#He refuses to Leave.

[snakeoil2]

Part 1: Conquest

You know, I’m not an old man. Even by dragonborn standards, I’m pretty young. I’m only twenty seven. But I’ve had a pretty eventful life, assassination, murder, and adventuring. I fought the Conqueror, and helped take Pakan.

However, there is something that I’m not too happy to see. When I lived with Kallum’s Clan below Dracor, I bore witness to all manner of stories. Tales of titanic dragons, scouring villages with a breath. Legends of unflappable tyrants, ruling with an iron fist. Whispers of vile mages, breaking the laws of nature.

Now, I see none of that. In this sunlit world, no tyrants, few legendary dragons, and “villains” that proclaim the better good while murdering aimlessly. And hired murderers, oh right, “assassins,” who only kill for a good cause. It’s sickening.

Why, even one of the Sleeping Dragon Crew was like that. She called herself Crybaby. Going on and on about good, and how one could do bad, in the name of good.

I’m writing this book for any aspiring villains of the world. Here’s the first lesson for you lot.

BE EVIL.

Don’t become some greater good. BE A VILLAIN! Revel in the dramatic! Pillage! Plunder! Live!

So many I see just… fail. Fail because they can’t stand what they need to do. They’re crushed by the weight of their desire to do what’s right competing with just how inherently destructive what they’re doing is. 

I met a hobgoblin once. Insisted on calling herself a hero. Unfortunately, she began to fall apart when she reaped the seeds of war. Luckily, I was there!

She forgot to burn a couple towns, she was so distraught.

Ultimately, the most important facet of villainy, the cornerstone of villainy, is the desire to do evil. Doing wrong, ENJOYING doing wrong, is what ultimately allows us our drive. And that drive is what grants us true power.

-Yoku Zuna, Archlord and Titan of Pakan, Professional Villain

Chapter 1: Yoku’s Woes

Ah, Pakan. A land torn apart by a hard fought war against the conqueror. Between the Conqueror, the Giants, and the land itself, most preferred to leave it alone. Even the kingdom of Epanak tries to leave it alone.

All those factors were what led Yoku to try and claim it. A land with little to no governing authority, no laws he had to work around, wasn’t that just perfect?

No. No it wasn’t.

Everything that made it a tempting target, also made it rather difficult to take over.

A pair of ogres were lumbering over. The metal plates armoring their body indicated their station as members of the conqueror’s army. The brutes towered over most men, bearing a cruel axe, and a wicked hammer. 

Yoku sighed.

To most a pair of ogres would be a fearsome opponent. Even if they weren’t terribly powerful, at ten feet tall, they loomed head and shoulders over most humanoids.

Yoku was not most humanoids. 

His horns, tail, and red scales marked him as one of the Dragonborn. His Hacenalian heritage had blessed him with extraordinary size, such that he was eye level with these lesser giants. Yoku was not skinny either, layers of fat and muscle rippled throughout his body.

Yoku’s size meant most recognized his strength, but it was hard to recognize just how strong he was, for more than mere muscles were at work.

Yoku felt the magic pump through his veins as he threw the first punch. It connected with a sickening crunch. The ogre began to stumble backwards, only for Yoku to then grab it, pulling it back for a punch to its stomach.

The other ogre rushed forward while Yoku was occupied. With a guttural bellow, it raised its hammer, and brought it crashing down. Yoku raised his arm to catch the blow, and grumbled at the sting. Luckily, it seemed that this pair had not been outfitted with magic weapons.

The ogre Yoku had grappled attempted its own swing, chopping at Yoku’s arm. Again, Yoku merely grumbled at the sting. His thick scales took the edge off most blows, so he’d probably get out of this with only flesh wounds.

It still hurt though.

Yoku chose to ignore the hammer-wielding ogre, instead focusing on the one in his clutches. He hammered its face with several punches until it melted into a bloody sauce, and its struggles ceased.

The other ogre had not simply paused to let Yoku pummel its partner. It rained down blow after blow upon his back, but Yoku ignored it.

Now that the first ogre was dead, Yoku turned his attention to the second. He seized its raised arm, and twisted it. The ogre first thought he meant to take his hammer, but the increasing pressure alerted it to its mistake.

With sudden desperate howls, it struck Yoku with its free hand, aiming to break his grip. Yoku didn’t stop it, continuing to twist, until, finally, the bone snapped.

The hammer fell from the now useless arm, the ogre staring in shock at its broken limb. By this time, Yoku would normally be gloating, or monologuing, or something, but he didn’t bother wasting words on this stupid creature.

He reached over and snapped its neck.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Yoku had chosen the wastes of Pakan, hoping that they might serve as a decent first conquest, but all he’d found were the remnants of the Conqueror’s army, numerous giants, and no proper towns.

Currently, a hill giant was attempting to kill him. The towering oaf carried a long log which served it as a club. It swung the log, making the most of its reach to prevent Yoku from retaliating.

Yoku opened his mouth, unleashing three streams of fire into its face. The giant staggered, raising a hand to its burnt face. Yoku charged forward, raising his blade, hewing its leg with ease.

There wasn’t even anything fun to fight here, it was all just tedious busy work. Go kill these pathetic ogres, kill this starving hill giant.

Occasionally, he would be told by one of the bosses of the Epanakian forces to handle some special quest, a band of trolls burnt to a crisp, a rising star among the Conqueror’s legions crushed by a boulder, et cetera. It reminded him of old times, but something was missing.

He missed the Sleepy Dragon Crew. At least when he’d been adventuring with them, Yoku wasn’t bored. 

Corvus could be annoying, but her magic was fun, and she enjoyed being with him, more than these soldiers anyhow. It was mostly the bird that bugged Yoku anyhow. Nasty little meal thief. She had been given a place among the nobility.

Navar… Yoku could always trust Navar to be at his side through thick and thin, dire straits, or whatever stupidity he and Corvus would dive into. He’d left the Sleepy Dragon to study storm magic, and Yoku didn’t know where he’d gone.

Dionysis and Fennec were interesting. Yoku wasn’t that close to them, but they were entertaining. Of course, they kept messing up the table, disrupting meal times. The pair had left to establish their own… kingdom? Cult? Yoku wasn’t too sure what they were up to now.

Godren… Yoku always found Godren… freaky? Even ignoring the whole were-croc thing, his obsession with death was worrying. He stuck his hand out to grab a drop of primordial death energy! Granted, this was after Yoku grabbed the whole death sword, but apples and oranges. Godren still ran the Sleepy Dragon.

Crybaby never made a good impression on Yoku. While the others had never been as open about their evil as Yoku, at least they didn’t bother hiding behind good like Crybaby. She was frustrating. Last he’d heard, she still worked with the Sleepy Dragon.

And then there was Sword Lady. She didn’t have any other name. She was Fey Shaped, a mortal who has a certain path that they are meant to follow, but if they stray, they can shatter. Other Fey Shaped view this as most would view death. But the Sleepy Dragon didn’t really know much about Fey Shaped, and took her in. Over time, she began to develop some sort of personality, but she still had difficulty expressing her wants. For whatever reason, liking Sword Lady was just about the only thing both Yoku and Crybaby agreed on. She still worked with the Sleepy Dragon Crew. Yoku hadn’t talked to her in a while.

Yoku hadn’t talked to any of them in a while.

He looked to the band of soldiers with him. None of them spoke casually with him. Why would they? A ten-foot tall hired killer, with a history of incredibly violent feats, and now had been named Archlord of Pakan. 

Sure, there were probably others of a higher rank somewhere in Epanak, but the smart ones avoided getting put in charge of Pakan, and even those that did run Pakan didn’t particularly want to be here.

Yoku was both a terrifying figure, and the highest ranked person here. Sergeant Daniels, an Aasimar who had been given the job of wrangling this wild operation, would discuss missions with him, and while she gave him missions, they often felt like busy work. Dealing with trolls? Yoku’s fire was their most effective weapon against them, sure. But a pair of ogres? 

A dull ache was rising from his back again. The entire camp was beginning to run low on potions. And food. And water. They’d need to turn back. Again.

It didn’t matter how many giants were killed, or how far back they drove the Conqueror’s Legion, both had a hold on the region. Pakan wasn’t a rich landscape, but it had enough to sustain people if you knew what to look for. But the Epanakian forces didn’t have time to forage, they needed to establish a foothold. But they didn’t have time to establish a foothold before the supplies they’d brought ran out, and they needed to retreat.

Yoku was angry.

Angry at these soldiers who surrounded him, angry at the giants and Conquerors who fought him, angry at the tribes which just…

The tribes who just survived.

A thought cut through the haze of building rage, like a piccolo in an orchestra. If those tribes would work with them, that would be a step towards solving the food problem. And if the food shortage was no longer an issue, they’d have time to establish a foothold.

For the first time in a while a grin formed on Yoku’s face. It was a grim expression, proof of satisfaction, more than any true enjoyment, but it was a less morose expression than he’d had in months.

He’d need to talk to Sergeant Daniels.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Master Sergeant Daniels was exhausted. She was the highest ranking officer, and she was stuck. Stuck on some dead end assignment, fighting wave after wave of these Conquerors, hoping to one day breakthrough. With the death of the Conqueror, some of the unity had broken, yet there were still a lot of fanatic bodies to try and push through.

This was the third time she’d been sent here. The previous two efforts had failed for the same reasons this one was: lack of support from the nobility. Those fat cats would sit up high, talking about whatever schemes piqued their interest. And their interests didn’t concern Pakan, or the now dead Conqueror. 

One of her soldiers, wasn’t his name… Evan?, came into the tent. “Sergeant? Uh, Yoku wants to speak with you.”

She lifted a hand to her face. That was a new headache.

Dalkan had appeared before her company, she’d been worried. An ancient assassin walking up to someone is a recipe for disaster. Then he said that he had an archlord he wanted her to take to Pakan. Normally, she’d have refused, no matter which Count it came from. But Dalkan didn’t like nobles, so she was willing to entertain his request.

And then she met the hired killer, self-proclaimed villain, and one of the people who helped kill the Conqueror.

A towering dragonborn, glowering at all around him. Though, that might have just been his face. Yoku was far less threatening than he had first appeared. Despite calling himself a villain, he was strangely amiable. At least, til they hit Pakan.

When they got there, Yoku’s many… quirks reared their heads. His stubbornness, his simplicity, his lack of tact, and especially his strange independent streak. 

Sure, he was shockingly capable of surviving in the wastes of Pakan, and he’d often handle the beasts that their company, only three dozen strong, couldn’t deal with without incurring heavy losses.

BUT WHY DID SHE HAVE TO TALK TO HIM!

Ah well.

“Send him in,” Sergeant Daniels said, resigning herself to this fate.

“Oh he’s-” Evan began, before stumbling away from the door as Yoku poked his head in.

“Hey! Sergeant!” he bellowed.

Daniels didn’t shrink from his volume, but Evan lacked her resolve. Granted, she didn’t have the misfortune of standing next to Yoku’s mouth.

Yoku wriggled through the door, fitting most of himself in the tent. He left his legs and tail in the cold, so as to let the other two have some room to breathe. Evan quickly backed up, giving a wide berth to the dragonborn, as wide as he could anyhow.

“Archlord Yoku, what do you need?” Daniels said as amicably as she could manage. 

“Well, I was thinking,”

A miracle, Daniels thought to herself.

“The problem is that we can’t get set up in Pakan? Well, there are tribes that are already set up! Why don’t we just get them to help us? They know how to survive here!”

Daniels sighed. Sure, that’d be swell… just find the hidden tribes that have been hiding out here, unable to be found by the Conqueror or our armies, and then convince them to help us. Brilliant.

“Of course sir, we’ll take that into consideration.”

“Great! Then we should probably retreat for now, thirty some people might be too many,” Yoku replied.

“Wait, what?”

“Yep, glad that’s sorted. I’ll let the soldiers know.”

Daniels watched Yoku squirm out of the door. She turned to look at Evan.

“Did I just lose control of our company?”

Evan just shrugged.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Yoku went to get the soldiers. They were a bit bewildered as Yoku took charge, but they couldn’t exactly ignore him. He was an Archlord.

The troop moved back to Savarak, the territory under the rule of Count Dalkan Arental. They had been using this land as a staging ground for the forays into Pakan. Thanks to Yoku’s favorable relationship, Dalkan had been providing them with a decent amount of resources to maintain their forces, but not enough to properly replenish them. Dalkan had more important things he needed to spend his gold on, and Yoku had asked to take Pakan.

The mood on this return was different than before. The other times there had been a sense of exhaustion, of failure. A weary band, returning bedraggled and starving to a city. This time, they still had a decent amount of food, and only one or two died from the battles they had fought.

Yoku was at the head happily chattering about ways he believed that they could find the tribes of Pakan. Sergeant Daniels was confused. How did he think he could find tribes that hid from the entire army of the Conqueror, or all of the Epanakian armies?

Eventually, they’d returned to their barracks, and the troops dropped all of their packs. Yoku pulled Daniels aside to tell her what he needed.

“Right, I’ll need you to pick, four or five people who you’d want with you. I’ll be back in a week or two.”

“Sir, what is the plan?” Daniels asked. He was surprisingly evasive about answering that question, probably not even intentionally.

“Oh, I got a kobold back in Keep Rememberance who should be able to find the tribes, we just need to avoid the armies.”

Daniels attempted to say something to this proclamation, but Yoku had already begun walking off. She stared after him, shocked. This could not work. But… what other choices did she have? The other lords of Pakan were doing their damndest to avoid this whole issue, the people who could request backup for the armies fighting for Pakan were either uninterested or actively hampering them.

“Sergeant?” Daniels turned. It was one of her soldiers, one who’d been working with her even before the Conqueror’s death. Corporal Reigen. One of the many tired faces who were dying so often from the weather or armies. 

“Corporal, gather up some of the most experienced soldiers. We’re making a gamble.”

If she played her cards right, who knows how well this could go. Either they die the same death their previous course was aiming for, or they risk everything for a dream they could never hope for.

[cata-strophes]

the dark sbi server had another secret santa this year, this was my gift :}

bit of lore i couldnt add bc it would be ten pages longer:

neapolitan trio are demon brothers, phil is their demon dad. techno is the oldest, and he was taken years ago by evil angels or smth idk, he had his memories supressed and for the longest time thought he was human and joined the war on the angelic forces's side.

tommy and wil are tasked to get him back, and tommy does so first, but he wants some time with his brother who is always busy!! so he pretends to be a human child and follows him around. techno grows fond of him and wants to protect him.

wilbur eventually finds him and tommy refuses to give him victory, so the gig is up!!

techno does spend more time with tommy later on ^-^

[ipostmysimpingstuffanonymously]

So this is very self indulging. These are my vacation photos turned into the Tokyo 5 messing around. Makes me crave summer and my friends <3

[crystallizsch]

i really like how canonically yuu is genuinely supportive of grim wanting to be a great mage. if i recall correctly, even character voice lines point this out. and it seems like yuu dotes on grim a lot and defends him too??? yuu even encourages grim's ambitions whenever he declares wanting to be a great mage. and also when he does that boss-henchhuman dynamic. i mean yeah you can interpret it as yuu saying that being condescending and sarcastic as if they're talking to a child saying "when i grow up i want to be famous!" but like. i really think they're genuine when mc loves grim in their own way.

even if grim is usually a menace, he's become like family to yuu.

and i'm pretty sure grim feels the same way.

think about it this way. despite all the mess, all the unpredictability, the danger, and all the drama being in nrc. what's always the constant? yuu goes home at the end of the day to the ramshackle dorm (basically their home at this point considering they slowly but surely fix it up over time) and with who? “the great mage” grim. as the sole outcasts in that academy, they both sleep soundly knowing they will always have each other at the end of the day.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Lan Wangji might be an unstoppable force, but Xie Lian has 800+ years of practice of being an immovable object.

(poll results here for context)

[little-tangerines]

um. happy father's day?

[next]

[prev]

[nelkcats]

Therapy needed

Danny needed therapy, that was pretty obvious. After the whole "my future self killed everyone because my family died" thing it became pretty obvious that he needed to acknowledge his traumas and deal with them properly before another Dan happened or his emotions just exploded. The fact that his parents wanted to kill him and no one would acknowledge his death was making things worse.

So he asked his sister for help, but Jazz being annoyingly responsible commented that he couldn't become her patient, something about how personal feelings could cloud her judgment and family can't give each other therapy. Danny thought it was a bit hypocritical considering she used him as a lab rat with her psychology books but decided not to say anything.

The fact that Jazz could not be his therapist made everything 10 times more complicated. First of all because Danny had a trauma with psychologists (and wasn't that ironic? He blamed Spectra for that), and secondly that no one would believe his whole life story or keep it a secret. It was unfortunate that the Yetis were general health doctors and not mental health doctors because that would have solved his problem.

Just as he was about to give up and continue to treat his traumas as a recurring joke, Jazz introduced him to someone. Her name was Harleen Frances Quinzel and she was completely crazy, but according to Jazz she was excellent at her job. Danny had his doubts but in the end he agreed to have an appointment with her.

Strangely, Harley Quinn lived up to his sister's expectations, not being upset when Danny asked to change the decor of the place (Spectra had done a number on his head, common offices became uncomfortable for him), nor when Danny almost froze her by accident. Harley was patient, attentive and considered all his suggestions, accepting or denying as needed. Danny liked it.

The only complaint the halfa had were about the stalkers on the roof who were always watching him on his way to and from Harley's house, it was getting very annoying. One of them panicked when Danny came out crying - couldn't a ghost face his traumas in peace!?

[theloveinc]

OlderDad!Bakugou who gets a haircut and his baby doesn't recognize him and he doesn't want his dad to pick him up 😭😭😭😭😭😭

Bakugou has a cry in the bathroom and you have to spend the rest of the night consoling him.

Also Hiiiiiii, miss u, hope youre gooooood

head in my hands bc of this, just thought abt bakugo growing out his hair a little bit right after baby's birth...takes him months to go and get a real haircut cuz he doesn't wanna burden you more than he already has and by the time he's okay with the thought (but only for "AN HOUR MAX," is what he says), he has a mullet thing going on and all this scruff on his chin🥺🥺🥺

so he gets home with his regular ol' haircut, maybe a little shorter just to account for ... not wanting to go again so soon, and baby's HOLLERING bloody murder as soon as they see him and refusing to be taken out of your arms, doing that thing where they're flipping their face back and forth to dodge a kiss...

it's so tragic bc not even a little cheek nuzzling helps to calm them bc bakugo's CLEAN SHAVEN and smells like aftershave instead of like dad when he tries!!!!!!

and after, you watch him kinda sulk into the bathroom, thinking like aw yeah thats a bummer but also pretty funny, too (esp bc the haircut does look good🫣🤓), AND HE DOESN'T COME OUT FOR LIKE an hour???

....until you finally have to ask him if he's okay in there and you're opening the door to him sitting on the toilet seat, arms crossed and red cheeks a little streaky with tears...

LJFKASDJFADSJK it's the cutest, most sad sight you ever did see!! ofc Bakugo tries to deny it, but the way he tears up again (after you're done assuring him he did nothing wrong) when his baby finally realizes it's him and smiles (and then how he refuses to give them up again until bedtime) has his ass. EXPOSED.

(i love and miss u more than air, earth, water, dirt + HOPE YOU'RE GOOD TOO BESTIE ILY)

[yo-yo-yoshiko]

Let Nico say frick

[edorazzi]

Due to scheduling conflicts we're celebrating Tintin Day early this month! 🥳

Someone said in tags that they could totally see Tintin needing International Rescuing at some point. What better way for the Hood to put iR's integrity on the line than revealing all to a world-famous reporter? Would the Tracys jeopardise their whole operation to save just one life?!

(Un)fortunately Tintin hasn't shown up at work since 1929, so the only sacrifice here will be an old man's dignity. Again. 🪦

[burningparadiseduck]

Neuvillette is the greenest green flag to ever exist in this green world.

[ferrariseventeen]

[cecoeur]

Daniel Ricciardo on the grid ahead of the 2024 F1 Italian Grand Prix | 📸 - Bryn Lennon

[bluerosefox]

Same As The Day I Lost You

I...

This came to me as I'm making dinner so I'll be quick.

What if we mix deaged Danny and twin/older sibling (either one works) Damian, AND he gets tossed to his sibling in a last minute escape.

Like what if he was fighting Vlad who was doing his whole "denounce your father and join me as my son Daniel!" Thing while in the Zone and knocks Danny into something that's floating in the Zone with the ability to deage or was hit by a new Fenton or Plasmius invention while fighting in town that accidentally deages him.

Danny, who in this was adopted, gets put back to the age of six. The same age he had been found by Jazz in a 'haunted' forest Jack and Maddie were visiting/investigating while also using that time as a family vacation. (They were shocked to see a little boy with a stab wound bleeding out and rushed him to the nearby town, almost completely forgetting about the glowing green tiny puddle they found nearby and bagged most of it as evidence when they heard Jazz's scream of terror over finding the hurt little boy)

The sudden revert into that traumatized age, along with the child response to a fight or flight scenario, and add Danny's deepest need/wish to be protected his child fogged mind wishes to go to the one person who always made him feel safe.

His twin/older brother.

Just as quick as it was with Danny being turned into a child, his ghost powers ripped open a portal and sent Danny to the person he wants to be with...

Only he didn't know that right at that moment his seventeen year old twin/older brother is currently fighting the League with his family's help (his mother was trying to convince him to return to the League and be it's heir) in Nanda Parbat (the very place Damian lost the last/only person he knew loved him without any strings attached.)

So imagine everyone's face when a portal opened up, some muttering its a new pit being formed before them or something, and crawling out of it is a very scared and confused six year old Danny.

[wszczebrzyszynie]

slime ranczing 2: partnerzy

[buggachat]

sorry guys i gotta leave the fandom. had a dream last night that chat noir's secret identity was MY DAD all along. need time to recover