#I WANNA DO DRUG WITH MY NEIGHBOR AND INSTEAD I HAVE LONG COVID

[natandacat]

btw im feeling a lot today bc my neighbor is having a bbq and i really wanna go but i had to lie and say i was working bc everyone there is a hardcore party goer and theres too many covid cases rn so even in an outdoor setting i would need to mask and that crowd would be super weirded out by my n95 and also it would suck bc i wouldnt even be able to eat. anyway. being at risk is like living in purgatory while 99% of the population literally doesnt care.

[vers-1]

Hey just a couple things to note- very out of context things during the trip

*talking about that queen of dragons or whoever from got and her hair that everyone seems to be getting “even the gays” (whispers)

“Slay… yass” a 10 year old I just met to me

Remember how I said this trip was physically taxing on me.. yea my back is ripped to shreds- those dogs have sharp claws

I fell down half a stair case. The floors are very clean and my socks have no grip, now I wear slippers

Shitty white shirt I got on a whim but it’s like $5 so nice

Head band like soul’s. I’m just a little weeb

I thought it was a minion blanket and then I thought it was SpongeBob and now I think it’s an airplane but I’m not sure because I never really took a good look at it

Kids are so talkative. Or maybe they just want to talk. You let them and they will tell you all about their special interest and because you listened they will stick to you like a fly on a fly trap. It’s funny but also I wanna go sleep

I mentioned going to bed and she was like ok and followed me into my room to keep talking and every time she was like ok I’ll let you sleep she’s turn around and go “and another thing” lmao, to be fair I kno I do that sometimes too

Green bones don’t melt

Everyone forgot that he got a hip replacement and when they saw the titanium him they were all like oh did-did we roast the wrong one?

Why do my little cousins have a better love life than me? You win some you lose some? I have been on a pretty long loosing streak

Puppies!! So many babies

There’s a neighbor pig that will be raised until Christmas

I was kinda freaked out at first. I was scared actually to look at the body. I saw it at a distance so I knew he was there. When my dad beckoned me over I was able to move forward. It’s a strange feeling. You feel like at any moment he’ll wake up and jump up at you, but you know he’s gone. People really do have a glow about them. His light was really gone

Maybe I should get the md instead of the phd. So that there a doctor in the family to give drugs when you need it. Cause it is so convenient actually

I think I still would have been gay if I didn’t immigrate. Just the way I am you know?

I’m sorry psych majors i think Freud would have liked me… yo btw not anymore ok guys I was a kid.. but verdict still stands

Bloom into you still slaps. Not to be that kid but I read it before it was popular. Now that I’m older and my comprehension skills are sharper I realize she was such a brat like the biggest. And everyone was like oh she’s perfect oh she’s flawed oh she’s smart and mature.. guys she’s also delusional, you aren’t that sneaky you little bitch(affectionate)

There’s something so humiliating and vulnerable about speaking my native language(that I should know but don’t, but is practicing) in public. Like I’d say simple things like how much and yes and no thanks and one burger please. And they kno what I’m saying and they understand. But also I kno I’m not saying it right. It’s such a cool feeling tho almost addictive but inside I die a little when my words slur

Where is that Eren erection figurine??

I don’t need lotion here

It’s hot and humid here

I got bit by one mosquito

Pls don’t let me be positive

Monkey pox is the worst. At least Covid has the decency to not make you ugly if you’re infected

Black phone was scary in a way you didn’t expect it

Chestnuts roasting on an open a bunch of really hot rocks

I swear to you the intrusive thoughts should have won today. Those rocks were the most pebble I’ve ever seen and I knew in my hearts heart they were gonna be so hot. When my dad put the chestnut in my hand I felt the sun. I’m glad they took it off immediately. Glad they let me try

I can’t spell immediately, soldier, obviously, and other words in a first try. I use these words so much too

[txicgf]

im finally reaching a year that my little kid brain was like 'pfft that's not a real year' and it's the yr i was SUPPOSED to graduate (class of 2022 poggers) altho I'm graduating next yr bc covid and being a chronic disappointment but whatever im a bit faded now so im in a GREAT mood and im just happy to spend new years with my baby puppy so we're okay now i realize the only thing i was getting in my feelings about is not getting weed which is fucking dumb and some druggie bullshit that i don't want to exemplify at all (i do not in any way mean this in an 'addicts r bad!!!! >:(' way because they r simply ppl struggling with something and i really really hate the culture we have about drug addicts it makes me so mad that people preach love thy neighbor but the minute that it's someone. chronically using something to make them stop feeling like shit. they're like demons. like no that's not it and also addiction is a fucking disease lmao im rambling cause I'm drunk and have a lot of thoughts about this but the crux of what I'm saying is i simply mean this statement in the sense that i don't wanna be a person who's solely focused on getting high and shaping my personality around that because ppl who do that give me secondhand embarrassment about being a stoner and also i really don't want people to think about me using substances at all so i can keep using them as much as i want and also it's embarrassing lmao this post has just become these parentheses im gonna finish the para these s but im not gonna continue the post bc i forgot what i was talking about lol oh wait i totally remember nvm bye gonna continue the post i have acid reflux bc of the champagne duck) but like otherwise nothing has changed and as long as i am intoxicated for the rest of the night I'm vibing. may watch movies witu my parents because while it was weird when my mom gave me the unsolicited foot massage (idrc about this but i think it's hilarious to say) i think it wasn't the worst hanging out with them, i mean they're my parents loL but idk im low energy today. should've spent my social energy today instead of yesterday w them. smh

[rosalies-rage]

folklore x Twilight: An Analysis

folklore's lyrics match Twilight uncannily well and here’s proof! 

my tears ricochet - Rosalie

We gather here, we line up, weepin' in a sunlit room And if I'm on fire, you'll be made of ashes, too Even on my worst day, did I deserve, babe All the hell you gave me? 'Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you 'Til my dying day I didn't have it in myself to go with grace And you're the hero flying around, saving face And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake? Cursing my name, wishing I stayed Look at how my tears ricochet We gather stones, never knowing what they'll mean Some to throw, some to make a diamond ring You know I didn't want to have to haunt you But what a ghostly scene You wear the same jewels that I gave you As you bury me

And I can go anywhere I want Anywhere I want, just not home And you can aim for my heart, go for blood But you would still miss me in your bones And I still talk to you (When I'm screaming at the sky) And when you can't sleep at night (You hear my stolen lullabies)

Rosalie would sing this to her murderer/fiancé at her funeral as he goes around being the ‘hero’ and ‘saving face’. She’s ‘screaming at the sky’ because he has stolen the one thing she really wanted from her ‘anywhere I want, just not home’. Even though she loved him ‘til [her] dying day’, she can never forgive and has no choice but to haunt him.

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exile - Edward in New Moon

I think I’ve seen this film before And I didn’t like the ending You’re not my homeland anymore So what am I defending now? You were my town, now I’m in exile seein’ you out We always walked a very thin line You didn’t even hear me out (You didn’t even hear me out) You never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs) All this time I never learned to read your mind (Never learned to read my mind)

Edward leaves in New Moon because he believes he and his world are too dangerous for Bella, exiling himself indefinitely. They had ‘always walked a very thin line’ as he tried to be with her without harming her, and he literally ‘never learned to read [her] mind’. Now he’s left and can’t do what he wanted to do, i.e protect her (’what am I defending now?’).

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august - Jacob

Salt air, and the rust on your door I never needed anything more Whispers of “Are you sure?” “Never have I ever before”

Back when we were still changin' for the better Wanting was enough For me, it was enough To live for the hope of it all Canceled plans just in case you'd call And say, "Meet me behind the mall" So much for summer love and saying "us" 'Cause you weren't mine to lose You weren't mine to lose, no

Your back beneath the sun Wishin' I could write my name on it Will you call when you're back at school? I remember thinkin' I had you

Bella and Jacob start spending time together in the ‘salt air’ by La Push beach fixing beaten-up motorbikes (’rust’). Jacob knows Bella isn’t interested in him but lives in hope (’to live for the hope of it all’) and by the time the Cullens come back he’s convinced he could win Bella’s loyalties (’I remember thinkin’ I had you’). It doesn’t take place in summer, but it is a brief, intense fling that lifts Bella from her Edward-induced winter, and Bella calls Jacob her personal ‘sun’. In the end, though, Bella tells Jacob that there was never really a choice between him and Edward; it was always going to be Edward (’You weren’t mine to lose’). 

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invisible string - Alice & Jasper

And isn't it just so pretty to think All along there was some Invisible string Tying you to me?

Something wrapped all of my past mistakes in barbed wire Chains around my demons Wool to brave the seasons One single thread of gold Tied me to you

Alice woke up as a vampire with no memory of her past - all she had was her psychic abilities, which were an ‘invisible string’ leading her directly to Jasper. On Jasper’s side, he was living a brutal life training newborn armies until Alice found him and ‘wrapped all of [his] past mistakes in barbed wire’, putting ‘chains around his demons’ and leading him to a better life. You could also interpret it as his journey to chaining his inner monster that wants to kill humans when he goes to live with the Cullens.

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epiphany - Carlisle

Something med school did not cover Someone's daughter, someone's mother Holds your hand through plastic now "Doc, I think she's crashing out" And some things you just can't speak about

Only twenty minutes to sleep But you dream of some epiphany Just one single glimpse of relief To make some sense of what you've seen

This song describes the experience of medical staff during the COVID-19 pandemic, and Carlisle was a doctor during the last major pandemic (Spanish Flu in 1918), which is where he turned Edward. A religious man, he searches for an ‘epiphany’ from God while he grapples with the decision to consign another person to a life of vampirism and tries to understand whether or not he still has a soul.

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mad woman - Rosalie

Do you see my face in the neighbor's lawn? Does she smile? Or does she mouth, "Fuck you forever"? And there's nothing like a mad woman What a shame she went mad No one likes a mad woman You made her like that And you'll poke that bear 'til her claws come out And you find something to wrap your noose around

They say “move on” but you know I won’t

I'm taking my time, taking my time 'Cause you took everything from me

Rosalie is filled with anger and bitterness over her murder. She’s cast in a bad light particularly because she’s an angry, ‘mad woman’ but she explains that her murderers ‘made her like that’ when they ‘took everything from [her]’, and in return she ‘[took her] time’ when killing them to make sure they knew she was coming.

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cardigan - Bella on Jacob

And when I felt like I was an old cardigan, under someone’s bed  You put me on and said I was your favorite  You drew stars around my scars But now I’m bleedin’

Bella was destroyed after Edward left, feeling that he’d taken most of her with him and was just discarded like an unwanted toy (’I felt like I was an old cardigan, under someone’s bed’). Then she started hanging out with Jacob and his friendship (’I was your favorite’) started to heal - or at least disguise - the hole in her chest (’You drew stars around my scars’). But then he left, too, when the werewolf transformation happened, which left her ‘bleeding’. It turned out she wasn’t really healed, she’d just been papering over the gap with Jacob’s love.

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illicit affairs - Edward & Bella as tragic fated lovers

Tell yourself you can always stop What started in beautiful rooms  Ends in meetings in parking lots It’s born from just one single glance but it dies and it dies and it dies A million little times 

Leave no trace behind, like they don’t even exist

When Edward first becomes enamored with Bella and wants to get closer to her, he convinces himself he can always stop - but he can’t. The more time he spends with her, the more doomed he is. When Bella gets hurt because of him, first in Twilight and then in New Moon, he disappears in hopes of keeping her safe and hides all the presents he gave her (’leave no trace behind’). 

And you wanna scream Don't call me "kid," don't call me "baby" Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me You showed me colors you know I can't see with anyone else Don't call me "kid," don't call me "baby" Look at this idiotic fool that you made me You taught me a secret language I can't speak with anyone else

A dwindling mercurial high A drug that only worked the first few hundred times

And you know damn well For you, I would ruin myself A million little times

This part is Bella’s response. When he left, he took away this entire paranormal world he’d introduced her to (‘You taught me a secret language I can’t speak with anyone else’), leaving her to think she’s gone insane because not only has she lost the love of her life, all traces of an entire extra world have disappeared. She wants him to stop patronising her by saying she’ll move on like mortals do (’Don’t call me kid, don’t call me baby, look at this godforsaken mess that you made me’). Desperate to get some sense that he’s still there, she starts doing risky stunts like motorbike racing and jumping off a cliff (’A dwindling mercurial high’). Like she told him in the meadow scene in the first book, she is willing to die for him, and we see in New Moon that he feels the same way (‘you know damn well / For you I would ruin myself, a million little times’). The only way for them to stay apart would’ve been to never meet in the first place.

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seven - Rosalie on her childhood friend Vera

Please picture me in the trees I hit my peak at seven Feet in the swing over the creek I was too scared to jump in But I, I was high in the sky With Pennsylvania under me Are there still beautiful things? Sweet tea in the summer Cross your heart, won't tell no other And though I can't recall your face I still got love for you Your braids like a pattern Love you to the Moon and to Saturn Passed down like folk songs The love lasts so long

Before I learned civility I used to scream ferociously Any time I wanted

Rosalie fondly recalls her human life and her best friend Vera, who had the normal life she never got. This ‘love lasts so long’ even though Vera is dead by now because Rosalie still remembers her, even if her human memories are fuzzy and she can’t necessarily ‘recall [her] face’. Also, Rosalie was always valued only for her beauty, but maybe she ‘hit [her] peak at seven’ because her beauty hadn’t yet started overshadowing her personhood and she was still able to ‘scream ferociously’ at that age instead of being the girl and young woman who had to learn ‘civility’ and be married off to a rich man.

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hoax - Bella in New Moon

My only one My smoking gun My eclipsed sun This has broken me down My twisted knife My sleepless night My winless fight This has frozen my ground Stood on the cliffside screaming, "Give me a reason" Your faithless love's the only hoax I believe in Don't want no other shade of blue but you No other sadness in the world would do  My best laid plan Your sleight of hand My barren land I am ash from your fire  You know I left a part of me back in New York You knew the hero died so what's the movie for? You knew it still hurts underneath my scars From when they pulled me apart

Bella’s ‘eclipsed sun’ has disappeared and left her ‘broken’, ‘sleepless’ and believing she has no way to win him back. She literally goes and stands on a ‘cliffside’ before jumping off just to see a hallucination of his face - Edward, a mythical creature, is the ‘only hoax she believes in’. Even though he’s hurt her and broken her heart, she ‘don’t want no other shade of blue but you’. He thinks he’s saving her from harm by leaving, but the scar from James still bothers her, i.e. his leaving cannot protect her as the damage has been done (’You know it still hurts underneath my scars’) and now Edward has just added emotional scars that ‘pulled [her] apart’ and left a gaping hole in her chest.

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peace - Edward & Bella in Breaking Dawn

I never had the courage of my convictions As long as danger is near And it’s just around the corner darlin Coz it lives in me No, I could never give you peace

Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?

Throughout the series, Edward has been afraid to get too close to Bella for fear of hurting her (’danger is near’, ‘it lives in me’). Now he finally has to accept that she’s not going anywhere and value her choice. Even after he’s no longer a threat to her directly, their life is full of challenges like the Volturi. It’s impossible to guarantee her safety, and she doesn’t want him to - she wants to be in his world as an equal. He comes to terms with the fact that it’s okay if he can ‘never give [her] peace’.

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