#But able-bodied ppl live in their own fucking world of 'I can see it so I'll assume everyone else can too'

[tirfpikachu]

are we just crazy or are lgbt spaces getting legit deranged?????

every unusual experience of sexuality/gender is a valid part of the bootiful qweer biodiversity of the world by default, but you can't be gay/bi/trans and not want to be called the q slur or see cishets say the q slur. and you can't say that you're afab4afab or amab4amab, that's just a creepy bigoted fetish you freak. unless you're transmasc4transmasc or transfem4transfem ofc, you get a free pass. but also kinkshaming is evil and deeply harms the most marginalized. but also make sure you don't have a fetish about genitalia... if you do, it's a "preference" not an inborn trait and you really can therapize yourself into liking it, just try hard enough. if you fail to you're a bigot, so just keep trying!! make sure to feel guilty abt it at least, you dirty homo. but getting beat up can be a cool sexual thing and bestiality or noncon is fine. but actual genitalia "preferences" are bigoted. if you don't call the genderqueer person pansexual instead of bi they'll chew their own arm off and hit you with it and call the cops but don't say you're a female trans man or that you're a trans guy lesbian or link it to being a female homosexual in any way ever okay?! you can't be at peace with acknowledging your sex/agab as a trans person!!!! or feel a connection to lesbian spaces as a trans man or gay male spaces as a trans woman!!! that's BIGOTRY and that's just feeding terf cunts you dumb theyfab. you can't link your cis womanhood to being afab AT ALL either bc that's transmisogynistic and dangerous rhetoric but every other group of gender marginalized folks can define their own identities and have a billion microlabels. you can't say you're not into girldick because not all trans women have dicks dumbass, surgical vaginas are defo the exact same as bio vaginas anyway so if you only like afab pussy & afab bodies you're a gross pervert mocking bottom surgery. and someone's upbringing as a male/amab or female/afab person definitely isn't a huge part of why homosexual ppl are into the same-sex/agab so you shouldn't give a single shit if a transbian flirting with you hasn't grown up facing misogyny or going thru afab/female body struggles or any of that, that has NOTHING to do with lesbianism between female ppl and has no bearing whatsoever on attraction you absolute psychopath. sexes/agabs is just a mix of detached body parts and you can play mr potatohead with it all and if you glued it good enough homosexuals wouldn't be able to tell at all that he used to be a mrs potatohead!! so they'd still hit that, right? homosexuals will go for anything anyway right?? homosexual love obvs can't be any deeper than genitals and fetishes. amab4afab ppl can be homosexual too anyway if they pass as gay irl too so homosexual isn't even a real tangible thing anyways it doesn't involve sex/agab at all and those ppl don't get to be their own specific oppressed class and do their own activism and have agency over their own identity bc they're super privileged worldwide and the enby living as a gender conforming woman in society dating a neckbeard looking for a third is more oppressed than a visibly gnc crossdressing bio guy holding hands with his normie bf. they might be gay but they're not qweer... except to the rightwing ofc!! oh and if you're trans and recently started passing as straight you're more privileged than an afab4amab couple who's lived a hetero til they transitioned! so shut the fuck up and listen to the New Gays. don't call yourself homosexual anymore or you're a cis bootlicker and if you're transmasc you're oppressing every transfem, including ones who have never faced misogyny irl a day in their fucking life!!! just be valid the RIGHT WAY!!!!!! be more queer you dirty normie homo!!!!!!

HAHAH i love it here

[gravytrainnaturebornn]

the power of self-talk in the fight against self-sabotage (for binge-eaters and ppl who have never been skinny🫶)

disclaimer: this is not proana. this is for people who struggle with binge eating as a form of self-sabotage, emotional comfort, self harm, etc. overeating can cause just as much harm physically and mentally as undereating. please be safe. now, on with the show!

weight loss, but specifically extreme weight loss, equals change. change equals discomfort, so people tend to subconsciously avoid change. this is why starting to see progress on the scale or your body can trigger the urge to self-sabotage that progress and binge eat.

for people who have been big their whole lives, that fear is heightened by the fact that being thin is completely uncharted territory. by following through, youre entering a new world that youve never navigated before. your brain might get scared, say its much too big a mountain to climb, and tell you to give up. its easier to say fuck it because for most people, unhappiness is a comfort zone. if youre used to hating your body and wanting it to change, then actually *changing* it poses a very serious threat to your comfort and the lifestyle youre used to.

questions like: "what if i reach my goal and im still unhappy/unattractive?" "what if i dont look like myself?" "what if i reach my goal, cant sustain it, and then i gain it all back and humiliate myself?" can all make someone feel anxious about succeeding in their weight loss journey. and for people with overeating issues, this is a big trigger for binge episodes.

so how do you combat this instinct to self sabotage? well, im not a psychologist so take this with a grain of salt, but for me it helps to soothe these subconscious fears and train the brain to fight these urges. self-talk and thought-correction play a HUGE role in rewiring the pathways in your brain that lead you to bingeing. truly, practice and consistency are the only things that are going to cause a big change, so stick with it !

correcting problematic thoughts *immediately* when they form is key to preventing problematic behavior in the future, and that starts with being able to identify those thoughts. the moment you catch yourself thinking about food, cut yourself off with a correction. maybe even think about food on purpose a few times to practice recognizing and correcting it.

for example, if you just ate an hour ago, chances are youre not actually hungry yet. tell yourself that as soon as you realize youre thinking about food. i like to tell myself "i dont need to eat, and im not gonna sabotage myself by eating that." by acknowledging it and calling it what it is--literally an attack, by my brain, on my own progress--i immediately attach a sense of accountability to the actions that follow. there's no deniability. its no longer a passive choice. theres no mindless eating or "i wasnt thinking about it." if i eat after acknowledging the act of eating as self-sabotage, then that is me *actively* choosing self-sabotage over self-control. accountability alone can change a lot if you let it.

what i tell myself changes depending on the situation, but i find that repeating some of these phrases throughout the day helps to fight urges in general, and certain ones help for specific cravings and situations.

below are some examples of things i tell myself that have helped me fight the urge to self sabotage. they dont all have to be true when you first say them, the point is training your brain to think a certain way. it may feel unnatural at first, but the more you say them the more natural it becomes, until eventually it becomes apart of the way you actually think and you dont have to work so hard at it. remember: consistency. is. key.

okay ill stop blabbing! here:

•i allow myself to be thin.

•i accept the change that comes with losing weight.

•i am ready to see myself differently and cope with any complicated feelings that may come with it.

•i am prepared for my body to change.

•i will deal with my wardrobe when the time comes, and im not afraid of dressing differently for my new body.

•i will adjust to my new dietary needs and appetite when i reach my goal weight. i will not always be hungry; eating less will be my new normal, and i will be okay.

•i am not afraid of being hungry.

•food does not comfort me, nor does it solve my problems or make me feel better.

•i am ready to navigate a life that looks different to the one im living now.

•i am not afraid of reaching my goal. if i do feel afraid, i am confident in my ability to work through difficult feelings and continue towards my goal.

•im not going to sabotage myself by eating that.

•i accept that people will perceive me differently, and i am ready to navigate that change.

•i am prepared to receive comments about my weight loss.

•i am not afraid of getting what i want.

•i believe i deserve what i want, and im dedicated to working towards getting it.

•i am capable of adapting to new routines and habits.

•fear is not a reason to give up, and i will continue to work even if the possibility of change makes me uneasy.

•i am prepared to face the future, even though i do not know what it looks like.

•i allow myself to make mistakes, and i will not use them as an excuse to quit.

•my long-term satisfaction is more important than what i want in this moment.

•i am in control of my actions and i am capable of resisting the urge to binge.

•i allow myself to have the body i desire.

•i allow myself to change.

•i allow my life to look different and i am not afraid to see a new person in the mirror.

•i am excited to reach my goal, and prepared to navigate any changes that come with it.

•i am ready to meet and introduce others to the new me.

[aitsuheart]

i have this head canon for kh4 and have 0 ppl to talk to abt it ( maybe ill make a blog or write a fic ) but like riku saves sora from quadratum and since we all love angst, a part of riku saving him and bringing him back is sacrificing the memories sora has of him - so sora would come out with no memory or no relationship with Riku, but Rikus willing to do it to save sora. To do said saving Riku will have to sacrifice his body in some way ( not like lose a limb sacrifice but his body would be shattered in some way - idk i really like the idea of riku with mega scars and those scars representing his undying love for sora ) and they come out of quadratum passed tf out, everyone rushes to barely save rikus life and sora wakes up with 0 memory of him. Kairi's pissed, the king is pissed - EVERYONE is pissed like Riku cmon how could you do that to yourself and to sora but whatev , time passes on and the MoM shows up to fuck some shit up and Sora goes on another adventure ( basically what kh4 would be - travelling to worlds collecting soras lost memories ) while Riku and Mr Michael Mouse try to find a way to beat MoM. At the end of this process Sora meets up with the Radiant Garden group and Aerith - through her super magic powers - is somehow able to give Sora his memories of riku back bc Soras heart will never be complete without Riku ( def with the help of kairi - like having your past love find your true love kind of deal? ) and Soras like "Where is he, where is Riku?" and in their adventures trying to find Riku they figure out through his lineage that hes either the King of Light or the King of Kingdom Hearts. Anyway, Riku and Mickey are facing off against MoM and Riku is , stupidly, abt to sacrifice his life again for like.....everyone.....and Sora shows up like NO SIR MISTER MAN basically stops him yelling "HES THE KING, HES THE KING PROTECT HIM" and basically saves Riku like a knight in shining armor protecting his king. they realize their love for each other, destroy MOM ( through the power of true love ) and live together happily ever after. thoughts?

I definitely have some thoughts and I do love a good angst and this has it, Riku saving Sora requires him to lose all his memories of him

It's not like they already were missing in this case before he had them but by saving Sora he loses all the ones of him

And Riku would because that's how he is, he is selfishly selfless for Sora and would do anything to save him even if it means dying or risking his own happiness like in kh3 sacrifice and kh2 becoming Ansem's form to awaken Sora

Him being on the verge of death is so great to me and the others are clearly upset since he's not thinking about his own worth again and would do anything for Sora. All his scars being all the times he sacrificed for him like even perhaps in previous games such as when he took a blow during that Xemnas fight.

Sora traveling around collecting his memories of Riku sounds interesting and there's so many possibilities. There could be more parallels of what happened between them through Disney worlds as well.

Also I like the idea of Kairi and Sora past relationship mention and that she can help Sora remember Riku. Kairi probably knows what's up with them and Sora probably has no idea at this point and maybe help him realize through gaining some memories.

Riku is of course always sacrificing himself and just sees his life as not really valuable but with knowledge that he's this king Sora saves him.

Love a good knight in shining armor saving a princess, being tied to them once again. Riku needs saving, Sora is the knight rescuing him from darkness and in this case sacrificing himself.

Riku being king of light perhaps relates to royal bloodline theory?

Their love for each other saving everything would definitely something that could happen in the games since friendship and love seems to play an importance.

Some of my first thought after reading for the first time was this is really good and so terrible at what Riku did to save Sora.

I think this has some fun and interesting potential. I'll be curious if you ever make a blog or even write a fanfic about it.

[diivineray]

Okay I’ve chilled cuz now I’m thinking about xie lian in book 4/5 and DONT READ if you don’t wanna get spoiled

But like the way these two contrast each other so deeply still pains me to this day.

And the way I see and understand both sides.

Especially after you’ve seen everything Xie Lian and Jun Wu went through all to help people. And they were ungrateful. Seriously, the ppl were ungrateful little fucks.

They wanted instant gratification. Sure, fear of what would happen to them causes panic and lack of faith, but ultimately the ppl really are the problem.

One mental image I always have is how Xie Lian was using so much of his power and strength to keep that statue from falling and crushing the people beneath him. It’s not logical to expect ppl to remain calm and faces are popping up on their bodies sURE but it’s the way they screamed and cried and pulled on Xie Lian who needed concentration to be able to IDK keep them fucking alive ?? And it’s a scene that regularly pisses me off because at that moment no one was thinking ‘he’s working so hard to save us’ they wanted a solution right then and now. And again that is fair. It’s a hectic situation.

Jun Wu spending years constructing that bridge and ppl couldn’t wait. It was taking too long. They started putting their faith in other people. I’m sorry but that would be piss me off too. And the fact that their lost faith results in his weakened strength, and the moment the volcano hit and everyone suddenly starts rushing forward to be saved, with Jun Wu’s already weakened state, no one was putting faith in him in that moment. Cuz if they had, his power likely would have gotten stronger. They were only thinking of themselves and saving themselves. Naturally the bridge would break. Not only did the people lose faith in their God but their God lost faith in them.

But all I could think about is how, even in life we try and try and try to help people and often times that help gets thrown back in our faces. Xie Lian made countless sacrifices for people and it still wasn’t enough. He practically gave his body to them to stab and mutilate and it still wasn’t enough.

Because he failed, because Jun Wu failed, something that was really the people’s fault they started to be hated. Looked down on. Their temples burned and destroyed. Statues broken and ruined.

They both wanted to do good, both thought they had what it took and both flew way too close to the sun.

The reality is, you can only do so much. There is a reason God, in Christianity does not intervene. At least in my own view, one it’s just how life is. People live and people die. You can’t save everyone. And if you could, I think the balance would be thrown off. There’s a reason in time travel that bringing back the dead, changing time to bring someone back alters and messes up things.

Humans are imperfect beings. They are going to make mistakes, they are going to be selfish and cruel, and they are gonna suck. But that’s also where they are kind of great too.

The world is not black and white. Mistakes happen, but they can be fixed. And that’s the big difference with xie lian and Jun Wu. What xie lian and Jun Wu couldn’t.

Not even Gods are perfect. Hell, most of them are meant to be seen as such as a way to show humans how NOT to be.

This is also what happens when you’re placed on a pedestal. When you overplay your own hand, when you take on more than you can chew. When you don’t ask for help. When you think because you have power you can do anything. It was a humbling experience for Xie Lian.

Xie Lian had to fall, and live as the very people he was trying to save.

And why I love this book so much is that it could have went the easy route and he could have kept that determination he had in the beginning but instead we see him spiral. We see him lose faith. We see him give into temptation, do some bad things and ultimately almost act out in revenge.

And I will always love the scene where he meets the old man in the rain because that too could have been brushed off so easily.

Xie Lian was waiting for a reason to NOT unleash the plague. He laid in that crater of his, and when that old man tripped over him and spilled his rice he was rightfully upset. Cuz sir what are you doing here just laying in the middle of people’s way?

And the old man got upset with him. And xie Lian already in his head was like ‘I guess there isn’t a good person left’ like he just saw it as ‘they don’t care no one cares’ when firstly he was going about it all the wrong way.

But when that old man started talking to him after they bickered with each other, he gave xie lian that hat. And showed xie lian yes, ppl aren’t perfect but they aren’t all that bad. He had to have a GENUINE interaction with someone to see it.

That person had to be mean first, had to act accordingly, be human for xie lian to see why that meant something. He literally picked xie lian up and told him to try again and not lay in the middle of the road you silly

And that was what he needed to hear. Just ONE person. He didn’t need the world to look at him, he just needed one. And that’s where Hua Cheng’s love comes in after those 800 years.

Jun Wu, didn’t get that. He had Mei Nianqing but after he found out the truth he ran away so naturally Jun Wu is going to take that as abandonment. Which he later uses to show Xie Lian that friends don’t stay. Family leaves. No one ever stays.

And the fact that he had to manipulate things in order to make Feng Xin cuz THAT BOY WOULD NOT HAVE OTHERWISE AND I STAND THAT.

to prove to xie Lian, look see?? Even your most loyal bodyguard doesn’t want to be around you. Isolation.

But just GAH. I’m about to read tgcf cuz now I’m in my feels and ugh i love this series so much 😭😭

[zeep-xanflorp]

making sense of that's amorte bc i'm silly

ok so the spaghetti like represents a lot of things. it brings the family together despite bad things happening. it brings them joy. but then they find out that this product that is bringing them so much happiness actually comes from a direct result of unhappiness, depression, and ultimately a person's suicide. they're eating the body of a person who killed themselves. i suppose the question then is: is it worth it to continue enjoying something that makes you happy even if it's something you consider wrong? rick considers the spaghetti guilt free, so his answer is yes, prioritising his own pleasure. but morty's answer is no, and he seeks to solve it.

he wants to learn the names of the ppl he's been eating in an attempt to humanise them and get closure, but isn't satisfied even then. he goes to the funeral of their most recent victim and tells the people there about what they were doing, to get it off his chest.

interestingly, the family are more upset over not having their spaghetti night anymore than the fact they've been eating people and are angrier at morty than rick.

the government then invites morty back to the planet to get his full statement on everything he's doing. they serve him a plate of human spaghetti and tell him it's okay bc the person who it came from consented to being eaten. morty says this makes it go down easier and they realise they have a product bc of how delicious it is. they start selling it on a large scale under the brand name "morty-o's suicide spaghetti."

then this episode turns into a critique on capitalism and consumerism and potentially cannibalism? in the way it kinda explores the argument that cannibalism is the only ethical way to consume meat. the government of the world rick was stealing bodies from is now using morty to indirectly act like the frontman to advertising spaghetti as a product. this makes the planet start to commodify their ppl's pain. literally. they make ppl more miserable to cause more suicides so they can make more product to sell more money.

morty decides this is unacceptable and seeks a solution. he tells rick that if he gets help, he won't look for the moral flaws in rick's deeds ever again. rick agrees and manufactures a creature that is almost a person but is basically created just to kill themselves and become spaghetti. they seem to be okay with this option, until it's ruined by protestors and they're back to square one.

then my leadt favourite part of the episode. morty remembers rick can synthesise anything he gets a sample of which HE OR RICK SHOULDVE REMEMBERED SOONER BEFORE SO MANY PPL DIED. IDC HOW NAIVE YOURE TRYING TO MAKE MORTY OUT TO BE HERE HES FUCKING NOT ANYMORE SO ALL OF THE PPL WHO HAVE DIED IN THIS FUCKING EPISODE AFTER THE MORTY-'O'S DISCOVERY IS FUCKING ON FHEM.

but there's only one person left who would probably kill themselves and the only way they're able to convince him to follow through is to present him an opportunity to end the spaghetti trade forever. and so he agrees. he goes into a euthanasia chamber and presses a button, rick grabs everyone's attention and broadcasts this guys entire life history to everyone so they can see the intrinsic value of life, the beauty of individuality and lived experiences. then everyone's finally grossed out by the spaghetti and put off it forever. no more spaghetti.

rick points out that it's not these ppl's deaths that made the spaghetti distasteful but the complexity of life, and i think that's basically the thesis statement of this episode. that and the fact that not everything is black and white, even if morty desperately wants them to be. he learns grey areas are sometimes acceptable.

favourite scene is the ending when rick is teasing them.

idk not the biggest fan of this episode. i think it had smth to say but missed the mark. this is just me reading into everything and trying to make sense of this. fucking dark even for this show, even for my tastes.

[daz4i]

ok one last suicide post for today and i swear i'll try to be more chill after that. emphasis on try

(fair warning this is very whiny and negative) (also tw for somewhat graphic death stuff)

i am sooooo done with everything. it's nothing new, i just. can't stand being alive for even one more day. getting out of bed was so hard today bc what's even the point. and tomorrow i actually have some shit to do and i'm already exhausted. already have been exhausted for a few days. i hate routines i hate that every week is the same i hate that the only shit that can spice it up is like, medical appointments. i look at my calendar and i see i have nothing to look forward to and nothing going on besides usual shit + medical shit. and i'm tired of those too. and i'm back to being in pain every day so it feels like all the food changes i made were for nothing and I've just been extra suffering for nothing bc i'm still. in fucking. pain.

and like beyond the personal shit i'm also done with bigger stuff too! i'm tired of the war i'm tired of seeing so much suffering in the world i'm tired of seeing loved ones going to funerals of ppl in their 20s. i'm tired of people dismissing this pain bc there are other bigger issues, or because our lives don't matter bc the number of losses is lower (or bc they just fucking hate us and can't see us as individual humans rather than some homogeneous group). i'm tired of seeing ppl i love care less about other lives bc of this, too. i don't want to live here. i hate this country so much. i can't leave, i can't even manage to leave my parents' house. i'm scared to live here. i'm scared to live anywhere else bc everywhere in the world is unsafe for ppl like me. everywhere sucks. everything in the world sucks so much. anything that can be beautiful gets taken away or destroyed. the world is becoming worse every day in every conceivable way.

and there's no point to any of this! there's no point in trying to get better or to make things better!!! BECAUSE the world is going to shit!!! what's the point in me making my mental health better (an already very unlikely task to fulfill) if there's nowhere for me to live. what's the point in working in the only field i can handle if i won't be able to make a living off it. what's the point in trying to build a life of my own if it'll never really be mine anyway, bc i can't fucking do anything, i can't even do basic shit like eating or sleeping like a normal person, i can't walk or stand for too long, i can't be outside for so many reasons, i can't talk to people and i can't handle being alone, i'm always in pain and constantly nauseous no matter what i do or how i try to fix it, nothing about my body works right and especially not my brain that can't fucking do anything right and only keeps working to make everything about me worse. i wish i was brave enough to just stab myself or smth. preferably in the head so i can shut that brain up for once. i wish i was brave enough to jump off the 9th floor. i wish i could drown myself or cut myself till i bleed to death or. i don't know. i just want to die. i can't stand being alive. there is too much bad and the specks of good are so fleeting that they're not worth it, not to mention come with their own bad stuff usually. and all this. all this bad is just too much for me to handle. but it's a natural part of life that i can't avoid (tbf, most people don't staight up suffer to the point of wanting to die from like, eating or going to the bathroom, so it's probably easier for them). i was not meant to be alive i was not built to be alive i wish i died in the who knows how many times i almost did i wish i drowned as a kid i wish i bled to death when i split my head open i wish my heart actually stopped pumping blood when it almost did i wish that truck ran into me and killed me on the spot i wish the fucking terrorists shot me or stabbed me and made sure i was dead i wish those 30 pills would've actually done something. i'm so tired. i hate this. i hate being alive. i hate life itself. i'm done with everything i can't handle it anymore. i wish i wasn't a coward so i could at least try to die again. or someone was willing to kill me. or anything. i just. i can't.

[cocain3katesblog]

Ik this my Ed page but I just have to let this out there somehow. I just wanna let you the few ppl that follow me know who tired I am of fighting. I constantly have to battle my sadness and the way I do that is by not eating. I don’t eat so it can overwhelm the sadness. Everyday passes by but I still feel like I’m living the same day over and over again. I wish can’t handle this sadness anymore. I see my life from afar and I feel like I didn’t accomplish anything I feel like a background character in my own life story. How is this even possible ? I lost someone so dear to my heart and this January will be 2 years without them. I saw them struggle with feeling good down bc they were sick and I wouldn’t eat too so they didn’t feel alone in their battle. Now I can’t stop eating and think how I’ve let that person down. My own family even doesn’t like me. All the sudden they started to act like they care when that person passed. Even my own brother and father talk about me behind my back. I don’t want to physically harm myself bc I don’t want ppl to see how badly I’m struggling in the outside. I’d rather starve and suffer from the inside and slowly wither away like a wilted flower in the breeze. I hope no one finds this because I’m usually not the vulnerable type especially on social media but Ik this platform and the ppl that follow me share a similar story where it all started. I’m starving myself until I drop dead so I can just see that person again. I’m not brave enough to physically do anything to myself to end up dead so I decided to just waste away. That person was my main source of happiness and my only true friend. I can’t believe it took the passing of that persons death to realize that person was my entire world. I usually was able to sleep away the pain but now the pain has followed me into my dreams where I thought I could escape. I wake up crying or in my dreams I am crying and I can feel my facial expressions mimic crying. I don’t want help. I’m too far gone to be helped. Everyday I pray to god to just let me be free from the body and let me see that person one more time. I’d leave everything behind for that person. Every birthday wish, everyday New Year’s resolution, every night before I go to bed, I beg and plead to god to free me from this pain, this endless suffering. I told God to make that person better and I’ll do anything, anything! I’ll be a better person I’ll devote my life to the church I’ll detransition, I’ll do wtv it takes. In the end I guess my prayers weren’t heard. I cry almost everyday even when I laugh so hard I have tears running down my face for some reason I have the feeling to cry and just shut up and sit in silence. The day that person passed I looked in the mirror and saw someone else. Someone different. I didn’t recognize myself. I still don’t. I feel like I’m wearing someone else’s face. I don’t wish this on my worst fucking enemy. The loss of someone this close to you. I drown my sorrow by listening to sad music and reading poetry like Sylvia Plath and it does help for a little to know that someone in the world has felt this pain before and that I’m not alone but yet I look around and I see everything living their lives and I’m feel like I’m stuck. Maybe I deserve this torture. I put that person thru hell and back and even my own family says that I didn’t make their passing any easier. At the time I didn’t know to to express my feelings. How do you think a 15 year old highschool student is supposed to react to the news that someone you love is slowly passing away and you’re just watching? I was such a bad kid to that person and I’d do anything to have them back in my life. I want that person to hit me, yell at me, tell me how worthless I’ll be but at least I’ll that person would still be here. That person never hurt a single hair on my head and was just the sweetest soul a person can imagine. I still question why that person ? Why not me? Why did they have to suffer when I was the bad one? If I could , I’d be gone tmr but I can’t

[sorrowschengmei]

something that always breaks my heart regarding Xue Yang... how fucking beastified his upbringing made him.

this is more obvious on the episodes before Yi City like. does a dog care if other dog is sitting on him, if he's smelling like shit, if he pissed on someone's drawing [sad real story] no bc he has no concept of why those things should bother him. the idea of being offended or caring about these things doesn't exist in his world. so in these episodes ppl [Wen, Nie etc] are always pushing, manhandling, threatening, injuring Xue Yang and he's like...

... why should he care? the very concept of not liking to be pushed and manhandled and threatened and injured doesn't exist in his world. he cannot voice frustration or love or shame or any complex feeling, he can talk, but his words are always weapons or straight forward. everything in Xue Yang's world is either survival or pleasure, just like an animal.

and Yi City just destroys him bc it forces him to face complex feelings and think about things that aren't survival or pleasure. it's a constant 'Xue Yang.exe has stopped responding'

how to deal with a person that DOESN'T WANT TO KILL HIM??

how to deal with NOT BEING IN DANGER??

how to deal with COMMUNICATING FEELINGS???

how to deal with not being pushed, manhandled, threatened and injured?

everything was so new and despite that he was so EAGER... but how does one show love?? [what IS love for fucks sake?? is it something you eat??] well his lover is blind aka useless [something he probably internalised after he became disabled] so he will do stuff for him.

ppl insulted his lover?? see, he will grant the highest honour in Xue Yang's world: he'll let his lover personally kill whoever insulted him!!! murder as a love language. this is the level of beastified we're talking about. the cultivation world put humanity in a shelf he couldn't reach, so he became comfortable with being inhuman.

but he WAS human!!! he was a young man who wanted to make friends, be loved, have a family, create, study, try new things. this part always makes me sad:

look at how CONFORMED he is with being tied up and pushed around. we joke that he's into BDSM but its just the level of disrespect to his body, his boundaries and his humanity he's used to. why would that matter in Xue Yang's world?

that reminds me of a heartbreaking documentary on BR youth involved with dealing. a child tells the interviewer when asked if he was afraid of dying:

'if i die another one like me will be born. or worse, or better.'

this child died in a conflict with the police or other gangs shortly after the documentary was aired.

see, as a leftist and a Latino, Xue Yang's story hits me a bit too hard. kudos to Haoxuan who was able  to portray in a scarily realistic way someone who was denied his own humanity by society and grew up living and thinking in a way slightly more complex than a stray dog... and how said person reacted when forced to face his own humanity.

[pinkseas]

[parasocial bestie] going by quaggyday's ask if that's ok to intercept- but tbh i agree with that perspective too!! like gosh if anything it's actually a really nice depiction when it comes to defining how xiao's karmic debt works in a realistic sense. cus like, to me in my dumb poopoo terms, that karma is the residual corrupted power from the dead gods yeah? and this comes from either those that are stronger than him or not. what lumine can or cannot get rid of with her purification abilities depends too, and even for her she doesnt know the extent that this unknown ability provides since the start (since it's pretty sudden but useful trait when treating dvalin)

there's plenty of interpretations and fics that get me a lil pressed that ppl wants his karmic debt to ~~disappear completely~~ for a happy end, when how i personally see things it doesnt need to be the case bc its all about his growth. not that xiao needs to be in constant suffering when he already is, still, but that highlights so much of the importance of his support system, the people who can guide him and help lessen the pain with whatever they can manage. and it doesnt have to center to lumine too, which is another common thing that gets me a lil icky in their stories that she's the only person who can save him (and other ppl with the purification ability, which i dont need to mention who).

putting a difference of whats inside karma, between the gods power and chronic pain as an effect is super good and is what i thought of too!! and true as heck that it's something xiao's body has been accustomed to and even if the corruption chips away bit by bit, it doesnt completely rid of whats already damaged and even then, healing comes so slow for an adeptus. especially if the source being dead gods of higher power. this is something his siblings couldnt overcome long enough in their lifespan, and what xiao is still trying to push back (or accept it, and in turn he suffers more of its effects). so like!!! it just makes sense this way imo

i love pondering of his karmic debt being a metaphor of chronic illness cus man is he fighting so hard for it, and the clock always ticks down for him faster than anyone, even as an immortal. which is sad as hell, and we all copiums together how to at least make it a lil easier for xiao yknow. explodes too

"when it comes to defining how xiao's karmic debt works in a realistic sense" real!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! god and with lumine not knowing the extent of her own ability,, and yeah no like. in my perfect world the karmic debt is very under control and no longer agonizing or life threatening but i dont think i could ever believe it going away Completely, and i think that if it DID vanish completely itd be a huge disservice to. everyone involved, xiao included. no he does not deserve to be in pain 24/7 but this is something hes willingly accepted and carried with him for so long, something he probably feels has shaped him, i just. idk itd feel so fucking Weird for it to just magically be completely gone ?? it does something and sends a message i cant figure out how to put into words, as opposed to being able to live with it and in spite of it and show that you dont need to be ""cured"" just to be able to exist and be content and supported and loved.

"the clock always ticks down for him faster than anyone, even as an immortal." IM GOING TO SOB THIS HITS SO HARD AND HURTS SO BAD GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDD what if we exploded Together. what then.

[darkiris-bloodmagic]

My thoughts on finishing the Cazador fight & completing Astarion's personal quest (TW abuse/murder/SA)

Oh my gods. What a fucking ride.

While I knew overall how things were going to go, I kept myself mostly spoiler free & I'm so glad I did. I had no idea he was going to let loose and then sob like that & I was sobbing right with him.

Trying not to down play my own abuse in typing this out, because its still pretty mild in comparison to a lot of other abuse other ppl faced at the hands of this person, but it's mine & it was horrible & I experienced it. And I know this to be true because I knew exactly what that driving feeling Astariom had was. That scream. Those knife motions. For a moment, he had control & it didn't feel anything like he thought.

I want my abuser dead & I wish I felt worse saying it. But I don't. I know his life would be best served in the ground. Nothing he has done or will do will ever change this for me. So, watching Astarion drain the life from Cazador was a catharsis. One that I didn't realize I needed myself. I know it's a fantasy & a chance I'll never get, nor is a position I'd want to be in. So I watched him stab his master. And I cried. And I cried. And I remembered that in 1 year, 7 years will have passed since we last touched, and the skin cells that my abuser knew are no longer on my body.

In a year, my skin won't know any of him. And for me, that's when I'll be free. My own personal Cazador will be vanquished.

Despite the fact that 7 years have almost passed, I still get ghostly moments where I can feel his handprint he left on me. I can still remember his weight on top of me after telling him to put protection on & refusing. I remember being treated like a toy that was only available to be used & not loved completely. It left me with hypersexuality that ruined relationships after he left. And then the lack of sexuality I have now as a result that is ruining more.

The lies, the sneaking around, holding him sobbing after HE confessed to cheating on me. I remember all of it, and the things I don't remember are for the better. And I wasn't even his worst victim. I was the one he used to make others' lives worse. In my eyes, I was Astarion because I was the blueprint, the experiment, the pet, the "best" he's ever had, and that was the thing that kept me coming back begging for scraps because I didn't know what else genuine love was at that point. I was just 18 and 19 years old, and even though we were the same age, it was old enough to know it was wrong. He always knew it was wrong.

My love, my darling pale elf, you've shown me what living with the weight of these memories can do to someone and how we can overcome them no matter how long it's been.

Neil Newbon is a treasure, a gift to the fantasy world, and to see other victims being able to tell their stories in such creative ways is fulfilling. While he was never entitled to share his story, the fact that he has been open about how these are his own emotions and experiences he's pulling from means the world.

We make our own choices now. It doesn't matter if they're good or bad. It's ours to make.

[willoftrees]

i haven't talked much about my past on here because it's kind of... rly triggering stuff and i genuinely believe that a lot of ppl were driven away from ever even interacting with me because it's all i used to talk about

but i think i rly need to vent about this stuff so... tw: mention of CSA and grooming below.

it's really tough for me to feel okay when i struggle so much with sexual stuff and my partner

for the most part we are okay, things are the best they have ever been - but his ED issues really hit me hard, because of how we have to be sexual. idk if it's due to how rocky our early relationship was or if it's just him or me, idk -

but it really fucks with me how i was brought into this world, groomed as a young child to be a sexual object - to where i felt that if at the end of the day i had no sexual interaction with someone, that i had somehow failed that day - it was so bad that i did embarrassing things unaware people could even see me - and here i am now unfuckable

i just hate that i was groomed, made to be such a sexual creature, and i can hardly satisfy my partner. i feel gross and unloveable, untouchable, and like i'll never be able to take full charge of sex for myself because of these things. as much as i wish to and need to be able to fully explore sexuality as an adult so i can fully OWN it, i am stuck being unable to meet people, unable to make friends, and with the kindest partner i could ask for yet he goes soft every time we try to fuck, and we always just finish ourselves off. I love that we CAN have sessions where we just enjoy seeing each other get off, but it still hurts that i was groomed to let others use my body, and yet, my body apparently makes my partner soft. I just feel like a disgusting unloveable ooze of a mess, despite how much he reassures me or anyone else tells me i am hot. It all feels performative.... i hate so much that i was groomed, and yet it feels like no one wants me. like i was made for something that i will never be enough for or live up to. everyone else out there fucking each other and having such a good time with it while i am out here being a cretin.

[dont-reblog--i-moved]

I lied on my resume turns out the only skill of mine is how unbelievably quickly I can go from bragging abt not having meltdowns to having a fullblown meltdown. :/

[peachycheol]

| lost in translation |

➸ summary: jeonghan asks you to translate some of his fans’ comments, but you hadn’t expected them to be so... dirty.  ➸ genre: pwp  ➸ pairing: idol!jeonghan x english-speaking friend!reader ➸ warning: dirty talk, oral sex (m. and fem. receiving), face fucking, deep throating, cum swallowing <333, **the italicized comments are in english**  ➸ w.c: 2.6k

➸ author’s note: hi i’m alive!! i’m so sorry to have kept you all waiting for so long, but i kinda just lost my mojo for a little bit 😔  but worry not- i have experienced a reawakening and i am now more of a whore than ever so hopefully i can get back to posting more. i have a lot i have planned out, but i wanted to get a quick fic out to y’all as a BIG THANK YOU bc i reached so many milestones while i was gone 🥺 🥰 💕  i love you guys and i’m really glad ppl are reading my fics haha

this fic is based on the infamous jeonghan gym video, y’all know the one (thank you to @haechanblr​ for reminding me of it and helping me with this fic i love u so much!!). i was actually in the middle of writing this when hoshi decided to post his own gym video and PHEW. JEEZ. I’M STILL RECOVERING. anyway, i hope you guys enjoy this one bc i really enjoyed writing it 💖 🍑 

[ foreversvt ] commented: I AM ON MY KNEES  [ yoon1004 ] commented: is it jeonghan’s birthday or is it mine [ happy bday angel! ] commented: YOON JEONGHAN ???? [ twinkluvr69 ] commented: grrr wanna slurp those noodle arms like spaghetti 

You continue scrolling through the comments left underneath the video, trying to keep your face composed as you come across more and more explicit reactions from fans all over the world. Seokmin had uploaded the video to Weverse as an innocent birthday prank for Jeonghan, but he probably had not anticipated just how horny their fans could get over a seemingly harmless video of Jeonghan doing some leg presses. To be fair to the fans though, you yourself had watched the clip several times and you would be lying if you didn’t say you were… affected. 

“Well? What are they saying?” Jeonghan leans over to watch you scroll, and you are acutely aware of the warmth of his arm pressing against yours. The two of you are sitting on the floor of  your living room with your backs resting against your couch, hanging out after a small birthday dinner with some of his other friends. As one of Jeonghan’s english-speaking friends, he had asked you to help him translate some of his birthday wishes before his day ended, though you’re not sure how to tell him that his fans are not exactly sending in wholesome professions of love. 

Instead, you decide to try giving him some tamer versions in the hopes of satisfying him before you get to anything too blunt. “This user says you have noodle arms, but I think they like it so it’s okay.” 

“Hey! I’ve been trying my best to get thicker, but not all of us can be born beefed up like Seungcheol.” 

“You asked me what they said!” you laugh. “Most of these are just birthday messages anyway-- I’m sure you don’t need me to translate ‘Happy birthday, I love you!’ a thousand times.” 

“Yeah, obviously I understand the more common phrases, but there’s so many that I don’t understand today for some reason!” Jeonghan huffs, then points to a comment that you had purposefully hid under your thumb. “Like okay, what’s that one say?” 

[ seungcheolswife ] commented: wow the way this video made my pussy clench,,,, 

“Uh,” you start, already feeling your ears go warm. Should you just lie? It’s not like he would be able to tell, right? You and Jeonghan are close, but not so close that you can just say these things to him. Especially when this comment may be hitting a little too close to home for you. Even now, you remember the bolt of arousal that shot to your pussy the moment you  heard Jeonghan’s first grunt of effort. You bite your lip. No, Jeonghan really didn’t need to know about that. “I-it says something like ‘you made their heart flutter’.”

“Wait.” Jeonghan takes a moment to scan your face before his eyes narrow at you suspiciously. You give him your best innocent smile, but you already know he’s caught you. You had always been a shitty liar. “What does it really say? Is it bad?”

You sigh. Of course he hadn’t bought it. “No, it’s not bad. I just don’t know if you want to hear stuff like this…” 

“Well now I have to know. Tell me exactly what it says.” 

“E-exactly?” You meet Jeonghan’s stern gaze and you know that there’s no convincing him otherwise. What Jeonghan wants, Jeonghan gets. “I-it says that the video made their p-pussy clench.”

After several beats of silence, you look over to Jeonghan to see he is completely unaffected by the comment. Or maybe he is. His eyes glint mischievously in the light when he responds.  “I said exactly, baby. Try again.” 

Your whole body feels hot under his smug, expectant gaze; you should be surprised by the sudden pet name, but it only makes your mind fuzzy with the beginnings of arousal. You swallow thickly, unable to disobey him. “T-this video made m-my pussy clench.” 

“So naughty… Just this short clip has your cute little pussy all needy,” Jeonghan clicks his tongue, but a knowing grin spreads on his lips. His words have you shifting in your seat in an attempt to relieve the dull ache setting in between your legs, though you don’t dare let it on. It’s clear Jeonghan is playing a game with you, and although you know you’re going to lose, you’ll be damned if you let him win so easily. “Let’s read some more, hm? Translate this one for me.”

[ daddy_hannie ] commented: omg i bet jeonghan makes the hottest sounds when he’s fucking 

The comment he scrolls to nearly makes you whimper. It’s embarrassing how clearly you can recall the sound of each of his low groans coming through the screen, how sexy he sounded. Images of Jeonghan on top of you, his eyebrows furrowed as he grits out desperate groans of pleasure, leave you in a daze while your panties quickly dampen with your arousal. 

“Go on.” Jeonghan’s firm tone only makes you squirm more, and this time he takes note of the way your breathing has gone shallow and how your eyes are already hazy. 

“I bet Jeonghan makes the hottest sounds when he’s fucking,” you say softly. 

Jeonghan chuckles, his breath tickling against your neck. “Now you’re just making me blush, sweetheart. I bet you’d make some pretty noises when I’m fucking into you too,” he muses casually. You finally let out a soft whine, tired of holding your breath as he moves to tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear. 

“J-jeonghan…” 

“Hm, I think we should read a couple more,” the boy says, ignoring you and scrolling through more of the comments. You pout - your wetness has already soaked through your panties, your cunt just aching for his attention, but of course Jeonghan isn’t done teasing you. 

You’re wondering how long it will take for him to finally push your back to the floor and fuck you senseless when you spot a comment that might help you get you what you want quicker. ”I want to read this one,” you tell him, already rubbing your thighs together in anticipation. 

[ ~hanniehae!~ ] commented: god i KNOW your dick is big like PLEASE I WANNA SUCK UR DICK SO BAD

He raises an amused eyebrow at you, and you wait for him to stop you, biting back a smile when he doesn’t. You make sure to look him in the eyes when you say it, his own dark eyes telling you that he’s impatient for you too, and you nearly let it out in a whine from how much you mean it. “Please Jeonghan… I want to suck your dick so bad.” 

For a sliver of a  moment, Jeonghan goes rigid. Then, his smug smile returns as he brings up a thumb to tug on your bottom lip. “Mmm, such a pretty mouth saying such filthy words,” he sighs, shaking his head. “If you wanted to put it to good use, all you had to do was ask, baby.” 

Jeonghan chuckles at how eagerly you follow him as he moves to sit on the couch behind you, keeping his hold on your chin so that you keep your eyes on his. He has you kneel between his legs and you don’t waste any time in reaching for the button and zipper on his jeans. 

The man helps you tug his pants and boxers down to his ankles, and your mouth waters at the sight of his hard cock springing back against his stomach. Of course it’s pretty just like the rest of him. “You’ve been teasing me all this time, but you’re already this hard?” you whisper tauntingly as you lean forward to ghost your lips over the base of his shaft. 

Jeonghan’s shaky exhale does not go unnoticed by you, but his response comes out smooth as ever. “Could you blame me? You just looked so cute getting all worked up from saying all those dirty things about me. I bet your little panties are soaked through by now-- guh!” He lets out a surprised groan when you suddenly flatten your tongue against him, letting it drag slowly up to his tip. 

“You talk too much.” You look up at him with a smile before you wrap your lips around his leaking tip, savoring the taste of him on your tongue. Teasingly, you swirl your tongue against his slit until you feel his hand thread through your hair, as though he’s begging you for more. You decide to be nice, lowering your mouth further down his cock, letting him feel the slide of your wet tongue on his sensitive skin. 

A soft sigh leaves his lips at the sensation, pleasantly carding his fingers through your hair as you take as much of him as you can. “That’s it. Good girl.”

His praise has you clenching around nothing, and you whine as you steadily begin to bob your head along his hard cock, reveling in how he would let out small whimpers whenever you would lightly suckle on it. 

Just as he gets used to the feeling of your mouth on him, you suddenly take him as deep as you can into your mouth, hollowing your cheeks tightly around his cock. “Oh, f-fuck!” Jeonghan lets out a strangled moan, his hips lifting from the couch to fuck further into your mouth. 

You feel the tip of his cock hit the back of your throat, but it only spurs you on even more as you swallow around him, causing him to throw his head back in ecstasy. At this point, a dull ache starts setting in your jaw and drool begins to messily slip from the corners of your mouth as you return to sucking him at a more steady pace, and you feel your pussy throb from how dirty it all felt. Though you and Jeonghan did flirt occasionally, he had always felt off-limits to you-- he’s an idol and you’re just one of his normal-person friends. But here you are with his cock in your mouth, all thanks to the horny thoughts of his fans no less. 

To their credit, they were right. Jeonghan does make the hottest sounds while fucking. He lets out another throaty groan from above you and, unexpectedly, he pulls you off his cock. His pupils are blown wide with desire, his chest heaving slightly as he looks at the state you’re in with your swollen lips and the drool on your chin. “Can I fuck your mouth?” he asks breathlessly. 

“Yes please,” you reply, voice already a little hoarse from your efforts. You shift back on your knees to make room for Jeonghan when he stands, opening your mouth obediently when he moves to slide his cock back onto your tongue. Jeonghan tightens his grip on your hair, keeping you still as he starts to fuck into your mouth with quick, shallow thrusts. “Mmh!”

“Fuck, your mouth feels so fucking good, baby,” Jeonghan sighs appreciatively. You bring your hands up to grip at the backs of his thighs to keep yourself steady when his thrusts become a little more erratic, causing you to gag around him as his cock continues to hit the back of your throat. Still, all your focus remains on hearing more of Jeonghan’s pleasured groans, on seeing his face scrunch up in absolute bliss, so you keep your mouth open wide despite the tears that prick at your eyes. When Jeonghan looks down at you taking his cock, eyes glazed over and fucked out, he curses loudly. “Shit-- can I come in your mouth?” 

Unable to speak with your mouth stuffed full, you cutely give him a thumbs up. Jeonghan would have laughed if he wasn’t so close to cumming. With several more thrusts, he cries out a strained warning before his hot release fills your mouth. He rides out his orgasm, twitching in your hold as his pleasure bleeds into oversensitivity. Once he’s pulled out, you make sure to stick your tongue out so he can see how his cum coats your tongue right before you swallow it all down; all he can do is smile thinking about how he really should have fucked you sooner. 

“So good for me,” Jeonghan says to you softly, helping you up to your feet so that he can pull you into a heated kiss full of tongue and whimpers. You desperately grip onto Jeoghan’s shirt, pressing your body against him in search for some sort of relief for the arousal that is pumping through you and straight to your neglected pussy. He can’t help but smile against your lips. “Don’t worry, baby, I’ll take care of you now.” 

You let him lead you to sit on the couch-- this time you are the one sitting on the edge of the cushions with Jeonghan’s head between your legs. He slides a hand over your clothed core, humming when he finds that you really have soaked straight through your panties. Just as you begin to squirm underneath his teasing fingers, he strips you of both your leggings and underwear in one swift movement, leaving you bare before him. 

The sight of him pushing your legs apart is enough to leave you in a daze. Your breath catches when you feel cool air brushing against your inner thighs, slick with your wetness, then it all comes out in a whine when you feel Jeonghan’s velvet tongue swipes at the spot for a taste. “O-oh!” a cry slips from your lips once his tongue finally slides through your folds. “Mmh!” 

“Does it feel good?” Jeonghan whispers, not bothering to wait for a proper answer because your broken moans tell him to keep going. He spreads your lips open with his fingers, eating you out slowly and deliberately as though he is savoring his favorite meal.

The room is filled with your soft whimpers and the lewd sounds of Jeonghan’s mouth working against your pussy and it only tightens the pressure in your stomach, causing your toes to curl. “P-please-- please let me cum,” you rasp out, and your eyes roll to the back, your hand clutching tightly at the back of Jeonghan’s head, at the feeling of his tongue flattening against your clit. “Ngh! Y-yes!” 

He skillfully flicks his tongue on your bud, shaking his head back and forth until his chin is absolutely covered in your juices. When your hips begin to move of their own accord, he lets you ride his face as you please, his cock twitching at how desperate you are for him. “S-so good,” you sob, only able to mutter unintelligible nonsense in your delirium. Then, he wraps his mouth around your clit, and you’re left squealing as your legs begin to shake from how obscenely good it feels. “Shit, I-- I’m--!” 

You come undone with a loud cry of Jeonghan’s name, your body going rigid from how hard your orgasm hits you. Jeonghan takes it all, his eyes closed as he works you through your release, only letting up when you slump away from him.

The both of you finally look at each other properly in the aftermath, chests heaving and hair wild. Suddenly you’re both erupting in giggles at the realization of what you two had just done. “What are you looking at?” Jeonghan asks, eyes bright as he smiles handsomely up at you. 

You reach down to swipe your thumb against his chin, which is still shining with your cum, barely able to contain your giggles. “Who’s got the dirty mouth now?”

[foilfreak]

4 Lords Raise Rose AU Ideas

Not a single person asked for this, but that other post where I talk about the 4 lords adopting Rose but still technically being terrible people got way more popular than I expected it to, so, with about 6 shots of tequila in my system and a terrible urge to spit my thoughts out for all the internet to see and judge, I’ve decided to make a follow up post. Here’s how I think the 4 lords would take care of Rose in the event they rebelled against Mother Miranda and decided to raise Rose as their own instead, but like under the cut after a little bit cuz i accidentally went way too fucking hard with this and I don’t want ppl to get mad at me for making them scroll for an hour to get past this post:

First and foremost, I think they’d do it in stages, and what I mean by this is that Rose would essentially be given to a specific Lord for some period of her life, like a couple years, and then when she was deemed old or strong or annoying enough, she’d be moved to a different lord for some period of time and so on and so forth. They would do this because a) they all live in different areas and have shit to do so it’s easier to have Rose live with one lord at a time and then the other lords can just go visit her there from time to time, rather than try to work out a weekly custody schedule which we all know Alcina and Karl would NEVER be able to agree on so let’s not even bother, and b) because each lord would have either some skill or set of knowledge that would make them the best for caring for Rose at that specific point in her life. This way, all the lords have a (somewhat) equal chance to be a part of Rose’s life and teach her something while she’s with them. So with all that in mind now, let’s get down to who would have Rose and at what point in her life.

1. Starting off with infant Rose, I think she’d end up with the Dimitrescu’s for the first few years of her life, and the reason why I think this is because... well, Alcina IS already a mother to 3 girls, and while we don’t know a terrible amount about Bela, Cassandra, and Daniela’s “upbringing” under Alcina, we can gleam and theorize from her notes that, despite their fully grown bodies, the girls could very well have started out with the mental and physical capabilities of infants, and thus needed to be cared for and brought up in a similar manner as infants or children until they reached a certain point where they could officially be considered adults in mentality and ability, not just in physical appearance. So with this in mind, it’s entirely possible that Alcina could have at least some vague idea of how to care for an infant child through her experiences with the bug sisters; perhaps there’s some gaps in her knowledge, but if nothing else I imagine Alcina would be an infant Rose’s best shot at surviving infancy if only because the other 3 are so incompetent on how to care for a baby that Alcina looks like an expert in comparison. Not to mention that, of the possible locations for an infant to be raised, I do genuinely think that castle Dimitrescu would be the safest place for Rose to be kept during this vulnerable part of her life. Not only that but if Alcina has actually come to care for Rose as though she were one of her own daughters, then she would absolutely spoil Rose rotten with all the nicest clothes and fanciest toys, things that a small infant wouldnt be able to appreciate but would show that she’s loved and cared for nonetheless, and don’t even get me started on the bug sisters, I could see them fawning over Rose for hours on end, playing with her, singing to her, telling her stories of all the man-things they’ve gotten to play with today, and so much more. Overall, Rose would just be the most spoiled and pampered little baby with the Dimitrescus and there’s no changing my mind about this. The only thing I’m struggling to wrap my head around is how they’d feed her, since I doubt a small infant would take very well to blood wine and human flesh. I suppose it wouldn’t be terribly outrageous for them to hire a wet nurse/nanny to care for Rose during the day while the other Dimitrescus go about their daily duties, and when Rose is finally old enough to be introduced to solid food (I.e. fried human flesh cubes) they could do what they always do and turn the nurse into wine too, I guess. It’s not a solid idea but it’s more plausible than anything else I thought of so it’ll work!

2. After spending about 3 years with the Dimitrescus, Rose would then be moved to the Beneviento house. Now, If u don’t know anything about 3 year olds, then you’re probably ignorant to the fact that they are some of the craftiest, sneakiest, and most coniving groups of people to exist on this planet. 3 year olds are masters at getting into and touching just about anything and everything u don’t want them to touch, and worst of all, u won’t realize what they’re doing until they’ve already done it and left a huge mess behind, so while the Dimitrescus love and adore Rose dearly, they know it’s sadly time to hand her over when they find her sitting on top of a pile of dead bodies playing with a metal scythe in the dungeons. Once Rose is dropped off at the Beneviento house, I imagine Donna is her usual stoic self the first few weeks Rose is with her. She’s not cold or distant necessarily, in fact she’s quite happy that it’s finally her turn with precious baby Rose, but Donna isn’t exactly known for being outwardly expressive herself (and even Angie isn’t being quite as forward as she normally is), so things are quiet and peaceful for the first little while that Rose is under her care. It’s not until Rose takes an interest in her doll Angie, and more importantly the things that Donna can do with Angie, that things really start getting fun. By the end of Rose’s first month in the Beneviento house she and Donna are the best of friends and often spend their days either playing dress up and make pretend with Donna’s extensive doll collection, or playing elaborate games of cat and mouse, where Donna will set up lots of puzzles throughout the house for Rose to find and solve (I.e. rose has to match her dress to the doll with the same one as her to find a map telling her which kitchen cabinet Donna hid the chocolate in, or something like that), but be careful little Rose, Angie has been trying to get her hands on that chocolate all day, and if u take too long, she’ll find the map first and eat all the chocolate without saving you a single piece. Just silly little puzzles with enough at stake to engage the mind of a curious 3 year old, but never enough to put rose in any actual danger. Donna is nothing if not a watchful caretaker, so she makes sure she has sight of Rose at all times, occasionally giving her a hint if she’s struggling, and perhaps occasionally making things harder if that day’s puzzle is proving too easy for her. Overall, Rose’s time with Donna, while not as grand and luxurious as the Dimitrescus, was still a fun and enriching experience for the young girl, and there’s nobody in this world who thinks that Donna’s scar is cool more than Rose.

3. After another 3 years with Donna, Rose is now 6 years old and officially far too good at puzzle solving for Donna to keep up with. No matter what she tries or how hard she makes it, Rose just keeps blazing through the puzzles at an almost alarming rate, making it clear that Rose is desperately in need of not only a change in scenery, but also a change in education, and this is where Salvatore finally comes in. After leaving the Beneviento house, I think the next logical place for Rose to stay would be with Salvatore, who, with lore hinting at him perhaps being a scholarly man of some kind, would basically act as her elementary school teacher throughout the duration of her stay. Now, to be fair, Rose could have gone to Heisenburg’s factory, but Heisenberg outright refused to take her and the other 3 lords decide that the factory is simply too dangerous for Rose rn, who thus far hasn’t shown any signs of being anything other than a normal human girl with no noticeable abilities (save for a smart mouth and a terrifying habit of popping up when least expected, a habit she mostly uses to mess with Heisenberg, much to his disdain and Lady Dimitrescu’s delight), so it is to the mutant fish man’s unimaginable delight that he is unanimously voted Roses next caretaker, and the one responsible for her basic education. Despite his initial excitement however, when Rose is finally dropped off at the windmills by Donna, Salvatore realizes that he’s not 100% sure what to do with Rose now that he has her. He’d like to get started on her education right away but at the same time he’s so fearful of Rose hating him because of his disgusting appearance that he kind of just... avoids her entirely at first. He’s never far away from the little girl and is always ready to jump to her rescue should she need it, but other than that Salvatore seldom allows himself to be seen for the first month that Rose is with him, the only sign of him still being around being the platefuls of food that mysteriously appear in Rose’s room 3 times a day, as well as the occasional shiny trinket Salvatore found and thought Rose would like. At first, rose doesn’t seem to mind being left entirely to her own devices, but after every stone, log, and rotting fish corpse within 5 miles of the lake has been turned over and thoroughly examined, Rose decides she’s had quite enough of her Uncle Sal ignoring her, prompting the headstrong little girl to go looking for him herself. She finds Salvatore hiding underneath a patch of floating algae not far away from where she was playing and all but demands that the mutant man come out of the water and give her something to do or she’d tell Mother on him. Salvatore, shocked by the small child’s fearlessly blunt request, hesitates, not wanting to frighten Rose, but ultimately relents, crawling out of the water and timidly suggesting that he teach her how to read and write. Rose quickly agrees, seeming totally unbothered by Salvatore’s grotesque appearance, and the two quickly move to the schoolroom that had been set up specifically for Rose, where Salvatore spends hours upon hours a day teaching Rose everything he knows, filling the little girl’s head up first with the basics, letters and words, then numbers and simple equations, followed later by historical dates and time periods, algebraic formulas, and classic literature analysis, then biology, chemistry, physics, astrology, calculus, ecology, and so much more. Basically, anything there is to know, Salvatore knows at least something about it and he’ll make sure that Rose knows about it too. In the 3 years Rose spends with Salvatore she goes from already sharp as a whip, to being smarter than most adults even, and Salvatore takes immense pride in how intelligent and knowledgable Rose becomes thanks to his surprisingly effective teaching style. Overall, as a caretaker, Salvatore is pretty weird and doubts himself a lot, but Rose thinks he’s funny and loves learning from him so they get along very well and she loves him very dearly! He probs teaches her to swim and fish too.

4. So another 3 years come and go with incredible speed, and its with great sadness on Salvatore’s part that Heisenberg finally comes banging on the fish man’s door, all but demanding that he now be given his turn with Rose. Now, personally, I can see several different arguments being raised by the other 3 lords over why its a terrible idea to let a 9 year old anywhere near Heisenberg, much less be given into his care fully. After about 9 years of seeing his siblings paling around with the constantly growing child, and looking like theyre having the time of their lives all the while, however, Karl decides that perhaps there’s more to this little girl than he originally thought, and, with his interest now piqued (or at the very least looking forward to pissing the other 3 off for entertainment purposes), that its only fair that he be given a turn with her now too, seeing as how he’s the only one who hasn’t been given the chance to be her caretaker yet. This naturally does NOT go over well with the other 3 lords. Alcina all but threatens to kill Karl should he step so much as within 10 ft of Rose, while Donna pipes up and demands to know what his sudden interest in Rose is. Even Salvatore, who is quick to flinch away from direct conflict, goes as far as to harshly point out the plethora of times Karl had outright denied their previous attempts to get him to engage with Rose, so why on earth would they hand her over to him now when he’s previously shown to have absolutely no interest in her? After a long spout of yelling between the 4 siblings, an agreement is reached, wherein Rose herself will be given the chance to decide whether she wants to go with Heisenberg, or whether she’ll return to one of the other 3 lords for the time being. It is to Alcina, Donna, and Salvatore’s absolute horror however, that Rose enthusiastically agrees to go with her Uncle Karl to live in his factory, and with the deal already set, the other lords can do nothing to stop her from going. The trip to drop off Rose at heisenberg’s factory is a long and arduous one, especially for Salvatore, who sobs the whole way there about Rose forgetting about him despite the young girl’s insistence that she’d visit. The first thing Karl does after officially having Rose handed over to him, is give her an extensive list of all the places in the factory in which she is under no circumstances permitted to enter without his permission (which basically only leaves the control room and the old storage closet that acts as her bedroom as viable places for Rose to go and explore). The second thing Karl does is dump her in her new storage closet bedroom and then hightail it for his workshop to work on whatever sick and twisted amalgamation he’s got cooked up this time around. At first, Rose isn’t terribly bothered by this, since she’s used to having something of an “adjustment period” when she’s with a new caretaker, but unfortunately for her, this adjustment period lasts a hell of a lot longer than the others did, and by the time 3 months of almost no meaningful contact with Karl, Rose decides to take matters into her own hands and ascends into the depths of the factory despite the express orders not to do so. Now, going back to the idea that the 4 lords are still pretty terrible people, I doubt Rose has been kept ignorant to the less savory aspects of her caretaker’s lives, and tbh she probably doesn’t think anything of the fact that the Dimitrescus makes wine out of the blood of virgin women or that Salvatore still does cadou experiments (and had her help on occasion), but I imagine even Rose would find the projects Karl works on to be at least a little

4, cont. gruesome and horrifying in nature, especially since Heisenberg is the one she knows the least about. However, instead of turning Rose away from Heisenberg, these terrifying metal creatures she sees locked up only spark her already insatiable curiosity, and by the time she finally tracks Karl down, Rose is all but trembling to learn more about this horrifyingly fascinating metal world. Unfortunately, Karl is not nearly as happy to see Rose as Rose is to see him, and the engineer all but grabs Rose by the scruff of her neck and drags her back up to the control room, yelling and screaming at her all the while about how she was explicitly instructed not to enter these parts of the factory without his permission. Needless to say that Rose does not enjoy this treatment and immediately lashes out, half out of anger and half out of confusion as to why Karl was treating her like this. He was the one who wanted her here in the first place, so why the hell was he just ignoring her now? It didn’t make any sense and it was starting to piss Rose off, so naturally the only thing left for her to do in order to solve this complicated situation would be to continue to disobey Karl until he either gave up and sent her back to one of the other lords, or finally payed some damn attention to her for once. So that’s exactly what she did. Every single day Rose left her room (which Karl kept telling himself he needed to put a lock on, but never did cuz he’s an idiot) and descended down into the depths of the factory looking for something ogle at or tinker with, and every single day Karl would track her down wherever she’d managed to get to and throw her back upstairs threatening to feed her to the lycans if she did it again. This incredibly frustrating cycle continued on for the better part of the next month or so, finally coming to a head when Rose managed to wander into the part of the factory where the... less than successful experiments got put whenever Karl doesn’t have any further use for them but is feeling too lazy to kill them off himself. Long story short, Rose runs into a Sturm that chases her around the factory, causing all manner of mayhem and destruction, and would have torn her to ribbons had it not been for Karl, who jumped in at the last second and was able to fend the damn thing off long enough for Rose to get the ever living fuck out and back up to the control room where it’s safe. There’s a lot of loud noises and explosions coming from deep within the factory that last for what feels like an eternity, but Rose doesn’t dare venture out again until everything has gone eerily quiet and a deep sense of worry has settled in the pit of her stomach over what had become of her latest caretaker. Turns out the Sturm had recognized its creator and, after watching its initial prey escape because of said creator, quickly decided that it fucking hated Karl with every fiber of its being and wanted him dead if it was the last thing it’s propellers did. Now, we all know that Karl is a big strong boy who’s more than capable of handling his own creations and taking down strong enemies, but the Sturm is a creation that even he struggles to control on good days and today is decidedly not a good day so not only does Karl not have the slightest bit of control over the death machine trying to kill him, but its also a lot stronger than Karl initially thought and apparently not picky about the method which causes Karl’s death, which is evidenced by the nearly dead Sturm ramming itself into a power generator as a final act of defiance and nearly blowing up the whole factory and everybody inside. Heisenberg is able to contain the explosion somehow but not without considerable damage to himself first. Rose is, naturally, quite horrified to find Karl passed out in the elevator that had taken him up from the lower levels of the factory where the explosion was, skin burnt nearly to a crisp in certain areas and blood pooling from just about every part of him, and immediately heads over to try and help her injured caretaker.

4, cont. again cuz I physically can’t stop myself. Now, I imagine that any normal 9 year old probably wouldnt be able to handle this sort of situation in any meaningful way, but i think we can all agree that Rose is the furthest thing from normal (especially considering who raised her) and has probably seen enough blood and gore to not be terribly freaked out by it, but this is where things get a little speculative because we don’t know what Rose’s powers are exactly but we do know from the final cutscene that she does have them, perhaps even a plethora of abilities, and I like to think that some of those powers are related to Ethan’s superhuman healing capabilities, but unlike Ethan however, who from what we’ve seen could only heal himself, Rose can actually heal other people (tho this isn’t something she’s aware of at this point in time). The second the elevator door opens to reveal, what looks to be, a half-dead Karl slumped over in the corner, Rose panics and runs to him, doing everything she can think of save for maybe grabbing him by the collar or slapping him across the face, to try and get Karl to wake up, except nothing works, he wont wake up no matter how hard Rose tries and i imagine this must be incredibly distressing for Rose who never intended for something like this to happen or for her caretaker to die because he had to protect her even tho he told her not to go down there because its dangerous and anything down there WOULD kill her if given the opportunity. Anyways Rose is now full on sobbing on top of Karl like only a 9 year old who just discovered that her actions have consequences can, but unbeknownst to her (and technically Karl cuz he’s a little busy bleeding out all over the floor) Karl’s wounds are slowly beginning to close, the burns on his face and hands shift from a bright red to a dark brown before crusting over and flaking off, and even his breathing, which had been labored and inconsistent at first, began to level out slightly. Karl woke up not long after that and was surprised to find that a) he was still alive, which was cool, b) he was injured but not in indescribable pain, also cool, and c) there was a literal sobbing child all but sitting on top of him, which is definitely not something Karl was expecting but he supposed he’s been met with worse things upon waking up after almost dying so why question it. After taking a moment to gather their bearings, the two return to the safer parts of the factory to rest and recover and for the most part this little incident of their’s goes largely unspoken, with Rose not exactly in the mood to talk about how her disobedience nearly got herself and Karl killed, and Karl being too fucking tired to go after her about it, especially since she seems to have learned her lesson. The only downside to this whole thing is that now Karl has a busted up fuckin leg thats gonna take an eternity to heal even for him, and with so much work to still do he’s more or less forced to drag Rose around the factory and use her like the annoying assistant he never wanted (except he did want her, thats how this whole fucking mess started, you lug), except that Rose, who is more than used to playing lab assistant from her time with Salvatore, quickly proves to be a rather capable and handy person to have around, if only because she knows the difference between a philips and a flathead screwdriver even better than he does. An amicable, if still slightly awkward peace settles over Heisenberg’s factory once Karl starts actively engaging with Rose and giving her something to do on a daily basis, even if its just standing around watching him work and occasionally having her questions about what he’s doing answered. It doesn’t take very long after that for Karl to begin realizing that perhaps throwing a huge tantrum to get Rose to come here only to ditch her upstairs by herself for 3 months might not have been the smartest (or most considerate) thing he’s ever done, and even goes as far as to (kinda) apologize to Rose for being such a dick to her since she arrived.

4, last one i swear. Rose forgives him, though not before adding that she already knew he was an asshole from Alcina, which earns her a halfhearted swipe from Karl that Rose easily dodges with a childish giggle. From that point on their relationship improves astronomically as Karl finally gives in and teaches Rose about about engineering and everything else that goes into making the metal horrors that he’s known for. Karl is shocked at how quickly Rose picks up on the trade, getting to the point where Karl wonders if he should start giving Rose her own projects to work on, but quickly rolls his eyes and groans when he remember that Salvatore was the one responsible for her education up until this point, the mere thought of having to give compliments to that “moronic freak” for giving Rose such a good educational foundation makes him want to vomit despite how secretly impressed he is. Overall, Rose’s time with Heisenberg starts out shaky, very shaky even, but after a bit of disaster and some swallowing of the pride on Karl’s part, they end up growing quite close and have a nice fun Uncle and martass Neice dynamic. They make a good team and Karl does genuinely enjoy having a little assistant around to help him with his projects, even if Rose can sound a bit too much like Alcina on some days for his liking.

5. 3 more years come and go and now Rose is a strong and healthy 12 years old, perhaps riddled with a few more scars and smearings of ash and motor oil across her skin than when she first arrived but still strong and capable nonetheless. Going back to that first statement however, this of course means that it’s time for the other 3 lords to come banging on Karl’s door for a change, all but demanding that Rose be handed back over to them. Karl of course refuses, telling them all to fuck off and that Rose didn’t want a leave the factory, so upon realization that all 4 lords were gathered here with the intention of taking Rose back to live with them indefinitely, a fight immediately breaks out between the 4 siblings, as each one makes their case as to why Rose should be returned to them and not the other 3, which of course none of the 4 lords can come to an agreement about because they ALL want Rose to stay with them. So after another long and pointlessly arduous argument, Alcina finally breaks, proclaiming that they’d be here for all eternity of they didn’t make a decision now, and that, like the first time the 4 siblings argued over whether Rose should go with Heisenberg or return to one of the previous lords, Rose would be the one to decide which of her four caretakers she would return to. The agreement is made reluctantly, mostly on the part of Salvatore, Donna, and Heisenberg, but there was seemingly no other way for them to come to a decision, so it would unfortunately have to be up to Rose to decide which of her 4 caretakers she wants to stay with permanently. Rose is quickly brought before the 4 lords and explained the situation, before being given some time to herself to think and make her final decision. A tense and uneasy silence falls over the 4 lords as they wait for the little girl, who they had shown an uncharacteristic amount of mercy and time and devotion and love in the 12 years since Mother Miranda had brought her to the village with the intention of using her to revive an already lost and long-gone baby that she never would have gotten back no matter how hard she tried. Although they refused to admit it to one another, the lords all secretly knew that Rose had wormed her way into each of their cold, dead hearts, reviving an aspect of their humanity that they’d all thought had been lost ages ago. Rose came to the village bringing with her a wave of death and destruction, and yet throughout her childhood she has brought them nothing but light and life, illuminating their previously dark and desolate existences. The 4 lords loved their Rose very dearly and desperately wanted her to be happy, yet each of them possesses a dark and selfish desire to have Rose pick them over the other 3, to come and live with them forever and fill the hole deep inside them that they never knew needed filling. After a short while, Rose comes back out and stands before her 4 beloved caretakers, looking around nervously as she picks at her fingernails. The silence is thick and heavy as the 4 lords stare at the young girl, waiting with bated breaths for her to give her final verdict. Rose continues to say nothing as tears begin to flow from her eyes, sliding down her cheeks in thick streams as the girl begins to sob, dropping her head and clenching her dress. The 4 lords look between one another in confusion, unsure of what to do with this sudden burst of tears. Rose tearfully admits that she can’t and doesn’t want to choose which of the 4 lords she wants to live with permanently because she loves them all very much and wants to be able to see and live with all of them, like they’ve done thus far. Although the lords detest the idea of having to share Rose with anyone, they reluctantly come to an agreement for the girl’s sake, deciding that they would continue with the arrangement they’ve had thus far, only that Rose would switch between caretakers every 3 months instead of every 3 years, giving rose plenty of opportunities to see each of her caretakers just like she wanted. From then on, Rose continues to live her life

5, cont. growing up and learning more and more from each of her beloved caretakers. Although Rose would likely never know what a normal life looks like, living with 4 criminally insane monsters in the remote mountain village in Romania, it would be impossible to say that she wouldn’t have a happy life despite that. Perhaps its because the girl simply doesn’t know any better, so she doesn’t have the ability to see just how messed up her life and her 4 caretakers really are, but i imagine that Rose probably wouldn’t care very much to learn even if she had the opportunity. She’s a happy little girl living a strange but enjoyable life with the only family she’ll ever need. What more could she possibly ask for?

6. As for how Mother Miranda would play into this whole scenario I’ve just drunkenly spat out, im honestly not 100% sure. Ive seen some people suggesting that MM just kinda chills and lets the lords do what they want with Rose, but tbh I honestly don’t see that happening in this universe. MM would still have been just as crazy and driven to get Eva back as she was in canon, so i doubt she’d willingly standby and let her “false children” take away her one shot of getting her real child back simply because they didn’t want to hurt her, i just don’t personally see that happening. The two most likely scenarios i can come up with is that the Lords either banded together and look Miranda on together, their combined forces being enough to take her down and kill her, OR, Ethan is the one to take down MM like he did in canon but he passes out before he can get to rose, giving the lords (who he hadn’t ended up killing but just escaping from i guess) the opportunity to slide in, grab rose, and hightail it out of there, leaving Ethan’s body to be retrieved by Chris, who, due to not seeing or hearing Rose anywhere, believes that Rose must have been accidentally killed along with MM, which he later tells to Ethan and Mia. Regardless of how MM gets taken out of the picture (or if she’s given room to potentially come back later), the 4 lords retreat with Rose and begin the whole cycle I explained up above, but i did want to briefly address how I saw MM fitting into all of this since she is a vital part of the original story and the biggest obstacle to the lords having anything to do with Rose.

Anyways, that was so much longer than I intended it to be but I had so much fun with it just because it gave me the opportunity to spit some fun ideas and potential plot points out about this cool AU that I like and hope someone does SOMETHING with, please god someone do it, I’d do it myself but i have enough projects at the moment unfortunately. If you managed to make it all the way to the bottom, thank you for reading all of that, I appreciate it, and I hope you enjoyed at least some parts of this, and maybe even agree with some of the things I said. Feel free to leave your own ideas in the comments, I’d love to read them and hopefully if enough people like this maybe i will actually do something with it. Who knows? I certainly dont. Anyways thank you for reading all this, i hope you have a great day, and maybe ill see you around in another post. Bye!!! <3

[ficklefigments]

okay ( possibly controversial ) opinions and random thoughts about civil war bc i can !! beware tony stark stans and actually just mcu stans in general possibly, bc ive been seeing stuff on my dash and i have ~thoughts~

- k, starting off with why no one READ the accords ?? maybe they did and we didn’t get to see a shot bc boring but pls marvel you could’ve flipped a five second shot to each character reading with a facial reaction. but also like individual stances pls, not just pick a side, lowkey not that realistic

- also we will be getting into agents of shield knowledge here, some people don’t consider it canon, i do, go pull your head out of feige’s asshole <3 ( lovingly, jokingky she said )

- in agents of shield, it required every person/being that had a genetic mutation that led to them being powered ( basically anyone who couldn’t take away their powers then get them back like peter parker getting bit by the spider, he can’t get un-bit ) to be registered with the government, tracked by the government, monitored, surveillance, the whole sha bang. some heroes, that’s not a problem for ex, the ones that wear a suit and can take it on and off. but the ones that have it in their blood and body ? they are forced into this. this is why i was kinda iffy with tony on this, not everyone is the same kind of superhero and what may apply to someone does naturally apply to another. like bro, you can stop, some ppl can’t.

- but also they were required to submit both their secret superhero identities and real identities for reg. it is incredibly dangerous for the world to know exactly who a powered individual is, there was an organization called the watchdogs in agents of shield that was hellbent on eliminating a breed of powered people called in humans and this information was leaked from the government, leading to the loss of many lives. like there were nationwide blackouts and purges to kill in humans with the information that was leaked, it obvi wasn’t safe.

- tony stark blackmails peter parker into fighting for him, a 15 year old kid, by threatening to reveal his new and somewhat unstable secret identity to aunt may. what the fuck. we all saw that right ?

- i’m uncomfortable with how wanda was the scapegoat for lagos, other people fueled this accident, it wasn’t just her. the news just kept going on and on ?? like i feel like ppl took advantage of the fact she’s powered and used that for anti propaganda

- stop. bashing. sharon. carter. yeah it’s a little weird she kissed the same guy as her aunt, but who fucking cares? steve knew peggy for a few yrs, she was supposed to move on, at this point, she doesn’t own him.

- tony only gets involved with “taking responsibility for our actions” when this american kid dies. he heard a sad story and he’s ready to just go 180 ?? sir. so many ppl died in nyc, why now, what did you do the.

- THE RAFT. the prison for super villains ? yeah let’s just stick half the avengers in there.

- WANDAS SHOCK COLLAR. BAD. BAD. BAD. INHUMANE. TORTURE.

- tony exposed clint’s family to the government. y’know the secret family ? emphasis on secret !

-im not your #1 steve rogers stan or anything but yes my initial reaction was to be on team cap bc i consider myself to have somewhat of a moral code and like if u can help someone !! then !! help !! i was totally with him on this even tho i believe they need some kind of nick fury / phil coulson ( who’s honestly technically still alive and able to do the job ) to babysit them. i didn’t like how everyone was fine being told when they can and can’t help, they’re heroes because of their natural instinct to help ppl :((

-i want it addressed at some point how bucky felt about being the one who made howard kick the bucket. idk if they were close or anything but like ?? they both worked with steve on the same team and war kinda brings ppl together, so like how did he feel watching himself kill one of his friends from his life when everything was easier ? unwillingly severing another tie to bucky barnes and releasing the winter soldier

pls remember these r just my opinions !! you do not have to agree/disagree or even read these, i just needed to get a few thoughts out and this is what we have rn

[dateamonster]

ok im gonna try to put together a list of other horror featuring wlw to watch

particularly wlw horror that isnt also weirdly transmisogynistic. im channeling my annoyance at fear street into something productive ok fuck u.

as always look into content warnings as needed and proceed with caution and care. in case it wasnt obvious, this is horror, and as such youre not gonna find a lot of happy romances here. im just a gay bitch who likes horror and sometimes i like to see someone somewhat like me in it. lemme live.

the perfection: recentish netflix horror/thriller full of twists and turns thatll fuck with your head. very very dark but i personally find the ending sorta weirdly cathartic and its definitely one of the happier endings on this list. theres no easy way to talk about this movie with spoiling, nevertheless i can p much guarantee you will be in for a scare.

30 miles from nowhere: while i wouldnt say the sapphic elements of this are like Positive Rep i do like the way this movie portrays the messiness of interpersonal relationships and i feel like its nice that that messiness isnt limited to straight people if that makes sense? anyway its just a great movie. unpredictable and chaotic and darkly comedic at times. if you like horror movies where the protags in peril arent like Good People but are likeable, you may like this.

all cheerleaders die: admittedly i havent rewatched this in a hot minute so let me know if it like Doesnt Hold Up but as i remember it this movie is a campy fun time with similar vibes to movies like jennifers body and ginger snaps. its just a good ol fashioned undead teen romp with some meangirls social-politics and some girls who like girls. what more could u ask for.

the hunger: 1980s movie about vampirism and bisexuality with a kind of gothic horror vibe to it. i feel obligated to spoil and tell you its Not a happy ending type of romance, but i do still like it and i do really appreciate it as like a take on the intertwined horror and allure of vampirism and how that relates to ideas of sexuality.

ginger snaps: i know i know i know its not canon but youre not gonna be able to convince me that this isnt a staple lesbian movie. i feel like most ppl who follow me know about ginger snaps already but for the uninformed, its a werewolf-themed coming of age horror about two sisters. although naturally theres a big focus on ginger, the younger sister bridget is imo the true protagonist and she sorta intrigues me as, in my interpretation, a young lesbian who is witnessing her sister transform into a manifestation of her own fears regarding sexuality and growing up. thatll get its own post someday tho.

may: this movie is a partially grounded, partially fantastical, purely captivating feature-length character study on a socially isolated young woman trying to find a perfect person in a world of flaws. itll make you smile, itll make you wince, itll getcha with that slow sense of building dread where youre just waiting for something to go horribly horribly wrong. check it out.

what keeps you alive: a highly stressful survival-horror type thriller. i know that subgenre is usually reserved for games but im not really sure how else to describe the vibe of this. i wont lie its not one of my favs just because its not a mode of storytelling i tend to mesh with but i do think its undeniably a good quality movie and i think if youre the type to be drawn in by fast-paced thrillers you will be into it.

feel free to add on. literally the only criteria for this list is its gotta feature a sapphic character and not feature a horribly transphobic scene <3