Tumgik
#Beast boy is going to bite Dick after the competition
fridayfirefly · 3 years
Text
Fairest of the Fair
Read Fairest of the Fair on AO3
Masterlist
Written for Maribat March Day 9 - Teen Titans
"We've got five hours until the fair closes. That's five hours of funnel cake, Ferris wheels, and rigged carnival games," announced Dick as they stepped out of the car in the parking lot of the Jump City Fair. It was a tradition for the Teen Titan team to visit the fair every year. At first, it had been an effort to humanize them to the citizens of Jump City, to show that they were more than just superheroes. Now, the reason that the team went every year was simply that it was fun.
"I can't wait to try everything." Marinette had been looking forward to the Jump City Fair all summer. It was her very first American fair, and Gar had promised that he would show her around, giving her the full fair experience.
"C'mon, I smell funnel cake." Gar grabbed Marinette's hand as they ran through the crowds.
Marinette laughed. "I was coming with you, you don't need to pull me along."
Gar let go of her hand and pouted. "We need to get there faster. Just think of all the funnel cake we're missing out on while we're standing around talking."
"We can still hurry. I just don't want to run into anyone." Marinette giggled as she followed Gar through the crowd. He wove in between the crowds of people like an expert, scampering right through the chaos of the fair crowds without disturbing a single person. Marinette found it a little more difficult - she was much less nimble than Gar, but every time she fell behind he waited for her to catch up.
"I followed the smell of funnel cake right to its source and here we are." Gar stopped in front of a food stand proclaiming itself to be All-American Funnel Cake. "This is the best cuisine America has to offer."
"Of course. Everyone knows that the greatest American delicacies are carnival food. Who needs gourmet crêpes and macaroons when you can have funnel cake and corn dogs?" joked Marinette.
"Exactly. I'll order our food, you find us a seat."
Marinette strolled through the seating area, trying to find a bench that wasn't covered in syrup and melted ice cream. When she finally found a suitably clean chair, she collapsed into it. She was already sweating from the hot August sun beating down on her, and she couldn't wait to get her hands on something to drink.
"I got the funnel cake and lemonade," said Gar as he set them down on the table.
Marinette grabbed the cup of lemonade and took a long sip of it, savoring the chill. "It's so hot out here. How do you stand it?"
Gar shrugged. "It's all part of the fair experience. It's miserably hot in the day, but it still manages to get uncomfortably chilly once the sun goes down. That's why I brought a jacket."
Marinette shook her head. "If I were wearing a jacket right now, I would probably pass out from heatstroke. Your ability to withstand extreme heat must be one of your superpowers if you aren't even sweating."
"Stop talking about me and start talking about funnel cake," Gar whinged. "You came all the way to America just to try some."
Marinette laughed. "I came all the way to America to join the Teen Titans. The funnel cake is just a bonus." Taking a generous bite of the carnival food, Marinette proclaimed, "I like it."
"Yes!" Gar cheered. He pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and marked something down. "Step one: have Marinette try funnel cake. Complete."
"You have a list?"
"Your first-ever fair is an important occasion. I want to make sure you didn't miss out on anything."
Marinette smiled. "That's sweet of you. So what are we doing after this."
"After this, we play the rigged carnival games. Then we ride one of the many spinning rides. Then we'll get roasted cinnamon almonds. Then we check out some of the art competitions. Last but not least, we ride the Ferris wheel as the sun sets. Then we meet up at the car with the rest of the Titans to watch the fireworks and go home after."
"That all sounds like fun to me." Marinette finished her lemonade and funnel cake, then turned to Gar. "Ready to go lose at some carnival game?"
"I was born ready." Garfield grabbed Marinette's hand and led her to the carnival game. There was a hoop toss game, a game where you popped water balloons using oversized darts, a game of knocking down coke bottles with baseballs, something vaguely resembling ski-ball.
"Which one should I pick?" asked Marinette.
"They're all varying degrees of impossible, so just pick the game with the best prizes."
Marinette scanned the rows of colorful stuffed animals until she saw the one she wanted, on a shelf beside the ski-ball tracks. "I want the green kitten," she exclaimed, pointing.
"Why?" Gar sounded amused by her enthusiasm.
"It reminds me of you," Marinette admitted.
Gar smiled. "Okay, I'll help you win. We'll win it together."
Ski-ball was harder than Marinette remembered. After twenty minutes and twenty dollars, she and Gar still hadn't managed to get all ten ski-balls into their respective holes.
"Face it, Gar, we just aren't good enough to win."
Gar shook his head. "I'm not leaving until I win you that kitten. One more set of ski-balls." He handed a five-dollar bill to the game attendant. "Do you want the first ball?"
"Sure, but this is the last time we play. I'm not letting you spend all of our food money on this ridiculously impossible game." Marinette grabbed the first four balls off of the counter and gently rolled each one of them up into the first hole, and Gar successfully rolled the next four balls - the first eight were easy. It was the ninth and tenth ball that they failed on. "I'll take nine." Marinette brought her arm back, then swung it forward and released the ninth fall. It landed perfectly into the ninth hole. "It's all on you, Gar."
He narrowed his eyes, plucking the ball off of the counter. This was the closest they had gotten to winning. He swung the ball forward, tracking the arc with his eyes until it... landed right in the final hole.
"You did it!" Marinette cheered, grabbing Gar's hand and lifting it up in the air. "Winner!"
"Here's your green cat." The game attendant handed the stuffed toy to Marinette, who clutched it against her chest.
"I love it! I'm naming him Milo and keeping him forever."
"Alright, now that you've won your first rigged carnival game, you and Milo need to pick out one of the many rides here to try it." Gar pulled a map of the fairground out of his pocket and started pointing out rides. "I recommend the Merry-Go-Round, the Tilt-A-Whirl, and the Paratrooper."
"Which one is closest?"
"The Tilt-A-Whirl is just to the left and around the corner."
Marinette grabbed Gar's hand and pulled him along. "Let's go!"
Together they ran through crowds of people, darting around people and out of the way to avoid bumping into anyone. They made it to the Tilt-A-While and rode until Marinette got so dizzy she couldn't walk in a straight line and Gar laughed so hard his face turned red. Then Gar and Marinette made their way to the Merry-Go-Round, where they rode it a couple of times. Then they met up with Dick and Kori and got more carnival snacks with their friends.
"Say cheese!" instructed Marinette as she paused to take a picture of her friends for the official Teen Titans Instagram account.
Kori grinned and pulled Dick closer to her. Gar reached for the camera in Marinette's hands. "Turn the camera around and make it a selfie."
Marinette did as instructed, moving her own head in front of the camera and grinning as she took the picture. She quickly typed a caption. Enjoying cinnamon glazed almonds (Beast Boy's favorite) and butterbeer at the fair. Hope everyone's having a great day in Jump City! "And... post!"
Marinette sat down to enjoy the snacks, Gar slipping his hand into Marinette's. "Try the cinnamon almonds first, they're delicious."
"They'd better be," teased Marinette. "You've been hyping them up all week."
"I could write poems about these almonds, they're so good. And I know I could probably get them any day of the year, but I only ever get them when we go to the fair so that they never lose their appeal."
Marinette popped a handful in her mouth and hummed in appreciation. "Oh, these are good. I'm going to have to get a recipe for these, so I can make homemade cinnamon almonds."
Gar's eyes lit up. "Homemade cinnamon almonds. That might be the best combination of words I've ever heard in my life."
Marinette playfully narrowed her eyes. "What about 'I love you.'"
Gar's eyes widened. "Um, third-best combination then. Right after when you told me, 'I love you', and when I told you, 'I love you.'"
"Good save. The execution could use some work though. I give it an eight out of ten," joked Dick.
"I'll be generous, and give it an eight point five," added Kori.
"Hey, only I get to tease him," protested Marinette as she gazed at Gar lovingly. "Now feed me more almonds."
Marinette ate another serving of almonds and drank two glasses of butterbeer before Dick and Kori decided to separate from them and find the trapeze tent. Gar got his list back out, checked off the activities they had already completed, and announced, "Now it's time for more rides. Paratroopers, here we come!"
Just a few minutes later, Marinette was pressed against Gar's side as their cart swung through the air. "This is nice," said Marinette. "The Jump City Fair gets the Ladybug stamp of approval."
"Just wait until you see the fireworks. The grand finale is amazing. You'll love it," promised Gar.
"I bet I will." Marinette rested her head on Gar's shoulder as she watched the world spin around them.
When they got off the ride, Marinette and Gar walked hand-in-hand to the art competition tents, where paintings were hanging all around the tents.
"Look at this one!" Gar pointed to a painting of the Teen Titans in action, fighting the H.I.V.E. Five in the streets of downtown Jump City. "This one has my vote!" Gar called out.
"Shush," said Marinette with a laugh. "You're biased."
"Nope. No bias here. Just pointing out what is objectively the best painting he's ever seen."
"Oh really. If you're such an impartial judge, tell me why it's objectively the best painting."
"Because you're in it, Buginette." Gar grinned at her, pointing at Ladybug in the picture, fighting Jinx with her yoyo.
Marinette laughed. "You're so cheesy."
"To be fair, you did walk right into that one," Gar defended himself as they left the art tent. "If you're going to leave yourself vulnerable to compliments, I'm going to take that opportunity to compliment you."
"Oh, look at the sunset!" exclaimed Marinette as she saw the yellow, pink, and orange sky.
Gar slipped his hand into Marinette's. "It doesn't hold a candle to you."
Marinette got onto her tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "You're too sweet. Now let's go ride that Ferris wheel."
Gar and Marinette walked to the Ferris wheel hand in hand, getting into a car and riding it all the way to the top, where they could see the sunset reflecting off of the ocean.
"You were right, it does get cold," said Marinette with a shiver.
"Here, take mine." Gar took off his jean jacket, laying it across Marinette's shoulders.
Marinette smiled. "How about we split the coat while we're up here. We'll just have to squeeze together." Marinette pressed herself up against Gar, moving the jacket so that it draped over both of their shoulders. Sighing softly, Marinette watched Gar with a smile on her face.
"What are you thinking about?" asked Gar.
"I just don't want to forget this moment."
"I can fix that." Gar pulled his phone out of his pocket, started a video, and turned his camera around so they were both in frame. "How are you feeling, Buginette?"
Marinette kissed his cheek, then smiled for the camera. "Perfect."
"Jump City Fair is a success." Gar ended the video as the Ferris wheel started up again, moving them back down to the ground.
"Every day with you is a success."
The fireworks started as they walked back to the car, bright and colorful. Marinette slid her hand into Gar's gently rubbing circles with her thumb. She knew that he used to be scared of fireworks - still was, a little bit - as a result of his animal tendency. Gar flinched back as the boom of fireworks sounded above him.
"Focus on my voice," said Marinette. "I love you. I love you more than all the stars in the sky. I love you more than all the drops of water in the ocean. I love you forever."
Gar wrapped his arms around Marinette. "I know. I love you too."
@maribatmarch-2k21
100 notes · View notes
absoluteindulgence · 4 years
Text
How the Boys Give/Recieve
A/N: GOOD EVENING/GOODNIGHT Y'ALL IT'S 3AM WHERE I AM LOL. TAGS: @royaltywritesstuff, @burnedbyshoto, @ikinabi . I HAD ANOTHER NAUGHTY HEADCANON IDEA AND WANTED TO SHARE THEM WITH YOU GUYS. THIS HC IS LONG AF, SORRY IN ADVANCE BUT ENJOY THE FOOD. THE CHARACTERS ARE AGED UP (18+). THANK YOU FOR THE SUPPORT.
☀️🌞MIRIO🌞☀️
Give:
My baby is sweet and kind! Hella, eager to eat you like his last meal!
Will tell you to pee before and after sex (because he cares).
After you come out of the bathroom, there are towels for your body and pillows for your head. (He's always prepared).
He gets cocky when you get comfortable on the bed, telling you, “You’re gonna need the pillows big time.” You don’t even bother asking why, but your imagination roams. 
When he lays you down, he grazes your legs lightly. It’s therapeutic but also makes your senses aware and sensitive to his touch. Mirio is a little impatient to taste you, so he won't tease you longer than 30 seconds.
This dude will literally whisper "ITADAKIMASU" to your pussy. You're going to melt.
“Hey Sunshine, I’m sorry I lied to you. Remember how I told you I love to eat Ramen, it turns out that’s my second love. My first is you.”
Melt, reform, then EXPLODE.
His kisses are littered all between your inner thighs, reminding you how wonderful you are. Goes on to call you his Sunshine and Sunflower.
He's hella skilled because you taught him what you liked. He always pays attention to your body. From your breathing to the way your thighs shake.
His tongue on your clit is a signature of, many swivels, sucks, and spelling "I love you."
Receive
He’s a beefy boi, so imagine what’s underneath the underwear. Change your hero name from Lemillion to LePacking, honey
He's very enthusiastic, damn near antsy all from you just touching or staring at his piece.
He calls his cock "Your Love Rod" or "Man muscle" I'M CACKLING
It's really all jokes, but if you do say it while stroking him, dick gon twitch something crazy.
He gets all shy when you’re talking to him before placing your mouth on his tip. Jokingly tell him, “Your precum is enough to put in a cup, baby.” His face is gonna be RED.
Enveloping his cock in your mouth was trouble at first, but now you gobble him up like a thick ass banana. He’s always vocal, from light moans to deep groans. Very loud at times, groaning your name, telling you, “Damn, you’re so fucking good at this.” He’s usually out of breath.
He likes to grab your hair or the back of your head and apply a little pressure. He won’t always do it, but he knows you like the contact. Mirio’s eyes will occasionally be closed as his muscles tense. 
Sometimes you'll say, “Focus on me," and as soon as your eyes meet, you suck him off like a jolly rancher. His face is stuck in surprise and lust.
Bonus: Also, sidebar because thanks to @coconutnunnicorn​ , I will add that this fool does come home one day with that funny ass elephant hammock g-string, and it makes for a weird night. You spend an hour laughing, trying to breathe air back into your body, but that goes nowhere. He makes the noise, and you fucking lose it all over again. Imagine Mirio singing the chorus to Work It by Missy Elliot. We really love this dork lmao
❄SHOUTO🔥
Give:
His hands are so skilled, whether it's to massage your back, feet, or hands. So imagine how it feels when he massages your inner thighs.
Its the most sensual feeling imaginable. Shouto takes pleasure in pleasing you since you do for him in so many ways.
He doesn't just focus on your clit because that's not the only way of pleasure (he looked it up on google and tried new methods on you)
He likes to lick your inner and outer lips (labia majora and minora) since it shocks you, sometimes you'll hear a low chuckle and die on the inside from the heat of his mouth fanning over you.
His kisses to your clit are just as passionate as if he was kissing the lips on your face. He doesn't hold back from massaging your inner thighs, either.
He loves to squeeze and kiss them might leave a couple of hickies after stimulating you.
His thick fingers are always hooked inside you, waiting for your walls to clench around him.
Your moans are chaotic cries as you whisper or shout his name. 
Receive
So you pretend like you don't know what you're doing with him at times since his size is abnormally thicc. You tease him saying he can't fit in your mouth.
Shouto is so fucking sassy, so he looks at you like, "Oh yeah? And yet you called me during your break telling me to shove it down your throat."
You giggle while rubbing your hands down his chest, taking tiny licks at his shaft. They start gentle and rise to be longer. Your tongue circles his tip and boom, you’re deepthroating him.
His eyes shoot the deepest level of lust you can fathom as you give him eye contact. A cheeky smile creeps upon his face as he praises you.
“You take me so well” headass
Suck his tip like a Capri sun, and his toes will curl, but if you swallow his whole cock, he might lose control, and his quirk goes off. How do that D*ntyne Fire and Ice taste?
😈SHINSOU👿
Give:
Ultimate tease, swear to our lord and savior, cory in the house.
He likes to overstimulate you, lightly pressing his hands into your inner thighs, repeatedly saying that you're good enough to eat. Kissing your hip bones as he leaves hickeys and love bites from your belly button to above your knees.
"All of a sudden, I think I'm a cannibal" That line is gonna make you look at him with worry until his warm tongue meets with your awaiting bundle (compliments to Lyssa lmao)
Your moans make him suck and swivel faster until you release.
Your body heaves up and down fast as you try to regain your composure.
Shinsou is the type to close your thighs on his neck or face then ask, "You think we're done, Kitten?"
He gets back to business, and in between licks on your overstimulated clit, he says, "I - don't - think - you’re - loud - enough." His finisher move to end all your orgasms is spelling your name because you’re all he thinks about.
Waking up the morning after, your voice is gone, but he's already making you tea and your favorite breakfast.
Receive:
THICKY WITH THE STIFFY UH
He listens to 69 once, and that’s how he initiates head with you almost every time.
You wanna slap the shit out of him but take it out on his cock instead. Which he likes.
His cock is long with a decent girth. Like when you slap it up with your hands or lips, usually, he bites his own lips watching you do it. His dick twitches wild when you gargle him.
He likes to see how long you can keep eye contact, especially if he’s pulling your hair. I feel like he doesn’t mind your teeth grazing his skin because it’s a testament to how big he is in your mouth.
He’s disgusting in the sense where he likes you to spit all on his dick, “Wet it up nicely, Kitten.”
💥KATSUKI���
Give:
Everything is a damn competition for this bastard. How many times can you cum? How fast will your legs shake? How many times will you pull his hair?
He pays close attention to your reactions.
He has a big mouth and knows how to use it.
So many times you'll tell him he's a shit talker and he grabs his junk saying, "And you know I can back it up. Now get on the fucking bed".
Sometimes he's rough on purpose because you react a little differently. And it's not the awkward way, but sometimes when you tell him to keep going, he goes beast mode on the pussy.
Grabbing your breasts or thighs, grunting as he eats. He licks your entire vaginal area. The first time he did it, you laughed because it tickled, but now it's become an overwhelming sensation for you.
You grab his hair with your thighs/legs tightening around his head, trying to push him away. But he grabs your thighs tighter, spreading you as wide as possible while holding them down.
You try to struggle, but he says, "Princess, I'm trying to eat. Are you going to let me?" After you nod, he says, "Then open your fucking legs, or I won't let you cum."
After you behave, he starts slow and but gradually gets faster and acts more ravenous than before.
He likes to spell out his (full) name fingers deep in you because, like I said, he fancies a challenge.
Receive:
He can be a real roughhouse at times
This asshole doesn’t care how you decide to suck him off, he’s a meaty big boi and loves threatening you with his dick.
EXAMPLE: “Bakugou, why the fuck did you delete the new episode of my favorite show.” “Because I’m tired of you fucking whining about you missing it.” “Well, how the fuck does this change what I’m going through?” “You’ll be quieter.” “Fuck you, Ratsuki” “Say it louder so that I fuck your mouth.” As you’re about to say something, he throws you DVDs of the whole fucking season. Before you can thank him, this entitled little bitch says, “You want an apology, you can suck it out the tip of my cock.”
Usually, you would get mad, but you happily oblige yanking his shit damn near from his body.
He curses you out, but you end up stroking him, a hand gripped tightly around his shaft with your mouth like a sturdy suction cup. He is surprised by your force as he adjusts while seated. He wants to hold your head down but wants to see how far you go without his help, shit-talking in the midst of it all, “Yeah, baby, I told you, you’ll be quieter.”
You roll your eyes and lick his tip gently.
Any other time he's not an asshole, you are a PRO with his THICC stick of dynamite. Sucking, Spitting, SLURPING (BECAUSE HE LOVES THE SOUNDS) HE THINKS HE'S BETTER THAN SPAGHETTI OR ANY POPSICLE YOU PUT IN YOUR MOUTH. You joke about how he's not gluten-free, and he will groan, making you laugh and making him nut.
Whether on purpose or accident, he says, "Here's your new skincare." If you know, you know.
Bonus: First, imagine your neighbors hearing this little argument, 0-100000 real quick. Second, imagine making Bakugou nut after you’ve over-stim him just because you laughed. Does that make him sensitive, or just hearing you laugh made him reach his limit? Also, I got the apology line from the artist ChuuRingo on Twitter!
🌋EIJIROU🌋
Give:
This man is so fucking gentle.
The first time he went downtown, he asked what you liked and wanted to know how you felt. The second time, did everything right/everything you wanted without asking.
Now every time after, your body is left in shakes and sweats.
He loves to leave you in a puddle.
Kiri loves to climb on top of you, kiss you all the way down to your sweetness. Breathy gasps escape your lips when his lips make contact with your neck, collarbone, the top of your breasts.
Sometimes he gets sidetracked playing with your nipples but still trails his kisses down your stomach till he reaches his right destination.
Kiri tries different techniques all the time, they all work wonders on you. He is so needy for your moans and touches. Rubs you wherever his hands will roam, his body worship coming into play.
He’s a little crazy because he loves when you squeeze his head between his thighs. Let him know you’re close to coming. There have been times where he almost passed out, he never told you. Kiri said that he would be happy to die between your legs, though. You jokingly tell him that’s manly but really apologize for having so much orgasmic strength.
Kiri loves to spell your name and his, his tongue is exceptionally fast so you can only imagine that he’s been practicing to do that with you for a long time.
Receive:
He loves to look at your lips and reminds you that you're so beautiful while giving him the good old skippity mmmmmbop
He's so cliche at times that he will tell you, "Damn, I haven't activated my quirk, yet I feel unbreakable already."
Cornball city, Mirio, and Kiri put your clown wigs back on.
He's so confident in your skills as he lays on the bed you share, spread the fuck out while you crawl in between his legs.
You tease him a little, but he's patient. He knows you're building up suspense or staring at his huge cock. Knowing that you love his size, girth, and the color of his throbber.
There are times that after he finished making you cum through oral that your orgasms lubricate your throat and relax your jaw. So it leads to super happy fun times for Mr. Red Daddy Riot.
Now you, like a challenge. Challenging how strokes, how many sucks, how many times you can lick his balls before he nuts.
His body shudders no matter where you put your tongue.
If you swallow, he goes above and beyond for you for the next six-eight sessions, or even if you seriously tap out. If you spit, he's gonna cuddle you into oblivion as you guys have a cheat day date with ice cream.
Finished 2:30AM EST 1.30.2020
578 notes · View notes
Text
Welllp These Are Books: the March 2021 Edition
Tumblr media
There aren’t even any pictures! Except in that one book where there were pictures! It was weird! This was a weird book month! Back at it again with thoughts and opinions about a whole mess of books that no one explicitly asked for, but I’ve got lots of thoughts and opinions and they only count if I share them on the internet. Seriously, someone let me go to a baseball game soon. Obligatory warning for spoilers and vaguely unhinged rants under the cut. As always, feel free to come tell me what else I should be reading at literally any time ever.
Best Book of the Month Honors Goes to This Book, Even Though They Called It Halftime at a Hockey Game. A Hockey Game!
The Dating Plan by Sara Desai
Daisy Patel is a software engineer who understands lists and logic better than bosses and boyfriends. With her life all planned out, and no interest in love, the one thing she can't give her family is the marriage they expect. Left with few options, she asks her childhood crush to be her decoy fiancé. Liam Murphy is a venture capitalist with something to prove. When he learns that his inheritance is contingent on being married, he realizes his best friend's little sister has the perfect solution to his problem. A marriage of convenience will get Daisy's matchmaking relatives off her back and fulfill the terms of his late grandfather's will. If only he hadn’t broken her tender teenage heart nine years ago… Sparks fly when Daisy and Liam go on a series of dates to legitimize their fake relationship. Too late, they realize that very little is convenient about their arrangement. History and chemistry aren't about to follow the rules of this engagement.
— Ok, it’s important to know that I really did love this book. It hit all my trope-wants. Childhood friends, incredibly stupid misunderstandings, pining, seriously God the pining, fake engagement, BANTER. It was all going great. I was occasionally swooning. They kept making out! And then! THEN. They went to a hockey game. On a date. A fake date. Cool, cool, cool. All tropes, all the time right? Not so fast, internet! Because these self-proclaimed Sharks SUPER FANS referred to intermission as “halftime was coming up.” Halftime! At a hockey game! That’s—that’s not how hockey works! If this hadn’t been “traditionally” published, I probably could have let it slide. But that was not the case. This was a “real” book with, I can only assume, real editors. All of whom saw the words halftime and hockey near each other and we’re like YEAH, PRINT THAT SHIT. I read that at nearly one in the morning and seriously considered waking Justin up to be like CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS IS IN A REAL BOOK? Anyway, it was still real cute. Everyone lived happily ever after. It made want to eat samosas.
This Book Had Pictures, It Was Weird
Clean Sweep by Ilona Andrews
On the outside, Dina Demille is the epitome of normal. She runs a quaint Victorian Bed and Breakfast in a small Texas town, owns a Shih Tzu named Beast, and is a perfect neighbor, whose biggest problem should be what to serve her guests for breakfast. But Dina is...different:  Her broom is a deadly weapon; her Inn is magic and thinks for itself. Meant to be a lodging for otherworldly visitors, the only permanent guest is a retired Galactic aristocrat who can’t leave the grounds because she’s responsible for the deaths of millions and someone might shoot her on sight. Under the circumstances, "normal" is a bit of a stretch for Dina.
And now, something with wicked claws and deepwater teeth has begun to hunt at night...Feeling responsible for her neighbors, Dina decides to get involved. Before long, she has to juggle dealing with the annoyingly attractive, ex-military, new neighbor, Sean Evans—an alpha-strain werewolf—and the equally arresting cosmic vampire soldier, Arland, while trying to keep her inn and its guests safe. But the enemy she’s facing is unlike anything she’s ever encountered before. It’s smart, vicious, and lethal, and putting herself between this creature and her neighbors might just cost her everything.
— So, Ilona Andrews is a name that keeps coming up because when I borrow a book from the library I have to go through Kindle and Amazon is like...here are some other absurd fantasy romances you’d enjoy. Also, one of her other series had been recc’ed to me. Only problem? The first book in that series is the only book in that series not available at my library. So, I was like, ok, I’ll start this one instead. It was...weird. Honestly, it felt like I’d been dropped in the middle of the story and the narrator was like, well why don’t you already know what’s going on? In theory the world building was cool. (I was not expecting alien werewolves, lemme tell you that!) But also it all felt very rushed and the end just sorta happened.
In Which I Continue to Love “Same Verse” Books & No One Else Had Sex in the Port Jeff High School Dugout. For Which I Was Grateful
Love Her or Lose Her by Tessa Bailey
Rosie and Dominic Vega are the perfect couple: high school sweethearts, best friends, madly in love. Well, they used to be anyway. Now Rosie’s lucky to get a caveman grunt from the ex-soldier every time she walks in the door. Dom is faithful and a great provider, but the man she fell in love with ten years ago is nowhere to be found. When her girlfriends encourage Rosie to demand more out of life and pursue her dream of opening a restaurant, she decides to demand more out of love, too. Three words: marriage boot camp.
Never in a million years did Rosie believe her stoic, too-manly-to-emote husband would actually agree to relationship rehab with a weed-smoking hippie. Dom talking about feelings? Sitting on pillows? Communing with nature? Learning love languages? Nope. But to her surprise, he’s all in, and it forces her to admit her own role in their cracked foundation. As they complete one ridiculous—yet surprisingly helpful—assignment after another, their remodeled relationship gets stronger than ever. Except just as they’re getting back on track, Rosie discovers Dom has a secret... and it could demolish everything.
— Listen, one of my absolutely favorite tropes that I do not think gets enough love in the world is COMMITTED LONG-LASTING RELATIONSHIPS. And, like, ok, sure the premise of this was that they were separating in that long-lasting relationship. But no one really believed that, did they? Rosie and Dominic were real cute and their banter was good and I wasn’t totally skeeved out when they literally fucked on the kitchen floor. So, I think that’s saying something. Also, also! I seriously appreciated the realism of this book because no one on Long Island would ever call Manhattan Manhattan. It’s the city. Every other borough gets a name, but Manhattan is just the city and I nearly cheered when they said that. But also, no one’s taking a cab from Port Jeff to the Meatpacking District. You know what that would cost? God.
Tools of Engagement by Tessa Bailey
Hair, makeup, clothing, decor... everything in Bethany Castle's world is organized, planned, and styled to perfection. Which is why the homes she designs for her family's real estate business are the most coveted in town. The only thing not perfect? Her track record with men. She's on a dating hiatus and after helping her friends achieve their dreams, Bethany finally has time to focus on her own: flip a house, from framework to furnishings, all by herself. Except her older brother runs the company and refuses to take her seriously.
When a television producer gets wind of the Castle sibling rivalry, they’re invited on Flip Off, a competition to see who can do the best renovation. Bethany wants bragging rights, but she needs a crew and the only member of her brother's construction team willing to jump ship is Wes Daniels, the new guy in town. His Texas drawl and handsome face got under Bethany's skin on day one, and the last thing she needs is some cocky young cowboy in her way.
As the race to renovate heats up, Wes and Bethany are forced into close quarters, trading barbs and biting banter as they remodel the ugliest house on the block. It's a labor of love, hate, and everything in between, and soon sparks are flying. But Bethany's perfectly structured life is one kiss away from going up in smoke and she knows falling for a guy like Wes would be a flipping disaster.
— It should first be noted that in the three books of this series, I could not and cannot understand why Bethany’s brother was such a monumental dick. He was just...he was a dick. His marriage was awful. How long was his wife pregnant without him knowing???? I digress. This continued to be cute, Bethany was a legit heroine as far as those rom-com things go, Wes was very Texas and that got a little over the top, but they had sex in a bed like normal people so that helped. Oh, except that one time on the construction site. Whatever, this book was cute. This whole series was cute, really, and I was a big fan of the happy little wrap-everything-up with a bow ending.
Romance That Happens In Point Two Seconds Is...Unbelievable
Too Hot to Handle by Tessa Bailey
The road trip was definitely a bad idea. Having already flambéed her culinary career beyond recognition, Rita Clarkson is now stranded in God-Knows-Where, New Mexico, with a busted-ass car and her three temperamental siblings, who she hasn't seen in years. When rescue shows up---six-feet-plus of hot, charming sex on a motorcycle---Rita's pretty certain she's gone from the frying pan right into the fire . . . Jasper Ellis has a bad boy reputation in this town, and he loathes it. The moment he sees Rita, though, Jasper knows he's about to be sorely tempted. There's something real between them. Something raw. And Jasper has only a few days to show Rita that he isn't just for tonight---he's forever.
— For as much as I loved the Port Jeff series by my new pal Tessa, this one was...oof. Too much, guys. Too much. Fucking in trucks. Fucking in back offices. The whole book lasted, like, three days. And keep in mind this is coming from someone who has written like two million words about Killian Jones, self-loathing champ 250 years running, but Jasper’s self-loathing was a little over the top. Like, let’s not objectify dudes, but also...I don’t know guys. Maybe the other books in the series are better? I was mostly just annoyed by Rita.
What the Hell Happened at the End of This Book?? Seriously, I Have No Idea
The Queen’s Assassin by Melissa de la Cruz
Caledon Holt is the kingdom's deadliest weapon. No one alive can best him in speed, strength, or brains, which is why he's the Hearthstone Guild's most dangerous member. Cal is also the Queen's Assassin, bound to her by magic and unable to leave her service until the task she's set for him is fulfilled. Shadow of the Honey Glade has been training all her life to join the Guild, hoping that one day she'll become an assassin as feared and revered as Cal. But Shadow's mother and aunts expect her to serve the crown as a lady of the Renovian Court. When a surprise attack brings Shadow and Cal together, they're forced to team up as assassin and apprentice. Even though Shadow's life belongs to the court and Cal's belongs to the queen, they cannot deny their attraction to each other. But now, with war on the horizon and true love at risk, Shadow and Cal will uncover a shocking web of lies that will change their paths forever.
—WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED AT THE END OF THIS BOOK??? I figured out the so-called twist like...two chapters in. Fine, ok, whatever. It’s YA, this is not rocket science and I was interested enough in Cale and Shadow to see how it all played out. Only it didn’t really play out! Because the whole end was just this like four chapter retcon of basically EVERYTHING ELSE THAT HAPPENED and I genuinely could not believe it was happening. It didn’t make sense?!? Like with the plot? Also, spoiler, good thing Shadow and the other king haven’t consummated their marriage yet since she and Cale totally fucked after her wedding? What is YA? Why is Amazon telling me this is a Teacher’s Pick? Why hasn’t my hold come through on the sequel yet so I know what happens next?
Low-Stakes Romance Was Real Boring and All The People Were Boring In It
The Ten Rules for Faking It by Sophie Sullivan
As birthdays go, this year’s for radio producer Everly Dean hit rock-bottom. Worse than the “tonsillectomy birthday.” Worse than the birthday her parents decided to split (the first time). But catching your boyfriend cheating on you with his assistant? Even clichés sting. But this is Everly’s year! She won’t let her anxiety hold her back. She’ll pitch her podcast idea to her boss. There’s just one problem. Her boss, Chris, is very cute. (Of course). Also, he's extremely distant (which means he hates her, right? Or is that the anxiety talking)? And, Stacey the DJ didn’t mute the mic during Everly’s rant about Simon the Snake (syn: Cheating Ex). That’s three problems. Suddenly, people are lining up to date her, Bachelorette-style, fans are voting (Reminder: never leave house again), and her interest in Chris might be a two-way street. It’s a lot for a woman who could gold medal in people-avoidance. She’s going to have to fake it ‘till she makes it to get through all of this. Perhaps she’ll make a list: The Ten Rules for Faking It. 
— I am a broken record. Shouting. From the highest hilltop. Just because you think someone is cute when you’re technically not supposed to be dating them does not mean you get to be anything less than nice around them! It’s not cute! And part two, which often goes with part one: rom com dudes have GOT to stop lying or hiding or otherwise avoiding telling people who they really are. It’s a convoluted, passably lazy way of writing and dropping a third-act bomb on the story. Don’t do it. Stop doing it. We’ve moved past the need for hidden identities. Unless he’s, like, a spy or something. Um...this was a weird book. I know Everly had anxiety and that became a PLOT POINT, patent pending, but she was also not super relatable? Which is crazy considering my very real, rather undiagnosed anxiety. Chris was boring. The whole plot, as this title suggests, was very low stakes and no one actually  seemed to remember that their jobs were ever on the line? Did Everly and Chris have a conversation before they decided they liked each other? Who can say, really.
Shipped by Angie Hockman
Between taking night classes for her MBA and her demanding day job at a cruise line, marketing manager Henley Evans barely has time for herself, let alone family, friends, or dating. But when she’s shortlisted for the promotion of her dreams, all her sacrifices finally seem worth it. The only problem? Graeme Crawford-Collins, the remote social media manager and the bane of her existence, is also up for the position. Although they’ve never met in person, their epic email battles are the stuff of office legend. Their boss tasks each of them with drafting a proposal on how to boost bookings in the Galápagos—best proposal wins the promotion. There’s just one catch: they have to go on a company cruise to the Galápagos Islands...together. But when the two meet on the ship, Henley is shocked to discover that the real Graeme is nothing like she imagined. As they explore the Islands together, she soon finds the line between loathing and liking thinner than a postcard. With her career dreams in her sights and a growing attraction to the competition, Henley begins questioning her life choices. Because what’s the point of working all the time if you never actually live?
— YOU NEED TO HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH SOMEONE TO DECIDE YOU LIKE THEM. AUTHORS REALLY REALLY NEED TO LEARN HOW TO BUILD ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS. IF THEY ONLY LIKE EACH OTHER BECAUSE THEY KISS WELL IT’S NOT A GOOD RELATIONSHIP. AND THIS IS COMING FROM ME. Back at it again with the annoying so-called heroine who was just...occasionally real mean to Graem for no reason at all? Also her name was Henley. Which is not a great reason to dislike her, but here we are.
Apparently I Read These Books Out Of Order. Who Knew?
Pride, Prejudice and Other Flavors by Sonali Dev
It is a truth universally acknowledged that only in an overachieving Indian American family can a genius daughter be considered a black sheep.
Dr. Trisha Raje is San Francisco’s most acclaimed neurosurgeon. But that’s not enough for the Rajes, her influential immigrant family who’s achieved power by making its own non-negotiable rules:
·       Never trust an outsider
·       Never do anything to jeopardize your brother’s political aspirations
·       And never, ever, defy your family
Trisha is guilty of breaking all three rules. But now she has a chance to redeem herself. So long as she doesn’t repeat old mistakes.
Up-and-coming chef DJ Caine has known people like Trisha before, people who judge him by his rough beginnings and place pedigree above character. He needs the lucrative job the Rajes offer, but he values his pride too much to indulge Trisha’s arrogance. And then he discovers that she’s the only surgeon who can save his sister’s life.
As the two clash, their assumptions crumble like the spun sugar on one of DJ’s stunning desserts. But before a future can be savored there’s a past to be reckoned with...
A family trying to build home in a new land.
A man who has never felt at home anywhere.
And a choice to be made between the two.
— Surprise, apparently this was the first book in the series. I did not know. It didn’t affect my enjoyment of the Persuasion version in this same ‘verse, which is also strange because I liked the Persuasion one way better. There was a lot of medical in this. And not super uplifting medical, either. This was like...oh the Jane character (I guess???) has cancer and either she’s going to go blind after having a surgery (also she was an artist, so you see how this was a problem) or she’s just going to decide to die. Wait, what? That came out of left field, really. Also DJ and Trisha were not nice to each other. Like, I know this is Pride and Prejudice so there has to be some of that at the start, but it wasn’t like Trisha ever really went through the Darcy-required time at Pemberly. She just decided she liked DJ and told him and it was as awkward as Jane Austen intended it, but then we got more medical and everything was cool. It felt very rushed and shoehorned into a modern setting and the Persuasion one was better. You can’t have Darcy’s growth without the Pemberly stuff. You just can’t.
In Which I Didn’t Like a Nickname??? Is the World Ending??
Crazy Stupid Bromance by Lyssa Kay Adams
Alexis Carlisle and her cat café, ToeBeans, have shot to fame after she came forward as a victim of a celebrity chef’s sexual harassment. When a new customer approaches to confide in her, the last thing Alexis expects is for the woman to claim they’re sisters. Unsure what to do, Alexis turns to the only man she trusts—her best friend, Noah Logan.   Computer genius Noah left his rebellious teenage hacker past behind to become a computer security expert. Now he only uses his old skills for the right cause. But Noah’s got a secret: He’s madly in love with Alexis. When she asks for his help, he wonders if the timing will ever be right to confess his crush.   Noah’s pals in The Bromance Book Club are more than willing to share their beloved “manuals” to help him go from bud to boyfriend. But he must decide if telling the truth is worth risking the best friendship he’s ever had.
— If Noah was going to call her Lexa, then her name should have been Alexa and not Alexis. That’s it and that’s all. Also, the story was n u t s. Estranged dads and kidney failure and they got together so fast in this book. Which usually is cool by me, but I really could not get over the nickname and the estranged family was mean to Alexis. Lexa. HER NAME SHOULD HAVE BEEN ALEXA, IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE. Also Noah was a former hacker? The estranged family accused him corporate espionage or something? A lot happened in this book, guys. Her name should have been Alexa.
Dumb Brother Was Dumb™ Everyone Else Was Real Cute
The Off Limits Rule by Sarah Adams
I have found rock bottom. It's here, moving in with my older brother because I'm too broke to afford to live on my own. It's okay though, because we've always been close and I think I'm going to have fun living with him again.

 That is until I meet Cooper...

 Turns out, my brother has very strong opinions on the idea of me dating his best friend and is dead set against it. According to him, Cooper is everything I should stay away from: flirtatious, adventurous, non-committal, and freaking hot. (I added that last part because I feel like you need the whole picture.) My brother is right--I should stay away from Cooper James and his pretty blue eyes. He's the opposite of what I need right now.

 Nah--who am I kidding? I'm going for it.
— This was cute, mostly mindless fluff. Hit some trope high points, including, obviously, best friends sister. Only the brother in question was a Neanderthal and I really thought people were going to make out more while said brother was on his business trip. I got it for free off Amazon. Which I think should explain a lot. Like, story-wise. Sorry, free Amazon books. Don’t be insulted.
Prose, Prose, Prose, Please Someone Have a Conversation
Trick by Natalia Jaster
In the Kingdom of Spring, Poet is renowned. He's young and pretty, a lover of men and women. He performs for the court, kisses like a scoundrel, and mocks with a silver tongue. Yet allow him this: It's only the most cunning and manipulative soul who can play the fool. For beyond the castle walls, Poet guards a secret. One the Crown would shackle him for. One that he'll risk everything to protect. Alas, it will take more than clever words to deceive Princess Briar. Convinced that he's juggling lies as well as verse, this righteous nuisance of a girl is determined to expose him. But not all falsehoods are fiendish. Poet's secret is delicate, binding the jester and princess in an unlikely alliance—and kindling a breathless attraction, as alluring as it is forbidden.
— The purplest of prose. Mauve prose. Royal purple prose. Lavender prose. There was so much writing here. So much. Too much, some might say. I say. Actually. If we want to get specific. And that was a shame, really, because when Briar and Poet actually had a conversation, they were interesting to read about. Also, the world building here? Yeeeesh. The so-called, wait for it, FOOL TRADE played a prominent role and that was...super cringe. Super Cringe. That being said, I asked Justin what I should read next and he thought it was funny that a book was just called...
Dare by Natalia Jaster
In the Kingdom of Summer, they say she's wild. Locked in a cage by the sea, Flare dreams of escape. She dreams of a lost world, known only in legends. The island is calling to her. And she won't let anyone keep her from it. Especially not him. They say he's cruel. Jeryn has crossed the ocean for the Trade, to bargain for those fierce, imprisoned creatures that make his skin crawl. By law, they're subjects meant for experimentation. And easy to despise. One girl in particular. But on the cusp of transport, the tide rages. That hidden island awaits. Stranded, the prince and prisoner must fight to survive. In a mysterious rainforest, they must band together...if they don't slay one another first. Or become something more to each other.  Something just as dangerous.
— This was Justin’s fault. He could not believe this book was just called Dare. It should have been called “We’re going to weirdly force what is basically slavery into this story and then a prince is going to fall in love with an escaped slave and we’re also going to call that ROMANCE.” y i k e s. Remember that one story that took place over three days? This was the complete opposite. Years! They were shipwrecked for years! They got saved, spoilers, the DAY they started having sex. What are the odds, right?? And then MORE YEARS passed. Multiple years! Five years! They couldn’t actually be together because of that aforementioned slave trade. What the shit, man? Natalia, ya gotta be kidding me with this. The internet claimed Trick was good and a solid follow to reading ACOTAR and that there was this whole verse and it was also good. The internet was wrong.
Nothing Happened, Everything Happened, I...Hated It
Graceling by Kristin Cashore
Kristin Cashore’s bestselling, award-winning fantasy Graceling tells the story of the vulnerable-yet-strong Katsa, a smart, beautiful teenager who lives in a world where selected people are given a Grace, a special talent that can be anything from dancing to swimming. Katsa’s is killing. As the king’s niece, she is forced to use her extreme skills as his thug. Along the way, Katsa must learn to decipher the true nature of her Grace… and how to put it to good use. A thrilling, action-packed fantasy adventure (and steamy romance!) that will resonate deeply with adolescents trying to find their way in the world.
— I can’t believe this was a book. Katsa was so annoying! Like, listen, I know her life was sad. And she was a pawn being used against her will. Blah, blah, blah. Whatever. The tone of the whole book was so strangely formal and Poe was strangely in love with Katsa? Who obviously didn’t want to get married because she was WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR. Or kill people, as the case may be. Only she wanted to make out with Poe? Only ONLY they didn’t even really get together at the end? I could not believe the end of this book. I nearly threw my Kindle across the room. Once again, no apologies for spoilers because do not read this book, but HE WAS BLIND? Katsa had to leave him behind to save his cousin and he just ENDED UP BEING BLIND? AND THEY NEVER GOT TOGETHER REALLY?? What the fuck? Seriously. Steamy romance, my ass. Nothing happened. The villain got defeated in point two seconds. There are other books in this universe? No, thanks.
10 notes · View notes
narryblossom · 6 years
Note
Sorry to bother, but I'm new to the Narry fandom. Your blog has really taught me a lot. I was wondering if you have a rec list of your favourite Narry fics? The longer the better. Thank you for being awesome!
No bother at all! I’m glad to be of service, Narry truly is a wonderful ship. Let’s talk about fics! Here are 50 that I love:
if I got a condo on a cloud then I guess you can stay at my place by orphan_account – 8.3k, pretend boyfriends au
Harry can’t just show up to his sister’s wedding where his ex boyfriend is going to be without somebody with him, I mean he can’t just loiter around the chocolate fountain. So that’s why he enlists Niall’s help.
Turn all your grey skies blue. by mogigraphia – 9.7k, kid fic
Niall’s a new single dad, and Harry’s his daughter’s teacher at the daycare.
The Wedding Singer by littlecather – 27.5k, strangers to lovers
It’s not that Harry doesn’t believe in love, exactly - he just thinks that romance and marriage and all that comes with it are overrated. Niall has sung at over a hundred weddings, and is determined to prove Harry wrong. After all - there’s a reason for all those songs.
Frenemies by alteringegoism – 8.1k, enemies to lovers
Harry hates Niall. Niall hates Harry. But Harry wants Zayn and in order to get to him, he’ll have to go through his best friend Niall. Harry will just have to kill Niall with kindness. That’s if Niall doesn’t kill him first. Oh and Liam and Louis are getting married.
When I Close My Eyes, All the Stars Align by FallingLikeThis – 11.6k, soulmate au
A Beauty and the Beast Au in which Harry’s only beastly qualities are his hair and his bad attitude and Niall arrives to spy on him for his sister but ends up staying for so much more.
Lips As Red As Mistletoe by runawaymind – 9.2k, friends to lovers
It’s near Christmas time at Hogwarts and these damn magical mistletoes seem to chase Harry wherever he goes, and it’s a riddle of its own as to why Niall is close by every time one of those stupid plants seem to bloom out of nowhere.
take me over the edge by jamesniall – 6.7k, smut
“The bathrooms are in the end of that hallway, turning to the right.” Harry says, voice slightly lower and deeper than what Niall was used to hear out there in the golf grounds. “Go in there and wait for me.” Harry finishes, softly slapping his cheek, cleary not intended to hurt Niall, but still enough for him to feel it in his gut, making blood rush faster down to his cock. It feels heavy, more than halfway hard in his briefs and Niall has to bite down a whimper when Harry opens his mouth again.
“And don’t touch yourself.”
Or, Niall is Harry’s caddie for the first day at The Masters, at least that’s how it starts.
baby, you don’t know what it’s like by peerpressure – 31k, strangers to friends to lovers
Harry tries really, really hard to only see Niall as a friend.
It’s not working very well.
Because Niall is simply amazing and Harry is so stunned that he’s even allowed in his presence. And also because he wants to suck his dick. Just a little. But he also wants to cuddle him and maybe share food and fight for blankets and press cold feet against each other and shampoo each other’s hair.
Harry just wants to be with Niall.
(In which Louis is a good friend, Liam is kind, Zayn is always stressed, Niall is the new guy and Harry falls in love)
friends just sleep in another bed by littlecather – 39.2k, canon complaint
“Just - I’ve just been hanging out with Harry. A lot - slept over a couple of times.”
“You slept over?” Dougie echoes.
“Not like that,” Niall rolls his eyes - even though it kind of is.
Tour starts; Niall and Harry grow closer.
must have been the mistletoe by countthestars – 7.3k, friends to lovers
“Hey, Harry,” Niall says, voice low and conspiratorial. “Look up.”
“What?” Harry whispers back, because there’s a lot to look at up there, blinking lights and boughs of garland and… “is that mistletoe?”
“'Fraid so,” Niall confirms. His lips twitch like he’s fighting a smile, but he keeps a straight face as he taps his finger against his mouth. “It’s bad luck not to kiss someone underneath mistletoe.”
let’s spin the world around by jamesniall – 4.4k, college au
“Superlatives are just about putting the word más before an adjective or a sustantive. Like más grande which means bigger, or más fuerte, which means harder” Niall says, looking pointedly at Harry and Harry is 99% sure he’s doing it on purpose.
“más rápido means faster” Niall continues, “Are you getting hard from this, Harry?” and if Harry would have had something in his mouth he would have spilled it all over Niall’s face.
Or, Harry learns spanish thanks to Niall’s dirty talk.
Maybe You’re My Snowflake by pintsandguitars – 20k, college au
Harry Styles loves the snow. Niall Horan loves the stars. And somewhere between snowflakes and night skies, they start loving each other.
A head for business and a body for sin by flickerbyniall – 2.1k, au
He first time he caught Harry’s eyes was about an hour ago, the boy was eating some strawberries from the buffet table around the corner, oblivious to the fact he was standing out in the crowd with his rebellious look.
or Harry goes to a Gala and can’t take his eyes off the boy wearing a leather jacket.
Searching by littlecather – 12.1k, au
Niall has been hired by a magazine to track each employee’s searches on Google. Harry uses Google a lot.
wide open spaces by outwardbound93 – 18.8k, au
“Well,” Harry says at the end of the day. The sun sets late in Texas like it doesn’t want to go, clinging to the scrubby flatlands with the last reaches of striped sunbeams. Niall leans on the broom and watches Harry fidget with a bundle of notecards he has to fill with peoples’ heartfelt sentiments. Love notes, apologies, get-well-soons, Harry’s got them all. “Will I see you tomorrow, then?”
Niall props the broomstick against a shelf holding a bunch of little green plants he doesn’t know the name of. The shop is bursting with green leaves, colorful blossoms like pops of candy mixed with buttered popcorn at the movie theatre, and at the heart of it, Harry. Harry, with his languid speech and that one curl that stubbornly sticks out on the side of his head that Niall always wants to twirl around his finger and that smile that arrives in a flash or unfurls slowly.
“Yeah,” says Niall. “I’ll be here.”
Relatable Content by makesomelove – 12.3k, au
Harry glances down at the floor, then up at Niall, lip curling up in a bashful smirk. Niall wants terribly to kiss him. The opportunity is right there in front of him, and it’s the worst idea in the entire world.
It would reach the press. He’d be in the news - CEO and Founder of BeepFodder Niall Horan Sexually Manipulates Underlings. His mum has an alert for him on her computer and she’d see it and have a heart attack. They’d lose sponsors. Even if they didn’t publish the footage, it’d still exist. It all still would have happened. Harry would know Niall likes him. The thought of the most vulnerable spots in his heart being captured on film and shown to millions of people makes Niall sick. Going through with this in a legitimate way would ruin his life no matter what.
just a little rush, babe by theamazingpeterparker – 10.3k, vampire au
“You know everything they say about Dracula? All that stuff I wrote in my paper?” Niall asks as he rips one of the glazed donuts in half. Harry hums. “It’s all bullshit. Real vampires do tomato juice cleanses and do yoga. Fuck.”
Harry’s a vampire who’s awful at parallel parking, being scary, and being alone. He meets Niall walking home alone one night.
this could be the end of everything by basementhero – 20.4k, mythological au
The Norns remembered each cycle of time and would recount the tale if asked: Harry and Niall were not the first of their kind, nor was it the world’s first attempt at existence. Some cycles were short while other stretched on for tens or hundreds or thousands of millennia. It was always the same in the end, though, no matter how many intervening years it took to get there. Baldr always fell; the giants always attacked, and the realms of Yggdrasil—the world tree—were always plunged back into the void after Ragnarök, waiting for rebirth.
But not everything was so set in stone; at least, it didn’t seem to be.
(or: Niall and Harry are immortal deities, but even gods are subject to fate.)
We Could Be The Ones Who Matter by jibrailis – 17.5k, canon complaint?
Harry and Niall both get weirdly intense about things, and by things, they mean competitive Scrabble.
Uncertainty Principle by jibrailis – 81k, au
He didn’t expect this: Australia, the vineyard, and Niall who won’t look him in the eye.
lovesick boys will write you lovesongs by narryblossom – 15k, past relationship
When Niall walks through the gate at Dublin Airport at four in the morning, jet lagged to hell and back, he feels like he’s home. He thinks he’s never felt so happy to hear an Irish accent, and he certainly has never been so happy to have no fucking clue what he’s doing.
(Well, he has some idea of what he’s doing, he just isn’t sure it’s going to work out the way it does in his head.)
(An AU where Niall dreams of his lost love and finds himself going home to search for him.)
let yourself be enchanted by acastle – 23.8k, hogwarts au
“Which means, I’ve got a Charms post to fill. And do you know who he suggested for the job?”
Harry doesn’t trust the wide beam on his face, and Louis goes on, “Well, he’d told me about this bloke. Class of 2011, student rank number three but top at Charms of his class, Hufflepuff, prefect, atrocious Quidditch player, but he makes a great treacle tart-”
“He suggested me?” Harry says blankly.
Along the Way (Something Changed) by catrinahart – 25.2k, au
For the last five years, singer turned actor, Harry Styles has had Niall by his side to help manage his incredibly crazy life. They met and quickly became the best of friends. Then people start asking questions, making Harry think, what do they see that he doesn’t?
baby, you make my heart beat faster by countthestars – 9.8k, au
Niall’s into Harry. Harry’s into taxidermy.
move your world a little closer by countthestars – 45.8k, alien au
In which Niall is a bit lost, Liam and Louis can’t seem to get their shit together, and Harry is literally out of this world.
(aka: alien narry)
and days gone by by outwardbound93 – 20.7k, college au
Niall catches himself glancing at Harry in the backseat. The tops of buildings are lined with Christmas lights like the iced piping on a gingerbread house, and the crisp sharp light of a winter night makes Harry’s skin look warm and soft.
riverina by outwardbound93 – 13.2k, royalty au
Harry looks up at Niall, the sharp, almost antique lines of his face thrust into regal beauty by the stadium lights. Harry’s ribs press against the size of his heart.
Or, a royalty!au where Niall’s a prince and Harry’s the reporter that writes about him.
and you know in your heart it’ll be worth it by outwardbound93 – 12k, mythological au
“At home, we sleep on the,” he points at the ceiling. “The top, so we don’t float away.”
Niall laughs. “The ceiling, you mean?” He traces the line of Harry’s dimple. “I figured you slept inside a castle, like in the pictures of what Atlantis looked like.”
“I doubt that’s accurate,” Harry says. He palms Niall’s thigh, running his hand down to his knee, where he pauses to feel out the unfamiliar bones with his fingertips. “Otters sleep holding hands so they won’t drift apart, did you know that?”
“What, are you an otter?” Niall asks.
“No, but it might not be too bad,” Harry says. He lays his head to rest on Niall’s chest, over his heart. His fingers tangle with Niall’s in the sheets, his skin tanned and smooth, Niall’s pale and scarred.
“Eh,” Niall says. “It’s not too bad, I guess.”
let me photograph you in this light by storhan – 29.6k, college au
“I like that one,” he says, turning the camera back around to show Harry the picture he took earlier that day of Niall reading. Harry also finds himself smiling, he quite likes that one too.
“Me too,” Harry says softly.
Or, Harry’s a photography major and Niall is his muse.
something so magic about you by storhan – 14.7k, kid fic
Niall’s a single father and Harry’s his neighbor who never seems to wear a shirt.
i sing you like a song i heard when i was young by disequilibrium – 17.7k, magic au
Niall never thought he’d find his way back home. But then, the wind works in mysterious ways: a stranger at the door, an impossible escape. A whisper that changes everything, forever, again.
St-st-stuttering by asaprockme – 8.8k, college au
In which Harry has a stutter that he just can’t control. Niall doesn’t mind.
If we dream forever, whatever happens next by brokendrums – 6.3k, au
Niall meets Harry on the train and can’t stop thinking about him. Then one evening when they get off the train, Harry invites him back to his.
let’s start right now by dramaturgicallycorrect – 29.6k, au
[Harry’s a professional cross country road trip driver, and Niall is his latest fare.]
What’s A Fella T’ Do? by iwanna_seeyou_undoit – 35.6k, pretend relationship
Pretend!Boyfriends AU where Harry doesn’t own any trousers that don’t have holes in them, Niall is the only one who can drive, and they definitely aren’t shagging.
I’m not trying to stop you, love by littlecather – 27.4k, college au
Niall and Harry are the only ones left on campus over the Christmas holidays, and even though they’ve never really hung out before, they manage to spend most of the week holed up in Harry’s room, together.
the piano man’s playing some old melody by littlervoice – 5.6k, pianist au
Harry is a piano player. One day his neighbour puts in a request.
Do you want to come to the gym? by maxette – 3k, strangers to lovers
Niall is Harry’s personal trainer: a romantic comedy without the middle forty-five minutes of misunderstandings.
running around in love again by mozartspiano – 2.5k, college au
they meet at a coffee shop on valentine’s day. it’s all a horrible cliche.
place your head on my beating heart by takesmeunder – 5.3k, college au
That’s usually how they fuck, with Harry on his hands and knees with Niall doing him from behind. It’s impersonal and something they both enjoy, but something twists in Niall’s heart at the thought of doing it that way tonight.
You Feel Like Home (You’re Like A Dream Come True) by roughvoiced – 16k, pretend relationship
Niall sighs and unwraps the scarf from around his neck. “A plus one,” he repeats. “I need one.”
“For what?” Harry asks, watching as Niall unzips his coat, letting it slip off his arms and drop to a rumpled pile on the carpet before slipping off his shoes and striding over to Harry, plonking himself down on the sofa beside him and snuffling up under his arm, waiting for Harry to pull him in close before he speaks.
“Greg’s wedding.”
or, the au where Harry offers to be Niall’s plus one and ends up with a whole lot more than he bargained for.
This Time Tomorrow by colbyjack – 36k, dancing au
Even under the yellowing light of the streetlamp above them and the faint, milky glow from the moon; even in a vacant street in a bustling city and the entire span of states farther than the hills’ green border; even under the rain, Harry thinks Niall is the most wonderful person he’s ever met—the very ‘you’ in his journal.
*
A story in which a contemporary dancer/ballet teacher and a Latin ballroom instructor fall in love within the first year they meet.
Another Auld Land Syne by colbyjack – 6.2k, this is probably my favorite narry fic of all time i think of it constantly and idk why ok bye
“We drank a toast to innocence We drank a toast to now. And tried to reach beyond the emptiness, But neither one knew how.”
-
Harry and Niall are old flames who eventually find each other again, of course, because the universe doesn’t want to give up on them.
stacked against you by siempreniall – 3.3k, college au
Niall hates the library. All of the computers are always taken, the stacks make him feel claustrophobic, and his short attention span has never given itself well to studying anyways. The cute boy at the information desk makes it all worth it, though.
i want you so much (but i hate your guts) by siempreniall – 6.2k, secret relationship smut
Niall doesn’t know what he’s still doing there. This isn’t really how he likes to spend his Sunday nights. He doesn’t want to be yelled at and made to feel guilty for something that happened months ago. All he wants is to leave, really.
heartbreak hero by acastle – 30k, enemies to friends to lovers
“So you want me to hear your side of things?“
“Yes, that would be a start.”
“Fine,” Niall steps forward, so he and Harry are practically nose to nose. “Come back tomorrow at 8, so you can air your side of the situation on my segment.”
In which Niall is a love guru of sorts on the radio, who thinks love is the bane of the world, and Harry is a fuckboy who’s lovely, surely, but is not the best boyfriend in the world, not by a long shot. His girl breaks up with him while on air with Niall, and Harry isn’t having that, so he forces Niall to help him win her back.
(Alternatively, Niall’s Guide On How to Win Back the Girl, patent pending. It should work, in theory.)
hold me closer tiny dancer by countthestars – 3.6k, strangers to lovers
Dancing isn’t really Harry’s strong suit. Niall doesn’t really care.
Home is Wherever I’m with You by ziamfcks – 5.3k, strangers to lovers
Niall is blind and Harry works in a coffeeshop. It’s love from the start.
[Click this link to see drabbles from tumblr I’ve rec’d]
So there’s that! I’ve read soooooooo many fics over the years and I’m sure there are a ton that I’ve forgotten. There’s also a narry only fic rec blog called @thenarrystore that posts every day so that’s a good place to find more!
203 notes · View notes
mydeardeath · 6 years
Text
A dragon’s hoard (part 1)
on AO3
summary :  Dragons had always been part of tales in Gotham. They were fascinating creature after all. But they weren't supposed to be real. Nobody, except the old Lady Drake, believed in them. That is, until Crown Prince is taken by one of them during his birthday party.
The Drake was one of the most powerful families of the Kingdom of Gotham. They owned the largest land, one that had once been mostly inhabited by savage that refused to follow the rules of the King, that nobody had dared to venture to until the Drake had conquered it. The life on this land was harder than in other counties with the rude winters in the mountain and the arid plains where almost nothing grew, but people had started to come, reassured by the Drake presence. Part of their fame and success was due to their competence as Dragon Hunters. Dragons had been one of the reasons why leaving in this land was dangerous and the Drake had eliminated this threat. They had explored the fallen Dragons lair and taken their hoard for them, becoming richer than anyone in the kingdom. The King himself often consulted the Drake on the kingdom matters, to ensured their support.
Emboldened by his parents' triumph, Charles Drake had wanted to slay a Dragon himself but there wasn't any left in this land. So when he reached adulthood, he left Gotham to find one. He returned with a Dragon scale to prove to everyone his victory over the beast and for a fortnight after his return all was well. They celebrated his success with a grand feast and dances for a few day and his wife gave birth to a healthy boy : Jack Drake.
But their happiness didn't last long. In his quest for reconnaissance, Charles had gone after an innocent Dragon, one that hadn't hurt anyone and that didn't deserve to die just to satiate a man's ego. So, one day the Drake family was visited by a spirit that cursed Charles, his wife, and son. They themselves became dragons and were to stay in this form until they learned to respect the ones they had hunted.
So Charles fleed with his family, afraid they would be killed. His parents stayed behind, still humans. They helped Charles built a house high in the mountains, away from humans villages. Their tragic fate spread in all the kingdom, yet the rumor was never confirmed. The only thing people knew for sure is that nobody ever saw Charles Drake from this day on.
***
This was ridiculous. Damian didn't understand why they had to go through this, they were royalty after all, they didn't owe anything to anyone. Yet, here he was dressed in white silk of the highest quality, covered in jewels and paraded in the street. Today marked his coming of age and the entire kingdom seemed to have come to the capital to celebrate it. Well, at least all the nobles and the wealthy, all with the same hope : marry their daughter to the prince. His father had refused any engagement, telling everyone that Damian would get to choose once he was eighteen. And obviously, they all had remembered. To be fair, they had started to fight for his hand far before his eighteenth birthday but before they had least tried to be subtle. Nothing seemed to deter this vultures. He had tried the gay card which wasn't at all effective. His preference didn't seem to matter as he would need an heir if he was to be king. They just proposed him to take a paramour, all their daughter ready to "accept it". As if he needed their authorization ! But even his father had agreed that he would need a child, need an heir. Some had suggested he renounced to the throne, probably hoping that Dick, the king oldest ward, would take it instead. They took Dick gentleness as naivety and thought they would be able to manipulate him more easily. Nobles were ridiculous.
After the march through the capital, he was to endure a ball, one he could not evade as it was in his honor and his absence would quickly be noticed. So he stayed in the ballroom, dancing with all the unmarried girls and groped by the older ones. And despite the growing need, he didn't touch more than one drink so the kingdom wouldn't worry about his "apparent alcoholism" like they had done with Jason after he had been sighted in a pub the day following his own coming of age. Most of the girls he waltzed with were insipid and boring. Thankfully, due to his reputation; he didn't have to bother with a faux smile. He didn't try to pretend to be interested in anything they were saying which did nothing to deter them. They did not care about it, only his status mattered. He was saved from his suitor by the member of his father council. Not that they were any better. They kept praising him, his strength and his intelligence while just a few months ago they had criticized all his idea until they had been reminded of his age. They all wanted his favor to gain power in the council. Some even went to propose him to teach him everything about "lovemaking" with a man so he could have a blooming sexual life when he chose a paramour. As if he would want so old decrepit man that probably didn't know how to please anyone but himself.
The only one he didn't mind talking to was Lady Drake. She was a really old lady, but not one to pinch his cheek telling him he looked precious or "a beauty worthy of being taken by a dragon" (one of the most frequent and stupid "compliment" used by dodderer toward young ladies and exceptionally young lords.). And nobody dared come bother him when she was with him, she was far too powerful for that. Her lack of heir had enhanced said power, as all hoped for a part of her wealth when she would inevitably die.  And despite her advanced age, she was still quick-witted and they could discuss for hours without Damian getting bored. Sometimes she would wander to fantasy, talking about dragons as though they were real creatures and not just tale to scare young children. But Damian, while he thought the idea of dragon ludicrous, didn't mind her oddness. She was good at telling stories and it was often a welcome distraction.
Lady Drake eventually retired from the party, not able to stay awake at wee hours as she used to in his youth. Damian didn't have to wait long after she had left his size to be assaulted anew by nobles. He was envious of the lady, he would have liked as well to escape from the room and its dull people. But he was discouraged from doing so by his father gaze. He had promised to stay at least until two in the morning and had still more than one hour to go at.
Ignoring several offers to dance, he started searching for his "big brothers". They liked to call themselves that, always talking about their duty as older brothers. It was mainly an excuse to baby him, they had barely changed the way they treated him in the last six years even if he had grown from kid to adult. Dick took seriously his role as big brother but Jason mostly did it to rouse him. Damian had hoped to take advantage of it tonight, using his brothers to shield him from the dangerous predators that were the young ladies in attendance.
However, to Damian despair, it seemed that Dick didn't have more luck than him, surrounded by his own crowd of invasive aristocrats. Two women were splattered to him, each one to a hip, their hands on his chest like a sign of ownership. The competition was tough as they were a dozen of women in Dick's company, all of them trying to catch his attention by miscellaneous means. Some of them had corset so tightly bound that their breasts seemed about to burst out of it. Yet, as much as they could bend toward Dick to give him a better view, his brother eyes never wandered below their faces.
So Dick wasn't an option at the moment. He scanned the crowd for Jason, careful to never stop. Being still for just a few seconds could be perceived as an invitation. He searched the entire room, not forgetting a single corner, before it became clear that Jason had managed to sneak out unnoticed. Lucky him. It also meant that he would get no help from his brothers. His father wasn't either an option and Cassandra wasn't even here. She was rarely in the capital nowadays. She had always been discreet and, apparently, it allowed her to go explore the world without the court noticing her absence. Maybe he should have done the same. But considering he was the king only biological son it seemed unlikely that nobles could have under any circumstances forgotten about his existence.
Damian didn't have much choice but to resign himself to endure innocuous highborns for one more hour. An opportunity presented itself to him when a tray full of glasses shattered to the ground. The commotion was loud enough to attract everyone attention and he took this occasion to slide through a balcony door and close it behind himself. He couldn't leave as he had to make a final appearance that would signal the end of the party. If his father found out he had been hiding on a balcony, he could just pretend he had been here for only five minutes to take some fresh air. Nonetheless, he was careful to blend in the shadow so no one would see him from the inside and join him. The isolation offered by his hideout could make some people bold. Well, bolder than some already were.
The cold air of the night hit him, his clothes were doing nothing to warm him. In fact, they were supposed to keep him from getting warm so he wouldn't overheat in the ballroom. But Damian didn't care in the slightest, the bite of the cold was more pleasant than the party going inside.  Plus he had his glass of whiskey, still half full, to warm him. He started to sip his drink slowly when he heard a strange noise behind him, as if something had scratched against the brick of the roof. Damian didn't see anything when he looked up, yet he had the sensation of being observed. He was probably getting paranoid after the event of the evening, so he dismissed the feeling and went back to his drink.
Just a few minutes later he heard a deep huff of breath that couldn't have come from a human. He tensed automatically, his feet moving to face the unknown threat. He didn't manage to get a look at the beast as its claws had already ensnared his waist and before he knew it, his feet weren't touching the floor beneath him. He struggled in the creature grip, his legs battling uselessly in the air, and his glass slipped from his fingers when he tried to free himself from the beast clutch with his hands.
He should probably call for help, but he didn't want anyone to see him in such a state, unable to defend himself. Dick would without a doubt tease him mercilessly if he was the one to save him. If only he had brought his sword. His father had forbidden him from taking it, fearing that he would snap at one point while having to go through an entire day surrounded by stupid people.
Damian was still trying to loosen the creature grip on his waist when a cry pierced the silence. A middle-aged woman had opened the balcony door and was frozen in its entrance. Then two things happened at the same time : all the party seemed to gather at the windows, some shouting the word"Dragon", and he was violently projected in the air as the beast (dragon ?) jump in the sky. He heard his father calling after him in a horrified voice. His father was strong and a knowledgeable man but he had never encountered any dragon. Bruce was known, by his family and friends at least, to have contingency plans for everything. Almost everything. Dragons had never been something they took seriously. So, for the moment, Damian was on his own.
The strength of the sudden move cut the prince breath for a few instant, leaving him with a searing pain in his chest. The speed at which they were going didn't help either. Damian felt as if he was going to throw up, his inside being shaken in all direction. This wasn't the only thing he had to worry about. If he had been cold on the balcony, it was nothing compared to now. He was completely frozen, covered by thin clothes and flying at high speed in the glacial wind of the night. At this rhythm he wouldn't have to worry about the dragon intention, he was going to die from hypothermia before that. His fingers were already starting to go numb and soon he would be too weak to move. He was on the verge of passing out when he began to feel warmth where the dragon skin was touching his own. Between the scales of the beast, he could see its skin glowing slightly as if a fire had been lit inside him. And why not ? If Dragons were real, so their rumored ability to spit fire could be too.
Despite the dragon apparent effort to keep him alive, he had been too dizzy to stay awake and had drifted slowly to sleep. He didn't know how much had passed when he woke up. As he had no mean to know for how long they had flown and in which directions, he had no idea where he was. It would make his return home harder. But it wouldn't be enough to deter him. He was a prince, he wouldn't end alone in a strange land, eaten by a fucking dragon !
He wasn't really sure that the Dragon planned to eat him. He had been laid on soft furs, near the hearth where a fire was still slightly burning. The whole room was pretty cozy, entirely covered in enough furs and pillow that the floor had disappeared. It was like a giant bed, and maybe it was. Maybe this was where the dragon usually slept.
For the moment Damian was alone, an opportunity he couldn't waste. He got up on his shaking legs and went for the door. Although he had difficulty opening it, it wasn't locked just old and rusty. The door led to a wide hall illuminated by the cold light of the winter sun entering through the large windows. He just took a glance for Damian to realize that he was on a mountain, at a high point. The forest outside the castle - he could be nothing else than a castle judging by the size of the rooms and the quality of the wood flooring - was bare. The trees had lost their foliages thus he would have to move fast and never stop if he wanted to escape as the forest would offer no cover from the sky. The tree trunks would probably break like little wood under the beast weight.
He didn't have the time to plot his evasion before the rustling of wings echoed outside. The dragon was already back and running into the forest was no longer an option. But he could still evade the creature. Surely, dragons were gigantic being. So the one that had taken him couldn't possibly have access to all the room. He would just have to hide in one with a small door.
Damian went to the first floor, the rooms downstairs were made for holding parties and were generally bigger than private quarters. He chose the narrower corridor and picked a room without a window opening onto the front yard so the dragon wouldn't break it to grab him. It was a small bedroom, perhaps for a maid, with a single bed and basic furniture. Everything was covered in dust, making his nose hitch in discomfort. He restrained himself from making any noise to not betray his location. He tried to open the closet but it creaked too much so he gave up. He had hoped to find other clothes as he had started shivering again. There was no fire to warm him in here.
He waited for the dragon to come for him, tear apart the door and snag him but nothing happened. The castle remained silent. No roar of anger. No claws scratching against the wall.
Hours passed and the sun declined, and the dragon never came to find him. Tired and freezing, he shook the sheets and pillows before settling on the bed, fold back on himself.
Part 2
17 notes · View notes
dusty-cookie · 7 years
Text
Through The Valley - Chapter 10
Fic Summary: A deeper look into The Sanctuary.
Boy meets girl. Girl meets boy. Boy has a weird obsession with a baseball bat, promiscuity and the word “fuck”. Girl has to find out if she can look past these things. Also, zombies and shit.
AO3 Link: http://archiveofourown.org/works/10075958/chapters/25085109
Tags: @rickdixonandthefandomlifeposts @embracetheapocalypsewithme @redisunamused @kinkozan @lupienne @theblack-wolf @lovingzombiechaos @dragonracer @miiraal
Pairing: Negan X OFC
Chapter Summary:  Snow Days
(Chapter 10 whaaaat??? Thanks to those people that keep reading this and I hope you enjoy this chapter)
Word Count: 4802
Tumblr media
Negan walked into the hall with a spring in his step and a smile on his face. His mood was exceptionally good this morning. The wives had convinced him to join them for breakfast and it had been an unusually pleasant affair, with barely any bitching going on. Instead, they had all been flirtatious and attentive and it had resulted in a memorable foursome, with him fucking Valerie from behind, while Valerie was eating out Becky, while Tara sat on Becky’s face.
With breakfast long over, the cafeteria was almost empty and he scanned the hall for the one thing that could make his morning even more enjoyable. He found her in her usual spot on one of the sofas in the recreational area, closest to the small wood-burning stove that they had set up and running to provide some more warmth during the winter.
She was deep in thought over some papers in her lap, her facial expressions and movements ranging from frowning, to biting her lower lip to chewing on the pencil in her right hand. The latter was a rather disgusting habit of hers, but it was the entire scope of her mannerisms, right down to the thick green socks on her feet that were nearly falling apart and which she refused to throw away, that made Lilly, Lilly.
Negan realized that he had been staring at her and shook his head to pull his mind away from her lips and her feet to approach the object of his musings and plop down next to her.
“Morning sugartits.”
“Morning fancy-face.”
He chuckled and leaned closer to her to see what she was working on. The stupid nicknames had become a daily ritual, with an unspoken competition between the two of them who could come up with the silliest moniker. Lilly had come close to winning the morning before, when she had answered his “Morning sweetcheeks,” with a grin and a “Morning candy dick,” that had nearly caused him to spit out his coffee.
“Why the fuck are you doing points? I thought Laura finished the lists last night.”
“Yeah, but some of them didn’t add up this morning, so I told her I’d have a look at them.”
Negan sighed and rolled his eyes. Sometimes he felt like he was surrounded by idiots. It was a good thing that his newest lieutenant was so anal about the points and inventory lists.
“Did you see that shit outside?” He put his arm on the headrest behind her in hopes of getting her attention, since she had yet to look up from her papers. Lilly seemed unable to tear her gaze away from them, though.
“If by ‘shit’ you mean ‘snow’, then yes. It was kind of hard to miss when I looked out of the window first thing this morning. I already made snow angels with the kids.”
“Pfff… fucking snow just means more fucking work clearing paths around Sanctuary.”
“It also means frozen walkers. And fun. Don’t worry, I sent out a team to do some shoveling.”
He grinned to himself while he watched her correcting the last couple of pages. In the few short months that Lilly had been at Sanctuary, she had fast become one of the most productive members of his community. She was already sharing responsibilities with Dwight when it came to organizing scavenging runs, while showing no hesitation of going out there herself to get her hands dirty. She also had a knack for keeping some of the weight off Negan’s back when it came to the more tedious tasks of leading a group, like assigning snow shoveling duty to a bunch of lazy fucks and dealing with their resulting complaints.
“Thanks babe. I might just be able to retire soon if you keep doing my work,” he stated half-jokingly. She usually got testy whenever he made quips about her taking over Sanctuary and was very vocal about having no leadership ambitions, but he could not help himself from testing the waters from time to time. Sure enough, she finally looked up from the lists with a raised eyebrow.
“No rest for the wicked, Your Highness. Here, these should be in order now.” She handed him the points lists so he could use them for commissary this week. He folded them and threw them on the coffee table.
“So… snow angels? Why would you willingly go out there in the freezing fucking cold?”
“I love snow. It reminds me of home.”
“And what’s home?”
“Michigan. Halfway between Grand Rapids and Lake Michigan to be exact. We used to have some spectacular winters when I was young.”
“You never told me you’re from fucking Michigan.”
“You never asked.”
He didn’t know what to say to that. He suddenly became painfully aware of the fact that he didn’t know anything about Lilly from before the world went to shit. That was something that needed to be amended.
“So how the fuck did you end up in bumfuck Maryland?”
“Got into Johns Hopkins, got a job in Annapolis after finishing my degree, tried to get to DC when the dead started walking. You know the rest of the story.”
“Annapolis, huh? I used to visit the beach at Sandy Point from time to time. Just my fucking luck that I never ran into your sexy ass.” He was also intimately familiar with the hospital there, but he kept that to himself.
“Sandy Point is nice. Crowded, though. Well, not anymore I guess. Where are you from, then?”
“Crofton, born and raised. Most boring fucking place on earth.”
“Aww, poor Negan. And what did you do there besides being bored?”
“Being the best fucking middle school gym teacher in the whole fucking county.”
“Seriously? You were a teacher?”
“Yeah yeah, I know. How can a bad motherfucker like me be allowed to teach kids…”
“No, I’m sure you made an awesome teacher. It’s just that I used to be one, too. I taught at St. John’s.”
“Oooooh… look at the fancy fucking college professor. I’m pretty sure there’s some kind of fetish to be explored here somewhere.” He winked at her and she laughed. He would have loved to elaborate on this particular topic, but they were interrupted by the arrival of Jax, Dwight, Connor, Gavin and Andrei. He was one of the scouts that commuted between the outposts and took their motorcycles into cities to look for potential places to scavenge. He also had the annoying habit of making moves on Lilly whenever he spent time at Sanctuary.
“Hello lovely.”
“Morning Andrei,” she smiled at him, “Did you have any problems getting here in this kind of weather?”
He took off his gloves and sat on the armrest right next to Lilly with a cocky grin on his face.
“Nah. A real biker doesn’t care about a little snow.”
“Jax and Gavin need some practice on the bikes,” Dwight addressed Negan.
“How good are we on gas?” Negan did not like the idea of them wasting fuel just so they could frolic in the snow.
“We’ve got more than enough. The weather isn’t so bad yet and all the dead are frozen, so the noise won’t be a problem.”
“Fine. Get the fuck out of here, then. Only for an hour, though.”
“You wanna join us darling? I can show you how to ride,” Andrei asked suggestively.
“Fuck no! No way am I going to get on one of those hell beasts.” Negan’s mood got even better. Lilly turned to look at Jax next and raised her index finger at him, “And if I see you without a helmet out there I’m going to whoop your ass.”
“Yes, mom,” Jax chuckled and the group of men made their way to the Sanctuary’s front doors.
Lilly stretched her legs and put her feet up on the coffee table, her head falling back against the headrest and his forearm. He damned the cold weather even more now, forcing him to wear his leather jacket and not being able to feel her hair on his skin. She stared at her feet and it seemed like she took a particular interest at the holes in her woolen socks. The blank face told him that she had one of her brain resets, though. He couldn’t blame her, really. Between correcting points, entertaining the children and assigning daily duties, her day had already been pretty busy and it wasn’t even noon yet. He almost felt bad that all he done so far was getting his dick wet.
“So you’re afraid of fucking motorcycles?” He tried to engage her again, “And here I thought you weren't scared of anything.” He wrapped a strand of her black hair around his finger and tugged lightly to bring her back to reality. She wiggled her toes and looked up at him.
“I’m afraid of lots of things. Motorcycles, bears, heights, werewolves…”
He laughed at that. “Good fucking thing you only have to deal with fucking zombies.”
“True. What are you afraid of?”
Large dogs. Loss of control. Hospitals…
“Abso-fucking-lutely nothing. Told you I’m a bad motherfucker.”
“Uh-huh. And I’m Santa. By the way, I should probably go take a look how the snow shoveling is coming along.”
“No, I’ll go. You take the rest of the day off and catch up on some fucking sleep or knitting or rubbing one out while thinking of me.” He winked at her and stood up. She craned her neck to give him a smile and he tried to convince himself that this one was much more genuine than what she had showed Andrei earlier.
“Thanks boss. I owe you one.” That was kind of ironic, considering she had kept the Sanctuary up and running during his short absence this morning.
“Heh, yeah. Better not fucking go there babe. See you later.” He turned to go look for the snow crew before his big mouth told her exactly what she could do to make it up to him.
The following couple of weeks were slow and dark and cold. The weather had been relatively stable so far, but right after New Year’s, a massive blizzard hit the area and the Sanctuary was wrapped in a blanket of snow and ice. All scavenging was put on hold since they only had one army truck equipped for this kind of weather. Negan was once more proud of his foresight. Inventory was still full with rice that would last them through the rest of the winter and he had made sure back in the fall that enough trees around Sanctuary were cut down so they could keep the furnace in the hall and the stoves in the dormitory and the single rooms burning throughout the next couple of weeks.
His Saviors were in hibernation. Most slept a lot, others socialized more than usual and it only took him two times of threatening people with the hot iron until the occasional fights ceased completely. Or at least, people made sure he wasn’t around when tempers flared too high.
Lilly’s room had become sort of a refuge for him and some others, like Jax, Connor, Seth, Paula and Laura. It was one of the biggest rooms on the third floor, where the lieutenants lived and she wasn’t sharing it with anyone. With the Tower rec room pretty much abandoned and the hall packed with people at all times, the long winter nights were spent playing cards on her bed and passing around the occasional bottle of booze to keep their insides warm.
This morning after breakfast they had once more migrated to Lilly’s place. Connor and Seth were engaged in a battle of chess, while Negan got comfortable on Lilly’s bed, playing cards with Jax and the girls.
“Negan, any fours?”
“Go fucking fish! You have to take off your shirt now.”
“For the last time, we’re not playing strip Go Fish!”
“I’m your boss, you gotta do as I say.” This statement and his pouting earned him a couple of chuckles from the others.
“Can you imagine having someone like that as a leader?” Laura asked while rearranging her cards.
“It sucks, trust me,” Jax answered ominously and Lilly was quick to change the topic:
“Yeah, we’re lucky we ended up here. At least this one doesn’t have shit for brains.”
“Oh please. It was my awesome fucking charm and personality that convinced you to come with us. Not to mention my panty-combusting good looks.” Negan winked at Lilly.
“Your looks? No. It was Lucille that caught my attention,” she said while picking up the bat from its spot against the bedframe and twirling it in her hand, “All soft curves and sharp edges…,” she continued while stroking her thumb over the wood and watching the light reflect from the barbed wire.
“Holy fucking shit woman! Do you want me to nut in front of all these people?”
“Now that's a challenge if I ever heard one,” Lilly grinned and set Lucille back out of sight.
“Jesus fucking Christ, get a room you two!” Seth exclaimed from his spot at the small table by the window.
“We are in a fucking room, dipshit.”
“Yeah. And it’s MY room, and I can do all the nutting I want in here.”
Negan broke into a booming laugh and was just about to comment on Lilly’s ability to make people orgasm, when a knock on her door made everyone look up. Without waiting for an invitation, the door opened to reveal Carson, who looked even more timid than usual.
“Sir, we’ve got a problem.”
“What the fuck is it now? Is Dwight complaining about the Tower rec room again? I told him it’s his fucking responsibility to heat it if he insists on spending his free time there.”
“No, Sir. It’s… it’s the rice. The kitchen crew wanted to start preparing lunch and dinner and they discovered that it’s spoiled. I think it’s some kind of fungus. We opened all the rice sacks and there’s only two or three of them that doesn’t have mold in them.” Carson looked close to crying and he flinched when Negan jumped up from the bed and his lieutenants followed suit.
“Are you absolutely fucking sure that all the food has gone bad? How the fuck did this happen?” he asked in an increasingly louder voice. This couldn’t be happening. Maybe they all didn’t know shit about rice. Maybe it was just some bugs. They could still eat rice with some bugs in it, right?
“It might be the weather,” Connor offered as an explanation, even if it was far from helpful at the moment, “The storage room can get damp, but it’s not cold enough in there to freeze the food.”
“And why the fuck has nobody fucking thought about this before we put the motherfucking rice in there?” Negan yelled before he felt a hand on his arm. Lilly looked up at him with concern in her eyes, but she tried to diffuse the situation.
“Don’t panic yet. Let’s go down there and have a look. There might have been a mistake.”
He wiped a hand over his face, concentrating hard on not letting anyone see that he was shaking.
“Yeah… yes, you’re right. Let’s see if there’s been a mistake.”
There wasn’t.
A light blanket of gray fur covered the topmost layer of rice inside every sack they looked into. Negan did not lose any time and called for a meeting with his lieutenants. He had to get busy to keep himself from freaking out. Dwight and Lilly were tasked with finding a way to get supplies. Negan told them to go every route they could take with the army truck, whether it be the other communities, hunting, or scavenging, preferably further South along the coast. He ordered the scouts to try to get to the outposts and tell them that Hilltop and the Kingdom had to give up half of their supplies now, as long as it didn’t leave them starving. The rest of his lieutenants were told to organize food rationing and to make sure people wouldn’t panic.
His own panic was an entirely different problem. How could he have been so stupid as to solely rely on the rice? Dwight and Lilly did their best while going out with their teams, but the weather got even worse, with snow storms being an almost daily occurrence now. Lilly tried to go hunting once, but came back nearly frozen to death. While wrapping two wool blankets around her shivering body on the rec room sofa, Negan told her he would use the handcuffs from their first night together and tie her to her bed if she ever snuck out again.
The first week after the mold discovery, they managed to keep the news from people at Sanctuary, but after the tenth day without rice and with decreasing portion sizes, rumors began to spread and the Saviors started to get nervous.
A group of people were standing in Negan’s office, demanding to know what was going on, while he summoned his biggest inner asshole and told them to shut the fuck up and get the fuck out. No one would starve, not while he was leader, but he only told that to himself, repeating it in his mind over and over again.
He had just managed to either threaten or calm down the mob enough so they would leave, when there was another knock on his door and Lilly walked in. He was grateful for the distraction, even if he would have preferred for her to be able to go outside scavenging. The way she was nervously chewing on her lower lip and how she twisted her hands in front of her made his stomach sink. She sat down on the edge of the chair in front of his desk instead of assuming her usual relaxed posture.
“There’s something I need to tell you.”
“The only thing I can deal with right now is for you to ask me to fuck you on this desk,” he joked, but he already knew it had to be something important if she came to him instead of trying to deal with it on her own.
“Negan…,” she pleaded, clearly not in the mood for their usual flirtatious banter.
He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. “Alright, what the fuck is it this time?”
“I think I have a solution to our problem,” she said while holding out her palm to him. In her hand was a small key, of the kind you would use for a padlock. Negan took it and stared at it for a couple of seconds, before raising his eyebrows in her direction to show her that he was waiting for an explanation.
“There’s a shed, not far from where you found me and Jax. It’s filled with food cans and rice,  stored in airtight plastic containers and with packs of silica gel to control moisture. It should be enough to get us through the next couple of weeks until the weather lets up. It will take a while for us to get there with the truck, but if we leave today…”
Negan didn’t let her finish. He slammed his hand with the key on his desk and she flinched.
“Are you fucking telling me…,” his voice was dangerously low, “that you kept a whole fuck-ton of fucking food from me? From us?” He didn’t look at her. He couldn’t. Rage had started to boil hot in his belly and he forced himself to stare at the treacherous key on his desk, instead of looking into those green eyes of hers that had only ever given him positive emotions so far.
“I’m so sorry Negan…,” she whispered and he could hear the tears in her eyes, “It was my backup in case things didn’t work out here.”
He got up so violently that his chair crashed into the wall behind him.
“Your backup, huh? Your fucking backup? You fucking lied to me, Lilly. I remember asking you if we had taken everything…”
“And you had! I told you we had taken everything useful from the house…”
“Fuck you Lilly! For motherfucking fuck’s sake!” He spun around to tower over her. She had the sense not to continue her train of thought. He could see through the red veil of anger that she looked miserable; guilty and scared.
“We’ve been talking about people starving to fucking death. There are fucking kids in here that go hungry. And you’re only telling me about this shit now?”
“I thought we’d manage…”
“Well we clearly fucking don’t, Lil. You fucking lied to me. You kept this shit from me because of your stupid fucking paranoias. Because you always fucking need a backup of a backup of a fucking backup.”
“You know why I am like that.”
“I don’t give a flying fuck if your former leaders gave you fucking issues. When have I ever given you any fucking reason not to trust me?” Apart from the obvious problem of her keeping food from his people, that was the other reason for his rage. That she didn’t trust him.
“You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Negan,” she sounded like a broken record now and he didn’t care about her excuses, “I’m going to get Dwight and maybe Laura and Gavin and we’ll leave within the hour.”
“Oh no. You’re not going any-fucking-where. In fact, you’re fucking forbidden from leaving the fucking Tower for at least a month.”
“You’re grounding me?” The threat had brought back some of her fighting spirits. To anyone else, this would have been a relatively mild punishment, but Negan knew how much she valued her hunting and scavenging privileges, not to mention the laps she ran around Sanctuary every other day to keep healthy.
“You bet your fucking ass I am. You behave like some fucking teenage girl keeping secrets from her parents, you get treated like one. Jax is going to take Dwight to that shed.”
That made her jump up.
“No! Negan, you know Jax isn’t as capable as others out there.”
“I don’t fucking care. He knew about that food, too, right? This is his punishment as well as yours for not telling me about it. Now stop fucking arguing and get the fuck out before I think of something else, like demoting you, or throwing both your asses out into the fucking cold.”
For a moment she looked as if she wanted to continue fighting with him about it. Her chest was heaving and there were fresh tears in her eyes, but this time, they seemed to come from anger instead of guilt and fear. Negan’s jaw was set in a hard line and he put his hands on his hips, as if to challenge her. He almost wanted her to keep arguing so he could take his anger out on her some more. After a moment, she seemed to deflate in front of him and turned around to leave.
When she reached the door, she faced him again. “I really am sorry, Negan. You’re right. I should have trusted you more, instead of endangering everyone. I hope I can make it up to you.”
Her steps echoed through the hallway until he was left with silence and the hopes that the truck would get through to the place where she had stored the food. It would mean that they would survive this winter and Negan swore to himself that he would never rely on only one food source ever again.
It took Dwight, Jax and Gavin two days to collect the stuff from the shed and get back to Sanctuary. The rice was blessedly unspoiled and Negan wasn’t the only one who claimed to have developed an irrational distaste for it. They all kept eating it, of course, but he made a mental note about getting Marv and his crew to build those greenhouses and to look into potential fields to grow crops come spring. He also declared that the other communities would have to keep up with providing them with half their supplies. Anything to keep the risk of facing such a catastrophe again at a minimum.
Fortunately, as January ended, so did the snowfall. People were able to work outside again and the depleted supplies were restocked by his scavengers and by March, everything seemed to be back to normal, the Sanctuary standing tall and proud in the first rays of an increasingly stronger spring sun. Negan should have been elated that they had come out of their first bad winter unscathed, but the truth was that he was miserable.
While Lilly was allowed outside again, he still had not given her her responsibilities back and she had yet to be assigned to a scavenging run. Negan was still seething about her lack of trust and foresight and she seemed to react to his ongoing punishment with icy cold glares and that was only when she wasn’t avoiding him as much as possible. He had kept her slip-up a secret from the other Saviors so as not to add insult to injury for her. However, he couldn’t help but think that grounding her had been just as much punishment for himself as it had been for her.
He missed her. He missed her easy smile and her flirty wit and the way she had never shied away from touching his arm, or his side when she poked him, even if it had never gone any further than that. Instead, she kept ignoring him and the fact that she had become increasingly bitchy with pretty much everyone else didn’t console him one bit. He had caught himself smelling the red scarf she had given him on more than one occasion, even with her scent being almost gone from it.
Her bad mood kept coming up as a topic of conversation between his other lieutenants and he couldn’t blame them. One morning after breakfast, she walked up to their table to ask Seth for the points list to check something, doing her best to look anywhere but at Negan.
“Sorry Lil, I haven’t finished them yet. I can bring them to you this afternoon if you want.”
“Don’t fucking bother! I need them now. Why can’t any of you ever do their fucking jobs?” She ranted and the people around Negan gasped. Seth stared at her slack-jawed. He had always been friendly with her.
“Calm down! Jeez Lil, what the fuck is the matter with you? You on the rag or something?” Seth asked, clearly shocked at her outburst.
“Fuck you, Seth!” Lilly growled, her face a mixture of rage and sadness, before she turned on her heels and stomped back to the stairs and up into the Tower.
“What the hell? What was that all about?” Seth and the others broke out into incredulous whispers.
“Don’t know, don’t care,” Negan declared before standing up to leave for his office. He didn’t want to be around while his lieutenants kept speculating about the source of Lilly’s abysmal mood. Although he silently agreed that her reaction had been extreme and more than just a little out of character.
He spent the rest of the morning pouring over schedules, inventory lists and scavenging plans and it all made him even more acutely aware of Lilly’s physical and mental absence. He really could have used her help in all of this. His pride forbade him from making up with her just yet, though, even if his callous comments added even more fuel to the ever burning rumor mill at Sanctuary.
He was just about ready to throw the papers that were scattered all over his desk to the ground in one sweep of his arm, when a knock on his office door distracted him from his ever-growing frustrations. He called for the person on the other side to come in, thinking maybe it was Dwight with another list of stuff people needed, or maybe a wife to complain about the lack of makeup in inventory. He was therefore surprised when it was Lilly who walked into the room. He briefly debated whether he should feel happy or annoyed about her turning up. He settled for happy, only to turn to concerned when he finally got the first chance in weeks to properly look at her. She was ridiculously pale, her skin carrying a green tinge and a thin layer of sweat was visible above her white lips. Something was very clearly wrong and he felt the strong urge to walk around his desk to help her sit down and to cover her with his jacket.
“Negan, I… I need to talk to you.”
36 notes · View notes
shirtlesssammy · 7 years
Text
Monster Movie: 4x05 Recap
Natasha would like to preface this recap by falling to the floor like a fainting Elizabeth Taylor and wailing, “You TOLD me I would love doing a Ben Edlund recap this summer. You TOLD me and you were right. DAMN you, you were right!”
Welcome to season four, and welcome to where we really start to see Ben Edlund shine and push the boundaries of this show!
With the cacophony of classic monster movie string music and the black and white fog setting the tone, we open to find Sam and Dean driving down the road in the Impala. Lightning flashes and thunder crashes just as they drive by a sign indicating their latest destination:
Tumblr media
Dean hates the music in the area (that joke never gets old). Sam’s reviewing the case they came to investigate: Vic with a gnawed on neck, body drained of blood, and a witness who swears it was a vampire! Case closed? Sam’s thinking about the end of the world but Dean’s thinking about just today, and today they can chop off vamp heads. “It's about time the Winchesters got back to tackling a straightforward, black and white case.” Lolz.
Sam and Dean make it to the town, which happens to be celebrating Oktoberfest. Dean tells Sam that they have to go see the new Indiana Jones movie, but Sam already saw it; Dean was in hell. Boris wonders who got the better deal. (Ouch, I just hurt myself. Dean’s been out of hell 10 years but it’s still too soon to joke.) Dean’s easily distracted with a big pretzel so no hard feelings.
Tumblr media
While Dean spots a friendly waitress, Sam spots the local sheriff, and they head to get the lowdown on the case. They head to the morgue to view the victim, and the giant fang marks on her neck. Dean also asks about the witness, Ed Brewer. The sheriff admits he’s not what one would call “reliable”.
The boys then head to the local pub to locate Ed. They find Jamie, the waitress Dean made eyes with earlier. Jamie admits that they don’t come off like feds. Dean reassures her that he’s a rebel.
Tumblr media
Cut to the boys interviewing Ed, who’s indulging in a very large stein of beer. He’s the town joke; no one believes him. Sam and Dean reassure him that they know crazy, and want to hear his story. So he spills. Walking home from the bar, he noticed the assailant attacking the victim. He was a vampire: fangs, slicked back hair, and cape..and accent. Dracula through and through. (Can the music be any more spot on?)
Jamie and her fellow waitress, Lucy, talk about crazy Ed. Lucy blots her lipstick on a napkin. After interviewing Ed, Dean heads to ask Jamie for a beer, and Sam notices Lucy’s cast off napkin. The brothers agree that it’s not really their case, but Dean insists they enjoy Oktoberfest anyway.
They settle into a booth and Dean requests a beer from the bar wench. Jamie complies but doesn’t bite when Dean asks when she gets off (she’s no Mandy!) Dean admits to Sam that “it’s time to right some wrongs.” He came back from hell with no old scars. He’s been re-hymenated! With an eye roll, Sam calls it a night and Dean asks Jamie what her plans are, but she declines. Dean lets her know that they’re probably not staying on the case --it’s not weird enough.
Cut to a full moon and two younguns swapping spit in a car. The guy is being a dick, so he’s thankfully sucked from the car by a hairy armed werewolf.
Later, the brothers interview the girl, Anna-Marie, about what happened in that car.
Tumblr media
Dean asks for a description of the creature. She’s adamant that it was a werewolf. Between sips of her Mega Big Gulp, she describes in detail what that werewolf looked like.
In the morgue, Dean wonders what the hell’s going on in this town. It seems like it was a werewolf, but the heart was left in the vic.
Back at the pub, the brothers discuss the odd turn the case has taken. It’s like a monster movie mash-up. Jamie brings the boys another round of drinks and makes plans to meet up with Dean later that night.
Tumblr media
LOOK AT THIS BEAN! Is there meta for just this episode? I mean, we’ve got all his coping sublimations: alcohol, food, and sex. He’s fresh from hell, and NOT DEALING.
At the Canonsburg Museum of American History, a guard is on the phone inquiring about an odd delivery. Suddenly the sarcophagus opens and a mummy emerges! The guard starts shooting the monster, but ends up on the strangled end of that monstrous roll of toilet paper.
Later, while the sheriff’s department takes care of the deceased, Sam and Dean analyze the sarcophagus. It was from a prop house in Philly, and it had prop dry ice in it. They’re dealing with a monster with a good sense of showmanship. Sam finds the whole case stupid, and Dean realizes he’s late for his date with Jamie.
Having waited too long for Dean, Jamie takes off walking through the foggy late-night streets. A flutter of wings (different from angel wings), Jamie turns to find Dracula. “Good evening.” Jamie takes off running (or slow movie running at least), until she’s cornered. Dracule insists he must have her, but she sprays him with pepper spray and makes her getaway. “Son of a …”
Jamie runs into Dean, and he sees Dracula in hot pursuit. “Son of a bitch.” Dracula is offended by Dean’s language. “Okay,” Dean responds, and promptly punches him. Dracula gets the upper hand in the fight though, and just when all looks lost for Dean, he rips at Dracula’s ear, and it comes off. Dracula runs away, with Dean in hot pursuit.
Tumblr media
Dracula jumps a fence that Dean can’t make, and makes his getaway on a scooter.
Tumblr media
(Boris may be going a bit overboard with the gifs)
Tumblr media
Sam finds Dean and Jamie in the closed bar and Dean greets him by asking Sam to touch the ear he ripped off of Dracula. Nice to see you too, Dean. There's a reason though. Our beautiful, tactile-oriented Dean realized they were hunting a shapeshifter by the feel of the ripped off appendage. Furthermore, he managed to nab Dracula's medallion and discovered that it was also from the same prop shop as the mummy's casket.
“You guys are like Mulder and Scully or something? The X-Files are real?” Jamie asks after watching the exchange. Yep. Pretty much.
Sam uses his giant brain to deftly figure out the mode and motive behind their beast. The shapeshifter seems to be morphing into his favorite horror characters to act out fantasies, and the shifter calling Jamie 'Mina' and Dean 'Mr. Harker' are clear references to Dracula's love interest and competition.
Dean asks if anyone strange has come to town and Jamie scoffs at the question. Dudes. It's Oktoberfest. Who isn't here and being weird? Jamie does recall Ed, however. He moved to town just a month ago and Lucy swears he's sweet on her. He's the projectionist at the old movie theater in town. Dun dun DUN! Sam heads off to scope it out while Dean stays behind and guards (or “guards”) Jamie at the bar.
Tumblr media
Jamie wades her way through the OMG-monsters-are-real-what-is-life-even victim arc. Also, Dean's not really FBI, right? “Not so much,” Dean admits. He does, in fact, drive around the country killing monsters.
“Wow!” Jamie exclaims. “That must suck.” (Cue record scratch.)
“The last few years it started weighing on me. Of course that was before...” He tells her he had a near death experience but now life's been different. He realizes he helps people. He saves them. “It's awesome,” he says – not convincing me AT ALL. “Like a mission from god,” he says with tones of distaste. However, while he's starting to spiral down the manpain drain, Jamie cagily asks if that means he's celibate because otherwise...wink wink nudge nudge say no more. Dean snaps out of his introspection quagmire and leans in for the kiss...
...Which is rudely interrupted by Lucy switching on the lights and rummaging around at the bar for a bottle of booze. Omigod did she interrupt? She falls over herself, embarrassed, but Jamie invites her to join herself and Dean for a drink. Dean is thrilled at the prospect of hanging out with two best gal pals. Platonically.
Tumblr media
Sam heads into the heavily retro movie theater. Old horror movie posters line the halls and Sam advances into the theater as gruesome horror music swells. Look out, Sam! Your hair is too long! You're now the delicate maiden in this horror plot.
Tumblr media
The organist plays on, nothing but a terrible shadow projected behind the silver screen. And then Sam bursts in on him just as he switches to a light Calypso tune. Ed, our mysterious organist, cowers under Sam's gun. Sam tries to rip off his ear and fails. Wow. That’s a test for shapeshifter he's never tried out again. Once burned, right Sam?
Sam: It's supposed to come off.
Ed: No, it's not.
Back at the bar Jamie and Dean are getting wasted while Lucy looks on, amused.
Tumblr media
Dean realizes he’s been roofied, stands up, and punches Lucy. She looks up from the floor and shoves her jaw back into place while Dean demands to know what she put in their drinks. And then he collapses to the floor unconscious, the precious angel.
When Dean wakes he's dressed a loose white shirt and lederhosen, and strapped to a wooden slab with metal bars. Très Frankenstein chic! (Side note: don’t think about how creepy it is that our shifty shifter likes to use people as dress up dolls. DON’T think about it.)
Tumblr media
Dracula swans in. It turns out that “Lucy” was modeled after “bride number 3 from the first film.” Dean laughs, utterly captivated by the utter weirdo monster case they've managed to land. Dracula swans across the floor to argue with Dean about movies. “I am ALL monsters,” Dracula announces. And in his movie, the monster gets the girl and Jonathan Harker gets zapped with a gazillion volts of electricity.
Dracula slowly and dramatically reaches for the switch while Dean struggles. The music builds and builds and...the doorbell rings. “Ah! Zat is zee doorbell!” he might has well have said, lifting his cape over his nose and flying away upstairs. Well, he does actually do the latter and Dean's life is spared for another few minutes.
Tumblr media
Dracula throws open the door theatrically. It's the pizza guy! “Tell me,” he asks. “is there GARLIC on this pizza?”
“Fuck my life,” mutters the pizza guy and drives off into the sunset in search of better fates.
Sam finds his way back to the bar where he discovers the broken bottle. He's also unable to reach Dean on his cell and notices Lucy's lipsticked napkin. “Lucy,” he mutters, eyes alight with revelation.
Dracula invites Jamie to put on a Mina-like gown and then join him for...PIZZA. Jamie doesn't want to play his game though, and begs to go home. Dracula snaps and shouts in a deranged and very un-movie-like manner for her to “put on the gown.”
Sam breaks into Lucy's house cat-silently because he's Sam Fucking Winchester and stalks through the house. Jamie has donned the gown and Dracula/Lucy apologizes for scaring her. Life is too real, too brutal, without the veneer of the movies. Dracula/Lucy’s father called them a monster and tried to beat them to death with a shovel, and so they escaped into the fantasy worlds offered by movies. It's sad but Jamie, quite rightly, asks how killing people works with Dracula/Lucy’s general victim narrative. There's a noise from within the house and Jamie screams for Dean. Dracula/Lucy knocks her out and heads off to head off the hunters.
Sam finds Dean and unlocks him (though there is much merriment) and they kick their way out of the prop dungeon. They fly through weak facade walls and fight Dracula/Lucy. Things are looking bad for our heroes when the shifter is suddenly shot several times in the chest. Dracula/Lucy turns, shocked, to find that they were shot to death by Jamie's steady hand. (I mean, if you're going to subvert movie tropes HELL YEAH the heroine is gonna save herself. Dracula/Lucy dies.
Tumblr media
And so the case is concluded. Still filmed in gorgeous black and white, Dean kisses Jamie a fond farewell. She thanks them for saving her life before disappearing back into the wilds of Oktoberfest.
I Want to Quote Your Blood:
It's time the Winchesters got back to tackling a straightforward, black and white case.
Yeah, you got me -- I mean this killer's some kind of grade-A wacko, right? I mean, some Satan worshipping, Anne Rice-reading, gothic, psycho vampire wannabe.
I'm a maverick, ma'am. A rebel with a badge. One thing I don’t play by: the rules.
I have been re-hymenated.
Hey, you think this Dracula could turn into a bat? That would be cool.
And...scene.
I can't get over what a pumpkin-pie-eyed, crazy son of a bitch you really are.
You've brought a repast. Excellent. Continue to be of such service, and your life will be spared.
'Twas beauty that killed the beast.
The hero gets the girl, monster gets the gank. All in all, happy ending -- with a happy ending, no less.
12 notes · View notes