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linkspooky · 3 years

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Dabi’s Self Suicide

I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but Dabi is someone who has a tendency to make things about himself. In the League of Villains which is identifiably a group dynamic, Dabi takes every available opportunity to insist that he is alone, he is just along for the ride. A single man, with a single conviction, should be enough to change the world. He has a tendency to act like he’s the most important one here, he’s the one whose going to bring an end to hero society all on his own and yet at the same time he has no sense of identity. He has no self. He doens’t even have a name. Hawks asks him his name and he literally responds with [redacted]. I think this paradox of Dabi’s is at the core of figuring out who he is, and who he is not.

1. Father Feelings

There’s something important to understand about Dabi, and just like always it starts with the family. I don’t think a lot of people realize how truly unfeeling, callous, cold towards Dabi Endeavor really was. I know we all, even I have used the golden child / scapegoat dynamic to describe Dabi and Shoto, but one important detail is that Dabi wasn’t always the scapegoat, he was the golden child at first.

More important than Endeavor’s own feelings, is Dabi’s in this flash back. From the start, Dabi thought he was a normal kid in a normal family. He thought he had a normal dad. He even liked his super cool hero dad. Dabi wanted to train with him, wanted his attention and time, but these are just things a normal kid wants.

However, Dabi was conceived of for very abnormal reasons. From the start, going into the whole affair, Endeavor’s intentions were wrong. Dabi was expected to carry on Endeavor’s legacy for him, he was the center of his attention, the center of his world. Dabi tried his best to carry all of those expectations as much as he reasonably could.

However, there is literally nothing Dabi could have done in that situation to satisfy Endeavor. It’s not even about being born with the wrong quirk. It’s Endeavor who was wrong. From the start, Endeavor wasn’t interested in having a child or loving a child, but rather having a miniature Endeavor, Touya was just a vessel, to carry all of Endeavor’s hopes and dreams and live vicariously through him. However, that’s impossible.E ven if Touya had been born with the right quirk, that was impossible. You can’t live through another person. Touya’s success never would have been Endeavor’s. Endeavor would hae resorted to the exact same abuse, manipulation, control. Touya was never meant to be his own person, and that’s why even now, even becoming Dabi who is the rejection of everything Endeavor is, he still forms his entire personhood around Endeavor. It’s not that kids choose to form their personhood around their parents, they have to form themselves around their parents, we literally learn how to be people by interacting with other people especially during the developmental years. The same ones that Touya died during.

Endeavor’s actions towards Touya is that he not only made Touya carry all of his emotions for him, he made Touya bear the brunt of his hurt feelings, all of his expectations, but then when Touya couldn’t carry them He blamed Touya. He tossed him aside. He made Touya feel, that something was wrong with Touya, and that was why he was no longer getting his father’s attention. It’s not anything Touya did, or anything Touya could do about, Touya was literally born wrong.

It’s literally what he crawled to Natsuo asking. Yet, still Touya tried to fix himself. He was the golden child, now he’s the scapegoat, and Touya feels he did something wrong, so he keeps trying to fix himself, keeps trying to train on his own, and it doesn’t work because it could never work until it results in his eventual suicide and then how does Endeavor refer to it.

Touya was just another tragic accident. Just a little mistake, along the road to creating Shoto. I’m not trying to explain away any of Dabi’s actions, just explain the way that Dabi regards himself, rather, Dabi literally has no sense of self at all. It’s been completely smashed to pieces. It’s ash. it’s dust. It’s just gone. Dabi’s name may as well just be [redacted]. There was also once a time that Shoto worried that he was more like his father within himself, but he got help from the people around him to realize he’s his own person, help that Dabi never got.

2. Sins of the Father

So it’s like a genetic trait in the Todoroki family to be completely self absorbed, and dense to the emotions of other people, to the point where you don’t really see other people’s feelings. Like father, like son, like other son. However, Endeavor’s just like that, whereas Dabi and Shoto were made that way. Imagine what it was like to be Shoto, to be constantly told, you’re different from them, you’re the special one, you’re the chosen one. To the point where you couldn’t even play with your siblings, or be a part of everyone’s normal lives, no you were forced to be special. Shoto is oblivious to other people’s emotions because he was literally forcibly separate from other people, and even his mother who was his strongest emotional tie during literally most of his developmental years.

Empathy is literally formed by interacting with people. You can’t form it or even have it, if your interactions with people are cut off and severely limited. You learn about how other people feel by normal social interaction, something that both Touya and Shoto were eventually cut off from. Touya from dying, Shoto from his mother being hospitalized. After that their ability to form connections with others was severely hampered.

One funny thing about Shoto is he kind of acts like he’s the protagonist of his own narrative. So does Bakugo. That’s why he goes “Get out of the way all you extras.” Shoto’s the one with the tragic backstory. Shoto’s the one with this motivation to defy his father’s wishes. However, Shoto’s not the main character, he’s not the hero of the story, and it’s actually important that he’s not because the literal setting of the story is a society where everyone has the potential to be a hero. Kind of like how the point of Miles Morales story is that everyone can be spiderman. Shoto, also doesn’t really want to be a main character, or special boy, all Shoto has ever wanted was to connect with his siblings, to have the normalcy that everyone else has. In a society where everyone, even his own father is so desperately trying to stand out, Shoto wants the safety and security of normalcy.

So you kind of have this paradox in Shoto’s head. Shoto kind of thinks of himself as a main character, even though that’s not really what he wants to be, just because that’s what’s been forced into his head the entire life. The emotional isolation of an abusive parent still ahs an effect on you, even when you’re aware, like Shoto was, that what Endeavor was saying was wrong. No one can grow up properly in isolation, that’s why kids need to interact with other kids and grow up together.

So, I think the utlimate explanation for Dabi’s attitude towards the rest of the league is this. I’m the main villain. I’m the biggest threat. I’m the one who is going to bring an end to hero society all on my own.

Once again this ties back to Shoto’s trauma, and Dabi’s. Touya didn’t want to be the special one, he was forced to be. Touya thought he was a normal kid, with a normal dad until he suddenly wasn’t. Then, Touya tried his hardest to be the special one until he literally broke his body, and his dad went no nevermind, turns out you were an extra.

Saying Dabi is just doing this for Endeavor’s attention is oversimplifying. There’s a need to give a narrative to pain. Shoto even does it. Shoto literally narrates his life, he dumps his life story on everyone who will listen. People who are traumatized, want to give some sort of special meaning to their trauma, they want to feel important, because that in some way might justify what happened to them. If they can’t feel loved, they can try feeling important, like someone who mattered. Otherwise, Dabi is literally just someone who died and got forgotten. Otherwise, he’s just a sad little mistake, the same way his father regards him. Dabi can’t let the league in, because he has to do this on his own to prove he’s special.

Dabi has this very individualistic and self centered approach to changing the world. He has to do it all on his own. He has to play mastermind. He was to orchestrate Endeavor’s rise and fall, and once again these are coping behaviors. Touya couldn’t control his abandonment, he had no agency in that, so he tries to pretend he’s in control of everything now. Even Dabi burning himself, his self-harming,it’s pain he’s in control of because he’s doing it to himself, father isn’t forcing him to train until he breaks anymore.

Shoto sees himself as a main character. Dabi sees himself as the main villain.

However, at the same time. Dabi hates himself. He loathes himself. It comes out in his self loathing behaviors, but more than that every thing Dabi does is an act of self destruction. Dabi has no feelings, no friends, no family, because he’s trying to destroy all those things.

Dabi has no sense of self, because Endeavor has ruined him to the point where he’s still Endeavor’s empty vessel after all these years of separation from him. Dabi has no self, and also he doesn’t want one. He doesn’t want to grow past this point.

Dabi has entirely fictionalized his life. That’s why he makes a dramatic reveal. Hee wants to turn his life into a tragedy, where he is the main character, where he is the one that Shoto and Endeavor cannot save. Because at least this way, he will not be forgotten. Unable to grasp for love, he tries to grasp for some kind of improtance, to change the world instead. In that scenario, it makes sense Dabi would distance himself from the league. I don’t think Dabi knows what his true feelings towards theleague are. In fact, I don’t even think he thinks about them. Who cares about what his feelings are? They are entirely separate from what he must do. Any feelings he has, any regrets, are going to burn away when he explodes like a bomb to ruin his father’s life.

Dabi’s wavering motivations, his constant flipping between different emotions, like he’s channel surfing, I dont’ believe we’re supposed to read into every single thing he says, but rather notice how constantly he’s changing what he’s saying, because Dabi has no stable sense of self. We’re also supposed to see why he has no stable sense of self, because he’s all alone.

This is the climax of Dabi’s big revenge play, it was supposed to end here, with the tragic protagonist dying. However, I think it’s actually really important in this arc that Dabi gets upstaged. Dabi is not the main character, Dabi’s not even the main villain. He’s not even the only character whose the descendant of a hero. It’s also, really important that Compress is the one who upstages his reveal.

What’s that? You thought I was a background character! It turns out I had this important motivation all along. The pacing is weird but it does achieve the intended effect. Dabi thought this was his moment, but that was actually bad for him. Dabi’s main flaw is that he tries to do all of these things along, but he’s not the only one who dreams of a better world. Dabi, Toga, Shigaraki, Mr. Compress says that all of their dreams are important at the same time. They are all simultaneously main characters.

Dabi doesn’t get to have his moment, but I think it’s narratively important that he didn’t get to have it, because Dabi does no favors for himself by cutting himself off from the league. It’s meant to be a character flaw, Dabi shouldn’t get his revenge play, because his revenge play ends up with him dying at the end to spite Endeavor one fainly time. Dabi can’t achieve his dreams, because he hasn’t figured out who he is, or even who he wants to be yet. He just knwos what he doesn’t want to be. He just knows what he’s not. He’s not Endeavor. However I don’t think there’s going to be some big twist reveal about his character where he’s like, I secretly cared about the league, or my family all along, I was secretly a soft guy at heart. Those feelings are there. It’s not a problem of being unfeeling with Dabi, rather that Dabi has no central sense of self to stabilize all those feelings around, thus we see him swinging wildly back and forth. I think while Dabi obviously has feelings towards both of those groups of people, a self is something he’ll have to develop over time when he finally introduces himself to the league. When he’s forced to live, past the tragic ending of his play.

Who will Dabi be when he realizes he has to live past his imagined revenge, who can he become? I think his development from this point will be incredibly interesting to wait, watch and see.

#touya todoroki #dabi #lov meta #mha meta #bnha meta #league of villains #league of villains meta #todoroki touya

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dahniwitchoflight · 3 years

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Homesquared Chapter 16

Alrighty, that was a fun tangent, now back to John it seems?

Oh, no, Narration of John (So Actually Dirk, speak of the devil and he shall appear and all that etc etc)

“ leaving John with one final touch on the shoulder. John leans into it in response, though he’s a bit ashamed of chasing down a sliver of physical affection so soon after obliterating Karkat’s evening like he had. “

pfft lol so Im not the only one that thought it would be funny if that scene was interpreted in a Pale Romantic light, even though that really wasn’t what was happening

OIh! but we still get Roxy, just the other version of Roxy

Roxy subtly being like “hey!! shit has apparently gone down, were not exactly close atm but I feel bad about you dying to want to know if youre still alive so im gonna message you while trying to make it look like i dont care about it as much as I do”

JOHN: trying to align my memories of my youth with whatever is happening right now so

and the wonderful question is, what IS going be happening with you now John?

Roxy looking nice and casual, but also yeah narration, why are you making this ominous, its not like Roxy’s out here to double spy on behalf of Jane, I don’t think Roxys on her side THAT much

ROXY: may have to do a smidge more if my old bff decides im next on the list for bombing out

ROXY: but so far so good

ROXY: just a coupla exploded cars in the yard from some shenanigans our dear son and his friends were in but u kno it is what it is!!!

Roxy once again being a master of hiding how shes feeling, even when trying to open up, feeling pretty stressed about whats happening with Jane, understandable, the exclamation points give it away lol

The narration is really trying to make John nervous though

OH lol that was the implication haha no lol John it obviously wasn’t that

“John feels his shoulders unbunch. Of course. Yeah. He’s almost embarrassed by how relieved he feels. So what if his ex wife wanted to hook up? Shouldn’t that be a situation he could navigate? Don’t people like to find solace in human physical connection during dire times? Why did the idea of it make his mind white out in panic more than, say, any number of the traumas he just experienced? He doesn’t know, but he believes Roxy that he must look pretty haggard. He probably feels haggard? Maybe sitting down will feel better.“

lol once again, Dirk has no idea how to read Roxy at all and just trips over himself and his assumptions XD

Yeah, looks like Roxy not on the Jane train and is doing some takesies backsies, shes glossing over her feelings on the matter still though, I know thats par for the course of how Roxy tends to handle stuff too but I wish shed open up a bit more, but maybe shes playing the smart game, yknow, knowing that Dirk has a hard time reading her, so glossing over stuff is how you protect yourself against the narrative force, confusion and vaguery in the narrative and her actions only helps her to keep control over it, because at any point, you can decide to “clear up” any narrative “miscommunication” or “confusion” and lay down what is it thats actually happening with you any time you want

Void working in the behind the scenes to do what they want

JOHN: like it’s my HOUSE.

JOHN: but mostly it always felt like my dad’s house?

JOHN: and when i started living there after i moved out of here, it was like i crammed myself back into whatever was left of my kid self?

JOHN: and it didn’t feel good, but it at least was familiar, you know?

JOHN: like living there let me feel closer to my dad, trying to be like the way i remember him, or like how i remember him wanting me to be, or something?

JOHN: and i didn’t realize how much i hated doing that until i saw it all go up in flames.

JOHN: so i guess i could have used my powers to stop the fire and save whatever was left of the place, but i couldn’t bring myself to do it.

JOHN: like some fucked up part of me was glad i got there too late?

JOHN: so i just sat there, watching, trying to figure out why watching my house burn down felt like i was being released from prison.

JOHN: and even now i keep trying to explain it away, as though it’s because of how fucked up everything else is that it made me feel good.

JOHN: but that’s just bullshit.

JOHN: it DID feel good.

JOHN: i DO feel free.

JOHN: sorry.

ROXY: no need 2 apologize

ROXY: we just delved in2 my whole gender thing last time so it seems fine for u to have a turn

JOHN: i didn’t say it was a gender thing.

Im pretty sure you’re talking about a gender thing John, like, very 100% sure now this is what’s happening

because if you were actually a girl, of course you’re dad leaving all these notes about how one day hes gonna be so proud of the man youll become, yeah, that can feel a little pressuring, even if your dad didnt mean it like that, since he was unfailingly the kind of dad just bumbling around trying to understand their kid as best they could and leave encouragements everywhere, thats what his intent was, but all his notes come off a bit wrong in particular issues

remember the note under the fridge that was all like “SON. IF YOURE READING THIS NOTE, YOUVE FINALLY BECOME STRONG ENOUGH OF A MAN TO PICK UP THE FRIDGE.” not exactly that but that was always the vibe Dad’s little notes always had

Yeah, i can see how John would view it as a bit off, but if he hadnt the self awareness to realize it was a gender thing at the time, hed be understandly confused as to why such a thing would bother him

now though, he’s realizing, maybe, he doesn’t exactly want to be the man his dad always encouraged him to be

John does seem a lot happier here in his convo with Roxy than he did on his own when the house was burning, that conversation with karkat left me wondering if John was about to start dissociating he was so down, but here he says he feels freeing and happy about it?

ROXY: but like now that u mention it

ROXY: *meaningful pause*

JOHN: …

JOHN: i

JOHN:

John’s beginning to question stuff, or acknowledge that he’s questioning stuff, cuz it’s true, and hes feeling happy about it, in a way that he wasnt before, but he hasnt quite connected the dots here between the happy feeling and what exactly he has to be happy about

ROXY: aight then no wind bending just use your mangrit

Roxy flexes, the corner of her mouth pulled up into a familiar grin. John feels his guts, so recently calmed, twist up into knots again. Her eyebrows shoot up and the smile loosens. He must have shown something on his face.

ROXY: ok or just like push when i push

ROXY: we both got sick muscles

ROXY: no other adjectives necessary

JOHN: yeah ok.

Yeah Roxy’s 100% picked up on it, and maybe Dirk has as well if the narration is commenting on it

Alrighty then, to the secret lair under the bed!

oh I just noticed how kind of cute and interesting Roxy’s nickname for Harry is, “Lil H A” Harry Anderson shortens to Ha like laughter haha

and if Harry had Roxy’s last name, it’d be Harry Anderson Lalonde

Lil HAL

lol what is Callie doing under Roxy’s secret bedchamber XD

This whole secret bedchamber thing is turning into one big metaphor isn’t it?

That thing behind the curtain kind of looks like the Attic Portal shape from Hiveswap though

that’d be neat if that was it, like obviously we knew one of the cherubs had to have something to do with that portal just going by the design of it alone

Honestly it makes sense that Callie is doing it under the curtain of Roxy’s Void, it’s honestly the safest place to do something like that

lol Calliope has grown past writing fanfic about shipping and being in love, now the drama of broken relationships and divorce is all the rage XD character growth? haha

CALLIOPE: besides, hUman divorces are even more fascinating than i had ever imagined, and being able to witness yoUrs in motion was an honoUr.

CALLIOPE: so i consider Us aboUt even at this point.

Calliope just burned him harder than his childhood home’s destruction

CALLIOPE: ah right, right. yoU're probably a little cUrioUs as to where the dickens we are.

have you been talking to Jake lol (I mean, probably Original Grandpa Jake tbh if that portal is actually the portal)

Alright so John is getting caught up on the major plot points, Earth C is indeed in the large black hole, his choice didn’t matter since both choices happened anyway yadda yadda

CALLIOPE: think of it like a coin flip.

CALLIOPE: the series of events that led to Us being trapped beyond the event horizon of an Ubermassive black hole could be considered "tails", while the events which would have occUrred otherwise could be considered "heads".

CALLIOPE: since both were possible, and paradox space is the way it is, they actUally both happened. and we jUst "happened" (hee hee) to get tails instead of heads.

yup yup yup pretty par for the course of timesplits in homestuck so far

CALLIOPE: not at all! since both possibilities depend on one another's existence, it really doesn't make sense to call them "right" or "wrong". they both just "are".

yup, this is true, the ending’s of both referenced the others, so it’s disingenuous to say one is “canon” while the other isn’t

one is simply in the realm of actual possibility, the other is in the realm of unlikely possibility

More than likely, John would have chosen to leave and go die and be the hero like in Meat, but there was still the possibility that he would stay, even if it was unlikelier than the other, but since both were possible choices for him to realistically make, both actually happened for real

CALLIOPE: anyway, the reason i went on this tangent in the first place was to explain that the space we are standing in right now has a special significance, in that it is the location which corresponds to the black hole's singUlarity

that’s interesting, so there’s the original meteor that crashed into the surface of Earth C, and it’s in here that the singularity of what I don’t wanna call the Green Hole to match the Green Sun when I wanna talk about this specific Black Hole lolol

but yeah, here in this meteor lies the crux of the paradox it seems, interesting, also interesting again, this is where that Hiveswap Portal is

Hiveswap does have a plot point of “Joey must do thing in 11 days otherwise Earth and Alternia will be destroyed” and the only known destruction event of Earth and Alternia so far in canon is the Green Sun’s Creation from the destruction of both universes (and then later Callie’s destruction of the green sun into the black hole) so is Hiveswap gonna be a factor in the green sun’s destruction/creation as well? (Joey has the symbol of the Green Sun for a reason, I’m super curious as to what factor Joey has in relation to the Green Sun’s Existence, We still don’t know what the fact those black monsters are too, they’re like nega-first guardians, the kind of things that look like would come out of a Black Hole that came from the Green Sun tbh)

It’s all inter-related I tells ya

ROXY: ur not gonna enter a weird time vortex and change the trajectory of a little girls life with the power of love

JOHN: aw.

You say that now but

CALLIOPE: it's not strictly speaking "bad" for Us to be inside of a black hole, mUch thoUgh that contradicts most of what anyone knows about them.

CALLIOPE: of coUrse, if we had fallen into it, that woUld be a whole other kettle of fish.

CALLIOPE: the tidal forces woUld have stretched Us all into spaghetti and then ripped us apart!

CALLIOPE: bUt the natUre of oUr arrival was more akin to simply "being" here, sUddenly. one moment we were not, and the next moment we were, and somehow always had been.

yeah that’s basically how this multiverse’s reality works, the future is a thing that already physically exists, just in a different location in the universe somewhere else

time travel and spacial teleportation could be said to be the same thing all along

that’s why violating the events of the future has actual consequences, because its like asking to go somewhere that doesn’t exist but how has to exist because it’s the future, too much of that and reality starts cracking at the seams to make room

same thing happens with sessions and playing sburb

the planets and dreaming moons and all that simultaneously have always existed here, and started existing only because the player played the game and the planets were generated upon entering a session, but to the player involved, it looks and feels like you are just being teleported to a different location in the universe, because you also kind of are

CALLIOPE: i mean, the natUre of space and time is a little finicky in here, bUt for the most part it doesn't seem to be anything too oUt of the ordinary.

CALLIOPE: bUt beyond that, it means that we are sealed away from the rest of existence.

CALLIOPE: oUr sphere of inflUence is limited to the sphere of the black hole's bounding horizon.

CALLIOPE: as far as everyone else is concerned, we might as well not even exist!

So you’re just in a little seperated bubble, that’s not connect temporally to any other place of existence, you aren’t anywhere in the past or the future of anywhere else

nowhere leads here, and here can not lead outwards either, theoretically, and yes it exists, so it must also

JOHN: is there no way we could let anyone know that we're in here...?

CALLIOPE: almost certainly not!

CALLIOPE: there are very few ways for anything to escape the kind of predicament that we are in right now. one of them is to be an all-powerfUl being with control over the very fabric of space, with the energy of two Universes at yoUr disposal.

CALLIOPE: in which case, escape woUld become rather trivial, if a little Unscientific.

JOHN: ok. i am going to assume that we can't just do that.

CALLIOPE: yoU've hit the nail on the head, UnfortUnately. U_U

CALLIOPE: the method i described was the one employed by my alternate self, who yoU may recall crashed through the event horizon in the body that once belonged to jade harley.

CALLIOPE: she departed through a pUnctUre she created in the black hole's surface shortly after consUming my brother, a deed which provided her with the necessary "oomph", and which was frankly rather breathtaking to watch. =u=

CALLIOPE: bUt Upon her departUre, the rift closed for good. as far as i can see, there's simply no way for Us to commUnicate with the world oUtside the black hole.

CALLIOPE: i woUld certainly be very sUrprised to find oUt that anyone had managed sUch a thing!

So someone else definitely has managed to do such a thing

JOHN: knowing that we're inside of a black hole... does that actually change anything?

JOHN: like, can't we just go on living like normal?

CALLIOPE: oh absolUtely not.

CALLIOPE: i don't know if yoU've noticed john bUt this world is on the brink of a total cataclysm.

JOHN: oh.

CALLIOPE: oUr exclUsion from the overarching coUrse of events which governs all reality means that oUr existence here is liable to dramatic and violent Upheaval.

CALLIOPE: to pUt it another way, becaUse nothing in here "matters", we are likely to be sUbjected to things which are a bit bats in the belfry, for no reason other than it's totally insignificant to the wider canon of reality.

CALLIOPE: and mUch thoUgh i am personally titillated by some of the conseqUences of this predicament, it is a degrading way for Us to live. u_u

JOHN: that's... certainly one way to put it, yeah...

yeah, so because here in the black hole neither affects the past or the future of anywhere else, being so disconnected, they are technically free of the reigns of the Alpha Timeline that exists elsewhere in the multiverse

the Alpha Timeline now being understood to simply mean, The Narrative

Things are the way they are because they are thus written to be so

CALLIOPE: at first, i believed that this was simply necessary. Us playing tails to oUr coUnterparts' heads, the black to their white, and so forth.

CALLIOPE: bUt over the years i have come to the conclUsion that this is simply not kosher.

ROXY: its total bs is what it is

CALLIOPE: right, yes.

CALLIOPE: a steaming pile of bUllshite.

CALLIOPE: and so we have decided that something needs to be done aboUt it.

Hmmm. It’s a dangerous idea to be playing with for sure, to decide all the black pieces in the game of chess suddenly become white, it is a very flip turning of reality upside down to be sure

To be honest, I’d think you’d need a powerful Doom player at your disposal to even try something like this

or actually, a powerful Doom user would be most likely to shut this entire thing down, knowing how bad of an idea it’d be, maybe it’s more you need a powerful Life player to do something like this instead

is that also why Dirk viewed Jane as an ally then? She would technically have the kind of power to upend the black and white doomy laws of reality if driven to her full potential, i mean obviously yes, we know this already because of the candy colored I-can-do-whatever-I-want-with-no-consequences lollipop

Is this what Calliope hopes to achieve with the Hiveswap Portal then? her goals for Joey and friends are to be the ones to prevent their universe’s twin destructions, and thus the Green Sun’s initial existence and then also the destruction into the Black Hole after the fact? that would be one way to prevent the Black Hole from existing, making it so the thing that creates the black hole never exists either

and that's certainly a canon event that would be difficult to tear asunder without major consequences

That would be a “Re-writing Homestuck from the very beginning” level of canon event

And if I’m correct, Joey is theorized by me to be a Mage of Life, if any classpect at their full potential was gonna do something like that, or have the impossible knowledge to something impossibly paradoxical like that, well..

ROXY: but u dont need to worry abt busting us outta space jail tbh

ROXY: thats not ur problem to fix

JOHN: oh.

JOHN: i'm... not sure i follow, then.

ROXY: i mean yeah ur gonna obvs facilitate it in a sense

ROXY: but only by going and busting the person who can actually help us outta normal earth jail

CALLIOPE: we need yoU to free vriska from the clUtches of oUr misgUided friend jane, and bring her here, to the singUlarity.

ROXY: weve been calling it the plot point

CALLIOPE: yes, the plot point is a key part of oUr plan.

CALLIOPE: as far as we have been able to sUrmise, the only remaining method for escaping oUr grim confinement depends on leveraging the UniqUe properties of this location to create an event of sUch catalcysmic proportions that it simply cannot be contained within the black hole any more.

CALLIOPE: something SO dramatic, so hyper-relevant, that it becomes ontologically impossible for anyone to ignore it.

CALLIOPE: for that, we need an individUal of sUfficient narrative cloUt, so to speak.

CALLIOPE: and to liberate her, who better than the embodiment of the aspect of freedom itself?

I mean yeah! makes sense! Johns major factor here is Freedom, Vriska’s is Importance

and yeah, I can think of no other wholly dramatic event that to mess with stuff with the Green Sun, everyone will have eyes on that, they have to, their whole existence the way it is relies on it

But, they could also mean something else, its only condition is that it has to be something so imflappably impossible, something so not-canon and so outrageous that it basically horse-shoes around to the other end of the canon spectrum to being something that truly exists again

and that could be literally anything and it’s nerve wracking and exciting to see what thing theyre gonna come up with to just directly kneecap Homestuck itself

ROXY: thx babe

ROXY: oh is it 2 soon for that joke or

JOHN: no, weirdly enough, that one’s fine.

(yeah that’s because Babe can be construed as feminine June)

so, I’m basically convinced they’re doing June Egbert now

that to me was like, pretty severely on the nose

John: Hey Roxy, what it does mean when you find a sense of freedom when all of the symbolism of the masculinity surrounding your childhood burns down around you

Roxy: idk It’s probably a gender thing man

John: I didn’t say the word gender-

Roxy: It’s ok babe no pressure, we can hash it out later

John: Hmm, later then. :)

Roxy: (Turns and looks towards the camera with a knowing smile)

shit all that imagery makes me think of Roxy as that picture of the small kid smirking at the camera while a house burns in the distance XD

#Homesquared #june egbert #john egbert #yeah theres no way there not gonna bring up June Egbert as a apossibility now #Roxy couldn't have quirked her eyebrows harder at the fourth wall if they had tried #Homestuck #I'm basically convinced now lol #that plus my reaction to chapter 14

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the-starless-sky · 4 years

Text

The Cat’s Whiskers x Akan Yatsura / “JUSTICE” voice drama part 2

Exams ended...!! Hello I am alive...!! And very (not) ready for “PRIDE”...!! T_T

“JUSTICE” Part 2

Yohei: So, you bastards… under whose orders did you come here?

Mobs: We’re not working under anyone! That kinda thing doesn’t matter, just cough up the cash, fuckin’ bastads!!

Iori: Tch… so they’re just punks.

Oi, we’ll let you off today, so get out.

Mobs: Don’t look down on us! If ya don’t give us the cash, y’all gonna get hurt!

Yohei: You’re letting them go? You really have that soft spot on you.

Iori: There’s no helping it. No matter what you do, guys like these won’t even get you 1 yen.

Mobs: Makin’ a fool out of us...! You shitheads! Urrah!!

(Mob punched Iori)

Yohei: You bastard... what the fuck did you just...?

Iori: Leave it, danna. I’m fine.

Yohei: Don’t think you can leave unscathed after laying your hands on Iori...!

Mobs: Bring it on, get me!!

(Yohei and the mobs fight)

(The mobs fall down and cough in pain)

Iori: Danna. That’s too much.

Yohei: Huh? Oh. Sorry.

Iori: Well, then...

(Iori forcibly pulled one of the mobs up)

Mobs: Ahh... ah!

Iori: You bastards. Learnt something, didn’t you?

If you pick a fight with real yakuza like us, you ain’t getting away just like this. Understand?

This time, we’ll let you off like this. Be grateful, won’t you?

Mobs: Y-yes... we’re very sorry...

Iori: Haha. Even so, danna. You really overdid it.

It’s gonna take lots of time to clean this up.

Yohei: Sigh. Small fries making us waste so much time.

Jeez, what a pain.

Saimon: He-eh, you were very rough, weren’t you, Yohei.

Yohei: Well, ‘cause that time I didn’t have any brains but physical strength.

Zen: If it’s physical strength, then I, too...!

Cough. Then, where does the maneki-neko comes in?

Iori: Wahahaha! Oh yeah, right.

Then, a few days after that uproar, we got called to Boss’s office.

We went in high spirits, thinkin’ we’re gon’ get a reward or something, but...

Yohei: Jeez, that damn boss messing around like that...

What the hell’s with giving us this maneki-neko!?

Iori: Hahaha, our guess were wrong, huh.

Yohei: We protected the shop’s name and loaded customers, so he could’ve given us something more... you know!?

Iori: Well, it’s probably simply because he didn’t have anything prepared. After all, those guys suddenly came to our face by themselves and then left just like that. Seriously, it feels like we were wheedled out of it cleanly.

Yohei : Well, when he just up and smiled like that, as he said, ‘I have high expectations for you’, there’s really nothing else we could say.

Iori: Right.

Well, we’ll answer his expectations, quickly get lots of money, and make the boss, us, and the Suiseki group, everyone all merry.

Yohei: Haha, yeah. Let’s do it. I’m counting on you, maneki-neko.

Iori: Ya shoulda said ‘partner’ right there, like, ‘I’m counting on you, Iori’!

Yohei: Oi, oi, you’re talking like Boss now.

Iori: Haha. How was it? I look like Boss when I talk like that, don’t I?

Yohei: No way. Stupid.

Iori: Haha.

Yohei: Hahaha.

Saimon: So that kind of thing happened, huh, Yohei? I didn’t know at all.

Zen: To think that that maneki-neko was a gift from the Boss...

Iori: How’s it!? A real good story, ain’t it?

Zen: Yes. A lot of things happened in the past, wasn’t it.

Iori: Well, that’s ‘cause we’ve been workin’ together for almost all the time.

Yohei: It was a story from really long ago, though.

Iori: Come of think of it, at that time there were those Alter Trigger Company guys too, weren’t there?

Yohei: Hah. What unpleasant connection, seriously.

Iori: Seriously an unpleasant connection, it is.

Yohei: Hm?

Iori: Danna, ya also heard of it recently, right? The Alter Trigger Company name.

Saimon: Why do you guys... that...?

Iori: Hahahaha! If ya work in this industry, ya gon’ hear lotsa stuff.

Yohei: And? How much do you know?

Iori: Nah, I dunno the details, but I only know that this bar’s ‘bout to be bought... and who’s gonna buy it.

Yohei: As expected, news travels fast to you.

Yeah. To protect this place, we have to get the one billion.

But this and that have no――...!

Iori: And that’s the deal. So, y’know anything about Paradox Live and Alter Trigger, danna?

Saimon: What are you trying to say?

Iori: The sudden buy-out uproar and the opening of Paradox Live. Plus, the winning prize is exactly the amount of money that y’all needed, one billion yen. Don’tcha think it’s too good a scenario for mere coincidence?

Saimon: In short, Alter Trigger Company is connected to all of it... is what you’re trying to say, is it?

Iori: Who knows?

Saimon: But... No, don’t tell me... that kind of thing is...

Yohei: We’re... being manipulated?

Iori: ‘Sup with that... seein’ that reaction, y’all don’t seem to have any info.

Saimon: ...

Iori: Seems like it’s a fruitless effort on our part. Well, let’s just say I told y’all ‘cause of our old friendly relations.

There’s somethin’ ‘bout this competition. Do your best to be careful.

Yohei: Oi, what the hell’s up about this event!?

Saimon: Anything is fine―please tell us whatever you-

(Bar door opens, and the bell rings)

Ryuu: We’re hooome!

Reo: Big Bro, we’re back!

Yohei: Sigh... seems that the adults’ time ended.

Hokusai: Hey... you said you guys keep cats... where are they?

Shiki: Oh... sorry, we made it so they can’t come into the shop. Right now, they’re probably asleep upstairs...

Hokusai: Even though I brought lots of setarias... [1]

Reo: Don’t be that dejected, Hokusai. Instead, seems like Satsuki will play with that!

Hokusai: Satsuki... really?

Satsuki: Ha? Who the hell wants to play with some wild grass?

Oi, Hokusai, stop looking at me with eyes full of expectations!

Reo: Can’t help it! Then, guess the demon king will do! Heere, come here~!

Ryuu: There’s no way Ryuu will wag his tail to such a grass...

Woof, woof~ Let’s play, let’s play!

Hokusai: Ryuu. Paw.

Ryuu: Woof!

Hokusai: The other paw.

Ryuu: Woof!

Satsuki: No, I told you it’s a setaria! The fuck’s with ‘woof’!?

Hokusai: Ah.

Shiki: U-um, inside of the shop, please don’t...!

Saimon: Haha, it’s alright, Shiki. We’re already closed, after all.

Zen: We’re very sorry that our kids...

Yohei: I feel like I kinda understand your feelings...

Satsuki: Thanks for the food, Big Bro! Raimen-tei’s ramen’s the best today, too! And the change...

Iori: S’kay, just take it, Satsuki.

Satsuki: Seriously!? Is it really ok!?

Iori: Let’s say it’s a tip for printing that one time. ‘Kay? [2]

Reo: Ah, what? Only Satsuki!? That’s unfair! Me too, me too!

Satsuki: Haah!? You didn’t even do anything!

Reo: Haah!? What are you saying? A cute kid like me has a value by just being there. Unlike Satsuki! Right, Shiki?

Satsuki: HAA!?

Shiki: H-hey, let’s not fight...

Satsuki: You ugly! Shiki, back off!!

Shiki: A-ah.... you’re so mean, Satsuki-kun...

Zen: Aah, they’re at it again. I’m sorry.

Oi!! What the hell are you guys on about!!?

(In the background.)

Reo: You’re frustrated, aren’t you~? For not being popular!

Satsuki: Oi!!!

Zen: How many times is it already!?

Saimon: They seem like they’re always fighting.

Iori: Haha. They’re what you call somethin’ like ‘the closer you are...’! [3]

Ryuu: By the way, what were boss and the others talking about?

Saimon: Hm? Oh, just small talks.

Ryuu: Reeeally? Hmmm? Ah, I know!

You guys were talking about the people standing behind everyone... right!?

Saimon: ...!? Ryuu...!?

Reo: What is it, what is it? Talking about ghosts?

Ryuu: No~ It’s a-dults’-ta-lk!

Iori: Oi. Whaddaya mean? Ya know somethin’?

Ryuu: Know? About what? The ingredients of konnyaku?

Iori: Sonny, don’t be boring and say sloppy things.

Ryuu: To pack... [4] like, packing chikuwa and cucumber?

Saimon: I’m sorry. Could you please not press this child with questions?

Iori: O-oh... yeah, ya right. Sorry, sorry.

This sonny... he knows somethin’?

Ryuu: Hee-eey, if ghosts do appear what do we do~?

Satsuki: Hey, Shiki, is this guy always like this? Even in the ramen shop he just keeps blabbering on whatever comes up on his mind.

Ryuu: Shiki’s arm is really white and boney, huh!? Calcium!!

(Ryuu bites Shiki’s arm.)

Shiki: I-it hurts! Ryuu-kun, stop biting me!

Ryuu: Munch, munch...

Reo: Seriously, how could you live together with that? Ain’t it crazy?

Shiki: No, I’m already used to it...

Ryuu: Woof, munch, munch!

Satsuki: Nothing is scarier than routine...!

Shiki: But, he also has a really kind side to him...

Yohei: Oi, until when are you gonna bite Shiki’s arm!?

Ryuu: Oooouch! Master’s bullying me! I’m against violence!

Hokusai: Shiki, are you okay? It hurts, didn’t it? Good boy...

Shiki: Thank you...

Saimon: Sigh...

Shiki: Owner...?

(in the background.)

Reo: Come here, good boy, good boy.

Ryuu: Woof, woof!

Reo: Here, here, here, and there!

Ryuu: Woof, woof, woof!

Shiki: Um, are you okay...?

Saimon: Hm? Why?

Shiki: It kind of looked liek you were spacing out... I wondered if you were tired...

Saimon: Ah... I was just thinking. Thank you for worrying, Shiki. You’re a kind child.

Shiki: N-not at all.

(Iori clapped his hands twice.)

Iori: Well then, it’s already late. Let’s call it a night.

Reo: Yeeees~!

Zen: Even though we said we’ll only have a glass, in the end we stayed for a long time.

Saimon: It’s alright. Come again whenever you want.

Hokusai: It’d be nice if I can meet the kitties next time...

Yohei: Yeah, you can even bring them home if you want.

Hokusai: Really...!?

Reo: No, no. We already have Mr. Monkey in our house, right? By the name of Satsuki!

Hokusai: I see...

Satsuki: Oi, oi, oi, Hokusai! The hell do you mean by ‘I see’!?

Ryuu: Bye-bye, thank you, come again!

Shiki: We’ll be waiting for your next visit.

Zen: Yeah, thanks for the food!

Iori: Hey, brats! Wontcha get outta here fast!?

Reo: See ya~!

Hokusai: Hehe...

Satsuki: Let’s come again!

Iori: Danna. I’m different from when I’m still chasing after you.

Now, these guys’re my family.

So, to protect ‘em too, I can’t lose on stage.

I ain’t gon’ give ya mercy even though we’re old comrades.

Yohei: Heh. Bring it on.

‘Cause we also can’t lose.

No way i’d lose the bar and my comrades.

Iori: Well then, the next time we meet’s on the stage!

Yohei: Yeah. Just you wait.

(Iori walks out of the bar.)

Yohei: Oi, you’re Gazen, aren’t you?

Zen: Yes?

Yohei: Him... Iori, look after him carefully, wont you? I’m counting on you.

Zen: Yes. You don’t even have to tell me that.

Yohei: Heh. I see.

(Zen walks out of the bar.)

Yohei: Well then, now you all go and clean up! Move quickly!

Shiki: A-ah, yes!

Ryuu: Eeeeh?

Saimon: You too, Yohei.

Yohei: Yes, yes, understood, Owner-sama.

Then, Shiki, you clean. Ryuu, get the dustpan.

Shiki: Yes!

Ryuu: Understood!

Notes

[1] Neko-jarashi, setaria or foxtail, the grass you play with cats with.

[2] I'm actually not sure this is his exact words, but anyways it's a tip for doing some kind of chore.

[3] As in, 'you're so close you fight'or 'the closer you are the more you fight with each other'.

[4] Tsumaranai means boring, but it’s also the negative form of tsumaru (to pack).

#paradox live #drama cd translation #translation #the cat's whiskers #akan yatsura

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wickedwitchofthewilds · 4 years

Text

OC Songs

I was tagged by @natsora

Lieutenant Park So-Hee

art by: @seokanori

The Kill by Thirty Seconds to Mars

What if I wanted to fight Beg for the rest of my life What would you do? You say you wanted more What are you waiting for? I'm not running from you

Come, break me down Bury me, bury me I am finished with you Look in my eyes You're killing me, killing me All I wanted was you

Familiar Taste of Poison by Halestorm

I breath you in again Just to feel you Underneath my skin, Holding on to The sweet escape, Is always laced with a, Familiar taste, Of poison

I tell myself, That you're no good for me I wish you well, But desire never leaves

Brave by Sumo Cyco

Losing all control again A paradox it never ends I'm bound to what they've made of me And tied to their authority

I'm fighting off the demons But they just keep on winning Only I know How to brave what's inside of me (Brave what's inside!)

Full Playlist

#tagged #Park So Hee #wickedwitchofthewilds #send the pain below

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manygalaxiesinone · 4 years

Text

Pokemon... We need to talk.

((Hee ho dood! Prinnyfrost reporting for duty! So, remember in my previous post where I mentioned that the only way I would play Sword and Shield is if one of my brothers end up getting the game for me because I refuse to spend a penny of my own pocket on it and not to be surprised if that was the case?

Yeah that happened. Earlier this month, one of my older brothers decided to get the games for both me and him mainly because it’s been many years since we last actually played one together and now would be the chance to do so again since we both have a Switch. Fair enough I suppose. After all the last time we actually played together like this was on the DS.

As in the original DS...

with Digimon!

I was still reluctant to play the game despite that due to a mix of the controversy of this gen’s games as well as loosing interest with the series as a whole, but if you knew my brother as long as I have, you’d know that it’s a tad difficult after he’s set his mind on things like this, especially since I don’t play with him often in general because I’m a salty little shit. Though now that I have played for quite some time, I feel ready to talk about what I think about it and it’s...

just okay overall I suppose. There are things I like about it and things I don’t like. I can’t really say I’m disappointed because I didn’t really have many expectations to begin with, but at the same time I can’t really say it’s a breath of fresh air either after years of playing other main series Pokemon games.

I got more excitement out of Let’s Go Eevee than this game, though to be fair it was mainly out of pure nostalgia because it’s a remake of Pokemon Yellow, the very first Pokemon game I’ve ever played back when I was a kid. Then again, I guess the simple fact that it managed to do so where I was happy for actually spending my own money on getting it makes it more of a success. Not that much though, since it has its own flaws, but you get the idea.

Before I go into everything I’m not fond of (and trust me, there’s quite a bit), let’s start off with everything I actually enjoyed about Sword and Shield.

I am sort of fond of the wild area. Looking at it kinda gives me Breath of the Wild vibes (and despite on how much I’m personally not all that fond of the game, that is a compliment, trust me). It’s a nice little open area to catch Pokemon at your leisure and it just looks damn beautiful to me, though I do wish there weren’t so many specific pokemon that you can only catch in this area in only specific sections and only specific weather conditions,

I’m looking at you Clefairy.

I also like the designs of the new Gigantamax forms. They all look pretty interesting and having some of the moves be changed to be a bit more unique depending on the form is interesting, but that’s all I can say about it since Dynamax as a whole is pretty much just the trainer going

...and that’s it. No type changes and like I said, the more unique skills are barely that unique at all, especially compared to certain Z-Moves that only certain Pokemon can do. It’s an alright addition to the series, but I won’t really consider it a replacement for mega evolution or Z-Moves.

I do like how the title for the championship became more of a contest between trainers. I mean it was already a bit like that before, but not quite as emphasized as it is here. It was actually exciting, hearing the crowed roar in the stadium outside of the actual Pokemon Stadium games. It’s been quite a while since I felt this amped up on my way to facing the champion in a Pokemon game, probably since SoulSilver.

Finally, as for the characters, they’re alright. Some I liked like Nessa, Marnie, Bede, Piers, Sonia, Leon, Allister, Oleana, and even Team Yell to some degree. Yeah, while I don’t find them nearly as entertaining as Team Skull, I do like the fact that Nintendo kinda knows that their baddie teams haven’t been all that threatening lately, so they don’t really bother in this game. Just make them a bunch of people from a town cheering on someone in hopes of getting a better life as a result. That’s pretty neat. Unfortunately, I can’t really say the same for everyone though. I’m not all that fond of Hop, the rival of the game. I don’t outright hate him, unlike my brother. I do like that despite him being the nice rival, he’s still full of himself, so sure that he’ll be the next in line to become champion after his brother Leon and thinks we’re the second banana on this journey. I’ll admit, that did give me an urge to kick his ass, show him who’s the real star of the show, but aside from that he wasn’t that interesting to me. I personally would’ve preferred either Marnie or Bede as a rival over him, but that’s just me.

Chairman Rose started off interesting to me at first, but that heel turn near the end just made me sigh. I had a feeling it was going to happen when I first saw him, but I thought “nah, it couldn’t be.” What really irritates me about it isn’t how he plans on using the “darkest day” to solve a crisis he sees coming in the future. After all, Jin Kazama kinda did the same in Tekken 6, but the fact that he was so impatient to get started on it. Like Leon said, he could’ve just waited another day after the tournament to help reduce the lives that might’ve been loss from this. It’s not like he had to carry out his plan on that specific day or wait a whole bunch more years or something, but no. Let’s risk the lives of many people right now in order to save the city from the potential energy crisis that’s estimated to occur many future generations from now. That and after you defeat him, he’s all like “eh, it’s all good. Go clean up my mess.”

Then there are these two annoying brothers that come bug everyone after you beat the champion. My brother hates them and so do I. A pair of annoying snooty wealthy trainers that says “well well well” too much that think they can get anyway with anything.

Seriously, just looking at these two makes me miss the Paradox Brothers from Yu-Gi-Oh!.

And now here come the things that I’m not particularly fond of. And no,before anyone says it, it’s not them removing half of the Pokedex...initially. If anything, having less pokemon makes it easier to fill up,

though I am still pissed off that the dratini line are among the Pokemon that were removed. No there are other things in this game that I couldn’t quite get over while playing.

One of which is a constant complaint I hear when it comes to not just this, but also other recent Pokemon games, which is the absurd amount of handholding.

Look, I don’t consider myself a hardcore gamer. Far from it actually. I’m not against the ideas of games having options to make things less difficult for newcomers who want to play and enjoy it their first time. At the same time though, my personal pet peeve for games are those that fail to make these changes just that, optional.

In the past, the experience share can be turned on and off if you felt like your party is leveling up too quick and you’re becoming overpowered as you progress. This is something that may help provide more of a challenge for players that seek them. This is a change, in my opinion, is welcomed for the series as it’s an optional easy mode for those wanting to get into Pokemon, but feel they should ease into things first. Also it makes grinding less tedious to deal with in post game. In games like Sword and Sheild; however the feature for pokemon getting shared experience is already implemented and there’s no way to turn it off.

As a result, I pretty much breezed through the game without too much issue except for raid battles later on in the game and the final battle with the champion Leon. I even practically destroyed my brother on our first battle together because of our party’s level differences.

Now I know what someone might bring up, the fact that the system in both Digimon Cyber Sleuth games make things arguably even easier since not only is the experience shared throughout the whole party, but you can you carry more digimon in your party than in pokemon, and the fact that there are items in the game as well as digimon with unique abilities that increase the amount of experience you get, which can all be stacked on each other.

Which is true. I even stated before that I managed to max out all of my digimon in far less time in my grindfest when compared to any pokemon game; however that doesn’t mean that the whole game was easy. After all, that grindfest I did happened in post game. During the game, there were still quite a few battles I ended up struggling with despite the higher earned experience and that’s down to a few reasons.

1. While you can potentially hold up to 11 Digimon in cybersleuth, each digimon takes up a certain amount of space when you include them in your party, and the higher ranking they become, the more space they take up. You can’t start the game right away with 11 mega leveled digimon since the only way to increase your party storage is to get items that specifically does so which can be found in areas you unlock as you progress. 2. Even if you do get your digimon to the required level to digivolve, chances are, it’s not the only requirement to fulfill. Certain stats such as friendliness, HP, strength, ect also need to be at a certain area before digivolving, which the digimon may not be able to once it reaches its max level, thus having to de-digivolve into a previous form in order to get stronger. 3. Even when your digimon have fulfill the requirements, in terms of this game at least, none of the digimon can digivolve straight away. You have to go inside this game’s version of the Velvet Room and select the option for your digimon to evolve. Even then, as stated before, you have to make sure there’s enough room in your party to include your digimon after it evolves, otherwise you’ll have no choice but to either bring it back to the previous form after all that work, or leave it in your farm or digibank until there’s more room made.

These reasons help balance out the easy as hell grinding to make sure the game isn’t far too easy for those seeking a challenge. It may not be a perfect setup, but it is a system I personally prefer over what Pokemon has now.

Speaking of the raid battles, I don’t have much to complain about here, except for one factor that ruins it for me. If you’re playing offline by yourself, good luck with these battles. It starts out alright, not too much trouble, but once you start going against the more powerful Pokemon, you’d better hope you have a friend to play with if you want to win these raids, because the AI here is pretty much pathetic. Their pokemon are so weak that they pretty much die in one hit unless they have a focus sash. Not to mention they sometimes bring pokemon that are completely weak or useless against the raid boss you’re going against. I recall one time when I was going against a Frillish and at least 2 of my party members have water types, one of them only had water type skills as well. I ended up failing it the first time because Frillish heals from every water attack it took, so no matter how much damage I was doing to it, at least one of my allies brought its heath back up. It may not seem like that big a deal at first, but once you die 4 times, and I don’t mean just you. Everyone share 4 lives and once you die, you wait a turn to get revived. Once you die 4 times, you’ve lost the raid battle and have to start over again, which is easy to do since your AI partners will more than likely get one-shotted and certain raid bosses can attack twice as well as use skills that hits everybody. I had to retry catching a gigantamaxed laprys so many times because of this that once my brother finally came home from work, I made him play the game with me so I won’t risk losing in 1 or 2 turns again.

Also, the TRs. Who the fuck though this was a good idea? Bringing back the skill learning items that break after only 1 use and can only be obtained from gathering wattages or grinding in raids. Not only that, but only certain skills can only be obtained depending on what type of Pokemon you fight against during said raids. I got so many Tri-Attacks that I have no idea what to do with them while at the same time, moves like flare blitz, I’ve been holding onto for just the right Pokemon, because I have no idea when I’ll ever get one again. That doesn’t make the game fun, it makes grinding more of a chore.

I was among the people that were against the idea of bringing the damn bike back instead of riding around on our Pokemon like in both Sun and Moon and Let’s Go Pikachu and Eevee. What the hell made bring back one-use only items that certain pokemon can only learn certain skills by using these things was also a good idea?!

Oh yeah that’s right, Nintendo or at least the Pokemon Company decided to turn the Pokemon games into a big mystery box from now on, with certain features being either added or removed with each release.

It’s kind of like what Jim Sterling said. The Pokemon business model has always been shit, ever since arguably Red and Blue, which even I have pointed out the issues in having multiple versions of one game when I made my “Everything Wrong With Pokemon: Yellow Version” parody sometime back. It’s only just recently that fans have been pushed to their breaking point to such a degree with the DLC being implemented with Pokemon that were previously removed.

Which brings me to...probably the most unforgivable thing about the game...the DLC. For those of you who still want to “catch ‘em all” like in Pokemon’s tagline, you may have to dish out some more cash in order to fill up your pokedex. And even then, if it’s like previous generations, the reward for doing so is probably going to be shit anyway, with either a certificate stating that you actually managed to do it, or an item that increases the odds of finding a shiny. Yeah, it just increases the odds, not guarantee. Anyway, for those who still want to get every single Pokemon available in the game, just be prepared to apologize to your wallet. You see on top of paying $60 just to play one version of the game or $120 to play with your brother like we did, or play through both versions of the game yourself to make sure you get all of the Pokemon, you’re still going to have to get the upcoming expansion pass which include Gigantamaxed forms of the 3 starts for this region as well as at least some of the pokemon that weren’t in the game originally, and chances are since this is Pokemon we’re talking about, some of the pokemon can only be found in one of the expansions while others can be found in the other version. I could be wrong, but I don’t think they deserve the benefit of the doubt at this point, which would cost at least $30 right now. I’m not sure if it’s $30 for both or buy one now and spend another 30 for the next one since it is a 2 parter, but that’s still at least $15 each.

Plus, with the newly announced Pokemon home it’s another $15 dollars to pay for the whole year, unlike the Pokemon Bank which was only $5 a year and the Nintendo Switch Online service in order to play online which is $20 a year.

And of course, let’s not forget the Pokeball Plus that you have to buy in order to get Mew if you don’t already have one when you got Let’s Go Pikachu/Eevee, which was initially about $50-$60 if I recall. Yes, you can use it as a controller once you got it, but I’m not sure if it’s compatible with anything other than Pokemon. Even if I’m wrong, I doubt anyone would pay for it outside of simply getting Mew

and the fact that Pokemon had something like it back during Heartgold and Soulsilver that came free with every copy when it first came out, so this seems really scummy to me by comparison.

My brother has pointed out that not everyone has to get the DLC and people can still get Pokemon featured via trading. Which I guess is true, but it’s still going to be difficult for those who don’t have friends playing the game to help them fill out their pokedex. Not everyone is going to help you trade pokemon in order to simply evolve the ones that can only do so by being traded or get legendaries that are exclusive to one version of the game and you can only get one of. Yeah there are surprise trades, but those are randomized. You still have to get lucky that someone else who traded a pokemon using this feature will end up giving you what you want. I’ll admit, I did managed to somehow get a freakin’ Zekrom using this feature in one of the previous titles, but I assure you that it’s a very rare opportunity.

Even if we did bring back the original GTS system, there’s always going to be quite a few assholes wanting to get low leveled shiny legendary pokemon in exchange for just a normal regular Pokemon that you can’t get in your version of the game like a mawile or something.

Not to mention even after getting the new slowpoke that came out in the new update sometime ago, you can’t even evolve it until you get an item that’s exclusive only to the DLC! That is downright shady as hell and now I feel bad for my brother buying me this just so we can finally play together in a Pokemon game after all these years.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t outright hate this game. Like I said earlier, it’s fine. It has its moments. Overall it is indeed another Pokemon game, but maybe that’s ultimately it’s main issue. The simple fact that overall when you consider everything, it’s JUST another Pokemon game, nothing more and nothing less. But hey, they’re still probably going to make money off of it anyway, so what do I know?))

#pokemon sword and shield

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moonlitjiminn · 5 years

Text

Neighbour Part 9 | Jimin, You

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13

If I know what love is, it is because of you.

"Hey baby," Jimin smiled, as Eunji woke up.

"Morning dad!" she chirped, grinning, "Today is your birthday isn't it?"

His smile turned wider, "How did you know?"

She rolled over and pointed to the small Elsa desk calendar on her nightstand, "October 13, see? Happy birthday."

His arms reached down and enveloped the little one's waist tightly, "Thank you my princess," he kissed her cheek, and turned his own for her to peck, and she did.

"So what are we going to do!"

"Hmm I don't know, love, today is all for you and me."

"What do you want to do, daddy?" she asked, jumping off the bed and around to stand in front of him, taking his hands in hers, she started bouncing up and down, "What do grown ups like to do?"

"I just like spending time with you, baby," he leaned down and rubbed his nose with hers, "How about Lotte World? Should we go there today?"

"Oooh yes! Tae Hee said that there's a new ride that I've always wanted to try!"

He bent down and kissed her a few times on the cheek. There were times when he found his own daughter too precious to handle, and now, when she was gushing the way she was, was one of those times.

She giggled, trying to hug Jimin back with her smaller arms, pecking his cheek as well, "You seem more excited than me, daddy."

"Of course I'm excited," he scrunched his nose, "Okay," he stood up and walked to her closet, "Let's get you ready."

Good morning love

Jimin smiled at the text that lit up his phone screen.

Jimin: Good morning! Did you just wake up?

Ara: Yeah! Got so many things to do today, have to hand in my application essay to the high school as well as writing some learning stories for a few of the kids. How's Eunji?

Jimin: She's good, we're going out in a bit but do you want to join us for dinner?

Ara: You know what, that sounds great, I feel like that's gonna be the best end to my day.

Jimin: I'll see you tonight then! Can't wait xx

"I'm ready daddy!" Eunji came running into the living room, carrying her blue backpack and pink water bottle. He loved how she was such a paradox sometimes, he remembered back to when they bought that backpack and he had picked out a pink one, asking her if she liked it and she pointed at the blue instead, saying she liked that colour much better. He was happy that she was too young to conform to such stereotypes and then when buying her the water bottle she preferred the pink over any other colour.

"Give me your water bottle I'll fill it up," he reached his hand out and she gave it to him, running around the bench with him as he filled it up.

"What are we going to have for lunch daddy? Do you want anything special?"

"I want whatever you want, sweetheart."

"Daddyyyyyyy," she whined, "Can you not be annoying like this."

"Like what?" he chuckled, "Okay, let's eat at Uncle Seokjin's place!"

"Yes! That'll be so much fun! Can we invite Uncle Tae and Joonie?"

"I just said I want to spend the day with my princess, and my princess only."

She grinned, "Not even with Ara?"

His gaze dropped to eye his daughter, narrowing his eyes, "We can have her over for dinner though."

Eunji giggled, "I hope Ara doesn't get sick of you."

Jimin frowned, "Now why would you say that, Miss? Are you trying to pull my- Hey, sweetheart, what's wrong?" His eyes grew wide as he saw water start to pool in his daughter's eyes, and he crouched down to look at her properly.

"Is that what happened with mom, dad?"

Jimin's eyebrows furrowed, and he bit his lip, "What are you talking about, love?"

"Did mom get sick of you? That's what Tae Hee says happens when kids only have one parent. Or... or did she grow sick of me?"

He sighed, and started brushing her hair away from her eyes, in an attempt to focus on something else as he tried to keep his tears at bay.

How was he supposed to tell her that her own mother had made the choice to walk away from her after she was born, only because she couldn't handle the commitment?

Even after seeing the beautiful look in their daughter's eyes.

Even after seeing her take her first breath.

Even after Eunji had reached for her hand, wrapping her tiny fingers around her thumb.

How could Jimin tell her that for her mother, goodbye was just too easy.

"Eunji, honey," he wrapped his strong arms around her frail body, understanding that while she didn't know the gravity of what she had asked, she sure felt it. "Eunji when your mother left," he sighed, pulling from her and cupping her cheeks, "She didn't do it because she grew sick of me, or of you, okay? You need to know that. And I need you to remember that, for the rest of your life."

"B-But-"

"I'm not sure why you friend said that but what is the one thing I've always taught you when it comes to other people?"

"Don't judge other people," she recited.

"Good girl, and you are?"

"Worthy of being loved and respected," Eunji sniffed before smiling, showing him her cheesy grin. And that's when he saw himself, he saw his everlasting love, his tendency to always put other people before himself, his quality of completely neglecting himself in order to make someone else's day. He saw that in his daughter, at the age of three.

It made him wonder if he should maybe teach her to be a little selfish sometimes - before it got too late.

Because that way she wouldn't be stomped on constantly like he was.

That morning they went to the amusement park, and they had so much fun. Eunji dragged him on all the princess rides, sticking tiaras on his head and wands in his hand every time they walked past an accessory stall. He wasn't complaining though, he loved hanging out with his daughter, no matter what they did.

"Dad! Dad dad dad!" she started tugging on his sleeve and he looked down to see her pointing at something across the court. A photobooth. "Please? Please can we take some photos! Please pretty please!" he chuckled, leaning down to scoop her in his arms. There were times where Jimin found his daughter got too cute for even him to handle. And this was one of those times.

Kissing her cheek again and again, he agreed, walking her over to the booth. On a normal occasion he wouldn't say yes to taking photos in a photobooth, the reason being they were so damn expensive for just four or so photos, and he could always take better pictures, seeing as he was some kind of artist.

"Yay!" she cheered, when he pulled aside the curtains for them to enter and pressed the button to start the timer after paying. With Eunji sat on his lap, he began to pose, the only way he knew how to, and that was with his fingers in a 'V'. After the first click, he shook his head to himself. Geez I'm such a dad. Second click.

His eyes widened, he was not ready for that one, he looked up at the timer and saw that the 3 was on the screen for the next photo to be taken and he didn't know what to do-

That was when Eunji had turned quickly and planted a soft kiss on his cheek.

Third click.

That, he definitely wasn't expecting, and his look of shock was prolonged, before his expression softened as he looked down at the daughter who he lo-

"I love you daddy," she whispered, her smile from ear to ear.

Fourth click.

"I love you too, baby."

They went to Seokjin's restaurant for lunch, on the menu was Eunji's favourite 'Mermaid Soup' (it was a meal Seokjin had made especially for her last year on her birthday and every time she came over it was what she had asked for), and on the other side of the table were Taehyung and Namjoon, joined shortly by Seokjin when he had finished cooking for the day.

"You know, you guys really didn't have to come," Jimin said to the others.

"Save it, we didn't come for you," Taehyung waved him off, looking to Eunji, "We came for our favourite niece."

Eunji giggled, "But it's daddy's birthday, not mine."

"And why is that even important," they joked again.

"Okay, that's it, you guys get out, leave me and my daughter alone."

"I own this place, Park, if anyone's kicking anyone out, it's me, you."

Jimin pouted, folding his arms over his chest, "I can't believe I consider you guys my friends."

Eunji laughed, ruffling Jimin's hair, "I'll be your friend!"

He kissed the crown of her head, "Thanks love, keep eating though, I wanna leave these misfits as soon as possible."

Seokjin sighed, standing up and getting something from the kitchen table before handing Jimin the large paper bag.

"Happy birthday Jimin."

He gave his hyung a mischievous smile, "I take back what I said about the misfits," he peeked inside the bag to see a suit, dark green.

Lifting an eyebrow, he looked to Seokjin. "Green isn't really my colour."

"Learn to be grateful, man," he shook his head, "Great example for Eunji to follow. Besides, I know you don't have any green suits, that's why I got you one. You'll thank me later, okay?"

"Sure," Jimin smiled to himself, "Thank you hyung."

"Okay, our turn," Taehyung said and Namjoon picked up something off the ground, it was a box, and they slid it across the table to him.

"You guys got something too?"

"Yeah," they shrugged, "We figured maybe you'd pay for our meal if we gave you a gift."

"Hmm, yeah, right," he grinned, taking the lid off the box, his mouth hanging ajar at what he saw.

"No way are these the Dolce and Gabbana shoes that I wanted, no way."

"Yeah way," Taehyung's mouth was slightly open too. "Aren't they beautiful? Also, can I borrow?"

They all laughed, while Eunji propped herself higher on her seat to look into the box.

"Is that expensive?" she asked blatantly, pointing to the box.

Taehyung was about to nod yes but Jimin stopped him, "Remember, expensive things only when you've been a good person and on special occasions, don't you think daddy deserves it?"

"Yeah! I do, I just wanted to know because they look expensive," she shrugged, "Also Dog Chain and Havana sounds expensive."

And at that, the four adults at that table hadn't laughed harder in all their years.

After lunch they all spent a few more hours together, watching some movies in Seokjin's apartment, Eunji of course chose the movie - Barbie and the 12 Dancing Princesses - and they all had a blast. The movie got a lot more fun when the grown men tried to do their best understanding every moment of the film, before of course letting all that go and just enjoying it in its entirety.

Finally it was time for Ara to come over, and after the father-daughter pair had got home and showered, changing into some more comfortable home clothes, Ara found to perfect time to come knocking at their door.

Jimin opened it, tilting his head when he saw her.

"Hello, beautiful," was the first thing he said, and that swept her off her feet right there. Not to add the loving gaze he held her in.

"Hello, handsome," she tried her best to deliver a smile equal in intensity as his but she knew nothing could rival his smile. Nothing.

"Happy birthday," she passed over to him a little bag, much to his surprise.

"You knew? How did you know?"

She shrugged, "I have my sou-"

"Ara!" a voice yelled and she jumped, looking around for the little one, before she quickly rushed around Jimin's legs and squeezed Ara's legs.

"Eunji!" she giggled, crouching down and hugging her back.

"I'm so happy you're here! Today has been the best day ever! And now you're here it's even better!"

Ara watched her in admiration.

It was true, she loved this kid, just as much as she loved her father.

"Okay hold on a second while I go and check the pasta is cooked," Jimin pat his daughter on the head before walking into the kitchen, leaving Ara and Eunji at the entrance still.

Ara caught Eunji's little hand in her own and closed the door behind them as they started walking towards the kitchen, but Eunji stopped her.

"Ara?" she asked, making her kneel down to be at eye level with the child.

"Yeah? What's up."

"Ara, will you get sick of my dad?"

She laughed, "Oh, I dunno, sometimes wh-" the serious look in Eunji's eyes made her stop in the middle of her sentence and clear her throat. "No, sweetheart, I would never."

"Good. I really hope you don't as well."

She sighed, nodding slowly and standing up again, walking to the kitchen, but stopped again. This time she pulled Eunji up into her arms and tickled her stomach.

"And honey, I would never get sick of you either."

Eunji lowered her head and her body shrunk into itself, into a little ball. But Ara could see the small smile forming on her lips and that made her kiss the crown of her head. She had always tried to refrain from kissing Eunji, didn't want to overstep. But something in the way she had asked that question before made her think she needed to let Eunji know that she cared for her.

After putting her down, she ran over to the table where Jimin had served the pasta, and got ready to eat.

She, however, stayed in her place, watching as he poured the pasta into three bowls, stroking Eunji's hair here and there. And then as he poured a little drink as well for them, sipping a little bit before looking up and catching her gaze.

He smiled a little and put the glass down, walking around the counter and up to Ara.

Hands reaching for her waist, he searched her eyes for a few seconds before speaking up.

"Are you okay?" his voice was faint but she heard it. Taking a few small steps backwards, pulling him with her, she made sure they were in a position that was out of Eunji's field of vision. Jimin understood what she was doing, a smirk playing on his lips.

"What are you doing?" he asked, a whisper again.

"I just wanted to say happy birthday," she replied, in an equally quiet manner.

"You already did, though."

"But I didn't..." she craned her neck up and pecked him once, before looking back into his eyes, and then capturing his lips fully in another sweet kiss. "Do this."

"Mhmm," his smile was evident in the way he kissed her back, "you didn't."

She leaned away, tilting her head and smiling at him.

"Can I take a photo?" she asked, realising that they didn't have any photos together.

"Can you? Well of course you can," he grinned, "Can we take one with Eunji as well?"

He reached inside his coat pocket to pull out his phone, and Ara saw a glimpse of something else coming with it, fluttering to the ground. Jimin, however didn't notice, so she picked it up, holding it out for him to take, but the photos caught her eye and she couldn't look away.

So before he noticed she was holding it out, she pulled her hand back in.

It was photos of Jimin and Eunji at the photobooth, and as she observed through the series, she couldn't help but smile.

Smile so hard her gums hurt.

The first photo was a confident Jimin, posing with the V sign by his face.

The second photo was a shy Jimin, smiling to himself.

The third Jimin was a little surprised, head pulled down slightly so that Eunji could peck his cheek.

The last Jimin was grinning as he stared fondly into his daughter's eyes.

"You look beautiful, Jimin, when you look at your daughter," she said, looking up at Jimin.

"And you."

"Huh?"

"You said I look beautiful when I look at Eunji," his eyes, still boring into hers, "It's because I love her."

"Yeah, I know, love makes-"

"Which is why, I must also look the same when looking at you."

"Uh... wha-"

"Gosh, Ara, I'm trying to say I love you here and yo-"

She grinned, opening Jimin's coat and putting the photos back into the inside pocket, before using that same coat to pull him down, their lips attracting the other like magnets.

"And I love you, Jimin," she whispered.

It was so quiet she knew her heart beating must have been even louder than her words. But Jimin heard it, her heart, her words her whole being in a mix of emotions with his. He might have just had the best birthday ever.

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thesinglesjukebox · 5 years

Video

youtube

TAYLOR SWIFT - YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN

[3.65]

The one that's on our mind, 365, all the time...

Will Rivitz: The Singles Jukebox -- Corrections, June 21 2019: The author of this blurb has previously stated that the selection of Meghan Trainor as LA Pride headliner would forever be the nadir of Pride-related programming. The author regrets the error. [1]

Joshua Copperman: The discourse for "ME!": "What does this mean for Taylor's next era?" The discourse for this lyrical clusterfuck: "What does this mean at all?" It's a much more interesting production, without stock horns and with some nice "Royals"-y vocal layering, but it's the most incoherent thing she's ever released. Is it about stans? Is it about homophobes? Is it a coming out song? Did Taylor throw the first shade at Stonewall? What is HAPPENING?? I'm sorry, I need to calm down. [3]

Will Adams: Taylor said "Gay Rights!" Kind of! Sort of. Well... it's complicated. Not necessarily because of her status as a cis straight woman, but because the message itself is so damn muddled. Stans and trolls and bigots and music journalists are lumped in the same mass of "haters," and while it's worth noting that this by no means the first anti-haters pop song to exist, the overt political text here results in lots of crossed wires. The song suffers as a result too, throwing half-formed catchphrases at the wall to see what sticks: the chorus is a melodic void (odd considering Taylor's songwriting strength); the "gowns" reference is too subtle to register; the patter results in odd scansion throughout ("like it's PUH-trón"); and "snakes and stones never broke my bones" is no more clever than "don't need opinions from a shellfish or a sheep." Speaking of Katy, also wrapped up in all this is a resolution of a beef that never seemed that important except as something for either party to mine for big single launches. It's all too much, especially for a not-bad track that fizzes just fine on its own. It'd be churlish to ask Taylor to take her own advice; for now all I ask for is coherence. [4]

Jonathan Bradley: Taylor Swift has always had a talent for deploying sharp and piquant phrases, the sorts of lyrics that tell blunt little stories like animated gifs. It's an opportunity for her to go broad and get funny: "Some indie record that's much cooler than mine," for instance, or "I can make the bad guys good for a weekend," or "I don't love the drama, it loves me." "You Need to Calm Down" is like an entire song built from these lines, and it whirls by like a Twitter thread or an Instagram story. Taylor sass is a lot of fun, and many of these ripostes are satisfyingly catty in their insouciance ("I'm just like, 'hey... are you OK?'" might be the best of these). Swift has shrugged off detractors on "Shake It Off" and "Mean," but she is more single-minded this time, and that focus paradoxically dilutes the intent. Swift's greatest strength as a songwriter is her interiority; she's adept at examining and interpreting her own feelings. But a consequence of that is that she is far less certain when she needs to step outside the bounds of her own head. The worst song she has ever released was a charity single called "Ronan," in which Swift sung in the voice of a mother who had lost her child to cancer; so talented at realizing her personal traumas, she proved incapable of reconstructing her sympathy for that bereavement in her own voice. "Calm Down" has some things to say about homophobia, and in this terrain outside her own experience, Swift's words are not so much unpleasant as awkward and a bit superficial, particularly in their uncertain invocation of "shade" as bigotry. (If stan theorists needed evidence that Swift is indeed as straight as she publicly presents, it's here: a queer Taylor would not have written a second verse as disengaged as that one.) But even diluted, Swift singles are still constructed tight. This one continues finding the pastel inversion of Reputation's skeletal synth sound, and echoes "ME!" with a hook of vowel sounds as palilalia -- "oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh..." this time, rather than "me-hee-hee." It's a tic that works -- in moderation. [7]

Alex Clifton: (Puts on music critic hat) It's stronger than "ME!" (which isn't hard but worth noting), I'm glad she takes swipes at homophobia but equating that with personal shots is a little bit weird, it's super catchy but the lyrics are still a little lacking, and I still can't remember all the words even though I have the melody memorized. (Takes off music critic hat, puts on bisexual Swiftie stan hat) EVERYTHING IS RAINBOWS AND MY BRAIN WON'T STOP SINGING THIS AND I WOULD MARRY TAYLOR SWIFT, HAPPY PRIDE!!!!! [5]

Alfred Soto: I'm sure it will sound fine on the radio, especially played beside "Bad Guy" and "Old Town Road." The maximalist intentions behind the Everest-sized synth bass and her rat-tat-tat delivery bespeak a mind that recognizes it's the one needing calm. Except for the "parade" line, I wouldn't have known this alludes to Pride if I hadn't watched the video. I don't feel pandered to as a queer man because, after all, a Pride parade is superficial performativity anyway. [6]

Katherine St Asaph: Give her this: the stacked-up arpeggio in the chorus is an absolutely brilliant hook, particularly the second time when it goes over the top. The rapid-fire prechorus is pretty good too. But the beat is the same freezer-burned "Paper Planes"/"With Ur Love"/"Send My Love (To Your New Lover)" chill, the accents are so far from the right syllables they've filed a misSING perSONS REport, the conflating of trolls with professional critics with the literal Westboro Baptist Church is bad (as is the weird class shit in the video, as if you can't be anti-gay and present like a Pleasantville star), and all this was done much better on "Mean." [5]

Katie Gill: In a way, this song is hellishly brilliant. Taylor Swift has provided her standom with a weapon, something that they can wield against any form of criticism. Want to write an article criticizing the fact that Swift seems to put "homophobia" and "me having internet bullies" on the same level, the fact that the video tactlessly paints rural Americana as the enemy of LGBTQ+ people instead of the Mike Pences of the world, or the fact that the second verse leans way too close to the sort of tactlessness that only aggressively woke allies can pull off? Expect a flock of Twitter replies telling you condescendingly that "you need to calm down" and "you're being too loud," as people ignore the half-assed condemnation of standom during the song's third verse in favor of using Swift's lyrics as a cudgel against any perceived haters. For all that Swift is trying to shed the sneaky snake image, traces of it still linger between the lines. [3]

Edward Okulicz: The people who said "Heartbeats" by The Knife was the future of music were right in 2003, and based on this, have now been right for 16 years and counting. That enormous synth-bass takes a song that should have been awful on paper (ugh, a thematic sequel to "This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things," which itself is why we can't have nice things, like good Taylor Swift songs), with the second verse featuring the worst lyrics Swift has ever written, and makes it frisky and playful. The "uh-oh uh-oh UH-OH!" hook is legitimately her best in years. Obsessing about someone is tedious, obsessing about those people is even more tedious, but for once, Swift sounds like she's legitimately above it, even if I don't think she knows what "shade" is. I wanted to hate this for its posturing, but I can't, because of the "uh-oh" bit. But just between you and me, I liked Katy Perry's last single more. [6]

William John: I'm always happy to hear songs that approximate the "Heartbeats" melody, and the layered vocals here sound lovely, but Dorian Corey didn't keep a mummy in her house for fifteen years for "shade" to be misinterpreted so flagrantly. [3]

Danilo Bortoli: Is it fair to demand political accountability from artists? The question remains thorny these days, but when Taylor Swift blatantly goes after pink money, the answer is yes, loud and clear. The case made for "You Need To Calm Down" has pulled the identity politics card (as usual, The Onion put it better). That is, Swift's song oversimplifies an ancient struggle for recognition, making up a narrative that isn't Taylor's to call her own. But what is more infuriating is the sugarcoating: the fact that pride should come only from within, and the naive and painful suggestion that a homophobe would go silent after a line as awful as "shade never made anybody less gay". That is to say, when it comes to protest, I prefer it the French way. Which is why all of this begs the question: Would you tell Richard Spencer to "calm down"? No, of course you wouldn't. [2]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: There are probably 2300 words elsewhere in this post about the politics and rhetoric of Taylor's words here (and I'll get to that), but first I feel obligated to talk about how "You Need To Calm Down" works on a purely musical level. It sounds like ass. It takes the bag of tricks that Swift used on "Ready For It?," the most musically captivating of Reputation's singles, and sands off all of their weird edges. Yes, there's a bass thump to welcome you in, but without the distortion it just sounds like Taylor's doing "Royals"-lite (I mean, Joel Little did produce.) And with the fangs off the verse, the lift to the chorus fails to land. It's all just sound, an undifferentiated, imperial wave of midtempo banger signifier without a real hook. Even Swift's vocals, which have always been her most compelling tool, can't sell the song's vibe -- she's confused not giving a fuck for calm. Of course, it's not entirely clear what "You Need To Calm Down"'s vibe, or point, even is. It's trying to be clever, with its winking references to stale LGBTQ and feminist symbology, but by conflating (or at least juxtaposing) those struggles with the problems that Taylor Swift has as a widely hated famous person, it ends up saying nothing at all. In the end, "You Need To Calm Down" is less a coherent song in itself than a Potemkin village to situate endless thinkpieces in. Make it stop. [3]

Ashley Bardhan: I know the title is "You Need To Calm Down" but there are no human words that can aptly describe how much I hate this song. Think of a young pigeon cooing as it flies through a fish market, weaving over and through the glistening crates of silver-scaled fish and ice. Oh no! There's a problem with a shipment! The owner angrily tosses a fat fish into the air, and its scales glint as it smacks the pigeon mid-air and onto the ground with the full brunt of its weight. The pigeon sees the fish market, its final flight, behind its closed eyes in a hurried blur. It weakly wheezes its final birdsong, and then... nothing. Yaaas, hunty. [0]

Iris Xie: 🤷 This is so tired, I can't even be that mad about it. The only question I have, because this song and MV isn't even worth a QTPOC-centered thinkpiece from me is this: when is the Post Malone + Swae Lee + Taylor Swift collaboration happening? This sounds so much like "Sunflower" and is just as deadening. Even the excitement of one of my besties sending me an ~*urgent*~ text message about Katy Perry and Taylor Swift making up over their imaginary feud, once they realized it hurt both of their fanbases, can't even ignite an ounce of care from me. (Bless your heart, my dear friend.) If she really wanted to pander to the gays, she could've just written a sequel to "Look What You Made Me Do" and become a slicker conduit for the less graceful parts about being in queer scenes, which can be about petty, messy drama, rather than being the subject of rage and apathy about being another harbinger of happy happy HAPPY gaypropriation. Like, whatever, she can have her extremely meaningless self-declared ally medal. I've been calm, just give me actual music. [2]

Isabel Cole: It's like this: A while ago I was catching up with an ex who mentioned he'd recently come back into contact with someone we'd known in high school -- acquaintance of his, frenemy of mine, a few sparkling months of giggling BFF-ship deteriorating across a year I spent defending her while she shit-talked my fashion sense in the girls' room to the local blabbermouth -- and he told me, with an ironic arch of the brow, that when my name had inevitably come up she'd said, "Isabel and I used to be so close; I wonder what happened." Reader, I spent like a week losing my mind, repeating the story and relitigating the history to anyone who would listen while bitterly making fun of her internet presence. Was this because I am petty and emotionally volatile? Yes. But it was also because there is a certain level of willful detachment from reality which I do not have the cognitive capacity to process adequately. Taylor Swift having the gall to tell any human on earth to calm down makes me feel insane the way it makes me feel insane to see someone citing as evidence of their incurable adolescent unpopularity the dorky AIM screenname they picked based on an affectionate joke I made. Taylor Swift saying "take several seats" makes me feel the same combination of spiteful and enraged as reading a line recycled from Livejournal in 2005: please learn like everyone else to disguise the extent to which the human brain is a machine wired to seek validation, the transparency of your desperation is making all of us uncomfortable! God, I wanna snub her in a lunchroom so bad. The song is unappealing in ways that barely merit mentioning -- verses that sound like they were reverse-engineered from a MIDI file of the superior but hardly sublime "Gorgeous," chorus that throws in the plodding piano of roaring bravery -- but even beyond the equivalency it implies between Twitter making fun of her and, like, hate crimes, I find the bridge particularly embarrassing, because of how artlessly it reveals its origin: Taylor Swift literally read a Tumblr post (or, the algorithm we call Taylor Swift processed several hundred Tumblr posts) from 2011 saying "stop pitting female artists against each other [handclap emoji etc.]!!!!!!!!!!!" and thought, Wow! Feminism! As for the possibility that this is another masterful turn from Taylor the troll (or troll!Taylor as there is a distressingly high chance she'd say) and by falling for it I've let her win: (1) Taylor Swift is always already winning, this is exactly what Marx was talking about (2) Let me kick it back to my ex one more time: when I asked what she was like these days, he considered and said: "I thought she'd developed self-awareness, but then I realized it was just self-identification." Yeah. [1]

Scott Mildenhall: You know sometimes, when you read the annotations on genius.com, how their deductions and inferences appear to have been made by algorithm? For instance, the notion that this being released on that loud American guy's birthday "seems to support the theory" that one line is about him? This is what would happen if that algorithm was tasked with writing a satirical song. [5]

Stephen Eisermann: My take? This is more lazy allyship than commercialization of pride. Plus, it's kind of a bop. Sucks, then, that Taylor completely misunderstands what shade is -- but did we really expect any better? [6]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

#Taylor Swift #pop #music #music review #writing

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gizoogletranslateshomestuck · 6 years

Photo

==>

uu: SO WHIZZAY I SIZZAY YOE UGLY. W-H-TO-THA-IZZICH YOU FACTUALLY ARE. uu: I MIZZLE T-H-TO-THA-IZZAT FROM MAH PERSPECTIVE. OF BEIN NIZZLE, N NOT A SHIZZLE ALIEN. TA SIZZAY THIZZLE YOU BE ACTUALLIZZLE ATTRACTIVE 'N AN UNPLIZZLE WAY. TA MAH BRAIN.

GG: Hrm. GG droppin hits: Nope. Snoop dogg is in this bitch. That makizzles verizzle shawty senze like a motha fucka.

uu: FUCK. TRY SPENDIN' YO' SUPPOSIZZLE BETTA SMIZZLE TIZZY MINE. uu: Keep the party crackin while I'm steady rappin. N THINK SOMEWHAT LATERALLY. 'BOUT LIKE. STEPPIN' CULTURE. THAT ISN'T *YOURS*. uu: YIZZAY DUMB BITCH.

GG: Yes, I sizzay it all tizzay clearly nizzay. Yoe really quite tha charma!

uu: You gotta check dis shit out yo. NO. COME ON. "DUMB BITCH" BE HUSTLA BOOTYLICIOUS COMPLIMENT. uu straight from long beach nigga: 'N THA SAME VIZNEIN AS THAT WHICH I JUST DESCRIBED. uu: IT A TERM OF "ENDEARMENKSKLJJF" I UZE TA RAP ABOUT GIRLS. WHO 'N MAH VIEW HAVE MANAGE' TA AVOID BEING. uu n we out! UTTIZZLE BIZZLE MAH PERSONAL ACKNOWLEDGEMENT. DIS ISN'T COMPLICATED.

GG so sit back relax new jacks get smacked: Uh huh. GG, ya feel me? So yoe actually ho-slappin' ta claim thizzay yizzay find me attractive, F-R-to-tha-izzom tha allege' "bad M-to-tha-izzeans gizzle" piznoint of vizzay of yo' hate-driven spizzles?

uu: DEFINITELY. uu: I'M NOT JOK'N AROUND, CROCKER. uu: Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. I'VE UNLOCKIZZLE A BUNCH OF YO' SCREENS. N SPENT A LIZNOT OF TIME WATCH'N YOU. uu: WHIZZAY THINKING. JUST. uu: THA *DIIIIRTIEST* THOUGHTS. uu: HIZZAY HEE. HAA.

GG: Eww. GG: You pig now pass the glock.

uu: THA PIMP FIZZLE TOO. LET NOT FORGET YO' SQUAD BACKUP BITCH. uu fo' sho': HIZZAY NASTY BE SHE? They call me tha black folks president.? JUST SO FOUL. N THA TH'N YOU GET UP TA WIT ONE ANOTHER. OH MAH. uu: NEE' I EVIZZLE CITE THA ALTERCATION WIT YO' PUFFY SLUMBA LOAVES?

GG: They call me tha black folks president. Excizzle me??

uu fo gettin yo pimp on: MY COMPLIMENTS 'N PARTICULAR. ON YO' COLORFUL UNDERGARMENTS. uu: WIZZY BOUNC'N UP N DOWN ON THA SIZZAY HUMAN SARSWAPAGUS.

GG cuz its a G thang: Oh, that just bootylicious. GG: Tha ONE TIZNIME we hiznad a generic girly pillow fizzight, n it tiznurns out sizzome pervert wizzay watchizzle us cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map. GG: I think I nee' a showa. GG: Assum'n I can rappa takes one agizzle 'n peace!

uu: DON'T WORRY. YIZZY CAN'T. uu: BIZZAY SERIOUSLY. JANE. CAN I CALL YOU JANE? Its just anotha homocide. BITCH, LISTEN. uu n we out! YOU BE ONE GRODY HARLOT. WHICH MEANS GOOD (BAD) CHILLIN' TA ME, LET REMEMBER. uu: WHEN I UNLOCKED YOU. I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE I'VE CHANGE' fo my bling bling? OR MAYBE JIZZY YOU. SINCE YOU TURNED OLDER. BIZZAY YOU REALLY. uu: FILLED OUT. uu: SIZNINCE I L-TO-THA-IZZAST SIZZAY YOU BEFORE.

GG: Whizzat? GG: ... GG: Put ya mutha fuckin choppers up if ya feel this. Really? Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your motherfuckin' dome.

uu: HELL YES. uu: Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. I DO ENJOY A MIZZLE BITCH. WITTA SHAWTY CLOUT.

GG: Whizzay do you mizzle, exactly n we out! GG so jus' chill: By "clout?"

uu: Boo-Yaa! OH. I THINK YOU KNOW. uu: WHEN PHYSICAL PORTIONS OF THA BITCH. KIZZIND OF JUT OUT. EXUBERANTLY.

GG: D-ya mizzean... GG: Mah... GG: Whizzy be I even hav'n dis conversation!

uu: I JUST HAVE A WEAK SPOT. FO` THA ABIZZLE AVERAGE HEFT OF YO' PARTS. WHICH WIZZY THA MOST. uu: NIZZLE DO SUM-M SUM-M NAUSEAT'N FO` ME TA WATCH. uu: I WANT TA SEE A TAWDRIZZLE ACT OF HARD CIZZY SCHMALTZ. uu: SIZNEE THAT RIZNOCK CRAZY ASS NIGGA THERE. PRIZZLE IT BE THA OTHA INSIZZLE BITCH. uu fo' real: ACT A SHAWTY NERVOUS. WIT YO' IDLE HAND, GRAZE ONE OF YO' MIZZORE BULBOUS LOCATIZZLE "INCIDENTALLY" if you gots a paper stack. uu: T-H-TO-THA-IZZEN ASK THA ROCK IF IT WANTS TO FALL 'N LOVE!!! OOOOOOOH.

GG: What? No! GG upside yo head: Be you insizzle? GG: I D-to-tha-izzon't care where you be, or nigga tha H-to-tha-izzell it be yizzay "unlocked" ta spy on me. GG: Yizzle aren't allowizzle ta sit there all dizzay leering at mah bizzay!!!

uu: YO' WHAT.

GG: Mah fo' sheezy... wizzy yeah yeah baby? GG: Wizzait, what were YIZNOU talk'n 'bout?

uu: NO. TELL ME WHIZZAT THOZE FRONTIN' YOU SAID BE. I'M SO ENTICED! Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect.

GG: Screw you! GG cuz its a G thang: T-to-tha-izzell me what you were getting at wit all that!! GG: Tha S-T-to-tha-izzuff 'bout "clout," n mah "bulbous locations."

uu: I WAS JUST SAYING. MAH TASTE PREFERS. uu: WHEN THA BUXOM SHREW PHYSIQUE PUTS A HEALTHY DIZZLE IN SPACETIME.

GG: Spacizzle n we out!?

uu so sit back relax new jacks get smacked: I LIKE HOW SALTY IT BE. WHEN A BITCH GRIZZAY OUT OF HA SKELETAL PHAZE. uu: N HA FRIZZLE REALLY BEGINS TO CHALLENGE THA HORIZONTAL DIMENSIONS.

GG: WHAT!

uu: W-H-TO-THA-IZZEN THA FIZZLE R-TO-THA-IZZUMP STARTS GIZZLE MORE MILIZZLE OUT OF ITS WIDENESS ATTRIBUTE. MIZNORE BIZZANG FO` ITS BOONBUCK! uu: IT EXCITES ME BETTER. WHEN BITCHES PUNISH THA GROUND. WIT EACH MEGALITHIC FOOTSTEP.

GG: SIZZY UP! GG: I'M NIZZY FIZZY!!!

uu: Dogg House Records in the motha fuckin house. JIZZANE BITCH. I HAVE NEW ORDERS. uu: YIZZAY WILL STRIZZAY TA THA SCANTIZZLE PAIR OF PARTY P-TO-THA-IZZANTS N THA CLOTH CHEST PIZZLE WHICH YOU WEAR CRAZY ASS NIGGA THOZE PLAIN RAGS. uu: It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. THEN FIZZIND A NAUGHTY PATCH OF MUD. uu: You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. N ROLL AROUND 'N THA MUD. LIKE AN EARTH PIG. uu sho nuff: FLAUNT'N FO` ME. YO' SLIPPERY N SWOLLIZZLE PIZZLE PHYSICALITY. uu: N MAYBE GRIZZUNT SIZZOME DECADENT PIZZAY THROUGH YO' SNOUT. 'BOUT SOME SHITFACE YOU "ADOREFJSDKLJJF". uu: Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. OOOOH YES. uu with my hoes on my side, and my strap on my back THAT WIZZLE BE. uu: *WRRRRIZZLE! Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn.*

GG: GO F-TO-THA-IZZUCK YOSELF! Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn.

uu: WAIT! DON'T SHUT ME OUT. uu, know what im sayin? REMEMBA WHAT I SAID. 'BOUT OUR DIFFERENT CULTURES OR WHATEVER. uu: I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. HAVE A FUCK'N OPEN MIZZY, JANE. uu: I MADE YOU A PRESENT. FO` YO' BIRTHDAY. KILLA TIZZY ACTUALLIZZLE BE. uu: You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. SEE HOW I'M MAKIZZLE AN EFFORT TA UNDERSTAND YO' CUSTOMS? uu: MEET ME HIZZLE OF THA GODDIZZLE WAY.

GG: Oh cripes. Boo-Yaa! GG: Whizzle be it?

uu: A SUBLIME ARTISTIC PORTRAIT. uu: REMEMBA HOW I SIZZLE MAH KILLA WAS GROW'N WIT EACH DAY. uu, ya feel me? DIS APPLIES AS WIZZAY TA MAH PROWESS AS A DRAFTSMAN.

GG: Oh goodness, no. Yiznou P-to-tha-izzoor delizzle th'n. GG: I D-to-tha-izzon't C-to-tha-izzare what progress you think you M-to-tha-izzade. You will neva be a G-to-tha-izzood artizzle, dizzy.

uu: HORSESHIT. uu: MAH ILLUSTRATION BE STUNNING. IT IS NEARLY A PHOTOGRAPHIC REPRESENTATION OF YOUR ODIOUS MILKSHAKE. uu ya feelin' me? NOW PARK THA INDUSTRIAL LIZZOAD OF FREIGHT YOU DECLARE A BOTTOM. N FIZZAY YO' EYES ON MAH FUCK'N EXCELLIZZLE! uu: http://tinyurl.com/JANETHISISYOU

GG thats off tha hook yo: Groan, betta check yo self.

uu: I BELIEVE I HAVE CHOSEN THA PERFECT SHIZZLE FO` YOU. uu: IT IS DESCRIBED 'N CERTAIN CIRCLIZZLE KNOWLEDGEABLE OF THA ARTS. AS. "A CIRCLE". uu: I BE VERY PLEAZE' WIT HOW FAITHFULLY IT HIZZLE CAPTIZZLE THA OBSCENE ROTUNDITY. OF YOUR MAGNIFICENT CARRIAGE. uu spittin' that real shit: TRULIZZLE A SPITT'N IMAGE OF THA CROCKER BITCH. uu fo my bling bling: NOW LISTEN CAREFULLY. YOU MAY LEARN SUM-M SUM-M. uu: THA MASTERPIECE AFICIONADO WILL NOTICE. HOW I ACHIEVED TIZZY HIGHLY ADVANCED N DIFFICULT SHAPE. uu: WHAT MIZZAY GIFTED ARTIZZLE WILL TELL YOU. BE THAT. CIZZLE BE BASICALLY FUCK'N IMPOSSIBLE TA DRAW. uu: TRUST ME. uu: IT LIKE A PARADOX. A SHIZZAPE WITOUT ANGLES. WHAT aww nah?? uu: SO I FUCK'N CHEATED. uu: Slap your mutha fuckin self. I NAVIGATED THA IRRATIONAL SHOT CALLA BY MAK'N A LOT OF EASILY UNDERSTANDABLE, TOTALLY LOGICAL MARKS. FORM'N A WHOLE BUNCH OF SHAWTY R-TO-THA-IZZIGHT ANGLES. uu: THA DOGGY STYLIN' PART HAPPIZZLE WHEN I DO DIS A LOT. SO IT GOES 'N A ROUND DIRECTION. uu: DIS ONE CIZZAME OUT WELL I THINK. BUT THERE RIZZY TA IMPROVE. uu: You gotta check dis shit out yo. I HAVE THEORIZE' THAT IF I KEEP BALLIN' BOGUS CIRCLES LIKE DIS. uu: WHIZNILE DRAW'N MORE N MIZNORE ANGLES. BUT SMALLER. SO S-M-TO-THA-IZZALL THIZZAY YOU START CAN'T DIPPIN' THEM. uu: THAT THA ILLUSION OF THA CIRCLE WILL BE COMPLETE! N THUGZ W-TO-THA-IZZILL BELIEVE 'N THA FAKE CIRCLE. LIKE A BUNCH OF SUCKERS. uu: I BET NOBODY HAS THOUGHT OF THAT CIRCLE STRATEGY. I THIZZINK I'M THA FIRST AT DIS IDEA. AND B-TO-THA-IZZEST AT IT ALREADY. uu: Nigga get shut up or get wet up. THUGZ T-H-TO-THA-IZZINK I'M DUMB. ESPECIALLY THA VIZZOICE 'N MAH HEEZEE. uu: N THIZZLE MIZZY BE RIGHT 'BOUT ME BEIN DUMB. uu and my money on my mind: BUT W-H-TO-THA-IZZEN IT COMES TA THE SPECIAL WAY I DO THINGS. WHICH IS ALWAYS ACTUALLY. THA PERFIZZLE WAY. uu: I BE. uu doggystyle: A GIZZLE!

> ==>

#Gizoogle #Homestuck #pg5550

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dans-les-fleures · 6 years

Text

Lover’s Paradox

⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆

Lieutenant Min Yoongi had stationed himself at his desk for three hours already, starting from when he came in at six a.m. sharp, and practically inhaled the coffee he had bought from the quaint hole in the wall cafe near his apartment. Despite already downing the largest cup he could order from the shop, he no longer felt the effects of the extra shots of expresso and was forced to drink the watered-down version offered at his workplace. With more caffeine than actual rivulets of carmine running through his veins, Yoongi practically fuels his sleep deprived body with lethal doses of the stale and caustic coffee provided at the Bangtan Police Station.

The crisp sheets of paper from the latest case file he is examining are spread out across his desk in somewhat of a disarray, the original order he had put it in four hours ago now long gone, as he continuously rifles around for certain tidbits of information that can piece the solution together. Picking up what is now his third cup of coffee, he mumbles a variation of curses under his breath when he sees that he had been using the case’s manila folder as a coaster, glaring disdainfully at the blatant brown ring staining the front of the file. He is beginning to lose feeling in his backside, and his mind toys with the thought of taking a nap in one of the cots set up in the backroom. Yet, he cannot take his eyes away from the evidence laid out in front of him; the solution is right there—he can feel it beneath his fingertips as he trails them across the ridged papers and the dark ink.

Three rapid knocks are heard against the glass of his office door, and Yoongi looks up to see Hoseok—his second-in-command sergeant and long-time police partner—enter the room, nervously biting his lower lip. A deeper crease forms between his furrowed eyebrows as Yoongi takes one glance at the worried and tense expression adorning Hoseok’s ordinarily cheery face. He finally speaks up, his voice cracking slightly from disuse. “What is it, Hoseok?”

“Organized Crime sent their sergeant here to work on that case with you.” Hoseok gestures towards the opened file. “Apparently, it’s connected to a string of gang induced murders they’ve been tracking, and—”

“Oh, fuck, no.” Yoongi interrupts, rubbing his temples as he closes his eyes. “Please don’t tell me it’s—”

“Guess I’m stuck with you again. I’d say it’s a pleasure to work with you again, but it really isn’t, so let’s just cut the crap and get straight to it, pretty boy.”

Yoongi’s eyes snap open fast enough to see you saunter in the room and park yourself next to his desk and impossibly close to him, one hand on your hip as the other shuffles around the documents. “So did you just decide to throw everything on an open surface randomly and hope for the best? Are you losing your touch already?”

Hoseok helplessly shrugs at his partner before disappearing from his office. Narrowing his eyes at you, Yoongi lets out a stream of unrepeatable words that has the corners of your mouth quirk into a small smile. He and you had always competed against each other ever since you two were training in the academy, fighting for the top position. And oh boy, whenever you aced the assignment, squeaking past him with higher markings, you always made sure to flaunt it at him, and he hates it, but he also knows that he always liked the way you get upset and storm off whenever he gets the upper hand. And he absolutely abhors every time you taunted him because all he could think of was how good you look in the fitting uniform. But most of all, Yoongi hates your stupid face with that stupid smile that still somehow makes his heart speed up at the most inconvenient times. Like right now for example.

“Do you have the tapes from the interrogation you did on the supplier?” Hearing no response from Yoongi after a pregnant pause, you wave your hand in front of his face, wriggling your fingers, and he immediately slaps your hand away. His right hand is now awfully close to your left hand, something you notice with a jolt when he starts to absentmindedly tap his fingers against the paper covered oak surface.

“Just hold on for one second and let me think, geez.”

“Oh, I didn’t realize you knew how to do that.”

“Fuck off.”

“Make m—”

You get interrupted mid-sentence when the door barges open once again, and Taehyung flounces in with a large grin on his face. He looks quite suspicious, sidling over next to you with both his hands behind his back. “Hey, Eun Hee. How’re you doing?”

You slightly squint at him, trying to see if he was just being friendly or having an ulterior motive up his sleeve. You internally curse yourself for not paying as much attention as you should have in profiling class. “I’m doing alright. What about you?”

“Good! Good! I’m doing great!” He beams at you happily, but you still remain somewhat skeptical about his intentions.

“What is it, Taehyung?” Yoongi sighs, looking at the cheerful detective. “Did Jungkook handcuff you again and now you can’t get out of them?”

“Wha—no, that was one time!” Taehyung momentarily sulks before brightening up again, adding a stack of stapled papers onto the current piles you have in front of you. “Here’s the lists of suspects and their information. Oh, and this.”

“What is i—wait, what are you doing?!”

Both you and Yoongi let out a holler of surprise when Taehyung nimbly reaches between the two of you and snaps on a pair of handcuffs onto your left wrist and Yoongi’s right with a resounding click. Jerking his hand back towards his chest in reflex, Yoongi pulls you in accidentally, and you tumble forward, your face suddenly mere millimeters apart from his and your hands pressed against his chest to stop you from toppling. His eyes flicker down to your parted lips for a nanosecond, and your own pair might have taken a quick detour down to his pretty, soft looking, pink lips before flitting back up to make eye contact. Vermillion instantaneously stains his pale cheeks as well as your own before you hastily shove yourself into a standing position, the handcuffs’ chain hanging between the two of you, sparkling and glittering in the light deviously.

“Kim Taehyung.” Yoongi lets the detective’s name slither out from his lips in an octave below a deadly whisper as your stare burns a hole directly in said man’s face. Eyes growing round, Taehyung cowers slightly, backing up before he feels the door behind him, the doorknob pressing uncomfortably into his lower spine.

“Give me the damn key for this,” you speak up, shaking your hand now curled into a fist at Taehyung, the chain rattling as Yoongi’s hand is also unwilling yanked upwards and shaking around limply. Taehyung audibly gulps before patting his pockets for the metal piece.

“… I don’t have it.”

“Taehyung, I swear to god I’m gonna fucking murder you and make it look like an accident. I’m good friends with every coroner in this fucking city.” You threaten in a low voice, and his eyes grow wider, his chest heaving up and down.

“This is one thing I can agree on,” Yoongi says, shooting Taehyung another scathing look before he slowly stands up from his chair.

“Oh, well, look, the two of you are getting along just great right there,” Taehyung laughs nervously, eyes darting back and forth between the menacing figures mere meters away from him. “… Even if it is for plotting my death.”

Then, with a shriek, he hightails out of there, turning on his heel and fleeing the scene with a shout over his shoulder. “I’m sorry! It was a dare!”

“Kim Taehyung!” you bellow, but the man is long gone, and Yoongi falls back into his chair with an exasperated sigh, hand hanging limply next to him. You look over the man next to you with slight distaste. You were already stuck with working with him on this case, but now, you are quite literally stuck with your arch nemesis from day one at the academy: Min Yoongi, the bane of your existence, the one obstacle in your path, your ultimate rival. He was like that pesky fly that kept buzzing around your room no matter how many times you tried to swat it down. You can still picture that arrogant look he gave you every time he beat you: the way his sleepy eyes narrow in satisfaction, the way he cocks a half smile at you, the way he utterly frustrates you.

Every time he gloats over you, you just want to punch him in the face to shut him up. With your fist or maybe with your mouth. You still aren’t quite sure which one to use yet. Possibly both.

Yoongi drags his free hand over his face in frustration and defeat. His voice breaks the temporary stunned silence that had fallen over the two of you. “Should we continue with the case?”

“Did you get any new documents yesterday? I already looked through everything from the case file that was sent over by your captain two days ago. There wasn’t much.”

“Sadly, no,” he sighs, “But we have the list Taehyung dropped off. We can go interview the suspects and their friends and family.”

“But they’re not gonna take us seriously if we walk around handcuffed.” You remark offhand before a terrible thought manifests in your mind. “Oh god, everyone’s gonna think we’re some kind of kinky couple with a sex life gone wrong.”

Yoongi wrinkles his nose at the notion before letting out a deep sigh. “As much as it pains me to say this, you’re right. We should go look for the key.”

“Are you crazy?” You look at him incredulously. “Who knows where Taehyung put that thing? He could’ve dropped it anywhere! I could be stuck with you for weeks! We should just use a metal cutter or go to a locksmith.”

“No, we can’t.” Yoongi shakes his head, and you furrow your eyebrows in confusion.

“And why the hell not?”

“If Captain Bang sees I spent funds for things that could’ve been avoided, if he even knew that Taehyung is fooling around with this stuff, then there sure as hell won’t be a pay raise for me next week and Taehyung is gonna get his ass whipped.” Yoongi puffs his cheeks out in annoyance, and you cannot help but poke his cheek with your index finger, laughing when he smacks your hand away.

“I didn’t know Lieutenant Min grew soft over the years, now protecting Taetae from the big bad Bang,” you tease, lightly jabbing his cheek again, and he growls at you to stop.

“Okay, okay, fine, but let’s start looking around for the key then,” you sigh, tugging at the chain to pull Yoongi along with you and out of his office. The atmosphere in the station is unusually silent aside from light pen scratching or the occasional cough, while everyone is intently focusing on files laid out in front of them, heads bent down and suspiciously avoiding eye contact with the two of you. Taehyung and his partner, Jimin, are nowhere to be found.

“Yoongi! Eun Hee! Are you going out to interview the suspects now?” Hoseok approaches the two of you with a wider than usual grin. He fiddles around with the pen in his hand, fidgeting around a little as he looks anywhere but directly at you and Yoongi.

“Do you think we’d go out interrogating people with this?” Yoongi lifts up his chained wrist, yanking your arm up as well in the process. “They’d laugh in our faces.”

Hoseok winces. “So, uh, is this a bad time to ask you both to do doughnut duty? Tae usually does it, but he practically dragged Jimin towards the elevator to go do their patrolling after he ran out of your office. And seeing as you can’t really do anything else…”

⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆

Twenty minutes later, you and a very disgruntled Yoongi are walking out of the station, heading to the doughnut shop a few blocks down. The people passing by either stare at you two or avoid any eye contact entirely. You drag your feet as you are forced to follow behind the seething man in front of you. The chain clicks delicately between your two bodies, and Yoongi yanks it forward, you stumbling and your face almost becoming acquainted with the concrete beneath your feet. Shooting him a scathing glare as you now walk side by side, you rub your wrist where the metal chafes your skin before tugging the chain harshly, making Yoongi be the one to earn himself a near face plant this time around.

“I hate you.” He grumbles, aiming a well-placed look of annoyance at you.

“The feeling’s mutual.” You pause. “Why do you even have doughnut duty? You’re practically living proof of the most generic police stereotype.”

“Because doughnuts are god’s gift to humanity.” Yoongi glares at you before letting out a huff. “Why am I stuck with getting them like an errand boy anyway? I’m the fucking head of that department, and I have to get the goddamn doughnuts. This is what that rookie Jeon is for.”

“But you always eat the most doughnuts, don’t you?” You pause before giving him a sly smile. “Aren’t I right, Suga?”

Yoongi scowls at you, jerking the chain in retaliation and giving you another chance to familiarize yourself with the pavement. “Don’t call me that. You gave me the worst nickname ever, and even the instructors started calling me that.”

“At least your nickname matched with your doughnut obsession,” you retort. “Everyone kept calling me sweetheart a few days later, and I still don’t know why, like—”

“We’re here,” Yoongi abruptly interrupts, stopping in front of a quaint and cozy looking shop with glass windows allowing for you to see decorative displays and towers of doughnuts along with a glimpse of the interior. The powder blue and white striped awning overhead with the gold trimming is emblazoned with the word “Sprinkles” in neat cursive along with a simple doughnut silhouette.

Yoongi opens the door, and you hurriedly file in behind him, the door falling shut after you. With lights overhead that give off a soft, warm glow to the place, the interior is quite simple and bright with black and white checkered floors and white counters with pale blue spinning stools to sit on along with several matching tables and chairs. However, the prettiest, most eye-catching decorations of all are, without a doubt, the exquisite sugary sweets. The glass display cases exhibit immaculate, tantalizing doughnuts that have your mouth watering.

“You should wipe that drool off your chin,” Yoongi comments offhandedly, and your eyes widen as you hastily swipe your thumb over your bottom lip. “Wha—there is no drool, you asshole.”

Yoongi merely aims a half smirk your way before turning away from you as you begin to chew him out. He tilts his head upwards to scan through the menu written neatly on the chalkboard fashioned to the wall behind the counter. He can still see you from the corner of his eye, you being all puffed up and angry still, very much like a ruffled baby robin. Hiding the smile that threatens to make its appearance, he mutters, “Cute.”

“May I help you?” A girl around your age emerges from the back, carefully carrying out a freshly made tray of old fashioned glazed doughnuts. Wearing a light blue apron with the shop logo on the front, she smiles at you and Yoongi warmly as she maneuvers around behind the counter and skillfully transfers the treats into the glass display cases, artfully placing them on the waxed paper.

“One minute please,” Yoongi pleasantly answers, and you very poorly conceal your laugh with a cough. Min Yoongi being polite? You look out the window to see if pigs were flying outside.

After sliding the now empty tray beneath the counter, the girl pulls out four glazed doughnut holes and places them into a pyramid shape on a small, very pretty, blue, scallop and lace designed plate. Then, she sets it down in front of Yoongi and you.

“Take all the time you need! You can munch on those while you decide. Call if you need me. I’ll be in the back, getting more doughnuts.” She offers you two another cheerful grin, and you and Yoongi thank her as you each pick up one of the delicate sweets and pop it in your mouths. Closing your eyes, you almost moan at the taste when the fluffy and light pastry melts in your mouth, the sugary coating adding the perfect amount of sweetness to it.

“I need to come here more often,” you say aloud, and when Yoongi doesn’t reply with any sort of snarky remark, you look over to see him with a quite comical expression on his face. He had stuffed the remaining three doughnut holes into his mouth, resulting in having his cheeks puffed out very much akin to a certain woodland creature. You try to frown at him for eating more than his fair share of his sweets, but a laugh bubbles up from your throat as he looks at you innocently.

“You look like a chipmunk,” you tease him, gently prodding at his cheek with your finger, and he pouts at you, probably attempting to aim a few choice words at you, but being unable to do so with his mouth full. You chuckle, grinning mischievously, as you pull out your phone. “I should take a picture of you like this for the rest of the station to see, hmm?”

Yoongi yanks on the chain hard and glares at you scathingly. Laughter is heard, and the two of you drop your impromptu staredown when you see the doughnut shop owner smiling at the two of you. She offers an apologetic grin.

“You must be Yoongi and Eun Hee? When Tae came in earlier, he talked about you and something about handcuffs—” She gestures towards the connecting metal. “—and how he almost died or something like that.”

“That brat came here?”

The girl nods. “Yeah, he came in earlier than usual though and only ordered half a dozen sprinkled doughnuts this time. Do you want what he usually orders?”

“Yeah, that’d be great, thanks,” Yoongi answers, and the girl nods in acknowledgment before pulling out two simple blue boxes to begin placing the doughnuts inside. Yoongi lets out a long sigh before absentmindedly ruffling his hair with his hand. He tends to do that when he is stressed or thinking too hard about something, you mentally note.

“Here you go,” says the girl brightly, sliding the two filled and closed boxes towards you and Yoongi. “That’d be 22,600 won for two dozen please.”

Yoongi takes out his wallet, handing over the exact amount before pausing momentarily. “How much are the doughnut holes?”

“Oh, don’t worry about that.” The girl waves her hand dismissively and then gives you two a wink as Yoongi carries one box with his free hand and you cautiously balance the other box in yours. “It’s on the house for the cute couple.”

You both almost drop the boxes.

“W-wait, we’re not dating,” Yoongi stammers out, and you nod vigorously in agreement.

“Ah, really? I’m sorry, my mistake.” She smiles at you two sweetly. “Have a wonderful day!”

You and Yoongi stumble out of the shop, still somewhat bewildered and mortified. The usually stoic lieutenant is now blushing, and you imagine you are too with the way in which your face feels as if it is on fire. The walk back to the station is now enveloped by a weird, stifling tension; any sign of the familiar bantering between the two of you is now long gone.

“Can you believe she actually thought we were a couple?” you laugh nervously, trying to make up for the awkward silence.

“I know, right? Unbelievable.” He scoffs quietly, his cheeks still flaring up. He quickens his pace, and the tugging at your wrist forces you to try and keep up with the man.

“We’re both gonna end up with bruised wrists if you keep doing that,” you complain, sidestepping away from a man rushing past you. Yoongi halts in his steps, contemplating your words. Then, he reaches out and smoothly wraps his hand around yours, the cuffs no longer straining against your skin and the chain now hanging loose and not taut as it was moments ago. You stare at your interlocked fingers in disbelief. Yoongi tightens his grip on your hand before pulling you along to start walking again.

He swallows hard before saying stiffly, “There. Now, the handcuffs won’t bother you or me.”

You can only stare at him in utter shock for a few seconds before nodding wordlessly as you continue to make your way to the station. You squeeze his hand tightly as he maneuvers around a large crowd of people on the sidewalk, and to your surprise, you feel him silently doing the same, tugging you closer to him. Once the pair of you enter the station, no one comments on your still intertwined hands.

⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆

Two hours later, you find yourself still very much chained to one Lieutenant Min Yoongi with absolutely zero work done, no key in sight, and Taehyung still avoiding the station like the plague. You don’t really blame him. If you were at the top of the hit lists of two very experienced cops who can probably list off multiple variations of torture and murder, you would also be signing up for the Federal Witness Protection Program, packing your bags, and moving to the next country by the end of the day.

“I’m gonna strangle that boy when he gets back here,” growls Yoongi as the chain shakes and dangles pitifully between your hand and his.

“Careful. You don’t want to go down for first degree murder,” you mutter, flipping through the various stacks of files and papers Taehyung strewn across his desk for any glimpse of a shiny misplaced key.

“You’re right.” Yoongi pauses, taking a moment to glance over at you. “Should I try for second degree instead?”

“How about we change this topic to something more kid friendly?” Hoseok appears next to Yoongi, a nervous grin on his face. He pats Yoongi and you consolingly on the back when he looks down at the handcuffs still in place. “Or can you quiet down a bit?”

“Why? How about you try wearing these goddamn things that everyone keeps mistaking for BDSM kinky shit gone wrong?”

Hoseok pats Yoongi a little more forcefully on the back with a strained smile on his face as he hisses out his next words through clenched teeth. “There are small children in the room.”

“What?”

You sound so scandalized, and Yoongi has the decency to look somewhat ashamed when he turns around and sees sixteen pair of curious little eyes staring back at him in fascination. Of course, Yoongi groans, the local preschool was coming into the police station for a small field trip today, and he so very conveniently forgot.

“Um, mister,” a four-year-old pulls on Hoseok’s sleeve. “Why are they tied together? I thought only bad people wear that?”

Hoseok crouches down, pleasantly smiling at the young boy. “You’re right. They’re bad people who are on time out right now. Now, how about you go over to Officer Taehyung? You remember him, right? He and Officer Jimin came to visit you in your classroom before for career day. They’re both over there with some special treats for all of you.”

He points over to the far end of the room where Taehyung and Jimin, who had both returned to the station, set up a small table with sprinkled doughnuts and juice boxes. Taehyung looks a bit fidgety, his eyes darting from the two of you to the exit a few steps away from him, but he stays in his place. He and Jimin wave excitedly to the children, who immediately make a beeline towards them with overlapping choruses of “Officer Taetae!” and “Officer Chimchim!”

Hoseok positively beams before making his way over there, and you are sporting a similar grin on your face. Even Yoongi can’t hide the tiny smile when he sees two of his detectives almost knocked over by the tiny and cute bundles of energy that throw themselves into Taehyung and Jimin’s arms.

A tiny tug on Yoongi’s own arm has him peering down into the wide eyes of the very same four-year-old boy from before.

“Um, sir?”

“Yeah, kid?”

“What’s B… D… SM?

“… If I give you an extra doughnut, will you promise to never talk about that again?”

“Yes, sir.”

⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆

Lunch proved to be not as disastrous as you thought it would be. With timed coordination, you and Yoongi figured out how to eat your burgers without making a mess or losing any more money to the newly installed Swear Jar that Hoseok firmly planted on top of the file cabinets after one too many curses during the first hour of fruitless key searching. However, another problem makes its way to the surface. after Another three hours of hunting around for that goddamn piece of metal, you are unfortunately reminded of the consequences that inevitably comes with chugging a large drink of iced tea paired with your burger.

“Hey, Yoongi.”

“What?”

“I need to use the restroom.”

“What?”

“I said I need to use the restroom,” you repeat yourself, and Yoongi looks like a deer caught in the headlights, his usual stoic nature long gone. He can only stare at you, wide eyed and mouth agape, and you roll your eyes, dragging him in the direction of the bathrooms. “Are you really that surprised to find out that I, too, have normal body functions?”

Yoongi finally springs into action, pulling back his arm quickly and protesting, “Wait, but I can’t go in there!”

“Okay, should we go into the men’s room instead then?” You give him a deadpanned look, and he looks appalled. You start to make your way towards the men’s bathroom, and Yoongi yanks you back.

“You can’t go in there!”

“Well, make up your damn mind, or do you want me to pee in my pants?”

“No!”

No more than five minutes later, Yoongi finds himself standing in the women’s restroom, his face rivalling the sun. With one hand stretched into the stall and the other holding the stall door closed, he hands his head low and shuts his eyes, desperately willing all of this to be a dream. He tries to focus on the case instead, but the sound of liquid hitting the toilet just makes him want to curl up in a ball and die from humiliation. Finally, he hears the telltale crinkling of toilet paper and the flush that signals the end of his torture, and he can almost hear the salvation that is calling to him from just outside the bathroom door.

You open the stall door, and the two of you avoid any eye contact for the time being as you shuffle over to the sink and wash your hands. You wait for Yoongi to do the same, and then, you both walk towards the door. It suddenly flings open, and you are faced with two other officers, who look at you in surprise and then towards Yoongi.

“Oh! Um, I’m sorry to intrude,” one of them hastily apologizes, and they both back away. “I’m so sorry, Lieutenant Min and Sergeant Nam.”

“Wait! No, it’s okay! We weren’t doing anything!” You exclaim, your cheeks burning in mortification, but they already hurried off, most likely in search of another restroom. “Oh my god.”

Internally, Yoongi immensely agrees with your reaction. But externally, he merely glances over at you, a mixture of boredom and amusement painted on his face. “What’s the matter with you?”

“What’s the matter with me? What’s the matter with you?” you burst out, staring at him in disbelief. “They thought we had a bathroom quickie!”

“And? Did you wish it actually happened or something?” His mouth twists into a smirk. “Do you want to have sex with me, Sergeant Nam Eun Hee?”

You throw him a disgusted look. “Get your head out of the gutter. The only way you’d ever get laid is if you crawled up a chicken’s ass and waited.”

Cheeks still burning and head down, you quickly yank the bathroom door open and walk out, and the bane of your existence follows behind you with one of the smuggest looks you have ever seen. Wordlessly, he and you begin to search for the key again.

The bathroom incident is undoubtedly going to be filed away as the second most embarrassing moment in your life, you think and internally cringe. However, first place is still reserved for that time you got so unbelievably drunk at the academy’s graduation party and accepted Jennie’s dare, which ended up with you kissing a certain Min Yoongi. Of course, he never mentioned it to you after that night, so you are almost certain that he was also too incredibly intoxicated to remember, and for that, you are eternally grateful for the reliable powers of liquor.

You just wish the alcohol had worked for you, too.

⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆

It is now almost five p.m., and Yoongi lost nearly half his wallet to the Swear Jar. He also lost three of his doughnuts to the same little kid earlier, and that did not put him in a good mood at all. The key is still nowhere to be found, and you are seriously debating whether to give up and put all the contents of your purse into that damn jar and let out your inner demon to show how you truly feel about this whole ordeal to Taehyung and probably almost the entire population of Seoul.

“So, uh, how about you two just call it a day and go home?”

Hoseok appears by your side once again nervously, wincing when you slam a file cabinet shut. Jungkook, who had walked down to perform his mundane duty of cleaning the case files, immediately turns around and scurries into the breakroom. The sound of the faucet being turned on is heard a few seconds later along with vigorous scrubbing. After entering and sensing the tense atmosphere, Namjoon, Jimin, and Taehyung make an immediate beeline towards the breakroom as well, and the sound of four officers enthusiastically washing the coffee mugs fills the air one moment later.

You sigh, looking up irritably. “I refuse to spend a night attached to this asshole.”

“The feeling’s mutual.” Yoongi scowls at you.

“Look, we’ll all look for the key for you. You both really should go home and rest after such an… eventful day.” Hoseok shifts uncomfortably in his spot, eyes darting back and forth from you to Yoongi. “Everyone is… a bit tense right now, so… you both should go home and relax.”

You and Yoongi stay silent, refusing to look at each other, as you debate over your options. Hoseok huffs in annoyance. “Look, we’ll call you if we find it, okay?”

“… Alright,” Yoongi begrudgingly agrees, and your head whips around to stare at him in disbelief.

“Are you serious?”

“We’re going to my apartment because I need to take care of Holly.” Yoongi completely ignores you, walking into his office to swipe the case file off his desk, and you are dragged behind him amidst protests. You quickly swipe your bag up, slinging it over your shoulder, before he pulls you out of his office again.

“Nope, you’re not taking this.” Hoseok swipes the papers from Yoongi’s grasp before ushering the two of you out of the station. “Seriously, go relax. Don’t think of work… or the handcuffs.”

“Well, how am I supposed not think of the thing that’s making my life a living hell?” Yoongi quips sarcastically, and you open your mouth to let out a retort, but Hoseok cuts you off quickly with an exasperated sigh.

“Just… play with your dog or watch a movie or do something that doesn’t require a lot of movement. And try not to kill each other.”

You give him a half-smile as Yoongi drags you out of the building. “No promises there.”

“And I’m taking your squad car, Hoseok!”

⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆

After a ten minute argument of whether it’d be better to take the train—your usual and preferred mode of transportation—or Yoongi’s car, you find yourself struggling to climb over the car controls to get yourself comfortable in the passenger seat. Yoongi smoothly slides into the driver’s seat and lets out a huff of impatience, which lands him a solid kick in his thigh in retaliation as you finally crawl over the shifts and settle down.

Giving you a dirty look in which you return it tenfold, he starts the car and begins the drive to his apartment. You lean forward to flick on the radio, mildly surprised when an already inserted CD begins to play, but the rapping that comes forth from the speakers suits you enough that you relax back in your seat. Yoongi peers over at you tentatively, checking for your reaction, but you seem content, bobbing your head slightly to the music.

“Do you… do you like the song?” Yoongi inquires hesitantly, and you turn to him, a genuine smile on your face.

“Yeah, it’s really nice,” you comment, “I haven’t heard of it before though, so who’s the artist?”

“Me.”

“You’re joking.”

“Nope.” He glances over at you with a small smirk playing on his lips. “Surprised?”

“Mm, a bit.” You hum in response. “But it’s not that big of a surprise since I caught you rapping in the showers a lot.”

Yoongi’s eyes fly open, and he almost hits the brakes. “You heard?”

“Are you really that shocked? You were rapping in the communal bathrooms.”

“Yeah, but I thought no one else showers at three in the morning.” His face has taken on the palest hues of red, and you have to hide your smile, pretending not to notice.

“Well, I guess you learn something new every day.”

Avoiding all eye contact with you now, he keeps his line of sight directly on the road ahead of him. “… Do you really like my rapping though?”

“Wow, is the Lieutenant Min Yoongi actually fishing for compliments from me?”

“Shut up.”

The remainder of the drive is relatively quiet, aside from the music. You lean your head against the side of the car, gazing out the window and watching the buildings pass by in the blur, unaware of the silent glances as Yoongi’s eyes flit over to your still figure at every red light.

When he reaches the building, he pulls into an available parking spot before unbuckling his seatbelt. You wordlessly do the same, and Yoongi starts to get out of the car as you make your way over the car controls. Sliding onto the driver’s seat, you quickly tug at the handcuffs, causing Yoongi to look over at you. You smile faintly, slightly tilting your head to one side and color rising in your cheeks.

“Yes, Yoongi, I really, really do like your rapping.”

⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆

Yoongi unlocks the door to his apartment and steps into the darkened area with you on his heels. Closing the door behind you and kicking off your shoes, the clicking of paws against the hardwood floors is heard, and a brown, curly haired dog comes into view, bounding towards the man next to you. You are suddenly pulled down towards the floor, forced into an awkward crouch, when Yoongi drops to his knees, extending his arms out towards his dog.

“Holly!”

The dog bounds straight into Yoongi’s embrace, and your heart all but melts when you see the dog happily licking away at its owner’s face. Yoongi is grinning broadly now, laughing freely, and you find yourself smiling as well until the dog jumps over to you, catching you off guard as you fall back on your bottom with an “oomph!”

“He likes you,” Yoongi comments, amusedly watching his dog excitedly spring onto you.

“I’m glad. I like Holly, too,” you manage to say in between giggles as the dog continues to give you kisses all over your face. You laugh with delight, running your hand across the dog’s back, returning its affections wholeheartedly.

Yoongi quietly observes you happily playing with his dog with a small smile forming on his lips. With your hair loosely tied back, small wisps falling out, eyes scrunched up as peals of laughter bubble out from your naturally pink lips, he can’t help but think that you look absolutely beautiful in this very moment.

Hurriedly brushing away those thoughts with the lightest blush now on his cheeks, Yoongi clears his throat. “So, do you want to watch something on Netflix?”

Scooping up Holly in your arms, you look up at him, a cheeky smile quirking on your lips. “Are you asking me to Netflix and chill?”

“W-What?” he splutters, abruptly standing up in his haste and accidently yanking you up as well. “No, I just—”

You chuckle, walking over to his couch as he hopelessly follows behind and settles in the spot next to you. “I’m joking, Yoongi. What do you want to watch?”

“Oh.” He pauses, attempting to calm himself down, as his heart is still beating quite erratically from your small scare. “Criminal Minds?”

“Sounds good.”

The sounds from the television soon fill the air as the two of you quiet down and get caught up in the show playing on the screen. Holly settles down right between the two of you snugly, its head resting upon its paws and tail moving slightly before dropping down.

Yoongi silently marvels at how Derek Morgan can easily kick down any door. Last time he tried doing that, he was one hundred percent sure that he almost broke his foot. Granted, he was a new and very ambitious cop at the time, but that time marked the first and last time he would ever try breaking through solid oak.

Three episodes later, the growling sound of your empty stomach cuts through the air, and Yoongi raises an eyebrow at you, amused. Even Holly lifts its head up to investigate where the noise originated from.

“Um, I’ll go make dinner.”

You hastily stand up, pausing the show and forcing Yoongi to move from his comfortable position with a groan as he is dragged behind you. Wandering into his kitchen area, you open up the refrigerator where only a sad, half-filled carton of eggs, a gallon of milk, and some coffee creamer rest on the shelves. Furrowing your eyebrows, you close the fridge before peering through his cupboards, seeing nothing but several bags of ground coffee beans and packs of ramen.

“How are you even alive? Is your body purely fueled by caffeine and MSG? Do you not know how to cook?” You stare at him in shock.

“I can cook,” he grumbles, shutting the wooden cabinets firmly before pulling you back over to the couch and plopping down with you following suit. “But I’m too tired to after getting home at midnight every night. Let’s just order pizza.”

Agreeing, you take out your cell phone and place an order. You inform Yoongi that the pepperoni pizza with extra cheese and stuffed crust will be coming in twenty minutes, and he nods silently in response. The comfortable ambiance settles once again after Yoongi unpauses the episode, and you relax back into the cushions as Holly comes and curls up in your lap.

Propping his elbow on the armrest as he leans his head onto his hand, Yoongi finds himself watching you out of the corner of his eye more often than not, his eyes wandering over to your figure no matter how hard he tries to focus them on the television screen in front of him. You are much more interesting and far prettier than Spencer Reid and listening to him explain the scientific accuracies in Star Trek. He smiles subconsciously when your eyebrows furrow in the slightest way as you are transfixed with the action filled scene playing out in front of you, mouth popping open in surprise and glimmering eyes wide in fascination with your long and dark eyelashes framing them prettily.

The abrupt knocking on the door startles you out of your trace, and Yoongi hastily averts his eyes when you look over towards him. Gently nudging Holly out of your lap, you stand up and Yoongi pauses the show, walking with you to the door.

“Wait, here.” Yoongi hurriedly pulls out his wallet and fumbles with it before pulling out a couple of bills and handing them to you.

“What?” You stare at the money in your hand, beginning to protest. “No, you already paid for the doughnuts and lunch. I’ll pay for th—”

“You can pay for doughnuts tomorrow then. Just get the pizza.” Yoongi unlocks the door and swings it open, hidden from view behind the door. You stand in the doorway, startled, and then lean against the door, your left hand holding it steady. A very attractive delivery man smiles at you pleasantly, holding out the cardboard box towards you.

“One pepperoni pizza with extra cheese and stuffed crust for the beautiful lady?”

Yoongi has a very strong urge to punch pizza boy’s face repeatedly.

You ignore the poorly disguised scoff from the scowling man behind the door and laugh quietly, smiling shyly back at the man. “Yes, thank you. Here’s the money.”

The man hands you the box before taking the money, and you almost drop it after failing to balance it in one hand, and he quickly helps you to steady it.

“Woah, there. Precious cargo.” He winks at you, and your face immediately feels hot as another giggle bubbles from your throat, and Yoongi sees red.

Suddenly, the door is pulled back farther, and you almost fall over, shoulder bumping into Yoongi’s chest. The blush on your cheeks darken when Yoongi wraps his hand around yours, jangling the handcuffs obnoxiously and causing the man to look down, his eyes widening.

“You know, sweetheart, I don’t know if pizza will work for the food play you’ve been begging me to do. I’m already having a hard time keeping up with the police roleplay and BDSM you wanted,” Yoongi loudly announces, and you freeze, your face now rivalling an oven.

The delivery man’s face pales considerably before he begins to back away. “U-Uh, okay, enjoy the pizza and have a good day!”

“No, wait, that wasn’t—!” Darkening shades of cerise appear on your face as you desperately try to explain the situation, but the man is already retreating further and further away, speed walking until he enters the elevator and hastily closes the door. Whirling around on your heel, you jab your finger into Yoongi’s chest harshly.

“What the fuck was that for, Min Yoongi?”

“I, um…”

Because I was jealous.

Because I’m the only one who should make you smile like that.

Because I want to be the only one who makes you laugh.

“Because I was hungry and I wanted some pizza, but you were taking too long,” he lamely replies.

“You’re an asshole.”

You roll your eyes with a scoff, making your way over to the couch again and dropping the box onto the coffee table. Yoongi silently takes a seat next to you as you pull out a slice of pizza for yourself before he takes one as well. You angrily hit the button to unpause the show, refusing to look over at the man next to you for the remainder of the episode.

⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆

Let’s get this straight. Brushing your teeth attached to him was fine, and so was washing your face. Going to the bathroom was embarrassing, but you can deal with that. Hell, even wearing a pair of Yoongi’s sweatpants in exchange for your uncomfortable fitted uniform pants was fine with you. But sleeping in the same bed with the man who is the sole cause of the biggest headache you have had to endure?

That is where you draw the line.

Literally.

By using several pillows.

“Okay, so you stay on your side, and I stay on mine, and we can survive the night without killing each other.”

“Agreed.”

You and Yoongi stand at the end of his bed, staring at the lumpy mound hidden under the comforter that the two of you had created straight down the center of the mattress. Carefully, you both crawl onto the bed, making sure to move your handcuffed arms at the same time to avoid any accidental face plants if someone jerks their hand at the wrong time. The both of you safely make it under the covers, your linked arms lying limply on top of the pillow barrier and blanket.

“Good night, Yoongi.”

You close your eyes, hoping that sleep will overtake you soon. He doesn’t answer, and you assume he is already knocked out cold. You bite back a smile. He never did really have a problem with falling asleep quickly; you remember how he accidentally drifted off during one too many times at the stakeouts during training. Of course, he always denied it whenever you had to shake him awake, claiming to be merely resting his eyes for a second.

When Yoongi finally hears your breaths even out as you are soon enraptured in dreams and make-believe, he softly mumbles:

“Good night, sweetheart.”

⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆

When you wake up, you find yourself sprawled across one very much knocked out Min Yoongi. While he currently has as much consciousness as a boulder, you soon realize that his chest makes a good substitute for a pillow and hidden beneath his shirt are some really nice abs. And you immediately become extremely mortified when you comprehend that you can confirm the existence of his abs because your hand had somehow slipped under his shirt during the night and you were pretty much feeling him up.

With your heart nearly thudding out of your chest, you hastily pull your hand out and carefully place it next to his head on the pillow in order to steadily raise yourself out of the compromising position. But from your vantage point, you are able to see how handsome Yoongi really is: his dark eyelashes flutter against his rosy cheeks as he is still somewhere in dreamland, the crease between his eyebrows now gone, small puffs of breath leaving between his pink lips, how soft and smooth his skin is. Absolutely mesmerized, you dare to reach out and gently brush back the stray, silky, soft strands of his hair out of his face, a small smile peeking out on your lips.

And then, you realize how completely embarrassing it would be if Yoongi woke up and saw you, so you quickly retract your hand. Out of the corner of your eye, you finally notice the numbers on the digital clock on his nightstand.

It reads 9:27 a.m.

Well, that must be a mistake. You blink twice, but the same numbers glare back at you.

“Shoot,” you mumble, panic rising inside of you, as your eyes dart around the room. You have never been late to work before, and you would bet a dozen sugared doughnuts that Yoongi hasn’t either.

Wistfully, you gaze back down at the peacefully sleeping Yoongi with one last gentle smile. And then, you reach out and harshly flick Yoongi’s forehead.

“Wake up, sleeping beauty!”

Yoongi reacts immediately, his eyes opening in an instant and squinting at you. His morning voice comes out rather rough, slightly slurred, and deeper than usual, and you have to chastise yourself for almost swooning.

“What the fuck, Eun Hee?”

“Get up! It’s 9:27! We’re late for work!”

At your words, his eyes widen, and his head turns to take a glimpse of the clock before a stream of obscene words that you dare not to repeat leaves his mouth. He sits up immediately, forcing you to sit up as well before dragging you out of bed and into the bathroom where the two of you haphazardly go through your morning routines, swiping your toothbrushes over your teeth quickly and dragging your fingers through your hair in an attempt to comb it. At this point, neither of you even bat an eyelash when the other needs to use the toilet, too preoccupied with finishing as rapidly as possible to get down to the station.

The two of you make a mad dash to the front door where you start to put on your shoes when you make a startling discovery.

“Yoongi, our pants—”

Yoongi looks down and curses beneath his breath when he realizes you both are in pajama pants, and you both sprint back to the bedroom. He grabs the pants, throwing your pair at you as you quickly stripped out of the borrowed sweatpants and pull on your uniform pants, frowning a little when it feels looser than usual but there’s no time to dwell on fashion mishaps. Yoongi quickly changes, and you two dash out the door with a rushed shout of goodbye to Holly. After learning from yesterday’s first try, you skillfully maneuver your way over the car controls and land safely in your seat as Yoongi slides into the driver’s seat, starting up the car and immediately pressing down on the gas pedal.

“You might want to turn on the sirens… You’re passing Jin’s patrol area, and I wouldn’t put it past him to let you go without a speeding ticket with the way you’re driving,” you comment, and Yoongi glances over at you, contemplating your words for a few seconds before flipping on the flashing lights and blaring alarm.

Yoongi’s automobile essentially flies over the asphalt at the speed he is going, and cars move out of his way in an instant whether it be due to the sirens or avoiding an untimely fate of becoming a flat metal pancake on the road. In record time, Yoongi messily parks the car in front of the station, and you scramble to get out of the car before he yanks your arm out of its socket. He hurriedly rushes up the steps as you follow behind him, safely making it into the building in one piece.

Tapping his foot impatiently as he jabs at the button for the third floor, Yoongi shifts around uncomfortably, mumbling, “I didn’t even eat any doughnuts yet. Why are my pants so fucking tight?”

The elevator doors slide open with a quiet ding, and you and Yoongi stride into the main room. Almost immediately, everyone’s eyes are focused on the two of you: some in amazement that last night didn’t end with a 911 call about either one of you getting mauled by the other and others in amusement that you both are still handcuffed to each other.

And one particular pair of eyes seemed to be trailed on the backside of Min Yoongi as Taehyung walks by and does a double take before winking exaggeratedly, “Wow, boss, you’re gonna give the jibooty a run for its money. Have you been doing squats secretly or something?”

“Tae!” Jimin, who is definitely carrying the brunt of the secondhand embarrassment as well as the seething terror emitted by his new boss, runs up and throws his hand over his partner’s mouth before dragging him away.

After throwing Taehyung a scathing look, Yoongi scans the room until he sees Hoseok and then proceeds to pull you over towards his partner. Hoseok, bearing a very guilty look, fiddles timidly with his badge before greeting Yoongi and you nervously.

“H-Hey, Eun Hee… Yoongi.”

“Did any of you manage to find the key yet?” Yoongi speaks up.

“Um, well, you see… no. We didn’t. But we’ll keep looking now!” Hoseok beams another smile at Yoongi. “And uh, Tae is right. Your behind is looking very… shapely in those pants today.”

“Hoseok.”

“Yeah?”

“For the love of doughnuts, please don’t ever compliment my butt again.”

“Duly noted.”

⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆

Taehyung had resumed his doughtnut duty today, and a fresh box of old fashion glazed doughnuts has been placed neatly in the center of Yoongi’s desk. After having a quick breakfast consisting of the sugary, fried sweets and the station’s watered down coffee, you and Yoongi resume your search around the station for the misplaced key with the help of several officers.

After almost fifteen minutes have passed, Yoongi glances over and notices that you are no longer looking for the key, but rather—

“Now isn’t the time to be ogling my ass, Sergeant .” Yoongi smirks, and you scowl at him, yet a telltale rosy dusting is already coming upon your cheeks.

“For your information, I was trying to see if you’re actually wearing my pants, asshole.” You narrow your eyes at him, and he seems to deflate a bit as his own cheeks turn red. “We probably mixed them up this morning while we were freaking out about being late because the ones I’m wearing are a little loose.”

“Well, I didn’t know you two were in the borrowing clothes stage of the relationship already.” Taehyung sidles up between the two of you, slinging his arms over your shoulder and Yoongi’s. Simultaneously, he gets a dirty look from either side of him, but he merely deflects it with an easy going grin. “How’s my favorite couple doing?”

“We’re not a couple,” you correct him sharply, slamming the drawer you were sorting through a little too angrily, and making both men next to you wince. “We are two very angry adults stuck together, like little kids doing the three leg race, except we can’t take off this damn thing that’s connecting us because of some ridiculous dare orchestrated by, oh, who was it again? Oh right, you!”

The detective visibly flinches before retreating, hastily saying, “Okay, well, I’ll come back later.”

“Taehyung, you better sleep with one eye open for as long as I have this goddamn metal wrapped around my wrist. And you better get your last will and testimony in check.”

“Okay, you know what? I thought the free pizza for a month would be worth it, but I’m sorry, boss, my life is more important. I have so much to live for, especially since I haven’t even confessed to the love of my life who’s waiting for me in the doughnut shop right now, so good bye! I’m cashing in one of my emergency vacation break days now!”

With that, Taehyung dashes out of the room and repeatedly hits the down button of the elevator. But you turn to Yoongi, eyebrows raised. “What is he apologizing to you for, Yoongi? Did you tell him to do this?”

“I, uh, I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Yoongi stammers out, and your forehead wrinkles in apprehension as you eye him suspiciously.

His eyes avert away from yours and momentarily land on a spot somewhere near the front pocket of your pants. Following his gaze downwards, you notice the ring of eyes attached to the belt loop, temporarily confused.

But these are Yoongi’s pants and those are his keys, you realize with a jolt, and one of those keys could be—

“You’d have the master key to all the handcuffs as lieutenant, wouldn’t you?”

“What? No—wait! No, what are you doing?! They’re not on there!” Yoongi desperately reaches out for the keys, but you are quicker, snapping them off of the loop and holding them away from him. Your eyes scan over the keys, looking for a small one that would fit your handcuffs. Bingo.

You nimbly insert the key into your side of the handcuffs and the silver metal falls away from your wrist easily. You gently rub at the sore, reddened imprint of the ring slightly before tossing the keys towards Yoongi with a bit more force than necessary along with a glare. Everyone in the room is silent, staring at the two of you in mingled shock and dread. The both of you are ticking bombs when together, and you are the one who finally explodes, quiet words slicing the tension.

“If you really hated me that much and wanted to stop me from working on your case, you could’ve just filed a report instead of doing something as stupid and inconsiderate as this.”

Tears of anger start to well up in your eyes, and you blink rapidly, brushing them away, as you turn away from Yoongi. Frozen momentarily, he snaps out of it, struggling to quickly take off his end of the handcuffs before reaching out towards you as his fingers curl around your wrist.

“No, wait, Eun Hee, fuck, I—”

“Am I some kind of joke to you? I know you hate me, but I thought you could at least respect me as your co-worker,” you spit out, wrenching your arm out of his grasp with a scathing look.

“No, I—fuck, you’re completely wrong. It’s the complete opposite of that, I don’t—god, you got this all wrong,” Yoongi exclaims desperately.

“Then explain it to me.” You curl your hands into tightly clenched fists, fingernails leaving crescent shaped markings in your palm as you try to control your emotions. “If I’m so wrong, then tell me the right answer.”

“I—”

His mouth opens and close, no words forming and no explanation to be found. Finally, he averts his eyes from yours as crimson blossoms on his cheeks, mouth now clamped shut, and you let out a disappointed sigh before shaking your head and walking away again.

“I’m in fucking love with you, okay?”

You pause in your steps, and you can feel his stare burning a hole through the back of your head. Swallowing the lump in your throat, you turn on your heel and face him once more hesitantly.

“I just, fuck,” He runs his hand through his hair in frustration as he closes his eyes and finally lets it all out, putting his heart on the line.

“I had the biggest fucking crush on you ever since the first day of the academy and you completely destroyed everyone in every class. You were so focused on acing everything, and I thought the only way you’d actually notice me was if I worked harder, too. And it worked, didn’t it? Maybe not to the degree I was hoping for, but you finally noticed me after my name topped yours on the grades list.”

Yoongi laughs humorlessly, finally meeting your eyes. “That was the only way I could get your attention because I was too chicken to ask you out. And that time, you kissed me drunk, and I was on fucking cloud nine and thanked my lucky stars that I was completely sober when you did that. But you never said anything about it the next day, so I kept my mouth shut, too, because I figured it was just a drunk mistake. And shit, I still have the most embarrassing crush on you now after all those years, and I was desperate enough to let Taehyung interfere, but it just backfired, and I look like the biggest fucking idiot now because I made you hate me even more.”

He lets out a deep breath, and his confession now hangs bare in the still air. Your heart is thumping faster than ever, and your mind is going haywire as realization finally hits you, and you almost laugh out of relief before you compose yourself, stating seriously:

“Lieutenant Min Yoongi, you really are the biggest fucking idiot.”

Yoongi exhales, looking away from you. “I know.”

“But I’m in fucking love with you, too.”

Yoongi’s head snaps up to stare at you in surprise, and you smile at him tenderly. His eyes flit over your face, searching for any signs of mirth or mockery but he finds none. Biting his bottom lip and swallowing hard, he asks nervously, “Do you really mean it?”

Taking several steps towards him and closing in the distance between you and him, you are centimeters away from the man before you whisper quietly, “Yes, I really, really mean it.”

Yoongi’s heart palpitates erratically, and he finds that he has a very hard time breathing when—

“Just kiss her, you idiot!” Hoseok’s voice is heard as he loudly whispers from the breakroom.

Laughing softly, you tilt your head up towards him, and he looks back at you, a questioning expression on his face. You nod almost imperceptibly before he gently cups his hands under your chin and presses his lips against you. Your hands softly land on his chest as your fingers grasp onto the front of his shirt lightly. Your heart beats furiously against your ribcage, and you can feel his lips curl into a smile as he kisses you, and you kiss him back.

“And ten dollars to the Swear Jar!”

You and Yoongi don’t get to witness Hoseok’s appalled expression, but you definitely hear the indignant, horrified shriek from the man when the two of you simultaneously give him the middle finger salute.

⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ⋆

“Do you want to know why everyone started calling you ‘sweetheart’?”

Yoongi idly asks, absentmindedly stirring his coffee as he sits across from you in Sprinkles. The two of you often visit the doughnut shop together, one of your and his joint favorite date stops. Popping one of the doughnut holes into your mouth, you nod, looking at him with interest.

“Do you remember Hoseok being the first one who called you that?”

“Yeah.” You can recall the memory in detail. “I was startled when he greeted me with that pet name, and all the other cadets started calling me that, too, and he wouldn’t tell me why no matter how many times I bugged him about it.”

“It was because he knew I liked you.” Yoongi’s cheeks flare up as he finally admits, and you grin, reaching out to poke them, but he swats your hand away embarrassedly. “You called me Suga, and well, Suga stands for sugar, which is sweet… and Hoseok decided to make fun of me by giving you a ridiculous nickname that stood for my huge ass crush for you—essentially something about you being my heart and sugar sweet or some corny shit like that.”

“That’s really corny, but also cute as hell, oh my god.” You can’t hide the wide smile that slides onto your face, and he merely groans, dragging his hand over his face.

“It’s so embarrassing, I—”

Clunk.

You both look down to see that something had fallen out of Yoongi’s pocket.

A familiar pair of handcuffs glint back up at you in the light.

“… Why do you still have those?”

“Well, I was thinking about later how we can…” His lips curve into a devilish, suggestive smirk as he trails off from the end of his sentence before your eyes widen in realization.

“Oh my fucking god, Yoongi.”

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