#Also this woman has been a driving force in the industry since she was a teenager!!!!

[maia-radfemdu]

Piqué is such a coward cheating on genius IQ haver, multilingual, among best selling woman of all time who writes her own songs (wrote her first poem aged FOUR), dances like a goddess, arguably influenced the music industry as one of the most prominent and successful latina artists OF ALL TIME, gorgeous gorgeous Shakira. Pls this is a woman who takes up philosophy classes for fun, is a great skater and ceramicist. She's also a buisness savy multi millionare and we might wanna argue about the ethics of that but one thing about her is she's SELF MADE. This woman gave his lazy useless ass two beautiful kids and actively mentioned him in her lyrics and put him in her videos only for him to cheat on with a 21 year old intern who on top of it has like 2012 Shakira's hair. MEN AIN'T SHIT

[thetwelfthcrow]

Sorry that ask sent early! Also, people can be part of an industry their whole lives and have completely different perspectives than others. People can go decades believing something and then be shocked that their experience is an extremely limited one. And we know that F1 and single seater motor sports in general (and all motor sports really) are very traditional. They haven’t had the shift that some other sports have had. So it would not be surprising that a man who is the son of a former F1 driver has a very limited view even though he’s been part of that world his whole life. Especially because we have a bit of an idea about what kind of father Jos is and what kind of person he is. Despite his mother’s karting success, it wouldn’t be surprising if Max hasn’t ever had to actually learn about the institutional issues in racing and how female experiences differ greatly from male ones.

Especially since we do have women sharing their experiences and we have other F1 drivers that do (indirectly) disagree with Max. Anyway I love Max and I believe that he has the ability to really be a leader (we already see so much of it) and I hope that I get to see change in him over the next few years.

I’m really sorry about ranting in you ask box! This was not supposed to go on for this long.

(part 1) / (context) / (context)

apologies for the delay in my answer!

so yeah 1) people can be in a certain field their whole life and still be fucking wrong about things (or, the politer version: have different opinions about things).

2) people can be in a certain field their whole life and still know nothing. i doubt anyone on the grid can relate to the experiences that lewis has had, always being one of the few, or the only one, black guy in the field. someone like max can live and breathe racing from the moment he was in diapers and still have no clue what lewis went through.

3) adding to that, someone like max whose dad always had the money and time to help him out with his racing career and teach him and drive all around europe to go to karting races will likely not know what it's like when - once again using lewis as an example - there's no money on the plank and someone has to work multiple jobs and deal with the same, poor equipment time after time again bc they can't just afford a new car. all of this is the same point as above; when you've lived a rich childhood, you'll likely not understand these issues

4) similarly, someone who's had a loving childhood with patience and acceptance in the parenting-values will likely not understand the feelings and experiences someone like max could've had when his dad forced him to stay out on track even though his hands were freezing, for starters.

the conclusion of all of the above is: you may be in the same industry, in the same circles, in the same context, but you're all incredibly different human beings with different experiences and you can and can not relate to each other on certain aspects. and that's okay - because that's where empathy comes in.

i don't think max said anything about all of these topics though? i mean, from the quote i've seen, all he says is 'there are less women with racing careers so the chances for them are even smaller' true. 'physically it's tough but women can train for it just as men can' true. 'i don't think team principals are inherently misogynistic' likely very naive, but ok. 'there are less women, but if there was a woman so talented to beat everyone then sure she should get into F1' similarly likely naive, but i suppose it's a nice thought to have.

yes in the quote we've seen (i keep adding this bc i haven't seen the full interview/don't know the question asked/don't know if this is his full answer), he doesn't mention that the path toward motorsport isn't easy for women and that it is likely made so very hard for them every step of the way. he's got a bit of a naive/hopeful/optimistic worldview in that he thinks women get equal chances based on talent, but there's simply less women. he doesn't say anything about the why there's less women in motorsport, but he maybe wasn't asked. he may not have had the space for it. so we don't know his thoughts on that. maybe one day we'll get it, but for now i'd put this in line with what lando's said before about women in motorsport

hope this is coherent lmao i did not sleep a lot

[mystarmyangel]

[TRANS] 221114 [Jung Siwoo’s A Room] An extraordinary star that you can’t refute! YoonA sharing the story of human Lim YoonA in ‘SM Practice Room’

Editor’s note: ‘A Room’ means ‘Actor’s room’. I listen to the actor’s thoughts in the actor’s space.

YoonA is an undisputed star who has never been far off from public’s eye. The eternal center of girl group SNSD, who marked a milestone in K-pop and is still going on. In SNSD, YoonA is loved as the pretty niece of uncles, wonderful younger sister of older sisters, as a romantic figure and friend of her peers. While singer YoonA was in full bloom, actress Lim YoonA has also been running non-stop, silently, and steadily. And in recent years, Lim YoonA has also taken a huge leap forward in her acting career and her sincerity is blossoming.

The discovery of actress Lim YoonA was wider and deeper, this is in sync with her screen debut ‘Confidential Assignment’. Followed by ‘EXIT’ and ‘Miracle’ where YoonA’s various grains of the spectrum which were once unnoticed has also been revealed. In ‘EXIT’, Lim YoonA gained the support of young people by playing the role of Euijoo, a newcomer in society, a girl who was like an icon to the teens, the view of growing up to become an adult and inspiring sympathy to youth of the same age has come out significantly.

It still remains impressive when the producer of ‘EXIT’ Kang Hye Jung who won the ‘Women in Film of the Year’ in 2019 ‘Women in Film Korea Festival’ pointed to Lim YoonA who won the ‘Best new Actress’ at the same venue saying, “Let’s give another warm round of applause to actress Lim YoonA for redefining the image of the most beloved and healthiest Korean woman.” A healthy Korean woman image. I think this is the driving force behind the ‘YoonA era’ that is blowing up in Chungmuro as well as the drama industry. At the same time, I became curious about YoonA. What are the characteristics of a person who reaches the top in one field and expands it to another field? She accepted this proposal and revealed her true feelings.

11.00am Seongsu SM New HQ Practice Room. I was looking around the practice room and YoonA dressed in a modest outfit, popped her head in and entered the practice room shyly. Even while in the rush of filming for her next project, YoonA looks very happy. Indeed, she was spending a year that would make a whole chapter of a book if a book about YoonA was to be published in the future. SNSD’s activities where they make a comeback together as a full group after 5 years, successfully putting an exclamation mark, the drama ‘Big Mouth’ was greatly loved on the TV screen, and the movie ‘Confidential Assignment 2’ which has returned as a sequel was also well received by the public. This is her second heyday. In addition, her eyes twinkled at the story of her next work, another fairy tale that she would create was drawn in front of her.

Q: The first practice room was located at Apgujeong? Yes, (as far as I remember) the first practice room was at 521 Apgujeong-dong. If you go all the way up the Galleria Department Store, you will see a yellow building (Laughs). I spent my time as a trainee there. I used it for a long time even after debut, so I have a lot of memories at Apgujeong practice room. This is the third practice room.

Q: Among the memories in Apgujeong practice room, there must be a lot of tears shed right I didn’t cry in the practice room, but I cried on my way home (Laughs). It wasn’t like ‘I don’t want to let others see me crying’, I guess I was upset when the practice didn’t go well. The emotions only came later, and I cried on my way home. Hahaha.

Q: The practice room at that time and the practice room at the moment must be different in many ways right? First of all, it has gotten a lot more luxurious (Laughs). It has become a very reliable space for me mentally. Oh, this is the practice that we used the most while preparing for SNSD’s 15th anniversary album.

Q: Oh, so this is a meaningful space. I thought that this space is only meant for dance practice since it is a practice room, but you also read your scripts here. Yes, I read the scripts here too. Not long ago, while filming for movie ‘2 O’Clock Date’, the director said that it would be nice to practice in a larger space, so we used this practice room. We got together on a small scale, did some reading and practices.

Q: ‘2 O’Clock Date’ is a work that you reunited with ‘EXIT’ director Lee Sang Geun right? As it is with a director that you create good results together, you must feel reassured but at the same time pressured to perform well right. ‘EXIT’ is my first starring film, it is also director’s first full-length production work. So, he told me that ‘We had a successful debut together (Laughs). I am really grateful that such a director approached me again.  And since it is a work where the team from the production company of ‘EXIT’ gathered again, I feel more reassured than burdened.

Q: After receiving A’s room interview offer, you pondered for a long time about ‘your own space’. When you have made up your mind to do something, I think you are the type to think hard until the end so as not to leave any regrets. Why did you put the practice room as one of the considerations and think hard until the end? I’m a homebody, so I couldn’t think of anything when I heard ‘my own space’. And… if ‘my own space = practice room’, I thought I would feel like a model student (Everyone laughs).

Q: Hahaha. As soon as I heard it, I thought it was a symbolic place of where you are standing at right now. Isn’t it a space that consists of the past, present and future? Yes, we spent a lot of moments together. Even right now too.

Q: So today, I would like to talk about various matters regarding ‘YoonA era’. First of all, the sequel to ‘CA1’ which make you realised the new fun of acting, was greatly loved. ‘Big Mouth’ got a good response, ranking first in the same time slot. How is it. Are you used to this kind of love? No, I was bewildered. It was also called the ‘Second Heyday’, how should I put it? It seems like I am getting attention again after 15 years since debut from the ‘appearance of SM girl group SNSD!’ It is a pity that I could not enjoy this joy leisurely due to my busy schedule, but I thought that it was a good thing that I kept acting.

Q: Even during the Chuseok holidays, you greeted the stage of ‘CA2’ without a break. I thought of this while watching it. When does YoonA rest? Oh, I took a year break after ‘EXIT’. The things that I heard very often then was, ‘How can you take a break at such an important time….’

Q: So, it is like, why aren’t you rowing when the water is in? (Everyone laughs) (T/l note: It means why aren’t you taking advantage of ‘EXIT’ success to go further) Hahaha, that is right. But you also need to refuel to go further, right? I was saturated at that time. I decided because I felt like I was getting signals one by one physically and mentally but stopping the tempo like that really helped me a lot.

Q: What did you do to relax? Things that I have not been able to do because I’m working. I lie around and take a rest, went on a train trip to Busan with my friends, I make a schedule and go abroad myself and learn cooking… I spent time focusing on myself.

Q: How was travelling overseas alone? Are you good with direction? The map and airport bus were really good. When I was confused, I received great help from blogs posted by travellers. I had a lot of thoughts too, be it on travelling alone or the small details in my daily life and I thought, ‘What is this? It feels like I’m finally doing it?’ Since it is common for me to move according to schedules, at some point I thought that there are many things that I couldn’t do as human Lim YoonA. I came to a realization that at this rate, I am going to become someone that does not know a lot of things. That is also why I do things that are not related to my work.

Q: In a sense, it is the time of independence for human Lim YoonA. That’s right. But strangely, all of them were connected. As a result, that time was accumulated with different experiences, giving me a broader view of the field when working. There is also a change in my daily life. In the past, I used to go to places where people couldn’t see me. I don’t do that anymore. Even if anyone recognised me, I would say, ‘Yes, that’s right~’ (Laughs)

Q: How was it? It wasn’t a big deal as you thought right? (Strongly) Yes! It is really not that big of a deal. Another great realization. The world doesn’t care about me as much as I thought! Hahaha

Q: This is a really tempting statement! The beginning of this realization was when I was getting a Chinese language certificate. I registered for a certificate test because I wanted to test my Chinese language skills. When I entered the test room, ‘Lim.Yoon.Ah’ was written on the chart paper. When I saw that, I was stuck in the corner thinking, ‘What if people recognise me?’ It was just my own thought. No one was~! So, it is only me myself that was so conscious of Lim YoonA.  That was when I realized it. People don’t care about others as much as they think.

Q: Human beings will be less unhappy if they also get this realization. However, it is not easy for a star who is always surrounded with people’s eyes to realise that. You seem to be able to grasp the balance well. I have changed my perspectives a lot now. I was really mindful of other people’s gazes when I first debut. To the extent that I find it hard to even answer questions like ‘What do you like’. I think it takes time to reflect on myself and get to know myself better.

Q: Maybe you couldn’t because you have a lot of things to be careful about. That’s right. There was such situation too. I could have spit it all out, but I swallow it down in case of creating misunderstanding. In order to change that, I wanted to be able to express myself better. I worked hard to convey my intentions accurately without being misinterpreted. Now that I am in my 30s, I am spending my time applying it.

Since YoonA’s debut, she has been exposed too much regardless if she wants it or not, and her privacy has not been sufficiently guaranteed. But she is not the kind of person who hides to the extent that people can’t even see her hair. It seems like she has developed her immunity by going through trial and error.

Suddenly, I remember what Kim Yong Hwa, the director of ‘Along with the Gods’ said. ‘Sometimes I think it is important for the world to see me, but at other times, the world I see is also important as well. But when will I be able to experience the latter upon becoming an adult?’ When I told her about it, YoonA smiled broadly and let out a sigh of relief saying, ‘Wow! Am I doing that right now? I thought it was really hard to become an adult, but that is a relief.’

Q: By the way, you are learning a lot of things, including language and cooking. Because my schedule is always full, so I will always force myself to do ‘things that I can’t do normally’ whenever I have the time. I have a slight regret that I couldn’t have the time to invest in myself. With that in mind, the first thing I did was getting a driver’s license. The amount of time I spent, the results came out the same amount in front of me too, so I thought to myself, ‘Oh? You used your time well.’ Because of that, I spent my time focusing on the results that remain. So is cooking. There are also reactions. I want to get hooked on exercise too, but that has been sluggish. I guess it must be because the results are not visible instantly right in front of me like cooking (Laughs).

Q: Let’s do an action movie. I feel like you will work hard on it. (Eyes twinkling) Action movie, I definitely do want to try it.

Q: In the past, on ‘Actor&Chatter’ interview, you said, “After ‘CA1’, there have been many cases where I get to choose works based on my opinion. My acting values have also changed”. Please elaborate more on it. When picking a project, especially when it is the first movie I am working in, it doesn’t matter even if the screentime is little. For the first movie, I wanted to play a role where I could act along with great seniors even if it is just for a little bit. It is also an opportunity to feel and learn from the seniors in a close distance isn’t it? During this process, the work I met was ‘CA 1’. A lot of people said this choice was amazing.

Q: When I was watching ‘CA 1’, what surprised me wasn’t that you weren’t afraid of ruining your image. Comical acting requires a lot more skills than you can imagine. It was impressive to see a first-time actor on the big screen skilfully timing and cleverly controlling the degree of the extent (of comical acting). I can say that you are an actor that did even better than I thought. Be it with my friends or SNSD members, I am the playful type that like to crack jokes. I also like to create fun atmosphere. I think the timing when these chords were blended without me realising was “CA1’. But it was only possible because the director made it well. I felt like I have benefited a lot from the reactions from the seniors.

Q: Minyoung (played by Lim YoonA) who mistook her brother-in-law Jin Tae who was lying on the bed (played by Yoo Haejin) as the man Cheol Ryung (played by Hyun Bin) who she has a one-sided crush on, the scene where she ran away after confession is still funny even when I rewatch it. Hahaha, that scene became richer and interesting thanks to Yoo Haejin sunbae who took the lines in a fun manner. It was fun to create it while acting together on set, but my lines alone would not have made it to such a fun scene. ‘CA1’ is a work that made many people see me with a different image. My image expanded once again after appearing in ‘EXIT’.

Q: ‘Big Mouth’ Go Miho, ‘Hush’ Jisoo and ‘Miracle’ Rahee. All of the characters you have played in recent years are active cool female roles. If we look at the past works, you played quite a number of pure and innocent characters, but at some point, you have been playing independent roles. Is this a natural flow? Or is this something that you consider at your own will. After doing ‘CA1’ and ‘EXIT’, there are definitely a lot of characters like that. But do you know what’s odd? From my point of view, I tried to show something new in the dramas more often. As I was doing dramas in parallel with my singing activities, I chose more of characters that are not like my usual self. On the other hand, I showed more of my usual self in movies. Family and friends have proven that. After watching ‘CA1’, my close friends said things like, “You are just like this, you aren’t even acting?” (Laughs). For people who don’t know me well, they said things like, “How do you even thought of doing this!” When I heard such reaction, I thought to myself, ‘Just how did you view me for you to be so surprised?’.

Q: Were you upset? No, looking back, it was inevitable. I had that question for a period of time. I realized belatedly that ‘Why should people know how I am like before?’ This is only natural. I have changed little by little over time. but I haven’t shown this process well externally. As a result, the gap between ‘me who I see’ and ‘me who people see’ has widened. The YoonA people have in my mind is the last YoonA that I displayed. After realizing it, it changed. I started to show a different texture.

Q: To be honest, I was surprised that you auditioned more than 200 times before your debut as SNSD. I don’t know how it sounds, but I had the impression that you are a star who never missed out on what you wanted. How do you feel about the time you went for auditions? The first work I participated in after passing the audition is drama ‘9 Ends 2 Outs’. I debuted as a SNSD member while filming it, so I actually debuted as an actress first. However, since I have more experience as a singer compared to my acting career, I felt embarrassed to hear that I am an actress even if the number of years is the same. I can’t say that I have little projects, but I felt that way because I had more experience as a singer.

Q: You achieved very good results as a singer. That’s right. I have reached a standard while promoting as a singer, so in comparison, I thought ‘Aren’t it too insufficient for me to be called as an actor yet?’. These days, I have been working hard, and I think I want to build a lot of portfolios as an actor.

Q: It is no longer awkward for you to hear that you are an actress, right? (Shyly) I got used to it a bit more than before.

Q: Currently, many of the actors who plays the roles in Korea dramas and movies are ‘models’. “You have good physical appearance, but what do you know about acting?” They overcame the same prejudice and left their presence in the acting industry. I personally think next will be actors that originally debut as idols. The idol industry started around 25 years back, so the prejudice towards them still existed (just like how it was for models in the beginning). Idol images that are deeply imprinted in the public’s mind, hence just like cellophane filters, they are unable to see the characters they play transparently. However, as cases that break this prejudice are coming out, the public’s perspective is also changing. YoonA is at the forefront of breaking down these obstacles one by one and presenting a new model. YoonA chose her words carefully for this part.

At some point, with the creation of the word ‘acting-dol’, the way people view is also changing. It is true that there was a time when I thought, ‘Would the evaluation been different if I hadn’t been a singer?’. Conversely, I also agree with the perspective how recognition that accumulated from being a singer can lead to (acting) opportunities. But I don’t think people can talk anymore if the former or latter do well. If there is still constant talk about it, it is just proof that I am not good enough.

Q: You are currently filming the drama ‘King The Land’ with actor Lee Junho right. The meeting of the 2 young stars, who are building an impressive career as actors and are now moving forward without the need of the modifier of being a singer, is gathering great interest not only from fans but also from the industry. You also worked with actor Junho as the MC for 2021 MBC Gayo Daejejeon, and I am curious all of a sudden. From a standpoint of walking down a similar path, what kind of topics would you all talk about? We said the same things back during Gayo Daejejeon. We debut at about the same period as singers, met each other while promoting with our respective groups, after entering the path of acting and standing alone, it really brought back a lot of memories and emotions meeting again at a new standpoint. We started reminiscing about how 2PM and SNSD performed together at the same venue 12 years ago. But since we are walking on a similar path, I think we are able to relate to each other, and also able to sincerely support each other’s path.

Q: Its heart-warming just by listening to it. Yes, we will cheer for each other more. At venue like Blue Dragon Film Awards, I met (Bang) Minah and other idol friends and I was just happy to see them for no reason. Just making eye contact and saying to each other, “(Silently cheering) yes~!”

Q: A lot of people were envious when they heard that I am doing an interview with you, people of your age especially liked it with sparklingly eyes. As someone from the SES-Fin.K.L generation, I felt that the feeling that women in their 20s and 30s have for you is the same feeling when I looked at Lee Hyori. Beyond simply getting older together, I also got the impression that they are receiving some kind of ‘comfort’ or ‘inspiration’ just from watching you grow up. Wow, first of all, it feels amazing that someone is able to gain strength because of me. And maybe because everyone has grown up and started living in society so at some point, I think there is a feeling that people are looking at me with the eyes that ‘being a celebrity is also a profession and job right?’. It is just like my friends, who have been with me since elementary school. When we were young, they used to say, “It must be nice to be able to wear pretty clothes.” But now, they tell me things like “take care of your health”, “how tiring it must be?” instead.

Q: I recognised YoonA as a professional. What kind of efforts have you put in? Strictly speaking, I started living in the society earlier than my peers, right? When my friends started working, they told me “How did you do all this from a long time ago?”. As I entered the adult world a little early, I am able to sympathize with them. On the contrary, as ‘Human Lim YoonA’, I always felt like I am running a little late. Mt friends have learnt things that I didn’t know how to do for a long time and have solved them on their own. So, my experience was the complete opposite of my friends. I felt like I only experienced those things in the middle of my 30s, so one of my friends say to me, that I am like ‘Benjamin’.

Q: Benjamin? The Benjamin from ‘The Curious Case of Benjamin Button’? Yes, ‘YoonA’s time goes in the reverse way’ (Laughs)

Q: Have you ever been scared that your small words or gestures will have a huge impact on someone’s life? That is still the case. I will still be scared. Even in the case of interviews, there are many times when the text came out different from my intention. And also, an act that I did without any intention could also become a part of how people evaluate me, right?

Q: People see one thing and immediately judge them by it. Yes, watching how even the smallest thing can spread with a different meaning, although I’m not the mysterious type but I will still be careful.

Q: Celebrity is a job that requires one to be able to handle a lot of stress. I have more worries and fear in the past as compared to now. Therefore, people around me are often worried if this job will be too stressful. They thought that it would be hard for me as I am strict with myself.

Q: Nevertheless, what do you think is the reason of why you are able to do this for a long time? Well… putting myself in reality? I don’t set big goals. I am the type to resolve things that are right in front of me.

The miracle of time also applies to SNSD. In 2017, some members left SM entertainment, and SNSD who could not confirm the future of ‘activities as a complete group’ managed to come out with the 7th full-length album ‘FOREVER ONE’ without anyone missing. It is only possible if everyone has the same intention. Q: There are some cases in the world where friendship is maintained through business, but watching this 15th anniversary activities, I think that SNSD is a team that goes beyond that and makes history through friendship. Also, time is like strength, too. It would be a lie if I would to say that was no envy or jealousy when we were younger. It will be stranger if there isn’t any when you gathered so many people in one space. But as time went by, the members started to look at one another as what we are really like. It was different this time, but I felt like we met again after becoming even more mature. We tell one another honestly what we don’t like. It is possible because there is faith. I think the reason why our relationship can be seen as a good friendship is because of that naturalness. It is something that can’t be created just for show, right? The public knows everything.

The album this time was made entirely with the hearts of our members, so we became even closer. It was possible because of SM’s support but we wouldn’t be able to get together if our hearts weren’t there. Everyone said they would practice despite their busy schedules. We even said we must appear on entertainment shows too… Basically each and everyone of us are proud that we are SNSD.

Q: The fans must be the ones who give strength to that pride. While watching a K-pop program, I was like, ‘Wow’ at the cheers of the fans. No matter how much we practice among ourselves, it will only feel complete with fans cheering. On the first music show of our comeback, I was so touched to hear the cheers… I got the feeling that the cheers were telling us, ‘we have waited this long, and we will show you!’. I was moved to tears as the cheering feels like encouragement and that they were going to show the world that ‘SNSD, who we like is such an amazing group.’

Q: I want to show the fans the facial expression that you have right now, but it’s a pity that this is not a video interview. What is the biggest difference when you are back together for the first time in 5 years as compared to before? Our hearts quickly become one? There are 2 reasons for that. One is that we are working together after a long time, so everyone was able to put in more energy. The other thing is…(laughs) if our hearts are not in one, it will become so difficult in terms of adjusting schedules, so everyone says, “Hurry up, hurry up!!”, “Hey if this doesn’t work, we have to get together one more time to do it again and when will we be able to do it? Didn’t you say you have a schedule?” As a result, our hearts become even more united. (Everyone laughs).

Q: Strictly speaking, there isn’t a moment when you are not loved from the time you stepped into the entertainment industry. Do you have fears that people cannot remember you? Even if I want to be forever, but I do not think there will be forever. If I am lucky, I might be able to welcome a period of what we called as ‘The third heyday’. But nothing can be forever. As time passes, the things that I possess are not infinite. These thoughts are also included when I want to put the focus on myself. 

Q: You are preparing hard to become an adult. Haha, is that so? There was one thing that I regretted.

Q: What is it? I used to think like this when I was having a hard time. I wanted to go to a senior who walked this path first to seek advice and comfort. However, there were not many opportunities to meet. As if time was the answer, I had no choice but to realise it myself as I went through it. So, when I see my juniors or peers who are walking the same path as me, I thought ‘there will always be a difficult moment, how will you resolve it?’ along with the thought ‘I wish you will come to me’. I am not good enough to give advice, but I think I can share my experiences.

Q: When this interview goes out, won’t your phone be on fire? Hahahaha. But there aren’t many juniors who come to ask me.

Q: Even if you want to do something, there will be things that you can’t do as it is a hassle. Yes, that is difficult. As an experienced person, I know all too well what how that feels like.

Q: Everyone plays with many roles in their life. You also live as a daughter, a younger sister, a friend, an actor, and a singer. Which role do you think you are playing the best? I think the things I’m doing the most well are the roles in the work part.

Q: What role do you wish to do better? It’s the opposite. Because of how busy my work is, I often couldn’t see the people around me. Whenever I think of the time lost at work as a friend, a daughter, and a younger sister, I feel upset too. Why, aren’t there things that can only be done at a certain time?

Q: Yes, because time waits for no one. Yes, I feel that way more when I see my parents getting older.

Q: Do you believe in destiny, be it relationship, work, or love? Even though I don’t blindly believe it, but I do believe it exists. I suddenly thought of that when I look at the people around me. It must not be an ordinary fate.

Q: You have become the person you are today because of all the choices you have made. Thanks to these choices, you have grown. Are there anything you wish to say? No matter what, joining SM had a huge impact on my life. I also think the choice of taking a break after ‘EXIT’ made me grown even more. It was a choice only for me. I thought I should take care of myself.

Q: If you would to leave one day, I think that is a time when you wish to take care of yourself (Laughs). Haha. To recharge!

Q: What is a question that comes to your mind frequently these days? ‘Am I doing well right now?’. It’s a little crazy and since I have been living a busy life, there are times when I wonder if I am doing my part well in various areas and how satisfied I am. Of course, I think I’m walking down the path well (Laughs). Just like what I said earlier on, sometimes I feel like I want to spend more time reflecting on myself while living a more leisurely life.

Q: 15 years ago, the girls who were kicking into the air and singing ‘I get stronger just thinking about you’ (Into the New World) has now come back and sang ‘I become stronger when I think of you’ (Forever 1). What are the things that make you stronger just by thinking about it? Hmm… I mean…

Q: The fans? Yes~ This is really true. It can’t be help if you think it is a cliché answer, but it is true. I feel it even more these days and the fans’ support really give me a lot of strength. I want to give strength to those who give me strength, so I work even harder. One more thing, mental management. If I have been practicing relaxing for a while, these days I am working hard to take care of my mentality too.

Q: Will mentality gets better by trying? Even though there is a human nature, but I believe that the mind can change depending on how hard you try. For example, I tend to think that everything has a meaning to it. When I think about it like that, even if something hard happens, rather than digging into why this happened to me, I move on, saying, “I think a difficult situation has happened in order for me to feel something.” Giving meaning to change perspective, sometimes it fails but it helps.

Q: How does it feel to be at the top of one field and expanding your field in another? Well, to be honest, I think I am lucky.

Q: Luck? I couldn’t have reached this point with just my skills alone. I also put in a lot of effort, but I think it was possible because of the opportunity and timing matched well with luck. I am thankful to the company staff and people around me who stayed with me for a long time. So, I tried to be more humble. The things that are given to me. 

Q: You mentioned luck but are you also proud of the path you have walked? That’s what I think. That it is the result of persistence. I am proud of myself. (Laughs)

On this day, the word that YoonA mentioned the most is ‘persistence’. No matter how much you love what you are doing, there will always be storm like moments, and anxiety about an uncertain tomorrow that comes rushing in. At this time, looking at YoonA, I thought that the power to overcome such vagueness and anxiety would be to trust in the time that your steadiness and persistence has built up. In that belief, I think that the YoonA era would continue.

Source: Cine_play Trans: mystarmyangel

[walkuntilthedaylight]

The people have spoken! How can I not give them what they want?

I'm gonna put this all under a cut, since it's a bit long, and also because it's highly interpretative/speculative and not everyone likes those kinds of posts as they can be rather subjective and, I suppose, invasive. I want to give two major caveats to my thoughts below: first is that I tend not to buy the idea that Paul was the "stable/normal" Beatle, mostly b/c I view marijuana dependency and workaholism as addictions and I take them pretty seriously. Second is that I really do love this kind of tabloid/gossip/personal account shit; I think it should be taken with a handful of salt, but I don't think it should be entirely dismissed out of hand either. I read this stuff like I'm piling up sheets of stained glass: I'm intrigued by the places where the colours blend and overlap, and ignore things that fall outside the prism. Anyway, let's dig in:

Okay, so what I found fascinating about 'Body Count' is that it's one of the only sources which observes Paul McCartney's mental health during the period between the India trip and when the band breakup really got rolling. I think it's overall a fairly self-absorbed text that definitely has some lies and exaggerations peppered in there to make things spicier and more dramatic, but its broad characterization - as I mentioned in my first post - isn't exactly libelous or out of left field. Some elements that make me think it's generally if not wholly authentic are: Paul's simultaneously forceful and dorky seduction style, his terrible Liverpool diet and poor housekeeping, the bouts of thrill-seeking recklessness, avoidant adventure crafting, dark moods when drinking non-socially, the occasional hot and cold bouts with the Apple Scuffs camped out at his gate, and the way in which he underplays his drug habit, which is SO "in truthfulness we spent most of the filming of Help! slightly stoned":

These details are so bizarrely specific and have significant overlap with both sympathetic and spurned personal accounts of Paul I've read in the past, so I believe Francie is just telling "Her Version Of The Truth" here rather than crafting a piece of pure fiction. The most important and revealing anecdote in the book is this one.

There's no reason not to believe this is a fairly accurate representation of something that actually happened, imo, since we know that anxious purse strings were an ongoing issue in the unusual turnover rate within the band Wings, and there are plenty of confirmed and rumoured cases alike of extended family members feeling entitled to a "piece of the pie"; this is just like, the kind of thing that happens to working class people who get catapulted into fame and fortune. And Paul in particular already had deep-seated financial anxiety for whatever reasons he'll never fully admit (as is his right, but I think his offhand claim that he "once heard some adults arguing about money and that's why" might actually be alluding to having heard some adults - y'know, like his parents - arguing over money fairly frequently). What esp interests me about the anecdote is the way Paul seems to connect the conflict b/t his dual "identities" with these financial expectations. Perhaps the CAPSLOCK emotional hysteria related in the book is puffed up for drama, but it does bring to mind one of the most revealing comments Linda ever made about their relationship, which is that Paul needed to be told he would still be loved when the cameras weren't rolling. And that's the thing: Francie caught Paul at the exact moment that the pillars of his Smile-For-The-Camera "Beatle" identity were collapsing; the dissolution of his relationships with John and Jane.

Whatever all this could possibly mean re: the breakup of the Lennon-McCartney partnership is a post for another time. What I wanna do instead is apply the level of speculation we usually reserve for that relationship to the endpoint of Paul and Jane's courtship.

So like, Paul and Jane: I know people are resistant to this specific POV, but I honestly just don't... think it was that deep? "Not deep", mind you, doesn't mean "not significant". Paul was obviously Jane's first love (u never forget), but the feeling I get from Paul's side (as a subconscious process I mean) is that Jane's importance was primarily as a lynchpin in his London Socialite persona. He loved her family, he loved the friend group, the artistic scene dating her gave him access to, as well as the leg up he got in the class system, etc. He liked to be the kind of guy who was dating Jane Asher. But I don't know that he was the guy who was dating Jane Asher, you get me? When people describe their "great love" they accidentally tell on them (Cynthia innocently describing Paul as being pleased to have her on his arm like a trophy; John: "it was an ordinary love scene"; Alistair Taylor noting that Paul was humiliated by the breakup). Paul's a serial monogamist who U-Hauls like a lesbian, of course, so he definitely took the relationship VERY seriously, but it's telling that all of his love songs to her were either about hitting a brick wall in arguments (certainly not dreamy, fond, yearning of "sunday morning fights about saturday night"; and occasionally expressing hints of class tension too), or completely non-descript Guy With A Guitar Trying To Get Laid shit. I could extrapolate a lot about Linda just from listening to McCartney I/RAM and the Wings discography, but 'And I Love Her' doesn't tell me a single thing about Jane besides that she's pretty. It could be about literally anyone the same way 'My Love' or 'Maybe I'm Amazed' could only be about his dynamic with Linda. Some of this is obviously the natural result of getting older and gaining emotional maturity; what I'm saying is that Paul's behaviour and self-expression in this relationship does not suggest to me that it was one in which his emotional maturity was able to develop or flourish.

I want to stress again that I don't think this belittles the significance of the relationship or makes it "bad" or "fake". Like, sometimes hot people just date for a while in their teens and twenties and love each other without necessarily unlocking their inner emotional cores, usually because they don't know how to. It's, like, fine. You need to experience relationships like that as stepping stones. I simply believe that this sort of front-facing social importance being prime in the romance is a major factor in why it ultimately didn't work (and probably in Linda's reported lingering jealousy of Jane, who wasn't just an ex, but also a symbol of the life Paul ditched to build a new identity w/ her, and sometimes still pined for). With Jane, Paul was dating the "right" kind of girl (didn't put out on the first date, erudite and middle class, as serious about her career as he was, a good "celebrity" match), but the relationship often wasn't doing what he wanted it to do. Francie's observation is that by 1968 it also wasn't doing what he needed it to do either. This is the overwhelming "mood" in her affair with Paul McCartney: that he needed something very badly from a romantic partner that he just was NOT getting, and Francie couldn't figure out what it was either:

(note that she means "queer" as in "mad", not "gay")

This was an EXTREMELY roundabout way of asking: well, what WAS it that Paul needed a relationship to do for him? And I think this is Francie's big, accidental insight. The most scandalous claim in 'Body Count' is that Paul told Francie that he hit Jane and it "turned her on".

I personally think this is p. absurd absent any real proof to back it up, but like, what is Francie actually saying HE'S saying here? If she's exaggerating or lying, she's trying to make it believable within the psychological parameters laid out, right? It's not an expression of some secret desire to dominate women she's accusing him of, but emotional disturbance and confusion at the idea that the woman he was with might like that sort of forceful, masculine violence more than his softer, feminine side, which he was - yeah, we all know it - deeply insecure about.

Regardless of whether specific details are true or false (and I think there's both in this story, all hyper-magnified to make it, y'know, a ~STORY~), I think what might be true is the emotional undertow of the retelling, that this all taken together is actually representative of the side of Paul McCartney she was exposed to, at a time when his public and private facades had both become unbearable to the point of cracking and the drug-fueled optimism of the Summer of Love was getting scrubbed off of everyone and everything. It's the Paul McCartney who eviscerated frogs because he was worried he was too "soft" for compulsory military service. The Paul who modelled his masculine teen behaviour off John Lennon's fake "Marlon Brando" swagger, but was actually more fond of the velvet "Oscar Wilde" interior.

What's SO FASCINATING about all this to me, is I deeply believe that one of the key factors in what makes The Beatles music so unique and compelling is that both the songwriters experienced psychological strain from the tension b/t their parochial socially-defensive "masculine" pride, and their sensitive "feminine" core, the latter of which they were able to express in the unburdened emotionality of their music. The reason I care about doing these totally unhinged psych analyses is because I do think it reveals something about the underpinnings of the music, as well as the reasons why the band was such a hysteria-inducing phenomenon (the rise of psychology, imo, is almost as important as the rise of industrialization as a defining factor of the modern and postmodern eras; mass psychology can be understood and wielded in precise ways, and The Beatles were one of the first empires built on that). The subconscious drives caused by this tension have been ENDLESSLY picked apart re: John's psyche, but Paul's "mirrored" issues are very under-discussed (mostly b/c he's still alive so people are a little more leery about putting him on the "couch" as a historical figure). 'Body Count', intentionally or not, painted a portrait to me of someone who was drowning in their own ill-fitting celebrity "suit", collapsing under the weight of "Being" "Paul McCartney". A guy who desperately needed some sort of space to be vulnerable without feeling emasculated for doing it. By 1968, there was no one in his life anymore - and maybe there hadn't been for a while, or ever - who was giving him this space.

In other words: the thing he needed to avoid going "stark raving queer and killing himself" was simply someone who would love him 'after the ball'.

EDIT: read the comments for further clarification and discussion! ;)

[tempenensis]

philosophy of “moving forward”

Human civilization as a whole is something that always changing. Culture as part of civilization construct adapts and evolves together with human who creates it. In the evolution of ancient to modern culture, believe in myth and words of mouth on the nature of unknown things changes gradually to studying them using science; in this science is the driving force of culture change and the old believe is the opposing force.   

A subtle theme that slowly surfacing is the clash of old tradition to the new, more progressive thinking. Old tradition and rules are opposed and changes are happening gradually - and while it’s been bubbling for long, it's now culminated in one controversial life of Itadori Yuuji. 

the old and rotting : the Great Three Families

One of main undertones during student fights in the Kyoto exchange goodwill arc is how old jujutsu tradition underlined to be contrasting with the more modern principles most Tokyo students follows. This especially prominent in the fights of Momo vs Kugisaki and Fushiguro vs Kamo, and secondary drive in Maki vs Mai.      

In one of elite jujutsushi bloodline, the Zen’in family, perfection is a must.  “Possessing inherited curse technique of Zen’in family”. Other than that, they are failure in starting life as jutsushi. Even among them, women are not allowed to stand in the starting line. 

Looking at these alone, it implies on how old tradition put manifesting inherited technique among anything else and especially the discrimination towards women. It reflects the view in our real history, where women used to be banned from doing works and jobs considered masculine -- a view that has largely abandoned since women rights to be in the same level with men gained approval worldwide. 

Momo’s saying this to Kugisaki is not wrong per se, since she herself probably experiences this; emphasizing Kugisaki’s naivety to old tradition that a lot of jujutsushi still largely follow. Kugisaki herself is also not in the wrong; she’s someone who puts her ego over everything - she has her own individualistic view that keeps her apart as her own person.

Another view of old tradition is the bloodline over everything else. It’s understandable if you consider the way they prized inherited technique over everything. To ensure that the inherited technique can manifest along the bloodline, one of the way is to keep the bloodline ‘pure’, to say. That’s why marriage among blood relation is probably the norm, even though the only clue of this is Naoya in the latest chapter, who considers which one of the twin is “good”, further emphasizing how little women is respected in this household. 

Ironically in bloodline with a lot of inbreeding, it’s not the strength that is accumulated, but rather the weakness. For example, in Habsburg dynasty who used to rule Europe in the past, their long history of inbreeding caused their offspring to manifest a lot of genetic disorder - one of which is a physical disability named as their own, Habsburg jaw. Charles II of Spain was the most famous example of this. As a result of inbreeding along the Habsburg bloodline, Charles II inherited a lot of genetic disorders including the Habsburg jaw. He was even know as “the Bewitched” because of his appearance. 

In line with this are Kamo Noritoshi and Fushiguro Megumi, who were born not out of inbreeding, but possessing the inherited technique of their respective clan. Noritoshi manifests Blood manipulation technique despite being a mistress’s son. While we don’t know Megumi’s mom, it is implied that she was a normal person since Touji had left the Zen’in and would be hard-pressed if he was to marry a woman from the same bloodline since he hated the clan. And I would not be surprised if Satoru is revealed actually to be a mistress son too in the future.

As if to condemn this believe, Heavenly Restriction sometimes manifest in these clan. Touji and Maki are bound with restriction of having reduced curse energy in exchange of superhuman strength. If you think about it, superhuman strength is actually way more effective weapon to be used in exorcising curse than innate curse technique that is usually simpler and weaker. All they need is some cursed tools to use. But of course, old tradition condemns them since barehanded, both Touji and Maki can’t exorcise curses.

Women being lesser than men, bloodline purity and inherited technique obsession, twins being bad omen, and the heavenly restriction being a viewed as a curse rather than a gift -- all of the believe that composed the old tradition is actually more harmful for the jujutsushi society as a whole. Theirs is an industry who is always chronically short-handed, so you would think that if there are more people available to do the job is better. But they don’t think so just because of outdated tradition. And Zenin Naoya is created as the poster child of it. He embodies everything old that Gojo Satoru discards and loathes. 

education as driving force : Kyoto vs Tokyo

Back in vol 0, Getou calls Kyoto to be holy land of jujutsu and Shinjuku, Tokyo to be crucible of curses, where large number of curses can be found.

If we look over the history of these two places, it’s quite reasonable. Kyoto used to be the old capital of Japan, used to be named Heian. As we know, Heian period when Kyoto was designated as Japan capital is known as jujutsu golden age, when jujutsu developed rapidly, curses ran amok, and Sukuna trumped over everyone as the King of curses. We still don’t know where each of Great Families (Osanke) designated locations, but as the remaining of old capital, it is actually not surprising if the Osanke is located mainly in Kyoto, especially the Zen’in and Kamo. This also implies in Naoya speaking Kansai dialect and how Kyoto school shaped.   

The influence of old tradition is prominent in Kyoto Jujutsu school. First, most of the students are somehow connected to jujutsu families. Noritoshi is Kamo clan’s heir. Mai is one of the Zen’in. Momo with her way of speaking seems also to be raised in a jujutsu family. Kokichi has Heavenly restriction which we know is inherited among children of jujutsu clan. Other than them, Toudou and Miwa seem to be not from jujutsu clan, but they are probably admitted because of influence of their mentors - and the two of them have different mindset compared to the rest of the students. 

Second, when the Kyoto principal asked the students to kill Yuuji during exchange meetings, the four agreed to it readily since that’s how their custom dictates. Todo did not like that idea and Miwa is reluctant, but she still goes along. However she then apologizes to Tokyo students via Maki.  

Contrasting to Kyoto school, the Tokyo school is a bit departed from old jujutsu custom. Most of the students are not affiliated with jujutsu families. Maki and Megumi does have Zen’in blood, but the two of them hate the clan and everything it represents. We still have not much information on Toge and Inumaki clan in general. This also applies to students in previous generation too. Nanami, Haibara, Getou; the three of them are not from jujutsu families. Gojou is from one of the Osanke, but he loathes their custom and tradition, which might  be his main motivation to go to Tokyo school. Other than them, we still don’t know about Mei Mei, Shoko, and Utahime.

If I have to name one main characteristics that drive Tokyo school foundation is that they learn. Different from Kyoto whose philosophy influenced largely by traditional value set in stone, Tokyo school learns from mistake, learns how the era changes, learns how jujutsu changes so that they can be more humane, then develops to be an unique entity. This is largely due to Yaga’s influence.

But because of him (Itadori), there are certainly lives that was saved. In fact this time he cooperates with Todo to drive away the special-grade (curse spirit). This is not limited on the students, but after this they will accumulate a lot of regrets. Aah, I should have done that, I wanted it to be like this. Aah, I should have said it, I wanted to say it. 

Whether the decision regarding Itadori is correct, truthfully I don’t know. But for now, how about we watch over him?

Yaga Masamichi is one great educator. Rather than binding them to the existing tradition, he let the students have their own view and act responsibly. This is the wisdom that build the foundation and general philosophy of Tokyo school. And his view influence Gojo, who used to be his student, in teaching the new generation. For example this; when he asks of  Megumi’s opinion of what they should do with Yuuji. And because of it, they bends an existing law to let Yuuji alive; a very blatant opposition to old custom. 

In addition, Gojo rather tends and teaches the new generation despite wants to kill the upper management; this might also largely because of Yaga’s influence. The two of them accumulate the same regret from the incident that makes Getou to stray and learn from it -- and that regret is what shapes the learning and teaching in Tokyo school in the current time.

While the two seemingly cut from the same clothes, Tokyo school can afford to be different from their Kyoto counterpart in their teaching because of several things. First is their location. As the capital was moved from Kyoto to Tokyo, Tokyo’s population grows. More human means more negative emotion, meaning the curses also evolved to be stronger. The reason why Getou called Shinjuku the crucible of curses is because Shinjuku is red-light district, where negative emotion is probably the strongest, making curses found there also stronger than any other place. As their enemy grows stronger, jujutsushi themselves also needs to be stronger than them to be able to exorcise them. In addition, the school is where Master Tengen planted his root so to speak, and they also need the strength to protect him too. They can’t afford old tradition to weaken and hold them back, so the Tokyo jujutsushi’s thinking start to depart from old custom. The second reason is because of Gojo; that in itself is self-explanatory. 

All in all, education as a whole system is not only designed to merely giving knowledge, but also to give the young the necessities so they can develop into a proper member of society. Good education system adapts to the current era and relevant view on the development of society. In the real world, modern society aligns largely with science, so science and its philosophy are integrated as fundamental parts of modern education system. And character building is also important as part of the system -- for example being critical, to be curious and question things, is an important traits to have because human curiosity is what makes us study things we don’t understand and makes science develops in the first place -- subsequently modernize human society as a whole. 

But of course, it’s all not without repercussion. Since old tradition still prevails and holds tightly by the authority, it’s no wonder that Tokyo school is now facing difficulty after the chaos that is Shibuya. 

[undercoveravenger]

Glass Ceilings

Pairing: Actor!Hamish Duke x Male!Reader

Requested: Yes

Original Request: “Hi for the fairy tale au could you do a Cinderella kinda story where he has a bad family but then against their wishes he goes to a party and meets the famous actor and singer hamish duke and they fall for each other”

------------------

Hamish Duke hated parties.

Well, that wasn’t really true; he didn’t hate all parties, just the galas his mother threw to raise money for one charity or another. Hamish really didn’t mind that the parties benefitted charities, but he didn’t like the way that the wealthy people who attended them used them as an excuse to show off just how much better than everyone else they thought they were.

He would avoid them if he could, but with his newly-found fame brought on by a lucky break in the entertainment industry, his mother had started dragging him along to all of her over-the-top events since she thought that her son’s fame would drive up attendance.

Of course, she had been right about that, but that also meant that Hamish spent the duration of each of the grand balls hosted in his family’s manor being mobbed by people that were far too old and had been married far too long for him to feel comfortable dancing with them.

It was one such night and Hamish had only narrowly escaped the clutches of Mrs. Smith, a wizened old woman with beady green eyes who always dug her overly-manicured nails into his shoulder when he danced with her the way an alley cat might sink its claws into a mouse, when he ran directly into one of the servers. The waiter’s tray tipped at the sudden impact, spilling champagne over them both.

(E/c) eyes widened almost comically behind the uniform black mask that all of the staff were wearing as he realized what he’d done. “I’m so sorry,” the waiter exclaimed, seeming torn between trying to wipe the champagne away with the decorative towel slung over his arm and being too nervous about ruining Hamish’s suit further to try. “Are you alright?”

Hamish chuckled, the first genuine laugh that had escaped him all night. He was nearly as surprised by the sound as the (h/c) that had accidentally assaulted him. “I’m fine. I’m tougher than I look,” he teased.

“Well,” The (h/c) started, “That’s good to hea-”

He was interrupted by the sound of an older woman shrieking, calling out loudly for someone to help her in the kitchen.

The server winced, panic flooding his otherwise beautiful (e/c) eyes, and Hamish felt the sudden urge to intervene. He peered over the crowd in an effort to track down the disgruntled woman before he reached out, taking the stranger’s wrist in his hand and gently tugging him along behind him until they’d made it out of the ballroom.

“Where are we going?” Hamish’s new companion asked, clearly confused. “I should really be getting back to work before my manager has a conniption.”

“Your manager, huh? Was that the lady that was yelling for you?” Hamish asked, curious what could possibly make someone work for someone who seemed so mean. “Why do you put up with her?”

The stranger nodded slowly, like he was afraid he’d give too much away. “I don’t really have a choice.”

“Really? Surely there’s better options out there,” Hamish protested, thinking back to the way the woman’s face had flushed red as she bellowed at her employees before the event had started.

He shrugged, tugging awkwardly at the sleeves of his jacket as he tried to focus on anything but the conversation. “She’s also my mother.”

Hamish stopped in his tracks, stunned. He turned to look at the former server with wide eyes, “Your mother…? How is someone as nice as you related to someone like that?!”

His companion huffed a light laugh and Hamish felt pleased that he’d been able to brighten his mood, “Well, technically she’s my step-mother, but she’s all I’ve got left and I can’t really pay for college without a job so…” He shrugged again, brows furrowing as a thought hit him, “Hey, you never said where we’re going?”

The blond grinned, tugging a fraying tapestry out of the way to reveal a hidden hallway. “Do you trust me?”

“I don’t even know your name,” he retorted, crossing his arms over his chest protectively.

“Well, that’s easy enough to fix,” Hamish grinned. “My name’s Hamish Duke. What’s yours?”

“(M/N),” he answered reflexively, eyes widening as he recognized the name. “Wait, Hamish Duke? Like the actor? Like the son of the lady hosting the party?”

Hamish laughed, nodding. “Yes, just like that.”

“I’m dead.” (M/N) said resolutely. “I’m dead because my mom’s going to kill me when she realizes that I spilled champagne all over one of the most famous people in the state.”

The blond rolled his eyes, cocking his head toward the tunnel again, “You coming with me or are you on your way to the graveyard?”

“Very funny,” he started, cutting himself off as his step-mother’s voice echoed down the hallway. “I’m right behind you.” Hamish grinned, taking (M/N)’s hand in his and tugging him along the hidden path behind him.

--------

Moments passed in almost complete darkness and companionable silence as Hamish led you through the twists and turns of the hidden tunnel, until finally the two of you emerged out into a dimly lit room with the furniture pushed back and out of the way, leaving the center of the room bare.

“What is this place?” You asked quietly as Hamish released your hand and made his way to the center of the room.

He hummed his acknowledgement softly as he started to unbutton his suit jacket, tossing the wet garment aside and sprawling out on his back to look up at the ceiling. “Come join me?” he asked quietly.

You followed his gaze upward, breath catching in your throat as you realized what this room was meant to be. Instead of finding an ordinary ceiling the way any other room might have, the ceiling here towered above you in an arching dome made out of crystal clear glass, allowing the two of you a flawless view of the stars.

“Wow,” you breathed, edging forward to lay down beside him. “This is incredible.” “Yeah.” Hamish agreed, “Breathtaking.” You couldn’t bring yourself to check, but the weight of his gaze had you suspecting that he wasn’t talking about the stars. He remained quiet for a long moment before letting out a quiet sigh and beginning to speak, “I used to come here a lot when I was a kid. When my problems always felt so big and it seemed like that was all there was, I’d sneak up here and look up at the sky and it would remind me that there’s more to life than the moments you feel trapped.”

You hummed softly as you pondered his words. “It’s hard to imagine that someone like you could ever feel trapped,” you mused.

Hamish laughed, tipping his head toward you so he could look at you, “I wasn’t always an actor. I am a law-school dropout, y’know?”

Your brows furrowed incredulously as you turned to meet his eyes, “Really?”

Hamish nodded solemnly, ocean blue eyes glimmering in amusement, “Oh, definitely. I spent a lot of time up here after my father found out about that decision.”

You hesitated as you realized just how personal this observatory was to him, eventually forcing yourself to ask the question that had been weighing on you, “Why did you bring me here?”

“I’m not sure,” he said after a moment of thought. “Does it sound crazy if I say that it felt like I was meant to know you?”

You shook your head, turning back to face the glimmering stars. “No. I think things are meant to happen for a reason.” You huffed when your phone chimed in your pocket, wincing when you noticed your step-mom’s name as the contact before reading the text. “I have to go; the party’s ended and the staff has to leave. I’ll be lucky if I’m not fired when I get home.”

“Everything happens for a reason, huh?” Hamish murmured under his breath, eyes fixing on you determinedly as you pushed yourself back to your feet. “Hey, you said you only work for her to pay for college, right? What if I offered you a better job?”

Your brows furrowed as you turned back to look at Hamish, “What are you talking about?”

“Your stepmother? You only let her treat you like that because you need the money?” Hamish prompted, getting to his feet and moving to stand before you, “What if I make you a better offer?”

You smile but shake your head, getting ready to refute his questions.

Hamish pressed on, interrupting your line of thought, “I’ll give you ten thousand dollars if you agree to go on a date with me.”

Your heart stopped in your chest as you struggled to comprehend what Hamish had just told you, “Hamish, no. I can’t accept that-”

“Please,” he said, taking your hand gently in his. “You deserve so much better; give me a chance to give you that.”

As the clock began to chime midnight and the stars glimmered merrily through the shining glass ceiling, you leaned forward to kiss Hamish, resolving to yourself that, even though you weren’t going to take the money from him, this would not be the last time you saw him.

[magicforjournals]

The Green Dress (A Story About Loki) Chapter one : Him

Summary : A love story between a simple girl and Loki. Having been friends with Natasha for a couple of years now, you were used to her meddling in your love life. You and Nat met back when she was “working” for Tony; both of them had attended the opening of the new school, which you worked at, dedicated to Stark. She had walked over to ask if you needed help with anything as you were setting up the donations table. Your friendship developed from there on and you basically became sisters. You don’t think, however, that she was ready for how Loki changed your life.

Warning : None

You smile as you look down at your phone, which was ringing on your desk. Of course, Nat would call you right as the school day ends.

“Hey! What’s going on?” You say as you answer the call.

“Why do I only work with children?” Nat whines. “Don’t get me wrong, I love my job! But God, I wish I didn’t have to babysit them, you know.”

“I know hun, but are you honestly that surprised?” You reply as you’re picking up your class material and shoving everything in your bag. “How about I pick you up from work, and we go out for some drinks? I don’t have any grading to do today!” That was a rare occurrence. You usually had so much work. Your students were some of the more gifted ones in the entire school, and you always had extra work for them to do, meaning more work for you.

“Damn, you’re either slacking or you’re very efficient teach! We are having a party tonight at the compound remember?” Shit, you had forgotten about it. Who the hell has a party on a Thursday night?! And of course, you had promised the Avengers you’d attend… smart.

“I didn’t forget,“ Lies. “I have to go home and change, I’ll head over right after.“

“I stopped by your apartment to grab your clothes for you already,“ Nat says, all giddy. “I told you that giving me a key was a mistake. And I’m parked outside, no drinking and driving tonight! So hurry up, it’s freezing out here!” Oh God, why were you not surprised that she had done all of that?

“You’ll be the death of me Romanoff. I’ll be out in a sec then,“ you sigh. This woman was sometimes too much.

You chuckle as you finish packing your bag and walk out, locking the door to your classroom behind you. As you open the door to the outside, a chilling breeze greets you, making you shiver and shut your coat closed against your chest. As you make sure your car is locked, pressing the button three times just to be sure, you see Nat waving at you from the driver seat of her car. You think about the first time she told you about her job and her past, both of you drunk in your living room, swapping stories. Of course, your past wasn’t as rough as hers, but still, you felt connected to her in many ways. She quickly became your best friend, and the one you called after each miserable date, or whenever the awful guy you were dating dumped you. After your last breakup, around 8 months ago, she had vowed to find you the perfect man. She had talked about setting you up with one of the Avengers, but nothing had come of it.

“You look exhausted! What the hell did those kids do to you today?!“ Are the first words Nat greets you with when you open the car door. Geez, you didn’t think you looked that bad.

“You look nice too Nat!“ You smirk back, tossing your purse on the back seat.

“Get in loser,“ She answers, smiling. This friendship is definitely one of a kind! As you get in, you see that Nat seems a little on edge - almost nervous. This is odd. Usually, Nat isn’t the nervous type. She starts driving away, and you lean back on the leather seat, wondering what is bothering your friend. You know not to pry sometimes but this is different, she almost seems excited?

“Spill it Red“ You finally say.

“Ok, I’ll tell you, but don’t be mad at me ok?“ She replies in a small voice, a guilty look on her face.

“Oh no, I don’t like when you make that face. What did you do this time?“ You’re even scared to ask that.

“Steve is gonna be there tonight.“

Steve… Steve Rogers, the man you’ve had a HUGE crush on since the day you met. He was just so sweet and so considerate. And hot. Oh God was he ever hot. You’ve dreamt of climbing him like a tree and feel his strong hands on your body, around your neck. Nat had once tried to talk him into asking you out, but he never did. He didn’t want to force you into this crazy mess that was his life, that much he had told you face to face. From that day on, you rarely were in the presence of one another, not that you’ve been avoiding him nor he avoiding you, it just happened that way. There still was this weird feeling, tension between you guys, and being in his company made you sort of on edge. It was crazy, you knew nothing would happen between the two of you.Nat was still hoping however.

“That’s ok Nat. I’m over it. Why do you feel bad though? About the fact that Rogers is gonna be there?“ And then it hit you… She had picked out your outfit for tonight. “Oh no, Natasha, what did you grab out of my closet?“ You ask, panic in your voice.

“The green dress.”

You nod and sigh in relief. Ok, that wasn’t as bad as you thought it would be. You liked your emerald green dress. It was a little dressy, off the shoulder, hugged all your curves, but it was nice! It made you feel beautiful and powerful whenever you wore it too. “Oh, and Thor is apparently bringing his brother too. They’re trying to rebuild their relationship, or whatever. I still don’t trust Loki, but Thor seems adamant that he’s changed, so we’ll see.“ Natasha adds, shrugging her shoulders, quite indifferent about the situation and making the turn on to the road to the compound, stopping to scan her ID at the gate.

You hadn’t met Loki yet. In the past couple of years, you had of course heard about Loki Laufeyson, the villain that tried to take over Earth. However, to you, it seemed that he was a misunderstood child and was finally lashing out after all those years. Guess you’ll be confirming your suspicions tonight.

Natasha pulls up in her parking space next to Tony’s multiple cars and you both get out, just chatting about your day at school, how your students are advancing rapidly. She cares so much about your job and your kids, it’s endearing. She would’ve been a great teacher, a mother even, if she hadn’t been brought up in that place… You subconsciously shiver at the thought of the Red Room Natasha mentioned once a long time ago, but that bit of information was forever etched into your brain.

As you walk into the building, making your way to Nat’s little apartment, you guys bump into Pepper, her arms full of documents and looking a little frazzled.

“Woah, you okay there Pepper?“ You ask, instinctually reaching out to help her.

“Yeah,“ she sighs, out of breath. “Just taking care of some business for Stark Industries. Tony had to sign a couple of things for me to go ahead with the deals.“ Poor Pepper, she worked so hard as the CEO, she often forgets to take time for herself.

“Why don’t you come by my place, we’re getting ready for the party tonight. You could use a drink Pep, seriously.“ Nat replies, taking the papers out of Pepper’s arms. “I’ll ask someone to drop these off at your office. Door is unlocked, you guys go, I’ll meet you there in a second!“ She nudges you and Pepper down the hall.

You’ve always liked Nat’s small studio apartment, it was cozy and peaceful. Like promised, Natasha met up with you guys after only a couple of minutes and you three started getting ready for the party, drinking, doing your makeup - something out of a bad rom-com honestly.

“So why are you guys having this party again?” You ask as you’re walking down the stairs to the living room/bar idea. Nat had done your makeup, (she was so talented honestly!) and you were wearing that green dress she had also picked out for you, you felt beautiful and you were excited to let loose on a Thursday night (you still thought that was weird), your week had been rough so far.

“It’s to celebrate Maria’s birthday, she didn’t want to do anything huge so we thought she’d like to hang out with friends.” Pepper replies.

And friends there was, everyone was there. Even Bucky! You hadn’t seen him in a while, he stayed away often, trying to figure out where he fits in this new life of his now. Nonetheless, you always enjoyed his company, he was quite funny and you were happy to see him again.

As you reached the bottom of the stairs you scanned the room, looking for Steve, hoping that tonight’s interactions with him won’t be too weird, when you land on a pair of stunning blue/green eyes just staring at you. Almost immediately, you feel your heart flutter and your stomach twist, a warm feeling spreading inside of you. Who was that? Your eyes start moving down the stranger’s face, below his mesmerizing eyes, framed by thick black brows, there was a straight nose, thin but beautiful lips, dimples as he was smiling at you, a strong jaw…

“That’s Loki,” Nat whispers in your ear. “I don’t know why Thor thought it’d be a good idea to bring him tonight.” She keeps talking, but you don’t hear anything. All you see is this fascinating man, who is smiling kindly at you from across the room, a spark of mischief in his eyes.

So that’s him. Loki.

[magnusmysteries]

Part 4: The Sixteenth Fear

The Magnus Archives was a horror podcast. It is now completed. Many of the show’s mysteries were never explained on the show. I intend to explain them. Spoilers for the show, but also spoilers if you wanna solve these mysteries yourself.

In part 3 I said every fear has an opposite. But the Flesh didn’t exist before the industrial revolution. So there would have been 13 fears then, an uneven number, and not every fear could balance against an opposite. So how could that be?

The answer is, there were only 12 fears before the Flesh. The Corruption and the Desolation used to be the same fear. 

Diego Molina of the Lightless Flame cult worships Asag. A Sumerian god of disease that could make fish boil. So Asag seems to be of both the Corruption and the Desolation.

In Infectious Doubts Arthur Nolan complains about it: “Not like I can vent to the others about what a prat Diego is. Got a lot of funny ideas. Still calls the Lightless Flame Asag, like he was when he was first researching it. I just really wanna tell him to get over it; I mean Asag was traditionally a force of destruction, sure, but as a church we very much settled on burning in terms of the – face we worship, and some fish-boiling Sumerian demon doesn’t really match up, does it? Plus there’s a lot of disease imagery with Asag that I’ll reckon is way too close to Filth for my taste, but no, he read it in some ancient tome, so that’s that –“

Ancient is the key word. The tome predates the industrial revolution and the Flesh. Asag probably isn’t a thing anymore and Diego is indeed a prat for worshipping it.

In The Architecture of Fear Smirke writes “I know you say the Flesh was perhaps always there, shriveled and nascent until its recent growth, but to grant the existence of such a lesser power would throw everything into confusion. Would you have me separate the Corruption into insects, dirt, and disease? To divide the fungal bloom from the maggot?”

It is not random that Smirke uses the Corruption as an example here. The Corruption is the opposite of the Flesh, so the Corruption is the fear that Smirke believed had no opposite for hundreds or thousands of years.

In part 3 I said vampires where Corruption/Desolation/Hunt. This is a little far-fetched, but I wonder if the vampire’s we’ve seen have been old ones that predate the Flesh. And that’s why they are part Corruption, since Corruption and Hunt used to be next to each other. Maybe there are more modern vampires without the long sucking tongue. Maybe instead of sucking blood, when they bite you begin to burn or boil. Since the Hunt is now next to the Desolation instead of the Corruption-Desolation combo.

In Vampire Killer Trevor says “I have killed five people that I know for sure as vampires, and there are two more that may or may not have been.” There is a missing middle part of Trevor’s statement. Maybe there he talks about killing two vampires that are modern and therefore different so he’s not sure if they’re actually vampires.

Speaking of fears splitting up, why is the Darkness the opposite fear of the Slaughter? In Last Words we hear of the first fear “A fear of blood and pounding feet, a fear of that sudden burst of pain and then nothing.” 

And of the second fear “The fear of their own end, of the things that lived in the darkness, became a fear of the darkness itself.”

I think the first was a general fear of violence. It includes what became the Hunt “Blood and pounding Feet...” and the Slaughter “...Sudden burst of pain and then nothing”, and the End “The fear of their own end…” And the second fear was the Darkness. They were the opposite by default, simply for being the two first fears.

When the Buried became a fear, the Hunt split up from the Violence to oppose it. When the Vast became a fear, the End split up from the Violence to oppose it. All that was left of the Violence was Slaughter, still opposing the Dark. When humans began warfare, fear of war fit nicely with the Slaughter.

The Eye might have been part of the Dark at first. Still from Last Words: “...because they knew the dark held flashing talons and shining eyes…” 

When the Lonely became a fear, the Eye split up from the Dark to oppose it.

So what about the Extinction? Does it have an opposite? Yes! There is a sixteenth fear. And what can be the opposite of the fear of the end of the world? The fear that the world isn’t real. That we’re all just living in a computer simulation. If you think the world isn’t even real, you’re not gonna be so worried about it ending. I’ll call it the Simulation.

Here is how the fears are arranged on the wheel, with the two latest fears added:

Description of image: A circle with 16 spots similar to a clock. On each spot is a number and the name of a power: 1. Corruption. 2 Extinction. 3. Desolation. 4. Hunt. 5. Slaughter. 6. End. 7. Lonely. 8. Stranger. 9. Flesh. 10. Simulation 11. Spiral. 12. Buried. 13. Dark. 14. Vast. 15. Eye. 16. Web.

The Extinction is next to the Corruption. Disease and garbage are both gross. Possessive is an Extinction episode, even if not acknowledged as such by any of the characters. It’s about garbage. And Maggie is creating people out of garbage. She is making the inheritors mentioned in Time of Revelation. There are also creatures made of garbage in Concrete Jungle. And Maggie was full of moving insect legs, showing Corruption influence.

Quote from Adelard Dekker from Rotten Core: “I’ve spoken before about how keenly I’ve watched news of possible pandemics, which is where I suspect the Extinction may pull away from the Corruption during its emergence.” Adelard knows the Extinction is next to Corruption.

The Extinction is next to Desolation. That fits, nuclear weapons cause fire. Quote from Times of Revelation, describing corpses: “They were stiff, and desiccated, mummified by some process Bernadette could not begin to guess at, but that rendered their flesh like tightly packed ash” Ash as if they were burned.

The Simulation is next to the Flesh. The Flesh makes you think humans aren’t people, they are just meat. The Simulation makes you think humans aren’t people, they are just NPCs.

The Simulation is the next to the Spiral. Both make you question what is real. The Spiral makes you doubt your mind, the Simulation makes you doubt your world.

There are four episodes about the Simulation: Binary, Zombie, Cul-de-sac and Reflection.

In Binary Sergey Ushanka uploads his mind into a computer. He becomes a simulation and it hurts. There is influence by the Spiral, the statement giver isn’t sure if she’s going crazy. And there is influence by the Flesh. Ushanka uploads himself into a computer and then he eats the computer. So that’s cannibalism.

In Zombie the statement giver thinks other people aren’t real, they’re philosophical zombies, In other words they like simulations or NPCs. The man that follows her repeats the phrase “Just fine, thank you for asking” and says nothing else. Just like some NPCs in video games will say the same phrase over and over. The man is identical the three times they meet, except for his t-shirt changes color. Sometimes in video games some NPCs will be identical, except for some colors are changed. (Because it’s less work to recollar a character than to draw one from scratch.)

John thinks Cul-De-Sac is about the Lonely. And yes, the statement giver was lonely. But the people affected by the Lonely choose to be lonely, and the statement giver didn’t. His boyfriend broke up with him because of cheating and then he lost his friends because they sided with his boyfriend. 

I think the theme of the statement is unreality, not loneliness. In the Magnus Archives, when someone gets marked by a power it is because they made some wrong choice. The choice the statement giver makes is to return to the place he found dead and soulless. He drives back to his ex-boyfriend to deliver the moose, rather than send it by mail. He specifically wants to meet his ex. Not an act of loneliness, quite the opposite. Also he is returning a moose that is angular and creepy, in other words it is unreal.

When the statement escapes from the nightmare it’s because he got a phone call from his ex. And he says “I love you.” and that fits neatly with the Lonely. But it also fits with escape from the unreal. He escapes because he communicates with a real person.

The road signs says “Road” and “Street”. Generic and unreal. All the houses look the same. Like in a computer game. The statement giver wonders if they are the same house. Like in a computer game where one might reuse the code for a house many times.

The house he enters has stock photos. Unreal.

The people on TV have something wrong with their eyes, similar to the eyes of the zombies in Zombie. And it's a fake cooking show, and a fake infomercial.

The dead woman upstairs was someone who had social media profiles, and that nobody notices had died. Meaning she lived her life online. That sounds like she was lonely. But living online also makes her a good victim for the Simulation. Everyone she talked to was on a computer, she couldn’t know for sure if they were real.

The woman had killed herself with a mirror. I think what happened was she had looked into the mirror and seen that her eyes were wrong, like the eyes of the people on TV. And she had thought she was just a simulation, like everything around her. And therefore she killed herself. Or perhaps she wasn’t reflected in the mirror at all? Like in…

Reflection. Adelard speculated that this statement was about the Extinction, but I don’t think so. The protagonist was in a world that seemed unreal. A fun fair is artificial so that fits the theme. The people were playing games, which fits the theme via computer games maybe.

Adelard says “I can’t quite get past the detail that there was no reflection at all in the mirror he used to return.” It is almost at the end of Adelard’s letter, it’s clearly meant to be significant. The no reflection might be symbolic for the statement giver starting to think he isn’t real, which might be what happened to him after he gave the statement.

Reflection has influence by the Spiral, with the maze of mirrors. There is influence by the Flesh, with the cannibalism.

[pro-bee]

I’m not one to say, “the media should pay more attention to this show!!!” because NCIS, like most procedurals, serves to entertain and escape, but not to really serve any greater discussion.

(Which is not inherently a bad thing! That’s what makes these shows comfort shows for so many! Not everything needs to be The!Biggest!Twist!Every!Week! “Mad Men” used to be my favourite show, but it was “Bones” and “NCIS” that made me spiral on Tumblr!)

But, I’m honestly surprised that at this point, there haven’t been any substantive thinkpieces about NCIS’ misogyny problem.

I know it’s not alone in treating women terribly — again, most cop shows do, and I’m sure “Criminal Minds” and “CSI” and “SVU” and the lot of them have their own problems — but NCIS has been one of the top shows on TV for the past two decades. With so much effort put into changing attitudes in the industry, especially in light of #MeToo and the larger discussion of diversity, it’s put a spotlight on these disparities.

And NCIS certainly comes out more problematic than many. It’s always been a sausage fest, but after some seemingly forward strides in recent years to add more women and people of colour in the show, they’re back down to two women regulars. (At least Kasie is a Black woman, so I guess that means they can check two boxes in one! /snark)

I ranted about their misogyny problem a few weeks ago when they killed off Breena to give Jimmy Man Pain character development, and here we are again with them killing off Emily to give Fornell man pain character development — after they killed off his wife a few years ago for the same purpose!

Killing!Women!Is!Not!Character!Development!

Like I said back then, on a micro level, sometimes the decision can almost make sense. (E.g. killing Breena solved the problem of “why isn’t she ever on screen?” Since the actress retired, and makes it topical because of Covid. Killing off Emily highlights the tragedy of the opioid crisis.), but it’s when these decisions are taken as a whole that they highlight an undeniable pattern in its treatment of women and people of colour.

So, yeah, killing off a minor character like Emily Fornell, who only shows up once or twice a season at most, in theory doesn’t make a huge impact on the show.

But it’s the implication behind it; that her death is going to be used as a catalyst for her father to spiral out of control, and to justify his illegal revenge spree. (This show also has a cop propaganda problem but that is a whole other topic.) That she is a character who is related to a recurring character who’s been there from the start, and close to the lead character, who is killed as an afterthought to advance the story of said male characters.

Worse than that, that method is this show’s default exit storyline. Think of how relieved people were that they didn’t kill off Jack when she left the show! All they did was exile her to a war zone to help victims of other inexcusable actions! The fact that many/most just assumed there was a not unlikely chance she would die to make Gibbs sad speaks volumes.

You know how Brooklyn 99 decided to scrap its first few episodes of their new season after the George Floyd protests, because they realized that even as a comedy they did play into the law enforcement propaganda and wanted to try to check their own actions? It’s past time NCIS did the same. And in spite of the fact that the show is a reliable machine that for the most part doesn’t spur buzz in the media, but rather trudges along reliably and winning its time slot week after week, I am kind of aghast that no one in the media is talking about this these days. (And again, I’m not a “we need to talk about this!!!” Person.)

So many other shows have been forced into reevaluating how it reflects its world, after scandalous or problematic stories emerged (on or off screen). At this point, I think it’s high time that they shine a light on America’s favourite crime show too, because it’s far past the point where it’s a quirk or a plot device.

I can’t believe I’m still writing about this!!! In 2021!!! When they resurrected Ziva, I thought it felt like a mea culpa— like, they realized that it did a disservice to her character and to women in general by killing her off screen to serve Tony’s story, and they allowed her to regain her agency, which felt like maybe the tide was turning on the show’s ethos in general. But, no. It continues to victimize and revictimize women (and people of colour and LGBTQ folks) solely to drive the narrative of white men with a saviour complex.

It’s far past enough now.

[yuzukult]

effortlessly pt. 8 || jungkook & reader

title: effortlessly pairing: jungkook x reader genre: fluff, romance, school!au, smut some chapters words: ~3.5k notes: just a couple more chapters + epilogue left!!!! :) also hpbd jungkook

series: part one || part two || part three || part four || part five || part six || part seven || part eight || part nine || part ten || epilogue 

“Jungkook thinks I should be a coach.”

Sitting outside of a convenience store on a weekday night in your track pants and a hoodie, Yura sits across from you at the table, dressed in something similar with sweatpants. It had been a while since the two of you spent time together, and you were longing for a female companion.

“That’s... interesting,” She says, lifting up the plastic covering of her ramen that cooks in the disposable bowl. “So, you gonna do it?”

“You think I should?” You ask, observing her expression. Honestly, you had expected her to ask more questions and poke for further details as to how and why Jungkook came to that conclusion.

Yura nods, pushing bowl in front of you before grabbing the other that sits beside it, replicating the same actions before handing you a pair of chopsticks. “Yeah... so you gonna do it?”

You wrinkle your forehead, leaning onto the back of your seat. “I... you think I’d be good at coaching? You don’t think it’s a bad idea?”

Shoving as much noodles into her mouth with her chopsticks, she inhales the food, cheeks full before chewing and swallowing with a nod. “Uh, yeah.” She wipes the soup remains that drips to her chin with her sleeve. “Don’t you coach Jungkook already?”

“You think I coach Jungkook?”

“Yeah, do you not?” Yura waves her hand to gesture you to the bowl of ramen. “Eat up, the noodles are getting swollen.”

Blindly following her instruction, you take a portion of the noodles into your mouth, slurping up the remains. Looking up to your friend, you look at her questioningly. “Do you think I’d be good at it?”

“Uh, Jungkook is pretty much an Olympic level kind of swimmer... so I say, yes? You coached the entire swim team, basically. They’re all doing very well.”

“They have their own swim coach.”

“Yeah, but doesn’t he just keep having practices when he’s not around? And he makes sure you’re there if he’s not, right? Pretty sure that means something.”

“Yura...”

“Hey,” She wags a finger in front of you. “You brought this up, we’re gonna talk about it. Why are you so hesitant?”

“Because...” You sigh, slouching. “I’m not sure if I like it. Do I love doing it? Is it my passion?”

Yura rolls her eyes, placing her chopsticks down. This was getting serious, you note, because Yura never pauses her time eating just to talk. “Eat first, talking second,” she’d used to say to you when you’d interrupt her slotted breakfast schedule during homeroom. 

 “Listen, you don’t need to love the idea of it right away and be as passionate about it like Jungkook and Taehyung are about swimming. You just have to like the idea enough to try it, and life sucks but the good thing about it is that you have time to figure whether or not it’s for you. If you find out that coaching isn’t your thing, then you move onto the next idea.”

“But—“

“But you’re good at coaching. Just because you’re good at it doesn’t mean that you have to have a career in it either. I’m great at eating but you don’t see me getting into competitive eating, don’t you?” Tempted to tell her that she probably should, you bite down your tongue from making the comment. “Just try it, why don’t you?”

Yura made a point— yet again, and as constantly brought up from before, you’d never tell her. It would just stroke her ego, you think, but you love her nonetheless for being so supportive and rational.

Maybe you’d look more into coaching. What it requires, what it means to be one.

That very same night, you’re up for hours to the point that the only light in your room is from your computer screen, brightly displaying onto your face. You’re straining your eyes, forgetting how much time has passed from being engrossed in your research. 

“Why are you still up?”

“Shit—” You curse, eyes wide as you stumble off your seat. Turning to the voice, you notice Jungkook sitting by his window sill, hair rustled and rubbing his eyes tiredly. He’d just woken up from his sleep. “I just got up to use the bathroom and noticed light from your room coming into mine. Why are you still up?” 

Clicking off the screen, you turn in your swivel chair back into his direction, mimicking his position by the window while resting your chin on your arms. Distressed, your fingers fidget on the fabric of your sleeves, humming in thought. “I started looking into prerequisites for coaching.” Jungkook doesn’t look like he just woke up anymore, attentive to your words.

“You were?”

“Yeah,” You nod, gazing off to the streetlights outside of your houses. “I don’t know if I’ve ever considered that before.”

He stares at you longingly, observing the expression on your face. Jungkook is hesitant about what he should say, how he should comfort you because he doesn’t want you to feel like you should force a decision from his suggestion. “You don’t have to do it just because I said it, you know. I think you’re great at it. Talented, patient, encouraging, and understanding— you have the characteristics of what it means to be one.”

“Why does it feel like my decision right now will determine the rest of my life?”

He pauses. How do you convince someone that it’s not true after they’ve already drilled the idea in their head already? How does he get you to see yourself from his eyes? He wants to tell you that there’s more to life than choosing a career at the age of eighteen and coming to the conclusion that it’s all you have, but that you’ll eventually find pleasures in other things— like your hobbies, spending time with friends, and being with the love of your life. How he made it seem like his own dreams and aspirations are what determines his own life, but in reality, he had just learned a couple days ago that it doesn’t stop there for anyone. 

“It doesn’t.” Jungkook ultimately speaks up. “But know that whatever happens, I’ll be by your side through it all, whatever you choose.”

Despite spending most of the night tense from being glued to the computer screen, feeling frustrated with yourself and debating what next steps to take, Jungkook’s words were comforting in a way, whether or not he’d result in keeping his promises.

You smile at him, and he swore in that moment that his heart was swelling to the point it would burst out his chest.

“Jungkook, I think you’re an impressive swimmer. Have you ever considered going to college for it?”

“Well, of course. It’s only my dream, really.” He jokes, mouth dry while repositioning his hands yet again. His palms are drenched in sweat, and he only hopes he’s not soaking the sleeves of his blazer. He already had to loosen the first couple buttons of the shirt that you had picked from him that morning, preparing for this meeting, hoping that with your help he’d be more confident. He’s still anxious, nonetheless.

The woman sitting at the desk across from Jungkook smiles. She notes that he’s nervous but all the applicants are coming to meet her. But Jungkook is different, he’s built of talent and drive, more than all the people she has met recently.

“I know you probably weren’t expecting anything after the outcome of your last swim meet. But I saw a couple of the ones you had previously, and despite the loss, you’ve shown the same amount of energy and motivation for all. I’m fascinated.”

“Thank you,” He retorts quickly, bowing to her. “It really means a lot from you. I didn’t know you attended those other matches, there weren’t many people there.”

“If I’m being honest, I was there for someone else, but a colleague of mine was interested in you, so I decided to attend for the two of you.”

He creases his brows in confusion. “Was there another swimmer that you had in mind?”

She shakes her head at his question, slipping off the glasses that had sat on the bridge of her nose. “No, actually, I was searching for someone who would be almost like an apprentice for a coach at our University. There’s been a rumor that she helped Kim Taehyung from your team get to where he is now, and seeing that she wasn’t even part of the team had caught the ears of those in the industry. I’m sure you know who she is?”

“I got the scholarship!”

Mouth agape, you drop your backpack in the hallway, arms open and welcoming Jungkook into a tight embrace. At this very moment, you’re not confusing that feeling in your stomach for jealousy anymore, but pure happiness for the boy you love, the boy you watched grow up to be the person he is today, chasing his dreams and working as hard as he does. 

He pulls away just barely, lips pecking the tip of your nose warmly. “Thank you. For being there, for telling me that I could do it. I can’t believe they offered me a scholarship. The school of my dreams offered me a scholarship. They want to train me and hopefully get me far.”

“I don’t doubt you for a minute.”

“There’s... something else,” He says, finally letting go of you. “And you’ll figure it out later, but I’m debating if I should be the one to tell you.”

You roll your eyes at the male, standing back to cross your arms against your chest. “Who else would tell me besides you if you’re the one saying it like that? What is it?”

“Actually, come to practice today after class.”

You slouch, disappointed in the decision he concluded with. “I’m always there at practice, do you even have to ask?”

He grins. “Just making sure you’ll be of attendance is all.”

Hoseok is walking with you on route the gym, the tips of his hair peculiarly drenched wet. He hasn’t even started swim practice yet, how is he already on the path of being soaked?

“Why are you so freaking sweaty, Hoseok?” You ask, glancing over at him. He was perspiring more than usual. “It’s not even hot out. Are you anxious about something?”

“No,” He mutters quickly, shaking his head.

“And why are you walking with me to the pool? You never walk with me. You’re being suspicious.” Stopping in your tracks, you turn to look at him, hands in the pockets of your zip-up jacket. “Spit it out. What’s happening? And where’s Jungkook?” You suddenly notice, tilting your head to the side in confusion. 

“Uh, he left to go to practice early.”

“Did he ask you to walk me or something? I’m a big girl, you know. I don’t need someone else walking me to the gym.”

He sighs, slightly frustrated and defeated. “Can’t we just go? It would make more sense if we just... walk into the gym.”

Shrugging, you abide by his instruction and follow him. He opens the doors to the arena, and you swear the humidity is worse than on an average day. You’re grateful you made the decision to tie your hair up in a ponytail that day because if your hair was down, it’d be blown up by now.

Making your way to your everyday spot on the bleachers, you throw your bag onto one of the benches, sliding off the hoodie before you notice Jungkook.

“Hey,” He says, jogging up to meet with you. He has on a smile that exposes his teeth from excitement that you’re not sure from what. “You made it.”

You stare at him questioningly. “I always make it to your practices. Except maybe like... once, but I told you I wasn’t coming.”

“I want you to meet someone.”

There’s a woman who comes from behind Jungkook, dressed in casual business attire, hair let down and fallen on her shoulders as she bows and extends her hand for a shake. You take her offer, hand in hand as you mimic her bow. She introduces herself as the recruiter that gave Jungkook the scholarship, and you thank her for giving him an opportunity, yet you find the greeting ambiguous.

“Jungkook here was able to clear up a couple things for me.”

“Clear up a couple things? What were they?” You ask, playing along to what you weren’t sure with. 

She takes a seat on the bleachers, patting the seat beside her for you. Complying, you settle yourself in the spot. “I actually came several times in search for you and wanted to discuss some things with you. Rather, you’re quick on your feet, aren’t you? You leave fast.”

“Jungkook takes too long to get dressed, I like to wait in the car before him.” You jokingly admit.

The woman smiles, letting out a light laugh. “Rumor has it, you are Kim Taehyung’s personal coach.”

You scoff in disbelief. “Kim Taehyung’s coach? His coach is Coach Choi from our high school, the one standing by the pool over there.”

She shakes her head in disagreement. “No, no. He’s different. Taehyung had mentioned before that there was someone on the team that gave a lot of the guys advice and suggestions that they took, improving consistently. I’ve also heard here from Jungkook himself that you’ve pretty much trained him his entire life, ever since he wanted to get into swimming.”

“I—“ Before you could even finish, she interrupts you mid-sentence. 

“Just once summer. That’s all we’re asking. One summer being an apprentice of our University’s coach before you start your semester. We’re hoping you’d take up our admissions offer as well, it would be an honor for us to mentor you into a career that could benefit us all. You have so much potential. We’re hoping to be able to help mold you into being better than all of us.”

Smack! Jungkook winces, rubbing his arm with a frown on his face. “Baby, what was that for?” The two of you are standing outside in your school’s parking lot beside his car, in public where anyone could witness you giving Jungkook a beating, but you could care less. “It really hurt.”

“I’m glad,” You say through your clenched teeth, feigning another hit in his direction and he flinches. “Why didn’t you warn me?”

“I was going to, remember what I said this morning? But I thought if I mentioned it, you’d get too scared and back out. I needed you there, so I asked Hoseok to make sure you came since I had to meet with her first.”

“I wasn’t going to back out!”

He pulls the handle of the passenger door, opening it for you as he gestures you to get inside. “Yeah, like I believe that.” You frown at his response, sliding into your seat, waiting for him to get to the driver’s side, slamming his door close.

“So, are you going to take the offer?”

“Huh?” You respond dumbfoundedly, as if you never expected him to ask. “Oh. I’m not sure.”

“You’re not?” You shrug in response, slouching in his seat that shifts back slightly— one of the flaws of his worn out car. “I don’t know. What if I’m wasting their time after I find out that this isn’t for me?”

“Then that’s something to worry about in the future. What about now, do you want to do it?”

There’s a lot of uncertainty that lies on the surface, especially since everyone else says you’re good at something but you’re not sure yourself if you feel confident enough to do it. How does a doctor gain enough courage to do what they do everyday? What about a nurse? An engineer, a business owner, an artist, a producer... all of the above? How does one leave the house every morning, ready to go do what they’re considered a profession in, and not feel that insecurity?

“... what if I’m not good at it?” You confide, voice gentle and quiet. There’s no hint of aplomb, just pure apprehensiveness that seeps out of each word that escapes from your lips. “I don’t want to disappoint anyone.”

Jungkook’s orbs soften. You know you shouldn’t be so dependent on someone when it comes to your confidence, but it was hard to be self-assured when you spent half of your life listening to people who didn’t believe in you. “I get it, I shouldn’t be so... negative and putting myself down. It’s just hard knowing that I might actually disappoint someone.”

He shakes his head, turning the key in his ignition as his car does its signature stutter before starting the engine. “You’re not going to disappoint anyone, everyone knows this. The only obstacle right now is yourself.”

Jungkook sounds harsh, harsher than he’d like to admit, but he wants nothing but the best for you. If anyone talked lowly of you, expect him to be first in line to defend you, and even though it’s you that’s talking down on yourself, you’re no exception. 

“I wish you saw yourself through my eyes. The amount of potential, the amount of effort you put into certain things. You don’t need this to be your passion, there’s people out there enjoying the small things in life and they’re just as happy.”

He’s hushed for the rest of the car ride, lost in thought and on a course that he doesn’t inform you where the destination is. The sun is setting over the horizon, the warm pink, orange, and yellow tones remind you of those late cool summers nights you’d spend with Jungkook, laying on a picnic blanket at a park, sharing stories of memories that the two of you shared together. During those times, there weren’t as many responsibilities, no worries in mind. 

“I hope you know that high school isn’t what we’re making it out to be.” Jungkook’s voice shatters the silence, peering a quick glance at you. “We’re making it sound like high school determines the rest of our lives, but it doesn’t. Everyone I know says otherwise. There’s more out there than this.”

“You think so?”

“I know so,” He confirms, a warm smile shooting in your direction. “And I’m going to be there for all of it.”

“What’s all of this?”

He places a light brown wicker basket onto the red checkered picnic blanket that lays on the grassy field of a location that you’re unfamiliar with. You expected Jungkook wanted to go for a drive tonight but this was not what you anticipated. 

“I don’t think we’ve had a real date since we started dating. Plus, I owe you an apology for what I said that day. I was a real dick,”

“Yeah, you were definitely a dick,” You ratify, sitting down with your legs crossed. “But, depending on what’s in that basket, I might just forgive you.”

There’s an assortment of foods— bento boxes full of eggs, vegetables, rice, stir fry chicken, and so on. He didn’t even forget to pack another set of fruits for dessert, and juices for drinks. It’s strange, you think, that Jungkook is putting this much effort because he would usually whine and make you do the packing with him whenever you’d go on picnics or trips together that required cooking food. 

“What— how?”

“It’s our first date, no? Aren’t I supposed to whip out all of the skills to impress you?” He grins innocently. You squint your eyes at him, shoving him slightly. “But you were at practice. We didn’t even drop by at home— did you leave the food in the car the entire time?”

He scoffs. “I’m not stupid! I actually asked Yura to help me. A bit risky because she could’ve eaten all of this. Kind of surprised she didn’t.”

“She... cooked all of this?” He nods, unpacking all the foods. “Yeah, I mean, I probably should have but I was on a bit of a time crunch. She was very helpful.”

Pouting, you pull open the clasps on one of the containers. “I didn’t know she cooked.” Picking up a pair of chopsticks, you pick up a rolled egg omelet that Yura had cleanly sliced, taking a bite. Abruptly, you pause.

“What? Something wrong with it?”

If Yura was better at anything else than eating, it would hands-down be cooking. The flavor of such a simple egg omelet bursted in your mouth, causing it water, yearning for more. “What—Oh my god.” Quickly, you snatch up another slice and shove it into Jungkook’s mouth, who opens up despite being confused. Chewing slowly, his eyes gradually widened in shock. “Oh— ooh. I thought she would just be average but this... this is really good.”

Then a thought pops into your head. Were you so blinded by your own problems that you didn’t even get to celebrate the success of your friend’s? Yura had been with you through thick and thin— from when you were just someone who was friends with the Jeon Jungkook, crushing on him indefinitely, to someone who pushed you to get out of your comfort zone and express your feelings until now, motivating you and putting you in place when you needed it during your doubt in yourself. 

Yura had been there for everything, supporting you throughout everything. Your own personal cheerleader. So did you mess up for not being hers?

[undertaker1827]

ooie! platonic 21 Halloween headcanons with Sebs and Under?

I AM SO HAPPY THAT OPENED HIS ASKBOX😀😀😀

Riiiiight so I completely missed the holiday (so sorry) hope you enjoy anyway!! Aww thank you❤️

21] Tell scary stories

Masterlist

-

Undertaker

Okay so Undertaker tells the best scary stories

They all kind of take place in the Victorian era going into the early 1900s (Industrial Revolution and such)

You’ve gone over to see him on Halloween, either preferring his company over others or just not having anyone else nearby to celebrate with

He’s in the front room of the parlour when you get there, the same one he’s lived in since the 1800s

You insist that a good half of the cobwebs in the place are from the same time, clearly incredibly old and so thick with dust in places that you couldn’t see through them

The grime covering the single window also concerned you, though the candles and oil lamp (all for the aesthetic, my dear) always provided a welcoming glow

The two of you were sitting on top of a coffin in the front room (mainly in case any more trick or treaters came by) with the oil lamp between you casting strange shadows over your companion’s face

Undertaker trusted you, quite a lot in fact so he had his bangs pushed back and those intense chartreuse eyes showing

This made his stories seem more scary, more real, which he knew full well

He would be lying if he didn’t admit that he enjoyed seeing you scared of something as small as his stories, finding something so uniquely human in the fear you tried to hide

It encouraged him to think of other tales to tell you, because god if he didn’t want to bring that emotion further out, to probe it just a bit more and see what you did in response

He told one about a graveyard he’d been tending to one night in the 1870s, just doing a round and making sure everything was in order - mainly checking for graverobbers

He explained to you that some graves in those days were fitted with bells - those who could afford them, that was - in case it turned out that the person buried was, in fact, still living

But as the reaper was walking, rain coming down in torrents and his hair plastered down to his head with a shovel held over his shoulder, he heard a bell ring

He glanced sharply in the direction of it, not having sensed any living humans in the area since early in the evening

He strolled over with a casual look on his face, one belying remarkable interest

The bell rang again, more incessantly this time, until it just kept ringing constantly, not letting up once

Undertaker took the final few steps to the headstone

As soon as his boot touched the ground next to it, the bell stopped dead

The mortician paused in his regaling of his tale, eyes narrowed and glowing with interest as your pale, wide-eyed face stared back at him intently

Your hands were clasped together in front of you and he could practically see the chill crawling down your spine

It was raining at this point, coming down in hard sheets that pounded against the window

You were leaning forward in anticipation, begging him to go on as you couldn’t stand the suspense a second longer

As the bell stopped, the reaper took a quick glance at the grave: Nicholas Chambers, beloved father, uncle, brother and husband

“Help me, pl-please!” A mournful voice wailed, disused and rasping as a result

A series of coughs followed and a dull thud against a rotting wooden prison

“I need help, I’m trapped down here,” the voice started again, though Undertaker simply narrowed his eyes and scoffed

“Don’t think I’m gonna let you up right now, lad,” he called down, receiving a long wail in return, followed by a cried out ‘why not?!’

“’Cause, Mister Chambers, you were left six feet under in 1698!”

He began sauntering away again, ignoring the pounded that started against the lid of the decaying coffin, the angry yelling that rang through the sodden graveyard

“Rest in peace indeed,” Undertaker muttered, “think we’ll let you stay put a while longer.”

The horrified look on your face when the story ended was enough to send the reaper into a raucous fit of laughter, making you jump so badly that you flung an arm out at random, knocking over the oil lamp and shrieking as it shattered against the stone floor

The room was plunged into darkness and you were temporarily blind with the sudden change in light

You reached around with your hands in terror, trying to find the mortician

You heard a light giggle to your side then felt his arms around you a moment later

You clutched onto him immediately, fingertips trembling

“Daft thing,” he murmured “didn’t scare you that badly, did I?”

Your lack of answer was enough to confirm to him that he had

Sebastian

Right

Sebastian is another one who tells absolutely brilliant scary stories

There was quite literally no one else you could see yourself spending Halloween with apart from him

I mean he is actually a demon, that has to count for something in terms of the quality of this holiday

You found that his apartment was tastefully decorated when you made it over there in the early evening

Well placed cobwebs hung in the corners and from the ceiling with dark candelabras positioned on various tables and shelves, black candles already burned enough to leave trails of wax down their sides

His adjustable lights were dimmed down and giving the whole place a warm, orange glow, one which was enhanced by the flames from the candles and the fire burning in the hearth

His curtains were drawn and the room was a comfortable temperature, a nice contrast to the freezing weather outside

He welcomed you in with a gentle hug, presenting you with a cup of tea moments later and elegantly taking the winter coat from your shoulders

He whisked it away to hang somewhere neatly, then you both went and sat down on the sofa together

It wasn’t like you came to the decision of ‘let’s tell spooky stories’, it just sort of ended up happening

Sebastian’s apartment was quite a long way up, meaning you could hear the wind howling loudly around the corners and battering the windows, adding a certain creepiness to the evening

The demon no doubt sensed that emotion on you and decided to use it to his advantage

He went so smoothly into his anecdote that you hardly even realised he’d done it, but your heart rate was picking up before you knew it

His story started on a barren Yorkshire moorland, with a young woman driving home from work late at night

It was the middle of winter and even with the heating on, she could feel the cold seeping in through every available join in the bodywork of the car

There were no other vehicles on the road, no pedestrians, no signs of life

As she drove on, a light mist started to roll in off the moor, soon coating the road and leaving her barely able to see a few metres in front of her

She simply slowed down and carried on, more than used to these sudden changes in weather

It was when she rounded a corner however, that she was forced to slam on her brakes

An old women was stood partially out in the road, hunched over and clutching a small bag to her stomach

She was dressed in black with a hood pulled low over her head, waving the car down

The young woman stopped, opened the window and asked if she needed a lift

In a few minutes they were off once again, the woman still with her hood covering her face

The driver seemed simply to realise something was off - a sixth sense, maybe - and took several discreet glances at her companion

It was only on the third or fourth that she realised; the ‘old woman’ had the hands of a young man

She continued driving on like before, waiting until the back window inevitably fogged up before apologising to her passenger, asking if she would be so kind as to get out and clear it so they could continue doing so

The old woman nodded, slowly getting out and making her way around to the back of the car

Only when she was well away from the door did the driver floor the car, flinching as the passenger door slammed shut at the sudden acceleration and glancing in the rear view to ensure the passenger was still standing in the road

She didn’t dare look back again when the man raised his hands to the hood of the cloak, terrified of what she might see

She sped on after that, a white knuckle grip on the wheel and mouth parched, though she would stop for nothing

She finally arrived home about half an hour later, breathing a sigh of relief when she pulled into her drive

Her back stiffened however when she saw that her passenger’s bag was still sitting on the seat next to her

Hesitantly, she picked it up and tipped the contents on the seat, only to leap backwards against the car door and gasp

The gleaming, sharpened steel of a meat cleaver reflected back at her and she was chilled to the bones as thoughts of what would have happened to her had she of thought any slower consumed her mind

Sebastian’s eyes were positively glowing when he finished, hearing your heart race and seeing the way your hands were trembling, even as you hid them in your lap

“Whatever is the matter, Y/N?” The demon asked with a smirk, “surely you aren’t that scared of a simple fable?”

He leaned forwards to pull you into a hug when you didn’t answer, shaking his head at how every muscle in your body was tensed and the way you held onto him immediately

This was another thing about humans that fascinated him; telling scary stories was one of the oldest traditions of All Hallow’s Eve that was still around, yet people scared themselves so much that they no longer looked upon it as a bit of fun, in some cases, at least

[terramythos]

TerraMythos 2021 Reading Challenge - Book 16 of 26

Title: Tales From Earthsea (Earthsea Cycle #5) (2001)

Author: Ursula K. Le Guin

Genre/Tags: Fantasy, Short Story Collection, Novella, Third-Person, Female Protagonist 

Rating: 8/10 (note: this is an average)

Date Began: 7/2/2021

Date Finished: 7/6/2021

Tales From Earthsea is a collection of five short stories and novellas which take place in the Earthsea universe. In addition, there’s a supplementary timeline of Earthsea’s history, tradition, and cultural details of note. The last story in the collection, Dragonfly, serves as a bridge between Tehanu (#4) and The Other Wind (#6), the final book in the series. 

Of the five stories, my favorites (both 10/10s) were The Finder and On The High Marsh.

The way one does research into nonexistent history is to tell the story and find out what happened. I believe this isn’t very different from what historians of the so-called real world do. Even if we are present at some historic event, do we comprehend it— can we even remember it— until we can tell it in a story? 

Content warnings, individual ratings/commentary, and spoilers below the cut.

Content warnings for the book: Death and violence, child abuse (including implied sexual abuse), police brutality, slavery, reference to torture and execution, brief reference to inc*st, misogyny, animal cruelty, mild body horror, very brief implied mind control via a "love charm" (it doesn't work).

#1 - The Finder (10/10)

In The Dark Time, magic is widely mistrusted. Petty tyrants use the once noble art in pursuit of power and glory. Medra, the son of a shipwright in Havnor, has magical talents honed in secret. One day, he curses a ship built for a warlord’s fleet. Unfortunately, he gets caught and sent to a prison camp. There he is forced to use finding magic to locate veins of cinnabar.

The prison exists to refine quicksilver, a substance the most powerful mage on the island believes will turn him into a god. While in the refinery, Medra feels a spiritual connection to a dying slave, a young woman named Anieb. The two of them devise a plan to kill the mage and escape. Medra’s journey eventually takes him to the island of Roke and the founding of its prestigious wizard school. 

‘The dead are dead. The great and mighty go their way unchecked. All the hope left in the world is in the people of no account.’ 

I really enjoyed this novella. The Dark Time is largely unexplored in the stories of Earthsea, so it was interesting to read about it here. I get the feeling that we’re approaching or in the middle of one such time in the real world, so seeing a version of it on the page is depressing yet hopeful. The story is dark; mass feudal warfare, a literal concentration camp in the opening half, widespread enslavement, and abuse of power. But it also offers hope and the promise of change. The story also explores the integral role of women in not only the preservation of magic in a bleak age of humanity, but the very foundation of Roke. 

Medra’s story spoke to me; how he resists the despotic powers-that-be, his connection with Anieb even after her tragic death, and how despite his disillusionment with humanity, he ultimately fights to create a better world. I also thought Gelluk was a horrifying villain. He’s characterized as a soft-spoken, almost kindly man who loves children and animals— yet his narrative thoughts involve burning hundreds of slaves alive in order to better fuel the quicksilver refinery. “Nice doesn’t mean good” taken to an extreme, and a mirror of many villains in the real world. 

Le Guin was anti-capitalist, but that way of thinking seems peripheral in the Earthsea series. The Finder, however, definitely has a Marxist reading in it. A recurring theme is the disenfranchised rising up against the powerful. Indeed both antagonists, who are despotic wizards of great power, are soundly defeated by groups of people they consider powerless. Magic is only considered relevant for the value and power it produces, an idea antithetical to the rest of the series. The quicksilver refinery also embraces anti-capitalist rhetoric; this section focuses on how mass enslavement and death is used to manufacture a meaningless commodity only one person “benefits” from. That’s not even getting into the prison-industrial complex. 

I dunno. This story slaps. It’s not at all what I expected from a Roke origin story.

#2 - Diamond and Darkrose (5/10)

Diamond, the son of a prosperous lumber merchant, struggles to find his true calling in life. His father disapproves of almost everything he does, including his close friendship with the local witch’s daughter Rose. While he loves music, his father derides his talents and forces him to abandon the pursuit. When Diamond shows some  promise in magic, he travels to a neighboring town to serve as the local wizard’s apprentice. But when this path estranges him from Rose, he grows disillusioned.

Rose had looked after herself from an early age; and this was one of the reasons Diamond loved her. With her, he knew what freedom was. Without her, he could attain it only when he was hearing and singing and playing music.

I did not like this story very much. I gave Diamond and Darkrose a 5/10 because it’s competently written (duh), and the protagonist has a character arc not entirely dependent on the central romance. But that’s about all I can say for it.

None of the characters are especially appealing. Diamond’s mentor figures are all extremely narrow-minded. Rose, supposedly his true love since childhood, drops him the moment things become difficult. And Diamond himself is a pushover who only grows a spine and pursues his dreams at the end of the story. I understand that’s his character flaw and his arc is about overcoming that. But due to all these factors, I was annoyed by every major character. The only person I didn’t dislike was Diamond’s mother, who only shows up for a couple of scenes.

Someone please tell me there are love stories out there where the romantic tension is NOT based on a fucking MISUNDERSTANDING. That shit drives me up a wall! It’s so overdone and painful to read.

#3 - The Bones of the Earth (8/10)

Dulse is an aging wizard on the island of Gont, reflecting on his life and relationship with his former apprentice, a young man he calls Silence. But he senses something amiss on the island; a massive earthquake poised to destroy a nearby port town and its inhabitants. To avert disaster, Dulse realizes he must turn to an ancient form of magic taught to him long ago— and he needs Silence’s help to save the town.

In there he knew he should hurry, that the bones of the earth ached to move, and that he must become them to guide them, but he could not hurry. There was on him the bewilderment of any transformation. He had in his day been fox, and bull, and dragonfly, and knew what it was to change being. But this was different, this slow enlargement. I am vastening, he thought.

So I’ve always liked Ogion in the main series; I love the idea of an immensely powerful wizard who lives an unassuming life of silence, contemplation, and appreciation of the natural world. In The Bones of the Earth, we get a glimpse of Ogion through his mentor’s eyes. Ogion’s heroism and how he stopped the earthquake is mentioned several times in the main series, but this is our first look at what actually happened.

Dulse is an unexpected and fascinating perspective character. It would be so easy to tell this story wholly from Ogion’s perspective, but I think making Dulse the protagonist was the right call. In particular, Dulse’s mind is starting to go. Le Guin presents this by utilizing flashbacks and connecting them to the present. This technique conveys Dulse’s disorientation and confusion so the reader experiences it alongside him... it’s hard to describe without actually reading the story. I also loved the little twist at the end regarding where Dulse learned the ancient magic that saves the island. There’s also a strong thematic connection to The Farthest Shore; death and becoming one with the rest of the world.

#4 - On The High Marsh (10/10)

A half-mad wanderer named Irioth comes upon a small settlement on the volcanic, marshy island of Semel. A murrain has been devastating the local cattle population, and Irioth offers his powers as a curer to heal the animals. He settles into a calm rural life with Gift, a widow working a small dairy. Though Gift likes Irioth, and the animals instinctively trust him, she senses something amiss with the man. Soon, Irioth’s dark past threatens to return and disturb the peace.

“Oh, yes,” Irioth said. “It was my fault.” But she forgave, and the grey cat was pressed up against his thigh, dreaming. The cat’s dreams came into his mind, in the low fields where he spoke with the animals, the dusky places. The cat leapt there, and then there was milk, and the deep soft thrilling. There was no fault, only the great innocence. No need for words. They would not find him here. He was not here to find. There was no need to speak any name. There was nobody but her, and the cat dreaming, and the fire flickering. He had come over the dead mountain on black roads, but here the streams ran slow among the pastures.

This story is a banger. It has a Western vibe— a stranger coming into a cattle town haunted by a mysterious past. Also cowboys. It’s an atmospheric story, and I think hits on the “small rural town” vibe better than Tehanu did. But there were several writing choices I especially liked.

We don’t learn Irioth’s name until a little while into the story; his physical description, temperament, and ability to immediately identify Gift’s true name just by looking at her makes one assume he’s Ged. He’s also got an interesting redemption arc, because it’s presented in a reverse order. We see Irioth’s genuine desire to do good, and his gentle and patient manner with animals and other people. He doesn’t even consider asking for payment for curing the murrain until Gift tells him he should. But there’s a sense that something is off; he’s paranoid, clearly running from something. The use-name he picks is Otak, a fictional ferret-like creature— which Gift asserts looks nice, but has sharp teeth.

Near the end, Ged actually does show up and explain what happened to Irioth. They have pretty similar backstories; both were powerful, arrogant young mages who messed with forces  they shouldn’t have, then went through great personal sacrifice to right the wrong (oh god the initial deception was intentional they’re narrative foils oh god). Ged embraced the darkest aspects of himself to avert calamity. Irioth came to Semel to escape Roke and atone by helping others. One detail I especially liked was that Irioth once considered healing beneath him, but now he takes a deep joy in using it to help. 

#5 - Dragonfly (8/10)

Irian lives a solitary life-- her father is a drunkard living in the ruins of their family’s once prosperous estate. Her closest relationship is with the local village witch, who named her in secret in the dead of night.  When a disgraced young wizard named Ivory comes to town, he sees Irian as a potential conquest. To gain power over her, he hatches a scheme; disguise Irian as a man, travel to Roke, and sneak her into the male-only wizard school— humiliating the great Masters.

But Irian is restless. She knows she has power, but her true nature is a mystery even to her. Irian sees Ivory’s plan as an opportunity to find answers from the most powerful wizards in the world. When the Doorkeeper actually lets her into the school, she finds herself in a magical and political conflict over the future of Roke— and discovers what exactly she is.

“Dark is bad,” said the Patterner. “Eh?”

Irian drew a deep breath and looked at him eye to eye as they sat there. “Only in dark the light,” she said.

This is one of those stories that has a rocky start, but a great second half. The first part of the novella felt dry to me; I’ve read plenty of tales about social outcasts with weird, unexplainable powers. On top of this, a chunk of the early narration is from Ivory’s POV, and he’s a complete tool. That can be a fun perspective to take, and I like the fact that he thinks he’s manipulating Irian when she’s the one pulling the strings. But since he’s an irrelevant character who disappears from the story halfway through, it feels like a waste to devote a huge chunk of the story to him.

However, once Irian arrives at Roke, the story gets much more interesting. Her presence at Roke causes a huge scandal that divides the Masters. Women being forbidden from Roke is a Series Thing at this point, but Earthsea is in an era of change (although I DO question that she’s the first woman to try it). The Finder demonstrated that women were pivotal in the foundation of Roke, something largely erased from history. Barring women stems from a power hungry bigot codifying it into tradition.

Irian finds some unexpected allies--minor characters in the previous books. The Doorkeeper continues to be the coolest motherfucker there. The Patterner is a major character in this story; he was in just one scene in The Farthest Shore, so I liked learning more about him. The Namer is the kind of guy you’d expect to be a stodgy traditionalist, so him siding with Irian is surprising. The Summoner, a heroic figure in previous books and stories, is a sinister villain here. As for the ending, well… if you didn’t see it coming, I’d wonder if you even read Tehanu. The same hints are there.

There were little particulars I liked, such as Irian moving into a decrepit hut that’s definitely Medra’s old home. My favorite detail is that this story has a parallel scene with The Finder. In The Finder, there’s a scene where an antagonist, Early, invades Roke in the form of a dragon. He lands on Roke Knoll, a site of power that reveals one’s true form. It turns him back into a human, leaving him defenseless when the residents of Roke attack him and repel his invasion. The reversal happens in Dragonfly. Irian gets attacked by one of the Masters while at Roke Knoll — and its magic turns her into her true form, a dragon. Props to whoever picked the cover design, since it references both scenes.

#6 - A Description of Earthsea

I’m not rating this since it’s basically a lore dump. It’s a deep dive into Earthsea’s history, languages, cultures, and other relevant world details. It’s the kind of bonus info a lot of fantasy series tack on as reference material.  According to Le Guin, she wrote this to get some idea of the timeline on each of these stories.

As a series, Earthsea has relatively little worldbuilding exposition. Sometimes characters reference legends or historical events, but usually the reader lacks the context to fully understand them. The focus is more on the lives of the characters and their personal experience of the world. I think something like A Description of Earthsea has benefits and drawbacks for the reader. On one hand it's nice to have some definitive information to tie things together. On the other, this does represent a loss of some of the mystery in the story.

I think this is the first thing in the series that even mentions homosexuality, so props for that I guess?

Closing Thoughts

A short story collection is always going to have high and low points. I tend to look at each story individually and score that way, but an average is always misleading. Diamond and Darkrose dragged the score down since there were only five stories total. But I enjoyed the majority of them. I am interested to see where the human/dragon subplot goes in the final installment; I assume Irian will show up at some point? We’ll see.

[thepermanentrainpress]

THE PERMANENT RAIN PRESS INTERVIEW WITH EDEN SUMMER GILMORE

The film scene in the Lower Mainland has never been brighter. Rising talent, including Burnaby’s own Eden Summer Gilmore, have begun to make a name for themselves, with a multitude of key roles over the past five years. Gilmore is currently starring as Sofia Bianchi in Global’s Family Law, a drama that follows “a group of flawed family members who reluctantly work together at their father’s law firm in downtown Vancouver.” Her on-screen mother is Jewel Staite, who as recovering alcoholic and lawyer Abigail, must find a way to balance (and repair!) her own career and family life. 

Growing up, who were some artists you looked up to? What specific films, series or characters did you watch and feel inspired by?

Growing up I was really inspired by artists such as Taylor Swift, Emma Watson, Amy Adams, Reese Witherspoon and Jennifer Aniston. They are all such strong women that really showed me at a young age I can do and be whatever I set my mind to. I was (and still am) obsessed with the Harry Potter series. I remember growing up and watching Hermione, Emma Watson’s character, and feeling inspired to be me. She never let what anyone said dictate her and always stood up for herself. I also loved the film, Enchanted with Amy Adams. I actually used to call it “princess in the hole” since Amy Adams' character comes up from a sewer grate. She also really inspired me to be myself and to see all her talents in this film was so much fun to watch and definitely inspiring. Enchanted brought together all my favourite elements of Disney Princesses, musicals, singing, dancing, fantasy, it was my favourite growing up and I can’t wait for the sequel.

As I got older and started watching the tv show Friends - Jennifer Aniston really showed me the power I have as a woman. Also, Gilmore Girls and the relationship with Lorelei and Rory was fascinating to watch. One of my favourite shows! And of course Reese Witherspoon, she is also a huge inspiration. She has portrayed such amazing strong women in her films that I find awe-inspiring. Her production company Hello Sunshine is also a huge inspiration to me and a platform for female led productions.

Were your family and friends supportive of your decision to pursue a career in the arts?

Yes, they were very supportive. My mom actually works in the industry behind the camera and she was the one who thought I might enjoy acting, which I very much did. My parents and my grandparents were the ones who always would drive me to my auditions or take me to set. I am very grateful to have my family's support. My friends are also very supportive. I am very lucky and grateful to have friends that I can share these milestones with.

A defining role in your young career was starring in It’s Christmas, Eve opposite LeAnn Rimes. What did you take away from working on that project, and with LeAnn?

That was such an amazing project to do. LeAnn is so incredibly kind, I loved getting to work with her. Since this was my first lead role and I was on set almost every day, what I really took away was observing the actions of others, cast and crew on set & behind the scenes. I learnt so much about professionalism, kindness, tone and how to set healthy boundaries for yourself. Kindness can go such a long way and a positive attitude can really change the tone of a set.

LeAnn taught me so much about spreading kindness and acting professional on a set. She really is such a role model and created such a positive energy on the set. Same with Tyler Hynes (who played Liam, my dad in the show) I learnt a lot from him too, he is so lovely.

You star as Sofia Bianchi in Global’s Family Law. What have you enjoyed about portraying Sofia so far, and do you have similarities with her?

I love playing Sofia, she is awesome. There are so many things I enjoy about portraying her. We are both teenagers so there is a lot I can relate to her with. She has made me feel not alone in some of the experiences we both have gone through. I am sure many teenagers watching the show will be able to relate to her as well, I am really grateful to be able to tell her story. She is very witty and smart so it’s really fun portraying that side of her too! Her short jabs to her mom are really fun to play with. She also has a really vulnerable side to her that we see more of throughout the series. It’s really fun exploring those deep emotions and opening her up throughout the series. We definitely have similarities. As mentioned we are both teenagers so I can relate a lot to the emotions she is feeling. We both are very caring people (though Sofia doesn’t show it as often) and we both aren’t afraid to stand up for ourselves or the people we love.

Tell me about your time on-set, and working with your on-screen family – Jewel Staite (Abigail), Luke Camilleri (Frank) and Brenden Sunderland (Nico)? What are a couple of your favourite memories?

I love my on-screen family, they are all so amazing! Working with them is so great and they are all kind and generous. I love sharing scenes with them. We talked a lot about food on set, favourite desserts or recipes. Jewel and Genelle [Williams] would often buy Honey Donuts whenever we were shooting in Deep Cove which is so incredibly nice of them. Honey’s Donuts were a favourite on set. Brendon was always telling us interesting facts or stories (much like Nico’s character), he’s really sweet. I learnt so much from Luke and Jewel about acting and the industry. I really enjoy our talks in the greenroom and on set. I am really grateful to be able to work alongside them, they are both incredibly lovely! Jewel and I also tend to have a lot in common fashion wise and interests in general.

What is it like working and interacting with legendary actors like Victor Garber and Lauren Holly?

Amazing! Victor and Lauren are both so incredibly kind. I was already huge fans of them before getting on the show so getting to work with them really is a dream come true. Lauren is so kind, funny, and so talented. I have learnt so much from her on set. Same with Victor, I have learnt so much from him too. They bring such a positive and warm energy to set. I am grateful to work with them. It’s still surreal to me that they are my tv grandparents.

A large part of Sofia’s storyline is her fractured relationship with her mother. Did you and Jewel talk about your characters ahead of time, and how their relationship will evolve during the course of Season 1?

Yes, definitely. We would sometimes rehearse lines or talk about the scene between takes. Or sometimes when getting a new script we would talk about Abby and Sofia’s relationship that episode. Lots of it just came on the day when we would film the scene. Playing off of each other or seeing what other layers we could bring in.

You handmade friendship bracelets as a Season 1 wrap gift, which is so sweet and creative! How’d you come up with the idea?

Yes! I already made bracelets in my free time, while watching a show or just as something to do. It was a little hobby of mine. I love having little mementos to remember events and thought the bracelets would be a great idea to remember season 1! Something we could all share and remember how special and fun filming season 1 was. I think they were a great hit with everyone.

Family Law is very much a family drama, but also has crime and comedy mixed in. For those who haven’t yet tuned in, how would you pitch the show to potential viewers?

I would pitch it as a dramedy that follows the story of Abigail Bianchi, a recovering alcoholic and lawyer slowly trying to put her life and family back together while also helping other families do the same. She’s forced to work with her estranged father and two half siblings she has never met while at the same time trying to patch things up with her husband and kids. The dysfunctional family at the law office is always helping other dysfunctional families and learning things along the way. Each character is so real and rooted with so much truth. Each person watching will be able to find themselves in the characters and the stories being told. You will laugh, you will cry, and learn that in the end we are all human.

Congratulations on the Season 2 renewal! You wrapped the second season in late August, while the first season has just premiered! Was it exciting to return to set, knowing you’d have an opportunity to further Sofia’s development?

Thank you so much! Yes, it was very exciting! I had gotten to know Sofia so much in season 1 that in season 2 I just got to dig so much deeper! I got to explore other sides of her and show the audience more of who Sofia is and her relationships.

You can also be seen as young Nancy Drew in the CW’s Nancy Drew. To play such an iconic character, what has that meant to you?

It meant a lot to me. I grew up reading the Nancy Drew books. Nancy Drew was another role model to me growing up, there was always a deep connection I had with her. So to be able to bring that to the screen means so much. I find myself so much in Nancy’s character and am really grateful to be able to be a part of her story. It also meant a lot to me because I know other young girls who look up to Nancy’s character and I hope they learn from her that they are powerful and can do whatever they set their mind to. I am really grateful that I was able to play Young Nancy Drew and it will forever hold such a special place in my heart.

You’ve also gotten to work with an older Nancy, lead actor Kennedy McMann. How special has it been to have her support and guidance?

Yes, she is amazing. It’s been so special to have her support and guidance. She is a large role model to me as well. She always looked out for me on set and I am really grateful for that. I learnt so much from her as well. She is a phenomenal actor so to work alongside her has been truly a blessing and she is so incredibly kind!

You’ve worked on numerous projects, including web series and independent short films (many being female-led). What do you enjoy about being a part of the vibrant B.C. film industry?

Yes! I love being a part of the B.C. film industry and working a lot on independent shorts because there is just so much joy, passion, and creativity. It’s amazing working with people who have a passion for storytelling, it’s therapeutic in a way and gives the storyteller an opportunity to tell their story their way. Working with such passionate people also allows my creative energy to flow and allows me to let so much go. I am also really grateful to have worked on so many female-led projects. Especially being young in the industry working with so many females has taught me about the power I have as a woman. But also it’s so important that female writers, directors, etc. are getting opportunities and their stories told.

How has it inspired you to pursue writing and directing in the future, and have you been able to shadow/ask questions on these projects?

It really inspired me. It showed me that I really can do whatever I set my mind to. It also showed me how much writing/directing our own stories can inspire so many other people. I was definitely able to ask questions on these projects and it’s inspiring to watch their passions come to life. 

The Directors/Writers/Storytellers on these independent projects, such as Andy Alvarez, Veronica Kurz, Meeshelle Neal, Leah Beaudry, Annette Reilly and Heather Perluzzo really taught me a lot and they welcomed my questions and curiosity. I honestly can’t wait to write and direct my own independent short in the very near future

Is there a dream role or character you would like to play in the future? If not character, are there any specific film/TV genres or franchises you would like to be in?

I would love to do a comedy or horror film. I really love those genres and haven’t explored them on screen as much. I would also love to do a period piece. The 70s or 80s would be awesome. I love exploring pop culture and trends of different time periods.

For other young actors like yourself, do you have any advice for how to be confident in front of the camera? What (or who) has helped you prepare for roles and work on your lines?

Totally. My main advice would be to have fun and trust yourself. Whenever we do anything our main goal should be joy. Of course preparing and such is important but joy should be our number one goal. Once we are working out of a place of fun, truth, and joy when we get to the camera we can trust ourselves and have that confidence. That also comes with working on mindset and mindfulness in our everyday lives. And also remember to be yourself! My acting coach and mentor Beatrice King really helped me prepare for roles. She taught me to make sure I am working from a place of joy and continues to inspire me. I also train year round by attending acting classes and private coaching, which I think is definitely an asset in growing your craft and confidence.

You also have a passion for music! How did this interest come about, and how long have you been singing and playing the guitar?

Singing really was always a part of my life but I formally started taking lessons about 4 years ago. I love singing, it’s such a beautiful form of expression. When I am having trouble expressing something through words I can turn to a song to help me release. I started playing the guitar during quarantine. I had played the ukulele for a few years and wanted to try something new and ended up loving it.

You performed “You and Me and Christmas” with LeAnn (Rimes) in your holiday film. You even joined LeAnn for a live performance that December! Tell us about that experience, what do you remember from that concert?

It was amazing. It was my first time singing live at a concert. The movie means so much to me so getting to share that experience with LeAnn on stage was wonderful. I remember being quite nervous, but LeAnn gave me some advice before going on stage. Singing live on the stage was truly magical, I will never forget the adrenaline and pure joy it was. I am really grateful to have that experience, especially with LeAnn.

As a poetry writer, are you writing your own music? If so, what can you share about your lyrics and what has inspired you?

I do love writing poetry, it’s such a beautiful form of expression. I have dabbled in songwriting but never have gone too deep into it. It’s definitely something I want to explore further.

We know Queen is your favourite band, but who are some other artists we can find on your playlist?

Yes! I love Queen, I grew up listening to a lot of 80s music so I think that’s one of the reasons I love Queen. I mean - Freddie Mercury is pretty awesome. On my playlist you will find artists such as Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo, Billie Eilish, Harry Styles and other 70s or 80s artists such as Abba, Billy Joel, Elton John, etc.

Your family has a wonderful pup, Finn, adopted from Fur Angels. What are some activities you enjoy doing with him? How would you encourage people to ‘adopt not shop’?

Finn loves swimming so often in the summer I love taking him to lakes to swim or in winter when it snows I love throwing snowballs for him. Like most dogs he loves belly rubs, walks or playing fetch. I always encourage people to look into adopting. There are lots of dogs who need forever homes and love. Lots of dogs in shelters who don’t get adopted sadly don’t end up making it. Finn is a rescue pup and I am really happy we were able to be his forever home.

What are some of your favourite places to visit or eat at in Vancouver?

Some favourite places to eat in Vancouver (which has been mostly take-out this past year and a half) are Agra Tandoori, Ragazzi Pizza, Neverland Tea Salon, Big Star Sandwich, or Casa Gelato! Highly recommend those places. I love to visit Lynn Valley for a nice hike. Downtown Vancouver is always fun. I also love Deep Cove and Granville Island.

Our signature question – if you could be any ice cream flavour, which would you be and why?

Love this question! If I could be any ice cream flavour it would be Raspberry Cheesecake. It’s one of my fav ice creams. It’s sweet with a tiny bit of tartness and combines the richness and softness of cream cheese, the sweetness of a raspberry, the nutty flavour and gritty texture of graham crackers to make a lovely combination that is both complicated, intriguing and delicious at the same time.

Thank you to Eden for taking the time to answer our questions about your projects and passions! Be sure to follow Eden on Twitter and Instagram for updates on her life and blossoming career! 

Family Law airs Fridays at 9 PM on Global TV. 

Photo credit (header and sixth image) to: Noah Asanias Special thanks to: M Public Relations

[officialthiamlibrary]

Hi, thank you for all the help before! I’m wondering that is there any fic about Alpha! Theo? Thx!

As promised, here is the second part of the alpha Theo request!

Woohoo by Shipper_Trash (Teen | Complete | 1.1K) Tags: Mpreg, alpha Theo, omega Liam, kid fic, married Thiam Summary: This is a future fic, in the same 'verse as this: Get Together!! A Peek Inside: “Uhhh,” he tries to think how to answer, because if he says yes, then they won’t ever be able to play pillow fights, and that is not something he can let happen. If he says no, he will have to explain and she is too young! This situation shouldn’t have arisen at least until she was well in her teens. Like, 19. Yes, 19 is a perfectly reasonable age to give her the talk.  

What’s Your Deepest Desire by ReignWrites (Explicit | WIP | 15K) Tag: Graphic depictions of violence, alpha Theo, panic attacks, angst and fluff and smut, memory alteration, kidnapped Theo Summary: A new and unknown Supernatural being is wrecking havoc in Beacon Hills when people have been disappearing one by one. The problem has been going on for weeks and worsens when Theo Raeken ends up missing. In a desperate attempt to save the innocent lives of Beacon Hills and put a stop to this monster, Liam Dunbar calls Scott McCall and Stiles Stilinski for help despite having departed a few months ago. The last thing Theo remembers is being ambushed by a man with glowing tattoos and blue eyes before being sucked into a fantasy universe. This world is Theo’s happy place and filled with his heart’s deepest desires. Liam’s in love with him, Theo has a comfortable bed to sleep on, he’s a real werewolf, and the alpha of his own pack. A part of him knows this reality is fake, but the way Liam kisses him and looks at him with so much love in his eyes makes Theo stay. He’s finally happy, and he’s forgetting everything about his past life. Will Liam, Scott, and the rest of the puppy pack be able to save Theo, or will they lose him forever to this fake reality? A Peek Inside: Oh, how Theo wishes he’s here for a night shift. He would’ve come into this clinic with a dazzling smile on his face, but he’s only filled with dread. “I was out driving,” he starts and frowns, suddenly becoming uncomfortable. No one knows about his homeless situation, and the fact he was about to sleep near the monster sends a shudder through his body. “And I saw this man dragging a woman’s body in a barn. I went to go check it out, but I saw him—” he cuts himself off.

A tale written with fangs and claws by Former_Princess (Teen | WIP | 488K) Tags: Smut, mates, friends to lovers, alpha Theo, slow build, bisexual Liam Summary: This is a story of a spark getting ignited when nobody thought it would happen. A story about friendship, trust and yes, also about love. About finding your place in the world and figuring out who you really are. This is the story of how Liam Dunbar became an Alpha and got a mate and a whole pack to call his own. This is the story of the Morning Dew Pack. A Peek Inside: Now Liam opened his beer too and raised it. “To Seattle and our new life.”

The way you move by brightsummernights (Teen | WIP | 31K) Tags: Tags vary depending on which oneshot you read (please read them carefully) Summary: My collection of unconnected Thiam one shots. A Peek Inside: He is screwed.

An Empty Barstool by Endraking (Mature | WIP | 29K) Tags: after college, angst, alpha chimera Theo Summary: Scott heads back to Beacon Hills after college to establish his adult life. He has to make a decision with regards to Theo, who has handled protecting Beacon Hills since the pack left for college. This ultimately leads to Theo, and his pack, on the run from an ambitious pack and hunters leaving Scott's pack to deal with the new threats to Beacon Hills. A Peek Inside: Scott shook his head before he glanced over to the chimera.  Theo’s face was still bruised and swollen with a nasty cut that lined the right side of his face, with a few drops of blood collected on the bar.  The chimera wore a beaten smile, a genuine one the alpha took note of, as he picked up his beer and took drink.  Scott nervously grinned as he asked, “Shouldn’t you get that checked out?  I thought you’d heal by now.”

Delirium by hollyster (Explicit | Complete | 5K) Tags: A/B/O dynamics, smut, mates, mating bites, public humiliation, knotting Summary: AU/ In which Theo is the Alpha of the Puppy Pack and Liam his Mate who forgets to take his pills to avoid a surprise heat and, goes into heat while eating a burger at the local grill. (Scott is a true Alpha, Liam's his beta but Theo's mate and omega in his pack) (Theo didn't kill anyone, Scott gave him a bit of his power, he's just a good pal with his own pack) A Peek Inside: "I'm in the car, baby. Everything's gonna be fine, I'm there in ten."

Power by liamschimera (Explicit | Complete | 981) Tags: Major character death, dark Theo, dark Liam, murder, ritualistic sacrifice, resurrection, heavy angst, alpha Theo Summary: “No, you look at me.” Theo snarled, sitting up as best he could as tears fell down his face now. “You watch me bleed out, you watch me die. You spineless fucking coward.” A Peek Inside: The Alpha with his stolen eyes, his stolen pack. He doesn’t know how he fell this far, he doesn’t know how it came to this. All he knows is how it started.

The Boyfriend Experience by ExtraSteps (Explicit | Complete | 52K) Tags: Smut, kidnapping, Liam is an escort Summary: Theo is a self-made alpha werewolf. By day he builds up his business, Raeken Industries and by night he runs the hottest club in LA, Sinema. Alongside his pack, Tracy, Josh, Corey and Hayden, he helps to protect LA. Escorting is so commonplace in this town that Theo doesn’t even blink twice when Derek Hale, another alpha, introduces him to Liam Wolf at Sinema one night. What does surprise him, however, is his immediate and intense attraction to the other man and the realisation that Liam is his mate. Liam's only been a werewolf for four years, having been taken in by Scott and the rest of his pack, but he's been fitting in just fine. Working as an escort under Scott is certainly no hardship, and with his blue eyes and cheeky smile, he's never had to try all that hard to pull new clients. Liam is out with Derek when he introduces him to Theo. He's definitely attracted to the young alpha; Theo's hot and rich, what's not to like? But the name Theo Raeken always seems to be followed by whispers of some unspeakable event, of a past marred in ambiguity. What happened five years ago and why does it still have such a profound effect on the LA packs? A Peek Inside: His gaze was drawn up, to where a balcony hovered over the dance floor. It was hard to see past the lights, but he was pretty sure there was a dark figure shadowed behind them. As Liam squinted up there, he was left with the distinct impression that the man was looking at him as well. He didn’t know why. It was just a feeling shivering down his spine.

those who wait by LovelyLittleGrim (Explicit | Complete | 6.7K) Tags; Dark, manipulation, claiming, biting, smut, alpha Theo Summary: Theo finally gets what he's always wanted. A Peek Inside: Theo breathes in, Liam’s scent surrounds him. The smell of arousal and need fade, turn into something bitter with worry. He closes his eyes and waits, lets his heartbeat settle into something neutral and thinks carefully about everything he had thought out two days prior. All the words in all the right order, in all the right places. All the looks; downcast eyes, trembling fingers—everything that would build the perfect lie.

Sculpture In Briefs by saawinchester (Explicit | Complete | 20K) Tags: Alpha Theo, enemies to lovers, smut, underage Summary: Liam’s parents left him the house and very little cash before they scurried away to go live their life of adventure. Forced to be independent too soon, Liam had to look for a means to pay the bills, keep himself in school and put food on his table. That leads to him displaying his body for people to drool or ogle at while he swerves to the music and for the right price- get to touch. Of course none of his schoolmates and pack members know about his late night activities. Enter the ever inquisitive Theo Raeken who comes into the picture with his flirty smirk, stupid perfect hair and hypnotic hazel eyes. Liam never hesitated to show his dislike for the other werewolf. Not even when Theo Raeken gets to discover his night job and….. pays for a lap dance? A Peek Inside: Theo’s eyes flickered up to the exotic dancer seeing sweat shine along his body as he swayed sexily to the current beat. Now that he was close, an inkling of familiarity was starting to simmer within him. Like he had seen those muscles flex before and that……scent…..apricot….No. His eyes dropped down to the right side of the gorgeous dancers hip and there it was… .just peaking out of seams of the underwear was a little red heart tattoo. He gasped as the dancer swerved to face him, oblivious to his presence….Liam Dunbar.

[satoshi-mochida]

Falcom has released new information and screenshots for The Legend of Heroes: Kuro no Kiseki introducing new characters Risette Twinnings and Quatre Salison, as well as the cities of Langport and Basel, the companies Marduk Total Security Company and Verne Industrial Company, and the Xipha system.

Get the details below.

■ Characters

Risette Twinings

Age: 20

Weapon: Pistol and Bladegear

“To serve my client is my duty and pride.”

A woman dressed in a maid outfit who works as a service concierge at Marduk Total Security Company.

While her pale green hair gives off a cold impression, she is actually very social and polite, and has a cute sense of humor.

Unlike her graceful appearance, she has superhuman strength, speed, and combat capabilities that at times surpass even seasoned bracers.

She maintains a “strictly business” relationship with Van, a Spriggan, by giving him weapons and exclusive Xipha apps free of charge, and in turn collects data from his usage as an external tester.

Quatre Salision

Age: 15

Weapon: Pulsegun and Orbal Drones

“Lets go FIO, XEROS—we have to protect the professor’s location.”

A young researcher attending a masters course at a science university at the age of 15.

His neatly trimmed silver hair and feminine face emit an atmosphere that makes him to approach.

His major is researching and developing “Orbal Drones” that use the new Xipha standard artificial intelligence, but he also helps out in the physical and bio engineering labs, and has a strong attachment to the observatory, which is the symbol of the university.

Due to certain circumstance as a child, he was adopted by Dr. Latoya Hamilton, “the mother of Orbal Revolution,” and as since cared for like his own grandmother and aspires to become a researcher himself.

■ Locations and Keywords

Langport, the Shining Capital

A massive port city facing the south sea, also called Naju, located in South Calvard.

Langport’s scale is larger than Crossbell, the city of trade, and Ordice, the ocean capital, and in recent years has been often referred to as being “the second heart of the Republic” that symbolizes diversity.

Other than its business and shopping districts that house modern skyscrapers, it also has the largest Easterner Quarter in the continent, and is known as the “Shining Capital” due to its beautiful, glimmering night skyline.

Basel, the Industrial City

A city southwest of Calvard focused on industry and academics.

Basel has long been known for its history in natural scientific research, and is home to Basel Science University, which boasts its own observatory. In the Middle Ages, there was a craftsmen’s guild that helped forge machinery and equipment for architecture, irrigation, industry, and academics.

After the Orbal Revolution, the craftsmen’s guild and university joined forces to form the Verne Industrial Company.

A joint city planning project is in place to make the city a high-tech industrial academic city, such as connecting districts on different levels with a ropeway, while maintaining its beautiful landscape.

Marduk Total Security Company

A total securities company headquartered in Ored, as well as a PMC (private military company).

Founded around 10 years ago, the company initially offered security services all around the continent, but in recent years has expanded its services.

It has also advanced into the field of military operations.

However, unlike jaegers, it often offers plans that just barely manages not violate the laws of its operating country, thus many large companies that do not want to takrisks of their own hire them for high prices.

Verne Industrial Company

A large technology manufacturer which headquartered in the engineering city Basel.

It is often compared to the Empire’s Reinford Group, but due to its industry-academic nature, its footwork is relatively low and it takes a multilateral and polished development approach through an academic lens.

During the Orbal Revolution 50 years ago, Latoya Hamilton, one of the three pupils of Professor Epstein—the inventor of Orbal Gear—brought back the technology and became the advisor of the company.

After succeeding in developing the first orbal car in the continent, Verne Industrial Company invested its research in developing advanced technologies such as orbal photos and orbal video to record footage from astronomical telescopes.

It was also a catalyst for the creation of other cultures unique to the Republic such as “Orbal Cinema,” which combines video technology and popular culture.

Xipha

The new sixth generation tactical orbment, Xipha, deploys pieces of ether known as “Shards” around its user and enables them to manipulate them to activate various functions.

The Xipha also has several new features that enhance the players abilities, including “Hollow Cores,” which change the overall performance of the Xipha; “Arts Drivers,” which install various orbal magic; and “Shard Skills,” which activate according to the amount of quartz.

■ Xipha

Hollow Cores: The AI-Equipped Core Quartz of the Xipha

The Hollow Cores mounted in the center of the Xipha have three vital roles that significantly affect its overall performance:

Basic Arts Attack Power – Basic stats that boost the power of your arts attacks.

Base EP – Basic stats that increase the maximum EP required to cast arts.

S Boost Properties – Special effects that can be activated during battle.

Your Hollow Core level increases through battle. Your Basic Arts Attack Power, Base EP, and S Boost Properties will grow along with it.

Voice Assist: Make Battles Even Smoother

The artificial intelligence-equipped Hollow Core is loaded with a navigator that supports Xipha users with voice-based guidance in various situations, such as in battle, on the field, and during quests.

In addition to the voice and speech style adjusting according to the type of Hollow Core, the Hollow Core shows a more human response to the user.

—Hollow Core Settings Screen

—Hollow Cores may also even join in on the conversation…

Arts Driver: Equipped with Multiple Arts

Several arts (orbal magic) are installed on the Arts Driver, which you can use by mounting it to your Xipha. Since the arts available to you depend on the level of your Hollow Core, the higher your Hollow Core level, the more powerful arts you can wield.

Arts Driver: Custom Slots

Separate from the pre-installed arts sets, the Arts Driver also has custom slots. By setting arts into these slots, you can make up for a lack of recovery or support arts, or install more powerful attack arts.

—Arts Driver Settings Screen

—Add arts to custom slots!

Shard Skills: Special Effects Activated by the Line’s Elemental Powers

Hollow Cores have four “lines” that you can slot quartz to: weapon, shield, drive, and EXTRA. Depending on the elemental powers of the quartz slotted to these lines, shards will deploy that activate various special effects in battle.

Weapon Line – The line connected to attack functions such as additional elemental damage or effects.

Shield Line – The line connected to defense functions such as damage reduction, elemental resistance effects, and counterattacks.

Drive Line – The line connected to arts strengthening functions such as increased casting speed and increased elemental power.

EXTRA Line – The line connected to unique functions that do not fall in the categories of Weapon, Shield, or Drive.

Advanced Shard Skills

The types and threshold of elemental power required to activate Shard Skills are determined by their performance. By setting your Xipha while keeping in mind the elemental power of each quartz you set, you can activate more advanced Shard Skills in battle.

—Shard Skills Settings Screen

–Elemental power changes according to the quartz setting.

The Legend of Heroes: Kuro no Kiseki is due out in 2021 in Japan for unannounced platform(s). Read more about the game here and here.

View the screenshots at the gallery.

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golden age of youth

title: golden age of youth pairing: lee hoseok/reader genre: racer!au/rivals to lovers!au summary: everyone can recognize the racer with the big smile and sparkling eyes—the hero of formula one, lee hoseok. in the lineal passage of time, another racer appears with adrenaline pumping through her veins and a sharp mouth to put everyone in their places. talent exudes from the two, as well as attraction, but to love there must be something more than an adrenaline rush. type: angst/fluff/romance/humor/suggestive word count: 21,586 disclaimer: this is part of my august special called ‘the anti-love club’. each story can be read individually, however, you’d be getting a little bit more of backstory along with some easter eggs if you read each of them, as well as helping me with support. the masterlist can be found here.

People start coming to life when they are in a state of danger, running, with beads of sweat pooling at the skin of their nape and on their forehead, when their clothes feel too heavy on their bodies and the saliva on their mouths accumulate, excessive as they ask for more, for safety primarily. This is a game that she knows how to play—for she is the one that brings herself to dangerous races. If she knows something, it is stepping on a pedal with all the force she has on her body, controlling the wheel of racing cars and common cars alike, feeling the wind on her face when she need adrenaline the most. It just so happens that when she is there, shaking on top of a seat, smiling behind a helmet, is when she is at the most control of her life. 

She has never liked the color beige—it’s dull, it means an ‘in-between’, it’s the color an older couple wear before going to sleep on the same bed, the color of coffee early in the morning, an awakening of sorts that she has never brought herself to enjoy. It’s the reason why she liked the color of her lips to be burgundy, just like the blood on her veins and arteries, matching her clothing and contrasting with her black or white cars, always polished, needily repaired by her own hands. She needs to race, she had said when she was merely nineteen, going against any odds of going to college, of living a normal and comfortable life. A sport, she claims it is, but it is more than that…

It’s a way of living. An irresponsible, entertaining, worrisome and somewhat addictive way of living, existing, breathing, enjoying.

Fast had not been the perfect way to describe her rise to the Formula One infamous racing, much less was it smooth. To her odds, she had the fact that she was a woman—not the daughter of some racer, not a spoiled brat with parents rich enough to insert her into the list of racers, but just another lover of cars that prided too much on the leather of the seats of her old car and spent too much time with a machine to ever be able to describe it in minutes. Had it not been for the woman by her side, someone who completely understood the struggles of being part of something that is usually (and mistakenly) connected to men, she would have not been there. 

Meeting Heejung was easy. With her body mostly hidden by the overalls of her mechanic shop and her love for changing cars into something different from their beginnings, it was bound for them to happen to meet. Heejung needed more clients, desired for someone to sport her brand one day...and she happened to crash her old Corolla in one of the many times she had gone out illegaly to race. Heejung did not utter a word, bleached hair seeking for life in that bun that she usually wore it in, the strands normally coated in oil, face filled with all the emotions in the world. At the time, Heejung had been almost a guardian angel—she took care of her when she was just beginning, getting noticed by more racers that had brought her to legal events instead, and whenever the adrenaline of rushing through life went too crazy on her head, she soothed out every bit of her ‘ride or die’ attitude.

No, she had not been a guardian angel for her. Heejung is her guardian angel, even now when she has finally reached a good spot in her career, enough to be able to be considered half a name in this industry. This is just the preparations of the main event, of the big Formula One race that everyone has been hyping up since last year, an introductory point for all the racers and a joy for brands that wanted to be sported by the figured of teenagers and adults alike. Her chest swelled with a feeling that made her feel full, taking in the air of pure contamination, smoke, nodding her head along to the sound of some rap song that is definitely looking to be the new sound of the summer. She felt like she belonged in there, with racers equal to her wearing uniforms with brand-names, though hers barely had any, showcasing the first smile of the night because who the fuck cares that she just got there in a Corolla, while everyone else had arrived  in their sport cars?

Heejung releases a laugh behind her, quite girly for the way one would expect her to be, and she gripped the sides of her uniform to bring her closer to her front. Her back collided against Heejung’s chest, earning a soft huff from her. “Look at all these people. I can’t believe you actually made it to the point you can compete with our heroes.”

She lifts her nose at that, almost like a Queen would, looking ahead of her at the majority of the men there, some even women, all equally looking for the price of pride, money and most importantly, recognition. Fame was also needed in the world of adrenaline. “They are not our heroes anymore, Heejung. We have gone through this.” This kind of friendship comes from four years of being around each other. Indeed, a worker of Heejung’s mechanic shop is now a racer, the word of their small street and the reason why there are some posts about her shared in social media. A nobody, that is what she is, and yet, she feels like seeking for more. “They are our enemies now. We are looking for the grand prize—no, we are getting it.”

“Not with that attitude.” Heejung puckers up her mouth, pulling away from her friend and crossing her arms over her chest. “You need to be appealing to the public. Girly, flirty. You want to have a fan-base of horny men looking to spend their money on you. That’s how we rise on this business.”

The flickering lights of the paparazzi taking pictures of the people ahead of her, crowds and crowds piling up, had her moving forward in order to find someone who could recognize her. After all, she wants some appearances, even an interview, something that could get her name out there and make her savor the dream that she has fought so hard for. “I don’t do that kind of shit,” She mumbles, placing her hands inside her pockets as she walks. “I want to be respected, not lusted at.”

“Who said you can’t have both?” Heejung prompts, pushing her finger up in the air albeit with an idea. “Don’t think I’m telling you that you don’t have any talent. Quite the contrary. You’ll kick the ass of most people here, but if you have something to your advantage...why not take it?”

“Because you have said so yourself,” She points out, turning her head to the side to look at her friend. She scrunches up her nose, lowering her voice to match Heejung’s tone. “You attract the wrong kind of men. You don’t need a man to fuck you for one night. You need a man to fuck you with a ring on your finger that promises a forever. Some shit like that.”

“I said that once,” Heejung retorts, placing one hand over her heart. “And I did not mean for it to be so vulgar, but since that’s the only way you understand...”

“Heejung, I don’t need the attention of the male population to rise.” She argues, though this is just one of their conversations. One of those profound ones they used to have when they were having their morning coffee and Heejung would sigh in delight about her relationship with a fellow worker, Leo. Too in love, enough to make anyone puke, it was no wonder they had waited ten years in a relationship in order to get married. Quite cute if she was honest, just not her style. “Right now, if I happen to end up getting a guy, it’s because I want us to enjoy our time now. I don’t need a future.”

“What will you do once you’re old and wrinkly and alone?” Heejung questions, pushing through a group of people until they saw the booth of the magazine they were looking for. The biggest, yet most honest, magazine in the sports industry at the moment, of high interest for sponsors and for those who looked for respect as racers. 

Her eyes almost seemed to be filled with stars and if she looked at herself, she swears she’d see a glint in them. Lips are pulled into a smirk, because she has rehearsed a big chunk of her life for this. She knows how to tuck her hair to the side and speak with authority, like she owns the place, as if her foot is heavy enough to run over the world itself. “I’ll get a Volkswagen and drive me the hell around town. That’s what I’m going to do. Enjoy my life.”

“You know what? Fair enough.” Heejung huffs, fixing her bun once again and leaving a few strands out, making her angled face look much softer with her thick lips pushed upwards. “I’ll stop having the friend talk and now I’m going to be your manager. I have various roles in your life.”

“I can already feel the rant—”

“Not only I am your manager and your friend, I’m also your mechanic. Your mom. Your nurse. Your sibling. Your brasswork assitant. I do everything for you. Publicist, too.” She huffs out before turning to look at her racer friend, taking her by the shoulders and releasing some pressure on the tense muscles. “There is a guy there, right, but we need to approach him as quickly as possible. He’s a journalist, the newest one—”

She quirks an eyebrow at that, trying to tease her friend. “How would you know that?”

“Leo knows him, remember? He went to college. I thought you knew he’s a journalist, either way—” Heejung closes her eyes tightly, as if scolding herself for talking too much before opening them once again. “His name is Matt. Well, Matt for short. He interviews just about anyone because he’s younger, much less important, and he releases some good articles online, including Instagram links. So we’re looking for him, I think he’s free right now.” Lacing her arms with Heejung’s, she feels her weight being dragged to get her to walk quicker. Heejung must be exercising more than her...or maybe she should just actually go for a walk instead of driving everywhere. “He’s the one seated there,” Heejung whispers once inside the publicity tent, pointing with her chin at one of the seats near the stage, the one that the most well-known racers used. 

Actually, Matt is quite the unexpected sight. She expects some man with baggy pants and a Ferrari t-shirt, but instead she is welcomed by a lanky, tall man with glasses. Not weak looking at all, his brown gaze behind his glasses and his dull chocolate-hair just created contrast to him, wearing a sweater even when the amount of people there were enough to create body-heat for a million people. His camera hung around his neck and he seemed to be taking a breather, if his looking around is anything to go by, a notepad resting on his lap experly.

And yes, those are khakis. She definitely can see them now. She shouldn’t be afraid of someone like him, yet something about him exuded professionalism. Maybe, Heejung is right. Maybe, she should have tried to be a better actress instead of binging videos of the racers she looks up to, because a flutter of her eyelids and a much cleaner mouth could work to her favor here. Damn it for having the mouth of an angry ninety-year-old woman and for using too many profanities in her speech, because Heejung is suddenly walking her towards the man and she is starting to feel a tad bit nervous.

Which is strange, for someone who never gets nervous about anything—dates, due-dates and even racing through the smallest of streets in the highest of speeds—, she surely feels like her food must return from its trip at any given minute and end up on this man’s khakis.

“Hi, are you Matt?” Heejung asks softly, extending her hand for the man to take and he lifts his gaze from his notepad, finally seeing a bit of his smile on his delicate features.

“Yes. May I know who you are? I wasn’t actually waiting for anyone—” Matt speaks, voice filled with the seriousness that she had expected, that monotone voice that reminded her that this was a serious situation. What she said or didn’t could be recorded and used against her at any given moment.

“I’m Leo’s wife! He told me he had spoken to you so you could interview my client.” Heejung speaks with a smile on her face, wrapping her arm around her shoulder and shaking her slightly, like a mother who is proudly showing off that her daughter can race...and shouldn’t be proud of it. “She’s in the line-up for the race and pretty new, so a head start would work in our favor so much.”

Matt stands up at that, grasping the camera in between his fingers as recognition filled his face. “Ah yes, Leo,” Heejung seems to be delighted at the sound of her man’s name. Huh, so maybe love does work for some people and she just happens to be one of those who it had not worked for. “I remember him quite fondly. We used to hang out a lot in the printing room...since he worked there, you know, he’d sneak in some papers and wouldn’t ask me for more money.” 

Well, that sounds exactly like the Leo who could spend his entire night in the shop if it meant pleasing every client, even if the car has no chance of being brought to life. “That’s delightful.”

Matt looks at her, at her silent, statue-like stance and she wonders why she hasn’t spoken, hasn’t used that confidence of hers to introduce herself, so she does. Or tries to, her hands are a bit clammy—though, if asked, she’d blame it on the weather—and her voice shakes when she says her name out loud. “I’m a huge fan of your magazine...and your work is amazing, too. Only have gotten a few glimpses, though, but I’m fucking glad I did.” Heejung nudges her side and had she looked at her, she knew she would widen her eyes because obscenities in a sentence aren’t pretty and because she hasn’t actually read anything from him.

Or if she has...she doesn’t know.

Oh God, what if he asks what her favorite article of his is?

Though, Matt’s smile reaches his eyes, taking his pen out of the pocket of his dark blue sweater, clicking it and writing her name down on the small notebook. “Haven’t gotten that in a while. As a writer in a magazine, you barely get any recognition.”

“It happens.” She whispers, lifting her head when Matt looks at her and giving him a tight smile. Tight and fake smile, because she is far too casual for these types of things. She can’t come up with a story, taken out of her ass, about how her racing abilities came from some bonding experience when she was a child or because she had to find a way to escape from her reality. The truth is...she did it because she felt like it, because her desire to be on edge surpassed any rational thought. She had taken a car, pressed on the pedal too hard and liked it. Then, her own thrive was what led her to be there.

“So—”

“Matt!” The boisterous voice of a man, albeit shorter than Matt himself and visibly older, more pompous, had interrupted the guy’s speech before he could start interviewing her and his posture straightened when the loud man came over to hug him, gripping him for a few minutes and lifting him up his feet just in time to hear more masculine, definitely smoother laughter. The source of the voice catches her attention, making her look just to catch a glimpse of exactly who should have not been there at that time. “Wonho is here for the interview. What are you doing there losing time?! My guy finished an interview early to give you your article.”

“O-Oh—” Matt utters, unhooking himself from the hug and sending an apologetic glance at the two women in front of him. “Better not make him wait, then.”

Wonho greets him with a handshake, looking at her from the corner of his eyes and sending a charming smile her way, along with Heejung’s. This is the dream client for someone like Heejung, definitely a people pleaser. “No, don’t worry. Do your thing, I’ll wait.”

Matt shakes his head, perhaps tranced from the thick muscles and the soft scent that belonged to Wonho, but she doesn’t forget the way he easily dismisses her existence and Heejung’s with a quick: “They can wait! Let’s just start your interview.”

The rockstar of cars, the biggest, the loveliest Formula One racer, the same one that had every racer shaking on their feet, winner of last year, owned by magazines and brands. Oh, she knows his name—even past his artistic one, he calls himself Wonho when on his zone, on his own stage, but when he is out of racing, he is Lee Hoseok. With ashy black hair that often hides under his helmet, once off falling down his smooth forehead, giving life to his dark and understanding eyes, smile worth a trillion more than hers will ever. The muscles are definitely a plus, surely, enough to catch her gaze when he turns around and moves along Matt and his manager. 

Nice ass, she thinks, still belonging to the enemy, so that deems it not worthy of her interest.

Someone like him doesn’t have to wait, not when he makes everyone swoon with the red color of the tip of his big ears whenever he is feeling a bit shy. Not when his voice is charming, dragging on certain syllables, using the ‘s’ at his favor to make it sound more profound. Charming, that he is, exactly what she lacks and maybe, that is what this Formula One race is looking for.

They want someone to stand in the cover of magazines holding their brand. They want someone who appeals to a bigger audience.

Or wanted, now they’ll want her talent. No matter how against the rules she is in the world of publicism.

“You know what, I don’t need to wait. Much less do I need to be disrespected like this.” She mumbles, tightening the zipper of her uniform and bringing it up to her neck, licking the inside of her cheek as she moves towards the set of cars, the real racing cars, where in about twenty minutes they’ll make some demonstration for people to feel more hyped for the main event. In a week, and yet making her feel high on adrenaline.

Heejung is following behind her, sneakers dragging against the concrete and pushing through the groups of people. “W-Wait. No, we’ll have to wait. Yes or yes.”

“I’ll teach Matt that I’m better than that Wonho guy.” She releases into the air, turning around just in time to catch Heejung in her arms when their chests collided together.

“Don’t—Don’t be making enemies already!”

“He’s not my enemy, per se, I’ll change the term.” She says. “He’s my rival. I accept he’s a fine piece of ass and that he’s an excellent racer but—” She cuts herself off, catching her helmet as Leo throws it her way, also one of her team. “I either win or I win. There’s no in-between.”

At first, the sentiment is too fast for her to catch it. Twenty minutes later, she is seated inside her small racing car, waiting for that one signal that starts it all. A noise and then, she simply steps on the pedal, wishing for everyone ahead of her to simply leave her alone. It starts at her feet, as if electricity is brought from any shake of the device, going up her calves and her legs, releasing all sort of tension from them and bringing a sense of purpose to her gut. She finally feels like she is complete, a smile behind her mask when she turns on a corner, when she hears the engine roar to life, as animalistic as it can get. She can’t think, she doesn’t have enough time to, looking at the quickened faces that she can’t make out, but mostly at the road ahead of her. Gray, a color that she loves, very welcomed behind her fiery eyes, feisty when she stops hearing the noise of other cars from up close. That must mean she is first or has finished as last.

Someone is by her side, then appearing in front of her in his own racing car. Black uniform, broad shoulders and those bunch of sponsor names written on the fabric, enough to have his life secured in his rich lifestyle. She knows who this man is, the one trying to pass by her, the same one that makes it insufferable to look to her right when all the cameras are flashing to take a picture of him. The God of racing, Lee Hoseok.

Wonho.

She needs to beat him.

She steps harder on the pedal, as if she could, feeling the sole of her feet shoot an ache up her calf, moving her steering wheel until she is by his side. She plays around a bit with the pedal, wanting the car to be nosy as it passes by him again, this time around not caring so much about the beauty of her turns but simply wanting to get to the end line. She does, apparently, but not in enough time to beat Hoseok’s car, who simply passes by her in a millisecond, as if he had caught up on her technique.

He probably did, he is definitely not stupid. He uses that smile of his, sweet and deliciously charming, to his favor.

Anger has her throwing her helmet on the floor once she gets out of the car. A tantrum, yes, but hidden by the way she places her hands on her hips and breathes in deeply. Anyone that looked at her, at the fucking second place that she is right now, would think she is just tired and for the sake of Heejung not giving her an earful, she better act like she is, but when she looks at Hoseok, he is already looking at her. Chuckling slightly, his shoulders shake when he lifts his hand up to greet his crowd. People cheer for him, watch as he nears her and extends his hand for her to take. Over the noise, she can make out the sound of his dulcet voice when he says:

“I don’t know what I was expecting from you, but you’re way better than anyone could have ever imagined. Good job.” Oh, of course he had to be nice. He just had to. Something about him had to be topped by his outgoing personality, like he’ll always make you feel like you belong, smooth with the way he speaks. For a moment, she feels like falling for it, and she half does, but the bigger part of herself is the one that makes her hand go forward, grasp him with such force that even a gym-rat like him stumbles forward, bumping her shoulder with his to make a statement when she speaks, loud and clear, enough to reach the ears of whoever is around them. Press or not.

“Just wait until I win over you on the night of the race. I’ll do a better job then.” Hoseok’s eyebrows lift at that, holding his helmet to his side, pressed to his waist when he sees a smile appear on her face. The contact of his hand had been so soft, almost tender in comparison of her rough hands from so much working, but she couldn’t think twice about his charms.

Only that she did. Something about winning against him was...thrilling. No one could stop her if she got the Lee Hoseok, the one and only, to give her a second glance. His smile doesn’t falter, instead he continues the conversation.

“I can’t wait.” Hoseok announces, biting his bottom lip and looking to the sides, chuckling a bit to himself.

“Don’t laugh so much. You’ll be begging me to hang out with you once that night is over.” She can hear the shouts of Heejung inside her brain, like she is telling her that this is going to be bad press but who is she kidding? This is what she wants...and possibly, what those gossip-thirsty people want.

“Huh, even if you don’t win, I might.” Those words she did not expect, almost making her smile falter but it only presses harder, the light behind her eyes changing as if they were alone in that people-packed world. His eyes connect with her, the depths of them showing a saint but reading a hidden...sin, almost like he is an angel with dark wings. 

Maybe he is, but she’ll make sure to figure it out.

“Got you interested?”

He shrugs. “Maybe.” He answers, before putting his helmet on again. “Next time around, though, just some advice.” His sweetened tone held a smile, she could feel it, much more when he takes her hand again and lets his thumb rub the back of it, more delicate than she could ever be. Perhaps, they are actually polar opposites, connected by the idea of proving which one is better. They want to rule over the other, acting upon attraction, tethering into playful banter. “Don’t throw a tantrum. It’s a cute look, not a good one.”

And with that, he leaves. His manager is talking to him as he speaks, once again pleasing the paparazzi that are asking for him, asking for more and more of Lee Hoseok and she stands there, ignored, no one compared to the master of racing. When she turns, however, Heejung is already making grabby-hands at her neck, fingers curling against each other and showing what seems to be frustration.

Uh-oh.

...Maybe flirting in front of hundreds of people was actually not a good idea.

But when has she ever had one of those?

🚗

With her back pressed to the mechanic’s creeper, knees bent and one of her hands holding a flashlight up to the bottom of the car whilst the other is working diligently, she realizes that she never really follows the rules. If ever. While everyone in the mechanic shop is wearing their overalls perfectly, zipped up, coated in oil and black tints plastered all over the fabric, she has the long sleeves of her overalls wrapped around her waist, her white tank top silently asking for mercy thanks to all the dirt that has now accumulated over her chest. Not that she can bring herself to care, much less when she is on her fourth cup of coffee of the morning, excited to get her car to start working after dying on her while in her way back to her house. 

Someone must have noticed the lack of coffee, because Leo starts the coffee machine right after asking his wife: “Babe, did you finish this coffee? I left it full just an hour ago.”

Okay, so maybe the grand night of the Formula One race was getting closer and her need of coffee comes from the fact that she hasn’t slept very well. Or at all. The ache behind her eyelids is painful when she tries to concentrate on the little, smallest pieces of the car, almost like a surgeon who is looking for that exact mistake that has been bothering the entire body. Someone had noticed the reason as to why there is no more coffee in the shop, though. “I didn’t finish it, but I know who did.” The thud of Heejung’s foot against her calf makes her let out a breath in surprise, a smile appearing on her face soon after. “Say sorry to Leo, you big child.”

“I’m sorry, Leo!” She utters from under the car, unable to contain the giggles that bubble up from her chest. This is what happiness is about, feeling the crispy sun entering from the open gates of the shop, hearing the coffee brewing as quickly as it can, smelling like old cars and leather seats. This is not a world of Maserati’s and rains of money, but it will be one day. She’s hopeful, loyal, waiting for the time she can finally glow to her fullest potential. If she doesn’t sleep before this race, however, she won’t even be able to win.

“Don’t scold her so much.” Leo adds in that sweetened tone of his and she can imagine the sweet-looking man with the rounded cheeks nudging his wife’s side. “She’s under a lot of pressure.”

“You know more than anyone that I love her with my entire heart,” And she is certain Heejung really does such thing. No one wakes up at midnight to help their friend out pushing her car back home. No one becomes a manager of their best friend who is far too stubborn for her own good. No one would have done that, for her or for anyone like her, driving through a dead-end street for the sake of their friendship. “...But she does this even if she is not about to race for Formula One.”

“Stop talking about me as if I’m not in the room.” She says, somewhat scared that they’d realize just how nervous she is. Shaken to the core, not because of her abilities, she trusts those, but because there is someone better than her already...Lee Hoseok, who in the little publicity stunt had sat her back down on her place, as if she was insignificant and while she knows he did it simply to tease her, one of his tactics coming from the electricity between them, she still feels somewhat...thoughtful.

Enraged, but the kind of enraged that has her smiling when she realizes that—huh, Lee Hoseok is the type of man to have the sweetest smile in the world, yet be endlessly honest.

For a moment, she gets tranced in her own car. This old thing that she had bought with money that should have gone for her rent, but back then she didn’t know any better. It just screamed for her to own it, mostly because it reminded her of one of the first few magazines she had peeked at when her interest in cars and racing grew. It’s from the nineties, surely, it looks like it belongs to that era, but some classics never really get ancient. Nonetheless, nowadays it was difficult to keep it up its feet. With the money she has earned from precious races, though still not as big as what she’d earn does she win the race that’ll take place in three days, she has been able to make it look somewhat decent. Still, the engine is a headache and underneath, it looks as if it had been hit a thousand times before she bought it.

Probably true, but the most gorgeous of things are filled with memories of hardships.

The moment grows larger, longer, keeping her under the car more than necessary, only getting out when she needs to try out the car to no avail. At some point, her back is aching so badly that it cracks when she gets on the creeper again, the smell of coffee long gone, Leo now on his third car of the day and Heejung must be somewhere, but she can’t bring herself to look for her right now. When she bites down on her bottom lip, doing a few arrangements that will take her to the exact position her car should be in, she hears the sound of thick, dense boots kicking against the concrete of their shop, whoever this is stood by the side of her car, leaving him with a view of the black, stylish boots said man wore for the afternoon. Whoever this is has a tough walk, strong muscles and—

“Uh, good afternoon. May I have your help? My car just died on me right now, the engine is not even roaring and I had to push it all the way here.” That voice, angelic but with an edge, not pompous although he is a man of wealth, somewhat humble as well. The delicate lisp that gives out that this is Lee Hoseok. The...rival that is now in her quarter, in her zone, asking for help from no other than her own team. 

She’d roll out from underneath the car, but she is hiding. Seeing him would mean that she’d up saying something competitive, yet stupidly romantic and flirty because there is something about him that she wants to have, own even for the slightest of seconds. Luckily for her, the man doesn’t seem to be paying attention to her, instead listening to the sound of Heejung’s voice. 

“Ah, yes. We’ll gladly help you. Is your car out there? I’m free right now.” Heejung is political. She knows how to speak and how to do it, unlike her. She can imagine the smile on her face and from the distance, she hears Leo stopping with whatever job he was doing.

“Yeah, it’s parked out there. Sorry, I couldn’t bring it here, I had to push it for too long...” Even he apologizes, sweetening her mouth and leaving it in the back of her tongue. This is the kind of person Lee Hoseok is...and it’s so thrilling to see that someone of his caliber either is perfect at being fake or is incredibly nice. Soon after, he gives a small chuckle, resting his arm against her precious car when he speaks out her name along with Heejung’s. “Wait, you’re her manager, right? I read about the two of you in the line-up. I didn’t think you’d own a mechanic shop.”

“Uh, I, yes—She’s—” Heejung is trying to look for words, because in her immense intelligent, publicitary head, she probably thinks Hoseok is holding a grudge against her. He may, actually.

“And that’s another guy from her team. I saw him with her that same night we raced.” Hoseok points out, now moving his legs slightly as he trails his gaze across the room. She sees his feet moving now, keeping her legs out of underneath the car, peeking like a monster under a kid’s bed. “So...that leaves us to believe the one person under the car must be your client, I suppose.”

Dang it. He’s not as stupid as one would have imagined he is, granted the prince-like title he holds in the racing industry. She clears her throat, placing the flashlight down on her abdomen before looking up at the car, as if it was the sky and she was looking for answers there. “Is there anything I can do for you, Wonho?”

“Not really,” He says, the car shaking slightly when he rests his weight over the hood of it and if he dares bend it the slightest, she’ll have to use the power of her friend also being her legal representation. Heejung is just the biggest chunk of her life in what consists of individuals. “But it’s pretty funny. You’re hiding from me now, when you were about to eat me alive in the race.”

One thing that she does not do is hide. Even under the helmets, the layers of clothing she uses for racing, even from the cameras...she never hides. There is nothing she should be embarrassed of, prideful of her work as prideful can get, so to say that is a bang to her chest, an immediate response that has her moving her legs forward, bending her knees to bring the creeper out from underneath, face finally getting a fresh gush of air to stop her heated cheeks and to dry the glint of sweat that rests upon her arms and chest. “I’m not hiding. Never have I ever consider hiding from you.”

Hoseok smiles, laughs when he straightens his back to look at her, inspecting her flustered face that doesn’t come from him or his malicious comments, all dressed in angel clothing, but from the heat. “I know, I’m just teasing.” He sweetly conquers, pointing at her while exchanging a glance with Heejung. “Can’t she fix my car? She looks like she knows what she is doing.”

She stands up then, thanks to the hand he extends for her to take, his soft touch still a contrast of how she thought he’d be. It takes her three steps to be inside her car, turning the key in the ignition and watching it come to life when a smile appears on her face. “I don’t look like I know what I am doing. I really do know what to do with cars.” She rests her forearms on the steering wheel, speaking loudly when she quirk an eyebrow at Hoseok. “Why? Haven’t fixed one in your life?”

She hears Heejung shouting her name as a scolding, but Hoseok simply kneels the slightest, looking at her from the open windows. He tilts his head to the side. “I used to. I don’t think I do anyone, I just get them fixed.”

“Just accept you want me to waste time on your car instead of spending it practicing for the race.” She tuts him, only to watch the smirk fall from his face, lips parting along the same time his eyebrows lift in surprise.

“I would never do that.” He truthfully says, interlocking his fingers in front of him, cladded in rings that she has taken a glimpse of. He doesn’t make it easy, the soft tone of his voice that reaches the deps of her ribs, moves them out of their place with each quickened breath she takes to calm herself down. For someone who protects, shelters herself from the world with an attitude of stubbornness and recklessness, he seems to have some power over her. Sensitivity exists within her soul whenever he is around, calming it down, giving it a dose of whatever his eyes give out. It is a complete different ordeal than the pumping of her heart when he challenges her. “I just want to see how you do, that’s all. No second intentions. I could even pay ahead. I don’t have cash with me right now, but I have my card...what do you want me to buy you?”

She unlocks the doors of her car, nodding along to his words. “Alright, buy me a Lamborghini Veneno.” The item is worth millions, the reason why Hoseok’s shoulders shake in the wheeze he lets out, looking at her with surprise in his expression.

“No, be serious!”

“I’m serious.” She says, leaning forward until their faces are just centimeters away. “Buy me my Lamborghini and I’ll fix your car.”

Hoseok takes his wallet out, waving it in front of her face with a gentle smile on his sweet features. He knows what he is doing, he has to, and she finds herself smiling as well when the air around them is too thick for the two of them to breathe together. The oxygen is lacking, her eyes inspecting his features, from his plush lips to the length of his dark eyelashes, the piercings that rest on his earlobes and shine against the sunlight romantically. “What about coffee and pastries? You get to drive me there and practice. I also pay you while I see what you’re all about in a real car.”

She steals a glance at Heejung, the kind of face that is telling her not to do it, because she knows exactly what her intentions are. This is the kind of people she always seek for, the ones that give her adrenaline, pump her up with the chase of finding someone, the game of connecting with another person before the fire dulls down. Heejung’s face is framed by her messy hair, shaking her head at her but she ignores it, pointing at the passenger seat with her thumb as she instructs Hoseok: “Get in the passenger seat if you want to know what a real racer looks like.”

“Why? Am I look at myself in the mirror?” Hoseok asks, not giving her time to answer as he walks in front of her car, enough for her to detail the black tee and the matching, tight pants with roaming eyes before he is seated by her side, putting his seatbelt on at the same time as her.

“Buckle up. You’ll need it.”

She notices at that moment, when she steps on the pedal with expertise and excellence, that Hoseok looks at life differently. He feels everything in a different manner, showcased by the way his hands grip to his sides, a shriek leaving his lips just in time for a smile to reach his cheeks. She takes that much in from a glance at him, rounding around his car and getting out of the street that leads to the mechanic shop, leaving a cloud of dust and smoke behind them. Her car is back to its normality, how she knows it, making her hum in delight when the radio turns up with the usual station that accompanies her late night adventures and someone as grand as Hoseok, as delightful in the racing industry, seems surprised when she goes about the streets as if she doesn’t care. She doesn’t, actually, she’ll stop when she feels like the police would catch her.

“Your foot is heavy, oh my God!” Hoseok comments, chuckles leaving his broad chest when she takes one glance over at him, slowing down when she reaches farther from the mechanic shop, more people coming into view, less known than her usual neighbors. 

“I came to this life just to play. That’s all.” She answers, her voice more audible now that she has slowed down, smoothly gliding her hands against the steering wheel until her elbow is resting on the opened window, fist pressed to her cheek, looking ahead. “So, I get to pick the coffee place?”

“Whatever you want,” When she gives him a side-eye, she catches him staring, a big smile on his face when he does. “Yeah, wherever you want.”

A few streets ahead, her favorite coffee shop sells the most delicious of pastries and from the bitter taste that was left from her lunch, she’ll need something sweet. Something quite like Lee Hoseok in this eventful afternoon. “Even hell? Because man, I can really take you there—”

“You’re not a demon.” He answers, leaning back on his seat when he breaks his gaze away from her. “You’re more angelic than you think you are.”

“Oh yes, of course, something about almost making you fall in front of everyone in a race and saying more curse words in a sentence than any other person could just speaks angelic.” She sarcastically prompts, straightening her back and chuckling. “I’m not even a demon. I could be Satan herself.”

“Satan is a man.”

“Who told you that?” She asks, stopping the car right in front of the coffee shop before smiling. “I’m very much a woman.”

Hoseok is amused, she sees it in the way he gets out of the car as quickly as she does, following after her with laughter bubbling from his chest. “What is it with you and this image you have going on? Are you really this reckless or are you doing it to be interesting?”

“I don’t know, Wonho, Hoseok...Formula One loser, is it interesting to you?” She asks, standing right in front of the door of her favorite coffee place to see that it is closed. A pout wants to overtake her lips, though she simply points at the sign that reads they are closed for today thanks to technical difficulties. 

“Very.” He says, his shoulder pressing to hers when he looks around the street, hands hidden in his pockets before he points with his chin towards a bakery. “That looks like a good place for pastries. I owe you the coffee, but hey, at least I got you to go out to a place with me without having you threaten me.”

She smiles, walking right by his side towards the bakery, one that is just next to another one, the separation in between them clear when the colors are completely different, one more exquisite and expensive looking, the other more humbled and beige-colored. “If you’re wondering, though, it’s really not an act. I’m this kind of person every day and every night.”

Hoseok makes the decision to open the door to the beige-colored bakery, earning a pointed look from the delivery man on the black bakery, who immediately stands up when he hears the sound of laughter coming from one of the workers in the bakery. She hears a name, Kihyun, but she doesn’t pay much attention to their conversation as she gets further inside the place.

“...Also, if you really wanted to go out with me, you could’ve just asked.” She answers, shrugging her shoulders when Hoseok asks:

“Would you have said no?”

“I don’t know. Why don’t you figure it out?”

In that small bakery, eating bites of the sweetest of meals, she learns that Hoseok’s image is somewhat fabricated, made to be the cocky and powerful racer that everyone admires. Beneath that, there is a softer soul, someone whose love for racing goes deeper than any magazine could ever showcase. She wasn’t wrong when she said they were polar opposites.

🚗

Her sponsor is quite the brand.

...It’s good for her, at least, somewhat productive.

Energy buzzes through her; it comes in sharp movements of her legs, in the jumping of her feet, in the way she goes from one corner to the other of the booth in which her team stays in. Leo, Heejung and a few other of her friends. The reason as to why she is so electrified, as if thunder had gone through her body, penetrating on every cell, is perpetually written on her uniform, the only sponsor she has. An energy drink company, good enough to have her pupils dilated as she waits for the race to start, a few pictures sent her way and in most pictures, anyone can probably notice the sweat that pools on her forehead and the frenzied look on her face.

Nervousness is not a good look. It doesn’t belong to her, either, she is not the type to get extremely nervous—but the race is finally upon her, the taste of the Formula One title lingering on the back of her tongue, only heightening her ambition when she sees the amount of racers there. In her little rendezvous of hatred with Hoseok, she had completely forgotten that there are other racers there; equally as hardworking, as good, as rich or ambitious as she wants to be. This led to drinking ehr first energy drink early in the morning, almost like breakfast, downing it in one go and now, at this hour of the afternoon, she has already had too many energy drink to even count.

She grips Heejung’s forearm, resting one foot on the floor at a time in her small jumping-dance, ridiculous to anyone who would be looking at her. She feels like she is back to when she was a child and couldn’t go to the bathroom herself. “Jung, I really need to pee. Like, so bad.”

Heejung’s face grows stoic, almost too serious, tugging at her sleeve to get her attention once again. This time, her manager and best friend turns to look at her with a sigh. “Then, just go to the bathroom!”

“But what if the race starts soon?” She worries, the whine in her tone something that she is not accustomed to. The acoustics of the place bring her on the edge, apparently, listening to too many voices, music that is too loud, making her feel out of place, compared to how excited she is most of the time—ready to take over the world. “Heejung!”

“You should have thought about that when you were drinking another can of energy drinks—” She replies before patting the racer’s shoulder. “Just go, it won’t take you more than two minutes and you still have time. Go.”

“Are you sure?”

“...You can always pee your pants inside your car, either way. Don’t go, it’s fine with me.” Heejung sarcastically adds, watching as she pats her best friend’s shoulder quickly to get some of the tension off her body, adrenaline rushing too quickly through her veins.

“Don’t be an asshole. I’m going to pee. Wait for me here, okay? Scream my name if the race starts.”

“Or I could just call you.”

“Great idea, that too!”

Unusual must not be the adjective she was looking for when she heard a knock on the door of the bathroom, open for anyone to enter. By that time, she is washing her hands, splashing some of the leftover water on her face and patting her cheeks quickly, albeit a bit harshly, to get any kind of anxiousness out of her system. The person outside knocks the door again, something that has her screaming out a ‘it’s open!’ into the thin air. No one listens, or they don’t understand her, making her huff as she pats her hands on the backside of her uniform, walking towards the door and opening it with her elbows—hygiene first, she tells herself—but once she is about to come face to face with the annoying woman at the door, she realizes it is not a woman at all.

You see, this is very much a man.

Someone she knows, not like the back of her hand, but at moments like these she wishes she did.

His image is pristine. He’s the sweet man of the Formula One; the person who makes everyone feel special, after all, with some titles under his name and some questionable friends, but beyond anything, people consider him sacred. A sanctified sin, she’d call him, much more in the way he looks currently. His dark hair falls upon his forehead, thin eyebrows covered and his eyes darker than ever. There seems to be a hint of makeup on his skin, his lips are rosier than ever, calling out for dignification the moment he calls out her name with a smile on his face.

Not to talk about the way her eyes dart towards his body, elegance as is with the way his uniform has a the zipper a bit low, giving a glimpse his chest, his workout routine noticeable in everything about him. The star of the night, however, is the grin he gives her when he dumbly adds: “I’m so happy you’re here.”

“Well, I’m a contestant. Of course I’m here.” She points out, catching the way his cheeks light up under the bright lights of the place they are in. “Are your nerves getting the best of you? Because I could grab one of the lollipops inside the girl’s bathroom and give it to you.” She looks up and down at him, biting down her bottom lip after shrugging her shoulders. “There’s no shame if that’s why you were knocking.”

Hoseok, now in his Wonho persona, covers his embarrassment with a chuckle. “I’m not nervous.”

“I am.” She confesses. “...But either way, that must be the twenty energy drinks I just had.” She teases, laughing at her own joke before sighing, resting her hands inside the pockets of her uniform. “Can I help you out with anything?”

He crosses his arms over his chest and she invites herself not to look down. It’d be weak of her to show that she is affected by him, much more when they are minutes away from knowing who the winner of this little internal fight they’ve had is. “Actually, I was looking for you because I may have gotten you an interview with the biggest racing magazine in the industry.”

“Huh?” She says, pointing in between them before scoffing. “You—Me? Wait? Interview? No one wants to interview me.”

Protection is the best policy. The thought of not being wanted in a world that she has tried her hardest to be part of is heartbreaking; sometimes, she finds herself wondering if she’ll ever make it. Wanting to is one thing, actually doing it is another. In this case, Hoseok leans against the nearest wall, looking at her with a faint grin on his face. “At first, they only wanted me there but I said I would not give them an interview if they didn’t give you a chance.”

She slaps her hands against her thighs, falling thanks to gravity. This is something new—Hoseok is just the type of man to adore attention, or so she had thought. He couldn’t possibly do something like this...right? “No way you did or said that. There’s no way.”

“But I did.” Hoseok finishes, his face softening when he lets out a sigh. “Even if I come up last tonight, I’ll still get interviews and sponsorships. Your career is still starting, I don’t want you feeling discouraged just because of the lack of attention from the public.”

She raises her eyebrows at that, battling the stone in her soul, finding out if she can still keep up that confident persona of hers when in reality, Hoseok has simply given a one-in-a-time opportunity. Heejung would be thrilled, until she heard that it was from Hoseok. Something about him was rather gravitational, both good and bad, like she wanted to be closer but she knew it was impossible for them to ever become one. Why? Just a sixth sense. 

“Mhm, I see.” She hums, getting closer to him and looking up at his eyes, which are now glistening when the air in between them is shared. Hoseok may be adrenaline at its finest, the feeling of sneaking in at night behind her family and feeling alive again. He reminds her of the tests in which she cheated in and the thrill of getting caught made her feel powerful. Fearless, some called her, obsessed with feeling alive to the point she’d do anything to have her heart palpitating more than it should. If she can get that from Hoseok, why not use it to her favor? “Thank you.” Though, she speaks from the heart, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and breathing in the scent of him.

Hoseok’s fingers delve into her waist, until they land on the curve of her spine. Even her bones are fidgety, caused by the energy on her system or the thankfulness for him. For a nice soul to exist in such a place. “A-Ah, you’re welcome.” He composes himself quickly. As if the poer of her is not enough to trance him. His fingers trail up her back when she pulls away, grasping the edges of her hair before they are off her ambience. “You better get going. I sent them to your booth and I think they must be waiting for you. The race starts in twenty minutes.”

“Okay, noted.” She replies, giving a few steps forward before turning around, walking backwards whilst speaking to him. “You know, at this rate, you’re really going to end up getting in my good list, Wonho.”

“Can’t end up where I already am.” He sneakily adds, clever beyond what anyone would have imagined before he waves his hand in the air. “See you after the race.”

“Let’s see who is winner by then.”

The interview is, apparently, what she needed to feel better. A camera pointed to her face, a microphone in front of her lips and questions that take her into consideration as a possible winner for the race, just like anyone else. This is a dream beyond fame, of strength instead, of being able to live a fun life without the reigns of responsibility. Sometimes, she wonders if she’ll have to grow out of this mindset—the fear of getting older is not as strong as losing her eternal youth, the essence of her. This is what she has always dreamed of; she confirms.

It’s more of a reality when Leo and Heejung are no longer in sight, when her thighs are pressed to the smaller car in which she is in, helmet secured in place, hands holding onto the steering wheel. She wishes she could have a mirror at that moment, because Hoseok is parked not too far away, testing his engine, letting it roar. She looks over her shoulder, seeing a slit of his eyes behind the helmet, though by the way they crinkle he is smiling. 

She has never quite been this affected by anyone, like she needs to win in order to gain some attention. From the public. From the magazines, the TV shows, the man that everyone adores.

It’s no longer about dethroning him. It’s a state of graceful competition, igniting a fire of attraction, of wanting to push his buttons to get a reaction.

When the race stars, she realizes this is all she has known. When she was a teenager and she would take her friend’s car out for a ride, not caring that the wind blew too hard on her hair or that she couldn’t see properly with the speed she was going in. When she fell in love too quickly, too hard, like she needs to feel alive for once, feel like she has the reigns of starting a fire and dulling it at the same time. Stepping on the engine is necessary, it’s the only way she prove that she is more than just a forgettable woman in the background. The stakes are clear—money, wealth, fame, all of those combine into something stronger. Shades of greed, it’s red—it has never belonged to passion, either way—, everything she sees is suddenly blurring into wanting more and more and more.

It’s dangerous to never get enough or have enough. She breathes more calmly the more she races, when she sees cars stepping behind her, when everything is about sensing where she is located. For a moment, she can’t help but smile. Those who criticized her would never realize that this, on itself, is a form of art. Racing includes the music of life—an engine, the cheering of the crowd; that makes her a performer. Racing also partakes in speed, precise enough to save her own life, the glide of her hands on the steering wheel leaving an imprint on the concrete. That makes her an artist.

At some point, it’s not about winning anymore. It’s about getting noticed in this unstoppable moment of life, so when she sees the endline, she blurs everyone that is around her. She has raced for the world to see, for TV programs to take her into consideration, for the first time she gets to be clapped at instead of called out for her irresponsibility. Her feet steps harder on the pedal, braving it all when she reaches the endline. Once her car comes to a halt, smoke trailing behind it, she gets out, taking off her helmet and inspecting everyone to be over Hoseok. 

The Lee Hoseok, Formula One sweetheart, the man whose eyes are now on her when people rush towards her instead.

“And the Formula One welcomes a new winner…!” Someone announces in the background, in a microphone to be exact and when she feels herself being lifted into the air by her team, she parts her lips and lets out a squeal, hands pressing into her chest to revive herself.

It strangely feels like being born again, like she spoke into existence that she’d be someone of importance. It was either this or social death. The fight was worth going through, because for the first time in her life: she had an actual title.

Formula One winner. Not a disgrace of society that wants to destroy everything at her reach.

Heejung is the one to coach her through it; from the interviews to the actual presentation to the press. Most of the time, she clings into Heejung’s hand, trying not to speak atrocities and ruin her moment, but Hoseok is not too far away. Either way, winning or not, Hoseok had done excellently and money was still going to his bank account, leaving most people bitter at his loss—or almost winning, like some would call it. When questions are thrown his way, she turns to look at him, seated in the same stage as her, talking effortlessly and elegantly. He looks unbothered, throwing a few glances her way, parting his legs until his thighs are in contact with hers.

Winning recognition and money on the long run is one thing. There are things she wants in this life that are not worth money.

Hoseok, for example, is one of those desired adrenaline rushes she gets.

When the interview is over and she is about to go over to the parking lot to leave for a celebration with her team, she feels someone tugging at her arm, soon after her neck is caged under someone’s arm, strong, comfortable, quite cushion-y. The touch is foreign, making her look up to see Hoseok’s face, who chuckles at her reaction when he lets her go. 

“Great game,” He starts. “Learn this date like the palm of your hand. You’ll want to remember the day you became a star.”

She laughs at that, nodding her head at his words. “First day of actually feeling like what I do is worth something.”

Hoseok’s eyes soften at that, his face turning to the side when flashes are felt around them. Someone must be taking pictures of the best two racers of the night. “You’ll be big, I can feel it. That arrogance you claim to have is only towards me, so I am guessing you’re just trying to tease me.” He says, observational of how she had been with everyone else. 

“...You’re my biggest rival here, after all.”

“You mean to say: was?”

“You still are. I’ll see you next season”

He hums. “Why not see each other sooner?” The question is spoken into the air, his dark eyes looking into hers. Is brown the shade of wrong or right? Is a man with a smile like that, like he’ll take her breath away with a simple swoop of his lips against hers, troublesome or not? She can’t bring herself to care, much less when she nears him, placing a hand over his arm and dragging it down until it cages his in a faint hold, letting go as she speaks.

“What are you prompting?” She questions, watching the tips of Hoseok’s ears turning red.

“A race...but with dinner before that, and possibly no race at all.” He makes himself crack up, earning a laugh from her own as she nods her head.

“Yeah, yeah, you’re just scared I’ll win again.”

“I’ve won against you once already.” He prompts, something that has her shrugging.

“Guess we’ll have to figure out with another race...with dinner before that, though.” She says, not noticing that Hoseok’s team is nearby, howling at the words in between them, exchanged playfully.

“Wonho has got a crush!”

“Get it, Hoseok!”

Hoseok extends his hand, almost business-like. “So, a race...not a date?”

She grasps his hand, shaking it with a smile on her face. “A race, not a date.” She conquers, placing her hands behind her back and moving backwards, once again. Why can’t she just turn her back to him. “You already have my number. Give me the details, okay?”

...Because this is definitely a race, not a date.

🚗

“I’ll be leaving early today, okay?”

Heejung, still face-deep in the hood of a car, questions the sound of her voice. “Huh? Why’s that? You always stay at night. It’s not like you like going home early, either way.”

Reaching for the zipper of her overalls, she lets the fabric pool at her feet as it slides down her body, showcasing a much more casual, less mechanic fit. A blouse, some jeans, nothing necessarily fancy. “Who said I’m going home?” She asks Heejung, more like tutting her, something that has the older woman sighing.

“Where are you going?” Heejung asks, pushing her bleached hair away from her shoulders before smacking her hand against the hood of that car. That dent must be driving her crazy. 

“Out on a date.”

Deafening silence, that’s to be expected. Heejung is not a dictator in their friendship, but her years of living has led her to be much like a mother-figure. When she plays with the edge of her hair, almost like a kid would, she realizes that Heejung is just doing that—taking care of her. The woman in question turns around, letting out an exasperated sigh when she actually studies her expression, knowing everything about her with a simple stare.

The thing is: she is not complicated. A risk-taker? Absolutely, a hundred percent, but not difficult to understand. She doesn’t have a routine, but she’s predictable. She’ll do what makes her feel the best that day; she’ll drive herself around, perhaps look for new people to meet, study some more of the science of cars to get herself as much information as possible. Heejung knows this, knows that she seeks for thrill in fear of ever becoming forgettable enough to just find her life to be the same. Each and every single day.

It’s strange, how she battles fear with more fear by living off adrenaline.

“Oh no, baby, I know that look. You’re going out on a date with Wonho, aren’t you?”

“It’s not a matter of who I go out on a date with, Heejung. You’ve said it yourself, I need to get away from always seeking danger and take part of more normal life experiences—”

Heejung sighs at that, fixing her hair as she rests her weight against the dented hood. “No, I know you. You’re doing this, unconsciously, thinking about how hot it would be with your competition in the industry. About how everything is fun and explosive and passionate. You want to have fun, you don’t want to date.” Those words sting at the back of her head, like a punch that has been delivered and it is even worse that it comes from her everything. Heejung is such a necessary part of her life that had she been gone, she wouldn’t know where to stand.

With bitterness settling on her tongue, she speaks out. “What is love about, then? Is it about being boring? Sitting around and not finding anything interesting on the other person other than just finding someone to be there with you? There should be emotion in everything we do.” And maybe her passion is the reason of her love life. She can’t handle routines, the boringness of someone that stops caring, stops loving as hard. The start should not be better than the end, ever.

“...That’s the thing, you have fun in obsessive ways. Not now, at least, but I fear for your safety.” Heejung admits, crossing her arms over her chest to keep her poise. “I’m older than you—”

“That doesn’t give you the right to treat me like a child. I may be messy sometimes, but I know what I’m doing.” This is the part of her that always brings her to be more reckless. People treat her as if enjoying life is her way of being irresponsible, as if she could never make a serious decision, guided by stronger beings than her. She hasn’t had it easy and she has been able to get through it, what is there to prove after that?

“Listen, you’re in your rise to fame now. People are noticing you for your racing,” Heejung, always poised, says in his normal voice. She never curses, never does anything to make it seem as if she is not perfect in every way. That is what has always calmed her down, but she still did not treat Heejung differently if she made a mistake. That is what she is looking for...and sadly, she’d never get. “And you have the celebrity personality. I fear that once you have enough money, you’re going to get addicted to feeling. Celebrities are problematic because they need attention; they need to smoke more than anyone, drink more than anyone, have more sex than any normal human being—”

“You know me, I wouldn’t do that.”

“But I still feel like you shouldn’t go out on a date with Hoseok.” She reasons, though her voice lifts at that. “You’re two fires trying to get together, that just creates a bigger fire and once you dull, there is no way you’re staying. I don’t want you to have your heart broken, because I know you when you get too over excited.” Heejung gets closer to her, blinking rapidly at her friend. “I just know you’ll end up disappointed.”

She looks over to the side, trying not to stare forward. Heejung would want to reason with her and this is just her reality—she wants to go out on a date with Hoseok. Wanted, she desires to feel like; to have someone that understands her. Not a man that asks her to slow down, not a man that shakes her head at her give-it-all-or-lose-it-all personality. Hoseok looked at her, heard her speak with such faux confidence in order to push herself out there, with competition lingering in her tongue, and he still felt attracted to her. He didn’t want to dull her, if anything, he wanted to brighten her up.

“Heejung, I just want to fucking live my life.” Her voice has softened, looking into her friend’s eyes as she reaches forward to push at her arm, almost hesitantly, trying to lighten up the mood. “When I’m older, I want to say I lived. I’m not saying Hoseok is a forever, what I’m saying is that he is who I want right now. For sex or for love, I have to judge that for my own.”

“I just want you to settle down for once.” Heejung whispers. “You’ll end up hurt.”

“You can scold me if that happens,” She says, feeling her phone vibrating inside her pocket and getting it out to see a text from Hoseok. He’s outside, waiting for her. “But for now, Jung, I’m an adult. I don’t need the parenting.”

The glide of her car keys being tossed towards Heejung’s extended hands has the older woman sighing, nodding her head along to her words in a way to showcase her support. More like hidden disappointment, the one that shows she’ll be waiting there whatever happens. “Text me when it’s over, alright?”

Once outside, the dark night engulfs her when it matches the sight of Hoseok’s car, perfectly parked in front of her workplace. It’s a Lamborghini, not to be expected from him to have something cheap or slow, and she doesn’t blame him for it. Her hands trail over the car, smiling at the beaming surface before opening the door. Hoseok lifts his gaze from his phone, then, widening his eyes at the sight of her before he gives one of those infamous smile.

How does Heejung expect her ignore Lee Hoseok? Not the angel of races, but the person himself. She wants to get to know the reason as to why someone like her could bring such brightness out of him. An asshole, that she is; not a heartbreaker per say, just viewing life differently, to test it and enjoy it. Maybe, Heejung is right; people like them are meant to create bigger fires to be turned to dust by someone else, but for now, Hoseok is the person that makes her feel like there is not a burning feeling with fire.

It’s warm. People forget that fire was once looked for thanks to the lack of warmth.

“Hi,” She says, putting the seat belt over her body and studying him. Not his body, but the way he stares at her with a smile on his face, blinking once before letting out a soft sigh.

“You’re gorgeous tonight.” He says before stopping himself, blowing out a raspberry out of frustration. “Not tonight only, though, you are always extremely pretty and funny—”

“I’ll take that as a compliment because I damn right do not look quite as good as you look. Much less with my work clothes.” She compliments, pressing one hand to Hoseok’s shoulder. “So, where are you taking me?”

“...We said dinner.” He continues, all radiance when he starts the car. “For tonight, we’re not two racers in a car but we’re normal people. I’ll drive safely, take you out to dinner and try not to choke on my food from how absolutely beautiful you are.”

“Hoseok, that’s corny, come on.” She pushes, earning laughter from his part.

“Expect more of that through the night.”

“Lucky me,” She rolls her eyes, though a smile plants itself on her face. The growth of being around him, supposedly. “I’ll have a comedy sketch done with the amount of corny lines.”

“I’m ready for it.”

It’s not that the date is perfect, that the place is as inherently expensive as she expected it to be with Lee Hoseok, as rich as he is, it’s the fact that it isn’t. The wine isn’t tastier than any other one that she has, the music isn’t fancier or more on the classic side, the people aren’t socialites with tight dress and huge bank accounts. It’s not the food that is served in fresh plates with smoke coming out of them to indicate how hot they are and it’s not the taste, though magnificent, of the meal she is having along with Hoseok. It’s the man that makes it so memorable, the conversation that never stops, the way she has her head thrown back with laughter the more he tries to joke around. Something connects, like dots in space, like the moles on his face. 

Hoseok talks about his tastes; what music he likes, how he listens to it, how he’ll never get used to travelling but how much he loves it. How he’d prefer a bathrobe over any kind of pajamas and how working out, for him, is more than just looking good but feeling good. This makes her feel at ease—someone else enjoys life for what it is, freedom. Someone else can laugh freely with her, can make her feel like she is not judged, and that person is no other than Lee Hoseok.

Flirting is a necessity with him, in the way she looks at him and how sometimes she catches herself sighing out loud at the mere sound of his voice, not for its tone but for what he says. He is not the typical celebrity, much less is he obsessed with being first place. He has surprised her quite thoroughly. Her hand sometimes dances along to his skin when he feeds her something, or when he holds it over the table and these are the particular things that have her heart racing.

Sometime when his fries are long gone, Hoseok licks his grease-coated lips and sighs. “Why did you decide to become a racer? Like, where did it all start?”

She toys with her fries as she dips them on tomato sauce, puckering up her lips and letting out a short chuckle. “It’s funny because it happened when I was around sixteen. My friend had a car, her grandma’s old car, and she was wanted to go out on a date but she didn’t know shit about driving...so I took her there, I learned then and there.” She smiles at the imagery, the young days of enjoying trying something new and perhaps sucking at it, but having fun along the way. “...But then I hung around other people, and more problematic people at that and that’s when I started to race. They used me to test cars and whatnot, because I was just the youngest of the group and wasn’t as important.” Hoseok raises his eyebrows at that, clearly hurt by the way she spoke.

“They should have never done that.”

“I didn’t know better, I just wanted to have fun. At the time, I guess I trusted them enough to know I wouldn’t die...but who knows? I could’ve.” She finishes, finally plopping the fry inside her mouth before speaking with her mouth full. “What about you?”

“I learned how to drive when I was thirteen,” He says, biting down on his bottom lip when he recalls the memory. “Well, kind of, I asked my mom to let me drive her to grocery store and after so much begging, she let me...but, I didn’t do it again until I got older and she wanted me to drive her everywhere. I became a chauffeur, then tried out for legal racing matches because I...needed the money.” Well, in reality she had always expected Hoseok to be more like her. She did it because she wanted to, but with the way his voice lowers, grows tinier in comparison, maybe that wasn’t the case. “I got denied from college, I couldn’t afford going and my job was a mess since I was a waiter so...I raced, got my ass kicked a hundred times, tried again. After some years, I finally made enough money to never worry about going back to that state again.”

Her hand reaches forward, the smile now off her face when she says: “You’ve been an inspiration for many, Hoseok.” 

“Wonho has.”

“You’re Wonho, though.” She tells him, reassuringly, looking over at him before sighing through her nose. “Kids and teenagers alike think you are so cool. They see you and they see confidence and racers fear you, they know you’re talented and great with publicity—I feared you, in some way.” Though, by the way he looks at her, the lights of the restaurant casting over his face, she can sense his mood being lifted up.

“You weren’t scared of me,” He says. “You crushed me from the day we met.”

“I like to assert dominance, yes.” She tilts her head to the side, pondering the options of the first time they met. “But it’s because you were so great at everything, I was triggered. Great at everything and the greatest looking man I’ve seen in a while. I was offended.”

Hoseok chuckles at that, reaching forward until he is wiping some of the tomato sauce on her lip with a napkin. “I was terrified. I thought my working out routine was good until you almost made me fall with a handshake.”

“Oh come on, I wasn’t that rough.”

“You were.”

Looking up, albeit a bit innocently or feigning to be, she speaks in a softer tone. “Sorry. I may have been a bit tough, but you liked me like that.”

“I definitely did.” Hoseok says, lifting his glass of wine up in the air. “For the woman I knew was going to win against me from the moment I met her.”

“Pfft,” She scoffs, lifting her glass as well and clinking it against his. “You’re saying that just because.”

“...Let me just compliment you.”

“I’d—Okay, yes, you knew I was going to win.”

With the chemistry building inside of them, the faint drinks leaving her with a buzzing feeling by the time she is back in his car and being driven home, she thinks that at the least of possibilities, he is going to kiss all the dizziness away, tipsy feelings gone when his rosy lips rest upon hers and part at the same time, in a rhythm, like he wants to take her breath away and take her out again. One of his hands rest on the steering wheel, the other playing with the edge of her fingers, like he is speaking and doing it without thought, and she can’t bring herself to say anything.

Not when he is complimenting the date, talking about how much he enjoyed it—enjoyed her. Coming closer is the answer, finally engulfing his palm in her warmth when she leans forward to whisper her goodbyes and instead of receiving a kiss as a gift, all she gets is the drunken truth of a whispered goodbye and a smile. He doesn’t try anything more than a pat on the head and that is enough to have her squinting.

Getting out of the car, she even turns around in case he is rushing behind her to give her a kiss but then, she realizes he is waiting for her to get inside.

...He is being respectful, though his obvious attraction is clear even to her, he is being nice.

He’s waiting, for her, for a kiss, for the perfect time to leave. He’s patient, he’s the slow-burn everyone talks about.

She looks ahead once again, letting some oxygen in before releasing it. Strangely enough, all frustration is washed from her body to be replaced with acceptance. Time will bloom what needs to grow at its own time.

🚗

Contrary to what one would believe coming from her, subsidiary bad girl in what the general term means, she enjoys the tranquil night she gets to spend with Hoseok a few weeks later. Was it a week? Because it felt like a longer time had passed by. In the comfort of their hushed conversations, seated on her couch as they watched those movies that he claims are too good to dismiss—action-based, he really likes those, but with a lingering meaning of loyalty and friendship in the back of it all, she finds enjoyment.

Hoseok, even when he cooked for her with all the might in the world, wanting nothing more than for her to try his instant noodles and to watch how fast he is at chopping, is the color red. He’s fast, passionate, enough to take her breath away when she leans on the counter and watches him work, hears him speak about this movie that he wants to watch with her—Kingsman, he claims she’d like it and she is not one to sit down and watch movies when she could be out and about doing something, but for him, she’d do it.

Because Hoseok can bring feelings even in the most mundane of actions. He can speak with such interest that it clings to her soul, leads her closer and closer until she wishes he could finally act upon their attraction, their devilish need to just kiss each other until they burned. It couldn’t be that he is not interested, she guesses, but the green body of insecurity bites at the back of her brain. She is used to men that take the first step on the very first moment, not to the beauty of him as he takes the time to feed her, to have her tasting what he is cooking beforehand so it is just the right amount of spice for her. 

Liking him is all about going forward, not caring that there are no brakes to step on. She wants fast, she wants breathtaking, she wants Lee Hoseok to make her feel like life is slow when in reality she is just an explosion waiting to be ignited.

“I’m not boring you with movies, am I?” He asks after they ate, barely getting through half the movie he was talking about before they had decided to clean up. A lot of mess was caused thanks to the popcorn, the snacks and the food. His elbow rests against the counter, red shirt cladding to his body, matching the rosiness of his pout. 

“No,” She confesses, laughing as she splashes water over the plate she is washing. It’s so filled with soy sauce and spices that she is not sure how she’ll get it off. “Strangely enough, I have enjoyed something that I never do. I rarely sit down and use my TV, but with you...it’s fun.”

“I’m glad.” Hoseok says, making her turn to look at him when she feels his gaze inspecting her facial features. She is not exactly the most gorgeous of people tonight, for Hoseok had crashed too suddenly, leaving her more casual than elegant or ready to seduce him. However, his brown eyes concentrate on the color of her eyes, on the depth of her nose, the curve of it, the shine on the bridge, the curve of her lips and even to her jaw before looking back up once again. “If you’re wondering, I’m having an excellent time.”

“...Huh.” She whispers, licking her lips and swallowing thickly when she feels the dangerous side of Hoseok upon her, the one that Heejung advices her to get away from. The trapping point of him that has her in his arms in no time, could she do such thing without feeling a bit insecure, the moment in which she wonders if Hoseok is as innocent as he makes himself to be or he simply wants to prolong the moment, increase the tension, make her nals cling to her skin in hopes of breathing properly. No one has ever had this power over her. “Well, that’s good news...”

Hoseok gets closer to her, like a repetition of events, lips parting and eyes falling a bit, his eyelids fluttering when he leans forward and has her thinking that a kiss will land upon her lips, finally changing their red and beige to the whole rainbow. Instead, the wet kiss is placed upon her chin, making her open her eyes and frown when she realizes that Hoseok had not intended to give her a kiss—

Instead, he childishly kissed her chin.

Is this a new type of affection she has not known about?

Hoseok’s cheeks flush at that, clearing his throat when he pulls away and laughs about something he is thinking before straightening his back. “I’ll—Uh, I’ll serve us some soda while you finish there.”

She inspects his back as he moves towards her refrigerator, releasing a sigh when she says: “You’re so strange, Lee Hoseok.”

“Did you say something?”

“Nothing.”

Her nerves are in endless synapse when she is seated by his side again, legs sprawled over his lap, his hands caressing her calves and making sure she feels comfortable. The air conditioner is suddenly not enough to calm down the heat that exists around her, in tneed of being closer and closer, catching a few glimpses of the expression of Hoseok’s face, barely illuminated by the television device. He’s calm, she can tell, but he’s deep in his thoughts, much like herself, only making comments ever so briefly, something about the silence being absolutely shattering.

The movement of her legs must have caught his attention, turning to his side when he notices her trying to get out of the fluffy blanket that covered her body. “I’m suffocating here.” She adds in a funny tone, perhaps to break through the tension, and it seems to do the trick. Hoseok takes the edge of the blanket in between his fingers, trying to pull at it and get it off her body.

“Sorry, I think I wrapped you up too tightly.” Hoseok says, reminiscent of earlier that night when he had insisted on wrapping her up nicely, almost tucking her by his side. The touch of his hands around her shoulders has her breathing out a laugh.

“You wanted to turn me into a burrito.”

“I like those.” He comments, raising his eyebrows teasingly before she hits his chest. At that moment, time stops and the movie talks in the background, some action scene that would have caught his attention had his body not been immensely close to hers, her hand caressing just above his heart, ready to cage it in a tight grip and pull it away. His eyes do that thing that he is used to, studying from up close, ready to flirt but not voicing it out. 

“Don’t do that,” She whispers, though her voice gives away that she is sarcastically adding the comment. “Looking at me like that...do you like what you see that much?” She tries to play, though her voice is tiny when Hoseok learns forward.

“Wasn’t it obvious?” He asks in between a laugh. “I’ve been flirting with you since the moment I met you.”

“I noticed.”

“Then...”

Hoseok gets even closer, burning with the need to kiss her when she closes her eyes tightly. The knotted thread of the story seems to be here, the moment in which she finally gets what she wanted from the beginning—to feel the romance in him. Nonetheless, the air is electrifying, too much to bear when the tip of his fingers caress over her shoulder, wraps around her ribcage and tries to place a kiss on her lips, only for them to turn mistakenly and bump noses.

“Ow!” She hisses, opening her eyes and getting to see Hoseok holding his nose, rolling his eyes at the destiny of it all.

“For fuck’s sake—”

The sentence is cut short when she takes him by the back of his neck, knowing that when things weren’t done correctly, she has to take matters in her own hands. The right answer is to press her lips to his, so quickly that she hears his breath halter, only letting go a few seconds later when he relaxes that hand on her ribcage, the other creating patterns on her nape. Hoseok tastes sweet, beyond the food they had, he tastes like victory, like another dream that she has made true. The way he kisses her, fast-paced and yet so precise, shows experience, thoughtful, a natural in movement when his lips part and he takes no time to deepen the kiss, to reach her heart, to grasp her soul. For the first time, she realizes that much like herself, Hoseok can have the upperhand of his decisions, as well. 

Her legs, half on the couch and half on his lap, end up resting around his waist, trying to bring him closer to her and taste more of him. His breath ghosts over her lips, making her breathe harshly to catch her energy back. Demonic, he seems like, in the way he simply can take everything away from her and then give it back with a smile.

“Sorry for all the failed attempts.” Hoseok apologizes, having her laughing when she leans back on the couch, bringing him down with her and trailing her hands down his shoulders, grasping the muscles at his arms, wanting to be caged in the twisted world of falling for him. Soon after, she seeks for his heart, his chest, expands her hands and looks up at him through her eyelashes.

“It took you long enough to land a kiss.”

“Huh, it must’ve been life telling you that anyone would love to kiss me.”

“I never doubted that,” She replies, letting out a sigh when she traces his collarbones with her fingertips. “But, for now, I’m the only one kissing you.”

“Then, do it.” He says, biting down on his lip. “You never hesitate, why now?”

Falling for him is a challenge, not because it is difficult but because he invites her in with playful banter in between, like they want to see who will be able to fall in too deep the fastest. It’s fun, much more when his lips reconnect with hers. Not only fire, like Heejung claims for them to be, but water, air, earth and so much more. It’s second-nature to kiss him, it’s all she wants to do for that night.

🚗

“...So, basically, you have to twist this piece here. Not too harshly, though, you can break it.”

Hoseok chuckles at her words. “Tell that to the muscly man? How original.”

“I’m just instructing you. You were the one that told me you wanted me to teach you how to repair cars.”

“It was an excuse to get your attention.”

“How original.”

To have Hoseok there, in the place in which she feels the most like herself, is just another reminder of how close it feels to have him in her heart. Fearful, strangely enough she is not, but she clings to this moment like she is afraid she’ll lose it. Hoseok has earned such a spot in her tongue that she can’t start a sentence without thinking of him, she can’t wake up without the need to feel his lips, even like an addiction, far more like appreciation. Her phone is never dull anymore, much less is she lonely when Heejung, Leo and the rest of the workers are gone to their houses and she stays behind.

She had never realized how unaccompanied she felt, why she always seeked for more and more adventures to have, in order to gain attention or perhaps, keep someone in there taking care of her. Not that she needs it, she just wants to be able to have someone by her side. Heejung is her friend, but Hoseok willingly stays with her—he talks about her existence like it is beauty sent by the heavens itself, as if there will never be a woman as brave, as valient, as intelligent...when she has always been the exact opposite for someone else. He says it so truthfully, looks at her with such sensitivity, that one would think he feels the same again.

Someone once told her to wait for her twenties, the golden age of youth. The moment in which nothing matters other than feeling alive, and you can do it with people judging you...but it will never matter enough. She feels as though no one had truly looked at her and thought she’d be more than just a die-hard; but Hoseok does. In that smile that he always has plastered, in the feeling of his arm around her waist, in the way he listens and listens and never judges...that is when she realizes she may be falling for him.

Part of her thinks that her golden age must consist of medals, awards, gold, money—it should never have to deal with love, but it’s difficult when Hoseok dizzies her, moves fast enough in his own methodical way that she can only stare in adoration as he takes her spot in front of the car and does exactly as she had instructed. Plenty of times had she liked someone, in a moment or for longer, never had she felt so strongly, so desperately. It’s no wonder she ends up wrapping her arms around his waist, hips pressed to his snugly, lips searching for the curve of his neck before planting a kiss there.

Hoseok doesn’t budge, still doing as he was told, when he finally talks again: “Uh...love, I have a question.” That nickname, so incredibly cheesy for her in the past, is now the only way she can ever imagine being called by him, a few weeks after their first kiss. 

Trailing her hands over his abdomen, soothingly and teasingly, she hums. “I may have an answer. Unless it’s educational stuff, I don’t have an answer for most of those.”

Joy fills him with his laughter, captivating when he shakes his head. “I was wondering if you imagined yourself repairing cars as a job for the entirety of your life. Is this what you want to do now that you’re a racer? Like, a legit one?”

There is no judgement in his tone, but what he says has her thinking. Repairing cars has always been a passion of hers and the conclusive feeling of getting it done is exhilarating. That doesn’t mean...she would have to get a paycheck out of it forever. “...Well, most things don’t last forever either way.” She wants to say ‘nothing lasts forever’ but why is it so difficult to voice it out now? “As long as I am able to help my team with money, I would leave. If not, I’d stay.”

“You’re so caring.” Hoseok says, pulling away from the car and closing the hood with a loud thud. She continues to cling to his waist, hands sprawled over his skin, when he tumbles over to the backseat of the car. “I don’t blame you. You have your family here—Heejung cares about you as if you were her little sister.”

“That’s because I am,” She replies, aware that Heejung wouldn’t be her happiest had she known that Hoseok would be here. This fear she has of her falling in love with Hoseok is palpable through every advice that is thrown her way. 

“Aren’t you letting go of me?”

“You’re expecting me to let go of a man like this?” She asks, hearing his loud laughter when he turns around and presses his back to the car, hands trailing up and down her extended arms. Something about the warmth of him reminds her of the start of a car—once she begins, she never stops, she likes the drive, enjoys it, prolongs it… “So sweet. I literally have never met a man like you.”

“Thank you.” His eyes look down at her lips, pressing a short kiss there before sighing. “Aren’t we going to try the car?”

She raises her eyebrows at that, reaching for the handle of the car and pushing his weight forward before jutting her chin towards the backseat. “We can try the car, why not?”

The expression he gives is of absolute surprise, the tips of his ears reddening when laughter can’t help but be released. Something about Hoseok is lively, not innocent, simply adoring of the life that surrounds him and when the moments of enchantment come over to him, he wants them to exist forever. “Huh, I wonder how we’re trying the car out.”

“We’ll make sure it’s comfortable.” She teases back, taking his face in between her hands and pressing an elongated, delicate kiss, one that has her releasing a breath when she pulls away from him. “If you want, of course.”

Hoseok lifts his body from the ground, standing on his tiptoes and looking around before letting his weight fall on the cushions of the backseat. “No one is going to come here?”

“Nope.” She replies, settling her body over his and pressing a short kiss to his lips. Something about him makes her feel even more alive than usual, as if life has never been this pretty in the past. “...Do you want to?”

His hands expand on her hips, nodding his head. “I’m not sure how your customer would react if they knew—”

“They won’t know.”

“...And that’s the fun.” Hoseok says, leaning back on the seat and letting her chest collide against his, his legs dangling outside of the vehicle before letting his lips drag from hers to her jaw, nipping at the skin softly, the contact of his soft flesh against her cheeks, her jaw and her neck bringing a smile to her face. “More of a reason to want to make you my girlfriend.”

Her hands trail over his shoulders, humming in delight at the sound of his voice, her heart palpitating faster than ever now that she recognizes those words. Seriousness, commitment, things that she would have never considered in the past but now have her chuckling against all the odds. There is only one year like this one, she’ll only be able to live this moment once...and why not enjoy it to its fullest potential?

The type to go all out, she interlocks her fingers with his before nodding. “Well, make me your girlfriend, then.”

Hoseok pulls away at that, eyes twinkling when he asks: “You want to?”

“Yes...” She whispers, feeling Hoseok turn her around until her back collided against the seat, hearing his hiss when he hits his head on the roof, the atmosphere switching from deep to absolute lightweight when she cackles at his antics. “And even more for that. I like me some fun in my life.”

“Alright, alright, don’t make fun of your new boyfriend like that.” Hoseok conquers, making her smile when she looks up at him.

This age of youth doesn’t sound so bad when he is there to accompany her.

🚗

The history of secrecy is simple, easy, created by two people, four matching eyes, two eloquent minds that think outing a briefly created relationship to the world of racing seems like an unprofessional move. The argument is secure—a month of a relationship may seem like the blooming period of the honeymoon phase, the reason why there is a smile always on her face and why there may be a waltz to her step, but from this point on, Hoseok is Wonho and she is the up-and-coming racer that everyone is seemingly talking about. Attending the same event at the same time is more of a reason to pretend they don’t know each other.

Well, more like pretending like this rivalry they had is still palpable and it has not obviously translated into romantic and sexual tension, now in the form of a relationship.

So far, so good, she tells herself as she brings her bottle of soda up to her lips—a soda brand is now her sponsor, there is something about drinks that gravitate heavily towards her team. Heejung is prideful, at least, the frown that had been given to her when she admitted to her relationship with Hoseok now changed into more of a smile. Her career is going good, not skyrocketing, but definitely not staying behind, sporting better uniforms, earning more money than she ever has, leaving all headaches behind and basking into the moment. She wants to enjoy it to utter perfection.

Not to say that it has ever been easy, much less when she realizes just how quickly she has to turn into a normal public figure. Be gone the honesty that characterizes her, now exchanged for the smile on her face as she gives that fake, athlete voice that showcases her as confident and overly spectacular in ever sense. All that leaves her mouth are brand names, the more well-known the better, the higher the price the more interesting. It is something that she doesn’t get used to, but someone else definitely has done the same thing and excelled at it.

Her fingers scratch the back of her head, pressing her face to Leo’s shoulder when she lets out a raged sigh. “I’m so tired. The flashes of the cameras are ruining my vision. I feel like I can’t see from one eye,” She confesses, though she is not one to bask on what bothers her, if the sun is too hot, she’ll only learn how to get used to it. 

“Heejung, can’t we give her a break?”

“We cou—”

“No, I’m fine. I was just saying.” She finishes, lifting her face and jutting her chin out in pride before moving her head over her shoulder. “I only get an opportunity to get my dream coming true, so I’ll do my best at it.” The older woman puckers her lips up at that, staring down at her notebook before sighing deeply.

“Are you sure?” She asks, but before the racer could come up with an answer, she interrupts her. This is not a life that she is used to—behind a steering wheel, she is more at ease, controlling her own life, but the reigns of the press are taken by the masses, by the criticism, where being so much as a woman in an industry like the one she is in is already a downside, wrongly judged, stereotyped, definitely old-school and distasteful. “Listen, I love you, you know this already...but I need you to tell me when this gets to be too much.”

She walks forward, not knowing exactly where to go in this big event, where the food is too expensive to ever be worth eating and all she can do is think about sitting down in the comfort of her home and having the biggest slice of cake to celebrate another paycheck for this sponsorship. “It’s never too much for me.”

Heejung tugs at her arm, bringing her back with a serious expression on her face. “Clearly. You know I don’t like that mindset.” Though, she still moves her towards somewhere, perhaps looking for another interviewer in such a place. “I’m going to tell your little boyfriend to take care of you more often.”

“He takes care of me,  Heejung.” She adds with an eye-roll, aware of Heejung’s hatred towards the man. “You just expect me to date a carbon copy of Leo.”

“You’d be lucky.” Heejung prompts, only to click her pen against her notebook quickly. “We don’t have an interview scheduled, but I heard we’d find Mr. Hong around here—”

Her attention diverted towards the group of people in front of her, all belonging to the team of the grand Wonho. She gives a tight lipped smile to Hoseok’s manager, to which she gets no other than a nod before she has to gravitate towards looking for him. Her gaze falls on his height, his stance, how he seems to be so fitted to be in front of a camera. It loves him, just like how she can’t get him out of her brain, wanting nothing more than to wrap her arms around his waist and seek for the comfort of him, the warmth he radiates from within. 

Instead, she has to stay back, only being called when one of the reporters call for her name, making her widen her eyes as she looks between the cameras and her manager. Heejung whispers in her ear: “That’s Mr. Hong’s program. Go over there.”

“But—”

“Remember, keep the rivalry in between the two.”

No more is told until she confidently struts forward, not wanting to be seen like one to back down from anything. Once by Hoseok’s side, the cameras flash once again, the one recording pointed at the duo as a microphone gets closer to her lips. Her name is called and she can’t help but smile, this is exactly what she has dreamed about the entirety of her life. “...We were impressed by your performance in this season of the Formula One. Anything new planned?”

She leans towards the microphone, looking up at the camera with a smile on her face. “What is there not to be planned? Man, I’m going to be everywhere. You will not get to see the end of me.”

The interviewer, Mr. Hong apparently, now pushes the microphone towards Hoseok, tensing the atmosphere around them when he asks: “Wonho, we’ve seen you grow up in this field and you were beaten by a newbie in the industry. Do you think it’s safe to say you’ve been won over by a woman because of lack of preparation or because, for the first time, a woman is sufficient enough to be a racer?”

A woman, such a powerful title and yet dismissed as nothing in this athletic world. Hoseok’s lips part, looking over at her with absolute remorse, like he can’t hear those words without feeling bad for her. Though, she is not one that needs protection, instead speaking loudly, though the microphone barely captures her voice. “What the fuck does that question even mean?”

 Mr. Hong pays her no mind, instead, settled on getting an interview with Hoseok. The man sends an apologetic gaze her way and she knows Hoseok will find a way out of this. “I don’t think...It has nothing to do with her being a woman. She’s just great. We—Uh, in this industry racers have to learn that we are not endless. Sometimes, someone will win over us.”

“Doesn’t seem like there is much of a rivalry in between you two like the headlines said? Have you gotten over the comparison in between the two? Have you settled on any thoughts about her?”

She doesn’t know why those questions sting, why she suddenly wants to take the microphone and curse at everyone. They want her for the drama, for being Hoseok’s little rival, for the laughs when she gets made fun of. She raises her eyebrows, staring at the side of Hoseok’s face waiting for him to say something. He blinks quickly before a small smile appears on his face. “Uh...I think I can accept someone’s hard work and passion past whatever my thoughts are about that racer.”

“But she’s known as your arch-enemy—”

Taking the microphone in between her hands and tugging it away, she finally speaks into it to defend herself, making sure that she is making herself loud and clear. “You want entertainment? Watch the motherfucking races. I don’t need to be treated like this,” She extends her hand, pointing at the interviewer. “Yes, I am a woman. Yes, I won against Wonho. Is that your problem? Did you bet on Wonho and that’s why you’re so pissy about it? I don’t give two shits about your show, you don’t get to talk that way to me or anyone.” She replies, making sure to throw the microphone at the man’s chest before turning around, hands shaking and legs moving far too quickly as she gets out of there as soon as possible. Heejung follows right behind her, calling her name out loudly.

The patter of the rain over her uniform, her body, is enough to have her freezing when Heejung trails after her best friend. “...Honey, listen to me. Hey, come here!”

She turns around, taking Heejung by the hands and looking into her eyes. “What are you going to tell me, huh?! That I needed to be more feminine, less vulgar, more smiley? I am tired of the interviews. I don’t want to be a product if that means having to be judged by everything I do—!”

“You’ve always been judged, you know this.” Heejung tries to reason with her but she shakes her head, biting down on her bottom lip as she feels it quiver.

She always has, for being irresponsible, for taking things too lightly. “Yes, but I thought I could be myself here. I thought I’d finally be able to stop hearing the fucking scolding about how I need to change. What is there to change?”

Heejung’s fingers grasp at her arm when she is trying to leave. “We’ll figure it out. We just need to talk to them. We have to show them you’re the good one of this story—”

“No,” She says, tugging her arm away from her friend’s hold. She goes over to her car, feeling her phone vibrate inside her pocket and she reaches for it once she is inside, though she keeps the door open to talk to Heejung. “I don’t want to go back there. I’m—” She looks down at her phone, watching Hoseok’s name as he texts her again and again.

“Wait for me.”

“Love, let’s talk.”

“I’m so sorry they treated you like that.”

“I’m staying here.” She finishes after reading the text messages, leaning back on her seat and watching Heejung get dripped by the water outside. “Hoseok wants to talk to me.”

“As he should,” Heejung breathes out, patting her hand against the roof of her car. “I’ll try to fix your career out there, alright?”

“Good luck.” She adds with an eye-roll, hands fiddling with the edge of the door and closing it when Heejung runs inside, welcomed by her husband with an umbrella already opened for her.

That is the type of love Heejung has always wanted for her; trustful, honest, crafted by time. She is not sure if she deserves it, for she has never taken anyone seriously—not until Hoseok, whose life could never connect to hers, everyone would dismiss him as weak and she would be seen ike a tick trying to get the blood of her opponent. She leans back on her seat, arms crossed over her chest as she feels her head fuming with anger. Everything burns, even when it is cold, even the radio has her angry when she pushes the button to turn it off.

In the matter of seconds, the figure of Hoseok rushing under the rain towards her car is enough for her to open the door, wait for him and see him slip inside. His hair is clinging to his forehead, black strands as dark as his eyes when he stares at her.

“I’m sorry.” The promise shouldn’t be quite as infuriating, but she nods her head, dismissing it as if it was nothing that he had said. “Hey, I mean it, I am really sorry. I should have said something else but I have never been asked questions like that—”

She leans her head on her hand, letting out an enraged sigh. “It’s okay, I didn’t expect it either.” She grumbles, biting on the inside of her cheek before slapping her hand against the steering wheel softly. “I’m just tired of being seen as less than you. As if I’m worse. We shouldn’t be compared.”

Hoseok hums at that, running his hands through his hair and pushing it back. “Yeah, that’s right, because we should be equals. We are both talented.”

Something overtakes her, blinking rapidly and engaging her jaw in a tight hold when she turns to look at him. “Is that it? You also don’t think I could be better than you sometimes? That’s why you didn’t say anything?”

Hoseok’s plush lips moisten themselves, newfound anger found on his features when he speaks up. “I didn’t say that, come on. We are a couple, we should be treated as the same—”

“But it sounds like you still can’t accept the fact that I can win, as well.” Her voice grows larger in tone, staring at him in disbelief when Hoseok lets out a scoff.

“Don’t scream at me, first off, you know I don’t like it when people argue like that—”

“I am not screaming at you!”

He raises his eyebrows, biting down on his bottom lip. Something inside of him is suddenly hurt, as if blood could pour out of his body at any time.  “You know, it damn right sounds like you don’t ever want me to win a race again if you’re competing. I also have people working for me and a career to maintain, shouldn’t  we just support each other and not mix our relationship with our job?”

“Oh my God, Hoseok, I’ve won against you once. You’ve won like a hundred times—”

“I know and I’m proud of you but—”

“No, you just want more money. You already have enough, why are you so pressed about me winning against you?”

He tugs his hair in between his hands, a reminder that Heejung had told her that two fires could only grow stronger together before everything dulled out for them. “I am not saying you can’t win against me. I’m just saying that it was wrong for them to treat you like that and that you are working hard. I also will do my best, you can’t expect me not to want to race anymore because you’re now in my picture.”

She lets out an enraged breath, loud enough to push the oyxgen out of her lungs as she starts the car. “I don’t want to argue with you anymore.”

“Okay.” Hoseok says, opening the door of the car and getting out. The action makes her soul ache, so he’d choose staying instead of going with her. “I’ll let you wind up and then, we’ll talk. Text me when you get home—”

“Of fucking course, you’re going to pick going back there.” She whispers, perhaps a bit tranced on what to do. She knows part of her is wrong, but she can’t bring herself to stop talking, in self-defense mode even against someone who cares deeply about her.

“Let’s just stop arguing.” Hoseok breathes out, not closing the door yet and for that with the opportunity to reach for her lips and give her a kiss. Something inside her tells her to pull away, moving her head to the side until his lips land on her cheek, the warmth of his breath against her skin when he sighs is enough for her to feel his disappointment. “Go home safely.”

“What a thing to tell a racer.” She whispers, guilt punching her in the gut when she watches the look of sadness on his face. Hoseok gets out of the car then, closing the door and walking away from the car as if it is meaningless.

It is not, but it feels like it is.

Even through this, she continues to love him, sends him that text and decides to ease through this fight. Maybe, they’ll get to get over it.

🚗

In the span of three months, everything can change.

She’d never realized how tiny her home was until she got a bigger one. How little she got paid until she got a bigger paycheck. She had never thought twice about how easy it was to feel alive when she did racing for fun, than in comparison to now, where everything is about competing. Three months and she has won races, lost them, gotten in, gotten out, and all that has remained the same has to be Lee Hoseok. Her boyfriend, fire that has become water, the waves clashing against each other, calming her down and bringing her to a state of endless relaxation.

Not to say it’s perfect...but the arguments that could ensue die down pretty quickly. Everything does with them. The passion is no longer living for the lifespan of hours, the kisses are softer now in comparison to how strong they used to be...it has changed, like it normally does with relationships, when the honeymoon phase starts to wear off and the love remains, exists, but it isn’t quite as palpable in the air.

Sometimes, she wonders if it is the fact that they are constantly asked about each other in public, from this supposed rivalry they have, that has desensitized their relationship. It has made them dull, wore them off, they have heard enough about the other to get tired, because it feels as though they come in pairs and not the best kind. People want them to be in a constant battle; they want to have a boxing match in a racing environment, she has heard enough about him and he has heard enough about her and while they know the truth, it is also difficult.

Because there is the terrible monster that is envy in the back of her head. Not of him, but of what she wishes they could be. A normal couple, they will never be, and if the news came out there that they are dating—everyone would want to tear them apart.

They’d call them a publicity stunt.

They’d call them liars.

Why is the world so difficult sometimes?

Putting her card down, she is reminded that she is playing poker with Heejung, seated in the mechanic shop she used to work at, now too busy to work there full time. The rough concrete digs in her skin through the fabric of her leggings, watching Heejung raise her eyebrows at the card before releasing a sigh. “Well, you’re playing even worse than usual...and you’re here instead of at Hoseok’s...what’s the matter?”

The matter is that it feels like she is not wanted, not loved, and it’s so stupid because the two of them do their best to show their appreciation for the other. It feels as though she is constantly competing, wanting to be better, stronger, wanting to win, win, win. The thirst for it has led her to change, the spark of mischief long gone for something...dull. She feels like she despises racing by now. “I’ve been ignoring his calls.”

“And why’s that?” Heejung asks, seated on Leo’s lap and being the epitome of happiness. They must have had their boring days...their nights in which they didn’t want to look at each other...and they got through it.

Could she get through this?

“I don’t know,” She says, dropping the cards to her lap and rubbing her hands against her aching eyes. Everything feels to be a thousand times more stressing than it was at the beginning. On any other night, she would have said how much she loved him—because she does, with every bit of herself, and being bored of someone who you love is not the right way to go. “I’m...All we seem to talk about is racing, and you know how I’ve been feeling about that lately.”

Leo, for the first time in his life, stops siding with her as he wraps his arms around his wife’s waist. “Maybe, because that’s all you have in common with him: racing.”

No.

That’s not—

Is it?

All that has connected them was racing and while she had always wanted to have someone who understood her because they lived the same lifestyle, it had never crossed her mind that it’d be this hard. They are in the same world, being constantly compared, constantly thrown against each other in ironies in order to get them to rival. Those words must have gotten to her and while she loves him...more like she has ever loved anyone, it must come from a place in which she connects with him, merely because she feels as though she needs to love him. He’s all she ever wanted: caring, sweet, with the right amount of spice, the perfect amount of passion, given and he gives back as much as he wants.

“That’s not it.” She tries to say, though her phone is once again vibrating and she stares ahead, trying not to look at Hoseok’s name. “Why would you think that?”

“It’s not that you don’t have to have anything in common with your partner,” Leo says. “It’s that you have to have dreams together in order to build a committed relationship. You’re in the same field and constantly plotted against each other, you don’t get to get back from work and sit down with him and tell him all that happened, because you guys always know.”

“But you two work together.”

“We lived very different lives.” Heejung adds in between a laugh, turning back to look at her husband with a smile. “But on the long run, we wanted to have something together. We know we have lives outside of our romance, though. We created something together, we had the same dream.”

“...I don’t get it.” She tries to push, picking up her phone and watching as the call suddenly dissipates into the thin air. He had hung up.

“All I’m saying is that you should’ve thought about what you wanted from him before dating him.” Leo conquers, making her push her lips up in distaste.

What had she wanted?

She had wanted to win against him.

She had wanted to try the fire inside of him.

...Was a relationship ever in their plans or had they gotten too excited?

She shakes her head, standing up from the floor and dusting her leggings with her hands. She pushes Hoseok’s contact on her phone, pressing the device to her ear and waiting for him to pick up. “Well, thanks for the advice, but...I don’t know, I feel like we can make it work. We’re just...We need some...We need to breathe sometimes, that’s all.”

“Whatever you say.”

When he picks up her call, confused as to why she wouldn’t pick up, she feels bad. She feels like a villain, then again, constant in her life but now even more prominent. This is the fairytale that she had always wanted, the dream she never had, the fire she wanted to be burnt by, the passion that she always needed...why does it feel so dull? Why does it feel like the two of them are only prolonging it because they have so much love and respect for each other that they need to stay together? She doesn’t know, she simply gets inside her car and asks Hoseok to meet up with her.

Enough it is for him to welcome her with a kiss, for his arms to wrap around her, for them to try for another night to connect...even when sometimes, it feels like everything is rushed.

A second with him must be better than her youth without him.

🚗

It is a sight to remember. The light of sunshine casting down white curtains, passing through elegantly, washing his body in its illuminence, only leaving his shadow for her. One would never think of that as metaphorical, but it is. With her eyes half opened, one of them closed, jaw aching from tightening it when she is asleep, she realizes she is in her room. Sometimes, she forgets how much she had changed from the moment she met him—that man that she adores, the shadow that only shows he has put his shirt on, looking ahead to the city even at such an early moment of the morning.

He’s not one to be up early usually, much less when he is staying in, but something must have been inside his head. She remembers briefly that he had called her name and maybe, that is why she had woken up. Her limbs extend, spine rotating over itself, straightening her back and her legs, waiting for him to say something else, notice that she has finally woken up. 

He calls her once again and she groans, pressing her cheek to the pillow before releasing a few words at him, albeit sleepily:

“Yes, Hoseok, I’m here.” Sometimes, she’d say the same things when he had nightmares or when he was talking and he would ask if she’s listening. It’s mundane, the way she speaks, like how they had become. All because of the media, that press that had united them at first and now completely pulled them away.

His voice breaks, god, it hurts her head just to remember the sound of his voice when he says: “I don’t think I can do this anymore.” He voices out, cradling his own body with his hands as he speaks in a softer tone again. “I—I feel like I am boring you, and you’re boring me, too...”

He spoke it into existence, just exactly what she had been thinking, and she sighs, pushing the covers off her body and looking up at the ceiling. Losing him, her biggest fear, she doesn’t know what she will feel now that she sees him everywhere if he is no longer hers. “Well, I see where you’re coming from.” She whispers. “Why are you bored?”

“It doesn’t feel the same.” Hoseok says and she stands up, trying to reach for him but stopping herself, instead fixing her shirt and her sweatpants, the ones that had moved over her body in her sleep. “You’re always compared to me, I’m always pushed to hate you. I feel like it has strained our relationship...”

“It has.” She admits, her voice bitter when she closes her eyes tightly. “Hoseok, you’re not a boring guy. It’s—I think we just rushed through it.” Though, she can hear Heejung’s voice in her head telling her that she had told her so, but she would never regret dating him, the only man that could ever understand her fully, perhaps too much. “We were...so excited. We should have been more honest, taken more time, maybe we could have had a better foundation for our relationship.”

Finally, Hoseok turns around, sparing her a look that she would never forget. God, they look drained, devastated, as if they had given their all but it wasn’t enough. Had they never been compatible to start with? Two people that loved each other but could never be together. Four months of trying and trying… “I’m so sorry. This is my fault—”

“It isn’t.”

“It is—”

“Hoseok, we both did it. We both agreed to this.” She tries to reassure him, reaching over to him and patting her hand against his arm. She wanted to hug him, but they are on the verge of breaking up...she shouldn’t prolong this. Some stories are meant to be as short-lived as its beginning. “It’s—We didn’t know better. That happens.”

“...So...” Hoseok trails his voice, extending his hand and giving it to her. “Breaking up?”

“Breaking up.” She finishes, biting on her lip before she lets go of his hand. This was the first touch they had and their last.

When seeing him go, she realizes that her youth will probably not be as golden as it was with him, that it will be difficult to get back that spark that she used to have—that edge, though not angry, incredibly mischievous, really to enjoy life, to take over it.

From now on, she wants to enjoy everything one day at a time.

From now on, she’ll try to be more than just Wonho’s rival. The reason as to why they had broken up.