#HES SO UUUUUUUUHG

[xo-cuteplosion-xo]

I Was very much dead before watching the trailer but rn

Dbekwkekwk NIKOLAI

Who let this man be that fucking pretty

BRUH

And then that shot of chuuya

Plz thay was djeiejekekekeos

And dazai

Djsowowowowowkwkwo

I AM AWAKE NOW

And about to go take screenshots of the trailer ao I can have animated nikolai

I just dos my theme like two weeks ago to fit chuuua

I'm gonna abandon him for a bit for nikolai

I've already seen the edits

ppl got on it so fast

No but srsly fyodor o-o rlly be lookin fantastic in the jail... definitely prefer manga fyo to that hot mess o-o

Idk about nikolai voice though- it reminds me of alostar from Hazbin hotel (who I find hot don't get me wrong but idk if I like ot on nikolai)

[lovecolibri]

SaL anon here thinking we need to bring some Malex feels today, so let's talk about Touch. This song is beautiful, painful, and easily one of my favs. Right from the start we are assaulted with the Malexness in the lyrics "fall in love with a single touch, fall apart when it hurts so much" and it doesn't get any easier. This is more of an Alex song since it's about trying to feel again after disconnecting, and with the references to sirens and moving parts, but the sad journey ends with feeling.

Uuuuuuuuhg, this song KILLS me! I love it so much and it's such an Alex song it hurts. With Alex losing his leg and "near death" experiences and it talking about finding feeling again it just hurts from a physical AND emotional level. I'm soooo excited to talk about this one! It's my favorite of the sense songs (closely followed by Sight) and we deserve to have some Alex feels today.

When will I feel this As vivid as it truly is Fall in love in a single touch And fall apart when it hurts too much

Stoooop, it already hurts so much. This is just, big Teen!Malex vibes especially because Alex cannot afford any vulnerability as his dad so clearly is willing to maim a literal teenager to prove a point, and all Alex knows how to do is wall himself off when things get to be too much. It's a defense mechanism and unfortunately leaves Michael on the outside.

Can we skip past near-death clichés Where my heart restarts, as my life replays? All I want is to flip a switch Before something breaks that cannot be fixed

Oof oof oof. This is injured Alex feels, especially the incident where he looses his leg. He doesn't talk about it, about what flashed through his mind as he was dying (but he SHOULD and I want to see that, if not in season 3, then in season 4. I NEED to see a flashback of him thinking about Michael as he's dying. I NEED IT). This song also has some of my favorite lines and "All I want is to flip a switch Before something breaks that cannot be fixed" is one of them. It also speaks to Alex thinking he can just decide to be cool with being with Michael around his dad only to find it's not as easy as flipping a switch, as well as making me think of Michael saying he can't just "flip as switch from tortured lust to 'sup bro'" implying that he thinks Alex can and while it might look that way from the outside, Alex is struggling too.

I know, I know the sirens sound Just before the walls come down Pain is a well-intentioned weatherman Predicting God as best he can But God, I want to feel again

Uuuugh. "Pain is a well-intentioned weatherman Predicting God as best he can But God, I want to feel again" is another favorite line, and one that hits for Alex because of his leg and the pain that tells him when it's going to rain and when he's been working too hard, and reminds him of the things he can't do and the things he lost and everything tied up in all that. And how hard he works to shut that all away but you can't cut off feeling just one thing without cutting off feeling *everything*

Rain or shine, I don't feel a thing Just some information upon my skin I miss the subtle aches when the weather changed The barometric pressure we always blamed All I want is to flip a switch Before something breaks that cannot be fixed

This again is about Alex shutting down and not feeling things, especially being in a warzone, and now he's afraid he won't ever be able to fully open back up but he knows if he doesn't he will never be able to move forward with Michael and he has to do that now, "before something breaks that cannot be fixed."

Invisible machinery These moving parts inside of me Well, they've been shutting down for quite some time Leaving only rust behind

Well I know, I know the sirens sound Just before the walls come down Pain is a well-intentioned weatherman Predicting God as best he can But God, I want to feel again Oh God, I want to feel again

😭😭😭 Oh man, something about Alex feeling like he's broken as a kid because he doesn't feel the right things for girls he's "supposed" to, and thinking there's something broken now because he's shut off all his emotions and isn't sure he can get them back before it's too late, and feeling like he only sees his father in the mirror. The PAIN this song brings to me is unreal.

Down my arms, a thousand satellites Suddenly discover signs of life

And of course, it wouldn't be a Sleeping at Last song if Ryan didn't end it with hope. I'm thinking of Alex singing that song, pouring all the pent-up emotion into the words, cracking himself open, flipping the switch, letting himself feel it all at once, and then sharing it with other people because he is ready to feel again. *incoherent sobbing*

[shotgunsandstars]

Back for More 87

Red herring, it’s what’s for dinner

If you’re reading this here or over on AO3 a reblog to share would be super cool.

AO3 mirror

The car still wasn’t in the driveway when Desmond got home. He texted his dad asking as he got off his bike. Where were they? As he did he saw Duncan had replied to him. ‘/Jaimie/ thinks you both look very cute together’.

Desmond snorted. ‘Sure she does.’

He unlocked the door, reading some more texts from Altair, so not paying attention at all, when he almost ran into someone. “Desmond!”

He jerked to a stop with a start. “Mom?” he asked, his heart hammering.

“Where have you been, young man?” Chloe demanded, hands on her hips.

“I went out for lunch with my friends,” he stammered.

“You didn’t leave a note. You didn’t text or call.”

“I did. I did! Uh—“ he opened his message with his mom on his phone. “See. I totally texted you.” Desmond could not handle when his mom went all super parent on him. His dad he could deal with because he knew what to expect from his dad. He was just a grumpy white dude. His half hispanic mother? Desmond hadn’t really known spanish as a kid but he sure knew when his mom had scolded Duncan or Dylan in Spanish so bad they’d literally turned inside out. She was a super nice lady ninty percent of the time unless she thought her sons were acting up or were in trouble. He’d also seen her go off on one of Duncan’s old principals when he’d gotten into a fight with some kid who’d called him a faggot.

She’d never had to yell at Desmond. Partially because he was her baby and partially because he was never got in trouble because he was so boring. He had no idea how to handle his mom when she got ‘protective Spanish mom’ on him but apparently, it was to make himself look as innocent as possible.

She narrowed her eyes a little and took his phone. “Did you get your father’s texts?”

“No,” Desmond shook his head quickly. “Last time I heard from dad was when I asked about having the sleepover.”

She looked over his phone and he peered over to make sure she wasn’t noticing his conversation with Altair. The texts had been fairly innocent but not all of them were. Instead, she just went to his conversation with William to check to make sure he wasn’t lying. Desmond licked his lips, waiting. “Okay,” she said and handed him his phone back. Then she hugged him and that was a bit unexpected. “I was so worried. You weren’t answering us.”

“Sorry. I was literally just here and then I went to lunch and came right back,” Desmond hugged her back. “I was wondering where you guys were too.”

“We went to the store.” She let him go. “Did you actually cook yourself breakfast this morning? I noticed some things were missing.”

“Uh- erm… my friend Altair likes to cook and insisted he make breakfast.”

Chloe’s eyes widened in surprise. “Really? Ha, you should get some pointers from him then.”

“Ah… yeah. Probably.”

“You’re home for the rest of the day?”

“Proooobably,” he said. Well there went going to hang out with Altair before work. “I have homework.”

“And your chores,” she reminded him sternly.

“Yeah. I didn’t forget,” he said. “Also me and my friends were going to go up to Sugarloaf tomorrow and do some fishing.”

“You won’t be bridge jumping, will you? You know I hate when you do that,” she said, voice full of concern.

“Ahhhh…

“Desmond,” she said sternly.

“I mean Clay might. I won’t,” he said and at the moment meant it.

“Good. I’m glad you’re going to spend time with all your friends. Seems like you only spend time with Clay anymore. Are they still doing well?”

“Yeah,” Desmond said. He felt so awkward lying to his mom. And poor Clay. He’d used him as an excuse since he and Altair had started dating to stay out late or spend the night somewhere. Was a great excuse but there was a reason his friends had had an ‘intervention’.

“Good.”

“I’m gonna go work on my homework. I have an evil English essay to do,” he groaned.

“It isn’t due on Monday is it?” Chloe asked with a knowing look of disapproval.

“No. It’s due next Monday. I’m just making myself suffer two weekends writing it instead of one.”

That made his mom laugh a little. “Alright. Well, I’m glad you weren’t purposefully ignoring us.”

“No way. I always respond to texts.” That wasn’t even a lie. He did. At least if he could and wasn’t at work or school.

With that, he went to his room and sat on his bed. “Holy shit,” he said to himself. Why had that made him so nervous? Probably because he’d seen what his mom did to Duncan when he would fuck off for the day. Or maybe cause he knew he could have been in actual trouble for skipping school on Friday and that would have been grounds for disappointment and probably grounding. Not to mention he hated lying to his mom. His dad he could do but his mom? She was just so great he felt so bad when he lied to her.

He opened his conversation with Altair. ‘Don’t think I can come over before work. Sorry :,c’

‘After work?’

‘My parents thought I was ignoring them so I don’t wanna push my luck’ ‘I’m going fishing with friends tomorrow though!’

‘Okay’

‘Wanna come?’

‘Fishing?’ ‘Where?’

‘Down at Sugarloaf’ ‘Lucy told me to invite you’

Altair didn’t respond right away. Desmond got up and went to his desk and opened his still shiny and new Macbook from Christmas to work on his essay and basically use it to cheat at math because he hated writing out the proofs for things when he could just do the problems. He’d start on the math first since that could be done rather quickly. He turned on some music as he worked and then his phone made Altair’s text tone.

‘Where are you going to fish?’

‘Off the bridge’

More silence. Maybe he was busy. Desmond went back to his math and had done half of the problems before Altair texted him again. ‘Wanna use my boat?’

Desmond cocked his head to the side. ‘What?’

‘I have a boat’

‘I know you have a boat’

‘Instead of bridge fishing we could just use my boat’ ‘If you wanted to’

‘Seriously?’

‘Sure’

Desmond immediately opened the big conversation he had with his friends. ‘Yoooooooooooo. Altair is offering a boat for the fishing tomorrow’

Clay replied, basically, instantly. ‘He’s got a boat?!?!!?!??!?!’

‘That’s super cool!’ Rebecca replied shortly after.

‘What do you think?’ Desmond asked them. ‘Boat instead of bridge?’

‘Fuck yeah!’

‘Hell yeah!’

‘So I have to drive all the way up to stock island? Uuuuuuuuhg’ Shaun finally chimed in.

‘Shaun fuck off we’re getting a /boat/‘ Clay said. ‘Rebecca tell your boyfriend to stop being a wet blanket’

The conversation was quiet for a little bit and then Lucy finally got around to reading it. ‘I’m cool with the boat idea.’

‘F I N E’ Shaun said.

‘Got him to agreeeeeee <3’ ‘thank me later’

‘Okay. I’ll tell him,’ Desmond told them.

‘Yaaaaa!’

‘Boat boat boat boat boat boat boat boat’

Desmond laughed and went back to his conversation with Altair even as he kept getting messages from the others as they talked about things. ‘Everyone thinks it’s really awesome you’re offering to let us use your boat’

‘k’

‘Unless you don’t want to now?’

‘No. It’s fine.’ ‘It’s fine.’

‘You sure?’ ‘You don’t have to hang out with me and my friends if you don’t want to’

‘I do’

‘Okay. So long as you’re okay’

There was a long bit of no response and Desmond checked the other conversation. It was practically a wall of text of everyone deciding on what to do and talking about food and drinks and who was bringing a cooler and if they should bring snorkel gear. Desmond just muted the conversation so he could keep working on his math homework. He’d finished it and was working on the research for his essay when Altair texted him again.

‘You sure you don’t wanna come over today? I’m kinda nervous’

‘I’ll try and come by for a few minutes before work. How’s that?’ Desmond texted back with a bit of a smile. He certainly hadn’t been lying about Altair being awkward. He was basically agreeing to be out in the middle of the ocean with a bunch of people he didn’t really know.

‘k’

Desmond did research and an hour before he had to do his chores so he’d be done with them before work. He took out the trash and cleaned his room and spot cleaned his bathroom. Then he took a shower and put on his work clothes so he could leave early. His mom had food for him before he left and he scarfed that down too before saying his shift was earlier than usual today and ducked out.

He rang the doorbell at Altair’s house and Altair let him in. “I can’t stay super long but I’m here,” he said as Altair closed the door behind him. “Your gramps home?”

“No. He’ll be home tomorrow though.”

“Oh good,” Desmond said and wrapped his arms around Altair’s neck. “You’re really nice letting me and my friends use your boat,” he said, smiling. “They’re all super excited about it.”

“Yeah?”

“Uh-huh! And plus side; I’m gonna be shirtless alllllllll day.” He laughed when Altair’s eyes got all glassy as he thought about it.

“Okay. I like this idea more,” Altair said.

“And they all get to be jealous cause my boyfriend is obviously the hottest one there,” he kissed Altair on the nose. “I mean it’s not even a competition.”

“Well that’s not true,” Altair said. Desmond rose his brows at him questioningly. “Cause I am gonna have the hottest boyfriend there.”

“I mean… I’m not going to argue that point,” Desmond said. He unwound his arms from around Altair’s neck and pulled out his phone. “But really, they’re all super excited.” He pulled Altair over to the living room to sit. “Freaking Lucy has been asking me how big it.”

“Thirty feet,” Altair said.

He typed that in to tell them. “And they’re all talking about food and drinks and who’s bringing what.”

“Really?”

“Uh-huh,” Desmond nodded.

“Wow. Your friends are way better at this than mine. Whenever my friends go out on a boat they never bring anything and only don’t get dehydrated cause I bring water with me.”

“Really guys?” he groaned when a few new texts came in.

“What?”

“Clay said, ‘I didn’t know Altair had thirty feet.’ Rebecca said, ‘Well we know what Desmond likes at least’.”

“Your friends are weird,” Altair said.

“Yeah, they are,” Desmond sighed.

“They’re bringing food?”

“Yeah. From what I see mostly chips and snacks.”

“How long do they think this is going to be? And when are we going out?”

“Why?”

“Well it’s my boat. I kinda need to know, need to make sure I bring enough gas and water and all that.”

“I’ll ask them.” He did so and waited for them to argue it out. “Still feel nervous?”

“I’m always nervous.”

“That’s not nervous, that’s anxiety and totally different.”

“I don’t want it to be awkward, that’s all. I know what your friends think of me. Jock with too much money.”

“Which you are.”

“And they’re a bunch of nerds who play D&D-

“Which your friends also do,” Desmond pointed out.

“Yeah but my friends aren’t losers,” Altair said giving him a look.

“Mmmmm, fair enough,” Desmond agreed. His phone had been going the entire time. He looked down at it. “They’re thinking ten thirtyish to two or three depending on how far out we go. How’s that sound?”

“Okay.”

Desmond told them it sounded good and his phone vibrated for a solid minute straight after that. “They’re really excited,” he told Altair with a chuckle.

“I can tell,” Altair said. “When do you have to go?”

“Mmm, ten minutes.”

“Alright.”

“You literally spent all day with me yesterday. I think you can manage,” Desmond rolled his eyes a little. “And you’re gonna see me tomorrow too. I think you’re pretty set.”

“I guess,” Altair said morosely. “I just like seeing you all the time.”

“That’s pretty gay.”

“I’m literally. Your. Boyfriend,” Altair gave him a look and Desmond laughed.

Desmond gave Altair a vague play by play of the text conversation that was still going on and eventually Altair just pulled him into his lap to read over his shoulder. If nothing else Desmond was glad his friends were excited enough to not need his input in any way. All he had to do was show up. This only lasted so long before Desmond untangled himself from Altair saying he had to go to work. Altair walked him to the door and kissed him goodbye which was lovely. “You’re gonna spoil me,” Desmond said when they finished.

“Hmm?”

“Just how sweet and nice you are to me. I’m gonna be so spoiled.”

“Good,” Altair said and kissed him again. “You should be.”

Desmond had to drag himself away and got on his bike. He felt Altair watching him from the doorway. He looked back and waved, Altair waved back, before riding off and heading for work.