#Here's a DOPE new girlfriend??? Maybe??? Vibes????

[howlbear]

Brennan saw Fabian's deep sadness and parental loneliness and said alright bet

[an-eldritch-peredhel]

Ethics of Creating/Adopting/Influencing Sentient Life, as Ignored by the Valar

It's been a steady headcanon of mine that most Valar have their own form of sentient life that they had a metaphysical hand in shaping. Is this because I feel like everyone gets jilted bc of the big three? Yes. Is this how I explain all of the weird one-off things in the Hobbit? Also yes. No particular order here, just vibes.

Manwe: Giant Eagles, obvious, he asked his Parent's permission first.

Aule: Dwarves, also obvious, did not ask permission from his Parent but they ended up splitting custody so a pretty good deal all around. (Also maybe made sure that the possibility for AI was in the Song. Is very excitedly awaiting his robot children.)

Yavanna: Ents, again obvious, asked her Parent's permission, got it, dunked on her husband. Ents are strange because they aren't so much plant-like sentients as decidedly sentient plants. Most everyone but her (and Vana) are kinda weirded out by this.

Vana: Hobbits. With some input from Yavanna and Nessa. I know the prevailing hc in the Hobbit fandom is that it was Yavanna for those sweet Aule/Yavanna Dwarves/Hobbits parallels, but I feel like Vana's Domains fit them better. She didn't (technically) Create them, she was just wanting to make her own People without getting in trouble, and Yavanna offered sisterly advice in the form of "Evolution was already Sung, so if you just guide that evolution a little and happen to get a new People out of it... well, whoopsies, who'd've guessed ;)". Nessa, of course, heard about this and insisted on helping her girlfriend out. No one knows how Hobbits came from Humans, because it makes very little logical sense. This is why. Also she coopted mushrooms from Melkor and those things are if not sentient at least getting there.

Orome: The Beornings. Vana was like "LOOK WHAT I'M DOING :D!" re. evolution (and Magic/Song shhhh) and Orome went "SICK! I WANNA DO THAT!!" but didn't want to put quite as much effort in (he's busy) so he took a group of humans and was like "Ok you can have awesome disney princess bear powers for the low low cost of not technically being human anymore" and they all went "well, best not to reject gifts from gods, also that sounds cool, so sure I guess?" Some adaption/evolution was also involved, which Nessa helped with.

Nessa: See Vana & Orome above. She's the reason Hobbits have the crazy high stealth bonus, and the reason for the whole bear-dancing thing the Beornings do. Also I'm pretty sure she came up with an idea for talking animals really early on, carefully and subtly implemented by her, Orome, and Yavanna.

Tulkas: Giants. Orome and Vana and Nessa were all like "DUDE LOOK WHAT WE'RE DOING ISN'T IT COOL!" and Tulkas was like "YEAH THAT'S SICK BABES! GREAT JOB!" and they were like "don't you want to try? OwO? give us more niblings to dote on?" and he figured "hey, might as well, that sounds dope". He got Aule's help (bc experience w/ sentientifying rocks) and managed to accidentally find a bunch of new loop holes in the "Thou Shalt Not Casually Create Sentience What Are You Guys Frankenstein Or Something" doctrine. Manwe was like "...why" and Tulkas was like "Look, there's not even triple digits of them, their sentience is debatable at best, and it makes Arda cooler. Surely you want Arda to be cool? Also they throw rocks around!" And Manwe had bigger problems to deal with at this point and gave up. This is why giants are fighty.

Namo: Did NOT create sentience are you kidding? It's bad enough that SOME moron Sung the possibility for Necromancy into Arda (interesting as it is he desperately wants to slap the Maia who came up with that idea. it's So Much Work, and ever since Humans first woke up he has been So Busy. this is what he gets for wanting to micromanage the Death system), he's not creating MORE work for himself. He has technically adopted sentient life in the form of Spirits. He staunchly ignores anyone who tries to point this out.

Nienna: Did not create sentience but has adopted the Orcs. The ones that were corrupted elves can heal with a lot (a LOT) of time and therapy in Mandos, but orcs do end up as a separate People. A People who is Nienna's now. They're her babies. (Yes, this is a Threat.)

Irmo: As creator of dreams he occupies a very weird place re. creating sentience, since he's technically actively influencing it at all times regardless. Has not made a People but did very quietly figure out how to make not-quite-Maiar. He didn't make many, but there are a few Wishing Spirits in unexpected places.

Vaire: Similar to her husband, she's too busy to create sentience, and doesn't want that responsibility anyway. Perfectly content with being a mentor-friend to her Weavers, no desire to be a mom.

Este: Has not created sentience but did help Aule work on robot bodies once she learned about his little project. Is not a mechanical engineer, but can pass pretty well as a bio-engineer. Plus she needs to learn how to heal all the Peoples, not just organic ones. (They keep the project quiet.)

Ulmo: He was to busy trying to help the Original And Intended Children to make anything of his own. Did several of his Maiar figure out Fully Incarnate Bodies? Yes. Did they also figure out how to have kids? SOMEHOW, yes. Did these kids become their own People? Yes. Is this Ulmo's problem now? Yes. Anyway that's how mermaids happened.

Varda: She is competent and respectable. Are her constellations sentient? That's between them, her, and her Maiar. She's worked out the logistics on her own, thank you very much. No need for worrying about afterlives or whatnots, she's got it covered. (She just wanted some kids, ok? And it's so much easier if she isn't the only one watching over the skies of Arda.)

[kkeidawrites]

Castlevania spoilers!!!! If you don’t want to know how the show ends in season 4 please refrain from reading the rest of this post because I’m not holding back! Also I’m writing this as I watched so, this is my raw review!

Okay, so first off I want to say personally, I loved how season 4 brought heat to the finale of the show. Although I’m sad as hell that this is the last season for a great show.

Episode 1: Murder Wakes It Up- I thought that it was cool to see Trevor and Sypha fighting again after what happened in S3, obviously they are tired from the long four week journey of fighting night creatures, skeleton zombies, vampires from different countries, etc. but clearly the end game is that humans and vampires alike are working together to bring back Dracula. Like seriously, y’all might not know this but I hate, HATE when children become involved in stupid shit like human sacrifices like I can’t. Not the children. Please, not the babies. Sypha complaining she’s becoming like Trevor, and she’s so cute when she curses lol. Then when they arrive in Targoviste we have some new faces as potential enemies. I thought they were lame honestly lol I couldn’t take Barney-Larney whatever his dumbass was; he was mad annoying.

Then they shift over to Alucard…I have never seen a more broken beautiful drunk man in all my life. Like I had S3 flashbacks. He’s asked for help from a messenger who ended up dying on the way to the castle but his horse made sure he continued the journey and Alucard received the message for help in Danesti. Alucard fights with the horse, I thought that was funny. He was thoughtful enough to bury the rider, that was very sweet of him.

Also, shirtless Alucard will be engraved in my mind for life. Whew, chile that’s one fine man. He’s beginning to talk like Belmont and I can’t help how hilarious that is.

Episode 2: Having the World: Quite honestly this episode to me was meh. Hector talking with Lenore about how he needs this and that to create his hammer to continue forgemastering then Lenore talks with Carmilla and the white haired bat talks about how she is going to rule the world and what not, clearly losing her sanity.

Then it shifts over to Trevor and Sypha and they are fighting in a barn and new character Zamfir. Her character for me was also meh, but it’s nice to see more PoC in the show.

Episode 3: Walk Away: I liked this episode a lot. Issac altogether was nice enough to sit down and talk with a night creature and tell him/them that they were free of their original program, which was: eating humans, causing destruction, used as tools to forge masters. But man when he received that berry from Issac he realized that there is still some kind of humanity in them.

Issac is contacted by Varney to bring back Dracula but, Issac wants no business with that; he doing his own thing and seeing him being sassy again is so refreshing.

Morana and Striga scenes!!! I loved them, and then there was Striga’s day armor, man listen…I have never felt more closer to watching Berserk again than in that moment. They are hesitant to return back to Styria when Carmilla calls them, and it puts them in a bind to return home to continue through with Carmilla’s plans.

Sypha being annoyed by Zamfir was me the entire time. How you gone run a kingdom again with out a kingdom. Like girl, help the people instead of the royals, my god.

Episode 4: You Must Sacrifice: A cute little Trevor and Sypha scene. They decide to investigate Targoviste more before helping Zamfir. The scene shifts and Alucard is riding towards Danesti, donning a shield and a longer cape. Monsters are attacking the walls of the village, villagers are on the other side waiting to defend themselves. Some Castlevania popular screenshots appear here.

Then we meet Greta…Miss thang…that’s one beautiful woman okay. And she’s the chief of the village, cares for her people? Y’all I present. Her. And the fact that she is sassy too? I rock with her heavy as hell.

Saint Germain meets Alucard and I have a weird vibe coming from him. We see Saint Germain’s backstory or what little it will show us; he had a whole girlfriend, she a baddie too. Apparently she was like him? And she was the silhouette we saw in S3. Cool scene, inside the Infinite Corridor and I liked the library scene a lot too. Now he’s on a rampage trying to find access to the Infinite Corridor again to find his girl and he also wants to bring back Dracula? The fuck?

Refugees arrive at Danesti, and Saint Germain is acting very strange indeed. Like he’s desperate to go to the castle to help with the village “defenses”. Alucard agrees I guess? And he says another Belmont comment which I was happy to see again in the season.

Episode 5: Back in the World: Alucard leads Greta, Saint Germain and the villagers to his castle but, encounter a couple of night creatures on the way. Greta does Saint Germain y’all and I’m with her 100%. Alucard’s powers have definitely improved from last season. It was kind of interesting how Alucard willing told Greta what happened with him and you know who, kind of early in my opinion. Greta is bisexual?!!!! I love her 1000% now! I sense some chemistry between Greta and Alucard. I like that a lot.

Lenore really like annoys my soul, I do not like this mini bitch. I didn’t really care what Lenore and Hector talked about🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️sue me. Bruh Greta, beating that monster’s ass with just a hammer and a sword?! And Alucard impressed by it?! I’m here for it!! Some cute moments between Alucard and Greta got me gushing over here😝😝. Poor puppy😢😢. Alucard decides to “grow up” which I think is a nice step forward. Saint Germain is really making me mad.

They arrive at the castle and here goes Saint Germain acting like a fan boy, I mean who wouldn’t but you know…Greta killed me when she said the castle was ugly as hell lol. Another little cutesy scene between Alucard and Greta. Like I really like their chemistry y’all I’m sorry.

Trevor and Sypha demand that Zamfir take responsibility to help the people and I forgot what it was called but, before that they are attacked and Zamfir has something placed on her neck by a night creature.

Then Issac, he’s ready to fuck some shit up. And I’m here for it. Get em, bitch!

Episode 6: You Don’t Deserve My Blood: Carmilla’s castle is attacked by Issac’s night creatures. Lenore old punk ass running away does not surprise me in the slightest. Hector betrays Lenore and locks her in a cage. Hector has contact with Saint Germain like what? I don’t understand but, Issac comes in and it looks like Hector has given up, wanting to die honestly. Issac decides against killing him and Hector asks for his knife. This boy cuts his ring finger that the Lenore placed the ring, in front of her. That scene was meh, I thought he would get pissed at her for what she’s done to him in S3 but, I guess not.

Issac literally stole this episode, from his fight with the vampires and night creatures to Carmilla that shit was -chef’s kiss- magnifico! I loved the animation the fight scenes, yooo I was hyped the whole episode.

Morana and Striga make their decision to go their own way, living their own lives in the west so, bittersweet ending with them, I wanted to actually Striga fight the main trio but, whatever I guess.

Hector still has plans to bring back Dracula and asks Issac if he’s doing the same. Issac has other plans obviously, and tells Hector that they need to find their path in their lives. I feel Hector never knew where he was supposed to be placed in the world but Issacs words are very inspiring in my opinion. May have woke Hector’s dumbass up a bit.

Episode 7: The Great Work: Varney and the other guy, I really forgot his name found out about the catacombs and head there. Trevor and Sypha demand Zamfir take them underground, which to me I think it’s nothing there but her shit. Sypha gets mad at Zamfir and I’m with her, how you part of the royal guard when the people above need your help girl my god.

The cutest scene ever in this episode, was when the kids from Danesti wanting to play with Alucard and this boy jumps off the highest part of the castle just to show off. There should be more scenes of soft Alucard with children. Saint Germain is placing these weird stones it looks like in the castle walls. What is going on with him?

More Alucard and Greta moments please and thank you. The artwork in the castle is fucking phenomenal work. Saint Germain just gave the location to a vampire it looks like, from episode 4 maybe? He looks familiar.

There is a freaking army coming to the castle…lord Jesus. Like can they catch a break please? The kids just got settled.

Trevor and Sypha go to the catacombs and it’s just as bad as the people above grounds. New weapon acquired for Trevor, pretty dope. The king and Queen are dead and Zamfir is officially insane. She really thinks that the king and Queen will come back alive and protect their people like she’s done them. Sypha tries to talk to her, that puts her in a weird daze, Trevor is just being Trevor. Varney and his lackey, come to the catacombs looking to kill I really do not know that man’s name y’all so I apologize for not giving a damn about him lol.

The castle is about to be under siege, I’m not ready. Having a whole heart attack over here from nerves.

Episode 8: Death Magic: Varney and his partner attack the people in the catacombs, Varney is looking for a giant mirror? Why I don’t know. Poor Trevor and Sypha they are soooo tired, I feel so bad for them. Zamfir is actually not bad of a fighter, I like that. Sypha still the goat, no cap.

The castle is under attack, it’s actually nice to see how diverse the vampires are in this show, you can tell what countries their from and I think that’s dope as hell. And then every time a human dies their souls are transferred to Saint Germaine? So is this another S3 human sacrifice crap again? Omg…I’m so sick of that. Saint Germain uses the key he received from the woman in the Infinite Corridor and it creates the symbol of the corridor’s portal.

Here goes Alucard being a badass again, I never tire of him being one. Greta holding it down too is really cool, I don’t care what nobody say, she is that bitch. Her and that hammer, a force to be reckoned with.

Everyone is overwhelmed and have no choice but to evacuate to the castle, right before those doors closed Alucard nods to her to leave him out to fight and she looks at him like boy bye. Get yo ass in this castle. Greta pulling Alucard in just shows they are compatible for one another. Even the playful banter between them is cute.

The discovery of the stones in the walls leads Greta and Alucard to his childhood bedroom and they find Saint Germain where he reveals he’s opening the Infinite Corridor to bring back Dracula by using death magic. Petty Saint Germain, I do not like him bro.

They have to deal with him later though to fight off the night creatures that got into the castle. Greta still holding it down.

Trevor and the vampire guy is still fighting but, Trevor being so tired he’s slowing a bit, and honestly I don’t know how he’s still able to function at this point. Sypha shows off her powers like a G that she is and Zamfir is doing some great damage with the knives she’s got and that’s crazy how little knives can do to the body.

Did Sypha always have lightning powers? I don’t remember. If it’s new I love it! Trevor’s almost killed but a woman and child save him in time but, unfortunately Zamfir is stabbed in the stomach when the vampire moves to kill them both. I’m going to be honest I didn’t really care for Zamfir’s character she was just…there lol.

Then that scene with Sypha basically incinerating the rest of the monsters is fire!!! No pun intended lol. Varney finds the mirror and steps through it where Saint Germain is. Trevor and Sypha goes through the mirror as well but in a different location in the castle.

Episode 9: The Endings: This whole episode was literally the best of the best in any other seasons. The fight scenes, the banter, the main three…oh my God I loved it all. Noooooo, the dolls!!!!!! You bastards!!!! Trevor and Sypha’s entrance was perfect. Muah! Perfecto! The rock monsters really confused me on how they were killed but you know what who cares?

Alucard has wings?!!!!! What?!!!!!!!!! The general of the caravan have brought in the man woman thingy to Saint Germain. Death has appeared. His character design is dope af. Noooo not mom and dad!!! Nooo! Poor Alucard had to witness his parents literally in pain and of course Trevor ends it again, somehow Saint Germain redeemed himself almost?

The four vampires fighting the main trio had me running for my money. I liked the whole scene it was nice to see at least one or two vampires almost have the upper hand on the main trio.

That general vampire? His fight was wild, throwing his arm as it was about to explode and use it against Trevor was genius. And main trio…they don’t need to have a plan to fight they just work so well together that it works out in end.

Trevor vs. Death. Also was that the first time Trevor told Sypha he loved her? I can’t remember. Anyway, back to the final battle. The quality of the fight, the sheer power between both characters, and then he goes and sacrificed himself like Trevor are you deadass? You deadass died? Unacceptable. And then episode just ends.

Episode 10: It’s Been a Strange Ride: Lenore died so lame, and she was drunk as well when she died. I really won’t be missing her because she was just a character I very much disliked. Hector is finally free, little dumbass.

I wanna see what Issac is up to and Morana and Striga seems appropriate. But oh well, I hope they are happy wherever they are.

Tombstone for Trevor, it’s not real. He ain’t dead, I don’t believe that. Omg, Greta and Alucard are together?!!! Whoooooo!!! And the village kids are calling him father? Yasssssssssssss!!!!! I’m here for it. Alucard saying he’s not used to people is 100% me in public I don’t like being around a lot of people and it doesn’t help I have anxiety either. Sypha being pregnant was a given she looked a little thicker in the hips from episode one. She can’t leave…we need her. Really Castlevania creators? Y’all gone play with all our hearts? Thinking Trevor was dead and he gone pop up on a horse?

And look at this⤵️⤵️

He’s smiling, happy, soft, has a boo thang I’m….😭😭😭I’m so happy.

Y’all….all in all this was a great ending to the show…a great ending…

Oh wait…wait…wait wait wait, mom and dad are alive?!!! But how? You know what I don’t care their going to travel to England and their heart shaped embrace is everything. Oh no I’m crying again….

[dreamsafterhours]

college boyfriend!markhyuk au series: II (donghyuk’s pathway)

a universe in which roommates!markhyuk meet each other's s/o in class

markhyuk are roommates, my/n and dy/n are roommates, mark and dy/n take classes together and so do donghyuk and my/n — how will their fates intertwine?

genre: fluff pairings: platonic!mark+dy/n format: dotpoint AU universe: non idol, college best friend warning: a lil swearing (best get used to it lol)

masterlist

or click here to continue your friendship with paediatrics!haechan!

I ⇤ | II | ⇥ III

II: relationship consolidation.. it’s platonic i swear

the fellowship continues (mark + dy/n)

so the month that follows your first meeting

is full of

a mixture of crackheadedness and tortured artist vibes

a lot of it is sending lit memes and other shit to each other at 2am when u have an 8am the next morning and yelling at each other for keeping u up so late but then laughing again at whatever the ridiculous punchline was

“to quote shakespeare’s hamlet, act v, scene ii, line 270: no”

/deep inhale/ /unhinged laughter/

that’s your inside joke for a whole two weeks mark couldn’t get the numbers right the first few times uwu poor confused thing but he got it after a while so good on him

in the second class after the first day, you try your best to find in him the crowd of people lining up to go into the lecture theatre but you can’t and it’s almost time to go in and—

oop you’re getting swept by the current of the masses

you still try to look for him even then

and luckily your attempts pay off !bc you do see him further up the stairs

,, but he’s

,.talking to another person, sitting in a seat on the end of the row 

slightly disappointed that you can’t sit together and get to know him better and hopefully become friends but !! still optimistic that you’ll just make new friends

you file into an empty seat near his row a little further down the stairs from where he was sitting

you take out your materials and start to go over your notes from the day before when

someone plops himself down on the seat next to you

you look up and before you can smile in greeting, you recognise

it’s mark!!

he says “heyyy” in that rlly soft voice idk if you’ve seen the vid of him going ʰᶦ but that’s the voice he uses here

and you’re like “oh hi! wait i thought i saw you sitting over there” pointing behind u

and he’s like “oh i just met a friend and i was saving his girlfriend’s seat haha.. she just arrived so they kicked me out and i saw u and !!yeah”

and u nod at him like “nice nice i thought you ditched me” jokingly ofc

“no no i was actually trying to find you but.. you’re too short”

“i’m what”

/whispers/ “i’m sorry omg don’t kill me pls”

/stands up straighter to assert dominance/ “say that again, marcus. say that again”

ajsagdfo cuties

“ok then should we meet somewhere before the lectures”

so you decide on the benches outside the building as Your Spot™

the lecture’s just an introduction to the first text in the syllabus bc . second class

and so there’s quite a bit of note taking,, naturally

mark forgets what the prof says before he can write it down and this particular prof, you learn, is prone to talking fast and then switching the lecture slides before anyone can write anything important down

poor mark is doing a lot of looking up at the slides and then down at his notebook and :(((

so r u but u seem to have better memory than him so u either have the lecture slides up if you’re a typer with your notes or manage to write your notes and still listen to the prof if you’re a writer idk yalls preferences so

meanwhile mark whispers under his breath,, half to himself

“what” don’t we all,, mark.. don’t we all

and he does that a few times so you look over and he’s written barely anything so at that point he’s almost just resorted to listening to the prof and not taking notes at all

then he seems to catch himself and he starts writing down whatever key terms the prof is spewing and you realise

kid’s blanking out lmfao

so you tell him you’ll send your notes over to him after class and he’s like !! R U SURE im so sorry im not used to this sPEED and i can’t put my hand up and ask him to slow down someone else has to do that

and u just nod and tell him it’s all g

so class ends and you wave goodbye (confirming to meet at the benches next week too) to go to your tutorial class that happens to be right after the lecture and so does he,,

and this is your thought process for the next five or so minutes:

there’s only one exit so surely he’s only going outside and not the same way as me

oh look he’s going the same way as me.. i’m sure he’s just going to another building ooh that’s a pretty cool tree

hey we can walk to our next classes together and then split up where we have to go in different directions

is he turning left or right left or right i’m going left left or right left or—wait oh cool

ah there’s a bunch of classes in this building too surely he’s on a different floor. see he’s going up the stairs—wait he’s going up the stairs.. so am i..,,,

nah surely he’s going up another floor

wait if he’s going up another floor.. why isn’t he going on the elevator

does he have a fear of enclosed spaces

does he have childhood trauma in an elevator

maybe he keeps fit by climbing stairs

lol this is my floor, be funny if..

hang on a second

HANG ON A SECOND

“HANG ON A SECOND” that wasn’t one of your thoughts btw that was. out loud

very loud

and he turns around, startled at your voice again

looking up from his phone and eyes getting wider than they were in their initial reaction

“wHAT THE—WAIT HOLD UP HOLD UP HOLD UP—”

he’s giggling at this point bc it’s so funny to him

“HOLD—YOU’RE?? in this tute too??”

“are we??—”

“—in the same class?” yall say that in unison bc that’s the proliferation of a Wholesome Friendship™ right there

u laugh bc wow this is my new best friend

“this is crazyyy”

“yeah what the f..” he highkey cuts himself off bc i mean day 2 guys

but then you

“exactly what the fuck...”

lmfao he knows then that it’s ok to swear with you

n e ways

y’all keep talking until your tutor arrives and lets you in the class

ofc you sit next to each other in the tute as well

you have a great time and class ends quicker than you thought bc you’re having fun and that’s always gewd

so the next few weeks u’re just vibing with each other

walking to class together after ur lectures

walking each other to other classes

studying together in the library in your spare time catching up on content and exploring ideas discussed in tutes for your shakespearean sonnets class

"o romeo, romeo, wherefore were thou and juliet teenage dumbfucks”

he couldn’t stop laughing at that for three days straight

“t..teENAGE /wheeze/ dUMBFUCKS HAHAHAHAHA”

getting pretty close basically

sharing hobbies and music tastes (u find out he plays guitar and it’s the biggest possession he brought into his dorm from his house and listens to frank ocean and john mayer a lot, watches fullmetal alchemist)

sometimes you’ll come to meet him at the benches full on catwalking down the path with your airpods in and resting bitch face on listening to some dope shit while the crowd parts for you and he’s just like O.O

how is she friends with me

he thinks you’re so cool it’s cute

but he’s also alr convinced himself that you’re so out of his league he highkey won’t dare try and make a move

n e ways

he sees ur airpods and he’s like “aren’t you afraid you’re gonna lose them one day”

and you just look at him and go “do i look like a fool, marcus”

he laughs so hard at that

complaining to you abt his roommate in real time over text like

marcus the fool 🤡: “dude he’s whining at me to ‘play with him’ i don’t want to play with him”

marcus the fool 🤡: “now he’s getting jealous of u”

marcus the fool 🤡: “he asks who u think u r”

you: “tell him i would fight him”

marcus the fool 🤡: “he says u won’t win”

you: “bet”

marcus the fool 🤡: “i told him u don’t need to fight for my attention bc uve alr got it”

marcus the fool 🤡: “now he’s fake crying”

marcus the fool 🤡: “he’s telling me to leave the house and leave the kids”

you: “am i a homewrecker now”

marcus the fool 🤡: “he calls u a homewrecker”

you: “tell him i’ll kiss it better”

one day like a month or so into your friendship

you rush to the benches with that look on your face that says you’re about to murder someone which usually disappears when you see him and take out your airpods bc rbf

so he ,, approaches with caution ,,, easy does it,,

yes he’s wondering if it’s your time of month

ngl it åctually was which makes things worse

t e n t a t i v e l y he asks on the way into the lecture theatre

“hey dy/n u ok?? u look.. ok nvm”

bc u lowkey glared at him but u didn’t mean to i swear u just looked at him but u were alr in a bad mood

so ure like “sorry yes i’m fine i didn’t have my coffee today so i may be a bit cranky”

“what happened? u sleep in or smth”

“yeah i slept at 4 last night”

“wHY did u do that”

“idK but i was running late just now and the line at the cafe was so long i stood in line for five minutes and i said nop class is abt to start”

“oh okey”

this keeps bugging him all throughout the lecture

so he turns to u when the lecture is over and he’s like

“u have another lecture next right”

“yes marcus i have another lecture that you’re taking with me”

“come ditch with me i’ll shout u a coffee”

“what really”

“for sure, we can catch up on the lecture in the library tonight”

and you remember that you’d made plans with your roommate my/n to go to the library that night anyway so you agree and let him know

so he’s like “oh rlly? can i bring my roomie along too he probs doesn’t have other plans anyway i hear they’re doing some kind of project so he better not be going anywhere” with a lil frown uwu angery mark

“sure don’t see why not. we’ll all study together”

“nice i’ll let him know”

“cool”

cool

u see where i’m going with this

waggles eyebrows

wink wink nudge nudge

click here to continue your friendship with paediatrics!haechan!

I ⇤ | II | ⇥ III

[unwarrantedopinions-blog1]

AJR/Fletcher/3OH!3 @ ISU’s Braden Auditorium

A different take to the blog this post. I went to a show alone up in the Blono area. For those of you who are reading this and aren’t local, it’s Bloomington-Normal which is the home of the Illinois State University Redbirds. Pretty campus, nice majors, etc. Definitely worth checking into if you’re in the market for college. I have a lot of friends who go here / have went here. The parties are dope, the bar scene is hype, and it’s a great little place overall to spend 2-4 years if you have that kind of time and money.

FIRST IMPRESSION:

This was my first concert at Braden Auditorium and I am going to give it about a 7.5/10 rating for the venue, 8/10 for the vibe, and artists individually will get reviews/ratings later on in the blog. The venue was actually really well ventilated and it stayed cool inside despite the fact that it was packed as fuck and everyone was flailing around like an octopus at a rave. Parking was big and spacious, I conveniently parked closest to the doors not even knowing where I was going. Shout out to Brady for getting me where I needed to go via Snap since I was clueless. It was more or less just following the masses. (Doesn’t that lead to mass murder or cults?) The merchandise was right inside the doors and everything was front and center. AJR was the only artist that had merchandise out so I bought their short sleeved tie dye shirt (I’m a slut for tie dye) and their dusty rose hoodie with “100 BAD DAYS 100 GOOD STORIES” on the back because obviously. That’s my favorite song off Neotheater. I think it was reasonably priced. $35 T-shirt and $65 hoodie. Lucky for me, I brought exactly $100. Amazing on me.

I’m really not a fan of “assigned seating venues” so that was a bummer at first but the chair was super convenient when I wasn’t feeling it for the middle set. The facility is super nice, the security/assistants were super nice, the vibe was super nice. Overall super nice. The box office workers were SO kind helping me get my ticket (obviously I needed a physical ticket for the collection) and pointing me in the right direction to my seat. The people I sat around were kind as well. I had a group of girlfriends to my right, a couple to my left at first, and friend groups ahead and behind. As the Fletcher set went on and I was sitting, I had a weird guy come up and sit in the empty seat to my left. He got creepy after a few minutes and, GOD BLESS, the two girls that were together behind me saved the day and pulled me up to the next row back with them. After a while he tried talking to the group of girlfriends that were to my right originally and after talking with them I found out they were 17!!! So I told them I’d walk them out to their car after the show and they were so appreciative. Girls helping girls is what this future needs to become. Aside from that little stutter, the seating was not the best but wasn’t the worst. Neutral rating there, but for future reference I am gonna try to avoid assigned seating venues. Dat shit lame.

The thing I like the most about this experience for myself was that I was able to let myself feel. I have an issue with bottling up my emotions and I don’t ever process them, I just shove them to the back of my mind and wait until the shelf is too full and one falls off and I deal with it when the glass breaks. So being able to sit here, reflect on my emotions, feel things for what they are at their own face value, it was really nice. I heard all of my feelings loud and clear, I cried tears of happiness, sadness, confusion, excitement. There was so much going on in my brain that I couldn’t hold any of it in. Music is one of the only things that allows me to feel freely and deeply, so this experience helped me sort through what I’ve been holding onto. Some days I wonder why I hold on. I think this is a good habit to get into: going to a concert alone once a month, maybe twice. Not just for me, but for anyone who has a deep connection with music, artists, albums, etc. Overall, a pleasant experience for what I dubbed “Solo Sunday”.

ARTIST REVIEW:

3OH!3 - The first artist up on stage was 3OH!3 and I am honestly so emo over that itself. I’ve been into them since I was in middle school so that was a dope experience. I didn’t think I would see them in concert in my entire life let alone be a few feet from them so that was super surreal and I felt so starstrukk (puns, lol). Honestly, they’re so hype and their humor is very plain, but it’s still funny. I loved their set, recorded half of it on my phone, and will probably blare them on the hour long drive home. It was seriously such a great moment for me, my 13-year-old self was LIVING HER BEST LIFE and I can’t say 22-year-old me could’ve complained either. (10/10)

Fletcher - Fletcher was the second artist out of the trio. Let me start by saying her voice is AMAZING and she is TALENTED. But it’s too loud and strong for the mic and that needs to be adjusted so it doesn’t sound so blaring and shitty. I wasn’t really feeling her set so obviously I sat and started this blog. You could barely understand half the words she was singing when she got quiet, you could only hear her when she was loud. Aside from the sound, her lyrics were spot on for any girl going through literally anything. “Wish I could get a little undrunk so I could uncall you, at 5 in the morning I would unfuck you”. Bruh. My CHEST. Who said she could come for my life like that? This is wack as FUCK, I got called out hard on the whole set. There’s just something about the emotion in her voice that make the lyrics hurt 10x more and I think that is what makes a good artist. I think she talks too much midset and between songs, but maybe she will learn as she tours more that not every song needs an explanation for why she wrote it or when she wrote it or where. Overall I think her lyrics were good, the sound was okay, but the set was mediocre at best. Maybe an artist better on recording compared to live, will definitely give her a listen and fair chance. (7.5/10)

AJR - First off, let me just say that AJR was/is/always will be a (not so) subtle obsession. Neotheater (album review post coming soon) got me in my feelies so fucking hard that I couldn’t breathe. It was a cheap rib shot and it made me want to reevaluate everything I’ve ever said or done in my entire life. Seeing them live, being in the same building as them, it had my feelings on a whole different level. This album has been my rock for the last few weeks on repeat and helping me through this rough patch of my life. Being at the NEOTHEATER WORLD TOUR was unreal. They bring so much hype and playful banter to the stage, seeing them interact with one another (they’re brothers slash the “they were roommates” vine) was so wholesome. The gig was INCREDIBLE. I recorded most of the set to have for the bad days and the sad days. They are fun, upbeat, and quirky in the best way. I cried for the first 4-5 songs because it was so surreal to me and I was just in awe of the fact that the music that I listen to so I can make it through the day sounds 10x better in person. The vibrations in your chest and the pounding headache you find yourself not minding, the amazing crowd that feels the same or similar to the way you do, and the hype that everyone in the place felt. It was all amazing and I will never miss another AJR show again. I really just sat there and soaked in my tears the whole set. It was satisfying in a weird way to connect with something so simple so deeply. (10/10)

THE DRIVE HOME:

The drive home was hype while I sat in the lot trying to leave all the way up until I got out of Blono. It began as a light jam session of “I’m Not Famous” and “Burn The House Down” in the lot, transitioned to 3OH!3 on shuffle (skipping for all the high tempo bops), and then winded down with a play through of Neotheater in its entirety. From the moment I hit the highway from the last exit taking me home, I started the album from the beginning. I let the words sink it, the emotions connect, and I was a bawling mess. I sang, I cried, I bobbed my head along time the heartbreaking truths the lyrics were throwing at me. I revisited painful things from my life, I planned out new future plans. I took my present life into consideration and started working on a plan to get it back together. By the time I got home, my face was covered in teary mascara streaks and my eyes were bloodshot and burning. My cheeks were red and I felt so exhausted. Letting my emotions get out in their own way made me feel like a new person. The months upon months of bottled up feelings are gone and it’s time to start over with new ones.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I enjoyed myself. That’s a phrase that will rarely come out of my mouth. But hey, it’s true. The experience was one of a kind, it was extraordinary, it was everything I wanted it to be. $50 to see a life altering show (dramatic, yes, but not entirely wrong either) was a steal. I would recommend an AJR headliner any day regardless of the openers. 3OH!3 as a headliner would slide if they had good openers. Fletcher as a headliner would be cool if you like that kind of thing. Don’t go to concerts alone unless you are adequately prepared to be alone. Help those around you, enjoy the moment, live for the now. Let those around you enjoy things in their own way. Be kind, be compassionate, be supportive. Enjoy the time you have because your days are numbered, regardless of the total amount. And when you think you shouldn’t do something because you don’t wanna go alone, do it anyway. It will be good for you and it will bring a new meaning to self care. I feel weightless and so wholesome. I am ready to tackle another week, month, and year.

[oftripps]

“ –– wow. ”  it’s not so much a critique as it is a g-rated expletive. tripp forces a smile mid-chew and blinks. “ my tastebuds are screaming. gah–– uh, singing. singing. ”  he avoids swallowing and as ring-decorated fingers snag a napkin, wide eyes drifting to the tabletop as a small jingle breezes past tensed lips. “ ~ allergic to mushrooms ~ ”

or, alternatively: this is somethin’ new! the caspar slide pt. 2 !! & this time, it’s ‘bout to get funky !!  so i’m linc and this is tripp and he’s........ a trip, honestly, so let’s just... yeet on into this ––

( joe keery + 22 + muse 12 ) isn’t that phillip joel “tripp” goodman over there? i heard he joined faction: one after they got back to west ham. it’s funny, ‘cause they were only on the service trip because HIS BANDMATES DUPED HIM INTO THINKING THE SIGN-UP WAS FOR A WOODS-THEMED OPEN MIC GIG. hopefully they fit in there – they’re JAUNTY but also OUTRÉ. oh, i’m sure they’ll be fine.

out the door !  ( tripp goodman: a roadmap )

look up townie family in the dictionary and you’ll find a portrait of the goodmans directly beside. these folks have a looooong flippin’ legacy here in lil’ ole west ham, kansas. it all started with montgomery goodman, a good man, who helped west ham’s founders break ground on this midwestern charmer several centuries ago. and now, the goodmans still live on the same property –– a refurbished farmhouse ( now closer to mcmansion ) surrounded by five acres of roooooollin’ hills. once upon a time, they were farming folk. now, theresa and joel goodman run the town’s one and only veterinary clinic. 

honestly, growing up? tripp was a problematic kid. he’d take in frogs from the woods and start his own frog hotels. he’d sneak pets from the clinic to school who “ needed help learning their numbers ”. in class, he’d flick sunflower seeds at the backs of his peers’ heads and, when threatened with discipline, claim he simply “ wanted to see if they’d grow  ” .  so no, to answer your question–– tripp never really saw the real wrath warranted by his rulebreaking.

in fourth grade, he chose the saxophone as his required instrument. he caused such a commotion in his house, that his parents asked his teachers to suggest something quieter. the viola. the flute. the clarinet. the piano. instruments came and went,;instruments were quickly mastered and abandoned. because dear lord, how many times could they listen to the spongebob theme song played on woodwind ?!  on strings ?!  once middle school rolled around, little phillip joel knew his way around a whopping total of six instruments, a tally that would only grow in the coming years. eventually, his parents caved and allowed him to keep playing, so long as he respected instrument curfews. they gave song requests to avoid hearing the same pieces on repeat: the goodman household was probably the only one blessed with an oboe-and-beatbox rendition of under the sea. young phillip joel’s take on the issue was simple: not all heroes wore capes.

( tw: domestic unrest, mentions of violence ) theresa and joel split when tripp was 9. just seven months later, tripp’s mother moved in with her girlfriend: tripp’s guitar teacher, ms. lillith. tripp didn’t mind ms. lillith. she was chill. he came to find out she could knock back a chocolate milk almost as fast as he could, and she liked her grilled cheeses with swiss only. his best friend became a thirty-six year old woman who happened to be his mother’s girlfriend. and that was fine. he could dig it. but joel goodman? oh no. his family name was tarnished. the scandal was too much to bear. joel sued for full custody and nearly made it, thanks to hometown politics and loyalties. but then he made one fatal mistake: he crossed his own son.

at 10 years old, fifth grade phillip joel returned home to his father’s after school with three fingernails painted effervescent blue. sidney frasier made me so cool, he gushed as he put his colored nails on proud display. dad, aren’t i so cool?  the next day, his dad enrolled him in the town’s peewee football program. he returned home from his first practice with a black eye and a split lip. from a ball, the coach insisted. hit the poor fella square in the face, real strong. phillip joel put up a fight against football; it wasn’t for him. it conflicted with music practice. couldn’t he just play music with ms. lillith instead?

the custody battle persisted. they settled on a parenting schedule. joel contested, consistently, months later. and so the cycle persisted up until phillip joel’s 12th year, when he was knocked out cold on the football field. the broken ribs came from hefty tackles. bruises from the fall. concussion from the impact. but theresa spun it to her advantage: joel had since started coaching the middle school team. this was an instance of parental neglect. and, when the courts didn’t comply, she instructed her son to jump down the stairs. one broken ankle later, and joel goodman was accused of child abuse. his word against his injured son’s. the maneuver won theresa full custody. phillip joel has yet to forgive himself.

after the custody battle’s conclusion, joel stayed in town: but phillip joel didn’t want a thing to do with sharing his name. his mother still scolds him as phillip joel, but to everyone else, he became tripp –– inspired by his knack for, you guessed it!, tumbling over his own two feet.

in high school, tripp was the class clown. always smirking, always grinning, always ready to catch someone off guard. he became a pivotal part of west ham high’s jazz band, and even formed a small group with a few buds: face. they played some school events: homecoming, pep rallies, prom. garage-baked young rock, their songs often preached meetings under bleachers and high school never ending. 

in senior year, the band saw a reboot: and after assuming a more indie, spacey sound and a nifty new name –– 1757. –– they saw a rise in local celebrity. coffee shops commissioned them for jam nights. they played on the local radio. so they collectively decided to stick around and see how far they could ride this west ham fame train. with tripp as their frontman, they always leave a memorable impression: he’s not exactly the most run-of-the-mill performer.

1757.’s sound is reminiscent of LANY: i’ve reblogged a few tunes onto tripp’s blog for reference. he’s v much a paul klein / matty healy vibe. big into music. big into losing himself in it.

so what was he up to before the service trip? playin’ tunes. working part-time as a waiter. and brainstorming ways to get out of going on this trip, as soon as he realized his stupid bandmates lied about the form he signed. an open mic in the woods ! pah !  he should have known. but the concept sounded pretty flippin’ cool.

wear our shades on our nose, 'cause we're cool like that ( tripp goodman: the man, the myth, the ledge )

oh god, he’s  w e i r d .  he believes in goblins and ghosts and aliens ( oh my )!

still VERY VERY close with his mother. v broken up about not being able to get through to her, because it was about to be his parents’ wedding anniversary and they were going to anti-celebrate it with big slices of oreo cheesecake and setting things on fire.

how he feels about coming home to west ham: post apocalyptic version.

uhhhh... can he please get a waffle? specifically a cinnamon raisin waffle with extra cinnamon and a shit ton of syrup? actually. syrup with a side of waffles?

why he was banned from his personal twitter.

“ do you even lift, bruv? ”  * proceeds to pick up a teacup & lift his pinkie like a true knock-off british monarch, shitty accent included *

listens to wham! and glam rock. unironically.bluetooth speaker mounted on his bike. no helmet! like an absolute boss. he knows!! wild!! shades on. it’s 2am. it’s dark. but true swag obeys no clock.

catch him biking everywhere stranger things style, actually. his bike’s name is milo because he can roll on for miles. mess with milo and he’ll fuck u up. aka find out if you’re lactose intolerant and slip heavy cream into your meal.

has a strong vendetta against blue doritos. which might take root in some horrific experiences involving cheez wiz, cool ranch, weed, and the new york subway system at 4am on a tuesday. spring break freshman year of college. oof.

he has a lil drawwwwl. tease him about it. he’ll probably blush.

stress-hums chili’s babyback ribs without realizing. catch him singin’ that about to be murdered.

weapon of choice: kindness.

actual weapon of choice: baseball bat.

he will write little jingles to keep morale up. “ so we’re trapped / cash us inside / how bou’ dat ? ”

has a passion for introspective literary quotes. but... has somehow managed to learn each and every one wrong.

friggin’ loves superheroes even though he can’t be bothered to watch the films? he just… always used to get made fun of for liking comic books even though he never read them? “ arachnid man is uh...  heh. he’s pretty dope, huh? ” he embraces the falsehood. someone call him on it.

9/10 times if he’s in the gym, it’s just to eat his donut and watch pay-per-view movies on the bike for free.

apple pie can absolutely be breakfast if you try hard enough. jeez. get with the times, man!

he had a legitimate pet rock before going on this service trip. but has no idea where that bugger’s gone. probably got fed up with tripp serenading him with “ we will rock you ” at all hours of the night.

lawful good. will wave other drivers on forever.

got into an accident on his bike once. bitch broke his arm and he just kept on smiling.  “ no you have a nice day! and uh.... hey. mind if we like... call an ambulance? ”

low key feels like he’s the reason his parents’ marriage crumbled. low key guilty about it. low key wonders if maybe he lived up to his father’s expectations, he might have saved them a lot of grief.

give benny goodman by saint motel a listen and tell me that’s not his soul in audio form.

known for slightly hyperbolic storytelling.

pansexual as heck. falls in love. hard. it’s a mess. he can’t hide it. hence the shades.

he has brilliant hair. and it’s immortalized in his high school yearbook.

is hellbent on being a source of positivity in this terrible situation. can he interest you in a meme in these trying times? how ‘bout a granola bar? maybe a good ole game of mash?

he’s convinced this is an elaborate prank. or a social experiment. maybe aliens. but let’s not question it too much, let’s just.... have a good time? hakuna matata? no worries? lol where the twizzlers at?!

leaves a voicemail for his mother every morning and every night. maybe he cries. maybe.

he has one ear pierced because like.......... senior year of high school, he wanted to feel more cool.

allergic to mushrooms, shellfish, eggs, and harbingers of doom.

he truly boggles minds. just.... v out there? v spacey. he closes his eyes and drifts about on stage, fingers dancing on the keys, body moving in eclectic ways. he says “groovy” and fuckin’ means it. he dresses in prints inspired by grandma’s carpet. lots of half-buttoned flowy shirts, boots, tailored statement pants, dangly necklaces. he’s got his hands full of rings –– they symbolize milestones. and some are just, like... pretty. and one’s his mother’s old wedding band.

where the hell are my friends !  ( wanted connectz. )

i was gonna do a whole section on this and got lazy but like.... anything. all the things. good, bad, ugly, beautiful. hurt him. make him suffer. but also support him a bit.

i imagine he’s got a solid squad goin’. he’s in faction one too, so... hmu for those.

i feel like he’d be pretty chill with the greeks? yeah bro, he parties. he’ll chill. he’ll crack open a cold one and pretend to understand what those letters on your jacket mean! pie-apple-fate-uh? cool stuff !

ride or dies. pls.

he needs someone to like....... melt his heart. maybe someone unexpected.

thisssss got long & disorganized but yes! let’s plot! let’s do this thang! #hype!!

[blacktribbles]

Peaches 🍑 &

Anime Dreams ⭐️

I don’t think many people dream of growing up and living in the same city their entire life. Not being able to see different things outside their own world and limiting their world view. Unfortunately it happens, maybe far too often to count. I hoped and prayed that would never happen to me; as I got older and began to travel a bit more I began to realize how much I love the area I’m in, how much I love the Greater Philadelphia area. However, I promised myself that there are a few cities in the US that I MUST travel to and get a feel for, for when I eventually do leave the area that raised me (inevitable due to future career wants). One of those cities was Atlanta Georgia, and what better reason to go to the state where the players play, and people ride out like everyday, than to go to Momocon and celebrate a special birthday with some friends.

The crew that was riding with me were My homie Mike (aka the Wizard Tribble), his girlfriend Gabe (Director, Producer, and 1 half of the horror podcast “The Ghouls Next Door) and my girlfriend Kat (Producer and the other half of “The Ghouls Next Door). We flew in early Friday morning and hit the ground running when we landed in Atlanta. Things moved quickly in the airport. It was wide open, thoroughly organized with no real confusion, which I was not used to from the Philadelphia airport where pigeons would just sit and claim their spot to a seat right beside you in the airport. There was also this air of safety that honestly rubbed my Philadelphian grit in an odd way but I was very appreciative it was noticed. First time in a new city, the first thing anyone wants is some confirmation of safety.

Once we stepped outside, leaving the comfort of the ATL airport that safeguarded us with AC, we were blessed by the loving and excessive sun. Back home in PA the weather consistently flip flops, unsure of what season it wants to be throughout the day let alone the week. Here in Georgia though, in the city of Atlanta, it was bright and sunny all day and week long with a high of 95 and low of about 63 at night. It felt wonderful knowing that there was going to be a steady weather condition to prepare for. The sun was kissing my skin, invoking the power of my melanin–while burning some of my friends. They enjoyed it all the same luckily.

We arrived early to ATL, early enough to call a ride to the nearby diner to get some good southern breakfast in our systems. From the airport to the diner it felt like we were being taken on a small ATL tour. Passing by us was beautiful scenery, birds chirping, healthy, luscious green trees–adding a perfect amount of nature to the populated urban jungle. The letters GT were everywhere for Georgia Tech. A university that seemed to just keep expanding its territory wherever we roamed. The architecture of the city was sleek, not overly futuristic but reminiscent of Philly. It was modern with some buildings taking a design chance on aesthetics; adding in solar panels, wide open glass roof structures, inverted and curved buildings, the chances taken weren’t over the top and did just enough to stand out. Definitely caught my eye.

We finally arrived at a diner close to where we stayed—Silver Skillet Diner, a place that has hosted the likes of Samuel L. Jackson, and Dave Chappelle to name a few. It’s here that my friends and I are able to take Atlanta in more and notice that yep, this may not be Texas but things sure are thiccer (Yes with 2 C’s) down here in the south. We ordered our meals, with everyone of us making sure to get a bowl of grits–mine as a side to my chicken and waffles. Which, were so crispy yet tender. Only made better by the soft waffles and the sticky sweet syrup to combo it all together perfectly. We finish up and pay our bill. Finally we head to our Airbnb.

We get there and are blown away at the place. Nice balcony, modern furniture with a TV in every room, kitchen is dope and has a beautiful island for us to eat at and lean on. The bathrooms are HUGE and the bedrooms are perfectly fitted for 2. To top it off we had access to a summer lounge area that led to a nice pool and fitness center. Place was so good we had to take a instagram video of it. We were in prime location. Downtown Atlanta, right next to the expressway, walking distance from markets and other restaurants, clothing chains and if we didn’t want to walk we could scooter around wherever we wanted to. Yes, I said scooter around. Not like kick push scooter but motorized. Rideshare companies like Lyft & Uber have motorized scooters you can take by going through the same process as you would by ordering a driver except it’s cheaper and you scan a QRcode to activate the scooter. When you’re finished using it, you hop off, pay and just leave it. Drivers come around later in the day and pick up said scooters and recharge them for later use. It was the strangest but coolest thing to see. Definitely had too much fun bending coroners whipping the scooters like I was in rocket power.

After unpacking and taking more IG photos of our Airbnb, it was time to hit the scene and check out the hype around Momocon. What started out as just a “pick up my badge and go” operation turned into a full storm of fun and adventure. When we arrived at Momocon we took it like any other convention and didn’t pay it much attention, the jaded-ness of being a frequent convention goer showing. That is until we got our badges. We got them, so finally we had access to everything the convention had to offer. We rushed the escalators and slid down the rails to do so again until we reached the convention floor. The choices laid out before were the vendors alley, or the gaming hall. We chose the gaming hall for day one.

A concert of echoing laser sounds, dance taps, sirens, alarms, and winning shouts filled the floor and us with it, enveloped in its energy joined the fray. Game after game we played. Putting our bid to even win some the next day. New friends were made, cosplays were stellar, and I got to chill with one of my favorite Pokémon–Blastoise.

We caught wind of a very rare concert happening that night. One my close friend and I have been dying to see. It was the Bytes & Beats Nujabes Tribute concert featuring the NPC Collective, Richie Branson, Asheru, And our favorites–Substantial and Shing02. If you know anything about great anime then you know about Samurai Champloo. An anime that still stylistically, artistically, and musically, holds up and stands the test of time. Those who watched Samurai Champloo leave with a spirit of hypeness and angsty rebellion. That is if they’re the Mugen type. Those like myself who align more like Jin, feel the counter balance energy of flow. The subtle and instinctual vibrations of being in one's element–just riding the current. One of the biggest things to enjoy about Samurai Champloo is its music. Samurai Champloo had a lot of its music crafted by a Japanese DJ named Nujabes. In my eyes, Nujabes is a god among DJ’s. Shoot, a whole generation of young adults and older can thank him for all the music that inspired if not created the genre of chill-hop & lo-fi.

It was the type of music that could soothe the savage beast, could bring you to this place of perfect concentration like you took the limitless pill. The Beats Nujabes crafted was the type of music that makes you think of the perfect weekend drive by sunset cruising the city blocks or mountain roads or the plains of the countryside–windows down with your one arm doing the free flowing roller coaster motion. That feel good–I’m alive vibe. Then topped with the lyrical stylings of artists like Substantial and Shing02, enhanced everything passed the stratosphere and takes the listener to this otherworldly plain of profound worldly views and humbleness. Even with the uptempo joints it felt like every artist that blessed the track, and Nujabes blessing the beat, it just spoke humble confidence. In short, Nujabes was that dude!

Nujabes collaborated with many artists, but the two that he collaborated with and stood out the most were Substantial and Shing02. He worked on joint albums with both (that are historic for chill-hop culture and must listens) but it was with Shing02 specifically that the two together blessed anime fans worldwide as they collaborated on the intro theme song to Samurai Champloo–Battle Cry. A song so enigmatic that just the utterance of its name begins to make my head bop in rhythmic hip hop fashion. Needless to say, we were going to that damn concert!

It was Friday night, we were in Atlanta, we were looking fly, it’s our first time ever at Momocon and quite possibly our first and only time at this Nujabes tribute concert. We were gonna make sure we had a great fucking time. We did everything possible to make sure we got up close and personal to the stage. I may have stuff-armed a person or two….We made sure to take in all the ambience and to not miss a single beat nor lyric felt or heard. We expected greatness and would be damned if we didn’t have a chance to bear witness to it up close and personal.

The concert began and we were taken to a land of hip hop joy, geek excellence, and a dream fulfilled. The concert started at 11pm and didn’t end till about 3am. For those who waited and held out to the very end like my friends and I were treated to a very special rendition of Battle Cry. A new version with verses from every artist that graced the stage prior, and instrumental solos. This shit was absolutely BONKERS and I LOVED every single moment of it. I’ll add, it was made even better that after the show, the artists came out and interacted with the fans. A humble group of men for sure.

Friday was a blockbuster hit in our books. What happened on Saturday though put everything over the top.

Saturday was special. It was Kat’s birthday and all of us were doing our first ever group cosplay. We decided a while back that we’d do the teen titans in casual attire. This was based off the popular artwork of Gabriel Picolo. So, for me that meant I got to embody a character that I along with many others believe I emulate–Cyborg. I dawned the cybernetic blue and steel grey and white face paint, put on a DC Comics Cyborg shirt to rep him even harder, and topped it off with a colorful playstation jacket. Your man was looking fresh out here. To round out our cast of titans was Kat as Raven, Mike as Robin/Nightwing and Gabe as Starfire. Our rule was if we see a Beast Boy, we adopt him for a family photo; and sure enough we did.

We bursted into Momocon towards the backend of a DC vs Marvel Photoshoot. We got a couple pictures taken there then dispersed to get our own in front of the Momocon banner. That’s when it began to happen. It started off quietly by a singular person, then it built into a loud murmur from everyone I see, then it finally erupts into a loud “DOPE COSPLAY CYBORG” from groups of people. Wherever we went I was getting noticed, our team and group cosplay was getting noticed. I don’t think we ever knew it would become such a big deal. I know I didn’t at the time until it was pointed out to me that, every teen titans cosplay done by a group is ALWAYS lacking a Cyborg; everyone but ours. It was a moment that really struck home for me. It began to make more sense as the day progressed. Little kids were coming up to me saying “BOOYAH!” and singing the teen titans theme song. People loved us, they wanted our pictures, put us in videos, stopped what they were doing just to chat with us. It was major. It without a shadow of a doubt drove home the message to me that representation matters. I know some out there will say it’s not super important but after Momocon, after seeing little black boys and girls smile with joy and sing teen titans with me, after they get excited by the utterance of the word booyah by another black character, that families start showing me off to their kid cosplayers and other adult cosplayers of color pause everything because they NEED to take a photo with you...you just can’t ignore how important that is. To be able to see yourself as a hero. To see oneself as greater than for once, when most of–if not all of society says you can only fit into these certain boxes. To see someone else that looks like you in a positive light; that’s all it takes to break a negative cycle, that’s all it takes to create another hero. For a small moment in time, I was inspiring to those around me; and I hope that the sliver of inspiration that I sparked stays ignited in those I met. I know it surely will with me.

But I digress.

Beyond the massive success of our group cosplay, beyond the elation and fun had for Kat’s birthday, the icing on the cake was being able to meet a famous cosplayer by the name of KieraPlease. This was after an intense dance dance revolution session in which I sat and recorded video and got exhausted looking at everyone else go. It was pure happenstance, which resulted into pure happiness when we finally met. I don’t get starstruck often but I must say, words failed me for our brief interaction. I saw her, saw my friends, and shot my shot at a possible chat and photo opportunity for us all. I took the shot and it went in (KOBE!!). After the picture she hugged us all and had a nice conversation with the Ghouls (Kat & Gabe) which I’m sure made their day if the hug didn’t already. It’s great to note that as a team, we have this cosplay thing down well. When a pro says you got it, you freaking got it! More so, it was better to finally meet someone your used to seeing on a cellphone or laptop screen. A living breathing tangible person, who quite honestly is living her best life fully and truly can be looked at as a symbol of positivity; a role model even. Just like that, day two was in the books.

So, I think I brought you along far enough on my experience in ATL. Detailing 2 key days. Now let me change things up on you a bit and give you my overall thoughts of Atlanta and Momocon as a whole.

Atlanta itself is a hotbed of culture. On the weekend we went, that weekend alone had a bevy of major events happening all weekend long. There was Momocon, Caribbean festival and parade, a food festival, and Stone Mountain fireworks and light show to name a few. As one of our lyft drivers said, ATL is a hotbed of culture because it is made up of a lot of different cultures and people from around the US. Atlanta has its own swagger but it is the culmination of others that has shaped the way it is today. Atlanta is a Transplant City. Many people are moving to Atlanta because of the opportunities that present itself. From music, TV, movies, overall entertainment and broadcasting, the warm weather, the great food, the architecture, the various modes of transportation (ONE TIME FOR THE SCOOTERS), the cheaper housing, and generally you get more out of your earned dollar; why people move there makes sense. And like all major cities Atlanta has its issues, shoot the state of Georgia alone is a bit problematic depending on where you slide politically. But my time spent there will be one for the history books. It’s definitely a place worth traveling to again. Next time I go, I’ll be sure to do more exploring. I didn’t get a chance to travel the halls of Cartoon Network (IF ANYONE ONE IN THE HR DEPARTMENT IS READING THIS, HIRE ME PLEASE) so that’s reason enough for me to go back. That and I didn’t get to try some of Hattie B’s Nashville hot chicken or the slutty vegan sandwich. There’s always next time though.

As for Momocon….IN-FREAKING-CREDIBLE! Momocon has that extra something. That nudge to taking it up one more notch to make it great. No, it is not as big as DragonCon and maybe it won’t get the same recognition or acclaim but Momocon is a phenomenal con. Momocon brought me back to 2014, when I first started going to conventions. My first one at the time was Otakon and to this day I don’t think any other con will hold as special of a spot in my heart as Otakon. But Momocon, Momocon was dangerously close to taking that spot. Which lets me know and hopefully you, the reader, now that it’s just that damn good! The crowd size of the convention is comparable to say the Greater Philadelphia comic con. Meaning there’s a large crowd and over a thousand things to do but you never have to fear about missing out on something. You can and will get to everything you want if you have patience. The event staff from security to the PR and press team were absolutely amazing. All were easy to talk to and informative, helpful and never overbearing. What truly made Momocon as great as it is in my eyes, is that it at its core it remained an anime and gaming convention. It wasn’t a comic convention with anime sections, it was an anime and gaming convention that accepted comic lovers just as much as it did its anime and gaming fans. Anime and gaming is my bread and butter, it’s what got me into this geeky, blerd, pop-culture world I exist in currently. Momocon stayed true to that core value. The sheer fact they had Substantial and Shing02 performing live in concert said more than enough for me. Momocon you are in fact, a real one.

Atlanta….I’ll be back in the future. Whether that be for work or pleasure, or hell maybe to be a transplant myself and live there. All this kid from the burbs of Philly has to say left is…

Peace up, A-Town down.

Much love,

– Isaiah Luck aka Broku

Assistant Producer

Black Tribbles

[pnrrish]

where did you find that nora post, this is relevant to me deciding whether I can ignore tfc being shoved down my throat once and for all

i stumbled onto her blog without realizing it was hers, and i couldn’t for the life of me find the post again if i wanted to (and a. i don’t want to because b. i don’t want to scroll her blog anymore) but it’s for sure not the only post of hers along those lines.

if you’re trying to decide whether you should read tfc and decide for yourself, they’re available through the kindle store for less than $4 total (the first one is free) so it’s not too horrendous an investment but

like, i was never satisfied with the vibe i got from the books. i ended up invested in the characters because i have the compulsive need to finish books, so by the time i was done i was sort of in love with most of them and i at least tolerated the rest. so i’m heartbroken that the author is...like this. the fandom is at least nice.

if you do decide to go ahead and read it anyway, here are some things i picked up on that i think i should warn you about: (uhhhhh warning for freaking everything? rape murder gore abuse &c.)

-not necessarily relevant but it’s self-published so the typos really shine

-first of all it’s a college sports novel, but the sports is a fictional game called exy which is essentially indoor lacrosse, which nora invented so she wouldn’t have to google any sports rules, which isn’t a crime or anything but i already dislike her on a personal level

-the whole plot of chapter one is that the main character is rather violently coerced into signing for the Foxes, the worst exy team in the nation. due to his history the publicity will put his life in danger. after he signs he has a panic attack/vivid flashback to his mother’s abuse.

-every single main character has a deeply traumatic backstory, which is part of the gimmick that the main character’s team is deliberately handpicked from the most broken homes imaginable. ostensibly due to the coach’s vision of giving these traumatized kids a second chance. the upshot is that every single one of them is an intolerable asshole.

-i guess the lesson is that just cause someone’s behavior is understandable doesn’t mean it’s excusable. i certainly don’t excuse it.

-oh while we’re on the subject the coach regularly calls each and every one of them, individually and collectively, r*t*rd and is never taken to task for his poor choice of vocabulary

-and while we’re on the subject of poor vocabulary one of the main characters (the most intolerable of them) is almost exclusively referred to as “psycho” or “monster,” for the crime of being on medication** as part of his court-ordered parole (which would be sort of understandable due to his intolerable asshole behavior, except that everyone who knew him before he was medicated prefers him doped up) (**the medication also isn’t really working the way it’s supposed to but that’s neither here nor there)

-just in the first half of the first book the main character is coerced into attending a party several hours’ drive from campus, then at that party he is drugged by his teammates and left to fend for himself

--when he chooses to hitchhike back to campus instead of being driven back by the intolerable asshole who dragged him out in the first place and helped drug him, he gets reamed out by coach and asked if he’s “actually that r*t*rd*d”

-just in the first half of the first book he is repeatedly abused during practice by the captain of his team--made to run drills until he collapses, told that he’s a worthless addition to the team, &c.

-twice during the series the main character is kidnapped and brutalized almost to the point of death. the second time this happens the whole ordeal is described over the course of several chapters in loving, almost fetishistic detail

-an offscreen attempted suicide is nevertheless described in detail

-an offscreen successful suicide is mentioned and then immediately blamed on the main character

-a murder occurs on screen and is described in gory detail

-said character was murdered while in the act of raping one of the main characters

-in the second book the main character essentially allows himself to be kidnapped and abused by an opposing team in order to prevent another character from being abused, but the abuse occurs anyway (albeit offscreen)

-said opposing team is described as cult-like and every team member is deeply traumatized by it although most of them probably aren’t aware

-because said opposing team is run by the japanese mafia, it is considered acceptable

-as part of each character’s 3edgy5me backstory, several past murders are described in loving detail

-one character gets into a relationship which he has to keep secret for two books so that his brother doesn’t kill his girlfriend. later on, said brother discovers said girlfriend and threatens her. he tells another character that he would have killed her if he had a weapon on hand.

-said brother/the aforementioned most intolerable asshole routinely threatens to kill people, often to their face. that’s just a thing he does. nobody cares. i think at one point someone politely requests that he consider maybe not doing that anymore.

-said brother/asshole actually does try to kill the captain of their team in the third book

-the best that can be said for any character development is that most of them end up slightly more stable than how they started out. when you’re constantly stacking new trauma on top of old trauma it doesn’t leave much room for growth.

-the main character ends up fuck buddies with the one character who has repeatedly told him, to his face, “I hate you.”

-the fandom likes to pretend they’re uwu softboys who are in a soft loving relationship but that is not the case at all

-at best, in the epilogue when one says this is, in fact, a relationship the other doesn’t verbally disagree. imo this is the fandom equivalent of going to a fancy restaurant that only serves plain toast and penning a rave yelp review complimenting the taste of the jam you brought yourself.

-so uh, yeah

[heebiejbies]

Works In Progress Tag

I was tagged by @oh-beyond to do this! Legit guys, if you haven’t already, go check her stuff out. I found her through her hybrid series and I was hooked. She has so many other dope things, so yeah go check her out! She recently updated Savior and omg guys I’m flipping all of the tables over it

So, I’m going to tag a few writers as well! Gotta spread the love yanno? Also, sorry if you’ve done this before (you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to)! @kollectionn @narika-a (how’s your angst? ;) lmao) @kpopfanfictrash @fluffyjenope @chanseoyong @nct-for-life @taemins-dolphin  

Before I start let me just say I have a bad habit of starting things and leaving them 80% finished or I complete them and don’t post them because I feel like they suck but what the hey here are things I will post

Limerence - Chapter X

Status: Final touches and editing

Preview: 

A few days later and still no word for Suho. Sehun had been staying at my house since that night, but he said that when he did go over to his house he didn’t see Suho there. I brought up the fact of that being a little questionable, but Sehun reassured me and said that he would be fine wherever he was. It still didn’t put my mind at ease, though.

While Sehun was busy working on one of my off days, I decided to sneak Sehun’s house keys and go look around their house for myself. He was too busy typing away at his computer to notice that I had taken his keys from the kitchen counter, giving me the perfect opportunity to sneak out of the house. I walked up to their front door and started to unlock the door, looking around to see if any of the neighbors were outside and paying attention. Though, If any of them were to see me, they know how close Sehun and I are so they wouldn’t think anything of it.

“Suho? Are you here? It’s me, Urs!” Once in the house, I called out to him. I walked through the downstairs, calling for him as I did so. I opened the back door and called again, “Suho? Are you out here?” I unlocked my phone and dialed his number. I listened to see if I could hear it ring, but I only heard silence. I headed up the stairs to Suho’s room. I attempted to open his door, but it was locked.

“Suho? Are you in there?” I knocked on his door and pressed my ear to it to see if I could hear him. I knocked again after no response, when I didn’t hear anyone inside I decided to pick the lock. I took one of the bobby pins from my hair and bent it so I could stick it in the lock. It took a minute or two, but I finally managed to unlock it. When I entered his room, I didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. It actually looked like noone had been in his room for days.

Around the same time, I got a text message. From Suho. I opened it up to read our last conversations and to see his response.

(Continues under the read more.)

Homme Fatale

Status: Writing

Preview: 

When she awoke she found herself tied to a chair in what seemed to be a basement of sorts. The room smelled of mold and mildew, and the chill of the air sent shivers up her spine. She looked around her surroundings, but all she found was an empty room. Wait—no, not empty. Another man stood in the corner of the room silently observing her. He had an innocent face, but the gun strapped to his side said otherwise. He was absolutely adorable, to say the least. He had a dangerous vibe to him though, one that made her tremble under his stare.

“If you're done with checking me out, I'd like to give you a rundown on what you're here for.” He came over to me and ripped the duct tape off of my mouth. “Now, be a good girl for me and when your boyfriend comes back with a camera make sure to send daddy a convincing message,” He cackled.

“What are you talking about?”

“You're going to be bait for your daddy, sweetheart.”

Yuta came in shortly after, a camera in hand. When he saw the look of betrayal on her face he felt disappointed in himself. He quickly came back to his senses and made his way over to her. He focused the camera on her, “Alright, dollface. Give your father a good show, maybe cry and scream a little. Hearing his little girl screaming and crying will be enough persuasion.”

‘How did this happen to me?’ She thought. She felt ashamed that she had regrettably trusted this man so blindly, even letting him into her home unsupervised. She had been raised to know better than this, but something about Yuta made everything she learned fade away. How she wished she could go back to that night at the bar and stopped their insidious relationship before it got to this point now.

Surprise I’m finally writing more NCT~

Abducted

Status: Writing

Preview: 

“Has he lost his mind?! Why the hell would he bring them here?!” Kai had his ear pressed to the door to the hallway. When he heard voices outside, he couldn’t help but wonder what they were talking about. The voices had started arguing, that much he knew. He listened longer to see if he could learn anything new.

“Where else was he supposed to bring them? They’re safer here than anywhere else. He just wants-” He couldn’t hear the rest of the conversation because the voices got quieter. The only thing he heard was when one of the people outside walked away. “This is bullshit!” The voice said, then he heard footsteps going back down the hallway.

“They said that we were safe here, but that’s all I could hear,” He informed. Each of them seemed to be losing their minds. They had been stuck in the room for four days with absolutely nothing to do. There were no windows in the room, no books, no TV, no games, nothing they could entertain themselves with. Chanyeol had even found that teasing D.O no longer occupied his time well enough anymore. Kai stayed in his place by the door hoping to hear more, and finally, his hopes were answered.

“This is absolutely absurd! I can’t believe he thinks that this is a good plan!”

“You know not to question him, it will do no good. We can do nothing but respect his plan and silently go along with it.” He recognized the voices as the two from before. He pressed his ear closer to the door so he could hear better. “If they’re going to be here for awhile, don’t you think they should at least have something to do? Do you know how bored they must be by now?”

Play Pretend

Status: Revising

Preview:

The remained in their embrace, silent. Being in one another’s arms was enough for them at the moment, no words were needed between them. She swept the hair away from his forehead and kissed it, “As long as I get to hold you like this, all of it will be fine.” Kai didn’t know what in particular ‘it’ was that she was referring to, so he simply returned the kiss.

“That’s a nice lipstick shade. How did you know red was my favorite color on you?” He teased. She subconsciously brought her hand to her lips, giving Kai the perfect opportunity to intertwine their fingers. He brought her hand near his lips and kissed her knuckles, then tear slid down his cheek, “Jongin, please don’t cry,” She wiped the tear away with her free hand.

“These aren’t sad tears. These are happy tears. I’m so happy to be with you right now,” He confessed. She pulled him in for a gentle kiss, he let go of her hand and gripped onto her body. He pulled their bodies as close together as they could get, this was a place where they could escape from reality together. A place where they could be happy together and free from worries of the real world.

“What are you two doing?!” Chanyeol had entered the room quietly, not expecting to find his best friend’s girlfriend and his other friend kissing in the bedroom. Suho and Baekhyun came running down the hallway and into the room, the rest of the members following close behind. Kai and (Y/N) didn’t separate from their embrace, but seeing Baekhyun’s face made her pull away from Kai.

“(Y/N), Kai, what is going on?” Chanyeol asked again, his tone becoming one that she had never heard. He sounded so stern, so harsh, but he just walked in on what he thinks to be his best friend’s girlfriend cheating on him so he had every right to be that way. The eyes of Suho, (Y/N), and Kai all were focused on Baekhyun, everyone else’s eyes were focused on (Y/N) and Kai.

Baekhyun was the first to do something. He turned and ran out of the room, possibly out of the dorm even.

“Baekhyun, wait a minute!” Kai and (Y/N) took off running after Baekhyun, Suho following in suit.

No One Believes Me - Vampire!AU

Status: Pending

Preview: N/A

Deranged - Hope

Status: Pending

Preview: N/A

[jessjamz-blog1]

HERE’S A THING: KYLIE HUGHES - SELF TITLED

In which we go track by track of the new album and I tell you some things.

1. "Heat"

I'm so embarrassed to say that I didn't really realize this song wasn't referring to cars / driving literally, but it's SUCH a strong opening song that gives a really good feel for what the album's sound is like. It's easy to see why it was picked as one of the singles -- this song is so catchy and has such a great hook that you really can't help but singalong. It's got a great vibe and interesting lyrics and shows off her vocals well -- this song is the reason why I decided to keep listening to the album.

2. "Gotta Get Out"

I'm sure Kylie's gotten comparisons to Taylor Swift in the past, but dude, this song is SUCH a Taylor Swift song. But like, the era of Taylor Swift that was my absolute favorite. This is easily one of my favorites on the album, and it almost completely has to do with the details: the stomp claps in the background are a great touch to a song that's meant to be sung with your girlfriends in a car with the top down. The background harmonies are gorgeous, but (and this is going to be the Vocal Major in me) her diction in the song's verses is so strong and straight *clap* to *clap* the *clap* point that it makes me want to sing this in a sassy voice that I don't even really have. Don't even get me started on that sick sick build of 'shit that you don't need' that builds to the chorus. GENIUS.

3. "Leave It Alone"

Alright... I have to admit, this song I had to give a few listens to before I dug it. It's not that it's a bad song -- it's actually catchy as hell once I got into it -- but it does feel a little out of place in the album as a whole. Whereas every song I can hear the Shania Twain and Taylor Swift influences, this one is 100% an Elle King "Ex's and Oh's" comparison for me. Again, not a bad thing, but I only just started liking that song. So.

4. "Love Somebody Else"

HEEEEELP. I love sad songs. It's the 2000s emo kid in me. This song kills me but like, in the best possible way. "I'm as good as it gets / but if you want second best, be my guest and go on and love somebody else" -- OUCH. Right in my heart. Listen, I'm a heartless bitch and haven't been in love with somebody in a very very long time but this song makes me want to gaze soulfully out the window as the rain pours outside. "Love Somebody Else" is a movie moment.

5. "Always On Your Side"

The 46 second long intro in this song is everything. Everything. It really brings you on the journey of the song itself: "you won't ever leave this town, but if you wanna burn it down, I'll help you light it" is such beautiful imagery and wordplay and it's complemented perfectly by the music, with the haunting piano combining with the crashing drums. This is another one of my favorites on the album.

6. "Little Did You Know"

I consider this and the past two songs the Emo Era of this album. Look, it's not a bad thing. I told you, I love sad songs. And this is the perfect trifecta to the Emo Era: "Little Did You Know" is such an angry, sad, frustrated, above it all song and the build to the key change in the end is perfectly executed. Yet another one of my favorites on the album, with lyrics like "little did you know, you had me / and I don't miss you at all" speaking volumes. And the outro is a perfect contemplative way to bring an end to the song, with it just softly fading away. A++++

7. "Hungover"

This has a bit of an indie feel to it that I'm pretty into. Still the country / pop you're used to at this point on the album, but just a bit of an edge to it that if you find your interest waning halfway through, this definitely will pick it back up. One of my favorite parts about the way Kylie does music is that she can take lyrics that sound dumb, like "passed out on the couch / with pizza in my mouth / don't know how I got home / but thank god I'm here alone," and breathe life and a new angle to them with her vocals and music. "Hungover" on first listen sounds dumb... but is easily one of my favorite songs lyrics-wise on the album.

8. "Dead or Alive​"

"You force my hand, you won't win this fight / gonna take you dead or alive"

This song -- its lyrics and instrumentals -- could have easily come across as cheesy. You can't deny that. It's a fine line. But "Dead Or Alive" walks it perfectly, sounding like a song I could easily see performed live by an opening act for John Mayer (which, guess what, Kylie once did). The guitar solo is killer and her yell of 'save your soul tonight!' near the end honestly had me whispering out loud in the middle of Starbucks, "well damn."

9. "Uh Huh"

Gonna be honest, this is probably one of my favorite produced songs on the album. Kylie's voice just sits so perfectly in the track. ANYWAY, music major nerdiness aside, this song is probably one of the easier listens on the album and one of the most pop. It's one of those songs I can imagine sitting poolside to, just soaking in the sun, for like, a moody Lana Del Rey summer. It's understated -- maybe in a way that it shouldn't be for a song that's 9th on the album, but I digress -- but it holds its own against the rest of the album.

10. "Free Fallin"

I WAS HOPING THIS WAS A TOM PETTY COVER AND IT'S NOT BUT IT'S OKAY. But Kylie, do one please. It would be dope.

Anyway. Whereas the last song was a "Summertime Sadness" song, this one is 100% an Ingrid Michaelson "Girls Chase Boys" track. It's just so feel-good: it makes me think about my college days when nothing really mattered because I was ~not a girl, not yet a woman~. It's running through the streets in the middle of the night, bonfires on the beach, skating down the boardwalk... it's probably the best way to spend your summer.

11. "I Can't Believe We're In Love"

I'm sorry, but this is another song that I'm still struggling to like in the context of the album. I like it -- I think it's a very sweet track -- but so close to the end, it's easily forgettable.

12. "Forever Is A Long Way"

Kylie's vocals are beautiful in this track, but again, a bit unmemorable. I have this theory that -- like playing live -- the last song on an album should be the epic showstopper, the one that sticks with you. Because it's the last song you hear and the last impression you get of an album. And this is a good song, but it's just like... that's it?

CLICK HERE to buy the new album, and be sure to keep up with Kylie (not to be confused with Keeping Up With the Kardashians):

Website Facebook Instagram Soundcloud Twitter

[adaptationff]

+iii. art triangle.

"Hello this is the Singh's residence, you've reached our voicemail. We're not in right now, but if you'll leave a message we will get back to you shortly." Beep.

Azura pressed her freshly manicured finger on the red decline touch screen button on her phone, deciding upon not leaving a voicemail on her parents' house phone for the second time that day. It was becoming harder for her to keep up with all the lies and the things she wasn't telling them about her personal life, that each time she brought up the courage to tell them over the phone, she grew just as discouraged when they wouldn't answer.

Maybe it was a sign that it wasn't her time to tell them the full truth, however Zuri just hoped they wouldn't find out until she told them and didn't hear it from anyone else. 

Her hangover, the misstep she had with Nasir and the boundary they both crossed was gladly several weeks behind her. She couldn't deny the feelings of loneliness settling into heart every time Nasir and Reign had their scheduled day, but as along as it settled down confrontations between the three of them she would learn to accept it. Besides that she had way more important things to worry about than to allow her mind to drift off to ideas of what they could be doing behind close doors.

Whenever she had off days from work or after it, majority of her time was spent writing up various essays and studying for pop quizzes in her art history courses at UCLA. Courses she didn't actually need to take since her focus was on fashion, but it added to her interest in art in general.

Grabbing her keys and her favorite Betsey Johnson crossbody bag from her yellow slightly beaten down Volkswagen Beetle, Azura headed into the warehouse building Reign frequently held indoor photo shoots. Today was her scheduled day to spend half the time with Reign until later when the three of them would be together for Nasir's opening of his art gallery.

Azura took in the appearance of the first guy she seen as she stepped off of the makeshift elevator once it made it to the second floor and gave him a shyly smile. She could hear the sound of camera flashes and some Major Lazer song she couldn't identify the title of blaring behind the black curtains dividing the room.

"Um, hi? I'm here to see Reign."

The guy turned around at the sound of her voice and his eyes grew wide as if he knew her or something. It made her slightly uncomfortable, but then again it was a known feeling she always had whenever she was meeting someone new. "Oh you must be the sweet little dandelion that Reign's always talking about."

His voice went from a low octave to a high pitch in a millisecond as he pushed the curtains back. "Reign, your girl is here!"

"Zuri? Come on back here babe!"

Upon Reign's request, Azura nodded thankfully toward the guy she still didn't know his name as she went through the curtains being held opened for her and found Reign in the middle of the floor taking a few last shots of some girl posing in front of a white backdrop.

Right away she felt out of her element with the thousand of eyes planted right on her, watching her every move. Okay that was a bit of an exaggeration, but from the makeup artist to the clothing stylist and the model, she could feel the overwhelming heat of being sized up. Fiddling with the bracelet on her left wrist that held heart charms with the initials of R, N, A; Azura stood and waited for Reign to be finished with the same girl whom she hadn't noticed was beautifully tatted up until now.

Zoned into her own thoughts, it took Reign gentle brush on her butt to bring her back into the moment where she stood with the both of them. Everyone else around them were busy packing their things up, making Azura believe that she made it in time right when it was ending.

"I'm glad I finally getting you two to meet. This is Daze Jacobs, the upcoming singer I was telling you about, and Daze this is my girlfriend Azura—well Zuri," Reign, said gesturing between the both of them.

From the look on her face, Azura could tell the surprise the girl had when Reign introduced her as the girlfriend which if anything Zuri shared the same surprise as well. They've never talked about how any of them would introduce each other if need to be, but of course it was just like Reign to take the initiative and catch people off guard.

She still hadn't had time to figure out what was the right term to define her sexuality and didn't know how it made her feel if Reign was really going around claiming her. In all honesty, it was nice feeling wanted and killed all her doubts of Reign hating her for getting closer to Nasir... for now.

"It's about time I've met you girl. Reign's been telling me how dope of a stylist you are and I was hoping I could ask you to help me out when I come out here with a gig sometime soon."

"Sure! I need to start building my resume anyway."

"'Kay, cool. My people will hook up with your people and give you the info. Can't wait to see the final edit of these photos Reign, text you later!"

Azura waved goodbye as the remaining people left right after Daze. She waited until she could hear the sound of the old elevator creaked it's way down to the first floor before turning towards Reign. "My people?" She asked, giving her an incredulous look.

"Meaning me," Reign said. Looking up from messing around with the settings on her Nikon camera, she finally met eye contact with Azura and tilted her head. "Don't give me that look, it's industry lingo and if you wanna get in that industry better get with the program."

"She's pretty."

"You're beautiful."

"Yeah, but she has this whole sexy badass vibe going on."

"And you're mine. I don't care what she has going on Zuri. Relaaax."

Azura sighed and took off her crossbody bag to drop it near her feet. She had no real reason to feel this weird spurge of jealously when Daze nor Reign gave her a feeling that something was going on between them when she walked into the room, but still there she stood feeling insecure about everything.

Her mind was on an overload for sure and watching Reign setting her camera back up on a tripod didn't help the commotion in her thoughts from creating more questions.

Before she could open her mouth to ask if anyone else was coming, Reign beat her to it and waved her hand over for Azura to step on the backdrop. "Now... Mind being my muse? For my personal collection of course."

Azura looked around in attempt to see if there was anyone left behind from the makeup and styling crew before finally speaking, "But, your whole crew is gone."

"We don't need them. My idea for this quick shoot is for your whole mind, body, and soul to be naked in front of my lens."

"Reign, I—"

"No one's here. No one's going to see you. You trust me right?"

Azura nodded quickly, not knowing what Reign really had in mind. She couldn't imagine taking off her clothes right there in the open, regardless if anyone was or not around. Reign's persuasiveness and her smile however, had Zuri toying with the end of her shirt. "Yeah Rei, I do."

"Okay, so let me just... take this off of you. We'll start slow." Taking a step behind Azura, Reign helped herself to pulling Azura's shirt off from over her head; softly kissing her shoulder before moving back to her camera. Just with that one kiss, she could feel herself releasing the tension of her shoulders, allowing goosebumps creep up along her skin.

After that moment everything about their actions with each other was sensual, from the movements Reign made frequently over to Azura and back to the tripod, the constant camera flashes in between each clothing item that fell from Azura's body by the help of Reign; until she was fully naked with only her hands to cover up the areas she didn't want to be exposed.

For what Azura assumed to be the last shot, she decided to do something different and change positions to be layed out against the floor of the black backdrop. If someone didn't know any better, they would probably believe she knew what she was doing judging by how strategically she placed her legs and arm to make sure the treasured parts of her were covered all while making the final photos look tastefully done and not cheap.

After the last click of the camera, Reign went behind the tripod as Azura looked on from her place on the floor. She hoped she were able to get some good photos in the end whether they were personal collection or not. Getting naked and the photos not being up to par would surely kick her while she was already down in the insecurity department.

All she wanted was to be looked at by Reign again the same way she did during the whole shoot and that's exactly what she got when Reign came back over to kneel down beside her.

"You're so damn beautiful Zuri," Reign said, looking into her eyes as she pushed a strand of hair behind Azura's ear. "You know that right?"

Azura slightly nodded as she looked from Reign's perfectly glossed lips to her brown eyes, slowing moving in just as she did until finally their lips met. Reign's tongue parted her lips, inviting her to taste the peppermint flavor of her lip gloss. Her heart raced in her chest from how close Reign was now hovering over her body and could feel the warmth of her face heating up all at the same.

The kiss didn't last long before Reign moved on to leaving a trail of kisses down her neck and all the way down to her belly button. Her thoughts had gone dormant for the brief moment she was in complete ecstasy by Reign's control over her body. Azura's mind was in conflict in whether she should stop her from going any further than a kiss or to lay out and enjoy it.

Her lips on the other hand, decided to let out a gasp at the feeling of Reign's hand grazing the inside of her thigh. Her body jerked in response as she opened her eyes from when they were closed and instantly grabbed Reign's hand. "What about Nas—"

"What he doesn't know won't hurt him right? I'm thirsty... You gonna let me quench my thirst Z?" With that one question, Reign took control and grabbed Azura's hand to place it on top of her head as she dived in between Zuri's smooth caramel legs.

All Azura could feel or think about was Reign's tongue exploring every inch of her walls she didn't know could be discovered with absolutely no penetration of fingers. Literally sucking the life out of her, it drove Zuri to no end with only the comfort of roughly grabbing Reign's ponytail to hold her over.

"Ohmigod..."

///

Nearly an hour later (and exactly thirty minutes late), something she didn't realize at first thanks to Azura's best friend Laila shading her as soon as she came rushing into Zara's at The Grove. The glow from being ate out a little bit beforehand, kept her blissful as they both searched through the racks for something to wear that night.

She couldn't recall how they fell into the conversation in the first place, but by the snooty looks she was getting from other customers each time Laila got loud, dimmed her glow and brought her back down to reality.

"That relationship, love triangle, polygamy-- whatever the fuck y'all calling it weird as hell. Especially Reign know her ass is hella weird for suggesting that in the first place."

Looking away from an older lady she held eye contact with over a clearance rack after Laila's outburst of vulgar language, Azura lowered her voice and hissed. "Don't."

"Well, I'm just saying—" Azura interrupted her, "And I'm telling you don't. She's my close friend and she meant well by it. I can't allow you to disrespect her in my face."

Laila stopped in front of a tall wall length mirror holding a black strapless dress up to her body and gave Azura a look when she looked up from searching through a rack. "Oh okay. You fucking her too? Or are you just playing the well pampered side chick?"

Widening her eyes, Azura placed the dress she was holding back on it's hanger and crossed her arms. "I can't believe you just said that!"

Laila flipped her curly black bouncy curls over her shoulder and shrugged. "Whatever I don't like her. And I definitely don't like the idea of you participating in some shit like that."

"Go figure. You don't like any of my friends if they're not you." "Glad you know I'm possessive as hell Zuri. I just don't like when it appears that someone is trying to get over that's all. Next time she talk out the side of her neck, tell her imma cut ha."

"Stop it," Azura demanded. "If I'm going to invite you to Nasir's opening tonight I need you to play nice. No ratchet stuff going on when I have art curators coming to check out his gallery."

"Look at you doing wifey shit for a man that ain't yours. You gon' head boo, I see ya."

"He is mine. You sound like a fuckin' hater Laila."

"Listen you know I got mad love for you. At the end of the day I only want the best for you. Remember the cousin I told you about from my father's side? I can still hook you up with him."

"Of course. I'll let you know when I want to hook up with a man with multiple baby mamas, no career goals, and living in his grandma's basement," Azura retorted, rolling her eyes. This wasn't the first time Laila had and attempted to set up her with no good dudes since the moment she became single after her first boyfriend. It was embarrassing to think Laila thought she couldn't do no better or was that desperate to be able to say she had a man.

"Now who sound like a hater? He got potential..."

"Potential my butt. Bums are not my type or worth my time."

"Nah, your type is someone already with a girlfriend. If you wanna keep playing second fiddle to a bitch be my guess. Whenever they're done experimenting and leave you out to dry on your own, all I'm gonna say is 'I told you so.'" With that Laila turned on her heel to take the only unoccupied dressing room to try on the few dresses she picked up.

Azura sat down in one of the plush arm chairs near the dressing room area defeated. She couldn't find anything she wanted to buy to dress up for the night and already decided in her head she would look deep inside her closet for something she had instead.

A part of her deep down knew Laila was right. She couldn't shake the feeling she still felt the night of her birthday where it was so easy for them to walk away from her as if she was a prop. Maybe she was just an experiment for them to explore how an open relationship would be, but Zuri still wanted to prove all the naysayers wrong no matter how the situation appeared to anyone.

Successfully beating LA's afternoon traffic, Reign hurried into Nasir's art gallery after a hard time trying to find a suitable parking spot around the area. She was later than the time she told him she would make it there, but she had the perfect excuse for the tardiness. Not only was the traffic to blame, she'd stop at their favorite bakery shop to pick up the sweets he liked to butter him up.

With a mini bakery bag of fudgy brownies and other sweet goodies in her hand, she waved hello at the construction guys who were all standing around checking the walls and ceilings before she hopped up on the granite counters where the cash register resided.

The thought of what happened with Azura replayed in her mind like a broken tape recorder that wouldn't go no further than the playback sounds of her moaning and coming into her mouth. She didn't expect to feel all these emotions after the fact or during it, but knew she wanted to talk about it with Azura soon to see if she felt the same way. It was all confusing to her and she appreciated the distraction she would have at the opening to clear her mind.

She opened up the bag to grab a coconut bar cookie when her phone vibrated in her lap. It was a message from her friend Valerie which she decided she had time to respond before Nasir came back to put her to work. Placing the bag on the counter beside her, she dusted off her fingers from cookie crumbs and unlocked her phone to read her messages.

Bihh I can't believe the shit u just left on my voicemail. U did what with that lil girl and WHEN?

In a matter of seconds, Reign's fingers flew across the touch screen keyboard and double texted her to explain as much as she could in a message. Now that she thought about it, she regretted calling Valerie when she was the most judgemental when it came to Zuri. She always thought she had ulterior motives, which Reign fought hard to prove to her best friend that Azura was just naive in some ways and meant well.

It didn't help Valerie's opinions of her when Reign continued to bring Azura into her relationship with Nasir, however eventually Val got rid of her mean girl sorority ways and gave Azura somewhat of a chance to redeem herself.

Not much of a chance when she made it her business to throw any amount of shade she can, but Reign learned to let it roll over since technically it wasn't any of her business how her friends seen Azura or their opinion of her. She can't fight all of her battles, can she?

Listen to the voice mail again. It happened so fast...

The next thing I know she was grabbing the fuck out of my ponytail and I was trapped asf

A minute later her phone vibrated again twice with one missed call being from her sister Reyna and the other one showing Valerie had texted her back. Reign had too much going on at the moment to even want to deal with having a conversation with her sister and opted for looking at her text messages instead.

you gotta explain this to me tonight

Reign bit her lip as her finger hovered over the power button of her phone. People in her life seemed to always wanted a play-by-play whenever it seemed she was doing something out of her "character." In her eyes it was nothing to explain. What happened, happened and it wasn't like she could change it now anyway. And if she even wanted to change it was the question.

She liked it and would be opened to doing again if she knew could get away with it without Nasir finding out. It all depended on if Azura liked it as much as she did, then maybe figuring out playtime hours won't be so hard.

As soon as she typed up a message to respond back to Valerie, she caught Nasir walking in with bags from a home improvement store in his hands at that exact moment. He was occupied with the door while she quickly reread what she wrote for no typos and pressed 'send'.

No Nasir's definitely gonna be around being nosy and shit. We'll do lunch tomorrow.

She slyly slid her phone in the front pocket of her black sweats and hopped back down off the counter before he could see she was sitting on his brand new countertops; and quietly watched him as he placed his bags near the counters.

She waved her hands in his face to get his attention since he wanted to play games as if he didn't seen her standing there with her camo olive green military-styled jacket on. "Oh hello, nice for you to join us. Everyone's here before the boss man, huh?"

"I had errands to run and you're late anyway. I been opened these doors up for 'em," Nasir said. He gave her a look and to avoid any eye contact with him, she looked away down at her shoes for a brief moment. He had that deep kind of gaze Reign hated with a passion where he could find out your whole life and lies that could've been said.

Her only option to make sure he didn't figure out what she did with Azura was to avoid his eyes the whole day until he moved on to figuring something else out. But of course with her avoiding him from when he walked in, she could see his eyes narrowing a bit and silently watching her. Damn it.

"Hmm," she paused and pushed over the bakery bag to his end of the counters. "Well, I brought you some of your favorite kind of cookies. It's an assortment just how you like it in honor of your opening tonight."

"You and Z enjoyed y'all day together?" It was like he ignored everything she said and went straight in with the interrogating. He wanted to see her sweat, fumble with her words so he could catch her in a lie and someday throw it back in her face.

She knew him and he knew her. There was hardly nothing they could slide past each other and could play tit for tat for hours if they had all day. However, Reign was not in the mood and she was determined to have his mind all screwed up to the point he would stop asking questions that didn't need answers.

Reign smiled, "Mhm, she was able to see me in my element doing my job. The creative process and all the other good shit."

For a moment it felt like her answer satisfied him by the way he began pulling out measuring tapes from the bags he brought and it almost released a sigh of a relief out of her mouth. It was unfortunately short lived when he broke out a straight-forward question. "Y'all fucked?"

"Nah, I had a model there and a whole crew. Why would you ask something like that?" Reign frowned, noticing the construction guys were no longer doing their jobs and were trying to hide the fact they were eavesdropping.

One guy even had the nerve to be smiling like a Cheshire Cat and whispering to another one. It took a lot of self control in her not to call him out for being an eavesdropping pervert and instead turned her focus back to Nasir.

He shrugged. "Just asking. You know cause that's against "the rules" and I wanna make sure I'm not the only one abiding to that shit, that's all."

"Sucking on her kitty is not sex. That's not considered penetrating her with anything." She made sure to lower her voice this time, hoping Nasir would do the same thing and catch on to the fact they now had an audience following their whole conversation. Of course being who he is, he ignored the hint and continued to speak like they were in the room alone. She was starting to believe he knew and was only continuing to do it on purpose because he knew it was bothering her.

"Rei. Penetrating wit ya tongue is the same damn thing."

"Whatever. I still didn't do shit with her," she said, nonchalantly. Her first mistake was making it sound like she was justifying her actions. Little did he know that's exactly what she was doing and now she had to do some backtracking. She could see the slightest bit of a smirk on his face when he walked closer over to her.

"Let me smell ya breath."

Nudging his shoulder with her hand, she leaned back away from him. "What? Nigga if you don't get outta my face with that foolishness."

He chuckled and backed away after she nudged him. No matter how much of an ass he could be the sight of him in his grey sweats and white basic t-shirt was doing something to her. "Aight, I'll remember that the next time you try to smell my dick."

She shook her head at him for having no filter and crossed her arms. "I've never done that, why you tryna expose and wild out with these people in here Anthony?"

Turning his back on her, he went back to taking the stuff he bought out onto the counters. "Okay Tabatha."

"Shut up! Help me, help you okay?"

His third degree seemed to end once they started to work on putting the artwork on displays and on the walls, something she gladly welcomed. The main thing she had to worry about was whether something was going to slip out when all three of them were in the same room.

Only time would tell.

[winstonhcomedy]

How’d Winston Do This Weekend? 11/2-11/3

What a wild and wacky weekend of wonderful comedy!!! We had a twofer on Friday in Petersburg, and then a bit of a road trip for a shit show at Smith Mt. Lake on Saturday!!!

I love a twofer. Two sets in one night. It’s especially rare when the show isn’t in a huge city. The fact that Petersburg had two shows on Friday is kind of ridiculous, but I am definitely not complaining.

The first was the Off The Rip Improv Showcase at Plaza Mexico Bar and Grill run/hosted by my buddy Mu Cuzzo. I think it was Mu’s first time running a show like this which is pretty neat. I hit him up before the show and asked for a spot. He put me on and let me go first so I could make my second show.

I get there early and get to hang with Mu, his dope girlfriend Paula, and Bryan Williams. I knew Paula before I knew Mu. She used to come out and support a bunch of comedy shows. She’s a pretty dope artist as well. She is a poet, a writer, she makes jewelry, and there’s probably a lot more I’m missing as well. She’s a good influence on Mu, and supportive af. I always enjoy talking to her!

Mu is in a super good mood, because his mom is coming to watch him perform for the first time. This is a super dope moment to watch. When his mother gets there Mu hands her a bouquet of flowers (it’s her birthday) and gives her a huge hug. Shit like this gets me teary eyed. Small stuff like that really touches me in a crazy kind of way.

Mu’s mother is a pretty strong, and awesome woman. Mu told me she’s on city council and when city council tried to knock down city worker’s pay by 10% she told them to take all of her pay. This is a bad ass move. It show’s she gives af about the community, which is rare as hell nowadays.

Had to talk to Bryan about staying in his lane. Bryan is a good dude who means well, but he sometimes gets involved in some stuff on fb he really shouldn’t. I think arguing about stuff on FB is super annoying and pointless (even though I’ve done it.) I just advised him it’d be best to mind his own business and keep his head down and just write/tell jokes. He’s so new he doesn’t need the reputation of a White Knight or argumentative dude on FB. It was about some personal stuff going on in the comedy scene rn so I don’t want to go into it, but it was a good talk.

The room itself is pretty big and spacious. There is a weird divider in the middle of the room. The DJ is set up on one side, and the comics perform on the other. There is a pretty good crowd there, but because the room is so big it doesn’t feel super intimate. Also there's a table of about 11 people behind us that you have to turn around to see. It’s an odd setup, but it works.

Mu went up first and did a good job getting the room ready for comedy. Since the microphone was wireless and he knew a lot of the audience he walked out into them a little bit and did his thing. He got his mom involved a bit, and warmed up the room nicely.

I go up first and have a pretty solid set. I only did crowd work. It did not have the vibe of a crowd that would be into my material. I only did about 5 minutes since I was a guest, but I got his mom involved and his cousin. I had some pretty good lines, and got some big laughs. 

All in all I’m glad I went to the show. I’d give my set a B-. After the set I hopped in my car and drove straight to Wabi Sabi.

Wabi Sabi is one of my favorite comedy rooms. It is usually hosted/run by Jason Klingman. Tonight Kenny Wingle was hosting since Jason was at the Brian Wilson concert in Richmond. 

This is a room set up for comedy. It is in a basement, has low ceilings, tight seating, brick wall backdrop, separated from rest of the restaurant, and usually has a good crowd. This is not an easy room by any means, but they do reward funny. You have to be willing to work for your laughs. They like jokes and crowd work. 

I’ve had some of the best sets of my life at Wabi and I honestly think it’s a room that has made me into the comic I am now. I’m not afraid of any room, and it really helped me build my confidence while doing material or crowd work. 

When I got to the show Alex Castagne was on stage and he had a hot one. The room was full, and he was slaughtering. Alex is a funny dude, and a good friend. A real fine jew of a boy.

 He gets off and Joshua Horsford goes up. Joshua has been in and out of the comedy scene for a long time. He started well before me, but he also writes/acts so there are times where he is absent from the scene for months. He had a pretty good set and Kenny went back up and did some crowd work in-between him and the next comic.

Next up is Patrick Nowaczyk one of the members of Rich Girls comedy. A comedy troupe that isn’t really doing anything anymore but was full of some of my favorite comics when I started. Pat started out super strong. He was really killing up top, but then he got into some of his longer jokes and they either didn't get them or just didn’t have the attention span for them (which sucks because he did two of my favorite bits he does). 

He gets off stage and since it is late about two tables get up to leave. Which is always disconcerting as a comic who is going last on a show. 

Bryan showed up to hang out after his set at Mu’s show. When he got there he asked for a guest spot. Kenny came up and asked if it was ok if he went in front of me.  I didn’t give a shit. Bryan’s five minutes aren’t going to affect me. 

Bryan goes up and really does not have a good set. He caught them when he got on stage, but after that he really let their lack of laughs get to him and he got more and more timid. He just had no confidence and they just weren’t his crowd. After his set about half of the remaining tables leave. 

Kenny goes back up and does a little more crowd work to get the crowd back and excited again. Luckily the tables that were left were great audience members. 

I go up and just go right into crowd work. They are vibing with me and my energy right away. I do about 25 minutes and I can honestly say I did one joke in the middle (and it worked).

The audience members left were amazing. I had one of the best sets I’ve had in a while. I was jumping back and forth between two large tables of guests, calling back to crowd work, and really getting weird and intimate.

Talked about sex with a mom/dad in front of her daughter who was celebrating her birthday. Talked to another lady about how much she loved to be choked. I had a lot of lines I can’t even remember, but it was a super fun and hot set.

I’d give it an A- and maybe even bump it up to an A. 

It was so much fun, and really glad I was booked on this show. After the show I hung with the guys a bit, and then Klingman showed up. We talked about the Brian Wilson show, and I asked to be on next month’s Wabi show (it is the 9th year anniversary and I didn’t want to miss it.) Afterwards I headed home.

Saturday was a fun day. I got to wake up late, and hang out with my niece which is one of my favorite things to do. I also knew I had a good hang on the horizon because I was driving to Lynchburg to meet up with my dude Jake Snyder and ride with him and Paige Campbell to the comedy competition at Heath’s Waterfront Grill at Smith Mtn. Lake. 

Once I get to Jake’s we got and grab a bit to eat at Wendy’s next to his house. Someone asks him how tall he is (6′7) and they then reply with, “that ain’t too bad”. I don’t even begin to know wtf that even means. 

Paige gets to his apartment and then we hit the road. We are jamming to older metal on the radio, and it legit feels like we are comics in the 80s. Three dudes crammed into a car, driving into the middle of nowhere for some dogshit show and a chance at $250. 

We have done this show before, and it actually wasn’t bad. I had a super hot set and won some money. They had us on a real stage, and it was pretty packed out. Definitely more fun that it had any right to be.

This time we show up. The sound system is shit, there is no stage (they have moved us to the corner), very little audience, and the energy is weak af in the room. We all know it is going to suck.

The good thing is there are definitely some folks I love to hang with here. Johnny Camacho (Roanoke comic), Kristinia Montouri (Roanoke comic), Colby Knight (lynchburg/charlottesville guy), Zach Webb (lynchburg comic), and a few others idk at all. 

The host Phil Hogan goes first and he just gobbles dick for like 15 minutes. Like it is brutal. Barely any laughs at all, and really isn’t vibing with the crowd. After him he brings up a comic Ron Hebert who also bombs. The next comic is Melissa Douty. I have never seen her before, but her reputation precedes her. She is a local headliner/touring comic. Super likeable and a good joke writer. She has what I consider the best set of the night. 

I go up next and in my opinion bomb. I got some good pops, and about 3/4 of my jokes work. I try to engage the crowd, but they aren’t having it at all. I also keep stepping out of the light because it is poorly placed and bright af (I get points deducted because of this). 

The best part was in the middle of a setup to one of my jokes that needs people to pay attention a man who has to be 80 rolls in on his mechanical wheelchair. He is making what I can only describe as a comical amount of noise. He is knocking his wheelchair into tables, and the hostess is talking so loud asking him where he is going to sit. The whole time I am just on stage delivering a joke people don’t want to hear just trying my best not to yell at this old dude. HE WHEELS ALL THE WAY TO THE FRONT!!! On the inside I am dying laughing. It felt like it was out of a tv show.

I’d give my set a C-. I just didn’t have it that night.

Melissa Douty comes over and we both compliment each others sets. I definitely respect her as a comic. Super funny lady check her out. 

Everybody else goes up and honestly it feels like everybody is bombing. Paige and Jake didn’t do great but also the crowd was shit. Johnny Camacho goes up and does a German Psychic character (that I enjoy) and gets a few good laughs. Lastly a 16 year old kid goes up with a notebook and he does ok. Not bad for a first set ever, and he had a few good ideas.

They are adding up the scores at the end of the show while the host goes back up and plays guitar for an obscene amount of time. We are hanging out in the back and 16 year old is one cocky dude. You can tell he thinks he is a comedic genius. He is trying to bust balls, and be goofy. He asks me if my legs are ok because my jeans are too tight (brilliant roast). A little later he says he’s a bit sleepy because he did a bunch of heroin, so I responded with, “yea and after your set I just wish you had Od’d.” He heard me, but he didn’t respond. He also quit busting balls after that. He did have some funny shit so I hope he continues to go out and work on new stuff. His parents were there, so it was cool to see them support his dream.

They announced Johnny Camacho as the winner. Which blew me away. Not because he isn’t funny, but just because Mellissa Douty got more laughs than all of the other comics combined. I’m happy for Johnny because at least a hack didn’t win, but I felt bad for Melissa because for that room she kind of freaking crushed.

We head back and stop at Sheetz to grab some food. We park back at Jake’s place and start doing our favorite street jokes. Then we all go our separate ways. I head home and start playing tf out of Red Dead Redemption 2! Which is how I spent the rest of my weekend.

WHAT AN AMAZING TIME BAYBEES AND LAYDEES!!! I love you a lot and will catch up with you soon. Keep on trucking everybody! xoxoxo LOVE YOU!!!

[ouraidengray4]

16 Dating Strategies to Be Your Best Self (and Avoid Being a Dick)

The most classic, useless dating advice of all time—which you've undoubtedly heard countless times from your mom, magazines, and self-help books—is to just "be yourself." The idea here is that if you're just super authentically you, everything will go right! You'll find a boyfriend, girlfriend, make-out buddy, lifetime partner… whatever it is you're looking for.

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But this advice doesn't effing work. When you go on a first date, it's easy to come across as nervous or brash. If you do nothing more than "be yourself," odds are good that you'll end up seeming aloof, awkward, or a bit of a dick. Instead, why not choose to be the best version of you? We all fudge things a little bit on the first date or out at the bar. (I've definitely tried to put on fake eyelashes pre-date, only to glue them to my cheek instead). Sometimes we try to present a more polished, outgoing version of ourselves, or act less serious and more low-maintenance than usual. Is that manipulative? Kinda. But you know what? That's OK.

So how can we be better than ourselves on a date? What are some strategies that can actually put the odds in our favor? With the help of Jess O'Reilly, Ph.D., of the sex and relationship blog Sex with Dr. Jess and Venus Nicolino, PsyD, (a.k.a. Dr. V of WeTV's Marriage Bootcamp), we've rounded up the best realistic, super-useful techniques and strategies that will help you out far more than "be yourself"—no offense to all the well-meaning moms out there.

1. Set your intention before the date.

Rather than considering what you want from the other person, go into the date thinking about what you want for yourself, Dr. V says. "Do you want to get to know someone new? Do you want to have an enjoyable evening out? Is this really just an excuse to try that new sushi place?" she asks. "Setting an intention grounds you, and it gives you something to fall back on if you start feeling anxious in the moment. Just remember to breathe. What really matters here isn't even the intention or the breathing, it's that you remembered to do it. You decided to stay present with yourself."

2. Are you a fan of masturbation? Awesome!

If you're not someone who falls asleep right after an orgasm, Dr. Jess advises you to mastubate before you go out the door. "Self-pleasure and self-esteem are positively correlated, so reach down there and give yourself a hand (or two)," she says. "When your body performs for you, whether through daily tasks, physical fitness, or sexual pleasure, you tend to feel better about its appearance and function."

3. If you're someone who has lots (and lots) of confidence, consider throwing in some self-deprecating humor.

Maybe you're already a confident person—like your close friends might lovingly refer to you as "a little extra." How can you tone it down to an attractive and harmonious balance of being confident without appearing overly arrogant? I've found that offering a bit of self-deprecating humor helps. As my roommate says, "Make fun of yourself before someone else can." A little joke can help break the ice and make you not look like a total douche. But be careful not to try out your amateur stand-up act on a date, Dr. V advises.

"Self-deprecating humor is OK in small—and I mean small—doses. As in one or two jokes," she says. "It's easy to go from seeming easy to connect with to being easy to pity, and pity is not the vibe you want to infuse in a date."

4. If you're on the opposite end of the spectrum and struggle with building confidence, write down compliments you receive (and give yourself five while you're at it).

"Most of us brush off compliments without a second thought, and in doing so, we overlook valuable opportunities to boost confidence and expand our sense of self," Dr. Jess says. "The next time someone pays you a compliment, take a moment to absorb it and scribble it down. By writing down what others say they like about you, you're training yourself to value and remember these positive thoughts. When you write things down, you trigger cells in the brain called the reticular activating system (RAS), which experts say help to filter important information."

Something that I've recommended my friends do before dates (and I've been on a lot—over 300, to be precise) is a tactic I've used before: I look in the mirror and say five things out loud that I like about myself. Focusing on my positive attributes rather than worrying about my insecurities or perceived imperfections makes me feel instantly better.

Confidence is attractive, so find a way that works for you to shelve your insecurities for the evening, because if you tell a person enough times that you're "not pretty enough" or "not smart enough," they're going to perceive you that way. Dr. Jess offers a confidence-boosting tactic that might work better for you: "Recall a time when you felt powerful. Perhaps it was in a boardroom, in the classroom, or on the dance floor. Visualize that moment to boost your confidence before a big date, presentation, or meeting."

5. And if you get genuinely, brain-meltingly anxious about dates, remember to use your rational brain first.

It can be helpful to identify the source of your nervousness and look at it from a more distanced perspective. "If your nervousness is intense and connected to a detrimental cognitive distortion—as in, you're plagued with thoughts like, My date is going to hate me. Every date I go on is a disaster—then it's time to use rational thought to assess this 'hot thought,'" says Dr. Jess. "Think about dates that weren't disasters. Make a mental inventory of the positive experiences and interactions you've had on previous dates so that you can formulate a more realistic thought. This can lead to thoughts like, It could go well, so I'm going to keep an open mind and just enjoy the experience."

6. Present the best version of yourself physically (as well as emotionally).

Yes, you should pick out a goddamn clean shirt instead of something you found crumpled on the floor—even if the crumpled version is more "authentically you." In person, there's no Facetune to makes you look 10x hotter than you actually are, so yeah, it's worthwhile to tidy it up and pick out something nice to wear.

"You don't want to mislead a date, but you certainly do want to showcase the best version of yourself," Dr. Jess says. While you shouldn't go and buy a whole new outfit based on what you think your date might like (that's getting creepy), it's OK to consider their style. If you know their Instagram, it's not a bad idea to check it out ahead of time—this is just a form of knowing your audience. You can see what your date is into, what they like, and what style they might go for. You shouldn't completely change yourself to be attractive for the other person, but if you notice that they tend to always wear black jeans and you happen to own a pair, there's nothing wrong with opting for a pair of your black jeans instead of blue.

7. Keep it positive—and yes, keep it light.

Dating is meant to be a fun way to get to know another person. You may have some skeletons in the closet or a personality disorder, but your first encounter isn't the appropriate time to talk about your dope-addicted brother or your buckets full of daddy issues. Too much information can be perceived as high maintenance and off-putting—if you're going to work out, there will be time to create trust and open up on a deeper level without fear of being judged or brushed off, but your first happy hour convo ain't the time or place to get deep. People can be very snooty about small talk—"Oh, it's so fake, I prefer genuine interaction." Sure. But if you master small talk, you can subtly assess if you're interested in someone—without spilling your guts everywhere.

8. Ask a bunch of questions.

If you meet someone you really like who's outdoorsy, sure, you could pretend that you're really into spending time in the wilderness—even if the closest you've ever gotten to nature is drinking cocktails on the beach. And the truth is, this isn't always the worst tactic: If you're open to trying what they're into, you may open yourself up to experiences you'll enjoy. This could be the start of you discovering that hey, you actually like kayaking, or whatever.

But there's an easier path: Just ask your date tons of questions about their interests. People love to talk about themselves, and this way, you don't have to pretend you know about something you don't, which can be stressful, frankly.

"If someone you're super into is into something you don't give a f*ck about, you can still ask them about it," Dr. V says. "Why do they like it? What do they get from it? How does it make them feel? Instead of trying to bullsh*t your way through talking about something you know nothing about, you've just created an opportunity to really get to know this person better and connect with them. Which is never wrong. And who knows, maybe you never knew just how fascinating 18th century Welsh cheesemaking really is."

9. Focus on what you like.

Look, maybe she chews with her mouth open or he's an incessant foot-tapper who openly admits to listening to Nickelback on repeat. If you're getting instant there's-no-chemistry-here vibes (or worse, red flags), then don't go on a second date—or cut your first one short. But if the person just has an annoying habit or three, try to keep an open mind: There could be a really awesome person in there, one whose good qualities might overshadow any annoying behaviors. So ignore the urge to be judgy or bitchy—even if you've had three mimosas already at brunch.

10. Do your dating homework.

One-liners are so retro, and only in the bad way. If you've ever been on the receiving end of a pick-up line, you know that you just end up feeling creeped out. Avoid the creepiness factor by asking fun questions instead. Personally, I like to use ice breakers or games to get to know a date. My favorite tried-and-true question is, "Which type of tree would you be and why?" Big takeaway: People usually pick a tree and list desirable qualities and characteristics that they believe they possess and are proud of. Small takeaway: You know what kind of tree you should gift them on their next birthday (and planting a tree is just a nice thing to do).

You can navigate awkward silences by mentioning your favorite "dad joke" and asking theirs, or even asking them what their favorite snack is to eat whilst binge watching Dawson's Creek on Netflix (Coconut Oreo thins, hands down). If you're anxious about a date, it's a good idea to come up with a bunch of good questions ahead of time to give yourself opportunities for discussion if your conversation dies down naturally.

11. Ditch the "wait three days to text" game and let yourself be vulnerable.

"Do you like it when people play games with you? Look, if you want to put less pressure on yourself and your date, forget all the stupid f*cking games," Dr. V says. "One of the Big Lies of dating is that 'The One Who Cares Less Is The One Who Wins,' when in reality, the less you care about a relationship, the less you get from it. Think about it: Has pretending to care less than you really do ever gotten you more? Would you pull that sh*t at work or school? Of course not. So don't be afraid to text first."

Dr. V explains that if you try to act differently than the way you really feel, you're either going to come off as crazy, as a jerk, or as a crazy jerk. "The appropriate amount of interest to show is no more and no less than the amount of interest you feel. The least cool thing you can do is to try and 'play it cool.' It's OK for the person you've just gone on a date with to know you like them—being upfront about that is its own kind of sexy confidence. Besides, the sooner they know you like them, the sooner you'll have an answer to that eternal question of dating, 'Should I stay or should I go?' So don't wait to text back. Real vulnerability takes courage, and courage is pretty damn sexy."

12. Be persistent (but don't cross into being pushy).

If you just had an amazing time with someone and don't want it to end, tell the person how much you enjoyed the date and offer up a nightcap or second date. If the other person politely declines, leave it there for the night—if you try too aggressively to get someone home with you or to go out with you again, it's a massive turn-off, and you'll blow any future potential. Instead, just thank them for the evening. Seeing your graceful reaction might even turn things around after the other person has a few days to think.

Kari Langslet is an avid dater, impulsive adventurer, unofficial therapist to friends and family, and animal lover. You'll usually find her at a dive bar playing Jenga with her dog or headbanging into oblivionat a Brooklyn show. Stalk her on Instagram and Twitter @karilangslet.

from Greatist RSS http://ift.tt/2srfl49 16 Dating Strategies to Be Your Best Self (and Avoid Being a Dick) Greatist RSS from HEALTH BUZZ http://ift.tt/2CiBHEz

[mansaeentertainment-blog]

Underground/Indie Artist of the Week: MARV (includes interview!!)

Hey guys, I took a tiny break last week but I’m back and ready to talk about someone new! MARV is a rapper I found through Ness. Ness was featured on MARV’s recent self titled mixtape. At first I was only listening to the song with Ness on it like, constantly. (I’m very biased to Ness after Show Me the Money). But all of a sudden while I was driving, I happened to listen to the rest of the mixtape during a 45 minute drive across the DFW area and I have never been more surprised. This guy actually sounds super legit and I couldn’t stop listening at first. My favorite song off the mixtape is surprisingly not ‘Fxck You Pay Me’ (the song that features Ness) but it’s ‘Don’t Go Home’ featuring Sue and SHEEZY STΔSH (also a new dope rapper I just found!) 

If you google MARV you probably won’t find anything but maybe his SoundCloud. That’s why I’m here, though! I sent him a message and he was so nice and down for an interview. 

Who is Marv? What makes you different from other artists?

Marv is my nickname stands for Mula, Applaud, Respect, and Vacay the words that I want to get in K-hiphop scene. And if you listen to my tape, you can realize it is my signature sound in the beginning of every song. I think I’m very good at making hook melody.

Do you go to school or have a day job?

I study at Chung-Ang Univ. in Seoul majoring in Computer Science

Where are you from?

I’m from Song Pa, Seoul Korea.

Are you signed to a label or a part of a crew?

I don’t have a label and have a crew called ‘FAME US’

You just released your first mixtape, how does it feel and what kind of feedback would you like to receive?

Very cozy and busy right now. After I released it, I was so nervous about some feedbacks so I would take some rest. But many people around me and their friends told me that the mixtape was so good, and some artists contacted me since I released it. I want to get good vibes only so I don’t care about feedbacks from people because sometimes their words stabbed me. And I think feedback can disrupt artist’s own creation so I don’t care about any feedbacks.

Are you going to be on the stage anytime soon?

Yeah I have a concert at 8PM on 25 Nov at ‘The House Of Redrock’ in Hongdae with many good artists such as ness, sheezy stash, the redhouse, and very special guests. I’ll perform my new songs in my mixtape [MARV].  

Who is your favorite artist? Do you have a favorite Korean artist?

I’m a huge fan of Migos, Travis Scott, Ty Dolla $ign, and Post Malone and Post Malone is the best. No one in Korea except people around me :).

Which artist(s) would you like to collaborate with the most?

SIK-K

When/why did you start rapping?

20. I always listened rap music since 15 years old. When I was 19, I saw a Youtube video that rapper ‘Takeone’ performs with thousands of crowds. I thought that is so lit and started music.

Who/what is your inspiration?

All about my ex-girlfriends.

What are your goals for the future? What can we expect from you?

Giving a present (like apts, sports cars, etc. ) to my parents is my own goal. And you can expect my new collab-songs on soundcloud or single and album in 2018.

Lastly say something for people who keep up with your music and Mansae Entertainment viewers:

Thank U for interviewing me. I’ll show you more fascinating songs soon. You can search “realmarvinlage” on soundcloud or instagram, then you can easily find my new mixtape and songs. Thank You Mansae Entertainment viewers!!

MARV’s Social Media

Instagram: @realmarvinlage

SoundCloud: https://soundcloud.com/realmarvinlage

~ Sailor Mars/queenkeo

[theworstbob]

the thing journal, 5.14.2017-5.27.2017

the pop culture things i took in over the last week, and also the week before that this week because last week i couldn’t make a post. last week: american ultra, take this waltz, freddie gibbs, direct hit!, the wild reeds, jackie kashian, rory scovel, sam outlaw. this week: mary j. blige, diet cig, smino, shalewa sharpe, bad suns, room, groundhog day (the musical), brooklyn nine-nine s3, in transit, interstellar

1) American Ultra, dir. Nima Nourizadeh: This film wanted to be like five things all at once. It wanted to be a stoner comedy, it wanted to be a send-up of action thrillers, it wanted to be just a straight-up action thriller, it wanted to be an epic romance, it wanted to be an indictment of the surveillance state. I don't think it was any of those things. It was a largely enjoyable hodgepodge of ideas. There were moments it took seriously that could have been served with some comedy, there were moments it seemed like it was making fun of the stupid idiot characters when it needed to be there with them, like, I'm not gonna call it a failure because I never felt like it was wasting my time or like it was aggressively awful, but I couldn't get a handle on what I was supposed to be getting out of this film. It tried to be so many things and ended up feeling like nothing. If it had stuck with one idea -- if it were JUST a movie about this stoner idiot who suddenly sees everyday objects as instruments of death, and it was just about him and his idiot girlfriend running from the CIA and there wasn't this whole other plotline involving drama at the CIA, if it could have just been THAT, they might've had something, but they had this, which was fine, but it wasn't something.

2) Take This Waltz, dir. Sarah Polley: I discussed this on the Fall Out Boy blog, but that scene on the ride at the theme park is such a cool scene. I can see how an older Bob or a younger Bob might think this movie's kinda bullshit, it is very much a Pretty White People with Problems movie, but it's also a movie about being in your late 20s and only just realizing, oh shit, I HAVE to be an adult now, the things I do today might be the things I do forever, I need to figure out what I really want while it's still permissible for me to figure things out, and it really speaks to me. Sarah Polley's a rather dope director! Let's see if sh -- oh okay cool one more movie, wellllllllllp.

3) You Only Live 2wice, by Freddie Gibbs: Y'know what if this gets billed as an album, I'm gonna treat it like an album, length be damned. Eight songs is enough to be considered a thing IT WORKED FOR KENDRICK AND CARLY RAE DAMNIT. The opening track has maybe my favorite lyric ever: "No sleep, bags under my eyes are designer." I am going to remember that lyric for the rest of my life. It seems like a fine enough intro to Freddie Gibbs, who is a thing I am given to understand I would enjoy, and I'm excited to get into his meatier offerings.

4) Wasted Mind, by Direct Hit!: ...So remember how my computer got partially zapped last week and I lost Internet access and thus the motivation to do Internet-related things such as write my assigned blogs? Yeah so I completely forgot about this. I vaguely recall it being fine. I sort of recall it dealing with alcoholism, or lyrics relating to alcoholism, and wanting to structure this capsule around how this songwriter is recounting his pain and struggle through the thing he is best at doing, and my reaction to it is "You get a B!" but, like, I listened to this on a bus ride home ten days ago, and I wasn't too into it as I was listening to it. Only so much room, ya know? If I remembered every (pop/)punk album I ever listened to, I wouldn't remember all the tennis fun facts. And those are much more valuable. Tennis fun facts could conceivably be answers to bar trivia questions. No one was asking for this capsule.

5) The World We Built, by The Wild Reeds: The harmonies on this album are fucking nuts. This is an album I've listened to three times in the last couple weeks, and I liked it more with each listen, found new things to dig with each spin, some music thing I'm not smart enough to relay, some lyrical twist I was too preoccupied to notice. I'm sitting down with all these capsules on a Saturday night, trying to hammer a bunch of these out so I can get this sweet hot content to y'all as promised, but I kinda wanna shove this deep inside my wormholes again Sunday morning just so I have it fresh in my mind what makes this album so awesome. If you're reading these words, then of course I said "nah" and wrote my Saturday night post, which is "dope af country girl group plays songs that are hella good," and while I think the statement itself has merit, it could use a few more points of support.

6) I'm Not the Hero of This Story, by Jackie Kashian: Definitely my favorite unit of comedy released in 2017 so far. Like, the beginning, "I'm not a political comedian, but uh, I guess I have to be now?" is among the best opening bits I've ever heard. And the political comedy doesn’t feel forced, feels of a whole with the material prepared before we all went to hell. Like, the joke about being told by a minority friend trying to assuage her post-election fears, “Jesus, have you never been disappointed before?” is as much about her Midwestern emotional unavailability as the jokes about visiting her father in the hospital. (I might be over-analyzing this. Everything is either over-analyzed or under-analyzed here. ONE DAY I’LL ACHIEVE BALANCE.) It’s a strong album.

7) Dilation, by Rory Scovel: I think this was fine! As far as something I listened to because I recognized the name from Competitive Erotic Fan-Fiction goes, it was greatly enjoyable. I'm not sure how much value can be derived from a deep critical look at a six-year-old album by a dude who may or may not still be active, but if you need 40 minutes of comedy, and you've exhausted all the known brands and don't wanna revisit something you've already heard, this will provide adequate amusement.

8) Tenderheart, by Sam Outlaw: Definitely more Tender than Outlaw. I sort of shied away from Sam Outlaw for a little while because he has a stupid fucking name, but I always knew him as a dude I'd like if I gave him a chance, so I gave him a chance. My instinct was right. It's not a bad album? It's just, I dunno, soft. And that's OK. I can see it was intended to be soft, and it is not its fault I prefer to be hit with a sledgehammer than with a pillow. It did its thing, and it's a mostly good thing, and it's a thing better than 99% of the country music offerings. It just didn't do my thing.

9) Strength of a Woman, by Mary J. Blige: I think in YAS I mentioned that I appreciated Shakira's latest thing because it was specifically Shakira on the track; it was a Latin pop music veteran making a Latin pop song, and the floor on that sort of thing is insanely high. I got a similar sort of vibe from this album. I knew going in that this wouldn't get anything lower than a B+ from me, because the name attached to this album is such a strong name that it would have to take an extremely weird departure for me not to be into this, like a Metal Machine Music-level noise experiment for me to go "enh, I don't know." This kinda sounds backhanded, I think sometimes I use high floor when I mean low ceiling, but trust I loved every second I spent with this album, like this album is legit great, I listened to it twice over the Internetless weekend, I guess I just took 100 words or whatever to tell you that this thing you can tell is great from the artist turned out to be great.

10) Swear I'm Good at This, by Diet Cig: I thought this was nice? It's a nice indie/punk album about being young in 2017. I think, when I mention the floor of a Mary J. Blige album, I'm discussing the floor as it relates to the general population; there isn't a soul alive who'd come away from a Mary J. Blige album and not give it a B+. (Well, OK, there are, it's called Strength of a Woman for a reason.)  For me, the floor for this sort of album is a B+, and it rests comfortably on that floor, sprawled out under a sunbeam like an adorable kitty cat. I love this! I can understand for a lot of people this would be nothing. It's slight, a little wispy punk thing, not the statement of purpose provided by The Bombpops or Bad Cop/Bad Cop, but by gum, if Amazon is going to tell me I'll like something because I enjoyed Paramore, by gum, I'm going to enjoy it.

11) blkswn, by Smino: This dude can do some crazy things with his voice. I usually check my phone to see what the song title is when I listen to an album (I like to know where I am), but I had to turn the screen on multiple times during each of this dude's songs just to make sure there weren't any features. I don't know about his range, I'm not here to discuss the technical aspect of singing, but he has this wide array of voices he can channel, so you never know quite what you're gonna get from song to song apart from a surprise. This is a talented kid. I'm excited to see him harness that.

12) Stay Eating Cookies, Shalewa Sharpe: So, I was raised on Comedy Central Presents specials, right? So many of the big names in comedy, I became first acquainted with via their half hours on Comedy Central. Does this mean there was a time when I thought Mitch Hedberg and Dane Cook were equally funny? Of course. But it also means I forged a deep enough love for the medium that I could eventually suss out who was Good and who was Bad. And this is what I love about 2 Dope Queens: it's positioned to be Comedy Central for a generation that has little use for cable, to fill for dorky kids the same role Comedy Central filled for me, except better, because they're going to be a tad more diverse. There's so many cool comics I might not have heard about without 2 Dope Queens; I think I listened to the Michelle Buteau album after I started the thing journal and loved it, and I haven't been able to get Kevin Yee's "I Fucked Your Dad" out of my head since I heard it. But this. Holy shit. Shalewa Sharpe is the best comic so far I've come to by way of 2 Dope Queens. I'm legitimately angry this woman's outlook has only been in my life for six days. Like, she has one line, one throwaway line, that elicited a noise from me I legit have never made in fifteen+ years of being aware I enjoyed comedy. This is the best unit of stand-up I've taken in this year, and y'all need to get up on it.

13) Disappear Here, Bad Suns: It makes me happy to know there's always going to be dudes making music like this. This sounds like someone gave Jimmy Eat World a more adventurous rhythm section. So like, my usual mode of consumption when I listen to music on the bus is, I'll queue up an album, and when that album finishes, I'll look for something else. I try not to have anything queued up, because I don't want to spend time with the thing I'm currently listening to wondering what I'll listen to next. (I think this was something they discussed on my beloved, departed Nothing to Write Home About, how from the second you purchase/add an album online, your preferred streaming service is already telling you to move on and buy the next thing, and I try to catch myself in those moments where I'm a distracted listener. Everything deserves my attention, and for the most part, everything gets it, even if half these capsules are more about how I take in pop culture than about the actual item of pop culture.) I put this album on repeat, because I wanted to spend another 50 minutes with these songs. It's not the same reaction I had to The World We Built, where I wanted to catch all the things I missed. I knew what in this album worked for me, it was emo-tinged post/punk about depression that absolutely grooved, I just wanted to be with this album longer.

14) Room, dir. Lenny Abrahamson: I was a little uncomfortable with this movie, because while I think they coaxed a great performance out of the kid, I don't know how aware the kid was of what he was doing? Like, when a horse wins the Kentucky Derby, the horse has no fucking clue it won the Kentucky Derby, it's just a fucking horse standing there, and it makes me uncomfortable to watch an event where the principal players aren't aware of what they're doing. The kid is more aware of his surroundings than the average horse, I'm sure, but is he going to watch this movie in 11 years and be proud of what he did? I dunno, I think every film should be animated, I'm going to mention this again when we get to Interstellar, THIS MOVIE WAS GOOD NONETHELESS. As someone who didn't have the greatest childhood, this movie was dealing with parenthood in a way I thought was powerful: it was asking, "How does a parent justify to their child the decisions they made when raising them?" It's a question the mom is asking herself all throughout the movie, and she's so lost in looking for the answer that when other people ask her questions along those lines she hits her low point, but it also asks, "How do kids accept the decisions their parents made?" The kid is obviously five years old and isn't totally aware of his surroundings, but he does have some vague cognizance that his situation prior to the events of the film was pretty fucked up; the film never jumps forward in time to when the kid is an angtsy goth looking for pot outside the mall, so we don't see how he deals with the full realization of his parentage and his upbringing, but he has some clue, and the film shows that kid accepting his situation as best he can while learning earlier than most of us that his mom is a flawed person. I loved a ton about this film, though, real talk, if I had known my computer could stream movies in 1080p without ever buffering, I might have picked a more technically impressive feature. "Wow, first time watching a film in HD, let's see this indie drama about familial relationships! You can see every detail in the shed!" (Also, that scene where the best cop in the world figures out how to extricate Ma from the shed with like seven words from the kid was so well done.)

15) Groundhog Day, from Tim Minchin et a;: This didn't land for me. It's more than the fact they wrote out Ned Ryerson, though OBVIOUSLY that didn't help. I think Groundhog Day is just... Like, that's a hard film to write, and in film, you get the luxury of being able to cast a Bill Murray as an irascible gentleman. You can't be irascible on Broadway. It's hard to be sarcastic when you're projecting. I think they did an admirable job of trying to adapt the film, which truly does not lend itself to a musical, into a musical, but they shouldn't have been asked to do that very stupid job. Of all the films. There's barely music in it.

16) Brooklyn Nine-Nine s3, cr. Michael Schur & Dan Goor: For 3/4 or so of this season, I was having a chill time, if not a great one. I thought it had set their sights on "enjoyable cop hang-out sitcom," and I can get behind that, if not necessarily be stoked on a potential s4. And then they added the Jason Mantzoukas character, and the show found a gear I would never have guessed it had. The mob storyline is EXACTLY WHAT THIS SHOW SHOULD HAVE BEEN DOING THIS WHOLE TIME, a Hot Fuzz-esque parody of cop movies/shows told with love for both the genre and the characters. It let the characters be good cops, like in the final two episodes where they have to foil the mafia and the FBI, but it allowed just enough room for them to be adorable dum-dums, like in "Cheddar," easily my favorite episode in the series to date. ("Cheddar" had so much, not the least of which was Boyle finding his home as an actual Mr. Magoo for 20 hot minutes.) Plus, at one point, Andre Braugher says "I can't even," and he manages to find the exact syllables in that phrase on which to put these subtle but undeniably incorrect inflections. Like, even when the show was settling for B-s, it was worth sticking with just for Andre Braugher (and Terry Crews and Stephanie Beatriz). The end to s3 was so strong, I'm psyched to see how they take s4.

17) In Transit, by Kristen Anderson-Lopez et al: So here's what's cool about In Transit, right? So like, I was never into Hamilton, but I do love the concept about a hip-hop musical about a Founding Father, because what better way to recount a nation's origin than through a genre of music which originated from the nation? The a capella musical takes a similar tack: it's a musical about a mass of people in New York, being sung by a mass of people. Like, none of the stories are really new: someone has anxiety about the future, other people have anxiety about relationships, this dude needs to come out of the closet but hasn't, it's all been done, but the a capella arrangements seem to indicate that the writers know these are things everyone goes through, so they have everyone sing them. It's not just the lead who's frustrated by the arc of her professional and creative careers, it's everyone in the office lamenting that they work in an office and not where they want to work, and the fact there's a chorus of people having these problems helps make this musical something more than "we're in New York and don't know what we're doing," which isn't my preferred thing to listen to. I don't know if that was the intent, it might not be given that I implied the stories being told were generic and unambitious (like I've said what I wanted about Hamilton, but that's a musical with chutzpah far beyond just the hip-hop influence)? But it feels bigger than it does.

18) Interstellar, dir. Christopher Nolan: I was always gonna watch this film, but no doubt the impetus behind adding this to the end of the week was, OK, NOW let's christen the new computer. Let's get this Christopher Nolan sci-fi epic, and let's see the true power of HD. (HD, surprisingly, looks a lot like regular TV but slightly fancier. I do wanna watch Kubo and the Three Strings again tho.) First of all, this did not need to be three hours long. I did not need to devote three hours of my life to this film. At the same time, though, I'm not sure what you cut from the film; it's over-long, but it never felt bloated, it at least felt like every scene had purpose. And while I'm never THAT into films where actors are acting at things that aren't there, I think there was enough of a human element established that I never felt unmoored from the film's world(s); there was always Matthew McConaughey's relationship with his daughter keeping this film grounded, even in the scenes where the characters recited science at each other. (I do wish the film hadn't asked me to believe Matthew McConaughey and Jessica Chastain were the same age. The age gap is narrower than I would have expected from Hollywood, but eight years is STILL A FUCKING LONG TIME.) And, man, it is rough times watching a movie about the earth beind destroyed and science being devalued in 2017. It's kind of amazing that this dystopian society being imagined in 2014 is, like, today's society, we are ten years away from only eating corn and failing to find new planets because we stopped being curious and started hyper-farming.

[junker-town]

'The Bachelor' episode 10 recap: Raven ostensibly has an orgasm, Rachel finally goes home, the women tell all

We are one episode away from finding out who Nick’s true love is.

‘Sup, Sports Bachelor Nation. If you’re anything like me, you’re firmly planted on your couch surrounded by pieces of kettle corn that didn’t make it to your mouth as you wait for this endless episode to begin. Not only do we have the rest of the Fantasy Suite dates to make it through tonight, we also have to stay alive for “The Women Tell All,” which is when all the scorned lovers of this season assemble on a stage, laugh at Chris “White Strips” Harrison’s charming jokes, and verbally berate each other and Nick “Handsome Software Salesman” Viall.

So I won’t waste any more of your precious time than I need to. Let’s get down and dirty.

THE REST OF RAVEN’S FANTASY SUITE DATE, ALSO KNOWN AS “THE ONE WHERE WE FIND OUT WHETHER RAVEN FINALLY HAD AN ORGASM OR NOT”

At the end of last episode, Raven dropped a bomb on the American people when she revealed the GOP’s new plan to repeal and replace Obamacare. Hah, kidding, she just told us she had never had an orgasm. She also told Nick this.

Now, I’m not a man, but I can imagine that if you are a man, and a woman you’re about to have sex with tells you she’s never climaxed before, you might feel, oh, I don’t know, an insane amount of pressure to deliver. Men should, of course, feel that pressure all the time, but The Patriarchy is a hell of a drug, so they often don’t.

I had this theory for a while that Nick was really bad at sex because he kept getting dumped right after he “had intercourse” (to quote Corinne) with women on The Bachelorette. But I may be wrong, because if Raven is telling the truth, she appears to have finally had an orgasm thanks to Nick. At least that’s what I’m guessing the montage of her running through the streets of Inissdlggaardddslgaaaad, Finland, is supposed to represent.

"Nick is really good at what he does, so I'm pretty satisfied today." - Raven#TheBachelor http://pic.twitter.com/4q0emrB4IB

— The Bachelor (@BachelorABC) March 7, 2017

I could write a thousand words on this montage alone, because I’m pretty sure it’s the greatest moment in television history: Raven skips in front of a rainbow wall, makes snow angels, high-fives strangers on the street, pats a Finnish dog, and kisses a stuffed reindeer on the nose.

This is also highly relatable content, because every woman I know runs through the streets grinning after she has great sex with a man wearing a very thick turtleneck.

RACHEL’S FANTASY SUITE DATE

Rachel’s date with Nick is honestly pretty boring. There’s some yadda yadda yadda-ing about whether she’s been open enough with Nick. It all feels very forced.

Which leads me to my conspiracy theory: I think Rachel and Nick knew, at this point, that Rachel was going to be the next Bachelorette. They seem very familiar with each other, and like they genuinely care about each other, but they don’t seem ... like they can’t keep their hands off each other. There’s something that feels a little manufactured about their interaction, and I wonder whether they didn’t, like, strike a deal by this point. Or have some brilliant producer strike it for them.

"It is so magical and beautiful out here. It's like being in Narnia!" - Rachel ���️ #TheBachelor http://pic.twitter.com/9prrw5DXCR

— The Bachelor (@BachelorABC) March 7, 2017

Nick makes fun of Rachel for “losing her mind” after the volleyball date, and I can’t remember that at all, because this show is a marathon, not a sprint, and the miles have all started to run together. But I don’t *think* Rachel lost her mind, so I’m a little bit peeved at Nick for telling a woman she was being crazy for having emotions.

Rachel then says something like, “You’re refreshing,” or “You’re not like other guys,” and Nick delivers the worst line of the night:

“I might be white, but I’m still a minority.”

Winky face.

Ugh.

SEXY TIME WITH RACHEL

Nick gives Rachel the envelope with the Sexy Time key in it. The Sexy Time key opens the door to the Fantasy Suite, which is just a hotel room filled with candles and roses in which the two parties in question can finally bang. Each Bachelor is allowed to bang the three final contestants.

Now is a good time to tell you that I moved to Brooklyn from Washington D.C. over the weekend (this anecdote doesn’t have to do with Sexy Time, don’t worry). I found this great apartment with these two very nice people who for some reason agreed to let me live with them, despite the bad jokes I tell, and the fact that I eat the cookie dough pieces out of cookie dough ice cream and then put the pint back in the fridge.

I’m telling you this because one of my new roommates has never seen The Bachelor before, but he’s watching it with me after I explained to him that viewing this show is actually my job. When Nick hands Rachel the Sexy Time key, my roommate goes, “Wait, so, does every one get the Fantasy Suite key?”

“Yeah, if Nick decides he wants to give it to them,” I say.

“So he’s literally offering them the key ... which is his penis,” says my roommate.

“Yeah,” I say.

“For the first time I can say I’m not in my head any more. I’m all in my heart. I feel good. I feel confident. I feel loved.” –Rachel http://pic.twitter.com/klJakSP5Ix

— The Bachelor (@BachelorABC) March 7, 2017

NICK DEFINITELY HAS A NAME FOR HIS PENIS

This is not a segment of the show, it’s just a belief I hold and feel like should be written in bold and all caps.

THE MORNING AFTER WITH RACHEL

Rachel and Nick do the deed, ostensibly, and wake up in the morning, as couples who’ve just had sex are wont to do. Nick makes Rachel breakfast, and she’s wearing a fleece onesie with penguins on it that was definitely chosen so that people would tweet about it. So I tweet about it.

VANESSA AND NICK AND THE ICE BATH OF DEATH

Vanessa’s hometown date was basically a disaster. Her family decided they low-key hate Nick (my words, not theirs, but that was the vibe). For his Sexy Time date with Vanessa, Nick takes her to a Finnish spa where they don matching blue bathing suits and jump in and out of a very cold pool and then go into a very hot steam room.

Listen, as someone who grew up in New England jumping into super cold water in the winter just for the hell of it, I just want to go on record saying that they’re babies for not dunking their heads.

A winter Finland ice bath actually seems like the worst thing. @BachelorABC #TheBachelor http://pic.twitter.com/PhlrFvx7OI

— Good Morning America (@GMA) March 7, 2017

Things then get heavy, which is par for the course for Vanessa and Nick. Vanessa is like, “Hey man, there are some things I’m not willing to compromise on.” And Nick is like, “Like what?” And Vanessa is basically like, “My family.” And Nick tells her that one of his first serious girlfriend’s families was way too involved in their relationship, so he’s spooked by that, and that Vanessa’s family seems too traditional. Which he eventually boils down to his feeling that having to go to lunch at her mom’s house every Sunday would be a real burden.

And I’m like — listen, dude. When I lived near my family, I’d have dinner every Sunday with my parents, my aunt and uncle, and my cousins. We had a blast. If some guy had been like, “It’s too much that you have dinner with your family once a week, I’m out,” I’d have been like, “Yes, you are out, and please never come back, because you’re actually kind of a controlling dick.”

Now, I understand that Vanessa has seemed especially close to her family, and they did kind of hate Nick, and she does seem reluctant to move away from Canada. So the fact that he’s a little concerned about how her attachment would affect them as a couple is somewhat valid. But Nick doesn’t really seem to be considering Vanessa at all here, especially when he says he is a “proud American” and therefore doesn’t want to move to Canada.

This is funny, because I know a lot of Americans right now who would give their left foot for Canadian citizenship. But maybe Nick is just waiting for America to be great again. Maybe he really wants to see how that whole plan pans out.

“This is a pretty awful date,” says my roommate, and I agree.

SEXY TIME WITH VANESSA

The evening date is so dumb, because they’re hanging out in this dope yurt in the Arctic Circle under the northern lights, but all they can do is spew word salad about their feelings at each other. This is what their conversation sounds like:

Vanessa tells Nick she loves him and then they retire to another yurt to bang.

ROSE CEREMONY

I guess we’re just cutting right to the chase, because we’re at the rose ceremony now. The women are wearing stunning dresses and we all know Rachel is going home — even though she is definitely the coolest one in the lineup — because she has to be the next Bachelorette.

Chris Harrison shows up for his requisite 27 seconds of screen time.

“It’s gonna be a difficult day,” he says to Nick.

“Not easy,” says Nick.

“You ready?” Chris Harrison asks.

“Yeah,” Nick says.

I want Chris Harrison’s job.

GETTING RID OF RACHEL

Nick is crying a lot as he gives Rachel the boot.

“I thought we had a really, really good thing,” she says, and while she’s sad, she’s not angry enough to convince me that I’m wrong about there being some sneaky deal to make her the next Bachelorette.

Especially since Nick doesn’t give any good reason for getting rid of her. And, no offense to Raven and Vanessa, I just can’t see a world in which you get rid of Rachel, the smart, funny, kind, gorgeous lawyer, over either of the remaining two women.

She’s crying in the limo, but I’m still skeptical.

THE WOMEN TELL ALL

So somehow we have two hours of the women telling all, and only one hour of the actual show. I’d be super pissed about this had my new roommate not just brought down bowls of ice cream.

My other roommate comes home and watches for a few minutes before wisely going into his room and closing the door.

THIS TOTALLY BLOWS

I’m not going to take you through everything that the women tell because, frankly, it’s the most painful thing I’ve watched since I saw Falcons fans crying after the Super Bowl at NRG Stadium in Houston.

Seriously. It’s just a bunch of women screaming at each other, interspersed with pseudo-inspirational moments when they say shit like, “You are judged by who you are, not by what you do.” I’m like, listen, my friends, if that were true, all the kind-hearted murderers in the world would be free and every cheating spouse would still be happily married.

This segment is somewhat triggering for me, because I went to an all-girls prep school for a few years. I made some of my best friends in the world there, but let me tell you: You don’t know true cruelty until you’ve witnessed females in seventh grade gang up on one another and take certain people’s sides to gain social capital. That’s a lot like what this feels like.

"So, no, I don't apologize... sorry." - Corinne @BachelorABC #TheBachelor #WomenTellAll http://pic.twitter.com/KjqWCuojJK

— Good Morning America (@GMA) March 7, 2017

My IQ is plummeting as I listen to Corinne and Taylor yell at each other about who took more naps. I like Corinne less and less as she talks. She says that she calls Raquel her “nanny” because “cleaning lady” belittles what Raquel actually is to Corinne, which is more of a second mother.

And I’m like ... I’m not sure nanny is actually that much more respectful? I don’t know, I already felt gross about how they made Raquel — who is a real, living, breathing human — into a punchline on this television show, and this just reinforces that feeling.

Liz then says, kind of apropos of nothing, “As women, we should be building each other up, not tearing each other down.” It reminds me of when Taylor Swift told Nicki Minaj that it wasn’t like her to “pit women against each other.” It’s just a bullshit way for one woman to get out of dealing with something real and critical another woman says about her. I’m here for women, I will ride for women, but I’m not going to support a woman I disagree with just because she’s also a woman. That’s not feminism, that’s stupidity.

#TheBachelorette and #TheBachelor! http://pic.twitter.com/hz1DknnrIp

— The Bachelor (@BachelorABC) March 7, 2017

Then they show a bunch of bloopers, which are better than the actual show and make me wonder why they don't just make the whole show the bloopers. It would be way funnier.

Anyway, see you guys next week for the final episode. I’m really sad, but also really ready for America to get over Nick so we can move on to Rachel.