#AMELIA :: ˢʰᵉ ᶜᵃᶫᶫᵉᵈ ʸᵒᵘ ᵃ ʲᵃᶜᵏᵃˢˢ

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@feiry sent: [ text ] can you let me in? I’m out front. /// texting meme

it's late, or is it early? 3:18am, two hours and twelve minutes before she would normally be waking up. lexie couldn't help the irritation she felt as she grabbed the device that pulled her from her sleep. it's irritation that slipped away the moment she read the message.

[ sms ➝ amelia ]: yeah, of course [ sms ➝ amelia ]: i'll be down in just a minute

she pulled a robe around herself, pulling it tight as she opened the door. ❝ hey, ❞ her voice was soft, concern mixing with tiredness as she stepped to the side, motioning for amelia to come in. ❝ is everything okay? ❞

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“  wow,  ”   she’s like a kid in a candy store,   wide eyed and full of wonder as she looked over the other surgeon’s shoulder at the scans on the screen.   “  are we operating on that?  ”

@hxmartias // starter call !!

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💏

meme // accepting !! // @conquersbrains          ��                                      10.  …desperately.ten hours,   fifty four minutes.   it’s how long it had been since the woman she loved,   the woman who could make her smile unlike anyone else,   came out of surgery.   it’s how long lexie had been seated at her bedside,   eyes carefully watching monitors,   for any sign that the other waking up.   amelia’s going to be okay,   she’s going to wake up.   a reminder lexie had to keep telling herself as minutes continued to go by,   as there was more and more of a reason worry,   as the fear of losing yet another person she loved tried to weigh her down.   

“  please,   just—  ”   she might have tried to keep the fear,   the desperation out of her voice had anyone else been in the room.    instead emotion laced words were followed by a gently placed kiss to amelia’s forehead.   “  wake up,   b e   o k a y.  ”   i can’t lose you too.   they were the words she left unsaid.

[lcxipcdia-a]

@shephcrd // xxx

“ i-- that- that was horrible. there was just so much hemorrhaging, but there wasn’t anything else i could have done for him. right? ”

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❝ okay, so⎯⎯ ❞ lexie hesitated, her hands anxiously fidgeting, fingers twisting, pulling at each other. ❝ meredith went to boston and maggie went to chicago, and you⎯⎯ you don't also have some amazing job offer thousands of miles away, do you? ❞ as much as lexie understood why they did it, she can't help the feeling of abandonment that lurks deep down. ❝ because as much as i would love the chance at chief of neurosurgery, i also really don't do well with people leaving. ❞

@selfmadesaviour /// starter call!!

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it hadn’t been this bad in awhile.   the way her back was bugging her,   how she felt unsteady on her feet.   it’s why she found herself laying on one of the crap mattresses in an on-call room.   “  ‘melia?  ”   door opening surprised her,   a frown pulls at her lips as she propped up on an elbow.   “  aren’t you supposed to be in surgery on mrs. baker right now?  ”   a surgery she’d been prepping for,   that lexie had been ready for,   that she’d pulled herself from at the last minute.   “  is everything okay?  ”

@mcshvpherdess // starter call !!

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“  oh,   come on---  ”   brows furrow as rain pattered against the window.   “  why is it that everyone complains about the rain?  it’s seattle,   we’re less than two hours away from a literal rain forest.  ”   

@femalesarestrxngashell​ // starter call !!

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@mcsvperhero​​ // xxx “  it’s---  ”   eyes fixated downward as lexie hesitated.   it was nothing,   she was fine.   it shouldn’t be anything,   s h e  s h o u l d  b e  f i n e.   it was part of the job,   telling their patients’ loved ones that there was nothing more they could do.   that sometimes even simple surgeries could go wrong,   that even if they went off with of a hitch that sometimes patients didn’t  w a k e  u p.   it wasn’t that it was  n e v e r  e a s y to tell the families that someone they loved  had died,   that they weren’t going to wake up,   to talk to them about their options,   to follow the steps of an advanced directive,  because  i t   w a s n ’ t.   it was never easy but it came with the job,   it was something as surgeons they were  t r a i n e d   t o  h a n d l e,   that they were trained to help people through.   

and grief showed itself in different ways,   lexie knew that.   the  a n g e r,   the p a i n  in the way her patient’s husband spoke to lexie,   the way he yelled,   insisted she was wrong,   that if she followed the advanced directive of his wife that lexie would be  k i l l i n g   h e r,   because his was going to wake up,   she was going to  b e  f i n e,    it was all sickeningly familiar.   feelings lexie never dealt with,   feelings she refused to talk about,  were dragged up.   “   it’s nothing- ”    i t   s h o u l d  b e   n o t h i n g.   after everything that had happened,   the years that had passed,   it shouldn’t affect her like this,   should it?   “  i---   i’ll be fine,   just---  ”   it wasn’t the same situation.   this wasn’t gary clark.   gary clark was  d e a d  and yet the fear,   the panic,   the  g u i l t,   they were all there and she couldn’t just push them away like she had in the past.   “   i can’t be out there----  ”  on the surgical floor,   being a doctor,   expected to be level headed.    “  i just---   i needed a  m i n u t e.  ”

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tag drop !!     

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@nxuroaddict

“ wow. ” her own patient’s scans were momentarily forgotten as lexie caught a glimpse of amelia’s scans. “ that is one hell of a tumor, ” she took a step closer, awe filling her tone as she looked at the scan. between the size of the tumor, its location, lexie could think of at least three different ways to remove it, three different surgeries she’d love to even just assist with. “ is this a patient of yours? i haven’t seen a meningioma like-- ” lexie trailed off, finally reading the name at the top of the scans. the awe, the original excitement of the tumor dissipated as she looked from scans to amelia. “ your name- these are- this is your tumor? ”

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“  so don’t go,  ”   the suggestion came quietly---   gently as an arm tightened around the other’s waist.   when did the lines between friends and something more blur so much?   “  come close---   and wake up with me.  ”

@hurriicanes​ // starter call !! wake up with me --- gabrielle aplin

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maybe if the situation was different,   if she couldn’t smell the faint smell of alcohol on amelia’s breath,   if she wasn’t terrified of messing up another one of her relationships,   she’d listen to the fluttering that filled her chest at the idea of kissing the other surgeon.   “  amelia---  ”   she pulled away,   frowning as she straightened herself on the couch.   “  i---   i can’t,   okay?   just---  ”   anxious fingers run through her hair,   further messing up messy hair.   another messy relationship?   it’s too much,   too fast.

@hurriicanes // continued !!

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crap.   crap.   crap.  crap.  crap.   it’s the only thing going through lexie’s mind as silence settled between the two of them.   she didn’t think this through,   the question had skipped the thinking it over step,   instead being abruptly blurted.   “  i---  ”   this time the silence is brought on by the younger surgeon.   she had blurted the question and now?   what if she’d was over stepping?   what if it was too much,   too fast?   she really loved amelia,   truly,   deeply,   and it terrified the hell out of her.    screwing this up?   it was the last thing lexie wanted. 

but the question was already out there,   floating between them,   and she can’t take it back.   the longer lexie was quiet,   the longer she let her mind race,   the more one thing became apparent.   “  will you---   will you marry me?  ”   maybe the question sounded more hesitant this time,   and maybe her stomach was twisting itself into knots but there’s the tug of a smile at her lips,   she was sure of this one thing.   “  i---   i don’t have a ring or anything,   and i won’t be able to get up right now if i get down on one knee,   but god,   i love you amelia.   i love you in a way that i’ve never loved anyone else.   i love you in a big  ‘ i can see the rest of my life with you  ’  kind of a way.   i just---  ”   rambling comes to a sudden halt as she took a deep breath.   “  marry me?  ”

@neurologst // continued !!

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“  i know that---  ”   she hesitated,   feelings that’d been eating away at her were pushed further down.   they’d waited this long,   they could wait a little longer,   right?    “  but i need to see your pretty blue eyes so i can finish your neuro exam,   okay?  ”   her voice took a softer tone,   gloved fingers reaching out to brush hair behind the other’s ear carefully.   “  can you tell me what happened?  ”

@neurologst​ // continued !!

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“  it isn’t that bad.  ”  it’s not the truth,   hoarse voice quickly making that fact apparent.   another spoonful of soup before deciding that swallowing wasn’t something she wanted to be doing,   instead pushing broth around slowly.   “  can’t we just go home?  ”   she knew the answer and yet the question still fell from her lips.   her throat hurt despite meds that made her head felt hazy,   and all she wants is to curl up,   to be able to sleep without the beeping of machines,   without the anxious feeling that was bubbling up in her chest.   it was irrational and part of her knew it.   “  i just---   want to be in my own bed---   in our bed.   please.  ” 

@neurologst // continued !!

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her arm’s pulled back after amelia shifted away,   confusion written in furrowed brows as she propped herself upright,   worry forming a pit in her stomach.   she’d seen amelia sick before,   this wasn’t that.   she’d seen her earlier in the day,   everything had seemed okay.   what had happened between then and now?      “  i---   what’s really going on?  ”   her voice was barely a whisper.   was it something she’d done?   something she’d said?   overthinking things,   it was one thing she excelled at.   “  please amelia,   let me in.  ”   

@neurologst​ // continued !!