#Found-This-In-My-GoogleDocs

[vikasgarden]

|| CARRD | TEXTS ˟ currently OPEN for plotting ☽ ✶ ⸻ ˟

OOC: Writing in german is highly preffered. I’m crossover and multiverse-friendly. I’d love to visit your world! Please read my #Rules on my carrd for more informations and trigger warnings. 21+ - MDNI! Let me know if you’d like me to write first! | promo ©

Mostly inspired by The Snow Queen from Hans Christian Andersen.

[posi-pan]

comparing pan rep from 2019 to 2024

i did a breakdown of pan rep in 2019, listing the canon pan characters and people i knew of, and i thought it’d be interesting to do an update and see the growth. while this is based entirely on my knowledge, i provide as full a picture as we’re gonna get, as i’ve spent the most time doing deep dives for and documenting pan characters since 2017 (and my list is now almost at 2k!).

famous/known pan people → 2019: 54 → 2024: 327

pan book characters → 2019: 190+ (mostly pansexual, around 23 panromantic) → 2024: 1,356 (1,309 pansexual, 50 panromantic)

pansexual television characters → 2019: 40 → 2024: 95

pansexual comic characters → 2019: 7 → 2024: 18

pan game characters → 2019: 9 → 2024: 70 (68 pansexual, 2 panromantic)

pansexual movie characters → 2019: 3 → 2024: 13

pansexual musical characters → 2019: 1 → 2024: 4

pan podcast characters → 2019: 0 → 2024: 31 (29 pansexual, 2 panromantic)

pan web-comic characters → 2019: 10 (7 pansexual, 3 panromantic) → 2024: 143 (125 pansexual, 20 panromantic)

pan web-series characters → 2019: 27 (26 pansexual, 1 panromantic) → 2024: 43 (42 pansexual, 1 panromantic)

so pan rep (that i know of) overall has increased by a lot and some forms of media are clearly more favorable to pan rep than others. shoutout to podcasts making it onto the board! i wish there were more pan characters in tv and movies, because they tend to be the most accessible and consumed forms of media and that could really increase pan visibility.

but visibility hasn’t increased. i don’t think any of this rep really comes to my attention through seeing fans discussing it or queer folks celebrating it, it’s always a case of me digging and finding an interview or something that escaped everyone’s radar. it’s also sad to know there's all that pan book rep and i never see anyone in bookish spaces talking about it.

anyways, idk if y’all found this interesting or not. but if you’re looking for pan rep, be sure to check out my masterlist (carrd or googledoc)!!! 💖💛💙

[serenaoffaerun]

Tenacity - Chapter 3 of the "Consequences" series

It's finally here!! Thank you all for your patience. Because of the physical letter writing I drew for Tav and Gale's back-and-forth, this took much longer than I anticipated. Plus, the story just kind of...ran away with itself... This chapter comes in at a word count over 8,000 and I don't know how that happened LOL.

Big thanks again to @alpydk who started off this series with what was supposed to be a one-off angst story, and allowed me to write my own sequel chapters to finish the story my own way. (Alphydk's chapter 2 can be found here.) As my first long-form writing in over a decade, it's been a fun challenge to take two characters I love so much and get them out of a position I wouldn't have put them in in the first place. 💜

Without making you all endure any more of my "propensity towards verbosity," I present chapter 3: Tenacity (complete with hand-written letters!)

Summary: After agreeing to try to re-establish their friendship/relationship by writing letters back and forth, Tav and Gale set out on their journey of communicating, listening, and healing. You better believe they're both going to hold on for dear life.

Word Count: 8,289 (I'm not sorry.)

CW: References to depression, alcoholism

Tags: GalexTav, angst/fluff, pre-established (albeit rocky) relationship, future smut? (no spoilers...), brief mention of infertility (in a positive way??), depresso espresso, communication, healing, Tara's getting ALL the tuna.

[I'm sure I left some out, I'll come back and add to it once I get this on AO3 - coming soon!!]

Screenshot: Taken from my own gameplay. Please do not re-post as your own.

NOTE: For those who don't want to read Tav's mediocre (but improving) handwriting or Gale's flowy cursive, the text version is printed below each letter (including doodle descriptions!)

9/2 4:45PM Pacific - EDIT FOR MORE NOTES:

My underlines went away when I copy/pasta'd from GoogleDocs, and now I realize that you can't underline because of links, so they're bolded and italicized instead.

REGARDING BHAALSPAWN INFERTILITY - this is NOT canon to BG3/DnD/Forgotten Realms. I totally made this up to fit my literary needs. 😉

Alpydk's chapter 1: Consequences

Chapter 2: Acquiescence

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Tav assessed herself before she even opened her eyes. Between the wine and the crying, she was probably the most dehydrated person in all of Faerûn. The pounding headache she was used to. She'd made blackout curtains for a reason, after all. But the soul-wrenching nausea, that was new.

Being blissfully infertile, she knew there was no risk of pregnancy. One of her permanent "gifts" as Bhaal's former Chosen was the ability to be as promiscuous as she pleased without fear of pregnancy in order to weasel her way into the hearts, minds, and pants of any of her previous victims. Not that she'd needed that ability since the Nautiloid, or especially her subsequent severing from said god. But this was no ordinary nausea anyway. It was coming from somewhere much more complex.

Among the growing list of sensations Tav noticed from her downward-facing zombie position on the couch, she found two long-lost friends: the physical feeling of being simultaneously sated but also achingly empty in her core, and...hope. Surprisingly enough, she realized it was the latter that brought on the nausea.

Crippling anxiety, overwhelming depression, stabbing guilt, these are feelings she was familiar with and knew how to handle: with denial and alcohol. Just ball it up and shove it in the "future ulcer" pocket by the stomach and cover it up with a bottle of wine or two.

Hope, on the other hand, is a fickle bitch. It introduces the possibility of a better future. The idea that things could get better. Then comes the uncertainty.

‘Desirable things in life are never guaranteed,’ she told herself. ‘You can always lose them. Don't get TOO comfortable! You might still have to live the rest of your life without the man you truly believe is your soulmate.’

Tav had NEVER believed in the idea of a ‘soulmate’ before. That was even more laughable than ‘love at first sight.’ But she’d come to believe it now.

‘And you fucked it up, didn't you? You let yourself have the worst lapse in judgment, then you doubled down on it by screaming and being a hurtful wretch. You did this. You did this and you don’t deserve forgiveness, you don’t deserve mercy. No one else will ever fill the hole in your heart, so you’re going to die alone and unloved. That’s what you deserve.’  

The words from the voice in her head kept playing on a loop for the last six months and they wouldn’t shut up. Drowning them out with wine and sleep had become her modus operandi. There’d been nothing to look forward to, nothing to hope for. It was the way things were going to be, she’d accepted it. Especially in the last few months after Waterdeep. She couldn’t have her heart broken again if she didn’t expect anything.

But now, new words were taking up space in her brain. His words.

‘…there was a time that we’d also brought out the best in each other, once. I refuse to believe we can’t find our way back there again.’

‘Fuck.’ Those words had stolen her breath. Given her reason to think that there was a chance. That maybe he would give her the mercy she knew she didn’t deserve. Gale was just that kind of man.

If that were truly the case, though, why did he shut her out so quickly in the first place without getting to even talk about things. Why did he go straight to the biting comments and yelling instead of showing any kind of signs of forgiveness being a possibility.

‘Because you ripped out his heart that was already broken and threw it on the ground with all the remains of any self-confidence he had left after Mystra, you inconsiderate, unfaithful monster. It’s a wonder he’s still alive.’

These were the new conversations Tav now had running back and forth in her head and that’s where the source of the nausea was seated. In the unknown future where happiness still existed. Along the path that could go to life-long depression and loneliness or a blissful existence with the man who completed her, and she wouldn’t know which way she’d end up traveling until she got there. It was terrifying.

‘I refuse to believe we can’t find our way back there again.’

Face still mashed in the couch pillow, she balled up her fist and slammed it down into the cushion. Depression wasn’t going to win today. Or any other day, for that matter, at least not like it had been. She would not allow herself to be swept up in the waves of self-loathing and doubt to the point of being non-functional. Not anymore.

She took a deep breath and sat up, eyes still closed. There was a warmth on her face that she knew would be the late-morning sun coming in through the living room window. As she cracked her eyes open, she winced as the light seared into her brain and fired off pain signals. Slowly, she stood up, walked across the room, and felt around for the blackout curtains.

Medicine. Shower. Food. In that order.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Looking around the room later that day, Tav felt pretty proud of herself. Once she got herself cleaned, fed, and a bit more clear-headed, she opened the curtains again and opened all the windows. Her little depression hole needed a good airing out.

Starting with all the trash, she got rid of the wine bottles, the old food, even the bin filled with dirt and burned clothing. After washing off surfaces and sweeping floors, she put all the books back on the shelf, keeping a box full of scrolls and a quill pulled out on her desk. One sandwich and two sinks full of dishes later, it was nearing night time, but she had one more task ahead of her: the letter.

She’d been chewing over words in her head all day, but she still had no idea where to start. How do you even begin a letter like this? ‘Hi, Gale’? ‘Dear Gale,’? ‘Esteemed Professor Dekarios,’? If the greeting was this difficult, how would she even move on to the rest of the letter? She knew for damn sure that she wasn’t quite ready to be fully emotionally vulnerable, especially with him (even though he’s the only one she should ideally be emotionally vulnerable with…).

‘Welp, might as well just start,’ she said to herself as she sighed.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Hi Gale,  [in the top right hand corner was a little swirly doodle with some flowers and leaves. Next to it was written ‘I don’t have fancy paper, so I tried to do something cute?]

I’m having trouble starting this letter, so I figured maybe just admitting that is as good of a place as any. I don’t know what to say, I don’t know what you want to hear, I don’t know what will help or what will just hurt… Here’s what I do know:

-          I’m sorry. [there are tear stains on the paper here]

-          There’s no excuse for what I did.

-          I don’t even know if I know the reason for what I did.

-          I don’t feel like I deserve your patience, your forgiveness, your mercy, anything, really. Your anger is totally justifiable.

-          I don’t know who I was that night or in the months following.

Except, I do. I’d reverted back to the person abomination I walked away from. The hateful, murderous, evil, wretched thing I said I’d never be again. Yet, I can’t claim that I wasn’t in my right mind at the time either. I never lost consciousness. I was aware of the decisions I was making. I just don’t understand why I made them in the first place, other than I’d lost hope. I’d stopped trusting you. I’d assumed you were going to leave me and go back to Mystra or pursue godhood where you’d no longer be…you. [Next to this is a small sketch of a broken heart.]

Here's what else I know:

-          You didn’t deserve that.

-          I don’t deserve you.

[Below this was another item that was heavily crossed out, but you can make out the words ‘I still’.]

(this letter is a mess, I’m sorry. I’m just…flustered)

[On the right side of the paper, there was a list of four items outlined in a rectangle, above which was written ‘Good things’ – a question mark had followed this, but it was crossed out with an X. The four items are:]

-          I took a shower today.

-          I cleaned my house for the first time in weeks today.

-          I’m going to stop drinking for a while.

-          I’m exhausted and I’m going to bed.

It’s not ‘the letter of a lifetime,’ but it’s a start. I hope you’re well and that your students aren’t giving you too much of a hassle. Can’t be as bad as slaying a whole camp of goblins, right? [Here there was a small doodle of a goblin head, X’s for eyes and tongue sticking out, laying in a pool of blood next to a sword.]

I look forward to hearing from you. Take care of yourself, please.

-Tav

P.S. I’m working on my handwriting. I’m sorry if any of this is illegible. Not really a subject that was covered in “Bhaalspawn University.”

[At the bottom of the letter was drawn a curvy vine with leaves, flowers, and flower buds.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Gale swallowed thickly as he held the letter in his trembling hands.

‘She did it. She actually wrote, and it wasn’t full of anger and insults. It was a real, honest-to-the-gods attempt at talking.’

His eyes shimmered as he re-read two lines over and over again:

-          You didn’t deserve that.

-          I don’t deserve you.

His heart ached as he pondered the fact that she thought so little of herself. It made him remember his inner monologue after the debacle with Mystra and the orb. All Gale told himself for a year was that he’d made mistakes so huge that no one should have to ever bear the burden of his presence again. Anyone who showed any affection towards him, platonic or otherwise, was a fool who was wasting their time. They’d just end up being let down by this depressed shadow of a former Archmage. Knowing that Tav was the one now who truly felt she wasn’t deserving of forgiveness or mercy brought tears to his eyes.

He felt a bit lighter, however, at the implication that she even cared whether or not she was worthy of him. Not only cared, but was taking bolder steps forward. She’d apologized, she’d wished him well, she’s taking care of herself… Then it dawned on him that she’d gotten so low that a task as mundane as taking a shower was to be celebrated on a list of positive things.

Oh, did he remember that pit of despair well. He’d spent a year down at the bottom of it. Cut off from all outside contact, forgetting (or refusing) to eat, going days, even a week or more without bathing because he didn’t have anyone to see anyway. No point in expending the energy.

Now, however, Gale was at least teaching. That had kept him going. Even if he didn’t interact with many people outside of Blackstaff Academy, he was still getting dressed, going to a place with other people, and teaching Faerûn’s youth to harness and control the Weave.

But what of Tav? How often was she seeing others? It seems she had relocated after all. The return address is listed in Daggerford, a town not far south of Waterdeep full of retired adventurers, artisans, craftsmen, and farmers. A relatively quiet place compared to Baldur’s Gate, but still a city with plenty of opportunities. (And only a three-, maybe four-day travel from Gale. That would explain how easily she ended up in Waterdeep in the marketplace on that cold, rainy day…).

He remembered her telling everyone how much of a hero she’d been at the reunion party. What happened to her adventuring? Would she even be home enough for their letter-writing to be consistent? She’d made no mention of her activities, that was something he’d want to follow up on. As much as it would have previously brought him satisfaction to see her put in her place for everything she’d said, cut off from others and alone, now it just caused an ache in his chest.

The threads of his bitterness and rage had already begun unraveling. He’d been letting the truth sink in since the reunion: Tav had acted reckless and lashed out because she was scared. Scared of losing him. The thought of him abandoning her for Mystra or for godhood drove her to seek pleasure in someone else. Yet he hadn’t bothered to get to the root of the problem at the time. All he knew was that he had his heart broken. He had been betrayed. He had been ‘abandoned.’

He sighed heavily as the pangs of grief and remorse started to take hold. What a fool he’d been. A self-centered, arrogant, quick-tempered fool. But he shook those thoughts out of his head. This wasn’t the time to keep dwelling on what he had or hadn’t done in the past. Where the ball of anger had resided in his chest, just as roiling and hungry as the Netherese orb had been, he felt the tension had begun to break apart. There was still much healing to do, but now there was a little room for the patience and understanding he’d wished he’d displayed before.

He re-read the letter again, chuckling lightly at her doodles and scratches. Her handwriting had much improved, she gave herself too little credit. It was good to see she still had her silly sense of humor as well. She hadn’t been completely robbed of her beautiful qualities.

Draining the last sip of wine in his cup, he arose from his spot on the balcony and walked inside to sit at his desk. One thing nagged at him before he could start writing his response, though. Underneath the bottom list where she said she didn’t deserve him, she’d written something and then furiously scratched it out. He thought he might know what it said, but didn’t want to get carried away if he was wrong. Holding the letter carefully in front of the lit candle on his desk, he stared at the scratches, trying to piece together the words underneath. His breath caught when his eyes brought them together:

‘I still’

I still… Still what? I still hear the voice of the Dark Urge? I still won’t forgive you?

No. Given the context of what was said and the direction they were going, it had to mean only one thing. He would only allow himself to think it was one thing.

‘I still love you.’

Hoping with everything he had that it was true, he took another deep breath and pulled out a scroll from his desk drawer. It was his turn now.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Dear Tav, [In small writing to the right of the greeting, it says (my ‘fancy paper’ is at the academy) with a winking face doodle.]

Sometimes I think I’d prefer a good goblin massacre to a room full of hormonal teenage wizards learning to control a firebolt spell, but each day is a new adventure, after all! [After this sentence, Gale had doodled a flame, his head/hair with wisps of smoke, and in small writing with an arrow pointing to the drawings, (I tried).]

Thank you for your thoughts, and especially for your apology. I can’t in good conscience say that everything is forgotten, but I fully believe we are on the right path forward.

I would also like to apologize, because you deserve it. You are so much more deserving than you think you are of kindness, understanding and, yes, when I am able, forgiveness. I understand, likely better than anyone else you might know, how strongly self-loathing can take hold.

Which is why I want to tell you that I’m proud of you. I don’t know what you’ve been up to in recent months. I heard you telling the others about some adventuring opportunities, but I gather from your letter that self-care had gone by the wayside. I’m proud and happy to hear that you’re starting to focus on yourself. Yes, I agree with you: showering, cleaning, limiting alcohol intake, and even being tired enough to go to bed are all good things. I hope you continue being kind to yourself.

Admittedly, I’d fallen into a similar rut. While I get plenty of social interaction at the academy, my extra-curricular life has been…non-existent. I come home to my tower, I usually remember to eat, I grade papers, stay up entirely too late researching, and then attempt to get enough sleep to repeat that schedule ad nauseum. The cleanliness of my home, and myself, had been sorely neglected. But as you are focusing on self-improvement, I shall endeavor to do likewise.

Speaking of self-improvement, that’s where the letter-writing idea came from. Rather, through Tara’s efforts to help me during my year of isolation. She’d suggested I do some journalling to write out my thoughts and emotions regarding Mystra. Not only to get them to stop rolling around in my head, but to be able to articulate them. It did help, quite immeasurably, in fact. That’s why I’m so thankful you’ve agreed to this in the first place. I feel like it will serve us well. [A filled-in purple heart was drawn here.]

Actually, I can’t tell you how many letters I started writing to you in the last six months. I really did try. It just always felt…wrong, somehow. Like it wasn’t the right time, or my words weren’t sincere, or they’d fall on deaf ears. But I’m so glad we’re ‘talking’ now. I’ve missed you, Tav… [A filled-in but broken purple heart was drawn here.]

Tell me what you’ve been up to! Tell me your thoughts. Tell me any and everything you want to. I’ll be waiting to take it all in.

Yours,

Gale

[To the left on the bottom, Gale had drawn an open book with an ink pot and a quill. In the middle on the bottom, Tara had been drawn, wings outstretched, lying down, eyes closed, with a small note: (Tara’s sleeping on my desk and she’s adorable!). On the right under his signature, Gale drew a wand with sparkling stars and a curved line of weave making a flourish.]

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Dear Gale – [Here, she had drawn a wand with stars similar to the one he’d put by his name in his letter]

Thank you for saying that you’ve wanted to talk this whole time. That makes me feel so much better. I never put quill to parchment, but I started countless letters in my head. Like you said, it just never felt right. [After this, Tav drew a scroll, an ink pot, and a quill.]

This does feel like the right path at the right time, but to be honest, Gale…I’m scared. I’m scared to put everything on the table again. With how much I got we got hurt last time we allowed ourselves to be vulnerable with each other, I can’t go through that again. Nor do I want you to go through it again. [Tav had drawn two filled in broken hearts after this paragraph.]

It humbles me to think you feel I’m deserving of good things. Truly. I don’t feel like I am, so I suppose it’s good that someone in this world does. Your encouragement in taking care of myself is unexpected, but ultimately not surprising. That’s just who you are. I’m thankful to hear that you’re taking it upon yourself to improve as well. [Here, Tav had drawn some grapes and cheese on a plate, and to the right of it, a broom and dust pan.]

I fully understand, however, that you can’t forgive me, at least not yet. (I wouldn’t forgive me either.) Hopefully I can begin to earn it over time. I’m not going to sit here and defend my actions with trying to find solace in Mizora’s…experience. It wasn’t even fulfilling, if it makes you feel any better. (It won’t, I know you). It was just tricks of the mind and a devil’s words of promises for things I didn’t even desire. (Perhaps the ‘old me’ would have.) I regretted it immediately, yet it has marked me forever.

But I know that how it left me afterwards is not the point. The point is why I let myself go along with it in the first place. I’ve done a lot of thinking in the last months, especially since the reunion. Let me preface this by saying that I am not shifting the blame. I still made the decision to give in. However, after days and weeks of your near-obsession with the Crown of Karsus, I could see that look in your eyes. You couldn’t stop thinking about the power it could offer. Power that we know all too well would only corrupt you and change you. Then, your meeting with Mystra, introducing her back into your life with her deal to get rid of the orb for the crown… I could feel you slipping away from me.

[On the left side by the words Crown of Karsus, Tav had drawn the crown with a big ‘X’ through it. Near where Mystra is mentioned, she drew a scared ‘Mystra,’ identified as ‘witch bitch,’ being threatened by Tav with a dagger.’]

What I should have done was keep talking to you, seeking reassurance. I should have spat in Mizora’s face and told her to get the fuck out. [In this area, Tav drew herself spitting in Mizora’s face.] I should have sought solace in your embrace, in your words, in your love… But one thing I need you to understand: I was brought up my whole life to be let down. Every success came with a defeat. Every win came with a loss. Every gift came with a sacrifice. You were the most important gift I will ever have in this world or the next. I was positive I was going to lose it, so…I don’t know. I think maybe I wanted to push it from myself first before it was taken outside of my control? Mizora approaching me with her “offer”… She knew exactly what she was doing: giving me an “out” that she knew I would take because I was at my most vulnerable.

For all my accolades being a “Hero of Baldur’s Gate” and savior to many, I clearly didn’t have the strength to stand up to her temptations. I let her use the fact that I have major trust issues to weasel her way into my deepest fears and exploit them. I didn’t have a chance. It doesn’t excuse my actions, but I hope it at least explains them.

I’m running out of parchment. You asked what I’ve been up to. If it’s of any comfort, things are going well enough. I’m eating mostly regularly, I’m keeping up with the chores, and I’m even starting to finally organize some garden space in the yard. I’m trying to spend some time outside every day, and I’ve replaced the wine with various teas. They’re small steps, but they’re steps.

I don’t know if I’ve gotten us closer to any kind of resolution, but hopefully my words can fill in some of the gaps. I look forward to hearing your response.

Thank you, by the way, for giving me something to look forward to again.

I’ve missed you too. Very much so.

Humbly yours,

Tav

[At the bottom left of the page, she drew a cup of tea]

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Dearest Tav, [to the right of the greeting, it says in smaller writing (I apologize for the condition of this letter. It was rather difficult to write.) The letter is littered with smudges where tears had fallen and letter had been re-written over them.]

As I wrote my last letter and have been pondering your response, it weighs on me just how grave a mistake I also made. The blame for our downfall does not fully rest with you. (Let me finish…)

Feeling like you’re not worthy, like you made too big of a mistake to recover from; you know how familiar I am with those thoughts. Looking back, this means I should have been the one who was there for you the most. Yet I wasn’t. I was the furthest one away.

I agree with you that my anger was justified. I’d felt like I’d been told I wasn’t enough for you, which is exactly what I feared from the beginning. In my mind, you had openly told the entire world that Gale Dekarios, fallen Archmage of Waterdeep, scorned by Mystra herself, could not, in fact, make you or anyone else happy. You had to go find your pleasure elsewhere.

Where my mistake lies is in never stopping to think how much you had to have been hurting in order to find solace in Mizora in the first place. I don’t think I even gave you the chance to confirm you hadn’t been possessed, quite frankly. It’s no wonder your defenses went up immediately. My reaction, while potentially understandable, was absolutely awful.

I am so sorry that I never gave you a chance to talk things through before letting my hurt and rage take over. What I should have done was walk away and screamed into the void instead of at you before hearing any kind of explanation. I suppose I figured there would never be one good enough. Never did I think until recently that I could have possibly had something to do with you feeling pushed in that direction. I should have been more reassuring. I should have given you no reason to doubt my love for you and my dedication to you.

The possibilities that came with the crown had taken over my waking thoughts, and even infiltrated my dreams. Providing an eternal life without conflicts for both you and I sounded like the perfect solution, and I became hyper-focused. You had tried telling me that you were scared, that you didn’t want me to lose my humanity. I just still thought I was smarter and had this whole grand plan all figured out and you would realize it eventually.

[Before the next paragraph is drawn an infinity symbol, a heart nestled into the loops on either side.]

But I didn’t do enough to put your mind at ease. I didn’t help you understand that I wouldn’t have actually left had it come down to choosing between you and the crown. I never, never would have left you, Tav. As I shouted rather rudely before, I only ever truly wanted you. I assumed you knew that beyond a shadow of a doubt, so I didn’t spend any time reinforcing it. I let my focus drift too far. Then, I left you scared and alone afterwards with no chance to explain. I, the ex-Chosen and ex-lover of a goddess, from whom he should have learned humility after his hubris, the man to whom you showed so much kindness and understanding and support when anyone else would have run in the other direction, I couldn’t even show a fraction of that back to you.

Taviela, my heart, I am so, so incredibly sorry that I wasn’t there for you. When you pulled me from that portal and later heard my harrowing tale of foolishness and desperation, you stood by me. You took care of me and encouraged me, and I threw that back in your face at the first opportunity. It will be a long time before I can forgive myself for that. But I humbly, honestly, and hopefully ask if you could ever forgive me. I understand if you cannot, but know that I will spend the rest of my life proving myself to you.

Please keep telling me your thoughts, Tav. I want to hear them. I need to hear them.

Repentantly yours,

Gale

P.S. I’m far too emotional at the moment to do many little doodles, but yours warm my heart. Please keep doing them. [A filled in heart was drawn here. He had also drawn a simple version of the wand and stars under his name.]

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

My Dearest Gale, [Across the top of the page was a wand, a wavy line of weave, and small stars.]

I’ve been staring at this parchment for at least an hour, but I haven’t been able to write anything until now. I’m sobbing at your words. Your insight about everything I put you through, the weight of what happened after all your hurts and insecurities from Mystra and the orb, the fear of being inadequate to me… That weight is almost too much to bear. I’ve berated myself for months now for hurting you, but the full impact never hit me until I read it in your words. I want to fall on my knees and cry at your feet and beg for mercy. But how could you possibly ever forgive me? I’m sorrier than you will ever know for allowing you causing you to feel that way again.

Also, to think that you are taking any of this upon yourself so strongly, I really don’t know what to say about that either. I still feel like this is all due to my deficiencies. My weaknesses. My fuck-ups. But I can understand where you’re coming from, wanting to take some responsibility. All I’ll say is that there is nothing to forgive anymore. I hold no more ill will towards you. We both acted like children throwing tantrums, but we were each already pushed to our limits and didn’t stop to think about, well, anything, really.  [Tav had drawn 5 filled in hearts here, along with writing (I don’t know what else to doodle here because I’m also emotional).]

It feels cheap to keep coming back to my upbringing, but it’s an unfortunate reality where I’m concerned. Everything was always a bitter fight of either words or daggers. There was no real “communication” to speak of. There were no “feelings” shared. It was all cruel lessons with harsh punishments. ‘Be a bitch, or get walked over’ was something I told myself a lot. I never truly learned to stop and step back and give things time to breathe. Putting myself in another person’s shoes is something I’ve forced myself to learn, especially during our adventures.

I have a confession to make. When I (literally) ran into you in Waterdeep a few months ago, it wasn’t just happenstance. I’d come there with a purpose. The downward spiral had begun weeks prior and I was nearing rock bottom. I came to look for you. To see if you were possibly even half as miserable as I was without you. I was certain you would be, and that it would give me a reason to approach you. We would be on common ground and might actually be able to talk. [On the right side of the page, Tav had drawn an open book sitting in a puddle of water in the rain. On the pages of the book it said ‘I’m sorry about the books.’]

But then I saw you. You were in the marketplace, smiling, making small talk with the merchants, even laughing with them. You looked full of life. You looked like you were doing just fine – without me. My heart dropped into my shoes and I’d considered just walking away, never letting you see I was even there. But something in me snapped. I apparently just had to get in a couple more digs before I walked away forever. That was childish and unacceptable and I’m sorry I put you in that position. (I don’t blame you one bit for the Hold Person spell, for the record. I deserved it.) [Tav had drawn the symbol for the Hold Person spell here, along with Tav approves.]

Please forgive me, but I’m emotionally spent. I think I’ll wrap this up to send in the morning, go sit on the back porch with a cup of tea, and just think for a while.

Still yours,

Tav

[Along the left side of the bottom of the page, Tav drew a small flower garden. On the right side, a cup of tea.]

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

My Darling Taviela, [On the right side of the top of the page was carefully drawn an eternity symbol. Inside each side was a heart – a G written in the one on the left, a T written in the one on the right. Next to it, Gale wrote:] (I’ve been doodling this a lot lately.)

My heart aches for you, for us both. You’re right. There’s nothing to forgive anymore. We were both stretched so far beyond our limits, no wonder we broke down. We both have acted out of turn, we both have put ourselves through the wringer, and we both built impossibly high walls around ourselves. I’m happy to say that I believe we can push those walls down now. I want to move forward in whatever way we can, even if that ends up being as friends (though judging by your comments, it doesn’t sound like that will be the case, but please correct me if I’m reading the situation incorrectly).

I have a confession for you, in light of your revelations regarding our “run-in” in the marketplace. It was all an act to save face out in public. The laughter, the ‘life’ you say you saw in me, the light-hearted interactions – they were all a façade. I was miserable without you, however angry I was. After that interaction, it got even worse. I felt awful immediately, leaving you standing there shivering in the rain. [Gale had drawn a hand getting smacked by a ruler with words in a bubble outlined in sharp angles: BAD WIZARD!] I couldn’t believe that, even though there was some provocation, that I’d still reverted to such a childish response. I sank further into my depressive state. I almost didn’t come to the reunion with our companions either, actually. It felt like more of an effort to get myself put together than I was capable of. Fortunately, Tara snapped me out of it.

Speaking of Tara, I’ve been working on getting her to be more understanding. I’m sure you have noticed that her protectiveness of me overrides any kind of empathetic nature towards anyone who has caused me even a lick of hurt. But she’s come a long way in understanding both sides of our…predicament. I’ll keep at it, for both of our sakes. [A trail of small paw prints was drawn after this.]

I’m pleased to say that I’ve been keeping up with the cleaning, [on the right side of the page, Gale doodled a robed hand holding a sparking wand next to two balls of dust that look like rabbits. Underneath was written, (dust bunnies).] I feel like I finally have a handle on my students and my lesson-planning, and I’ve found joy in cooking meals again. Too much time is being spent grading sub-par assignments in the evenings, I’ll admit, but it comes with the territory. My heart has been all the lighter in the last couple of weeks, and it’s all thanks to you: your words, your patience, and willingness to work on…well, us.

What have you been up to lately? Any more adventuring opportunities coming your way? Are you doing any traveling? I wonder if there’s any chance our paths might cross in the near future.

I’ll admit, my mind has been wandering to thoughts of seeing you again. I miss the warmth of your embrace, the sparkle in your smile, the feeling of home when I look into your eyes – I feel like a part of me has been missing since our falling out.

I was actually thinking… What would you say to coming back to Waterdeep for a proper visit?

Take care of yourself, my darling [a filled-in heart was drawn here]

Gale (no fancy drawing in my name this time. Just me, missing you.) [above this, Gale had drawn a side profile of himself from the chest up, looking down, eyes closed, a tear falling from his eye.]

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The letters had been going back and forth at a regular, weekly pace. It was about six weeks after the reunion, which already seemed like forever ago. They had come so far, and his words made her realize that she missed him more than she knew was possible.

However, when Tav saw the last question in Gale’s letter, she froze. Her chest tightened and her breath quickened. She got dizzy, her hands shook, and her mind raced, tears threatening to overflow onto her cheeks. She was having a panic attack.

She threw the letter in her top desk drawer, slammed it shut, ran down the hall, and pulled the lever for her shower without bothering to warm the water first. Fully clothed, she stood underneath the cold deluge until her breathing slowed and she could process her thoughts.

The nausea was back. She sat on the floor on a towel and just let the water drip off her. Tucking her knees up to her chin, she stared at the wall and focused on her breathing. She wanted nothing more than for Gale to walk in the room right now, pick her up, and hold her in his lap, caressing her hair and whispering comforting words to her until she felt better. But as much as she wanted to feel his arms around her, to smell his scent, to run her fingers through his hair and more, she was absolutely terrified.

All she could think of as she started rocking back and forth was that she was going to end up hurting him again. She cried and cried until she resigned herself to lying down on the floor and crying herself to sleep, shivering in her damp clothes.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A week went by and there was no response from Tav. Gale tried to brush it off, attempting to convince himself that perhaps she had gotten a chance to do some traveling, and was running behind sending her letter.

Nine days went by and his resolve started to falter. He replayed every word in his head that he’d written in his last letter. Was he moving ahead too fast? Did he assume too much? Did he push her too far? He ached to see her, to hear her voice, and to comfort her. But he could NOT let himself fuck things up again…

On the tenth day, he sent just a short message in hurried writing, requested for the utmost urgent delivery.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Tav,

I’m truly, deeply sorry if I’m pushing you too far. You don’t have to answer the last question. We can continue just writing if that’s what makes you comfortable. I’ll do whatever you need, but I cannot, I will not lose you again.

Please, talk to me, my love.

Gale [A filled in heart was drawn after his name.]

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Sleep never found him that night. He let his brain run through every worst-case scenario it could come up with. Tears were still crawling down his face every so often as he saw the faintest colors of the dawn coming to greet the eleventh day. Thank the gods he had the next couple of days off for Midsummer…

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

On the afternoon of the twelfth day, Tav’s response arrived. Gale didn’t even go back inside or shut the door. He ripped open the envelope and tried to steady his breathing as his shaky hands held her letter. He let himself take a deep breath and fall back against his door frame as he read:

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

My precious Gale,

I am so very sorry for the delayed response and for making you worry. I don’t know what came over me, but when I saw you asking to see each other again…I panicked. I had a full-on panic attack, after which, I slept for days. I lost all track of what day it was or how much time had gone by. I kept picking up my quill and the words just wouldn’t come. I’m so sorry. Your words in the message I received today snapped me back out of it. Thank you for checking on me. [A filled-in heart was drawn here.]

Gale, I can’t bear the thought of hurting you again. I’m not saying that I don’t want to see you. Believe me, nothing would make me happier. My dreams of getting to be near you, to hold you again, to be held by you, they are my greatest source of comfort. But we haven’t spent any time together in person since the reunion, and we spent months before that acting like completely different people.

What if we can’t change, Gale? What if seeing each other brings out all the anger and spite again? I can’t forgive myself, even if you have. I don’t know what to say – I can’t lose you again either, I won’t survive it. And I fear that I will become upset by something and fall back into my old ways of dealing with arguments: with juvenile pettiness and venomous words. I’m so scared…

In fact, I’m going to deflect now so I don’t dissolve into another panic attack.

To answer your other questions – honestly, adventuring hasn’t happened in a while. I was being truthful at the reunion when I said I’d been adventuring and helping people. But coming back from Waterdeep is when I started to shut everyone out. My house descended into chaotic messes that I didn’t have the energy to clean, I stopped eating regularly, I was drinking at least a bottle of wine a day, and I slept all the time. I have enough money set aside that I can get away with not working for quite a while, but that won’t last forever.

The gardening is going well now though! I haven’t killed so much as a tomato plant! I’m growing flowers and selling bundles here and there. I’m also growing my own vegetables and some fruits, though I haven’t begun selling those yet. I’m getting the itch to start baking, however… I’ve found a great deal of fulfillment in creating (growing) some kind of life now instead of dwelling on the memories of taking it. [Along the left side of the page, she drew a tomato plant crawling up the side. Along the right, she drew a plate of danishes and a cup of tea.]

I’m so sorry again for worrying you. I just froze because I don’t want you to get hurt. I’ll get this sent to you as quickly as I can, but please tell me your thoughts. I’m hoping your insight can be of some comfort.

With all my heart,

Your Tav

[At the bottom of the letter, Tav drew the same symbol Gale had been doodling on everything he could: the eternity symbol with the hearts in the middle, one with a G, one with a T. Next to it, she wrote:] (I tried… Yours looks much nicer.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

My sweet Taviela, [Their infinity symbol with hearts and their initials was on the top right.]

Thank you for explaining the reason for the delay. I completely understand, and I’m sorry to have caused you to panic. If I may offer some encouragement, however, perhaps I can help quiet your heart.

Neither of us are under anywhere near the amount of pressure and stress that we were at the time back in Baldur’s Gate. We are taking care of ourselves now as individuals, fully independent of others, and neither is a crutch for the other. This bodes well for quelling any fears of being too dependent on each other for our own good.

We’ve seen what damage can be done by careless words and actions, and we’ve walked back from that ledge – together. Now we’ll be more aware of the warning signs should we become frustrated with each other again. We’ve talked about what we can do to avoid arguments in the future, like walking away for a breather, should we need to. Lest you have any unrealistic expectations, please remember that we will become frustrated with each other and we will likely have some arguments. That’s only natural for any two beings that have a close relationship. But we have some experience now and wisdom gained. I truly believe that we can be better for each other. We can change. Together. [A filled in heart is drawn here along the left side of the page.]

If you are comfortable thinking about the possibility of visiting, I have a proposition for you. Some simple guidelines that will help keep us in check as we try spending time together again, under completely different circumstances.

-          I will get you set up in a lovely room at The Yawning Portal for one week. The bartender owes me a favor for clearing out some riffraff a few weeks ago. Then you can have a place you feel comfortable retreating to without feeling trapped in my tower, should you wish to get some space.

-          So as to not put too much pressure on either of us too quickly, we can have a date each day, but we don’t spend the entire day together (at least not every day). It may be midsummer, but I still have regular responsibilities with the academy that I need to see to. Besides, that will give us time to individually reflect on our time together and how we’re feeling.

-          At the end of the week, we can talk about how things have gone and what direction we should go at that point. We won’t pressure each other, and we’ll agree that we won’t be disappointed if one person needs more time than the other. Above all, we need to make sure our friendship stays in tact.

So, what do you say? Look! I even got Tara’s stamp of approval! [On the side of the page is an ink pawprint.] (Do you have any idea how much convincing it took to get her to put her paw in ink? I owe her tuna for weeks…)

I won’t pressure you, but if you’re amenable to this plan, we can do this as soon as you’d like – even next week. Having said all that, if you still want to take things slower and keep writing letters for now, I will fully support that decision and be delighted to keep doing so.

If you will allow me, however, I would like to make one last plea: I want to see you, Taviela. I need to see you. My heart aches for you and my arms feel so painfully empty without you in them. I long to curl my fingers into your hair, to hear your contended sighs, to be lit up inside by your laughter, and, when you’re ready, to make love to you and cover you in affectionate, healing kisses until every hurtful word we’ve ever exchanged is erased from memory itself.

I know you’re scared, my darling. But I believe in us. I believe things will be different this time around. I hope and pray to every god and goddess who will listen that you can find it in your heart to take the risk.

Come here to me, my love, and we can keep walking our way forward - together. [A filled in heart is drawn here.]

I eagerly await your reply, whatever it may be.

Yours always,

Gale [A doodle of a wand surrounded by stars is by his name.]

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Tav’s hands trembled. Gods, she missed him so much it physically hurt. Especially now that she knew how much he was missing her as well. Sitting at her desk, she re-read his last full paragraph with tears flooding her vision and heart filling her chest, not to mention a familiar heat between her thighs. She knew at that moment that her desire and her renewed trust in Gale Dekarios FINALLY outweighed her fears. She didn’t even need to think about her response. It was short and sweet:   

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Gale, my love, [Their eternity/hearts/initials symbol was drawn on the top right.]

I’ll set out tomorrow by horse from Daggerford and will arrive at the Yawning Portal on Sunday evening around dinner time. I sincerely hope your arms will be waiting for me, because I’ll be rushing into them the moment I see you. [A filled-in heart was drawn in.]

Just don’t be holding a stack of books this time… [ Tav had drawn a doodle of a winking face here.]

Yours always,

Tav

P.S. I doubt we’ll be waiting long for those healing kisses… I know we’re going to space out our time together, but stay with me the first night? Help me “settle in” to Waterdeep? [Tav sketched a set of lip prints in the bottom right.]

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Tears fell from Gale’s eyes, but happy ones this time. He could tell his cheeks were flushed too from her “P.S.”… He laughed at her jab about the books, then folded up the letter and brought it to his lips, kissing the edge she would have folded with her soft hands.

He had planning to do. 

[papasbaseball]

Sneaking into Terzo's Shower (drabble)

+18 CONTENT NOT FOR MINORS. MINORS KEEP SCROLLING

Pairing: Terzo x F!Reader

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Voyeurism

Summary: Papa Terzo's shower is just so much nicer than the community ones. Hopefully he doesn't catch you stealing his shampoo

Word Count: 539

Notes: Found this while cleaning up my googledocs. Was originally a drabble on Twitter. Enjoy!

You should always condition first and then shampoo, and you were willing to stick by that. Today, you wish you hadn’t. 

The water poured hot out of Papa Terzo’s shower, much hotter than it ever did in the community ones. It boiled your skin a bright red as you ran your conditioner slick fingers through your hair, luxuriating in the sweet cinnamon fragrance that begged you to stop your scrubbing and inhale its spicy aroma. You were pretty sure that it was from Italy: it was Papa Terzo’s and you couldn’t read the bottle.

Washing the stolen conditioner from your hair you went to grab the shampoo bottle. The bottle practically rocketed up in your grip weighing nothing. Empty? You shook the shampoo with all your might, trying to listen for the goopy rattle of the last few drops. Nothing.

Running your hands through your sickeningly slick hair you felt your heart drop. You scrubbed vigorously to try and scrape out the oily mess. If only you’d just waited your turn for the showers and accepted your fate of the cold leftovers being dumped on your head.

“Usually I fuck people before they end up in my shower.” You jumped, shutting your eyes to ignore the sound of the door shutting behind Papa Terzo. This wasn’t happening. You must be having a stroke. It was a hallucination.

“Just because you shut your eyes does not mean I cannot see you, cattivella.” He reached in and shut the water off. “Go on: what do you have to say for yourself?” Stealing a glance at him you couldn’t help but try to cover yourself even though he had already seen you naked as a newborn bird. His eyes felt like an invasive X-ray matching perfectly the sick satisfied smile on those painted lips. He wasn’t mad: he was enjoying this.

“The community showers were full,” you squeaked.

“What else is new? Do you see me using your shower? No.”

“Maybe you should,” you mumbled, “at least they have shampoo.”

He snorted. “Cattivella has a mouth on her I see.” Reaching underneath the sink cabinet he pulled out a full bottle of shampoo. You went to turn the tap back on but he snatched your wrist. He guided your hand so the dial was set to true north: ice cold. The frigid water poured over you and you jumped out of the stream of ice.

“If you are going to steal my shampoo I at least want a show out of it. This shit is expensive.” He handed you the shampoo bottle. “Would you like some body wash as well?”

Stray streams of the cold water hissed against your reddened skin. “No I-”

“I insist,” he said, fetching a purple loofah and another expensive-looking bottle from the corner of the shower. Handing them to you, he went back to the sink top and rolled his sleeves up before plucking a copy of Playboy out of the bathroom magazine rack. “If you need help getting your back I will be more than happy to help.”

You watched as he pretended to read the magazine, stealing long glimpses of you as you slowly stepped into the ice water. I’m never using conditioner first again.

[yloiseconeillants]

How easy do you find it to write romantic (or sexual) dialogue for your OC? If they are in a relationship with a canon character then how difficult is it to keep these interactions faithful to their established character and communication style?

@lilbittymonster also asked this and NO I DO NOT FIND IT EASY AT ALL

there are REAMS of written material stashed in googledocs that literally never see the light of day because I CANNOT write in the voice of ANY of the Fortemps. So like, IDK maybe Yloise/Artoirel would have actually happened if I felt comfortable or even capable of writing Specifically Dialogue that feels like either of them actually speaking but L M A O it will never happen.

IRONICALLY, the opposite situation presented itself with Emet-Selch, who has a slightly easier voice to write in for me personally - to the point where the first thing I wrote with his internal monologue actually used phrases and turns of dialogue that were present in some of the short stories written from his perspective that I hadn't even read yet.

I do feel like a lot of that is down to like, having the Mt. Gulg speech play on repeat in my mind for four days solid after that cutscene whereas I played most of HW with the French voice track, actually.

This is true of my own OC as well, to be honest. I am very comfortable and familiar with Yloise's internal monologue but not how that voice gets translated to Spoken Dialogue. I struggle with some of the words used in Final Fantasy XIV because I do think their use in English at least is a little all over the place. You think that would encourage me to say "fuck it" and just develop Yloise as she sounds in her own mind, but I have not found that to be something that I'm interested in writing either. SO HERE WE ARE.

OH FUCK THIS QUESTION WAS ASKING ABOUT SEXUAL/ROMANTIC DIALOGUE brb

ship creative process asks

[izayoichan]

The future of this blog.

It’s taken me a long time to come to this decision, but now that I finally came to it, it’s felt incredibly good to finally come to it, even if I in some ways wish it wasn’t where I ended. It’s basically a full backtrack on the decision to rewrite, and an end to writing the way I have been in general. The story will still post as is until what I have written is done posting, after that, I want to return to what once made me happy, random screenshots of my sims that I just love, sometimes with a small/large written blurb on them because it comes to mind, and sometimes just screenshots with a small comment on them. So in some ways the story will continue, I don’t know just how yet, but I can see it being more random, screenshots, small blurbs, explanations, and just generally I want to just enjoy them more. Okay, so to the reason behind this sudden and abrupt change in my plans. It is two fold, but in a way interlinked. It's also very much linked with what I wrote in my new years resolution earlier, where I will well, like tradition, break some of the resolutions I wrote down, but there is one I won’t break, and that is the “I will not quit”. So, reason number 1: Right now, it's not fun. 

It's the thing I always ask myself when I do something, and struggle with motivation, are you having fun? Earlier the answer was yes, but that’s no longer the answer I get from myself. So why is it not fun, it's a long complicated answer, and for those that want to, I will do what I normally don’t and put that answer under the line. For the ones that just want the quick answer: Reason number 2: My health is shit and I have found a level of tiredness I didn't know existed.

So my plans, before I go into more detail under the famous line, to take a step back, merge the FFXIV and any other games I love into one blog. And post what screenshots freely from any game, not just sims, but as I have an addiction to screenshots there will be sims too. Perhaps someday in the future, the desire to write the story comes back, but for now, I am not forcing it. Maybe it never will, and that is okay too. I’ll still hang around here, and show off my babies and poke about the story that's still in my head. Screenshots with random little “blurbs” under them like what happens with some poses I use are likely to still happen.

In conclusion: I’m sorry to those who might feel let down, if my new content is not for you I am sorry for that too but I need to do this for me. To those that have looked forward to my rewrite I am sorry for failing on that idea/promise(I will post what I have written on the wordpress blog I have for it but it’s not much. Who knows, maybe something changes and I go back to the idea). For those that will still hang around this silly blog of mine: Thank you!

If you want to read the rest, as tumblr is being its usually shitty self, you can do so here. (googledoc, because tumblr refused to let me post it all, and I have no energy to fight it)

[gatheredfates]

SEA'S COMMUNITY COMPENDIUM UPDATE

Second update in a weekend? Wild! I wanted to push this one out before I went back to work and my capacity to update the Compendium would diminish. However, huge thanks to those who submitted new resources to the Google Form — it's appreciated! 🪻

As of 04/14, I have added the following resources (in no particular order) to Sea's Community Compendium for FFXIV Creatives:

LARGE SCALE

CARBUNCLE PLUSHY'S FFX|V FISH TRACKER APP — A website focused on tracking fish windows, bait, guide videos, and fish trains for community events.

PASSIADB — A list of houses for sale in Final Fantasy XIV, how many lottery bids are on each, and where to contribute using the PaissaHouse XIVLauncher plugin.

MISC

@stars-and-clouds thought they could escape me in their tags. "I have more resources!" Oh, I found them. I found them. (affectionate). All of the below are created by them!

ISHGARIAN POWER HEIRARCHY — An exploration of the power dynamics of the Ishgardian theocracy and High Houses.

A QUICK REFERENCE OF THE EORZEAN UMBRAL AND ASTRAL ERAS — A visual guide providing a summary of each Umbral and Astral Era.

Want to submit? You can either fill out the google form here, send me an ask with the relevant information contained on the Compendium, or join my Discord at SEAFLOOR (21+ only)!

As a reminder, the answer to the question of "Is my resource/community applicable to the Compendium?" is almost always a resounding yes. I want to know what's out there. I want to feature your project!

However, for the sake of clarity, I'll pop the FAQ from this post below in a read more for you to check out if you're worried. ✨

I want to put my community on the compendium but we have an application process. Is this okay?

Yes! Just note somewhere in your application that's a requirement. The only thing that is mandatory for the Compendium is that you must be open to new members or have a public-facing/accessible facet. There's no point advertising a community if no one can join it in some way!

I want to put my community on the compendium but I only have x number of members —

Also totally okay! People don't start with large communities. Activity is a must but, whether your server has two or two thousand members, if you're looking for new people to join, I'd love to help you find people.

I want to put my community on the compendium but I worry its too niche?

Okay, and? If your Eorzean Fishing Alliance has four members but you roleplay every second weekend, I still want to know about it.

What resources/communities can I add if I'm not the owner of them?

Mutual consent is extremely important to me, so anything that isn't a large-scale community OR a publicly accessible resource must be endorsed by the owner/admin/moderators in order to be added to the compendium. I operate under the assumption that a resource posted to a public space (tumblr, googledocs, youtube, etc) is open to all. A large-scale community is one with a significant member count or openly advertises itself as being accessible to everyone for whatever purpose it serves. If in doubt, please get in touch with me. I'm happy to contact your community owners for you!

How active does a community need to be?

If you find a community has not been active in about two/three months, send me a message and I'll take a look at it. Communities have ebbs and flows, especially event spaces that may take hiatuses depending on member interest/life events. I'm not strict in my implementation provided a space isn't dead. If a link or anything is broken, absolutely contact me about that.

I have [insert a question not stated here]?

No drama! Send me an ask or use the #Compendium channel in my Discord!

[thornescratch]

this is a little out of nowhere but do you know if there are any primers for running a fic exchange? I saw you mentioned bring back a caps exchange like a month ago (which would be so cool). it kind of inspired me with another fandom, but I can't find any good guides and was hoping you might have some recs.

(Sorry for the long delay in reply. Clearly when I say I will get to something in a day or so, I-- uh, will not. Life's been a lot. Very sorry!)

With the proviso that @weaglerock did most of the actual hard work of the ALLCAPS Exchange and my role was mainly to make shitty promo manips (actually I still like this one) and nag people to turn stuff in and occasionally pinch hit--

Honestly, AO3 actually has some of the best resources for you, if you're planning to be like most exchanges and run your exchange through/post there. They've put together FAQs and tutorials and I think they're pretty straightforward and easy to understand.

Tutorial: Running a Gift Exchange on AO3

Archive FAQ: Gift Exchange

Challenges tutorial: creating and running a gift exchange

Signing up for a gift exchange

Reddit is also handy, and I've found a number of their posts with good advice: here, here (more from the user POV rather than the runner POV but good to think about, and this post were ones I referred to.

General advice:

I find if you have a random question and you can't figure out how to make shit work with AO3 or something, Fail Fandom Anon is a decent way to ask for help. Every post has a thread related to various Bangs/Exchanges going on, and you can post an anonymous request or question. Quality and quantity of response can vary based on when you post it (if the post is almost at comment limit and about to move to the next, you might not get much; just try again with a newly opened post), but usually someone will respond.

Most of the exchanges I've helped with were done before discord got huge, so I haven't utilized it as an organizer as much, but I've been in exchanges as an author where it originated from a fandom discord, and it did streamline communication to have a dedicated channel/discord for the participants. But mostly we used tumblr, gmail, and a googledoc for notifications and tracking.

Always assume some people are simply going to dip, for legitimate or other reasons. Shit will happen. It's super frustrating to delay opening an exchange because you're scrambling to make sure everyone gets something and that it's of decent quality so I'd advise definitely lining up multiple pinch hitters (and assume some of THEM will also bolt randomly) in advance, or be ready to do it yourself, or build in an extra time period of complete works being due before going live, or optimally, all of those things. Having more than one organizer/moderator is helpful!

Highly encourage people to include detailed author letters to accompany their requests. Have regular timeline check ins and reminders. Also, it's easiest to assume everyone's a newbie and err on the side of over-explaining. Have templates and formatted examples on hand for transparency; this includes examples of how you want people to make their requests and examples of an author letter.

Anyway, honestly my best piece of advice is to find a moderator who's already done this before and is good at all of it and will do most of it, and then just act like you've always been there and tag along for the glory. It worked marvelously for me. (But no, really, in the end I think the best bet for success is go back to an exchange from any fandom you enjoyed and felt was well run, look at their set-up/timelines/rules/verbiage, and then model after that accordingly. Obviously don't copy everything directly, or if you do, credit the those organizers.)

And, like, have fun.

[somethingbeautifulisgointohappen]

Hi 👋 🚨plz don’t scroll 🚨

Iam writing to you, appealing to our shared humanity, to help me to share and reblog my story and my family’s fundraising campaign. 🙏

Iam Samer Abu Ras, my wife Shorouq, and our three children, including a baby 👶🏻 who is not yet two years old.

We are enduring unimaginable suffering due to the ongoing war, constantly moving from place to place in search of safety. We live in harsh conditions within tents, having lost our home and everything we owned. Our eldest son, Qusay, has had heart problems 💔since birth and urgently needs medical 💊follow-up after undergoing several surgeries. I humbly request a donation of 50 kronor more if you can my friend and if u can’t just support us enough for me.🌹 to help us travel to a safe place where we can continue Qusay’s treatment and provide a better life for our children.

In conclusion, my family and I thank you 🌺from the bottom of our hearts for accepting our message. ❤️🌹❤️

Note: My friend, if you wish to donate, note that the currency used in the fundraising campaign is the Swedish krona. Every 50 kronor is equivalent to 5 $dollars, 100 kronor is equivalent to 10 $dollars, and so on.

My friends, my appeals may seem repetitive to you, and I apologize if my requests cause any inconvenience. However, I need your continuous support. Thank you for your understanding.🙏🌹❤️

Samer's campaign can be found on nabulsi and el-shab-hussein's googledoc of community vetted fundraisers #196 here: X and you can find the gofundme for Samer and his family here: X . Please continue to donate and share!

[vikasgarden]

❝ Open the bloom of your heart and become a gift of beauty to the world.❞

Vika Rae ⸻ Die Beschützerin aus dem Bach.

Es war einmal, vor gar nicht allzu langer Zeit, da erbte eine junge Frau einen verwunschenen Garten. Die Pflanzen in diesem Garten hatten allerlei Kräfte und sahen dazu auch noch unfassbar gut aus. Jeder, der die Schwelle des Tores überwand, wurde eingehüllt von dem süßen, unwiderstehlichen Duft der Blüten. Besucher ließen sich gern dazu hinreißen, auf der Terrasse neben dem Haus Platz zu nehmen, ein Glas Wasser aufgehübscht mit Zitronen- und Limettenscheiben, sowie etwas Minze zu trinken und den Ausblick zu genießen. 

Wer will, der konnte während der sonnigen Tage im sonst so verregneten Schottland ein Bad im Weiher am Rande des Grundstücks nehmen. Oder einen Spaziergang durch die Blumen, vorbei an ein paar Nutzpflanzen und Obstbäumen machen. Vielleicht ließ sich ja auch eine der streunenden Katzen auf dem Schoß des Besuches nieder und brachte ihn dazu die Zeit zu vergessen, während die liebste Stelle hinterm Ohr der Katze gekrault wurde. Manch anderer packte sogar mit an. Immerhin mussten die Gänse gefüttert, die ältere Golden Retriever Dame gebürstet, Unkraut gezupft und Blumen zum Verkauf vorbereitet werden. 

Doch Gartenarbeit konnte so erholsam für die Seele sein! Manch einer der Besucher sprach davon, dass man sein altes Leben beinahe vergaß. Alle Probleme, all der Unmut und der Stress, waren wie weggeblasen. Es war heilsam den Bienen bei ihrer Arbeit zuzusehen und der Stimme der Besitzerin des Gartens zu lauschen. 

Doch hin und wieder geschah es, dass ein Besucher selbst herausfand, dass mit seinen Gedanken und Gefühlen gespielt wurde. Nicht immer war dieser Umstand willkommen. Nicht immer wollten die Besucher vergessen. Denn wer sind wir denn schon ohne unsere Erinnerungen? 

Dafür gab es aber auch andere, die gern zurückkommen würden. Die sich erneut und in vollstem Bewusstsein dem Vergessen hingeben und das Leben in vollen Zügen genießen wollten. 

Leider ist das kaum möglich. 

Ein Besuch im Garten ist meist nur temporär. Man tritt über die Schwelle, man vergisst und genießt und dann verlässt man den Garten wieder. Erinnert sich, fragt sich, wo die Zeit geblieben ist und eilt dem Terminkalender nach. Der Garten ist eine eigene Welt. Der Garten lässt Raum und Zeit verschwinden. 

Doch nichts wäre der Garten ohne die Besitzerin, die ihn mit diesen Fähigkeiten tränkt.

|| carrd ˟ currently open for plotting ☽ ✶ ⸻ ˟

OOC: Writing in german is highly preffered. I'm crossover and multiverse-friendly. I'd love to visit your world! Please read my #Rules on my carrd for more informations and trigger warnings. 21+ - MDNI! Let me know if you'd like me to write first!

Mostly inspired by The Snow Queen from Hans Christian Andersen.

[3fluffies]

I just found your Districts Encyclopedia, and I am FLOORED! It is so perfect, so detailed and as someone who is enamored by lore, this is exactly what I need in my life, and will urge myself to memorize it fully. Your District 2 one is my favorite. I’m so fascinated by District 2, making a number of Tik Toks on how it’s a district that was so radically changed after the Dark Days (my friends call me the “District 2 Historian,” and I take that with great pride!). I’ve also made a few bits of lore for myself and my own canon. One related to the naming system of the district, and two funeral/death related traditions (one is actually tied to the Games itself). Could I possibly send it to you? I have it all in a massive GoogleDoc with a stupid long list of OCs right at the bottom. Sorry for the intrusion, but I just wanted to say, in short: I love your work!

Absolutely! It's no intrusion at all! I love love love discussing lore and headcanons (in case you couldn't tell from the Headcanon Encyclopedia!) As you can see from my OC Master List in the Phoenix Fire & Mockingjays series (though I think I'm going to rename it eventually - not entirely happy with that series title), I did the same for my OCs. I just decided I should post the OC list since if I needed a reference guide for so many OCs, readers of my fic definitely would! It's fun to develop them and I enjoy hearing about other people's. Bring it on and never hesitate to reach out to chat or exchange ideas.

(Can't promise I'll always be able to respond fast, though in this case, along with a busy job, I was in the process of a cross-country move, but I will respond.) Thank you so much for your comments!

[radley-writes]

hiya! just wondering if u can talk a bit about your process of drafting -> beta reading etc? I'm almost ready to have people read my draft (revised from cp feedback) and idk where to start or what the best process might be! thanks in advance

First off: congrats on having a completed manuscript. It sounds like you're off to a good start, having received cp feedback!

Of course, every writer will have a different method of prepping for a Beta round. I hope this is useful, and gives you some ideas for how to proceed.

Once I have a solid manuscript that's ready for readers, my next step is to ask myself a couple of questions...

What's your deadline?

I like to establish this before I start. I usually do quite long Beta rounds, around four/five months a pop - though some people prefer to work under pressure and might prefer an 8 week Beta round!

You need to pick a realistic date and stick to it. I wouldn't go any shorter than 4 weeks for a 70K novel - and personally, I think that is too tight.

What platform will you use to share your draft?

I use Googledocs just for convenience. But given The Current Nonsense (AI training) you might be more comfortable picking a different method.

I then split my doc into manageable chunks - typically 10K ish each, one part on each doc.

What do you want from your Betas while they read?

I usually make several forms, one for each part, that ask very basic questions - I've found that people respond best to this, plus a few prompts. So, 'what do you like about the story so far? (characters, style, worldbuilding, plot, pacing, etc.)' and 'what could be improved on? (any parts you felt didn't quite 'work'? Go into as much or as little detail as you like!)'

But you can ask specific questions about certain plot points you're unsure about, or whatever else you like!

I then link each 'part' of my novel to the next part and the corresponding form.

How do you want to communicate with your Betas?

I use Discord, because it's easy to set up a simple little server for Betas to join! This server is typically comprised of a few rooms for people to chat about their own projects/my manuscript, plus a couple of fun rooms full of pet pictures and memes - it's mostly just a way to socialise and get to know your Betas a bit better.

Which you should do! The friends I've made from Beta rounds have been with me for years! You'll meet amazing people, and I'd encourage you to show their projects the same enthusiasm that they have for yours!

Then we're onto selecting the Betas themselves.

What do you want to know about your Betas?

I give the Betas one chapter to read, linked to an application form. I want to know their preferred name/pronouns, a vague idea of their age (so: <18 or >18 - for YA projects I like having a mix of adults and kids as my Betas, and for Adult projects I prefer not to have kids). I also want to know their Discord handle and a confirmation that they can read and comment on the whole manuscript before the deadline.

Then I put in a free box for them to write their feedback on the first chapter.

I also list all the content warnings for my manuscript that I can think of, and ask them to confirm that they are okay with reading this novel.

Which Betas do you want?

You've had a dozen replies - so, it's time to select Betas!

How do you pick? How many should you choose? I've discovered through trial and error that I, personally, cannot handle a large Beta round. It's too much stress! Some people have 20+ Betas on every book, but I perish at the thought - so my rounds tend to be pretty exclusive, between 5-10 Betas. I usually aim to have 5, but inevitably add an extra or ...several, just because people are lovely!

I usually choose one or two 'cheerleaders' who give loads of compliments, because I'm a baby who needs ego boosts. Then I choose the rest based on who gives the most insightful critique!

You interpretation of 'insightful critique' will vary. I like critique that is clear and honest, even if that means saying 'I don't know what is wrong here, but something about this section made me lose interest'. I like people who try to suggest what might be wrong, and ways to fix it - but I wouldn't pick anyone who was obviously basing all their assumptions off of Tumblr Writing Advice For What Makes A Good Novel.

Or what they want their own novel to be.

Of course, writers can be incredibly awesome Betas - I've got a squad who I trust with my manuscripts, my life, and my entire ass. But writing and editorial reading are different skills. Some folks are good writers, but aren't good commentators. Their crit will basically be them trying to turn your story into theirs. You get a feel for this sort of critique after a while, and it'll set off red flags!

I also tend not to pick people who don't vibe with anything about the 'style' or 'voice' of the first chapter - those are big factors that affect the whole novel and aren't going to change. They'd be the sort of people who would put my book down after the first page, so they're not really my audience!

Once you've made your selection, you just have to whoosh out Discord invites, give your Betas access to the first part of the manuscript (with links to the next part and the relevant questionnaire embedded) and away you go.

I hope this helps! May your Beta-round journey go smoothly! Again, all advice is built entirely from my own preferences and experiences - if anyone else likes to do things in a completely different and radical way, please let me know! I'd love some new ideas of how to run a Beta round! :D

[thescrapwitch]

Fanfiction Writer Bingo

Thank you for the tag, @thelordofgifs​

I started posting on ffnet when I was in middle school, and I had a lot of fun. Eventually I just sort of moved away from it - and writing fanfiction in general - and it was only once the pandemic started that I found AO3 and started writing fanfiction again.

My AO3 account is theScrap_Witch! 

Every fic I write is one I wanted to read, so in that sense they’re all self-indulgent?

I’ve written for a few different fandoms. I tend to focus on one at a time (Silmarillion, currently), but that doesn’t mean I won’t go back to old interests or try something new in the future.

I am obsessed with story structure and pacing for plot, so I love writing loose outlines. These tend to just be numbered lists with one or two sentences of the main thing I want to happen in that particular part of the story. I like seeing it all laid out like that, so that I know where I’m trying to go with the story (I write better with an ending in mind) and then I can jump back and forth between the different parts of the list as I write (which I find helpful when I’m stuck on one particular part; just work on a different section and then go back when my brain is in a better mood). The plan is very loose, and very open to change; I’ll often delete or add or move parts around as I write.

I get very nervous after I post a fic, so I try to post before I go to bed, that way I’m not constantly checking my phone to make sure someone likes it.

I have received several fanart pieces and I have them all saved in a little folder on my computer and I stare at them whenever I need cheering up. They make me so happy!

We will not talk about the mountain of WIPs in my GoogleDoc files. I complete one fic and three new ideas rise up to replace it. The struggle is REAL. 

Editing for errors is the WORST, because I know, I KNOW, I will always miss some. Always. No matter how many times I reread a fic before posting, there will be at least one little mistake lurking within it that I’ll discover three days later. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

I need caffeine to LIVE, never mind write. My sister got me a mug with all the old-school Disney villains on it and I enjoy using it when I’m working on a particular scene that I know will drive readers nuts.

Tagging: @dreamingthroughthenoise​ @sister-dear​ @echo-bleu​ and @camille-lachenille​ and anyone else who would like to. No pressure! :) 

[jellydishes]

wip wednesday time has rolled around again! i've been tagged by @melisusthewee (thank you!) and i'm tagging @pumpkinlass, @brightsuzaku, @scribbledquillz, and @rlainarin

this week i don't really have anything new to offer since i've been too sick for creative hobbies, so i'll dig a bit through the googledoc for my vampire themed choose your own adventure game i've been very slowly working on, titled fowler's game! this chunk is nebulously located this far, but has several variations bc i'm planning on implementing a rough save game+ feature:

Fowler watched a moth slowly walk up his hand, and turned it so as to keep the moth in sight. You half expected him to crush the insect between his clawed fingers, but he merely followed its path with his eyes. "Vapid, silly things," he said quietly. "But not so much as people like to think. Do you know, the supposition that they are attracted to flame is false? Moths use the light of the moon and stars to navigate, and gas and electric lights confuse them. As do candles. They are attempting to orient themselves by the light of a distant body that is far closer and more dangerous than they can comprehend. Rather apt comparison, wouldn't you say?"

save game plus: Fowler was no longer watching you, and was instead focused on a large moth that was picking its way up his wrist and into his palm. "I always found it strange that people are so fascinated by the way moths will inevitably smother themselves by the very lights they are attempting to navigate by," he said. His fingers curled, and at first it almost seemed like he meant to crush the moth, but instead he was simply redirecting it away from the edge of his hand.

"Where is the interest if you already know the ending? I was always so frustrated by showings of Romeo and Juliet, for reasons aside from the obvious appealing to the audience to use their brains. To see that he had crafted a tragic satire of the very foolish and soft headed romance Shakespeare wished to vivisect before them, which they did not and will not see. People orbit around ideas that will only harm them, and that is the truest comedy of all."

"...And yet, I cannot look away. Perhaps I am not so far away from those sensibilities as I like to think."

THIRD TIME AROUND: A moth landed on Fowler's chin. He didn't swat it away, and instead sat motionless while you watched the insect crawl up his face. His mouth twisted while it climbed, briefly dislodging several of its legs. It still did not fly away while he crossed his arms across his chest and frowned.

[the960writers]

I found this review very interesting and I'm gonna try out Novelpad as a substitute for googledocs (because I'm getting increasingly nervous about putting my writing into google).

Novelpad is an online writing program with an offline mode. Find it here to test it out: https://novelpad.co/

[lost-decade]

WIP title game

tagged by the lovely @freeuselandonorris

RULES: post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! and then tag as many people as you have WIPs.

Right, well here's where I have to admit I don't have a WIP folder. My googledocs is a total mess of completed fics, abandoned fics, WIPs and random IRL stuff. So I had to do a lot of scrolling for this (and actually found some WIPs I would like to continue and had totally forgotten about). Also I often don't give things a title till I've finished or am near the end of writing them. So there are quite a few 'untitled document' that I'm like wtf, what was this meant to be.

A few of these are recent and will be finished. Some of them i think will remain abandoned.

Triptych and A country far away as health are original stories (although some of the characters are definitely based on drivers) and I would like to go back to them.

and you said something

Whatever was promised of pleasure

A thousand miles

Only by the night

Triptych

The persistence of memory

Tokyo filth

James/Jenson lockdown

Midlife crisis

In your corner

A country far away as health

The art of war

Artist/murder brocedes

Tbh there are probably more going further back but it's hard to tell without opening every file because I tend to duplicate documents or post fic to ao3 but forget to change the title of the actual gdoc. So it's all a bit of a mess! Which is somewhat surprising as I'm generally a very organised person.