#How come I can sit and write 8 pages in a few hours for a fic

[pessimisticoptimistsblog]

A/N – There is Alastor slander in this. He’s an amazing character so far, and I know some people love him, but he’s literally evil. Also, I messed up the timeline again 🤦‍♀️ I completely forgot that there's 5 months between the first extermination and when Lucifer comes to the hotel. But I have a plan to kinda fix it.. Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8

Chapter 5

Radio Bitch

The next morning found Lucifer and Caelwen in the fallen angel’s workshop. He had decided last night, as they gathered every book and scroll that mentioned bindrunes, that they’d be more comfortable in there and could have lunch brought to them. So they wouldn’t have to stop working through the spell, of course! Definitely not because he wanted to invite her into one of his most personal spaces and show her the ducks he was so passionate about! Absolutely nothing like that. Nope.

Caelwen had been taken aback at the sheer number of rubber ducks that greeted her when Lucifer opened the door. She might not have been tall, but some of the piles had to have been almost twice her height! Unfortunately, Lucifer took her look of shock as a negative and let his anxiety override his mouth. He spent the next 10 minutes darting around the room, grabbing random ducks and shoving them into the Nephilim’s arms while explaining what each one did.

“-and this one has a knife inside, for self-defense. This one can be warm or cold to help if you’re sick! Oh and-“

Caelwen had sat the pile of ducks in her arms down before grabbing Lucifer by the shoulders. She leveled him with a gentle stare then pulled away once she was sure he wouldn’t dart off again. *They’re lovely, Lucifer. Truthfully, I’m amazed by how many there are and all that they can do. And one day maybe we can organize them properly and you can tell me about every last one. For now, though, how about we sit down and see if we can’t finish this spell?*

Her genuine smile and kind words eased Lucifer’s racing mind and brought him mostly back from his spiral into a mental breakdown. He loved this room but, apparently, his depression and loneliness were tied rather closely to it. Lucifer grabbed Caelwen’s hands from his shoulders and returned her smile, leading her to the couch near the workshop door. They sat down next to each other, thighs grazing just slightly, as Lucifer snapped his fingers and made their books appear. Caelwen picked up the notebook she had been writing in last night and flipped to her page where they were putting together runes to make their own bindrune that, with Lucifer’s magic, should cancel out the one Adam used.

The next few hours were spent with the two leaning on each other, Lucifer reading from books or scrolls while Caelwen jotted down anything important to what they needed. Soon the page she was working on was full of various runes and notes about how they worked or what they would mean when placed with another rune. The Nephilim tapped Lucifer’s knee and showed him what she had so far. *I think we might have everything here. It doesn’t seem like it needs to be intricate as long as the right intentions are behind it.*

The fallen angel took in the messy scribbles on the page, making out the different runes that were underlined and what they were for, before his attention drifted to green eyes staring at him. The woman looked so hopeful and eager, excitement pouring off of her as she grinned. For a moment, Lucifer took all of her in; from her bright eyes and messy hair slipping from the bun on top of her head, to the faint dimple on the left side of her face and the way her nose scrunched just slightly. Only a week with this woman and he was falling rapidly.

Caelwen had noticed Lucifer’s lack of response and his staring, taking a moment herself to admire the man in front of her and wonder how she had gotten so lucky to earn his attention. His hair was pushed back like normal with just a few pieces falling across his forehead, his smile was small but oh so welcoming, and his yellow and red eyes were soft and warm. They had both started leaning closer towards the other, like magnets pulling each other in.

Suddenly a song played from Lucifer’s pocket, startling the two and sending Lucifer to the floor in surprise.

He fumbled in his pockets for his phone, mentally cursing the offensive device for ruining whatever was about to happen. Once out of his pocket, Lucifer looked to see who dared call him before freezing when he saw the name – Charlie.

“Daughter? Daughter! Daughter calling?!” He panicked, jumping up and beginning to pace. “Oh! Um-uh ‘Hello Charlie’ ‘Hey Char-Char’ No! No, that’s not good. This has to be perfect.” Lucifer paused before finally clicking to answer the phone. “Hey Bitch!”

Caelwen rolled her eyes and chuckled silently. This all-powerful angel was so awkward it was adorable. The Nephilim sat through the phone call watching Lucifer as he paced around the workshop. His nervousness was cute but also concerning; was his relationship with Charlie always this strained? Poor things. Charlie had seemed like such a sweet girl, she hoped they’d be able to mend their bond, they both deserved to know how wonderful the other was.

~Ding~

A quiet chime pulled Caelwen from her thoughts and to her own phone to see a couple messages from Nia.

Nia: Hey boss, not a huge deal or like an issue, but could you maybe check in at that hotel place? Rocco says the radio demon there is making shit difficult. And apparently, one of the other demons is sort of psycho? Not sure about that part, but probably worth looking into?

Nia: If you’re busy, though, I can totally do it. Just not till tomorrow. Maybe. Depends on this bitch Velvette and how many more times she barges in here looking for you.

“I’ll be there in an hour!” Lucifer hung up the phone, excited and feeling lighter than air. His daughter invited him to see her project! Take that depression! He spun in a circle, excitement pumping through his veins before he spotted Caelwen still sitting on the couch looking at him and giggling silently.

*I take it that was a good phone call?*

“ Oh, uh.. yeah it was. Sorry for sort of-.. it was just, just Charlie and it was the first time she’s called me! Well since she asked me to meet with you. But this time, she invited me over! Although that does mean we’ll have to come back to the spell later… I hope that’s okay?” Lucifer was worried he might have upset Caelwen until he saw her smile at him brightly.

Caelwen waved off Lucifer’s apology before signing, *It’s no problem! I’ve waited this long, what’s one more day? Besides, I have something I need to do as well. Nia just messaged me and needs me to check in on the hounds I have at Charlie’s hotel, make sure everything is going as it should.*

The fallen angel’s shoulders slumped in relief, greatful he hadn’t upset his companion. “Thank you for understanding. I promise, as soon as I get back, we will set your soul free. And then- wait did you say you need to go to the hotel too? Did something happen?!”

Lucifer was bursting with panic again - was that why Charlie had called him? Why hadn’t she sounded more urgent?!

Caelwen jumped up from the couch and walked to Lucifer, cupping his face in her hands and making him look at her. *Everything is fine. I promise. It’s just one of the demons there is making things tricky for my employees. I’m just going to make sure he remembers his place, that’s all. I’m sure Charlie is fine. Please, breathe*

Cealwen began taking deep breaths, holding eye contact with Lucifer until he followed suit. As he calmed down, the fallen angel closed his eyes and relaxed into his companions hands still holding his face.

The woman smiled softly, pulling her hands away slowly. *I need to go now though. For one, it’s probably best demons don’t see us walking around together. And secondly, I have a feeling I’ll need a moment with Charlie before you pull her away. The issue seems to be with a demon staying in the hotel that I refuse to allow around my hounds.* Caelwen’s eyes narrowed when she mentioned the issue, a frown set in, and the woman’s aura darkened briefly before she shook it off noticing Lucifer’s concerned gaze.

“Should, uh should I be worried about this demon?” Lucifer asked with an eyebrow raised slightly.

*Of course not! I can handle myself and this demon just fine and one of the hounds I have stationed at the hotel will be there.* Caelwen’s grin turned sadistic, *I dare him to try one of his tricks. His sabbatical will be much more permanent this time if he does.*

Lucifer couldn’t decide if he was concerned, intrigued, or turned on by the Nephilim in front of him; one minute she was so sweet and kind, the next she looked ready to brutally murder anyone that got in her way.

The woman checked the time on her phone, *I should get going. I’ll still be there when you arrive, but I want to handle my mess ASAP.* She waved to Lucifer before leaving the workshop and allowing her shadows to surround and transport her to the Hazbin Hotel.

Outside the hotel, Madame C was greeted by Rocco who had just finished a lap of the perimeter. One of her more mild employees, Rocco stood almost 7 feet tall with an average build, but what he lacked in muscles he more than made up for in his agility.

“Hey boss lady, Nia said you’d be by. Glad you could make it so quickly, honestly. Listen, I know we’re supposed to just power through the annoying or rough clients, but the radio demon is… well he’s not-“ Rocco cut off, a shiver running down his and Madaem C’s spines. They both turned to see the radio demon himself walking up to them, his Cheshire grin firmly in place.

“Hellooo good friends! What a lovely day it is. And how wonderful to see you again Madame C, such a shame you left before we could chat the other day. Now, what exactly brings you to our lovely hotel, dear? Looking to join our cause, perhaps?” Alastor had stopped close to Madame C and proceeded to lean in towards her face as he spoke.

Rocco made to step forward before he felt and saw his boss’s aura rise and darken more than he thought possible. Everyone at the company knew she could be scary, it was how she had earned a place as an overlord while owning no souls, but this chilled his blood and made him take a step back. Rocco even noticed Alastor’s eye twitch slightly.

Madame C’s eyes had begun to glow an eerie neon green and she tilted her head to the side, a wide evil grin rivaling Alastor’s splitting the darkness shielding the rest of her face. Alastor’s radio cane crackled to life sounding like someone switching rapidly between stations.

Suddenly, snippets of recordings could be heard with certain words standing out clearly. “You.. need to…back-UP! My… hounds are…not… FOR.. you… Al..-store. Don’t make… me…put you… in… -your place. AGAIN” Rocco was frozen in shock, he didn’t know his boss could do that.

As the two demons stared each other down, footsteps could be heard coming towards the group. Rocco looked out of the corner of his eye, afraid to fully look away from his boss should she need him, to see Princess Charlie grinning and waving at them.

“Ohmygod, hi! It’s so nice to see you again! Rocco said you might be stopping by soon. Is everything …okaayyy?” The princess trailed off, noticing the tension between Alastor and Madame C. “Uhh.. you two.. know each other, I’m guessing? Heheh…” Charlie trailed off, looking between the two demons and hell hound.

The two demons continued to hold each other’s stare until finally Alastor straightened and looked to Charlie, “Of course! Madame C and I have known each other for quite some time. We’re both very powerful Overlords as well and tend to run in similar circles due to that. She’s a lovely woman!”

Madame C schooled her features and tamed her aura, before turning to Charlie, even though only her eyes were fully visible she refused to let the radio bitch see the affect he had. Her soul hurt to put the strain on it she needed when using the amount of power she had. She grasped her hands together tightly to steady the slight shake and gave a small bow to the princess. She turned, looking to see if Rocco could translate for her, and when he nodded, her hands began to move.

“Yes. Alastor and I met when he was a young demon and tried to kill me.” Charlie and Rocco’s eyes widened, the hell hound stuttering a little, while Alastor’s twitched. “Obviously, I survived. But because of that day as well as his… later behavior, I’m afraid he is not included in the protection my hounds offer. I was called here because he has apparently been making Rocco and Echo’s jobs more difficult than need be.”

Madame C’s face stayed neutral the entire time her hell hound spoke for her, she refused to lie or let Alastor get away with anything he was attempting. She noticed Alastor’s hands clench at his cane.

“That’s… um.. I am so sorry to hear about that… I can’t kick Alastor out though, he’s our hotelier! It’s thanks to him that we’ve been able to make this place as nice as it is so quickly!” Receiving no response from the shadowed demon, Charlie clapped her hands together. “Weellll, how about we all head inside! My dad will be here any moment and when he leaves, you can come to my office and maybe we can see what we can work out? Please?”

Madame C couldn’t say no to the face Charlie gave her, the pleading eyes and hopeful smile reminded her so much of the fallen angel she had spent the last week with. She gave a sign signaling her agreement. Then signed to Rocco, *Take me somewhere secluded please, I wish to talk without the radio bitch hanging over my shoulder.*

The hell hound gave his boss a smirk before turning to Charlie, “You mind if boss lady and I head up to the second floor? We’ll keep an eye on stuff, just need to give her my reports. Kinda private business shit, ya know?” Charlie gave the two a thumbs up before jogging back into the hotel. Rocco and Madame C turned to where Alastor had been only to see him dissolve into shadows.

*Fucking creep.*

“You said it boss! Haha! C’mon, I know where we can go and talk while keeping an eye on everything.”

Together, hell hound and shadow-cloaked woman headed into the hotel and up the stairs, moving around the balcony overlooking the hotel entryway until they reached a corner. Madame C looked over the railing to see the demons in the hotel moving about to prepare for Lucifer, hanging banners and straightening furniture. A small demon ran around stabbing bugs while giggling maniacally, a cat demon with wings she recognized as an ex-Overlord was stood behind a bar drinking straight from a bottle, a snake demon slithered towards a table with a tray of cookies, and lastly a spider demon she recognized as one Valentino had contracted her hounds to protect was adjusting it’s makeup in a small mirror.

Rocco stood off to Madame C’s side, arms crossed as he eyed the demons below him. “They’re a pretty decent bunch, not too much trouble. Spider is Angel Dust, I’ve worked with him before - keeps trying to make a pass at me. The little one is Nifty, apparently Alastor owns her soul, she cleans and kinda creeps me out. Snake guy is new, Sir Pentious I think, was a spy for Vox but got found out preeetty quickly. Heh poor guy. He was able to rip a bit of Alastor’s coat at one point though so props there. Girl attached to Charlie is her girlfriend, Vaggie. I like her, she kinda reminds me of Carina, very drill sergeant vibe. And then Husker, probably the easiest one to put up with, doesn’t do much except drink. And then there’s Alastor.”

Madame C nodded as each demon was named, taking in everything Rocco told her. They continued to observe as Madame C let her thoughts travel to how she could still pay Charlie the debt she owed for connecting her and Lucifer without keeping her hounds near that radio asshole.

Charlie opened the door to the hotel and Lucifer grabbed her in a big hug. “CHAAARLIE! Oh its so good to see you!”

“Hey da-“ Charlie choked out. “It’s good to see you too, dad.” The two pulled away and the blonde girl cleared her throat. “Welcome! To the Hazbin Hotel!” she exclaimed.

Lucifer leaned down to pet a small cat before two winged goat-like demons flew to him and he pet them as well. Lucifer proceeded to take in the hotel lobby, while it wasn’t in shambles, it was far from ideal. It definitely needed some work. “Oh! What in the unholy Hell is that?!” he exclaimed when he saw the bar.

When Madame C saw Alastor appear next to the king of hell and explain that he thought it added color, she rolled her eyes. And when the radio demon put his hand on Charlie’s shoulder a few moments later to say he was happy to fulfill her bizarre requests, the puzzle pieces snapped together in her mind. Alastor was up to something and he needed the support of Charlie. Knowing the radio demon, it’d be best to ensure someone made sure Charlie was never put in a position to need Alastor’s help.

Pulling away from the edge as Lucifer and Alastor began to argue more, Madame C motioned Rocco to follow her away from the crowd and into a nearby hallway. They both looked around to ensure no one was watching them. *I still have some personal business to finish that may take a few more days. If Charlie agrees, I will take your place here when I’m done. Then I can keep a close eye on that radio jerk and keep you all away from him.*

“I appreciate that boss lady. We don’t mind every one else here. Honestly, if it weren’t for Alastor, this would be the best gig I’d ever had – minus when I’m on rotation for the main office!” Rocco chuckled while shoving his hands in his pant’s pockets.

The two spent a few more minutes catching up on everything that had happened with the hotel before a loud bang rattled the hotel. Darting towards the entrance, they saw the hotel in chaos, the front wall was littered with holes, some of the carpet was on fire and most of the demons from the hotel were running for cover.

Madame C allowed her shadows to transport her and Rocco to the main floor, appearing close to Lucifer and Charlie. The demoness turned to her hell hound, *Make sure everyone is safe please. I’ll see what I can do to start patching the wall and holding the sharks off.* Rocco gave a quick nod before darting off to start rounding up the hotel's sinners.

“It doesn’t matter how well intentioned you are, they’re always going to disappoint you!” Lucifer was smug and as much as she agreed with him to an extent, Madame C was still annoyed he’d rather rub in how awful sinners were than help keep the loan sharks from destroying his daughter’s hotel; they’d definitely have to have a chat about that later.

Nifty was trying to clean up some of the debris that kept falling when Sir Pentious grabbed her as a piece of wall came crashing to the ground and Rocco quickly swept both of them up and away to safety.

Vaggie came out and had a spear ready to protect whomever she could, but Alastor pushed her aside, “No, my dear, leave it to me. It’s time I remind everyone why I’m here.”

“Finally! Took ya long enough.” Mimzy stated from the bar.

“A reminder to all not to mess with the Radio Demon.” The radio frequency hurt Madame C’s ears. Watching Alastor make his way outside to kill the loan sharks, she rolled her eyes at his theatrics. At least he was helping in a way. The woman began to create shadow curtains to cover the holes in the walls and smother the fire around her; it wasn’t a perfect solution, but it would help until they could be repaired.

“- How come he can have faith in me but my own father can’t?” Madame C tuned back in to the conversation near her between Charlie and Lucifer. So this was where they stood, Charlie believed sinners were worth saving and helping while Lucifer thought them to be violent psychopaths.

“Dad… just.. help me.” Charlie pleaded.

Madame C looked away from the two, Lucifer had told her a little about being kicked out of Heaven and how he never wanted to lose everything he held dear again. Hearing him sing about it to Charlie nearly brought tears to her eyes. She shook it off, going to stand near everyone else in the lobby as they watched the bonding moment between father and daughter. It was so heart-warming but also broke Madame C’s heart; there was no chance she’d ever have something like this, her mother was long gone and her father was an asshole that only cared about himself.

Soon, Lucifer had left, promising Charlie a meeting with Heaven and wishing her luck. As everyone started to scatter and clean up, Madame C approached Charlie and Vaggie with Rocco at her side. “I know a lot has happened that needs your attention, but could we proceed with our meeting? I have a personal matter to get back to that can’t wait much longer.” The hell hound translated for his boss.

“Oh! Yes, of course, follow us.” Charlie and Vaggie led the two up stairs with Alastor watching from below. Before following the girls around a corner, Madame C turned to look at him and made his radio crackle as a warning, he was not welcome anywhere near this meeting.

Sitting in the office Charlie had brought them to, Madame C and Rocco wasted no time and got right to the point. “I apologize for having to do this, but I must stand by my rules. Unfortunately, the radio demon is not one that is welcome to the services I provide. Not only has he tried to kill me, but he has caused harm and even killed two of my hounds before. I understand he has a place here, though, and would never ask you to do anything you don’t wish to.”

“So then what are we supposed to do? You owe Charlie the protection because she got you that meeting with her dad.” Vaggie was defensive - even though she wasn’t fond of Alastor either, she didn’t want her girlfriend to get screwed out of anything she deserved.

“Yes, I do owe her – quite a lot more than I may ever truly be able to repay – but I do have a solution. My personal matter should be resolved in a couple days, after which I will be available to personally guard this hotel.” Charlie was confused and began to speak before Madame C began signing again. “I know what I told you before. The matter I met with Lucifer about will soon be resolved and will ensure I no longer need constant guards. Should I feel as though I need one whilst here, though, I will cover their pay.”

Charlie was shocked and then giddy, remembering what Madame C had needed to talk to Lucifer about. “You mean my dad was able to help? That’s amaaazing! “ She clapped her hands, bouncing in her seat. Vaggie stood next to her confused, looking back and forth between Charlie and the demon in front of her.

“Yes, it is amazing. I’m forever grateful. But if those conditions are acceptable, then I really must leave.” Madame C stood from her chair, holding a hand out to Charlie the shake. After settling the agreement, the demon turned towards Rocco to give him a nod before she melted into her shadows and left.

A few moments later she appeared at Lucifer’s front door, unable to go further due to protections he had in place to keep out anyone that wasn’t invited in first. After an imp let her in, the shadows around the Nephilim dropped to reveal an exhausted Caelwen. Trying to shake the tiredness clawing at her eyelids, she made her way to Lucifer’s workshop.

Caelwen entered the room and saw Lucifer on the couch with his head in his hands. She walked over to the couch and plopped down before leaning against the fallen angel. She knew he was worried about his daughter, Heaven surely wouldn’t be kind to the daughter of a fallen angel.

Lucifer lifted his head slightly and turned it to look at Caelwen, “I can’t lose her. I already lost everything I had in Heaven, Lilith left me, I can’t lose Charlie before I even get to know who she is.” His distress was evident to the woman next to him as she grabbed his face to bring him from his slouched position.

*You won’t lose her. Charlie is strong and she has an amazing support system that will help her bounce back if need be. You just need to believe in her and support her in whatever way you can.*

“You’re right, I know that, I just need to accept she’s not a little girl that I can hide away.” Lucifer gave a sad chuckle. Before Caelwen could continue to reassure him, the fallen angel straightened himself up more and snapped his fingers to summon her notebook from that morning. “We have more pressing things to tend to than my worrying! Let’s get this show rolling, I’m ready to see if we got this right.”

Caelwen knew they’d talk more about his depression and anxiety later, she wouldn’t let him continue on this self-destructive path. For now, though, they could focus on finishing the bindrune and spell they had been working towards for a week now.

So for the next two hours, Caelwen and Lucifer sketched bindrunes, making combination after combination to see if any had even a slight effect on the Nephilim. Finally, Caelwen was in the midst of making what had to be the thousandth bindrune when she felt a light tug at her chest. She paused, erased a line and the feeling went away. Added the line back and there was that tug again. She added another rune they had on the list and the tug became a pull that made her drop the pencil and rub at her chest.

Lucifer looked over at the sound of the pencil dropping and noticed Caelwen rubbing at her chest with a pained expression. He grabbed the paper she had been looking at and examined it, looking between it and Caelwen a grin growing on his face. “You did it! We’ve got the last bit we need!”

*Yeah, hurts a bit more than I’d hoped honestly. So maybe we move this party along, please?” the grimace on her face was morphing into teeth grinding together as Lucifer held the paper closer to her.

He pulled back quickly to ease her pain. “Right. Right! Of course, sorry! Let’s get everything sorted; you grab a pillow for your head and I’ll get the book with the incantation. And I’ll leave this here so you can breathe a bit.” Lucifer began to rush around the room, locking the door and rummaging until he found the book they had marked with the spell needed.

When he came back towards the couch, he noticed Caelwen had cleared some space on the floor and laid a pillow down. The woman was sitting on the floor ready to lay down but hesitated. Over 500 years had led to this moment, and she was so nervous. What if it didn’t work? What if it did but it killed her in the process? What if she had misread all of the signs from Lucifer and he kicked her out after all of this was over?

As Lucifer kneeled next to Caelwen, she looked up to him, eyes wide and scared. *Before we do this, I need to tell you something. No matter what happens, I have thoroughly enjoyed this last week. You are an amazing, wonderful man and I can never begin to repay you.* Lucifer tried to speak, but the Nephilim in front of him put a finger to his mouth. *I hope I haven’t misread the signs from you, but if I have, I’m terribly sorry for this and will accept whatever consequences come from it.*

Lucifer was confused for a split second before he felt hands pull at the lapels of his coat and soft lips met his roughly. While he was still processing the moment, Caelwen pushed him away and looked to the side unable to face seeing rejection quite yet. When the pieces finally clicked, Lucifer blinked slowly staring at the woman in front of him that still kept him held at arms length. Carefully, he reached a hand up to cup her jaw and turn her face to him looking into her eyes softly.

Lucifer pulled Caelwen in close, lips almost touching, “You didn’t misread the signs, I promise.” Their lips met again, softer and slower this time but with no less emotion. Lucifer cupped Caelwen’s jaw gently, holding her to him while her hands renewed their grip on his suit.

They parted slightly, noses touching and staring into each other’s eyes. “You are one of the most amazing people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. I hope that when you are free of this seal, you’ll stay with me? No matter what happens, I don’t know that I want to spend even a day apart.” Lucifer’s voice was like honey, and Caelwen couldn’t agree fast enough, nodding her head quickly with a brilliant smile taking over her face.

The two kissed, quicker this time, now having a new motive to finish breaking the seal. The sooner they finished this, the sooner they could go back to kissing and exploring this new level of their relationship.

Caelwen laid back on the pillow and ensured Lucifer had access to the center of her chest where the original bindrune sat. The faintest white outline was showing, the seal already reacting to its counterpart being close by. Lucifer pricked one of his fingers before beginning to draw the symbol Caelwen had made on her chest. As he was drawing the last rune, the Nephilim below him was clenching her fists at her sides and gritting her teeth. He hated to see her in pain but knew they couldn’t stop now. Grabbing the book from his kneeling position, Lucifer flipped to the marked page and began reciting the words on the paper.

Just like when Adam and Lute had done this to her all those years ago, a burning sensation enveloped Caelwen, this time it started out centered on her heart before spreading outwards. She let out a silent scream, the fire squeezing at her heart was mind numbing, black spots beginning to creep in at the edges of her vision.

Lucifer’s heart was breaking watching Caelwen struggle, he tried stroking her hair away from her face and rubbing her shoulders to soothe her slightly but it wasn’t working and he couldn’t interfere while the new magic unwound the old.

Caelwen was doing her best to not attempt to claw out her chest, she couldn’t mess up the new bindrune burning its way into her skin. Fuck, she doesn’t remember it being this bad. Slowly, after 10 minutes of agony that had felt like hours, the burning cooled and Caelwen felt like she could finally breathe. Her body ached and her head was spinning. Turning to look at Lucifer, Caelwen managed a weak smile, reaching for him when the dark spots finally claimed her vision and she passed out.

Lucifer stared down at Caelwen, her hair had come loose and was spread around her head, her face relaxed and peaceful. When she still hadn’t opened her eyes after a minute, he began to panic. He leaned down to see if she was still breathing and, after feeling her soft breaths against his face, he pulled back and tried stroking her cheek, shaking her shoulders, pinching her arm, yet nothing worked. Caelwen wouldn’t wake up.

Lucifer gathered the woman in his arms, holding her close as he leaned against the front of the couch. He kept stroking her hair, willing her eyes to open for over an hour before finally falling asleep.

A/N – So, yeah. This feels longer than any chapter so far, but this is a pretty big episode, probably my second favorite of the whole season. Also, to solve the timeline issue, it’s just gonna be Heaven being jerks about meeting with Charlie. Totally NOT a coma… maybe. We’ll see.

I wrote this all in a day, btw so if there’s issues other than the timeline, I’m sorry. I just really wanted to get this out since I won’t be writing much, if at all, until Friday

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@leximus98

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Tagged by @wanderingaldecaldo @morganlefaye79 @streetkid-named-desire @corpocyborg Thanks y'all! 🧡👻

The writing front has been very slow lately. Ideally I need like 6-8 hour blocks of time to just sit down and write, and my one day to do that has been occupied by social things and appointments the past few weeks. So writing has been minimal and in the tiniest bits and pieces. I do have a pretty solid 10 pages rn though, so I'll take it.

A lot of times for sections with a lot of dialogue, I'll write the dialogue first to make sure I really nail the flow of the conversation then go back and add all the speaker tags and actions. For this snippet I removed my mess of notes about who's saying what, so you all can have fun guessing lol!

One of my fav things to do is incorporate world-building and plot relevant details in as dialogue. It's a really seamless way of informing readers but it's also a subtle form of foreshadowing on my end.

Me and my multi-chapter setups, playin' the long game here...

Wash, sorry in advance for shit talking your woman. I think it's hilarious that Mitch is in on this too though lol

“–Militech’s been awfully agitated lately, saw a twenty vehicle caravan cruising around the 101 on that last scouting trip. Don’t think they’re planning on sniffing around here do you?” “If they were lookin’ for the panzer they would’ve come and collected by now. Think it’s the fact that Arasaka’s stocks are in the shitter. And it ain’t just them either. You know the corps, always tryin’ to sniff out opportunity.” “Yorinobu’s been doing a sloppy job of sweeping this whole debacle under the rug. Ever since he took over it’s been one mistake after another. It’s about time the whole empire toppled.”   “I imagine the president is trying to see how far she can push her luck.” "Don’t think it’ll hurt her chances? Even with it being an election year?" "Pfft, please. There hasn’t been an honest election since [insert date here]" “After her last attempt, you’d think President Myers would’ve learned her fucking lesson by now. Unification my ass.” "Well, with Arasaka hobbled and a newly elected mayor, what better time to test the waters? Militech and the NUSA have all the opening they need to jam their feet in the door." “Ugh, do we really have to talk about corp drama over dinner? Again. That is all you old farts have been talking about recently.” “Seeing as Militech backs the NUSA and that they’re contracted to guard the borders between the NUSA and the Free states. Yes, we are talking about it, Panam. As one of the leaders for this family you should be paying attention to these kinds of things. They are the ones we have to tangle with every time we move." “Yes, because politics is such an influence on all the illegal activities that are our livelihood. Does it really matter which corporation or government is in charge of what? They are all the same. We will figure it out regardless.”   "It helps to know the players on the table. Who they are. What they want. The more information you have the easier it is to navigate the situation, read the field." "As much as I see your point, I was really hoping to avoid the leadership lessons for at least one meal." "It’s not a responsibility you get to turn on and off, Panam." "Well, Saul, any chance those leadership lessons will help sort out the kitchen? It’s been mystery chili for the fifth night in a row."

Also, I found these fun series of videos which are an abbreviated history on NC! If you're into unraveling all the lore like I am or just need something that doesn't require a ton of research, these are great little primer!

Tagging with no pressure: All the people that tagged me @wanderingaldecaldo @morganlefaye79 @streetkid-named-desire @corpocyborg & @shimmer-like-agirl @baublekute @elmknight @mynonsenseistingling @vox-monstera @fly-amanitaa @spacervanguard @scarlettspectra

And it doesn't have to be writing or CP2077 related!

[musicalmoritz]

On average how long does it take you to write a fic? I see you post pretty often on ao3 so I was just wondering if you had any tips to write faster? you make it seem so effortless lol/pos

I must confess, I’ve been procrastinating on finishing a fic for a few weeks now…nonetheless I do have some tips!

So the brutal truth here is that when I really want to get something written I don’t sleep LMAO. Usually I’ll stay up until 4:00 AM writing, but I haven’t been able to do that lately because I’ve been trying to prioritize a healthy sleep schedule. It’s better to start writing early so you don’t stay up half the night, that can actually make things more difficult as after a certain hour your brain will just shut off (at least that’s what happens for me)

The length it takes me to write a fic depends on the type of fic, if it’s 3-4K I can usually knock it out in a day or two, unless I’ve been putting it off. If it’s 9-12k it takes me a couple of days, though I have written fics that length in one sitting before. Again, I do crazy work between the hours of 8:00 PM and 4:00 AM. If it’s anything near 20k it usually takes me a few months, especially if I have a lot going on irl at the time. My longest fic was 52k and I pretty much wrote that through the winter. Right now I’m working on one that’s meant to end at around 15k and I already have 12k of it written, but I ramble so it might come out a bit longer

Okay now onto actual productive tips. In my experience, the best way to write a lot is literally just to spill all your thoughts onto the page. Yap like your life depends on it. If I’m writing the character experiencing something I have a lot of opinions on, I’ll spend several paragraphs just talking about that. Some of my best and longest fics come from me straight up venting into a Google Doc. It’s like a diary except no one can tell how much is the character’s pov and how much is me working out my own problems. If you think you ranted too much, you can always go back and delete some later

It’s also good to try and always be writing. One of my Mitsukou fics was written almost entirely between breaks at work. I bring my computer with me if I’m going somewhere over night. I’ll write while I’m waiting for a class to start, and in between classes- especially if I have a long break. I write a paragraph or two on the toilet sometimes. And also be thinking about the characters a lot, I’m hyperfixated on tbhk rn so these little losers are always on my mind; so when I sit down to write, I’ve already written most of the fic in my head. Share your own headcanons and analysis, people love reading that stuff. Don’t be afraid to get creative and take a few liberties, most readers are subconsciously longing for new things in their fics

Also don’t stress yourself out too much about what you post! Fanfic is best when it’s written for your own enjoyment above anyone else’s. Sometimes I get too caught up in what other people will think of my fics and forget I have total control over everything I write. If you worry too much about making your work “perfect,” you’ll never want to write. Make yourself your main target audience, it makes the process way more fun

I hope some of this helped you!! Thank you for your ask, this gave me the motivation to work on my wip. I’m also currently writing fics for every day of Aoinene Week so it’s been busy. A good fic playlist also helps, it helps you better envision the world you’re writing. Recently I’ve been basing my fics off specific music artists which gets me really invested. Happy writing :)

[itbmojojoejo]

A Good Man | Part 8

Pairing: Finan x Ealdorman's Daughter!Reader

Summary: Finan returns from the north with news of Bebbanburg, news that worries y/n. The pair reunite in Aeglesburgh as preparations for battle at Tettenhall take place.

Warnings: SLOWBURN. MDNI18+ NSFW content below the cut. Unprotected PinV (I will not write about medieval contraception). Mentions of violence and death. If i've missed anything please let me know!

Wordcount:3.7k (i never intend for the parts to be so lengthy but a lot is going on.)

Part 1 | Part 9 | Other Works

Authors Notes: If something below the cut seems oddly fast just - there's a few time jumps and shit happens alright, man can't last for hours when it's been months without a single touch.

The soft light of morning sun streaming through budding trees cast golden streaks across your skin as you closed your eyes, face tilting upwards into the sky allowing the natural warmth to wash over you, taking a deep breath filling your lungs with the fresh crisp air hugging a shawl around your shoulders welcoming the spring. The laughter of Aelfwyn chasing a grumbling Stiorra through the dewy grasses littered with freshly bloomed tulips pulled you from the small moment of meditation and the crunch of wood chip alerted you to Lady Aethelflaed approaching.

“I won’t be here for the next few nights” She spoke quietly and you nodded knowing she was referencing a visit to Coccham, you looked to the floor fighting the envy that creeped into your bones. “If he has returned early I’ll be sure to send him this way” Giving a comforting rub to your shoulder she offered up a small reassuring smile.

“If he is already home and hasn’t thought to visit I can’t promise not to be vindictive.”

“We both know that not to be true y/n, you are soft on him.” You groaned in response turning on your heel to head back inside.

Aethelflaed was right, you were soft on him and the winter had been long and lonely without Finan. You remembered your sisters always talking of how happy they were for their husbands to go off to war or on campaigns as they liked the peace it brought them but you felt as if you were being tortured, mourning the loss of a man who wasn’t your husband and was still very much alive, or so you hoped.

You awoke earlier than usual the next morning staring up at the wooden beams lining the ceiling, hair dishevelled resembling something a bird might like to nest in and nightdress twisted uncomfortably around your hips and waist. Urging yourself to move you began readying yourself for the day starting with a wash and application of scented oil which you also used to attempt taming your long tresses. My Lady rang through your head as it so often did in a poor imitation of Finan’s melodic and sometimes soft voice, a quiet knock at your door dragged you back to reality.

Sable had come to inform you that Aethelflaed had returned earlier than expected and wishes to leave for Wessex as soon as possible so she can give some comfort to her mother and asked if you wanted to accompany her, your own choices were to either stay put sulking your way through the days as if you were a child or find some enjoyment from the new season in the form of travels.

You’d been in Winchester for all of one day when you stood in the room that King Alfred had once used to house his books and keep a chronicle of the times watching the space be taken apart by keepers at the palace hastily sweeping the books and pages into baskets as guards carried the shelves out and away. Time after time throughout your stay you had witnessed the treatment towards Lady Aelswith and how her mood soured with every new insult.

The next day you heard the familiar voice of Uhtred sitting in the hall with King Edward, Father Pyrlig and Lord Aethelhelm negotiating for men to retake Bebbanburg and your heart skipped. News of this sort meant that Finan had surely returned and would of accompanied Uhtred to Winchester, after seeking out Lady Aethelflaed at Uhtred’s presence she had placed her hands on your arms holding you still.

“Calm, this is the most life I’ve seen in you for weeks. Once I have spoken to Edward about the negotiation I will find a way for us to see them.” She smiled and you simply nodded trying to contain your need to find Finan.

Finan was walking through the nunnery with Uhtred, Osferth and Sihtric discussing options to get into Bebbanburg after being denied an army when Abbess Hild appeared calling for Uhtred.

“Thank you for offering your men to help clear the stables.”

“What?” Finan complained looking between the men as Uhtred walked off with Hild.

“Ladders.” Osferth spoke out tapping Finan’s chest adding another suggestion as a way to breach the walls, he looked to Sihtric with a blank face and they both turned away choosing to ignore the monks foolish idea.

In the stables Finan grumbled getting ready to use a manure fork with his back to the stalls opening

“Oh yeah this is just what I want to do, shovel shit.” He griped and Osferth cleared his throat standing up right opening his mouth to say something. “Ay arseling I’m not doing this alone.” The irishman scolded waving the fork at his friend.

“For a good christian boy you sure are using foul language in a holy place.”

His entire demeanour changed hearing your voice and turned dropping the fork seeing you stood with a smile playing on your lips and your hands folded in front of you, he tried to speak but only gawked as the sun glinted off a piece of silver on your index finger and he immediately recognised his ring. Osferth cleared his throat once more and gave Finan a shove forward ushering him towards you, stepping closer to meet him he placed his fingers under your chin angling your face up to his, the sun highlighted the gold in his eyes willing you to melt under his warm gaze there and then.

“Aren’t you going to say hello?” You quipped

“Hello.” He flashed you a grin leaning down for a kiss but you turned away

“Not here.” You grabbed his hand pulling him away from the stables to an old bricked up archway tucked out of the way from prying eyes.

“So, if my woman was here I wouldn’t have to do this either?” Sihtric sassed picking up the dropped fork getting a chuckle from Osferth.

Finan’s lips eagerly crashed onto yours in an instant with his thumbs stroking your jawline, you held him closer by his waist, finger tips brushing over the layers of his leather cuirass savouring every part of feeling his lips on yours and the rough pads of his fingers tracing your skin. You reluctantly broke away and leaned your forehead to his chest as worry washed over you.

“Finan, do not go.” You quietly pleaded with your brows knotted together

“What are you talking about?” He asked pulling you back to his face, trying to smooth away your concerned frown with a thumb

“Bebbanburg. I know what happened at the palace, please do not go.”

“It’s going to be alright, we’ve faced worse with less and survived. And this time survival means we will take Bebbanburg, then I won’t have to steal kisses from you in secret.” He soothed cupping your cheeks.

“You would want me there with you?” The idea of having a home just for the two of you filled your chest with a renewed sense of hope that maybe, just maybe, they really would be able to succeed.

“You are my lady, are you not?” Smiling at his words you leaned up capturing his lips once more allowing yourself to get lost in him if even for only a short moment.

You trailed behind Finan heading towards the groups horses fiddling with the pale silver cross at your neck watching the sun glint off his chainmail hating that you were to have distance between you yet again as Uhtred was saying his farewells to Father Beocca and Hild.

Removing the cross from your neck you bundled up its cord into a neat small loop and tucked it into his hand drawing his attention away from the large steed. His face twisted into a silent question as he moved it around in his palm.

“Make sure you get that back to me.” You spoke quietly. Unravelling the loop you had made he put it on to hang next to his own.

“I’ll be coming back for you.” He placed a delicate kiss to your knuckles as you unwillingly parted ways.

Weeks had passed with no news of Bebbanburg having a new Lord to watch over the distant lands in Northumbria and you were growing more and more restless which only increased when you learned of the unsettling attack at Aeglesburgh led by Cnut and Brida as they savaged Mercia.

“The Ealdormen remain in Aeglesburgh?” Aethelflaed asked Lord Aldhelm as you all walked through the hallways of the palace at Winchester after Edward had refused to send men.

“Any that were not killed in the attack” Aldhelm shot a weary look in your direction and your stomach sank, your father resided inside the city walls.

“I will summon the Mercian fyrds. We’re going to Aeglesburgh y/n.” Aethelflaed declared and you could only nod in response.

After the failure at Bebbanburg Finan was feeling the weight of keeping the men motivated to stay with Uhtred while also helping his Lord battle the grief he felt at the loss of Beocca. They trudged through the thick woods going south when they stumbled across Haesten with his kinfolk, the dane had made remarks about Aethelflaed piquing their curiosity enough to accept the invitation of food and a camp.

“Haesten’s men say Cnut and Brida have attacked Mercia.” Osferth stated hugging his forearm that hung in a make shift sling.

“Edward and Aelthred will need us now.” Finan sighed looking to his Lord, he didn’t like this information at all.

“I owe them nothing” Uhtred spat

“And Aethelflaed?” Finan rolled his shoulders adjusting his stance, if Mercia needed help with Aethelred being in East Anglia he knew the Lady of Mercia would step up to meet an army of danes and where Aethelflaed went, you followed.

After travelling around Mercia summoning the fyrds to meet at Tettenhall you arrived to the heart wrenching sight that was Aeglesburgh, the main gates had been removed from their hinges and bodies hung from the ramparts causing your stomach to twist and turn in knots as the unwelcomed smell of death invaded your senses.

Moving further into the city the ground was littered with the destruction of the merciless danes that had savaged the people of the place you had called home for so many years.

“Search for survivors and bring them here” Aethelflaed spoke instructing Aldhelm

“We should not delay here, the danes could return.”

“I know.”

You helped with clearing up and organising the inside of the palace so the survivors would have a safe sanctuary on their arrival as the few guard members that travelled with you assisted in gathering the bodies so they may eventually be blessed before burial. After a short while Aethelflaed came to you with a sombre face and took your hand in hers.

“I am so sorry lady y/n, the men have found your father and..” Her gaze fell to floor finding herself unable to fully deliver the news

“No.” You shook your head pulling your hand away and walked for the doors feeling ice crawl up through your body, your breath quickened with your pace turning into a run towards the bodies that were being laid out under the evening’s red and pink sky. Spotting the lifeless form of your father tears stung your eyes and you knelt besides him, choked sobs escaping through the tightness in your chest.

Although you had not always seen eye to eye he understood how important the small freedom’s you could get were to you and that your mother had wished for you to be able to make your own choices wherever possible as she also had in her life even if it had frustrated him.

“Lady, I am sorry but it is not safe for you to linger here” Aldhelm’s voice was soft as he hesitated in lifting you from the dried mud.

Finan sat atop his horse with one of Cnut’s sons, his relief to be approaching Aeglesburgh turning to concern. There were hardly any men guarding the walls and there were no gates to protect the city from any further invasions.

He watched on as the boy was taken down from his horse and Uhtred spoke to Aethelflaed. Dismounting he looked to Osferth and Sihtric with worry at the scene and wondered if you had been left in Winchester and approached his Lord and the Lady to interrupt with his question.

“I’m sorry Lady but, y/n?”

“She is here in the hall” Aethelflaed confirmed, looking to Uhtred for permission he was given a nod to go.

“Finan, be gentle with her, she is in a fragile state.” Aethelflaed motioned to the bodies still in their place and he recognised Lord Aelfric.

“Oh god.” He uttered and jogged towards the hall.

He found you stood beside a hearth with your hand resting on the hilt of the dagger at your waist he had given you the previous summer. You were staring into the flames that stuttered and swayed in the breeze coming in through the now open door of the hall lighting your features and highlighting your tear swollen eyes that still sparkled as if they had never fully dried, slowly he reached out and barely brushed your shoulder trying not to startle you.

A breath caught in your throat as you met his eyes instantly throwing your arms around his neck pulling him into you, he said nothing holding you as tears began freely falling again.

“How are you here?” You sniffed keeping your face buried against him

“We couldn’t take Bebbanburg, we lost Beocca.” Sadness quietly laced his voice

“Finan, I’m sorry” You breathed meeting his gaze

“No I am. The bastards are going to pay for this, I swear.” His eyes were the hardest you’d ever seen them and knew he meant every word of the threat

“You will be fighting at Tettenhall?”

“Do you have to ask?”

Before you could say anything else Aldhelm calling for all men to be on the ramparts echoed through the quiet city, without a care in the world for who was watching Finan captured your lips in an intense kiss that somehow melted away some of the pain you carried.

“I’m needed out there, now you stay in here.” He instructed breaking away from your hold

“No, I will go to my father’s home. It’s close by inside the walls.” You countered and he groaned, one of the things he adored about you was your strong will but in times like this it only added to his worry for you being safe “No arguments Finan, I will be fine there.”

You silently walked down the steps side by side and as you turned off left towards the street of houses Finan walked backwards towards to the ramparts making a mental note of which house you entered and positioned himself within its view.

As the night got darker Finan spotted light leaking through the splintered shutters on the ground level of the house you were in, he always yearned for you whenever he was away but somehow tonight it was worse, he not only wanted to comfort you but be comforted by you as well.

“You are looking in the wrong direction.” Osferth mumbled from his side

“Quiet you. Not all of us need to shout about men approaching if it happens.”

“Have you thought about just asking Uhtred if you can go to her?”

Finan sighed, it wasn’t a terrible idea. He had been gone on his Lord’s orders for quite a long time and he rarely complained or asked for anything, surely he would be allowed this one request? Giving Osferth a pat on the shoulder he took a breath and walked to Uhtred’s position who only gave him a side glance at his arrival.

“Lord, I -“ He started keeping his eyes ahead

“I know what you are going to ask Finan, no.” Uhtred’s tone was flat and Finan snapped his head to look at him

“Uhtred, I don’t want for nothing and do as you ask of my own free will, you know this. Don’t make me beg.” His lord sighed, the wheels turning in his head visible.

“Go, but I want you back here before dawn.” Uhtred resolved.

Sitting on the edge of a large table looking at the hearth you had managed to get lit you took in your fathers home, most of the furniture had been toppled over and damaged during the attack. You had done your best at tidying up the destruction in the small space with the odd sob and tear escaping every so often but you swallowed them down refusing to succumb to grief entirely. Knowing Finan was close and for now, safe, was helping like a soothing balm to your aching heart.

The cracked door creaking open pulled you from your thoughts and you looked to Finan in the doorway, you offered him a small smile and held out your arms silently requesting his embrace and he obliged being careful not to further damage the door when he closed it. He hummed into your neck as you snaked your arms around his and he locked his strong chainmail covered arms around your waist.

“Are you do-“ He quietly began asking

“No, I don’t want to talk, just kiss me”

He kissed you slowly lacing his fingers through your hair at the nape of your neck, your hands on his back holding him as close as possible condemning the touch of cool leather on your palms. With each push and pull of your lips against each other the intensity and need grew, drawing your hands around to his sword belt he didn’t stop or prevent your fingers nimbly unknotting and unbuckling the leather strap pulling it free from the loops of his cuirass and letting it fall to the floor with a heavy thud.

Finan turned your face in his hands trailing hot tender kisses across your jaw and down your neck as your hands slipped under his thick gambeson and worked at unlacing his breeches slipping them down to his thighs, he groaned against your neck when you palmed at his growing erection and bunched the skirts of your dresses up to your hips and running his fingers through your folds. The flames from the hearth igniting the gold tones in his eyes as if they were on fire themselves matched the growing heat in your core, you didn’t just want his touch this time, you wanted to feel all of him.

You didn’t know how long it would be before you saw him again with all this chaos going on around you. Mercia was savaged, nearly lost, Wessex was on the verge of its own problems with Aethelred calling himself King of Mercia. You were both bound to be separated by distance once more.

“I want you to have all of me” You moaned against his mouth as the pad of his finger massaged your clit, your lust laden eyes looking into his. Finan simply moaned in response pulling you closer to the edge of the table and lined himself up your wet entrance.

The first shallow thrusts had you wrapping an arm around his shoulders with your nails digging into the leather covering his body, the other tightly gripping the tables edge burying your face in his neck muting your small whimpers at the discomfort. The dull pain finally eased off and he paused with his cock now fully sheathed inside your tight walls, you planted soft open mouthed kisses up his neck to his mouth and he kissed you back with a fire you had never experienced and moaned when he began moving his hips again.

You brought your leg higher up to his waist and he locked it in place gripping at your thigh, the new angle bringing on a deeper feeling of pleasure with each pump of his length into you. Finan knew he wouldn’t last long with the combination of your tightness gripping him and the sweet noises falling from your mouth into his so he slid his thumb in between your two connected bodies and rubbed precise circles against your clit.

You mewled a string of incoherent words at him as your breath quickened and back arched into him, he felt your walls constrict and flutter around his cock brining him to fall off the ledge into bliss with you. Finan’s hips stuttered emptying his hot seed into your core burying his face into your hair as he did and your thighs trembled with you struggling to regain your composure having reached your peak.

The small house was silent other than the occasional crackling of wood coming from the hearth as you and Finan rested your heads on each others shoulders with your bodies still entangled, you lightly played with the hair at the nape of his neck as he drew shapes into the soft skin of your thighs.

“Take me as your wife” You words cut through quiet causing Finan to lift his head and look at you

“I would, in a heartbeat, but it cannot be.” He shook his head with furrowed brows, not in anger but sadness.

“It can.” You countered

“And if we’re refused?” He pulled back from you completely now and you winced readjusting your legs and skirts

“I do not believe they would annul the marriage if it had already taken place” You watched him retie his laces

“Your life wouldn’t be as comfortable as it is now, you do know that?” He glanced at you straightening out his gambeson and picking up his sword belt

“I know what I’m asking Finan.” You stood helping him with the leather and its buckle

“So, do we ask for permission or forgiveness?” He harshly knotted his belt and stood closer into your space cupping your face

“I will speak to Aethelflaed after the battle” You smiled, his question confirming he wants the same as you do.

“Say she doesn’t survive, what then?” He worryingly pondered, he knew you would become your family’s responsibility again if she was to fall in battle

“Then we won’t be asking anyone for anything, I won’t let my brother chose my fate. You will take me with you to Coccham.” He nodded in agreement planting a gentle kiss to your lips.

Next

End Notes: I have no words.

Taglist: @arcielee @tssf-imagines @bcon24 @finanmoghra

[recurring-polynya]

Writing/Art Update 2.20.2024

Well, I had another very solid week. I hesitate to call it good, because I didn't actually enjoy it very much, but I did grind out 8,642 words last week. I finished Chapter 8 and made a solid dent in Chapter 9a. Basically, I just tried to write at least a thousand words a day, which I accomplished almost every day. Yesterday, I only did 800, but I did 2000 on Sunday, plus the 800 was the ending scene for the chapter, so I deserve a little grace there. And it was a three-day weekend for my kids!

I am at the stage of the fanfic where most of the ambiguity is gone--I know what scenes are left and I just gotta write them. It doesn't matter if I want to or not, the fanfic isn't going to be done until I write them, so I just do it. I always worry that writing in this mindset is going to produce bad, unlovable writing--like, if I don't love writing this, how is anyone going to love reading it? Historically, though, that doesn't bear out--big chunks of Call Me Back and What We Do with Our Hearts were written in this exact fugue state, and I often end up loving them after the fact, and they still contain parts that are really funny or insightful or heartfelt or whatever. I literally do not know how this is possible, it just is. Also, like: there is going to be editing. It is truly astonishing how hard it is to slap anything at all down on a page and then how easy it is to shape it up into something good later on. It is a lot like throwing flat colors down on a piece of art and then adding a little texture and shading later.

The other thing I don't like about writing in this mode is that it makes me actually insane, which I don't like. I just roll word counts and percentages around in my head 24 hours a day and I'm not really able to relax and do things that are not grinding away at my writing. I can do it for short periods of time, but I think I have too much of this story left to tough it through, plus, like, what's the point? This is the thing I allegedly do for fun, and even though I really really really want to be finished, I feel like I should actually try to enjoy the process a little, at least.

So anyway! My first goal for this week is to be less insane about my fanfic. My second goal is to finish Chapter 9a (I think I have about 3-4k to go). My third goal is to edit Chapters 7 and 8 and send them to the beta.

After that, I'll just have 9b (of which I've already written about 4k) and the epilogue to do. After that, of course, there's still more editing, a beta pass for chapters 8->the end, and then I may try to read the whole thing through again from the beginning. So, 3 weeks, maybe, give or take a little?

In the interest of trying to have a little fun, I think I'm gonna try to post some previews for the next couple weeks? In the past, people have enjoyed previews. Today's is a little long, but it's the opening to the whole thing. It's below a cut for those who'd rather wait until the whole thing comes out.

“I don’t know if they’re trying to capitalize on Boy’s Day, or what,” Rukia said, idly inching her hand toward the plate of hot, steaming gyoza sitting on the countertop next to Renji’s stove, “but they’re having some sort of Seafood Festival out in East Sixth.”

A dish towel appeared out of nowhere, the tip whipping painfully against Rukia’s hand.

“Ow!” Rukia howled.

“They’re hot! It’ll hurt worse if you jam one of those in your mouth whole like I know you were gonna,” Renji replied, stuffing the dish towel back into his obi, and juggling the pan of gyoza he was currently frying. “What about a Seafood Festival? Why the Hell is the East Sixth having a Seafood Festival?”

“It’s being put on by the Train Museum, I hear,” Rukia continued grumpily, rubbing at her hand. “I guess they’re hauling a bunch of spring fish up from the Shiranui Sea at the other end of the line. It only takes a few hours to get out to Six. There’s probably carts making the run that we could take, but I would honestly just flash-step, at least on the way out. I want to eat my own body weight in katsuo. Possibly your body weight in katsuo.”

“Mmm,” Renji replied noncommittally, dumping the rest of his gyoza onto the plate and turning off the stovetop.

“I was thinking of asking Hisagi if he wanted us to take some pictures and do a little write-up for the Bulletin,” Rukia went on. “Get us a little walking-around money.” Not that Rukia lacked for pocket money, but it was a little more expensive than their usual weekend activities, and Renji got a little cagey when she tried to treat him to things.

“That’s a bad idea.”

“Why? We had fun the last time we played reporter!”

“Grab the bowl of sauce, would you?” Renji gestured with his chin as he picked up the plate of dumplings and the teapot to carry them to the table. “Don’t you remember when they built that damn train line? Took ‘em over over thirty years, and there were three to four articles every single Bulletin about the delays, the graft, the politics, the environmental impact, whatever. People got so mad about the idea of a train inside the Seireitei that it doesn’t even go anywhere useful. I didn’t even know they used it for anything aside from twee holidays for bored nobles.”

“I heard a story from my friend, Lady Akizuki, that the old head of the Seshimo clan actually lives on the train! He hasn’t set foot outside it in fifteen years!”

Renji cocked an eyebrow at her. He looked like he desperately wanted to hear about the Train Noble, but also did not want to be a guy who cared about Train Nobles. “Anyway, don’t mention the train to Hisagi unless you got six or seven hours to kill. Preferably when I’m not there.”

Rukia picked up the big, fragrant bowl of ginger dipping sauce with both hands. “It was just an idea. So what do you think? Do you want to go?”

“When is it again?” Renji asked, frowning.

“It’s running for all of May, but the weather has been so nice lately, I thought maybe we could go next weekend,” Rukia suggested. 

Renji was quiet for a moment, but Rukia figured that maybe he was just focused on serving her dumplings, which was, in her opinion, very important. 

“Ru,” he finally said slowly, as he poured her a cup of tea. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

“Is it that you want to go to the Seafood Festival with me?”

Renji took a big breath through his nose and let it out again. “If things work out, I’d love to go later in the month. Next weekend’s not gonna work, though.”

“Oh.” Rukia frowned. “That’s fine. That’s no big deal.” She looked down lovingly at her gyoza and then up at Renji hopefully. “Itadakimasu?” she asked hopefully.

Renji blinked. “Huh? Oh, yeah, please help yourself. That… that wasn’t the thing I had to say.”

“Well, spit it out, already,” Rukia groused, her mouth already crammed with gyoza. “Why are you being weird?”

Renji still hadn’t touched his own food. He had circled his right wrist with the thumb and middle finger of his left hand and was rotating it back and forth. He used to make that gesture a lot when he was young, and Rukia realized that she hadn’t seen him do it in years.

“I’m having some surgery,” Renji finally said. 

Rukia froze. After a long moment, she slowly finished chewing her dumpling and swallowed it. “Are you okay? What’s going on?”

“I’m getting my arm fixed.”

Rukia watched him rub his wrist for another few seconds. “Did it not heal correctly after the, um, accident?” “The accident” was when Byakuya had stabbed him through the forearm during a demonstration fight the week prior. Everyone was being very polite about it.

“Wellll…” Renji drew out. “I mean, no, that healed up fine. Very clean cut, Senbonzakura, as always. But, uh, while I was at the Fourth, the topic of my burnt-out kidou ducts came up. Captain Unohana thinks she can fix ‘em. And I’ve decided to, um, let her try.” “Oh,” said Rukia. Her chest was filling up with a lot of strange feelings. “Oh.”

[lostsunlight]

CHAPTER 8 - GOLDEN THREADS WOVEN BY SHARPEND HANDS

childe x reader, wc: 3.1k, masterlist , Ao3 cw: nsfw, violence, murder

You arrived at Bubu Pharmacy as soon as dawn broke, you had left the house without seeing Childe, you hadn’t seen him since he left you on the couch. You supposed he was busy with his grand plans to gain glory. 

You had spent the night kneeled over the rather large bathtub inlaid into the floor, trying one again to form swords with your Vision anyways. Now with the aid of the borrowed catalyst it seemed easier to form the sharp edge of the blade.

Dr Baizhu stood at the front of the pharmacy alongside Qiqi, he was listing off a few things and writing them in the notebook you had seen Qiqi holding yesterday. You approached the pair, cool dawn breeze gently blowing your hair.

Baizhu hands the notebook to Qiqi and she ambles off without saying much of anything. Changsheng lazily slithers up his arm and then returns to her familiar perch around his shoulders. 

Baizhu addresses you “Y/N, I’m glad you could make it, come inside and we'll discuss your contract of employment”

You nod “Of course Doctor” 

You follow him behind the counter into a small office, herbs and papers meticulously placed and ordered. He sits behind the desk and pulls out a small stack of papers and slides them towards you. Changsheng slides off his arm to curl around a small lantern on the desk emitting heat.

“This covers your pay, hours and scope of practice. It also details what you will be doing while you study under me”

You flick through the pages, you hadn't exactly encountered anything like this but you trusted Baizhu enough to not scam you. After meticulously reading every line you signed the contract. You were required to work at least 4 days a week, but your hours seemed flexible. You swallowed your anxieties about Childe doing something stupid, he would tell you before right? Likely not seeing how spontaneous he can be, he would just have to seek you out at Bubu pharmacy and you would have to feign not knowing him.

You slid the contract back to him, black ink still glistening on the paper. You felt a spark up your forearm, you inhaled sharply, a reminder of Morax perhaps.

Baizhu gave a nod “Now, about Qiqi, you may have noticed she's not quite like a normal human child”

“I was wondering about that”

“She died quite a while ago, the adepti of Liyue blessed her so she may continue to live in the form of a zombie. Unfortunately due to her being a zombie she has very poor memory and she is unable to commence a task on her own”

You nod along, Baizhu continues “Any order you give her she will do and she will not stop until the task is completed, unless you give her a hug with enough conviction”

You smile a little bit, she was still somewhat human under all those frosty layers

“It’ll take a while for her to warm up to you, I would bring her some coconut milk when she asks for a ‘cocogoat’. Poor thing forgets what its called”

You nod, not having much to add.

“One more thing, if a woman by the name of Hu Tao comes around asking for Qiqi, say you do not know where she is. She’s the Director at Wangsheng Funeral Parlour”

“Right, I take it she wants Qiqi because she's technically dead?”

‘Correct”

Your eyes flick back to Changsheng, asleep around the lantern, soft orange glow dancing off her shining scales. “Is Changsheng alright? She seems less… chatty than she was yesterday”

Baizhu glances at Changsheng “She’ll be ok, as a cold blooded creature, the cold mornings in Liyue take a lot of energy from her. She’ll be ok once she's warmed up”

You nod “I see”

With that Baizhu prompt stands and exits the office “With that sorted, lets begin your training. First you must learn to harness your elemental energy more effectively” 

The day seeps into a mix of training and treating, Baizhu starts out by teaching you the fundamentals of Liyuan principles. That treatment involved both the body and soul, he teaches you to harness your elemental energy by using his Dendro Vision as an example. 

Oddly enough every time Baizhu attended to a patient you were sent out of the room, you had heard of his miracle work, perhaps it was his secret to keep. You could help but notice that Baizhu looked a little more weak every time he treated someone. The bags under his eyes grew darker, he seemed more and more tired. 

Soon enough you slip into an easy rhythm like you had back at the cathedral’s infirmary.

✧

Childe was escorted to a private room at the back of Luili Pavilion by a clearly nervous waitress. He stepped into the room, he barely registered the waitress saying she would be back to take orders in a bit. His attention was focused on the brown haired man sitting at the head of the table sipping tea.

Putting on his most outgoing personality he greeted the man “I take it you’re Zhongli? I’m glad we finally have the opportunity to meet” 

He sits himself down to face Zhongli “And you must be the Harbinger that has Liyue wrapped around his finger”

“Hah! You flatter me sir, I’m merely an envoy of her majesty here to oversee the Northland Bank for a while”

“I must say, I’m rather curious as to why you wished to meet me today” he placed the steaming teacup down and made eye contact with Childe “It's not everyday a Harbinger would take interest in a normal person”

“You’re well known around The Harbour for your extensive knowledge of Liyue’s history. I’m curious to learn about it” 

Childe omitted the rumours that he was an adeptus of some sorts. He wasn’t sure how much weight the rumours held or if they held any weight at all, he would have to judge that for himself. 

Zhongli took another sip of his tea “And what is it you wish to know Childe?”

“The adepti, I’ve heard legends of them but nobody here ever mentions them. If it were any other city gods walking among them would be the talk of the town” He looked directly Zhongli, wanting nothing but answers

Zhongli launches into a long-winded explanation “The adepti are bound to protect Liyue by a contract made with Morax, in an age gone by they fought to the death protecting Liyue during the Archon War and The Cataclysm” He pauses for a moment to take a sip of his tea and then continues “The ones who are left with a few exceptions have no interest in humans and their affairs. The adepti have all but left Liyue Harbour to be ruled by the Qixing”

“Where might you find the adepti now?” Childe traced a finger along the edge of his glass

“Juyen Karst. It would be a fool's errand to seek them out however. You would need a Sigil of Permission which have all but disappeared over the ages” 

Childe knew about the Sigils of course, but now the second piece of the puzzle had fallen into place, he knew where to find the adepti. Now all he needed was to find someone to carry out the dirty work. Going to see them himself would be too risky.

Childe continues to let Zhongli ramble on about the adepti and their history in the archon war. Telling a grand tale about something called ‘The Guili Assembly’ and a goddess of dust. After a short wait the food came out, instead of the fork and knife Childe was expecting he was presented with two wooden sticks. 

Zhongli picked them up with ease, Childe tried to replicate what he was doing briefly but after failing to pick up his food a few times he resolved to just stabbing the food with the chopstick. While Liyuean food was great he still missed the food of his home nation.

Zhongli didn't say anything but he could feel his eyes on him. At the end of the meal the waitress bought the check. Childe looked to Zhongli expecting him to pay his half.

“Ah, I'm afraid I do not have any Mora on my person” he confessed

Childe grit his teeth for a second before relenting, he had enough funds from Northland anyways “Don't worry, I can cover it. What's a little debt between friends anyways?” he joked.

“The storyteller at Heyu Teahouse is beginning soon, if you wish to learn more about Liyue’s history then you may accompany me” 

“I would be delighted to”

After paying for the admittedly expensive meal Chide and Zhongli set out. They quickly found seats just before The Teamaster began his tale, a popular epic of one of Morax’s battles during the Archon War. Liu Su cleared his throat and the crowd went silent. 

Master Liu Su was an excellent storyteller, weaving the threads together expertly. Zhongli on the other hand interrupted Liu Su more than once to correct him regarding some details of the story. Childe had expected the crowd to be annoyed at him but rather they seemed indifferent, like they were used to it. 

Perhaps there was weight to the rumours that Zhongli was an adeptus, he spoke as if he was there, in such a matter-of-fact tone as well. There was more to this man, no chance he was just a historian. Childe would just have to figure it out.

Liu Su wrapped up his tale and the crowd broke out into a polite applause, soon the air was filled with conversations. 

“It was lovely meeting you Zhongli, I find myself fascinated with Liyue’s history”

“If you wish to discuss it further and learn more, might I suggest we have another meal soon”

“That sounds delightful”

“Then it’s agreed”

✧

You returned to see Childe in a good mood. You were surprised to see him at home at all seeing as he had been all but a ghost for the last two days. You were still reeling from the conversation you had had. 

Childe looked up when he heard you step inside. He was standing over the stove with a piece of fish in hand. It looked strange to see a Harbinger in all his glory standing over a stove cooking. You approached him, standing next to him as he placed the piece of fish on the iron skillet.

“You can cook?” You question, taking in the scene 

“Of course, my Мама would have killed me and my brothers if we didn’t learn, something about finding a good wife” 

“Your mother, what’s she like?” Childe looks at you for a second before returning his attention to the pan, oil spitting as the fish crackles in the pan. 

“Kind, she's the best mother I could have asked for. She cares for all of my siblings younger and older. She could even wrangle my папа, father, out of a bad mood”

“How many siblings do you have?” You move to grab a thick wooden cutting board and a knife. You begin to cut the vegetables. 

“Six, three older and three younger, I'm right in the middle. The youngest two, Teucer and Anthon, don’t know that I work for the Fatui, they don’t know about my station as a Harbinger either. The others have agreed to keep quiet about it until they’re older”

“You want to keep them in the dark?”

“I want to preserve their innocence for as long as I can”

“That's… Rather admirable”

“Do you have any siblings, blood related that is”

You shake your head “No, and if I do I wouldn't know, all orphans are given to The Church or The Knights, considering the abyssal activity in Mondstadt has been particularly high there's a lot of children with dead parents” 

You wave your knife around for effect before continuing “The closest thing I had was Marianne”

“Marianne... You mentioned her before, another sister I’m guessing?”

“It’s complicated” you sigh “ Once I considered her as a second half of myself, a reflection if you will. But people change, she wanted to follow the path of what she thought was our duty and I didn’t” 

You don’t mention Mona’s prophecy for her, that she would be struck down in her prime, fighting for what she believed in. Marianne had dismissed the prophecy at the time, deeming it nothing but nonsense. 

Childe takes the slices of fish and places them on a plate, he grabs the now chopped vegetables and throws them in the pan and adds a little more oil. 

“One day I will cry for her” You said, moving to set two plates next to him and the cutlery on the table, you stripped yourself of your gloves. 

Deciding to change the subject, the fresh sting of Marianne still hurt too much.  “I haven’t seen you for the past few days, where have you been?” you ask

“Fatui business” He responds vaguely 

“Which means?” 

“Just lunch with a contact”

“I find that rather hard to believe Harbinger ” 

“How so?” He takes the pan off the fire and serves the vegetables, placing them on the table, you both take your respective seats. 

“I’m just surprised you haven't killed anything yet” you stab the fish with your fork and take a bite. Merde, It was delicious. 

“You sound so sure of yourself” he snarked 

“Oh so you have killed someone in the three short days we've been here” you glance up at him through your lashes 

“You shouldn’t be so surprised. If it helps it was in self defence” 

You shrug “You’re right I shouldn’t. Suppose its part of your job”

“I’m assuming you got the apprenticeship?” He pokes at the vegetables

“I was wondering when you would ask”

“So you did get it?”

You nod “Yes, with that being said I’ll be at Bubu Pharmacy so if you need me you’ll have to go there. I'll give you my schedule”

“Sounds good. I tend to find myself fighting at night anyways” He stands up and clears the plates “With that being said were headed to Mount Tianheng, there's a few hilichurl camps out there”

“We?” You cross your arms 

“Yep. We” he shrugs on his jacket and shoves on his boots and strides out the door. You resigned and followed him. 

You tail behind him from a distance without him asking you to, knowing the agreement about being associated with each other. After a short while you exit the city and catch up with him once you were sure there was nobody around. 

“Have you still got that catalyst I gave you?” 

You pull the weapon out, its form revealing itself with a golden sheen, letting it float beside you. 

“Good. You see that hilichurl? Shoot it” He points in the direction of the creature, it was hunched over digging in the dirt

You hesitate for a minute, trying to justify it. If you did not strike first it would hurt you. Taking a deep breath you formed a hydro dagger instead of a water droplet. It wasn’t the best but it would do for now. 

“Don’t hesitate in battle, that gives your opponent more time to land a hit on you” Childe comments

Letting it float, you aim it at the stray hilichurl and throw it with all the force you have, leaving a glimmering trail of hydro. It grazes the hilichurl’s blackened arm. It jumps to attention, letting out a screech, turning its body towards you. Without thinking you form a second dagger and throw it at the rapidly approaching hilichurl, bracing your knees getting ready to dodge.

This time it struck true embedding itself in the hilichurl’s stomach, it staggered a little.

Childe walked up behind you placing his hands on your shoulders, he leans in and whispers “Now finish it off” 

Gathering all your energy you throw one last hydro dagger, it lands in its throat. The hilichurl gurgles and dissipates into nothing but black smoke curling towards the night sky. You swallowed, hands shaking. 

“You did well, I like the daggers, very creative” he said jauntily, he keeps on walking not waiting for you. You jog to catch up with him. 

“Why did you bring me here?” you question him sharply

“What I can't enjoy spending time with you?” 

“And you do that by killing things?” 

“Tch- Their hilichurls, If anything its letting off some steam”

“Why would you think I would enjoy that?” you huff “I only agreed to learn to fight so I would be able to defend myself in case someone found out about us or the knights were tailing me”

“You would have to kill them anyways, might as well learn to make that final hit without hesitation”

You bit your lip, he was right of course. Letting a loose end hand was a horribly dangerous idea. Still, the thought of killing anything made you feel sick, you would just have to hope you never got into that situation. 

“Come, there's a camp not far ahead”

“If you want me to fight a whole camp then you would be mistaken”

“You’ll be fine, you have me as backup”

“...Right”

You walk a little further up the path, rounding a large rock to see the rudimentary camp. There were a few hilichirls milling around and one particularly menacing looking mitachurl. Childe draws his dual blades and you draw your catalyst.

Childe rushes into the camp, you stay back more than happy to keep your distance. Childe becomes nothing more than a flurry of movement. Blades converging to make a polearm, splitting to make a bow. The lower part of his red scarf moving like fire.

You summon a dagger and throw it at a hilichurl on the edge of the camp, it hits its back. It charges at you, swinging its bat a trail of flame lighting up the darkness. You sidestep its charge and hit it with a charged attack. It falls back and dies. 

The second time didn’t make it easier, you just wanted to go back to Liyue Harbour. In the time it took you to take down one hilichurl Childe had cleared the camp. His eyes lit up with what you could assume was battle-lust. 

There was a small spatter of blood along his cheek. You approach him, wiping the blood off his face, flicking your hand to get rid of it. 

“I don't understand you, how can you find joy in this?”

“I don’t understand how you can’t, its exhilarating” 

“Let’s go back to Liyue Harbour, I can’t stand the stench of abyssal creatures”

Childe averts his gaze, you notice his eyebrows furrow momentarily and his jaw clench 

“That's probably for the best, I forgot how hard the first few kill were”

Why did he react that way to you saying you hated the smell of the abyss? There was something more here. A problem for later you decided. You were just happy you were finally heading back to the safety of the Harbour.

[ashwithapen]

poem #8

(this one is a long one and comes with a list of TWs, so the actual poem is below the cut. this one is also a lot more prose-poetry/slam poetry-esque than my other stuff :thumbsup:)

TW for school shootings, trans genocide/transphobia, abortion (mentioned), police brutality (mentioned), suicide (mentioned).

the thing about TikTok written 4 april 2023

y’know, i only opened this app because i saw a clip somewhere of one of my favourite bands. the singer made a joke in Scotland last night, and surely someone had to have posted a better-quality video on TikTok.

it was the first thing i saw when the app loaded, because they just know me so well. i watched it and saved it so that i can watch it again as a distraction or something later. but then i made the mistake of scrolling.

the next thing i saw was a 5-minute video about how people my age and younger were screaming for their lives just across the pond outside of government buildings. they are desperate not to be killed in their classrooms, desperate to live through this semester, desperate to be heard, but the suit-wearing rulers shuffled through their 1000-person sea, one foot at a time like it was dark and they couldn’t see the people my age and younger lining the walls, holding their signs, screaming for change. i watch it, and i have to keep scrolling.

some video about all the shit you can buy for just 8 USD from a gas station in Japan. i don’t watch the whole thing; i keep scrolling.

someone with a cool haircut is sitting on the floor of their bedroom, crying. the sound playing is saying something from a show i haven’t watched about a storybook fox who is sick and tired of living in a hole. they are crying, the tags say that they are trans, and they are crying. their bio says they are just 14, that’s three whole years younger than i am and something in me surges because that is my sibling whose name i don’t know and that i may never get to because the threat of genocide has them, 14, crying on their bedroom floor. not tonight, i think in silence. i do not want to cry tonight. and so i keep scrolling.

and the next video is an indie artist who didn’t exist a year and a half ago, but even so, their new single that when viral drops in a few nights so i follow their page and i hold my breath: should i scroll again? i do, i don’t learn.

and there’s a joke i don’t get with the loudest fucking noise i’ve ever heard. it makes no sense, i scroll again.

oh look, a 9-year-old girl who got shot when she went back to pull the fire alarm so her classmates would know to run. run. run. her face is the centrepiece, her smile from an earlier date something i need to learn to shake off by tonight. i can’t even imagine what being her might have been like. i scroll again.

a cover of a song, sung atop guitar chords; another joke that the comments don’t explain to me either; another reminder of the imposing genocide; abortion bans are being enforced; they’re using force against unarmed protesters again; a poem spoken to me by a person named Lee; more tour clips to distract me; some statistics about teen suicide rates rising in the States; and one of those checkpoints that tells you that it’s time for a break. stand up, stretch, get some water. the song playing low in the background is one i’ve heard maybe a hundred times by now, but i do as i’m instructed, and i take a deep breath.

my curtains are open and i can see through my window. i remember the song i started writing the other day about how people like me seldom live long enough to see their hair turn grey. i remember how i couldn’t finish it off because something salty and wet rubbed the ink off my page and i closed my book and i pretended that i wasn’t upset, like how, in an hour from now, when dinner is served hot in front of me and they ask me “how has your day been?” i will pretend my phone is not heavy in my pocket and that the kids' shouting isn’t plaguing me and that trans people aren’t losing their right to exist and be free and that a girl half my age wasn’t shot because she got unlucky one day.

and i regret opening TikTok every time that i do because i always fail to miss all those kids i heard dance on here. instead, i get singers on stages and artists who speak and kids who know how to barricade doors with desks and bookshelves and how to defend themselves with their trendy metal water bottles, and news about the latest legislation passed that ensures that more kids will be forcefully born into a cyclical mess where they don’t get to grow up without routine checks as to whether they can tell apart a juice box pop and a gunshot.

and there are not enough words to tell you all the things i have heard scrolling through TikTok, where the mothers are gentle with their children until they go to sleep, because then they take off their soft tones and don their broken voices, screaming out in hopes that their kids won’t have to.

it has to be a phenomenon: the ability you need to grow by my age if you want to use an app as unsuspecting as the sound of a clock, TikTok. if you cannot master empathy and apathy and the way in which you must be able to switch between one and the other at the littlest flick of your wrist because what’s funny one minute must always precede the latest tragedy, death giving way to a joke and a smirk from a pretty girl in a skirt whose page a month ago was all about ways you can help in Ukraine, but clearly, she has become a master of this miracle.

and at the end of it all, when it has been hours of hearing about Neo-nazis and the generalised patriarchy and the right or wrong ways to raise bread yeast, i think three things:

one: a simmering roll of “wow”. both my empathy and apathy have been expended, and now, i have nothing left to give.

two: i am never coming back here again, like a hotel where they promise a rest, a break, a chance to get away from your day-to-day stress. one star.

three: oh look, my band said something funny again, and god, i could use a distraction.

[the-galaxy-writer]

Divine Intervention

Chapter 1

Trigger Warning:

This story contains many heavy topics such as neglect, abuse, imprisonment, suicidal ideations and actions, and many other terrible topics. If any of these disturb you, don’t read this story.

Raven woke up again, she had no memory of what had happened a few hours earlier. The alarm clock read 8:23 AM. All she could feel was her stomach rumbling, she needed food.

Raven slowly climbed out of bed, she was now away from her comfort space. She walked through the door and into the hallway. As she moped across the floor, she saw her mom. Her mother was still laying on the weathered couch, watching whatever was on the television. Raven continued to the kitchen.

Once again, a tight fit, but she could make it into the pantry. She opened the door to find a loaf of slightly moldy bread, two boxes containing stale cereal, and a few cockroaches scattering through some tomato soup cans.

This sight would have disgusted Raven a few months ago, but she couldn’t care anymore. She just wanted food, so she reached for the cereal. She believed the cereal to be the least putrid option.

The bowl she ate out of was a deep ocean blue, it was made of a very sturdy plastic, with only a few scratches being visible. The cereal was dry, Raven preffered her cereal dry. Even if she wanted milk, she didn’t have the money to get it. The cereal was crunchy, and some pieces were extremely difficult to chew, it was like chewing on a rock. Raven finally found her bowl empty, with only a few crumbs remaining. She added the bowl to the pile of dishes accumulating in the sink. She would clean them later…

Raven walked out to the living room. She tried greeting her mom. but there was no reply. She tried to ask about her day, but there was no reply. She tried to ask what she was watching, but there was no reply.

Raven finally gave up and went back into her room. She was finally back to her comfort space. Raven kept a small journal hidden under her pillow, she had it for quite a while now. Her father gave it to her as a gift about a year ago. Raven wrote about her life in that journal. Sometimes, Raven liked to sit in her bed, and read all of the stories contained on the many pages.

Raven would usually skip all of the pages toward the beginning of the journal because they all mentioned her father. Raven misses her father, sometimes she wonders how he’s doing. He was taken away from her. It devestated both Raven and her mom. Her father would be back soon though, but not soon enough.

Raven reached the final page in her journal, it was the page she wrote yesterday. The page looked like this:

September 17, 2023

Mom is unresponsive again, as always. I’ve been trying to talk to her, but nothing works. I try to ask her about her day, I try to ask her about the shows she watches, but nothing. Sometimes she just glances at me, no words, just a look. I feel so alone, I wish dad were here, and I wish I could go to school. I don’t know what to do, I just wish that something would happen to give me some hope.

Raven had crossed out the mention of her dad, she would write about him a lot, but she would always cross him out before she could go any deeper. She didn’t want to think about him for too long, thinking about him for too long would result in an ocean of tears.

She wrote a new entry into her journal, this one was a little more hopeful the the previous few. This is what Raven wrote:

September 18, 2023

The past few pages in this journal have been… very negative… but I think if I try hard enough to be positive, then eventually good things should come along! I’ll try talking to mom more, I’ll finally wash the dishes, I’ll try to go to school, and I’ll try to stop being so sad all the time!

Raven felt very motivated now, after reading all of the previous entries, she wanted to change. She made a list of all of her goals:

Try talking to mom more

Wash the dishes

Go to school

Stop being so sad

Raven was so sure she could complete these goals, she wanted to get started immediately! She ran out to the kitchen, her mother was still laying on the couch. Raven squeezed into the kitchen, and took a look at the dishes.

The pile made her a little uneasy, but she knew she could do it! She took the plastic, blue bowl in her hand, turned the faucet, and… nothing. Right… there was no water. There hadn’t been water for a couple months now. Raven was defeated, she was so excited to get started on completing these tasks, and she failed at what she thought was the easiest one.

Raven moped back to her room. She felt so stupid. How did she forget about the water? How could she forget about the water? How DARE she forget about the water! Raven laid in bed, staring at the list. The list taunted her for a while. Suddenly, an idea rushed into Raven’s head.

She took a page out of her journal, and her pencil, and began to sketch. Lines formed shapes on the page, shading brought the image to life. After many long hours, she was done. The image depicted a large vase carrying many lovely flowers. The words “I love my mom,” were written on the vase. Raven felt the drawing was too childish, but it was the best she could think of.

Raven slowly walked down the hall. Her mother was still lying on the couch. She gave a quiet hello to her mother before presenting the image to her. Raven’s mom slowly reached out and gently grabbed the page. She inspected the sketch carefully. Raven could feel the silence, the judgement. Two small words quietly floated into Raven’s ears.

“thank you”

The words brought a slight warmth into Raven’s heart. She said goodbye to her mother and walked back to her room. Those two words bounced around Raven’s head for the rest of the night. It was the first time her mom had said anything to her in a long time.

Raven looked at her alarm clock, 9:57 PM. So much of the day had been spent drawing, and thinking about two little words. Raven thought that was enough for one day. Raven put her pajamas on, but this time, she walked back out to the hallway. Raven didn’t want to push her mother too hard, but she wanted to say something to her.

“Goodnight… I love you”.

It was silent, Raven stared at the back of her mom’s head. Raven was preparing to walk back to her room, when a few words tickled her ears.

“I love you too…”

Raven smiled as she walked back into her room. She felt happy, after all this time, she finally felt joy. Raven laid in a blanket of darkness, the dark wasn’t quite as cold as it was before.

While Raven and her mother slept, the night grew darker and colder. A freezing chill floated outside. A few light crunching of leaves could be heard. The footsteps grew closer, a dark figure was approaching the house. Boots clacked on the concrete steps of the porch, The doorknob on the front door jiggled slightly, and with a quiet twist, the door opened. There is now another person in the house.

The dark, black boots clacked and clicked against the floorboards. A slow thumping sound, with the occasional creak echoed through the sorrowful walls. After a few minutes of rummaging around and placing items in a large bag, the figure left. The once empty house was now even emptier, the once broken dreams were now completely shattered.

It was the birds that woke Raven up. Weird… her alarm clock didn’t go off… what time was it anyway? She looked to her bedside table, but there was nothing there, no alarm clock, not even the table was there. What? Where was it? Raven got up out of bed, she looked around her room. Odd… most of the stuff in her room was gone. There were a few items on the floor, she didn’t remember putting any of them there though. Had her mom gone through her room? She opened her bedroom door and peeked down the hallway, all she could see from there was the kitchen, and a slight view of the living room. The kitchen appeared messier than usual, and what she could see in the living room didn’t look quite right. She approached closer to the living room.

When Raven reached the living room, she was shocked. Everything in there was missing, the old vase, the old television, even the small rug was gone! A few photos sat scattered across the floor, and a few frames were smashed. The only other piece of furniture that was still in the living room was the worn down, scratched up couch that her mother was lying in.

Raven was sent into a panicked frenzy. Where had everything gone? What was she going to do? Raven screamed for her mother, crying out to her in cold, chilling fear. Her mother’s eyes creeped open. no words were said as she sat up from the couch, and took a look around the empty room.

“Where’s our stuff?”

The words drifted out of her mouth like tumbleweeds in a desert. Raven gave a panicked reply.

“MOM! WE’VE BEEN ROBBED!”

Raven’s voice echoed through the whole house. The room fell silent, the cars outside rushed past the house and through the suburban neighborhood. A single dry leaf danced across the sky before silently falling to it’s death. All of this happened, but not for Raven or her mother, the world didn’t move for them.

This was the first time in three months that Raven saw her mom stand up off the couch. A horrible stench was wafted into the air, but Raven didn’t notice it. Raven’s mother told her to stay in the house. Raven watched her mom walk out the door.

Where was her mother going? Why did she tell Raven to stay at the house? These questions circled Raven’s brain. It was at this moment when Raven looked down at the couch. The couch was sagging where her mother once laid. Raven didn’t know what to do, she pondered if she should try to follow her mother or obey and stay where she was. Raven decided to obey her mother, it was the least she could do for her after all that’s happened.

About half an hour goes by, Raven’s mom enters the home. A couple of officers march in behind her. The two officers look around the home suspiciously.

“Okay, we’re going to need to start an investigation” one of the officers stated.

“We’re going to need you two to leave the home for a little bit, okay?”

Raven’s mom walked toward the door, Raven followed her quietly. Raven’s mom sat on the grass, Raven couldn’t tell what was going through her mind. She sat beside her mother, watching as cars zoomed past the house, they could feel the eyes judging them. They both looked on at the shining sun. Everything was gone, that theif took more than just material objects, they took their joy, their happiness, their souls.

Raven watched as her mom’s face went from a blank, seemingly lifeless expression, to a slight frown with a few stray tears leaving her eyes. Raven’s mom held her face in her hands, the tears came pouring out. Raven didn’t know what to do, she’d lost everything, she lost her mother’s happiness.

They sat in the grass for what seemed like an eternity. Occasionally, they would see one of the officers step out of the house to take a look around outside. At some point, one of the officers stood beside both Raven and her mother, the officer asked a few questions.

“Do you remember anything at night, anything suspicious?”

“No, it was just a regular night, we didn’t see anything and we didn’t hear anything.”

“Do you know exactly what items were stolen?”

“Yes, the crook took the television, an old vase, and my daughter’s alarm clock and her table.”

“Could you describe those items for me?”

“The TV is very old and boxy, sort of a 1970s to 1980s style, the vase is plain white with a few light pink flower designs on it, my daughters alarm clock is a brown, retro analog clock that rings like a bell to wake you, and the table is wooden and circular in shape, with some wooden rods holding it up.”

“Okay, thank you, we’ll keep an eye out for any objects matching those descriptions.”

The other officer sauntered to their location. After the left officer stopped speaking, the right officer began.

“The criminal must have entered through the front door, I couldn’t find any other points of entry. We will keep the questions you answered as evidence. We will question the residents of this neighborhood to see if we can get more information. If you think of anything else, please be sure to contact us!”

Raven’s mother quietly replied,

“Thank you, officers.”

“You’re welcome ma’am, have a good day.”

The officers got in their car and drove away. Raven stood up next to her mother. Her mother just looked at her in pure disbelief and sadness. They both sat there on the front lawn watching the red and orange leaves dance across the sky.

The only thing floating in Raven’s head was a feeling of uselessness. Raven felt more useless than ever before. She couldn’t speak, she didn’t even want to look at her mother. Many tears were shed on that lawn.

A few minutes passed by, Raven’s mom stood up and walked back into the house. Raven stayed seated on the grass, the remnants of tears sparkled on her cheeks. What was she going to do? It seems the more she tries, the more she fails.

Raven finally got up from her sad spot. She turned away from the road, and began to approach the house. Raven felt terrible, a horrible feeling went from her throat to her stomach. She was tired, even though the sun was still high in the sky. Once Raven walked through that door, she saw her mom on the couch. She was laying there looking more miserable than she was before. This sight sparked something horrible in Raven.

Raven’s mom wasn’t happy, and all of her belongings were taken, but, maybe something else lingered in the house. Raven walked into the hallway, toward the door on the far end, it was her mother’s room. She opened the door, and saw an array of items scattered across the floor. She carefully stepped through the shattered picture frames, the torn pages, and an image of her father. Looking at the image of her father made a few tears well up in her eyes, but she didn’t have time to cry. She crouched down near her mom’s bed, she could smell the dust and negligence. After shuffling around under the bed, she found it. It was a small briefcase made of very clearly fake leather. It wasn’t the briefcase that Raven was after, it was what was inside. The briefcase contained a dangerous item, something that could prove disastrous if put in the wrong hands. The item she was after was her mom’s revolver.

Raven had searched for this item previously, but everytime she went anywhere near the briefcase, she would stop herself, but not this time. Raven creeped into her room with the briefcase in her hand. The texture was rough, and felt very worn out. Raven put the briefcase on her bed. She stood there, breathing heavily. She took her journal from out under her pillow, she flipped through the many pages. She found a blank page and began to write one last entry.

September 19, 2023

Goodbye mom, if you’re reading this, I’m probably already gone. Don’t blame this on yourself, you should continue living your life. Maybe you could get a job, make some money, and fix this house. I wish I could help you with all of this, but I’m too useless. I feel like I can’t do anything right. I love you, and I hope you can figure all of this stuff out.

Raven’s own writing made even more tears leave her eyes. She placed the journal on the floor, and took a look at the briefcase. She slowly opened the zipper, and took a peak inside. There was a small case, probably containing bullets, and the revolver. The metal reflected the small amount of sun that was peaking through the blinds. Raven grabbed the case of bullets first, she opened it up and saw only a few rimmed cartridges inside. Her mother was probably saving these bullets for something important. Raven looked back at the revolver, has it really come down to this? She took the revolver in her hand, slightly rubbing the smooth metallic surface.

Raven loaded the gun, she had learned how to do this from her mother in case of an emergency a few years back. She opened the cylinder with a click, and found the revolver empty. She took a few rimmed cartridges, tilted the gun down slightly, and slid the cartridges into the cylinder. With one final click, the cylinder was closed, the gun was now fully loaded, fully dangerous.

Raven’s head flooded with a few last thoughts as she raised the gun up.

“This is it, huh? I couldn’t even make my own mom happy. I am useless, I’m a disgrace and a disappointment. I deserve this.”

The gun was getting higher, higher, and finally, Raven rested the tip of the revolver on her cranium. The gun was cold, the air was cold, everything was freezing. Raven’s finger toyed with the trigger for a moment, her grasp slowly getting firmer and firmer. She was hesitant, her head was beginning to flood with doubts.

“I can’t do this. I might make my mom’s life worse. What if my mom can’t handle my death. What will happen when my dad comes back? He’ll find his daughter dead.”

Raven’s eyes finally released the tears, a few droplets of sweat began to form on her forehead. She couldn’t do it, she didn’t want to do it. She was lowering the gun from her head, but then her eye caught something. Something was shining outside her window, something blue, her eyes were too blurry to make out exactly what it was. The light seemed to be getting closer. Raven held the revolver in one hand, and quickly wiped away her tears in the other. When Raven finally opened her eyes, the light seemed to be dimming. Was it just in her imagination? She turned away from the window, and that’s when she saw him, standing in the doorway, illuminated by a faint, waning, blue light.

[wildbanana]

Mention of alcohol, drugs(weed).

Introduction to Farcus, Nicky and Scarlet.

Farcus: he/it Nicky: he/they Scarlet: they/them

During the early hours of 7 am, Nicky wakes up having to piss. Urgently. He walks to the bathroom still half asleep, which leads him to walk into the locked bathroom door.

“Farcus, man. How many times do I have to tell you, stop falling asleep in my bathroom. You always lock the door and I have to wait for you to wake up from your drunken sleep.” Nicky says mildly frustrated.. Farcus is still waking up. “Did you hear me?”

“Yeah…yeah I did. Sorry, still-“ *burps* “-still waking up.” He responds all slow and groggy.

Nicky sighs, grabbing different bottles from a nearby table. “Open up, some aspirin and water. I even have some liquid I.V…” Farcus gets the door open and Nicky comes in with the bottles. “Here…”

“Thanks Nicky,” he says, voice gravelly. “I don’t know what I’d do with out ya.”

“Probably out in a ditch man, you have got to lay up on the alcohol.”

Farcus sighs. “I know…I know…” he moves himself to the bed to lay down, taking some aspirin and water before doing so. “Can’t deny last night was fun though…” Farcus grins as his eyes start to droop shut.

“Once you’re feeling alright, you should come outside with me. Get you some fresh air, maybe go for a ride?” Nicky asks.

Softly. “Yeah…I’d love that…”

“Hell yeah, I’ve had some ideas actually.” Now excited since writing music is one of his favorite things to do. Once Nicky starts writing, you have to pull him away from the pages.

Farcus smiles sleepily at his friend. He thinks about how grateful he is for the friends he’s got.

“Maybe one day our music will take us someplace bigger and better… maybe we’ll find more people like us Nicky.” He moves to lay on his back to look up at the ceiling that’s still spinning.

“Yeah, me too. I appreciate the few out there who’s supporting us already.” He pulls a stress ball out of his pocket, gently squeezing it. “Would you like some toast? I’ll go make you some toast.”

“Toast would be LOVELY Nicky…thanks.” He sits up to add the liquid I.V. packet to his water. “The sooner I feel better, the sooner we can create…” he grins to himself.

The two take the morning to recoup and discuss what they plan to write next, but let’s take a step back and rewind back to lasts night wild adventure. What led up to Farcus ending up in the toilet this morning…

The day before, 8 pm. It’s a Friday night and the band meets at their local bar.

Farcus and Nicky had met up with the rest of the band. Which was one other person… but hey. You make do with what you got, right?

“Heyyyy, Scarlet!!” Farcus runs up to them. “Hug?” He asks before pouncing. Scarlet gives an approving nod. Farcus gives them a good squeeze before letting go. “How’s the crowd? Is Ben working tonight?”

“Eh, could be a better night. But now that you’re here we can really get this party started! And yeah, Ben’s here.” Scarlet grins. “Come on, I’m already three drinks in. He’s got something waiting for you guys to try. It’s really good!” Scarlet wobbles a little as they turn around but they catch themself before tripping. They’re a bit of a light weight so three is about enough for em.

“Looks like you’re already at your limit I see, ya should’ve waited for us!” Nicky teases putting his arm around them.

The group enter the bar and Farcus steps right in up to the counter.

“Oh Beeennnn, we’ve arrived!” He hollers out.

Ben overhears from the kitchen and comes out and greets the two that just arrived.

“Hey hey hey! How are we doing tonight? I’m sure Scarlet already told ya I whipped up something new to try.” He grins, excited to share.

“Yeah, they sure did. I can’t wait to see what you got back there man. I know it’s gonna be bomb!” Farcus licks his lips, ready to have the best night of his life.

“Well alright! Why wait any longer? I’ll go make them up right quick.” He walks back into the kitchen to make his concoctions. After a few minutes he comes back out with these beautiful drinks.

Nicky’s jaw drops. “AND it’s a frozen drink?? Oooh Ben you did NOT.”

“But I did!” His smile wide. “I’m so excited to start serving frozen drinks now! Especially with summer coming up. It’s gonna be h-o-t HOT!”

“You can say that again. Now lemme get a taste of this! I can’t stop staring at how pretty the colors are too!” The drink is a nice light shade of blues and pinks.

Farcus and Nicky open up their straws and take a sip. Their eyes widen.

“Oh that’s dangerous, you can’t taste the alcohol.” Nicky looks to Farcus.

“Did you put extra in there for me?” Farcus asks Ben.

“I sure did. And I still hid the taste, yes?” He grins.

“For sure, you’re the best man. Really, one day you gotta get outta here and show the world what you can do with these drinks my man.” Farcus encourages him.

“Shucks man, you’re gonna make me blush.” He jests. “But yeah, one day. I’m trying to save up to get out of here eventually…that’s gonna be a long while until then.”

“I feel you there…” Farcus looks to his friends then back to Ben. “One day we’ll get outta here too with our music.”

“Have you guys written anything new?”

“Mm not yet. Still gotta write a new single.” Farcus reaches for his septum to put it back in place. “But I’ve been writing down ideas in my notebook for themes I’m going for when I sit down and write the song.”

“Well I can’t wait to hear what you’re thinking up in there. Now, y’all relax and enjoy those drinks. First one’s on the house!” He turns around and goes back to the kitchen. The group yell out their thanks before finding a table to sit at.

“So…” Scarlet speaks up. “What’s the move tonight? What kind of trouble do we wanna get into?”

“Hm…I wanna make it kind of exciting for the coppers. I’m sure they need something to do around this little town.” Nicky thinks. “What can we do that we haven’t already done thought?”

“Ugh.” Farcus chimes in. “That’s the prob, we’ve already done just about anything we could think of. What’s more exciting than setting that old run down building on fire?”

“That was like, the most exciting thing I’ve seen happen in this town.” Nicky replies.

“Now I want s’mores…” Scarlet’s stomach growls.

“That’s an idea I suppose, we could have some drinks and then set us up a nice little bonfire back at our place.” Farcus suggests.

“Sounds like a good time to me. I’ll stay sober enough so somebody can be in control of the fire alright?”

“More drinks for us then!” Farcus jokes then takes a sip or two from his drink. “Man, Ben really outdid himself huh? Shit is delicious.”

The crew sit, chat and drink for a while before they decide to leave the bar and set up their bonfire in their backyard.

Nicky laid out blankets and bean bags for them to sit on. Farcus sits between the two, Scarlet leaning their head on Farcus’s shoulder.

“Hey, could you make me a S’more Nicky?” Scar asks softly then yawns.

“Sure thing.” He gets a skewer and digs for a marshmallow. “Burnt to a crisp?”

“You know me so well.” They smile.

Nicky sticks the mellow into the fire and sets it ablaze. “One crisp mellow coming right up!” He sticks the skewer in the ground as the mellow darkens. He sets up the crackers and chocolate, blowing out the flame in the now gooey mellow, he squeezes them together sandwiching the mellow to remove it from its skewer. “Here you go Scar.”

They sit up and grab their s’more. “ mmm mm thank you Nicky!” They take a bite. “Perfection!” They munch on their s’more and then begin to drift away to a light slumber on Farcus’s shoulder.

“Looks like they’re out for the night…” Nicky says.

Farcus is sunken into the bean bag that was brought out. “I don’t blame them, it’s cozy out here.”

“Speaking of sleepy… look what I got for us.” Nicky pulls out a special little bag of edibles. “I got these for you…” his face growing red from the alcohol setting in.

Farcus looks him in the eyes, oblivious to his own rosy cheeks. Those drinks are now starting to creep up on him. “Man, whatever he put in those drinks…it’s starting to creep up on me man…”

Nicky laughs. “Would you still like one?”

“Does a fish glubba glub?” Farcus smiles with his teeth real wide.

Nicky laughs. “Man, that’s how you know it’s hitting ya.” He reaches into the bag and holds out his hand.

Farcus leans forward, carefully to not disturb Scarlet, opening his mouth awaiting the gummy. “Aaahhhhh!”

Nicky places the cube onto Farcus’s pierced tongue. “Now these are REAL strong.” He then places one in his own mouth. “Now to wait for these bad boys to kick in. I’ll grab myself another beer from the fridge. Don’t let the fire eat ya!” Nicky walks inside.

“Yeah yeah!” He says before Nicky is out of ear shot. He turns his head to face Scarlet as they start to slowly wake back up.

“How long was I out?” Scarlet yawns.

“Not very long actually…we just took a gummy. Want one too?” He offers.

“I think I’ll actually head home, gotta go check on my ferret.”

“Oh yeah, gotta take care of your little fur -erp- baby!”

“Did that alcohol just now kick in?”

“Sure did, pretty much when you shut your eyes.” A grin is plastered on its face.

“Heh, of course.”

Nicky comes back out. “Ah, you’re awake again Scar!”

“Was wondering where you wandered off to.” They smile. “I was actually about to walk home.”

“We’ll walk ya! You can walk, right Farcus?”

“Yeah, I’m goooood.” He says as Scarlet gets up offering their hand to help him up.

“Careful now, you’re loooking a bit wobbly.” Scar holds onto Farcus.

“I’m good I’m good!” He shoots up, shooting straight up like he was called to attention.

“Man, what did Ben put in that drink…” Nicky laughs.

“Well I’m surprised he didn’t just collapse just then!”

“I believe him now about being good! But we’ll see how he feels once the gummy kicks in. So we better be quick, good thing you’re right down the road.”

The three walk to Scarlet’s home making sure they make it back safely during the night hours. Nicky and Farcus then make their way back to their place.

“Hey-hic- Hey Nicky…I’m gonna go soak my ass in the tub mmmmmmkay?”

“Haha, yeah sure man. See you in a bit.”

Farcus stumbles his way to the bathroom, fumbling to take his clothes off. His boxers still attached to his ankle, he starts up the tub. He turns to the radio on the counter and turns it on. Tool is playing on a CD.

“Ooooh yes, this is gonna be sooo- hic- nice. And I think the gummy is taking over me.” He kicks his boxers away and takes a seat in the warm water filling up. “Shoot, I just might fall asleep here…” he starts to sing along a little to his music.

After he washes himself he can’t help but relax and begin to drift to sleep. Nicky had been sitting and waiting for such a while now that he ended up falling asleep on the couch.

End part 1.

[eilinelsghost]

🟥How long do you spend in edits?

🏡What is your perfect writing envrionment?

💪What motivates you to write?

:)

(For these fanfic writing asks.)

🟥How long do you spend in edits?

This really depends on the piece. I tend to do a lot of editing while I go (which is part of what makes me such a slow writer) and I really struggle with letting myself have a scene sitting in a first draft state, so quite a few editing hours are hidden away in there. But once a piece is finished, I usually do a thorough readthrough and edit, which usually takes anywhere from 4-8 hours depending on the length of the piece. Then a last read-through before posting that is more for proofreading and fine tweaks, which usually takes slightly longer than the regular reading time for the piece.

🏡What is your perfect writing environment?

At home, on my couch, with the windows open on a spring or fall day where I can hear the wind in the trees outside the window and the birdsong. Well, that's out of the environments I actually write in. As far as aspirationally...hmm. I'm not actually sure. Somewhere with the same fresh air and nature necessity, but I don't have a specific vision besides that.

💪What motivates you to write?

Goodness. This is a great question and I'm not sure how to answer it in the least. When I was a kid, I wrote because it was like breathing - something that just happened without me realizing it and something that felt vitally necessary to my own presence in the world.

Now...? I think it's a combination of things. Fear, unfortunately, is in there - because I had 10-15 year stretch where I couldn't write a single thing and felt utterly loose and aimless during that. Atandil is actually what ended it. And I am regularly in fear that if I don't keep pushing through, it will dry up again and I'll be back in that desert for who knows how long.

But more than that, it's that there is some deep, existential rest that comes whenever I get the words down on the page in a way I know is *just right* and I've never found that in anything else. Creating is sustaining. And the more I've had writing present again in my daily life, the more I see the world around me, the more I notice details I missed before, the more the beauty jumps out from everything. That has been a lifeline as I've worked through depression and anxiety these past few years and has been a source of constancy when so many other things have felt shaky.

Thanks so much for the ask! (And sorry for getting all earnest on main lol.)

[axesilly]

i cant afford therapy so im going to talk about my troubles on here because i dont know what else to do 👍 i dont know if this will reach anyone but it might make me feel better. sorry if its a bit lengthy, ive had these feelings for a while

for the sake of anonymity and my own safety i will not be mentioning any names of people, towns, or schools :]

so im in college, im an art major. im from a small town with nothing to do except go to a mall the next town over and im going to college in another small town 5 hours away from home. this small town also has jack shit to do unless you drive 45 minute to an hour away. im currently in my spring semester of my freshman year and i have gotten so absolutely mentally and physically drained since i got a fast food job. i got a job making pizzas at yknow one of those big chain corporations pizza places, and the store i work at has only been open a few months. its absolutely chaotic and no one knows how to do anything except a few select people. my boss, the general manager, also doesnt know how to do anything because its his first time doing something like this. one of the other managers also only works there because hes friends with the general manager and he is not the greatest person, as he tends to sexually harrass the staff including a friend i made there. now ive already put in my two weeks last saturday, but that doesnt take away from how drained this job has made me.

Since the spring semester started ive been constantly piled with work (one week i was scheduled 6 days in a row when i had a big project to work on, i had a breakdown at work to my general manager), writing assignments, and project after project. (not even kidding my drawing professor gives us a new project the same day we turn one in) in my senior year of high school i loved fine arts and i believed that i wanted to follow in my art teachers footsteps and pursue my love of art and make art for my career. and while i do still love fine arts and making art, i just cannot do this constantly. since just before my spring break i started not going to my classes as consistently and i swore to myself i would start going again after the break. well that break just made it worse it seems because everything has just gone more and more downhill. i have still been missing classes because some days its difficult to get out of bed and i do not have the motivation to go to class just to sit there and not be able to pay attention for an hour/hour and a half. im behind on a project for one of my classes because i havent gone since ive been back from spring break (two weeks). i have an exam for one of my classes soon and im not even close to prepared. i had a 3 page essay due last night i started but havent finished (luckily i can turn it in a little late). it may sound lazy but these are my real struggles with my mental health. i feel trapped here. i do have a license and a car, i do have transportation so i can go places, but its such an old car it has so many problems (one which has arisen recently being if i stop somewhere and turn my car off, it wont crank back up immediately and i have to wait 10-15 minutes, and once it is on i have to revv it to make sure it stays on). so because of car problems and currently living in a small town im frustrated because it feels like i cant go anywhere to do anything fun. i feel trapped in my dorm and in my mind.

now comes the college problem. the college i go to currently is a nice school, i get 8 meals a week on my meal plan included in my tuition. theres several places to choose from the eat at, theres a gym, free health exams i think. but its driving me insane seeing the same old brick buildings every damn day. i currently dont have a roommate so im in a dorm by myself which probably contributes to this feeling of lonliness. i dont really have many friends, i had more last semester but they did not keep in touch. i do have one friend that i appreciate very much and she always worries and wants to help when she sees im upset. shes a real one. but seeing the same things, learning about the same repetitive lessons every single day, has driven me insane. my art history class has been the same topics since the start of the semester, its all been about works of art pertaining to jesus, and mary, and god and the angel telling mary shes pregnant and marys purity and this symbolizing that and i understand why its important to learn about these works of art and how they have shaped art today, but i cannot stand hearing the same things over and over. im not a christian, and i dont believe theres anything wrong with christianity as long as youre not hurting anyone with your beliefs, but these topics are so repetitive ever class i have. the semesters almost over and we havent even gotten to modern art yet, and in my opinion thats what truly matters to learn about because thats what we as artists would need to look at to have a reference for how we should make our art right? art is about expressing yourself and we need to see how others making art in the modern era are expressing themselves as well. and on the topic of expressing ourselves, my drawing class, every single project, my professor has us stick to such strict criteria. one of my projects my professor actually really liked, i liked, but she took points off because i had my girlfriends name written very small where you could barely even see, because we were not supposed to have any text. i feel like i cannot even be creative and truly express myself with these projects. i dont feel like i have any real freedom with them. i love fine arts and i love making art, but not when its like this. i want to be able to make my own art that actually expresses my feelings, not someone elses criteria. because of all of this my grades have been rapidly dropping.

now i have already made the decision weeks ago that i will not be returning to this school in the next fall semester. i discussed this with my mom already as she does the majority of my paperwork and things for this stuff. she wants me to transfer to a college closer to home so i can atleast get a general studies degree. but thats not what i want to do either. she told me not to flunk my classes this semester because that will make it difficult to transfer me to another school, but how do you expect me to get good grades when i constantly feel like im in hell in my mind. i mentioned wanting to maybe take a gap year, she doesnt want me to do that. school is horrible for my mental health like this, i dont understand why society thinks we should just have everything we want to do with the rest of our life figured out immediately out of high school. well i dont. and i dont want to stay in college immediately out of high school. i want to go live my life! me and my girlfriend are long distance (we have met in person several times and shes actually coming to visit me this month, but just seeing each other for a week at a time is not enough) and i really want to go live with her! i want to enjoy living and living with the person i love more than life itself! i currently dont feel like i can do that here or back home. i want to move somewhere else with my girlfriend so we can both be happy and love life. i want to move out of state to a slightly bigger city, nothing crazy like new york or atlanta, but just somewhere bigger than a small town with nothing to do whatsoever. i do have a place in mind but im not going to say where. and when i move, after a year i can qualify for in state tuition and pursue something that makes me happier. ive always loved animals and marine animals so i was thinking i could major in zoology and marine biology and work at an aquarium or something while im working on my degree. and i dont fully know how the paperwork and things work for transferring and such, especially after a break, so i could be in the wrong, but is it really wrong for wanting the best for myself?

and to be honest with myself i know exactly why im in college and its not to get a degree. i was raised constantly being compared to my siblings. my brother is trans (which my parents are very obviously not too fond of) dropped out of college and joined the military. my sister dropped out of college after a semester, got married to a horrible man who she just recently divorced after having two children with him. and being compared to them all my life, especially to my brother, made me want to be better than them. i wanted to be the one, as the youngest, to be the first one to get through college immediately, all four years, no problem. but its just too much for me. and dropping out, moving away, im terrified. im terrified that my parents will be disappointed in me. im terrified of that face my mother makes, that tone of voice, when shes disappointed in me for something. im terrified of getting lectured and told why everything i want is wrong. its irrational. and im terified if i move away i wont have her support anymore. i wont have her to lean on when i need help with something. i was never taught where to go or how to do stuff for applying to colleges and transferring. i barely know how to do my taxes.

now i really dont know what this article-like rant of a tumblr post is gonna do. i know i dont really have a following and i dont really post on here. but i just thought itd make me feel better to collect my thoughts and put them all together like this. so far the only people concerned about me have been my girlfriend and a couple of my friends ive told about these problems. not even my professors are concerned about me, i havent even gotten a single email or question about how im doing. they say theyre all for mental health but when a student stops coming to class as often suddenly and starts failing or not turning in assignments its none of their business and i must just be getting lazy and im a horrible student yknow? anyways i think thats about it for this. again i dont really know what this will do but i hope someone has advice or support or something. im going insane here.

love to anyone else suffering similar struggles <3

[whatdoesshedotothem]

x Thursday 15 November 1832

7 ¼

11 10

fine morning F49 ½° at 7 ½ am  a cross last night thinking of π- -  lighted the fire in my room 1st time this season - breakfast with my father at 8 ½ in about ¾ hour - then had Pickles - let him the filling up of the old course of the brook at 6d. per square yard on the stuff carted from the old Wakefield road to Breakneck - he had spoken to Washington about it who said it was only worth 5d. a yard - but the old brook course is to be filled up - the brushes stubbed trees left standing and all the space made into land. Remembering that W- had said Pickles could only just ‘have made wage’ of the wearing, thought he might as well have his price filling up - besides I do not think it too much - draining done at Lower Place at 1/3 and some of the most difficult at 1/6 per wood by Pickles 28 roods stone for which carted by George Naylor, and 78 roods stone carted by Dodgson =196 roods. Washington has let the draining required in the old brook-course (to bring water to the new cut) to Pickles at 2/. a rood P- to cart the stones - some driving required [on] the new Lower bread road P- can get it done at 3/. a yard about 60 yards of it - the road commoners ought to do this - came to my room (after being 10 minutes or ¼ hour with my aunt) at 10 ½ - Letter from M- (Lawton) - 1 ½ p. hurried - written from her bed having tumbled over a box and hurt her right ankle the night before, and having had a great deal of pain from it, took 30 drops of laudanum which kept her in bed late - She must get up for company General Glegg, Mr Worthington, Mr Hill, next day i.e. today Swetenhams etc then Wilbrahams etc quite impossible to come here not but perhaps may come just before going to Leamington - will write again in a few days - God bless you my dearest Fred believe me always truly and affectionately yours MPL    a letter to disappoint me after such an  one as my last    but I care not much about it  it helps to wear away the tenderness excited by her last but one   and ‘tis as well   I am already indifferent again about her coming wrote the above of today till 11 5 - reading over letters to answer - from 11 ½ to 1 20 wrote 2 full ½ sheets to Lady Stuart - from 1 ½ to 3 ¾ wrote 3 pages (close) to Vere - from 4 to 6 wrote 2 full ½ sheets to lady Stuart de R- my letters to the two ladies Stuart nice easy well done chit chat more so to lady S- de R- than I feel to have ever written before ending with     I am really quite alarmed at the number of interrogation I see so thickly thrown up on my paper     I shall really think it very good of you if you answer any of them    I hope you are no longer under any uneasiness for the health of Lord Hardwicke believe me my dear Lady Stuart very truly you A Lister tell lady S- de T- the letter she enclosed for me was a rather odd one of Mrs (Honourable) Leicester Stanhope respecting my courier, Bado, quite contradicting the good character her husband had thought proper to give him - apologize to Lady S- for returning Vere’s letters before - waited for the present conveyance with the shawl I hoped would keep her warm in the carriage - a new manufacture invented by a man near her whose name, however slept, is pronounced Ootram - so busy for a great house in London glad I had not to wait longer - made of the hair of the Atacama lama - nice long letter to Vere - ‘It is quite a treat to me, my dearest Vere, to sit down and fancy I am going to have a little-talk with you - I shall not calculate how long it is since I did so last, because it is not my fault that I have not done it again sooner, and wrath again myself not against you, is the only wrath there even can be between you and me. I should forgive you anything, even if I had anything to forgive, but that you have taken 2 months instead of one to write me such a nice little letter in, so no wonder, all things fairly considered’ - more anxious about her now on account of not knowing how the news of her beau pères’ death would affect her plans - ‘Surely you would not hurry across the Alps at this season of the year - the very thought of it would make me uneasy - you know that my regard for you

 SH:7/ML/E/15/0149

 is not the creature of mere words, and therefore words are not necessary to persuade you of its affection anxiety’ - conclude with ‘Surely the news would reach you before the 5th, that you would not have set off for Rome or Naples I can and do feel for you (Supposing Donald obliged to leave her) you may at all times count upon my sympathy, be it in pleasure or in pain - none will feel in your welfare an interest more anxious or more true than your affectionate AL’ - Sent off at 8 ½ box containing the Atacama-lama-hair shawl directed to the ‘Honourable Lady Stuart, Richmond Park, Surrey’ and within in envelope to ‘the Honourable Lady Stuart, Richmond Park’ the 2 half sheets full to herself and Vere’s 2 letters returned and letter 3 pages and ends and under the seal to ‘The Lady Vere Cameron’ and the 2 half sheets full in a separate envelope to the ‘Lady Stuart de Rothesay’ - told them all of my aunt’s being so much recovered I was no longer uneasy about her and hoped to be off in January - from 8 ½ to 9 ½ wrote 3 pages and ends to Mrs Norclifffe - chitchat - not knowing what to do about a groom - ask her to advise and beg her to write before being off to Bath if but a line or 2, and as soon as she can after arriving that I may know where to find her - mention having engage Eugenie, and hoping to be off in January - thanks for all her kindness in inviting me to Langton and Bath - must spend my Xmas here - congratulations to Esther, and hope she is ever more happy than she expected to be - went downstairs at 9 35 - and came upstairs again at 10 ¼ at which hour F51 ½° - fine day – feel very bilious tonight perhaps from sitting all the day at my desk

[alivehuman725]

ACE WEEK WOOP WOOP

WHY WASN'T I TOLD IT'S ACE WEEK????

Anyways, HAPPY ACE WEEK YA'LL!!!

Here is my present even tho no one is Ace in ther YET, but it's lgbtq so yeah.

Queen of the Amazons, Chapter One

I lay in bed, wondering how other people feel comfortable. How can people live in the same house as someone, not looking over your shoulder every few minutes and not sitting tensely while writing down your secrets. I rolled over, grabbed my diary and stumbled over to my desk. I slumped over and lifted the pen over the page and wrote, 'Heyyyyyyy.' I had never believed in that 'Dear Diary' thing because it made it feel like 'Diary' is some distant relative you barely know, and you want to make a good impression so you're acting formal. I continued my writing.

'I'm going to school tomorrow and I'm not sure what to do! I want to come out, but what if people are homophobes or tell my parents?????? SAVE ME!!'

It was short but it said what I wanted it to say. I'm nervous about school. Cool. Don't elaborate too much.

"Brairrrrrrrrr" Mum called.

"Coming!" I yelled back. I hid my book in the hidden nook I had added while making the desk. Mum has taught me how to make a desk while we were making hers, and I had used extra material and my knowledge to make my desk.

When I arrived downstairs I saw my Mum lounging on the couch, reading some random book. "Hey Briar," she said.

"So, why did you call me?" I asked.

"I wanted to know if your bag is  packed."

"Muuuuuum" I groaned. "You could have yelled that to me from here."

"But that's rude. I don't like talking to people from different rooms"

I rolled my eyes. "I've packed my bag. Anything else?"

"No." With that, I ran back upstairs and did tons of Origami. 20 figures later I leaned back in my seat and stared out the window. I sat there for a while, wondering how trees felt, rooted in the ground never seeing anything but the same view of the bay. I decided that I'd give them something worth looking at. 

After an hour of brainstorming at my desk I picked up my plans and headed down to the garage. The garage is where Mum and I make things, and it serves as an office Mum. I got a simple bench I had made with Mum when I first got into making things. I pulled the nails out and salvaged the wood. I got the tools I needed and spent the rest of my day chipping off wood to make my best creation yet.

"Briar!" Dad yelled, "C'mon. You've already missed dinner and had it delivered. Go to bed."

I sighed. "Fiiiiine. Lemme pack up" I put the tools to the side and got some felt to cover the sculpture in. Finally, I went to bed to dream of what I could do with my creation.

_ _ _ _

In the morning I finished carving and carefully put it in a bag so I could show Jude it and ask what xe thought. "Bye guys" I called as I headed out the door. As I walked down the road I saw someone in my school’s uniform come out of the house next door. "Hi!" they said. "Hey" I whispered. "I'm Adrian. He, him. You?"

“I- I’m Briar. She/her. Transgender.” I stammered.

“Yessss! Finally someone like me! I’m Genderfluid. Nice to meet you.” he stuck out his hand. I stared at it for a while. He sighed. “Not a touchy person. Need personal space.” he thought aloud as if he were taking notes on me. Strange but cool. I decided I liked him. “Mhm. Sure.” I said.

“Let’s go! I don’t wanna be late for my first day of school! I must charm the teachers” he said and sassily flicked his ponytail over his shoulder. “Are you going to be out?” I asked as we started walking again. “Out? Oh, you mean not closeted, right? Well sure I guess. Are you?” I thought about it for a moment. “I guess if you are. How will we do it? Wait! We can do it in art! Oh, do you have your schedule?” I asked.

He pulled the paper from his pocket. “Got it. Let’s compare.” we compared pieces today I had:

Locker - No. 237 Code 1537

8:55 - Homeroom with Mr Nutter in W3

9:35 - English with Ms Smith in C9

10:45 - Art with Ms Moss in A4

11:40 - History with Mrs Walker in A8

12:20 - Lunch A

13:00 - Maths with Mr Walker in H2

14:00 - PE in the Old Gym

15:00 - Art club!!! YAYYYYY!!

I had scribbled on the last sentence hastily. “Ugh. They say that Mx Moss is Ms Moss. I just call them Jude, their first name.” Adrian hopped up and down in excitement. “A Nonbinary art teacher that lets you call them their first name?! Cool! Look… we have Homeroom, art, lunch and PE together!” they gave me his. I inspected it and gave it back. “Prepare for PE. All the year 8s do it at the same time in the different gyms. Half in the gym and half in the old. The racket is legendary.”

“I love PE! I hate it when it’s noisy though… but hey, that’s Sports for you” Adrian said.

I laughed. “Not for me. For me Sports is something my dad tries to get me to do that I don’t want to do. He says ‘You need to do something that-” I winced “-proper boys do’” I grumbled.

“Oh… that’s sad. So what are you? A reader?”

“No. I’m more of a maker. A doer.”

“Ahhhhhhhh yes” we continued to talk until we arrived outside the gates of school. “Keep your head down and stick with me” I said as I grabbed the poor guy’s wrist and dragged him into the crowd of bustling people.

“Where are we going?” he hissed.

“What’s your locker number?” I asked, ignoring his question.

“137”

“Here! As you go to classes you will be given other books-” I said as he stuffed his books in his locker. “-you’ll need your pencil case and that exercise book for homeroom. Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go!” I yelled and pulled him back into the crowd. As we stopped for me to get my things from my locker Adrian hissed “Who’s that?” I looked at who he had gestured to. “Bow your head. Don’t look at her.” I whispered, shutting the locker and walked forward trying to blend in with the crowd. When I felt someone grip my arm I knew that there was nothing else left to do. I would have to face the monster - Molly Finch

[olyia-stories]

A response to @teasockschocolate ‘s AU about the soulmate AUs in the PJO universe. Since this is a companion piece it doesn’t matter which one you read first, but make sure to check out @teasockschocolate and @demigodsanswer out.

Annabeth hated soulmates.

Ever since her dad met his, Annabeth’s life had just gotten worse. Admittedly, she and her dad hadn’t been particularly familyish, but it had been the two of them. He used to let her fall asleep in his arms while he worked on his thesis paper, he took her out for icecream in the park after his classes, and he would ask her opinion on which human models to put on his battle of the Somme replica. They had been fine on their own. They didn’t need Lori.

The only reason her dad even liked Lori was because the first thing she said to him was written on his arm. And not in the “he tattooed it on because he loved her” thing, but because it was a silly soulmate mark. Annabeth just couldn’t understand why her analytical father would rely on a process for choosing who he loved as flimsy as “the universe decided for us.” And clearly, the universe got it wrong. Lori was awful.

All Lori ever did was complain about everything Annabeth ever did: “Frederick, tell Annabeth to stop playing “science” in the living room.” “Frederick, tell Annabeth to stop drawing on herself.” “Frederick, tell Annabeth to go to sleep.” “Frederick, if you don’t tell Annabeth to stop getting out of bed, I will.” Lori only saw Annabeth as a stain that needed covering up.

Then the monsters started attacking. Of course, they were attacking because Annabeth was a half-blood, but it’s not like she wanted them to come. But Lori blamed her.

“There must be something you can do,” Lori was talking to Annabeth’s dad. Annabeth should have been asleep, but the spiders were too much for her. Lori went on, “Don’t look so shocked, I know you tried to get her mother to take her back, all I’m saying is that maybe someone more like her could take her off our hands.” Annabeth stood very still, she had not known that her dad had tried to get rid of her, she thought he loved her.

“Lori, I don’t know what to do, Athena sai-“

“Athena isn’t here!” Lori cut Annabeth’s father off. “Even Athena didn’t want that girl. I think it would be best for our boys if we found a new living arrangement for Annabeth.” Annabeth didn’t wait around for her father’s response; she knew he would give in he always gave in to Lori.

Annabeth was not going to give Lori the pleasure of sending her away, and she didn’t want to live a moment more under the same roof as her stepmother. Annabeth decided to leave.

She didn’t know where she would go, so Annabeth wanted to be prepared. She grabbed a marker and made a packing list on her arm. With the list on her arm, she quickly packed her backpack. She pulled on a hoodie and snuck out her bedroom window. It was on the second floor, but the window opened onto the porch roof and from there she shimmied down the gutter. And just like that, Annabeth was free.

--

“Child, in order to be a successful demigod you must be skilled in a wide-range of activities.” Chiron studied Annabeth from where he stood on the porch. Annabeth had come to complain. She didn’t understand why the camp made them climb lava walls, and swing swords at straw dummies. She just wanted to spend time in the Athena cabin’s library. She had never seen so many books, and she wanted to read them all.

“But Chiron, knowledge is power! Therefore, I should spend my time learning as much as I can.”

“Ah but knowledge is power; you must learn as much as you can, which includes being knowledgeable in fighting and survival tactics. Now I believe your cabin is going to the forge for arts and crafts, you should hurry along.” Annabeth thought about what the centaur had said while she walked to the forge. She decided She would start by learning archery. She wrote it on her hand, so she would remember to ask her siblings to teach her later. For now, she was going to create a masterpiece.

--

Annabeth lived year-round at camp, so she had independent lessons during the school year. Chiron trusted her siblings to educate her, but they quickly realized that she was capable of teaching herself so long as she had the right books. So, they let her alone. Annabeth would read, and write notebooks full of her discoveries, and when she came up on things she wanted to study further she would write a note on her arm to look it up later.

--

Finally, she met him. The person she had been waiting years for. This boy was who Chiron had told her about. He was going to take her on a quest. Well, he would once he stopped drooling in the med ward.

Percy Jackson would get a quest; Annabeth was sure of it. He was the son of Poseidon, one of the major gods, that was the deal. Chiron told her she would go with him on a quest. She HAD to go with him.

So, when Percy was taken to the big house she was right behind him. She had on her magic Yankee’s hat, a gift from her mother when she made it to camp the hat made the wearer invisible. She listened to Chiron explain to Percy the war brewing among the gods. She watched Percy enter the big house and listened for his footsteps recede up the stairs before she took off her cap.

“Blah ha ha!” Grover yelped. “You can’t sneak up like that Annabeth! You’ll give me a heart attack!”

Chiron sighed, “I suppose you were listening to all of that?”

“Yes,” she respected Chiron too much to lie to him. “I want to go on this quest.”

“Annabeth, you know that it’s Percy’s right to choose his companions,” Annabeth was in the middle of formulating a convincing argument when Chiron added, “But, I will tell Percy that you have volunteered to go, and if he wants to choose you, you may go. Child it will be dangerous, and I would rather both of you would stay at camp and train. I fear, however, that peace will only return to the Olympians when the bolt is returned. The quest must happen.”

Annabeth nodded. Satisfied with Chiron’s promise she waited for Percy to come back down. She was going on a quest

--

Annabeth still didn’t regret volunteering for the quest. It quickly went up, down and sideways and veered left from there. They have so far blown up a bus, wrecked a statue garden, ruined a national landmark, almost died by mechanical spider, and now they were heading south in the smelliest truck on the highway.

The animal fumes must have gotten to Annabeth because she found herself talking to Percy about her dad. She plucked at her dad’s college ring as she talked. “I guess my dad never really wanted me. He met Athena while he was working his way through grad school. She admired his dedication and helped him develop his thesis. To reward him, she pulled me out of her thoughts. He wanted her to take me back. But he took care of me. Once he met his soulmate, Lori, he decided he didn’t want me.” Annabeth glued her eyes to the ground. She found it easy to talk to Percy, but she couldn’t look at him and tell him what had eaten at her heart since Lori said those stupid soulmate words. “He had her and then they had their kids and they were that meant-to-be family. I was just in the way from them being perfect.” Annabeth stopped. She needed to collect herself, she hadn’t talked about her dad in years.

“I’m sorry.” Just two little words, and yet they made her heart soar. Percy put so much emotion into his voice, it was clear that he had experience with family issues. “My mom had a soulmate, but I don’t know who it was. It’s not my stepdad, that’s for sure. I think it could’ve been my dad.”

“Gods don’t soulbond.” How could he believe in soulmates when his mom had to put up with his stepdad? Poseidon couldn’t have been his mom’s soulmate. She winced, “sorry, that was mean.” She hadn’t meant to be rude, but she struggled to be anything but critical about the soulbond.

Percy shrugged, “S’fine. It’s true.”

Annabeth thought for a second, then asked. “What about you?”

“What?”

“Do you have a soulmate?”

Percy clutched at his wrist. “Yeah, I do.”

Annabeth wasn’t sure what she was expecting, but this confession still surprised her. She looked into his eyes and asked, “Really?”

“Do you?”

“No.” at least, she never thought enough about soulmate marks to check. “What’s your mark? Do you know your soulmate?” Annabeth didn’t know why she wanted to know, she just had to learn all she could.

“Uh,” a blush crept up his face. “it’s a writing one and no. I’ve, uh, never talked to her.”

“Why not?” If it had been Annabeth, she would have found out who it was. Even if she didn’t believe in soulmates, having someone you can communicate with without speaking or technology, that could be useful.

Percy shrugged, “I don’t know…”

“You should.”

“Maybe someday. I’ve got enough going on now.”

“That’s true.” She paused, then added, “I think soulmates are pretty dumb.”

He gave her a strange look. “Why?”

She felt his defenses rise. “Believe in them all you want. But wouldn’t you rather choose who you be with? The universe shows you one person and that’s it. And isn’t it doomed to fail? The expectation of who someone wants their soulmate to be is always going to be so big that they’ll never live up to it. It’s just setting both of them up to be disappointed.” She had thought this argument through more than once.

“But it’s the one person that the universe is saying is perfect for you. I think that’s pretty amazing.”

Annabeth knew she wasn’t going to change his opinion. “Good luck. I’ve never seen a soulbond work out.” Feeling like her last sentence was a bit gruff she offered, “I don’t mean to… discourage you.”

He raised an eyebrow. “I mean, that doesn’t encourage me.”

She knew it, she had let her bitterness show. “Maybe the people I’ve seen just haven’t cared as much about it. You haven’t given up.”

He smiled. “I’ll make sure mine works. Even if it’s just so you can be wrong about something.”

--

Annabeth didn’t think much about that night on the zoo truck. The summer passed, and the school year came. She decided to try living with her dad again. She studied like she was back at camp, writing notes on her arm, reminders, and doodling to pass the time in class.

San Francisco felt calmer than when she was little. Her dad’s house felt normal. No monster attacks at first, but Annabeth couldn’t help but feel on edge. She was just waiting for the bubble to pop.

She was in her Algebra class when she felt it, a burning sensation on her left palm. It felt like she was bitten by a spider. Annabeth yelped. The classmates gave her a weird look, but that was normal. She was the only seventh grader in a high school class.

Annabeth looked down at her hand and saw a little blue dot on her palm. It looked like a pen mark, but Annabeth hadn’t put it there. Annabeth thought back to the summer, when she had shared a hay-filled ride with Percy, and he had shared what his soulmate mark was with her.

Annabeth couldn’t be sure, but perhaps she did have a soulmate. She needed more evidence; a stray pen mark didn’t prove anything.

Perhaps she should pay Percy a visit.

--

Getting up to Percy’s fire escape was the easy part. Calculating which window was his based on the outside of the building was more difficult. Annabeth climbed the fire escape ladder and peaked into his window, she had her Yankee’s hat on, so he wouldn’t see her watching. She had to know.

Annabeth pulled the cap off her pen and drew a little flower on her arm, while she drew, she watched Percy’s arm. There it was, her little four petaled flower. She smiled. Why did this knowledge make her happy? Percy was her best friend, but she didn’t like him like that… did she?

--

Stupid! Annabeth that was stupid! Why did she charge the manticore? All she had on her was her Yankee’s hat and her dagger, and she jumped a monster. She should have known better, but when she left the gymnasium and saw Percy there. His shield up and his sword out, she knew in that moment that if anything happened to Percy, she would never forgive herself. She did the only thing she could and distracted the manticore. She didn’t realize that he would simply take her. That Luke wanted her, but he didn’t want her like Annabeth had always hoped. He was using her as bait. She was how he would catch a goddess.

Annabeth needed a plan. But she could barely breath, let alone think. The weight of the sky was literally threatening to crash down on her, and all she could do was kneel under the pressure and hope Luke would come to his senses. She felt a prickling on her arm, when she looked the words were written out in red pen, “We’re coming.” Her arms surged with strength. Suddenly the weight of the world felt lighter. She knew who that was writing on her arm. Percy knew she was alive. He was coming for her. She wouldn’t give up. She couldn’t.

--

Annabeth knew Percy was in trouble from two blocks away. She could see the smoke billowing up from Goode high school. Annabeth and Percy were supposed to go on a date to the movies, she had taken the LIR from camp into the city that morning to meet Percy after his high school orientation.

Unfortunately, plans were void whenever Percy was around. She saw the smoke and hurried up the block just in time to see Percy jump out onto the street from a window, followed by a red-haired girl. She had freckles everywhere, and paint stains on her clothes. Annabeth wondered who she was while she watched the girl pull a marker out of her back pocket and felt the tingling sensation as the girl wrote her number on Percy’s arm, and Annabeth’s right arm copied it.

She stared dumbfounded at Percy, before turning on her heel and leaving the red-haired girl behind. She hailed a cab and waited for Percy to catch up. She crossed her arms, hoping to hide the thick black numbers. The cab came. They sat in silence.

How could she be so stupid. Soulbonds never worked out. She was a fool for thinking maybe they could overcome all the evidence she had collected saying otherwise.

Percy cleared his throat. “Could I… call my mom?” right, she had probably heard about the fire, his mom would be worried. Annabeth wished she had someone to worry over her. She fished her phone out of her pocket, careful to keep her right arm at her side. He quickly finished the call and handed Annabeth her phone. She again kept her arm close to her side. “Cold?” His voiced broke through her thoughts.

“What?”

“Just… since you’re…” He gestured to her folded arms.

She had hoped to quickly pass the cab ride in silence. “No.” she answered truthfully, hoping to stop the conversation there.

“Oh.” Percy continued. “I, uh, have a jacket in my backpack if you want.”

“No.” she couldn’t let him see the stupid number on her arm, and she didn’t want to talk to him. She turned towards the window and watched the familiar landscape of Long Island to take shape.

As soon as they got to camp she ran to her cabin. And pulled on a sweatshirt. She only hoped the marks would soon be gone, and that she hadn’t been too obvious.

--

The mountain exploded behind Annabeth. She didn’t let herself cry. Percy was a powerful demigod, and resourceful, and just plain lucky. He would make it out. She was sure.

She made it back to camp on her own. Hoping the whole way that Percy had beat her there. But no one had seen him. She tried not to notice her friends giving her pitying looks and hoped every day to see her seaweed brain crest the hill or walk out of the ocean. It got harder to hope as the weeks came and went. Annabeth pretended she was fine. She led her cabin through their activities always glancing towards the ocean, hoping to be the first to spot him. He didn’t show up.

The day with its tasks kept her mind busy, but the night was hard. She couldn’t sleep. She tossed and turned, trying to make a plan that would bring Percy home. She decided to write him a note. She put the pen to her hand and tried to think of what to say. But everything she wanted to write down seemed to swirl in her head. She instead wrote, “Hello?” That’s as far as she got before she couldn’t see with the tears welling in her eyes.

Two weeks passed, and still no word. Chiron decided to hold Percy’s memorial, to send him off properly. Annabeth stood at the fire pit and put the green silk cloth on the flames. She choked on the words, “He was probably the bravest friend I’ve ever had.” And the stupidest, “He…” she looked up at that moment and saw the impossible. What she had been waiting to see for weeks. “He’s right there!”

Annabeth vaulted up the amphitheater steps. And hugged him tight. He was alive!

--

It was August eighteenth. Percy’s birthday. Annabeth paused for only a second before writing out on her arm, ”Happy birthday.” She knew who was on the other end of this connection now, and she didn’t care about her data that said otherwise. She wanted Percy to know, she wanted them to work out.

“Thanks.” Was all he replied, and somehow that was all she needed. She couldn’t wait to see him again; they were going to make it through together.

--

Annabeth couldn’t believe this boy! How could she have ever liked him. They were standing near the tetherball court. She couldn’t believe he wanted to talk to her about his mortal friend Rachel. Sure, last summer she’d been helpful in the Labyrinth but that didn’t mean that she and Annabeth were friends. “What do you want me to say?” he seemed to put a lot of trust in this Rachel girl. How could he be so ignorant. She was a mortal, mortals don’t have visions. And besides he was just using this as an excuse to run away. She looked him in the eyes and spat out what she was thinking. “You’re a coward, Percy Jackson!”

Why had he never said anything. She was certain he knew, and their world could end any second. Beckendorf was proof of that. Why couldn’t he just talk to her! Why did every conversation turn into a shouting match? Why did she open her heart and let him in, when she knew that soulbonds never work. She couldn’t look at his green eyes anymore, she stormed away towards the strawberries, giving the tetherball a good whack as she passed it.

--

The war was over. They had won! And Rachel was now the new camp oracle. More importantly, Percy had turned down immortality. She was sure. She wanted to him to be her soulmate. She found him in the pavilion, lost in thought. She got out a pen and wrote out, “Hey.” He looked down at his wrist, then turned around to find her.

“Hey.” He had a little grin on his face, she smiled in return.

“Happy birthday.”

“What?” he looked puzzled.

she silently cursed herself, did she get the day wrong? “It’s August 18, You’re birthday, right?”

He nodded, and she let a breath out, she offered him the misshapen lump of birthday cake. It was delicious.

After a few minutes she couldn’t keep herself from asking what had been on her mind all summer. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“About what?” Annabeth couldn’t look at him, she was too scared. “I… I didn’t know for sure. If I was yours. And then last year… There was just so much else going on.”

Annabeth finally looked at him, she softly said, “I know, I thought I didn’t have one. I mean, I wrote on myself all the time when I was little.”

“I know,” he laughed, “I thought I was going crazy.”

“Why didn’t you write back?” She had to know. “When you said you had one… I thought it was someone else.” She didn’t say all that she was thinking, that she had hoped he didn’t have one, that she had liked him even all those years ago in that truck.

“I didn’t know what to say. But no, it was always just you.” Those words, the same way she had felt. Now she knew, Annabeth through away her caution and kissed him. He tasted like salt.

**Edit: I read the original fanfic on @demigodsanswer‘s blog but the AU “Whatever Souls are Made of” is by @teasockschocolate

[peasofgreeniguess]

Hello! I saw that you were needing request, so could you possibly write some fluffy comfort headcanons with the horrortale skeletons?

either their datemate or close friend (you can choose-) hasn't been sleeping very well lately, and ends up texting the skele around 4 in the morning because they're extremely bored/tired, but can't sleep. As the conversation goes on, the horror brothers find out that reader hasn't slept at all in almost three days. How would they react?

Yes!!! Thank you <3

HT SANS

He responds to your text within 5 minutes, he isn’t asleep. Either if it was guilt keeping him up or a nightmare he wasn’t sleeping so why not come over? He sets up a nice comfy blanket covered couch and you grab some warm drinks and sit together, the dark house lit by the bright leds of the tv you turned on so it wouldn’t be so silent. You two sit together for a good 20 minutes before sans asks for your reason being up this late… or early since by now it’s around 6am… you explain and sans listens with a understanding ear, he nods his head and pulls you closer rubbing your back as you lean into him. It takes a minute for him to proses a response but he does eventually, “You… haven’t slept… for three days?… I think… humans need more… than that” he says genuinely, you chuckle and nod saying “probably” he turns to you, his single eye light staring into yours “want to.. sleep with me?” You pause for a moment and burst out laughing at the connotation of the sentience as sans looks away and responds “you know what… I meant…” After you catch your breath you agree and he pulls the blanket over the both of you as you lean onto his side, turning the tv off and taking a deep breath your whole body relaxes.  whether you sleep or not is a mystery but god knows sans enjoyed every moment.

HT PAPYRUS

After a few hours you decided to text somone, that someone was papyrus, your tall lanky friend with braces and a love for pasta. He immediately responds and to your suprise arrives at your home moments later, exclaiming “ONLY COOL SKELETONS NEED TO BE AWAKE AT THIS HOUR” and scoops you up leaving you hanging in his arm like longcat- you look at him with heavy baggy eyes and he immediately becomes more worried, he sets you down and brings about a large human health book with many sticky notes in almost all pages, he flips to a page assumidly about sleep and asks. “Have you had at least 8-10 hours of sleep and slept exactly horizontal on your back with no pillow to allow your back to have optimal posture?” He looks up at you and then writes down something before looking back to you waiting for a answer. You shake your head and she snaps the book closed making you jump. “That will not due, come on” he says pulling you to your bedroom, he points to your bed with a stern motherly aura and you have no choice but to obey, he tucks you in and pulls a book of the shelf. One of your favorites you told him about, he turns to the first page and brushes your hair out of your face, “now we will see if this works! The book also says warm milk and a warm house help! We can try those next” he says before starting to read the book, he does have a nice reading voice…

This was fun :)

[boldlyvoid]

was it you who reblogged that post saying 'masturbate in front of me and let me lick that pussy clean' ????? even if it wasn't you, can you write this for an Eddie fic?

i've seen it on the tl omg! yes i can bestie

cw: eddie has a weird relationship with his guitar, masturbation, porn, implied bi + plus sized reader, rough sex, pet names (princess, baby), oral sex (f recieving), unprotected sex

he has been just sitting there in his computer chair playing the same song over and over and over again for hours. there was only so long she could watch his long fingers play the same cords before she was dripping wet for him. he was just trying to learn a new song and she was helplessly horny for him.

"eddieeee," she whines as she gets up from her spot and stands behind him, she wraps her arms around him carefully and kisses his cheeks, "it sounds good, you can take a break, right?"

"Why? are you that bored with this song?"

she shakes her head, "not really... I just think there are other things you could be doing right now, with your hands..." she whispers into his ear and runs her hands over his shoulders seductively, "come on, baby."

he shakes his head, "you just want me to do all the work, lazy girl."

"so what if I do? normally you love that?"

"but I'm busy today," he references his guitar. "both my girls need the same amount of love and attention, I can't go giving it all to you, now, can I?"

she laughs, "seriously? you love your guitar the same way you love me? your living breathing girlfriend with a tight pussy?"

he bites his lip, trying too hard to not give in to her. "how about you get yourself all warmed up for me, yeah? I'll lick you clean and fuck you into the mattress when I'm done here."

she doesn't have to be told twice. she only ever had permission to play with herself on nights she didn't sleep over at his place and the only stipulation was that she had to think about him and tell him later... and telling him always led to him doing exactly what she imagined. it was an easy way to get him to fuck her in new and interesting ways without having to outright ask.

she pushes her pants down to the floor before climbing into his bed and opening up the side drawer where she knows he keeps his porn magazines and the few photos he had of her in compromising positions.

she flips through the pages slowly, appreciating the small smutty stories and the photos of naked creatures; elvish women with huge tits, devilish men with long hair and even longer tongues, she couldn't help her hips from grinding on their own as she looked.

eddie was still playing, only he kept fucking up more as he watched her get off using his magazines. he gets a front-row seat to a show he usually put on 8 times a week, seeing his understudy on the stage was new for him but he liked it.

with one knee raised, she rests the magazine on her leg and slips her hand into her panties, teasing herself the way she knew she liked and warming up ever so slowly. she wants him to break. she wants to edge this on so long that he throws the magazine across the room and tears her panties off to get at her.

She's so impossibly wet already that she glides over her clit effortlessly, tossing her head back with a sigh, "fuck, finally..."

"tell me about it," he lets out a breath he was holding in anticipation. the room has been silent for a while, she was wondering when he'd speak.

with the flats of 3 fingers, she rubs her clit in a circle, thinking the faster she gets this done, the faster he can complete his side of the deal. even if it was a shitty, rushed orgasm, she didn't care because his mouth would feel even better in a few minutes.

his eyes are fixated on her, his cock is hard as a rock in his pants, rubbing against his guitar slightly as his hips rock along with hers. he was hypnotized by her, he knew she'd look hot when she masturbated but he never imagined it would be this fucking hot watching her unravel like this.

shes not even looking at the magazine anymore, her head is tossed back while her hand works fast, tight, circles around her clit with beautiful friction he can see burning inside of her. her legs quake, her hips sputter, she holds her breath before she cums and then she lets it out with a glorious moan. she rides through it, shaking on his bed just enough to make the springs squeak.

his guitar is off him and on the hook again before she can even look up.

he kicks his jeans off, and almost rips his shirt as he tries to get it off his head before he chucks it to the ground. he's so riled up, its like he just took something strong, but the only drug he was high on was her. she made him go fucking wild on a normal day, but this? this was him on feral mode.

he does indeed throw the magazine across the room, and he absolutely tears her panties in two instead of simply pulling them down her legs and taking them off, but she doesn't care. they were ugly anyway. and she really doesn't give a fuck when she feels his hot lips, his wet tongue and the slight stubble he's accumulated over the last few hours altogether on her cunt. it's so much better than her fingers, which are now firmly gripping his hair out of the way for him.

he moans into her like she's his favourite meal and he's been starved for days prior, he mumbles something, but she's too fucked out to know for sure. it was probably some profanity and compliment all rolled into one like normal, she didn't need to hear it to know he loved eating her out.

he loved the way she screamed, the way she pulsated on his tongue, the way her grip tightened when he sucked on her clit, and most importantly, he loved when she was about to cum so hard that she squeezed his head with her thick, beautiful thighs. he was happiest when she was cumming and he was close to death, being smothered to death by her pussy would be a blessing in his books.

when she comes down from her orgasm, she's pliant and lifeless, her chest heaves and her ears are ringing, "sweet fucking chirst..."

"he's got nothing to do with this," Eddie smirks as he wipes his face and sits up, "ready to get fucked into the mattress?"

Still feeling like an overcooked spaghetti noodle, she only nods, "'m not lazy... i just can't move."

he laughs as he drags her to the edge, and makes her sit up so he can take her out of her shirt and bra and make her take a sip of water from her glass, it was still on his night table from the night before. "I'm not fucking you till you snap back into it, baby."

she gulps down the water and comes up for air eventually with wide eyes and a smile, "'m good, see?"

he laughs as he kisses her nose, "i love you, princess. you're so fucking cute."

"better than her," she points at his guitar on the wall with a smirk.

"fuck off, you know what i mean," he takes the cup from her and puts it back on the table before pushing her back down against the bed, watching her boobs jiggle.

he grips her legs and flips her over with all the force he has, she plots down against the bed with an 'oof' but settles quickly. he slips a pillow under her hips, bringing her up a little bit more as he lines his cock up with her aching hole, "please?" she begs.

"What was that?"

"Please!" she begged louder. "I've wanted this all day!"

"Remember when we started this?" he leans over her back, whispering in her ear. "you were so innocent, prudish even--

"I was not!"

"Whatever you say," he laughs and begins slipping in slowly just to hear her whorish moans up close and personal. "but I remember you blushing and stuttering when you wanted my cock, now look at you? masturbating in my bed, using my porn?"

she had to give him that... this wasn't anywhere in the realm of her imagination before she started seeing him. thank god that boring part of her life was over.

she turns her head to face him as best as she could, "fuck me."

it's not a request, it's an order.

he laughs, it's dark and maniacal, he's not normally one to take orders well, but he knew she could take what he had to offer. he starts to fuck her hard and fast, hand on her back as he pushed her onto the mattress and lets the force of it push her back onto his cock. she moans into the mattress, muffing the sound to spare their poor neighbours from thinking he was blasting a porno he rented off Steve Harrington...

only her sounds were real. she couldn't help herself, it was involuntary at this point, she was being fucked like a rag doll, she was so high on his cock she felt brainless and the string of nonsense when was moaning just added to that.

he got so much pride out of fucking her stupid, "fuck baby," he growled, "take it! such a good fucking whore now, better than I ever imagined, and you keep getting better by the fucking day! fuck!"

the sound of his skin slapping against hers was loud enough that anyone could tell what was going on in their trailer, he wouldn't be surprised if the whole house was shaking, he was absolutely giving it to her.

she starts to tremble again, so close to her third orgasm, he knew that was one they had to chase, it was hard to get it but they never gave up. he'd fuck her all night just for one more, he always wanted just one more. like an addict, nothing would ever be as euphoric as the first time he made her cum, but they were all fucking fantastic.

he slaps her ass, making her yelp but she knows what he wants. he slows his movements and pulls out, making her flip and get more comfortable on the bed before he gets between her legs. he plunges two fingers into her to gather up her wetness before replacing them with his cock.

he drops down to her level, chest to chest with her finally, he rubs her clit gently with one hand as he starts to pick up his pace again. fucking her at a decent speed, not like before, because now he was staring into her eyes and watching her breathing change each time the head of his cock kissed her cervix. that beautiful little spot inside of her that only he could reach.

she runs her hands up his back gently before pulling him down more, kissing him with passion and lust to match his thrusts. moaning in tandem, he could feel her tightening around him, closer to the edge, he worked her clit faster, wanting her to cum around his cock before he did deep inside of her.

she played with his hair while they kissed, holding it out of the way and off his sweaty forehead. teeth clashing, they kept moaning into each other's mouths, tongues touching, she bit his lip and he sucked on hers. they were handsy and desperate, right there on the edge. "let go, fuck, princess. please. cum, cum for me?"

with that, she was gone.

her back arched her head pushed back deeper into the pillow as she came with a shout. tighter than ever, he fucked into her a few more times before he caught up. his hips stilled and sputtered as he released deep inside of her, he buried his face in her neck, tears slipping down his cheeks with how powerful his orgasm was, he drops against her.

another great fuck in their books