#Dating abuse

[aro-culture-is]

Aro culture is sitting with your friends and flipping out at another mutual friend for getting back together with her ex (which normally wouldn't be a problem but said ex: literally had sex with her best friend and also made out with their own best friend, got mad at her for not wanting to hug them while they were holding a knife and had just finished threatening to stab her, and also broke up the day before) because none of you understand how she can be so in love with someone so horrible

... fuck. anon, this is from months ago because that's how submissions work, but: please look up resources guiding friends and family of people who are being abused in how to have those discussions.

some I found: (1), (2).

cheating repeatedly and both verbal and physical threats are all major red flags of an abusive relationship. abusers often convince their victims that only the abuser has their best interests at heart (ie, "your friends overreact so much, why do you hang out with them? they freak out about normal things. i can't imagine how stressful it is to be friends with them."), or that they're the only person who "truly" loves them ("you freak out about normal things so often, you're so lucky that i love you and put up with it." -> pushes for the victim of the abuse to assume others will leave them, causing self-isolation from those relationships... causing them to leave healthy relationships and become isolated by and codependent on their abuser)

if you do nothing else, keep in mind the two major tenants of helping a friend who is being abused are:

Do not put down the abuser to their victim. You must prioritize your friend's own feelings about the situation. You can say "hm, that doesn't sound healthy", but you cannot jump into "wow, they're such a terrible person and I hate them." Focus on their behavior, focus on how that behavior makes your friend feel, and focus on how your friend could respond to that. Do your best to avoid focusing on their character, focusing on how you feel about these behaviors, and fighting about possible responses.

Do not shame your friend. They're almost certainly feeling plenty of shame already, and it's very important to know that implied shame ("how can she be so in love with someone so terrible" puts it on her, not on "how can he be so terrible to someone who loves him", from your ask) is part of this. Focus on doing everything you can to encourage your friend to know that they can talk to you and that you will listen and not judge them. You want them to keep talking about it, because this creates a space for them to explore their feelings, discuss options about how to safely leave in the future, and... for you to create documentation. That documentation is invaluable. "[xyz] date - she said he threatened her with a knife" can create legal documentation, but also serve as a way of helping after the fact, especially if your friend is experiencing genuine gaslighting. It doesn't have to be detailed, or even complete.

getting back together is normal in these relationships - and a sign that she doesn't have the resources and support to leave yet.

[thedvwalkingwounded]

"TORTURED SOUL" SUNDAY, Classic Movies With Troubled Women Characters: No One Would Tell (1996)

Another tortured woman character in the movies. Please Like, Follow, and Share my Blog.

[lightreacher]

HELPING ONE PERSON AT A TIME

We can all reach out and help each other through volunteering. Giving a little bit of your time to a cause that means a lot to you strengthens you as a person and helps you help others. There are a lot of organizations that need help, but one that means a lot to me is The One Life Project created by Alexander Kovarovic. This program fights for teens, college students, and young adults who are…

[2000sbigbr0]

[antigonenikk]

batman perhaps the most prodigious child abuser to ever live. no wife. no biological children of his own whose lives he could destroy (at first) so he got smart. hustled. took to the streets picking up and adopting orphans and then ruining each of their lives systematically. until ofc he got sick of them and threw them out for the next best model. he was flawless in his execution of it too. these kids still want daddys attention til this very day. even after he rocks their shit or kicks them out for the millionth time. these mfs are willing to KILL each other for a chance at being daddys favorite candy baby for a week. batman truly is a sick mf i understand why joker thinks they have a connection.

[classycookiexo]

[artytaeh]

⋯ ⋯ ﹒ 🪻 ’

THEODORE NOTT— a popular slytherin, an introvert at heart, despite his reputation as a womanizer. theodore nott, who has a big, terrible communication problem.

with the pure terror of displaying his vulnerable emotions, theodore smokes cigarettes to force his emotions to disappear with the wind; bites his inner lip and cheek until his mouth bleeds, so no tears threaten to make way to his eyes.

when theodore nott cries, he stares blankly into the wall. he doesn't sob— sobbing would make him even weaker, more vulnerable, less capable and definitely useless, in his father's eyes.

silent tears are the epitome of theodore's sadness, because other than that, his sadness, stress and troubled thoughts are never known. hidden by a mask of stoic expressions.

theodore nott is 'stupid' smart. if he wasn't a slytherin at heart and soul, then he'd be a ravenclaw, or at least that's what the professors comment amongst them. theo enjoys reading, and would easily spend his afternoon on a silent, vacant corner of the castle, devouring a book in few hours.

he lies, saying that it's simply because knowledge is a good weapon. he'd be saying the truth, if theodore confesses that he reads this much, because whether be it fiction or not, he can escape his thoughts to fully concentrate on the book's contents.

theodore nott is knowledgeable, theodore nott is a good, straight-A's student. theodore nott is quick-witted; you wouldn't want to banter with him, because usually, he gets the last word with a victorious, cheeky smile— an insufferable cocky grin.

and yet, shamefully, theodore nott has no idea how to verbalize his feelings.

every good liar is like this, he'd argue. in exchange of spilling the most atrocious lies with a straight face and nonchalant tone, theodore finds it awfully hard to tell the truth.

ask him what's wrong— you can do that, sure. now, if theodore will answer you, that's another story. and to give you a genuine answer, if he doesn't snap? then an angel must have fallen down its altar.

then, if he can't verbalize or trust anyone, not even mattheo riddle or lorenzo berkshire on a good day— what does theodore nott do, to deal with his full mind and empty heart?

theodore nott destroys.

he destroys other living beings,

being the first one to join mattheo riddle, with a smile on his face, when his best friend snaps at the smallest hint of disrespect. throwing a (not really) deserved punch at a guy that honestly, if you ask him afterwards, theodore has no idea what he done wrong.

when lorenzo scolds mattheo for starting a fight and reprimands theodore for indulging it, the slytherin simply shrugs. he's "looking out for his bro", he says. that's only partially true, as much as he deeply cares for mattheo.

everytime that he starts fights, like a rabid dog. theodore doesn't really know when he stopped being il dolce ragazzo of his madre. when he became a dog that bites without thinking about barking first. "so much for claiming to be the logical one," — lorenzo muses.

... he destroys himself.

which would explain the concerning amount of muggle, wizarding, flavored, all shaped packs of cigarettes he owns. there isn't a brand that he didn't try, at least once— the more harmful, the better.

smoking until his lungs become as black as his heart, as his dark thoughts. smoking, until he drops dead with his worries. smoking, until theodore nott becomes a better man (something that he doubts he could do, for he was born a broken man— born from a couple that should have never crossed paths with each other).

consequently, damaging his hands. skin that becomes calloused and slightly scarred from the cigarettes. knuckles constantly bruised from throwing punches at gryffindors or smartass ravenclaws.

so, theodore nott starts believing that he's unlovable. that loving him— oh, that would be torture. pure masochism, that he wouldn't wish to anyone, not even the witch he dislikes or rolls his eyes at the most.

and that becomes a creeping fear of his. oh, theodore is terrified, when the thought of becoming like his father plagues his mind.

to think that he'd become such a disgusting man, the man who brought so much pain to his mother, that killed the only person who truly loved him.

what would his mother say, if she saw him like this?

would she be disappointed, would she be ashamed to even spare a look at him? would her beautiful porcelain face become a frown, would she walk away, disgusted?

theodore consumes three more cigarettes on that thought alone.

... or would she give him a sympathetic look, gazing at her dolce, bravo ragazzo with those tender eyes of hers? a shade of blue, that theodore was fortunate to inherit.

a sad smile makes its way to his lips. because now, even for a brief moment, theo is himself again. he's not a casanova slytherin, he's not the heir of the nott family. theodore nott is simply his mother's little boy, her teddy.

in honor of such bittersweet memories, theo drops his cigarette and doesn't smoke for at least 24 hours.

theo doesn't know how to deal with comfort. genuinely tender touches, fingertips grazing his skin so lightly—

of desperately needy, lustful touches, he knows. he knows them very well, from all those times he slept with a woman, ruined her for the next guy. from the times a slytherin girl gripped and pushed his hair, needing, begging more of his mouth on her; or when a gryffindor got so lost in pleasure that she left the mark of her nails on his back; when a hufflepuff senior clenched her fingers on his torso, hips and shoulders, screaming for more, deeper, faster; that time when he found a way to shut up a particularly insufferable ravenclaw know-it-all by fucking her mouth, and when he felt the back of her throat on him, the stubborn ravenclaw gripped, scratched, protested on his thighs.

of harsh, violent, cruel, merciless touches, everytime mr. nott decided that a disgusted, disappointed gaze wasn't enough to educate his son. when those knuckles adorned with rings curled into a fist, and theodore was beaten into discipline. all those times he started fights and consequently got hit by a punch or two, even though theodore is a good fighter, and makes sure that even if he does get hurt, the receiving end is in worse state, in need of more than one night in the infirmary wing.

⋯ ⋯ ﹒ 🪻 ’

... but comforting, meant to soothe, gentle touches? oh, theo is terrified of them. rather than flinching away from a fist coming his way, theo looks like a scaredy cat when fingers come to brush his hair away from his face, with all the love and care of the world.

theo doesn't know those touches. to be fair, yes, he was acquainted with them once— but that was long, long ago, when his mother was still alive. a life ago, really, because sometimes theodore wonders if he's the same teddy he once was, under the protective but loving arms of his mother.

so at first, theo panics when you hug him, when you physically bring comfort to his broken, damaged heart.

but then?

then, after he gets a taste of how heavenly it feels to be held by someone he loves? then, theo embraces the fact that he is indeed a touch starved man. then, theo completely and shamelessly melts under your touch, relaxing in your embrace, wishing to never leave this safe haven.

( or maybe he does. a little voice on the back of his mind, menacingly suggesting that this safe haven, this loving harbor — you — might disappear into thin air by the cruel hands of his father, the same he did with his mother. )

but before his truly prodigious brain dares to overthink once again— your hands comb through his hair, brushing it back along with his worries, massaging the scalp and melting the troubled thoughts away. that's when theo closes his eyes. that's when he, finally, is in peace with himself.

and if you'd ask him; this is when and where theodore nott is the happiest. this is when theodore nott is teddy again.

౨ৎ these voices in my head screaming ♡ ͡

run now. i'm praying that they're human . . .

🪻 ; . . . fandom : harry potter.

— my motivation? it's a silly little drabble, about my favorite slytherin. theodore nott deserves love, seriously.

the headers + gifs + icons aren't mine. credits to the respective creators ! 🌷

[griancraft]

I would trust like none of you with my story if I was a cc. People like you are the reason people like me don’t talk about being hurt.

[bumbalina]

“And I have talked to some genuinely mistreated men, and that was, indeed, how they reacted; they come up to me and say things like, “I really get what you’re talking about, because I actually had a pretty similar experience.” So I get immediately suspicious of a man who stands up angrily, and starts growling, “Why aren’t you talking about this happening to men?? This happened to me!!” This style of guy doesn’t express any caring about what is happening to women. Nor does he express any gratitude towards the women and men who are working to assist abused women and to stop abusers. There’s no sign that he feels any sense of common ground with abused women. So I don’t buy his story. I think what he’s really mad about is that we won’t shut up about what so many men are doing to women.”

“Twenty years or so ago, we started to hear that it was important to talk more about male victims. The argument was that it would give our movement against domestic violence more appeal, because men would realize that it can happen to them too. We’d broaden our reach. It’s been a tremendous mistake.”

“The domestic violence movement has de-genderized itself. The programs are now called “domestic violence programs,” not “abused women’s programs” as they were known before. We talk about abusers and victims as “he or she,” ignoring statistics that show that it’s overwhelmingly male-on-female. When we talk about the issue, we try to make sure we aren’t hurting men’s feelings with too much truth-telling. Has this broadened and strengthened our movement? No, not a bit. The domestic violence movement is far weaker than it was twenty years ago, not stronger. Many, many of the gains that we made are now being stripped away, more every year. (Women’s rights in general are being stripped away in our times, as you have most likely noticed.)”

“Don’t be apologetic about making women your agenda. Don’t apologize for putting women’s needs and rights front and center. When someone tells you that you should be talking about male victims too, I encourage you to respond, “There are hundreds of issues in this world that need to be addressed. Are you saying that I can’t address what happens to women unless I also address every other wrong that happens in the world? Why isn’t it okay to make women my focus?””

Excerpts from: Lundy Bancroft. Men’s Angry Messages to Me Part 2. November 14, unknown.

[marisatomay]

ppl dont assume tom cruise is in the closet like they used to

Like have we lost recipes this badly….there’s an entire chapter just on him in the David Ehrenstein book “Open Secret (Gay Hollywood 1928-1998)” … Gregg Araki openly called him the “Rock Hudson of the 90s” in Totally Fucked Up (1993) … he’s alleged to have worked at Studio 54 when he was 17 … he’s had pretty substantial gay rumors surrounding him since the early 80s including more than a few that have made their way into my DMs from people who knew … everyone should read the 1999 piece “Cruising Cruise”

[naarlar]

I don’t get akeshu / shuake at all.

Like I get it from a typical “fandom loves the enemies to lovers trope” perspective but in all honesty I don’t get the insane brainrot the persona 5 fandom has for this ship.

Like do I think Joker cares for Akechi? Yes.

Do I think he was genuinely conflicted/tempted by Maruki’s ultimatum? Yes.

Do I think they have a genuine relationship and see a lot of themselves in each other and actually somewhat understand each other? Yes.

That being said, I really don’t see how anyone can look past the fact that Akechi tried to kill Joker. And okie fine enemies to lovers, fandom’s favorite ship aside, I don’t see how Joker can actually want a full on relationship (like romantic) with this dude when Futaba, Sojiro, and Haru are like right there?

This may just be me but I reallllllllly wouldn’t be friends with someone who is friends (hell forget even in a romantic relationship) with someone who horribly hurt me.

And I don’t think Joker loves Akechi more than Futaba, Sojiro, or Haru. Especially Sojiro and Futaba. Those two are like his family, and Akechi is responsible for their suffering.

Like… it’s kind of one or the other. Joker can’t be friends/dating Akechi without horribly betraying Futaba, Sojiro, and Haru. That’s just how I see it (but I’m open to hearing other perspectives!)

[mysharona1987]

AITA for dumping my sociopathic monster of a boyfriend?

Honestly, girl needs a restraining order and a shrink more than a Reddit account at this point.

That she is even having doubts is incredibly worrying itself and suggests what he did worked.

[punkeropercyjackson]

Y'all.

[viktoriaashleyyx]

Listen, if I was Lucien, and someone had threatened me to an inch of my life, threatened to turn my mind to goo, and publicly drugged and assaulted my friend, and that same friend goes on to date this person? And then marry him?

Fuck a mating bond there is nothing in this, or any, world that would make me put up with that level of bullshit.

I know his love for Elain is real, holy shit.

[swans-chirping-in-the-distance]

Au where keefe casually asked sophie out pretty soon after meeting her and they started casually going out (marella convinced sophie to go) and they started actually really liking each other and dating before she got kidnapped and they spent the series together

[pochaccopipi]

still thinking about the recent interview that explained eiden's hesitant relationship with romance

poor kid was raised in an orphanage/adoption agency, had very little support from hired caregivers because he acted out too much, never got the same level of attention as the other children in his cohort, watched everyone else get adopted but him (including the younger kids he practically raised himself), regularly hung out at bars as a minor just to meet people and have fun, and finally— finally!— had something nice when he fell in love as a teenager for the first time, only to have that relationship crash and burn (they called it a "bitter first love")? and that's canonically the reason his relationships have all been short-lived thereafter? like... does he just avoid acknowledging any romantic feelings now?? was that the final straw in a string of abandonment issues?

good god this man deserves 20 more boyfriends and charcuterie brunch for life