something new about aziraphale that i’m getting emotional over on this fine night (no one is shocked): i cannot stop thinking about the first scene of season 2. specifically i cannot stop thinking about the fact that even then, in a moment where both he and crowley even looked younger due to their innocence / lack of doubt or questioning just yet, aziraphale is already doing somersaults to worry for those around him. he doesn’t even KNOW this angel, and the idea that crowley could get in trouble for asking questions shouldn’t occur to him yet, but he’s still so burdened by anxieties and doubts for other peoples’ well-being and conditioned to protect others at his own expense (not to mention eerily close to seeing through Heaven for what it is). aziraphale is so fundamentally good, worrying about other people and caring about them before the very idea that bad things could happen to a fellow angel SHOULD have ever crossed his mind in the first place. and to me that disproves all notions that aziraphale is naive, because he’s been tragically aware since before the Beginning— and before crowley. which makes moments like the post-Job “what does that make me” scene even sadder because by all accounts, if aziraphale was familiar with what it’s like to doubt and worry before the Fall even happened, before he ever should have known what those things were, then he should have been one of the angels to fall, right? Wondering and doubting and worrying about things leads to a Fall, right? Only he didn’t. In a world in which there’s a line dividing doubtless, brainwashed, “happy” angels from doubtful, too-curious-for-their-own-good demons, aziraphale might just be the loneliest being in existence. he’s quite literally the sole person (that we know of) who stayed an angel but is forced to carry a burden that never should have been his, that NOBODY around him in Heaven has to carry. and he can’t ask about it because now he knows for sure where asking questions leads you, but he probably doesn’t understand why he has to carry that burden in the first place. the one he’s been carrying it since before Earth was even created.
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@jegulus-microfic // december 7 // prompt: beloved // words: 690
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in the presence of these witnesses to join together these two people in Holy Matrimony.”
James hears the officiant talk, faintly, but the buzzing in his ears is steadily getting louder until it’s all he hears. His heart thuds so loudly that he’s surprised Remus can’t hear it where he’s next to Sirius on the first row, because that’s where the groom’s family usually sits.
He drags his sweaty palms along his thighs. The fabric of the trousers feels far too expensive to be used to dry his clammy hands.
“If anyone objects to this union, let them speak now or forever hold their peace.” The words register with a startling clarity. James blinks, eyes trained on Regulus.
Regulus, with eyes the shade of almost winter, but still so warm. Regulus, with his sharp gaze and sharp tongue, but always softening under James’ hands. Regulus, from his nightmares and his daydreams and his wildest fantasies.
Regulus, who is standing at the front of the room, calmly skipping over James as he looks out at his guests. Regulus, who is standing next to his fiancée.
And the girl is lovely, James is sure, but the main issue is that she isn’t him. Because it should be James up by the altar, hand in hand with Regulus, tears in his eyes as he reads him his vows. As he promises to love and cherish him until the end of time.
“I—”
All heads swivel to face him, jolting James into standing up. He hadn’t meant to speak, really. Had resigned himself to watching Regulus get married to someone else and get drunk at the reception until his knees found tiled floor and his head ended up in the toilet.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—” But didn’t he? In for a penny, in for a pound, or whatever. “I didn’t mean to do this now, here, in the middle of your wedding, and I’m sorry, but I can’t let you do this.”
“James,” Sirius hisses. James sees how he moves to stand from his periphery, but is sharply tugged down again by Remus.
“I love you, Regulus. I love you on Sunday mornings, before you've had your coffee and you can barely string a sentence together. I love you when you're drunk and when you're sober and when you're mean. God, I love when you're mean,” he says on a laugh, “because it means you're being yourself. And I'm so tired of thinking of reasons for why I love you. I just do. I don't love you because. I don't love you despite, or until. I love you. Plain and simple. And I know that last time we spoke you said nothing about this is simple, but it is to me.”
James thinks he might have sweated through his shirt and his jacket by the time he's done speaking. His hands are shaking, knees weak.
Regulus stares at him, mouth agape and eyes watery. “I'm sorry,” he says and James dies a little.
Embarrassment and shame settle in his stomach so rapidly he thinks he might be sick, right here down the aisle. He hopes Regulus doesn't slip on it when he walks his wife down it in a few minutes. Wonders if they'll have to step over his prone body.
But then Regulus says, “Really, I— I'm so sorry.” And then he's running. To James. Grabbing his hand and running some more, straight for the door.
James isn't sure how long or far they run, even thinks he could keep running until they reach tomorrow, but Regulus pulls them to a stop eventually.
And then he's being kissed, like the air in his lungs is the only thing keeping Regulus alive and James quite agrees because he thinks he still might die if Regulus pulls away. Thinks he could sustain himself forever on the taste of Regulus' tongue, and the feeling of Regulus' hands in his hair and of Regulus' skin under his.
“You're ridiculous, James Potter,” Regulus says, punched out and breathless, lips slick and bitten.
“And you're beautiful, Regulus Black. Marry me.”
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