#Effectively

[borderlinereminders]

Effectively

I've received a couple asks about this so I want to talk about this! When we talk about effectiveness, we are referring to approaching a situation in the way which is most effective, and not necessarily what's fair or anything like that. It refers to stepping back from the situation to look at what works instead of focusing on being right.

This can apply in relationships, and general social interactions.

It would be so nice if things were always fair, but it isn't the world that we live in, and sometimes we need to adapt to get the best results we can or to prevent unwanted consequences.

Even if the other person is completely in the wrong, sometimes you need to step back and look at the consequences of the situation. Like if you're at your job, and dealing with an irate customer, screaming at them might feel validating but it could cost you your job. Should they be being rude to you? Of course not, but the fact is that we can't control other people's behaviour. We can only control our own. In this case, acting effectively would be doing what's needed to defuse the situation, and move them along. In some cases, you can do this by referring them to your manager but sometimes you are stuck making the painful decision of letting something go to placate the situation for your safety and/or well-being.

Another example of this is maybe you're driving down the road, and a car is trying to cut you off. You know they're in the wrong. You have the right of way and they're being obnoxious, but the safest course of action is to brake and let them in rather than risking an accident.

Sometimes it's relevant in situations with a loved one. Maybe you have conflicting needs like for example one of you is avoidant while the other one is the exact opposite. In situations like this, it's important to find compromises where ever possible. I had a friend who was really insecure when I wouldn't reply to her messages right away, and it was exhausting for me. We had disagreements over it. I felt like it was my right to have space when I needed it, and she felt like it wasn't fair to her because of her anxiety. Over time, we found a compromise. If I am too drained to respond to her messages, and it's carrying on longer than 24 hours, I send her an emoji that says "I still love you. I just can't talk right now." This has prevented disagreements and helps both of us foster a healthy relationship with each other.

A skill I find that helps with me with effectiveness is Radical Acceptance. In order to get through a situation, I learn to accept it. And it doesn't mean I am approving or saying the other person is right, but it helps me get through the situation to get the best results.

Please don't take this as you should always cave to people. That's not the point of the skill. It is important to have your boundaries, but part of the point of this skill is to help figure out whether it's the time for you to stand up for yourself by looking at the consequences of either action. Sometimes I allow smaller, less important things go to preserve a relationship but I dig in when something is threatening to compromise my morals or well-being. I weigh the consequences of making it my hill to die on with accepting it and letting it go. (The Pros & Cons skill can be helpful for me here!)

[bigassbowlingballhead]

It’s very silly. But this is the longest I’ve done anything consistently and I’m very proud of myself

[appendectomy]

it’s so hard being a hannibal fan in the fandoms pace while disliking the murder family dynamic… like srry i think it’s a fundamental misunderstanding of abigail’s role in the show. as if it’s my fault.

[onewomancitadel]

A forbidden love where they are actually perfect for each other in every way is my personal brand of crack, actually

[kelvintimeline]

i have one ep of severance left! i like it... although i will say... it feels very... familiar? something about the cinematography and tone just feels very... rote? which is intentional on some level but it does make me feel like i've seen it before, only now it's a(n anti-)corporate take on the same skeleton

[cc-zerozero-ff]

I love it when this happens. Back when Robin was announced for Smash, four people messaged me across multiple apps, including an actual phone call, just to be sure I was aware. I feel so loved.

[leebrontide]

Ok so my kid had an ear infection, right? As kids often do.

The doctor scraped out a bit of earwax to have a better look inside.

I was sent a bill for $200 PER EAR for this 5 second procedure which I did not give permission for them to do.

That was key- they did not ASK me if they could do this "procedure". And, as I OWN a medical practice (it's me. The medical practice is me, sitting in my house on video calls) I knew to call them when this bill came in to be like "You did not obtain informed consent for this procedure, and it was not en emergency procedure. You had full ability to gain my consent and didn't. I'm not paying."

And the massive hospital who owned the bill said "yuh-huh you do have to pay."

And I said "I own a practice. I know these laws. I do not owe you money for this."

And they conducted an "internal review" and SURPRISE! Decided I totally owed them money and they had never done anything wrong ever.

And so I called my state's Attorney General office, and explained the situation because, as I mentioned, I know the law. The AG got in touch within a couple days to say they were taking the case and would send the massive hospital conglomerate a knock it off, guys letter.

Lo and Behold, today I have a letter where said hospital graciously has agreed to forfeit the payment.

"How not to get screwed over by companies" should be part of civics class.

Know your rights and know who to call when they're infringed on. This whole process cost me $0 and honestly less effort than I would have expected.

May this knowledge find its way to someone else who can use it.

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

that article going around abt firefox's new ad program is annoying bc it's phrased as though "mozilla has finally TURNED on its people and is SELLING YOU OUT for cold hard cash!!" when. that's not what's happening. it is specifically being implemented to discourage tracking behavior, and literally all the data they are giving to advertisers is aggregate and anonymized, which is like, the opposite of what that post wants you to worry about, lol

[jeejyboard]

i thinkit would be cool if there was an omegaverse but for salmon instead of wolves. Like when the time comes certain members of society get really juicy musclewise and get yiffy fangs and are suddenly compelled to return to the neighborhood they grew up in and 96 hours later show up barefoot in full starvation mode and ravaged by walking through interstate traffic to fuck whoevwr smells the best in the local burger king. Then afterwards they die and disintegrate to be eaten by seagulls in the parking lot

[goldensunset]

advice i think we should tell children is that when adults say stuff like ‘now that i’m an adult i get really excited about stuff like coffee tables and bathrooms and rugs etc’ they don’t mean ‘and now i don’t care about blorbo and squimbus from my childhood tv shows anymore’ bc your average adult still loves all the same pop culture stuff they always did; they just have a greater appreciation for the mundane as well. growing up just means you can enjoy life twice as much now. you can get really excited about a new stuffed animal AND about a new kitchen sponge. peace and love

[zytes]

this manatee looks like it’s in a skyrim loading screen

[infectiouspiss]

"i won't do polyamory because i don't think it's for me and i'm personally uncomfortable with the idea" <- wonderful i love you live your life however you want youre amazing youre incredible

"i won't do polyamory because it's wrong/it's just cheating" incorrect i'm killing you then my boyfriend is killing you then his boyfriend is killing you then his boyfriend is killing you then his boyfriend is killing you then h

[wasabi-gumdrop]

local ladies man’s signature move totally useless against autistic monster enthusiast. more on Kabru’s fumble era at 6

[walkingdeads]

Both kinds of Bioware girls got a lot of rep at the 2024 VMAs

[kelocitta]

Small artists you need to understand that when you see an artist who you think has 'made it' tells you not to worry about the numbers and to not fret about getting more likes than reblogs they are not telling you it because they think you are stupid for caring or because they dont need to network to survive they are very likely telling you that because they have witnessed first hand the way the numbers game tears people to shreds in terms of mental health and motivation

[sniperct]

If true we HAVE to make this the biggest flop in gaming history, as in 'destroys the company' levels of gaming flop as in a 'lesson must be taught' gaming flop, as in 'E.T. destroyed atari' gaming flop