#And Bender got split between Remus and Janus

[fate-hates-faraday]

Incorrect Sanders Sides Quotes (Starring Futurama)

Thomas: Alright, so what's happening to me? And I'll take my answer in any form but a song.

Remus: *already having set up a backdrop and gramophone, and wearing a coconut bra and grass skirt* Aw, you're no fun.

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Patton: My fellow imaginary figments, far be it from me to question your stupid civilization or its dumb customs, but is squeezing each others brains out with a giant nutcracker really going to solve anything? Remus is my friend, and though a man has come between us, I say we'll always remain friends. And do you know why? One reason -

Remus: (cuts off Patton's arm)

Patton: YOU BASTARD! I'LL KILL YOU! YOU BASTARD!

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Patton: Hey my boyfriend had one of those! Actually it wasn't his, it was his dad's. Actually he wasn't my boyfriend, he just lived next door and never closed his curtains.

Logan: Patton, remember what I told you about always ending your stories a sentence earlier?

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Janus: Wait. You mean people would pay good money for romance? Hmm. I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I...

(Cut to Janus in a courtroom)

Judge Roman: Five hundred dollars and time served!

Janus: Stupid anti-pimping laws!

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Logan: *on video* I know you're all very upset, especially Remus.

Remus: Well, life goes on. Except for you!

Logan: I'm sure that Remus has just made a cutting remark, but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message.

Remus: YOU BASTARD!!!

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Thomas: We've got to go to the Subconscious and get Janus back!

Virgil: Why?

(long pause)

Logan: Well, those arguments aside, we're still going.

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Remus: You can't just waltz into the Subconscious. It's a tangled web of rules, repression, and really weird stuff. I've never been, but a friend of mine went completely mad trying to find the washroom there.

Logan: Then we'll need a guide, someone who's been there before.

Remus: Oh, I've been there. Lots of times. (laughs maniacally)

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Janus: *getting thrown out of a discussion* Oh, no room for Deceit, eh? I'll make my OWN Center... with blackjack, and hookers! In fact, forget the Center and the blackjack! Ehh, screw the whole thing.

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Remus: This last week with Logan has been great. Beneath his warm, soft exterior beats the cold, mechanical heart of a Dark Side.

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Janus: I hate the people who love me, and they hate me. 

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Logan: Where's Patton?

Janus: I didn't kill him. Remus?

Remus: No, I've been busy.

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Roman: We gotta go rescue them!

Remus: Eh, I don't know.

Roman: Remus, think of the señores!

Remus: ¡Vámonos!

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Janus: Don't worry, guys. I'll never be too good or too evil again. From now on, I'll just be me.

Virgil: Uh... Do you think you could be a little less evil than that?

Janus: I don't know... Do you think you could survive a seven-hundred foot fall?

Remus: (chuckles) Good ol' Double-D.

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Janus: [to Remus] That plot makes perfect sense. Wink, wink.

Roman: Deceit, you said "wink, wink" out loud.

Janus: No, I didn't. Raise middle finger.

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Virgil: There will be no further questions!

Patton: Why?

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Virgil: I'm having a poker game tonight with some of my old coworkers. Would any of you like to join?

Janus: I don't know. I only gamble with chumps.

Patton: I'll play.

Janus: I'm in!

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Remus: Double-D! We must take to the streets!

Janus: Um, is this the boring, peaceful kind of taking to the streets?

Remus: No! The kind with looting and maybe starting a few fires!

Janus: Yes! In your face, Gandhi!

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Roman: When the lights go out, it's nobody's business what goes on between two consenting adults.

Remus: Or one!

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Janus: Dying sucks butt. How do you living beings cope with mortality?

Virgil: Violent outbursts.

Roman: General sluttiness.

Patton: Thanks to denial, I'm immortal.

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Logan: We have only one option: Protocol 62.

Roman: Not possible. We don't have nearly enough piranhas.

Logan: Then Protocol 63 it is. 

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Virgil: Oh God! I clicked without reading.

Roman: And I slightly modified a thing that I own.

Virgil: We're monsters! 

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Patton: I refuse to give up so long as there's a shred of hope.

Virgil: There isn't.

Patton: An iota of hope?

Virgil: No.

Patton: How about false hope?

Virgil: (sighs) Yes.

Patton: All right!