#ANYWAY THESE ARE TRULY JOURNAL THOUGHTS MY GOD

[goldkirk]

as I'm going back over my past history and items and journals and years, I come across all sorts of things, like the pencil I saved from that so-precious memory from second grade, and a pair of flip flops I've been missing for two years, and [checks notes] the modern-high-school-AU-kidnapped-by-a-serial-killer story I wrote in late high school jdfsjdfsjkjlksfd

[tielmamon]

Your turn

He had the whole thing planned in his head. He would set up a picnic at the coast, spoiling his bard with his favorite wine and pastries. Once Jaskier was happy and full, he'd pull him close, bringing him to his chest as they watch the sunset melt into the ocean water and fish out the ring that he'd commissioned years ago. Then, after a very practiced and lengthy (for him, anyway) speech about destiny and choice and being with you will always be what pleases me, finally he will ask Jaskeir to be his husband.

That was the plan.

But as he stared at his bard through the embers of the campfire, something inside him told him he needed to tell him now. He looked so...peaceful. So beautifully content in this little camp they made in the middle of no where. Jaskier senses his eyes and looks up from his journal. He smiles at him from across the fire and suddenly, before he could comprehend it himself, Geralt was kneeling in the dirt between the bard's legs.

He almost wanted to make a joke about the suggestiveness of their positions but Jaskier only looks at him with a pout that has to him physically restrain himself from kissing and gods above, this man-

"Oh! Oh hello there, darling. Be careful, you're knee's still a bit-" And Geralt, for the first time in decades, fumbles as he digs through his pockets in such a rush that it almost slips from his fingers-

"Jaskier." Geralt says, staring up at clear blue like its the sky. The same blues lock on the ring Geralt is pinching between his fingers infront of them.

"You wi-, I mean I, um. M-Marry me." He had planned a speech to go with this question- hell, he wonders if it even came out as a question. He was so fucking nervous for it that he even wrote a whole paragraph about packs and wolves mating for life and that there are certain song birds that do the same. Really good, romantic shit that he knew Jaskier would appreciate. He had written the whole thing down in his journal somewhere, completely forgotten.

He feels his hand trembling as he holds up the ring. A thick gold band engraved with buttercups and dandelions with a wolf nestled subtly between the petals. He imagined day in and day out just how nice it would look around Jaskier's fourth finger.

Jaskier stares, silent for a moment. The seconds tick by like centuries for Geralt as he kneels patiently waiting for a reaction. Doubt just about starts to creep in when Jaskier smiles so bright and beautifully, holding up a finger.

His forefinger. That's...that's not-

"Hold that thought." Quickly, almost tripping over the log he was sitting on ,Jaskier rummages frantically through his pack. Geralt simply lays frozen, still kneeling with a hand holding up the ring. As quickly as he left, Jaskier sits back down practically vibrating.

"Ask me again, dearheart."Jaskier requests sweetly, and truly who was he to deny him?

"Jaskier. Will you marry me?" Geralt smiles, alteast glad he actually managed to phrase it as a question this time. Finally, he sighs a breath of relief and joy when Jaskier all but yanks him up to meet his lips. They meets clumsily, both soon smiling too hard to properly kiss the other back. They melt into eachother, simmering down in breathy chuckles and chasing pecks that seemingly never want to end.

"Gods yes." Jaskier whispers as they pull away, keeping his hands on his cheeks. Geralt smiles widely, slipping the ring on Jaskier's finger and drawing him in for another kiss when he's stopped.

"Hm?"

"My turn." Jaskie beams, revealing a small box from behind him. He opens it and pulls out-

"You're kidding." Geralt laughs, staring at the silver ring hanging from a chain. He spots a clear silhouette of a wolf curled around the circle's edge, chasing a small song bird along the other side.

"Geralt of Rivia." Jaskier has joined him now, kneeling on the dusty floor of their camp. One hand curled so lovingly around his waist while the other holding the ring and chain between them.

"Hm." Geralt feels his cheeks hurting from how hard he's smiling. For all the pain and ache that he's felt throughout his long life, he never thought he'd be lucky enough to have this. To feel the type of ache that is warm and kind. Ones that come after laughing too hard, smiling to long, kissing to much. The kind that only Jaskier seems to give him.

"Wil you-" And he barely lets the bard finish his words before he's pressing his lips back onto his, gripping him by his shoulders.

"Yes." Laughter echoes through their little clearing, disturbing a few birds. Geralt, still so very close leans forward to taste it but is stopped once again.

"Alteast let me finish the proposal before you answer!" Jaskier laughs, beaming like the sun and Geralt is helpless to argue. Still, he makes a show of groaning and rolling his eyes as if his heart isn't beating out of his chest at the sight of him.

"Fine. Ask." Making a show of getting ready, Jaskier coughs and straightens to meet Geralt's eye line. Another pause has the witcher impatiently squeezing Jaskier's hip, causing him to squirm.

"Alright! Geralt Roger Eric du Haute-Bellegard Rivia-" that earns him another squeeze, now closer to his waist- a spot Geralt knows is particularly ticklish for the bard.

"Will you marry me?" He manages to say between peels of laughter. It takes a minute for Geralt to respond. He's too busy staring at the man infront of him and thanking every higher power he doesn't believe in that gave him this bard. He still doesn't say anything, even as he pulls Jaskier into a hug feeling the chain slip past his fingers and settle into the crook of the bard's elbow as he hugs back. Only when he feels Jaskier's fingers weave themselves into his hair, he says.

"Yes."

[fatuismooches]

omg omg how would fragile reader use foxtorre in gameplay? idk why the first thing i thought of is reader throwing it at their enemies but they wouldnt do that 😭 im suddenly thinking how their gameplay would be like, their vision, their idles, etc... IF YOU COULD PLEASE MAKE VOICELINES FOR THEM I THINK IT WOULD BE COOL

Fragile reader throws the creature onto the field to do the work for them! Depending on whether their skill is held or tapped, Foxttore will summon multiple little Puffttores that will attack enemies to heal the team or do damage, based on reader’s current HP. Using the skill also consumes a set amount of fragile reader's HP. But using their burst will let them recover HP, as they will steal a certain percentage of HP from their fellow party members. All they want to be is healthy, they can be a little selfish, no? But fragile reader isn’t that mean, they’ll grant the party members who they stole HP from a random buff (ATK, crit rate/dmg, EM, etc) so they can sit back and relax as the others fight for them. And no, they won’t steal HP from Dottore or another Harbinger on the team, that’s their beloved and their friends after all! But they can’t do elemental reactions, they don’t want that horrid thing from Celestia and even if they got one they would refuse to use it. (But I still have hope another element will be added, I cannot see Dottore using a Vision HE BETTER NOT he’s stronger than that 😞)

Their idles include pulling out Foxttore and squeezing it really tightly, and then they suddenly pause for a few seconds as they feel something fuzzy moving inside of their shirt... and then a few small Puffttores jump out of their clothes making them laugh :) Another one, i imagine they carry around a small bag to hold their necessary items (such as medication) but also to bring around a scrapbook they've made with all their memories. Lots of photos and journal entries spanning many years. They pull it out and flip through it, before sighing almost sadly and putting it away again. Their BIS weapon is the same one from centuries ago, Dottore had preserved it for all those years so they could use it once again (not really though because they wobble all over the place if you use their normal attacks)

Hello: "I am [Name]. I doubt I'll be much help to you, but I'm here now. By the way, I won't do anything I don't want to. If you have a problem with that, you can take it up with Dottore."

About the Archons: "... Do not mention them in front of me... it makes me sick to my stomach, thinking about the divine. However, there is one exception - the Tsaritsa of course. She is truly the epitome of what a God should be, benevolent and kind. I may not be able to help much, but I will support her until the end. When you meet her, Traveler, I hope you will understand her goals."

About the Illness: "Ah, my sickness... it has plagued me for countless years, laying a horrible curse upon my body and mind. It's... it's been quite difficult sometimes... er, forgive me. It's hard to speak about."

"Oh... to be honest, Paimon always thought you were faking it for the Fatui's goals to some extent."

"... this is why I only confide in Dottore."

About Dottore: "My one and only... words cannot express my tenderness and love toward him. Not once has he given up on me, despite the times I've given up on myself. And he has always taken care of me, not once faltering in over four hundred years. I- I don't know what to do sometimes when faced with that information. I wish I could be... less of a burden on him... *sigh*"

About the Akademiya: "Say, does anything good come out of that school anymore? Hm? You say a brilliant mage graduated from there and is now a librarian? Well, good for her. Who would want to be associated with them anyway? And there's also a doctor who's very sick, searching for the answer to immortality? Well now... how interesting."

About the Past: "You wish to know about my past? Well, there's not too much to say. I was a regular student in the Akademiya before I met Dottore, and we fell in love... we did many things together before I... It's not like it matters anymore, being the way I am now..."

Chat - The Body: “One’s body is extremely important, yet many take it for granted. Please, make sure to treasure and love your body. It does more for you than you could ever imagine.”

Chat - Walks: "I love taking walks. It seems so normal to you but, it brings me great happiness. Especially now... I have not felt the sun caress my body or the soft breeze sweep through my hair for a long, long time. Hm? I don't mind if you come with, but... Dottore will be joining me shortly. Would you like to see him? No? Hehe."

When it Rains: "Oh no... do you have an umbrella? Dottore's going to- a-achoo!- get mad at me for not taking care of myself properly..."

Likes - Dancing: "O-oh. You saw me just now? I was just... practicing. I'm not very good at it, but dancing with Dottore as he twirls me around makes me... happy. I just need to stop tripping and falling over his feet all the time."

Nahida - About You: "You've met the Doctor's spouse? Please, would you enlighten me about them some more? I have always been extremely curious about the kind of person who would capture his attention. Hmm... I see. Still sick, are they? Perhaps Dottore sees something in them that the rest of us cannot. Though, I have to commend their spirit. Being able to wake up every day and face what's in front of them while being afflicted with such a condition... takes a strong will."

[supernaturalscribe67]

Just Like Mama Used to Make

Words: 6,178

POV: 1st & 3rd Person

Pairing: John x Son!Reader - Dean/Sam x Brother!Reader [Platonic]

Warning(s): Language, John Winchester, Fluff, Mention of Childhood Trauma, Mention of Death, I think that's it??

Summary: Taking inspiration from his father, the reader starts his very own journal. For his first entry, he recalls some of the memories that shaped him into the hunter that he has become.

Request:

Hello, hope you are having a good day/night

I was wondering if I could request John/Dean/Sam Winchester reaction to having a brother who looks like their mother and picked up hunting like breathing?

@xweirdo101x

A/N: My very first request! It kind of got away from me, but I really hope that I was able to do your request justice. Hope you like it!~

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

Hello

Hey!

Dear Diary

SEPTEMBER 2014

To be honest, I have no idea how to start something like this. I was never one for writing, nor have I been one who can easily express my emotions. I guess I got that trait from the Winchester side of my family. Still, I have thought a lot about Dad’s journal lately. The things that he wrote down. It’s not detailed. It’s nowhere near what it was like growing up with him, but it still provides Dean, Sammy, and me with some information and nostalgia from time to time.

So, I figured ‘Why the Hell not’, I might as well write down some things in my own journal. I’m going to die someday anyway, and I want people to read this and be able to see what my life was like. From the good times that I spent with my family to the bad times when I lost my family. Hell, maybe this journal will get me into a history book someday when someone else discovers the Men of Letters Bunker. Who knows. Maybe I’ll be famous after I die, or perhaps it’s just wishful thinking. 

This journal has already turned into a clusterfuck. I don’t even know what to write about. I can’t even think of things to write about. Should I say things about my life? Should I just write down random things I think of throughout the day? I don’t know how to do it. Even when I look at Dad’s journal for inspiration, there’s nothing to inspire in it. A lot of it is notes on how to kill monsters and other stuff is just a bunch of personal bullshit he was going through. 

Well, we were all going through it.

I guess I’ll start by writing down some of the memories I’ve had. If I don’t like it, then I’ll throw this journal away and start another one. I don’t want future historians to think of me as some scatterbrained moron, despite what Sammy and Dean say at times. If you’re reading this now, I’m actually the smartest Winchester brother. Don’t believe a thing Sam and Dean say. I’m the brains of the operations and our day-to-day lives. I’ve saved them more times than I could count. 

Then again, they’ve probably saved me just as much. 

Alright, I’m getting side-tracked. I guess I’ll just start writing. 

Should I introduce myself first before I do so? 

My name is (Y/N) Winchester. I’m a hunter. 

This is my story (God, that was terrible)

AUGUST 1991

I remember the first time I mentioned to my father that I wanted to be a hunter, just like him. I was six years old. Dad didn’t take it very kindly. He yelled, a lot. Screamed sometimes. I never truly understood why he would always get so upset whenever I would ask him to teach me how to hunt. 

It wasn’t until I was a man that I understood why. 

I look just like my mother. 

I don’t know how I could have been so blind all those years. I have her hair. I have her face. I have her smile. All of these things have been said by my father before. Not necessarily when he was sober. I was always the one person that reminded my Dad of his wife. Of my mother. I think a part of him wanted to keep me safe, just so he could always look at me and remember what she looked like. Even when I was a child, though, I could see the hurt behind his eyes every once in a while when he would look at me. It made me feel guilty. 

Still does. 

I know that none of it is my fault, that he made himself hurt. 

Still… 

For months, I would ask my Dad to teach me about hunting. To teach me about the monsters that crept through the darkness. Each time I asked, he would reject my request and I would get scolded for asking such a stupid question. 

So, one night, around the age of seven or eight (one of the two, I can’t remember exactly), I decided that school wasn’t very important. There were occasions when I snuck out of classes to go to the library of whatever town we were in at the time to search the limited amount of lore books that they had. There were times when I got caught by Dean before I was able to sneak out. Other times it was by Sammy. Sometimes, my father would get a call from the school because I had been reported missing. 

I was a problem child, as you could tell. 

It’s not that I hated school. 

It just wasn’t my favorite. 

And I wanted to hunt. 

So, anyway…from town to town, I would skip class, go to the library, and learn everything that I could learn about hunting if there was anything to learn. Sometimes, I would ask Dean questions. Sometimes he would answer, other times he told me to not worry about it and to mind my own business. It used to hurt whenever Dean would reject any of the questions that I would ask, but I know now that it was so he didn’t get in trouble with Dad. I remember giving him a hard time about it, about not answering me. Dean, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry for being a jerk. 

Then again, Dean, if you’re reading this, you shouldn’t be reading this and expect some glitter to appear in your body wash. 

No one knew about my secret research. No one knew the reason behind my skipping classes. I would constantly make up lies, most of them being about how much I hated moving around and just wanted to rebel against my father. Typical kid stuff. 

It wasn’t until August of 1991, when I was ten years old, that I was finally able to put that research to use.

(Y/N) stared down at the paper that rested on a notebook in his lap. His eyes were wide and filled with stress, fingers tangled in his short hair, his back slouched ever so slightly. Dean sat a couple of inches away from him near the end of the bed, his homework in his lap, while Sam leaned against the headboard, a book in his hands that he had gotten from the school library. Dean looked up from his work, noticing the look of despair on his brother’s face before he glanced down at his worksheet. Dean grimaced and let out a hiss. 

“Multiplying fractions?” He asked, a hint of sympathy in his tone. 

Without looking up, (Y/N) gave a short nod. Dean pressed his lips together in a thin line before he set his pencil down beside him. 

“Do you need help?” Dean offered. 

(Y/N) lifted his head and looked at his older brother, giving a small, soundless nod. Dean offered a smile as he moved closer to him so that they were sitting next to one another. Dean craned his neck to be able to look at the paper, tilting his head as he studied the equations. 

“Which one are you having problems with?” He asked. 

“All of them,” (Y/N) answered. 

Dean snorted. “Okay, so, it’s easy-” 

“Wow, Dean thinks math is easy?” Sam mumbled, a smirk playing on his lips. 

Dean lifted his head and glared at Sam. “Shut up, bitch,” 

Sam shot a bitch-face towards Dean. “You shut up, jerk,” he retorted. 

(Y/N) let out a frustrated grunt. “Will both of you assholes shut up!? I don’t understand this!” His voice was filled with annoyance and desperation. 

Dean and Sam shot their brother a look. Sam rolled his eyes as he returned to the book. Dean looked back down at the paper, mumbling an apology under his breath. He then began to help (Y/N) with his homework, walking him through all of the problems that he had. (Y/N) still felt as if Dean was speaking in a foreign language, but he could understand the homework a little easier. 

When the paper was halfway finished, the door to the motel room suddenly burst open, causing the three brothers to jump, their eyes wide as they turned and looked at the person who had just entered. John stormed into the room, slamming the door behind him. He stomped over to the couch that sat in front of the small television set and plopped down on it. He ran his hands down his face and let a small growl emit from his throat. 

Dean, Sam, and (Y/N) shared a glance, almost as if they were communicating telepathically. After a while, Dean and Sam both turned their attention toward their brother, their eyes locked on his. After looking back and forth between the two, (Y/N) let out a soundless sigh as he set his homework beside him. He moved off of the bed and padded across the aged carpet to the couch. Slowly, he walked around the sofa so that he could see his father. 

John looked tired. Dark circles were prominent underneath his eyes. One of his legs was propped up on the couch while the other lay bent in front of him. His elbow rested on the arm of the sofa, his cheek placed against his right hand as he stared at the television in front of him. Nothing played. When (Y/N) came into view, John glanced at him out of the corner of his eye for a brief moment. He said nothing. 

“Hey, Dad,” (Y/N) greeted. “Um…how were the, uh, interviews with the victims’ families?” 

John shook his head. “Not great, kid,” he grumbled. 

“No?” 

“No.” 

As (Y/N) stared at his father, he timidly moved over to the couch. John hesitantly moved his leg as (Y/N) sat down next to him. 

“Did you…learn anything?” 

“Why aren’t you boys in bed?” John grunted. 

“We’re finishing our homework.” 

“Then shouldn’t you be working on it?”

(Y/N)’s shoulders slouched. “I just…wanted to see how it went is all…” 

“You want to know how it went?” John’s voice got deeper. “You really want to know how it went? Fucking terrible. That’s how it went,” John straightened himself out on the couch before he stood up. He began to pace around the room, his tone of voice getting more and more irritable. “I thought I had a good fucking lead going. All of the victims went to the same fucking bookstore a couple of days before their deaths and got the same book. Seems like a fucking coincidence, right? Then I go to the goddamn bookstore to see what the book was and all it was was something called Aradia or some shit like that. Some type of foreign book bullshit, I don’t fucking know.” 

(Y/N) furrowed his brows as John continued to rant. He looked down and away from his father. He got lost, deep in thought, the words that John was speaking irrelevant to him now. Finally, he turned back to him, kneeling on the couch as he raised his brows. 

“Did you say Aradia?” He questioned in the middle of John’s rant. 

John stopped pacing around the room as he looked back at (Y/N). Dean and Sam’s attention immediately turned to him, their eyes wide. John’s jaw was clenched, the anger and irritation still emanating from him. “Yeah,” he replied deeply. 

“Aradia…” (Y/N) trailed before he shook his head. “That’s not a foreign book, Dad! That’s only the first half of the title. The full title is Aradia or the Gospel of the Witches. It was one of the most influential pieces of literature in the nineteenth century to witches! You’re dealing with a witch!” (Y/N)’s eyes widened as a smile appeared on his face. 

John’s expression went from furious to confusion. He narrowed his eyes. “How do you know about that book?” He questioned. 

“I read about it in a library a little bit ago.” (Y/N) answered quickly. 

John pressed his tongue into his cheek as he slowly nodded his head. He looked at Sam and Dean, who were still staring with wide eyes at their brother, and then back at (Y/N). He ran a hand down his face stressfully. 

“You boys finish your homework,” he mumbled as he walked towards the door. “I have to make a call.” 

Without allowing anyone to respond, John left the motel room, closing the door behind him a little gentler than when he entered. (Y/N)’s smile faded as he watched his father leave, his shoulders dropping. The three brothers sat in silence for a minute before they looked at one another. 

“Come on,” Dean said as he patted the spot on the bed next to him. “Let’s finish these math problems.” 

Even though Dad never told me, I knew I was right. I knew it was a witch that he had dealt with. We didn’t even get to go to school the next day. He had found and killed her before I was able to turn in that math homework. What a waste of time. 

I would like to think that Dad was proud of me in that situation, but he never said anything. He never brought it up again as far as I can remember. It was something that he had put in the past, along with all of the other hunts that we had been on. However, even if he wasn’t proud of me back then, I was proud of myself. Proud that I was able to help my Dad even if I wasn’t beside him when he took that bitch down. 

God, I hate witches. 

MAY 1993

I didn’t touch a gun until I was twelve years old. By that point, I had stopped begging Dad to teach me how to hunt, because it seemed that the only answer I was going to be getting was ‘No’. I figured that I would go to the next best person for the job. 

I had to ask Dean. 

Dean was very protective of Sammy and me when we were younger. He still is super protective of us, even in our ripe old ages. But because of how protective he could get, he was very hesitant about teaching me how to shoot a gun. However, with Dad talking about Dean going on hunts with him more and more by then, I knew that I would be left alone with Sammy. I used the excuse that I needed to learn how to shoot a gun eventually so that I could protect the two of us when we were by ourselves. I couldn’t be expected to be safe when the only two people who knew how to shoot were away. 

That reasoning caught Dean’s attention. 

After the fifth or sixth time asking him, Dean had finally agreed. A couple of days passed and, when Dad was a couple of towns away gathering information for a hunt, Dean and I skipped school. Shocking, right? I think Dean used the excuse that I hadn’t been feeling well and he had to take care of me. He even wrote out a fake doctor’s note and everything. Back then, you could get away with a handwritten note. I’m not too sure if you could now. 

Once Sammy had been dropped off at school that day, Dean and I walked to a creek a couple of miles away from the school. He had set up a couple of cans on a log, some recycled stuff that he had picked up along the way. He had brought one of Dad’s small handguns with him. When he gave it to me, it felt so surreal. So different. 

I never really understood what the big fuss was about, though. 

Shooting a gun was easy. 

“No, you can’t have your hand that low! You have it that low and the gun is going to come out of your hand when you shoot it,” Dean grumbled. 

Dean took (Y/N)’s hand in his and adjusted it so that it fits perfectly onto the grip of the handgun. He then took his other hand and placed it on top of the one that was already on the gun. (Y/N) furrowed his brows as he looked at the way his hands nestled against one another. 

“This doesn’t feel right.” He said. “Why can’t I just hold it with one hand like the cops do in the movies?” 

“Because you’re twelve, dummy. You’re not in your forties and have years of experience under your belt,” Dean rolled his eyes. “And that is exactly how you should hold it if you don’t want to get hit in the face with your weapon after you fire it.” 

(Y/N) listened intently to what his brother was saying, giving him a small nod before he straightened his back up. 

“Stop.” Dean held up a hand. 

(Y/N) shot Dean a confused look. “What?” 

“You’re standing wrong.” 

“I’m standing wrong…” 

“Yeah, here,” Dean walked over, pressing his hand against the top of (Y/N)’s back ever so slightly, leaning him forward. “If you have your back too straight, then you’re more likely to fall backward. You also,” Dean kicked (Y/N)’s feet apart. “Need to have your feet apart. Keeps you more ground.”

(Y/N) looked down at the ground for a moment, taking in the appearance and feel of his stance. The way his back leaned forward and the way his legs were spread. He nodded. 

“Okay, now I shoot?” 

“Is your safety off?” 

“Safety?” 

Dean sighed, moving back over to him. He took the gun from (Y/N)’s grasp and flashed the left side of the gun. “You see this little trigger?” When Dean received a nod from his brother, he continued. “If it’s facing side-to-side, that means the safety is on. That means the gun won’t fire. All you have to do is flick this little switch,” Dean turned the safety off. “Once it’s up and down, then that means it’s ready to fire.” He handed the gun back to (Y/N). “Now, get back into position.” 

(Y/N) glanced down at the safety mechanism on the gun for a moment before he nodded. He got back into the position that he was in, spreading his legs apart the same length Dean had and slouching his back forward ever so slightly. Once he received a nod of approval from Dean, (Y/N) lifted his arms, cocking his head to the side. He aimed at the can farthest to the left. He closed his left eye and placed his finger on the trigger. 

“Stop!” Dean said more abruptly. 

(Y/N) jumped and moved his finger off the trigger, standing up straighter to face Dean. “What!?” He asked exasperatedly. 

Dean shook his head. “You can’t have one eye closed.” 

“Why not? Snipers do it!” 

“Because snipers are far enough away from combat. They need to look through a scope to get a good shot. You, on the other hand, are feet away from whatever monster you’re dealing with. What happens when you’re facing more than one monster? You leave yourself open to being taken out on your left.” Dean’s tone was stern, yet calm. His arms were crossed over his chest. 

Slowly, (Y/N) nodded as he grasped an understanding of Dean’s thinking. “Both eyes open?” 

“Both eyes open.” Dean backed up a bit. “Back into position.” 

(Y/N) let out a shaky breath before resuming his position. Legs spread, back bent, arms up, head tilted, both eyes open. His goal was to hit the used can of peaches that sat on the outside of the log. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest from anxiousness and anticipation. He was surprised the gun wasn’t shaking in his grasp. 

His eyes were on the cartoon peaches that were etched onto the label of the can. More specifically, the pit that sat in the center of the peach. He wanted to hit the pit. He never moved his eyes from the pit as he took a deep breath, his shoulders rising. Finally, as he exhaled, his shoulders dropping, he pulled the trigger. 

The can flew into the air and seemed to dramatically and unceremoniously fall into the creek. A small splash echoed in (Y/N)’s ears, accompanied by the ringing of the gunshot. 

One thing that (Y/N) noted was that his hands ached, both from the vice grip he had on the gun and the recoil that he hadn’t expected. Sure, Dean had informed him about it before, but he wasn’t sure how it would feel. His hands would definitely bruise. 

(Y/N) lowered the gun, looking over at his brother to see that Dean wore a stunned expression on his face. Dean’s mouth hung open as his eyes were glued to the can that lay in the flowing water. (Y/N) watched in silence as Dean walked over to the can. He reached down and picked it up by the opening, wincing from the heat of the bullet hole before he swapped hands. He studied the can. It seemed like too much time had passed before he turned the can so (Y/N) could see. 

(Y/N) had gotten it on his first try. 

The bullet hole? 

Right in the pit. 

(Y/N) raised his brows, a mixture of pride and surprise coursing through him. A wide smile appeared on his face. Similarly, a smirk appeared on Dean’s lips. Dean chuckled before he tossed the can into the water. 

“Beginner’s luck,” he said, brushing his hands onto his jeans. “Let’s see if you can hit the other ones.” 

I shot through the rest of the cans, the same as I had done for that can of peaches. Not to toot my own horn, but I was a natural when it came to a pistol. I don’t mean to sound egotistic about this, but Dean can back up any statement that I’m making about this story. 

I could tell that Dean was proud of me that day. He never said he was, but the way he looked at me and the way he treated me afterward told me things that words couldn’t. It’s hard to describe, but it almost felt like he had gained some respect for me that day. It felt good. Even as I am writing about this story, I can’t keep the smile off my face. I always looked up at Dean, so it feels great to think that I had done something to bring a smile to his stupid face. 

My hands hurt like hell after it was all said and done. I had gotten a couple of bruises near the thumb on my right hand that I brushed off to my Dad as something that I had picked up when I got into a fight at school. Dean had backed me up when Dad got on my ass about it. Dad told me that I had to get along with the other kids so I didn’t give the wrong impression at the schools I went to. It wasn’t like they would remember me anyway. Of course, I didn’t tell him that. I knew when to bite my tongue. 

Dad never found out about the shooting practice. I get a feeling that he had a sneaking suspicion as soon as he took me to practice himself years later, but I never told him about it. I never told him that Dean had been the one to teach me how to stand correctly, or where to find the safety of a gun. I know that he knew it was Dean. A part of me wonders if Dean ever got in trouble for it, or if it was something that Dad even brought up. I would never ask Dean about it now, though. 

Some things are best to be left in the past.

 

NOVEMBER 1999

By the time I turned eighteen, I had already been on several hunts with Dad and Dean. The majority of the time, though, I would stay back and watch Sammy. Even though he was a teenager and had the capability of taking care of himself, Dad expressed that he was still a kid and needed to be looked after. A part of me thought it was bullshit at the time, but another part of me was glad that I was able to spend time with my younger brother. 

Now, I know the real reason behind my staying with Sammy was because some of the hunts that Dad and Dean went on were ‘rough’. A little ‘too hard’ for me. 

Dad didn’t want to lose the son that reminded him of his wife. 

At least, that was what Dean told me, and I believe him. 

It was a blessing and a curse, come to think of it. There were times that I stayed behind and Dad called me up, needing me to do some research for the case that they were working on. He had said it would be faster if someone was working on the research while he and Dean were out taking interviews. In the end, it was more efficient. I would gather the necessary information and hand it off to him and they would be back at the motel a lot quicker than if they had been the ones to look up the information. 

That was the system that we worked with for a while. After a couple of months, Dad informed me that he didn’t want me to do the research anymore. He wanted Sammy to be the one to do it. I remember him saying that Sammy needed to focus more on the hunting aspect of his life. That school was just a waste of time at that point. He was old enough to get into it. 

Sammy hated the idea when I told him. He loved school. He was always such a nerd. Still is. An even bigger nerd if you can believe it. I knew how much school meant to him, and I didn’t want him to be discouraged from doing his schoolwork. He shouldn’t have been forced to do anything that he didn’t want to. So, I decided that I was going to do the research and just tell Dad that he had been the one to do it. Sammy was thankful. 

That was until Dad called. 

Dad wasn't as stupid as I took him for most of the time. He knew that Sammy hadn’t done any of the research, that I was the one that did it all. By the time he and Dean got back, he gave Sammy a verbal lashing. I tried to defend him, but nothing worked. In the end, Sammy gave in. He would do the research for the next hunt. 

Like clockwork, when the next hunt rolled around, with Sammy and I staying back at the motel, Dad had called. He had given Sammy the information that he needed to research and we headed off to the local library. Once we got the necessary books, we took them back to the motel and he began to work. 

I could tell that it wasn’t going well.

Sam sat at the small table near the motel room door, two books placed in front of him. His back was slouched as he looked from one book to another, flipping through pages frantically. He had been going at it for several hours by then, evident by the bags that were present underneath his eyes and the redness around his pupils. (Y/N) sat on the couch, watching some old western show. Now and then he would look at his little brother. He could see how tired and stressed he was about the entire situation. (Y/N) had never seen Sam that stressed out before, even when he was studying for a test in one of his AP classes. 

Eventually, Sam pressed the palms of his hands against his eyes, lowering his head, as if accepting defeat. (Y/N) studied his movements, and, after he saw that he had not moved in a while, he decided the best thing to do was to help him out. He picked up the remote and turned off the television before tossing it aside. He stood from his spot on the couch and walked over to the table. He grabbed the spare chair, pulled it beside Sam, and sat down. 

“Having some trouble?” He questioned. 

Sam’s shoulders rose and fell as a sigh escaped his lips. He removed his hands from his face and placed them into his lengthy hair. His eyes were cast down towards the table. He stayed in the same position for some time before he looked up at (Y/N). 

“No,” he answered, pulling the books towards him. “I’m fine.” 

“You don’t look fine.” 

“I said ‘I’m fine’,” Sam repeated through gritted teeth. 

(Y/N) studied him with an expressionless face. Sam kept his eyes down, looking from one book to another. (Y/N) was able to see the stress that was emitted from his brother even better with how close he was sitting. He took one look at the books before he shook his head. 

“I’m sorry Dad’s making you do this.” 

“It’s fine.” 

“No, it’s not. You shouldn’t be doing this alone the first time…” he trailed. “But if Dad found out I helped you-” 

“You’d get in trouble, and so would I. Yeah, I know.” 

(Y/N) pursed his lips. “You know, it took me a little over a year to get comfortable with translating Latin. I sometimes screw up from time to time.” 

“Still?” 

“Yeah, still,” he chuckled. “That’s why I got something that helps me out now and again.” 

With that, (Y/N) stood from his spot on the chair and waltzed over to the bed in the far corner of the room. Beside the bed sat his black duffel bag. He picked it up and placed it on the bed. He began to rummage through it, sorting through clothes and weapons that rested at the bottom. Wedged into the corner of his bag sat a book. He picked it up and brought it over to the table. He took a seat next to Sam once more and placed the book in front of him. 

Sam furrowed his brows as he studied the cover. It was a Latin-English translation book. It looked rather similar to the one that he had picked up at the library. The only difference was the color of the cover was a little faded and, along the outside of the book, between all of the pages, were multi-colored Post-it notes. Each Post-it note had different letter combinations on it, as well as notes written on some of them. Sam opened the cover and he raised his brows when he saw that the first page was replaced by a notebook-sized piece of paper, taped to the front page. There were multiple words in English on the left side with their corresponding Latin translation on the right. 

“What’s this?” Sam asked. 

“It’s a translation book I picked up a couple of years back at a bookstore. I figured since there were going to be a lot of things that needed translating, then I was going to have to make it easier for myself to find the words. The only problem is that most of these translation books are so damn compressed that it’s hard to find certain words without getting blurry vision. So, I took the liberty to mark down all of the times when the letters change in the words. For example, when the words that start with ‘AB’ transfer to words that start with ‘AC’. It always made it easier to find. Plus, I made a page at the beginning about common words that I have found in my research so that it would be easier to translate them.” 

As (Y/N) explained, he gestured with his hand toward the book. Sam listened intently, taking in all of the information that he was given, nodding his head. Once (Y/N) was done talking, Sam looked down at the book and then back up at him. 

“You did all this?” 

“Yeah,” (Y/N) chuckled. “Crazy, right?” 

Sam snorted. “Yeah. Wish you put that much effort into your homework when you were still in school.” 

“Hey,” (Y/N) leaned back in his chair and lifted his hands in mock surrender. “School was fine and all, but this is something I enjoy, and I’m good at it. I’m good at hunting research and you’re good in school.” 

“And what’s Dean good at?” 

“Being a pain in the ass.” 

Sam smiled widely, his dimples more prominent than (Y/N) had seen in a while. After a beat or two of silence, the smile faded as he looked down.

“I wish Dad could see that I’m good at school.” 

The corner of (Y/N)’s mouth curved downward. It was his turn to look down at the table. He reached over and placed a hand on Sam’s shoulder comfortingly. “I know, kiddo,” he mumbled. “But Dean and I both see how much of a nerd you are. Don’t worry.” 

A smile returned to Sam’s face, but it wasn’t as happy as the last one. They sat in silence for a little bit before (Y/N) lowered his hand and Sam moved back to the books. 

“You got it from here?” (Y/N) questioned. 

“Yeah, I got it,” 

“Great,” (Y/N) said as he stood from his seat and patted Sam on the back. “Call me over if you need anything.” 

“Yeah, I’ll make sure to call you over when I get to the part about multiplying fractions.” 

(Y/N) glared at Sam and crossed his arms over his chest. “You’re never going to let that go, are you?” 

“No, no I’m not.” 

Sammy still teases me to this day about not knowing how to multiply fractions. Even though it was decades ago at this point, he still likes to tease me about it. Little shit. 

With my help, Sammy was able to get the translations done a lot faster than he expected. I remember seeing the relief on his face when he had finished. Poor kid was so exhausted. Dad was more than pleased when he called and asked about it. Dad never found out that I had helped him out a bit, and neither Sammy nor I were planning on telling him. I just wanted Sammy to have an easier time than I did when I was first learning about research, specifically translations. 

In the end, I would have to say that Sammy is better than me when it comes to research. He’s taken the reigns on many different hunts because of how proficient he is with technology. I’m good with old-fashioned ways of research, but Sammy’s the nerd when it comes to computers. 

Sammy has told me once or twice, though, that I was the one that helped him the most when it came to his knowledge of research. That, without my help, he wouldn’t have been as good at it as he is now. 

I call bullshit. Sammy has always been a smart kid. 

He could do anything he put his mind to. 

SEPTEMBER 2014

This is all I can write at the moment. Dean called me to the kitchen a couple of minutes ago saying that dinner was ready. I need to wrap this up before he or Sammy comes in here and sees what I’m doing. I know that I would get endlessly teased about keeping a ‘diary’. I need to make sure to hide this in a good enough place where neither of them will find it if they go snooping through my room. 

Sam, Dean, if you guys are reading this, I’ll get you back. 

But if you’re going to read it, I just want to let you know that I love you guys. 

Not that I’m into chick-flick moments or anything. 

I’m just glad that I have you guys as my brothers. No one could ask for a better family than you two. 

Okay, that was cheesy. I wish I wasn’t writing this in pen so I could erase it. 

Dammit. 

I’m not too sure how to end this, so I guess I’ll just write again sometime when I can. Perhaps I could do like Dad did in his journal and write about all of the new monsters we have discovered over the years. Or maybe write more memories down. This journal is going to be so cluttered that no one is going to want to read it. There’s no way I’m going to get famous from this. 

Dean just called me to the kitchen again. 

Until next time. 

Happy hunting. (That was stupid, think of something better).

WE LOVE YOU TOO - SAM + DEAN

[how2forgive]

bday diary...rambling look away...

birthday weekend was very special. i was happy to just journal, run errands, and go for a cute intimate dinner on the actual day. i continued the lil bday tradition w myself watching a rohmer film alone. this time it was le rayon vert and it was the perfect movie for this time of my life

on saturday my friends planned a night out for me💗 we barhopped then went to karaoke. v fun n cathartic

it was all very beautiful but i ended up hanging around and talking to a close friend while everyone else ubered home. it was rly late but i didnt mind walkin him home..we're always yapping together anyway n its always fun and i feel v safe w him! eventually when we neared his house he had asked if i had feelings for him the same way he had for me. i suppose i had given him the wrong impression these past few months, and that he thought we were heading into something romantic..when it is not the case..

i just find it interesting that if i am truly my unfiltered self with boys they will always take it as me wanting to date them. i want to treat all my friends the same, with the same heart and enthusiasm, but everytime i match my behavior i have towards female friendships with guys, it backfires ..

there was a long discussion that followed that was healthy and good but ultimately i just feel bummed bc in the end we decided some distance between us was best.

right now.. i revere friendship more and i feel sad that this rejection just feels like a failure or loss to him.. when it could be so much deeper and better than a relationship. but whatever

he told me he held onto this thing i said where i was like "im at a point in my life where my heart is open" and thought i was hinting at something? yeah...i have a lust for life..not boys..

i think overall im just frustrated and tired that i have to constantly justify my decision to be single or the fact im not interested in romantic love rn.. What i have in mind that makes me want to kms: my ex , who is on his second gf since me, telling me i need to "put myself out there" and saying "it'll be ok" as if he pities me.. i was like omg this must be my rock bottom. god must hate me

but NO. i have to say i am the most content and self-assured ive been in my twenties. its not problem-free but i dont have this horrible restlessness stirring in my soul, i dont have feelings of yearning or emptiness anymore. I just have gratitude for my little life and the instances of love lately that have felt like real true intimacy, more than ive experienced in relationships. Im still learning and figuring it out but it feels better like this.

[piracytheorist]

Episode 28 thoughts!

Did I say I was elated by the political commentary from one (1) line in the previous episode? This one had LOTS and I am so excited to get more into the world building!

Since this episode is mostly focused on Yuri, this post will focus on his part. The other parts are light-hearted and unrelated to the plot of Yuri's part, so I'll make a separate post for them. Maybe.

I admit, though Yuri is nowhere near blorbo territory, I am genuinely intrigued by his character and I can't help kinda investing in how his story will progress.

It's almost scary, how good at his job he is. The SSS have truly hit the jackpot with him, considering how capable he is, how dedicated he is to protect his sister, and how young and easy to manipulate.

Their wanted guy does something completely non-suspicious and tries to run out the window the moment he faces arrest, because that's exactly what an innocent person would do! Anyway, he gets ambushed by Yuri and oh my god.

Yuri please. That's not a normal face to have after throwing someone down - especially someone who actually drew a gun at you? Interestingly enough, the guy didn't draw a gun in the manga.

Then we see about the anti-East stance of Westalis, and... that's a very interesting image there.

"The Devil's Republic" instead of "The People's Republic". "The Age of Confusion" and "The truth as told by photographs". Imagery of mass graves and harsh military law. Also, Cyrillic letters on the journals to the left and right! I wonder if they're actually translatable, but in any case it's interesting that it's the West that uses Cyrillic letters along with Latin ones. I'd have loved to be a Japanese-speaking fly on the wall when they decided on those stylistic choices.

So Perkin already had issues with the law, and was using his journalism skills to rebel against the Ostanian government.

As I said, I absolutely loved that we got some political commentary on this episode, as I've been dying for some signs on how Westalis sees Ostania. And well. It's not good.

Perkin lies and constructs scenarios that fit his "Ostania is a nightmare" narrative, manipulating the audience loud and clear.

Like, look, buddy. I know Ostania sucks. I know surveillance and censorship are the death of freedom, but you don't need to go that far. It's yourself and your work you're sabotaging that way.

And he's not even... like, he then mocks the kid and tells him if he continues to "not share his toys" he will be arrested and killed? Bro, chill.

That's what happens when you join the trenches of a cold war but have no sympathy for your fellow human. Perkin mocked and terrified the boy and then he left laughing. He had no reason to do either of that.

Looks like Perkin's mother died, and her death was caused by their poverty; probably a sickness they couldn't afford proper treatment for. So he's in for it for personal reasons, though again, that doesn't justify being so mean to an innocent kid and manipulating the people of a foreign nation.

Wait, wait. Perkin says something interesting.

According to what he says, people keeping their wealth for themselves and not sharing - aka capitalism - is what the West stands for. But then he's mad at Ostania's government for forcing them to live in poverty and thus causing his mother's untimely death? What's going on, and what is his reason behind making the child fear the West? Because what he says there certainly isn't going to inspire the kid to go against the Ostanian government.

I'm leaning towards him not trusting Westalis either - and is just using them to rile them up to help bring the government down - and/or having a lot of unresolved issues that he's bursting out irrationally on a little kid, because the kid can't defend himself and is an easy target for Perkin's ire.

The fact that Yuri of all people, the personification of no control over one's feelings, got so mad at Perkin for terrifying the kid like that, says a lot.

Yuri made all of those appendices about what clothes Perkin wore and what people rode the underground train with him, so when Yuri mentioned Perkin went to the market, I expected a "See appendices for what he bought there" lmao

Interesting detail that Perkin had a cactus and a succulent, plants famous for needing very little care. The ashtray is also full. Visual commentary!

At least whatever is wrong with him is really really funny. The way his superior has caught onto that though XD

And he's conscious of it lmao

It's a good sign, if you ask me.

Lotsa books and another plant, I can't tell what it is but it's one that seems to require water and sunlight; and it's seated next to their full library!

Meanwhile, Perkin unknowingly, but unsuccessfully, reaches for Yuri's sensitive buttons. Yuri writes his sentence about Perkin probably being motivated by his care for his family... but Perkin is the enemy, you see. Maybe kinda related to what I said in my meta about Yuri's extremism, to him the "other side" are monsters with no empathy who only want to bring chaos. Suddenly he's faced with a man who threatens the safety of the country Yuri's beloved sister lives in, and with illegitimate means to boot, yet his motivation is something Yuri can relate to.

Considering Yuri got so mad at Perkin for scaring the child, I wonder what Yuri's reaction will be when/if he finds out Twilight's core reason to be a spy. That would gut him, I think.

Yuri's original notes on the paper say "Although it is still in the investigative phase, these actions may be caused by his personality and beliefs. Another possibility is hatred of a particular group or individual. However, that seems somewhat insufficient for the motive. Is Perkin [motivated] by concern for his family?"

It's easy to call a man such as Perkin a bigot and use such a narrative to explain his actions, and thus dub him the "enemy" and a "monster", along with anyone who would ever oppose the Ostanian government. So Perkin caring for his family and their future shocks Yuri to the point that he rips the paper off, deleting any signs of sympathetic view towards Perkin.

Perkin waits for his opportunity; after the mail is cleared from "suspicious" letters, he takes over from his coworker so that he can slip his very incriminating - and very misleading - "evidence" in.

Apparently people aren't too suspicious of people offering to help.

Perkin knew what he was doing, though. After his father warned him, he hesitates for a moment before the throws the letter in the cart and seals his fate.

It is pretty terrifying, though. Defamation is no joke but it's one of the things free press has to tolerate, if it wants to be called "free". Legal action can be taken after the press is out, in a public court, and investigate on how much of it is a lie and misinformation aiming at hurting someone or a group of people. Letting prejudiced and brainwashed police officers dictate what should be said and what not is at the height of censorship.

Perkin realizes he's fucked. He's terrified, but he knew what he was getting into - and he has experience with getting in such trouble, after all.

He's not a nice person, but I felt so sad when he said goodbye to his father and just... walked out to accept his fate.

Something interesting regarding the SSS is that they refer to themselves as "kokka hoan-kyoku" (State Security Service) and that's their official name for them, but the people may call them either that or "himitsu keisatsu" (Secret Police). I don't think I've heard anyone but citizens (and WISE agents) use the latter. Like earlier, when Perkin threw the toy gun in the trash, one of the boys used the phrase "himitsu keisatsu". I feel that's interesting because it may show how using the latter may be less... "respectful" for them.

When Perkin is being arrested, for example, he uses "himitsu keisatsu", and then calls Yuri "the government's dog". So that shows how much he respects them, lol.

SOMEONE SLAP HIM ISTG

Heeeey, Yuri... what if post-identity reveal Yor really really fucking loves Twilight and will be devastated if he's hurt? WHAT THEN?

But also hey, the fact that Yuri felt the need to reply to Perkin? It's a sign that this whole case had a much bigger impact on him than he expected. He put Perkin in the mould of "bad person who wants to destroy the country my beloved sister lives in, who makes his family sad" in order to avoid the possibility of relating to him.

He'll get there. He'll get there. It's a good sign he offered to request for financial aid for Perkin's father. Perkin thanking him for that speaks for what truly mattered to him.

I just love how layered everything is. Since the whole story is mainly focusing on Twilight's side, we as the audience are meant to sympathize and want peace to be secured, and for outside forces to help bring down the totalitarian government. But we're not meant to justify Perkin's behaviour, whether that's his fictional narratives or the way he mistreats innocent children, and at the same time we're meant to understand his motives were sympathetic. No-one's perfect, and the road to hell is paved with good intentions. At the same time, we're shown that Yuri, the "enemy" of Twilight's side, also has sympathetic motives and can also show empathy.

I mean, yeah, he swallows it down and replaces it with projection and coldness. But isn't that what Twilight does, too?

God, my heart fucking aches. He's twenty years old. He has his entire life ahead of him and this is where the regime lead him into. It's terrifying, and it's meant to be.

Yuri is so confident he'll catch Twilight and the director is like "Yeah whatever. If that helps motivate you." I see now why he referred to him as a cute puppy in episode 8. Yuri has very little experience and dreams very high but in a way, that keeps him motivated to work his ass off and never doubt what he's being told to do.

... Huh. Another similarity with Twilight? (sans the lack of experience)

Yeah oh my god that's even scarier. The director thinks that catching Twilight is too much for Yuri, but he allows him that "illusion" because it motivates Yuri. Fuck. Disgusting.

You'd think that a household with a spy and an assassin living in it would be using their peephole a little more often. Instead Yor looks surprised to see Yuri at the door. Like I get how it needed to be this way for the show, but it's a funny concept XD

Their outfits are so cozy! I love how they use different shades of red for Yor. And a detail!

I love how every single piece of clothing Yor owns has rose-shaped buttons. It's like she has an unlimited supply of them in every colour and just replaces the normal buttons with them. I know it's for stylistic choice on Endo's part but it's a cute little headcanon to have XD

Anya <3 she doesn't understand and she's still freaked out by Yuri's obsession with Yor but she cares <3

And that's the thing! Anya cannot understand the intricacies of what's just happened. She just reads Yuri's mind and what she gets is "He needs comfort." And she offers it T_T

ACAB but that doesn't mean one can't be a sentimental bastard. You know?

The little heart on the moon ended me. What an episode!

Overall, I loved it, especially after writing down this analysis! Not much plot-wise but I really appreciated this look into the political situation and how all of it affects Yuri - and how there's a lot in him that can help him grow.

Oh, and reminder that I'm anime only, so please no spoilers from the manga 😁

[peachkkuma]

📓. DIARY ENTRY 12︴JUNE 5, 2024

dear loass diary…

this couldn’t have happened any longer than ten minutes ago but I’ve finally felt what it’s like to be nailed to a state. and let me tell u this, it wasn’t the state I wanted. I’m sitting here on my bedroom floor rn, my actual diary laid out in front of me along with some pens. I was about to journal, mainly because I was feeling anxious about my circumstances, but here’s the thing. Yesterday, I made the goal to really live in imagination and try to be in it as much as I can. I wanted to know what it was like to be completely nailed to a state. Not even to get anything but because I want to and because it feels nice. anyways, back to that anxious feeling— I was thinking to myself “wait why am I feeling anxious? this doesn’t even make any sense I was happy with my state and my imagination yesterday-” until it hit me that I already was nailed to a state, the one I was trying to let die. the one that was home to my “circumstances”. the way I saw myself, saw my life, the thoughts running through my head, the plans I had for myself, the way I felt about my reality was all a perfect match for the state I didn’t want. and it was at that moment where I really felt the realization hit me. yk, the 3D can feel so real at times with all of its five senses and stuff that sometimes, I forget it’s a state. and I’ve always wanted to know what it was like to completely bask in a state, so to have realized that I’ve already been capable of doing that— that I’ve already been doing that, was just so…eye opening? and it kinda answers my annoyance, I was wondering why I still felt so worried when the truth was, how was I supposed to ever feel something else if that was the state I was so aligned with? I saw an example on another tumblr post— I’ll link it here —that said how someone wealthy like Elon Musk was used to being in the state of being rich, so it would be hard for him to fall into a state of poverty. I am so used to this state— the anxiousness, the incapability, the not being satisfied —that I merely fell into the sowf, and then climbed out of it. and because I quickly stopped identifying with it, because I went from having it to worrying about the things of my unwanted state, I was back in my unwanted state. and ofc, the thing that started this whole realization, I was thinking about things and my desired self. I was thinking about how I embodies my desired self yesterday and how that felt so… like, far away? ig? like it felt like it could never be me and I was surprised that I felt like I could ever be anything other than what I am now. and that’s actually the moment when I realize I had nailed myself to this state. now, thank god for this realization because it was just what I needed to snap me out of this cycle of worry. this means two things, 1. nailing yourself to a state is way less complicated than it sounds, it’s totally natural and 2. I am capable of completely embodying a state— u might be thinking, yeah no kidding we all can, but sometimes u just have to feel something in order to truly know it and that’s my case —and if I can do it with my unwanted state then I can sure as hell do it with my desired state. because what’s the difference? actually, I’ll tell you what the difference is. all states are equal, they’re neutral, nothing but a state. but I unknowingly decided to place one on a pedestal, I decided that because I wanted my desired state I would be harder to embody. but it’s just a state. and I’m reality, I’m imagination, I can make whatever I want come to life, whether the state seems desirable or not. that’s just how it goes, all states are available for me to occupy and then manifest. and I need to understand that, I need to get it in my head that happiness isn’t above me, that it should be natural and normal for me to have— tumblrs telling me that this is getting too long so this’ll be continued in another post #yappertron3000 🤓 (click here to read part two)

kisses, Tiffany

[princess-of-the-corner]

Thinking about the Crossover and uh. I have. A lot of questions about Scooby Doo. I am so sorry.

Which Scooby Doo do you use? Or at least what's the timeline? Because it is SO unclear for these dorks! Did they start mystery solving in high school, or was that like an after they graduated thing? Are they still in high school? Do they just like live in the Mystery Machine or motel surf? Does anybody have a real job, or are they coasting on money from rich parents (bonus points if it's just Shaggy financing them, because I've always found that thought hilarious).

Are we using like the Mystery Inc canon? Other series with genuine supernatural shit going down?

Is Scrappy a villain? Did the mystery gang ever consist of Daphne, Shaggy, Scooby, Scrappy, and that weird little Flim-Flam kid? If so, where the hell were Fred and Velma during that time (I've been asking myself this forever and have never known the answer). Did it ever have just Scrappy, Scooby, and Shaggy?

Anyway, sorry to dump all this on you (and that it's not BNHA). I am currently ill and have been sitting and stewing in delirious thoughts for perhaps a bit too long.

OKAY SO

I have decided that the Scooby Gang in my au is a bit of an amalgamate of all the versions. Yoinking from different ones.

I do take a good bit of inspiration from the Mystery Incorporated series, though I'm not going all in on the eldritch gods and rewriting reality. (mostly because I think the whole 'we ended up in a reality not truly our own' could be it's own focus).

They started solving mysteries in high school, and after graduation they decide to travel and solve more mysteries. Their funding is mostly through Daphne and Shaggy's families, though the gang does accept 'hey you solved a mystery stay for free and enjoy the buffet' rewards. They also have side gigs that would get them money. Like Velma has some IT stuff and is low-key writing her own mystery novel, Shaggy and Daphne could def rock online stuff(think cooking tiktoks for Shaggy and like. Some legit journalism for Daphne because I liked that in Zombie Island).

They do often live in the van for convenience on the road trip, but they do take hotels when they plan to stay in one place for a while.

I like Scrappy well enough. I get why some audiences hated him but come on he's just a little guy. Actually I kinda went on a tangent with @azure-wolf-227 a while back of a Scrappy spin-off that was about Scrappy and his siblings being mystery solvers or something. I think in the grand scheme of things I'd kinda merge them with the Secret Six from the 'What's New Scooby Doo?" era. Where Scrappy and co show up on occasional episodes.

And yeah over time there's points where the gang is in different locations. They never really 'break up' but they do go on their own adventures at times.

[whoslaurapalmer]

okay so many book of bill thoughts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ⚠️

-me, earlier: i hope it is as good an experience as journal 3, tasty little tidbits and lots of decoding and sticky notes and everything.......... -AND IT WAS!!!!!!!

-i know the big fear going in was like, we were gonna get too much bill backstory and it would ruin him as a character, and i'm so so so thrilled that THAT WAS NOT WHAT HAPPENED -we got a little more to add to the 'flat minds in a flat world with flat dreams' and a little more about how bill felt about living there and his hand in destroying it and honestly to me it was just. perfect. just some extra little things to think about with nothing really, truly concrete -definitely something to chew on with bill saying 'a monster' destroyed his home and him being 'twisted out of shape after the kill' and that he'd consider changing it.. like there's definitely a way to take it maybe as a tragic backstory but it also doesn't have to be because there's still so much we don't know about how it happened. and bill has........so many multitudes -like, i think, even if he has regrets? bill would do it again. he 'looked at the stars' and wanted to be one and mutilated his home world for it and although it wasn't his intent i really do think he'd do it again. there's probably a version of bill that has done it again -like personally i'm pleased with it, i'm not thinking overly hard about it, i think it's just something else to yeah chew on, and keep chewing

-aaaaa there's just SO MANY THINGS to talk about. so many fucking things!!!

-i love the page setups! i love the like, science book looking pages. the ads. the omnipresent superficial physicality of a non-physical being. -AND -HOLY SHIT -THE GREAT GATSBY -JUST, THERE, FIVE PAGES OF THE GREAT GATSBY -GREAT GATSBY -incredible. absolutely so, i'm still laughing

-THE TROLLEY PROBLEM PAGE. THE TEST. THE 90S 'SQUINT TO SEE A PICTURE' PICTURE. MCKAYLEIGH. THE REFERENCE TO THE FAKE JOURNAL AUTHOR LEAKS. THE 'IT WAS ALIENS' MEME. WOULDST THOU LIKE TO LIVE RIDICULOUSLY. ABE LINCOLN RATATOUILLE. CIPHER, I CHOOSE YOU! THE PRECIOUS MOMENTS PUDGYLILDARLINS TRI ANGELS COLLECTION, BY MARTHA

-no I REALLY thought we were gonna get CONFIRMED SAME COIN. on the chapter cover for bill's origins he's literally coming through the wall of stan and ford's childhood living room. stan's page going 'how is bill even writing this anyway?? where is he??' the stress from the axolotl on 'different form'. I was sooooooooo anxious to turn the page at the end bc I was like oh my god is this it. is this it. IS THIS IT -it was not! -but goddamn. -although. wait. actually really reading the therapy part with my brain in gear compared to seeing it last night -yknow....................i mean...................he's eligible for reincarnation if he "completes" therapy -so -so -SO -HELLO??????????????????????????????????? -WAIT????????????????? -is it. are we considering. this is happening

-I felt the delight and horror and heartbreak that only ford's journal entries can make me feel. godddddddddddddd -GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -i've always stood by, ford loved bill but bill only saw ford as someone easy to manipulate and, yeah, absolutely seduce, but that bill very much never felt the same way -and I still generally stand by it but also. wow yeah ford was very. special and exciting and desirable to bill. his idiot his genius his perfect vessel and partner, better than anyone else bill ever tried to use before him. and bill was very much enamored by how much ford revered him and wanted his company -THE. THE FUCKING KARAOKE PAGE?????????????????? -hand to my mouth, wide-eyed in horror -right up there with the sinking, heart-wrenching experience of the 'my muse lied to me' pages in journal 3

-"but then he'll disappear for weeks, months at a time, and i am left to wonder. has it all been in my head? and if it has...would that be enough?" FORD.........................

-ford: are we still partners? bill: LOOK YOU'RE THE ONE CAVORTING WITH A HILLBILLY me: y'all. i swear to god.

-bill: no i was soooooo totally fine when ford locked me out of his mind and his life and stopped doing what i wanted him to do soooooooooo okay with it ahahahahaha the police report: he was NOT FINE

-"I know sixer secretly loved our 'will-they-won't-they-destroy-the-world' relationship. this was just his way of keeping things spicy!" BILL

-bill: i will NOT talk about the removed henchmaniac (who i swear to god looked like fucking JHESELBRAUM????? it has to be jheselbraum.) but LET ME GIVE YOU ALL THE HOT DEETS ABOUT GETTING BETRAYED AND STABBED IN THE BACK BY A HUMAN. UHHH I MEAN. WOW WHAT AN ASSHOLE, HUH???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-bill: i'm totally gonna be on the lookout for My Prophesied Enemy. They Will Definitely Not Get Me! No Sir!!! -also bill: WOW WHAT A TASTY HUNK OF HUMAN SURELY PINNING ALL MY DESIRES ON HIM WILL NOT BACKFIRE ON ME IN ANY WAY WHATSOEVER. THIS WAS NOT A PROPHECY OF MY DEMISE BUT SURELY MY SUCCESS!!!!!!

-mabel: BILL SOUNDS LIKE A CREEPY EX BOYFRIEND me: mabel my beloved mabel it's mabel my blorbo i love her so much and she's RIGHT

-dipper and mabel: you tried to kill my sibling and if i ever see you again it's On Sight Murder :) me: i love them :') oh my god :') my babies :')

-mabel in journal 3: i found this note where bill was gonna make dipper kill himself so that's horrifying ford in journal 3's missing pages: he literally could have made me kill myself so that's a thing that's happening -AND THEN BILL TRYING TO CALL STAN AND SAYING IT TOO

-oh my god and mcgucket!!!!!! and ford's crush on him too and their college photograph and fiddleford making him gloves and trying multiple times to make them, and making him a snowglobe and them celebrating the holidays together and just :(

-bill giving ford rats vs mcgucket giving him mittens. and fiddleford DIDN'T EVEN GET HIS WIFE A CHRISTMAS PRESENT

-and ford finding dipper and mabel's footprints from the time traveler's pig outside his door and looking to see if there were any kids lost in the woods my whole fucking heart oh my god :(

-bill: YOU GOT 72 HOURS, I'M GONNA SEND SOMEONE TO STEAL YOUR EYES MAN, NOT KIDDING ford to stan when he arrives: DID YOU COME TO STEAL MY EYES????? me: god nothing does tasty callbacks and everything like gravity falls. i love it so much -like he's so GOOD at revealing the right things about a story at the right time and place but NEVER revealing too much. never saying everything. there's clearly always more but we will never get it all. which is so nice -like i was READY after all this time to get a couple more details but nothing concrete. and i love it so much and it's just -aaaa! -anyway!!!!

-bill: see i went no contact with my home dimension, they were holding me back me: oh bill's the kind of guy who goes to therapy and uses the like, "therapy buzzwords" wrong, you know what i mean? me: and oh god he's not even IN therapy yet

-wendy dreaming about her mom :( -pacifica having nightmares about not breaking her family's cycle of abuse :( -HEY. HEY WHAT ARGUMENT DID DIPPER OVERHEAR. HELLO???????????????? -was that brought up in journal 3????? i do not remember and i gotta go back through bill to do the decoding so i can't reread journal 3 right away but fuck i really want to now -but also HELLO OKAY WHAT WAS THAT ARGUMENT ABOUT?????????????

-so fascinated. intrigued. wide-eyed about the parallel universe dipper and mabel part. universes where the pines family didn't win........all those different versions of them........

-"THEN HEADBUTT THE MIRROR TO SHOW HIM WHO'S BOSS!!!!" -ahahaha.......haha..............ha...........................

-ROBERT RENZOBBERT SR AND "the gentleman's two-handed hooting bird removal scoop" oh my god -and pitt bros!!!!!!!!!

-"in lieu of an answer, stanley submitted a drawing of a possum with a knife." SHANKLIN THE STAB POSSUM!!!!!! SHANKLIN THE STAB POSSUM MY BELOVED IT'S SHANKLIN THE STAB POSSUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-ford: i was whistling a 1960's tune. james and bobby, i believe? me: wait like the boys????? like my boys????? like the dream of james hurley and bobby briggs in their silly boy band???????????? oh nah probably not. me: /googles google: behold! james and bobby purify singing i'll be your puppet me: OH NO. FUCK. OH MY GOD. OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

-the fucking sticky notes oh my god

-okay finally did all the decoding -- was able to get bill's language myself which was so much fucking fun (minus 4 letters that i just think aren't used at all???) and i had to look up the runes. then as i was translating them i realized the alphabet was IN the book which i had never fucking considered and REALLY SHOULD HAVE. thanks hirsch!!

-oh my god the two owl house references in the runes!!!!!!!!!!!!!! awww..........

-okay i think i decoded everything. i think. i THINK i have spent all day doing it and i'm tired. god what a glorious experience

[velnica]

Lv. 60 — The Ballad of Oblivion (part 1)

Here we go again! After 84 years I am finally ready to finish the Heavensward bard questline. Continues on from A Saint of Song.

So of course we find Sanson waiting near Moglin. And of course the stubborn arse of a bard has yet to return. Sanson reverts back to 'Guydelot isn't dependable' anymore, after pining for however long the trek was from Tailfeather to here.

Okay now this bit is totally not canon in my book because why tf would you go back to Gridania when you have a perfect airport in Ishgard? And Sea of Clouds is under Ishgard's jurisdiction, it's probably more prudent to go there and hitch a shorter ride.

Anyway I'm going to ignore this in my own headcanon as Fjora has a standing with Ishgard and either the Haillenarte or the Fortemps would be able to spare a spot on an airship that's bound for Cloudtop, no questions asked.

I accidentally clicked here so I didn't catch the bit where Mogta said he's spoken to Guydelot, oops. Anyway of course Mr Dramatic Bard is hiding on the bloody peak of the mountain, the one with the selfsame view that Sanson wanted to show him. Of course. They're far too alike actually, and both of them are quite literally staring at the same sky and wishing for the same thing—for Guydelot's return but no, the leading man is still moping.

Melynor I give you permission to peck his stubborn skull

Why yes he did, because he cared about you, dummy.

This journal will be passed on from generations to generations of bard. It's their bible and origin story rolled into one. Nobody talks about the lovesick scribbles around the margin, and if anyone does, one of the bard veterans is ready to smack the back of their heads.

BECAUSE HE IS GUYDELOT.

God this bit is one of my favourite, when Guydelot FINALLY admits that he was wrong. He's going through the exact same motion Sanson did, where he initially thought the worst of Guydelot and then realised that he was more than what he appeared—his talent was not just a show, and he was honourable and sensitive and is a steadfast ally in combat. Guydelot here finally realised that Sanson wasn't at all about currying favours with the brass, he truly believed in the power of song and he wants to cultivate that old belief again.

They've both learned, rather painfully perhaps, that they both fell for their prejudices and the need to learn to communicate and meet in the middle if this plan was to succeed.

Something something Pride and Prejudice.

Both of them look SO DEJECTED when they realise they'd done wrong by the other. Absolute mirrors.

And the humility that he's shown here. He was all about running off by himself and doing whatever he wants, and if Sanson gets annoyed then all the better, but now he doesn't think he has the right to this quest anymore. He knew he had a good thing going and he fucked it up.

Yeah they absolutely should have just gone from Ishgard, idk why Sanson would want to beg the Adders for even more resources here when they were loath to give him any in the first place. Probably the least believable thing in this entire questline lmao.

Will be continued in Part 2!

[a-small-writer-in-a-big-world]

Okay so I’ve been thinking about soap which led me to thinking about your soap and introvert!reader 🫠

For one I know soap loves listening to her talk (obviously cause she doesn’t do it a lot) but he loves bringing up topics that she’s passionate about cause 1. She looks so beautiful when she gets into it digging into all the details and the way the personality she keeps under wraps comes out when he gets a part wrong and 2. Intelligent women turn him on 🤷🏻‍♀️

The first time he gets her to be comfortable enough around him to start actually get her talking to the point where he’s just listening he has a very hard time hiding his hard on lol 100% covers it with a couch pillow and tries not to make it obvious and thank god reader wasn’t really paying attention cause it was so obvious it’s embarrassing 💀

Another thing, reader accidentally finds out that Johnny draws. She wandered over to his place to give him some food since she made way to much and she knocks but there’s no answer and Johnny has told her before just to come in if he doesn’t answer (obviously witching certain times lol) so she makes her way in and find him sitting on his couch with head phones on drawing in a sketch book. (I want to say it’s her he’s drawing but I’m not going too 😤) He’s drawing a set of brown eyes that seem to be surrounded by a mask? She’s in awe for a moment and goes to tap Johnny’s shoulder when he notices her and screams like a girl 🤣

Anyways this leads to them eventually getting to the point of (when Johnny is on extended leaves) he’ll wander over to her place and sit and draw while she does whatever it is that she does, reading, writing, music, or maybe even art herself. It would be so beautiful if this is when Johnny realizes he loves her. She calls him so much but he also gets to be who he truly is around her and he also bring out who she really is too 🥹

(Hope this all makes sense… anyways these are just thoughts not even really hc’s just little thoughts that came forward. Oh, and i also have another little thing for Simon and roommates!reader that I’ve been conjuring up and it won’t leave my mind so I’ll eventually send that ask 😈)

you are always giving me good thoughts because you're 100% right!!!! @random0lover

Soap would absolutely fall more in love with you the moment you start talking on and on about your favorite thing or something that you're interested in. He's 100% into intelligent people he will be turned on by someone who knows their stuff and by golly the first time you went crazy he was hanging onto every word but also trying really hard to not make it obvious he wanted to make out with you

(If you've seen that tik tok audio where it's like "i'm way too horn y to talk to this woman right now" that's him when you start talking passionately)

Soap would also definitely tell you you can enter his home whenever (as if you lived there too).

I think Soap would be a little embarrassed if you saw him drawing in his journal because his very nervous about you finding out he's drawn you so many times. But he's very willing to draw you something and if you suggest he can come over and draw while you do your own thing he might actually marry you

(i am so excited for the roommate series ask that will be coming you feed me so well)

[whatfamidoinghere]

The Umbrella Academy Season 4 Final Thoughts

I have opinions I need to share. Obviously spoilers ahead so… enter at your own risk?

Firstly, the positives

To give it some credit, this was a beautiful ending. It was technically the only way they could end it bc it was clear no matter what they did, the apocalypse would follow

I loved the reference to them saving the Eiffel Tower in an alternate timeline, like they did in the comics

…yeh, that’s it

Oh wait, I loved Klaus’ relationship with Claire. I love Klaus. I love everything about him. Thank you. End quote

Now for the negatives - this will be in no coherent order so bare with me

It’s embarrassingly clear that this needed its usual 10 episodes. I think I read somewhere that the director felt that 6 episodes were the perfect amount so maybe Netflix didn’t cut it, or perhaps he was trying to make the best of a shitty situation. But every scene felt like it was missing something.

Where was the family dance sesh???

Five and Lila. No. Just. No. They’re begrudging step-sibling and that is it. And even if they did want to go down this direction, even if I wasn’t so opposed to the ship, I just didn’t care. You can’t just time skip 7 years in 1 episode and simultaneously get me to feel invested in their relationship. They needed 2 episodes at least to make me feel the impact of those 7 years. I know for 5 that’s probably nothing compared to his time in the apocalypse, but to Lila, that would’ve driven her insane, and in her breaking point, that’s when she goes to 5, bit like how they did this. Not to mention, they come back looking the exact same. 5 is supposed to be, what, 27 at this point? I sure as hell don’t see it. I would’ve much preferred a scene where, once Lila releases they’re going back home, frantically tries to clean up and cut her hair to look exactly how she did before so that her family still recognise her. Ugh that entire point was just so shit

The baby shark gag was not funny

Why did Diego and Lila have to have twins as well. I get it, they’re tired parents who miss their glory days. But if you want us to feel really sorry for them, and later mourn them when Lila has to say goodbye, maybe let us see the family interact as… as well as family. I was so excited to see Diego in his real daddy era just for him to talk to his oldest daughter maybe once? ALSO why does Lila get that whole emotional goodbye to her children and Diego just, nothing? “Get the family out of here” umm hello, even if you didn’t like the in-laws, those are 3 of your fucking children that you’re saying goodbye to forever. I think I’m just upset that they reduced Lila to being a tired mother (to me anyway) and forget Diego was the father. I would’ve so rather seen him being the dad that he never had in his life.

Like putting the family on the Subway to nowhere. Literally. It’s not like she knew how the Subway worked so she was just sticking her family on the train and hoping for the best. They made it seem as though they had never found a world safe enough. Like truly the best place for them to stay was the fucking Greenhouse world, so how did she expect the family to survive, and with no powers mind you. And also didn’t thy know at that point that all ultimate timelines would be destroyed, except for the main timeline. Was she hoping they’d magicallly be taken to the main timeline orrr? I’m just so fucking confused man

The Subway. What a fucking missed opportunity oh my fucking god. Its only true function was to have all the Five’s meet up to tell Prime Five the super duper important convenient information that would bring upon The Finale. It was such a cool concept and we saw… none of it. Firstly, they made it wayyy to easy that Five just happened to find a journal his future self made that worked out the tunnel system. You’re telling me that in 7 years he never worked any of it out. Uhhh I just wanted to see how the Subway worked and we couldn’t even get that. AND they only showed us 1 world!!!! I think alternate timelines are such a. Fun concept because you can explore multiple worlds that are like your own but a little more freaky with little to no consequences in your own world. I LOVED seeing the Phoenix Academy so much but… that was it. Imagine a montage of Five and Lila visiting a ton of worlds like our own with messed up Academy. Can you imagine if we saw a comic accurate Umbrella Academy??? Omfg the ultimate homage. I’m tearing up just thinking about what we could’ve had.

Gene and Jean were rly fun but again, what waisted potential. I loved my quirky not-so-instance parents sm

Uncle Five? Uncle Luther? Gone. Maybe I’m misremembering but they always seemed so excited to meet Claire. Ik they’re pissed at Alison or whatever (but they’re literally not though) but you’re telling me we never see them interact, despite them being some of the only sibling to care about Claire??? Oh okay, okayyy

The powers. Does nobody care that some have multiple powers now orrr? So Lila had laser eyes but could still mimic everyone else. Also the running gag of not being able to control her eyes could’ve gone on for so much longer. And Alison. Was she just so powerful she could rumour ppl without saying anything now? And when her eyes went yellow, that was a completely new power, right? And did Viktor’s powers seem different to you guys or is it bc he absorbed Harlan’s powers last season. Me personally, I think they’re should’ve gone down the Tinkerbell: The Pirate Fairy route and swapped the sibling powers with each other or completely different ones

It would’ve been such a good plot twist if after learning that the Cleanse restored them to the one true timeline, they all think it’s their original lives as a misdirect and they the horror sets in as you realise that they’re actually part of an ultimate timeline. They just could’ve done so much more than that. I know with limited episodes they had to wrap things up quickly so after they learned they had to be erased they just kinda had to accept it but I would’ve loved an entire episode of them grappling with the fact and saying goodbye and reminiscing about their past and maybe even being in denial and self sabotaging or whatever (kind of in the style of that ep in s2 when they have an hour to meet up

Why was Jennifer in a squid??? Why? did she get all the durango? Why weren’t there 42 other kids who got ur? That could’ve been such a cool parallel like cmonnn

I always suspected Ben’s death to be connected to Reg in some way so I loved the reveal… but I hated Jennifer’s involvement. Like it just felt tooo convenient. And I understand why they did it from a writers/ directors perspective that they wanted to wrap everything up but I just felt it could’ve been done much smarter. ALSO I just realised that Klaus doesn’t know how Ben died. Diabolical. I will not stand for it

Reginald didn’t recognise his own wife??? Like when Fake Gene called him “love” and Reggie didn’t clock it???

Speaking of Reggie ARE WE EVER GOING TO DISCUSS THAT HE’S AN ALIEN ROBOT BITCH???

Soooo Luther never once asked Reggie about Sloane???

Ray. Where’s Ray? Maybe the actor was working on something else and they had to get rid of his character

WE NEVER EVEN HEAD ALISON SAY “I HEARD A RUMOUR” NOT EVEN ONCE like I get she’s powerful enough to the point she doesn’t have to say it anymore but that line eats down every. Single. TIME!

Lastly and most importantly… the soundtrack. The songs didn’t slap. Simple as.

Final Statement

I think I covered all my points. I doubt I’ll make a part 2 bc honestly, the show isn’t worth my time and energy anymore. I just needed to rant bc I don’t know any ppl who watch this who have any lick of media literacy.

The finale was painfully underwhelming. It didn’t feel like the same TUA I’ve grown to love over the past few years. I can accept the ending but the journey to how we got there was one massive slap in the face. I’m going to ignore this ending ever happened thank you <3

[libbee]

SOME ASTRO MISTAKES I HAVE MADE SO FAR WHILE LEARNING THINGS:

Trying to use astrology to predict longetivity and death of someone. This is really controversial and hard to predict. Perhaps someone with gifted intuition can predict something like this but using just astrology is not a good idea. Astrology cannot tell how long someone will live or when they will die. For eg, contrary to popular belief that saturn in 8th house gives very long life, i have seen many natives passing in their middle ages. Similarly, all inner planets in 8th house have reputation of giving long lives but this is not the case. Sigmund Freud with moon in 8th house taurus died at 83 while Steve Jobs with moon in 8th house pisces died at 56. It was truly my mistake to use astrology for such taboo thing and to try to become God. In Vimshottari dasha chart, a lot of times such mahadasha, antardasha align that may generate paranoia that the native may pass away in that time period but no it doesnt work like that in every time period. In hindsight, when the native has already passed, perhaps it is possible to see in which time period they did pass and attribute that to it but it is risk of cognitive bias and there is no mental work involved. So, i think that it is very hard if not impossible to predict death from astrology. Anyway astrology must not be used for such sadistic purposes. Make the most out of each day you have. No person born will go back alive. One famous astrologer in India Bejan Daruwala passed away in corona period when he himself was doing predictions on corona. How ironic! I have seen astrologers predicting that such person will be alive for next 5 years and it is just a bad time period currently, but the native passed away within one month only. This kind of thing breaks my faith in astro and also makes the whole thing rather scary. I promised myself not to do something like this again in my astro studies. I refrain from doing death predictions.

Trying to read zodiac sign predictions to predict what will hapoen in coming month, year. This was when i was new to astro. I was born in June so my zodiac is Gemini. I used to read Gemini predictions for the coming month and year on random astro websites and blindly trusted it too. I remember preparing for exam and reading prediction that coming month will be good for students blah blah.. guess what? I failed that exam. This was rather stupid thing to do and i totally deserved what i got. 12 zodiac signs is not real astrology. Real astrology is the birth chart, time period of planets, perhaps tarot is also linked to it. But pop astrology and predictions are pure gibberish and commercial money making business. If you want to know how your coming week or month or year will be, take out your birth chart, use a reputed website to create vimshottari dasha chart, take out tarot and use your own energy and mind to come up with possible predictions. It also helps to keep a journal of each planetary time period and what happened during that time in your life so that in future you can use that journal to come up with probably future telling for your personal life path. Trying to predict fortune and success from astro alone is again a gamble. You have to trust in your skills and knowledge and practice. Dont repeat the mistake i did of blindly relying on astro to know my exam result.

Zodiac sign compatibility. This is funny but i used to see the birthday of my crush and match his zodiac sign with mine, read random gibberish on websites and thought "nah, we are not compatible, or nah i dont like this zodiac sign, or nah this zodiac sign is too superficial for me.." Couple astrology is only done with birth charts and nothing else. It takes mental effort to match compatibility. On top of that, friendship, values, personalities and willingness to be in relationship are all factors that are not within your control. You can also not tell when someone is being deceptive, lying, faking until you learn people skills and to read personalities. There is just no shortcuts in relationships.

Consuming a lot of youtube content to know astrology. Astrology has basic foundation that you can read in book and some trustworthy websites. There is nothing else to know. Watching random videos for short term gratification and sembalance that i am learning something or being productive is just not it. Astrology is personal tool. Everybody will have different language to say the same thing. Once you have read the basics, have trust in it and do not change your foundation just because someone else said so.

Astrology should not be put on a pedestal. Astrology is valid and gives answers to questions of life but it is just that - a tool, a subject, a field of knowledge. Dont make it your whole life. Dont worship it. Dont make it your whole personality. Dont use it too much that you lose your sanity. Life is meant to live not to figure out. The more you figure out, the more you will see how much is unknown and yet to be explored. You dont have enough years in your life to explore everything that is unconscious.

The only person you need to look up to is yourself. If you cannot tell the answers, i doubt anyone else can. I use to spend a lot of time watching oracle live streams, using random websites of psychics. Use your judgment to discern between money making business and genuine knowledge. Occult world is not devoid of sociopaths who simply want to make money at someone else's expense and being the nature of occult so abstract, it is easy to exploit people in terms of relationship issues, career issues, mental health issues, health issues. We cannot even blame the victim because in that vulnerable time period they are looking at all possible options to fix their problems. We learn from our mistakes only.

[thesherrinfordfacility]

Because of my heart break over Good Omens season 2, I have been trying to predict what might happen in season 3. Here's what I've got: I think Aziraphale takes on the forces of Heaven. I think Aziraphale is going to realize, the hard way, how toxic Heaven is and is going to fight Heaven to save humanity. And, I think he will start this fight alone.

Aziraphale has constantly shown that he values humanity above Heaven, but he has never really been given the chance to understand that Heaven doesn't have the same values. I mean he's seen it, but he has been told for centuries that Heaven is good - when you're told something so often it makes it hard to unlearn. He will not be able to stand by as Heaven does something to hurt humanity. He also will not be willing to see humanity last only 6000 years. I think there was a bit of foreshadowing that he will fight for Crowley's nebula to get a chance to really grow. I think having him start this battle on his own allows him to get his personal growth, and show Crowley that he is ready to fight for the things he loves (including Crowley). From there everyone will come together. I would also bet that we will get to see a lot more from God in the next season.

Any ways here's to feeding my delusions of everything being fine and Aziraphale and Crowley living happily in love forever.

hi lovely, i know your ask came in a while ago but I've needed to really take a minute to think about it properly!!!✨ I feel like ive been burned by fire as far as prediction goes (ie i got NUFFINK right haha), and think i ought to just stick to analysis lmao💀

however, possible thoughts on s3:

- second coming = greasy johnson, first up

- in terms of aziraphale, i think he's going to get a taste of actually how difficult it truly is to run heaven. i don't think we're suddenly gonna have him self righteous and be pitting himself against all of heaven's bureaucracy, because i think we need to see actually how difficult it is (as much as id hate to feel ANY empathy with any of the archangels). there's going to be red tape, stupid rules that must be followed for the greater good, moral dilemmas that as a lower angel he didnt appreciate had to be made... being a boss is hard. it's not fun, you have to please a lot of people, and make everything fair whilst essentially keeping a business afloat. i think, as it stands, it's pretty obvious that aziraphale is Not Suited for it, but is too much of a good person to not take his opportunity to make things Better

- the motives behind the metatron are going to be interesting to uncover. something tells me sTILL that aziraphale and crowley, together as a unit, are part of the ineffable plan, and this was a plan to separate them in order to prevent certain things coming to fruition (eg metatron references the second coming, but what if he's trying to prevent it???)

- the BoL has to come in again somewhere (the phrase chekovs gun now gives me a Twitch), but again i think that heaven has misunderstood what it actually is. i wonder, as the link says, if it's actually the deciding journal, or at least has a chapter in it, that chooses which angels fall and which don't... which, if aziraphale was meant to fall originally (and crowley took his place - TOTAL headcanon at this point), that could explain a lot about some motives crowley to keep aziraphale from returning to heaven's clutches, a last big secret that could make or break them... anyway i disgress

- idk about god. what really strikes me is the golden glow from heaven in s2e2, vs the sterile white we see now. plus, metatron essentially being de-facto sovereign over heaven? i think god fucked off a long while ago... i suspect she will come back, but maybe not as prominently as we'd like

- idk about crowley's s3 arc, im still thinking about that, he's probably gravitated towards tadfield or the south downs or st... but we're less than 12 hours post s2 release so all a little premature to be thinking about really!!!✨

[soupcanspecimen]

I wish I was better at conveying my thoughts more eloquently but here's my very late journal of my thoughts on ep12.

After some technical difficulties I finally watched ep12 and I've go to say:

I LOVED IT SO DAMN MUCH YOU GUYS!!!! THIS SEASON FINALE WAS ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE!!!!

That opening scene was so tense, you could literally cut the tension with a knife because of how thick it is.

Manaria was being a bitch again, I have a section on that so wait for that. The amulet was shown again but it wasn't used, I'm still crossing my fingers though because they keep focusing on that thing way too much! The scales were used in this episode however and DEAR GOD the that Ceremony had me at the edge of my seat clenchining my ass! I was legit going to die when Rae pulled out that twig!

I went from saying" never let this girl cook again" to laughing with joy when the tree sprouted up! Also can we talk about the tree for a minute? Imagine my fucking shock and hysterical breamdowm as a Lumity fan when I saw that tree for the first time! It was a tree that represented their love! You know what tree also basically does the same thing?

THE FUCKING LUMITREE!!!! THEY HAVE THEIR OWN FUCKING LUMITREE!!?!? WHEN I THOUGHT RAECLAIR DIDNT HAVE ANYMORE SIMILARITIES TO LUMITY IT KEEPS PROVING ME WRONG!!!! THESE TWO SHIPS SHARE SO MUCH DNA WITH EACHOTHER ITS UNREAL!!!! AM I LIKE THE ONLY ONE WHO SEES THIS!?!?

Ahem anyways.

Rae's confession was so raw and emotional to where you can feel the love flowing out of her words and you can see this is different from her other confessions cause she saying what she's wanted to say since the start and without hiding behind a mask this time. And when Clair admitted her feelings by pulling Rae away to protect her it was super sweet and shows that she's truly grown close to Rae. She even starts calling Rae by her name near the end of the episode instead of calling her "Commoner".

Clair was also great this episode, and she actually took my advice from my episode 11 rent post and reflected on her time with Rae. Her Freudian slips and gay panic because she's finally starting to fall for Rae were super cute and gave me a lot of "Ayo pause, run that back" moments!

And also

CLAIRMATO!!!!!

Speaking of Clair starting to fall for Rae

THEY DID IT, Y'ALL THEY'RE FINALLY TOGETHER LETS GOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! CONGRATULATIONS TO THE BOTH OF YOU!!!!

God I love these two so much guys! And I would love to bestow this ship with the highest honor I can give. I've recently mace a rule to myself when it comes to ships to not use this quote lightly for it is only reserved for ships that have truly earned my respect. Ahem (*Deep Inhale)

THEYRE ADORABLE AND DESERVE ALL THE HAPPINESS!!!!

I never thought that I would ever find a ship that would ever hit the same way as Lumity did! Even if they were cut from the same cloth!

GIVE ME A SEASON 2

NOW 🌩👄🌩

The Manaria Section:

I still hate Manaria my reasoning has just changed. Like, bruh, there is actually something wrong with you! Was any of what you said real!? Did you actually violate someone or was that story also just part of your plan!? Did you have like a back up or something if either you or Rae failed!? I legit can't read you, you're actually insane! You really are the single worst wingwoman I've ever seen, cause there were a million other ways to go about it, yet you somehow picked the wrong answer. You even ruined the confession, I mean who does that?!? I am for real about to throw hands! To be honest it would make sense if you were lying since you're a technically a politician after all, that's like your guy's whole thing.

Bitch don't come back.

I think most of my recorded reaction was just me cursing at her and wanting her to die, I need to get better at insults after looking back at the recording

[huckletoon]

I've decided to play through the Metroid Prime series in preparation for Prime 4 coming out next year. Only truly finished Prime and Hunters, p sure I got decently far in both Echoes and Corruption but never rolled credits. Probably going to use this as a sort of journal for my thoughts throughout the playthroughs.

Anyway, playing through Prime has been very nostalgic and enjoyable. I'm only about maybe a quarter of the way through, but there are so many smaller details that I never gave much thought to before, yet I now have a fond appreciation for them - which I'll list now:

The HUD. There has to be every video essay already talking about this but god damn is this shit good. Classic diegetic design - the information you see is mostly believably also seen by Samus as part of her suit's visor.

Kinda similarly, the environmental effects that come as a result of wearing a helmet. Steam condensing against your (Samus's) helmet, obscuring your (Samus's) vision; Bombu's electrical fields interfering with your (assume I include Samus along with you, the player) visor's HUD; a close flash from an explosion reflecting your face against the inside of the helmet, seeing your eyes staring back at you.

Your arm cannon. Spamming a bunch of power beam shots causes waves of heat to emanate from the barrel of your cannon.

Idle animations. Sitting still for a while? You'll start looking around, fiddle with some things on your arm cannon, and eventually relax your arm cannon to your side.

None of this (except the HUD) is really necessary, but it's so juicy and adds so much to the experience of playing as Samus. Man I fuckin love Metroid.