#ED trigger warning

[blackswan707]

⭐️ving myself/fasting for a very long time is the hardest but very addicting feeling fr

[youshouldntlookatthis]

unpopular opinion maybe but we’re all on ed tumblr because we’re sick/mentally ill and most of us are just seeking comfort bc ed’s are lonely af and it sucks to struggle alone. nobody asked you to post meanspo/bully the people in your community that are just seeking a sense of connection/comfort/safety. pretty sure we don’t need strangers to bully us about the mental illness that we struggle with. go be an ana coach or log off and make an edtwt account if you wanna be weird and toxic. i hope you feel as gross as you are.

[swordsandholly]

Mother’s Day Blues

John ‘Soap’ MacTavish x Reader

Word Count: ~900 unedited

Johnny loves Mother’s Day. You hate it.

MDNI | cw: vent fic, big mommy issues, mentioned childhood spanking, ED mention

Johnny loves Mother’s Day.

You hate it.

He watches you stand in the card aisle, shifting side to side, reading every single card. Snatching them up and shutting them hard just to shove them back into their little displays - huffing and growing ever more agitated as you go.

“It doesnnae matter what ye pick, bonnie.” He tries to be encouraging. “They’re all nice.”

“That’s the problem.” You mutter in a voice far too weak and bitter for his liking. “Why can’t they make one that just says, like, ‘You sure are my mom!’”

“Sweetheart…” Johnny knows you’re trying to cover it with humor, but the way your brow furrows breaks his heart. He sets a hand on your waist, pointing to a very generic, sparkly joke card. You nod and take it, grimacing still.

He hates it - hates watching you chew your lip and your hands shake while you pace back and forth before the 10 am alarm you set to call your mom goes off. Hates holding you while you sob in his lap after because of course she had to ask in a pathetic, whiny voice ‘is everything okay with us’ when she knows damn well it isn’t. When she won’t ever try to fix it or admit that she fucked up.

You carry the effects of the way she raised you everywhere you go. Johnny sees them all - knows them all by heart. Every time he notices you cutting portions and weighing yourself more than normal. When you use cruel words to describe your body. Every time you don’t tell him that you’re upset with him because you’re frightened of his reaction - body shaking so hard that you look like an earthquake personified. The lack of confidence in your interactions with others, how easily you fold and are ready to people please. Every time you get that glazed over, far away look in your eye after you remember something a little too clearly.

You only took him to meet her once. He’s never wanted to punch a woman like that before.

Johnny is, and always has been, of the opinion that you should cut contact. Cold turkey. Block her on everything and leave it be. You’ve argued about it more times than he can count, going back and forth about what would happen if you did. What the worst outcome could be.

“It’s not like she hit me…” You mutter.

“Spankin’ is hittin’, love.” Johnny takes your hands. “And it doesnnae matter if she did or not. She was rotten tae ye in every other way.”

You just get quiet. Tears well up in your eyes and what is he supposed to do when you get like that? Keep fighting? No, never. It’s your decision anyway. He just hates what she does to you and, by extension, how it effects your relationship with his mother.

Every time you visit is perfectly cordial. His mum loves you - sees you as her own. You’re Johnny’s after all. Her only son. You want to love her. You really, really do but when she says ‘I love you’ it feels like you’re going to die. Every time she hugs you he can see the way your shoulders tense up by your ears and your lips purse.

They’ve talked about it. Johnny and his mum. The horrified look she gave him when he told her only the little he knew at the time was more than enough. Bless her. She made it her goal to be the perfect mother-in-law. Never overbearing, never too needy. To love you quietly and meet you where you’re at.

He’s cried over it a few times - though he’d never admit it - watching her treat you with the gentle hands and words you deserve. It breaks his heart as you try to figure out what to do with it.

Johnny has known he wants to marry you for a long time. You’ve both talked about it, both made it known that you’re fully committed to one another forever. It’s just hard to plan a proposal when he isn’t sure how long he’ll be in town. He got the ring months ago and has just been holding onto it for the right time. So, in the end, he decides to be a bit spontaneous with it. His whole family is going on a beach day, and you look so pretty in your little cover up dresses.

His little nieces and nephews gladly help him set up a little path leading to a circle of flowers. His sister brings her big, fancy camera to take pictures while his other sister hints at you to wear something cute and invited you to get your nails done a week before.

Thank god you’re one of the most oblivious people on the planet.

Of course you say yes, tackling him down into the sand while you both cry. He knew you’d say yea but it still fills his heart to bursting. He buries his face in your neck to hide it, but he can’t stop it. You’re his, always and forever.

As the family congratulates and talks, his mother finally comes up and tenderly takes both your hands in hers.“Welcome to the family, love. It’s so nice to have another daughter.”

Johnny freezes, watching for your reaction.

Your eyes turn to saucers, a quiet hiccup shaking your chest before a full on sob follows. You bury your face in your hands and she wraps her arms around your shoulders. Johnny grabs onto you both.

She might not be your mum by blood, and you may never truly open up to her, but either way you deserve a good mother. He’s more than happy to share his own. Maybe someday you’ll heal. Little by little, by the same gentle hands that raised him.

A/N: Sorry for the angst but Mother’s Day has me fucked up.

[jellygelly]

Pamiętajcie, szczęście nie bierze się z miłości, a z bycia CHUDYM.

[wl-butterfly]

Something I think about while in recov

[carinaagain]

ate too much yesterday, but barely ate today cause i have no groceries left so hopefully tomorrow i’ll weight less

[blueberrisocks]

[writtenonthemirror]

being an adult with an ed is so strange

i remember being 13, crying over a bowl of oatmeal

i pay taxes and have a 401k now

some things don’t change

[005bones]

ʚɞ... my rules to live by

restriction or omad (400-800 cal limit, 1000 max)

focus on protein, veggies, and fruit

no fast food

only eat half of the plate if forced to eat with family, order the lowest calorie item on the menu

make up excuses not to eat

don't give into munchies !!!

remember that you are the only one in control of what you eat. no one can force you to eat

share your food, offer it to others

talk during dinner so they don't notice you aren't eating

mess around with the food to make it look like you're eating, put food in napkin so you can hide/get rid of it

remember how much it hurts to eat so much, how much better it feels to be empty

10k steps every day. no excuses

make sure to log everything you consume

if you don't know the calories, don't eat it.

weigh your food. don't just estimate cals

YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE IN CONTROL OF WHAT YOU EAT

[motylek-337]

Real

[scarlett-xoxx]

Being FAT is a choice

Remember that the next time you eat

[midnights-perch]

This is what the Telegraph is saying we should eat now?

As a middle aged, 125lb, 5ft 4" woman, with an underactive thyroid to boot... those portions would leave me severely underweight. I'm not a heavy exerciser either, I just work on my feet. How would you get enough vitamins and minerals out of that without snacking?

Can we STOP underfeeding women ffs.

[fakelunaanul]

I swear I'll be the happiest person in the world when my body is the way I want

[izayaaaah]

This could’ve been you months ago.

[bulimixia]

[carinaagain]

i felt so guilty by the end of the day i ended up taking three laxatives (45mg total), i’m going to die tomorrow, kinda scared