#Ellie is healing inside her core

[yourlocalcorviddad]

Saw a post about Danny calling Dani his little Comet, this one, and then I had an idea to and mix it with a favourite Hozier song, Work Song. Feel free to add or whatever if it strikes you!

-

"Ah, shh, shh little Comet, it's ok, I've got you."

The attempt at keeping his voice steady didn't really work, but he was sure he was keeping a good hold on his emotions at least, since Ellie was calming down in his hold. It didn't mean he wasn't panicking inside at the situation but he was managing. He only had to make it a few more weeks before the others could come, then everything would be safe.

He got her settled in his bed, sleeping and calm now. He had a crib for her, and Jordan too eventually, but he couldn't really stand the thought of them to far. So bed it was.

Both clone and future self had been deaged due to the damage taken, done at Frostbite's direction to heal and better stabilise both. Jordan's injuries had come in defence of both him and Ellie, and, like a weird mirror, Ellie's from defending him and the injured Jordan when he was to weakened from injuries to fight. Ellie had just been deaged from it Dan, who he decided was going to be called Jordan too give himself some separateness, was reverted to his core. In an effort to protect and give him time to heal, he has him inside himself, next to his own core. He'd been warned it meant that Dan would likely take on more of being like his child than his future self, but he just wanted him alive, not like he didn't have the risk of it anyway, at least this time it was under his control.

There was no hope of returning to his dimension, it had been clear at that point, but they had been trying to free all the ghosts they could and get all liminal people and their family rounded up to safety before the GIW got to them. Danny, as the heir prince-until he was of age for the throne at 100-was sent ahead to bridge trust with another dimension, this one in fact, to see it they could bring their people, his people, there.

Clockwork and the Ancients and Observants worked with his parents and the others from town, and other liminality touched people, to get everyone into the ghost zone, which he had leaned also got called the Infinite Realms, safely and cut off that dimension from it.

Apparently that's what most magical creatures had done to that one anyway, long ago. He'd even met the descendents of the witches that had been hunted by, and thus placed the curse on, his family back when Amity was a village.

They'd lifted the, severely weakened by then but still present, curse after apologies were made and explanations done. It was a relief, even though it is likely what had even held him tethered to life enough to become a halfa at all, but he felt more at ease now without it.

All in all, it led him to where he was now though. A new world, a new set of rules, similar but still so different, and two kids that were essentially his.

The sudden crash outside his window on the alley side had him rushing over, ready to defend as best he could, still healing from the injuries in the last fight with the GIW, in case it was a villain attacking.

Only to pause at the sight of the, now likely unconscious, blue and black clad vigilante in the dumpster below.

"Fuck... Well can't leave him, who knows who'd find him there."

It took a bit of work, and mild use of his weak but still present powers, but he got him up stairs and into his apartment onto the, comfortable if he said so himself, couch.

Once there, he checked him over for injuries, careful not to take the domino off and keeping him as clothed as possible, but tending to his wounds as best possible. Doing so, he realised the other was probably only about 20-21, close to his age at least. It made him wonder how long the other had been a hero, and made a thought to ask later.

For now he settled in to make some food -that hopefully wouldn't accidentally come alive again-and keep an eye on his daughter and the hero.

[softdykellie]

ੈ✩‧₊˚ ivy | ellie w.

PAIRING: ellie x fem!reader

SUMMARY: although years have gone by, ellie cannot seem to get over the one that got away when a drunk night with friends lead to unexpected past places.

WARNING: somewhat nsfw and somewhat angst

WORD COUNT: 1.049

love, what’s it good for? a neurological con job, an excruciatingly slow but certain downwards spiral towards heartbreak– ellie was painfully aware of the sole two outcomes the feeling could possibly amount to, both of which meant agony ripping at her insides, a flesh eating beast doomed to haunt her ribcage as a lonely heart’s guard. she drowned out the sound of her cries permanently stuck in a lump between the clavicules with alcohol as though it would wipe her insides clean of romance’s remnants. five years was an eternity of time; she cursed the motherfucker who claimed time healed all wounds while hers remained too fresh for scabs. jesse was the one to pull her away from the destructive thoughts, a hand to the shoulder immediately flinched from.

“you know when we first became friends i lost a ten dollar bet ‘cause i was sure you’d be a fun drunk? two cups later you turned into fucking nietzsche or some shit. every time we go out just know i mourn my money”

ellie smirked in response before her body reminded itself why it has become that way.

eighteen year olds with raging hormones smuggling contraband to a half acquaintance’s garage party were the stupidest people allowed to carry hearts on their sleeve, always a truth or dare game away from confessing shakesperian feelings in stutters and chokeholds. your first kiss together was a seven minutes in heaven, where ellie swore she’d moved the empty bottle through newly acquired telekinesis.

she was cocky back then, careless too. entered the closet with a hand by your lowerback and so quickly crashed your lips together there was barely time to catch a breath. it was chapped, and desperate, and golden. she tasted of weed and every shooting star wish you ever made coming true, you tasted of cheap wine and candy rush on a five year old– your bodies pressed so close against eachother the wooden shelves trembled at the embrace. ellie used to be funny and you, god, you used to be made of giggles that put the sun to shame. she remembered your laugh into the kiss, the way it echoed down her throat, and that thought in its pureness lead to less holy memories of your moans, of how she used to rub herself against you till the wetness made you one, and her core ached. another sip of her drink to mask your taste still so effortlessly by her tongue through thought only she was sure to be going insane.

“you just need to get laid” jesse pointed out every attractive girl by the bar that drooled at her sight and blushed under her gaze, all predictable, none you. she wanted to get laid alright, she just needed it to be with you.

ellie remembered the last time you fucked; remembered the airport bathroom becoming increasingly smaller with every finger thrust, remembered whispering in your ear you would always be hers, remembered best of all you agreeing in hushed, choked out moans. you were late and you were wet dripping past your thighs, she licked you clean and savored it.

“found your little miss sunshine” dina struck her out of her thoughts so frantically ellie’s head spun even as she coaxed words to come out.

“what are you talking about?”

“her address. it’s wonders what one can do with a full name and the internet nowadays. it’s a five hour drive, if we get going now we’ll be there by two a.m for sure–“

“are you insane? what the fuck am i gonna do, ring my ex girlfriend’s doorbell at two in the morning half a decade after we last seen eachother and go hey i haven’t gotten over you since you left me five years ago to a new city, wanna get back together?” ellie mocked sincerely.

“i mean you don’t really have to do anything, we could always just stand there and think this whole thing was super funny tomorrow”

half a whiskey bottle in and two road trip! chants that coaxed the entire clueless bar of drunks to join in unknowingly later, it was a mostly convincing idea. that’s how she lost a hundred bucks to an unknown chatty bartender newly designated driver who had nothing to lose but a job shift and spent the next hours of her life being sobered up by dina’s relentlessly flirting towards the girl. ellie wasn’t sure when she had fallen asleep, only noticed jesse’s shoulder beneath her cheek poking her face as to wake her up once the car was at a full stop, anticipation bouncing off of every member of the drive choking her in anxiety now fully soberly aware of her actions.

the neighborhood was different, quiet, green. it was odd knowing your exact house despite never being close to it before– she knew by the garden, infested of dandelions. you called them the wishing flowers and teared up when ellie told you they were actually weeds. you two had planned a dandelion filled front porch together, and there you were, living it alone. she felt pathetic, letting the feeling sink to the pit of her stomach, refused to get out of the car and finally had her arguments interrupted by a loud meowing. and saw you. messy hair left to roam free, mismatched socks, an oversized band t-shirt, her t-shirt, and nothing else.

“joel” you cooed, raising the impatient and loud kitten up towards your arms and it nuzzled onto your tired face “you have to stop leaving in the middle of the night okay? i can’t keep waking up like this”

ellie was frozen in place, watching your every move. your baby voice so soft she barely heard it from parking, the softness of your touch melting even a cat into submission, the way you had not changed one bit immediately transporting her into the past. the spell she had been under to observe you endlessly having only been broken by the front seat window rolling open noisily, though not fast enough to stop the wreckage coming as dina opened her mouth, inconsequential.

“hey, miss sunshine! i got your ex girlfriend in the back!”

your eyes met. the kisses, the taste, the skin, the caressing, the warmth, the words, the foreheads, the flowers, everything rushed back.

“els?”

[tloubraininfection]

TW: SA and all things trauma

I`m so sick and tired at this point of all the violence talk around every move Ellie makes. Even in this episode when she`s is in the literal cage, fighting for her life, her violence is somehow bad? There is a literal monster about to r*pe and kill her, but it’s her violence that’s concerning? Yes, there is violence and there is pure rage in her actions, but what’s the alternative? If she never had a choice, how is this even about her character? Also why can’t she just rage? Especially when that rage is more than well-founded. Why does the fact that she rages and that is violent, out of necessity no less, determine who she is? We never really see her being violent for the sake of violence, it’s always self-defense, she`s not seeking it, she’s barely surviving it.

I hate that part when David says that she has a “violent heart” and Craig sits there nodding and affirming it (I really need to stop listening to the podcast and the inside). Because no she doesn’t. Her heart is kind, gentle, fiercely loyal and loving. That’s her core. The violence came from outside, its part of the world she had a misfortune to be born into. It’s the part that was forced upon her.

I hate how blatant and shameless of a set up it is. Second season is going to be a shitshow and when people start to complain the creators are just going to be like: “But the signs were always there look, see? She was violent from the very beginning” I hate that! She is not some blood thirsty monster waiting to emerge, never was. No matter how much the second game tried to convince us otherwise. They are actively retconning her whole character to fit whatever Ellie was turned into in the second game. Just so Neil can torture this character as she is forced to go through his little revenge fantasy. Why are they letting his do this again?

Also I see a disconcerting amount of posts saying things like “Ellie is traumatized forever”, “forever changed”, “she`s altered”, “never going to recover from this” etc. and I hate this. Because it’s not fucking true and it`s not how trauma works. Yes, it changes you and changes your life, but it`s not endless, its not incurable, its not forever stuck with you! Its just fucking not, there is a way to heal, to grow past it, to move on and to leave it behind. There is future free from it, so please stop telling people that it’s the end.

And more importantly stop telling people that trauma unlocks something monstruous in them, something vicious and cruel. It`s not only not true, its also fucking stupid and revictimizing for people who are already struggling.

I`ve spent a long long time unlearning calling myself a monster for surviving.  It should’ve killed me, yet I’m still alive, so what does that say about me? The answer is: it says I survived. Nothing more. Things happened to me and I survived them. But it takes time. Its blood, sweat and tears, but there is healing, there is light and there is life. So please, please stop telling people that their trauma defines them, because it doesn’t. Their resilience does, their courage does, their strength does and their vulnerability does.

And let girls and women rage, let them female rage and them human rage - there is a reason for it.

[morbid-zombii]

↻ ^. "oh, you want a bite mark?" [ellie williams/dina woodward]

content: shameless smut, top!dina, bottom!ellie, cunnilingus, fingering

wc:: 878

summary: basically what wouldve happened if jesse hadn't interuppted them at eugenes weed basement thing

notes: first fic (that i have posted, at least !!) and also cross posted on ao3(@/morbid_zombii)

Dina throws herself on top of Ellie, a teasing grin tugs at her expression as she pins Ellies hands besides her head gently.

"I told you a real fucking story." Dina states, looking down at Ellie.

The pair had been sharing the stories behind how they had earned their scars over the years. Dina told Ellie about how she had fallen on her knife while attempting to ride a skateboard, and Ellie revealed that the "chemical burn" covered by a tattoo on her arm was actually a healed bite mark from a runner she'd encountered when she was thirteen.

"I did tell you a real fucking story–!" Ellie insists through a breathless laugh.

But Dina isn't satisfied, of course, and refuses to believe Ellie's story. "Oh, you want a bite mark?" She raises her eyebrow, her tone playful as she continues to flirt with the girl below her.

"Wha—" Ellie tries to get words out, but is cut off by Dinas lips suddenly intertwined with her.

At first she's caught off-guard by Dinas actions, but after a moment she reciprocates the kiss, her hands wrapping around Dinas waist and pulling her closer.

After a moment, Dina draws her lips away from Ellies, instead she slides her mouth lower, nipping and sucking at her rough skin until she's reached her collarbone, marking her with a multitude of hickeys that would surely take some time to fade in her wake.

"Dina-" Ellie speaks, her voice low and raspy and filled with need as her head dips back, the feeling of Dinas mouth working relentlessly to mark her is almost entirely overwhelming as desire unfurls from somewhere deep inside her core.

"Hm?" Dina hums in return, pulling her mouth away momentarily to focus on Ellie.

"I need you." Ellie states simply, looking up at Dina with eyes sparked full of desire. God, what this woman does to her..

Dina grins arrogantly, feeling rather full of her self as she saw the way her actions had effected Ellie. Needing no further instruction, she lowers her head down, and slips the fabric of Ellies white underwear down her legs and tosses them aside once they're off completely.

Dina drags her tounge along Ellies wetness, moving repeatedly in slow, circular motions against her already throbbing clit like a woman starved. She relishes in the sounds of Ellies moans as they fill the room, only encouraging her actions further as she slips her middle and index fingers inside, curling them in and out against Ellies inner walls.

"Oh, fuck, Dina.." Ellie moans, her body jolting due to the waves of pleasure coursing through her body. She clenches around Dinas fingers repeatedly, and mindlessly arches her back to help her reach deeper.

"You sound fucking beautiful right now, y'know that?" Dina asks, although she clearly doesn't expect an answer as she brings her head back down to focus on Ellies core, which earns her another sharp moan from Ellie.

Ellie squeezes her legs around Dinas head, but Dina easily uses her hands to keep them open, continuing to work her tounge on Ellies wetness.

Ellie arches her back off the dilapidated couch, her eyes shutting as she enjoys the sensations taking over her and eventually her hands find their way to Dinas hair, running her fingertips through it mindlessly.

"Enjoying yourself up there?" Dina taunts playfully as she feels Ellies hands toying with her hair.

"Mmm." Is the only response Ellie can muster out, too focused on the way Dina expertly works her tounge on her, and the way her fingers curl in and out of her wet heat, repeatedly hitting the spot to make her moan almost entirely too loudly.

"Good. You look stunning from down here, babe." Dina praises, looking up at Ellie with eyes filled with pure awe. "God, what did I do to deserve such a perfect girlfriend?"

Jesus Christ, does she have any idea what she's doing to her? Honestly, Dina could make Ellie come from just her words alone, if she really wanted to.

But after a while of Dinas minsitrations and praise, Ellies legs begin to shake more rapidly, her moans becoming more frequent, louder, and Dina can already tell that Ellie is close as she focuses her full attention on working her mouth and thrusting her fingers in and out of her.

"Fuck, Dina I-" But Dina cuts her off, predicting exactly what she's going to say.

"Go on babe, come for me." Dina instructs, and only a moment later, Ellie lets out a sharp cry as she reaches her peak, her entire body trembling as she does so.

Once her trembles finally subside, she lay a boneless heap on the couch, Dina laying against Ellies chest listening to her heart beat and her breathing slow down as she comes down from her high.

Eventually, Dina sits up, bringing her lips to Ellies' and planting a kiss on them before pulling away slightly, Dinas eyes searching the others.

"So.." Dina starts after a moment of comfortable silence, dragging out the word. Ellie looks up at her, confused.

"Yeah?" Ellie asks, quirking up her eyebrow.

"Ready to tell me a real story this time?" She questions sarcastically, and Ellie can't help but grin, rolling her eyes at Dinas comment.

[actual-changeling]

To maybe add onto this post a little bit because I feel like this is something a lot of people who aren't really deeply informed on mental health and/or trauma might not know.

There is four different survival responses: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. The first two are obviously well known but the other two aren't, however especially fawn is dangerous if it goes unrecognized.

I see people write fics in which Ellie goes from fight or flight straight into fawn and it is portrayed as good and healing, meanwhile she is just stuck in a different trauma response. It's just as unhelpful and just as harmful.

The fawn response is focused around appeasing people and keeping everyone else happy because your brain and body tell you that this is how you keep yourself safe. You disregard your emotions, feelings, boundaries, needs, everything in order to make the people around you like you, especially the one you register as a threat. For example, if you are stuck in survival mode and you get into a small, not dangerous fight with someone, your brain will see this as an immediate threat to your safety and slip into the fawning (in this case). You will ignore your own stance on the topic and take the blame for the fight/the problem, you will appease them and give up your position and take on theirs to make them happy and calm again. People very often apologize for things that are not their fault because it is safer to be blamed in a way you can control (and makes the other person less actively aggressive) rather than be stuck in a fight you have zero control over.

We do actually see Ellie fawning in episode nine, she is not only incredibly dissociated but the way she talks is timid and soft, she also apologizes for not being present when Joel points it out (kudos to him for saying "no it's okay" instead of playing into it). If you do not know what to look for, that moment might not mean anything, but it's a textbook fawn response.

Why am I telling you all this? Because writing Ellie as becoming incredibly obedient and "calmer" in how she responds to rules and expectations is a) not true to who she is as a character and b) actively exacerbates her fawn response and reinforces the beliefs and core assumptions of her CPTSD. Fawning means the people around you do not see your trauma anymore/it stops inconveniencing them, so on the outside they think it's great! Look, they're no longer being aggressive or irritable, this must mean they're getting better, right? But then you look at the person and they're terrified to death of upsetting someone and disregard their needs to make everyone else happy and that is the opposite of getting better.

So please, if you write about Ellie recovering from what she has been through keep in mind that there is more than one way to react to trauma and responses that look fine on the outside are usually *not* fine on the inside. Don't just push her from one survival mode into another one because it's more convenient for you, actually put in the work and make her process it, see where she actually ends up once can break out of it.

[starlessskies94]

If I Ever Were To Lose You (Joel & Ellie)

A/N: This one has been in my drafts for way too long, but i finally had the motivation to finish it. I hope you like it. This is obviously based on the flashback finding strings but I've tweak it to make it take place after Joel's attack with the fireflies Enjoy!!

What makes a dad? Ellie wasn't really sure. She'd never known her own father; he had already passed before she was even born. Then again she didn't know much about having a mom either. The closest she'd gotten to that was Marlene, and even then the woman didn't exactly have the best maternal instincts. She'd said so herself when Ellie had found herself bitten, immune and with nowhere else to go.

She figured Joel was kinda like a dad. But she'd never called him that. Joel was just...Joel. Right?

He did do dad stuff she supposed. He taught her how to shoot; how to craft weapons on the road, how to swim, how to play guitar and a thousand other things she could go on listing. He always kept an eye out for more comics while on patrol or supply runs because he knew they were her favourite. Not to mention the best freaking birthday she'd ever experienced when she turned sixteen.

But then he had lied and she had been so angry. So betrayed and hurt by everything that he had done without her knowledge. Taking away any and all responsibility and choices that had rightfully been hers. In the two years the teen had distanced herself; she could still never bring herself to outright hate Joel for what he had done. There were days she'd sit alone, idle fingers strumming against the strings of her guitar and lose herself in thought.

A string of endless questions raced through her mind. But the one she was always left with was:

Did Joel regret what he had done?

She eventually got her answer that night on the porch. The night she'd finally had the strength to reach out and try to heal some of the wounds that now scarred their relationship. The night before she'd almost lost him for good.

The moment she realised just how stupid this whole fucking argument had been. She didn't need to remember what had happened that day. She relived it every time she slept, it was forever burned into her mind for eternity.

She'd wanted nothing more than to go after those fuckers for almost taking away the only family she had ever known; her anger and pain shaking her down to her core. Never feeling that kind of hate before to the point she was almost scared of how far she'd been willing to go in order to avenge Joel. It quickly brought her to the realisation that was exactly what he must've felt almost losing her. She'd hidden from it for so long...her denial rearing its head to block out the truth that for once there was actually someone who cared enough to stop at nothing to keep her safe.

After months of recovery she'd insisted on going on every patrol Joel was assigned to; there had been no argument from either Tommy or Maria. They understood. And even though Joel had joked that he didn't need to be babysat by the teenage girl; he'd secretly enjoyed being out on the road with her again. The two quickly falling back into their routine of watching each other's back and splitting up to look for supplies and possible stragglers. 

It had felt awkward at first; being out again. Finding their way to an old hotel after the road had collapsed; leaving their path blocked. Ellie had offered to crawl in through the small gap by the front door. Making it inside she was quick to take a quick sweep of the place before moving to unlock the door for Joel. She winced with narrowed eyes as the sunlight flooded through the door, greeted by Joel leaning against the doorway.

"Well hello," Ellie said with a smile.

"Howdy," Joel replied, waltzing in through the door. The teen stepped to the side as he walked past, taking a second to adjust his backpack.

"You impressed?" She asked smugly, but Joel just scoffed playfully. "Nope. You're just too skinny, you need to eat more."

Ellie just rolled her eyes and laughed, falling behind Joel's footsteps.

"Pssh...' Gee thanks kiddo, you're super helpful'." She imitated in her own version of Joel's Texan accent. "Oh yeah...no problem, you're welcome dad." She uttered under her breath, Joel paused at her words turning back towards her but she'd already darted into a room to check for supplies. He shuck it off as having misheard her as he moved into the hotel room adjacent to the one Ellie had disappeared into. He continued in his routine, checking the bedside table for supplies before moving across to the dresser, the wardrobe and then the bathroom. All of which had been picked clean. The two met up back in the hallway after coming up empty-handed, the older man looking around for a way to move further through the building.

He made his way towards an old vending machine that he noticed blocking a crumbling doorway.

"Ellie..." He called quietly catching the girl's attention. " I think I see a way through, but we got spores." Ellie nodded, both pulling their mask out of their backpacks. At one point there'd have been a conversation about her immunity but after everything that had happened, there were no more arguments. No more slip-ups. Ellie didn't even need to think as she pulled on her gas mask and followed Joel into the fog of spores. They continued on through the room, though it was difficult to see through the thickness of the fog. She followed closely behind as they both armed themselves. 

"You ever been in here before?" She asked quietly; "No, we just paroled the streets." He answered as he peered around the doorway before moving out into the hall. "Feeling like a bit of an oversight now." 

Maybe. Ellie thought. They both pushed on. Each taking opposite sides of the hallway, checking room after room. Until eventually the girl stumbled through a hole in a wall to find Joel kneeling by the body of a dead clicker. It had clearly been shot a while back. They had to wonder when the last patrol had come through the area, but given the state of the building and the amount of spores it was hard to tell. Moving on further into the building it brought them out into what looked like the old reception area of the hotel. And the all too familiar sound of infected caught their attention. 

"Ellie...c'mere."Joel whispered sharply as they approached the doors. The girl simply shrugged. "Well we are on patrol. Right?" She heard him sighed then saw him nod; as he pushed the door open before creeping in. "Okay. Let's take em' out." 

Even after years of hearing it; Ellie still hated the sound they made when they were killed. The gurgled gasps of the runners as their throats were cut, the ear-piercing shrill screeches of the clickers as their necks were broken. It was never something she wanted to get used to. She followed Joel's lead as he continued on, taking them out one by one. She did the same; just as he had taught her. Quick, quiet and clean. She wasted no time diving behind the bar as a runner clad with backpack and camping supplies ambled passed her, grunting to itself. This one had layers; it wouldn't be easy to get a hold of and kill quickly. She had to be smart. Moving swiftly she rounded around the bar and grabbed the runner's backpack and wrenched it backwards, flicking out her knife and driving into it's neck before it had a chance to growl out, alerting the others. Dragging the blade through the windpipe until it cut through to bone, Ellie let the runner flop to the floor dead. 

She heaved a breath of relief as her heart raced with adrenaline until it was struck with panic when she realised she'd lost sight of Joel. Hurrying through into the other room, she caught a glimpse of him putting down another runner but he hadn't noticed the clicker stumbling up behind him. "Dad! Behind you!" Ellie moved without a second thought; charging across the room with her gun in hand as she raised it and shot with no hesitation. Joel turned just in time the see his would-be attacker fall to the ground with a dull thud. A single bullet hole shot through it's deformed skull. "You okay? I think that's all of them." She said as she rushed over to check he was okay. He took a gulped breath that trembled for a second as he nodded. "I think so. Good job kiddo." 

"Yeah. You too." she smiled not wasting any time in walking ahead into the next room. Joel lingered taking a moment to think over what had just happened. She'd done it again. Hadn't she? She said it again without realising. Or maybe she'd said it on purpose. He wasn't sure. Joel shook his head as he dismissed it once again. No. He was certain he'd misheard again. He must have. Following Ellie through into the other room, they found themselves in the hotel gym. The older man slowing every few steps; his breath shallow and short. He was tired. It had been a long day and he found ever since gaining his injuries; he couldn't walk for long periods of time like he used too. The leg that had been shot was weakened now, it had healed though not thoroughly; muscles were damaged and his knee played up like all hell. And though most had told him it wasn't outright noticeable, he was certainly felt that he had been left with a slight limp afterwards. 

It wasn't long before Ellie noticed he was lagging behind as she stopped to give a moment to catch up."Hey...You good?" She asked with her brows creased in concern. But Joel being Joel just chuckled and shrugged the way he always did. "Other than being really old?" He asked nonchalantly. "Ain't nothing a solid night of sleep won't shake off." Ellie nodded, either satisfied with his answer or agreeing, he couldn't tell which. But he was in complete agreement when she voiced her want to leave the place. They'd run into enough trouble for the day. 

It was time to go home.  

After finally finding their way out of the remains of the hotel, it was already sundown. The low rays of the almost slumbering sun laying it head down to rest below the horizon, cast down a warm haze across the sky of red and orange hues. The colours were painted across the landscape, reflected in the pools of the nearby rivers and lakes. It was breathtaking to all who witnessed its beauty and Joel wasn't paying attention to any of it. His mind was too preoccupied with what Ellie had said. At first he'd dismissed it as mishearing but he was certain the second time he'd heard her right. It couldn't have been misheard as anything else. The words repeated endlessly on a loop in his mind as they headed back towards the horses. He could tell by the way Ellie kept glancing back at him that she could tell something was bothering him. 

Should he say something? Honestly Joel wasn't sure. It had taken some time to rebuild their relationship after everything that had happened. Expectedly it had been hard gaining her trust back, but they were getting better. She had become increasingly protective of him after his attack that had almost killed him. She'd never left his side while he recovered and then afterwards he couldn't remember the last time he'd been allowed to go out of town by himself. Always accompanied by either Ellie, Tommy or someone else. And he hadn't minded it, really he didn't. But to hear Ellie call him...that; it had thrown him, he couldn't lie. And yet surprisingly it hadn't bothered him either. Because when it came down to it; Ellie had called him dad. But Joel had also answered to it when she shouted it at him. He hadn't even thought about it. It had been instinct to react. Maybe- 

"Joel?" Ellie asked, in a way that suggested it hadn't been the first time she'd tried to get his attention. "Huh?" He uttered; still half distracted by his racing thoughts. "Are you okay? You seem...off." He couldn't help but laugh at her choice of words. Yeah he supposed he was spiralling just a little. To put it mildly. He glanced back at her as she watched him with inquisitive eyes. He took a moment before thinking to hell with it. And tried to take his time to find the right words. "Uh...back there...before...a couple times actually..." He was rambling he knew he was, but didn't know how to say the words he actually wanted to say out loud. What if he upset her? Again. Or she got embarrassed and apologised and swore never to say it ever again. If Joel had a knack for anything; it was saying the wrong thing apparently. "Are you having a stroke?" She said in jest. He just exhaled a laugh through his nose at the playful jab. "It's just...back there...you uh...you called me dad." There he'd said it. Now Ellie could yell at him and he could kick himself all the way back to Jackson for ever starting this conversation. Instead Ellie pulled nervously at her sleeves and suddenly found new fascination in her shoes. "Oh." She whispered as her cheeks blushed. "Yeah. Sorry." 

"No! No, don't apologise kiddo. It's fine. I'm not mad or anything." He said the words so quickly; he wasn't even sure they made sense, thankfully Ellie seemed to understand him. Or at least pretended to. "It's just...you kinda are like one right? And I never knew my real one...so...fuck, I made it weird...fucking idiot!" She chastised herself harshly but Joel wasn't about to let her beat herself up over this, he walked over towards her, grabbing her attention as she looked up at him with sadness and tears in her eyes. "It's okay kiddo...honestly...I'd be proud if you were my kid." he saw her eyes light up at the praise  and it made his heart ache that there was the possibility nobody had ever told Ellie that before. She was a good kid. And any parent would be proud to have raised someone as brave and smart as her. He rested a hand on her shoulder as he smiled down at her. "And if you want to...call me dad...sometimes...then..." He swallowed hard as he struggled to get his words out. He wasn't ashamed to admit; but his eyes were misting up too. "Then that's okay too." He croaked out as his voice broke. Ellie sniffled at his words and he felt the wind knocked out of him as she bumped into him with a hug. He could feel the damp patches on his shirt as she sniffled again against the tears that fell. But as he returned the hug, he felt lighter for the first time he had in years. These were tears of happiness. Of relief. 

"Come on kiddo, let's go home." 

[queen-of-deans-booty]

Trial and Error: Final Part

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2k

Warnings: canon angst and violence

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. Any and all comments on these are appreciated.

Sam and Dean put their glasses on, and you ignore the rush of pleasure that went straight to your core. Damn, both of them look really good with glasses on. They both leave, and you put yours on so you can see if the Hellhound is coming near the house or not. You walk to the window and look outside of it, but it's all clear.

"You sold your soul. Admit it," Cindy barks at her dad.

"Why the hell would you think that?"

"Because you're a walking corpse, and you're married to a centerfold. I did the math."

"She likes money, and I'm rich. Do it again. You sing like shit, so explain the music career."

"Hello? Auto tune!"

"Okay, shut the fuck up," you cut them all off, sick and tired of their bickering. "That's enough."

"Oh, is it four-eyes? Is it enough?"

Your eyes glow blue at her attitude, and she seems scared that your eyes are glowing.

"I don't know why you even think one of us made a deal," Noah says, and you pull your eyes away from Cindy.

"Because you struck oil where there was no oil. That doesn't seem weird to you?"

"Margie," Alice says quietly, struggling with the handcuffs. "Margie used to say that if we were rich, we'd all be happy."

"I need to take a leak."

"I can get a bottle for you."

"Ugh. You're disgusting," Cindy rolls her eyes.

You look out the window again and see the Hellhound run to where the big barn is. Sam and Dean are running after it. Alice, Noah, and Cindy aren't going anywhere, but just to be safe, you walk over to them in determination.

"What are you going to do to us?" Alice panics.

You touch her head and use your magic to place her into a sleep. Noah and Cindy are next so that if you leave, you know they won't go anywhere. With them out of the way, you quickly leave through the side door and rush over to the barn where Sam and Dean are. You push open the barn doors and see Dean lying on the ground with his glasses knocked off his head. Sam is lying in the middle of the barn with black blood all over him. The dead hellhound lays next to him with his inside cut open.

"I told you to stay inside."

"I did."

You rush over to Dean and heal him of his wounds, doing the same thing to Sam.

"It's Ellie. She made the deal," Dean sighs.

"Come on, let's go find her."

Sam shrugs off his jacket so that only the front of his white shirt is covered in the black blood. Ellie is scared beyond belief, but she has a long road ahead of her. This hellhound didn't complete his mission, so Crowley will just send another. If you give her a hex bag, then he won't know where to send the Hellhound. She is going to live the rest of her life in fear, but she made her bed, now she has to lie in it.

"What did you do with the Cassitys?" Dean asks you.

"A little knock out spell. They'll wake up soon, but we'll be long gone."

"So, what now?" Ellie asks.

"Now we make a hex bag, and you start running. If Crowley can't find you, then he won't be able to sic another mutt on you."

"So, I'm not going to hell?"

"If he doesn't catch you," you shrug. "Will you give us a minute?"

Ellie leaves, and you close the door to your bedroom. Joanna is still sleeping, but you try to be as quiet as you can.

"Dean, even if she can dodge Crowley, as soon as Ellie dies, her soul is earmarked for hell."

"Not if we shut it down first."

"Dean, Sam completed the trial. The spell won't work for you."

Dean doesn't listen to either of you as he tries to recite the spell. He has Sam's bloody jacket in his hands as if that will substitute him killing a Hellhound. When the spell doesn't work, he gets frustrated.

"Doesn't matter. We'll track down another Hellhound, and I'll kill it."

"No, you're not. I passed the test, and I'm doing the rest of them. I'm closing the gates of hell. It's a suicide mission for you."

"Sam--"

"I want to slam hell shut, too, but I want to survive it. I want to live, and so should you. Y/N is right. You have a wife and three children who need you. Hell, you even got your own room now. I see light at the end of this tunnel, and I'm sorry you don't. If you come with me, I can take you to it."

"Sam, be smart about this."

"I am smart, and so are you. You're not a grunt, Dean. You're a genius when it comes to lore, and you're the best damn hunter I have ever seen. Better than me, better than Y/N, and better than dad. I believe in you, Dean. So, please believe in me, too."

"He's right, Dean. You've spent your entire life taking care of us and putting our lives before your own. We're adults now. We're not thirteen anymore. It's our turn to take care of you."

Dean looks between you and Sam before giving in. He slaps the spell into Sam's hand and steps back. Sam immediately recites the spell, but this time, something does happen. He seems fine one minute, but in the next second, he is on his knees crying out in pain. Joanna wakes up, and you take her in your arms to let her know she is okay. Sam goes bug-eyed, twists around, and grunts in pain.

"Sammy? Sam!"

"Are you okay, Sam?" you ask.

"I'm good. I'm okay. I can do this," Sam gasps in pain.

It takes him a few seconds to calm down, and he is good to go. It's like nothing ever happened. With the Hellhound gone, and the hex bag in Ellie's possession, there is no need for you to stay here. It took twenty hours to get back home, and you're glad Zeus didn't wreck anything while you were gone.

He is excited to see you three back and follows you around since you have Joanna with you. He's become so protective over her, you're glad that she has him in her life. He is going to be a great dog to the other kids, you just know it.

"Okay, I am going to start the laundry now and then I am going to take a bath. Want to help me with the laundry, Joanna?"

"Yeah," she giggles.

You take her hand and bring her to the big laundry room where the dirty clothes are. Before you left, you had placed them inside the hamper to do when you got back. Everything you need is inside the laundry room, so you get right to work. There are already clean sheets inside the small basket on the ground, so Joanna climbs into it and gets comfortable.

"I'm glad you found comfort," you say and begin to place them into the washer.

You turn on the water and grab the detergent, pouring the right amount inside. You bend down to grab a handful of clothes, and when you stand up straight, something in the air shifts. You know she is there without having seen her. You can feel her staring at you, and the longer she does, the more your head hurts.

You moan in pain and grip the sides of the washer machine tightly, squeezing your eyes tightly.

"Mama?"

"Mama's okay, baby." You take a few deep breaths and straight up, looking to you right. Amara is leaning against the wall where Joanna is, but she makes no move to acknowledge her. "Please, stop whatever you're doing to me, Amara. My kids mean everything to me. You need to stop."

"I'm not doing anything."

She approaches you and places her hand on your shoulder, and that's when all hell breaks loose for you. The headache you have now is even worse than the one you got at the Cassity home. Your head is spinning, and black spots appear in your vision. You immediately back away from her, and your foot gets caught with your other one. You almost fall, but you steady yourself with the wall.

"I have a family, Amara. I have to look after them," you whimper. "My twins need to be born. You need to stop."

"I'm sorry. It has to be this way," she says sadly.

Your entire world is spinning on its axle, and if you don't tell someone soon, you believe something bad will happen. You have to get to Dean. He'll know what to do. You take one step, but that was your mistake. You trip over your own feet and go crashing to the ground.

You hit your head on the corner of the dryer, and your stomach bangs on the side of the open washer door. Joanna looks around but doesn't see Amara. She stares at your unmoving body before getting up and walking over to you.

"Mama, wake up," she says and moves your shoulders. She quickly turns and runs out of the laundry room in search of her dad. "Daddy! Daddy!"

Sam and Dean are in the library looking through the books when Dean hears his daughter call for him. Joanna runs into the library, and he scoops her up in his arms.

"What's up, baby? Where's mama."

"Mama fell," she says and touches her head. "Owie."

"What?" Dean immediately passes Joanna off to Sam who takes her. Dean takes off running to the laundry room where he finds your unconscious body on the ground. "Y/N! Shit." He checks for a pulse, and you do have one, but you're not waking up. "Sammy! Start the car!" Dean scoops you up bridal style and rushes out of the laundry room. "You better wake up. You better be okay."

Nothing else is on his mind but you and his children, and if you're going to make it.

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[elflikesfrogs]

Elven System

I recently got diagnosed with OSDD, so here is a little info post about it. (Forgive me if I get some of the terminology wrong, I'm new to this!)

I am a 4-part age regression system. We are all memory-sharers, but hold different responsibilities/personalities. We are also all autistic, but showcase symptoms differently.

I tag some, but not all, posts with the alter's name, especially if it's specific to them and their interests.

Here is a little introduction to the alters.

posts about the system (usually jokes/memes)

Elf

20 years old currently. They/them. Host/core.

Elf is the host alter, so they are almost always fronting or co-fronting. They are in the process of emotional healing (which is how they found out about their OSDD in the first place!!). They hold most of the body/society responsibilities (eating, going to class/work, etc). They like writing and art. Most of this blog is from their POV, so I won't usually tag them.

Sam

14 years old. He/him.

Sam is the trauma holder and harbors a lot of anger as well. He uses humor as a coping mechanism. He is also very into music, with his favorite band being Twenty One Pilots (blurryface/trench era specifically), though he also likes folk punk, alt, and hard rock. He is transmasc. Sam fronts when the other alters are stressed or tired. He's sort of like the protector I think? He's a pretty cool guy, if perpetually tired. He's the only(ish) alter in the system to have romantic desires, and he mainly likes men/masc folks. Resting bitch face type autism, but mainly just wants to listen to music and vibe.

#sam tag

Ellie

6-8 years old. She/her.

Ellie is the innocent one of the system. She is the most outwardly noticeable personality change; she speaks in a "baby voice" and her neutral expression is different from the other alters'. She cannot mask autism worth shit, so she is constantly stimming vocally or physically. She's usually very excited and happy, though she sometimes fronts when other alters are overstimulated and can take on that anxiety. She is always ready to infodump about anything and everything, especially our special interests. She loves typical "kid's stuff" like stuffed animals, dinosaur chicken nuggets, etc. The rest of the system is very protective of her and will not let her front unless they all feel that it is safe for her to do so.

#ellie tag

Dog

????. It/its.

We started calling it Dog as a joke ("I got that dawg in me") and then the name kinda stuck. Dog rarely fronts and is in the background mostly. It's a "thing" alter, representative of the space in between alters, kind of when we're dissociating and don't really feel like a person/having a body. It's basically like a rabid animal, like those reaction image stick figures covered in blood, basically. It holds all the "nonhuman" emotions/feelings, sort of the instinctual stuff if that makes sense. Dog basically goes batshit over stuff that it's interested in, and is the "source" of hyperfixations. There's also like an inside joke between the alters that Dog is the source of songs getting stuck in our head, because it's just constantly playing music.

#dog tag (haha get it...)

If you have any questions, please feel free to comment, DM, or send in an ask! As long as you're respectful, we won't be offended. I'm going to be editing this post with new info sometimes (and possibly collages to represent the alter's interests?).

[blog-sliverofjade]

Of Doms & Subs 19: The End is Just the Beginning

Pairing: Angus Hopper x OFC

Summary:  What’s a submissive female to do when she fights her nature and goes on the run as a Lone wolf to avoid being assimilated into a pack?

Word count: 2213

Of Doms & Subs Master List

Ellie anticipated a panic attack.  It had been some time since she’d been underneath a man, and she expected to feel trapped as she had so often with Will.  Maybe it was because there wasn’t much difference in their sizes but was more likely due to the fact that he was the polar opposite of Will.  Unlike her ex-husband, he’d shown his teeth from the very beginning.  Was that only four days ago?  Her wolf didn’t care; she’d found their mate.  She let herself settle into that easy bliss and release her human hang-ups, if only for a little while.

Mickayla had warned her that her sex drive would crank up to 11, but no warning in the world could have prepared her for this.  A few minutes of a semi-naked make out session and her body felt wound to the breaking point.  Heat washed over her like waves lapping at a shore.  Excitement, wonder, and love burst inside her, deliciously sharpened by a hint of fear.  The kind of adrenaline charged fear she felt when free climbing, knowing that no anchor kept her from falling.  Only she wanted to dive off the precipice she teetered on and fly.

She disentangled her leg from his to cradle him between her thighs.  Even through their underwear and his pants, he undoubtedly felt how damp her panties were.  Though she was too far gone to feel embarrassed.  A button on his shirt scraped against a nipple and her breath caught.  Angus released her mouth and she nearly whined at the loss.  The usual sternness dominating his features had melted away and he appeared vulnerable for the first time, soft even.  His thumb brushed over her swollen bottom lip.  She caught his wrist to press a kiss to his palm, which made him smile.

Cupping the side of her neck, Angus turned his attention to her breasts, heaving as she panted.  The white mounds moulded easily to his hand even as they overfilled it; he lowered his head to a pert nipple that was practically sitting up and begging for attention.  She jerked towards him as if a jolt of electricity shot through her.  He licked and laved the rosy bud to a stiff peak and then moved to the next one.

When she settled again, he slipped a hand between her legs and brushed her clit.  Her back bowed at the light touch.  When did she become so sensitive?  Was it the werewolf thing?  Or was it because it’d been so long?  He dipped a finger into her slick petals.  Oh God, she was dripping.  Her hips tried to follow him on the withdrawal.  The need painted across her face resembled a grimace of pain.  He stilled and pulled back to look at her.

“Are you all right, mo cridhe?”  The hand on her neck moved to stroke her hair.

“Yes!” cried Ellie, squirming around his finger.

“Are you certain?  We can stop.”  Angus began to withdraw, but she gripped his wrist with supernatural strength, keeping him within her walls.

“Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing,” she panted.

“Oh?  What am I doing?”  The hunger on his face was at complete odds with his innocent tone.

“You’re trying to give me an out,” she scowled.

“Well then, while we’re on the subject,” his dark eyes were lit with his sly humour that she was learning how to read, “Do you want this?  Because I swear to God I’ll not stop until your legs are quivering and the neighbours are very well aware of my name, to say nothing of the pack.”  She bit her lip, torn between arousal and mortification.  His finger shifted ever so slightly and either she’d closed her eyes or her vision had short-circuited due to the pleasure from the minute movement.

“If you stop, I will bite you,” she hissed, glaring up at him.

“That’s hardly a deterrent.”  The gleam in his bottomless eyes filled her mind’s eye with flashes of fangs and entwined bodies that had her tossing her head back, exposing her throat.  He nipped at the velvety flesh and she thrashed under the overwhelming pleasure that washed through her, whining softly.  He smiled into her pulse point and added another digit, crooking them and beginning to pump in and out.  The knot low in her belly wound tighter and tighter.  She gasped when he hit one spot in particular.

“Ah, there we are,” he whispered in a voice like dark chocolate and velvet.  Rocking on his hand, she gripped one of his shoulders like it was a lifeline, nails digging into his skin through the shirt.

Her silken walls fluttered around his fingers and her mewls grew louder.  He and his wolf were one in their smugness.  Her reactions made him wonder if her ex had ever seen to her satisfaction.  The thought that he would be the one to give her such pleasure had him grinning ferally.

“Tha gaol agam ort, m'eudail.”  Long ago, he’d taught himself to use his voice like a tool: he could crack it like a whip or light fires in people’s hearts.  Or he could intimately caress someone.  She’d seemed particularly affected by it, especially when she first submitted to him.  The carpet still smelled like her.  “Cum for me, a leanbh.”

There was no need to draw upon his dominance, even if he was willing to use it in bedroom games.  He curved his fingers again and she bowed off the bed with a scream that only died out when she ran out of breath, but her orgasm continued, drawn out by his deft hand.  Blunt fingernails dug into his thigh.  Though they would heal in moments, he purred internally at the possessiveness of it.  In turn, he bit the juncture of her neck and shoulder, almost breaking the skin, but not quite.  He laved at the small hurt as she came down, his strokes slowing.

Sitting up, Angus drank in her ample curves, her arms flung around her head, and unbuttoned his shirt.  She drew one leg up so she could turn and ogled him in kind from a better angle.  He stood and reached for his belt; white teeth nibbled a slick, pink lip.  The way she watched him, as if in need, was a seduction unto itself.  A faint clink of the pants falling to the floor and he was nude before her.

Werewolves quickly learned to shed any discomfort they had with nudity, but pink still spread across Ellie’s face, slackened in awe.  He smiled with certain amount of male satisfaction in knowing that she was with him because she wanted to be, and not because she wanted to jump the hierarchy.  Knowing that she worried about the pack and for him, even challenging his arguments, filled him with a pride and admiration.

“Hmm, I’m not terribly familiar with the mating habits of wolves.”  Her voice was husky from screaming and hunger.  “But how long are we supposed to stare at each other?”

“You’re going to have to learn to watch that mouth,” he rumbled and slunk across the bed with eyes that glowed wolf.

“Oh?”  The shape of said mouth as she formed the sound made him wonder if she would manage such arch coyness if that same mouth was wrapped around his cock.  In reply, he sank his teeth into her bottom lip, lapping at the crimson beads that welled up.

“You bit me.”  If she was trying for indignation, her tone was far too breathy to be effective.

“You threatened to bite me first.”  His shrug was met with bright laughter.  She spread her thighs in welcome and he settled into the cradle of her hips, which pressed up against him when his length fell against her crease, brushing her clit.  Panting, she threw her head back with a low moan.

Looking into her caramel apple coloured eyes when she could focus again, he pressed into her wet heat.  Impatient, she wrapped her legs around his hips and squeezed him deeper into her channel.  He resisted and chuckled at her frustrated pout.

“This is our first time together,” he smiled, propping himself up on one elbow and stroking her cheek with the backs of his fingers.  “There’ll be plenty of time for animalism in the second round.”

“S-second round?” she blinked.

“Supernatural stamina means a refractory period of minutes.”  He took advantage of her open mouth to caress her tongue with his, pushing deeper into her until he was fully sheathed.  She snaked her arms around his neck and writhed under him, trying to coax him into moving faster.

Ellie rolled her hips, savouring the perfect fit as if they were made for each other, returning his kiss with interest only to pull away with a gasp as he moved again.  He rocked into her aching core, kneaded the meat of a thigh curled around him, and the way he licked his lips was downright indecent.

Their slow, smooth rhythm soon had her squirming with bliss; Angus watched with a face slack in awe and lust, an expression which she no doubt mirrored.  Yet he maintained a firm grip on his self-control and she wanted to snap the leash.  Clenching around him as tightly as she could, she dug her feet into his marbled ass for leverage to drive herself up his shaft.  He snarled at her impatience.  Once, she would have shrank from the aggression; instead, she did it again and arched her head back to flaunt the line of her throat.  The way he’d reacted whenever her neck was vulnerable hadn’t gone unnoticed.

With a roar, he sank his teeth into her sensitive flesh and slammed into her, the bed thumped into the wall in time with the snap of his hips.  The knot in her lower belly snapped and she came with a scream, gouging furrows in his corded back.  He didn’t let up, pounding into her quivering pussy, forcing her to climax again and again until it all blended into one.  Only after she was a trembling wreck did he delved as deeply as he could, pulsing as he filled her to overflowing, their combined fluids painting her folds.

They lay there for awhile to catch their breath, still connected, foreheads pressed together.  She shook occasionally, her inner walls fluttering around him.

“I think I love you,” whispered Ellie.

“You’re still capable of thought?  Then I haven’t done my job properly,” he smirked.  She laughed throatily; he kissed the bite mark, which was already fading.  “If you change your mind and want to leave, I’m not sure I’m strong enough to watch you walk away.”

It wasn’t a flowery speech, or a grand declaration of his affection.  He all but admitted weakness.  To her.  A wolf who’d been told since her Making that she would never have any power in their world.  And an Alpha had placed himself in her hands.  That knowledge stole her breath, her thought, and most of all, her heart.

The next day, Angus mobilized Ian, Jim, Mickayla, and Shane to pack up her little apartment.  They picked up her brother, Peter, from Vancouver (Washington, not British Columbia) to help.  He’d volunteered even after she’d confessed that she turned furry every full moon.

“She’s been through hell.”  Peter’s growl was worthy of a werewolf, unaware that she overheard through the open window as she packed.  Apparently, not all of their attributes were public knowledge otherwise he would have lowered his voice.  “If you hurt her, I will pump you full of silver.”

Ellie peered down into the packing lot where they were supposed to be loading the SUV.  Her brother loomed over Angus, using his larger size in a blatant attempt at intimidation.  Angus nodded solemnly, and she had to stifle a laugh.  Her Alpha could eat him for breakfast.  Literally.

Later, she thanked him profusely for not murdering her brother for his temerity.  He said something about “not disciplining foolhardy pups” for trying to protect their family, but he accepted her gratitude with fervour.

Her meager belongings looked shabby in Angus’s- their- condo, even with her new, albeit small, wardrobe.  Yet he didn’t bat an eye at her tablet with the cracked corner, or her ancient   laptop, instead placing them next to his own shiny devices to charge.  Nor did he hesitate to place her dog-eared novels next to his first editions.  He returned her keys and her lime green jalopy received a place of honour next to his Tesla.

The following days passed in a whirlwind and before she knew it she was standing in a conference room of sorts in the pack’s warehouse.  Framed by a skylight, the luminous face of the full moon watched from above while she ritually consumed his flesh and was bound to the pack.

While they prepared to shift, several members handed cash over to Mickayla.  Ellie arched a brow in her direction.

“They thought you’d mate our fearless leader tonight,” she shrugged and forked over a portion of the winnings, which disappeared into a back pocket.

“There’s no need to rush.”  Ellie’s smile lit up her face as Angus came up from behind and wrapped his arms around her.  “We have forever ahead of us.”

Tha gaol agam ort, m'eudail - I love you

[ears-awake-eyes-opened]

Sharing a Taste of Strawberries

My blog has an eclectic, deceptively large and functionally tiny group of followers. Hi there, people who are still around. Whatever the reason was that you were drawn, once upon a time, to this blog — my heartspace — and have stayed, this post is for all of you.

There is a treasure I want to share because the world of the fic novel that @hayffiebird has been writing for 8 years (that’s not a typo; it really has been EIGHT YEARS) is so alive inside me, and perhaps you may want it alive inside you too.

Why is this ongoing story so special to me, a virtual non-reader of fanfiction? Because it speaks to and speaks about and touches the core of the journey of my lineage and my life on Earth and through the underworld, the unconscious. And into the dark night of the soul comes this resplendent color.

I experience this as a story of recovery. It’s about healing from attachment trauma, situational trauma, sociopolitical trauma, addiction, codependency, and profound loss of others and loss of self. In my view, it’s a story about the reality that love coexists with grief, and that coexistence offers hope in the face of impossible odds.

For me, the title all by itself is the voice of a friend whispering at the end of all things, “Stay alive.”. ...Why? I ask, What for... “For the *orchards in blossom, the birds nesting in the hazel thicket, the summer barley in the lower fields, and the first of the strawberries with cream.* Stay alive for what’s still good. Can you see it in your waking mind? Can you remember? Let me help you remember...”

Ellie recently posted her latest chapter. That single part reflects over a month of work. Her writing blows me away. Each word is chosen with incredible thought, and they all come together with such tenderness and intention. It’s the kind of storytelling I just love love love.

You don’t need to know anything about Haymitch Abernathy or Effie Trinket or the world of Panem to fall in love with Taste of Strawberries. That said, if you’re already familiar with Hayffie, and somehow haven’t read this yet, then such deliciousness awaits you.

Linking to the first of 24 chapters, some with multiple parts...

[bread-elf]

DWC 2020 - Day 4

May not be suitable for all readers, viewer discretion is advised

Broken

Mist of Pandaria, pre Siege of Orgrimmar If you want to play, come and find me… Jiroki suddenly became acutely aware of the scents around her, of burning gunpowder and charred flesh. Ash filled her lungs and she coughed herself awake, tearing her heavy eyelids open to try and gauge what’s around her. Through moist eyes she blinked away the blurriness as best as she could, though after a few seconds she wished she didn’t. The sky had started off as a bright and sunny day, but now smoke filled the empty skies above her, black and grey colored streaks tainting the air. Her body felt heavy, and she struggled to push herself up. Plate armor wore her down as she propped herself onto her elbows, chest heavy as she can feel her usually tight and neat bun of hair falling apart. The blue tabard with the Lion’s sigil she wore diligently had been torn asunder and defiled with sweat, blood, and oil. Her helmet had been long lost in the fighting along the way, but that had not been a factor in the way the appendage of her ears felt like they were severely battered. Hissing in through her teeth she reaches up to try and tentatively touch one, but decided against it, she had more pressing matters on her mind. Come and find me.

A taunt lingered in her mind as she rolled herself over, and she first gasped and nearly choked on her own coughing fit when met with a startling sight. A robotic golem, much like the ones common to Westfall, lay right in front of her, its gaze affixed on her while its body had been torn asunder by a large lance jutting out of it. It lay dormant, broken, but it stirred many questions in her mind as she began to push herself up onto all fours. “Hel-Hello?! Anyone?!” On her knees she finally takes a look around. Many other golems lay in similar circumstances, but that only explained half of the scents she could currently smell. The rest came from mangled and scorched bodies, identified by their smaller size and the same blue tabards she wore. “No- no!” Scrambling to the nearest one to her, a vaguely familiar shape of a man, grabbing hold of his shoulder and rolling him onto his back. “Arathon! Arathon?!” A young human with auburn hair, now muddled with blood as a gaping wound dripped on the side of his head. He had recently just got engaged, but Jiroki had pressured him into coming on this mission since she was his second in command. She shook him a bit, hoping perhaps that it was not too late, that the pink mush leaking from the side of his head was just a dust in her eyes, but her efforts are in vain. Glancing around she takes better not of the other bodies around, and a particular name nearly makes her entire being cease to exist. “Gelt- GELT?!” Jiroki pushes herself to stand but nearly crumples as she cries out in pain that takes her by surprise, looking and seeing that a chunk of plate had been torn off her leg, and had torn her calf to shreds. A trail of blood had followed her as she had crawled over here, and it continued to follow her as she forced herself to stand and limb along the carnage, desperate for any living souls. The side of her face felt wet, but she ignored it as she began her search. The battle took place in the Hinterlands, a mission to chase down a notorious individual that had once been a part of the cavalry unit she had partnered up with. Jiroki, being a part of the infantry of Stormwind’s militia, had many long debates with her Marshal, commander of her unit who currently had gone to the campaign in Pandaria, a campaign she herself couldn’t go to in fears that the mysterious force known as the Sha would consume her for her anger. Something to be rightfully fearful of, given how she is. So with her infantry men that were left behind, they had kept themselves occupied and helped stabilize other fortifications in the King’s name, and found themselves getting to know a cavalry unit stationed in the Blasted Lands. Though both cavalry and infantrymen alike lay scattered in heaps of corpses around her with the wreckage of golems. “ANYONE?!” Nearly hopping on one leg she explores the field of carnage carefully, the battle having been a wide berth in the lands. “Call out! Whistle! Something!” Her voice cracks, no one is alive. Only her. The side of her face still felt wet, and in frustration she wipes the moisture away with a gauntlet, only to be surprised by the sight of her own blood splattered on her gauntlet. A vague memory creeps into her mind, moments before she blacked out, how she had survived. A small blade of cold steel, dragging delicately across her skin. Her ears twitch, picking up a sound, and she glances back over her shoulder towards a hacked sob. Shuffling in that direction she keeps her silver eyes as wide as she can as she glances around, and the moment she sees a hunched over figure shuddering she nearly sprints. “Swadley, is that you?!” Seeing the small human hunched over, the girl barely having reached adulthood recently. She sobbed hysterically, fiery red hair spilled out of her helmet, or was that blood? Jiroki nearly collapses as she tries to get to her, but by the strength of will manages to keep herself from falling onto her knees until she’s behind her. “Amber-” Cutting herself off as she realizes Amber is holding someone, and she drags herself around to see who it is. Jiroki’s stomach drops as she sees the body of Gelt’s daughter, Eilynne. Around Amber’s age as well, she dressed in mage battle robes as her curly blond hair framed her head that Amber carefully cradled, her gentle face looking peaceful as ever while her robes seeped of her entrails that had spilled out by whatever had caused her demise. So close to becoming disheveled, Jiroki looks up at Amber, so far the only other living soul she’s found, but it sparks a bit of hope. “Amber; have you seen Gelt?” Amongst all the bodies she had not seen this man, a man who had so carefully pried open her heart. “I can’t find him, everyone is-” Her words hang in the air, not having the will to finish, but also realizing that Amber wasn’t paying attention to her words. The young human continued to hyperventilate from the trauma, vibrant green eyes staring straight ahead of her and not even having glanced to Jiroki at all. The elf decides to follow her gaze, and her stomach riots. “Gelt!” A saw blade had seared through his torso and severed both arms, one laying nearby as the other is lost in the carnage. The saw blade in question currently resided in him as well, protruding from his legs as if it had been left there as a landmark. Jiroki couldn't believe the audacity of the display his corpse had become, unsure of if this was actually the first human she has ever loved. But his hazel eyes look the same as they stare unliving to the sky, the roots of his dark brown hair had begun greying out in age, that little scar he had since he was a child over his left eyebrow from a stumble he took. Jiroki hadn’t even felt herself as she moved closer, everything in her core squeezing tight as her jaw clenched. She could no longer ignore the riot in her stomach, turning herself away from his body as she started to heave whatever remnants were leftover from hours ago. Jiroki felt her chest begin to crumble, her form shaking as the heaved sobs force their way out of her gut, trying to pant for air but finding none as she’s short of breath. This time she could feel fluid sliding down both cheeks, now shedding tears that mingled with the blood and soot on her face. So close to breaking. “J-J-J-” Hearing the stutters of Amber, Jiroki turns her head, slowly and nearly without life. But she notices that Amber is clutching something else to her chest, which with a trembling hand tries to extend out. A green glow emitted around her fingers of whatever she held tightly. Suspicions begin to stir in Jiroki that make her come closer, extending her own hand to accept whatever it is that Amber wants to pass her. A fel green stone drops into her hand, immediately sending the hairs on the back of Jiroki’s neck standing. Turning it in her hand she could tell it wasn’t a health stone, though unintentionally she smears a bit of her blood onto the stone. Right away it begins to light up and Jiroki almost chucks it, but a swirling mist forms inside the rock catches her attention, causing her to stare into it as a figure forms. “Well, well, it seems you’ve woken up.~” A taunting voice speaks from the fel stone, and Jiroki sees a face that makes her blood boil. A human woman with strawberry blonde hair and lips red as blood, her face having a snarky sneer as the message continues on. “I left our mutual friend alive to give this to you. I certainly couldn’t kill her like the others, she was always the nicest to me, and the cutest.” Her voice takes on a sickenly sweet mock, and out of the corner of Jiroki’s eyes she can see Amber huddle forward. “I’m sure you’re going to look darling once my scars on you heal up. The game still stands.~ You know what to do.” A flashback runs through Jiroki’s mind, moments in combat before her world went dark. Fighting with a golem that she managed to sever its leg off with her glaive, but then something from behind nearly obliterates her leg. Collapsing onto the ground her glaive slips from her hand, and a crushing force lands top of her. A different golem had snuck up and pinned her down, but that wasn't nearly as alarming as the pair of slippered feet that casually walked around Jiroki’s head, a woman dressed in robes kneeling down beside her head. Jiroki’s helmet gets removed and tossed aside, and a soft hand roughly grabs Jiroki’s chin and tilts it upward. “Ellie-” Jiroki sneers, the strawberry blonde woman giggling as battle happens around them. “You could have avoided this you know.” Ellie’s other hand reaches forward to begin gliding her fingers along the elongated ear of the elf. “This wasn’t any of your business. But now it’s too late. I’ll need to set a firm reminder for your lover boy.” “You won’t get away with this!” Jiroki struggles to get up, trying to call forth her inner magics for a way of escape, but she feels the magic being siphoned out of her like breath being drawn for her lungs. The woman just cackles, wrapping her hands around Jiroki’s ears. No words are given as fel fire is conjured, and Jiroki screams in sheer agony as her ears are burned. As it goes on Jiroki’s vision starts to fade, trying to grasp onto consciousness as the pain rivals some of her most severe injuries. Eventually it stops, and her throbbing ears can barely hear the sound of a blade being drawn from a sheathe, the cold steel being dragged along her cheek in a crisscross. “Heheh, but I already am getting away with it. Once I kill off the rest of my enemies, that is.” Making her mark of an X on Jiroki’s cheek, letting the blood weep from the skin. “But, if you want to play, come and find me.” Jiroki’s brought back from her mind as fel stone fizzles out, losing its color and becoming a dull grey. Just now noticing how much her hand is trembling, her grip tightens on the rock, it begins to crack. Amber’s sobs bring her attention; at least one person is alive from all this, and she needs to be taken from here. “Amber…” Conscious of Gelt’s body near her she Jiroki does her best to ignore it for the time being, coming closer to the small human. “We have to go.” Amber’s sobbing gets worse at that, reluctant to leave Eilynne’s body. Jiroki manages to push herself to stand and come beside Amber, bending down and trying to coax Amber to let go. She starts to struggle, Amber crying hysterically, but Jiroki realizes that the human had many cuts and gashes in her armor as well. Wrapping her arms around her waist, Jiroki hoists up, and the body of Eilynne slips from Amber’s grasp as she starts to wail and struggle. Amber only stood about five feet in height, much more shorter than the elf that reached seven feet, yet Jiroki found her strength taxed while moving her. Hoisting the human up with unsteady legs she gets Amber hanging over her shoulder, stumbling a few steps backwards and risking a fall, but she manages. Amber kicks and wails and tries to squirm off, but she’s just a broken and weakened mess as Jiroki still has just an ounce of strength left to carry out this task, hanging on by sheer will and anger. “I’m going to kill her...” Jiroki talks to herself as she limps along the bloodied grounds, Amber’s hysterical cries ambience in the background. “I’m going to tear her heart out…” Trying to take Amber out away from all the carnage and into an open field for air, and from there she can at least gain their bearings. A caw from the air catches her attention, lifting her head up to look. High up above a gryphon looped in a circle, a dwarf on the back that surveyed the area. It must have been one of the Wildhammer’s sent to scout what had caused all the smoke and fires on the ground. Jiroki stops and waves her hand up that was holding Amber steady for leverage, trying to catch the dwarf’s attention. Once Amber was safe, games could be played. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ After all was said and done it became clear that revenge can’t fill a void in her chest. Jiroki sat in a chair outside of Gelt’s former house in Stormwind, dressed in comfortable robes and a glass of lemonade on a table in front of her. It remained untouched, Jiroki just staring out blanky in front of her towards the cobblestone streets. Devoid of emotions she just sat, but from the open door stepped out a Highborne. “Alright, I just finished folding up the sheets… It’s a nice day, isn’t it?” Long silver hair bound back while his own beard had been braided to keep from flourishing, Sasil had nearly been stuck to Jiroki’s side ever since her return, helping tend to her injuries and whatever business she had to settle. Him speaking caused her ears to twitch, and it sends a dull and painful reminder of the bandages wrapped around them. “Hm…” Jiroki had nothing to say, nothing she wanted. Sasil adjusted his rolled up sleeves, uncharastically in loose linen and simple trousers as he had set to help clean the fallen cavalry's house today for Jiroki. A quick glance made him notice Jiroki hadn’t touched her lemonade, and he tries a different approach. “There does happen to be a slight chill in the air…” He states. “Perhaps some tea would be more fitting? Do you want me to make some jasmine?” Coming up and gently brushing his hand over the back of her hair. “If you want.” Dismissive, not reacting to his touch at all. His silver brows knit together, but he goes ahead and steps inside to start brewing some tea, nothing else he could do but try. Jiroki remained still for a time longer, eyes lazily spotting a small butterfly landing on a potted plant with budding flowers. Eilynne had planted those, she had watered them diligently every day. Moving from her spot she glued herself to for hours she stands, leaving her drink unattended as she steps into the house. It had become barren, only large pieces of furniture and kitchenware remaining as most of the personal belongings and decor had been packed. Jiroki didn’t have the will to go through them, nor did Gelt and Eilynne Weissgron have any living relatives to contact, let alone a unit to report back to. Sasil tood in the kitchen, a kettle already over a stove top as he looked through different tea blends that were in the house, turning as he noticed Jiroki going towards the stairs. “Jiroki-?” “I’m going to lay down for a bit.” Bare feet gently pad up the wooden steps as she makes her way up, leaving Sasil down below. “Ah- ok! I’ll- I’ll be here…” Letting his words fall flat, brushing his hand over his head as he lets out a sigh. Jiroki could have walked with her eyes close to the bedroom where Gelt used to be in, one she had shared with on special nights. But it looked so different now, boxes filled with his belongings and some with decorations. For a split second the thought occurred to her that perhaps they were just moving, moving to Ironforge like he had hoped to one day. But the daydream was smothered out by the cold reality. Walking forward she makes her way to the bed. The blankets had not been packed yet, and his scent still lingered in the room, but she nearly tripped as one of the floorboards bent at an odd angle. Quickly stepping back she looks down to see it partially lifting up from the rest, and it was then that she realized she had nearly forgotten about his secret cubby. “Don’t tell Eilynne, but I keep her mother’s heirlooms in here. I don’t trust banks.” The middle aged men had beckoned to Jiroki once upon a time, having crow’s feet yet still had a youthful mischievous glint in his eyes. Jiroki knelt herself down and gingerly pulled back the floorboard, seeing the box hidden beneath. Reaching down she plucked it out and held it on her lap, deciding to go through it. Inside rest a savings bond written to Eilynne that she could cash in when of an older age, a small ring box that held both Gelt’s and his deceased wife’s wedding rings, and a jeweled locket that would have been passed on to Eilynne. Jiroki didn’t know what to do with the savings bond, but perhaps the other items could be buried with Gelt and his daughter. But there was a different small box that Jiroki didn’t remember seeing, pulling that out and setting the rest down. It looked like a ring box too, but she couldn’t recall him showing anymore then what she had thus so far seen. Opening it up, when she looked inside she nearly felt her body tear in on itself. A single ring, a shining silver with Darnassian rune work lining all around it, a studded diamond perched atop that shimmered like it was brand new. On the inside of the band was the tiniest of engravings, but stood out the most for her. G & J. The ring fell onto the floor with a gentle clatter as Jiroki gripped the sides of her head tightly, trembling and started to heave up sobs to the point she started gagging. Overcome with grief she tries to run away from it, so much so as to stand up and physically move away from the ring meant for her, but she nearly topples over a standing mirror. Turning in shock she sees herself in her reflection, ears wrapped up in bandages and another patch right over the mark that Ellie had left on her cheek, where a scar would form. The very same face that led so many to death, she takes the opportunity to exact her vengeance on her own self and punch at her reflection, causing the mirror to shatter with a loud crash. From downstairs Sasil immediately bolted up the flight of steps and to the room, just in time to see Jiroki hurl the rest of the standing mirror towards the wall. A hand shoots out and with his arcane capabilities the shards and furniture piece are pulled away from her, and he’s quick to dash in and catch her falling form. “You’re ok, you’re ok!” He gently chides as he pants, having exerted his talents much more quickly than he was prone to, but that meant nothing to him as he held Jiroki to his chest. She wailed into him, fists weakly striking at him before she just gives in to her grief, mourning loudly and clutching to the Highborne. Sasil soothes Jiroki’s hair as she laments, there in the room with so many memories packed away. Knelt by the broken pieces of the mirror, Jiroki lets herself break as well. (( @daily-writing-challenge​ )) (( Amber is my alt! Shout out to all the other player characters involved in this! This was set in the time somewhere between events of MoP and way before Warlords released, with guilds no longer active! I hope they’re all doing well. )) (( I also had been fighting vertigo all day, so halfway through this is when editing stopped, sorry for any inconsistencies! ))

[ghostsray]

Ch6: Stuck

(first - prev - next)

Skulker tossed the nets holding Niel and Ellie like potato sacks onto the cold metal floor. Niel saw his dad stop pacing around the lab and come toward them.

"There you are," he spoke in his smooth voice, his deep blue eyes latched onto Niel. Without glancing up at Skulker, he asked, "Why is my son inside a net?"

Skulker grunted, but he pulled out a blade and cut Niel's net open. Niel staggered to his feet. His muscles felt sore from being tangled up for so long, but he didn't give himself time to stretch. Instead, he quickly stood in front of Ellie's net in an attempt to hide her from Vlad.

Unfortunately, this didn't work. His dad spotted the other figure Skulker had brought, and his eyes widened. Then a smile formed on his lips. "Do my eyes deceive me, or is that Danielle?"

Niel wavered, but he didn't move from his spot. Behind him, Ellie groaned, stirring awake.

"Move away, son," Vlad ordered. "I want to see my dear daughter."

"Fruitloop," Ellie muttered.

Vlad looked over Niel's shoulder at the girl. "How unoriginal. Is this how you greet your father?"

Ellie's eyes opened so she could glare angrily at Vlad. "You're not my father," she hissed.

Vlad pouted and placed a heart on his chest. "Am I not the person who created you?"

"Sure, right before you tried to melt me down," she spat back.

Vlad's eyes drifted to Niel. Niel gulped.

"Don't hurt her," he pleaded. Vlad's eyebrows rose.

"You care about her."

"She's my sister."

Understanding dawned on Vlad's face, and he said, "So that's why you were so keen about what happened to the other clones. You've befriended one."

Niel stood his ground despite the nervousness that was steadily growing in his chest. "Is it true?" he asked his dad. "You were going to kill her?"

"Kill?" Vlad laughed and said, "Of course not! I was planning on fixing her afterwards. It's like turning a computer on and off. She would have reformed."

"You're a liar," Ellie snapped from inside her net. Skulker gripped his blade and growled, but Vlad held up a hand placatingly.

"It's all right. You're here now, and you can be fixed. After all, I'm sure you don't enjoy looking like this from time to time," he said and nodded at her face. That was when Niel saw it. Ellie had once told him she didn't look so pretty when she was emotional, and that was true. The right half of her face looked like whenever Niel left a piece of chocolate out for too long and it began to melt. Ellie cupped that side of her face with her hand and looked down, blinking angrily.

Vlad cooed. "Yes, you hate that. But don't worry. I won't hurt you. Isn't that right, Niel?" and he turned his eyes to the boy.

Niel felt like he was stuck. He looked at Ellie, and her visible eye watched him pleadingly, begging him not to side with Vlad. But Vlad--his dad--was watching him as well, his eyes cold and expectant.

Niel gulped. He shifted his feet and mumbled, "Maybe you can trust him..."

Ellie looked devastated. The hand hiding her face began to melt, too. Vlad smirked.

"See? You can trust me. Skulker, cut open her net. I want her to see that I'm trustworthy."

Skulker seemed reluctant, but he did as he was told. As soon as the net fell away, Ellie turned on Skulker and kicked his face.

It was easy to forget that such an innocent-looking girl like Ellie still knew how to fight, and even better than Niel. She had trained under Vlad during the brief time she was under his stay, and she no doubt must have fought for her life multiple times while living on the streets. Niel watched with dumb amazement as Ellie punched Skulker in the gut, dodged all his swings, and finally brought him to his knees by kicking his legs.

She didn't have time to enjoy her triumph over Skulker, because as soon as he went down, Vlad shifted into Plasmius and shot her with a pink ectoblast. Ellie was shoved onto the far wall and tumbled to the ground. The areas in her body that were melting had begun to turn green and slowly dripped onto the floor.

Seeing Ellie hurt snapped Niel out of his stupor. He whipped his head to look at his dad and saw him wearing a grin, his ghost form's vampiric fangs long and visible. For the first time, all those things that Danny and Sam and their friend told Niel about the evil deeds Vlad had done finally sunk in. His dad was a villain.

His dad was a villain.

Vlad made his way casually to where Ellie lay. She was trying to get onto her feet, but she kept falling down. The fact she was about 60% liquid now didn't help.

Niel was spurned into action. He ran in front of Ellie and spread his arms open, glaring Vlad down.

Vlad's mouth twitched. "Niel, move away."

Niel shook his head. "She doesn't want to stay. She doesn't have to."

"Ah, see, I wish that were true. Unfortunately, when you start to wonder about something like her moving around town...well, it's not a very normal sight, is it?" Vlad eyed her cheekily. "Sooner or later, someone will notice how odd you are, and then they're going to look into your past and link you back to me. I can't let that happen. So, you have only two options: let me fix you. Be my daughter. Or else, die."

Ellie managed to half-stand by leaning against the wall. She raised her chin and said, "Go to hell."

Vlad tutted. "I'm afraid that's a no. You heard her, Niel. If she doesn't want to join me, then she's not your sister. No need to protect her anymore."

Niel didn't move. "You--you want to kill her."

Vlad rolled his eyes, like this was another obvious math problem that Niel wasn't getting. "Were you not just listening to what I said?" He saw Niel's horrified expression, and he sighed and forced himself to soften. "Come on, Niel. This is for the safety of our family."

"You want to kill her," Niel repeated. "You don't care about family."

Vlad frowned. "I'm your father. Are you going to side with her over me?"

Something wet and cold wrapped around Niel's hand. He looked down and saw Ellie holding his hand, looking up at him pleadingly.

He swallowed back his bile and stared Vlad in the eyes. "Yes."

Vlad would never hit Niel outside of training. Vlad would never harm his son. Niel thought that was true.

Niel was wrong.

As soon as Vlad realized that Niel was serious and that he was not about to change his mind anytime soon, his face darkened. He grabbed Niel by the arms and shoved him aside. Niel fell onto the hard floor. He fell on his hand, forcing his fingers to bend at odd angles, and Niel had a feeling that would become very painful once he shifted back to human.

He bit his tongue and blinked his tears back, then turned in place to see Vlad. The villain reached toward Ellie. Niel's jaw tightened, and he pushed himself off the floor with his good hand and landed next to Ellie, hugging her melting form to his chest.

Vlad sighed. "Really?"

Green-stained liquid leaked from Ellie's eyes, though Niel couldn't tell if they were tears or more ectoplasm. He held her goopy form protectively and glared at Vlad.

In the corner of his vision, he saw Skulker stand up and approach them. Faced off against both him and Vlad, the odds were pretty obvious that Niel wasn't going to go free with Ellie in tow. He had already lost against Skulker once, and Ellie was in no shape to fight.

If he tried to go forward, or sideways, or up, he knew either of the ghosts would intercept him. But maybe not all hope was lost yet. Only a few feet to the side on the wall behind him lay Vlad's ghost portal.

Vlad caught Niel glancing at the portal, and his eyes widened. "Don't," he warned.

Niel, carrying Ellie, shot toward the portal. Both ghosts tried to stop him, but he was too fast. He pulled the lever that opened the blast doors and squeezed himself and Ellie through before they were fully open.

"Stop! I order you to come back!" Vlad shouted after them, but Niel ignored him. He sped through the Ghost Zone, not bothering to look back to see if Skulker was following them. The Ghost Zone blurred around them in lines of green and purple. Niel had never been allowed to visit this realm often, but now was not the time to appreciate the view.

He found a floating cluster of rocks and hid between them to catch his breath. His core thrummed anxiously, and the phantom sensation of his heart seemed to beat against his ribs.

"Danny," Ellie murmured. Niel looked down and had to hold himself back from grimacing. Her face was barely noticeable as a face now.

"I'm Niel," he softly told her.

"I know that, you idiot," she replied, her speech slurred from the fact that her mouth was melting. "I meant we should go to Danny's. He has Ecto-Dejecto."

Niel didn't know what an Ecto-Dejecto was, but he guessed it must be able to heal her problem. He peeked his head from around a rock and looked around. Just as he was beginning to despair the possibility of them getting lost, he spotted it: a metal frame in the distance. He knew it wasn't the one they went through, which meant it was the Fentons' portal.

The stone they were hiding behind suddenly burst. Niel shielded his face from the debris, then looked up to see Skulker flying toward them. Adrenaline high, Niel carried Ellie with him and zoomed toward the portal.

As he made his way toward it, his stomach sank again when he noticed that the blast doors were closed. They weren't going to make it. Skulker was going to catch them, they weren't going to make it--

Miraculously, the doors opened. Niel's core leapt with relief, and he burst through the portal and was greeted by the human world's air.

He and Ellie landed on a table full of half-built weapons, knocking most of them off. When Niel allowed himself to sit up and look around, he found Danny, in Phantom form, gaping at them with wide eyes. He was standing right next to the portal, a thermos in his hands, so he must have been about to empty the device into the Ghost Zone when Niel and Ellie came in.

Before Danny could ask them what the heck was going on, a third head poked through as Skulker followed them. Danny was quick to jump into action. He shot Skulker with an ectoblast and shoved him back into the portal. As soon as he was submerged in the green swirls, Danny slammed the button next to the portal, and the doors closed.

Once that was dealt with, Danny dropped his forgotten thermos and rushed toward Niel and Ellie. "Dani!" he exclaimed when he saw the melted girl.

She was little more than a puddle by now. Niel slid off the table and watched her with horror.

"It's my fault," he said. "If she wasn't with me--Vlad wouldnt have--"

"Vlad?" Danny said, then shook his head. "It's fine. I can help her, she just needs some Dejecto." He started rummaging around the lab for the Ecto-Dejecto while Niel stayed rooted in place.

"Vlad," Niel said, then sobbed. "Vlad was going to kill her. He was going to kill his own child."

Danny glanced over his shoulder briefly at Niel before continuing to search the lab. "It sounds like you went through some shit with the fruitloop, and I'd comfort you, but Dani really needs her..."

Niel covered his face and cried. All the shock and trauma cascaded down his cheeks in the form of tears as his shoulders shook with every sob. He felt stuck, trapped inside a bubble with no air, suffocating inside.

"I wish I can change everything," he whimpered.

The rummaging stopped. "Please tell me you didn't say the W-word," Danny said.

Niel brought his hands away to look at Danny. Instead, his eyes landed on the thermos on the floor that Danny dropped. The lid was open.

A green cloud of mist formed around Niel, and he heard a woman's chuckle. "So you have wished it," she said, "so it shall be."

The last thing he heard was Danny shouting a very rude swear before the green mist thickened and filled his vision.

[thecomicsnexus]

THE WILD STORM #19-24 MARCH - SEPTEMBER 2019 BY WARREN ELLIS, JON DAVIS-HUNT AND STEVE BUCCELLATO

SYNOPSIS (FROM DC DATABASE AND COMIC VINE)

In her London flat, Jenny Mei Sparks is telling her three new friends the story of her life over a few bottles of beer. It is a tale of adventure, righteousness, improbable encounters with famous people, and quite a lot of sex. She has been talking for thirteen hours and has still only gotten to 1955. By that year, she had joined Skywatch, a secret organization founded in the 1930s to guard against potential alien invasion. To that end, they needed a forward base on Mars. Their technology was formidable, their mission noble in theory... but Mars was a boring wasteland, and its lack of a magnetosphere meant that most of Jenny's crewmates developed cancer from stellar radiation exposure.

The mission had swiftly built its bases underground, shielded by the red dirt of Mars, but the base was also boring, and when Jenny came home, she left Skywatch, judging it to be "full of maniacs"... and to have only gotten worse since then. Skywatch has a set of agreements with IO, the shadowy intelligence masters, which mean it has to remain hidden, but as time goes on, the current leader of Skywatch, Henry Bendix, becomes more eager to use his technology to reshape Mars and Venus... and Earth. Jenny was sure a tipping-point would come, and it did - when Angie Spica used a jetpack suit made of IO and Skywatch tech to stop an IO assassin, in full view of a crowd, from killing Jacob Marlowe, a billionaire alien. Jack Hawksmoor interrupts, saying she didn't mention that. Jenny grins cryptically, and reaches for another bottle...

Elsewhere, the television news has gotten peculiar. Speculation about the New York Jetpack Incident. A report on a freak meteor strike which seems to be affecting the weather. A segment on the urban legend of the "billboard ghost girl". A segment on a serial killer dubbed the "Highway Ripper". A man speculating about a secret space program. An interview with Voodoo, where she describes her artistic side as a separate entity, her "daemon". And a news report about a township of fifty people, vanished in what the only eyewitness describes as an alien abduction...

In a large bed in a nice house, two men are watching that last segment on a phone screen. They conclude that it might be the work of Skywatch, who they escaped from together, but that if it is, something has made them brazen. One, dour as midnight, insists they must remain hidden, but the other, smiling like a Greek god, lists the actions of the dour one which have forced them to fight in the past. They will fight again this time, armed by preparation and buttressed by their love.

In the IO headquarters in New York, Jackie King is going over the estimates of Angie Spica's implants, wondering how she got it through IO's normal scanners. Ignoring a request that she attend a meeting, she orders an underling to prepare a report on their earlier DDOS on the Skywatch headquarters and whether they could replicate it.

Shen Li-Men is in the Hospital, the bardo realm where her predecessors as the Doctor reside. She says she has spoken to Jenny Mei Sparks and now she needs to know about the aliens. When they answer cagily, she insists that she cannot do her job unless they comply. So they tell her the tale.

Once upon a time, there was an alien planet called Khera. On it, the dominant species formed a society which bound together five sub-species in a caste system. The Kherans search the galaxy for life-bearing worlds with tool-using natives, with the goal of conscripting those natives as "clients", or slaves. Due to the chaotic nature of the universe, tool-using natives are hard to catch before they are wiped out by chance or foolishness. The goal of the Kheran rulers is something called "forward escape" - to take their whole society from this plane of existence to one where life is easier to sustain. A Doctor has never learned how this would work, but it requires living beings, serving in free will. Once, a Doctor seduced John Colt, a Kheran soldier, and while he was sleeping read his mind to view what, mechanically, this would entail - a vision of Earth marked by three massive fire pits.

However, when the Kherans arrived, they discovered that they were not unopposed. They called these rivals "The Other", once. Now they are known as "The Daemon". The goal of the Daemon is gently inspire, shepherding humanity forward with a modicum of balance so they can escape extinction. Aiding them in this vocation is a device of theirs - the Shaper Engine, a machine that Li-Men saw in a metaphor in a vision. One of the things the Shaper Engine does is empower specific humans to serve as a defense mechanism - like Jenny Mei Sparks.

The interference of the Daemon stymied the Kherans' efforts enough that they fell to internal bickering. A faction of the Kherans tried to influence the culture of the Middle East by appearing as wise but fearsomely-visaged powers, recorded in legend as cherubim. Emp chose a different tactic - he gathered a cabal of underlings, scuttled the alien ship, and vanished in the ensuing explosion. The Kheran homeworld assumed the mission to be a failure, and wrote Earth off. Emp has hidden inside society ever since, pursuing his "Main Project" - to raise human technology to the level where it can petition to join the Kherans as equals.

Today Emp pursues this mission using his resources under the alias 'Jacob Marlowe'. He sees far, but not far enough. He never grasped the reasoning of the Daemon. He did not anticipate that the marooned Kherans would spread competing philosophies and religions across the world, primed to oppose him. He did not anticipate how strong, or how strange, the humans could become. And he knows nothing of the Shaper Engine.

To conclude, the Doctors tell Shen Li-Men that a portentious storm is coming, a storm that may end the world. The Doctor that will have to oppose it will face a burden that no previous Doctor has ever had to bear, and that Doctor is her. And yet, they have an unbiased assessment of her skills and her compassion, which, with fortitude and spite and maybe a few friends, may be enough to see her through.

Skywatch intensifies its preparation for war, increasing its attacks on the planet. For some of these conflict zones, Skywatch’s greatest threat is not IO or conventional forces, but the people who escaped from its own experimentation camps. And the four people in London whom it knows little about, but who are preparing to take steps to alter the balance of the world.

The experimental subjects code-named Apollo and Midnighter have broken cover. Combat-optimized superhumans are now loose on the Earth.

Jenny Mei Sparks has assembled a group of misfits and exiles, to stand against a corruption that covers the world and orbits above it.

The storm of accidents, deaths, mistakes, confusion and anger has led to this. Miles Craven has lost his grip and Henry Bendix has lost his mind.

IO has betrayed the world, and Skywatch wants to burn it. The only people in the middle are Jenny Mei Sparks’ ragtag team of wounded orphans of the secret world.

REVIEW

These last six issues are more action packed (it is a third act after all), and in general it feels like a pilot for The Authority (curiously enough, the next book announced was WildCATS but it was cancelled. May be re-solicited eventually. WildStorm has a very complicated history with runs that get cancelled, with the most obvious one being The Authority by Grant Morrison.

Anyway, the visuals and the story are very tight, and this is an amazing story to read. It just, takes you two years to get the whole thing. I feel like in the last 12 issues, I got more about the properties I knew more, and that may be the reason why I liked the last 12 issues more.

As I said in a previous post, this is a very long prologue, but a high quality one. Think of it as the “Man of Steel” for a new universe (the John Byrne one, not the one that made you stop reading Superman).

I had problems in the past with the way Apollo and Midnighter’s relationship was portrayed. At least, during the New 52/Rebirth era. I felt it pretty real in this run, or at least is more similar to what I experienced in real relationships. Their differences are big, but at the core, they shouldn’t get in the way of their love.

Voodoo was a gratuitous character throughout these 24 issues. She barely did a thing. Same with the way Michael Cray ended up dying in the last issue. He did have his own mini-series that I didn’t follow, but considering that Deathblow had a “healing factor”, I suppose he is probably not dead.

This story felt very sober sometimes, replacing super-heroes with regular people with powers, it’s a nice interpretation when every book around you has spandex and shiny armor.

There is spandex and shiny armor here too... but you know what I mean.

I give these issues a score of 9.

[sanoiro]

4x05 - Expire Erect - Spoilers and Speculation

Warning! There is always a possibility that certain scenes might have been mixed up under their non-respective episodes.

Written By: Mike Costa

Directed By: Viet Nguyen

Mike Costa has written/co-written the episodes:

1x10 Pops

2x09 Homewrecker

2x15 Deceptive Little Parasite

3x07 Off the Record (Teleplay)

3x13 Til Death Do Us Part

3x18 The Last Heartbreak

4x05 Expire Erect

Cast: Tom Ellis as Lucifer, Lauren German as Chloe, DB Woodside as Amenadiel, Lesley-Ann Brandt as Maze, Kevin Alejandro as Dan, Scarlett Estevez as Trixie, Rachael Harris as Linda Martin and Aimee Garcia as Ella.

Season 4 Recurring Characters: Inbar Lavi as Eve and Graham McTavish as Father Kinley

Guest Cast:

Paul Edney...Museum Visitor Rigo Sanchez...Marco

Behind The Scenes:

If there is one episode I’m excited about is this one. I’m dying to watch it!

In a conversation I had a few days ago I was discussing with @boristheelder about Chloe’s Arc in this season and surprisingly we both expressed the same thought. 

Chloe in this season has three stages in her arc. The first is disbelief, she is cautious and hurt. Chloe cannot comprehend what is going on and how to react to Lucifer’s nature. 

^ A Halloween wreath outside Chloe’s door. 

As far as we can speculate with the new information of the month gap between 3x24 and 4x01 what we are going to find in 4x01 is two broken souls who miraculously love each other and try to cope. 

Lucifer is almost certain he will use sex I mentioned before in 4x01, hence his new project but not necessarily sexual partner Eve. In Chloe’s case, she put her trust in the wrong person when she was on her lowest point. Father Kinley. 

Graham McTavish who plays Father Kinley during most if not all the 4x05 episode was in New Zealand so his involvement on the events of this episode is heavily induced with a good dose of speculation. 

Father Kinley is imprisoned either in 4x04 or most probably according to my belief in 4x05. After all, he makes a spectacular escape in 4x09 so… 

But let’s take things first. The case of the week is a bit obscure on all possible levels as we only have some bits and pieces to put together a blurry picture… 

The murder seems to be happening at a car exhibition or as the L.A. residents know it as the Petersen Automobile Museum. According to some sources, there was a commotion and everyone present had to act a panic mode scene after an ‘unfortunate’ (read murder) event. 

^ You can see Ellis’ and Lauren’s, stand-ins

hat murder leads our gang to a house in the suburbs of L.A. with a beautiful and expensive silver Mercedes-Benz 300 SL Gullwing Coupe! A GORGEOUS car if you ask me… 

Anyways… Inquiries are made and things take their way towards solving the case but that’s all we know as another scene took the majority of the shooting days to be shot. 

Before I start writing about *that* scene I want to mention that Lucifer in this episode has a session with Linda and wears the same shirt he will use until the end of the episode. 

A very unique in texture light blue shirt. This session is one of the reasons that make me wonder if Linda gives birth later on in the season or if she just returns at her job after only just one episode between the birth and a session with Lucifer. 

The fact that Linda wears a red dress and the photo does not show her midsection has me wondering as well as her wearing PJs at the last episode… We shall see…

^You can see Rachael next to Ellis as they are prepped, 

The scene I cannot wait to see is the LUX scene of this episode. It almost 50 hours of shooting to be done at the stage and some more so outside the Cicada Restaurant, as I have mentioned before, also known as LUX’s entrance. 

^We had two LUX patrons stating this so I have no idea if Eve has a power, Lucifer’s are growing or it is just a coincidence... Perhaps someone is brooding and sees the couples making out? 

At LUX we have first of all Ella and Eve who seem to hit it off quite well as Ella has some drinks at LUX. They talk to have some fun probably but do remember that Ella is now questioning her faith something that I believe that the events of 4x05 might help her. 

Ella also is a HUGE supporter of Deckerstar despite what has happened between Lucifer and Chloe which Ella might attribute to Marcus’ betrayal and eventual death if Lucifer was accused of it…

I mean it is a probability that Lucifer was arrested hence the one month jump and lack of communication but that’s in my head has something like a 15-20% probability of happening. 

So we are at LUX and guess what… LUX’s patrons and everyone inside are held hostages as far as I can tell. The SWAT (Special Weapons Attack Team) team is also there as you can see from the black van. 

Now we do know that inside are Ella, Eve and Lucifer. Outside LUX we have Dan and Maze.  Yet where is Chloe? Well someone did mention that there was a “hidden” entrance to LUX so I would assume that Chloe did eventually did sneak in or was already in although I believe it’s the first. 

Yet why Chloe and not Maze? That’s a good question I cannot answer. All I know is that Chloe’s presence at LUX is something that will happen whether she was in there as the place was taken over or afterwards. 

What we also have there is a rather “demonic” bartender. Although the description says nothing about the bartender being a Demon the abilities she has are great and has some core scenes and even a stuntwoman I believe in that episode so I would assume that LUX’s bartenders were selected really carefully. 

You can see the heavily armoured men of the SWAT team in some of the photos by the way. 

Now comes the most important part of the episode. There is a video which was deleted and which you can find in this post. I’ll not say where if you haven’t noticed it. If you are no keen into to really big spoilers please stop reading. 

Thank you in advance!

*Interlude Over*

In this episode, Lucifer gets stubbed and we almost lose him. 

Before I explain what I believe has happened I would like to conclude what I was discussing with @boristheelder Chloe in this season has an Arc of 3 levels. Turmoil, Realization and Action towards getting Lucifer back or at least at first mending their relationship up to 4x09 where I believe she opens up again to a robe dressed Lucifer. 

Episode 4x05 is the episode where Chloe realizes that you cannot dismiss love so easily, what she needed was again to trust him and she does that in this episode so the damn breaks and everything that held her back is released but much to Lucifer’s bad luck so does his vulnerability around her. 

If you remember 4x02 where I believe that Lucifer is back being invulnerable around Chloe and thus extremely hurt and confused, in 4x05 he makes some very bad choices that lead to him being severely hurt and I do not mean 3x17 hurt… I mean 1x13 hurt!

We cannot be sure who Lucifer is set to protect and perhaps the stabbing happens early in LUX’s take over and at the end. Meaning that Father Kinley may himself or may have had someone else trying to kill the Devil. Who knows really but that’s my hunch. Especially since we have a guy with a tonsure in the episode... Tonsure is the circular shave Christian monks have since the middle ages... 

Call me whatever you like but do you remember how Lucifer investigated Marcus’ mark through the Code Da Vinci movies? Well, do you remember Silas? The misguided albino assassin in Code Da Vinci? Just saying...  

Whether Lucifer is trying to protect someone like Chloe or Eve or even Ella. Whether he was the main target or not Chloe’s proximity makes him lose a huge amount of blood that makes him in many photos look ashen and then taken away by an ambulance with only Eve by his side as Chloe can be rarely seen further away in some cases but not often (like one time or two). 

Examining the scenarios Lucifer either 

Gets hurt early on and they have to get Chloe outside LUX but that does not happen quickly enough so Lucifer starts to bleed out and Chloe finally realizes what Lucifer has sacrificed by being around her. 

Lucifer believing like in scenario A that he is invulnerable with or without Chloe’s proximity he is stubbed by what it seems to be a military/hunting knife (missionary?). That leads to a chain of events for everyone not only trying to get to Lucifer who is inside LUX but also defuses the situation at the bar.

^The little amount of blood is either for the ambulance scene or someone else is also hurt. If you were praying for Azrael to be back, do pray to be in this episode although the chances are slim and none of the BTS supports it. :(

No matter what happens and although I would have loved for Lucifer to protect Chloe again only to fail, we have some very important things going into motion after this episode. 

First, Chloe realises that Lucifer is capable of dying as well as what he has gone through for her. 

Second, this opens a window for past events to come to the light 1x13, 2x13, 2x05 etc. 

Third, Chloe is finally passing from the state of turmoil and by having lost faith to Father Kinley she starts to see Lucifer under a new light she was not able to do so before. Everything now counts more than before, have a different meaning if you like. 

Fourth, Chloe seems to be held away from Lucifer as he is rushed to the ambulance. Probably Eve or Maze (or both) make sure she stays away in order for Lucifer to start healing undisturbed. Imagine seeing the man you love, the Devil getting hurt and you are the one who is causing all that pain. An allegory here I believe with what happened between 3x24 to 4x01. 

Moreover, she is powerless as she cannot follow and if Chloe knows what causes Lucifer’s vulnerability according to my theory that is, then she has an answer she was finding very hard to admit. Can you Love the Devil? Yes, because he is Lucifer. Just Lucifer. 

 I could spend a lot of time writing about what that scene means for the episode and the season as a whole but I think that the proper meta can wait….

You may ask how will the situation be resolved? Well, the combination between Dan, Maze and the Bartender will certainly help to keep an eye on them as well as Chloe. 

^The LUX extras were exhausted so imagine the actors and the crew!

In the last parts of this post, I would like to mention the writer’s IG post that was captured by me in its full glory but @lucks-eterna managed to capture it in the first 5 minutes while I missed my chance… Good work by the way @lucks-eterna !

The post from the writer had the summary for each character behind his lament over his PC’s autocorrect. More clearly we can see Amenadiel’s who is apparently in a difficult situation of trying to find a job, any job, while weighing the new sense of responsibility fatherhood bring along in his life. Whether born or not that child is already causing some havoc and even more in the next episodes.  In 4x05 we also have Amenadiel’s stuntman at the stage meaning that Amenadiel may have had an active role in the LUX situation or a new character appears a bit early... 

The other two summaries are a bit more difficult to decipher. The second is Maze’s and you can even make out the name as many have pointed out on Tumblr.

when Maze gives *** some -

he’s only recruiting her, an -

do the kind of rule-breaking

with the fact that, maybe, he

Lesley, Ann did post that she had another scene with Dan in that episode (aside from the ones with Ella outside LUX?) and although Lesley-Ann did reveal that Maze will really all in love in this season I wonder if it’s with the baby and not with a man or woman. Yes she lives with Linda and it would have been fun to see them together but there is a prickling at the back of my head that whispers “Dan”. We shall see but let’s keep this as an afterthought. 

^Dan at what it seems to be Chloe’s house or LUX, I would bet Chloe’s house which is behind the LUX set. Who knows... perhaps it’s at LUX and part of the ending of the episode where Dan realises where he is heading and Maze had enough.

In 3x26 Dan was shown that he had a dark side that never really grew in size and in S4 it seems like it's out of control. All the fighting he gets into with Maze makes me wonder whether he joins her in bounty hunting as a way to redeem himself of what happened to Charlotte but also as Joe has said jokingly once, Dan got a taste of blood in S2 so whenever you do not see him he is out there killing people. 

Of course, Joe’s words were meant as a joke but what if bounty hunting or taking part to fights with Maze is what helps him cope? Is it here in episode 4x05 that Maze realists how far Dan has gone? Is Dan the one who “recruits” her for a semi-controlled rule-breaking? I believe he is…

The first summary is the most baffling and heart-wrenching one. 

a hard time doing while SOB(BING?)

realize just how close she 

She realizes what’s missing

Call me a Hallmark season special fanatic but after considering what has happened to Lucifer and how Chloe cannot approach him, the woman who run to his side and cradled him in 2x12… Sigh… 

Do tell me if you were that woman what you would have done seeing the man you love, the Devil or not (who cares anymore at that point?), been taken away, bleeding to death, wasting away partly because of you is taken away what would you do? What would you do if another woman was above him offering him comfort as he was looking ashen and out of it, what you would have done? 

I’ll take a wild chance and say what the writer of this episode has summarized… Just saying… 

Concluding as you have guessed this is a very hard episode which I believe you will all love as much I will and do remember the other scripts of the Scriptwriter…

Pops gave us Lucifer saving Chloe, being burned and of course a drunk Chloe passing out on him. Homewrecker analyzed the matter of trust between Lucifer and Chloe as well as Dan’s dark side, the Deceptive Little Parasite… 

Who can forget Lucifer crying over the pain of Chloe and his Mother to ignite the sword? Off the Record was partly his work while Til Death Do us Part again dealt with the matter of trust. The Last Heartbreak gave us a tender moment between Lucifer and an unconscious Chloe while we learned more about Marcus without losing touch with the series and finally 4x05… 

Lucifer will Expire Erect but not in bed in the middle of an orgy…  

Quick Directory:

Spoilers and Speculations Posts Per Episode:

4x01 - Everything’s Okay

4x02 - Somebody’s Been Reading Dante’s Inferno

4x03 - O, Ye Of Little Faith, Father

4x04 - All About Eve

4x05 - Expire Erect

4x06 - Orgy Pants To Work

4x07 - Devil Is As Devil Does

4x08 - Super Bad Boyfriend

4x09 - Save Lucifer

4x10 - (?????) King of Hell?

Lucifan 1

This episode had really intrigued me since the title was released. Expire Erect fits perfectly with the show. And again it promises angst and emotions.

There are so many hints and situations to discuss that it is difficult to start.The night al Lux seems pretty hot: it is just a case or is it related to a plan? If we consider Eve having such a kind of "mojo" is it an attempt to use it or to control at least? Is Lucifer using it for his own purpose?

I still think Eve will bring back the old Devil,  so if he now feels at ease just with Eve at his side, no surprise if he is back to the old habits of multiple one night partners. Curious to know more about the session with Linda: is it about Eve or about Linda's pregnancy/ baby? For sure, she will offer good advice that Lucifer will take  in his own way and maybe focus just on his partner in crime and not on his former partner anymore

I'm glad we can see also more about Amenadiel and his struggle to live as a human being. This character and Woodside deserve a lot and I wait for a meaningful arc for them, including the realisation that actions have consequences. The same realisation that everyone needs to reach.

Moving back to Lux set, we have BTS of Dan and Maze. Their partnership grows and consolidates, but we don't know if it lasts. What if Dan discovers the role she played in all Cain's stuff? It is true they will be together in the hospital at the end of the season, so I want to give them a chance. Will be they a couple?  LesleyAnn has announced a Maze in love. But she had also teased about a potential Maze girlfriend.  Will it be Eve? Just for fun? And Maze's real love will be the baby? We know the feelings she has for Trixie,  so no surprise if she develops a strong bond with the Nephilim

Also, Ella is at Lux and meets Eve. And from the BTS of episodes 6 and 7 they will work together.  Sanoiro states Ella will regain her faith or part of it after this episode: will Eve help her? Ella's open and welcoming attitude can play an important role with a character usually blamed and hated, creating a  special relationship between them. That can plague Chloe or push her to think a lot about herself or the faith restored is more related to anything occurring at Lux? Chloe and Lucifer  trying to protect each other? Chloe coming to protect them all?

Let's see

The last section is for Chloe. Despite all we have (or not have) seen, I strongly believe this season gives her all the room she deserves. I totally agree on the 3 phase arc here suggested. Perhaps realisation of her real feelings starts in episode 4. But it will burst in episode 5. How Chloe join the team at Lux is not clear ae we have just her car outside. She can be there because called on duty or following a criminal (Kinley? Someone working for him? ) And it is unclear if she enters or not. Does she need to be really close to Lucifer to affect him?

Does the secret door at Lux suggest a way in or have another meaning? Assuming she is inside, is her love/ faith already restored to make Lucifer vulnerable or is something she sees to have that effect?  Lucifer trying to protect Ella or Eve, or even Chloe herself. In any case,  Lucifer will almost die. If not aware of her power yet, Chloe will realize it now.

Pushed away from the one she loves she will just look at him and Eve together ( based on Lavi's video with Tom smoking close to an ambulance), realizing what she had and is risking to lose. I agree on all the angst and turmoil Sanoiro described. The only point now is how will Chloe react and also Lucifer. They will work together but at which level of personal relationship is not clear. Probably they will try to be just colleagues. But the reaction of Chloe in episode 7, with Eve touching Lucifer in front of her, speaks volume on her success.

My final question: will Eve try to get between them to win Lucifer back or to test Chloe to be sure she is ready for all the supernatural stuff?

[dreamersparacosm]

Theo Raeken - On My Mind (Part 3)

warnings ; bloodplay(kinda?), biting, oral (male on female), cursing, S M U T

 prompt ; in which theo visits you at your house in hopes of trying to make amends.

 a/n ; it's finally here!! part 3 of on my mind! sad to be writing the last installment to the vampire!theo series. it was great while it lasted :) thanks to everyone who read it! 

 | part one | part two | 

 ∆ On My Mind - Ellie Goulding ∆ 

 You were sitting on your couch after your long day at school, flicking through television channels mindlessly. You hardly cared about what show was on, but more over the fact that Theo was still on your mind, even though you had left school premises a long time ago. It seemed that nothing could make you forget the way his touch burned into your skin, imprinting on your flesh and scalding you. Everything hit you in flashes, a burning sensation always landing right in between your thighs.

 It was hardly fair that he was getting the most fun out of it. You wanted him to ravish you completely, in real life, where he could physically feel your body wither beneath his. You had made it your goal recently; only if he decided to ever speak to you again. It was a typical Theo Raeken move, to leave the girl he had just fucked empty. But you didn't care. You wanted more. 

 You knew it would take much more work than last time to even get Theo near you. It was obvious all the two of you wanted was to get on each other's nerves, and you had just done that with your last escapade. But you couldn't help the burning throb that encased your core, and you clamped your thighs shut together at the feeling. It offered little to no relief, and you melted into the couch in agony. You decided to text Lydia and tell her about your whole fling with Theo. After all, she was your best friend, and you couldn't hide it anymore from anyone. It was making you go insane. 

 To: Lydia Martin

 I did a really bad thing today.

 You only had to wait two minutes before a vibration sounded through your phone, and it seemed as Lydia was in shock. 

 From: Lydia Martin 

 What the hell did you do [Y/N]??

 To: Lydia Martin

 I may have had sex with Theo Raeken 

 Not even a second flew by before a text was immediately sent back from the aforementioned friend. 

 From: Lydia Martin

 GIRL WHAT THE FUCK I THOUGHT YOU TWO HATED EACH OTHER

 To: Lydia Martin

 He got into my head :( God I feel so bad but I want him so bad

 From: Lydia Martin 

 Girl go get your mans. Have you seen the way he looks at you? If a guy wanted me that bad I would make him come on the spot 

 You reread Lydia's text before deciding that she was right. Why would you waste your time with a game? It was obvious the two of you wanted each other, so it would be better to just fuck and get it over with. It would definitely make the whole 'in heat' thing much easier. You decided that you would wait until school tomorrow to convince him to come over to your house tomorrow night. 

 Suddenly, you heard the doorbell ring and you jumped in shock. You walked over to the door, thinking it was Lydia who probably raced down the block to get to you and hear the full story. You swung the door open, surprised out of your mind when you saw that it was not Lydia, but instead Theo Raeken. Standing in your doorstep. 

 You inhaled a deep breath at the sight of him. He looked so delicious in his navy blue tee and he couldn't hide the smirk on his face as you eyed him. "U-Uh, Theo. What are you doing here?" You had completely lost your cool that you had today at the gym.

 "What happened, baby? Cat got your tongue?" He stepped closer, only stopping as he felt the threshold between the door and the entrance of your house. You smiled sinisterly at him.

 "No, I'm fine. What brings you here?" You grinned widely as you watched him struggle with the threshold. You knew the only way for him to come inside was if you said the words 'come in' but he had to expect that it would be harder. He stopped struggling for a moment, surveying your outfit. You didn't realize you were only in short pajama shorts and a tank top. For a moment, you were surprised at how in awe he was at you. 

 "I just want to talk to you," He sounded as if he was pleading with you. 

 "Fine," you gave into him, rolling your eyes. "You can come inside."

 He walked in, passing the threshold of your house. You shut the door behind him, waiting for him to say something as he studied your house. You couldn't actually believe that he was standing in your doorway. And now that he was, you weren't sure you were going to be able to contain yourself, especially if he just wanted to talk. "So what did you want to talk about?" You crossed your arms over your chest, although you knew exactly what he wanted to say.

 He turned to you,"I want to apologize for my actions today. I didn't mean to come onto you like that. I just wanted to prove the fact that you liked me." 

 You were in shock. Did Theo Raeken just apologize for fucking you? That was definitely a first in history. You didn't know what to say, and for a few seconds, the two of you just stood there, eyes darkened with desire. You cleared your throat, "Right, well, I'm sorry too. I didn't mean to tease you like that in the gym today." 

 He nodded in reply, sticking his hands in his pocket. You leaned against the wall, unsure of what else to say to him. The way he looked at you was going to make you explode with pleasure. It was taking all your might not to pounce on him. "So friends then?" 

 You raised your eyebrows at his question, smirking lightly before saying, "I don't know, are you sure that's what you want to be?" 

 It was obvious neither of you were going to admit to anything unless you were forced. The sexual tension in the air was palpable, and it was making you choke with desire. All you could imagine was the image from a few hours ago, where you had your lips wrapped around his length, taking him in to the hilt. Seemingly, he had the same image replaying in his mind.

 "I'm sure." 

 You gulped down your saliva at his words, biting your lip and looking down at the floor. You didn't know what to say anymore. You were lusting after him, and it was useless if he wasn't reciprocating it. You felt stupid for a second. But then he took a step closer to you. And another. And another.

 It became obvious he wasn't planning on leaving anytime soon. 

 He tilted your chin upwards to meet his face, his lips teasingly hovering a few inches away from yours. With a deep inhale of breath, he muttered, "I can't deny you. I want you, [Y/N]. I want you so fucking bad." He could never mean the words he said to you before. Theo wasn't sorry for any of those things - he wanted more of it. 

 It felt like minutes upon minutes, seconds upon seconds, before Theo hastily pressed his lips against yours. You moaned into the kiss, your arms wrapping around his neck as you tasted the lips of a man you had been craving. He closed the space in between you two, tugging you closer to his body. You jumped up, his toned arms immediately catching you, your legs wrapping around his waist. Your fingers ran through his already messy hair, a grunt exiting his swollen lips. 

 His hands ran down your back, shivers encasing your spine. He dropped you gently onto the couch where you had sat an hour ago, his lips wandering down to your jawline, leaving open-mouthed kisses. Theo easily located your favorite spot on your clavicle, nibbling on it repeatedly. You let out a gasp, your chest heaving, "Theo," you whined. 

 Suddenly, you felt his fangs pierce into your soft skin, and an immediate moan exited you as he swallowed the blood that exited from the wound. He ran his tongue over it, healing it before working on the rest of your body. You sat up a little against the armrest of the couch, Theo removing your tank top and immediately perking up at the sight of you with no bra on. 

 He was growing impatient, and so were you. He took off your shorts, breathing heavily as he caught sight of your underwear that he had seen twice in the same day. But now it was actually real. He was actually going to make you come outside the realm of his mind. 

 You watched as he used his pointer finger to push aside your underwear, collecting your arousal in his finger. He brought his finger to his mouth, licking it clean as he said, "God, you taste so fucking good, baby."

 "Please, Theo.." you trailed off as he pressed a kiss to your underwear-clad clit. You squirmed at the action. Finally, he slipped your panties off, dropping them beside you on the floor. Your legs wrapped around his neck, pulling him in closer to your heat. He kitten-licked up your slit, and a groan of pleasure left your lips. 

 You could hardly move as his tongue began working in a figure-eight pattern, your body feeling paralyzed. You closed your eyes, savoring the moment that you knew wouldn't last forever. He nibbled on your clit, playing with it between his tongue. Your eyes opened from the action, reaching down to grab onto a fistful of his hair. "Theo, don't stop," you moaned out. 

 He noticed your chest heaving, sweat beading around your body as you neared your orgasm. He increased his speed, and you yelped in pleasure, your toes curling. He watched as your body convulsed from the pleasure, pants falling from your lips as a wave of pleasure began to wash over you. "Fuck, Theo. I'm gonna come," you announced to him. 

 The burning heat in your body erupted as you almost screamed from your orgasm impending on you. Your whole body shook and your vision turned white for a second as he continued to work you through your orgasm. He could feel your walls contracting against his tongue, and that you were finally coming down from your orgasm. "Oh my god," You lazily groaned as he removed his tongue from you, hovering over your body to press a quick kiss to your lips.

 He sat up, taking off his pants and boxers and sitting down on the couch. Theo gripped your hips, moving your body so that your entrance was over his hardened cock. Although you were still sensitive from your orgasm, you lined him up at your entrance, letting him fill you up. Almost immediately, both of you let out a moan of anticipation, finally happy that this was truly occurring outside of both your minds. 

 You took a moment to adjust to his size before you began to move slowly, rocking your hips and feeling his cock gently run against your g-spot. You hissed at the feeling. "You're so tight around my cock, baby," he encouraged, kissing your neck lightly as you began to move faster. He was breathless at the feeling of you wrapped around him. 

 You bit your lip to contain some of your moans as you quickened your pace. Theo thrusted his hips upwards to create more friction, and he let out a grunt at the feeling. Theo was in awe at the sight of your breasts moving erratically in front of him with each thrust. "Theo, fuck." 

 You couldn't hide the fact that you were ready to come again, but you wanted to hold on a little longer for him. He could tell you were close, and he let out a moan at the feeling of your walls clenching around his pulsating cock. One of your hands wandered down to your clit, stimulating the sensitive area, "Theo. Fuck, baby, I'm gonna come." 

 "Come on baby, come for me," Theo let you release, and as if on cue, you did. Your heart raced, chest heaving up and down as your orgasm rushed through you. Your legs shook, Theo having to hold you in place with his hands.

 Although you were in the midst of your orgasm, his pace didn't slow as he chased after his own release. He throbbed inside of your core, moans leaving his mouth, "Shit, [Y/N], I'm coming." 

 You watched as his lips fell open into an 'o' shape, and he pulled himself out of you immediately, semen spitting from him and dropping onto your stomach. You watched as he closed his eyes, leaning his head back. You used a finger to swipe up some of the white juice, placing it on your tongue and nodding in approval. Theo opened your eyes just as you were doing that, smirking at you before pressing a quick kiss to your collarbone.

 For a moment, you two just sat there. His back pressed to the couch, you still seated on his lap, knees bent. You didn't know what to say to the boy who had just given you the best orgasm of your life. "Well, I certainly wasn't expecting that," he finally said.

 You smiled at him, a gleam in your eye as you reached your hand to his crazed sex hair, trying to fix it, "Come on, baby, I'm not tired yet. Round 2?" 

 He couldn't even say anything before you leaned in to litter his neck with kisses. All Theo could do was smile; he had finally gotten the girl of his dreams, the one who just couldn't get out of his mind. 

 masterlist + request

[gabriellakirtonblog]

How to Help a New Mom Return to Heavy Lifting

I met Amanda about a year ago. A CrossFit athlete who’d trained throughout her pregnancy, she believed she’d done everything right. She’d listened to her doctor, her coaches, and her body. Sure, she had the occasional leak here and there, but she brushed them off as a normal part of pregnancy.

Six weeks after giving birth, Amanda received clearance from her doctor to resume her workouts, as many women do. But this time things felt different.

She realized that her core was caving inward. She started leaking more frequently during her training sessions. And she noticed what felt like “marbles” rolling down her vagina.

She sought out a physical therapist specializing in the pelvic floor. The news wasn’t what Amanda wanted to hear.

She was diagnosed with a hypertonic (overactive) pelvic floor and organ prolapse. Her therapist couldn’t assess the degree of her prolapse because her pelvic floor muscles were far too tight.

The therapist suggested Amanda suspend her strength training. Naturally, this was a hard blow.

That’s when Amanda hired me. During her initial assessment, I could hear the sadness in her voice. She felt her body was broken and blamed herself. At one point when I was checking her core, she jumped up at my touch and had to use the washroom.

In our first session, I had Amanda do the usual pelvic floor exercises—glute bridges, clamshells. I could tell Amanda was less than enthusiastic about this gentler program. She is, after all, an athlete at heart.

So I made a decision that would change the direction of my career. I put a barbell in her hands and got her lifting.

Amanda’s body language changed instantly. For the first time in a while, she was hopeful. I scaled back the standard rehab moves and taught her strategies to manage and heal her pelvic floor.

Amanda is hardly alone. There are lots of women out there just like her. They crave higher-level training and are bored and discouraged by traditional pelvic floor rehab, which feels like a massive step backward.

That’s why I switched my focus from everyday moms to postpartum female athletes dealing with pelvic health issues.

I focus on my clients’ strengths, not their symptoms. Your client, not her condition, comes first. That’s what I learned from Amanda. If they enjoy lifting, I’ll work with them to include it in their program in a safe, restorative way, because women heal best when they feel empowered.

I’m not saying there’s a quick fix. There isn’t. Depending on the severity of your client’s symptoms, it can take a year or more for her to get back to her 1RM, much less achieve a new PR. But those goals are possible, and these strategies will keep her moving toward them.

But first, a quick anatomy lesson.

What Is Pelvic Floor Dysfunction? 

It’s when your pelvic floor muscles aren’t working right. (Aren’t you glad we cleared that up?)

Your pelvic floor isn’t actually very floor-like. It’s more like a pelvic hammock, spanning from your tailbone to your pubic bone and supporting organs like the bladder, bowel, and abdomen.

When the hammock works like it should, it holds those organs in place and helps prevent leakage. But if it isn’t functioning properly, things can get pretty screwy (and more than a little damp).

Sometimes the urethral muscles are affected, causing leaks. Sometimes bowel control is compromised, causing … other leaks. And sometimes you get prolapse, when the organs inside the pelvis slip from their normal spot and bulge into the vagina.

Pregnancy and childbirth can trigger it, but in fact many things can bring the condition on: aging, chronic coughing, even heavy lifting. In fact, some one in three women have pelvic floor disorders. It affects more women than high blood pressure, diabetes, or breast cancer, but you don’t hear about it nearly as often. I mean, it’s not exactly cocktail party conversation.

But you will have to bring it up. Which brings us to the first item on our list of postpartum training do’s and don’ts.

Do: Ask your client’s consent to talk about it

Asking clients about their private areas can be uncomfortable. The only way to get past this is to ask for her consent. Ask for it early; ask for it often.

Here’s a script I’ll use:

“I see you’ve had a baby recently. Congratulations!

I’m going to ask you some questions that may seem personal. If you’re uncomfortable at any time, it’s 100 percent okay to tell me you don’t want to answer, and I’ll stop. Is that okay with you?”

Explain what the pelvic floor is and its anatomical purpose. Tell her that pelvic health symptoms can be common after birth and that there are things you can do to manage them and keep the pelvic floor safe during training.

Sarah Ellis Duvall, PT, DPT, CPT, recommends literally pulling out an anatomy book during this talk. Not only does this make it easier for the client to visualize what you’re explaining, it also makes the conversation feel less personal.

READ ALSO: “Why You Can’t Train a New Mom Like Any Other Type of Client”

Don’t: Do anything without professional guidance 

Next ask if your client has a pelvic floor physical therapist (physiotherapist in Canada). If she does, great!

But there’s a good chance she doesn’t; plenty of women are unfamiliar with pelvic floor physical therapy. In fact, it’s entirely possible that no one, not even her doctor, has asked about her pelvic floor function, much less explained treatment options.

While pelvic floor problems are common, they’re not normal, as many pregnant and postpartum women assume. And for anyone experiencing these symptoms, they can and should seek treatment.

In my opinion, seeing a pelvic floor PT is the best way to start.

If you need help finding one, try the American Physical Therapy Association. (And if you plan on training women with pelvic floor issues, I suggest you make some friends in that field.)

Have your client book an appointment and be sure she receives assessments both while lying down and standing up. Many therapists don’t think to do a standing assessment, but you don’t do many lifts from a supine position.

The therapist can provide your client with training guidelines based on the assessment results. For example, the therapist may recommend avoiding a wide stance, or single-leg or lateral moves, all of which are problematic for women with prolapse.

When one of my clients complained of incontinence and pelvic pain following her workouts, I collaborated with her physical therapist to come up with a routine where I’d have her lie down during breaks and focus on relaxing her pelvic floor.

Don’t be afraid to reach out to the physical therapist directly. Introduce yourself. Ask to have a copy of the assessment emailed to you. Make it clear that you want to work together for your mutual client’s benefit. In my experience, physical therapists respond very well to that.

READ ALSO: “Top Five Things to Know About Post-Pregnancy Clients”

Do: Coach her to do Kegels

Most women have heard of a Kegel, but that doesn’t mean they know how to do one.

They may squeeze too hard or too much, possibly leading to an overactive pelvic floor. Or they may be pushing down instead of lifting up and in.

A proper Kegel contraction should feel like you’re lifting your vagina and anus up and into your body, like you’re trying to pick up a marble using those muscles.

You hold it isometrically, and then relax the muscles. Both phases, contraction and relaxation, are critical for strengthening the pelvic floor. As Duvall explains in this video, it’s no different from building the biceps with arm curls: If you can’t work the muscle through a full range of motion, shortening and lengthening it, you won’t get all the benefits of the exercise.

To make sure your client is doing her Kegels properly, you need to be comfortable asking about it. Encourage her to work on them with her physical therapist. (Good thing you’ve made sure she has one!)

I like to have my clients work on Kegels by incorporating a diaphragmatic breath (aka connection breath, piston breath, and/or core breath). I usually have the client lie on her back, but she can also do this seated, side lying, or standing.

Have her lie on her back with knees bent and feet flat.

Tell her to imagine pulling her hip bones into her belly button. (This cues her to activate her transverse abdominis, providing extra protection and stability.)

Now have her inhale through her nose, drawing breath up into and expanding the ribcage.

Next have her exhale through her mouth (as if she’s blowing through a straw) while performing a Kegel, gently contracting her pelvic floor (20 to 30 percent of max effort is all it takes).

Big caveat here:

If your client has a hypertonic (overactive, excessively tight) pelvic floor, she may not be ready for Kegels yet.

That’s okay. Simply scale back the load until her PT gives the go-ahead to start doing them. At that point, you can work on building strength and endurance and gradually add back load.

Until then, she should focus on “reverse Kegels” — relaxing her pelvic muscles.

Don’t: Have her do the Valsalva maneuver

You’re probably familiar with the Valsalva maneuver, in which you hold your breath to stabilize your spine during heavy lifts. It puts a lot of pressure on the pelvic floor, which is bad news for a woman who’s still healing that area.

One solution is to teach your client a modified version of the Valsalva. I like to use Julie Wiebe’s “blow before you go” cue, telling clients to exhale slightly just before a lift. This relieves a bit of the intra-abdominal pressure.

But if even that is too much for your client, you may need to scale back the intensity to avoid any kind of breath holding. Once your client is symptom-free, you can reintroduce the Valsalva into her lifts.

Do: Incorporate Kegels into lifts

Cuing her to exhale slightly and do a Kegel before her lifts can help provide support. I’ll use the barbell deadlift as an example.

Begin with about 50 percent of her former 1RM. (If she doesn’t know her 1RM, aim for a weight she can use for 10 to 12 reps without straining.)

To perform: 

Have her stand with her shins against the bar, as she normally would, with her ribs stacked over her hips. (Depending on her symptoms, she may want to use a narrower stance.)

Have her hinge forward, maintaining a neutral alignment.

Have her grab the bar and inhale.

A split second before the lift, she should exhale slightly (“blow before you go”), perform a Kegel, and then complete the lift.

It may take her a few tries. But once she has the hang of it, she can use the technique when lifting anything—a barbell, a baby, a grocery bag. I encourage my clients to use it in their everyday lives for practice.

But once again, if she’s not ready for Kegels yet, do not have her do them during lifts. She may need to work with a lighter load until her therapist gives her clearance.

Don’t: Assume what works for one will work for all

Every woman is different. Each will progress at her own rate. I’ve had women who can add weight within minutes of learning this technique. Others may need several weeks before progressing. The goal is to find each client’s symptom-free zone.

Let her symptoms guide you. If she experiences symptoms during a lift, reduce the load by 10 percent and try again. (You can add reps with the reduced load.)

With my clients, I like to increase the weight every four weeks. But it’s always a judgment call. If she’s adapting well and up for the challenge, she may be able to add weight sooner. If she experiences symptoms, go back to the original weight and try again in a few weeks.

Do: Encourage her to take the long view

It’s natural for female athletes to want to pick up right where they left off, and it’s hard to accept when their bodies won’t let them. They may compare themselves to other postpartum moms who appear to have bounced back faster.

If a client makes a negative comment about her body or progress, I validate her by saying “I hear you.” Then I encourage her to talk. Most of the time, she just needs to process her feelings. It also helps to know she isn’t the only one who’s frustrated about her recovery process.

At the end of an intense or frustrating training session, I like having her lie on her back with her feet flat on the floor and do some diaphragmatic breathing for a few minutes. As she does this, I tell her to think about “opening up” her pelvic floor muscles.

It’s a positive, rejuvenating way to finish a workout.

Don’t: Think you’re an expert now

Don’t get me wrong: I’m really glad you’re reading this blog post. I hope it’s helpful. But please don’t assume you now know enough to train postpartum athletes. When it comes to a client’s health and safety, more education is always better.

There are some great resources out there. If possible, I recommend collaborating with a postnatal specialist, or at least a colleague who’s experienced in this area, until you’re ready to go solo.

I’ve taken and highly recommend the following courses:

Female Athlete: Ready for Impact and High Intensity (Julie Wiebe, PT)

Pregnancy and Postpartum Athleticism (Brianna Battles)

The Female Athlete: Bulletproof Your Core and Pelvic Floor (Antony Lo)

Snatch: A Female-Inclusive Approach to Kettlebell Training (Haley Shevener)

Remember, the more you know, the more confident you’ll be. And the more confident you are, the more comfortable your client will be.

Back to Amanda

After four months of training with me, Amanda saw her symptoms disappear. Her therapist was happy. Most important, Amanda was feeling like herself again.

We kept in touch, and about three months ago, I caught her performing a 265-pound deadlift for three reps. She was happy to report no leaking.

Amanda is now pregnant again, and we’re working together once more. She’s still lifting, but with a better understanding of pelvic floor health, she’s doing it in a safer way, scaling back to guard against any post-pregnancy pelvic floor dysfunction.

READ ALSO: “Exercising While Pregnant? Prenatal Training Advice for Personal Trainers”

Don’t get me wrong: I’m not saying you should push your client to go all-out. But I’m not saying you should treat her with kid gloves either.

What I am saying is that you’re not restricted to corrective moves on a yoga mat or stability ball. Those exercises can have a place in your client’s program. But lifting has its place too.

Teaching a postpartum client proper movement mechanics for lifting will help strengthen not just her pelvic floor but her confidence as well. And as we all know, it’s useful for everyday life.

I thought about this recently when I helped my husband lift a heavy piece of furniture. If I hadn’t worked toward regaining my 1RM after giving birth to my own children, I might be the one looking for a postpartum training specialist.

So I know from personal as well as professional experience that women with pelvic health symptoms don’t want to be coached as if they’re permanently damaged. And they don’t need to be. They’re resilient, not broken.

Coaching Pre- and Postnatal Women?

Is one of your career goals to help women enjoy healthy pregnancies, and to safely return to full strength as soon as possible after childbirth?

The Pre- & Postnatal Coaching Certification from our friends over at Girls Gone Strong can teach you everything you need to know. You’ll learn the skills and techniques to train women at all stages of their pregnancy and beyond. You’ll understand the biology, psychology, and physiology of pregnancy and childbirth, and come away with the coaching and communication skills you need to help your clients achieve their goals.

–> Learn more about Girls Gone Strong’s Pre- & Postnatal Coaching Certification

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