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thegreenaardvark · 9 months

Text

Suspicion

Daryl paced the small trailer that he shared with Paul. It was just before sundown, and Daryl had been watching the sun sinking below to the horizon for the last hour. When he had gone out on a run with Aaron three days ago, Daryl realized he couldn't continue pretending he didn't know anymore. He had been pulling the wool over his own eyes for months while his boyfriend had found every opportunity to meet Aaron out beyond the walls of Hilltop. The first few times, Daryl had walked Paul to the gate and giving his shoulder a soft grip before watching him go off into the wild. He had considered Aaron to be a good friend for a long time and, at the beginning, he had no reason to suspect that Paul would ever cheat on him.

It had been two years since Aaron had lost Eric, and with a lot of encouragement from Maggie, he had begun to start dating again (though Daryl wasn't too sure what qualified as 'dating' in this world now).

What had started out as one or two couple hour trips outside of the Hilltop to pick up some supplies for the community had gone on to quickly become days spent outside with only each other for company. Daryl had tried and tried to think of some reason that Paul would want to spend his time out there with Aaron instead of him, but he couldn't deny it anymore.

Daryl had known it would never last. And while he didn't think it would happen like this, he couldn't bring himself to hate Paul for it.

He tried not to think too hard about it. Daryl wanted to focus on the 14 months that he had been able to have with the man. He was fine on his own. He knew that Dog would follow him anywhere. He would go back to how it was before; build another cabin by the river and being comforted by the rustling of the forest around him instead of having the sound of Paul's slow, deep breaths beside him. But it hurt as he stared at the duffel bag beside the door that held his sparse belongings.

He should have been gone already. He hadn't bothered to write a note, and he knew that Paul was likely looking forward to having his privacy back inside these walls.

Daryl had never needed these walls, or these people, or even this trailer. But it had been so good...so good to have someone next to him. He hadn't had that since before the turn, and even then it was never for longer than a couple of weeks. But he didn't need it...he had survived on his own before and now he would do it again.

He breathed the smell of the trailer in deep, trying to commit it to his memory before picking his duffel up off of the floor.

He hadn't heard the door open behind him and as he turned he found Paul standing in the doorframe.

"Daryl?"

He didn't answer, eyes tilted towards the floor.

"Daryl...what is this?"

Paul had his long hair swept over one shoulder of the long black trench coat. He shrugged the coat off, uncharacteristically throwing it off to the side somewhere.

"It's fine..." Daryl muttered, still staring at the floor.

He went to zip around Paul but Paul grabbed the duffel strap around Daryl's shoulder, pulling him back inside the trailer and closing the door behind them both and managed to finally catch Daryl's eye. A mixture of confusion and hurt was written across Paul's face, and it made Daryl's heart lurch. He should have left earlier...

"Daryl what...where are you going?"

"It's fine..."

"No! Stop saying that," Paul said before walking across their small living room towards Daryl.

Daryl dropped the bag then, gripping both of Paul's shoulders and pushing him at arms length.

"Didn't have to sneak 'round y'know," Daryl started, "Y' could've just told me."

"Told you what?"

"Aaron's a good guy..."

"Yeah, I know. That's why we're friends with him. What does that have to do with anything?"

"Stop, jus' stop," Daryl said. He had started to loose the calm in his voice. He had wanted to get through this without some kind of screaming match, but he guessed that wouldn't be happening, "I know alright. I get it. I know what you've been doin' out there with 'im."

And then Paul looked furious, "You knew and...and...you were just going to do that? You were going to run out on me?"

"What do you want from me Paul. Knew this...thing, wasn't gon' last forever. I just...I at least thought you'd be honest 'bout it."

Paul swiped at the moisture that was now running down his cheek, "You're going to talk to me about honesty while you've got a bag packed at the door? You were just going to go and pretend like nothing's wrong..." Paul let out a shaky breath, and his voice broke as he asked, "Were you even going to tell me why?"

"You're fucking him."

And then Paul's fury was back, "I'm not fucking Aaron! Why would you think that?!"

"Because I ain't blind! He's ten years younger 'n' me an' he ain't been scarred to shit. Y' just spent half o' the week out there an' came back with an empty trunk; so don't fuckin' lie to me!"

"W-...I...I wouldn't do that. I never gave you any reason to think that I would."

"Oh come on..."

"You know what?! Fuck you Daryl! You want to know what I was doing out there with Aaron? Fine, here!" Paul yelled before throwing a small piece of metal against Daryl's chest.

On reflex, Daryl caught the small piece of metal before it clattered to the ground. He opened his palm to examine the small object: a smooth rose gold ring.

"I wanted it to be a surprise, so I asked Aaron to back me up out there; and it's not like I can just take a bus down to the mall anymore, so yeah, it took a couple of tries to find a one. But I never slept with Aaron. I wouldn't do that, you know that. At least...I though you did. And you your telling me that this is just temporary for you? That you knew it would never last? I care about you and...maybe it was stupid, but I kind of thought you'd fucking care about me too. But if that's all you thought this was t-then maybe you should just go."

Daryl stared dumbfoundedly at the ring, and then up at Paul's face. His cheeks were wet again while angry red-rimmed eyes stared back at him. The ball of guilt sitting behind his ribs felt like it was made of lead.

"Paul I-I'm..."

"Just get out." Paul said. Daryl figured the sentence was meant to sound commanding, but the sound of it was barely audible over the buzz of fluorescent lights.

Paul turned away from him and braced his hands against the dining table, shoulders slumping forward. Daryl cautiously placed one hand on the side of his hip. He waited to see if Paul would bat him away, but he he didn't. Daryl could hear Paul struggling to keep his breathing even as he wrapped his other arm around the smaller man's middle. The hand on his hip went to push away Paul's hair so that he could rest his chin on his shoulder.

"I'm an asshole," Daryl muttered, "An' I'm sorry I-I fucked up."

Paul didn't say anything, and Daryl took it as his cue to piss off. He untangled himself from Paul's smaller frame and grabbed his bag before leaving the trailer behind.

________________________________________________________________________________

Daryl had set himself up in the steeple at the top of Barrington house. It was cold and full of spiders, but nowhere near the worst place he had ever slept. After he had found an old bolt of canvas to tack across the one leaking window, the draft could be easily ignored with a thick sleeping bag and an extra pair of socks.

It had been a solid week since his fight with Paul, and he had yet to set foot back into the trailer. He knew Paul didn't want him there, and if he was being honest, he didn't know if he wanted to be there. He loved Paul...of course he did. But he knew Paul deserved better than some asshole redneck that would do nothing but hurt him in the end. That's what he did wasn't it? He hurt Paul...

No, the best thing he could to now was leave the other man be.

He had never wanted to hurt Paul...

He was on his way back inside the gates of Hilltop, bow slung over one shoulder and a string of squirrels over the other when he came into view of Aaron's furious gaze.

Daryl had never found the other man particularly intimidating, but that view was sure being challenged as Aaron all but dragged him behind the barn.

"What the hell is going on?!" Aaron hissed, the usual pleasantness in his tone gone.

Daryl turned to walk away, but Aaron grabbed him by the back of his collar and pushed him back towards the shadow of the barn.

"No, seriously Daryl, what the hell happened between you and Jesus? He said you just moved out last week and haven't spoken to him since."

Daryl scowled, "Sounds like you already know."

"He said you accused him of cheating on you. I mean...what the fuck Daryl?! You really think he's do that? That I'd do that?! For gods sake I-I was married for 14 years. I...why, just why?!"

Daryl shrugged, "Deserves some one who knows what the fuck their doin'."

Aaron stared at him incredulously for a moment before saying, "He deserves someone who's actually willing to talk things out instead of running off! I mean, He just went from getting ready to propose to having his relationship implode out-of-the-blue. And you what...thought he was going to just forget it happened?"

"He should forget it; forget the whole damn thing. Ain't like it fuckin' no more anyhow..."

"Don't try and bullshit me! I know, and you know; that man loves you, and it is stupid to pretend anything else. You're the one who fucked up here.

"Y' think I don' get it?!" Daryl shouted back, "I know fucked up a'right? Ain't nothin' I could do 'bout it now."

"You know, I don't think you do get it Daryl! I came by to see how the proposal went this morning; you know, while you were out hiding in the fucking woods. Do you even notice that the man is a fucking mess?"

Daryl's guilt kept him silent.

"Now, how I see it, you've got two options: you can march back there and figure this shit out together, or you can keep on acting like an asshole and pretending like you don't give a fuck about him, which we both know is wrong. I think I know which one you should choose."

Daryl took a deep breath, "Got one more thing I got to do first."

________________________________________________________________________________

In the end it took him a couple of hours to complete.

Going out and finding a copper pipe that would be the right size.

Filing off what he needed to make it.

Rounding off the edges and brushing down the sides.

It wasn't nearly as nice as the one that Paul had found, but Daryl knew he only had a limited time to do this before Aaron would undoubtable come back to Hilltop to kick his ass seven was to Sunday.

Daryl smacked the flat of his hand against the door to the trailer twice before he heard the knob unlock. Paul was clad in a pair of grey joggers and a black t-shirt that Daryl recognised was his from the tear along the hem. The soft hair that usually framed his face was unwashed and tied in a knot at the back of his head. Paul tried to slam the door closed, muttering a half-hearted 'fuck off Daryl,' but Daryl caught the edge of it with his palm and followed Paul as he retreated back inside the trailer.

Paul was leaning against the table with his arms crossed tightly over his chest, "If you came by for the rest of your stuff, its in a box in Barrington," He said tersely, "Minus the shirt; that's mine now."

"Whatever y' want."

"Good! Well, there's the door then!

The piercing affect of Paul's glare was intensified by crystalline green of his iris'. It would have been convincing had his waterline not still been a slight shade of red.

"Jus' talk t' me..."

Paul scoffed, "I'm not the one that's been hiding out in the woods all week."

"C'mon Paul."

"You know what? Fine. You want me to tell you how I've been sneaking off with someone else for weeks? You want me to tell you about all of the sex I've been having since you've been gone? Because it really doesn't matter what I say to you, does it? It's not like you'll believe me anyway. I mean why would you start now right? Because I'm clearly the one with trust issues here. I went out with Aaron who, like me, is one of the emissaries between Hilltop and Alexandria so its not extatically like I never see him, four a couple of days and you immediately jump to the conclusion that I'm hooking up with him. What, is it because I'm gay? Or do you just think I'm that much of a slut? Because, I hate to break it to you Daryl, but not everyone lives like they've been raised in a covenant. Just because I played the field a little bit in my early 20's doesn't mean I'm going around fucking anything that moves."

"I know."

"And I told you that because I wanted to be honest about it, not because I was trying to...to brag about my number or make you jealous or something. I really didn't think you were going to just throw that back in my face, but hey, I guess I was wrong. After all, I didn't judge you when you told me about your lack of experience, so I guess it was just stupid for me to expect the same treatment!

Daryl hummed in acknowledgement, "Shouldn't've been like tha..."

"No, no! I'm not done here. It's my turn to be a jackass right now.

Because I'm not the one who accused my boyfriend of being a cheat while he was out trying to figure out a nice way to fucking propose! I-I-I don't know what you want from me. H..." Jesus tried, and failed, to choke back his emotions, "How long were we together Daryl? Thirteen, fourteen months?"

Daryl nodded.

"And how many of those months were just a joke to you?"

Daryl wanted to look away from the evidence of the hurt he had caused running down Paul's cheek, but he forced his eyes to lock with Paul's.

"Was never a joke t' me. It's...It ain't you Paul..."

"It's not you, it's me huh? Really?"

"It's true. Ain't ne'er wanted t' be wit' another man 'fore. Hell I ain't really wanted t' be with anyone 'fore you. None o' them girls my brother sent after me made me want what I want from you."

Paul took a deep breath to calm himself before he asked, "And...what exactly is it that you want from me Daryl? Because I can't keep guessing anymore."

Daryl took a slow step foreword. Then another, waiting to see if Paul would shove him back towards the door of the trailer. But Paul didn't; he just stayed statue still as Daryl lightly wrapped one arm around his hip, "Just want you. Only ever goin' to want you...I'm sorry."

There was a full minute of deafening silence before Paul finally allowed himself to nod his head. Daryl pressed their foreheads together and breathed in Paul's scent, pine and apples underneath which was a musk that was uniquely his. And Paul let his chin lean up so that their noses could brush together lightly. Daryl could feel the heat coming off of Paul's lips, but he pulled back slightly so that he could look Paul in the face.

"Just one more thing," Daryl began.

"What is it?"

Daryl reached into his back pocket, his fingers sweating so badly that he almost dropped it before he brought the brushed copper ring between them for Paul to see.

"Will you mar..."

Then Paul's mouth was against his, his fingers tangling into Daryl's hair. And Daryl could breathe again. He could breathe better in that moment than he ever could have without Paul wrapped up against him.

Daryl pulled back from the kiss, but didn't dare pull his body away from Paul's.

Paul nodded his head quickly, "Yes," He replied before wrestling his left hand free for Daryl to slip the ring on.

The ring wasn't perfect. It was just slightly too big. There were scratches across the surface from where Daryl had brushed the pattern into it, and there were places where the metal was ever so slightly too sharp; but just like Daryl, it was his and he wanted to take care of it.

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