#Batfam is confused

[sammygrimoire]

Everyone felt confused as the glow of the summoning circle finally died down, the League had managed to subdue the cultists too late and now...

Wait, who and what were the cultists trying to summon?

Constantine stared at the ghost? bride?? That appeared over the summoning circle, looking confused and tired. The lead cultist had clearly screamed about summoning the Ghost king... wait, this dumbasses didn't accidentally managed to summon its bride did they???

Oh no, oh nononononono--

Danny just want a nap after a whole week of doing paperwork.

[nelkcats]

Honorary Yeti

Frostbite is Leslie Thompkins teacher and inspiration, how this happened? When she was a kid, she fall through a natural portal and ended in Far Frozen, the Yetis were scary until they offered a warm blanket and hot chocolate.

Because she was just a little girl she marveled at everything she was looking at, it seemed so new and shiny. But what attracted her the most was seeing one of the Yetis explaining how to correctly apply a bandage, saving the life of a bright blue being.

Everything was like a dream, with the Yetis starting to teach her everything they did, her learning how to deal with "ghosts" and "liminals", although the latter seemed to be very rare, but no one explained to her correctly what she was learning.

Frostbite was the one who explained everything about medical knowledge to her, and she wanted to be a doctor. However, after waking up in her bed, everything seemed like a dream, and even if she doubted it was, who would believe that her greatest inspiration was a Yeti?

More precisely, this inspired her to learn all possible medical fields, and to become accessible to everyone who needed it.

When the rumored "Great One" she saw in her dreams visited Gotham City with an injury, she was prepared.

[incorrectbatfamandfriends]

Riddler: Riddle me this boy-

Riddler: Batman?

Batman!Dick: Yes?

Riddler: Who the fuck is this?

Batman!Dick: This is Robin.

Riddler: Obviously. But he’s different. He’s all scowly. Where’s the fun one, who likes my riddles?

Batman!Dick: He’s taking some PTO. Can we get on with this?

Riddler: No.

Batman!Dick: What? Why not!

Riddler: Well I would but it wouldn’t be very fair. See the riddles I had for tonight were kind of specific to a couple of past games me and the other one had done.

Batman!Dick: What you never did that for me when I was Robin-

Riddler: Yes well it just wasn’t as fun with you.

Batman!Dick: So what, are you going to just let the hostages go?

Riddler: Well I guess. I’ll have to come up with something different, we can reschedule.

Batman!Dick: So what, do we just take you back to Arkham or-

Riddler: *shrugs* That’s fine. I’ll just table this one for when he gets back.

[shit-talker]

Au where damian rocks up to gotham but jason didnt come back and just decided to go to university in Europe without telling anyone he's alive.

Dick, after Damian called Jason, a mean name : Damian, you cant talk about the dead like that, it's really rude.

Damian, who knows Jason's alive and figures the batfam just really hates Europeans : ...ok.

[dragonpyre]

Ok but au where Jason had vitiligo or poliosis since he was a kid and always had the white hair streak but just dyed it when he was with Bruce so as to not give away Robins identity. Stops doing that after he died cuz there wasn’t really a point. Somehow the rest of the family (minus Bruce) didn’t even KNOW he has poliosis/vitiligo and just assumes it’s a death thing

This leads to many confusing conversations

[puppetmaster13u]

You know what I need more of? The Batkids completely fucking with the Justice League and their rogues and coming up with stories for their existence.

Like I am talking about the creation of demigods sort of stories, like Loki sort of stories.

Duke has convinced all of Gotham that he's the Bat Signal brought to life and that's why he's never seen at night and why the signal literally doesn't work during the day. He's waiting giddily for the story to spread outside of the city.

The batkids have convinced half the League that Nightwing is quite literally Batman's lovechild with Justice. Hey, Constantine had a one night stand with the manifestation of a city and they've dealt with gods before, so surely it's not that surprising? Right???

I need more of the Batkids being little shits, of Alfred the-greatest-enabler Pennyworth backing them up and Bat(the-biggest-troll)man to never confirm the stories, but he doesn't deny them either.

[ghost-bxrd]

Prompt:

Tim is the first to find out the Red Hood’s identity and from then on sticks to Jason during patrol like glue (much to Jason’s chagrin, dammit, it would feel wrong to beat up Robin when he’s that starry eyed…)

Cue: PANIC from the rest of the Batfamily, who still think Hood is a forty-something year old crime lord and now assume they’re dating.

[nanenna]

I just had a thought: Joker doesn't actually look like a clown, he looks like a ringmaster. Oh sure, he's got the white face and red lips, but he doesn't have the nose, the colorful eye make up, he's wearing a proper (if weird colored) suit rather than a silly get up, he has normal sized shoes. He doesn't really give off clown vibes, yanno? But his henchmen do, they wear proper looking clown masks at least.

So in short: ringmaster.

And the thing is: Danny doesn't hate clowns, he hates Freakshow. And Freakshow is Circus Gothica's ringmaster.

I'm just saying Danny totally punches Joker on sight, but later when it's brought up he gets confused. "I never punched any of the clowns? I punched their ringmaster???? What are you talking about?"

[redsray]

one of the reasons i love Jason and Tim's relationship so much is because pre new-52, they despised each other and most of Jason's attempts (all 3) to kill Tim hide out in that continuity; but Jason also tries to vaguely recruit Tim a few times during that same continuity so it's sort of, like:

Jason: join my emo band Tim: no ???? tf?? Jason: Jason: well fuck you then [shoots him]

but after the new-52 (but before Rebirth), they're much closer and work together a lot more; you could even perhaps call them friends. there's a sort of mutual respect even after the murder attempts- the change is kind of odd, but I do love this version too. it's kinda:

Jason: ok you're a worthy successor i guess Tim: thank.... you...?? Tim: ... i picked the name "red robin" out of respect for you? Jason: huh. Jason: you're a weird ass kid. but you're smart so there's that.

obviously you can prefer one version of their relationship to the other, but i always love mixing them together. that kind of "yeah i can beat the shit out of you but you're also my homie and if anyone else tried to i'd beat them up" vibe, you know? i'd say peak siblings, actually.

[qcomicsy]

Alfred comes home and there's a whole noise from the kitchen.

Alfred: Is everything okay?

Damian: Dumbass is coming out.

Alfred: Oh.

Alfred (to Dick): ...I figured this day would come sooner or later...

Dick:

Alfred: Don't think I didn't saw it my boy, and pardon me if I should said something before...

Dick: No, no, no it's not

Alfred:... I mean It was obvious from the start but I figured I shouldn't press-

Dick: Alfie It's not

Jason: No, no let him finish.

----

Batman: Yes, my kid also came out to me recently.

Superman (to Dick): Oh wow, that's great! I'm proud of you buddy.

Dick:

Dick: What

Tim: It's me.

Superman: Oh

Superman: Oh wow, thats great! I'm proud of you buddy.

Dick: No, wait you can't just-

----

Jon: I'm just glad in not being alone in this, you know.

Titans:

Dick: It's not me.

Titans: "Oh, right. Sure." " Yeah we knew it" "Totally"

[bet-on-me-13]

Ellie is technically Dan's older sister

So, because Dan is now inhabiting a Cloned Body, that means that he is technically now Danny and Ellie's Sibling.

And technically, the Clone was created and released after Ellie was, long after.

Meaning, Dan isn't the Grumpy Older Sibling. He's the Grouchy Baby Sibling.

Dan is the Youngest!

Imagine this in a typical Runaway AU, where the Batfam encounters this trio of Siblings. 2 of them are Teenage Boys who look almost identical, the other is a Girl who looks about 2 years Younger than them.

And then they introduce themselves like this...

Ellie: And this is our baby brother Dan!

Dan: I am literally 10 years older than you! I look the same age as Danny!

Danny: Really? Cause your DNA says you were born only 6 months ago, and Ellie is 12 months old, and I'm 15 years old, so who's really the baby here?

Dan: SHE IS! I'm the Oldest! I'm not a Baby!!!

Ellie: Sorry about him, he gets cranky when he doesn't get his nap :D

Dan: *sounds of incomprehensible rage*

Danny: Aw, he's having a little tantrum.

[flamingpudding]

Wailing for attention, chirp when it's given

There was wailing and screeching in the streets of Gotham and the bats and birds weren't sure about the source of it. They had split up to find the source. They had managed to track it down somewhat. Or at least determine the raidios from where it could have come from. Who knew what one of their rogues was cooking up now?

The wailing resounded through all of Gotham but aside from being annoying, it didn't appear to have a strong impact on the general population. Well except for some of the rogues and the vigilantes themselves.

Red Hood was the one that cursed it out the most as well as appeared to also suffer the most but in comparison Duke was the one who appeared the least influenced or disturbed by it. They had a working theory considering who among them was affected by it and who not. That still didn't help too much in finding the source.

The search for the source of the wail and screeching came to an abrupt stop though the moment Cass and Steph rounded a corner and found three white haired toddlers with blueish skin sitting in an alley huddled together like stray kittens left out in the rain.

The wailing stopped the instant the three kids made eye contact with them and after a moment of awkward silence, two of the toddlers started chirping and the third one growled.

[acaiyatree]

you have so much to do, and i have nothing ahead of me

might be blurry, click on pic for higher quality

[allthegothihopgirls]

when the batboys (as civilians) have to speak to authorities about situations, they're all pretty accustomed to having to lie to keep their vigilante identities a secret. so they'll fabricate why they were in a certain place at a certain time, how they landed in a situation, or how they sustained different injuries.

they were all properly trained on giving false accounts to protect themselves, whilst still giving ie: police the important crime details, or doctors the relevant medical info. and it's just one of The Things they all do and don't really think twice about.

then damian comes along. constantly going "to say that is how i ended up there would be simply belittling to my character" or "that's absurd. no one will believe that. why can't i just tell them what actually happened?" and no amount of explaining will help him understand why.

there is a lot of subtle nudges and whispers of "damian, just do it for god's sake", because he finds the absolute worst times to question their strategies too.

[bonchobrick]

DCxDP Fic where the Batfam gets an item/ability which allows them for just that day, to temporarily be able to what someone best accomplishment(s) were in their lives. Little do they know Danny has just settled into their city (and that they were about to get the shock of their lives)

---

At first the Batfam decides to have fun with it--theres not much titles can do to help them with cases unless theyre particularly lucky. So they take a walk together in disguises to observe the passerbyers, curious of what civillains of gotham have done in their lives.

One gruff guy who grumbles shoving Bruce's shoulder as he walks by has the title 'KITTY SAVIOR' adorned above him and the batfam are greeted by the knowledge he had saved a cat from getting hit by a car

A kid in his pteens whose been shoving pamphlets into peoples hands has 'ADVERTISEMENT SUPERSTAR' above his head as he apparently managed to save his family's resturant with his intense marketing prowess (remind Bruce to try hiring him in the future.)

And lastly they faux browse a store trying to scope out someone else interesting and are greeted by the title... 'OPENER OF PICKLE JAR' and they decide to head home as Jason nearly crying trying to muffle his laughter.

At the manor they all cant help but agree, walking has made them hungry, and theres no harm ordering a pizza or two. It's been a long, mildly interesting day, though they weren't expecting much from thing ability.

Imagine their surprise when they open the door to see a black haired blue eyed child, pizza boxes in one hand, the other hand out awaiting a drop of money–completely missing the fact the title 'DEFEATED THE MAD KING WHO HAS TORMENTED THE AFTERLIFE FOR EONS' was placed innocently above his head

"Your total is 23.11!" The fucking 'Ghost King' kid (APPARENTLY) cheerily states????

"Uh," Bruce says blankly staring at this kid's title as his mouth blurts out, "Could you give us a second?"

[beesbiteandwillowrites]

DP x DC Prompt: "Rematch"

Back when Jason was still a wee baby Robin, Bruce was in business negotiations with some company from out west. Jason wasn't paying attention to whatever it was that Bruce did during his day job, CEO is a boring job anyway, he wants to be a doctor or something so he can help people.

But he notices when Bruce starts acting strange.

It's subtle, yes, and Jason doesn't think most people would even notice something amiss, but he's Robin, he's Batman's partner, he knows Bruce better than anyone except maybe Alfred or Dick, but Alfred is on holiday in England for a week or two, and Dick is on one of his "no talking to Bruce unless the world ends" binges, so Jason really is the only one in a position to do anything.

It's up to Robin to save the day.

Jason investigates Bruce's comings and goings and the CEO of this potential new business partner of WE is kinda shady. He's slimy. Definitely keeping secrets. Jason dislikes this Vladimir Masters right away. Especially when it becomes apparent that he's doing something to Bruce during one of their business dinners that makes Bruce's eyes glaze over in a very worrying manner.

Jason is so not going to let this guy mess with his dad's mind.

It ends with Vlad being beaten up and chased out of Gotham by an enraged Robin. Bruce turns out to be fine and doesn't remember the incident. Jason doesn't tell him, just types up a report and files it in Bruce's archives. Alfred comes back from England, and Dick drops by again to steal Jason away for some brotherly bonding, and everything is fine.

Jason never forgets Vlad Masters and how he tried to manipulate Bruce. Not even a resurrection and a Lazarus pit swim will make him forget that guy.

So naturally, when he starts coming around the manor more and more, and hears that Vlad Masters is sniffing around Tim in hopes of manipulating WE's CEO, he is ready for round two. He's got a bone to pick, and he's bringing the big guns (All-Blades)

And if this round two happens at a gala where Sam Manson is present to see and capture the whole thing with her camera, well, Jason has gained a couple of fans back in Amity Park.