#Don't worry about the vent - I talk about it in the post itself as well but I only finished an idea from a while ago it's fine haha

[sysig]

Your Weekly TV Guide

On Monday you can expect:

2:30 PM: Star Control II - Helix

And Tuesday:

2:30 PM: SCII - Helix

Wednesday:

2:30 PM: SCII - Helix

Thursday:

2:30 PM: Sona reacts to Eclipse

Friday:

2:30 PM: SCII - Helix

Saturday:

2:30 PM: SCII - Helix/SCII

Sunday:

2:30 PM: Just Desserts - Charm Myr (vent?)

Thanks for tuning in! (Patreon)

[rigels-nigels]

:p

[yugiohz]

i love this blog because most of you don't care about or follow bnha so i can vent here without getting dogpiled by other readers. also, everyone is welcome to comment, disagree etc. as long as you're respectful, what i don't like though is when people who haven't read bnha in years add comments/speculations ike bro you weren't there!!! anyway i put this rant under a read more ^-^

to preface this, I don't want to bitch and moan too much about this epilogue, Horikoshi seems to have given up and tbh we don't know what drove him to this point of resignation (probably overexertion).

I've made around 50 posts about the todoroki closure and what kind of ending they received, but i think there's one thing that bothered me that i never menitoned; I have a bone to pick with class 1A being granted immunity to everything while the villains have to bear the brunt of horikoshi's questionable decisions.

while i never really cared about class 1a, i've always respected that class 1A's community is a focal aspect of horikoshi's storytelling. In that regard, I wasn't surprised that Shoto would be okay with the dysfunctional state of his family because they've never been a support system for him , class 1A is his support system and where he first builds his genuine relationships and that's cute. I also think Shoto's shouout to class 1A in the epilogue tied rlly well into his fight with Dabi (the anime made it even nice imo), like i can't deny that shoto's 1st year of high school helped him so much on so many levels!

that being said, that transition from family to class 1A still left a bitter taste in my mouth because, to me (!!!!!!!!), it just felt emblematic of the ignorance and shortsightedness that permeates horikoshi's writing, especially coupled with these recent chapters; this epilogue enforces bnha's ignorant belief that as long as deku's immediate cirlce (class 1A) is fine and trying their best, we don't have to worry about anything else; Class 1A get to have their corny moments, survive heart attacks & open heart surgeries, their arms grow back, but NONE of that suspension of disbelief that it takes to accept this make-belief story is granted to the villains. The juxtaposition between how class 1A was handled vs. how the villains were handled is too jarring. This epilogue cemented to me (!!!) that heroes and villains seem to abide by 2 separate sets of diegetic rules/logic, which is just bad writing to me because there is no coherence behind it beyond the "good people deserve good endings and abjects of society deserve bad endings". you really can't be mad at "villain stans" for being incredibly frustrated when we SEE that horikoshi can very well bend some rules and make characters survive (which in itself isn't even my main gripe) and grant them kinder endings.

I love tragedies and I would be fine with some not so great outcomes (dabi) if the asymmetry between heroes and villains weren't to jarring. This epilogue made it very clear whom horikoshi deems worthy of kindness & dignity and whom he doesn't.

Class 1A getting to live in their little microcosm where they get rewareded for mere effort & can sing and dance all kumbaya while every single villain (VICTIM) dies is just insane. It feels perverse to me. and while i do think that shoto's love for class 1A is convincing and fits his arc, I also think that it's a bit ridiculous that horikoshi always emphasizes that love when shoto doesn't form significant relationships outside of the main boy circle, how come ochako is also part of that circle but he doesn't talk to her once (misogyny), horikoshi talks an awful lot about this particular bond when shoto has like 3 friends in that class, which is fine but you can't be mad at me for wanting him to put some effort into how shoto deals with his BROTHER like they should've gotten a bigger moment..........

I can come to terms with dabi's ending tbh. while i wouldn't have written it like that, he's always been a dead man walking so whatever, i can see the tragic value of it in some grotesque way even though i'd love for a victim to survive this violence. But shigaraki's ending is extremely insulting and leaves a very questionable message like what's the point of this.

whatever this epilogue is beyong ridiculous to me & horikoshi is tired so i will let this rest and not waste my time being any more upset about it hopefully. most of bnha has been very fun and the bakudeku plotline was handled beautifully imo, you can tell horikoshi put effort and love into that and for that i'm grateful <3 don't ask me anything about the villians tho

i wrote this at 7am on an empty stomach so feel free to comment/correct/remind of sth i love talking about this :)

and as much as i appreciate the much more positive reception of these recent chapters I read those posts too, I don't think it's wrong to say that, on a very basic level, bnha is extremely disappointing for failing its biggest victims

the only thing that could make me take back all of my criticism would be bnha 2.0 in which horikoshi would actually make his characters reflect onn whatever happened lmaoooo

[ikamigami]

Sorry for not saying anything for the past day. I've been trying to gather my thoughts and feelings over the whole situation. I'm not even sure what to say since I'm usually the "listen quietly and give small indications that I'm listening while someone vents" type of comfort. I'm afraid I'll say the wrong thing and make things worse for you. If simply mentioning the situation brings you back to a bad mind-space, please ignore this then and go about your day.

But I want to say that I love your analysis, the passion you have, and hope this situation didn't take away what appears to be something you enjoy doing for any other character you like to analyze. What happened was too far. Whether it was targeted to someone else or you, in the end people got hurt and you were one of them. You deeply connected to a character and worried for them, that's not something to be ashamed of. Whether you're right or wrong, that was your personal interpretation and it's not like you made a petition to make your interpretation true and harassed others. If it somehow came off that way to other people, the situation could have been handled better. Again, sorry being quiet until now. We're new mutuals and I wasn't sure if I should say anything. I'm glad others, however, had shown their support to you and helped you through all of that. Please take care of your mental health and I hope today is better than yesterday for you.

And sorry for making this anonymous. My anxiety is getting the better of me. If anything I wrote made you upset or if this itself is overstepping a boundary as a new mutual, please know that I'm sorry and to please just ignore anything I said/delete this. I don't plan to do something like this ever again.

You're absolutely fine. It's okay, dear anon 💗

I understand the hesitation. I also often hesitate when I want to say something that it makes me anxious.

Thank you so much for your kind words and support. Even though you're just a new mutual, you already expressed such deep concern about my well-being and I can't thank you enough for this ^^

They told me that it felt to them that my theories come across as if I think that I'm right and I'm upset when others don't agree with me.. which is true kind of.. idk anymore.. I also thought that others theories also had that feel to me.. but no one was upset so I am probably at fault.. right?

I left Discord on January.. and even before I stopped talking about it.. and I focused to talk about it only on my blog on Tumblr.. but one time I went under someone else's blog and there was an argument and I apologized and I promised that I won't do that again.. and I think that I didn't do that.. but idk.. I'm not sure..

Some people blocked me and that's fine and I blocked some people to so we wouldn't uspet each others.. but I was still upsetting everyone..

I.. I just.. Do VAs really think about me like if I was like that Miku fan..? I wish for to know for sure but I think that this is true.. Were they harassed because of me? Because of my posts? I hope not.. but idk.. I can't be sure..

I..

It's okay..

You're so kind. Thank you so much for liking my analysises ^^ I appreciate your words and support 💗

Your words mean a lot to me, thank you 🫂

[todomitoukei]

I don't usually dislike endings to things. I am very easy to please. Usually when I see a movie it's my favorite movie immediately until I watch another movie.

But like. It really hurts to see that every character I related to has been screwed over or killed in some way. I understand that it's my fault for being a villain fan, for relating to Dabi's and Tomura's and Himiko's backstories despite them having killed people and thinking that the series would extend them a modicum of kindness that it had been saying it could, that I am now hurt like this. I understand not all series are like DBZ in which they spare most of their villains like Vegeta or 18 or Majin Buu. Not every protagonist is Goku, not every antagonist is Frieza. I get it.

It'd be fine if there were just us villain fans complaining into the void. Even if I were the only one upset, it'd be fine. I've had unpopular opinions before, I just wrote AU fanfiction for it then. I'm familiar with death to canon, I am in the FNAF and Danny Phantom fandoms, my favorite characters are William Afton and freaking Pariah Dark. What hurts most is the posts claiming that there's something wrong with my reading comprehension for not liking how things ended. That I should've known it was coming and agreed with them being killed off like that and that I'm stupid for expecting otherwise, that it was the only realistic option. Realistic, when there are characters who survived far worse, such as Nagant who exploded twice and Toshinori who had his intestines ripped out. Realistic when there's a boy who can literally explode his own sweat and a girl who is a frog.

Why do we immediately jump to question someone's reading comprehension and intelligence when they have a different opinion? And why is it my fault if I misunderstood a work, and not the author's for making things unclear? Isn't the point of reading to make your own understanding and discuss it with others, isn't that what's supposed to be fun about this? I'm hesitant to really talk about my opinions on MHA because of this, that's why I am sending this on anon and with a pseudonym. I don't like being called stupid, even if someone doesn't say it to my face. It makes me want to leave the fandom and go watch something else.

I hope I'm not just reading antagonism into people's posts, my family says I tend to read antagonism into people's actions where there isn't any. But it really feels like they are upset with us when I see it over and over again and see people saying "LOV stans DNI" and stuff.

Sorry for the huge wall of text, I guess I'm more upset about the fandom than the ending itself. I tried to format this in a way that is understandable, but it is very hard to type on mobile.

I hope you have a good day and thank you for your time. I appreciate the chance to vent anonymously. It's been eating at me since Shigaraki's end.

Feel free to delete this if you change your mind about hosting the vents, and if you start feeling badly do please take care of yourself. Don't forget to drink a water and eat a food.

- Doppio

First of all, no worries, your feelings are absolutely valid so don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

It's interesting people say us being upset about the villains' endings is due to a lack of reading comprehension when, like you said, it's inconsistent when taking into account the fact that the hero characters simply all get better off, surviving the craziest things while the villains die if someone just looks at them funny.

If I could be bothered and had the time or energy I could dissect the entire trainwreck that is this story and talk about how bad the writing is. This is not me being subjective, it's simply objectively not a well-written story. It's fine if people enjoy it and even like the ending, but objectively speaking, it is full of inconsistency, retconning and even if we take the technicalities out of it, the messages the story sends in the end are just awful.

The fact the story starts and ends by verbally telling us it's about reaching out to and helping people, only for anyone that is part of an oppressed group (queer people, physically and mentally disabled people, abuse victims etc) and is somehow different cannot and will not be saved, while the perpetrators, those in privileged positions of power, will continue to live life without any actual consequences is rather questionable.

If the story had always had that black and white tone, if it had always suggested to us that people that suffer and stand up for themselves will be left behind and rot in jail or die, fine. But the story suggested on multiple occasions that they could be saved and that they also had a point.

So don't let anyone tell you that you're wrong or don't have reading comprehension when the opposite is true. We have every right to feel frustrated when the ending doesn't line up with the messages it used to send and replaced them with the worst messages a hero story (or any story for that matter) could send.

Also, anyone that feels seen and represented by the lov, please know that you're valid and that you do deserve the best and that it's never too late for anyone to be saved and get better.

I wish the story and fandom understood that fiction is never completely separate from reality and that when we talk about certain topics or people we also indirectly talk about real people that relate to these topics or people (which is why removing Touya's scars in fanart or edits for example or making fun of his or Tenko's skin is highly problematic).

I hope you have a good day too despite everything!

[slashingdisneypasta]

I've been in a musical mood since I moved into my apartment (Seriously, there's something very satisfying about playing these Broadway songs out loud in your own living room (when my roommate left of course)), and seeing your dark Musical AU Post made me think of musical AU's for my... Oof countless ships 😅 of course you don't have to worry about answering ^^

Smarty-Pop • Phantom of the Opera AU

I have not known peace ever since you briefly mentioned their Erik/Christine dynamic in my sad Smarty-Pop ending drabble, and i mean that in a positive way XD and this gave me the perfect opportunity to explore an actual AU.

I'm thinking maybe Poppy can play a little bit of Madam Giry's role too, being the only one who knows the Phantom's secrets, the only calm one when the Phantom of the Opera strikes and possibly even delivering messages to the opera managers for Smartass. And unlike with the OG story, I like to imagine them in an already established relationship here- just, you know, a little secretive since it's the phantom we're talking about.

It's not uncommon for Poppy to go disappear down in the depths of the Opera House, whether it be through her mirror or one of the trap doors. And if one were to look through her dressing room, you could find many pink roses in various stages of wilt, and letters personally addressed to her written in the same colored ink. She claims she doesn't know who sends her them, but her dreamy smile shows more than just flattery. She leaves her own notes for Smartass as well, leaving them in loge #5 just before a show begins. Just sweet love letters only for his eyes.

No, they don't always agree. Poppy has lost track of how many times she's stormed down to Smartass' domain after something he most certainly did, and all the attention and admirers she had been gaining as her stardom rose have been dangerously grating Smartass' nerves. But at the end of each night, she is his, and he is hers. As it should be.

(Yeah this is partially me venting how i think a Christine x Phantom relationship would have turned out if it was the canon ending XD Also I'd like to point out that you said yandere Snartass might make his S/O marry him, which also correlates with the phantom trying to force Christine's hand. That is totally not going to become part of the Smarty-pop AU) thought XD

Greasypop • Dracula AU

I did struggle with Greasypop admittedly, but then I heard the song Please don't Make Me Love You from the soundtrack and I could not get this dynamic for this ship out of my head. Besides, it gives me an excuse to use the Vampire or the Monster AU XD No matter how you slice it, Dracula is pretty manipulative when you think about it. Especially with how he convinces Mina that Lucy's death was not his doing, which does fit Greasy's more manipulative nature... Not to mention that it'd be his fantasy to have as many hotties as Dracula did 😅

I'm just imagining vampire/incubus Greasy shows up into town, looking to plant his roots here for a while, and Poppy is one of his targets. Poppy can tell that something isn't quite right with him, even when he offers her comfort after she reads about yet another attack in the night. There's just something not right with Greasy.

But even so, she's having a hard time denying what he does to her. Just like how theres something about him that isn't quite right, there's something about him that makes her head feel dizzy. Something that let's his touch linger on her shoulder or arm before she snaps back to her senses. Something that makes her wish those evenings when he shows up unannounced and they wind up sharing a meal together don't end. It's like her heart is trying to give itself to Greasy, and her mind is trying to keep her grounded in reality.

It's not long before she breaks down, feeling like she's being driven mad, and just asks her friend- if he can even be called that- what he wants. She knows Greasy is not who he says he is, and she knows there has to be a reason he keeps coming back to her even though she's made it clear she doesn't want a man right now. Something tells her she doesn't want to know the truth, and yet another something tells her she wouldn't care.

But either way, no matter what, Poppy knows one thing for certain. Her heart can't take much more of this. And she didn't want it to. She doesn't want someone to come around and ruin this tranquility she's built for herself just for his own fun. So she asks, practically begs him, to just don't make her fall in love with him. Don't make her chase after him if he had no intentions of keeping her. Her instincts tell her that this is a terrible idea, that she should have slammed the door on the Spaniard long ago as she locked eyes with him.

But there was just something about him that made her love him.

(Not exactly the Dracula route I meant, I'm still working on it, but I hope it's still fun to read XD)

Peezy • Little Shop of Horrors AU

Ok ok I know this may not sound right but hear me out- Poppy x Wheezy are the most wholesome of the ships, kind of like how Audrey and Symore are wholesome. And also share the fact that Poppy/Audrey still see Wheezy/Seymore as such a good person deep down despite knowing or finding out the things they've done. Not to mention that Wheezy would treat Poppy right just like how Seymore would for Audrey.

Poppy and Wheezy work together in the same flower shop, and they both would agree that they are the high lights of each others work day. It's not exactly hidden that the two have feelings for each other- as their boss blatantly told Wheezy that he knew he thought things about the sweet girl. Though for many reasons, one of which is Poppy's horrid boyfriend Ben, they aren't together.

It was always heart-wrenching and rage inducing whenever Poppy would come in with fresh tears in her eyes, or when she would brush it off as just 'typical relationship struggles'. Wheezy has tried to just keep it to himself, and offer Poppy any comfort she needs. Though the night he got to actually see how that bastard treated her, he decided enough was enough. That bloodthirsty plant was the one who suggested it, but it's not like this wasn't a long time coming anyway.

The next morning, when Poppy is crying out of guilt rather than heartbreak, Wheezy keeps a cool head as he wraps an ashy arm around her and assures her that she shouldn't waste another second on that boy. He was never worth it, not if he couldn't appreciate what he had. Everything is alright now...

(... This was meant to be more fluffy, as fluffy as the original was, but it turned out a bit more manipulative than I intended at the end? I think? 😅 but hey, no one's gonna miss Ben either way-)

Pocho • Sweeny Todd AU

This one is special because here, Poppy is playing the role of Anthony, and Psycho Johanna. Specifically, I'm imagining the part of the play where Johanna is stuck in the asylum and Anthony is trying to break her free. Poppy in the Tiny-Tots AU is trying to set her friend and love free the second she finds out about him being locked away. Even if she has to employ the help of criminals to get him out.

Or, if we want more horror, Psycho is Sweeny, and Poppy is Lucy. Falsely accused of crimes he didn't commit just so the accuser could take his wife. Despite the fight he put up, Psycho and Poppy were separated, and she... Got hurt badly. And Psycho only finds out later when he comes back, now driven over the edge of sanity after all these years. And now, it's time for revenge.

Popshine • The Count of Monte Cristo AU

Another odd choice, I know. I almost gave this AU to Peezy in fact, but... Honestly I don't have too good of an excuse, I just want Shiny to sing Hell to Your Doorstep.

Also, just- can you imagine these girls using threads from their clothes in placement of engagement rings?? Shiny coming back years later, a shell of her former self but still being in love with Poppy despite how angry she is?? Poppy recognizing her immediately despite all that's happened and does her best to convince Shiny she still loves her???? My heart-

(Also I have a strong lesbian need to imagine Shiny in count clothes-)

Griny • Bonnie and Clyde AU

C'mon, how was this not going to be them?? Now granted, the only song I know from that musical is Buck you're going Back to Jail, but I do know the story of Bonnie and Clyde.

Shiny and Greasy would absolutely be criminal lovers on the run if it was just them. They would be such an infamous duo on the road, as they both can get mean when they need to.

(I would add more details to this, but I've been working on this ask for literal hours and I can't just save it as a draft so I'm trying to finish this 😅)

Bonus! Kingston X Poppy • Heathers AU

Ok ok ok I'm not sure if this musical would fit them honestly. Mainly because Kingston is your OC and you have broader musical knowledge than I do, so you know what would fit Kingston best. I just like the idea of Kingston singing I was Meant to Be Yours while Poppy is panicking in a closet.

What Musical would you say fits these two best, if you want to add onto this?

This is a very long ask, I apologize 😅 but I hope it's fun to read! ^^

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH OKAY

Smarty Pop Phantom of the Opera AU: I love how you set this up!! Pink roses at different stages of wilt? Poppy reading 'secret admirer' letters with a dreamy smile?? Ahhhhhhhhh

Greasy Pop Dracula AU: Ooooooh i love this.

please just dont make me fall in love with you, poppy breathes, heavy eyelids tired with life hanging heavy over her pretty eyes. Greasy's in her bedroom (vaguely she notices that he looks caught, for a moment. Eyes a smidge rounder and stock-still). She was sleeping until she had a bad feeling and woke- and saw him there. She should be terrified, she should try to run. She knows this. And yet she feels overwhelmingly calm, even with his wolf-like smile on her in the enclosed space; sleepiness from just a moment ago acting like a sedative. That, and that thing about Greasy that... always just makes everything go s l o w, around her.

(her will, her instincts to get away, her common sense, her movements... )

his smirk in the dark is definitely a warning as he straightens up, the sharp glint of his teeth making her feel a primal discomfort- almost fear.

i make no promises, hermosa. go back to sleep now. and in the morning try to resist; id like to see you try~

goodnight.

poppy watches the nightmare disappear swiftly, inhumanly gracefully, out her open window and only once he's gone- does she start to feel scared.

Peezy Little Shop of Horrors AU: I LOVE THE IDEA OF WHEEZY AND AUDREY II INTERACTING XDD I JUST KNOW IT WOULD BE GREAT XDD Also also-- Wheezy calling Ben 'boy'??? Sarah do you want me dead????? XD

Pocho Sweeney Todd AU: Ahhh, I love how you twisted this one around!! And the second one- woah XD Psycho is, of course, a great Sweeney. Plus they have kids so that works out, too (Imagine Turpin in this sent Percy away to boarding school or something, but kept Penny) I have to admit though that when I first saw the title here I thought Poppy was gonna be Joanna and Psycho was gonna be Anthony- and I thought, Rena would make a g r e a t Judge Turpin 😏 (i'm sorry, i'm thinking about rena in the turpin costume now XD the tight pants?? whoops- )

Griny Bonnie & Clyde AU: I LOVE BONNE & CLYDE I'M LISTENING TO IT RIGHT NOW. And- obviously- yes, this is absolutely perfect XD

Popshine Count of Monte Cristo AU: 🥺💕🥺💕🥺💕

(Also I'm very happy we both have the urge to put our mean bisexual oc's in periodwear XXD )

*just after they conspired to break greays outta jail*:

Seeing you mention You're Going Back To Jail though made me think XDD- who would Buck and Blanche? XDD Buck, Clydes brother who also broke outta prison and Blance, Buck's hardass wife who 's snide towards Clyde and Bonnie and sends her husband back to jail so they can one day be happy? XD My vote is for Jane Doe and Wheezy XD Can you imagine Wheezy gettin' told by his girl to turn his ass back the hell in??? 'what the hell are you talkin' about!??' *audible panic in his tone*

Bye, baby~

See you soon, sugar~

Kingston and Poppy Heathers AU: Oooooh, I could totally see this in the Highschool AU! XD

Hmmmmm, which musical AU should I go dor with King and Poppy... I donno, but I'm thinkin a Beetlejuice AU for Poppy and Rena XD Poppy is Adam (Or Lydia more like. But like grown adult Lydia who gets just as uncomfy as Adam does.), of course, and Rena is BJ XDDD Rena is such a gross femme fatale XD

I think we're a perfect fit, lets make out a bit-

Bigger, further, harder-

C'mon, drop your panties, I'm trynna fill you with wisdom and skill and the instinct to kill-

Gotta haunt til it hurts through the night~

etc

[feyascorner]

First off, I just gotta GUSH about how much I literally love your writings and all the little hc and tiny ideas you spit out on your blog~~ so much that you are actually one of the reasons I decided to pick up writing fanfic again and of course (Astarion is a literally, gem to write about)

I would like some advice if that is alright. How exactly do you get into the writing mood? I posted a chapter of a fic I am working on, but I seem to be in a slump right now. This is due to two things: I constantly feel this pressure while writing that it simply isn't as good as the fics I read myself, and I start to question whether or not I am actually doing well expressing the fic itself.

The second is, do you ever start listening to songs and get all these different scenarios you start planning on in your head, but when you try to write it, it just turns out to be bleh or nowhere near what you pictured in your mind? How do you manage to deal with that?

Thank you so much, and also so sorry for literally ranting/venting about this lol I think I just hold you in very high regard :)

Hello friend!! I'm so happy you decided to start writing again! It’s definitely a challenge sometimes w so much time that goes into it but it’s also very satisfying to watch it all come together :)

My writing process is a little more messy than it should be to be honest…i either just start writing for no apparent reason, daydream a lot throughout the day, but I think the most common occurrence is that I play the actual game and it just inspires me since I'm constantly talking to the actual character! It’s totally okay to be in a slump, it happens too often to me too. And as for feeling like your writing isn't good enough, please know that no matter how many fics there are yours is unique as your own. There's nothing like your own writing and it’s all the more reason to post it! And remember that writing is ultimately for your own satisfaction and nobody else’s! If you don't enjoy it there's no point! So try not to second guess yourself (I do this too but there really is no need to worry :)) if it helps I like to make some program read what I wrote out loud! It helps me catch mistakes and it makes me more confident in what I'm putting out so this might help you too <3

And yes I think it’s a universal author thing where you have so many thoughts but it just..doesnt work on paper? It’s the most frustrating thing ever but what I do is write JUST the dialogue first! I've seen this advice on other pages but if I write only the dialogue it’s harder to get stuck somewhere with description or actions. And if you like the way the dialogue came out you can just fill out the rest after :)

There's no need to apologize! I love that people trust me enough to ask for advice because I know how difficult writing can be…youre doing great just by writing a few words! Good luck I hope this helped even a little bit! ❤️

[leaderlamby]

TW: Rant/Long post

Alright so I've been thinking a lot about something and I just need to get it off my chest

No, nothing happened, I just need to vent a bit

So it's come to my attention recently that I have low social awareness, probably the autism

And because of that, I really tend to speak before I think. Even when typing and there's no pressure to respond immediately and I have all the time in the world to formulate my message so it comes off the way I mean

But sometimes I say things and I just don't realise they could be rude until someone points it out

A while ago when I was still in high school, I unintentionally made fun of my friend with tourette's

And that guy was just way too nice to correct me- not that I blame him, I get it can be a tough thing to do, especially irl

But I did genuinely care about him. Eventually after educating myself on TS, I did slowly start correcting myself, like simply ignoring his tics instead of trying to make them funny like an idiot (unless it was like excessive and I asked if he was okay)

And history has been sort of repeating itself in my discord server. It's not like I'm saying anything horrendous, but they weren't very nice things either

Unintentionally insulting one of my friends and their system, saying something to another friend that could come off as dismissive and disingenuous

And now I have a friend who will call me out if I do something like that, and they have, which is why im making this "social awareness" realisation now

The amount of shame I feel when they do (not that I'm upset at them for it, a huge part of this rant is how thankful I am they help me correct myself) - it's a really shitty feeling and I can never apologise enough.

THAT is how people learn. That is how I'm learning right now. Like I said, I have no idea these things are rude when I say them, so this is definitely teaching me to, one, be more educated on some topics and two, slow down a bit with what I say

Ever since I started this server as a public thing, I wanted it to be a safe space, especially now when I've gotten so close to these people

I would hate to be the person who takes that feeling of safety away

I still somehow feel like I'm not getting my point across well enough- this is not a pity thing for me, I don't wanna hear any "Oh its okay"- this is just me needing to vent abt these feelings and wanting to acknowledge how insensitive I am sometimes

It's not a public apology either, none of this stuff is public matter, I just cannot express how upset I am with myself for being the kind of person I hate - insensitive and non understanding

And when it comes to my friends, I ALWAYS want to understand, I ALWAYS want to learn. I always want to be someone they can talk to about their problems and not worry about how I might respond

I just love my friends so much, yknow? So indescribably much, which is why I'm making such an effort to not slip and say shit that could hurt them

Still doesn't feel like I explained this well enough but whatever

[alias-sam]

Pierced by a Golden Soul

Chapter 34. Eavesdropping

Platonic Jojo's x Reader

Summary: Fate is a bizarre concept with countless more bizarre implications. In life sometimes such extraordinary events happen that the only reasoning left must be fate. The tragedies that constantly befall the Joestar bloodline for example may be the unluckiest series of cards drawn in human history, or perhaps the work of a greater power. There is no way to tell for sure. Had Dio Brando or Jonathan Joestar moved slightly on a divergent path the world itself would be left very different. The fate or luck of the noble Joestar bloodline has led to destruction of evil likes of the Pillar Men and DIO. This story is of a similar caliber to that of the other Joestars (as I am sure you are familiar with them). This is a story of lost souls, compassion, hope, and above all fate.

Word Count: 2,445

(Crosspost from Wattpad, full fic is already posted there.)

"So...run this by me again." Tim sat next to you in the biology lab, writing down the results of the water tests. "You're going to go consult with your stand user associates and do what exactly? Where did you even meet these people?" You rolled your eyes, handing him another test tube.

"They're experienced with these things apparently. They haven't led me wrong so far, as of right now I trust them. They haven't given me much reason not to." It had been awhile since you'd been able to talk to Jaya, so Tim was your next best option for someone to vent to.

"I still think it's a bad idea." Tim muttered. "They're strangers." In true Tim fashion, he was facing the plan with a level of logic and criticism. As of late, you hadn't had the luxury to distrust and verify. You rested your head on the table, the full force of today's events finally taking an effect on you.

"I'll keep your concern in mind." You said, sitting upright.

"What are you two talking about?" Vita suddenly appeared behind the two of you, Tim nearly jumped from his seat. Vita looked no worse for wear. Given the fact he literally took a fall for you the other day, you were glad he hadn't hurt himself too bad. For awhile you were worried he was gone because of that little stunt.

"Uh- project...stuff." Tim replied, fumbling with his test tubes.

"Hey V. Nothing much." You greeted casually. "Didn't we talk about finishing the last bit of the project at your house the other day?"

"We did!" Vita lit up at the change in subject. "Wanna do it tomorrow?"

You glanced over at Tim who was still looking rather sheepish.

"I'm free." You shrugged. Vita turned to Tim expectantly. Tim adjusted his glasses, not taking his eyes off of the graph he was working on.

"I have some things I need to work on, sorry."

"No problem." Vita chirped. "Y/n and I can put it together ourselves, right?"

"I don't see why not." You shrugged again. Before the conversation could go on any longer the teacher called Vita away, saying something about missing classwork. Vita gave you a wave goodbye, you simply gave him a nod before continuing your work with Tim. "So what was the pH for sample three-" You glanced over to Tim only to find incredulity was written all over his face. "What?"

"I have no idea if you're crazy or just stupid."

"Excuse me?"

"That guy is a walking red flag!" Tim whisper shouted, pointing over to Vita who was just across the room.

"I wouldn't say that." You replied lightly making Tim lower his hand. "He's not nearly as bad as people assume."

"I hope you're right" Tim sighed, settling down a bit. "No offense, but you rely way to much on your judge of character."

"I wasn't all that wrong about you, was I?" You joked. The conversation reminding you of a similar one you had with Learco. Tim seemed creeped out by your classmate, but was far more subtle than Learco.

"Well- yeah..." Tim faltered. "But I was also t-trying to kill you."

"No you weren't." You shook your head, placing a hand on your friend's shoulder. "You don't have it in you, and neither does Vita."  Tim was calming down, but there was still an obvious apprehension in his eyes. "If he is a stand user, I can handle myself." You assured him.

"Whatever you say Y/n."

..........

Tim's words had an unexpected effect on you. Perhaps you had become too complacent? Could one too many near death experiences do that? Even as you were walking into Mr. Joestar's apartment building, the thought was bothering you. It was never a bad idea to be more careful. Tim had also made a good point about your judgment. So far you hadn't been wrong on going with your gut. It was strange. Ever since meeting Learco at the dock, it was like a sixth sense. Just by being around a person, you got a read on their character, even without any particular proof. Now that you were thinking about it, you had always been like that, really it wasn't a useful skill until recently. As you were trudging up the many flights of stairs in the building, a thought occurred to you. You stopped mid step and summoned Golden Soul. The stand watched as you tiredly leaned the wall behind you. After checking the stairwell was empty you sighed, looking your stand up and down.

"I'm only going to ask this one more time, what exactly can you do?" Your question was met with silence. "Still nothing? C'mon, I know you can talk." In fact, you'd heard your stand yell on several occasions while fighting or punching things. Your anger only grew when Golden Soul didn't even give you a nod or shrug. "Jeez. What the hell does 'muda' mean anyways?" You moved from the wall to pace across the steps. "Is that even a word?" You asked, once again being met with silence. "I'm really starting to wish you came with an instruction manual." You muttered, glaring at your non responsive stand. "Whatever. I just thought if I asked nicely you might answer." As Golden Soul dissipated you continued your way up to the top floor. "It was a long shot anyways."

.........

When you eventually reached the top floor you were winded. This place really needed to invest in an elevator or something. You quickly reached into your pocket, taking a moment to make sure you still had the metal shard. It was safely sealed in a new ziplock baggy.

"I really hope you aren't as troublesome as I think you are." You muttered looking at the tiny piece of gold-ish metal before tucking it back in your pocket. After a few minutes of searching, you found the apartment you were looking for. Without remotely as much hesitation as last time, you knocked on the door and waited. There was a quick shuffling sound before the door was opened by a very tired looking blonde woman.

"You're too pretty to be Mr. Jotaro."

"Excuse me?"

"S-sorry ma'am." You apologized, stepping away from the door, you checked the flat number. "I could have sworn this was Mr. Joestar's place."  It looked like the right apartment, then again, the complex was massive. It wasn't impossible you just got turned around.

"It is." The blonde woman replied. She regarded you carefully before seeming to realize something. "You wouldn't happen to be Y/n, would you?"

"Yeah..." You nodded hesitantly. "That's me."

"Jotaro told me you were going to come by." The woman stepped aside, gesturing for you to come in. You tried ignoring it, but she was eyeing you oddly. It made sense though, you were a stranger after all. You didn't know this woman or her relation to the two stand users you were seeking out.

After an awkward moment standing in the doorway, you passed the threshold and followed the woman inside. The flat was exactly the way you remembered it except the boxes were gone now. On the floor next to the coffee table, a little girl was playing with a stuffed toy fish and a model race car. An elderly woman was sitting on the couch drinking tea and watching the young girl.

"Who was at the door dear?" The older woman looked over to where you were standing and smiled. "Oh! You must be Y/n. Joseph told me you were coming." Despite her age, the woman jumped up to greet you. The older woman snatched up your hand to shake it. "It's lovely to meet you. I'm Mrs. Joestar."

"Nice to meet you ma'm." You replied, finally gaining enough sense to speak. There was something about the woman's bubbliness that made you feel much more at ease. The blonde woman that answered the door was still glancing at you with suspicion, or maybe caution. It was hard to tell. "I don't mean to be rude, but might I ask where Mr. Kujo and Mr. Joestar are?" Both women tensed, it was slight, but just enough for you to notice.

"They're in the office." The blonde woman pointed down the hall hesitantly.

"They've been talking for awhile." Suzie Q sighed.

"Please excuse me," You said, turning to face the hallway. "But I really need to speak with them."

"Of course." Suzie smiled, moving back towards the couch where she was earlier. The blonde woman who answered the door for you gave you one last weary glance before following.

You quietly made your way down the hall. As you neared the office door the hum and muffled mutterings of a conversation caught your attention. The office's door was cracked open slightly, giving you a small view inside. Confused, you walked closer, stopping right outside the door.

"Y/n doesn't even know about all this." You heard Mr. Joestar sigh. He sounded tired. "You can't expect them to be like him."

"Can I?" Jotaro snapped back. "You haven't seen Y/n fight. You haven't seen their stand." It was unusual to hear much emotion from Jotaro, but by his tone alone you could tell he was stressed, maybe even scared? 

"Jotaro..." Joseph responded softly. Typically, you weren't the type to eavesdrop, but given the conversation pertained to you...You decided to keep listening just a bit longer.

"Sorry." Jotaro took a slow steadying breath. "You remember all the things he did."

"It's not Y/n's fault." Joseph reminded his grandson softly. There was a shuffling sound and the quiet squeaks of an office chair.

"I don't understand how you can be so calm about this." Jotaro muttered.

"Because you're overreacting." Joseph said with a slight laugh. The two men continued talking, but their conversation fell on deaf ears. Your heart was racing for some reason. They had been talking about you. Why? The exchange was incredibly out of context, giving you nothing to work from.

With slow and deliberate movements, you snuck back down the hallway into the living room. The little girl was still sitting on the floor, playing around with her toys. The women were standing in the kitchen, both with a teacup in hand. Suzie noticed your appearance and frowned.

"Is everything alright?" She set down her cup to approach you.

"Y-yeah!" You answered quickly, already reaching for the front door. "It's probably for the best I don't interrupt them." You laughed awkwardly.

"You couldn't possibly go out in the rain." Suzie Q motioned over to the window. Indeed, the sky was overcast, water was softly pattering against the glass panes. You hadn't even noticed.

"Its fine." You sighed. "I've walked home in much worse." The rain was light, nothing compared to some torrential downpours you had faced before.

"Please, take a seat. I insist." Suzie Q urged gently. "You look tired."

"I wouldn't want to intrude ma'am." You said, trying to escape her concerned gaze.

"It's no trouble!" Suzie laughed, standing her ground on the subject. "Can I interest you in some tea?"

"No but thank you." You answered, taking a seat on the couch. Suzie Q gave you a small nod and went back to the kitchen. You propped one hand on the arm of the couch. The moderate tapping of raindrops on the building slowly lulled you a state of dissociation. You simply stared at the wall in front of you, thinking about the conversation you'd just overheard. It was odd, and severely out of context, but the two Joestars were distressed over something, something pertaining to you. Before your train of through could press the subject any further you felt a small hand tap on your leg. You looked down to find the little girl who was playing on the floor just a moment ago. She was watching you with wide curious eyes.

"Who are you?" She asked, pointing a finger in your face. She couldn't be more than six if you were guessing.

"Just a visitor." You shrugged, lightly pushing her hand away.

"My name's Jolyne." The girl introduced herself. You watched as she hopped up onto the couch next to you. "Mamma calls me Jojo." After a moment of contemplation, you decided to just roll with it.

"No way!" You responded with mock excitement. "My friend calls me that too!"

"No way!" Jolyne said airily, echoing your own tone. You awkwardly looked away from the girl, unsure on what else to do or say. She shuffled across the couch before tapping your shoulder. When you looked back, she was holding her toys. A car and a stuffed fish. "Pick."

"Uh... what?"

"Pick one!" Jolyne smiled, holding the two toys up to you. You hesitantly took the stuffed fish. It was a soft pastel blue and green; it was a bit worn down, obviously well-loved over time.

"This guy's pretty cute." You admitted, running a hand over the stuffed toy's tail. Jolyne shrugged, taking her toy car and rolling it across the edges of the couch.

"Hey!" She tapped on your arm excitedly. "Watch this!"

The little girl proceeded to jump off the couch, tossing the car in the air. You panicked, seeing her leg snag on a nearby side table holding a lamp. In the span of a second Golden Soul grabbed the table and lamp, preventing them from landing on Jolyne. On instinct you managed to catch the toy car before it landed on the poor girl's head.

You stood there, frozen in shock.  The six-year-old smiled up at you.

"Careful!" You scolded, handing the car and stuffed fish back to the girl. "Good grief kid! You almost gave me a heart attack."

"Awesome! Again! Again!" Jolyne clapped. "You're like a superhero!" She pointed at the lamp that Golden Soul was now holding. To a non-stand user, to would look like it was floating. You quickly put the lamp down and had your stand dissipate. At this point the women in the kitchen had noticed the commotion. Suzie Q walked in, observing the scene of Jolyne on the floor and your mildly alarmed expression.

"I think I should go..." You trailed off, glancing between Jolyne and Suzie Q. "Thank you for the hospitality, but if I stay my mom is bound to start worrying." You said, slowly inching towards the door. "Thanks again. Bye"

You practically ran away from the apartment. The rain didn't even bother you. It was a light sprinkle if anything. After gaining a comfortable distance from the building you stopped, breath heavy, to look up at the overcast sky. Your mind was swimming.

The Martez brothers. Julius Rossi. The Arrow. Golden Soul. The Joestars. All were pieces of a puzzle that was sitting in front of you. The problem was there wasn't a single corner piece to help start putting it together.

Nothing made sense anymore. Maybe it never made sense in the first place.

You needed some time to think.

[prismatic-starstuff]

vent post about medical stuff, do feel free to skip over this one

so i have psoriasis. pretty considerable psoriasis; it's on A Lot of me. and that gets me down, because i know how some people can be about skin conditions, even when they're not contagious (not that it should matter, people deserve to be treated like people regardless, but. still. i know how people can be.)

but in the back of my mind, there's been a little. shadow, i guess. just a tiny little voice whispering 'psoriatic arthritis' now and again. which i tried not to think about a lot, because it's not a guarantee that everyone with psoriasis will get it.

but, uh. i had an agitated eye the other day and didn't really know why, wondered if it could be psoriasis-related because i have a patch really close to the area that felt agitated, so i looked it up.

turns out psoriatic arthritis can come with sporadic eye pains. and recurring conjunctivitis, which comes by now and then whenever it feels like it. stiffness, but i'm not sure if that's due to weight or inactivity or what, i am overweight for my height and very sedentary so who knows. changes in fingernails, though that can be attributed to the psoriasis itself.

apparently psoriatic arthritis can happen at any age, usually after someone's had psoriasis for years (which i have) but— apparently it's most likely to really hit around 30 to 40.

i just turned 26, and the conjunctivitis has been an on and off thing for like a year or two. so... i don't know. i'd need to speak to a doctor to know for certain; which i'm fucking dreading, because trying to get a hold of a doctor about anything is like pulling teeth, and my local practice is pretty fucking useless about this stuff. (they had me on a wild goose chase when i was like 18 because they misdiagnosed me with ringworm, and i was the one who had to do my own research and be like 'hey i think i have psoriasis,' and i was the one who had to straight up say 'hey i want a referral to a dermatologist to talk about treatment options' and chase that up because no doctor ever did it despite the fact it's the obvious fucking thing to do.)

so... it's a scary thought. if i'm already showing certain signs at 26, and have been for a few years, and it typically really kicks in around 30, then— yeah, i'm worried.

and i know there's ways to treat things and stop them from getting as bad as they could be and manage them. ...when you can actually get a hold of medical professionals, anyway.

but it's all so fucking much, and i'm tired and i'm upset and i'm worried. psoriasis is a fucking nightmare and it's so much worse than just a skin condition because it's literally a thing where you can't so much as accidentally scratch yourself without your body deciding to fuck itself up to overcompensate for the 'injury.' it makes me miserable because it's the kind of thing that people stare at; i could wear shorts in summer, sure, but only if i didn't mind people staring and grimacing and saying 'oh but isn't it sore? it looks sore.' (it's not, by the way. it's just itchy.)

and as if all the self-image shit from that isn't enough (bearing in mind it's on my face as well so it's not exactly easy to hide) now it looks like there's a very good chance it might fuck up my joints one day too.

...i don't have a poetic or satisfying way to end this post. i don't even have a point for making it. i've been fucked up since eight in the morning about this and no matter what i do i can't cheer up because that voice whispering 'psoriatic arthritis' is louder than ever and i hate my body and my body hates me, apparently.

that's all. if you made it through all this, thanks. ♡

[eilinelsghost]

Hello!! Sorry to hear ur fic is giving you trouble. Have u considered. beating up finrod about it? (worked for me 😂)

Would u pls do 👀 💞 🧠 🤲 🎉 😈 ?

Thanks for the asks, @actual-bill-potts! And yes, I have indeed considered that strategy! He is getting quite emotionally bruised here, don't you worry. 😉

👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please! One that I am looking forward to is Balan's arrival in Nargothrond. It's going to really settle in on him that he pretty much abandoned his sons with very little notice and he will also be navigating how to interact with Nóm-as-Finrod, who seems nearly a stranger to him in this completely overwhelming and foreign setting. So he will have a lot of grief to navigate, as well as wondering whether he's having second thoughts.

💞 Who’s your comfort character? lmao as if you even need to ask 😆 Findaráto Ingoldo Artafindë Finrod Angolodh Firindil Nóm Atandil Felagund Edennil...pick which name you prefer. He's the one.

🧠 Pick a character, and I’ll tell you my favorite headcanon for them. You've said Finrod, so YAY! Ok, so one of my favorites lately is that he was a very shy child (this shows up a bit in A Heady Fragrance of Honey). And one of the ways he grew into being friends with everyone was through his childhood admiration of/friendship with Nerdanel. I talked about this a bit in this post and really want to explore this in a fic at some point.

🤲 Would you please share a snippet of a wip? This one is extremely difficult because there are so many little snippets I'd like to put here since you're my fellow Balan/Finrod enthusiast and I love sharing my obsession, haha. So I'll indulge and allow myself two snippets - one snarky and one angsty (these are both from later installments, not the upcoming one).

------

1. The first is from when Belen visits Nargothrond about a year after Balan and Finrod depart Estolad:

“They mostly call you Dar Bëor now.”

Balan snorted. “Lord Vassal,” he translated in an aside to Finrod, then grinned at his son. “I scent your aunt’s humor in that.”

“Nay.” Belen looked chagrined and turned to fiddle with the parchment, avoiding his father's eye.

“Ah. I see.”

“He doesn’t mean anything by it,” Belen said quickly, then blanched at the obvious untruth. “Or rather, he does but…What I mean is his anger is only for the moment. It won’t last.”

“Your brother is as stubborn as I am, Bel. It will not pass in a hurry.” Then his tired smile turned contrarian and he leaned back in his chair. “Nay rather, tell him not to leave off. I’ll not scorn a name once given. Instead, bring my greetings to Baran Balanion, first lord of the House of Bëor.” He lifted his glass pointedly and sipped. “Sama’nd sá.”

------

2. And the second is your bit of weekend angst:

“Too bright are the eyes of the Sun, too scorching her heat.” His lips were nearly against Balan’s, dizzy with the the nearness of him, the touch of him. Almost the taste of him. “It would consume us, Anarinya.”

“And scorching too are the stars, are they not? They too were woven of such light. But should not Light treat with Light, Elenya, and find itself only brighter in the mingling?”

“Or bring a double fire, burning all that dared near it.”

“Take me then,” Balan said, “and if I burn, I burn.”

🎉 What leads you to consider a fic a success? I would like this answer to be something other than "if the comments restore my self-confidence once I hit the post-publishing conviction that it's all trash," but sadly that's usually what does it. But more generally, I think if I can go back and read it a few weeks after and have that surprise of actually enjoying it as a reader, that is a success.

😈 Has there been a point in a story where you did something just to be playfully mean to your readers? Ha! Oh absolutely the ending of A Heady Fragrance of Honey. That was deliberately mean and I enjoyed every moment of it - and every comment that vented about it. 😂

------

Thanks so much for the asks!

[unboundwanderers]

Negativity under the cut. Will try to be clear about my tone as possible in places I feel I have too to try and make sure I make my tone easier to interpret through text. Kept under the read more to keep negativity off of the dash.

I have not been feeling good about my writing recently. It is hard for me to want to keep coming back to Tumblr, because the anxieties that manifest during my long period of time here is creeping back in, and my natural instinct is to just abandon my blog and never look back, keeping myself contained on Discord for as long as I can until I decide that, maybe. Just maybe, things will work out.

I hate venting on the blog. It makes me feel like I am trying to seek out attention, when mostly I'm just screaming into a void. The ramblings of an insane man who is simply barking at a wall. This more really circles back to how hard it is to write OC's on Tumblr. It sometimes and very often times feels like I'm competing for attention. Nobody here has made me feel like that, of course. It's just the way things are, sometimes.

But recently, I feel like I've been really... Pushy? Over excited? I don't think it's right for me to feel put down for being passionate about plots- especially when it's my anxiety causing me to think this way, but I'm worried that I'm being too much. I'm not doing this literally, but I feel like I've been scratching at myself because I'm worrying over things that nobody's talking about. I feel like there are things people aren't telling me about my muses and the way I write them that could benefit my writing and my interpretation if I was just... told.

To reiterate, nobody here has made me feel like this- but to explain the origin of my recent anxiety, I recently tried to get back into finding partners for pairings through Discord. Loose ideas that I wanted to explore but didn't want to bother any established partners with, or at the very least, add more to their queues and drafts. I hit it off with a few partners right off the bat and posted some starters. Things were going pretty well for about a week before each of my partners either began to ghost me or drop me because they "weren't feeling like taking on new plots or ships, and we're planning on taking a break from writing", which is understandable!! However, my anxiety stemmed when I went to repost my own ad, only to see those partners drop more ads for plot heavy stuff and for new ships.

It created anxiety in me. Was it something I did? Was it something with my muses? Was it something I wrote? Was it a bad joke? Did I not use enough tone indicators? Stupid things, really. Nothing worth talking about, so I kept it all to myself. People just don't mesh, and that kind of stuff happens. Then the silence begins to get really loud, and I look at my writing and think to myself, "Is this really as good as I've been hyping myself up about?" And those thoughts mesh into, "are my partners really interested? Or are they faking it..?"

It's... creating stress. It's me building a mountain out of an anthill, but I've never been good at knowing when my excitement is off the rails or when I'm just... overthinking. I'd say this was just scars from previous years in the rpc reopening themselves, but something in the back of my mind won't silence itself because I just can't feel confident in my writing. I'm not writing this post to try and garner sympathy, I'm just examining myself, and trying to explain my own inactivity and selectiveness through openly writing and talking about it. I come home, have a hard time focusing on my drafts, and the anxiety proceeds to worsen that stigma in my mind.

In reality, it's: People are busy, their musings are scattered, their prioritizing their own motivation and responding to who they want to write with, which is nothing different from what I'm doing. However, the anxiety is speaking in a different language, showing different perspectives - false ones: It's you. It's always you, and it won't ever NOT be you.

I don't know why I'm writing this. Perhaps this is just a really long winded way of saying that I'm going to keep my activity focused to the people I really want to interact with, people who I consider close friends and people who I've been eager to write with since I first started talking to them. I'll be slower with new activity and reaching out to new mutuals. If this post made you want to unfollow, I genuinely do not blame you. Despite what I've said- this is not a cry for attention. It is just me unleashing bottled feelings that have been festering since early april.

If you made it this far. Thanks for entertaining my ramble. I hope you're having an amazing day and please don't think that this has anything to do with anyone else but myself. The anxiety is simply hitting hard.

[citrinesparkles]

I posted 1,369 times in 2022

55 posts created (4%)

1,314 posts reblogged (96%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@urjust-socute

@jason-redhood

@thebatmandaily

@newlayouteveryday

@teapartiesthroughtornadoes

I tagged 1,369 of my posts in 2022

#hey queuetie - 1,304 posts

#dc - 657 posts

#love tag - 420 posts

#graphics - 370 posts

#art - 320 posts

#marvel - 139 posts

#jason todd - 105 posts

#imagines - 83 posts

#gn reader - 81 posts

#recommendations - 76 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#'and - well. you had never failed to make him smile.' help me. help me bc that knocked me on my back. what an insanely beautiful line. god.

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

simple

jason todd x gender neutral reader. 613 words.

notes:

warnings: vague descriptions of messy, yucky feelings on reader's part, including vague feelings of inadequacy.

"are you alright?"

a simple question.

theoretically a simple answer.

as you turned the question over in your mind, preparing an answer (simple question, simple answer, it could be simple) you heard him step through the doorway he was lingering in.

the sound- as quiet as it was- shook you from your muddied train of thought.

it was him. it was jason.

jason knew better than anyone it wasn't always simple.

See the full post

396 notes - Posted August 28, 2022

#4

nighttime nerves

jason todd x gender neutral reader. 1,001 words. notes: 🥴 warnings: anxiety, associated irritability, trouble sleeping, brief mention of food.

it was four in the morning, and you were pretty sure the humming of the air conditioner was going to be the final straw for what remained of your composure.

you were just trying to sleep.

careful, measured breaths- in, held, and released- had helped to ease the tumbling feeling in your stomach, but now your focus had shifted from the rise and fall of your chest to the rattling of the vent in the wall.

bullshit.

it was bullshit, all of it. and you were tired. and you just wanted to go to sleep so you would have a fighting chance the next day, and instead you were fighting the urge to take the baseball bat from jason's side of the bed and smash the vent in on itself.

sure, it wouldn't make it any quieter, but it was starting to sound more and more cathartic with every passing moment.

See the full post

504 notes - Posted May 2, 2022

#3

you had me worried

jason todd x gender neutral reader. 906 words. notes: hi please don't call people if you're trying to keep one or both parties anonymous <3 but for the sake of this little story, please disregard that. just insert bat-tech for anonymity <3 also, this was requested by @definitelydivergent as part of my blogiversary celebration! thank you so much, honey- hope you enjoy :) warnings: anxiety, canon-typical terrorism and violence

"hey, perfect timing. i was just thinking about y-"

jason's agitated voice, distorted slightly by the phone, cut you off. "baby, baby- shh, stop talking. where are you? home?"

his words were surrounded by heavy breathing, crashes, and shouting, a cacophony unsettling enough to distract you from how rude 'stop talking' was. "yeah?"

"thank god," he muttered, before grunting in effort and raising his voice over a clattering noise in the background. "i need you to stay there, okay?"

"is everything okay?"

"no, everything's shit- robin! your six!- and i need you to stay put." he paused for a moment, and you could hear a slam in the background. "please."

See the full post

789 notes - Posted May 10, 2022

#2

six in the morning.

jason todd x gender neutral reader. 503 words. notes: requested by the lovely @jason-redhood for my blogiversary celebration how was may so long ago??? i hope you enjoy, lovely &lt;3 warnings: none i can think of!

"c'mon, bedtime."

he chuckled before speaking quietly. "what am i, five?'

"jason," you said firmly, moving around his chair to lean against the table, effectively blocking the lamp from shining on the papers in his hand. "it's six in the morning."

his brow twitched ever so slightly, subtly confirming your belief that he had lost track of time. he sighed, leaning back in his chair and dropping the papers unceremoniously beside you before looking up to meet your gaze. "okay."

"which is bedtime."

"then go to bed."

"i was in bed. i slept."

See the full post

1,026 notes - Posted July 14, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

kiss

jason todd x gender neutral reader. 294 words. notes: i'm very tired but this little idea wouldn't let me sleep. curse this man. warnings: none i can think of

his lips were on yours.

his lips were warm.

his lips were ever-so-slightly chapped, and just as you were realizing that, his palm found your jaw and you had a whole new set of sensations to take stock of.

similarly warm and weathered, his thumb rubbed your cheek softly and made you sigh into the kiss.

See the full post

1,058 notes - Posted April 15, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[tiredaf23]

Intro post, ig lmao.

WE ARE A MINOR!! GET THE FUCK OUT, NSFW BLOGS!!

Hey, My name is Atticus. I'm the host of the Anarchy system and use they/it.

I share this blog with a few other headmates, who are listed below and we all use our names as sign offs:

Jeff: he/knife

Jack: he/buzz/static

Moth: She/her

Sans: It/itself

Stripes: they/he (they prefered)

Ben D. : He/it/game/mask

Lucid: Any in no specific order. Also, please recommend neos for me to try! 🤗

Jacques: It/itself.

Kurt: He/hym (yes its spelled right.

A few other parts also come on the blog, but they'll probably tell you.

Color coded to help read. Typing quirks WILL be translated, don't worry!! We are against non-translated typing quirks!! This doesn't include punctuation or struggles to spell.

DNI:

Racist, Anti-Black, Antisemitic, Islamophobic, Xenophobic, Zionist Against BLM, Support all / blue lives matter. Are a Nazi / Support the Alt-Right.

Sexist or Misogynist.

Ableist

Endos. I won't even call your asses "systems".

Romanticize mental illnesses.

Anti Recovery Beliefs

Believe 'blackwashing', 'reverse racism', 'cisphobia' 'hetphobia' 'cishetphobia' etc are real things that exist.

LGBT+phobic (lesbophobic, homophobic, biphobic, panphobic, transphobic, aphobic, aspec exclusionist, etc)

Use slurs you can't reclaim.

M-Spec / "Good Faith" Identities / Labels (these never end well.) If you are, okay, fine, but don't bring it in our blog. If you are, it better be to educate.

Fujoshi/Fundashi, fetishize mlm and/or wlw relationships/pairings/etc.

Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminist or any branch of feminism that excludes trans women or claim that trans women are not women. / The feminism you are part of has a transphobic community or ideals. / Sex Worker Exclusionary Radical Feminist or any branch of feminism that excludes sex workers.

Against any sort of Non-Binary identity / claim to be 'gender critical' and/or 'nonbinary skeptic'.

Against xenogenders and/or neopronouns.

pro-ship/anti-anti.

Joke about or justify incest in any form, including families who aren't related by blood (step-siblings, adopted family, etc). Joke about or justify pedophilia in any form. Justify or participate in the sexualization of minors. Justify / romanticize abusive or unhealthy relationships.

MAP, 'pear' or 'minor attracted person' - a pedophile - basically.

transID & radqueer

Ship / kin / headcanon real people.

Support NFTS / Crypto / AI "art"

Anti therian/otherkin/FICTIONkin. We have to specify that fictionkins are okay.

SH and ED blogs. Nothing wrong with vents or spreading awareness, we're just not comfortable with it and will probably block you.

BYI!!!:

We use slurs we can reclaim. This includes the T-slur and f-slur. We don't over use them, either. We're not bad people, just trying to reclaim what we can and use it as a not slur.

We believe that intersex people who identify with a trans label (even ones uder an umbrella) can reclaim the t-slur.

We're not nice. We're blunt, cautious, and often snap if you overstep boundaries.

We are a BPD-er, are crippled, autistic, a witch, and pagan. Oooh- scary!! Dont like it? Whomp-whomp.

We believe that people who can still walk but struggle are crippled. People are more crippled than us, yeah, but I have to focus on only my leg to not collapse, so yeah.

We don't like vehicles and want to help the environment, but still use one because 🌟crippled without an aid🌟. So Taylor stans, sorry, but we shit on her big time.

We're white bodily, but Inner world face claims will be of THEM. None of us claim to know the struggles of POCs first hand, nor do we claim to be one. If one of our names are culture specific, do tell us!! We will find a new name ASAP!

Extra Christians, be careful interacting. You're fine, just don't talk about it on out page, please.

We also don't support Aspenfrost, vizzipop or any of her work, DSMP, or any other problematic media. Though we have alters of these media, we do not support it.

I think that's it??? Lemme know if you wanna somethings. Tell us of any other genocides in the world and who the victim is. Education is key to help.

Also let us know if we missed any tags, like trigger warnings. We also tag everything with #anti endo, because they can fuck off.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

i have a confession. i mostly just want to vent, since i'm well aware nobody can fix this.

i am incapable of doing basic life skills like cooking, doing chores, and the like, even though i'm afab. this is not because of an unwillingness to learn. i actually desperately want to be able to do them. but i can't. the reasons being:

1. from childhood, i was always micromanaged by my mom. i was deemed incapable of doing anything by myself, and she would take control of everything

2. when i got to an age i should be able to do them, she tried to teach me. but i wasn't able to do it at first try. i failed. in retrospect, it was probably normal that i couldn't do it at first try. but she took it as a sign i was slacking, i was taking advantage of her, i was feigning incompetence so she would have to do it for me and i would be free from chores. i felt hurt by the accusation but didn't have the guts to talk back. she kept doing the chores for me and occassionally told me to do them. however, the very first try and its accusation made me anxious, and thus made me fail again no matter how many times she showed me how to do stuff. her suspicion about me weaponizing my incompetence grew and she got angry. i end up associating chores with yelling, and thus become unable to even think of it without feelig anxious and shame

3. now i'm in uni. i live in a dorm, because mom said she was tired of having to take care of her kids and want to 'stop caring so much and let her kids become spoiled by always making our lives easier' (even though i've always hated her micromanaging — it just gave me serious anxiety over not being perfect, because she would see it as a sign i wasn't competent enough and strip another right and independence from me). but i'm already at an age where not being able to do basic stuff is seen as a moral failing, a proof that i was lazy, spoiled, etc. i would love to learn stuff because i know google exist. but the dormitory is always swarmed by other people. i already have anxiety over the tasks itself, so the presence of other people makes it harder for me to actually learn the basics knowing someone could see. i also have severe social anxiety which definitely worsens things.

i'm really embarrassed about my situation. i just saw a post about someone not being able to cook an egg and see people commenting about how lazy, how spoiled, how entitled, how they just don't have the desire to learn, and like. even if they're not talking about me, i felt another wave of shame. but i don't even know how to learn them? i'm already too old and i don't know if there's someone out there willing to teach basic skills to someone my age without mocking me or judging me?

people saying "how are you gonna survive when your family is gone" just hurt me more, because i'm well aware? i have been trying to leave this house, but my lack of basic life skills have prevented me from successfully leaving. i would actually love to be rid of my family, but ironically i'm also incapable of staying alive without them. just last semester i was such a wreck to the point i didn't even have the energy to shower for weeks (this one skill i can actually do, but my mental state got bad enough that i also neglect it along with other stuff). i don't know what to do. leaving is impossible, staying at home sucks, staying at the dorms means my survival is at stake, i just don't know anymore

Hi anon,

I'm sorry about what you've been through.

It's not that you can't or are incapable of doing basic life skills - you can, but there are several factors that make it difficult for you. With some extra elbow grease, you can do these things.

I'm going to rip from this: If you’re afraid of failing, then you’ll be afraid of trying. Fear of failing means you won’t enjoy what you’re doing. It also means you’ll worry so much about failing that you won’t be able to concentrate fully on what you’re doing, and so you will probably make a mistake or fail completely. The best way to learn how to do something is to just do it. The way to succeed is to practice, practice, practice and to learn from your mistakes. Mistakes and failure are not awful, they are a normal part of learning. Human beings fail and make mistakes all the time. If you make a mistake, it doesn’t make you worthless—it proves that you are a normal human being.

You may want to consider off campus student housing if that's a possibility. I'm living in off campus student housing and it's cheaper than on campus housing, plus it's a 2 bedroom 2 bathroom with my partner. I have neighbors, but I don't have to share my space like I would in a dorm.

It might be helpful to get a therapist as well. I don't know what your university offers but mine has a counseling center covered by tuition, so it's possible that yours has something similar. A therapist could definitely help you work through the anxieties surrounding completing these tasks, as well as potentially working on reframing self-talk to be more encouraging and affirming. A therapist can also help you work on overcoming or managing social anxiety in various ways. Therapy is a great tool for approaching trauma responses in general.

The thing is that really anyone could teach you how to do a basic life skill, but you may still be stopped up by anxiety and trauma. So it's important that those obstacles are cleared before you can proceed.

As for social anxiety, I found that this resource was helpful and informative in describing not only what it can look like, but ways to cope.

You got this.

I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[coloradorevolvingstage]

Failed Date

Tried and failed. I thought being ENM was common, but I guess under a different name, dating multiple people is still taboo. So, I'm not giving up, I'm just coming to the realization that I'm not cut out for it. I'm most likely a monogamous ENM person, which is a contradiction in and of itself. Then when she leaves, I'll just be a monogamous person again. It's just a lot of bullshit. I put up with a lot from my side of the relationship and maybe it's time I just start standing up for myself and doing what I want to do. She doesn't like the smell of weed, so I gave it up for the week because I haven't been laid in almost six months. Yeah, I don't think ENM is for me. When this relationship ends, that'll be it for me for ENM, and then I'll just go back to being monogamous individual again. There are just times when I don't feel like I can be my true self, and that's why I'm back on tumblr. To vent and talk it out so I don't make an ass of myself. Also, I know reddit would be a great place to vent as well, but she is on reddit, and I don't post there because I feel like I can't be myself on there. That seems to be the common thread in my life. Trying to be something else I'm clearly not. It makes me seriously just moving back in with my mom and just try to figure out the next move without worrying about a job or a career that I've never really fit into, but it's what my resume has on it. Here's hoping I can get a new job/contract soon so I can get back to smoking. If I'm not having sex as often as I want, then at least I should be able to smoke weed without it being an issue. I'm going to go listen to some music and just chill in a video game. I just don't want to think about this bullshit anymore.