I am such. a mother. fucking. grumpus. I want to smash things. I could kill a health insurance exec with my bare hands. I could bite their throats out
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i started reading this fucking out of character thick of it fanfic like a week ago bc even tho i could tell from first glance it was going to be ooc i was just curious and it sounded kind of funny slash tragic. (how are you tagging grief child death domestic violence attempted suicide on a ttoi fic hello?) and i dooo like complaining And for the most part if it weren't supposed to be about those guys it would just be pretty good so im not Regretting it? but i didn't realise how many stories were in the series and im probably 150k words in. and not much more than halfway through
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for real though that post is so true on the love front i think about it all the time like why is everyone so LOVELESS not even just in like cishetero marriages where they hate each other just in general like platonic too. it drives me craaazy when im exposed to it like why are ppl like this !! why dont you love your friends and partner!! its like everything is a social game that theyre playing just for validation and lacking real connection and its a game where theyre always about 2 steps away from being bitter and hateful towards their friends/lover like STOOOOP! im someone who values love and kindness so much and it baffles me. why do you hate your partner! why do you talk about them like theyre an object of validation! why are you dating someone you clearly dislike! why are u so mean to ur friends behind their backs im cryin. why do you up and abandon them the second you get a partner bc you dont value them over the romantic validation you get. ive always been such an affectionate person at heart and i value what my friends say so much and i always find myself feeling so distant from people in relationships because they just feel?? so shallow?? and distant from me. like i think oh this preson gets me but theres ppl who say the same things how they value kindness and love but its always like, immediately clear they are actually a deeply mean person and just enjoy feeling like theyre 'good'. the way society functions with relationships feels so intensely shallow and i cannot connect to it at all. i love my friends and i love people and i always want to understand them and reach out with compassion and be close to them physically and emotionally speaking and talk a lot and listen to them. however im cursed to live in a world of 1 word responses if any at all and shallow relationships where no one gaf about each other and then i get told i talk too much. hello? *tapping mic* hello? is this thing on? be filled with whimsy and love going forward please. anyway does anyone else feel this way or is it just me feel free to talk about it if youd like
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I find it genuinely hilarious how many signs there were pointing to us being a system from ages ago... As the host whos been here the longest I'm surprised I didn't look into it sooner, like I SERIOUSLY wondered on MORE THAN TWO SEPERATE OCCASIONS as a teen whether I had DID, but brushed it off both times because I thought "oh I'm not traumatised enough" and "you have to experience blackouts and time jumps and I haven't so I can't" (spoiler alert, I definitely was incredibly traumatised and I definitley have had blackouts before but even then I didn't know that those weren't fully necessary for a diagnosis).
And this is without getting into "my" love of any media that involved characters with alter egos, "multiple personalities", etc. Like I LOVED the Jekyll and Hyde musical when I found it, my favourite Total Drama character was Mike (the one with DID but like. when people still knew it as MPD. also he wasnt the best rep lol), I loved the Markiplier and Jacksepticeye egos, for a short time I was into Sander Sides, I had full on "characters" that were "aspects of my personality" but also next to them was just. My actual sona? Completely seperate from them, which actually represented me?
I just really thought I liked media with alternate egos/personalities but methinks the call was coming from inside the house sdjshsnsjsbdjdb
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