#Also turns out aziraphale can't flirt at all

[obsessedobsesser]

Are you into fanfiction? Have you written any, or do you have any favorites that you would recommend?

It may be safe to say that I have an addiction to Good Omens fan fic.

There's of course the fandom favourites (Slow Show, Factory Settings, Shotgun Wedding, Rough Enough For Love, Or Be Nice, One Night In Bangor, etc, etc) which I recommend to everyone as they are beloved by the fandom for a reason.

But, here are 10 that I've come across that others may not know of:

'Thus saith the Lord' by TheManicMagician (Teen And Up).

I read this fic on my way home from Florida sitting in an airport because our flight was delayed. I was so engrossed with it that I missed all the commotion of someone being taken off the previous flight on a stretcher. It does deal with hurt Crowley though and mind controlled Aziraphale. 10/10 would read again.

2. 'Would I Lie to You?' by FeralTuxedo & TawnyOwl95 (Explicit)

The boys are rival team captains for a show 'Don't Lie to Me" - which is based on the real life show 'Would I Lie To You?'. Lots of bicker flirting in this one. I'm a huge fan of FeralTuxedo and TawnyOwl and they do not disappoint with this fic. I devoured this.

3. 'Talk about the weather' by nightbloomingcereus (Mature)

Aziraphale is a meteorologist and Crowley is a YouTube storm chaser. I didn't know I needed this fic in my life until I read it. It's funny and heartwarming and believe me when I say that you'll fall in love with the story and the characters.

4. 'Honey, You'll Survive' by HotCrossPigeon (Teen and Up)

Look, sometimes I just like to see Crowley hurt and being taken care of by Aziraphale. This scratches that itch. The writing is so good and they capture the characters really well.

5. 'The Sandford Flower Show' by Mussimm (Explicit)

I am literally so shocked I do not see this fic pop up as often as it should. The plot in this is GENIUS. IT IS SO GOD DAMN GOOD. Crowley takes Aziraphale to a flower show and they meet Mephistopheles, a fallen seraph. Because our boys are idiots, shenanigans ensue. Seriously. Go read this.

6. 'Trial & Error' by fellshish (Explicit)

Crowley is on trial for temping an Angel (Aziraphale). I just read this one about a month and a half ago and I honestly can't get it out of my mind. The writing is hilarious and keeps you enraptured throughout it all. I also really adore how fellshish writes Crowley and Aziraphale. Their other fic The Loophole, or, How to Convince a Demon God Exists in Three Easy Steps is also amazing :)

7. 'The Shared Desk Dilemma' by MissUnderstoodLyrics (Explicit)

Crowley and Aziraphale are both teachers at Eden University who are forced to share a desk. A prank war ensues. As you can expect, this is a enemies to lovers fic and who doesn't love one of those?

8. 'Big Name Feelings' and 'And They Were Streamers' by ghostrat (Explicit / Mature)

BNF just finished a few days ago and it's such a cute fic. It's a fandom au where Crowley is a fic writer and Aziraphale is an artist. ATWS - as it says on the tin, the boys are streamers and live together. I absolute adore anything written by ghostrat.

9. 'how do we turn on the light?' by moonyinpisces (Explicit)

Honestly, I just know that this will be up there on my list with Factory Settings once it's finished (mainly because it already is). It's SO GOOD. It takes place after S2 and the second coming is happening. I really don't want to even give much away because I want everyone to read this. Everything about it is GENIUS.

10. 'Sit Tight, Take Hold' by nieded (Explicit)

I legit just finished this fic on Sunday but it has moved up to my must read list for anyone who is looking for GO fan fiction. The boys are Formula 1 drivers and the drama in this is *chef kiss*. For context, this fic is 150K words. I finished this fic in 2 days. It really is THAT good. It's also part of a series called #RAINBOWROAD so once you finish this fic, there is more to read!

This is only the tip of the iceberg of my ever growing list of GO fics.

Thanks for the ask :)

[grey-and-green]

Ineffable (pre-2000's) Timeline

Before the Beginning 

We don’t know how long before The Beginning this was, or how long they may have known each other in ‘heaven’ before Eden. We don’t know if one (or both) of them had their memory of the other erased (I think there's quite a lot of speculation about this, so I can't link just one example).  

Angel!Crowley is the most adorable thing in all creation, but he asks some very innocent and appropriate questions and Aziraphale is scared for him (and maybe scared of him?) 

Crowley shelters Aziraphale with their wing. Adorable. Love it. 

4004 BC: Eden 

Aziraphale gives away his flaming sword in his first official act of doing-good-against-God’s-wishes and Crowley immediately fucking eats it up.

"You're an angel, I don't think you can do the wrong thing" is well-intentioned but probably sets up a less-than-helpful anchoring point for Aziraphale's morality (see various points below about Aziraphale's moral evolution trajectory and rationalising Heaven's actions).

Aziraphale shelters Crowley from the rain (and the best part is that Crowley moves in, closer to Aziraphale, BEFORE Aziraphale puts his wing up. Fucking lovebirds. Ridiculous) 

3004 BC: The Flood 

Crowley seeks out Aziraphale at the flood. Essentially just shows up to flirt.

Aziraphale clearly doesn’t like the flood-and-death plan but he also isn’t ready to speak negatively about God. He defends the flood as “not that bad” and goes all “no comment” about killing kids (because he can’t actually defend that bit). Not a huge fan of heaven already by this point, but either too brainwashed or too scared (or both) to actively say anything non-conforming out loud.

Crowley is appalled by the idea of killing children, has always been a rebellious little cinnamon roll.

“You still have one [unicorn]” implies that Crowley either doesn’t know the point of the Ark (unlikely, he didn’t show up here by chance) or he doesn’t know about the birds and the bees. (Is it at all possible that Bildad The Professional Cobbler/Midwife still didn’t know what sex and childbirth were? No solid evidence that he had any plan other than pulling the ribs out. He’s so stupid)

(Theory: Others have considered that this meeting was more involved than what we’ve been shown so far because 1- by the Job incident Aziraphale is real damn convinced that Crowley won’t hurt the kids and 2- “sudden rainstorm forces them together under a canopy” doesn’t actually fit with either of the times our lovebirds sheltered the other under their respective wings, because neither time was sheltering “together”. So maybe this sudden rainstorm is what Crowley is actually referencing and there’s more here we haven’t seen). (Theory 2.0 is this wildly long meta that basically is a dissertation on why the kissed during the Flood and I’m here for it).

2500 BC: The Job Incident 

Ugh, I love this episode. Nothing but endless love for our baby Bildad.  

Appears to be a chance meeting between them.

They BOTH DEFY ORDERS to save the children.  

When the bird-goats make a noise, Crowley turns around before Aziraphale says anything. He was HOPING that Aziraphale would catch on, he was baiting his Angel to see that he was going to save the kids. Which, I mean, we all already know Crowley is a softie and he’s not really tried that hard to hide it from Aziraphale in the history we’ve seen so far, so…tone down the evil demon cosplay, babe. We’re past that.

Crowley saving the kids isn’t surprising. But we actually have a big jump for Aziraphale here. When we originally only had the Flood and the Crucifixion in S1, the evolution of Aziraphale’s “defence” of Heaven seems subtle and slow between those two short scenes. But throwing this epic story in the middle? Genuinely a MASSIVE shift from rationalising Heaven’s plans for the flood to assuming he knows what God is thinking + actively collaborating with a demon and trusting a demon more than his fellow angels + willing to be literally damned to save three random kids. (Could easily argue that this seeming anachronism in Aziraphale’s arc [along with Bildad’s stupid hair] makes it all the more plausible that there is a magic trick happening here).

Aziraphale says that Crowley is “technically” a demon. (I see what you’re getting at there. I see you, Aziraphale) 

Aziraphale tries human food for the first time. Odd sexual tension. I won’t elaborate.

When Aziraphale is sitting by the ocean, he’s waiting to be punished and thinks that’s why Crowley came over. But Crowley doesn’t know this. He was just coming over to spend more time with Aziraphale for totally platonic reasons.

Crowley has the chance to take Aziraphale to hell as a demon, and declines (hmmm, foreshadowing us all getting our hearts ripped out a few short episodes later???) 

Crowley’s appearance: people have speculated on why they look so different here compared to the Flood and the Crucifixion. My theory is that the other to flashbacks (seen in S1) are Crowley going about her life and just popping in to flirt with Aziraphale, whereas with Job, Crowley is showing up to work. The Bildad getup is a work outfit, demon cosplay. Long hair and no sunglasses is Crowley being himself, and silly hair silly glasses is creating a character to play while hiding his eyes because humans are around AND he’s vulnerable when hell is watching.

Bonus happy thought: when they get the kids in the cellar they start bickering like an old married couple/BLATANTLY flirting and the kids are just...so confused. Fucking delightful.  

33 AD: Crucifixion 

Crowley seeks out Aziraphale.  

Crowley has changed their name.  

By this time, when Crowley says “Heaven’s being a bit shitty” Aziraphale doesn’t actually defend Heaven? “I’m not consulted on policy decisions” is much closer to “I know they’re awful but I can’t change anything” as opposed to trying to rationalise that heaven must, by default, be good. (See note above about Aziraphale’s non-linear moral evolution).

Not much else here except Crowley looking their absolute most gorgeous in all of history.  

41 AD: Rome 

Crowley having a bad day. A lot of people have written about how after the Crucifixion and everything else that has happened so far, baby bean is fucking disillusioned as all hell.  

Crowley makes obvious ploy to get Aziraphale to ask him on a date, and it works. Delightful.  

Bonus happy thought: the little pins each of them is wearing on their togas? The fucking angel wings and the snake? Nothing but love for the Good Omens costume department.

537 AD: Wessex knights

No idea if they’ve met between Rome and now, but I’m pretty sure they have? Aziraphale recognizes Crowley’s voice immediately, I feel like they’ve talked sometime (oodles of times?) in the previous 500 years.  

Proposed Arrangement. Aziraphale very dramatically declines for corporate reasons. Not so much “working together is wrong” but that “working together is against the rules”.  

Could possibly argue that this feels like a step backwards for Aziraphale since the Job incident. But I think, no? With Job, the stakes were high and they were literally saving innocent lives. Here, The Arrangement is presented more like cheating on homework. Like, this is just a report for work, I’m not going to risk being reprimanded for something trivial like faking a sick day. Because Aziraphale still wants Heaven’s (God’s) approval quite badly: he’ll risk his life to save human lives, but not to save himself a trek to a castle.

1601: Globe Theatre 

By the now The Arrangement is well established. Aziraphale puts up a very lazy fight against it, but caves almost immediately.  

We can see already that Aziraphale is concerned that Crowley could get in trouble over their relationship, but I don’t think he has really realized how much danger Crowley is in? Like, if he genuinely thought destruction was on the line, he might have protested more. But it’s still important here that Aziraphale is concerned with Crowley’s safety above his own.  

I believe Aziraphale asked Crowley to meet up at the theatre from what Crowley says about “you said we would blend in with the crowds”.  

Bonus happy thought: I’ve seen people speculate about whether the coin toss was rigged. I choose to believe they BOTH rigged it so that Aziraphale would go to Scotland bc Crowley didn’t want to go, and Aziraphale knows that Crowley can’t ride a horse so was totally keen to save him from that ordeal.  

1650: not shown

Something happens and Aziraphale does the “I was wrong” dance 

I wrote elsewhere that this could be a promise of something we will be shown in Season 3 -OR- it could be a Clue that memories are missing (see The Magic Trick You Didn’t See)

Also, despite all the wonderful suggestions people have from actual history about what these two might have gotten mixed up in in 1650, my personal prediction is that if we see this in Season 3, the actual Thing that led to the dance will be extremely trivial, like Aziraphale knocks over Crowley's drink or something.

1793: The Bastille 

Aziraphale gets himself in a damsel-in-distress situation and Crowley “has to” save him. Obvious ploy to go on a date. Flawless.

Crowley is clearly following Aziraphale around, since he showed up at exactly the right time. Zero coincidence detected.

Aziraphale has absolutely no issue with the executioner being beheaded in his place. Bit ruthless to sacrifice a random stranger for the cause of taking your crush out to lunch.

At some point, Aziraphale does the “I was wrong” dance here. Hopefully over crepes.  

1827: Scotland 

Crowley essentially just takes Aziraphale on a date to a graveyard. Such a mood.  

Some obvious moral struggles for Aziraphale starting to realize that good and bad are not black and white and that extenuating circumstances exist.  

Whether or not you believe that this memory was tampered with, when Morag is dying, Aziraphale essentially asks for Crowley’s moral guidance. He could have just healed Morag, but he defers to Crowley for ?permission...I don’t know for sure, but it feels significant that he wants Crowley’s approval here before doing ‘good’. That has to mean something.  

“Last I saw of him for some time” is, at most, 35 years between here and St James Park, which means they are meeting up a lot more frequently now. We’re not regularly going decades/centuries between dates anymore. 

Edit: As others have noted, the wording in this diary entry is actually odd because when Aziraphale is writing this, he MUST have already seen Crowley again for that last bit to make sense. Which means we actually probably have quite a lot of “us time” between the Elsbeth flashback and St James park.

1862: St James Park 

Likely Definitely not the first time they have met up since the Scotland flashback (see edit above).

I THINK this is the first time we see Aziraphale’s personal tartan show up? He’s now officially created his own clan on Earth and is NOT wearing the official tartan of heaven. He later gives this tartan to Crowley which is Significant. 

Since our last meeting, Crowley has been dragged back to Hell and, presumably, punished, for what he did with Elsbeth/Morag. (The time spent in Hell was likely not necessarily a LONG time but still seems like it was a sobering event for Crowley where he seems to catch up with Aziraphale about how much danger they might be in).

Crowley asks for the holy water because he now realizes that he may need to protect himself (and Aziraphale?) from Hell if and when they figure out the scope of his ‘breach of the infernal code’ and retaliate.

1941: London Blitz 

Accepted by fans as likely the first time they have met up since the breakup in St James Park. As with the Bastille scene, it’s very clear that Crowley has been keeping track of Aziraphale (if not actively just following him around).

Obviously, canonically, the moment when Aziraphale realizes he is in love with Crowley.

Immediately after this realization, Aziraphale also realises how much Crowley is at risk from Hell by continuing to associate with him. This does not stop them from having a romantic glass of wine back at the bookshop.

Photograph of Crowley and Aziraphale exists, no clues as to what happens to it/who keeps it after the events of this night. I hope it’s in the photo album that I assume Aziraphale keeps with his diaries and little drawings of Crowley he’s made over the millennia.

At some point, presumably on this same night, Aziraphale does the “I was wrong” dance, but we don’t get to see that. Yet.

(Side note: I feel like by this point in their relationship, it’s really got to sting when Aziraphale assumes Crowley is the cause of whatever horrific thing humans are doing. I mean, what in the past 6,000 years would point to Crowley wanting to actually help nazis? It’s not funny anymore, Aziraphale, stop re-traumatising your boyfriend with baseless accusations.)

1967: Soho Heist 

Crowley plans the heist in the pub that is literally across the road from Aziraphale’s book shop 

Aziraphale finally gives Crowley holy water – whether this is because he’s actually worried about the danger of the heist, or if he has just come to his senses about the fact that Crowley is in mortal danger from Hell and may actually need a way to escape them if things go pear-shaped, or whether he’s just acts-of-love reaching out....could speculate for days on that.

He gives Crowley the holy water in a thermos with his personal tartan on it. 100% on their own side. Adorable.

Aziraphale isn’t wearing his bow tie in this scene. He still has his tartan, but he’s wearing it as a cravat instead, with his shirt unbuttoned at the top. I genuinely don’t know what this is supposed to mean, but the costume department is too good for it to be random. (It supposed to be flirty? Like, ooh, top button undone, basically naked? And that just necessitated losing the bow tie? Is there sartorial symbolism here about a cravat vs bow tie that I’m missing? Tell me what’s going on!?!)

“You go too fast for me” (ugh, gutted every time) 

Additional event: year unknown

In their earlier flashbacks, we see them travelling the world for their jobs.

At some point they both end up permanently stationed in London.

My assumption is - that originally it was just the two of them on earth, possibly for thousands of years. Then their territory was limited to the British Isles, and eventually, when there were too many “oodles” of humans, they both ended up just looking after London.

So, who was assigned to London first? Because it’s not a blind coincidence they’re both specifically in London - one got assigned to the London first and the other one deliberately FOLLOWED.

I am still updating this as I re-watch and read other folks’ posts.

These are mostly my observations with a few additional things thrown in that I’ve seen people discuss already here on Tumblr. I will try to link to them best I can, but my Good Omens saved posts are massive and I’m not sure I can find all the original posts who's theories I’ve mentioned here

[vidavalor]

Can you share another horny homophone? Count me obsessed with Ineffable Husbands Speak.

Same, obviously. I can do that. Since "ma tante"/"my tente" was Aziraphale, here are a couple from Crowley this time:

To be bored/board and wrath/wroth

We know that when Aziraphale is hungry for sex, he ironically busts out this word below that means that one could go for a little snack:

And we also know that Crowley sees this as the most Aziraphale word that has ever Aziraphale worded because he was all oh babe really this one? in response to it in 1793:

His attitude is a bit: We're doing this now? We're calling it "peckish"? I mean, it meets the food-related criteria for a sexual euphemism in our wordplay and it's also funny as hell, since you have never eaten just a little bit of food once in all your days, and it's even got this weird, bird-like bit of hilarity to it but I can't do it. It's fine for you but there is no way on this Earth that I am ever going to tell you I feel like sex by saying that I'm feeling "peckish"...

This is not a Crowley-ish word.

So, what does he say then? What's the Crowley version of "peckish"? It's a homophone and it's...

To be "bored/board" (in Ineffable Husbands Speak). The Crowley version of "peckish", which is a word that is fine for Aziraphale but which Crowley is never going to use in all his days.

To be bored is to lament the fact that you are lacking in stimuli and activity and to be stuck in a temporary dearth of anything interesting happening. A homophone for "bored" in English is "board", which has several different meanings that are amusing in an Ineffable Husbands-y way-- much like "wily", "thwart", "smitten", "explode", etc..

A board in one bit of common usage today is a plank of wood-- as in, "honey, I'm going to Lowe's to grab some more boards for our home improvement project" but, inevitably, since you're all such wonderfully dirty-minded little skamps, your minds also went to the sexual euphemism for having an erection. As such, Crowley can speak aloud one sound-- like Aziraphale did with "tante"/"tente"-- and have it mean two different words at once and "board" has additional meanings that meet the criteria for being a word in Ineffable Husbands Speak... like its food-related one.

One of the original meanings of "board" is a table that is set for a meal. As in, "he was ravenously hungry when he returned to the house and sighed with pleasure at the board before him." The board, in this case, would be a table laid with food that was ready to eat. A more modern version of this kind of usage is less the whole table set up for a meal but more if I were to go fill a plank of wood or a stone slab or a platter with various deli meats, cheeses, olives, breads/crackers, etc., what have I made? A charcuterie board.

Additionally, a "board" can be used to mean those working as a small collective to make decisions and direct an organization-- as in, "she sits on the board of directors of the company"-- and is then a nod towards their healthy sexual power balance. More euphemistically, as a verb, you "board" modes of transportation-- like planes, buses, trains, ships... the latter two of which we've already seen Crowley and Aziraphale turn into sexual innuendo.

Ships are related to the sea and feature into Aziraphale's drunk innuendo around The Kraken and his more detailed Biblically-inspired dirty talk in the "seeds of destruction" scene. Trains are what Crowley parries back with after Aziraphale turned The Bentley and the bookshop into a sexual metaphor for Crowley and himself when teasing control freak Crowley about how he has been letting Aziraphale drive his car for centuries but is having a whole meltdown about letting him drive the actual, literal car.

While you "sail on" a ship and "fly" on a plane, in the cases of most other forms of transportation-- including the two Crowley and Aziraphale are flirting about in S2, cars and trains-- you, of course, "board" one to ride it to a destination. If you wish to board a mode of transportation, you wish to go somewhere-- you're bored and need to board. And you've a whole board of delicious-sounding meal options circling around in your mind lol.

So, Crowley can make one sound and it encapsulates two words with collective meanings of lacking in stimuli while being hard up/horny and fantasizing about a whole damn charcuterie board of sexual options.

Crowley can tell what Aziraphale means by his tone of voice and the reasons Aziraphale calls Crowley, according to Crowley in 2.01, are that there's a "something's wrong" emergency (which is what this scene in 2.01 is), that he has to tell him about something clever he did and can't wait the short amount of time until he sees Crowley next to tell him (which is so married and is also what happens when Aziraphale can't wait to tell Crowley how good a job he's doing managing his trauma in Edinburgh by having gone to the spot by the Gabriel statue), or that he's "bored"/"board"-- he's restless, lacking in stimuli, very peckish and wants to mess around (which is Good Omens: Lockdown).

Aziraphale: I just called to see how you were doing during lockdown.

Crowley: I'm bored... so *very, very*... *board*. *Transcendentally* (homophone) bored/board...

Maggie and Nina partner scene, in which they are locked down together, and Nina's a bit of a bitch but also kinda not wrong about physical media shops as unlikely targets for robbery:

Aziraphale: ...except for the other night, when (salacious tone of voice) *a few young lads* broke in and (faux-innocent tone of voice) tried to steal the cashbox! (mischievous, innuendo-laden tone of voice) But they soon saw the error of their ways.

Crowley: Did you smite them with your (homophone) wrath/wroth?

Wrath: righteous fury; of an angel, in Biblical terms. Pronounced by people with a moneyed English accent like Crowley's as "wroth", for some weird fluke of language/reasons no one is really sure on, probably because it sounds posh. *shrug* However, 'wroth' is a word itself...

Wroth: like 'wrath', means extreme anger... but is also the past tense of 'writhe'

To writhe: to make continuous twisting movements of the body; to thrash; to flail; to twist and turn. Frequently used to describe the movements of a body experiencing sexual pleasure or an orgasm.

[See also, other kinds of writhe-related wordplay: to founder vs. to flounder ("Seeds of Destruction" scene) and to get a wiggle on vs. to get a wriggle on (Discorporated!Aziraphale scene), when I finish metas on Fish and Seeds.]

Crowley: Did you smite them with your *wroth*?

Meaning: Did you discipline your imaginary burglars, angel-- is that where this one's going? Did they become smitten with you from your smiting-- all three young, strapping, muscled, cash-starved members of the local university crew team, I'd imagine?

[tenderlywicked]

Good Omens fanfiction rec list

Is it time for me to start another rec list? Hell yeah!

NEW All Lines Are Open by FeralTuxedo, TawnyOwl95

Summary:

Anthony Crowley, bored host of a trite call-in radio show on Tadfield FM, has very few pleasures in life beyond annoying his long-suffering producer Aziraphale. When a caller reports suspicious activity at the abandoned Tadfield Manor, Crowley is determined to investigate, dragging Aziraphale along. Both of them are going to get more than they bargained for.

A local radio AU

NEW And the Devil Makes Three by stereobone

Summary:

"Are you…" Crowley holds the word on his tongue a moment. "…jealous of Satan?"

"Now that would be just ridiculous," Aziraphale says.

But he doesn't say no.

Be Ye Therefore Merciful by AmberDiceless

Summary:

(2005) Crowley does something utterly unexpected, and Aziraphale must face an opponent who cannot be thwarted. Hints of pre-A/C.

Chemistry by Twilightcitysky

Summary:

Aziraphale and Crowley have been living among humans for 6000 years, but there have always been parts of the human experience they've chosen to avoid (like allergies, head colds, and having to use the loo).

They've also never let hormones get in the way of making rational decisions, because they didn't have any hormones to speak of.

That's all about to change.

Connectivity Issues by maniacalmole

Summary:

One minute and twenty-three seconds before the whole mess began, Aziraphale received a message.

"Heaven and Earth are currently experiencing connectivity issues.

Miracles may be temporarily unable to function.

We appreciate your patience while we work to resolve this matter."

Aziraphale instantly got a headache.

Demonology and the Tri-Phasic Model of Trauma: An Integrative Approach by Nnm

Summary:

As soon as Aubrey Thyme, psychotherapist, had opened her office door and seen her new client, Anthony J. Crowley, sitting in her waiting area, she was observing and assessing him. At first glance, she paid attention to the following:

--His clothing was expensive and stylish;

--He wore very strange but noticeable cologne;

--His relationship to the seat he occupied could only, very loosely, be described as “sitting;”

--He looked angry;

--He was wearing sunglasses.

What Aubrey Thyme, a professional, thought, upon first seeing her new client was: you’re going to be a fun one, aren’t you?

Factory Settings by Anonymous

Summary:

Crowley gets reinstated as an angel.

First Thing In The Morning by FeralTuxedo

Summary:

Aziraphale Fell, erstwhile nerd, now successful fantasy author, is signing books at this year’s Heaven and Earth convention when he spots a red-headed man in the crowd. Someone he hasn’t quite been able to forget since his school days. And as luck would have it, Anthony Crowley, former troublemaker, now responsible adult, seems keen to reconnect.

Gently, gently by what_a_writer_wields

Summary:

Heaven is cold and lonely. Hell is filthy and crowded. Aziraphale badly needs to be touched; Crowley needs fresh air, and light, and space. They can’t seem to connect on days after they’ve returned from their respective head offices.

NEW If Not Now, When by ineffablefool

Summary:

Anthony Crowley has learned by now that anything that makes him happy will be temporary at best. His quietly desperate routine is challenged when he happens to strike up a conversation with a customer at work, and he starts realizing three things, in this order: 1. oh huh this Aziraphale guy is actually interesting; 2. he can't stop embarrassing himself by accidentally flirting with him; and 3. oh no this Aziraphale guy is actually extremely attractive what do I do.

NEW I'm the treasure baby, I'm the prize by stereobone

Summary:

"Are you working for Mrs. Sandwich?" Nina asks.

"No," Crowley says. "Well, yes. Well, define 'working'."

--

Or, Crowley is very good at faking sex work, as it turns out.

Improvement Day by Twilightcitysky

Summary:

The time has come for Improvement Day, Heaven's decennial work retreat. The angels posted to Earth are relieved of their terrestrial assignments and join middle management in attempting to improve organizational operations right across the board. Typical activities include name games, trust falls, client-facing skill role play, and miracle budget workshops. It's loathed by all the Earth operatives- but particularly by Aziraphale, who always finds himself unable to fit in (no matter how many icebreakers there are).

This year, an angel no one quite remembers seeing before is on a mission to befriend Aziraphale, but it seems that the odds are against him. He has to contend with a networking-obsessed Gabriel and an unabashedly flirtatious colleague; Michael thinks he might be the next big thing in parsimonious celestial energy handling; and Sandalphon is sure he's seen him somewhere before. Meanwhile, Aziraphale's angry with him for showing up, the gold paint on his cheeks is flaking, losing a contact lens would mean a quick discorporation at the hands of four dozen angels, and isn't this just the story of Crowley's life?

The Injury Of Finally Knowing You by unpack_my_heart_with_words (WIP)

Summary:

Once in heaven, the angels do what they always do— a kindness.

The only blessing is that without his memories,

Aziraphale has no idea what he has lost.

Invoke by AlatusNora

Summary:

“Angel, can you stand?” Aziraphale blinked, but the world didn’t want to stick together. “Aziraphale, can you stand?”

He frowned. Confused. “Cro– Crowley?”

The demon shushed him with a hiss. “We need to go.”

Go? He hesitated, wavering. “Where?” He didn’t want to move.

But Crowley was insistent, tugging at his arm. “We’re going to get you home, promise.”

————————

In which Aziraphale is kidnapped, and Crowley mounts a one demon rescue mission to see his angel safely home.

The Loneli(ness) of a Wild Loch by Kedreeva

Summary:

Crowley has long enjoyed his peaceful, human life as the owner of a local pub on the shore of the Loch Ness. The only problem is that it's all a lie, and Aziraphale - the new cryptozoologist in town - has come to find the truth.

A Lot of Love and a Little Bit Dumb by LollipopCop

Summary:

Crowley came right out with it. “I want to love you so badly,” he confessed, his voice weak. “I really wish I could,” he said earnestly, his chest aching.

Aziraphale’s face fell into utter anguish and he gasped, a hand flying to his chest. “Oh, Crowley,” he said sorrowfully. “My dear, after 6,000 years, how can you be this stupid?”

Crowley stared at him, dumbfounded. That...was unexpected.

~

Crowley feels horribly guilty because he believes that he, as a demon, is incapable of loving Aziraphale back. At least one of them has an ounce of common sense...

Never Have I Ever (Been Myself) by FeralTuxedo

Summary:

Aziraphale Fell, BAFTA-winning actor of stage and screen, is bored. Bored of playing middle-aged divorcees in dull BBC dramas. Bored of answering the same questions on chat shows and breakfast television. Bored of keeping the real him hidden away.

So when the opportunity presents itself to collaborate with up-and-coming rock band Witching Hour, he takes it, against his own common sense and the condescending advice of his agent. Witching Hour’s mysterious guitarist Crowley, flame-haired, moody, and a good fifteen years his junior, certainly seems worth the risk.

A human actor/rock star AU.

Notoriety by RC_McLachlan

Summary:

As it turns out, Aziraphale has a bit of a reputation in Heaven.

"I-I beg your pardon? The Demon Tempter?"

Zadkiel gives an enthusiastic nod and leans forward. "I didn't come up with the name, but you have to admit it's rather clever! Because, you know. It's usually demons doing the tempting, but this time it's you! Tempting demons. Well, one demon."

"I don't—tempt." He doesn't technically possess a trachea at the moment, but it feels as though he does. One with something lodged rather firmly in it. "I've never—"

"You know what I mean." They wave their hands between the two of them in some vague gesture he doesn't understand. "You make the demon think you're on his side, that you love him back, and then BAM! You pull the rug out from under him, leaving him utterly devastated. And because he never learns, it just keeps happening over and over! It's monstrously funny. Wherever did you get the idea?"

One Night In Bangor (And the World's Your Oyster) by Atalan

Summary:

"All right, I know I'm going to regret asking this," Aziraphale says. "What exactly does this wager entail?"

Crowley grins like the cat that not only got the cream but has absconded with the entire cow. He grabs the bottle and swigs straight from it despite Aziraphale's tut of disapproval.

 "The pot goes to whichever demon can get an angel into bed by the end of the evening."

 AKA The Fic That Tumblr Made Me Write. Heaven and Hell share a corporate party once per millennium. This time someone's had the bright idea of issuing a challenge to the demons of Hell. Crowley has no intention of missing the opportunity; Aziraphale's just enough of a bastard to make him work for it.

Or Be Nice by charlottemadison

Summary:

Crowley and Aziraphale are neighbours. And...it does not go at all well, until it does.

A human AU in which Aziraphale is a bookseller, Crowley is a drummer, and they are both petty disasters in the worst/best way.

+++

“So what’s your deal?”

“My-my-my deal?” Aziraphale stammered. “I’m a bookseller, is my deal.”

“Oh,” Crowley replied, sounding as uninterested as it was possible to sound.

“It’s just, I couldn’t help overhearing, and --” Aziraphale swallowed hard. “You really are an accomplished musician. But I thought -- for after 11PM -- perhaps we could reach some arrangement?”

“Arrangement?”

Aziraphale felt his his smile turning forced. “Such as, perhaps, playing the drums *before* eleven? Instead of after?”

Crowley stared blankly at him. In fact he stared for so long that Aziraphale briefly wondered if he'd lapsed into ancient Greek again, which he was known to do in bad dreams or during panic attacks.

The Pillow Fort by Kalimyre

Summary:

Chronically touch-starved, Crowley decides to try one of those "professional cuddling" places. Aziraphale volunteers there for reasons of his own. Crowley gets attached far too quickly, but it's not as one-sided as he thinks.

A prize-winning philodendron by Elsajeni

Summary:

Crowley comes back three days later with a larger pot, a bright leafy vine spilling from it. “Here,” he says, brandishing the pot at Aziraphale. “It’s unkillable.”

“You mean you’ve done something to it,” Aziraphale accuses, inspecting the plant. It doesn’t seem obviously miracled, but...

“No,” Crowley says in a tone of enormous patience, “I mean it’s a philodendron.”

Put Out The Fire by Aleakim

Summary:

Aziraphale finds himself in a very awkward position as some sort of spell makes everyone merely glancing in his direction instantly fall deeply and desperately in love with him.

Absolutely everyone.

Well, apart from Crowley, that is.

And while both angel and demon search for a solution to this fairly unique problem, Crowley can’t help wondering whether Aziraphale might finally figure out some things he kept hidden for so very long.

Reflect What You Are by OwenAnnwn

Summary:

It's a year after the almost-apocalypse. Aziraphale makes Crowley go see a therapist.

“Have you been having any issues in particular?”

“Issues? Such as?”

“You tell me.” She could tell he had something on the tip of his tongue.

Crowley sat for a second, then blurted out, “He thinks I’ve been sleeping too much. He’s worried.”

The Rose and the Serpent by Atalan

Summary:

AU, retelling of “Beauty and the Beast”. Quite honestly, sending Aziraphale off into the forest to be held hostage by a giant snake in a cursed castle isn’t even the worst thing Gabriel’s ever done to him, and at least it means a change of scene. But then neither the snake nor the castle turn out to be quite what he’s expecting…

Rough Enough for Love by Nekhen

Summary:

“So, let me get this straight,” Crowley said, dragging that r a little for best effect. “Your librarian asks for an escort, and the first person you think of is me?”

When tabloid reporter Anthony Crowley gets roped into posing as the loving partner of their intern’s fussy librarian friend for an infernal wedding in the country, he has an inkling that he won’t come out of that little spot of bother unscathed. There is more to Aziraphale than meets the eye, and soon Crowley will discover that relationships are not for the faint of heart.

NEW Seamstress of Soho by GayDemonicDisaster (scrapheapchallenge)

Summary:

When Mrs. Sandwich spots a suspicious new guy apparently lurking on her turf, the misunderstanding leads to an unlikely friendship between the ‘seamstress’ and a demon.

Stay Here by maniacalmole

Summary:

Aziraphale gives up his shop for a good cause, but that means he needs somewhere to temporarily stay. And there's really only one person he could ask to store his most treasured possessions. Temporarily, of course.

Stitch Me Up by Get_Wrexed (unfinished, but good as it is)

Summary:

Dr. Aziraphale Fell is newly appointed as the Chief of the A&E (ER) at Celestial Harmonies Hospital in Lambeth, London. The crowd is a much different one than the patients that gathered at his previous place of work in the South Downs- and his coworkers are perhaps the oddest of all. Emergency physician Gabriel Winger seems to think Dr. Fell has robbed him of a position that was rightfully his. Beatrix Bealz, the trauma surgeon on call, doesn't look or act like a surgeon at all. And then there's that strange Head Nurse Crowley. So stand-offish with his coworkers. So sweet with the patients. A mystery, all together. Aziraphale can't help but want to solve that mystery- what physician can resist one?

Talk About It by hope_in_the_dark

Summary:

Aziraphale and Crowley have been best friends for sixteen years. Crowley's been in love with Aziraphale for almost that long. When Aziraphale tells his family that he'll be bringing his boyfriend to his step-brother's wedding, things get a bit complicated.

A Fake Dating AU.

Time After Time by iamtheenemy (Steph)

Summary:

“Ha!” Crowley said, pointing one of those long index fingers in Aziraphale’s face. “That wasn’t yesterday! That was Monday!”

It's the day after Crowley and Aziraphale thwarted their respective home offices and saved the world - and it keeps being that day again and again and again.

NEW Trial & error by fellshish

Summary:

The Metatron brings in the demon Crowley to stand trial in Heaven. For tempting an angel. Uhhhh. Awkward.

Vita Nova by AMidnightDreary

Summary:

“Angel, bloody hell. Hi. You doing okay? Do you have any idea what’s going on?”

It was quiet for a few seconds.

“I’m sorry,” Aziraphale said then, still polite, but a bit perplexed. “Who is this?”

Crowley, upon finding that Aziraphale does not remember him, is very much Not Okay with the changes Adam made after the Apocalypse That Wasn't. He can't do anything but try and make the best out of it, though.

Would I Lie to You? by FeralTuxedo, TawnyOwl95

Summary:

Anthony Crowley and Aziraphale Fell are rival team captains on popular comedy panel show Don't Lie To Me, where they exchange insults and banter to an audience of millions. But behind the scenes, a whole other game of truth and lies is being played.

A comedy panel show AU

Yes and Please and Thank You by WyvernQuill

Summary:

"Go to alpha centauri, for all I care! Go now, this very instant, and never return, do you hear me, Crowley? Never!"

Due to Crowley's firm conviction that "he need never know", Aziraphale has, for all the time they've known each other, been blissfully unaware of the obedience curse Crowley's been looping holes around since 4004 BC.

You can't really blame him, is the point. Aziraphale had no idea what his unthinking words might do, and is already planning to apologise profusely at dinner...

...which might get a little tricky, seeing as Crowley has just been sighted in the vicinity of Pluto, and has concrete orders to never show his face on earth.

Ever.

Again.

You're a dream, darling by Somedrunkpirate

Summary:

There are two very important facts:

1) Aziraphale is dead.

2) None of this is real.

-----

Crowley’s throat tightens. “My angel,” he says. “My best friend. He’s dead, you know.”

Aziraphale blinks and then blood drains from his face. “No, no. Crowley. No. I’m here. I’m right in front of you.”

“I know,” Crowley says. “Isn’t it amazing, what a dream can do?”

[purplewillowchicken]

1941

Post shades of grey.... Maybe why Aziraphale thinks Crowley goes to fast for him.

They sat in companionable silence sipping the Châteauneuf du Pape. Crowley relaxed a little more, loosening his tie and sliding a bit further down in his seat. Aziraphale stole a glance at him and the faintest beginnings of a smile crept across Crowley's lips. He put down his wine glass and took off his hat. Without looking, he threw it behind him and the hat landed obediently on a statuette. All of Crowley's apparel knew exactly what he expected of them. He checked to see that Aziraphale was still watching him and slowly raised his left foot, placed a snakeskin boot on his right knee and lamented that this wasn't the best chair for his trademark sprawl. It was enough for the desired effect though. Aziraphale's gaze swept the length of Crowley's body, head to toe and back.

C: You do know that Demons have to be able to see in the dark?

A: Er yes, well I'd never thought about it.

C: It means that I can see perfectly well in candlelight whilst wearing dark glasses.

Aziraphale shook his head, bemused.

A: I'm sorry I don't quite follow your meaning.

C: It also means that I can see the way you look at me when you think I won't notice.

Aziraphale swiftly looked away, put his glass down, wiped an imaginary mark on the table, picked his glass up again.

A: I don't know what you could possibly mean!

Aziraphale was on the defensive.

Crowley's smile was well advanced now, a soft, unguarded smile. It had been quite a day. He'd blown up a church to rescue his Angel from the Nazis and somehow managed to not shoot him in the head while pursued by zombies. And then, he still couldn't quite believe it, when the chips were down and it looked like Furfur had the evidence to condemn him back to hell, Aziraphale had saved him, the angel had saved the demon with his slight of hand. He took off his glasses and scrutinised Aziraphale as if he were pleased with what he saw.

Aziraphale flirted.

A: Now who's making eyes at me?

Crowley wasn't sure what he was about to offer or quite what Aziraphale wanted of him but he thought,"What the heck!" and ploughed on.

C: You know..........you only have to ask.....if you want to.....

A: *#Ay Eek!

Aziraphale emitted a high pitched squeak and jumped to his feet, spilling the remains of the wine in his glass in the process. A slug of red landed on his waistcoat. He fussed and fidgeted at it with his handkerchief.

A: Oh dear. This will never do, never do at all. This is dry clean only and have you any idea how hard it is ... there's a war on.

C: Looks like you've been shot through the heart. Here let me.

He stood up and placing his hand over the stain, gently miracled it away. He felt Aziraphale's chest rise under his hand and was surprised to feel his own heart rate quicken. It felt good. He was transfixed watching his hand gently rise and fall. He didn't want to move away. He couldn't recall every touching Aziraphale's body before. He usually paced and circled and kept his hands absolutely to himself. He felt Aziraphale's warmth on the palm of his hand and when he lifted his eyes to Aziraphale's he was met with the longing he'd seen before but never like this, not this close, not while touching. Aziraphale's eyes briefly darted down to his lips.

"Oh!" thought Crowley. And he couldn't help doing the same. He slid his hand up from Aziraphale's chest and with two fingers, gently lifted his chin. Without knowing why or what he was doing he leaned closer, tilting his head to one side.

A: N...no!

Aziraphale turned away, shamefully.

A: We can't.

"We can and we were about to," Crowley thought wistfully but when he spoke aloud it came out differently.

C: No. Best not.

Suddenly feeling quite awkward and confused he collected up his shades and hat and with a swirl of his overcoat he was gone into the night.

[aethelflaedladyofmercia]

Desire

Well, I was going to write something totally different, but then this happened instead. My latest addition to @drawlight‘s advent calendar takes full advantage of the fact that I can’t write flirtatious dialogue to save my life.

(Note, I’ve now skipped 4 days. Not sure how I’m going to make them back up, but I do intend to try.)

19 - Wish (1,569 words)

“Do you ever wish for anything?” Aziraphale asked abruptly, just as he started in on his third order of crepes.

“Ah, how do you mean?” The question caught Crowley off-guard. Many things this evening had caught him off-guard. Finding Aziraphale locked up in the Bastille; the looks the angel had shot him, over and over, during his rescue attempt; and even now, the way Aziraphale’s habitual facade of innocence kept slipping, dropping just enough to reveal something not innocent in the least.

“Come now, Crowley. This is your primary employment. Temptations. Wishes.” He raised a bite of crepe to his lips and raised his eyebrows. “Desires.”

It suddenly occurred to Crowley – in a panic-induced firing of neurons – that Aziraphale might be attempting to flirt with him.

This was frightening in several ways.

First, it wasn’t how they did things. Their entire unspoken agreement – even deeper than the Arrangement – was that everything was treated in a strictly business way. Business mixed with pleasure, of course: a shared bottle of wine, a dinner of the latest luxury food, a trip to the theater where they could talk in private. But still, professional, distant, amicable at best.

Second, any changes in their attitudes towards each other was dangerous. Bound to be noticed. Bound to cause trouble. Exactly the kind of trouble Aziraphale was always warning him about.

Third, and most important, Aziraphale appeared to be very bad at flirting.

“I suppose,” Crowley started slowly, “I wish you would learn to be a little more careful and stop taking foolish risks.” He hoped the angel would catch his meaning.

“That’s not what I had in mind.” Aziraphale lowered the fork, and his other hand rose from his lap and came to rest on the table, barely an inch from Crowley’s. It wasn’t a very big table, but there was no chance that was a coincidence. “I mean, is there something that you…that you have longed for?”

“Like crepes. Not really, I don’t eat much.” He was babbling at this point. His fingers twitched away, but there wasn’t anywhere to move his hand, not without being obvious.

And, despite how unbelievably bad this situation was…he didn’t want to be obvious. Didn’t want Aziraphale to feel rejected. Didn’t want to pull away from the warmth of that hand.

“Apart from food, then.” Aziraphale finally took the bite, and just for a moment seemed to forget all about his dining companion as a look of sheer bliss ran across his face. Crowley’s stomach dropped away. Three orders of crepes and he still wasn’t prepared for that expression, for the unrestrained joy, for the sudden desire to reach out, to see if he could put that smile on Aziraphale’s face himself –

Oh, that bastard angel. He was doing it on purpose!

Crowley cleared his throat. “I don’t know. I wish I wasn’t in the middle of this Revolution. I wish Head Office would stop giving me credit for the absolute worst of humanity. I wish I could be sure they wouldn’t show up and check in on me at any moment.” How much more blatant could he be?

“I suppose,” Aziraphale smiled. “I suppose I also wish I could be assured a little privacy. I wonder sometimes, what I might do if there were no chance anyone would find out.” His finger stretched out, brushing against Crowley’s. The gesture was far too deliberate, and Aziraphale was looking straight at him. “What things might I wish to do then?”

Crowley couldn’t take it anymore. This was beyond embarrassing. This was a disaster to surpass anything he’d ever seen.

Worse, it was actually working. His hand burned to grab Aziraphale’s drag him into a corner, and find out just how stupid the two of them could be. The chances of anyone checking in on them in this city, in this creperie, at this exact moment were almost infinitesimally small. Crowley ready for it, Aziraphale had apparently forgotten every concept of caution, they were both intelligent beings of the world. Why shouldn’t they risk it?

Why shouldn’t they risk eternal torment at the hands of their respective sides for a few minutes of pleasure?

That was better than a bucket of cold water on Crowley’s brain. Aziraphale might believe his side was forgiving, that he was risking little more than a strongly-worded letter, but Crowley knew from first-hand experience how the Archangels treated their enemies. And he doubted an angel who consorted with a demon would be treated any better.

“Aziraphale,” he said, drawing his hands back, folding them in front of him. “What are you doing?”

“I…” He flushed, suddenly looking very uncertain. Very hurt. “I just meant… That is, I didn’t mean… I was just making conversation.”

“Do you think I don’t know a Temptation when I see one?” Aziraphale flinched at that, jerking his own hand back as if he’d been struck. “Especially one so… flagrant? It’s humiliating.”

“Oh. I. Oh.” He deflated, shrinking into himself, melting away before Crowley’s eyes. “I thought… I thought you wanted…”

“No, Aziraphale. This…this,” he waved his hand vaguely to indicate everything the angel had done and suggested, “isn’t what I want. It’s not my secret desire, not my wish, not some hidden fantasy I’ve had locked in my brain.” He knew he was laying it on too thick, but if there was a chance, even a chance someone had seen this… “I don’t know what you were hoping to get from me, or why you thought it would work, but it needs to stop. Now.”

Crowley had thought he knew every expression Aziraphale was capable of – from the bliss of trying a new food to the wretched misery of confessing he’d given away his sword. But nothing, nothing could have prepared him for the look of heartbreak he saw now.

“Well. I…” Oh, Satan, he wasn’t even trying to cover it up with a fake smile. “I should…”

Before Crowley could move, Aziraphale was on his feet, all but running out of the restaurant.

--

If there was one thing Aziraphale was good at, it was stopping himself from crying. He had centuries, millennia, an eternity of practice at keeping the tears at bay, no matter what he felt, no matter what tragedy he was forced to witness. After all, if it was all part of the Great, Ineffable Plan, why should he mourn a moment’s pain?

But this…this wasn’t part of the Plan. This was just his heart, torn out, tossed aside. But he didn’t need it. He didn’t need any of it. He was an –

“Angel!”

He walked faster.

“Ang – Aziraphale, stop!”

He would have run if he could, but it didn’t matter – he was no match for those long legs, and in a moment he felt Crowley’s hand on his arm.

“Leave me be.” He tried to shrug it off. “You’ve made your point.”

“I really don’t think I have,” Crowley growled, low and dangerous. He pulled Aziraphale back towards him, grabbing his lapels, shoving him back against the nearest wall, standing so close their noses nearly brushed. “You want to know what I wish for? What I want?”

“Crowley, stop, I was just –”

“Oh, I’ll tell you.” He leaned in even closer, until his hot breath burned against the shell of Aziraphale’s ear, as he hissed: “I want you.”

He couldn’t even respond, couldn’t make a sound around the lump in his throat.

“But I don’t want some bloody snog in a Paris alleyway. I want to spend eternity with you. My deepest desire is to hear your voice and your laugh every day. My fantasy is to wake up next to you, spend every minute at your side, and fall asleep to the sound of your heartbeat. And when I wish, I wish for us to stay safe, to keep going, until we can find a way to make that happen.”

“Crowley,” Aziraphale tried to whisper, but his breath was harsh. There were tears running down his face. “That’s…you know that’s impossible…”

“I don’t care. I am not going to give up, not ever. I will not trade that for a few minutes of pleasure. And I won’t risk you. Not for anything. So don’t be stupid.”

He couldn’t trust himself to speak. He reached out, put his hands on Crowley’s waist, pulled him closer, so that just for a second, he felt the full weight of his adversary, his rescuer, his friend pressed against him.

Then he shoved the demon away with all his strength. “Oh, I think we understand each other now,” Aziraphale said, trying to sound cold and authoritative, as an angel should. “I think I understand exactly what it is you want.”

Crowley smiled, and if it was supposed to look cruel or wicked, Aziraphale saw right through that to the sadness it masked. “So you see, your wiles were never going to work on me. Best stick to what you’re good at, Angel.”

“You’ll regret saying that, I think.” Aziraphale wiped the tears from his face. “I look forward to our next encounter.”

“I wouldn’t miss it for anything.”

They held each other’s gaze for another moment, then walked away in opposite directions.

Aziaphale already regretted his actions today, the things his foolish desire had led him to do. But he pushed the memory aside, making room for a new, glorious vision that Crowley had planted in his heart.

[ineffablebookgirl]

Aziraphale is catastroflirting while Crowley is having an identity crisis

Okay, so THAT SCENE(TM). The Tadfield Manor scene.

I can't stop thinking about it so here we fucking go.

What the hell is going on in this scene?

Like, they just found out that they spent 11 years co-parenting the wrong boy, and that the actual Antichrist is out there on the loose somewhere.

They both know that if and when the Apocalypse happens, their relationship and one or more of their existences is over, for good.

Like, they are staring down the actual End of the World, the end of each other, the end of love, armed with a tartan bow tie and a tyre iron.

And Aziraphale is .... flirting? Like, we do not have time for these puppy-dog eyes, Aziraphale!???

But Crowley .... goes for it? He performs the kindest, simplest act of service, for no other reason than that his angel asks, fuck, he doesn't even ask, he just expresses a need and makes That Face.

And then, and I am starting to think this is crucial, Aziraphale says, "Thank you."

When we get to the next episode, episode 3, and see their whole history throughout the millennia, there are two scenes where thank you is very pointedly left out. At the Bastille: Aziraphale says, "I suppose I should say thank you for the rescue," and Crowley leaps to his feet to stop him: "Don't say that!" In the car in 1967, a baffled Crowley clutching a tartan Thermos says, "Ngk -- should I say thank you?" and a wrecked Aziraphale grimaces and says, "Better not."

But here, Aziraphale doesn't ask. He just says it. "Thank you."

What is in that thank you? I see what you are doing for me, I see what I mean to you, and I feel it too.

That little glance he gives as he scurries away becomes a guilty glance with this context, because he knows Crowley would have told him not to say it.

Crowley, for his part, makes that soppy, can't believe I'm this smitten over you face behind his back and then enters a series of system malfunctions.

For Crowley, this is revisiting the scene of his biggest failure as a demon, the one he was just torturing his houseplants over as a form of psychological projection.

He's back at the scene of the crime, and trying to be very blasé about facing up to the fact that he's a failure of a demon and he has fucked up not only his orders from Hell, but also his plan to avert the Apocalypse by nannying a perfectly ordinary human boy for the last 11 years.

Meanwhile, Aziraphale is just leaning hard into all the unspoken stuff that's been piling up between them for the last 2,000 years. Speedrunning the dance of request and fulfillment, saying thank you out of fucking nowhere, giving puppy dog eyes and beaming smiles left and right...

~~~

All of this layered on top of the ongoing conversation about the nature of Good and Evil, which they started in the car on the way there. Crowley recounts the Evil Plan, Aziraphale waxes poetic about evil containing the seeds of its own destruction, Crowley dismisses it as an ordinary cockup, but maybe he's thinking in the back of his mind, that's me, I'm the seed of evil's destruction, because I'm the cock-up. I'm bad because I'm too good. But I'm not good enough to not be bad. I brought the Antichrist into the world, which will end the world and end Aziraphale, and I also wasn't good enough to even bring him into the world in the right place.

So I think when he turns the guns into real guns, three things are going on for Crowley.

1) He has to counterbalance that overwhelming kindness and Aziraphale looking at him like he's Good, with something very very Bad. This is like Aziraphale stepping closer by giving him the holy water, and then pulling back by distancing himself with "you go too fast for me." And it's like Crowley rescuing Aziraphale in the Bastille and then asking for the holy water as insurance; while Aziraphale sets up the Bastille situation and then pushing Crowley away, hard, when he asks for the holy water. There's always a whiplash, an overcorrection, when one of them makes a step forward that feels too vulnerable or too risky. The coat scene is extremely vulnerable for Crowley, so the guns and the wall slam are his overcorrection.

2) Crowley's also grappling with his own identity as a demon, and trying to prove to himself that he's a good demon, which again, means being Bad. So he has to cancel out being kind to Aziraphale with being cruel to the humans.

And 3) he is making his move in the overarching conversation about good vs evil as a whole, about their sides. Aziraphale said guns in the right hands "lend weight to a moral argument," and making the guns real is Crowley's rebuttal.

Aziraphale's response to the real guns is to be appalled. Crowley can't stand to upset his angel, and he relents. "No, they aren't. No one's killing anyone, they're all having miraculous escapes, wouldn't be any fun otherwise."

I remember reading this part in the book years ago, and my interpretation of it was always that he makes the decision to give them miraculous escapes after Aziraphale calls him out. He's playing out this millennia-old internal struggle in this sequence -- is he the evil demon who gives humans the tools to be unbearably cruel to each other? Or is he just a trickster god using those tools to cause mayhem and confusion and make humans think about their choices [so that maybe they can use their free will to choose better, a chance he was never afforded].

He makes this decision, for Aziraphale, in front of Aziraphale, and Aziraphale sees it and names it. "You know Crowley, I've always said that deep down, you really are quite a nice--"

And Crowley reaches the end of his capability to cope with the cognitive dissonance and slams Aziraphale against the wall, to set the record straight-- "I'm not nice, nice is a four-letter word."

Crowley is at the end of his rope, and Aziraphale is just turned on.

~~~

So, like, okay, what is going on in each of their minds?

For Aziraphale, I think he is trying to pull Crowley along to doing this his way. This day trip to Tadfield is coming off the back of the birthday party yesterday, where he insisted on trying to fix it without violence, by being at the party to stop the dog. Crowley was trying to push Aziraphale to kill the boy, but Aziraphale insists on doing it with human magic tricks and without killing.

And Aziraphale is the one who calls Crowley up with this idea about looking into the birth records, while Crowley was at home yelling at his plants. I think Aziraphale is trying to take the lead a little bit and remind Crowley of his goodness, and say, okay, you said we can fix this 11 years ago, let's not give up now, let's keep trying, but we have to do it the "good" way, the "right" way. Aziraphale is on board with stopping the Apocalypse, but not yet on board with admitting that he's on Crowley's side. He's trying to draw Crowley over to his side without having to acknowledge the ways he is like Crowley.

Crowley is not avoiding the tension, not trying to pretend anything, although he is struggling. He is letting himself feel the push and pull between the evil demon side and the free-will advocate, between some sense of professional failure in his role as a demon of Hell, and his inexorable love for Aziraphale. He's trying to grapple with both and figure out which one he is, face his mistakes, be the demon spouse he wants to be to Aziraphale, but it's really fucken stressful for him.

~~~

Whether or not Crowley understands that he's made a decision, there is one other detail that I think bookends the story being told in this sequence.

When they arrive, they walk into the Manor courtyard in a way that highlights their differences -- Crowley rebelliously crosses the grass, Aziraphale sticks to the pebbled path. They are looking around, not at each other.

When they leave, they are side by side, shoulder to shoulder, even brushing up against each other.

They're realigned again. Aziraphale is back to verbally emphasizing the differences -- "Angels aren't occult, we're ethereal" -- but the physicality tells the truth.

~~~ Anyway, I'm not sure I've quite pinned it down, there's a lot going on, and they're both extremely stressed out, but showing it and dealing with it in very different ways.

[vidavalor]

The Blitz, The B-Side and Baraqiel

Another post in a series about how "The Metatron" in the Final 15 is actually Satan.

This also contains a smidge of requested stuff on Baraqiel, who will get a full meta soon when I'm done with ramblings about The Devil.

The B-Side. Song featured on the other side of a record for another song.

"Peggy Sue." 1957 hit song by Buddy Holly & the Crickets. As mentioned to Aziraphale by Maggie in S2, "Everyday" is the B-Side from the "Peggy Sue" single.

"Everyday." Maggie keeps sending records to The Resurrectionist pub for their jukebox and they send her back copies of "Everyday" because Gabriel's miracle for Beez turns every record they play into that song.

When Maggie turns one of the records over-- the one she gives to Aziraphale-- both sides of the record are "Everyday." The "Peggy Sue" B-Side does not exist because Gabriel has eliminated it from being played at the pub in question, which generates "Peggy Sue"-free records as a result. We'll see a little later in this meta how Gabriel actually told us in 1.01 that he's got no time for "Peggy Sue"...

"Everyday" = The Gabriel and Beez positive ending in S2. Choosing true love and to be with that one particular person who makes everything better.

But it's the B-side to...

"Peggy Sue" = um, not "Everyday"-- more the opposite of that-- as outlined below:

Peggy. Nickname for Margaret.

Sue. Nickname for Susan, the root meaning of which is roses of Sharon.

Greta. Shortened version of Margareta. Derived from Margaret.

Fraulein Greta Kleinschmidt... aka Captain Rose Montgomery ="Peggy Sue".

Marguerite's. French restaurant on Whickber St. Name means "Margaret" in French. Covered in roses. Making it also "Peggy Sue" and tying The Blitz, Part 1's Greta/Rose conflict directly to 2.06's Metatron/Devil conversation at Marguerite's.

Marguerite's is run by and likely owned by Justine. It is the location of both Crowley and Aziraphale's smitten would-be date conversation while it was open and, while it was closed, Aziraphale's conversation with "The Metatron."

It is where Aziraphale is tempted by "The Metatron"-- who is really on the opposite "side" from what he appears to be. He is not really "the Rose" but "the Greta"-- The Devil.

Bara. Japanese for "rose", in a pejorative sense (similar to the English "pansy".)

Baraqiel... aka Crowley. Pictured above at Marguerite's beside a romantic red rose. The actual anti-fascist involved in 1941 and still in the present and whose side Aziraphale should choose. Greta is a spy pretending to be Rose but Rose doesn't really exist; Crowley is a demon who pretends to be an angel whose name partially means "Rose"... and Crowley and Aziraphale both found out together long ago that the demons can still do angelic miracles so, for all intents and purposes, Baraqiel is real.

In S1, Aziraphale is the self-proclaimed "*the* Southern pansy." In S2, Crowley's B-side fake angel identity of Baraqiel is revealed and part of the etymology there relates to roses.

Justine. Means "just" and "fair." When Marguerite's is open, Justine is there, which relates to that sense of what is right and good and true. Crowley and Aziraphale are at Marguerite's together in S2 when it is open. Their relationship is right and true and fair and good. Aziraphale talks there with "The Metatron" when the restaurant is closed and Justine is nowhere to be found. No Justine and the closed restaurant = foreboding as all fuck.

Marguerite's. Justine's restaurant, where, as we've said, Crowley and Aziraphale met during its open hours. Means "of-- or belong to--Margaret" in French.

French. Aziraphale can't get decent crepes anywhere outside of Paris. And the brioche. And the oui est la plume de la jardiniere de ma tante? flirting outside Marguerite's in S2. C'est si romantique...

Margaret. Means "pearl." Pearls are the rare jewels found in oysters. Like the ones Crowley and Aziraphale went out for in Rome on the day they also first shared some oysters.

Montgomery. Captain Rose Montgomery, the B-side fake identity of Fraulein Greta Kleinschmidt. Mont from the Latin for "mountain" and the rest from the Greek "gomari"-- meaning "to load"/"to carry a load or a pack while climbing/man carrying a pack." Means "mountain-climbing person."

"Climb Every Mountain." The Big Damn Song from 'The Sound of Music'. God's favorite tune and the corporate mandate of Heaven, the inhabitants of which do not understand this message or live these values at all. Crowley and Aziraphale get the themes of this musical but seem to have yet to figure out how much they are like the lead characters or that they're in a story that partially parallels this musical.

Maggie. Nickname for (and name derived from) Margaret. Shares a root name with Greta.

Greta. Witnessed Crowley turn up to protect Aziraphale in the church, in a scene in which had matrimonial undertones. Her recruiting of Aziraphale-- that relationship-- prompted Crowley into a romantic gesture.

"...American expression-- played for suckers!" and Aziraphale's gasp at the reveal of Rose as Greta. This all happened *before* Crowley came into the scene. Crowley then confirmed that the trio were "a bunch of half-witted Nazi spies" and that Greta was not really British intelligence.

Maggie. Her talk with Crowley-- which she talked Nina into doing-- prompts Crowley into something circling close to a proposal before it all went off the rails.

"...human expression-- hold that thought!" and Aziraphale's gasp at the reveal by Crowley that the being who had arrived was The Metatron. Crowley, as we'll look at in another meta, is the one who actually helps "the Greta" of this scene hide his identity-- against his will... the mirrored opposite of 1941.

Sister Margareta. The sweet but kind of empty-headed nun that defends Maria during "(How Do You Solve a Problem Like) Maria" in 'The Sound of Music'. As all the other nuns are bashing Maria to The Mother Abbess and saying that she doesn't have what it takes to be a nun, Sister Margareta sings that she'd "like to say a word on her behalf/Maria/makes me/laugh."

Gabriel. Sister Margareta.

Gabriel is Margareta-- is Margaret, is a Peggy. Crowley is Baraqiel-- is Rose, is a Sue. So, Gabriel and Crowley together = our third example of a Peggy Sue scenario. The conflict of Aziraphale between Gabriel or a statue of Gabriel-- representing Heaven-- and Crowley... visually represented in the sushi scene (Crowley presence in significant absence) and in 1827, etc...

Also, just for those who watched Mad Men and think the idea of "Don" being "a Peggy" is fun because Don Draper and Peggy Olson were two peas in a pod...

Back to Good Omens... and over to Gabriel's first scene. So, what famously doesn't our favorite nun Sister Margareta aka Jimbriel do?

Aziraphale-- and the audience-- might not realize it at first but Gabriel is actually not really pointing at the sushi in this scene... at least not exclusively. He doesn't actually comment on the sushi at all, even when it's what Aziraphale defends. What's grossing out The Supreme Archangel here is the tea. The tea is at what Gabriel is pointing when he says "that" and on what he remarks when he tells us what he does not do as a character:

"I do not sully the celestial temple of my body with... rose matter."

The "Rose Matter." The "Peggy Sue" conflict. Aziraphale's core conflict of being a good angel versus being a good person and how his love for Crowley is at the nexus of all of that. First alluded to in the sushi scene. Gabriel informs us right at the start that he'll be peacing out of all of that nonsense lol-- he doesn't give enough of a fuck to be all that concerned as to what their abusers think of them and he'll be around later to teach Aziraphale how to drink far less of "the tea"-- what people say-- at some point. He doesn't quite yet get his own role in why Aziraphale does at that point in 1.01 but he'll start to as a result of S2.

Finally, there's that Gabriel just thinks tea itself-- the beverage-- is disgusting, setting Gabriel up for his hot chocolate orgasm in S2. He's going to "dump the tea in the harbor" in S2 as the resident "American" angel, after all. No "Peggy Sue" pining rose-related shit for Gabriel, thanks-- just "Everyday."

But also...

Rose Matter. Rose petals. Components of rose tea. Gabriel's comment tells us what Aziraphale ordered to drink at the sushi restaurant in 1.01, when he was supposed to meet Baraqiel for dinner. Who is Crowley. Ya know, this Crowley...

...ooh la la, Aziraphale...

Gabriel does not sully the celestial temple of his body with rose matter but Aziraphale consumes all sorts of-- ahem, right, anyway! this was about The Devil lol...

Kleinschmidt. Klein = "small". Greta is a small person-- she is not empathetic, not kind, not forward-thinking. "Schmidt" = "smith", as a blacksmith/metalworker. Someone who makes tools. Kleinschmidt = Small toolmaker.

"And you will be a tool of that glorious destiny." What Hastur tells Crowley in 1.01 when he tells him that Satan has picked him to usher Armageddon and the demonic victory the demons assume will happen.

Toolmaker. The Devil. Kleinschmidt. Small toolmaker. Greta is "the little devil"-- the small plot that both foreshadows and sets up the big one with The Devil himself.

A church. Where the Nazis meet Aziraphale in 1941. Its pastor is nowhere to be found and its altar has been claimed by Nazis, who are planning to murder Aziraphale in this church. A "holy" place that seems of Heaven (the side of "good", supposedly, not really) but is actually evil.

"The Metatron." The being to whom Aziraphale speaks in the Final 15 of 2.06. Seems of Heaven. Actually The Devil.

First little mini post on this topic: