#FINALLY the possibility of my faves killing each other is real

[todayisafridaynight]

like a dragon ishin, just a week away

[mangoshorthand]

I hope this isn’t a weird request, but since you’re my absolute FAVE smut author I gotta ask. Since we got the threesome with the fives I’m BEGGING for one with y/n, even if it’s just a dream. Up to you but would love one xoxo

How very dare you, I'm a good Christian woman! 😲 Just kidding- I'm trash. Of course it's not a weird request. Also, thank you for saying that, it's nice to be somebody's favorite. ❤️ Here you go

Two Items of Business | Five Hargreeves/ f Reader 2.1k words

Even in the coldest nights alone in the apocalypse, Five could never bring himself to regret what he was. Although his power had gotten him into that situation in the first place and was then too underdeveloped to get him out, it was the thing that made him special: exceptional. 

Since then, he’d developed his thinking as well as his power. In his mid sixties, he’d finally grown up and come to a real understanding beyond surface acceptance: being special or exceptional by birth wasn’t a point of pride. On the contrary, the most special person he knew had no power like his and, in most conventional ways, was entirely unremarkable.  

Even so, Five’s power was part of him, integral to him. Regretting that he had his power would be like regretting that he had a nervous system.  So no: far from regretting that time and space travel was a frequent occurrence in his life, he loved it…and he never loved it more than the day he entered his bedroom to find his wife struggling with his wife held tight in a headlock. 

“You here to kill me? Is that it? You think you can take my place or something?” you said, tightening your elbow on her windpipe as she tried to throw you off. 

“Shit.” he murmured, blinking over and breaking it up as quickly as possible: releasing her from the grip of your arm and placing himself between the two of you. He stretched an arm each way, a hand on each of your chests to keep you at a safe distance. The other you staggered backwards, massaging her throat, breathing harshly and eyeing you with a look of hatred that you paid back double. 

smut below cut

He took in your appearance more closely: both were shining with the light film of sweat indicative of the experience of Paradox Psychosis. You were dressed identically, both in the short velvet skirt that was a favorite of his and wearing the same pair of high heels. Both chests heaved, breasts looking particularly full tonight as they strained against a tight crop top. Both of you scratched at yourselves compulsively, the itching too violent to ignore.

He knew he should be focusing here, trying to find out why his wife’s doppelganger had appeared and working to fix the timeline, but something about the pair of them, enraged and dressed like they were about to rub their asses against him sinfully on a dancefloor sent almost all practical concerns out of his mind. 

“Are you okay?” he said, addressing the version of you who came off worst in the tussle. She nodded and, reassured, he continued. This was a rare opportunity.  “I find myself in an interesting situation,” he said, smiling at the pair of them in that self-satisfied way he knew had the capacity to drop their panties in a nanosecond. 

They both scowled identically- beautifully, in his opinion. It made him laugh: they knew exactly what he was getting at. He removed his restraining hands, trusting them for now not to attack.

“The way I see it,” he continued, “we got two items of business that can be solved the same way,” he held up one finger and looked significantly from wife to the other, drawing their attention like a charismatic college professor. 

“Numero Uno, you ladies have a nasty case of Paradox Psychosis on your hands.”

You both made noises to object and deny the charge, but he waves them away and raises a second finger. 

“And two, you got a debt that just came due,” he felt he gleeful smile as it spread across his face. 

When you made the deal, he never expected you to have to uphold your end of the bargain. When a doppelganger of his had appeared, intent on saving your life, you had a threesome on the condition that you’d return the favor if the situation ever presented itself…and, unbelievably, the situation had just presented itself.

“We know that male orgasm temporarily cures paradox psychosis, so I think we should experiment to see if the same is true of women. You could even argue it’s our duty, actually. For science, you know?”

One of you rolled your eyes and scoffed while the other shook her head disapprovingly at his lame justification. 

“Come on…” he said, coaxingly, “you know there’s enough of me to go around.”

Briefly, the two of you looked at each other. Five could see the venom in that look, but also the decision. His excitement rose at the sudden understanding that this actually was going to happen.

“This doesn’t mean I’m not going to snap your neck,” you said, darkly.

“Likewise,” the doppel replied.

Five was too busy eating the sight up with his eyes to object to this exchange. They both turned back to him and began to remove their scant layer of clothing. Beneath, they wore underwear identical but for color: both wore lingerie in fine lace: red on one permutation of you and black on the other. Strange- he’d never been able to decide whether red or black was his favorite color on you. Both, of you he noticed, left your heels on, elongating legs that already drew his admiring eye under normal circumstances. Already, his dick was starting to strain against the cotton of his underwear. 

“So how is this going to work?” the other you asked, leaning over to remove her skirt in a way that gave him a spectacular view of her tits, “you going to get us off first?”

“Makes sense,” you agreed with her, reluctantly, “we should get rid of her paradox psychosis early.”

“Your paradox psychosis,” the other you spat back. 

“I’m afraid not, ladies.” said Five, calling their attention back to him, “Oh no, you’re gonna have to earn it.”

He looked at you both, at your irritated faces. Perhaps he should have felt bad, but he didn’t:  an opportunity like this didn’t come along very often. 

“You’re an asshole in every timeline, I see”, said the doppelganger. 

“You know it, baby,” he said, winking. As he unbuckled his belt, he raised an ironic eyebrow.

“So, why don’t you both suck my dick?”

To his surprise, with barely a moment of hesitation, the pair of you knelt, suddenly eager. Two pairs of the eyes he could always sink into are looking up at him, expectantly, like baby birds waiting to be fed. 

And he was happy to oblige.

His hands fumbled at his pants, unbuttoning and unzipping. You, in the red lingerie, caught at his waistband and pulled down his pants and underwear in one, allowing his boner to leap free. He was already uncomfortably hard with the anticipation of this and his flushed skin tingled pleasantly in reaction to the colder air outside pants. Both of his wives made small, appreciative noises, looking at his arousal with hungry eyes. Their expressions made his tip ache. As you helped him to step out of his pants, the other you took the opportunity of your preoccupation to swallow Five’s entire dick, giving you no space to wrap your mouth around him. 

His hips leapt forward at the unexpectedness. Heat bolted into his stomach and an almost bovine groan tore its way up his throat and out of his mouth. His hands, without his conscious permission, tangled in her hair to hold her head in place. Immediately, he fucked her throat, squishing her nose tightly against his pubis, hips ceaselessly trying to get deeper and deeper with his messy thrusts. Her mouth was filling with saliva, just adding to his sensation: warm, wet, tight. 

“Oh fuck, you take that so well,” he all-but whimpered.

Usually by this time, she would need a break to breathe, but not tonight: she was taking his cock like a champ. He could feel her throat relaxing and contracting around him deliciously, like the muscles of her pussy might. He bent over her head like a rutting dog, reaching his dick deeper and deeper. 

Clearly, you weren’t happy to let him forget about you, because soon he felt another mouth on him from behind, kissing his thighs and encouraging him to open his legs. He adjusted his posture to give you access. He gasped as you gently licked at one of his balls. When you took it into your mouth and sucked, he actually whined. After giving the other ball the same treatment, you placed soft kisses in a line up his taint. He made another small noise as he realized you were positioning yourself to rim him. 

“Oh my God,” he said, as much out of disbelief as pleasure. 

This surely couldn’t be happening? He’d never even fantasized about this idea, but the way his dick jumped in the other’s throat told him that he might be about to have an experience that would achieve pride of place in his mental spank-bank.

Your tongue wriggled against his asshole and he stopped thrusting immediately, lest he come in fewer than three pumps. The feeling wss like nothing he’d felt before: there was no slow build towards the edge. Instead, the orgasm reared, like an orchestra throwing away the sheet music and immediately playing the crescendo, the strings cutting into him with stomach-churning strength.

He gave a long, tense, drawn out, groan. He was torn, trying to simultaneously enjoy the feeling and not shoot his load too soon. Sensing this, the other you slid her lips back up his dick and, instead, licked softly at his tip.

There were two tongues on him: both stimulating the two of the most sensitive areas on his body. Though he was now further from the edge, the feeling was torturously intense. If the rest of the orchestra had quietened, the strings were still going: dueling fiddles more than filling the place previously occupied by the entire brass, woodwind and percussion sections. He screwed up his eyes and whispered dirty nonsense as the sloppy noises against his asshole intensified: you were swirling the tip of your tongue around his rim. 

“Holyfuckingshit…such a fucking slut- such a good girl. Oh yes…oh god, you’re perfect. My ass taste good? You fucking suck me again. Swallow me, baby.”

The other you obeyed, but this time his thrusts were longer, alternately pushing his dick into her throat as his hips surged forwards and then pushing your tongue past the slight resistance of his tight ring of muscle as his hips pulled back. He had a hand on the back of both of your heads now, pushing you both closer to the centers of his pleasure. His hips continued this-

“Five?”

- controlled movement as long as he could, but it didn’t take long before he couldn't keep it up any more. He held out for longer than three pumps, but not much longer. He came with a shout and harsh surges of vibrato. He was blinded by stars.

“Five?”

He awoke, the bedsheets tangled around him, heart rate high.

“Are you ok, darling?”

He took a moment to realize, lifting his head briefly off the pillow. As he moved, he could feel his erection shift against his stomach. Of course it was a dream: two of you prepared to fuck him, wearing skimpy clothes and lingerie? The way the Paradox Psychosis had just disappeared when it was erotically convenient? No wonder you weren’t suffering from the excessive gas- that wouldn't have been sexy. Hell, he’d even imagined your breasts larger than they really were. 

Even though wet dreams were a long way behind him, he was slightly dismayed to feel a small patch of precome soaking into his pajama pants. Still, to be woken by a good dream for once was a nice change from his usual nocturnal experiences. 

“I’m fine,” he said, slightly out of breath and voice still heavy with sleep, “I was dreaming. Sorry.”

You looked down at him with concern. 

“You were tossing and turning a lot.”

“Don't worry, I’m fine,” he said, as you ran your hand lovingly through his slightly sweaty hair.

“Come here, sweet guy,” you said, holding your arms open to him. He could hear rather than see the loving smile in your voice in the darkness of your bedroom.

He helped you disentangle him from the sheets and happily snuggled up against you, his nose buried in your hair and lips beside your ear. Even without two of you to drive him mad with your tongues, he knew he was still the luckiest man in the world: completely and utterly undeserving of you. One of you was more than enough for the likes of him.

After a moment, you kissed his cheek and spoke softly:

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Hidden from your view, he smirked. Slowly, deliberately, he moved his hips in a single, luxuriant grind, rubbing his still excited cock sinfully against your groin. As it poked suggestively between your thighs, he whispered low in your ear.

“It was a really good dream.”

Request masterlist >> HERE

NOTE: Heh. The dream idea was too good to resist. He deserves a nice sex dream rather than a PTSD night terror for once.

I take Five requests, I'm fairly versatile in what I write (fluff, smut, angst, psychological character study- I'll try it all) but I will consider them on a case by case basis. See masterlist for request status and more.

[shiplessoceans]

Alright, with episodes 6 and 7 dropping in a matter of hours, here is my brain dump of what I think might happen leading into the end of the season.

SPOILERS FOR UP TO EPISODE 5 OF SEASON 2 OF OUR FLAG MEANS DEATH

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Okay, so Ed and Stede are rebuilding their relationship, the crew are cool with Ed now as long as Stede says he's okay because they trust that Stede wouldn't let them be hurt. All our couples are happy and thriving and Izzy is stepping into his own, working out who he is out of Blackbeard's shadow.

So if everything is heading toward a happy ending, where does the narrative tension come from for the end of the season? David Jenkins has alluded that the planned arc would take three seasons to complete. Maybe he's not optimistic about a third season given the budget cuts for season two but I think we have a good shot.

I have two possibilities in mind for how the season might end:

Scenario #1:

In creating a more mature relationship, Ed and Stede can finally imagine spending the rest of their lives together and envision what that might look like. Only to realise they don't actually want the same things.

Blackbeard is done with piracy. I don't think Ed chose this life as much as he fell into it and realised he was good at it. In his imagined fantasies he wants to settle down on land and open a restaurant or an inn and be a regular dude with some keys and have a safe predictable life for a change.

Stede meanwhile, lived the safe life his whole life. He dreamt of piracy to escape the drudgery and he finally has what he always wanted. Excitement, adventure, a found family pirate crew and he's coming into his own as a natural born leader. Getting to experience daily the total exhilaration that comes from facing danger and living to tell about it.

Stede loves being a pirate and Ed doesn't. Ed wants a quiet life and Stede doesn't.

Even more heartbreaking, Ed would never want to take Stede away from the Revenge and his crew. And Stede would never want Ed to stay on board just for him.

Ed and Stede have helped each other to grow without realising they may have grown past each other. That may be where we leave them. Unsure as to how they proceed as a couple or even if they can.

Season 3 would be them finding a compromise.

(In my head, Ed and Stede invent cruise ships. Floating hotel and restaurant anyone?)

Scenario #2:

Everything is great, we are all about to live happily ever after and sail into the sunset and wait what's that? Ah. It's the consequences of our own actions.

The crew might have forgiven Ed but the rest of the world hasn't. Our faves are ambushed or betrayed (because that reward on Blackbeard's wanted poster is a big temptation) and Ed is captured, awaiting his death sentence. All the pirates gear up and rally to go save Blackbeard and that's where we end it leading into the final season.

Another prediction I have that I hope like hell is wrong...

We have had a lot of 'OMG I thought you were dead but you miraculously survived!' this season. I'm worried this means we might actually lose someone in the finale. Maybe someone is killed in battle which would raise the stakes again going into season 3 and now that our pirates have dealt with their trauma and own interpersonal issues, they are forced to reckon with the real enemy. The ruling class and social establishment that forces pirates to live on the fringes. The English, most likely.

Aight. I'm gonna peace out and hope like hell that by speaking this here that I have ensured none of this comes true because ow.

[aingeal98]

My favourite thing about the buffy fandom is that the show is filled with evil awful men who consistently drag Buffy down and make her miserable but fandom will ignore all that to focus on a few of the traumatized child soldiers who are either orphans or have abusive parents and they'll be like hmm actually THIS character sucks and is the worst because they were not nice to Buffy. If I ignore everything else and focus only on a handful of episodes it proves that they were horrible people the entire time and Buffy deserves better. The only one who was REALLY there for Buffy is MY fave.

(Their faves tend to spend a solid third of their screen time being misogynistic but shhhh no trust me he GETS Buffy like no one else. It's a special romantic bond, dark gothic horror or whatever. He calls her a bitch 10 times but look how sad he is when she finally snaps.)

Like absolutely Buffy deserves better she deserves therapy and a fresh start and healthy boundaries but we simply wouldn't have a show if they weren't all messed up kids with ptsd who hurt each other horribly and the love that saves them is also what dooms them, an endless vicious cycle until the whole city collapses. They start off as friends and end up as... something else. Buffy and Xander and Dawn are family and no matter what happens or how shitty they are to each other at times nothing can change that loyalty. It doesn't matter if x or y deserves better they're never going to go searching for it they've simply been through too much trauma for anyone else to come close! Willow would need an entire other post to summarize the friendship development she and Buffy go through but it's so good exactly because of how it goes from sweet to pure pain and grief.

Everyone is free to like and dislike whoever they want but I do feel bad for people who genuinely hate Buffy's friends because what a miserable way to watch the show considering what a huge part of it they are lmao. Yeah yeah Angel and Spike scarred her for life and their love is so powerful whatever. Willow literally will not let Buffy stay dead she is going to get an A in best friend sidekick, something that is normal to want and possible to achieve. Buffy has no choice in this she's the hero so get your ass out of heaven girl we need you to pose and fight monsters so Willow can pretend to have self esteem. Oh you got shot? Walk it off bullet fixed. You might be needed later if the one who healed you decides not to kill the entire world.

Cordelia and Anya take turns being the funniest and most refreshingly straightforward person on the show. Tara is genuinely lovely and I am so sorry Willow and the Scoobies happened to her but it is very nice that they all get a kind friend who stays kind until the end. Dawn is so fascinating her life is a horror story and she wasn't even real at first or there at all for the first four seasons and yet I clap and cheer whenever Buffy gets extra violent with the people that hurt her. Xander... yeah no I get the Xander hate fully he's exhausting especially as a teen. But the fact that the mental wellbeing of two of the most powerful people on this planet is tied to the aliveness of Just Some Guy? It's delightful. He made friends with a shy autistic girl in kindergarten and they later both trauma bonded to Buffy and it saved the world. Amazing.

[evax3]

Heya! I wanted to ask you… do you have any hope that the books will come out and we’ll finally know the real ending? And what do you think Jon and Dany’s endings will be? I keep on being optimistic we will get the real ending. And all I need for it to be perfect is Dany and Arya and Jon (my three favorites) surviving and being able to find peace and happiness after the hells they all suffered. As much as I want Dany and Jon to be King and Queen, I’ll settle for them living. But what do you think?

Hello my friend, thank you for the ask!! :)

regarding the books, I'm sure we’ll get to know the ending some day, one way or another. Whether they'll ever be published, I have little hope, but never say never. At least I assume that after his death there will be a "GRRM – Unpublished Works" collection or something similar in which we can read chapters from Winds and Dream of Spring as well as many other short stories about our faves. 

As for Dany and Jon’s ending, I highly recommend @hamliet 's meta’s. I love reading all of them but especially the analysis of Dany as a romantic heroine. It tells us so much about what we should expect for her endgame and why (it all makes so much sense!!). 

I assume Dany will set King’s Landing on fire. Not intentionally, but because her father hid the Wildfire under the city and Daenerys will accidentally blow it up with her dragons fighting against f!Aegon. I don't see her killing innocent people as some collateral damage, but I see her fighting her enemies with fire and blood (which imo makes all the difference).

The incident in KL will throw her into a crisis and I think only with Jon's help she’ll get out of it and pick herself up to fight with him against the real enemy aka the Others (I’m sure their decision to form an alliance is one of the last scenes of TWOW and in ADOS they’re already a couple romantically involved with each other). 

So I guess Winds will be about Dany conquering Westeros while Jon is a little lost, has to deal with the aftermath of his mutiny and then later his parental reveal, while A Dream of Spring will be more about their relationship and the Battle for the Dawn. I think Dany will be Azor Ahai and save Westeros with Jon by her side, but no one will thank them for that because of what happened before in KL (and also the general prejudice against their family). And that this is one of the essential elements that make the ending so bittersweet (as George has indicated). 

She and Jon will be the true heroes, the bastard and the exile, but no one is going to see it or give them credit for that.

GRRM describes himself as a romantic writer and romantic literature is shaped by the fact that it focuses more on the inner conflict than the external conflict. So I assume that all 3 (Arya, Dany and Jon - who are also my favorites) are mainly dealing with their identity crises in the following books. What is their purpose in this world? How do people's expectations fit with their own desires and ambitions? By the end of the story, these questions should be answered.

I think Arya is pretty safe, when it comes to staying alive. I'm not quite so sure about Jonerys/Snowstorm. As much as I want it, because of course I wish for a HEA for my favorite ship, I actually don't see the two of them ruling together. I think they'll fall in love and Dany will get pregnant (because them having a family with each other has been hinted at way too much and unlike D&D, George isn't just doing that only as "clickbait"). But my fear is that only one of them will be able to see their child grow up… 

And I'm not even sure what I actually want for their endgame if anything were possible? Probably to pack up their baby, Ghost and the dragons and then emigrate, lol. Maybe to Lys or somewhere warm? But they both have too much of a hero complex to ever pull that off ❤️

[prismatoxic]

chapter 8 gave me enough trouble that i think i'm allowed to be proud of it. here's my fave passages from it!

so most of these are related to the porn. if you clicked through i imagine you're not looking to go into the chapter blind or already read it, but otherwise, uh. surprise! they get each other off

Laios shifts to brace himself on one forearm, initiating another heated kiss as his free hand settles high on Chilchuck’s thigh. He’s cautious, but he’s also eager, and as he isn’t stopped on his way up and in, Laios seems to grow a little bolder. That, of course, is halted in place when running his thumb up along the seam of Chilchuck’s sweatpants makes Chilchuck just about jolt out of his skin. The kiss is broken again, and Laios gives him a concerned look, hand pulled back, as Chilchuck tries to come back to his senses. All at once he’s realizing how long it’s been. Sure, he hasn’t had real sex in years, but only now is he recognizing that the only thing he has had in years is his own hand—and so often that’s felt like a biological obligation, not something he actively wanted to be doing. How many times has he fallen asleep with his hand in his boxers? Now, confronted with the fact that he’s aroused and being touched by someone he’s attracted to, Chilchuck is painfully aware that he’s already oversensitive. This won’t take long.

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It rips through him like lightning, Laios’s face pressed into his neck as Chilchuck clings to him as tight as he possibly can, a vulgar string of half-foot swears spilling out of him as his inner muscles seize around the intrusion. It feels like it goes on for ages. As he comes down in the wake of it, breathing labored and ears ringing, Chilchuck dimly wonders if that pathetic display was anything like what Laios had been expecting. He goes limp with a strained sigh, and Laios laughs, nuzzling into his cheek as Chilchuck tries to regain his bearings. His whole body jerks when Laios removes his finger; he almost wants to protest the removal of the hand entirely, but then Laios draws back enough for Chilchuck to see that he’s examining it with intrigue, and even in the afterglow Chilchuck can feel his stomach twist at the implications. “Gross,” he mutters when Laios does actually put his finger in his mouth, but the pleased expression he sports about it says he doesn't agree with Chilchuck’s assessment. “You’re not kissing me again.” Laios lowers his hand and pouts.

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Laios doesn’t need to follow his gaze to know where he’s looking. “S-sorry,” he apologizes, leaning back farther on his hands. “Well I want to use my mouth, we don’t need to deal with that mess,” Chilchuck says, eyes glued to where Laios’s sweatpants are obscenely tented. “But fuck’s sake, Laios. You could kill me with that thing.” Laios doesn’t manage another apology before Chilchuck’s fingertips ghost up the length of his shaft through his clothes; instead he whimpers, and it’s more than evident that he won’t last long either. Maybe they’re made for each other, Chilchuck thinks sardonically, remembering one too many instances of he or Jay outlasting one another by miles. Glancing up as he gets Laios’s pants out of the way, Chilchuck sees he’s tossed his head back, red from his face down to his neck. “Don’t you wanna watch?” he teases, looking back down at his task as Laios’s exposed cock twitches desperately into his palm. He’s already making a mess, so much so that what he responds with doesn’t surprise Chilchuck at all: “I will come immediately if I watch you.” Chilchuck snorts out a laugh at that, smearing precum over the head with his thumb and admiring the way Laios looks like he can barely keep himself sitting up in response. “I believe that. It’s not like I didn’t just come explosively from three seconds of shallow fingering, though. You’re fine.”

---

Drawing back with a gasping intake of breath, Chilchuck licks his lips as a trail of cum dribbles down his chin. Laios finally looks at him again as he catches it with the back of his hand, and their eyes meet as Chilchuck drags his tongue over it. “You should eat more fruit,” he notes. Eyes hazy, chest heaving, Laios looks at him like he’s just spouted utter nonsense. “Never mind,” Chilchuck huffs, wiping his damp hand on his pants. “Come on, lay back down. You must be cold.”

---

“I kinda got the sense you were… good at this?” Chilchuck teases, wandering closer with his hands on his hips. “Was that wrong to assume?” “I’m usually more careful!” Laios exclaims, throwing one hand up in exasperation as the other stays on his camera. “I can’t—I can’t think. I’ve got other things on my mind.” “That so, baby boy?” Chilchuck asks in a sing-song voice, cackling when Laios immediately goes red. “Mean,” Laios mutters, and Chilchuck braces a hand on his thigh as he laughs harder. “You’re being mean.” “Now you know why my wife left me,” Chilchuck jokes with a grin, snickering at the look Laios gives him in response. “What? I’m allowed. It’s called gallows humor.”

---

Laios pushes away from the tree, still looking nervous. “So, um… what… are we, anyway?” Chilchuck clasps his hands behind his head, and Laios presses, “What is this?” “Well I don’t suppose you’ve been tailing me like a lost puppy for weeks just to be friends with benefits,” Chilchuck deadpans. Laios frowns, and Chilchuck sighs, tilting his head back into his hands and closing his eyes. “Your dad will kill you for having a half-foot boyfriend, you know.” He cracks one eye open. “You’re lucky I don’t especially care what he thinks.”

[beautifulduckweed]

Dear Yuletide Author 2023

Shh! Listen—can you hear it? That weird humming sound? That's me, vibrating with joy and anticipation for everything that Yuletide brings, especially what you, dear Yuletide author, have in store for me.

I’m beautifulduckweed on AO3. Below is a list of likes, a short list of DNWs, as well as my requests for Yuletide. I've included prompts, but please know that they are ABSOLUTELY just suggestions and points of inspiration; feel free to deviate from them, or ditch them entirely and write me something else. God knows I can’t write my own dang stories without taking several wild left turns along the way.

Thanks so much for my gift, and I hope you have a blast writing.

💖🥰 Some things I like 🥰💖

Crackfic and mashups. No premise to stupid, no crossover too incongruous. Listen, recently someone in another exchange requested John Wick x Marie Kondo and I have legit lost sleep thinking about that.

Sexytimes. Please note that I absolutely do not require sex! Some of my favorite exchange gifts have featured absolutely zero sex on page. But if the smutty muse strikes—well, far be it for me to stop you. My tolerance is…high. No, higher. No, no, higher than that. Look, I’ve been a denizen of the Internet long enough that I subscribed to porn newsgroups, OK? My constitution is CAST IRON. I especially enjoy service topping, orgasm control (delayed? denied? forced? ruined? YES), femdoms, people coming untouched, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, improbable feats of horny stamina, people losing control while fucking, gangbangs, and threesomes/moresomes/orgies. I also really love first times, and people finally dropping their defenses and allowing themselves to be vulnerable during sex, and the STOP MAKING LOVE TO ME WHEN WE'RE FUCKING trope. I do have a small list of smut no’s in the Do Not Wants section.

Tropes. Some of my fave tropes are idiots to lovers (idiot4idiot4eva), friends to lovers, forced proximity, cramming attractive people into corsets, drag queen AUs, SFF AUs of every stripe (daemon? Pacific Rim? Superhero/supervillain? Vampires? Inception? Yes yes yessss). I absolutely adore the golden retriever/hissy feral cat dynamic. I also like two soft-hearted dinguses doing their best and trying to treat each other right. And ain't nothin' wrong with enemies who are obsessed with each other who OOPS realize their preoccupation may be more than mere antipathy.

I’d also like to note that much as I love a fic that’s like, a trope confetti cannon, I also really love having tropes (and expectations) subverted. Like, take your standard daemon AU. What would happen if the main character and their daemon…didn’t like each other? What if they were, in fact, mortal enemies? It would be so fucked! I would love to read about it!!!

Horror and gore. I love scary stories and horror; I have a really high tolerance for gore. If you want to lean into action sequences, gore, and body horror, I am (with a few exceptions, which I’m gonna list in the DNWs) gonna be totally cool with it. I basically jumped straight from Enid Blyton to Stephen King. My childhood media consumption was very normal why do you ask 😊

And other stuff. If you want to fuck around with the format of the fic, play around with structure, format, voice, POV, all of it, please do. Here for any weird shit you care to toss my way.

I also really love having my sense of what’s real and what’s not messed with. Like, is it ever possible to have a fully reliable narrator? What is the nature of truth and reality anyway? What role does the overall narratorial voice or framing device of the story play in our perception of the story? I regret to inform you that I'm writing this 100% sober; this is just how my brain is all the time.

😭🚫Do Not Wants 🚫😭

Pet death. I am totally fine with, like, random rabbit needs to be killed for dinner while out in the woods, or oh no, we have to defend ourselves from a charging hippo or hostile lizard from outer space.

Animal cruelty. Brief mentions of stuff happening in the past or whatever are fine; seeing an animal tortured on-page is a big no.

Major character death. Random minions, as always, can be sacrificed to the storytelling gods. NOTE: Major character undeath fine.

Kink and smut no’s: I’m not into blood, scat, vomit or piss. Please no noncon/dubcon where a woman is the victim. NOTE: sex pollen scenarios whereby everybody loses their mind simultaneously is totally fine, as is Fuck or Die.

Unhappy/hopeless endings. Bittersweet is fine; endings where it’s clear a cost has been paid and everybody’s changed etc. etc. also fine, but like, please don’t leave the characters absolutely miserable or unrelentingly tormented by their demons (unless the demons are sexy and the torment is also sexy).

Breakups without makeups: If I requested a canon pairing, or if you decide to write a shippy pairing, please leave their relationship intact at the end of the story. It can take a battering! Just don't break them—or my poor little heart—apart. NOTE: If you're writing a missing scene that takes place while or leads up to a period when the characters are canonically on a break, leaving them broken up or the fight unresolved is fine, because I know canon takes care of things.

🍪🧁Treats 🧁🍪

Are very yes. Love me some treats!!!

📝🎅The Requests 🎅📝

Fandom: The Gentle Art of Fortune Hunting - K.J. Charles

Characters: Alice Fenwick, Marianne Loxleigh

Thoughts/Prompts: I am a simple bean, and all I want is Alice and Marianne having adventures. Maybe some lesbian porn. Or platonic lesbian BFF vibes. You can have 'em fall in love, or become platonic life partners, or fuck a lot and never fall in love, or start an elaborate grift or heist together. Like, wouldn’t it be hot if Marnie decided Alice needed some tutoring in the ways of fuckboys, lured one in, and used him to tutor Alice in the ways of satisfying herself while not getting pregnant? I’m seriously down for whatever.

Also, as with all of my fandom requests, please feel free to drag in as many other characters in as necessary. The more, the merrier; I just want Alice and Marnie’s relationship front and center.

Crack Prompts: Hey what about a vampire AU? Marnie as a vampire would be hot—hundreds of years of grifting, and GOD what the hell is up with this entirely-too-nice nerd oh WHOOPS turns out she’s her generation’s foremost vampire hunter. Alice as the vampire would also be amazing—Marnie tries to con Alice and discovers she’s bitten off more than she can chew (ba-dum-tish).

Vampire AU not your cuppa? How about crossovers with literally any other KJC universe? Stick ‘em in Magpies, or have them tangle with the Lilywhite Boys, solve a murder mystery with Pat and Fen, cosh some villains on the head with the Will Darling crew, accidentally fall into an orgy with the Murder, be pulled through time by one of the Green Men. I have read all the KJC books and extras. Go nuts.

Fandom: England Series - K.J. Charles

Characters: Bill Merton, Jimmy Yoxall

Thoughts/Prompts: Look, I love idiots, and these two are SUCH MAGNIFICENT IDIOTS. Jimmy is a giant doofus, and Bill thinks he's smarter, but all evidence points to him being at least as big an idiot when it comes to matters of the heart. I get all feral and heart-eyes over these two nincompoops. I will accept any and everything for these two: fics of the two of them getting to know each other during their university days, falling in love in London, THAT HORRIBLE FIGHT AFTER BEN HUR. Whatever. I ain't picky. I also said one time that they'd be great in Lower Decks and ever since then I may have brainwormed myself a little. They'd be so good in the USS Cerritos! Also down 2 clown with like, incongruous mashups---like John Wick? God, what if Jimmy Yoxall was just really weirdly good at murder, and Bill has to keep his stupid ass alive?

Opt-in for this specific fandom: waiving the breakup without makeup DNW for anything that takes place pre-Proper English events.

Fandom: Fire Island (Movie 2022)

Characters: Noah, Will

Thoughts/Prompts: Goddd, over a year later and it's still my favorite Pride and Prejudice adaptation to date. The found family vibes! Noah explicitly being non-monogamous! The dynamics between ALL the characters, but especially Noah and Howie!!! I am down for whatever for this fandom. Wanna write a big ole sweaty orgy? Have the entire crew go on a giant chaotic family vacation together? (Maybe even…the following year’s trip to Fire Island???). Somebody somehow manages to dare Will into entering a drag contest, and it’s gonna take everyone’s help to make this happen. Noah suddenly finds himself a TikTok sensation and gets into a weird Twitter beef with Taylor Swift.

Crack Prompts: These fools would be incredible in What We Do in the Shadows and Our Flag Means Death.

ALSO, oh my god: since this is a Pride and Prejudice retelling, how about sticking ‘em in a Regency romance novel? I’m inordinately fond of Loretta Chase, and the thought of these four idiots running amuck in the ton is giving me so much glee. Like, think of the Lord of Scoundrels retelling: Will is determined to rescue his idiot friend Charlie from the toils of Noah, a notorious rake, only to find himself reluctantly falling for Noah’s charms. And in the meanwhile, Charlie is falling in love with Howie….

[tutuandscoot]

Also favourite program endings

Same with openings I’m gonna do 3 and count ‘ending’ as roughly last 8 counts

(In no particular order)

1. Carmen

This is the second version of the ending, which I much prefer to the first (with the shield lift). I like that with her adding the arm, it appears more violent. It’s also such a shift in power dynamic for them (the whole program is, but it’s particularly poignant in the ending). They had said that they made a twist to the ending in that Carmen doesn’t actually die but it’s Don Jose who is kind of this ruined man- so whether you want to view this as they say, as her killing him (which is how I viewed it for a while), or Carmen- in her own death, gaining symbolic freedom from Don Jose.

I love the physicality of it. I love that she has her hand on his chest and as he falls that becomes her holding him by his throat. Obviously she isn’t holding all his weight just with that arm- he holds her round her hips- but even then she has to be so strong and steady as the base for that pose. His desperation in that pose- just completely ruined. He plays that so well and it always gives me chills thinking about that moment and just surrendering to her and (whatever conclusion you draw from it) the violence of that movement, then having to pull themselves out of straight away for their bows. This is one of those programs where no matter how it went they would immediately hug afterwards and I think that’s because it’s such a character driven piece they hug to pull themselves back to reality as quickly as possible- because as they are, as T&S, they do not want to be violent with each other, so they hug as quickly as possible to get back to that comforting place.

2. Moulin Rouge

There were a few different versions of the MR ending (I think 4 if you include the original one from the documentary) these are my two favourites from competition. The first if from GPF which is one of my fave performances ever. This performance was so emotional and that’s especially evident in the ending. That last look at each other, their foreheads falling together, it’s like she’s saying in her last dying breath ‘I love you. Goodbye’. And then Scott’s reaction is so perfect. It’s so perfectly timed so when she drops his reaction is delayed slightly- it’s not anticipated coz he knows it’s coming. His face when he sees she’s dead just breaks my heart. It feels so real.

The olys version. That final lift is just so perfect. Literally the perfect lift for the music, the story, the moment, everything. It’s one of those moments that stayed with me long after first watching it. TBH I like the story better from the earlier versions with her gradually dying and showing that through the chore. I felt the ‘death’ scene was a bit quick in the final version, but with this lift it makes it- it’s so clear. That’s exactly the image that says what’s happening. Her falling backwards in his arms, (appearing) totally limp, his arms at more or less 90degrees, splade hands, screaming into the sky. Then the timing as he throws her back.. chefs kiss 💋

3. Latch

This is the ending they settled on after SCI. The first is from NHK where the lift finishes low, and the second of from nationals where they added the rise up before the final pose. I don’t really have a favourite between the two. I like the intimacy of the first one but I will say, in general, I liked the musicality better as they moved through the season- maybe that was a factor in changing the lift (or just adding more difficulty). I love this ending pose so much coz they get to cuddle 🥰. It’s reminiscent of Mahler but a much more raw, emotional desperate version of it- that needing to be close. I love it coz from first glance it looks like it’s Scott embracing Tessa- that’s the initiation, but the more I’ve watched it and what I feel from the story, is it’s really Tessa embracing him, telling him it will all be ok and just letting him take her back and her cuddling his head saying she’s here for him. And he embraces her as if she just saved his life. I’ve also just got to add how lovely it is how In the NHK version Scott makes room for Tess to get her knees around to lay her back. He puts her down so, so gently so she doesn’t hit her knees on the ice and just partners her at her waist (kinda like a partner pirouette) to have most aesthetic and comfortable position for her to to get to. not putting timing or his own position ahead of her In importance- making sure she’s in a comfortable spot. I was watching Latch at some point recently and was so moved by it that by the end I just thought, that if they could of (like if it was allowed in the rules) they would’ve just collapsed on the ice together embracing as they do here, just lying, rolling, hugging and crying, playing with each other’s hair with some of their little nose boop/twirling moments. I know that seems like a lot but I can totally imagine them doing it and being totally comfortable doing it. Fuck the ISU for not allowing for than one knee on the ice.

[monotonous-minutia]

Brief history of Les contes d’Hoffmann edits (the short short version) + Summaries!

Kudos to anyone who gets through all of this, but I recommend at least reading the first part if you plan on watching this opera next week for Operablr Pride Month. It will help you find/choose a version to watch!

For the differences in the summaries to make sense, we need a little background info.

The very very very short version of why there are so many edits:

Offenbach died before he could finish the score. Most of the prologue, Olympia, and Antonia acts were done; the Giulietta act and the Epilogue were not, which is why those are the parts that vary the most across the different edits. Additionally, much of the material that varies belongs to Nicklausse/the Muse. The reason for this is that the mezzo in this role cancelled last minute, and the replacement didn’t have time to learn the entire role before the performance, so the Muse monologues, Violin Aria, and much of Nicklausse’s dialogue were cut; the ending monologue was replaced with spoken speech. Since the premiere—which is another story for another time—several conductors, directors, and music scholars have attempted to reconstruct the opera based on Offenbach’s drafts and notes, and in some cases their personal preferences. Additional shoutout to good old Guiraud, who finished a lot of the orchestration that Offenbach didn’t get to, which is some of the only stuff to survive most edits.

Also, I should say: apparently in addition to there being no definitive edition of this opera, there’s no definitive history either. I swear every book/article I read about it says something different so this is the best I could do. So if there are any inaccuracies, apologies in advance.

Now there are a lot of people that have tinkered with this opera, but there are a few main ones that compiled what are dubbed “critical editions,” because they did a bunch of research and a lot of people end up using edits based on what they did.

In chronological order, those critical edits are:

Choudens: The shortest version, and one most people are familiar with.

Oeser (1): Longer with a lot of missing material added, also fairly well-known.

Oeser (2): Even longer with a ton of new stuff added! (My personal fave but pretty rare)

Kaye/Keck: Uses some of the material rediscovered by Oeser, but also adds a ton of other stuff, particularly in the Giulietta act, as well as re-orchestrating significant portions. Not many of these either.

and apparently there’s another one called “OG Offenbach” or something like that but as far as I can tell there haven’t been any recordings of it or much about what it looks like, but from what I gather it’s fairly similar to that last one, with some adjustments based on yet more new-old material discovered.

And, of course, every single production I’ve ever seen/heard puts its own spin on things! So while most have the general formats as seen below, literally no two are exactly alike.

A bit more detail on the versions:

Choudens

This is one of the first people to edit the material after it was butchered for the world premiere. It’s the short version of the opera with the most material missing, though to be fair he did improve upon what it had been before. His is (unfortunately) the edit most people are familiar with:

Prologue: Chorus of Spirits of wine and beer. Lindorf monologues about stealing Stella from Hoffmann. Students party in the tavern and ask Hoffmann to tell a stoy; he sings the famous "Ballad of Klein-Zach." When taunted by Lindorf about his love life, Hoffmann decides to tell everyone the tales of his Three Great Loves. Act I: Olympia. Hoffmann is in love with the “daughter” of Spalanzani, his science professor, unaware that she is a robot. Coppélius sells Hoffmann magic glasses that make him believe Olympia is a real human, despite Nicklausse's insistence that she is a mechanical doll. Olympia is presented to the guests at her coming-out party; they marvel over her. Hoffmann serenades her and dances with her, but Coppélius arrives to take her apart, and Hoffmann realizes he’s been in love with a robot the whole time. Act II: Giulietta. Choudens put the Giluietta act second instead of Antonia. At a party, Nicklausse and Giulietta sing the famous Barcarolle; Hoffmann counters with an aria about how love is futile. Nicklausse tries to warn Hoffmann to be careful of Giulietta's lover, Schlémil, but Hoffmann of course does not listen. Dapertutto arrives and makes a deal with Giulietta to trick Hoffmann. Giulietta seduces Hoffmann and steals his reflection. When Hoffmann realizes his reflection is gone, we get the famous Septet (the only thing I’m grateful to Choudens for). Afterwards, Hoffmann kills Schlémil  to get the key to Giulietta’s room, but Giulietta leaves with Pitichinaccio instead. Act III: Antonia. The singer Antonia is sick and it’s her singing that is killing her. Hoffmann, who’s been looking for her for months after Antonia and her father moved specifically so he couldn’t find them, has finally found her. They promise to run away and get married, but before they can, Dr. Miracle forces Antonia to sing until she literally dies. Epilogue: Hoffmann has finished his stories. Nicklausse makes the connection that all three ladies are actually metaphors for the real-life Stella. Hoffmann yells at him. Stella walks in on a drunk Hoffmann who mistakes her for his lovers; she leaves in a huff with Lindorf. Nicklausse reveals his identity as the Muse (in spoken dialogue) and asks for Hoffmann’s devotion. Hoffmann gets a reprise of his Giulietta act aria, but this time committing himself to the Muse and his art.

Oeser (1)

This one, which is also very common, isn’t Oeser’s *actual* edit but combines his with the Choudens one, so it has a lot more material than the previous one, but not as much as the longer Oeser version.

Prologue: Very similar to Choudens except we get the Muse’s opening monologue explaining their motivations (winning Hoffmann and saving him from Stella) before the rest of the action. Act I: Olympia. Pretty much the same but sometimes Nicklausse gets a different aria. Act II: Antonia (which here comes before Giulietta). Almost exactly the same as Choudens’, but Nicklausse gets to sing a lovely aria about love and art which is really a love song for Hoffmann. Act III: Giulietta. Pretty much the same, except it’s the third act instead of the second act. Epilogue: Starts pretty much the same, until the Hoffmann/Stella confrontation which is now put to music. Then we get a reprise of Klein-Zach followed by the drinking chorus, after which the Muse reappears. The opera ends with the Muse’s closing monologue and chorus about how Hoffmann’s suffering will make him a greater artist.

Oeser (2)

Pretty similar to the short Oeser version described above. The most dramatic changes are really just in the Giulietta act, though there’s some extra material in Olympia too (that one waltzy duet I’m always gushing about) and sometimes more sung material for the Muse in the epilogue as well. Oeser’s longer Giluietta act: Has the same basic plot points, except instead of going right from Dapertutto making the deal with Giulietta to Giulietta seducing Hoffmann, we get a gambling scene where Giulietta serenades the guests as they play cards, during which each of the characters gets a little moment. Then Giulietta leaves and Hoffmann follows her, and she sings sadly about her dismal situation which leads into her seduction of Hoffmann, and the rest of the act ends pretty much the same, except sometimes there’s no Septet.

Now, on to possibly the wildest of them all:

Kaye/Kecke

This one is rare; there’s only a few recordings that even attempt it, and very few get it to the letter of what these two scholars compiled. Once again, most of the changes are in the Giulietta act and Epilogue; the only real changes in the previous acts are in the orchestration of some parts. Kaye Giulietta Act: Starts pretty much the same, with the Barcarolle and Hoffmann’s derisive aria, and Dapertutto making the deal with Giulietta. We get a gambling scene here too, but it’s not as long or dramatic and Giulietta gets a different aria. Hoffmann kills Schlémil for the same reasons, but it happens before Giulietta steals his reflection; essentially she’s bribing him before she pretends to fall in love with him. Hoffmann gets in trouble for killing Schlémil, and in a fit of rage tries to kill Giulietta, but kills Pitichinaccio instead. Kaye Epilogue: It starts with a chorus for the students kinda trying to talk Hoffmann down from his crazy stories. We get the same Nicklausse-Hoffmann confrontation, and the one with Stella, and a reprise of Klein-Zach, but in addition to the drinking chorus repeating we get a kind of ominous reprise of the “Glou! Glou!” chorus from the prologue, after which the Muse enters and we get the same ending monologue but it’s got some extra pieces.

So the short short version ended up pretty long huh? Anyway, I hope it's helpful!

If you want more detailed summaries to follow along with when you watch the opera, see below!

More detailed summaries!

Choudens

Choudens is one of the the first critical edits of the opera and, despite the fact that it’s been discredited multiple times, is still inexplicably used a lot and is what a lot of people think of when they think of this opera.

Prologue We open in Luther's Tavern. A chorus of the Spirits of Wine and Beer sing out. The Councilor Lindorf comes in and bribes Andrès, a tavern employee, into giving him a letter from Stella, an actress, that’s addressed to Hoffmann. Lindorf reads the letter, in which Stella has included the key to her room and invites Hoffmann to join her after her performance that evening. Lindorf keeps the letter and key for himself. A group of students arrive in the tavern and sing a rousing drinking chorus. After a bit they notice Hoffmann isn’t there yet and demand to know where he is. Luther, the tavern's owner, tells them Hoffmann is on his way, along with his friend Nicklausse. The pair enter and take a seat. Hoffmann is melancholy and brooding, which prompts the students to ask him for a jovial song to lighten the mood. Hoffmann then sings the famous “Ballad of Klein-Zach.” But in the middle of the song, he gets distracted by memories of Stella. The students bring him back to reality and he finishes the song, but the talk of love brings it up as a topic of conversation. Hoffmann declares “The devil take me if I were ever to fall in love!” At this point Lindorf makes his presence known, sneering at Hoffmann. The two of them then get into a battle of words, during which Hoffmann inadvertently admits that he is, in fact, in love with someone. Curious, the students ask him for the story of his love. Hoffmann declares that he has had not one but three mistresses: an artist, a young girl, and a courtesan. He then begins to tell his tales. Act I: Olympia. Hoffmann goes to visit his science professor, Spalanzani, to declare his devotion to science. Spalanzani commends him, then leaves to prepare for his “daughter” Olympia’s coming-out party. Hoffmann admits his love for Olympia and gazes at her through a window. Nicklausse arrives and gently teases him about his love, singing a song about a mechanical doll and bird. Hoffmann brushes him off. Coppélius, an eccentric saleman, enters and displays his various wares, including a variety of contraptions but primarily eyes. He manages to get Hoffmann interested in a pair of magical glasses, which Hoffmann then purchases and wears for the remainder of the act. Spalanzani returns and gets into an argument with Coppélius about Olympia; Coppélius wants a share since she has his eyes. Spalanzani decides to pay Coppélius with a check that he mentions in an aside he knows will bounce. Coppélius tells Spalanzani that he should get Hoffmann to marry Olympia as a joke. Spalanzani agrees, and Coppélius leaves. Cochenille, Spalazani's assistant, announces the arrival of the guests. A chorus of people arrive, admiring Spalanzani’s skills as a host. Spalanzani introduces Olympia to the guests, who marvel over her perfection. Olympia sings a charming songs about birds and love. Hoffmann's new glasses make him see Olympia as a real person rather than the robot she actually is, and he is captivated. After Olympia’s song, the guests leave to go to dinner, but Spalanzani asks Hoffmann to stay behind with Olympia. Hoffmann professes his love for Olympia, who responds only with “Yes” when Hoffmann touches her shoulder (he doesn’t know he’s actually triggering a button that makes her say that word). When he goes to embrace her, Olympia runs off. Nicklausse returns, telling Hoffmann to be wary, because everything is not as it seems; Hoffmann brushes him off yet again. They leave to join the other guests. Coppélius enters, furious with Spalanzani for giving him a faulty check. He swears revenge and runs off. The guests return for dancing. Spalanzani asks Hoffmann to dance with Olympia. During the dance, Olympia goes haywire and rushes offstage, pursued by Cochenille. In the process, Hoffmann’s glasses are broken. Cochenille rushes back onstage, crying out that Coppélius has Olympia; Spalanzani rushes to her aid, only to find Coppélius with the robot in pieces. They return holding parts of the broken doll, and Hoffmann, his magical glasses now broken, finally sees Olympia for what she truly is and is

humiliated. Act II: Giulietta (Choudens is the only edit that has Giulietta second instead of third) Venice. The courtesan Giulietta is having a party of sorts. She and Nicklausse sing the famous Barcarolle. Afterwards Hoffmann mocks them with a song of his own condemning love and romance. Schlémil, who is in love with Giulietta, enters and makes it clear he is suspicious of Hoffmann when Giulietta introduces him. Giulietta then leads her guests out to play cards. Hoffmann is about to follow when Nicklausse takes him aside, warning him against Giulietta and asking him to leave. Hoffmann says there’s no way he could fall for someone like Giulietta, and if he does, may the devil take him! (He really needs to stop saying that.) After Hoffmann and Nicklausse leave to play cards with the others, the Captain Dapertutto comes in, announcing he plans to thwart Hoffmann with the help of Giulietta. He attracts the courtesan with a diamond (and a deceptively pretty aria) and tells her she needs to steal Hoffmann’s reflection for him. Giulietta agrees to do so in exchange for the diamond. Hoffmann returns and Dapertutto leaves. Giulietta seduces Hoffmann, who serenades her with a fairly famous aria that gets reprised later for a different reason (keep an eye out for that). Knowing she has him on the hook, Giulietta demands his fidelity—and his reflection. Helpless against her charms, Hoffmann agrees to both. Schlémil, Dapertutto, and Nicklausse return. Giulietta tells Hoffmann that Schlémil has the key to her room, and if Hoffmann can retrieve it, she’ll meet him there later. Dapertutto taunts Hoffmann, who looks in a mirror to find that his reflection is gone. Nicklausse begs him to leave but Hoffmann refuses, still clinging to the hope that Giulietta actually loves him. However she only mocks him, and he despairs, starting everyone off in the famous Septet (or "Sextet and Chorus"). Giulietta leads everyone back to the party, except Schlémil, who challenges Hoffmann to a duel. Hoffmann kills Schlémil and takes the key. He rushes to find Giulietta, only to see her riding off in a gondola with her real lover Piticchinaccio, both of whom are laughing at his expense. Nicklausse tells Hoffmann the police are coming to look for Schlémil’s murderer, and finally drags him away. Act III: Antonia Crespel’s house. Antonia laments the death of her mother and her separation from her lover, Hoffmann. Her father, Crespel, enters and reminds her not to sing, lest she die from it like her mother did. Antonia promises him she won’t sing anymore and leaves sadly. Crespel asks his servant Frantz to watch the door and make sure no one comes in. Frantz, who is partially deaf, only half-understands him. Crespel expresses frustration at this and leaves. Frantz remarks in a fun little number that if only he had some talents—like singing or dancing—maybe his boss would appreciate him more. Hoffmann enters with Nicklausse; they have been travelling for weeks looking for Antonia after she moved away without a word. Hoffmann asks Frantz to find Antonia for him. When the servant leaves to do so, Hoffmann begins to sing a song that he and Antonia wrote. Antonia hears him and rushes to meet him; Nicklausse exits quietly. Hoffmann and Antonia rejoice over their reunion and pledge to get married. Hoffmann expresses concern over Antonia’s insistence to sing despite her ill health. Antonia convinces him to sing their song together, which they do. Afterwards Antonia becomes tired. Before Hoffmann can react, they hear Crespel coming. Antonia flees, but Hoffmann remains, hiding so he can eavesdrop on Crespel. Frantz returns and tells Crespel that Dr. Miracle is here, having misunderstood Crespel’s command to not let anyone in. Dr. Miracle enters, asking to see Antonia. Crespel refuses and tells him to leave, saying that his faulty medicine is what killed Antonia's mother. Dr. Miracle, however, remains, and pantomimes an interaction with Antonia where he checks her pulse and orders her to sing. Offstage, Antonia responds with a scale. Dr. Miracle tells Crespel that

Antonia is dangerously ill, and gives him

two vials of medicine that he says will cure her. Crespel refuses them, calling the doctor a murderer and chasing him out. Hoffmann comes out of hiding, stunned by this encounter. Antonia returns and asks Hoffmann what her father said, thinking that he and Hoffmann had been talking this entire time. Hoffmann, disturbed by what he’s seen and heard, makes Antonia promise not to sing. She agrees, but when Hoffmann leaves (promising to return for her later) she laments that Hoffmann is now on her father’s side about her singing. Dr. Miracle returns as a disembodied voice, taunting Antonia. Why should she give up singing just because her father and Hoffmann tell her to? Doesn’t she want to be a great singer like her mother? When Antonia rebuffs him, Dr. Miracle calls on the spirit of Antonia’s dead mother, who leads Antonia in a frantic refrain. Antonia, exhausted by the singing, collapses. Crespel rushes in to see his daughter dying on the floor. She tells him she sees her mother, then sings a part of her and Hoffmann’s song, before dying in her father’s arms. Hoffmann rushes in just in time to see Dr. Miracle pronounce Antonia dead. Epilogue Back at the tavern, Hoffmann finishes his tales. Offstage, cheers and applause are heard for Stella as her performance comes to an end. Nicklausse announces a revelation—all of Hoffmann’s lovers in his stories are just manifestations of his real love for a single woman, Stella. Furious, Hoffmann shouts Nicklausse down, then deliriously leads a reprise of the drinking chorus. Stella enters looking for Hoffmann, only to find him dead drunk. He mistakes her for his three fictional loves, then rejects her. Offended, Stella leaves with Lindorf. The students all leave and Hoffmann is alone with Nicklausse, who reveals himself to be the Muse of Poetry. The Muse declares her devotion to Hoffmann and asks for his in return. Hoffmann, hearing this, repeats his song from the Giulietta act, this time declaring his love for the Muse and promising to return to his art.

Oeser (1)

The short Oeser version is the other Most Commonly Seen edit (I think it’s about a tie). It's similar to the Choudens edit in many ways, with some significant additions, which are in blue below: Prologue We open in Luther's Tavern. A chorus of the Spirits of Wine and Beer sing out. The Muse emerges from a barrel, declaring her love for Hoffmann and determination to rid him of Stella, the “siren” who has stolen his attention (and affection). She tells the audience that she will disguise herself as Nicklausse, Hoffmann’s friend, in order to try one last time to win him tonight. The Councilor Lindorf comes in and bribes Andrès, a tavern employee, into giving him a letter from Stella, an actress, that’s addressed to Hoffmann. Lindorf reads the letter, in which Stella has included the key to her room and invites Hoffmann to join her after her performance that evening. Lindorf keeps the letter and key for himself. A group of students arrive in the tavern and sing a rousing drinking chorus. After a bit they notice Hoffmann isn’t there yet and demand to know where he is. Luther, the tavern's owner, tells them Hoffmann is on his way, along with Nicklausse. The pair enter and take a seat. Hoffmann is melancholy and brooding, which prompts the students to ask him for a jovial song to lighten the mood. Hoffmann then sings the famous “Ballad of Klein-Zach.” But in the middle of the song, he gets distracted by memories of Stella. The students bring him back to reality and he finishes the sing, but the talk of love brings it up as a topic of conversation. Hoffmann declares “The devil take me if I were ever to fall in love!” At this point Lindorf makes his presence known, sneering at Hoffmann. The two of them then get into a battle of words, during which Hoffmann inadvertently admits that he is, in fact, in love with someone. Curious, the students ask him for the story of his love. Hoffmann declares that he has had not one but three mistresses: an artist, a young girl, and a courtesan. He then begins to tell his tales. Act I: Olympia Hoffmann goes to visit his science professor, Spalanzani, to declare his devotion to science. Spalanzani commends him, then leaves to prepare for his “daughter” Olympia’s coming-out party. Hoffmann admits his love for Olympia and gazes at her through a window. Nicklausse arrives and gently teases him about his love, singing a song about a mechanical doll and bird (sometimes it’s changed to a more mocking song specifically referencing Olympia). Hoffmann brushes him off. Coppélius, an eccentric salesman, enters and attempts to sell Hoffmann and Nicklausse a variety or contraptions; Hoffmann and Nicklausse bicker over whether or not to engage with the salesman. Coppélius manages to get Hoffmann interested in a pair of magical glasses, which Hoffmann then purchases and wears for the remainder of the act. Spalanzani returns and gets into an argument with Coppélius about Olympia; Coppélius wants a share since she has his eyes. Spalanzani decides to pay Coppélius with a check that he mentions in an aside he knows will bounce. Coppélius tells Spalanzani that he should get Hoffmann to marry Olympia as a joke. Spalanzani agrees, and Coppélius leaves. Cochenille, Spalanzani's assistant, announces the arrival of the guests. A chorus of people arrive, admiring Spalanzani’s skills as a host. Spalanzani introduces Olympia to the guests, who marvel over her perfection. Olympia sings a charming songs about birds and love. Hoffmann's new glasses make him see Olympia as a real person rather than the robot she actually is, and he is captivated. After Olympia’s song, the guests leave to go to dinner, but Spalanzani asks Hoffmann to stay behind with Olympia. Hoffmann professes his love for Olympia, who responds only with “Yes” when Hoffmann touches her shoulder (he doesn’t know he’s actually triggering a button that makes her say that word). When he goes to embrace her, Olympia runs off. Nicklausse returns, telling Hoffmann to be wary, because everything is not as it seems; Hoffmann brushes him off yet again. They leave to

join the other guests. Coppélius enters, furious with Spalanzani for giving him a faulty check. He swears revenge and runs off. The guests return for dancing. Spalanzani asks Hoffmann to dance with Olympia. During the dance, Olympia goes haywire and rushes offstage, pursued by Cochenille. In the process, Hoffmann’s glasses are broken. Cochenille rushes back onstage, crying out that Coppélius has Olympia; Spalanzani rushes to her aid, only to find Coppélius with the robot in pieces. They return holding parts of the broken doll, and Hoffmann, his magical glasses now broken, finally sees Olympia for who she truly is and is humiliated. Act II: Antonia (When Oeser made his edit, he rearranged the acts to their original order, placing Antonia before Giulietta.) Crespel’s house. Antonia laments the death of her mother and her separation from her lover, Hoffmann. Her father, Crespel, enters and reminds her not to sing, lest she die from it like her mother did. Antonia promises him she won’t sing anymore and leaves sadly. Crespel asks his servant Frantz to watch the door and make sure no one comes in. Frantz, who is partially deaf, only half-understands him. Crespel expresses frustration at this and leaves. Frantz remarks in a fun little number that if only he had some talents—like singing or dancing—maybe his boss would appreciate him more. Hoffmann enters with Nicklausse; they have been travelling for weeks looking for Antonia after she moved away without a word. Hoffmann asks Frantz to go find Antonia for him. While Hoffmann expresses his joy over being reunited with Antonia, Nicklausse tries to temper his excitement with a reality check, which Hoffmann brushes off (he does this a lot). Nicklausse then sings a lovely song about the power of art and love (which is really a love song for Hoffmann), but once again Hoffmann ignores him. Hoffmann begins to sing a song that he and Antonia wrote. Antonia hears him and rushes to meet him; Nicklausse exits quietly. Hoffmann and Antonia rejoice over their reunion and pledge to get married. Hoffmann expresses concern over Antonia’s insistence to sing despite her ill health. Antonia convinces him to sing their song together, which they do. Afterwards Antonia becomes tired. Before Hoffmann can react, they hear Crespel coming. Antonia flees, but Hoffmann remains, hiding so he can eavesdrop on Crespel. Frantz returns and tells Crespel that Dr. Miracle is here, having misunderstood Crespel’s command to not let anyone in. Dr. Miracle enters, asking to see Antonia. Crespel refuses and tells him to leave, saying that his faulty medicine is what killed Antonia's mother. Dr. Miracle, however, remains, and pantomimes an interaction with Antonia where he checks her pulse and orders her to sing. Offstage, Antonia responds with a scale. Dr. Miracle tells Crespel that Antonia is dangerously ill, and gives him two vials of medicine that he says will cure her. Crespel refuses them, calling the doctor a murderer and chasing him out. Hoffmann comes out of hiding, stunned by this encounter. Antonia returns and asks Hoffmann what her father said, thinking that he and Hoffmann had been talking this entire time. Hoffmann, disturbed by what he’s seen and heard, makes Antonia promise not to sing. She agrees, but when Hoffmann leaves (promising to return for her later) she laments that Hoffmann is now on her father’s side about her singing. Dr. Miracle returns as a disembodied voice, taunting Antonia. Why should she give up singing just because her father and Hoffmann tell her to? Doesn’t she want to be a great singer like her mother? When Antonia rebuffs him, Dr. Miracle calls on the spirit of Antonia’s dead mother, who leads Antonia in a frantic refrain. Antonia, exhausted by the singing, collapses. Crespel rushes in to see his daughter dying on the floor. She tells him she sees her mother, then sings a part of her and Hoffmann’s song, before dying in her father’s arms. Hoffmann rushes in just in time to see Dr. Miracle pronounce Antonia dead. Act III: Giulietta Venice. The courtesan Giulietta is having a

party of sorts. She and Nicklausse sing the famous Barcarolle. Afterwards Hoffmann mocks them with a song of his own condemning love and romance. Schlémil, who is in love with Giulietta, enters and makes it clear he is suspicious of Hoffmann when Giulietta introduces him. Giulietta then leads her guests out to play cards. Hoffmann is about to follow when Nicklausse takes him aside, warning him against Giulietta and asking him to leave. Hoffmann says there’s no way he could fall for someone like Giulietta, and if he does, may the devil take him! (He really needs to stop saying that.) After Hoffmann and Nicklausse leave to play cards with the others, the Captain Dapertutto comes in, announcing he plans to thwart Hoffmann with the help of Giulietta. He attracts the courtesan with a diamond (and a deceptively pretty aria) and tells her she needs to steal Hoffmann’s reflection for him. Giulietta agrees to do so in exchange for the diamond. Hoffmann returns and Dapertutto leaves. Giulietta seduces Hoffmann, who serenades her with a fairly famous aria. Knowing she has him on the hook, Giulietta demands his fidelity—and his reflection. Helpless against her charms, Hoffmann agrees to both. Schlémil, Dapertutto, and Nicklausse return. Giulietta tells Hoffmann that Schlémil has the key to her room, and if Hoffmann can retrieve it, she’ll meet him there later. Dapertutto taunts Hoffmann, who looks in a mirror to find that his reflection is gone. Nicklausse begs him to leave but Hoffmann refuses, still clinging to the hope that Giulietta actually loves him. However she only mocks him, and he despairs, starting everyone off in the famous Septet (or Sextet and Chorus). Giulietta leads everyone back to the party, except Schlémil, who challenges Hoffmann to a duel. Hoffmann kills Schlémil and takes the key. He rushes to find Giulietta, only to see her riding off in a gondola with her real lover Piticchinaccio, both of whom are laughing at his expense. Nicklausse tells Hoffmann the police are coming to look for Schlémil’s murderer, and finally drags him away. Epilogue Back at the tavern, Hoffmann finishes his tales. Offstage, cheers and applause are heard for Stella as her performance comes to an end. Nicklausse announces a revelation—all of Hoffmann’s lovers in his stories are just manifestations of his real love for a single woman, Stella. Furious, Hoffmann shouts Nicklausse down, then deliriously leads a reprise of the drinking chorus. Stella enters looking for Hoffmann. Nicklausse exits, telling Hoffmann it’s time for him to choose. Hoffmann drunkenly mistakes Stella for his three fictional loves, then rejects her. Offended, Stella leaves with Lindorf. Hoffmann begins to sing his Klein-Zach song before falling in despair. The students exit the tavern, singing their song once again and leaving Hoffmann alone. Nicklausse returns and reveals his identity as the Muse, serenading Hoffmann with a comforting refrain: love makes a man great, but tears make him greater still—his suffering is not in vain, but will make him an even greater artist.

Oeser (2)

The long Oeser version (my personal favorite) follows the short one fairly closely; most of the major revisions are in the Giulietta act. This one is pretty rare—I’ve only found one video (which is a terrible production unfortunately) and one audio recording (which is the greatest audio recording of this opera that currently exists). New material in green text:

Prologue We open in Luther's Tavern. A chorus of the Spirits of Wine and Beer sing out. The Muse emerges from a barrel, declaring her love for Hoffmann and determination to rid him of Stella, the “siren” who has stolen his attention (and affection). She tells the audience that she will disguise herself as Nicklausse, Hoffmann’s friend, in order to try one last time to win him tonight. The Councilor Lindorf comes in and bribes Andrès, a tavern employee, into giving him a letter from Stella, an actress, that’s addressed to Hoffmann. Lindorf reads the letter, in which Stella has included the key to her room and invites Hoffmann to join her after her performance that evening. Lindorf keeps the letter and key for himself. A group of students arrive in the tavern and sing a rousing drinking chorus. After a bit they notice Hoffmann isn’t there yet and demand to know where he is. Luther, the tavern's owner, tells them Hoffmann is on his way, along with Nicklausse. The pair enter and take a seat. Hoffmann is melancholy and brooding, which prompts the students to ask him for a jovial song to lighten the mood. Hoffmann then sings the famous “Ballad of Klein-Zach.” But in the middle of the song, he gets distracted by memories of Stella. The students bring him back to reality and he finishes the sing, but the talk of love brings it up as a topic of conversation. Hoffmann declares “The devil take me if I were ever to fall in love!” At this point Lindorf makes his presence known, sneering at Hoffmann. The two of them then get into a battle of words, during which Hoffmann inadvertently admits that he is, in fact, in love with someone. Curious, the students ask him for the story of his love. Hoffmann declares that he has had not one but three mistresses: an artist, a young girl, and a courtesan. He then begins to tell his tales. Act I: Olympia Hoffmann goes to visit his science professor, Spalanzani, to declare his devotion to science. Spalanzani commends him, then leaves to prepare for his “daughter” Olympia’s coming-out party. Hoffmann admits his love for Olympia and gazes at her through a window. Nicklausse arrives and gently teases him about his love, singing a song about a mechanical doll and bird (sometimes it’s changed to a more mocking song specifically referencing Olympia). Hoffmann brushes him off. Coppélius, an eccentric salesman, enters and attempts to sell Hoffmann and Nicklausse a variety or contraptions; Hoffmann and Nicklausse bicker over whether or not to engage with the salesman. Coppélius manages to get Hoffmann interested in a pair of magical glasses, which Hoffmann then purchases and wears for the remainder of the act. Spalanzani returns and gets into an argument with Coppélius about Olympia; Coppélius wants a share since she has his eyes. Spalanzani decides to pay Coppélius with a check that he mentions in an aside he knows will bounce. Coppélius tells Spalanzani that he should get Hoffmann to marry Olympia as a joke. Spalanzani agrees, and Coppélius leaves. Cochenille, Spalanzani's assistant, announces the arrival of the guests. A chorus of people arrive, admiring Spalanzani’s skills as a host. Spalanzani introduces Olympia to the guests, who marvel over her perfection. Olympia sings a charming songs about birds and love. Hoffmann's new glasses make him see Olympia as a real person rather than the robot she actually is, and he is captivated. After Olympia’s song, the guests leave to go to dinner, but Spalanzani asks Hoffmann to stay behind with Olympia. Hoffmann professes his love for Olympia, who responds only with “Yes” when Hoffmann touches her shoulder (he doesn’t know he’s actually triggering a button that makes her say that word). When he goes to embrace her, Olympia runs off. Nicklausse returns, telling Hoffmann to be wary, because everything is not as it seems; Hoffmann brushes him off yet again. Then we get my beloved little waltzy duet where Nicklausse invites Hoffmann back to the party and Hoffmann denounces cynics who disbelieve the power of love. They leave to join the other guests. Coppélius

enters, furious with Spalanzani for giving him a faulty check. He swears revenge and runs off. The guests return for dancing. Spalanzani asks Hoffmann to dance with Olympia. During the dance, Olympia goes haywire and rushes offstage, pursued by Cochenille. In the process, Hoffmann’s glasses are broken. Cochenille rushes back onstage, crying out that Coppélius has Olympia; Spalanzani rushes to her aid, only to find Coppélius with the robot in pieces. They return holding parts of the broken doll, and Hoffmann, his magical glasses now broken, finally sees Olympia for who she truly is and is humiliated. Act II: Antonia Crespel’s house. Antonia laments the death of her mother and her separation from her lover, Hoffmann. Her father, Crespel, enters and reminds her not to sing, lest she die from it like her mother did. Antonia promises him she won’t sing anymore and leaves sadly. Crespel asks his servant Frantz to watch the door and make sure no one comes in. Frantz, who is partially deaf, only half-understands him. Crespel expresses frustration at this and leaves. Frantz remarks in a fun little number that if only he had some talents—like singing or dancing—maybe his boss would appreciate him more. Hoffmann enters with Nicklausse; they have been travelling for weeks looking for Antonia after she moved away without a word. Hoffmann asks Frantz to go find Antonia for him. While Hoffmann expresses his joy over being reunited with Antonia, Nicklausse tries to temper his excitement with a reality check, which Hoffmann brushes off (he does this a lot). Nicklausse then sings a lovely song about the power of art and love (which is really a love song for Hoffmann), but once again Hoffmann ignores him. Hoffmann begins to sing a song that he and Antonia wrote. Antonia hears him and rushes to meet him; Nicklausse exits quietly. Hoffmann and Antonia rejoice over their reunion and pledge to get married. Hoffmann expresses concern over Antonia’s insistence to sing despite her ill health. Antonia convinces him to sing their song together, which they do. Afterwards Antonia becomes tired. Before Hoffmann can react, they hear Crespel coming. Antonia flees, but Hoffmann remains, hiding so he can eavesdrop on Crespel. Frantz returns and tells Crespel that Dr. Miracle is here, having misunderstood Crespel’s command to not let anyone in. Dr. Miracle enters, asking to see Antonia. Crespel refuses and tells him to leave, saying that his faulty medicine is what killed Antonia's mother. Dr. Miracle, however, remains, and pantomimes an interaction with Antonia where he checks her pulse and orders her to sing. Offstage, Antonia responds with a scale. Dr. Miracle tells Crespel that Antonia is dangerously ill, and gives him two vials of medicine that he says will cure her. Crespel refuses them, calling the doctor a murderer and chasing him out. Hoffmann comes out of hiding, stunned by this encounter. Antonia returns and asks Hoffmann what her father said, thinking that he and Hoffmann had been talking this entire time. Hoffmann, disturbed by what he’s seen and heard, makes Antonia promise not to sing. She agrees, but when Hoffmann leaves (promising to return for her later) she laments that Hoffmann is now on her father’s side about her singing. Dr. Miracle returns as a disembodied voice, taunting Antonia. Why should she give up singing just because her father and Hoffmann tell her to? Doesn’t she want to be a great singer like her mother? When Antonia rebuffs him, Dr. Miracle calls on the spirit of Antonia’s dead mother, who leads Antonia in a frantic refrain. Antonia, exhausted by the singing, collapses. Crespel rushes in to see his daughter dying on the floor. She tells him she sees her mother, then sings a part of her and Hoffmann’s song, before dying in her father’s arms. Hoffmann rushes in just in time to see Dr. Miracle pronounce Antonia dead. Act III: Giulietta Venice. The courtesan Giulietta is having a party of sorts. She and Nicklausse sing the famous Barcarolle. Afterwards Hoffmann mocks them with a song of his own condemning love and romance.

Schlémil, who is in love with Giulietta, enters and makes it clear he is suspicious of Hoffmann when Giulietta introduces him. Giulietta then leads her guests out to play cards. Hoffmann is about to follow when Nicklausse takes him aside, warning him against Giulietta and asking him to leave. Hoffmann says there’s no way he could fall for someone like Giulietta, and if he does, may the devil take him! (He really needs to stop saying that.) As if summoned, the Captain Dapertutto arrives and introduces himself, ominously revealing that he knows who Hoffmann is as well, and in general just acts creepy. Hoffmann and Nicklausse warily leave him behind and go to join the others playing cards. Once they’re gone, Dapertutto announces his plans to thwart Hoffmann with the help of Giulietta. He sings a diablical aria and attracts the courtesan with a diamond, and tells her she needs to steal Hoffmann’s reflection for him. Giulietta agrees to do so in exchange for the diamond. She and Dapertutto join the card players. Hoffmann is losing miserably, much to Nicklausse’s chagrin. Giulietta serenades the guests with a song about love, not-so-subtly aimed at Hoffmann. We get a pretty epic chorus as the game goes on. [Sometimes we also get and aria from Schlémil about having lost his shadow.] Giulietta leaves and Hoffmann follows her, giving Nicklausse his cards and asking him to finish the game for him. Nicklausse protests and tries to follow Hoffmann, but Dapertutto holds him back. Hoffmann joins Giulietta in her room. Giulietta despairs over her feeling of being trapped and suffering. Nicklausse comes in and tells Hoffmann to get ready to leave and that he’s coming back for him. He leaves, and Giulietta tells Hoffmann he should as well, but he refuses to leave her. Giulietta tells him to steal the key from Schlémil that he uses to lock her up at night, saying if he does so, she will devote herself to him. Hoffmann agrees to do so and sings his aria. Knowing she has him on the hook, Giulietta demands his fidelity—and his reflection. Helpless against her charms, Hoffmann agrees to both. Schlémil, Dapertutto, and Nicklausse return. Dapertutto taunts Hoffmann, who looks in a mirror to find that his reflection is gone. Nicklausse begs him to leave but Hoffmann refuses, still clinging to the hope that Giulietta actually loves him. However she only mocks him, and he despairs, starting everyone off in the famous Septet (or Sextet and Chorus) [sometimes the Septet is left out in longer Oeser edits]. Giulietta leads everyone back to the party, except Schlémil, who challenges Hoffmann to a duel. Hoffmann kills Schlémil and takes the key. He rushes to find Giulietta, only to see her riding off in a gondola with her real lover, Piticchinaccio, both of whom are laughing at his expense. Nicklausse tells Hoffmann the police are coming to look for Schlémil’s murderer, and finally drags him away. Epilogue Back at the tavern, Hoffmann finishes his tales. Offstage, cheers and applause are heard for Stella as her performance comes to an end. Nicklausse announces a revelation—all of Hoffmann’s lovers in his stories are just manifestations of his real love for a single woman, Stella. Furious, Hoffmann shouts Nicklausse down, then deliriously leads a reprise of the drinking chorus. Stella enters looking for Hoffmann. Nicklausse exits, telling Hoffmann it’s time for him to choose. Hoffmann drunkenly mistakes Stella for his three fictional loves, then rejects her. Offended, Stella leaves with Lindorf. Hoffmann begins to sing his Klein-Zach song before falling in despair. The students exit the tavern, singing their song once again and leaving Hoffmann alone. Nicklausse returns and reveals his identity as the Muse. She declares her love and devotion for Hoffmann and asks for his in return. She calls upon the Spirits of Wine and Beer, who she says have aided her in her efforts; they repeat their chorus and disperse. The Muse serenades Hoffmann with a comforting refrain: love makes a man great, but tears make him greater still—his suffering is not in vain, but

will make him an even greater

artist.

Kaye/Kecke

the Kaye/Kecke version is the most recent critical edition and hailed by many as the most definitive (aside from that “OG Offenbach” one I can’t find anything about). There are actually very few “true” Kaye productions out there, but a few that attempt it. A lot of the changes are just in the orchestration and, in the spoken-dialogue version, a lot of dialogue; the vast majority of the plot and action stay the same. The big differences are in the Giulietta act. Again, I’ll use some new-color text (orange) to indicate differences between this and previous editions.

Prologue We open in Luther's Tavern. A chorus of the Spirits of Wine and Beer sing out. The Muse emerges from a barrel, declaring her love for Hoffmann and determination to rid him of Stella, the “siren” who has stolen his attention (and affection). She tells the audience that she will disguise herself as Nicklausse, Hoffmann’s friend, in order to try one last time to win him tonight. The Councilor Lindorf comes in and bribes Andrès, a tavern employee, into giving him a letter from Stella, an actress, that’s addressed to Hoffmann. Lindorf reads the letter, in which Stella has included the key to her room and invites Hoffmann to join her after her performance that evening. Lindorf keeps the letter and key for himself. A group of students arrive in the tavern and sing a rousing drinking chorus. After a bit they notice Hoffmann isn’t there yet and demand to know where he is. Luther, the tavern's owner tells them Hoffmann is on his way, along with Nicklausse. The pair enter and take a seat. Hoffmann is melancholy and brooding, which prompts the students to ask him for a jovial song to lighten the mood. Hoffmann then sings the famous “Ballad of Klein-Zach.” But in the middle of the song, he gets distracted by memories of Stella. The students bring him back to reality and he finishes the sing, but the talk of love brings it up as a topic of conversation. Hoffmann declares “The devil take me if I were ever to fall in love!” At this point Lindorf makes his presence known, sneering at Hoffmann. The two of them then get into a battle of words, during which Hoffmann inadvertently admits that he is, in fact, in love with someone. Curious, the students ask him for the story of his love. Hoffmann declares that he has had not one but three mistresses: an artist, a young girl, and a courtesan. He then begins to tell his tales. Act I: Olympia Hoffmann goes to visit his science professor, Spalanzani, to declare his devotion to science. Spalanzani commends him, then leaves to prepare for his “daughter” Olympia’s coming-out party. Hoffmann admits his love for Olympia and gazes at her through a window. Nicklausse arrives and gently teases him about his love, singing a song about a mechanical doll and bird (sometimes it’s changed to a more mocking song specifically referencing Olympia). (also he sometimes mockingly serenades Olympia before his other aria.) Hoffmann brushes him off. Coppélius, an eccentric salesman, enters and attempts to sell Hoffmann and Nicklausse a variety or contraptions; Hoffmann and Nicklausse bicker over whether or not to engage with the salesman. Coppélius manages to get Hoffmann interested in a pair of magical glasses, which Hoffmann then purchases and wears for the remainder of the act. Spalanzani returns and gets into an argument with Coppélius about Olympia; Coppélius wants a share since she has his eyes. Spalanzani decides to pay Coppélius with a check that he mentions in an aside he knows will bounce. Coppélius tells Spalanzani that he should get Hoffmann to marry Olympia as a joke. Spalanzani agrees, and Coppélius leaves. Cochenille, Spalanzani's assistant, announces the arrival of the guests. A chorus of people arrive, admiring Spalanzani’s skills as a host. Spalanzani introduces Olympia to the guests, who marvel over her perfection. Olympia sings a charming songs about birds and love. Hoffmann's new glasses make him see Olympia as a real person rather than the robot she actually is, and he is captivated. After Olympia’s song, the guests leave to go to dinner, but Spalanzani asks Hoffmann to stay behind with Olympia. Hoffmann professes his love for Olympia, who responds only with “Yes” when Hoffmann touches her shoulder (he doesn’t know he’s actually triggering a button that makes her say that word). When he goes to embrace her, Olympia runs off. Nicklausse returns, telling Hoffmann to be wary, because everything is not as it seems; Hoffmann brushes him off yet again. Then we get my beloved little waltzy duet where Nicklausse invites Hoffmann back to the party and Hoffmann denounces cynics who disbelieve

the power of love. They leave to join the other guests. Coppélius enters, furious with Spalanzani for giving him a faulty check. He swears revenge and runs off. The guests return for dancing. Spalanzani asks Hoffmann to dance with Olympia. During the dance, Olympia goes haywire and rushes offstage, pursued by Cochenille. In the process, Hoffmann’s glasses are broken. Cochenille rushes back onstage, crying out that Coppélius has Olympia; Spalanzani rushes to her aid, only to find Coppélius with the robot in pieces. They return holding parts of the broken doll, and Hoffmann, his magical glasses now broken, finally sees Olympia for who she truly is and is humiliated. Act II: Antonia Crespel’s house. Antonia laments the death of her mother and her separation from her lover, Hoffmann. Her father, Crespel, enters and reminds her not to sing, lest she die from it like her mother did. Antonia promises him she won’t sing anymore and leaves sadly. Crespel asks his servant Frantz to watch the door and make sure no one comes in. Frantz, who is partially deaf, only half-understands him. Crespel expresses frustration at this and leaves. Frantz remarks in a fun little number that if only he had some talents—like singing or dancing—maybe his boss would appreciate him more. Hoffmann enters with Nicklausse; they have been travelling for weeks looking for Antonia after she moved away without a word. Hoffmann asks Frantz to go find Antonia for him. While Hoffmann expresses his joy over being reunited with Antonia, Nicklausse tries to temper his excitement with a reality check, which Hoffmann brushes off (he does this a lot). Nicklausse then sings a lovely song about the power of art and love (which is really a love song for Hoffmann), but once again Hoffmann ignores him. Hoffmann begins to sing a song that he and Antonia wrote. Antonia hears him and rushes to meet him; Nicklausse exits quietly. Hoffmann and Antonia rejoice over their reunion and pledge to get married. Hoffmann expresses concern over Antonia’s insistence to sing despite her ill health. Antonia convinces him to sing their song together, which they do. Afterwards Antonia becomes tired. Before Hoffmann can react, they hear Crespel coming. Antonia flees, but Hoffmann remains, hiding so he can eavesdrop on Crespel. Frantz returns and tells Crespel that Dr. Miracle is here, having misunderstood Crespel’s command to not let anyone in. Dr. Miracle enters, asking to see Antonia. Crespel refuses and tells him to leave, saying that his faulty medicine is what killed Antonia's mother. Dr. Miracle, however, remains, and pantomimes an interaction with Antonia where he checks her pulse and orders her to sing. Offstage, Antonia responds with a scale. Dr. Miracle tells Crespel that Antonia is dangerously ill, and gives him two vials of medicine that he says will cure her. Crespel refuses them, calling the doctor a murderer and chasing him out. Hoffmann comes out of hiding, stunned by this encounter. Antonia returns and asks Hoffmann what her father said, thinking that he and Hoffmann had been talking this entire time. Hoffmann, disturbed by what he’s seen and heard, makes Antonia promise not to sing. She agrees, but when Hoffmann leaves (promising to return for her later) she laments that Hoffmann is now on her father’s side about her singing. Dr. Miracle returns as a disembodied voice, taunting Antonia. Why should she give up singing just because her father and Hoffmann tell her to? Doesn’t she want to be a great singer like her mother? When Antonia rebuffs him, Dr. Miracle calls on the spirit of Antonia’s dead mother, who leads Antonia in a frantic refrain. Antonia, exhausted by the singing, collapses. Crespel rushes in to see his daughter dying on the floor. She tells him she sees her mother, then sings a part of her and Hoffmann’s song, before dying in her father’s arms. Hoffmann rushes in just in time to see Dr. Miracle pronounce Antonia dead. Act III: Giulietta Venice. The courtesan Giulietta is having a party of sorts. She and Nicklausse sing the famous Barcarolle. Afterwards

Hoffmann mocks them with a song of his own condemning love and romance. Schlémil, who is in love with Giulietta, enters and makes it clear he is suspicious of Hoffmann when Giulietta introduces him. Giulietta then leads her guests out to play cards. Hoffmann is about to follow when Nicklausse takes him aside, warning him against Giulietta and asking him to leave. Hoffmann says there’s no way he could fall for someone like Giulietta, and if he does, may the devil take him! (He really needs to stop saying that.) As if summoned, the Captain Dapertutto arrives and introduces himself, ominously revealing that he knows who Hoffmann is as well, and in general just acts creepy. Hoffmann and Nicklausse warily leave him behind and go to join the others playing cards. Once they’re gone, Dapertutto announces his plans to thwart Hoffmann with the help of Giulietta. He sings a diabolical aria and attracts the courtesan with a diamond, and tells her she needs to steal Hoffmann’s reflection for him. Giulietta agrees to do so in exchange for the diamond. (Here’s where the plot deviates, and the Oeser parts from earlier don’t appear at all.) The guests return looking for Giulietta, who sings a song for them as they play cards. Hoffmann gets distracted by Giulietta and gives Nicklausse his cards. Giulietta seduces Hoffmann and convinces him to duel Schlémil to get the key to her bedroom. Hoffmann does and kills Schlémil. Nicklausse finds Hoffmann and, learning about the duel, begs Hoffmann to leave with him. Hoffmann refuses, wanting to see Giulietta. Nicklausse leaves to find a means of transportation. Giulietta returns and continues to seduce Hoffmann, who falls for her completely. She asks for his reflection as a keepsake; he’s helpless to resist her. Dapertutto returns; Giulietta relinquishes Hoffmann to him. Nicklausse returns as well, in time to find Hoffmann has lost his reflection. Once again he begs Hoffmann to leave, but Hoffmann refuses, still insistent that Giulietta loves him. The chorus returns, mocking Hoffmann for being duped. The police arrive to arrest Schlémil’s killer. Furious, Hoffmann attempts to stab Giulietta, but misses and kills Pitichinaccio, who is revealed to be her real lover. Giulietta despairs over his body, and Nicklausse finally manages to drag Hoffmann away. (There is no Septet in Kaye edits.) Epilogue Back at the tavern, the students sing a disbelieving chorus as Hoffmann finishes his tales, telling him to come back to reality. Offstage, cheers and applause are heard for Stella as her performance comes to an end. Nicklausse announces a revelation—all of Hoffmann’s lovers in his stories are just manifestations of his real love for a single woman, Stella. Furious, Hoffmann shouts Nicklausse down. He then encourages everyone (including himself) to get blackout drunk. The chorus of the Spirits of Wine and Beer from the prologue returns, creepily overlapping with the students’ drinking chorus. Stella enters looking for Hoffmann. Hoffmann drunkenly mistakes Stella for his three fictional loves, then rejects her. Offended, Stella leaves with Lindorf. Hoffmann begins to sing his Klein-Zach song, mockingly dedicating it to Lindorf, before falling in despair. The students exit the tavern, singing their song once again and leaving Hoffmann alone. (Sometimes Stella gets an aria here, basically telling Hoffmann “you don’t know what you’re missing by rejecting me.”) Nicklausse returns and reveals his identity as the Muse. She declares her love and devotion for Hoffmann and asks for his in return. The Muse serenades Hoffmann with a comforting refrain: love makes a man great, but tears make him greater still—his suffering is not in vain, but will make him an even greater artist. (Sometimes the final chorus is extended, with comments from the other characters announcing that the future is his.)

And there you have it!

As mentioned before, there are a ton of variations on all of these. Choudens edits and short Oeser edits are often very similar, but even they will have random chunks cut here and there, sometimes move things around, and of course it’s always a toss-up which aria Niclausse is going to get in Act I and if he’ll get the Violin Aria.

If you got to the end of this, kudos. Seriously. I could barely make it through, and I elected to write the thing.

[pluviophile-bookworm]

HSMTMTS 2x10: New and a bit alarming... ok, very alarming

I don't even know at this point if I'm more nervous or excited for this episode. I've done my waiting and, well, whatever lies ahead, good or bad, or a little bit of both, I just can't wait anymore, even though I haven't been so scared to press play since... well, since last week. Guess I should just go for it, then:

Ooh, shady Seb doing the recap! We love to see it. Like, seriously, I'm anxious about the Seblos fight, but shady Seb is kind of my new favourite Seb.

I just... Ashlyn's acting is top tier. Emotional connection to the material? Superb! Chemistry with her co-lead... well, he'd have to be co-leading for any chemistry to be possible. I love Ricky, and I feel for him with all he's been through, but he's just not lead material right now. And it shows. Especially next to Ashlyn, who is killing it!

Miss Jenn is on the verge of a bloody mental breakdown and I just... wish I could do something to make things better. She reminds me of my mum when a deadline approaches for her to submit an article, and I just feel for her right now. Gosh, I'm feeling for everybody today. My empathy seems to be at its peak and I might just burst from all these emotions this episode is making me feel even before the 5-minute mark.

Ok, but Miss Jenn being stressed means Carlos is stressed for two, which means... this is a really bad time for him and Seb to have personal problems. My heart just can't handle it.

Wow... I never thought I'd see the day! The two leads are actually talking to each other! This is a mid-July miracle!

Why does everyone keep pretending their HSM was good? It was a flaming hot mess! A child could see that.

Miss Jenn needs a lot of work on her 'gracious face'. I, like Carlos, have quite some notes. Only mine aren't exactly, how do you say... verbally formulated quite yet.

Did Carlos just refer to Miss Jenn as 'mother'? Because yes.

I've been in a couple of local theatre productions in my day, but none of them had actual physical sets — we relied on the audience's imagination quite a lot — so I wouldn't know what a good set is made of... but even I can tell that plywood and Elmer's glue = not good.

Kourtney is a multi-tasking icon and we love her. I feel like I don't say this enough, but she deserves all the love.

Ooh, shady Seb is... well, shady! 'Quit school and get a job at the pizza shop?' — I mean, you don't see Reddy or Kourtney (or Howie, for that matter) quitting school in order to work at the Slices! Those kids juggle it all and, as someone who's never had to balance school and a job all at once, they have my deepest admiration.

Still, I think they should have thought about 'inventing' something re: transformation earlier than this point. The personal drama has taken up too much of their time.

Why does everyone keep inviting people over to Ashlyn's? I mean, it's not like I've ever heard her complain, but the girl needs some rest! And her house is not a public space.

Oh, so they're making this into a contest? I mean, I have never been a fan of competition, but to each their own. And Redlyn are hosting! This is going to be so beautiful! (You know, unless the boys try to sleep — see my post from yesterday about Reddy's background noise machine)

'I'm not worried. But North High should be!' Ooh, I love this look on Ashlyn! See, there's a lead to take notes from! And Ricky should be the first to do so. Take notes about what a lead acts like, I mean.

Oooooh, Big Red claps back! We love to see it. Although, you know, it stems from the fact that he's nervous about coming up with a solution to the transformation problem. 'I get bossy around the power tools' — Yes, sweetie, and I love that look on you. Maybe you should be around power tools more often, if that helps.

Ughhh, look what the cat brought in! Lily (I wish I knew her last name so I could refer to her by it exclusively, but we'll have to make do). I hate that girl. She reminds me quite exactly of the girl who bullied me in seventh grade to the point where I wished I'd die before having to deal with her at school again. She and Lily both bring out my aggressive side, and I hate that about them.

Ricky — 'so good at being a leading man'? I don't know what Lily is playing at here, but Ricky has not shown himself to be a very good leading man this season. He has the potential to be, but he has not fulfilled it by this point. Sure, he supports his friends and they support him, but that's basic decency. Not yet good leadership. No hate on Ricky, just the truth.

'I vaguely remember him' — please tell me this is setup for Ricky leading Lily on and then slamming the door in her face with the truth. The way I see it, he's been given a chance here. A chance to be the supportive, protective best friend Big Red deserves. I just... have a lot of ideas about this and I don't want it to end badly instead.

'I'm just not well-liked here, and I don't know what to do' — well, of course you aren't well-liked, you little— (ok, ok, calm down, breathe, 10, 9, 8...) whatever. I mean, she hasn't even considered basic decency, as it seems. Must be a new concept to her.

'Don't start with me, Carlos!' Wow. As much as I hate it that my two faves' only interaction in so long is so hostile, I kind of like this side of Big Red. I wonder what other sides of himself he's been hiding.

Listen, I don't like Seb being patronised and babied, but... 'Chip, this is your mother speaking: go call your mother!' made me laugh so hard. They're leaning into the on-stage family dynamic and I live for it.

EJ's idea of using old skateboards for the spinning contraption is... a brilliant callback to the fact that Ricky and Big Red were first characterised as skateboarders... you know, before diving headfirst into the theatre thing. And it feels like it might actually work.

Miss Jenn's excitement at seeing Mr Mazzara ('Benjamin!!!') is perhaps only topped by the fact that he was halfway home, got a text from her and instantly went back to the school. I mean, these two have something that's really big.

Miss Jenn referring to the kids as 'my children', combined with Carlos calling her 'mother' earlier just warms my heart so much! Those guys really are family. I live for it.

Ok, but... as clear as it is that the Wildcats are very far behind NH in terms of budget, rehearsal time and who knows what else, I hate seeing Miss Jenn resigned to them losing. I want to see her have faith in them, talk about how they will win, and, in her own words, 'trust the process'. I mean, I guess it's good that, as a teacher, she wants to prepare her kids for a possible defeat (and I mean really possible if they don't step up their game immediately, especially some of them * cough* Ricky *cough *), but a team that goes out to the field expecting to lose has a very minimal chance of winning.

Despite everything I've been saying again and again about Nini lately, the fact that she just delivered a very different 'No, Seb' has just redeemed her. See, this one wasn't dismissive or patronising — this was like, 'no, Seb, don't put yourself down' and I love that spin on the catchphrase I'd grown to hate. See, many things can be redeemed. And some simply cannot. * cough* Devil's spawn Lily *cough *. Also, Seb being self-conscious about the fact that Carlos 'doesn't have many options' at East Hight is the perfect setup for In a Heartbeat — meaning they will either have a chance to talk about their issue, or they have a telepathic connection, in which case, what kind of soulmate stuff is that?

'You're my sister; he's my cousin' — yeah, Ash, putting it like that makes it sound a lot weirder than it should, but I do get what you're trying to say. This is not a drill! Ashlyn is a Portwell shipper (heck, maybe even the captain of that ship) — but I feel like we already knew that.

'Why'd I never hear about this?' — and there it goes. Within the same scene, Nini was redeemed and then made aggravating again. What does she care if Gina thought Ricky sent her chocolates? He didn't. Because he and Gina can't be anything but very good friends. And I feel like good friends is what Gina needs. Maybe that's why I wanted EJ to be that for her initially (or it was because I'm aroace and don't tend to notice romantic attraction between fictional characters — or real people for that matter — unless it's explicitly stated to be there). But I've been on board of the majestic S.S. Portwell for a few weeks now and it's finally about to set sail.

Yeah, Nini, get a root beer, calm the heck down and get over it!

'Your other clockwise!' — Why does this even need to be said? How many 'clockwise's are there? I absolutely understand why Big Red gets the way he gets around power tools. I'd be on edge too, if the people I was trying to work with didn't know what way clockwise is. Still, I feel like by the time I'm 30, nobody younger than me would have a reason to know what way clockwise is, and I don't know if I feel bad or neutral about it.

Oh, so there's no telepathy involved in Seblos' problem resolution — it's been Redlyn's good communication all along. I might have known.

Ooh, Portwell is being discussed on both sides! PORTWELL NATION HOW WE FEELING

Nini? Why is everything about Nini? There's no way everything is about Nini. In all seriousness, though, EJ's worries about letting the next girl go seem valid in regards to Gina, given that she explicitly stated (though not within earshot of EJ or anyone who could have tipped him off) that she needs someone who will show up and stay. But they'll figure it out. They'll find a way. I know it. They will, or I will riot, and I know I won't be alone in that.

Ooh, Howie is giving Kourtney the original blueprints! Looks like Reddy isn't the only one who has a spy on the inside.

Ahhh, Ricky! Not 'Let You Go' again. I haven't cried to it in three days and I was not ready to break that streak. But... wait, this is where Carlos approaches Ricky to ask him for help with writing a song for Seb, isn't it? I am definitely ready for this.

Oh, is it... is it Ricky who suggests Carlos write a song for Seb? Now that is what a good leading man looks like.

'I'm adjusting to being called bro' — me too, Carlito, me too. But... this scene must have been so emotional for Josh, given that he hadn't come out yet. I remember him crying during The Climb and... all I'm saying is I want Ricky to come out at some point, too.

Oh gosh oh gosh oh gosh... they were just talking about love languages and that's when Carlos shows up? Cinematic. Wait, there's Portwell too? This is what dreams are made of.

My oh my oh my! Risotto! For real this time. I might have just teared up. (Full disclosure: I did.) I've only had Portwell for about three weeks, but if anything happens to them, I will... you know how the meme goes. [side note: Wait, when I said 'for real this time', I was not expecting EJ would say it, much less word for word. Am I... writing this show now? It's usually my dad who predicts people's lines in TV shows]

'Not that I know of'... excuse me while I hyperventilate! These two are literal soulmates. They might share a brain, too, for all that I know. Portwell nation you ok guys?

I love that Ricky helped Carlos out with this song and is supporting him through it, but... I just might have preferred for him not to be there. I kind of need Seblos to have this moment to themselves. But, you know, with the way they feel about each other it might as well be like they're alone in the universe, let alone the room.

Ok, but Frankie's voice... brings out feelings in me that I didn't know I was capable of. Make of that what you will. Also, I'm not sobbing my eyes out, you are.

Ahhh Reddy my sunshine my sweet boy I love you but why did you have to cut Seblos' moment short? They were going to kiss, I know it. Oh well, they probably will, later on. Off-screen probably, but who cares? Not everything is for us to see. At least Carlos and Ricky had a moment there... Carlos calling Ricky 'bro' made me more emotional than I expected. It's like Miss Jenn says in s1: 'They're best bros, and that's a sacred thing... for reasons I will never understand'.

Ricky's acting sounds like a cat about to spit up a hairball, and it's so funny... in a scene that is supposed to be arguably the most dramatic of the entire play, that is not a good thing.

Oh my, oh my... you did not! You did not just end the episode with Ricky taking a fall from who knows how high. I was not ready. This episode was entirely too much for me. I will need 10 to 15 business days to recover from this, and we all know there aren't that many. But in the meantime you'll find me obsessively listening to In a Heartbeat for hours on end. Seriously, this episode is too much.

[elriel-oblivion]

WHO'S READY FOR SOME HARDCORE NSFW 🔥😈

Ashes from the Deep

Part IV

--

Just kidding! 😅

Lol, sorrynotsorry for that fake intro haha, but here's part four for real 😅 Thanks to everyone who read/liked/commented on/reblogged the last part, I really do appreciate all your support 😊🥰🥰

Shoutout to @julesherondalex again for finding one of my fave paragraphs ☺️☺️ I think I only have one fave line this time 😅 And thanks to all who comment their own faves!! I really like seeing what you like in each piece - and it def helps me gauge what kinda writing/literary techniques work and engage people the most 😊😊

I hope nobody's disappointed by this part lol, I really enjoyed writing it in tandem with the previous one 😅

Word count: 4.1K. Lemme know if you'd like to be tagged/removed

I've also finally posted all four parts to AO3 if anyone prefers to read there 😊

Ashes from the Deep

Part IV

--

The water falling from the jug to Azriel’s head was the only sound in the bathroom. His hair absorbed the water, darkening to a midnight gleam. A thin breeze entered the room, and now without a blanket, Elain's exposed arms prickled with goosebumps.

Elain plunged a hand into his hair, breaking the mud between her fingertips. A quiet breath passed through his mouth and the corners of her lips rose.

She rubbed his scalp, coaxing as much dirt to the surface as she could before guiding another jug of water through his hair. Some of the mud drained away, some clods of sediment sticking to the basin. She poured over a final jug and stained water trickled into the drain. The warmth of the water tickled through her skin, replacing the cold from outside.

‘Is that nice?’ she asked, brushing the water through his hair with both hands.

His body seemed to relax, one foot sliding forward a little. ‘It is,’ he said thickly. He cleared his throat.

Her fingers continued to gently work at his head, and when sure his hair was completely wet, she ran the bar of soap under the tap. Soft lavender entered her nose and she inhaled deeply. That calm scent loosened her own muscles; this could be as much a session of serenity for her as she hoped it'd be for Azriel.

So long as she held taut the chain on her heart.

Soap foaming, she immersed her hands back into his thick hair, forming a lather. The lavender smell intensified, a wave of tranquility sweeping over her. She blinked slowly, as though her mind were wading through water.

Another sigh from him drew her attention back to his head. She needed to focus on this task; for Azriel, she could stay awake a little longer, especially since she’d already started.

Her fingertips massaged his skull, pressing a little deeper at the base where knots had a tendency to form. Elain moved her own neck, a sharp stab sparking at the top of her spine.

She hadn’t mentioned it to anybody yet – didn’t even know if she would – but her visions had been so feverish the past fortnight. Sleep felt like a luxury as she tossed and turned with psychedelic madness flashing behind her eyes. A turquoise expanse of sparkling ocean, birds shaped from sunset, glittering gowns in every shade, and a too-wide smile with pointed teeth were just a few of the recurring images attacking her every night.

Bathing before bed wasn't helpful. She'd hoped the calming scents of the herbs she'd found would be enough to pacify her mind and lull her to sleep. So far, there was no positive result beyond a loosening of her muscles. At least some of those herbs relieved the intensity of the dark circles round her eyes.

Mellow darkness, however, was a true reprieve, one which she found in her garden in those quiet evening hours, when the sky, having bled through its saturated sunset, was awash with deep muted blues.

As if she’d summoned it, a similar darkness manifested around Azriel’s body, swirling thickest about his head like a black cloud. His shadows rose like vapour, tendrils reaching out and twining about him.

Elain’s hands were hidden among those dark whorls, and they whispered on her skin in cool caresses. She leaned over his head and said, ‘Azriel?’

His eyes flicked open. ‘Huh?’

There was something boyish and confused in the way he blinked and she laughed lightly. ‘Your shadows are sort of hiding your head.’

He turned his head an inch or two. ‘Sorry,’ he said, and those shadows began sweeping over each other, wisps kissing her as Azriel pulled them in.

Elain’s hands were stationary until those shadows were completely reeled in, a faint frown on Azriel’s face. Sorrow lurked there, perhaps that he couldn’t be cocooned in that safe space.

Guilt coated the chain around her heart.

‘Don’t be,’ she murmured. Did he hear the shame in her voice? She hoped not; he should be resting, not worrying about Elain’s feelings. ‘You can close your eyes again.’

He did, but not before she caught a shadow lingering behind his eyes. Were they a glimpse into the shadows he leashed within himself, or were they a reflection of something darker, more sinister, perhaps?

That guilt began to cut into her heart now, icy claws digging. Cold squeezed her chest, a cold unrelated to the outside breeze breathing over her skin. How could she think Azriel was sinister? After the countless times he’d reached out to comfort her, be with her, listen to her – and the sincere light she saw in his eyes. Even the hope Rhysand had spoken of that day of the last battle in the war. The hope whose meaning he'd learnt from Azriel, learnt to experience from Azriel.

No, it was absurd. Yes, Azriel was a warrior and yes, he’d killed people. Possibly worse, she didn’t know. But those shadows she knew with certainty weren’t formed from the darkness of nightmares and malevolence and all things wicked.

They were a darkness of safety and security, of nights spent in a loved one’s arms. When a child sought their parent; when an adult sought their partner. They were the darkness found deep underground, where the earth was pure and things grew. Where life grew.

And just like his shadows, he too was not crafted from unholiness. There was unrelenting virtue glowing in him, burning whatever taint touched his darkness. She’d seen it in his eyes when he’d found her at the Hybern camp, when he alone had armed her with his own dagger at that later battle – and then run straight into the thick of it without Truth-Teller.

She didn’t know what she would’ve done if he hadn’t survived while she held his blade.

So when his shadows leaked out again, wrapping him in twining vines and wisps, she said nothing. Simply continued to work in that lovely lavender soap, giving as much care as she could. He deserved it.

She poured jug after jug of warm water over his head, wading her fingers through his locks to wash out the soap. Within a minute or two, the water was running clear. She yawned and dried her hands on a fresh towel.

‘Az, you can lift your head now.’

The guilt relented a little, icy claws releasing. A cold still filled the space left behind. But before the warmth of his presence, his existence, could balm her heart as it often did, she froze. His shadows parted to reveal a tear slipping from his eye. Just a single tear but so abrupt it was jarring on the shadowsinger’s face.

‘Azriel?’

He was unresponsive. His breathing was regular, body relaxed in a state of sleep. Except for that tear. What was he dreaming of?

She raised her hand to his face but let it hover in the air. Would this wake him? Would he even be fine knowing Elain had seen him cry?

She touched the tear anyway, placed a knuckle right beneath it. The tear slipped onto her hand and she wiped off the trace left on his face.

Azriel stirred, voice raw as he said, ‘Mother?’

Mother – was she what, who he dreamt of? There was such a childlike insecurity in his tone that Elain’s heart squeezed. She moved her hand back a little when her own voice sounded wispy. ‘No, it’s Elain.’

His eyes opened, gaze darting around the room. There was a small crease in his brow as he blinked away whatever haze remained from his dreams. The shadows dissipated.

Confusion limned his features in the few seconds it took him to fully awaken. Did he know he cried? That she’d wiped off his tear? No, that wouldn’t be okay. Elain had to distract him, if that were even possible for a spymaster.

Sometimes his title overwhelmed her. Sometimes she found security in it; did he see things he didn’t want to on his travels? Did he have access to a wealth of information he didn’t initially understand, just as Elain didn’t comprehend her visions without further probing?

‘I asked you to lift your head but you’d fallen asleep,’ she said. ‘I didn’t want to wake you, but we should dry your hair before you really go to sleep. Especially if you’ll be going outside again. Although I would ask you to consider taking a guest room.’

That frown deepened for a second before he smoothed out his face. ‘Right.’ He sat straight, and Elain set a hand under his head as he stiffly pulled it up. He rotated his neck a bit, water dripping off his sodden hair, sliding down his face.

She placed the towel over his head, patting it across his scalp. Some strands escaped to hang over his forehead, so she pulled them back, ruffling the towel through his hair. All the while, he watched her, but she busied herself with the water that glistened on his neck. Anything to avoid his eyes.

Then he dropped his head – from tiredness or something else, she didn’t know – so she took the opportunity to dry the back more. Drying his hair took more effort than washing, he just had so much hair. The small towel quickly became damp so she continued with the one round his neck, and a short while later, deemed his hair dry enough. Still wet but not sodden, so she combed her fingers through it, smoothing out the tips that stuck out. She left both towels on her bathtub, touching a knuckle to one of the trailing plants sitting on a stool nearby.

She heard the chair scrape across the floor, Azriel rising, so she laid a hand on his shoulder. ‘Wait. I want to clean your face, too.’

The idea of having to look at his face for however long it took to clean sent a thrill through her and she woke a little more. The chain on her heart slipped from her control a little and she leashed it back. Her chest tightened as she grabbed a cloth and ran it under the tap. She knelt next to him, honing in on that giant gash on his cheekbone. She touched the cloth to his face.

He winced and her hand stilled. ‘Sorry.’

A small smile graced his face, and he said, ‘Don’t be.’

She recognised the words from earlier and breathed a laugh. ‘That cut does look very bad, though. I think I’ll have to clean it with alcohol too.’

‘Let’s crack open that wine then.’

Something sultry laced his voice, the chain in her chest slipping again. The metal warmed and Elain fiddled with her grip. She let out a shaky laugh. ‘Not tonight, Azriel.’

Goodness. A late night wine session with Azriel. There was heat in her cheeks and she didn’t know how to tone it down. It was even worse with his face so near hers. He’d see it all. Her face warmed further, and it was only the dirt and blood on his that reminded her he was in no position to be drinking the night away. Not with fatigue so clear on his features and in his posture.

And not with Elain. That toed a line she didn't deserve to cross.

So she gave focus only to his skin, wiping the cloth across his face. Once most of the mud and blood was off, she rinsed the cloth, then wiped him down again. He turned his head and as his eyes fixed squarely on her, the chain heated further. She tried to grip it elsewhere, but every link was as hot. It wasn’t uncomfortable – quite pleasant, actually – but she was sure it would be soon enough if she didn’t move now. The cool air sweeping into the bathroom did nothing to help. If he would just stop looking into her –

Elain abruptly stood and on a whim went to close the window. Maybe he'd think she was cold, though she'd regret trapping the air when it was stifling here soon.

She moved to the cupboard by the door, her back to him. She took a deep breath, taking her time to pull out a bottle of alcohol, in pouring a few drops of it onto a clean cloth. The distance between them was refreshing. The chain didn’t cool, not with Azriel still so close in the same room, but at least it didn’t warm any more. Elain took a moment to readjust her grasp and pull it again.

She composed herself and knelt beside him. The alcohol’s scent permeated the air and her own nerves bristled. ‘This’ll hurt.’

His smile was slight. ‘It’s all right.’

She bit the inside of her cheek and touched the cloth to the wound. His jaw clamped like a vice and she lightened her touch, the cloth barely kissing his skin.

This wasn’t the right way. She needed to clean that wound, regardless of what pain it’d inflict. It'd be temporary, the sting. So she pressed the cloth harder, dabbing it across his cheekbone.

His features were stonelike at the contact. Did pain ever become easier to bear? Would the prick of a thorn be less painful in a decade than it was now?

If Azriel’s face was anything to go by, she guessed no. Perhaps some pain couldn’t be learnt; perhaps the body never fully digested pain.

Perhaps she'd never fully recover from the desolation in the Cauldron.

‘Are you all right, Azriel?’ Her voice was so quiet, like she didn’t want to flare the hurt any further.

‘I’m all right. Are you all right, Elain?’

‘I’m fine.’

He wasn’t all right and nor was she, but neither was willing to broach that right now. There was so much to him she didn’t yet know. What was it that shadowed his eyes so often? What darkness clouded his mind before he fell asleep? In due time, she’d learn, but that human impatience, the sense that there was never enough time, threatened to run her tongue.

Time stretched out before her. She’d learn. He was her friend, she just needed to give him time to teach her the workings of his soul. And in return, she would bare hers too.

Neither said a word as she pressed the alcohol into every wound, cleaning his cheekbone and temple, a scratch across his jaw. She stared at the graze there for a few seconds. She’d ask Madja for some calendula oil later; that would speed the healing process.

She sighed as she washed the cloth. Something had loosened the chain, but it wasn’t a sudden unravelling. It’d just been gradual and she hadn’t noticed, one link falling back at a time. Her heart expanded. There was torment in Azriel’s posture, on his face, and it hurt. It hurt that Elain couldn’t do anything for him besides give basic medicines for his body.

But he was more than just a physical form. He had a heart and a soul, both so tight with whatever misery lurked in his past, and she couldn’t do anything about that. For all the light she saw in the world, all the places of brightness, there was ten times as much darkness, ten times as many nooks and crannies where gloom and wretchedness dwelt. What good was the light if it didn’t burn away the shade over everyone’s souls?

She spent more time washing the cloth than necessary.

The chair creaked. ‘You can talk to me, Elain, whenever you need.’

The chain slipped again, Elain’s fingers grappling for those final links. It hurt so much that he was willing to give so much. Her smile was too bright as she turned and said, ‘I know.’

He stood. His gaze was so direct on her that she only held one chainlink now. Just one link remained in her hand, one link between her and the release of a beast she hadn't yet had the courage to face.

The link heated. Her muscles loosened and her hands fumbled with the tap, the cloth falling from limp fingers.

He would realise. He would know what she was thinking and feeling if she didn’t get a grip on herself, on that final chainlink. So she turned her body to face his and cleared her throat. ‘We should go downstairs to the fireplace. It’ll be warmer there.’ For his damp hair, of course.

No matter that whatever cool air remained in the room did nothing to tame her heat.

His hand was cold on her wrist, a shiver tracking her bones, and colder still were the shadows that swept them up and into the living room. Good, there was much more space here. Her feet hit the floor and she bent to place three logs in the hearth.

Moonlight glinted on the steel she struck against the flint but the metal didn’t spark the way she’d seen it do when everybody else lit a fire. She tried again, Azriel silent beside her. This was pitiful. She swiped the steel a couple more times, and a spark finally appeared.

It was too silent here. ‘Those shadows are quite convenient at times, aren’t they?’ she said.

He breathed a laugh. ‘They can be.’

She let the spark catch on the cloth resting on the hearth and threw it onto the logs, a blaze finally blooming. She doubted anybody else took that long to start a fire. Heat bathed her legs.

Elain didn’t know what to make of the lack of judgement she found on his face when she stood. Though, it was common with him, how honestly he looked at her. She shouldn’t be surprised. Save Nuala and Cerridwen, he was perhaps the only one who didn’t view her as a naive fool, a child. None of the others said it, but she saw it in their eyes, that patronising glimmer.

He was leaning against the mantelpiece with a forearm, one leg crossed over the other, the portrait of casual elegance. It wasn't often she got to see him looking so relaxed. Then again, he was tired.

Her eyes met his. ‘Just a few minutes now and we’ll be warm.’

His eyes were soft; he didn’t say anything. Just kept looking at her. Into her.

The air warmed. That was a quick few minutes.

Just the flames. Of course it was the flames. Anything else would be ridiculous.

The wound on his cheekbone was an angry red in the dim light. ‘I think you’ll need a bandage for that wound.’ Some herbs would be prudent too.

‘I’ll be fine without it,’ he said.

She pleaded for interference from something, anything. ‘It’s quite deep.’

‘Not a match for my Illyrian healing.’ The smirk that followed sent a hot spark down her skin. The chain now burned and she lost her grip on it completely, that leash uncoiling and slipping down, down, down into the abyss of her core. Her heart swelled like a dragon inhaling a mighty breath.

She needed a distraction from his achingly stunning face. The wings behind him were not a reprieve at all. Especially not after what she'd overheard about them. Certain people tended to forget she was in the room and had heightened hearing when they talked about the sensitivities of the Illyrian wings.

Her face heated and her heart throbbed against her chest. How improper these thoughts were. The air was stifling now. Perhaps they should've stayed in the bathroom. Even the weak chill of night air would be better than this. She wished she could have shadows to cool her down like Azriel did. Or to hide in. She'd seen him do that plenty of times.

His wings rustled and he straightened, coming off the mantelpiece. His eyes were glazed, somehow even more stunning than they were outside earlier. The fire highlighted the grey brown storm swirling in his gaze while streaks of emerald glistened like the veins on leaves in the height of summer.

It felt like the height of summer too in this heat.

He frowned. She cleared her throat of the pocket of air lodged there.

'Oh.' A bead of sweat glinted on his temple, right above the gash there. The sting that would ensue was an unnecessary pain, so she reached up to wipe it away.

As her finger touched his skin, above the crackle of the flames, a loud thudding beat entered her ears. Azriel caught her wrist and a small gasp left her lips.

His eyes smouldered, that thunderstorm churning in the dim light. His heartbeat. It was his heartbeat she heard. It ran and ran, crescendoeing like a drum before the climax of a song.

Was the shadowsinger feeling the same as she? Did his heart yearn to touch hers too?

It was unbearable, the alternative. Unbearable but probable.

Her voice was thick, with longing, with desire, with anguish all entangled when she spoke, 'I can hear your heartbeat.'

He said nothing. If he truly didn't reciprocate -

She almost couldn't continue but pushed out, 'And it's a beautiful sound.'

That song in his heartbeat finally climaxed, a thunder of sound pounding the air.

'You're beautiful, too,' he breathed.

Her own pulse throbbed, heartbeat echoing in her throat. Tears blurred her vision of him. She blinked them away; she wanted to truly see every inch of his wonderful face.

His breathing lightened.

As did hers.

He was a mirror, Azriel. He saw her; he saw what she hid from everyone else, clear as day. It was his eyes that told. His words, too, in that smooth voice, free of condescension.

And now no mouth had ever looked so inviting.

And maybe this was okay. This fondness, this attachment she'd developed for him. It wasn't a sudden spark - childish and unquestioned. This had been building for a while now. Months. Maybe even since the first year she'd met him. And maybe it was improper and she was a lady, but perhaps it went beyond expectation. If her sisters could give themselves wholly to their love, then so could she.

Love. It was exhilarating, liberating to open up that well inside her. To no longer have that chain leashing her heart.

And because she knew he'd not make another move, she whispered, 'Are you going to kiss me?'

The fire hissed as a log tumbled further into the hearth. Shadows smoked behind his eyes. 'Only if you want me to.'

Without a doubt, she wanted this. There was a certainty, a clarity in her bones that sang high and free. It whistled through her marrow and glided into her blood, awakening her soul. She was not a child. She could want this. She could have this.

'Yes.'

A frown marred his face and her heart dropped. His eyes were now a hurricane, darkened like night descended over them. Torment was etched in the line of his brows, in the flicker of his jaw as it ground together.

He was afraid. Of hurting her. Ruining her. She'd seen the way he always glimpsed his hands, glancing away with revulsion in his eyes. He thought he was a disgrace, a savage.

But how could that be? How could this male, this male of honour, loyalty and charm think so little of himself? He was better than any male she could've had the pleasure of knowing.

'I know what you're thinking,' she said, 'and I want you to know I trust you, Azriel. You will do me no harm. You couldn't.'

His eyes shuttered as he lowered them, brows still furrowed. He still held her wrist, so, pulling his arm with her, she reached out and stroked his brow with her thumb. She rubbed back and forth in gentle motions until that crease was gone, and he exhaled slowly.

'I trust you, Azriel. So kiss me.'

The moody veil of night lifted from his eyes, the tempest calming to a glistening haze. His heart still pounded, so wondrously loud as he leaned down, his free hand settling against her cheek. He was unhurried, tentative.

It was agonising. Worse still, he paused with an inch of space between their lips. His night-chilled air and cedar scent blended with the smoke and wood of the fire, seductive as it crept into her skin and twined around her bones like ribbons of mist round pillars.

With shadows flickering over his face, and the light so sultry beside them, his eyes were alluring. She'd never let herself notice that before. 'Kiss me,' she said faintly.

Elain didn't breathe as his lips touched hers.

__

Feedback's welcomed, thanks for reading 😊

@illyrian-lover-flower @julesherondalex @nooriee @mis-lil-red @verifiefangirl @tswaney17 @a-happybird @thewayshedreamed @sleeping-and-books @thefangirlofhp @januarystears @courtofjurdan @ladylochan

[softcallofdutyimagines]

How the cannon characters would react to my fannon versions of themselves

Ok, so I had an idea inspired by a convo with @smokeywhalee about cannon characters vs the fannon versions of those characters, and so I wrote this to explore the versions I write verses what it might be like if they met their cannon selves.

These are just my faves for this, since I write/enjoy writing for them the most, but I hope you all can enjoy!

Adler vs My Adler

Bro, Adler would probably shoot my Adler on sight lmao

I can't imagine he'd be very happy with the idea of a perfect clone of himself walking around

That, and the dad bod disturbes him

In all seriousness, I think Adler would give my Adler a chance and at least maybe try to talk with him

If he could somehow confirm that my Adler is indeed a perfect clone of himself, then I can gaurentee you it wouldn't be a very nice means of meeting up

Probably more like a black ops kid knapping tbh

Adler wants to know who sent my Adler and wtf is going on, while my Adler is (understandably) agitated and wants to get back home to Hilda (Bell 😌💖) because he knows she'll be worried

Of course, this would spark another conversation of a clone of Bell being alive in the world

This is of course completely unacceptable for Adler

While my Adler may be a bit more mellowed then regular Adler, he's every bit as tough and stubborn and would never give up Bell's location

All in all, things would end very badly

Like, possibly "fight to the death" badly

Adler sees an inferior version of himself who is a slave to his emotions rather then a solider loyal to his county

My Adler sees a government lapdog so deep and blinded in his own dogma that he's willing to kill anyone he's told to, including his Bell

Idk who would win that fight tbh

My Adler is a little more muscular and has a bit of a weight advantage, but cannon Adler is almost definitely more agile, so....

Best to just keep those two apart

Hudson vs My Hudson

Aw man, this would be the Adlers part two tbh

The only real difference is that my Hudson by and large shares cannon Hudson's average ish body type

They know the exact same stuff, they've been through the exact same stuff, the only difference is that my Hudson does not have a Jenny (he has you!!!)

That's negligible I think tho, so luckily you'd be safe

Hudson would certainly want my Hudson detained for interigation, just to see what's going on here

My Hudson would come willingly, on the condition that he can let you know he'll be away for a time first

I think Hudson would allow it, as long as it's from a secure, CIA line

After some time, my Hudson has been completely cooperative and everyone involved has come to the conclusion that he is indeed not a soviet spy

I'm sure there'd be some sort of security thing they'd have to do, considering you can't just have a man with Hudson's knowledge walking around freely

Maybe they'd try to hire him on lol

My Hudson would do it 10/10

Hudson probably would enjoy working with himself

Finally, someone competent

No, I think the only real thing he doesn't get is the head rubs obsession

It sounds nice, sure, but....

Hudson just can't imagine being that touchy feely

Lazar vs My Lazar

My Lazar would love nothing more then to be instant friends

Maybe chat a little, see what kind of stuff his other self does

Who can you trust if not yourself after all

Cannon Lazar could not disagree more

He's extremely suspicious and twice as freaked out of my Lazar

Probably would pull his gun on him tbh

My Lazar would be able to diffuse the situation at least and the two would try and make sense of what's going on

Lazar never lets his guard down, but he is willing to hear my Lazar out

The two don't become "friends" in the least by the end of it all, mich to my Lazars disappointment, but they would leave on neutral terms

Lazar probably assumes he had a weird hallucination or ate something that made him sick and forgets about the whole thing

My Lazar goes home to his S/O feeling a bit upset at being rejected by his own self

At least my Lazar gets cuddles

Cannon Lazar? I don't see him being very into that kind of physical affection

He seems more like a one night stand, make her breakfast in the morning, then move on type of guy

Definitely not interested in "cuddling"

Oh, and you can forget touching his stomach, even though he actually has abs... unlike my Lazar

Not on your life, my friend

Mason vs My Mason

Oof Mason would probably freak tf out if he met a perfect clone of himself

He'd probably assume that whatever the Russians did to him is acting up and causing this weird hallucination

My Mason understands completely though and tries to calm cannon Mason down

The two talk it out and eventually Mason realizes that there's nothing sinister going on here...

Just some weird ass shit

The two of them actually get along very well

It's kind of therapeutic in a way for cannon Mason to have a literal conversation with himself like this

They actually decide to stay in contact and hangout together more often

However, they do agree to keep each other secret

All hell would break loose in the CIA if they found out there were two Alex Masons walking around

My Mason teaches cannon Mason a little bit if what he's learned in therapy to deal with his anxiety and PTSD

It's a very beneficial and healthy friendship

Weaver vs My Weaver

Weaver is not at all interested in my Weaver lmao

He sees a pathetic, self pitying insult to himself, and my Weaver sees a callus tool who's afraid to open up

That does not go over well, and while the two might have a little old man fist fight if things go particularly bad...

I think they'd probably just agree to leave each other be at the end of the day

Cannon Weaver probably doesn't even report the phenomenon to anyone higher up, he just wants to let it go and do his current job

Meanwhile, my Weaver is pretty wounded by his doppelgangers words and spends the next while wondering if he really is as weak and spineless as he's been told

Luckily he at least has you to come home to and talk about it with

Cannon Weaver is another one where you can forget being touchy feely with him

Even if he did actually need a hug or something like that, you wouldn't catch him dead admitting it

... Perhaps his clone does have a point

Woods vs My Woods

Complete and utter MAYHEM

Woods would probably be pretty freaked out to see a copy of himself out and about

He'd have no problem approaching my Woods and seeing what's up though

Upon finding out that they are indeed the same person, the true trouble begins

Woods honestly doesn't care how my Woods came to be, what he does care about is figuring out what kind of stupid shit the two of them can get up to

Mostly that comes in the form of annoying and freaking out Mason

They both laugh at each other's jokes, but Woods wouldn't miss a chance to roast my Woods' dad bod

This is where the real difference is

Not so much in the physique, but in the personality

My Woods is actually pretty sensitive tbh, so I'm sure he'd get upset and pick a fight with cannon Woods just to shut him up

Which of course, cannon Woods would love

I mean, how often is he going to get the chance to try and kick his own ass?????

Once again, not sure who would win, but let's just say it wouldn't be pretty

Although, if I had to guess, I'd probably say cannon Woods

Only because I try to consistently portray my Woods as his physical age while cannon Woods is miraculously always spry and limber

Not very fair, but ok

Anyway things only would get worse if Woods found out my Woods has an S/O that fawns over him and such

Pretty sure Woods would puke on the spot just at the thought of letting someone "cuddle" him

They become enemies pretty fast and my Woods tries to avoid cannon Woods when he can

That guy's an asshole

[firelxdykatara]

um not to start anything “zuko had everything handed to him by the end of the show even though it took him until nearly the very end to realize he’s wrong: a country, a crown, his girlfriend that HE left behind, the love of his uncle that zuko spent most of the show yelling at and being a dick to, and that’s why he just doesn’t deserve ANYWAY I’M JOKING but this is how y’all be talking about aang” who even talks about aang this why????

It sounds to me like some Aang stans grossly misunderstand criticisms surrounding the writing of Aang’s arc in book 3, in particular during the finale.

This is actually a pattern I’ve noticed with distressing frequency, particularly of late: any criticism of Aang at all--of his actions, the narrative scaffolding surrounding them (never having to apologize for kissing Katara without her consent, for example), or of the failings in the way his narrative was handled (in book 3 especially)--is written off as hate and derided by stans who I can only assume believe that the writing of his character arc was perfect and he never did anything wrong that deserves fair criticism ever in his life.

To this, I can only state my firm disagreement.

The thing is, they don’t really have any counter arguments to refute the points that actually get made (which isn’t to say there aren’t bad faith criticisms of his character just like everyone else, but unlike most of the cast, ppl seem far more inclined to act like there are no valid criticisms of his character or his writing), which is likely why they just write it all off as unfounded hatred of their precious bean fave and ignore it accordingly. But that doesn’t, like, make the issues with his writing, or with book 3 as a whole, go away, and the fact that they refuse to engage with good faith criticism (and, in fact, often refuse to engage with criticism at all by pretending there’s no foundation for any of it--I’ve actually seen people try to justify Aang’s actions in, for example, Bato of the Water Tribe by insisting that Sokka and Katara were actually worse and that Aang lying to them shouldn’t be held against him because they were Mean About It which.... yeah I could go off for days about that alone) says more about their lack of actual engagement with the text of the show than it does about the people who are criticizing his character.

The things that we say were handed to Aang--the deus ex lionturtle (which gave him energybending), the Rock of Destiny (aka the thing that gave him back the Avatar State without having to even attempt to do the work to unblock his chakras again himself), and Katara, presented to him as the prize he’d won at the very end of the show--are things that he did not do the work to actually earn.

Which will probably get some peoples’ backs up, so let me rephrase--the narrative did not put in the work to show how he actually earned these things, preferring to waste time with pointless filler in the front half of the season and then only bring up problems and then solve them within the four episode finale because they left no more room for these very plot critical points earlier in the show. Take Aang’s unwillingness to kill Ozai, for example--this is something that absolutely should have come up far earlier in the season (prior to the invasion at least), and the fact that it didn’t says two things: one, that because the writers knew Aang wasn’t actually going to face Ozai during the eclipse, they didn’t think it mattered to follow through on what Aang planned to do if the invasion had been successful; and two, his sudden clinging to his people’s pacifism seems directly at odds with where the entire narrative of the show had been headed to that point. Why is he suddenly insisting he’s the consummate pacifist when we’ve seen evidence in the show of not only Aang reacting in violence and vengeance (towards the sandbenders, and that wasp he killed), but also evidence that Air Nomads were not the sort of pacifists who would roll over and just let someone commit genocide (the fire nation corpses surrounding Monk Gyatso, clear evidence [which Aang never seems to so much as consider at any point during the series, despite the fact that it could have been a point of much-needed growth and maturation, or at least examining his own people’s beliefs and realizing that, at twelve, he had a flawed and incomplete understanding of his own culture] that even Aang’s mentor was willing to kill in order to protect his home and his people)? Why, if he’s so damn pacifistic, did he never seem to consider with guilt any of the lives he took while in the Avatar state and fused with the Ocean Spirit?

And no, by the way, I’m not saying he’s to blame for the deaths Koizilla caused, but I am saying that it doesn’t make sense that he feels no remorse over all of that blood. Particularly since we see that he considers actions taken while in the Avatar State to be his own--he feels guilty when he goes into the AS and scares his friends, and he very specifically removes himself from the AS to avoid killing Ozai, which tells me that he does consider the AS’ actions to be his own. And if all life is sacred to him to the point where he won’t even eat meat (although Air Nomad vegetarianism makes no sense, but that’s another rant entirely) why doesn’t he so much as mourn for the lives lost during the attack?

These are all questions which the narrative itself never considered, and it’s frustrating because many of them are questions which should have been asked--and answered, or at least attempted--in the course of the final act of Aang’s character arc. He had a great set up going into the third book, with Monk Gyatso’s teachings filling in some of the blanks in Aang’s (again, flawed and incomplete--I challenge anyone to try telling me that if they were completely removed from their culture at age twelve, and it was subsequently wiped completely from the face of the earth, that they’d have anything close to a deep and nuanced understanding of it; twelve-year-olds don’t have a deep and nuanced understanding of anything, nevermind an entire culture and worldview, which is why Aang kept parroting soundbytes from the monks without actually understanding them) understanding of Air Nomad beliefs, but this thread was completely dropped in favor of... I’m still not sure, honestly.

Was Aang running away from his problems and effectively lying to his friends (does he ever actually come clean about being completely unable to access the Avatar State of his own volition?) more important than going back to the Guru, or at least his teachings, and coming to understand his own culture? Where was his arc of regaining the Avatar State because he worked for it, because he tried to re-open his chakras and, for example, came to understand what letting go of his attachment to Katara really means? (That’s actually one of the most frustrating bits, because a) he gets to have his possessive and unhealthy attachment to Katara and get the Avatar State back, despite paying lipservice to letting her go at the end of book 2; and b) he never seems to get what ‘attachment’ the Guru was actually referring to--letting go of Katara doesn’t mean he had to stop caring about or even loving her, but it does mean he was supposed to give up his selfish and possessive attachment to her, which means no nodding when some actor in a play calls fake!Katara ‘the Avatar’s girl’ and no assuming they were supposed to be in a romantic relationship despite never actually asking about her feelings and no kissing her without her consent just because he wanted her to feel the same way about him and didn’t care whether or not she actually did [otherwise he would have asked, and he never once even tried].)

Instead, rather than having a season-long arc of re-navigating his chakras, opening them, and regaining the Avatar State under his own power, he gets thrown against a well-placed rock which does all the work for him at the very last second. Energybending, which wasn’t even thought of as a possibility earlier in the season, rather than being a concept he comes to discover on his own as he navigates his chakras for a second time and comes to understand the how the energy flows between each one, is likewise just given to him by a third party, with no work necessary on his part. And as for Katara, well, I’ve ranted at length about that in the past, but their last one-on-one interaction before the epilogue is when Aang kisses her without her consent, and she gets pissed off about it and storms off. There is nothing to bridge the gap between that and make-out city, nothing at any point indicating Katara’s feelings (because, as far as Kataang was concerned, her feelings never mattered) and how they were changing, no apology from Aang for violating her boundaries, no understanding of what he did wrong and why it was wrong. Nothing. Not a single conversation.

That is why we say that Katara was handed to him like a trophy. Because she was. Kataang was endgame not because it made any sense for Katara, but because Aang was the hero, and he saved the day, and he deserved to get his forever girl on top of it. There was never any real attempt to broach Katara’s feelings on the matter--she’s never shown reflecting on their pre-invasion kiss (in fact, by all appearances she completely forgot it even happened), and she is never once asked what her feelings are, not by Aang or the narrative--because, at the end of the day, they didn’t matter. Aang was getting the girl he wanted, and that was that.

We say that Aang was handed these things without working for them because the entire narrative of book three seemed particularly engineered to making sure he didn’t have to. Zuko, meanwhile, had to work for everything he achieved--the gaang’s trust, Katara’s in particular, his crown and his kingdom. (No, he didn’t particularly work to get Mai back, but that’s a whole other discussion, and he would’ve been much better off if she never showed up again after TBR.) He didn’t get to take any shortcuts. Aang’s arc is all shortcuts, at least in book 3, and that’s when they attempted to show how he got from point a to point b at all.

Anyway, the situations couldn’t possibly be any more different, and idk who said that but whomever it is clearly does not understand where the criticisms about Aang and his hamstringed book 3 arc are coming from.

[crimsonandcloverwrites]

bhah ch7 can’t stop won’t stop

lmao Dani being like ‘we should wait to discuss kids til after we’re married’ yes doesn’t seem like a giant thing u should make sure u agree on before u make a major commitment at all

Dani is so in love with Jamie sdjkhdfkjg driving to her house on instinct and just like...gazing at her in her old t-shirt and sweats like you’ve finally seen the light girl just kiss her already

god I can’t believe I have 2 more chapters of them as adults just being the absolute perfect match for each other to get through before they finally kiss in ch 11 (i’m maninfesting it no one say anything) I am literally going to scream. Dani will like... feel a little off and it’s all “i need to go to Jamie’s house and also tell Jamie everything and she will make me tea and let me be myself without all the expectations and I will feel better” I AM VERY HAPPY SHE CAN BE THAT FOR YOU BUT ALSO CAN YOU SEE WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE MS CLAYTON (actually I think she kind of does but she must extract herself from her real life first I guess)

oh no the new chapter is almost here I still have so much to read

forget ‘there was only one bed’ this is now a ‘there was only one tent’ stan blog only

thirsty Dani truly is the funniest I am so sorry ur suffering is so entertaining. Dani: literally whacks her finger with a mallet bc horny for Jamie. Me: uncontrollable chortling

the idea of Dani wrangling 8 year olds that are probably just about as tall as her is too funny. tiny legend

aww the lil background Hannah and Owen moments. cute

Dani in a big ol’ straw hat pls that’s so cute

this Jackie and Jamie situation..... GIVE US THE DEETS

hmmmmnnnnnngggg Jamie just straight down on her knees in front of Dani to tie her shoe lace I will absolutely let u have this gay panic Dani u don’t deserve to be made fun of right now

Jamie “I have a story” absolutely NOT

Viola, emerging from the lake in this no ghosts childhood friends story: surprise bitch

these two drunk idiots are literally teenagers dsjkhdfkgjh just get in ur tent

Dani, drunk in a tiny tent w the love of her life: hope this doesn’t awaken anything in me

when we finally get a Jamie on her knees redemption moment-

Dani, drunk in a tiny tent w the love of her life currently taking her clothing off: oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck (y’all really wanted to torture her this chapt huh?)

“dawn was a saffron colored suggestion peeking through a pinhole gap in the tent’s zipper” god that’s a pretty sentence can i pls borrow some talent

Jamie and Dani w kids is sooooo cute they have such a nice balance between them

just thinking about if teenage Jamie desperately in love w her bestie could see things now Dani being all into her w all her lingering looks etc how the fuckin turn tables

“Dani kept a firm grip on her sanity” lol

oh my god they’re both drenched in the tent w the soft lamplight and only their own bodyheat to keep warm whatever will they do

oh wait they also have the heat of their burning attraction to each other they’ll be toasty as anything

hhhhngggg abs

that’s like 4 mentions of Jamie on her knees aklhfdkjgkdjh enough

lads is it gay to imagine running ur fingertips over the scar on your friends back before pressing ur lips to it or...?

Jamie taking the time to teach Dani car things aww

lol not the smutty book

eddie honking at her gets so under my skin like my dude... my guy... stop

Dani thinking so hard about rain damp Jamie and how much she wanted to jump her while she’s in the car w her boyf and MIL. girl

imagine if we had to sit through a dani and eddie wedding before she finally managed to call this off how cursed

ayoooo Carson’s show I cannot wait. omg we get it this chapter too gbless this really is the Dani suffering hours

Jamie just so casually like.... not even flirting w Dani it’s all just kinda observations but every other thing she says makes Dani stop breathing skdhfdkfjh this is so good

Dani has like... a lack of object permanence but with Jamie feelings ok

pleeease the Dani Carson road trip that’s so cute I can just imagine what fun they would have had

uuughhh i wanna go to a sweaty bar n listen to loud music again

also would like a Jamie to press their hand to my lower back n make me lose my mind in a sweaty bar to loud music

this lil jamie dani carson trio is my faaaave

“Girls must be all over you.” and Jamie choking on her drink dsfkjsdhkf oh Dani u beautiful naive angel. god that’s so funny

Robin instantly going for Jamie... same bro

Carson’s lil found family band pls my heart is so full

Carson calling them his sisters n Jamie freezing up bby when are u going to accept these people care abt u and love u like family

Robin is so brazenly just like ‘ur hot’. a voice of the people i love her

Dani being lowkey jealous as IF Ms Taylor has eyes for anyone else babe

Carson knoooowwwwws. When do we get the Carson O’Mara biopic please I want his takes on everything I know they’re excellent

oh my god Jamie knowing Dani’s fave kind of pizza pls I love that so much (I can’t remember if it’s been mentioned in the past few chapters but I remember her being mad that Eddie didn’t in CH1? i love this lil detail) (also I literally just ate vegge pizza I feel so immersed in this experience)

dfkgjhdfkjgh Jamie licking her finger and Dani completely combusting this is so entertaining

fuck n then it gets all soft and about how they’ve been in love their whole lives this is emotional whiplash

Jamie constantly in protector mode but in this really quiet comforting way is so sweet I love her so much

god I just feel so bad for Dani that this kind of insane electricity she has with Jamie has probably never been a thing in her relationship w Ed bby u deserve someone that makes u feel like this

awww Carsons bf

Dani’s soul leaving her body when she sees them kissing oh no

Jamie giving Dani her jacket pleeease I am dying here... the romance of it all

and shariing cigarettes and intense looks these two really are somethin else

lmao even Robin is picking up on their vibes you two could level a building with the amount of tension between u

Dani’s moment of Realisation abt Carson n Jamie just being like... well yeah

lmao Dani subtly trying to figure out if Jamie is gettin’ it sdkgdfhkjgh

when these do two finally get together both of them are gonna be like... taken out by all of this. Dani has only ever known Eddie who just does not get her (and the fact that she is a lesbian so she’s never had real feelings for him in that way) and it seems like Jamie has only ever had surface level relationships with people who never really got her either (while also being in love w her best friend who she never thought would love her back). there’s no way this is wont eventually make at least one person cry a bunch (probably me) with how right all of it is

god Dani is so horny for Jamie sdflkdfjgkfdj preemptive RIP for Ms Taylor when Dani finally does get to live out all these daydreams on her I just know someones gonna end up pulling somethin

Does Dani like.... get that she will never love Edmund that way like is she fully aware of the fact she loves him but she’s not in love with him and all these feelings for Jamie aren’t just because it’s Jamie but because she’s not straight??? have we gone on that journey yet

aw Ed waited up for her

the book the book the book

dsfkdhfgkj oh Dani

“Jamie on her knees, looking up at her” listen-

girl u are so fucked

SIX. SIX MENTIONS OF JAMIE ON HER KNEES pls

THE DREAM

who could this possibly be about hmmmm Dani

christ

THE MEASURES SHE TAKES TO DEAL WITH THE DREAM lordt

“baffled but excited” i think is how I almost always picture eddie lol

dang get it girl take control

aw dani u poor confused little duck. i just wanna give her a hug

Dani dressed as Dorothy is awfuly cute

heh Jamie as a wolf i love her fursona

lmao toto

of course Jamie is well aquainted with the bleachers. cheeky. oh no not the art room. Dani dying inside and then imagining herself there with Jamie girl has got it baaaad u poor lil repressed gayby

Dani is... so thirsty... goddamn

lmao Jamie blatantly checking her out are u trying to kill her she already wants to rip ur clothes off

“To the third floor art room?” dfksdhfgkjdfhgjdhf imagine if this was it they just banged it out in the art room right now n got things sorted

god they go from horny to soft so quick i love the ways they care about each other

Jamie saying the scarecrow costume is fitting for Eddie PLEASE

ooh the infamous hickey

What Dani deseves: snuggles. What Dani recieves: struggles

the MEMES. god bless the memes

this was an excellent companion for my Wednesday hopefully I can churn through the rest of em before we are blessed w ch11 amen

[littlespaceporgs]

i have a need for more soft plo my dear 💕 how abt “i wanted to say ‘i love you’ for the first time without stuttering, but that failed” with everyone’s fave kel dor? also i love you to the moon and back and am super proud of you

A/N: Yeah that’s right, I’m back mostly fully now and yes I am writing the requests I have! JJ - I hope you like this! I LOVE U TOO! It’s funny to start off with and then goes angsty and then goes super fluffy and is an emotional rollercoaster from start to finish. I was aiming for a little 500 word blurb... it stands at 1.7ish i think 💀

So if you haven’t been reading my Clone Wars Reacts series, you probably aren’t aware that I am a massive simp for Plo Koon (and others characters 🤦‍♀️)and if this is you deciding to read them here’s the link to my masterlist, which has all the parts posted already.   

Glimpse

Word Count: 1.7k Pairing: Plo Koon x Jedi!Reader Summary: Anakin running late, an awful sense of foreboding, and one thing that you were yet to say, mixed with a glimpse of a future you couldn’t have. What could possibly go wrong?

Tags for my loves: @peacelandbread @clonewarslover55 @libradusk @catsnkooks @mcu-padawan

The reasons why you agreed to go on a mission on Skywalker seemed to escape you at the moment. His plans, though working occasionally, had the reputation of heavy damage and being absurdly reckless. You did however, enjoy working with Ahsoka, though she could be just as bull-headed as Anakin on occasion. Maybe it was for her sake that you joined the mission?

The plan had originally been for you to lead a small troop of men in quietly, retrieve the data you needed, and then Skywalker would swoop in and distract them so that you could escape. The entry went well, and collecting the data happened without a hitch, but you were spotted on the way out and Skywalker was late. Again. And to make things worse, your comms stopped working a very long time ago.

“If you concentrated on getting out instead of what you’re thinking, we might just survive.”

Ah, that’s why you came on this blasted trip.

“Well maybe if you focused on this, instead of your sarcasm, we may live past the next 10 minutes, Plo.”

You’d known the Kel-dor for many years, almost as long as you’d been a Jedi, but the feelings you had for him were only a few years old, and started shortly after you began going on regular missions with him. He always had put the wellbeing of others ahead of his own, which was frustrating to no end, but endearing all the same. He knew that you had a way of overthinking every situation and very quickly becoming a ‘stress head’, so he always simplified the instructions and looked for the tell-tale signs of you steadily becoming unstuck. Always waiting for the clones to get on board an escape pod, making sure there were enough supplies, somehow always having all the answers and a witty response. It was the little things at any rate.

Like now for example, as you both knelt behind a box, trying to catch your breath, and he was trying to use humour as a way of distracting you from the very real possibility of dying by the hands of a droid.

You stretched up from your crouch and turned to look over the box. Oh shit, there’s an entire battalion of droids just a few meters – oh, and that one’s pointing- oh.

With a sharp tug, Plo pulled you back down, the blaster bolt whizzing past where your eyes had been only half a second ago. Despite not being able to see his eyes and mouth, he still gave you an exasperated expression.

“Be more-”

“I was fine! I saw it coming and I was going to move!” The Kel-dor ran a hand across his forehead, although, at this point he should be used to this type of behaviour from you.

Despite the joking and poking fun, your stomach was sinking further by the minute. As you just realised, if you stepped out, you would surely be shot instantly. A vast majority of the clone troopers had long since been torn apart. Swallowing, you closed your eyes, and leaned back resting your head on the box. There is no way either of you are going to surrender and get captured, but you both were aware of the fact that you likely weren’t making it out of this either.

Your shoulder was burning, and your ribs and abdomen ached, and there was a blaster burn on your leg. Another hand wrapped around your own, and squeezed it tight. Trying to stop shaking, you spoke.

“I – we’re not getting out of this one…” You turned your head and opened your eyes, finding his face. His eyes were turned down at the edges, and his shoulders were slumped the smallest bit. “Are we?”

Plo turned and took a similar position to you, not letting go of your hand.

“We must not think like-”

“Be realistic we-”

“It’s going to be-”

“Don’t- don’t you dare say it’ll be fine-”

“Skywalker-”

“isn’t coming! Or- or if he is, he’ll be too late!” you couldn’t stop your voice from shaking now, stuttering more with every word that came out.  Plo’s head hung and you could see the weight of your words hanging on him.

“At um – at least we’ll go out as we are, teasing the s-shit out of each other, you old man.” He let a laugh drift out of the mask.

“Don’t call me old, youngling.” You laughed back, smirking all the while. If you’re going to die here – if technically you wouldn’t be jedi – your heart raced at the thought. The code was – well if you’re dead you can’t very well follow the code, now can you?

“I- I um I love you.” As soon as it was out, you felt lighter and heavier all at once. His back straightened so fast the back of his head nearly whacked the crate. When he finally turned to you, his brows were sitting much further up on his face than what they had been before, so you traced every corner on his face with your eyes, just in case. His hand squeezed yours tighter.

“I- well I wanted to say it without stuttering, and preferably when we weren’t a few minutes from death, but well- I guess there’s really no time like the present?” He still hadn’t moved, frozen and staring at you. Oh, no. You waved your free hand in front of his face, trying to break his stupor.

“Plo? Are you-”

“I love you too.”

You couldn’t help but smile, your hand moving to his face instead, moving your thumb across his cheekbone. Idly, you noticed that he hadn’t let go of your other hand yet. His hand moved the hair from your face, smudging the ash and dirt also. With a hand on the back of your head, he gently pulled so your foreheads pressed together. Your eyes slid shut, and you concentrated on the feeling of warmth and light that this brought. If this was the last thing you remembered before death, then you would die happily. For now, you savoured the few seconds you had sitting there. You sighed, and opened your eyes.

“I – just-”

“I know.” You pulled away, and despite the happiness of a few seconds before, a sense of foreboding sat heavily in your chest. You swallowed harder, and moved to grab your lightsaber. You grasped it tight, and ignited the glowing blade. Next to you, you heard his blade reveal itself. Your muscles in your legs tensed, and you braced your shoulders. One more time. When you turned to him, he was still looking at you, with a sad expression that rivalled your own. You shuffled so you were instead in a crouch, ready to fight. Might as well go out swinging.

You took a deep breath and steeled your nerves. For a second before you stood, you couldn’t hear anything. When you thought back and remembered it, there was the sound of droid’s legs and chatter, of occasional blaster fire of those who were left, and your lightsaber humming in your ear. At the time, there was nothing. You just kept staring at Plo, hoping that somehow, you’d get more of this, more than 5 seconds.

Faster than a blink, you got a glimpse of a future that could have been. Cold nights on Coruscant, wrapped up in blankets, watching the night sky past by. Daybreak, curled up in each other’s arms, feeling the glow of sun come in. On missions with small troops of trusted clones, being able to be open with your relationship. Sneaking around before council meetings, trying to savour what moments you could before missions. Feeling like young padawan’s again, running around quietly. Visions of you leaving the order, years from now, quoting being unable to stick to the code, Plo following shortly after. Of you building a home, your stomach steadily growing outwards.

And just like that it was over, and you were stuck with a reality of death.

Your throat burned and your vision blurred. Now.

And then Plo’s hand desperately grabbing yours and pulling you down again, a shrill beeping coming from his wrist. Your heart pulsed in your ears and you looked to the sky. Of course.

“Sorry, we were busy dealing with Ventress! How are you holding up?” A scathing laugh burst out of your throat. The droids were falling back, away from your position at the sight of the sheer number of Republic soldiers. You laid back on the dirt, feeling the sun on your skin, soaking up whatever light you could. It was only now that you felt the weight lift, where the light feeling of relief took its place. Plo begun to answer Anakin. You cut him off with a venomous tone.

“We’re a-”

“We’re alive, you’re late, and I am going to kill you, Skywalker.” There was an audible sigh that sounded suspiciously amused from Plo as he made to stand.

“I wasn’t that la-”

“Don’t even finish that sentence.”

Plo’s hand reached down and hovered near your face, though you ignored it and shot up on your own, winding your arms around his neck. He softly grunted as you laughed and the realisations began to sink in. Maker, we nearly died. We were very nearly dead. You nearly had to watch the man you fell in love with die.

Whilst your mind rambled, he pulled apart, and was still brushing the hair from your forehead again. You hadn’t noticed, but he was taking in every freckle, wrinkle and scar you had, like you had been doing to him not too long ago.

You nearly died. Plo nearly died. You almost didn’t get to say – oh, no. You told him. You thought you were going to die and you told him. But now you’re not going to die. And he said it back.

He said your name and whisked you from the spiral. His leathery forehead leant down and pressed against yours.

“I love you.”

Maker, he said it again. You grinned, and pulled him closer. You wanted to say it one thousand times at the top of your lungs, and suddenly the glimpse didn’t seem as far out of reach as it had a few minutes ago.

“I love you too.”

[avocadomin]

final kingdom rankings

i decided to do the dumb thing that took too long and ranked all of the kingdom stages based on my personal opinion and ranked my top 7 over all (unit stages included). once again this is an opinion and i’m more then happy to discuss other opinions on the stages, but don’t use this post to bash me or others if it differs from your own. this will include notes on both the performance and the music itself.

with that said i’ll keep it under the cut as this will probably be a long post (spoiler: it is </3):

quick note: i watched all the stages by group and each stage in chronological order as i was taking notes. there may be some repeats of things or i bring up something that’s in a lower ranking stage if a higher ranking stage was one of the more recent ones (hope that makes sense). also if you don’t want to read everything there’s a top 5 ranking and my own final group ranking at the bottom.

skz:

stage 3 - i’ll be your man: seungmin and jisung vocals!!! i’m still not too familiar with the original btob song so i’m not sure how skz’s version varies from it, but their version i think fits their team really well. chan took a little bit of a back burner this stage, but we really got to hear the vocal side of skz shine through this song esp in their lower register which i think it stronger then their upper one lmao. jisung is really the only one (that i think) can belt some of those high notes so consistently. on the actual performance side of things there was an interesting use of sets and props, but not over done. there were some really ineresting dance breaks esp at the end of the song. the story of the stage was also i think one of skz’s strongest (and no guns <3). i really hope skz does a song like this in the future cause they can obviously pull it off.

stage 2 - side effects / god’s menu: really loved how we got to see a different side of skz on this stage with their acting! i don’t think they had another stage that was quite like this one. also loved the mixing again with both side effects and god’s menu with how they used felix as the transition between the two songs, and the FAT synths during the ‘my head hurts’ right before going into god’s menu. while this is a strong stage musically, acting and energy wise. i feel like there was too much of a reliance on props and a lot of work was done by the dancers which was visually amazing!! but skz is a strong dance group too and i wish it wasn’t as flashy as it was.

final stage - wolfgang: this stage and their 2nd stage are honestly tied but i think wolfgang is slightly lower cause i prefer the mixing for the 2nd stage. really dissapointed there was no epic organ player that was killed at the end </3 but that aside i would say wolfganf is a just a really strong skz song that’s a little more in the 3racha style. i really liked how they tied in some of the points from their intro stages with the green mouth light things and some of the samples used in the track! the reason it’s middle of the pack (haha get it cause their wolves.....i’ll stop) for me is similar to the side effects stage as it relies a lot on their dancers and props. it was a really nice ending performance to end their time on kingdom. (also one of their most messiest stages, but it was probably the one with the least amount of time for practice with everything lmao)

intro stage - miroh: really great intro stage for the skz cause we really got a taste of what was to come with kingdom (sadly no jinnie). the mixing was insane and one of my faves i think for skz (esp minho’s part <3). it had the same height of energy as the original tack, just much darker, and there was decent balance between vocals, dance, and rapping. it also showed their great work as a team with the small stunts in the choreo.

stage 4 - god’s menu x d4: don’t get me wrong, this stage is really neat with the deadpool stuff, but it’s also a stage that won’t really age that well? it was more on the gimmicky side of kingdom stages and i’m not sure why they had a large chunk of the choreo with guns???? that’s not needed that you. going into the good things...binnie popped off!! he really stuck out to me this stage rap wise. also the drop for the first d4 chorus was very unexpected but also really satisfying? kinda reminds me of the drop in the chorus for 1team’s ‘make this’ (go check it out if you don’t know the song). over all a really fun stage and their energy was really good, but just wish it wasn’t quite and gimmicky as it was </3

ateez: man i miss mingi....comeback soon king

final stage - the real: ok this stage is also really really close to their wonderland stage but is just SLIGHTLY ahead it. this stage was probably one of the most fun ones to watch out of ateez’s kingdom performances because they seemed so loose? like they were really just feeling themselves on this stage and it just looked like they were really enjoying themselves out there like this is what they were born to do. i also love this song and it’s one of my fave recent releases from ateez again (i’m not too big of a fan of their fever series sorry </3). the energy, rap, vocals, choreo was just all there. i’m just really glad we were able to see one of these stages again where we go to see the group really just let loose and half so much fun performing before the end of kingdom.

stage 2 - from the wonderland: look...i KNOW there’s a tentacle, but i’m going to look past that. it might be the favoritism towards wonderland as it is one of my top ateez titles, but i think it they did do a really good job mashing it together with symphony no. 9. there was a decent balance between using props/reliance on dancers and the group actually dancing. jongho slayed that high note at the end, and it was actually placed well in the song where it didn’t seem out of place. and them the OUTRO just represents one of the main reason’s i love ateez with their amazing energy. high energy song, high energy choreo...just the perfect ending to get you hyped. also one last note....seonghwa looked so hot when he was walking through the line of dancers with that rifle (he just looked good this whole stage <3).

stage 3 - the awakening of summer: a very different style from the original and i’d say even a different style for ateez but it still works?? the beginning was a lil cheesy and not sure how the whisper talking/rapping through most of the song works for me, but the INSTRUMENTAL pls play it at my funeral...that synth line <3 i really liked the little choreo with the rope that san did and the overall choreo was also really strong. the outro was a little let down on the energy of it. it may be cause there was some slight timing issues with the vocals and backing track or they were just missing SOMETHING for it, but jongho slayed that belted note once again where i’m not too mad at it lmao.

stage 4 - answer: in the first half i really thought this was going to be one of my fave stages for ateez as the added strings were a nice touch and i loved how they made some references to their past songs and overall concept story line. overall musically in the first part it was decently balanced with a few ode to joy and answer. once it got to the part where it was the opera singers i was????? if they stopped there i think it could have still worked, but the ending there was just so much going on but it was also missing so much as well?? i didn’t understand jongho’s one belted note at the end. this was the only stage where i really felt it didn’t fit. they either needed to not add it at all or have him have one other note after it with maybe a break between the two notes to make it feel more complete. overall...a decent stage, but it really just didn’t have that ateez polish on it.

intro stage - wave: ok tbh i....kinda hated this stage? NOTHING on ateez or wave, just the song did not translate to the style they ended up choosing for it. i think say my name would have been a really strong intro song in the final style chose esp since it didn’t come up in their later stages. the choreo was really strong, but honestly the mixing just seemed like they forced two pieces together that didn’t fit.

the boyz: ok i just want to write a quick note as a general opinion i have across all their stages. tbz is a really solid group overall esp with dancing, but i feel like for kingdom they played it safe in a lot of ways and we didn’t see much variation of wow factors from their stages. they were good!! just (usually) fairly predictable like they set the bar high and then just never raised it again </3

stage 4 - monster: this ranks so high partially cause i love exo’s monster sm but besides that point </3 the vocal line seemed to be pretty much a copy paste from the original (not a bad thing at all) but once again the instrumental my beloved <3 i think because the vocal line was pretty much the same as exo’s made it a really nice balance between the original and tbz version. i wasn’t too sure about the giant snake towards the end, but it actually wasn’t too bad as it was more of just the use of an entrance, then just a bg prop after that. as with all of their stages, the choreo was really solid, but it was the arrangement of the song that really put this performance on the top.

final stage - kingdom come:  dance wise i think this is my favorite out of all their stages. they had neat transitions from their pre recorded parts of the stage and the live part of the stages. really liked the part where the hand off screen was controlling the chroeo. then the dance break/outro!! not sure what it was, but i think it just really highlighted their strengths in dancing as a group. the song itself didn’t stand out at all and i think that’s why it ranks lower then their monster stage. it sounds a lot like checkmate to me (possible blended with salty???) so it’s a solid track, but it just doesn’t sound that different from their past ‘finale sounding’ tracks. it was a nice stage to end on for them as it was really solid, and it capped of their time with the kingdom series well.

stage 2 - no air: tbh the orginal song for no air doesn’t do much but i LOVE this mix of it. it might be the slowdown of the chorus that really does it for me, but it’s one of my fave mixes for their stage. really solid choreo and i liked the paired dancing with the other dancers in the first chorus. i think tbz i one of the the better groups when it comes to non-power dancing....not sure how to word it, but they’re very graceful and i love when they show it off and the dancing in front of the white fabric was a really nice touch. they also pulled off their stunts really well!! that’s another things they’re pretty reliable in, but it’s something they don’t overuse which is nice. a very strong stage overall for them.

stage 3 - the red wedding: someone is going to murder me for this, but i’m not the biggest fan of o solo mio </3 tbz did a really good job with the song! music wise for me is just that the rap sections i think didn’t flow too well in their rendition of the song. i don’t remember how they fit in the original but it didn’t fit that well in this stage ;_; i thought the rest was really good! their use of props wasn’t overdone and added some interest to the choreo that was already really strong. also really enjoyed the sections in the birdcage with the female dancer. another really solid performance by them.

intro stage - the stealer: LOVED the choreo and formations for this performance. they’re a really strong dance group and i’m glad we got to see how good their dancing is with no props or anything. the song it’s self wasn’t too special, it was a solid mix but it seemed like something we’ve seen before? i think it reminded be of one of their stages from rtk, but i don’t remember which one ;_;

sf9:

stage 4 - move: CONGRATS TO SF9 FOR BEING THE ONLY GROUP THAT HAS TAEYANG. i could watch that man dance all day damn. the only thing i didn’t really like/understand was the very end where they were standing in the rain??? it would have been neat if they had one final dance break in the rain box or a solo dance or SOMETHING...it just didn’t need to be there otherwise </3 but everything else was SO GOOD. the concept of the stage was strong, the mixing was fit the group really well, and with move being such a difficult dance, the members did a really good job with it. the props/sets used i think added to it, and there was a good balance between those and the group actually dancing. glad to know taemin covers in the kingdom series did the original songs justice <3

final stage - believer: taeyang once again <3 overall the track sounds like a really solid b-side, but their performance really brought it up to a nice finale song. loved their references to their past stages with the props and formations with the dances, it wasn’t too much and didn’t distract from the rest of it. the use of reflections was also really well done!! that prop was super cool and loved how they played around with it. overall a really nice way to end kingdom for them, and i think dance and staging wise, it was one of my faves to come from them.

stage 3 - the scene: congrats sf9 for being the only group that has hwiyoung <3 tbh this stage would probably be my number one of they didn’t have the guns during the choreo </3 it just...brought it down so much for me (and the blurred out knife???). i think the mixing was pretty solid as it was close to tbz version, but made it fit sf9 really well. the fight scenes were super well done and i feel like did add something to the stage. then overall the dancing was really sharp this time around!! a super good stage....just take out the dancing guns.

stage 2 - jealous: this was one of the few stages outside the introductions that didn’t have a super heavy reliance on props, they didn’t rank well, and then we never saw a stage like it again </3 i loved this stage!! it didn’t change drastically music wise, but i really liked the kind of rock style? remix of now or never and it fit well with the concept of the stage. the formations!!! in this performance were some of my fave and loved the bits of choreo we saw when the members were dancing with the female dancers. there were some parts with the members weren’t quite in sync with each other, but overall it was really solid and sad we didn’t get to see a stage like this one again ;_;

intro stage - good guy: if sf9 just did suit concepts in the future i would not be mad <3 but overall a solid intro stage! there wasn’t much difference music wise except in the dance break in the beginning from the original song. choreo was pretty crisp and overall done well. there were no ‘wow’ factors in this stage, but a very solid one overall. 

ikon:

final stage - at ease: tbh i wasn’t too sure about the song in previews, but it’s grown a lot on me as this past week went on. it’s a great hype song and has the energy of ikon that i really love. the drop the in the chorus is really satisfying and it was just as satisfying visually in the performance as well. they used their dancers really well and the members also did really well with the chorus choreo. it was just overall a really satisfying stage for ikon and it was the only stage in my opinion they ramped up their more laid back energy and worked so well.

stage 2 - to the world: this is one of the stages that really does age pretty well. i wasn’t a huge fan of it mainly bc of the ending and it’s still not my fave but it didn’t take away as much from the stage as i remember. i LOVE both love scenario and killing me. the love scenerio portion of the stage i think it still one of my fave ikon moments. the acting was solid and i liked their story with it. in some ways i wish at least killing me was a little more hard hitting and less a copy and paste for the most part from their original. love scenario was an amazing opening but killing me needed something to make a solid ending song as it caused the energy of the stage to kinda fall off or not really raise at all. overall i do really like this stage, it just needs more of something for the ending.

intro - rhythm ta: i think this was my 2nd fave intro stage right being skz’s. i love the formation in the beginning and the vocal fry on the ‘ikon is back’ was a nice touch. it also just seemed like the most loose intro stage? like this wasn’t their first rodeo and just felt really comfortable on this stage. overall loved the energy of the stage, and there was solid mixing of the song and good choreo.

stage 3 - inception: this isn’t hate on bobby or anything but his rap parts really bought this performance down for me </3 it might have just been an off day or smth but...yeah. otherwise i really liked the stage!! the mixing was really intresting and they really made inception into their own ikon style. the sets used was also probably my fave overall? it was really really neat with the changing sets to match the song title. also the ending was super cool with the dancers in that final formation where they kinda slowed down. a really cool stage overall.

stage 4 - classy savage: family watching yg tv time <3 i think there was a really nice balance of both the original bp song and ikon’s style. tbh it seems opposite of what i said with the boyz..the insturmental seemed pretty close to blackpink’s, but the vocal/rap was very much the ikon style. the reason this one is so low for me is because it seemed like two separate stages with lisa? it was really neat that she was added, but it would have been so cool if he joined in with them for the final outro or something. she even had the same lyrics to the blackpink song as ikon’s changed so it just made it that much more separate. if lisa either joined in more with ikon or she wasn’t added at all i think this would have ranked a lot higher on my list </3

btob: another quick note....i think on the performance end btob is the opposite of tbz. they don’t do much with choreo but they’re such an enjoyable group to watch and their VOCALS are always so stable so i probably won’t have many notes on their dancing lmao

stage 4 - blue moon: concept and comedy kings <3 idk they were really feeling themselves but it looked like they were having so much fun on stage and it made me have a smile on my face the entire time. the concept of the movie worked so well with the style of the jazzy tune. i’m not too familiar with the original bside so i’m not sure how much it differs or if it does at all. there’s really nothing i would change from this stage...it’s just so enjoyable to watch from the concept, vocals, and peniel playing that piano terribly <3

stage 3 - back door: really close to their blue moon stage for me. i really feel like they got the hang of the kingdom stages at this point. i loved their remix of back door. they took a rap heavy song and turned it in to a vocal heavy one so well?? truly made it their own. the weird drop(?) after they say back door just works so well for me and the inclusion of the electric guitar is so NEAT. there wasn’t much as far as dancing except for the small bit at the end and in one of the ‘dressing rooms’ but it really worked for the concept of the stage. idk it’s just a really fun stage to watch and a really good hype energy at the end.

final stage - show and prove: TALK ABOUT A FINALE STAGE. i love this song on it’s own and it’s probably my top song or in the top 2 for the original kingdom songs. this stage is another one that’s so close with their blue moon and back door stage, but i think it ranks a little lower then the other two as there was choreo from the members (or at least not a lot at all). but even with that this stage didn’t feel any less grand then the other finale performances because they killed the vocal parts so much and the song itself is such a GOOD ending song. oh man i would rate this higher if dancing or concept also was involved ;_;

intro stage - beautiful and painful: (i think that’s what it’s called?): vocal kings <3 they really said we’re the best vocalists on this show with this intro and you know? they’re correct. i wasn’t too sure on this stage when i first watched it since it was so different compared to the other groups, but watching it again now it’s a really strong intro stage. btob is a really strong vocal group and they established that really early on and only gave us a taste of what they were really able to do. a great intro stage overall. 

stage 2 - missing you: overall the stage is really beautiful with the lighting and the trees, but similar to ikon’s stage with lisa it seemed really disjointed. the vocal sections were really strong on their own and the dance break section this was really cool on it’s own, but it didn’t mesh together super well :/ a decent stage for sure, i just wish they kept the style of the dance break or just kept it the style of the vocal stage. i think they might have just added that dance section in there as the other groups had such dance heavy performances and theirs didn’t, but again it just kinda took something away from it </3

unit stages: i’m not going to write notes on the unit stages cause i’ve already written so much on the group stages lmao but if you want to more about/wonder why one ranked lower then another than pls ask! i’m just too done with this post to write it now. i will say 2-4 are really close in ranking. love poem took the whole thing for me and i wasn’t a huge fan of wither rap unit stage </3

love poem

wolf

king and queen- both performances teams are really close in ranking after a rewatch

spark

colors

full dash

top 7 stages overall: cause i couldn’t choose 5 </3

love poem (i think it’s cause minnie brainrot but we’re not going to talk about it thank u)

i’ll be your man

blue moon

the real

from wonderland

side effects / god’s menu

move

final group rankings:

stray kids (call it favoritism, but they deserved it)

ateez

btob (if kingdom was only vocal/music they would have won in my opinion)

sf9

the boyz

ikon