#Dick Ingram

[nerds-yearbook]

Julie Newmar was the first actress to protray Catwoman on the Adam West Batman TV show. She made her debute on March 16, 1966. It is said that she designed and made her own costume. ("The Purr-fect Crime", Batman, TV, Event).

[solipseismic]

THE THING IS the star wars shows are almost all unequivocally Bad* but there are JUST ENOUGH exceptions** that sometimes when u see a new show coming out*** you go WELL perhaps there is hope after all. and maybe it looks cool**** :) and someone else may be thinking well sol isn't it easy for you since you are a star wars fan? and the truth of the matter is that NO. it is because i am a star wars fan that i know just how bad star wars is. and my love for star wars has a direct correlation to how much i hate its shows***** so u see actually it is very difficult for me

[hotvintagepoll]

Congrats to the ultimate winner of the Hot & Vintage Movie Men Tournament, Mr. Toshiro Mifune! May he live happily and well where the sun always shines, enjoying the glories of a battle hard fought.

A loving farewell to all of our previous contestants, who are now banished to the shadow realm and all its dark joys and whispered horrors—I hear there's a picnic on the village green today. If you want to remember the fallen heroes, you can find them all beneath the cut.

What happens next? I'll be taking a break of two weeks to rest from this and prep for the Hot & Vintage Ladies Tournament. I'll still be around but only minimally, posting a few last odes to the hot men before transitioning into a little early ladies content, just like I did with this last tournament. The submission form for the Hot & Vintage Ladies tournament will remain up for one more week (closing February 21st), so get your submissions in for that asap! Once the form closes, there will be one more week of break. The first round of the Hot & Vintage Ladies Tournament will be posted on February 29th, as Leap Year Day seems like a fitting allusion to leaping into these ladies' arms.

Thanks for being here! Enjoy the two weeks off, and send me some great propaganda.

In order of the last round they survived—

ROUND ONE HOTTIES:

Richard Burton

Tony Curtis

Red Skelton

Keir Dullea

Jack Lemmon

Kirk Douglas

Marcello Mastroianni

Jean-Pierre Cassel

Robert Wagner

James Garner

James Coburn

Rex Harrison

George Chakiris

Dean Martin

Sean Connery

Tab Hunter

Howard Keel

James Mason

Steve McQueen

George Peppard

Elvis Presley

Rudolph Valentino

Joseph Schildkraut

Ray Milland

Claude Rains

John Wayne

William Holden

Douglas Fairbanks Sr.

Harold Lloyd

Charlie Chaplin

John Gilbert

Ramon Novarro

Slim Thompson

John Barrymore

Edward G. Robinson

William Powell

Leslie Howard

Peter Lawford

Mel Ferrer

Joseph Cotten

Keye Luke

Ivan Mosjoukine

Spencer Tracy

Felix Bressart

Ronald Reagan (here to be dunked on)

Peter Lorre

Bob Hope

Paul Muni

Cornel Wilde

John Garfield

Cantinflas

Henry Fonda

Robert Mitchum

Van Johnson

José Ferrer

Robert Preston

Jack Benny

Fredric March

Gene Autry

Alec Guinness

Fayard Nicholas

Ray Bolger

Orson Welles

Mickey Rooney

Glenn Ford

James Cagney

ROUND TWO SWOONERS:

Dick Van Dyke

James Edwards

Sammy Davis Jr.

Alain Delon

Peter O'Toole

Robert Redford

Charlton Heston

Cesar Romero

Noble Johnson

Lex Barker

David Niven

Robert Earl Jones

Turhan Bey

Bela Lugosi

Donald O'Connor

Carman Newsome

Oscar Micheaux

Benson Fong

Clint Eastwood

Sabu Dastagir

Rex Ingram

Burt Lancaster

Paul Newman

Montgomery Clift

Fred Astaire

Boris Karloff

Gilbert Roland

Peter Cushing

Frank Sinatra

Harold Nicholas

Guy Madison

Danny Kaye

John Carradine

Ricardo Montalbán

Bing Crosby

ROUND THREE SMOKESHOWS:

Marlon Brando

Anthony Perkins

Michael Redgrave

Gary Cooper

Conrad Veidt

Ronald Colman

Rock Hudson

Basil Rathbone

Laurence Olivier

Christopher Plummer

Johnny Weismuller

Clark Gable

Fernando Lamas

Errol Flynn

Tyrone Power

Humphrey Bogart

ROUND 4 STUNGUNS:

James Dean

Cary Grant

Gregory Peck

Sessue Hayakawa

Harry Belafonte

James Stewart

Gene Kelly

Peter Falk

QUARTERFINALIST VOLCANIC TOWERS OF LUST:

Jeremy Brett

Vincent Price

James Shigeta

Buster Keaton

SEMIFINALIST SUPERMEN:

Omar Sharif

Paul Robeson

FINALIST FANTASIES:

Sidney Poitier

Toshiro Mifune

and ok, sure, here's the shadow-bracket-style winner's portrait of Toshiro Mifune.

[shefatalesarch]

SHE HAD BEEN IN TROUBLE WHEN HE CROSSED HER PATH and he had to remain thankful that he was also a cop to explain away how he could defend himself the way he had. far better than 'i wear a suit at night and am known as nightwing' right? "sorry, didn't mean to pull him off like tha--- are you okay?" he asked quickly. "are you hurt at all? i can take you to the emergency, or home if you'd prefer."

@vntagetee ♥ for a starter from richard 'dick' grayson for paige ingram

[markwatnae]

Masterpost of Hot Old Man Round 1 Polls

Paul Newman v Richard Burton

Omar Sharif v Tony Curtis

Red Skelton v Burt Lancaster

Christopher Plummer v Keir Dullea

Anthony Perkins vJack Lemmon

Kirk Douglas v Alain Delon

James Dean v Marcello Mastroianni

Harry Belafonte v Jean-Pierre Cassel

Marlon Brando v Robert Wagner

Sammy Davis Jr. v James Garner

James Coburn v Rock Hudson

Peter Cushing v Rex Harrison

George Chakiris v Sidney Poitier

Dean Martin v Sean Connery v Jeremy Brett

Tab Hunter v Toshiro Mifune

Howard Keel v Peter O'Toole

Robert Redford v James Mason

Steve McQueen v Charlton Heston

Dick Van Dyke v George Peppard

Elvis Presley v Peter Falk

Oscar Micheaux v Rudolph Valentino

Joseph Schildkraut v Buster Keaton

Jimmy Stewart v Ray Milland

Cary Grant v Claude Rains

John Wayne v Errol Flynn

Clint Eastwood v William Holden

Douglas Fairbanks Sr. v Sessue Hayakawa

Carman Newsome v Harold Lloyd

Noble Johnson v Charlie Chaplin

John Gilbert v Conrad Veidt

Ramon Novarro v Robert Earl Jones

Slim Thompson v Gary Cooper

John Barrymore v Paul Robeson

Edward G. Robinson v Clark Gable

Humphrey Bogart v William Powell

Leslie Howard v Ronald Colman

Peter Lawford v Vincent Price

Harold Nicholas v Mel Ferrer

Joseph Cotten v Danny Kaye

John Carradine v Keye Luke

Ivan Mosjoukine v Gilbert Roland

Benson Fong v Spencer Tracy

Guy Madison v Felix Bressart

James Shigeta v Ronald Reagan

Montgomery Clift v Ricardo Montalbon

Peter Lorre v Frank Sinatra

Bob Hope v Gregory Peck

Fred Astaire v Paul Muni

Bela Lugosi v Cornel Wilde

Cesar Romero v John Garfield

Basil Rathbone v Cantinflas

Henry Fonda v Turhan Bey

Boris Karloff v Robert Mitchum

David Niven v Van Johnson

Gene Kelly v José Ferrer

Robert Preston v Tyrone Power

Jack Benny v Donald O'Connor

Fredric March v Lex Barker

Michael Redgrave v Gene Autry

James Edwards v Alec Guinness

Fayard Nicholas v Fernando Lamas

Ray Bolger v Johnny Weismuller

Orson Welles v Sabu Dastigir

Mickey Rooney v Laurence Olivier

Rex Ingram v Glenn Ford

Bing Crosby v James Cagney

@hotvintagepoll

[twiixr4kidz]

Glad that you active again! Can I request 7 evil exes with touch-starved reader?

yeah ofc!! apologies if my formatting is off, im writing this on my phone xD

matthew patel

matthew is one very touch-starved man

whenever you're together, you're immediately in each other's arms

like he genuinely cannot take his hands off of you

not that you're complaining

you'll go from touch-starved to touch-full in no time

his love language is touch for sure so he has no problem being attached to your hip 24/7

AND he gives like, the best hugs ever

Lucas Lee

he's very used to being touched but not in a traditional sense

he gets touched a lot during movie shootings but it isn't like, genuine, loving, intimate touch

he's a little surprised with how touchy you can be but he's also like, a total whore for your attention, so he eats it up

expect lots of long, warm hugs and forehead kisses out of nowhere

he doesn't realize how meaningful it is to you

Todd Ingram

todd is honestly pretty touch-starved himself

but he's also simultaneously nervous when it comes to physical contact

he's a little silly like that yknow!!

if you like, talk to him directly about it, he'll definitely try to be better about touching you

it'll start off really slow but you'll start to notice his lingering touches and how he holds your hand more often in public

he's such a sweetheart

he just wants you to feel comfortable and happy

Roxie Richter

you're never going to have to worry when it comes to miss roxanne

she's on you ALL THE TIME

her arms are always wrapped around your waist or your neck or your torso

and she has no qualms against kissing you or touching you in public if that's what you need

hell, sometimes she worries she's touching you TOO much

she's not

you eat it up, and she gets so giddy when she realizes how happy you are

Kyle Katayanagi

he doesn't really realize how touch starved you are unless you point it out

he's the kind of guy who doesn't really notice things if that makes sense

the kind of "oh shit i didn't realize babe im so sorry i love u" guy

however, he DOES consider himself a very touchy person

he picks you up A LOT

if the two of you are standing around, he'll run his fingers through your hair and lazily braid it together while you talk

if he's lounging on the couch watching tv, he'll tell you to come over and lay on his chest

it really is the little things that count

Ken Katayanagi

he's shockingly clingy which is really good for someone who's so touch-starved

he's always inviting you to come "chill" with him, which usually consists of him holding you and burying his face into your chest

he can tell if you're having a "i need to be held" kinda day and he jumps on it immediately

he's a little nervy when it comes to PDA but if you ask, what kind of boyfriend would he be to deny??

Gideon Graves

you will absolutely have to tell him how you're feeling

not because he's a dick (well, i mean, sometimes.......) but because he's just a little dumb

but yknow what else he is???

ANNOYING (i mean this affectionately)

you need a hug?? you're getting CRUSHED.

you need him to hold you?? he'll wrap you up in a blanket burrito and swaddle you like a baby.

he's a total ding dong and everything he does is followed with a laugh, but he only does it to make you happy

[japhan2024]

Review of Smosh's Funeral Roast

I am harsh at times, but know it all comes from a place of love!

Spoilers under the cut

I live in Europe. This is relevant because of timezones: the funeral roast of Anthony Padilla was live at 6pm for them, meaning 3am for me. I am not the youthful insomniac I once was so I had to train my sleep schedule the entire week - otherwise I would miss it because I fell asleep. But I wanted to witness this live. I love smosh.

The trailer for this roast deserves an award: Ian and the cast have a movie night as suddenly the light turns blue and everyone but Ian freezes. He seems to know what's going on and discovers a zombie or ghost like Anthony levitating. The cast of the roast are all introduced and all play a gothic, churchy kind of character. See the full trailer here (it's currently at 666k views, how fun):

Around 1am I got impatient and decided not to wait for my alarm clock but to install myself on the couch, with a blanket and a scarf, and a hot cup of tea, god knows I would need it. I watched episodes of the Scott Pilgrim Netflix series to kill the time. The character Todd Ingram reminded me a lot of Anthony and I wonder whether Anthony has 'vegan superpowers' as well. Probably so.

Finally, the pre-show begins. This is pretty uneventful as they play a game and succesfully convince thousands of viewers to buy their tickets to the main show. I look at them. Everyone is gorgeous. But I can't look away from Ian and Anthony. And here is where I stray from actually reviewing the show to let my inner fangirl out: holy fuck they are hot. Me and my friends on tumblr have been making 'forgive me Father, for I have SINNED' jokes because his character, 'the pastor', just brings that out in people. We're not used to Ian in black, or in a robe, and he looks phenomenal. And then there is Anthony, clothed in a ridiculous Harry Styles-esque lace top with lace gloves, resting his head on Ian's shoulder. It's such a cute moment, Ian pushes him upright. He can be alive for a second before his funeral. My heart melts. Honerable mention: Courtney's bikini girl cleavage right behind Ian. The girls were ready to rock. Okay, okay, back to the review.

The room feels kind of small and a bit claustrophobic. The Smosh art dept. always steps up, so the stained glass "friendship never dies" high-five looks incredible, and the megachad-Anthony portrait hilarious. The casket is huge. But the props make the set look even smaller. I think the problem is the cameras. I realize how difficult camerawork is when you have multiple focus points to switch between, but next time they should do a lot of practice with this to streamline, to get everyone in the shot and better capture people's reactions to the roasts.

Ian walks in. He starts off with a bit about who Anthony is: a hot, hardworking guy with a big dick. Those are the main takeaways of his roasts.

Amanda is next. She looks beautiful but very wacky. Her deliverance and accent are stellar, though. She truly is top talent at Smosh. Her roasts are also some of the most scorching of the night. She doesn't shy away from calling out Anthony's past problematic behavior and less than stellar performance in the bedroom ("look it up!") She gets a round of applause and deservedly so.

Tommy follows with a kind of angry roast, and proceeds to read the will, from which nobody comes away unscathed. I feels like his words about Anthony supposedly hating the cast are a necessary evil. Just the same day Anthony posted his interview with Shayne on his personal channel. There we learned that Shayne didn't know before if Ian and Anthony actually had wanted to hire them. Anthony said they were very much involved, something I don't know whether to believe. As apparently, Ian never talked about it with Shayne either, for all those years. Shayne had also been very apprehensive when Anthony came back, not knowing what would happen and the first change was to boot the entire cast off the main channel. I feel like Tommy's roast puts the topic on the table and hopefully they will talk about it more until nobody has any doubt left.

Now I have to insert that one of my main critiques of the night is that lots of people both did a lot of obvious jokes (tattoos, leaving smosh, general appearance) and did not go hard enough. Anthony kind of has an awkward CEO vibe (he's not the ceo but still) about him that seems to make even the cast a bit wary of him. I had hoped for jokes about that.

Brandon Rogers is next and rightfully points out the lack of celebrities in the line-up. Doesn't Anthony have more friends who want to roast him? Either he doesn't or the rest of Smosh don't have access to them. Which is both fine, because it is a Smosh party after all.

Arasha comes in swinging with all kinds of Zoomer slang that I frankly don't understand but her deadpan delivery is like a breath of fresh air. She ends with a very nice message. That kind of undercuts her roasts though, I wish she would have been meaner.

Now it is time for the musical half-time show, which actually deserves its own review. Performed by Angela and Chanse, this is incredible. By far, the most professional part of the evening. These are no theater kids, as they still call themselves. These are Broadway acTORS! I was really taken away by their talent. Not only do they act, but they also sing amazingly? Did you hear Angela do screamo?! And Chanse's riffs? They pointedly mention the sexual tension between Ian and Anthony, both on- and off screen. This has been occupying my mind ever since. Wow, sorry I went fangirl-mode again. But the halftime show simply is that good. Keith makes an appearance at the end and brings the show back down to earth with his humor.

The biggest surprise guests are next in what I can only describe as Dan telling the horny tale of his years long obsession with Anthony, and the many, many times he unloaded on the 'sexy Anthony' calender (which is a real calender, I was there when it came out but was broke at the time, darnit). Dan and Phil have been shedding their PG personas on their own channels for a while now, but for those who don't watch them daily this December - they're doing gamingmas and it's chaos - it is shocking what X-rated stuff comes out of their mouths. Anthony is visibly taken aback. Good!

As the show progresses, Ian keeps moderating as the pastor. It is great to see him so in control and enjoying the roast of his best friend. The joke of Ian not being able to show his emotions comes up a lot, but today I see him mainly just having fun.

Of course, then there is Bikini Girl, whom I had high hopes for, maybe too high. She is hilarious, but nothing really stings. Courtney does also direct the whole show, so super kudos to her. I just don't think she has the best roasts. She is followed by Rhett and Link, who just do their regular thing. It is funny but not very original. You can only hear so many tattoo jokes before it gets old. We do see Link's bare torso, so a win for fangirls (gender neutral).

Then Shayne, or should I say the Chosen has his turn. He is absolutely in character and does great. I just don't know if the Chosen is the best person to deliver roasts. It feels more like a Shayne party than a roast of Anthony. Which enough people love all the same, I'm sure.

Angela is 'the vessel', a possessed girl, reading the roasts from the audience. These roasts are very mid (they should have included mine! /j), but her delivery is again stellar. Smosh is really lucky to have her.

And last but not least, Ian goes on a second roasting spree. Only, it isn't a roast? He just makes fun of Anthony’s baby picture and then proceeds to tell Anthony how grateful he is for him, how he's so glad they are friends again and that he loves him? Anthony is crying by this time, which makes the moment even more tender.

Of course, Anthony has to do a counter-roast. It is apparent that he is still affected by all the roasting or 'love-bombing' as Amanda calls it. And he's not as good at live comedy yet. Still, his jokes are funny and really in Anthony's own style. He concludes with Ian's quote of being happy to burn Smosh to the ground with him. I knew that quote would be ingrained in Anthony's mind. It was one of the sweetest things Ian had ever said to him, after all. Until Ian has now told him he loves him, of course.

And then it was 5 am. I got a healthy two hours of sleep in! I came away from this roast with a content smile and a full heart. This was well worth the ticket, the staying up late. I am happy to be a member and support them monthly, I've loved their humor even before they started their youtube channel. I love Smosh. I'm so happy that Anthony is back. Smosh is whole again. And it brings out that light in Ian's eyes. He is funny in an unhinged way again. I truly love Anthony and Ian and their dumb videos. I want them to continue to make them forever. These kinds of live shows are fun. But Ian and Anthony truly shine in their off the walls absurdist sketches.

Special shout-out to my bestie @only-frann who I could scream at this whole day.

[forcedtogrow]

hfhdnfhfn.. 😵‍💫 being called a good boy makes me MELT. also also if u wanna, i wouldnt mind ass pics though id be lappin at my screen like the doggie i am

was hanging out w my owner i mean friend 2day after work nd im not kidding i literally just laid in his lap (about crushed him) topless and sucked on his fingers. he told me i looked stupid while doing it but tbh i didnt care bc i knew he was enjoying having a 6'1 muscle slut keepin his fingers damp. i literally just got home and i just ngfnm jerked off to the thought of it (nd even fucked my pillow oopsie), i swear im liek a pup in heat

his lap is so comfy.. though im way too big for it i wanted to stay there 4evr

im also getting my hair done soon, finally bleaching it to plat blond and im so fuckin excited. ik i mentioned this a bit ago but my honest transition goal is todd ingram from scott pilgrim, HE IS SO BIG ND DUMB HE'S ME IRL

anyways yah i had a great day 2day,, crawls back in my cage and bites at the bars aggressively - 🎸

anon your so horny i have to give u a task or u might tear up the carpet. im sure you’ll be happy to do it for me because it seems like you aren’t getting the orders u need to get through the day with such an empty head, im not sure how u made it this far in fact.

I want you to stand in front of the mirror after a workout and flex for me until your whole body starts to ache. Focus only on the way your muscles contract feeling how big you are and how much you’re growing every day, like a good muscle pup. You need to keep flexing until you’re so turned on there’s no more thoughts, only an open panting mouth and your little puppy dick aching to hump anything that moves. Keep flexing, squeeze your pecs together and rub the hard cavern between them. Keep flexing, and lick your bicep, watch how sexy you look doing it, and it makes sense because this is what you were meant for. Now the only thoughts will be my words that just wash over you, telling you want to do with your big slutty body. You can’t stop flexing until you feel like you’re on fire, panting, desperate to fuck. I know you’ll listen because you’re such a good boy. You can jerk off after you follow my directions as a reward for growing. I want to see you even bigger next time.

((lmk if this is okay? I like to write this stuff but I don’t want to push boundaries since I haven’t really drawn any clear lines here. If you like it PLS lmk))

[miguelsjoy]

Here's a lil old SELF SHIP fanfic I made for 🥦🥤

Get Up

(angst / comfort) (CW: hinted "bang bang" around the end)

It's been at least a month and a half since Todd and Cola were official, while they had to deal with an angry Envy Adams, the relationship has been going steady.

Cola and Todd walk out of a convenience store, Todd munching on a celery stick while Cola has a blow pop sticking in his mouth. As they walked together, Todd kept talking about how much he's been improving strength wise ever since they started dating, basically humble bragging to Cola but also sort of thanking Cola for making him be on the path of being a better man, But Cola gets distracted by a thought that pops into his mind.

He stops for a second as he feels a sense of deja vu...which triggers him to take a deep breath before asking Todd a kinda loaded question (to Cola at least). He'd ask Todd if he truly liked him, like this wasn't just some stunt or some fling to him

Todd (as simple-minded as he was) quickly replied, "Yeah, I mean, it's not like I can fake sparks or anything!" but he'd see Cola's facial expression and kinda realize that something was a bit off with his new boyfriend. There was no playful teasing or loving "idiots", just Cola being distracted by a thought on his mind...So Todd would stop by a bench and would ask Cola to sit with him as he'd ask what's wrong.

Cola would look at his shoes that were covered in snow as he would clam up a bit. he wasn't used to feeling this way, but todd would put a hand on Cola's, reminding him that they could practically get through anything together

"I mean, we both were able to take on envy...and she's a...bit scary hahah.."

Cola would take this into account and then gulp, before recounting a past relationship he was in before he got famous.

He thought he fell in love, he felt the sparks between the two of them...but rather quickly those sparks started to fade, and Cola started to realize how much his ex toyed with him emotionally.

"He...never really cared about me, he didn't care about my interests or anything, he just...stringed me along until it was time to fuck, and when it was convenient for him to like me.."

He spoke, trying to fight the tears away. Cola would reveal that while he did get famous off of the pain he had to go through, it was the relationship itself that triggered him....and kinda twisted his perception on men. He was so embarrassed that he got played by a dick, that he practically changed his name so he could never be associated with that side with him again. That vulnerable weak part of him, the part that he let his ex see, the part that he was embarrassed of... And changed it to Cola. The big shot, The music's new it boy, and now Todd ingram's boyfriend.

Cola would shake a bit before glancing at Todd

"and now I'm hanging out with you, and I'm just like '...what if I get hurt again?'

'what if he's just stringing you along again?' "

Todd was, kinda moved by Cola's display of emotions, especially since he wasn't used to seeing this side of him. But Todd would then reach out to Cola and give him one of the tightest hugs he's ever given anyone.

"Well do what I do and don't listen to your noggin!"

"huh?..."

That explains a lot....but still.

"Listen, I kinda get it. Your brain is making you think that you can't be in love anymore because of some jerk in the past, but look at you now! and besides, if you were just some fling to me, I wouldn't be constantly trying to get to know you!"

Cola's roommate and his manager could agree...since Todd has been harassing both of them for Cola info

"If I didn't like you, you'd DEFINITELY know it. But trust me, I do. Dang, if you want me to, I could steal a star for you!"

Cola would blush heavily...taking comfort in Todd's words before softly hugging him back

"Todd..I don't think a big ball of gas could fit in my room.."

Cola acknowledged while chuckling a bit

"Wait. Stars are made out of gas?"

This would cause Cola to laugh, making him feel better. Cola would wipe his tears away before smiling

"You're right. I'm not gonna listen to my brain that much anymore. I'm just gonna, feel."

"THERE WE GO! now, are we gonna kick this ex's ass~"

"Todd, no... even though he kinda deserves it. But I know something that'll make me feel better without either of us going to jail for assault?"

"Ooooo what?"

Cola would then whisper in Todd's ear

"How about another private listening session at my place again~"

Todd's face would be brighter than a sick child's nose before eagerly nodding.

Cola would get up, stretching his body before walking Todd back to his place. He'd look at Todd with his eyes practically filled with affection. For once, someone mattered to Cola... like they said they do...

[joyce-stick]

I didn't like Scott Pilgrim Takes Off all that much. I feel like elucidating on why, a little bit. so. Anyway.

First, letterboxd review I wrote within a few hours of finishing the show (read this first please):

So, I read all of the comic (finally) prior to watching Takes Off. Having seen the movie several times before, I found the comic interesting in how it develops its characters further over a longer timeframe and ties up a few loose ends that the movie sort of left open in weird ways that don't make sense. Ramona has more agency, Knives shows more maturity, Scott and Ramona are more explicitly on equal footing and make for better foils for each other in the comic than in the movie. Scott regrets his life choices and runs away for a while. Ramona regrets her life choices and also runs away. They both come back and beat up Gideon together with, y'know, mutual agreement that they both kinda equally suck and deserve each other and are going to both try to get better for themselves and one another and it's fine

It's not like, groundbreaking feminist storytelling, but it sure is a lot MORE gender equal than the movie which just goes like. Ramona is mind controlled! Scott must save her! Scott beats up Gideon sorta unilaterally (with a little bit of help) and then gets Ramona because he does! It's okay. It's fine. I mean, both the movie and the comic are fine. The movie is a hyperinventive visual feast and a stellar adaptation as far as faithfully replicating its source material in the target medium. I love it. Anyway.

Both the comic and the movie are fairly complete stories which really don't need more elaborating on. They're done. They exist. People either like them, or hate them, and have been discoursing on them for years. People discuss how bad of a person Scott is or isn't, or how transgender of a reading you can apply or not apply to Scott.

(I mean, you can! You're allowed to!)

It's all well-worn. And stuff. I don't know that Scott Pilgrim is a trans girl. I mean, it's plausible fanfiction. You can do it if you like. I wish that Takes Off had played with that idea, instead of what it did do, or, in addition to what it did do? And what it did do is just. Weh?

Weh.

Okay where do I start. Um.

spoilers for Takes Off below this point

Takes Off starts by taking Scott out of the picture. He is assumedly presumably made dead. Coined. Whoo.

Okay so obviously Scott isn't actually dead, he comes back later, but him being presumed dead for a bit does open the door to the rest of the cast to get some attention. Which you'd think would be good. Alright. So, we have Matthew Patel, still here. He's an incel, it turns out. Beats Gideon in a fight being like "man I got the bigger dick here." Wins totally! Okay! The league of evil exes is all either like "wow good going Matt" or "man screw this shit" and leaves. That's amusing for a minute.

Roxy shows up for an episode, fights Ramona, and is like "YOU LEFT ME RAMMY! I HATE YOU!" And we get some delicious flashbackiness to their relationship, and they kinda reconcile. Then Roxy kisses Kim, and is like "nah I don't care Kim" and dips. Yay.

The fight between Ramona and Roxy is well animated and fun to watch. I enjoyed it. It's alright.

What else... Um, Gideon has a backstory! Gideon isn't even his real name! And he's become the mega incel that he becomes because he got rejected by some girl in high school and this turned into his supervillain origin story. Okay

Lucas Lee does skateboarding and skateboards some paparazzosi to coindeath! Go him! That is genuinely a fun sequence and I enjoyed it, I guess

Wallace Wells seduces Todd Ingram and they have a lot of hot gay vegan sex! He and Envy Adams sorta fight about it! How wacky! Okay

The Katayanagi Twins get some speaking lines in this show! Their robot (which appeared in the comic but not the movie if I remember right) is around. Um.

Julie! Julie is an old school friend of Gideon. She lets him stay at her house. Gideon/Gordon and Lucas Lee do some bro shit. Cool man

All of this is like, fine, and fun, and stuff. I'm fine with it. I liked it. I enjoyed it. Oh and I guess there's a meta subplot about the Scott Pilgrim movie becoming the Scott Pilgrim movie but failing to become the Scott Pilgrim movie because the actors keep having too many video game fights on the movie set

Okay so this is all stuff that Ramona finds out or sorta bumbles into while looking for Scott, who she's surmised has disappeared and is not actually dead. Of course, Scott is not actually dead. He's just been kidnapped and displaced in time by an older version of himself, who is having a midlife crisis because his relationship with Ramona is going badly and he wishes that it had never happened, so he kidnaps young Scott to make it so that it never happened. This does not really work. Also future Ramona does some of her own intervening in the past to counter the plot of future Scott. She has Delorean rollerblades that time travel at 88 miles per hour *rolls eyes*

Anyway, then older older Scott has a fight with younger younger Scott, future Ramona intervenes and merges with younger Ramona to become a super form Ramona and they're just like "my beloved Scott, please, just go back to the future and sort out our marriage, like a responsible adult," he is teleported back to the future, all the exes are not coinexploded, and we get a final scene implying that Julie and Gideon/Gordon are planning something which will lead into a second season, and I don't know why

Why is any of this?

I could analyze it. I could try to tell you why any of this is. But like. I really can't. I don't know.

None of this really advances or develops the characters in any way that wasn't already adequately explored in the existing material. Like, Roxy's hangup over Ramona is fleshed out a bit more, sure, and that's the part of the show I really liked, but... is there anything to that? Does it add anything to Roxy's character that we didn't already know? Not really. We could already pretty easily infer from the comics that Ramona left Roxy, just like she left all her exes, and that Roxy is mad about it. Is it nice that they talk about it? I guess. Sure. It's nice to have a version of that conversation without Scott being the third wheel. But does it meaningfully change her character?

...No

And this is the same for all the characters. Our understanding of Matthew Patel and Gideon Graves is not particularly deepened by their incel dickmeasuring fight, or Gideon's origin story about getting rejected in high school. Our understanding of Lucas Lee is not especially enhanced by the newly revealed detail that he's a headache for his agent because of his reckless wild free devil may care skater dude attitude causing PR risks. Our understanding of Wallace Wells is not amazingly additioned by seeing him seduce Todd Ingram and piss off Envy Adams. Our understanding of Knives doesn't change when she learns how to play music and gets along with Kim and Stephen... And such and so forth.

And our understanding of Scott does not meaningfully change, either. There's really no radically new character interpretation to be drawn from "Scott divorces Ramona and then tries to undo his past". That's just kind of a thing you'd figure he'd do. And of course Ramona would try to set him straight! And look for him! And. Yeah

So yeah, Takes Off feels like, almost, the definition of that phrase that Dan Olson used in that one video

"No meaning, only lore."

I cannot fathom why this show exists other than that Netflix wanted a Scott Pilgrim show, and Bryan Lee O'Malley decided to pitch one because he's sure as hell not got any other big hit comics being cross-media franchises right now, and the plot that ended up being there feels like his end of the entire writing process was spent wracking his brain, fighting for his life to come up with a reason, any reason, to write more of fucking Scott Pilgrim

And the best he could come up with was, I guess, Scott has a midlife crisis, and also more superfluous character detail, and the fanservice angle of getting to see Ramona fight Roxy, or Gideon fight Matthew, or Lucas Lee skateboard more

I had a lot of fun seeing all that but I don't know why I watched it. I don't know who wanted this. And I definitely don't know who wants a second season of this. Who would want more of this? The season we do have was already grasping for straws to do more with this setting and these characters as it was. What would they even do?

Anyway. If I was gonna rewrite this and write this smarter. I'd probably tell y'all about the moment when Young Neil is trying to write a screenplay, and some mysterious figure (later revealed to be future Ramona) shows up in his room and types up the screenplay for the Scott Pilgrim movie for him. And then he wakes up, the screenplay is on his desk, and he's like "WHOA I don't remember writing this! I totally wrote this!"

And I'd say, if I were trying to be smart and write some smart video essay analogy in a better more polished review, that Takes Off feels like Bryan Lee O'Malley wished that the script for the show would similarly emerge fully formed from nowhere from the future for him.

Or something.

Anyway, thanks for reading this impromptu, review rant something. If you liked whatever this was, and want to see us write more, better things, then, giving us money would be cool.

Patreon | Ko-fi

[monstersmutpeddler]

A Soul to Revive: Duskwalker Brides: Book Five

By: Opal Reyne

Monster Scale

Level 05: Advanced Monsterfuckery

Y’know Elias from Ancient Magus’ Bride? He’s basically that. 

My Overall Rating For The Book

“I Bought The Ebook or Will Read On Kindle Unlimited"

These two were fun to read about, and their stories made me tear up a couple of times. The only thing was that I found it just ever so slightly unbelievable that Emerie gave up so much for Ingram, but Opal Reyne does explain things more later on.

Overly Simplified Summary

Ingram and Emerie both want to kill the demon king, so the two pair up to take him out along with some old friends.

Keep reading for ‘This Book Has Everything’ and possible Trigger Warnings.

This Book Series Has Everything

[x] Touch them and I’ll kill you vibes

[x] Big buff love interest

[x] Soul mates or fated mates

[x] Miscommunication happens between leads at some point

Ingram isn't used to being so, well, human-ish and doesn't really know how they work sometimes. So Emerie has to teach him quite a bit.

[x] Love interest and/or main character is hiding something

[x] Smut first plot second

There is still a lot of plot in this book, but there are a lot of sexy times. More than I remember other books. Which is fine. It's fun. XD

[x] Love interest goes on a rampage when main character is either hurt or kidnapped

[x] Straight

[x] Main character gets chased in the woods by the love interest at some point

[x] Couple bonds in a Bear Grylls survival situation

[x] Dude got an interesting dick

It's big, with ridges and tentacles.

[x] We’re escaping from the bad guys' prison/lab/etc.

[x] Main character and love interest talk about their problems or tragic pasts and heal together

[x] The side character steals the show and makes you want their own book

[x] Open communication

[x] The couple has equal power in the relationship

[x] You will likely cry at some point while reading this book

[x] Kinky af sex

[x] Love interest is an absolute cinnamon roll  

[x] Lead or love interest gets injured and the lead or love interests drop everything to take care of them

[x] Happy Ending Guaranteed

[x] Super scary/dangerous but very gentle and sweet with the one they love

Here’s a link/buy the book!

Trigger Warnings

[x] Main character had a really bad relationship with an ex at one point

[x] Kidnapped/held captive against their will

[x] Loss of a loved one

[x] Love interest or lead accidentally seriously injure the other

[x] Suicide

[5nake-eater]

I hope Todd Ingram gets dicked down by someone who will appreciate him : (

[wallaceyouslut]

Summary:

“And yet you agree to ‘run lines’ each time. Is this what you consider ‘running lines’? I don’t believe this was on the script, Ingram.” He clicks his tongue.

“It should be,” Todd murmurs dreamily.

"Whatever, rockstar. Fill me up. It’s what you do best.”

(or, wallace ponders todd ingram's sudden infatuation. all wallace knows is that he has a dick, and envy adams does not. gay sex ensues.)

Service Top Todd / Power Bottom Wallace

AHHHHHH IT'S SO GOOD THIS IS EXACTLY THE KIND OF DYNAMIC BETWEEN THE TWO I WANT

[hotvintagepoll]

i found this blog by accident (i think the tumblr recommendations code or whatever figured out i have a polls addiction) and have had zero interest and experience in this topic but now. now i am so here. but i was wondering where i could go to watch movies with all these actors?? like i’m sure prime video or smthg might have a few classics hanging around but is there a service/website (of any legality) that specialises in vintage films and stuff? or is it really just physical media to get a lot of them? sry if this throws off your askbox, i didn’t know where else to ask! tyia <3

Hi!! I love this ask. Thanks for being here!

I don't know of any service that specializes in old movies, though HBO had a deal with TCM for a while that meant they had several classics on Max—I don't know if that's still a thing. In the meantime, though, the following websites all have "classic" channels that will be filled with great vintage movies to try:

Tubi—free streaming service that includes:

The Manchurian Candidate (Frank Sinatra, James Edwards)

The Philadelphia Story (James Stewart, Cary Grant)

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (Dick Van Dyke)

On The Town (Gene Kelly, Frank Sinatra)

House on Haunted Hill (Vincent Price)

The Adventures of Robin Hood (Errol Flynn, Basil Rathbone)

A Streetcar Named Desire (Marlon Brando)

The Maltese Falcon (Humphrey Bogart)

Hoopla—free through many libraries:

The Court Jester (Danny Kaye, Basil Rathbone)

War and Peace (Jeremy Brett)

Barefoot in the Park (Robert Redford)

Cabin in the Sky (Rex Ingram)

Wings (Gary Cooper)

Kanopy—free through many libraries:

The General (Buster Keaton)

Flower Drum Song (James Shigeta)

Roman Holiday (Gregory Peck)

Seven Samurai (Toshiro Mifune)

His Girl Friday (Cary Grant)

Wuthering Heights (Laurence Olivier)

Sabrina (Humphrey Bogart)

Paris Blues (Sidney Poitier, Paul Newman)

Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (Conrad Veidt)

Youtube also has TONS of movies that have slipped through copyright or "accidentally" ended up there:

Charade (Cary Grant)

The Gay Divorcee (Fred Astaire)

Lying Lips (Carman Newsome, Robert Earl Jones, Oscar Micheaux)

Stormy Weather (Harold Nicholas)

Rebecca (Laurence Olivier)

The Cheat (Sessue Hayakawa)

The Lady Vanishes (Michael Redgrave)

Jungle Book (Sabu Dastagir)

To Sir, With Love (Sidney Poitier)

It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World (Peter Falk)

What a Way to Go! (Dick Van Dyke, Gene Kelly, Paul Newman)

And of course there are methods of other legality if you want to go searching for titles by hand :)

I haven't seen all of the movies I list here—this is just a sampling of some famous ones, and a few of my secret faves—so be careful if you have trigger warnings and things. Hope you find some great movies!

[nerianasims]

I hadn't read Jane Eyre in a really long time, so I thought maybe, being older and such, I'd dislike Blanche Ingram less. Boy was I ever wrong! I remember feeling kinda sorry for her before, but not this time.

I am noticing more ways in which Rochester is an asshole, and it's not like I didn't know that before. But the book is very clear that yes, he's an asshole, and even has some "evil" tendencies -- it's just that Jane, as she says, is in love with him and so looks at them a different way. But yep, Gothic hero = he's a dick! In an interesting way, though, and anyway, he gets better. Whole lotta room to grow this guy has. Also, it's very clear how much Jane wants him physically, which is nice.

Eliza and Georgiana Reed strike me as: Same as ever. They're not exactly finely-drawn characters.

[cas-fulleditmode]

need dick from todd ingram