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#Bear Bites Horse
senorboombastic · 6 months
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'Feel Worse' - Listen to the seventh episode of ’60 Minutes or less’, the new podcast from Birthday Cake For Breakfast – featuring Steven Hodson of USA Nails!
Words: Andy Hughes Here we are then – the seventh episode of ’60 Minutes or less’, the new podcast from Birthday Cake For Breakfast. What a peach too – a bumper chat with Steven Hodson, guitarist and vocalist in gnarly quartet USA Nails. Having formed around 2013, we’ve been following USA Nails for pretty much the life of Birthday Cake For Breakfast. I still fondly recall their appearance at…
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catboybiologist · 5 months
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The year is 2030.
At the Cincinnati stop of her "world tour", Taylor Swift ends her set. As she walks off the stage, she leans into a nearby mic and says "oh by the way, I'm lesbian".
She's still milking a public relationship with a man named Chett Whitesman, so this is met with a combination of cheers and confusion. Immediately, the media mobilizes. They have to intercept her before she gets onto her private jet, and ambush her for an interview. Luckily, this has become much easier these days. Since the release of her 2027 album, "The Carbon Emissions of my Heart", T Swizzle has performed a ritual sacrifice of an endangered species on live camera every time she boards her jet, a #girlboss way of saying that her emotional pain can only be healed by the tortured screams of drowning polar bears.
(Since this practice started, a devoted faction of Swifties have started a carbon negative algae farming commune, with the express intent of negating taytay sweezie's contributions to climate change. Apparently "her tortured soul deserves to pollute without guilt". They haven't even come close to their goals.)
Taytor Twift is intercepted after this ritual, as she's walking up the steps of her plane. When asked what the lesbian statement was about, she nonchalantly says "oh, I thought it was clear that was a joke. Anyways, G T G!" , before biting into the still beating heart of an emperor penguin.
During her flight, discourse on the newly renamed twitter-X-ElonIsExtremelyVirile Corp goes nuclear like it never has been before.
There's a camp of swifties thoroughly convinced that her relationship with Chett is all a beard so that she can still keep touring in the New Christian Republic of Florida, and the interview at the plane was deepfaked.
A different camp of Swifties feels insulted and betrayed that she would be anything less than a paragon of allyship. To them, this is the worst slight the queer community has ever experienced.
A third camp of Swifties insists that she *is* dating Chett, and is also a lesbian. They get insulted that anyone would police Taylor's labels. Comparisons to the Boulder, Colorado shooter are made.
A group of non Swifties tries to point out that everyone is fucking insane and that 'ole taytay regularly tear gases pride rallies to make way for her promenade to stadium venues, and who the fuck cares about this shit and point out that what a billionaire celebrity does for five minutes of PR is not worth your attention or discourse, nor does it warrant harassing other people for the labels *they* use, and isn't it really fucked up that Taylor is making a joke of how people describe their identities? They are promptly doxxed, harassed, and banned.
Bi lesbian discourse is off the charts. Nothing Taylor said has anything to do with it, but it happens anyways.
A lone transsexual who actually goes outside once in a while tweets "hey guys isn't it kinda fucked up that 2.4 billion people have been displaced by mega storms this year that her jet contributes to and is also specifically designed to fly over" and is promptly doxxed and harassed off the platform.
After an exhausting 9 minute plane ride, Tailing Swiffer lands in Columbus for the next performance of her world tour. She unveils a new single that contains the line "ride my horse after dumping him, stepping up onto my SAD dle".
All is forgotten. All is quiet. The Swifties continue as usual, moving on to the next discourse about these lyrics.
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seafarersdream · 1 month
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Heck yeah Freddie Fox!!!!what if reader plays Gwayne and Alicent sister, but their chemistry is sooooo good that the creators had to cut their scenes together because "they're Hightowers, not Targaryens"🤣🤣🤣and the cast are having the time of their lives with that
Me and the Devil (Freddie Fox x Y/N)
Y/N L/N, who stars as Lady Eleanor Hightower, has an absolutely electric chemistry with her on-screen brother, Freddie Fox, who plays Ser Gwayne Hightower, much to the amusement and exasperation of the HOTD cast and crew.
TW // Strong language and profanities, incestuous undertones, sexual tension and innuendos.
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The sun was rising behind the walls of the Red Keep, casting long, creeping shadows over the Outer Courtyard. Lady Eleanor Hightower, clad in the deep, grieving olive of her house, stood with an air of weary grace beside her sister, Dowager Queen Alicent. Her face was a picture of calm, though her eyes were heavy with the sorrow of loss and the weight of recent weeks.
“Do you think he’ll bring that dreadful horse again?” Eleanor asked, her voice soft but dripping with that sharp edge she never quite lost, even in mourning.
Alicent’s lips twitched, but she held her composure. "If he does, I’ll have it stabled outside the walls. I’m not having that beast piss all over the courtyard again."
The rumble of hooves on cobblestones drew their attention. The gates opened, and a column of knights in shining armor, bearing the sigil of House Hightower, entered the courtyard. At their head was Ser Gwayne Hightower, his helm tucked under one arm, revealing the tousled auburn hair and devil-may-care grin that Eleanor had grown so used to seeing—when he wasn’t hiding it behind an arrogant smirk.
“Well, well, look who it is. The fairest blooms of Oldtown,” Gwayne drawled, striding over like he owned all Seven Kingdoms. “Alicent, you’re still holding up the realm with that iron fist of yours. And Eleanor…” His eyes trailed over her, lingering just a fraction too long, “Looking every bit the grieving widow. Tell me, how does it feel to be free of that hideous arsehole, late Lord Hastwyck? May the Seven forgive him.”
Eleanor shot him a withering look, but there was a glint of mischief in her eyes. “About as good as it feels to watch you strut around like you haven’t been fucked in months.”
“Oh, fuck off, Ellie,” Freddie retorted, still in character, his grin widening. “Thought all that mourning might’ve taken the edge off your bite, but clearly, I was wrong.”
Eleanor arched an eyebrow, a smirk that could rival his playing on her lips. “And you, brother, seem as full of yourself as ever. Did the trip here inflate your ego even further?”
Gwayne grinned wider, flashing teeth. “Careful, little sister, or I’ll think you missed me.”
Alicent, tired of their verbal sparring, interjected. “Gwayne, you’ve arrived at an important time. Ser Criston Cole has replaced our father as Hand, and there is much work to be done.”
Gwayne’s grin faded into a sneer. “Ser Criston Cole? That jumped-up cunt of a knight? What, are we that desperate, we’re pulling nobodies out of the arse-end of the Kingsguard now?”
The crew, who had been trying to keep it together, finally lost it. Laughter rang out across the courtyard, cameramen shaking their heads as they tried to stay steady.
“Cut! Fucking hell, cut!” Geeta Patel called out, struggling to keep the exasperation out of her voice. She stepped forward, waving her hands as she approached the trio. “Alright, Freddie, Y/N, that was... Jesus Christ, that was incredible. But you’re not Jaime and Cersei Lannister, alright? You’re Hightowers. That kind of sibling chemistry doesn’t fly in this family. Tone down the ‘let’s fuck each other senseless’ vibes, okay?”
Freddie turned to Y/N, a devilish grin spreading across his face. “Hear that, darling? We’re too bloody hot for Westeros.”
Geeta rolled her eyes, but she was smiling despite herself. “I swear, you two are going to give me aneurysm. Just... try to remember you’re siblings. No more of that smoldering shit. The Hightowers don’t do what the Targaryens do, alright?”
Freddie put on a mock-serious face, hand over his heart. “I solemnly swear to be the picture of brotherly love. No more dirty looks, no more—“
“Smoldering looks, you tosser,” Y/N corrected, elbowing him in the ribs. “And good luck with that.”
The crew was still giggling, a few members openly impressed. “Honestly, we haven’t seen chemistry like this since Game of Thrones,” one of the grips muttered, shaking his head. “It’s fucking unreal.”
As Geeta returned to her chair, giving notes to the crew, Freddie leaned in closer to Y/N. “Honestly, how are we supposed to act like siblings when you keep giving me those eyes?”
Y/N shot him a sidelong glance. “You mean the same eyes you’re giving me right now? Don’t think I don’t notice.”
Freddie chuckled, his voice low enough that only Y/N could hear. “Well then how about we really give them something to talk about?”
Y/N swatted at him playfully. “Behave yourself, Fox. Or I’ll tell Geeta.”
“You wouldn’t dare.”
“Try me.”
Before Freddie could fire back, Geeta’s voice rang out again. “Alright, enough banter, you two. Places! And for fuck’s sake, remember—you’re Hightowers, not Targaryens or Lannisters!”
Freddie straightened up, slipping back into his role as Ser Gwayne, but not before giving Y/N one last, devilish wink. “For now,” he muttered under his breath, just loud enough for her to hear.
Y/N fought to keep her expression neutral, but the corners of her mouth twitched with suppressed laughter. She shot him a look that promised retribution later.
As the cameras rolled once more, they slipped effortlessly back into character, their banter sizzling with that same crackling chemistry that had the entire crew both laughing and marveling at just how damn good these two were together—siblings or not.
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On a different day, Geeta Patel was giving final instructions to Olivia Cooke and to Fabien Frankel. “Alright, Olivia, Fabien,” Geeta began, her tone calm. “This scene is all about the farewell. Criston, you’re asking for Alicent’s favor before you leave for war. This is a significant moment between you two. We need it to be subtle, yet powerful. Got it?”
Fabien nodded, his expression serious. “Got it, Geeta.”
Olivia smiled. “Ready when you are.”
Geeta gave them a satisfied nod and turned to the crew. “Okay, everyone, positions! Let’s make this one count.”
As the cameras rolled, Criston Cole approached Alicent with a grave expression, his armor gleaming in the dying light. He bowed low, his voice steady but laced with emotion. “Your Grace,” he began, his tone respectful, yet carrying an undercurrent of something deeper.
Alicent looked at him with those sharp, knowing eyes, giving him a slight nod. “May the Seven guide you, good knight,” she said, her voice soft but resolute. “And lead you not to shadow and death.”
Criston bowed his head even lower, his hand resting on the hilt of his sword. “I thank Your Grace for her prayers,” he replied, his voice filled with reverence.
Alicent turned as if to leave, her gown sweeping the stones with a soft rustle. But before she could take more than a step, Criston’s voice called her back. “And I would request,” he said, his words halting her in her tracks, “that Her Grace grant me her favor. That her Lord Commander may go into battle with her blessings… in his heart.”
The scene hung heavy in the air, the tension thick between them as Criston’s plea echoed through the courtyard. Alicent hesitated, her hand brushing against the delicate fabric of her sleeve as she turned back to him, her eyes locking onto his. There was a moment of silence, a breath suspended in time, as everyone waited to see what she would do.
She finally reached into her sleeve, pulling out the small, delicate handkerchief embroidered with her initials. The camera zoomed in, capturing the intricate details, the way her fingers trembled just slightly as she held it out to him. “Take this,” she murmured, her voice carrying a subtle tremor, “as a token of my favor. Return victorious, Ser Criston. And know that you carry my thoughts with you.”
Criston bowed his head, taking the handkerchief. “Your Grace,” he replied, his voice rough, “I shall return with your favor in my heart and the victory of your cause in my hands.”
The scene was supposed to be the focal point of the episode—an understated farewell between the Dowager Queen and her paramour.
Or at least, that was the plan.
In the background, Eleanor and Gwayne were supposed to be having a far simpler exchange—just a quick farewell between siblings, nothing more.
The moment the camera panned to them, what was meant to be a brief, subdued farewell exploded into something far more dramatic.
“Eleanor, my sweet sister,” Gwayne declared, sweeping her up in an exaggerated embrace, his voice loud enough to carry across the courtyard. “How will I ever endure the horrors of war without your smile to guide me through the darkness?”
Y/N played right into it. She pulled back just enough to look up at him, her eyes shining with fake tears. “Gwayne, you reckless fool, you’d better come back to me—or I swear I’ll hunt you down myself.”
The crew exchanged glances, trying desperately to keep their laughter in check as the two continued to ad-lib their way through what was supposed to be a simple goodbye.
Gwayne placed a hand on Eleanor’s cheek, his expression one of melodramatic intensity. “If I do not return, tell the world I died with your name on my lips.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” someone from the crew muttered, barely audible over the sound of snickering.
Geeta Patel, perched in her director’s chair, pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to maintain some semblance of control. “Cut! CUT!” she finally called out, though her voice was tinged with reluctant amusement. “Freddie, Y/N, what the bloody hell was that? You’re supposed to be siblings, not star-crossed lovers.”
Freddie turned to Y/N with a grin that could only be described as wicked. “Sorry, Geeta, got a bit carried away there. Can you blame me? Look at her—who wouldn’t fall madly in love?”
Y/N smirked, not missing a beat. “Don’t flatter yourself, Fox. It’s called acting.”
Geeta threw up her hands in defeat. “I swear, you two are the bane of my existence. How am I supposed to get a serious scene out of you when you keep turning everything into a bloody pantomime?”
The crew was struggling to keep it together. Even Olivia, standing nearby as Alicent, was biting her lip, trying to stay in character despite the ridiculousness happening behind her.
Freddie chuckled. “Geeta, darling, I think what we’re doing here is revolutionary.”
Y/N rolled her eyes dramatically, though she was clearly enjoying herself. “What he’s trying to say, Geeta, is that we’re just too damn good together. Maybe it’s time to change the script.”
“Or maybe,” Geeta retorted, her tone playful despite her frustration, “you two could try actually sticking to the script for once. I’m pretty sure HBO isn’t paying you to improvise a Lannister-style farewell.”
Freddie turned to Y/N, pretending to consider it. “What do you think, Eleanor? Should we behave ourselves this time?”
Y/N gave a mock sigh, brushing an imaginary speck of dust off her costume. “I suppose we could try.”
Geeta couldn’t help but shake her head as she gestured for the crew to reset. “Alright, let’s take it from the top. And this time, keep it in your pants, Hightower freaks.”
Cameras rolled once more, the scene resumed, with Criston and Alicent taking center stage as intended from the start.
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The camera opens on a sleek, modern studio set, the familiar logo of Max glowing softly in the background. Y/N and Freddie are seated side by side, relaxed and comfortable, both dressed casually but stylishly—Y/N in a chic blouse and jeans, Freddie in his usual mix of sharp yet slightly rumpled attire.
The interviewer, a young woman with a cheerful demeanor, smiled warmly at them. “Thank you both for joining us today. Why don’t we start with some introductions?”
“Hello, everyone! I’m Y/N L/N, and I play Lady Eleanor Hightower on House of the Dragon,” Y/N says, her voice smooth and confident as she introduces herself.
Freddie chimes in right after. “And I’m Freddie Fox, and I play Ser Gwayne Hightower, Eleanor’s incredibly charming, dashingly handsome older brother.”
Y/N snorts, nudging him with her elbow. “You forgot modest, Freddie. Always so modest.”
The interviewer laughs, clearly enjoying their banter. “It’s great to have you both here. So, as you know, House of the Dragon has a massive fandom, and one of the things they love to do is theorize and create ships outside of the canon. They really get invested in the chemistry between characters—and, let’s be honest, between the actors as well.”
Freddie and Y/N exchange a look, both trying to suppress knowing smiles.
The interviewer continues with a mischievous glint in her eye. “So, naturally, people are starting to wonder—could we be seeing the next Kit Harington and Rose Leslie? You know, screen partners turning into real-life partners?”
Freddie, never one to miss an opportunity for a bit of fun, suddenly turned in his seat, getting down on one knee in front of Y/N. With an exaggeratedly serious expression, he took her hand. “Y/N, dearest Lady Eleanor, would you do me the immense honor of becoming my wife? I promise to annoy you, to steal your snacks, and to outshine you in every single scene we ever do together.”
Y/N bursts out laughing, placing a hand over her heart as if genuinely touched. “Oh, Freddie, how could I ever say no to such a heartfelt proposal? But I must warn you—I take up all the covers at night, and I’m not above hiding the remote if you try to switch to football during one of our movie nights.”
The interviewer is cracking up now, along with the crew behind the cameras. “I didn’t expect this, but I’m loving it! You two are absolutely priceless.”
Freddie stood up, still holding Y/N’s hand, and they both gave a bow to the camera. “Well, you know," he says, turning back to the interviewer, “it’s all about keeping the fans on their toes. Can’t make it too easy for them to figure out what’s going on, right?”
Y/N grins. “Exactly. We like to keep things... interesting.”
The interviewer, still grinning, leans in. “So, should we start planning the wedding, or...?”
Freddie looked thoughtfully at Y/N, tapping his chin. “Well, we’re thinking of something small. Just us, a couple of dragons, and maybe a White Walker to officiate. Keep it intimate, you know?”
Y/N nodded sagely. “Very exclusive. Only the crème de la crème of Westeros.”
The interviewer shakes her head, thoroughly entertained. “Okay, okay, I think we’ve just given the fandom even more fuel for their theories! On a serious note, though, it’s clear you two have incredible chemistry. What’s it like working together on set?”
Y/N smiled warmly at Freddie before answering. “Honestly, it’s a blast. Freddie and I just click, and I think that shows on screen. We’ve got a great rapport, and it’s always fun bringing these characters to life together.”
Freddie nodded, adding, “Yeah, we give each other a lot of shit, but that’s part of what makes it work. We trust each other, and that allows us to really push the boundaries in our scenes—sometimes a bit too much, according to Geeta,” he added with a wink.
The interviewer wraps it up, still chuckling. “Well, it’s been an absolute blast talking with you both. Can’t wait to see what chaos you bring to House of the Dragon next season.”
As the camera pulls back and the lights dim, Freddie and Y/N share a quick, conspiratorial glance, knowing they’d just given the fandom more than enough to talk about—and probably a few new fanfics to write as well.
When the interview dropped on the internet, the fandom absolutely exploded. Social media was flooded with clips of Freddie’s mock proposal, and the internet lost its collective mind.
Fans were dissecting every moment of the interview, from the playful banter to the way Freddie had gazed up at Y/N during his over-the-top proposal. The comments sections were filled with fans declaring that they were “shipping” the two even harder now, some even demanding that someone should cast them both in a romcom.
Amid the chaos, Y/N decided to fan the flames a bit more. She posted a cheeky selfie on Instagram, looking effortlessly stunning as always, with a caption that read, “The coolest of the Hightower siblings.”
It didn’t take long for Freddie to jump in on the fun. He reposted her selfie to his own Instagram story, adding the caption, “THE future Mrs. Fox.”
The internet went into overdrive. Fans were tagging each other, sharing screenshots, and even their House of the Dragon co-stars started chiming in with their own comments, playing along with the joke. The whole thing had taken on a life of its own, and it was clear that Y/N and Freddie had become the fandom’s favorite new obsession.
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During a press event, when Rhys Ifans, the man behind Otto Hightower, was asked about his thoughts on Freddie and Y/N’s antics, his face split into a wide, unabashed grin.
“Well, as Otto,” he began, dropping into character with a serious tone, “I have to say, it’s a major fucking ick. Completely inappropriate! Gwayne and Eleanor getting all... cozy? That would make Otto want to strangle someone. He’d be straight to the quill, penning some strongly worded letters to sort that shit out.”
The crowd erupted in laughter, knowing exactly how Otto Hightower would react to such scandal.
“But as Rhys?” he continued, his tone shifting to one of genuine enthusiasm, “I’m all in! I mean, have you seen those two together? The chemistry is off the bloody charts! If they don’t end up getting married after all this, I’ll be sorely disappointed. They’re perfect for each other—on and off the screen.”
His lighthearted comment sent the room into a ripple of laughter, with everyone loving the idea of Rhys being a secret shipper of Freddie and Y/N.
Within hours, his quote—“Ick as Otto, but fuck yes as Rhys!”—became the battle cry of the fandom, plastered across memes, gifs, and fan art that flooded every corner of the internet. It wasn't just spreading; it was detonating.
The whole situation exploded into a full-blown phenomenon, with fans practically canonizing Rhys as the unofficial president of the Freddie and Y/N ship. People started tagging him in everything, from wild fan theories to NSFW fanfiction, with captions like “Rhys would approve” or “Otto hates it, but Rhys lives for it.”
It was unhinged, chaotic, and utterly glorious. Rhys’s endorsement didn’t just add fuel to the fire; it threw in a grenade, making the whole thing go nuclear.
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tra1nchi · 5 months
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save a horse, ride a cowboy.
Boothil with domtop reader,, why ride a cowboy when you can let the cowboy ride YOU. breeding,, dumbification,,, love bomb,, and stuff hhehe
yeehaw,,MINORS DNI!! Top male reader,, toxic ah reader,, manipulation,, mind control/altering,,breeding,,dumbifaction,, love bombing
Being Boothills mechanic,,hating him from how many hours you spend fixing his metal body,,hating his lighthearted tone once he comes back to himself,,the hand on the small of your back as he walks out was unappreciated!!
Him coming back from a mission so destroyed,, His system flaring up as he overheated,,even missing a leg!! Spending all night fixing him even through what was meant to be your day off!!
But you had access to his whole system,,staring at the computer infront of you,,swallowing thickly,, sliding your guilty pleasure folder into a USB,,standing up with a short breath as you put it in at the side of his thigh!!
He woke up with a start,,he felt different,,his face felt clammy,,his sharp teeth biting at his lips as he glanced over at you,,walking willingly into your open arms,,whimpering softly at the feeling of your hand in his long hair,,
"What's happenin' to me?" He mutters softly,,clutching onto your clothing,,something was wrong about the feeling coming from his backside,,not even noticing the USB sticking out of his port!!
Gasping when he feels your fingers dip in between his metal ass,,looking up at you with wide eyes,,his lips trembling as he realised you had willingly given him a hole!! >□<
His eyes met yours before he leaned up desperately pressing his lips to yours,,guiding you down to the chair,,whimpering at the sight of your smirk as he moves to straddle down on your lap,,his long white hair cascading down his back!!
"Please darlin' treat me like those girls in my mind.." His voice was pleading,,he felt hotter,,clearly his system was overheating but he ddint care at this point,,he wanted your baby,,and he was going to get it even if he had no ability to do so,,
Bouncing himself up and down on your cock,,moaning out loudly as he grips onto your shoulder,,looking down at you with a deep blush as you whispered affirmations in his ear,,but you were so rough with tugging his hair!!
The chair creaking under your weights as you swore he was going to break it with how desperate he was for dick,,the cyborg couldn't stop himself even as he overheated!! Mumbling to himself about how much he loves your dick,,drool running down his chin as he loses his bearings completely!!
"Cum inside, need ya' so bad!" His hands move down to grip onto yours,,his eyes filled with unshed tears as you couldn't help but indulge in his request,,
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ghoulbrain · 4 months
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Animal Instinct
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18+ 3.5k ghoul x f!reader. graphic depictions of violence, wound tending, hurt/comfort, established relationship, feral/protective cooper, cannibalism, blood, dirty talk, vaginal fingering. gif credit. read on AO3. written as part of the Saddle Up, Sweetheart verse, but can be read as a stand-alone.
When you're both ambushed by raiders, Cooper comes to understand the lengths he'll go to keep you safe.
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This never would have happened if Cooper was still traveling alone. He would have been more aware of his surroundings, he would have seen the signs of an ambush long before he stepped into it, and he wouldn’t have been so focused on you instead.
It’s lazy to blame you, though. The fault is his. Without preamble or flourish he draws his revolver and starts emptying shots into the spill of sorry sons of bitches that decided they would ruin his evening.
Out of the corner of his eye he sees you move forward, weapon drawn. His lip twitches. Your grip is good, but your stance is horse-shit. If this is going to become a thing–you taggin’ along like this–he’ll have to show you how to properly fire a gun.
He refocuses quickly, stepping forward to keep himself angled between them and you. The ambush isn’t anything special: just a bunch of jumpy junkies with twitchy trigger fingers looking for their next score. He takes a shot to the shoulder, another to the sternum. He doesn’t feel anything but the impact and pressure of irradiated flesh being forced apart around the bullets. There’s no pain, not so long his system is flooded with chemicals.
It’s your cry of pain that sets his nerves ablaze. He fires two more shots–dropping the men who hit him–before he whirls around, a hot rush of fire rolling through him at the sight of you with a man pressed up against your back, one arm fitted around your throat while he crushes your wrist in his other hand, squeezing hard, keeping your gun pointed at the ground as he chokes you out.
That’s when he sees the knife sunk into your thigh, blood soaking a wide crimson circle into your clothing around the knife’s hilt. In this infinitely long and horrible instant that your gaze meets his. The pain and fear in your eyes trigger something in him, and the whole world becomes both brighter and slower all at once.
Cooper aims, fires, but his revolver clicks emptily. He doesn’t reach to reload. Instead, he moves on pure animal instinct, bearing his teeth and charging with a guttural snarl.
Adrenaline mixes with the chemical cocktail in his veins and he moves faster than the man reacts, ripping his hands from you and throwing your assailant to the ground with such incredible force it dazes the man, his eyes glazing over. He roars in the raider’s face, spittle and yellow flecks coating his dirty skin, before he lunges, sinking his teeth into the pulsing jugular below.
He lends no thought to how natural it feels to bite into warm, living flesh.
Rearing up, mouth bloodied and full of viscera, Cooper winds his fist back and strikes the man in the face. His first blow hits his jaw. The next strikes his temple.
Straddling him, he doesn’t stop hitting. One fist after the other. He aims for the jaw, the temple, the high of his cheek. He misses and shatters his nose with a satisfying crunch, blood spewing from his nostrils to coat his knuckles. His jaw breaks with a pop. Broken teeth and bone slice flesh, mixing with gore and falling to the dirt in wet chunks.
The violence feels raw and good, like the first deep inhale of a vial or a hot wet fuck. He swallows the blood and meat lingering in his mouth and lets out a rough breath. Gritting his teeth he hits harder, driven on by the scent of blood and dirt. The gurgle of choked breaths. The slip of split flesh against his fists. It's all gasoline on the flames your peril sparked.
Cooper thinks of him stabbing you. Choking you. He thinks of your watery eyes, bright and terrified. He thinks of everyone he’s ever let down, ever failed to save, and he keeps hitting. Even when the man beneath him seizes. Even when he drowns in his blood.
Even when he dies.
Cooper is beating on a hunk of ruined flesh when he finally stops, drenched in the blowback of it.
Wheezing breaths saw from his lungs as he places one hand on the dirt road, lifting himself off of the mess of battered meat. He stares down at his knuckles where pain throbs with every heartbeat. It's a welcome sensation. Not because he deserves it, but because the raider did, and because he delivered. Destruction with his bare hands. Suffering where it’s meant to be found. He drags his tongue along the soaked leather of his glove and greedily swallows what collects on his tongue.
Heart thundering in his ears, Cooper stands, dipping briefly to pick up his gun. The grip slides around in his bloodied hand before he holsters it, cloudy eyes scanning for movement until his gaze lands on you. Down on the ground, clutching your wound, you look like a doe with a bum leg, your eyes blown wide and afraid. You look… irresistible. Not just as a woman, not just as his woman, but as an easy meal.
He takes a step forward, lips parted. The edges of you are blurry to his addled mind. The only part of you that’s in focus is the bright red of your wound seeping into your clothes. His memories of lapping the salt from your skin cross wires in his brain and all he can imagine is holding you safe and sound as he devours you.
“Cooper?”
The sound of your voice acts like a shock to his system that drags him back from the sweet coppery tang of warm, fresh blood in his mouth. He’s standing above you, closer than he realized he got. The sweetness in his mouth sours into putrid rot and he takes a step backwards, rasping out a cuss under his breath. He turns his head and spits, aggressively wiping at his mouth with his sleeve, smearing away blood and little chunks of flesh, abruptly and horribly aware of himself.
Shame blooms in his gut, unfurling all the way up to a tightness in his chest. He looks down at the mutilated body on the ground. There’s no head left, just wet gore soaking into the hungry dry earth below.
He completely lost control of himself. He spits, wipes, spits, wipes, rubs his mouth raw against his sleeve in an attempt to scrub away the taste and feel of it before he dares look at you again. He contemplates shoving a handful of dirt into his mouth just to chase away the lingering tang. He never wants to see you–to think of you–like that again. Like you’re just another hunk of meat.
Your touch makes him jerk away. He looks at you sharply, furious that you would come so close after what he’s done. What he could have done to you.
“Cooper–”
“M’not right,” he says roughly, taking hold of your wrist. You flinch and he realizes that he’s snatched the same wrist the motherfucker he beat into a paste had been crushing. He softens his grip, throat tight like there’s a hand squeezing it. “Fuck, would y’just–m’not right,” he says again, an edge of desperation in his emphasis.
“I know,” you say, voice tender, as if somehow he’s the one in need of gentleness. “I know. So come back. Don’t shut me out.” There’s more authority in your voice than you have any right to have in your position, shaking like a leaf while you touch his face, hushing him with such tenderness it fractures something in him that he thought long dead and buried under the weight of the last two hundred years.
Wish I could, he thinks, wiping his hand on his thigh. That you would look at him like that even now, as if he’s somehow still a man, eats at the very core of him. Makes him want to shy away, prove you wrong, and disappear into you all at once. He takes in a steadying breath before he clutches both of your arms, moving you to the ground. 
“Easy,” he says, voice barely above a rasp. “Y’bleedin’.”
You’re holding onto his elbows as he lowers you, gritting your teeth against the pain. He focuses on your discomfort, on the risk you face, fragile thing that you are, to keep his mind far away from the abyss he walked the edge of while maiming the body behind him.
His first priority is to stanch the bleeding. His movements become practiced, hands that of a soldier. He uses a strap from his pack to create a makeshift tourniquet, twisting it around a scrap rod. All the while he’s hyper aware of your gaze on him and the shallow huffs of your breath, the way it catches when he pulls the binding tight.
“Hurts,” you say tightly.
“I know,” he says, drawing his knife. He lifts your blood soaked pant leg–don’t pause, don’t think, don’t breathe it in–and slices open the fabric. “S’about t’hurt a whole lot more. Gimme a count, I’ll pull it on three,” he tells you, bracing one hand on your thigh, the other gripping the hilt of the knife.
“Okay, okay,” you say, sucking in a deep breath. “One–”
Cooper yanks the blade free, startling a yelp out of you that carries into a pained groan.
“What happened to three?!” You ask sharply, fingers digging into the dirt.
He hurriedly smothers the wound with the cleanest cloth he has before he works on tightly wrapping the wound. “S’better when y’don’t know it’s comin’.”
“Asshole,” you breathe.
The faint twitch at the corner of his mouth is reluctant, as if there’s an invisible string tugging at it against his will. “Can’t be that bad if y’still mouthin’ off.”
“It’ll take more than a measly stab wound to keep my mouth shut,” you say, familiar playfulness slipping in alongside the strain in your voice.
“Don’t I know it,” he grouses, glancing up at you. There’s nothing reluctant about your smile. It’s the opposite of his, earnest in a way he’s long forgotten how to be. You’re making an attempt at comforting him, he realizes, looking back down to finish his work, removing the tourniquet once he’s satisfied with the dressing.  “It’ll do for now. Y’need stitches.”
“I’ll be fine,” you say dismissively, shifting onto your knees.
He makes a skeptical noise in the back of his throat, sheathing his knife. “Would it kill y’not to be so damn contrary?”
“It might,” you say, catching the lapel of his jacket and pulling at him, bringing his attention back to you. He looks down at your hand, stained now with the crimson wetness spattered all over his coat. His clothes are soaked heavy with misery and blood, but it doesn’t dissuade you any. You touch his jaw with your other hand and lift his eyes to meet yours.
“Hey,” you whisper. You’re close enough that he should feel the ghost of your breath on his lips, but he can’t. Most of the subtleties of life are lost on a man so close to death. The only ghosts he knows now are those of his past. “You okay?”
Holding your gaze, he doesn’t answer you. Sometimes you feel like one of them, like another specter haunting him. The only difference is that you haven’t died yet.
Yet.
“Come back to me,” you murmur. His vision refocuses, finding you closer than you had been a second ago. The warm pressure of your lips grazing his cheek makes him falter, wanting the tenderness of your touch so viscerally it feels dangerous to admit even to himself. “Stay with me.”
Your hand lightly cups the back of his neck, holding him without caging him. You move closer, settling in his lap, grounding him with the weight of your body against his. He moves at that, grasping your hips and squeezing.
“Stay with me,” you say again, the words as fervent as prayer. His own lips parted, he can taste the breath of each word, sweet and warm, the way a distant part of him remembers things like love could be.
Why? He nearly asks. You won’t.
He had thought himself immune to this sickly feeling. This sense of grief for someone who isn’t yet gone, but you rip it out of him. The truth of the matter is that the Ghoul should never have entertained your company. He should have left you where he found you and been on his way without ever casting a backwards glance. The Ghoul would have.
It’s Cooper who didn’t. It’s Cooper’s hands sliding up your sides, squeezing your ribs and pulling you closer, deeper. He kisses you hungrily, craving you the way the Ghoul can’t. The way a man craves.
I ain’t dead yet.
And neither are you.
Two hundred years of surviving for tomorrow has eroded his ability to exist in the here and now, but your touches demand it of him. Your lips against his bring him into the moment as he lives it. As you live it with him.
“I ever look at you like that again,” he says gruffly, swiping his tongue along his bottom lip, catching yours in the process. He moves you back enough to lock eyes with you. “You put a bullet between my eyes.”
Your lips curve in a bittersweet kind of anguish. “Like you’re gonna eat me? Because right now–”
He gives you a sharp little shake. “Y’know what I mean,” he says, startling the smile off your face. From day one he’s liked your wit, the cavalier way you face life, but on this matter he needs you to hear him. “You ever look at me, and I’m not there, you promise you’ll put me down.”
The set of your mouth turns to a flat line, your gaze somber, and you nod. “I promise.”
Some of the tension in his haggard lungs eases and he kisses you again, need shooting up his spine like a hot geyser. “That’s my girl,” he breathes, leaning back and bringing you with him, saddling you properly astride his lap, his long legs stretched out behind you.
You kiss him back just as hungrily, heedless of the blood and gristle between your melding bodies, and he’s forced to remind himself that this is the only world you’ve ever known. There’s no time before this, not for you. Your life has always been full of horrors, and for reasons he’ll never fully comprehend, you’ve decided he’s one that you want close.
He slips his hands under your thighs and squeezes, hiking your legs around his waist until you’re seated closely enough to feel the growing ache between his legs. You don’t miss a beat, grinding down against him so fervently his breath breaks into a low groan. Not even he can deny his humanity in this. You turn his blood hot and shock the deadened thump of his heart into thunder. You make him feel alive.
He’ll return the favor. He’ll turn his spit to wine on your tongue and make your whole body fucking sing.
Breaking from your lips, he uses his teeth to tug his glove free, letting it fall to the ground. His mouth feels sandpaper dry, but your lips are plenty wet. 
“Open up for me, sweetheart,” he rumbles, parting your lips with the tips of his middle and index fingers. Your eager tongue slips molten wet between his fingers, your eyes hazy on his. He pumps his fingers slowly, cups the back of your head to keep you still while plunging all the way to his last knuckles before drawing them back. “That’s it… Get ‘em good and wet.”
It’s agonizing how easily you fall apart under his touch, and even more so how good you look doing it. Somewhat reluctantly, he withdraws his fingers from your mouth and with practiced ease maneuvers his hand down the front of your pants, curving his fingers to follow the contour of your pelvis until his fingertips slide through hot, wet arousal.
“Cooper,” you exhale, the pitch of your voice canary-sweet. If you have any care regarding the death that surrounds you or the blood between his body and yours, you don’t show it, nor pay it any heed. You’re focused entirely on him, lips parted on shallow breaths of pleasure. He strokes your clit in slow, deliberate circles, the rest of the world falling away the longer he watches your euphoria build.
Fuck, you’re goddamn beautiful. Why the hell you let a creature like him have you is beyond him, but he won’t let go. Not now. Not so long as you still look at him like this.
He swallows dryly, finally slipping his fingers into the welcoming heat of your pretty cunt. You’re soaked, his own personal oasis in the Wastes, velvet walls quivering around his toughened fingers. He angles the pad of his thumb against your clit and starts to finger fuck you in earnest, his cock throbbing beneath you. 
“Fuck,” you keen softly. Your hands braced on his shoulders, you meet every thrust of his hand, huffing divine little sounds while he fucks you with his fingers, crooking them until he feels you shudder.
“Yeah,” he breathes, enraptured. “That’s it. Got y’now, don’t I? Ah ah, don’t get shy on me,” he tsks when your eyes fall shut. “Eyes on me, darlin’. Eyes on me,” he says, voice frayed. You pry your eyes back open and hold his gaze, your own heavily lidded. “Good, s’good. Y’close now, ain’t’cha, sweetie?”
You nod fervently, moans bubbling up instead of words, your sweet features twisted in the exquisite agony that comes just before climax. You roll your palms against his shoulders, fingers digging into the thick fabric of his coat. He wishes he could feel the bite of your nails on his bare skin, wishes it were his cock sinking into you, but all that wistfulness is erased the second you cry out, your back arching, your cunt squeezing his fingers as you’re pitched forward into the throes of release.
Cooper grits his teeth, baring them like an animal as he fucks you through the tremors, grabbing hold of your jaw to keep you from collapsing, to keep your eyes on him. You slide your hands up and cup either side of his face, yanking him into a messy kiss. He falls into it easily, slowing the thrust of his fingers as the aftershocks of your orgasm settle until his hand is still against you, fingers pressed in deep, savoring the feel of you.
You kiss him leisurely with tongue, teeth and barely sated hunger. Your bliss slows you, and Cooper is content to simply feel. Even the lingering ache of his own need is a welcome sensation in a world he so often walks through feeling numb.
After a time, he slides his fingers from your pants, wiping them absently on his own before wrapping his arms around you. You sink into him in turn, nuzzling into the crook of his neck. The sun has almost disappeared completely, and the chill of night is beginning to nip the air. All of this carnage will attract predators soon, but he finds himself unable to rush the matter. His embrace tightens.
“I love you,” you murmur.
There was a time long before his heart became an open grave that he would have been eager to return the sentiment, but hearing those three little words turns his tongue to lead. They flood him with memories of an era where love came naturally–the way only violence does now–and shooting a man in the head was the most abhorrent act he could fathom for himself.
These days, a headshot is a kindness.
His stomach is tight, a bile-like burn creeping up his throat. He screws his eyes shut, swallowing it back. To his relief, you aren’t tense with anticipation. Instead, you pepper butterfly light kisses along the scarred column of his throat, paying special attention to the nicks and scars along the way to his jaw.
You kiss him. He takes your face in his hands and deepens it, pushing into you until your back arches. 
“I’ll keep you safe,” he whispers against your lips, the words both a promise and a prayer. Not to God–He gave up on God a long time ago–this prayer is for you. It’s what he knows. It’s what he is. No matter the monster that threatens you, you’ll always have one of your own to bite back. You’ll always have him.
Strained, quieter yet, he says, “I swear.”
Or so help me, I’ll swallow the bullet myself.
“I know,” you say, thumbs brushing over his cheeks. There’s a blissful kind of sorrow in your expression, but so too is there understanding. He kisses you, closing his eyes against the dry burn of them. He’s not sure he’s even capable of tears anymore. He’s been worn down to the bone by sandstorms and bloodshed. Nothing goes untouched by the misery of the Wastes. No one goes through it unscathed.
What he does know is that he will do everything in his power to see that you’re never broken by it.
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diejager · 1 month
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This is omegaverse related so please here me out… What about something different? What about…
A
Feral Omega?
I’m talking like, this omega isn’t your typical omega. This omega is downright dangerous, reports of Omega going feral but causes of harm to them due to some omega discrimination.
So what if, reader who is feral omega, is down right butchering enemies. And doesn’t hesitate to almost maul some alpha recruits if they want to mess with her..
Cw: omegaverse, feral!reader, violence, blood, weird pack dynamic, discrimination, protective behaviour, tell me if I missed any.
You were a ‘one-of-a-kind’ omega —spoken with utmost reverence by them. You were their strong and independent omega, whispered in crowded halls, mumbled in darkest nights, screamed in busy moments, and kissed to in warm and comfortable beds. You were anything but a strong and dedicated and reliable soldier, someone Ghost had grown to respect after a joint Op, then coaxed to rely on by the others when they saw how welcoming Ghost was and simply how skillful you were at your job. 
You were small but spry, less bulky but flexible, weaker but resourceful. You were everything they sought for in an omega. You were so much alike Soap, yet molecularly different. Though it was every alpha’s dream of finding a soft and loving mate to provide and protect for, someone smaller and more fragile than their thick muscles and broad build, there was a thrill in being reminded that they weren’t always at the top, being grounded and brought back down from their high horses. Against all of traditional mating couples, your current age and time had demanded more equal partnering, a relationship where both parties stood on the same ground. 
And Ghost and Price thrived on that, their employment demanded a level of independence from their mates and pack mates, the capability of standing on their own and manage grief and stress. That’s where Soap stood, an omega at it’s finest, strong and independent and emotionally knowledgeable, the glue to their pack, and Gaz, the stabiliser, the soft and gentle hand that reminded them of who they were. 
Then you came bulldozing through their well-built dynamic: feral and wrathful, full of hate and anger for the world who had wronged you. When the military had rejected you for both your sex and gender, you’d worked up the ranks in the CIA with your blood, sweat and tears, starting from a fresh agent - a rookie - to an experienced one. You’d gotten so far that Laswell had eventually reach out to you, acknowledged by someone so powerful and partnered with The Ghost had gotten you the acknowledgment and respect you’d dreamed of. 
It was a rough start with Ghost, but he learned to rely on you as much as you did him, you had formed a mutual understanding that only grew into fondness after meeting the rest of his pack. They were a functioning mix of weird and quirky: a leading alpha that was a big, soft bear, another alpha that was rough on the edge but caring, an overenergetic and fiery omega and a beta that represented everything you liked in one, calm, open-minded and smart. It was odd seeing you join them so often and continuously on Ops that didn’t need much of CIA intervention, but you all made it work.
You’d become a familiar face on base, a blunt and no-nonsense agent to new people, but cracked jokes and smiled with those you knew. Fiercely protective of your pack as much as they were with you. If Soap was a menace, then you were an omen, your deep frown and growling snarl, baring your teeth as a warning before you attacked. The world had taught you to bark and bite —and bite you did, a strong and dangerous one, leaving you bruised and roughed up, but your opponent gasping for life and battered.
Honestly, sometimes you were more trouble than it’s worth, but wouldn’t have it any other way.
Taglist: @sae1kie @yeoldedumbslut @bvxygriimes @distracteddragoness @konigsblog @im-making-an-effort @daisychainsinknots @h0n3y-l3m0n05 @danielle143 @tuttifuckinfruttifriday @notspiders @brokenpieces-72 @petwifed @randominstake @haven-1307 @shironasumi @sparky--bunny @bloobewy @cod-z @sweetnanah @aldis-nuts @evolutionarry @kaoyamamegami @cassiecasluciluce
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luimagines · 1 month
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Doggo request 2: Isekai Reader who had brought their BIG boy dog? Like the ones that are almost as big as bears. I forgot the breed name.
Your wish is my command. Let's make it a Tiberian Mastiff. :D
Masterlist
Content under the cut!
"Ok, Hudson. Easy boy." You gently held the leash of the behemoth you called your baby.
The dog was the runt of the litter, but ended up growing into one of the biggest dogs on the planet. That's what you tell yourself anyway. In your heart and in his, he is just a little guy who wants hugs and kisses and for someone to throw the ball.
"it's going to kill us." The one you were told to call 'The Traveler' all but threw himself backwards when you brought your dog close to them.
Granted, most people tend to get a bit nervous when your dog steps onto the scene, but that's generally because he's huge, not because they're actually afraid of him. Still, you suppose you should have seen this coming.
"No, he's not. He's a sweetheart. Come pet him."
"No thank you."
"I'll do it!" The Rancher stepped forward with a bright smile on his face. You admired his instant bravery. It was a nice change of pace. He walked right up to the two of you, seemingly knowing his way around the creature.
Hudson sniffed his hand and his pants, letting the young man scratch his mane and his muzzle. You knew the procedure by now. It was impressive that Hudson hadn't barked yet. Maybe he was sniffing the fur pelt the man was wearing.
"He's a gorgeous creature. What did you say he was again?"
"He's a Tiberian Mastif, bred to hunt and guard against bears." You say proudly. Husdon had proved to be invaluable where you lived. He took his guarding duty very seriously and hadn't let you down since.
"I'm sorry, bears?" The boy with massive facial scarring seemed to light at the idea. "He's that strong?"
"I mean... I don't have bears where I live but he certainly scares off the coyotes and wolves."
"Wolves?" The youngest asks, hesitantly coming closer. He sneaks a pet onto Hudson's side.
"Someone better keep an eye on Wolfie then." The oldest with the scar over his eye, looks out into the distance.
"Wolfie?" You ask in question.
"A local wolf that seems to follow us where ever we go." The boy with pink hair speaks up. You really need to remember their names better. Didn't his start with an L? "Your dog wouldn't attack him, would he?"
"Oh, he might." You frown. "That would be a problem."
"I doubt it." The Rancher shrugs. "The wolf knows his way around. I'm sure he can take care of himself."
"Ok, well I don't want a wolf attacking my dog either." You put your hands on your hips. "That's a fight tot the death. Hudson won't give up easily."
"Wolfie knows better." The shortest- The Blacksmith, you remind yourself- tells you with another shrug of his shoulders. "Besides, you have all of us with you. We'll get between the two of them should anything happen."
You doubt that. This kid is small enough to ride your dog like a horse. "I wouldn't recommend it but I'll keep that in mind."
He seems to read your mind for a split second because he bites his lip as if he's thought of something that could get him trouble. "...Do you think he'll let me ride him?"
"Not a chance."
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elliesmainhoe · 4 months
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Hey there vivi, I think your work is cool <33 Wanted to ask what you thought of Ellie and girlfriend having IVF with both their genetics/eggs so they both have a biological child together. Know it’s not possible yet but im thinking about a Ellie with biological kid. Tmi but im ovulating so this is what im thinking ab rn. Not asking you to do a little blurb if you don’t want to, but wanted to know if you like the idea of Ellie and her kidd, ngl i think is interesting and adorable. Much love!
omg I fucking love this idea!!!! she would be so silly , I wrote some headcanons for this so hope you like it!!!!
ELLIE WILLIAMS HEADCANONS: YOU HAVE A BABY WITH HER (biologically)
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okay let's say- distant future, lesbians can now have biological babies (yay technology!)
when you tell her that your pregnant girlie is gobsmacked, even though you two were actively trying. (aka raw dogging every night)
goes through a crisis, buys baby books, pregnancy books, looks into a ton of birth and labour options
shes prepared for everything, goes to Joel to find advice about taking care of a pregnant woman and what to do with a newborn
GRANDPA JOEL????
stop that would be the most adorable shit ever, him sitting on his porch, yours and Ellie's babe on his chest, giving you two a break
stopppp 😭😭😭😭
anyways getting off topic-
she's literally so much more a doting loser than she usually is (which is a feat in itself)
gets you all your cravings, chocolate? done. pickles? done. chocolate AND pickles together? fuck it she'll try some too.
loves decorating the nursery in your house
PAINTS A DINOSAUR AND/OR SPACE MURAL IN THE ROOM???
the nerd indoctrination is already happening.
her and Joel make loads of custom furniture, adjustable crib, rocking/nursing chair, changing station.
the nursery ends up looking so cute, with loads of earthy tones and greens but also an array of rainbow toys.
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OMG THEY MAKE YOUR BABY A ROCKING HORSE??
shed be so supportive during labour
whatever birth method you choose shes so supportive, makes you a little emergency bag just in case you go into labour
loves skin to skin
after the birth, you're exhausted of course, so you're sleeping and she's alone with a newborn baby???
honestly thinks that the baby looks a little funky
when babies come out they're squished, red and all silly looking
they're cute of course!!! but Ellie is still hoping your babe grows out of the squished tomato, potato phase?
skin to skin is her favorite thing
having the baby laid on her chest is genuinely the sweetest thing ever
she 100% cries when your baby grows out of their first onesie
she's so sentimental, keeps everything your kid does or has
old dummies (pacifiers if you're American), baby toys that the kid doesn't play with anymore, the umbilical cord? it's in a ziplock bag somewhere.
wears the baby in those baby back pack things (I can't remember the name LMAO)
when the baby starts teething she's always making jokes about how you've given birth to a feral baby.
jokingly scolds the baby when they start biting when you breastfeed them
dresses the kid up in the funnies outfits
the baby's dresser is basically a fancy dress box by now. dinosaur costumes, teddy bear costumes, pirate costume?
literally everything
---------------
I now have baby fever. kms.
not proofread
she's the best mum especially with a newborn
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leth-writes · 1 month
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hotd x oblivious reader
I’m thinking about a reader who’s kinda oblivious. They aren’t super aware of everything going on around them, they’re just confused as to why no one is getting along.
You’re really close with both team black and green, to the point that they’re fighting over you, but you’re not even aware of the actual conflict; you just think it’s petty interpersonal drama.
They’re over in the corner threatening each other with dragons and swords and you’re just… hanging out with Helaena, looking at butterflies and asking to pet her dragon.
the second you express interest in the dragons, there’s practically a line; you’re the most nervous with Daemon and Aemond’s dragons, for obvious reasons given their reputation, but Luke has a pretty small dragon so you grow closer to him through that. Rather than the size of the castle, Arrax is about the size of a particularly large horse, or maybe a big bear. More manageable when you know they can’t swallow you in one bite.
This drives a wedge further between Aemond and Luke, with Aemond outright glaring every time he so much as catches a glimpse at Luke. Not only did he take his eye, now he’s taking a bonding opportunity out from under her?! He’s pissed and challenges him to a duel. You still think it’s all fun and games, and you’re cheering for both of them, and they’re both trying to fucking kill each other, it’s pretty intense.
no matter who wins, you’re ecstatic, and you hug them both and kiss them both on the cheek. The blush that blooms on their faces and the almost goofy smiles that stretch across their cheeks are perhaps the only thing they’ve had in common in years.
Aemond totally uses his injury to ingratiate himself with you. It makes you feel bad for him, and while he doesn’t normally want pity, he’s fine using it to his advantage. Once Luke is out of the way, he reckons, he’ll be able to reveal his true self slowly over time.
Daemon’s also pretty likely to get into physical fights, though he sues his silver tongue to make you blush just as often. He really is quite sly, and he’s the only one to outright proposition you. He’ll get Jace to take you out for a night in the town, slowly working their way to the brothels, trying to sully your reputation just far enough that you’ll have to marry him. It worked for Daemon, after all, and he just wants you connected to him. He’s fully aware that he’s not going to be able to live without you. Having you tied to Jace is just the perfect way to keep you close.
Rhaenyra is also taking advantage of your oblivious and gullible nature. She definitely tries to take advantage of the fact that you aren’t able to catch on to her true intentions. She’s convinced you to cuddle with her by telling you she’s too cold, and that Daemon’s too busy, and you felt so bad for her you were totally willing.
She’s more straightforward, pushing Jace to try to court you. He’s fighting off any of your various suitors, and anyone who is trying to take advantage of your obliviousness to secure a connection to the family.
You’re targeted by people from all over, mainly because of your close bonds to the various members of the nobility. Everyone has to work together to keep you safe when it’s announced you’re willing to court some random lord. You think you’re in love, they need to convince you otherwise.
Daemon immediately gets to work sullying the reputation of that lord. Then, he murders them. He’s not above paying a prostitute to seduce them in a place where you catch the two of them in the act, ravaging your heart.
Aemond and Jace both try to step into that void. Aemond, who takes a slightly more subtle approach, asking you to ride on Vhagar, fails; Jace, under the advice of Rhaenyra, takes a more direct approach and is able to begin dating you.
Alicent practically loses it, seeing her child so defiled by Rhaenyra’s child. She’s trying to convince you to marry Aemond or Aegon instead. Aegon shows up naked in your room; you can’t miss that clue, after all. It doesn’t work, you’re convinced he just mistook your room for his. Your rooms look nothing alike, but Aegon’s too charmed to even mention it.
Finally, Otto steps in to prevent Alicent from snapping and attacking someone. He’s not willing to let his precious grandchild fall into the hands of one of Rhaenyra’s bastards, after all.
Viserys is informed, even on his deathbed, that you should be married to Aemond. It’s to secure the familial line, after all, and your children will surely be strong and loved, the perfect combination.
So, he announces that you will be married to Aemond, breaking your relationship to Jace. Jace is heartbroken, Rhaenyra and Daemon are ready to burn the castle to the ground.
Thus begins the fight of the century.
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senorboombastic · 9 months
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This One Song… PREDECEASED on SCENE PAROLE
Tell you what – we love hearing from artists when things go right. We equally love hearing from artists when things go dreadfully wrong. A song that was a piece of piss, written in 20 minutes? Or years in the making and a bastard to write? Whether it’s a song that came together through great duress or one that was smashed out in a short amount of time, we’re getting the lowdown from some of our…
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reidsworld · 1 month
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Scars of Time | Masterlist
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Summary: For decades, Logan and you have been each other’s sanctuary in a world that never offers peace. From a fateful encounter in a dive bar to a life together at the X-Mansion, your bond has weathered countless trials. But as Logan’s once-impenetrable healing powers begin to fail and your own abilities start to drain you, the stakes grow perilously high. With your love on the line and survival in question, can you both endure the ultimate test of sacrifice and devotion? Or will the scars of time finally come to bite you in the ass? Based on this request. Ongoing.
Pairing: Logan Howlett x Fem!Mutant!Reader
Series Content Warning: Canon-typical violence, alcohol use, arguing, use of Y/N. More warnings will be added as the story progresses. There will be individual warnings at the beginning of each chapter.
Total Word Count: 11.3k
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Ch. 1, "Gimme Shelter" 2029
Ch. 2, "Wild Horses" 1997
↳ Sneak Peak
Ch. 3, “(Don't Fear) The Reaper” 2000
↳ Sneak Peak
Ch. 4, "Stand By Me" 2029 + 2018
Ch. 5. "House of the Rising Sun" 2029
Ch. 6, "A Whiter Shade of Pale" 2010 +2011
Ch. 7, "The Matador" 2029
Ch. 8, "Vienna" 2034
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Mars speaks... If you are interested in this and would like to be tagged, let me know! Also please note that this masterlist is subject to change as the series continues to develop! The timeline for all x-men movies is FUBAR so bear with me, I'm gonna have to change some things along the way! This story is set post-dofp timeline so everyone is alive except I’m making it so that Logan remembers what happens in this timeline instead of the other one so kind of completely ignoring dofp…
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eyesxxyou · 3 months
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❝ sweet lips ❞ (rough hands pt.2)
。゚・ ¡ content. rival bands hobie x FTM!reader, conflicting emotions, a lot of sexual tension, light exhibition, lots of kissing, humping, pussyjob, accidental penetration, save a horse ride a cowboy, no orgasm (womp womp). you and Hobie agree, nothing can happen between you two, feelings would make things too complicated. but when you go further than expected, you find that you two like each other far more than you realize.
wc: 3.7k
↳ pt.1 / pt.2 / pt.3
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“They make me sick.” Your guitarist grumbled under her breath as you and The Mutts lounge on a mangy, beat-up couch backstage of a shared venue. You all watch, glaring at the Mary Janes as they pass by. They don't spare their own glowering gazes at your Mutts, like two packs of dogs growling and snapping at each other where territories meet.
You catch the leader of the Mary Janes’ gaze. His eyes flicker at you and yours narrow with a biting hatred you've always had. Hobie Brown curls his lip up at you and turns away as his band rounds the corner to make their way to a separate lounging area backstage. Your own secret language, two birds and their indecipherable mating rituals.
It’s easy to pretend you still hate each other, between quick glances and lingering touches. A charade of band rivalry made to keep up the act for your respective bandmates. They’d never understand the way you always find him before or after performing and let him touch you in ways that would bring shame to the lot of them.
“Why Hobie Brown?” They'd say. “He’s the worst.” “I thought you hated him.” “He’s a fucking dickhead.” All of which are true. He is the worst. You do hate him. And he’s the biggest dickhead on this planet and the next. An arrogant, cocky, insufferable asshole with lips that taste like mint and beer and fingers that reach places inside you that you never even knew existed.
“There’s that battle of the bands competition coming up.” Your drummer chuckled snidely. “Wouldn't it be great to show them up? Fuckin’ posers.”
You got up from the couch, murmuring something about going to find a bathroom in this labyrinth of a venue. Your bandmates didn't question it, telling you to hurry back as you guys would be performing soon. You waved them off. “Yeah yeah, lemme go piss in peace.”
Your boots thudded against the old rickety floors of the venue, your eyes shooting from side to side looking to see if anyone would bear witness to your sin. Hobie told you to meet him just beyond the dressing rooms after he was done performing. He always needed a way to let off some of that built up adrenaline afterwards and you needed to rid yourself of your anxieties. It was a mutually beneficial relationship.
It was simple really. No strings attached, not emotions, no sappy, meaningless feelings to get in the way. And most importantly, no actual intercourse. It was too messy, too intimate, it meant too many things. Because if this all went to shit, it would be easy to transition back into hating each other without missing the way each other's body felt on the inside.
Hobie was hiding from you, lingering in a dark corner, while you looked aimlessly for his lanky figure. For a moment you wondered if he stood you up and was all together ready to write him off as the asshole you always believed him to be and go back to your bandmates.
You turned your back to him and he stepped out of hiding to grab you by the waist, turning you around to press his lips to yours and back you against a wall. You didn't kiss him back, instead you punched him in the shoulder and pushed his face away. “Asshole!” You tried not to be too loud. “I hate you.”
Hobie’s lips curled up into a grin as he snickered. “If ya hated me ya wouldn't be ova here, would’ja?” He laughed as you pushed against him again, forcing him to release you as he stumbled back. “Fine, I won't be here then.” You wouldn't entertain his jokes, if he wouldn't help with your stage jitters then you didn't need to be here in the first place.
But as you expected, as you wanted, Hobie took you hand and pulled you back to him. “Hey, hey, hey, I was jus’ messin’ ‘round. Stop bein’ such a prissy, stuck up bitch, eh.” He trapped you in his arms again, your back against the wall, bodies flush against each other with just your clothes to keep you apart. His pants were tight, you could feel his bulge against your tummy. A useless appendage, never to feel the gummy insides of your cunt.
You turned away from him. “Fuck you.” You grunt. His hand snaked up your front, feeling up your chest and your throat before grabbing your chin and forcing you to look at him. “You wish, don’cha?” He chuckled, leaning in to kiss you once more. You don't resist this time.
Your kisses are feverish, urgent. You'd never call them passionate. Passionate is for lovers, for people who care about each other beyond the fling you two have going on. Your kisses demand each other's full, undivided attention. It asks, always, “will we go there today?” The answer is always “no”.
No fucking, nothing too intimate.
But your kiss is deep, his lips are sweet, and his hands are swiftly unbuckling your belt to get into your pants. He knows you want his fingers, long and skillful and pretty, readied with the intimate knowledge of what makes you tick, what makes you shudder and roll your hips into his palm, what makes you curse his name while kissing him all the same.
You’re panting breaths into each other's mouths, the essence of your beings on each other’s tongues. Your mind grows dizzy with the taste of him, delightful and tangy. You want to savor him on your tongue between your sloppy kisses.
“Hobie,” you sighed into his mouth as his hand snuck beyond the waistline of your pants and dove into your underwear to touch you where you ached most for him. And just as his fingers began to rub between your wet folds, you heard someone call out for Hobie.
Quickly, you two retreated from one another in fear of being caught in such a compromising position. Hobie snatched his hands from you and you swiftly began to make yourself decent once again. You glanced at each other, knowing this was not done. You'd have to come to his boat later in the night when you were both away from your bandmates. It was the only semblance of privacy you two had.
Without a word, you two went your opposite ways with the mutual understanding that you’d come to his boat later and happily sit on his fingers and drag orgasm after orgasm out of your pants up body.
But you couldn't help but glance over your shoulder at his retreating frame, only to find he was looking at you already, walking backwards. When he noticed he was caught, he raised his hand as if to concede he had been found out and smiled, winking at you.
You rolled your eyes at his and turned back around, only to nip at your bottom lip which where the taste of him still lingered like a ghost.
You performed with a hazy mind and wet between the legs, every motion reminding you of how you had been left needy and desperate. You hated feeling desperate. The sweat lingering on your forehead, the way your lips kiss the mic as you had kissed him, pushing yourself against the stand like it was his body. You needed him, bad.
You went to his boat that night with a single thing on your mind. Cumming until you forgot your name. Hobie was keenly skilled at that, teased you relentlessly for it when your dazed gaze comes back into focus and you look as though you don't know where you are.
Hobie was on the deck of his houseboat when you arrived, strumbing at chords on his guitar while scribbling down on the notepad beside him. He had left the plank down so that you could board on your own. He was keenly aware of your presence as soon as you arrived, only pretending that he wasn’t to ensure he didn’t seem too eager to see you.
You came up behind him, squatting down to look over his shoulder at his lyric book. “Writing lyrics about me?” You teased. Hobie snapped his book closed before you could any good grasp on his indecipherable handwriting. He looked back at you, a bit nervous but playing it off well. “Tryna steal ma ideas, now? ‘Specially wit’ tha’ battle of the bands comin’ up.”
Little did you know, he was writing about you. The chords he strummed on his stickered guitar were taken from the sheet music of his heart. He’s been trying to fight it, the feelings he had for you. You both agreed there would be none of your sticky, bloody heartstrings exposed for one another. And he was determined to keep it. It made everything much, much easier.
You pushed his head lightly and stood up, looking down upon him with a rather unimpressed expression. “I wouldn’t want your lyrics if you wrote the next “God Save the Queen”. I’ve got my own stuff. We’re gonna put you in the ground.” You really hadn’t come to talk about your competition.
Hobie stood up to a height that made you stagger. He was shirtless. His lean body on display for you to admire. He was close to you, so close you could smell his musky body wash and a faded whiff of his cologne. He smiled at you and reached to tap your chin. So pretty you could have dropped dead right then and there, your breath stolen away from you, your heart beating loudly in your ears.
Sometimes you wished Hobie wasn’t so nice to look at. It would make things a whole lot easier for you.
“Le’s go inside, yeah?” Hobie nudged you, grabbing his guitar and his lyric book and walking through the door he had left open that led into his home, a place you have learned to know all too well. You followed him inside and immediately made yourself comfortable. You kicked off your boots by the door and made your way over to his bed.
This was all just formalities. Going through the motions of your usual niceties of snide remarks and biting laughter at the other’s expense. The ‘hello, how are you’s before you two get down to the gritty stuff. You learned to enjoy this moment. The suspense of “when” made it all the nicer when one of you would eventually have enough of it and walk over to kiss the other.
You sat on his bed, messily made in some haphazard attempt to make it seem like he had a morning routine outside of walk up and go out on the deck for a cig to clear his head of the dreams he’s been having of you. He’d dig the heels of his palms into his eyes and groan at the thought of you lingering behind his eyes.
Hobie wasn’t sure if he’d be comforted with the fact that you’ve been having dreams of him too. Touching you, kissing you, pushing into you with his lips mouthing words of praise against your neck. You’d wake up flustered, face hot with the idea, heart palpitating in your chest. You’d be a little meaner to him that day just to balance out the way the thought of him made you feel things that you were forced to call “want”.
You watched Hobie as he put his guitar back on its stand and tossed his lyric book down on a small couch he had to the side. His pants hung low on his hips, the dimples kissing his low back are something you’ve never noticed before. You wanted to press your fingers there, kiss them even. You shut the idea down before you even had the chance to linger on it.
Hobie went into his fridge and pulled out two beers. He used one to pop the other open and then did the same with the other, the beer frothing in their bottles as he came and handed one to you.
“You think I want your shitty beer?” You took it anyway. Hobie stood over you, taking a swing of it all while keeping his eyes trained on you. With a sigh, he said, “No, I think ya want my tongue on yer cunt but I figured ya wasn' gonna ou’ ‘n say tha’ much.”
Blood rushes to your cheeks. You hated that he made you get so flustered. You hated his crudeness. You hated that he leaned down and held your chin so gently and kissed you with his mint and beer stained lips and you so blissfully let him. He’s sweet to the senses, sweet on your tongue as you press yours to his.
Then he pulled away, a string of saliva connecting you, panting. “Drink.” He guides your hand to press the rim of your bottle to your lips. You do drink, you hope that at the bottom you might find your will to leave before things get too heated. You know you won't. You’re too addicted to the way he moves, his rough hands and sweet lips.
You drink the whole bottle and he does the same and after you two kiss again. Hobie takes your bottle from you and sets both of them down on the floor beside his bed. Doing this, he parts your lips once more. And you cry a little. “Just fucking kiss me, you asshole.”
“Aww,” He poked at you. “Needy aren’cha?”
You grab him by the shoulders, pull him in, and kiss him viciously, like you’re trying to eat him whole. Consume him and make him one with your body. Hobie chuckled at this, his smile wide against your lips as he rubbed soft circles into the plush of your thighs. Your tongues find each other in the mess of teeth, lips, and piercings. Noses mashing against the other as you press your faces into each other. You desire to melt into him. He wants to mold your body with his hands.
“We should try somethin’ different t’day.” Hobie purred against your tongue that licked at the seam of his lips so thoughtfully asked permission. He let you in, let you explore every tantalizing crevice of his tender mouth. You hummed mindlessly, still kissing. “What’s that?”
Hobie snickered softly at his idea and broke your kiss into a string of thin saliva that held you two together. It broke apart when Hobie leaned back and lied flat on his bed. You you were still on top of him, his pulsing cock before you, aching with a few small jumps. It was a pretty thing for sure, with veins like the stems of flowers and a tip that was slightly bigger than the rest of the shaft. It curved slightly and for some reason you liked it. It never did anything for you. You never allowed it to enter your body.
Hobie pulled your hips forward until you were sitting on top of it, leaking pussy pressing down on the warm length of his dick. Immediately, you pulled away. “Hobie, we said–”
“Jus’ calm down, luv. We’re no’ goin’ there. I’s jus’ a lil’ humpin’.” Hobie assured you, pulling you back down to sit on top of him. His fingers rubbed your thighs and hips in a comforting manner. ”Come on, we’re both grown men. We can ‘ave some self control.” You settled down. You assured yourself nothing more would happen. Hobie seemed confident of the same. 
With permission, Hobie tightened his hold on your hips and began to guide your movements. His length was trapped between your pussy lips which rubbed him up and down while your clit caught on his tip. You both let out fluttering moans, occasionally looking at each other but mostly focusing on the pussyjob you were giving him.
“I hate you.” You muttered between soft moans, your hips rutting on their own now. You watched Hobie smirk and let a deep chuckle pass his succulent, kiss-swollen lips. “Ya say i’ so much I almos’ tink ya like me.”
Oh, how right he was. You had barely even known it yourself, the way you overcompensated for the way you long to be near him by telling him constantly how thoroughly you despise him. You were startled by how accurately he read you. You hated being an open book.
You snarled at him, pressing your hips down harder, rocking your hips faster. “Fuck you.”
Hobie let out a shaky sigh. His cock leaked out pre into his hairy navel. “So close, baby.” Your pussy was dripping on him, the sticky wetness between your legs making your path along the tail of his cock slippery. You were playing a dangerous game and you both adored it beyond reason.
Hobie looked up as you rolled your head back, exposing the chaste flesh on your throat. He admired you, your broad shoulders, your pretty waist, the crescent scars along the underside of your chest. His hand caresses your thighs, up your hips and your sides. Your skin was soft and supple under his rough touch, God, to be like this was like having Heaven in his hold.
You were so eager, so zealous, so daring with your movements. Neither of you noticed how far you had gone forwards, further than normal. You felt his wet tip against your entrance and before you could stop your momentum, you rocked back into it and let him plunge himself into your love.
Immediately, both of your eyes snapped to each other and you paused. He was inside of you, raw. Never before had you trekked into this territory, too fearful of what it may mean. But you were here now, his cock snuggled nicely between your walls that you involuntarily massaging him.
You stared at each other for a long time. Your gazes melting from fear to something far, far more terrifying. Without a word, you two agreed. You’d do this once. Only once. And it would mean nothing. With the slightest nod, you agreed that you two wouldn't become addicted to the feeling of him stretching your entrance open and he wouldn't find himself thinking about how soft and wet you were.
You stared him in his heterochromatic eyes as you sat fully in his lap, your fingers splayed out over his chest. His hands gripped your hips as you rolled them timidly into his and let out a soft cry as the feeling of him filling you, stretching you out, molding you.
Hobie sat up. Your chests touched. Your hands settled on his shoulders to brace yourself as you sat up. This was your chance to stop this, you both know where this road leads. But instead of completely coming off of him, you came back down on his length. You both moaned something guttural past your tender lips.
Hobie felt his mind grow dizzy with the feeling of your soft, wet walls gripping him like a vice, and addiction he just can’t shake. For a moment, he thought that your rough exterior — your crude cursing and biting hatred — was all an act to hide the fact that you were so tender and beautiful on the inside.
You found a steady rhythm. Each plunge of his length into you dragging out moans from you both. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him close with your eyes closed. You couldn't bear to look at him. You knew that if you looked at him, looking him in his pretty eyes, he might snatch your soul from you and never return it.
Hobie terrified you. Every moment you spent in his presence was a moment that you found yourself enjoying despite all your grunts and groans at his expense. You liked him and that horrified you. Now you were here, taking the best dick you’ve ever gotten in your life. His dulcet moans echoing in your ears as his hands pull you ever closer.
His tip kissed your cervix with each bounce and your back arched into him at the feeling. Your chest were rubbing, your bodies moving and melding together. It was intimate, too intimate for your liking.
You were about to tell him you hated him again, to crush this feeling you had blooming within the bloody, stringy workings of your heart, but as you opened your eyes to do so, you found that Hobie was already looking at you, his eyes rather soft for comfort.
You couldn't. You couldn't do this. Your heart was beating too fast, your pupils were dilating, you could feel an orgasm quickly approaching. You couldn't do this. It was too much too fast. Too many feelings all at once that you were sure you weren't ready to handle.
You got up swiftly, so fast you almost toppled over. You were quick to start collecting your clothes and slipping them back on. “I– I can't do this.”
“You ‘ave feelin’ fo’ me ‘n yer too scared t’admit i'.” Hobie bit at you, watching you pull on a shirt that wasn't yours in your haste to leave. You shook your head, fingers trembling, the ache of him still pulsing between your legs. “No, no, shut up! You don't know anything about me!” Your voice quivered. You couldn't bear to bring your eyes to look at him because you know if you did you’d crumble. You had to leave. 
Hobie didn't bother to convince you to stay. If you were set in leaving, who was he to stop you? Maybe he wasn't ready to confront his feelings either. You were two sides of the same coin, neither ready to handle these soft emotions you’ve grown callous to.
You left into the night without looking back at him and he slammed the door behind you on your way out, tears swelling in your eyes as you let out a sob and kicked the door. “Fuck you, Hobie! I hope you rot in hell!”
“I'll meet ya there, arsehole!” He sneered back through the door. Weeks of your tumultuous affair gone down the drain all in one fell swoop.
Your heartstrings torn as you bleed all over each other.
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larriescompass · 2 months
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ways to dispel gay rumors, according to louis tomlinson and harry styles:
1. write a love song, and include the place where you and your enemy lived together.
2. constantly walk away from your at the time girlfriend of nine years.
3. struggle to hold hands with and kiss your at the time girlfriend of several years.
4. repeatedly say ‘no’ when asked if you and your girlfriend are engaged.
5. but do say, ‘it’s confidential, but we’re already engaged,’ when asked when you are gonna propose to your best mate.
6. say you have a crush on your best mate, and that you’ve discussed it and say that it’s mutual.
7. when asked if the rumor is true, smile fondly and say yes.
8. when your best mate is talking about finding someone they would want to date, cough really obviously and loudly.
9. choose to play a song on your tour, where the first word has major involvement with the rumor.
10. when asked about the rumor, turn into a horse.
11. deny the rumor while emphasizing the word ‘obviously’ and MAKE SURE to be very sarcastic.
12. dress up rainbow bears on stage that represent gay artists.
13. dress up said rainbow bears in wedding outfits on stage with a picture positioned in front of it of a man named larry, while signing the photo with the words “love, larry.”
14. when you see something involving the rumor, give it a thumbs up!
15. get matching tattoos.
16. go to amsterdam with your wonderful girlfriend at the time, then come back and write a song where the first line is, “i went to amsterdam without you,”
17. having to adjust your pants because your best mate’s shirt popped open.
18. when your “mate” asks to give you a blowjob, respond with “i’d love it, if you’d just wait.”
19. when asked about your favorite traits in a female, say “not that important” about the person being a female.
20. look depressed whenever someone mentions your child.
21. cover a song where the main objective of the song is to be the girl just so you could be with the guy.
22. get a tattoo that you know people will link to the person involving the rumor.
23. dress up as queer idols for halloween.
24. go to gay bars.
25. bring your girlfriends to gay bars.
26. cook a meal for your girlfriend even though you didn’t even know her when you cooked it, and she was vegan at that time.
27. make a dopey fonding face while you’re staring at your best mate.
28. sexually tease each other on stage.
29. while your best mate is hyping himself up and says while referring to himself, “that’s just sex on legs,” agree and say, “yeah it is,” while giving him love eyes.
30. at your solo concert, point to a replica of the rainbow bear in the crowd that you and your best mate dressed up on stage.
31. change the lyrics of your song from “i love it” to “i love him.”
32. you must wear a vintage umbro t shirt that is very rare, and make sure to have your best mate show up wearing the same vintage rare umbro shirt just a few months later.
33. go completely MIA while your best mate has his off season, and pop back up in public when he goes back on tour.
34. host your own festival and have an artist with a song named “you’re not harry styles” perform during it.
35. consistently use colored lights that are heavily associated with the rumor during your concerts.
36. use art of your “totally platonic” friend’s tattoo for the spotify background of one of your songs.
37. do a photoshoot with clothes from a gay clothing brand that dates back to the fifties.
38. go to the same euros game and make sure to be seen in the same room together.
39. bite your best mate’s back after you deny the gay rumors.
40. look at your best mate and sing “i’m in love with lou, and all his little things” in a totally normal and platonic way.
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mercy-misrule · 3 months
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I know the Australia stereotype about dangerous animals but it's so funny that we...just don't have them.
We don't have bears and wolves and tigers and elk and any of those big deadly motherfuckers.
Our largest carnivore is a dingo, who is a medium sized dog.
Yeah we have sharks but they just don't get that many people! 27 shark deaths from 2001-2017
In the same time period, 2001-2017 we had 172 deaths from fuckin horses, 82 from bovines and 53 from dogs (not dingoes).
These are all non native animals.
In that same time we had 37 kangaroo deaths. And I don't know how much of that statistic is people dying in car crashes from hitting a kangaroo.
We average around 1-2 snake bite deaths a year. The most venomous snake in the world has zero recorded deaths in history cos it's a just a scared little guy
I saw a post about how 'its crazy to raise cattle in Australia', and yes it is! They destroy our environment! Cattle pastures have fucked us ecologically, by soil erosion alone.
And then it said 'because everything wants to eat them there'
And it's like...bro. the most dangerous thing in the wild is feral cats because they are causing our small mammal and bird populations to go extinct.
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diejager · 6 months
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Hello, i see that you're now taking requests, if i may ask, could you continued your human reader x hybrid COD men, please? I dont have any specific idea about the lore, i just want to see more of their interactions. If you're not mind or bussy of course, regardless, thank you!
Only Human pt.4
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Pairing: Monster TF141 + Horangi & König x reader
Cw: wound/injury, fussing, overprotective behaviour, sneaking out, drinking, hangover, tell me if I missed any. Wc: 2,9k Note: I wrote this on and off so some parts might not make any sense… just uh.. sorry in advance. And I’m sorry for taking so long!!
Only Human masterlist
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You were ashamed to admit it, but you liked their attention, the fussing and careful scurrying around you. You liked having them put their best into caring for you, big hands gentle and small hands meticulous for you, every aspect that made them so big and dangerous mellowed down to the danger of a small pup, harmless and adorable —they clung to you like bright-eyed and lost pups anyway, especially Soap, tapping into his inner wolf and acting as one more often than he did as a man when you got soft and cuddly. They were careful around you when you were wounded, you were human while they were hybrids with strength rivaling an army. You were slightly bothered that you couldn’t treat yourself, having a fellow medic patch you up with skilful and steady hands. 
You shot her a pained smile, bordering on a wince, and she laughed, her whole body wracked with laughter when you told her your supposed embarrassing story about how you got shot by sheer chance from people who didn’t even know how to hold a gun correctly. She was like an older sister to you, more experienced and face wrinkled from exhaustion and stress, long nights in the infirmary did little for the complexion. She talked you through the process despite you adamantly swearing that you knew it by heart from reciting it over and over for the men you worked with (she knew, but who was she to look a gift horse in the mouth when the occasion to tease her younger coworker?).
König sat you through all the hissing and teeth grinding you did, biting your lip until it bled to stop yourself from making too much sound, it graced König with little whimpers and groans that he wished were from another occasion. He held your hand, feeling your smaller one wrapped around his palm, fingers slipping between his and your dull nails sink into his knuckles, the skin dried and cracked from his lack of care. And when you started grumbling lowly about knowing how to care for the few stitches she gave you and making sure you didn’t get an infection or pull them, but she pushed on, ignoring both your annoyed grumbling and König’s amusement. 
When she was done, you were free to leave when the drip emptied it’s saline into your body, a little boost or recharge depending on how you looked at it until you showered and went to bed. Saline might help tide the nausea and confusion, but without true rest, you wouldn’t heal properly. You gave it half an hour or so until it stopped, giving you ample time to relax into König’s broad figure, his body moulding to fit yours. You slumped into his chest, back melting into the warm arms that wrapped a round your, careful about the needle and your freshly-wrapped thigh. He was warm and tender, a hand smoothing circles on your good thigh, coaxing you to close your eyes in exhaustion and pain. Your body burned despite the numbness and heaviness in your limbs, your nerves fried by the lingering effect of adrenaline, hungover from it and a throbbing wound.
Perhaps it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to rest your eyes a bit, seeing that König had no intention of moving from his spot as your big, big teddy bear. Afterwards, you’d get something to eat after a relaxing and cleansing shower, it was well deserved at this point. You wondered if Horangi or Rudy cooked you something, they’ve always had such a meticulous hand in cooking, your rumbling stomach agreed with your thoughts, mouth almost salivating at the though of food. 
“We’ll get you something to eat after, ja?” You felt his shoulders shaken with quiet laughter, hearing your stomach growl embarrassingly loudly for a room without any audience.
“I’d like that.”
Price gave you the next few days off, letting you spend your hours of rest doing whatever you liked, be it read, laze around or sleep. You couldn’t do too many physical activities without affecting your wound, too much pressure or movement could aggravate it, break your stitches and force you into a longer down time when you could get fixed up faster and get back in action much faster if you didn’t play with it. 
You used your first day following whoever you stumbled into first, limping your way around the base until you found them running drills, once through an obstacle course with it’s walls, car tires, mud-covered crawls, the ropes and the many poles they had to scale or slide. It was a separate course built for hybrids, who’s bodies were more resilient that any of their parents, built for battle and triumph, but it was placed away from the others, the instilled fear of hybrids still so present in modern days. Despite being human, you liked training with them, passing the same course they did, you did so in need of being thought trustworthy, reliable and strong. 
And since you sat out on the drill, they got competitive, snarling and growling at one another, teeth snapping and butting heads in a show of strength. It reminded you of bucks showing off their broadness, the strength and power they had over other bucks —competitors to breed. You couldn’t help but laugh at the sheer hilarity of seeing them hiss and snap at each other without touching or sabotaging, like little puppies fighting for one toy, which you figured would be you at the end of this squabble. 
You couldn’t remember who bested the rest, but it was amusing to watch them run through the obstacle twice, sweating, panting and gasping, knowing full well that there were other things to do after this course. You limped along them, Gaz’sarm wrapped around your waist on the way to the shooting range where you’d - once more - watch them train their aiming and work out the kinks of a new rifle. He sat you against the wall and left you to the others while he got his rifle from the armoury, asking for a second pair of earmuffs to cover your ears. 
You watched on in amusement as they scramble to best the others, testing the new rifle they were given. The knock back on the weapon was worlds stronger than the usual one, but the shot was proportional to it, stronger and packing more power that dented the cement behind it with each blow. It was a powerful gun that would be used by hybrids and monsters operators like TF141 and KorTac, used as powerful breaching weapons or in higher case scenarios. To balance the strength of it, the sound was as loud as an explosion, a booming sound that rang in your ear despite the plugs that sat protectively over your ears. Fortunately, this session lasted much shorter than the prior one and you were left to do whatever you wanted while they did their weights.
Every day was a repetitive cycle, watching them train and doing something to spend your time. On the first day, you spent the time resting, body lagging behind the others and sloppily limping around the base with your eyes drooping on occasions and your body heavy with exhaustion. You figured that you’d watch any show on the rec room’s flat screen, mindlessly watching scene fly by without absorbing it in and hoping you’d fall asleep after a while. And you did, your lids closing when you felt something heavy cover you and warm bodies wrapped around you in a strong and comforting hold.
When König went to search for you, he found you cuddling up with Ghost and Alejandro, their bigger bodies slumped into you to cover you in their warmth. Alejandro had his arm over your shoulder, wrapping around Ghost’s back, and Ghost gripped his waist, arm slipping under you to touch Alejandro, one man pulling the other closer to squeeze you between them. It looked so cozy that König was almost jealous that he couldn’t join in, but he wouldn’t wake you up from your slumber, the dark bags beneath your eyes screaming your exhaustion. 
You had more energy the next day after spending many hours sleeping and catching up on it. You were practically on your toes the moment König knocked on your door, here to pick you up before breakfast. He stared at your wide smile and jovial expression, slightly confused about your unending mirth. While he wanted to stay with you, he had to leave you under Gaz and Rudy’s care, hoping that the two could help you spend that accumulated energy. 
There weren’t many things you could do with a limp, anything labourous or physically draining was impossible wihtouthurting your leg. That left them watching you play around with Rudy’s cadejos after you begged so prettily, flashing him an adorable pout and big, doe eyes until he caved. You were rolling on the carpeted floor, laughing and cackling at the dogs, fingers carding through the white cadejo’s mane, scratching the sensitive spot behind his floppy ears. You switched between the black and white dogs, giving them an equal amount of affection, making kissing faces and ridiculous sounds that had Gaz and Rudy chuckling softly, smiles bright on their lips. 
König was glad to see you less animated, resting your head on Gaz’s lap, nuzzling against his warm hand, nosing the calloused crease of his palm, and your feet crossed over Rudy, toes occasionally curling when his fingers skimmed over a sensitive patch of skin. You grumbled in your sleep, falling in and out of consciousness, lashes fluttering until they settled, arms swung around Rudy’s cadejos like you would with plushies, but with big and dangerous monsters. König thanked them for watching you, eyes softly admiring the trio before him, petting the dogs’ perked up heads, running over their ears and ruffling their fur. When he went to pick you up, you let out the smallest whine, unhappy about being moved from your comfortable spot between everyone. 
The next two days were spent cuddling in a restless pile of wolf and tiger, stuck between two attention seeking shifters, Soap loudly whining and demanding attention, his tongue lolled out and panting loudly, unlike Horangi’s calm and subtle way of getting your affection, rubbing his body against yours and wrapping his tail around your forearm. It was a push and pull, one bark here and one hiss there, two big bodies pushing and backing up around you while they rubbed heads and pawed at your good leg. König and you got a good laugh out of it before he had to leave, his desk calling his name and the mounting load of paperwork needing his signature. 
You eventually found yourself unable to move, limbs locked between those of striped and brown paws, their tensing and flexing arms, thick cords of sinewy muscle locked together in a mess they called a cuddle pile. Pulled from whatever you could have done and stuck in a warm and soft pile that shook and shuddered, Horangi’s soft purring and Soap’s low growls coaxing you to sleep. Eyes closing under the gentle vibration and watchful gaze, you dozed off without, blissfully unaware of two big, blinking pair of eyes that glared at anyone who made too much noise (poor Rudy got the scare of his life) when they wanted to get a drink or a quick snack from the room.
You woke up on someone’s back, slumped shoulders moving in a slow trot, furred paws choking out every step to your room with a Tiger beside you and König right behind you, his blue eyes squinted gleefully. It was all you could see of the smile that certainly curled the corners of his lips beautifully, a tender curl of scarred and jagged tissue to show his affection. You snuggled further into the mass of warm bodies, slept comfortably under caring and protective gazes that kept you safe - safer - that night.
Finally, seemingly missing the guiding presence of your captain, you had cheekily convoluted a day to sit in Price’s room with König’s help, leading you with a hand on your lower back after you insisted on walking. You were adamant that you could walk, frustrated and bored out of your mind that you couldn’t even walk around the base when all that you felt was a harsh pinch, stretch and ache of the stitched wound, the skin around it swollen and tender, and a bit of numbness in both your legs from the lack of use, being swiped off your feet and carried around for days. You limped your way into Price’s office, wearing a grin so wide it almost hurt before you thanked König with a hug, wrapping your arms around his and struggling to the couch pushed against the wall, all under Price’s arched brow and inquisitive gleam. 
“Company for the old man,” was all you’d given him, trying your luck with the grouchy captain that was often glued to his desk signing papers and pushing plans through.
While he made calls here and there, you helped read through the many reports he received from this base and the others working alongside him for the international ground, summarising them in shorter and informative pieces, a quick read of a few dozens of pages down to one or two. While working all day, you both managed to shrink the pile to half it’s original size, leaving him things only he had jurisdiction to sign and write up and you the more trivial affairs. König helped you around the base to supper, a solid arm for you to lean on when your thigh pained you too much to keep going, hissing under your breath at the stinging pain. He fussed about it, quick to pick you up and rush you to the infirmary to have it check despite it being mild and dry, stitch still intact and swelling smaller. 
Then you got sick of it, tired even, of all the fussing and overprotective behaviour. The constant looming over your shoulder, the fretting tone when they spoke to you and the constant strain on their face to not frown or wince at your grunts and hisses, it all annoyed you to the point of exhaustion. You felt as if the tables were turned, where you used to chase after them, med kit clipped to your hip and reminding them of their weekly checkups with you, you were now on the receiving end, stuck limping away from eight big and very worried hybrids. 
It almost made you feel bad for being so insistent as their medic, but they had this horrid habit of hiding away to lick their wounds despite the need of sutures or cleaning, seemingly gaslighting themselves about the severity of it. You took it better, letting them pamper and spoil you until the end of the third week: being picked up rather than walking, being fed rather than eating and being entertained rather than left alone. You were always - always - under watch in case you —what? Reopened the now closed wound? Ripped yourself a new hole when the skin had nearly closed completely? 
It was sore and sensitive, it was neither bleeding nor gaping. While you understood their concerns - as the medic of the TF- you hated the ceaseless surveillance. You’d ranted about it with your nurses, other medics that stayed on base and worked under you as aids and spare hands, and they listened feverishly whenever you were left alone, trusted by the hybrids who were acquainted by the many visits to keep you company on their own times. 
And their solution to your plight? To sneak you off base and into the familiar pub you spent your days. The girls helped you move around without your crutch, all huddled around the back of the pub with drinks and fries, chatting and laughing loudly in your drunken haze. The first round went down as easily as the second and third one, jumping from one subject to the other, random quips here and funny remarks there. You were a chatty crowd, and it didn’t help that most of you were drunk, already having your fifth or sixth beer, stumbling around and slurring your words. 
Their quickly made escape hadn’t lasted long though, perhaps an hour or two before any of the men started worrying and launched a search for you; and eventually, they did. They found you fumbling with your stuttered words, lids heavy as you stared back at Price’s exasperated frown. He sighed and mumbled lowly, the crowd around you parting as he moved in, his hands pulling you against him to leave. His hands were warm, soft despite the coarseness of his pads, lulling you to twist and turn against his chest, arms wrapping around the corded muscles of his back and nuzzled the ashy scent that lingered under his jaw with a sleepy groan.
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You swore and damned the world. The lights were too bright, every sound too loud and your body too sluggish to do anything but slump against the soft couch of the TF’s rec room, stomach down and face buried between your arms. Someone was laughing - two or three voices - at your spitting words, hungover from last night and mind feeling heavy. Price was berating your for your reckless act, mindful of the loudness of his voice, keeping it low and quiet, nearly a whisper to your clogged ears. 
“Never doing that again,” you groaned, eyes squinted to keep any light out of your pulsing eyes, “Fuck.”
Price sighed. You somewhat regretted sneaking off, the guilt adding pain to your headache for worrying them so much.
“Sorry, Cap. I’ll just- ask next time.”
“If there’s a next time.”
He was angry.
“Yes, sir.”
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irisintheafterglow · 9 months
Text
don't even know, i'm talkin' nonsense
summary: on his way back from a patrol shift, your boss gets hit with a mystery quirk that affects his speech. you're the only one in the office who can help him (pro!bakugo x you).
wc: 2k
cw/tags: swearing cuz bakugo's here and he's angry, miscommunication-based comedy, idiot(s) in love, coworkers to lovers, a little bit of angst/comfort but it's just for the plot yk
note: i'm not sure where the concept of this came from; i was just listening to sabrina carpenter and was like,,,, hey i can use this. so have this! hope you like it :))
likes, reblogs, and replies are appreciated <3
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“Okay, go over it one more time for me. I think I’ve got it,” you reassure him, only to be met with a skeptical glare. “I’m serious; I think I understand it, even though it took forever.” You tap the whiteboard of the meeting room with the red marker in your hand, slightly tired from scribbling down as much as you could comprehend from your boss’ vague gestures. He exhales deeply, dragging a hand down his face, and gives you an impatient look. “Ready when you are."
“Fucking hell, I can’t believe this is happening to me.”
“I didn’t understand a word of what you just said,” you remind him and he shoots you a withering glare that doesn’t deter you in the slightest. “And don’t try to write it, since that clearly didn’t work.” You glance at the scribbled mess of letters scratched onto a yellow notepad of paper, Bakugo’s first attempt to communicate that something was off when speech was not working.
“I fucking know that! You don’t think I can’t remember that you have no idea what I’m fucking saying?” You blink at him, desperately biting your tongue to avoid bursting out laughing. Even though Bakugo had been hit with a quirk that was creating some very entertaining moments in an otherwise bland office job, he could still make his palms crackle dangerously in warning. “Remind me to fire you when I get out of this.” You can’t control your laughter that time and you let a snort slip from your throat, wincing when his scathing eyes stare menacingly into you. 
“Sorry, I am so sorry,” you laugh quietly, attempting to subtly wipe a tear from your eye. “It’s just that…that time it was a dolphin.” You scrunch your face to avoid laughing again and try so hard that it makes your stomach hurt. Your boss continues to stand there, absolutely mortified, while you add another animal to the list of sounds that have come out of his mouth. Since he re-entered the office after a seemingly normal patrol shift, the noises of a bear, horse, mouse, tiger, monkey, a bird you couldn’t identify, and now a dolphin had exited his mouth in place of his scratchy voice. You thought it was a sneeze, the first time the bear roar had echoed through the office, but were equally perplexed when you asked him to sign a form and the only answer you received was high-pitched squeaking. 
“There’s no fucking way,” he’d muttered under his breath when you first explained to him what you thought was happening. It became all too real as his face paled when you played what your phone recorded as his “voice,” which only came out as the insistent hoots of a monkey. He was used to receiving weird looks on the street, especially when civilians realized that they were walking next to one of the top Pros in the country, but it dawned on him that they may have not heard his usual voice when he barked at them to move. “And you’re the only one in the office right now?” 
“I have no idea what you’re saying,” you inform him carefully. “But, if you’re wondering if anyone else is here to help you, there’s not.” You can only imagine what kind of colorful expletives he yelled by the unrelenting scream of bird noises that left his mouth. “And I was about to leave, so if you want me to stay and help–” 
“I don’t need your fucking help.”
“Oh, great. You’re a horse now,” you deadpan, understanding from his facial expressions alone what he was trying to communicate. “Well, if you don’t need my help, have fun explaining to the guys why you sound like you swallowed a zoo.” Your boss’ face turns bright red at the idea of showing up to dinner with his old classmates in his current state. He fires off a single, precise shot at the rubber door stop before you can exit the meeting room, effectively locking you in there with him until you sort out how to fix him. “So, you do want my help?” You turn to look at him with a knowingly innocent smirk, delighted to find him seething in place but reluctantly nodding. “What’s the magic word?” A single horse neigh echoes through the meeting room and you head to the whiteboard. “Alright, let’s get to work.”
You spent the next hour and a half playing a ridiculous game of charades with Bakugo after the alarming discovery that anything he tried to write would become illegible scribbles. You figured that it was just an effect of the Quirk itself, which seemed to give the user the ability to communicate with different animals without being understood by humans. If an eavesdropper managed to figure out what they were saying, the words would become unreadable on the page for further secrecy. Despite inconveniencing your boss and preventing you from leaving the office on time, it did serve as an important tool in the Quirk-stealing weapons trade you’d been investigating. The only issue now was to figure out where Bakugo was hit. 
“So, you’re walking down 25th.” A nod. “And make a right on Pine?” His palm hits his forehead in frustration. “No, no, not right. A left, towards 24th.” Another nod. “And that-that alley, by the coffee shop with the good strawberry milk teas?” More aggressive nodding. “That’s where you got hit? With the dart?” He slams his hand on the desk, nodding furiously. You stare at him, slightly in disbelief as you pull out a rolling chair and slump into it. “How the hell did you get pulled into that alley?” 
“Someone was screaming for help and I’m a hero so I go help them, I don’t fucking know.”
“Dolphin again,” you smirk and he rolls his eyes. “But, really. You don’t ever go that route since it’s too out of the way from where your patrol ends. What were you doing on that side of town?” He pauses, his mouth drawn into a tight line and his eyebrows drawn as he searches for an explanation in his brain. Truth be told, he had no idea what possessed him to take that route back to the office. All he could recall were snapshots, little Polaroids of information that, if he pieced them together, made a relatively cohesive explanation. He’d snapped at you unfairly, a common snap of his temper, but the hurt on your face affected him more than he was willing to admit. Something bothered him about your tense expression and it continued to bother him when he was out of the office and kicking villains into the dirt. It seemed like instinct was the only reason why he headed in the direction of the cafe with the strawberry milk he knew you liked. “Well?”  
He blinks at you once, twice, and then stands abruptly and swings open the door. You watch him through the room’s tall windows as he enters his private office briefly and exits with a cardboard drink holder. A minute later, a plastic cup with the taut seal unbroken is unceremoniously set in front of you, along with a large straw to suck up the extra strawberry bits he knew you always ordered. 
“What is this?”
“What does it look like, idiot?”
“I know it looks like a drink, but why did you get it for me?” His eyes widen with the idea that you could understand him again, but you’re quick to shut him down. “And no, I can’t understand you yet. Right now, you’re a tiger.” You half expect him to launch the other drink, something brown sugar looking, at the wall; instead, he pulls out the chair next to you and stabs his straw into the plastic, gesturing for you to do the same. You obey hesitantly, eyeing him curiously as he avoids your questioning expression. “Thank you.” He huffs, something you’ve learned is the only response he gives to gratitude. “You really didn’t need to do this.”
“I hurt your fucking feelings, of course I needed to.” You’re staring at him again, you and your pretty eyes and kind smile and uncanny ability to withstand even his most fiery temper tantrums. He’d discovered his feelings for you months ago and it was like a speed bump was put in front of him every time you were near, always making him trip or say something stupid. Bakugo was never known to be good with his words or his feelings, but you made him feel so warm inside that he’d be a fool to deny what it was. “I guess it’s good that you can’t understand me right now because I can vent about how stupid you make me feel.” You hum, a fond glint catching in your eye. 
“That’s a new one. You’re a chicken right now.” You laugh and he can feel his forehead get airy, like he’d chugged three sojus. What he felt was sweeter, though, without the bitter taste that always followed alcohol. To him, you were pure light. 
“Makes sense, ‘cause I’m too much of a dumbass to tell you how much I care about you. Fuckin’ idiot.” 
“You sure have a lot to say, boss. Go on and let me pretend I’m on a poultry farm.” You take another sip of your drink and close your eyes, appreciating his unexpected gift. “A much needed vacation, in my opinion.”
“There you go again with your stupid sarcasm and your stupid laugh. You’re insufferable, you know that? Always making me run around in circles because I don’t know what I’m fucking doing around you.” You raise your eyebrows melodramatically and nod at him slowly, still having no idea what he’s trying to communicate. “You’re lucky you’re pretty because if you were anyone else, I’d fucking deck them right now.” Your attention shoots to him but gives no indication that you comprehended what he just said, so he goes on. “I wanna take you out to dinner sometime, but I think I’m a little too proud to admit how much I like you. Fucking hell, you don’t know what you do to me.” 
“Hey, boss?”
“The fuck do you want?”
“The Quirk wore off,” you breathe, in complete shock from what he just unknowingly confessed to you. You’d be less surprised if he’d told you that he murdered his way up to the top three. “You started speaking normally when you said,” you pause to try to slow your racing pulse in your ears, “that I was pretty.” You sneak a look at him out of the corner of your eye to find him bright red and mirroring your wide-eyed expression. “I guess the effects wore off pretty fast?” 
“Yep,” he forces out. “Must have.”
“You really think I’m pretty?”
“It’s why I got you the fucking drink, stupid,” he mumbles, still examining the shiny wood of the table. “Didn’t want you to be sad.” An idea pops into your head and you shrug, leaning nonchalantly back into your chair. You can feel his eyes watching you, reading your body language.
“I know something that would make me less sad.” 
“Oh, yeah? What’s that?” You shrug and let the corner of your mouth turn up, brushing a stray blonde hair from his face. You didn’t think it was possible to turn such a deep shade of pink and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t amused by how miserable he looked. 
“Take me out to dinner,” you reply, chuckling at the way his nostrils flare. “Repeat all the stuff you said while you were speaking zookeeper. Beside the love confession, of course. I understood that pretty well.” 
“God, you’re ridiculous,” he mutters, grabbing your hand and dragging you out of the office. “Next time I get you that strawberry milk, you’ll be there with me. Then we’ll both have that stupid quirk.” 
“Mmm, great. We can both tell each other how much we like each other while speaking dolphin.”
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