#I HATE CRYING CUS OF PEOPLE SHOWING KINDNESS LIKE OH MY GOD

[mazzywazzy69]

Almost had a breakdown with a bunch of tears and I see this. I'm gonna combust.

[buckyalpine]

Hi Shay! May I please request this kind of comfort —> https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSRxoLGM4/ with Bucky pls? With fem reader? I have been feeling kinda stress and anxious and depressed lately because of personal things, school and the negativity in my head😞. Sorry for asking so much though. Thank you!💙🦾

I'm sorry you're going through all that my 🦾, I hope you feel better soon!! Sending you lots of love and hugs and soft blanket burritos

“Where’s y/n?”

Bucky frowned when he didn’t see you down at dinner yet again. You’d locked yourself away in your room, only coming out occasionally to grab a snack before running back and staying there for hours. He pondered what could have been bothering you. He’d noticed there would be weeks at a time, where you would isolate yourself, though this round had been the worst. No one had seen you for days on end. It didn’t help that all your school assignments had managed to pile up with due dates all falling on the same day.  

*****

You wandered down the hallway to grab a midnight snack, surprised to see Bucky in the kitchen. He smiled softly, his heart sinking seeing your puffy face and tired eyes. It was clear you had been crying, your breaths still uneven as you made your way through the kitchen pretending everything was fine.

“Hey Buck” You were wearing an oversized t-shirt that went down to your knees, fluffy slippers covering your feet. You grabbed a mug from the cupboard before turning the kettle on.

“Hey peanut” His eyes stayed on you while you made something to drink, your eyes vacant and distant. You were going through the movements but your mind was preoccupied.”I didn’t see you at dinner”  

“M’sorry, I just have a lot of assignments, it’s nothing” You forced a smile, not wanting to burden Bucky with the thousand other things that flooded your mind; feeling depressed, anxiety, the many things that were out of your control. Bucky nodded, not believing that school was the only thing that was bothering you this much. You grabbed your mug and a cookie, wishing him a goodnight before locking yourself in your room again.

Bucky shook his head; he hated seeing one of the sweetest people he knew suffering alone. He didn’t need the details. He just wanted to see you smile again.

*****

The team had left on a weeklong mission while you had stayed behind to finish up school work (though Tony was happy to let you stay, hoping some time off would make you feel better. He had Bucky specifically; stay behind to watch over you).

“We’ll just be gone for a week and I don’t want to stress her more by having her come with us. It’ll be quick. Keep an eye on y/n, terminator”

“Oh- I- are you sure? W-what about Nat?” Bucky looked at Tony with wide eyes, unable to stop his cheeks from blushing.

“Dear God, you’re worse than Capsicle” Tony ran a hand over his face, unable to understand how Bucky was simultaneously a trained assassin and also the most flustered man on the planet when it came to his crush on you. “You both like each other, just go make out already” Tony snorted, watching Bucky shift on his feet, his cheeks only growing warmer. “On a more serious note, just make sure she’s okay”

Bucky could hear the soft sniffles coming from your room come to an end. You passed by his room, smiling as if everything was fine, making your way to the living room. Enough was enough. He was not going to let you have another day go by with suffering alone. He recalled a conversation he had with you once (you showed him this tiktok); now seemed like the perfect time to bring those ideas to life. He set to work.

A few hours later

 “Y/n?” Bucky carefully sat beside you, gently shaking your shoulder. You had fallen asleep on the couch with your book still open on the coffee table. “You okay peanut?”

You nodded, hardly having the energy to move. Your eyes remained closed as you leaned into his touch, his hand still resting on your shoulder.

“What’s wrong sweet heart” He whispered, gently playing with your hair. You shrugged, curling into a ball, a lump forming in your throat. “You don’t have to tell me anything bubs but-uh-”

You could hear the nervousness in his voice, Bucky was never nervous around you (or so you thought). You looked up to see his cheeks tinted pink, nervously biting his lip.

 “I-I want to try something, if it’s okay with you” Bucky smiled shyly, while you moved to sit up.  You nodded, squealing when he scooped you up in his arms, carrying you over to his room. You gasped, seeing fairy lights strung along the walls, the lights dimmed. He had laid out a thick fuzzy blanket, walking you over in his arms and placing you at the end.

“What are you doing Bucky” You giggled, while he cocked his head to the side, making sure he’d positioned you correctly.

“Here, just let me-” He rolled and wrapped you into the blanket, making sure to tuck the ends in so you were in a warm cozy roll. You couldn’t help the smile that crept up on your face, feeling secure and content in your blanket burrito. “Comfy?”

You nodded, while Bucky smiled proudly of his work, carefully shifting you so you could up against the headboard of his bed.

 “I got you some snacks and we can pick out a movie” He walked over to the coffee table in his room, bringing over a tray filled with all your comfort foods. He put on your favorite movie, something light hearted that would make you laugh. He carefully fed you bites of your snacks, making sure you drank water throughout. Your heart felt lighter as you sat with Bucky, his arm wrapped around your shoulder, occasionally giving you soft kisses on your head. You wiggled out of the blanket so you could crawl into Bucky’s lap. His hands itched to wrap around you and cuddle with you, unsure if it was something you’d be comfortable with.

“Hold me please?” you whispered, sensing his hesitation. His arms immediately wrapped around you, hugging you snuggly to his chest. “Is this okay?” His hands rubbed up and down your back, soothing you while you closed your eyes. You both shifted so you could lie down; Bucky turned the volume of the TV down so you could fall asleep. You buried your face into his chest, clinging onto him. It was the first time you had genuinely smiled in weeks.

“Thank you for all this” you looked at him, his blue eyes sparkling at you. Bucky smiled, leaning down to place a sweet soft kiss on your forehead. He would have done this 100 times over as long as it made you smile.

“Always, my baby burrito”

*****

So after that day, Bucky’s go to method to comfort you is to put you in a blanket burrito. He reads your mood better than you do, he can tell when you’re not feeling great or when you just need to be held. Sometimes he whisks you away for some quick midday cuddles.

On more than occasion, he’s turned you into a burrito even when the rest of the team is still there. And they find it utterly adorable. He carefully moves the blanket to cover you, making sure your feet and hands are comfortable tucked in. He always placed a kiss on your head when he’s done. Sometimes he carries you off to his room; sometimes you don’t mind just staying put.

Sometimes he just carries you around in his arms, telling you how wonderful you are, just how much he adores you. You are so special to him, and his favorite thing is to see you smile. He’s always so patient with you, it doesn’t matter if you don’t feel good for days or weeks. He always there to hold and comfort you no matter what.

-

Tags: @glxwingrxse @hungryyeyes @sebsgirl71479 @beabutterfly987 @teambarnes72 @witchy-whore @jamesbuckybarneswify @slutforsexyseabass @chrisdrysdale @littlemarvelmenfan @buggy14 @whimsyplaty92 @sergntbarnes @inkedaztec @pono-pura-vida @moonlightreader649 @brooklynscherry-z  @elle14-blog1 @littlelightnings @psychomanniac-blog @happyt0exist @emmabarnes @bethyruth   @matchat3a @cjand10 @getwellsoontana @cherryschaos @lokisasgardianvampirequeen   @ashenc-blog   @buckybarnessimpp  @potatothots @goldylions   @high-functioning-lokipath  @morganemorganite-blog @peaches1958 @kingfleury @spiderman-stilinski @peaceinourtime82   @gublur @wintersmelodie @geeky-politics-46 @lolawassad @almosttoopizza @a-poor-gryffindork @alternativeprincess @buckycallsmeaslut @kamaria-sweet-writes

[unpopularwriter25]

hey!!! so Ive come across a few of your matchups, and was wondering if I could request for one!    info  

My name is Brielle, first off. brie for short!! :D (pronounced 'BREE-EL')    appearance: i dont really know how to describe my skin tone. it's like a honey-bronze, I think? im black and Mexican, but my father is a light skinned black so im not that dark in colour, and my mom is a light skinned Mexican. idk im just tan lol. 

I have dark brown eyes and im pretty sure their almond shaped, and I have naturally curly lashes. my eyebrows are short and have an itty bitty arch at the end 

my nose has a bridge, but its not bulky at all, its just kinda there.  

my lips are bow shaped. 

I have like... no shoulders. :') 

im not slim or skinny, but im also not overweight. im like.. average ig 

I think I'm a pear body shape 

im a curly girly!! im a 3a. my hair color is like a medium brown. I have natural light brown and blonde highlights, and I have a few red undertones. it falls just under my shoulders when curly, but is to my bust when straightened.

I have freckles on my cheeks and on my hands. my hands are soft (as ive been told) and my fingernails grow fast, but I bite them because of my anxiety so their usually short. 

personality: im a 100% extrovert!!! im very social and loveee talking to others!! like, I scream in public regularly. im also very sensitive. if I see someone cry, I cant help but sob with them. when I get frustrated or angry, tears. its not embarrassing to me though. I think being open with your emotions is very important!!! I also adore to laugh. like alot. ive been told that im kind of a doormat for people I have soft spots for, but for the most part im super vocal about my opinions and im strong with my vocabulary and choice of words. im normally an overall goofy and silly person, but when something serious, or something im passionate about comes up, serious brie comes alive!! I have low self esteem, and get kinda bashful when receiving compliments.. im an over thinker for sure. i overanalyze random stuff cus yes. anxiety sucks man. im also moody. one day ill literally be depressed and hate myself, the next day im smiling and cheerfully skipping around. (hey, skipping is fun, ok?) I'm super talkative- which im sure you figured out by now, haha. im also kinda jumpy cus anxiety. im bad at decision making and get overwhelmed with it.  

hobbies: I like writing. more specifically, creative writing. I love being descriptive and stuff. I love readinggggg!!!!!! books r life . im a strong believer of God and a proud Christian. I like chatting to people, i like watching tv shows, and I love music. OH. how could I forget? my passion is musical theatre. im in love with the stage and being silly on it! im a certified triple threat. Singing dancing and acting are some of my talents. though singing is probably my specialty.  

dislikes: i hate ignorant and illiterate individuals. they make me furious. I also dont like when people overcomplicate things... like bro why??? I also will NOT tolerate homophobia, racism, transphobia, or any sort of hatred. I also hate when people make fun of others who are comfortable in their own skin, and are great at expressing themselves.

likes: I love, loVE, LOVEEEEEEE flowers. my favorites are roses. I love my blanket. I sleep with 9 of them :). nobody is EVER too old for the warmth of a soft blanket. I love physical touch, cant go without it! I randomly cling onto my friends. sometimes I give hugs out of nowhere, I hold hands with my friends alot. I even give them kisses... (on the top of their head, not on the lips lmao).. 

love language:i have alot. physical touch, WOA, and quality time. like I said earlier, I loveee physical touch. and I also love telling people how much I love them and love giving people praise, sometimes I randomly text my friends "iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouuu" cus yesss. I also like spending time with people cus it makes our bond stronger and we can share so many more fun memories!! what I like receiving is mainly touch and also WOA. I blush kind of easily when my friends give me woa cus self esteem sucks lol. it also leaves a warm feeling in my heart when people say it to my face :) im gonna end it here cus ive been typing for like an hour lol. have a splendid day!!!! stay happy :)

-brie

Sorry for the delay! I hope you enjoy~!!

I ship with Gyomei Himejima!!

Gyomei is known for his deep compassion and kindness towards others, which aligns with your caring personality.

As the Stone Hashira, Gyomei possesses immense strength and is fiercely protective, providing a sense of security that you appreciate.

Both you and Gyomei value justice and empathy, sharing a strong stance against ignorance, overcomplication, and intolerance.

Gyomei’s backstory and emotional depth would resonate with your sensitive and emotional nature, fostering understanding and support.

Gyomei’s willingness to protect and his strength would align well with your love for physical touch and warmth from blankets.

Gyomei’s supportive nature would complement your extroverted and expressive personality, creating a balanced partnership.

Gyomei’s commitment to justice and protecting others would align with your vocal stance on important issues.

His calm and serious demeanor balances out your goofy and silly side, creating a harmonious dynamic.

Gyomei’s resilience and determination, as seen in his role as a Hashira, would be inspiring to you.

Both of you share a tendency to feel deeply and empathize easily with others’ emotions.

Gyomei’s spiritual nature and dedication to his beliefs might resonate with your faith as a proud Christian.

You both would likely provide mutual emotional support and understanding during times of emotional highs and lows.

Gyomei’s ability to communicate through actions and emotions complements your strong vocabulary and expressive nature.

Both of you would appreciate spending time together engaging in hobbies like reading, watching TV shows, and enjoying music.

Being with Gyomei could encourage personal growth, especially in areas of emotional resilience and deepening faith.

[greaterpaladin]

so in me and @twiinkjuice 's writing there was a war between the celestial god and his siblings/children and then the infernal kings, cus they both staked claim on lands that were next to each other and the celestial god was not happy about this. in the end he won and the infernal kings went eh fuck this and went back to the infernal realm, but they left behind a lot of infernals who'd basically been mass produced. most of the ones that'd even survived weren't soldiers, just farmers and stonemasons and stuff. anyway the celestial god enslaved some of them and had them come back to his country.

this went on for a while but one of the heralds (that's his siblings/children) was not okay with this cus he was the herald of compassion, so he started helping a rebellion that had, obviously, started up. he stayed with them and helped til the celestial god- his name is iustinious- showed up and massacred everyone, and the herald of compassion- his name is cyprian- went completely nuts because seeing it was like, antithetical to being a manifestation of compassion, and swooped off to destroy one of the hubs where most of this had been going on, and by this point he was a giant mutated monster, like a lion-eagle-snake-thing with a human face that's screaming and crying and iustinious is like ??? wait what how and he can't bring himself to kill cyprian so he just chains him up in the now ruined city.

and he's like okay, fine, i'm done with this. he gathers up all of the rebels, infernals and celestials that'd helped them, and is like go live in this bit of land here. don't say i don't do anything for you. oh and also i revoke my powers and protection from you. so the freed infernals go with the now cursed celestials to live on this bit of land. and this land is like, not as hospitable as the rest of the country, that's why there's not really anyone living there. iustinious gets his people to build a big fucking wall around the land so they don't come back in. and the freed infernals and cursed celestials are like fine, we hate you anyway, we'll build our own society with blackjack and hookers. and they do, it's called terra nubi because the celestial country is called terra aurea. this is way back in history so the freed infernals and cursed celestials just kinda become one race, and the celestials are like ew, you're condemned, and the name sticks but the condemned aren't really bothered cus they find it kind of funny.

and that's why the condemned both have celestial features but edgy and dark, like black wings and black eyes, but also often have horns and tails like infernals. also their society is structured around a secret cabal of assassin's guilds who run the entire country from the shadows, but like, living there isn't so bad? as long as you don't get involved in guild business you can just live a comfy enough life.

this defo isn't all so i can draw that 2000s era ppl with black angel wings crying

[sanzu-sanzu-sanzu]

Hiiiii.🙈

Just came here to say that I love your Songs About Toxic People so much.❤️ I've been obsessed about the Bonten Executives ever since I caught up with the manga and it's just so sad how we don't have enough content about them yet.🤧

I love all the Bonten Executives and my favorites are Sanzu and the Haitanis.🥺🤧💕

It's funny because I don't even know how that happened and I didn't notice it right away but the next thing I know I'm simping after the three of them so hard and for days my mind has been filled with nothing but thoughts of them ever since. Oh, the struggle. (😂)

The lack of content about them almost turned me into a fanfic writer right then and there (🤣) because I seriously wanted to read something about an OC who's also the only female executive in Bonten and I almost wrote it down myself, I swear.😆 I have never written something before in my life. Never. That's why I am soooo glad to find Songs About Toxic People. You have no idea how you saved me from the thirst I've been having ever since I got introduced to Bonten!Sanzu and Bonten!Haitanis and how you silenced the raging thoughts in my head about them if only for a little while, may God help me.

Now. About your absolutely beautiful and wonderfully written fic. Let me just say that I love everything about it.✨ The characterization, the little details about OC, their interactions, the dialogue, everything, is chef's kiss in my opinion. English is not my first language and (I'm guessing your's isn't as well? If I'm wrong, please ignore this but if I'm right then) I admire how beautiful your narration is. The words you use and the way you can create an image in your readers' minds using your descriptions is amazing.❤️

Your "show, don't tell" skills in writing is very beautiful, very admirable, and it's also my most favorite part of your story. I love it very much, seriously. That skill is the one thing I lack that made me give up in being able to write something of my own.😌 I realized that when it comes to writing, there are so many factors to remember and consider in order to make it interesting and engaging for your readers. Worldbuilding, character development, pacing, to name a few. But the hardest for me to master is the one thing you're so amazingly good at. And I admire you for that. That's why whenever I come across a writer like you with such excellent "show, don't tell" skills, I always make sure to make my appreciation shown. ❤️

Another thing I love about your story is the OC.😭 God, I love her so much. She is everything I've wanted to see in a fic that involves the Bonten Executives. She's a badass, she's feisty, and she perfectly fits right in with the other characters. I could just cry with how perfect she is in my opinion and you made that happen.😭❤️ I'm very satisfied with her character and I want to thank you again because I just know that if I did followed up on my need to write my own fic despite my inexperience, I just know that I'll end up disappointing myself and possibly even hate the plot idea because I was not able to meet my own expectations so thank you, thank you, thank you.❤️

She is amazing. You are amazing. Your whole fic is super amazing. I am glad and relieved that I don't have to write my own because yours already exists and it's so perfect.🤧

A female Bonten Executive, and the only female one at that.🥺🤧😭 I am so incredibly happy that the idea is finally out there and someone finally wrote it and that someone is also such a good writer. 🙌🏼

Kudos to you and I hope I can do more than just read and then say thanks. I believe you deserve more than that because I've been looking for this exact content you made and I've been looking for days. And now that I found one, even just the one, I'm relieved because it's already perfect on its own.😌

It's possible that it would take a long time for other writers to write something like this: a female OC that involves the Bonten Executives, my favorite flavor.🤧 It makes me sad, but no matter. I don't mind if I have to reread Songs About Toxic People again and again and again like how Sanzu takes drugs I'M SORRY for a long while because it's enough to satisfy my hunger and my thirst for the time being.❤️

Wow. This got super long. My bad. 😅 I did not mean for this to happen. I hope you don't mind this long ass appreciation message. I love leaving this kind of messages to writers like you.😊

Anyways, yeah. I just came here to tell you that. I hope you're having an amazing day and that you're safe wherever you are. Please take care of yourself. I'm looking forward to more of your works and what you can come up with. I am super excited! 😁

Best of luck and God bless.

- ✨

helloooo :”( this one took me a quite a while to answer because i just couldn’t stop gushing whenever i’d open my inbox huhuhu but you have no idea how much this truly means to me and i wish i can write better words at explaining how this made me feel. <3

first of all, your obsession with the bonten executives is COMPLETELY understandable i’m literally on the same boat as you my friend hahaha with sanzu being my main guy <3 they’re just so hot and dangerous but i also think there’s something kinda funny with all those guys being together LMAO (especially sanzu and the haitanis…add in a dead-eyed manjiro omg..)

just like you i am quite sad about the lack of content on them hahahaha it’s the main reason why i started writing about them in the first place, actually! (also because i'm just obsessed with sanzu) but that was more at the beginning when i still mostly relied on ao3, and then i got more active on tumblr and now literally everyday there’s new fics about them and that makes me extremely happy 🥺 i always did think that the bonten executive OC would make for such a nice flavor so i just latched on to the idea, and i also wanted to keep it a little more casual because i’m not the best with dark themes hahaha but it also helps me imagine the bonten execs in friendlier, more human, more everyday settings—a very fun exercise when you can’t stop thinking about them!

i am beyond happy knowing that you’re enjoying my fic to the point of sending me this lengthy message (whose length i don’t mind at all!!!) 😭 painting a picture with words is one of my favorite things ever when it comes to writing and i just…tear up when people enjoy my descriptions and the interactions and the little details huhuhuhu you have no idea. i didn’t even know i was doing a ‘show, don’t tell’ manner of writing until you pointed it out, so i gotta thank you for this cause it made me think more about how i write (in a good way!), so thank you, i super appreciate it.

i also hope you do get to write if ever you wanna! manifest the things you’d like to see in the world—something like that! hahahaha but also yeah, it can be fun and the possibilities are endless and it’s fanfiction so you can always do you <3

again, this really just made my day and i’ve saved it to my notes to read for when i’m feeling meh hahaha. i gotta say in advance tho that my updates might not come as regularly as before cus (1) life and also (2) need ken wakui to reveal more about my favorite bad boy sanzu LOL so we get to know him better.

and here’s to hoping more people write about oc’s that are bonten execs! so you’d get to have your share of this genre of bonten fic! hehehe you deserve it <3

THANK YOU SO MUCH, i hope you’ll have a nice day too 🥺 and take caaaaare. MWAH.

ps. oh yes, you’re right! english is not my first language hahaha.

[multiyandereimagines]

Spencer Reid x Male! Yandere! Reader

so this has been requested by someone in my direct messages, (idk if you want to be anonymous but i will do that anyways lol)

request: beginning, y/n joins the BAU and falls for Spencer, blah blah blah the normal thing (lol I’m weird) but when girls flirt with him he gets pissed and kills them. Crosses their arms after as a sign of remorse. And while the BAU is looking for him, he points them in the wrong direction

After another kill, Spencer see’s him killing someone and then he starts to cry cus he feels super bad

and Spencer decides to point them in the wrong direction or sumthin and they have to stop investigating

hope you all enjoy this! ❤️

tw: murder, gore

you and spencer are in some pretty deep shit right now.

i mean you did this all for him, the least he could do would be happy that someone could love him so much to the point of murder.

well before we get ahead of ourselves let’s go back to where this all started.

it was your first day in the bau, you felt excited yet nervous, you thought everyone would hate you. especially with your sexual orientation you worry that you probably wouldn’t fit in.

when you entered the round table everyone looked up at you, you smiled at each and everyone one of them and they smiled back. “welcome agent l/n, this is the team.” hotch started introducing everyone and finally you got to learn their names, one stuck out to you though.

spencer reid.

you felt like you could just die right there looking into his eyes, his messy hair and cute button nose, what’s not to like about him?

you shook his hand, wanting to feel him, “oh i don’t do hand shakes.” god even his voice is sexy.

“oh.. my bad.” you looked down shyly as you sat next to rossi.

“alrighty, so three women have been brutally murdered at this bar, they looked like they had been endlessly tortured, no signs of sexual assault and no one saw anything.” the woman with a colorful dress said, you think her name is penelope.

“clearly he’s a sadist but he doesn’t assault his victims.” morgan said swiping through the mutilated bodies on an ipad.

“someone must have wronged him to make him do these kinds of things to women, it’s clear he hates women.” you said inspecting one of the corpse.

“maybe a sister or a past lover.” spencer then went on to rant about how ted bundy killed his victims and how some of the methods of these killings were similar, he then went on to rant about something else, you were intrigued but hotch stopped him, he blushed and looked up at you, you gave him a smile as he smiled back.

he smiled at you...

your heart felt like it was going to explode, you felt like jumping up and down and yelling at the top of your lungs “he smiled at me, he smiled at me!”

you couldn’t stop smiling for the rest of the conversation, until it was time to go the jet.

~~~

you and spencer went to the bar where the murders went down, you asked the female bartender if she saw anything that may have been suspicious or felt sorta weird, she just shook her head, spencer ran up to you, “hey y/n i don’t think he killed them in this bar.. it may have been an alleyway.”

“how would you know?”

“there’s blood..”

your eyes slightly widened, “well hello there, handsome.” the female bartender looked at spencer up and down, he just blushed and looked down shyly, something in you just... snapped. you felt your whole world go down when you saw spencer smiling a little, you looked at the bartender, completely ignoring your presence and just smiled at spencer.

you grabbed his hand and walked away quickly, “okay spence show me to the alleyway.” you quickly said, not wanting to look at that bitch’s face. spencer was confused but he didn’t question it, he looked back at the bartender who was waving at him.

“oh gosh your right, there is a shit ton of blood.” you started to smell something a little funky, you walked to where the smell came from and there was another body that was coated with blood, it looked like something out of a horror movie, you tried to keep your cool, not wanting to seem weak, “spence! another body!” he ran up to you and his jaw dropped slightly at the scene.

“i’ll call hotch.”

~~~

once the day was over you sat on the comfy bed of your hotel room, your mind couldn’t stop thinking about how that bitch flirted with YOUR spencer right in front of you. your mind traveled to complete darkness, and before you knew it you walked out of your hotel room with a silver fork in your hand, you let your legs take control and you knew where you were headed.

you barged into the doors of the bar, you quickly searched for the woman and there she was, serving drinks and smiling all innocently, you scoffed, no way in hell is she innocent.

you approached her and she looked at you surprisingly, “oh hey! aren’t you that fbi dude from earlier?” you nodded, keeping a straight face, “where’s your friend?” she smirked, that’s it.

“i need your help with something, about the killer.” she beamed, “yeah anything!” you motioned for her to follow you and she told someone to cover for her, you led her to the alleyway where the same unsub kills his victims, you turned around and she looked scared, “uh, i-is that blood?” she pointed to the ground, “well yes, it might be.”

you pulled out your fork, you don’t know how you’re going to be able to kill her like this but it’s worth a try.

~~~

there she was... dead.

your fork was all crimson red and your hands were shaking, you felt like crying, how could you do something like this?

what would spencer think?

“fuck... what did i do?” you whisper yelled, your shaky hands traveled her arms, you slowly crossed her arms, guilt washed over you completely.

you slowly stood up and looked at her one last time before taking an anxiety written journey to the hotel.

~~~

“there’s been another murder at the same exact alleyway.” hotch announced, you were sweating bullets but kept your cool. “it’s a whole different m.o. it was just multiple stab wounds with a fork, our unsub does things more brutal than that.” rossi inspected the crime scene, “wait y/n that’s the bartender we talked to yesterday..” spencer looked at you in complete shock, your heart beat quickened, you felt like you were going to throw up. “t-that’s crazy...”

spencer nodded in agreement, you took a deep breath, everything is gonna be okay, you told yourself.

you and spencer told the devastating news to the bartenders sister, as you’d expect she was sobbing, “i’m very sorry for your loss.” you told her, you wanted to cry too, you really wanted to. spencer rubbed her shoulder and like that she started to calm down, “thank you, dr. reid.” she smiled at him, “no no, it’s no problem.” he looked at you and you just gave a sad smile, “i-i may need more help to uh... recover. mind if i ask you for your number, doctor?”

wait what.

you and spencer looked at each other, both of you completely taken aback.

“uh i-“

“i know some really good people that can help you out, i will give you their number instead.” you butted in, she just looked at you annoyingly, “uh.. no thanks.” she stood up and walked out. “that was uh... weird.” spencer blushed a little, you nodded, hiding your anger.

oh god.

the anger is coming back.

shit shit shit.

why now, why with a grieving family member?

i mean she did ask for your spencer’s number.

it’s a good enough reason to get rid of her.

you went to a private location and called up garcia, “what’s up, sugar?”

“hey garcia, i need you to send me an address from someone.”

“oh alright, who?”

“well you know the recent victim’s sister, she asked me for help with something and i don’t want to let her down.”

garcia gasped, “wait... does little y/n have a crush...” you almost choked on your spit, “whoa there, no way, not in a million years would i like a victims family member.”

“whatever you say lover boy, i sent you the address!”

“thanks garcia, your the best.”

~~~

here you go again, this time with a knife, you knocked on the door and the sister opened it, “oh hey, is there a problem?” why did she seem totally normal? shouldn’t she be bawling her eyes out? “uh well i wanted to talk about the numbers i told you about.” she looked bored, “oh... come in, i guess.”

you went inside, you turned around and she noticed the knife you were holding, “uh..”

and just like that you stabbed her, you wanted to stop but your mind traveled to where she asked for your lovers number, and all that anger came rushing in again.

you didn’t notice the door opening and spencer would be the one to look at the horror in front of him, “y/n?? stop! stop it!” he pulled you off of her, you turned your head to see a traumatized spencer reid, “what the- spencer? what are you doing here?” “what am i doing here?? what are YOU doing here?”

you both stood there quietly, then soft sobs came out of your lovers mouth, you looked up and saw spencer crying.

oh god, this was not what you wanted at all...

“fuck... spencer..”

you slowly approached him and hugged him, surprisingly he hugged you back, “w-what did you do...” he sobbed out.

“i’m sorry...”

“the others are gonna find out...”

“are you gonna tell them?”

“...no.”

you pulled back and looked right into his eyes, “you sure?”

“yeah i’m sure.” he sniffed, “i’ll make sure of it.”

there was silence again.

until reid spoke up.

“why did you do all this?” he wiped his tears off of his cheeks.

“i... i love you... like a lot and i don’t know if you’d like me back since i’m a guy and... i don’t know.” you buried your face in your hands, you wanted to cry, scream, destroy everything.

“y/n... this is not the way to get someone to like you-“

“I KNOW THAT! i know that.. fuck!” you cursed, a few tears threatening to spill.

“if- if it makes you feel any better... i’m bisexual...”

“fuck this isn’t the right time to come out.”

you couldn’t help but giggle, “it’s alright.”

~~~

the team tried to catch the guy who commited the two murders but no such luck, they arrested the one responsible for the 3 murders though.

you and spencer looked at each other, he smiled at you as you smiled at him back, secretly holding hands.

[idnek83]

Aid - Chapter 4/13

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Soda Kazuichi/Tanaka Gundham

Tags: Alternate Universe - Island Mode, No Game Spoilers, Masturbation,  Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Semi-Public Sex, Grinding, Wet Dreams, Anal Fingering,  Friends With Benefits,  Getting Together, Internalized Homophobia, Anal Sex

Summary: Everyone is hot and half naked because of their beach vacation. Soda is horny and tries to do something about it. Gundham tries to help and does. It all gets a little out of hand.

Chapter: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13

Read on Ao3

This Chapter: Soda is slowly realizing his relationships might be changing. Soda has some feelings, Gundham has a secret, and both of them blow off some steam.

_____________________

Once he was out of Nagito’s sight, Soda stopped and looked around. Gundham had gone to the beach? He said he didn’t like the ocean or whatever, but now he was apparently going to the beach on his own? Had he just made an excuse earlier cus he didn’t want to hang out with everyone?

Had Gundham just not wanted to hang out with him?

Soda hesitated. Gundham might just get even more annoyed with him if he showed up and crashed his secret beach time. Maybe he really should just take the food back to his own room, eat way too much, maybe cry a little, then pass out for the night. That sounded like an alright plan…

But his dumbass already had told everyone he was taking food to Gundham, meaning Gundham would definitely find out that Soda had purposely not looked for him and get even more pissed. God damnit. He really couldn’t deal with it if Gundham hated him.

He started walking towards the beach. If Gundham got mad he could just play dumb and say he was going for a swim, he was still in his swimsuit after all.

It wasn’t a great plan but, hey, it was a plan.

He wasn’t really sure what he’d find; Gundham swimming, or exercising, or taming animals, or like, trying to summon a demon. But when he got to there, Gundham was simply standing still, dressed once again in his swim shorts and scarf, staring out at the ocean with a troubled look on his face.

Something about it made Soda feel like he was seeing something private. Like Gundham really wouldn’t want him there.

Before he could even think about leaving, Gundham turned his head and caught sight of him. He looked surprised and… embarrassed?

“My… Kazuichi, for what purpose have you disturbed my dark meditation?” He didn’t look mad, but Soda could tell he wasn’t happy to see him. Ouch. Fair, but still ouch.

“Uh, Teruteru made food for everyone so… I thought maybe you’d want to eat some too?” He awkwardly shifted the bowl in his hands.

“Ah, if you are simply here to deliver sustenance, you may do so and leave.” Gundham gestured dismissively to a spot on the ground where he had laid out a towel.

Oh shit, he was actually super mad wasn’t he, Gundham must be one of those guys who just never yells when he’s actually pissed, just gets quiet and scary. Shit. Fuck. At least he was used to being yelled at, he didn’t know how to deal with quiet angry people. He really needed to apologize.

“Look Gundham, I’m really fuckin’ sorry, I shouldn’t have-“

“You are sorry?” Gundham looked surprised. God, he must think Soda is a real piece of shit to be surprised that he’d try to apologize. Soda’s chest felt tight. He was actually gonna cry. Gundham definitely already hated him.

“Y-yeah, I- look it was stupid and I’m stupid and I really didn’t mean to be so god d-damn shitty to you, I was just…” A stupid selfish asshole? An idiot chasing tail? The same useless fuck-up he had always been? God he wasn’t even worth the time Gundham was giving him to apologize. And now he was crying like some kind of pussy.

Gundham was standing in front of him now, Soda looked at the ground. Gundham didn’t need to see how ugly his face was when he was crying like a little bitch, and Soda didn’t want to see the look Gundham’s face when he realised just how truly pathetic he was.

“I just so- so fucking stupid and useless and-” He felt a hand on his naked shoulder.

“My sweet companion, I do not know what it is you are trying to apologize for,” Gundham pulled him close to his bare chest and began to gently stroke his hair “but I am certain it is not worth shedding your precious tears over.”

Soda sniffed, grossly, against Gundham’s shoulder “I t-totally ditched you today. I invited you out and the I just f-fucking left you.” His arms were just hanging at his sides while Gundham tried to comfort him. He had dropped Teru’s food. He felt incredibly stupid. He was incredibly stupid.

“I believe it was I who deigned not to accompany you.” Gundham moved his hand from Soda’s hair to his cheek, gently shifting his head so he was able to look into Soda’s eyes. “You have inverted the situation, dearest friend, I fear it is I who must ask forgiveness of you.” Gundham smiled in that soft way that made Soda’s chest hurt.

“I- huh? B-but I should have-“ He averted his eyes from Gundham’s face, he didn’t deserve Gundham’s kindness.

“Then I forgive you, if that is what you wish to hear. I forgive you for all that you believe you have done wrong, and I only ask that you to grant me the pleasure of your smile in return.” The hand on Soda’s cheek slid under his chin and lifted. Soda had stopped crying, but he didn’t smile. “Do not make me call upon my Deva’s, Kazuichi, you will not be able to withstand their wrath.”

Soda laughed weakly, turning his head to rest it against Gundham’s shoulder. “You didn’t a-actually bring them to the beach right?” He sniffled a little, feeling his tears drying on his cheeks “Isn’t it dangerous for them out here in the dark?”

“Ah, you once again prove to be wise beyond my perception. The Deva’s remain safely in their lairs.” Gundham’s hand was back in his hair, stroking.  “You’ve bested my deception with your dark insight, well done.” Gundham stepped back so he could look at Soda again. “Shall we partake in the rations you have fetched? Perhaps it would be best to converse after sating our hunger.”

Soda looked down at the food he had dropped, it looked like the lid had stayed on at least.

“Okay, y-yeah, that sounds like a good idea.”

They sat on Gundham’s towel and ate in silence, as Soda’s shaky breathing slowly returned to normal. He always felt so unsteady after crying, it was embarrassing. At least Gundham wasn’t making fun of him for it.

“Hey, um… Sorry about all that.” He said, staring at his feet. “I swear I’m not usually such a pussy, I just… had a weird day, I guess. Shit just kinda piled up and, well… I dunno, I guess I was worried you like, hated me or something?”

“I am… quite far from hating you.” Soda looked up, but Gundham turned away from him. “Why would you think I held such a feeling for you?”

“Cus of how I ditched you earlier! Like a complete asshole! What kinda friend does that?”

“So, the guilt you felt, believing you had abandoned me, that was what caused your emotions to spill out so violently?”

“I guess, kinda… yeah?”

“Ah, then I truly do own you my most sincere of apologies.”

“What? No man, it’s fine, really.”

“But it is my weakness which caused you such sorrow.”

“Your weakness?”

Gundham stood and turned towards the ocean. “As I said, it was I who chose not to accompany you. I… wished to partake in the ritual which our comrades suggested, however, I would not have been able to.”

Not able? Didn’t Gundham just hate the ocean or something?

“It is shameful but… I am unable to traverse Poseidon’s realm.” Gundham hid the lower half of his face in his scarf as he spoke.

‘Unable to traverse’? Wait, did he mean-

“You can’t swim?” Soda was sure he was misunderstanding.

What little Soda could see of Gundham’s face turned red.

“As I said, it is quite shameful. That is why I ventured here this dark night; I wish to overcome my weakness, so that I may partake when next I am bade to an aquatic ritual.” Gundham sighed “However, it is proving quite difficult.”

So he was trying to teach himself to swim? So that he could hang out with everyone next time they wanted to play in the ocean? That was… pretty cute.

“I could teach you.” Soda had spent some time checking out a busty swim instructor at a pool one summer, he figured he probably picked something up.

“You would aid me in this?”

Soda’s heart skipped a beat when Gundham spoke that word, and he knew he was blushing. He told his dick to shut up for a minute so he could help his friend.

“Course, I don’t mind. I missed you at the beach today anyways, so it’d be cool if you came next time.” Soda scratched his face and tried not to think too much about Gundham coming. “You wanna do this now or?”

“It was my intention to begin my training tonight. Does this suit you?”

“Sure, I could go for another swim.” He smiled at Gundham. Gundham smiled at him.

“Thank you, my dearest-”

A loud laugh could be heard coming from the direction of their cabins. Apparently their friends were returning from the other island. Soda saw the embarrassed look on Gundham’s face and realised he probably didn’t want the others to know about his ‘weakness’.

“C’mon, grab your stuff and let’s find somewhere else to do this.” Soda picked up the empty bowl they had been eating from and headed towards the rocky outcrop a little further down the shore. He could hear Gundham just behind him.

The “beach” on the other side of the hill wasn’t nearly as nice. It was essentially just a small patch of sand, surrounded by the rocky outcrop so you couldn’t enjoy the cool sea breeze during the day. But that also meant it was relatively isolated from the rest of the island and they wouldn’t have to worry about the others catching them here.

Swimming, they wouldn’t have to worry about the others catching them swimming here.

Gundham spread out his towel again and Soda bent over to set the bowl down next to it. When he straightened out, Gundham was behind him, staring. There was a moment of awkwardness between them.

“Uh, I guess we should get started then?” Soda laughed awkwardly and gestured towards the water, what was with this atmosphere?

“Yes, you are right.” Gundham removed his scarf, turned, and walked towards the ocean. Was Soda imagining it or did Gundham look a little… disappointed?

Weird.

Soda followed him into the water. The sun had set like an hour ago, but it was still plenty warm out and the coolness of the water was nice. Soda waded out until the water was at his waist, before diving forwards and enjoyed being submerged in the refreshing feeling for a moment. When he resurfaced he found Gundham staring at him with a worried expression.

“Don’t worry dude, it’s not even that deep here. If you think you’re gonna go under all ya gotta do is stand up.” Soda reached out and gave him a reassuring pat on the arm. Wow, he always forgot that Gundham was actually kinda jacked. His biceps were-

A topic for another time when he wasn’t trying to help his friend learn how to swim.

“Ok so uh, I guess we should just start with floating? Or do you know how to do that already?”

Gundham looked apprehensively at the water and shook his head.

“No worries man, just like, lay back and let the water catch you.” Soda demonstrated, then righted himself. “See? Easy. Your turn.”

Gundham slowly laid back, then promptly sunk below the water. Oops. Not easy apparently.

Gundham re-emerged, blushing and gasping. He turned his gaze to the shore.

“Perhaps-”

“Don’t worry about it dude, that was my bad.” He wasn’t going to let Gundham give up that easily. “Try it again, I’ll help you stay up this time.” Soda moved next to Gundham and put his hands out to catch him. “Just lay back again, I won’t let you go under, trust me.”

Gundham took a deep breath before laying back again. Once he was on his back Soda could tell his hands were the only thing keeping Gundham above water.

“Ok, so now you gotta just, kinda, spread your arms and legs.” He though back to the swim instructor, “Like a starfish.” Gundham complied and Soda felt the weight on his palms lessen. Almost there.

“K’ now you just gotta relax.” Gundham gave him an uneasy look. “C’mon, just like, take some deep breaths and close your eyes. I’m here dude, it’ll be fine.”

With a heavy sigh Gundham closed his eyes. He began taking deep breaths and Soda could feel the tension slowly leaving his body.

Soda felt kind of proud of him. This was probably pretty tough for Gundham, opening up and trusting another person like this. Soda wasn’t sure if he’d be able to do the same thing in his place.

Looking down at Gundham, Soda felt his heart beat a little faster. His face looked almost peaceful and his hair was a little messy. Apparently whatever product Gundham used to style his hair wasn’t waterproof. Soda let his gaze wander to the rise and fall of Gundham’s chest. He swallowed. Gundham had really nice pecs. And great abs. And thighs. And from what he remembered-

No, bad dick, helping Gundham comes first.

But maybe Gundham wouldn’t mind some help from his dick too?

“Is my form off?”

“W-what.” Gundham had opened his eyes at some point.

“I feel as though I am properly ‘floating’ now, but you seem to be examining my form quite closely. Am I doing something incorrectly?”

“Oh, no. You’re doing great. I was just…” Thinking about your dick. “Uh, anyways, why don’t we try a front float now?”

Soda waited until Gundham was standing and demonstrated floating on his stomach.

“So same deal as before, I’ll hold you up, so just focus on letting your body relax.”

Gundham lay forward, with much less apprehension than before, and Soda placed a hand on his stomach to support him.

God, Gundham’s abs. Soda couldn’t help but rub his hand over them a little, pretending he was adjusting his grip. Yeah, he was trying to focus on helping Gundham, but it was okay to be a little turned on right? Staring at Gundham’s back muscles wasn’t really helping the situation either. Why was Gundham in such good shape? Was training animals really that much work?

Focus Soda.

“You alright Gundham? Ready to try actually moving a bit?”

He felt Gundham tense up a bit, but he nodded anyways.

“Ok, I’ll keep holding you up for now so don’t worry. Just try kicking your legs a bit.”

–

Soda wasn’t sure how long they had been out there. He just knew Gundham was now able to do a passable breast stroke and that he had lost track of how many times he had blanked out just staring at Gundham’s body. He did know he had been caught more than once though. And that he had caught Gundham doing the same thing at least twice.

Gundham definitely didn’t need Soda to hold him up while he floated anymore, but he asked to do it again anyways, saying he wanted to focus on his form. Soda obliged, and Gundham didn’t ask why he placed one hand under his thigh this time, didn’t ask when Soda began to lightly squeeze and rub. Soda didn’t mention the quiet moan that escaped Gundham’s lips when he moved his hand to his ass, didn’t mention the growing bulge in Gundham’s trunks, just moved closer so Gundham could feel the one in his. Gundham didn’t stop him, instead he just stood, slowly, and pulled Soda in by his hips.

“Aid me.” Gundham pressed his cock into Soda’s hip, and breathed against his ear. “Please.”

Soda didn’t even have time to think about the way that word had gone straight to his dick. He grabbed Gundham’ hand and headed for shore.

He sat on Gundham’s towel, only to be pushed onto his back a second later. Gundham kneeled between his thighs and cradled his cheek.

“My sweet companion.” He whispered before ducking his head and kissing down Soda’s neck. Soda bucked his hips a little and slid a hand into Gundham’s hair.

“Fuuck, Gundham.” He moaned his name and bucked his hips again, the angle wasn’t right, he wasn’t getting the friction he wanted. He let out a frustrated groan.

Gundham must have understood what he wanted though. He slid his hands down Soda’s body and grabbed him by the hips, lifting them and pulling them flush with his own. Gundham lightly bit down on his shoulder and began thrusting against him. It wasn’t perfect, their cocks weren’t quite lined up right, but the friction caused by their swim shorts rubbing against each other as Gundham moved was still maddening.

“A-ah… my dearest… I- hah.” Gundham was moving quickly, nipping and licking at Soda’s neck and shoulders as he drove his hips forward. He was quietly moaning, his grip on Soda’s hips began to tighten, and his thrusts were growing stronger as he pulled Soda against him. He looked like he was already about to cum.

Gundham must have already been pretty turned on if he was getting close that fast. As hot as that was, Soda wasn’t ready for this to be over so quickly. He remembered he still needed to make Gundham scream.

“Gundham- ah- wait.” He ran a hand down Gundham’s back and squeezed his ass. Gundham slowed his thrusts. “What’s the rush? Lets slow things down a little.”

Gundham swallowed and stopped moving his hips. “Ah, my dark consort, I apologize. I was-” Gundham slid a hand back up to Soda’s cheek “Overcome.”

Soda shivered at the word. He didn’t think he had ever heard that tone in Gundham’s voice before. And ‘dark consort’ was new too, wasn’t it?

He wasn’t here to analyze Gundham’s speech though.

Soda squeezed Gundham’s ass again and moved his hands up to his chest, shoving slightly. Gundham got the hint and leaned back, only for Soda to follow him up. He placed his hands on Gundham’s shoulders and pushed him back until he was sitting so Soda could straddle his hips. Soda had planned to take the initiative, but Gundham didn’t give him time to.

Gundham’s hand found Soda’s hip, rubbing slightly before slipping onto his ass and kneading. He ran his other hand up Soda’s chest, teasing a nipple with his thumb before replacing it with his mouth. Soda gasped and tightened his grip on Gundham’s shoulders. He had though about sucking on girls’ tits before, but he never realised it would feel so good to have someone do it to him.

“Shit, Gundham.” He ground his hips down into Gundham’s. Gundham hummed in response, his deep voice resonating through Soda’s chest as he switched his attention to his other nipple.

Soda started grinding in earnest, enjoying the way he could feel Gundham’s breath catch against his skin. He reached down to free his cock from his shorts, then moved to do the same for Gundham. He couldn’t really see with Gundham still mouthing at his chest, so he did a bit of feeling around first instead. He traced Gundham’s abs with his fingers and used them as a guide down to Gundham’s cock. God, he forgot how big it was. He rubbed it through his shorts before finally freeing it. He couldn’t help it, he pushed Gundham back a bit so he could see his cock properly.

No fucking wonder he had sucked Gundham off in the beach house. His cock was just so… appetizing. He could literally feel himself salivating at the sight of it. He remembered how thick and warm and heavy it had been in his mouth last time. He wanted that again. He wanted it and he wondered if it would feel just as good in his ass.

His dick twitched but his mind froze. He probably wasn’t ready for that.

Yet.

Gundham was watching him. Waiting.

“What do you desire my consort?” There was that hand on his cheek again. He looked from Gundham’s cock to his face, his beautiful, flushed face. Gundham licked his lips. Soda followed the movement of his tongue with his eyes, and found himself focusing on Gundham’s mouth.

Fuck, he kind of wanted to kiss him.

Was that allowed? They had never really laid down any ground rules for their… relationship? No. Pact. That’s what Gundham had called it, and it was probably safest to just keep calling it that. Nice and vague. Obviously getting each other off was the main thing with their ‘pact’, they were just two bros helping each other relieve some tension, right? Did that make them fuck-buddies? Did people kiss their fuck-buddies? He’s pretty sure they did in movies, but then they always ended up falling in love, and he didn’t want that.

Right?

“Dearest consort?” Oops, guess he had been spacing out.

“Sorry, it’s just-” Probably best to just ask if they could kiss right? “I was um, t-thinking about your tongue? And like, uh y-your lips? Um- sorry.” or not. He had sucked this mans dick but somehow thinking about kissing him was turning him into a stuttering mess.

“Mmm, fret not, my consort, I understand.” Gundham gave him one of those soft smiles that did things to his heart and slid a hand down Soda’s neck, the back up, resting it on the back of his head.

Oh shit, okay. Here goes nothing then.

Gundham brought his other hand up to Soda’s chest and pushed him backwards. They ended up in the same position they had started in, only now with their cocks out and Soda’s legs spread wide. He wasn’t sure why they had to be in this position to kiss, but he wasn’t about to complain. He was all to aware how easy it would be for Gundham to fuck him in this position, and he was too distracted by how turned on that thought made him to notice Gundham was currently moving away from his lips.

Gundham was kissing his chest again, pausing to lick one of his nipples and give it a light suck before moving his head lower.

Oh.

No kissing then.

Soda felt… complicated. And complicated could wait.

The lips on his stomach reminded him he was about to get blown, and the hand wrapping around his dick reminded him that he was horny as hell.

Yeah, complicated could definitely wait.

Gundham was just barely pumping Soda’s dick. Teasing, Soda realised, getting him extra excited for the main event. Gundham kissed just below his belly button, then pulled away, making Soda whine. Gundham smiled and shushed him, pulling Soda’s swim trunks all the way off and moving back to where he had been, punctuating his action with another kiss below Soda’s belly button and a squeeze of his dick.

Gundham resumed his downward path, planting more kisses on Soda’s abdomen, each one getting just a little bit closer to his cock. Then, right when Soda thought there wasn’t anywhere else for Gundham to kiss, he lifted one of Soda’s legs and began to kiss along his thigh instead.

More teasing?

Soda couldn’t stand it.

He loved it.

He let out a frustrated moan. Gundham laughed and hummed into his thigh, then bit down gently. Soda couldn’t stop his hips from bucking a little, up into the barely moving hand Gundham still had on his dick. The friction felt good, so he did it again. Gundham used the hand he had lifted Soda’s leg with to hold his hip still and switched his attention to his other thigh. Soda couldn’t take it anymore.

“Gundham please! Stop teasing!”

“Were you not the one who said we should ‘slow things down’?” Gundham laughed against the spot where his thigh met his groin. Soda loved it and hated it.

“Y-yeah but c’mon, isn’t this a little too slow?”

“Mmm, then if that is your desire” Gundham finally put his mouth on Soda’s cock.

He kissed the tip gently before running his lips down the side and licking his way back up. Then he opened his mouth and sucked.

“Ah Gundham.” Soda couldn’t believe how good it felt. Gundham took more of his cock into his mouth and began to bob his head. Soda’s head shot back, and he felt like he was going to die from pleasure.

Gundham’s mouth was wet and warm and tight around his cock, and his tongue kept working along his shaft, making him feel things he could hardly describe. Soda knew he was moaning Gundham’s name, over and over, but he couldn’t stop. Every time Gundham pulled back he sucked hard on Soda’s cock and the only thing stopping Soda from thrusting up into Gundham’s mouth was that strong hand on his hip. He didn’t know where the hand on his thigh had gone, he couldn’t focus long enough to find it. He reached for the one on his hip and covered it with his own. Gundham moaned around his cock and laced his fingers through Soda’s, shifting so he could use his forearm to keep Soda’s hips pinned in place.

He was going to cum. He squeezed Gundham’s hand and looked down at him, trying to get his attention, trying to warn him in case he didn’t want Soda cumming in his mouth.

But the second he saw Gundham’s face, lips wrapped around his cock, eyes locked with his, and flushed the same way it had been when Soda had been sucking his cock, it was over. His hips were bucking against Gundham’s arm and he was cumming down his throat, his name on his lips. He could feel more than hear Gundham moaning around his cock, and the vibrations kept him at in ecstasy for just a little longer, before becoming to be to much for his sensitive cock.

“Gundham, please, it’s too much.” Gundham moaned again and pulled off his cock. He went back to Soda’s thighs, no longer gently kissing and teasing, but sucking and biting. Soda was vaguely aware of Gundham’s shoulder shifting rapidly.

“S-soda!” He squeezed Soda’s hand and buried his face into the crook of his thigh. He was so taken aback by Gundham actually calling him ‘Soda’ that it took him a moment to realise Gundham was cumming.

Oh, so that’s where that hand went.

Gundham kept his face pressed into Soda’s thigh for a moment, panting, before kissing it for a final time and crawling back up Soda’s body, releasing his hand only long enough to unhook his arm from around Soda’s leg before intertwining their fingers once again.

“You know I could have, uh, done that for you.” Wasn’t the whole idea of the pact thing to get each other off anyway?

“I’m sorry, my dear companion.” Gundham raised their clasped hands to his lips and kissed Soda’s fingers. “I simply could not resist. Between how beautiful you appeared in your ecstasy and sweetly you were calling my name-” Gundham sighed and smiled, looking into Soda’s eyes “I was bewitched.” He twisted their hands to kiss Soda’s knuckles without looking away.

It made Soda blush harder than anything else they had done.

That complicated feeling was coming back.

He never asked if it was alright to kiss him. He still hadn’t made Gundham scream.

Next Chapter

[asterekmess]

S3A - E3

Hiya, back with another episode of the rewatch. I am...not looking forward to this episode. *deep breath* here we go.

Read More’s save sanity

Hey, so I know this is a really heavy first bullet point...but isn’t anybody else uncomfortable with the image of a black boy running around out of his mind with fury and bloodlust and going after little...white kids? Am I reading too much into this? I know Cora’s running around too. I just...whatever, I’m just gonna keep my mouth shut.

Straight from way too heavy to way too light. So that girl dropped a big jar of fireflies, but they say that fireflies that actually glow aren’t native to California, which would mean these are part of the whole magic thing going on, and at the end of the whole firefly thing they get rid of all the fireflies. So...what if someone finds that jar and opens it?

...nevermind the jar opened up somehow...

Okay, listen, I have a petty and biased hatred for this moment with Scott. Like...is it so hard to say, “I had to get the kids he was chasing away from him?” It’s not like they don’t have time..they just stand there in silence for a while. I also hate the savior pose he strikes there with the kids clinging to him. Like, I get that it’s a very common trope. I still hate it. I use the anti-scott tag for a reason, let me be salty.

why te fuck does Scott FLOAT in the intro?

Lydia has seriously emptied an entire bottle of ibuprofen? She should be dead. Or at least at a hospital. She’s too smart not to know how dangerous it is to take ibuprofen (even the recommended dosage) for too long at a time.

Lydia...Lydia knows about werewolves now. Did no one tell her about this whole escape plan for the betas? She could’ve helped.

Cue the shitty SFX running. Y’all look ridiculous.

Man, come on. Are you seriously telling me that Derek never played hide and seek with his siblings? Like, they’re werewolves for fuck’s sake. Derek never did fake chases through the woods? He tracked PETER for christ’s sake, all the way across town. He was like yards behind him before he got shot that one time.

This show relies a lot on character’s losing time and just finding themselves places. Jackson losing time, Lydia losing time. Lydia losing time again, but in a new way. Later, it’ll be Stiles losing time. I’m just saying, it happens a lot.

It’s fucking august in California. Does it actually get that cold? Poor Lydia’s nose is always red cus she gets forced to wander around in the dark and freezing. I can see her goosebumps when she kneels next to the pool.

I know it’s gotta be hell on her voice, but I think it’s so interesting the way Lydia screams and how it has to jump around the chords before hitting that one note. I don’t know why I find that so interesting. Guess it just reminds me of a wolf howl. Seriously, look ‘em up. Weirdly similar. GO  Holland!

What do you mean the last memory that she had of her mother, Scott? You should’ve told her RIGHT THEN. Right off the bat. There was TONS of time between her getting bit and when she died. You should’ve told Allison right away. Fuck you, you had all of spring break!

god fucking damn it now I’m crying again. Erica, sweetie...Derek honey...

I’m trying to get past the tears to enjoy this romancey stuff, with the candles and the lil lamps, and the LOTR references. I’m really trying.

This is totally not what I should be thinking about while watching the two of them make out, but like, so does Caitlin not go to their school? She just sort of appears a couple times, but Stiles doesn’t seem to know her. Maybe she went to the same school as Heather?

don’t like bugs don’t like bugs ew ew ew ew

Hi cora!

Isaac! You’re somehow feeling better, even though you were apparently out of commission like an hour or two ago...wait huh?

I gotta say, okay, listen I just can’t help it. I know this is serious, but that lil smirk on Isaac’s face? I don’t think he looks smug, personally, I think he looks like he’s about to go play, go rolling around in the grass and leaves, playing with a pack member. He’s been alone for so long this summer, what with Jackson leaving. he’s had no wolves to play with (cus’ we know Derek’s a grump). As worried as he’s gotta be, I bet he’s having funnnnnn.

I..uh..Cora what sound is coming out of your mouth? That..that does not sound like a wolf. That sounds like a wild cat of some kind. Wolves don’t make that screechy noise. They bark and growl, like the sound that came just before. That doesn’t even sound like a roar. Who gave you cheetah sounds?? You’re canine, not feline. Come on they did SO WELL with Derek’s sounds-- No. NO Do not tell me they gave Cora cat sounds cus she’s a chick. I’m gonna fight someone. (For those of you interested, if you scroll to the bottom of this webpage, you can listen to wolf growl snippets and they’re such good quality (I think the bark snippet is broken tho). Listen to those whimpers and whines too, fucking fascinating. I love wolves. Such beautiful animals.)

Cora with Isaac and Scott attacking her and growling at her: “Fuck you, I’ll bite you!” Cora with Derek just growling at her: “BYE bro!”

Stiles, honey! I missed you! Literally, just the sound of your voice makes me feel better.

Scott, Seriously, Derek just said you haven’t tracked either of them anywhere near the pool. You’ve both been following them all night! Yeah, they’re dangerous, but they couldn’t get to the pool and back in time to fight you! I”M GONNA SMACK YOU. DOn’t use that fucking patronizing tone of voice when Derek is TELLING YOU FACTS.

OUR fault? OUR FAULT? I’m gonna fucking *kicks a chair and storms off, grumbling* *Spins around, cus fuck it i’m gonna yell. it’s my post.* NONE OF THIS is DEREK”S FAULT. NOne of this is ISAAC’S FAULT. Fuck dude, I’ll even say that it’s not Scott’s fault! If it’s anyone other than the Alphas’ fault, it’s Allison’s, but tbf she thought she was helping.

DEREK SHUT YOUR PRETTY MOUTH. I swear to god.

ARE YOU FUCKING JOKING? DEREK WOULD NEVER SUGGEST MURDERING BOYD AND CORA. NEVER. He thought Cora was fucking dead and he just found out she’s alive! HE WOULD NEVER. NEVER. FUCK YOU. FUCK EVERYTHING. *Throws a plate* YOU KNOW YOU ONLY FUCKING WROTE IT SO THAT YOU COULD SHOW OFF SCOOT MCFUCKFACE’S SUDDEN FLIP IN MORALITY BY HAVING HIM SAY THAT “KILLING ISN’T THE RIGHT THING TO DO” OH REALLY Scott? REALLY? Killing is bad? YOU DIDN’T THINK SO WHEN YOU SPENT MONTHS attempting to commit PREMEDITATED MURDER of a GUY WHO WAS ALREADY DYING. MONTHS. Scott. FUCK YOU. FUCK THIS SHOW. 13 minutes in and I’m already about to chuck my laptop across the room. MY CAT WON’T EVEN CUDDLE ME ANYMORE I’M SO ANGRY.

And now I’m really fucking sad, cus’ I hate watching this poor girl get told she’s just hallucinating.

WHY does everyone go shopping at fucking 8 pm in Beacon Hills? What...Chris you don’t even have a day job.

I don’t...I don’t understand this scene with Isaac. Like..what exactly are they trying to imply? That he thinks she’s hot? All he’s seen is her raging around with fangs free and glowing eyes. And yeah, some people definitely think that’s hot. But like...that’s just so...what? I choose to read this scene as him just wondering about Derek’s home life. Like, “Since when do you have siblings? Why don’t you tell me these things? I have an aunt?”

WHAT DO YOU mean “Your world?” CHRIS YOU GREW UP AS A HUNTER. THIS IS YOUR WORLD TOO. He was YOUR dad. You’ve been a part of this WAY longer than Scott! Don’t blame the werewolves for ruining your life! THAT WAS YOUR DAD and YOUR STUPID HUNTER CODE’S FAULT.

OKay, listen, I have so many issues with this I need a therapist to mediate my conversations with it. FUCK YOU TW for bringing in Chris. I dont’ give a fuck if he’s experienced or trying to redeem himself. He is a HUNTER he has Slaughtered Derek’s kind for his entire life. He may want to do the right thing, but the right thing definitely doesn’t involved him Standing in front of Derek and forcing him to listen to hunter PROPAGANDA BULLSHIT. I’M SO FUCKING MAD. This was so inappropriate, holy shit. SO far beyond okay. Even the CONCEPT that werewolves wouldn’t be as good at tracking other werewolves as hunters are is fucking stupid. You said it yourself, Chris they can follow scent up to TWO MILES AWAY. Wolves can track their prey for weeks without losing the scent. Just because Isaac stepped on some footprints doesn’t mean he’s incapable of finding them. And what’s all this shit about them “Being able to rely on their human half”? NO? First off, minor detail. Werewolves aren’t half wolf, half human, dumbass. They’re all werewolf. AND The show has said like Ten TIMES that they can’t access their human form/the thought processes they would normally have during a full moon without an anchor, and Boyd and Cora are effectively anchorless on this moon. This is just utter bullshit and I’m so goddamn angry I don’t even know how to process it. “If you’re not trained like me you have no idea this print is Boyd’s” YEAH THEY DO. THEY CAN LITERALLY SMELL IT.  DEREK ALREADY IDENTIFIED THE TRACKS. FUCK you.

ALSO. Getting REAL SICk of people slicing their wrists every time they need a little blood for a ritual or for bait. YOU CUT THE MEAT of the arm. ON THE BACK. WHERE YOU WON”T HIT a VEIN. DUMBASSES.

WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK DO YOU MEAN NINE YEARS DEREK? YOU’D BETTER MEAN CORA WAS NINE YEARS OLD, CUS’ THE FIRE WAS SIX YEARS AGO. and what do you mean you don’t have a lock on her scent? you’ve been following it just fine all night! Wolves remember human scents decades later.

Booooo, i hate the entire concept of wolves going mad on a full moon. It’s lazy and boring. Wolves are not vicious animals, they’re shy as fuck. THey don’t attack without reason. Werewolves should be the same. Full moon’s enhance their wolfishness, so it should make them MORE SHY. The moon should enhance whatever they feel, rather than just making them mindlessly aggressive.

“Primal apex Predatory satisfaction”? seriously? Shut the FUCK up Chris, I’m really fucking sick of your hunter bedtime stories.

....i hate this woman.

Casual reminder that Isaac wouldn’t suggest Killing boyd. Ever. I fucking hate these writers.

yeah yeah, running scene. blah blah blah.

See, I never really understood those fics where Peter just refuses to give anyone any info. He tells Derek what’s up constantly. He didn’t lie or hold anything back when he helped Derek figure out what was up with Jackson or how Jackson needed Lydia to be cured. He walks right up to Derek and says “Hey, so those Alphas clearly want you to join them and that means they’re trying to make you kill your own pack” Peter helps Derek all the time. He’s just a dick while he does it.

Look, I love this moment with Peter, his “Let Scott be the hero of his morally black and white world. You and I, we live in shades of gray” lines are so good, and they speak so much to his character and personality. And he’s right. But I hate that they built the scene around Derek planning to kill his own pack, and following Scott around doing as he asks. I just hate what they do to Derek here.

The dog whistles suddenly have no effect on their hearing? Love it.

Take a second to bring up a plotline you won’t explain for ages. I vibe with that, so long as it is eventually explained.

OOh, suddenly BHHS has a football field?

Not gonna cry, not gonna cry. FUCK I’m crying again.

I just...dude I’m over here trying not to completely lose my shit and cry like a baby, and Stiles is in the middle of panicking and losing his oldest friend and he still puts the dots together. Like. Jesus christ this boy.

NOW Derek? You choose NOW to take Every Single Step down the stairs? JUMP.

...what is this a cartoon? Glowing eyes in the dark? one too many sets? Yeah, yeah, I get it, they’re supposed to look like fireflies.

Why did you stop to look at each other after blasting them? Just go.

OH, yeah, of course Scott has to be the one to hear the extra heartbeat. Scott. Not Derek. Not the ALpha who’s senses are heightened above the a Beta’s. Not DEREK the ALPHA who has a PACK, which makes his senses even stronger that that. No. Scott. The omega. Because he’s like an inch closer to the door. Yah. Sure. That makes sense. SUre.

Dude I wish my high school had that much backup supplies free for the teacher’s to grab. Also, I hate this woman.

WHy were the lights off in the boiler room if she was in the back grabbing stuff? That..what?

OH. I forgot, so Caitlin’s out of high school? She’s...what, 18? 19? Okay, fine, I’ll take that.

Oh stop faking Jennifer, fuck you.

Crying again. dont’ mind me. This is Derek. Not choosing to kill his beta or his long lost sister. Choosing to die himself instead. THAT is Derek (it’s self-sacrificing and it’s because he gives his own life no worth, but it’s still him.)

HOW IS IT DAWN? THAT WOULD BE like 6 HOURS of standing around! Or did the sun not set until like 10 pm? Hm? This show has no concept of time, and werewolves are very time oriented. Someone take away the show from the writers. They’ve lost their privileges.

I hate this. I hate that Isaac shouts for Scott. Not Derek. That’s just so fucking dumb. I’m so tired of it. I’m just so fucking sick of it.

I don’t even wanna look at this. I hate this woman so much.

YOU REALIZE that the third Virgin was Taken. The third virgin is DEAD. the sacrifices have been made, and now Jennifer has control over people. This is where she starts controlling Derek. Right Fucking Here. He loses his agency the moment they touch, if not the moment they make eye contact or he gets in range. I hate it. I HATE IT.

BOOM. Episode three, and Stiles already has the villain after next figured out. He’s past the Alphas now. 

Final Thoughts: I’m angry, I’m tired, and I honestly got very little joy or interest out of this whole episode. I hate what this show did to werewolves and how much insane Scott glorification there is and how every little thing HAS to be about Scott. Scott’s relationship with Chris. Scott saving the kids. Scott’s the one Isaac calls for. Scott’s the one who hears the heartbeats. I get that he’s the main character. I also hate that he’s the main character. It’s just so sad and pathetic and boring and just....ugh. I’m going to bed. I will try for another episode or two tomorrow.

(I promise I’m okay. Just go listen to the wolf howls for me in that link, huh? Listen to those beauties and imagine how amazing a wolf show could have been.)

[cogneartive]

yes umm csny zoomer au masterpost

so uhh me and @starrechords made a thing woohoo and here is stuff we don’t want to forget and yeah

Croz is a rich kid skater boy. The weed dealer of the school. He’s got a cool house but also parents problems </3. He’s 17-18 and got held back a grade.

He has that little beginner stache to try and hide his baby face that makes him look 12

He’s also really dumb cus he thinks England is in America and stuff like that. Actually he believes that America is the only country in the world and that everyone speaks english jshdhhsh

Graham is an exchange student from England who moves in with David - into his room. He’s in the same year as David and is 17

David threw a fit when he found out that Graham was moving in with him so he locked the door to his room and didn’t come out until a week later. He tapes a line between his side and Graham’s side of the room but he ends up with having to leave by the window because Graham got the window.

He’s the brains of the gang except he doesn’t have brains, only common sense. But sometimes that doesn’t work either

At first they do not like each other but now they pretend to be a couple AND hate each other! Like a straight couple. Often they’re like “Gn luv x” and “Gn babe 😘” and wonder why people think they’re gay

Stephen is an army kid. He’s short (like,,, under 5 ft probably 4’9) and just a little angry boy,,, he’s uhh 14 You could pick him up - which happens to him often and makes him mad. He can speak spanish fluently and he’s just got a lot of built-rage within him

He’s also super talented ok god bless him

He’s self-concious of his teeth and height lol

OH and he’s somehow really innocent?? he’s like “neil why can’t we shower together” while also smoking a pack a aday

And then there’s Neil who’s Stephen’s bff. 13 years old and sad. They met briefly in Elementary before Stephen moved away. Stephen was one of those weird kids who thought that he was some kind of magical creature and Neil was just sad. Also he hs a tumblr acc which he tells nobody about. He refuses any other form of social media.

He watches stranger things

They meet again in highschool. Neil was crying in the bathroom when Stephen came in and asked for a pack of cigs. They were bffs ever since and they protect each other despite hating each other’s guts. Mostly becaus they are socially awkaward that they can’t make any other friends

My man Neil has diabetes and epilepsy and yeah but Stephen doesn’t even know who dis girl eppie lepsie is

Stephen and Neil write Nasby fics slowburn enemies to lovers and show it to Graham and Croz

Somehow David and Graham end up being their parents and will throw you in gay baby jail if you hurt their little baby freshies

David and Graham once went to England together to visit Graham’s parents and David proceeded to embarass Graham in front of his friends and steal and his weird childhood photos

Nobody knows if Neil has a home and parents. They just assume he’s an orphan until he actually tells them (which doesn’t happen in along time)

Damn actually now that i think of it i think all of their parents (except neil who has none) would gladly show them their babies pics and home videos,, baby croz pics leaked,,,,

and that’s all i remember gn

[floorbed]

pen playlist tiem. brain full of thoughts i think this is my longest playlist ever . lyrics and annotation and sections under the cut for funsies heh

home

me and my husband - mitski

and i am the idiot with a painted face / in the corner taking up space / but when he walks in i am loved / i am loved / me and my husband we’re doing better / it’s always been just him and me together / so i bet all i have on that furrowed brow / and at least in this lifetime we’re sticking together

turf war - momma

the kings and queens are on the court / they’re sitting pretty on the floor

this charming man - the smiths

a jumped up pantry boy / who never knew his place / he said return the ring / he knows so much about these things / he knows so much about these things

utopia - cowgirl clue

living in a great utopia is quite nice is quite nice / living in a great utopia you pay the price you pay the price / living in a great utopia roll the dice kiss goodbye / living the dream living the dream living the dream

bubblegum bitch - marina and the diamonds

got a figure like a pin up got a figure like a doll / don’t care if you think i’m dumb i don’t care at all / candy bear sweetie pie wanna be adored / i’m the girl you’d die for / i’ll chew you up and spit you out / cus that’s what young love is all about

…

oh dear diary, i met a boy

(do the) act like you never met me - tv girl

the hidden kisses / the clumsy conspiratory glance / but i don’t really mind it no / i always liked the way you danced

it will come back - hozier

don’t give it a hand / offer it a soul / honey make this easy / leave it to the land / this is what it knows / honey that’s how it sleeps / don’t let it in with no intention to keep it / jesus christ don’t be kind to it / honey don’t feed it it will come back

real men - mitski

little boys cry and look around for comfort and / always get what they want

song against sex - neutral milk hotel

and he said oh boy you are so pretty / enough to wrap tight in rice paper string / and when i finally kissed him / the whole world began to ring / lost like a bell that’s tipping over / with two cracks along both sides / and i knew the world was over / so i took a look outside

(running away before the trial and seeing the world for the first time vibes!)

exile, early party

april and the phantom - animal collective

i’m sorry april / but you’ll be fine till then / i’m the phantom / i’m the phantom / i’m the phantom

(Pens First Summoning Dot Mp3)

insects are all around us - money mark

(from pens very first introduction in session 1 when he was walking in the woods and was described like looking like a lil insect)

bug - alex g

and when you go there / you stay there / bug in the crosshair / you stay there

king of carrot flowers pt 2 & 3 - neutral milk hotel

i love you jesus christ / jesus christ i love you yes i do

you’ll miss me when i’m not around - grimes

if you don’t bleed then you don’t die / cross my heart and hope to fly / if you like it then you’ll make it out alive / if they could see me now / smiling six feet underground / i’ll tie my feet to rocks and drown / you’ll miss me when i’m not around

rich bitch juice (HANA remix) - alice longyu gao

don’t you dare talk to me / bitch

fool - moonbounce

you could’ve let me think im right / i could’ve tried to keep my cool / i could’ve followed my own rules / i could’ve used you like a tool / i could’ve played a fucking fool

isle

hooped earrings - the front bottoms 

and you have gotta do this now or you can never come home again / yeah you have gotta do this now or you can never come home again / and there are not so many options / there’s not so many ways that this could possibly end / so you have gotta do this now or you can never come home again

wicked boy - alex g 

real men walk / on the outside / on the outside / on the outside / and they take it for the team

black hair - alex g

it’s not what you are / it’s just what you did / don’t hang up the phone / i love you to death / eternal return / eternal return / eternal return / eternal return 

rabbit heart - florence & the machine

this is a gift it comes with a price / who is the lamb and who is the knife / when minas is king and he holds me so tight / and turns me to gold in the sunlight

oh ana - mother mother

i’ll fake god / i’ll fake god / i’ll fake god / i’ll fake god today / hop up on a cloud and watch the world decay

i am my own hell - teen suicide

i’m learning all kinds of tricks / how to drain the blood from my face

brick - alex g

i know that you’re lying / you think i don’t but i always fucking do

come back - alex g

made my promise and i’m keeping it for kicks / yeah i really didn’t think that it would stain like this / yeah i really didn’t think that it would stain like this

river of the night 

trick - alex g

(this is what his Contract Signing Dream sounded like that’s all)

call this # now - the garden

call this number now / if you wanna check it out / well just do yourself a favor and just call this number now / call this number now 

long way down - teen suicide

you’re a spoiled kid who’s never gonna get / anything that you deserve / i know this life’s gonna be just fine / but with any luck you know the next one’s gonna hurt

business man - mother mother

talkin bout the business man / devil with a sunday plan / buddy with a stupid laugh / just talkin bout the business man / pretty little baby / pretty little monster / went to the good school / left with honors

king rat - modest mouse

deep water / deep water / senseless denial / i went down like a rag doll rat of a child

oh lucky lucky lucky lucky me again / i said it looks like i’ve got to use my feet again / well i just spent my last one hundred dollars / god i’ll pay my bill again 

after dying and being saved

new gods - grimes

hands reaching out to new gods / you can’t give me what i want / but what do i know? / i wanna i wanna i wanna let go / i wear black eyeliner / black attire yeah / so take me higher and higher and higher

…

only brand new gods can save me

home again - carole king

sometimes i wonder if i’m ever gonna make it home again / it’s so far and out of sight / i really need someone to talk to and nobody else / knows how to comfort me tonight / snow is cold rain is wet / chills my soul through the marrow / i won’t be happy till i see you alone again / till i’m home again and feeling right

miracle - paramore

and have i told you / i’m not going / cuz i’ve been waiting for a miracle / and i’m not leaving / i won’t let you / let you give up on a miracle / when it might save you

(Pen And Ori. Pen Telling Ori He’s Not Going To Stay At The Castle [Bc He Couldnt Imagine Not Seeing Her Everyday.] Pens Naive Optimism + His Want T.o Make Her Feel Better Abt The Future and The World And Everything)

dinner and diatribes - hozier

i knew it from the first look of / the look of mischief in your eyes / friends are a fate that befell me / head is the talking type / i’d suffer hell if you’d tell me / what you’d do to me tonight

(Pen And Juni Anthem)

funny - the scary jokes

and i laughed and i laughed and i gasped and i cried / and i tried not to think of my love as a punchline / but i knew the truth would catch up with me sometime / and oh what a funny joke am i

(pen crying on the bed in castle ravenloft dot mp3)

pretty funny - dogfight (lindsay mendez)

isn’t it funny?  isn’t it funny?  aren’t you funny? / pathetically naive and desperate to believe you could always find some good / well you misunderstood or you’ve been dreaming / cus people are just cruel

(pen crying on the bed in castle ravenloft dot mp3 Part 2)

until it goes - john congleton

oh my vengeance i swear will be biblical

…

my bride my bride how do i silence / this restlessness inside me / inside i see it kneeling through keyholes / my bride i need no absolution / on this day of my execution / just stay with me stay with me stay with me stay with me until the horror goes

(abandonment issues pen be like *stay with me stay with me stay with me stay with me noises*. also one day i want pen to hurt everyone who has severely fucked with him and thats all [m****** and d******])

beautiful - carole king

you’ve got to get up every morning / with a smile on your face / and show the world all the love in your heart / then people gonna treat you better / youre gonna find yes you will / that you’re beautiful as you feel

don’t ask me to explain - of montreal

i’d like to marry all of my close friends / live in a big house together by an angry sea / am i the devil’s marbles don’t move on without me / who will be watching my body when i sleep / who will i believe in

(Pen Be Like I Love Ori And Juni And Alba And That Is My Disease. )

100 years - florence welch

i believe in you /and in our hearts we know the truth / and i believe in love / even the darker it gets the more i do / you try and fill us with your hate and we will shine a light / and the days will become endless / and never turn to night

...

a hundred arms / a hundred years / you can always find me here / and lord don’t let me break this / let me hold it lightly / give me arms to pray with / instead of ones that hold too tightly 

[jcmorgenstern]

"#hey where's the fic where chaotic bisexuals jace and clary are in a relationship with clary's estranged brother's foster mom#literally lease my crops are DYING i NEED cougar lilith i NEED#(mundane AU 20k rated M or E) #im gonna have to write it myself arent i" // perhaps Lilith is beside herself over Jonathan leaving, and this is a chance to feel closer to him through people important to him. perhaps I love this idea.

tags from this post (thank you anon!!! i went a little fucking crazy and wrote this which is entirely unedited.....rip in pieces)

It had been a year and a half since she had seen Jonathan last. He had been hers in all the ways that mattered (but never flesh and blood) until he wasn’t, a stabilizing weight by her side cut loose. Sudden as that, she was in freefall. A prestigious editorship at a major fashion magazine turned to ball and chain, the envied life of a socialite the vanity of a mere woman, a luxurious New York loft to the dreaded empty nest. At her third strong drink in an evening, she could feel the thin coat of dust layering her womb, a mausoleum. Her son and one frivolous argument too many did what scores of small men had tried and failed to do.

On balance, she supposed she ought to proud it took her this long for the bland Promethean cycle of waking-working-talking-eating-sleeping-repeat to wear her down, and ashamed she gave in at all. A good mother, she knew, would never be caught where she is now--standing out in an ill-fitting tinsel dress she wouldn’t have been caught dead in two years ago, avoiding the eyes of men too young for her (beneath her) in favor of one in particular.

I only want to look, she’d told herself as she’d scrabbled at the bottom of her purse (Himalaya Birkin, years out of style, a metaphor dangling in crocodile skin off her arm) for her keys. Just to see. Get close. Watch.

It had been complete coincidence that she’d found out about the art exhibit in the first place. An invite to a wretched student affair from a once-great school grasping for relevance in the cynical age of the internet stuffed in with her morning mail delivery, ordinarily not worth a second more of her attention than it took to sweep it into the trash. The name was what caught her attention, an instinctive flash in the pan--Fairchild.

He didn’t go by Fairchild, of course. He was a man, and why would a man wear anything but the name of another man? At the threshold of adulthood, Jonathan shed the vile name of the woman who had given him up in favor of a ghost of a father. Her own, she realized now, had never been in the running. And so he called himself Morgenstern, an ugly name sealing him off from her like foreign territory. Morgenstern had a terrible finality to it.

She didn’t answer a single email or call the rest of the morning, snapping at any EA foolhardy enough to raise a word against her. By noon, she knew the girl and her boyfriend from smiling model pictures on Instagram, incomplete snippets of life from Facebook and Twitter. The wordless temptation finally had a face and a name and an achingly familiar mane of red hair. Fairchild was the name of his sister by blood, the girl for whom his birth mother had scraped together enough love to keep.

She picked the weaker link first--the blond. Men gave themselves away more easily than women, basking in every oozing ounce of attention. She took his measure in-between smiles and small conversations, observing him over the shoulders of conversational partners she took no interest in. Well-built, handsome, artfully disarranged hair, a James Dean sort of affable. The type girls wished for long after he’d moved on from her entirely. She could see him in the glossy pages of a fashion magazine and allowed herself to hate him, dip the fashionable one syllable of his white-hipster name in poison. Jace.

The second hour she allowed herself closer, indulged in scratching the surface. Uncomfortable in worn jeans and leather jacket surrounded by talk of Bosch, Mondrian, Xiaodong, he was here for his girlfriend, treading water in the art world to lend her a familiar face. He flirted with the girl at the bar more out of obligation than interest, reading off his come here often? lines stiff and atonal. By the time she drifted up beside him at the bar, she had given him enough nuance she could have convinced herself to like him.

“I don’t suppose you could get me one of those?”

It came out easy, like slipping into clothes from another life. Her first job as waitress faking pretty rouged smiles through propositions and comments and ass-pinches, or her first magazine internship weathering the same. He was drinking beer, and she couldn’t stand beer, but men had a peculiar weakness for women who drank their own kinds of drink.

He turned, bemusement turning to something else as she deliberately met his gaze. He was lovely up close, and all in a dizzying rush she felt the barest spark of that indescribable satisfaction she’d been chasing, found the ghost of Jonathan’s angular features in the broader contours of his face. His too-polite smile broke the spell. “I’d love to, but I don’t think my girlfriend would like that very much.”

The waitress smile slipped off. Put him in his place. “It just seems you’re the only one who can get any service around here.”

His smile turned instantly sheepish. “Oh, uh--sorry.” A quick word with the bartender, and soon she had her very own mug of alcoholic piss. He visibly cast about for a line of conversation, and it raised her ire that she couldn’t tell if he did it out of flirtation or pity. “Are you with the gallery?”

“Oh, no. I’m with Poise magazine. We like to browse local shows for rising talent. Keeps us fresh.” She gave a half-flicker of lash at fresh. The cover story was self-indulgent--the answer she gave only mattered to herself. She wasn’t searching for her son where she knew he wouldn’t be found. The flirtation was by rote. “Are you an artist? We’re always doing submission intake.”

It was an old and familiar lie. General licensure was the best any hopeful would get without prior connections.

“Me? No way.” He was warming up to her, rising to her charm like a snake from a basket. How old was he? He couldn’t even be half her age. “Clar--my girlfriend, she’s the artist. I’m here for her.”

For her, not with her. There was a distinction. She cued up the smile she used for interviews. “That’s lovely. What kind of artist?”

“A painter.” For a second, Jace’s expression was almost shy. “She landed the art school gig, but her mom taught her. It’s kind of her last connection to her, you know? Painting keeps her mom alive.”

The enormity of his statement quavered between them like a note from a tuning fork struck on an edge. She felt her expression flicker and melt like wax--Jocelyn was dead. Was it cancer, murder, a hit-and-run? Half-thoughts spooled out in her imagination, part vindictive and part lurid. Did he know? Did he think of her the day he learned she was dead, wish for her to put her arms around him and let him cry into her? She savored the imaginary heat of his short, hitched exhales on her neck, the precious hot droplets of salt falling on her skin.

“Oh god, I’m sorry, I’m an ass,” Jace was babbling. “Did you--have you lost a parent too?”

For a moment, she could have laughed at him. Her father was buried, her mother entombed in a home somewhere conveniently out of mind. With a strange, electric jolt she realized he had assigned her fallen expression to the closest thing at hand, unbiased by that all-encompassing occupation: mother. A mother must have lost a child; a person could lose a parent a lover or a friend. It had been so very long since she’d been seen as anything but.

“Jace! JaceJaceJace--there you are!”

A mess of red-gold curls bounded by her to plant a messy wet kiss to Jace’s cheek. They kissed, young dewy-skinned and unabashed, and she watched with a feeling unlike Jonathan creeping on the edge of her thoughts. Jace broke away first, pulling her back into conversation. “This is, uh, Clary. Clary, this is--” he broke off, embarrassed.

Clary spluttered in the middle of knocking back the last of a sidecar, whipping around to stare at her with something wide-eyed and akin to wonder. “Don’t you--? Don’t you know who she is? Editor at Poise? The Lilith?”

“Not exactly,” Jace admitted.

Clary paid him no mind, cocktail glass immediately moored at the bar. She looked up at her and once she saw past the stars winking in the girl’s eyes, she could see they were the same soft hazel as her brother’s. Clary was drunk, and brimming with it from her ugly artistic blouse to her blunt art-student-lesbian bangs to the untamed curl of her hair. “It’s really you,” she gushed. “I’ve been following your blog forever, and your twitter--I’m being so embarrassing, aren’t I? Can I...can I have a picture?”

Lilith disliked her with a magnetism that pulled the girl in close, letting Clary slip an arm around her waist and hold up a phone too big for her small, delicate-boned hands. In the phone’s screen she could see herself frozen in real time, her red lips lifting in a waxen smile. Next to the peach-fuzz facewash-clean of Clary’s skin, her fashionable makeup and Oscar de la Renta dress looked old and severe, black and gold metals oozing out of her like a snake shedding skin.

“You were my first-ever crush,” Clary was saying with tipsy candor, and with a strange bump Lilith realized Clary was talking to her, not her boyfriend. Her words rushed out in a graceless rush, difficult to make out over the music and wordless chatter drowning her in a dull roar. “I’d spend hours cutting out your photoshoots from magazines, making collages--it drove mom crazy, all those internalized gender roles and whatever. She realized later I just thought you were really hot.”

The full blushing import of Clary’s words hit them all at once and Clary flushed a blotchy pink all the way to the roots of her hair and touched her free hand to her cheek. “Oh my god, I’m fucking drunk.”

Lilith became suddenly aware her hand was still on Clary’s warm waist, trapped under her arm. This was all unscripted, unrehearsed; she felt as flustered as Clary looked, thrown off by the noise and the heat and the alcohol she hadn’t even drank. She was wearing perfume, something cheap and cloying, and in a strange moment Lilith could imagine Clary spread out over a glossy page, slim peachy legs and delicate collarbones bold and daring out from under the heavy drape of a dark dress.

She reached for something cutting to take the girl down to size, but what came out instead was a genteel, “That’s very flattering.”

Clary gave her a pinched little smile in return, the very pink tip of her tongue darting over her bottom lip, and her blush did not abate. Lilith looked to Jace, who was looking between them with something uncertain in his eyes.

A strange, smouldering sensation had risen in her chest, thick and suffocating as a plume of smoke. Her hand did not so much as tremble when she raised a hand to tuck away a stray curl, the color so much lighter when it caught the light. Clary’s face swam before her eyes, raw and pink from crying over her dead mother.

“You’re very sweet,” she said, and there was a husky quality to her voice that only came on with one or two glasses of red wine. Her heart was pounding out a dull, insistent throb rising in time with a painful lump in her throat.

Her phone vibrated in her bag, breaking the spell with a start. She pulled away to relieve the sudden alcoholic flush and dug into her bag with utter disregard for her nails, feeling for the familiar cool rectangle of her phone. When at last she managed to disentangle herself citing creative emergencies needing her immediate attention and a whole host of familiar excuses, it was only then she realized on habit she’d given Clary her card.

The taxi ride back to her apartment was blissfully silent, dark except for the rising crests of light along the near-silent streets. Her own face hovered ghostly in the window, close enough to touch. Her fingertips met glass with a flash of red-gold and her eyes seared with a sudden heat, the ache in her sternum widening.

Her thoughts lingered on him as she greeted the front desk clerk, beside her in physical form in the elevator, hovering at the margins like a melancholy raincloud as she launched into her nighttime routine. Squalane cleanser to remove makeup, wash face before an exfoliant chemical blend, a layer of hydralaunic acid and then niacinamide to hydrate, an retinol under-eye cream to top it all off. The ritual grip of her thoughts relinquished only once she’d folded herself under the covers in her nightclothes, receding as she fell into the uneasy lull of sleep.

This time, the thought of him was mixed with traces of red and gold.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 039: Deku VS Todoroki 2 - Flashback Boogaloo

Previously on BnHA: Todoroki and Izuku began their one on one! Todoroki blasted ice attacks at Deku and Deku broke up each one with mini One for All finger smashes. Todoroki’s right side slowly froze up, but meanwhile Deku went through all five fingers on his right hand and then proceeded to blow up his entire fucking left arm. You’d think this would have been the end of it, but no, this motherfucker then went and busted out another smash through his already-mangled right hand. Rather than going into shock at this point like a normal person, Deku fucking screamed at Todoroki to use his full power, because apparently he wants to die in the most spectacular way possible. I don’t even know.

Today on BnHA: Everyone just sits back and watches while Deku destroys his own body in his crazed attempts to get Shouto to use his left side. It’s not fun. Then Shouto starts having flashbacks to his horrifying past. This is even less fun. Basically no one is having a good time here. But eventually something in Shouto clicks when Deku yells at him that his power is his own. And then Shouto finally fires up his left side. So that part at least is fun, but the rest of it has me needing some damn blood pressure medication you guys.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 91 now, so any ETAs will reflect that.)

oh my god literally the first panel is a baby Shouto POV of his mom

I don’t know if I’m ready for this chapter guys

“when did I forget what came after that?” oh my god. is it so bad his mind blocked the memory for self-preservation reasons or something

Todoroki is really mad that Deku would suggest something so absurd as him using his full power. I assume Deku is going to tell him something similar to the “you’re not your dad” thing that he already said to Endeavor earlier

seriously Shouto, you can use your full power and still piss your dad off

now he’s really mad and he’s charging right at Deku

that’s maybe not the best plan

meanwhile Bakugou is watching intently and it’s so cute I have to post the panel

you go ahead and take your notes kiddo. you’re gonna need ‘em if you end up having to battle him yourself

now that they’re up close Deku is using the microwave trick again!

BUT HE’S STILL USING HIS RIGHT ARM. WHAT GOOD IS THE MICROWAVE TRICK IF THE ARM’S ALREADY FUCKED UP

PLEASE DON’T PUNCH HIM WITH A CLOSED FIST WITH YOUR BROKEN HAND, I MAY ACTUALLY FAINT OH MY GOD

I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW DEKU!!!!!!

has Horikoshi ever broken any of his bones?!! COME BACK AND WRITE THIS SCENE AGAIN AFTER YOU’VE BROKEN A BONE, ASSHOLE. COME BACK AND TELL ME THAT HE CAN FUCKING DO THAT AND NOT FALL DOWN SOBBING AFTERWARDS

the only possible explanation I can come up with is that he’s somehow completely hopped up on the adrenaline of it all and isn’t actually feeling the full pain just yet

but he SHOULD be, because that’s the body’s way of telling him, “DON’T FUCKING PUNCH ANYONE WITH THIS HAND YOU COLOSSALLY STUPID FUCK!!!”

anyway, Todoroki is FLYING ACROSS THE RING, but DEKU SHOULD BE FUCKING DEAD AND NOW I’M JUST MAD, DAMN IT

whoever wins this match has to fight either Shiozaki or Iida next, depending on who wins their match (probably Iida). and then after that, either Bakugou or Tokoyami (probably Bakugou). but I don’t know if either of these guys will actually be up for that at this rate

I can’t believe it, but Todoroki actually doesn’t look too good. just use your stupid left side already, Shouto

JESUS CHRIST CAN WE GET AN ACTUAL RESPONSIBLE ADULT OUT HERE??? ANYONE?? AIZAWA????

he’s agreeing with my hypothesis that Deku is so hopped up on adrenaline that he’s not feeling the full pain of what he’s doing to his body. and he’s already done so much damage that it can’t all be fixed in a single healing session. that’s what I’ve been fucking saying

should they stop the match? ABSOLUTELY. will they stop the match?? FUCKING WHAT DO YOU THINK

fucking hell, even Aizawa and All Might are just watching in awed admiration

SUPERHEROES ARE THE FUCKING WORST

Deku’s gonna be in the hospital for a fucking month and ALL OF THIS IS ON YOU SADISTIC FUCKS

ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAIIIIINED

oh my god finally

YOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN ABLE TO MAKE A FIST IN THE FIRST PLACE. BUT OKAY. YEESHHH

now he’s... biting... his thumb...

aaand that’s another smash

this is fucking horrifying. I’m not enjoying this at all, not even gonna pretend. it’s just absurd to me at this point that they would let this keep dragging out. I hope this inspires a series of rule changes to future sports festivals to lessen the risk of children doing irreversible damage to their bodies all for the sake of a fucking exhibition match

Shouto asks why Deku is going this far and Deku says he’s “just trying to meet expectations”

All Might you need to sit down with this boy after this and explain where he’s supposed to draw the line in this regard. like, when you did the plus ultra thing? that was for a good cause! sacrificing yourself to save other people’s lives! but he’s just doing it because he has something to prove and it’s the dumbest fucking thing, ugh

sorry guys, I might be bitching about this the entire chapter if this keeps up

“I want to be a smiling, dependable, cool hero!” Deku fucking shrieks

then you might want to step back about twenty feet and take a good long look at what you’re doing so far to accomplish those goals, Deku. because right now, “smiling” and “dependable” are not the words that come to mind

OH MY GOD!!!

BABY SHOUTO WITH NO SCAR!!!

RED ALERT. GOT MY BOX OF TISSUES OUT. ICE CREAM IN THE FREEZER AND ASMR PLAYLIST CUED UP ON YOUTUBE IF I NEED SOMETHING TO CALM ME DOWN AFTER THIS SHIT

Deku says he can’t begin to imagine what Shouto’s experiences have been like or how fierce his determination must be, but...

oh my god more flashbacks oh my god oh my god

(ETA: adding this note a couple years after the fact to warn people reading these recaps for the first time that my initial reaction to the full Shouto backstory was kind of intense. I really blew up at Rei in particular because without getting into any detail, that scene hit close to home for me in regard to some experiences I had while growing up. so I kind of projected a bit without meaning to. anyway, please see here for the “part 2″ version of this post, and fwiw Rei is now one of my favorite characters.)

THIS CHAPTER IS MAKING ME SO FUCKING ANGRY I’M GONNA FUCKING HULK OUT. SHIT. FUCKING SHIT

SHOUTO’S SCREAMING AT DEKU TO SHUT UP AND I FUCKING AGREE. YOU JUST SAID YOURSELF THAT YOU DON’T KNOW THE HALF OF WHAT HE’S BEEN THROUGH AND NOW’S REALLY NOT THE TIME TO START FUCKING PREACHING AT HIM OVER WHETHER OR NOT HE’S SERIOUS ABOUT HIS GOAL

NOW BABY SHOUTO IS HUGGIN’ HIS MOM AND SAYING THAT HE HATES DADDY AND DOESN’T WANT TO BE LIKE HIM

BECAUSE HIS DADDY “BULLIES” HIS MOMMY OH MY GOD

HE KEEPS REPEATING THAT HE DOESN’T WANT TO BE LIKE THAT

WHY DID WE HAVE TO HAVE THIS STUPID FLASHBACK. I WANNA GO HOME

I KNOW IT’S MY FAULT!! I ASKED FOR ANGST!! I KNOW!! I’M SORRY! I NEVER LEARN SOBB

SHOUTO’S MOM IS PATTING HIS HEAD GENTLY

DEKU IS SCREAMING AT SHOUTO AGAIN. STOP SCREAMING AT HIM!!!

BABY SHOUTO IS LOOKING AT THE WINDOW AT SOME KIDS PLAYING

-- THOSE ARE HIS BROTHERS?????!

AND HIS DAD SAYS NOT TO LOOK AT THEM, “THEY BELONG TO A DIFFERENT WORLD THAN YOU”

JESUS CHRIST. DID ENDEAVOR JUST WAKE UP ONE DAY AND DECIDE TO BE THE WORST??? JUST LIKE, THE WORST EVER? SINCE HE COULDN’T BE THE BEST, HE DECIDED TO BE THE WORST?!

LIKE, IF I HAD A GUN WITH TWO BULLETS AND WAS TRAPPED IN A ROOM WITH ENDEAVOR, MINETA, AND THE SKYPE VILLAIN, I WOULD SHOOT ENDEAVOR TWICE AND THEN PISTOL WHIP HIS DYING ASS UNTIL IT STOPPED TWITCHING??

NOW SHOUTO IS WALKING BY THE KITCHEN AND IT LOOKS LIKE HE’S ALREADY CRYING FROM SOMETHING (ABUSE, PROBABLY!!) AND HE’S OVERHEARING HIS MOM TALKING ON THE PHONE AND SHE’S SAYING THAT SHE CAN’T TAKE IT AND SOMETIMES THE LOOKS AT SHOUTO AND HIS LEFT SIDE AND HATES WHAT SHE SEES

WHAT A FUCKING THING FOR YOUR CHILD TO OVERHEAR!! AND I SEE A KETTLE ON THE STOVE! SHOULD I BE PREPARING MYSELF TO PUNCH MY COMPUTER SCREEN

SHE SAYS SHE CAN’T RAISE HIM ANYMORE

HE’S LOOKING UP AT HER WITH WIDE EYES

SHE’S LOOKING AT HIM LIKE... I CAN’T EVEN DESCRIBE IT. I DON’T WANT TO DESCRIBE IT OR POST IT

AND THE NEXT PANEL AFTER THAT IS HIM WITH A BANDAGE OVER HIS LEFT EYE

I HOPE SHE FUCKING WENT TO JAIL FOR FUCKING LIFE. MAN, I DON’T EVEN CARE. I HAVE ALL THE SYMPATHY FOR HER, RIGHT UP UNTIL SHE (A) LEFT HERSELF AND SHOUTO IN THAT SITUATION RATHER THAN TRYING TO REMOVE HIM FROM IT, AND THEN (B) FUCKING MAIMED HER OWN FUCKING CHILD, WHO LITERALLY HAD NO ONE ELSE EXCEPT FOR HER

I HATE THIS!!! I HATE ALL OF THIS!!!! I HATE THAT I AGREE WITH ENDEAVOR’S DECISION! I HATE THAT SHE ENDED UP PAYING FOR HIS GARBAGE BEHAVIOR! AND I HATE THAT SHOUTO IS NOW STUCK WITH HIM ALL ALONE!

AND IT SEEMS LIKE SOMETHING IN SHOUTO JUST SNAPPED FROM THAT POINT ON AND HE BECAME DETERMINED TO DEFY HIM

BACK TO THE FIGHT OMG

DEKU IS GOING FULL SHOUNEN JESUS

OH MY GOD AND IT FLASHES BACK TO BABY SHOUTO AGAIN

AND HE’S WATCHING A VIDEO, AND IT’S AN INTERVIEW WITH FUCKING ALL MIGHT

HE SAYS QUIRKS ARE PASSED FROM PARENT TO CHILD, BUT IT’S NOT JUST THAT AND “ONE MUST RECOGNIZE AND APPRECIATE ONESELF”

FUUUUUUUUUUCK

HE LOOKS SO HAPPY AND RELIEVED AND IT LOOKS LIKE HE HAS THE SAME BABY BOY CRUSH ON ALL MIGHT THAT BABY DEKU HAD

I’M JUST SO MAD AND UPSET THAT THIS WOMAN COULD HURT THIS CHILD, KNOWING FULL WELL HOW DIFFERENT HE WAS FROM HIS FATHER, HOW MUCH HE DIDN’T WANT TO BE LIKE HIM, AND HOW MUCH THE MERE THOUGHT OF IT HURT HIM

OH MY GOD AND NOW PRESENT-DAY TODOROKI LOOKS LIKE HE WANTS TO CRY

PROBABLY WHEN THE SAME WOMAN WHO SHOWED YOU THAT VIDEO LOST HER MIND AND POURED SCALDING WATER ON YOUR FACE

WELP

I just want to press pause for a sec and let you guys know that I’ve been listening to my “fight music” playlist during my readthrough of this chapter, and this scene was absolutely perfectly timed. got to this point RIGHT when I read that panel. I got so fucking fired up lol

so finally Todoroki has gotten over his stupid insistence on not using his left side! yay! I think Deku could have picked a better sort of therapy than this, personally, but hey! anyways, are you happy now dude?

you know what, forget I asked. no one cares about you

I’m just happy for this little guy:

THAT WEIRD SMILE AT THE END I CAN’T I’M FUCKING DEAD. HE LOOKS SO HAPPY AND DORKY

ALSO, WAY TO BLOW ANY CHANCE THAT BAKUGOU OR ANYONE ELSE HAD OF DEFEATING HIM LOL. MIGHT AS WELL JUST WRAP UP THIS COMPETITION NOW

(ETA: well I mean. it would’ve been true if this breakthrough had actually stuck lol)

well, Deku, you did it. you can pass out now

BONUS: 

Kouda’s pure, sweet face is all the ASMR I need after this chapter that fucked up my emotions in every possible way!

gotta tell you guys, I liked his design from the start. but this?

this just seals the deal. he is in fact the best character in the whole series. THIS WHOLE TIME IT WAS KOUDA, who the fuck would have ever thought

[gayfrenchtoast]

Part 2!

So if you haven't seen pt 1 it is here or in the vent tag on my blog

Continuing on! After I revived that text I lost my fucking m i n d over so many points in it, and I'm not gonna describe it to you, I'm gonna show you the result of my message after I took his message into Google docs and made a response to every point so long that when I sent it back it had to be split into multiple messages. Any additions or changes will again be in red ;

-----------------------------

Whatever (sister) has told me is none of your business and don't you date interrogate her about it when she gets back, you may not think you’re doing it but I don’t want her scared into not being able to open up to us. She's said nothing that I know myself is not likely the truth, if anything she excuses your behaviour because she doesn't know much better. 

I do not agree with your "proportion to the offence" you do not even need to yell at the kids, getting down on their level and talking with them would be a much better teaching method than terrifying them and teaching them to be scared of you. Regardless you yell so much it hardly ever feels like you are ever yelling in proportion to a particular offence it just feels like you are yelling because of your own mood and it teaching nothing but to tiptoe around you, avoid you and lie to avoid your wrath. If you're yelling to "set boundaries" the only boundaries you set are massive ones away from your children that you then act like they aren't even there. 

Yes because they're children and don't know any better. They're innocent and don't know what going or what they're going through isn't normal much like I didn't.

I do not deny my need for therapy, in fact, I am actively in search of therapy thank you for your concern and causation of that, however my need for therapy does not negate your need for it, perhaps if you had it you'd see why I feel this way though I doubt you'd ever seek it out because for some reason you believe you are a good person and a good dad and I knew going into this you'd never believe me or believe you were any different. 

I know you loved me, it does not change the fact you had a shit way of showing it snd the fact your actions did affect me. And being annoyed at me because you care is a funny way of showing your love for someone. 

I do admit I find it funny that the only examples you can provide of me big happy with you are when I was a very young child that didn't know any better and I worry if you can't see past the times where I was filled with childhood innocence and not after it was destroyed because you, again, made me hate myself. I don’t believe you are listening to me because I think you've glazed over things like how you told me I was stupid and selfish and wanted to hurt you which made me hate myself and think I was a bad person when I was only a child that didn't know any better. If you think that kind of stuff doesn’t affect a child I don't think you will ever get better. 

Oh yeah, it does make things easier for you to blame things on the divorce, doesn’t it? Lemme shut that down right now; no. if anything it helped me get away from you.

And I think it’s unfair for you to treat your children the way you do but we don't get what we want all the time it seems. I'm sorry you feel I have to apologise for something I didn't do, as I said before o am happy to be used as a scapegoat, if (his finace) wants to blame me for (her daughter) getting back into something she never stopped doing then that's your problem and if now you want to blame me too it really is your problem! 

Everyone? If you've told others about this that is also your problem and I'd say it's a wonder they are wondering since they know you but you do surround yourself with people like you so I guess I shouldn't be too surprised. 

Fuck you, don’t you dare talk about my Mothers, the only good parents I have ever had, that way. Don’t you dare try and talk shit about my mother's, my mums don't need to talk shit about you because the only one that ever starts any of that kind of stuff is me! I don't need prompting! I know who you are, I worked that out myself, and if anything they've done nothing but encourage me to have a relationship with you and give you chances because you're my dad but if I didn't want to they weren't going to push me or force me which is so much more than I can say you have done in relation to them. I do not need to assign "too much meaning" to events, I was there! I felt them! Do not assume that I am some stupid child who just miss-remembering things, not only am I fucking not but there are way too many, way too much repetitive behaviour, way too much I had to learn to go through life to be just misremembering anything, not only that but repeating events, verbatim, to other people has confirmed that all of that shit was fucked up. I am sure you're fuming reading this paragraph, I'm sorry you feel that way, but not going to hold back anymore because how fucking dare you.

Do not try and emotionally manipulate me with the "Does it mean nothing, all the work I have done for you?" line, frankly that's weak manipulation for you, but considering all you've done to me in the past, how that affects me and how you've implied I'm crazy in this message, aNo. You feeding me and putting a roof over my head is rendered null. And god forbid I end up a dad like you, that has been one of my biggest fears for years, part of my mental breakdowns in college was me being scared if I had children I'd fall into being like you, continuing the cycle of abuse. I may not even have children purely because I'm afraid of turning out like you. Oh and thanks for preparing me to be an adult dad, the anxiety you gave me made me have a panic attack when I tried to register at a doctors in (uni town), good fucking job. 

I've been feeling strange to you ever since I realised how you treated me was wrong, so since high school? Don’t think this is a recent thing and don't think this is anything but me seeing things for how they really are because they're not, I've had a long time to analyse that. 

I can’t believe you called your dad a good dad and then talked about how you were a bit better than your dad was in the same paragraph. Congrats on your "Not as shit as you could have been" award. Perhaps if you went to therapy you might see how you’re not as different as you should be proud of than your dad. I remember you telling a story of him trying to tell you to drive which caused grandma to cry in the car, you should see that's fucked up. That's the only story I have of him and it’s not a good look. 

Here's an easy one for you; when you're stressed, don't take it out on your children! And if you've only shouted when you were stressed you were stressed a disproportionate amount. Maybe that's something you should work on, in therapy. And this bit "Being a parent is stressful. Being one who really cares is really stressful." Is shit. Seriously? You're blaming me for you yelling at me? Do you even realise you're doing this? In case you don't realise it this is manipulation. And again just because you were stressed didn't mean you had the right to take it out on me, even if to you it was just because you cared about me.

I'm sorry you f e e l t h a t w a y

^

This last paragraph is a doozy

"Please don't let the past dominate your feelings for the present. For your sake" again implying how your actions have hurt me is my fault, I know you won't believe me but all the fault lays with you. 

"If you have anxiety and depression it will be your choice to recover" this line really got me, it sounds like you're blaming me for my own mental health problems, implying that how I feel is a choice and that I am not actually trying to help myself. I am very much helping myself and this is part of that, something you almost acknowledged in the next sentence in the same paragraph!

The fact is you are so arrogant and up your own ass that you think you're always right everyone else is always wrong and you are the greatest person in any given room when in reality you are a presumptuous asshole whose perspective on the world worries me and who's parenting style is emotional and mental abuse and manipulation and now I've broken out of it I am not afraid of you anymore so I can tell you this; fuck off you arrogant ass, leave me alone, treat your children better at least, I’m not gonna ask you to improve anymore because I know you won't. Have fun playing house and making yourself think you're the best man in the world but I'm not gonna tell you you are anymore cus I don't have to! Get, and I have wanted to say this to you for so many years, fucked!

-----------------------------

So as you can tell, I snapped. One could say I snapped when I finally told him he was the problem but this, this was me snapping. This was me being donezo. This was me finally getting my cathartis and you know what? I deserved it. And I am so happy I did.

So happy fathers day! Happy fathers day to my fucking dad, one of the biggest pluages on my life and the man who made the worst part of who I am today! Good job! If you ever see this father, I have one thing to say to you and I think you know what it is

Fuck you, fuck off and go ffuuuuuck yourself!

[raeyvies]

“Push and Pull” pt. 5 // VxMC fic (based on day 10)

If you’ve been following this fic until now, you will notice that I actually gave this story a title now! It seemed pretty fitting especially considering the future plot ^^ Thank you to everyone who had been supportive of me with this story and has been patient with me! So surprise, I’m updating twice tonight :D

How would you guys feel if every 4 chapters I write a summary so that if you want to read from a certain checkpoint and forth you can know what happening? This is catering more to the people who are just now stepping upon this story ^^

For this part, remember that MC begins to feel trauma from her experiences since she arrived at Mint Eye. Little refresher from pt. 4: MC wakes up in V’s arms to see Saeran’s face in Saeyoung’s place. I hope you enjoy!!

Pt. 1 // Pt. 2 // Pt. 3 // Pt.4 // Pt.5 // Pt. 6

Length: 2196

Part: 5/?

Pairing: VxMC

Warnings: None

Sorry for any grammatical mistakes ^^;;

Get away from me.

Those were the words that remained trapped in MC’s throat she stared daggers at Saeyoung who was utterly confused. He was able to register the fact that she seemed terrified or arguably traumatized, but what had he done to her? He could not recall a moment that would cause her to fear him but it undoubtedly pulled something in him that made him feel uncomfortable. It was a feeling that felt like a parasite almost that he wanted to get rid of as soon as possible. The last thing he wanted was to be the cause of someone’s pain and terror, so Saeyoung did what seemed appropriate and made an attempt at soothing the shocked girl in a serious yet joking way. “MC you're okay. Everything is okay, it's just me Saeyoung. Please don't tell me you got amnesia from fainting earlier. Oh what do we do?”

That tone of voice cued MC’s recognition of Saeyoung rather than Saeran much to her relief. It was a rather distinct voice that would be hard to mistake and for that she was indescribably relieved. Whatever trick her mind had been playing on her vision had subsided and MC was pulled away from her trance. However, her heart was still racing and Jihyun could feel its beat emanating from her chest against his body. Instinctively, he wrapped his free arm around her waist to assure her that there was nothing to be afraid of, though he was unsure of what made her so terrified all of a sudden

MC was now becoming aware of her surroundings as she felt Jihyun’s arm on her body. At first, she did not know who it was much less why someone was in bed with her until she looked away from Saeyoung and met Jihyun’s eyes. Blood rushing to her cheeks, MC’s face became almost vermillion like Saeyoung’s hair in contrast to her pale complexion. Although the two met eyes for a short moment, it felt like an eternity.

If she was being honest, she could not even discern what day it was much less the hour. Still unaware of what had previously happened, MC searched for her memories of last night to know why she was lying there with Jihyun. Yes, she presently had feelings for Jihyun but she knew she did not want to make it obvious knowing that he was not in the best situation. None of them were. She had no interest in forcing herself into his life after the kind of circumstance they met under, but MC could not deny that feeling him so close like this was so warming and pleasant. However, Jihyun was still injured and recovering, so she immediately pulled away from him, careful to not hurt him, and mumbled several apologies that only he heard.

Jihyun could only imagine what was going on through her mind as she woke up unknowing of any previous events. But her flushed look told him that she was embarrassed, though, that was not the only thing he perceived. She must have fallen for him and this only confirmed it furthermore. Even though he was falling for MC too, he felt rather unready to try anything with her. He was downright certain he would hurt her. His inner demons wanted to keep her close, selfishly, but his conscience told him to pull away before something undesirable happens. It left a bitter feeling in him when MC pulled away from him. Don’t apologize MC. Stay by my side as long as you want. Jihyun never voiced those words and rather sat up in bed, laying a soft hand on her back with a small smile.

MC winced as she felt her IV tug at her skin while she rubbed her eyes, hoping she would stop feeling so groggy soon. There was some commotion among the RFA as they came closer to her bedside but all she could do was to form a list of questions because nothing made sense to her. Why was there an IV in her arm? What time was it and why was she still at the hospital?

Finally, she formed words, her voice sounding raspy and breathy, “Ugh...my arms hurt. What...wait, did you say I fainted, Saeyoung?”

Propping himself onto the bedside, Saeyoung gave a nod and confirmed to her, “That is what I said but I wasn’t here when it happened and I’m so sorry for leaving you here alone. I shouldn’t have done that to begin with because I lost the hacker’s signal anyway.”

MC still could not shake off the feeling that Saeyoung kept reminding her of Saeran. They both looked so similar, she could even say that maybe Saeyoung was Saeran, but she threw that idea away instantly. There was no way that Saeran was in this room.

“But why though? I was just fine a moment ago,” MC continued searching for answers. How could she faint when she thought she was fine? She did not remember that she was utterly dehydrated and hungry. However, her stomach growled, drawing a moan from her lips, as she bashfully looked at Jihyun who was seated right next to her. “I was looking after you when you woke up, but why um...why am I in bed with you?”

“MC, I woke up last night. It’s two in the afternoon right now,” Jihyun explained, worry manifested in his voice. Seeing the shock on MC’s face proved she really remembered nothing. Only Jihyun and Jumin knew what happened, and they knew they had to explain everything to her. “You don’t remember that you woke up about an hour ago, either? I was walking around and you came looking for me, and you wanted me to lay down next to you.”

“Oh God, I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to worry you. Th-That wasn’t supposed to happen. This is so embarrassing I’m sorry, I don’t remember anything at all.”

Before Jihyun could say anything as he saw MC’s eyes became glassy, Jumin chimed in as he brought the bag of food forward and sat on the couch next to her bed. “You weren’t eating enough and you were dehydrated, so I suggest you put something in your stomach before anything else. Jihyun asked me to bring this for you. I hope you like it.”

The two friends continued conversing while MC ate the seaweed soup. She did not want to say anything about not liking seaweed soup but the gesture meant so much to her she could not decline it, and her stomach was crying out for food. She laid against the now inclined back of her bed and ate slowly, trying to down the distasteful food without showing any signs of revulsion. Admittedly, it tasted a lot better because she was starving but on any other occasion she would have declined it. Jihyun had left her side to go for another walk with Saeyoung. MC watched as they left and only wanted to join them but after having woken up to be at his side, maybe he would have liked some space in the end.

Jumin saw how MC would not let Jihyun out of her sight until he left the room. It was still surprising to him how much she had connected with Jihyun but he could not help but think that she was making a mistake. Maybe the only reason she seemed to be so attached to Jihyun was for finding her at Mint Eye and calling for Seven to rescue her. Maybe she was not falling for him for who he was but for what he did, and if it was because of that, Jumin would make sure to protect her from what can turn out to be toxic.

Having completely consumed the seaweed soup, MC searched for any garbage can to throw away the disposable bowl. As she pulled the blanket away from her lower body, Zen was quick to help her onto her feet seeing how her legs were trembling as her feet touched the icy floor. However, feeling the frigid floor under her was a relief for her since she had been under warm covers all this time. MC appreciated his help but was quick to tell him that she could walk just fine. “I only fainted Zen. Thank you though, but I think I can get to the trash can on my own.”

He was reluctant to let her go but seeing as she was making her steps fairly balanced, his worries died down. That did not mean that the three RFA members in room averted their eyes for a moment, and MC saw that, causing her to feel bashful. She truly hated drawing attention to herself and although she was thankful for their concern, it made her feel uncomfortable so much so that she had no idea what to say or how to start a conversation with them. This was not how she had imagined meeting the RFA in person. She assumed it would be at the party where she would have been dressed up nicely but from what she could tell, her appearance was very disheveled. Her hair was tangled and parted unevenly to one side; her clothes we're still the same from the day she escaped Mint Eye, except that they were faded by now and wrinkled.

When she returned to her bed, MC sat on the side, letting her short legs dangle off the edge, and she remained silent, unsure of what to say. Thankfully, Zen and Jaehee were much more talkative and took the load to conversation themselves, sparing MC from an awkward silence. The two told her about Zen’s adventures with taking care of Yoosung who was actually dropped off at his apartment, and then the subject of the party came about.

“We can just finish tomorrow cleaning up the venue. At least we got to meet MC!” Zen was definitely looking on the positive side of this whole situation which made her blush.

“It's not exactly how I thought I'd meet you guys though,” MC added jokingly. “It's so weird you know. It's like meeting an internet friend for the first time.”

“That's exactly what it feels like! But you're a lot shorter than I thought you'd be. You're still cute though. I knew you'd have a good fashion sense too,” Zen gestured at her outfit, but she only pulled her skirt slightly to cover her knees.

“Actually I hate this outfit,” she enlightened as she looked at herself. The outfit was all blue with a dotted skirt and her shirt was revealing of her shoulders. It was actually given to her by Rika, though, MC had no say in the choice of her clothing. “I really don't understand why Rika made me wear this. I’m not a fan of skirts either.”

At the mention of Rika’s name, the atmosphere became gloomy and sullen. If Yoosung were in the room, it would be a total mess there. It had dawned on MC that she triggered an unwanted memory possibly, which seemed strange as the RFA was already aware that Rika was still alive.

“I'm sorry. I touched on something I shouldn't have.”

“It's not that, MC. Something happened last night around one in the morning. Jumin got a phone call from Rika,” Jaehee began to explain, hoping to ease MC into the news she was giving. “After hurting Jihyun, Rika seemed to turn manic. She said she was regretful of everything she did. For hurting Jihyun, for attempting to brainwash you, for coming back into our lives. She was in her old apartment and…and– Oh god I don't know why I'm like this.”

Even Jaehee was surprised when she found herself tongue tied, unable to express the worst of the events. Jaehee knew that Rika was unstable and she needed help, and that nothing she did to them was justified, but she was a friend. It was hard to erase the person she was before her supposed suicide. She was a friend, a close friend, and Rika had helped Jaehee find happiness in her life among all else. Jaehee was human, and it was only natural to feel mournful of her late friend. “Her apartment...the bomb…she died in the explosion. She said her goodbyes to us but I don't think this was right.”

MC’s mouth dropped open upon learning about Rika’s death, and although she felt neutral about her death, it pained her to see that the three members were all struggling. She felt sympathy for them but not for Rika. Their old friend deserved to pay for her errors in life and for letting herself be consumed by her ideals, but she should have gone silently. The RFA should not have had to find out she died this way.

MC could not imagine what Jihyun would do when he would learn about the tragic incident. Although he was hurt over and over again by Rika, she was still a major part of especially his life. As much as MC disliked her, even hated her, she knew her opinion was one to keep to herself.

To be continued...

Pt. 1 // Pt. 2 // Pt. 3 // Pt.4 // Pt.5 // Pt. 6

[hamilficsfordays]

We’re Live! (Alexander/Reader)

Prompt: @hamwriters Write-A-Thon Day One! Imagine your favorite characters and actors in whatever universe you like and write about it!

Author’s Note: This is day one of what is sure to be a very stressful week as I have one of seven works finished and it’s this one. I was heavily inspired by both this video from FBE and this video from GT Live.

Pairing: Alexander Hamilton/Reader

Summary: Youtuber AU! You and your husband Alex are YouTubers who do a live stream every week, Sometimes you play games, sometimes you do challenges, but today is a day Alex is particularly dreading: The Do Not Cry challenge.

Rating: G!

Warnings: It’s cute

Words: 1288

Askbox / Masterlist / What I Write / This Week’s Works

You took a breath, straightening your hair slightly before John signaled you from across the room that you had just gone live.

On one of the monitors in front of you, a live feed of you and Alex was shown. He was sitting beside you on your live stream couch, not looking very pleased.

You, on the other hand, were bemused, eager for the day’s events.

“Hey, everyone! Welcome to Hamilton Live!”

You turned to Alex, who was typically eager and excited at the beginning of every stream. With his arms are folded across his chest, he looked up at the ceiling, sighing. “Hi.”

“As you can tell Alex is already so excited for this live stream.”

“Nope.” he responded, still looking up at the ceiling.

“He’s been dreading this for weeks,” John mentioned from off-screen.

“When we got up this morning,” you started. “The first thing he said to me was “I already hate today.””

You attempted to nudge him playfully, but to no avail, as he only moved an inch away.

“So in case you guys haven’t figured it out yet, today we’re doing a Do Not Cry challenge

At the name alone, Alex was already rolling his eyes. This didn’t deter your excitement.

“Alex is not looking forward to this.”

“I am not.” he finally faced forward. “It’s a stupid idea.”

“It’s also an idea that fans have been requesting for months.” you pointed out.

“Our most requested, stupid idea.” he finished, only half joking.

“He’s just upset because he’s going to cry like a baby.” you assured the audience of several thousand viewers.

“NO I’M NOT.” he shot back. You giggled at how defensive he was.

“So these videos were sent in by viewers I believe, right?” you asked John.

“Yeah, a bunch of people sent videos in, and these are the ones I thought were the saddest.”

“Cool, so you guys are responsible for Alex bursting into tears.” you teased.

He playfully nudged you this time, still refusing to uncross his arms or even crack a smile.

“Let’s start the first one.”

With that, John cued up the first video from his computer.

It was a Paper and Packaging commercial in which a little boy attempted to throw paper airplane notes over the fence in his backyard to his father stationed overseas in the military. The neighbor, an older man, found them, mailed them all to the boy’s father, and received the package full of paper airplane responses which he then flew back over the fence.

Though not as bad as you were expecting, it still had gotten you pretty emotional.

“That was really sweet.” you insisted, wiping a few more tears away.

Alex on the other hand, was not entertaining that idea.

“They’re trying to use emotions to sell me paper and packaging products and I’m not buying into it. Plus where was his mother? She saw him doing this… why didn’t she step in?”

“I thought it was really cute. I’d give that a 7.”

“One.” he shot back. “Zero even. It was nothing.”

After you gave approval, John cued up the next video.

The video showed an owner celebrating his dog’s last day on earth, as he announced for the camera to hear.

“Oh no…” at that alone, you could already feel tears forming in your eyes. Beside you, Alex was silent.

The video continued, showing the owner taking his dog through the In-n-Out drive thru, where he gets a burger and fries for each of them and eats it with the dog in the park.

“Oh my gosh this is so cute…” the tears had already started falling down your cheek. You could see Alex shifting uncomfortably out of the corner of your eye, but you stay focused on the screen.

The video ended with the owner petting his dog repeatedly before it played a shot of his dog with his head hanging out the car window and a message saying “Rest in Peace” with the dog’s name.

You were in tears, well past the point of no return.

“That was so cute, but oh my god I’m already crying so hard.”

You turned to Alex, who hadn’t spoken the entire video.

“Alex, what did you think?”

Alex quickly wiped a tear that was threatening to fall down his cheek. “It wasn’t sad.”

“Really?” you teased as you gestured to his now wet hand. “I could swear those were tears you just tried to wipe away—”

“I just had something in my eye.” he insisted, wiping his hand on the side of his shirt. “It’s gone now.”

“Okay… well, I rate that an eight out of ten on the sad scale. It got me way more emotional than I expected it to.”

“It was maybe a two,” he stated, passively. “Maybe even a one.”

“Can we see the next one?” you asked John.

He started the next one.

A wedding is shown. The bride is seen walking down the aisle with her mother, and her fiance is shown at the end of the aisle, in tears at just the idea of seeing her.

You didn’t really find that emotional, but a shot of the bridesmaids caught your attention.

“Ooh, those are cute bridesmaid dresses.” you pointed out. Like usual, beside you, Alex is silent.

The video continued. The best man told the groom to pull himself together, telling him that this was his moment.

“Well it’s kind of their moment as a couple,” you pointed out, contradicting him. “But okay.”

As it ended, you were quick to reflect on how your emotions were much more level.

“That wasn’t too bad. It was cute I guess, but it wasn’t really sad. I’ll give like a two.”

You turned to Alex, who was suddenly breathing heavily with tears streaming down his face.

“Alex? Are you okay?”

He wiped the tears from his face, clearly emotional.

“I love you.” he finally said.

You felt your heart swell, seeing him properly express sadness for the first time in a long time.

“Aww… I love you too.” you smiled.  “That was the video that broke you, huh?”

“I just… I thought of our wedding.”

Your mind flooded with memories of the day you and Alex had gotten married, a ceremony during which he was tearing up through the entirety of.

“That’s true, you did cry at our wedding.”

“I didn’t just cry at our wedding, I cried that entire day leading up to our wedding. You just didn’t know because we weren’t together.”

You kissed him on the cheek. “Well, it was worth it. Our wedding was amazing.”

Alex was still crying while he attempted to wipe his tears away. “Let’s get married again.”

You giggled as you offered him a tissue. “Let’s NOT, because weddings are expensive. Maybe in forty years.”

“I wanna marry you every day for the rest of my life.” he insisted through tears.

You laughed fully this time. “Wow, that video really got you.”

“It wasn’t just the video. It’s you. I love you.”

“I love you too!”

You kissed briefly.

“I fucking hate this challenge,” he added, much to your amusement. He turned to John, who seemed pleased with what was occurring much to the audience's amusement.

“John, if there are any more wedding videos in this compilation, I’m going to kill you.”

John laughed.

“Ten out of ten.” Alex finally said. “I couldn’t hide that even if I wanted to.”

“Okay,” you smiled at John. “Next video.”

[survivornavarino]

Episode #9: I’m A Fighter -Jake

*loud screeching noise* AHHHHHHHHHH omfg i cant believe we just did that #beam 4 life ok so like i feel horrible because i love drew but he was trying to make an alliance and it didnt include me and i had to take him out before it was too late because while it wouldnt be me this vote it probably would next time so like sorry drew i love u im sure this doesnt help my case for like why u should b my friend but like i rlly am sorry.  also i feel bad for lying to jake but it just wouldve gotten back to drew and i didnt want to risk that.  im hoping he doesnt hate me too much for blindsiding his ally but like again, they were trying to have a majority alliance that i wasnt a part of and i just didn't want to deal with it tbh.  maybe jake and i are just doomed to eternally be on separate sides in games idk (sad music plays) umm trixie idk we dont really talk we just kind of coexist UM HOLDUP JESUS CHRIST WE JUST FUCKING MERGED WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WIG ON PLUTO WHAT TO HECK ????? im off to plot heathers demise xoxo gossip beckka

Woot Woot its merge loves. Time to be a complete mess and be first merge boot. Hehehe

I MADE IT, MY SECOND ATHENA GAME AND I MADE IT TO MERGE AGAIN IM INCREDIBLEY HAPPY. Let’s hope I don’t get eighth place again, and if I’m gonna be honest I need Drew gone if I’m gonna win. He’s so fucking good at challenges. So eliminating him would mainly be out of fear.

Remember how I’m a dumbass? Me too ok so Drew was eliminated already.

Excuse me I am stupid and don't get letters are better as numbers... and also reversed. I would like an explanation plzz

words tried in number form and reversed so far that have not worked. Emily-Amanda-Abbey-Francie, Navarino, Survivor, Athena. Im gonna cry I cant find it yet.

Oh yeah tea, I ended up finding a secret advantage called the deja vote which means I can steal someone’s vote from a tribal and re-use it at a later tribal 

This was originally going to me a vlog of me screaming after tribal but I busy last night and fell asleep before doing it so now I'm more calm and just gonna type out. Okay so looking back at my last confessional, bitch I'm boo boo the fool. I seriously thought Eddie and Autumn were being honest with me because I trust(ed) them sooo much, but it turns out they were playing me and orchestrating a Drew blindside behind my back. So before I went out last night, EVERYONE told me they were voting Matt. Then two minutes before the vote, Eddie and Autumn message me like "JAKE! Are you here??? SOMETHING is happening" like bitch shut the fuck up something is not happening don't act like this shit just happened last minute. Then they say "Drew is getting voted out tonight!" So...I went to Drew and told him to play the idol if he had it. Because I didn't want Matt staying if I was voting for him. But Drew said he didn't have an idol, and Eddie found out that I told Drew and told Autumn. So after I got home I messaged the group chat with Eddie and Autumn and told them that I was upset by them lying to me bc I did trust them the most. Then Autumn decided to get ballsy and reply "I don't buy that at all since you told Drew to play his idol, you were more loyal to him than me." GIRL STFU yes the fuck I did tell Drew because you told me TWO MINS BEFORE TRIBAL - MEANING YOU KEPT THE VOTE HIDDEN FROM ME ALL DAY. DON'T SAY IM DISLOYAL WHEN YOU WERE THE BIGGEST MFING SNAKE THIS ROUND! ...Anyways. Autumn then tries to come for me by saying "So tell, what's with this alliance between you, Eddie, Drew, and Trixie." And this is when I got more mad. BC Drew proposed this alliance to me, but it was never made, hell I didn't even tell Trixie about it. And when I told Eddie about it I told him I think we should tell Autumn about the alliance (Since he wanted to as well) So it became clear that Autumn was spreading to rebecka and matt that I was in an actual alliance with them to get them all to turn on us. So um Autumn, I wanted to trust you and go far with you in this game, but you're dead to me in this game now and I want you GONE. Autumn has the most connections here. She has Eddie, Rebecka, Matt, Ben, and I've heard that she has Mitch as well. She is a huge threat and if I can find a way to take her out, I will. But right now I need to focus on surviving. After the vote, Trixie added me to a call with Julia. Julia told us all of the alliances she's in (and she's in a damn lot) and said she basically likes Trixie more so she's working with us. Umm okay that's cool. I hope she's being serious because my life in this game is in Julia's hands now. She has all these connections and I need to get her to gun for someone that isn't me, Trixie, or Shoib. I've decided that my ideal final 3 would be with Trixie and Shoib because I trust them the most now, we've been together since day one, and we're all fans. It would be perfect. Sooo yeah. I also talked to Heather and basically blamed Tyler for all the animosity between us. I am trying to repair relationships and hopefully push the target off my back because I am worried about being targeted for 12th. IDK WHAT ELSE TO DO! I am in SUCH a bad position right now and it's so annoying. At the start of this game I had a lot of allies and the two people who trusted me the most (Tyler and Drew) are gone. But I'm a FIGHTER. I will NOT give up! I was in the minority at merge in crossroads and turned it around and made it to FTC so I just have to keep pushing and hopefully I'll get the same results! Woo wig! This was originally going to me a vlog of me screaming after tribal but I busy last night and fell asleep before doing it so now I'm more calm and just gonna type out.

https://youtu.be/iUDlOxxgtz0 my face in the thumbnail for this video is so funny cause it's when i found out of another to do the idol search. Obviously we know it didn't work adhshjks

I am pumped for this merge, I feel like I am playing a really under the radar game and it will make people come to me and ask me to vote with them if the game does break down into two sides, which I think it will. I trust Julia and Trixie the most right now and Trixie has two FREAKING idols omg. I also trust Mitch and Autumn but they are my secondary alliance which I will fall back on if I lose Trixie and Julia

Ok so no one is really messaging me about the vote, which is scary. I don't want to be first merge boot. The only people who have spoke to me are Matt, which he is confused, and Jake, which says no one really spoke to him about the vote yet. I did hear that people thought Ben and I were close, which like we have voted together, but aren't to close. I know now that Trixie has an idol and someone found the merge idol so FUN. I CAN'T WAIT TO BE FIRST MERGE BOOT.

Me starting a grassroots movement of Ben vs Heather cause I'm not aligned with either? Yep. Me forcing people to show their hands and make choices? Absolutely https://68.media.tumblr.com/41399c7dcc99b69388de05d609f7323c/tumblr_inline_o6ola1oDhw1sso1z7_500.gif Look none of these votes will be easy cause I like everyone and I'm aligned with almost everyone but it's Survivor I ain't scurd. I neeevvveerrr talk to Ben or Heather so I'm just gonna be a swing vote in the mess I created. Also feel free to give me the villain edit that's the one thing I haven't accomplished in Athena, besides winning or beating my placement. If not that's cool too I'll just continue to be my messy antihero self. Ok bye! Time to disappear and let the drama fester while I'm at work

You know what would be great, if more people would know who the vote is gonna be. Won't be surprised if that is me to be quite honest. Right now I hear Ben and if that is the only name I hear, I'll do it.

i never thought i'd say this but I WANNA HEX JULIA THE WITCH. okay not really bc i dont want her to read this and think im actually mad. but im wary of what i say to her now considering she told heather about my idol hehe

The votes for me cuz Beckka is bitter over another game. At least in that game I didn't isolate her. I'm prob just gonna cry in a corner.

This is a mess

this round has been a fucking mess and a half and im too busy rn trying to save my ass to make it all sophisticated i have a lot to say so if i stay ill explain everything later but basically autumn came to me today saying she wants to flip on ben so im trying to rally eddie trixie shoib julia and heather to get 7 on ben but apparently ben is throwing my name out bc he doesnt want to vote heathwr and immm fucking nervous idek if heather will wanna vote ben now if hes trying to save her what if she flips like this is bad help

The first merge vote is stressful as fuck cus there’s 12 people. I’m fine as long as it’s not me.

Don't know what's going on. Voting heather and hoping it works!!!!!

Good god am I glad I'm immune for this bullshit Let's start with merge. Woo merge! The idol system is announced. I actually make progress on the advantage hunt! Then I finish it. And someone already has it. GREAT So then I try the idol hunt and someone ALSO has it! GREATER. So now I have to worry about that shit. So I won immunity somehow because I guess preparing was a good idea since I blew through the second round. I won't be first merge boot in Athena woo!!! But now the vote is fucking crazy. I want to vote out Heather because, as sweet as she is, she's got a lot of ears listening for info for her and it's better to get someone like that out early before it's too late. But people don't want to because they're the ears! Big surprise. People are between Jake and Ben and Heather and honestly? I want to keep Ben around a little more. My plan for now is to not have one big alliance, but rather to be a part of small trio alliances so people can have my back without the worry of a huge alliance fracturing. I just have to keep the trio members safe. My planned trios are as follows: Ben, Mo, myself Shoib, Autumn, myself Rebecka, Julia, myself (WIP) That's 7 people who have my back in varying circumstances, as long as they're being truthful. I've also been alerted to a greater alliance of Matt, Ben, Julia, Mo, and Rebecka. Hopefully this trio plan will help me get in with those people more, and perhaps in the close future I can take out Matt and get rid of that variable.

i made merge!! its lit!! there hasnt been a lot going on so far. nobodys really reached out to me and ive been so busy so im just going with what rebecka wants, which is heather. i’m not sure voting heather is a good move for me, in fact i know its not, but unfortunatelt i dont have the time to make another move and im just tryin to survive

What is going on here on this day? This is a mess and i'm just on the train a long for the ride. I'm hearing Ben, Jake, and Heather, but I wouldn't be surprised if it's me tonight. Like I'm sure they're afraid of Jake having an idol, so why not throw their votes on someone who's irrelevant at the moment and who probably wouldn't see it coming? Anyway, I HIGHLY doubt Ben is leaving tonight, and I don't really believe that the votes are going on Heather or Jake, idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk idk. I really hope Jake stays, and I really hope Ben goes or I am probably screwed af.