#Don't forget that you don't truly know him and MORE IMPORTANTLY he doesn't know YOU

[measuringbliss]

People are acting so weird and possessive of Markiplier for the whole OnlyFans situation. He's an adult. He's an adult who's been a celebrity for years. He knows people thirst on him. That's why he had this idea in the first place. He's not some naive kid you must protect. He's not some innocent soul that the evil sluts of Tumblr and Twitter will corrupt. He knows the Internet, he knows his fans and he knows his job.

He's an adult and he can make his own choices.

[walpu]

Hi, it’s me again!! >_<

When I tell you I gobbled that headcannon post up, I went down on two knees and howled /hj

Anyways, do you think you can do some headcannons on Aventurine with Bodyguard! Reader if you have the time? But this time, with a twist :3

See, reader does care for Aven, you truly do, but before that, you were tasked by Everflame mansion and by Duke inferno himself to kill Aventurine. But you can’t bring yourself to, no, not when you’ve fallen head over heels for him.

When reader does become Aven’s bodyguard, you maintain that serious, no nonsense demeanor, but if he looks closely enough, he’ll see the lovestruck puppy hiding under the hardened shell that they’ve put on.

But the guilt catches up. One day, at least a few months after reader’s betrayal to Duke Inferno, you catch sight of an assassin sent to finish the job they couldn’t do. And so, the secret is finally revealed.

Personally, I think Aventurine would be betrayed, like very, how could he not be? He’s always kept people at an arm’s length away, and when he finally lets you in his walls, and starts falling for thier charm, this secret of yours comes out. He fires you almost immediately, but the way he stares after you with misty eyes doesn’t go unnoticed.

The next months were absolute hell. Reader found a new job as a barista, and is quite enjoying the quaint and simply life it provides, even if you do miss Aventuirne. He’s probably still seething at you, right?.

Wrong. Because you’ve gone MIA, Aventurine been scouring all over the place, trying so hard to find you. He’s loosing sleep, forgetting to eat, all things that you would chide him about. Aeons, he misses you so much.

And when he does find you, he’s overjoyed, and when the two finally reunite, the first thing you do is to apologize deceiving him. But he forgave your silly ass a long time ago, why else would he have spent the last months trying to find you?

Long story short, it’s a happy ending, Aventurine couldn’t be more grateful he has you to be his bodyguard, his closest confidant, and most importantly, his lover <33

I’m so sorry if I went on a ramble, but this idea’s been plaguing me so bad I literally can’t focus on anything else 😭😭

I'VE BEEN LOOKING FORWAR TO WRITIG FOR THIS REQUEST SINCE THE MOMENT I SAW IT I ADORE YOUR BODYGUARD!READER x AVEN SERIES btw thank you for sharing the c.ai bot

I feel like the only thing I do with each post is apologize for taking so long but right now I like from work trip to work trip so I'm actually really really sorry this madness should end soon 😭😭😭😭 Hope you'll enjoy this post, it was my goal to finish it before version 2.1

bodyguard/assassin!reader x Aventurine

characters - Aventurine notes- gn!reader, angst, hurt/comfort, pining, no beta

It was not a fast prosses for the both of to form a genuine connection. Moreover, you know goddamn well you shouldn't get attached to him.

And at first it seems easy, like yeah another rich playboy, no big deal, you've delt with people like him before, right? Right??????????????

Yeah until suddenly he's not just a rich playboy.

The more you notice how deeply lonely and unhappy he is, the more your heart softens towards him. And the more your heart softens, the more he relaxes around you, seeing behind your cold exterior.

He's not used to people caring about him. And yes, of course he knows it's your job but still, for a man who never had a real friend before, he surely can appreciate having someone who not only won't leave him but also will listen to him and look after him.

And the part about you being paid to do it? Oh well. It's the same guy who offers you to use him as you wish and who's greeting line is "I can play a role of a friend :)"

Mf is FRIENDLESS, LONELY and PATHETIC /affectionally

He'll take what he can get okay.

But goddamn. Don't think he doesn't notice how you started going out of your ways to take care of him. How you make him eat, tend to his small injuries ("my, my, you're my bodyguard, not a doctor. perhaps someone wants a raise, hm?~"), how you drag him out of casino or his office when it's too late.

It drives him crazy. It's not beneficial for you, right? The w h y.

He won't ask. Instead he will watch and slowly fold.

You are probably suffering tho lol. You should just kill him already, you've had so many opportunities to end him. Instead you spoon feed him soup because he claims he has a hangover after a night in the casino. And this little brat looks so smug about it too!!!!

Sometimes he feels like it's too good to be true: you being here, taking care of him, looking after him. The line between professional relationship, friendship and... something more is way too blurry already, and he knows it's dangerous but it just feels so good. Too good.

Duke inferno gets tired eventually. He sends someone to remind you of your mission. To remind you who you really work for.

Well, the duke receives a warning of his own. The dead body of his little messenger.

You know, of course, that the Everflame mansion thugs are not easily intimidated. They will be back. So you better warn Aventurine and tell him everything.

You can't keep lying to him, can you?

Well. It's surprisingly not as easy as you thought. After all, even if they will send someone, you'll just protect Aven like you always do, right? He doesn't have to know. Not about your past, not about your original mission. He keeps his secrets too, so why can't you?

You know goddamn well why tho. You know and yet you still can't bring yourself to tell him the truth.

It goes on like that for several months and Aventurine notices that something is clearly off, something is bothering his darling protector. He tries to pry, to tease, to cling, to pester you. Something to make you open up. Or, at least, get distracted. He can't help but feel anxious. Why are you suddenly so reversed? Do you want to leave his side? Does he not pay you enough? Does he bother you too much? It eats him alive while he tries to mask it by pestering you even more. As if to test you. As if to make sure that it's not the case.

All the hell breaks loose one day when you discover that Duke inferno has sent another assassin to finish the job.

I you spare the details but yeah, your secret was unraveled. And it wasn't pretty at all.

You have never seen emotions so vivid on Aven's face. Part of you always wanted to see him more vulnerable, more open with you. But not like this. Not this look of utter betrayal.

He collects himself quick enough, hiding behind the mask of mock disappointment.

"Hm, well, I recall mentioning that treachery is just another tool of the trade. But it seems like our little deal is not paying off for me anymore" he says with a cold chuckle, shaking his head a little. "After all, you have very little to offer outside of your dog-like loyalty. But seems like this dog bit both hands that fed it".

You were expecting him to call for your arrest but instead he just fires you. It hurts nevertheless.

What hurts even more is that look he gives you when you part ways. It's like his pretty eyes are even more lifeless now.

At first he feels this overwhelming emptiness. It truly feels like the fate is mocking him. One time, just one time, he allowed himself to relax around someone. Just this one time, with this one person who took care of him, who listened to him, who looked out for him. And this person was supposed to kill him.

Then his stupid brain finds another way to torture him. He keeps thinking about the way you have always protected him, the way you took the hit even during the last attack, when Duke Inferno's new assassin tried to get to him. You were ready to leave your past life behind to stay by his side, weren't you?

As soon as he realizes it he goes frantic. Of course he tries to find you asap but of course someone as competent as you would be able to disappear without a trace in no time. You were an assassin, after all. A skilled one too, since he never even suspected you.

This connection the two of you had, this realization that you really cared enough to betray your client, all of this makes him realize that he needs you so, so much. He needs to feel this care again, he need to look at you again, to know that you're here by his side.

He misses you so much. Your nagging, your reassurance, your touch. He's like an addict who felt what it feels like to love and beloved in return for the first time and now he can't live without it.

He doesn't eat or sleep properly, his head plagued by the thoughts about you. What if you forgot all about him? What if you're wounded? Where are you even? His fingers itch to trace your face and your scars.

He thinks about how you would scold him for not taking proper care of himself and it makes him miss you even more.

Aven finds you after a few months. It was honestly a coincidence, one of his subordinates saw you in the coffee shop you were working at.

He though that finding you will calm him down but seeing you from afar, looking somewhat peaceful and cozy, having a regular job... it's too much. And what if you really don't need him anymore? Maybe you never did? After all, he's painfully aware that he probably needs you much more than you need him.

And yet, he decides to take this risk. He's a gambler, after all.

"Somehow I'm not surprised you're good even at that. How come you have never made me coffee before, hm?"

You literally freeze on the spot after hearing this familiar voice next to you.

When you finally get to talk, you can see he's really trying to look calm and collected but how can he? His hands are shaky and his voice cracks. It breaks your heart.

He doesn't even let you finish your apology, pressing a finger to your lips.

"Hush, darling. All is forgiven. In fact, I even have an interesting proposal. I'm can be a generous man after all".

He can't fool you. Not with this shaky soft voice. And he knows it as well.

Please hug that fool and kiss him. Swear that you won't ever leave him again. Swear that you want to be by his side. As his bodyguard, as his friend, as something more. So much more. That's all he really need to feel like he's at home.

[ghouljams]

I love all of the AUs you have going or are beiginning to introduce, but I think your fae au has wormed its way beneath my skin too deeply to remove. I love how you combine horror and romance. Truly appeals to my monster fucker heart.

I have so many questions about fae!König's Liebling! Have they always been able to see too much or did something cause it? How did it come about that they took over the shop that the fae so clearly love? (and why did the actual owner never return? could they see things too?)

Also this line make's me want to sink my teeth into König right back:

"When were you born? He hoped it was a warm month. He wanted to sink his teeth into you, taste you through the flowers that conceal your scent from him."  

The idea that the month someone is born has an impact on their being is fantastic!

I love this ask, I want to sink my teeth into this ask and shake like a dog. But instead I'm kicking my feet and giggling about it like a damn schoolgirl.

I love dropping pieces of small magic into the fae au, I don't think I've done more with the birth months thing, but it feels very... definitive to Liebling's being in that moment. König thinks in fae terms and in his mind her Fiesty personality reads like a warm weather fae. So he makes an assumption.

For the rest of your questions I'm going to write a little Liebling pre-König fic. Because I do love her and don't wanna just infodump.

You've been working at the shop for almost a year now. It's good work, easy work, within walking distance of your flat. Most importantly it pays well. Really well. Like you're not really sure the owner is even taking a cut of the profits well.

You like it! Except that it always feels like half the people in the shop are just vibing and admiring the flowers. You're not sure what's up with that, but the owner doesn't seem to mind so you don't ask questions. You're paid well enough you're happy to just let it be.

Except today. Today questions are about all you have.

"I didn't even know you were engaged," you frown watching Tock(the owner) pull boxes off the shelves in the back. He's digging through them frantically and hardly bothering to clean up as he goes.

"I wasn’t," he says, pulling a string of shells out of the box. He taps each one and listens for a moment before nodding and throwing it in his suitcase.

"But you're going on your honeymoon..." You say slowly hoping that he understands how those two ideas can't really coexist.

"I am," he sigh, dreamy eyed as he pulls what you think is a vibrator free of the box. You avert your eyes, and hope it wasn't used in the store.

"Seems like a bit of a leap in relationship status, that's all I'm saying."

"You humans are so finicky about that stuff," Tock waves your comment off, vibrator still in hand, you've noticed he's saying humans a lot today. He didn't do that before. "Too many emotions all at once, that's why you're never going to find anyone."

Ouch.

"Would you stop waving that thing around?" You drag your hand down your face. Tock stares at the vibeator and shoves it into his bag, zipping the whole thing closed immediately after. Apparently finished packing.

"Alright, I'm all done here. I've got your name on the store records and you've got keys. I shouldn't be gone too long, but you know the wild. Am I forgetting anything?

"Your brain?" You try, starting to worry your boss might have actually gone insane, "what are you even talking about? I'm not on the store records."

"Yes you are." Tock tips his head to the side, "I put you on them, I certainly can't manage this place on my honeymoon. Don't really care to manage it again either."

"I say again what are you talking about?"

Tock snaps his fingers, apparently remembering whatever he'd been asking you about. "Severence, duh." He takes a step towards you, you take a step back, "I really owe you a bigger debt than this but I don't think you'll ever collect so..."

He grabs your head and leans down so quick you barely have time to squeeze your eyes shut before he kisses one then the other. Something cold drips into them, or around them, you've never felt anything like this it's hard to describe the feeling of your eyeballs being dunked in ice water and pulled out just as quickly.

You blink them open as Tock pulls away, trying to make the post squeeze vision fuzziness go away. It feels like some sort of curtain has been dropped over, or no. More like a veil has been lifted, one you never would have known about if you hadn't seen it for yourself. Tock stands in front of you, haloed by fluff and two very prominent feathery antennae.

"Boon granted!" He says letting you try not to lose your shit. "Alright shop rules, very important to abide by them so everyone else does too, don't give out your name, no please and thank yous, be polite, Yada Yada, I went through all of this in training.

"Wait, what did you-"

"Be a good girl while I'm gone, I'll miss you! Maybe!" Tock tugs the door to the shop open and you're hit with a gust of wind, the scenery behind the door looks painterly and gorgeous, it's definitely not the shop. You don't even manage your own goodbye before he's out the door and closing it behind him.

When you panic rush to open the door it'd just the shop again. Your regulars mill about, plucking at flowers and enjoying the atmosphere. All of them turn to stare at you. All of them look monstrous. Far flung from you boss's fluff and softness. You slam the door shut on your ensuing panic attack.

You absolutely cannot do this.

[wttcsms]

10:57pm +++ Mr rin itoshi !!!

— 10:57 pm

when you peer through the peephole of your apartment's door, you don't expect to be transported directly back to the past.

but there he is, looking more familiar to your memories than you would like him to. messier hair, maybe, and a slouch that's a bit unbecoming of him, but it's him. no amount of time could help you forget about him; you could recognize his shadow in a dark room.

rin itoshi is banging on your apartment door. it's almost eleven at night, and you know that he prefers an earlier bedtime than most, but he's not in bed. he's right here. at your doorstep.

and it shouldn't make your stomach do that excited churn that always happens when rin acknowledges you. it's the same excited feeling that you got early on in your relationship with him; you felt it every time you saw his name pop up on your notifications, and every time he took your hand into his on those first few dates. the exhilarating rush of being wanted — but most importantly, being wanted by someone who you want, too.

you're only opening the door so he doesn't end up being mocked on everyone's twitter feeds in the morning. that's the excuse you use, anyway. chances are, no one is ever going to know that professional football star, rin itoshi, ended up at some nondescript apartment complex after a celebratory night out. however, it's easier to say that than to admit that you're always going to jump at the chance to let rin in.

when you open the door to allow your ex(?) (can he even be an ex if the two of you were never truly a couple?) in, you don't expect him to point an accusatory, albeit shaky, finger at you and boldly ask you,

"why are you ghosting me?"

it's too late at night and you're too tired to keep your guard up, so you just gape at him, mouth open, eyebrows raised in an almost cartoon-like, comical shocked way. you have your hair bunched up around your head haphazardly and your designated pajama tee has an ice cream stain on it and you've got your loosest pants on. you might regret not playing it cool when you look back on this interaction in the future, but the fact of the matter is, you lost all opportunity at nonchalance the moment you unlocked your door.

everything else that is embarrassing is just the icing on this trainwreck of a cake.

only rin itoshi, you suppose, is the right combination of bold, drunken idiot, and just socially inept enough to confront the ghoster about behind ghosted. because who in their right mind asks that?

everyone knows that the minute you get ghosted, you have to either move on or pretend to. you hop to the next person who is going to be your fixation for the month and the topic of your groupchat's conversations, and you pretend that you don't hope every notification that appears on your screen is him texting you (and you also must pretend that the sick waves of disappointment when it turns out it isn't him aren't absolutely soul-crushing). you don't make a big deal out of deleting his contact (even though you have never saved any other situationship's number in your phone before), and you're just so fucking unbothered that you even went out of your way to blacklist any articles or tweets that contain his name, his team, or even his jersey number.

"nobody asks that question." you tell him, instead of answering him. "nobody with some self-respect and social awareness, at least."

it's a jab at him, but rin doesn't seem to care. that's the thing about rin — he's really good at that. either not caring or pretending not to care, you're not so certain. you just know that the impassive expression on his face hurts all the same.

"i'm drunk." he says, and before you can give him a yeah, i can tell, he's continuing. "and i miss you."

"maybe you miss me because you're drunk. if you wake up tomorrow feeling the same way, maybe we can talk."

you're trying to put your foot down and maintain a strong image, but you know yourself too well to be fooled by your own lies. there's no maybe about it. he could wake up and hate your guts tomorrow, and you'd still want him to tell you it because it at least means he's speaking to you.

"i wake up missing you all the time. does that count?"

your mom told you once that men are like food — anything that looks that good cannot be good for your health. and looking at rin, all lean limbs and long lashes; high cheekbones and that pretty boy pout, is absolutely detrimental to your wellbeing. you should kick him out and slam the door and put a chair underneath the locked doorknob for good measure, but your heart sings with that drunken confession of his, and you know you're a goner.

"don't joke around like that." but there's no conviction in your voice, just a sort of desperate longing that changes the meaning of your words to please don't say those sort of things if you don't mean it.

"is that why you're ignoring me? because you think i was joking about everything?"

"i didn't— i wasn't— ugh. you ghosted me first!" admitting it out loud somehow brings back all the hurt from when it actually happened. maybe that's why you had enough sense to never admit it, but rin itoshi does something to you. he makes your brain shut down. all sense of self-preservation evaporates when he's in your vicinity.

confusion flickers across his face. his stupidly cute face with his stupid blue eyes and his stupid strands of hair that hang in his face no matter how many times he aggressively pushes it back. your heart breaks with every second of silence that passes by, and then hope that it can be pieced back together again appears when he looks at you, all sincere seriousness and more soberingly alert than he's looked all night, as he asks,

"i did?"

[saladbroth]

ayan didn't expect akk

he came to suppalo with a goal and a mission and the mindset to fulfill it, no matter the cost and his first day already presents him with ample evidence for hating the school, for mistrusting the student body - for hating the prefects and akk in particular he sees him messing with the car and then hears the talk about the curse and ayan knows, immediately, whats up with akk. he can see it in the fear in his eyes whenever he comes close and the defensive threats akk sends his way whenever he steps close, and the way akk so rigorously believes in all the stupid rules the school has set up

truly, in the beginning i don't think ayan liked akk. at all. he was a means to find out more about the school - an easy target, what with how easy he's flustered and how quickly he gives up information if challenged the right way. and even if akk doesn't play along anymore, ayan knows he's behind the curse so what does he have to fear? he saw akk as a means to his goal, something like collateral damage in the grand scheme of things, maybe even just a lucky coincidence because it does give him an advantage above most other students at suppalo, over akk himself.

and, well. ayan is kind and open-minded and understanding but he's also ruthless i think. he knows what he wants and he's driven by grief and anger and the frustration at the unfairness of the system, so what is akk to him but just another one of the "enemies"?

but then akk is more than that. he's not some kind of power-hungry brat, he's not evil or out to hurt people, or someone who fits into the kind of hard distinctions ayan is probably trying to draw with himself and the people who share his beliefs and everyone else. akk is also kind, and charming, and smiles when he forgets to pretend to be someone he isn't, and most importantly he's just a boy, who falls asleep over homework and cares for stray puppies and flirts back occasionally and it catches ayan completely off-guard and then akk continues to become more and more and more, no longer just the student prefect aye can tease and use to his advantage, but something like a friend, who's gentle with him and who's close to buckling and breaking under the pressure the world puts on him, who has the biggest, most sincere eyes out of everyone even if he tries to hide it, who shows aye kindness when few else do and who so obviously doesn't know what to believe in apart from the propaganda he's been fed

i think ayan realised that he can't go on just seeing akk as a means to his goal when akk falls asleep on his hand, comes to terms with the fact that he likes him when akk slams him down on that judo mat, and accepts that he cares, really, really cares when akk comes apart under his fingers and sobs into his shoulder just by being shown understanding and given the slightest bit of safety

and like. akk got hit by ayan like a freight train, was knocked completely off balance and sent spinning into space, his worldview and his pretense and his sense of security and what was right coming down bit by bit and then in an avalanche but ayan didn't plan for him, to like him and care and feel affection, for the threats of kissing him to become desire and for the ache in his chest and the smiles that he can't seem to stop whenever akk flirts back, or just exists, for the comfort that akk can give him in return, with an echo of words and an arm around his shoulders

i think the ending scene of ep7 is incredibly important in context with aye being caught off guard by akk, too, because yeah he aggressively flirts, but then he says "when you talk to me,look me in the eyes" and akk does and you can see that it takes him by surprise, that he wasn't actually ready. his breath catches and he has to blink to regain his composure, swallows hard. he still underestimates akk's effect on him i think

and that's the whole thing. ayan underestimated akk, didn't plan for him, didn't expect him. and now there's a boy in front of him who stands for all that he dislikes and all aye wants is to kiss him and to keep him safe

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

Well about the perception of Volo vs Kamado thing, and why more people don’t hate Volo, I have my own reflections (pretty privilege is absolutely a factor tho let’s be real 😂)

Everyone growing up has at least one story of an adult being super unfair to you, even though you were doing everything right. Their own biases and experiences could be understood later once you were older and calmer reflecting back on the incident, like a teacher who snapped at you maybe had a super long day of wrangling hundreds of children. But we never forget how it feels in that moment to have those who should be guiding us be unfair and seemingly unreasonable. So naturally that’s gonna hurt when you get kamado being paranoid.

Volo on the other hand is just absolutely delightful I’m sorry maybe if Kamado put on a silly outfit and hair for his boss battle instead of plate mail he’d have more art. Like you said Volos betrayal is one and done really, he acts like a theater kid and then dips. You have to keep seeing kamado being in charge in the game after his blunders for a while which can rub people the wrong way. (Also this is maybe just me but I never trusted Volo just like I never trusted Cynthia as a kid, and finding out he was evil was a great moment of vindication I CANT be the only one who experienced this)

TLDR we see unfairness way more than we see someone betray us while making their hair like a god horse

well, you heard them, kamado. time to go get the jester outfit. cmon chop chop it's to redeem your image

yeah, the point abt getting burned by adults in authority is also very fair. most of us were not scarred for life by theater kid antics lol. the other thing abt it is that often those same adults never really face any consequences. you were always just expected to move on, suck it up etc. cause that's life as a kid right. sometimes ppl will use their power over you just to flex their limited authority, or to vent whatever's going on in their home life, and this doesn't really stop when you grow up it's just that when you're a kid basically every adult has that authority position. so it's just expected that there's nothing you can do. i mean unless you decide to be the karmic force of justice in your own life by being the most stubborn bitch of a child to walk the earth. not that i would know anything about that cough

uh anyway. the thing is the thing btwn you and kamado isn't about about child vs adult. you're more or less considered an adult yourself by jubilife, albeit a rather young and more importantly low ranking one. like we've said (a million times already lol) kamado's not doing it just to grasp at a sense of control, he's reacting to what he perceives as a very real threat to his village (and also because the writers clocked him in the face with the idiot ball for plot advancement reasons lbr).

and the thing is kamado DOES, kind of, face consequences and own up to his mistakes by the end of the game. also after the red sky event he's like, REALLY nice to you lol. not just briefly either! imo you can tell that he sincerely respects you and regrets his actions in the red sky. go look at his late game quotes-

"Perhaps you are a divine being yourself, sent to bring us gifts from above... "I know I've no right to say this... But we are truly fortunate to have been able to count you among the Survey Corps' ranks. If you had not joined us, we would have fallen on Mount Coronet. We would have lost our home. We would have lost our future." "I'm grateful to you for showing me what a heartening presence Pokémon can be. We must spar again sometime!" "<player>, forgive me for taking so much of your time [telling you about the Galaxy name.] Please accept this as a sort of apology."

like he's trying to make up for the way they were treated earlier and give them the proper treatment they're owed for all their help.

idk i don't have a good way to conclude this i guess. i just think he's a cool character

[soleilnmity]

Hello, thank you for sharing these scans! The Nyarlathotep/Tatsuya pairing is pretty rare, I'm curious about what you like about it.

Oh my god anon you don't know what you've just unleashed, I've been waiting to talk about it all my life---I don't know how to start. I'm so delusional but bear with me because I really really love nyarutatsu hold on. Nyarutatsu I can divide it in several concepts that are appealing to me.

>Eternity as a whole (Ouroboros, Samsara) >Another representation of Nyarlathotep (deity) obsessed with a human ala Randolph Carter >The questioning of what makes humans human at all to begin with >The after effects and repercussions of trauma >selfcest (fake) cough The concept of "Eternity" is pretty headcanonized but bear with me.

Something that really struck me while playing EP was the Three Poisons that Nyarlathotep mentions, which fit each of the P2EP party members.

This was actually mistranslated in the english version (and not corrected with the patch, either but translated somewhat correctly in other instances?) the three poisons are "Anger" (Dvesha), "Ignorance"(Moha, but also Delusion) and "Desire" (Raga, which can also be Greed or Lust but most importantly, Attachment). Katsuya is anger (mostly repressed anger, towards his surroundings and circumstances), Baofu is ignorance/delusion (in which moha also can mean "emptiness") and Ulala is desire (*wants* so much, and more than anything attaches herself to the need of being *wanted*) Due to these, humans become trapped in the cyclical eternity of Samsara. While these 3 primarily match the EP cast, there's somebody we're forgetting right? I feel like these 3 poisons as a whole match Tatsuya as well. A key factor of Moha (ignorance) is attachment, primarily to people. Specially the 'illusion' that is "the world", "Maya". In other words, this is in regards to Tatsuya's attachment to Maya that is both an attachment to the person itself but the illusion that is "Maya" "Maya" as he knows her, doesn't exist anymore. He's attached to the image of her, the illusion of her. This attachment is both of ignorance and also craving, exemplified by "Raga".

While "Moha" is a fundamental ignorance of the self and most predominantly means naivety/stupidity. Foolishness. It's due to ignorance that you crave and desire, desire something that is not even real. This attachment is poison.

"Dvesha" is self explanatory as anger and aversion which can be attributed to placing his anger towards Nyarlathotep but ultimately his anger is not so much towards Nyarlathotep in itself (it still is, don't get me wrong) but towards himself most of all. Because it is he who caused everything by his own attachment and desires, attachment to the earthly world and the people in it.

Symbolically speaking, if not literally, Nyarlathotep taking his form is well enough to signify that Tatsuya, truly, hates himself most of all. That's his weakness.

By fulfilling all 3 characteristics, Tatsuya's stuck in his own Samsara. This is why I, at least as a headcanon of mine, belive that Tatsuya didnt get to return to the Other Side, he's experiencing karmic retribution over and over again.

It could also be that, he's doomed repeat the same events time and time again. Without a chance to change anything, without a chance to escape. Not being aware of being inside the hell of his own making. What makes you believe /this/ is the only world that has been created? There may have been countless worlds created, and those of which he can never return in the flesh. And this cycle of one's perpetual mistakes being represented by a creature that in on itself represents humanity as a whole is so appealing to me because, Tatsuya is truly so human. Being so ignorant, foolish, craving attachment and connections is so disgustingly human. Tatsuya may be stuck with Nyarlathotep for eternity in the Collective unconscious, and it's not like he didn't even agree. Nyarlathotep already marked him, through the brand. Philemon mentions is as a way to showcase what belongs to him, enchanted by the shadows, and Tatsuya is his.

Even Tatsuya says as much in the PSP scenario that "I'm the only one he can do as he pleases with" (what exactly that "he can do as he pleases" entails, who knows! The possibilies!).

Speaking of the scenario, this is where I bring up Ouroboros. Destruction and Creation.... Tatsuya needs Nyarlathotep as much as Nyarlathotep needs him. His main driving force in EP is both keeping everyone's safety as well as hoping to destroy Nyarlathotep, driven by his anger towards him (this 'anger' which Nyarlathotep enhances as a whole).

And as mentioned earlier with the Three Poisons, Nyarlathotep mentions that these are "his primary source of power". If a mere human alone is so rotten in poison, that makes him the perfect thing to own. They both feed each other pretty much. Tatsuya funnels his eternal rage driven sorrow into Nyarlathotep and he absorbs it and to him that's sustenance to his being plus ""love"". They hate each other in an all-consuming ouroboros, where neither of them will ever get out, trapped in their own cyclical eternity. Nyarlathotep doesn't need tatsuya to love him he just needs tatsuya to need him as much as he needs Tatsuya. Repetition!

And yes, I mention "love". Nyarlathotep "loves" Tatsuya, but in a way that is not the way you could exactly think of traditional "love". what is love No seriously, in the way we understand it, what encompasses love? Compassion, affection, kindness? Love is as much of a positive emotion as it can be a negative, contradictory emotion. Love enough to be obsessed, possesive, destructive. Love enough to destroy, to want, to own.

Nyarlathotep mentions that he's grown fond of Tatsuya when you first encounter him (again, mistranslated in english and not corrected in the patch)

(wow they're flirting) The original line is: そう熱くなるなよ。私はお前が気に入ったんだ。どうだ、似合ってるんだろうか？ (Don't get so worked up. I've taken a liking to you. Well, don't you think it suits me?) <- The latter part referring to imitating his appearance, but not the full sentence. As 気に入ったんだ means to grown fond of something, like a "like" but not 好き 'like'. (delusional).

Constantly wanting Tatsuya to submit to him as well.

Sure, you could interpret these as typical villiany talk, but I ship it because I think it's interesting. Another factor to me is that, Nyarlathotep sometimes is less of a "being" and more of a "concept" at times. The brand in Tatsuya's arm left in him by Nyarlathotep is as much of a showcase of ownership as it is a sign to showcase that, everything that had happened, happened. All his pain and suffering, his fears, his anxiety and dread---they're all part of him. He just has to eventually move on.

I really like this line that Tatsuya says in town dialogue. Nyarlathotep is a natural part of humanity, the negative traits found in all humans. Hence why, as long as humanity still lives, he will persist. This is mentioned even in the novel I translated too, that Nyarlathotep was "summoned" by Tatsuya due to the fear in his heart.

Tatsuya is so *human*, with all these fears and desires and wants and struggles. Nyarlathotep, who is drawn to humanity, likes these aspects and wants to exploit them for all he's worth. And of course, I do like that he uses his appearance to show this obsession, yet it's also a form of mockery, as mentioned earlier. Nyarlathotep tries to imitate a human's skin, but he himself is not so human. Or is he? He may be more human than what we believe.

And I like to 'humanize' him. Because Nyarlathotep is /human/ in a sense, negative traits found in humanity makes us as human as positive traits do.

I probably have a loooooot more than what I'm allowed to say I didn't even mention how Katsuya factors into Tatsuya's life and Nyarlathotep's control of him because it's also important but in essence, this is what draws me to them. Also, it's pretty much the most popular ship in jp spaces as of late, so there's that!

I guess in a sense, it's not "ship" in the way people normally would think of. Oh they go on dates, they're adorable, they're cute! kiss kiss love love! No, it's suffering on Tatsuya's side. Living with horror, loved by something beyond his comprehension. Something happened to him that he didn't ask for, he didn't want. And it has stained him. And he's there, always been there. Maybe before he was even remotely born (this is also another line Tatsuya has).

It's terrifying, bizzarre, dreadful and simultaneously so beautiful. There is an appeal in Tatsuya's suffering----and I like that.

Also this fucking line. This fucking line. Did they really expect me to go through the game and be normal about it. Why would he say this. What. I mean, do you get it? It's so petty. It's probably the most petty thing to do. He's aware of Tatsuya's attachment to Maya and went as far as even create an in-universe fanfiction in which they don't end up together (Tatsunoshin and Maihime). He has to tell Maya "well you may like him but he belongs to me, so" IT'S JUST SO. WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM.

tldr; It's also this, basically.

[hello-nichya-here]

Asking you because you usually have the most accurate takes;

Why did Azula act so calm and even appeared glad after Ursa left, not showing any signs of anxiousness? Why did she smile whe Azulon ordered Ozai to kill Zuko? Did she not fully understand what was going on?

"Why did Azula act so calm and even appeared glad after Ursa left, not showing any signs of anxiousness?"

Because she's Azula. She's trying to be perfect, to always be in control. A princess, and more importantly, a daughter of prince/Fire Lord Ozai doesn't panic over not fully understanding/agreeing with a situation, she does not fall apart and cry like her weak uncle, and she does get upset about a situation that her dad understands, isn't sad about, and clearly furthers his goals.

She doesn't acknowledge those mixed feelings, not even to herself. There's a reason we only see her conflicting emotions, insecurities and sorrow over not feeling loved by her mom YEARS later, when she's either having a breakdown or in a place that "reveals your true self", and even then she's fighting against it, violently lashing out against the image of what's causing her inner conflict, or dismissing it all as a joke to make it seem less important that it truly is. She wants to keep all of her doubts and fears SO hidden than even she forgets they exist.

Ozai is not the only person that Azula loves, but he very much is the center of her world, and nearly everything she does goes through the filter of "Would dad approve of this?"

To make matters worse, the fucker became Fire Lord, and you do NOT question the Fire Lord - just ask Zuko, the guy who still wanted Ozai's affection despite the plan to murder him, the disfigurement, the banishment, and the fact that he believed Ursa had been murdered.

Why did she smile whe Azulon ordered Ozai to kill Zuko? Did she not fully understand what was going on?

She didn't smile when she heard that order - we don't see her reaction to it, because Zuko wasn't in the room anymore at the point and the episode is about what HE remembers.

She smiled when Zuko got scared and ran away as their grandpa was furious, even though the old fucker didn't even know they were there. To me, that's her feeling all proud of herself for not cowering, and mocking her brother in her head for not being as brave as she is.

And let's not forget why Ursa found out about that plan: Azula told Zuko. Sure, she did it in a creepy, mocking tone, but she still warned him. To me, Azula fully believed Azulon DID want Ozai to kill Zuko, but was not sure if Ozai was gonna comply - the man himself DID refer to it, years later when he is VERY furious at Zuko and has already disgured and disowned him, as "My father commanded me to do the unspekable to you, my own son." If OZAI of all people was hesitant, it's not wild to assume Azula felt there was at last a chance he wouldn't do it.

Either way, we know he did eventually decide to do it. And that Azula would one day be fully okay with trying to trick Zuko into coming home just to be locked away forever, throwing him under the bus to save her own skin by claiming he killed the Avatar, and even with shooting lightning at him herself...

...But she also brought him home when she had absolute control of the Dai Li and could have betrayed him, BEFORE she found out Aang was still alive. She still warned him to be careful when visiting Iroh, without any hidden motivation.

So maybe, that night, when she was taunting Zuko, there was a tiny bit of her brain that was praying he wouldn't lower his guard and maybe even save himself if their dad decided to kill him. Again, Azula herself was probably not even aware of it because she was trying to mold her personality after a man that tried to steal his brother's throne as soon as he heard the guy no longer had an heir. Her dad saw family as disposable, so she convinced herself she did too.

[jessplaysgenshin]

As he's reminded of them

Anemo boys

quick disclaimer:

HI I'M BACK !! however i'm not in the mood for the lovey dovey writing when i get off work so in-between sounds like the better time to do it--

the keybord in my office is stupid and doesn't understand when i press keys, so if a few letters are missing, it's COMPLETELY NORMAL !

thank you~~

Venti

Venti has always been...

quite the peculiar fellow

always happy and cheerful

and it may have been bipolarity,

but he could get extremely serious in a single blink

you were absolutely delighted when you moved in with him

and so was he

he better have been

you two were mostly living on your salary

he did gain quite a bit of mora by performing

but that fool would spend it immediately in beverage

you had to get his lyre hostage every once in a while so he would behave

however...

there's something you've never really understood about the bard

and you'd probably never get it

mostly because he doesn't want to talk about it

which is fine

but every time it happens

you get slightly more worried

in the morning,

sometimes,

Venti would just stare at his reflection in the mirror

whisper several words

then shed some tears

the very fist time, you thought he learned some terrible news

but when you tried to make him notice the state he was in

he glanced at you, giggled, and told you he was fine

"Ehe, nothing important. What IS important is how gorgeous you are !"

and he then proceeded to come over to you and hug you tightly

whatever it was,

you hoped he'll tell you one day

or that he'd finally move on

-----

Xiao

Xiao too was particular

honestly, what could you have expeted from a adeptus

you knew these guys had quite an upbringging

but he looked more...

angry

than what you've heard about the others

maybe was it because he was more in contact with humans

he never really bring up other adepti

he barely even talks

sometimes you need to bribe him just to hear his voice

he trusts you

but he's still uneasy

you are similar to one of them

your attitude

your tone

your face

it's like one of his friends was reborn as a human

he sees so much of them in you

sometimes he accidently brings something from way back

and you're just confused

at that point he mumbles something about humans and being forgetful

or as it human forgetting ?

still, he didn't like slipping up like that.

he'll never admit it

but he was so very fond of you

of course he avoids human contact as much as possible

but he knows you swing by Wangshu Inn every so often, so he makes sure to check on you

some nights, you're just looking at the horizon

he'll watch over you in these circumstances

until you call it another night of Xiao not coming

others, you'd be feeling dwn

and he's fear that something he couldn't control happened

but most importantly

he feared that another person he cared for with his life would become a memory

he'd do aything to protect you

including getting hurt for it

or worse

every issue was beneficial for him, anyway

"don't fade away."

-------

Kazuha

The wandering life wasn't quite what you'd have expected

or maybe was it Kazuha's peacefulness that was unexpected

whatever was happening, he was always calm and collected

and dealt with the problem gracefully

he truly is wonderful

how blessed can you be to be by his sides at all times

you both had reasons that got you to travel together

some that you'd disclose, some that you wouldn't

one of them was that you were very interested by the man

you were happy to notice that

he'd even wait for you when you got injured that one time,

forcing you to stay in bed until your sprain was gone

on the last few days of your recovery,

you saw an expression different on his face

something that was so familiar,

yet

you swore you never saw him show that face before

he was lovingly staring at you,

his eyes filled with pain and regrets

all as you were simply laughing with him,

petting a stray cat that wanted some attention.

he never told you about Tomo until that day

you felt terribly sorry for him

of course,

he moved on,

but some memories were still vivid in his mind

you wished that you'd help him find new pleasant memories

they'll never replace his friend

but he'd have new memories to make,

to cherish

and to remember

------

Heizou

he's always been a special case

he's naturally a flirt

the worst part is

he doesn't even do it on purpose

it just happens

at this point it amuses him more than anything

he's a tease

but also

(and mostly)

he's genuine

however, he can't hide that sometimes

when you leave

he's afraid that he'll only find what's left of you

a lifeless body

covered in your own blood and dirt

he made his fair share of ennemies over time

and he worries that seeing you around him

will eventually hurt you

one way or another

so he always whatches over you

if he spots you in the crowd

he'll stay slightly afar to make sure no one suspiscious is around

you've got your own body guard

and you don't even know it

and hell never tell you

he would be too focused on you to pay attention to anything else anyway

all you wanted was to goof around

not give him more work

what kinda personnality does that guy have anyway ? heizou choose more charismatic friends jfc

-----

Scaramouche

he also is a special case

'The Wanderer'

he never told you his name

you two were close

but eventually

he remained on the sides for a bit

what a rude guy

still

time went by and you two got close again

he explained a few weird things

like how he did awful things

sins that he should be punished for

that you shouldn't be so friendly

especially not with him

you then had to make a point

you had to remind him that it didn't matter what he thought

because in the end

he had no saying on what you thought

especially not about him

that it didn't matter if he was a dangerous man

or a criminal

eventually, he came up with "i'm not even human"

"dam boy, i knew you were outta this world"

his expression of mixed confusion and annoyance was priceless

you got back to being serious

mostly because death wasn't your main objective at the moment

you told him that you cared so much more than he thought

that it didn't matter what or who he was

because to you

he was The Wanderer

someone you loved and cherished

he looked away with a 'tch' and never brought the subject up again

another argument won by y/n

--------

yeah i'll be honest i just wanted to get this over with my drafts are too large for yet another thing that was basically done (only needed to do xiao by that point)

HI AGAIN I NEED TO DO STUFF FOR KAVEH HE'S A LOVELY PRETTY BOY !

[welcometoteyvat]

characterization/headcanons masterlist?????????

baizhu: self-sacrificial yet selfish. pale, slight eyebags, crows feet, easily bruised (thin skin + anemia. L), sometimes uses a cane. surprisingly good with kids (see: ningguang) and despite everything else, has a nice, soothing voice. sometimes his smiles don't reach his serpent eyes. relentlessly pursues the greater good, no matter how many rights and wrongs get tangled together in the process, but tends carefully to each life under his care, far more than his own. patient, but doesn't suffer fools; kind, but sometimes a bit sadistic. pursues personal immortality, no matter the suffering he will face (re: xiaos warning), for the sake of the thousands of other lives that he might save. at his core, would like to save everyone, whatever it takes—and more importantly, has the confidence and (hubris?) arrogance to believe that saving everyone is possible. altruistic to a fault. does not believe in destiny.

shenhe: fierce, straightforward about things that mortal customs dictate you should be more subtle about. Childish, but only to an extent. feels like if you were empty inside but it feels like Something should be there, if only you could reach deep enough inside yourself to pull it to the light. feels deeply but sometimes vaguely, and uses interesting metaphors to describe her emotions sometimes. the thought of doing anything in halves has never crossed her mind. in that way she's as sincere and honest as her nephew. fuzzy on honorifics and titles, but understands deeply the concept of repaying kindnesses. still learning about the human world, but instinctively or by her own efforts, already understands most emotions—they are one of her few links to the mortal world. on some level, she gets people, but the detailed customs and laws that people have layered on top of raw feeling and direct action sometimes confuse her—there are too many unnecessary conventions that need to be followed to get to effectively the same end.

xiangling: mom is somewhere traveling, making a compendium of teyvat's herbs and medicines, and helping people, comes back occasionally to visit her and her dad. both her parents are bursting at the seams with love, and she is too—they have always taught her that the world is her oyster, and she knows that when they chide her to "be careful, don't get carried away, try not to break another pot", they mean well, and wholeheartedly want her to succeed. has never truly gotten burnt out, because the world is too full of potential for her to get tired of it yet. her dad has Yelled yelled at her at some point though, probably for an explosion, but she has always been earnest enough that he forgives her. 100% plays recipes by ear. semi-illiterate—can't read flowery writing/classic literature. xingqiu read an ancient epic to her and chongyun and she fell asleep, while chongyun said it was dull and "if your novel turns out like that, you should stop publishing". CANONICALLY STUDIES UNDER MADAME PING; i feel like i forget this. wholeheartedly believes food (and/or a listening ear) solves all problems, and her presence is like a cheerful welcoming fire after a long day. makes friends with all gods. may not understand everyone's feelings all the time, but tries her best, because she doesn't half-ass her friends' troubles, and gives down-to-earth advice.

chongyun: uses teachings of diligence. family uses catalysts mostly—claymore was for physical strength. translations make me die: "heart clear as ice, face like freezing frost". nothing if not sincere and honest, and fairness is very important to him. sticks to a rigid schedule of 3 meditations per day, followed by martial arts training, and/or spirit hunting/exorcising. has a mental complex about not putting in enough "work" (self defined) to achieve a certain outcome—hates taking the easy way out, even if it's already been hard enough. obedient and follows all contracts and conventions to a T, including adepti summoning. somehow likes listening to liu su's stories, but can't tell when the book we describe to him in the teapot is fictional (inconsistency? tbd). unsure of himself—still trying to form his ideal self, which is still nebulous and quite rough around the corners. dreamless sleep from yang energy. wip

hu tao: wistful about her grandfather's death—it's a natural part of living, so why was she still sad? enough years have mellowed her grief, but still has one thing she never got to say. playful and teasing, drops hints that she knows things far beyond what she's supposed to, especially when you least expect it. whimsy beyond whimsy, and sees no reason to drop childish antics when they make her happy. lanky body, prankster hands that are always cold, plays with her rings when bored. on the pale side, and her eyes are like january's vermillion plum blossoms in a courtyard full of snow. thinks out of the box, extremely creative, has very colorful metaphors, and quick witted; has roasts for days. wip

xingqiu: a copper coin hides in the corner of his smile. still roleplaying a hero, never gave up on his child self's dream. narrates his inner monologue like a romance (ie romance of the 3 kingdoms), chivalrous yet shirks his actual familial duty. wip, too many thoughts and not enough words

yanfei: SOMETHING ABOUT HER DAD IDK. mom hcs tbd. civil cases are her literal nightmare. despite this, has good knowledge of how to coerce and push people to admit to what they did, pretty adept at understanding human inconsistencies and motives. easy to talk to, and a very quick learner (manages to replicate yelan's illusion dispel within a day at most). a little bit of a weirdgirl. doesn't have a complex about her half-adeptal heritage unlike ganyu, and simply sees it as a perk. wip

to be added onto

[variousqueerthings]

Weird that they are placing so much emphasis on having bio kids as the ultimate form of happiness and legacy, when Mr. Miyagi is like, right there. Do the writers think of him as different/a tragedy because he would have had it if his wife and son didn’t die, or did they just forget?

I answered and I deleted and I answered and I deleted, because I agree so much with you and I don't want to ruin the enjoyment for anyone, so let's put this below the cut:

THE ANSWER/VARIOUS RAMBLES STUCK TOGETHER WITH TAPE THAT I ACKNOWLEDGE DID NOT STICK WITH YOUR ORIGINAL ASK APOLOGIES (we did start there though):

maybe miyagi was actually secretly evil the whole time........ 🤔🤔🤔(joke)

that family structure is suspect dude, sounds queer to adopt a kid who's being bullied, years after your wife and child died and then not even knock up his mom, what are you gay?

at the very least don't pretend it's a real family you've got there, you'll always be a tragic sad man, without your biological progeny, which is the only kind that matters, and only if done in the Correct way (single parents need not apply)

weird we had the "tanmee" line in s3, but this season just straight up forgot a lot of its own building blocks in favour of some weird aggressive and regressive heterosexual bullshit -- the more I think about it the more discomfort I feel, which isn't to make this deeper than it is, I don't think there was bad intent. I think there was a tragic lack of imagination and it coincides with some real-world Politics that the show doesn't care about and is tacitly conservative about, but I sign onto the show not to be reminded of that world

a lot of people have mentioned that the show bears very little resemblance thematically to the core of the original (two) movies -- it's always been conservative in its depiction of military and war and violence, and simplified an actually incredibly complex, and yet incredibly clear-cut messaging that positions Miyagi (and his ideals) on one side and Kreese (and his ideals) on the other, with very clear reasoning as to why one is right and one is not

the show has been antisemitic, it's been racist, it's had a lack of queer characters that is all the more obvious in a story about a group of outcast kids with found family themes (first produced in 2019), and it's been sexist/underwritten the value that women have in a story about legacy and toxic masculinity and gender roles

and in fandom there have been interesting bits of analysis and writing from very talented and clever people to acknowledge these unexamined prejudices and flaws. they have been challenged in art and in narrative, and there has been plenty of discussion about where we can suspend disbelief and what we (individually) won't take onboard in our own various tellings of the story

up until s5 I have been able to hold that tension, because I truly enjoyed the story and the underlying themes and characters and was baseline expecting those themes and motivations to still matter

but oof the way that this season became entirely divorced from any of the show's own grounding themes, hasn't only made the characters hollow to me, but it's also made me realise (and hey, maybe I should realised this sooner, more fool's me) that they really don't give a shit about Miyagi

which is crazy because the story's about him.

EDIT: and i do still feel deeply uncomfortable about the final fight, and generally how daniel “defeating” anything was done totally absent of miyagi’s ideals -- the only way to solve anything is violence now. beat the other guy into submission to beat your fear i guess. meaningless to what daniel’s journey was, but good to know he’s also manly enough now

and more importantly than anything in a story that's just about liking or disliking trajectories and reads... I am deeply uncomfortable with its politics now

I think how I felt about s4 was that it had some moments I didn't like, but the trajectory made sense to me. with s5 there are moments I do like, but it's empty. I don't know why anything in the last episode happened. I feel intense discomfort about the treatment of women and girls. And to be clear I don't think that there was an intentional drive to make the messaging... that about queerness versus dominating toxic heterosexuality, but honestly I'm living in a pretty shitty world these days with a lot of backsliding in equality and I don't think that I can happily shut off my brain and watch something that conservative anymore

it's not technically anything deep as such, it's not real life. I've really enjoyed the show, I've made some lovely friends through it, and read some of the best fic, and gotten to hype up some wonderful artists and I'll stay in fandom, but I think I might be done with the show itself

but hey, miyagi adopting this skinny little punk from new jersey and giving him some valuable life lessons only for this kid to adopt him right back, that I can rewatch a million times and like I said -- the story is all about that (and it most certainly isn't a tragedy)

[pegging-satan]

some fun theories:

i was just thinking abt the agency, Dazai, and Fukuzawa, and their abilities. i mean, wouldn't Dazai's ability cancel out Fukuzawa's? or is Fukuzawa the only one who can control No Longer Human? but something that gets me in the feels is that their abilities just don't touch each other. Fukuzawa simply doesn't use it on Dazai, because first, it would not work, secondly and more importantly, because he believes in Dazai. he believes in him, that he will only use his ability in favour of the agency, that he will stand for whatever the agency stands for. because he believes in the Good in Dazai, that he truly believes that Dazai is a changed man, because he is, he trusts Dazai completely.

which is also a bit heartbreaking, because now Fukuzawa has seen betrayal. his best friend betrayed him, no matter if it was full circle for the good of the world, but if a man who he so blindly trusted, who Ranpo blindly trusted because of him, could do such a thing, then who's to say Dazai wouldn't do the same? after all, he hasn't known Dazai all that long anyway, but he knows just how cunning he can be. He knows about Dazai's shady past, his suspiciously clean record, his time with the mafia. "don't forget he used to be in the mafia, deceit runs in his blood." actually i'm really loving the idea of Fukuzawa being extremely paranoid of people betraying him. so he just gives Dazai back to the mafia.

but like at the same time Fukuzawa is no longer a part of the agency anymore. he is no longer the president, he is something greater now. handing the torch on to Kunikida as he deserves. now, since Fukuzawa is no longer a part of the agency and Mori made the deal with Fukuzawa and not Kunikida, that means that he is in a position to just refuse to give Mori an agency member, because he's not the one he made the deal with, hence making the deal completely void.

now since i am an old man yaoi enthusiast here's a fun one:

Fukuzawa, exhausted and completely drained after going through All That (tm): sigh, who you want

Mori, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear, giving his best doe eyes and fluttering his lashes: ~you~

anyways these were all just for shits and giggles, don't take me too seriously xx apologies if there are some fallacies in this but yeah x

[thevideosociety]

WE ARE ALL COWBOYS

By Mitzi Starkweather

Several months ago we took my 2-year-old to an "old time photo" attraction in the heart of the Ozark mountains: Branson, Missouri. (If you're not familiar, Branson is like Las Vegas but smaller, and instead of alcohol there's fudge.) We walk into a musty patchwork of a building and immediately an employee hands my toddler a toy revolver. He accepts it with glee and I ask him, "Do you want to be a cowboy?" 

He pauses. "Mooo?” he asks. I realize he doesn't know what a cowboy is. 

"A cowboy is a man who rides a horse, has a gun, and wears a big hat. He fights bad guys and goes on adventures."

I continue, in my own mind, "and he is alone.”

The staff wrangles my toddler and manages to get adorable photos of him — hat, chaps, and all — on a saddle. They throw a horrible vignette and sepia filter on it and I hand over my credit card with joy. 

For some unknown reason it feels right to see my two-year-old portrayed this way: with a hat, lasso, gun, and somber expression. Yet, our family doesn’t own livestock or a farm. We don't keep guns in our home. None of us has ever worn a cowboy boot. I was even born in Canada! So why did this experience mean so much to me? 

I’ll never forget one of my history professors in college commenting on how interesting it is that while American cowboys remain iconic symbols of America, freedom, and manhood, they actually existed for less than two decades. And now, I recall this comment nearly two decades later. I recall it through the lens of the study I began after I got that college diploma, a study that is sacred in my mind, heart, and closest relationships: the study of cinema.

Movies have resonated with me since childhood. They taught me about life and love and conflict and revenge, good guys and bad guys, darkness and light. From a young age I was able to find the patterns, decipher the meanings, pay attention to the visuals, sounds, scores, performances, motifs... My literature major in college helped me understand all stories in a deeper way. I learned the recipes, the cliches, the twists. Most importantly, I learned that if you, the viewer, see something in a story and can back it up with at least a little bit of evidence, then it's there. 

After all, 

"We do not see things as they are. We see things as we are." -Anais Nin

This is true for art, love, and of course, movies.

My Father-in-law loves movies, but he insists they make him feel good. “Why would I pay money to be sad or scared?” he said to me many years ago. I've thought of his question many times since. Sure, the "feel good" movie has its time and place. It's like pizza: even if it's bad it's still pretty good. And some people live on pizza. (They just miss out on vital nutrients.) 

I want movies to illicit different emotional responses in me because I want to process my emotions but I need help. I need to watch a character on a screen feel it and then when my heart beats fast and my face feels hot I know that's my body saying, “Me, too." I, like most others, faced incredible challenges the past three years. I dove deep into horror movies because having a baby during a pandemic (first baby, first pandemic) was the most terrifying experience of my life. And I fell more deeply in love with cowboy movies last year when I faced cancer. When I say “cowboy movies” I don't just mean Django. I mean John Wick, Rocky Balboa, Royal Tenenbaum, Luke Skywalker, agent Dale Cooper, The Bride. I mean I finally saw myself in every main character who, bruised and bloodied, experienced loss and had to find the answer within themself — every main character who had to face death to decide they actually wanted to live.

America keeps getting lonelier. As we stay inside and online, as physical third spaces are abandoned for virtual ones, as one-person households become more common, we need stories. Stories connect us - all peoples throughout all time, and American ones tend to follow the hero's journey. Truly our "cowboy "is nothing new... but it continues to resonate in our modern context for a reason.

When we watch movies and talk about them we are cowboys gathered around a fire, sharing stories, eating canned beans, looking up at the stars and allowing ourselves to feel in a world that tells us to shut our feelings off so we can work harder. We want stories that make us laugh but also need stories that help us grieve. We have all experienced loss. Only when we release the pain of the past can we hope for the future.

We are all cowboys, weary and searching for anything to give this daily fight meaning, and we are stronger together.

“When there are clouds in the skies and they are gray, 

You may be sad but remember they'll all soon pass away. 

Oh Django after the shower comes, the sun will be shining.”

[dcanatian]

A Vow to Myself.

I'm not good at this love game...

At this flirt game...

Or at the games.

I'm not good with the long term relationship game...

Or at the doll face game.

I'm not good at the cutesy game

Nor at the acting game.

I'm not good at it, and I am tired of trying.

It's cringy & dignifying.

-Why do I feel compel to act anything less to capture a man. (2x)

99.9% of the time, they are simply boys trying to be men.

99.9% of the time, they aren't even Worth It.

So why do I feel so compel to be less than by walking around with a man in my arm..?

He is not a diamon or a ring.

He isn't shiny or a toy😏

-So why would I, Or do I, feel like I deserve a body who isn't it...(2x)

It's not like he isn't it, but more like I am not it.

I am not yet to my full potential b/c I am too worried about appealing to his desires.

I can not be the woman that I desire, because my focus has been turned towards the whispers of his voice.

I am too busy wondering if he's being honest or not, when I should be wondering about my boundaries and assertiveness.

-I am too focus onto the future pleasures with him, while I forget about my ownn promises to myself? (2x)

Who am I when I walkth with this man?

Who am I when I gazee into his eyes?

Who am I who am I when I am distracted...?

I seem to be the woman who has been reduced to a girl.

A girl who is worried about doll faces, and sweet words.

A girl who simply compares herself to everyone, because she allows him to make her feel Less- than...

A girl who simply compares herself to everyone, because she allows Herself to feel Less-Than.

I am a girl who loses focus for a week, who then comes back to life as she walkth the aile of regrets.

I am the girl who falls in love with fancies, but who is awaken to a storm.

I am a girl who simply runs, everytime they have tired to commit her...

I can't be committed, I don't allow it.

I don't want to worry about doll faces and fancy dresses...for a man.

I don't want to worry about sexiness and woman heels...for a man.

I don't want to worry about it because, that isn't me.

All that matters is to walk with a man Version of Myself who allows me to be me, crazy and all.

Not only a man A Version of Myself who loves, but who accepts me, all parts of me. Who builds me, and who I can truly fall for.

A man Version of Myself who I can trust. Who I can gazed into, knowing I can come back to a reality of healthiness, instead of hidden molds.

A man Version of Myself who I don't have to try to change for.

And who doesn't allow herself to be turned into a man-made puppet.

How can I allow myself to be free from manipulation, when I am still being haunted by the shadows of my Past.

So, I can't allow myself to be captured when I am still learning to love this woman, who has finally decided to walk through the aile with no one, but herself. (2x)

Sam, I Do to your simpleness.

I Do to your God.

I Do to your fantasies, & to your beliefs.

And most importantly, I Do to your wildest dreams.

The world has never been for your dreams, & you've somehow still managed.

So I don't understand why you would allow a man-boy stop you from capturing your own shooting star.

So, I Do to your dreams, your God, and most importantly of all...to your happiness.

Sam, I Do, to committing to Every Version of You💕🖤

& that's period

Oct 29th, 2021

[thememoriesofaqueen]

You’re missing our point , yes it is fast. But also you can’t maintain an illusion or dream or whatever else u want to call it, if you break it. You can’t drive in a car w a dream a dream can’t take you to dinner. You can’t maintain the illusion if you present them both w tangible proof that the other person is in fact very real. Like for example other people being around and interacting w that person.

Me personally if someone broke my heart and left me to die and ‘ignored’ me when I was dying (she thinks) I wouldn’t be jumping at asking them, not even him asking.. to take me to dinner. I would be to hurt to interact w them on a romantic situation like to a dinner. We never said she would cry. But she absolutely has the right to after hell she’s been through and he put her through, just him. And especially if I don’t know if that person is in my head.

Katherine especially would have been able to admit and talk about things w him if she thought she was talking to herself and he wasn’t real. She won’t be able to think that if they go to dinner of all things. Other people will have to see him and talk to him, not just her. So any honest admission that could have come from either of them thinking they weren’t actually talking to an actual person is gone.

It also lets Elijah off the hook waaayyyy too easy IMO Like I said, it’s your story. You choose the pace 🤷 But you also ask feedback

First of all, thank you for your polite feedback ♥

I don't necessarily think one has to exclude the other. I, personally, have often dreams in which I interact with people I know in places I know and when I wake up and eventually remember the dream, I ask myself whether it's a memory of something that has truly happened or if it was the memory of something that wasn't real. I think it will work for Katherine, although this dream-like state will stop working for Elijah because he definitely remembers that it had been real. Then, on the other hand, 'Katherine' reacts differently / ignores him during the daytime which will continue to challenge him.

It also won't be a romantic dinner of any sort. Just someone who offers something which is helpful to her at the time at a place she has never been during a time when not so many people are looking for something to eat. Katherine is a woman that uses others to her benefit or at least doesn't turn down things that are advantageous. That hasn't changed, especially after she became more dependent on others. Yes, she would choose / prefer another company but let's not forget this is Katherine whose first priority is surviving. She knows that it's always good to have a backup plan but that doesn't have to mean she's emotionally available for him or is capable of forgiving him (which she won’t do – she’ll react and treat him at most like she would treat anyone else but with less desire to share information).

And yes, Elijah has broken her heart, betrayed her trust, and didn't react when she called out for help but he didn't leave her to die. He also didn't physically hurt her (like Damon did). The situation is bad but it somehow resembles what happened after 1492 where his role has been a lot worse in my opinion. Yet she interacted with him in the present and reached out to him when word of the cure arrived. And, if one wants to take a further step, she was also glad to see 'him' in season 5 (though the situation was different because she actually had been dying at that moment).

I get that it would be more angsty and more magically enchanting if they continue to meet at that fountain night after night, but I personally don't know what they should do there. Talking about hurt feelings and disappointment works for one more night but then it's getting difficult (and lets not forget she already admitted her thoughts when she was drunk so Elijah knows how she feels). And more importantly, what would it change? Words are great and all and it's good to talk and try to heal but eventually, actions must follow. Otherwise, words are just meaningless, empty shells.

Another anon also once pointed out that Katherine must feel like she's losing her mind if she's constantly, night after night, imagining things. And that's honestly something I'm not comfortable with.

I appreciate your feedback though (especially because your criticism is polite - thank you so much for staying friendly ♥) and I will put three - four weeks between their first interaction to their second interaction so that there's more time for Elijah to watch Maisie and wait for Katherine in hopes she will show up. Hopefully, this will make it more natural.

[ineffably-human]

Here There Be Leaks, Part the Third (or the First Redux, I Guess)

So two things: first, I have seen the video of the Freddie leaks. (I am super flattered that kyrilu has opted to trust me with this, because they - genuinely not sure of their pronouns - don't know me at all beyond our chilling on the same Discord server.) I will not be providing it here for the same reasons they didn't, because it sounds like the actor's agent was made aware of his mistake and I don't want to get him in further trouble. But if the other audition tapes are real, and I think they are (because that's a crazy elaborate ruse if not), then this one is also real.

No, I don't know why the dialogue is weird like that. Maybe it's like some of the other leaked stuff, where there's other bits of dialogue in between that the actor auditioning doesn't need. We still don't know a LOT, all our feral speculating really is just that, but I for one am having a lot of fun.

Second, and more importantly: for everyone who didn't get a look at it the first time, I have the transcript kyrilu made of the audition tape - as well as an alternate take that they didn't provide audio of, with a couple of slightly different lines. I have no idea why the lines would be different between takes, but there's a Contessa Carmilla audition video on Vimeo and another one on YouTube, and there are slightly different lines between them too, so maybe it's not that unusual for Shadows, idk.

I've also received kyrilu's permission to repost, and I don't mind playing DCMA football because they haven't yelled at me yet, so transcripts are under the cut. Please don't bother anyone on the cast/crew, or do anything else that might get this taken down, but if for some reason it does then I will post my own takedown notice for all to see and bask in, and then someone else can pick up the game of hot potato. Love this fandom, and more excited than ever for the new season!

TAKE ONE

FREDDIE: This place is like a museum. I can’t believe this is your house, Guillermo.

GUILLERMO: Well, it’s not really my house. I just helped take care of Nandor.

FREDDIE: How’d you never tell me that? I thought you worked at the UN.

NANDOR: Ha! Guillermo doesn’t work at the UN. Don’t be silly.

GUILLERMO: [to Freddie] He forgets things. He’s not all there. So I, uh, volunteer with him on my days off.

FREDDIE: Ah, you’re so sweet.

NANDOR: Guillermo, why didn’t you tell me your friend was coming? I would have prepared a lengthy welcome dance.

FREDDIE: We’re a bit more than friends, actually.

NANDOR: Oh, I see. Best friends.

GUILLERMO: No, um, Freddie and I have been dating. We’re dating. Uh…yeah, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.

NANDOR: Oh wow. You have nothing to worry about, Guillermo. This is fantastic. And a long time coming. Guillermo has been so lonely. Like, really lonely. It was funny at first, but then it became pathetic. At one point, I saw him having a tea party with a dead body.

FREDDIE: Mm. Thank you, Nandor! And may I just reiterate that you have a beautiful home. This tapestry - is it Turkish in origin? Around fifteenth century?

GUILLERMO: Freddie is a junior associate at Sotheby's. A real art buff.

NANDOR: Yes. Good eye. I disemboweled many, many villagers to get that tapestry. Not sure why. Truth is, I don’t even like it that much. A bit gaudy.

GUILLERMO: [whispering to Freddie] We’re thinking about upping his medication doses.

FREDDIE: [whispers back] Probably for the best. [to Nandor] Well, I’d love to hear more of your stories, Nandor. So glad to have a new buddy.

NANDOR: That’s me. I am the buddy.

FREDDIE: [coughs] This place is rather dusty, though, heh. I’d suggest getting a Roomba. [chuckles] But it would probably kill itself.

NANDOR: [laughs] I don’t know what any of that means. But I love it.

FREDDIE: Truly a top-notch collection you’ve got there, Nandor. You should be proud of yourself.

NANDOR: No one has ever said that to me before.

FREDDIE [scoffs] That can’t be true. Well, if you ever need anyone to help you look after any of these treasures, promise you’d give me a call, huh?

NANDOR: It would be an honor.

---

TAKE TWO

FREDDIE: This place looks like a museum. [He’s opening up a Russian nesting doll and startles when it pops open with a squeak. He hurriedly sets it down.] I can’t believe this is your house, Guillermo.

GUILLERMO: Well, it’s not really my house. I just help to take care of Nandor.

FREDDIE: How did you never mention that? I thought you worked at the UN.

NANDOR: Ha! Guillermo doesn’t work at the UN. Don’t be silly.

GUILLERMO: [to Freddie] He forgets things. He’s not all there. So I, uh, volunteer with him on my days off.

FREDDIE: Ah, you’re so sweet.

NANDOR: Guillermo, why didn’t you tell me your friend was coming? I would have prepared a lengthy welcome dance.

FREDDIE: Um, we’re a bit more than friends, actually.

NANDOR: Ah, I see. Best friends.

GUILLERMO: No, uh, Freddie and I have been dating. We’re dating. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.

NANDOR: Oh. Oh wow. You have nothing to be sorry about, Guillermo. This is fantastic. A long time coming. Guillermo has been so lonely. Like, really lonely. Like it was funny at first, but then it became a bit pathetic. At one point, I saw him having a tea party… with a dead body!

FREDDIE: [to Guillermo] Oh gosh, he really is far gone. [to Nandor] Thank you, Nandor! And may I just reiterate that you have a beautiful home. This tapestry - is it Turkish in origin? Around fifteenth century?

GUILLERMO: Freddie is a junior associate at Sotheby's. A real art buff.

NANDOR: Yes. Good eye. I disemboweled many, many villagers to get that tapestry. Not sure why. Truth is, I didn’t even like it that much. A bit gaudy.

GUILLERMO: [whispering to Freddie] We’re thinking about upping his medication doses.

FREDDIE: [whispers back] Probably for the best. [to Nandor] Well, I’d love to hear more of your… stories, Nandor. So glad to have a new buddy.

NANDOR: That’s me. I am the buddy.

FREDDIE: [coughs] This place is pretty dusty, though. I’d tell you to get a Roomba in here, but I’m afraid it might kill itself.

NANDOR: [laughs] I don’t know what any of that means. But I love it~

FREDDIE: Truly, a top-notch collection you’ve got here, Nandor. You should be very proud of yourself.

NANDOR: No one has ever said that to me before.

FREDDIE: [to the camera] Well, when you talk about disemboweling villagers willy-nilly, I’m not surprised. [to Nandor] If you ever need anyone to look after any of these treasures, promise you’ll give me a call, huh?

NANDOR: It would be my honor.