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#EVEN CLOSE TO DYING ANYMORE
blazing-spectre · 1 year
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Considering how bad Serval wants to follow the Emperor to the end of the world and beyond, I never in a million years would have thought he’d give the opportunity to go full ilithid to Karlach instead but here we are. O_O I don’t know what the FUCK I’ve done, but she seems happy at least.
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bunnihearted · 3 months
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i've also realized that there is no therapy that can fix what's broken inside of me
#therapy wont give me a place to belong. a person to call my home.#therapy where i sit and talk about how all i want is to love and be loved and i'll never feel whole without it wont solve anything#guess i just need to study and get an education for a job that i think i could be capable of#and then distract myself with books and shows and nature#the problem is that loneliness permeates my every cell and my every moment and being#im losing interest in humanity and society#literature is barely even interesting to me anymore bc i feel so fkn far away from humanity#and what makes u human.. that i cant connect with any of what i try to consume#i just... dont care. music doesnt even do anything for me anymore#i feel so numb in one way#but also i often feel like im panicking. how is this possible? how did i end up here?#im like actually fading away from this earth and it sometimes feels like#it wont even matter if i do#what is trying to take ahold of me and stop me from fading....?#idec anymore. even if i do get a job and an apartment i'll still be empty bc all i want is. smth i can never have? is that really how it is#i dont even require that much#that is what is so .. terrible almost#i just want one connection that is special to us both. smth close smth deep smth that i can pour everything into#i look around and almost everyone have more than one person even by them.... what did i do wrong?#i must've done smth very very wrong from the start to even end up here#it doesnt matter. i fade and i fade and i fade... i think i will keep doing so#because no matter how much other ppl - ppl who themselves have love and closeness in their lives. who have friends and partners and family.#no matter how much they parrot empty lines of 'learn how to be alone!!' 'life can be whole and fulfilled even alone' ..#i dont want that. i really dont. deep in my soul i do not want that#so their words are completely... condescending even. yes i CAN do all of that. i mean fuck#i am surviving feeling alone more than most of them are since they have ppl around them lmao#but i just dont want it. i am a person meant for a deep connection... i dont even need it with multiple people#without that i feel like i am dying and nothing else matters#besides i know it's possible bc i have felt that with a person at this time of my life#so i know that it's not smth distant or unachievable... it does exist and i want it bc it's the only thing that made me
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jasontoddenthusiastt · 4 months
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Haha
Bruce: *endangers Jason’s life by throwing him off the batmobile* *endangers Jason’s life by pulling him off a moving vehicle* *endangers Jason’s life by fucking with his nervous system* *endangers Jason’s life and kills him via his special robot* *endangersJason’slifeendangersJason’slifeendangersJason’sli-*
Also Bruce: Jason, it’s my fault that your life ended up so dangerous and unrewarding. Don’t you see I just want your life to be peaceful?
Bruce math™
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aria0fgold · 5 months
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Thinking more about my isat au and I'm gonna need to change a LOT more than I thought. First things first, Siffrin's connection to the wish. Since in Of gems and pages, all the wishes stayed the same. So why is Odile the one looping and not Siff? So basically, what I think I'd do in my au is that the Universe decided to change things up a bit.
The first time the Universe granted Siffrin the means to fulfill their wish, things went horribly bad (just look at Loop). So this time, the Universe decided to give this new Siffrin, something a lil different. They still gave Siffrin the timeloop But made Odile his proxy. So that Siffrin may have helpers in this new timeline, with Loop as the guide and Odile helping as well, it Should go better, right??? And since the wish is connected with Siffrin's emotions, the Universe can't just completely make it Odile's problem now, sooo basically... Siffrin can still remember Parts of a previous loop PRIOR to their deaths.
That means during the beginning of canon when Siff was crushed by a boulder, he remembers that. And found Loop as well, but when he accidentally ended up touching a tear, he now Doesn't remember being crushed by a boulder but by being frozen in time. At the same time, he ALSO doesn't remember Anything else prior to it. So he doesn't remember that there's a boulder that can kill him by the entrance of the House, he doesn't remember Loop. All he remembers is that somehow, one way or another, he was frozen in time within the House and needs to be more careful with the tears. And because of the way that the loops affect Siffrin now is faaar too different than how it affected Loop, he can't go forwards or backwards in time. Siff will always awaken back in the meadow and Loop will always have to do their whole speech all over again (which would most likely annoy them immediately cuz why? Why is it so different now? Why can't this Siffrin REMEMBER?)
Odile on the other hand, remembers ALL the loops and finds a lot of discrepancies with Siffrin. It takes awhile for her to meet Loop and they get to talk to each other. Their meeting would be pretty... rocky at first. Loop still getting regarded as a stranger by Odile, Loop finding out that Odile is the one getting affected by the timeloop from their own selfish wish. Even if that Siffrin isn't them, it doesn't change the fact that they both made the same wish. Loop thinkin bout being such a favourite cosmic joke of the Universe that not only were they turned into This, one of their family members are suffering cuz of them. And she doesn't even recognize them. It'd be pretty hard at first too cuz Loop doesn't know that their appearance changed yet, there's no mirror. For Loop, they might still look like Siffrin, right? But Odile's reaction to seeing them says otherwise.
Anyway in this au, stage wise, Odile is the actor, Siffrin is the director, and the Universe is the audience. Book wise, Odile is the character, Siffrin is the writer, and the Universe is the reader. Why is Siffrin the director or the writer and not the Universe? That's because the timeloops are Still connected to his emotions, if something he didn't want to think about happens like, that argument with Bonbon (just as an example. I'm wondering if that'll still happen here considering that only happened because of Siff had memories of all the loops in canon. He doesn't have that in this au anymore), time would loop back still, so in a way, Siff Is writing how the timeloops go.
#aria rants#isat spoilers#isat au#of gems and pages au#ogap au#also why did the Universe choose odile? i like to think that the Universe finds her as being skilled enough to be able#to easily help fulfill that wish considering that she Was able to deduce the timeloop when given enough clues#at the same time. odile also seems to be both really close to siffrin (the fact that they go on secret quests before)#and far away from the party emotionally. odile doesnt regard anyone as ''friends'' and so convinces herself that theyre just colleagues#but deep down. she also knows how much she cares for everyone to the point of willing to do unspeakable things to anyone that#dares harm any of them. she cares so much but doesnt know the word to describe it. friends doesnt cut it. the idea of them#being like family to her hasnt crossed her mind yet when the only family she knows of and have is broken and incomplete (her mom left them)#so shes seems to be emotionally distant from them. she wanted to ask bout continuing traveling with the others but doesnt know How#the Universe sees that and thought that should there be anyone that can easily help siffrin then itd be odile. unfortunately#for the Universe. they didnt quite expect siff being too closed off and dodgy in regards to his own emotions#so it still end up being difficult. even more so now that odile doesnt have the Full picture at all. she has no idea why#this is happening to her in the first place. she only knows it has something to do with siff and during the sequence#before new loop+ happened. the Universe most likely gave odile that chance both out of pity and hope that everything#will finally turn out better This Time. but because of the fact that odile Was dying and she exhausted her craft powers#she cant be brought back to the previous loops easily anymore cuz even if its still connected siff. her ability to be#brought back to loops hinges on craft power as well. siff is just the switch to it. so in a way. shes Supposed to be dead now#but the Universe heard siff's wish and granted the means to save odile as well as grant the previous wish he made#its just that such a wish cant be without a penalty. and that penalty is the timer on odile's life. they have only 99 tries left
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robotpussy · 1 year
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this white woman is threatening to call the police on me after she fucking sprayed bathroom cleaner in my fucking face and lashed out and told her to fuck off
#i know she wont call the police because wtf are they gonna do? im not at home in literally going to class#and i wont get home until the evening but the fact that she's threatening me because she wanted me#to lash out is so evil im manifesting her death idgaf anymore!!!#incase ppl are wondering she was outside spraying the door for a hour and im like im not walking past her#incase she says i did something to her. but then im like nah im gonna be late if i dont leave now#incase she says i did something to her. so i close the door but because she has the front door open my door slams#so she screams 'dont slam the door' and im like it only slammed because of the wind#and then im waiting for her to move and she won't so i just tell her i need to get past and she's like fuck off you piece of shit#and i just get riled up like don't fucking talk to me all i did was tell you i need to get past but you called me names#so im gonna do it back cause im not letting that slide. and she fucking sprays the cleaner at me#and then when im like what the fuck is your problem shes like i can get you arrested for being violent#and im like.... call them cause i haven't touched you 🤷🏾‍♀️ shes been dying to say that to me i know it#that low life penny smelling pile of white flesh will get whats coming to her i say she drop dead soon!#the reason why she was claiming i was being violent was because i kicked the air as a reflex response....#i didnt kick her. i kicked the air but shes going to run with that
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steelhazes · 1 month
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my hc is that the squishier dark knights get the more lore-accurate they become
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dutybcrne · 2 months
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Me, chilling vibing: :)
My brain: So, what if Diluc also had time spent in the Abyss while in his jaunt in Snezhnaya bc he'd fallen to it in trying to escape pursuit by the Fatui/a Harbinger, and thus his particular pursuit of the Abyss Order happened to result of the things he'd seen there and the creatures that tried to prey on his grief/negative emotions, thus wanting to protect the people of Mondstadt from such things. Part of the reason he was able to survive using the Delusion constantly happened to be unwittingly being tainted by it. Though not without price-
#☆ ┆ ( .ooc. );#//I like to think it's also why he might wind up with such a destructive fighting style#//Apart from surviving on his own in Snezhnaya and needing to be absolutely Ape Shitt to make sure no one could ever get in close#//If anyone got within meters of him; it was curtains for him: His thought process throughout that whole time#//With the Evil Eye; it was all too easy to kill from afar; particularly the weaker grunts he came across; & rlly make it HURT too#//Then with this idea; his more ruthless combat style would become the very reason he even makes it out of there alive#//Esp resolving to become every bit the monster these creatures are or worse; if he's the bigger/badder combatant; he WILL survive#//It's not until he'd get out of there and travel around teyvat as he'd promised Alice that he'd slowly start to phase out of that mindset#//Bc then he doesn't NEED to be a monster like that anymore#//Of course it would still stain the fabric of his very being. One does not delve into the Abyss' clutches and come out unscathed after all#//There are times where his instinctive reactions or bursts of temper tend to go overboard; esp when dealing with human enemies#//Times like those scare him bc he wouldn't be able to tell how much of that is the Delusion's influence or worse#//Bc the Evil Eye would be in his mind for years before he'd relinquish and destroy it; and probably haunt him for the rest of his life#//Bc of how dependent he'd become of it in that time. Add in a potential; even if brief; Abyssal corruption; and well-#//Eh; this is a fun idea but idk if I would want to incorporate it fully kjdgdrg#//Bc I'd already have too much going on with my hc of him being Nicole's son#//And thus those Hexenzirkel ties already giving him latent abilities neither he nor his father were rlly privy too#//Or if Crepus was; he died before he could give Luc a proper rundown#//And THAT is precisely what spared Luc from dying/suffering more at the Evil Eye's influence like Crepus did#//But EH#//I do like that being a reason why Alice in particular wanted to keep an eye out on him over most others in Mond (save Bedo & Klee)#hc; diluc#//Well; I kinda have to add that for the last few tags jhdbfgdfg
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bunnighost · 2 years
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blujayonthewing · 20 days
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considering making art about the alternate timeline where juniper is a private tutor for a wealthy estate and not elaborating on why
#the problem is I think it would actually annoy me very much to make actual art about 'what if she had stayed with isabelle'#but not explain it agdjfldgsks#honestly her romantic history isn't even an important secret it's just one I've been keeping so long it would feel weird not to anymore#it's for HER to choose to bring up. OR for the DM to drop on her as a random social encounter 😌#anyway. june being kept around like a loyal dog because waiting for scraps of leftover affection is better than having none#june learning to be demure and professional while her beloved performs her public facing role as A Wife to A Husband#june telling herself it doesn't matter that they actually do seem happy together. it doesn't matter to see belle look at a man that way#as long as she still looks at her that way too-- sometimes-- at belle's whim-- behind closed doors#june helping raise her children but having no right to call them hers-- having no right even to say how much she loves them#june never wandering the world. she can't afford to go far. her home is here now and anyway the family needs her#she thought about it-- back then- when they broke up over it instead. all of it. sometimes she still thinks about it.#sometimes she thinks about the children belle must have by now and aches so badly she feels she could die#maybe being a mistress to a young noble with little children who need teachers is the closest she could have ever come to motherhood#but she IS doing better now that she's found love again and isn't in the 'well that was my One Chance at not dying alone' zone anymore#my OCs#juniper
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I was feeling extremely suicidal today, like the worst I have in maybe four or five years now, and I was deliberating over whether I should go to the hospital like pretty much all day and now that I feel better I realise that the moment I started drafting my suicide note in my head was probably when I should’ve decided that 😭
#it’s so hard to think logically in the moment though; and I didn’t want to worry my dad or my partner#even though me killing myself would hurt them more obviously lol#I’m glad I feel better though#finally at like 5pm after doing all the chores and getting dressed and making meals and napping and going outside and exercising and calling#people and watching my favourite things#and none of it made even the slightest difference#(and I was drafting my suicide note)#I was like alright I need to do something about this because I’m gonna get exhausted and lose the fight pretty soon#which is always how my suicidality has been#I’ve never made a plan I’ve just come very very close to being worn down by the constant obsession and just giving in#which is hard to explain to ER nurses!#anyway. as soon as I decided that it instantly was like a cloud went away so that was weird as hell and I still don’t get it but at least I#don’t want to die as much anymore!#I’m seriously good now; like just normal sad and tired#but it does scare me that it took me so long to decide to go to the hospital#cause that was really cutting it close for a while there 😬#I don’t trust myself to get it right the next time. but hopefully I’ll remember this and just go#anne speaks#now I’m just dying over how hilarious it was that I was literally drafting my suicide note and still was like hmm I wouldn’t want to worry#my partner so I don’t think it’s wise to go to the hospital.#like girl?? what???#suicidality tw#tw suicidality#suicide mention#suicide tw#tw suicide#all the trigger tags cause this post is pretty graphic lol#but anyway I’m totally safe now#wouldn’t want anyone to worry if you’re the type to worry about this#:-)
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nobodybetterlookatme · 6 months
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Would love to know why my body has suddenly decided that it's okay to give up on trying to function when it's actually super not okay
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nameishname · 2 years
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man the thing that always gets me the most about transformers is when they know each other by name. Like,, sure it hurts when they do because they knew each other pre war. But really when it's like,,, knowing someone by name because you've fought each other so many times in so many battles all during the same unending war that you know this person. Like, sometimes it's even more than just knowing their name sometimes you know this person. The characters that have playful relationships with each other that met for the first time on the battlefield. That are actively trying to kill each other, but will be sad about it and miss them when the other is gone. The ones that bond in unlikely situations just to go back to fighting as soon as the dust settles. Sometimes it's even at a time where the war has lost its point or contradicts what they were even fighting for in the first place. Where they're literally doomed to fight into extinction or.. stop. But they don't stop. Like, idk... The autobots and decepticons pretty much always end up fighting for an amount of time so large it's literally inconceivable. And at the end there's often so few of them left, and they mostly all know each other intimately and by name and like,,,
Idk this is really rambly and I'm having a bit of trouble articulating but sometimes I really stop and think about how many of them know each other specifically through fighting and it gets to me a little bit
#kalla's ramblin#like#the tragedy of cybertronians always runs so deep#like idk it's hard to articulate#it just plays over and over in my mind like 'they know each other. they met during the war and they know each other'#maccadam#like even when they're fighting for nothing#their world is ending#they're going extinct#they hate so much and they're making friends and they hate their friends but they love their friends#they get stuck in a cave and team up and joke and get really close and help each other get out before parting ways#they meet on the battlefield cybertron is dead cybertronians are dying#they share a sad smile as they kill each other in the name of something that doesn't exist anymore#they KNOW each other#I don't--#aaa transformers is so sad man like#what happens when you fight for change and it never ends#what happens when you fight so long the thing you were fighting for doesn't exist#what happens when your war outlasts civilizations and sees the birth and death of planets and you were there from the start#what happens when your war outlasts the cause but you keep fighting because if you stop now what's the point#and almost all of them are doing this#when they hate each other for nothing but they know they hate each other#they hate each other to the point of ending their entire existence but then they don't even hate each other#idk like#'they know each other' means more than what I'm saying but I don't know HOW to say what I'm saying#they hate each other and they love each other and they know each other#dear god#a point when 'kalla's ramblin' really really means what it says hhhhhhhhh
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tortademaracuya · 11 months
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Yall gonna have to put up with me reblogging the shit out of genshin because i have had this thang haunting me for a year
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bo0zey · 2 years
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i’m a plague to everyone’s life i ever come in contact with
#selfish stupid girl selfish stupid girl#ruin every friendship you have nobody loves you or cares anymore they never really did why would they#everyone knew all along u were never something worth caring for.#i’m a plague i need to be eradicated everything about me is poisonous and venomous#all i do is hurt people even if i never intended to i still always do it to everyone im so tired of being me#’m so tired of being an awful person. i say i want to love and care about people but i can’t do it right#i say i love everyone in my life more than they love me but maybe it’s not true because you don’t hurt the people you love#i wish it was 5 years later and i could die already im so sick of myself i’m a plague to my own life#ngl almost passing out at riot fest kinda opened my eyes more to death#after the bouts of nausea and dyspnea and everything suddenly got soft and fuzzy and far away#all i could feel was empty space around me buzzing softly my body felt so light#i closed my eyes and saw purple and blue stage lights flashing and blurring above me. i felt like i was high the world was so far away#it was just me and i couldn’t support this airy weak body i felt like licorice i wobbled i think#it felt like hours time was so still and then the colors disappeared and all i saw was fuzzy black faded television screen#then i opened my eyes and saw security directly in front of me reaching towards me and then blinked and it was black again#opened my eyes and realized i was being pulled over the barrier#i was still in a hazy state but it slowly lifted enough for me to feel shame again and be able to walk myself to the medical tent#i wish security hadn’t pulled me out. i wish i could’ve died then . those seconds that felt like hours thst felt like i was dying.#there was no pain or nausea anymore. no gasping for air. i felt like an angel#i’m so sleepy i’m going to sleep now i guess#can barely keep my eyes open it feels so good to check out of existence#ramblings
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moxie-girl · 1 year
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having an ena shinonome kinnie moment rn (posted a piece of art that got 3 likes and am abt to snap bc of it)
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orallech · 1 year
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I fight through the depths of the underworld and kill this grouchy ass old man to get up here 7 times to have a like 30 min convo and then die infront of you, persephone. SO you me and dad are SORTING this shit out the next time my ass is up here and we better do it QUICK cause it’s taken me like 2 and half years for me to finally come back to this game and finish it!!! “The feelings we shared….they fade over time” GIRL I’ve been killing your man dead everytime I get up heerreee he’s been fighting me tooth and nail to protect you in his own rude way. YOU are KILLING meee!! He’s had his fucking idk what you call it….his big square cloth he wears in a mega twist since you left so we gotta sort this out NOW.
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