#I FINALLY HAVE THE FULL URL AFTER 6 FUCKING YEARS

[mikesoup]

mike-soup --> mikesoup

THE DAY HAS ARRIVED

[slicedblackolives]

tagged by my beloved @scripps

1. why did you choose your url?

bauliya means hysterical/crazy woman in garhwali which is my ancestral language that i cannot speak rip

2. any side-blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

i have a sideblog thats my full name for hoarding purposes which i am not going to mention, @gatha which was supposed to be my writeblr but is in limbo and @queenkenna which is my choices sideblog even though i don't really care much for the game anymore!

3. how long have you been on Tumblr?

i've had this blog since December 2018, but I joined in late 2017 (my first blog got purged). I've been following my favourite fanwriters' blogs since 2013 tho, by bookmarking them on chrome

4. do you have a queue tag?

i used to, #queuedforherpleasure but then i stopped caring

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

mormor and yuri!!! on ice!

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

does a photo of ian mckellan at pride need an explanation (wanted a bi pride magneto but found something better)

7. why did you choose your header?

IT'S PRIDE (2014) TIME BABY!

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

this one with 290k notes :(

9. how many mutuals do you have?

i don't know but i love talking cherik with you! is there a mutuals list tho?

10. how many followers do you have?

hmmm no this is influencer behavior don' like that

11. how many people do you follow?

1646! after i purged every account that was inactive for more than a year. and followed a TONNNEEE of cherik blogs over the last few weeks

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

they're all either shitposts or my official theses depending on the time of day

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

way too often but i'm taking finals during a humanitarian crisis I Am Stressed

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

oh my gooood. yes. greatest hits (not hyperlinked because lazy):

- captain america was wrong in civil war (i lost this one the second disney bought the x-men rip and fuck you mickey mouse)

- yes all american soldiers are bad even the racial and sexual minorities (i won, obvs)

- hall of fame villain's fight

- so many pro-ao3 posts that clogged my notes w puritans (i won)

- that let pride have kink thing with @/bpdstuff

i need to pick fewer battles

15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

scroll scroll scroll

16. do you like tag games?

yes i like being reminded people know i exist

17. do you like ask games?

nope. my followers aren't an interactive lot

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

none of you. i block tumblr famous people <3

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

at this point i have a crush on everyone that isn't a total fascist quarantine's hard

20. tags?

@hammyletto @ta1k-less @evergardenwall @kinaaremp3@by-nina @whiffingbooks @dragoncreek319 @akasanata @kirkisms

[citrinekay]

On September 6, 2019 I posted my very first Mindhunter fic to AO3, two whiskeys straight. At the time, I had no idea I was about to spend the next year of my life writing for this pairing, religiously re-watching the two amazing seasons we’ve gotten (so far!), and enjoying perhaps one of the best fandom experiences of my life. I thought I should mark the occasion by reminiscing on all of my 51 works I’ve produced in the last year, and thanking some of the people who have encouraged and inspired me. 

TOTAL WORDS WRITTEN: 679,747 (holy shit!! This number doesn’t include what I’ve written on my current WIP which just crossed the 70k threshhold and doesn’t look to be wrapping up anytime soon lol)

TOTAL SERIES (3): The Summer of 81, Fragile (Handle With Force), In Your Eyes 

TOP 5 WORKS BY HITS

1. The Summer of 81 series (lumping these 4 fics into one position since it would take up too many spots lol)  2. The Golden Boys  3. All This, And Love Too, Will Ruin Us  4. Full Windsor  5. Neon Dreams

TOP 5 MOST RE-READ FICS BY BOOKMARKS

1. Two Whiskeys Straight  2. The Golden Boys  3. Messy Suits You  4. Neon Dreams  5. All This, And Love Too, Will Ruin Us

TOP 5 MOST LOVED FICS BY COMMENTS

1. The Golden Boys 2. Red Bordeaux, 1971 3. Two Martinis Dry 4. All Our Lies 5. Two Whiskeys Straight 

TOP 5 MOST UNDERRATED FICS (in my personal opinion but also by hit count)

1. The Quality of Memory 2. At The Speed of Light 3. Last Resort 4. Deconstruct 5. Every Time We Kissed (There Was Another Apple To Slice Into Pieces)

I would love to hear from everyone what their absolute favorite fic is! Or if you can’t choose, your current favorite. I definitely have my own prejudices when it comes to my fics, and some of my favorites didn’t even crack the top 5

MY PERSONAL TOP 5 THAT DIDN’T MAKE OTHER CATEGORIES

1. Our Own Private Hells 2. Near Misses 3. Four Hundred and Seven Hours 4. Lake Michigan 5. Porcelain & Pink  6. (yeah, yeah I know I said top 5) An Excess of Dangerous Curiosity 

Enough about me, though! I’ve read some fics in this fandom that have truly blown me away. I’m still going to be thinking about some of these in five years whether I’m still writing for this pairing or not. 

TOP 5 FAVORITE FICS BY OTHER AUTHORS:

1. Vacancy by arbitrarily on AO3. As far as I know, this is the only MH fic this person ever wrote, but it was literally my gateway drug to the pairing. Everything about this fic is amazing - the prose, the pacing, the characterization, the visceral imagery, and the brutal, almost unbearable emotion. 100/10 recommend. 

2. All The Sins (You Never Had The Courage to Commit) by @mormon-hair. I’ve been reading fanfic for a long time, but this is the first one that actually brought me to tears. It’s a crime boss/ undercover FBI agent AU that I was not expecting to evoke such strong emotions from me, but by the end I was rooting for them to be together so strongly that I actually shed a few tears. 

3. Moons, Junes, and Ferris Wheels by moonrocks. I thought about this fic for a solid week after I read it, then I re-read it probably five more times. The ending was not at all what I was expecting, and even though there’s no clear-cut resolution I kind of love the fact that it’s left with so many questions as the show itself often is. 

4. The Lesser Key of Holden Ford by @vivarocksteady. Holy shit this fic blew my socks off!! It is not for the faint of heart. There’s demon possession, the forces of evil, and religious guilt all working against Bill and Holden before they finally get to admit their true feelings to each other, but goddamn was it fucking worth it. I’ve read this one a second time also and will probably re-read again in the future. 

5. Weak Hearts and Blank Spots also by moonrocks (and including the subsequent sequels) This series stole my heart. I waited impatiently every week for the update and tried to be the first person to comment every time because I loved it that much. It’s just my type - lots of angst, mutual pining, and hurt feelings before Bill and Holden manage to get together. 

6. Honorable mentions: A Sudden Red by by mormon-hair, Stripped Down to the Bone and Flirting With An Addiction I Can’t Shake Off both by @bambikieren​. (and their current project But to the Dead, the Truth which isn’t complete yet, but I’m loving so far) 

I’d also just like to do a quick shout-out to all the people who have contributed to my success in this fandom whether currently or in the past, left comments, encouraged me, given me prompts, or just been all around awesome:

@citruslucy @lovesight @rominatrix @loveislove5887 @ashtheironbat @randomwriter23 @buster-kitten @heymikkimouse @amygirl90 @crownofstardustandbone @queenielacy @lowkeystandom​ @this-sentiment​ @heyitshamderson​ @thesummerof-83​ @winderwaven​ @woollenpharaohs​ @nerodeniro​

There’s so many other people who I have interacted with over the course of the last year that I can’t remember, or I just don’t know their tumblr urls, or they aren’t on tumblr at all. If I’ve left anyone out, just know I’m collectively imagining all the good times and kind words this fandom has given me. I’m also thinking about the people who have read all of my fics religiously, but were too shy to comment or reach out - hey, I love you guys too and I do notice when I see kudos or reblogs/likes from people I have never spoken to. 

The last year has been crazy, confusing, and sometimes scary with everything that’s going on in the world right now, but this fandom and pairing has been a comforting presence, a little escape from the fray. I feel as if I’ve become a better author in this year of record-breaking writing, and I’ve put out some works that I’m still going to be proud of in five years time. Here’s to rest of this ride, for however long it lasts! Cheers, friends 🙌🥂💛

[anotherobsessedsomething]

~ 30 Questions Tag ~

Got tagged by @illicitfuck thank you Rei for thinking of me <3 you made my day you have no idea how much I love tags and answering questions :D

1) name/nickname: Not sharing my real name on here and I also don’t really have a nickname but I use Persephone for writing and stuff so maybe you could say that that is my nickname. (Feel free to call me Persephone on here if you want to :D)

2) star sign: Taurus

3) height: 5′3 / 160 cm

4) birthday: May 6th

5) favorite bands: Måneskin (thanks Rei for already putting them here :P :D), The Rolling Stones, The Bee Gees, Muddy What?, Santana, Rosenstolz,  Electric Light Orchestra, BAP, Smokie and a lot more that don’t come to my mind right now :D

6) time: 9:30 pm

7) favorite solo artists: Oh god let me think I don’t even listen to that many solo artists on a regular basis (like in more than just a few songs of them)... okay here is what came to my mind: Lucky Dube, Suzi Quatro, Frank Sinatra, Harpo... that’s all I could come up with sorry :D

8) song stuck in your head: Amandoti Cover by Måneskin

9) last movie you watched: Twilight

10) Dream Trip: Right now I just want to be somewhere at the ocean like Italy or Greece (but somewhere not so touristy because I don’t like people :D) and just chill there and relax. My future dream trip I hope I can do after my graduation in 2 years is going to Botswana for 2 Month.

11) Last Show: Young Royals on Netflix

12) When I Created This Blog: When I started writing fanfictions about 3 years ago.

13) What I Post: Whatever I am obsessed with which right now is Måneskin :D and random thoughts or stuff I like or find funny or important :D Idk I just post about whatever I like :D

14) Last thing I googled: “In which direction to turn your key to open the front door ” (The story behind this: I moved into a new apartment two weeks ago and it’s all new and it has super heavy doors that are so fucking hard to open and after desperately trying to unlock the stupid door for five minutes I wasn’t so sure anymore about which way is the right way to turn the key because neither way worked and I was afraid of breaking the key if I accidently turn it to hard in the wrong direction. End of story: I called my bf almost crying asking if he remembered which direction is the right one and he did and then I tried again with full force and the damn thing finally opened)

15) Other Blogs: None

16) Do I get asks? Sometimes but not many but I’d love to get more so if you wanna ask me anything or talk to me please feel free it always makes me so happy if people want to talk to me :)

17) Why I Chose My URL: Because it’s who I am, just another obsessed fangirl :D

18) Following: 167

19) Followers: Tumblr says 1212 but most of these are bots because if I post something there are usually about 10 people who interact with my posts (unless something goes viral in a tag of course) It’s very annoying because I’d actually like to know how many people are really following me and are interested in my stuff but I guess I’ll just never know...

20) Average Hours Of Sleep: I need 7-8 hours minimum and if I get less than 6 hours I feel like shit

21) Lucky Number: 13, 7, 2, 21 (just numbers I like for whatever reason when I was a teenager 13 definitely was my lucky number)

22) Instruments: None because sadly I have no musical talent :/ I tried to teach myself playing guitar when I was 16 but I failed :D But I am actually thinking of trying to learn an instrument again these days just because I find it very cool to make your own music and it’s just such a nice way to express yourself and tbh also because of Vic De Angelis and her bass :D

23) What Am I Wearing: I just took a bath and just put on some comfy clothes after so I am simply wearing sweat pants and one of my bf’s shirts I stole from him because I like oversized shirts :D

24) Dream Job: Being an actress. It simply is my passion. Right now I am studying social work though (which I like too) but I am trying to do some acting on the side because seriously when I am infront of a camera I just feel like that’s where I belong. I just did some filming in May and June and when I was on set I realized that I haven’t been that happy and didn’t feel that much like myself since years and even if it’s just a no budget movie for now it’s like one step closer to my dream. Also I could totally imagine working part time as a social worker but also doing acting jobs because it would certainly put some pressure off if I’d have a steady income and can just choose whatever projects I like without necessarily having to earn a living with it (not that I’d complain lol)  :D

25) Favorite Food: Pasta & Potatoes in any form. :D Oh and Antipasti because I just love having many different dishes to choose from.

26) Tea or Coffee: I drink neither of it regularly.

27) Nationality: German.

28) Favorite Song: Right now Vent’anni by Måneskin (and basically half of their discography)

29) Last Book I Read: The midnight rose by Lucinda Riley

30) Top 3 Fictional Universes I Would Like To Live In:

1. Harry Potter Universe (because we don’t like JKR in this house but we certainly love the Potterverse especially if we can make it so queer that JKR would faint lol)

2. Maybe “Die jungen Ärzte” (= ”The young doctors”) It’s a german medical drama series maybe you could compare it to Grey’s Anatomy just less dramatic and with more happy endings :D anyway I just love that series and the actors and the characters and I’d really like to live in that universe just so I could for once have such caring and nice doctors treating me who’d magically find a solution for my chronic illness just like they always do on TV :D

3. Idk does the kind of fictional Universe where I am friends with Måneskin count? :D

I am tagging: @parva-noctua @ginny-lily @bexfangirlforlife and everyone who wants to do this, no pressure though :)

[saintends]

1. why did you choose your url? Though i guess most who want to know about it already do, here's the story: I dated someone i truly really loved, and after a long relationship online only, we finally met in person and they decided a romantic relationship is not what they wanted... We became "friends" and split a cheap best friends pendant necklace pair. The part i got had "st ends" on it, and i use that as an abbreviation for saint ends.. I still wear the necklace on occasion, even in some selfies. Mostly keep the url as an aesthetic thing, but also as a reminder of the person i was with. We have since lost contact... Probably for the best :(

2. any side blogs? Nope! My bullshit here is enough!

3. how long have you been on tumblr? Since like... Freshman year of highschool...... So around 2012/2013? Almost a decade..

4. do you have a queue tag? I don't even have a queue.... I am the controller of the flow of bullshit.

5. why did you start your blog in the first place? I REALLY admired an artist on here and wanted to follow them... They were not exactly a good person tho so I've no clue what they're up to lately.

6. why did you choose your icon or pfp? I love fucked up cat pictures and have a save folder of them that I've been adding to for years.

7. why did you choose your header? Im unhinged but in a cute and funny way and you are jealous of that <3

8. what is your post with the most popular notes?

Haha it was about Homestuck back in tha day... It's irrelevant now tho!

9. how many mutuals do you have? Alot! Not sure of the exact number, but most people i interact with are my mutuals.

10. how many followers do you have? 733!

11. how many people do you follow? 729 but honestly a good chunk are probably just dead blogs from years ago.

12. have you ever made a shit post?

HAUTE. CHOCLATEY. MILK.

13. how often do you use tumblr? I'm here even when I'm not here.

14. have you ever had a fight with another blog? I don't think so? I've shamed some toxic idiots but never a direct feud that I remember

15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog” posts? They are bullshit. Manipulation through guilt ain't the way y'all! <3

16. do you like tag games? Yeah but I'm lazy af :(

17. do you like ask games? Yes. Pls interact. I'm lonely and full of love. Still looking for the bitch I can dump all that affection on.

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? A few actually... Clay a.k.a. smallrat36wagon , Dott a.k.a. cometcrystal.... I see their posts circulating alot and kinda piss my pants over the social pressure they exert in a good way

19. do you have a crush on a Tumblr mutual? Yeah... Sadly 🥺 idk if they feel the same and I wish I could get reassurance from them but they got their own shit going on. My brain likes to bully me and I often forget that not everybody hates me and only talks to me out of some twisted joke or dare.

I was tagged by @therealhieronymous

And ...

I tag u if u read this... Teehee! :3c

[crystalninjaphoenix]

Chaos Theory

Part Two

(Here, have Jackie solving puzzles. That’s all this part is.)

The city buses stopped running at eleven each night, which meant when Jackie arrived at a bus stop at 12:32am he wasn’t even going to entertain the idea of taking a ride back to his apartment. Besides, even if they did run this late, he doubted any bus driver would give a ride to the city vigilante, which he was easily identifiable as while wearing this suit.

He sat down on the bench, using the light from the streetlights to see while he tore open the cardboard box. The laptop inside was clunkier than the most recent models, and it didn’t have a brand label on it anywhere. When he pried it open, there was a yellow sticky note on the screen, with a message made from letters cut out from a newspaper: The password is your birthday, year and all. 6 digits.

“Oh great. Psycho knows my birthday, got a real stalker here,” Jackie muttered to himself as he powered up the computer. A hysterical smile twisted his face. “What else does he know? My shoe size? My underwear color?” He let loose a small giggle as he typed his birthday into the slot for the password: 100790.

PASSWORD INCORRECT flashed on the screen. Jackie blinked, then reentered the series of numbers, slower. The same message popped up. Jackie leaned back against the bench. Were there more numbers? No, the note said six. Then it hit him. He typed in 071090. The lock screen disappeared, the desktop loading up. Jackie breathed a sigh of relief. Stupid backwards American dates. Stupid American creep getting him to play this twisted game.

Speaking of that guy, he said the first set of puzzles would be in the files. Jackie went to pull off his glove so he could use the mousepad on the laptop before remembering he already took it off. He shrugged, then gave the screen’s desktop a once-over. Mostly empty, except for a few shortcuts on the desktop, including one for Google Chrome. The background picture was a blank red screen that kind of hurt Jackie’s eyes to look at. The only thing pinned to the taskbar was the file explorer, so Jackie clicked on that.

After exploring the files, he found there was a single zip folder in the Documents named “Set 1.” After unzipping it, he found it contained two files: 1.txt and 1.ogg.

Wait, wasn’t .ogg an audio file? Did he dare risk playing whatever message this...gamemaster left for him while in a public place? Sure, it was midnight and the streets were empty as far as he could see, but you never knew...and then Jackie noticed the pair of white earbuds sitting in the box next to the laptop. He closed his eyes and sighed, then plugged the earbuds in and put them on.

The laptop came with an audio player installed, which he clicked on, uploading the 1.ogg file. He pressed play and—

“Jesus fuck!” Jackie yanked out the earbuds, instinctively leaning back against the wave of distorted sound that had blasted his ears. He hurried to press pause on the sound. “What the shhhhhit was that?” He hissed.

He decided to come back to that later, opening the 1.txt file with notepad. Inside was empty, except for a url: 6368616f737468656f7279.com. Jackie frowned, then opened the Internet browser, copy-pasting the url into the search bar.

The webpage that popped up was blank white except for a single line of text: Enter Password with a space to type something.

“Are you fucking—?!” Jackie set the laptop on the bench and stood up, walking a few circles around the bench and pulling on his fingers while he tried to calm down. “Okay. Okay, focus. Think, Jackie. Get into that zone. What could the password be? Where could I find it?”

After a few minutes of walking, something occurred to him. That distorted audio. First, what was the point of it? Why include it if it wasn’t important to the puzzle? And second, he’d heard a lot of distorted audio before. This didn’t sound like random white noise. It sounded like something that had been a normal audio file, but had been tampered with.

So, stands to reason that there would be a way to un-tamper it. And maybe...there would be a message once the puzzle was unscrambled. Jackie took a deep breath, then sat back down and grabbed the laptop again.

The computer’s audio player had settings to edit the file with. After speeding up the sound, playing with the pitch, and reversing the audio, he had it sounding almost recognizable. In fact, it sounded familiar...Jackie pressed the earbuds closer. He knew this song. “What is this?” he muttered. He racked his brains, flapping his wrist to help him think. Come on, he definitely knew it...

“Lone Digger!” He finally shouted. “Yea!” He punched the air. The song was by Caravan Palace, who were absolutely fantastic. Jackie wasn’t usually one for electro swing, but he liked them. He actually recommended them to JJ the other day—

Jackie froze. Oh. JJ.

On the one hand, the gamemaster could’ve chosen the song at random. On the other, if this guy knew who his friends were...how many conversations could he have overheard? What if the song choice meant something?

Jackie checked the time on the laptop clock. 12:41am. He had five hours and nineteen minutes left. That sounded like such a short amount of time. He took a deep breath. The night felt a lot colder than it had even a few moments before.

He’d done his best to clear up the distortion in the song, but there were still some odd random noises. Maybe there was another program to help with that. He scanned the shortcuts on the desktop. A visualizer program? He opened it, then loaded his editted version of the 1.ogg file. There were a few filters he could turn on, and he began messing about with them. When he turned on the spectrogram, he sat up straight. Numbers had suddenly appeared in the visual representation of the sound file. 1031, it read.

Jackie switched back over to the strange website, entering 1031 in the spot for the password. After a few seconds when he waited with baited breath, the page changed from the password screen to a map, along with a sidebar with some text along the left of the screen. He recognized the area the map was showing: a spot in the west side of the city, a historic section. The map had no markers. But the sidebar with text could hold some answers. Three questions were written there.

Jackie took a deep breath, fingers drumming on the bench next to him. This area wasn’t too close, but if he ran, he should get there within thirty minutes. Okay. He was doing good on time. He could do this. He deliberately pushed away the voice in his head reminding him of the stakes of the game, reading through the questions.

1. Q: What is the shortest blade a knife can have and still be brought to a public gathering, as of current city laws?

A: _ inches

2. Q: How many letters are there in the British Sign Language Alphabet?

A: 2_

3. Q: What year was the first film with sound released?

A: 192_

Okay. If Jackie had any doubts about who he was trying to save for the first set, they had now been erased. His stomach was full of worms, but he pushed them down farther and calmly opened another tab on the browser.

He had to Google the city laws on knives, and then open up a converter for metric system to American system, but he found the answer easily enough. He didn’t need Google for the second question; it was technically a trick. If you were talking letters and not signs in general, there were the same number of letters as the spoken and written English alphabet. He did have to look up the last one, though.

(3) inches. 2(6) letters. 192(7).

367.

Jackie examined the map on the screen again. There, an address in the area: 367 Studio Blvd, a street appropriately named as an old film studio was located there. In fact, the studio’s address was 367.

The time was 12:49am.

The clock was tick, tick, ticking.

Jackie slammed the laptop shut. He knew how to get there. He was fast, and he had the stamina to run for a while. He packed the computer and its earbuds back into the cardboard box, then stood up.

“Hang on, Jays. I’m coming,” he whispered. And then he ran. 

[surejo]

( victoria pedretti, cis woman ) hey ! have you seen JOSEPHINE “JO” CORMAC around ? SHE works at the HOT COCOA STAND at big bear resort, but they must be off their shift by now. well, if you do see them can you let me know ? they’re 24 years old & they’ve been working here for TWO YEARS. they tend to be +OPTIMISTIC & +EMPATHETIC, but can also be -IMPRACTICAL & -PASSIVE. the other employees have labeled them THE IDEALIST. thanks a lot ! ( the few nights the stars can be seen, books worn down by dog-ears and marks left throughout the years, the first crisp breeze of autumn, the duality… of t.s. eliot ) 

OK. a few notes before i get started:

1) i hope everyone loves how i literally j copied my ivan stuff. url format? ‘sure jan’ lives on. theme? too lazy to find a different one that’s easy to work with. luv that for me. 2) speaking of this theme i forget if i addressed this on ivan’s blog but tabbed bullets don’t appear tabbed.... so if anything seems like it doesn’t make total sense.... it is supposed to be tabbed™. 3) get ready for drama!!!!! you may ask yourself “but the app looks so tame! there will be no drama!” but you are wrong........ because she loves cats. the t.s. eliot book......... the musical........ even the movie.

ok jo,, is also a resurrected character,,, hence how i already kno,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, that she loves cats. anyway ! let’s begin ! (listen,,,, the intro format will at least be a little different from ivan’s ok im evolving)

QUICK FACTS:

full name: josephine “jo” rose cormac

date of birth: march 6, 1995

*does not perfectly reflect the below big three zodiac chart because that’s too much math

zodiac big three: pisces sun, gemini moon, cancer rising

gender & pronouns: cis woman & she/her

sexual orientation: bisexual ( preference for women bc we luv that for her but we also luv leaving things open to chemistry )

education: bachelor in english - literature that she is doing nothing with

enneagram: 2w1

mbti: infp

various inspirations: eleanor crain ( the haunting of hill house ), dolores price *as a child and towards the end of the book ( she’s come undone ), fox 8 ( fox 8: a story ), “why try to change me now?” - fiona apple (cover), “be still” - the killers

BACKGROUND INFO:

triggers: verbal/mental/emotional abuse/gaslighting, very slight implication of spousal abuse, brief mention of car accident/death & drowning

( ivan and jo’s breakout pop-punk single: “fuck happy backstories!” stream it on spotify ! )

jo......... was born into the wrong family, let’s get that out of the way.

it was pretty clear she was a ploy to save the marriage of her parents ( who have names: lucy and benjamin, luv that for them ). it didn’t seem like they’d ever picked up a parenting book, gone to a parenting class, rly prepped for being a parent at all...... in their entire lives.

that being said, her mom was actually decent at parenting. her major flaw, though? ok, so you know how kids usually have that one bedtime story that they love and want it to be read to them over and over? well lucy complied ! but y’all wanna know what that book was ?

t.s. eliot’s “old possum’s book of practical cats” whfeiuldjkn

anyway ! when jo was seven, after many failed attempts and simple threats, her mom was finally divorcing benjamin for realz. due to his volatile nature, it was becoming very clear that she was the more fit parent and she almost got sole custody ( the only reason benjamin was motivated for it in the first place was the power so?? )! how exciting!

but the keyword is ‘almost’!

alexa, play ‘my heart will go on’ but the off-tune flute version

just as the proceedings were going through, jo’s mother was hit by a drunk driver on new year’s eve. the car skidded onto some ice, minimal damage done... then the ice broke.

jo and benjamin both devolved after that. jo withdrew more into herself and pretty much coped by..... just reading old possum’s a LOT (hate that for her). all mopey, benjamin became much less outwardly violent. the keyword is ‘outwardly.’

ya, instead of j bein like “i will just chill” he was like “i will just make my rage more subtle because in this house, we love intimidation, manipulation, hostility, the blame game, and gaslighting! uwu” managed to convince jo that her mother’s death was somehow her fault, that he was the only person she could trust, that she will never be able to live without someone else, etc., etc.

a few years in and a cycle of many impromptu sleepovers began. luv that for her. hate that for her, but luv that for her. 

there is a lot i cld talk abt here, but it all seems like it cld j be tl;dr’d as: “basically became the surrogate daughter of a bunch of other people”

as for things that r not tragique™, jo was v much a drifter when it came to friends. managed to make a fair amount bc she does not seem like she will put a tadpole in ur hand like ivan. also j a people-pleaser but that’s starting to get into her personality which is another section.

did go to college. luv that for her. has NO CLUE what she’s going to do with her degree, but she can make some really sick niche william faulkner jokes. 

began seasonally working at big bear during the winter break of her last year in college because bitch needed some money!! wound up loving it and was like “i think,,,, i will continue to do this,,,, the people here,,,, r cul,,,,”

still visits benjamin every once in a while. not a way to say that uwu you should forgive ur abusive parent(s) uwu rather that jo.... still has slight belief in him. just to end on something emo.

THE REST IS HISTORY!!!!

TL;DR:

started life out as a saddie, not a baddie. still not a baddie, but no longer as much of a saddie. loves “cats” and there is no irony to that statement. can make good niche literary jokes, but that’s about it.

PERSONALITY/MISCELLANEOUS INFO:

a child. a literal child. a child to the point that she should have supervision when she goes on grocery trips because she falls for marketing ploys so easily. can’t believe she hasn’t fallen into a pyramid scheme yet.

an absolute dumbass. again, can make some great niche william faulkner jokes, but ask her the order of the planets? “...well mars is somewhere in there.”

unironically LOVES cats - both the musical and movie. thinks jennifer hudson’s grizabella is the best. will start sharing random facts about it or old possum’s book of practical cats if she runs out of things to talk about but feels pressured to keep talking. was broken when she first read a different t.s. eliot poem and realized he was actually super dark. the only thing that got her through it was a comparison to batman :\ bruce wayne is old possum’s, batman is everything else.

to take a brief break from fun personality facts, v down on herself bc benjamin’s words rly!! stuck with her!! convinced she is an absolute idiot and does not trust her own memory. v indecisive bc of this and always longs for someone to help her figure things out. tries to distance herself from memories of her mother because, again, benjamin got to her. her love of cats doesn’t help that, but... can you believe that’s her coping mechanism? makes up for it by giving all of her love 2 everyone else!! we love tragedy!! and needing to go to therapy!!

secretly knows her love of cats is weird and dumb. a part of her knows why it’s considered one of the worst musicals ever. but LISTEN. we luv rly weird coping mechanisms!

big dreamer. will develop the most impractical goals. she usually knows they are impractical, but still..... uwu

has decided everyone is good until proven bad! except for,,,, like,,, murderers and rapists,,,,

is #StraightEdge for the most part,,,, literally has a drink maybe three times per year

says “like” a whole lot for someone who majored in english with a concentration in literature and should therefore be more eloquent.

i am not great at these sections!! feel free 2 j refer to her zodiac, personality tests, and character influences!!

literally fox 8. i put the others there bc she’s similar but wow,,,, if u read fox 8 (it’s a short story i recommend it i luv george saunders u can find a pdf online),,,, she is fox 8. 

here u go here is a sample that doesnt need context: "Fox 4 woslike: No ofense, Fox 8? Your ideas are not super praktikal. Dreem, dreem, dreem, said Fox 11. Fox 41 woslike: Fox 8, does this honestly never get old for you?"

OH ALSO. she has a slet. a cat,,,,, named asparagus,,,, whom she calls “gus”,,,,, and y’all know WHY.

recent development: has downloaded tor so she can get on the dark web. why? because she thinks there will be more funny animal videos on there. is shockingly good at navigating it.

CONNECTION IDEAS:

close friends bc we luv that –– roman (nuanced), aylie (nuanced), hazel (nuanced), cleo (nuanced), vic (nuanced), marco (nuanced)

childhood friends whom she possibly had impromptu sleepovers with bc that is v soft and,,,,, y’all i left the city blank for a reason. –– hazel, marco, 

on that note, the person who was like “wait,,,,,,, u know that book was turned into a musical right,,,,,, like,,,,, a musical literally everyone knows” and shook jo’s world

good influence / bad influence –– cleo, vic, 

~*confidant*~

roommate

exes –– ian,

reciprocated pining

unreciprocated pining

someone..... who has accepted..... that she likes cats.... in a way that is not ironic. will see the movie with her. –– aylie, 

an enemy,,,,,, aka this person was like “cats is literally the worst thing in the entire world” and now they r on jo’s very short hit list –– riley

idk!!! im also obvs up for brainstorming!!! luv that!!!

** descriptive connections page is here ( only people who i’m messaging are on it, but i ?? would love to plot w everyone ?? so don’t make the short list make u think i’m trying 2 limit it 2 these ppl auhfoeidla )

LIKE THIS OR HMU TO PLOT !

[bymoonchild]

22 questions tag game

tagged by: @hannahdearr, @minlucent and @taehyungforreal thank you for tagging me!! 💘

rules: answer the questions then tag 20 people

1 - name: cheryl

2 - nickname: che/meme queen/obsessed with jungkook’s thighs and cheeks and nose and eyes… with jungkook full stop

3 - star sign: leo

4 - gender: female

5 - sexuality: straight

6 - favourite colour: yellow, pink, mustard, white

7 - time right now: 2am 

8 - average hours of sleep: it rly is either 4 hours or a whole ass 12, there is no in between

9 - the last thing i googled: how to get a driving license...,,,,,

10 - number of blankets: 1

11 - favourite fictional character: can i cheat and say setter jungkook because hell to the fuck yeah

12 - what are you wearing right now: my pjs looking like a Shit 

13 - favourite book: murakami’s!!! 

14 - favourite musician: bts, baek yerin, bolbbalgan4!! cigarettes after sex, day6, oohyo, slchld

15 - dream job: writer/journalist/jungkook’s wifey

16 - number of followers: 🤪sis is a sm0l blog so 

17 - when did you create your account: june 9 2018!

18 - what do you post about: my crackheadery + filthy writing, bangtan being crackheads, memes, jungkook. jungkook’s thighs and cheeks and nose and eyes… jungkook full stop

19 - what made you get an account: i’ve been a silent reader with my personal tumblr for years??? while waiting for uni last year i decided that mayhaps i could go back to writing and i finally!! took the step and viola here i am 

20 - when did your blog reach its peak: i think after microwave misadventures?? but i still have a long way to go

21 - do you get asks on a daily basis: no ! but i would love to,,, 👉👈

22 - why did you choose your url: i rly wanted moonchild in my url but literally Everything was taken ;; so i thought i should just add a preposition in front of it for u know... aesthetics. i didn’t rly fancy bymoonchild at first but now it’s grown and i aint ever leaving it

i’m tagging: @taendrils @jiminspjm @guksdimple @gukyi @guktwt @fortunexkookie @sjtual @yoonsgiggle @yoonoclock @jinkooksremedy @dearlytea @fairyykoo @plumtry and anybody else who wants to do this!!! 

[sophocused]

uni recap 2019

I think it's really important for young studyblrs still in high school or junior high to be exposed to more detailed and honest uni experience anecdotes, so buckle up because it’s about to get real honest and a little personal in here.

I'm in the middle of the fall term of my second uni year, technically now in the 2nd year of my general B.Sc. and I need to start from the beginning a little bit, especially when it comes to my academic journey so far.

Let's start with junior high, when adults always want to ask what you want to be when you grow up. After going to a career symposium with friends, a field trip run by the school, that's when I heard about the College of Pharmacy at the "top" university of the province.

First thing that attracted me was that they make an annual $100k a year, and to my 14 year old impressionable mind that was convinced that my future had to revolve around making bank, I decided from there that I would work towards the end goal of becoming a pharmacist.

I was convinced that pharmacy was the ultimate goal to get my life going, as a real functioning adult of society.

Fortunately, I was wrong. It was a hard pill to swallow, but a necessary one nonetheless.

Since this is an academic recap, I won't bring up the mental health and physical health bits of the last eight years of my life, I'll fastforward to high school senior year, when I decided I would (as a minimal effort-get straight A's student) actually TRY in my studies again. It was because my work ethic had grown to a point that when I didn't try and still got a B or A, I was scared of the moment I would actually try and then not get an A or A+. I wanted to fight that fear of realizing that I'm not "effortlessly good at thngs" because I didnt want to have a fear of failure.

(Disclaimer: it's been three years since then and I'm still a work in progress when it comes to my relationship with failures but it is getting consistently healthier, despite bumps)

Thus, I started this studyblr three years ago, June 30th 2016 I believe?? My url was chemystery for the first few days but sophocused came up because of sophocles (not that hes my fave philosopher or anything) it just stuck ANYWAY IM GETTING DISTRACTED

So I actually tried in my last year of high school, worked hard and got A's in physics, pre-calculus, and AP chemistry. The AP chemistry came with a provincial exam, that in getting a score of 4, granted me a $150 reward, and the grade of a B in two university courses (2 chem prerequisites)

I was a fool and no one exactly explained to me that those 2 courses were even harder when taught through uni, because I really wasted nearly $1000 in taking those two courses again in my first year of uni, in hopes of turning them into A's.

I should probably mention that going into uni, the pharmacy program had 2 chem, 2 bio, 1 calc, 1 written course, and 2 electives, as prerequisites. My innocent mind, thinking it wouldn't be a big deal, registered for a full five and five course load, so that I could finish all my prerequisites within my first year of uni, and apply for the college of pharmacy by March. (Back then, it was still a Bachelor's program where selection process depended on your AGPA, and your mark on a written critical skills essay)

I learned the hard way that for university, it is a mentally and emotionally laborious task to try and juggle five classes, having to hold yourself accountable when it comes to attendance and figuring out what notes you want to take. There's no way to write physical hand-written notes for five courses (not for me anyway).

It was incredibly fast-paced as well, and I had many days where I just didn't want to get out of bed. I was so conflicted with my perfectionist mindset, and the pressure to get a 4.0 GPA that I spread myself so thin and honestly it was one of the most difficult years of my life. I still got out with 8 B's and 2 A's by the end of my first year. I was ashamed of those B's.

When it came to applying for pharmacy however, despite the grades I got, my GPA didn't make it to the minimum 3.50 needed to be applicable for pharmacy, but I got my transcript a month after I had already applied for pharmacy and I had even done the written exam.

I had to face my first big failure which was getting the email that they couldnt even look over or consider my application because my GPA did not reach the minimum required.

On top of that, I learned that I could not just simply try again the next year. This was because suddenly, the university decided they were going to change the Bachelors pharmacy program into a PharmD. A doctorate. To me, that meant they added eight more prerequisites (even more difficult uni courses with chem and human phys), and a required PCAT score. We also were not allowed to apply until Fall 2020. That meant, I now suddenly had no plan for my academic career for the next two years because I had really only ever thought about getting into pharmacy on the first try.

After a breakdown or two last year upon processing this, I had made the decision and talked to my parents about trying for it again, and doing the new prerequisites. This brought in the new mental turmoil of money on my mind during my summer after first year of uni, thousands of dollars this would cost, suddenly having no routine for four months after working at max brain capacity for 6 months.

My 2nd year of uni, fall 2018, a lot of growing had happened, a lot of processing of failure happened, just. a lot. happened.

October 2018, I got a job at a school, so I really juggled my school stuff with work. Five days a week, I would be up at 6-7am and then get home around 6:30pm, while doing human physiology, organic chemistry 1, an eastern religions elective, and an intro to statistics course.

long story short, yes I must spare you the details of the process of it all because it got pretty sad. That was my worst uni term, ending with 1 B, 1 C+, 1 C, and an F in organic chem.

My first F in university. My first F ever in my entire school life. It was a begrudging blow at my mental state, and I spent two to three weeks devastated. I dont know how I got out of it, I think one day I just said to myself, "Okay you got an F, but did you die?"

Honestly, the humour in that really cheered me up, among other things, and the emotional support I got from my older sister, and by the time I got into the 2nd half of my uni year (right now), I have discovered I potentially have a calling to become a teacher or to work in the lab as a technician.

Most importantly, most if not all of the credits I've earned, are also applicable to get into the Faculty of Education. Basically, I came to peace with having options, and digging deep into myself to really find the thing that I could really see myself doing based on my personality and interests, not just on the money and the rush of finishing school.

I just finished the longest midterm season of winter 2019, with my first midterm being early February and my last midterm + essay deadline on March 15th... I did well. I did well in trying to really take care of myself while trying to go to every class and trying to work hard as much as I could everyday. I think out of my many midterms, I got 1 A, 4 B's, and a C. These are all salvageable. I do still really want to keep working towards a 4.5 GPA but now I'm okay if that doesnt always turn out to be what I get.

Anyway I finally get to write something like this because I've been busy for the past month, a lot of things happened again in the midst of it all, but I'm still okay. I get a week to rest before my lab exam and then it's finals season.

This time, I'll try hard not to just let my life pass me by, with only ever school and academics in mind, I had gotten really sad these past few weeks, and I'm usually good at being my own antidote for that, but I really got to a point where I felt I had no strength to pick myself back up.

Last night I said "fuck it" and decided to go to my cousin's house who I hadn't seen in over a month to spend time with them instead of working on my 30% essay due midnight. Before I was so desperate to finish it, terrified of the 2% deduction per day it would be late, but after crying on the bus, I had had enough of letting my academics bring this much weight on my mental health. After spending four hours with my cousins and aunt, I came home to my mom, and I watched a two hour movie with her.

I didn't regret it one bit. I felt better than I had in a long, long while.

Now, this Friday, my grandma and other cousin are flying in, and I cant wait to just keep healing.

Thank you for reading, or scanning over, I hope you got something good out of this, as I am telling this story both for my sake, and for other students’ who might commonly find themselves in the same boat. I believe in you.

[nyanzaya]

@aquaaes inquired: -crashes into ur inbox for that url shit cause i need that validation-

Send Me A URL and I’ll Respond With My Opinions… Im a week late or something bro - Still accepting

Roleplaying/Writing

My favorite muse(s) of theirs and why: OH GOSH BRO. LISTEN. I don’t interact with like, a lot of your boys and I feel the bad but I really like Haru because uh, he’s your baby and you write him so well and I also like Makoto even though I like, forgot to reply to that starter... I ADORE IKUYA? HE’S ADORABLE? AND I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW HE ISN’T DONE WITH EVERYONE’S BS. SAME WITH THAT ONE GUY YOU HAVE AND THAT OLD MAN GUY WHO I SAID HIS VINE IS ’YOU CANT KILL ME IM A BAD BITCH” LIKE WHY ARE THEY SO FUNNY TO ME I DON’T UNDERSTAND IT. I love love LOVE your Izaya like, I cry at night and work when I think about him and then I think about IzaIza and don’t...don’t ask me if I’m okay. Because I’m not. I’m not okay. My favorite interaction/thread of theirs: Bro... the interactions between Yukine and that one Izaya? It’s so amusing. Then literally anything with the otp3 you have I just-- can’t recall their blog names atm but it’s with Haru and Rin and you use Ikuya. Can’t even LIE anything with the old man guy and that one guy who was like ‘if you kiss more than 6 times you’s not friend an’more’ LOL LIKE PLEASE. For us like, I gotta say the Iza/Izaya interactions idk they are like our oldest ship, I think they are like 4 or 5 years old which is, uhm, wild? It feels like....they hadn’t actually gotten to do much together but that’s because Izaya just “Bye bitch” a lot and other things. Even though I also really liked the stuff we had with Haru/Iza too, it as pure. My thoughts on their unique characterization/interpretation of their muse(s): I’ll start with Haru because, what the fuck. What the FUCK BRO. I never, ever in my entire life watched Free! Never have, not sure if I will but literally you make me love Haru and I don’t even know his whole like, story bro. How you do that? Like; wtf. You got me to love a character I thought I’d never really care about because the way you write him is so? fucking? impressive? BELIEVE ME. I always thought Haru was just a stoic guy that every anime needs because ‘oh we need a silent type’ but bro... You write him to be so much more. He is still quiet/silent hell yeah but, holy shit. You actually make it fucking interesting? LIKE? EXCUSE ME? Your use of body language and soft sounds is amazing! I honestly really appreciate it a lot, considering the fact my muses (mostly Iza) rely on reading body language quite a bit to understand another person. You just know how to write it so naturally and beautifully into a character like Haru who doesn’t use much words. Then fucking Izaya. Holy fuck. I absolutely ADORE your Izaya so much because it FEELS like it’s Izaya? Like, listen. He probably is very different from how he was years ago but he still has the soul and heart of a true bastard sad man who loves humanity. He’s so fun to write with and I always get so happy to write with him like; it’s a god damn privilege to me to get to write with him? Like I never thought I’d ever get to write with him because ya know, I was a personal blog before I actually started Rping and lmfao our meeting was so funny. You spam liked my blog because it was literally just full of drrr and quotes and I was like “This has to be a sign. they gotta like me because they followed me right have WHAT DOES THIS MAKE US?” And I did it back I think. LMFAO IT WAS SO DUMB BUT THAT’S HOW WE GOT TO TALKING. Listen kids, if you want someone’s attention literally spam like about 40 posts and follow them right after. It’ll definitely send the signal that you want to talk to them.  My thoughts on their writing style as a whole: UGH PLEASE YOU BLESS ME AND EVERYONE WHO READS It. YOU MIGHT NOT THINK ITS GOOD BUT IT IS OKAY? ITS GREAT! YOU LITERALLY HAVE A GREAT WAY WITH WORDS BRO Situation(s)/Plot(s) I’d love to see their muse(s) in: Bro... I don’t even know... but maybe an AU Transitior, like you remember that game right? LOL Maybe Haru as Red? And Rin as the sword? or the other way around?? :eyes:  Someone else I love seeing them interact with: oh god I can’t even decide because all of them make me just aaaaaa but prob anything with freestyleharu Anything else I want to say about their roleplaying: BRO. Your writing is inspirational, easy to follow and it’s fun to read. You are definitely doing something right and I’m just?? Proud of you :”> 

If We Know Each Other

What I Think Are Their Best Qualities: fun to chat with? Crazy fun ideas. Communicative once comfortable. A meme lord.  What I Think Are Their Strengths: In terms of personality, I can’t even tell you because we are so ride or die I don’t even know. I just love how we can talk about anything and it’s not weird or awkward. In terms of Rp; being able to work with pretty much any idea. Good at winging threads, especially if it’s a first interaction. Super friendly! Unless you are their close friend then they mean, but in that good way. A Memorable OOC Interaction Of Ours:

This sums up our entire relationship 

Why Others Should RP With Them: If you want someone who would be as excited about a thread as you are, Vati is your boy. He has so many muses too from various fandoms so there’s so many things that could happen! All you have to do is just, know which muse you want to interact with and then jump in and Vati will literally return the favors right quick How Others Should Approach Them: Despacito memes in the DMs. That’s it. Or liking all their posts and then following them like they done to me then I guess that works too LOL be friendly with him and he’ll return it so fast it’s like you guys was friends from a past life. Other Roleplayers I’d Recommend To Them: Bro.... I don’t even know okay. I think you already follow everyone I rp with so I can’t recommend anymore LMFAO Anything else I want to say about them: I love you bitch, I ain’t never gonna stop loving you. Bitch. 

If We Have/Plan To Interact Together

A plot I’d like to write with them: Fuck plot lmfao. There isn’t really a plot I have in mind? I mean... I guess something with Iza’s v; grand finale verse but he does die in that one. I wouldn’t even know which muse would even deal like Izaya could but *laughtrack.wav* or maybe a plot with Iza and Haru but legit, no idea what plot. My brain keeps going back to Izabel LOL and that plot you kept sending me with the whole airplane crash and not revealing if Ringabel was on it or not. A muse I want to introduce to them: I think you already know all my muses? At least my active ones, like Zuo and our cursed content son Iza. There’s Aiko and Asher(zuo’s mom and then the kid he adopted) but i think you know them already. There’s also...Kata(Iza’s mom) but she’s like no where to be found lol. Iza’s kittens(Axel, Akira, Leon) But I don’t think any of your muses would want to deal with his kits LOL. Then there’s Mira who’s Iza in a future life and Vui who’s Iza’s pet cat. Course there’s Iza’s two life masters but i don’t really know about them xD A ship/broship I’d like to propose to them: I think Haru and Iza are kind of already a broship that could turn into something shippy probably and I think with Zuo and Gou they kind of are bros. Tbh I think either of my boys could be good or okay friends with any of your muses? Even the request ones but i don’t even know LOL Ship wise, like I guess Makoto and Iza would be cute AF tbh A thread with them I’m excited about: Our IzaIza one as always LOL then, because I remember you wrote me a thing with Makoto I have to respond to that one because I honestly just forgot-- I think that one would be cute even if Iza is hurt in that one.  Anything else I want to say: I’m really like, thankful for you because without you I wouldn’t be here writing Iza and Zuo. You don’t even know how much it means to me that you helped encourage the creation of this horrible dumb cat. I might of dragged you back to tumblr, but like I genuinely you’re having fun. We might not write much together and I understand the whole thing with muses needing to recharge or get in the mood so I can wait forever and wait my turn because I’d always be happy after month to get something from you. It just means more to me that you’re having fun because you kind of deserve to have fun anyway.

[sn0wblinded]

questions 1-98 ( go big or go home ;) )

ya killin me hollis );

1. Unfortunately, I am 5′1, pros to anybody who wants a nugget for a gf or friend

2.  Body type? uh I suppose slim and slender with an hourglass shape

3. Favorite part of my body would have to be...erh...uh...my eyes? I love the shape of them just wish I had blue or green eyes :(

4. HAH my hair color now is NOT my natural hair color loll I have naturally crazy dark brown hair where it’s almost black but I love blonde in the summer so catch me in the fall for my dark roots ;D

5. Um I’d say it depends where I am and who I’m with as to whether I’ll be shy or outgoing, typically I’m shy until I feel comfortable enough to be myself, or unless someone gets enough drinks in me hahah

6. Uh I’d say I’m probs more on the femme side, like I luvvv getting dressed up and looking super pretty if I’m not sitting on my ass being lazy af. 

7. Super duper smol bean

8. Hands down I’d be a wine mom

9. Hmmph weird habit? Uh I’ll mouth whatever someone is saying as they are talking, even sometimes before they say the next word and I don’t even know I’m doing it. I catch myself doing this watching shows or movies and I hateeee it. “How do you know what I’m saying??” is the usual response *rolls eyes* 

10. OOOHHH my fav meme would have to be the one with the baby orangutang and her crazy hair bc she’s a hot mess and I’m a hot mess ._.

11. who doesn’t sing in the shower???? the acoustics man, i’ll give my SO a full-blown concert w/ an encore. will it sound good tho?? who knows

12. um I’d love to go full Merida and learn how to use a bow and arrow tbh

13. I was never a theatre kid :( I wanted to be in HS 

14. I’ve never seen a broadway musical but def something on my bucketlist

15. Musicals are kinda cheesy but that’s what I love about them

16. I’ve never been a part of a protest or march, but will def be in the future when given the chance

17. My fav Cards Against Humanity Card would probs be “What is Batman’s guilty pleasure?” love having a good giggle at the responses

18. The last movie I watched...that I can think of was Final Destination 2 and was reminded why I can be paranoid af about some stuff LOL

19. Uhh preferably not behind or infront of the camera, not photogenic and my hands aren’t steady enough to take decent photos BUT I’d love to do photography if I had any skill in it

20. If you know me, like come on, F.R.I.E.N.D.S. 

21. just listen to Snowblinded by Kill Hannah nuff said

22. Uhh I joined tumblr back in 2011 my freshman year of HS bc I wanted to release my teenage angst, and then I left after a few years and came back this year:) Luckily my OG url was still available

23. Um you know 

24. Most people love chocolate and I hate it loll Fight me pls ;P

25. Narcotics? Nope sowwe

26. HAH expose me much?? hahah Def not a virgin lemme say that ^-^

27. Um my neighbors little brother caught her and I kissing underneath her sheets when I was a super duper smol bean, technically wasn’t bad but we couldn’t do it anymore:/

28. Oof idk what the funniest lie is that I told... omg 

29. Hmm... expression through words...take a guess what that passion is 

30. My best friend is one the most supportive and loving people I’ve ever met and I love her to death

31. Um lemme keep my secrets ;)

32. I’m super tired but also feeling really motivated so it’s kinda conflicting but oh well das my life

33. My biggest fear is probably ending up alone (amongst a few others)

34. I Like Me Better by Lauv

35. The best decision I’ve made in life thus far was deciding that I’m going to start love being myself regardless of societal expectations and internalizing everything because of the fear of others judgements etc. This is my life and I plan on living it up the best way possible.

36. Um who hasn’t? Failure always leads you one step closer to success

37. I fantasize about finding someone whose soul fits perfectly w/ mine

38. I cried the other night but happy tears bc I no longer have to hide who I am

39. A meme I was sent in a group chat

40. Mm...maybe..my lips are sealed 

41. A few of my closest friends

42. Uh every single day at the end of my last relationship

43. I’ve started to realize who my true friends are, and people’s true intentions

44. Submissive AF, but a lil control here and there isn’t bad

45. I’ll only date you if you’re okay w/ eating lots of pasta and long jam sesh’s

46. Preferably someone my age or a little bit older, but if I click with someone a year or two younger than me then whatevs :)

47. um I’d describe my crush but it’d be a dead giveaway LOL

48. any kinks? oh sweetie.. I’m not as innocent as this halo may make me appear ;P

49. First thing I notice in someone, physically would be their eyes, personality-wise would be their sense of humor.

50. Best way to win my heart is to bond over music

51. Uhh wow like allll the time LOL

52. Once again, like alllll the fucking time *rolls eyes*

53. Oh I plead the fifth on this one 

54. Trust is a big thing for me, but I usually know right off the bat now if I can trust somebody or not

55. Um no bc anybody I like lives miles and miles away >_>

56. Confidence is hot, not cute, hot. Make me swoon. 

57. My heart would probs ache 

58. If you can’t make me laugh we won’t even be close to dating loll

59. Uh no and I’m sure they will never have a clue bc I’m shy af about my feelings 

60. ...too many storytimes there

61. Hopefully one day I marry the love of my life

62. Pleading the fifth bc I’m stuck between a couple 

63. Turn ons: Whisper in my ear, light touches, and cute messages (keeping things on the cleaner side (; )

64. Hate is a strong word, so Trump 

65. Babygirl melts my heart but so does sweetheart and princess

66. Charlies Angels hands down...

67. Oof... intimidating in a sexy and intriguing way? Hell yes, but I love a kind soul

68. Somebody who truly loves me for me and is always up for adventure, and has an impeccable taste in music.

69. I tend to like whoever I like :P

70. HAH good one

71. The first person I came out to was my sister, a few years ago, and it went alright I guess until we had a heated argument and yeah...but I came out to her again recently and it’s helped us grow closer together.

72. I have a quite a few friend who are and luvvv them all

73. um....ya

74. Oof...I honestly can’t remember

75. Maybe later, this is already wayyyy too long.

76. I used to but I’d say it takes a lot more for me to fall IN love

77. Yeah so let’s not talk about it :3

78. Good at hiding my feelings? Uhhhhhh

79. Forgiving? I’ll forgive but I never forget who has hurt me.

80. Uh...I have quite a few, want the whole list? LOL

81. Whichever one would comfort both of us in the moment

82. I like a girl that’s taller, even if it’s just by a little bit. Honestly it doesn’t take much with how smol I am :[

83. Um can I have both? Hugs and kisses pls k thx

84. Be twirled :3

85. Um both mmmff

86. I love forehead kisses, but if you wanna make me melt into a puddle neck kisses are the way to go.

87. I’d do either or, kinda hard for me to choose which one more.

88. Depends on my mood, love me some soft kisses but bet your ass I’m always down to makeout

89. If I’m feeling the need to be cute hug around the neck, if I’m being a lil more touchy then hugs around the waist

90. I used to contemplate my sexuality constantly because of growing up in a religious family and internalizing everything, but without a doubt I’m 100% confident in my sexuality. This is me, take it or leave it baby ;)

91. Uh I blush and get a massive load of butterflies, feeling like I’m on cloud nine etc. I’ve liked people and just felt comfortable and never had butterflies and such but FUCK do I love feeling giddy and happy all over from just the mere thought of them. 

92. Yes, typically that’s how it starts out with me and it ends in either of two ways, mutual or I embarass tf outta myself 

93. I had my first kiss with a girl when I was 7, and man did I never want to stop. But, I knew for certain that I really liked girls when I was in sixth grade and wanted to watch any and everything that contained wlw content, hoping and wishing to have that one day.

94. Be myself? LOL

95. Ohmygosh... favorite lesbian ship... Laura/Carmilla, Alice/Robin (OUAT), Yorkie/Kelly (San Junipero)...these are only a few of a long list

96. The most aggravating thing that’s personally been said to me about my sexuality would be between being told this is all temptation and comparing it to acts of disgusting scum of human beings(pedos and adulterers), and also being told it’s only a phase... I can’t roll my eyes hard enough

97. Um like probably a few minutes ago :3

98. Love is being completely comfortable in being who you are around someone, and loving the good and bad parts of each other. 

If anyone actually reads up until this point I just gotta say...I’m sorry LOL 

and you’re a trooper

[filmexit]

esc 2019 pre-show top 10

i might do a full top soon, maybe after the show, but for now i’m sticking to the top 10 because a.) i’m lazy b.) i wasn’t involved as much during the pre-party and the nf season, so a lot of the songs this year hadn’t had the time to connect with and grow on me yet, so i don’t think it would be fair to rank all the songs. naturally this will be subject to change except for my immortal top 3. nonetheless, these are the songs that stood out for me, y’all can drag me if you want

1. Australia | Kate Miller Heidke - Zero Gravity

i’m a zero gravity clown and what about it?? talented brilliant incredible amazing showstopping.... i didn’t expect to love this song so much but here it is. i don’t wanna be cheesy on main but like, yes this song is out-there and maybe ott but underneath the theatrics i can feel that this straight out came from the heart, and you can hear it when she does it live and she pours 150% to this song. also its core message of overcoming your demons is something i really resonate with. i could go on and on about how much i love this song but i’m tired and lazy just know i love kate miller heidke so fucking much and i’m ready for my wig to be forcibly taken to sydney. i’m bopping to it as i’m typing this

2. Netherlands | Duncan Laurence - Arcade

i feel like such a phony for having this url when he ain’t my winner but i still love duncan so??? arcade was my favorite when it came out and maybe it has been dethroned from my top spot but it doesn’t change how much this song slaps. lyrically it’s the best of this year and i would not be opposed for a dutch win because he deserves it also i want duncan to redacted me uhh what so yeah!!

3. Greece | Katerine Duska - Better Love

rounding out my holy trinity is this banger. fact: french canadians always serve so hard at eurovision and miss duska is no exception. her voice is so unique and i love the romantic quality and aesthetic this song brings......and yeah nothing else to say, it’s just on a league of its own... a masterpiece

4. Belgium | Eliot - Wake Up

overall i like this song, especially the chorus! his voice is good, the ambience of this song is very dreamy but intense at the same time  

5. Armenia | Srbuk - Walking Out

the power this has.... it’s fierce, it’s strong, it’s all-consuming. armenia is going hard this year and you know what?? i’m all here for it

6. Italy | Mahmood - Soldi

ok at first i didn’t have any feelings for it but one day i decided to listen to it and read the lyrics and it just grew on me then and there... it’s definitely not the type of song i listen to but it’s very real and personal, not to mention it’s a huge banger too

7. Albania | Jonida Maliqi - Ktheju tokës

i loved this from the moment it won fik. it’s atmospherical, ethnic, has great vocals and a message, and also slightly edgy. it’s very albanian, and i appreciate how they sent a song that just represents their country’s essence

8. Ireland | Sarah McTernan - 22

oh god i hope this song pulls a ryan o’shaughnessy or a eugent bushpepa and just murders the fuck out of the odds. it’s simple but nonetheless it’s cute and catchy, i dig the nostalgic retro tone they’ve got going on.

9. Serbia | Nevena Božović - Kruna

a dramatic balkan ballad with strong vocals? uh we stan, from the rehearsal clips the staging looks incredible and i hope she gets a good place in the final.

10. Spain | Miki - La venda

it’s fun, upbeat, catchy... about time spain sends something like this, it will definitely stand out thanks to miki’s charisma. looking forward to see spain at the left side of the scoreboard for once 

bonuses:

11. Romania | Ester Peony - On A Sunday

because she deserves to be recognized!! this one has a Dark Vibe™, a bit avant-garde and a good melody. altogether a solid entry

12. Poland | Tulia - Fire of Love (Pali Się)

i have no idea where this exactly falls into my ranking tbh, but i had to say something about this song, i fuck heavy with folk rock overall and well i hope this pulls through

[amberandmetal]

So I relly just need to vent and I can't think of a better place than here. I know I have been awol for some time and the reason for that is.. because I started doing better. Fandom is my safety net, that warm dark room full of soft pillows that I can go to when everything else hurts. And 2016-2017 and almost half of 2018 I had need of that room but then something happened and I started to get better. I have no clue how but I did. And everything was almost good for a while but then- then my grandfather died nearly 2 weeks after my birthday, a man I saw as a father (a lot in thanks to my biological father being an abusive alcoholic asshole) and whom I loved an respected deeply. Around the same time I found out my father has cancer, have had for a year and not told me. A month later my other grandfather died. Just in time for x-mas and yule. I also suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder and wintertime, especially Jan-feb are always terrible months for me. Especially because my Grandmother died during that time and she was more dear to me than anyone before or after. She was the only one who always loved me through everything and never doubted me, who believed there was nothing wrong with me (even when I started slicing and dicing my own limbs and started wearing negligés as dresses- yeah, it was a weird time in my life) who said I was just different.

So now they are all gone, all my grandparents, and those of you who have gone through that know that it comes with a certain loss of innocence. Suddenly you're nobody's little one anymore and adulthood kinda hits you in the face with a shovel.

Last autumn, ca one year ago, I finally got the correct diagnosis after had to dealt with psychologists and doctors for seventeen years. I have autism. Which yeah, it totally explains everything pretty well. At first I was relieved because finally I knew what was going on with me and why I felt like an alien who could not connect with another human being, and it sort of gave me this free pass on being as weird as i felt like because suddenly I had permission, suddenly it was okay.

In hindsight I think it's fairly obvious I overcompensated quite a lot. I remember being furious with other "aspies" who talked about it like it was a curse and decided to not have kids because they didn't want to pass on the gene. I said things like "well if somebody gave me the choice: aspie or NT, I would choose autism every day of the week" ...What complete bullshit.

See that's the third..fourth?.. thing that has broken lately. The autism bubble. It's been wearing on me and suddenly I can't really manage the weight anymore. I don't like it; I am not grateful for it; I would not choose it had I a choice.

What happened is that I have started to realise that this is permanent. And that.. yeah. Imagine that you get sick when youre eleven. You can't explain it but you're sad most of the time and even though you've had bad untreated anxiety since you were four it's not the same. You're worried and anxious, sad and you start to see things in the corner of your eye. This is the starting point of a decade of doctor visits, psychologists, selfharm, psychosis, medications (I was up to 30 pills a day at one point), ambulance trips to the emergency room, blacking out for hours, having to move to a home for girls because your parents can't handle you anymore etc. Now imagine that through all this you never stop fighting, you cry and you scream and you fucking ache but you carry on because you refuse to be beaten by this, because if you just push a little bit more you will be okay; you can be cured, you can beat this. Only to find out seventeen years later that you won't, will never be free from this, from how your own mind turns on you and drags you down into insanity on a regular basis. That is a pretty hard thing to come to terms with. Not to mention having to accept the fact that you will have to explain yourself your entire life (becayse most people with asperger are NT passing), seeing the dissapointment in people's faces when you don't measure up and aren't able to perform as well in society as your NT peers. The constant shame and guilt in having to ask for special treatment.

Not all people with autism are the same, some, like my boyfriend, have the "luxury" of silent minds- this not to say that they don't have problems, life is pretty fucking difficult for them too but for other reasons. My mind however screams. Constantly. It keeps me from being able to fall asleep. I got sleep medication the first time when I was 6 months. And I am so so tired. My mind feels like an enormous room with that churchy acoustic and it is crammed with people who all try to talk at the same time and raise their voices to be heard over the others and it all just turns into a cacophonous mess of chaos. Sometimes I straight out scream because my mind races away with me and gets too loud too fast and I can't take it anymore.

So trying to come to terms with that that particular phenomenon is permanent, chronic? Yeah I am not doing well with that. I can't see how I can live my life with a brain like this and ever be happy. I am going to try, and I am going to fight tooth and nail to get there, even if it's not even a possibility. I can't give up; if I do I am done.

Lately I don't recognize myself and I am just tethering on the edge. You know that Bruce Banner quote "I'm raw, like an exposed nerve" yeah, that. All day, every day. The panic attacks have returned and I haven't had a problem with that in years. I feel skinless and it is a terrifying feeling.

The thing I wanted to say was.. is.. that this is basically me coming back to the soft dark room with lots of pillows. Because fandom is where I can distract myself and tumble into fanfiction and art, using that autistic hyperfocus on something beside myself for a little while; and even though the reason behind me being back is less than positive I have still missed it. I didn't have a lot of people to talk to here before I left, I didn't have a lot of people who wanted to read my fanfiction either, but I hope some of you remember me even though I changed my url from Waywardkitten (I just needed a change).

I just needed to vent, I just needed to open up and see what would pour out and this is a safe place for me and I hope you don't mind. I will try to tag this with apropriate trigger warnings but if I missed anything please let me know and I will rectify that immediately.

I've missed you guys, lots of love. xo.

[ludacryst]

Survey Says..

1: How tall or short do you wish you were? I'm 5'3, but I sometimes wish I was shorter because of how cute it can be in a relationship. I've watched too much anime, okay?

2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not) Well, @warpedbelief didn't help me figuring this out because his dragon idea was really cool. However... I'll just stick with cats. I love cats. (I also love dragons..)

3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? Comfortable. Lol. I mostly wear PJs.

4: What was your favorite video game growing up? Final Fantasy series in general. 7 & 9 Specifically. My heart was always with Zelda ALTTP though.

5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: Erwin, Wiggles, PoF (Power of Friendship, so my friends/family.)

6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say? Caution : Speaks her mind far too often. No filter. Bossy af. Does not cave easily.

7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]? I don't know.

8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic] Melancholic.

9: Are you ticklish? .....No...?....(Yes)

10: Are you allergic to anything? Lots of stuff. There's a list uploaded somewhere.

11: What’s your sexuality? Heteronormative Bisexual. I used to call it straight with a twist until I figured out there was an actual term for it. Basically, I'm emotionally attracted to men and commonly see myself in a relationship with men. (My Husband, HI.) However, I have similar attractions physically to women, but have never seen myself in a relationship with one other than physically.

12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa? Cocoa or Tea, but I'll drink any of em.

13: Are you a cat or dog person? Cat. 1000% They're chill just like me... once they're older.

14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson? Elf, probably. I love nature, I hate being allergic to it though.

15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber? Nah, I just skim youtube from time to time, no favorite.

16: How tall are you? 5'3.

17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? I'd probably keep it in the realm it's already in. So, I'm Crystal. I go by Crys (Chris) so probably Christina.. or anything that could shorten it to Chris of sorts. It's just me.

18: How much do you weigh? 175-190, depends on if I've ate fast food recently or not. More averaged at 186, but it's jumped a lot the past few months. Goal weight is 125.

19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits? Sure. I don't disbelieve. Had a thing when i was a kid a few times that make me think something exists.. whether or not we know what it is.

20: Do you like space or the ocean more? Space. Stars. I love water don't get me wrong, but I'm more curious about what we can't physically reach.

21: Are you religious? Nah.

22: Pet peeves? Liars, people who try to grind my gears, people saying "I'm going to do it just to spite you." I'm tired of toxicity of people.

23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]? Diurnal. I'm defaulted to Nocturnal, so just eat some edibles and we're in bed by 10pm! :)

24: Favorite constellation? Leo ;)

25: Favorite star? Sirius, it shines the brightest.

26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls? I don't like dolls. They're creepy.

27: Any phobias or fears? Irrational : Dolls, Being around people. Rational : Heights, Closed Spaces t-t

28: Do you think global warming is real? Fucking. Is this seriously a question? Of course it's real.

29: Do you believe in reincarnation? I actually like to. It gives me hope there's something after death.

30: Favorite movie? I'm not sure I have a favorite movie...

31: Do you get scared easily? Nah, but I love a good jump scare.

32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime? Christina - My first doggie, passed away when I was in 4th grade. She was a mini collie~ Alexi - My green/yellow parakeet. Passed away at roughly 2-3 years old. Jiggy - My gray/white beautiful DHS big boi kitty. (2006-2016) Momma - My loving calico who picked me over everyone. ;o;  (2006-2018) Wiggles - Adopted from my family, he's a tyrant! He loves his dad more than me tho... [rude] (2016-???)

33: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.] You CC please.

34: What is a color that calms you? Blue. Blue is always relaxing, especially softer/darker blues.

35: Where would you like to travel and/or live? Travel wise, I want to visit a lot of places. Germany, UK, Canada... more specifically Niagara Falls.. Live wise, if I could, I'd live in Canada. However... I just want to live in the midwest, or east, somewhere more affordable in the US.

36: Where were you born? Ohio!

37: What is your eye color? Blue-gray.

38: Introvert or extrovert? 1000% introverted.

39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? I think they're amusing as fuck. I don't believe/follow them 100%. I do like to imagine what it would be like if they were right though. I follow zodiac stuff way more than horoscope.

40: Hugs or kisses? xoxoxo - Preferably hugs, they're for everyone! *HUGS*

41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now? Scotty! ( @warpedbelief )

42: Who is someone you love deeply? @hyphenhero - My husbando.

43: Any piercings you want? I really dunno any more. The only one I've been considering lately is Daith.

44: Do you like tattoos and piercings? I don't dislike tattoos and piercings.

45: Do you smoke or have you ever done so? Cigarettes are disgusting. Be more descriptive of your "smoking." I have marijuana vapes I enjoy.

46: Talk about your crush, if you have one! Well, I married him.

47: What is a sound you really hate? Anything pitchy. My ears have been killing me the past year or so.

48: A sound you really love? Meow.

49: Can you do a backflip? HAHAHA No.

50: Can you do the splits? Almost did them on accident the other day. It really hurt. (No)

51: Favorite actor and/or actress? Do voice actors count? Because then I'm between two. Johnny Yong Bosch and Matt Mercer.

52: Favorite movie? Wasn't this asked already? I don't have one.

53: How are you feeling right now? Tired.

54: What color would you like your hair to be right now? I really want to bleach it blonde again.

55: When did you feel happiest? Maybe when we first moved into our second apartment? The rent was cheaper, it was nice. I miss freedom. Though, I also miss having a full guild of friends and getting along and having fun together.. Man I'm getting old.

56: Something that calms you down? Marijuana primarily. Hugs. Kittens.

57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] Anxiety, Depression, Memory issues xD Honestly you should just ask if there's stuff NOT wrong with me.

58: What does your URL mean? It's a nickname a friend gave me 11 years ago. Holy crap. It's been 11 years.

59: What three words describe you the most? Sassy, Bratty, Mom-ish.

60: Do you believe in evolution? Yes.

61: What makes you unfollow a blog? Too much spam/boring content. Stuff I'm not interested in. Sometimes inactivity for years.

62: What makes you follow a blog? Stuff I'm interested in typically.

63: Favorite kind of person: People I can just talk to about anything. I like to talk. I don't like to be pestered and felt bad about not responding right away. I enjoy helping people. So I'm mostly a listener. I like to talk about stuff we're mutually interested in. Sometimes I love people I can debate with but not hate after (reasonable debates.) I guess I'm going to be that guy and copy what my friend said.. "Engaging, but not too much that I’m constantly tired. I like doing nothing, but doing nothing with the right person."

64: Favorite animal(s): Cats. All the cats.

65: Name three of your favorite blogs. I don't really actively follow any specific blog in particular! :x

66: Favorite emoticon: :smirk: (use it on discord... though if you played maplestory, it's an F3 equivalent... )

67: Favorite meme: You said that tho?

68: What is your MBTI personality type? INFJ-T

69: What is your star sign? Leo

70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog? No dog, but you'd be damn right to guess I'd train them.

71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most? Any of the fluffy pjs with a thin tank top.

72: Post a selfie or two? https://ludacryst.tumblr.com/tagged/me https://ludacryst.tumblr.com/tagged/wedding

73: Do you have platform shoes? Nah. I don't have heels either.

74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself? My memory is absolutely shit in most situations.  However, in certain and RANDOM AF situations it can be clear as day. If I want to learn/remember something? Forget about it. If I could not care less about something? You'll be damn straight I'll remember it.

75: Can you do a front flip? Lol, no.

76: Do you like birds? Yeah, cept the annoying high pitched ones T_T

77: Do you like to swim? I used to love to. I can't really be in the sun for long any more though.

78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you? Never been Ice Skating! Always wanted to try. I'd probably equally enjoy both.

79: Something you wish didn’t exist: Mosquitoes, Cancer, Violence. On the violence part... It's mostly guns. If we had swordsman style fights - It'd be more interesting.

80: Some thing you wish did exist: Cures to incurables. Cancer, Epilepsy, Autism, etc. (I'm an epilepsy survivor.)

81: Piercings you have? Had an eyebrow piercing, lost it the same month I got it to pink eye.

82: Something you really enjoy doing: Watching television. I miss reading. I have a hard time focusing on reading now.

83: Favorite person to talk to: I have 3! Erwin (@hyphenhero) - My husband~ and my friends Scott (@warpedbelief)  and Brandon.

84: What was your first impression of Tumblr? What the fuck is this and why do people use it? inb4 I replaced wordpress with it.

85: How many followers do you have? I don't really check. My Tumblr is mostly for me... and I just restarted fresh these past few months.

86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? Maybe if I tried. Used to be able to run one in 6.

87: Do your socks always match? Yeah.

88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely? HA, Never could.

89: What are your birthstones? Peridot, Sardonyx, Spinel

90: If you were an animal, which one would you be? Cat? Yes. Spoil me.

91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be? Tulips.

92: A store you hate? Umm.... I don't know if I avoid any stores in particular....

93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day? 1-2. My stomach gets pretty upset.

94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? Fly. Definitely. I get lost in my own mind enough.

95: Do you like to wear camo? Situationally.

96: Winter or summer? Winter 100%. Hate the heat. Love the snow.

97: How long can you hold your breath for? I don't know. Like 30 seconds maybe?

98: Least favorite person? They who will not be named. It gives them too much attention.

99: Someone you look up to: I used to look up to my mom a lot. Now I'm more-so my own person, I just do what I can to do right by me and my hubby.

100: A store you love? Uhm.. Any cheap store... I don't really have a favorite. I guess amazon for saving me gas?

101: Favorite type of shoes Skechers.

102: Where do you live? California.

103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why? Nah. I love ham too much.

104: What is your favorite mineral or gem? Cubic Zirconia actually. It's so undervalued but so pretty.

105: Do you drink milk? Used to. Not really much any more.

106: Do you like bugs? Sometimes. But not in the house.

107: Do you like spiders? Sure, they get rid of the bad bugs.

108: Something you get paranoid about? Being followed. Bugs crawling on me.

109: Can you draw: Used to be able to. Not any more.

110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked? I don't know, I usually tell people anything they ask lol.

111: A question you hate being asked? Any question I had previously already answered, and they just weren't paying attention. Anything related to me/my own working/schooling.

112: Ever been bitten by a spider? Not that I can remember.

113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach? Yeah, it's really relaxing.

114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days? Cloudy, 100%

115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: I would like to cuddle Momma right now.. Why you gotta go and make a girl sad for survey thing? (My calico that passed away last year..)

116: Favorite cloud type: Cumulus, Cumulonimbus, and Nimbostratus. Yes I googled them for their names.

117: What color do you wish the sky was? I honestly love the colors the sky is/can be, especially at sunrise and sunset.

118: Do you have freckles? Yes, but you can only see them when I have a tan. So to anyone who hasn't seen me since I was 10, you'd never know I had them.

119: Favorite thing about a person: How they treat people. If they're kind to animals. Eyes. Definitely eyes.

120: Fruits or vegetables? Fruits @_@

121: Something you want to do right now: Play Zelda - BoTW on Hard - but... I'm lazy.

122: Is the ocean or sky prettier? Ocean. But they look best together.

123: Sweet or sour foods? Candies or actual food? Food, sweet. Candies, sour.

124: Bright or dim lights? Dim as you can go without causing me to have seizures over tiny little things.

125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature? I wish. Dragons would rock my world.

126: Something you hate about Tumblr: Yahoo owning it.

127: Something you love about Tumblr: The freedom it USED to have.

128: What do you think about the least? I dunno, I think about it the least... so it won't naturally come to me.

129: What would you want written on your tombstone? Carpe Diem ....heheheh.

130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now? Why would I name them? Again with the attention thing.

131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself? My Epilepsy. It's shown me who really gives a fuck about me, but also it's taken a lot from me.

132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures? No, I hate my teeth.

133: Computer or TV? Computer, it offers more.

134: Do you like roller coasters? Never been on one, definitely want to try.

135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness? Sometimes motion sickness, never got seasick tho.

136: Are your ears lobed or attached? Attatched.

137: Do you believe in karma? I like to believe in Karma, but I really feel like people don't get their just desserts :(

138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are? -5

139: What nicknames do you have/have had? Crys, Crysti, Cryssi, Crysii, Ludacryst, Toxie, Punky, there's probably more but effort.

140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends? I am unsure.

141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink? Yes. More than one therapist.

142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others? Yes.

143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help? Giving.

144: What makes you angry? Lots of little things. Dumb things. Mostly the way medical/doctors are here... Our president... a lot of things really.

145: How many languages do you speak fluently? I can barely manage English, you want me to learn more?!

146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries? I kinda answered this earlier.

147: Are you androgynous? No.

148: Favorite physical thing about yourself: My eye color.

149: Favorite thing about your personality: I'm more willing to let people go if they make my life worse. I used to be terrible at that.

150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. My Mom, Scooter, Matt Mercer.. (shh)

151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? ANY ERA WITH KNIGHTS AND KINGDOMS AND WEEEEEEE............ (I like a lot of oldie based shows.)

152: Do you like BuzzFeed? Eh.

153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.] MapleStory. Not even remotely kidding.

154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? Yes. I'm a very touchy person if I trust the person. I prefer hugs on most though. Forehead is pretty sentimental to me.

155: Do you like to play with others’ hair? Sometimes, yeah.

156: What embarrasses you? My teeth, my weight, a lot of things.

157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious: People. Crowds. Planes. Heights. New Doctors.

158: Biggest lie you have ever told: If it's the biggest lie I've ever told, do you think I'm going to out myself on social media?

159: How many people are you following? Fuck if I know... I'm too lazy to check.

160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)? See #159

161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)? See #159

162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)? See #159

163: Last time you cried and why: It's been over a lot of things. My health, my families health, my cat, hurting myself, etc.

164: Do you have long or short hair? Medium?

165: Longest your hair has ever been: Just below my shoulders.

166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religion? Neutral mostly, because you can't prove or disprove a god exists. Just because you haven't seen something does that mean it's not there? Also, just because you believe in something, does it mean that it exists really? I'm agnostic. Though Wicca seems like a more reasonable religion in most aspects (I've dabbled in research, I hope that doesn't offend anyone.)

167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created? Not really. I just care if it's gonna blow up before I die.

168: Do you like to wear makeup? Like? Not usually, it just helps me feel a little better sometimes.

169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds? Nope.

170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully? As much as I could.

[ethereal-tempest]

All the Stars (BP College AU) Pt. 4

A/N: And from the shadows i crawled out and posted this long awaited continuation of ATS , which could quite possibly be trash but I do hope you like it! DM or inbox me if you would like to be tagged in the parts to follow. Also I will have some news about my life in general and the posting of future fics coming towards the end of the month so be on the look out for that! and as always sorry for any mistakes!

WC: Like 1,500+

T’challa x reader

Warning: language. but you already knew that.

Prompt: Love is complicated and confusing, it can be the most blissful feeling in the world. Or it can the reason your heart crumbles and shatters. Which will it be for you?

“...do the feeling haunt you?”

You and Ayo spent the rest of the day binge watching you favorite TV show greys anatomy for the 100th since you wouldn't have much free time once school started up. Eventually she went back to her apartment and you were once again by yourself but you pushed the sadness and loneliness away taking the time to think of ways you’d be able to start fresh and focus on school. No boy drama, none of that lovey dovey clouding your reasoning or work ethic. You may have a fling or two on the side but they were strictly that and nothing more, it would be you and your degree this time.

You woke up around 6:30am and began getting ready for your first day, deciding to dress up a bit or at least look like an actual human since the rest of the year you would look like a total zombie. Not to mention your plans for after class.

By the time you finished getting dress and doing your make up it was already 7:30 and time for you to start heading to class, it was only a 10 minute walk from your dorm but to be on the safe side it would probably be best to leave now.

And of course, your stroll to class was nothing short of hellish.

 Apparently everyone had the genius idea to try and get to class early and bombarded the sidewalks with large crowds making it hard for you to maneuver through. 

Thankfully the crowed thinned our as your rounded the corner entering the building for your 8 class at 7:50, you sat down in your seat 5 minutes before class was supposed to start and released a sigh of relief. You took out your notebook and laptop and doodle on your paper for a bit before class started. You glanced up as the clock hit 8 find it odd that you had not seen your professor or any familiar faces yet but realized some students were still filing in.

 “Is this seat taken?” “No I--” The familiarity of the voice made you still but it was when you looked into his face that you were truly froze, “Uh-Um n-no it’s not.” You said to T’challa as he sat down, hell you figured you’d have to talk to the man eventually seeing as that he appeared to be popping up everywhere you went but having a class with the him was more than you expected. 

“You look good, great actually.” you let out a nervous laugh, subconsciously thanking yourself for deciding to look nice for once and mumbled out, “Thank you.” He nodded his head as he took out his notebook, just as he was about to say something else your professor walked in at 8:15, “Good morning class, excuse my tardiness seeing as though i’m not a morning person you can expect me to be a few minutes late, attendance is required here and i don’t allow tardiness often so as long as you’re here before me we should have a problem. Now everyone grab a syllabus and lets begin.”

Your professor, Dr. Ginny Lawson had to be the sweeties woman you’d ever had the pleasure of learning from she taught literature but her class was always less of a class and more of an experience, you sat in a few times during your junior year and knew you had to learn from her. “Alright everyone, now for your first assignment you will be doing a research paper on the difference is the romanization of old literature to that of now literature. 12 page minimum.” the whole class groaned and seem to sank as she spoke but all perched back up with hopeful ears as she said, “Since this is the first assignment of the year i will be merciful, you’ll all have a partner. Turn to the other person at your table and say hello, you two will be spending lots of time together.” Your eyes widened as you looked at your professor, the tables were set up with two people seated at each and of fucking course T’Challa was at yours, why couldn’t you have just been the bitter and ruthless ex and tell him he couldn’t sit? “Take a few minutes and get to know each other, exchange information so you can later meet up and decide a plan to conquer  this assignment. I want papers on my desk by next Wednesday. Whenever you’re finish your free to leave.”

This was it, you managed to avoid much talk with the man all class but now you had to talk with him. “So—“ “I’ll ask her if she can switch partners.” He said before you could get a full sentence out, you just stared at the man uncertain of what to say, 

“I know this is awkward enough by us just being in the same class.” he said as he stood and moved towards your professor, you were too shocked to say anything as he walked away, had you treated the man that badly? Not like he didn’t cheat on you. Thought your inner voice but something in you still held out hope that he didn’t and it was that part of you that caused you to call out his name. 

A name that dropped so easily from your lips and sounded like music to his ears, a name you honestly thought would never having meaning to your life again but felt so right as you said it. “I-Its fine T’challa. It’s not that big of a deal right?” you noticed the bit of strife the man held in his eyes about the situation knowing it still ate at you, but you dismissed it all as you lightly touched his forearm before pulling back and give him small smile. “You still have my number? Send me a text later today with your schedule and i’ll do the same.”

The rest of the day was spent going to different classes and listening to your teachers speed through their syllabus, thankfully you managed to continue to be a hard working student in the past three years which would allow you to have a fairly manageable last year. 

You finished you last class around 3 and checked your phone seeing a text from Shuri. Still on for coffee? you had almost forgot as your replied back, Of course, is now good? a reply came through instantly Sure is. you chuckled and typed it a reply, Meet me ‘Heart-shaped Cafe’ after getting her confirmation text you head to the cafe yourself.

“Shuri over here.” you said as you waved her down to the table you sat at, “This cafe is amazing.” said Shuri as she looked around still gazing at the small yet beautiful building. “I know they changed it a bit since the last time i was here, it used to be my favorite spot on campus.” “why’d you stop coming?” She asked with a curious look in her eyes, “Me and your brother used to come here together, It was the first place we went on an actually date when we got here.” 

You smiled thinking back on the memory, while a sigh left your lips, you looked up at shuri who held a sad smile on her face as well, “Sorry for the bad memories.” you shook you head as the waiter began walking towards you to take your order, “They are far from bad, matter of fact I wouldn’t change them for anything.”

Your orders were brought out quickly and your and Shuri laughed and caught up on each other’s lives over the past 3 years.

“So about this man that had the audacity to cheat on a queen such as yourself, what’s his name?” you thought for a moment, Shuri must’ve had no idea that her brother had been the one to do it first but that was further in the past than you wanted to go with her, “Erik Killmonger, one of the hottest men on campus and now one of the dochuest.” 

Shuri squinted her eyes as she placed her hand in her chin, “That name sounds so familiar.” “He is the captain of the basketball team, plus if you do go here you’ll hear just about every other woman talking about wanting to bone him.” “I think he’s trying to become the new chapter leader of the beta rho beta.” “How’d you know that?” 

Jesus the girl was more in on what was going on in your college but it’s not like you’d been going there for three years. “T’challa was telling me some prick was trying to challenge him for it.” a small smile raised to your face, “So he finally beat M’baku? That’s good, i know it was important for him to follow in your father footsteps from when he went here.” Shuri gasped as she said, “You remember that?” you scoff as you finish your coffee and say, “Of course! It was one of the things on his list of ‘must do’s’.” 

You chuckled before continue on and saying, “He even said once that he’d stay in college an extra year so long as it meant he became the head of the frat one day.” You stayed in your reminiscent state for a bit longer before coming back to reality and noticing Shuris watchful eyes. “You know he misses you.” 

You shake your head in disbelief and sigh, “I doubt it, i mean he’s the king of the campus, he can have any woman he wants. He didn’t want me then so why would he want me now?”

Poor, Poor Y/N has no clue, more went down that dreadful day three years ago. I wonder when it will all come to the light? Once again thank you all so much for reading and shoot me a DM if you would like to be tagged!

TAGS: @marvelhaven @artistic22dragon @fandamad @vanessa-monique @nostalgic-uncertainty @potatopoop09 @akimi-youngblood @elaindeereadslexeeehhh @sprinkleofpoop @wakandab @aieyr @sadpimpcess @who-wants-toknow @angeli-fucking-cat @destinio1 @yourwonderbelle @a1iahwitchybabe805 @mysweetestkiss @fallenangelfangirl@watch-out-for-thorns @wakanda-sometimesitssammyjay @rishlo @greenswishbish (if your URL is bolded it wouldn't let me tag you for some reason :(. )

[homosociallyyours]

Rules: answer 30 questions and tag 30 blogs you would like to get to know better

Tagged by: @holmezyan -- thanks, you freeman-loving wonder! sorry it took me so long to get to this!!

Nickname(s): Bean, Meggles, Dottie, Beene, Milton

Gender: Genderqueer femme

Zodiac: Taurus sun & moon, Gemini rising

Height: 5′5″ (roughly)

Coffee, tea or hot chocolate: Lately I’ve been drinking Yorkshire Gold or Irish Breakfast instead of coffee (trying to have a little less caffeine), but I know I’ll return to coffee again sometime. I started drinking it when I was maybe 6 or so. Nice one, parents. 

Fav band(s): The Indigo Girls, One Direction, Bikini Kill, Magnetic Fields, Le Tigre, The Butchies, Team Dresch (why are all but 2 of my bands not together and making music? what have i done to deserve this fate?)

Fav solo artist(s): Niall Horan, Harry Styles, Louis Tomlinson, Kaia Wilson, Joan Armatrading, Dar Williams, Dolly Parton, Mirah, Jens Lekman, Sia, Gillian Welch

Song stuck in my head: Bebe’s new song, Ferrari. 

Last movie I saw: I watched Despicable Me 3 the other night on netflix. It was...everything I expected. The last movie I saw in the theater was Love, Simon

Last show I saw:  Theater? I think it was Hamilton last year! TV? I’m currently watching the finale of Glam Masters. It’s...ok.

When did I create my blog: 2012? YIKES

What do I post: A mishmash of everything I find interesting. Currently: 1D, Johnlock, queer shit, femme shit, Martin Freeman, US politics, Janelle Monae, other women making music that makes me feel gayer, meme/meme culture posts, and definitely too many “ask me questions about myself” posts bc i spent too many years on livejournal. 

Last thing I googled: Last night I was sitting with bander and wanted her to hear a song from my friends’ band, so I think the last thing I googled was “gaymous ross dress for less” which only kinda got me the result I wanted. Which was this amazing song. (Please listen, you won’t regret it!!)

Do I have any other blogs: Several! On here I have a cheese tumblr @heycheeselady (it’s mostly dead, i haven’t reblogged to it in ages) and a benedict cumberbatch meme tumblr that i used to co-run @darlingdomesticbatch that is now long abandoned (rip, it was actually really cute and fun while it lasted). I have a dreamwidth that used to be my livejournal where i really let my depression, anxiety, and emotional self-harm cut loose to like 2 or 3 other ppl (it’s a yikes-ass nightmare). ALSO i still have a diaryland diary (!!!) that is my private corner of the internet where i post inelegant poetic prose about my actual private emotions in ways that would feel dangerous to do in front of anyone but strangers. if i ever give you the info, you aren’t allowed to talk to me about it. i probably won’t give you the info. but i’ve had it since...2000? 2001? I definitely wrote about losing my virginity over there. embarrassing!! 

Do I get asks: Sometimes when I ask for them nicely. I rarely get anons, but after my 1 day brush with fame (which i think of as 1950gate) I realized that’s a good thing bc it’s fucking exhausting to have multiple ppl asking you the same question that you already answered/never wanted to answer anyway. also ppl can be mean! 

Why did I choose my url: I knew I was going to be blogging about sherlock and queer stuff, and I thought about what really connected those things. For me, it’s the homosocial-- social spaces and interactions that are focused on same gender relationships --that fuels the homosexual/makes me gayer. The description for my blog is “i am a homosocialsexual” because that’s really what i am. The yours part...I just liked the idea of signing off on everything. I remain homosocially yours,   

Following: 720 (and that’s after i unfollowed all the dead blogs. what can i say, I like having a voluminous and varied dash)

Followed by: 920 (this number is...shockingly high, ngl)

Favorite color(s): Bright dark pink and emerald green. Deep royal purple. Cornflower blue. The color of sun through leaves in the woods. 

Average hours of sleep: 6-12, there’s rarely an inbetween. 

Lucky number: 13

Instruments: I play ukulele and I’m a good enough singer to consider my voice an instrument in its own way.

What I’m wearing: Buffalo check thermal pj leggings and my fave grey pizza t-shirt

Dream job: Basically my current job? Though I should amend that because my reality needs to shift...I’m probably never going to be able to do my job full time again. So. Dream Job would be teaching cheese tasting classes to groups of 10-20 people at a time, giving info about the cheeses and how to taste them, how to prep them for a cheese plate, what to pair them with (and how). Ideally I would do all of this with a team of 2-4 other people, making decisions cooperatively and collectively. 

Dream trip: One month trip thru France visiting various cheesemakers and ending with a week in the south with my friend who has family down there. 

Fav food: Cheese. Ha :) 

Nationality: I’m Southern (from the US). My regional identity feels very important to me.

Fav song: Ummm I definitely can’t pick. Nope. 

Last book I read: Y’all I haven’t read a paper book in a hot minute. I just haven’t been able to do it. I even have books to read. My brain says NO NO NO. But the last book length fic I read was Own the Scars, and damn was it good!

Last fanfic I read: We’ll Be Seamless, which was a really great slowburn that ended so sweetly (with lots of hot moments along the way)

Random fact: I met my best friend in preschool when we were 3 years old. I’m even in her baby book. We had a few years of not being quite as close, but now at 37 we’re somehow still BFFs. We’re also both queer and big geeks, which is a nice thing. 

I’m tagging some random folks! Probably not 30 though, so if you see this and wanna do it, PLEASE DO IT & tag me in! (and really, I mean it, I don’t care if we’re mutuals or not!)

@yellinradios @swimmingbirdrunningrock @aprillikesthings @ann-fortunately

@miafi @always-aqua @valeria2067 @a-brighter-yellow @jaerie @yorkiepug

@yearofsolouis @suddenclarityharry @cumberbitchsandwich