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#Business Accountant Norcross
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seoexpert1120 · 6 days
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Georgia accident law firm
Business Name: Gregory McMillan and Associates
About Us: Gregory McMillan and Associates: Your Trusted Legal Advocates in Georgia
At Gregory McMillan and Associates, we provide top-tier legal services with a focus on delivering justice for our clients in Georgia. Our team of experienced attorneys specializes in criminal defense, auto accident cases, personal injury, and DUI defense. With a commitment to excellence, we fight for the rights of our clients, ensuring that they receive the best possible legal representation.
As a Georgia criminal defense attorney, Gregory McMillan and Associates is dedicated to defending individuals facing serious charges, from misdemeanors to felonies. We take pride in providing personalized legal strategies, guiding clients through the complexities of the legal system.
For those involved in vehicle collisions, our firm excels as a Georgia auto accident lawyer, advocating for victims to ensure they receive fair compensation. Whether it’s medical bills, lost wages, or property damage, we focus on achieving the best possible outcome for our clients.
Our services also extend to being a trusted personal injury attorney in Georgia, where we handle cases involving negligence, workplace injuries, and wrongful death. We work diligently to hold responsible parties accountable and secure the compensation our clients deserve.
If you are facing DUI charges, our firm’s DUI lawyers in Georgia are equipped to challenge the evidence, negotiate with prosecutors, and seek reduced penalties. We understand the gravity of these charges and aim to protect your rights and driving privileges.
Gregory McMillan and Associates is a reputable Georgia accident law firm, offering comprehensive legal services to ensure our clients are protected, no matter the legal challenges they face. Know more click here Georgia accident law firm
Contact us today for personalized and effective legal support.
Address With Zip Code: 3295 River Exchange Drive Norcross, GA 30092
Phone: 404-328-7818
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jobkash · 25 days
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Senior Accountant
Senior Accountant – Norcross, GASenior AccountantThe Senior Accountant reports to the Controller and is primarily responsible for coordinating the daily accounting functions of the business. The Sr. Accountant’s responsibilities include performing account reconciliations, maintaining the general ledger, preparing tax returns, assisting in the preparation of financial reports, assisting with audit…
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casualsuitpeanut · 4 months
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Small Business Bookkeeping 
BEST BOOKKEEPING COMPANY SERVING LAWRENCEVILLE, GEORGIA & NATIONWIDE*** Solvbooks helps business owners make better financial decisions by providing accurate and timely bookkeeping services. We take care of the day-to-day tasks of recording transactions, reconciling accounts, and generating financial statements, so you can focus on running your business."
Founded by Gladimir Rubin in 2023, our passion is providing tailored financial, payroll, reporting, and bookkeeping services for small businesses. Our proactive approach is designed to put you in the driver’s seat, working proactively—not reactively.
Bookkeeping Analysis
Cash Flow Analysis
Profit & Loss Statement
Accounts Payable & Receivable
Reconciling Finances
Preparing Financial Reports
Payroll Processing
And More!
OUR PROCESS
WE SAVE YOUR TIME, STRESS, & MONEY!
Our expert advice eliminates the blind spots you’re too close to see and ensures you take a strategic approach to cash flow and growing your business. Your financial sustainability is at the core of all we do.
Comprehensive Audit
We begin by analyzing your current cash flow, bookkeeping practices, and areas of opportunity.
Dedicated Partner
We’re as passionate about your business objectives as you are, and we work diligently to deliver.
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Accounting services
General bookkeeping
Notary services
Payroll accounting
Tax refund processing
Account Reconciliation
Accounts Payable Processing
Balancing Checkbooks
Bookkeeping & Payroll
Income Tax Return Preparation
Ongoing Services
Payroll Processing
Payroll Solution
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LMs advisory board shares what changes you can make to unlock growth
If you're in the Pensacola area, then you have probably already experienced the need for having to remove a tree or stump or getting your tree's trimmed. The cost of tree removal varies depending on a few factors, such as: - The type of tree that needs to be removed - The size of the tree - The location of the tree - The condition of the tree Pensacola Tree Removal offers competitive pricing for our tree removal services. For a full list of services Tree removal services visit Pensacola Tree Removal Service for a fast, friendly and reliable quote that you can count on. This will help not only beautify your property but also is the safest way to do it. What’s something green industry business owners might be doing that’s holding them back from unlocking their growth? Landscape Professionals Richard Bare Arbor-Nomics Turf Norcross, Ga. “If you can afford a marketing expert, that is just about a necessity in lawn care. Having a 52-week training curriculum is a must, also. Your marketing arm might be a company or an individual, but you as the owner are probably not it! You should read good marketing books and magazines too.” Troy Clogg Troy Clogg Landscape Associates Wixom, Mich. “The No. 1 hold back in my experience is working IN our business as opposed to working ON our business. It’s so darn easy to say and so incredibly hard to get past!” Paul Fraynd Sun Valley Landscaping Omaha, Neb. “Not having a crystal-clear picture of who your target client is. It’s hard to be everything to everyone. Focus can help you grow your business faster and lower the stress of building your company.” Mike Haynes The Loving Companies Charlotte, N.C. “I believe that empowering leaders can either be both the most painful or the most powerful aspect of effectively leading a growing organization. Everything starts with cultural alignment, which begins with why, not what.” Jerry McKay McKay Landscape Lighting Omaha, Neb. “Investing in themselves either through education, peer groups or leisure travel. All business leaders need to be inspired. Find a way to do that for yourself!” Bryan Stolz Winterberry Landscape & Garden Center Southington, Conn. “Misaligning the incentives of your people and your business. The incentives you offer in pay and promotions are a clear tool for you to communicate your goals for the business. If you want to grow, design incentives to drive and reward the people who create that growth.” Industry Consultants Neal Glatt GrowTheBench Boston, Mass. “Taking half-measures on good ideas. For instance, putting an effort toward dedicated sales (good idea) but trying to pivot an existing operations person to achieve it (half-measure). Or prioritizing snow removal as a profit center (good idea) but only working on that business six months a year (half-measure). Or hiring the right business coach (good idea) but cutting the budget and limiting the impact (half-measure). If you have the right idea to get to the next level, go all in.” Marty Grunder The Grow Group Dayton, Ohio “Trying to do too much, so that you don’t do anything really well. We should all focus on our strengths as much as possible — it’s how we can be the most successful. Make sure you’re spending 80 percent of your time doing what you do really well, and delegate the jobs that don’t fall within your strengths to a team member who can do them better.” Phil Harwood Tamarisk Business Advisors Grand Rapids, Mich. “Involving themselves in tasks that others have accountability for.” The post LM‘s advisory board shares what changes you can make to unlock growth first appeared on Landscape Management.
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mi6-rogue · 2 years
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BEC Scammer Gets 25-Year Jail Sentence for Stealing Over $9.5 Million
A 46-year-old man in the U.S. has been sentenced to 25 years in prison after being found guilty of laundering over $9.5 million accrued by carrying out cyber-enabled financial fraud. Elvis Eghosa Ogiekpolor of Norcross, Georgia, operated a money laundering network that opened at least 50 business bank accounts for illicitly receiving funds from unsuspecting individuals and businesses after https://thehackernews.com/2022/10/bec-scammer-gets-25-year-jail-sentence.html?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr
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Insured your business legally by having Business License Preparation Norcross
Business is not an easy task to handle because you are running an organization under which different departments work as well and you have a responsibility for each and every department. Also you are responsible for the employment of your workers or staff too and as they are dependent on you so it is your responsibility that you think better for them and by having Business License Preparation Norcross, you can ensure your business which is not only beneficial for your business only but also for the workers and their jobs as well. As Norcross is a populated place and also very famous for business purposes so it is important that you should care about your business’s legalization as many people make a duplicate of your product by using your name and maybe you have to suffer from it too so by getting licensee you can have the authority that you can start your business anywhere.
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Business is not only for making products and selling them or deliver them to different people but also it is for human welfare that is you are making products for the public and their satisfaction is also important. Think about this that the customers are very much fond of your product ad your little carelessness by having no license of that business can be how much dangerous that is if you haven’t done anything from your side but the minor mistake of the manufacturer can lead you towards the legacy troubles and then if you don’t have a license you cannot claim for your business and then you're the business will get a seal and not only this you will lose your customers that are your traffic, their trust, and their loyalty also. How much a minor mistake can make you suffer a lot from the consequences and their bad impacts. Business is a very delicate thing and only trained people can do it smoothly without any problem.
As the trained and experts can easily handle the business same as only trained and experts who have skills and as well as experience of legal world, only they can serve you better for the Business License Preparation Norcross as because they are in the field and know the tantrums and tactics of the market and that legal world too. People can also give you or guide you fake services but you have to decide and select the one who is expert and serving in this field for years. only you can decide and select that you want either the best services with affordable budget or fake services with the expensive budget? It’s up to you how you can make the right choice by choosing the right people for such responsibility.
If you have chosen the right path and in search of experts for Business License Preparation Norcross then, you can contact the Universal Management Accounting. They are expert and can serve you in a better way.
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amgdkibraheemcpa · 3 years
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Since 2008, Amgd K. Ibraheem, CPA, provides year-round services to both individuals and businesses and gives the same attention to all clients. We offer complete accounting services, sales tax returns, payroll, business property tax return preparation, and file your corporate and individual tax returns.
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Stop Patient Accounts Bureau Debt Harassment!
Are you a victim of constant harassment from the Patient Accounts Bureau? Are you sick and tired of all the calls you have been receiving? Well, you can put an end to all that as all of these are considered to be illegal according to the Fair Debt Collection Policies Act. You have all the right to file a complaint and you can receive remunerations amounting to $1000 as well as the attorney charges. You have the legal right to stop Patients Accounts Bureau debt harassment and you can hire a trusted debt harassment lawyer to fight your case.
Who is Patient Accounts Bureau?
Patient Accounts Bureau is also known as Hollis Cobb Associate. They are a third-party debt the collection agency based in Norcross, Georgia. They are known for the issuance of credit cards and collection of debts incurred on them. They have been a party to a number of federal cases over the years. Patient Accounts Bureau has been in business for 42 years as per the Better Business Bureau.
Is the Patient Accounts Bureau a scam?
No, the Patient Accounts Bureau is definitely not a scam as they have been a leading debt collection agency for over 40 years. They are, however, known for violating the regulations of the FDCPA with the use of illegal methods of harassment for debt collection. Many cases of harassment have been filed against them over the years. There is a recent federal court case that alleges the PAB of using illegal and harassing methods of communication to try and coerce a payment.
Can the Patient Accounts Bureau sue you or garnish your wages?
No, the Patient Accounts Bureau does not have the right to make empty threats regarding suing you or garnishing your wages. They have no right whatsoever to sue you for debts that are not validated. They can, however, summon you to a court of law and if a default judgment is passed, your wages might get garnished. It is in your best interest to hire a debt harassment lawyer to fight situations like this.
Are you facing Patient Accounts Bureau harassment?
The Patient Accounts Bureau is known for using illegal methods to collect debts.
If you are facing any of the following, you have all the right to file a complaint against them and bring and stop debt collection calls for the good.
Use of profanity and abusive languages while talking.
Calls at unusual hours and with a high frequency which eventually disrupts your personal and professional life.
Your friends, family and relatives are receiving calls from PAB and they are trying to portray you as a criminal.
Threats of violence or arrests.
Telling you that you have committed a crime and threats of reporting negative credit.
No notifications regarding your rights to dispute the debts.
Attempts at collecting a greater amount than legally allowed.
These are most of the signs that show that you are being harassed by the Patient Accounts Bureau. These are illegal practices and you have the right to fight it and stop debt harassment calls forever.
How to stop debt collection calls?
It is best to file a case against PAB if you are facing any of the above.
Hiring a trusted debt harassment lawyer is the best way to go about it and stop debt collection calls from Patient Accounts Bureau.
Legal Rights Advocates, PLLC is a leading firm offering best in class debt harassment lawyers to make sure that the process is smooth and you get the desired result, i.e. an end to collection calls from the PAB.
So don’t hesitate to get in touch with us as you are not alone in this.
Review:
“With the help of the excellent attorney, I was able to bring an end to debt harassment calls from the Patient Accounts Bureau.” – Christina Wilson
“Will be forever thankful to Legal Rights Advocates, PLLC for handling my case so smoothly and with so much cooperation. Great professionals who are very good at their jobs.” –  Steve Halpert
Shared by: https://bit.ly/39PRd1j
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jobkash · 1 month
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Senior Accountant
Senior Accountant – Norcross, GASenior AccountantThe Senior Accountant reports to the Controller and is primarily responsible for coordinating the daily accounting functions of the business. The Sr. Accountant’s responsibilities include performing account reconciliations, maintaining the general ledger, preparing tax returns, assisting in the preparation of financial reports, assisting with audit…
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orbemnews · 3 years
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Senior Trump Air Force official suggested dramatically slashing F-35 jet numbers Will Roper, who served as Assistant Secretary of the Air Force for Acquisition, Technology and Logistics for the last three years of the Trump administration, recommended that Air Force Chief of Staff Gen. Charles Brown, former Under Secretary of Defense for Acquisition and Sustainment Ellen Lord, and others reduce the number of jets purchased from 1,763 jets to about 800, the officials said. Roper questioned the cost of the jet, even after former President Donald Trump touted it as “invisible” and the greatest fighter jet in the world. Instead, Roper threw his support behind the Next-Generation Air Dominance (NGAD) program, a secretive, sixth-generation aircraft designed with digital engineering, the officials said. He revealed last October at the Air, Space & Cyber Conference that a full-scale prototype had flown and “broken a lot of records in the doing.” Though the plan was not accepted the revelation come as the F-35 program faces growing scrutiny, with increased skepticism from members of Congress and suggestions within the Pentagon that all is not well with the military’s prized program. “There is recognition from everyone involved in this program — from the Air Force and from everyone in Congress — that this is a challenge. This program is not working out the way we wanted it to,” said a source with direct knowledge of the F-35 program. According to the source, an Air Force official said in a closed door meeting, “At this point, we paid for ‘outstanding.’ We got ‘very good.'” In this case, “very good” comes with a staggering price tag. The total cost over the life of the F-35 program is estimated to be $1.7 trillion, according to the Defense Department’s Cost Assessment and Program Evaluation. The vast majority of that money — $1.27 trillion — is sustainment costs, not the cost of buying the jets, but the costs to keep them flying. Any cuts would have huge ramifications The military plans to purchase nearly 2,500 F-35s in total. A reduction in the Air Force purchase to approximately 800 jets could potentially reduce sustainment costs by some $400 billion. A cut that large would affect not only Lockheed Martin, but an industrial base across the country that supports the manufacture of the aircraft. A company executive said at a House Armed Services Committee Hearing in late-April that the US supply chain is more than 1,800 companies, of which about 1,000 are small or disadvantaged businesses. Ellen Lord, the former chief of Pentagon acquisitions under the Trump administration, said there is a debate within the Pentagon about how to prioritize the mature F-35 program against the unproven NGAD. Lord was one of those in the department to whom Roper suggested cutting the Air Force’s F-35 purchase. Speaking with CNN, she emphasized the importance of the overall F-35 program, especially its interoperability with key allies and partners. “It’s important to realize the difference between one prototype that has shown potential and the ability to guarantee a product that can generate multiple aircraft per month. We must be very careful not to discard a concept that has been built up over time,” she said. “The debate is about the degree to which you can reduce the F-35 to put money into NGAD. Right now, [the F-35] is performing very, very well for the Air Force, Navy, and the Marines. The pilots love it when they go downrange.” But Lord said the sustainment costs of the fighter must come down. Air Force spokeswoman Ann Stefanek said the service is still “fully committed” to the F-35. At the same time, she said the Air Force is working to find “the fighter force mix that best meets the challenges of the highly contested environment.” “In addition to the aircraft we are procuring now, we are looking at affordable capacity and capability for the future and determining where we should invest our R&D money, using a digital approach, so we have the right fighter mix 15-20 years from now,” Stefanek said in a statement to CNN. In its latest report on F-35 sustainment released last month, the Government Accountability Office (GAO) said the program was projected to be $6 billion short in the year 2036 alone. The problem is sharpest for the Air Force, where the GAO found that the estimated cost of the F-35s was 47% higher than what the Air Force said it could afford. “The services have a plane that they cannot afford to fly the way they want to fly, at least in the long run,” Maurer said at the House Armed Services Committee hearing about the F-35 last month. F-35 program plagued by problems The program, which will mark its 20th anniversary this October, has not yet completed its testing or entered full production, despite being operational in the field, and it has been plagued by cost overruns and delays for years, including a shortage of 800 engines by 2030. Across the Air Force, Navy, and Marines, the F-35 remains well below its target full mission capable rate, which is the rate at which it can perform all of its intended missions. The Navy F-35 is fully mission capable only 7% of the time, according to the GAO. “It’s more expensive than we expected it to be. It’s taking longer than we expected it to take. The engine breaks down more quickly than we expected it to and is more expensive and time-consuming to fix than we expected it to be,” said Rep. Adam Smith, chairman of the House Armed Services Committee, speaking with CNN. “We do not yet have the full capability that has been promised in terms of what the F-35 can do.” Brett Ashworth, a spokesman for Lockheed Martin, said the company still sees strong support for the F-35. “Recently the Chief of Staff of the Air Force called the F-35 the cornerstone of the U.S. Air Force fighter fleet. The importance of the F-35 to the US Air Force was highlighted by recent deployments to the CENTCOM area of responsibility in which the Air Force flew more than 1,300 sorties, completing their mission and returning the pilots home safely every time,” he said in a statement to CNN. Dramatically reducing the purchase of the country’s latest fighter aircraft is not without precedent. In 1997, the Air Force planned to purchase more than 400 Lockheed Martin F-22 Raptors. At the time, the stealth Raptor was being developed as the most advanced fighter jet in the world. But spiraling costs led to the purchase of only 187 aircraft before the production line was shut down. The Air Force acknowledged similar problems with the cost of the F-35 in response to the GAO report. “Air Force officials told us that, as a result, the only remaining options for their meeting their affordability constraints are to reduce the total number of F-35A aircraft they plan to purchase, or to reduce the aircraft’s planned flying hours,” the GAO report stated. In January, acting Secretary of Defense Christopher Miller called the F-35 a “piece of …” and said, “We’ve created a monster,” in comments made just days before he left office. A month later, Air Force Chief of Staff Gen. Charles Brown referenced the F-35’s costs to operate when he likened it to a “Ferrari” and said its use should be moderated. Brown called to develop a “fifth-gen minus” aircraft. In March, Rep. Smith was far more blunt in his assessment, saying he wants to stop “throwing money down that particular rathole.” F-35 program has some staunch supporters Rep. Donald Norcross, a member of the House Armed Services committee, told CNN that it will be difficult to reduce the cost of a program that has completed much of its design and development, even as he called the jet “remarkable.” “The reality is that the more mature a platform is, the unknown areas where you could potentially bring down the cost narrow, and we’re facing that right now, that “We’re not going to be able to reduce cost on a mature program as much as we potentially will need to,” he said. “Unless we see substantial improvement or a pathway forward, then you have to look at what we’re able to do — what we can afford — and is there a better platform to do it with.” The F-35 program still has its staunch supporters in Congress and the Pentagon. Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin supports the “critically important program,” said chief Pentagon spokesman John Kirby Monday, while adding that the problems are being worked through. “The department remains committed to the F-35 going forward, as do many of our allies and partners.” His comments echoed those of Brigadier General David Abba, director of the Air Force’s F-35 Integration Office. “The United States Air Force is absolutely committed to the F-35,” Abba said at the House Armed Services Committee hearing two weeks ago, though he acknowledged “difficult decisions” may be ahead if the sustainment costs aren’t reduced. Meanwhile, Rep. Don Bacon called the jet “the most significant and consequential military modernization for the United States, our allies, and freedom-loving nations around the world,” adding that the F-35’s performance is “unmatched.” Rep. Blake Moore, a fellow Republican, said at the hearing, “This plane can simply not be beat.” Lord, the former Pentagon chief of acquisitions, said there is a balance between the program’s critics and its advocates. She cautioned, “We need to be very thoughtful with what one prototype has demonstrated versus what one proven aircraft can do.” Source link Orbem News #Air #dramatically #F35 #force #jet #numbers #official #Politics #senior #SeniorTrumpAirForceofficialsuggesteddramaticallyslashingF-35numbers-CNNPolitics #slashing #Suggested #Trump
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amgdkibraheemcpa · 3 years
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Need for a Tax Preparer in Peachtree Corners, Norcross, Dunwoody, Roswell, and Duluth, GA
The idea of being the owner of a profitable business is pleasing. Unfortunately, the said business owner has to remain highly vigilant and be adept at multitasking. Financial woes to the repertoire can make one feel helpless and distraught with worry. No issues! The company owner may go ahead and hire a professional to take care of all the required accounting services in Peachtree Corners, Norcross, Dunwoody, Roswell, and Duluth, GA. ​ A tech-savvy person may argue in favor of investing in accounting software. True, the results would be in place at lightning speed once quality software is used, but the user must be proficient in generating the right results. One does not have to have an accounting professional included in the company payroll. Outsourcing the services to a reputed accounting firm can be an effective solution, especially when the company does not need to avail services throughout the year. Managing one's finances does not have to be challenging when the concerned business owner obtains the assistance of an accountant with the following: Financial Services- any small business cannot afford to set up a separate Department to handle finances. The best way to deal with the needful would be to hire a professional to serve as the company's chief financial officer. It is up to the business owner to include the pro in the payroll or not. Whatever may be the decision, the CFO is responsible for analyzing the financial data recorded and monitoring the company's expenditure. Checking the company's performance and providing timely advice for cost-cutting measures and investments are part of the financial professional's duties. Preparing Financial Statements- A competent account will prepare multiple financial statements for the company each month. From keeping track of the cash flow to drawing up an income statement and preparing a balance sheet to prevent losses, such statements can enable the management to understand the company's present financial situation. The professional will also take pains to explain the details to the management, thus helping the company make the right decisions. Bookkeeping- Daily financial operations are noted and recorded by a bookkeeper. An accountant can do bookkeeping for the company alongside other functions too. Daily income and expenses are usually kept updated by the bookkeeper, who may also handle financial analysis and task reporting as and when needed. Tax Services- Almost all business entities, regardless of their size, will use the services of a tax professional when it is time to file taxes. A professional will be well versed with the facts and submit the forms carefully without any mistakes. A business entity has diverse needs with tax deductions to keep track of too. It is not surprising that a tax accountant will be able to provide the right service for a small fee. The business owner is free to utilize the time in running the company instead of worrying about an impending IRS Audit. It is also prudent to use a tax preparer in Peachtree Corners, Norcross, Dunwoody, Roswell, and Duluth, GA, to be aware of the tax burden well in advance.
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queennicoleinboots · 4 years
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The Office Got Fucked Up, part 5 (Count Macrula POV)
The title of this story was supposed to be "Office Woes, part 5," but it wouldn't be enough to cover the absolute insanity that happened in this account. So, it is called "The Office Got Fucked Up, part 5." in the viewpoint of Count Macrula.
I returned to the office to find it burning in flames. I blinked and realized the irony of this situation. Last time I checked, I assumed we were in league with the Gwinnett County Fire Department.
"Why is my office on fire?" I asked before having a full-on 15-minute laughing fit. I then decided to fly in the air, unzip my black slacks, and rain vampire lord urine on the building. It turns out that I had to urinate like a horse of the apocalypse, so my urination quenched those unholy flames.
I zipped up my black slacks and then flew down into the ashen building.
"This is my hoooooooommmmmeeeee!!!!" I shouted on baritone opera that astounded the heavens.
Nathan Explosion from Metalocalypse started riding his motorcycle through the building and starting screaming, "Awaken Awaken Awaken Awaken! Take the land that must be taken!"
"The time has come. To Awaken Him," I spoke in a death metal voice.
"Musta-krakish! Musta-krakish! Musta-krakish!" Nathan Explosion chanted.
"I call upon the ancient lords of the underworld," I spoke in a death metal voice.
"Musta-krakish!" Nathan Explosion chanted.
"To bring forth this beast and-" I started to say in a death metal voice.
"Awaken, awaken, awaken, awaken
Take the land, that must be taken
Awaken, awaken, awaken, awaken
Devour worlds, smite forsaken
Rise up from your thousand year-old sleep
Break forth from your grave eternally
I command you to rise, rise, rise, rise
Rise, rise, rise, rise
I'm the conjurer of demons
I'm the father of your death
I bring forth the ancient evil
I control his every breath
I instigate your misfortune
With the birth of killing trolls
I awaken armageddon
Feeding on a thousand souls
Awaken
Awaken
Awaken
Awaken
Awaken Awaken Awaken Awaken! Take the land that must be taken!" Nathan Explosion and I growled.
A full version of Nathan Explosion's and my duet can be found here: https://youtu.be/PcICrqowVkc
I then screamed as I mimicked Nathan Explosion, "I COMMAND YOU TO RISE!!! RISE!!!!! RISE!!! RISE!!!!" Then I said in my normal Count Macrula voice, "And awaken!"
Oh shit. I just rose the dead and brought forth a Kraken to destroy Gwinnett County. At least I know how to start a riot. The FBI will shit their pants when they see this. The riots on Capitol Hill and on Georgia's Capitol building were pathetic and pointless. 'Trumpanzees' was the correct word to describe that nonsense. I will rain dark shit on them, and my fruit will be zombies with death ray eyes.
One of those zombies was my ex-co-worker Christoff. He was a good worker one time, and then he got caught into too many accidents near I-85. Once he was traumatized from literally being a target of every disgruntled driver in Gwinnett County, he began to become disgruntled at the job. He was opening tickets instead of closing them. Needless to say, I developed laryngitis every day up to the time of his death. One would think I killed him out of frustration, but actually Ahayah struck him down just because he was so goddamn stupid.
I was traumatized seeing him again, so FOR NOW ON, THIS STORY WILL BE IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE LARYNGITIS, HERE I COME!
"THIS IS BULLSHIT!!!!!" I SHOUTED. I LAUGHED HYSTERICALLY.
"BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! THIS IS THE LAND, THAT IS PURE BULLSHIT!" NATHAN EXPLOSION AND I SANG TOGETHER.
"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!" MELISSA THE GREAT ARC ANGEL ASKED AS SHE FLEW DOWN. "I WENT ON LUNCH BREAK, AND THE OFFICE IS BURNED DOWN AND THE DEAD HAVE RISEN!!! AND WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?! YOUR HAIR LOOKS LIKE HOSS DELGATO'S FROM THE GRIM ADVENTURES OF BILLY AND MANDY!"
(I am going to pause ALL CAPS for a minute and explain that while flying through an existential time warp to get to the ruined Gwinnet County Riot Station 32, my hair had grown slightly past my shoulders and turned the color of hot blood from simply... being sick of working.)
"I BLAME ANTIFA AND PROUD BOYS!!!! AND.... come to think of it, I have no idea. I was Michael the Great Arc Angel after I was the Grim Reaper Named Mike. Then I was Count Macrula from October 2020 and was stuck in the freezer called the office. And now that I grew red hair, I am not sure. A lot has changed in the past year," I said thoughtfully as I stared at Melissa the Great Arc Angel.
"WHO ROSE THE DEAD!? YOU, ANTIFA, THE PROUD BOYS, BLACK LIVES MATTER, BEAR LIVES MATTER, DONALD TRUMP, JOSEPH BIDEN, OR NATHAN EXPLOSION? THESE ARE THINGS I MUST KNOW" MELISSA THE GREAT ARC ANGEL SHOUTED BEFORE HER VOICE WAS NORMAL. "Well, I am glad you decided to grow hair after 750 years. I have waited forever for this moment. Thank you, ...." Then she yelled again. "WHAT DO I CALL YOU?!"
"NO! NATHAN EXPLOSION AND I DID THAT!!!" I SHOUTED. "I EVEN BROUGHT CRISTOFF BACK TO LIFE! AND MACRULA IS TRANSYLVANIAN FOR MACRO, WHICH MEANS LARGE. MACRULA IT IS! THANK YOU, NATHAN EXPLOSION!" I SHOUTED TO THE HEAVENS.
"THAT'S GREAT! YOU OPENED UP 100,000,087 TICKETS!" MELISSA THE GREAT ARC ANGEL SHOUTED. "I'M SORRY. YOU CLEARING UP THE REASON FOR YOUR IDENTITY CHANGE MAKES THAT 100,000,086 TICKETS. AT LEAST YOU ARE NOT BUYING INTO GENDER REASSIGNMENT."
"IT WAS THE WILL OF THE POWERS THAT BE! I'M SORRY!!!" I SHOUTED. "AND TACO MAC WITH COUNT MACULA, JR. AND ME WAS NECESSARY! ALSO, I AM PROUD OF MY MASCULINITY. AMERICA, PLEASE STOP SHAMING MEN FOR BEING MEN. THIS WAS UNHEARD OF UNTIL ABOUT 50 YEARS AGO."
THE CAST OF PEEWEE HERMAN SCREAMED LIKE HELL. THEY WORE ZOMBIE MASKS.
"ARE YOU REALLY BETTER THAN CHRISTOFF!?" MELISSA THE GREAT ARC ANGEL SHOUTED.
WE ARE DISCUSSING TICKETS AT WORK, AND ZOMBIE ARMIES ARE RIOTING IN THE STREETS OF GWINNETT COUNTY. MELISSA THE GREAT ARC ANGEL'S PRIORITIES ARE A BIT OFF, BUT SO IS EVERYTHING ELSE. FUCK IT. I'M SICK OF WORKING! WHO KNOWS HOW MANY BUILDINGS THEY SET ON FIRE IN THE PROCESS? MORTAL RIOTS KNOW NOTHING.
"YES! BECAUSE WE NEED TO DESTROY THEM ONCE AND FOR ALL!!" I SHOUTED AS I FLEW OUT OF THE BURNT BUILDING. A PART OF THE ROOF FELL DOWN. I SLAYED THE DEAD AND SHOT DEATH RAYS AT THEM. SOME SHOT DEATH RAYS BACK, BUT I DODGED THEM.
ACTUALLY, LOWER CASE IS NECESSARY ALL OF A SUDDEN.
"Excuse me, sir. Were you formerly Michael the Great Arc Angel?" a goat who was driving a gray Gwinnett County Service jeep asked. "Where did the hair coooome from?"
"Yes," I responded. "And that is even a mystery to me. I guess hair follicles grow when you enter an existential time warp."
"Hoooollllyyyyy Shiiiiiiit. Swamp Business, part 2 is occurring in Gwinnett County Fire Station 32. Can you assist us?" the terrified goat asked us. He bleated in fright.
"Is this story supposed to be called "Office Woes, part 5 or Swamp Business, part 2? Because I think at this point it should be called The Office Got Fucked Up." I said as I blinked with my icy blue eyes.
The goat bleated.
"HOW ABOUT MICHAEL, EXCUSE ME, MACRULA THE GREAT IDIOT SUMMONED THE UNDEAD BECAUSE HE HAD A MOMENT OF DARKNESS, PART 4?!" Melissa the Great Arc Angel shouted.
She was correct. I have summoned the undead three previous times. One was when I worked for the Angel of Death as a grim reaper under the identity of The Grim Reaper Named Mike. I had a Jamaican accent then before it was considered racist. Everything is racist now, but I digress. The second time was during Halloween of 2007 when I summoned real zombies to haunt Norcross, Georgia. And the third time was during the Ferguson riots in 2013 when I summoned Nazi zombies to scare the protestors.
"Will that title fit?" I asked.
The zombies just stared at us. One shot lasers through his eyes at a pig that happened to be there. Someone's having barbecue pork for lunch.
At that point, I looked around and then had a laughing fit that was disguising the mental breakdown I was having. My mortality was real.
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Crickets with angel wings, winged zombies, bats, and locusts with human faces of those who burned in hell were flying around Gwinnett and surrounding counties for an hour. Hell truly was unleashed upon the Earth. Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones were having a field day taking asses and kicking names.
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"WHAT IS THIS MADNESS?!" Melissa the Great Arc Angel asked.
A group of pigs came back to the office before they saw zombies walking toward them with open tickets.
"Ahhhh hell nah!" the thinner pig from the break room scene in Office Woes, part 3 (?) said.
"Man, you crazy for making me work in this kind of environment!" a big black female pig said.
The pigs oinked.
"IT'S YO JOB! GET ON THE PHONE AND ANSWER DIS BITCH!" I SHOUTED.
"Boy, is you crazy? They zombies in there!" A fat pig said as she put her elbow on the window ledge of the passenger seat and looked at me with big bugged out eyes. "You look like damn Alucard from the Castlevania series on Super Nintendo, bruh! What happened to you?"
When I heard "Boy," I immediately set the car they were in on fire with my eye rays. I was going for roasted pork, but apparently, I had to wait.
The Apparently Kid from Youtube yelled "APPARENTLY!" at the other kid who looked like a zombie and liked turtles. YouTube and children make a funny combo. They are much more interesting than arguing with a bunch of big female pigs that only Gwinnett County had the AUDACITY to hire.
"Okay! Okay! Okay!" the pigs said as they squeezed out of the car and went to their desks. "Excuse me! Excuse me!" They shouted at the zombies.
One of the zombies bit the biggest pig on the ass.
I whispered to the goat, "All we need is barbeque sauce."
The goat laughed. "Exactly! Are you ready for Swamp Business, part 2? Gwinnett County Fire Station 32 is in some deep shit right now."
"I KNOW THEY BE ZOMBIES WALKING ROUND YOUR HOUSE!!! They walking around our office. One just ate a goat for real... I DON'T KNOW. Read the Bible OUT LOUD or somedin," one of the pigs said over the phone as she bobbed her head back and forth. She looked like a bobble head toy that sits on the dash of the car. The pigs Gwinnett County hires, I swear. I need a new position ASAP.
I looked at the goat and said, "Hell no. I was recently at the STUPIDEST party and got stuck in a freezer for a few months prior because the office put me there, and I haven't recovered from the mental stress and agony of GROCERY shopping in 2020! I'm just being honest." I laughed so hard. Holy Shit I'm almost human at this point...maybe. I flapped my black wings to validate my existence as a dark angel. This Earth is too much. I wonder how my parents remained the angels they were. My dad was a human before my parents met.
--------------------------------------------------
I stepped out of the story and into a faded black backdrop scene to destroy the fourth wall. I used my sword and hacked and slashed for ten seconds before I composed myself.
"Number 1, Section C, Subsection 1a, Clause 43: Never, never, never make parents main or even minor characters in stories unless they have one line or less. Unless the stories fall under a sub category of Clause 44, which states, "This story is relevant to certain kinks which require parenthood or a parent ROLE. DDLG and ABDL to name a few." OR Subsection 1b, Clause 27: THEY ARE OFF THE RECORD!" I spoke before taking a breath. "I WILL NOT PARTAKE IN THOSE STORIES!!!! EVER!!!!... And if I do, they will be off the record." I smiled a huge smile.
With that note, I returned to the story after a giant rule book fell from the heavens and squashed me.
--------------------------------------------------
I saw Melissa the Great Arc Angel organizing the zombies into a "Zombie Lives Matter" riot, call it what it is, and marching toward Martin Luther King Boulevard and Ponce De Leon Avenue while shouting "Braaaaaains." Yes, Georgia, you need brains. And I need to get the fuck out of Georgia. She played Latin American music as she and the zombies marched and danced.
The goat waited for me. "Have you composed yourself?"
"Yeah. These crazy angels made me work in a burntass building with zombies. Thank GAAHHDD, the female crazy angel organized the zombies into a riot to go to downtown Atlanta. This be cray! The FBI gonna have they hands full with that!.... Mhhhhhmmmm!!! Russia and China got plenty o'time to come up in here and starting takin' over shit. These motha fuckas in this country be stupid as hell man!" a thinner pig said over the phone as she bobbed her head and laughed loudly.
She had a point. I'm letting the FBI deal with that shit. Fuck all of that.
"Hang on, goat. I have not fully composed myself," I said as I went to the burnt ashes that used to be my office. I sang an angelic song about resigning from this God-Forsaken job to the Heavens.
The face of Ahayah shown through the clouds. He spoke in a language that only angels and very few humans knew. He said something that could be roughly translated as, "Duly noted."
A horde of zombies started eating the flesh of one of the goat secretaries.
She screamed and bleated, "I SHOULD HAVE QUIT MY JOB LAST WEEK WHEN I HAD THE CHAAAAAAANCE!" Her hooves were in the air, and she was begging Ahayah to take her soul to heaven with him.
He took her soul to Heaven. Fly on, great goat woman. Her soul bleated in happiness, and she turned into a lamb. The lamb bleated and galloped up in the sky to Ahayah.
One zombie hobbled over with the bottle of barbecue sauce I kept in the fridge for moments like this. He poured some on the goat flesh. One zombie literally began to eat her pussy. Necrophilia at its finest. Welcome to the office.
The swamp from Gwinnett County Fire Station 32 swallowed our office building after the zombies finished eating her flesh, and we entered "Doing Business As Swamp Business."
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King Joebear growled and was eating a large barbecue chicken leg. That big black bear was wearing a crown. Xara walked in the woods naked.
Should I have averted my eyes?
Zombies were walking behind her before they gang-banged her.
I guess not.
There were days I wanted to violate her temple as much as they wanted to. I never had my chance. I shall never. There is too much off-the-record material to explain my reasons. I was in a freezer, but I was not frozen. The series that will never be written: Frozen: The Non-Disney Adventures of Count Macrula and His Lengthy Visit to Hotel Transylvania in Wintertime.
"Bae Whuhh!!!!" she shouted. "Join us."
"JOIN US, BAE WHUHHH!!!" the zombies shouted.
Xara and the zombies then danced to seriously spicy salsa music.
But King Joebear's fat ass was not ready to dance to seriously spicy salsa. He was taking a shit that made even swamps smell like fresh cut roses. It seems that the sewer was flying out of King Joebear's sacred fat ass. Holy Shit that bear had a fat ass.
A young black and white cat named Miss Oreo came storming into the swamp. Kissy, their female orange cat that grew to be twice the size she was months ago, followed Miss Oreo. Garfield's soul had just left his body to be with Ahayah.
Kissy introduced me to being part of this Swamp Business.
I screamed and brought more humidity upon them. A wall of rain fell from the sky.
"Hoowoo Bae Whuhh you sexy!" Xara said. At that moment, she started her period. She had swamp vagina. She needed business more than ever. "BAE WHUHH!!! I NEED BUSINESS BAEWHUHH!!!"She was also crying because she missed Garfield.
"Kissy! Kissy!" King Joebear said in a low melodic voice. "I need you, Kissy Kissy."
Kissy ran over there to lay with him. Oh Shit! They were about to cry.
King Joebear called to his wife, "Bae! Come lay with me!"
Xara laid with her bear. A barbeque chicken pizza fell out of the sky. Her bear ate pizza. She ate pizza.
Count Macula, Jr. walked over to them while he was eating pizza. He was still a forever young white cub. Apparently, he was also in a freezer.
The Apparently Kid from YouTube yelled "APPARENTLY" before the remaining cast of PeeWee Herman shouted while wearing zombie masks.
A YouTube ad was shown on one of the trees in the swamp. The narrator's voice boomed, "COMING SOON, A STORY THAT WILL WARM YOUR HEART, RATTLE YOUR BRAIN, AND SEND YOU IN ANOTHER DIMENSION. DISNEY'S NEW FILM: COUNT MACULA, JR. CLIMBS A WINTERY MOUNTAIN IN TRANSYLVANIA TO FIND HIS FAMILY THAT HAD BEEN ABDUCTED BY THE FBI. HE FINDS MANY FRIENDS ALONG THE WAY, AND THEY CLIMB A MOUNTAIN TOGETHER AND FORM A BOND LIKE NO OTHER. WHAT DO THEY FIND? ONLY THE FBI KNOWS."
The video shows the title: FROZEN: COUNT MACULA, JR.'S SAGA.
The narrator continued, "COMING TO A THEATRE NEAR YOU. Youcanonlyenterthetheatreifyouhave receivedtheCoronavirusvaccine."
The ad stopped playing.
"Goddamn the FBI knows my life story. Goddamn the FBI knows my life story. Goddamn the FBI knows my life story. Goddamn the FBI knows my life story. Goddamn the FBI knows my life story. Goddamn the FBI knows my life story. Goddamn the FBI knows my life story.
Goddamn the FBI knows my life story.
Goddamn the FBI knows my life story," Count Macula, Jr. said in his high-pitched Southern accent as he sat down and ate his pizza. "I didn't take the vaccine, so I am not making a dime off of it. They're a bunch of crooks in the Beast system. They will go to Hell for this. They will go to Hell for this. They will go to Hell for this. They will go to Hell for this. They will go to Hell for this. They will go to Hell for this. They will go to Hell for this. They will go to Hell for this."
A super hot curly-haired woman with green eyes and glasses was also eating pizza, but she was dancing in ballet style around in a purple form-fitting crop top and a pink bekini. The bottom of her supple C-cup breasts would show when she jumped in the air. She was 7'4" and looked like an Amazonian woman. I have a boner. She was a perfect hour glass figure, AND I WANT TO VIOLATE HER OVER AND OVER!!!!
Bruce the Ace of Brake-fixing and Megara were also eating pizza. They had three female cubs. He sang opera as entertainment for dinner. I sang with him because his voice moved my soul like wind blowing through the trees. He brought life to an otherwise soul of death and destruction. He could be a bear angel, but he has never asked for physical wings or powers.
Paul the Goat rode Hollywood while they both ate pizza.
Kissy, a large orange female cat, then ate Xara's pizza crust and meowed as though she were a wind-up toy. It was the longest and most beautiful meow I had ever heard. I was honored to hear it once more.
Her meow called upon me. THAT'S MY CUE!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------I descended from the Heavens as quickly as I could. Nothing in my life was more urgent than answering the call of that beautiful, angelic meow. KISSY! I COME TO THEE!
Count Macula, Jr. blinked as he looked at me and took a bite of his pizza. "Apparently we have entered Heaven. This pizza tastes like Heaven. Excuse me. I have a cub call to make. I have a cub call to make. I have a cub call to make. I have a cub call to make. I have a cub call to make. I have a cub call to make. I have a cub call to make. I have a cub call to make," he spoke before he growled a great cub growl eight times.
Bruce the Ace of Brake-fixing did some vocal exercises before he, too, joined in bear chorus.
King Joebear growled in bear chorus before Miss Oreo stole a bite of pizza from him. "OREO, lay down!" he growled at her. Miss Oreo stared at him before she continued to chew.
Paul the Goat bleated before Hollywood neighed loudly.
The super hot curly-haired woman with green eyes and glasses started to bleat before she looked up at me and asked, "Who the hell are you?"
I spoke with vigor, "I am Macrula, a dark angel with regrets, angel wings of redemption, and have traveled across many planes of existence. A cat called upon me. What shall she have me do?"
I have a boner. I could not describe how much I wanted to pull that Amazonian woman's long brown curly hair and use it as a handle to yank her pussy back and forth on my cock. GODDAAMN!!!!!
Kissy looked at Miss Oreo. Miss Oreo looked at Kissy. They were confused cats.
I spoke again, "I heard a cat that sounded like a wind-up toy." Then I thought, 'And if I am not careful, I will defile this woman in front of you kittens.'
Kissy looked at me and meowed again. "Sorry about that. I was excited about pizza crust. When I eat pizza crust, I'm in heaven. Thank you for coming."
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vicostoness · 5 years
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New Article Reveals the Low Down on Home Renovation and Why You Must Take Action Today
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