#I WISH I COULD GIVE THIS GU YA BAD REVIEW

[incorrectlumityquotes]

FULL REVIEWS: “Enchanting Grom Fright”

The hype for this episode was unreal. We got the crew telling us that we weren’t ready on social media. It was a madhouse. To think that the little ship that could would have this big a leap in canon is unreal. Let’s just get to it.

The cold open starts with Luz trying to find more glyphs in her off time. I thinks it really shows her development so far. Now she’s willing to do the work to figure out her kind of magic, as oppose to say episode two where she just wanted to be great because she was “chosen.”

“My glyph skills are blossoming”

But then reality ensues...

Using the portal to let the wifi signal into The Owl House is not the dumbest reason I’ve heard to open an interdimensional portal between worlds but it is one of the most mundane. SOMEHOW, Luz can still receive texts from her mom FROM ANOTHER WORLD. Not that it makes too much of a difference since Luz barely answers them. 

As much fun as it is to focus on the magic and the shipping and the friendship and the curse, Luz still knows that she’s still lying to her mom. The guilt is there, but luckily being a main character keeps her too busy to think about it.

“Luz, time to fill that darling head of yours with...huuh huuh huuh HAKKK, mmm, mmm, mmh, delicious knowledge.”

Never change, Hooty.

It’s that time of year again that Luz doesn’t know about yet, Grom: The Boiling Isles’ weird version of prom. Every fantasy world has one. 

*hiss*

Amity bumps into Luz, and I know this is going to sound weird, but I really like Amity’s “Watch it, nitwit.” Amity’s character has changed and developed from our perspective which is the perspective of Luz and The Owl House fam. But she’s not a completely different character. Amity still has a bit of a temper and gets agitated easily. It makes sense to me and I’m glad I haven’t found anyone be like “Hey if Amity is nicer, why did she get mad when she bumped into someone?” 

Amity is nicer to Luz and co. because she’s gotten to know Luz and co. You don’t treat everyone in your life the same. Amity is one of those people that you need to defrost with first. Belief is backed up by experience and so are people’s personas. (Not that persona. I’m being serious here.) Because of Amity’s experiences, she’s believed that in order to survive she has to put people at arm’s length, then when she gets to know you, she’ll decide if she wants to let you in or not. So I guess that means that based on her interactions with Luz, Amity has decided...

You know what? I’ll save that for my Lumity meta.

The popular theory is that Amity was going to put her note in Luz’s locker, hence why she bumped into them. But actually seeing Luz and being announced as grom queen probably made her lose her nerve.

“Embrace your dreams...”

Amity is announced to be this year’s grom queen. Luz is happy for her before Amity runs in shock and embarrassment. Okay.

Luz discovers the gym’s weapons cache (not a thing I thought I would ever type) and Amity explains grom. Since Luz is from the human world and all that.

Grom is a monster that lives under the school and needs to be defeated every year so it doesn’t invade the town. It’s a classic shape-shifting fear monster. Odd are I have (and so have you) at least seen three or four of these in our lives already. Amity doesn’t want to show the entire school her greatest fear, especially since she already knows what it is. Luz suggest talking to Bump and Amity says she’ll try.

Another scene of Eda and King laughing and mocking Luz. Because I liked it so much the first time.

Eda gets dressed up herself because she’s volunteered to chaperone grom. Luz tells her that Amity is grom queen but wishes that she could take her place. We get...you know and Luz walks off. 

“I think we should kiss to ease the tension.”

Luz randomly meets up with Amity in the woods because I guess Amity had the same idea to take a walk to clear her head. Whatever. Amity tells Luz that Bump wasn’t going to change his mind unless Amity found a replacement. Luz volunteers because...she’s Luz, friend to all.

Except maybe that spider.

Top 10 Anime Betrayals

The Blight Siblings try to help Luz train against grom only for Eda to find out about their little plan. Here’s where we find out why Eda volunteered to chaperone a Hexside event even though she hates that place:

“What’s the fun in watching a kid get eaten by a monster if it’s my kid?”

That’s hilarious. To me. 

Luz and Amity have a moment before Luz’s debut and Amity thanks Luz for everything she’s done. They have more adorable banter before Luz takes the stage. 

“Wish me luck.”

“Luck.”

I’m guessing that’s not an expression in The Boiling Isles.

Luz faces Grom and it seems to be going better than everyone predicted until...you know

“Mija, this would be such a good shot for the trailer.”

Yup, we all predicted this. Luz’s greatest fear is her mom finding out that she’s been lying to her. Luz panics and takes off with Eda and Amity to chase after her.

Eda comes in for the save when Amity bursts in the scene saying “Boy let me tell you what.” She doesn’t really I just like saying that. You know, in my head. I mean, if you heard the way I was saying it out loud you’d probably think it was funny too but you know...text.

Grom gets a hold of Amity and transforms into her greatest fear. And we see why Amity didn’t want to face Grom in front of the whole school. She didn’t want everyone to see that Amity’s fear is very...emotional. Not physical. She’s not afraid of a giant spider or anything. It’s a little closer to the heart.

Amity clutching at her dress like a little kid is both the cutest and the saddest thing. This fear of hers is so bad it makes this fourteen year old feel like she’s four. I’m so sure she was about to cry right there. Or maybe that’s me. Could be both.

Luz picks up the note and discovers that Amity was trying to ask somebody out before she was announced as grom queen. Amity was afraid of being rejected. Luz tries to ease her fears by asking her out to grom. 

Trying seeing it from Luz’s point of view. She has no idea who Amity wants to ask out. Luz doesn’t even consider that it could be her because again, belief is backed by experience. Luz was considered a weirdo with no friends in the human world. She even said earlier in the episode that she got kicked out of her last school dance for dressing like an otter. Luz has no reason to believe that someone would like her romantically. She would like to. It is a fantasy of hers, but her experience tells her that other people don’t see her that way so she doesn’t consider that Amity wanted to ask Luz out.

I’ll save the rest for another blog post, although I did talk about this last year too.

But since Amity did want to ask Luz out and Luz asked her out instead, Amity’s fears are eased. Grom does what every fear monster does when their target overcomes their fears and says “Screw it, I’m just going to kick your ass!”

And then this happens:

As a Star vs the Forces of Evil fan, let me just say this is our Blood Moon Ball moment. The moment that the show tells the audience in John Oliver’s voice, “Yup this is the ship we’re doing so strap in folks.”

Luz and Amity work together to combine magic to take down Grom. It also helps that they eased each others’ fears. Luz can’t think about her mom if she’s focused on helping Amity. 

Luz and Amity defeat Grom in a blaze of glory. Luz being Luz, decides to ask Amity who she wanted to ask out just to see if she would tell you. Amity brushes it off.

“It doesn’t matter. After all, I already got to dance with the girl I like.”

Everyone celebrates but when Luz gets home she’s more tired than anything.

Maybe it was Grom, but Luz decides to give her mom a real answer. It’s been tough but it’s also been fun. There are good and bad days. Sometimes she feels like she doesn’t belong. But she has friends. They care about her, she cares about them, and that’s more than enough reason to stay. 

THEN THIS SHIT HAPPENS!

Yeah, the Meteora moment in Star vs the Forces of Evil. The moment where the show went “Never mind that shit. Here comes a complete change in the status quo.” 

Someone or something is sending Luz’s mom letters. It’s Luz’s handwriting, but it’s clearly not Luz since she can’t spell her name right. Season one already finished and we still have no idea what this is. 

I was all happy a second ago. Now I’m nervous as all hell. It’s a madhouse I tells ya. A madhouse!

FINAL SCORE: 5 - LOVED IT!

Wow. Just wow. This episode had everything. Jokes, plot, romance, character development, cameos, dancing, girls, MOM(?), crashing on your couch because technically I’m homeless.

I shipped Lumity before this, but this was the episode that told me that yes it was going to happen. We’re all in. 

But it’s not perfect.

Yeah, did any of you noticed that I didn’t even mention the B-plot? I’m going to be honest. The reason is...

I hate it.

I hate the B-plot so much that I skip it every time I watch this episode. I still don’t think Gus is that funny or interesting. Hell, Skara’s mini plot with her date and/or boyfriend was funnier.

But everything else about the episode more than outshines the B-plot so I still give it a five.

Next time we finish up the lumity trilogy next time.

Dammit I said next time twice.

[humanityinahandbag]

GRU, YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKING MORON (or, a review on Despicable Me 2)

Since a lot of people have been asking me my opinion (and let me start this off by saying that yes, I did like the movie so please keep that in mind) I finally took the time to write down my thoughts on the second movie in Illumination’s blockbuster hit of its Despicable Me series. 

So, what are my thoughts? 

Beyond a shred of doubt, I am absolutely certain that this movie was not as good as the first one. And why might that be? I wanted to do a huge rant about this and that and such and such and go on and on about writing and symbolism and everything big and boring, but really, it can all be summed up in one simple answer:

The storylines are separate. 

The reason why the first movie worked so well was because two different stories, each containing a character or group of characters, (in this case, Gru and the girls) battled against one another in order to become one cohesive storyline. 

And in the end, they did that! They became one story. The girls got a dad, the dad got daughters, and it was all wrapped up. The plots worked, the writing was, while not without flaws, neatly organized, and everything was handled well. 

In Despicable Me 2, this was not the case. 

First of all, there are way too many stories going on. Don’t know what I’m talking about? Well, let me show you. 

Despicable Me (The First)

The Girls

Gru

Plan to take the moon

Parenthood

The main villain in the story didn’t even have a plot. He blended seamlessly into Gru’s plotline. 

Now look at this. 

Despicable Me 2

The Girls

Gru

Lucy

The Mall

The Serum

The hot topic generic boyfriend

The villain

The spy gig

Gru+Lucy

Nefario

The motherfucking Minions (tell me why they got their own plot again!?)

That’s 11, ELEVEN, plots minimum going on in this movie. And most of them do not actually end up meeting in the middle. 

Simplicity is what makes for a good story. Characters are driven by goals and, succeed or not, they cannot be driven from them. This movie had no goals because each and every character had a goal. 

Wanna know why Up worked? Because Carl had a goal, Russel helped him achieve it, and the rest of the characters were a part of the process that distracted and challenged him while he kept trying to continue.

Toy Story?

Two toys with different goals end up ultimately on the same path to reach the same conclusion. 

Twilight even had a fucking goal! That’s why it worked! Even if I didn’t like it, it still had its shit together. 

Bella has a goal. Edward does too. They work against each other but ultimately end up falling in love and therefore end up on the same track. The family is included to an extent, Jacob is the obstacle, and by the end, they're part of the same storyline. 

Despicable Me 2 made me use Twilight as an example. 

TWILIGHT.

Gru and Lucy? They BARELY meet the girls’ plot line. In fact, Lucy only sees the girls TWICE in the movie. Once in the mall and once at the fucking WEDDING. TWICE! IN THE WHOLE. ENTIRE. MOVIE! And while the plot of the last film was about Gru and his daughters (that’s right, remember that? He’s a FATHER!? Don’t worry if you didn’t remember. I forgot once in a while too...) this one focuses so much on Gru and Lucy that it actually sort of forgets itself!

THEY ARE A CRUCIAL PART OF HIS CHARACTER. 

AND THAT WAS FUCKING LEFT OUT!

What if you’d done that in, let’s say, Coraline. The movie, not the book (though you should read it it’s so fucking great). If you’d just, I don’t know, left the Other Mother out. What if she only appeared twice and it was all just a way for Coraline to discover her true affections for that weird kid that wasn’t in the book. 

You would have hated that movie. 

Because the Other Mother is crucial to her development as a character. So much so that she’s often times identified by that relationship. It’s not a bad thing. In fact, it’s a good thing. Her goal is to sever that relationship in order to form her own identity. And she does.

They apparently forgot that relationships and character identity through interaction is a thing in this film... 

Did you at all notice that the only scenes with Gru and the girls ACTIVELY together was at bedtime (no stories this time... wow... that whole plot point went out the window) and to talk about either dating or mothers.

So these girls have no substance other than to act like his personal fodder for dating. Wonderful. Just what a group of girls would do. You know. Besides school... playing... hanging out with friends... doing fun things... living life in general...

The writing focused so much on the relationship that it had no time to even present the other relationships that were crucial to Gru’s character. 

Do you know HOW COOL it would have been to see Lucy hang out with ALL OF THEM!? To see a supervillain interacting with a group of KIDS!?

WHEN I FIRST HEARD THE BITS OF THE PLOT, I WAS SURE THAT THAT’S WHAT IT WOULD BE! That this agency was after Gru, and that they were sending their top agent to investigate, only to find out that he was actually not that bad, and that they could use him to help them thwart another villain! And everything is constantly interrupted by the fact that he has to get back to his kids!

HOW PERFECT WOULD THAT HAVE BEEN!?

SO. FUCKING. PERFECT. 

But no. They gave us too many plots, too many characters, and too many relationships. And they tried too hard to give each and every one of these equal attention. Which isn’t possible. Only two are important. Lucy and Gu, and Gur and the Girls. And these two, like the movie before it, needed to find a way to merge. 

And they didn’t. 

And you know where this is most evident?

In the scene where Gru is saving Lucy on a fucking shark. 

Look. I know that you’ve got the hots for this chick, Gru. I get it. Okay? Well... I don’t get it. But... whatever. You’ve got feelings. We’ve all got feelings for something. Personally, I’d do anything for my dog, my books, and my george foreman grill. 

But are you forgetting one little thing?

Just one...

little...

thing...?

Oh that’s right. 

You’re a single dad. 

And up until about a year ago, your children were... what’s the word? It’s at the tip of my tongue! Oh drat my forgetful mind! What. could. it. be...

[Snap] I got it!

ORPHANS

THEY WERE ORPHANS, GRU

WHICH MEANS THEY HAD NO PARENTS

WHICH MEANS THEY WERE IN THE SYSTEM AFTER ALL THEIR PARENTS LEFT OR DIED. 

WHICH IS NOW

who...

oh. right. 

YOU, YA MORON. 

When I saw this in theaters I almost threw my fucking popcorn at the screen. What was he thinking! Of course she’s important! But send the minions! Send Nefario! Send ANYONE ELSE. 

BUT DO NOT. SAY. “WE’RE MIGHT NOT COME OUT OF THIS ALIVE” before asking this lady out and act like that’s the MOST IMPORTANT THING HERE

NO

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING HERE IS THE CHILDREN WHO ARE WAITING ON THE GROUND FOR YOU TO QUITE POSSIBLY NOT COME BACK, INEVITABLY PUTTING THEM BACK INTO A HORRIBLE SYSTEM OF FOSTER CARE. 

gru you absolute fucking moron. 

Look. I loved this movie. I did. I thought it was funny. And well animated. And gorgeous to look at. The body diversity and colors were incredible and the movement and range of emotions and expressions were so much more fluid and well executed than the first. They really stepped up. 

But bad writing is bad writing. And too many plots make for knots in the story. And this story had its knots. 

I wish that it was different. But it wasn’t. So all I can hope for now is that the newest movie takes a breath, steps back, erases about ten million of the plots they might be ready to dump into their script, and figures out the best and most meaningful way to put a story together. Because oh boy... I do not want Gru or anyone else being part of a scene that has them leaving behind some kids and shrugging it off like it’s nothing ever again just because they want a ticket to Bone Town USA. 

No. Fucking. Way. 

Despicable Me, you’re still on my list of favorite franchises. But come up. You can do so much better than this. 

[wbwest]

New Post has been published on WilliamBruceWest.com

New Post has been published on http://www.williambrucewest.com/2017/06/23/west-week-ever-pop-culture-review-62317/

West Week Ever: Pop Culture In Review - 6/23/17

  It’s gonna be a quick one this week, as I’ve got too much real life stuff going on. Plus, there was a lot of little news, but no big whammy.

Last Saturday I took in Awesome Con which, in its fifth year, was being held at the Washington Convention Center. Normally I’m all about con reports. You’ll see my cosplay pics, and hear about all the stuff I bought. Not so much this time around. I don’t know what it was, but it didn’t feel very Awesome this year. I hate cons that are filled to capacity (like NYCC), but I felt like this one could’ve been better attended. Sure, there were a lot of folks there, but I still bet they fell short of the numbers that had been expected. No cosplay really caught my eye. There were only, like, 7 comic vendors. The show really doesn’t seem to know if it’s a pop culture con, like a Wizard World show, or if it’s a comic-con for the DC area, rivaling Baltimore’s.

It wasn’t all bad, though. I got to hang out with my buds @KeithDavidsen and @ClassickMateria, plus I had a great conversation with 2/3 of the 3 Black Geeks Podcast. Oh, and I totally gushed over Christopher Hastings, who currently writes I Am Groot and The Unbelievable Gwenpool for Marvel. I’ve been a fan of his since his indie series, The Adventures of Dr. McNinja, and I’m a huge Gwenpool fan. I pretty much went just to meet him, and he was totally gracious and nice. Meanwhile, I was gonna confront Scott Snyder and get him to sign my Dark Days: The Forge book. And then ask him why he blocked me on Twitter. But the stars were not aligned, as his line was capped before I got there. I suppose it was for the best. So, while lacking in awesome, there’s still room for improvement, and I’m sure I’ll be right back there next year.

While a lot of folks are getting excited about it, I have some problems with the way Netflix’s The Defenders series is being marketed. Something seems off with the tone of everything. See that poster above? As I remarked on Twitter, it looks like a TV Guide ad for a show Fox canceled in 1994. I can hear the promo now: “The Defenders, followed by an all-new New York Undercover. Thursday, at 8/7 Central.” There’s nothing about it that *pops*, and it just looks so pedestrian. Are they a rag tag group of NYC street-level heroes, or is it a coming of age drama about 3 guys and a girl trying to make it in New York City? I still have 3 more seasons of Marvel Netflix shows to catch up on before I can even watch this, so maybe I’m not the target audience. It’s just all so formulaic now, though. “Hey, look – a hallway fight!”

We finally got a premiere date for the long-delayed Star Trek: Discovery, bowing September 24th at 8:30 on both CBS and CBS All Access. What’s with the 8:30 start time, though? I guess we’ll get some kind of half-assed, 30-minute Trek retrospective before the show. And, taking a page from cable shows, the season will be split in two, with the first 8 episodes airing in the fall, while the remaining 7 will air starting in January. I couldn’t be less excited for this show. So many damn hoops to jump through, so many broken promises regarding its premiere date. At this point, I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if they requested a blood sample before allowing you to watch it. That’s how crazy this has become. What was once thought to become the most pirated series of all time, I’m now starting to think most of us aren’t even gonna bother.

I had no clue that Phil Lord and Chris Miller were the directors on the Han Solo film (how’d I miss that?), and I would’ve told anyone who’d listen that they were a terrible choice – which is why I’m not surprised that they were fired this week, citing “creative differences”. Sure, The Lego Movie was great. The Jump Street franchise was great. But I don’t see them fitting into the “Star Wars vision” that Kathleen Kennedy clearly has. They would’ve given us something great and entertaining, but I don’t know if it would’ve been a “Star Wars movie”. Then again, I’m not the biggest Star Wars fan, so what do I know. I’d like to think there’s room to do a lot of stuff in that franchise, but I just don’t see their style fitting into what’s already been established. And then Ron Howard was announced as their replacement. I really don’t know how I feel about this. I mean, gifted director, but this seems sort of out of his wheelhouse. Any of y’all have strong thoughts either way?

Meanwhile, somebody needs to make up their mind about whether these Spider-Man spinoffs are gonna be set in the MCU or not. We were basically told that only Spider-Man was crossing over, and even that’s been threatened as a possible one-time deal. But then Amy Pascal did a press junket earlier this week, where she danced around the matter, saying that the Spider-Man spinoffs would build upon the world that is being carefully crafted, leading some to believe they might actually be set in the MCU. That’s how some folks saw it. I just saw it as Pascal trying to keep her job. I guess time will tell. Meanwhile, Spider-Man Homecoming 2 is already being discussed (which I hope is called Spider-Man: Sadie Hawkins Dance), and there will reportedly be a cameo by another MCU character who’s not Iron Man. Keep it in your pants, boys. Let’s see how this one does first, OK?

Song of the Week

Yup, it’s a Taylor Swift song, but it’s NOT sung by Taylor. She gave this song to Little Big Town, who have ridden it to #1. It’s got her trademark juvenile lyrics, but I still think it’s beautiful. I kinda wish I didn’t know she wrote it, but I think that was part of the push that got it to #1. Anyway, here’s “Better Man”.

Things You Might Have Missed This Week

Shonda Rhimes had to fail eventually, which is why her summer Shakespeare series, Still Star-Crossed, has been moved to Saturday after 3 low-rated episodes. Stick a fork in that turkey!

Speaking of dead shows, CMT couldn’t make the numbers work to revive Last Man Standing, so the sitcom is officially dead

Dule Hill’s real-life fiancee, Ballers actress Jazmyn Simon, will play Gus’ love interest in the Psych reunion movie

Apparently Nickelodeon is prepping a one-hour reunion, called Rocko’s Modern Life: Static Cling. I didn’t have cable growing up, but I know this means something to some of you.

Virginia Madsen won’t be back for season 2 of Designated Survivor. I was kinda hoping she and Kiefer would bang, so now I have the sads…

Six cast members are out at Taken, amid a major shake-up prior to season 2. I guess you could say they didn’t have the right set of skills.

They’re teasing a Downton Abbey movie for 2018. I hope it’s called Downton Abbey: Matthew’s Revenge!

There are rumors that Damon Lindelof is in talks to do a Watchmen TV series for HBO. That network is really into dongs lately, so I guess this is a perfect fit.

Daniel Henney is shifting his Criminal Minds: Beyond Borders character over the main Criminal Minds series, following the former’s cancellation. Remember that when your CBS-watching grandpa asks you where he’s seen that “Oriental fella” before…

The CW is interested in a Supernatural spinoff called Wayward Sisters, which would star recurring guest star Kim Rhodes. I don’t watch Supernatural, but she was Zack & Cody’s hot mom, so I’m a supporter of giving her more work!

After a thorough investigation, Warner Bros found no evidence of misconduct on the set of Bachelor In Paradise, and production has resumed on the season. Now it’ll probably be the most-watched season of the show, but there’s no way they saw that coming, right? Right?

As a reward for being the #1 daytime drama for the past 28 (!) consecutive years, CBS has renewed The Young and the Restless for another three seasons

NBC is scrambling to do some damage control, as Megyn Kelly’s highly publicized interview with Sandy Hook truther Alex Jones was beaten by a rerun of America’s Funniest Home Videos. That’s right, it was beaten by a show that’s been rendered virtually obsolete since the proliferation of the Internet

Heroes is coming to Crackle on July 13th. You know, that free streaming network that nobody watches? So, if you’re still itching to save the cheerleader, there ya go.

The sequel to Jurassic World will be called Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom. Meh. That shit ought to be called Jurassic Galaxy. Take those dinos into space already!

Daniel Day-Lewis has quit acting, meaning we’ll never get to see him in the Fast and the Furious franchise like we’d always dreamed!

Fresh off his mistrial, Bill Cosby plans to give speaking engagements where he will instruct folks how to dodge sexual assault charges. I couldn’t make this shit up! “If you put the pudding pop in the Jello, make sure you’re not caught on any Kodak film!”

Transformers 5: Bad Touch had the lowest opening day box office for the franchise, with $15.7 million.

In the ultimate Fuck yo’ Father’s Day move, Beyonce’s dad announced to the world, via tweet, that her twins had arrived. I hear he was dragged away by wraiths soon afterward.

Adam West’s unaired episode of Powerless can now be seen on DC All Access, as well as Hulu.

No one had the West Week Ever this week. As Nina Simone sang, “It be’s that way sometimes”. I do have a correction from last week, though. Like I said up top, I’ve got some real world stuff going on and I wasn’t really thinking clearly. I inducted Adam West into the West Week Ever Hall of Fame, when my pal @zacshipley pointed out that a better honor was staring me right in the face: that honor should be called the West Life Ever. So, the post has since been corrected and, going forward, that is what will be bestowed upon those greats that we’ve lost along the way. Adam West had the West Life Ever.