#I STARED AT THIS FOR WAY TOO LONG FML

[onelittlespiral]

Hey dude, I'm just a lil bro looking for a big bro to take care of me in all sorts of ways but all I'm stuck with is my lousy nerd of a roommate. Could you help me out?

FML: Fraternize

My roommate was… chill all things considered. I don’t know, he was just the random guy that I got stuck with when all my bros decided to move into the house and I needed someone to take the lease with. Scruffy, for sure. A bit out of shape. He said he used to play soccer in high school. Cute, but that was about it. Nowadays he was just getting his degree in English. Just a guy. But I didn’t want just another guy.

I tried to be friends with the guy, but he always just blew me and my boys off. He would just say he was too busy studying or playing some video game to come out to the gym with us or hang at the frat. I finally decided I was fed up. I needed my roommate to be more than a rando in my house. I needed a bro. And the fraternity had some resources to make that happen.

They usually keep this kinda stuff for pledges who start stepping out of line, but my buddy slipped me the files that they show to help guys get in line. I don’t remember if I ever saw them myself… what ever. It was a series of videos that promised to turn any guy into a bro in no time flat. So, one night, I put the tapes on when my roommate was home:

“Hey man, I’ve gotta watch these for class, mind if I slip them on?”

“No problem, I’ll just hang out in my bedroom.”

“Actually, it may be something you would like. You should stay. Here, you chill here and I’ll listen while I cook. I’ll make enough to split.”

I turned the first tape on and went to cook up some chicken and rice. In the other room, I heard the video beginning. It wasn’t long before I started hearing my roommate responding to the commands:

You are loyal to your bros.

“I am loyal to my bros.”

When you are around them you feel relaxed.

“When I am around them I feel relaxed”

The gym feels like your second home.

“The gym feels like my second home.”

The frat is life. You are made to be loyal to the frat.

“I am made to be loyal to the frat.”

They kept pushing him in the background while I finished cooking some food. When I walked back into the room, static filled the screen as my roommate stared into space, drool dripping from his mouth. I turned of the TV and he seemed to come to his senses.

“Hey, sup bro? Got the fuel?”

Already he was much better, “Yeah man, chicken and rice.”

“Hell yeah, gotta get a good workout in before getting my homework done.”

We ate quickly and started getting ready for the gym.

“Hey, bro, you think they are still taking new pledges? I’ve been meaning to apply to your frat!”

I was shocked at how quick the progress had been, “Yeah man. I’ll hook you up with my peeps tomorrow.”

“Sweet, let me finish getting ready and we can go.”

Dang those videos were quick. Even the way he carried himself was so different. This is the bro I needed.

The week went on and we kept working out. I hooked my roommate up with the pledge master and he quickly started falling in with the bros. We worked out, partied, did almost everything together now. I gave the rest of the tapes back to my guy who gave them to me. He said he needed them for a few guys who had gotten a little hands-y with some girls at the last party. I was fine to get them back, I didn’t think there would be any more issues with my roommate.

The year flew by until it was time for spring break. I had opted to be my roommate’s big and done all the usual hazing and shit with him. Had to keep him on his A game, I wasn’t going to go east on him. The spring break frat trip was a rite of passage for the incoming pledges. As much as I wanted to go, I had plans to visit California with my partner. We were having a great time, chilling at the beach, shopping through souvenir stores, and hiking parks. But I made sure to get updates about how my roommate was enjoying his week. It was from one of these progress reports that I got word from the pledge master:

Hey, bro. Just letting you know. Your little bro was making some girls uncomfortable at the bar. Can’t have that causing issues for the frat.

Shit man. I’m sorry. Lemme talk to him.

Nah dude, it’s good. We have a protocol for these kinds things. Just letting you know so you aren’t surprised. We’ll make sure he won’t bother any girls again.

Thanks dude. Lemme know if you need anything.

Nah bruh, relax. Enjoy your vacay.

Well as long as they have shit handled. I went back to my vacation and forgot about the whole situation. I would give him crap for it when I got back. The rest of our trip was great. I didn’t hear anything more from my bros so I assumed it all went according to plan. I was eager to get back to my roommate and prep him for full brotherhood when I got back. It wasn’t till I walked into the apartment I knew something was awry:

“Sup, bro, welcome back.”

A deep voice echoed from the balcony. He stepped inside and was greeted by a stranger. His arms were as thick as a football, his legs as thick as tree trunks. The smell of sweat, sex, and stale beer followed him into the room. He had a fresh tattoo on his arm with the number 86 boldly displayed. The stranger walked with swagger up to me, like he owned the place. As he approached, his musk only grew more intense. It wasn’t until I noticed the glasses it all clicked into place:

“Bro… is that you?!?”

“Bruh, who else would it be?”

My roommate stood proudly in front of me. He had been going to the gym steadily but no amount of protein powder could explain the progress he had made in a week. He was also easily 3 inches taller. And the smell. I don’t know how to describe it but he smelled… virile. Like just being around him was starting to get me excited. He certainly had never been like this before.

“Looking good, right? Like the new tat? Year of our chapter’s founding, 1986. After all, I am made to be loyal to the frat.”

That line made it all click together. The tapes. They said they would handle the situation, I didn’t know they would use the tapes.

”Speaking of which, dude. I can’t believe you flaked on the frat and went on a trip with your partner. You’ve got to be loyal to your bros.”

His scent, his words, my mind was swimming in a way it hadn’t in a long time. He stepped towards me, grabbing my head. I was pulled into his pit. I tried to pull back but a hand on the back of my head held me firmly in place. I felt so aroused and so scared as I was forced to huff the scent of pure frat bro. I was… fading. I couldn’t… resist… my… my… bruhhhhh.

“I think that you should sit through the next set with me bro.”

My mind was blank as he told me to sit down on the couch. Of course, I would do anything for my frat bro. He put on a video and sat behind me.

“They said we could watch this one together.”

The video whirled to life as my roommate held me in place in his lap. A flash of color and a brief intro played. It explained that it was the last in a series of videos for brothers who were trouble makers in the frat. This last one was the most extreme. I felt a wave of guilt, knowing I had betrayed my brothers and the chapter. I wasn’t sure what I did but I knew it must be bad. My behavior had to change.

You will conform to the standard set by the frat, whatever it takes. You will be entirely dedicated to the brotherhood.

“I will be entirely dedicated to the brotherhood,” we both repeated, in unison.

Good. Since you have proven you can’t be trusted with making good decisions, your brothers have decided to make those for you. You will become the ultimate frat bro.

“I will become the ultimate frat bro.”

Let’s start on the outside. A brother works out daily, at least. Strong muscles make for a strong foundation.

As I repeated the words, they became my reality. I had certainly never been a scrawny guy before, but this was something else. My muscles convulsed all at once, then seemed to shred and burst. My muscles ached as pecs, biceps, abs all were pulled out of my body. I sweat under the effort as legs bloated and toned, bloated and toned. My back stretched out and shoulders mounded on muscle.

Good bro. Now, a brother should be cocky, with a cock to match. All the other fraternities should know how superior we are.

‘Shiiit, no other frat could even come close. We threw the best parties, had the hottest girls and… fuck the hottest guys. With a bod like this, just about no body could resist.’ As those thoughts echoed in my head, there was a sharp pain in my balls as they started to swell. My cock snaked down my shorts, throbbing with newfound power and size. A moan escaped my mouth as my cock swelled thick as a beer can. Anyone would beg for a cock like this.

A frat bro with a cock like that just needs to fuck. Your libido keeps your mind so full that you hardly have time to pass your business classes.

My swollen balls began to churn as my cock came to life. As my mind was thrust into a deep sexual haze, any aspirations I had on my pre-law track were pushed out, draining right to my balls and slowly leaking out my cock. At the same time, I felt my roommate begin to shift behind me. I felt his cock press against the small of my back, throbbing as it was thrust into overdrive. He began slowly humping against my back, and I leaned back against that massive cock. I wanted to help my bro however I could. He wrapped his arms around me and slowly started jacking me off. My mind was in pure bliss as I was kicked into overdrive. His arms felt so warm and strong, and he was pushing all my buttons till I was thrusting into his hands.

The frat is a part of you. You live, breath, and sweat the frat. Everyone who meets you will know exactly what you’re about and submit to you, an alpha bro. You put the reek in Greek.

My mind processed for a second until the smell hit me from behind and I understood. My hormones shifted as sweat poured out. It was hard work being a fraternity brother, and everyone would know that. I worked overtime as the smell of straight frat filled my nostrils. The apartment changed in response, filled with leftover beers, used tank tops, and soaked underwear. Anyone who entered would fall into an immediate haze, the smell of bros clouding their mind. My mind was… so… slow. Just… needed… FUCK.

You will keep it simple, keep it stupid.

“I will keep it simple, keep it stupid.”

My head felt like it was filled with fluff. No thoughts, just instinct.

You will listen to your pledge master, follow all he says.

“I will listen to my pledge master, follow all he says.”

It was so much easier to just trust my bros. Whatever they said went.

You will live for and serve your bros, live for and serve the frat.

“I will live for and serve my bros and the frat.”

I would do anything for my bros. Gotta keep ‘em happy.

The frat is life.

“The frat is life.”

My roommate’s cock was still rock hard behind me. His grip was edging me as moaned for release. I could dedicate my life to men like him.

Thank you for your cooperation. There will be no further issues. Now cum.

And I did. Ropes shot across the floor as all the changes were set in stone. I was just another frat dude, struggling through Business classes and fucking through the night.

And with that the video ended. It took a sec for me to regain my senses. I slowly refocused my eyes and… fuck bruh my head is pounding. Musta partied too hard last night. Shit, I was drooling all over myself, lol. I mean, I’m hot but not that hot. And fuck, I made a mess. Bro, what happened? It’s already late, I’ve got to get ready to go out tonight.

I was going to throw on a polo and some shorts when my roommate put a hand on my shoulder. This man must’ve got a double dose of whatever I got. Bro, he was on another fucking level. He pulled me in tight, cupped my ass in his hands, held my chin, and slid his tongue in my mouth. All at once, my world shifted as the fraternity’s motto rang in my head, I will be entirely dedicated to the brotherhood. An aching in my balls told me that I wasn’t going to make it out tonight. I had my frat bro… no, my big bro right here. And he will take care of his little bro. He pulled down his sweatpants and a thick rod popped out from the waistband. He gently guided me to his cock, the true source of his musk. Our scents mingled as my thoughts were consumed by sex. The salty taste of pre coated my tongue as the tip slid down the back of my throat. My mind faded as the smell of the frat filled my nostrils. I was lost in bliss as my bro started pumping, pumping down my throat. Gone was the nerdy roommate I had:

There was nothing left but frat bro.

[serverusslaype]

Shameless, pt. 10

Severus Snape x professor!reader fic

Shameless Masterpost

it's ya girl, back again...! 😼

hello, hi, how are you all? :) hope you are doing well! i'm feeling a lot better, i'm just congested now fml </3

this chapter is shorter, but not too short. as in it's not as long as the previous ones - they were like 6,000 words+, this is only 4,000-5,000 i think. The main reason is because it didn't really make sense to me to have it longer. so i hope you guys enjoy it!

thank you for all the likes, reblogs and most importantly the replies you left on the last chapter, they had me fucking dying oh my lord. 😭 you guys are so funny honestly. please keep leaving stuff like that it truly makes me laugh and makes my day 🌟🩷

Also guys what the fuck since when could you attach songs????? IM ABOUT TO GO BACK AND ADD SOME ON THE PREVIOUS CHAPTERS BECAUSE WHATTT MIND BLOWN

without further ado......

You trailed behind McGonagall and Snape, keeping your eyes glued to the floor in front of you as your body was still on fire from your encounter with Severus.

"How on Earth did Black manage to slip into the castle?" Snape hissed, briefly looking at McGonagall who was striding beside him, her brows laced together with worry. A shiver slid down your spine as Snape's stern voice bounced off of the stone corridor, creating a rather dramatic echo. Only moments ago were you about to kiss the man, totally disregarding the fact that you were seeing Ben. What a fucking mess.

Then again, you thought, how could anyone not get lost in his eyes? Gods, you were such a pathetic excuse for a woman as of right now.

Severus's eyes were distracting, almost magnetic-like, as they beckoned you to look further within them, silently persuading you to forget about anything and everything that mattered to you. You were sure he didn't intend to do such a thing, or maybe that's what you were telling yourself, but in that intimate moment with him, you couldn't help but feel inclined to kiss him. Whether it was the heat of the moment or not, you were sure he wanted to kiss you too.

"We're not sure," McGonagall replied, sighing in a distressed manner as she ripped you from your self-destructive thoughts. "Even Albus is baffled as to how he eluded our defences." You flicked your eyes up to glance at Minerva. You sort of felt like you shouldn't be here, it's not like you'd be much help if Black appeared in front of you right this second - your knowledge and skill in combat was nowhere near the level of McGonagall and Snape, you were certain that you'd probably be a burden. The thought of slipping away down a corridor poked at your brain, taunting you.

"Y/N?" Minerva's worrisome voice once again pulled you from your thoughts. You looked up, face flushing as you met Severus's curious eyes. Quickly glancing away, you focused your attention on the Gryffindor Head of House, afraid of the outcome if you stared any longer at him.

"Yes?" You cleared your throat, ignoring the way Severus was side-eyeing you from behind Minerva.

"Would you mind going to check the greenhouses?" She asked. Severus snapped his head at Minerva, clearly in disagreement with her proposal. You frowned slightly at his quick reaction, a tad offended.

"Minerva, I don't think that's a wise idea." Severus said rather sternly, glancing at you for a brief moment. Your face felt hot again.

"Y/N is more than capable of handling herself, Severus." Minerva replied, matching his stern tone. Severus's jaw ticked as he huffed quietly, looking away from the the older witch, silently feuding with her decision. She turned to you and offered a reassuring smile. You appreciated the faith that she had in you, but you weren't sure it was... correctly placed, to put it lightly. You pursed your lips, slightly awkward, stuck between staring at Severus's doubtful eyes and Minerva's confident ones. As you met Snape's eyes, he looked away, his brows furrowing. Your stomach somersaulted, but you weren't sure it was in the positive way you wanted. "Severus, check the dungeons." Minerva ordered, and he obliged with a curt nod, leaving almost immediately without a blink at you.

You shut your eyes briefly, fighting the urge to scream. Fuck, did you just make it extremely awkward between you two? Or was that just him being his naturally dismissive self? Was he just saving face because the two of you were in the presence of McGonagall? Did he actually lean in to kiss you as well or... did you imagine that?

"Y/N?" Minerva called, once again pulling you from your thoughts.

"Hm?" You blinked, eyes widening quickly as you realised you had a job to do. "Sorry, I was just-"

The older witch gently touched your forearm, causing you to look up at her with twinkling eyes. "What's going on with you and Severus?" Minerva questioned you, keeping her voice low but curious. As you looked at her, hesitantly, you saw sadness in her eyes, or perhaps... pity? "I know what I saw." She added rather glumly. You were a little confused at her tone, why did she seem so... sad about this?

"I don't know what you're talking about." You choked out awkwardly. Her brows knitted together as she leant her head back slightly, almost like she was disappointed in you.

"Don't make me sound like a fool, Y/N." She said. That was the same tone she had taken with you when you were a student. You immediately tore your eyes away.

"I..." Your mouth stayed open for a moment, unsure of what to say. "It's... complicated."

"It always is with Severus." Minerva sighed through her nose, a little agitated. You looked back and tilted your head at her, confused.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Severus is a complicated man, Y/N. I'm not sure you're aware of just how far his... trauma... goes." She said quietly, her tone switching back to it's usual soft one. You broke your gaze from Minerva's and shifted it to the ground thoughtfully.

"Nothing will come of it," You shook your head as the image of Ben flooded your mind. You winced. "It was a mistake, I shouldn't have done that, it was just a spur of the... moment... sort of thing." You shrugged, trying to ignore the pain that was currently blossoming in your chest at the sound of your own words. "I'm, err, seeing someone, anyway."

"Oh?" Minerva quirked a brow at you. This must sound so disorderly to her. You're seeing someone, but she had walked in on you almost kissing Severus? She probably thinks you're some kind of harlot that can't keep her legs closed now. Jesus. Nice one.

"Um, Benjamin- Benjamin Bluewater, I'm sure you're familiar with that name..." You trailed off, shrinking as you awaited her answer. You knew he wasn't a fond topic amongst the teachers at Hogwarts back in the day, so you were always preparing yourself for a scolding or some sort of judgemental remark.

"Oh, yes, I remember Mr Bluewater." Minerva hummed thoughtfully, staring at you with her inquisitive eyes. You felt as if you had to explain yourself.

"In regards to the... thing you saw- Severus and I, it's complicated, like I said, there's this weird... tension between us-" You were rambling now, and you couldn't stop yourself. Merlin, someone stop you, please. "I can't really explain it, I mean I have feelings for him, but he didn't feel the same, then I-I met Ben, and then today happened, and... it's just a whole... mess, Minerva, I don't know what to do." You huffed, clearly distressed with the situation. You looked down at the floor, your cheeks flushing with embarrassment, too worked up to even look your colleague and former-professor in the eye. "I'm sorry, I know there's another situtation at hand and I shouldn't be bothering you with such... trivial things but..." As you looked up, a soft smile had made it's way onto her face. You were rather shocked to see that. You'd expected another disappointed frown.

"Y/N," Minerva said soothingly, placing a calming hand upon your frantic ones, "as much as I respect and admire Severus, I think you should focus on Benjamin." She sighed softly. "Save your heart. Severus will only break it." A sad smile crossed her features, almost like she knew how you felt. Your mouth was parted - mainly from shock. Perhaps you should listen to Minerva, she'd known Severus for much, much longer than you have. You didn't know what to say, so you only nodded, closing your mouth slowly. "Now, I have to find Albus. Will you make sure the greenhouses are safe?"

"Of course." You swallowed, a feeling of uncertainty settling upon you.

"Lumos." You muttered, aiming your wand in the darkened room, the reflections of your wand glittering against the mossy windows. Your eyes darted around the greenhouse, searching for any sign of Black having been inside or nearby.

Everything seemed to be as you'd left it. All of your assignments were in the correct place, no plants nor pots had been knocked over and broken... no signs of forced entry... A sigh of relief slipped out of you, your tense body relaxing. Though, before you got too comfortable, the sound of a twig snapping behind you reversed all indications of your relief.

"Jesus!" You cried out, whirling around like a bullet, your frightened eyes softening a tad as they fell upon a tall, cloaked figure - none other than Severus Snape. "Please, can you not do that?!" You sighed, a hand flying to your chest in a feeble attempt to settle your racing heart as your cheeks painted themselves pink.

An amused smirk tugged at Snape's lips as his hands were clasped behind his back, staring down at you. "And not witness the terrified look upon your face?" Severus quipped, clearly relishing in your entertaining reaction. "I must disagree."

"At least let me know you're there, I could have hurt you." You replied with a glare, looking up to see an incredulous brow cocked up on Severus's face. You rolled your eyes at him. "Okay, I wouldn't have hurt you, but still, just... tell me next time." You huffed, rather exhaustedly. "Why are you here anyway? Aren't you meant to be checking the dungeons?" 

"I did." Severus nodded, allowing his eyes to study your still-petrified, yet red face. You swallowed, feeling rather vulnerable under his gaze. He seemed to hesitate for a moment, debating whether to speak again. "I just wanted to make sure you were... alright."

"Oh," You choked, feeling like someone had just winded you. Did he really just say that? "I'm okay." You said, placing your wand back inside the pocket of your forest-green robes.

"I can see that." Severus muttered, blinking slowly at you. McGonagall's words uttered in your mind as you felt yourself becoming lost in his dark, black eyes once more.

'Save your heart. Severus will only break it.'

"We should head back." You cleared your throat as your soft voice pierced the blanket of silence that had fallen upon the two of you. "The greenhouses are clear. I doubt Black would choose to hide out here, it's not exactly... erm, tidy." An embarrassed grimace twisted your features as you glanced around the room.

"I don't suppose it helps when one is bombarded with... gifts." Severus said, spitting the last word out like it was poison. You glanced up at him, frowning.

"And what's wrong with that?" You folded your arms against your chest rather defensively.

"In my humble opinion," Severus gave a curt sigh through his nostrils, evidently disapproving of Ben's tendency to send you a copius amount of flowers amongst other things. "Few small, meaningful gifts are far more superior than a prolific amount of materialistic gifts." He finished, sneering slightly at the wilting flowers that were dotted around your greenhouse, all adorned with different handwritten notes. Inside, you agreed with Snape, and you wished that that was the case with Ben, but he just seemed to think that throwing gold and flowers at you would keep you interested. Of course, you didn't mind him sending you such things, you were grateful, but it was getting a little tiresome. 

"Just because you don't get any." You teased, trying to hide the cheeky smile that tugged at your lips. Severus's head snapped to yours, an icy glare piercing your soul. You shivered slightly, a little sheepish as his sharp eyes dug into yours.

"I don't need gifts to satisfy my ego." He quipped, turning his nose up at you. Clearly, he didn't appreciate your light-hearted joke.

"Right, because talking down on people does that for you." You retorted, narrowing your eyes at Severus. Your patience was thin today, obviously.

"You seem to have grown a backbone, Y/N." Severus stepped towards you.

"I need one with you." You huffed, turning away from him. Severus watched curiously as you stepped away from him, his eyes trailing down your back, silently admiring your robes. He couldn't help but notice how pretty you looked in green. He thought it suited you better than your usual yellow and black. Perhaps he was just being selfish, imagining you in his House colour.

"Are you quite done?" Severus voiced. You cast a confused glance at him.

"With?" You frowned, cocking a brow expectantly.

"Having a tantrum." He replied, infamously cocking his brow at you.

"You're joking, right?" You scoffed at him, taking the bait like a fool. You turned yourself around to face him. "I made a lighthearted joke and you took it personally." The corners of his lips tugged upwards slightly in amusement. At this point it was too easy for him to wind you up. "What are you smiling about?" You stepped towards him, challenging him. He was getting underneath your skin.

"It's a pity that big mouth of yours doesn't match up with your brain." Severus said languidly, his deep voice sending a shockwave through your body. You had to swallow to compose yourself as your stomach began to tingle. He stood motionless in front of you, his hands still clasped behind his back, though you were blind to the fact that he was currently squeezing them harder the closer you got.

"Big mouth?" A gasp fell from your lips as you stared up at Severus, your eyes narrowing into a glare. "That's rich coming from you." You retorted, feeling your cheeks grow hot as you held his gaze. His lips twisted into a smirk as he closed the space between you with another step, that familiar smell of him overwhelming you.

"Is it?" Severus challenged you, silently enjoying your vain show of determination. He set his shoulders back as he stared down at you with scrutinising eyes, studying every inch of your pinkening face. He was getting a reaction out of you, and he was loving it.

"Yes." You panted. At this point, you were so worked up and distracted by his words and luscious scent that you hadn't noticed how unravelled you'd become. Your chest was heaving, breaths quiet and deep, your cheeks flushed unashamedly. You were a breathless mess. Your body was begging for Severus at this point. You were desperate for him to touch it, to even just lay a finger on it- anything. You had to relieve this ache.

"Please, enlighten me, Y/N." Severus whispered, leaning in towards you. A growl bubbled in your throat as you glared at him, your irked eyes boring into his. You were so tense and wound up that you couldn't talk. Your words were so jumbled together that you just couldn't form a coherent sentence without embarrassing yourself. "Hmm," Severus hummed, tilting his head at you, as if he was analysing you like an equation. "Didn't think so." He added smugly, the corner of his mouth quirking upwards.

"You're such an arsehole." You exhaled, shoving him with a flat palm. He didn't budge. Instead, his hand flew to your wrist, gripping it like an iron vice. Your eyes widened as Severus's once-smirking lips fell into a serious, flat line, his eyes burning.

"Weren't you taught that you mustn't... touch... what... isn't... yours?" Severus tutted, articulating each syllable with a hint of venom. You wished that wasn't the case, but in this world, you rarely get what you want. 

You clenched your jaw at Severus, tugging at your wrist in a vain attempt to free it. His grasp tightened, and you balled your fist. "Let go." You whispered as he tugged you towards him, just mere milimeters separating your bodies. Severus's eyes burned into yours, your body betraying you as it erupted into goosebumps; his face dangerously close to yours once more.

"Where are your manners?" Severus whispered back harshly, his hot breath dancing across your face once more, teasing you. You let your eyes flick between his, hesitating as they dropped down his face, eyeing his lips.

"Perhaps you need to teach me some." You taunted, breathless, your mind jaded. Not one appropriate thought was racing through your mind right now. Severus's brow quirked at your reply, quite obviously taken aback.

"An insufferable brat like you is unteachable." Severus spat back, baring his teeth. The insult didn't do it's job of hurting you, rather, it... aroused you. Your bodies were grazing against one another now, and the way his chest was scraping against yours was sending you into overdrive.

"You wanna bet?" You growled as he released your wrist after one more relentless tug from you. Severus kept his arm raised for a moment, his palm splayed as he glared down at you, your noses almost as close as they were just hours ago. Silence encased the two of you again, only your irregular, ragged breathing being the one thing that the two of you could hear. He was the first to break it.

Gods, you were so close. At this very moment, you had no care left inside of you. You were shameless for him. You couldn't hold yourself back anymore.

After several insufferable seconds, you threw your lips against his; the electric jolt that shot through you almost unbearable as a stifled moan slipped from your lips. A muffled grunt growled at the back of Severus's throat as his hands flew to your hips, kissing you back with such thirst and force you were worried he'd leave bruises around your mouth. His long, slender fingers dug into your clothed flesh like the desperation of a starved man as he pulled you taut against him, his left hand gliding down your arm to grasp messily at your hands, guiding them to sit around his neck. You allowed your fingers to comb through his thick, raven locks; nails grating at his scalp, prompting a delectable, throaty groan from him. Your legs tingled at the sultry noise. The rough, black buttons of his frock dug into your bared chest as he hauled you closer with greedy hands, the coarse texture scraping against your skin, bound to leave thin red scratches across your breast. A strangled cry fell from your lips as Severus teethed your bottom lip, playfully pulling at it. He released it and pressed another heated, sloppy kiss against your swollen mouth, your lids fluttering as you felt yourself melt into his addictive touch.

Severus pulled away from you, a begging whine falling from your lips. "So needy." He teased, breath hot and dangerous.

"Shut up." You muttered through gritted teeth, pulling him back onto you, your body igniting once more his lips met yours.

Pressing your aching body against his, Severus's cold hand slipped up to the back of your hot neck and brought your face impossibly closer to his; your spine aflame as delicious chills shot down it. With burning lungs, you parted your lips, darting your wet tongue into his mouth. Severus let out a heavenly whimper as your tongue licked against his, sending a rush of blazing heat through his shuddering body. Suddenly, he was pushing you backwards, lips still locked in a ferocious fight as the backs of your thighs hit the edge of your desk. Severus's hands swiftly slid from your waist and hooked themselves beneath your bum, inducing a breathy gasp to fall out of you as he lifted you up onto the wooden desk, the two of you disregarding everything that lay upon it. Including handwritten notes from Ben. You felt him smirk against your quivering mouth at the sensual noise that left you, clearly proud at what a panting, desperate mess he'd made you.

As he shuffled you onto the desk, your back knocked over a silver candle holder.

"Careful." You whispered against him, your eyes opening to shoot him a warning glare, though a hint of playfulness was hidden within your lustful voice.

"Shut up." Severus demanded, ultimately silencing you as he forced his mouth on yours, drowning you with his devilish tongue.

Your hands snaked down from the smooth skin of his neck, heading towards his chest, fingers clamping around the edges of his black cloak. Tugging him closer, you laid back on your desk with interlocked lips and Severus gladly obliged, leaning over you, planting a steadying hand beside your head. His other hand caressed your waist in a back-and-forth manner, feeling you, sending your body into a frenzy. Your wet, bruised lips fought against his, noses pressing into each other's cheeks. He pulled another moan from you as he gently brushed his hand against the side of your breast, teasing you.

Before Severus could trace his fingers down your middle, the crack of a branch in the distance ripped the two of you from your intense, sweaty encounter. Immediately, you and Severus pulled away from each other's faces with an audible, wet smooch, the both of you glancing to the source of the noise; breaths still heavy, hands still glued to one another's bodies intimately.

"What was that?" You whispered, fingers tightening around the silky material of his cloak. Instinctively, Severus's hand tensed around you protectively as he let his eyes search the dark; foggy mind racing.

"I don't know," He whispered back, turning back to look at you underneath him after he deemed it safe. You looked ethereal. Your hair was messily splayed-out behind your head, parts of it drooping over the opposite edge of the desk he was leant over. Your cheeks were red and flushed, lips swollen and pink, almost bruised from how harshly Severus had attacked them. After several seconds of admiring his work, he spoke. "Look at you," he hummed, a dangerous smirk painting his face, "what a beautiful mess." He let his eyes rake over your shuddering body, lingering on the red marks that scattered your bare chest. If possible, you blushed harder, your hands reluctantly flying up to fold against you, framing your breasts almost perfectly. Severus bit back a groan. "We should head back, I wouldn't want the others to think Black had had his way with you."

You rolled your eyes at him, a little irked. He'd learned perfectly well how to get under your skin. "What, you don't think I can hold my own against him?"

"Certainly not." Severus answered simply, stepping back from you and offering a hand to help you up. You wanted to protest against his answer, however, you knew he was right. There was no way you could fend off Sirius Black of all wizards. You'd just become another statistic to him. As you took Severus's hand and slipped off of the desk in one swoop, his eyes fell on the notes from Ben that you'd been laid upon. He let out a disapproving hum. You frowned and followed his eyes. Your stomach dropped and your body ran cold at the now slightly damaged notes.

"Shit." You exhaled as you stared down awkwardly at the ripped parchment.

"Shit, indeed." Severus repeated, side-eyeing you with a cocked brow. You glared at him. "Who would have thought, committing adultery with another professor at Hogwarts could be such an interesting feat?" He teased, stepping towards you, intentionally brushing his shoulder against yours.

You swallowed thickly, trying to ignore how close Severus was to you. "It's not like it was serious," You sighed curtly, running a stressed hand through your hair. "I mean, we've only been seeing each other for like, almost... four... months..." You trailed off, your shoulders feeling rather heavy as a strong wave of guilt flooded you. Were you really trying to justify your actions?

"Four months?" Severus sounded impressed.

"...Yes." You replied, avoiding his amused eyes. "You can wipe that smirk off your face right now." You scolded, casting a daring glance his way. For a moment, you admired how he looked - his hair was a little scruffy from where you'd had your hands buried in it, lips partially reddened from how you'd kissed him only moments ago. A hot blush took to your cheeks as you stared at him, your mind reeling back to how he'd grabbed you and pulled you so close against him, like he was scared you'd disappear into thin air.

"We can decide what to do later." Severus stated, slipped his wand from his sleeve and casting Lumos, illuminating the once-darkened greenhouse. "For now, let's return. I'm sure Minerva is wondering where we've disappeared to."

We? Did you hear him correctly?

Before you could question him, he already had his hand pressed against the small of your back, ushering you out of the greenhouse and back towards the castle entrance.

"I've searched the Astronomy Tower and the owlery, sir, but there's nothing there." Filch's decrepid-like voice came from in front of you as Severus escorted you into the Great Hall, his hand falling from your back as you neared Dumbledore and the other staff. You felt a little bummed at the loss of contact, but you didn't exactly want to out yourselves immediately. Speaking of that, you weren't even sure if anything was going to happen between you and Severus, maybe he'd change his mind again like he did last Christmas...

As you glanced around, you noticed every single student was asleep in the Hall, gentle snores slipping from their peaceful faces. You felt a little relieved that they were all safe and sound.

"Yes, the third floor is clear too, sir." Professor Flitwick said to Dumbledore, his beady eyes peering at the old man through his glasses. As the sound of yours and Severus's footsteps began to echo in the large hall, Flitwick turned, staring at the two of you. Clasping his hands together, he watched you and Severus stroll towards him.

"The greenhouses are empty as well, sir." You spoke, offering a polite smile to Flitwick. He happily returned it, averting his attention back to Dumbledore.

"Very good, thank you." Dumbledore acknowledged you with a small smile as you reached him. You stopped just beside Flitwick, your stomach flipping as Severus continued passed you. His addicting scent glided along with him, a pink tinge staining your cheeks as you inhaled. You turned away from Flitwick, afraid he'd notice your poorly-hidden reaction.

Severus was next to speak as he halted himself beside Dumbledore. "And I've done the dungeons, Headmaster, no sign of Black, nor anywhere else in the castle." He said, his deep baritone ruffling your feathers. You cleared your throat, quietly, glancing away from him. You could hardly control yourself right now. That moment in your greenhouse had really messed with your self-control. Severus glanced at you sideways, a tiny smirk picking at his lips. He must have noticed your crumbling composure.

Flitwick eyed the two of you, a perplexed expression crossing his features.

"I didn't really expect him to linger." Dumbledore replied, hooking Severus's attention from you. Flitwick used this moment to slip away to keep a watchful eye over the slumberous students.

"Remarkable feat, don't you think? To enter Hogwarts on one's own... completely undetected?" The Potions Master drawled as he and Dumbledore began to slowly walk forwards. You caught up to them and settled yourself beside Severus, sheepishly glancing up at him, your hands settling in front of your hips. He glimpsed at you, cocking a brow questioningly, a tingling sensation building in your stomach as you stared up at him.

"Quite remarkable, yes." The Headmaster agreed, his hands floating behind his back, subsiding as they intertwined themselves. The three of you continued walking between the rows upon rows of sleeping students, your shoulders brushing against Severus's now and again.

"Any ideas on how he might've managed it?" You asked quietly, your voice curious but concerned. Dumbledore glanced at you with his wise eyes, rather surprised at you. When the older wizard was around, you tended you keep quiet. However, with Severus beside you, a newfound confidence had arisen within you.

"Many. Each as unlikely as the next." He replied, turning back to focus on the path in front of him.

Severus spoke again, his voice rattling you. It felt as if someone had let off a grand show of fireworks in your chest. "You may recall, prior to the start of term I did express concerns about your appointment of Professor Lupin-"

Dumbledore quickly interrupted him, his voice strict and unforgiving. "Not a single professor inside this castle would help Sirius Black to enter it," he said, looking to Severus, "no, I'm quite convinced this castle is safe, and I'm more than willing to send the students back to their houses." You glanced away for a moment, zoning out as you glazed over the large stained window that had the crest of all four houses set within it. Your eyes lingered on Slytherin and Hufflepuff, flicking between them thoughtfully. Could a Slytherin and Hufflepuff truly work together?

As you'd stopped to admire the window, Dumbledore and Severus had continued on forwards. You stood still, your eyes falling onto Severus's tall, black cloaked figure, a deep sigh leaving your nostrils. Was this a good idea? Crossing the line with a colleague? Or was this a recipe for disaster? You wanted it to work out, but you had your doubts. Minerva's words were etched deep into your mind, and they slowly slithered out of the woodworks, chanting in your head tauntingly.

'I'm not sure you're aware of just how far his trauma goes.'

'Save your heart. Severus will only break it.'

'Focus on Benjamin.'

Oh, Merlin, Ben.

What were you going to do about him...? Do you tell him you kissed Severus? Do you just break it off silently? No, he deserves to know. You needed to be an adult and admit to your wrongs, whether it made you look like a sack of shit or not. You'd made your bed, and now you had to lie in it.

Just as you were going to return to Severus's side, a familiar voice called your name.

"Y/N!"

You turned around, your head snapping towards the voice like a bolt of lightning. All colour had drained from your face as your widened eyes became glued onto the one person you did not want to see right now.

Ben jogged towards you, a worried expression twisting his features.

No, please, no, not right now. This could not be happening right now...

talk about perfect timing, hey?

sorry this was such a short chapter!! i wanted to make it longer, but what better than to keep you in suspense? i hope you have partly forgiven me for this chapter... </3

let me know what you thought!! your replies on the previous chapter had me rolling omfg.

daily reminder that i love you all and to make sure you are taking care of yourselves!! thank you all so much for your continued support, it really means a lot to me, and i hope i am doing this story justice, i have- well, had a plan, but it's sort of gone a different way... however, i’m liking it. :) i hope you are too!

Part 11!

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[agoracactus]

Golden Crush - Heimdall

i just have to write something since i saw that one beautiful pic of heimdall reading, i dont have the pic nor do i remember which lovely ppl posted that sorry

also merry christmas!!

also's also idk whats wrong with me having the urge to write every time when its super late and my eyes half closed fml

Pairing: Heimdall x reader

Word count: 1545

Warning: no proofread goodnight!

<Your POV>

He's the most beautiful god you've ever seen.

You're not sure how you started to feel this way, but it's too late now- not like you're looking to change your mind anyways.

You love staying away and stealing glances when he's around, knowing he's either feeling bored, or enjoying belittling someone, or trying to impress the All-father. You tell yourself this works out perfectly- having a crush on a god with a stick up his ass that absolutely no one likes- means you won't fall in love with him. You don't need to fall in love, there are things far more important like, life, and living one.

You were tasked to clean up Odin's hall that afternoon when everyone was out training. So you went, pushed open the heavy door with your back, with your arms full with a half-filled bucket, a rug and a broom, humming a tune you made up.

You froze when you saw him sitting by one of the tables, reading.

The golden sunlight poured in and he bathed in it. You watched his braids shimmering in the light with his slight movements, purple eyes focusing on the pages, slender fingers breaking a piece of cheese next to him and gently pushing it between his thin lips-

"Ahem."

You blinked.

Those eyes were looking right at you.

"These tables aren't going to clean themselves." he had a slight frown on his face.

" -! Yes, sorry." you quickly averted your gaze and rushed to the tables furthest away from him, flustered.

Did you stare for too long? How long? Did he get a read on you? Did he know?

Your mind was such a mess that you didn't even know if you were doing your job right. You tried to focus on what you were doing with your back turned towards him, but you couldn't help but feel the burn on your back.

You didn't know if you want to take as long as possible to clean this side of the table- risking him putting his attention on you and getting scolded again, or getting it done as soon as you can- and move on to the table he's sitting at and risk getting his attention again. But all cleaning has to come to an end.

You squeezed the cloth dry and took a deep breath, mentally preparing yourself to move on to the table he was at. You turned around- someone was standing right behind you.

Water in the bucket splashed out with your sudden stopping, drenching your shirt.

He of course was right out of the zone of dirty cloth water.

"Indolent and clumsy, tell me, who decided that it would be wise to let you clean for the All-father?" he took a disgusted glance at the dirty puddle at your feet.

"I, I'm sorry..." You panicked, quickly kneeled down to clean up the mess you made. He crouched down, watched for a second, then snatched your wrist. You weren't sure what was the purpose of that, did you do something wrong again?

Before you could form a reaction, he suddenly leaned in and pressed his lips upon yours.

Your eyes widen, frozen in place, staring back at those sparkly purple eyes.

<Heimdall's POV>

At first, it was simply curiosity.

He was passing through the training ground, and felt something different. He had to do another glance-around to figure out where it came from, then saw you quickly turned away.

He wasn't sure what it was. Usually people's intentions towards him were very clear, it's either fear, frustration, jealousy or any sort of hostility. This was something new.

He started doing his own little experiments. Taking paths he didn't normally take, engaging in activities he didn't have to take part in, putting himself in the center of the attention, or hiding away in the corner... Then he was finally confident to come to the conclusion that you only have that weird emotion when he's around, and you only react to him.

Of course he had read it before, sometimes from teenagers hiding away in the back side of the houses, sometimes in the hall between some einherjars... Never towards him. Which intrigued him even more.

He felt your presence immediately when you pushed your way into the hall. He felt you staring. And somehow it became very hard to suppress a smile. He couldn't pay attention to what he was reading anymore, instead he kept listening to what you were doing. He found himself getting impatient at how slow you were cleaning that one row of tables.

He didn't even fully comprehend what happened when he's been shoved and fell backward onto the ground. He heard you running away and the door of the hall closing behind you.

What went wrong? Did he read you wrong?- No, impossible, he is the God of Foresight, he'll never read anyone wrong. Confusion soon turned into anger. Did you just reject him? How dare you?

He wanted answers. But you were nowhere to be found. For days, he patrolled everywhere he had seen you, but he couldn't find you, not even sense you.

It was at a huge drinking party where he found you- in the corner, serving people.

A sense of success washed over him before he swiftly parted the crowd to stand before you- and the somewhat cheery feeling slid away when he saw your warm smile turned into an awkward grin.

What's the intention he's getting now?

He heard you mumble something before slipping away into the crowd, eyes never meeting his.

And what's this feeling in the pit of his stomach?

<Your POV>

You've been avoiding him since the day he kissed you.

You still weren't sure what happened, a part of you thought it was all just a dream. Perhaps you thought about him too often. It couldn't have been true, no, it would be more likely that you approached him and assaulted him... On second thought, it could be exactly that. You took advantage of the Asier god and twisted the memory in your head...

Most likely he already knew your feelings towards him. That's why. He's always been a jerk, he just wanna make fun of you. Or perhaps you did something and that's his way of punishing you?...

Either way, it's better that you keep your distance.

It took you a lot of effort to stay out of the way. You saw him showing up at all the places you had to be, and had to take a hard turn and duck out of his sight. But you couldn't run forever.

You found him outside, at the back of the drinking hall, drunk.

It got you worried because he was never drunk. But he was, here, slouching against the wall.

"...Heimdall?" you approached carefully.

"...Look who's here," he raised his empty mug, "Pour me another drink!"

"You're quite drunk." you tried to take his mug away. "Aren't you here to serve? Serve!" he raised his voice, swatting your hand away.

You stood there, staring at him.

"...What is that?..." he squinted his eyes, "Is that pity?... How dare you..." he tried to stand upright, but the moment he left the support of the wall he started leaning right. You quickly step forward, held onto his arm, and helped him lean back against the wall.

"...How dare you change your mind..." he mumbled. "I'm sorry?" you gently took the mug from his hand. "You!" he frowned, "Don't you like me?"

You nervously gripped the mug with both of your hands, "...So you do know..." eyes fixed on the rim of the empty mug, "...Did you, kiss me just to mock me?"

"..."

You waited, but there's no response. You raised your gaze and met those purple eyes.

"...Your eyes are beautiful." he said, almost in a whisper.

"...What?"

"...Don't change it." he took a step towards you, wobbly. "...Change what?" "What you feel, towards me." he leaned forward, putting his arms around you, "It's quite nice..." resting his head on your shoulder, "...And stop running..." his words ended up slurred. You froze, feeling his weight on you.

"...Heimdall?"

No response.

He already fell asleep, standing.

<Morning>

You woke up with a pleasant sigh, eyes closed, feeling the warmth of the sun caressing your face, hearing the chirp outside the window

And a low chuckle.

Your eyes shot open.

The Aesir god was laying next to you, one arm supporting his head. The morning sunlight gently fell upon him, on his golden braids, his perfect skin, leaving sparkles in his purple eyes.

"Mornin' sunshine."

...Is this a dream?

"Who knew y/n would seduce a drunken god-"

Your hands reacted faster than your thoughts, pressing firmly over his mouth, "Nothing happened! You fell asleep! I can't just leave you there!" you quickly explained.

"Tell yourself whatever you want." he gently pulled your hands down, "It's too late now."

"...What?" you couldn't take your eyes off of him, as he was bathing in the swirling golden particles.

"I will let the whole Asgard know, that y/n got me drunk to lay with me." "-! That's not true! I-" He smirked, gave you a soft kiss on your forehead.

He whispered against your skin, "Now you can never run away from me."

[cumikering]

MW3: A Year After

.8k | angst, fml, MW3 spoilers

It’s been a year. I’d always dreaded it. Never even thought I’d be here to say it. But it’s been a year since the last time you held me, kissed me and told me you loved me. Since you didn’t text back in over 36 hours, since Price showed up at our door that quiet night.

I wrote you many eulogies – I just couldn’t say enough. In those two days leading up to your funeral, I laid on the floor of our room staring at the ceiling. I fumbled with your dog tags around my neck as I recited the words through the endless river of tears. I got this, I thought, but instead I stood by your casket sobbing, the soggy wad of paper crumpled in my fist.

I tried to say more than “John Mactavish was” – I really did, but my ground trembled and my sky shattered. Price had to lead me back to my seat, saying no one needed me to say a thing to know just how much you meant to me.

This body wasn’t mine anymore. It felt like a bad dream. Like I woke up in a different life, like I fell down the darkest pit into a different universe, that this was someone else’s life.

My soul died with you, and it plunged me into an abyss. You took the breath out of my lungs, and I was tortured in the tsunamis of missing you. My heart was barren, a wasteland, where the heartbeat wasn’t anymore. I floated in nothingness, wishing something, anything to take me away from this world without you in it.

It was unfair. You didn’t deserve this.

I couldn’t stop talking about your departure, about how unceremonious it was, about how crudely you were taken from me. Unfortunately, the person I wanted to talk about your death the most with was you.

I wish there was a customer care line in heaven, because I know that's where you’d be. I’ll take an email address; I’ll file a formal complaint, a strongly worded one. I’ll rant all about it, and knowing you, you’d make it all okay.

I’d been scared that I’d forget you, but I haven’t. I remember my favourite things about you. You loved so freely, so fiercely, laughed so loud and proud. You always made everyone feel good around you. You were my eternal sunshine. Everything you touched blossomed. With the smile on my face, people told me I was always so happy. Of course. You were mine.

Our time was cut short, way too short, but I had so many blessings I couldn’t even begin to count. It brought me such joy to wake up every day knowing I was yours. Heaven was a place on Earth with you, and it’d be selfish to ask for anything more.

But how could I lie to myself. I am selfish. I do want so much more with you.

Knowing that I have to spend the rest of my life without you ruined me. I’ve got these years left, too many now without you. I’d have given you half of my remaining breaths, so I could be with you longer. Hell, I’d give you all of it, because I know you’d keep the world safe. You deserve to see it.

That gives me a glimmer of hope - the tiniest bud. I always think I wouldn't last another day without you, but I always do. Your selflessness gives me the strength, my sunshine. It will all be ok, like you always said.

You told me there’s always hope as long as the sun is still warm like your kisses, the sky is still as blue as your gorgeous eyes, and the breeze still tickles like your whispers against my skin. And like the moon and the stars, and in the promise of tomorrow, you said I’d always rise.

You were in my life for many years, and there will come a day that I'd be without you longer. But I'll carry on. You taught me to live in the moment, and I will. I'll keep living, for you, my sunshine.

I miss you beyond words. No matter how long it’s been since our last ‘I love you’, I love you - enough to last more than this lifetime. In time I’ll let you go, but for now don’t wake me up from this dream because I still want to be in love with you.

Thank you, Johnny. Being together was truly a gift.

Forever yours, no matter where you are, even when we can't meet anymore.

I’m sorry I had to get this out of my system. Here’s a happy possessive best friend Soap crashing your date fic

@sofasoap @b1rds3ye @caramlizedtomatoes @gamergirlbonestaskforce141riot @losersimonriley

[heavens-angels]

Oops, she let it go

A secret fan, but her boyfriend plays for a mentioned rival team. Can she keep her facade when the team she swoons for wins infront her boyfriend?

Type : Mini story (fluff)

A/n : First time writing here, please be gentle 🥲 Also lmk if yall want some more stuff like this. Cliche fluffy story btw, read at your own will. Enjoy! Its not perfect i know, but give me a break never wrote fluffy shit before fml. ALSO CONGRATS ARGENTINA I LOVE YOU BB.

She had been a fan of Argentina since she was a little girl. Well she got introduced to being a fan because her father was a die hard himself, but she truly enjoyed watching Argentina. Especially, magical Messi. Her magical Messi.

She was sobbing, looking at the tv and see Messi kiss the golden ball as he achieved an award of his own. What a beautiful sight, and what a tight match. Her heart was outside her chest the whole time.

Her boyfriend on the other hand stared at her, amused and impressed of her loyalty. They met in her working place, her being an English speaking assistant to someone who works under her boyfriend. A long chain of hierarchy if you will.

“Bebe.. you know your boyfriend play for Brazil right?” He asks her.

She looks at him, mascara all over her face and nose and cheeks tinted pink from crying so much. “Umm yes I’m not stupid.” She tried to put out an understandable sentence as she huffs for air.

His confused eyes went away as he smiles, bringing her closer to him. He put her head on his chest and she feels comforted as his warmth from his hand on her head soothes the ache from crying too much. “Ayay, you always shock me amor.”

“I know how this looks, but I swear I love you. But Argentin_” and she can’t complete the sentence because she starts crying even harder.

He brings her closer and kisses her head whilst trying to hold in his laughter but oh man what a sight this was.

“Okay next time remind me to bring you Messi jersey and not mine.”

She looks at him with big old guilty eyes, “No neymar! I support you, I love you! But Arge-” And the water works just got bigger.

He laughs out loud this time, he was having a great time teasing her, borderline bullying her.

“Ney I promise I prayed for you and Brazil. I even acted like I didn’t care for Argentina, but today all the memories from childhood came back t-to my head and I can’t stop thinking of this win. I wanted this for soooo long.”

Neymar listened to her intently, not understanding a few words, but understanding her love was enough. It was true though, she gave no reaction for Argentina for their matches. Never bothered to look at Messi whenever he and Neymar were together, tried gaslighting herself even. That it looks odd to anyone, her boyfriend PLAYS for Brazil, but she supports Argentina, a rival team. But why would she have to throw away her love for one thing for another, is it that impossible to love both?

Neymar was understanding, and someone very caring, so he tried his best to support her. He even took a secret picture of her that he definitely was going to send to Messi later, he’ll prank her for sure.

She covered her face, embarrassed, supporting the opposing team, a rival team, him finding out this way, him losing a few days prior, and her facade coming undone, ugh, it just didn’t feel right.

She looks up to tell him something when she sees him smiling down at her, eyes gloomy from his eye smile, lips parted and pink, and damn his beauty all over. She blushes instantly. God this was not the time. So she snaps herself out of his trance.

“Ney.. don’t think I take you or supporting you as a joke okay? This is just a childhood thing.” She speaks slowly so that he can understand every word. He smiles even deeper.

“(Y/n/n). It’s okay. Loving me is not equals to loving Brazil, yeah? Infact, it’s good that you are supporting Argentina. Means next time I will play to win your love to Brazil, means I play extra hard, and I will win.”

Her little sobs fade away as she hears him say something so sweet, and proud he could explain something so heart felt with such little words. Just hearing it can swoon anyone.

This time she puts her hand on his face, kissing his cheeks slowly, feeling his long lashes bat against her cheeks. “I will always support you, win or lose. No matter where you are, or where you go. I am here, for you.”

He pulls her in, pecking her with soft motions to calm her down. “Te amo, princess.”

She laughs hearing such cliche sweet words, “I love you too, king without a crown.”

[ofmermaidstories]

Do you think yhe Terry face mask makes a difference? Also what are your current fave beauty products if you don't mind💞

I mean—your milage may vary, but when I woke up this morning my skin was a little plumper and more hydrated than usual (which is what I buy the masks for!) so, sure! BUT!!! It’s a pricey mask ($29 AUD), so I only buy them occasionally, for a little pampering (or to pregame an event!)! I really like sheet masks in general because they make a mundane routine (cleaning your face) more fun, but most of the time I buy Korean ones, which are way cheaper and just as (if not more!) effective! My skin concerns might be different to yours, but I buy masks to address one of several problems:

1. I’m having a breakout, and need my skin to calm the fuck down (teatree, generally, something that feels antiseptic)

2. I’m having a reaction, and need my skin to calm the fuck down (ingredients that will soothe it, cool down the redness!)

3. I’m tired and feel dry (so, something that feels nourishing or at least gives me an excuse to go lie down in a dark room and pretend I’m in a coffin for 15 minutes)

I don’t worry about anti-aging promises, or anything like that—sunscreen is the only thing I use that might even address that, and even then that’s less “anti-aging” and more “holy shit I don’t want the face doctor to dig cancer spots out of my face” LOL. As a whole I hate the whole, “omg you HAVE to prevent any visible signs of aging!!! don’t smile, don’t frown, don’t use your skin!!!” rhetoric that skincare and beauty in general markets itself off of. Fear mongering!!! A few lines and squiggles and saggy bits and pocks and divets make us interesting and human and idk—we’re lucky we get to age. 🥺

I use eye patches mostly for psychological reasons lmfao—like when I’ve been staring at a screen for too hard and too long. I have deep-set eye bags that aren’t going anywhere anytime soon, so I don’t bother with anything that claims much more than just “it’ll feel nice for a few minutes” lmaooo. The Patchology Rosé ones were a impulse buy, but they were fun!

After I saw your ask, though, I went and rummaged around in my drawers—I’m going to stay clear of anything too skincare-y, because YMMV, and I won’t include perfumes for the same reason, but after some thought, here’s my current faves:

From left-to-right, top-to-bottom!

1. Jurlique Rose Moisture Plus Moisturising Cream Mask

2. Cancer Council Face Day Wear SPF50+ Serum (Sunscreen!)

3. Chantecaille Cheek Gelée Blush (I wear Vibrant! I’m also a big fan of their skincare range—I just repurchased the Hibiscus Smoothing Mask, it’s an exfoliator!)

4. Chanel Joues Contraste Powder Blush + Les Beiges Healthy Glow Foundation (I have Orchid Rose, in the blush, and the foundation is a light-to-medium coverage!)

5. Hourglass Veil Translucent Setting Powder

6. Shiseido ColourGel Lip Balm (the colour I have is Redwood! It’s orangey on me. Their eyeshadows are fun to play with and come in single pans, but I got into Shiseido because of their toner! I actually have a complimentary service at Mecca Cosmetica that I need to use—I normally just let them slide away bc I like doing my own makeup LOL, but the girl serving me in-store on Friday was like, “nooo, you should use it! We can play with the Shiseido stuff!” so I was like okeee LOL fml im so easily led it’s not funny 😭)

7. Tatcha The Silk Canvas Primer (it’s novel to play with lmaooo, but it does a decent job! I like how it smells! I originally wanted the ELF putty—but every Kmart I went to was sold out, and a friend was like, oh, that’s a dupe for the Tatcha one so I was like, oke, lmaooo)

8. Caudalíe Grape Water Face Mist (Caudalíe is fun and I love the scent, but be wary of overpaying for it lmfao. I think people see French brands and are like ooooo, so fancy, but it’s basically a pharmacy brand! A great one, don’t get me wrong, but if you’re buying it for like three times the price then just—don’t, LOL. I bought the Grape Water on impulse from Sephora, because I needed a new face spray—but tbh unless you’re like, in France for a bit and walk past a store or a Citypharma then there are other, more easily accessible brands!!! Saying that, I live by their hand cream—it smells like sherbet and it’s such a delight to put on!! i like to give myself lil hand massages when I use it and i’m almost out and im going to be DEVASTATED when it’s gone. 🥹)

I haven’t listed any eye-products because I’m trying to find a mascara that doesn’t try to murder me while driving by stinging my eyes and smearing everywhere and then making the stinging worse which makes me tear up while I’m flying down the goddamn highway—but eyeshadow wise, I only have a couple of palettes, and a few single-pan shades! I have a Pat McGrath Mothership palette (Mothership II, sublime), which is my absolute favourite. And a Chanel quad, which is nice and portable! And then I impulse bought the Huda Rose Quartz palette last year, literally days before I sprained my ankle and ruined my life. I haven’t had much of a chance to wear it since! The colours are very dreamy—shimmery lavenders and pinks and I like the romance of the idea of wearing them, but—oh my God I just gave myself an idea for something. Maybe an anime boyfriend smearing our shimmery eyeshadow with his thumb??? hmmm hmm.

[mikaharuka]

Winter Light Rambles + Apricity Outtakes

Clearly I haven't been good about posting the "daily last line" stuff since I'm not writing as quickly as I'd like to, and today will likely be similar since I'm writing slower right now. So... today, I decided to post something else. First are some random rambles, and second are two excerpt outtakes (from the newer Apricity, not the old one):

...I say that, but I'm definitely going to use them somewhere.

-

So... @udaberriwrites and I ramble about a lot in the DMs. Or rather, I ramble and she listens 80% of the time (and vice versa the remaining 20%). She's absolutely the perfect enabler - and here's proof of that:

In some distant, theoretical future centuries from now, I could see vampire!Mike walking around spritzing people with water when they get too annoying and/or horny in his presence.

For sure, I see Beau going scared/horny on main and Mike saying something petty about it. Would totally happen.

The idea of Carlisle effectively summoning Mike to point out the obvious to him and low-key chastise him over it somehow while also helping him find a solution... it feels right, somehow XD

Honestly, Carlisle occasionally gives off that same sort of FML, "best to just walk away" vibe when Edward goes full troll/unhinged. I suspect that's Mike's and Carlisle's true common ground XD

-

And, to end... here are two outtakes:

From (would-be current) Midnight - Mike + Carlisle:

“You should take some time for yourself. You seem rather exhausted.” “What about the earlier stuff?” “That should not be a concern anymore. I made sure of that.” Mike definitely did not want to know what he meant by that. “I see. That’s reassuring.” “I have certain things to take care of. Take care of yourself.” <Carlisle leaves, Mike stands there watching him>

From (would-be current) Indigo - Mike + Edward:

**Note, the year 1563 in this bit is outdated. I pushed Edward even further back in time in the world I have now. I do love this bit, though, so I will be writing it in a similar way when I get around to Indigo.

“Vampire.” “Vampire.” “Vampire?” “Vampire.” “Seriously?” “Seriously.” This asshole was thoroughly enjoying the situation, wasn’t he? “Okay then. Moving right along. How old are you?” “I’m eighteen,” Edward replied, beaming at Mike. “Okay, smart-ass, I’ll rephrase the question. How long have you been eighteen?” “...for a very long time.” Mike sighed. “Put a number on that, you petty bastard.” “Okay, okay, hold on…” Edward placated him before looking down and counting his fingers. If the Black twins’ account was correct, then this guy was at least… “457 years. I’ve been eighteen for 457 years now.” … Mike stared at him silently for a few moments before looking down to count his fingers. Four hundred. Fifty. Seven. Years. … No way. But the math was correct. Mike looked up to face the… centuries-old vampire. “1563.” “1563.” “1563?” “1563.” “Seriously?” “Seriously.” This again. Mike sighed. “You sure don’t behave like a 475-year-old person.” “What does a 475-year-old person even behave like, anyways?” “Not like you, that’s for sure!” “Of course not! Because I’m not 475-years old!” “Right. You’re not 475-years old. You’ve simply been eighteen for a very long time. My bad.” “Exactly.” What the hell was this conversation, anyways? Mike put his head in his hands and sighed. This whole situation was beyond surreal, but he could worry about that later. “You weren’t originally American, then. This country didn’t even exist at the time.” “Correct. I was originally from London.” “You’re English... and 1563… so what was that, Tudor England?” “Indeed. In fact, Elizabeth I ascended the throne in early 1563.”

[law-d-water-trafalgar]

Swapped

Ivankov gender swaps you from being a male into being a woman to confess to your best friend on Kiss Island only to be rejected. Later you meet Law on a undisclosed island.

SFW Law X F.reader, angst, fluff, conflict, tansfobia only a little for the sake of the plot, healing, acceptance, girlfriend to Law, 1,000,000 berry woman, Maybe kidnapping? Up to you, Calm-Calm fruit. I wrote this at 3am fml. Based on a dream I had. I havent seen anyone do this prompt so here it is<3

Flashback

-☆-

"Please I love guys but I cant be gay in this world. They all ridicule me and throw things at me. Please wont you change me into a woman? I've always wanted this" You pleaded with them. After some time of contemplation they speak.

"Only because your absolutely sure about this. But dear theres absolutely nothing wrong with being gay either." Ivankov says.

"I like my best friend please turn me. I wont regret it I just know" you state full of determination. As Ivankov digs their nails into you, you feel a warmth you've never felt before as your magically transformed into a girl.

"Woah I feel so different now" you say in a girly voice.

"Well that's the idea honey" Ivankov says to you. After the rest of the day learning martial arts as your new gender. You all on Momoiro Island, and eat dinner with meats and fruits galore. As your telling Ivankov what your plans are you say

"I'm gonna go back to Kiss Island and confess to my best friend surely he will accept me and then I'll live happily ever after and maybe have a baby" you say full of happiness as Ivankov just nods seemingly thinking about something. After another week of training you say goodbye and set sail for Kiss Island

-☆-

Once back you realize people wont recognize you anymore and you are at first relieved. Then the nerves set in as you meet your best friend at your guys usual meeting spot. Right on time you go up to him but he recoils.

"Who are you why are you here?!" He exclaims deep in the woods by your cabin overlooking a pond with ducks in it.

"Its me dont you realize we can finally be together!" You exclaim as he recoils again.

"I've changed my mind. Your absolutely disgusting I cant believe you went through with it. While you were gone I thought hard about it but I could only think of a guys voice and face not a womans." He states coldly.

"But what about now? I'm a woman now though" you state.

"I all ready told you I changed my mind. I'm only attracted to guys but I'll probably marry a woman just to fit in with everyone." He says somewhat downtrodden.

"Then that means we can be together finally?" You question and he just shakes his head.

"Theres too much history with us I just cant do this anymore just leave me alone forever!" He yells as he runs off into the woods.

"I'm never telling another soul about my sex change ever again!" You sob and fall to your knees. Making up your mind to leave your home town forever like he wanted.

-☆-

One Year Later

-☆-

You became a pirate out of depression and sailed your way alone through the grand line to the north blue. On an unsuspecting island you stopped. With a bounty well over 1,000,000 berries you weren't afraid anymore and you still fought like a guy. You just wanted one thing in this cruel, godforsaken world.. true love. You walk down the long ass dock only to see a submarine docked as well. As you turned your head to stare, you bump into someone.

"Oh I'm sorry I wasnt lookin-" you trail off and look up only to see Trafalgar Law, back turned to you but once you bumped him he turns around

"Watch where you-" he trails off realizing just who you were.

"I dont need any trouble" was all he said.

"Neither do I, and I said sorry didnt I?" You say as you start to walk off looking at him but walking. Then you felt a soft wall in front of you. As you look up you see a standing polar bear looking at you.

"Um excuse me again" you say unsure.

"Its okay hey your really pretty you know?" You blush a deep red as Law looks at you too you just realized no one has ever called you pretty like this before just cat calling and whistling.

"Bepo stop shes one of my generation the worst generation her bounty is 1,000,000 all ready, leave the poor woman alone your making her blush" you hear Law state.

"All right Captain.." Bepo says. As you turn around to Law you say

"1,000,000 is right and bet you couldn't even handle me anyways and who cares if I'm blushing at a compliment he was very polite to me" stating you give him the bird then watch where your going and walk into town for supplies. After some hours of making trips to your boat from town, your back in town and see the so called Bepo and walk up to him.

"Hey what was it Bepo? Your Captain's an ass" you state and cross your arms.

"He was just in a bad mood because someone filled the sub with clouds of diarrhea, that's why we resurfaced to air out for a week." Bepo says cutely.

"Gosh your such a cute bear sorry that kinda slipped out" you say blushing then it dissapears.

"Thank you (n)" Bepo says cutely.

"Um is it okay if I hug you? Your just so fluffy I've never met a talking Polar bear before"

"Sure come here" Bepo says embracing you in a hug as you feel eyes on your back once done hugging your look around only to see towns people.

"Thank you Bepo I needed that" you say happily. As you and Bepo chat for the rest of the day.

"Bepo come now" you hear Law yell at him making him waddle up from the bench to the sub.

"See you tomorrow (n) thanks for talking with me" Bepo says waddling off. Law approaches you then as all his crew mates are inside.

"Dont mess with my crew" he states.

"We were just talking. And you dont own them. How did you and Bepo even know who I am anyways?" You question and Law just says Shambles and poofs your wanted poster into his hand and gives it too you.

"What?! 1,000,000 berries I've never actually seen the poster before just heard it from people" you exclaim as you hand it back to him.

'Why does he have my poster anyways?' You ponder as he walks away to his sub. Gusts of wind started to pick up as it started to down pour really hard so you go back to your ship and cuddle in a small blanket it obviously getting wet. The days went as followed your get up eat once a day, talk with Bepo, then huddle in your little blanket in the night pours until one night you felt eyes on you with your observation haki.

"Arnt you cold and wet down there? You'll cetch a terrible cold. Why dont you go to the inn?" You hear Laws voice soften even for just a bit.

"They refused me they said they didnt want any trouble" you just state back shivering. You felt him walk back onto his sub. The next morning was the last day for Bepo and you. This was the closest you had gotten to anyone ever since that day.

"Awe today's your last day I'll miss you and remember you forever Bepo" you say melancholy sneezing as he hugs you on the dock you giggling. Feeling eyes on you yet again you look around only to see Law staring at you both. Law walks back into the sub as Bepo let's you go.

"Could you please wait for me (n)? I'll be back soon" Bepo states as he waddles onto the sub disappearing into it.

'Too bad I could only get supplies that I absolutely needed. I feel so hot you say as you go back to your boat and lay down on the hard planks. The tiny blanket wrapped around you only halfway as you sneeze again from those many nights it rained cold. Feeling weaker and weaker, through the week, you just layed there and fell asleep. Night came and with nights come cold rain. You were soaked through and through sneezing, coughing and shivering. Suddenly you felt lighter someone picking you up. They felt so warm so you leaned into them not caring if you died anymore. Your observation haki not working as well in the rain you let them take you as you shivered cold, wet, and pathetic to look at. Eyes closed the entire time eventually you pass out from fever.

-☆-

You awaken in what seems to be a medical room with cords attached to you. Feeling much better you sit up only to see...

"Oh so your finally awake you've been out for three days straight" Law states simply as he turned to face you on his rolling chair.

"Why am I here, dont you like, I dont know hate me?" You question as you realize your in his sweatshirt and sweatpants.

"On the contrary, I didnt expect you to be so nice especially with my favorite mink." Law retorted.

"You mean Bepo?" And he just nods.

"Bepo has been begging me all week to recruit you onto the crew. And you were desperately sick I couldn't just let you die. I am a doctor after all. That and your blood work seems a bit off your hormones are quite similar in nature to male and female" he says blankly.

"Here let me do a check up" he states as he unplugs you which causes you to shiver.

"I havent been this close to someone in a long time.." you state quickly.

"You sure enjoyed cuddling and hugging Bepo though." He states coldly a slight blush on his face then it dissapears.

"Bepos different hes so fluffy and so cute!" You squealed catching Law off guard he blushes slightly then it fades quickly. After the check up.

"Your healthy now your free to get up I recommend eating something since it has been three days drink some soup, first at the mess hall" Law states as he gets up and is about to head out the med bay door you grab his hand on accident trying for his wrist.

"Where are we right now?" You question not letting go.

"Were sixty miles of that island we met at" he states as he starts to gain a light blush from the physical contact.

"You fucking kidnapped me?!" You yelled as he tried to unhand himself but your grip was too strong.

"Bepo said you wanted to join take it up with him." Law states and you release his hand his blush disappearing.

'That sneaky big mink' you think to yourself. Getting up you make your way slowly through the subs hallway right behind Law to the mess hall.

"Get her some soup please chef"

"Yes sir Captain" the chef retorts.

"Oh wow you do have manners. Well I guess I should thank you for saving me but I never said I'd join this crew. Your gonna have to ask me yourself Law" you state firmly. He looks at you somewhat annoyed looking to the side.

"(N) will you join us the Heart Pirates?" He reluctantly asks.

"Sure but I'm not wearing that" you point to the boiler suit. With a sigh he says

"Okay deal" then he makes his way back through the hallway.

"Heres your soup miss" chef says.

"My names (N) thank you chef nice to meet you too" you say politely as you turn you spot your favorite polar bear and join him.

"Bepo why did you tell Law that I wanted to join?" Questioning with a red glare in your eyes. Flustered he says

"You just looked so cold and alone I wanted you to join our family"

"Family..." those words you never speak. Your family died from disease long ago when you were five years old that's also when you were starving and ate that strange fruit which you came to know now as a devil fruit. Bepo snapped his paw at you snapping you out of your trance. Sitting down you start eating. Thinking about everything that has transpired. Once done you ask Bepo

"So where will I sleep then?"

"Oh.. you'll be sleeping in my room. I asked Captain all ready before." He says as you smile a bit and hug him.

"Yay!" You squeal.

"Let me show you were our room is" Bepo says as he starts walking you follow. Once inside you realize what little stuff you had was in here, mainly clothes.

'So he brought all my stuff here too. I guess that's sweet.' Thinking to yourself you undress

"Um I wont look dont worry" Bepo says closing the door.

"Oh sorry I was so used to being alone I would just change whenever" you say changing into a white crop top and black shorts.

"I need to return these clothes to him" you say as Bepo opens the door you walk back to the med bay and pop your head in. You see Law doing paperwork. He notices you standing there and questions you

"What is it?"

"I'm assuming these are yours?" You stand in the doorway now holding forward some clothes. As you come into frame he blushes slightly at what your wearing but gets up and takes the clothes.

"Thanks" was all he could muster. As he walked up to his table he said

"Room, Shambles" he teleported out then back into the med bay.

"Woah what devil fruit is that?" You question.

"The Opa-Opa fruit" he goes on to explain what he can do since your part of the crew now and not a threat.

"That's like so super cool you have no idea!" You yell in excitement.

"The way I got it wasnt exciting at all." He states calus.

"Howd you get it?"

"That's enough questions for tonight go to bed" Law states clearly not wanting to talk about his feelings you obeyed after all he was your Captain now.

-☆-

One And Half Years Later

-☆-

You and Law have grown quite close in such a short amount of time. Your like him doesnt want to talk about their feelings, put yourself into work too much, and has insomnia. You've grown to like the sameness though. And youd like to think he felt the same but to be honest you have no idea. You became his medical assistant and fighter when needed but hes never seen your devil fruit before mainly hes never asked. Until one lonely night on the ocean the sub has surfaced with everyone asleep you made your way to the deck no one there so you sat down

*snap*

"Silence" as you start singing a melody deep into it you didnt notice the eyes on your back. Suddenly you hear sobbing quickly you turn to see

"Law? Why are you crying? Come here" you stand quickly and embrace him in a hug rubbing his back.

"Shh it's okay just cry it out" after he can cry no longer you whisper

"What's gotten to you?"

"Your devil fruit .. I didnt know you had one.. it's the same as his." Law stutters out.

"Whose?" You question.

"Don Quixote Rosinante.. he was like a father to me for a short time.. he gave his life so that I could live.." Law stutters as you just rub his back.

"Well I like to think that all the previous devil fruit users are within me so maybe he is still there somewhere inside of me." You whisper in his ear causing him to shiver.

'Hes finally opening up. This feeling though I know all too well what I feel for Law. He would never feel the same not since that day' you think as Law tries to compose himself you both eventually talk about both your pasts, until the sun rises from deep in the night.

-☆-

One Year Later

-☆-

You and Law are almost inseparable, you two are almost always in the same room besides his bedroom. Tonight's the night you'll tell him. You had sworn to never tell another soul again but he had become so close to you. Of course you feared another rejection but you had at least five days before another island before you were alone again. You just didnt want to lie to him. To betray his trust or feelings. Everyday it tormented you, you had to tell him. Another late night the usual meeting spot on deck in the middle of the ocean. You both sitting quietly enjoying eachothers silence until you break it.

"Law ... theres something I need to tell you..." you say quietly.

"Theres something I need to say as well you go first" he retorts.

"Well are you familiar with an island called Momoiro?" He shakes his head yes.

"I know of the queens powers too" he states.

"Well.. their used their powers on me..... I used to be a male ... but I've been a female for many years now boobs and vaginal stuff in all..." he looks a bit taken aback but after a minute to collect his thoughts he speaks.

'This is it I just know it goodbye Law goodbye Bepo goodbye family' you think as you spiral but continue to look at him as if nothing is happening.

"Well that certainly is something I would have never guessed you were male before. I suppose all that matters is who you are now right?" Taken aback from his response you say

"Arnt you repulsed by me?"

"Actually just the opposite. (N) I dont care who you used to be I only care about who you are now. You've proved yourself more than you know .... and i want you to know it doesnt matter to me. I'm a doctor." You both sit in silence for awhile until Law speaks again

"(N) your a woman from now until the rest of your life right?" You just nod this is what you originally wanted anyways.

"So let me also confess.. I'm in love with you (n). You also have Coras devil fruit it must mean something important." He finishes. Shocked you take a minute to yourself as you compose yourself you begin to speak

"I have felt like this once before but was rejected. I confess that I love you too. I just never ever thought that someone like me would find true love" you start to cry and Law wraps a arm around sliding you onto his lap embracing you closely.

"Shh itll be okay. Your okay (n)" he coos to you and after awhile you cant cry anymore. He tilts your head up with a hand and kisses you gently. As you both break for air you both have cherry red blushes.

"Promise you wont tell anyone?" You plead.

"Tell anyone what?" Law says playing dumb. You both laugh gently as he speaks again

"(N) will you be my girlfriend?" Law asks in a whisper as if youd say no.

"After all that we talked about yes of course I'd love that. You accept me for me I cant thank you enough" you plant your lips back onto his as he leans into the bearing you lean into him with his arms wrapped tightly around you.

-☆-

Six Months Later

-☆-

You moved into Laws room leaving Bepo alone but he doesnt mind as long as your happy he said. Being Laws girlfriend you helped him with paperwork, surgeries, foraging, and fighting. You both would cuddle everynight.

"I love you Law" you whisper into his ear from on the bed.

"I love you too (n)" he replys back as he wraps his arms around you cuddling together.

"It feels like an eternity I've been with you but it's only been a short amount of time" he says in a whisper.

"That's what love can do Trafalgar" you state making him blush at the mention of his name as one hand plays with his hair and one hand on his chest.

[iamknicole]

FML

Bloodline Family Series Shorties

Whistling to herself, Nola straightened up their kitchen from her and Eli's lunch. She had already put the leftover food away, filled the dishwasher and cleaned the counters. Only thing left was sweeping. She moved around the kitchen, sweeping and whistling, until one of her thoughts made her pause.

"What the hell?" She said softly to herself. "Uhn uhn, no."

From the living room, Eli could hear her and started trying to remember if he had done something. A small chuckled left his lips when he realized the two of them were just like his parents. His dad would do something and his mom would realize it in the middle of doing something, long after his dad did it. This was the life he always wanted, it felt good to be this happy.

Dropping the broom, Nola pulled her phone from the pocket of Eli's sweats she wore. She scrolled through her apps until she found the one she was looking for. Saying a small prayer that was more like a threat, she opened it and searched.

"Fuck my life."

Eli grinned a little hearing her groan and the broom hit the floor. Showtime.

She stormed into the living room, tossing her phone into his lap then started to hit him with a decorative pillow. Laughing, Eli grabbed her phone and stood up trying to block the hits.

"Whoa, whoa, Mayweather. At least tell me what I did first."

Nola mocked him then hit him again.

"You know what you did, Elijan! You know why you're getting hit!"

"For once, I actually don't," he laughed dodging another hit. "Just tell me, La."

"Look at my phone! Look at it!"

Eli chuckled looking at the app she had pulled up. "I don't understand what this had to do with," his voice trailed off for a moment, "Oh...oh. Oh!"

"Oh my ass! You little shit, you knew!" She accused hitting him again.

"This time, I didn't know cause if I did, you would've known sooner." He joked grabbing the pillow tossing it aside. "Would you stop hitting me so I can hug you."

She waited for him to put his arms around her then bit his nipple. He pulled pulled back with a hiss and rubbed the area.

"What the hell? Did you just bite my nipple?" He laughed.

"Yes," she pouted, "You did what Dad did to Mama to me!"

"Uuuuh," he stared strangely at her, "Marry her, love her, take care of her, make her laugh ... stop me when I get to the right one."

"You put a mini you in me! Now I have to suffer the way she has being overrun with boys!" Nola cried.

Cautiously, Eli moved closer to her and pulled her into a hug, praying she didn't bite him again. He didn't know the mood swings would happen this fast but he would handle it accordingly.

"We don't even know if you're actually pregnant yet let alone a mini handsome ass me, just breathe."

Nola pulled away a little to glare at him.

"I haven't had a period since before valentine's day, Elijan. It was due the week after valentine's and the bitch never showed up. This makes month three without her raggedy ass showing up."

"Shit. Well ... we don't know if it's a boy yet, babe. Aren't you happy? We were just talking about babies and you said how much you wanted one."

Nola"s nose crinkled and she started to ugly cry again catching him off guard.

"I know but I don't wanna be like Mama. You get on my nerves enough."

He chuckled kissing her forehead. "That's so nice of you to say."

"I hate you," she cried into his chest.

"Love You too, babe," he joked rubbing her back, "This is the fourth time I've ever seen you cry. Ever. Kinda scary, kinda cool. Will this be an every day thing? I wanna be sure everybody else gets to experience it too."

Eli moved away from the hug, laughing, before she could hit him. He couldn't help how loud he laughed when he saw her glaring at him. After a few moments, her glare turned into a chuckle.

"Mama was right ... you really are like Dad."

"Awwe, he'd be so happy to hear that, babe. Make sure you tell em."

[wildernessuntothemselves]

You Are My Queen Now | Part 5

Word Count: 14k (fml)

Genre: Smut, angst, fluff

Summary: Growing up as a child of a minor lord, you had it instilled in you since a young age that you needed to find yourself a rich and affluent husband that would not only provide a comfortable life for you, but would also help further your family’s position in the court. So it was of the utmost importance that you remain a virgin in order to land such a coveted husband.

The problem lies when the man you secretly love, Prince Beomgyu, suddenly and unabashedly propositions you.

Warnings: mentions of past noncon, mentions of domestic violence, nongraphic descriptions of dead bodies, misogyny. 

You lay in bed, motionless and staring up at the ceiling. You can hear the maids drawing up the bath for you in the attached bathroom, which means he’ll be here any minute now to help you get ready for the day.

This is your routine now. He comes in every morning, takes you out of bed, strips you down and cleans you up. Then he dresses you in whatever resplendent gown he’d settle on for the day, and even does your hair. Then you eat breakfast together before he has to go do his princely duties. 

And here he is now at the door, as graceful and delicate as ever as he moves towards your still body. He rests a knee on the bed and leans over you, squeezing his arm between your body and the mattress and helping you up like a guardian angel rescuing his human. But like Lucifer, he’s no longer an angel, and his hands only pull you in further into this inescapable abyss. 

With all the honeyed inflection of the devil himself, he urges, “Come on, princess. Time to get up. How are you feeling today?” 

You don’t say anything to him. You rarely do anymore because that could be misconstrued as you wishing to have any part of his sick play. 

Still, every day, he comes in with a hopeful smile, thinking that today might be the day you actually smile back at him. But just like always, his hope withers under your empty gaze and flits away on the back of his defeated sigh as he gets up and helps you to your feet. 

He walks you towards the bathroom, dismissing the maids so you’d be left alone, and then he works on removing your nightgown. You stand there as motionless as a doll as he pushes it down your body until he’s on his knees and you’re completely naked in front of him. 

His gaze always lingers for a second too long–a battle against longing being plainly fought behind his hungry eyes–and you hold your breath and wonder if today is the day he loses control. 

Thankfully, it’s not. 

Gulping, he stands up and guides you to the bath, helping you get in before grabbing the loofah. He rubs a bar of soap against it to get it lathered up before using it to gently scrub your body. 

You move every which way for him, lifting your arms obediently so he’d have an easier time cleaning them–your legs too when he gets to them. His hands never make direct contact with your skin. Only the rough surface of the loofah greets you as it brushes over your breasts and between your legs. He pays the most attention to your back, knowing you enjoy that the most. 

You hum as the coarse material scratches every itch you didn’t even know you had, and if his hands falter in their trajectory at your sounds of contentment, you complain only inwardly. 

Once you’re all covered in soap and bubbles, thoroughly scrubbed until you’re pink, he grabs the bucket of warm water and rinses you off. You close your eyes, letting the heat seep into your skin. 

Every day, you watch the frothy water as it runs down the drain and imagine that you’re melting along with it to evaporate into nothing. But then the water is all gone and you’re still there. He is too.

He dries you up with a piece of cloth and takes you back to the bedroom where he dresses you and sits you in front of your dresser. 

"Look what I got you, baby." He pulls out a box from his pocket and opens it. Inside it is a stunning pearl necklace. He place it around your neck and clasps it from the back. 

"What do you think, my love?" He asks tentatively, his fingers lingering for a moment over your neck in a gentle caress. 

"It's pretty." You say in a hollow voice, raising your arms up to grab his hands and remove them from your shoulders. 

His face falls and you think you can see a wet glint in his eyes before he looks away. He grabs the hairbrush and starts untangling your hair, avoiding your stare in the mirror. 

He sings to you as he does your hair in a braid–that’s all he can really do. You close your eyes, and let yourself get carried away by his voice. He sings a familiar song, a love song he used to sing to you when you were teens. 

Back then, flustered by your hidden affection for him, you sought to hide it from him by making fun of the sappy song and his high-pitched voice, jokingly lamenting the bad luck of the woman he’ll love because she’d have to suffer through such overflowing emotions–-not knowing that you’re her but desperately wishing that you are. 

But everything’s different now. You can hear it in the depth of his voice, and in the way he doesn’t shy away from letting you know who exactly he loves. 

"I can never get sick of looking at you." He murmurs, plucking up the courage to catch your gaze again through the mirror as he fixes stray wisps of your hair. "If I were to go blind, I would wish to forget everything but your beautiful face."

Once again, you stay silent. No amount of flowery words or declarations of love is going to make any of this okay. You just watch as he crumbles under your indifferent eyes. 

Just then, you hear a knock at the door that breaks your staring contest. He looks down as he tells the person to come in.

It’s the maids bringing in your breakfast. They place it on the table in front of your couch as he puts the finishing touch on your hair, clasping a stunning emerald clip on the side of your head before he takes your hand and leads you towards the couch.  

You think, in a weird way, he actually enjoys taking care of you like this. Yes, it eats at him that you’re not talking to him, but to get to do every little thing for you is something he seems to like. After all, he did promise to take care of you completely. In a sick way, to him, this must feel like fulfilling that promise–proving to you that he can provide you with everything. It's evident in the way he meticulously cuts up the food for you and feeds it to you with a small smile on his face. 

You accept the food without a fight, obediently chewing and swallowing every bite, but it all might as well turn to ash in your mouth for how tasteless the normally sublime meals now seem to you. Like everything else–the dresses, the fine jewelry, the cosmetics–it's all a farce. None of it means anything. You’re like a jester wearing the king's jewels to play an absurd joke. What does any of it mean when everyone knows you're just the whore? When it doesn't come with any power whatsoever, not even over your own life??

Throughout the meal, he speaks to you, telling you about anything and everything, throwing ideas at the wall in the hopes that it would be the thing that finally makes you talk. But it never does.

When your food is all gone, he wipes your mouth off and calls for the maids to clean everything up. 

"I have to go." He informs you when the maids are finished. "What will you be doing today?" 

"Waiting for you. Isn’t that what I'm for? To entertain you?" 

"No. You’re so much more than that to me. You know I would give you the whole world on a platter if I could." He grabs your hands, proclaiming earnestly, but you don’t give him any reaction. He sighs defeatedly. "Why don't you rejoin the ladies in waiting? It would do you good to do something other than sit here in your room all day." 

You huff scornfully, and pull your hands out of his grip. "Why? So your poor sister has to suffer through dealing with me and other ladies can treat me with disgust?" 

You try to beat him down with the venom in your words, but he refuses to stay down. "Well then, what would you like to do? I hate seeing you like this."

"But I thought you said you're ok with breaking me." 

That’s a good punch. That one hurt him. 

"I’m sorry. I just…” He struggles to find the words for a second. “I had to do what I had to do to keep you.” 

“How romantic.” 

“I tried romantic! I did everything you wanted!” He exclaims. 

You don’t bother replying to him. You just look away from him in disgust because you don’t have any fight in you anymore. And because you know it hurts him all that much more. 

“Don’t just sit there. Yell at me. Hit me. Do anything. Just don’t ignore me, god damn it!” He beseeches but you maintain your silence, breaking him down just a little bit. “I miss you so much, princess. You’re right here with me but it’s like you’re not, and I don’t know what to do to bring you back. I know you hate me and I hate myself too for what I did to you but I never would’ve done it if you didn't try to leave me. I would’ve waited for you. I waited for years, didn’t I? I just couldn’t handle you leaving me. I’d die if you left me. I’d kill if you left me. Just tell me what to do. Other than marriage, what could he give you that I can’t?” 

You scoff. “You speak as if marriage is a triviality.” 

“And you speak as if I wouldn’t have married you if I had any say in the matter!” He shouts, exasperated. “Do you even realize what I’ve done for you? I gave my life for you. I fought for you so fucking hard but my father wouldn't listen. He never cared about me until he found a use for me. I'm nothing but a good business deal to him. He said it himself. He told me that marrying her was my only chance to prove to him why I deserve to carry the family name. But still I refused because I love you! So then he threatened to take you away from me. He said he would withdraw his support of your father and send you away to a brothel if I don’t marry her. I had to do it to protect you. He has always used you against me and now I’m losing you because of him." His eyes glint dangerously as finishes off his maddened rant, and his hands fist into his lap. “God, I could just kill him.”

"Don’t be stupid.” You jump in quickly, scared of the hateful wrath you see in him. “What use would that be to us? You’re married already."

"To someone I don’t love. I only love you. But now you won't even speak to me.” He cries out, his anger teetering back into despair. “What do I have to do to win you back?"

Win you back? It’s just like Beomgyu to think he can make any of this better, to think that this is just like any of his other mess ups that you sweeped under the rug because he hit you with his puppy eyes.

"What about archery, huh? You always wanted to do that, right?"

“Archery? That’s your repentance?” You bark out a laugh, "I thought these things weren't for ladies. Or is it okay now that I'm officially the whore?" 

"You'll never be the whore for me. I told you, I would’ve made you my princess if I had the power to. I would’ve left everything behind if you wanted me to.” 

“What I want is for you to let me go.” You scream. You’re so frustrated, you could pull your hair out.

“I can’t do that.” He grits out, holding his anger on a tight leash for you. “Just think about it, okay? Why don't you take a stroll around the garden or head to the library to clear your mind? I got you that book you've been wanting for a long time." 

"The book of fairytales?" You can't help letting a tinge of excitement color your voice. You don't want to do anything that would make Beomgyu feel even remotely okay with what he did to you, But you also don't care that much.  This is the first hint of positive emotion you've felt since that night and you'll be damned if you have to squash it, even for him. 

"Yes, my love." He grabs your hand and tries to kiss it but you draw it back. Still, the smile only falters for a blink of an eye. "Go take a look at it. I have to go now but maybe I can read you some of it tonight." 

That’s part of the routine too. Even though he can’t stay the night with you, he makes sure to put you to sleep before he leaves, frequently either reading or singing you to sleep. 

Getting up, Beomgyu’s eyes linger on you for a second, heavy with a longing and love that if a deity were to exist, he wouldn't have been allowed to possess, before he sighs and reluctantly walks away. 

______________________

Stepping into the library, you don’t expect the scandal you walk onto–princess Ryujin in the arms of lord Soobin, kissing and touching as if they are the newlyweds. 

Your gasp alerts them to your presence and they draw apart. Soobin jumps to put a distance between the two of them, while the princess pulls away more deliberately, for all the world as if she’s not ashamed of being caught. 

“My lady–” Lord Soobin starts, eyes as wide as those of a cornered rabbit, and his body shaking just as much. 

You don’t know what to say. What does one even say in this situation? 

Are you two together? Do you love him? How can you cheat on your husband who cheated on you?  

It all sounds so stupid. Luckily, she speaks for all of you. 

“You go ahead, Binnie. I’ll be right behind you.” She tells him, her tone brokering no argument as she nudges him forward lightly. 

Binne? 

“Of course, princess. My lady.” Binnie gives you a curt bow and flees the scene, leaving you and the princess alone in the library. 

She turns to you and laughs at your, you can only imagine, stupefied expression.

“You can’t seriously be shocked by this.” She says it like she’s disappointed in you. “What? So he can fuck around with you but I can’t kiss a few men? It’s not like I fuck them since the ‘progeny has to remain pure’.” 

A few men? So lord Soobin isn’t the only one?

You finally gain enough brain capacity to close your dry mouth and attempt a response. “It’s none of my business.” 

“Bullshit.” She scoffs, “He knows.” 

She doesn’t need to mention his name for you to know that she’s talking about Beomgyu. He knows? Does he care? 

As if she can read your mind–or maybe she can just read your expression, she answers. “He doesn’t care. He’s crazy about you.” 

She walks up to you, and for an unknown reason, you worry she would slap you. She’d be within her right, you suppose. The man who was promised only to her, has fucked you on their wedding night. 

But she doesn’t touch you. She stops right in front of you and looks you deep in the eyes, her gaze unreadable, but it makes you feel naked in front of her. “He doesn’t even look at me when he fucks me, you know? Just pushes my head into the pillow and takes me from behind. He even moans out your name sometimes.” 

“I’m so sorry.” You don’t know why you’re apologizing. You’re not the one doing this to her. Still, you feel guilty somehow. Maybe it’s because her words placate an ugly part of you that is jealous she even gets to lie with your man, wear his name while you’re relegated to being the whore. 

She laughs. “If you’re going to be sorry for something, then be sorry for this.” She pulls one of her sleeves up to show an ugly handprint on her forearm. 

“Oh my god.” You gape at her, horrified. Beomgyu didn’t do that, did he? “Is he forcing you?” 

“Forcing me? Did you not hear me? He’d rather not even have to look at me.” She comments bitterly. “Not that I want him to. I’d rather he never touched me too but what can we do? They have to have their heir. It would be nice if he wasn’t so rough and outwardly disgusted with it though. I bet he’d never do that to his precious princess.” 

For a split second, that same monstrous feeling of satisfaction flashes through your veins at the physical evidence of Beomgyu’s loyalty to you, but it gets flushed out just as quickly with shame and anger. Yes, you feel sorry for her, but she has no idea what you’ve been through at his hands. “He’s done worse. He took me against my will.” You seethe, “He ruined my chances at a good marriage. He betrayed my trust.” 

“And he’d do anything to make it up to you. He’s like a sad, repressed puppy trying to control himself around you so you wouldn’t be angry at him anymore. He moans it into my ear when he’s particularly drunk and needy, saying how much he loves and misses you, begging you to take him back…” She trails off in a disgusted grimace that mars her beautiful face. “If I were you, I’d take advantage of it. You have him wrapped around your finger. You should milk him for all his worth.” 

“I don’t want anything from him. I want to get married to a good man who would love me and take care of me and not treat me like his property. I want to feel like I actually have a say in my own life!” 

“A good man? Like who? Your murder-happy lord? Spineless Soobin? There are no good men, darling. Only the lesser of two evils, and Beomgyu is that. Most men are like Soobin, cowards who would claim to love you but drop you if it would harm them in any way, and the ones who wouldn’t are like your lord Taehyun–fucking insane. At least with Beomgyu, you get to live in a palace and wear the finest things, eat the most delicious food and have people wait on you hand and foot. If you were with any other man, you’d be treated like shit and you’d have none of that.” She expounds as if she was imparting some profound advice onto you. “If I were you, I’d learn to tame him and I’d have myself a loyal and generous lover for life.” 

"How can you say that to me knowing what he did to me?” You bluster, “Aren't you a woman as well?"

"I am, that's why I'm saying it. Sweetheart, we live in a world dictated by men. You think as a princess I have any power of my own? I grew up getting taught how to be the perfect wife and woman so I can be shipped off to marry a man who doesn't give two fucks about me because he's in love with another woman, and yet I can't do anything about it because my only role in life is to provide a son for him so that the bond between our kingdoms can be strengthened and the men in charge can grow more powerful. Women rarely have the chance to have any real power. If we’re lucky, the only power we can have is through a loving husband or a doting son.”

“But he is not my husband. He is yours.” 

“He may not be your husband, but he treats you more like his wife than he does with me. He’d do anything to make you happy.” She says, stepping away from you. “Use that.” 

You can sense that the conversation is over, and you don’t bother stopping her as she bids you goodbye and leaves. But not before she tells you to think about her words. 

Think about it. That’s what they’ve both said, as if you can fucking stop thinking about it.  

Is he right? Is she? Is this really the best you can hope for? 

She is right about most men, you know that much. Before Taehyun came along, none of the countless lords you’ve come across in your lifetime dared to approach you. They were all too scared of Beomgyu. But Taehyun is different. He’s strong. He actually stood up to Beomgyu. He could protect you. 

But could he love you? You think he could, but do you even really know him? And does it matter anyway? You’re damaged goods now, not worth protecting, not worth loving. 

And you’re too much of a coward to even tell him. You just let him keep sending you letters that you don’t even have the courage to read because you’re so scared, so fucking ashamed of what Beomgyu has done to you. Knowing that when Taehyun finds out that you’ve been defiled. He’d be so repulsed, he’d drop you. 

No, you can’t handle that. It would be like Beomgyu had broken you a second time. 

So you just throw his letters straight into the fireplace, watching them go up in flames along with your stupid hopes and dreams.  

Beomgyu has won. You’re his now. 

You feel crushed by the weight of it. You need a distraction, an escape into a land where love exists as you’ve always known it. Not the ugly, twisted thing it has turned out to be. And you can find just that in the fairytale collection. 

You dive into it with fervor, trying to soak up every loaded glance, every heroic act, every brazen declaration of unending love. You wield it like armor around your body, trying to shield yourself away from the harsh reality, but it’s useless. 

The words blur in front of your eyes and enter your brain as an incomprehensible fog. Still you keep trying, braving the tears along with the heroes of the story until your tears drown them. 

Closing the book, you curl onto yourself on the chair, feeling so small and wretched. Usually when you’re so overcome with emotion like this, Beomgyu would hold you in his arms and let you cry until the storm blows over. 

But what happens when he himself is the cause of that storm? What do you get when your feelings of profound betrayal mixes with your desire to be comforted by him? 

It’s easy. You get a sense of self-loathing so intense you feel like you might just be annihilated altogether. 

But you can’t. He won’t let you. 

As if he had a direct connection to your heart, he appears at this moment, rushing to you and  engulfing you in a right embrace. With his arms around you, you’re now in the eye of the storm, and the violent winds can’t rip you apart anymore. 

"Oh, my darling, what's wrong?" He coos softly, kissing the top of your head. “Talk to me.”

Wordlessly, you cling onto him, trying to hide in him, from him. But he won’t have that. He cradles your face and pulls your head back gently to take a look at your wet cheeks and puffy eyes, and his expression sharpens. “What happened? Did someone hurt you?”

Your nod is miniscule, and his jaw tightens. “Who?” 

“You.” 

That makes him falter, his face breaking upon the jaggedness of his previous expression. “What?” 

“You’ve really hurt me, Beomgyu. I never thought that you of all people would hurt me this bad.” You say through shuddered intakes of breath, “Weren’t you the one who always said you’d protect me?” 

“I-I thought I was.” 

You give him a defeated look. You’re so tired. So fucking tired, you can’t fight anymore.

But he can. “I was wrong for forcing myself on you. It was a moment of weakness spurred by the madness of fearing that I was going to lose you. And I was hurt. However much I may have hurt you before, none of it compared to the mere thought of you leaving me. I was heartbroken, lovesick, and I wanted to hurt you like you hurt me.” 

“That is not an excuse–”

“It’s not. I shouldn’t have done it and I regret it.” He emphasizes, “But I don’t regret keeping you from him. He’s dangerous. I know he is, and I know you’d see it too if you got the chance but I’d die before I risk him touching even a single hair on your head. It’s an ugly world out there, princess, and I’ve been trying so hard to protect you from it. No one will love you like I do.” 

“Haven’t you ever heard of the saying ‘if you love something, set it free’?”

“Whoever said that must’ve not loved anyone as much as I love you.” He says firmly as if these are the truest words ever spoken, and he leans his head against yours. “And you used to love me that way too.”

 You hate yourself but his embrace feels soothing and his skin feels warm and you’ve just been so deprived. Yes, he will never give you the love you've read about in your books but no one else would ever love you now. 

You may never forgive him, but what can you do? You can’t keep withering away in your room while the world happens around you. You’re hurting no one but yourself. Well, maybe you’re hurting Beomgyu too, but is hurting him worth living in misery? 

He is right. They're all right. The kind of unconditional selfless love you long for only exists in books, right next to knights in shining armor who rescue the damsel in distress and sweep her away to a faraway land. 

People in the real world can be ugly, and maybe it takes a monster to protect yourself. 

You place your hand on his cheek and he leans into it. You could do this. You could make this work. 

Brushing your thumb over his cheek, you feel his eyelashes against the tip of it as he blinks lovingly at you. “You'll teach me archery?” 

His smile is the brightest you've seen in a long time and you have to stop yourself from looking away so it won't affect you. You should hate him. You do hate him. But you also love him. Maybe you're as sick as he is. 

"Yes. Yes.” He gushes, and for a split second, he looks like he’s going to kiss you in a burst of excitement, but he jerks to a halt when you unconsciously flinch back. Hurt flashes across his face and his smile turns sad as he grabs your hands instead, and plants a kiss on the inside of each one. “Thank you.” 

_______________________

At night, he comes to read you to sleep like he always does. 

Cuddled in his arms, he dictates to you in that deep, lulling voice of his, the book of fairy tales. You’re not hearing the words so much as just letting the vibrations from his chest transverse your back and oscillate across your limbs, like a cat purring, as he recounts the tale of a mermaid who longed to be with a human prince after saving him from a shipwreck. 

She loved him so much, she traded her voice for legs so she could be with him. She was told that if she couldn’t make the prince fall for her, she’d die and dissolve into sea foam. But she still went to him, and even though every step she took with her new feet felt like a sword jabbing deep into her, she would dance for him just because he loved to watch her dance. 

She became his most beloved companion, but still he didn’t fall for her. He was arranged to marry the princess from the neighboring kingdom, and despite his initial reluctance, he falls for her, thinking she’s the one who saved him all that time ago. The mermaid’s heart breaks. She did so much for him, sacrificed so much, and yet he chose another woman. 

As she contemplates her impending doom for failing to make the prince fall for her, her sisters come to her with a dagger that they’d procured from the very same sea witch who had given her her legs, instructing her to kill the prince with it so she can turn back into a mermaid and rejoin her family, free of all the pain he’d caused her. 

But the mermaid can’t bring herself to do it. She loved him too much. And so, with the rise of dawn, she throws herself into the sea, becoming one with it as she turns into foam. 

The story brings you to tears. They start off small, just silent tiny sniffles, but soon crescendo as the story comes to an end until you’re full on sobbing. That’s all you seem to do now, cry. 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. I’m sorry I read you such a sad story. Do you want me to read you something else?” He panics, flipping through the book, looking for a happier tale. “I’m sure there is something better here.” 

You turn around and take the book out of his fluttering hands, closing it. “She sacrificed herself for him because she loves him.” 

He looks at you in confusion. “Princess, what–”

“She wasn’t resentful for all she’s done. She wasn’t angry at him. She was just sad. And when it came to her happiness or his own, she chose his, because that’s what true love really means.” 

His face dawns in realization. 

“Why can’t you let me be happy?” 

"No one can make you happier than I can." He starts, and you try to look away, exhausted, but he grabs your face and makes you look at him. "What does this book even know about real love and sacrifice? I love you more than anyone has ever loved before, and this stupid book isn't going to take that away from me."

“I love you, princess. I can make you happy. I’ll do everything in my power to make sure of that.” He promises, holding you to him and wiping your tears away. “Hey, look at me.”

“What do you want, Beomgyu?” You cry, “You can’t just strongarm me into being happy when you’re not doing anything to actually make me happy!” 

“How can you say that?” He scoffs, bewildered. “I’m bending over backwards for you. How can you not see that? From early on, I made sure your every want was being met. You wanted to be rich so I made your family rich for you. You wanted an influential position so I made you a lady of the court. I treat you better than I treat my own wife. What else can you possibly ask for?” 

“I want dignity.” You retort, “I want freedom.” 

“So do I!” He screams back, “You think I’m happy about being in a political marriage while fighting every day to keep the person I really love from leaving me?”

He grabs you and pulls you close, his forehead pressed against your own and eyes boring into yours so you can’t escape. “Please. Just bargain with me. Isn’t there anything else I can do to make you happy? You used to be so happy to be with me before. How can I bring that back? Just ask and I’ll give it to you.”

“You can’t. It’s too late.” You push him off, and he defeatedly lets you go. 

Turning back to the book, his fingers glance over the beautiful illustration of a mermaid lounging out on the beach on the cover, and he asks contemplatively, “Remember that beach?” 

“What?” You ask, confused by the sudden detour. 

“There is this beach that we used to go to as kids. I don’t know if you remember it.” He explains, a small, sad smile on his face. “You always looked so beautiful there, dressed in your light, flowy dresses, that I’d have to try extra hard not to stare and make a fool of myself in front of everyone.” He laughs, hazarding a glance at you that you’re ashamed to say you dodge. 

You wish you didn’t immediately regress back to those memories but you do. He had a way of getting under your skin even when the situation seemed most hopeless. Can you ever really get away from him? You’re almost sure he’d find a way to talk himself into your life somehow.

But, god help you, you do remember. The most striking image in your mind was how beautiful he looked in the water–wet hair glistening and warm skin sunkissed and tan as he smiled at you so brightly, he looked more radiant than the sun in the sky. 

“You always looked so happy there too.” He recounts fondly, and you can't help but let the waves of memory wash over you and take you back to when you were so in love and so naive. 

It’s been a long time since you’ve seen the azul, frothy waters of the kingdom’s beach. The last time being when you almost died. Despite the gravity of the situation back then, the memory puts a smile on your face. 

Beomgyu, always in tune with your feelings, notices and responds back with a quick smile. “Are you thinking of that time you jumped in behind me and almost drowned?”  Beomgyu laughs, and you shrug absently, hating how easily he can read you. 

“Hey, it looked fun and it wasn’t fair that only the boys got to go in. I didn’t think it was that deep.” You try to reproach, but end up smiling despite yourself. 

Every time you’d been to the beach prior to that incident, only the boys were allowed to actually get into the water as it was seen as improper for the ladies to undress and go in. You’d always been very jealous and indignant every time it happened, the cool breeze and salty drizzle coming from the sea beckoning you in. 

That last time, you’d finally had enough, dodging the other ladies and jumping into the water. You had tried to get to Beomgyu but, for one, you couldn’t swim, and two, your puffy dress quickly soaked up the water and turned three times as heavy, pulling you down under the waves in no time. 

“Remember how you tried to save me but I was so panicked, I pulled you down with me?” 

“Yeah, I thought we were both gonna die that day.” 

“We would have, if it wasn’t for your brother fishing us out like wet rats.” 

Your giggles fill the room, yours light and airy and his loud and a little squeaky. It’s been so long since you’ve heard him laugh like this. 

“You know, you still have the same laugh you had as a kid.” You cup his face, looking at him closer. “But your eyes are sadder. They don’t shine the same way anymore.” 

“That’s because back then you looked at me like there was no one else in the world but you and I.” He whispers, brushing your hair out of your face. “And I naively thought that was always how it was going to be. But we’re not kids anymore, and you don’t look at me the same.” 

“You know why.” You press your lips firmly together, trying to hold on to your resolve and not let him guilt you into giving in. 

“I know but sometimes–” He pauses, brushing his fingers over the back of your hand. 

“What?” You hate how you hang onto his every word anyway.  

“Sometimes I wish we had drowned that day in the sea.” He looks at you, his eyes sparkling like the water was on that day and you fall into them just as deeply. “Then I wouldn’t have had to watch you grow to hate me… Is there even still any love for me left inside you?”

There is. You despise yourself for it but you still love him. He doesn’t deserve to hear it though. 

“Got it.” He lets out a pained laugh and retracts his hand, using it to wipe the tears that broke loose from his long lashes. “I know I said I’d rather you hate me than leave, but it still hurts like a suckerpunch.” 

____________________________________________

Like everything you ever do, this was a mistake. Archery is harder than you thought it would be. It's far from the graceful, effortless sport it looks like from the outside. 

First off, the bow itself is heavy. You struggle to hold it up, but shooting an arrow properly out of it was nearly impossible for you. You couldn’t draw it back far enough, so when you let it go, it didn’t even reach the target. Beomgyu had to stand behind you, supporting the weight of the bow and helping you pull the arrow far enough to shoot. You felt nothing like the capable, fierce woman you’d hoped to embody for and more like a toddler being taught how to hold a spoon. 

“Close your eye, princess.” He whispers into your ear, making you shiver, and if you were actually holding up the bow, it might’ve fallen. 

Second, it's a lot harder to shoot the targets than you think, even from embarrassingly up close like you are right now. You guess spending your formative years knitting doesn't lend itself to handling a ranged weapon. 

It's embarrassing really, how Beomgyu was basically holding the bow for you and guiding your every step and yet you still manage to completely miss the mark. And with the workers milling about, watching and snickering at you, it was doubly as mortifying. 

"You know what, maybe I'd shoot better if you weren’t stifling me." You explode at him and he blinks in surprise. 

“Princess, I don’t know if you can–”

“I can, okay? I’m not a child.” You huff. 

“Okay. Whatever you want.” He lets go of the bow and steps back, holding his hands up in surrender. 

You pull the bow upright, your hand shaking as you spring the arrow back. The whole weapon wobbles in your hold as you try your best to get a good draw.  

"Baby, I don’t think–” Beomgyu starts, but you don’t listen to him. He’s going to come up with whatever bullshit to stop you from doing it on your own, and honestly you don’t think you can keep your arm straight for much longer. 

Third, you learn the hard way why archers always keep their hair out of their face when the arrow catches a strand of your hair and rips it right off. Worst thing is, the arrow doesn’t even reach the target yet again. 

You scream bloody murder and drop the bow where it lands on your foot. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” You don’t know whether to hold your head or your foot, both intensely pulsating with pain. So you just settle on falling to the ground and screaming. 

In a second, Beomgyu is with you on the ground, his arms flying out to check on you. 

“Oh, baby. I’m so sorry. I should’ve been more careful.” He berates himself, looking at your scalp where the hair was ripped off. “That must really hurt. What was I thinking bringing you here?” 

You tear up at his words and hide your face in the crook of his neck. He had no confidence in you, and for good reason. 

“What is it? Where does it hurt the most?” He frets, going back and forth between your head and your foot, not knowing what to focus on. 

You just shake your head and wail. “I’m so stupid, and so weak. You’re right. I’ll never be able to take care of myself.” 

You had kicked up such a big fuss to get a chance to learn archery, and yet here you are fumbling it up just like Beomgyu said you would. Taehyun would have dropped you even if you were still a virgin. 

“You’re not stupid.” He soothes, pulling your foot out of your shoe to look it over and make sure it’s not injured. There is only redness there and it’s starting to swell a bit.

“Don’t lie.” You try to pull your foot back but he holds on tight, massaging it. 

“I’m not. I know you feel powerless and that’s why you’re doing all of this, but you’re not. You’re my whole world. My power is all yours. You don’t have to do this.” 

You look away because you can’t face him–as always, he sees right through you–but regret it when you see some servants are watching you. Remembering that you’re not alone, you yank your foot out of his lap and put your shoe back on. 

But Beomgyu doesn’t get the hint. He moves even closer to check on your hair so you push him off. “People are staring.”

“So what?” He asks, that familiar annoyance coloring his voice. “They all know you’re mine.” 

That’s right. They do. Why do you even bother to fight it anymore? 

So you just go pliant in his arms, letting him fuss over you and not moving an inch even when you see his sister step into the range. 

She greets the both of you as she walks towards you. “What are you doing on the ground?”

“Oh, nothing. We just dropped something.” He says, pressing your hair down to cover the spot that got ripped off then he wraps his arms around you and pulls the both of you to your feet. He doesn’t let go of you even when you’re standing up. It makes you nervous, how Wonyoung is bound to take it. She must think of you as a harlot who is using her brother for his money. She must’ve always thought that. 

But her eyes are as kind and sweet as ever. 

“What brings you here, Wonnie?” 

She sighs. “Father demands you start sitting through dinner with the rest of the family again.” 

“You know I can’t leave her alone.” Beomgyu protests, making you feel so small in that moment, that he thinks you can’t even eat on your own. You suppose he had been personally hand feeding you for a while now, but still. 

“That’s fine.” You hurry to say. “I can eat alone.” 

He gives you a look as if to say you can’t. But Wonyoung steps in. “Why don’t you join us too? You have a seat at the table as one of my ladies in waiting.” 

You look at her wistfully. “Thank you for being kind to me but I was never a lady in waiting.” 

“You are to me.” She insists, and you can’t detect any hint of sarcasm in her tone. “And I want you there.” 

Her words choke you up. She actually wants you there? 

You look between the two siblings, both looking back with equal conviction. You guess it runs in the family. 

“Okay. I will.” 

__________________________________

You’re getting ready for dinner, putting on one of your favorite dresses and making your hair up real nice–you have to look good to make up for not feeling like it–when that maid steps into the room. 

You look at her through the mirror, staring warily as she locks the door behind her and walks towards you. You can already see the letter she’s pulling out of her dress pocket.

“You have to stop–” You start saying but she pushes the letter into your hands. “Lord taehyun insists that you read this.”

“It’s useless–”

“He insists.” She repeats, “Just read it. If you don’t like what he says in it then he’ll stop bothering you.” 

You sigh, ripping the letter out of her hands. You suppose you can’t escape this so you might as well just get it over with. 

You think she’ll leave you to it but she just stands there and waits, probably to make sure you actually read it. You sigh again, opening it. You can see that it’s a short message, but you know it could either make or break you.  

I know what he did to you. 

Your breath catches in your throat. This is it. This is him telling you how disgusted he is with you and that he never wants to speak to you again. 

I’m so sorry, I couldn’t protect you. I am sorry it happened because of me. I know you think I don’t want you now. I know you’re burning my letters because of it. But I still want you. It’s not your fault. He did this to you. I am not going to punish you for what he’s done. If anything, I am going to make him pay for it. 

He–he still wants you? Even after Beomgyu has ruined you? 

The letter shakes in your hand as you’re overcome with a flurry of emotions–shock, happiness, indignation, worry… but one emotion stands out among the rest, anger. You’re so fucking angry. Beomgyu tried so hard to sabotage your life. He’s been nothing but manipulative, lying to you your whole life, orchestrating everything behind the scenes so you wouldn’t be able to get away from him, scaring away any potential suitor, conspiring with both his family and yours, antagonising Taehyun, imprisoning you, raping you… he’s like a cat playing with the rat it caught, batting it down every time it tried to make a run for it, leaving it more and more weakened until it’s time for it to be devoured. 

He did everything to keep other men away from you, to make you feel like no other man would want you, that only he could ever love you, but he still failed. He tried to take everything away from you so you’d have no one but him. And yet here is Taehyun–a man Beomgyu has warned you time and time again about–coming to rescue you from the very man who claims he’s trying to save you. Taehyun still wants you. He hasn’t thrown you to the side because you’re used goods like Beomgyu was hoping. 

That's not important right now though. What is important is you and my promise to you that I fully intend to honor. If you still want my help, know that you have it. And this time I'm determined to do it right if my life depends on it. I owe you that after what you've been through. 

But I need you to find a way to get out of the castle and preferably the city. I can’t get you out of there without an army. But if you can find a reason to get out, even if he insists on coming with you, I can make it work. I can free you once and for all. 

‘Get not only out of the palace but also the city? That should be easy.’ You think bitterly. Beomgyu would never let you do that. If anything, he’s become even more strict with you, keeping a guard near you at all times and not letting you out of his sight for long. 

God, just the thought of his name ignites a rage so consuming within you. He really almost had you giving up. 

You sit down and write a quick reply to Taehyung, your pen quill digging into the paper so hard it almost cuts through it. You tell him that you fully intend on taking him up on his promise and that you’ll find a way to make it work too if your life depended on it. 

You hand the letter over to the maid just in time for Beomgyu to come to pick you up for dinner. You know you can’t let him know how angry you are. He’d get suspicious of the sudden change in your attitude and he might dig until he finds out that Taehyun has been sending you letters. You needed to act normal to not blow your cover. 

But you can’t. You’re so upset that he senses it right away, pestering you about it the whole way to the dining hall despite your repeated assurances that you’re fine and that you’re just tired. 

At dinner, he keeps his eyes on you the whole time, especially because you don’t take a single bite of your food–the anger inside you filling you up to the brim. You just sit there in front of your full plate, hands curled so tightly around the silverware, your knuckles turn white just so you’d stop yourself from leaping across the table and stabbing him with it. 

He, on the other hand, looks incredibly concerned. No doubt wondering why you’re not eating and looking like he’s itching to come and hand-feed you like he’s gotten used to, but he has to stay next to his wife. Which is just fortunate because you don’t think you could control yourself if he comes near you. 

Eventually, he can’t help himself anymore.

“Why aren’t you eating?” He asks and you freeze under the stares of everyone. 

“I’m not hungry.” You deadpan.

Beomgyu scoffs, not unkindly. “You have to eat.” 

“I’m not hungry.” You repeat, stressing on every word. You’re sure everyone around the table can feel the tension between you as you glare down a confused Beomgyu.  

“Try the duck.” Wonyoung jumps in, cutting a piece and putting it on your plate. “It’s delicious.” 

You know she’s trying to dissipate the tension, but her action has the exact opposite effect as the king slams his drink on the table and grumbles, "Not you too, Wonnie.” 

Now, everyone’s eyes are on him, including your own. 

“She’s not a child. She can feed herself for fuck’s sake.” 

“I know, but father–”

“No buts. You and your brother have spoiled her. You took her in and treated her like one of your own until she deluded herself into thinking she is.”

“Father, please.” Wonyoung panics, shooting a look between you and Beomgyu. You don’t know how you must look right now–shocked? Humiliated? Mortified? 

But you know how Beomgyu looks… downright murderous. 

“No. I’ve had enough of this joke. It's absurd the way you're masquerading her around like she's something. If he had fucked her long ago like he wanted and you had the heart to put her in her place, she wouldn’t be sitting with us on this table right now. His wife is right here for god’s sake. This is disgraceful."

"I did what you wanted.” Beomgyu grits each word out separately, his anger eclipsing your own to the point where yours feels like a mere tantrum. You can see that he has his hand clasped around one of the serrated knives in front of him, and your stomach churns. “I married her so you can secure your power. What more do you want of me?"

"I want you to stop coddling the whore and be a man worthy of your title."

Oh god, you have to do something and quickly. He might actually do what he’s been threatening to do. 

You shoot up to your feet. “I’ll go, my king. Prince Beomgyu, may I please have a word with you?”

The king snorts as you give Beomgyu a pleading look. “Please, my prince.”

Beomgyu takes a look around the table. You don’t know if the others are aware of the weapon in his hand or if they think he’s just holding onto his cutlery like everyone else, but Wonyoung seems to notice too, sending her brother her own pleading look and mouthing the word ‘go’ to him. 

You breathe a quiet sigh of relief as he lets go of the knife and stands up, his chair falling behind him from how forcefully he does. You quickly turn around and leave the dining hall, assured that Beomgyu will be hot on your heels. 

Once you’re both far enough away and completely alone, he explodes. 

“I’m going to kill him. I swear to god I will.”  

“Don’t be stupid. You can’t kill him!” You hiss, your wild eyes searching his face for any sign of lingering sanity. 

“Why not?”

“If you kill him, you’ll get killed too.” 

He laughs. “Isn’t that what you want? For me to die?”

That makes you falter. “What?”

“I saw the way you looked at me at dinner. I see the way you look at me all the time now.” He says bitterly, “You want your freedom, but I could never let you leave. If I die, you'll finally be free.” 

“Oh, fuck you, Beomgyu.” You snarl. “Don’t try to act like the victim in this. You want me to feel sorry for you after all you did?”

“Everything I did, I did for–”

“For me?” Your voice rises in pitch and you gesticulate wildly. “Look around you, Beomgyu. None of this is for me. Every day I spend in this fucking castle, it kills me more and more inside. Nobody wants me here. They all look at me and think ‘what is the whore doing next to us?’” 

“Who cares about them? You have me!”

“But I don’t have you. Your wife has you, and she doesn’t deserve the way you’re treating her either. You hurt her every night. I have seen the bruises on her body. Do you think that is something that I would want?”  

"You want me to make love to her?" He laughs maniacally. No. No you don't. You can barely stand the idea of him being with her but that doesn’t mean that you want him to treat her so dreadfully. 

"No, but at least treat her honorably." 

“And what about me, huh? You think it’s easy for me to be with her? ” He shouts, "Did you even think of what I have to go through every night when I’m with her? You know that thing I did to you, the reason you hate me so much? It's what I go through everyday with her. I would rather claw out my own heart than fuck her. I feel so fucking disgusted every time I’m forced to touch her, but I have to do it so I can provide for you like you want. I hate every single moment I have to spend in her bed but I do it for you even if it makes me physically sick."

He breaks down at the end of his proclamation and even though he doesn’t deserve your pity, you do pity him. He’s a pawn on someone else’s board, just like you. 

“I only want you. I've only ever wanted you.” He grabs you, resting his forehead against yours as his tears fall over your cheeks as if they’re your own. "I'd give you whatever you want if I could."

"But you can't. And what I want now is for you to let me go." 

"No, no." He holds onto you tighter, laying his head on your shoulder as he sobs. "Anything but that."

God, how did it ever get to this? This wasn’t how you thought your life was going to go when you were on that beach all that time ago. 

That’s it! That’s your ticket out. 

Cautiously, you ask, “Anything?” 

He pulls back to look at you, eyeing you warily. “What do you have on your mind?”

“I want to go back to that beach.” 

“What?” You can tell that his mind is running a million miles an hour to try to figure out the reason behind your sudden request, but you can’t afford to let him reach his own conclusions. 

“I’m just fucking tired of being here around your father and the other ladies and your fucking wife.” You exclaim venomously, making him wince. “I want to get away from it all. Don’t you want that?” 

“I do but–” 

“You say you want me to go back to how I was. How can I do that when we’re surrounded by people who constantly remind me of how I’ll never amount to anything but being your whore?” You plead your case passionately, hoping to god he’d take the bait. “Maybe it would do us good to be away from it all for a little while.” 

You know you don’t owe him anything after all he’s done, especially not honesty or love, but you still feel bad for lying about this. Yes, it would be nice to revisit those old memories, but that’s not why you’re suggesting it. 

"But the coast—he controls it."

You know, that’s exactly why you suggested it. The kingdom only has one coastline and Taehyun, as the protector of the harbor, controls it. That exact beach isn't inside his city but he rules the whole coastline. 

You laugh sharply. "So? You think he wants me now that I'm damaged goods? You took care of that."

You know you got to him with that because he falters and a guilty expression takes over his face.  I'm sorry. Will you ever forgive me?"

You need to be careful about your answer. Saying the wrong thing could ruin your chances. But you think you know just what to say to get him to agree.

“I can try.” 

“Okay.” He gives in, blindly latching onto the hope of you someday forgiving him, and you almost let out a sigh of relief. “Whatever you want.” 

Okay. Okay. This is happening. Your heart beats rapidly in your chest as you’re once again overcome with conflicting emotions–excitment at getting a second chance, fear that the same thing that happened last time would happen again, sorrow at the thought of losing Beomgyu, guilt at having deceived him so when he’s just trying to make you happy. But you can’t let your emotions get the best of you or you’d collapse under the weight of them all. You need to focus on the task ahead and think about the rest later.   

But already you can anticipate something that could put a wrench in your plans. “What about the king?"  You ask, chewing your lip nervously. Would he let you and Beomgyu go on a “romantic” getaway after the outburst he had over you accompanying him on one trip to the city?

Beomgyu tenses. "I'll make it work."

______________________________________

It's beautiful, just like you remember.  

The sea air hits your body and tears away your troubles with every step you take, the sun searing off any stubborn bits that remain, until you’re stripped down to your most essential parts that then descend into the water to be purified. 

Beomgyu is just as beautiful as the sea. He shines under the sun, his skin practically glowing and his hair in waves that rival those of the sea, and as he pulls you in, you finally understand all those tales about dying at the hands of beautiful sea creatures. He’s not the mermaid he’s read to you about, but a siren who holds your very life in his hands. 

But Beomgyu doesn’t drown you. Instead, he holds you up on his back, swimming around with you. He’s so graceful, even as he carries you deep into the water with such ease, you think he’ll sprout a tail. You wonder what the colors of his tail would look like? Would it be a warm golden honey color like what he’d always seemed like to you? Would it be a sickly, rotten green that infects everything around it? A fiery red that threatens to consume? A shimmery black like the alluring void that pulls you into him? 

“--careful!” Beomgyu’s voice registers in your ears just as a wave hits you. You think it would push you clear off him but his grip on you is strong and you don’t go anywhere. He holds you close to his body as turns around to face you, keeping you up with a steady arm around your waist. You’ve never thought of Beomgyu as being particularly strong, but the way he keeps you pressed to him against the will of the sea makes your stomach flip. 

“Careful.” He reprimands, wiping the salty water off your face. “Remember what we talked about, princess?”

“Yes.” You say, blinking the stinging water out of your eyes. “High, duck. Low, jump.” You repeat what he’d instructed you about how to handle the evercoming waves–jump up with him over it when it’s low, and hold your breath and dive under it when it’s too high. 

“Good girl.” He murmurs, leaning in towards your face in what you could only assume to be an attempt to steal your breath away. 

Out of the corner of your eye, you see a big wave coming. 

“DUCK!” You shout and hold your breath to prepare to dive, the last thing you see before going under is Beomgyu’s own eyes closing. 

You feel the current pass over you but you don’t worry for a second because Beomgyu’s hold on you is firm and reassuring, and after a few seconds, you feel yourself being pulled back to the surface. 

You take a deep breath and wipe the water out of your face, opening your eyes to see the wide grin of Beomgyu, your own face mirroring his. 

“How did it feel not to drown for once?” 

“Amazing!” You exclaim, truly giddy. “Let’s do it again.” 

“Let’s.” He laughs fondly, “Here is another one coming. Jump.” 

You bounce over the small wave, the water carrying you upwards like you’re weightless and you wrap your arms around Beomgyu’s neck, clinging to him like your raft. 

He looks at you tenderly and your cheeks heat up as if you’re just now meeting him. You suppose you are in a way. It’s been so long since you’ve seen this Beomgyu–your carefree friend who you fell in love with. 

A hint of melancholy tickles you at that thought but you don’t have much time to dwell on it before the next wave comes to wash away all your negative feelings. You spend the entire afternoon among the waves, happy to get thrown around every which way as you attempt to guess how high the oncoming waves are going to be.

You don’t always get it right. Sometimes you’d dive when it was low and attempt to jump up when it’s high, getting smashed by the wave, Beomgyu’s clear laugh slicing through the temporary disorientation.

It feels exhilarating in that way only controlled danger can make you feel, because Beomgyu never lets go of you once, and for the first time in a long time, you feel safe in his arms. 

By the time the sun starts setting, you’re thoroughly tired out, and Beomgyu wades the both of you back to the shallow end so you could sit in relative calm between his legs, only slightly nudged here and there by the tiny waves that make it to the shore. You grab the sand at your sides, mesmerized by the way it slips through your fingers each time you attempt to pull it out of the water until only a small amount stays in the middle of your palm. He on the other hand busies himself with twirling your hair, fascinated by the way the salty water is making it curl. 

“You think it’s too late to drown?” You ask as you lean back into his chest to watch the sunset. 

“No, but killing ourselves would kind of put a damper on what I had planned for tonight.” 

You crane your head to the side to look back at him suspiciously. “What are you up to?” 

“You’ll see.” 

____________________________

You go back to Beomgyu’s family’s estate to bathe and have dinner before heading back to the beach. He tells his personal guards to stay a little way back so you could have some privacy. He walks you to an area where he had a rug laid out for you, surrounded by flowers and lanterns. 

It’s perfect… perfect for what you had planned out, that is. 

It would’ve been perfect as a romantic gesture too if he wasn’t married to someone else and keeping you with him against your will. 

He sits down on the rug and pulls you down with him, seating you between his legs so your back is resting against his chest before he clumsily pours the both of you a glass of wine. It would’ve been much easier for him to do that if he was unhindered but Beomgyu doesn’t seem interested in letting you go even for a second. He’s been attached to you throughout your whole time here, even more so than he usually is, as if he can sense the danger in the air. 

And maybe he can. Beomgyu has always been quite intuitive when it comes to you. That’s how he caught you last time. So you needed to make sure to dull his natural attentiveness. Luckily, you have a large bottle of the finest wine in the kingdom to aid you.  

“I’ve never seen so many stars.” You comment in wonder. Back home, the forever burning lights of the city never waned, polluting the sky with their ugly orange and obscuring many of the stars and constellations from your view. Sitting here right now under their full glory, you realize what a shame it was, and it all just seems like a fitting metaphor for your life in that dreaded castle–blinded and never getting the chance to see things for how they really are. "They’re so beautiful." 

"Not half as beautiful as you." 

"Ugh, that's too much, even for you." You give him a disgusted look that carries no ill intention despite everything. 

He laughs. “I suppose I took it too far.” 

“Yeah, no kidding.” You snort and refill his glass. 

“Are you trying to get me drunk?” He jokes, and you can feel your heart palpitate for a second. But you force yourself to keep your composure. 

“Maybe.” You say huskily, giving him a sultry look that makes him gulp before you turn back to look at the stars. 

You know you’ve succeeded in deflecting when you feel him gulp down his cup nervously and then refill it. This is the first time you’ve been remotely flirtatious with him since that night and he doesn’t know what to do with himself so he drinks to calm down his nerves. 

Having downed half of his third cup, he starts again, "You know, in some cultures, stars are considered to be the souls of dead ancestors." 

"That's sweet." You comment, not really thinking much of it as you take a sip of your drink, still on that first cup. It’s a fanciful thought that helps people process their grief. You understand, but you can’t see it going beyond that. 

"What do you think happens after death?" 

You pause. You’ve never really thought about it much. You’re so young that you didn’t think you needed to. Truth is, you hadn’t even entertained the idea that one day you will die before this moment, and the thought unsettles you. Yes, you’ve briefly feared it that time you almost drowned but that was because of the situation at hand and after prince Yeonjun had pulled you out, you’d just laughed it off, never really giving it a second thought.  

But here, in Beomgyu’s arms in front of the ancient sea that has seen thousands of lovers come and go, it all feels so real. 

"I don't know." You answer, disturbed.

"Do you think there is really an afterlife?” He presses, “Do you think people get reunited after they pass?"

You turn to him. "What's all this talk about death and the afterlife? Are you going to kill me?" You ask, trying to lighten the mood but he doesn’t share the joke. 

He looks down at you, his face the most serious you’ve ever seen. "I just want to know that if I lose you on earth, I might still have a chance to make my way back to you."

You look forward so he wouldn’t see your eyes water. He’s done a horrendous thing to you, but no one can claim that he doesn’t care, and you feel so wretched for what you’re about to do to him. 

Trying to deflect, you attempt to joke again. "So I can't escape you, even in death?" 

Instead of just frowning at your joke, he takes his arms off you and pulls away from you completely, and you immediately feel the cold harshly nipping at your skin. 

"You really hate me, huh?" 

"No, Beomgyu–" You rush to say. It's just a joke. You want to tell him, but he interrupts you.

"I have something for you." 

You look at him warily, rubbing your hands over your arms in an attempt to warm yourself. What is he up to now? 

Moving so he is sitting in front of you, he digs his hand in his pants for something, and to your absolute shock, he pulls out a ring. 

"Beomgyu, what is this?" You ask, your breath barely carrying over the wind. 

"I know I can't marry you officially, but I also know how much this means to you, and it means the same to me. In my heart, you're my wife." He proclaims, holding the ring out to you like it’s his own heart. “This is my mother’s heirloom ring. It’s been in my father’s family for centuries. It was supposed to go to my brother but my mother gave it to me so I can give it to you.”

“What?” That can’t be. You’re just the whore. 

“She knows how much I love you–” He goes on but you stop him. “Beomgyu, I can’t accept this.” You fight with every fiber of your being to get the words out and not fall into his arms. 

He can’t do this to you, not now, not when Taehyun is almost upon you. 

“Please.” He beseeches, “Apart from killing my entire family so I can officially marry you, there is nothing I can do. Just please, I’m begging you.”  

In this moment, you realize that he’ll never, ever give up on you even if it kills him. And something about that is so enthralling, to have someone so completely devoted to you. It compels you to give in even if that would be beyond fucked up. 

He’s a mess, but he’s your mess. You’ve been so bothered about his flagrant acts of ownership over you, that you’ve failed to realize that he was showing the world that you own him too. You own him and you reserve the right to have him, to kiss him. So you do. 

You grab his face and pull him in for a kiss. You don’t know how but each time you share a kiss with Beomgyu, you think that this must be the most desperate one could ever feel, but then you’re separated from him and the next time you kiss, it’s even more desperate. 

His kiss knocks the breath out of you more than any body of water could. He consumes you whole like he could make you stay with just his kisses. There is nothing shy about it, just pure need and bitter love. 

You’re lightheaded by the time you pull back, but Beomgyu somehow finds the breath to beg, “Please. Please, I need you. I miss you so bad." 

Pathetically, you lie on your back and let your legs fall open for him like it’s his rightful place. It might as well be for how easily he finds his way there, his mouth attached to yours once more as you wrap your legs around his waist and pull his body against yours.  

You feel sick for wanting him after what he's done to you, but the weight of him over you, solid and warm and so comfortingly familiar makes you want to melt into him and just give him what he wants. 

After all, your and Taehyun’s plan might actually work and then you might never see him again. Might never get the chance to kiss him, touch him, hear him moan… 

At that thought, you pull him even closer to you until there is no room to even breathe, swallowing down his groan when his hardening dick brushes against your core. 

"Oh god," He gasps revenantly. “I missed you so much. I’m so sorry for what I have done to you. I will do everything in my power to make it up to you.”

"No. No more of that." You put a finger to his lips. You don't want to be reminded of what he did to you or what you’re about to do to him. "Just kiss me."

"Yes, princess." He obeys, his mouth meeting your own fervently. 

You jump when you feel his hand squeeze between your joined bodies, arching into his touch when he rubs at your pussy through your underwear. 

"Beomgyu," You mewl pathetically. Right now, you must look just like the whore they say you are, spreading your legs like this for him on the beach for anyone to see, for his men to see, for Taehyun to see. 

Oh god, taehyun. If he catches you like this…

"I know, princess." He dips a finger inside you then two, shutting off your mind. "I'll take care of you. I love you so much.” He vows, “Please tell me you love me too.”

You do but you’re not ready to say it. You still don’t forgive him. 

"Princess, please," His voice is teary and sorrowful, but he doesn't stop the movement of his fingers as they push in and out of you, burning you up, trying to draw an answer out of you.

To shut him up, you thrust your own hand between your bodies to grab at his dick. You knead him through his pants, and your need flares even brighter as you feel the shape of him in your hand. God, you must really be sick because all you want is to feel him inside you. 

"Fuck!" He shudders, hands fisting into the sand near your head. "Oh god…" He slumps against you, his mouth finding yours again and moving his lips against you clumsily. 

You're so caught up in each other that you don't notice when Taehyun and his men sneak up on you, so lost in the kiss that you're startled when he's ripped away from you. 

You both don't have the chance to react before someone hits him square in the face with the hilt of a sword, making him fall off you.

You don’t see it at first because of his long hair shadowing his face but as he lifts his head up, you see the red blood cascading down his face. 

“Oh my god.” You pull down your skirt and try to move towards him but someone grabs you and pulls you to your feet. 

“We need to go before anyone is alerted.” It’s Taehyun’s voice, tight and firm.

“But he’s hurt.” You protest dumbly, as if that would matter to him. And he tells you as much. "He deserves much worse for what he did to you." 

“Princess… what is going on?” Beomgyu holds his head and tries to blink the blood out of his eyes. “Get away from him.” 

Your heart wrenches at seeing your beloved like that, but you have to be strong. Now is not the time to be kind. “I have to go, Beomgyu.” 

“No, no,” He shakes his head and tries to get up but his head injury makes him wobbly and he falls face first into the sand. It sticks to his face because of the blood, making your heart beat against the walls of your chest in an attempt to pull you towards him, but Taehyun’s hold on you is tight. “Don’t go. You can’t leave me.” 

“I have to. You’ve left me no choice.” You attempt to explain to him but Taehyun is already pulling you away. 

“No!” Beomgyu screams and crawls towards you. “You can’t take her. You can’t. She’s mine. We–I–I’ve already taken her virginity. She’s no good for you.” 

You know he’s only saying that to attempt to discourage Taehyun from escaping with you, but it still cuts away at you. Taehyun doesn’t seem to appreciate it either. 

“You’re a fucking bastard.” He growls, advancing on Beomgyu’s crouched form and kicking him down with his boot. 

“Stop it.” You yelp, pulling Taehyun away so he wouldn’t hurt Beomgyu even more. 

“Can’t you hear the way he’s talking about you?” Taehyun flares, looking like he’s fully intending to beat Beomgyu into a pulp. “He needs to pay.”

You shake your head, holding onto his arm with all your might. "I thought you said I'd get to make my own decisions with you. I don't want you to hurt him." 

His eyes narrow and you prepare to physically put yourself between him and Beomgyu, when one of his men speaks up. 

"We don't have time, my lord. We have to go.” 

Taehyun glances between you, his men, and Beomgyu’s writhing form on the ground. "Alright. Go ahead." He gestures to his men. 

They surround Beomgyu and you worry they’re going to hurt him, but they only restrain him. You watch as he fights them futilely. 

“Don’t, please.” He cries, the scene so reminiscent of his wedding night, except he’s the one begging. You wonder if he even felt any hint of the remorse and pain you’re feeling right now or if he felt completely justified in what he’s done. The memory hardens your resolve, and you lace your fingers with Taehyun. The man looks down at you, a small reassuring smile on his face. 

“Ready to go?” 

“Yes.”  

"Please don't, please!" Beomgyu wails, looking crazed. His voice is strained and scratchy from yelling after you as if you’re ripping his heart out, until the men tie something around his mouth, stifling his words. 

But as you walk away, you can still hear his pained whimpers, crying out for you like a dying man. 

You think that’s the worst thing you’re going to encounter tonight. Until you happen upon the dead bodies of the soldiers who were guarding you and Beomgyu. It seems stupid now but you had really thought that Taehyun and his men would merely incapacitate them, but as you peer down into their lifeless faces, you realize how wrong you’d been. 

"Oh my god. Oh my god." You heave, feeling nauseous.

"Calm down."

"You’ve killed them!" You scream hysterically. 

You know those guards. You’ve lived with them. Yes, you weren't friends but you've talked to them before. You've seen them laugh. You've seen them eat. You've seen them have bad days. But now they won't have any of that anymore. They'll be put in the ground where the worms would feast on them. Or worse, they might not be discovered until the birds have had the chance to peck at their dead, unblinking eyes. And if there is a life after death, they’d curse you for being the cause of their demise. 

God, what have you done? 

“Now is not the time. Get yourself together. ” Taehyun grabs your shaking form and pulls you away from the dead men, his voice strict but grounding. "It had to be done. Otherwise they would have freed him and pursued us." 

You shake your head as if you’re physically trying to shake the image out of your mind.  

"It's okay. Come here." He sighs, pulling you in his arms as he tries to comfort you, his hand patting your shivering back awkwardly. "You have to be strong from now on." He grabs your face gently, pulling your head away from his chest to look at you. "No more hiding like he made you do. You stand beside me now and to do that you have to be strong. Can you do that for me?"

You nod numbly because you know that’s what he wants to hear, not because you think you can do it. 

"Okay, darling." He kisses the top of your head and you try to calm yourself down. This is the real world, not the perfumed palace Beomgyu hid you in. The real world is ugly, and you’re the one who asked to see it.  

In a daze, you let Taehyun guide you to his hidden ship, taking you on board and sailing away. With dread, you watch the shore get smaller, and along with it, your life as you knew it. There is no going back now. For better or worse, you’ve finally escaped, and the life you’re heading towards will be the total opposite of what you’re used to. 

But it seems one thing will remain the same–the scorn and disgust of others toward you. 

It doesn’t take long for the word about how you were found to be spread around the ship–particularly of your position under the prince and where his hand was exactly. Taehyun’s men look at you with those same eyes the people at the palace looked at you, and once again, you’re seen as Beomgyu’s whore. 

You can never escape it, can you? You suppose you deserve it. You’re the one who couldn’t keep whatever remained of her chastity. Maybe you really are a whore. And maybe Taehyun is going to realize that soon and leave you. 

But your fears are dashed more quickly than you could even blink. Just as fast as the word had spread around the ship, did Taehyun get wind of it. And he brought the men who first spread it in front of you, forcing them to apologize to you and saying how that will be the last thing they ever say in their lives. 

“What do you mean?” You ask, horrified. 

“I’ll cut their tongues out for daring to dishonor the lady with it.”

His men kneel down, unmoving, probably scared of an even worser fate if they were to disobey their lord. You, on the other hand, can’t stay still. 

“No, please my lord, spare them!” You beg. You hold no love for them but you’ve hurt enough people today. You can’t bear any more. 

“But they’ve disgraced your name.” He doesn’t relent. 

“I know but please, have mercy. For me.” You plead with all your remaining strength. “Just this once.” 

“You’re more kind than me, my lady.” He mutters. That much you now know. 

“Get the hell out of my sight before I change my mind.” He spits at the men, and they scramble to their feet, stumbling over each other to escape the room. 

Taehyun turns his attention to you and you shiver at the severity you see in his expression. “I let them go just for you but I need you to know that this kind of behavior can’t go unpunished. When people think that there are no consequences to their actions, they can commit terrible things.” 

‘More terrible than murder?’ You almost ask but thank god you have the sense not to say it.  You’re in this man’s territory now. He could do anything he wanted to you, and you just now realize how little you actually know about him. Would he hurt you too if you disobey him? 

“I’m sorry for the commotion I’ve caused.” You say, wringing your fingers nervously and avoiding his sharp stare. “If I would’ve just controlled myself around him, none of this would’ve happened. And… I’m sorry you had to see that. I understand if you don’t want to be with me anymore.” 

You can hear his footsteps as he makes his way towards you. You tense up but don’t look at him–like a child hiding from a monster, you act like he can’t hurt you if you can’t see him. 

But Taehyun doesn’t hurt you. He props a finger under your chin and gently lifts your head up to look at him. "No need to apologize. I understand. You’ve loved him for years and I'm just a strange man." You almost breathe a sigh of relief, but then he continues. "I need to prove myself to you just as you need to prove yourself to me."

Something about his reassurance doesn’t sound at all reassuring to you.

There is that sentiment again–proving yourself to him. Just what does that mean?  

He'd mentioned that in the letters before and even though you were apprehensive, you thought you could do it. But now that you saw what happened, him hurting Beomgyu, him killing the guards, him almost hurting his own men. How exactly does he intend for you to prove yourself to him?

 _________________________________________

A/N: listen i worked so damn hard on this chapter so y’all better send me lots of feedback or i’ll quit writing lmao

Special thanks to 🌶 and ❄️ anons who helped me to get this chapter out quickly and @smuchsmut​ who made me a gorgeous poem that you’ll probably see one of the next chapters

[fsrintaro]

how they would use their fingers with you

## ft. tsukishima kei, miya twins, bokuto koutaro, sakusa kiyoomi

## warnings. fem!reader, fingering, oral (f receiving) names used: slut, whore , motor boating??, boobie worship, squirting, overstimulation, DROOL, nipple play, exhibitionism, not wearing underwear outside??omomomo, heavy degradation but also praise!!!!! , mentions of double penetration, slight anal fingering? , CHOKING

## a/n. did i go overboard with miya twins double penetration? yes because i need it AHAHAHA FML

REMINDER THAT CHARACTERS ARE TIME-SKIPPED. DO NOT PROCEED IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH NSFW CONTENT.

NSFW CONTENT BELOW — ONLY 18+

“stop squirming on my lap, you slut. overly eager, aren’t we hmm?” TSUKISHIMA KEI hissed in your ear, curling the pads of his fingers against the soft walls of your cunt. you screamed at the stimulation but it was only muffled by tsukishima’s fingers stuffed down your throat.

drool accumulated at your chin, swaying and slobbering down. at your current state of desperation, you couldn’t even bother to control yourself because whenever you begged him to slow down, it will only incites tsukishima to continue ruthlessly pounding at your drooling pussy as he paid no mind to you and only focused on one thing — making you squirt for him.

he was never really a fan of squirting until he actually witnessed it right before his eyes. within his mind still bores the imagery of your breasts heave and tremble at the over-stimulation, your cheeks flushed flushed in embarrassment with glazed eyes staring distantly into his. your mouth might be telling him to stop, so why does your pussy always clench down on his fingers? with that goal in mind, tsukishima pressed his thumb down hard, rubbing harsh circles on your clit.

“k-kei! itsh…itsh too-ngh-mush!” you whimpered with his fingers still clogging your mouth, spittles only coming through at your incoherent words.

“what?” he feigned ignorance, removing his fingers from your cunt to cup his ears and oh does it feel so empty without his fingers. “i can’t really hear you like that, princess.”

you could only choke out a sob at your futile attempt to save your abused cunt while tsukishima returned to his ministrations — plunging his fingers into your fucked-out cunt as he rubs deep circles onto your throbbing clit.

everyone knows that BOKUTO KOUTARO is one big ball of sunshine with a vast expense of energy stored in such a burly body. one might even wonder, how does he get such large amounts of energy?

going home to you was the greatest cure of it all. second to greeting you with a longing kiss on the lips, he loves to bury his face in the soft mounds on your chest. his tongue swipes at your hard nipples and hearing you moan at the action only makes him lap at your breasts much more enthusiastically.

his favourite is pushing your tits together while using his fingers to pinch ever so slightly at your nipples, while he sticks his tongue out and shakes his head. the tip of bokuto’s tongue making wet contact with your erect nipples before leaving it to tingle under the cold air.

“mmf-fuck, baby, you are so good to me. too fucking good to me with these tits.” he removes his lips from your nipple with a lewd ‘pop’ to continue exclaiming praises.

at one point in time, you figured that wearing a shirt around bokuto was useless as he would remove you from the clothing, tossing it to floor and once again, attacking your breasts with his mouth and hands.

“kou, would you rather me not wear a shirt anymore?” you were only joking but from the way bokuto whipped his head to plead you through his eyes made you realize that he is addicted to sucking and playing with your tits.

bokuto is addicted to the way your back arches against his hands whenever he flutters his fingers over your erect nipples, the way you would whimper ever so slightly when his mouth latches onto one breast as his hand kneads at the other. of course, he has to give both an equal amount of attention to both of them. anything to make his angel moan praises in his ear.

you were supposed to be on a romantic picnic with SAKUSA KIYOOMI, watching the sunset as you share stories over a glass of strawberry champagne. instead, you were on your side with the back of your skirt flipped up, sakusa being knuckle-deep in you.

“omi, not here.” you glared as you gripped his hand to stop him.

twisting his hand such that it is now yours under his tight grasp, he leaned towards your ear, “then why aren’t you wearing anything under?” sensing your hesitation at his words, he chuckled to himself. of course, after all you were just a needy little whore who needs him.

his fingers trailed up and down your slit, a translucent coating gathered at his fingertips. upon reaching your swollen nub, sakusa would ever so slightly flick at your clit, making you jerk in your spot. your eyes frantically shot around, trying to spot for anyone that noticed you and sakusa but lucky for you, every couple and every family were immersed in their own activities.

“try to keep still and quiet. we don’t want to get caught, sweetheart.” sakusa dipped a finger into your leaking hole. just one finger, yet it feels so fucking tight. so you do want to get caught eh? then let’s play.

he immediately moved on to having two digits knuckle-deep in your wet cunt, twisting and curling deep within. your legs starts to jerk at the stimulation, a knot forming in your stomach. people around you soon caught up with what you and sakusa were doing as you spot a few of them dragging their picnic mats away. but who the fuck cares? your mind and conscience was far too overwhelmed with lust to consider human decency. after all, your pussy is sakusa’s property as he has made it clear with the way he stuffed your little cunt to the brim with his seed yesterday.

MIYA OSAMU’S fingers drummed against the sides of your throat, squeezing just enough for you to be unable to process anything — even if it means you could not process the fact that osamu’s hands were massaging your tits and MIYA ATSUMU was burying his face between your legs.

“cock…cock-ah, pleasepleaseplease.” your back arching in need, pushing your cunt closer to atsumu’s face.

with both of them ignoring your pleas, you felt helpless and used. at this point, your pussy was a feast for atsumu and your hand was a personal fucktoy for osamu. if at any time your hand were to falter, your tits would receive a slap from osamu. “don’t ya dare fucking stop. don’t ya know yer place yet?”

beyond your hazed trance, you were able to make out atsumu muffled voice, “i would hold onto something if i were ya, love.” it did not really strike you to take his words seriously because your walls were fluttering in need for his cock to be abusing your cervix. you were hungry to have his hold bruise your hips as he rams his groin against yours, heavy balls slapping the plush of your ass.

that was when you yelped as you felt a thick protrusion at your tight hole between your cheeks. you gasped, legs thrashing at atsumu’s shoulders. osamu scoffed as his hand escaped your tits to grip your jaw to force you to look at his brother. “look at ‘im, he is preparing your ass for my cock. that was what my little cockwhore wanted, right? fucking whining and begging for my cock.”

satisfaction swelled in osamu’s chest when he watched you nod pathetically, faced flushed at the thought of your fantasy to have both of your holes stuffed with their cocks. and just like any good cockwhore that is obedient to their masters, you played with your clit to keep your pussy wet and warm for atsumu.

SWEATS likes, thirsts and reblogs are always appreciated wink wonk

[nextinline-if]

That “true love kiss” question 😭 I wanted to be a good, angst-free person but… what if someone else kissed the MC and they woke up (it’s even better if it’s someone the ROs hate because ✨TENSION✨) AND WHAT IF the MC didn’t want to be with that person because they loved the RO and wanted to continue a relationship with them regardless if they are “fated” or not.

Have a nice day 🫶

apologies for how long this has taken! I don't know why but this one was just a bit harder for me to write. guess I just haven't been in a good mindset to write. I hope you have a nice day, yourself, anon! not must angst below though, sorry about that.

PLUS I had to re-write Margaret's from memory cause I fucked up and close my browser without saving and I have the memory of a dementia patient fml but I couldn't remember most of it ughhh sorry for the ramble ahaha! I just don't want to write something that is disappointing to you :(

I can't think of someone the ROs hate right now, but let's say it's an important noble at court who is very well known and hated by many!

You're awake. You let out a relieved breath as you open your eyes. But the eyes staring back are not of the person you love. They belong to a noble who lives at the court. And they're smiling at you. "It seems we're fated, my dear."

But how can this be? No, you refuse to believe in this. This is not the person you want. You look away and your gaze meets...

F: ...green eyes. Green eyes full of heartbreak. F looks like they could cry right now and they look away from you. How can they look at you when it seems they were wrong? When the gods have fated your love for another? They were such an idiot for believing this relationship might work.

You follow F out of the room and gently grab their arm to stop them. But they won't look at you, eyes focused solely on the ground. You put your fingers under their chin, turning them to look at you. "I know you think fate puts people together, but I don't care about any of that. I care about you. I love you."

Their green eyes soften as they study your face. "I love you, too. But -"

You put a finger to their lips. "There is no 'but'. Forget about them. It's just you and me. It's always just you and me."

F pulls you close and hugs you. "Okay. Just you and me," they whisper.

Constantine: ...blue eyes. Blue eyes that have a hardness that you've never seen. Constantine turns his attention back to your "savior" and you shiver from the intensity of the glare. The noble turns to Constantine. "Is there a problem?"

Constantine's jaw clenches. "You're my problem."

The noble snorts. "Is that jealousy I detect?"

Constantine takes a step forward. "You're not good enough for MC."

"And you are?" they ask, meeting Constantine in the middle of the room.

You rush over, putting your hand on Constantine's chest. He glances over at you, his eyes softer and full of concern. "Let's go," you plead.

Constantine's eyes flick back to the noble. "Are you sure, my love? I was hoping to teach this prick a lesson."

You tug on his hand. He sighs and follows you to the door, throwing a disgusted look over his shoulder at the noble. How could the gods do this? How could they be so cruel? Constantine seethes at the thought of you with that person.

Constantine frowns at you when you both come to a stop. "That was true love's kiss."

"I don't care about some curse," you insist. "Besides, you're my true love."

He stares far away from you before clearing his throat. "How can you be sure?"

You wrap your arms around his neck and place a kiss on his lips. Neither of you pulls away for a few minutes. "Because no one else could compare to the way your kiss feels on my lips."

Margaret: ...brown eyes. And those eyes watch you carefully, as her face betrays no emotions. But you know that she's thinking of dozens of ways to dig her daggers into the noble because her fingers twitch.

"Margaret," you say carefully.

She chuckles. "Relax, darling." You stare at each other for a moment, until it's interrupted by coughing.

You both turn to look at them. They narrow their eyes at you. "You should be paying attention to me," they say, giving Margaret a disgusted look. "Not some wannabe lady."

Before you can defend her, Margaret is pushing the asshole against the wall, a dagger to their throat. "Want me to show you how much of a lady I am?" She drags the tip of the dagger across their neck. They close their eyes tight.

You sigh. "Margaret, please, I can punish them properly for their ignorance later."

She huffs and steps back. "Fine. Whatever. I don't believe in this dumb true love crap anyway."

You quickly follow her as she darts out of the room. "Slow down, will you?" She comes to a stop and gives you a tired look.

"Why don't you spend time with your one true love? They seem quite eager." She crosses her arms.

"I'm already doing that," you say as you step closer to her. Her brown eyes find yours and she feels like she can't hear anything over the beating of her heart. Do you mean that? But the look in your eyes tells her everything she needs to know and she pulls you close, placing a kiss on your cheek.

Felix: ...hazel eyes. And you see an emotion you have never seen in his eyes. Fear.

Because Felix can't stop thinking about how curses aren't real but his kiss didn't wake you, theirs did. His eyes dart down to your lips. What would he feel if he kissed you right now? Disappointment? Perhaps the agony of the last time?

His face hardens as he turns and pushes past the noble. He's torn between not standing in the way of "the one" you were meant for or fighting them. He's not much of a violent person.

But he could be. He stops in his tracks. Wondering whether he should walk back into that door. Then he shakes his head. That would probably just disappoint you and there's been enough of that tonight.

You grab his arm before he can continue walking down the hall. He lets out a sigh. "Let it go, MC," he says. Then he turns to look into your eyes. "Let me go."

You run your thumb across his cheek. "I could never let you go."

"Are you sure?" He place his hand gently on your back.

You nod. "Yes, I am. So, what now?"

He steps away. "You wait here. I just need to punch someone real fast." Felix winks at you as he darts back into the room.

[outlustings]

I saw an anon mention that they've only seen one Billy Hope piece and I would like to make it TWO so I present you my hopeful request: Reader is one of the people who preform maintenance on the engine Billy is held so they know how it works and shit, im using that one request before this to say he visits their dreams while they sleep and basically shows them how he sees them(nasty thoughts included, of course), reader gets him out(or not, up to you), and then sexy nanite(or whatever it is) time

(lmao this is long and bad. genuinely can't write anything but graphic, fucky wucky, hardcore porn anymore. fml.

tried to make it gender neutral. content warning for smut that includes the walrider because uhm yes. just overall graphic nsfw but also fluff things and idk idk dikkdkdks. kind of gore mentions also? not really but you know me and my edgy dream imagery things. gross stuff. also. the walrider is a functional waterproof vibrator now i guess. that's. what we're going with now. yeah.

sorry this took so long, it's been what like several months since you requested this. oops.)

×

You hated looking at him. All that pale, distended skin, webs of maroon veins bursting underneath it, dark red tubes against what little colour was left in his cheeks. Those unblinking eyes, blue, bulging out, staring into nothing and everything at the same time, never reacting to your movement. Just the screen. It all looked so painful and there was nothing you could do about it. You hated looking at the worst mistake on this side of the planet - but you said nothing. Nodding absentmindedly to him before getting to work on the pod. Your supervisors always thought you were odd.

"Bedside manners," you had mumbled, flicking specks of metallic dust off of your plastic blue coveralls before shoving your hand into your toolbox.

"He can't hear you, you know that, right?"

You could hear the smirk behind that stupid mask.

"Yeah," you shrugged and unscrewed the lid of the heavy-duty industrial lubricant, slathering it onto the joints right beneath the bottom of the sphere, trying not to look at how Hope's toes wiggled - in a perverse way, you thought, maybe your administrations felt ticklish - but it was just metal, "But you know... I just - yeah."

You felt stupid.

You shrugged again. Your head hurt. It was the fifth time that week you had to work on these switches. Stiff as all hell.

"Stiff as all hell," you said.

Conversation.

"Uh-huh," the doctor nodded.

You nodded back. Tried to ignore the gurgling coming from the pod. You tried not to look at Hope.

                                       ×

You saw him a lot. Way too much for it to be healthy - fuck, the poor man looked like he was one good sneeze away from cardiac arrest. They kept him wired into the engine constantly. All the time, hooked up into thousands of sensors, just floating there in a mixture of life support fluid and his shedding skin cells, dancing in the pool water-like sludge. You wondered if he felt anything.

You dug your screwdriver into a small panel underneath the console, wiggling it against the tiny screws, your sweaty back digging into the metal floor, one rogue electric cord underneath your bum, making you shift your hips in discomfort. You were always doing the dirty work, always on your knees on the floor or on your back, bent in some awkward position as you tried to reach into the innards of some fancy German-made part of this machine of wonders.

Well, at least I'm not being bent in Blaire's office, that's for sure. Things could always be worse.

You heard a bubbling, garbled noise that made the wires emit a small purple spark right in front of your eyes. You jolted, hitting your head on the underside of the console, the crash making you whimper as your nose was filled with the fishy scent of an electrical fire. You gagged, rubbing your forehead and crawled from beneath the console as you heard bootsteps.

"I'm okay!" you sighed, trying to rise up to your kneed but the doctors scurried past you without as much as one look.

Oh.

You flicked your eyes to the sphere, watched as large bubbles billowed around Hope's sharp nose, rising to the top of the sphere before dissolving into smaller ones, skittering across the glass. You couldn't help but stare. The sound. But it was too loud, it couldn't have been him. It was inside your head.

"Hope's doing something, someone get this in the log - dammit, where's Andrew?"

"Diaphragm contractions by the looks of it. Is he speaking?"

"He better not be speaking. If that happens, we need -..."

You rose up from the floor.

"You," someone called out, pointing at you, snapping their fingers - the rubber gloves made it sound more like the crack of a very small whip, "What were you doing?"

"Repairs," you crossed your arms.

"He's laughing," someone gasped.

"No the fuck he's not. Someone go check the fluid valve, now."

"He laughed."

"What'd you do?"

The question was directed at you. You tore your eyes off of Hope, off of the black pinpoints of his pupils.

"Uhh," you cleared your throat, "I banged my head?"

It felt like such a natural answer.

"You banged your head?" you saw the doctor cock an eyebrow, the skin around his goggles stretching ever so slightly.

You heard someone grunt: "Oh, fuck me."

But he had laughed. Before - no. Maybe, just maybe, you had imagined it. Hope was not inside your mind. He couldn't be. But he had indeed laughed.

                                        ×

Hope shifted his bare feet, his eyes still firmly on the wavy floor.

"I didn't mean to startle you," he muttered, his lips moving stiffly as your vision swam as you could feel your light snores rattling the back of your throat. You were afraid you were going to choke on your breath and wake up. You shook your head.

"Why are you here?" your voice sounded distant, too distant. Even his breathing was louder in your ears than your own voice, and you hated it, hated how he engulfed your senses with the pungent scent of antiseptic spray and latex gloves, the buzzing in your bones, like a thousand or a million dentist's drills grinding you down bit by bit.

Hope shrugged.

"I don't know," his lips twitched into a smile that quickly faded away. You blinked at him.

"But - how? I thought that - whatever. You shouldn't do this. I'm going to have to report this."

Your sound was mechanical, devoid of the whirlpools of emotion in your chest.

"Maybe - maybe don't do that," Hope gritted his teeth, let out a bitter laugh as he wrung his hands together. You watched the tendons in his forearm flex and relax. He was so skinny.

"I have to," you didn't even look at him. Empty threats. How would you even begin that conversation?

"Yeah, how would you?" he moved closer to you, his hand on your shoulder, cupping the roundness of the joint, his thumb massaging your skin.

"You heard that," you grunted. Not a question.

"Yeah. I hear a lot of things. Your thoughts, I guess. Your head is a mess."

"Really?" you looked up at him, feeling weightless as you watched the shuddering glint in his eyes, "I haven't had any complaints yet."

He grinned. You traced the hollow of his cheek with your index finger. His skin was cold, wet.

"Hope," you clicked your tongue, smirking, as the inky blackness swirling beneath your feet rose up your ankles, wrenching you down into a swamp as you heard the distant beeps of your alarm, watched his face staring down at you as you sank, down, down, your eyes half-open.

"Billy."

"Sorry - Billy."

                                        ×

It became a routine. It was almost tiring, having dreams of Billy Hope. You reported your dreams to a superior, got a pamphlet handed to you and that was it - you never called any of the numbers on the faded printing, you didn't feel like you needed to. Every night you went to sleep, you saw Billy, and it brought some excitement to your monotonous routine.

His skin was smooth, not as rough as you remembered it being at work. You thought it was funny.

You sat on the edge of a tub in a room full of tubs. Something was oddly familiar about it. Everything about Billy was oddly familiar.

"So, uh, how's - how's everything?" you swung your feet back and forth in the tub, the ripples of bloody water lapping against the old porcelain, "The doctors said that you were like restless or something."

Billy quirked a brow and absentmindedly, he prodded at his rubber duck, watching it dance on top the ripples you had caused.

"I mean," he shrugged, shifting his knees on the floor, watching the duck's head bob up and down, "I'm always restless."

"But I've been busy with maintenance. You keep short circuiting the thing," you lifted your toe up from the water, wiggling it at the duck as it bumped against it, disgusting neon yellow against drab, rusty blood.

"Oh really?" Billy sighed, pressing his cheek against the rim of the tub, dipping his arm into the water.

"I think -..." you paused, "I think it's because you want to see me more often."

"Oh, yeah?" he eyed the water with a grin, scoffing, "Right, right, okay."

You swallowed.

"But it's true," you smiled, poking his arm with your toe, "I'm your friend."

"I see lots of doctors when I sleep."

"I'm not a doctor."

"You're not special either."

You frowned.

"That's mean," you mumbled.

Billy craned his neck up, flashing you a smirk before picking up his duck and pushing it towards you. A silent olive branch.

"But you're cool," he relented, grinning at your pout, "I'll give you that."

"You like me," you fired back, crossing your arms, swirling your leg around in the blood, "And I'm going to kick you if you try to claim otherwise."

Billy laughed, throwing his head back, his shoulders heaving as his laughter made your face split slowly into a grin.

"Go ahead, sweetheart," his drawl made your stomach jolt as he called you that, "But I'll have to retaliate."

You leaned towards him, bracing your elbows on your knees as you wiggled your toes in the warm blood, the duck floating between your calves, bobbing up and down as Billy's fingers brushed against your leg.

Everything tasted of copper when he leaned up to peck your lips.

                                        ×

You felt awful, fiddling around with the wires by day and spending romantic nights with a mirage of him. You hated how you had to see him get tortured every day, yet, when you came home and downed your sleeping pills so that you'd be knocked out as soon as possible, he was always happy to see you. You sometimes forgto he was the man in the engine, yet, his eyes - you always knew by his eyes. He was Billy Hope, and you spent your nights with Billy Hope.

Week after week. Seaside kisses that tasted of the ocean, then the dingy corners of Mount Massive again. Wilted roses that had greedy, open mouths, like lamprey eels, and a chaste peck to your cheek from him. Hours upon hours of conversation, playful shoves to his shoulder, then going to work and seeing his progress charts go downhill, the antsy supervisors snapping at you to hurry up with the rewiring already. You hated the day, but always looked forward to the night. Billy always took you somewhere, and the thing inside him, inside you, around you - wherever it was, purred and thrummed, buzzing through you.

When he kissed you in your dreams you felt free. Hot, wet, sweaty, but free. He tasted of nothing and everything. You guessed you were munching on your sheets, perhaps, but he tasted like home. The way he grinned after he had kissed you, the way his teeth glistened with your combined saliva - it was gross, but you loved every second of it. Everything inside you felt warm and lovely, the static that caused you headaches when you were awake had turned into a pleasant thrumming in your abdomen as Billy walked you down the streets of a malformed Paris. You couldn't even recognise your laugh inside the dreams, but it didn't matter. None of it mattered as he pushed you down onto the oddly soft and mushy cobblestones, yanking your pants down as you giggled softly.

You felt his tongue inside you, brushing against your sensitive flesh as your fingers intertwined, his thumb rubbing the back of your hand tenderly as you bucked up against his mouth, moaning.

The Walrider purred inside you as Billy lapped at your flesh, dipping inside you with the stiff tip of his tongue, his eyes gleaming up at you from behind your heaving chest as you ground against him faster, faster, grinning at the way he called your name as he devoured you, and your hand flew to your sex, stroking, stroking as Billy stood up and entered you in one swift thrust, his cock throbbing inside of you, buried to the hilt, and the air dried up around you and somewhere, an alarm beeped as you rocked your hips against his, watched his face twisting into an expression of pleasure as he gripped your hips, driving into you. An alarm beeped somewhere as your jaw fell slack against your chest, a hungry grin spreading on your face as you felt his cock slide in and out, your bodies twisting and floating in a vacuum as he fucked you, and somewhere, Billy's moans melted into a furious, mechanical noise as he came inside you, and the alarm beeped and beeped.

Your entire body jolted in your sweaty sheets as you woke up, your eyes shooting wide open as you heard a hoarse squeak spill from your chapped lips, your dry tongue sticking to the roof of your mouth as you were suddenly awfully aware of the emptiness inside you. Your loins tingled with unresolved need and you clenched around air, legs spread, your body heavy as you stared at your ceiling, tracing the little patterns of the stucco with your stinging eyes.

"Fuck," you muttered, craning your head to the side, slapping your hand on your beeping cellphone, switching the screen on, narrowing your eyes at the bluish light - 5:30AM.

"Fuck," you repeated, your hand moving to the apex of your thighs, pressing against your arousal through the tacky pool of sweat on your underwear. You screwed your eyes shut, battled between your fatigue and your throbbing need, trying to shoo away images of Billy, of his lips against your neck, his cock inside you - no, you had to sleep. You bit your lip, slipped your hand past your waistband, your head buzzing as your hips rolled against your palm, electrified air dancing all around you as you sighed, and guided your thoughts back to Billy, your brain thrumming with the dull vibrations that always accompanied your dreams these days.

You came three times before you heard your back-up alarm ring, the sound slicing through the fog in your head.

Another September morning, and all you could smell was the blood in the back of your throat and your cum on your fingers.

                                       ×

You sniffled up another clot of blood from your broken nose, running through the hallways of pillowy, white rock, your work boots slipping on blood as you jumped over what used to be your coworkers. Panic made your lungs feel like two tiny balloons about to pop, all you could taste was blood and plastic and electricity and copper and blood - but you had to get to Billy.

You made a sharp turn, skidding on the wet floor, bumping into the concrete of the wall, but you didn't dare stop. You had to get to Billy before Murk Tactical.

                                       ×

A few overrides of some security systems and the pressing of a button was all it took. You watched as the liquid slowly drained around his twisting body, how the sphere lowered itself onto the ground as the engine sequence screen flashed an error message. The hinges of the sphere popped, and you reached in, swallowing back your sobs.

You hooked your arms underneath his, fighting against the resistance of the lukewarm liquid, dragging Billy out of the sphere by his armpits. Your boots slipped and skidded against the plastic as salty, stinging liquid crashed in waves against your face as Billy thrashed in your grip.

"I've got you, I've got you," you gasped, pulling him from the liquid, his arms seizing against the tubes that hung loose in the sphere, tangled around his limbs like seaweed as you heaved and pulled with all your might, finally hearing Billy cough and spit as you lost your balance, fell onto the grates below you with a harsh thump with Billy's narrow frame atop yours. You panted, trying to pat Billy's exposed, clammy skin as you scrambled to your feet, muttering feverishly as you watched his chest heave with every rattling breath he took, his lungs expanding for the first time in days. You turned him on his side, your heart racing inside your chest as you wiped at your face, blood and life support fluid dripping from the tip of your nose and onto his pale skin.

"Billy?" you choked out, cradling his face in your hands, watched how his face twisted into a grimace as he sputtered the remaining liquids out of his throat, "Billy, can you hear me?"

He hacked and cleared his throat, letting out a small squeak as he opened his eyes, wide and terrified as he shivered on the floor, watching up at you as you knelt beside him with his face in your hands.

"What the fuck - why did you take me out?" his voice was raspy, harsh, gravelly. Not at all like the voice you were used to, the voice inside your head. You gulped.

"We have to go," you took him by the shoulders, slowly lifting his torso up off the floor, "Can you walk?"

"Why did you take me out of there?"

You shook your head.

"Not now, let's go."

You stood up on shaky legs and pulled him up with you, your hand slipping on the moisture of his skin.

"Can you walk?" you repeated, at a loss for words, turning your eyes away as the intensity of his gaze racked through you. It was almost accusatory, the look in his eyes.

"You shouldn't have done that, love," he muttered, "This place will be goin' to shit if I go. I need to -..."

"Billy, please," you begged, swiping at your stray hairs in frustration, tugging at his arm, your eyes skimming over his form. The blinking lights of the machine reflected off him, the droplets running down his chest to his navel glimmering with trembling reds and greens, "I bought us some time but they'll come and - please, let's get out of here."

You nudged him to follow you and he started walking behind you, with you pulling him forward by the arm as you whipped your head around and around to look for an exit, careful not to make eye contact with him.

"Let's go," you mumbled, "Are you - are you cold?"

You felt stupid for asking.

"A lil'," he grunted, "Stop. Stay. We need to talk."

"Right now?" you groaned in frustration, tugging at his wrists, but he dug his heels into the floor, stubbornly.

"You took me out of there."

"Because I don't want you to die, god, is it really - Billy, let's just go and you can - you can - sue me or whatever -..."

"Sue you? Wait, what?"

"...- you want, because right now, we need to get out of here," you gritted your teeth, eyes still fixed on the metal stairs, silently begging for him to follow you with a tender squeeze to his wrist, but he didn't budge.

"I just want you to say why."

"We need to go, we can't stay here!"

"No, tell me."

"Please, Billy, I -..."

"I know you need me."

You stopped dead in your tracks, turning around to face him, your cheeks burning.

"What?" you blurted out. A little too quickly for it to sting.

He stepped closer to you, his body mere inches from yours. This time, you couldn't turn away, couldn't look away. All you saw was the intense blue of his eyes, the nervousness glinting in them that betrayed his confident stance, his chest pressed against yours.

"You need me just as much as I need you," he said. Not hesitantly, not carefully or with a prodding edge, just as if it was a fact. And it was. You hated that he knew it all, you hated this connection.

"I know," you swallowed, "I just... How? How are you in my dreams? I saw you every night - I guess..."

"The dreams," he mumbled, "I saw you. And we... God, I've waited for you. For so long."

"You saw them too? You - you were really there? I'd hoped Wernicke was - was wrong about... All of the - uh," you gestured broadly, your lips a thin line. Your throat felt dry, arid, as you looked up into his eyes, biting the inside of your cheek as shame flushed over you, "I'm sorry - god, I... Uh... You saw everything, huh?"

Billy chuckled.

"No need to apologize, love," he smiled, "I liked them. I liked seeing you. And I know you, uh - were more than happy to see me as well, weren't you?"

He lowered his voice as his lips neared yours. You could barely breathe, but you desperately wanted to gulp in his scent, drink in his musk as his breath tickled your lips.

"I really liked them," you muttered, "The dreams."

"I could always taste your cum on my lips when I woke up," he whispered.

You moved your head closer to his, felt his lips on yours, and kissed him deeply, your hands flying to his shoulders as you poured your heart out into the heat of his mouth, a cathartic buzz running through you as you tasted him.

His teeth grazed against your bottom lip, his tongue on yours, rubbing greedily against your heat as he devoured your lips, his thin fingers stroking your cheeks. You felt the muscles of his face against you, felt the furrowing of his brow as he kissed you desperately, again, and again, not breaking the seal between the two of you. And you let him. You were too deep in his scent, you tasted nothing but him, his flesh, his need as you clawed at his shoulders. Your chest ached with tenderness as you pulled back with a disgusting smack slipping from your mouth. You craned your head back, gave Billy a slight grin, watched how his icy eyes fluttered open. You could count all of his lashes, dark and thick, all of his premature wrinkles as he sniffled, his lips parted as he dove into you again.

You chuckled against his lips as he bent you backwards, your back arching as he pressed into you, the liquid on his skin seeping into your clothes as the vibrations in the air made you feel dizzy - you just clung onto Billy, clung onto whatever held you and him together, suspended in the cool air of the engine chamber.

"Billy," you gasped as he nipped at your lip, "Billy, we gotta go."

He hummed. Flicked his tongue over yours, pressing his chest flush against yours. Sighed. Hot. Heaving.

"Billy?" you felt him pepper kisses on your jaw as you tried to pull away from him, "Billy, I don't - we should go."

"No."

You felt something unspeakable in the room. Frustration. Something. It made your skin crawl.

"N-no?" you squeaked as you felt Billy's palms run down your waist, then to your hips, moving down - and there, he cupped and groped at your ass through your pants, and you gasped again, tossing a quick glance behind you, watching for a millisecond as he kneaded your asscheeks, as if to make sure it was really happening. You swallowed thickly, turning back to Billy, just in time to watch his head dip against your chest, his tongue on your throat as he sucked at the tender flesh, making you moan involuntarily.

"Billy, fuck," you shook your head, yet your hands remained on his shoulders, not trying to pry him away, but pulling him closer as he laved his tongue over your exposed collarbone, his hands making quick work of your buttons, his hips grinding against your thigh as you walked backwards, your butt bumping against a table, "Billy - we have to go."

"I need you. I - you have no idea - I can't even..." his breath was hot on your skin, his hands on your tender flesh as he humped against you like an animal in heat, desperation swirling in the air around you as you tried to understand, tried to fight off reason and the urge to run to the nearest exit with or without him, "I can't even - touch myself... I seen you... And I can't..."

He grunted.

You licked your lips.

"Billy..."

You yelped as he pressed you against the console, papers scattering and slicing through the air, pens clattering to the floor as he shoved you down, pressing your chest against the table with one spidery hand. His fingers curled against your flesh, you could feel the heat of his skin against yours, even through your clothes. You gasped, trying to wriggle free of his grip, feeling his hips against the curve of your ass as he bent you down, moving against you with small grunts as you tried to lift yourself up.

Fuck - not now.

"Billy..." you gasped, feeling his soft hands caress you roughly from your hips all the way to your neck, where he buried his fingers into your hair, digging them into your scalp as he ground against you, "Billy - not - not here - not now, we have to -..."

You whined as you felt his stiff cock press against your ass, felt his heated desperation through his boxers.

"I need you," he rasped, pushing you down, with one splayed palm on the small of your back as he thrusted against you, shallow little ruts of his narrow hips against your butt. You gripped the table beneath you, biting your lip as you heard him groan, low and throaty as he slid his hands on your hips, guided them towards his erection in slow, smooth circles.

"Fu-uck, Billy -..." you tried to swallow down your moans, "We have to get out before - before..."

Your brain was filled with the thrum of the machines around you, beeps and whirring sounds mingling with the steady rushing of your own blood in your brain, but through it all, you heard and felt the pleasant buzz that had engulfed your head in so many of your dreams. The Walrider. It spoke to you. It spoke to you while Billy ground his hips against yours, his stiff cock resting against your backside as the thing inside him spoke to you.

Relax. You're safe.

You squeezed your eyes shut, felt the static inside your lungs, making you choke on your breath and groan loudly as you felt Billy yank your pants down behind you, his cold hands kneading your asscheeks, little breathy mumbles falling from his chapped lips.

"I know," you moaned to whomever would listen, "I know, but -..."

"Relax," Billy shushed you hoarsely, bending down to place a tender kiss to the nape of your neck - the wetness of his skin made you shudder as he touched your burning skin. You didn't even realise how aroused you were until now.

"I've been waiting for so long... Fuck..." he hissed, giving your ass a gentle squeeze, "My lil' butterfly. My everything."

You let out a shaky laugh as he slipped his hand between your legs, touching your needy flesh in soft strokes, the warmth of your rushing blood radiating into his hand, making him as warm as you, bringing him to life, little by little as he rubbed you, your throbbing flesh twitching in his grasp. You moaned, slamming your hands against the consoles, uncaring of the hollow error sounds they emitted - you didn't care. You couldn't. Not with him between your legs.

So sweet for us all. Such soft, warm flesh.

"Oh, Billy," you choked out, hissing as you felt the warm, wet tip of his cock brush against your skin as he pulled it out from his boxers, his other hand still on your sex as he stroked himself, the slick little sounds making you dizzy, the buzzing inside you growing almost unbearable, "Fuck - Billy..."

You gritted your teeth together, trying to hold back tears of overwhelming emotion. You felt complete, being so near to him. Yet so numb and empty. Everything was so wrong.

Don't cry. Don't cry.

You shook your head.

"Don't," Billy murmured softly, "Hey, listen -..."

His long, thin fingers on your waist, lifting you up and spinning you around so that you faced him as you sniffled.

"No, I'm fine," you hiccuped, embarassment and lust dripping inside your gut in white hot splats, all against the buzzing, the static, "I'm fine."

"Com'ere."

He scooted your bare butt up onto the desk, lifted you as if you weighed nothing, pressed his forehead against yours as he closed you in a gentle embrace.

"It's fine," he cooed, "Don't be scared."

"I'm not scared," you shook your head, feeling stupid, "I just - I..."

You didn't even know.

You want this, don't you? We can taste it in the air.

You let out a soft gasp as you felt wisps of buzzing clouds against your skin, black mist that felt sharp yet silky at the same time, whirring around Billy's arms, then spilling down your back in cooling cascades as he embraced you.

"D'you want it...?" he whispered in your ear.

You wiped at your eyes, feeling the mist slither around your legs, nudging them to rest on Billy's hips, allowing him access as his cock throbbed against your stomach.

Now. We've been waiting for so long.

"Yeah," you chuckled, feeling Billy's lips against the bridge of your nose as the cloud of static around you dove between your legs, hungrily, even before you'd finished your words - they knew. Billy always knew, but he was courteous enough to ask.

"I can't hear ya," he muttered, pressing his chapped lips against your neck, his tongue flitting out to taste your sweat as you moaned, clung to the rippling muscles of his back, pulling him closer to your lust.

You could feel the sharp curve of his grin against your skin, the wetness of his teeth as the sharp edges grazed against you. The swarm slithered between the two of you, caressing, buzzing against the throbbing need inside your skin, touching and toying with your liquid heat, tugging your trousers to your ankles like a warm breeze - fuck, it was all too much - and you whimpered as you felt Billy sink his teeth into you as you felt the hot, leaking tip of his cock rest against your abdomen, throbbing, and you were gone.

"Fuck me," you whined, "God, Billy, fuck me. Please."

With a boyish grin and a tender kiss to your neck, he moved his head back, his hips forward.

"You see what you do to me?" he grunted, his hands on your cheeks, squishing your face as he ground his hard cock against you, "Fuck, so perfect for me. S'good."

You moaned as you felt the thrum of the Walrider against your sex, the little particles whirring against your skin as they rushed to feed on your fluids, nipping, devouring you and you squeezed your eyes shut.

"Billy, please, oh please, please..."

"Put it in," he kissed your lips, a soft, quick peck, rubbing circles on your flushed cheeks with his thumbs, "Your hand. Need it."

You spread your legs further, jolts of pleasure washing over your abdomen in slow, rattling waves as you reached down, wrapped your hands around his slender length, gave it a few pumps, feeling how his hot breath matched the warm liquid that spilled onto your fingers, so slick, so hot, all for you. You braced yourself against it, feeling the blunt tip against your entrance.

"Wait," you stammered, "I need to -..."

You gave a slight smile to him before craning your head forward, swirling saliva on your tongue before letting a pearly string drop onto the tip of his cock, massaging your lube onto him. His fingernails dug into your cheeks as he moaned, low and guttural. Like a growl. You felt the Walrider against you, buzzing aggressively, purring against you as you stroked Billy's dick, spreading your spittle on him before guiding him down to your entrance again, rubbing it up and down, up and down until Billy was breathing harder than ever.

"Christ, you're so hot - what the fuck?" he chuckled, pressing his forehead against you. The swarm jutted against you, pressing against your thigh, like a second, needy appendage, misty and flowy but awfully solid.

"Ready?" you sighed.

He nodded, his perspiring forehead sliding against yours as he began pushing inside. Slowly. Very slowly, stretching you, and as he speared into you, sheathing his cock into you fully, his blunt tip making you squeal as it went deep, too deep, you thought you heard something like a low, growling breath inside and all around you. Tendrils of black smoke, swirling feverishly creeped up between your legs.

You inhaled deeply and looked up into Billy's eyes as he furrowed his brows, moaning at your tightness.

"Fuck - tight..."

"Start moving."

He snapped his hips back with a shuddering breath, before slamming his cock into you again. Deep and fast. Again. Again. Your butt slid on the table as you wrapped your arms around his neck, trying to grind against his thrusts as he fucked you quick and hard, and as you got lost in your own moans, the slimy sounds of him entering you, the whirring of the Walrider, you felt something inside you. Fuller. More. More, but it moved, intruded, pushed you further apart and thrummed with life. Billy groaned and you squeaked.

Inside. Need inside.

It went deeper than Billy. Swirling around his cock, buzzing inside you and you felt dizzy as it fucked you both, Billy's groans becoming higher in pitch as it squeezed his cock, stretched you further, demanded its own space inside you, but not displacing him, and you felt like you were going to split in two as it swelled inside you, thrumming and pistoning into your sweet spot, curving, probing, curious.

You swore as Billy thrusted in feverishly, his lips on yours, his teeth on your bottom lip as your back hit the wall behind you again and again with a bruising force, your legs dangling by his hips like those of a useless ragdoll as Billy fucked you. You felt something solid, strong grip your thighs, supporting you. It.

It tried to help.

You mewled into Billy's mouth as you twitched and clenched around him, your skin sweaty and slippery as you were about to cum as the Walrider tore you apart, begging for you to let it deeper.

"Billy, I'm going to -..." you gasped.

Do it. So tight.

Your legs shook.

Need to be inside. Such a good host.

You felt like your abdomen was swelling with every thrust, your insides throbbing as you danced on the precipice of cumming as the Walrider kept on vibrating inside you.

Could be inside you forever. Make you full, bursting with more of us.

"Can I - inside - please...?" Billy panted against you and you nodded, eyes squeezed shut as your legs went limp and the tight band inside you stretched and snapped and you came hard. Teetering on being an agonizingly tight squeeze around their cocks - you realized, hazily - your muscles clenched and seized around them as your abdomen burned with lovely buzzes of pleasure and wanton, throaty moans spilled from you, from Billy, from the air around you as you felt the electric, hot gush of cum inside you. Billy's narrow hips stilled and he pressed his face into your heaving chest as he shuddered and came with raspy whines, the Walrider milking you both until your vision went blurry and your whole body felt warm and numb and you could hear and feel obscene amounts of fluid hit the metal ridges on the floor, hollow little splats of pearlescent cum and Billy moaning in your ear. You tried to catch your breath, you really did. Everything felt so heavy. He slipped out of you with a weak groan, his glistening length soft and drained. But the Walrider remained, smoky little tendrils of tiny black particles inside your swollen flesh, soothing, massaging you gently through your aftershocks. You whimpered, feeling yourself clench around it in tight pulses - it wouldn't come out, not yet.

"Fuck," you whined, "Fuck, Billy," you swallowed, tasting your sweat on your upper lip before giving him a weak grin as he tucked himself back into his pants, grunting when your trembling knee brushed against the inside of his thigh.

The Walrider purred inside you. And you honestly didn't mind it. Not anymore. Not when Billy was there.

Make sure you're filled. Make sure you're well.

You heard faint gunshots from somewhere, miles above you, and sighed. Faint. Faint, like raindrops, you thought as Billy kissed your forehead, scooping you up from your seat and crushing you to his chest, your trembling body enveloped in static heat as the air around you whirred and buzzed as Billy pressed you to him. You hoped to god you'd survive.

[ink-on-the-brink]

Engie x Reader ~ Built Up Stress (Part 2)

Pt: 1

Summary: The stress of a normal day at Tuefort is already hard enough as it is. Lay a streak of lost battles, thrown blame, and a week ceasefire with no Medic on top and it's all down hill from there.

A/n: I was gonna post the next part for the Yandere dad series but the universe decided to hate me today and make all the fully edited parts disappear. I have no idea wtf happened, but they're gone. So I decided I might as well post the second part to this while I go back and re-edit them...fml

Ps: @doctorparma thought you might want to be notified when this next part came out, so here ^-^

(I was also gonna at optimisticbagelpaintermaker too but Tumblr would not let me ;-;)

You had had changed since that day. You got snappier, angrier. There was no safe place for you here anymore, no place where you could calm. It was all violence and blood and hatred everywhere you looked. The men never calmed, in fact they'd snapped as quickly as a twig in a Hurricane.

You knew they weren't always this bad, you knew these were just off days. That they'd calm and it'd be over soon. That you wouldn't have to worry about upsetting them as much when Medic came back.

At least that's what you repeated to yourself when you felt the urge to hit them upside the head for never leaving you the fuck alone.

You were growing to hate them all. You were growing to hate it here. You hated your job, you hated being stuck you hated their yelling and their fighting and the blood and you HATED THE FACT THAT YOU STILL HAD TO SEE HIM EVERY DAY-!...

You couldn't stand his face. The way he'd turn with the eyes of a kicked puppy as if you were the one that hurt him! You hated how entitled and arrogant and downright two-faced everyone was here! You-...

You'd thought that for once in a long time that...that you'd found someone. That-...

That your life was worth being a trainwreak if it meant having met him...

What were you supposed to do now?

Engie changed too. He rarely ever left his bedroom, a room he almost never visited before this incident. But the times that he was out he could be commonly caught staring at nothing.

He had been replaying the scenes of that day in his head over and over with each viewing sending him furthur into dispair. The worst part was that he had absolutely no clue why this hurt so bad. He had fought with the others plenty of times, hell he almost killed a few of them!...but just remembering the fear in your eyes when he yelled at you made him sick to his stomach. The thought of you caused many headaches and it-...

It hurt

It hurt to know that he was the one that caused this. It hurt to know that this was his fault.

He'd grown so used to solving problems like this for others. He'd practically memorized the routine that he had to walk the other men through when they fucked up and hurt someone. I mean how many times has he told others to just apologize and accept the consequences? How many times had he looked a broken man in the face and told them how some people need time, some people need space.

That sometimes sorry just isn't good enough...

But look at him now? Moping about, not taking your no for an answer. He couldn't take no for an answer. What kind of a man was he? Skipping out on his own advice when he knew that it was the best choice to listen to it. But just- he couldn't stand seeing you like this! Because of him! You were so cold now, so distant, so angry. He couldn't blame you, as much as his intrusive thoughts hated you for not accepting his apology-

No they- they didn't hate you, they couldn't have. No they hated him. He pushed it on you because he just couldn't bear seeing your eyes look at him with that façade of ignorance. How you'd stare at him like stranger! He hated it, he hated himself for it.

There was no one else to blame...

No matter how many times he apologized or in how many differnt ways he did you just ignored him. He never got past the first word before you'd walk away.

It was then that he truly knew how much he'd hurt you. What he'd done might have been an easy sorry for some other person, but with you it struck the worst cord.

All he could remember was the fear. How the familiarity in your eyes washed away, how you stared at him as if he were your worst nightmare!

He hurt you in the worst way. He'd hurt you in a place he didn't even relize was brusied.

And that bruise became an open wound, the contents of your hidden pain poured into the resentment you held on him, on all of them. You didn't want to forgive any of them. They all thought you were a coward, that you would just bend and twist for them like you normally would have. This time it wasn't going to happen. After all, they had done nothing but treat you like a doormat for the past couple of months and they only noticed now that you were refusing their apologies. Why would you accept their empty sorrys? If you did they would just go back to walking all over you like they normally did.

Like everyone you've ever met, like every place you've ever gone. You were never meant to be anything but a service others abused. Why would anyone treat you like a person when you let them do whatever they wanted with simple sorrys in return?

You were done. Done with the hollow aplogizes, done with doing everything just to keep others comfortable, no matter how much pain it put you through.

Most of all though? You were done letting people work their way into your heart. All they ever did was make it bleed.

-

When Medic finally came back he was confused for the first couple of days. The men were eerily quiet, Engie especially, and no one seemed to want to talk about it.

However Medic noticed the most change in you. The flicker of curiosity in your eyes when you watched some of his experiments had intensified and he definatly noticed how rough you had become with the others when they were hurt. You were cold now, ignoring their sounds of pain completely. You overworked yourself, fainting on numerous occasions and not eating nearly as much as you should. You always insisted that you were fine and that you wouldn't want to be a 'poor excuse for a nurse'.

Medic was never usually one to grow concerned for other people but he did for you. You were his assistant after all! You had helped him through a lot of tough times, mostly without your knowing and, dare he say it, he saw you as a trustworthy friend! He didn't want to see you suffering like this! So he decided he would go to the person he knew was closest to you: Engie. He knew that if anyone was going to help it would be him. So once you had busied yourself with cleaning the lab he took a silent leave towards the workshop. However he was surprised to not find his hard-hatted friend there. Hesitantly, and with growing worry, he made his way to Engies room, soon standing outside his bedroom door. Medic gave it three good knocks.

"Herr Engineer? I vish to speak viz jou" He heard what sounded almost like a snarl before a response.

"Whatya want doc?" Engies voice sounded tired and agitated, a tone the 'doctor' wasn't adverse to hearing from him, seeing as Medic often had to wake the man up from his sleep deprived comas. Though something about it felt stranger this time, maybe it was the fact that he didn't sound like he'd just woke up?

"I have seen a change in Y/n recently und I vas hoping jou could help me find out vhat's going on. Zey von't talk about it and neizer vill ze ozers. I'm concerned for zeir healz at zis point..." Medic explained the situation as best he could and was surprised to hear silence for a long while.

"...Eng-" the door opened and what Medic saw made him go a bit wide-eyed. Engie smelled of alcohol, his eyes looking like he'd been perpetually tipsy for days now. His shirt was stained and it looked like he hadn't shaved in a few days either. Come to think of it Engie had been keeping his head down for a while. Medic hadn't heard from the man nearly at all but he'd assumed it was because he'd taken up a new project! Not developed into...whatever this was. If Medic was being truly honest he looked terrible but he wasn't about to say that out lo-

"Mein gott jou look awful! vhat-" Medic stopped himself as he finally pieced the puzzle together.

He leaves for a week and the two people he thought would keep their heads the most end up being the two with the worst problem.

However he knew that you, or at least the normal you, wouldn't have been the one to start anything, especially with Engie. He felt his eyes narrow slightly at the thought of Engie betraying your trust

"Vhat did jou do?..." Medic spoke with an accusatory and pointed tone. Engie looked up to the 'doctor' but Medic was able to quickly notice that he was not himself.

He was a broken man.

"Somethin ah'm gonna regret for a long tahme..." Engies voice was almost inaudible, coming out as more of murmer than an attempt at talking. Medics expression softened and intensified at the same time. He was torn between trying to calmly address the situation because of Engies sincere regret and chopping him to pieces for admitting that he was the one who caused this. In the end he chose to restrain himself but made it clear he wasn't about to try and comfort him.

"Zen I vish to speak viz jou in a more private area..." Engie nodded and stepped aside so the doctor could enter the room. Medic took a few steps in and Engie closed the door behind him. Medic looked around and saw many empty beer bottles strewn across the room, empty plates stacked on eachother, many crumbled pieces of paper tossed into and next to a small trash bin and a bed that looked like it hadn't been made in days. As Medic took in the information around him he began to wonder if it was actually something you had done considering this was extremely depressing to look at, let alone live in. He turned back to Engie and was met with the glazed over eyes of his once most collected co-worker.

"I need to know vhat's going on" Medic requested an explanation from him and Engie, for the first time in nearly three weeks, addressed the situation. Though it was in a very roundabout way because he couldn't bare to admit what he'd done outright.

"Y'know how ah've been blamed for our lost battles for a whahle now?" Medic nodded.

"And y'know how ah don't usually get mad a lot? How ah just usually bottle it up and let it out in prahvate?" Medic nodded again as he recalled a time when he'd walked in on the machine maker stringing curses, kicking around loose peices of metal and using a hammer to destroy a newly built dispenser. It was a rather vivid memory, considering that once Engie had noticed someone had seen him he made him swear to not tell anyone else about it. Medic began to wonder where this was going.

"...y'know how Y/n likes ta come around my workshop sometimes?" Medic was beginning to see the picture.

"Ja, ja. Continue" Medic spoke with a rather cold tone, now even less convinced that whatever Engie had done was forgivable. Engie paused for a moment, as if replaying the day once again in his head. It was only after a repeat of Medics words that he was able to finally say it.

"Ah kinda snapped at 'em. They...um...ah called 'em a no good nurse and uh...well a coward. And it weren't no calm tellin off either. Ah was yellin rahght in their face, louder than Ah'd been in a long while. Ah was drunk and angry and- ah didn't even realize ah yelled at 'em 'til ah was done..." Medic went a bit wide-eyed, his thoughts immideatly going to the repeated times since he's been back that you'd called yourself a no good nurse.

Well, guess he knew why you'd started saying that...

As Medic though on Engies words he began to peice things together, his eye slightky twitching as he came to understand the severity of the situation

Medic was very aware of your extreme discomfort when being yelled at. It only took him one time getting that angry with you to relize how terrified it had made you. He hadn't even really been mad at you so much as he was upset with a mistake you happened to make. But the fear he'd seen stopped him in his tracks. It had been a look very few people ever relize the true meaning up in their lives. Medic, having previously been the person who'd stare with frozen fear, knew the look all too well. He could only begin to imagine how being yelled at by Engie of all people must have felt to you. You and Medic had only just started being co-workers when he'd yelled at you and even now you still got jumpy when he raised his voice. But for you to build trust with someone then for them to not only yell in your face, but insult and belittle you while doing it? Medic was furious.

"Jou did vhat" Medic spoke through gritted teeth. Quickly picking up on Medics anger Engie hid his face in his hands, too ashamed to even look the man in the eye.

"Ah didn't...Ah didn't mean to. Ah didn't even mean ta get mad with 'em! And Ah sure as hell didn't know it'd hurt 'em this bad! They're scared'a me doc! Scared! Of me! Ah ain't ever done nothin' lahke that before! Only people scared'a me are usually starin down a sentry or mah shotgun! Not lookin at me teary eyed and callin me sir!" Engie exploded, his eyes turning up to Medics mid speech with a look of confused fury on his face, though both of them knew that anger was only with himself. Medic continued to coldly eye him a moment before the tense hatred he felt melted away from him, leaving an almost understanding look on his face.

"Did jou apologize?" Medic was really hoping he had the guts to at least try.

"Ah tried! They told me ta go! Then Ah tried ten more tahmes and they just up and walked away when Ah started talkin! Ah haven't really talked to 'em since, ah'm pretty sure if ah did they would try and kill me- look Medic, ah made a really bad mistake, ah want ta make it better but ah just can't! They look at me lahke ah'm a stranger!...ah don't know how ta go about fixin this..." Engie finished with a tired, exasperated and desperate tone as he turned and sat on his bed, the feeling of the mattress not at all comforting anymore.

Medic knew how much the man had hurt you. He knew you had trusted Engie and that in a stupid, drunken, anger filled mistake the man had abused that trust. But dispite this he knew this needed to be fixed soon, for the betterment of the team and for the both of you. If you stayed down this path Medic knew you'd probably work yourself to death. And really, unless it's by creating a monstrosity unknown to man, a work related death would be a rather boring way to go.

-

You were in your bedroom which wasn't uncharacteristic for you anymore. However this time you weren't here of your own volition. You had made a promise to Medic that you'd at least try to listen to Engie. Or more so he forced you into your room and promised that if you let Engie talk to you then he'd get you off work for a week which, in a place like this and what you've been going through, you could really use. So you agreed. All you had to do was let him talk and once he was finished you could just tell him to leave. Easy enough.

Right?

I mean our walls had only been growing higher with each passing day. You didn't talk to anyone anymore, you didn't trust anyone anymore. You had always had trust issues, that's why you always kept yourself so tucked away. You didn't like growing too close to people and damn did the world just like to give you reasons why. But that would make it easier to ignore him at least.

You knew when you let someone close you give them too much power. Anything they say becomes truth, anything they do gets taken to heart, they become a backseat driver in your life, giving you thoughts about yourself and what you do.

And that only leads to heartbreak once they finally let out the truth...

So you pushed him away- you pushed everyone away! You refused to go through the pain of heartbreak again.

You had even thought he might have loved you back! That you weren't just caught in his charm but that your heart had grow a space for him because he wanted to be there!

Not anymore...

He...He looked at you strangely now. He always looked so tired, almost broken-

You shouldn't think about that...

But that still didn't stop that pang in your chests every time your eyes met, even though he had his goggles on. You had loved him at one point, you still wanted to love him! but his message just couldn't be more clear.

You should just leave him the hell alone...

Unknown to you, at this moment in time two men stood only a few feet from your door.

"Engineer I'm not going to ask again! Jou go in zere und jou fix zis!"

"What the hell am ah supposed ta do doc!? Ah've already tried ta apologize! They told me ta go! What else am ah supposed ta do!?"

"Look, I got zem to agree to talk to jou, do jou realize how much zat took? Zis is jour chance! So if jou don't knock on ze door zen I vill not hesitate to shove jou in zere!" Both Engie and Medic had a glare down for a moment before Engie inevitably gave in. He turned to your door and sucked up the last bits of his courage to get through this. Medic had dragged him out of his room so he didn't have time to grab his goggles or hardhat. He really wished he had those to cover his face now. He felt like he was going to have a breakdown!

With great hesitance he lifted his hand to knock on your door. The moment he did Medic left, giving him a nod as if to say 'good luck'

"What" your voice replied coldly from the other side of the door. He didn't speak for a moment as he tried to collect himself. He took another deep breath before responding.

"It's uh...it's me...Ah just wanna talk to ya a moment" He tried his best to choose his words as carefully as he could. You felt a slight pang in your chest once again, his voice alone made you want to just melt- no! You- you wouldn't fall for it again! This man, he was nothing but a- a- a liar! He made you think he cared! You just had to remember that.

You had to remember that he didn't care about you.

You hesitantly approached the door with caution in each step. You felt your throat tighten as you turned the door handle.

The moment you opened the door you regretted it...

He stared at you with those recently clouded emerald eyes that weren't hidden under his goggles anymore. You looked away the moment you saw them, pained by the memories they brought. Private memories of just the two of you being in the workshop, when he'd get comfortable enough to take them off. You were pretty sure no one else had ever seen him with them off, hell most of the times he slept with them on! But here he stood, having brought himself to your door with not only missing goggles, but no hardhat.

He would always hold the hardhat when hhe got nervous to hide his twitchy hands. He found it rather embarrassing the first time you'd pointed that out to him, but that never stopped him from doing it. Your eyes glanced to his hands before you even thought about it. You weren't surprised to see them messing with eachother, as if to mimic the feeling of the hat he would usually hold in situations as tense as this.

There wasn't a single movement for a moment and the silence was suffocating. But, after a few seconds of this painful silence, you stepped aside, the action making Engie to go a little wide-eyed.

He didn't think you were even going to open the door, let alone invite him in. But, not wanting to waste the opportunity, he stepped in, unsure whether or not this was a good idea.

Each step echoed around the eerily silent room as if the build up to what was to come. Once he was inside you slowly shut the door behind you, the click signifying no escape for either of you anymore. You both suddenly grew very aware of one thing.

This was either where everything gets fixed...

Or it's the breaking point...

Each word spoken must be chosen with extreme caution, each movement made with overthought care. The simplest wrong move could ruin everything.

You stood at the door, your body faced toward him but your head turned away. You weren't able to even do him the simple courtesy of looking in his general direction.

He stood in the middle of the room and could look nowhere but directly at you.

"Y/n..." He broke the thick fog of silence with your name. It earned only some of your attention

"Ah'm...Ah'm so sorry...Ah didn't mean for it to be-...lahke this..." You silently winced at his words but your cold look held strong. With folded arms you responded.

"Be like what sir...we're doing our jobs just fine..." You replied with a monotonous tone. His fists clenched slightly at the world sir, it buried into him.

"You know what ah'm talkin about..." He spoke through slightly gritted teeth, hating the new title you had given him. But any anger soon passed. He didn't want to let his anger pull at him anymore

"Look ah'm sorry, really ah am! Ah don't believe a single word ah said that day! Ah wanna take it all back, ah wanna make it better, ah wanna be near ya again!...ah don't wanna be sir no more..." The words traveled like knives to your heart, the pain in his voice breaking through to you. You could sense the look on his face without even glancing at him. You hated how he had so much control, you hated how much you still cared for him!

There was silence for awhile before, having lost all thoughts of keeping your cool and ignoring his words, you finally collected yourself enough to speak

"...do you know how much you hurt me?" At the sound of your voice he grew shocked. He hadn't heard that tone before. It was...vulnerable...you were opening back up to him! This could be fixed!

but then the words sunk in and his hope died like the forgotton embers of dead fire.

He couldn't think of anything to tell you that he hadn't already said. He only had two words he could even think to say to you.

"Ah'm sorry..." You winced once again at his words as a sickening feeling took you over. You didn't want to continue this conversation and neither did he. But it had to be done whether it was for the better or for the very worst.

You then felt a spike of anger. Those words those stupid, useless, ugly words. They had had held you in place as the world had beaten you down, they had been the nails that stuck you into walls, they had been the sedative that numbed you to the pain of others. You hated those words and how they consumed you.

You hated how you wanted to believe that they still meant anything.

"You think that an apology is going to make it all better don't you?" You spoke softly, though the sting of your growing frustration was easily audible.

He said nothing

"Do you realize how much you reminded me of every person I came here to run away from? Or just how many times I've heard people tell me that I- I'm useless! That I'm not able to help! That I'm a burden! That all I ever do is get in the way!" Your voice grew louder, the genuine and painful tone mixing with your only increasing anger.

He said nothing

"You don't you...you still think I'm a coward" Engie felt his jaw tighten at your words, his own anger bubbling to the surface a moment. He hated each word that left your mouth. He hated that you thought that.

He hated that he was the reason you thought that...

After receiving only more silence you continued, this time staring at your feet instead of the wall beside you, your pain slowlu disapating with his silence, leaving only resentment behind

"...nothing huh? Not another empty apology? No begging for my forgiveness? No pretending like you hadn't always thought of me like some 'no good nurse'? Where's the 'I never meant it' or the 'I swear I'll never do it again'? I've heard every last excuse in the fucking book! So go on! Lie to me Dell! Fucking lie! Make me feel better so you can hurt me more!" You yelled, the power behind your voice stronger than he's ever heard from you. And your words- god your words! They stabbed through his him like jagged knives! They burned and stung and felt as if they'd leave permanent scars on his body. They hurt like nothing else he's ever felt!

He couldn't have ever thought there was a hidden burden behind your eyes. That you carried around a painful past that clung to you like a vivid nightmare. He couldn't have thought that he'd be the one to hurt you the same way. That he would ever hurt you at all! And it hurt. It hurt to look at you, it hurt to know why what he'd done wasn't new to you. It hurt to know that you had been through this before, that you were dragged through excuses and apologies he used on you. It hurt and he didn't know why. He couldn't understand why all of this hurt so much!

It only became more painful when he noticed you begin to shake. He watched your breath hitched in quiet ways as you tried to hide your similarly broken state from his eyes. The adrenaline from your yelling had passed and you were left with the agony you were trying so desperately to push away

"What? Don't wanna talk anymore sir-"

"Don't-..." He took a step forward but immideatly stopped himself in his tracks, a small space left between the two of you. His voice started with a forceful and angered tone but was instantly silenced when he noticed. The was another moment of silence as he calmed himself before speaking again.

"Please don't call me that...Ah can't take you actin like ya don't know me anymore" He fell into a remorseful tone, his voice a whisper as it shook, the sound of held back tears found in it.

The frustration of every event that had happened was bubbling to the surface. You shut your eyes tight causing the tears that you had once hidden so well to fall. There was yet another long silence.

You weren't scared, which was strange as it was an emotion you usually felt in tense situations such as this one. You instead felt a rush of the emotions you had been trying so desperately to forget. The care, the love, the trust-...

Safe...you had felt so safe with him. You felt that he was truly the first person in your life that wouldn't ever hurt you. That he had cared. That the empty space you had lived your whole life with was something he would help you fix...

Even now. Even as you tried to push him away, even as he stepped closer, as he took actions you would normally flinch away from in immideate panic...you didn't move.

Because he still felt safe.

Tears flooded down your face as you kept your eyes tightly shut and your head turned away from him. Engie, still guided by nothing but his emotions, broke the tense air that seemed almost suffocating this close.

"Look at me..." His tone was soft and gentle, a sound that felt almost built to lull your senses into peace. Yet you didn't look at him, your head not daring to turn towards him.

You couldn't look...

"Y/n please just...just look at me..." He asked again but you continued to avoid him. You knew you would break at the sight of him. You couldn't break you- you couldn't. He'd only hurt you more the moment you did.

When you still didn't turn to look at him he felt his heart shatter further. He couldn't stand your averted eyes, that left him with only on the view of your falling tears, he couldn't bear to see you like this anymore.

He took slow steps forward until he stood infront of you. When you didn't make any attempt to move away from him he slowly brought his hands to either side of your face with the most hesitance he's ever had doing anything. It felt as if each small movement was a risk. A risk he had to take.

The moment you felt his hands touch your skin your eyes opened. You stared where the hands had fallen in your cheeks, the action being one you had so genuinely wanted not even a month ago. When he began to ever so slowly turn you to look at him you knew you couldn't fight it, not anymore.

Still your eyes didn't meet his. They traveled anywhere that wasn't his face as you cursed him for having so much control over you. His voice weakend your walls and his touch broke them down. You hated how weak he made you.

"Look me in the eyes. Please Y/n ah'm beggin ya just-...look at me. look at me like ah ain't a stranger no more. Ah wanna fix this...please..." His voice begged as his caring words sent even more tears down your face.

You wanted him to shut up. You wanted him to stop using that voice of his against your already precarious walls. You wanted to close yourself off, to push everything away, to push him away...

Yet you knew there was no way to hide from him.

"Stop..." You finally spoke, freezing his movements instantly. You took a moment to find your words before finally deciding to speak again

"Just stop I-...I don't want to hear you anymore. You can't just- do this to me. You can't-..." He grew confused by your choice of words, unaware that his own had come from a place he only subconsciously knew about.

"Can't do what?" He was cautious with his tone, not wanting to burn anymore of the bridge he'd already singed to near dust. A look of frustration passed your face for a moment. How could he be so blind as to what he was doing?! The gentle hand, the heartfelt words- how didn't he know that this care was what hurt you the most?

"You can't keep making me think you love me too..." You finally admitted, the words traveling through the air before echoing in Engies ears. He didn't register them at first but they soon became the only words he could think of. His eyes slightly widened and he felt at a loss of breath. In a cataclysmic chain reaction Engies mind completely rearranged once he truly understood your spoken words. They helped him come to the answers he'd been searching for. Why did you never cease to leave his mind? Why was you not being around so painful? Why did seeing you like this hurt him this much when getting into fights with others was so common place and nearly negligible?

It was because he loved you.

He became too stunned by the realization to speak, the epiphany bringing with it a whole new flood of emotions and a stronger desire to want you closer.

After the long silence you couldn't bear it anymore. You looked right onto his eyes as you tried to stop your tears, though you only managed to stop them from falling.

Though he succeeded in not getting the cold stare of a stranger. You instead looked directly into his soul.

"Why do you think it hurt me so bad? I-...I loved you...and I thought that you might have felt the same...I-I was going to tell you once Medic got back since we both would have had the day off but I-...I never got the chance..." The more you spoke of your hidden love for him the more he found his own heart picking up it's pace, the gentleness and genuine care in your words only intensifying the words that still echoed through his head. He gravitated towards you until your foreheads touched, your lips remained inches away from eachother with his hands still holding your face in the most gental way. You went wide-eyed, your tears coming to a stop due to the shock his actions caused.

"Ah...Ah never wanted ta hurt ya...it hurts too much seein ya lahke this" He softly whispered, his tone alone being enough to cause a sudden skip of your heart. He was unsure if he should continue, he really had no idea what he was doing. All he knew was that he had to make this better...

That he wanted to love you...

There was no way you could push him away anymore, not when you had dreamed about being this close. You felt a slight spark of fear with the realization, your mind still echoing with the thought that you couldn't ever trust anyone. You pushed that fear away, knowing that even if you wanted to, there was no way you'd be able to suppress the deep care you held for him. So with extreame hesitance you ended up closing the gap, landing your lips on his.

The kiss was gentle as you both were still scared of making any sudden movements. One of the hands he help on your face slowly trailed down until he had a grip on your waist. He pulled you closer, still afraid that you might push him away again.

Your hands made their way to his chest as you leaned further into his embrace, hoping that this was finally something real, that you had found someone who genuinely loved you. You were afraid that at any second he might hurt you again. That he might pull away and laugh at how easy you broke near him.

When you both pulled away you continued to hover near eachothers lips. In the sudden silence of the room the only sounds heard were the soft breaths brushing against eachothers skin. It took a moment to come back to reality and when you did you both were locked in place, staring into the endless worlds eachothers eyes had to offer. This was a moment neither of you wanted to break. You both wanted to live in this single moment for the rest of your lives. A strange thought, considering moments before you both could barely speak to one another.

"...Ah...Ah love you..." He finally spoke the three words that lifted weight from your heart. Finally, for the first time in a while, you smiled. He couldn't help but smile back, finding himself overjoyed now knowing that that you felt better.

"...I love you too" you whispered back. A sense of relief washed over him as he how knew that you weren't pulling away from him anytime soon.

1 Month Later

"Hey! Sugarcube!" Engie called down the hall. You turned your head and smiled once you noticed him. God how he loved your smile. You quickly ended your conversation with Medic and walked up to him.

"Whatcha need cowboy?" He melted at the nickname, his once proud smile visualizing that as it became rather goofy looking.

"C'mere. Ah wanna show ya somthin'" you gave him a nod and he led you to his workshop.

You two had been dating ever since that night. It was very hard the first few days as everything slowly went back to normal with the addition of your new relationship. You both had already talked out what happened and everything was getting better. He still felt extremely guilty though. As much as you tried to reassure him, he was still in a pit of regret. But it was getting better.

You thought so anyway.

The two of you walked into the workshop that you both knew like the backs of your hands. You followed him deep into the piles of machinery and it was only a moment later that he stopped. He gently picked up a box before turning towards you. In his hand he held a box about the size of a shoe box. It was simple looking but at the same time held beautiful engravings. Before you could analyze it further he began speaking.

"Ah...Ah know ah still owe ya a lot and ah ain't very good with showin how much Ah care, but ah figured maybe Ah could make it better with just one small thing at a tahme...so Ah made ya this..." He outstretched the box to you, a bit of nervousness now present. You continued to look at him as you carefully took the box from him.

"Dell, you don't owe me anything, you should be smart enough to know that. It was a mistake and I've already forgiven you for it" you explained for what had to be the hundredth time already, though you knew that he'd have to hear it more than that to fully convince him. He looked away from you once you were done talking.

"Yeah, yeah ah know....doesn't mean I still don't owe ya though..." You shit him a confused look.

"How else could you owe me?" He chuckled a moment before taking a step closer to you. He wrapped one hand around your waist and pulled you into a side embrace.

"I owe ya more with each passin day you spend lovin me" a small smile pulled at your lips at the pure cheesiness of his words. You turned your head to him with a bit of heat felt on your face.

"Well in that case you're gonna be in debt for a while" you spoke with a playful tone that caused another laugh to escape him.

"Whah don't ya just open it and see if this week's debts are paid then?" you both held playful smiles before you gave him a nod. You turned back to the box and looked it over for a moment. It was a small and made of metal with tiny engravings on it, all of them somehow relating to something about you, from your favourite animal to favorite music. You smiled at the thoughtfulness of it. Your fingers then traced to the lock on the box. As you pulled it down it made a satisfying 'click' to signify it was open. You slowly lifted the lid to be immediately met with a beautiful sound. Once the lid was completely lifted you clearly heard the song.

It was the song he had played on his guitar whenever you and him relaxed in here together.

That alone shocked you, but that wasn't even the end of it. On the inside were a couple of picture you slolwy looked over as tears began to build in your eyes.

They were pictures of you two from the day you first met and on, a memory held in each photo. You slowly turned back to him as you fought to keep tears from welling in your eyes.

"It's...beautiful..." You spoke with complete sincerity. He quickly pulled you into a full embrace with the only thing keeping the distance between you and him being the box in your hands. He slowly leaned his head over until it rested on yours.

The soft melody of the music box continued to play in the background as you both slightly swayed to the wonderful sound. The gentle sway caused you to melt into the moment and close your eyes so you could soak it in better. Dell also fell victim to the entrancing sound. After a long moment of this calm swaying you spoke just above a whisper

"Dell..." Your voice broke through the sound.

"Yeah sweetheart?" He spoke with an entirely calmed voice. He found these moments to be the only peace he ever truely had in his life.

"What did I tell you about making me fall in love?" you held a begrudging smile on your face. He couldn't help but let his own smile grow.

"Well you ain't makin it any easier on me either..." He commented, getting a small laugh from you.

"Besides..." He pulled away a bit and opened his eyes causing you to do the same.

"We're the only ones keepin this place from burnin down! Might as well team up!" A playful smirk was once again found on his face and one quickly grew on yours accompanied by a shared laugh. After your laughing ended you spoke.

"Speaking of which, it's been a whole ten minutes! And they've-... been silent..." The smiles immediately fell from your faces at the realization. It was quiet...

Too quiet...

Then suddenly-

"aaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaa" Scout ran right past the open workshop door and not far behind you and Engie hear-

"HUU HUUDA HUUUUU!" You both turn to each other with fear stricken faces. Then, at exactly the same time, you two came up with only two words to describe the situation

"Oh no"

[fanficimagery]

Friends in High Places

Summary: When Spencer comes home with files to a case that has his team stumped, he's surprised when you- his neighbor for a couple years now- is the person who gives them a new lead to follow. That and that you're ex-SHIELD.

Words: 8K Warnings: This is what I get for starting a rewatch of Criminal Minds and then watching Marvel movies all in one day. Fml. I've never written for Criminal Minds, so please excuse the mediocre-ness of their characterization. I have no idea what I'm doing; I just knew I wanted a crossover between these two fandoms. Also timeline? What are those? All you gotta know is that this is an AU where Bucky's joined the team and Steve DIDN'T ruin the life Peggy Carter would have had. As for the CM side, this is sometime after Hotch has left and Emily took over. Idk.

Having the night off and wanting nothing more than to just be lazy, you're sitting on your couch in your most comfiest clothes and mindlessly scrolling through Tumblr as your TV plays some program on Animal Planet. You're not even paying attention to the program, but the low sound is perfect for background noise.

You're queuing up some art posts that catch your attention, as well as some gif sets of the TV shows you've become a constant viewer of in the past few years, when there's a knock at your door. But not just any knock. It's a specific knock that you and your neighbor came up with after you got to know each other and became fast friends, and it was to let the other know they were home and wanted company. You mostly worked nights and his work schedule was always all over the place, so it's surprising you're both home at the same time.

Picking up your phone, you shoot him a quick text that you'll be over in five.

Spencer Reid is literally the man of every woman's dream, even if they didn't know it. He's cute and adorable and sometimes dangerously hot all rolled into one, and the best thing about it all is that he doesn't even know it. You had met him on one of your first few days in the apartment complex, but unfortunately it was during one of your slight panic attacks when a thunderstorm had caught you off guard while you were sitting in your car and you didn't have an umbrella.

He had seen and heard you freaking out as he was passing by, and knocked on the passenger window. You had collected yourself just long enough to roll the window down a few inches when he asked if you were okay, then proceeded to answer his own question by stating you obviously weren't. When he realized you lived in the same complex and asked if he could climb inside your car and out of the storm, you had stared at him in confusion until he realized that might have been a bit weird since you were strangers. He stammered his way through his explanation of being an FBI agent and after showing you his badge you had let him in.

You didn't have to tell him what was making you panic and he proceeded to keep your mind occupied. He asked about you and where you had moved in from, and spewed random facts about anything to temporarily make you forget about the storm raging outside. But the torrential rain wasn't letting up and the lightning was only getting closer and closer. He made you realize you had to make a run for it and even offered up his umbrella for you. You had thanked him with tears in your eyes and made a run for it on the count of three when you were settled just enough.

Inside the lobby of your apartment building, you had stood there trembling while Spencer nervously gripped onto the strap of his messenger bag as he stood across from you. When you were shaking the water off his umbrella, you hesitantly told him your reasoning for your freak-out. It wasn't necessarily the thunderstorm, but rather the torrential rain that wasn't letting up. A few years back you had a drowning incident and too much water on your face tended to bring back those memories. He said he understood and then with a sympathy tinged smile he offered to walk you to your apartment. It was a pleasant surprise to learn you had only lived two doors down from him.

Weeks turned into months and months into a couple of years, and you and Spencer were nearly inseparable when you both had the same day/night off.

So after quickly fixing your already messy hair so you don't look like a complete slob, and pulling on a loose hoodie, you grab your phone from the sofa and then head on out. Your socked feet keep your footsteps quiet as you head down to Spencer's door where you knock three times on it before opening it up and stepping inside.

But before you can greet him with a cheesy welcome, he's already calling out, "Hope you haven't had dinner. I picked up some burgers on the way home."

On cue, your stomach grumbles. "God bless you, you beautiful, beautiful man!" You hear him laugh from a room that's not where his kitchen is, so you make a beeline for the kitchen instead of accidentally walking in on him changing. There are two paper bags on the table and you quickly grab plates from his cabinet to separate the food on. Spencer enters the kitchen in a shirt and some gray joggers, and you greet him with a beaming smile. "You're home and in one piece! Yay!" He laughs and you quickly lean in to peck his cheek, not saying a word when you catch sight of his pink tinged cheeks. "You have any beer?"

"Yes. Grab two, please."

"Got it." You hear one of his kitchen chairs creak as you open his refrigerator to grab two beers, you then searching a nearby drawer for the bottle opener. Once you find it, you walk back over to the table and open each beer before handing one over to him.

"Thanks."

"Mhm." Taking a seat, you set your beer down before unwrapping your burger and dumping your fries out onto the plate. "So what's up, doc? You're home surprisingly early."

"We've hit a wall on our latest case," he says, keeping it vague. "There was nothing for us to do while Garcia did her thing, so Emily sent us home for a bit."

"Nice." You take a bite of your burger and your eyes widen when Spencer's eyebrows raise in surprise. When you realize how your words sounded, you're quick to backtrack. "Wait! It's not nice that you hit a wall, but nice that you got sent home! I got free food out of it. That's why it's nice. Not because, you know, you haven't found the-"

"Y/N, you're rambling," Spencer says, lips twitching. "I understood what you meant."

You sigh, shoulders dropping, and grab half a fry to toss at him. "Eat your food, Reid. It's getting cold."

It surprisingly doesn't take long for the two of you to eat your dinner, you both being hungrier than you first thought. After you're done, Spencer turns down a second beer but tells you to help yourself. You do. And on the way into his living room, you bump into one of his chairs and knock his bag over. You gasp and set your beer down on the coffee table, falling to your knees to scoop up his files that had spilled out.

Chuckling, Spencer crouches next to you as you profusely apologize.

"It's okay. It was an accident." A few pictures had slid out of their files and normally you'd just shove them back in because his work wasn't any of your business, but the face staring back up at you makes you pause. Blonde hair, blue eyes, a little heavy on the eyeliner, and a lip piercing. You know her. "Y/N?" You gulp and flip to another picture- brown hair, brown eyes, mole above the right eyebrow. You know her too. "Y/N? Are you okay?"

With trembling hands, you flip back to the first picture and show it to him. "Is Lilian dead?"

Spencer's eyes widen. "You knew her?"

Knew. Past tense. She is dead. Showing him the second picture, you nod sadly. "Kyndall too."

He seems to stop breathing then and from one moment to the next he's opening files and pulling out picture after picture. As you stare at each of them, you grimace and swallow down the bile that's threatening to climb its way up your throat. "Y/N, do you know any of the others?"

Shakily exhaling, you point at each picture. "Desiree, Celeste, Maria. I don't know this one, but I think her last name was Valdez? And then the male is Tim."

Spencer falls on his butt, staring at you in surprise. "That's right. We know their names and their current line of work, but that's about it. Their files only seem to go back a few years. Everything between the end of their high school career and current line of work seems to be scrubbed clean. Do you- do you know of any connection between these people? Any little thing you know can possibly be a big help to my team."

Your gaze darts up to him and your heart sinks. You've managed to keep your past mostly hidden, but now it seems the time has come to tell him what you did before. "They, uh, they're all ex-agents of SHIELD. The real SHIELD, not HYDRA."

"What?"

"If I remember correctly, they were computer analysts or paper pushers. They had gun training as one would think an agent would have, but they were agents who didn't really have to train in hand-to-hand since they never made it out into the field."

"You're positive? How do you know this?"

You gulp. "Because I'm ex-SHIELD too."

Spencer blinks at you, but then in the next moment he's up on his feet and reaching for his phone. He places a quick phone call, stepping into another room and leaving you alone. Your stomach sinks and you have a feeling that this confession might have just put a wedge in your friendship. After all, though ex-agents were being picked up by other different branches of the government, you weren't sure just how exactly trustworthy all ex-agents were being treated.

Spencer reappears, nervously tucking his hair behind his ear. "Do you mind coming with me back to work? My co-workers could really pick your brain about this."

You blink at him. "W-What? You're not mad at me?"

"Mad?" He chuckles. "Why would I be mad? I mean I wish I had known what you did so I didn't have to worry about you being alone when I left for a case, but I can see why you would keep that underwraps. HYDRA made a lot of people paranoid."

"Tell me about it," you mumble. Then after a few seconds, you finally climb up to your own two feet. "Um, just let me go put on some shoes. I'll meet you in the hall."

Spencer's smile and nod eases some of your worries, but you still quickly make an escape to go put on some shoes. Your front door bangs open and you hurry to your hall closet. Yanking open that door, you pull on the first pair of Converse you come across. Then taking a moment to think, you grab a pair of knee high boots that you use every once in a while. Reaching inside, you grab your old badge and a USB stick, sticking your badge in your back pocket and the USB in your front pocket. Then grabbing your keys from the hook by the front door, you shut the door after exiting and lock it. Spencer is waiting down the hall for you and you jog towards him. He tightly smiles and then leads you downstairs, towards his car, and you sit quietly in his passenger seat while he drives.

On the way towards Spencer's place of work, he can't help but ask, "So what exactly did you do with SHIELD if you don't mind me asking."

You shrug. "Cat's out of the bag now, so I don't mind." You chuckle though it kind of falls flat. "I was, uh, a computer analyst for a while. But then I was taken on a field trip with a few agents and we ended up trading bullets with several not so nice guys. The field agents liked the way I handled myself and requested I level up, so to speak."

"And you never thought of trying to get hired on with anyone else? If I recall, the FBI and CIA were picking up ex-SHIELD agents after the fall."

You shake your head. "Remember that drowning incident I mentioned? Or the reason why I can't take baths anymore and have to turn my shower on and off between washing?" Spencer hums, remembering what he thought were odd quirks until he realized it was all because of your fear of certain amounts of water. "That drowning incident was HYDRA's fault. I spent months in rehab and just- well, no one wanted a damaged agent."

"If it makes you feel any better, I'm kind of glad they didn't. I quite like my neighbor who picks up take-out and bakes sweets for me after a rough case."

You try not to think too much about his words and instead choose to smile at him before looking out your window. The drive is only about twenty minutes and fortunately the radio fills in the semi-tense silence.

When you get to the FBI building, Spencer escorts you inside with a hand at the small of your back. You're given a visitor's badge and you quickly clip it onto the hem of your hoodie. The elevator ride up to the BAU's main floor is a short one and it opens up to a wall of glass where you can see several desks behind it.

Spencer opens the door for you and you can't help but make yourself seem as small as possible. You cross your arms over your chest, hugging yourself as you enter the room. There are several people milling about, but no one pays you any attention. Only one female, dark bangs covering her forehead while the rest of her hair falls just passed her shoulders, heads towards you once she spots you and Spencer.

"Y/N," Spencer says, introducing you to the woman as she nears, "this is our Unit Chief Emily Prentiss. Emily, this is my good friend Y/N Y/L/N."

Emily is all smiles as she reaches to shake your hand. "Hi! It's nice to finally meet the girl who takes care of our boy wonder after cases."

Spencer nervously chuckles and you find yourself genuinely grinning. "It's nice to finally meet you too. I've heard some funny stories about all you guys."

"I will neither confirm nor deny any of those."

Emily then leads you towards a room where three others are waiting. "Guys, this is Y/N Y/L/N. Friend of Spence and ex-agent of SHIELD. Y/N, this is Special Agent Derek Morgan and Jennifer Jareau, and our very own technical analyst Penelope Garcia."

Everyone happily greets you and Jennifer even gives you the go ahead to call her JJ. You're offered a seat at their round table and you glance at their board filled with pictures of people you used to work with. Spencer sits next to you and you offer him a feeble smile when he reaches beneath the table to squeeze your knee.

"Alright, guys, I know we're all interested in the girl who lives next to Spence, but we need to get down to business." Spencer groans as his teammates all chuckle. "So Y/N, is there anything else you can give us about the victims? What exactly did they do? Did they all personally know each other or just enough because they were coworkers? Even the smallest bit of info that you think is inconsequential can help us."

"I, uh, I can do you one better," you say. You shift in your seat and reach into your front pocket, pulling out the USB stick. "Since I figure all those NDA's we signed are now null and void thanks to Agent Romanoff's data dump, and because you're Spencer's friend, I feel comfortable handing this over. It kind of made me nervous keeping it in my house anyway."

You slide the USB towards Penelope and she gasps, snatching it up and holding it as if it were the holy grail. "Is this- are these files? Because let me tell you, I tried to download those files as soon as they hit the net but there were just so many and not even our WiFi could download it fast enough before they were scrubbed clean."

You grin and nod, chuckling at Penelope's squeal. "I started collecting everyone's files that I could get my hands on. I started with the baby agents- agents whose files wouldn't toss up red flags when their files were opened. The more clearance I was granted, the more files I was able to download."

"Oh my god. Yes! You are my new favorite person." Penelope rushes around the table, bending down to kiss your cheek with a loud mwah! "Reid, keep this one. I'll be in my lair."

The group all chuckle as you blush, but then Agent Morgan is clearing his throat. "Not that I'm not grateful about what you're giving up, but isn't what you were doing illegal?"

You shrug. "It possibly was, but then Director Fury realized I was memorizing it all and didn't have a problem with it so long as those files didn't leave my office."

"But you have them on you now," Morgan says.

"Yeah. The USB was hidden within my belongings in my office. My office surprisingly survived unscathed after Captain Rogers crashed the helicarriers into the Potomac, and my stuff was packed up and shipped to me while I was in rehab."

"If you don't mind me asking," JJ wonders, "but were you at the Triskelion when HYDRA came out or..?"

"I don't mind the questions at all," you say. "It's actually quite nice to talk about it with people who aren't eyeing me suspiciously." The group flashes you small smiles. "I was actually on a consulting job with a recently formed SHIELD team whose base was a humongous plane that was constantly on the move. Anyway, one of those trusted team members ended up being HYDRA. He led a group of his men onto the plane, killed half of us to get control of it, and then locked me and two scientists into a holding pod before dropping us into the middle of the ocean."

"The drowning incident," Spencer suddenly realizes.

You smile sadly at him, nodding. "We sank to the bottom of the ocean floor. There were three of us and only one little oxygen tank." Spencer grabs your hand beneath the table and you're grateful for the grounding pressure. "We gave it to Jemma. Fitz and I were going to attempt to swim, but we didn't make it. Fitz blacked out first, then me, and then- then nothing. We woke up in a trusted SHIELD facility, and Fitz and I couldn't operate like we used to. With our brains having been deprived of oxygen, it messed us up for a while."

"Wow," Emily says. "I am so sorry."

You shrug at her with a small smile. "It was all part of the job."

"What do you do now?" Morgan asks. "I hate to say it, but with all our victims being ex-SHIELD, and you as well, we have to rule you out as-"

"I get it." You smile in reassurance at him since it kind of pained him to admit that you could be a suspect and have Spencer glare at him for even thinking it. "I'm a bouncer at a bar most nights."

Morgan chuckles. "A bouncer? You!?"

"Hey! I might not look like much, but I did train with Avengers. I could probably give you a run for your money, agent Morgan."

"Okay, okay," he muses.

"I also work as private security for Stark Industries when they throw galas. If you need the exact dates I've been working, I can get that for you."

"Please," JJ says. "Spencer's already vouched for you, but protocol and all that. You understand."

"I do. I'll just- I'll text my bosses to email my clock-ins and clock-outs."

Pulling out your phone, you immediately text your boss at the bar and Pepper Potts. You keep the explanation vague as to why you need it, but assure them it's very much needed for a case the FBI is working on. They completely understand and you even have to make Pepper swear not to get Tony involved.

The emails come in not even ten minutes later and JJ happily takes your phone to run the dates with Penelope, promising to be quick about it. You remain in your seat, watching as Morgan and Emily walk towards the board and start tossing their thoughts back and forth over what they've learned so far.

Your hands are atop the table, thumbs chipping away the already chipped nail polish you have on. The second you raise your hand with the intent of chewing on your thumb nail, Spencer catches your hand. "You okay?" He quietly asks and you stare at him. He then lets your hand go as you pull them back into your lap.

"Yeah. Just getting kind of tired. And a bit anxious. Someone's targeting ex-SHIELD agents and I- well I'm one of those people."

"No one is going to hurt you, Y/N. I promise."

You feebly smile, not taking his words to heart because you know he can't actually keep that promise. He might want to, but you know better than to take these types of promises seriously in situations such as this.

JJ reappears, a bright smile in place as she hands you your phone. "I'm pretty sure Penelope programmed her number in there."

"That's fine." You chuckle. You lay your phone on the table, giving your attention back to Emily and Morgan who's now being joined by JJ.

"Guys, Garcia is having a ball right now. There's so much information she wasn't privy to before, but I'm not sure how any of it is going to help more than Y/N already has." Emily and Morgan look at JJ, waiting for her to explain. "We already know victims weren't the best at hand-to-hand, which the unsub clearly took advantage of. But we need to know what they were presently doing and if they were checking in with anyone because there are a lot of dead ex-agents. That's not a coincidence. Either someone who's ex-SHIELD or HYDRA is picking off ex-agents one by one, or someone who has a grudge against SHIELD found a list of ex-agents and is working their way down the list."

"Where do we even start?" Morgan asks, incredulous. "SHIELD technically doesn't exist anymore and those who are operating in the shadows are nearly impossible to track down thanks to the Avengers. None of them are exactly easy to get a hold of after General Ross made it his personal mission to bring in James Buchanan Barnes for crimes HYDRA made him commit. They like working on their own."

"We'd have to jump through a bunch of hoops just to get a face to face," Emily says, sighing. "If we're lucky they'll want in on the case since it's related to SHIELD."

"Um, actually.." You nervously raise your hand, calling all attention on you. "You can bypass all those hoops."

Emily stares at you, sitting on the edge of the table as she crosses her arms over her chest. "You still have connections, don't you?" At your sheepish grin, she huffs in amusement. Every other team member straightens with hope in their expressions.

"Agent Prentiss, I am the connection." As you pick up your phone once more, JJ and Morgan step closer to the table. You scroll through your contacts, finding the one you need and tapping on it. Then putting it on speaker, you try to soothe your nerves as the ringing through the speaker seems to make the atmosphere of the room become tense.

The ringing stops as the connection is made and then, "Well, well, well. If it isn't my second favorite human on God's green Earth." You roll your eyes at the charm oozing from him. "What kind of trouble are you in now, doll?"

Emily and JJ's eyes widen, and you shake your head in amusement. "Put your boyfriend on the line, Barnes. I'm calling in a favor."

"Are you calling to finally take us up on that offer of joining us for a night?"

Everyone in the room seems to freeze, although Morgan is highly enjoying where this seems to be going. You close your eyes, scrunching up your nose. You can't believe they just heard that. "Steve really needs to put a muzzle on you."

"Well if you're into that-"

"Bucky!" You bark. "You're on speaker." Morgan finally loses the battle with his laughter and you wish you can sink into your chair. Instead you have to settle for just insanely blushing and covering your face with one hand. "I'm currently with the BAU of the FBI. They have a case that they could use some help on."

"Oh." There's a beat of silence. "Christ, Y/N. You should have stopped me sooner. Stevie's gonna lecture me again. Hold on. I'll go get him."

The line goes silent and you nervously meet Spencer's gaze. He's the only one who doesn't seem as amused which is why you don't find Bucky's greeting as funny as you normally would. Something about his expression actually makes you wish Bucky hadn't said anything.

"Y/N?"

You sit a little straighter in your seat. "Hey, Cap."

"What's going on? Buck mentioned the FBI."

"Uh yeah. I'm with Agents Prentiss, Morgan, Jareau, and Doctor Reid," you tell him. "They've been dealing with a case that had gone cold and well I kind of made a connection they hadn't seen before because they couldn't, and uh I'm sure they could use your help."

"What was the connection?"

You look at Emily and she nods, letting you tell him. "Steve, all the victims are ex-SHIELD. Specifically agents who wouldn't have had too much training; who couldn't hold their own without a gun in hand."

There's a sharp inhale. "What do they need?"

Emily's eyes close in relief and she holds her hand out for your phone. You happily oblige her and hand it over. "Captain Rogers, this is Special Agent Emily Prentiss. I'm the one in charge of my team here."

"Hello, Agent Prentiss. How can my team and I be of help?"

"Well we mainly need to pick your brains and ask some questions. We're aware that SHIELD is still operating to an extent, even if it is in the shadows, so we'd like to know if the victims were still affiliated with you. If we're dealing with someone who is or was from SHIELD or HYDRA, we'd like to have you involved since you have more experience with how they operate."

"That's fine. I'll gather my team and set up a room. Are you okay to set up base here in the Compound?"

"Yes!" JJ says, starting everyone. She clears her throat and calms herself. "Yes."

Steve chuckles. "Very well. Gather everything you need. I'll be sending a quinjet for you all since it'll be faster. Y/N knows the pick-up location."

"Thank you so much, Captain Rogers."

Emily hands you the phone and seeing that the call is still connected, you say, "Hey, Steve? Thanks for this."

"It's not a problem, sweetheart. Are you okay though? You're an ex-shield agent yourself."

"I know, but nothing has been out of the ordinary. I'm okay."

"Good. You coming too?"

"I was actually planning on going home after driving the agents to the location. I'm not an active agent anymore, bub."

"I know you're not, but with that agent neighbor of yours coming here I rather have you here as well so we can keep an eye on you." You sigh at his protectiveness. "Bring a change of clothes for a week. I'll have Nat get a hold of your boss and let him know some of what's going on so you'll have a job to go back to once all of this is over."

"You're a pain in the ass, Rogers."

Steve laughs. "See you soon, Y/L/N."

The call ends and you set your phone down. Glancing up, you smile sheepishly at the team staring at you. "So, uh, I guess I'm tagging along. Sorry about that."

Emily opens her mouth, her words getting stuck as she shakes her head in amusement. "Don't be. You got us working with the Avengers within minutes as opposed to taking hours, possibly even a day if I had to put in a request."

Morgan whistles appreciatively. "This is insane. I'm gonna give Garcia a heads up about our field trip. Expect another tag a long. I don't think she'll pass up this opportunity."

You chuckle as JJ says, "Rossi is going to be so pissed he took a vacation and missed out on working with the Avengers." Then looking at you, she adds, "Do you think Spider-Man will be there? My son absolutely loves him and I would be the coolest mom ever if I got a picture or video with him."

"I'm sure Pe- uh, I'm sure Spider-Man will make an appearance," you say. "He's always hanging around after his classes are done for the day."

JJ's eyes widen. "You totally know who he is."

"I do. And let me tell you, he absolutely adores kids. Ask and he'll happily oblige."

"Guys. Guys!" Emily says. "Case first, fangirl later."

Spencer snorts and you elbow him on reflex. He grumbles, Emily and JJ grin, and you innocently smile at Emily. "Sorry, Agent Prentiss. I'll just- I'll go sit on that couch over there so I'm not in the way."

Emily starts telling her team what needs to be done, repeating herself again when Morgan returns with a clearly excited Garcia. Morgan informs everyone he'll go gather the boxes of files while Spencer immediately sets out to disassemble the board of pictures and post-its. Garcia excitedly rushes back to her own office to pack up a few things, while Emily and JJ figure out what all they'll need to be taking with them.

To keep yourself occupied, you waste a few minutes by playing a game on your phone.

You're not sure how much time has passed, but someone hesitantly sitting next to you takes your attention off your phone. Glancing up, you see Spencer sitting there and realize everyone else has cleared out of the room. "We should be ready to head out in about ten minutes."

"Oh. Okay."

There's a moment of silence and then, "Soo.. Bucky Barnes." He chuckles, running a hand through his hair, and you can tell his amusement isn't exactly genuine. "He's- he's not the type of person I pictured you with if I'm being honest."

"Barnes?" You snort. "Ew. No." Spencer seems surprised by your reply. "Bucky likes to flirt with me because he knows it won't go anywhere. He's well aware of the actual person I have a crush on and he respects that. Mostly."

"O-Oh? So there is someone in the picture then?"

"Well, not really," you say. Squirming in your seat, you're not totally comfortable with the direction this talk has taken until you see you're not the only one squirming. Spencer is avoiding eye contact, but he's also clearly awaiting your answer. There's also a telltale flush up the side of his neck to the tips of his ears, and- oh. Oh. Seeing how nervous Spencer suddenly is makes you feel better. So better, in fact, that you feel you should speak up about something that you've kept secret for a while. "Well I mean I'd like there to be," you say, grinning when he freezes. "The thing is, he actually lives down the hall from me." Cue him holding his breath. "He's totally adorable, but also secretly hot which is so unfair, and he works for the FBI." Spencer's head snaps in your direction, eyes wide. You smile sheepishly and shrug. "The only downfall is that he's way too good for someone like me, so I settled for friendship."

Your heart is beating terribly fast and the only thing keeping you glued to your seat is Spencer grinning bashfully, cheeks pink. "If you ask me, I don't think he's too good at all. I-If anything, he probably thinks you were too good for him which is why he never made his own feelings known."

Relief washes over you and you laugh. "We're idiots, huh?"

Lips pressed together, he smiles wide. Then, "A little."

"Rain check on this discussion? We've got Avengers to greet and you have a case to solve."

"Of course!" Spencer hastily stands, offering you a hand up. Grinning, you take it and let him pull you to your feet while shoving your phone into your back pocket. "Wherever we're going, is it okay to leave our vehicles there?"

"Yeah. It's private property and pretty secluded. No one gets in without codes."

"Okay then. We'll swing by our building for your bag and then you can direct one of the drivers while the other follows."

"Sure. Sounds like a plan."

Because of the connection between the list of victims, you have an escort up to your apartment while you pack a bag. Emily and JJ happily accompany you, leaving Spencer to fend for himself with Morgan and Garcia.

In your apartment, the two female agents waste no time in subtly trying to figure out your exact feelings for their dear friend and you take great amusement in skirting around the answer they so desperately try to pry out of you. And it's only after your duffel is packed do you tell them you and Spencer had admitted some things to each other, but you are planning to talk about it further after their case is closed. JJ seems oddly giddy and Emily coos about their boy genius growing up. You blush, relieved that they've taken a to liking to you. Then when you get back to the vehicles, you know Spencer has been questioned as well given the smirks being sent your way.

The drive to the field isn't long and the team is impressed by the level of security for a seemingly abandoned airfield. There's an unmanned gate which you get off at to speak for voice recognition, punch in a specific code, give a hand print, and then secretly have your forefinger pricked for a blood sample. Then when the gate swings open, you quickly climb back into the car and instruct Emily towards the second gate where a guard sits. The guard greets you warmly and, after you introduce those in the vehicle with you, he assures you he knows all about the impending pick-up.

"So what exactly are we in for?" Morgan asks. You're all waiting in an opened hangar, the boxes they'd packed sitting on the ground.

"Your perceptions about them are about to be changed," you admit. "I'm sure you've all told yourselves that the Avengers are just like you and I, but you have no idea how true that it is until you meet them."

"Who is the nicest?" JJ wonders.

You take a moment to think about. "Honestly? They're all nice, but if I had to choose I'd choose Spider-Man. It's hard not to like him. The kid's a puppy."

"Who gives the best hugs?" Garcia quickly adds.

Everyone chuckles at her eagerness. "That's a tough one," you say. You ponder on it for a moment. "I say it's a tie between Steve and Thor. They hug full on, chest to chest. None of that half-assed, one arm hug nonsense."

Garcia practically swoons. "Oh to be wrapped up in those beefy Asgardian arms." You snort and shake your head in amusement.

Another twenty minutes pass and you regale Spencer and his friends about some of your work with SHIELD. But all too soon the telltale sound of a quinjet reaches your ears and when you look up you see one incoming.

"Well that was hella fast," Garcia muses when she spots the quinjet herself.

JJ grins. "Stark technology. Gotta love it."

Emily nods in agreement. "We definitely need an upgrade."

Whoever is flying the quinjet lands it with ease, and Spencer, Morgan, and JJ immediately pick up their boxes. Shouldering the strap of your duffel bag, you start heading towards the quinjet when the ramp is being lowered and the team follows a few steps behind.

Clint Barton walks off the ramp and you chuckle, hurrying your steps. Both your arms go around his neck and one of his arms wraps low around your waist. "Short stack," he says. "What trouble did you get into now?"

"Why does everyone assume I'm in trouble?" You pout as you pull back, pinching his cheek and cooing before stepping back out of range. "And what are you even doing here? Shouldn't you be on the farm with those precious little heathens?"

"I was, but Laura had leftovers for Nat and Wanda. I was just dropping them off when Steve rounded up the team."

"Oh nice." Then turning around, you gesture to the BAU team. "Clint, meet Special Agents Emily Prentiss, Derek Morgan, Jennifer Jareau, Doctor Spencer Reid, and the brains of the beauty of the team Miss Penelope Garcia. Guys, meet Clint Barton formerly known as Hawkeye."

Everyone shakes hands, with the exception of Garcia who slaps his hand away and pulls him into a hug.

"Baby girl," Morgan laughs, "what are you doing?"

She squeezes a chuckling Clint before letting go, she then whirling on her own friend. "This is my first time meeting the Avengers. Do not take this from me!" Morgan's eyebrows raise in amusement, the whole team and Clint chuckling.

Then not wasting anymore time, Clint ushers everyone on board. He shows them where the boxes and your bag can be stowed before taking the pilot's seat up front, only to be joined by Morgan moments later in the co-pilot seat. You show Emily and Garcia how to buckle in, and then take your own seat between JJ and Spencer.

Clint counts down for lift off and you grip your harness as you feel the quinjet take flight. Spencer nudges you with his elbow and you glance at him, grinning to assure him you're okay. But when you can feel the quinjet picking up speed thanks to the feeling in your gut, you close your eyes and are thankful that no one brings up the fact that you're actually really nervous right now.

Your left hand is grabbed and gently pried from your grip on the harness, and your eyes fly open in surprise. You look towards your left and JJ smiles at you reassuringly as she squeezes your hand in comfort. Then when your right hand is grabbed and given the same treatment, you glance over at Spencer and can't help but blurt, "I-I've never been nervous about flying before."

"It's perfectly normal to subconsciously be nervous or anxious after we trudged up your past earlier," he says. "Just close your eyes and relax. We won't let anything happen to you."

You nod, smiling shakily and turn your head to rest it against the headrest of your seat. Then closing your eyes, you're grateful for the team not asking you anything for the duration of the ride. Instead, they save their questions for Clint who's all too happy to answer what he can.

You know the Compound's come into view when Morgan whistles in appreciation. Clint lands to quinjet with ease and then everyone's unbuckling themselves when he gives the go ahead. Before you can grab your bag, however, Spencer is grabbing it and beaming at you when you sigh with mock annoyance.

One by one the BAU team disembarks after Clint, leaving you and Spencer to bring up the rear. You hear Clint introducing everyone and notice everyone's congregated around in a circle. Then just as you and Spencer join, you notice that Garcia is petting Bucky's vibranium arm. You snort, catching an amused Steve's attention.

"Y/N," he greets.

"Steve." You step forward, briefly hugging him and then Bucky. As you step back in line, you gesture towards Spencer to introduce him. "This is Doctor Spencer Reid. Spence, this is Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes."

Steve leans in for a handshake, but then pauses mid-shake. "Wait. Spencer Reid? The Spencer Reid?" He grins. "Are you- are you and the agent neighbor one in the same?"

You sharply inhale, eyes widening when everyone turns to stare at your rapidly blushing face. Steve's grin turns rather teasing and your eyes narrow at him. "Two words; octopus dick." Steve's amusement vanishes, and everyone turns towards a now blushing Steve as Bucky guffaws. You turn your gaze on him next. "I don't know why you're laughing, dolphin boy."

Bucky immediately shuts up and Steve shakily grins before addressing the team. "Okay! Now that we've all been introduced, lets get inside before Y/N starts a war she can't finish."

Morgan and JJ are the only two to follow after Steve, Bucky, and Clint. Emily and Garcia remain with you and Spencer, and both females look to you with pleading eyes.

"Please tell me how four innocuous words got two supersoldiers to blush like that?" Garcia asks, Emily nodding along with her. "I need to know!"

"Sorry, girls," you tell them. "Those stories get out and I'm dead meat."

The both of them grumble about not getting answers, but move on without fuss. Before you can follow, however, Spencer steps closer to you. "You won't even tell me?" He asks, voice quiet.

You huff. "You already know."

Spencer's answering smile is enough to make you roll your eyes and he's quick to keep pace with you as you enter the building. There are numerous people milling about, but since it's late most of the trainees are in bed. Every piece of furniture and fixture still seems brand spanking new, so you don't blame the BAU team looking around in awe.

Heading into the chosen office, you lead Spencer inside before catching Steve's attention. "I'm gonna let you guys get to work. I'll be setting up in my room if anyone needs me."

No one objects, so after taking your bag from Spencer you take your leave. You leisurely make your way towards the living quarters of the compound and find your room with ease. Opening the door, the familiarity of it brings a tired smile to your face. The lamps have been turned on, awaiting your arrival, and even the TV has been turned on with its volume on low. The walls and bedding is the same as everyone else has, but you know it's your room because of the personal pictures on the dresser and bedside tables.

Since you're going to be staying until the case is over and then probably a couple days more after, you decide to put your clothes in the dresser rather than leave it in your bag for the entire time. After that's done and you've switched your TV to a movie you like, you pick out a standard set of black sleep pants and a blue/gray shirt that every trainee at the compound wears to bed so you can shower before crawling into bed yourself.

You're grateful for the private bathroom and even more grateful to see the products you use already waiting for you. You turn on the water to the shower, grab a towel from the bathroom closet and set it on the counter along with your change of clothes before you start to strip.

You keep your hair in a topknot as you shower since you had washed it earlier that morning, so your shower is over within ten minutes. Then by the time you're dried off and dressed in fresh clothes, and your teeth are brushed, you exit the bathroom.

Stepping into your room, you startle at the sight of Spencer sitting on the small cushioned bench at the foot of your bed. He's staring up at the moving playing, the corner of his lips quirked up in amusement. But at your small gasp, he looks towards you, lips spreading into a fond smile.

"Captain Rogers said it was okay that I wait for you. I don't mean to intrude."

"Spence," you huff a laugh and then continue on towards your bed, "we have keys to each other's apartments and sometimes barge in without warning. I think you waiting in here is more than okay."

"Just needed to make sure," he says, "what with this being a new place and all."

"Mhmm." You sit on the edge of the bed that's right behind the bench, putting your feet on the cushion beside Spencer and practically hug your knees as you stare at him. "How did everyone settle in?"

"E-Everyone's good." Spencer turns sideways, grinning up at you. "We got our own rooms here so we don't have to be back and forth from a hotel. When we left, Garcia was being introduced to the holographic tables and now I don't think she's going to sleep tonight."

You chuckle. "I knew she'd fall prey to all the pretty tech here." He chuckles along with you. "And how did everyone take the news to hearing the details about the case?"

"They're taking it very personally," Spencer tells you. "Mr. Barton even asked to stay on as a consultant. He and agent Romanoff are not very happy."

"Well they might not be as smart as you, Doc, but I think they're going to be a big help. You guys will be out of here in no time with the bad guy in cuffs."

"Is that so?" He muses. You grin and nod. "And if we're out of here in no time, are we still waiting until you go home for that discussion we still need to have?"

"We can table the discussion," you say, "but I really need to do this before I chicken out."

"Do what?"

Without thinking too much more about it, you reach out to cradle Spencer's jaw in the palms of your hands. You bring his face closer to yours, pausing with barely an inch between your lips. It seems he's held his breath in surprise, but when he notices you're waiting for some sort of unspoken permission it's him who closes the gap.

There's nothing heated or rushed about the kiss- it merely being a chaste kiss of several little pecks before he catches your bottom lip between his teeth. You smile, your lip popping free from where it stretches, and you giggle as he leans up to chase your lips.

"Ahem." The interruption causes you to jerk back from Spencer, eyes wide when you catch sight of Bucky leaning against your door jamb and looking quite smug. "Hope I'm not interrupting." You groan, laying your forehead on Spencer's shoulder while he quietly snorts. "So with this new development, does this mean our threesome will now be a foursome?"

You can't help but laugh and sit straight once more so you can see your friend. Unfortunately, the question actually gives you pause and there's a split second where you actually give it thought. But in the next moment your nose wrinkles and you shake your head. "What? No!"

He points at you, eyes gleaming. "You paused! You paused which means that no just turned into a maybe. I'm gonna go tell Stevie we're back in the game!"

"James!" Spencer finally laughs and you groan again when Bucky pushes off the door jamb, whistling as he walks away. "I hate my friends."

"Just wait until Morgan finds out. It'll be worse." Spencer chuckles as you sigh, and he gets up before walking around to the side of your bed. He places his palms down on the mattress, leaning over you to kiss you once more. "I'm gonna go to my room before Sergeant Barnes brings back reinforcements."

"Okay. I'll probably see you around the compound, but I'll do my best to stay out of your hair while you're looking for your unsub."

"Are we still talking after?"

"Of course. Well we can either talk or order in some Chinese and hole up in one of our apartments for a weekend. Your call."

"I like the second option," he says.

"I figured you would." You kiss him one last time and then push against his chest. "Now go. We'll figure things out soon."

[emsvegetables]

27th: you come across something at terushima’s house.

- you’re here to study and chill with him but you spot a little...something on his study table.

no. of words: 1.2k++

okay. i’ve never written much for terushima but i LOVE terushima so much i think he’s actually got much more than meets the eye!!! i hope this made sense and i hope that it’s okay pls forgive me if it isn’t!!!!!!!!!!!! well. this is the last one!!!! yay!

“i swear, your room only gets messier every single time i visit your house,” you wrinkle your nose in distaste when you enter terushima’s room, and you laugh when you spot something on his bed, “is that a hello kitty soft toy?”

terushima laughs from beside you, and shrugs nonchalantly, “my sister gave it to me, so i might as well keep it.”

“cute,” you smile, and nearly slap yourself when the word comes out of your mouth. maybe you were a bit too obvious in your feelings for him.

“thanks, i know,” terushima grins, before picking up some clothes strewn over his bed and throwing them into the laundry basket, and pulling a pillow and patting the bed, “you can sit here.”

“very comfortable,” you comment when you lower yourself onto the bed, and terushima grins at you, “you’re very welcome, only the best for my queen.”

“that’s gross,” you grimace, “and i’m not your queen.”

“of course, ma’am!” he laughs, saluting to you, “ you can scroll through netflix and choose whatever you want to watch. i’m going to get a drink. you want the one that you always get from the vending machine?”

you nod, smiling at him, “yeah, thank you.”

“no problem,” he winks at you, and even though your heart beats a little too fast at that, you stick out your tongue at him and pretend to vomit.

you settle on a studio ghibli movie, and set it to play as you look around the room.

the room was really like terushima.

random posters were pasted everywhere, clothes were strewn on one side of the room, his study table was messy as hell, and no one would’ve guessed that he was one of the top students in the school, but you know that all the assessment books stacked up on the table amount to it.

“i’m back! oh, we’re watching this? cool,” terushima grins at you and passes you the drink, before settling down beside you and resting his head comfortably on your shoulders.

you try to ignore the way your cheeks burn when he does that.

-

“i need to go to the toilet,” terushima announces, standing up to stretch after a while, “i need to shit.”

you scrunch your nose, “gross.”

terushima grins, and flicks your forehead lightly, “be right back!”

you pause the movie when he leaves, and stand up to stretch as well.

when you eye his study table, you wrinkle your nose again.

“i’m packing your study table!” you yell, and you hear terushima muffled “ok!”, and you smile.

you laugh when you see the doodles of the volleyball team on his math textbook, and you snort when you see how he drew your chemistry teacher on a random post-it pad. you’re almost done sorting out the books when something falls out of the biology journal.

you blink when you read what it says.

steps to get (Y/N) to like me / date me:

win her heart with my jokes (search for funny jokes online)

pickup lines? nevermind they don’t actually work i tried it once and (Y/N) laughed at me. it was a pity laugh. not funny. never trying that again.

help her carry things! (okay she smacked me for helping her carry her clipboard but thanked me and smiled at me for helping her carry the waterbottles. so there are certain things i can carry and certain things i cannot.)

tell her she’s beautiful! (she really is!!!! her smile is the prettiest i’ve ever seen and her laugh is the cutest and she’s just so nice to everyone fuck i like her so much)

ask her out? then admit my feelings to her? (i asked her out for lunch and she said sure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but i chickened out and i didn’t confess in the end. i’m such a loser fml)

FIND A WAY TO GET OUT OF THE FRIENDZONE!!! (search how to get out of the friendzone online)

just tell (Y/N) i like her alot, that i’ve liked her for a very long time. she’s just so nice and pretty and i think i love her. (and then she’ll slap me and reject me and hate me for life.)

think of more ideas!!!!!!!!

“hey! i’m back--”

you turn to look at terushima, who falls silent when he sees the note in your hands.

“fuck,” he swears, “okay, you weren’t supposed to see that. can we pretend you didn’t see that? but that probably made you uncomfortable. did that make you uncomfortable? do you hate me? it’s okay if you want to slap me. it’s really okay. do you hate me now? i understand if you hate me, it’s okay if you don’t want to speak to me ever again--”

“terushima,” you say, and he quietens instantly, “sorry, (Y/N).”

“is this true?” you bring up the note in your hands and wave it, and he winces and nods.

“you like me? why?” you ask, and you’re so confused, and terushima instantly straightens up and stares at you.

“what do you mean why?” he asks, sounding offended, “why would i not like you?”

“because i’m...this,” you gesture to yourself, and terushima narrows his eyes.

“what do you mean? (Y/N) you’re literally the sweetest person i know. you always offer to help other people even when you have things to do. you always check on everyone in the team to make sure they’re okay after practice. you always try your best to be nice to other people even when they talk shit about you. you’re literally so sweet, and you’re so pretty, and you’re this amazing person. what do you mean this? why would anyone not like you?” terushima says, and he frowns at you.

“oh,” you say, and terushima turns away from you and exhales out a deep breath.

“it’s okay if you don’t like me back, (Y/N), i just hope i didn’t destroy our friendship,” he finally says after a short pause, and you blink.

“no!” you exclaim, and terushima looks up, “no, yuuji—i like you too.”

terushima lets out a noise of surprise, “are you serious?”

“yeah,” you say, and a smile breaks out on his face immediately, and he runs forward to pull you into a hug.

“can i kiss you?” he asks, and you laugh, “why are you even asking? just do it.”

“i’m just making sure,” he says, and you laugh again, before leaning in to meet his lips.

-

“by the way, yuuji?” you say, while his head is resting on your shoulders and your fingers are laced with his.

“hmm?”

“i’m keeping the note.”

“why?” he looks at you, affronted, “is that for future blackmail purposes?”

you laugh, “that, and it’s cute.”

terushima pouts, “i don’t like you anymore.”

“you’re lying.”

“i’m lying,” he agrees, and grins at you as he presses a kiss to your cheek.

back to my fluffvember masterlist!

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