#I ADORE HR U DONT UNDERSTAND............

[nuks]

dude samara is so 🥺 coded... she's so shy and sweet... she will blush and duck her head if u make her embarrassed or praise her too much... like she gets ridiculously blushy / shy for a best-selling author asiudaskjld

[nicegaai]

having beautiful visions of a story idea ive had for years but from a different characters perspective (moloss!a), making it feel shiny new and worth obsessing over again

what if molossias perpetual anger and facade of a personality was because of a gigantic inferiority complex (and struggling to understand his place in the world etc etc) and then he was forced to interact with actual nations physically his own age but in like , a subserviant role, like alfreds mostly forgotten errand boy -- and they are friendly but completely out of touch with what it means to be a micronation / theyve forgot what the early stages of nationhood are like after hundreds to thousands of years and they are like omggg dont worry youll keep growing :) youll live a long life :) and he is like haha. yeah maybe. and in the end a small group of them become friendLY or at least familiar but theres a fundamental disconnect and the real nations dont have much to gain from knowing him , its very much like a class difference that molossia has very little chance of overcoming. he will never be their equal and he has a slim chance of surviving longer than a humans lifespan or two. but what matters is there was some understanding there. some connection.

i want to write the molossia POV fic so bad but i need to do some research first because i have a very specific setting where this takes place. um

this is just my 2015core hype house AU again

and i need to binge a few episodes of whatever the paul brothers were up to , i think there was a tv show ... i need to watch it for research. becuase i think it would be insane if a bunch of teen nations were like. we're going to make a House of Nation Influencers. for social media purposes. alfred can we borrow your socal beach house pwease. .. .. and hes like holy shit thats the coolest thing ive ever heard please take my keys. im too busy to live there but let me cameo and plug my socials and u can do whatever u want.

and molossia and maybe slowjamastan are alfreds little , localish ambassadors. theyre like. 11 and 15. yes it would make more sense w like a california oc but

i like the micronatio s better than statetalia i have strong opinions on statetalia. the first opinion being i dont think there is One Guy Per State nor do i ever like Well There Could Be Two Guys In A State. i think there's regionals and tribes, and statetalias will die off in regional mergers when the spirit isnt strong or specific enough. and etc. theres a lore system in my head thats pretty poorly thought thru but i get worked up about anyway

in any case the micronations are super localized super specific phenomenons and i love them. they have a atrokg sense of identity for no real reason and they become distinct ppl way quicker than naturally forming identities.... and i think alfred kind of hates them for existing (extreme jealousy over his territory) but he tries not to be a total deadbeat dad and gives them a little attention when he remembers to.... i think the drama potential is juicy. america doesnt want to be cruel to molossia but he wishes he was never born. his little bastard son

i love hetalia molossia its an insane thing wrong w my brain. im such a micronation freak i adore them

oh right also the influencer wannabe house is flcused on the Teen Nation Friend Group kind of chrs ... hong kong iceland liechten seychelles ......... and others like singapore phillipines ... "teenager" is a pretty broad category in aphws but my vision is it began as a friend group doing a bit thing and then got out of hand with way too many ppl joining. it also falls apart. Badly.

and i always thought the scale of trying to turn Hypehousetalia into a fanfic would be too convoluted. like it would just be my 6 hr vid essay on the rise and fall of something that didnt happen. but if it was a framing device and background setting for molossias teen angst instead of the story itself that would be hilarious ............

[b00bconnoisseur]

60 questions for @not-my-brain

1. selfie.......Ugghhhh ok. Imma take one rn

Ok here u go (yes thats a bmth shirt)

2. what would you name your future kids?.....Ooo hmmm well when i was a kid i really liked the names disney, and mesiah. I didn't know at the time that mesiah was another name for god i think lol. I liked it cause of handlers mesiah. I still do. Ooo and maybe Tj too

3. do you miss anyone?......Yeah. My friends on Pinterest from a year ago. My friend lucas. Stan lee. Bob ross. My cousin who died from cancer some years ago. Snape. Sirius. Lupin. Tonks. Dobby. *continues to name every unfortunate death in hp*

4. what are you looking forward to?.......SE-YA next month!! Its the south eastern young adult festival at this college. You can have meet n greets with authors and alot of stuff its the besstttt

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?......DEFINATELY. @dirtysocke @mysisterlooksforthisaccountsobye @cristal-kyd1280 @sammchenry my friend lucas and @septembersbloom. ^^

6. is it hard for you to get over someone?..... What like...romantically? Or like a death? If romantically uhhh idk it took over a couple weeks but im ok now. Ive never had another relationship so idk. If death oof yeah idk maybe. Ig it depends on how much i knew them idk. Like when my nanny (great grandma) died i was sad for days (is that alot?)

7. what was your life like last year?.....Sucky af. Still is. But the highlights of my life last year was getting and making friends on tumblr, going to the tøp concert and going to warped tour, volunteering at the library, going to seya and meeting some of my favorite authors, reading, changing and improving my art, listening to all the bands i listen to now, getting into more fandoms, going to a friends house for the first time

8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?.......Yes lol. Some years ago when i couldn't find smtn id be so annoyed and pissed id start crying. I dont now but still lol

9. who did you last see in person?.......Hm ig family doesn't count....? Wait do u mean a friend? If so uhh my friends rebekah, anika, and Judah at a TAB meeting at the library sometime last month.

10. are you good at hiding your feelings?......I think so? Like i mean I can hide whenever i get my....time of the month from my mom (talking abt stuff like that with her makes me uncomfortable) and i hid a breakup. And other p big stuff too. So imma say yeah

11. are you listening to music right now?........*pops on earbuds after reading this* yee im listening to bitch lasagna by pewdiepie xD (do i have the best spotify playlist or what?)

12. what is something you want right now?.......To hug @mysisterlooksforthisaccountsobye but SOMEONE has to live so far away

13. how do you feel right now?........Happy that my earbud still works cause they got washed in the wash yesterday....oops. Its not my fault. I told my dad to remind me to take it out of my jacket pocket before they threw it in but noooooo he forgot

14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?.......Uhhhhh fuck idk it was probably from my lil 4 yr old bro sometime last week. Other than him (hes my favorite sibling) i dont let them hug me too much

15. personality description.......Nerdy. Fangirl. "Emo". Tomboy. Hotsause obsessed. Book lover. Music lover. Black. Blue. Harry potter. Introvert. Fall. Sports. Values friendship. Loyal. Uhhhh i cant think of much lol

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?.......*sigh* yes. Yes yes yes. Theres some things abt me, or my life really, that i havent told anyone on here or my irl friends that i sooooo want to so bad but i haven't cause i feel like they'd feel bad and pity me and i don't want that

17. opinion on insecurities........I dont really understand this one. Everyones insecure abt something. Is this askin like if i think its ok or not? I say its ok. Im insecure about literally everything about me. My face. My personality. My socialness. My art. What i do. What i say. Basically my whole body. The things i feel good abt are my books, music taste, and my friends (ily fuckers)

18. do you miss how things were a year ago?.........Hmm this time around a year ago....idk its sorta the same but all the stuff i mentioned abt my year from last year didn't happen yet so nah tho my life sucks rn its better than this time last year

19. have you ever been to New York?........Nooo but i want too soo baddd i wanna visit @septembersbloom !! Im coming for ya soon gramps *does the eye watching thing* my dads been to nyc before tho cause he does construction and he had a concrete job to do there. It was a 23 hr drive for him

20. what is your favourite song at the moment?........Uhhh idk!!! So hard! Maybe.....the whole thats the spirit album by bmth ;)

21. age and birthday?.....15 yrs of age and September 27th 2003 (whats yours brainy? I'll put it on my calendar)

22. description of crush......Its weird idk im not sure if its a genuine crush or not but uh....They like hp :).Thats all u get

23. fear(s).......Losing my best friend @dirtysocke and my other friends. Death. Failure. Momo chasing after me then killing me slowly keeping my eyes open to look her dead in the eyes while i die

24. height......5'6 call me short and I'll fuck u up with THIS *pulls out trusty potato peeler named now steve* dont test me boi

25. role model......Hhhhhhhh so many! But uh gosh one of them is @superraedizzle (youtuberrrr) and vexx and bob ross and da vinci and aaaaaaa so many

26. idol(s)......First person that immediately comes to mind is @sammchenry cause he's super cool and he's really nice and his art's reallyyy good (if u havent seen it w-w-what are u even doin with your life?) And he has a great sense of humor and *continues to ramble about why samms the best*

27. things i hate.......Dabs. Transphobes. Homophobic ppl. Basically any hate on the lgbtq+ community. Bullies. The ship starker. Umbridge. Snape haters

28. i’ll love you if….....U you'll eat pizza, draw, and rp harry potter with mee

29. favourite film(s)......Fantastic beasts. Every hp film. Twilight. The maze runner 1-2. The hunger games. Spiderman homecoming. Kingsman: secret service. Into the spideyverse tho i havent seen it yet

30. favourite tv show(s)......Inkmasterrrrr. B99. The mick. The middle. Uhhh idk mostly ink master xD

31. 3 random facts........Ive never had shrimp. I had a beta fish for over a year once. Im eating pizza crust rn

32. are your friends mainly girls or guys?.......G i r l s. I have all girl friends irl and one boy. And on tumblr it seems like i just meet girls? Likei agree with @cristal-kyd1280 its like alot more gals then dudes here. But i do have some guy friends on here too. But mostly girls

33. something you want to learn.......TO DRAW ANATOMY DAMMIT

34. most embarrassing moment........Every moment of my lifes an embarrassing moment. Idk of i can pick a "most" embarrassing one. But one time i i sent my crush (now ex bf) a hey fuckface and like some hearts or whatever for an ask game that meant like "i have a crush on u" "youre adorable" etc and said Hewo but i did it all anonymously. But he confronted me askin if i sent it cause im the only person he knows that actually says hewo lol. Then later on i finally admitted i really liked him and well y'all know the story after i think. Unless you're new

35. favourite subject.......A R TTTT OFC

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?........meet my friends on tumblr. Get into mtsu (college i wanna go to) and study art. And go skydiving

37. favourite actor/actress........favorite actor uhhhhhh probably thomas brodie sangster or tom felton and my favorite actress? Hmmm idk maybe evanna lynch (luna lovegood)

38. favourite comedian(s).......probably kevin hart lol he's p funny

39. favourite sport(s)........basketballllllll and football

40. favourite memory........uhhhhh idk?? One oh my favorite memories was when we went to see tøp in concert

41. relationship status.....single as a pringle

42. favourite book(s)......harry potter and the order of the pheonix. Harry potter and the half blood prince. Simon vs the homo sapiens agenda. Divergent. Maze runner. Twilight. Fangirl. Fallen. Red queen

43. favourite song ever.......TOO HARD DONT MAKE ME CHOOSEEEEEE

44. age you get mistaken for.........16 and 17 sometimes lol

45. how you found out about your idol........i was watching someone on yt and superraedizzle always poped up in my feed and my mom turned on one of her vids cause she always saw her vids too now ive seen most of em i love her. Id heard of vexx but never watched him and i was watching a collab from anthony miller art and shrimpy and i checked out shrimpys channel and was lookin at comments and alot of ppl said his art is like vexxs so i checked out vexx. At first i was like eh ok. Now i cant click fast enough when he posts a vid. And i actually fpund out about bob ross from my grandpa on jan 20 2017 when trump was getting sworn in or whatever. We turned on pbs and my grampa told me to look and bob ross was on and i was IN. I loved it. I even started watching full episodes on YouTube of the joy of painting after that. Wonderful man. My first painting i ever did i think was when i followed one of his tutorials xD (i didnt know it was popular at the time)

46. what my last text message says......."ok your turn"

47. turn ons.....uhh nerds ig idk um book lovers, music lovers, art lovers, potterheads, idk and nice ppl

48. turn offs......jerks. Homophobia. Idk ig whatever i said in things i hate

49. where i want to be right now......uhhhh idk wait didn't i already answer this? Ok this ones different ig so uhh with my friend lucas

50. favourite picture of your idol.....oh shit...favorite? Idk xD i have a fave of vexx but not of rae or bob. But heres pics of them any way

51. starsign......a libraaaaa boiii

52. something i’m talented at......drawing and speed reading. Thats about it lol. Oh and procrastina

53. 5 things that make me happy.......ooooo art, my friends here on tumblr, books, harry potter, and music ^^

54. something thats worrying me at the moment.....if my friend thinks im being annoying

55. tumblr friends......hhhhh so manyyyyyy. @dirtysocke @mysisterlooksforthisaccountsobye @cristal-kyd1280 @chinesewaffles2 @kingantlion @queen-baelin @sammchenry @septembersbloom and more

56. favourite food(s)......green beans, pepperoni pizza, and vanilla madelines

57. favourite animal(s).......basically any reptile. Puppies. Cats. Any animal really but my #1 are snakes

58. description of my best friend.....well she's a tiny bean (5 feet) and she has dark hair, she wears glasses, she doesnt take shit, she's in love with Josh dun, she's awesome, funny, nice (YES youre nice jackie) and shes the best friend ive ever had. Oh. And she has a weird obsession with spaghetti

59. why i joined tumblr.......well i heard abt it on Pinterest over a year ago but didnt want it. Then @mrfastbass-deactivated20181231 on DeviantArt said he got tumblr so i made one then followed him and figured id just post art and that's it cause i thought tumblr was boring as hell when i first got it. Now im p much obsessed with it

60. ask me anything you want.......go ahead brainy shoot. Give me smtn good

[maychild]

dear doctor ep 7

i did love this episode simply for expanding the lore more and how the soul reapers work (the underworld has an HR department! lolll which i guess makes sense, otherwise, it'd be total anarchy with the soul reapers who were on vacation still on the clock and payroll...)

but i did not like all the whiplash the ep produced. first, prakan was adorable! wearing the hawaiian shirt of his own volition and going on totally-not-dates with tua! adorable! heart-stopping!

BUT THEN

then the show finally killed off prakan's mother (she was battling cancer and the signs she was getting killed were right there from the start but still...the whole storyline felt repetitive considering prakan only has one mode whenever death happens around him...)

the broody angsty muffin who's all like 'i hate you and my life is so much simpler and happier without you in it, tuaphee!' reappears. not that he was gone for long or that we like him that much...

LIKE PLEASE PICK A LANE AND STICK TO IT, U ANGST MUFFIN.

i'm trying to be understanding but the dude makes it tough.

i also realllly, reallly thought we were making some headway of the romantic variety. u just dont have an awkward reunion hug in a random hospital stairway unless u have feelings for the guy. i dunno, but i'm assuming u wouldnt...

this happened last ep--but u cant tell me this isnt a dude Going Through Feelings:

whenever someone tries to flirt with me:

but anyways, i find tua wayyy too handsome for his own good:

is nathee objectively handsome?? sure. but do i trust him?? def not, no siree.

[loyalbreed]

M Y    G A W A i N     V  S   whatever the fuck people think about him. Im throwing hands down in this post so lets go. A few things before we begin, there are no real canonical?? Ages--to be honest I find this to be debated rather widely. I always hc Gawain to easily be my own age in his Mid 20′s due to where it is he is taken in life. I’m going to apologize in advance the names of some people slip past me, as someone who works 40 hrs a week and is trying to research other things at the same time!! My ability to retain information isn’t as good as I use to be. FURTHER there are many iterations always of the Arthurian Legends. As well as mass amounts of thesis and research material, this is my own pull from reading what I have. O O 1 .  ( This may be a bit touchy please read at your own risk! ) The Tale of the Green Knight is a story about Gawain more or less finding himself. He is youthful at this age in my interpretation he’s roughly in his teens. My biggest gripe and interest in this is the whole Ordeal with The King  ( Bercilak ). Gawain asks to say in his castle for the time being, waiting for his challenge etc. Bercilak agrees on one condition, whatever gifts he receives that he must return to him by the end of his stay. My  G R i P E and own individual interpretation which imo heavily reflects his personality as of now when dealing with women. Is ONE OF HIS GREATEST challenges in this story is his plight with Chasity. Gawain had that more or less taken by him, pushed and pulled--forced on him to think about. The Grand Ol’ King sends his wife purposely every knight to Seduce Gawain. Who refuses her, where he often times is just there sitting. Admitting that she is most beautiful and coaxing his nerves that he finds her most darling. She pushes himself onto him time after time. Night after night. And he is subjected to this. In some narratives it is him desiring her back but making the choice not to because he knows it is the right thing to feel. In others he is most uncomfortable, where its described she is kissing him where he is just there feeling it.  What  i m p o r t a n c e  does this have? A lot actually;  Imo Gawain is a victim in this story. First of all he is unacknowledged that in some cases his own damn mother put this all together. To ‘Challenge’ him as a man and a Knight. Forcing a woman onto him to test his ‘Chasity’--which if we all Know Gawain is thrown out the window as he often finds himself wooing women and before the battle of Camlann comes to Arthur in a dream surrounded by women. However he is forced into this subject at the beginning of his ‘Youthful’ endeavors as ALLOCATED in the story this is PRE KNIGHT Gawain this is one of is basically the story that makes him who he inevitably becomes!! So yes this is established in a air of his youthful tidings.  Also I think this is a great underlined issue on how people don’t think men can suffer the same things women do when they are forced into sexual situations they dont want to be. Hey so lets remember that.  ALSO HEY, afterwards he is put in situations afterwards where women are woo’d by him most easily. Want him. Desire him. Etc, I do not recall reading a moment where he was ever quipped with the desire of WANTING someone himself. Not at all. He loved and enjoys women, but there was not entirely a moment where he himself pursued anyone specifically? If there is I’ve yet to read it and there are far more times where the latter is true. Take the story of Ragnell, Arthur fucks up and in order to save his ass he needs basically to ship his favorite Nephew ( GAWAIN ) off to some old hag lady. Gawain much obliges, he understands and loves his King. Admitedly doing anything for them. The story of Ragnell is great I’d love to write a meta( like with the Green Knight )about that but rn, the point is. Gawain didn’t want to marry her it was an arranged marriage. So when he comments about having left his marriage behind and wishing to pursue women freely again. Like at least he knows what he wants? 10/10 .                 And ontop of that, despite it turning out all well in the end. Gawain was the MOST hospitable husband. He was loyal to her. He loved her. He respected her. And he made damn well sure he was the man he need be for her. It’s stated time and time again that Gawain was a Knight established with this romanticism about him. As if to say he was more or less the ideal Knight for women. This is established more in all sorts of literature as he is always very endearing toward standing up for women. And believing in what women do and their own choices. Further I stated that Gawain never truly pursued women and was always swept up by them in text. Gawain is use to making women happy, when he is around he is most pleased to make them smile. To see them smile. He is around women and they ARE ALWAYS happy. That is just how it is-- FOR ME I INTERPRET THIS as a means that he MUST ALWAYS make women happy. He almost sees it as a job or a conditioned fault of his that he must do. And if he fails--then this is bad on him as a knight and as a person. It is sad in a sense that with a lot of his literature imo it comes off this way, that he just need be this way. he must always be the Knight whom women most love and respect. But what does this have to do With N A S U ‘s interpretation! Actually a lot!!!!!!! I love Nasu’s version of Gawain its rather spot on save for a few sexist things that I feel are a matter of cultural differences. That could easily be omitted and chalked up to Gawain being an idiot, rude, Blunt more likely, or just daft. Most of his rude comments are almost always because the other person has done something that he himself feels its warrant by to say. Where as someone may state ‘well you should know better.’ Gawain would out right tell you, ‘You were stupid and deserved what happened to you.’ As such is the difference, Gawain calling Nero a Whore despite being an adversary of women in arthurian legend marked me as odd??? For Nasu to do that, something I kinda was like mmmmmmmmmmmm. I do not agree, but then I remember how hot blooded Gawain actually is in Arthurian Legend. He has killed people for lesser reasons, started fights because he didnt get his way, and ultimately was a bit??? A brat. So him being mad and choosing the route of acting like child and making rather uncomely comments could make complete sense. Im down for this aspect / interpretation of Gawain. Even the comments about breasts and constantly having a taste or judgement of women. Which makes me laugh because I joke he is a fuck boy cause he kind of is? But he would never? Like he might tell a woman ‘You are not my type because I like this type of women.’ It would not be to insult them but to make that evident! But in my interpretation I make it that he has fetishes ( big breast etc ), but would genuinely adore all types of women. Also that he would be a bit dejected and confused if a woman denies him but he wouldnt be so much as--harmed by the ordeal?  Tbh hes more like THOR so I append any comments I had jokingly though Gawain to be mildly sexist. It really isn’t that he is not purposely saying bad things, he genuinely likes women. Wants women to be women and do women things. HE just knows what he wants. Likes what he likes and !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE WOULD PROBABLY TAKE A YANDERES LOVE AND BE LIKE???? OH SHOOT YOU WANNA KILL THE PEOPLE I LOVE??? I UNDERSTAND U ARE MOST EXCITED BUT I BEG OF U TO CEASE AT ONCE! Also if they kill him hes just like ‘well u are most welcome to try ma’dam.’ GAWAIN STRAIGHT UP WALKS IN ON BRYNHILD AND SIEGFRIED--WITH BRYN HAVING TIED HIM UP AND STRAIGHT UP WAS LIKE oh this is normal I apologize for intruding. As wel las Hakuno and Kiara--like Gawain is just stupid/daft/is chill with a lot. Which honestly if you put in aspect of a lot of the things with what I said prior. It can all tie neatly over and make a lot of sense.  Okay I think Im done venting/talking about him in this aspect!! I don’t condone his rather shitty words he’s an ass and says a lot of stupid shit. But I enjoy that he has personality--like dont get me started on his loyalty. This was about him + women + his lore and how this effects my interpretation thanks for reading.

[moraeshigae-blog]

all the texts : )

       texting meme! | accepting / @maskedpride​

Send “✆” for a MORNING text. 

( SMS → han jumin. ) good morning !! ( SMS → han jumin. ) i hope you dont miss elizabeth too much when you go to work today.( SMS → han jumin. ) ^^ cheering you on.

Send “✉” for a text that WASN’T SENT.  

( SMS → han jumin. ) i’m afraid if i stay here it won’t be good for you( SMS → han jumin. ) or for the rfa... and i wont be able to do a good job( SMS → han jumin. ) and i’ll disappoint everyone.( SMS → han jumin. ) pls let me go.

Send “☎” for a RUSHED text. 

( SMS → han jumin. )  i gotta go 2 class !! i’ll mssg u few hrs! dnt wanna be like yoosung ;)

Send “⁇” for a DRUNK text.

( SMS → han jumin. ) am ias cute as elziagbeht the 3rd mr .han?( SMS → han jumin. ) i’m rly curiouuuuuuuuuus to know( SMS → han jumin. ) sry for th etypoes( SMS → han jumin. ) i’m just so tired ( SMS → han jumin. ) and so sad :( :)( SMS → han jumin. ) can i call you??

Send “✿” for a SUGGESTIVE text.

( SMS → han jumin. ) you said i can be greedy..( SMS → han jumin. ) that i can act like a baby to you( SMS → han jumin. ) that i can be as greedy as i want.( SMS → han jumin. ) can i still take you up on that offer?  

Send “ø” for a LATE NIGHT text.

( SMS → han jumin. ) i know you’re looking at me( SMS → han jumin. ) across the room.( SMS → han jumin. ) will you join me? and keep me warm?

Send “✘” for a HATEFUL text.

( SMS → han jumin. ) you dont LISTEN to me!( SMS → han jumin. ) i said i’m TIRED jumin!( SMS → han jumin. ) please-- i dont WANT to talk about ///him/// or what he was like( SMS → han jumin. ) i thought you of all people would be understanding( SMS → han jumin. ) i dont want to talk to you for the rest of the night.  

Send “#” for a RANDOM text.

( SMS → han jumin. ) do you collect her fur? if so , that’s somewhat not healthy for your breathing

Send “@” for a SCARED text.

( SMS → han jumin. )   

Send “&” for a LOVING text.

( SMS → han jumin. ) ♥ ju- min- ( SMS → han jumin. ) min- ji( SMS → han jumin. ) there must be something common in our names.

Send “%” for a CURIOUS text.

( SMS → han jumin. ) jumin what other kinds of clothing do you like to wear?? o:

Send “ツ” for an EXCITED text.

( SMS → han jumin. ) i’ve been able to invite 15 guests so far in 5 days!!( SMS → han jumin. ) i know it’s not much yet!! but i’m so close!!

Send “$” for an ACCIDENTAL text.

( SMS → han jumin. ) yoosung i think he’s a good cat mom( SMS → han jumin. ) there’s nothing wrong w/ how he adores her( SMS → han jumin. ) it’s like you and your guild!

Send “♀” for a HEARTBREAKING text. 

( SMS → han jumin. ) i.. i( SMS → han jumin. ) i’ve been lying this whole time( SMS → han jumin. ) jumin pls dont be angry with me( SMS → han jumin. ) to be honest...( SMS → han jumin. ) i must confess( SMS → han jumin. ) i...( SMS → han jumin. ) i dont..( SMS → han jumin. ) //i dont like cats.//

[bornanxious2018]

What I would give to just have one actual conversation with my non verbal child 💙

I just had 24 hrs break in London with my girl and boy did we cram it all in , I’m more tired than I usually am with shopping and musicals and nail painting, and walking a lot carrying heavy bags ,but it’s time needed and so important to be me again, the selfish me that only worry’s about what I’m choosing to eat , but the other worry’s are never to far from the surface as time Out allows you to be Reflective , and being so busy day to do physically and emotionally you dont get time to sit and think , this weekend I’ve done a little evaluation of Oscar , where we are at , we’re we need to be in terms of progress and planning ,and I will happily say we’re on the right track , progress is set by him but I can control timings and the level of therapy, and our general attitude  towards it ,which does rub off on him , and I’m really happy with how it’s going and how he’s responding ,never in a million years would I have thought I would be preparing his bag to begin toilet training at school, but yes🎉that’s where we are at and it’s just proof that you have to set the scene  for progress then step back and they come into their own  , Oscar may never fully toilet train but whatever level we get too ,if we are moving forward that’s fine by me .

In an ideal word I’d love to have just one conversation with him , is he happy?, am I doing an ok job as his main career?, what would he like changed? Is there anything he would really really like , ect ect just a little peek into how he is feeling and if he’s happy , Just one  conversation then we can carry on as we are , it’s so very frustrating when you have a preverbal child , as the world assumes they have nothing to say! but you know as there mum/ caregiver just how much they want to say and the behaviour and frustrations are all part of it .

Just because someone doesn’t talk doesn’t mean they have nothing to say and I do read the signals as much as possible with Oscar, provide the visual clues , social stories but I think as his mum I will always have the fantasy in my head that he is verbal, and chatting away like most other five year olds he’s so cheeky and adorable and I would love to see the full extent of his little personality, and I bet he wouldn’t stop for breath, that’s my vision of him anyway , my cheeky spirited boy who can’t organise  or control his emotions , they take over him and they are heightened .

I think many Autism parents develop a different level of  if it’s not not ok ,with their kids , I certainly have , Oscar can make some noises were I know he’s very happy but to others that do not  know him ,he could sound hurt or in distress , I think that’s a skill we develop and the term ‘it’s ok happy noises ‘is used a lot in our house , while Oscar is screaming out he sounds upset but he’s expressing himself, when he isn't ok we really know about it , and then you always know it’s unquestionable , you just know. 🌟

And who’s to say Oscar won’t develop the skill of speech with his mouth, he already communicates in many other ways but I would love to have a conversation with him that’s two way , I cuddle him squeeze him tell him I love him he beams and hugs back, when the mood takes him , he's never said I love you but I know he does  , he says a few words usually copying the TV or things he has heard , so I have kind of heard his voice but I just really would love to know what his voice is like as well , somethings he says sound pre recorded or American.

speech is something that’s a huge barrier for Oscar and many other Autistic children, at this time due to his age we are unsure if it is his global delay or Autism , speech delay can catch up which I’m hopeful for , but many Autistic children they don’t ever develop understanding of language, or unlock speech which is why I’m putting everything into his therapy in his early years to give him all the chances .💙💙

where my son is concerned there will be no chance left u turned 😉 

[himenation]

💖 BTS LOVE YOURSELF WORLDTOUR IN AMSTERDAM (ZIGGO) 131018 💖

PRECONCERT

I finally managed to get tickets, but I already bought expensive tickets on stubhub I had to sell at the venue on Saturday ;;; But first I had to go to Korean School, but I had a fever and was feeling so sick (I still am...) When we arrived at the venue, it was SO CROWDY?????!!!!! there were a lot of fans and the weather was so hot too wow :o Anyways I still managed to sell my tickets and made two armys really happy <3 

In the venue I was by myself and made a new friend and we talked so much! They were playing MVs and I couldn't wait any longer ;; My view for the stage was amazing too! I could see everything really well and I`was pretty close too :D

I posted fancams and fanpics on my twitter  

SETLIST (2,5 hr) 1. IDOL 2. SAVE ME 3. IM FINE 4. MAGIC SHOP 5. JUST DANCE (JHOPE) 6. EUPHORIA (JUNGKOOK) 7. I NEED U 8. RUN 9. SERENDIPITY (JIMIN) 10. LOVE (NAMJOON) 11. DNA 12. MEDLEY - BOYS WITH FUN 13. MEDLEY - ATTACK ON BANGTAN 14. MEDLEY - FIRE 15. MEDLEY - BAEPSAE 16. MEDLEY - DOPE 17. AIRPLANE PT 2 18. SINGULARITY (TAEHYUNG) 19. FAKE LOVE (ROCK VERSION) 20. SEESAW (YOONGI) 21. EPIPHANY (JIN) 22. THE TRUTH UNTOLD 23. TEAR 24. MIC DROP 25. SO WHAT 26. ANPANMAN 27. LOVE MYSELF

Note: I didn't film everything, I was only holding my phone at some songs at some parts, Idk how I remember everything so clearly, but they mean so much to me so probably my mind wanted to remember everything ;;

CONCERT They started Idol with lots of fireworks, am I really seeing bangtan? I couldn't believe my eyes AT ALL. The fan chants were amazing too, in my fancams Im screaming a lot AHAHHA but oh my god..... I still cant believe I saw bangtan!!! I also wanted to say they talked Dutch a lot (Namjoon: Aangenaam Kennis te maken, Jungkook: Geniet van de Show and I cant remember what the others said). And then they did the Save me + im fine and really save me and im NOT fine. it was so good SKFJKSDJFS Im fine is one of my favourite songs of ANSWER and I JUST SAW IT LIVE TOO?! And next up was Magic Shop, which is such a beautiful song. Especially singing ‘’I show you’’ to bangtan made me really teary and the precious VMIN moments too <3 I also want to say I've never seen any live performances (except the old songs, medley, mic drop, anpanman, im fine and idol)! Now Jhope and Jungkook were about to have their solo, and the dance moves in just dance of JHOPE. I need.... air, he is so good ;;;; Jungkook was still hurt and was doing Euphoria while sitting (he also did lots of choreos on the chair). And he had such a beautiful smile at the ‘high note parts’ it made me so weak and soft ;u; And I expected this song, but then I didn't expect it either, but this was another version of I NEED U and they were all wearing white and lowkey were looking like the most beautiful angels and human beings ive ever seen ;; We had to rap yoongis part too! and tHEN SJSKFJKSJ RUN RUN!!!! RUNN CAME!!!! IM SOBBING, I LOVE RUN SO MUCH?!!!! And now Serendipity was next :’) this was the most cutest, adorable, yet beautiful and so jimin performance I have EVER SEEN. He was playing with bubbles, doing a smooth choreo and smiling/giggling a lot, but the heartbeat he did? My heartbeat was total flat line at that POINT because that was TOOO MUCH JIMINess. Next up was our president: Kim Namjoon, he had so much fun performing and I did the fan chants so loudly ;; DNAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! I know I say I dont like DNA a lot, but the moment I heard the flute I screamed the fan chants so loudly and since ive been screaming for more than an hour too: I was losing my voice. BUT FIRST OF ALL, IS KING TAEHYUNG LOOKING AT JHOPE WHILE DANCING (INSTEAD OF THEIR BACKS ON EACHOTHER), THEN HE IS HOLDING JUNGKOOK WHILE SINGING? EXCUSE ME SIR.

JIMIN BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION So during this MC, the screen behind turned into a Jimin screen and it said In dutch ‘’My Angel and my world’’ and jimin is indeed our angel and our world! he was so happy and started running towards the main stage (they were on the extended stage) and he went on his knees and said things like thank you!!! I love you!! and this is my best birthday and wont forget it either!! (things like that) and the member started running (EVEN INJURED JUNGKOOK!) towards him too and hugging him ;; We all sang happy birthday to him!

Medley and then the amazing medley! they started with Boys with Fun (taehyung didn't choreo his dance :( ) but it was nevertheless really amazing! Jungkook was doing lots of choreos on the chair during this medley! During Attack on Bangtan; Jimin was sitting on the floor and looking at Jungkook and both had such a beautiful smile ;; And it was so quiet and suddenly taehyung screamed MAKE SOOMEEEEE NOOOISE and you heard a loud ‘’Bultaoreune’’ and [closed] they did the 3:33 [username himenation more closed]. their energy was mind-blowing! Especially Jimins! and suddenLY BAEPSAE CAME AN I REALY LOVE THIS SONG (they were A LOT less wild and less hoe-ing than in USA, they did baepsae how they always did it lol). but everyone jumped away from the stage to give Jhope is part anD DAMN JHOOOOOPEEEE. After BAEPSAE they dID DOPE GUYS!!!!!!!! and jungkook did the choreo while sitting, oh god I love bts so much man

Concert part 2 After DOPE they did AIRPLANE PT 2. And I havent mentioned yet how gorgeous they looked, but especially Jin! He was wearing this oversized holographic-ish shirt but looked so amazing and the namjin part [ooof], jin also accidentally exposed his abs lol (Issa win for the kimseokjinstans), but also the yoongmin part, the dance EVERYTHING! 

And... singularity came, guys.... taehyung is my bias, but he wrecked me so much this whole concert, ive been sobbing man, this man is so perfect ;; the way he sings it, his voice, dance, aura, his visuals, all A+ After singularity they did the rock version of Fake Love and they were wearing this black outfit, with lots of mesh, leather etc They looked so OOF. But the funniest part was everyone chanting I DONT KNOW NAN MOLLA (its not even part of the fanchant HAAHHA). and then finally! MR YOONGIS SOLO! MY FAV RAPPERS SOLO! He was on a table, but he was performing like he was on a seesaw (the meaning of the song is past-present though) but IT WAS SO GOOD!!! and now we were about to go emo, because jin started his solo on a piano ;; his mic didn't work properly in the beginning so the fans started to sing for him, but after one-two sentences he got his mic back and he continued and the song was so beautiful I got so teary ;; And then we had the truth untold, in other words the superior song by the vocal line ever. It was.... so...... beautiful.......... taehyung and jimin both changed their notes, which made this song more memorable. Jimin was crying though (and I think taehyung a bit too) it gave the performance such an amazing touch; how they were able to sing with such emotions. Jungkooks mic didn't work In the beginning either, so we sang for him! I was such a mess I was feeling so emotional ;;;;;;;;; im so glad TEAR was up next because rapline POPPED OFF AND CAME FOR OUR WIGS AND EVERYONE. IT WAS SO GOOD! The whole venue turned black, with greenlights and laser OH GOD and oh my god oh my god the raps oh my god. And now MIC DROP REMIX CAME UP INCLUDING THE DANCE BREAK KJFKSJDKSJKFSJJFKS jungkook didn't participate but wow THIS SONG AND THE FANCHANTS??!! THE Bodyrolls were so cool, taehyung came for my wig! 

ENCORE They all came in blue pants and their white t-shirt. Jimin also had a cap on! they all looked so handsome omg (when do they not!?) But when they sung SO WHAT, I burst into tears because I realised it was about to end ;; Jin was being very very very wild with a towel, did the shoot dance with jungkook (yes he tried to!!!) jin and taehyung did their part again, and taehyung was wearing an orange hairband (on purpose) and playing with it ;^; During anpanman taehyung was holding jungkook and singing his part, then jin came running towards jungkook and was dancing very wildly he fell on the grOUND KFJKFSKJ also our president came to jungkook too and pat his shoulders ;;; jimin gave his cap to jungkook OOOF SO MANY INTERACTIONS!!!!! and lastly... LOVE MYSELF, I cried so hard, during this song I couldn't even breathe. its one of the most beautiful songs ive ever heard and hearing those voice and message coming from bangtan really made me cry. They mean so much to me. The VMIN part had me on the floor, I couldn't handle it anymore and my friend started hugging me :( 

LAST MC Yoongi said he loved Amsterdam a lot and it was so far one of the best concerts they ever had. We were so loud! They also admitted they wanted to come here last year, but it got cancelled and they feel sorry they couldn't do a 2nd date here, but theyre coming back next year! Jhope also talked how he was sightseeing with taehyung and jungkook talked that he was thinking about things a lot lately. Jimin was being the cutie again and was copying fans, but he called us his presents too :(( Jin also talked dutch but I couldn't really understand HAHAH but then Jhope wanted say goodbye (doei) and he kept saying DOEI, DOEIDOEI, DDDDOEEII, DOEIDOEIDOEI, DOEEEEEII, DDDDOEEEI and made it sound like a sound effect and bangtan followed and they were laughing so much :’)

Jiminbar (a fansite) turned zing into jimin by advertising his birthday!! ooof the banner and the whole venue looked GREAT! 

I really loved the concert so much, and I miss them so much. I cant wait to see them again :(( theyre such great human beings, bless them T_T They know how to perform! Their vocals and dance moves are a whole another level, and if you think they sound good on CD? bish get ready for hearing it live, because it sounds so much better!!!! Im going to miss them so much, but thank you Jin, Yoongi, Namjoon, Jhope, Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook for being in my life, changing it for the better, cheering me up, having good music and being such great humble human beings <3 I love you guys so much. See you next time <3