#BAD PARAPHRASING BUT YEA SOMETHING LIKE THAT

[p0rk-guts]

waitt but what's different about your ocified velvette... i like her a little but find myself wanting more substance from her in canon tbh

TEEHEE WHAT A GOOD QUESTION I TOTALLY DIDN'T SET PPL UP TO ASK ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay sew me and @ajistorpid were talking and they inspired a good chunk of my ideas so you can blame them for feeding my sick delusions.

Read more just like last time bc I talk too much sorry but there's art in there too oooo you should look u should read my ramblings

As far as I know, Velvette has no canon age at death, cause of death, or death date so based on what we know we just crafted our own headcanons. AJ proposed she might've had parents who ran one of those family vlog channels with her as the face of it, becoming a child influencer under her parents' control. I was thinking she could've been a child model- yk like. dance moms or something. Idk I don't remember what was happening on that show— anyways. Yea

Either way she grew up constantly controled and perfection was her standard. All of her outside thoughts and feelings and interests and opinions were constantly dismissed in favor of what made her more marketable. She never did get that popular in life tho, and her mentors always shamed and blamed her for it.

Idk if this is canon or not, but the idea of the sinners designs reflecting their vices or things they regreted or hated in life is an untapped gold mine to me so that could explain where Velvette's supposed doll and clown themes come from. Became a toy dressed up and paraded around for the entertainment of others + joke never taken seriously. She'd hate that

(As for how that ties into my redesign…. me and AJ were thinking she could be a vampire doll, but I'm not sure IDK I wanna sketch that out and see what it's giving)

In hell she easilly fell back into this warped facsimile of her old life bc it was all she knew. "she feels some form of pseudo control and enjoyment because she has no one pulling her strings now" (<-AJ) SHE'S running things!!! Who's the puppet now!!!!!!

Then THAT had me thinking too because now that I think about it. Why Is she the backbone of the V's?? She's like. An undergrad student in my mind at the MOST and Vox and Val are two men pushing 40 I'm sure. I think a big part of it is the fact that those two are almost complete and utter buffoons who let their emotions cloud their actions constantly, Valentino most obviously but even tho Vox seems more composed like when he's talking Val down from his outburst and when he was talking to the press, we can still see he's a total mess—especially where Alastor is concerned. He lost it so bad during their duet HE SHORTED PENTAGRAM CITY'S POWER.

Now out of all the V's we've seen the least of Velvette (I'd call it what it is but yall gon get real mad at me), The most we really got out of her character was the overlord meeting (and despite her huge ego and unruly behavior she did end up speaking facts), so maybe she Is just as unstable as them in canon but canon is SHIT and this isn't about canon anymore. In my mind she's very much in charge of the back end of their work. Vox is obviously the head of the operation—or at least he seems like it to me—what with the tech company having his name and with him answering the interviews, but I think that's all he is. The figure head. Velvette is the brain behind it all. When Vox proposes new buisness endeavors off the cuff she's the one who goes back and makes sure they're getting handled properly because he doesn't really dig into the backend of how things happen. Vox goes to most of the conferences or whatever (Vel's too busy running her shows and serving cunt after all) but Vel follows up on what was learned.

(also yeah all that makes this very much an au of an au bc it'd take a lot of radical changes for the two of them to be friends I think. It's fun to imagine anyway)

Quoting AJ here bc I'm bad at paraphrasing and they said it well:

"And if we're going to make her sympathetic, (obviously not excusing her enabling a rapist) Val and Vox are grown ass men and she never got to experience the world outside a camera

Velvette is easily malleable with no real relationships!! Some victims tend to gravitate towards people who are similar to their abusers the only exception is that she feels like she has control this time"

THIS this. THIS! Okay uhh vague personal experience w/ abuse cw ig. skip this paragraph if you don't wanna hear it. But It kinda reminds me of my relationship with my parents- NOT THAT I SEE THEM AS TWO DADS AND A DAUGHTER I DO NOT BELIEVE IN THAT NOTION IN A POST PILOT WORLD If future content proves me wrong it proves me wrong but at this moment they're all equals in my mind (…and I hc them as poly BUT WE'LL GET THERE) but In my situation it's like. I hate my parents for the abuse they've caused me, my mom more than my dad bc she's satan incarnate, but there are still things I like about my dad and. Tolerate. About my mother. We still can talk cordialy and spend time together, have fun together even, and I show affection to them, but deep down I know I wanna cut my mom off later and maybe my dad too depending. Additionally my mom is completely Incompatent and pulls none of her weight so despite it all I've been forced to pick up the slack and become half the brains of this family. I do chores she should take care of. Handle money. Make important decisions about our health and safety she doesn't care about.

AAAny ways. This is so my version of Velvette. No I'm not projecting (I am). She pulls a big chunk of the weight around there (some of it being carried by Vox and virtually none by Val). She's very close with the two of them but isn't a fan of everything they do (Cares more for Vox than Val in my mind). Speaking of, she definitely isn't some saint now, she still makes the love potions and is Impassive to both Val and Vox's behavior, but part of that Is her just seeing it as part of the business. Shady practices and exploitation are par for the course in any business to her. She never truly grew out of the harmful mindsets ingrained into her by whoever her enabling caretakers were in life and they're still apparent in hell. (Maybe she even experienced some of the darker sides of exploitation in life but was groomed into thinking it was okay contributing to why she doesn't see Valentino's actions as heinous. Idk. thinking on it)

Circling back to my poly V's idea. Idk it just seems plausible to me. Vox and Val already have their whole thing going on, they all live together, and they all have nicknames for each other (Vox calling her my dear, Val calling her baby doll, Vel calling Vox darling). Ik that could just be their personalities and the pet names don't have to mean anything more but this is MY au and my word is gospel hope this helps. It just makes sense

I could go on and ON about the toxic insanity of the Poly V's in my mind— particularly between Vox and Valentino— but this is NOT their post so maybe next time. As for Velvette, I get the vibe that she'd be intimate with both of them and enjoy it but she's never the one to initiate anything. Sometimes they're all like this 🤞🏾 and others the boys are a complete turn off to her (main example being the difference in her attitude towards Vox in episode 3 vs episode 8). Her tolerance of them flips on a dime depending on how they're acting. She also prefers to be a casually entertained observer to VoxVal more often then not (ex. end of episode 8 imo)

Boys aside. My Velvette is still a social media influencer and she's all about advertising. advertising products (like the love potion), clothing looks, technology... Heck even herself. "You're nobody if you don't wear this or use this or look like this ^ - ^". Projecting on her even further by making her have a love/hate relationship with her profession aka the modeling aspect of it: she's always had a genuine love for fashion and dressing up but the internal pressure for perfection she's placed on herself makes it hard for her. She's very hard on her models and designers bc of this

Couldn't think of a segway for this but also WHAT HAPPENED TO VELVETTE WANTING TO FIGHT THE ANGELS??? The "full assault plan" against the angels??? And then when the fight actually came they were all just lounging around watching it go down like it was afternoon tv????? This isn't even a "we'll get to it in season 2" thing did they honest to god forget? Did that line not mean anything??

Well I didn't forget and it's pissed me off since my first rewatch of that meeting scene. Don't think we don't know how the V's got the angel head, but In my head Velvette was the one who initially proposed the idea for an assault against heaven and her insatiable need to feel respected and feared only spurred this plan on, incredible risk be damned.

It also felt weird to me that Velvette just. Let it go when Carmilla said the meeting was over. Just. "Oh ok! Plan cancelled no more attacking heaven ^ - ^ I'm gonna go scroll for the rest of the show!" Hu h. My au-ified Velvette would definitely fight her on it— if she thought killing angels would change the game and Carmilla held the secrets behind it she would pry! Blow up at her about it until she wasn't getting results and bitterly storming off with as much composure as she could muster. Not wanting to team up with Carmilla but find some way to use her for all she was worth and get her way in the end, use the power and resources the V's had to actually make a plan. Would it have worked without the Morningstars? Eh. Either way I'm sure she could delude herself into thinking they were the most powerful people in hell. Ugh I don't wanna make an au rewrite of the show and I that was never my plan so idk where that'd go but. Yea

ANYWAYS anyways. wow you made it to the end somehow! Here's your treat :3

Context u didn't ask for: Some days Velvette overwhelms herself with her own impossible expectations. Nothing she creates or puts out is good enough. She gets extra anxious about her following; nothing's happened to them, but what if they see the miniscule flaw in her latest clothing that she sees? What if she's no longer perfect? (Even worse in the vamp Velvette redesign of her bc she literally feeds off their attention and admiration)

She'll snap at everyone and disapprove of every look and then hole herself away somewhere where she crashes and is just. So. Tired. But she'll be out of it the next day, ready to keep the conveyor rolling.

[hanasnx]

Ok to start, Idk where your Tumblr has been hiding but I've been scrolling for only a few minutes now and I'm about to go buck wild from how much I love it!!!

Also as for Ani's dick I feel like yea it is big and long like "im finna make your wall dissappear" way but its not veiny. Rather its on the smooth side with a pretty pink color. Its actually a pretty cock. However i get the vibe for some reason he is self conscious about it. Either he doesn't think it's big or he just weird about it for some reason.

Either way it throws him through a loop when you somehow manage to not only get it in (mostly) but you ride him like it's your job to do so. He's so caught of guard that he cums early and you spend the next hour or so reassuring him that these things happen, that it's alright and your not mad.

(I apologize in advance for this but your blog just got my nasty side thrown into overdrive ans this is the result. I swear I'm not this bad all the time!!)

listen to me. don’t ever ever apologize for shit like this. i am depraved, nasty, disgusting. i live in the trenches. i want to hear about this stuff. all the time

im so glad u love my blog! i also love it im very proud of it :) i only started writing recently so i see why u didn’t find me til now

i agree he would have such a pretty cock. the kind you’d love to cockwarm with your mouth bcos of your oral fixation and how smooth and satisfying it is to feel the velvetiness on your tongue. you’d especially like it when it got hard enough to fuck your throat

i feel like you’d be able to take him, fit like a glove, with enough prep and the fact that you’d probably be built to fit him (good genes i guess) and THE WAY HED CUM EARLYYY omfg <33 after you tell him that it’s fine you get him hard again on purpose so you can continue where u left off

i read @ohgodmyeyes ‘s post about ani‘s dick hcs i reposted it somewhere on my blog but one hc struck me. something along the lines of “as he matured his member outgrew him, earning him odd looks in the guys shower”?? paraphrasing something along those lines. i think that’s why he’d be self conscious i loved that hc cos it felt so in character for anakin and also realistic? for that age to kinda be like 🤨

anyway adult anakin would be very pleased with your positive reaction to his substantial member

[c-kiddo]

do you ever feel like people overcompensate making caduceus a jerk when trying to pushback against him being infantilized? i do like different takes on him, but i feel like an annoying amount of people are like "he's a judgemental prick and would insult someone to their face if they do something he disapproves of" which seems even moreso out of character for him.

oh hm. . maybe? i feel like the example you gave is probably just people who straight up don't like him lol, but ye i do sometimes see people i know really do like cad talking about how much of a bitch he can be, and like .. i also do this but at least with me and my friends it's kinda jokey yknow? so i kinda read other cad enjoyers saying it as half-joking too.. like he absolutely has bitchy moments ("sleep well with your bad decisions" was so funny and rude.. like my guy you can't be doing that akjnksjnfkja.....) and absolutely crosses lines sometimes and is judgmental in ways too. most of the time its like genuinely he doesn't mean wrong by it though, is the difference, so it's a character flaw and kinda changes throughout the show as his worldview changes. like, keep in mind this guy hadn't even rly left his house before meeting tmn so he doesnt really know how to act out of very specific interactions with his family and the mourners. and i definitely don't think he'd insult someone to their face because he disapproved of something. .at post he'd like , roll his eyes and grumble abt it (unless its someone mega evil like ikithon who’s actually hurting people). . idk. there's lots of fun flaws and things to talk about (ooough the saviour complex part of his character is so fun. the lack of social skills from his weird upbringing and how that effects how he treats people as 'projects' not necessarily in a way that harms them but more so that he has a role and a purpose), but yea, people seriously posting totally not-nuanced takes abt how he's actually a shit person is just kinda boring and simplifying. .. also for sillies i will say :-3 his autistic swag of being very blunt perhaps plays a part. like my guy absolutely does not know he can't just be saying stuff to people sometimes .. tmn even comment on it and call him "blunt and abrasive and awkward" (paraphrasing but it's those words). . like cad's a weirdo and sometimes that is simply in a way that is off-putting. also its hard for u to think you're wrong about stuff when youre literally getting messages from god about the Correct things.. so, lol. . i love him he's just a silly little guy 

[dreadark]

something something gender (cringe

I envy people who can just shitpost about being trans or gay or whatever because if I so much as think about making a joke about things like that I start breaking out into hives

Ok how to say this without sounding… bad… (?)

uhhhhh

idk it’s pride month. naturally there’s a lot of art floating around about people’s personal experiences with gender and such. cool stuff

anyway it made me kind of want to write about it. but like… in fiction. Maybe this line of thinking is already problematic lmao idk but then I thought about myself…like…do I have the right to write about that even

I’m not someone who thinks you can only write about your own lived experiences, mostly bc that’s fucking boring, but…do I even understand this stuff enough to? Say anything?? ?

there’s a post going around saying that in some occasions someone outside a certain group will have better insight than someone in it/you shouldn’t just blindly trust someone’s opinion on a group just bc they happen to be part of it (paraphrasing badly) which I agree with for general reasons but also bc I am that guy that doesn’t know shit about fuck even about things that I guess I am

see… I don’t want to be a woman. or a man. I know that much

and I’ve thought about if it’s just wanting to escape the societal expectations of gender, and I don’t think that’s really it either…though they do bother me sometimes I’m just annoyed they exist rather than… idk how to phrase this. You get what I mean (no they don’t

really I just want to not be human …so uh. does that count as “nonbinary”

And I don’t really want to change my appearance either

and yea I get there’s no one valid way to be trans, you can present how you want etc etc but like. I don’t like my appearance either I just can’t think anything that’ll make me happier about it… whatever way it changes it’ll still be me. and that’s the crux of the problem

so...does this count…? I don’t know a lot of things seem to count but no one’s mentioned this. so maybe not in the end basically nothing about me would change regardless of how I identify, so I don't have any story to me...I'm just as dull as always

maybe I'm missing something everyone else seems to understand…but that’s nothing new is it…

welllllll until i get figured out as a fucking idiot i'll be chilling ✨

[radio-charlie]

Something that bothers me a bit is when people dismiss Buddhist thought too hastily, and it's like they've been exposed to it mostly through weird farmer's market birkenstock sandalwood incense types u know what i mean. Yea i guess if all you know of it are cloying, smug interpretations of 'shed all attachment and attain nirvana. nothing is really real' i can see why you would be turned off. A lot of people misunderstand the no-attachment thing to be someone fleeing pain. Reaching nirvana frees you from suffering. But i'm not sure you're supposed to strive for it with the sole intention of fleeing pain.

I can hardly claim to be an expert because i've mostly been exposed to Buddhism through osmosis. Unless they yassify all the sutras or something, it's unlikely i'll finish them before 2025. and the thing about the sutras is - i'm not sure you're meant to paraphrase them. what they say can only be spoken through their own words.

In the Heart Sutra, it is mentioned that everything is empty. Emotion, thought, etc. But it's not trying to say that these things are not real, or that they are meaningless. Idk how to explain my interpretation of it. It's like, they are real in that they exert effect, but are 'not real' in that they have no existence independent of all the other things around them. A rock is defined as a rock by everything else that exists in this world

Reality is a big jello of possibility. And we are these little aliens who witness and experience it through a cookie mold tray. We go around and press that jello through the little molds. Out of it emerges stuff like: a snowflake, serendipity, molecules, the framework of reason we use to understand our framework of reason. And we call this reality. When it's just the only thing that we as we are right now can perceive.

Someone once explained to me that the Lankavatara Sutra is like a box of tools, and you are meant to use the tools in that box to dismantle the box and then the tools themselves. And if you go your whole life feeling desire, feeling attachment, that's fine - you're not a bad person or a failure because this journey is very difficult. The state we're striving for isn't a robotic coldness. That's so easy. Many people get there without meditating or reciting at all. You are not meant to be cold

Just so big that you are everything and so you are complete

[alligaytorrr-official]

i never saw the og tweets i think it was some financial snags mainly but yea devi said some shit but then soon owned up to it like, recognizing she shouldnt have said anything that could make rook look like the bad guy when it was a situation they kinda both fucked up / was fucked up by like distribution companies or however the hell streaming works (paraphrasing and could be wrong)

yeah i think her wording about the financial stuff was something to the effect of "it's a hard to fix mistake, but not anything malicious." feels like people making a big deal of it are jumping the gun

[dulcegal]

LONG POST WARNING:

If u want to keep it short then only read the pink parts <33

To the people who do hot takes or unpopular opinions but disguise it as wanting to have a discussion: we can see right thru u btw !!

No but like seriously tho😭😭 i yk went to the bakugou x reader tag bcuz i wanna read the most recent fics right and I saw a post pretty much saying that yk bkg should’ve stayed dead and he’s a horrible character bakudeku is bad blah blah blah heard it before and like while the delivery was rude ( talk abt that later ) it was still their opinion so like it’s chill untilll he trashed the **women** who read these fics and im just like lowkey gagged

He said ( paraphrasing btw) : “ y’all need to go outside , get some dick, weed, or something bcuz bkg would NOT like your ass”

Nowww I know that it was mainly targeted at like adult fanfic writers who write smut and to that I say : well yes ! Let’s not have these grown adults thirst over a teenager ( I could go on abt my personal opinions on that but that’s such a tired topic to me that I don’t need to say much really)

While that’s true and I know he’s talking about the smut in specific… I also think it’s kinda misogynistic WOAH DONT ROLL UR PRECIOUS PRETTY LITTLE EYEBALLS HEAR ME OUT YEAH?

I think that bcuz the second part where they say “ he would not like you “ is reminding me of the whole “ shaming girls for reading x readers of “bad” characters “ type of thing and well yea they just don’t wanna see girls have fun I fear

like fanfics r just for fun and you don’t have to like it but don’t hate on other people for liking it

Aswell as the first part is misogynistic too ( TO ME ) bcuz if there’s one thing I will never allow anyone to tell me is that I need to get fucked in order to calm down like and I think women get told that often especially lesbians so it’s just so icky to me ewww

Anyways the reason I started this was bcuz I went thru their account because if im being honest I was a lil defensive and I check ppls accounts when that happens so yea went through and they basically say that they’re a rage bait blog in a way that makes them seem rational yk like they said that ( also paraphrasing )“ im gonna post my hot takes and mess with peoples emotions because y’all deserve it and if u can’t handle opinions and discuss like an adult then get off”

So all I have to say to that is why are you lying??😭😭 like if you wanted to discuss then you wouldn’t be saying your opinions in a rude way like y’all need to understand if you’re rude like that then you shouldn’t be crying snowflake when people are upset with you !!! No civil discussion is going to be coming from that only arguments

Also they just sound supa! bitter like whether they’re rage bait or genuine in their opinions it’s just bitter to make a blog just to make people angry 😭😭

In conclusion (THANK GOD)

I just HATE HATE HAAAATEEE when people disguise their bitterness thru unpopular opinions, hot takes, problematic things ur fave has done, and the like because while I genuinely hope the best for them because I empathize with them it’s just really annoying 😭😭

[134340am]

not to b clingy but i miss my kiri anon :*(

[hazelcephalopod]

The Eye of the World Ch 29-30

This is just whump at this point. I could give a more dignified description, but I think that both captures the plot and spirit of the chapters. But specifically it’s Perrin Egwene whump.

Disclaimer: this is my first read thru but I’ve watched all of the show this far and been spoiled on some book things. So… I’m going to lean into that. Enjoy figuring out what I know, and what I think I know, and what I just don’t. Also s/x I add commentary when I edit.

Spoilers for the first book and up to the most recent episode under the cut. Potential spoilers for latter books.

Ch 29

Perrin POV

And we are back running. And running as fast and stealthily as possible. Tho, stealth may indeed do nothing for them

Bud. Accept the gift of the wolves.

Taking off his hat. That’s really smart actually

Honestly? Rarely been more nervous about birds. (Possible before in fiction. Once irl with some seagulls)

“A misshapen lump of torn fur marked what had been the fox.” (Perrin) seeing a flock of ravens take down a fox.

Go Egwene!

That’s no mist (?) (it’s the birds)

“Think, if you want to stay alive. Fear will kill you if you don’t control it.” -Elyas to Egwene and Perrin as the hide from the ravens. (‘Fear is the mind killer…’)

Damn and it’s only now midday. That is grueling.

Ohhh. Ohh. Oh no. I’m not going to describe that but that’s pretty bad even if it’s just a rabbit. Mmm. That’s some Birds shit right there

Ok. Yup. Ravens bad. Got it.

Didn’t need that image in my head.

So this and new powers angst? All the angst. All of it

I mean the wolves did and you’re people. With axes. And slings. Mainly axes tho

How is this worse than the Trollocs…? I guess an Aes Sedai really makes a big difference huh?

Ohhh noooo. Just the worse decision right there

The plot? Do I hear mercy from the plot? (Mm not really. Life yes)

“I feel as if I lost something.” -Egwene after Perrin feels something odd and Elyas looks like he knows something good(?).

“The One Power won’t work here; they can’t touch the True Source. Can’t even feel the Source, like it vanished. Makes them itch inside, that does. Gives them the shakes like a seven day drunk.” -Elyas on why neither Ravens who spy for the Dark One, nor any Trollocs, Fades, nor Aes Sedai would follow them where he’s led them.

Ah. It’s a stedding.

Ogier! (I later learn there aren’t any here. Disappointment…)

Yup. Gotta eat.

Oh. Don’t linger on that. Don’t need to answer that now.

“Artur Hawkwing’s eye. The eye of the High King himself. This is what his power and glory came to in the end.” -Elyas on the stone that was a statue -or marker?- they’ve made their fire against for the night.

Lore time!

Highlights of the lore- High King Artur “Hawkwing” Paendrag Tanreal united most of the Westland’s and some lands beyond the Aiel wastes. Sent armies across the Aryth. Ruled enough of the world it might as well have been all of it for Westlanders. And under it the common folk had peace and justice. Paid for by the sword, and with no mercy for lawbreakers or enemies of the state. Enemies of the state included Aes Sedai of Tar Valon, whom he warred against:”; also putting a price on their heads, 1k gold each. But the people loved him for the peace.

“An Aes Sedai healer could have saved him when he took sick… Be wouldn’t let one near him…” -Elyas (paraphrased) on Artur Hawkwing and Aes Sedai. Sounds familiar. (Much like a story from a shadow in the shadows.)

So yea it’s a statue. The people raised money for it. Because he was going to build a city in that stedding. But the city was never built because he died the day the statue was raised and his empire descended into chaos.

“…the last of the Hawkwing’s blood vanished from the earth — except maybe for some of those who went over the Aryth Ocean.” -Elyas on the fall of Hawkwing’s empire.

Ah. So the War of the Hundred Years basically The Dark Ages. That’s when the statue was pulled down (allegedly)

Ah. Right. Teens, nuance is a learned thing usually I suppose. It can always be both Egwene.

And on the lovely (/s) note of comparing the stone eye to a ravens the chapter ends.

Ch 30: Children of the Shadow

A sun! Odd considering the chapter name. (I later learn why. Not good why. But apt)

Still Perrin POV

Hey dude. Maybe. Now that you have the time. Perhaps, ask her? Hmm?

“… as long as you hate using it, you will use it more wisely than most men would. Wait. If ever you don’t hate it any longer, then will be the time to throw it as far as you can and run the other way.” -Elyas advising Perrin on keeping his axe and when to put it down.

What the hell is happening? That’s what I call dissociating but there’s wolf magic so..??

Oh no. Separating always goes poorly. (I later learn I was right)

Oh it’s people.

“Dapple says they smell wrong. It’s sort of the way a rabid dog smells wrong.” -Elyas on those people. Don’t like that. Somehow doubt it’s rabies and also wish it was rabies instead. (Even wolves hate WCs)

Love, why does anyone bother you? Yup. It’s sucks. They suck that’s why.

I’m sry. Wolf brothers get night vision? That’s pretty damn cool!

“I felt the rock.” -Perrin lied. To Egwene.

Oh it’s fucking Whitecloaks? Ugh.

“I told you somebody could hide in that? Isn’t that a horse?” -some Whitecloak pointing to Bela while she and Egwene and Perrin hide in the hand of a statue. Hilarious.

/Lol at my brother saying Perrins powers have no downsides. I mean mostly true honestly? So far so good. He’s just scared of it. I assume some people might be asshole. But for sure he’s got the least downsides of the rest of the TR crew. Right?/

Oh no.

Oh Hopper lost an eye. And killed a dude, sorta with Perrin

Wait… did Hopper fucking die?!

Oh no

Oh crap the coin!

BS Byar. You killed one of three

Yup. Sure. Totally that’s over

Bornhold. Truly. You may be the smartest Whitecloak ever. It’s a pretty low bar. And you are still mostly wrong.

And fuck off plz

Still an utter asshole of course

Well this is going poorly. But… doubt it could ever go well

Shocking that the Whitecloaks suck at their own damn mission /s. Though I suppose when everyone is dead there won’t be anymore Darkfriends.

Oh shit. They’re gonna kill Perrin

Tbh Whitecloaks suck worse than basically any enemy so far. It’s the banality of evil thing. Like these dudes have just existed, so I hate them more.

[begitalarcos]

Hey guys

Sorry I’ve been a bit quiet lately, had a pretty rough weekend and am still processing everything.

I’ll give you a little backstory, as you guys may know I’ve been working on our basement with my husband, we were desperately trying to get our entertainment room functional for Saturday because we were having a small party for my husbands birthday.

We got the room finished, with quite a few things we are going to have to fix in it (mostly mudding and sanding) but it’s functional.

The party started about 4PM and it went pretty good, it was nice to see everyone and catch up with people, one of our friends is expecting and another brought her 1 year old. We talked about my in laws finally getting married and I got to see my brother and his girlfriend, everything was going good.

By about 10 there were only three of our friends here who continued drinking and were going to spend the night or take time to sober up.

Here’s where things got out of hand

I’ll use fake names for them. So it was me, my husband, Ace, Seth and Zed. My husband was getting tired, we had played a few switch games and stuff and he figured he’d go to bed. Ace said he was probably gonna head home soon, my husband said only if he was taking a cab cause he was still obviously way too drunk to drive. Ace disagreed, my husband reminded him that his dad had drinking problems and he knew this, so he should either sober up or take a cab.

You could see right away that Ace was not happy to be compared to his dad but he didn’t say much of anything, I said I’d stay up to make sure everyone sobered up or made the right choices and my husband went to bed.

The four of us watched random YouTube videos on our projector screen for a bit but Ace was steadily becoming more and more irritated. Seth and I tried to defuse anything and changed the subject a lot but Ace kept trying to make points about things that didn’t even make sense. I kept bringing him water but he kept going back for more alcohol even though he said he was gonna sober up.

Eventually he decided he was going home, Seth and I protested but Ace went upstairs, my husband stopped him as he was putting his shoes on and again reminded him why it was a bad idea to leave drunk and that he shouldn’t drive. Things started to get heated with Ace arguing with my husband, Seth and Zed so I took it upon myself to pull Ace outside to the back deck in the hopes that the less testosterone the better.

He started crying and repeating things like “They all think they’re better than me, how dare they, I just came here to have a good time, they’re not my friends.” All while I was trying to calm him down, and he was swaying, I had to keep my hands on him so he wouldn’t fall off the deck, at one point he stepped back and almost did fall off the deck so I pulled him forward and… he cracked me hard across the face.

Now anyone who knows my history knows that I’ve been on the receiving end of drunken violence before, but it’s been a long fucking time since something like that has happened. I just kind of stood there shocked, of course started crying and Ace just fell apart in my arms sobbing.

My initial thought was I had just scared him by pulling him forward quickly and he just reacted. I dunno what the truth is though, a few minutes later my husband came out and tried again to calm Ace down but it didn’t work and eventually I had to let him go, he stumbled off the deck and declared he was going to walk home.

I went inside to see where Seth and Zed went and my husband went to the front deck to make sure Ace was in fact walking home. But he only got as far as the curb before he made a B line for his truck. My husband, Seth and Zed ran to try and stop Ace from leaving but he was already in his truck, he pulled out fast almost running my husband over and dragged Seth for a couple feet, who had grabbed onto the passenger door. He then drove over the median in our close and sped away.

Sigh 😞

We called the police but they were unable to find him and when I revealed that he’d actually hit me everyone lost their shit and I had a panic attack. So… yea

Sunday my husband and I basically just laid around trying to recover from the night before, Zed was sober and left at about 6AM and Seth had some kind of pop up tent he pitched in our backyard and stayed there till nearly 5PM the next day.

We haven’t heard from Ace at all, and I dunno if or when we will. But our friendship with him is pretty much over now. My husband had been helping him out a lot, he had a messy divorce, we helped him stop drinking once already and talked him down from a suicide attempt. We care about him a lot, I’m just not sure that’s enough. I think no matter what he had decided he was going home, drunk or not, and nothing we said or did was gonna change that.

I’m sorry this was really long winded. I could’ve paraphrased and made it short but I actually feel a little better now getting it all out.

I’m alright, still in a bit of a weird headspace but otherwise okay, my husband is about the same.

Just gotta take some time to decompress now I think…

Hope you guys are all doing well

Much love

- B

[void-galaxy-shenanigans]

((Anonymized name/initials for their safety because I don’t wanna be that a**hole even to a narc. Also note both our parents are narcissists, dad is extremely likely diagnosed, & our therapist also suspects (both from chance meeting him & from our sessions) he’s also a sociopath. Our brother might be a narcissist, & if not he’s still very narcissistic & neglectful & self centered to everyone in his life. So other than us, everyone mentioned is narcissistic at least, & likely a narcissist too.))

C (parents’ friend who’s a narcissist): I’m a god! This means anyone who stays around me for a long time is also a god! (/paraphrase)

((Note she’s also claimed to be Anubis’ wife & lover...she’s a cishet white woman from Idaho USA, European heritage.))

Mom, giggling: I’m a god!

Dad, serious tone: So if both your mother and I are gods, because we put up with— I mean, stay around [C], then you guys are gods too! Because you’re our kids! (/referring to us & our biological brother)

Dad, still serious: *goes on a very long explanation of dominant & recessive genes, referring to demigod as “little g” and deity as “big G” genes, & how if they’re deities we must be, especially because we also Put Up With™ C, & how Deity is a dominant gene, but even if it wasn’t with both parents being deities we’d still be one*

Us, to ourselves / not aloud: Oh no. She’s fueled their egos even worse.

Us, to them: Isn’t that narcissistic? And like....cult behaviour?

Mom, lighthearted as if it’s not bad: Yea, she’s definitely a narcissist 😂. And yea, that’s how cults start 🤷‍♂️.

Us: 😬 ...

Mom, semi jokingly in later conversation: You’re a god, poof and make it happen!

Me, very snarky & obviously non believing: Yea, just, ‘ta-dye-dye ta-dye-dye’ it into being. Poof, it’s fixed.

((For reference, when we were really little our dad would use the phrase ‘ta-dye-dye ta-dye-dye’ to pretend he did something magical, like unlocking & locking the car door with a key at a distance. He did that until we were roughly 11 & stopped believing it was magic (after other people told us it was technology, but he’s an IT tech so that didn’t deflate his ego). We were referring back to the BS stuff, but he took us too seriously.))

Dad, semi serious: See! You did it! 🥰🥰🥰 All of that was just training for you to be a god. 😁

((AKA ‘be a part of our charade of perfection’))

Me, to myself: Oh g*d no. Brainwashing, magical thinking, /and/ narcissistic thinking? I’m not falling into that trap.

I’m way too exhausted to deal with this, on top of everything else. The body is very physically ill right now & we went to work a full 8hr shift anyway (because we’re a new hire; it’s too soon to call in without being labeled flakey/unreliable & getting fired again).

They may be “just joking” now, but I can guarantee they’ll use the excuse ‘but I’m a god 🙂’ for labour demands & other sh!t down the road. 😕

~Nico

[shinymooncolor]

@siriuslyqueer gave us goalies, pining and angst. @wxlfstxrx some much needed fluff. So I thought we’d do a bromance hat trick with a little sweater weather chat. Love ya all 🏒❣️

@lumosinlove created a well of wonderful oc’s and they’re all my new mvp’s. 🥰

Sweater weather chats #3

Nado is fuckboy extraordinaire. Kuny is mad. Olli is so done. Logan does not have a curfew. Or does he? Dumo grounds Nado. Walker worships Noelle. Remus chokes on his tea. Kasey ruins zucchinis for Dumo. Does cars have names? There’s a ritual burning. Everyone is up early on a Sunday.

——

Sunday 3.44 am

7 missed calls from Nado.

Nado:

kuny please pick up

I’m sorry. Fuck I messed up okay.

I’m so sorry okay. Fuck just call me back.

Wtf you took my Porsche? Over the line man.

Fuck you told Sergei. His wife just cAlled and yelled. She’s terrifying. I’m sorry

Kuny please come home.

Sorry.

Please

Kuny

Kuny

Evgeni. Please I’m sorry okay

You’re my best fucking friend and you’re supposed to forgive me. I’m an idiot. Just come home. I’m not gonna stop texting. I will fucking not let you walk out on me man.

I said I was sorry. Please man. Sorry.

Please.

I’ll join some freakin cult and become a monk if it gets you to talk to me.

—-

Sunday 7.23 am

Nadotheman: guys has anyone heard from kuny yesterday or today? Please I need to speak to him

Sergei_81: give him some time. you did something bad and he’s mad. He will come home when he is ready

Nadotheman: he’s got my Porsche. Is he with you? Can I come over

Sergei_81: he’s not here. We got family visit. No time for your stupid fights

Prongstar: what did you do Nado? Ate his mom’s homemade cake again? Or did you forget to water his aloe Vera plant?

Ollibear: he’s here. Don’t call him.

Siriusly: what happened?

CarbO’Hara: Broke the fuckign code @nadotheman not cool

Prongstar: WHAT DID HE DO? @russiangod also how does finno know?

Ollibear: please stop texting him. I’m worried he might snap the remote or my PlayStation

LoganTremblayzzz: @nadotheman hope you got insurance. 911 turbo not looking good. Hahahaha

Prongstar: what. Happened?

Ollibear: he turned up here at 4 am, scaring the shit out of mrs. Williams next door. Woke up when she screamed. Apparently 6.4” Russian guy in a black hoodie is not what you expect to bang on your door at that hour. He’s been fuming in Russian ever since. And he ate all our Doritos. Stole nado’s Porsche. We gathered he’s mad at Nado but not sure why. Got him to at least talk to Sergei

Sergei_81: he’s got good reason to be mad. Nado can tell you what he did.

Timmyforrealz: what does this mean: он спал с моим двоюродным братом @sunnysideup @sergei_81

Sunnysideup: what?? Oh nado. This is bad.

Prongstar: I used google translate. @nadotheman you slept with his sister?!

Siriusly: !!!

Talkiewalkie: over the line bro. Damn.

Sunnysideup: wait he doesn’t have a sister? Does he?

Sergei_81: yes he means cousin.

DamnFoxy: wow. This is lowkey funny. Sorry but I’m laughing

Prongstar: spit my tea out

RussianGod left the conversation

Nadotheman: fuck look what you idiots did.

Siriusly: you did his cousin.

DamnFoxy: 😂😂😂

Talkiewalkie: uh not cool bro. Like. Fuck.

Timmyforrealz: you talkin about fucking sisters? Aren’t you putting the moves on Logan’s sister?

LoganTremblayzzz: @timmyforrealz 🤦🏽🙅🏼🙍🏾👎🏻🖕🏻

Talkiewalkie: I’m dating noelle. Not putting moves on her. I’m worshipping the very ground she walks on. She’s a goddess and I’m but a mortal man

Kaneyoudigit: can you just keep it in your pants for once, Nado…. jeez

Eliascookie: HAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHHH. You’re never meeting my sister. Ever. Damn.

Newt-leo: shut up this isn’t about noelle. Nado wtf? Didn’t wanna believe Finn and lo. He’s texted finn but in Russian. Think it was meant for sergei. Did you really sleep with his cousin?

Krisvolley: wow. Anyone checking up on Kuny? Shit. Can’t leave the two of you alone.

LeWilliam: yeah, is Kuny alright @ollibear? Also, @nadotheman - you freaked when he kissed that waitress. Karma is a fuckin bitch 😏

Nadotheman: fuck off cubs.

EvanderBell: oi. No need to be mad at us. You messed up. You deserve this. Also if he totals Dolores it’s totally on you!

Nado the man: shut up. Everyone. I know I screwed up okay? Fucking hell. They look nothing alike and she didn’t tell me.

Sunnysideup: didn’t you meet her through kuny?

Nado the man: well yea. went out for a drink. Kuny was being boring and went home. Talked to her and we got along and well.

Bradygunz: did you at least pay for her drink? Also uncool bro

Nado the man: I paid. Fuck off.

Dumodad: I’m away for 1 day. 1 day boys. @nadotheman do I have to ground you? Adele is serving 2 weeks for lying about her homework and having a boy in her rooM after curfew.

Prongstar: dropped the ball with Logan then @dumodad, eh?

Sergei_81: I support grounding Nado.

LoganTremblayzzz: @prongstar like lily didn’t ground you when you came home sans shirt and with kasey’s jeans on backwards Also I never had girls in my room after curfew. Also don’t have curfew.

Dumodad: yes you did. Curfew at least.

Blizzard: holy fuck. Just woke from a nap. Wtf? Also @prongstar, @logantremblayzzz never had GIRLS in his room. Just had Leo and finn. Playing hide the zucchini.

Siriusly: @blizzard. Loops just choked on his tea.

Dumodad: I can never eat a zucchini again. Merde

BliZzard: just keeping it real boys. Also don’t be hard on @nadotheman he’s a man whore. One day he’ll grow up

Nadotheman: I’m older kasey and shut up

Ollibear: Nado you really have to apologize.

Timmyforrealz: @nadotheman this is serious. Olli just ate a box of moomin cookies. Nado please fix your relationship. Olli can’t handle his parents fighting. He’s legit green looking. He’s eating junk food. I’m scared.

Nadotheman: Olli tell them you were there. She came on to me. She never mentioned Kuny

Ollibear: I’m not getting involved. Also you owe me $432 for the champagne. And he introduced you before he left.

Prongstar: 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Dumodad: @nadotheman you’re grounded. No clubbing or I will call your mom.

———

Sunday 7.56 am

Nado: Olli please is he with you guys? I need to speak to him.

Olli: I’m sorry he doesn’t wanna see you. Please give him some time.

Nado: 💔

—

Sunday 8.02 am

Nado: I’m not gonna leave. I’m parked outside and you’ve got to call the cops to get me to leave. You’re my best friend dammit and I’m sorry. Fuck please just talk to me!

Kuny: don’t want talk. Is hard. I’m smart in Russian. English stupid.

Nado: wait then get Olli or Timmy to type it. Just tell me how I can make it up to you.

Kuny: hi Nado. Olli here, I’m typing for him. Timmy is trying to salvage our remote.

I’m trying to type and understand ok? Kuny knows his cousin is (I’m paraphrasing here - I refuse to call a woman that) sociable and he’s mostly upset cause he’s worried about you. Okay he didn’t mean that - he means that he’s upset you slept with her but he’s also worried cause he says you fall in love too quickly. (You two are idiots - he’s trying to protect your feelings) he does not want me to type that. But he broke our remote. But he’s also mad you slept with her after he said not to. And he claims he did tell you. How much did you two drink? When I picked up the tab you’d only had a few bottles of champagne and you gave most of that to the hen party in the next booth. Also he’s mad you had sex - god, Nado - the living room, really? At least go into your bedroom. Apparently you had a deal you wouldn’t do that. Wow you need some self control buddy. Okay. Now he’s saying that he’s okay to talk to you. So you can come in. You better have showered!!!!

—-

Sunday, 8.27 am.

KrisVolley: @ollibear, what’s going on?

Ollibear: they’re fucking idiots. Stupid overgrown manbabies.

Timmyforrealz: well. Olli cursing is hilarious. It’s like Casper the friendly ghost saying fuck... 😂 Quite anti-climactic. Was anticipating a fist fight or at least a black eye. They just talked and @nadotheman cried. Ha. Long clingy chat short; Kuny was afraid his cousin was just using Nado - like he’d ever object? Nado admitted he was drunk and upset with Kuny over something else (they’re like my teenage twinsisters I swear) also Kuny was mad Nado fucked his cousin on the couch. So not classy @nadotheman... Jesus this soap opera is like the episode of friends where chandler is in a box.

Sergei_81: they ok?

Nadotheman added RussianGod to the chat

RussianGod: we good. But he has to do embarrassing thing now. I chose. Will think long before decide. Also he buy new couch

Prongstar: Kuny my dear friend - I will happily help think up evil revenge. Also burn the couch

Nadotheman: I didn’t fucking cry. He stinks. My eyes watered from the stench.

Blizzard: aw Nado its okay. We know you’re in an established bro-tionship.

Talkie-walkie: am I the only one worried about the Porsche? She does not deserve to suffer just because Nado is a slut.

RussianGod: dolores is fine. Love car too much. Only wanted to scare Jackie.

Nadotheman: stop calling me that kun(t)y. 😘

Ollibear: ffs you two just made up, just kiss and get the fuck out. I’m done being your therapist. Good night.

Timmyforrealz: they broke olli. He even kicked a chair and hurt his toe. Haha he’s cursing in Finnish. He also has hidden nado’s car keys. Dolores is ours now.

——

They did a ritual burning of the couch. Dumo did call Nado’s mother. She grounded him and gave Kuny a bunch of embarrassing photos of teenage Nado. We’re talking frosted tips and platform shoes.

[bladekindeyewear]

HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-08-23

More homestuuuuuck

I’m a little tired today so I don’t expect much intelligent analysis out of myself, but if anything classpecty happens I doubt I’ll be able to help myself regardless.

oh, always

(EDITS: added note on horn colors, link to ask on potential Blood powers reference)

> CHAPTER 12. Really Convoluted Metaphorical Horseshit

cuuute

In the bowels of a different ship, at a moment in time that is not pinpointable in either direction from the previous interaction, another Dave raps quietly to himself.

another dave raps quietly to himself.  i am glad that phrase exists it brings me joy

(LATER EDIT: A friend on Discord pointed out that throughout this entire update, Karkat's horns are #FF0000 red. They were normal candy-corn colors in previous glimpses at the ship crew, though they used a dark single-color shortcut typical of old Homestuck at one point... but THIS time it stays STARK red even when we zoom in close later. Is this just artistic liberty? Did Karkat color his horns for fashion? Does this happen to red-bloods like the Sufferer after a certain age? Just how much time has actually passed, here? We might have to wait for the commentary for this one.)

KARKAT: I WAS SAYING I THOUGHT WE MIGHT GO, I DUNNO, ANYWHERE ELSE ON THE ENTIRE SHIP WHILE THE CLOTHES WERE WASHING. KARKAT: SEEING AS THIS DECREPIT MACHINE WE WERE SO BLESSEDLY PROVIDED WITH MAKES A WHIRRING SOUND SO PANCHAFINGLY ARHYTHMIC THAT IT THREATENS TO ERADICATE THE ENTIRE CONCEPT OF TEMPO FROM THE UNIVERSE.

Karkat really has chilled out hasnt he?  like this is surprisingly level for him, and that fact is hilarious.

KARKAT: AND YET SOMEHOW BASICALLY ALL THAT HAS HAPPENED SINCE WE STARTED THE LOAD IS THAT YOU’VE BEEN USING IT AS A FUCKED UP BEAT TO WHISPER TO YOURSELF ABOUT FLOWERS TO.

oh gosh that’s why he’s rapping

> ==>

DAVE: kanaya was telling me this kids story the other day about this dude who didnt cherish a flower enough until it peaced out to do flower stuff idk its not pertinent to the story DAVE: except the flower was a person DAVE: because it was a metaphor

Oh right, coming back to the Little Prince stuff I was too lazy to metaphor-deep-dive into, and literally asking the same questions we were asking about who the Little Prince’s story applies to mapped here if anyone at all, like Dirk and such, or what biases were in the retelling of it and the way Kanaya phrased it.  So now we’re practically mocking it by deep diving it here, hence the last page’s “DAVE: i was just thinking through some really convoluted metaphorical horseshit”, which means we’re both about to further explore AND shit all over the existence of this story metaphor until it doesn’t mean anything and most of the meaning we drew from it earlier is made a joke~

well, not “we”, cause I was too lazy, so... y’all

DAVE: anyway what goes down in the story is that once the flower lady is out of the picture DAVE: the main character goes around making all these connections between her and everything else in the universe until every damn thing feels like a symbol for how much he fucked up and how much he will never see her again KARKAT: THIS SEEMS PRETTY FUCKING INTENSE FOR A KID'S STORY DAVE: yea thats pretty much what i said

Oh holy shit.  That’s yet another way to put it.  Are we doing a whole moral takedown of the Light aspect today?  cause it sounds like we’re taking a dump on the Light aspect and RoboRose getting too obsessed and immersed in it, which would be excellent

DAVE: but i guess its not so much what the story was technically textually about but more like the version of it kanaya internalized and then told me when we were talkin about how she misses rose

exactly

DAVE: so like now im taking the story she told me she was projecting her feelings onto and projecting my feelings on top of that

yes absolutely, you just rephrased it a different way with that exact same bias

DAVE: this is just one big game of emotional projection telephone so feel free to go paraphrase it to roxy later and make it about whatever fuckin thing youre currently missing

perfect. i need an emoji for that Italian thing for when you pinch your thumb and forefinger together and kiss it

ah this’ll do:

its like the expression “choice” but in nonverbal form

[...] whatever fuckin thing youre currently missing KARKAT: YOUR ABILITY TO GET TO THE POINT DAVE: gotem DAVE: anyway you’re not gonna have to miss that skill of mine for long DAVE: get ready for this shit because i am about to slap you with the point so hard youll fall ass first into the washer DAVE: just scrambling around in there getting all sudsy DAVE: but your brain is gonna be so blasted from the mindfreak of a point im about to make that there wont be anything left to clean

Anytime dave is told to get to the point he is contractually obligated to spend at least 20 seconds talking about how he’ll get to the point in a way that is not getting to the point

DAVE: so its genuinely cool that kanaya can go around creating meaning that may or may not be actually present in every little thing DAVE: connecting every feeling she has to the idea of her wife existing out there DAVE: so i told her she should keep that shit up DAVE: but im having the opposite issue where im struggling to find anything to be that kind of tether because every single thing i could possibly consider about what it is were doing just reminds me of yet another thing to be afraid about

Great examples of Light being good and bad!  Attaching strands of connective meaning to everything.  --though, in Dave’s case AND Kanaya’s case you could argue it’s both bad in terms of effects.  That it’s great for Kanaya to care, but that she should be able to divest herself and live on her own terms without idealizing Rose literally everywhere she looks, personal growth which would be useful in helping bring Rose back to her in the first place.  The struggle they’re looking forward to is largely philosophical, not just physical, and until Rosebot acknowledges that she was wrong it’s not over.

DAVE: everything fuckin sucks huge cosmic donkey sack and im terrified KARKAT: OK, SO I FEEL LIKE YOU SKIPPED A COUPLE NECESSARY STEPS IN YOUR POINT CLARIFICATION PROCESS.

Pretty sure Dave was on the same page as most Epilogue and start-of-HS2 readers.  This situation is pretty bleak to dump our heroes into, no matter how much we believe will be resolved in the long run.

DAVE: ok but were you going with sweet or savory please give me that much at least KARKAT: YEAH IT WAS GOING TO BE SUNDAE-BASED. DAVE: nice KARKAT: YEAH. KARKAT: DO YOU WANNA WATCH MORE GBBO AFTER THIS? DAVE: absolutely

--ah, Great British Bake-Off, can’t say I’ve indulged

do they still have that?? did they save it from old Earth?  or did they go where unflooded Britain used to be and say hey, new show reboot

KARKAT: GREAT. ANYWAY, LIKE I WAS SAYING, FOR THE LOVE OF SWEET HUMAN CHRIST, PLEASE BACK UP TO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU’RE ACTUALLY SCARED OF. KARKAT: ALSO COME HERE, IDIOT.

That last line is like, exactly as fucking sweet and awesome as we imagined their relationship to be.  :)

> ==>

OH MY GOD THAT’S ADORABLE

DAVE: ok yeah this is a better position to unleash all my inner fears n anxieties from

indisputably.

DAVE: those times its like my mouth was saying words about the situation wherein our friends are AWOL and maybe dead but my brain wasnt fully letting me experience the emotion that goes along with them DAVE: man its like i cant even start genuinely thinking about how afraid i actually am for rose and john without my brain flippin its wad and whiting out DAVE: like haha fuck i hope theyre ok DAVE: now i better make a fuckin joke before i succumb to the gaping mouth of despair waiting for me to fall in it as soon as i look down and acknowledge that its there ogling how juicy my ass looks as it trembles with terror

I really hope that the writers of HS2 know full well that this feeling? the one Dave is describing here? is what many of us who got way overinvested in the well-being of Homestuck’s surviving characters felt reading the Epilogues and Homestuck^2.  So I really hope they’re working through it in a way that will result in a preponderance of GOOD THINGS happening and hope-filled situations.  Cause that “can’t even think about X” feeling is too familiar, and if they understand it as well as it LOOKS like they’re getting to, I’d really like them to give us a helping hand healing.

I think that’s what they’re going for?  Seems hopeful for me to think so, but they HAVE been doing better as HS2 has been going forward, from an emotional standpoint anyway; definitely better than the Epilogues.  And I’ve worked through some of that stuff with the help of that, because it’s MUCH easier nowadays to think about Homestuck without my gut clenching.

DAVE: i guess im just fucked up about how to worry about dirk and be angry at him at the same time DAVE: because if i get as unholy pissed at him as i sometimes wanna be i also gotta admit to myself that maybe i coulda done something different there

Mhmm, Karkat’s potentially a pretty good person to speak with here since he’s done so much work trying not to feel responsible for everything that’s ever gone wrong.

DAVE: also like DAVE: and this by the way adds a whole other layer of guilt on there that i dont really know how to fuckin reckon with but DAVE: even with all the shit hes pulled and the fact that we are more or less heading toward having to take him down DAVE: whatever that is gonna mean and whether or not he planned it like that DAVE: i just DAVE: me and him had come so far with each other and it was really cool for a while to have him and i DAVE: ugh DAVE: i dont WANT to hate him

Yeah, Dirk and Jane’s heel-turns were really shitty for anyone who was a fan of them in the fanbase, as well.

KARKAT: WELL THEN QUIT FUCKING PICKING AT THE SEAM ON MY SHORTS AND SPIT IT OUT. THEY'RE BARELY HANGING ON TO THE DEFINITION OF "SHORTS" AS IT IS.

That is an adorably real boyfriend-laying-in-boyfriend’s-lap thing to do

DAVE: the part i mentioned before about how we really have no goddamn clue how long this trip is even gonna take DAVE: i cant help but feel like its barely getting revved up DAVE: and for me and roxy and jade and callie and kan thats normal shit at best and boring at worst but we all have our immortality to thank for that DAVE: we can just dick around in space for near-eternity waiting to catch up to our friends who may or may not be our enemies now and itll be fine DAVE: i mean no itll be categorically miserable DAVE: but well survive it KARKAT: HOLD THE FUCK ON. DAVE: but you KARKAT: DAVE. DAVE: no lemme say this

Oh god damnit.  Karkat’s limited lifespan.  As if we hadn’t ALREADY covered a nauseatingly extensive gamut of disheartening topics of conversation.  We really have to confront every shred of misery in their past, present and future one after the other after the other in the Epilogues and HS2, don’t we?  >:(

I guess it had to be discussed, though.

DAVE: we dont talk about it much and i got shit to say about it DAVE: its not like i never thought about how youre mortal before but i just thought wed be able to figure it out before it mattered DAVE: come up with some kind of plan DAVE: i was just distracted being happy with you i fucking guess and so i didnt think up a way to fix it DAVE: and now thanks to dirk we have to work it out right the fuck now DAVE: because i cant spend this trip just sitting around watching you get old and die

Jesus.  I mean, WE know(?) that it’s not gonna be THAT many years, but THEY don’t know that.

Unless it really IS going to be that many years and HS2 is going to shamelessly take a fucking sledgehammer to our feelings for no goddamn good reason.  Which it won’t!  Right???  >:T

> ==>

Dishwasher ding

> Dave: Grapple with the clean, soggy consequences of the passage of time.

Hey, don’t make it a metaphor here. --though, fuck.  I suppose we are dealing with everyones dirty laundry.  God damnit.  SURE, deal with it all story but then GET IT OUT OF THE WAY AND PUT SOME SERIOUS FUN AND LAUGHS IN HERE so we don’t feel like we’re wading through an entire garbage dump!!!  *click*

Karkat’s eyebrows-only mouthless frown is really cute.

> ==>

okay Karkat explain the nope you’re lodging

> ==>

*put*

> ==>

*foot*

> ==>

DAVE: ok go on

I mean I at least appreciate the time investment in adorable boyfriends.  That’s definitely something of SOME good value they’re giving us in exchange for this misery

> ==>

That Karkat image makes me wanna do that red-shaky-gif-thing with it

KARKAT: IT'S NOT LIKE I'M NEW TO THE PARTICULAR MOOBEAST WRANGLING EVENT OF SOMEONE I PREVIOUSLY LOVED BRUTALLY TURNING ON ME AND LEAVING ME TO TRY AND CRAM MY FEELINGS ABOUT THE SITUATION BACK TOGETHER ALL ON MY OWN.

True

KARKAT: HE DID THAT ON HIS OWN. AND WE MADE THE CHOICE TO GO AFTER HIM ON OUR OWN.

Yes, and you’ll possibly convince him more of that over time, though not in this short conversation

KARKAT: I WAS FOLLOWING YOUR LITTLE TRAIL OF COOKIE CRUMB FEARS UNTIL IT LEAD TO THE BIG SNACK FINALE OF WORRY ABOUT MY FRAGILE MORTAL MEATSACK. KARKAT: IF I HAVE SOMEHOW NOT BEEN CLEAR ABOUT THIS WITH YOU YET, LET ME GO AHEAD AND RECTIFY THE SITUATION RIGHT THE FUCK NOW. KARKAT: HANGING OUT WITH YOU ON THIS LONG TRIP TO WHO THE SHITTING FUCK KNOWS WHERE IS QUITE LITERALLY THE HAPPIEST I HAVE EVER BEEN IN MY ENTIRE MEAGER EXISTENCE. KARKAT: I'M SO ABSOLUTELY BLISSED THE FUCK OUT OF MY MIND TO BE ABLE TO LOOK AT YOUR STUPID IMMORTALLY SMOOTH HUMAN FACE SKIN EVERY DAY AND NOT HAVE A COMPLEX ABOUT IT.

D’AWWW

And with that darkly angry expression too, that’s PERFECT

I mean it’s true.  What exactly would they be doing DIFFERENTLY on Earth C other than enjoying each other like this?  It’s pretty fucking great.

...hm.  Isn’t this journey-not-the-destination stuff pretty Breathy?  Karkat’s proving more balanced by the moment.

KARKAT: AND I'LL BE STRAIGHT WITH YOU. IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVEN'T BEEN EXPERIENCING SOME COMPLICATED GUILT, MYSELF. KARKAT: THE FACT THAT I'M HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE JUST FUCKING CHILLAXING AND BEING IN LOVE IN SPACE IS A CLEARLY INCONGRUOUS WITH THE REASON I'M ACTUALLY HERE CHILLAXING TO BEGIN WITH, AND I'M NOT LETTING MYSELF FORGET THAT, EITHER.

Pff.  He feels guilty for ENJOYING IT so much.  <3

KARKAT: BUT I RESENT THE IMPLICATION THAT MY HAPPINESS IS REGISTERING FOR YOU AS YOU HAVING TO JUST "SIT AROUND AND WATCH ME GET OLD," BECAUSE I KNOW YOU KNOW IT'S MORE THAN THAT.

I’m glad Karkat knows that DAVE knows somewhere in him that it’s more than that, because yeah, if Karkat thought he DIDN’T know that at some level that’d be a reason to take MUCH MORE SERIOUS offense.

KARKAT: LIKE, JESUS, DAVE. YOU KNOW I'M AFRAID FOR YOU, TOO, RIGHT? KARKAT: OR DID YOU FORGET THE WHOLE HEROIC DEATH THING? KARKAT: I WORRY ABOUT LOSING YOU FAIRLY FUCKING REGULARLY.

Hah!!!  Point taken.  Karkat must view Dave as practically more fragile than HIM.

KARKAT: ONE: WE'VE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH HELLACIOUS PANWARPING TRAUMA THAT I REFUSE TO NOT ENJOY THIS SHIT WHEN I FINALLY FUCKING GET IT, NO MATTER HOW LONG IT MAY OR MAY NOT LAST. KARKAT: TWO: IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE DOING NOTHING. WE’RE MOVING. WE’RE WORKING. WE’RE HEADED SPECIFICALLY TO A PLACE WHERE WE WILL UNDOUBTLEDLY ENDURE YET MORE FUCKING HELLACIOUS PANWARPING TRAUMA. KARKAT: AND THREE: WE'RE DOING THAT BECAUSE WE HAVE FRIENDS WHO WE CARE ABOUT THAT NEED US. THAT IS OUR FOCUS, HERE. NOT OUR FEAR. IT'S ABOUT THE PEOPLE WE HAVE TO SAVE. KARKAT: SO DON'T FUCKING WORRY ABOUT ME, DAVE. I'M FINE.

Okay, this is great and wholesome.  I am now retroactively GLAD that this topic got brought up.  :)

> ==>

Dave is still afraid. There is a part of him that will always be, he thinks. He has accepted this about himself. There is another feeling coursing through him too, though. It’s something he's felt before, though never quite so intensely. He looks up at Karkat and understands, viscerally, the simple power his words have. They pump through Dave’s own body, alive and warm and true.

He wonders if Karkat realizes it, or if he’s just, as always, saying what he feels as he feels it. Dave doesn’t attempt to dissect it further. There will be time for that later.

Every really loving moment like this is sort of undercut by the fact that it’s also, in some senses, part of alt!Calliope’s narration and, by extension, her fanfiction.

EDIT 2: There's also either a hint to potential Blood powers or even an explicit Blood power use here that I didn't recognize. I'm leaning towards it's-laying-the-groundwork-for-future-use-of-Blood-powers-but-isnt-magical-in-this-case.

> ==>

Smooooch!

That was nice.  Still gonna wait on doing any commentary til next time or a Bonus update or two, cause I’m beat.  See y’all next time!

[clickbaitcas]

what are some of the worst tweets misha has made? Just so that i know what ballpark we‘re in when you say he would‘ve been cancelled already.

Ok so most of them are OLD and have been deleted so I'm just gonna paraphrase. But one he made a really terrible joke about his wife being replaced by an undercover taliban (apparently people were wishing her happy bday when it wasn't her bday or something idek).... He joked about roofie-ing a bunch of people on a boat....ugh there was one other but I don't remember. I think the first one was 2014 and the second was 2011 ish. And he's since deleted them (ofc you can find them on the internet or probably a w*ncest page if you really want). But like, yea those weren't ok. And since twitter is the way it is..... Yea. Also the joke about Vicki he apologized for within 10-15 minutes and said he'd just come home from like a really long day on set and wasn't thinking and has since realized that it was really bad.. But those were the tweets I was referring to.

[tabithahallows]

I'm bored so imma rant about my hp o.c and no one can stop me :)

Meet my salty snake child Val (aka, Valentine Lestrange) (aka Valentine Elladora Druella Lestrange) (aka that %100 that bitch) She is the star of an ongoing fic of mine beware of spoilers (TRIGGER WARNING: mentions of abuse and violence)

If the name didn't give it away, she's only child of them crazy mofos Bellatrix and Rodolphus

Yes I am aware that it's kind of an overdone trope but it's overdone cause it's awesome (also I made her when I was like 13 so shut up)

Lives with the Malfoy's cause her rents are rotting in a cell duh

When she was 8 Dumbledore randomly appeared in her garden and was like to wanna buy some drugs join my evil snake man killing and Chosen One protection team cause you're such a badass and she was like lol ye okay and it shapes the entire plot

It's a secret so Val has to act like a crazy sadistic blood purist but sike it's all an act. She just keeps up the appearance so one can guess she's actually just tryna protect Harry all the time cause plot and she's actually rlly good at it btw (all the fun of a villain while still being a good person)

Her besties are her shitty cus Draco, life long irritation Leah Lovat (o.c), sweetie angel child whom they all love and protect Olivia Benson (o.c), basic but charming ass kid Liam Highcourt (o.c) and Blaze Zambini yea you read that right I don't spell his name correctly it's a long story (cannon honestly written so ooc that it doesn't matter at this point)

They are all basically nuts. Just overdramatic twats with questionable upbringing's. They are all trash but you will love them. You have no choice

Val is a genius, like a for real prodigy type deal in both academics, magically ability and wit. Legit %89 percent of the stuff that comes out of her mouth is just sarcasm

She only wears black cause she's a melodramatic dumbass but would never admit it

She's also scary af. Has half the school traumatized within a week

Sinnamon roll™

What's shorter? Her or her patience? We will never know

Actually has morals and doesn't agree with her fams purist views

Has the best dynamic with Snapey Kins from a writers point of view. He knows that she's involved with Dumbledores Plan™ and before you freak there is NO romantic/sexual relationship between Val and Snape (it's legit just a slow burn friendship that neither of them wants to admit to)

Val and Snape openly hate each other's guts and can't be in the same immediate area without screaming at each other. He's petty and she's vindictive so shit hits the fan often and quickly. They're basically just as bad as each other when you really get down to it. Val pretty much tells Snape that he's a useless bitch (paraphrasing) on the first day of class and the rest is history

Everyone gets used to it super quick and just lets them go for it because it's not worth getting caught in the crossfire. Dumbledore finds it amusing but only for the first couple of years cause come one guys can you stop screaming we got shit to do

It's her job to protect Harry so can you imagine can you fucking fathom how stressful that shit is? cause the boy is always in trouble or some kind of danger and Val is just like BOI STAPH standing in the Quidditch stands hoping he don't die

Val and Snape slowly very slowly develop into having a seriously convoluted and overprotective friendship while still managing to hate each other so they would kill for one another but would also still kill each other. They do end up genuinely caring about one another an it's h e a r t b r e a k i n g

Yo I never said it was a healthy friendship we are dealing with two very fucked up individuals here in a high stress high stakes situation, my lads. I'm not trying to write the kind of friendship ppl should actually have (Val and Snape need so much therapy tbh)

Val's a badass that can handle anything and more but like she's also human so after while things get a lil you know

t r a m a t i c

She didn't have a fantastic childhood btw cause Lucius Malfoy is an abusive prick and Narcissa means well but needs to do so much better.

She will fight you anywhere anytime and she will win because she's kinda overpowered for a literal child but it fits my aesthetic so whatever

She's aroace (so no romantic plot involving her in sight) she just doesn't know for a while cause her life is a constant shit show

Has a proper upper-class aristocratic lady upbringing but still turned out to be a feral child

She is super short by the way literally doesn't hit 5'0 until she's like 14 (Blaze is in the same boat). Cause Snape is like 6'0 or something he can just pick her up and throw her if he wants but she starts fighting like a feral cat the second he touches her

She's really protective of her friends and her cousin and will kill you if you so much as look at them wrong. She knows they are trash but they are Her Trash™

She's actually a super lovable character and you will want to adopt her because she's amazing and no I will not accept hate because she is MY CHILD OKAY

There is so much angst going on oh my god Val never gets a fucking break cause life be like that sometimes

Okay that's it folks I swear it's so much better than it actually sounds or maybe it's not meh

@fandomssaremysoul @incorrect-pretending-to-hate

[albapuella]

How to Lose a Lover in 10 Days or Less: A Comprehensive Guide to Becoming a Future Romantic Failure (Chapter One)

AO3

Fandom: Homestuck

Summary: How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days AU Dave needs to win a bet; Karkat needs to write an article. Shenanigans ensue.

Tags: Humanstuck, alternate universe - no sburb session, POV switches galore, implied/referenced child abuse Author’s note: This story is the result of a jam session I did with aceAdoxography on the davekat thirst federation discord server. This one's a little out of my usual wheelhouse, but I hope you will enjoy reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it. New chapters every Saturday/Sunday.

I also tried to be fancy with the html, but it didn't come out right (you will see what I mean). However, I'm leaving it as is for now.

Chapter 1: Inciting Incidents 

Day 0:

“I'm smooth as peanut butter,” Dave protested, his coffee sloshing in its cup as he swung his arm out. “Choosy moms might choose Jiff, but I ain't in the market for an older woman at the moment. Just call me Skippy, because that's how smooth I am.”

Rose looked both unimpressed and unconvinced. “Really?” She took a small, dignified sip of her tea.

“Yes!” Dave frowned. “I'm like super suave. Fucking James Bond over here.”

She squinted at him for a moment. “You do realize that James Bond is characterized by his inability to keep any woman with him longer than the length of one of his movies.”

“That's only because he's too much man to be tied down,” Dave said. “And that's not even the point: the point is that the fucker's suave. He can have any girl he wants.”

“And I suppose you can get any boy you want?” It sounded dismissive. “It would be wonderful if you managed that feat before my wedding. You know how mother worries about you, and I would rather not spend the first day wedded to my wife listening to mother wailing about how her poor little Davey's going to be all alone in the world.”

Dave felt the flush creeping up his cheeks, and he wasn't sure if he was experiencing his future humiliation already or if he was getting mad. Just because he couldn't keep a relationship going for long, that didn't mean he wasn't smooth. It wasn't his fault that up until very recently he'd only pursued girls because he hadn't wanted to admit he was gay... Okay, yes, that actually was his fault. The point was of course those relationships had failed. His relationship prowess had never been given a fighting chance. “Yeah, I could. In fact, I could make any of the guys here fall for me.”

“Very well, brother of mine,” Rose said, smiling that particular smile which tended to portend bad things for the person it was directed at, “how about that one?” She pointed to a man sitting alone at a table on the other end of the cafe.

Dave looked over at him without making it obvious he was doing so. Damn, Rose. The guy was a snack, obviously, but his expression indicated that the whole world had pissed in his cornflakes one at a time and had made him miss the bus to his job at the blow job factory. Still, it was too late to back out now. “Fine,” he said, setting down his cup just a little too hard. “I'll see you in two weeks, Rose, and I'll have him on my arm in a matching tux. We're going to be the hottest, gayest penguins you've ever fucking seen.”

She laughed at him. Which was fine: he was going to have the last laugh here. And there was no time like the present. He stood and strode over to the other table, curving his mouth in his smoothest, suavest fucking smile.

The man had noticed Dave's approach and looked up from his coffee, the ire on his face now joined by confusion. “Can I help you?” His voice was rough but not unpleasant. His tone was less pleasant, but Dave had expected that from his expression.

“I sure hope so,” Dave said. He put one hand on his hip and held the other out to the man. “I've just lost my name: can I have yours?”

The man blinked. Then he laughed—less amused and more disbelieving. “Seriously? You're seriously going to open up with that? That has to be the cheesiest fucking pick up line I've heard in my life. And I've heard a lot of them.”

Dave only grinned. Breaking the ice was just one of Dave's many talents. “What can I say, dude, I'm a connoisseur of fine cheese. Premium, aged in wooden crocks or whatever.” He waggled his hand. “Don't leave me hanging.”

The man looked from Dave's hand to his face and back again before heaving a sigh. He shook Dave's hand, his grip solid but not crushing. “Karkat.” Then he frowned. “What do you want?”

“Thought that was obvious, Karkat,” Dave said, trying the name out. He liked it. “I want to ask you out. On a date. I'm Dave, by the way,” he added quickly. It probably would have been smarter to open up with that. It also occurred to Dave that there were a lot of other variables he hadn't considered until this moment. “If you're single. God, I hope you're single. And into guys. Otherwise, I'm going to feel pretty stupid.”

Karkat opened his mouth but didn't speak as something too quick for Dave to pick up flashed across his face. Then he grinned, perhaps a little too widely. “You're in luck,” he said. “I am in the market for a date.”

Oh. “Cool. Cool, that's—” Dave broke off with a fake cough into his fist. “Yeah, uh. So, are you free tomorrow? Night?”

A slow nod. “Yeah. Sure. Sounds great.” He dug through his bag and took out a small notepad. “Do you use Pesterchum?” he asked as he scribbled something down.

“I think everyone and their grandmother uses Pesterchum,” Dave said, still kind of surprised that this was going as well as it was. “Not my grandmother, I don't have one, but you know, grandmothers. Or the tech savvy ones anyway. I think your average grandmother might have some trouble—the text is kind of tiny, isn't it?”

Karkat looked up from his writing. “Right.” He ripped the page out and held it out to Dave. “Message me, and we can set up that date.”

Dave took the paper. “Thanks, I'll, uh, message you soon!” Without waiting for a response, he turned on his heel and made his way back to Rose. He knew his face was burning, but he decided to believe it was the flush of victory rather than anything else. She was still smiling at him, and he held the paper out in front of her face. “See? I've already got his chumhandle. You're going to eat your words, Rose. I hope you like the taste of humble pie.”

Rose laughed behind her hand. “Nice work, Dave,” she said once she'd recovered. “Try not to break his heart, won’t you?”

“What?” Dave shook his head. “His heart is going to be wrapped in three layers of bubble wrap and under ten pounds of packing peanuts.” He shoved the paper into his pocket. “I got this thing on lock.”

---

Karkat tore his eyes away from the retreating Dave to jot down some notes on his notepad. Looked like he'd be able to write this article sooner rather than later. Unless Dave had been dared to come over and get his phone number. That had happened before. He scowled into his coffee. Well, if Dave never got in touch with him, then he'd just use his last disaster of a relationship to base his article on. That was what he'd planned to do originally anyway.

It wasn't a secret around the office that Karkat Vantas, despite being a font of romance wisdom, was dead in the water when it came to dating and keeping a boyfriend. He attributed this mostly to his abhorrent personality and lack of self-control. Whenever the opportunity came up for him to stick his foot in his mouth, you could find him there, furiously chewing on his toes. He'd lost count of how many times a date had ended because he'd said something he shouldn't have. Or rather, screamed something he shouldn't have at the top of his lungs with more profanity than was warranted in retrospect.

So, of course, the boss knew about Karkat's lackluster love life, too. The assignment had been one of her little jokes. One of her little mind games. “Oh, Mr. Vantas, please write an article about how to fuck up a relationship in less than two weeks—it should be easy for you seeing as you're such an expert at being so noxious that no one but your handful of friends can even stand to be anywhere around you, never mind a stranger who doesn't know your history or has any reason to want to stick around and deal with your bullshit.” Paraphrased, of course. Her version had been much less honest.

He re-read his notes.

* Dave, no last name given. Terrible pick up line. Rambles. Idiot or awkward. Or both. Dresses like a color-blind douche bag. Obnoxious sunglasses. Vision impaired? Hot. Attractive. Moderately attractive.

His phone buzzed in his pocket, and he set down his notepad to fish it out. He frowned down at the screen. A notification from Pesterchum? His heart rose a little despite himself until he saw the name. Kanaya. He sighed. While he was happy she was happy, he couldn't handle being gushed at right now. He put the phone on the table and finished his coffee.

---

Dave dithered for hours before he finally decided on the perfect message to open communications with.

TG: this is dave from the cafe TG: wanted to say hey TG: and ask what you want to do Saturday

Okay, so it wasn't the best rap ever, but he was stretched for material here. Also, it probably wasn't a good idea to blow up this guy's phone before Dave got some confirmation that this was even Karkat's chumhandle. It wouldn't be the first time someone had given him a dud. At least the messages were going through: that was a good sign.

CG: ARE YOU RHYMING ON PURPOSE? TG: hell yea dog TG: mc strider here by popular demand to lay down the jams TG: ive got all my adoring fans just waiting for me to shower them with stanz- TG: -as like youve never seen its a dream come true straight to you

That was enough; he had to give Karkat some time to respond. Assuming this was Karkat.

TG: this is karkat right? CG: OH I CAN TALK NOW? CG: YES THIS IS KARKAT. CG: AS CHARMING AS THIS IS (AND I AM SO UTTERLY CHARMED RIGHT NOW), DO YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO GO ON A DATE WITH ME? TG: totally i totally do i knew as soon as i saw you yea im taking this total snack on a date

Which was not a lie, technically. Yes, Dave liked how Karkat looked, but he probably wouldn't have gone over to his table without Rose egging him on.

TG: where do you want to go skys the limit TG: but not really TG: cause no offense but i just met you TG: and i dont think were at the stage where id be willing to sell one my kidneys TG: to make your dreams of jumping out of an airplane onto the back of a narwhal or some shit like that come true TG: thats like after at least date number 5 and id expect some kind of thanks TG: at least a tongue kiss or something TG: not that i think you need to pay for dates physically TG: thats all kinds of gross TG: forget i said any of that please CG: … CG: HOW ABOUT DINNER AND A MOVIE. LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE. CAN WE DO THAT?

Dave grinned with relief. He'd thought for sure he'd just blown this.

TG: sounds great nothing beats the classics

With that sorted out, the rest had been easy. Dave closed his phone, feeling accomplished. He was really doing this. He was really making this happen. But first, he had some clothes to throw in the shower!

---

Karkat slid his phone back into his pocket with a sigh. Well, now he had a date for tomorrow. He looked down at the new set of notes he'd written during that 'conversation'.

* Last name Strider? Raps without provocation. Definitely visually impaired. Goes off on wild tangents. I'm going to be murdered. What the hell am I doing?

It had been difficult not to react in his normal way to the frankly bizarre things Dave had said, and he knew that was only going to be more difficult to manage in person. Still, he had to 'hook' this man as best as he was able before he could fuck it up like always. After all, he couldn't 'lose' a guy he never 'had', right? He idly entertained the thought of what 'having' Dave might be like. He was clearly crazy, but there was something endearing in his total inability to communicate like a regular person. The way he'd been so obviously nervous and out of his depth when he'd come over to ask Karkat out. The way his cheeks had flushed when Karkat had accepted. The way his body had moved when he'd walked away.

Shaking his head, Karkat tucked the notepad into his bag. No point in even thinking about it. Even if he weren't getting into this just to ruin the relationship for his article, the end would have been the same anyway. Honestly, he was doing Dave a favor: at least this way, Dave would only be wasting ten days worth of his time rather than torturous months of dealing with Karkat's bullshit before finding an excuse to cut him loose.