#I HAVE A GLOCK

[randomositycat]

[spyglassrealms]

had a fucking hilarious dream that tumblr replaced the "block" function with the far funnier "glock" function, which did the exact same thing except whenever anyone blocked you a random bullet hole, like a png of a bullet hole, would appear on your blog. discourse blogs were unreadable bc you'd go to the page and the sheer amount of bullet hole pngs stacked over the blogs obscured everything. I woke myself up laughing

[maxedes]

sooo,,,, wHO WAS GONNA TELL ME THAT MY WIFE HAS COME HOME

[franzias-cave]

do you think if they knew they were going to create the ecru house they would have made the same choices

[dragondusst]

The Le Salut experience

[sealrock]

Heaven holds a sense of wonder, and I wanted to believe That I'd get caught up when the rage in me subsides

[sensitive-g]

damn geno

[akkivee]

THEY GAVE JYUSHI A GUN?????????????????????????????????

[jfouler]

things i’ve heard at school - sentence starters? do as you like

“there are no dumb questions, just the dumb people that ask them.”

“[name], no one likes you.”

"whats that really scary hour? is it three?"

“that’s so scary. i will not be able to sleep for weeks.”

“hip bones can kill people.”

“there is nothing worth celebrating right now.”

“i wanna be happy, but i can’t.”

“i will carve you like a pumpkin.”

“i was cooking pizza and thought of you.”

“i like blood. everyone likes blood.”

“i risked my life to fix it.”

“we’ll get more torture- i mean, practice, later.”

“birds don’t mess around.”

“stop this madness.”

“a pathetic old man. that’s your future.”

"kids, have you seen my glock?"

"comedy is not that different from horror."

"yes, penguins die. that's pretty sad."

"it's easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission."

"someone's gonna get shanked."

"it wasn't a kid. it was a grown man."

"are your parents rich?"

"i don't know how 'lit' things are today."

"at the end of the day, you can do nothing but cry."

"i have your mom's number on speed dial."

"i might be stupid, but i'm persistent."

"it smells like high school girl in here."

"oh my god, what if we domesticated bears?"

"do stupid shit safely."

"i have big calves! it's from jumproping."

"he just wants to see me suffer."

"if you can't be the sharpest tool in the shed, be the biggest hoe."

"you gotta microwave it, girl!"

"we've only been told the story. now we're discovering the story."

"there are a lot of connections between math and music."

"oh, just stop."

"what are you doing here? i mean, how are you doing?"

"without music? impossible. start singing."

"i'm not gonna stay home just because i can't breathe."

"i think if i were a bug, i'd be a bee."

"we have such a complicated relationship."

"good thing i only drink beer."

"i kinda, like, don't like this place anymore."

"is it okay to murder someone in a church?"

"if we all die, then we're all dead."

"there's a new smell in here."

"that's why god created spellcheck."

"you know how i feel about young people."

"what? me getting arrested by six fucking cops?"

"are you just saying that so i stop asking questions?"

"there are lots of people i wish would just be quiet."

"so, we're all dying."

"oh, so you're selfish. adds up."

"would you rather i hate you or be ambivalent towards you?"

"don't be a hero. it won't go well."

[fluorescentbrains]

are we ready to board the harris train if biden does step down is what i’m really wondering here. because she is simply the most likely replacement

[stephaniebrownslover]

My Immortal(Worst Fanfic Ever) From Toby's POV//Chapters 2-11

Bro.

Bro. Ready for second wave of cringe fight @skullcfusher because it's all your fault.

Guys check his attack, it's very nice too.

And everyone say thanks to his awesome, full colored fanart

(I'm posting this here but I can remove ıf it's not okay)

Also I have an ask I want to answer but this cringe fight is occupied my brain and I'm sorry for that lovely person.

I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH

TW: self harm, smut, toby x jeff, offensive descriptions for actual satanist people, clockwork x jeff, some gross stuff at chapter 11, mentioned suicide attempt,

IT TURNED INTO A TOBY X JEFF AND PAST JEFF X CLOCKWORK GUYS I'M SO SORRY I DIDN'T MEAN TO I HAVEN'T PASSED SECOND CHAPTER AND I DIDN'T KNOW THE SHIP I'M SO SORRY

CHAT SHOULD I DO OTHER 3 PARTS OR NOT?????

Chapter 2

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok!

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The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my short emo hair in a kind of messy bun.

My friend, Kate (AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her messy and untidy dark black hair with pink streaks and opened her chocolate-brown eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Jeff Da Griller yesterday!" she said excitedly.

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Jeff?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Jeff walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily.

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

"Well.... do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped. 

...

Chapter 3

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I chew of my fingers. I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale gray anyway. I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Jeff was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).

"Hi Jeff!" I said in a depressed voice.

"Hi Toby." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

'"You come in cold, you're covered in blood They're all so happy you've arrived The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom She sets you free into this life." sang Joel '(I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Jeff, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Jeff looked sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Jeff sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little a." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face.

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Jeff. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Jeff and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Jeff didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into........................... the Forbidden Forest!

...

Chapter 4

AN: I sed stup flaming ok toby's name is TBOY nut marty syu OK! JEFF IS SOO IN LUV wif him dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!

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"JEFF!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?"

Jeff didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.

"Toby?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped.

Jeff leaned in extra-close and I looked into his krill-ish red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore.

And then............... suddenly just as I Jeff kissed me passionately. Jeff climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale gray body became all warm. And then....

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"

It was............................................................. Slenderfuckingbitch!  

...

Chapter 5

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Slenderman swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!

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Slenderfuckingbitch made and Jeff and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted.

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. Jeff comforted me. When we went back to the castle Slenderfuckingbitch took us to Professor Maskussy and Professor Hoodieddude who were both looking very angry.

"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice.

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor Hoodieddude.

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Maskussy.

And then Jeff shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HIM!"

Everyone was quiet. Slenderfuckingbitch and Professor Hoodieddude still looked mad but Professor Maskussy said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms."

Jeff and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

"Are you okay, Toby?" Jeff asked me gently.

"Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. When I came out....

Jeff was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing 'I just wanna live' by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.  

...

Chapter 6

AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows!

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The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple.

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic girl with spiky brown hair with red streaks in it. She was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down her face and she was wearing black lipstick. She didn't have glasses anymore and now she was wearing red contact lenses just like Jeff's and there was no scar on her forhead anymore. She had a womanly stubble on her chin. She had a sexy English accent. She looked exactly like emo Tinker Bell. She was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw her kind of like an erection only I'm a boy so I didn't get one you sicko.

"I'm so sorry." she said in a shy voice.

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.

"My name's Glocky DA Work, although most people call me Vampire these days." she grumbled.

"Why?" I exclaimed.

"Because I love the taste of human blood." she giggled.

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.

"Really?" she whimpered.

"Yeah." I roared.

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Jeff came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him.

...

Chapter 7, Bring me 2 life

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Tony isn't a Marty Stu ok he isn't perfect HES A SATANITS! n he has problemz hes depressed 4 godz sake!

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Jeff and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Martu Stu 2 u?). I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in her depressed eyes. I guess she was jealous of me that I was going out with Jeff. Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Jeff. We went into his room and locked the door. Then............

We started frenching passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?)

"Oh Jeff, Jeff!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Jeff's arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words............ Vampire!

I was so angry.

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Jeff pleaded. But I knew too much.

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!"

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Jeff ran out even though he was naked. He had a really small you-know-what but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Maskussy and some other people.

"VAMPIRE da WORK, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled.

...

Chapter 8

AN: stop flassing ok! if u do den u r a prep!

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Everyone in the class stared at me and then Jeff came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back.

"Toby, it's not what you think!" Jeff screamed sadly.

My friend Nina Makes My Killer Obsessed smiled at me understatedly. She flipped her long waste-length emo black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. Jane was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Zalbitchmutherfuckerhoe killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Bro and not Hoe. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. )

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" Maskussy demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Jeff!" I shouted at him.

Everyone gasped.

I don't know why Toby was so mad at me. I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Toby) for a while but then she broke my heart. She dumped me because she liked Korra, a stupid preppy ATLA rip-off fucker. We were just good friends now. She had gone through horrible problems, and now she was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.)

"But I'm not going out with Jeff anymore!" said Vampire.

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility to Jeff and then I started to bust into tears. 

...

Chapter 9

AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if Slenderfuckingbitch swers! besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson slendy dosent lik Glocky now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! MCR ROX!

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I was so mad and sad. I couldn't believe Jeff for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Jeff.

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no bitches and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a single bitch (basically like Zalbitchmutherfuckerhoe in the font) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. It was...... Zalbitchmutherfuckerhoe!

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Zalbitchmutherfuckerhoe shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away.

"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him. Zalbitchmutherfuckerhoe fell of his broom and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped.

"Toby." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Glocky!"

I thought about Vampire and her sexah eyes and her gothic brown hair and how her face looks just like Emo Tinker Bell. I remembered that Jeff had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Jeff went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up?

"No, Zalbitchmutherfuckerhoe!" I shouted back.

Zalbitchmutherfuckerhoe gave me a gun. "No! Please!" I begged.

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Jeff!"

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.

Zalbitchmutherfuckerhoe got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. "I hath telekinesis." he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Jeff!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick.

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Jeff came into the woods.

"Jeff!" I said. "Hi!"

"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"No." he answered.

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled.

"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out. 

...

Chapter 10

AN: stup it u gay fags if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! ps it turnz out b'loody mary isn't a muggle afert al n she n vampire r evil datz y dey movd houses ok!

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I was really scared about Zlabitchmutherfuckerhoe all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666. I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR. The other people in the band are B'loody Mary, Vampire, Jeff, Benny boy (although we call him El Diablo now. He has yellow hair now with blue streaks in it.) and Trendermwah. Only today Jeff and Vampire were depressed so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Jeff was probably Jeff The Kissing his wrists (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that) or a steak) and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride. I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my man boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. You might think I'm a man slut but I'm really not.

We were singing a cover of 'Helena' and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears.

"Toby! Are you OK?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted voice.

"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily. And then I said. "Well, Zalbitchmutherfuckerhoe came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Glocky! But I don't want to kill her, because, she's really nice, even if she did go out with Jeff. But if I don't kill Glocky, then Zalbitchmutherfuckerhoe, will fucking kill Jeff!" I burst into tears.

Suddenly Jeff jumped out from behind a wall.

"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted. "How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!" (c is dat out of character?)

I started to cry and cry. Jeff started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying.

We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly Slenderfuckingbitch walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache.

"What have you done!" He started to cry wisely. (c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) "Toby Jeff has been found in his room. He committed suicide by Jeff The Krilling his cheeks." 

...

Chapter 11

AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz! c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 it delz wit rly sris issus! sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me!

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"NO!" I screamed. I was horrorfied! B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off and I ran to my room crying myself. Slenderfuckingbitch chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way.

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood and then I chewed both of my hands. They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit proxy ritual. I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn't fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed... Mask was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Jackielyn was masticating to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks.

"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!" I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it. Suddenly Vampire ran in.

"Abra Kedavra!" she yelled at Maskussy and Jackielyn pointing her womb. I took my gun and shot Maskussy and Jackielyn a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly, Slendyfuckingbitch ran in. "Toby, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted looking at Maskussy and Jackielyn and then he waved his wand and suddenly...

Trendermwah ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk.

"What do you know, Trendermwah? You're just a little Hogwarts student!"

"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT...." Trendermwah paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!"

"This cannot be." Mask said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Slendyfuckingbitch's wand had shot him. "There must be other factors."

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly.

Jackielyn held up the camera triumelephantly. "The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!"

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood.

"Why are you doing this?" Jackielyn said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook.

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint.

"BECAUSE...BECAUSE...." Trendermwah said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent.

"Because you're goffic?" Mask asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan.

"Because I LOVE HIM!"

I'M CONFUSED AS HELL

[cometthestaar]

It finally arrived

My reckless battery is burning

[grumpyghostdoodles]

Hi! I'm really intrigued with your utdr au and with the upcoming deltarune chapters I can't wait to see what direction your gonna go in. Do you have any Kris art or Papyrus art since these two are kinda my favs. Also we know Frisk knows about the red soul in Kris, but what about other characters or the fact that its implied if the soul possessing Kris dies or Kris breaks their strings, Kris dies along side it?

Sorry if this ask is long I guess I'm just really interested in your work Hope your art goes well!

Loved loved LOVED this ask, have a bunch of Dadrius doodles, just for you! Im so happy that youre enjoying the ride, theres so much more to come <3<3

And about the red soul, Chara is able to see/sense it as well! and you better believe that they are stressing tf out about it. They leave for college, only to get a call from Frisk to come back to deal with a soul controlled cousin (that can die if not severed the control properly) and the end of the world (again). Those damn teenager hooligans, giving Chara gray hair from stress XD

[stone-stars]

erlin knows what beverly wants more than anything is to help people, to serve pelor, and to be good. these are simple things, understandable things, a neat little list to keep in his mind. it's part of what he likes so much about him– he's the model green teen. he's everything erlin should be but isn't, and sure, he could be jealous, but how could he be? it's beverly. his beverly. what's complicated in a way erlin never expected is that bev wants him. bev likes him. bev wants to be with him. and that's something erlin's always wanted, isn't it? but it's something he can't understand, how someone so perfect, so good, could want someone so... him? and then episode 70 happens and it's all but confirmed. bev doesn't want him, at least not anymore. it was stupid to even believe that he would've. should've stuck to the list. simple things. things he knows are true. in this fleeting moment, this moment of unsureness, this moment of something he thought he knew being wrong, the zone of truth breaks.

h........ hello???????? fuck????????????????? yeah. sure. yeah. that's fine. (watch as i go through all five stages of grief in one fell swoop)

god. in the queen ezra fight. bev says that erlin is his light, his pelor. erlin doesn't see that part of it. he just learns that bev strayed.

and it's like. by the time erlin and bev reunite in ep70, bev's changed so much. he's a gray knight now. his relationship to their god is fundamentally different. but you know... as a gray knight, bev is still trying to help people, he still serves pelor, and he still does good. they're still a core of who he is, no matter how different he becomes. so what about erlin?

...of course the spell breaks.

[incrediblyaccuratethoughts]

I’m Gonna Tell ‘Em (Don’t you Dare)

Ao3

Tim just wanted coffee. That’s really all he desired in life. Coffee. His position as Red Robin. And Wayne Industries to get its shit together for one goddamn day. In that order.

“Are you shitting me? I was a fucking crime lord you little terror, I don’t give a fuck-”

He’d done an all-nighter in the Batcave. Again. Trying to crack a cold case he was sure had something to do with Riddler's vague warning a few nights ago. And he was so close, but his eyes had started to close for just a little too long.

So tell him why he walked into an argument that seemed to be based around the topic of murder, at 7 in the morning. Between Jason and Damian. Who both tried to kill him at least once. Respectively.

“And I am the Demon Prodigy of the League of Assassins. I could kill a man before I could speak.”

Tim stands in the doorway, contemplating if his need for coffee is higher than his potential rate of getting maimed in the dining room.

“Yeah, but you were fucking sheltered inside the bases like goddamn Rapunzel in her-”

“I was not sheltered. You of all people should know of Mother’s harshness for disobedience-“

“Oh and I’m sure you were so disobedient Mr. Goody Two Shoes-“

Ultimately, the urge for coffee wins. Tim crosses the kitchen as unnoticeably as he can, skirting the edges and keeping his footsteps as light as he can manage on 10 hours of sleep in the last week.

He’s busy, okay?

“I’ll admit I wasn’t raised to go against the orders of a higher-up but that did not mean-”

“Bull. Fucking. Shit.”

“Did my propensity for sneaking animals into the house escaped your notice? I thought you were better trained-“

“So what? You save every bird with a broken wing you come across, but you’d willingly slit the throat of a human?”

“Yes, Todd. That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

The coffee pot is half full. Tim counts this as the one redeeming factor of this morning. The threat of getting stabbed is nothing in the face of sweet, sweet caffeine.

“What’s your fucking number then?”

“I can’t possibly know the exact-“

“Oh no, you don’t get to pull that shit on me-“

Tim considers pouring himself a cup, but he’s gonna drink the whole thing anyway and he’s exhausted enough to zone out during Alfred’s inevitable lecture, so he takes the whole pot and tips it back.

“I was sent out for missions when I was barely more than a toddler. You can’t expect me to remember every-“

“Ra’s had files on every fucking mission I did while brain dead and high on Lazarus rage, there’s no fucking way he didn’t have an exact-“

Tim chugs his precious coffee. The temperature is surprisingly cool enough that he doesn't immediately burn his tongue. Not that a few scorched taste buds would stop Tim from inhaling the only thing between him and unconscious. But it’s the thought that counts.

“What’s yours then, Todd?”

“Nope. Not until you tell me yours first. I’m not about to have you raise the number because I told you mine.”

“That’s preposterous. I would do no such thing.”

Tim calculates his chances of making it back out of the kitchen with a quarter pot of coffee in his hands and decides his caffeine fix is safer off with a few counters between him and his homicidal brothers.

And yah know. His physical well-being. But that’s pretty low on his ‘fucks to give list’ at the moment.

“I don’t trust a fucking word coming out of your mouth-“

“There’s an easy way to settle this if you’d just-“

“What? Shut up? Drop the argument? No fucking-“

“We can write it down separately and then show it to each other at the same time."

“…huh.”

Tim looks up in genuine fear when both of his siblings go quiet. That’s never a good sign. Not in this house.

There’s a window to his right that he could probably smash through if it came to it.

Neither of them are looking at him though, just regarding each other with much less animosity than a few seconds ago. Tim decides he’s probably fine and goes back to his coffee.

“I will go retrieve a piece of paper and two pens.”

Damian leaves the room and Tim freezes like if he stays still enough it’ll keep Jason from noticing him. Unfortunately, now that his older brother’s attention is directed to his surroundings and not just screaming at a 12-year-old, he makes direct eye contact with Tim.

“Oh hey, Timmers. How long have you been here?”

Tim stares at him blankly. He- doesn’t know what answer Jason wants from him and he’s not willing to face his older brother’s wrath if he’d been having what he thought was a private conversation.

“Sorry about the noise. I hope we didn’t wake you up.” Jason says after it’s clear that he isn't getting answers out of Tim.

As if the manor isn’t literally soundproofed. For this exact reason.

Tim’s 17 years of social etiquette training won’t let him just not answer the open-ended comment, but god does he wish that it did.

“No, I was already up.”

Jason nods as if he was expecting that answer. Which is fair. Tim’s sure he looks just as tired as he feels. His eye bags could hold all of his emotional trauma. They’re Guchi.

“And does Alfred know you’re drinking straight from the pot?” Jason motions to the carafe Tim’s clutching like a lifeline. Because it is.

Tim opens his mouth to lie through his teeth, but is saved by Damian’s re-entry. Wow, he’s never been so glad to see his stab-happy younger brother.

True to his word, the kid’s carrying a few pieces of paper and pens. Tim could leave now. He could casually walk right past them, out of the kitchen, and back to the cave to keep working on his case, but dammit, he’s invested now.

He’s still not sure what this argument is about exactly, but he’s willing to wait a few more minutes to satiate his curiosity now that he’s tentatively sure that the argument isn’t going to evolve into physical violence.

“I’ve acquired the tools to finish this once and for all, Todd.” Damian announces, sliding half of his spoils to Jason.

“Great. We’ll write our body count down and on 3 we’ll turn ‘em around. Got it?”

“Don’t tell me what to do” Damian grumbles, but writes dutifully anyway. The kid would be funny if he didn’t back his threats up with swords.

Tim is. Still lost, but he’s always secretly wondered how many people his brothers have killed. In a morbid way. Mostly because he wants to know if the murder attempts on him were a particularly special event or just a pattern. For his mental health's sake.

“Got it?” Jason asks, holding his paper close to his chest so no one can peek. Tim doesn’t know who would, considering he’s the only one in the kitchen that’s not a part of this squabble, but Damian copies the movement and Tim finds himself inching closer, taking the last swig of his coffee.

“One.”

“Two.”

“Three!”

They flip the papers around and for a moment the kitchen is quiet.

“FUCK YEAH!” Jason pumps his fist in the air with a whoop. “Ha! Take that, Demon Brat! I’m the Robin with the highest kill count!”

Tim spits out his coffee and coughs violently. It’s partially because he got some in his lungs, but also to cover the incredulous laughter bursting uncontrollably out of him. It takes him a good few seconds to get his breathing under control, but when he looks up, his brothers are staring at him.

For a moment he’s tempted. So fucking tempted. Because he hasn’t told anyone anything more than bits and pieces about his time with the League. Hell, the only reason his family even knows about his little stint playing lap dog for Ra’s, is because he choked out a vague explanation about his missing spleen when he went into sepsis.

They don’t know about the missions he was sent on. The people he sold out. And most importantly, the multiple bases he blew up because he was crazier than the Joker after Bart and Kon’s death and then the near miss with Bruce.

The bases he absolutely didn’t evacuate. With hundreds of people inside. A few actually avalanched down mountainsides, and he’d eat his Batarang if any of them survived.

The only word he’d confidently use to describe his mental state then, is feral.

He didn’t have to blow them up. He really didn’t. A good few of the bases he’d never actually seen before he snuck in to level the place, but he’d been having a shitty year so naturally, he was going to make sure Ra’s got to have one too.

Not to mention that Tim was as depressed as he’d ever been and wasn’t particularly giving a lot of fucks about if he died during his warpath. He’d already lost a spleen, what were a few more organs?

So this argument? This competition? He finds it objectively fucking hilarious.

Damian and Jason are still staring at him in bewilderment, and for a moment -just a wild moment- he thinks about telling them.

Explaining how he was just. So done. And could only think of one way out, so he systematically hacked into every base he could get his hands on. Stole as many files as he could during his time constraint. And then blew all of them sky-high.

Thought about telling them how on one particularly bad night, gone through every log of the people in those bases. How he hadn’t been ‘sick’ as he claimed the week after he managed to crawl out of his safe house.

He was just too horrified to look anyone in the eye.

It would be funny to watch his family’s expressions go through the five stages of grief and add a few more just for funsies, if they even believed him at all. But no. Tim had his secrets and he was going to take them to the grave.

He grinned at his brothers, patted Jason on the shoulder with a quiet congratulations, and strolled out of the kitchen.

Tim had cases to solve and letting his family assume he wasn’t capable of murder was better for all of them in the long run.

No matter how wrong they were.

👻

In my defense. Writing prompts make the brain noodle go brr. You can blame @coffinbirds and @batcavescolony for these posts.

[codecicle]

happy fathers day. throws pebbles at you🥚

going to start barking and tearing this apart with my teeth THANK YOUUUUUU