#Bc how long were y’all gonna say the same shit???

[keiipopped]

My First Scandal🤭

Okay so i wasn’t gonna address this because frankly it’s irrelevant to me but since bitches wanna get on here and post shit and so called ‘call me out’ so fuck it, I’m bored and have time tonight. If youre on enha writing tumblr then you may have seen posts from or about @dramaticalerror who i cant tag cause the bitch blocked me anyway LMAOO. So let me start by saying that if there’s typos its cause i just did my nails and am trying to type fast lmao and haven’t had nails in a hot minute. Anyway. The whole situation is genuinely irrelevant to me but bc people that have never interacted w me a day in their lives have shit to say. Ill say this, First of all, yes i told the bitch to off herself and yes I said I’d whoop her ass if this was irl (CAUSE I WOULD💀) however, this was after so long of conversation and them being rude initially. People I’ve interacted with on multiple platforms including this one as well as in real life can testify to the fact that i am genuinely a sweet person, but i will fight if needed. Last night i was on tumblr and this person came up on the regular enhypen tag which i follow and they were posting to tell people what they were gonna be writing and i ignored it. Then i realized what kind of content they were actually writing and i wanted them to disappear. Anyway i messaged them politely asking that they blocked me so it would basically be like they never existed and they proceeded to respond rudely but this part was not showed in their responses. They later told me i didnt “deserve” it and then that the more i insulted them the more they’d write Niki smuts and tag me in them. Which i stupidly enough earlier deleted the whole chat thread cause i said i was done w the whole thing. but i do have those. Anyway they later posted the chats but only the parts where i got out of hand AND then blocked me ANYWAY like a fucking clown. They also told me I’d eventually write smut which.. i wont? Like. Y’all i swear it was literally like talking to a 8 year old wall.

It’s just funny cause its so easy to tell how immature this person is because of the tags they use like #controversy. Are you serious 💀

Anyways there was so much more that went down in the chat but this is the only important(not) part. Bottom line is the shit they write is disgusting and anyone that disagrees and plans on writing that shit in the future just go ahead and block me.

AND lastly miss me with that “Jungwon and Sunoo didnt get the same defense” because i was fighting bitches when someone literally wrote smut for him the day after his 18th birthday and i wasn’t here when sunoo turned 18. and if you think people waited for Jungwon to turn 19 youre wrong too.

I would tag the mf also but they like i said blocked me anyway. So 🤷🏽‍♀️

[fluffypotatey]

*smashes in like the Kool-Aid man*

PENDRAGON SIBLINGS YOU SAY????

I have. So many Feels. About Themst™

The complexity?? The layers?? The angst?? Hello??????

Their relationship is just So Much, because you are right, it's all tangled up in miscommunication and missed opportunities, and so many problems that can be sourced back to Uther "War Crimes" Pendragon, who wouldn't know a healthy relationship if it bit him on the ass.

If Merlin and Arthur are two sides of the same coin, then Arthur and Morgana are edges of the same blade.

Because it's the lonely childhoods, the shared grief, the friendship, the vulnerability, the fondness, the teasing, the envy, the jealousy, the almost romance, the protectiveness, the betrayal, the loss, the hurt, the refusal to let go and the desperate hanging on, and the love, the love, the love.

Indifference is the true opposite of love.

Hate is love that's gone rotten.

“If Merlin and Arthur are two sides of the same coin, then Arthur and Morgana are edges of the same blade.” oh fuck….

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK

WAIT HOLD ON WAIT LEMME PIGGYBACK ON THAT BESTIE @0hheytherebigbadwolf (tagging you bc it will be a couple days after you sent this ask)

(Also, for anyone wanting background context on what me and bestie are bouncing off on: voilà)

OK OK SO

we are all familiar with King Uther being the greatest (worst) dad of all time, correct? places such high expectations on his “only son and heir” whilst never officially acknowledging Morgana as his daughter until the very end?

F+ father of the year :)

he is not above sending his children into the dungeon if they disobey him as seen here:

(Jfc he even put Morgana in chains like wtf)

also, he is not above using emotional guilt towards them when he deems it necessary (aka one of the only times he actually acknowledges them as his children)

UTHER (1x02 Valiant) I trust you will make me proud.

UTHER (1x08 The Beginning of the End) I’ve treated you like a daughter. Is this how you repay me?

UTHER (1x12 To Kill the King) You are the daughter I never had.

UTHER (2x08 Sins of the Father) You would believe a sorcerer’s lies over the word of your father?

not to mention that when Arthur or Morgana try to reason with him or argue with him since they are the only ones with the status to do so, he pulls rank

UTHER (1x12 To Kill the King) May I remind you that you are speaking to your King [...] Take care, child, or I’ll have you restrained.

UTHER (2x08 Sins of the Father) I am your king and your father. You will show me some respect!

UTHER (2x06 Beauty and the Beast) We live in dangerous times, I cannot allow you to undermine my authority.

UTHER (3x10 Queen of Hearts) You have caused this to happen, Arthur. My decision is final.

ngl i could include more but i have already spent hours searching for shit (YOUTUBE WILL DIE BY MY HAND THAT STINGY BITC—) but y’all get what i mean: Uther is an abusive fucker and it has messed up the conditions of Arthur and Morgana

now, about the double edged blade…..

as previously established, Uther is a fucking dick and wants his children to obey him but also adore him. with this behavior, the Pendragon siblings react in two ways: with anger & contempt or submission and remorse

way #1

i’m gonna start with Morgana because anger is the easiest to pick out throughout the show. in the first episode of the first season, our introduction to Morgana’s character is her lecturing Uther about executing the man Merlin witnessed upon entering Camelot (such a warm welcome for Emrys, mh?)

MORGANA I just don't think chopping someone's head off is cause for a celebration. That poor mother. UTHER It was simple justice for what he'd done. MORGANA To whom? He practiced some magic, he didn't hurt anyone. UTHER You were not around twenty years ago, you have no idea what it was like. MORGANA How long are you going to keep punishing people for what happened then?

early on, it is easy to pick up on Morgana’s resentment and anger at Uther, who she believes is blinded by his fear of magic and his need for control (which she isn’t wrong about). also, we find that she isn’t one to back off when poking the bear (Uther). she does it constantly in seasons 1 & 2

MORGANA (1x03 Mark of Nimueh) Why would she kneel on a cold stone floor morning after morning when she could make these things happen with a snap of her fingers? Like an idle king!

MORGANA (1x08 The Beginning of the End) How can this child be your enemy? He's just a boy. UTHER He is a Druid. MORGANA Is that such a crime?…What have these people done to you? Why are you so full of hate?

UTHER (2x04 Lancelot and Guinevere) How many men would you have me sacrifice to save a servant? MORGANA  As many as it takes!

to be honest, i wouldn’t be surprised if screaming, arguing and berating Uther about his morals and ethics is her way of proving that she is not weak or submissive to his actions. i mean, Morgana grew up in a household the complete opposite from her time in Camelot. Gorlois, the man whom Morgana considers to be her father and one and only family member, was said to be “just” and “kind” and someone that Uther even considered a good friend who openly kept him in check. Morgana, until the age of ten, understood parental love and empathy unlike Arthur, who spent his whole life without any good or healthy substance of it.

the culture of Camelot and Uther’s wrath is not something Morgana was ever able to fully acclimate to as Uther himself pointed out in 1x12. She “was at odds with [him] since the beginning” and could never picture herself as a Pendragon (point further proven in 4x05: she looked revolted when Queen Annis compared her to Uther) because she didn’t share in their idea of magic = evil and a king = absolute control.

ironic in terms of future plot events, isn’t it :’)

way #2

compare that to Arthur: man’s respressed af. keeps all his emotions under lock and key if they are anything but haughty and serious. y’all, Arthur even says it himself how he “[can't] disagree with Father [Uther] in public.” whenever Arthur finds himself at odds with Uther, he holds his tongue and waits until he can disobey secretly (2x05 when he leaves to rescue Gwen, 1x08 when he helps Morgana sneak out Mordred in the dark of the night, 2x08 when he sneaks out to meet Morgause for more info about his mom, etc). it is only the rare moments when Arthur feels impassioned enough to speak up without fearing any retribution does Arthur talk back at him (so satisfying 👌)

ARTHUR (1x03 Mark of Nimueh) [Morgana’s] right, Father. You hear the word magic, you no longer listen.

ARTHUR (2x08 Sins of the Father) This is what fuels your hatred for those who practice magic. Rather than blame yourself for what you did, you blame them….You hunted her kind like animals! How many hundreds have you condemned to death to ease your guilt?!….You speak of honour and nobility! You're nothing but a hypocrite and a liar!

ARTHUR (3x10 Queen of Hearts) You can't forbid my feelings any more than I can. I won't deny them any longer, I love her. I love Guinevere.

we can even compare how the two react to Uther’s violence towards them

(ahahahahahaaaaa what a wonderful dad)

on the left, you see Arthur’s face right when Uther crushes the morteus flower needed to heal Merlin (his manservant/friend/????) and on the right, is Morgana after Uther discovers she was harboring a Druid child in her chambers and she refuses to listen to his reason.

notice how both faces are remarkably similar 👀

however, Arthur’s look of shock and dismay come from his hope that Uther would do the right thing. that he would help save Merlin’s life from dying of poison. that he wouldn’t use this as a method to teach Arthur “what it means to disobey and cross the king.” he truly did hope, just like he always does with the people he holds close. Arthur cannot help but hope and trust that those close to him will not betray him and yet so many do. hence the remorse

looking at Morgana, her shock comes from the fact that this might be the first time Uther reacted to her words and actions in a physical manner. my suspicion is that most of the time, all Morgana previously got was Uther reprimanding her and yelling at her to stop questioning his methods (bc, let’s be real, she was the favorite child.) never has he lifted a finder on her like Arthur and i have proof (cue transcript!)

AND! and, Arthur is constantly warning Morgana about not angering Uther any further because of the consequences she might face (consequences this boy is very familiar with) when Uther deems it necessary to “teach” his children obedience.

UTHER (1x04 The Poisoned Chalice) You have to learn there's a right and a wrong way of doing things. I'll see you're let out in a week. Then you can find yourself another servant.

UTHER (3x10 Queen of Hearts) You have caused this to happen, Arthur. My decision is final [...] This is for your own good. - UTHER She will die. The enchantment will be broken. You'll see I was right.

UTHER (2x08 Sins of the Father) I am protecting you from your own foolishness!

so educational 🥰 but see, because Uther presents his punishments as lessons, Arthur himself views them as just a fucked up but meaningful way of his father’s concern because “yeah, I am the first born son and only heir to the throne. of course I need to learn not to do silly things like disobey, talk back to him, be my own person.” <- I’m paraphrasing here

Arthur does and has never seen a way out of the life thrust upon him by Uther (see 3x06). succeeding Uther as king, marrying a noblewoman of high standing for heirs and alliance strength was always expected of him. Arthur never saw a way out of this. even when he and Gwen were in their secret relationship phase, Arthur had to remind himself that this would never last. he loved her and knew she loved him, but there was always that reminder (that sounded a lot like Uther) in the back of his head telling him that it would never last so long as he was prince. he had a duty (constructed by Uther) to serve Camelot and going against his father would mean (in his eyes) that he is going against Camelot (as Uther always presented it to be).

so unlike Morgana, he did not kick and scream but stood firm because that was what he believed was stronger. if he stayed in his lane and did his part, then he would be a good king, maybe even a better one than his father, for Camelot. however, the show proves that differentiating himself from Uther actually made him the better king and more respected, but this is not the meta for that. I am getting side tracked.

OK: so we’ve established parental issues between the two siblings. now onto their very complex, complicated yet beloved dynamic

sO, as i mentioned in this post (because i am lazy and too tired to copy/paste the evidence from there), these siblings do care for one another. they just go about it in the most hilarious and repressed and in-denial way (hilarious to me 😤)

when we meet them, it’s established that these two have known each other for some time. enough for them to bicker and have banter, you know, as you do with a Pendragon. also, should add, neither character are ever aware they are blood-related until s3 (because of some weak-ass bitch named Uther), so you have that very, uh, interesting subplot in s1 that everybody forgets about until you rewatch it. (honestly, I have so many questions. number 1: why???? number 2: it’s only in s1—was it scrapped??? is it like it never existed???? what was its purpose to the plot??? bbc explain yourself—)

however, despite how much it is shown that they do care for one another, they’re relationship in s1 is still undefined and vague as if they also don’t know how to accurately define what the other means to them. it’s very similar to the whole “i really love this person so much but is what i’m feeling platonic, familial, or romantic?” because….you know, guy and girl besties who are close are typically expected to grow romantic feelings for each other, so tbh i would not be surprised if both mistook their love as romantically inclined in the beginning bc, reminder, neither of them were aware they were siblings until much later.

[and this is ALL i am saying on this subplot. i do not want to cause any negative discourse, so if anyone has a few choice words about it, either keep it to yourself or feel free to talk about it with people you know. personally? not a fan of the ship and never will be, but i am not here to post about that.]

anyway, have some featured receipts showing Arthur and Morgana slipping up and showing how much they care for each other.

SEE!!!! LOOK AT HOW THE CARE!!!! SEE HOW THEY WORRY FOR THE OTHER AND WISH TO PROTECT THEM FROM HARM!!! (and see how even when they’re on opposite sides there is still that same love. just more warped and corrupted T^T)

^worried/protective Morgana

^Arthur’s face after Merlin informs him that there’s an intruder heading to Morgana’s chambers

Morgana is very aware of Arthur’s trusting nature. Arthur is very aware of Morgana’s empathy and righteous nature. they understand each other so well which is why Morgana knew just how to harm Arthur in later seasons and why Morgana’s betrayal hit Arthur so hard. it’s also why he never stopped trying to reach out to her in s4 & s5. as @merlinemrys said in this lovely post, the show’s driving force is love. love of all kinds. whatever conflict it is, love is there at the center of it all and, in Arthur and Morgana’s case, it does not save them (just like how love does not save Merlin or Arthur from what lies ahead, as the op of the post pointed out).

that is what makes their relationship/love be like a double edged sword!! that is why they are edges of the same blade!!! they protect and fight for what they believe in and for the people they love, but the same blades cut deep and twist their wounds into a lasting scar.

it is because of Arthur’s love for Morgana that he cannot help but hope and mourn the woman he once knew. it is because of Morgana’s love for Arthur that her feelings of hatred are so strong and ugly.

like honestly,

look at them T^T compared to before

their relationship is so tragic T^T because we knew them before it all went wrong. we knew they cared and understood each other. we knew that for some time, they only had each other to rely on for a friend, a crutch, a breather for when the royal life was too much. both of them were fighters and strive to honor their values. both of them had once leaned on the other for support, had wanted nothing but happiness for each other.

fuck, they didn’t even get the chance to really be siblings because they found out too late, and by then Morgana was on a war path and Arthur only found out at the last minute.

like fuck, man

two sides of the same blade: forged with love, yet used for blood

screencaps brought to you by me, @sourdough-morbread, and farfarawaysite

[fightertown-usa]

as it was (iii) ( bradley bradshaw "rooster" x reader )

( gif not mine )

bradley “rooster” bradshaw x fem!reader

synopsis: in which things just aren’t the same, and it takes a life threatening accident to make rooster come to his senses and true feelings; this is taking so long i apologize hopefully this’ll be the last part

warnings: angst/fluff

note: slay moment bc i finally finished

part one part two

— 

thank god maverick finally gave you all a break. and at the beach, fuck yeah. all the tension between you and rooster had really started to strain you, and hangman and rooster’s arguing wasn’t helping either. you, winter, and hangman were all on the same team along with fanboy, coyote, and a few others, while the rest were pitted against y’all. in nothing but some hot pink biker shorts and a neon yellow sports bra, you were glad you’d decided to be bold because you were blinding some of your opponents. she do be glowin tho! the game was definitely on, to say the least, as you and hangman soon began competing for “who can score the most points,” on your team. needless to say, as much as he tried to hide it, jealousy kept creeping in on rooster, wishing it was him you were competing with, and laughing with. 

but was rooster really gonna let bagman steal his girl? hell no. so, he’d just have to get your attention, no matter how stupid. besides, you couldn’t deny how hot his little victory dance was after he scored. when mav got taken down, you took it as an opportunity to start running past the enemy team, before someone pushed you lightly, causing you to stumble, ball slipping from your hands as you went down. you looked up to see rooster reaching down to grab the ball, so you lunged to grab his ankle, causing him to also fall down, face first into the sand, his sunglasses flying off his face landing at an arms length away from you. the both of you broke out laughing, as both of you were covered in sand. you quickly grabbed his sunglasses, placing them on top of your head so no one would step on them. rooster got up before her, not commenting on the fact that his sunglasses were perched on top of his head. the game had shifted away from them, as the cheers of their friends slowly faded as he reached out a hand to help her get up. she accepted his help, as a wave of butterflies that she hadn’t felt in a long time filled her stomach, the same butterflies she used to get whenever she flew with him. he looked so pretty, just standing there, the sun behind him, and sand dotting his face. she reached to brush some off, electricity sparking between them.

“i’m sorry,” rooster whispers, a small frown forming on his face, as he sadly watched her. “i’m sorry i fucked up our friendship so much,” he continued, and y/n’s eyes dilated and softened as she watched him. “it’s okay, rooster, i missed being your friend,” she said, sadness pricking her voice as she said friend. “i missed you too dash,” he said softly, as he gave her hand a squeeze. he had so much more to say, but he knew she didn’t need him like he needed her. and he knew still that there were others who needed her skills more than he desired and craved her staying with him. he wanted her so badly, to know what it was like to care for her, to feel her affection, to simply be with her on a more intimate level. but there was no way she felt the same, and no way she would ever chose him over a lifetime of accomplishments. if only he knew.

- - - 

“winter i need eyes on the target, maverick’s closing in,” hangman spoke urgently, as he and dasher both flew towards the practice target. “i’m trying! shit, i can’t get a good lock,” she cursed, as she tried to lock in on the practice target. “going in blind,” hangman commented, as you both immediately began to pull up as soon as he fired the missile. “miss!” you called out, hearing a string of curses from hangman in return. “mav’s on our tail dasher,” winter called out, as the pressure began building up on the two of you. your eyes began to blur as you continued. “holy shit,” you cursed, as you struggled to keep your vision straight. as soon as the two of you were out of the climb, a blaring alarm coursed through the plane. “shit, shit! winter what the hell is happening!” you cried out, as you heard winter clicking away from behind you. “shit, right engine’s overheated somehow,” she replied, panic in her voice. hangman called out something, but you were too busy as you began to extinguish the right engine, but it was no use, and soon the engine gave out. “shit, shit!” you cried out, panicked as you ignored mav and hangman calling out to eject. “dasher, we gotta eject,” winter cried out, but you refused, still trying to steer your jet. “dasher, eject, now!” you heard winter scream, as she ejected. 

for the first time in your life, you froze as you heard the top of the jet pop off, as winter flew up into the sky. time froze as you continued to descend, but unlike you had expected, your life wasn’t flashing before your eyes, as your hands moved to the eject button. the world around you was quiet, as you continued to descend, your body still not moving to press the button, but finally, something snapped inside of you, as you ejected, and went flying up into the sky. the crash of the plane caused a huge explosion, and due to being so close to it, you were catapulted back, as your parachute was pushed back with tremendous force, and you began to feel woozy as you continued down towards the ground, unaware that below you were numerous trees. your vision began to fade, as you blacked out on your way down. 

- - - 

rooster wasn’t quite sure when he stopped breathing, but as soon as he heard you cursing from the radio, his heart stopped as he heard the panic coming from your voice as your right engine started failing. he thought he stopped breathing when he heard hangman report that he saw winter eject, but you still hadn’t. he just froze all together when he heard how close you were to almost dying in that plane, and even when phoenix called out to him, he didn’t have the capability of responding as he just sat there, unsure of your fate, and unsure if you were alive or not. the fact he hadn’t been able to tell you everything, and just how much he cared about you shook him. and if he’d even be able to tell you at all now. he stayed in the room until maverick came in, stating that the helicopter had finally brought you and winter back, and how you were being rushed to the medical wing. only then did his feet start moving, and he finally remembered to breathe, as tears fogged his vision as he began sprinting to the medical wing. he didn’t stop running until he caught sight of winter standing in the middle of the hallway, sobbing into hangman’s arms as she stood outside of what he presumed to be your room. only then did he assume the worst, as his eyes grew wide and tears threatened to spill from them. hangman noticed his presence, and he waved his hand side to side slightly, indicating that he didn’t know if you were okay or not. bradley wanted to break down right then and there as tears spilled from his eyes, uncaring if hangman saw him crying there or not. he took a seat in a chair near your room, as he awaited the doctors to come out and give him a verdict. he didn’t notice when the rest of your shared friends came around to wait with him, and he didn’t notice when hangman squeezed his shoulder reassuringly.

he only perked his head up when the doctors came out of your room, assuring the group that you were stable and didn’t sustain any injuries besides a few scratches from the tree you fell into, and that you just fell unconscious due to the force of the explosion. the doctor also mentioned that you had awoken, and said to only go in a few at a time due to the fact you had just woken up. 

so, bradley waited. he waited til everyone else had gone in to see you, and waited till he was the last one there, as winter told him you were asking for him. 

he slowly opened the door to your room, easing the door open slowly. as he pushed open the door, he saw u propped up in the hospital bed, adorned in a gown, hair down, and a smile graced your face once you saw him enter. he offered you a smile, as he walked over, and sat down next to your bed. “hey rooster,” you said softly, and he wanted to cry at hearing your voice again. “hey dash,” he choked out, as he went to place his hand on top of yours, desperate to feel your touch to make sure you were really there. “you gave us a real good scare there, gave me one hell of a scare,” he spoke softly, and you chuckled. 

“winter wouldn’t let me hear the end of it, going on about how i need to be more aware and all that shit,” you said with a soft chuckle, and rooster smiled, shaking his head slightly. “she just cares, that’s all,” he said softly, and u nodded in agreement. a moment of silent graced to the two of you before he spoke up again. “i care too, you know,” he said, and he continued on before you could say anything. “i’ve always cared, y/n, i’ve always cared about you. cared about you so much, i pushed you away so you could go save the world, and you know, live a normal life,” he said pitifully. “i loved you so i let you go,” he added on in barely a whisper, head down, staring at the edge of your hospital bed.

“oh bradley,” you said softly, sitting up a little straighter as you light pushed his chin up with your other hand so he was facing you. you looked into his brown eyes, and saw the anticipation of hurt and rejection in them, almost breaking your heart. instead of saying anything, you just pulled him into you, and as your lips connected, it took bradley a minute before he realized that the girl of his dreams, who’d he been pining over for so long, was actually kissing him, he wrapped a hand around the base of your neck, pulling you in to deepen the kiss. everything just felt so right in that moment, and all pain and sorrow left the two of you when you both realized how much you both truly cared about each other. you finally pulled away, but not before saying, “i love you too bradley,” before he scooped you right out of that bed and out of the medical wing, and off to his room. no way in hell he was planning on letting you go tonight, that’s for sure. 

- - - 

bonus! 

“you’re a fucking idiot! you understand, an idiot!” you chastised bradley as soon as he got off the jet after maverick, a goofy grin on his face as he watched you angrily reprimand him. “you could have died bradley, d e a d, DEAD!” you continued, and he started laughing, unable to handle how hot you were when you were mad. so, instead of letting you continue venting, he just grabbed your face, and planted a kiss on your lips, instantly shutting you up. and who were you to argue? he’d make it up to you, eventually.

---

taglist:

@n3ssm0nique @alluringshawn

[badbihk]

What Goes Around... Comes Around

Toxic jack x ex gf reader

part 1 part 2

it had been a year and four months since jack lost you and he hadn’t had a moment of peace since.

486 days of pain.

6 months of sobriety and intensive therapy. jack knew he had his own problems and narcissistic ways. he had convinced himself that if he put in the work, then you would find your way back to him. that’s how manifestation works right? as much as he learned about healthy coping mechanisms and unlearning toxic behaviors; he still found himself on your boyfriends instagram.

liked by yourinstagram and 142 others

yourboyfriendusername 8 months strong 💪🏾💕 @yourinstragram

yourinstagram 💕

wtf? thats all he has to say? jack couldn’t help but laugh. he knew you weren’t as happy as you pretended to be. two months ago, in the middle of the night, you had randomly unblocked him on everything . neither of you had said a word, but jack knew what that meant. you had gave him the opening and now all he needed to do was pick the perfect time to make his move. there was no way in hell he put in all this work to not get his girl back. he didn’t care who you were dating, hell you could be married and you would still be his girl. he went off of Instagram and opened the messages between y’all. should he text you? he really didn’t want to start shit, but at the same time he didn’t give a fuck if he started shit between you and your man.

you sighed as you turned off your phone. were you gonna meet him tonight? of course not. he did you so dirty for so long. what would you even say? what is there to even say? you say your phone down and walked into the empty living room. your boyfriend was out of town visiting family, leaving you with nothing to do all weekend. you truly liked your boyfriend as a person, but as a partner ? not so much. he was thoughtful and loyal but that’s about all you could say. besides that he was messy, annoying, clingy, and as jack said corny. everything he did have you the ick. you felt as if you were dating a child in a grown man’s body. he couldn’t even make you happy; let alone make you cum. that was never a problem with jack. wtf? why am i even thinking of jack. fuck him. you sat down on the couch and turned on the tv half paying attention. maybe you should just go talk to jack. you never really got closure right? but you would be just as bad as jack was to you if you went over there. if it was going to be on your mind so hard maybe you should just go over there? no. absolutely not.

jack stared at the last message he sent.

read at 5:51

damn. so that’s how you was gonna do him? he shot his shot and you blocked the fuck out of it. now you were just gonna ignore him. fuck that. he didn’t care if he had to pull up at your house and sit outside for 3 days straight. he couldn’t do this anymore he wanted to see you. NEEDED to see you. he felt as though he had played his role. yes he constantly stalked all your social media and called you 30 times in one day, but that was months ago. ever since that day he saw you in person, he made the conscious decision to leave you alone. absence makes the heart grow fonder right? he sat there for 45 minutes deep in thought; debating if he should just come see you. he finally just gave up. after all this over thinking he definitely needed a nap.

jack had been asleep for a little over an hour before he was woken up by his phone going off. he rolled over and answered without checking who was calling.

“hello” he said husky voice while sitting up against his headboard.

“why the fuck would you tell me to come over if you aren’t going to answer the door” you say as you ring the doorbell yet again. “i’ve been knocking for ten minutes. You wanted me to come over and i came but im finna leave bc i feel like you are playing”. were you mad? no, but you were irritated. you put your ass on the line to come over here the least he could do is open the door.

“ y/n I swear to god i was asleep and didn’t hear you my bad im coming now.” jack says practically hopping out of bed and racing to open the door.

as he opens the door, he feels his heart skip a beat. you looked beautiful. he felt like he was seeing you for the first time again.

“ are you gonna stare at me or let me in?” you question

“my bad” he says opening the door wider for you and stepping out of the way.

you weren’t trying to be rude but it was like once you saw his face all the anger came back. you truly loved this man and he took advantage of that. why tf did you even come here?

jack could sense your attitude from a mile away. you had been here for 20 minutes and hadn’t said a word. he sat next to you on the couch as he watched you scroll through tik tok aimlessly.

“ look im gonna go. i don’t know why i came here. i thought we would talk about everything or something but im good on this.” you say while standing up and reaching for your purse.

“wait y/n please don’t leave we can talk if you want to i just didn’t want to bring up everything because i didn’t want to trigger you. i figured if you wanted to talk about everything that’s happened you would bring it up”

you sighed and sat back down facing him. “you go first because i’m pretty sure you understand how i feel based on how i left your ass”

damn. that what probably deserved jack thought to himself. “ look i fucked up. you did everything in your power to keep me happy. you stuck around even when you shouldn’t have, even when i didn’t appreciate you. i hate that it had to take me loosing you for me to finally understand. real love is hard to find and you gave that to me. as cliche as it sounds it was never you because it was always me. i let my own insecurities and demons take over and control me. on top of that i was always drunk and high trying to ignore the battle that was going on in my head. you didn’t deserve anything i put you through and i am truly sorry. i don’t care if you don’t forgive me, i need you to know how sorry i am. i will be spending the rest of my life trying to make it up to you, even if that means just being your friend and supporting you from afar. i made my bed and now I have to lie in it. i do love you and always have but i couldn’t be the man you needed, and i have spent months trying to change that.” jack said while tearing up.

“jack i-”

“ im not trying to be rude but i don’t need you to say anything i just wanted you to hear that so maybe it could give you some peace of mind. i want you happy with or without me.”

you don’t know what took over you, but before you could even think about what was happening your lips were on his and you were on top of him. the kiss was so passionate and needy. it was like you both needed the other to breathe. how could you have gone this long without him? his hands had a tight grip on your ass pulling you as close to him as possible as you straddled him. it felt as if you could finally see him for the first time in almost 6 years. this was the jack you had fallen in love with, and this was the jack that brought out the best in you. it was like you were in a trance until you realized what you were doing. you quickly jerked back, breaking the kiss.

“we can’t do t-this jack” you say standing up and taking a few steps away from him. “i can’t hurt him like this”

“okay I understand” jack says while remaining seated and adjusting himself through his pants “why did you say it like that” he questions

“like what?”

“like you are trying to convince yourself that you don’t want this”

you sighed. he was right you did want this but what type of person would that make you?

“just say the word y/n and ill be on my knees for you right now giving you exactly what you want” he says as he gets up and takes a step toward you, causing you to take a step back into the wall.

you feel his thumb against your clit rubbing circles through your leggings. of course you weren’t wearing underwear today. you could feel your wetness soaking through the thin fabric.

“do you want me to stop?” he questions as he applies more pressure causing your knees to buckle.

“no please don’t stop” you moan out while digging your nails into his shoulder trying to steady yourself.

jack drops to his knees in front of you and pulls your leggings down to your ankles. your hands instantly goes to his hair gripping his curls. he runs his finger across your soaked slit and puts the same finger in his mouth, sucking on it.

“you always taste so good” he says before putting two fingers into you causing you to let out an airy moan. his thumb finds its way to your clit as his fingers work in sync pumping in and out of you as his thumb is rubbing delicate circles on your throbbing clit. with his other arm he lifts your leg up and onto his shoulder giving him better access to you. he replaces his thumb with his mouth causing you to dig your nails into his shoulder and moan out his name. it doesn’t take long for you to feel your orgasm building. it had been so long since you actually had an orgasm and it felt as if you were going to explode. jack adds in another finger as his mouth is still latched on to you.

“jac-ck im close” you moan out as you throw your head back against the wall. you legs began shaking uncontrollably but jack placed his free hand firmly below your ass forcing you to stay up and take it. you squeezed your eyes shut as you cum all over his face leaving his beard soaked. any other time you would be embarrassed about the fact it only took you five minutes to cum, but right now you couldn’t care less.

jack stood up giving you a kiss and allowing you to taste yourself all on his lips. he then went in the other room to clean himself off before coming over to do the same to you. he tosses the towel in the hamper before helping you over to the couch.

holy fuck you. you couldn’t believe you had seriously just cheated on your boyfriend but honestly you didn’t regret it one bit.

[cleostoohot]

So Basically I am Into Law Of Assumption From October 2021 and In that Period I manifested nothing(Bcs I never put in work) But On 7 July 2022 I started Doing (3DolcxROEx12 Hours Challenge{In Which I affirmed 10 Times Instead of 30 For Every hour} ) I did this For Complete 4 And Half Day And In This Period I kept My Thoughts In Check I didn't let Myself Spiral,Waiver,React to 3D For This Complete Period But still I didn't saw Result WHY ?? And I was Affirming for whole 3 weeks that I get full subliminal result In Just 1 listen and Even this Period I kept my Thoughts In check and Whenever I thought its not working I told myself its working But still after persisting this Long I didn't saw result In My 3D Why?? And In This Period I was complete Delusional and I didn't even gave Fuck to 3D But Still I got 0 result Why ?? And If Law Is Real Then why I didn't got result and If Its Not plss tell me 😞

My Affirmation Was :-

ROE,I manifest In 1 hour or less than that

ROE,I always wakeup Into Void State

ROE,I always Get Into void state by just saying Icecream 3 time

[This All Was My Affirmation.I am telling This Bcs If There Is Some Prblm In My affirmation and Just You should get Over all view of my Condition]

i’m so sick of you guys asking me CLEO WHY WHY WHY isn’t my manifestation here WHY is it taking me long WHY do other people do it easier than i do WHY is this not working WHY are you asking meeeee? if all you need to manifest is yourself, all your answers is within yourself too. i am not you. i can’t tell you what you did wrong when you tell me the bare minimum at that. you guys be doing nothing but obsess, doubt, waver, then when you find a new technique and it doesn’t work within a few days you still obsess, doubt, and waver????? if doing that shit didn’t help you the first time then how can it help you the next time? or the time after that????? then you tb some “iF tHe lAw iS ReAL”……… it’s fucking lifeeeeee. is your life real? YES. stop looking at the law of assumption as some magical new thing just because you discovered it some months ago. it’s BEEN real since you were born. like jesus christ’s 80% of my inbox is y’all asking me where your manifestation is like i got air tags on them bitches i do not fucking knowww. i made a posts giving possible reasons based on my experience, that’s all i can tell you luvv. like i understand y’all just want the best for y’all selves and want to live your dream life but that all starts with you taking accountability for your actions. go back to square 1 if you have to. work on how you view yourself, work on how you view your relationship with the law, then get your mf desires. stop acting like all of this shit is out of your control because it’s the complete opposite. you are controlling everything.

and this goes for everybody who has asked me “where is my manifestation” in any way shape or form in the past & for yall who’s gonna ask me in the future since y’all seem to not actually take in the information i and other bloggers put out to help y’all and just jump into our inbox with questions we all ready damn answered.

& i get passionate with stuff like this because it literally took ME finally telling myself enough is enough in order to start getting exactly what i wanted. coaches or other people weren’t doing shit but just answering my basic ass questions that i already knew the answered to. i just wanted reassurance. i had to lift myself up out of that cycle, and place myself into a new cycle of constant manifestations. do the same. if i can it’s completely possible.

[jayflrt]

this is long sorry 😅

saw you guys talking about fanservice and i have some opinions about it. for starters i do think they were told to up it since members who didn’t really used to partake in it are doing so now. why i have no idea (i actually have a theory about it being because they’re all technically legal now, however that’s another convo) but it’s definitely more than it used to be. that being said i feel like it’s a thing with enha too. they have never been the type to tell us no, unfortunately, so if they think that the y/n type fanservice is what people want then they’re gonna continue doing it. and it is what people want sadly. since their debut they’re priority has been making fans happy even if it’s not what they themselves particularly want. it’s an issue i have with them actually because they need to start saying no and setting boundaries 😭 they are kind and people use that kindness to get whatever they want.

next is that their fanservice still isn’t that bad. it’s more than it used to be most definitely, but in comparison to some other bg’s? they are still relatively tame. it’s the fanbase that makes everything so extreme. like i have absolutely no issue with fanservice, but i cannot stand the reaction to it. not only does it generally make things seem more intense than they actually are, but sometimes it makes the guys look bad? like ik that people write him this way a lot on here (lowkey have a bone to pick with some authors and how they only portray him this way as if he has no actual personality traits), but the fact that people have genuinely called heeseung a fuckboy, cheater, playboy, and toxic as if they know anything about his personal relations? the way that’s he’s discussed you would never guess that off stage he a hopeless romantic loser (affectionate) 😭. and even outside the members that people have a tendency to say whatever they want about (heejake) it’s gotten bad. hoon for example has done a little more fanservice then he used to, but that doesn’t mean logical thinking should be going out the window. we all know that weverse translations are not accurate so why were there multiple hit tweets of him allegedly saying he wants to sleep with a fan, when in reality he was talking about a damn phone lockscreen? and nobody bothered to correct themselves? 😭

i partially blame how bad things have gotten on how young a lot of the fandom is and how they don’t know how to find a balance with things. because imagine my surprise seeing people call enha the most fanservicey group they’ve ever seen lol. y’all ever heard of vixx?

you guys also mentioned send off and dear lord. i think that was the true y/n takeover of the fandom. once people realized that enha genuinely like their fans and find interest in hearing about their lives ex. them asking us to post about our days on wv, watching engene vlogs, etc. they absolutely ran with it. i have been on entwt since enha debuted and never in my years have i seen so many people obsessed with the prospect of enha perceiving them? my entire tl got taken over by people making the same repetitive jokes about the boys being cheaters and selfies. like what do you mean we have celebrated 4 birthdays with jungwon and have never had an issue with canceling the selca day until this year and it was “oh but it’d be a cute surprise!” like you know what would be even cuter? him seeing cute sweet birthday messages under his tags and not your faces 🤗

anyways my main point is that while fanservice has increased it’s not the boys’ fault that things have gone to shit lol

i have noticed that sunghoon's been doing a lot more fanservice than before !! i remember i'd always say it's such a good day to be a jayhoon stan bc they never do fanservice 😭😭 but now hoon's playing up the parasocial relationship hard 😡 i do think it's honestly just belift seeing how their fanbase is like and trying to cater towards them more. since fanservice and the y/n treatment works then that's what they're gonna keep doing to retain their growth. but yeah i totally agree that i hope they can set more boundaries :// some of the fancalls feel so uncomfortable to watch because i feel like they're being held against their will 😭

that's also true!! i think engenes have a history for exaggerating things and making things more extreme than they need to be 🤧 like that fansign where people asked them if they're okay with their gf going to the movies with other guys or texting other guys LOL they definitely knew what was up and knew we'd like to hear some jealousy so they catered to that !! omg yeah i've heard some atrocious things they've been called and it makes me feel a little uncomfortable bc if that was being said about a random stranger,, i wouldn't like that person at all!! or i'd think they had incel mentality 😭 the fact that those get pushed on enha def feels weird but in terms of fanfiction i do think people are just writing them based on a trope, so i give authors the benefit of the doubt that they don't actually think that way !! but yeah the tweets that make them out to be sleazy....... like we don't know these men at all so these are very weird assumptions to make about people

the fate tour was definitely the rise of the y/n stans 😭😭 like EVERYTHING became about interactions and everything became a selfie trend (which i don't mind as long as it's harmless but having ensd on jungwon day???) but yeah idk if people realize it but the focus is slowly shifting from stanning enha as a group for their music and artistry to stanning them because they're boyfriend material and give their fans the y/n treatment 😔

[backwzzds]

hi lora same anon as the "no need to answer this" i was in that server,, saw when that shit went down && lemme just say: those bitches were fake n im not talking abt val bc girly was barely active.

imani n their ppl jus down right WRONG for not speaking abt the wrong things they did. im not picking sides bc no one is innocent but bffr. you talking shit abt everyone who writes ""dc"" but u not gonna talk abt what u did

i didnt even dabble in dc. i have moots who do and that’s what they write!! i’m not the type of person who gets offended by what people write if its not promoting abuse, dv, grape or any twisted shit like that. i mind my black ass business !!!! so for people i dont even know to call me “iffy” and “weird” for writing the way that i want to on MY page is weird as fuck ! especially if ur up in my inbox kissing my ass about how “ur so glad we’re moots!”.

my rules are VERY valid and they’re unique to me. don’t like my content? don’t read it! i’m not doing none of this writing shit to make any of u niggas happy, or impress y’all, period. u dont like me? cool! but don’t be sitting up in my inbox w fake ass shit & then do this behind mine & others’ backs. then y’all be mad as fuck when i come up on here & defend my name which is crazy LMFAOOOO.

and for people who was in there and didnt defend my name or even venus’ name or even say some shit to us, fuck y’all too! cuz how long this shit talking server was going on and ‘tea’ was being exchanged? nasty ass people yo LMFAOOO

[significant-ace-nnoyance]

how long did it take you to watch the van scene the first time? about how many times did you rewind? did you catch the lip glance right away? did you think it was heading in a byler positive direction when mike was talking? how about when will was talking? were you happy/disappointed by the painting? how did you feel by the end of it? how devastated were you by will's crying?

OMGMGMMYY SO MANY QUESTIONS

bestie i’m gonna be completely honest my memory is absolute SHIT bc yay trauma response but ILL TRY TO REMEMBER FOR U

how long did it take you to watch the van scene the first time? about how many times did you rewind?

i watched the van scene once the whole way to like no pausing or anything the first time because i had to watch both v1 and v2 all in one go the nights they came out in my room until like 1am so that it wouldn’t get spoiled for me and also bc i was like leaving for a trip the next day and didn’t want to watch them on the plane where i couldn’t scream. since then i’ve watched SO MANY analysis videos but i don’t think i’ve had the chance to actually rewatch it by myself just bc my family doesn’t allow much watching of the tv lol so i end up engaging a ton more with fandom than reexperiencing canon? but i rly want to omg omg

did you catch the lip glance right away? did you think it was heading in a byler positive direction when mike was talking? how about when will was talking?

at this point i’m like 94% sure i didn’t get byler on my own at least consciously because i was kinda sad and disappointed by s4 and the heteronormativity goggles were STRAPPED ON but i will say that it literally took me less than a day of acquiring a tumblr account to hop on the byler train because i think subconsciously i definitely picked up on it BC HOW COULD YOU NOT and once i stopped intentionally explaining it away to myself as them being “special friends” or accepting heteronormative relationships as the only possible norm without need for explanation or backing I WAS FREED and here we are now :) BUT i will say i do still learn something new every day here on byler tumblr bc y’all are TOO SMART and there’s honestly so much in this show you physically cannot over analyze it there’s always more to discover and recontextualize and find different interpretations of

as for the mike/will thing i think it took me a bit longer to realize that mike was actually more proof of byler than will lol because there’s a lot more heteronormativity to unpack to analyze and understand his character but at the same time learning about that side of things is what fully convinced me i think along with just learning more about the actors and the duffers message in the show etc. because before i was worried that it would be representation through will just bad representation 💀

were you happy/disappointed by the painting? how did you feel by the end of it?

similar to what i said before i was unable to really see byler beyond my protective biases towards will as a queer person who saw myself in him and preemptively prepared myself for how i thought he was going to be treated and so my attitude through the whole thing was mostly one of “omg will 😭😭😭 aw omfg my poor baby 😭😭 AW WILL 😭😭 LOOK AT HIS LIL PAINTING IM SO PROUD OF HIM BUT ALSO 😭😭😭 oh god i really hope they aren’t using the gay character to push the straight ships arc omg will ur so gay that was so gay of you OMG NO HES CRYING 😭😭😭 HES TEARING UP 😭😭 ONFG HES CRYING HES CRYING OMG JOHNATHAN KNOWS HE CAN SEE OMFG 😭😭😭😭 THIS IS SO SAD WILL” and mike was like not even in my thought process 💀💀 because my lil queer heart was really going through it

BUT!! now that i’ve removed my biases about how i expect queer characters in st to be treated every byler scene is lowkey painful to watch because THEYRE SO GAY??? IT FEELS PRIVATE I FEEL LIKE IM INTRUDING BUT ALSO IM AN ABSOLUTE GIGGLING MESS BC SJNDBDBBEBE

how devastated were you by will's crying?

DEVASTATED. OMFG. i think i sensed wills queerness for a while but as soon as that pretty girl touched his ankle and he was like 🧍‍♂️😐 i remember SCREAMING ‘gay!!!’ and then i JUMPED on the will byers is my gay child train and so the rest of s4 GUTTED me and i think that’s partially the reason it took me longer to see the mike thing is because i was just so pissed at him for putting wills in pain at the airport and the roller skate rink (partially also because his dismissal of will and wills feelings at the airport felt personal to me as a sort of reflection of the dismissal of will and his happiness that i expected from the ga and the storyline due to predominant representations and treatment of queerness and queer characters in past media so i was IMMEDIATELY put off and hated everything mike did 💀💀 no one talks to my blorbo that way)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

so sorry i wrote like an essay for this and idk if i answered any of your actual questions because like i said my memory is worse than mike wheelers self esteem but THANK YOU I LOVED THIS ASK I HOPE YOU HAVE A LOVELY LOVELY DAY <333

[nonbayanary]

author’s log

Here are my thoughts as I write the HiruSena fic titled, “The Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known.”

Archive of Our Own  ●   Fanfiction.Net

---

[check out the author’s log below the cut!]

Note: This post will be updated continuously, until the fic ends. So buckle up y’all, it’s gonna be a longass fuckin’ ride!

[Log 1]:  Fic Length

This fic actually wasn’t meant to be this long. Originally, I just planned on having three long chapters, with twenty-one parts. 

But then I got attached to these specific portrayals of Hiruma and Sena, and now I can’t let them go without putting these rat bastards (*affectionate*) under a microscope and giving their trauma an in-depth analysis. 

So uhhhh sorry y’all, now this story is divided into Acts 1 to 4, with (hopefully only) 69 parts for each one. 

4 Acts bcs in Japanese culture, “4″ is the number symbolizing death

And 69 parts each bcs EYYYYY 69 lmaoooo

[Log 2]:  Fic’s Manifestation Properties (part 1)

I think this fic has some powers of manifestation??? Like I know it sounds stupid, but hear me out ok

So when I wrote in Ch.2, part xi. that Hiruma used to get panic attacks, it hit me: “Shit, doesn’t this mean I gotta portray an actual panic attack? I gotta do right by the readers!”

And I was like, “Ah, fuck me in the ass and call me Satan. Even if I’ve read about panic attacks for years, I’ve never actually had any before. So how do I write them?”

And then BAM! At home, I start undergoing even worse domestic abuse and psychological torture from my father. 

BAM! I begin to have actual panic attacks. 

BAM! I start having panic attacks so often, that sometimes, I have as many as three consecutive attacks in an hour. 

At one time, it was so bad at home that my attacks were daily. 

But every night, that’s when my panic attacks hit the hardest. Because my father always came home at night. My attacks would knock me unconscious. Like, really knock me out cold, yo. Because this was the only way my brain could help me cope when my father and I were in the same vicinity.

And when I was in the absolute gutter, I would wake up in the midst of a panic attack. And then, when I realized my father was still inside the house, an attack would knock me out again. I would continue to wake up and get knocked out until I was sure he was gone. 

Past Me, before domestic abuse was bad: “Oh no, how do I write panic attacks? I’ve never had any before!”

Present Me, dead-eyed: “Oh, honey.” 

At least I now have a lotta content on panic attacks, though!!! EYYYY I’m taking my wins where I can get ‘em lmaooo

[Log 3]:  Fic’s Manifestation Properties (part 2)

So I’ve got further proof that this fic has some powers of manifestation

Past Me, panicked: “Oh no! Sena has a cat named Pitt in canon! But I don’t know how to write about cats! My family only owns dogs!”

And then BAM! The neighborhood stray cat gets killed by family’s dogs, leaving one kitten orphaned at my house.

BAM! My sibling and I pity the orphaned kitten so much that we adopt it, and start raising it as the sole house cat. 

BAM! Days later I realize: “Well, I guess I now know how cats behave. Wait — OHMYGOD, I can write about cats now!”

Like I am not saying the neighborhood cat’s death had a use, okay. That’s not what I’m saying. I loved that cat, and I grieved her. I wept for her, especially when her kitten called out for her at night. 

I’m just saying that when I start thinking, “Oh no, how do I write this?” 

Some coincidental shit happens

BONUS: Please don’t worry about the orphaned kitten. I’m taking care of her now! Her name is “King Eris” (because I thought she was male at first. The revelation of my mistake only came to me when, months later, I noticed she had a lack of a dick.) She loves headpats, playing, sunbathing on the roof, sleeping on my lap, torture, and murder. (The last two parts are about cockroaches. She plays with them in such a gruesome manner that the poor insects’ deaths are slow and painful.)

[Log 4]:  Literary Works that Inspired the Fic’s Creation: AFTG series

This fic is based on Nora Sakavic’s trilogy, “All For The Game” series. 

It’s a GAY novel series about sports, mafia, and a shitton of childhood trauma. 

It’s really worth the read if you love soul-crushing trauma from different kinds of childhood abuse, and the hope that stems from surviving your circumstances, and choosing each day to continue living anyway. 

This book is my go-to for references on school sports, sports training, healing, and a fuckton of traumatized, lovable kids. 

Because in this fic, that’s what Hiruma and Sena are, essentially: traumatized, lovable kids.

Sena’s mother Mihae is loosely based on one of AFTG’s badass characters: Renee Walker. 

The “Yes or No” moments of consent between Hiruma and Sena are actually inspired by the main couple in the AFTG series, Neil Josten and Andrew Minyard. 

[Log 5]:  Literary Works that Inspired the Fic’s Creation: TLT series

This fic is also based on Tamsyn Muir’s tetralogy, “The Locked Tomb” series. 

It’s about lesbian necromancers in space. It’s got a lot of religious symbolism (Christian), and it sometimes borders on the blasphemic, which I love. After all, my fic’s got a lotta blasphemy in it.

There is SO MUCH love and devotion in The Locked Tomb series, which is why I use it as a reference. 

The fic is, after all, tagged as “Homoerotic Devotion” (or at least, in AO3. In FF.Net, I have no such luck.) There are wholeass bucketloads of devotion in The Locked Tomb, and a lot of them are sure as hell homoerotic. 

[Log 6]:  Literary Works that Inspired the Fic’s Creation: TGCF series smut fics

I’ll be honest, y’all. This fic would not have existed if not for the smuttiest fics out there, about a god being reverently fucked by his worshipper. 

Let’s give a round of applause for the smut fics of Mò Xiāng Tóng Xiù’s webnovel series, “Heaven Official’s Blessing!”

Heaven Official’s Blessing is also called, “Tian Guan Ci Fu,” or  [天官赐福]. The English fandom just calls it “TGCF” for short.

Lemme quote someone for a quick second here, to summarize the story. 

“At its core, TGCF is a story about a fallen god and his last believer; it's a story about devotion, love, loss, longing, fate and destiny, and the meaning of ‘forever’ and ‘to believe'. sure, there are other things: friendship, loyalty, the price of power etc.”

So like, taking the love and devotion of the main couple, and put it in an equation where you add a very creative fandom. BAM! The result is a myriad of smut fics full of praise kinks, god kinks, and body worship. 

Of course, a lot of TGCF fics are inspired by Hozier’s songs as well.

So like, it got me thinking: “Damn, HiruSena doesn’t have that.”

And then my thought process gradually shifted to, “Well, why can’t the HiruSena fandom have that? I guess if I wanna see that shit, then I gotta make it.”

And thus, with the vision in mind of a HiruSena story, inspired by Hozier, homoerotic devotion, and a lotta god-worshipper dynamic going on, this fic was born.

[Log 7]:  Hozier Song Lyrics

One of the recent trends in the fandoms I’ve traversed so far is this: Fics inspired by Hozier lyrics.

Lemme quote a review of Hozier’s music for a hot second, ok

“Each of [Hozier’s] songs are modern versions of traditional folklore that contain stories of love, tragedy, and hope, while also conveying strong political messages. Hozier has a way of delineating life's problems and purpose with beautiful poetry and turning it into songs that resonate with a piece of our soul.”

Like, Hozier’s lyrics are good. Like, really well-written. Even if you’re not a fan of his music—which I genuinely respect, don’t worry—you’ll find that when you read the lyrics of his songs, they really are “chef’s kiss” kinda good. 

Hozier's such a good fit for HiruSena, considering the ongoing Devil theme that Hiruma's trying to portray. Since Hozier songs have a common theme of devotion in them, it makes us all wonder: "What if it's the guy called The Devil who shows devotion in another?" There's so much to explore in that! 

How can a person as broken as The Devil, love someone who is just as broken? How can these two people find heaven in each other? There's so much symbolism, so much potential!

So it kinda got me stumped that I didn’t see any English HiruSena fics with Hozier songs in them. I told my sibling, and they just stared at me and asked, “Well, why don’t you write one, then?”

And BAM! Here we are. 

I hope that somewhere out there, more HiruSena Hozier fics exist. Even if they’re not in English, just knowing they exist would be absolutely lovely. 

And I suppose, if no other HiruSena Hozier fics have been written before this one, then I hope this fic inspires other writers to make more. 

[Log 8]:  Questions

This fic explores the following questions:

"What if it's the guy called The Devil who shows devotion in another?"

"How will Hiruma act when he's being tender with someone?"

"What if Hiruma knows jackshit about romance? What if he's just as awkward, or possibly even more awkward than Sena when he bares his true vulnerable self?"

“Why was Kurita so insistent on playing Amefuto, even back in middle school?”

[Answered in CH. 1]: “Why would Sena join a team when Hiruma recruited him through underhanded means?”

“Why does Hiruma act like an asshole all the time, when it seems as if there's no reason to do so?”

"What does it take for Mamori to go apeshit?"

"Will Sena use the knife his godmother Yoshiko gave him? What is his breaking point? Will the knife remain unused forever? What is the one thing that will drive Sena over the edge?"

Y’all can disregard this particular log tbh. I just put it here so I can keep track of all the questions I want the fic to answer. 

Also LMAO, me saying, “This fic explores the following questions,” as if it’s a goddamn thesis hhhhhh

[Log 9]:  Dedication

I honestly hope that I can reach out to people with similar trauma thru this fic. 

One of the things that helped me persevere through my hardships was: "Character A got through this! Maybe I can too!" And that's what I'm trying to do to in this fic too. 

Whether HiruSena romance scenes dominate, or whether the Hozier lyrics or the memes are more memorable, the true core of this fic is trauma.

This fic is for everyone out there who survived abuse, the people who hold wreckages inside their chests instead of hearts. 

This fic is for the people who clung to Sena's character and loved him, purely because they too were getting bullied. 

This fic is for the people who flinch, for the people who wished they were as powerful as Canon Hiruma. 

This fic is for the people who wake up, and have to talk themselves into getting up from bed each day, instead of giving up. 

This fic is for each and every warrior out there, who has to live normally even after the world did its best to break them.

This fic is for all you survivors out there. 

[Log 10]:  Hiruma crying in Chapter 2

So like, on one hand, I’m glad Hiruma’s released all his years of pent-up grief through crying. Because keeping that all inside is unhealthy and damaging

And it’s actually quite heartbreaking that the thing that actually does manage to set him off is a video of his mother cradling him close to her, when he was but an infant 

But like

Let’s be real with each other for a hot second, okay

Hiruma just fucking cried to the “I want to see my little boy! Here he comes!” vine LMAOOOO

[Log 11]:  The Backstory & Trauma of Kobayakawa Shuuma (Sena’s Dad)

Shuuma’s trauma is actually based on my own trauma, or one aspect of it at least

And that’s trauma caused by having a verbally and emotionally abusive mother.

So don’t worry about the accuracy of trauma representation here, bros, bcs some parts are based on a trueass story.

[Stay tuned, bcs there are definitely a lot more logs to come!]

[adampage]

listen after mox debuted at double or nothing 2019 at the end of the kenny/jericho match, jericho released a podcast interview with mox thats fucking GREAT I love that interview because he talks about all the shit that went down for him and how he felt about wwe but the best part TO ME about that interview is at the end when jericho asks mox who he’d like to wrestle now that he’s in aew and he mentions adam page by name so when mox says he’s wanted to wrestle hangman for THREE FUCKING YEARS and they’ve been CIRCLING EACH OTHER all that time that’s no fucking joke I pretty much said the same thing to hangman when I saw him at a con my fucking question for him was “so are you dodging mox or is mox dodging you bc it feels like y’all have Just Missed Each Other for Years” I NEED YOU TO KNOW IVE WANTED THIS FOR SO LONG when mox won the title for the first time he said “feels like beer o’clock” and looked at the gorilla position for ten fucking seconds silent and then his music played and he said “hey what the fuck” because they were oscaring him off the stage bro HE WAS WAITING ON THE COWBOY DONT FUCKING MESS WITH ME and now they’re in the ring and he’s calling hangman a sweet kid and a year ago he called him a white knight this man has been trying to flirt with the cowboy for THREE FUCKING YEARS and two weeks from now he’s gonna choke him on live television for everyone to see I’m gonna have a panic attack

[jakeowen]

can i use y’all as a gay r/aita. so i met this guy a while back, and he starts chatting me up and we have an interesting convo and he like, hits on me a little, i tell him i’m gay, he says that’s cool and asks some v straight-guy questions, we exchange contact info. he starts texting me all flirty like telling me how hot i am, so i very explicitly say “hey so i’m 100% gay and nothing you say is gonna change that, i’m not trying to lead you on so let’s be clear” and he’s like “yeah i respect that, i won’t flirt if you don’t want me to” and i said i didn’t care as long as we were on the same page. anyway he’s kind of a needy texter, like he just wants to chat, hey how was your day blah blah blah. that is like one of my least favorite ways to communicate, and i have been making an effort bc i need friends, but i’ve also been trying to initiate plans to hang out in person. i have tried to do this 3-4 times, and each time it has fallen through for a him reason. but lately he started giving me shit about how i’m too busy for him and he can’t text me first anymore bc i don’t have time to talk, and today he said he wishes he was a girl so he could have more of my time and attention. i’m like “dude you are getting more of my time and attention than anyone else i know right now including my best friends and the multiple girls i’m talking to on the apps, i’m trying to hang out and you’re the one making it not happen so please don’t guilt me” and he’s like “wow now you’re making me feel so special maybe you are into me” and i was like “uhhh no still gay” and he just like sent me eye-roll emojis so i snapped and sent this long message about how if he’s gonna say he respects me he needs to actually respect me but i don’t feel respected when he talks like that and i think he’s cool and interesting but if he’s secretly hoping i’m gonna change my mind and fuck him, he’s wrong and i don’t want to be friends with him. anyway he freaked out because he was just joking around blah blah blah, we talked through it and set some boundaries and we’re good now but i feel like i had to apologize for attacking him way more than was necessary. am i the asshole and is it even worth trying to be friends with this dude? sound off in the comments

[elevatormusic]

my first reaction with zero context: only friends ep 6

i’m sorry. do y’all actually eat apples that aren’t green? the others are so gross

TWO MOTHERS LETS GO

bc you are a cheater

quit sleeping with boston maybe? idk that’s just me

oh that group project about to be awkward af

they’re way ahead of you my guy

i mean boston is a dick but he does have a point

i would be so scared to wear those hoops doing that

tell him nick

if he knows it was fucked why doesn’t he apologize first of all

choke him

babes back!!!!

do they not have NDAs in thailand? real question

i want him to

oh my mans is open open with his mom okay damn

we are at that point

the two tall fuckers are back together baby

why are you saying hi like you didn’t do the shit you did to him

y’all can def avoid each other

hit him again

now kiss

what was that for??

dude just answer him

you didn’t even get out of it he’s gonna know

ha those bitches look dumb af

ngl they’re lowkey boring to watch without him sleeping with someone else

sand what are you up to exactly? no way ray stops liking mew after this

i beg of you to stop hiding your feelings *i say as if i don’t do the same thing*

kinda funny that if someone else said that to ray he probably would’ve started a fight

not there????

but i called it was gonna be sand that told ray about ton and top

okay i love that they’re about to get what they deserve but also you just threw nick under the bus but also nick shouldn’t have done that so yes

sand is full on fuck relationships i just want to destroy this one man

he met his dad??

stop making that face you’re so obvious

oh going to ton first interesting

don’t let him manipulate you

how would that make him like you😭

at least say something that makes sense

*laughs* tell him ray please

not for long

wrong

tell. him.

i thought he was about to pull out a ring lmaoo

oh he’s trying

wait wash your hands first

let’s not y’all are toxic

where did sand come from😭

mans said why is this fool touching my mic

he looks so uncomfortable sir you got yourself into that

he’s about to be so toxic please

oh going for the lesbians too?? what did they do to you?

tell me why sand is the only one that went to stop him oh my god they all want the tea so bad

babe he’s been sleeping with you tho

honestly he should’ve decked him

sir i don’t think you understand what “caring and loving” means

why’d he yell at him tho lmao

okay well now you gotta tell him

just say it dammit

you just made a full out of yourself without saying what you were supposed to say

you really don’t deserve sand my god

fellow human😭😭😭😭😭

sand the only one that has morals. mans said idc if you get yourself killed but you ain’t getting others

call the cops??

he just called him a whore i’m so sorry who??? 👁️👄👁️

i’m so serious call the cops

don’t chase him you’re gonna get run over

nick leave

no he’s not💀

HUH?????

you lying piece of shit

well they were in a car

that’s what you took out of that??

hold on why did ray do that whole boston tea party if he already told mew?

[bloominstorm]

Finally we’re moving on from this arc..