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apomaro-mellow · 2 months

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S1E09: Open Wide

S1E08

Eddie hacked up a cough so hard it was like he was trying to win a daytime television award. He was laid out in bed, covers pulled up to his chin and balled up tissues all over the place. Steve walked into his room, wearing a sexy nurse’s outfit and a stethoscope.

“Is my patient ready for his sponge bath?”

“Lord have mercy”, Eddie warbled.

“What?” The mirage of Steve had turned into Dustin, looking confused.

“Where’s my sexy nurse?”, Eddie asked, delirious.

“Uhh, pretty sure it’s just been you and your uncle. I just came by to see if you were really too sick to play today and yeah. Anyway, I’m taking this”, Dustin said as he swiped a comic off the dresser and left.

“....I can’t believe I got robbed by a talking gerbil…”

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“Remind me again why I’m taking Will to his dentist appointment?”, Steve asked.

“Because I have a broken leg”, Jonathan pointed to it, currently in a cast as it laid propped on pillows on his couch.

“I kinda meant like, me, specifically.”

“Because you lost another bet”, Jonathan reminded him, then he cast a look down the hall where Will’s room was and lowered his voice. “I gotta warn you though, Will’s kind of…afraid of the dentist.”

“Still? Isn’t he too old for that?”

“What can I say? He just is. So be like, I don’t know, gentle with him”, Jonathan urged.

“Yeah, yeah”, Steve waved it off dismissively just as Will came out of his room, looking just the same as usual.

Steve didn’t know what Jonathan was worried about then. But it became more apparent when they actually got to the waiting room and Steve checked Will in. The younger boy got this thousand yard stare and seemed to get paler with time. Then Will’s name was called and he bolted from his seat and out the door.

“Goddammit”, Steve sighed, following after.

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Jonathan was lying on the couch, reading the TV Guide while flipping through the channels. Then he heard the door open and checked his watch. Will and his mom shouldn’t be back just yet.

“Have no fear, for we are here!”, Dustin announced himself and El.

“Uh hi”, Jonathan waved limply. “Why?”

“Okay so, your mom’s abandoned you.”

“Gone to work”, Jonathan amended.

“And Will has also forsaken you.”

“Dentist appointment.”

“So me and El will be your nursemaids until one of them gets back”, Dustin beamed.

“And again, I ask why?”

“Is it not enough to want to care for our friend’s big brother?”

Jonathan looked skeptical. Dustin was known for having ulterior motives. It was only El’s presence that kept him from being completely cynical. And he said so.

“Dustin probably wants a favor but I know you El, are here for purely innocent intentions.”

El smiled wide, showing all her teeth. “Actually…”

“Oh god no”, Jonathan’s head fell back against the couch.

“Don’t worry about what we want!”, Dustin rushed to say. “Just sit back, relax, and treat us as the best butlers you’ve ever had.”

“Sure, what could go wrong?”, Jonathan sighed, resigning himself.

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“Will! You. Have. To. Go!”, Steve yelled, each word punctuated with him attempting to pull Will into the operating room.

Who knew this kid had the grip strength of an Olympic athlete? Will clung to the door, uncaring that Dr. Lee was waiting for them inside, watching it all play out.

“It’s perfectly normal to be nervous at the dentist”, she said. “But it’s just your average check up, Will. One that we’ve done before.”

Will didn’t say a word, only shook his head fearfully. With a groan, Steve let go, hands going to his hips. “Kid, you’re way too old for this. You’re acting like they torture you in here. She’s just gonna touch your teeth a little and you get a lollipop at the end. Which actually sounds counterintuitive now that I say it out loud.”

“If it’s so easy, why don’t you do it?”, Will challenged.

“That’s a good idea”, Dr. Lee smiled brightly. “Come take a seat.”

Steve raised a brow. He hadn’t been expecting to have his teeth looked at today. But then he saw just how terrified Will looked and gave a heavy sigh and stepped towards the chair. Will was the least annoying of his sister’s friends. He could do this for him. And he had perfect teeth. What could go wrong?

“Alright doc, do your worst.”

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Dustin fluffed the pillow at Jonathan’s back, placed the serving tray on his lap and took the dome off, revealing three triple decker sandwiches with the works. Jonathan’s eyes got wide.

“Um, when I said you could make lunch, I didn’t think you’d give me the Scooby Doo treatment.”

“I know what they do in the back of the Mystery Machine”, Dustin said knowingly. “And I know what you and Steve get up to in the back of his car.”

Jonathan’s head whipped so hard it could’ve fallen off. “Are you-”

“Blackmailing you. Nah, I’m saving that for Steve.”

El came in, milkshake in hand and placed it on a coaster on the coffee table. “It’s chocolate. Everyone’s favorite.”

“Thanks”, Jonathan said, although he was afraid to see the state of the kitchen after this.

“Anything else we can do for you?”, she asked.

“Back rub, run your bath, do a little run and get some”, Dustin mimed smoking, “for you?”

“Nope! No, none of that.” His days would be numbered if Jim found out he let his daughter go out on a pot run.

“You know what I think he needs?”, Dustin asked rhetorically. “A leg massage. It’s gotta be killing you in that cast.”

Without waiting for Jonathan to answer, Dustin went right for it. El did too, both too eager and Jonathan let out a yelp as they pushed too hard, the sandwiches flying and his other leg kicking up the milkshake. In the wake of the mess, lettuce, cheese, and ham in his hair, Jonathan glared at Dustin.

“I figured out what you can do for me.”

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Steve took a deep breath as he lied back and stared at the ceiling. It had been about a year since his last check up, so technically he was due. And he knew how it’d go. The way it usually did like with his old dentist, Dr. Brown. Brown had been an old man but with sure hands. He was the silent type. Kept quiet throughout most of it until it was time to tell Steve to watch out for his molars but good job on the regular flossing.

Dr. Lee was not Dr. Brown.

She wasn’t as old for one. She looked no older than forty, and that was pushing it. Her hair fell in beautiful waves and was only pinned back slightly by her temples. Steve wanted to ask if she should pull more of her hair back but her gloved hands were already in his mouth.

“Mmm”, she hummed softly. “This is a pretty nice set you’ve got here. I’m almost jealous.”

“Uh-huh”, was all Steve could say with his jaw wide.

“Let’s get you a little more open”, she urged, voice going a little lower

Steve did so, ignoring the odd tingle in him right now. But then Dr. Lee leaned in even more and her fingers went deeper.

“There’s a good boy.”

What the hell?

It was then that Steve noticed Will had suddenly appeared by his side and it was only Dr. Lee’s hold on his jaw that kept him from jolting in place. Will was staring at his face like he was seeing right through him. Steve shifted a little, trying to fix himself in his pants but it was already too late.

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“Alright. All cleaned up”, Dustin announced.

“Pretty sure there’s still mayo in my cast”, Jonathan deadpanned.

“Don’t be a spoiled patient”, Dustin reprimanded.

Jonathan looked around, suddenly realizing that El was nowhere to be found after saying she was going to get the milkshake out of her hair.

“Hey uh, where’s El?”

“Jonathan, I got these for you!”, Ell said happily, coming from his room, which already filled him with a sense of dread.

It all happened in slow motion as she came to the couch, stack of magazines in hand, slowly revealing the cover of one with a woman in a bikini. Dustin’s lips parted in a wide grin and Jonathan’s face went into his hands.

“I do not understand why you like to look at women’s swimsuits. Does it help with your photography?”, El asked as she held the stack out to him.

“Well now I have to blackmail you”, Dustin grinned.

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Steve and Will got back in the car, both of them silent, both with lollipops in hand.

“I’m going to take you to Benny’s. I’m going to let you get whatever you want, you can even undo all that dental work with a triple decker sundae. Just don’t ever speak of what happened in there again.”

“Not even the-”

“Nope!”

“I can’t even tell-”

“Do you want the sundae or not?!”

“....Deal.”

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Jonathan perked up as he heard the front door opening. It had been hours.

“There you guys are, what happened?”, he asked when Will and Steve came in.

“Nothing!”, both of them said.

Will avoided more questions by going to the kitchen but just got more confused when he saw the mess left there. “What happened in here?”

“Also nothing!”, Jonathan said quickly.

Part 10

#apo writes #stranger things #the party #jonathan byers #steve harrington

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riisume · 1 day

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Redesigned my Sonic sona and made a new Sonic oc to go with him. I'm not very good at drawing Mobians;;;

Chance is a gerbil who previously worked for Dr. Robotnik... Only to begin working for Silas, a mob boss snow leopard, once he ran away for Robotnik. He works for Silas in exchange for protection (and a roof over his head.)

Chance isn't very emotional, seldom smiling like his current boss or showing much emotion through his expressions or tone of voice. Though, his mannerisms and movements are pretty eccentric to make up for it.

Silas is very dutiful, cunning, and serious, normally keeping his composure in most situations. Silas is pretty hard to read and he's very frightening when angry... But he seems to have a soft spot for Chance despite his cold nature.

MINORS DNI

#my art #my ocs #chance the gerbil #silas the snow leopard #I guess I'm posting them here on the off chance I want to draw tk art of them later #the interest is there #sonic ocs #sonic sona #sonic original characters #sonic fan character #furry ocs #sonic furry oc

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prokopetz · 2 years

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hey! I'm getting back into Tumblr and I only remember your Tumbls and one other so I'm interested to hear who you would suggest following for fun content. Nerdy, funny, any one you like seeing on your dashboard!

Sure thing. I actually don’t follow that many blogs on Tumblr – there’s usually fewer than a hundred active entries on my “Following” list at any given time – and a lot of them are people who wouldn’t appreciate the extra attention, but I have a few I can plug.

Tabletop RPG creators

There are surprisingly few RPG creators on Tumblr, at least openly – though I'm sure there are many more who prefer to keep their Tumblr identities separate from their work! Those whom I follow include:

@jennamoran – Dr. Moran likely needs little introduction for most who follow this blog; creator of Nobilis, Glitch, and Chuubo’s Marvelous Wish-Granting Engine.

@jdragsky – Founder of Possum Creek Games, and creator of Sleepaway, Wanderhome, and the forthcoming Yazeba’s Bed and Breakfast.

@nekoewen – Creator of a truly vast number of smaller games, most notably the West End Games Ghostbusters retroclone Spooktacular, and also 100% to blame for my obsession with d66 tables.

@open-sketchbook – Author of many of my favourite games, including Double or Nothing, Unbelievable Macho Bullshit, and their current magnum opus, Flying Circus.

@orbitaldropkick – Putting them under tabletop RPGs may be burying the lede, as they’re also the author of Kill Six Billion Demons, but we know what we’re here for. Lead designer of Lancer.

Artists

These are mostly (but not exclusively) folks I’ve worked with in the past on my own tabletop RPG projects; many currently accept commissions if you’ve got a project of your own the works:

@artbyprophet – Contributing artist for Costume Fairy Adventures.

@artkaninchenbau – Contributor to Cerebos: The Crystal City and cover artist for Gaming with Godot.

@catbatart – A frequent contributor to various tabletop RPGs, including a forthcoming project under my own banner that I’m not ready to discuss just yet.

@dizzimitzi – Contributing artist for Costume Fairy Adventures.

@fungii – Contributing artist for Costume Fairy Adventures.

@mimimariet – Contributing artist for Costume Fairy Adventures.

@mooncalfe-art – If you’re into older tabletop RPGs, you may know her as one of the original artists for Exalted; otherwise, her graphic novels like Shadoweyes and Wet Moon are probably more familiar.

@pencilbrony – Cover artist and graphic designer for the forthcoming Space Gerbils [working title].

@theshitpostcalligrapher – Their main thing on Tumblr is (as the name suggests) calligraphic renderings of trending shitposts, though their full repertoire is much broader. Cover artist for To Serve.

@tredlocity – Creator of the webcomic Val and Isaac and occasional tabletop RPG artist, though I haven’t worked with them personally.

Video Games

Some video game creator blogs, some blogs about video games:

@hollowtones – A streamer who’s participated in several popular projects, including Half-Life VR but the AI Is Self-Aware, though on Tumblr she’s probably better known for a certain post about frogs.

@orteil42 – Creator of Cookie Clicker. If you’re familiar with that game’s sense of humour, you know what to expect here.

@ponett – Creator of the forthcoming Super Lesbian Animal RPG.

@snapscube – A voice actor best known for “abridged” versions of popular video game cutscenes. You know the “Dr. Eggman pissing on the moon” meme? That’s from their podcast.

@suppermariobroth – Oddball and often deeply obscure trivia about Super Mario games, as well as related franchises.

Other

@seatsafetyswitch – Frequently surrealist microfiction, with a strange preoccupation with shitty old cars.

#tumblr #blogging #social media #violence metion #death mention #swearing

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hannahhook7744 · 5 months

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You crazy-assed cosmonaut!;

Summary: Hades gets in a fist fight with a thirteen year old in the parking lot of Ursula’s Fish and Chips. Trigger warnings: violence, child-adult fighting, swearing, theft, implied food insecurity, etc. Gift for @igetthedisneybox . I will post this on ao3 later.

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Oc Guide:

Zee Snoops is Madam Medusa's daughter.

Nate Stiltskin is Rumplestiltskin's son.

Hannah Hook is Captain Hook's daughter.

Kailani ‘Clever’ Athanasiou, is the daughter of Ursula and Dr. Facilier.

Tiger Khan is Shere Khan's adopted human daughter.

D.E Anonymous's parentage is unknown.

Tommy Wonderful is Misty the wonderful witch's daughter.

--------------------------------------------------------

In hindsight, fist fighting the dad of like… four of her friends…was not the smartest move thirteen year old Diamond Zoë 'Zee' Snoops had made.

Especially not when the man in question was a god…

But, the brunette refused to regret it or back out now.

Even if fist fighting Hades in the parking lot of Ursula’s fish and Chips over one seaweed smoothie, two slightly used candies, and one curdled pudding was probably gonna be the last thing she ever did.

Hopefully Hannah wouldn’t revive her just to kill her again when she found out about this if she did end up dying.

--------------------------------------------------------

Kailani grimaced, watching in horror from inside as Zee got Hades in a chokehold. Glancing over hesitantly at Tiger, D.E, and Tommy. “Should we… should we stop ‘em?”

Little eight year old Tommy was peeking through her hands, too scared to watch without the barrier of her hands in the way. Wiggling on her stool so much that her gerbil (who’s name the merperson couldn’t quite remember) nearly fell off her shoulder.

D.E (who’s age and face they still didn’t know) sat up in the rafters of the restaurant, peeking out the hole in the roof that Kailani’s mother still refused to get fixed as she sipped on her third anchovy smoothie of the hour.

Neither of them seemed to hear her.

But Tiger, who was on what had to be her third basket of fried shrimp shells, did hear her. “Let them fight. I wanna see who wins.”

Kailani sighed, draping a hand towel over her shoulder and crossing her arms. “You know Hannah's gonna kill them both, right?”

Tiger waved her off, not looking bothered in the slightest. “No she won't. Just relax and enjoy the show. This is WAAAAY better than what Boreadon has on Tv!”

Nate snorted from under the counter, causing Kailani to jump back in fright. “You got that right. If I have to sit through ONE more episode of Toddlers without Tiaras, I’m going to steal Beast’s first born child—”

“WHEN THE FUCK DID YOU GET THERE?! HOW THE FUCK—ARE YOU EATING THE CANDY STASH?!”

The blonde didn’t even blink before answering with a non apologetic “No.” As if he wasn’t surrounded by candy wrappers; the lying rat bastard.

The teal haired girl didn’t hesitate and grabbed the broom from the corner before Nate could fully escape from the small space he’d lodged himself in. Quickly swatting at him with it.

“Ow! Ow! Clever, come on dearie—OW!”

“Don’t you dearie me, you blonde worm!”

“Worm?! EXCUSE YOU, I AM ONE OF THE MOST PO—”

“Annoying moochs of the isle!”

“I AM NOT A MOOC—OUCH!”

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Zee bit Hades’ hand, hard when he tried to pull her off his back. Causing him to stumble and yowl with pain.

“Listen little girl, I am NOT—” He flung her off of him. “In the mood for these games—”

She lunged at him. “Give me back my candy and my soda!”

“I CAN’T! I ALREADY ATE THEM!” He tried (and failed to doge), growling in irritation as the teen smacked him. “WILL YOU STOP IT?!”

The brunette snarled at him. “NO!”

"HADES—"

"DAD—"

"FATHER—"

"TÁTA—"

"ZEE—"

"—WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!"

Hades and Zee both froze, slowly turning to see one very angry Persephone, one exasperated Hannah Hook, and all of Hades very shocked children staring at them.

Persephone had her hands on her hips.

And Hannah?

Well, Hannah just gave Zee a look that told her that she was going to be on toilet duty for a long, long time if she didn't like her explanation...

So, the two of them did the only thing either of them could think of—quickly pointing at one another.

"It was him—"

"It was her—"

"—What no it wasn't!"

#descendants #disney descendants #melissa de la cruz #wicked world #disney #descendants au #disney descendants au #the marvelous misadventures of hannah hook and co #the marvelous misadventures of hannah hook #descendants original characters #fanfiction #crack treated seriously #etc

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flickys-courage-club · 8 months

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[CW⚠️ WEIRDCORE/DREAMCORE]

Courage The Cowardly Dog characters if they were in Weirdcore/Dreamcore AU.

This AU has their designs made morbid based on a type(s) of aesthetic(s)

Courage is a dog puppet with stitch marks all over his face and body. He can't talk since his mouth is stitched shut, he has buttons sewn into his eyes which are bleeding out of them. His design is based on plushies with button eyes and marionette puppets

Muriel and Eustace are faceless

Katz has spider features such as having six eyes and spider legs on his back. His design is based on cats, spiders and horror aesthetic

Le Quack is a duck accordion toy that plays his background music, based on those monkey cymbal toys

Cajun Fox's appearance is of an actual fox

Bunny and Kitty are both plushies made of cotton and wool. Kitty's mouse toy is a living mouse and appears on her shoulder

Banana Suit Dealer is faceless

Ma Bagge's face isn't shown but it only shows her glasses

Fusilli is a ventriloquist dummy with four crocodile eyes

Black Puddle Queen has a more monstrous siren appearance along with her outfit and hair covered in coral, shells and pearls. Design based on ocean academia

Clutching Foot's faces have hundreds of eyes

Shirley has a crystal ball head

Computer is a computer head

Weremole is more werewolf looking

Dr Zalost has rat features and Rat is a reanimated ragdoll plush

Benton Tarentella is a camera head

Errol Van Volkheim is a picture head

Courage's parents/Henry and Teresa are ragdolls

Mad Dog has chains around his arms. His design is based on hatecore aesthetic

Cruel Veterinarian's design is based on digital horror aesthetic

Freaky Fred's pupils are dilated and has a large unsettling grin. His design is based on analog horror and Sweeney Todd

Banana Suit Dealer is a faceless banana

Charlie's design is based on foodie aesthetic

General and Lieutenant are both faceless

King Ramses's design is based on horror and analog horror aesthetics with his slab attached to his chest and has scarecrow like features

Cat Thieves/Jim and Paul are conjoined twins

Schwick has a human body with beetle features

Di Lung has features of the Chinese lion

The Empress's design has features of the Chinese dragon

Goose God is a lightning bolt head

Storm Goddess is a cloud head

Hunchback's only facial feature is his eye

Bigfoot's face has hundreds of eyes

Newsman is microphone head

Duck Brothers are all conjoined together

Dorothy Bagge is faceless

Stitch Sisters are ragdoll puppets

Space Chicken's design is based on spacecore

Dr Gerbil has a human torso with rodent features

Dr Vindaloo's design is based on analog horror aesthetic

The Perfectionist Teacher's face is blurred

King of Flan is a flan head

Velvet Vic is a record player head

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alphazed · 9 months

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Don't know if there are any distracible listeners on here but enjoy this Evil league of Evil fanart-

Dr. Beevil | ft. Conniving Gerbil

#distractible #distractble fanart #markiplier #muyskerm #bob muyskens #lordminion777 #this was very late at night #had school tmrw lmao #anyway

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eminsunnytoons123 · 6 months

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Disclaimer: this will always get updated And when I reblog it, it Means that it Got updated again.

The muppets Show: Life in the boarding home

Characters list:

The muppets:

The muppets (they appear in almost EVERY EPISODE, but not every episode is about them, they just help the Main supporting muppets that have most attention in each episodes) - Kermit, fozzie, miss piggy gonzo, Rizzo, Pepe, rowlf, yolanda, scooter

Main supporting muppets (they appear a Lot just like the Main ones And they are VERY important to the series And episodes, And im adding more) - sam eagle, Skeeter, dr teeth, Janice, Lips, Floyd, animal, Zoot, Vicki, Clifford, digit, Waldo C Graphic, bean Bunny, Lindbergh, Leon lizard, Flash, solid foam drummer (aka Kimberly), beard, zondra, Ubu, chip, Constantine, swedish chef, Wayne And Wanda, Mildred huxetetter, miss mousey, afghan hound, baskerville hound, Camilla chicken, Walter, Crazy Harry, Lew Zealand, uncle deadly, Bobo bear, dr Phil van neuter, waldorf And statler, beauregard, link hogthrob, dr Julius strangepork, Marvin suggs, the newsman, Robin the frog, sweetums, thog, timmy Monster, the mutations, Annie sue, Denise pig, 80s robot, behemoth, big mean Carl, doglion, Fletcher Bird, Betsy Bird, George the janitor, foo-foo, gaffer the pirate Cat, Johnny fiama, Sal minella, mahna mahna, the snowths, Mr poodlepants, Seymour, spamela Hamderson, mulch, Bubba the rat, gorgon heap,

Reccuring/minor/additional characters (they sometimes or rarely appear in some episodes, but they even dont live with The muppets in the boarding home) - Hilda, Gladys, trumpet girl (Dolores), cliffy hatzis, cliffster Hatzis, Nigel, Mary Louise, selena the brunette haired whatnot, Tammy the red haired whatnot, Isabella the dirty-blonde haired whatnot, violette the brunette haired whatnot, merice the blue whatnot, Lauren the light Purple whatnot, flower eating Monster, Katherine Seahorsse Atlantic, Clara Hatzis, green muck Monster, angelco And devilzo, Angelica And demonica, kermgel And devmit, Jeremy the light blue whatnot, Mikey the orange whatnot,

Guest characters (these are the characters that appear in each episodes And sometimes have attention on them, or theyre from other muppets media And appear only a little bit) - wocka agent bear, Cosmo bopper, ghost of Christmas past, ghost of Christmas present, And ghost of Christmas future, green muck Monster,

Main supporting whatnot Show gang characters (and they appear in each episode to help the muppets with some problems, And yes theyre important to the story too, And im still editing this) - dermot the dog, miss tiggy, Ozzy woodchuck, Gustavo the King ladybug, Pierce the chinchilla, paisley the persian Cat, bonzo the amazing Monkey, Sid the British bulldog, dr tounge, ibeeria, Sgt Easton Oliver, yakim, vegetable, Mateo, auncle heavenly, ceco the andean bear, Leo the axolotl, raiden the semi radio person, Max Gerbils, una, Frederick the toucan, Jagger the Fox, Iggy D digital, dr quill Owens, zuri the chinchilla, snooper, Victor, kameron Gibson, Tristan Nelson Koala, crazed Gael, Maxwell Armstrong, Sammy the dog, Aleksandr the dog, tiana the fairy, dr Aristotle un wonders, kiyoshi, Napoleon Thibault, tarrasque, weather man, bi-bi, Sneeker, Remington the hippo, miss Batty, carina flamingo, italian culinarian, Mr. Parrotyno, Willa, Maverick the yeti, Clark the computer designer, Bartha the Ragdoll Cat, christoper the Ragdoll Cat, sea ocean witch man, O' Theodore Purple, the telephaty Brothers, 60's telephone, Miroslav Agovich, the trolls (bluan, huang And pinkery), yuna flowerwoman, chirping lovebird, ignorant Alfred, rude Oscar, naive lester, Cody the chihuahua, Garrett the pug, micah the Pitbull, Kathy And Kevin, Fred the janitor, adolpha the jungle parrot,

Main supporting teppums characters (the same like whatnot Show gang, they always help the muppets in any problems or trouble, And im still editing this) - timrek the sheep, madame camela, Evan the Elephant, Hector the brilliant, quade the fennec Fox, litvik the King cobra, arlo, dr linnaeus un shingems, Shane the american bison, Travis, Zane, lavi the King lion, stephany, dr Lips, Sgt Gideon Quinn, wilds Benner, Nicolas, Werner, Elias the Alligator, Abram the semi laptop Guy, Cassie, George E flyer, Liam the miniature horse, berengar the gecko, ben the otter, belladonna, Gunner the kapre, Arthur the game designer, tiana, madame gerbilsy, insane Axel, Asher the lamb, madame Li-Li, journalist man, gem the genie, tough Draco, glemsom Sebastian, monsieur gerbilso, Lionel the King lion II, Alfred And Chester, Diana the mermaid, Victoria the fennec Fox, sindy the verdin Bird, Raphael abadie, Federico agosti, rodan the Diamond Giant, Master Vincent, french has slinger, Daniil the dall sheep, Henrietta sunflowera

Main supporting parodies show characters - coming soon.... (Theyre not created yet, but soon will)

Main villains/antagonists - kermoot the frog, foozie bear, miss poogy, roowlf the dog, Bonzor the fantastic, paloma the flying shrimp, cici the mouse, dr dentist, janooce, flora, zotts, Lipst, animool, Camillo the rooster, soom the hawk, aunt goatella (she is a Nice Lady :3), Boryslav the frog, Tanya the red-brown haired whatnot, dr Vanessa van michigen, beba the Polar bear (she is a Nice Lady too), Jennifer Ferguson, schi-schi the red panda, Scarlett the black-haired whatnot, boombox catfish "Benjamin", Ruby the semi computery girl, Darren, Petunia parrot, Martha the Chameleon, Beeny the digital bee, pinks the news reporter Bird, dr Barbara, geekera, Mad Blake, Andrea zingler, Xavier, Ray the bigfoot, ash the Graphic designer, booper, British cooker, Wendy, Edward the antarctic fox, Thomas and Tristan, arabella And Frances, stormer, busher, solid cotton guitarist "sarah", yacoub the mouse, maria Santana, Beepera, Sebastian the Rhino, elids the garden witch troll, Rosalie the frog, miss persian Lady, reporter man, Hannah And Anna pig, miss mi-mi, Henry the mouse, maddison pig, Gabrielle Pig, golem rose witch, hadria MacAfee, fantastic Day green witch, Crystal snowe the snowy owl, galatea the janitor, the telekinesis Sisters, miss Theodora Huang, forgetfull Mirabella, mean penny, arrogant Mahira, 70s computer, Gavin frog, caleb frog, glothcher the frog, Giant rude Alexandro And Miranda gonzales

Muppets Monsters quintet (theyre the antagonists too, but they dont appear a lot) - ker-monster, ghoulfriend, wocka wocka bear, noseferatu and muck monster

And this is for all my besties/Sisters And brothers/pen pals who really love my Work, And that love me just the way I am And that always make me feel loved, And i would never let any of the besties And auntie that i lost make me feel more anxious And stressed out for what I fucking did to my blue haired auntie. And i will always care And love my besties/Sisters And brothers/pen pals no matter what. 💗

@splashy900 @kxllboii @cheezekennith @aquamarine-dream-queen @dayzsaclark @oscarandgrinchfan @moshywoosh @ilovescaredysquirrel2 @nuggetaubrey @sharkyy599 @nightkit92 @familyoffood @mysafespaceblog13 @thelazzyblogzz @sugar-miss1 @shrimpathizer @shypeachrunaway @iggyguyy @sophia-does-skits @typical-sophie @peaceforpeople @ben5569 @xxkurosakutisaxx @xxkurosakutisaxxaltofshitaccount @ducktoonz903707 @muppet-fan-real @artismeyou-12 @blackstar044 @acen402 @walt-diego-rodriguez @goatsarecool1 @nia1sworld @rumplestiltsbear @s4gefr0g @beeware-of-lulu @leafith

#the muppets #the muppets show: life in the boarding home #TMS: LITBH characters list #TMS: LITBH wiki on tumblr #the moopets #the whatnot show #the teppums show #the parodies show #emi rambles #the parodies cousin show

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thebottleopener · 11 months

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#devastated i couldn't fit hubba bubba bubble bath #lol #tom cardy #beautiful mind #brian david gilbert #bdg #this is the only place i can be openly obsessed with this song #help me

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vanoincidence · 9 months

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Bones of Payment || Van & Jade

TIMING: end of november. LOCATION: at van's old elementary school. PARTIES: @highoctanegem & @vanoincidence SUMMARY: van needs bones! jade can help her get them! CONTENT: none~

Van wasn’t sure what she needed to dig up a grave, but she knew she needed an accomplice. When Jade had arrived after delivering a few pizzas and the end of both their shifts was drawing near, Van considered her options. She didn’t want to disturb anybody’s grave, not really, but she knew where her third grade class gerbil was buried, and if Regan wanted bones, then she would get bones. Maybe she could have outsourced them, but where would she even get them? She’d seen a Tik Tok about bones and how they were usually inhumanely dispensed across the United States. Van didn’t want to contribute to that economy.

So she waited and watched Jade carefully, only speaking once the other looked like she was getting ready to leave through the back door. “I need bones. Will you help me dig up my third grade class pet so I can get bones?” Van couldn’t remember if she had told Jade what the bones were for, but she was almost positive she had. “It’s for Dr. Kavanagh.” So maybe it didn’t matter if she hadn’t, because she was explaining what she needed them for anyway. “For rent. She wants me to pay her rent with bones and I don’t have bones except for the ones in my body and she says she wants those, too, but I told her I’m getting cremated, so she can’t have those. There are bones at my house, I think– my next door neighbor had a gerbil, but there’s goo, so I can’t get those bones. Help me get the bones.” The words came out in one big breath and she felt a little lightheaded as she watched for Jade’s reaction.

Jade was really loving life as part-time for Sly Slice. Don’t get her wrong, the unpredictability of food delivery apps was like, so her tempo but something about that steady paycheck was doing it for her. Maybe that was growth, maybe that was maturing. (Ruby would be so proud). Jade could only hope it didn’t turn her into some boring old lady. Like Van already thought she was. Speaking of Van, she looked a little twitchier than usual when Jade entered the shop after she wrapped up her last order. She smiled at her anyway, cause she knew the girl loved running on a few hours of sleep, so maybe she was like… tired, not nervous.

Jade absolutely did not expect the word vomit that came out of Van as she readied to call it a night. She stopped in her tracks, giving herself a little time to fully process what she’d been told. Right, yup. Nope, she actually heard that right. Van needed bones, again. She knew this was a recurring issue, apparently. “Oooh, yup. I can…” Hearing the name Kavanagh didn’t elicit some sort of Pavlovian response in her, no way. (She did wipe her chin, just in case). She didn’t expect Regan to be a landlord. That was like, a little problematic of her, actually. A bit of a turn-off, if she was being honest. Like, traitor much? But she had her own red flags to care about first, before she could judge others’. (Like double texting, nothing else). Regan being a landlord aside, there was still Van’s issue, which mattered more than whatever she felt for the doctor. But maybe… if word got out that she was the person who helped Van get those bones, that could work in her favor too. From all sides, this looked to be a win-win situation. Maybe not so much for Van, though. Who was like, being bullied by a greedy landlord. But for her gay agenda? Totes.

“I can totally help, babe!” Jade got out as quick as she could before Van could faint. Her eyebrows pinched together, her head tilted, waiting to see what was coming next. Nothing, apparently. That was all the girl wanted to say. Her hand circled around the room. “Is um… is that anywhere close? Your dead pet’s grave, I mean. We can go on my bike if it’s not. I have an extra helmet. You’re not…like, scared of Roxie, are you?”

Instead of looking distraught, Jade seemed contemplative. That was a good sign… right? Van held her breath a moment longer before her chest heaved. She took to leaning against the wall, not really sure what had gotten into her. She should’ve just told Dr. Kavanagh she would have paid like normal people did. Why did she want bones, anyway? Couldn’t she use money instead of bones? After learning that she was a medical examiner, it made more sense, but wouldn’t she be covered in bones? Van was ignorant to most things happening across Wicked’s Rest, but she wasn’t dumb enough to ignore the death count. It was unusually high, which meant that Dr. Kavanagh probably had access to tons of bones. It was obvious she didn’t care about the legalities of any of any of this.

Jade told her that she could help and Van felt the weight (literally) lift off her shoulders. She slumped against the wall and nodded, thankful that she didn’t need to do any more convincing. Their conversation online had told her that Jade would’ve been the kind of person she could trust in a situation like this, but it was still a weird request to begin with. At her question, Van nodded a little too enthusiastically. “Um— not far, like— maybe fifteen minutes?” She counted on her fingers even though there was nothing to count. Van knew that her old elementary school was goo-less— it was one of the locations they’d set up for temporary shelter. “There might um, be some people here? Because of the displacement or whatever, but…” Maybe it wouldn’t be that weird, Van could lie about losing an earring. She would make sure to take one off, just in case. “Roxie…” The bike, right. Van shook her head. “I don’t— no, I’m not afraid.” A little afraid, but it should be fine. “I’ve never… ridden one before. You’re not going to kill us, so it’s fine, right? I mean, if you do, then she’d get her bones.” Was that the intention? Jade wouldn’t kill her, would she? Van eyed the woman suspiciously for a moment before pushing away from the wall. “Do you also have a shovel? If not, we need to get one.” Why Jade would have a shovel on her, she wasn’t sure. She didn’t exactly have access to one at Dr. Kavanagh’s apartment.

Jade let out a tiny, delighted laugh, looking at Van visibly relax against the wall. She was a little pissed at Regan for making this girl so stressed, actually. And for what? Bones? It was kinda ridiculous, in her opinion. (Alright, fine. She understood Regan a little too) (Her landlord price would be Crunchwraps Supreme, which by all accounts, were far superior to bones).

She clapped with similar enthusiasm, already bouncing on her feet. “Well let’s do it then! Fifteen minutes is nothing!” her eyes sparkled encouragingly, but Van stayed in her spot, despite it, clearly having some doubts. That was okay, not everyone was ready to jump into action immediately, like she was. “Roxie! Yup. Oh, it’ll be so fine, you’re gonna love it. I’ll make sure it’s not a bumpy ride. Stop that, you’re not gonna be bones. Pinky promise.” She’d had several people on her bike before, and not a single one of them had complained about her riding skills, so she was confident she could make Van’s first experience a good one. At least, her argument was convincing enough to get Van moving this time. Except, not really… cause she also had more questions. (And actually? It was a good thing someone was asking the right questions) (Had it come down to her, she would’ve been at the school five minutes ago, and decided there what she wanted to do).

Jade bit the side of her lip, shaking her head in disappointment. “Um, nope. No shovel. Maybe if I had like, known you were planning on this. I bet I would’ve found one,” her eyes widened when an idea crossed her mind. “Ooooh, it could’ve been a whole girlies trip! With snacks and…” she trailed off, having a smidge of self-awareness to understand Van was not in the mood for that. She cleared her throat. One of the best things they had going for them right now, was that Jade was zero distracted by… gay stuff. Cause Van, as beautiful as she was, already felt like a little sister to her. So she could actually put the wonderful brain she had to good use. “There’s a hardware store near, I’m like… positive. Something with a ‘W’? I pass it every time I come here!” she twisted around, her thumb pointing behind her as she could simply determine which way the store was. (A sense of direction wasn’t exactly one of her talents, but that didn’t stop her from believing!). “I mean, they have to have some, right? OH—Or! Maybe they have gloves, and we can dig with our hands.” She beckoned Van to follow her outside,” come on, we’ll make a quick stop there”.

Jade seemed confident in her abilities, so that should have, in theory, put Van at ease. She couldn’t help but feel like her life was turning into a very stupid movie. The kind that were lost to under the table releases, and only film guys named Timothy knew about them. It was a silly thought and she knew it, but her head was full of silly thoughts lately and it was hard to expel them when things like this kept on happening.

Things like this being full grown adults trying to convince her of their worth. Van blinked at Jade before giving her a small nod. “Okay, no shovel, but we can um, we can probably find one.” It shouldn’t be that hard. This was a town with shovels, she’d seen plenty. Maybe they could break into a gardener’s shed, or the custodial shed. Would she even really remember where the gerbil was buried? She hoped so. This all seemed like a loss, in all honesty.

“A girls…” Really, Van wasn’t quite sure what Jade was trying to get at, but she did seem excited to help, and shouldn’t she be grateful for that? She wanted to be grateful for that, so she sucked in a breath and nodded. Jade was devising a plan for a shovel and Van shook her head, “don’t you know anything about committing crimes? We can’t leave a paper trail.”

She thought about Debbie, for a brief moment, and her stomach twisted. She wondered if she was bones now, or if her body was still decomposing in the pit. Guilt settled over her quickly and she felt her mouth fill with iron, anxiety pulling at her seams. “We can— a shovel should be at the shed, um, you know how to pick locks, right?” Jade looked like the kind of person who did know how to pick locks, but that was none of her business. Van nodded before pushing away from the wall, following after Jade. “You don’t think we’ll get in trouble for this, do you?”

Jade’s eyebrows pulled together as Van dashed all her wonderful (half-baked) ideas. Well, okay… better not suggest anything else then. She didn't understand what was happening very well. But Van was anxious, that she knew. She could totally be patient with the girl as she navigated her thoughts and feelings. She was twenty at some point, too. (Her twenties were so fun though, she couldn’t relate). Calling this a crime was totally pushing it, though. “I thought we weren’t… doing anything illegal. How’s looking for your old guinea pig wrong?” Like, it was hers, technically. “Do you mean potentially entering somewhere closed? That’s cool, I can totally flirt with whoever and get us inside, no need to trespass”. Her eyes narrowed for a moment, regarding Van with respect. “What do you know about crime, babe? Do you also get all your knowledge from TV shows? Cause, same”.

So the shovel was a no, for now at least. Not a store-bought one, but possibly they could find one in a shed. Jade didn’t argue with Van’s logic, it tracked. And they would need to pick locks, potentially. She beamed at the girl’s assumption. “Oh, totally. I once dated a guy who taught me all about it,” and by that she meant, she watched him do it for twenty minutes, bored out of her ass, and then made out with him against that same door when he failed to pick the lock. But she knew the basics, okay? She had this, she was super confident she did. How hard could it be anyway? They made it look super easy on TV.

Once they made it to her bike parked outside Sly Slice, Jade reached for her extra helmet, helping Van with it. “I’m positive we won’t get in trouble, babe. It’s not like we’re digging up a real… person, are we?” She mused, adjusting the chin strap. Her hands squeezed Van’s shoulders gently, grinning proudly at her once she was good to go. “You look so badass” she chuckled, spinning around and reaching for her own helmet. Safety first and all. Regan would probably be pissed if she let anything happen to Van. (Well, actually) (She wasn’t sure. Those bones would be up for grabs, wouldn’t they?) She climbed onto her machine, leaving enough space between her and the delivery box for Van to fit with no issues. She was part of the short club too, so they were gonna be super comfy. “I’ll go slow…ish, so you can give me directions, okay?” Jade did not wait for confirmation that Van was on board with the plan, as soon as she sensed the girl behind her, she started the engine. Her voice rose above the noise. “Hold on, but try not to strangle me okay?” There was a time and place for that, but she was not going to joke about it with Van. And with that thought out of the way… they hit the road.

Jade reassured her that there was no crime to be committed, that they would be just entering a place where flirting might ensue. The thought of having to watch Jade flirt with whoever it was that might catch them made her head spin. Van wasn’t sure what having an older sibling was like, but this sure felt like that. At Jade’s question, she nodded slowly. “I mean, yeah– I don’t like, go out and commit crimes or whatever.” She definitely did. The most heinous one was beneath her belt, even if she repressed the memory as best as she could. Still, she wasn’t about to explain to Jade that she had committed two murders already– that was for Van to know and for Jade, or anyone else who hadn’t been there to never find out.

Van nodded, glad to know that at the very least, Jade would be able to get them into a tool shed, need be. She wasn’t sure why she was following through with this plan, or why she wasn’t questioning Dr. Kavanagh more about her need for bones, but she was feeling extremely pressured to follow through with her end of the bargain. What somebody could want with bones over money, she couldn’t be sure, but she wasn’t going to complain about giving somebody something else other than money, that was for sure.

“No, no not– it’s a gerbil, I swear!” The last thing she needed was for Jade to think that she was running around digging up all the graves, but then again, she seemed pretty chill with what they were about to do which, if Van were smarter, maybe she’d question that, too. Instead, she was just glad that somebody was willing to help her. She could have probably asked Nora, but Nora lived in a literal crypt which meant that they’d probably dig up real human remains, and she wasn’t ready for that kind of thing, especially not when it was for a doctor who would definitely know that they were not animal bones. Van felt like a child as Jade put her helmet on her. She wobbled beneath the weight of Jade’s hands, and even though they were within like-height to each other, she felt so much smaller. Van looked at the back of Jade’s bike apprehensively before finally getting on, gripping the back rack to steady herself. “Okay, I mean– yeah, that’s fine.” She liked to skateboard, and she liked to go fast, so this wouldn’t be that much different, would it? The bike started and she could feel the thrum of it in her chest, and in the pads of her fingers. Jade was shouting over the noise and Van opened her mouth to ask what she was saying, but instead the bike lurched forward and Van found herself grabbing onto Jade’s waist.

They moved forward and instead of the anxiety from before, Van felt exhilarated. She wasn’t sure if that was a good sign or not. The noise of the bike mixed with the wind in her face felt freeing in a way she hadn’t experienced since Debbie died. She… liked it, if she were being honest with herself, but she still held onto Jade tightly, even while leaning forward to shout out directions to her old school.

They arrived safely, which Van was grateful for, despite her newfound love of motorbikes. She hopped off, a little sad that she’d need to take the helmet off. Her fingers felt numb, but not in a way that meant they were cold, just that they’d been resting on something at a constant vibration– she could feel it in her legs, too. That was slightly less uncomfortable than the latter. She turned around to look at the fence, then to the big tree that she knew the gerbil was buried under. “The fence doesn’t look like it’s locked…” The tool shed to the left definitely was, though. Inhaling sharply, Van took off the helmet and nodded. “Are you um– are you ready?”

At this point, Jade wasn’t sure if it was a gerbil, a guinea pig or something else entirely, (all those little things looked the same to her. Was that… problematic?), but in the end, it was all irrelevant. She was here to help Van, not get specific about which animal was dead and buried. As long as it wasn’t another one of those metal-eating rats, she was totally Gucci with whatever they found.

She and Van were so alike, actually. In the sense they both didn’t like to go out and commit ‘crimes or whatever’, so with that important detail out of the way, she was happy to guide the girl to her bike and introduce her to Roxie. It was a super fun ride, all things considered. She was used to jitters from first-time riders, but Van did so well. She wasn’t even yelling in her ear (except for the instructions, duh) nor was she gripping too hard like the people who freaked out on her usually did. It went so smoothly, that they even made it to Van’s old elementary school in less than the estimated fifteen minutes. (She would’ve bragged a little more about how good a ride she was but like, the circumstances or whatever).

Climbing off the bike, she removed her helmet and followed Van’s gaze, smiling at the observation. Luck was totally on their side, it seemed. “Sweet! One less thing for you to worry about, babe.” She wasn’t sure if that was actually true. If anything would be ‘one less worry’ for Van, but Jade couldn’t help being extremely positive. (That was good though, right? Balanced energies). She locked the motorcycle, reaching for Van’s helmet once she took it off, putting it away inside her delivery box. “I’ve been ready since like…you first asked me, yup” She nodded, marching toward the shed.

“You wanna go check and make sure there is something in there for us to dig?” This wasn’t like, a crappy horror movie where the villain was lurking in the shadows, so they could totally split up, right? Nothing would happen to them. And if it did, she was carrying that knife strapped to her ankle. But that was a break in case of emergency type of situation. “I’ll go unlock that shed for us” she spoke confidently, reaching inside her jacket for a bobby pin. Score. She flashed Van one of her brightest smiles before heading left of the field, eyes on the prize.

Really, how hard could it be? Jade could always use a little of that… enhanced strength in her if it came down to it. As long as it didn’t look, you know, like someone forced the door. (She was smart too, alright?) Before she even touched the shed, she made sure to look around for cameras. They were pointed towards the building, which would keep her concealed if she succeeded at breaking into the shed. (Which was kind of a bummer? Because she looked pretty hot. It should’ve been immortalized in tape, really). She inserted the pin and prodded aimlessly, gaze lifting to follow Van.

“Yeah, I guess.” Van looked at the fence, no longer sure if this was a good idea or not. Why was she even doing it in the first place? It was so dumb! She could get arrested! She could get Jade arrested, and after telling her that she didn’t go and do illegal things, that seemed like the opposite of what should happen. But Jade seemed sure of herself and so Van took a deep breath, allowing for the confidence in her company to dissuade any of the anxiety she felt begin to creep up.

“Um…” She looked at Jade, confused as to how she’d do that without actually digging things up. “Do you have like, a bone device or something?” That seemed like a dumb question. But maybe there was a sign of some kind– after all, they had gone all out for the funeral of the little thing. It’d been years ago now, and Van had to wonder just how many other things had been buried along with it. The thought made her sad, but time passed just as it always did, and things were bound to die, weren’t they?

She took a deep breath, watching as Jade sauntered away towards the shed before she headed in the direction of the tree she remembered gathering beneath to bury the gerbil. She paused for a moment, noticing that there were several more headstones. Was she going to go to hell for this? Or whatever variation existed? Maybe she was already in hell. Maybe this was penance for all that she’d ever done– Diana and Debbie included. At least the gerbil’s name didn’t start with D. God forbid there be a triple D situation on her hands.

After confirming that the gravesites were still there, she headed towards Jade, avoiding the distance of the cameras. If she remembered correctly, they barely even worked. Van cleared her throat, jutting a thumb in the direction of the large tree and the animal graves. “I found it, and I think that there are probably like, a lot of bones.” Would Dr. Kavanagh want all of those bones? It still seemed silly that she wanted them at all, and Van wasn’t even really sure why she was humoring the situation in the first place, but it was a little late to ask too many questions. “Did you find a shovel?” She peered into the shed, squinting past the darkness. There were a few different items hung up on the wall, and if Van were being honest with herself, it looked like something out of a horror movie. “I hope Jason doesn’t kill us.”

“Nope! No bone device in me. If anything, my bone device is chilling in the morgue right now,” Jade smiled sweetly, blinking away the dreamy look on her face when the words sank in. “For fun! I mean, she’s not dead. My bone device… meaning doctor Kavanagh,” she clarified, before Van could like, freak out. (Not that it was a hard thing to achieve, mind you). Anyway, Van did as she was told, and both of them focused on their respective tasks for a few minutes. She had zero doubts they would be like, a dynamic duo. A dream team, of sorts. They beat that one metal-eating rat after all. The lock was picked just as Jade heard Van’s footsteps heading her way. (See? The movies never lied). She did a short victory dance, before walking straight into the darkness. She had the advantage of night vision, she knew she’d be able to see if spiders or rats were chilling inside. And thankfully, there were only tools. And a Bigfeet mug, that she was almost tempted to steal.

“I found it yup!” she turned back to Van when she came in, reaching toward the nearest wall and grabbing the rusty-looking shovel. Jade pushed it into her hands, picking up on her concern. (At this point, she wasn’t sure if that was the way her face looked all the time) “Chillax. I’m not gonna let that happen.” She squeezed the girl’s shoulder, giving her a comforting smile even if she’d struggle to see it. “I’m too important to the plot to die in a tool shed,” she shrugged at her flawless logic, turning around to look for trash bags. “I do have like, a knife if we have to fight a classic horror villain…” she mumbled absently, focused on a different task. If Van mentioned there might be more bones out there, they should grab them all. It could be worth like, several payments. She wasn’t sure if it was a one-bone per-month type of deal or… How did that work, anyway? If they found a femur, was it worth more than a finger? “This should be enough,” she decided, waving three bags in Van’s face. They wouldn’t use them all, she didn’t think. “Lead the way!”

Jade didn’t remember ever shoveling. If anyone ever shoveled back home, it would’ve been Onyx. But that was the fun part, wasn’t it? It was like, unlocking a new useless skill set. Life really was just like The Sims, wasn’t it? They walked over to the giant tree with the tiny headstones, and something sad bubbled in her chest. She didn’t wanna think of Lullaby like this, ever. She just got her, and she was supposed to lose her one day? It was messed up. Her eyebrows pinched together. “What was their name? The Gerbil’s, I mean”. She took the shovel away from Van and sank it on the spot. How hard could it be to scoop up dirt? Not too hard, but definitely ‘a few attempts needed first’ hard. “You should tell me about it, if you want. Do you miss it…them?”

It was hard to believe that there wasn’t anything between Dr. Kavanagh and Jade with the way they spoke about each other. Jade, with confidence, and Dr. Kavanagh, with a hint of uncertainty and frustration. That seemed like a textbook crush, if Van had any say in it. Instead of commenting on any of it, however, Van stayed silent, mind working around the possibility that they were just two private people who wanted to keep things quiet until they were ready for some kind of debut. Though, Van couldn’t imagine a world where Jade was private at all– she seemed the exact opposite.

Still, they had a job to do, no matter how strange it was. Van realized a little too late in the game that she could have gone about this in an entirely different way, but she was well past turning back now. She was grateful, however, to see that a shovel had materialized. She looked past Jade, further into the shed. She thought about the lunches she had had in there, all when the other kids decided they didn’t want to be her friend anymore. She wondered if the initials she scrawled into the metal with a screwdriver were still there. Deciding not to check for the sake of embarrassing herself with something that might no longer exist, she nodded at Jade’s comment. “You’re right, and we’re um, it’s too early for that.” In her life, or in the day, she didn’t bother to amend. “I wasn’t allowed to have knives.” The comment was absent of any real emotion– a story she’d told a dozen times. The responses were varying when it came down to it, and she figured that Jade would fit in with the rest of those who were bewildered.

Van took the shovel from Jade and led the way to the spot beneath the big tree. It looked a little barren, but the grass was greener where the dead things were buried, despite the bitterness of winter as it crept over the town. She stared at the plots for a moment before she felt the shovel being taken from her and she looked up. “Um, its name was Daffy.” What if Jade thought she was obsessed with Disney? “We couldn’t choose a name, so some people wanted to call it Laffy Taffy, and others wanted to call it Daisy, so we ended… there.” Van shrugged simply, as if the story made the most sense in the world. When Jade asked if she missed the gerbil, she shook her head. The dirt turned over on itself, clumps of weeds and some worms visible from the pile. “I don’t think so, I mean, it was like, the closest I ever got to having a real pet, and it was cool, but…” She shook her head, “I don’t think I miss something that wasn’t ever like, mine, you know?” Van crossed her arms over her chest and watched as Jade worked, jumping slightly to the sound of the metal of the shovel thunking against a box.

“Wait, I think you hit it.” Uneasily, Van crouched down and swallowed thickly. She smoothed her hand over the top of the box– an old thing with signatures and stickers and photos taped to it. She saw her classmates faces with bright smiles as they stood in front of the still alive gerbil’s cage. “This is it for sure.” She dug the box out the rest of the way and put it to the side, hesitating. “You don’t think he’s like, going to come to life like from that one episode of Fairly Odd Parents, do you?” Did Jade even know what she was talking about? Probably not. She seemed too old to remember Fairly Odd Parents.

Jade tilted her head, surprised by Van’s comment. Why wouldn’t she have a knife? She was old enough. By like, almost ten years, right? She was… she didn’t remember. Lots of those early hunting memories were super hazy. But it probably didn’t matter, ‘cause she grew to love knives, didn’t she? (Why was there a strange sensation setting in her stomach?) Her mouth stayed in a perfect ‘o’ shape, until she snapped out of her own memories associated with knives. “Do you want one? I could give you one… isn’t it a little unsafe to live in this town, just like… rawdogging it?” she took a quick breath, anticipating a potential anxiety-induced response coming from the girl. “I don’t think you’re gonna be out there stabbing people, fyi. But I mean, like… if you wanted something in case of an emergency. I have some retired ones that are still sharp enough. No pressure” she tacked on, unsure how effective the clarification would be for Van.

It was nice that Van at least wanted to share something with her. As silly as a story about a third grade pet was. Learning anything about anyone in this town was like pulling teeth, she’d take what she could get. (And sure, maybe it was her own interest in emotionally unavailable people that kept drawing her to the wrong crowd, what about it?). Her eyes were bright as she listened, picturing a much younger version (probably not much taller) than Van as she shoveled. “That’s so cute,” her nose scrunched up in delight, taking away her gaze from the hole she was digging and glancing at the girl. Not having any pets wasn’t like, super strange or anything. Her family had that one guard dog that left for the farm upstate a few years after she was born. But Jade’s smile shortened into something pensive. Having Lullaby was like, the best thing that’s happened to her in years. How nice would’ve been to have someone back home to play with while everybody else was too busy hunting? “That’s super smart” she replied, realizing she’d slowed down with the shoveling. “I miss things that were never mine all the time.” She shrugged nonchalantly, digging with more ease now that she’d picked up a better technique.

It resulted in her hitting the box a few moments later. “I sure hit it” she smirked, looking into the hole. Van was the one to reach out for the box, and Jade’s heart melted a little (a lot) looking at the picture of adorable tiny kids. She was so demanding Van to show her which one was her. But right, there were still bones to find, based on the headstones and Van’s memory. She got back to it, barely feeling the exertion. Actually… Would chicks dig shoveling? She could totally turn it into a way to show off her muscles. ‘Cause normally they weren’t super showy, but if she were to flex… Wait, Van was saying something. She cackled at the faint memory, “I don’t think so… Daffy’s been dead too long, he would’ve come back years ago” she reassured, entirely too confident in her logic for someone who’s seen some wild things coming back to life. But what good would telling Van about it do?

She didn’t know what else she dug up, but Jade managed to find a bunch of other tiny bones. She picked up everything she could, (maybe even grabbed some things that weren’t even bones) grimacing all the way through. The things they (she) did for Regan. Yuck. It turned out three bags were like, way too many for all those little bones, but whatever. They got what they needed, the gerbil packed exclusively in one bag and the other findings shoved into another. Jade handed everything to Van, wiping her hands on the empty one. Ew. She’d need to scrub for hours to feel clean again. “Okay!” she panted, glancing at Van with a triumphant look. “I’ll shovel this back super quick so we can skedaddle.” Was it gonna be a perfect job? Nope, but she’d at least make the mess look like there were dogs playing around with the headstones, and not two grown women searching for bones. “Wasn’t this so fun?” she sang, patting down the soil with the shovel. “We should do it again!” One look at Van’s tension-filled face, had her regretting her words. “Or! Maybe we can do something more chill. I’d teach you to ride my bike for sure. We’ll… we can figure it out,” she laughed, wrapping her arm around Van’s shoulder and strolling back to the shed. They would leave everything as it was. No one would ever know Daffy was no longer buried. And like, no one else would care enough to go looking for him anyway.

Van flinched at Jade’s offer, shaking her head. “No, I don’t.. need one.” If anything, she was the unsafe thing. She already had two kills under her belt. Sure, the first hadn’t been on purpose, and maybe she didn’t drive the knife into Debbie’s skull like Nora had, but did that really matter? Wasn’t the intention what mattered? Or the power she couldn’t control? As Jade further clarified, she felt her skin prickle. What would happen if she had one? Would she accidentally hurt somebody? Even if Jade didn’t think she would, she was accidentally hurting people with her magic all of the time. “I think I’ll stick to like, butter knives. You know, for spreading jam and stuff.” She offered Jade a stiff smile, not wanting the older girl to think any differently of her for denying the gift of a knife.

She felt a little exposed, recounting a story from her childhood the way she was. It wasn’t intimate or anything, but Van felt like it should have been by the way that Jade was looking at her. It reminded her of the way parents looked at their kids when they’d done something cute– not an emotion she saw flit across her parents often. She was sure that there was more depth to Jade’s words, I miss things that aren’t mine all the time– because Van missed things all of the time, but mostly the things that were hers that she couldn’t have anymore.

The box was in her hands, which meant that they were closer to leaving the scene of their self imposed crime. Jade’s reassurance that Daffy wouldn’t come back to rip her throat out made Van feel a little better.

She watched as Jade continued to dig, more boxes and more things unearthed from their supposed-to-be permanent graves. She felt guilty for digging them up, but it was too late to turn back now. Dr. Kavanagh needed the bones for whatever reason, and Van couldn’t afford to get kicked out. The items she held in her hands were quickly disposed of into the bags that they had brought with them. Maybe she had misremembered just how big gerbils were, or whatever else had been buried alongside them. “Again? I don’t– I mean, we could like, go roller skating or something, but I don’t think that doing this again would be fun.” She looked down at the bags with a frown, “I really hope she’s happy with what we found.” If she wasn’t, what would happen? Would she come and throw both Van and Thea out? Would she make Jade do it as punishment for not finding the right or best bones? The more she sat with these thoughts, the more confident she was that Dr. Kavanagh might have been some kind of dog shifter with wings. Those could exist, right? Bears did. “Riding your bike would be much cooler.” Scarier, maybe, she realized. It was too late to take it back, though, and Van simply followed Jade away from the scene of the crime– a bag in tow and the shovel stowed back to where it belonged.

#para: bones of payment #para: jade #wickedswriting #//i love jade and mary sm

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