#His only connection to humanity has been Dys and he still doesn't want this to happen

[hogwartslegacyreactions2]

Hey, I'm pretty sure that this was asked before, but I can't find the post.

What if MC died in the repository instead of professor Fig?

(I'm sorry, but I'm in an angsty mood)

I love your posts, and thanks

A/N: I do have vague recollection of answering a similar prompt once upon a time, but nothing wrong with a reprisal!

HLC REACT TO MC DYING IN THE REPOSITORY

WARNING: angst, death, grief

Dark ancient magic flew violently through the air around MC. The whirlwind of human agony consumed them as they released silver blue light from their wand. The magic thrashed and roared as MC expelled more and more effort to contain the chaos. Cracks started to form along the length of their wand.

Time slowed for them. MC could see Fig's silhouette just beyond the veil. The hundreds of young souls above them weighed heavy on their conscience. If they can't do this, everyone will die. They had to use all of it.

MC closed their eyes and whispered their goodbye. A light even brighter than the one from their wand emerged from their chest. The ancient magic within them burst forth with the fury of dragonfire. The silver light merged with the darkness, and as quickly as it had appeared, the magic vanished.

MC was gone. Their broken wand was all that remained.

SEBASTIAN SALLOW: He has officially lost everything. After losing his uncle, Anne, Ominis, and MC all at once, he's cracking. They can't be gone. Not them. They were too powerful to just vanish. He just has to find them. Yes. That's what he needs to do. He leaves Hogwarts. He MUST find them. Then Anne will see. Then Ominis will know. What he did was worth it.

OMINIS GAUNT: He rarely speaks anymore. The silence in his life has become so oppressive it took his own voice. The good life he thought he had was nice while it lasted, but now it's all come apart. It's only a matter of time before he loses Anne too, and when that happens...he doesn't know what he's going to do with himself.

ANNE SALLOW: She doesn't know how to feel about MC's death. On the one hand, they were trying to be a good friend to her and her brother but on the other...they also enabled Sebastian in his treachery. She's so very tired of the pain. She just wants to go to sleep.

IMELDA REYES: Well, damn. Mc was the closest thing to a friend she had in years. Someone competitive but friendly and fun to have around. They could dish out as much sass as she could, and she respected them for it. She cries a little at the end of year feast.

NATSAI ONAI: She should have been there. She could've done something! Why didn't they tell her!? She would've had their back! She....she...she breaks down into sobs so intense, even her mother can't comfort her. Her best friend was dead. Her heart was shattered and it would never be whole again without MC.

GARRETH WEASLEY: What? No. Nonono. Not them. That's impossible. They couldn't be dead. They're too strong to be.... He's in denial all the way until the MC's memorial service at the end of year feast. Then he breaks down. A bit of his fire died with MC.

LEANDER PREWETT: He wasn't super close to them, but he was still quite fond of them. They were a real friend. He hopes they're at peace and raises a goblet in their honor.

AMIT THAKKAR: He feels cold and numb all at once when he hears the news that MC died in the attack. He'd grown to care about them. He cursed himself for not spending more time with them when they were around.

EVERETT CLOPTON: He and MC didn't talk much outside of flying class but he had liked them. It was a shame he didn't get to know them more. He doesn't feel like eating when the feast is presented.

POPPY SWEETING: She hadn't cried this much since she left her parents. She finally made a friend, and just like that, they were gone. She doesn't know if she could make another friend again if she wanted to. Was she just doomed to lose every human connection she made?

ELEAZAR FIG: He wholeheartedly and inconsolably blames himself. Even if this fate couldn't be avoided, why did they have to die so young? He can't stand to hear the words "ancient" and "magic" in the same sentence at the same time anymore. It sends him into a dissociative trauma spiral.

He finds MC's wand. It's snapped in the middle with bits of wood frayed outward like the very core of the wand exploded. The two pieces are held together by the slightest sliver of wood.

He retires from teaching at Hogwarts. He doesn't trust himself with the care of students anymore. He doesn't trust his own judgment. He's tortured every night by the survivor's guilt taunting him that he should have done more. He should have protected them. He shouldn't have let them go as far as they did. They weren't ready. They couldn't handle the power they were forced to control. It takes everything in him to not attempt to destroy the map room with the portraits of the Keepers. He just leaves.

But every once in a while... On quiet moonless nights.... When he sees MC's wand displayed with Miriam's, he hears a whisper. A quiet breathy whisper that he could swear on his life sounds like MC. He chalks it up to the fact that he could be going mad from grief, but it's still strikes him as strange... If he looked at the wand hard enough... He could swear he sees a blue glow...

[restlessreveries]

Alright. Disconnect the Array path without meeting Sym.

I’m never doing this again.

Because when you do meet him, it’s so damn heartwrenching.

Lots of screenshots from the second fight with Noctilucent in the swamp, spoilers for this path obviously.

After this point the path continues much like it usually does. There might be a slight variation in the dialogue options with Sym at the very end but it’s been s long since I did my first run of this path that I couldn’t tell.

Also I want to fucking strangle Vace. YOU ABSOLUTE DUMBFUCK, CAN YOU NOT INTERRUPT? THIS IS KIND OF IMPORTANT STUFF!

Gonna have to treat myself to a particularly wholesome Peace on Vertumna path after this...

[droopywrites]

did you ever did a part 2 to jjk dudes meeting their child who’s from the future?

⋆｡Part || of JJK MEN meeting their future kids｡⋆

Author's notes: I don't think I've posted it! Considering it kind of left my mind and the old draft is gone, but I did write everything I remember here. Also, it's like 3am and I wrote this crying, not proofread.

CW: Swearing, killing, cannibalism(?) like mention of eating people, children.

Pronouns used for the kids: She/her for Geto and It/its for Sukuna.

Part | (Warning, it's from 2021)

Geto

Starting off strong with Geto.

Definitely another girl. He's such a girl dad.

On a regularly scheduled day like always; it was wake up, talk with his connections, mingle with his family, check on Mimi and Nana, see whatever the hell the non-sorcerers wanted, get greeted by a little girl that wasn't supposed to be on the estate...

What the fuck.

How did she even get here? Why is she here?

Geto would stare at this child in confusion and look around, waiting for someone to claim her.

He has a soft spot for children. Sorcerers, of course. Non-sorcerers, debatable.

So, low and behold this little girl running up to him to clutch at his robes. Him trying to pry her off of him with her relieved cries of "Papa! Papa!" escaping her lips.

Papa?

Holds her by the shirt's scruff like a cat and squints, ready to scold her but pauses when he sees her face.

Because, holy shit, that's literally his twin. And suddenly every rare hookup played in his mind.

But no, she looked no older than 3. He hadn't been with anyone at that time, or ever yet. Not that far.

Drops everything for the next couple of days just to make sense of the situation, only telling his beloved family.

Mimi and Nana fawn over the idea of a little sister but are a bit restrictive if it's not a permanent thing.

The girl didn't speak much except for addressing Geto, the twins, oh and you.

You...?

You.

You.

You, who had just returned from your trip overseas to oversee some tasks involving curses.

You, who the little girl immediately ran to and called "Mama! Mama!"

You, who Geto stared wide-eyed at and surprised as you two tried to settle the fact nothing even happened between you.

Yet.

When that little girl eventually left to her own time, with everything still fresh and confusing, Geto eventually approached you.

Because, well, he wanted to see that little girl again.

After few dates, then a relationship, then marriage. Maybe.

Sukuna

Listen, he is NOT spreading those cursed genes of his pre-human/post-cursed-spirit.

Man hates love.

But, during the Heian period. When some stupid kid wandered into his life as if it always belonged there, maybe, maybe, there was something else in that space in his chest but hunger and his definition of love.

So, there it was. Whatever it was. Standing there with large eyes focused on him with a semblance of admiration and malice.

"What are you looking at, brat?"

"You."

The audacity of this thing. He killed it immediately.

And then it came back. So, he killed it again. And again. And... what the fuck.

This little shit was persistent.

His kid. He doesn't know how. But definitely his kid.

A worthy successor? Fuck no, he's not dying or leaving it as some birthright to a hindrance.

Learning of its origins was pretty interesting, to say the least.

"Not a human? I figured. A curse made from me, huh? Someone weak must hate me so much."

That meant a human parent. Or multiple human parents. Gross.

He wasn't getting into that.

The kid was though.

It often visited this village to... eat? Kill? Fight? Whatever makes it happy.

...

The hell do you mean it was visiting its human mother?

It had a mother? It had a mother that cursed him so much it resulted in a personalized cursed child?

He could see it stare longingly at that woman's village and before he could even kill her, his offspring said goodbye.

"I'll see you in the future, yeah?"

And then Sukuna was sealed.

He probably searched for his offspring in the Modern era.

Author's notes 2: Stopping with these two because it's been a while since I've posted seriously on this account, 2 years? Maybe I've gotten better, maybe not. This was the idea but with updated better minds. Maybe I'll do the others separately again, Yuji, Yuta, Megumi, Toge. Just did the adults first. Doing Choso and Higuruma definitely.

[undreaming-fanfiction]

My Blessing

Back when Eddie was still human, he used to think it would be incredibly cool to be a vampire. Child of the night, Nosferatu, all that stuff from his beloved books. He would be untouchable and the people who wanted to hurt him just for being different would wither away and die of old age while he'd still be the same. Maybe he'd visit them in their dying hour and sneer at them, taunt them as they were about to see what awaits beyond. All of that used to sound so good.

As he's learned during last 80-ish years, being a vampire sucks (no pun intended).

He sees it all. World wars. AIDS epidemic. Satanic panic. More and more pain, people wasting away before his eyes. The music is cool, but he wonders if he'll grow tired of it all. Eddie is still young, he doesn't want to believe that this is all there is. But each year, each decade makes him more and more hopeless.

And he's so, so lonely. He still has Wayne, his vampire uncle (he categorically denies the term "father" or "maker"), but he sometimes too resigned, too used to all the pain and violence. He doesn't know many other vampires and making any sort of a connection with a human is painful to think about. People are so fragile.

He's always loved turning into a bat and just flying around the city, avoiding the curious eyes of humans and finding lone vantage points, observing the night life on the streets. One of his favorite spots is on top of the Harrington bank, a building from the 1920s with old bronze statues and old, tall windows. He started visiting the ledge in late 1980s, sometimes spending the entire night there. He'd land on the ledge and turn back to his real form, plopping down next to a statue of a young man. It's so human-like, Eddie forgets it's just an object, a piece of art, and talks to it. He tells it about the stuff that has been happening in the world, all that's fucked up but also the good things, how he saw a group of girls chasing away a stalker of a random lady, a homeless guy giving his last few bites to a stray dog. How a kid he used to know in the 80s is now all grown up and has children of his own. He sometimes wonders who made the statue, but there is no signature, no mark, just that pretty face looking down at the street, lost in thought.

It's on a stormy night in 2022 that it happens. Eddie lands in his favorite spot, lights up a cigarette (immortal lungs are a great thing to have) and talks to the statue, as always. Tells it how he actually wrote a novel and got it published, summers are long and the daylight doesn't kill him but it sure hurts, rambles about how he got Wayne his first flannel shirt and it was love at the first sight. The rain is thick, heavy, but Eddie likes it, it makes him feel a bit more alive. He hears thunder, closer and closer, but the lightning is probably somewhere behind him, he doesn't see it.

That is, until it hits the statue, and Eddie panics because sure, it was just an object, but it was like his friend, it was a constant in his life, what is he going to do-

And then the statue straightens its spine and groans.

Eddie's cigarette falls somewhere into the streets and burns a hole in the umbrella of a lady bitching about the undeserved help provided to the poor. Not that he notices. His eyes are glued to the statue that stretches its arms and runs its fingers through the thick hair that suddenly has color, a sun-kissed brown, and then it turns to Eddie and smiles.

"Oh finally, I was waiting for ages to introduce myself. Hi. Thanks for keeping me company all those years. I'm Steve. Steve Harrington."

Eddie shakes the offered hand in daze and mutters "Eddie, Eddie Munson" before promptly turning into a bat and...what? Does he want to run away? Does he want to shriek his little heart out and never come back? Probably not. Not with Steve smiling at him like he's the best thing in the whole world. So he just lands on Steve's outstretched hand and squeaks "Still Eddie Munson, only pocket size."

And Steve, bless his heart - does he have one? Do statues have hearts? - just laughs and tucks Eddie under his old-fashioned jacket to protect him from the rain. "Oh, I know. The first time you landed here and turned back, I thought I'd finally gone crazy."

He opens a window behind them and climbs inside with Eddie, a window that's always been dark, the only dark room in the whole building. And then they talk. Well, Steve does.

That's when Eddie learns the room is Steve's, preserved, stocked and cleaned throughout the decades. That he's the only son of the founder of the bank, Richard Harrington, now fortunately long dead and burning in hell. That even before the Great Depression hit, the bank was facing difficulties and Richard Harrington decided to make a deal with...something. Something ancient and lurking in New York, something feeding off the misery of people living there.

That's when Eddie learns that Richard Harrington offered his only son to preserve his fortune.

He just stares as Steve shrugs, retelling his story as if it was no big deal, finding a change of clothes for both of them in a huge closet full of things both old and new, a strange blend of fashion spanning last century. "It was a deal for one hundred years. One hundred years of prosperity for one hundred years of...that. I guess my father felt a little bit guilty afterwards because he included in his will that I'd always have a place to come back to. This room. And some financial security too, that's what he'd said before he passed away. He used to talk to me through that window sometimes, after my mother drank herself to death."

"Uhhh." Edward Munson, ever the eloquent fantasy book author, has nothing better to say.

He turns back to Eddie, smiling at him and offering a black t-shirt. "I don't think he knew I could hear him, that I heard and saw everything. Still, nice to know he cared...as much as he was humanly able to." The smile doesn't falter as he adds: "I don't want to sound pushy, but maybe you should turn back to change clothes? You're still wet."

And oh, Eddie is still a bat. Yep. With a sound that sounds like a plop, he transforms back and takes the t-shirt. "Thank you. Steve. Uh. That's  fucked up, man," he offers lamely.

"Oh yeah, it sucked. Well, used to," he nudges Eddie, tossing him a towel when he sees his hair dripping on the floor. "But then you started showing up. Talking to me." Now his smile is slightly smaller, sad, and Eddie wants to visit Richard Harrington's grave and punch his remains, build them into a bird feeder, revive the asshole and kill him again. "It was just...so lonely. I had no way of telling you, but when you started visiting and just, kept showing up, almost every day, it felt like a blessing."

Eddie swallows, his throat suddenly dry. "A blessing?"

"Yeah." Steve turns to him and the sincerity in his eyes is so intense Eddie feels like turning into a bat again and flying in circles, shrieking into the night. "You were my blessing, Eddie," he says as he squeezes his hand.

And Eddie just stares, his undead heart breaking for this boy, cursed just as horribly if not worse than he is. "You know I'm not...not human, right?" he whispers but his hand doesn't leave Steve's. "I guess you can probably tell from the bat thing, or that I'm literally the room temperature-"

"-or the fact that you once told me that it's a shame I'm not alive because I look delicious and you're sure my blood would be too," add Steve with a mischievous smirk.

"Uh. Shit, yeah. That too," Eddie stutters, trying to recall all the embarrassing stuff he told Steve during the last thirty or so years. "That...doesn't bother you?"

Steve snorts in laughter and shakes his head. "You literally thought I was a piece of bronze an hour ago, man. Does that bother you? Did you prefer me when I didn't talk?"

Eddie scoffs at that, offended. "Hell no. You were just a pretty face, but now you're a pretty face with a ton of personality. I...you know, you were my blessing too, I think. Even if you couldn't answer, I didn't feel as much alone next to you. Is that weird to say?" 

The squeeze of Steve's fingers gives him the answer he needs, but he still melts inside when he hears "not at all. I just hope you won't get bored of me now that I'm...different," he whispers, staring at their joined fingers. "You'll probably find me boring. I don't know much about what's going on outside. I could watch and you told me a lot, but...uh. The world seems so hectic and fast-paced, it will probably take me a while to catch up."

And Eddie has to laugh because that worry is so strange to hear voiced out loud, as if Steve being alive, breathing and next to him, as if that made him something less. "Oh just you wait, Steve. You spent over thirty years listening to me ramble, now I'm expecting at least thirty years of your monologues so we can be even. You know my dirtiest secrets now and I'm a man with a thirst for knowledge. Really," he adds because the young man next to him is still silent, "you have nothing to worry about. I've kept you company and you have done the same for me...and it works for us. So what's a little confusion about these modern days? Come on pretty boy. I will be your guide."

Steve gives him a smile that is so radiant Eddie thinks it should hurt, it should burn him like a torch, but it's just warm. Kind. "I can work with that."

Steve is the only human Eddie ever turns. He expects to agonize over it for much longer, to feel guilty, but Steve has already lived longer than he has and he still has thirst for life that is infectious, something that drives Eddie to join him, try new things, not mourn what is lost to time but be thankful that he has the chance to see it all. He finally wants to participate, to join the world again, not just observe it.

The first time Steve turns to a bat, he ends up flying in circles in absolute ecstasy, laughing and making the weirdest somersaults and loops. Eddie could watch him forever and the best part is - he can. And he does.

But before all that, Eddie brings Steve to see Wayne, to introduce him to his only family. Wayne shakes his hand and gruffly laughs: "Well, look at that. My boy has finally moved on from that statue."

Without missing a beat, Steve smiles at him and announces "oh not at all, sir. I'm the statue."

Eddie has some explaining to do, but for now, he just laughs.

[minnaci]

death cannot harm you in any way that matters, but when you wake up to astarion's fangs in your neck, a part of you regrets missing out on the most human of experiences— intimacy, connection, and love. perhaps you shouldn't have invited him to join your party.

contents: astarion x gn!reader, suggestive, neck kissing, astarion-typical toxicity (astarion nearly kills reader but it's romantic... trust), based on the early scene in bg3 when astarion first joins the party and kills tav, reader has never been in a relationship and is inexperienced in romance and sex, thoughts on death

you wake to two sharp points of pleasure-pain at your throat. consciousness swims around you, slow and hazy like a smoke from a dying candle. "astarion?"

"hush, little thing." sure enough, your newest traveling companion's voice caresses your ears. ah, vampires. always so hungry. perhaps if you had awoken earlier, you would still have the will to fight him off. but now, warmth floods your body. your perception narrows to delicious sharpness of his fangs against your skin, to the steady, demanding weight of his body over yours.

"feels good," you stumble over the syllables, tongue thick in your mouth. a moan escapes you— a graceless, wanton thing. black creeps into the edges of your vision, but a sudden sense of urgency creeps into your heart. it's imperative that he knows— "astarion, 's so good."

"of course. sweet little things like you deserve a bit of pleasure now and again, don't they?" something dark tints the edges of his voice. you get the sense that he's not really listening to you, and it makes you pout. he's too focused on draining you dry, it seems. for shame! you muster the energy to wiggle a bit in his grasp, and astarion detaches long enough to coo at you. "now, now, don't fuss. just keep feeling good for me, darling."

you wiggle a bit more, a hint of a frown crossing your face. death has never scared you. it's simply the next great adventure, you think, with an added bonus of reuniting with the loved ones you'd lost along the way. that being said...

"i don't want to die yet," you say, even as your eyes roll back in your head. the feeling of blood draining from your neck into astarion's warm, wanting mouth makes your head spin. "you shouldn't kill me yet."

"and why is that?" he humors you once more, pulling back long enough to look you in the eye. you reach up to caress his cheek— trembling and tender. surprise flits across his face. his hand comes up to steady yours, as if on instinct.

"i haven't done everything i want to do yet." you struggle to focus. his features distort in your vision, but his cheek remains firm under your touch.

"oh? and what would those things be?"

"wanna be kissed." something about the blood loss makes the truth feel less pathetic to you. "wanna be fucked. wanna feel wanted. you probably don't get it. you're too pretty to understand."

there's a lengthy pause as your eyes flutter shut. your eyelids are simply too heavy to open. for a second, you think that maybe you've died already, but the pressure of his hand over yours keeps you clinging to life.

"...i can't do this to you." astarion huffs, as if the vestigial remnants of his moral code have personally slighted him. "you poor, pathetic thing. the only things you crave are simple touches?"

"'s not simple. 's everything. everything i've ever wanted."

"kissing and fucking aren't all that they're made out to be, darling." for the first time since you met him, astarion's voice loses that charming, snake-oil quality. "and feeling wanted doesn't always feel good, you know."

"i don't know," you say.

"hmm?" distantly, you feel surprisingly strong arms rearranging your limbs. a skin full of cool water appears at your lips, and a blanket is drawn carefully over your prone form.

"i don't know how it feels to be wanted." you pry open your eyes with herculean strength. astarion's face swims before you, sharp angles and delicate features highlighted by the light of the moon. "will you show me, astarion?"

"no." he smiles, and something shutters closed in his expression— some hint of vulnerability that you hadn't even realized he'd revealed until it was gone. his smile is an ugly, tight-lipped thing, so removed from how enchanting he normally is— he's dark and bitter as the coffee grounds you've squirreled away in your pack. you're vaguely aware of a new tension in his shoulders, a new set to the corners of his mouth. he's scared, you realize, the epiphany coming through a fog of semi-consciousness. what does he have to be scared of? you're the one who initiated, you're the one who put your weakly-beating heart on the line. "i'm afraid the cost of my love isn't a price you'd be willing to pay."

"that's okay," you say, letting your eyes close once again. exhaustion reigns over your bones, flows through your veins. somehow, rejection manages to hurt worse than imminent death. "thank you, though."

"for what, darling?"

for listening. for not laughing. for being kinder in his rejection than anyone has before.

"for not killing me," is what you finally settle on.

astarion does laugh, then, and that strange tension around him dissipates. "you really are too precious. here, my darling. take this as a consolation prize."

you're too tired to say you don't want a consolation prize— you've been the consolation prize your whole life. warm breath ghosts over your skin, and a soft pair of lips brushes over your forehead, your cheeks. there's a pause, then the barest hint of pressure over the corner of your mouth.

"there." astarion's voice filters into your brain from far, far away. "now you can't say you've never been kissed."

tagging: @enchantedforest-network

[zedleaked]

[APPARENTLY PEOPLE HERE WANTED TO KNOW THE HUMAN AXIS LORE SO IM JUST GOING TO COPY MY TWITTER POST HERE…] BASIC GIST IS THAT THIS IS JUST A GENERAL HUMAN AU. MONSTERS AND HUMANS SWAPPED. WOWIE!

ANYWAYS READ MORE FOR AXIS

AXIS ORIGIN IS STILL A BIT FUZZY. HERE HE'S LIKE CHUJIN'S ADOPTED SON [GENDER NEUTRAL],, CATGIRLTRICKSTER ON TWITTER SUGGESTED CHUJIN JUST FINDING YOUNG AXIS IN A PIPE OR SOMETHING AND I THINK THATS REALLY FUNNY... THOUGH HIS ORIGINS WOULD BE VAGUE. IF ASKED HE'D SAY HE DOESN'T REMEMBER.

ALSO NOTE BEFORE I FORGET. AXIS WAS JUST BORN WITH ONE LEG. THERE IS NO LORE REASON TO WHY ITS MISSING, IT IS JUST THE WAY HE IS. CHUJIN MAKES HIM A ROBOTIC LEG SO HE CAN HAVE AN EASIER TIME.

SURE I COULD GIVE A FUCKED REASON AS TO WHY HE DOESNT HAVE IT BUT I DONT FEEL LIKE IT.

AXIS WOULD BE AN APPRENTICE UNDER CHUJIN SIMILAR TO MARTLET [I NEEDA DRAW MARTLET EVENTUALLY] PLUS IN GAME THERE'S FLAVOR TEXT ABOUT HIM FLIPPING THROUGH THE ROYAL GUARD HANDBOOK IN HIS MIND. HONESTLY. MARTLET AND AXIS BEING FRIENDS THROUGH SHARING THE SAME INTEREST IS SILLY...

HE'D WANT TO TRAIN HIMSELF TO BECOME A ROYAL GUARD OR AT LEAST A PROTECTOR TO PAYBACK CHUJIN FOR TAKING HIM IN. HE'S GOING TO PROTECT HIS FATHER AND HUMANKIND. IT'S HIS BIGGEST GOAL IN LIFE.

STEAMWORKS STILL EXISTS. ITS JUST CHUJIN HADNT BUILT THE AXIS MODELS IN THIS AU BECAUSE. YOU KNOW.

MAYBE HE SAW POTENTIAL IN HUMAN AXIS, SEEING HOW DETERMINED HE IS TO GROW STRONGER AND PROTECT PEOPLE. CHUJIN WOULD WANT HIM TO HONE HIS SKILLS TO BECOME SOMETHING... BIG.

IN A WAY. AXIS WAS A PEEK INTO WHAT HUMANS COULD BECOME AND WHAT THAT COULD DO FOR HUMAN SOCIETY UNDERGROUND.

MEANWHILE AXIS IS ENAMORED BY STEAMWORKS AND JUST CHUJIN'S WORK IN GENERAL. HE REALLY ADMIRES ROBOTS, HE THINKS ABOUT WHAT ITS LIKE IF HE HAD ROBOTIC MODIFICATIONS.

AND LESS LORE RELEVANT BUT HE ALSO HAS CONNECTIONS TO KANAKO TOO! THEY ARE THE SIBLINGS EVER. THOUGH IVE BEEN WONDERING HOW CEROBA NOT KNOWING AXIS IN STEAMWORKS WOULD WORK. IT'D BE KINDA WEIRD FOR CHUJIN TO KEEP A WHOLE ASS CHILD SECRET FROM HER.

THEYVE PROBABLY SEEN EACH OTHER AND NEVER HAD MUCH SIGNIFICANT

INTERACTIONS FOR THEM TO FULLY REMEMBER EACH OTHER. AXIS SPENDS A MAJORITY OF HIS TIME AT STEAMWORKS OR DOING ROYAL GUARD SHIT, AND WHEN HES NOT DOING THAT HES PROBABLY PLAYING WITH KANAKO [WHEN CEROBA ISNT AROUND]

AND WELL. WE HAD TO GET TO THIS PART EVENTUALLY. ONE DAY A MONSTER MAKES ITS WAY INTO THE UNDERGROUND AND STARTED KILLING PEOPLE. DALV [WHO I ALSO NEED TO DRAW] GOT CAUGHT UP IN THE FRAY WHILE PLAYING WITH KANAKO [AND AXIS TOO]. UPON SEEING HIS FRIENDS GET HURT. SOMETHING CLICKS.

AXIS HAD TRAINED UP TO THIS POINT. THIS WAS HIS MOMENT. HE HAD TO SAVE THE PEOPLE FROM THE THREAT IN FRONT OF THEM. INSTINCTS KICK IN AND HE GOES IN TO FIGHT THE MONSTER WHILE DALV TAKES KANAKO TO SAFETY.

THIS MONSTER WAS TOUGH. HE WAS ALMOST KILLED. BUT HE HAD TO PERSEVERE.

SOMETHING JUST ACTIVATED IN HIS SOUL.

HE FELT A SURGE OF POWER. THE ONLY THING HE KNEW IN THAT MOMENT WAS TO.

GET. RID. OF. THE. THREAT.

IN FRONT OF HIM WAS JUST. A HEADLESS BODY THAT SLOWLY FADED INTO DUST.

THAT... HE DIDNT MEAN TO GO THAT FAR.

SIMILAR TO CLOVER IN GENOCIDE, AXIS HAD RAPIDLY LEVELED UP AND SHOT A POWERFUL ATTACK AT THE MONSTER IN RESPONSE TO ALMOST DYING. HE NEEDED TO KEEP GOING NO MATTER WHAT.

STILL. THE CONSEQUENCES OF HIS ACTIONS LAID HEAVY ON HIM.

HE HAD KILLED A LIVING, BREATHING THING.

SOON AFTER CHUJIN WALKED IN ON THE SCENE COMPLETELY HORRIFIED. AXIS, ASHAMED OF WHAT HE HAD DONE RAN TOWARD STEAMWORKS TO ISOLATE HIMSELF, SIMILAR TO DALV.

SURE, HE HAD SAVED PEOPLE FROM THAT MONSTER BUT DID HE HAVE TO BE SO GRUESOME?

CHUJIN RAN AFTER HIM, TRYING TO GET HIM BACK

CHUJIN FINDS HIM AT STEAMWORKS, WALLOWING IN JUST. EVERY EMOTION.

HE TRIES TO COMFORT HIM THOUGH AXIS IS STILL INSISTENT ON NOT GOING OUT.

THE TWO REACHED THE COMPROMISE THAT: AXIS WOULD GUARD AND PROTECT STEAMWORKS AND THAT CHUJIN WOULD CHECK UP ON HIM EVERY NOW AND THEN.

SO THATS WHAT HE DID. HE STAYED AT STEAMWORKS, WATCHING OVER THE PLACE AND ITS ROBOTS FOR….. AGES.

EVENTUALLY CHUJIN'S CHECK UPS GET MORE SPARSE UNTIL JUST. NOTHING.

AXIS NOTICES TOO THAT LESS AND LESS SCIENTISTS ARE PRESENT AT STEAMWORKS. UNTIL THERE IS NO ONE THERE.

WHEN ASKED IF HE WAS GOING TO LEAVE

TOO HE SAID

"NO. MY FATHER AND I HAD REACHED THE AGREEMENT THAT I WOULD STAY AND PATROL THIS AREA, AND THAT I WILL DO." THERE WAS NO CONVINCING HIM TO LEAVE. SO THE OTHERS RELUCTANTLY LEFT HIM BE.

DAY BY DAY HE WATCHES STEAMWORKS FLOOD AND DECAY. WHILE HE STAYS THERE TRYING TO KEEP UP THE AGREEMENT BETWEEN HIS FATHER AND HIMSELF.

NO ONE HAD TOLD HIM.

ONE DAY THOUGH HE FINDS THAT STEAMWORKS SUDDENLY ACTIVATES RIGHT BEFORE SEEING A MONSTER ONCE AGAIN.

OH HE REMEMBERS THE PAST WELL. IN THIS AU IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO GET HIS MEMORY ERASED.

WHILE THE EVENTS PLAY OUT MOSTLY THE SAME COMPARED TO NORMAL UTY.

AXIS SEEMS MORE HESITANT THAN USUAL. AND PROBABLY MONOLOGUING A LITTLE SIMILAR TO WHAT DALV DOES

BEING A HUMAN. HE POSES LESS OF A THREAT ON HIS OWN. HOWEVER. MY GUY SETS UP HOME ALONE TYPE TRAPS N SHIT TO TRY AND CATCH CLOVER INSTEAD [PART OF HIS ROYAL GUARD TRAINING!!.

ONLY RESORTING TO USING "ROBOTIC MODIFICATIONS" HE HAD FOUND WHEN CLOVER REALLY [ticks] HIM OFF.

AND YES. HE STILL GETS A ROBOT SPOUSE IF A PACIFIST PLAYTHROUGH HAPPENS. HUMAN AXIS IS OBJECTUM. ITS REAL.

SO YEAH THAT IS ALL THE THINGS I THINK.

HOLY SHIT THIS THREAD IS LONG. FEW PEOPLE WILL READ THIS I THINK BUT I STILL WANTED TO GET STUPID AU THOUGHTS OUT. UH. YEAH HOPE THAT IS GOOD OR SMTH.. FEEL FREE TO ASK QUESTIONS 🥺

[hellsingmongrel]

I can't help but think about how Vash, after the trauma of having Rem killed when he was so young and then learning to expect the humans he grew to love to grow old and die or be killed in so many myriad ways and even having them betray him for the bounty money or just out of fear, must have developed so many difficulties allowing himself to get close to people.

Abandonment issues SUCK. You want to be close to people, you want to love people and develop connections and have friends and loved ones you can spend time with and be happy with, but you become so sure that anyone you get close to will just end up leaving you for one reason or another, and nothing you do will ever make them stay, so you just...stop trying. Stop letting yourself get attached. Stop letting yourself hope these will still be there or even reach out to bridge the gaps.

You can be friendly and outgoing and happy in the moment, but that's all it is; momentary. So you just let yourself be happy with the little glimpses if friendliness that you get from time to time and never hope for anything more. It's easier that way, you won't get your hopes up, and you're alright being alone, you've always been alone, it's ok. It's ok.

Except it's really not, and sometimes the loneliness just eats away at you, and you wonder why you were so wrong, why you were so bad or broken or a problem, or not made right to live like other people did, and why you have to be so Different that you're best hope is to just be allowed to exist Around other people, not With other people.

It's no wonder he has so much trouble never settling down, or why he only lets himself be happy for small spells between the downward spirals. He wants SO MUCH to be human, just like everyone else, worthy of love and companionship and the kinds of connections everyone else on the planet shares. He just wants to fit in and be loved, and the more his abandonment issues are reinforced, the worse it makes him feel about himself.

And then, he finds the one human who refuses to abandon him, even if he should, even if it means it puts him in danger, even if at first it's just because he HAS to, and maybe Vash feels like someone finally wants him to be around, and makes him feel a little more Human, and like maybe he can finally have a friend. Or a partner. Maybe he can let himself try to be loved.

And then he's Abandoned all over again, except it's not like every other time. It's not because he's not worthy of having someone next to him, and if he just catches up, then he can save him from the things his brother is doing, and he can be happy for a little bit longer! He doesn't have to say good bye all over again so soon, just let him be on time!

But no. It was never going to work out, was it? He should have known better. So much of what's happening has to be his own fault in one way or anotuer, so it's just his fault that this happened, too, wasn't it? It was his own fault for letting himself get his hopes up, anyway. He knew better. He doesn't get to have people who love him. It's his own fault that his world feels like it's breaking all around him while he digs a solitary grave out behind the orphanage. He's a blight on everything around him. Everything he loves ends up leaving him, eventually. He just wishes everyone he gets close to could stop dying in horrible ways. At least the betrayals mean the people will still get to live their own lives, happy and safe, once he's moved on to the next path on his neverending road.

[anotherwatchedninja]

I feel like people forget Time Lords are the same person across every incarnation.

like, ‘14’ even says that it’s not dying. Same memories, same thoughts about people, sometimes expressing something they can’t, not being able to say something they used to.

Think back to you 10 years ago.

You're probably a very different person now compared to then, but you're also not at the same time.

You probably talk differently now, you see the world differently, you might believe different things.

When The Doctor regenerates, that's the level of change that is done but in a few seconds instead of a decade.

Fundamentally you’re still the same person, and you’ve probably retained most of your core beliefs and interests, but you’ve also grown and learnt more about the world; altering many of your less integral values, and even possibly some of you more integral ones.

you could attribute it to a line from one of the novelisations, where the doctor attributes his lack of control over regeneration (and as we can imply, how bad of a post-regen situation he has) is because he didn’t pay enough attention in regeneration lessons.

I think for the Doctor it's like if you woke up and were suddenly 8 again, with all your 8-year-old impulses and personality and likes/dislikes, but your current memories.

The Doctor is always the Doctor. There's no "2nd Doctor" or "10th Doctor" or "14th Doctor." they're all the same person. Just because someone gets clobbered on the head and wakes up from the resulting brain damage knowing fluent German doesn't mean they disappeared and a new person took their place. His brain gets a shake-up, and his appearance changes, but it's still the same person all together.

I think all the media hype about the actors playing the role, and this weird regeneration for the 60th, kind of make it hard to remember that. For the Doctor, it's one continuous line of consciousness. 10 didn't die and wake up again with 13's memories, because there is no 10, there is no 13, there is only The Doctor. We number their faces but they're one person.

And it's confirmed by what he said immediately after the regeneration. He didn't say, "I'm alive!" or "How did I get here?" or something along those lines. He said, "I know these teeth." He realises that he's reverted to an earlier form, but he hasn't forgotten the intervening forms.

It seems to change not just from writer to writer, but Doctor to Doctor. 9 didn't seem to think of his 'death' as the end by any stretch. 10 considered them different people that shared memories, while 11 seemed to see more continuity and connection from incarnation to incarnation. 12 similarly was refusing to regenerate because he wanted to end it, a pointless position unless he saw 'the next Doctor' as still being him. 13 seemed to lean more towards the individual incarnation view, as she felt in necessary to say goodbye to Yaz.

And this is just the Doctor, a single Time Lord. We've seen extremes from literal dissociation from incarnation to incarnation with the One through Union (aka the collective, but that’s due to their condition), to Romana trying on new faces line a human would a new outfit, or how the monk tries to act like their past selves are different people to shift the blame and get away free from the consequences, or how six was post-regen

I just really don't like the idea of them being separate people, which unfortunately does seem to be RTD's interpretation from 10's line of regeneration feeling like dying, and a new man sauntering away. To me that devalues the idea of the Doctor being the same person from 1963 until today. They're the same person, who have been through the events of every single episode, and remember them and all the companions there travelled with.

If they were different people, them meeting former companions just doesn't have the same weight either. 10 for example becomes someone who just knows of Sarah Jane instead of being the same person who travelled with her.

But that doesn't mean it can't still be confusing when an old face returns. It's something that's never happened to the Doctor before, and perhaps it's something that he's never heard of happening to other Timelords either. So when it does happen he's very confused because he immediately knows who this new version of himself is, instead of having to go through the usual self discovery at the start of each incarnation.

I remember from an audio story (I think Sirens of Time), one of the Doctors (i say DOCTORS because time travel) said something along the lines of this: Take every trait of their personality is like a bar graph. Kindness, courage, alienness, anger threshold, etc. each have their own bar on the graph. Each regeneration is essentially the same personality but the bars could be altered with some traits more emphasized in a new face than the previous one.

Some examples of what I mean.

10 and 11 are examples of the alienness trait being skewed in opposite directions, where I feel Smith is more alien-like in his physical behavior than Tennant is. 12 and 13 still have this trait but it’s viewed more subtly through social interactions.

6 and 12 were less on the kindness scale but increased over time. 10, 11, and 13 seemed to have that kindness trait more emphasized.

Anger threshold /emotional control can get thrown multiple ways if a respective Doctor is impulsive and expressive vs bottling it up and letting it simmer. I feel like there are many examples to pull from off this alone.

There could be more obvious ones I’m missing but these spring to mind. I do like this interpretation since it lets you know it’s the same person but just aspects can be more emphasized than others across their different incarnations.

I like to think it’s just the same person at different points in their life - hell, we aren’t the same person at 18 that we are in our 30’s, or even the same person we are in our 40’s that we were at 30.

Life changes you, sometimes you’re goofy, sometimes you’re callow, and sometimes you’re stern. In DW terminology: you’re a quirky thief, then a person who has to kill everything they know, and then you become a person capable of finding some solace in life… then to a whole new person.

From the doctor’s point of view I believe they think they are the same person, they don’t differentiate between selves. Think of 12 near his start when 11 phoned Clara, he says he didn’t need to eavesdrop because it was him talking and that she looks at him but can’t see him.

Now this doesn’t mean the doctor doesn’t remember the traits each regeneration has, and this can manifest in their subconscious as talking to their different regenerations; but that’s no different than you talking to yourself in your head.

like, it’s even implied 14 will eventually become 15

[atalana]

so i've been doing a doctor who rewatch with my flatmate, which is giving me whole new avenues to think about doctor who meta from

and i wanna talk about this moment

the dalek emperor asks "so prove yourself, doctor. what are you, coward or killer?"

and i think the full context of his response goes a little underappreciated

because especially if you know a lot about doctor who, this line seems fairly obvious. still poignant as hell, but we know the doctor, and we know he's the man who'd always make that choice, it's built into his very mythology

except this is nine

and the choice he's being offered is whether or not to use a weapon that will kill every living thing in its radius - it'll wipe out the daleks, but the range of it also includes the entire earth. you can finally stop the war, but you have to sacrifice a planet you've come to call home, and all of its people, in order to do so. and you'd better act fast, because the daleks are waging war right now, people are already dying - if you don't do something, they're going to wipe out the human race anyway

logically, he should. logically, he has to.

but this is a doctor who is fresh of the heels of making that same choice! he already did it! not too long ago, with his own world in the balance, he proved himself killer, once and for all. what's one more planet, compared to all that? one more planet, to prove it wasn't all worthless? if you let them go now, you killed your own people for nothing

i don't think he knew, until he got his hands on that trigger, what choice he would make. he was certainly planning to be able to do it. and it's not like he stopped being a soldier after the war, when he met that one lone dalek he did everything in his power to kill it, to make the war finally over, to make it worth it. nine doesn't want to be a killer, but he knows that he is. and he's proven it many times this season

until right now. staring down his worst enemy, his worst nightmare, knowing that if he acts with mercy here he'll condemn the universe to destruction, he does it anyway. throws everything aside to give the devil itself the kindness neither of them deserve

this isn't just the moment he declared himself the man who never would. this is the moment he became the man who never would

and time lord regeneration's a funny thing. same man, new man. same memories, new personality, new goals, new ideals. and sure, some aspects of that are random, but there's still a chain of connection. each new incarnation becomes who they are in response to how the last one ended. the 50th enjoyed going into the differences between ten and eleven, how eleven ran away from everything that the doctor was before, played up the childish and the trickster and never fully looked at all the horrors in their past, because ten couldn't help but take responsibility. he considered responsibility the only moral option, but at the end was still so angry that this weight never stopped dragging him down, that he could never make the selfish decision. the world isn't fair and i don't want it to end like this, i see so much of that in eleven

and that defining moment of nine's that birthed ten, that's right here

the man who never would is a line stolen directly from the doctor's daughter. ten is the doctor who holds up genocide as the worst crime someone can commit, no matter the circumstances. ten who will let a dalek go just to avoid causing another. ten who won't touch a weapon of any kind unless absolutely necessary. who doesn't even want to be in the same room as a gun. it all comes down to this moment, with nine against the end of everything, in the final hours of his life

handed an identical choice to the one that changed his life forever and saying never again.

[mamawasatesttube]

oh my god I need to tell you. so I. a while ago I did a whole bunch of research on touch starvation. and did you know babies literally die if they aren't touched and held. and did you know regular physical contact between a child and their caretakers is important for the child being able to self-regulate their emotions. and did you know that when someone hugs a child what happens is it syncs up their nervous systems. if the child is upset or scared their heart rate calms and they produce less stress hormones etc. and through that the child's body learns to do that on its own. so babies that die from lack of physical touch are literally dying of too much stress. and children who don't get enough touch can have problems like stunted growth, weak immune systems, low weight, and stunted mental and emotional development.

AND KON WAS GROWN IN A TUBE. HED NEVER EVER BEEN TOUCHED. AND THEN HE LIKE, ALMOST NEVER GOT TOUCHED IN A GOOD WAY

I mean granted, the scientists probably figured out a way to inject some kind of cocktail of hormones and chemicals to stimulate the physiological effects of touch so that kon developed properly but like. he never actually experienced it

Cadmus is like, we're gonna make a teenage clone in a test tube, this surely will not result in a kid so desperate for human connection that even terrible relationships will feel good to him

also I just think the first time kon got one of Martha or Jonathan's hugs he must have felt like he died and went to heaven. and at the same time felt really weird, like WHY DO I FEEL IT IN MY BONES WHY DO I WANT TO CRY

WAAAAHHHHH YEAH ABSOLUTELY YES YEAH DEFINITELY YES. touch-starved kon who doesn't even realize how desperate for human connection he is. this kills the man (me)

i just think if you put him in the middle of a group hug pile between ma, pa, and clark, he'd literally start bawling. he'd have no idea why and he'd be so embarrassed but he would just be so overwhelmed. because he has never had prolonged sustained physical affection in any healthy relationship before and he's only little and . AUGH!!!!!

incidentally the touch-starvation is part of why i think kon and bart are so so tactile especially with each other. "raised in a tube" and "raised in vr" both do not very much healthy human connection make. and bart's at least got his family around him but he still sees a kindred spirit in kon. so they will both simply snuggle even while bickering wildly about every topic under the sun just for bickering's sake. any and all friends are more than welcome to join the snugglepile; the toll is just that they have to put up with the konbart bickering game.

but god. god yeah. yeah it ruins me a little bit. he's just a little boy :( and he doesn't even know.

[mari-lair]

(the hanakou analysis: Here)

Thank you, Anon! That's an interesting question but a bit tricky to answer because I don't think Mitsuba needing to eat spirits to survive is comparable to Kou's trying to see Hanako as an evil spirit but I do want to talk about how Mitsuba's "exorcise me" moment have connection to Kou's journey with Hanako.

Before seeing how each relationship influences the other I wanna highlight their big differences, so bear with me.

Kou does not see Mitsuba as a threat, the 'he eat evil spirits to survive' reveal does not change that. Mitsuba goes out of his way to only eat supernaturals and Kou does not consider killing monstrous supernaturals as something 'evil'. He has seen Teru do it since he was a little kid, has seen Hanako do it to protect him, and even did it himself.

What makes Hanako be considered an evil spirit is that he is capable of murdering humans. Hanako can be genuinely dangerous, and so far, Kou had gotten no reason to believe Mitsuba is too.

Even if Mitsuba shows signs of being dangerous, Kou does not perceive Mitsuba as a supernatural nearly as much as he does Hanako, spending a good portion of the manga confusing him with Sousuke the human, and treating him like someone he wants to get close to, not judge.

Mitsuba is, first and foremost, someone Kou is desperate to be of use to, not very related to his identity as an exorcist.

If Hanako is the one he relies on. Mitsuba is the one in need of his help. Kou's role of being Mitsuba's guide is self-assigned, present even before the supernatural was born, all the way to when he interacted with Sousuke's ghost.

Kou failed Sousuke and Mitsuba many times, so his inclination to help him became a need. As the people he trust seem to not take him seriously he grows desperate for Mitsuba to rely on him.

So Mitsuba saying he wants to be exorcised is a spit in his face. He does not care about how inhuman eating demons is when Mitsuba is basically saying "I don't want to rely on you, I don't believe you can make my dream come true. I give up"

He is angry and frustrated. He wholeheartedly rejects the idea not even Mitsuba needs him. He does care about Mitsuba and doesn't want him to die, but he is also blinded by frustration that even the person he had been sure only had him to count on considers Kou a second option.

Even after he realizes Mitsuba is able to hurt human beings he does not focus on the new information, he does not care about 'how dangerous this supernatural is', his issue with the situation is still not being trusted. Not being needed.

Mitsuba had even commented it would have 'been quicker' if it was Teru who got there to kill him. As if even for giving up, Kou is not the first option.

It makes him feel lonely and incompetent.

The thing that makes him stop being angry is when Mitsuba, who saw him cry like a baby, still says "I am glad I came to see you" he was not disappointed by Kou

It grabs his attention, it soothes his insecurities a little.

But Kou's reaction gets interesting here:

Kou doesn't deny his claim that "you would be sorry to see me go, the same way you would for anybody."

What Mitsuba said here hits hard, because it makes him think of Hanako.

Even when faced with a cruel version of Hanako in the red house, Kou was frozen, aware he can't exorcise him.

Kou run away from every single wish in the red house, but killing Hanako is the only wish that makes him hide behind his hands. He does not want to think about it. He does not want to face the possibility he may need to kill Hanako.

So he can't argue with Mitsuba.

And that makes him angry because exorcising Hanako does not mean the same as exorcising Mitsuba. For Hanako dying is not giving up on a dream, it is a reward, something he craves. Or at least, that's what Hanako consistently tells Kou.

Hanako's beliefs go against Kou's beliefs. This is the one thing Hanako constantly tries to 'teach' him, that Kou refuses to accept.

It is also the only thing Hanako has ever shown to want besides saving Nene. It is important to Hanako, Kou can understand that much. So when the ghost say "I look forward for when you exorcise me." it is a huge show of trust, of expectations.

Hanako only ever explicitly trusted Kou to help with two things: protecting Nene and exorcising him. He seems to be under the impression Hanako no longer trusts him to be of help to Nene, since the supernatural did not share his plans about the severance or trapping Nene in Mei's canvas, and that hurts.

He can't mess up Hanako's hopes of being exorcised too.

He doesn't want to disappoint Hanako again. There is a reason Hanako's asked Kou to kill him in the house the show you your wishes.

Is no wonder that when Mitsuba makes Kou remember Hanako his view on the situation changes, he considers Mitsuba's nature as a supernatural more carefully instead of dismissing his behavior as the personal attack he had thought it was.

The idea that Mitsuba may share Hanako's view on being exorcised is so frustrating to Kou. He fucking hates it, but he is more willing to think about it instead of dismissing his wish with to die with all the grace of a heart shoved in his mouth.

When he does a competition and claims he will exorcise Mitsuba if he wins, he feels more... Detached than usual. Even if he is visibly troubled.

It feels like a more raw version of when he is trying to convince himself Hanako is a threat that should be exorcised, telling Nene of all people this:

Which makes me believe that deep down a part of him wants her to convince him otherwise. Make him believe that Hanako is not an evil spirit he needs to exorcise. But she can't do it.

Kou does not want to exorcise either ghost but Hanako is dangerous, and Mitsuba no longer believes he can be human. So both ghosts force him to think about exorcism.

Mitsuba claim Kou wouldn't have exorcised him even if he had won and that is true. Even if Kou is serious about it, he doesn't have it in him to go through with it and kill Mitsuba.

All he can do is to think about it.

I find that neat.

[thebottomfromhell]

I want some angst. How about the Superior Moons kill him for a certain reason and go on with their lives normally, but finding themselves unable to escape of your "ghost". Little things they saw or did reminded them of you and that started to torment them, turning into sadness and longing, although like demons it was very likely that they didn't quite understand these feelings. Preference for human and male readers, but can be gender neutral too

We want some angst! I'm very sorry of how late this came, I really hope I can make up for the time. It was a long and busy week.... also, I hope everyone had a nice Halloween! Thanks for everything and let's see if you enjoy this work.

Uppermoons facing the "ghosts" of dead Human Male Reader

Warnings: Angst, Manga spoilers, Cannibalism, Literally dead reader, Self-harm, Self-steem/self-worth issues, Unhealty dependency, Suicidal thoughts, Suicide, Eating disorders, Character with PTSD, Character with paranoia, Emotionally stunted character,

Gyutaro (ft. Daki):

This wasn't supposed to happen, you were not supposed to die! He just... forgot how fragile you can be and how aggresive Daki can get, ok? Ok, he forgot. He forgot and that costed you your life.... fuck! He should have done something! Said something! Protected you! Kept your mouth shut! Anything! "Onii-chan?" She doesn't have any blood on her as he focus his gaze as his own blood heals (he is scratching his face, there as pieces of skin missing and a lot of blood), of course she wouldn't. Daki didn't like you that much, to her you where just some random guy trying to steal her big brother away. You were too proud to actually try and get along with her, you didn't like her much neither. "Are you ok?"

He can se your death in her, and he loathes it but... "Let me hug you.... ne..." he just smiles as she open her arms to recieve her onii-chan as Gyutaro butries his face on her shoulder, not minding that his blood is falling into her as he heals. It's her blood as well (she thinks remembers that much). Gyutaro always chose her over you and there is not even the choice right now, so.... and even if it wasn't the case, she is first.

Because you would have left anyway, was it because Gyutaro is nothing but an ugly freak or dying as a human. You would leave, you left, and it's because of him. Meanwhile Daki won't, can't leave. "I'm so sorry.... little sister... my little sister.... that you have such a pathetic excuse of a brother...." he hugs her tight as he whispers, not crying but needing to feel she is there, that she is safe, that is is happy. "Wha- No! Onii-chan is the best! You are the best big brother ever!" No, he is not. He failed her before, just like he failed you. He is nothing but a failure to others.

He is completely sure most people would be better if he never existed at all, but most of them are people he doesn't care about so he doesn't mind, let their lives be worse. But.... would Daki be better if he was not her onii-chan? You definetely would have been better off if you had never met him.... he should have let his mother kill him.

Gyokko:

You had a really bad taste from time to time, you know? He really tried to teach you how to correct it, but... you were a mere human. A handsome man, with an attitude Gyokko switched into hating and loving, but still a human. He should have known from the start to not get his hopes on you, he only ever wasted his precious time and effort on your but you have also tainted his art. Now in his times of creation he can't fully concentrate, the lessons he gave still imprinted in his mind! Every time he tries to connect with the sublime feeling a memory of you awakes! How is he supposed- fuck it! Let's just speak normaly.

You did a number on him, and Gyokko doesn't like that. What what else is there left to do? He already killed you, your guts are in a pot right now. He would get rid of them but he has been just adoring the taste so far, too bad he really can't get more from where those came from. That would be an interesting concept for a work of art, too bad it would only work on demons. Maybe he should have turned you into a demon instead of killing you, but you were so offensive to hi- HERE YOU GO AGAIN! YOU DON'T LET HIM CONCENTRATE!

Why can't you just leave like the rest? You keep pestering and pestering even after dying. This is why he killed you. But one day he will move on, until then... well, it's his own business.

Hantengu:

It wasn't him... it wasn't him, please believe it wasn't him! It's not his fault, he is innocent! Those are false accusations! False! .... But nobody is accusing Hantengu of anything. He is just.... it just wasn't him, ok? Don't mind that he is lying please, just believe it wasn't him. He wouldn't have killed you if you had believed it, but you didn't and NOW YOU ARE DEAD!! He can't take it! It's too much! Too much for him! Tiny and pathetic, defenseless against those villains! Those villains are to blame!

You are not coming back, though... are you? Not that he did anything but you are not mad at him, right? You would not become an onryō and take revenge, right? You love him too much for that! Probably... so it's just his imagination. Things just look like you, that it's why shadows have your face! The clones say there is nothing there, that he is just nostalgic, melancholic, maybe even guilty. They just don't get it! You are there!

He is constantly in a panic, trying to scape, trying to deny, "pl-pl-please leave me alone!" He crys and sobs when you are not there, yet... you are everywhere. The clones don't believe it so they can't protect him! Someone help him! You can't do it anymore... because Hantengu killed you.

Sekido:

You were the one to cross the line first, that is what Sekido tells himself. You made him angry, of course he was bound to react! You didn't make sure to have the other clones as back up! (Where the fuck was Karaku?! He is the one to take the bad end in those situations!) You were to one to insist, and insist, and insist in your argument of "I wAnT tO sTaY a HuMaN!" Look how well that ended, since you died a human! You should have just let Sekido turn you!

He is always angry, always violent. You knew that, said you loved hin for that but it seems you did all you could to deny yourself that Sekido could hurt you. THIS IS SO IRRITATING! You are- were a mere man, how DARE you go against him and think that just because he liked you a little you would get a free pass in surviving Upper 4?! That was so idiotic it infuriates him! "SHUT THE FUCK UP, Y/N!" He turns around to find Karaku, corcened for the other clone. Pleasure doesn't say anhthing, clearly contemplating if he should try and comfort Sekido, leave him be or tease him, last one is very tempting. You would know, you also liked to tease Sekido, and a lot.

Sekido uses his staff to attack Karaku, angry that his sole presence is reminding him of you, that he lost you. The anger is almost consuming him, to the point tears appear in his eyes as his face becomes red. He hates it! Just ehy did you have to be so stupid?! Why did he have to love you?! "Fucking.... WHY ARE YOU SO INFURIATING?!" His chest aches and he can only let the anger get the best of him, that is how he is built, after all. Maybe it was bound to happen, and it makes him cry.

Karaku:

You liked to stargaze a lot, it was of the few activities you could both do together any time. Most of the time you fell asleep, tired of whatever you did once the sun came up. Karaku always asked but barely did any effort to keep the information in his head, why would he? It was a world he was never part of. But he knew you, besides not knowing who you were under the sun, he knew the man you were under the moon and the stars. He likes that man a lot.

He tries not to feel guilty of your death, it was an accident, after all. He was fighting off some slayers and overdid it with his attack, making some trees fall over you. Humans are so easy to break, he always had to be way to careful with you. So he is more delicate with things on average now, so the won't break the same way you did. He doesn't like being careful, but it helps. He wonders where you are, he heard some people once say people go.... up. Whatever that means

Are you in the stars he is looking at? Can you see him? Karaku feels he can see you, so he will jeep coming back for you. "Are you that star? Shines more than the rest. I bet you are there." He is pleasure. He is not meant to be sad, or angry, or frustrated, or mourning, or... or anything that is not pleasurable. So... he keeps getting pleasure from you, in some way. "You better be dedicating it to me."

Urogi:

Urogi molts a lot, and that is not normal. He only ever does it when he is stressed, before that meant whenever was a fight between the clones or their master showed sights of being dissapointed or to show aggression, but now? He is doing it from start to end whenever he separates from the rest, leaving the others extremely concerned. Feathers fall off like leaves of a tree in autumn as they keep groing back, Urogi scratches himself way too much, not only ripping them off but irritating the skin and sometimes even causing wounds. If it wasn't because of his regeneration he would definetely look like those caged birds, almost featherless and and sore red, tensed up.

"Y/N! Y/N! Y/N! Please Y/N! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" He is joy, he is not supposed to be like this. He is not supposed to cry, whine and beg like a pet that misses it's owner, but he misses you. He misses you a lot. He can't even look at himself without remembering you, because he can no longer feel you, smell you, see you or touch you. It was an accident, and he feels extremely guilty for it. He knew you could not keep up with him, that you could not stand him playing rough. He doesn't know why he did it, he got way too excited and suddenly... you were bleeding out. Urogi tried to help, but you had already lost too much blood by the time he got you to some human place.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! Y/N! Y/N! Please come back! Please come back!" He keeps scratching himself, blood falling off his wings and wrists as it dries when the wounds heal, skin still irritated against the constant friction as he lies on to of the group of feathers that also start to cover him. You also liked his feathers a lot, just like he liked you a lot. He is basically waiting for to to pick him up, even if he knows you will never come back. "Y/N! Y/N! Please!"

Aizetsu:

He was always sad, is always sad. He is used to it, besides he doesn't come out that often. Sekido is a lot less careless than Karaku with his neck, and most of the time the those two are more than enough to deal with anything. Aizetsu doesn't like to come out, to work, to fight. You were one of the very few things that made him want to be separated from the others, he was not able to skiot his duties as Upper 4, but he always adored your company. Than you got in the way in a fight, and not only that, you got injured, and badly. One didn't need the knowledge he had of the human body to know you would not survive, and killing you quick instead of letting you agonize would be the most merciful thing to do. He knew exactly where to strike to make it painless, and he did it for you.

He can't bring himself to regret it, it was for the best, but that doesn't change the fact that he is disliking a lot more than he used to being outside. It's just sad. Sometimes he wonders why he isn't a "crybaby" or something, he just... doesn't cry, can't bring himself to do so, even for you. He doesn't know if it's because his body is so deppresingly tired or if it's his demon nature, but he is not one of those people who constantly cry, even is he constantly feel the need to express sadness.

"Y/N.... are you better in there?" He asks in the sky knowing there won't be an answer, the outside reminds him of you, even if now it feels... a little bit more empty than before. "I really hope you are." He misses you dearly, and he won't ever deny that. He wants you, but men like yourself are not meant to be forever around demons. You are meant to be free, he is not. That is sad.

Nakime:

Nakime is a quiet person, you were never as silent as her. It's weird to be back at the spaces empty of any sound, even your breathing made a noise she could detect, louder than hers, it took her a while to get used to it. Now, it seems it will also take her a while to get used of it being gone. She never thought she would miss a man, much less a human one, specially after she was the one who killed you. Well, it was not really her, but she is still responsible, since she should have known better than to let you wonder through the castle. Why didn't you tell her so she could keep an eye on you.

Nakime is a demon with a power than is above time and space, she didn't realize you got lost for long enough time for it to be unhealthy. She found you before you died, but the lack of food, water and sun made you sick, and that eventually kicked in. Why are humans so weak? Se doesn't remember being that fragile before she was turned, but again, she doesn't remember much about it.

Now the silence reminds her that you are gone for good, and she doesn't know what to do about it, since she doesn't have it inside her to fill it with anything that are not the cords that should have saved you. Another reminder. Then again, she will be ok. She lost her husband once she can get over another man in her life. She will get over it.

Akaza:

He didn't want to... but why? Just why? He tried to save you. Akaza barely remembers what happened, just that you were kissing and suddenly biting into each other and your scent, the one of your blood was so good, he couldn't help but have a taste. He has been so hungry! He already wasn't a glutton demon, but after meeting you he just... ate less. He ignored his master anger and disapproval in order to gain yours, to show he was not a monster, no matter how painful it became (Akaza suspects he has been manually making it worse as a punishment), he fasted. (Akaza already did fast from time to time as a buddhist, but extending the time periods did harm him).

Now he is not eating at all, he can't. Before he just could not eat women, they didn't do it, she was just a maid, how was Hakuji not supposed to let her go? But now? Now he can't eat men neither. The masculine scent, the high levels of testosterone, the blood... it ends up being you! It's always you! He can't it no matter how hard he tries to swallow- it hurts! But you being dead hurts even more than the angry twists in his stomach, and he is getting weaker. He needs to eat but he can't.

Why has Muzan-sama not killed him already? Did he enjoy seeing Akaza like this? A crying mess that only awaits for death? Because he wants to die. He doesn't care anymore, he WANTS TO DIE! Let him go back, let him go back! "Please... please, I beg you. Just kill me. Just kill me! KILL ME RIGHT NOW! I DON'T WANT THIS LIFE! I DON'T WANT A LIFE THEY ALL LEFT ME BEHIND!" He screams and sobs as he lies down on the ground, exposed. No swordsman comes in, they are all dead. No oddly optimistic adult hitting him until he calms down, he is also dead. No soft girl trying to make him feel better, she also died. Not even you, because he killed you.

Times passes, is the sun coming out. He feels like dying, he really feels like dying right now. Is the sun coming up? It doesn't even matter, is a matter of time. And as always, death comes by a whisper "Kibutsuji Muzan."

Douma:

Sometimes, just sometimes, Douma misses talking to you. But good things got to end sooner or later, don't they? And this ways, you will be always part of him, living forever inside. He had to find new ways to entertain himself at first, after he killed you, but it was nothing he couldn't handle. Just a bit of boredom! Everyday he finds new ways to entertain himself, might as well go to see what other Uppermoons are doing. If he is lucky he might even find Akaza-dono! Akaza-dono is always fun to be with, is the only one that doesn't try to scape him or outright ignore him, he is the closest thing he ever had to an equal. Yes, thinking about him is making think a bit less about you, should definetely give it a try.

Why does he things about you and his chest feels uncomfortable would be odd if it hadn't happened before. He has told you, shared that detail with you. You were a guy he could tell anything too, instead of just the other way around (that is probably why he misses you so much), so ofcourse you knew about Kotoha! Though, you seemed to dislike having Douma talking about for too long, you did your best to hide it, but he knew. How funny that you are now it the same situation then! Except he ate you for different reasons, you got too hurt by another demon a night you were outside, but you were just so hurt. Really bad, he just had to end your suffering, he did not like seeing you like that....

"I'm heading out tonight, thank you! I will be back in time to meet my followers, bye!" He tells a servant who knows, his parents served him too, got to see him grow up into an old man. Douma never got attached to him or his parents, just like he never got attached to his own parents, or any rollower at all... well, that is not true! You, Kotoha and to a lesser extent Inosuke have craved yourself a place in his mind, never leaving at all, following him 24/7, causing preassure in his chest. It's annoying. "Now, whe could Akaza-dono be today? Or maybe I can just visit the siblings! I know exactly where those are!" Douma will live, though. Same as always.

Kokushibou:

Get out of his head.... GET OUT OF HIS HEAD! YOU HAVE NO PLACE AMONG THE LIVING ANYMORE, IF HE CAN BE CONSIDERED LIVING, YOU ARE DEAD! And a dead man should always stay dead! He can't even look at his Katana without seeing your reflection in it! GET OUT! He hates it, he hastes how the death of a human is affecting him this much, he heates that he can't forget anything of you. What is he? A lovesick maiden? Damn it, why did that come to his head. You always used to call him a "fair and shy maiden", joking that you were his destinied gentleman. AS IF! NOT ONCE YOU EVER FIT INTO THE STANDARDS OF THE GENTRY!

He hates you. It's your fault! Why did you die?! What did you think was going to happen if you wore Hanafuda earings?! That he would like them?! That he would feel nice! He TOLD you several times the Hanafuda earings were nothing to mess with, that it was a past he didn't want to share. Was that your way to try and make him tell you? Tell you about a freak of a twin brother who was the strongests withojt even trying?! Brother that was better than him in every way?! Bother that now is DEAD and Michikatsu Kokushibou never had a chance?! Well, NOW YOU WILL NEVER KNOW!

"Why did you have to be just like him? I hate you both." He speaks out loud. He hates you. He hates Yoriichi. He hates himself.... you deserved it and he will forget you. Sooner or later he will have to fully forget you both. He has time enough for that. He should just focus, and practice with the katas. "Hachi no kata...." And best you all.

[dirtytransmasc]

Ooh what about a Snow White Spider au where he was instead Raised by the animals of Pandora. Idk how he would have gotten separated from everyone but just love the idea of a Jungle Book, Mowgli situation. Just a little baby feral(even more so here)Eywa blessed Spider. 💕💕

TW - pregnancy, childbirth, death, etc. sorta did that here but she only adopts him when he was 8. so it would be a little different right form the get go, and by get go, I mean right after he was born.

lets say that paz tried to flee when she found out about the suicide mission to attack hometree and wanted nothing to do with it, maybe she finally came to her sense and fleed to eywa, to jake and the few other humans on the na'vi side, hoping for some sort of asylum. maybe she just wanted her son to have a chance. maybe she was just fleeing to flee, self-preservation overriding any sort of thought or logic. whatever the case, she flees out into the forest, hoping, praying, begging whoever will listen to save her child.

eywa listens. maybe for her sake, maybe for the childs, maybe just out of curiosity. but she listens.

she watches Paz struggle to birth her child, screaming "it's too early" all the while. eywa can feel her fear, can tell she's scared and doesn't know what to do. she watches as paz gives her all into it and still teeter on the verge of failure, of killing herself and her child, and assists her, connecting to the women through her roots. paz would think she was tripping, but really it was just eywa, one mother helping another.

when the baby is finally born, which was no easy task, even for the Great Mother herself, paz worries he won't be able to breathe. but eywa already had it handled. spider cries, loud, beautiful cries, drawing the attention of all the flora and fauna in the area. a viperwolf watching the pair from a ridge, not lurking a target, but rather curious of the small thing wrapped in his mother's arms. paz wants to scare it away but finds herself too weak to do so, and then a surge of clam fills her, Eywa telling her it will all be ok.

paz can feel herself dying, some complication or another, she was a high-risk pregnancy to begin with, and she had just delivered early in the middle of the damn forest after running god knows how many miles. while she would rather not die, leaving her premature son alone in these woods, she isn't surprised. instinct makes her want to beg, but as she slumps against the mossy tree trunk she propped herself against, she feels oddly ok with it. again, for the record, does not want to die, but she has this gut feeling her baby will be ok.

she wraps him in her military-issue jacket and holds him for as long as she can. she brushes a finger over his little nose and lets him hold onto her little finger with his entire tiny hand. she prays for her child, despite never having been religious. when she feels herself being on the last few steps of the stairway to heaven, she places spider next to her, so she doesn't risk dropping him.

the las thting she see's is that viperwolf approaching her, calmly, looking back to her cubs half hidden don't he ridge she stood on before. they look each other in the eye, and paz knows, against all rational thought, the way a mother knows, somehow, some way, things will be fine. she lets go, she goes to eywa, leaving her son behind. she was right. eywa was gonna look out for the little one.

~~~

spider was hidden away from the war by viperwolves; they were best inept for handling him so young, so tiny. they hid him in their burrows, amongst their other young, and the whole pack would watch after him. they made sure he was clean and fed, much like Lupa had Romulus and Remus back in old earth tales (an old roman/italian myth, look it up). even as he began to walk and explore, they kept him well away from the na'vi, upon eywa's orders. spider wouldn't be safe there, not yet at least, not till he could hold his own. he wouldn't be accepted, not in a way that would be any good for him. so she would keep him out in the forests, away from anyone who could think of hurting him.

he was raised by all the creatures of the forest how to survive, how to stalk pray and hunt, how to find shelter, how to find clean water. he picked up habits of each creature.

he kept to packs like viperwolves, but hunted alone like thanators. he was closely bonded to the herds of titanothere's that roamed the woods and learn to be a gentle 'giant'.he got his speed and agility from slintsh, watching how they raced through the tree tops with grace, learning to copy them, if even at a fraction of the speed.

once she accepted spider would have to be aware of other na'vi, for his sake, she started connecting to him, not for comfort, but to teach him. she started teaching him language and songs (not of the creatures he considered family, but of the na'vi themselves). she taught him most basic concepts in the form she had taken to appear visible to the child. she told him of his mother, how she was a good women, at least in the end, how she was a good person caught up i bad thing. they talked about what they meant, what spider felt that it meant about her. he didn't know. he wanted to hate her, for his his Mother, for hurting pandora, but also pity, because she was forced, in some ways. he would meet her one day, when he was ready, Eywa knew the day was coming, as he asked more and more questions. that was ok, little bird had to fly the nest one day. even if she hated the idea.

spider was aware of the world out there, was allowed to venture towards it, around 13 or so, but he chose to be cautious. Eywa said there was nothing to fear, not now at least, but he didn't want to approach this unknown world. he did venture closer, stalking up in the trees and watching hunters go about their days, children playing. one day he met kiri, who kept his secret after many desperate pleas. she called him odd, said the way he walked, almost bipedal was strange, and the way he made sounds rather than words more often, or how he didn't know what fire was. spider said that was the way things should be done. she didn't disagree, just smiled at him, copying his actions every now and then.

spider had a lot of little quirks. he tipped and chirped and almost barked, imitating to the best of his ability the sounds of the creatures that raised him. he could walk 'normally' but found it easier to crouch and use his hands. he didn't hunt with a knife or a bow and arrow, instead used primitive stones and teeth, long shards of bone, and ate his foods raw. his skin was rough, not only from the sun and heavy use, but because he caked himself with dirt to make it more durable, avoid sunburn and bugs, and to better blend in. not to mention his naturally primitive way of living; sleeping up in the highest branches of trees, with nothing but the loincloth eywa forced him to make and start wearing when he was first capable of doing so.

thats not to mention he shock when he named most animals in his territory, when he was friendly with all fo them, when he could ride the apex predator of the forest and considered vipewolves to be his family.

when kiri would leave, promsing to tell no one, he would go to eywa and ask about the na'vi. she would share stories with him, even have him meet ancestors, like tsu'tey and eytukan, who he really liked. he also met kiri's mom, grace, another human. she taught him a lot about who he was, what it meant that he was human; but she also shared her fascination, a human boy raised by 'wolves', was the greatest of revelations.

one day spider would venture into the village, after months of getting to know kiri and eventually lo'ak and finally neteyam before he got ratted out by a hunter sent to find out where he children of the chief were hiding away. he would stand in front of jake and tell him Eywa was his mother, just like the viperwolves and the titantheres, and a woman named paz who was a good person and did bad things without knowing just how bad they were. jake would stare in shock at this wild child with golden hair and dirt roughened skin, would listen to his stories, follow him out into the woods and find they were all true. spider would refuse to stay in the village, but would quickly take to his new life; the boy who came and left as he pleased, who was the marker of a whole new chapter of the na'vi people.

[nanomooselet]

Little but Fierce VIII

Knives is totally dismissive of Meryl. He acknowledges she exists all of three times.

Once in Vash's memories, to delete her from them; once as he's piercing the Core, to call her a parasite and dismiss her attempts to get Vash to wake up; and once to try and violently kill her because... she succeeded in waking Vash up.

Whoops.

I listed all those statements that Knives claimed to be the truth; now here's everything that I believe proves them false.

Vash is pretty, but he's useless without his brother.

Vash does not need his brother. He loves him - of course he does. He wants to save him. But he's never needed him. Rem was the one he relied on for support, and after her death, Vash was too afraid of Nai to give him that kind of trust. He's spent decades surviving away from him, something Knives simply will not acknowledge. He tries to remove Vash's autonomy because as long as he has it, Vash is at risk of abandoning him again, just as Rem did.

Remember that once Knives initiated the memory retrieval process, Dr. Conrad warned Meryl that breaking that connection would kill Vash? Knives made Vash need him, made him dependent. That's his idea of making Vash perfect.

He's a powerless, weak, pathetically naïve, blubberingly sentimental little baby who doesn't care about the Plants, too busy enabling humanity's abuse via performing his cringing, grasping abasement before them to notice how his brethren suffer.

Knives developed his powers first. But Vash's powers are greater. He can do everything a normal Plant can do; he can also do much more, and he's such a wonderful, kind and compassionate man, with amazing reserves of emotional strength. Knives wouldn't have had to try and subjugate him otherwise.

Vash personally talks to the Plants, cares for them, soothes their pain. And he's been doing that not just to help them, but to help the humans panicking because if the Plants died, so too would they. He spent years travelling between crash sites helping Plants and teaching humans to take care of them, assuming an authoritative role even as a little boy, and if he hadn't figured out he could do that, he would almost certainly have killed himself. Remember he finally made the choice to live in order to save a dying Plant, not a human - dying because the environment was incompatible. You know, because they'd all been crashed on a desert planet. Certainly many Plants are still suffering. Because Vash is the only one doing this. He can't rest or delegate. It has to be him alone; it all depends upon him.

And Knives has been too busy playing his stupid piano to take any notice. And having other people do things for him. Oh, and making it damn near impossible for Vash to do what he does, partly because Vash has been convinced he bears all the responsibility and accepts the punishment himself. It's incredible he's held up even as well as he has.

If Knives is even aware Vash can heal Plants, he likely wouldn't care, because he views Plants in dependent form as imperfect, the same way he has contempt for Vash's fondness for eating. When Vash tried to talk to him about the needs of the other Plants based on his own direct experience, Knives didn't just shut him down by calling what Rem said a lie, he started mocking Vash's grief over her death, complaining that she inconvenienced him. He isn't interested in an alternative. His is the only way. It always has to be his way; that's been reflected in all his abuse.

Knives himself is the more powerful (and much less human-like) of the twins; the strongest and most righteous activist for necessary change now that, sadly despite all good faith attempts at communication, non-violent solutions have failed.

Remember Zazie, Elendira and Vash himself all have said don't judge by appearances. Yeah, Knives's colouration makes him look a bit more like the dependents than Vash does. That doesn't mean he's less human.

When he first started using his chosen name, Knives was doing nothing to help his brethren in the wake of the Fall. All he did was retaliate against humans and obsess over Vash. He bet everything on being able to carry out his plans using his brother's power. He didn't bother to communicate with any human other than Dr. Conrad. Seriously, count how many humans he addresses directly in the series. The total shrinks to one if you leave out those he doesn't immediately try to kill.

As for the "less human-like" part...

Dr. Conrad and Knives believe a soul is what gives a Plant free will, makes an Independent. Knives is referred to as an angel, and as perfect.

But angels don't have souls, so much as they are souls - they're beings of spirit, not matter. Humans are the ones who have both souls and material bodies. The dependents are in their tanks because their bodies can't survive outside of them. What makes Vash and Knives what they are isn't a soul. It's their humanity.

Thus I simply can't take the idea that Knives is "perfect" at face value. I stand by the assertion that Knives, in defining all humanity as selfish and greedy parasites, inadvertently exposes how human he is himself.

He truly has only the best and most altruistic intentions: the freedom of his people, and the happiness of his brother.

Look at what he did to Vash. The only other member of his kind he knows to be a person, and he chained and silenced him. Look at how often Knives is around dying Plants, dying because of the situation he forced them into. Do you believe it?

I don't. I find no truth in his words. I can count on one hand the moments I think he's being honest about anything. And I'd like this to be kept in mind as I continue.

I said before that the series seems mostly to take on Knives's point of view, and it's worth also keeping that in mind - especially when you remember the Punisher was Knives's chosen, custom-tailored agent. A gift. He was the one Knives obviously expected would become Vash's chief emotional support; all the better to kick it out from under him. After all, his brother is the one Vash truly loves; the brother who is a weapon, a punisher of human sin, who's done all he's done for his family. Who better to bring Vash home than an imperfect replacement, reminding him of what it was in his life that's been absent for so long? His human inadequacy would add strength to Knives's argument. And so focus goes to Wolfwood, showing how being forced to take on this role has made him suffer. He is, literally, pivotal; his backstory and conflict is revealed and resolved in 6/7, the midpoint of the series.

Naturally, it just demonstrates all the ways Wolfwood isn't like Knives, and that Vash never needed his help. Wolfwood is the one saved by Vash, not the other way round.

So… because Knives was so focused on Wolfwood and what he would mean to Vash, he never once thought Meryl mattered, not to Vash and not to the Plants and not to the world at large. She's a parasite, nothing more. There's no way some silly officious little womanchild with no weapons or powers could mean anything.

Right up until the moment she did, and he promotes her instantly, all the way from insignificant to tango primary.

Meryl in his mind goes from insect he can't be bothered to swat to an ideological threat on the level of Rem Saverem, and he starts shrieking denials that she's beaten him. And remember that I said you should believe the opposite of whatever he says?

She has.

Because she loves Vash. (Platonic or romantic as usual doesn't matter.) She's chosen to follow him even to the edge of reality. Though she found Vash frustrating, she didn't try to change him, nor does she need or want anything from him. She saw how much strength he had, what he could do if someone just had faith. When Vash declares I won't stop until they believe in me, he can draw hope from the assurance that Meryl already does. And unlike Rem, Luida, Rosa - Knives can't do jack-shit about it.

And Vash, in turn, has deep appreciation for her support. She tied him up all the way back in ep 1 - which I called "laying a claim" - and here Vash reciprocates, binding them together. She's lent him her agency, her independence, and she didn't have to resort to anything like the grotesque extremes Knives did. It required no more or less from her than unyielding love - an ordinary human's love. Just like Rem. Thank you, Meryl. I heard her voice through you.

Her love is rooted in seeking and embracing the hard truth rather than shoring up a comforting lie. When Vash starts to break free of Knives's illusion, it's by holding to the truth - it was Rem who promised to protect him, not Nai. Nai isn't an innocent little boy anymore but monster of metal chains and blades, something Vash has every reason to run from. Rem loves Vash no matter what's been done to him, and Knives cannot kill her as long as she remains alive in him. Knives is too frightened to face the truth, regards it with so much terror he tries to flee back into the ignorance of the childhood before he learned it. In contrast, Meryl's courage and conviction, her dedication to seeking and spreading truth, is so strong in her they steel that which is within those surrounding her; Roberto, Wolfwood, even in Vash. She may be small, but her power is sufficient.

Never ever overlook Meryl motherfucking Stryfe. That's a mistake so great it can see a man go from the threshold of victory to on fire.

And I'm still not done talking about her. One more instalment.

Part I

Part II

Part III

Part IV

Part V

Part VI

Part VII

Part IX

[cursedvibes]

Hi..... Can I ask your top 5 (or top 3) favorite characters from JJK? And why you loved them? And your top 5 favorite moments from the series (until now)? Thanks....

No problem. It gives me a great excuse to whip out this image of my top 9 jjk faves

They're not in order here, but compared to other categories, I don't actually have such a hard time ranking characters.

Kenjaku

I've talked about them a bunch, most recently on the last ask about my favourite characters, so I'll just summarize what I love about them: mad scientist + family drama + trans + chill & genre-savvy + Japanese history + body snatcher

2. Yuuji

Also like him for how he's a pretty unusual shonen protagonist. He's not overpowered, he doesn't want to become the jujutsu king/kage/president and almost every shonen mc trope he does exhibit gets punished or beaten out of him. He nontheless doesn't lose his base compassion for people. That compassion is also what will drive him to kill if he has to, something for the few people he actually hates. He's selfless to the point of suicidal. His whole character arc(s) revolves around him finding a satisfying way to die and now being forced to also find a satisfying reason to live (with how jjk is going, I don't think he'll find that but he's not able to die either). His conflicts with the villains are deeply personal, he doesn't just challenge them on the basis of them breaking the law or being some nebulous depiction of a bad person. That's how it starts out, but he can't beat them on that basis alone. He was only able to really hurt Mahito and defeat him after he accepted their personal connection and similarities.

3. Tengen

Problematic conservative grandma. She's really the root of all of the problems in jujutsu society, she's the one who build up the entire basis of the series from world building to the antagonists. Without her Kenjaku wouldn't be who they are right now, they would likely not try to challenge the system and forcefully advance humanity in the way they do and might even be dead for hundreds of years. Gojo wouldn't exist without her either. Riko wouldn't either and she also wouldn't have died the way she did. Same for Yuki. Sukuna might largely be influenced by her as well. She's responsible for so much of what's happening in the series, but gets all too easily overlooked both in-universe and outside. Her whole backstory is so fascinating, her relationship to Kenjaku drives me crazy and I do find her stubborn, kinda grumpy personality quite charming. Also gnc as fuck.

4. Uraume

While in Sukuna's case I really care more about his backstory than him as a person and find his personality not that exciting, it's the opposite for Uraume. I do want that Heian flashback and also see where Uraume came from and how they met Sukuna, but what I really like about them is their personality. At first glance they appear so calm and collected, just a loyal servant without much autonomy, but they're actually so much more. There's so much passion in them, they are so easy to tick off and always ready for violence. Especially in combination with Kenjaku they are so entertaining. I need to see them cook more often. Preferably human. That brief glimpse we got when they prepared Sukuna's bath was so good. The way they pinned down and sliced up those curses without destroying them...I want to see them do the same with humans.

5. Angel

Heian era's craziest paladin. I just love how hypocritical and bloodthirsty she is. She has her sense of justice and right and wrong, she doesn't pretend like everyone has to agree with it, but she will still mercilessly kill everyone in her way or who she just doesn't like for one reason or another. If Kenjaku is a social butterfly, she's a social caterpillar. I miss her just blatently telling the protagonists that she doesn't care about their goals or innocent people dying. She must have been wonderful to witness in politics. I'm really curious how her relationship to the Abe clan looked liked. It's such a shame that all that got toned down, so Sukuna didn't get one-shotted and Gojo could be freed. The volume 24 extra show though that Gege does care about her or at least her technique, giving me some hope that she will actually get something to do again soon. Once we get her backstory, she could easily rank above Uraume. Btw, I want more panels where Angel is just a mouth. No Hana, just that mouth with a monotone background and overly detailed teeth. It looks so fantastically creepy.

Favourite Moments

1. Kenjaku talking to Kogane

It's just such a good moment that does a lot for Kenjaku's characterization, their goals and relationship to Tengen (and arguably also Yuuji). Still feeling pretty ambivalent about ch222, but this was undeniably a highlight. It has had a tight grip on my mind ever since. I could write whole essays about it, starting with the scenary of it all. Kenjaku sitting alone, the only one in focus and the only one in the light, while being in front of a game console with two controllers that remain untouched and without a game running while talking to someone/something that/who can't hear them or can't understand them. Kogane is basically just a computer. It can't give insightful answers or challenge Kenjaku's beliefs, while Tengen has also lost all autonomy and most of her personality I assume. She also can't talk back, probably can't hear them and isn't even there, but Kenjaku still directs their musings at her, knowing she won't/can't answer, but still asking for her input, challenging her and leaving space for what would be her own words. They hate her, but also want her to do better and this scene really shows that while Kenjaku's plans my succeed, they probably won't get what they really want.

2. Yuuji chasing Mahito

Pretty easy pick. I'm really looking forward to seeing this animated soon. It's not just the beautiful imagery or how their roles have now reversed, but also what leads up to it. Yuuji accepts who he is, how he is not so different from Mahito. He discards any pretence of high and mighty reasons for why Mahito should die and embraces his hate. He's not pretending to be any better than Mahito, no "I'm not gonna kill you because I'm not like you", he says with absolute senserity that he will kill Mahito as many times as it takes. He's gonna hunt him down just like Mahito did. It's also the start of Yuuji giving into the role jujutsu society has put him in and starts thinking of himself as a cog, a mere object that serves others and blindly obeys its function (killing curses). I think getting Sukuna out of his body was the start to him evolving past that thinking, but this was a very necessary step. He needs to be broken down before being build back up. It was a great end for Mahito as a character as well.

3. Kenjaku & Tengen get Sukuna's body

This whole scene is so interesting. Like in the first moment it's basically just Kenjaku talking to their hand puppets again, but this time there's a bit more outside input. Ngl, the mere fact that Kenjaku and Tengen are together, talking to each other and working with each other excites me already. There's not much of Tengen's consciousness left and she can't actually refuse anything Kenjaku does, but their interactions were still very fascinating. What's also interesting is how they (both of them) treat Sukuna's corpse. They stroll up to it so casually, as if they have done it in the past. Kenjaku asks Tengen if they can take it and she says yes, but neither of them consider Sukuna and his wishes in all this. Kenjaku even jokes that it's their souvenir for him. It makes me so curious about how they are connected to him and what kind of relationship the three used to have. It gets even better now that we know that Tengen was the one who prepared his corpse (without his knowledge) and Kenjaku was the one who turned Sukuna into a cursed object. These two have clearly passed around Sukuna's corpse between them before. "Do you mind if I take his fingers?" "No, go ahead, I don't need them" This scene gets better and better as the story progresses.

4. MCs meeting Tengen

Speaking of scenes that get better with time, ch145 and 146 have been one of my favourites for a long time. They have to be on this list for how many times I've reread them alone. The more information and backstory we get, the more interesting this whole info dump becomes. There are always little phrases and moments that become a lot more meaning full on a reread. We also got so many hints. Tengen's connection to the Star Plasma Vessels and Six Eyes, Yuki being able to hear the other SPVs, Tengen and Kenjaku's relationship (many hcs were spawned by Tengen casually calling Kenjaku a child and I'm happy to see that many of them are turning out to be true), the first hints at Kenjaku's plan, even though a lot of depth was missing of course and Tengen underestimates some of their reasoning and end goals, and Tengen's utter failure to understand Kenjaku as a person (they aren't even that shy to talk about their reasons, especially to her! grandma please...).

5. Noritoshi preparing to die/visiting his mother

It's this scene of Noritoshi finding his mother again plus the context of her side of the story at the end of the Sakurajima colony and Maki's advice re matricide that really moves me. Probably Noritoshi's best scene so far. I really hope the reason he isn't with the others is because he went back to his mother to finally talk to her openly. I swear, these two are so horrible at communicating. It's so heartbreaking to see Noritoshi lose all will to live and being ready to die in battle to do at least something useful with his life. He dedicated everything to changing the Kamo from within for his mother, only to get kicked out of the clan and find out that his mother has moved on. Everything he has done so far becomes meaningless. However, it is what comes afterwards that makes it even more clear how toxic his mindset was. Noritoshi thinks poetic words about how he's gonna die for his friends, only to be interrupted by Daido and Miyo. It shows that this way of thinking is entirely unnecessary and something he has to break out of. It's what sets him on the right path to reunite with his mother. Kenjaku forced him out of the clan and gave him no way to return. His mother showed him that there is a way to live a happy life despite the abuse both of them suffered from the Kamo clan, it is possible to move on. Daido & Miyo disrupted his suicidal thoughts and took over the fight for him aka he has to rely on others and accept their "help" without giving anythign in return. Maki taught him that there might be a way to reconnect with his mother and that he should ask all the questions he has for her regarding his purpose and name openly. I really didn't care much for Noritoshi before, but this whole arc elevated him so much for me.

[peppered-moths]

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6

(When Scott first wakes up, he expects change. Of course he does- it's only natural on a server like this. Every time he's been yellow before, there has always been something new. This? This has to be punishment. A consequence. Something.)

He's hunched over, balancing on his toes, staring at the water, ignoring the way the sea spray stings his eyes. He reaches up, fingers moving carefully over the scales dappling his cheekbones-not green, yellow, or red, but instead a lapis lazuli blue. They feel right on his skin, somehow, like they've always been there. It makes him frown, because it definitely isn't right.

The changes had been gradual. The first scales had sprouted (he assumed) after his first death, speckling his shoulders and the top of his spine. He had realized only much later that they mirrored Cleo's axe blow, which made the ones on his face all the stranger.

His second death had resulted in sinuous patterns of scales snaking outwards from his heart, curling over the tops of his collarbone and down his arms. He hates that it's spreading like that- it looks like a disease. Maybe it is. Maybe the next time he dies, he'll grow gills, and be confined to the water forever. The thought scares him more than he'd like to admit.

He drops down onto the grass, letting his hand brush the warm water. The coral doesn't help either; it's not actually growing from him, he had simply thought it looked pretty. Scott has to admit, though, he looks significantly less human.

He picks up on footsteps through the omnipresent white noise of the waves, and glances over his shoulder, catching sight of Martyn's blond hair and new floppy seaweed headband immediately. He turns back, continuing to study his reflection. It's not the first time Martyn has caught him doing this in the past week.

It is the first time he sits next to Scott, feet splashing into the water and distorting Scott's face. He looks over at Martyn and raises a half-disapproving eyebrow.

"What was that for?"

"Sorry." He doesn't sound remotely sorry. Scott just hums, shifting slightly closer so that their shoulders bump together. The other man glances around. There's nobody in sight; T.I.E.S. are off doing who knows what, and nobody else has bothered to visit. Once he's certain there's an all clear, he shifts, allowing Scott to lean against him comfortably.

"Is something up?" Inadvertently, Scott's hand brushes against his own face again. He pulls it back down quickly, tucking it in his lap, but Martyn's eyes have caught the movement. He attempts to save face. By lying.

"Nope," he says cheerily. "Exciting session last week, wasn't it?" When you don't want to talk about something, deflect. He's very good at it.

"Yeah, I was there. Scott, what's wrong?" Damn it, Martyn's too good at this.

"I'm not sure," he finally decides. Martyn's brow furrows, and Scott shakes his head. "Sorry. Bad phrasing. I mean I'm literally not sure." He holds his hand out, palm down. It shakes, just slightly, from the memory of dying. It's... hard to forget. The scales shine in the light, little drops of ocean branded into his skin.

"What, you mean the fishiness? Isn't that just... yellow stuff?"

"It started when I was still green," Scott says quietly. "After Cleo killed me, they... just started appearing." He hopes Martyn gets the point- it feels a little weird to say I'm kind of afraid that I'm turning into a fish monster.

Luckily for him, Martyn connects the dots fairly easily. "So what happens when you die... ah. Hm."

"Yeah."

They sit there in silence for a moment. Scott bites the inside of his cheek.

"I just- what happens after? What happens if I die a last time-" (Martyn interrupts with a mumbled "Not if I can help it." Scott swats his shoulder.) "-and I- I turn into a sea monster or whatever, and that's it? I'd be stuck." Alone, his brain helpfully reminds him, which does not make Scott tense.

"Why would that happen?" Martyn's using his defusing-the-situation voice, and it irritates him to no end. He jabs a light elbow into his side.

"Come on, Martyn, you know me. And you know Them. This is their idea of a cruel joke, like making me the first boogeyman." Alone alone alone keeps rattling in his head, reminding him of the last time he was truly alone on a death game server.

(Ren lay before him, a bloody mess of arrows. The game was over. The game was done. And he was still standing.)

"Well, I'd come find you anyways," Martyn says decidedly. "I'd convince Grian to let me back, or- or I'd just break in." That startles a laugh out of Scott, and he leans his head against Martyn's shoulder, careful of the coral in his hair.

"Yeah? You wouldn't be too busy?" He means it to sound teasing, but it comes out with a note of raw truth in it. Nobody else had come back for him.

"Nah. Never too busy for y- for finding a teammate!" Martyn stumbles over his words, causing Scott to raise his eyebrow again. He feels Martyn shrug sheepishly.

"The scales are still a little weird, though." Martyn picks up one of his hands, seemingly ignoring his words. Scott allows him to run a thumb over the dark blue pattern.

"I dunno, I think they're kind of pretty." Martyn freezes, continues talking with a deer-in-the-headlights look. "Well, there goes my brain-to-mouth filter." Scott sits up again, taking his head off Martyn's shoulder.

He's still stuttering; Scott just rolls his eyes, trying to pretend his cheeks aren't warm.

"You're an idiot, Martyn." He cups the other's face and pulls him in.

For a moment, he can forget about curses, about those who watch, about anything but the here and now. He quite likes it, actually.