#Fruit bat!Aziraphale

[little-pup-pip]

Just curious, what requests do you have in your queue/to do currently? If you're ok with saying it that is :]

Oh boy, that's a bigger question than last time someone asked! I have over 200 waiting requests at this point!! Because of that this got very very long, so I put the rest under the cut! Like last time, this is in order of how recently I received the request, and doesn't mean I'm too busy to take new requests!!

Ibara saegusa (enstars)

Monochrome oranges cats and angels

Gloomy bear

Another rockruff (maybe)

Cult of the lamb (specifically the lamb)

Llewellyn Watts (Murdoch Mysteries)

Jake (trailer park warlock)

Cult of the lamb (pet dreaming themed)

Bear therian

Selkie

Ice bear (we bare bears)

Tubbo (maybe)

Snow leopard

Pink

Australian shepherd (pupre)

Cassie (fnaf: ruin)

Draik (neopets)

The rainbow fish

Black kitten + space

Pumpkin head (maybe, needs more research)

Alice in wonderland

Sheep

Someone's OC Avery & siblings

Gothic

Star catcher (MLP)

Masc version of my druid board

Scrooge CG (2009 film)

Beetlejuice

Superstar daycare (fnaf)

1950s + ocean

Pandas + light purple and black

Dandelions

Willy wonka CG (recent movie)

Maki Harukawa (Danganronpa)

Kidcore Halloween + pumpkin puppy Webkinz

Fruit bat

Mermaid

Pastel purple + pandas

Robocar Poli

Brown, lime green and forest green puppy

Weird Barbie CG

Shiny Vaporeon

Where the wild things are

Squid

Dylan (the magic roundabout)

Conner CG (Detroit become human)

Mitsuri kanroji (demon slayer)

Minecraft mooshrooms

Sharks or wolves (haven't decided)

Hot Wheels

Miffy

Fox

Sharks

Zombies

Vincent (dead plate)

Vintage kitty dreaming

Deadpool

Shane CG (stardew valley)

Wolf pup

Celestia and Luna (MLP)

Soft blue and yellow

Pascal (animal crossing)

Pastel blue and pink

Batman CG

Ram

Osamu dazai (bungo stray dogs)

Dylan (the quarry)

Rain/nature + white rabbits

Ox

Penguin + dinosaur

Noah (total drama island)

Vision CG (marvel)

Light blue

Bumble bees + lavender

Yellow + ducks

Bearded vulture

Barn owl

Queen barb (trolls world tour)

Oliver (vocaloid)

Light green light brown and beige

Mind (Chonny Jash/CCCC)

Cinnamoroll + emu otori (project sekai)

Yellow+ chicks and puppy stuffies

Seam CG (deltarune)

Plants vs zombies

Viktor (arcane)

Queen of trash CG (Elmo goes to grouch land)

John Constantine (Justice League Dark)

Aziraphale (good omens)

Scenecore

Musa (winx club)

Leap frog

Hyper feminine puppy

Crow + black cat

Totodile + bodies of water

Bees

Sackboy (Little Big Planet) and or My Melody

Baby crocodile

Animal crossing

Pastel kitten

Doki doki literature club

Keralis (Hermitcraft, maybe)

90s grunge

Tula tones (novi stars)

Eevee + dragons

Kitten + stars

Ratchet (rescue bot academy)

Pastel shark

Mikan Tsumiki (Danganronpa)

Mushrooms

Grey + Ross federman youtooz

Sparkly dragon

Blue and purple + puppies

Ducks + alt/Gothic lean

Cinnamoroll

Shadow (sonic)

Jellyfish

Boyfriend.xml (Friday night funkin')

Puppet (fnaf)

Golden retriever + yellow and blue

Bernese mountain dog

Strawberries

Genshin impact

Len or Miku

Toothless (httyd)

Eddworld

Donnie (rise of the tmnt)

The princess and the grilled cheese sandwich

Pastel goth princess

SpongeBob

Karako Pierot (hiveswap)

Young Michael Afton

Soft fox

Great pyrenees + farm

Ike eveland

Invader Zim + neon green

Julius Caesar (Octavian, night at the museum, waiting until March for this one)

Scorpion

Vampire squid

Golden retriever (again, lol)

Cats + playing outside

Border Collie

Tiger

Argos CG (World of Mr. Plant) 

Pochacco

Mortal Kombat

marble cross fox/forest/fantasy (I'm figuring this one out still)

Puppy + SpongeBob

characters from Project Sekai, Hoshino Ichika, Mochizuki Honami, Akiyama Mizuki and Kusanagi Nene.

Baby vulture

Frog with more fem themes

Rain world/slugcat

Dark academia/cottagecore

Border Collie

Modded smash hit rooms

Crying child (fnaf)

Agent Smith CG (the matrix)

Katamari

Enjolras (les miserable)

Rolfe DeWolfe CG (Rockafire Explosion)

Bugbo

Slime rancher

Puppet (fnaf)

CosMc's

Parado (Kamen Rider)

Tally hall

Gordon (all engines go)

Spinel (Steven universe)

Cater diamond (twisted wonderland)

Rockabilly (probably)

Felix Lee

Jing yuan CG (Hsr)

Charles Xavier CG (X-Men)

Toki wartooth (metalocalypse)

Naoto Shirogane (persona 4)

Kitoto (I don't know what he's from)

17th century dutch

Sirena von boo (monster high)

Jake (miss peregrines home for peculiar children)

Minecraft

Sees behind trees

Allay (Minecraft, I think)

Spinosaurus screenshots or products

Tecchou (Bungo Stray Dogs)

Barbara (genshin impact)

Tasmanian devil

Spamton CG (deltarune)

Spinosaurus

Grunge + lop eared bunnies

Yume-Nikki

Daxter (jak and daxter)

Madness combat for puppies

James Sunderland (silent Hill)

Shirokuma (Danganronpa)

Leo (IDW comic)

[freyalorelei]

Season two meta, with spoilers:

Man, when Crowley introduces Aziraphale to the pleasures of the flesh, he doesn't do it halfway, does he?

He tempts Aziraphale into his first experience with food, not with fruit or vegetables or even bread, but a whole ox carcass. An animal died for that. I'm no vegan, but wouldn't an angel consider that a bit...not good? And yet Aziraphale accepts the offer--hesitantly at first, then he dives in with an almost erotic gusto.

Then the kiss. Crowley probably had many, many opportunities for a slow, gentle introduction, but he grabs Aziraphale by the lapels and forcibly plants a passionate, open-mouthed kiss on him--probably with tongue, judging by Aziraphale's open mouth when they break apart. He may be thinking that if Aziraphale was so amenable to eating meat right off the bat, he'll certainly be down for a little Frenching. That or (more likely) Crowley learned all of his moves from spy films, and those Bond girls seem to like a bit of manhandling, so who's to say his angel wouldn't go for some demonhandling?

[auxiliarydetective]

These ask game questions are all amazing, Evie!! Thank you so much for making them!!

On that note: I would like to ask about questions 1, 4, 7, and 11 from the Not-So-Basics questions for dear Philomel!! I would love to know more about her!!

Hope you’re doing well, lovely!! 🤍

DOLLY! There you are, I was waiting for your approval :) Hope you’re having a great day/night!

1. How good is your OC at making plans? Do they follow through with them?

Oh God, bless her, she's a mess when it comes to planning. There's one master plan she has carried out in her 6000 years of life and that’s her secret waterfall cave she managed to hide from both Heaven and Hell, a plan that was over a century in the making. But aside from that, pretty much the only plan she can reliably make and follow is plans for a date or a secret meeting with a lover. She spends all her braincells on matters of the heart. Oh, and preventing armageddon, of course, but that's also a matter of the heart.

4. What is the one thing about themselves they would change?

Pre-1960s-ish, I'd say it's her wings. Before the fall, it's because her wings aren't fully white which makes her an outcast among Heaven. The archangels don't fully trust her because she "isn't pure enough" and that gets her down whenever she spends time around angels that aren't Aziraphale, which is admittedly very rare. After the fall, it's her dark pink tips. They're a constant reminder of her fall and the anger and sadness she feels towards it. Thankfully, thanks to Crowley, she grows used to them and starts to love them over time. But from her fall onwards, the thing that she would really like to change or maybe even fully get rid of is her aura. She's too attractive for her own good. That wasn't really any issue as long as she lived more or less secluded from society, but now that she's living in London, well... It's rare for her to walk the streets without people staring or whistling at her and she refuses to enter bars, pubs or clubs after a certain hour without somebody around to ward off potential drunks or walk around dark alleys by herself.

7. What odd habit do they have?

It's hard to explain but she essentially flirts without realizing it. Or at least does things that could be interpreted as flirting even though she isn't actively trying to flirt. Like, she'll bat her eyelashes at people, wink at them, tell them how beautiful they are pretty often or just compliment them on the tiniest of things... Most importantly though, she's touchy. Mainly with Crowley and Aziraphale. Like, she'll lean against them, put a hand on their shoulders, place a hand on their chest and stand really close to them while talking, give out hugs often, hold on to their jackets while walking even though they're not even in a crowd... Also, rarely, she kisses them on the cheek, which completely fries their brains every time. It's her aura, they're totally not naturally in love, no... With all that, you'd think you wouldn't realize when she's actually flirting but you absolutely do. It's on a whole new level.

11. What is their favourite and least favourite food?

Oooh, though one. I'd say she probably likes most things to do with fruits. She loves strawberries. Anything strawberries. There's a flower pot in her flat where strawberries grow in abundance no matter the season, so she always has fresh strawberries handy. She loves to coat them in chocolate (and share them with Aziraphale) or use them for strawberry shortcake (and gift it to Aziraphale). Even when it comes to food, she's a total romantic, a big part of which is because Aziraphale loves whatever she makes so much and she wants to make him happy. She isn’t big on eating herself, she's more of the drinking type, but she definitely shares Aziraphale's love for sweets. As for things she doesn't like, it's anything bland or bitter. Aronia berries are one of her least favourite of God's creations, like, why make berries bitter??? They’re supposed to be sweet!

Thanks so much for this, it was super fun!

[wolfjackle]

I got tagged by @betasuppe, @greensword101, AND @insanely-creative-things for this game. Love all of you!

3 fave ships: Aziraphale/Crowley, duh. But for my current DPxDC fandom(s)? This is hard! I'm such a multishipper for DP, DC, and DPxDC. I don't think I can pick just two. So I'm gonna go with an old staple. Pride and Prejudice gives me Elizabeth/Fitzwilliam Darcy (look, when I say old staple, I mean it!). And... hmmm. Screw it, Emma/Knightley from Emma. I squee every time I read Knightley's proposal scene. Call me a basic white girl, I'll concede.

First EVER ship: Damn, I don't know. I got into shipping in high school, but not online fandom. It was either Naruto or Fruits basket, I got into both around the same time thanks to some friends. Fruits Basket gave me Kyo/Tohru (I loved them even when the manga was still teasing the Tohru/Kyo vs Tohru/Yuki love triangle). And for Naruto, I shipped Shikamaru with... I can't remember. I have no idea how I don't remember, but I don't. Used to look up videos and fanart with a friend all the time, but I went back 16 years in my youtube likes history and I can find no record of it. @betasuppe you were one of the ones who got me into Naruto back in high school. Do you remember who my huge ship with Shikamaru was? After those two came ATLA and then it was Zutara all the way. That was probably my first real exposure to online shipping discourse, so if that's what you mean, then there's your answer.

Last song played: Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald by Gordon Lightfoot

Currently reading: I actually just finished a four-part book series last night. The series is called A Mage's Influence by Melanie Cellier and it was so good. My next book will probably be A Lady's Guide to Petticoats and Piracy by Mackenzi Lee (sequel to A Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue). But before that, I have some fanfic updates to catch up on. Next on that list is the latest chapter in If You Give a Bat a Burger which is fantastic and I'm so sad it's been a week and a half and I haven't read it yet.

Currently watching: Nothing, really. I binged a bunch of old disney movies with my friends over New Years, but I don't really plan to continue the trend.

Currently consuming: Again, nothing. I have a glass of water next to me, does that count? And I had a mint chocolate donut earlier that was amazing.

Currently craving: Honestly? A day away from people mostly. Haven't had that since before Christmas. For food? Uh... again. Nothing specific. Idk, I've had a lot of my favorite foods recently with the holidays and stuff. Not sugar. We had so many candies and desserts we had to eat from the holidays that I can't handle much more. (There's still a bunch left, hence the donut. I want to finish them before they go bad, but it's been so much sugar!)

Tagging: @gremlin-bot, @britcision, @thederpclub

[finnskeeper]

WIP Tag Game

Rules: Reveal the titles of the documents in your WIP folder and tag as many people as there are documents. Let others ask questions about the ones that interest them and post snippets or explain the contents as you see fit!

Since it's Good Omens Season, I figured that's a good place to start:

Powers That Be - Reverse Omens/Raising the Anti-Christ rewrite of S1 (and now maybe S2?). Features reluctant Power-turned-Authority "Antius" Antony Crowley running a Pick Your Own Fruit Farm and fruit bat demon Azero still with his beloved bookshop (with a twist). Definitely top of the list for things I might publish.

Tagging @empress-of-snark and @penandinkprincess because I love stories from both of these people.

Also tagging @hideinmyshadow because once upon a time, this story was born from an idea...an idea about Aziraphale as a fruit bat demon and this has been an on-off project of mine for several years now...

[janthonyashtoreth]

Hey everybody!! I apologize for my long absence, but I have returned with my print shop up and running!! Pre-orders will be closed and shipped on the 10th of August, then any remaining prints will be sold on a first-come first-served basis.

I’m so excited for you all to finally see my prints! I have Ink and Flowers, Good Omens, and The Witcher content all available ❤️

janthonyashtoreth.bigcartel.com

[sammininoofthelord]

Fifth chapter of the 5+1 "5 times Aziraphale shielded Crowley from the rain, and one time he didn't."! Only the +1 left!

Collab with @zeckarin-blaise

Time for a bus ride!

You can read it on Ao3 by Zeckarin or bellow

**

Aziraphale stepped onto the bus, held out a note to the driver, and looked around while waiting for his ticket.

No one on this floor. Crowley probably waited for him on the top of the bus, like usual.

He offered the driver a smile, sent a discreet miracle his way (the poor man seemed exhausted and could use a little blessing to brighten his week), and took the stairs to join his friend.

Here was Crowley, arms folded, looking out the window with a scowl.

Oh, dear, thought Aziraphale. He had expected this. The weather had chilled considerably in the last few days, and the cold, unrelenting rain that had been falling all week long had forced nanny Ashtoreth and her charge to stay inside.

Warlock was a very lively child, and needed to exert himself a lot, usually by yelling and running around the grounds for the better part of the day, activities he would gladly engage in inside the house if obligated.

Thaddeus and Harriet Dowling had a lot to say to that, and trying to get Warlock to engage in more quiet activities was no easy task, and ended more often than not in impressive bouts of tantrums.

Did Aziraphale feel a little guilty at having stayed inside the small cottage allowed to the gardener on the far side of the grounds for the last five days? Yes, he did. But one could hardly expect him to work outside in such terrible weather, after all*.

Plus, the gardener wasn’t supposed to wander inside the ambassador’s house, with the exception of the staff’s kitchen for meals, so he couldn’t have helped Crowley watch after the child even if had wanted to**.

*And he had a lot of catching up to do on his readings.

** If being the key word.

 

“Hello, Crowley,” he said with a smile as he took the seat right behind the demon.

Crowley only grumbled something unintelligible (which was probably for the best).

Aziraphale grimaced, but decided to bravely go on. They were meeting to update each other on their mutual progress, after all. 

“How are things with the… ah… mission ?”

Very slowly, Crowley turned his head to meet his eyes over his sunglasses. The yellow, dilated pupils were a frightful sight.

Oh dear , repeated the angel inwardly, Warlock must have surpassed himself this time.

“There’s no way,” snapped the demon, “that you can succeed in turning this little beast towards the light.”

Aziraphale tutted. “Come now, dear boy, you are exaggerating. The boy is a little, ah, lively at times, but he is a sweet child overall.”

“Lively?” hissed Crowley through gritted teeth. “Lively? He stole a bucket full of soapy water while Sybil was mopping the second floor, and he put it on top of his bedroom’s door and called out for me. I got drenched . With dirty water.”

Aziraphale let out a small gasp of dismay.

“Oh, no! Someone could have been hurt!”

His friend answered with a glare. “I beg your fucking pardon? I’ve been hurt! I just told you so!”

The angel patted his arm in apology. “So sorry, Crowley. I did not mean to disregard your suffering. What did you do?”

Crowley huffed. “What do you want me to do? Couldn’t punish him for it, could I? I’m supposed to be the bad influence here!”

“You did not congratulate him, I hope?” asked Aziraphale with a slight frown.

Crowley shrugged. “Probably should have, but I don’t like getting wet, especially when I’m wearing a bodice and petticoats. That little trick ruined them.”

“Now, now, dear, it isn’t that bad. You always miracle your clothes anyway.”

Crowley scowled, but didn’t answer. The angel, after all, had a point.

He wasn’t done complaining, though. The beginning of winter was the worst time of the year, his inner snake rebelling against the arrival of the cold, and in his view, if he was in a foul mood, then everyone else should share it, starting with the smug angel right behind him who had probably spent the best part of last week drinking cocoa in front of a fire*.

*He had.

 

“Why are we meeting here anyway?” he growled, puckering his lips at a dry piece of gum plastered to the back of the seat facing him. “We could have taken my car. Thiss…” he waved around “is dissgusssting!”

Aziraphale rolled his eyes. “Must we have this discussion every time? We need to stay inconspicuous, Crowley, and the Bentley is way too recognizable.”

“Neither of our sides would be able to tell the difference between her and a stagecoach , angel. They know nothing about humanity! And how inconspicuous are we here? Anyone could hear us!”

Aziraphale withheld a fond smile. Crowley obviously had had a very challenging week, and the weather was not helping. The poor dear needed a warm fire and a thick rug to sprawl onto and nap in his serpentine form, as well as some good wine and a compassionate ear to listen to his woes.

Thankfully, Aziraphale knew just the place. “Come on, dear, let us walk a little, I am sure it will do us good.”

The demon stopped in the middle of his rant and squinted his eyes at him. “Walk? In this weather?”

“Yes. I am afraid I feel rather restless after spending so much time sitting down lately.”

Crowley gaped. “Gh--h--wh--you’ve got to be kidding me!” he growled, standing up to follow him down the stairs, “ I was the one running everywhere all day long and having to wrestle the kid to sleep every night, and you had a hard time sitting down ?”

“It was dreadfully boring, I’ll have you know,” said Aziraphale haughtily, stepping out of the bus and unfolding his umbrella to cover them both.

Crowley huffed. “You never get bored, angel. I once saw you stand under a tree for two days without batting an eye just because you were thinking about dates you just ate.”

“They were very good dates!” protested his friend, before looking into the distance with a wistful smile.

Crowley raised an eyebrow. “You’re thinking about it again, aren’t you?”

The angel blinked, then blushed slightly. “Of course not!” he cried in a way-too-high voice.

“I can’t believe it. Here I am, living the worst day of my existence, and instead of commiserating with me, which, I have to add, would be the angelic thing to do, you’re thinking about fruits you ate seventeen centuries ago!”

“I am certain your day is not that dire, my dear,” only said the angel, turning at a corner to head towards Soho.

Crowley only grumbled, shoving the tip of his fingers into his pockets and squaring his shoulders against the cold. “I have no idea how it could get any worse.”

“Oh! Look at this!” exclaimed Aziraphale, pointing to a shop’s window excitedly.

Crowley frowned and turned, searching for whatever had caught his friend’s eyes.

“I don’t see any--” he started, looking back to the angel, only to see him walking away.

“Oi! What the fuck are you doing, Aziraphale? I’m getting wet here!” he shouted, catching up.

Aziraphale stopped and waited for him, eyes twinkling. “See? You could be getting wet. Again.”

He snapped his fingers to dry the few drops that had dared to land on the demon.

“Not that we can have that . Not after that awful prank young Warlock pulled out on you. Come now, dearest, the bookshop is not so far, let us warm up there.”

Mollified both by the endearment and the prospect of spending his off day napping in the backroom, Crowley followed, looking to the other side of the street where a man was running after his hat. The demon wiggled his fingers, and the headgear ended in a large, dirty puddle on the pavement, right before a passing car ran over it, it’s owner shouting at it angrily.

A smirk finally found its way on Crowley’s face.

The day didn’t look so bad anymore.

[morosexual-aziraphale]

The Great Coconut Debate

inspired by a real conversation I once had with my family. thanks to the ace omens server for encouraging me to write about these two bickering about coconuts!

-*-

"alright, alright," crowley said, their voice just a bit tinny over the zoom call. it was late at night, close to 2 am, and an angel and a demon were fairly drunk and had been bickering for hours now. "...what was i saying? mnnhh, doesn't matter. anyway, i've decided, coconuts are mammals because they have fur and produce milk."

aziraphale made an appalled noise. "crowley, don't be ridiculous! a coconut is a fruit on a plant, it can't be a mammal!"

"said nothing about fruits or plants, angel. besides. how do we know a coconut is actually a fruit and not just a very cleverly disguised mammal?"

aziraphale briefly looked like he wanted to manifest in crowley's flat and strangle them. but it was the principle of the thing. so instead, he drew himself up and said, "well, coconuts don't have live births. and they aren't warm-blooded."

"nnnnh, well, aren't seeds technically alive?" crowley asked. "also, haven't you ever had fresh coconut milk straight off the tree?"

aziraphale had to concede the point about the seeds, but he was not about to let the warm-blooded thing slide. "that doesn't prove they're warm-blooded, crowley."

"sure it does. it's warm when you drink it fresh. coconuts are warm until dead, which means they're warm-blooded."

"but-" aziraphale spluttered, "but that's not blood, that's milk! they're not the same!"

"well," crowley said slowly, "it's the liquid that comes out when you stab it." they shrugged. "'s blood."

"you - you can't just say that a coconut produces milk but the milk is also their blood!" aziraphale cried, absolutely lost but not about to back down. "that's not how mammals work!"

"why not?" crowley stretched out their arms. "no rules! god certainly didn't give a damn about mammalian rules when she created the platypus!"

"well, then, according to your logic, if i stabbed you and you started gushing blood, could i say then that you were producing milk?" aziraphale shot back, one plump finger thrust angrily towards the camera and the cheeky demon.

"perhaps to a vampire," crowley shrugged.

"if i started milking a cow and blood came out, that would be a problem!"

"are you saying that milk only comes from a teat, angel? because i'm sure the platypus and the echidna would beg to differ."

"i - i never said that!" aziraphale blustered, now entirely lost.

"well, then, if the source doesn't define the fluid, why can't, in special circumstances, the fluids be one and the same?" crowley asked.

aziraphale stared at them. how was he supposed to respond to that? this was complete nonsense.

"besides," crowley continued, "if meat is just processed vegetables, then for vampire bats, wouldn't milk just be processed blood for their young?"

aziraphale opened his mouth. then he closed it again. he took a long sip of his wine and carefully considered every possible angle to this argument. at last, he latched onto something, and he smiled.

"alright, crowley," he said, "consider this: coconuts do not produce their own body heat, all the warmth is absorbed from the sun. therefore, coconuts are not warm-blooded, they are cold-blooded, making them hairy reptiles."

crowley gaped at him.

"checkmate," aziraphale said smugly.

"h - w - ngh - well," crowley stuttered, "still doesn't explain the milk. reptiles don't make milk."

"technically," aziraphale said, "what is inside a fresh coconut is coconut water, and coconut milk is a processed product made by crushing the pulp and mixing it with the water inside. one could argue that the coconut water is blood, and coconut milk is just a concoction of flesh and blood."

crowley blinked. they blinked again. "oh," they said.

"yes," said aziraphale, who looked very pleased with himself as he took another sip of wine.

"so... a coconut is a hairy reptile?" crowley said.

"yes, i believe that is the conclusion i have reached," aziraphale replied.

there was a long pause. "huh," crowley said. "yeah, alright. i mean, i'm a hairy reptile, so that makes sense to me."

"fantastic," aziraphale beamed. "now, what should we talk about next?"

[the-ineffable-demon-crowley]

The Temple

You’re chosen to be an offering to the angel Aziraphale in exchange for a miracle: protecting your village from invaders. As divine intervention (or a rigged coin toss) would have it, Aziraphale ends up travelling to Edinburgh, and asks Crowley to go collect the offering for him. Except Crowley was told it would only be a few baskets of harvest. Not you.

Pairing ↝ Anthony J. Crowley x reader 

Genre ↝ Smut, fluff 

Length ↝ 7.1k words

Warnings ↝ Probably loads of sacrilege (this is not meant to offend any religion/peoples) - temple sex, religious themes, mentions of blood-drinking, oral (m receiving), fingering, praise kink, dirty talk, general demonic sexy times 

“I’m away to Edinburgh tomorrow.” The angel said.

“So very damp.” The demon complained. “I’m meant to be there as well.”

“Well... suppose I’ll see you there, Crowley.”

Crowley turned his head and smiled wickedly at the angel named Aziraphale. Though he tried, the angel did not look as surprised to see that look on the demon’s face as he should have been. This wouldn’t be the first time they’d come to form some sort of an arrangement. 

“I’ll flip you for it.” Crowley offered. 

Aziraphale paused and looked over both shoulders, hesitatingly so as if he expected God herself to come out and discorporate them both. He then looked at the demon, and nodded subtly. Crowley smiled to himself, and reached in to grab a coin from his pocket. He always kept one in his pocket just for such an occasion - there had been many arrangements over the centuries that required flipping. He could probably count on one hand the amount of times Aziraphale won. 

He held it between his fingers, then with a snap, flipped it. The coin hung in mid-air until Aziraphale called it - and he almost always calls ‘heads’. Tails is reserved for you, for obvious reasons, he once explained. The coin fell onto the back of Crowley’s hand with a soft tap, proudly displaying the opposite side. Aziraphale huffed, slightly put off at the typicality of the result as he crossed his arms. He still never questioned the fairness of Crowley’s flips, which he should have, Crowley reasoned, so it was perfectly acceptable that he not broach the subject. 

The coin was slipped back into his pocket. 

“Oh, alright.” Aziraphale conceded, arms dropping to his sides. “I’ll go to Edinburgh. And you stay here where it’s lovely and... warm.” He pouted, but Crowley flashed his signature grin, and Aziraphale knew there was no appealing the demon. 

“Bring your wellies, angel.”

“You really are a scoundrel. Now, let me think... Alright, then I shall have to wrap up some things here then, and be out first thing. Oh drat! That reminds me - there’s a small village east of here that pledges some of their harvest to me, be a dear and go pick it up. It’s just a basketful or two of fruits and vegetables. I wouldn’t want to be rude.” 

Crowley blinked behind his spectacles. “I’m sorry, this lot give you a sacrifice like you’re some sort of ancient deity?”

Aziraphale scoffed in his posh way. “Hardly. I did some petty miracles for them a few decades ago, revived some malnourished crops, and this is their way of thanking me. It’s become a proper tradition.” He smiled, chest puffed out a bit, pleased with the idea. Crowley looked less enthused, tossing his head to the side with something nearing a sneer on his face.

“Won’t they notice we look only slightly different? Y’know, general demonic appearance, and all?”

“No, no, you needn’t be seen. Just go to the temple at dusk, there’ll be nobody in there. Oh, Crowley, you simply must go. They have the most divine pears.” 

Crowley barked a laugh at that. “How am I meant to go into a temple? I’ll be tenderized into a pair of boots.”

“It’s less of a temple and more of a ceremonial altar. Really, now you’re just looking for excuses, Crowley. And anyway, you owe me. I’m almost certain you cheated this time.” Aziraphale snapped his fingers and miracled himself away after the last word. Crowley noticed how he’d only said ‘this’ coin toss, and he wondered what made Aziraphale suspicious this time. Perhaps he hadn’t put enough oomph into it. Well, it was a small price to pay for not having to ride a horse in Scotland. Picking up a basket of fruits from some temple sounded relatively doable, and he knew Aziraphale would never forgive him if he stood between him and his pears. 

Especially pears that he’d eat with crepes. 

So Crowley waited until dusk fell, then he sought out the village to the east. It didn’t take long, not for a demon anyway. When he came upon it, the sun was beginning to set and from a tall hill on the town’s perimeter, he watched as the villagers doused candles in their homes. A breeze buffeted Crowley’s loose tunic, the ends of hair not tucked into the bun tickling his shoulders. He trained his eyes on each of the simple yet sturdily built structures within the village until he spotted one in particular. Even from a distance, he could see that the wood and stone used to build it were ornately carved, with a looming arch and small pillars. It positively screamed temple- er, ceremonial building to him, anyway.

As the little village tucked away under the hill prepared for slumber, Crowley set down the hill rather leisurely. He’d miracled himself to appear invisible, his presence marked only by an invisible breeze. What the villagers saw was a bit of a leaf swirling in the wind, when in reality, he traipsed through the town quite comfortably, glancing at each of the homes as he passed. 

Though most of the lights had now been doused, Crowley saw that a few people stayed outside, positioned several feet away from each other, at what seemed to be their posts. Weapons glinted menacingly in their hands, axes and knives and bats. They were arming themselves. But against who? 

Crowley continued on, idly wondering what sort of miracles Aziraphale had managed for the villagers, and if they had gone sour. 

Still, he was only here to pick up some fruit; it was no concern of his. Perhaps he’d mention it to Aziraphale later, if he remembered (though the last time he’d had a mind to remind Aziraphale of something, it had been a few thousand years later and that particular civilization had collapsed). Regardless, he continued on with his stroll through the folksy town square, under the awnings of the shops until he reached the front of the temple (in his mind it was still a temple). 

His chin tilted upwards as he surveyed the building, found it rather mediocre as far as temples went, and sighed quietly. Bloody angel. He lifted one hand, and with slender fingers, snapped himself inside. Immediately, he felt the overwhelming solemness settle onto his shoulders, a most unsettling feeling. He shook it off, and looked down to see his feet were still firmly flat on the ground. No burning. The angel was right, it wasn’t concentrated.

“Hm. I would’ve thought he’d be lying if he wasn’t an angel.” Crowley mused to himself. He reached up and tucked a loose strand of red hair back that had fallen out of the bun behind his ear, and stepped deeper into the temple. The building was mostly stone inside, with altars carved into the sides of great boulders worn down and shaped to be suitable to build with. 

He walked along the interior, fingers brushing over the cool stone faces of the pillars, mindlessly loitering around, seeing no fruits or vegetables, until he spotted another door. The inner sanctum. Alright, let’s get this over with. 

Crowley’s light touch against the wood of the door prompted it to open without a single sound. As he walked in, the entirety of the room was shrouded in shadow, aside from a raised stone platform which was bathed in the light of the moonlight from the skylight above. His steps were slow, the heels of his shoes clicking quietly against the stone floors. His eyes fell upon the bounty; a basket of plump fruits, fresh vegetables, what looked like some baked goods wrapped in cheesecloth, and... a woman.

Crowley blinked behind his black spectacles as the woman raised her head from her position laying on a flat stone surface where the foodstuffs had been placed. She did not seem surprised to see him, which did not necessarily comfort him any. 

“Ngk.” Said Crowley. 

The stone was cool against your cheek, and your breath was even as it fanned out against the rock beneath you. Your fingertips traced patterns around the small embedded stones mindlessly, shifting only slightly when the hardness of the surface began to stiffen your bones. The moonlight cast pale blue light upon your skin, and black shadows underneath your raised hand. You studied it with pointless scrutiny, anything to keep your mind off the coming dawn. The one you weren’t likely to see.

Truth be told, you weren’t afraid. There were worse things than being offered to an angelic deity as an attempt to beseech him to protect the village from a looming threat. It had to be done. Even from behind thick stone walls, you could hear the clattering of the weapons the able-bodied brandished to protect themselves and their loved ones through the night. The sounds travelled down through the skylight, and you tried to close your ears to it all, humming a soft song to yourself to fill your mind. 

You thought you might be nervous, pacing, climbing out of your skin, but nothing suited you more than just laying there in the moonlight. Almost as though you could already feel the angelic presence surrounding you through the moonlight pouring in. Reassuring you that things would be alright. But the moon would also act as a signal. It was said he would appear when the moon was at its peak; directly above the opening of the skylight above you. For now, it simply skirted the edge of it, as though peeking in. Wouldn’t be much longer now, you mused. When you volunteered to be the offering, nobody really argued. You had almost no ties to this village, having been left on the doorstep of this very temple when you were just a baby. 

The phrase ‘it takes a village to raise a child’ rang true in your case, and while everybody was kind and generous as you grew up, nobody took the role of family. Everybody already had their own, and you didn’t fit into any of them. Nobody had time to spend on a child that wasn’t blood when survival was on the line. So you wandered around from home to home, perfectly content to spend your days lost in the forests around or holed up in this very temple. How poetic that you were now being offered up in the same place you had been abandoned just two decades ago. 

You’d wanted more from life, and this was your way of getting it, no matter how it all ended. But your intentions weren’t all selfish. You still loved the village you grew up in, and you didn’t want to see it burned to the ground by invaders. You couldn’t afford to lose another home, even if you weren’t around to see it saved.

Suddenly, the stillness of the atmosphere was disturbed. A soft clicking sound reverberated in your ears, the unmistakable noise of a leisurely cant. You lifted your head, and found yourself staring at a man. 

Who was certainly no angel. 

“Ngk.” Was all he said. You blinked as he stepped closer from out of the shadows, clearly very uncertain of your presence. His lithe and lean form was slightly hunched as though in thought, fingers stuck in the pockets of his dark trousers. His black tunic hung loosely from his shoulders, as did the bun on the back of his head, allowing stray locks of fiery hair to come loose. But what was most peculiar was the pair of black spectacles perched atop his nose, hiding his eyes from you. His entire presence was slack, nothing at all like the formality you’d been expecting.

You stared at each another for a silent beat. 

“Is that how most angels talk?” You asked, your voice ringing through the stone walls. You hadn’t meant to sound impertinent, only that you were fairly certain no angel looked like this, clad in black like a warrior. He was beautiful like an angel would be, but a different aura seemed to flow from him than piety. Temptation. 

“Er, yes. Something like that anyway. And um, you are?” His voice was low, smooth, but decidedly confused. You smirked. 

“Y/N.”

“Right, that obviously clears it up.” He responded sardonically. You couldn’t help but laugh.

“I’m here as an offering to the angel Aziraphale. And your name is?” You raised a brow, lifting yourself to a seated position. Your white dress positively glowed under the moonlight, bringing an ethereal aura to you. Crowley blinked at the sight of you behind darkened lenses.

“Aziraphale, of course. Silly girl.” Crowley replied easily, smirking in return.  

You scooted to the edge of the raised platform, letting your feet rest on the stone step below, and adjusted your dress to drape nicely over your legs. Glancing at the man with a scoff, a disbelieving smile encroached on your lips. “I think not.”

“And what makes you think to the contrary?” His words were almost purred, the first attack of charms from... whatever he was. 

You lifted your hand and gestured vaguely at him. “Just. All of you.”

“You have a way with words, don’t you, love?” 

“Well,” You shrugged, absentmindedly touching your hair. It had been done up, but you rolling around on the ground had made it come loose. You touched a few stray strands, unsure what to do with your hands, and dropped your eyes from the man. “I guess I didn’t think being a sacrifice required much articulation. I am, after all, an afterthought to all the pears.”

“Ah yes, those bloody pears.” The bloody pears that had netted him in this situation. And Aziraphale, he’d get an earful. Did he know about this? Was this revenge for the coin toss?

“An angel who curses.” You deadpanned.

“A sacrifice with a lip.” He responded smoothly.

You stood from your place on the stone table, and stepped down from it. He hadn’t moved this entire time, regarding you from a distances with cool indifference. If he was here to eat you, he was taking his sweet time. Perhaps he liked having philosophical, self-scrutinizing discussions about his identity with his prey. Perhaps he just liked being a trickster. You couldn’t read his eyes, and that gave him the advantage. You’d essentially decided that he was here for no good, though for all intents and purposes, you’d obviously never seen an angel before. Who were you to decide what one should look like?

“You’re still keeping up this facade?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’m merely here for the food. What you’re doing here remains an utter mystery to me.” Crowley gestured towards the food with his elbow, his fingers still locked in the pockets of his trousers. 

You crossed your arms over your chest petulantly. You hadn’t expected any sort of fanfare, but this was getting a little insulting. Wasn’t this meant to be a little bit more... climactic? 

“Look, are you going to take me or not?”

Crowley choked on nothing. “Pardon?” 

“Take me. As an offering.”

“To what extent exactly?”

You threw your hands up in the air in frustration. “To save my village, you... being! We’re at risk of being raided by another clan, we need nothing short of a miracle!” 

Crowley made a noise of understanding. That explained the brandishing of the weapons outside the temple. Apparently the village was looking to tack on another miracle in exchange for the girl. Though what Aziraphale was meant to do with her, he had no idea. “That lot out there, with the angry faces and sharp things.”

You didn’t know if he was mocking you or not, but the longer you stood in front of him, the more you were starting to get a little distracted from the matter at hand. The way he was standing in the moonlight let you look at him more clearly, and it was becoming unsettling just how beautiful he was to you. The fact that you couldn’t read his gaze made him all the more mysterious, the more unknown. And you wanted to know who this man really was.

“What’s your name?” You repeated. 

“Crowley.” He purred again, suddenly taking a step forward. Despite your initial confidence, you jumped and nearly tripped over the steps as an attempt to jump back. You’d barely noticed he’d given his real name in that moment. “Well skittish, aren’t you, love?” His long fingers calmly reached for an apple that sat atop the pile. It was a bright gleaming red, though it looked like a pallid pink in the light of the night. 

“Not a pear?” You couldn’t help but tease, though your voice shook a bit. Perhaps it wasn’t best to anger him, not until you knew more about him. The closer he was, the more curious you became. His features were sharp up close, but chiseled like a statue. His skin looked smooth, and his hair soft to the touch. You swallowed. 

“Oh, apples have been a favourite of mine for a long time.” He grinned like he knew something you didn’t, and took a bite. Gesturing with the pierced fruit at the baskets, he spoke while chewing, “Go on. It is yours, after all.”

You were still sat on the edge of the step on the side of the table, having somewhat collected yourself after falling back. Still, your heart hammered. He was an unpredictable, strange man, and you were alone with him. But.. you were also hungry. Crowley continued to chew, this time pacing a few steps back and forth as he surveyed the temple, as though he’d only come in for a visit. Though it was surely akin to some sort of sacrilege, you leaned forward and plucked a peach from one of the woven baskets. It was soft and ripe in your hands. You took a bite, but your eyes did not leave the curious man. 

“So you’re not Aziraphale.” You deduced, sucking the juice from the peach. Crowley swivelled on his heel at your words, the apple now missing several bites from it. He continued gesturing with it as he spoke.

“‘M not. But I do know him. He was indisposed, so here I am.” He sighed quietly. “Dealing with his complications.” 

You hooked your arms around your knees, your peach hooked between your thumb and index finger. “You’re also not an angel.”

Crowley shrugged. “Nobody wants a history lesson, love. I fancied a walk, and sauntered vaguely downward one day. It became a whole thing.” 

You quirked a brow at that, chewing another bite of the fruit. “A demon then.” 

Crowley began slowly pacing towards you, but you forced yourself not to flinch. The longer you spoke, the less afraid you were of him, but that didn’t mean you knew what he was capable of either. “Very good, angel.” He praised in that raspy voice. You felt yourself flush, and hoped the temple was too dark to see. “How d’you feel about that, then? Being in the same temple as a demon?”

Your eyes widened slightly at his words. Truthfully, you hadn’t even considered that. 

“Well-”

“And what was Aziraphale meant to do with you, anyways?”

“I-I don’t know. It’s just what’s done, isn’t it? Whatever he saw... fit to do.”

Crowley was silent for a beat, but the smirk on his lips said it all. “And as his stand-in, does that extend to me? Do whatever I see fit?”

You laughed dryly. “Only if you keep up your end of the bargain, demon. And you can’t do miracles.”

“‘Course I can, angel.” He tossed the empty apple core into the air, snapped his fingers, and it disappeared without a trace. Your lips parted in surprise. The peach pit also suddenly disappeared from between your fingers, leaving them empty and sticky from the juices. 

“How...” You murmured to yourself, staring at your hand, then stood up triumphantly from the steps. “Wait, you can? Then you can help us!” You picked up your skirts and ran down the steps towards the demon, stopping just a few feet short. It was hard to keep your wits about you, especially when he turned to look at you with thinly veiled curiosity. Even from behind his glasses, you could tell he was as intrigued as you were. 

He pursed his lips in thought for a moment, then furrowed his brows. “Why would you want to help a village that’s offered you up so easily?”

“I don’t know, I suppose I still want to do right by them. And anyway, this was my choice.”

“Well, that’s normal.”

You smiled to yourself; he was right. This was not the normal thing a young woman would choose to do, but you were beginning to get the feeling that this was meant to happen. “Will you help us?” Your request was quiet, your voice barely travelling the length of the distance between you. 

Crowley didn’t respond for a moment, and he thought hard. Between you and Aziraphale, he’d get an earful if he didn’t do this one favour. Especially if this town’s pear supply was eradicated. Nobody had to know. 

“I don’t have to, y’know, ceremoniously drink your blood if I say yes, do I?” 

“Well, I’d think you’d know more about the nature of demons than I would, Crowley.” You purred his name back at him, attempting to throw some of his tricks back at him. It seemed to work; he raised his brows playfully.

“Nah. Our lot prefer alcohol, and this being a temple and all, I don’t fancy there being any nearby. Your blood will have to do.” He nodded solemnly, clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth. Jokes aside, you paled at his words, which he seemed to find very amusing. “Relax, angel. Not my taste.”

“Will you take the harvest then, in return?”

“I will.” 

“And me?” You felt your heart begin to beat faster. “Are you going to kill me? Do you need my s-soul?” Curses, that was difficult to get out. Perhaps this sacrifice business required a little bit more strength than you’d anticipated. When actually faced with the reckoning, you’d begun to falter. You balled your fingers into fists, digging your nails in to keep yourself present. It wouldn’t do to pass out now. 

“Is that what you want?”

You didn’t respond. You let out a shaky breath, and released your nails from your skin. Crowley began to slowly walk towards you, just five paces or so, absolutely nothing for his long legs. He towered over you, but his presence was not as intimidating as you’d expected. For all intents and purposes, he’d been respectful of you during all of this. So you weren’t afraid when he raised his hand, and using his index finger, slowly traced it down your cheekbone to your jawline, and along the column of your neck. His touch did not travel any farther down. Your breathing grew shallow, skin burning from where he’d touched it. It was an addictive feeling, and you found yourself already craving more. 

“I’m not going to kill you, angel, because that would be a sin at which even hell itself would shudder. I don’t need your soul or your blood.” He spoke lowly, calmly, and all the while you couldn’t think of anything but his hands on you again. To your frustration, his hand fell to his side and did not come near you again. You hung on his every word, entranced in the sound of it, the roughness of it. “Your village will be safe from any attackers. And in payment for this miracle, I just came for the fruit.” His mask fell away, and he grinned again. “Don’t tell anybody, I’ve got a reputation to uphold.”

He stepped back away from you, and the spell between you was broken. His eyes turned towards the baskets still lining the steps of the ceremonial altar. He stepped around you to assess them, and with three consecutive snaps of his fingers, they disappeared. The stone steps were bare now, except for you, the last of the sacrifices.

“I can’t go back.” You said suddenly. Crowley turned his head to look at you, a confusion etched on his features.

“Are they expecting to find a bloodbath in the morning or something? Blimey.”

“No-” You couldn’t help but laugh a little, though defeat was beginning to seep into your voice. “No, it’s just- I don’t belong there. I never did, and if I go back to the village as the one who escaped the sacrifice, they’ll never accept me. Even if the raiders never attack. They’ll say it was their own doing, warding them off with their men.”

“That’s why you did this whole sacrifice thing then?”

“Yes.” You replied quietly, almost feeling foolish. “I just wanted to experience something new, feel a purpose. Even if it was just for tonight.”

“Right. Of course.” Crowley took his spectacles off, but his eyes were closed and his fingers were rubbing at them. You couldn’t help but peer, trying to see the reason why he wore them even in the darkness. He replaced them before his eyes opened again, but from what you saw, he looked perfectly normal. He let out a short breath, “You’ll have to come with me then, angel.”

“Wh- to hell?”

Crowley snorted. “Not unless you’ve committed some atrocious sins, which I somehow doubt. Anywhere you like. Other side of the world, or across the river. If you can’t stay here, you can choose where you’d like to.” 

Relief burst through your heart, though outwardly, you were still coming to grips with his words, standing perfectly still with your mind racing. It all almost seemed too good to be true, and yet you’d be damned - literally - before you let it all slip away. Crowley was standing on the raised part of the stone platform, and you stepped onto it to meet him. He still towered over you, looking devilishly handsome in black. 

“That’s two miracles, then.” You looked up at him. He was watching you curiously. Your eyes scanned his face. “The addition of a second miracle requires further payment. Can I give you something?” 

Crowley inclined his head in acquiescence. The moonlight drowned both of you in its cold, blue light, yet the demon in front of you still looked warm to the touch. His hair retained its fiery red colour, even tucked back into the loose bun, and his skin was a warm hue. You lifted your hand, fingers mirroring his previously as they traced over his cheek and jawline. It was then that you noticed a small black smudge near his hairline, depicting the symbol of a snake. Your other hand came up to cup his other cheek, at which point you stood on the tips of your toes and pressed your lips to his. 

You felt him kiss you back, you felt it with every fibre of your being as his lips pressed into yours, deepening the kiss. The feeling immediately spread warmth into your chest, but it didn’t last. He broke the kiss, concern adorning his face.

“You’re not indebted to me.”

You smiled. “Not anymore, I’m not. The kiss was your payment. Anything else is because I want to.” 

“Anything else?” He repeated in that low tone, and you just knew he was doing it on purpose this time. “Don’t you know it’s bad practice to tempt demons, angel? What am I meant to do?”

“Sin, of course. Silly demon.”

He playfully mocked your teasing smile, which made you laugh. The sound quickly died in your throat as his lips crashed against yours again, this time more fervently. It wasn’t until your own hands, gingerly and hesitantly, touched his sides that his hands came up to rest on your waist. For a demon, he was certainly gentlemanly, you thought dryly. 

You became bolder by fisting his tunic in your hands as his kiss deepened, his large hand come up to snake into your hair. Your updo began to fall apart at his touch, though you suspected that was no accident as pins tumbled to the floor. His other hand tightened around your waist, bringing you closer against his lean, hard body. The juxtaposition of his rough tunic and leathery trousers compared to your white, draping gown created a delicious friction, and you wanted nothing more than for him to tear it off. He broke the kiss again, both of his hands slipping along your waist, down to your hips and over your bottom. Your fingers gripped his shoulders, a small gasp from your lips. He brought his mouth to your ear.

“Just remember you asked for it, love.” He growled, then licked a short stripe down the column of your throat, just underneath your ear. You shivered in his arms, nails digging into him. “As long as you want this, you’ll get it.”

“And when will I get it?” You teased, at which point you felt his teeth nip at your neck. You let out a quiet yelp at the feeling of his canines scraping against your skin, and you felt him laugh against the crook of your shoulder. He soothed the sting with a kiss, at which point you heard him murmuring against your neck. 

“Are you a virgin, love?”

“No.” You admitted shyly. 

Crowley chuckled again. “It’s not a requirement.” 

“Now, first things first,” He lifted himself to his full height, and you tipped your chin back to regard him. The moonlight created a soft aura around him, in direct opposition to the wicked way he was looking at you now. You could practically picture him licking his lips. “On your knees. Like a good sacrifice.”

Before taking your position, you reached up and pressed a soft kiss to his jawline, unable to stop yourself from tasting his skin. Your eyes fell to his trousers, and you began undoing the corded leather belt that cinched him in. His waist was impossibly slim, and you couldn’t help but see the snakelike resemblance. You could already see he was hard through his trousers, and you teasingly passed your hand over the bulge. He hissed in pleasure, one of his hands coming down to tangle in your hair, now freed from its pinned-up confines. “Don’t tease me, love, or you’ll have a long night ahead of you.”

You chuckled smugly to yourself, and began to kneel down when you felt your legs hit a soft surface. A cushion had appeared on the stone surface, providing a welcome barrier between your skin and the cold floor where your dress would not have sufficed. 

“A kind demon.” You mused to yourself, and you felt his grip tighten in your hair impatiently. You smiled, knowing he must not have appreciated that. Finally, you pulled his trousers down, allowing his hard cock to spring free. He was long, but mostly he was thick. You let your hand pump against him a few times, then you proceeded to take him into your mouth. 

Crowley groaned above you, fingers scraping deliciously against your hair. You saw that he was trying his best not to thrust into your mouth, and you couldn’t help but internally applaud his self-restraint.. for a demon. You bobbed your mouth up and down, using your hands for the last inch or two you couldn’t fit. He was hard and heavy on your tongue as you swirled it around the head, tasting the salty pre-cum. 

“Oh, so good for me, angel.” He said hoarsely. 

You placed your hands on his hips, eyes flickering up to his as you sucked on his cock. His praise warmed you, but it was the sensation of being on your knees for a demon that was beginning to make you soaked between your legs. When his eyes met yours, you nodded slightly, and he acted upon the permission you gave fervently. His hips gently thrusted forward against your mouth, causing tears to spring to your eyes almost immediately. You dug your nails into his hips after a few more thrusts, and he pulled himself out of you, your saliva connecting to his still hardened cock. 

“There’s a good love,” He praised quietly, and pulled you up from your knees. “But I need you to stop there, if I’m to take you properly.” He spun you around with a flick of his wrist, deft fingers immediately working on the clasps of the dress. You knew he could have just snapped his fingers and it would have disappeared completely, but you weren’t complaining against the feeling of his hands against your skin, caressing as the gown fell to your feet. He slowly turned you back around, hands slipping from your hips to your breasts, which he kneaded gently. 

You took the opportunity to tug on the bottom of his tunic, which disappeared in a moment’s notice at your request. His pants followed, leaving you both naked. 

“I’d love to taste you, angel.” He murmured as he fell to his knees himself in front of you, and you blushed at how obvious your arousal was. It was not lost on him, either. “-But I can see you’re far too excited for that, hm? Do you think you’re ready to take me, angel?” His fingers slowly made his way between your legs, and with practiced swiftness, one of his fingers slid inside of you. You let out  a shuddered gasp, goosebumps breaking out all over your skin. 

“Yes, let me take you, Crowley.” You hissed at the feeling of his thumb barely ghosting over your clit, but giving you no relief in your frustration. He was enjoying the power, you saw it in his grin. “God, please.” 

A second finger slid inside, and your breath quickened at the feeling. You were positively dripping at this point, your arousal slick against his fingers. Again, his thumb just barely touched your clit before his hand was gone completely, and you were in his arms. Desperate for his touch, you wrapped your legs around his slim waist, and felt yourself being lowered onto a soft sed of blankets. Turning your head to the side, you saw that you were surrounded by a lavish display of feather-filled cushions and blankets, turning the raised stone surface into a temple of hedonism. 

Crowley hovered over you, his arms corded with lean muscle on either side of your head. His hair had almost completely come loose from his bun now, so you reached up and tugged the rest of it out, tossing the band aside. His red hair fell to frame his face, creating a hellish aura that seemed far more appropriate for him and his station... and for what he was about to do to you. You reached up, brushing some of his hair away from his face. 

“Can you take them off?” You whispered, seeing a tiny version of your face reflected back at you in a fuzzy, distorted image against the black spectacles. 

“Not sure you know what you got yourself into, love.” He warned, but raised a hand to take them off all the same. You watched his body shift, appreciating the sinewy way he moved. The spectacles were gone, and you gazed up into his uncovered eyes. They were a little startling, perhaps, but you had assumed he’d look something of the sort. You raised a hand to swipe your thumb underneath his eye, smiling as you looked up at him. His gaze was green-yellow, positively reptilian, but you preferred it to the blackness of the spectacles; at least now you could see the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled. 

You tightened your legs around his hips, and bucked up. The heat boiling in your lower stomach was getting to be too much to handle. Crowley’s face scrunched in a moment of pleasure as you displayed your frustration, and his grin grew.

“Impatient little thing, aren’t you? So eager to be sullied by the likes of a demon. Ready for me?” He pressed a kiss to your collarbone, and you nodded, feeling yourself dripping against both your skin and his. He must’ve felt it too, because he didn’t spare another second before sinking fluidly inside of your folds. You shuddered at the feeling, your breathing immediately becoming uneven as his hips, slowy at first, then steadily, built up a pace. 

He was thick and hard inside of you, hips rolling against your pubic bone in order to hit that one sensitive spot. You positively keened against him, never having been so full before in your life. Bucking your hips against his, you finally started to feel the friction you had been searching for so desperately this entire time. Crowley’s hips pounded mercilessly against you, skin slapping against yours in the silence of the temple. Only your groans and his panting could be heard, though it was steadily growing louder. 

You cried out when you felt his hand snake down between the two of you, and begin to rub against your clit. His thumb pressed down against it harshly, and you squirmed against the overwhelming sensations. All the while, he thrusted in and out of you without breaking his rhythm. 

“Crowley!” You sobbed, your own hips unable to keep up. Instead, he pressed you down with one large hand, the other still rolling around your clit. Unable to move, you had no choice but to take his relentless cock.

“Yes, angel.” He hissed, pleased with the way your sensitive body was reacting to him, back arching as you desperately sought your release. Oh, he’d give it to you, alright. “I’m here, and you are mine. Say it.” His hand released your hips and moved to your breasts. 

“I’m-” You cried out again as his fingers rolled one of your pebbled nipples.

“Say it and I’ll let you cum.” He cursed at the way you clenched around him when he said that.  “Liked that, did we? Knowing your release is in my hands? Be a good girl and say it.”

“I’m yours!” You panted between your words, your breaths now laboured as his fingers returned to your clit. The only way you could tell that he was close too was by the way his hips began to stutter against yours, though each of his thrusts remained hard and perfectly calculated to hit your sweet spot every time. 

It didn’t take much more - a few more swipes, and the sight of his face, a wicked smile that reached his demonic eyes, to set you off. You bucked your hips against his a few times to ride out your release as it sent sparks up and down your spine, and stars behind your eyes. You tightened your legs around him as he thrusted one, two, three more times inside of you, fingers still swiping at your clit. You squirmed at the overstimulation, fingers digging into his back as he pressed his hips against yours, spilling himself inside of you.

“Fuck, angel!”

You gasped, feeling his hot cum fill you up, and you desperately soaking all of it up. He collapsed beside you moments later, and you felt your arousal mixing with his release all over the inside of your thighs. But you were too exhausted, laying spent on the velvety blankets, to care. A thick fur blanket materialized on top of you, and you happily pulled it over your shoulders. The moon had now passed over the skylight and was no longer visible. Instead, the sky was beginning to turn a lighter shade of purple. The thought of morning almost seemed threatening to the little hideaway this had become for the two of you. You smiled as you felt Crowley’s arms wrap around your waist, pressing his chest against your back. His chin rested on top of your head, and you were certain he could feel your heartbeat hammering away underneath his hands. 

“Well, I don’t know what Aziraphale would’ve done with you, but I know it wouldn’t have been that.” 

You couldn’t help but a laugh, fighting sleep as it tried to take hold. You wanted to cherish was little time you had left in this temple, silly as it might have seemed. Though you wanted nothing more than to see the world, and hopefully Crowley again, you knew you’d look back at this village and this temple (and especially what happened inside of it) with happiness in the years to come. 

“I guess it’s a good thing you showed up instead, hm? Can I call it kismet?”

“If you like.” Crowley’s nose nuzzled against your neck. “Though I prefer ‘divine intervention’.”

“Who, Aziraphale?”

“No, love, a rigged coin-toss.” 

You turned your head to face Crowley with a disbelieving smile. “All of this was dependant on a coin toss?”

“A cheated coin toss, you must learn to listen.” Crowley taunted.

“And you didn’t know I’d be here?” You asked, your fingers trailing up and down his arm, the one wrapped around your waist.

“No, I sent him packing to Edinburgh. He asked a favor of me to come here.” 

“Hm. So you won the coin toss, yet you did him a favor by coming here... then you did me a favour by promising to save my village, and to take me away from here.” You looked up at him, sparkly-eyed, high on the pleasure still coursing through your blood. Crowley’s gaze narrowed, and you grinned. “Awful nice of you. Did his angelic tendencies rub off on you?”

“I’m not nice!” Crowley grumbled petulantly. “’M a demon.”

“Of course you are.”

“Right then, let’s have that neck. Time for the ceremonial blood-drinking.” Crowley’s hands slithered against your body, and you shrieked at the feeling, squirming between fits of laughter. When his teeth nipped against your skin again, you screamed in mock fear of the villainous demon. Crowley’s mouth against yours muffled the sound, and you wrapped your arms around his neck to pull him closer.

Meanwhile, down in the village, the moon began to fade, and the sun began peeking out over the horizon. The otherwise dewy and tranquil morning was broken by the sound that of blood-curdling scream, followed by an eerie silence that seemed to settle over the town. All of the villagers looked out from their windows, some stepping outside to see if they could witness anything happening. They all sighed and shook their heads, tutting at what a shame it was for the young woman to be taken so. Yet, as the fear began to shake off of them with every passing moment, a sense of relief spread through the inhabitants. The anxiety was gone. They would be safe now. 

And so would you. 

[khiroptera]

i definitely prefer canon husbands over any AU, but there’s a lot of cute reverse omens AUs out there and i’ve been wondering if demon!aziraphale would be a fruit bat totally not biased bc bats are my favorite animal

[ellenripleysbelieveitornot]

AcuteAngleAziraphale Fics

Finally got around to making a directory of my Good Omens fics, with links to AO3 and Tumblr (including a fic by fic breakdown of the Chicken Soup for the Ineffable Soul drabble collection.)  A few at the top, everything else under the cut, since there’s like, 50+ fics here. (sorted by most hits on AO3)

Your Lips Are Poison; Your Taste Is Divine (Explicit)

He was beautiful, but in a ‘don’t touch’ sort of way, like the apple he was famous for- freedom and banishment all wrapped into one tantalizing fruit. Unfortunately, Aziraphale had never been particularly good at resisting temptation. So, of course, it started with a touch.

AO3 only

Chicken Soup for the Ineffable Soul (Collection)

Threadbare Heart (Gen)

For the last ten or so years, Crowley has felt an odd sort of affinity with Aziraphale’s waistcoat.

Tumblr | AO3

Wanting (Gen)

Crowley was used to wanting. Answers from a god. A place to call home. For his love to be returned.

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Lucky (Gen)

“Angel,” Crowley said, draping his entire body across the desk where Aziraphale was reading. “Angel, let’s go somewhere.”

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Three Words (Gen)

Three words. Three simple, little words. That was all it took for Crowley's world to fall apart. "I'm in love," Azirphale had said, a soft smile gracing his lips.

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Free Fall (Gen)

Aziraphale fell in love slowly. That was probably for the best, since once he started, he just couldn't seem to stop.

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Anytime with You (Gen)

Aziraphale loved spending mornings with Crowley. He loved those early hours that he got to spend reading in bed with the demon curled up, asleep, by his side.

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Prayer (Gen)

Crowley is a prayer waiting to be answered, and Aziraphale is finally ready to let the hymns spill from his lips.

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To Love the Sky (Gen)

There once was an angel who loved the sky more than anything.

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Grace (Gen)

Crowley liked churches, and Aziraphale pretended that he didn’t know.

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Hymns (Gen)

Crowley sang hymns long forgotten to the choirs of heaven.

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I Choose You (Gen)

Some people believe in soul mates. Crowley was not one of those people.

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Unsaid (Gen)

Aziraphale could fill entire books with words he’s left unsaid. If he transcribed every utterance he’d bitten back on his tongue, he’d find that he had covered enough pages that he could line every bookshelf he owned. 

Tumblr | AO3

Giggly (Gen)

Aziraphale had a problem, and that problem wore skinny jeans and strutted around like he was more limb than substance.

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Flicker (Teen+)

“Crowley,” Aziraphale mumbled into the demon’s lips as they kissed. “You’re doing it again.”

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Bigger Than These Bones (Teenish)

Crowley was most definitely not human. That fact must be made abundantly clear.

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Get Your Ducks in a Row (Gen)

The angel paid him no mind as he stopped in the middle of the path and turned around, forcing Crowley to stop, too. “Crowley, please, would you mind explaining the ducklings?!”

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A Sort of Wickedness (Teenish)

There’s a sort of wickedness to his smile, Crowley notices, and he wonders how he didn’t see it from the start. But that’s why they go together so well, isn’t it? Just as Crowley has a little of the light running through his veins, Aziraphale has just a lick of the dark, there below the surface.

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Not Made To Love (Gen)

Demons are not made to love. That is the only explanation Crowley can come up with for the way he feels ready to come apart at the seams. 

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Where Legends Are Born (Gen)

Crowley walked the streets of legend and saw the world unfold before him.

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Constellations (Gen)

Aziraphale had stars covering his skin.

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Paint the Sky (Teen)

Crowley used to paint. His brush was the cosmos and his canvas was the universe, infinite and vast. With just one stroke, he could bring the sky to life.

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I Love You (Gen)

It was unexpected, almost. Aziraphale wouldn't have thought it (though, that was more because he had never allowed himself to dwell on such things) but, despite all of Crowley's rough edges and walls he had built to protect himself from getting hurt, he loved incredibly freely and easily.

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Made To Love (Gen)

Crowley was made to love Aziraphale, he was sure of it.

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The Truth (Gen)

Fic request: Crowley gushing to The Them about Aziraphale

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Harmony (Gen)

Crowley’s love was a hurricane; wild and all-consuming, it surged within him until there was room for little else.

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Stop Me If You’ve Heard This One Before (Gen)

Crowley relaxed even further into his lover’s lap and closed his eyes. “Can you tell me a story?”

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Eden (Gen)

They met for the first time in the garden, but not atop the outer wall, on the day of the first rain.

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Me-ow! (Gen)

“Oh, good lord- I’m jealous of a cat.”

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*bang*bang* Tartan Love! Whoa! (Gen)

It’s ridiculous, really, the things Crowley will do for love. Walk across consecrated ground. Run inside a burning building. Change the upholstery in his Bentley to bloody tartan.

Tumblr | AO3

First Kisses (Gen)

The first time Aziraphale had leaned forward and closed the six thousand year long distance between them to kiss Crowley, he had made a strangled sound much like a giraffe choking on a twig and promptly fallen to the floor.

Tumblr | AO3

Call Me Angel (Gen)

Aziraphale still remembered the first time Crowley had called him ‘angel.’

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Warmth (Gen)

The lump of tartan blankets on the couch in the back room of Aziraphale’s shop appeared with the first snowfall after the apocalypse-that-wasn’t.

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Your Hand in Mine (Gen)

They held hands on the wall.

Tumblr | AO3

Titus Anacondicus (Gen)

...and maybe Aziraphale had just confessed to six thousand years worth of longing to a snake that was not actually Crowley at all.

Tumblr | AO3

An Absolute Angel (Gen)

In retrospect, Aziraphale probably could have avoided making an utter fool of himself if he had simply asked Crowley if they could meet up to compare disguises before making their way to the Dowling residence. As it was, he was lucky he didn’t blow the whole con by turning into a blushing mess during his job interview the moment Crowley stepped into kitchen as Nanny Ashtoreth.

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Companion (Gen)

Though he never talked about it, Aziraphale was ancient. One of the first angels.

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Sunrise (Gen)

[Aziraphale] had already filled this sky with his favorite colors (every shade of blue and the lightest yellows imaginable) but now the sunrise had him a bit stumped.

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He Loves You, Idiot (Gen)

If Crowley hadn't known any better, he would have thought that Aziraphale was in love with him.

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Treasure Beneath Gold (Gen)

Crowley, in the guise of Aziraphale, fidgeted nervously on the bench as he awaited the angel’s return from hell.

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Accidental Miracles (Gen)

It was too much. Aziraphale was in love and it was too much.

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Forgiveness (Gen)

“Forgive me,” Aziraphale whispers as he presses his lips to tear tracked cheeks.

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He Knows (Gen)

‘I love you,’ Crowley says, not with words, but with his actions...

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All This Time (Gen)

Aziraphale has a husband. This is news to Crowley.

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Nothing Rhymes With Aziraphale (Gen)

Crowley took to writing when the moments without Aziraphale seemed to stretch into infinity. There was something about the repetitive scratch of the quill against the parchment that seemed to calm him; maybe it was just the way it seemed to drown out the part of him that had (unforgivably) learned to miss someone.

Tumblr | AO3

By Any Other Name (Gen)

Crowley wasn’t sure what exactly went wrong, but somehow, his lunch date with Aziraphale had ended with the angel acting like a complete nervous mess. OR the one where Crowley tries out various pet names.

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The Other Side of the Coin (Collection) (Role-Swap AU)

The Beginning (Gen)

An angel and a demon meet outside of Eden.

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Azra and the Antichrist (Gen)

Azra rides a bicycle and misplaces a baby. Raphael makes Gabriel drink coffee.

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On Being a Bastard (Teen)

The first time Raphael had called him ‘bastard’ Azra was, understandably, a little bit insulted.

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The Bentley (Gen)

"I still don't understand," Raphael said, as he maneuvered his Bentley at breakneck speed through the busy streets of London.

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From an Outside Perspective (Collection)

A Little Secret (Gen)

Brother Francis, during the course of his employment for the Dowlings, always seemed to be on the very cusp of being fired.

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Local Idiots Terrorize Ducks at St. James Park (Gen)

There was a small group of ducks at St. James park that were far more intelligent than any ducks had any right to be. This tended to happen when certain celestial beings were involved.

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Ducks! They’re what you practice proposals on. (Gen)

It wasn’t everyday you walked into St. James’ park to find a man down on one knee, ring box in hand, declaring his undying love to a duck, but it seemed today was a day of absurdities, because that was exactly what was happening.

Tumblr | AO3

Snark (Snake Park)

As a spy, Agent [redacted] of the British Bureau of [redacted] had seen some, for lack of a more elegant word, shit. Which is why when the sunglasses wearing redhead in St. James’ Park turned into a massive snake in broad daylight, he didn’t bat an eye.

Tumblr | AO3

Because I Love You (Gen)

This is too much. They barely survived the apocalypse, barely survived getting offed by their head officers, and now Crowley asks him for this?

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Mr. Fell and Mr. Fell (Gen)

Crowley once again changes his name.

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Allow Me (Teen for blood)

Heaven orders Aziraphale to kill a human. Crowley is there to pick up the pieces.

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Third Time’s the Charm (Gen)

For the prompt “please marry me.”

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Routine (Gen)

For the prompt “why haven’t you kissed me yet?”

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Sentimentality (Gen)

Aziraphale keeps his most treasured possession in a cigar box that finds its home nestled in the tea cupboard next to the angel’s favorite brand of earl grey.

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It’s Always Been You (Gen)

A love story told in reverse.  

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God Only Knows (what I'd be without you) (Teen) (4/8 chapters)

Crowley and Aziraphale through the ages, but each time they meet it is for the first time.

AO3 Only

The Complete Idiot's Guide to Exorcism (Gen)

Aziraphale and Crowley fake some exorcisms.

Tumblr | AO3

An Unfortunate Lack of 'Wahoo's (Gen)

“–And then I finished my presentation, Angel, my really good presentation, I might add, you would have been proud, I used notecards and everything. Notecards, Angel!”

Tumblr | AO3

On the Stars (Gen)

I hung the stars for you.

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I See You (Gen)

Crowley sees Aziraphale in the sunrise. He sees him in the light as it graces the sky with color and warmth.

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One, Two, Three (Four) (Gen)

Each time they meet, it's like a dance.

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Big Spooky Fan, Me (Collection)

Trick or Treat! (Gen)

Nanny Ashtoreth and Brother Francis take Warlock Trick or Treating.

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A Dark and Spooky Night (Gen)

Aziraphale and Crowley tell scary stories.

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traditions, old and new ( winter fic collection)

Traditions (Gen)

And suddenly, it’s about traditions made together.

Tumblr | AO3

[unintentional-omens]

Fruits of knowledge

What if the fall of man was all completely by accident? All caused by a hungry fruit bat demon. All he wanted was a little nip. Not his fault they were curious! Just don't tell hell! In my Reverse AU Aziraphale is a demon by the name of Zaffre, and Crowley is a Seraph who just loves the Earth.

The day should have been a nice one. It started one as most would think, but it all came down to one demon. And an accident.

It actually begins with an apple. One that only ended up with a single bite in it, as the being who took that bite, found it rather bitter.

“Bleh.” The being, a demon by the name of Zaffre, frowned at the bright red apple in his hand. The bite had revealed bright pink flesh on the inside. “Honestly, what is so important about this tree if all the fruit is just unpleasant?”

Zaffre shrugged and tossed the apple into a nearby bush, turning to look for a different, sweeter fruit. He ran his hand through his hair absentmindedly. He certainly wasn’t the most observant demon since his fall. As he walked off, a slender hand reached through the bush to extract the fallen apple.

...

Of course, as always, all good things must come to an end. When the guardian of Eden, a Seraph by the name of Raphael found the core of one unusual apple, he knew things were going to go south. He heard thunder in the distance. He turned his bright golden eyes up at the sky that, for the first time in creation, was filling with dark clouds. Right. Would probably be the best to find the humans. He stowed the core into a pocket and took to the sky. He had to find the humans, and quick.

He found them huddled in a bush, full of fear and avoiding each other’s gazes. Drat. That means that it WAS them that ate the forbidden apple, not the sneaky demon he knew to be lurking within the garden; he had caught sight of the unusual creature, a rather large, white bat, and had hoped it was the culprit. Unfortunately not. He sighed. Well the damage was done, best help them before they get into any more trouble.

....

Raphael watched as the humans made their way out to the wasteland beyond. He could not help but feel sorry for them, wishing there was something he could do to help, more than the makeshift clothing he created for them. Especially since he woman was already expecting.

“....sour grapes.”

The voice next to him snapped him from his thoughts, which was a really good thing as he was really tempted to perform a miracle or something to help them. He turned to his left to see a demon, the one he had seen flying around Eden the past day. The demon had large, white, bat-like wings, and contrast to his own white robes, wore black robes, He knew he should do something about this demon, it would be the proper thing to do, but something about him was... well not like the angels who fell from the rebellion. He cleared his throat.

“Sorry, what was that?”

The demon crossed his arms and turned towards him Raphael noted his eyes were almost completely black. “I said ‘that was a bunch of sour grapes.’”

The angel had no idea what to make of what he said, but he let it pass. The demon tilted his head as he looked out in the distance.

“Kind of obvious if you think about it. Big fruit tree in the middle of the garden, surrounded by other fruit trees, with a big old ‘don’t touch sign’? Why not put it somewhere out of the way? Less likely to get eaten accidentally like....”

The demon suddenly went quiet, eyes widened.

It took Raphael a full minute to realize what just happened.

“Wait, what? What do you mean accidentally?”

Zaffre felt his cheeks flush as he avoided the angel’s gaze. “It was unintentional that she got the apple. I dropped it, and she picked it up.”

Raphael couldn’t believe it. The whole thing was just an accident?

“You’d think the Almighty would know that. Makes you wonder what the Almighty’s really planning.” Zaffre wrinkled his nose.

The Seraph fluttered his crown wings idly in thought. There was something about this demon, he was very unusual, considering it seemed he felt SORRY for the humans fall from grace. He cleared his throat. “Well, it’s best not to speculate....”

The demon looked over at the angel who had paused expectantly. “Zaffre.”

Raphael smiled. That was an interesting name, certainly not an angelic names. Perhaps the angels that fell from the rebellion all got new names? He introduced himself as well.

They stood in silence for the moment, watching as the humans managed to build a camp. When it started to rain, Raphael went to lift his wing to shield his new friend, only to be surprised by Zaffre shielding him with HIS wings. His golden eyes widened in shock. The demon avoided his gaze, but from this proximity the angel could see his face clearly. Rather than black, his eyes were a deep blue, and there was a smattering of freckles across his blushing face. He felt his own face flush, and had to fight the instinct to cover his face with his crowns Instead, he de-summoned his wings to allow himself to fit under the membranous wing better, instead of crowding the poor demon. He looked into the distance as the sun started to set, for the first time. He couldn’t help but wonder, what this new friendship would entail. Only time would tell.

.

[sailoryue]

So I FINALLY jumped on the bandwagon of reverse omens Aziraphale. He is currently in named cuz I don't want to use all the other ones people use. Give me time and I'll think of one.

He... accidentally... Tempted the humans in garden of eden. They saw him nipping the forbidden fruit and ate his leftovers (he found the forbidden fruit rather bitter) In his part time he imports exotic fruits from across the globe, bypassing customs. (He doesn't let the ecosystem go out of wach tho) He is a huge glutton for fruits, just as much as our Aziraphale loves pastries.

He has freckles, those are his permananly aspect from his animal form, which if you can't read my bad hand writing, a fruit bat. Particularly that white wolf fruit bat.

Crowley LOVES the freckles. They're his favorite part of Aziraphale, that and the one line black curl in his otherwise white floofy hair.

His eyes are pure black, and takes alot of effort to make the whites appear, as well as they're really sensitive to light, so he wears sun glasses

He's behind the arguments over fruits that are veggies and veggies that are actually fruits, and will argue with you over it.

He's also behind seedless fruits because seeds get in the way of enjoying fruits.

Here's a lined close up of his face

[our-smooty]

Prompt: write something lovey dovey you've always wanted to write. it could be a scene you never found the right place to put in a fanfic. something you've never had the chance to write. something you've never written because it didn't seem like anyone wanted it. WRITE IT!!!!!!! i want it!!!!!!! go crazy!!!!!! go STUPID!!!!!!!!

This is me writing self-indulgent fanfic of my own fanfic (Flowerbeds and Fertile Soil) aka Domestic Ineffible Lovebirds fluff (5-6 years in the future form the fic)

The alarm went off, as it always did on weekdays, at 6 am. Crowley hated that alarm with a passion normally reserved for parking tickets and leaf spots. Especially since Aziraphale refused to use anything but his old-fashioned alarm clock and the noise nearly rattled what was left of the demon’s soul out of his corporation each day.

“Turn it off!” he hissed, burrowing deeper into the duvet. “Angle turn it off!”

After the first few times he’d chucked the thing across the room when they’d first began sharing a bed–nearly 15 years ago now–they’d agreed to keep the clock on Aziraphale’s side. Aziraphale grumbled sleepily and batted at the thing. Soon blissful silence rang throughout their bedroom.

“That thing is a menace angel. I don’t care if the kids can’t hear it, or if it’s an antique, we’re throwing it out now.” Though he made similar threats nearly every morning, this time dammit he meant it! And nothing Aziraphale could say would change his mind!

“Actually dear, I quite agree.” Aziraphale’s voice was groggy and rough. He’d been up all night every other night with the baby since a new molar was coming in. Last night had been Crowley’s turn to get some shut-eye. “I remember how nice it was, waking up to whatever little jingle you picked on your phone back when we were co-sleeping… This old thing has served its purpose. Maybe I’ll donate it somewhere.”

“Bin it, more like,” Crowley growled. Warm arms enveloped him as Aziraphale wiggled his way closer to leech his body heat. “No wait, we can throw it out on the driveway and then I’ll run it over with the Bentley.”

“I’m sure the children would love that dear. We could make a whole event out of it.” Crowley wasn’t sure if he was kidding or not, but it would be pretty spectacular. So he tucked the idea away to be revisited when the sun was up and clung to the last few moments of waking-up peace. Maybe they could all play hooky today, keep the kids home from daycare and school, close up the store and leave the gardens the fend for themselves. Aziraphale wouldn’t go for it though, he was firm on the ‘no more than 3 days truant per child, and absolutely no messing with the shop clock to encourage closing early’ thing.

“You can go back to sleep angel,” Crowley sighed after a few minutes. With great difficulty, he disengaged from their embrace and the multiple blankets so he was upright and less likely to drift back off. “S’only fair since you were up all night.” Already he could hear the pitter-patter of little feet from the room down the hall, followed quickly by babbling and shouting in the room across from it. “I’ll handle the rugrats.”

Aziraphale sighed happily, nuzzling into the pillow before sitting up as well. “I’ll tell you what. If you get the sprouts ready for school, I’ll take try to get our little petal to nap with me in bed for a little while longer.”

“Oh how kind of you. Cuddle with the baby and leave me with the brats,” Crowley joked, slipping into his housecoat and slippers. Aziraphale blew him a kiss, which turned into Crowley pantomiming catching said kiss and swooning dramatically. Which then turned into a giggle fit between the two.

“Sounds like a plan angel. But you know that means cocoa puffs for breakfast.” Aziraphale sighed again, exasperated this time, and began searching for his own slippers. 

“At least cut up some fruit or something. You know all that sugar is bad for them!” It was an argument they had nearly every morning when Crowley was cooking. And it always ended the same way.

“Yeah yeah, I’ll give them some orange wedges or whatever we have. Go have your cuddle.” Even if his tone was grouchy, his face was fond. “Give the little’un a kiss for me?”

“How are bout give me a kiss, and I’ll pass it on,” Aziraphale said, shuffling over to Crowley’s side of the bed like the silly old fool he was. When he arrived and leaned down to Crowley’s level the demon could smell the barest hints of his aftershave from the day before. 

“Fine, come here love,” Crowley hummed. He used one hand to guide Aziraphale’s chin, bringing him close enough to plant a sleepy, somewhat sloppy kiss. Crowley would blame it on the room being dark, and not because he swooned just a little at his husband, all sleep-mussed and soft and about to go back to their bed and cuddle their child. Unfortunately, it had to be quick, since they could both hear the approach of multiple sets of little feet and an increase in the shouting coming from the nursery.

“Well? Best get to it then.” They pulled apart reluctantly, though it wasn’t too bad. After all, the best thing about being on their own side was knowing that they could do this every day, for the rest of time.

[finnskeeper]

Reverse Omens AU - The Players

Okay, so I’ve got some of the bare bones details down. These might change, they might not, but I do like them so I wanted to share. I’m still trying to get a feel for their characterizations, but that might come when I actually start writing.

@hideinmyshadow, @khiroptera

Azero, A Fruit Bat Demon

Owns the Tree of Knowledge, a cavernous, two story bookshop in Soho. Prices here are unreal. You can get a whole library worth of books for pennies if you hit the right day. It’s like he’s giving it away! (Curiously, the shop never seems to need restocking.)

There’s a huge tree in the middle of the shop that no one knows is real. The branches are part of the architecture, the topmost of which appear to be grown directly into the ceiling. If you time it right, you’ll walk in and find a rather large flying fox roosting from one of the branches. It does not appear bothered by you.

Eats fruits almost exclusively, but won’t say no to delicious veggies, nuts, grains, etc. Not terribly fond of meat. Figs are the best. Bananas, not so much.

In the Fall, his wings were transformed from angel wings to bat wings. In his human form, fully stretched, they reach a wingspan of approximately 15 feet (4.6 m). 

Wears a fedora most of the time to shade his gold-brown eyes which, like most bats, are sensitive to bright lights. (Also because he thinks it looks cool and he knows it makes some people mad.) He sees best in the in between hours, dawn and dusk, but can see fairly well at night time.

Had a torrid whirlwind romance with 19th century French zoologist, Claude Jourdan, who went on to name an entire genus of megabats after his demon lover (Acerodon).  

Anton Crowley (Antius), An Authority

Helped shaped the cosmos and spent the time before Earth’s creation monitoring their movements.

During The Rebellion, he was assigned to Michael’s division and issued armor, a helmet, and a wicked spear. He still has all 3, though he hates wearing them.

By a stroke of dumb luck, he actually landed the decisive blow that sent Lucifer careening down into the Pit. Most Christian iconography wrongly credits Michael with this feat. Crowley is still pissed about it.

After The Rebellion, he was reassigned to casting any wayward evil spirits back into Hell. He hates this job. He answers directly to Michael.

After the Guardian of the Eastern Gate failed to protect Adam and Eve from demonic influence (*cough*Azero*cough*), Antius is dispatched to oust the demon from Eden. He decides not to smite him, let’s him go instead. This would turn out to be quite a pivotal moment for him.

Changed his name to Anton sometime during the height of Roman Empire because he liked it. (Really, everyone kept getting it wrong anyway.) He added the surname Crowley sometime in the 11th century AD. 

Owns a PYO (Pick Your Own) Farm just on the northern edge of London. People often remark that he has the best fruits for each season no matter the weather conditions. How does he do it? Also teaches astronomy part-time at the University of Cambridge. Mostly because they let him use their telescopes to check in on his babies swirling around in space.

[trashboatprince]

This one is written mostly for the sake of playing up on the book canon that Aziraphale and Crowley hired Francis and Ashtoreth to watch over and influence Warlock. But at the same time, the book also leaves it sort of open that it’s still these two idiots, but for the sake of this one-shot, they’re all different characters.

And I really wanted to write something sappy about a gardener having a crush of a satanic nanny that had nothing to do with them being Aziraphale and Crowley. Their appearances are based on my headcanons for the book/radio versions of the boys, just slightly tweaked so they don’t look one-hundred percent like their bosses.

Summery: Mr. Aziraphale hired Brother Francis and had warned him that the other side would have a wily counterpart to him to leave an influence on the Antichrist. He wished that the angel had warned him that she was a lovely dear…

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Chapter Two: A Flower for Ashtoreth

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Brother Francis was a good man, one that Mr. Aziraphale had put a large amount of trust into. A former clergyman who tended to church gardens, he had gotten involved in Mr. Fell’s ‘business’ a while back. He didn’t mind helping out, though this seemed like a rather big mission and he wasn’t sure why it had to be him.

Still, he couldn’t complain, it was nice to be helpful, even if he’s just tending to the massive grounds of the Dowling estate.

He had started work earlier this week, and so far, he had yet to encounter to the Antichrist, but that’s due to him being inside all day with his nanny. Francis had also taken note that he had yet to see the person who he was supposed to be the opposite for.

Mr. Aziraphale had warned him that Hell was going to send a human agent to influence the Antichrist to the wiles of evil, and that it was Francis’ job to thwart the influences with his own of good and kindness, for Heaven’s sake. He had told Francis that the person would work for a man named Mr. Crowley and that he had to keep an eye on this agent of evil.

Too bad he had no clue who this person was.

He sighed to himself as he looked at the flowerbed in front of him, oh dear, he wasn’t sure if he planted this right. Fruits and vegetation were where his gardening skills were best, along with certain trees, flowers and greenery were where he was weakest. He had wished he had more time to study up on this.

“I hope these grow right…” He mumbled as he removed a fern from a plastic planter and put it into a hole he had made in the ground.

“You’re doing that wrong.” Came a soft, Scottish voice, causing Francis to pause.

He turned and looked towards the source of the voice, blinking. There, not even two yards away, was a woman with a pram that was a dark maroon in color. She was tall, much taller than him, dressed to the nines in black clothing with hints of grays and red throughout it. Francis was reminded of Mary Poppins by her outfit choice, if not also by the influences of private businesses with gentlemen that could contact a certain type of woman through newspaper ads and phone numbers.

Her hair was pinned back, dark red in color, with a streak of gray on one side, her face held a few beauty marks, her eyes hidden behind dark glasses.

He felt his heart skip a beat as he looked at her, she was a beautiful flower in his garden, such a dark contrast to the blooming yellows and whites she stood near.

Then he noticed the necklace she wore, a snake eating its own tail, with a pentagram within the snake circle. The agent! This had to be Mr. Crowley’s agent to be a terrible influence on the child! The nanny? Perfect choice for Hell to make! She’d be right there to teach the child the worst of the worst!

Francis gulped, looking at the plant he had just put down. “W-what makes ye think ‘m doin’ this wrong, ma’am?”

“For plants like that,” She spoke as she stepped closer with the pram, “you break up the roots. They need to spread out, allows for them to grow better. What sort of gardener does not know this?”

“One whose spent more time with planting vegetation, I’m afraid.” Francis removed the plant, breaking up the clumped roots before replanting it. He dusted his hands off on his smock and gave a bow. “Brother Francis, at yer service, ma’am.”

She watched him behind dark glasses. “Nanny Ashtoreth, charmed.” She replied with a hint of a smirk on her painted lips.

He smiled a little at her before hearing a coo, letting his curiosity get the best of him as he peeked into the pram, seeing a baby body, bundled up in a blue blanket, gently chewing on the eat of a stuffed, black cat toy. “Ah! You must be Master Warlock, well aren’t cha just the cutest thing.” He grinned, wiggling his fingers at the baby.

“He’s only cute when he’s not raising hell.” Ashtoreth spoke. “Just a wee thing and already he is causing so much trouble.” There was pride in her voice.

“Ah, but ma’am, babies are always up to trouble, they’re not familiar with how the world works.” Francis spoke up, still smiling. “But in due time, he’ll learn to good and the bad.”

“Oh, he will.” She replied, her smirk showing her teeth. “He will learn.”

--

Francis was a good man, but he was also that, a man. And sometimes men had thoughts. Not that his mind ever strayed into the more adult-like thoughts that many men have had, but his were more focused on thoughts of a beautiful woman that he would love nothing more than to kiss the hand of.

It’s been months, nearly a year, since Francis arrived to the Dowling estate and had met the nanny. He had been keeping up with his work, tending to the garden, and to the house plants when the weather got too cold for most yard work. He had been reporting to Mr. Aziraphale on his days off, hard to track the man down sometimes with his bookstore hours being what they were, but he always found the man.

Francis let him know about the child, how he’s been rather good, though he does have a mean streak when he wants something and wants it now, even for someone who isn’t a year old yet. He also let Mr. Aziraphale know that he’s been doing his best to neutralize the influences of Ashtoreth.

However, he’s left out that the more time he spent around the estate, the more he’s been watching her. He’s seen how she acts around people, how she can be quiet and prim, proper even, when dealing with adults, but with a child? She’s as sweet as fresh honey. However, to those who tend to give her a hard time or even dare to touch her, she brings out a fury that would even have a demon blushing.

He couldn’t help but to observe how beautiful she was, with fiery hair always styled perfectly, clothing that was modest but still a bit devilish in its own right, and how she would sometimes smile at him when she caught him looking.

He bit his lip, looking at the flowers in front of him. They were a recent addition to the garden, black flowers, hard to find, but he still was able to get some for the garden. He had spent the time and effort to research dark flowers, to add a bit more to the garden rather than just the bright ones. For aesthetics, he told himself!

But these ones were special, a patch he had hidden away from the eyes of the household, growing near his cottage on the grounds. Bat orchids, though technically a deep brown, still looked black. And with a bit of help, these ones were black. He carefully picked one, standing up with a smile on his face as he crossed the yard to find Ashtoreth.

He knew she was outside, he could hear Warlock’s excited babbling and the like clear as day. He spotted them near a small ledge and steps to the upper portion of the garden and Francis blushed as he made eye contact with her, even with the shades on. “Brother Francis.” She greeted with a nod.

“M-Mornin’ Miss Ashtoreth!” He smiled as he stepped closer.

“Did you need something?” Ashtoreth asked, watching him carefully. She seemed to have noticed that he had a hand behind his back, raising an eyebrow at this. “Do you have something?” She corrected herself.

Well, it was now or never.

He approached her, bowing slightly as he held out the flower to her. She stared at it, tilting her head slightly. “This is fer you, my dear! It’s a Bat orchid, beautiful flower, also known as Devil Flower! It, uh, it reminded me of you, with all its bells and whistles. A pretty flower fer a pretty lady…” He mumbled, looking away.

Ashtoreth stared at the flower, reaching out to take it, but Warlock grabbed it instead. “Oh, well, this is rather nice of you, Bro-” She looked up from taking the flower away from the child, only to find that Francis was gone.

She looked at the orchid before smiling ever so, slipping it behind her ear. “Did you see that, my little hellspawn, the gardener gave me a gift. Now, I told you that people are terrible and should be crushed under your heels, but I think you can make an exception for him. He’s too kind for his own good, and maybe that’s a good thing.”

An hour later, when Warlock was down for his morning nap, Ashtoreth found Francis hunched over a patch of tulips, humming to himself. He didn’t seem to notice her as he stood up straight and she went in for the kill.

He didn’t see it coming as she planted a kiss on his cheek. “Thank you for the lovely gift, Francis.” She whispered at his ear.

His cheeks burned red as he looked at her, seeing her lower her shades to wink. She gestured at the flower, still tucked behind her ear, before she turned around. “I’ll see you later, Francis.”

“R-Right, yes, uh, see you later, Ashtoreth…!” He touched his cheek, feeling the faint touch of lipstick there, and smiled brightly. Oh, this mission was going to be a lot more interesting now.

--

This was fun, I might do more with these two as they are.

I really want to do one where Crowley and Aziraphale meet up with them years later, only to find out they’re married