#Batman: The Telltale Series

[chess-blackmyre]

Don't look at me with them big ole eyes

[dead-dog-dont-eat]

*Everyone in Bruce Wayne's Manor after Joker gets married to Bruce*

Scarecrow: Ohhhh, we each get our own oven?

Joker: ... N-No...

Joker, laughing: How many ovens do you think I have???

Scarecrow, motioning to their kitchen: Three, I thought!

Two-Face: I see a-

Joker, motioning to one device: This is a microwave.

Scarecrow: Oh, well I-

Joker: Hey wait wait, actually- hang on- *fiddles with the buttons on the microwave*

Joker, amazed: Its got a bake setting!

Bane: Ohoho, you learn something new every day!

Riddler: Do we- Do we roshambo for who gets to pick first?

Joker: Now I've just discovered I have more ovens than I thought, we don't have to roshambo nothin!

Joker: I am a man who owns four ovens...

Joker, louder and way too happy: I am a man... who owns FOUR OVENS...

Joker: I didn't know I was so rich with ovens...

Catwoman, pointing to another appliance: Also the toaster oven!

Joker:

Scarecrow: Ohhh, toasty boy! Four- Five ovens!

Joker:

Joker, fucking ECSTATIC: I AM A MAN WHO OWNS FIVE OVENS!

[thelostpassenger]

I am currently playing Batman: The Telltale Series, and there is a point at which after Harvey (who seems to be suffering from a severe mental/emotional breakdown) is apprehended, you, playing as Batman, have the choice between sending Harvey to Blackgate Prison or to Arkham Asylum. This was, by far, one of the hardest choices that I had to make in the game because it is canonically almost always the case (with this game being no exception) that both options would be pretty much equally as bad because Arkham IS a prison that doesn’t actually provide legit mental health care for its “patients.”

This also, however, goes to show why, even though I enjoy the Batman universe overall, I do not like Batman. Does he save lives and help put a stop to evil? Yes, but he is also a symptom of a much larger problem that he, in addition to slowing down, perpetuates. He KNOWS that Arkham is a garbage place, not only because he says so himself earlier in the game when he, as Bruce Wayne, is trying to campaign for a new mental health facility to be constructed because Arkham is more harmful than it is helpful (by his own admission) but also because he experienced it firsthand when he was wrongfully imprisoned there by Harvey and Lady Arkham. He KNOWS that Arkham is more a hellish prison than it is a mental health institution, and the game still only gives you those two options because Bruce Wayne, instead of helping Gotham out in ways that he actually could with his wealth and fortune, is cosplaying as Dracula every night and carrying out all his dark, violent fantasies, and yep, that checks out.

[theclam-beforethestorm]

Are you telling me that Bruce Wayne kneeling over the prone body of his oldest and dearest friend, hand on his throat, and saying that he’ll always fucking believe in him, saying, “I still believe in Harvey Dent!” is canon???

[groochi-gang]

is this anything. inspired by this post

[wandeel]

Harvey: “My therapist wonders if the drug may have brought back some of the problems...Making them unmanageable”

. . .what KIND of problem Harvey ?!?!?! A problem with bipolarity and impulsivity ?!?!?!

[hellyeahhungergamessim]

[thebibliosphere]

I know it's not the only iteration of the franchise that alludes to the Wayne’s having an unsavory background, but the Batman Telltale games are so fucking funny.

Bruce is straight-up having an existential crisis over his family having connections to the local mob and Alfred just looks at him sideways like, “Bruce, they were billionaires. No one becomes a billionaire honestly.”

And Bruce swallows that comment, runs through all the stages of grief in about ten seconds— inventing some new ones along the way—and you can see his brain making the dial-up noise in the time it takes for the player to pick his response.

And true, you can pick denial, anger, or something else, but in that pause you get a glimpse of the static buzz building behind his eyes.

This man is tired. He just got the shit kicked out of him. He is running on fumes. And you’re telling him everything he’s done, everything he’s achieved as Batman, has potentially been funded by crime???

“I could do it,” the look on his face says, “I could sink into the himbo persona, let it consume me. No one would ever know. I could take a nap. Billionaire playboys take naps...”

[billy-willy]

John Doe from Batman: The Enemy Within. I'm trying to get better at stylized work and I'm pretty happy with how this came out :]

[morgangalaxy43]

I love how the best versions of Batman are the Lego version, an emo nerd, the lovable dilf and the one from the animated series

Telltale Batman and 2004 Batman both honorable mentions

There are so many others that could be out on this list but these are my favorites

[annstiro]

Telltale Batjokes mayhaps?

🥺❤️

[bepoucorp]

outfit swap! and some scraps and sketches

[denileisariver]

warnings: dick analysis!, explicit detail on male genitalia, multiple versions of batman ♡, the dark knight, batman: the long halloween, batman beyond, batman: arkham origins, batman: the enemy within, batman: wayne family adventures.

a/n: no, i'm not talking about terry.

THE DARK KNIGHT

since he has a well known reputation of being a whore, i'd imagine it's for a good reason. he knows how to make great use of his cock, with a cut length of 6.5 inches. he's surprisingly pretty veiny too, thick ones that pop out from his pubic bone and lead towards his base that feed his cock. the color of his dick doesn't change entirely too much, staying around #edc8ab, but the tip becomes a soft red when he's hard and especially when he's about to cum.

he fucks around pretty often, so i don't think his balls would be the most big and heavy, but he has a decent size. they wouldn't hang very low either. but despite himself, they're actually sensitive, and he'd become a mess if they received attention. he doesn't cum in super large amounts, but would shoot his load in long thick ropes. his seed is a very pigmented white.

he's very well kempt, maybe doesn't shave to be completely bald down there, but just so it's tidy and comfortable. but since he has long bouts of depression, i'd imagine that during these times, his pubic hair would grow quite a bit.

BATMAN: THE LONG HALLOWEEN

gosh, he has such big dick energy. his cock is 7 inches, and he's definitely mean when he uses it. he's cut and less sensitive, so it might take him some time to get off. despite his size, he isn't the most veiny, but if there was any, they would be smaller and more on his shaft, close to the tip. his tip would be a rounded mushroom shape. he has nice color to him, so even though he's not very pale, his cock can get an almost angry red once his blood is rushing down south. but mostly, his color is around #bda882.

with a huge cock comes huge balls, and this bruce has heavy ones. even though i don't imagine that he has sex very often, his balls still hang on the lower side, much of that because they're so full with cum. since they don't get touched that much, they might be pretty sensitive but not too much, though he might spasm like a virgin if they're attended to when he's close to orgasm. and when he cums, he cums a lot. so much that it makes a huge mess, and if you're not careful, it might leave stains since it's so pigmented.

he could care less to shave himself often. in his mind, there are other things he could waste his time doing, and it's not like he's going to be seen naked too much. but he does care about his appearance quite a bit if he has a partner, so he'd clean himself up a bit, but mostly just out of necessity.

BATMAN BEYOND

oh, old man bruce ♡. even though this version of batman is derived from the animated series and justice league, who i put at 7 inches, unfortunately shrinkage with old age is real, and he's just not the man he used to be. he'd be average, at 6 inches, and it could be joked that he can't get it up anymore, but that's just not true. with his age, he's lost a lot of fat and muscle, the skin sunken in, so suprisingly enough, he'd have veins on him but more so around his pubic bone than on his cock. he's also lost a lot of the color in his skin, growing more pale as he gets older, mostly around #f5ead5. because of this, his cock can get a soft pink hue when he's hard.

his balls aren't very big, though they do hang low. he's spent a lot of his youth fucking to his hearts content, and now he just doesn't have much to give anymore. so with that fact, he doesn't cum a lot either, and it would be opaque as well. he'd reach orgasm much quicker with lost stamina and lack of sex.

he's much too old to worry himself out with shaving often, and it's not like he's fucking anyone anytime soon either, so his pubic hair would grow out up until it got uncomfortable.

BATMAN: ARKHAM ORIGINS

i just know his dick is big. he has monster thighs and a monster cock. he'd be 7.5 inches with a fat girth, every part of him is thick. he's uncut and has a fat head crowned at the top, a long thick vein protruding from his shaft that leads up to his tip. even if he's more on the pale side, he has hyperpigmentation at the base of his cock, but it would fade to an overall color of #f5e5c9 on average. his color doesn't change all that much, even when he cums.

since this is the early years of his time as batman, and he's been traveling the world for many years training, there hasn't been a lot of time for sex according to him. his balls are heavy because they haven't been emptied in so long, so he can cum a decent amount, spurting out in thick globs. i'd imagine he'd cum a bit quicker as well, but his endurance would get better if he fucks regularly.

he focuses too much on work, so he wouldn't prioritize shaving that often, but he does so just enough that his hair is short and easy to manage.

BATMAN: THE ENEMY WITHIN

BATMAN: WAYNE FAMILY ADVENTURES

i imagine him to be pretty average, only 6 inches, but he's so good at using it despite him being pretty shy about it. he's uncut and has little to no veins on his shaft, with a bit of a larger, sensitive head. his cock would be curved slightly to the right, with hyperpigmentation closer to his tip. due to that, any change in color when he cums isn't very noticeable, but despite that, the head still becomes a deep red. the rest of him would be around #f0b884.

his balls would hang a bit more higher, a bit full and plump because of his lack of experience with many partners, but they're not very heavy. he does cum a lot though, a thick seed that can easily overflow and make a large mess. even if he suddenly started to fuck on a regular basis, the amount of cum he has to offer wouldn't change very much anyways.

in spite of his lack of partners, simply for his overall comfortability and preference, he'd keep himself shaven mostly smooth. it'd probably only grow out if he was too busy, and even then i don't imagine it would be very long until he's cutting it off.

hear me out. 8 inches. his kind and caring nature leaves him to be pretty unsuspecting, but he's packing a goddamn weapon in those pants. it's cut and of ample girth and veins, on both the top and underside of his cock. he'd have a pointed mushroom head, a possible deep maroonish color since he has more color in his skin than other versions of batman. the overall color of his length though would be around #dbbf8a. it wouldn't change in color too much, but his tip might darken just slightly when he's getting close to cumming.

breeder balls. no questions asked. he has an army of children, and even though he hasn't fathered them all, he might as well have. they're filled so heavily with cum that he could breed and make a couple of more kids, and he'd be damned if he didn't. he might fuck a decent amount but he cums so much, one would think sex is a rare occurance. and it might be sometimes, since he'd get cockblocked very frequently. regardless, his cum would be a decently pigmented white, and then gradually becoming more translucent as he's finishing.

how much he shaves can honestly depend if he's planning on having sex. typically, he doesn't care to shave other than to keep himself tidy and comfortable, but if he has a partner, he'd prefer to keep his pubic hair mostly to a minimum.

[ggvannba]

quick telltale batjokes

ougf i dont like how bruce looks💔💔

[kagemuch]

Tbh I wasn’t expecting people still talking about this game and I’m so happy that I was wrong

I mean I know it’s like batman and Joker but still-

[metionohre]

they mean everything to me. btw. if u even care