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#GODDDD. THE HINDSIGHT
colinprovolone · 5 months
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mannnnn. remember riz investigating porter on fig’s request first ep of sophomore year. i wonder what would’ve happened if he had gotten like a 25 instead of a 16 on that investigation roll. “he takes a lot of trips to fantasy vitamin shop, a lot of protein powders, a lot of supplements” <- insane thing to be foreshadowing
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kitnapz · 1 year
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i dont think any other show has had an impact on me as huge as awae. that show consumed my entire life for months and months when i was 15 and nothing has changed its so so dear to me
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the more I think about it the more I get frustrated about how the game has just consistently treated lychee like ass
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sodrippy · 2 years
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actually so bummed i missed going out w my mates last night even though its bc they are on a different continent
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honeyvenommusic · 7 months
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like i don’t think you understand. STRINGS. i have access to STRINGS IM CRY
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frankiebirds · 5 months
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i couldnt get good screencaps of it, largely because there are quite a lot of these moments and theyre often very short and rely on the physicality/movement of the characters but. godddd p911 hurts in hindsight with the way morgan is acting the whole time (particularly with principal rawlings, a man who holds a position of power and trust over the children he wants to hurt).
screaming crying eating my laptop. holds him gentle. i dont care that at this point in the series he is a solid fourteen years older than me. i am holding him gentle he needs it
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daydadahlias · 4 months
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19, 32, 35 for the writing prompts! :D
hi!! thank you for asking :D i talked a lot in this warning in advance <3
19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?
Ooo how fun!! Now i get to tell you my life story lol <3 well, I’ve always really loved writing and I honestly can’t think of a time in my life that I wasn’t writing in some form? I was always writing weird short stories or poems in elementary school and I wrote little (horrible) picture books from about 1st through 3rd grade. And then I wrote my first “full book” when I was in 4th grade (it was called One Wolves World <3 because I didn’t understand plurals <3 and it was like 80 pages). And then I started a bunch of books I never finished (mostly about personified dogs because I was a Warrior Cats kid). Then, I wrote my fantasy novel (as all young writers must) when I was in 6th-8th grade. And that ended up being 80k and it was dogshit. So I wrote my next book (50k) in 9th grade and I actually had some fun opportunities with that one! For a little while, I sold self-printed copies of it at two local bookstores and I sold about a hundred copies of it :) which is NOT a lot lmfao but to a freshman in highschool it was a super big deal! And from there I wrote two more original books in 10th grade. And during that time, I started writing fanfic! Originally, I wrote a few unfinished fics on Quotev (which are still up and you can find them if you really dig lmfao) when I was in middle school. And my first fic on ao3 was a stucky one (which I wanna say I posted in, uh?? My freshman year?? Maybe 8th grade… I can’t remember tbh, I took it down years ago at this point). In 10th grade, I wrote this original novel called “Sorrow or Silence” which was soooo bad oh my godddd lmao but I liked the premise so I ended up entirely rewriting it as a ryden fic (panic! At the disco was my original fandom on ao3) and that ended up being a whopping 270k which is crazy in hindsight!! Like 16 yo me really wrote that in just a few months!! That’s crazy in hindsight!! Anyway, from there, I was writing original fiction and panic! Fic at the same time (I posted 4 fics for panic!, one of which was chaptered that i never finished uwu and I’ve since privated all of those). I ended up getting into 5sos during quarantine in 2020 and started posting fic about them!! And now I’ve been here for four years lol! I still write original stuff (creative writing minor woo) but not so much fiction anymore. A short story here and there but I’ve been largely into poetry during college! And in terms of where I’m going now it’s finally the era of my life where I’m going to start pursuing publishing eek. This year, I’ve started actually submitting things to journals/magazines so… here’s to hoping! I haven’t heard back from any yet (I submitted in March and it takes a long time for them to get back to you) but I’m gonna keep submitting where I can and, hopefully, things will stick eventually!  
32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?
Ooo i love this. Honestly, this isn’t a written material, but that line from Bojack Horseman “when you look at people through rose tinted glasses, all the red flags just look at flags.” I just think it’s so powerful. I also love that line I have in my bio!! “Too groovy to be so goddamned grave” is from a poem by Patrick Rosal who I had the opportunity to introduce at a reading he did on his tour and also meet! He’s really fantastic and I just love that poem and the concept of being too groovy to be grave. It just eats. 
35. What’s your favorite writing rule to smash into smithereens?
Hmmm. Well, you’re told not to use “purple prose” in creative writing because it muddies the meaning. That’s, like, overly flowery writing for no reason. But to be honest! I love a metaphor! I love a simile! I love consonance! I’m going to use fun words because they sound nice! A sonic experience is just as valid as, like, an experience of just understanding something idk if that makes sense. But yeah, I like to use flowery language more than some writers recommend.
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moonjxsung · 6 months
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soooo I love making stupid decisions. I have a flight on Friday. I'm getting a keratin treatment rn, my ears are burning. I need my hair to be straight and easy to dry bcs ew summer. tomorrow, I'm getting lip fillers for the first time. I'll be at the airport with bruised puffy lips and I might get arrested for not looking like my passport pic. it happened before bcs I showed up at the airport after my nose job and the pic was from years ago.
I'm so not excited for the flight tho cause my country's got such shitty airlines. the airplanes don't have business class cause "it's a short flight" not bcs the damn thing is a piece of metal in the air.
(also baby, I'm glad you got an apology from the thief. even if it's a shitty one.)
- ☾
This is sooooo real the ohhhh the lengths we go to for beauty 🫶 good luck w the lip fillers I hope they don’t hurt too much!!! I’ve had 2 nose jobs (and I’m saving for a 3rd right now lol I think I will hate myself forever) and can confirm the difference between passport pics never gets less weird lollll
Have a safe flight my angel I hope it’s not too bad even if it’s a shitty airline 👼 how long is the flight?? I always just sleep the whole time on flights so I hardly even experience them. which can be a good thing in hindsight but I can’t imagine being someone who can’t fall asleep on flights and having to be awake for a whole shitty flight oh my godddd I couldn’t
Safe travels angel let me know when you land safely !! 💝💕💘🫶
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livvyofthelake · 2 years
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ok! so i finally rewatched the secret garden last night for the first time in like three years. and i rewatched it in 2020 for the first time since i was a kid and when i watched it THEN i was like huh there is something Off about this movie but i can’t quite articulate what i’m thinking. presumably this is a vibe i’ve gotten from that movie my whole life considering it was never a huge favorite despite the Aesthetic or whatever. like so many people love this movie and knowing me you’d expect me to be one of them but i’m not. um also i must preface this with the disclaimer that i did not read the book except that i did but i didn’t. so no i didn’t. i had like an abridged version or something for kids idk. that seems weird in hindsight considering the secret garden is already for kids but idk i didn’t write it i didn’t even buy it i was like seven my mom gave it to me because i was a little girl who liked flowers and reading. so i did read the book. except that i didn’t. anyway that doesn’t even matter because that was so long ago. but i saw the movie last night so i’m just gonna talk about the movie because no one to my knowledge has ever really complained that the book and movie are vastly different anyway so who cares. so basically everyone likes it because like. bitter little girl protagonist and well. the titular secret garden. and like aesthetics i guess. i ALSO love those elements, my problem stems from other areas of the story. small tangent i saw the CRINGIEST letterboxd review for this movie where the person was like oh i wish i could see this movie again with the eyes of an ignorant child who doesn’t know about ableism yet and i could just love it uncritically for it’s aesthetic…. and they used all this annoying flowery language and i was like ohhhh my godddd shut up!!! like some of us understood even as children that there was something deeply Off about this story’s portrayal of disability but a) i don’t think that’s something to necessarily brag about. and b) it’s literally useless to explain to ppl like this that not all children are stupid idiots with no social awareness just because THEY as children were stupid idiots with no social awareness. anyway whatever, so like yeah there’s the ableism but that’s not even my problem. like sure we could call it problematic that this child has like. either been gaslit into thinking he’s dying by his father and servants who want to protect him. or WAS actually diseased and dying and fresh air cured him. i’m not certain how i’m meant to interpret that plotline, i assume the first one because it makes more sense, but it’s not like explicitly clarified so i’m not sure. anyway we could talk all day about that being problematic but like who cares. sorry that sounded dismissive. i mean like, we all KNOW it’s bad. so like no one is going to have any revelations i mean. like no one is out there romanticizing the secret garden thinking wow my disabled child who uses a wheelchair because he has cerebral palsy just needs to get some fresh air and sun and he’ll miraculously be cured!! like no one. is thinking that. that’s not something we need to like worry about. MY thing is that mary is the protagonist but also like. not the main character, and THAT’S what bothers ME. because we think of this story as being a little girl’s story of like healing and growing and becoming a better kinder person. but essentially all her character growth happens to service her weird incestuous cousin. like she becomes kinder so she can help “fix” him essentially. she brings him and his father together and then her cousin tells her he wants her to marry him because he views her as his property. and they’re like eleven. and yeah he’ll grow out of it it’s not like in any way implied that HAPPENS it’s just like. the fact that this whole time she’s viewing him as a potential friend and family member who she can help and put her energy into doing something positive for another person, and he’s viewing her as property. like he thinks it’s her JOB to help him. he doesn’t see the depth within her.
this post is so long tumblr made me start a new paragraph because i hit a limit. wow. anyway we keep talking! like i know that it’s well written in that way and the original book probably does touch on some of this critique of colin’s patriarchal privilege and his shallow view of mary, but i just know that most of the audience isn’t thinking about this. like they’re watching this movie and it’s like. cool garden! and what. we’re just not talking about how much we hate colin. because i fucking hate colin. she should have let him die idc!! and like the only way he becomes a better person or recognizes his privileges is through mary teaching him and fixing him and pouring all her energy into his life so HE improves in both body and mind and he gives NOTHING back to her. the story just places this little girl in this ridiculous mothering role and it just doesn’t sit right with me. i’m not trying to call it problematic or anything because like i do understand the themes at play. helping her cousin and tending the garden and letting herself nurture something instead of destroying it is huge for her as a character and it helps her let go of a lot of the anger and resentment she’s had towards the world and everyone in it her whole life due to being neglected as a child. and i adore her i really do. i just wish that she had someone taking care of HER as opposed to her having to find meaning and purpose in her life through taking care of others idk.
anyway that’s my piece <3 i wish people saw the secret garden as more than just an aesthetic movie about a garden because i really do think this story is worth actually viewing critically, and seeing it through this naive lens of Ooh Cool Garden! is just such a disservice to both the story and yourself tbh. um i still don’t like it but on this rewatch i did come to appreciate it more than i ever have. a little princess is still better though. ok xoxo peace and love on planet earth i’m sorry for how long this is i just have a lot of thoughts and things to say and i LOVE stream of consciousness posting. ok bye <3
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boogiewrites · 2 years
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hiiii! so i started Hindsight's Always 19/84, have to finish the rest later bc i’m at work😭 i couldnt wait until then to tell you how much i love this!!!!! first of all, boy dad eddie?!?! first time seeing this & oh my godddd, i didn’t know i needed that! the bath scene was so precious, them rocking out & little teddy screaming his heart out🥹🥹& i love how easy it was for eddie & reader to get that connection again & open back up to each other. which makes me wanna ask (ik i didn’t finish yet so sorry if there is any) but are you thinking about incorporating flashback scenes? anyway, i stopped at the beginning of the chuck e. cheese scene. this work day is gonna be hard to get through w this fic on my brain, i can’t WAIT to finish it🤣 i can’t wait to see her interact w teddy & her seeing wayne again bc we love wayne!! which just reminded me “how’s my other baby” so cuteeeee!! okay byeee, keep being great!!💕
Thank you for the love!
There's plenty left for you after the bit you finished with, don't worry!
I don't think there will be literal flashbacks. You're going to get snippets from inner monologues about their past. There will also be conversations they have about their past together.
I didn't want to skimp on the dad/son together moments because I figure if you're reading a dad Eddie fic, you want that parenting cuteness. So I'm trying to indulge in plenty of that.
Thanks again for the kind words! I truly appreciate the love!
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the-invisible-queer · 5 months
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oh my godddd not zoe myers aka THEE video girl. i just had a war flashback reading that name in 2024 lmao that was literally the og jonas drama, like long before nick and joe started fucking around pissing off the pop girlies left and right there was fuckass zoe and her pink bob wig, wooing kevin off his feet on the year 3000 video set and bringing endless SCANDAL with her (by this i mostly mean a bunch of pictures kept leaking of them partying with her wearing skimpy crop tops and/or really short skirts, which is literally the height of outrageousness when it’s 2006 and your fans are almost exclusively sheltered christian 10 year olds. in hindsight this was probably important practice that saved some fans from having actual strokes when nick and miley’s naughty picture scandal happened a couple years later but AT THE TIME WE WERE IN THE TRENCHES LIKE IT WAS SO SERIOUS.) no one who wasn’t there in those oceanup comments reading endless cheating rumors and unverifiable claims from people who allegedly knew her that she was a bad influence and using kevin for fame and his family hated her etc. etc. will ever understand what a fucking gag it was to hear video girl for the first time and realize AT LEAST SOME OF THAT WAS ACTUALLY TRUE AND THEY WERE READING HER FOR FILTH OVER IT???? top ten most scandalized moments of my life to this day tbh like my little ass was absolutely shook. like bro HIS MAMA DIDN’T EVEN LIKE HER 😳😲😱🤯
IVE FOR YEARS ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW WHO "VIDEO GIRL" WAS ABOUT
I thought it was a Joe song - like it was his experience - for some reason
BUT BRO YOU'RE TELLING ME VIDEO GIRL IS ONE OF THE GURLS FROM THE "YEAR 3000" VIDEO?!?!?!
Bruh I don't know any drama from back then because I WAS the sheltered Christian 10yr old fan who only knew how to use Yahoo Music and YouTube to watch videos
I wasn't allowed on any other part of the internet
Honestly I'm so glad to have this fixation reignited because I've gotten so many questions I've had for the past 15+ years answered
I would have gone to my grave never knowing who Video Girl was or who Nick wrote "Jealous" about because I didn't care enough to look it up but it was just a curiosity
Bruhhhhhh
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cubedmango · 8 months
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hi it's kr anon again - first off, happy holidays (if you celebrate/d any of them) and happy new year! (with the bonus of 2024 being the year of the dragon after 2023 was the year of the rabbit, just like with build's two leads 🐇🐉❤️)
and aw it's fine, i'm just happy to know you've continued watching the show, regardless of the gap in time, and well, better late than never right dkwjfnks
and ofc i understand getting sucked into other media interests too, i'm glad you seem to be having fun with your pokemon stuff as well so no worries there <3 but yeah "what the fuck is going on???" truly is the build experience once the plot twists and reveals really hit the ground and get going 😭 [1/?]
(rest below)
ah okay that's what i thought the spoiler you saw was about too (which is why i said to watch eps. 13-16 asap bc i knew you'd be in for a treat, if an angsty one), but i'm glad to see it didn't ruin the whole thing for you in the end jgjdfknvs. that was in fact one of the first things i got spoiled for as well getting into build (thanks wikipedia character descriptions), but i also didn't realize until later on that it would get revealed that early, but from what i now know and have seen of the later plot, it makes sense that they wouldn't drag that part out for too long, and in time you'll see for yourself too 👁️👁️ but yeah literallyyy that had got to be top 10 anime betrayals... like just. the apparent bald-faced lying to the rest of the gang, especially to sento and misora, with that whole convo in ep. 13 between him and sento where the latter was already suspicious of isurugi after his call with nabeshima and he asked about stuff like isurugi's supposed part-time job ("kinda hard to tell which is your main gig"... god if you'd only known just how right you were in that moment sento), and they ended up reminiscing the good old days from when sento was first brought to nascita and how he first transformed into build and became a hero bc isurugi asked him to lend them his strength, and then isurugi said he basically considered them a family now and an eavesdropping misora also smiled at the thought... oof. ouch. and it's even more painful when you consider that isurugi had seemingly been cleared of suspicion already in like ep. 4 or 5 after sento found the panel from pandora's box hidden in the basement wall and interrogated him over it, only for the show to turn around and go "sike! it's actually even worse than you thought!" several episodes later 😭😭 [2/?]
and like. it really worsens so many things in hindsight you know? remember when isurugi claimed he arrived barely in time to save sento from the poison stalk hit him with and to bring him home to nascita at the end of ep. 3 and the beginning of ep. 4... lol. gaslight gatekeep girlboss king who lives for lying straight out his ass. ofc that whole convo between isurugi and banjou where the former tried to get the latter to understand sento's mindset (similar to some of the later convos between misora and banjou) and sento being the way he is bc he was trying to be the kind of person he hoped his past self was, but that he was also carrying a kind of loneliness the rest of them couldn't imagine or something like that (the very same scene i remember you shared screenshots of before)... like wow the reason isurugi himself understood sento's issues so well is bc he's the one who put him in that situation in the first place. then there's stalk suggesting to gentoku after that fight they had in the forest that if he were in gentoku's position, he would use 'someone with no ties to the government' (basically implying sento as build) to retrieve pandora's box the way stalk himself had already been using and stringing along sento. and like basically how well stalk was able to manipulate and predict pretty much every single move on sento and co.'s part ("just according to keikaku" moment) bc he was right there watching them at home all along... godddd. like talk about one hell of a mastermind 😞 (on a less related but funny note: i think it was from an earlier episode but i can never forget that time isurugi told sento "you know i don't eat pasta and i'm too scared to use bidets, right?" bc what even could have been the context for the latter... and was that even a genuine fear of his or was he faking that too all along? 😭) [3/?]
and the way one could see the suspenseful build-up in sento's suspicions of isurugi throughout ep. 13, e.g. bc of how stalk could predict the styles of and find ways to counter all his forms except for the latest one, octopuslight, that he developed without isurugi's knowledge, and then how stalk made his escape without putting up more of a fight; how isurugi was conveniently absent from nascita right after that very fight (basically that meme like "have you ever seen isurugi souichi and blood stalk in the same room? no? exactly"); how isurugi's talk about being a family with sento was already being belied by how he was no longer around to welcome sento home anymore unlike the early days, but misora was the one to greet sento in her dad's stead after having been so worried about him willingly walking into a trap earlier, indicating that she was sento's real family (also: academy award to isurugi for the way he acted all surprised seeing pandora's box in the nascita basement honestly 😭). and just the very fact that the gang suspected for a period of time that katsuragi was stalk, only for the truth of both their identities to be way more gut-wrenching... 😔 however, even amidst the pain of the betrayal, it was definitely one of sento's smartest moves so far to already plan ahead re: the fake bottles to trick stalk (and nanba), so good on sento for getting a genuine w this time that wasn't pre-approved by stalk/isurugi 🙏🏼 (also shoutout to those little flags popping out of the fake bottles with a mischievous-looking chibi sento drawn on them hehe)
and ofc the second confrontation between the two in ep. 14 was very well-done (although when i saw that isurugi was calling sento for the first time after the reveal, i felt very "block his number already dude" hdqkajgfs), like the way isurugi purposely asked to meet with sento in the alley where he'd found him like some kind of taunt and how it was raining just like that first day; sento asking if isurugi had always just been pretending with him, banjou, and misora all along and isurugi responding that not everything was a lie bc they'd actually impressed him sometimes and he'd feel bad for tricking them; sento genuinely getting choked up and angry and telling isurugi to stop joking around... then when both of them threw their umbrellas to the side so they could transform, but it was all out-of-focus, and the sound design in that scene so one could only hear the heavy rain and not the usual jingles made it feel like the truly somber, serious moment it was and how afterwards neither moved for a while, with sento in particular seemingly frozen, hesitant to make the first move in attacking isurugi/stalk... man they got me good there 💔😭 [4/?]
and the way sento soon got overwhelmed during the fight and stopped defending himself as he flashed back to all the times he thought isurugi had been helping or looking out for him, and then stalk took advantage of that to beat him up and he then detransformed and fell over 😭 then when sento said "i can't do it... of course i can't do it...! the person who made me who i am... it was you! thanks to you, i was able to keep a hold of my humanity. i believed in you! you saved me! and now... how could i beat you?!" like dude that really is fucked up as hell. bc god did isurugi literally make him as a person, right down to giving him his name - and since 'sento' means 'rabbit tank' like build's base form, it's now recontextualized as isurugi doing the whole 'naming your gun "gun"' thing huh 😭😭😭 but man i'm pretty sure this is one of the first scenes in the show that i genuinely teared up at, bc i could feel how genuine the heartbreak was 💔💔💔 (and ofc credit to the writer, director, actors, etc. for pulling those scenes off so well that even though i already knew they were coming, they still hit me bad watching those episodes the first time 😭) the additional reveal though that isurugi was primarily just trying to get misora to purify more bottles bc she wouldn't have done so otherwise after discovering what faust wanted to do with them (like what she told banjou earlier) and that's why he came up with that elaborate and convoluted scheme that involved sento 'playing' build... can 'fucked up' even begin to describe this shit too? [5/?]
but well said fucked up revelation did lead to sento's very inspirational speech afterwards about how the ideals of justice that he and banjou believed in hadn't been an illusion and so even if isurugi had been manipulating him the entire time, he still needed to protect what was important to him and that's why he had to beat isurugi, so thanks for that ig cobra man? 😭 and ofc there was the unveiling of sento's first major power-up form, rabbittank sparkling, which yes, everyone has had their time affectionately making fun of for basically being pepsiman (though that was definitely on purpose on toei/bandai's part since there was even a joke sorta referencing that in hei gen final that i remember from the first several minutes i've watched of the movie), but in all seriousness, it's cool that it essentially represents sento reclaiming build's power for himself away from stalk's use of it and him 🥹 and hope you'll also enjoy seeing the rest of his (and banjou's and the other riders' too) power-ups, most of them are just as neat and symbolize more significant points in their character development 👀 [6/?]
also dw, the questions you brought up re: the reveals from ep. 15 will be (mostly) explained by the next episode lol. speaking of gentoku, it's kinda funny to see that he and isurugi/stalk are kinda divorced now bc the latter's hooked up (lol) with nanba (old man yaoi... i'm sorry djfkhwcs), but like 1 episode later, they're back to being begrudging allies before isurugi does some shit that pisses off gentoku again lmao. but also agh the stuff with misora and her dad in this episode... like if the sento and isurugi stuff wasn't already a shot to the heart, this one almost shatters the whole thing 😔 the way it started off with misora saying "dad... when he gets back, he's in for a shock" re: the government raiding nascita for the box and then the look of guilt on sento's face, and when she did end up confronting isurugi later on, you could see that even she was suspecting already that he might have been up to something terrible due to his whole disappearing act, but said she was ready to accept the truth of it, and how it appeared like he might actually do as she asked, especially when he did admit he hadn't been honest about the part-time job, but ofc he ended up lying to her again, using the coffee growing thing as a poor excuse :/
then misora acted like she accepted the explanation and she was now all fine and relieved about it, but then it was clear that she continued to sense something was off, even if she couldn't seem to tell exactly what, highlighted by her only starting to cry and falling to her knees as she broke down sobbing after her dad left :( and when she told him, "even though a lot of scary stuff has happened... all i can think of is that time you didn't flinch at all even though you'd just bonked your head on the door, or when you'd tell terrible jokes, or when you'd laugh too loud. the fun stuff is what comes to mind first. that's why i think, no matter what happens now, i will treasure those moments forever. so... thank you." the dramatic fucking irony of it all... a bullet to the head would be less painful at this point build T_T and isurugi didn't even do the bare minimum of like pretending to comfort her by hugging her before he left... give my girl a real hug 2k24!! (or 2k17 might be more appropriate, since that was the year this aired) [7/?]
(also you can really tell isurugi's in evil mode now huh bc he's totally dropped the porkpie hat, glasses, and apron look which had made him look like a goofy and eccentric but still lovable uncle type of person lmao) though overall idk if i would have actually been able to predict both the blood stalk and katsuragi twists if i had gone into the show blind like you, but since i did watch it with that knowledge already, i was able to spot the hints and moments of foreshadowing and damn some of them were pretty obvious with hindsight (e.g. isurugi being absent from nascita shortly after fights with or scenes showing stalk, the close-up on the coffee beans at the end of ep. 12 after sento's call with nabeshima during which the latter revealed stalk's identity, sento being brought to tears by mrs. katsuragi's omelettes for a seemingly inexplicable reason, sento having the same hairstyle as katsuragi but not satou tarou, the fact that sento was a scientist like katsuragi but showed no inclination whatsoever towards music like satou) (also: ngl that shot in ep. 15 where sento in rabbittank sparkling form jumps up then kicks gentoku into the wall and he lands on the ground and slowly stands up with the fire from the explosion blazing behind him was sick as hell... build can really deliver aesthetically too 🙏🏼) [8/?]
kwjekgafs yeah that pantomiming scene between sento and banjou while misora and sawa were freaking out over the date thing in the background was truly some peak build humor in that a-bit-weird-but-it-works kind of way, and i'm also obsessed with the implications of sento and banjou apparently knowing each other well enough by that point that they could already communicate using their own sign language like that 😭 also the concept of dumbass gym bro banjou who is very amenable to bribes of protein >>> plus that romantic sparkles filter when banjou officially 'asked out' misora and then him having to drag her out bc she became woozy from not being mentally prepared... lol (though that makes me wonder if banjou did actually get his protein (plus banana?) in the end... hopefully sento remembered to do so in between eps. 14 and 15 or something kjfeshcds) [9/?]
also some other standout comedic and/or cute moments to me from this batch of episodes: when they tried to lure sento out of the basement with the smell of his favorite food like a cat and it actually worked; banjou putting 2 fingers to his temple to show how seriously he was mulling things over even though sawa only used 1 in reaction to misora saying it would be weird for katsuragi to be stalk and thus be supposedly the mastermind behind his own 'murder'; sawa reacting in embarrassment and covering her ears when sento said that surely a spy like her would know how to get into nanba's facility despite it supposedly being secure; banjou's delivery guy (i think?) disguise for his and sento's scheme to enter nanba's facility; banjou then getting in sento's way after they simultaneously transformed and were about to run in and sento unceremoniously smacking his head to shove him away; "get a move on already!" "these fingers are thick! it's hard to type!" "use your pinky, man! the pinky!" and the fact that banjou's tip actually worked (but tbh, i did like that moment for showing that while sento is normally the genius and banjou the dumbass, sometimes the latter can just use his common sense for things that the former may overlook or overthink); banjou subsequently trying to break down the door when the code sento typed in didn't work, sento covering banjou's face and saying "stop trying to solve every problem with brute force!", and banjou going "hey, i can't see! i can't see!"; "so you opened the vault just to tell us that?"; the fact that they just apparently covered something as valuable as pandora's box in bubble wrap on their way home from the facility (also sento being all like "i'm like dropping hints that i think owner is blood stalk" "i think owner is blood stalk" during his convo with banjou); and sento, banjou, and misora using the cash register money to buy a fancy dinner for themselves (and you could even see they put u-tan at the table with them lol) and isurugi acting all bewildered and exasperated over it also it was a very brief scene immediately overshadowed by isurugi's theft of the box and the bottles but it was cute seeing misora and banjou asleep, with the latter being partly under the kotatsu and hugging u-tan (i think it's the security stuffed animal for the nascita main trio atp), though that does beg the question as to where sento and isurugi normally sleep too (but also like how was isurugi so careless as to not check that sento was actually asleep that night... i mean i guess that was kinda the point that he underestimated sento after having had him fooled for so long, but. still); the fact that isurugi used a karakusa-pattern (i'm suddenly reminded of the faradays from aa lol) bag to hold the box and the bottles as if practically screaming to the world that he was a thief; "why do i have to run while doing the introduction?!"; the fact that even isurugi got exhausted from running and had to stop and sit on the ground while he and sento talked it out but also the audacity he had to even try asking sento to forget what he did; that "no misoras allowed" sign on the fridge door and an annoyed misora deciding to go to sleep right there and then on the counter (even if the context was decidedly angsty); that whole sequence with sento using poor banjou as a guinea pig for his experiments with the bottles for the power-up item while he hid behind a metal shield the entire time even when shit exploded and sent banjou flying backwards or even electrocuted him; "how do you like my-" "invention? your sixth sense, on the other hand, is faulty!"; and whatever the hell banjou was supposed to be disguised as during the karaoke 'date' with misora
and this wasn't exactly meant to be funny but i like that sento explicitly said "from here on... the man i knew as isurugi souichi is dead" bc wow adbks (assigned dead by kiryuu sento); the fact that isurugi doxxed gentoku's identity as the real night rogue to sento and banjou for extra drama even though iirc gentoku didn't even appear in that episode; the ep. 15 recap where banjou asked where they would get money now that isurugi had left nascita and even sento was unable to answer, and then he tried to change the topic but banjou told him not to play dumb; sawa bonking banjou on the head with what looked like a cartoon hammer for being noisy in that secret base they were cooped up in; sento covering the entirety of the lab in equations in trying to finish the sclash driver data and banjou being covered in papers but apparently hating all of the math so much that it made him want to barf; "ain't i great? ain't i awesome? ain't i a genius? yeehee!"; sento and banjou being disguised as a doctor and nurse (?) at the hospital for their attempt to meet with gentoku's dad's guards (banjou's hair here in particular was so... help); that one scene at the hospital as well where sento was in the suit bent over and shaking his ass - when he was trying to retrieve the box i think - that was probably just the suit actor having fun messing around for a bit; gentoku angrily confronting isurugi over him not getting the box back despite their agreement and the latter said there was something really important he'd needed to pick up and then he showed off the coffee beans, and gentoku threw the container away in disgust and isurugi acted all offended + "are you trying to screw me?!" (that sure is. some choice wording, at least translation-wise) "hey, i love this jacket! quit trying to wrinkle it up, please!"; and banjou carrying an unconscious misora piggyback-style after that fight with gentoku 🥺) [10/?]
on a more serious note though, the angsty vibe during misora and banjou's second 'date' was </3, due to banjou already knowing about her dad but being unable to tell her and misora talking about how faust had been making her purify bottles at first but then she was unable to do it after a while due to her horror at learning of faust's true purposes for them, and it was a pretty sobering moment, only to be broken by the return of the 'your fly is open' gag lmao. bit of a whiplash huh and yes banjou in that scene was 🥺❤️ the way he showed up right in time to stop stalk from killing (or at least further hurting) sento, and how he's got sento's back so he readily offers to fight stalk in sento's stead, and the way he says he's now angrier at stalk for lying to sento and misora than for framing him for murder... he really is growing into a better, more selfless person and who is settling more and more into his role as sento's trusted partner augh. and whoa i didn't really think of it that way when i first watched this episode (even though i know i was the one who first brought up the ryusen-narumitsu parallels some time ago) but thank you for opening my eyes to the narumitsu-isms of that scene in particular bc like woof. it does feel similar to phoenix offering to defend edgeworth in court and to go up against mvk on edgeworth's behalf huh (though atp, sento and banjou are more genuine friends already than phoenix and edgeworth were at that point in the series but like. the vibes are still there) [12/?]
and speaking of that! now you're getting to see more and more of the edgeworth-sento comparisons i brought up before huh, plus what i mentioned about sento's identity crisis that could rival edgeworth's (though definitely sento's is a bit more extreme and fantastical in context) 👁️👁️ like in light of the big reveal, one could definitely start drawing parallels between edgeworth & mvk's relationship and sento & isurugi's re: terrible older male mentors who may not have super explicitly acted as fathers but were nonetheless father figures of sorts who took these guys in after the latter experienced a traumatic event, and who greatly molded the guys in their current careers to serve mvk and isurugi's own agendas, but both edgeworth and sento are initially unaware of that and so they just feel grateful to their new father figures until the truth comes out and then they are sent reeling and wondering if anything that they did actually mattered when they were being manipulated for so long and had played right into the older men's hands, and if they could possibly still continue being a prosecutor and a hero of justice, respectively, when those paths had been laid out for them for corrupt purposes 😔 (plus ofc there's mvk and isurugi both already having daughters who'd eventually become younger sister figures to these guys). though tbf to isurugi, he's way better at acting benevolently compared to mvk (which makes sense as the former being a bad guy is meant to be more of a genuine plot twist than the latter, and mvk's whole thing is that even though he's clearly an asshole, as long as phoenix/the player can't actually prove him guilty, he wouldn't be punished for his wrongdoings). also now i'm hoping someone else might be able to see my vision of isurugi as the sexier version of mvk 🙏🏼 djfkwrjsgas
also yep, we're getting more misora screentime but at what cost to my girl's mental health 😔 and sawa too, with her now being in on the truth about isurugi even ahead of poor misora and subsequently helping the guys out with getting info on him and the like... man so much has been happening and piling up huh. and ofc, i can only tell you to wait and see re: what's going on with sawa, but i'm 90-99% sure you'll like how things will play out for her for the most part 👍🏼 though tbh, iirc her appearances over the next few episodes in particular are sadly kinda on-again, off-again, but when she *is* given her moments to shine, she does serve well, so thank god for these few but still delicious crumbs i guess 😔 and yeah like i said before, kasumi definitely still pops up here and there even after ep. 11 (haunting the narrative and all), so at least banjou doesn't actually forget her in spite of what she told him in her letter, and as for him being able to avenge her or not, well stay tuned :-) [12/?]
and i hope you watch ep. 16 soon too bc it has one of the defining ryusen moments ever, while ep. 17 has one of my fave sento & misora rabbit sibling moments T_T and the next few episodes definitely have a lot more great (if mostly angsty) ryusen scenes, but then again, that's basically the whole show at this rate so no real surprise there lol also there's actually a funny cm/kr build tumblr post i wanted to share with you, but it makes a reference (vague but still) to the hei gen final movie which you've said you aren't planning to watch for a while yet and so you might not be able to immediately get it - i'll still link the post though just in case, so read at your own risk ig: tumblr . com/kabutoraiger/635644615155924992/i-want-adachi-and-banjou-to-swap-places-for-like-a [13/?]
and you're welcome :-) i hope my explanations didn't end up being confusing though, so if you want anything clarified, don't be afraid to ask me for it 👍🏼 and well you're right to tread cautiously re: the misogyny but also i hope i didn't permanently scare you off trying any other kr though - like i hope didn't make it sound as if most other kr seasons are super misogynistic 😭 it's more that in a franchise like this, where they have yet to even seriously consider making a woman the actual lead (i'll elaborate more on this in a while), it's (sadly) kinda expected that each season would contain some level of misogyny bc *joker voice* we live in a society and all, but usually it's like a regular amount of misogyny, and there are only a few seasons i'm told are actually that terrible towards women
in fact, there's this one particular veteran writer whom kr/toku fans have a love-hate relationship with that i had in mind for this phenomenon - toshiki inoue, bc i've heard he can write some pretty banger concepts and characters and he does have a good grasp of the core appeal of toku after all these decades even with his known idgaf attitude towards properly integrating toy upgrades into his shows' narratives, and many people just can't help but want to tune into the batshit shenanigans he loves writing that who knows if we should truly be impressed or bewildered by or a bit both, and i've also heard even a lot of his female characters tend to be interesting and memorable on their own. but he just apparently gets caught up too often in his misogynistic tendencies to ultimately do said women justice (especially when he involves them in his classic soap operatic love dodecahedrons - like seriously almost every toku show he's been the head writer for has featured one), and to the point that his brand of homoeroticism is infamous for generally being 'so misogynistic it's gay' (and so it makes perfect sense that he was the head writer for the death note anime bc he and the mangaka tsugumi ohba sure do have major similarities on those fronts lmao). so a lot of the 'woman fails to transform bc she's a woman' stuff is apparently from his seasons (like the aforementioned kiva from before, which i meant to say aired in 2008-2009 and not 2007-2008, my bad), but i've heard a few other non-inoue seasons still pull that shit like in drive, so it's still pretty unfortunate overall :/ and ofc there's gaim, the season directly preceding drive, which was written by gen urobuchi, and while i don't remember if it pulls the 'failing to transform' trope for any of its female characters, by many accounts urobuchi's own reputed misogyny definitely still rears its head here so 😩 [14/?]
as for those that do feature well-written (or at least better than expected/usual) female characters, iirc seasons like kuuga, ooo, and fourze are still worth checking out, with kuuga in particular being considered one of, if not the peak of writing kr women in the heisei era (with some thinking that part of it is bc only the protagonist himself ever gets to be a rider, so the rest of the male and female characters who are all non-riders can be more equally balanced in their writing), which is probably an aspect of what gave it the reputation of being a classic toku masterpiece, but also sad in a way since kuuga was the very first heisei show, meaning none of the succeeding 19 shows were able to surpass its female characters' writing and well. disappointing but also not surprising 😔 in the reiwa era, so far there has definitely been more effort put into making women at least tertiary riders, but again, it doesn't automatically equate to great writing, as i've heard people complain about yua from zero-one's wasted potential (though i think part of it stems from the reduced number of episodes and other covid restrictions the last third of the show faced since it aired in 2019-2020, and thus her storyline got reduced) and people had mixed feelings on how neon from geats' arc was wrapped up. sakura from revice is probably the luckiest of them in some ways, and an aspect of that is definitely that she is the first major female character to have substantial heated drama with another woman, but her arc still suffers a bit because revice as a whole is apparently not very well-written, so sadly we still don't have a superb variety of choices here... [15/?]
and on that note, i recently learned that revice's head writer hanta kinoshita had actually actively pushed to create kr's first ever female protagonist for the show, but toei almost immediately shot him down (part of their reasoning was that they didn't want to rock the boat too much with their audiences given that japan was still slowly 'recovering' from the pandemic at the time in 2021, but still. eh), and that info definitely recontextualizes why sakura was written like that, like to the point that some did feel she was a far more compelling character than the protagonist and her older brother ikki. even if revice overall may not have been fantastic or something, i still have to give some credit to kinoshita for even trying in the first place and for exerting way more effort with his women than like 90% of kr's other writers to date you know? and oh for sure i understand that you want to reserve the movies for after finishing your main series viewing, so go ahead :-) and hope you'll continue to enjoy the twists and developments! build certainly is one wild (if still generally coherent at least) ride, i can say for sure 😳 and that's also understandable, i myself plan on watching the cm anime at some point (but only probably after all the episodes are out and not while it's still airing), and may you have fun watching it too 👍🏼 [16/?]
aw it's always neat to see the media creators we like have their own interests and hobbies which they feel comfortable enough sharing with the rest of us, especially if it's something we like already or something we're about to get hooked by, and ig the cm mangaka is no exception to that :-) and well since you're past ep. 15 already, you'll definitely be meeting the parasocial guy soon, so good luck lol. and i didn't know that she generally kept up with the cm j-drama's actors' filmographies (bc i thought that maybe her watching build was the exception due to it being a popular toku show, like i'm definitely not as familiar with her as you are) but it's cool that she's generally known for being enthusiastically supportive :') actually, i kinda slowed down in my viewing pace again since i sent you my last batch of messages, partly due to family matters, so i'm unfortunately still stuck in the early episode 40's and can't fully judge yet if i agree with the assessment that the plot kinda stumbled here 😔 but one of the latest episodes i watched did have a scene that's now in my top 5 ryusen moments and it's just. gah. shogo muto what do you want from me 😭 also this character development i'm seeing for [redacted] is 🥺... they've truly come so far 🥲 and we're definitely delving more into sento's past now, and i think i like most of how it's been handled so far, so 👍🏼 [17/?]
but yeah it's unfortunate re: what happened, and given the circumstances, the fact that the show still generally stuck the landing is commendable, but regardless. that won't stop one from imagining alternate realities where the staff had been able to actually execute the storylines they'd planned, and how much of the show's flaws would have been genuinely improved by that you know? and that reminds me, since you got to that point already, i'm just gonna reveal that one of the actors who got sick and wasn't able to return to the show was mrs. katsuragi's, so yeah we're sadly not getting a more in-depth exploration of her relationship with her son(s) after eps. 7-8 😔 rest assured that they don't kill her off in-universe though and they still do mention her at times, and while i don't think she was ever really planned to have a major role in the story, it's highly likely that muto did at least want her to meet with sento again, even if just once, so that's kinda bittersweet in hindsight. oh well, what's done's done, but yeah and since i'm still not yet done with the show, i'll just say i'm planning to finally finish hei gen final and then watch be the one in between eps. 45 and 46 since that's when the latter is supposed to take place anyway, and then i'll only watch the stageplay and hei gen forever after the finale. and i wasn't really interested in them before, but it looks like i'll probably be watching most if not all of the webseries and other specials at some point too bc i discovered that a lot of the stuff i saw in gifsets and videos in build's tumblr tags are from those, and in general there's extra content of characters like misora even if it's not really plot-relevant and are sometimes of questionable quality (especially the adult-oriented specials which i've heard can get pretty brutal for seemingly no reason other than the staff having the freedom to put those more 'mature' scenes in 😬) so yeah, i'll take whatever i can get [18/?]
so yeah in light of that, i still can't give you my actual thoughts on the ending, but i am certainly very excited to get to it bc i just know it will emotionally wreck me in the best way based on everything i've heard 😁 and like i've said before, good luck and have fun with the rest of the series! ❤️ and well if you ever decide to actually go through with your ideas for build fanart, i just know you'd be able to cook up some crazy good ones, so looking forward to those in that case 🙏🏼 and ofc feel free to doodle to your heart's content with whatever references you might like to use - though you don't have to share those on here if you want, especially if you'd prefer to post the full/finished drawings later on instead 👍🏼 and hope you did have a great 24th birthday then with your loved ones, and til next time! 😊🎉 [19/19]
hello again, just some more updates from kr anon: i have the viewing pace of a turtle, so i only just finished watching be the one after finishing ep. 45 of the main show (i know i previously said i was planning to finish hei gen final before getting to be the one, but i was too impatient to see the ryusen agenda in the latter so i decided to skip the former for now and just go back to it once i complete the entire show, along with watching the stageplay, hei gen forever, etc.) 😅 but boy did the movie deliver on that agenda (as well as showing how much sento loves his friends and family in general and his continued dedication to heroism against all odds 🥹), and obviously i shouldn't spoil anything but let me just mention that there's a rain scene set to a music box rendition of the show's theme song and it's just... extremely tender and romantic 🥺 like wow muto and kazuya kamihoriuchi (the director) probably ascended to another plane of reality while making this movie man 😭 and the plot may not necessarily be the most solid bc they were probably trying to make sure it wouldn't tie back too much to the main story, but the emotional core is there and that's what really matters <3 (and there was also plenty of gorgeous cinematography/visuals and cool fight scenes, etc., plus an obligatory teaser cameo for the protagonist of the next season zi-o) [1/4]
as for eps. 40-45 and my own thoughts on how they handled the arc there - now i can say that i do agree with those other fans about it feeling weaker compared to a lot of the previous arcs, and there were some moments that came off as pretty sloppily written to me and which even frustrated me ngl. however i still didn't hate it as a whole, and whatever annoyances i felt were not enough to be a dealbreaker for me to stop watching - i just think there were aspects which could have been better handled. and don't let that discourage you either, because there *were* still a lot of stuff from these episodes that i did like/love, especially the found family/friendship + ryusen moments and the goofy scenes involving a certain character and their quirks (and it was technically in an earlier episode that it debuted, but i also liked seeing what i consider sento/build's best and most visually pleasing power-up form in action in this batch of episodes), and ofc you might enjoy it more than i did due to differing perspectives and all, like maybe there were even more positive elements i ended up overlooking that you'll appreciate it did leave me wondering though if some arcs in the show's last third got shuffled around, and just how much did certain parts of the story truly get reworked to accommodate those sick actors' absence, among other possible production issues and factors like the toy upgrade schedule, bc although i do think muto generally did his best to smooth over things to continue making the narrative feel as cohesive as possible, i could still sense some of the gaps so hmm... but again, don't feel too discouraged, as you can pass your own judgment once you get to this part, so don't take me as the end-all, be-all critic of everything in this series 👍🏼 [2/4]
anyway some (non-spoilery ofc, or spoilers only up to the parts i know you've seen) build tumblr posts i think you'd like (sorry most of these are from the same user, but well they're really good and funny): tumblr . com/gojurt/697131236415684608 & tumblr . com/gojurt/706925590203301888/was-reminded-of-the-ryusen-blingee-i-didnt-post & tumblr . com/gojurt/696688485489360896/kamen-rider-build-impression-sento-banjo-we-need & tumblr . com/pleuvoire/654578565791285248 plus some ryusen fanart: tumblr . com/marialagidyne/701322016120242176/drawn-05092022-i-also-had-to-draw-this-out-before & tumblr . com/shadents/165364572298/cant-get-over-each-time-ryuuga-shrieked-because + this post featuring some promotional images for the show: tumblr . com/t-u-i-t-c/727115932819980288/tokuvn-kamen-rider-build-character-book-no0 + some cute bonus merch: tumblr . com/r4bbitdragon/694409740645777408/anyways-for-builds-5th-anni-behold-these-kicks and there's another ryusen fmv i discovered, though it's best watched once you're done with the show + be the one since it contains spoilers for those: tumblr . com/shirleyjakcson/654666138019594240/i-dont-know-about-this-power-of-science-stuff-you [3/4]
also i know you're probably more into the cm anime atm, so no pressure re: continuing your build watch or replying to me rn if you're not yet in the mood - just hope you're loving the anime so far <3 like i said before, i'll probably watch the anime too but only after all the episodes have aired bc i don't have the patience for weekly watching rn so yeah 😔 anyway, by the time i share my next updates, hopefully i'll have actually been done with the whole show and the main extra material and thus i'll be able to do a fuller review (non-spoilery as well ofc in case you're still not done) of build for you, so i'm looking forward to that :-) [4/4]
kr anon i return!!!! a super super late happy holidays and happy new year to u too, i hope ur jan has been going well (unlike mine, i fell sick earlier 😭) and that uve been enjoying the show if uve continued watching those last few eps and the extra content 👀
yeag the cm anime brainrot got to me as expected (it is. So good already ougghh) so i didnt end up watching as many eps of build but i did manage to catch up to ep20 (forgor to take screenshots this time orz) and girl What the Fuck are these Plot Twists its like being slapped across the face every ep whay. is going on .??????? theres a whole another amnesiac kamen rider (which makes me wonder if the 3rd section of the country also has one of their own) AND theres even more bottles AND banjou + sento both got extremely concerning upgrades AND utsumi is alive AND misora has healing??????????????
speaking of the new guy i see what you meant about the parasociality now tho so far im. honestly kinda finding it funny like imagine signing up to fight these other ppl but ur fav idol is on their side so u let them go like kjkjgdf??? but his deal is intriguing so far w him having memory loss too and the other guys basically being one bad punch away from dying too.......... (also idk why but his actors face looks familiar to me tho i dont rlly rember seeing him in any show before........i dont wanna look up anything rn so guess ill find out later jgjfd)
but god. the fambly moments theyre tearing me apart like the sento-misora-banjou cycle of doing all they can for each others sake im Sick? Im Sick????? sento and misora being called each others only family IM SICK???????? banjou wanting to stop the war for sentos sake I AM SO SICK??????????????? what was up with that gay ass ryusen flashback montage at the end of ep20 what do they want from me . why show me that before making them fight AGAIN like i am So worried abt the next ep u dont even know 😭 also def seeing what u mean abt the sento and edgeworth parallels now good LORD the identity crisis is real out here.?? like going from being an amnesiac -> potential murderer -> guy who made the manmade horrors can he catch a break holy shit
also obligatory sawa mention bc i am so obsessed w her shes So cool . literally carrying the team tbh like where would they be without her and her car !!!! rlly excited to see where things are gonna go w her from here on too aaaahhh
seeing ur comments abt the eps from 40 onwards carefully........ honestly im kind of used to medias w suddenly declining quality nearing the end by now so if u hadnt explained what happened w the crew and stuff i still honestly wouldnt have been super surprised but given the circumstances it sounds like they handled the whole thing a lot better than just doing the bare minimum to get the show over and done with (which is the brand of endings ive seen too much of) but yea im still looking forward to getting to those last few eps! still a while for me to go tho i gotta survive the whiplash of these current eps rn 😔
and dw im not put off from trying any of the other kr shows or anything afjdhsjfdhf tbf the misogyny in the writing sounds veeery typical so again nothing im not already used to seeing unfortunately,, just sucks that in such a long running franchise theres still so much pushback from studio higher ups against having women in the lead or getting them properly written but alas . we rlly do live in a society...... maybe in the next kr show after the one thats airing rn (<-has no idea what the one airing rn even is)
anyway!!! if uve finished the show by now then lmk what u thought im super curious abt ur opinion akfjkdjf i am trusting whatever u say u are my senpai in the realm of kr....... i will try to speed up my watching too tho uhhhh tsukutabe s2 is also starting now so ummmmmm . the combo of that and cm might be holding me back for a while im sory-
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mekatrio · 1 year
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gawd i really am contemplating rereading kagepro ughrvsbxbsjjfjdjdk. like god ayano randomly wanting to murder mary is kinda slay now in hindsight but at the time of release it literally came out of left field and the snails pace updates did not help like godddd. what. also saeru's new outfit was ugly as hell.... im so tempted to read it. dbwnxbxbcksk
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shieyuq · 6 years
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so inigo leaned in and gerome was like “dsfjhsdkafhksjdfhakjsdf”
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rahleeyah · 3 years
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re the girl gentleman post: when i was younger before i realized i was a lesbian i used to fantasize about putting my hand on the small of a woman's back or pulling out a chair for her.
and then thought: too bad im a girl. i guess i just want those things to happen to me
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godddd this is such a mood??? spending your formative years staring longingly at other girls and trying to rationalize it away until it finally hits you in the chest you never wanted to be that girl you just wanted to be with her.
funny story when i was about seventeen i had a dramatic "breakup" with my best friend with whom i had a super toxic relationship and who i was definitely, definitely in love with and it happened at church and i literally ran away from church, drove home, and was such a wreck i just parked my car at a funeral home and started to walk the rest of the way home, crying - a very nice lady actually stopped to ask me if i needed help that's how fucked up looking i was - and looking back on it i'm like. listen. you know what that was.
hindsight is 20/20 and all
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