#But i dont have anyone I can talk to about this as depression has left me almost entirely alien

[python333]

your writing is literally the best in the cod fandom. we need more injured reader angst. it's too good

don't breathe — python333

— — — —

synopsis [reader] gets buried alive after refusing to give intel to enemy soldiers and *slips up and writes reader almost dying again* oops how did that happen haha

relationships platonic!price & gn!reader.

characters cap. john price.

word count 2.7k

warnings suffocation [reader], just generally really depressing thoughts, near death??, 2nd person pov [you/yours/yourself], usage of c/n [code name/call sign].

note aww tysm :(( dont say its the best im gonna get a complex LMAO but i appreciate it!! and yes i agree injured reader angst ftw :3 i present to you: reader gets very injured and theres a lot of angst and its basically just you suffering for a good 3/4 of the fic while the last quarter has the actual comfort!

“Hello?” You try again, your voice cracking and your tone as desperate as it can get, “Please, God, say someone can hear me.” 

You’ve been trapped in a casket for about five minutes now—at least, you woke up five minutes ago. God knows how long you’ve been stuck in the stupid thing, but realistically, it’s probably been much longer than five minutes.

The last thing you remember from before you were buried is being in the interrogation room of some small terrorist group’s facility, one you and the others were led to believe was abandoned weeks ago. 

Unfortunately, whoever gave you the information must’ve either had incredibly outdated information or was setting you all up for failure, because the facility was very much not abandoned and was instead full of enemy soldiers.

You all had already gotten into the building before you knew that, because of course you all had to be in the same spot at the same time—practically sitting ducks for the enemy—and of course you all had to be clueless about the possibly hundreds of people in the facility until it was too late. 

As far as you know, everyone managed to escape. Everyone but you. They didn’t mean to leave you behind, of course they didn’t, they were more focused on just booking it out of the facility. However, because of that, you were now stuck—you assume—several feet underground in a casket that has a limited amount of oxygen that drops every time you take a breath. 

You let out the breath you’re currently holding and suck in another deep breath, holding it as you think. Your strategy of holding your breath until you no longer could mostly worked, but it wouldn’t for long, you knew that soon you’d suffocate in all of the carbon dioxide gathering in the enclosed casket.

You don’t know how long you’d been unconscious in the casket, breathing in oxygen carelessly in your slumber, which made the whole situation worse. You didn’t even know how much time you had left. 

You hate to waste your breath checking your comms, but the enemy soldiers had accidentally left your earpiece in your ear—the small device apparently going undetected under their radar—and you wanted to make the most of it. You move your arm from your side and press onto the PTT button on your earpiece, wincing a little at how cramped the casket was.

“Does anybody copy?” You ask again, staring up at the almost pitch black space above you, “I repeat, does anybody copy?” 

It’s a vain attempt at contacting your team, really. You don’t know if they’re thinking about you, if the signal is going through, if they even have their earpieces on—you know nothing, and that terrifies you because you really don’t want to die right now but there’s literally nothing else you can do besides helplessly talk into your earpiece, not knowing if anyone’s listening. 

Your lungs start to burn and you let out the breath you were holding, taking another deep breath and beginning to hold that one. The air feels… thick. It’s starting to get harder to breathe, and you know you shouldn’t panic but you can’t help the few worried thoughts that come to the forefront of your mind. 

What am I going to do when I run out of oxygen and the only thing left for me to breathe in are my own discarded breaths? What will I do when all there is to do is suffocate? Am I going to try, in one last desperate attempt, to break out of the casket, or am I going to just lay here and die? Will my team try to find me, or will they forget about me? Have they already forgotten about me? 

Before you can listen to any more of those depressing thoughts, a voice comes from your earpiece. 

“H—lo? [c/n]?” It’s hard to tell with the static and the cuts in between the words, but you think it’s Price talking. 

“Price?” You ask immediately, all thoughts of preserving your breath forgotten. “Holy shit, you can hear me?” 

“Je—s— whe—e—” He cuts out for a moment and your stomach drops when all you can hear is static for a moment. 

“You’re— You’re cutting out, Captain, what did you say?” 

“Wher— —re you?” It takes you a moment to realize what he’s saying, your mind working much slower than it usually does, but once you do you shake your head negatively despite him not being there to see you. 

“I don’t— I don’t know,” You respond, taking a deep breath before adding on, “I think I’m underground, I just know I’m in a casket and it’s getting harder to breathe and—” 

“Okay, o—y,” You hear Price’s voice crackle, his voice becoming more distant and sounding almost muffled to you, “Sa— —ur bre—th, I’ll try to g—t some—e to track your— —tion.” 

With the constant cutting out of his words and the distortion of his tone, you can barely register or process what he’s saying, and that only panics you more but you refuse to let your emotions get the better of you even in the state of disorientation you’re in, so you keep holding your breath. 

A minute later, Price’s voice crackles through your earpiece again. 

“Okay, we’ve got your loc—tion,” Price’s voice sounds… oddly far away, “We can—” 

His voice slowly becomes muffled, and you release the breath you were holding without realizing it, slowly blinking up at the ceiling of the casket. A sort of haze falls over your mind and you can barely even hear Price anymore before you suddenly snap back to reality and hear his now much clearer voice loud in your ear. 

“[c/n]? [c/n], are you still there?” You recognize his tone now, and you’re just a little shocked at the sheer amount of worry in it. 

“Haven’t moved an inch,” You breathe out, before lying, “You cut out for a second for me, sorry.” 

“Don’t be sorry, it’s okay,” Price reassures you, “I said we got your loc—tion and we’re hea—g out th— —w. It’s not t— far away from where —e alre—dy are, we’re ba—ely three clicks away.” 

“… Clicks?” You ask, your eyebrows drawing together in confusion.

“Yes, clicks,” Price replies, sounding concerned, before hesitantly asking, “… You know what those are, right?” 

“I don’t—” You struggle to find words for a moment before you speak again, your own voice starting to sound distant, “I don’t think so?”

“What do y—u mean you don’t thi— —o?” Price asks, his voice sounding freakishly close, “Are you okay?” 

“No, yeah, I’m fine,” You lie through your teeth, not wanting to worry Price further, “I just… how far away are you?” 

“Just ab—t two cli—ks now,” Price says, before pausing and clarifying, “Two kilometers.” 

Two kilometers… how far is that? “And that’s… is that far, or?” 

“No, it’s not too far. It’s just a mi—te away, we didn’t ge— —o far before Laswell got your loc—tion,” Price tells you, “We’ll be there soon, ok—y? We’ll get y— —ut of there.” 

“A minute—” You cough and feel tears pricking at your eyes from how hard it is to take another breath, “A minute?” 

“Yes, a minute— [c/n], are you okay?” Price asks again, before laughing nervously, “You know what a minute is, do— —ou?” 

“...” You struggle to answer the question, thinking long and hard for a few seconds before hesitantly answering, “… Yeah, I do, sorry. It’s sixty seconds.” 

“Why’d it take you so long to answer?” 

“I don’t know, I’m sorry, I—” You take a few shallow breaths, and feel a headache start to build up, “How far away are you guys?” 

“We’re alm—t there,” Price promises you, “The heli’s ab—t to l—nd, and we’ll dig you up, and—” 

Why is it so cold? Price’s voice cuts off and when he stops talking you realize that you���re shivering. You ball your fists up and can’t even feel your nails digging into your palms, your hands having gone numb from the cold, and realizing that makes you discover that your lips feel numb too. 

Your ears start to ring and you feel that uncomfortable pins and needles feeling in your hands, the sensation slowly traveling up your arms, making you both wanting to peel off your own skin and also grateful that you can at least feel something besides the cold.

In the midst of your thinking, you hear muffled thumping coming from above you—whoever buried you couldn’t have buried you anything below six feet. 

“—llo? [c/n]? Are you still there?” 

You bring your hand up, the movement slow and sluggish, and you try to search around the side of your face for your earpiece. You eventually find it and when you do you press against it until you feel the PTT button being pushed. 

“Still here,” You confirm breathlessly, coughing again as you take a few more shallow breaths, “I think I’m running out of— of… what’s the fuckin’ air that you can breath in, it starts with an o…” 

“… Oxygen?”

“Oxygen, yeah,” You slowly blink up at the ceiling of the casket, “There’s— I think— I don’t… I think… I think I’m gonna pass out, Captain.” 

“[c/n], don’t you fucking dare,” Price growls, “You stay awake, I swear to fucking god.” 

“I can’t—” You take a few more shallow breaths, before coughing, the tears escaping your eyes reaching the corners of your mouth. 

You can hear Price briefly talk with someone else, his voice the most serious you’ve ever heard it, before he talks directly to you again, “How much longer do you think you have before you run out of oxygen?” 

It takes you a moment to register the question, but when you do, you answer, “Uh… I don’t— I think… maybe a few more minutes? I can’t tell, it’s just hard to breathe, I can’t…” 

“Okay, okay,” Price softly says, gusts of wind blowing into his mic as he talks, “Give me a second, okay? We’re almost there, kid, we’ll— we’ll be there in just a minute, we just passed over you, I just need you to stay awake.” 

“In a minute,” You repeat to yourself, before taking a deep breath, hoping that you have enough oxygen to make it out of this casket because you really don’t want to die here, not when there’s help just a minute away. 

After what you assume is a minute or two, instead of thumping, you hear something cut into the dirt above you. The sound, however, is heavily muffled, so muffled to the point where you don’t know if you’re hallucinating or not.

Is that a symptom of CO2 poisoning? Hallucinations? You lay still in the casket and can’t help but release the breath you’d only just taken, the ringing in your ears starting up again and growing louder faster than they had before. 

Your entire body is numb, your chest is heavy, and you can feel a sort of fog fall over your mind. You can distantly hear Price yelling through your earpiece, but you can’t find it in yourself to respond, instead simply laying there, your blinking starting to slow down before it eventually stops, leaving your eyes closed. 

— 

For a moment, you think you died and went to heaven, which would be weird, considering all the things you’ve done in your life. Not saying you’d go to hell, just saying God would probably hesitate for a second before letting you in through the pearly gates. 

You blink awake, slowly but surely, and the first thing you realize is that you can feel things again. You tilt your head down to the bump under the white bed sheets laid on top of you, and squeeze your hand into a ball, watching the bump move and feeling your fingers dig into your oddly sore palms.

You let out a sigh of relief and pull your hand out from the sheets, bringing it up to your face and feeling the oxygen mask that’s been placed over your mouth and nose.

“Don’t mess with that,” You hear a voice say to your right. You turn your head and see a very tired Captain Price, dark eyebags hanging under his eyes and arms crossed, his hands having a white knuckle grip on either one of his elbows. 

“…” You don’t say anything, instead you simply stare at him until he sighs and gets up from his seat. You watch silently as he leans over your bed and bends down, before pausing, and then quickly snaking his hands under your back to pull you up just enough for him to properly hug you. 

You reach up with shaky hands and tentatively hug him back, not nearly as tightly—not that you don’t want to, but you physically can’t with how weak your arms are right now—but with just as much sincere affection. You can feel Price’s beard rubbing against your neck and hear his small sniffles as he embraces you tightly. 

Maybe it’s his sniffling, or the way you can finally feel warmth for the first time in what feels like forever, or maybe it’s just the fact that he’s holding you with so much care and affection that it almost makes you burst at the seams, whatever it is, it causes you to tear up as well. 

Those tears quickly become sobs that bubble up in your throat and crawl their way out of it, forcing you to tuck your head into the crook of Price’s neck and muffle your sobs in it, muttering a small ‘sorry’ after each one. 

After each ‘sorry’, Price responds with, “It’s okay, let it out, sweetheart, you’re okay,” and those reassuring words only make you cry more because God, you didn’t even think he’d find you, yet here he is, letting you cry into his neck and is reassuring you after every apology that it’s okay. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry—” You mumble a litany of apologies into Price’s neck, your breath stuttering and hitching as you try to hold back your sobs. Price only shushes you and rubs his hand up and down your back in a comforting gesture, bringing his head up to kiss the top of your head. 

He tucks your head under his chin, “Don’t apologize, it’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong.” 

And fuck, you know it’s just words, but it only makes you cry more. 

Your sobs eventually stop, leaving you hiccuping against Price’s neck, silently crying as he continues to rub your back. 

“I thought you died,” He whispers, his hand stuttering on your back, “I thought you died and I was going to dig up your dead body, when you didn’t answer me.”

You stay silent, letting him continue, “I thought you were dead when we dug you up and needed to feel your heartbeat for myself to confirm that you were still alive.” 

He pauses for a moment before continuing, “I’ve been here ever since they put you in here. I haven’t slept, I’ve just stayed here, waiting for you to wake up so I could tell you that I—”

He chokes up for a moment before taking a deep breath and continuing, “I’m sorry for not even thinking to drag you out of the facility with me when we all ran out. You were— you were right there, and I couldn’t just grab your arm and take you with me, I just had to leave you behind and I—” 

“You watched me while I was asleep?” You ask quietly, your eyebrows drawing together. 

Price pauses and pulls his chin off of your head, and pulls you away from his neck so he can properly give you the most incredulous look he can pull, before saying, “I’m pouring my heart out to you and apologizing for practically leaving you for dead, and that’s what you’re worried about?” 

“Well, I’m not worried, I’m just—” You shrug, not knowing how to explain it. Price sighs and chuckles quietly before tucking your head back under his chin. 

“You’re insufferable,” He mumbles, sniffling a bit. 

“… I forgive you, by the way,” You say after a moment of silence, “I didn’t really blame you in the first place.” 

“You had the right to.” 

“Sure I did.” 

“But you didn’t blame me.”

“Right.” “…” Price stays silent for a moment before pressing another soft kiss to the top of your head and saying quietly, “You should blame me.” 

“Maybe,” You mumble back, “But I won’t.” 

Later, maybe an hour later, if the others see you asleep in Price’s arms while he keeps your head tucked under his chin and rubs your back affectionately—no they don’t.

[mahi-wayy]

Bitch dont tell me you haven't done a headcanon for our boy naidu!!

𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍 | 𝑹𝑨𝑵𝑨 𝑵𝑨𝑰𝑫𝑼

• General • Romantic [both. sfw and nsfw]

A/n : seriously how did I miss him-

I - GENERAL

he is everything 😭

that was dramatic because so is everything in his life.

the official babysitter of the elites.

anger issues. he was so prone to violent episodes from his childhood.

became calmer over the time.

you know that one person who you befriend for work and then the person refuses to leave you alone at any cost? that's prince and his dynamic.

he is SO DONE with the amount of bullshit decisions the actor makes in a week nevermind a month or god forbid a year.

him and lara share a clint-natasha type of relationship.

he met her under a job. she was blackmailing the son of a politician under desperation and he ended up helping her out instead of beating her up or something and she stuck by him since then.

she is not in love with him she is gay my dudes but she will break your face if you even breathe wrong in his direction.

sirini is more on the big brother side since he was the one to help him grab the hold of things when he started.

always breaking up petty bickering between sirini and lara.

had nightmares for longest time until he developed insomnia. especially of naga coming out of prison to kill him.

now coming to topic that makes like 80% of his personality. the trauma.

was the 'good. sensible. responsible.' kid growing up.

naga just about always left him to deal with brothers, sister and mother.

developed a practical-problem solving thinking very early in his life.

has bad anxiety, self worth issues and depression.

his anxiety/panic attacks are of the worst kind. he hates them.

had one after he confronted naga in tej's studio that night.

can't sleep most of time so he drinks in hopes of passing out. this worked out well until he built a tolerance for alcohol.

his depressive episodes include him sitting in one place and literally getting stuck in his own mind.

he is obsessed with training in gym and getting better at fighting because he will die before he lets anyone die from his family again or let someone harm them in anyway.

panics when things don't go his way.

when he panics he gets violent.

cheated because he was backed into a corner, not saying it was not wrong, saying he was pretty much angered to do it and isn't the type to cheat.

can't eat a lot at once. he gets sick since he grew up eating less to let his siblings and mother have his share mostly.

crashes at tej's studio more than his other apartment.

that apartment is for when he is going through it can't pretend to be okay infront of everyone anymore.

was unfazed when he killed someone for the first time.

his most brutal kill is him beating a man to death with bare hands.

doesn't even try to see eye to eye with arjun let alone naga.

TRUST ISSUES.

selective mutisim as trauma response.

II - ROMANTIC

won't make the first move because issues.

wouldn't trust the person 'loving' him.

actions over words.

talks less but loves to listen to his partner yapping

expensive gifts.

regular in home dates.

can and does cook for his partner.

when he can he sleeps as the big spoon.

NSFW

definitely a dom.

being soft or rough totally depends on his mood.

loves eating his partner out. can do it for hours on end.

likes tying them up.

loves overestimulating them.

isn't very vocal but does growl and groan.

sensitive neck and thighs.

----

tags : @mayakimayahai @warnermeadowsgirl @vijayasena @voidsteffy @jkdaddy01 @rambheem-is-real @allari-ammayi @mellaga-karagani @ulaganayagi @ahamasmiyodhah

[ivanisdying]

ranting (blitz&stolas relationship)

(ive been very inactive i apologise..)

i cannot fathom how angrynthe whole blitz n stolas thing is making me.. ppl hating on both sides but they r both in the wrong??? stolas saying hes never looked down on him when he HAS. has bro forgot the entirity of season 1?? stolas constantly called him his 'little imp' or his 'little plaything', and never really took him seriously. blitz could see that as mocking. but even then stolas's nickname for blitz is blitzy and he uses it infront of striker implying its a petname not that hes mocking blitz. in the first pilot ep he says along thw lines u do ur job and ill do mine. the whole deal was that in order for blitz to keep using the book was for him to have sex w stolas. so idk... another thing about the book. i think it was his only excuse to keep seeing stolas which is why he begged and begged for it. saying he NEEDS the book. he was about to apologise and you CAN HEAR IT "stolas, wait, im s-" AND THEN HE GETS TELEPORTED OUT... YOU COULD SEE HIM REACHING FOR HIS ROBE.. the fact their argument was where the crystal thing was and its when everything started. . . in an episode when stolas is laying down in the bed and blitz is crawling over to him he eyes the book as its the reason why he was doing it. in apology tour he pushes the book out of the way and is only looking at stolas !>!@>?!?!!@?! he doesnt care ab the book he cares ab STOLAS they both said what they needed to say but i dont think either of them fully took it in. stolas shpuldve let blitz talk but HE DIDNT.. in apology tour you can see his expression change whenever he looks at stolas and it BREAKS ME. and blitz apologises to verosika i think she actually forgave him. instead of calling him blitz-O she just calls him blitz which might imply a friendship or acquaintance in the future.. she gave him cake and left n i think she realised blitz is his own biggest hater. iv3 kinned blitz since the beginning tho i rlly liked moxxie.. silly guy stolas has complete right to be mad at blitz because he cant keep giving himself to someone who wont hear him out. but i beleive when blitz realises he loves him itll be too late. "im not in love w u anymore" "i didnt know u ever were" GHJRHFJDHFJH when blitz got jealous over stolas making out w another guy.. jealousy = feelings

blitz is harder to understand and sympathise for because he lashes out and gets upset by anger. it def has to do with his self hatred. notice how when stolas mentions anything about him leaving blitz splits and starts freaking out. he def has abandoment issues or bpd.. i think him n verosika is a reason why hes too scared to actually commit to another relationship.

they NEED to short shit out and have a gen talk or their situationship will go nowhere. it pains me knowing how bad they both struggle. in apology tour when blitz starts looking at him with a guilty look he sees stolas as his depressed and alcoholic self. and even when the guy asked to dance HE STILL LOOKED AT BLITZ FOR APPROVAL. i dont get why ppl hate on stolas for making out w a guy drunk when blitz did the same thing?? when they are walking down the hall stolas had covered every family photo except for leaving a space for where octavia was and rhat broke me... blitz doesnt believe anyone could actually love him. let alone a prince. and he says this multiple times but i dont think stolas really hears him. their trope is that stolas fell too early and blitz fell too late owls only fall in love once and he's pinged on him since they were kids LIKE ?!!?!?!? if stolas found out that he was bought to spend the day w him i think he'd distance himself even more. i need blitz to break down in stolas's arms like js something. im beginning to believe blitz does feel remorse for his actions and actually starts to feel bad ab what hes done. ghgghghhg this relationship makes me wanna rip my hair out and scream and roll on the floor (I mightve missed some things but this will conclude my rant)

I SWEAR vizzie is allergic to happiness ....

[daraku-ou]

ok ok i wanna talk about this at length and not on twitter where i can say like three sentences but i think a lot about how femt will sit around and say how humanity is just awful and disgusting but theres SO many times he seems to be rooting for them. like here how he Let Leo Go. he just let him leave. "he said he didnt wanna play so yknow. He Left." and he yells about how Of Course Hes Not Gonna Kill Leo. leo was so important to stopping the second collapse and femt just let him leave and then when he explained this to despair who is like Dude Why Didnt You Kill Him Or Leave Him There femt seems to be pretty genuinely concerned about despairs wellbeing and. general depression.

then there's in the ova where it's most obvious. hes running around trying to stop this restaurant from being destroyed which Just So Happens to have libra in it. tells leo to forget he was ever there. "i dont need a reason to help them out" femt i am shaking u

and THEN !!! theres curious. curious is fascinating to me for several reasons but i think its really interesting that femt seemingly shows up for no other reason than to Get Curious. wants to take him home for whatever reasons (i have thoughts on this but its too much so maybe another post). but then they immediately start fighting and it really seems like femt is just trying to keep curious preoccupied, buying time for libra to do something. he doesn't really have any reason to get into a petty fight with curious. then when curious is about to attack steven and klaus, femt IMMEDIATELY gets eve and odd to attack him which leaves them in pieces, ultimately ending up letting steven klaus and chain get the upper hand. and then femt just Leaves.

AND THE CALAMITY AUCTION !!! my favorite femt scene. pretends to be the president to break klaus out of jail as hes the only one who can really do anything about whats going on. and later when hes revealed to be the "president" klaus is surprised that someone like femt would even bother to get involved, cuz why WOULD he get involved?? hes constantly saying how worthless humanity is but here he is, actively trying to help. this pisses femt off who attacks briefly but just. Leaves. Again. destroys all the cameras in the room too. god forbid he be seen trying to help out a bad situation

which brings me to the light novel!! as i've said i've been translating it and theres a lot of interesting things. femt talks about how he feels extremely isolated from humanity and when people try to get information from him he just cant understand why they would ever want to be him or have what he has, cuz he clearly has..... Lots Of Issues! it's almost like he's so worried about what will happen to humanity if he isn't there to save them or on the other side of that he has to keep. testing humanity or something. he puts them through his games but even libra admits that theres a line he wont cross. they prefer to deal with him over Other Threats because while hes mass murdering lunatic he still wont. you know. Kill Everyone. unlike curious. i think femt and curious are being set up as foils and i have lots of thoughts on this but theres just too much to say about those two...

tldr i think femt cares a lot more about those around him than he would ever let anyone know. yeah he'll murder hundreds of people but the second hes faced with someone in person that he cant just pretend is part of this vague crude idea of humanity he has in his head its like something clicks in his brain that this is a Real Person and now he suddenly cares. he seems to have this recurring idea of humanity killing themselves or being unable to save themselves which leads him to Extreme Violence and when he helps its like he doesnt want to admit that he cares in some way. hes constantly distancing himself from everyone and i think he should go to therapy <3

[stendysolos]

silly rant about wendy and stan :3

but like the rants are seperate

so to whoever wants to read this shit i think wendy doesnt work with anyone else besides stan. if you say "kyle can treat her better!" first of all stfu u kyndy shippers are annoying asf and second of all no he would not. he would clearly get jealous of other guys and he would be really controlling (not in earlier seasons) and lets just be fr for a sec... wendy would either fall out of love or get back with stan again because yknow they always go back to eachother. and plus an arguement between wendy and kyle would be ugly especially if theyre together, they both can get mad asf and the arguement would last ATLEAST a few days. and atleast stan can handle her disagreeing and yelling at him. now lets see who else shes paired with. i wanna talk abt wendy and token. first of all i dont believe wendy ever loved token because we never see theyre relationship outside of raisins. what i believe is that wendy only dated token to try and get stans attention because he did neglect the relationship and maybe she was attention-hungry. and now the final one i wanna talk to about is cartman. i hate wendy x cartman (more than i hate kyndy) because we know it would never work. she even said that she lost all feelings towards cartman after chef goes nanners. and even if you argue and say that they had good chemestry in that episode let me remind you that she ran back to stan at the end of the episode. she clearly hates cartman and clearly would rather killherself than date cartman. i dont think cartman deserves to be with anyone (except maybe yentl) because he's pretty much unlovable.

now onto stan, i dont think he works with anyone but wendy. lets take a look at style. first of all kyle has left stan several times before. he left him for token and he also never helped him with his depression in your getting old. but guess who was there to cheer him up? wendy was. wendy was one of the only people that didnt get sick of him in that episode and it really shows how much she cares for stan. and in you have 0 friends even though wendy was kinda being... weird, stan did listen to her and tried to edit his settings on his facebook.

also i wanna bring up... best friends doesnt = dating.

also i wanna talk abt stendy as a relationship. i think that they might be able to work as friends but as partners is when theyre dynamic works best. girlboss and loser bf. in all honesty stan and wendy might have the best dynamic/healthiest relationship out of everyone. theyve been shown to care about eachother lots of times and in the older seasons was when they really had their cutest moments. modern stendy isnt bad either, wendy is able to forgive stan at the end of the chat gpt episode because she loves him. and stan really cares for wendy too. he went with wendy to see shitty movies just to spend time with her and he also wrote a song for her. stendy is my absolute favorite ship and i hate when ppl make them cheat on eachother. stan would never and wendy wouldnt either. and one thing i noticed is that stan is loyal to wendy, sure he may have had a few crushes on other girls but, he never actually tried to make a move on any of them (except ms ellen) but through out all their break ups, stan never dating anyone besides wendy, which shows he really does love her enough to the point where he would hit on anyone while she was gone

also this section is just random but i wanted to put it here:

would stan work with other girls?

theres 3 main people i wanted to pair stan with. heidi, bebe, and red. first i want to talk abt is red and stan. i feel like they would be more friends than lovers. we dont really see much of reds personality but we do know that she acts like the other girls. stan doesnt really interact with girls that much so we dont really see a certain dynamic between them. another girl i want to talk abt is bebe. bebe is an interstening character, she can be nice, outgoing and funny but she can switch up to be sassy and rude. stan and bebe are like the listeners/jocks of their groups. they both have their hobbys that go on the field (stan plays football and bebe is a cheerleader). i feel like stan and bebe would be besties shit talking everybody. and lastly i want to move onto heidi. i feel like they could work as an alternate incase stan and wendy have a permenant break up (lets be honest thats never happening). i feel like heidi likes/ is fond of stan. she went up to him for advice abt cartman and he's probably the one that knows cartman the least. and in the bracelets episode he asked her for glue which i find funny. and i feel like their love of animals would help them bond.

ok i think im done with this rant

so basically:

wendy and kyle dont get along prob, stendy is a healthy relationship, cartman and wendy hate eachother, stan and red are mutuals, stan and bebe are prob besties, and stan and heidi could work but like... stendy solos.

ok bye yall

[louscartridge]

wait it out

Bose o'brien x gn reader.

Summary- y/n has locked themselves in boses room for close to a week. Eventually tho, y/n ends up breaking down.

CW- panic attacks, established relationship, cuddling, bruises, slight language, slight yelling, petnames (sweet, babe), lack of sleep and food, just like overall alot of things that come with depression. Reader and bose say the l word at the end 😱😱 Also very lazily proof read💀💀

"Hey ms. Y/l/n. Is it ok if y/n sleeps over at my place again?"

You haven't left boses room in days.

You would wait as long as you could before getting up to go to the bathroom, you werent eating unless bose brought you something, and even then, you wouldn't eat all of it.

You weren't going to school (not like you were going all that much to begin with).

You were either sleeping all day or not at all. captain man and danger force had to fight crime without you. You know how much sometimes bose can just shut down when he gets scared. Usually when that happens, he relies on you. Though you weren't all that worried knowing that chapa would be with him.

Speaking of chapa, she had tried to "threaten" you to get up, but she knew first hand that that wasn't gonna work. Plus, she could never actually bring herself to hurt you.

on top of that, you were barely even speaking to your boyfriend. You haven't left his room in about almost 4 days, he'd be there when you woke up, and he'd be there when you went to sleep. yet you wouldn't talk to him. It wasn't anything towards him by any means. You weren't talking to anyone actually.

Your scilence was what worried him. You've had little episodes like this before, but you'd always talk to bose. Maybe not about what was wrong, but you'd still talk to him about something regardless.

You feel the end of bose's side of the bed dip slightly.

"Your mom said you could sleep over again"

his voice was slightly muffled since he was changing into a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants.

Bose laid down next to you so you were facing each other.

He brought his left hand to your jaw and neck, with his thumb on tour cheekbone.

Despite how you were feeling, you were still leaning into his touch. The slow pace of his thumb rubbing your upper cheek grounding you a little.

He wished there was more he could do. He knows there's not, and all he has to mainly do is just be there for you, but also give you space if you need it, and wait.

"Y/n" your boyfriend whispers. "You dont have to talk at all, but can you at least just look at me?" He says softly

You open your eyes per his request. The sound of his voice broke you. He was worried for you and you knew it. God did you hate worrying bose. He's always so happy, and for the most part, carefree. Even tho you know he isn't always as happy as he leads on to be, he's always trusted you to tell everything to and break down in front of.

Growing up, bose has trusted people and gotten left in the dust multiple times by the same people. Mainly from his stepdads. He eventually stopped trusting people as much as he used to-- Until he met you.

You wish you were able to cry and show emotions as much and comfortably around bose as he did with you.

As much as it also hurts bose to see you cry, hes told you before that he'd rather see you cry and talk to him, then get nothing at all.

As bose was looking into your eyes, he had realized just how truly exhausted you looked. Not only sleep wise, but also mentally. He could tell by how you would do something as simple as turn over to take a drink from your cup off the nightstand was a lot for you at the moment.

"Is there anything that's wrong that you know of? Or do you just need a bit to reset?"

You shrug at his question, not really knowing how to answer without alunding embarrassing or awkward.

Bose holds your hand and sits up, making you sit up with him. "Come on if you're not gonna talk to me, at least talk to someone else"

"But that's part of the problem bose! I can't! Unlike you, i have no one to talk to!"

Your sudden outburst causes bose to move back a little and slightly knit his eyebrows in confusion.

"What do you mean 'unlike me' ?"

"I mean like, literally everyone you surround yourself with is always there for you. Always coddling you and paying attention to you, even if they seem like they're not. hell- henry, my own brother for christs sake talks to you more then he talks to me."

You can feel yourself start to shake already, probably from your air quickly leaving you rather soon into your rant, and also from full anxiety settling in now.

"Y/n we talk to literally all the same people. There's not one person that one of us talks to that the other doesn't. And doesn't henry not really talk to you anymore cause he didn't want you to get killed?"

"Oh great! So he doesn't want anything to happen to me, but he's fine with you dying"

Bose could feel your hand get tighter around his.

In a way, he was glad that you were finally speaking, but now you're just spiraling, and it's turning into a panic attack.

He tried to hold out for as long as he could, continuing to listen to you. He never really knew what to do when you would have panic attacks. He's usually pretty awkward himself when it comes to comforting you (-- anyone) when it comes to crying.

You never cared tho. all you needed was him. Just his presence helps more then he'll ever know.

"Ow-" he breathed trying to pull his arm away. "Y/n...."

you couldnt even hear him.

Your hearing was fading in and out, you could barely even hear yourself. Your body was practically numb that you didnt even feel that you were still holding onto your boyfriends hand.

"Babe" he says a bit sterner.

Nothing.

"Y/n stop that frickin hurts!"

That got your attention.

You immediately let go and look at his hand and wrist thats now red. "Fuck-shit, im so sorry. i didn't mean to i swear i- i"

it was all too much.

You were thinking about too much at once, and now you felt guilty.

Bose could feel how hot you were just from when your hand was on his.

"Hey, hey no its ok. Just... try to calm down a bit. ill be right back."

You bit your lower lip and nodded while you watched him as he left the room.

By the time he came back, you were a lot calmer then you were a few minutes ago.

"Here lift your hair up for a second" bose says from behind you.

Soon after you lift your hair up, you feel a cold and slightly damp sensation on the back of your neck.

When you hear him say "ok" you put your hair back down.

"I just put a cold wash cloth on your neck. My mom used to do it to me all the time in the summer as a kid when i would get hot in my sleep. Also, I got you some water and goldfish" he says handing the water and goldfish to you.

You put your fresh cup of water on the nightstand after taking a sip of it and set your goldfish in the middle of you and bose. "Thank you. And im sorry again" you apologize before taking his wrist in your hands, rubbing it with your thumbs.

Bose shifts his body to lay down again but still proped up. "Come here sweets" he says pulling you to sit in between his legs before he hands you his tv remote and tells you to put something on.

"I love you" you kiss his hand. "So much"

"And i love you" he kisses the nape of your neck. "So much"

[shortystack75]

I just did my annual rewatch of Stars Align aka Hoshiai No Sora and now I once again have too many thoughts. Anyone seeing this is now the victim.

So basically this post is gonna be a long post explaining a tierlist I made for the kids and how they were effected by their parent/s. I made the tierlist at like 3am this morning and immediately passed out while working through my thought processes

OTHER PEOPLE ARE WELCOME TO READ MY RAMBLES TOO IT'S PRETTY ACCESSIBLE BC I EXPLAIN EVERYTHING

So I'm actually going to go from the bottom and work my way up bc I have so many more uncoordinated thoughts about Touma, Tsubasa, and Nao than anyone else.

RINTARO His adoptive parents have done everything right, he and they are delights. his main issue is the FACT that he's adopted. he feels like there's something inherently wrong with him that caused his birth parents to not want him. at the end of the series his birth mother gets ahold of his adoptive parents and wants to meet him, its assumed she shows up at the tournament but leaves before he can catch up to her, making him believe that because he lost his match she doesn't think he's worth even meeting. And yea I'm with the theory that he's Touma's twin and that makes his mom Rintaro's mom and boy would that fuck him up even more and I so wish we could've gotten our original 24 episodes. Overall his ACTUAL parents that he grew up with and currently have did not cause his problems so 10/10 love them sm

Arashi + Class Pres They are rich kids and though we dont see them being effected by this very much i assume they are negatively effected but overall their parents are probably okay

TAIYO Very soft spoken and probably would roll over and die if a bully or mugger approached him. His parents, while very well-meaning, dote on him in a way that probably killed any kind of confidence he had. "It's okay if you dont win" WOULD be good parent words, but they were followed up with "tennis is a two person sport, so its not your fault if your partner messes up" Taiyo actually scolds them for this which made me really happy, as by saying this not only are they making a dig at his friend and partner(who does not need anyone hurting him anymore goddamn), but also could be interpreted as if they do win then it could be all his partner and not him Overall 8/10 this boy just needs more confidence and screentime

ITSUKI He was hard to place because his parent situation has already been handled actually. he got todorokied as a kid. When he was a baby, his mother clearly suffered from some pretty hard postnatal depression, and possibly other stuff, and poured boiling water onto his back. this left him with some pretty horrific back scars that he actually doesn't mind but he clearly doesn't like talking about it, as shown in the show by him not changing in the club room until about halfway through the show, after he'd already known the MC Maki for a while. He's shown to have a very easy trigger to violence however when people belittle his homelife. Without even knowing about his mother, some bullies come talk down to him about his mother being out of the picture and his response was to bash them over the head with his racket 8/10 Current situation, we never see his dad but we can assume he's doing a decent job as a father bc Itsuki and Namie are actually kinda well adjusted despite his lil aggro moment

Mitsue Mitsue is not part of the tennis club but hands around them as the only people she can stand coughcoughADMITTHEY'REYOURFRIENDSLOSERcoughcough and uses their matches as inspiration for drawing. Her parents belittle her passion for drawing and tell her seemingly often that she'll never go anywhere in life, its implied that she starts hanging around the tennis club and Maki's house to get away from her parents as long as possible until she actually starts liking them

Yuu Yuu is a canonicaly non-binary/X-gender character and i love them but their mom is transphobic and yelled at them and was really shitty i hope she dies. not directly related to their mother, but we also see other students bullying them for being gay (no one other than Maki, their mother, and their sisters find out about them not being cis, but most people seem to know theyre gay or at least suspect it) they are physically harassed early on, only to have a friend, Touma, step in and literally scare off the bullies(more on that when we get to him) and towards the middle of the show some other sports guys come into the tennis team's room to talk and start to make comments on Yuu being gay. This is immediately shut down by several of the tennis club members showing their clear support for them at least in the gay sense.

SHINGO His mother is either dead or otherwise out of the picture completely but there seems to be no ill will from him or his father, who remarried. Father is great and supportive of him. His step-mother however... She's constantly comparing him to his mother who she clearly doesnt like and wants as little to do with him as possible. Shingo has a little half-sister whom he adores and she adores him right back, but his step-mom HATES them interacting and does everything she can to discourage it, despite his little sister's clear adoration and love for him. He overall isn't super outwardly very effected by her, but is still clearly put-out by her random hate towards him and likely feels very uncomfortable in her presence. 6.5/10 overall, 9/10 dad but 4/10 step-mom who gets a"Not being as bad as you could've been" award

Now we're getting spicy

MAKI Our main character Maki! He's an overall quiet but pleasant person who has a very realistic outlook on life. His single mother is amazing towards him but works very long hours at her job and so most of the chores fall into him, not that he minds all that much, when he was younger he was often looked after by his mother's friend Shou, a canonical transman that lead Maki to be very informed about gender and was just what Yuu needed. His father however.... physically and financially abusive. despite being divorced he shows up at their apartment when he knows his exwife wont be at home to steal money from them and be mean to Maki. in the after credits scene of the first episode he hits maki so hard something in his mouth starts bleeding(he likely bit his tongue or a part of his cheek) and he curls up into a ball and waits for him to leave. He's terrified of this man. Later in the show he shows up to terrorize maki again and Touma, Maki's doubles partner, gets involved to put an end to it. Throughout the exchange Maki is practically cowering behind Touma which is so jarring because Maki's normal demeanor is so nonchalant and calm. It's implied he's been abused for as long as he could remember to some extent. We see a couple other time that he has an interesting reaction to threats and violence, such as another character threatening him with a racket(he doesn't react and simply says "Use your hands") or upon learning Itsuki bludgeoned a guy with his racket(tells him not to break the equipment because its expensive) Oh also his mother is in the process of getting a restraining order but its not in place yet Mom and Shou are 8/10, dad is 0/10, overall 4/10 experience for our sadboy Maki

TOUMA He's some kind of neurospicy i just know it. His father is ??? never see this man but we know he;s in the household, i think he travels for work or smth cause its mentioned he's rarely at home His mother HATES him. like for no reason. She gives us a lot of vague words she says to his older brother, who seems to be Touma's only positive family relation, at one point she says that he scares her but she also yells at him all the time and compares him to his brother and basically constantly belittles him for no reason. He seems to blame everything on himself but silently. When the tennis team isn't doing good he blows up be throwing his racket on the ground and storming away, but later reveals to his brother that he thinks its his fault and that he's a bad captain. Similarly, when the team is having a celebration he stays to the edges and explains to Yuu that he doesn't like being around people who are having fun because he feels like he's going to ruin it be engaging. We can actually tie this into a little moment he has with Maki during a game when Maki turns to him exactly and goes "I really love tennis!" and Touma stands there with awe on his face as if he couldn't imagine someone having fun by playing with him. Speaking of Yuu, back when he scared off the bullies, 2/3 of the bullies were IMMEDIATELY scared upon seeing him walk up, they told the third one that "Everyone knows he's a psycho" while Touma stands there with a blank face. This coupled with how his mother talks about him makes me think he's had a little bit of a violent streak that may be linked to autistic breakdowns Back to his mother, it is revealed at the end that there's a third brother we've never seen or heard of when we get a scene of his mother and older brother talking. his brother says "I love both of my little brothers" and later that episode his mom calls him to tell him she's divorcing his dad and taking his older brother with her. I just know he'd be even more messed up if Rintaro ends up being his twin brother. Anyway his dad is 4/10 for absence and his mom is 1/10 for doing the bare minimum (really sad that she has any points at all). Overall 2.5/10

TSUBASA he's my little crunchy guy i love him so much We very very briefly see his mother have worry for him at a bad moment but never goes after him when he runs away and she never seems to check on him at any other point. The bad moment is when he falls down the stairs. Specifically he is hit in the face by his father so hard (on a flight of stairs) that he slams into the wall and then loses his balance and falls backwards onto his dominant wrist hard enough to break it. Let me backtrack a bit. at about 2/3 through the anime, we get a scene of him at home watching tv with his 2 older brothers. His dad comes through the door and the music stops, all three boys look tense but Tsubasa specifically immediately gets a fearful look and when addressed by his dad tries to leave the room. Tsubasa is a very loud and confrontational person, likely caused by his dad's toxic masculinity, and says something that isn't important but causes his father to follow him and grab his wrist so hard he looks in pain. What follows is the stair incident. He then runs out of the house in the middle of the night and ends up in front of Shingo's house. Shingo is his tennis partner. Shingo sees him, Tsubasa tries to run away but is quickly caught by the hurt wrist. After Shingo realizes he's hurt he immediately gets his dad to take Tsubasa to the hospital. When the doctor asks if anyone else was involved, Tsubasa denies this and calls himself an idiot with the most heart wrenching expression on his face i swear. He later confesses to Shingo he's sure his dad hates him all because he's not as good at soccer as his older brothers, and blames himself for Shingo not being able to play in the upcoming tournament. When asked why he came to Shingo's house he responds with "I didn't know where else to go" Which makes me want to hit someone, personally. At the start of the series there a part where he raises his racket as if to strike Maki with it, but backs down when Maki doesn't even flinch. I'm taking this to mean he was never actually planning to hit Maki, but acting big and threatening violence is likely something he learned from his dad. When it doesn't work he immediately backs down and leaves the situation, similar to how he acts with his dad. He's also one of the few we see get physical with anyone else. Barring Itsuki and the racket incident, Tsubasa is the only member of the tennis team to threaten another middle schooler. In the club room incident where Yuu was starting to be harassed, Tsubasa was one of the three (Touma and Maki were not present) out of 6 members to intervene. While Shingo and Itsuki told the other boy off and insulted him in turn, Tsubasa actually got up in his space and grabbed a hold of the other boy's face, lightly shoving him. The other boys immediately backed down after this like Tsubasa was assuming they would, like how he learned to behave with his father. Mom is like 4/10 for being useless 🎉and Father is 0/10 for an overall score of 2/10!!!

and now... for NAO My head is in my hands over him So to start, he's an only child and his father is distant and doesn't seem to interact with him or care for him whatsoever(unlike with Tsubasa and hopefully Touma, he's somehow being an absent parent while sitting right! next! to! him!!!), leaving him with no help or reprieve at home from his monster of a mother. She never physically hurts or lays a hand on him from what we've seen but she clearly has deep-rooted mental and emotional manipulation that has negatively effected Nao very deeply. We see a lot of signs early on that we brush away as little quirks he has, such as telling a lot of lies or "fairy tales" as the tennis club likes to call them, staring off into space, or even just looking impassively at what transpires around him as if he wasn't apart if it. That's right this boy disassociates. hard. His mother, to put it lightly, is an extremely controlling and authoritarian parent who wants to hand steer every little thing he thinks, feels, and does. She's constantly complaining to the principal about the club and lying or exaggerating in order for club activities to be suspended or halted because she doesn't think he gets anything from playing and would rather he spend all his time studying. Speaking of studying, that's what she has him do constantly at home. His room doesn't look like that of a middle school boy. It has a desk, a bed, and a dresser. I would even go so far as to say some of his spacey-ness comes from exhaustion. who knows how long she has him studying every night, and its revealed he gets up early so he can go on runs and practice swinging because she doesn't let him after he gets home from school. All of this feeds into his lies. He's learned that whenever he tells her the truth he gets yelled at and belittled and punished. So he lies. he tells her what he thinks she'll want to here and this bleeds into all of his relationships. Upon meeting Maki he lies immediately, something broad to appeal to everyone, but its called out by the rest of the club and he just sits there smiling through it all while looking at the sky. He's left handed and she hates that. He uses his left hand to eat once and she yells at him, making him freeze up and pull his right arm into his center, almost mimicking the fetal position. SPEAKING of eating... boy unintentionally has an eating disorder. We are shown multiple times when he is at home he pushes his food around his plate and eats little to none of it. While there are other scenes of him with food away from his mother, I dont think he's actually specifically shown eating then either, and could've easily not eaten anything there. OKAY so onto the really scary/sad part. There's a part where Shingo brings his little sister to watch their practice game with the girls' team, and she gets lost in the school. She ends up found sleeping in the nurses office, but they skipped over it bc the door was locked and figured she couldn't have gotten in there. They only find her when Maki hears the keys jingle in Nao's pocket and realizes he locked her in there. Nao himself seemed shocked that he had the keys and was the one to lock her in there. His mom had been yelling about the practice game and wanting it cancelled the night before. He found her, and instead of telling everyone or waking her up, he disociated and locked the door, than lied that he hadn't seen her. He seemed so shocked that Maki even thinks that he'd thought his own lie was real. Think of how scary that is. I also think he's neurospicy which his mom would absolutely fuck up even more but thats just me things Dad gets a 3/10 for personally pissing me off and his mom gets a funny lil 0/10 along with the two other shittiest parents. Overall a 1.5/10!!!

In all seriousness In my own little world most of them move in together and share an apartment. Yes ive seen the extra scenes no I dont care im ignoring them.

[birdybirdnerd]

Midnight for spence, secret for Nance, wound for raph-nce (I had to keep the bit going)

ALRIGHT sorry i had to wait till i could be somewhere with wifi to do this

oc asks: not so nice edition!

Midnight: What keeps your OC up at night? Do they have nightmares? Fears? Anxieties? What do they do in the small hours of the morning when they should be sleeping?

changes over the course of parable actors. before meeting up with the brigade, spencer has a lot of anxieties about his parable, nightmares about endless looping hallways and being alone and not mattering to anyone. nightmares about waking back up there specifically, all the hard work hes put into becoming his own person erased like it never happened. he uh, did a lot of late night wandering whenever it kept him up, or drank himself unconscious. not good!

after basically adopting gidget, his anxieties turned towards 'oh god oh fuck this person needs someone put together to help them and im a mess, this is a mistake, im gonna fuck them up irreversibly and just continue to traumatize this poor traumatized kid and that is the LAST thing i want'

things get a lot better for awhile there, until, of course, the end of reset the actors, when his fucking narrator returns and now spencer needs to handle this and deal with this and figure things out and he cant impose this bastard on other people, he can take care of it himself, and god hes so annoying and awful but hes too pathetic to just drop off on the street and wipe my hands of the whole thing, and id feel like a fucking fraud if i didnt give him a second chance but now the nightmares from when i first left the parable are back and theyre mixing with new ones where nansen somehow figures out how to go back and drags me back and it was all for nothing, ill never see the others again, oh god-

so uh. yeah. he quit drinking for awhile there for gidget, but nancys return marks a return of his alcoholism (for a bit. they all get their shit together again thank god and spencer never, ever again touches the stuff except for a Single glass of champagne/wine at a particularly fancy dinner or party, maybe once a year at most)

Secret: What's one secret your OC never wants anyone to know about them?

nancy admits this to dr joy one session, and no one else.

when he first saw spencer in the falling-apart parable the coalition had made their base, when the rescue attempt for the narrator was in full swing, when hed spent years with a slowly dawning horror at what the other versions of him had done, and what that corrupted parable leading the charge was doing,

he was so, so close. seconds away, even. from grabbing spencer and running and not stopping until they were back, safe, in their own parable

he would have done it, if spencer hadnt interrupted him to demand his help in finding gidget

Wound: How does your OC handle being wounded? Are their wounds mostly physical? Mental? Emotional? What's the worst wound your OC has ever experienced?

raph is a HUUUUGE drama queen and makes a mountain out of a molehill to cope. the more dramatic she is about something though, the less serious it actually is

but when shes really, actually hurt, she tends to retreat. hide it. put on a smile and act like nothings wrong, what are you talking about? this goes for both physical and emotional hurts, too; shell work on a twisted ankle or a pulled muscle until the pain is literally too much for her to even move, and keep forging onwards when her head is a disaster zone until the depression is so thick and murky she cant see a way out of bed in the morning

dont think shes had any suuuper serious physical injuries, maybe needed stitches from falls on set or casts for fractured bones. shes pretty hardy, even if she can be kind of a clutz

emotionally, the worst shes been would have to be... hm. sometime maybe a few months before the brigade formed, i can see her having started her transition months prior. shes been part of this theater/drag group for almost a year now, surrounded by people so, so much like her that love her so much. helping her figure her way out in the world, and in herself. odette dotes on her, is supportive, helps her get on hormones and become more comfortable with herself.

estrogen therapy comes with increased mood swings, heightened emotions, and raph already has bipolar disorder. she feels so much all the time, and the hormones make that stronger, and one day she realizes all the good she has and how different everything is and shes faced in the mirror with the face of someone she can actually love-

and she suddenly feels like a fraud. shes a fake. shes not human, shes not one of these girls. she was made to press buttons, was made as a vessel for the players enjoyment of a game that wasnt even fun anymore, none of them had to go through what she did and she cant even tell them, shes crazy, shes nothing, her narrator was right-

big bad mood swing. bed bound for weeks. raph loses a lot of weight, burns some bridges when the only energy spikes she gets are to yell at the people she loves with all her heart (those bridges reform, i promise, amends are made and therapy helps all). its bad, and the only reason she didnt fully waste away was that odette never once gave up on her, despite rows and no responses.

raph still feels so terribly guilty about this, but has worked to be at peace with herself over it since then

[aslongasimhereyoureinvincible]

what are your neurodivergent headcanons for hq characters?

asdfjhgfds sorry this has been in my askbox for a few days ive been busy w/ Life Stuff TM but anyways ND haikyuu headcanons lets gooo

hinata:

ik bc hes Sunshiney and Loud lots of ppl read hinata as adhd, which i can deffo see, but personally i read him as autistic

hes extroverted and good at adopting introverts (kageyama, kenma, yachi, tsukki) but when u stop to think abt it hes also actually kinda bad at social ques and 'normal' behaviour?? i think ppl dont notice bc hes also rlly nice but hinata is actually pretty blunt lmao

his special interest is literally volleyball cmon now

its canon that he dislikes being in classes too long or doing homework bc he finds sitting still for too long difficult, both me and my autistic older brother used to get up and pace around our classrooms when we were younger

even though hes rlly athletic and has insane reflexes obviously, hes also pretty clusmy and especially bad at judging distances which to me looks like dyspraxia which is really commonly comorbid w/ autism

ive also read a few fics where he has tourettes syndrome w/ body tic and i can deffo see why ppl would hc that

idk hes just reads as autistic so well in my mind like idk why its not a more common take

kageyama:

this one is less of a headcanon and moreso just interpreting the text correctly; hes definitely autistic

like its my belief that furudate either knowingly wrote kageyama as autistic or like based his personality off of an irl autistic person they knew or SOMETHING bc its actually insane how well he reads as autistic

the lack of social skills? the anger issues? the deep special interest in volleyball? the just wanting to express your feelings/opinions but coming off as rude but not knowing how to fix that? middle school being a living hell? having that one family member who Got you? the high level of skill in one particular area? hes literally the texboox definition of autism

even the little things like how he files his nails and jokes go over his head and he accidentally insults ppl bc hes calling it how he sees it and how he basically had no friends growing up bc he was too focused on volleyball and how he struggles to smile on command like!!! thats autism babe!!!!!!

oh also hes dyslexic bc im dyslexic and i say so

ushijima:

same as kageyama i bet he was either knowing written as autistic or based off of an irl person who is

blunt as all hell, monotone voice and facial expressions, volleyball as a special interest, bad at social interaction, accidentally rude, the list goes on and on

like his whole thing about how his left handedness makes him different but is also a gift that benefits him in some ways? thats a metaphor for neurodivergency dont @ me

oikawa:

i hc him as having narcisstic personality disorder, not in the ableist reddit-user 'all ppl w/ npd are evil manipulative abusers' way but in the ' i have npd and know what it actually looks like' way

hiding massive insecurities by acting like youre amazing?? that fuckin marina lyric thats like 'i feel like im the worst so i always act like im the best'?? that was abt oikawa tooru and npd

feeling threatened the second someone as good or better than you shows up? fixating on one specific thing that you have to be the best at? those are npd as fuck traits

the way he can basically get along with anyone and adjust his play style to suit them but only has a few close friendships where he can let his true personality rlly shine through

hes literally so npd coded augh <3

bokuto:

i read him as adhd and having cyclothymia

i think he was unmedicated in high school and unknowingly had depressive and hypomanic episodes which affected his play

he also very much reads as having rejection sensitive dysphoria if u ask me

and the way he talks and bounces around and has All That Damn Energy gives me adhd vibes, esp pared w/ his poor volume control ad the way he ignores social cues lol

okay quickfire round bc im getting tired of typing

atsumu is autistic, so is osamu for that matter, theyre just at very different points on the spectrum and rub each other up the wrong way a lot of the time bc of it

kita is also autistic bc no neurodivergent person is that particular about doing things the 'right' way

hoshiumi is autistic and adhd

asahi and yamaguchi read like they struggled w/ anxiety and depression

sakusa has ocpd and ocd (contamination ocd specifically) and mysophobia

kyoutani has aspd, again not in a 'aspd = violent agressive psychopaths' way but in a 'i actually have a cluster b personality disorder' way, and adhd also

kenma is autistic and has social anxiety

yachi has social anxiety too bc cmon now

tsukki reads to me as having chronic depression, i think i could also make a case for him being autistic too ngl

tendou is some flavour of neurodivergent, probally audhd, probably some other stuff, idk but hes definitely not neurotypical

like hinata, lev reads as autistic to me even tho hes got that goodball energy thatd make lots of ppl read him as adhd bc like,, he just fuckin sucks at social interaction like he is accidentally rude all the damn time lmaoo

fukunaga and aone are both autistic w/ selective mutism and/or partial to moderate non-verbalness

obviously its none of my business and i think having headcanons abt irl ppl is Fucking Weird but i wouldnt be surprised if furudate themself was autistic bc truly so many characters in haikyuu can be read that way if u ask me, although maybe im just projecting lol

[slymewitch]

Christmas Carol autism rant

Honestly of all the stories and songs and such that get oversaturated during christmas, I unironically enjoy how many versions of A Christmas Carol there are. Not only because its a good story in general, but because unlike something like Rudolph, every single version has a uniqueness to them. The simplicity of the plot allows for so much messing around with the setting, the timeline, the mood, its all so malleable. And then there are the characters. Scrooge, Marley, and the ghosts specifically are all fairly simple archetypes, but because of their simplicity, each variant of the story can expand on said archetypes however they want, heck they can even completely zigzag the archetypes and put something completely different in the slot of one of the characters. Especially for the ghosts. Usually they’ll just go with the archetypes of angel, santa, death, but every single version gives the trio their own flavor. An angel can be a lot of things, like a girl, or a candle, or a dirty taxi driver, or the Eleventh Doctor. But Scrooge himself is probably the most interesting. Compared to the other characters in the story, he’s the one that changes the least between each adaptation on the surface. Grumpy old man, hates christmas, greedy, bad childhood, bad friends, bad breakup, the works. These guidelines are mostly unflinchingly rigid, but the exact brand of bitterness, and the details of the events, are left up to whoever’s writing. My favorite version by far though is unironically the Muppets version. Unlike most other adaptations, Scrooge doesn’t seem that hateful in that version. He still does the same greedy and evil crap as the other Scrooges, but he isn’t as angry as the rest are. You don’t get the impression that he hates anyone, and he seems more depressed than anything else. Even when he outright says that poor people should die, he just sounds done. Like he’s only saying it because he doesn’t care enough to filter what he says. And of all other Scrooge’s he’s the most willing to change. When he’s shown his past he immediately brightens up upon seeing simpler, more familiar times. When hes with the ghost of christmas present and sees the cratchets and his nephew, he makes the least wisecracks of any other Scrooge, and seems genuinely hurt by how lowly people think of him. And when yet to come arrives, he goes with him willingly, knowing that this is something he must face if he wants to be saved. Oh yeah, if you can’t tell, the muppets version is my favorite, the Marleys scene solidified Statler and Waldorf as my favorite muppets and is easily the highlight of the movie for me. But for some close contenders, George C Scott’s version is definitely the creepiest version Ive ever seen and it gives a lot more context about Scrooge’s life than most others. The Ghost of Christmas present is surprisingly intimidating, and dear GOD yet to come gives me chills. It’s strange how much mileage you can get out of a creaking gate sound effect. The Doctor Who version is also a personal favorite for being both weird and clever at the same time. Weird because its on an alien planet where sharks float in the air and can be used to drive chariots, but still SUPER clever for how it screws around with the story. I dont want to spoil too much, mostly because I want an excuse to not explain how bonkers the story is, but the way they mess with the “past present and future” theming is genius, because of course it was this is doctor who we’re talking about. And of course theres Spirited which is also extremely clever with how it messes with the story, but is also just really fun and charming to watch.

I’ve already written so much that I do not have the energy for a well written conclusion so uh, my point is that Christmas Carol adaptations are awesome despite the fact they probably shouldn’t be, and um…stay hydrated!

[my-castles-crumbling]

hey cas,

so, i dont really know exactly how to word things right so please bear with me while i try to explain a bit.

i think i have bipolar disorder (or something similar, im still looking into things), but i dont know if im just going crazy and imagining things. theres not really anyone in my life i can talk to about it to gauge their opinion, so im kind of left by myself to deal with it.

i dont have a trusted adult or loved one i can go to for help, and ive not been to a doctor since probably 2017 at the latest so im not even sure who id be making an appointment with to discuss anything like this. ive considered trying to get myself into therapy but im afraid that if i go in saying that i think im bipolar and have other mental illnesses (im about 99% certain i have anxiety and likely some sort of depressive disorder too, but that might be more linked with the mood swings of bipolar) that its the wrong way to go about it? like, i might just be really ignorant but i dont think thats how therapy works is it?

basically im worried that if i go in saying the disorders i think i have, then theyll tell me im exaggerating or that i need other people to back me up or that i do need to see my gp doctor (which, again, i dont actually think i have one) or that it isnt my place to try to diagnose myself etc.

im not really sure what im asking here? maybe if you have any advice/experience about what therapy is actually like or what i could expect? or a better way to go about getting help? i really dont know honestly aha, sorry

Well, you've definitely come to the right place lol, I've been to and ghosted many a therapist! (Don't ghost your therapist!)

Actually, recently I started therapy again and it's been a great experience, so let me tell you about it. Warning: I live in the US, so if you live elsewhere, it might be different.

When you start therapy, they're going to ask you a LOT of questions. Lots about your background, your childhood, your feelings, etc. It'll feel a bit invasive, but make sure to be honest! Like brutally honest. Like if you're like...'I might be feeling this way but idk if I'm faking..' tell them that. They need to know everything.

Then, if you're a minor, they'll talk to your parents and get their insight. If you have issues with your parents, make sure to tell them that BEFORE this part happens, so they can take what your parents say with a grain of salt.

Last, they'll give you a 'tentative diagnosis.' This means that this is what they think you have, but it's not a die-hard medical diagnosis. They'll treat you based on this, but if you ever wanted accommodations in school or anything for it, you would have to go to a clinical psychiatrist to get it written up.

Here's the thing: the diagnosis my surprise you or even make you feel invalidated. If it does? Tell them that. Because, two things: One- they may have gotten something wrong. Or two- they need to know if you aren't understanding something fully.

To be very personal, I am diagnosed with both depression and anxiety. When I started therapy recently and again got those diagnoses, I wasn't surprised. But I also was told I have 'illness-anxiety disorder' which is the new term for a hypochondriac. I was super insulted because I was picturing the stereotypical hypochondriac who fakes illnesses for attention (this was uneducated of me) but my therapist explained that this version of anxiety more means that I have a lot of anxiety related to being nervous to get sick or the results of getting sick. Which was like- oh. yeah. I do panic every time someone sneezes on me. My therapist said this has become increasingly common since COVID.

All this to say it sounds like seeking out therapy might be a great way for you to get the answers you're looking for. But even if they're not the answers you think they'll be, remember that your feelings and experiences are still extremely valid and no less real.

<3 <3 <3

[rexecutioner]

Ok so I’ve been here for a while and I just remembered I never did an introduction post!!

My online name is Rex, I use They/He pronouns (transmasc), and I am a minor. I am fine with adults interacting with my content, but please don’t get out of line. I am a white American who is not proud of my country at all. Overturn Project 2025 please!!

I claim to be the “#3 Vylad fan of all time” but that’s just so I can really emphasize how much I love the character. I wont attack you if you say you like him more than me. It’s just for fun lol

I am an artist, but I do rant/write on a whim every now and then, and have multiple story/game ideas in mind.

My content will usually be Aphmau related, but some of my other interests include:

Life Series (I watch any povs)

Minecraft Story Mode (Lukas is awesome)

Rainworld (I love you Rivulet)

Will Wood (AGAGAGGAGAGAGAGGG)

Dnd (my current campaign has been running for almost two years now)

Splatoon (TEAM FUTURE FTW)

My Ocs (Specifically Rory and Harold, feel free to ask about them!)

FnaF (not as active anymore, will be hyped when more stuff comes out)

Technical Theater (I have been a Techie for about four years now, doing tech for every school show I can)

Cosplay (Specifically Vylad, I really want to cosplay)

Vylad Ro’Meave in general (he is my favorite)

and other assorted interests that may pop up at some point.

This blog is technically a side blog? I’ve abandoned my main blog so my asks will always be anonymous and my Likes will show up under a different name. I have left that blog behind me.

I am Asexual and Transmasc, I don’t really have a name for my romantic attraction yet but I do know that it does not include men.

Just because I am a minor does not mean I’m stupid or uneducated. I can and will talk about topics that include more heavy stuff like depression and mental issues, along with slightly more gorey stuff and Cults. (THAT DOES NOT MEAN I AM DESENSITIZED TO GORE. DONT GO SENDING ME THAT SHIT OUT OF NOWHERE.) People tend to forget minors are anyone under the age of 18. Don’t worry though, I’m not an 11 year old in disguise lol.

I tend to be very interactive in the Fandom and like to like or reblog other people’s art or writing, as well as the occasional comment. Feel free to send me asks! Please do not DM me most times. If it can be said in a comment or ask, do that instead.

I have pretty moderate anxiety, so if I will probably not answer DMs. Asks are very welcome though! Please try to be kind, if I want criticism on art or writing I will ask for it.

I am very open minded, and if you feel the need to have a debate with me, I am not immune to changing my mind on some things. (Aka everyone is wrong sometimes, I used to ship Mennard. Sorry fnaf fans I was weird in 2020)

DNI: transphobes, homophobes, racists, anti-Palestine or Ukraine, pedophiles, pro-shippers, ect ect the whole fuck terrible people shebang.

FREE PALESTINE!! FREE UKRAINE!! FREE CONGO!! FUCK GENOCIDE!! FUCK OPPRESSION!! Have a pleasant day!

[stellawolfearts]

My turn, bestie~ 🦾💤!! Any character(s) of your choice >:3

*TACKLE HUGS YOU* HI BESTIE!!!!!

JOKES ON YOU IM TALKING ABOUT EVERYONE NOW MWAHAHAHA

🦾 A disability headcanon

Hmm, i dont know much about physical disabilities like i do mental, so i dont write them often in case i say or do something wrong with the subject.

cause Red, Nezha and SWK are autistic in my mind. Macaque has depression, Mk is Audhd and Mei is Adhd. Tang is also Autism. Swk is also Dyslexic.

hmmm, the other disabilities i have in mind for these characters would probably be Nezha's Magic limitations, where he has so much of it that if he lets it overflow his body will litterally shatter and revert to a lotus till he can reform. I sometimes like to think that when Erlang stabbed his spear through Swk's shoulders swk still has chronic pain from that bc it was left there for hours to keep him from fighting and drag him to heaven.

Nezha gets aches in his chest sometimes from...well yeah. that whole situation. Macaque gets cold sometimes, at least back when he still had lbd's magic in him. he'd get really really cold whenever he's upset, cold enough he needs a blanket. and its mostly bc of her magic reaction to negative emotions.

dats all i got tho

💤 A headcanon about their sleep

O.....oh ari >:)

you know im gonna go hard on this one.

Macaque, Nezha, Swk, Mk, Red and Mei all suffer from nightmares.

Macaque has nightmares about swk hunting him down to "send him back to the land of the dead" or about the day h was killed. and in Tangled star's case. He gets nightmares about Swk taking away Xiaohua.

Nezha has nightmares about his childhood, about being back in that house. About thunderstorms and dragons. roaring waters filled with the blood of his innocent friends. of the dragon e slayed coming back to swallow him whole and he's powerless to do anything about it. theres also the nightmare he has about his secret being revealed to all of heaven but that dream doesnt startle him awake screaming.

Swk has nightmares about all the bloodshed that happened on ffm, the burning, the war, then being tortured in heaven, the journey...the circlet....

he has nightmares about losing everything he has right now, even if its not much. Losing mk to the fire or some other demon. losing nezha, losing the new friends he's made . whether it be in a fight or to time.

Mk has nightmares about everything thats happened in the past, the villians winning and he failed to protect his friends. the samadhi fire...lbd. and recently he's had nightmares about being the villian...

Mei also has nightmares about lbd sometimes but she mostly dreams about losing control of the samadhi fire. whether its still possible or not. nightmares about losing Mk or any of her friends because she couldnt save them. she tured her back for one second and suddenly thier all gone.....

to fix this just grab em and let them pile on top of each other and suddenly nightmares are gone. cuddles are the most efficient to stop the nightmares. Mk and mei often have sleepovers and only sometimes play around. is mostly so they can hold each other and fall asleep.

Nezha will sometimes join them, he thinks he can handle the nightmares alone but the more time he spends with mk and mei the more time he finds himself inbetween his sibings.

he sometimes goes to swk too, swk is more used to dealing with the nightmares alone so when mk and mei realise he has nightmares too they break into his house with nezha carryign pillows and blankets and then all of them crash on top of him.

macaque. he's the one that struggles with them the most. he doesnt believe he has anyone to go to for these nightmares so even if he desperatly wants help he doesnt have anyone to go to. even as he sobs and holds himself on his bed and begs silently for help no one will come.

Then mk and mei find out about the nightmares and kidnap him.

they drag him to ffm where nezha and swk are already set up, they seperate swk and mac bc of the subject of macs nightmares and then plop on top of him. Lil Nezha stays with swk.

fluffy monkey makes good matress. and he's nice and cold so thats a plus.

macaque hasn't slept this well in AGES.

Swk is wondering how mk managed to move so much in his sleep his head is on Macs chest and his legs are on swk's chest.

swk and mac laugh at mk and mei takes a picture.

Thier healing, its slow and hard but their healing....

FUCKING HELL ARI IM WRITING A ONESHOT FOR THIS AFTER HOEMWORK JESUS CHRIST THIS IS GOOD.

[bridgyrose]

Ruby is told by her doctor she has genetic deppression, and it was inherited from Summer.

(That isnt how depression works, but.... I think this still gets the point across)

“You certainly seem to have depression, Miss Rose,” the therapist said as he looked through his charts. “Do you know if anyone in your family has depression as well?” 

Ruby tapped her foot as she tried to think back, her fingers fumbled with her wristbands that covered cut marks on her wrist. “I… I dont think so. I mean dad had a point when we were younger that he wasnt around much after mom died, but… No.” 

“What about your sister? Or your mother?” 

Ruby shook her head. “Yang doesnt. But mom… I dont know but I dont think so.” 

The therapist nodded and flipped through a few pages on his clipboard. “The type of depression you have is usually hereditary. Not necessarily a surety that you will have it, but makes it more likely. If your father didnt have depression-” 

“I’m not depressed.” Ruby pulled the sleeve of her shirt down to cover her cut marks as she stood up. “I’m here because of my anxiety, nothing else.” 

“Your family is worried about you.” 

“And now you can tell them I’m fine.” 

The therapist sighed and sat his clipboard down. “And your sister made it clear that you havent been yourself lately. You’ve been pulling yourself away from everyone who cares about you, coming back with injuries you cant explain, and I’ve been doing this long enough to know when someone is trying to hide what they’ve been doing to themselves.” 

Ruby looked away and started to make her way to the door, pausing when she took hold of the doorknob. “I want to end our session here.” 

“You still have another forty minutes-” 

“And I want to end our session here.” Ruby opened the door and took a deep breath. “I’ll see you next week, but only if we talk about my anxiety.” 

“Then I’ll see you here next week, same time.” 

Ruby shut the door behind her as she walked out of the therapist’s office, more upset than when she had come in. Every week she looked forward to the appointments she had to help with her anxiety, ready for anything that could help her get over her issues with leading her team. 

“Depression,” Ruby scoffed to herself. “He doesnt know what he’s talking about.” 

She made her way out of the building and walked down the streets of Vale, hands in her pockets as she felt the cool fall breeze across her face. A quiet sigh left her lips as she quietly made her way back to her apartment, her thoughts already starting to spiral again as she started to think about her last mission. She had failed to keep the village she was hired to protect safe, Weiss was missing, she could barely lead her own team… everything had gone so wrong so quick and there wasnt anything she could’ve done.

“You really think you’re still cut out to be a huntress, dont you?” 

Ruby stopped in her tracks as she turned to face Roman. “What do you want? I will arrest you-” 

“No need for the threats, Red,” Roman said as he put his hands in the air, keeping hold of his cane. “I heard about your recent… failure, and wanted to offer my condolences. And maybe something to help take the edge off.” 

“And what makes you think I need anything from you?” 

“Because I’ve been watching you from the shadows, Red. You’re lost, just a shell of yourself, lost a friend that you might never find again. All *I* want to do, is help. After all, you have kept me and Neo around for information.” 

Ruby froze as she watched Roman hand over a small bottle of pills, her hand shaking as she took it from him to look it over. “I dont need pills, I need information. If you cant help me find Weiss-” 

“Red, have I ever let you down?” Roman smirked and leaned against his cane. “I’ll find information on your precious teammate. But until then, use those to dull the pain you feel.” 

Ruby rolled her eyes and pocketed the pills as she walked off, her heart pounding as she thought about Weiss. Breathing started to get harder as she felt her chest tighten, she gripped her right wrist with her left hand, digging her nails into herself as she tried to force her mind away from dwelling on Weiss being tortured by Tyrian. 

Blake put a hand on Ruby’s shoulder and gently squeezed. “Ruby? Everything okay?” 

“I’m fine!” Ruby pulled away from Blake and let go of her own wrist, hiding the blood that dripped down her arm. “I’m… fine. Rough day. What are you doing here? I thought you’d be with Yang.” 

“I was, and then she asked me to come find you.” 

Ruby frowned and rolled her eyes. “I can make it home without her babying me. We’re graduated huntresses and she still treats me like a kid.” 

“You know she cares about you,” Blake said as she moved closer to Ruby, gently taking her hand. “But I’m not here because of her. I was hoping that you would come to dinner with me.” 

“I… I dont know..” 

“You’ve been avoiding us for a week, just one night where we can catch up.” 

“One night.” Ruby sighed and gave a fake smile to Blake. “And then I need to be left alone for a bit.” 

Blake nodded and pulled Ruby close. “One night to relax.”

[kotoneshiomiofficial]

it sucks that i am committed to writing kotone as close to her canon characterization as possible, something that is tricky but doable for the others, because she really does not have many consistent characterization moments. they're either player determinant or from pq2, which have their unique issues

if you go by just p3p, assuming all social links were maxed and only aigis was romanced (the others are player determinant and ultimately, you end up with aigis anyway so im assuming platonic relations all around), you have to go by social link dialogue options and very little else. luckily, s. links have objectively correct answers and thus contain things that canonically kotone would and would not say. this at least gives us a little bit; she's kind, a good listener, and willing to show her fierce side if the needs arises (see saori's social link). but everything else?

now what we have left are the choices during s. links or story events that have NO consequences. this is where things go off the rails: depending on what you choose, you can end up with wildly different versions of the same character. for example, at multiple points, you have the choice between attempting to use violent force to solve a problem or trying to get others to help/resolve it peacefully. we see this is yukari's social link where kotone can try to straight up fight three dudes harrassing yukari, and in saori's where she can try to punch a girl who slapped saori over something that wasnt her fault.

depending on what the player chooses, we get two very different results: either someone who can and does fight well, but chooses to talk out her problems, or someone who seems almost eager to start a fight. its important to note that no one else in this entire cast except maybe akihiko displays this much willingness to throw hands. and again the problem with determinant choices: what do the choices you didn't select mean? was it something kotone was thinking about but didn't do or an abstract method of building your own protagonist? we don't know.

i mentioned pq2 earlier, and my main issue with it is despite kotone being a fully written character, we dont get any more information you couldn't get from p3p or just by looking at her. yes, she's pretty and social and bubbly and fun but she's a little sad too! and now shes back to being fun. yes, you can put together that she's pushing her own emotions down to not burden the group (as it her role in p3p to help others shoulder their burdens) but we really don't see any of it past that one scene. meanwhile in p3p, especially with ryoji near the end of the game, she can say some fairly haunting stuff. like when she's asked what lovers talk about, all she can think of a depressing or (and this is the really worrying one) pointless things. what does that mean? what is kotone's definition of a pointless thing to talk about? it could well be she deems her own emotions as "pointless" because beyond these perhaps unintentionally revealing lines, she never ever talks about how she feels. like ever.

this makes it really important to me to have a very strong interpretation of kotone in order to accurately write her (i dont mean to insult anyone, but i am not a fan of works where her personality is not pulled from the text. i once read a fic where for no reason whatsoever she was portrayed as very immature and described as "childish" and it really did not make any sense to me). so here's my take:

i think kotone is a girl who has a very carefully crafted persona of cheerful indifference; not so much "i don't care", more so "i don't mind". she's clearly okay talking with people, but has no motivation to become close until she connects with SEES (whether because of the wild card ability urging her to do so, or if you're like me and writing an alternate timeline, a golden opportunity to make friends for once.) she is genuinely kind, friendly, and a good listener, that is not a mask; rather its the non-existence of negative emotion she seems to display, using her inherent selflessness to keep everyone at arms length, to make sure things are "about her" as little as possible. she shoulders the burdens of others to avoid talking about or dealing with what burdens her.

however, that negative emotion still absolutely exists: we know she was bounced from one foster home to another, signifying neglect or worse from the parents and/or because kotone was (or perceived as) doing something wrong. this rough childhood shows us the cracks in the mask, as she can be standoffish, depressed, angry, or outright violent towards those who wrong her or the ones she loves. she doesn't want to talk to and gives a nosy girl who just wants akihiko's secrets so she can date him attitude, she's more than happy to tell maiko's parents exactly what she thinks of them, makes at least one actively suicidal comment ("i wish i was dead..." when talking to junpei and yukari), and even attempts to kill takaya after defeating him in battle. the only reason she doesn't is because aigis asks her not to.

in short, her cheerful and energetic exterior is just armor to cover up her severe depression, anger issues, and an unwillingness to open up to others (whether because she doesn't want to be vulnerable, because she doesn't trust others with how she feels, or both).

anyway. this was just a very long-winded ramble. feel free to toss in what you think in the tags, comments, whatever. i honestly love talking about characters like this and am happy to discuss

[djsangos]

✈️ AIRPLANE — have you traveled anywhere that helped you discover something about yourself and/or about the world?

🎈 BALLOON — what is something you've created and/or accomplished recently that you're proud of?

❌ CROSS MARK — how would your life be different if [name of person] had never been in it? would it be better or worse?

⚔️ CROSSED SWORDS — do you have any skills that you are absolutely grateful you have and that mean a lot to you? how do you usually use these skills? would they come in handy if someone you cared about was in trouble?

🍂 FALLEN LEAVES — how would you metaphorically describe your life and the journey(s) you've been on?

👻 GHOST — is there someone or something that you feel is missing from your life? do you know if there's any way to find it/them?

✈️ a couple years ago finding alterna with agents 1 2 and 3 and gramps was like haunting seeing what was left of humanity before they tried to escape because they were desperate to see the sky again kinda put some shit into perspective in a way i dont really have the skill to put into words somewhere between depressing and inspiring

🎈 got a fucking fire set lined up for tonights gig lets go

❌ assuming you mean the light of my life the kicker of my ass my beloved eight it would be worse in the way it would be the same as before i mean we met when we were both like 16 and also enemies we were both the villain to each others hero because we were told we were anyway circumstances in which we met and then later horrific hijinks aside she inspires me to do better and be better at being a person in ways others just hadnt been able to get through to me before and i can only hope im as inspiring to her as she is to me but then again they need less help in the being better department than i do because theyre already the best at being a person

⚔️ combat skills 100% and in tandem with those like thinking on the fly and strategy the last 2 come in handy a lot more than youd think in day to day life but all of those together yes would be very handy if anyone were in trouble

🍂 like some kind of fucked up shooter game with psychological horror elements but also a happy ending

👻 ha ha ha... i dont talk about that