#I actually already finished getting this interview translated days ago

[cherrylng]

WOTP Dom Howard Interview [INROCK - Muse (October 2022)]

Unparalleled rock trio Muse release first new album in four years, Will of the People.

"We don't want to do a best-of album or a compilation because we're going to keep making new music."

Dominic Howard/Muse INTERVIEW: AI ANAZAWA

Muse have released their new album ‘Will of the People’, their first album in almost four years since ‘Simulation Theory’ (2018). The band has always been big on the soundscale, but this time they've pushed each of the songs to their full potential, making the rock songs harder and the ballads more dramatic, creating what might be described as the ‘strongest’ album yet. The album was self-produced without an external producer due to the Corona disaster, but as you would expect from a seasoned artist, he knows his identity and what he needs to do now. Dominic, who agreed to be interviewed by Zoom, was relaxing in the sunroom of his London home with his dog.

—I saw a picture of you at a recent festival where you were playing drums in a full face mask, is that a new image for the new album ‘Will of the People’? Dominic Howard (dr.): We start the show with ‘Will of the People’ and we also appear wearing the masks that the main characters and groups that appear on the album cover and video wear. It's the opening song.

—Oh, I thought it was hot in the summer (laughs). Dominic: (laughs). I can hardly see anything when I'm wearing that. I can barely see the drums in front of me, so I think Matt [Matthew Bellamy, vo. keys g.] and Chris [Wolstenholme, b.] have an even harder time. They'll be playing while trying to keep an eye on the fretboard. Plus, it's a full face, so it's hard to breathe. And there's a burning ‘Will of the People‘ logo right behind me, so my back is burning hot. But, you know, I'll do anything for rock‘n’roll (laughs).

“I was careful to avoid abstractions, and I was also very conscious of keeping it tight.”

—This album is especially Hard Rock, isn't it? A lot of albums made during the pandemic have been released one after another, but I have the impression that many of them are introspective because of the production environment, but this album is the complete opposite of that (laughs). Dominic: Yeah, it's a heavier, harder rock sound, less introspective… We were definitely working on some of it during the lockdown, though. I think everyone tended to be more introspective back then, and people were making music that sounded a bit more light-hearted, maybe not as bombastic as ours. Anyway, that kind of thing (introspective, light music) is not really our thing, it's more outward expression, more outlandish. Yeah, we haven't done an album as heavy as this one in a really long time.

—I read that you started this album as a response to a label proposal to release a best-of album, but why are you against the idea of ​​a greatest hits album in the first place? Dominic: Realistically speaking, best-of albums aren't what they used to be, are they? Nowadays, a person's top 10 favourite songs on Spotify are their best releases, right? Labels want to do best-of records because they want to promote the band, but we've always been against it because we feel like a best-of record is kind of the end of your career, you know (laughs). We don't want to do a best-of album or compilation because we're going to keep making new music. The labels might have come up with the idea in discussions to see if there was anything they could release during the pandemic, but we've always said no, let's make new material instead.

—I see. Matt describes the album as “best of new songs” and “a montage piece packed with the best of Muse.” Was that the band's goal or perception in the making of the album? Did you actually discuss such things? Dominic: Hahaha, we talk about it all the time. The whole time we were making it. But I don't think it was ever our concept. I'm sure Matt said that because we like the album that much and we think it's like our best album. I think he wanted to say that it's like a collection of the best parts of the band's old sound. It's got the heavy side, the pop side, the acoustic ballads like ‘Ghosts (How Can I Move On)’, it's got the best of what the band has always done. Well, whenever you're making an album, you always think: ‘This is the best album ever! Every song could be cut as a single!’ (laughs). I don't want to release it, or even finish it, unless I'm proud of it as an important representation of the band as it is now. In fact, we were very conscious of only including stuff that we felt was appropriate to be on the album. We didn't want to do anything too experimental… That's a bit of a misnomer. We were careful to avoid abstraction, to keep it to the point and concise, to know where to put the songs on the album, and to keep the production tight.

—There are only ten songs on the album. Do you have any regrets about not being able to keep it tighter on previous albums? Dominic: No, not really. When it's been a year or so since we put out an album, I do think ‘I should have done that’ or something like that, but I wouldn't really call it a regret. We've done some very experimental and abstract albums in the past, because that's what the album needed, especially the first three albums. The second album (2001's Origin of Symmetry) is longer and more experimental. I'm not saying that I want to get rid of that aspect of ourselves, I'm just saying that we've become more conscious of making tighter albums. And I've always wanted to make a 10-song album. We've had instrumental songs that made it 11 songs, so this time we decided to make an album of just 10 songs with songs on it (laughs).

—The content of the song this time is all very depressing, just a little bit… (laughs). Dominic: The lyrics (laughs)?

—Yeah. It's as realistic a fiction as you can get. Are these socio-political and environmental issues always something that comes up in the band? Or is this all about Matt's political views? Dominic: Mostly the latter (laughs). I think the surreal, political fictional world is where he's most comfortable writing. I guess it's easier to write about very personal things than to express them frankly. Of course there are parts of the album that touch on personal things, but I haven't done a lot of songs that are about personal things. Matt's style is to write about the emotions of what's going on in the world and apply them to an imaginary world. Naturally, we would talk about the topic and the direction we wanted the song to go in. But the music always comes first. Then the lyrics (by Matt) can take quite a while, but whatever idea it's based on, the three of us take it and put it into music, and eventually it's something we enjoy playing. The lyrics come after that, so it can be influenced by the vibe and feel of the song's source material.

—Oh, really? Dominic: So it's not the lyrics we talk about the most, it's the music (laughs).

—I see, the three of you live in different parts of the world. How did you make that music during the pandemic, especially during the lockdown? Dominic: It was tough. Especially in 2020, there were months when we couldn't do anything. But we still did things like exchange ideas virtually. Once we were able to get together, we started working in the studio in Los Angeles. Chris doesn't live over here, but we still had him come to LA, and when that wasn't possible, we continued working remotely. In the spring of 2021, we got together in London and we were able to work on it at Abbey Road [Studios]. It was a lot of work, but we found a way to work not only on music, but also on these things (Zoom interviews), and also on business, virtually, without having to move from place to place, didn't we? I think it's actually become more convenient for a lot of people.

—Did you produce this album yourselves because of the restrictions of the Corona Disaster? Or was it a reaction to the fact that your last album, ‘Simulation Theory’, involved a lot of producers? Dominic: It was probably both. It was a pandemic, so from the beginning Matt and I were in the studio alone, trying out different ideas, and we were comfortable with that. Then Aleks (von Korff), the engineer, joined us in the studio and the three of us were in what you might call a bubble (laughs). Of course we had to take coronavirus checks every now and then and be careful while working, but we got comfortable in that situation, and it felt different to invite other people in there. It would be a lot of work to bring someone else in. And we like production work too. We've always co-produced, even when we've had a producer, and we rather like the time-consuming, detailed work.

—Please tell me how did you decide to end the album on a hopeless note with ‘We Are Fucking Fucked’ (laughs)? Dominic: It's interesting to hear other people say the title of this song (laughs). It was the only song we had at the end of the album. If we'd put ‘Fucking Fucked’ anywhere else, it would have given the piece a weird vibe. It's a sarcastic, depressing type of song, after all (laughs). So I think it was right to put it at the end. At first I was thinking of putting ‘Verona’ at the end. That song has a fantastic, relaxed, outro-like feel to it. But I still think ‘Fucking Fucked’ is the right one.

—Which is your favourite song of the day? Dominic: It's hard to pick just one song, I feel bad for the others (laughs).

—Let's limit it to this morning's then (laughs). Dominic: Well, we've been playing ‘Kill or Be Killed’ live recently and it's a lot of fun to play live. Maybe there's a heaviness to it that we haven't ventured into before? It's pretty metal. And I really like ‘Won't Stand Down’. When we were working on the album, I was telling Matt that every song had to make the listener feel something, and we had to make the songs make us feel something, and he asked me what I meant, and I said that sometimes when we listen to our past albums… I actually listened to all our previous albums before we started making this album. Some of them were okay, some of them were a little bit terrible, but they still conveyed what we were feeling at the time. So I had a strong feeling that every song on this album had to make me feel something. ‘Kill or Be Killed‘, when you get into the chorus, it makes you feel it. I like everything else on the record apart from those two songs. And ‘Liberation’ is a lot of fun to play. We haven't done a piano song like that for a while. Is it reminiscent of ‘United States of Eurasia’ (2009's “The Resistance”)?

“What I really want to do is to go around to different sized venues here and there and stay in Japan for two or three weeks.”

—I also like ’You Make Me Feel Like It's Halloween’. And it touches on the serious issue of domestic violence. Dominic: Yes, it does. It's a very fun song, but the lyrics actually touch on emotional abuse in the home. It's the same with ‘Won't Stand Down’. We know people who have been through that, and it's a very real issue that sometimes people don't realise they're going through it. It's such a serious thing with a very pop sound.

—Will you be touring the world after a few shows in the UK in October? Dominic: Yeah, we'll play some smaller theatres in the UK in October and then maybe next year we'll tour overseas, including Japan. We really want to go to Japan. What I'd really like to do is spend two or three weeks in Japan, doing a few more shows here and there at different venues of different sizes. The last few times I've been here, I've been limited to a few cities due to time, schedule and production. Sometimes you have to sacrifice the creative side and the fun side of it.

—You have the authority to do what you really want to do, so by all means make it happen. Dominic: Well, yeah (laughs). Anyway, we'll find a time when it's possible and we'll try to fit it into the schedule.

—By the way, there is a sign of a dog from earlier. Dominic: This is Olive, a Boston terrier (he says, showing me the dog stretched out and relaxed in front of him). He's very clever. Where's Floyd? Maybe he's upstairs. They're both very clever.

—Who's going to look after them while you're away from home? Dominic: Actually, I tend to take them with me. Olive is just over a year old and I only got her last year, so she's not ready yet, but Floyd has been all over the place, he's been on a tour of America with me, he's been in Europe. He loves it. He's always happy to play with all kinds of people backstage. Olive likes people too. When the show is over, she jumps in the car and goes to the hotel with me, and every night when she gets into her new hotel room, she jumps up on the bed with great joy (laughs). So I take her with me when I can, otherwise I ask family or friends.

Recorded on 20th July, 2022 in London.

Translator’s Notes: If you’ve noticed it, then you might’ve wondered why the Japanese journalist and the article itself doesn’t use the words “Covid-19” and “pandemic” (other than Dom himself). As I’m not a Japanese native, I don’t fully know the answer either, but I did pay attention to Japanese news over the years to pick up on information. In Japan, the government and the people do know and use the word COVID-19, but unfortunately the name that COVID-19 took in Japan was this: 新型コロナウイルス感染症 / Shingata Coronavirus Kansenshou / new coronavirus infection.

As you can see, that is a whole mouthful that no one has the time to say all of that out loud -even including the word Covid-19 itself- so they shortened it to just using ‘コロナウイルス / Coronavirus’ and ‘コロナ / Corona’ instead.

So I got used to seeing that whenever an artist or celebrity in Japan was confirmed infected by Covid and had to cancel events, they just announce on their blogs and on X [formerly known as Twitter] that they got Corona. And some of these words became familiar to me as well.

コロナ禍 / Korona-ka = Corona Disaster / Covid-19 Pandemic コロナ緊急事態 / Korona kinkyuu jitai = Corona Emergency / Lockdown

BTW, I wasn't sure what Dom's other dog's name was. I know of Floyd, but I can't remember the second dog's name. Was it Olive or Oliver?

[kustas]

Finally watched the CSM opening, I'm blown away by the animation but it's more worrying than exciting. These shots are insanely detailed in animation and compositing, and there's already been reports of worker abuse at Mappa - a (french) article I read two days ago interviewed an animator saying they had to animate a whole minute by themself (for comparison the dayly average for hand drawn animation in France is around two seconds) and has contracted carpal tunnel syndrome at the layout stage. That is, the first stage of planning after a finished storyboard. This is before actually animating all frames.

Given Crunchyroll has also been exposed recently for paying it's dub actors a few hundreds of dollars per person, per role, and that regarding Mappa, actual information about working conditions are mostly kept secret, it could be way worst.

This isn't to say don't watch Chainsaw man, it does look extremely dope and beautifully made. But if you're enjoying the show and others like it, and are genuinely passionate about animation, please try to be mindful of the conditions in which these shows are made. I don't think I'll be able to watch it myself after learning about this without a ball in my throat and for now will opt out.

Translated excerpts from the linked article below.

To meet Mappa studio leads, you need to [present yourself as harmless]. Some topics, like working conditions in the studio, are taboo.

Mappa's style goes against traditional Japanese animation's style, most often semi-realistic. A demanding style, not for everyone [...] With eight series currently in production at Mappa and animators "in a state of utter fatigue", it is hard to follow this market undergoing constant expansion.

Mappa's working conditions are getting more and more called out [among animators]. "If you don't talk to the animators you will never hear about the working conditions", laments one of them, under the cover of anonymousity.

While Mappa does not necessarily pay more than other studios, its productions often have higher budgets. And if animators from all around the world rush to work there it's because of the aura of these projects. "That's precisely why I am not working for them," says a big name from the industry. "I find that Mappa abuses of the aura it has to enslave young people, who are fans of animation and of these franchises"

[thebroccolination]

SO ABOUT KRIST. \:D/

I'm not sure how many people have seen this photo or know the context behind it.

It was taken by a fan (see watermark) at the final episode premiere for Be My Favorite in August. After we finished watching the episode, Krist and Gawin walked down the aisles of the theater singing their duet, and then they went to the front stage to give their closing speeches. Most of us expected Krist to cry because it doesn't take a lot to make that happen on a normal day. But a fan event for a series that he put his heart and soul into? That he had resting on his shoulders since it was announced in late 2021? Certified, guaranteed, written in stone.

Even expecting it, though, didn't prepare me for seeing Krist cry in person. Especially when it wasn't the crying I'm used to seeing from him. I didn't even need to understand what he was saying to feel affected by it. Being in the theater, hearing him struggle to speak, assuming what he must be talking about, hearing how absolutely earnest every word was, that was enough.

I read the translation later. Krist was talking about Gawin. That he's always wanted the focus of the series to be on Gawin, because it was Gawin's first main role, and Krist felt like he'd taint it. In the past six months, Krist has said more than once that his greatest achievement from Be My Favorite was meeting Gawin. In another interview, he said he didn't care if no one watched the series because he has Gawin in his life now, and that means more to him than the success of his work. He said meeting Gawin changed him and made him grow up.

I always knew that Krist would be good for Gawin's career. From the moment I saw the casting announcement, I knew that Krist would do what he does with all of his friends and colleagues: promote him, hype him, celebrate him. I just had no idea how close they would become. That they would both find strength in each other, and that they would develop the incredibly close friendship they have now.

And, man…ever since I saw that photo up there where Gawin is listening with tears in his eyes as his close friend and admired senior talks about him with such affection and respect, my disappointment in everyone who continues to spread misinformed hate against Krist is so much deeper.

But it's also calmer.

Because it won't last.

Krist is so widely loved by the people in his life and the people he's worked with, and he's so effusively loving in return. And I think more and more people are starting to see that. He cares so intensely all the time and he allows so much of his vulnerability to show, and he listens to people.

So whenever I see people scoffing, "How does he even have fans?" I know they haven't actually looked into who he is. I know they watched a TikTok or a YouTube video with the same five things taken out of context and it just doesn't hold up when you actually see him.

Because this is who he is:

At MUSICON, he and Gawin did a meet and greet, and this fan shared her experience talking to Krist. She had so much she wanted to say, but she couldn't stop crying, and he patted her gently on the shoulder to comfort her. She said he kept kindly looking into her eyes while she spoke, and she finished by hoping more and more people get to know him.

He's one of GMMTV's top stars who makes eye contact with his fans and engages with them. He's popular enough that he could just coast during these fan events, but he wants to listen and interact with his fans. He remembers us.

And, like, I already did a whole thing about how he's not homophobic.

Like, seriously, he isn't. During his solo concert in Cambodia, he made a beeline to this fanboy and giddily danced with him the same as he did with the women in the audience. And he wasn't the only guy he danced with, either.

Krist also got hit on in an airport by a whole European dude years ago and he was delighted. The dimple came out to play and everything.

There comes a point when people who say "he's just pretending he isn't homophobic to make money" start to sound like they just really, really want Krist to be homophobic because otherwise they have been mercilessly tormenting him for years over misinformation they didn't care enough to look into.

The man described his love scene with Gawin in Be My Favorite as a piece of art. Like. I think it's abundantly clear that he's not the monster interfans invented just to throw knives at.

So anyway.

Back to Gawin.

I'm glad Krist has Gawin in his life. Gawin who sees him, who appreciates him, and who gives back just as much affection as Krist gives to him.

And who honest-to-God looks like he wants to protect Krist just as much as any of us do.

So yeah!

I like Krist.

I think he's neat. \:D/

(And I totally hope he'll let Gawin and Singto do a skit making light of all the ship wars during his concert next weekend. GawinSingto jokes, come to me.)

[madisonmccoy]

Teo’s interview with Bergens Tidende

translated for y'all below!!

[https://www.bt.no/kultur/i/bgRJ1A/17-aaringen-spiller-hovedroller-baade-paa-nrk-og-paa-dns?utm\_source=kopierlink&utm\_content=deleknapp&utm\_campaign=topp](https://www.bt.no/kultur/i/bgRJ1A/17-aaringen-spiller-hovedroller-baade-paa-nrk-og-paa-dns?utm_source=kopierlink&utm_content=deleknapp&utm_campaign=topp)

This 17-year-old goes from dream role to dream role: He was thrown into it

By: Frank Johnsen and Maria Aarekol (photography)

Published: 27. February 2024

It is not easy being a school student when you also have to handle major roles on TV and in theater.

17-year-old Teo Tomczuk has experienced this in the last few years.

Teo Tomczuk will soon premiere on Den Nationale Scene (DNS, or The National Stage, the largest national theater in Bergen, Norway.)

When Bergens Tidende met him at Den Nationale Scene (DNS) in the morning, he had already been to school, Bergen Private Gymnas (a videregående skole, upper secondary school, in Bergen). He is in his second year there.

Right now, theater rehearsals await him. Teo has been given one of the main roles in Frode Grytten's “Menn Som Ingen Treng" (Men that no one needs), which premieres on the big stage on 6. April 2024.

Won a prize

The recording of seasons three and four of [the NRK series "Rykter"](https://www.bt.no/kultur/i/Qy17gA/her-denger-de-loes-paa-hverandre-i-nrk-satsingen-fra-bergen) has just finished. It took up a lot of the fall and winter.

“Fortunately, my school is supportive of my work in acting and music. My days will be packed, so I have to work in a structured way, be at home a lot of the time, and use Sundays for school work”, says Teo.

Teo Tomczuk has busy days.

His parents are Polish. He grew up in the island municipality of Solund in Ytre Sogn and moved to Espeland three years ago.

The 17-year-old also has a growing music career underway, with concerts and releases planned. 

One of his songs has been A1-listed on NRK P1. Last year he also received the “Luttprisen” prize for best newcomer. This is an award that celebrates the music scene in Sogn og Fjordane.

Teo Tomczuk grew up in Ytre Sogn, while Sisilja Garen, who plays Thea in “Rykter” is from Øystese. PHOTO: ALICE BRATSHAUG (ARKIV)

This year he will return, as a presenter, together with Kjartan Lauritzen (a Norwegian Rap artist), among others. The party will be in Balestrand.

“I love playing music. The goal is to release an album this year. Then a new song will be coming out soon, which is a bit more rock. And in Norsk. I'm really looking forward to putting it out. I'm playing with a band now, so there will be more pressure”, says Teo.

Barely knew what alcohol was

He was only 15 when he got the role of Mathias in the Bergen-produced series "Rykter", which follows a fictional 10. klasse (final year students of lower secondary school) on an island outside Bergen. It is about everything from drugs and alcohol to developing romances and sexual identity.

“There are adult themes, but it was just a matter of getting into the character and listening to the director. I come from a small island and barely knew what alcohol was. So a lot of it was new to me”, says Teo and smiles.

Teo Tomczuk, Sisilja Garen, Martin Storebø Koh, and Alisah Süssmann also have main roles in the next season of “Rykter”. This photo is from the recording of “Rykter” in Telavåg this autumn. PHOTO: ALICE BRATSHAUG (ARKIV)

In the next seasons, the group of friends have started videregående skole (upper secondary school).

“The recording was maybe even more fun now, I felt safer as an actor. At the beginning everything was new, like we were thrown into something. But I actually learned very quickly. It's a fantastic group, everyone supports each other”, says Teo.

The last episode in season two ended with him and his friend in the series, Erik (played by Benjamin Ebbesen), suddenly kissing each other.

“People are very curious about what will happen next. This was the first time I had kissed a boy, and then I also had to do it on camera and with someone I know very well. But it felt natural for the role”, says Teo and he smiles.

A hit in Italy

The first seasons were seen by 200,000 people in Norway and were also a big hit in Italy.

“Italian fans are eager to send emails”, says Teo and he laughs.

Teo Tomczuk plays Mathias in “Rykter”.

Germany is another important market for "Rykter". German funds were also needed to pay for the new seasons, a total of 30 episodes, which are scheduled to be released on the national tv channel in the fall.

Frode Grytten's play ["Men that nobody needs"](https://www.bt.no/kultur/i/XbkPnn/frode-grytten-sitt-nye-stykke-faar-urpremiere-paa-dns-i-bergen) is another step forward.

In the play, the audience meets seven very different men who tell their stories, almost monologues that run parallel with each other. Cover songs are also played throughout which intertwine with the stories.

Teo has done some musicals in the past. Among other characters, he has played Jean Valjean in "Les Misérables" in Nordfjordeid when he was 13.

A mystery

Acting at Den Nationale Scene (DNS) is still not something he would have even dared to dream about.

“I never thought I would get this far”, says Teo.

Teo Tomczuk pictured two years ago, when he released the song “Trust". PHOTO: JANNICA LUOTO (ARKIV)

But it just so happens that the lighting master at "Rykter", Poul Iversen, is married to theater director Solrun Toft Iversen. A recommendation was made, and Teo received a phone call.

Suddenly, the role was his, without an audition.

“It was very good.”

“What role are you playing?”

“I am a man, 19. The role will have a bit of mystery. It starts with me having a conversation with the headmaster at the school about a short story I wrote. It can also be perceived as a message of concern. Then things happen that I cannot reveal.”

“Do you get nervous thinking that 450 people in the audience will watch you on stage every night?”

“No. When I first read the script, I thought it would be difficult. But the script flows naturally, it's really just a matter of reading it over and over again. And to try to understand everything that has happened. Now I feel free, honestly, and can't wait to get started”, says Teo.

Tall for his age

He is the youngest of the actors in both "Men som ingen treng" and "Rykter", and has always been mature for his age. Not so surprising, perhaps, because Teo was already 1.75 tall (5’8” ish) in 4th grade.

Here is Teo in the 7th grade with his classmate Borgar Espeland. PHOTO: PRIVATE

“I have pictures of me and my best friends when I was little, and I'm like two heads taller than the whole gang. And was sure that I was going to be 2.20 (7” ?? 😳🤯). But I stopped growing, so now the others are catching up with me”, he says, laughing.

He has 50,000 followers on Tiktok and 22,000 on Instagram, and he reports a lot of positive feedback.

“I grew up with almost no neighbors, so it's a bit of a strange time that I will be well known again.”

[\~https://www.bt.no/kultur/i/bgRJ1A/17-aaringen-spiller-hovedroller-baade-paa-nrk-og-paa-dns?utm\_source=kopierlink&utm\_content=deleknapp&utm\_campaign=topp\~](https://www.bt.no/kultur/i/bgRJ1A/17-aaringen-spiller-hovedroller-baade-paa-nrk-og-paa-dns?utm_source=kopierlink&utm_content=deleknapp&utm_campaign=topp)

[vgperson]

What Did I Do In 2022?

Game Translations That Aren't YTTD: 1. Okay, maybe 1.5.

----

First of all, while I didn't add it until later in the year (not entirely unmotivated by the Stability of Platforms), my site now has an RSS feed for notable updates of any kind! I mention this upfront because I'm mostly just going over the things that are already listed there. It currently retroactively covers everything back to 2020, but I might add more past stuff over time so it can better serve as a general "everything I've ever done" page.

In February, I translated Kenshi Yonezu's POP SONG (and an interview). Noel The Mortal Fate Seasons 1-7 also got a revamped version on consoles (Switch, PS4); the console versions include a new Season 3.5 translated entirely by me, and the rest of the seasons have a revised script which is more thoroughly edited by me than even the redone Steam translation was.

In March, the update adding Kai to Your Time To Shine came out. Yes, he is Kai.

In April, I finally finished up my unofficial Japanese translation patch for Petal Crash. たのしいね、クラッシュ！ It actually just got some extra attention after the Petal Crash run for RTA In Japan about two days ago, which is kind of wild. Is this what it's like to be famous...? (clueless)

In May, I translated Kenshi Yonezu's Shin Ultraman theme song M87 (interview, interview), and the coupling song from the single, ETA. And there was an article about the 10th anniversary of his debut!

Also in May, the Ib remake came out on Steam in English! Told you they'd contact me. It was later announced to be coming to Switch, scheduled for March 2023.

In August, Your Turn To Die was announced to be coming to Steam. It's planned for early 2023, but to be clear, it'll release first in Early Access still with no final part, though with some exclusive mini-episodes and character profile sheets. Apparently once that's out, the actual completion is estimated for 6 to 12 months later... but, you know. Estimates are hard.

In September, I put together a guide for and officially "released" my Custom Translation Engine plugin for RPG Maker MV, the one I made for the Ib remake, and back-implemented into Your Turn To Die shortly after I was contacted about it coming to Steam. It's fancy (in-game language switching!), convenient (minimal direct editing of code!), and you can use it for your own translation projects if you want!

In October... well, I didn't do anything new for it, but I'll take credit for The Witch's House MV coming to consoles. (Switch, PS4, Xbox) I also translated everyone's favorite Chainsaw Man opening KICK BACK, associated interviews, and the single's coupling song Y'all Should Be Ashamed.

Finally, in December, after lots of spending my time elsewhere and indecision about how I should go about returning to doing some dang free game translations, I concluded that what I'd really wanted to do all year was translate Uri's PEDESTAL.

I think some people latched onto specific parts of Uri's original explanation for why it wasn't being translated, such as the cultural aspects (I honestly winced at her blunt remark that the story was "no good at all"), but while Uri indeed had those doubts at the time of release, the only real reason it wasn't translated at the time is that I did a less-than-ideal rushed playthrough that slightly hurt my overall impression of its quality, and I felt too busy at the time to work on something with lots of text that was likely to be divisive. So similarly, me finally feeling up to it was the reason it did get translated. I probably should've come back to it quite a bit sooner (after I was made to give up a certain other translation, say), but as I alluded to in last year's post, I was self-conscious about "my big return to free game translations" being something that might not have wide appeal. Uh, glad to be past that, hopefully.

Oh, and ever since finishing PEDESTAL, I've been working on all sorts of overhauls to my site, but like... not the kind that actually majorly changes any part of the visible design and annoys people (and if something did change in an annoying way, it's probably accidental). Some of it's just better consideration of mobile browsing (stuff like images or tables sticking out of bounds at mobile resolutions), or making things more convenient for myself behind the scenes (did you know I made a program to add "br"s to every line of all lyrics content before considering I could just have the page code do that, and also better?).

Some more major observable changes include general renovations to the lyrics page (bigger font size, buttons that hide individual languages to aid in side-by-side comparison), and more convenient navigation of OSTER's tweets, such that I could actually imagine someone reading through them all the way from the start without it being too much of a hassle.

----

While I'm glad to be over the PEDESTAL hump, I don't... necessarily have any definite plans for upcoming free game translations. I mostly just have some stuff on a list that I may have to make myself check out soon enough. Also, Game Atsumaru (which you may know as The Site That Hosts YTTD's Japanese Version) is ending in June??? So uh, might have to accelerate checking out stuff on there, though I guess it depends on how many creators are able to migrate. (Nankidai does plan to put YTTD's Japanese browser version up somewhere else.)

As I mentioned, Your Turn To Die's Early Access release on Steam should be coming up early next year with those mini-episodes and character profiles, and the game might be completed within the year. No promises. I mean, I don't have anything to promise, it's not my game.

Speaking of my game... also no promises. But I'd really like to release one. We'll see what happens. There's also a different kind of original project I recently returned to trying to make real, which could come early in the year, but who knows. As should be apparent, I'm working on a lot of different fronts here, so I frequently feel bad about neglecting such-and-such type of creative work, which sometimes means nothing actually gets done and released. Ultimately, though, it's probably better to follow what I most feel like doing, rather than force focus on one thing and end up not actually getting much done.

Which is to say: hoping to finish something in the new year!

[thotsforvillainrights]

-Straight From The Heart-

(The secret fanfic I’ve been writing behind everyone’s back was about Trumpet the whole time...)

~Chapter 1~

'Maybe option 4 or maybe just skip it and go back to 3? No no, I've already sent a follow-up email to option 3 a couple of days ago. I landed another interview but at what cost? I don't really want to work for that company at all. Wait a second! Yes, that's right, I can still apply to those others lined up.' 

Words buzzed around inside of your head as you used your GPS to find the cafe not too far from here. You've been here for a while but not in this city specifically. In fact, the entire place was new to you so it certainly helped to have a map of some sort on hand. It had been only about a week or two since you've moved here. A friend mentioned it to you one day over the phone. He spoke of how lovely the mountain area was and that the citizens there were known for their tight knit community. You had been job hunting for a month or two and needed the move anyway. It was cheaper to live here and your savings were slowly dwindling. "This is what I get for quitting without having another job lined up." You scolded yourself before rounding the corner and finally making it to your destination. As you entered the shop the smell of coffee and pastries bombarded your nose. You took in your surroundings and smiled at all of the people simply living around you. There was a small family happily chatting by the large window, the kids were munching on their chocolates while the mother chatted with her partner about upcoming festivals they should check out. On another end there was a young couple that seemed as though it was their first date. Lots of awkward exchanges and gentle touches with a giggle and blush thrown about here and there. At another table sat an elderly woman and her puppy nestled comfortably in her purse. A few baristas greeted you with a warm smile and you gave a quick wave and nod. It was your turn in line and you took a little extra minute to try and decide on what you wanted to have. The list was somewhat long and the drinks all looked so good. How on earth did people decide so quickly?

Suddenly you heard the sound of a man clearing his throat followed by a chuckle. You quickly turned to apologize for holding him up. "I'm sorry. I could've sworn there was no one behind me just now." He laughed lightly and scratched the back of his head. The man was a pretty good height with rather long lashes lining the bottom of his eyes, blocked by his purple tinted glasses. His hair was rather long and jet black, slicked back upon his head with a single thick black strand dangling in front of his face. He was dressed in a full suit adorned with a long grey scarf over his shoulders and he smelled of rather expensive cologne. He smiled at you. "No there really wasn't. I actually just came in a couple of seconds ago. No need to apologize. Actually I was going to suggest you get that one over there if you're indecisive. It's really good, trust me." He pointed at the sign the hung above your heads. You looked at the drink and nodded. "Yeah it does look pretty good..." You turned your attention to the cashier and ordered the drink along with a nice pastry to go with it. "That'll be 6.85" (translate that to Yen please) You dug around in your pocket and handed him the money. He frowned apologetically for a second before looking back to you. "I'm sorry but you're just 5 cents short of the total. I would pay it myself but our register is a little short and I don't carry cash with me. I'm sorry." He apologized again. "Oh haha, that's all good. I'll just come back later and-" Before you could even finish your sentence the man behind you reached out and passed a few bills over to the cashier. "I've got it, no worries. Keep the change." While he grabbed your food from the barista you were still rather shocked at the random act of kindness. "Here you go." He handed it to you with a warm smile. "Uh..t-thank you?" He laughed at your expression. "Was that a statement or a question?" He teased and you looked away sheepishly. "Sorry, I mean thank you. It's just so sudden since this is the first real time I've been out of my new apartment since moving to Deika. My friend told me about the friendly people here but I didn't really expect it to be at this extent."

"Haha, expect a little bit of that here and there. Everyone in Deika tends to act this way toward each other. We're less of a city and more of a giant family. Since you've moved here, you're now apart of that family." He explained it to you. "Ah, understandable. Thank you again for the help." He nodded with a smile. "No problem, and welcome to Deika." He turned to order his food and you took one last look back at him before leaving the shop. You ate on the pastry while walking to your apartment. It wasn't too long again before your head was swarmed by the thought of job hunting. 'If the people are really like that man said, then maybe it won't be too hard to find a position here after all.' You thought to yourself as you unlocked your apartment door. There was still so much unpacking to do and at this point you figured it would be okay if you took a break to finish your drink. You took a seat and flicked through various channels on the Tv until your phone vibrated on the table beside you. You stopped sipping your drink and answered it. "Y/N!!!!" Your friend answered with a shaky hold on the camera. "I miss you so much! How's the move going! Do you like it there so far? Didn't I say Deika would be better than the hustle and bustle of Tokyo? Tell me do you love it! I just wanna hear I'm right of course haha!" You rolled your eyes and nodded. "Ugh yes you're right, now try to calm down F/N (friend's name) will you? Anyway I haven't been able to see much of the city since I got here. I've been cooped up inside doing my job hunt and unpacking. On top of that, I've been cleaning non-stop. I visited a cafe earlier and that's the main place I've been since getting here." You admitted and your friend frowned. "Sounds like you need to get out and explore."

"Explore? I've got way too much to do right now. Exploring is for later on."

"Ugh, c'mon. You are gonna drive yourself crazy staring at the walls like that. Please at least go out and get a walk in will you? I promise it'll be good for you. Please? Promise me you'll do it. Promise me right now!"

"Okay okay! I promise. Now let me go because I've got some extra stuff to handle okay?"

"Okay! Bye!"

"Bye F/N." You hung up the phone and sighed as your eyes wandered to the view out the window. Really the day was just beginning. It was only just now 11:45 a.m. but you had just gotten back from that cafe trip so you decided to get a little more unpacking and cleaning done before leaving the house again. When you felt like you'd done a reasonable amount of work, you went ahead and closed up before heading downstairs and out along the sidewalk. 'Maybe F/N was right about the walk' you thought to yourself as you took in your surroundings. It was shaping up to be a beautifully sunny day. The birds were happily chattering, busy with their nest making in the tree's above that lined the sidewalk. People were out and about, some late to work and rushing across the road while gripping their paperwork with care, others out walking their dogs and babies in strollers. A woman stopped you on the walk and handed you a piece of paper. "Excuse me, but are you aware the elections are coming up here in Deika soon?" She asked you curiously. "Hmm? No I uh, I wasn't." You tilted your head a bit to the side. "Oh! Well then I implore you to consider voting for our favorite representative of the Hearts and Mind Party, Koku Hanabata! He's got some amazing policies both old and new. Plus he's been faithfully serving the city of Deika for 3 terms now! Please consider voting for Hanabata and have a lovely day!" Just like that she was passing out a paper to the next person behind you. You shrugged and continued walking a short piece before stopping and staring at the paper in your possession. "Ha...no way." On that paper was a picture of the very man you met this morning in the shop. There he was, same charming smile plastered on the paper that he graced you with earlier. "I wonder if he was just being nice or if he was fishing for votes." You laughed to yourself as you folded up the paper and put it in your back pocket. "Who knows."

Koku Hanabata

Koku Hanabata...Then name danced around your head a few more times until you got back home. Then you ended up staying up and searching up information about him on your laptop. He appeared to be nothing short of the perfect man. At least that's what you gathered from your research. It was almost eerily too perfect...It was like his public record was scrubbed 100% clean of any blemishes. In your experience you didn't know of many politicians (really any at all) that were this far from corruption. That being said, you still weren't sure you could vote for him. It's not like you needed to anyway. He would likely win with the way the city operated on a face basis with family values. He didn't need your vote. You chuckled lightly and rolled over to get some rest. Hopefully by tomorrow you would get a call back from one of the jobs you applied to.

[humpbacking]

How did I get into this weird hobby?

It all started as I was rehearsing for a Google interview. I was interested in working for Deepmind, but Google had openings in security and I thought: "Why not?" So I engaged. The Google interview process is famously challenging, but they also have great facilities for helping you bone up. A good friend of mine was one of those patient volunteers who participate in "Mock" interviews that give you feedback and advice to help you perform your best.

So I was sitting with my interviewer friend and talking about what I could diagram, at an architectural level, to demonstrate my command of building scalable infrastructure. I proposed the idea of doing Google Translate, but my friend countered with "We already have one of those" which, of course, made sense. "If you want to stand out, do something original" he suggested.

So I thought a bit more. Over lunch we had been discussing the NOAA dataset which had recently been released and studied by a small team of Google developers. They'd built a neural net which learned how to recognize various species by the sounds they make. (I had skimmed over the resulting research paper some time ago.) So I spitballed to my friend as I ate my Cobb salad. "What if I could make something that talks to animals? That would be different." My friend got uncharacteristically excited by the idea, telling me quickly about a project he'd heard of recently which was using deep learning in conjunction with the NOAA dataset to analyze the sounds made by Grey Whales, and had recently released some shocking results, namely that there was a fully consistent set of sounds that seemed to map symbolically to a complex language -- essentially, solid evidence that Grey Whales speak to each other in full sentences. This was mind-blowing to me. I hadn't heard about it at all before that day, but by the time we'd finished eating, I was already obsessed with the notion of building a translator for other species, and all the headaches and wonder that would likely come from such an endeavor.

I ended up not getting the job at Google. It's a long story, and not that interesting. But the pursuit of animal communication stayed with me. I decided to use Humpback Whales as my first species of focused inquiry simply because, as a youth, my mother had bought me a subscription to National Geographic (thanks, mom!) and when I was about 6 or 7 years old, I received in the mail the iconic issue in which a recoding of Humpback songs was included as an insert. I listened to it over and over again on a toy phonograph player I'd received for my birthday. The only other records I owned were "The Osmond Family" and "The Jackson Five" to which I listened in equal measure with Whale Songs, but my most exotic fantasies were all reflections of the wonder I experienced while listening to that Humpback recording. Humpbacks weren't as danceable, but it was clear there was a deep mystery in those resonating calls. My childhood fascination returned to me in fits and starts as I began to piece together a system that might actually tell me what was happening in those recordings.

[fortheloveofwonderland]

A Memory Locked In The Heart - Spencer Reid x fem! Reader

A/N - Requested by the lovely @overduelibrarybooks I hope this was the kind of thing you were looking for!

Find my masterlist here.

My taglists are open and requests are open.

Requested: Yes l No

Request: "could u ever write a spencer reid x reader where reader def works for the cia but more as a translator who’s kinda forced into doing agenty things in order to gather intel and on a mandated break she finds out the UNSUB before the team does so she uses herself as bait, and shoots the guy all very badass fashion n then gets interrogated bc ms girl just shot him coldblood and halfway thru she recognizes spencer bc her mother and his mom lived in the same care facility??? idk sorry my mom has paranoid too so it just hits different but u don’t have to write this if u don’t want to i love ur writing <3"

CW: disclaimer: I know next to nothing about the CIA and what they investigate so please go easy on me here. This is all made up so hopefully it makes some kind of sense. Mentions of violence and sex work, schizophrenia, Alzheimer’s, some swears. Mentions of drug use and overdose. Spanish used towards the end is from Google Translate so I apologise if it isn’t completely accurate. Italics indicate flashbacks.

Plot: Eighteen years ago you met a boy named Spencer Reid whilst visiting your mother at Bennington Sanitorium. This time you are meeting under entirely different circumstances; across the table of an interrogation room.

WC: 5.3K

—————————————————————

How did I end up here?

That was a question you kept asking yourself as you rolled into your third hour of sitting in that cold, dimly lit interrogation room at the FBI headquarters in Quantico, Virginia.

Well you supposed you’d have to go back to the beginning to truly work that out.

The CIA and FBI joint task force for a country wide sex trafficking ring they believed to be operating out of DC.

When your team at the CIA had started investigating it was estimated that the ring had close to a hundred women who had been abducted and forced into the sex industry.

A lot of women were believed to have been taken trying to cross the border. Your job as a translator had involved spending a lot of time in Mexico, helping interview witnesses and family members who didn’t speak English.

The FBI involvement had come when women believed to have been part of the trafficking ring started turning up dead.

At last count they were up to twenty bodies. The Behavioural Analyst Unit had given their profile of the man they believed to be running the show.

White male in his mid to late forties. Bilingual. Possibly born in Mexico or an area surrounding the border but grew up in DC, they assumed based on his knowledge of the area. He’s attractive, charming and has a good level of education, he’d need to be able to charm the women into trusting him. He doesn’t have a full time job because he wouldn’t have time for one. All his time and focus goes on his girls. He was tech savvy, incredibly so, he’d have to be, to be able to set up the network on the dark web which enabled his customers to pay for his services.

It hadn’t been going well. Bodies kept dropping and the task force was no closer to catching the person responsible.

This went on for six months. Everyone was exhausted. You kept hitting brick wall after brick wall. It was demoralising.

Your boss had called for mandated time off. You’d all argued but she had been absolutely adamant. You’d all been working yourselves to the bone and she didn’t want you burnt out entirely.

You’d argued but your words had fallen on deaf ears.

“Can I get you a glass of water or something?”

The voice startled you out of your thoughts. You looked up to see the lanky, messy haired agent who called himself Doctor Reid, sticking his head through the door.

“Is coffee an option?”

He smiled brightly at you, a smile you swear you’ve seen before.

“Coffee is always an option.” He told you. “How do you take it?”

“Strong and black. Please.”

“I’ll be right back.”

With that the door closed leaving you to your thoughts once more.

There was something so familiar about the Doctor. His dark yet sparkling eyes, his awkward smile and the way he dressed. You couldn’t place it. But there was definitely something about him that stirred some memory buried deep in your brain. You just weren’t sure what it was.

He returned a few minutes later, bringing your coffee into the room and placing it on the table in front of you.

“Hopefully you won’t be stuck here too much longer. It’s just standard procedure.” he spoke sweetly, his voice stirring the hidden memory.

“Yeah I know. I get it.” you sighed as you spoke, wrapping your hands around the coffee. “Thank you for this.”

“You’re welcome.” he smiled before he started backing out of the room. You wished you could ask him to stay because you felt so much more at ease with him around. But you knew you couldn’t.

He turned to you in the doorway.

“You look cold in that.” He smiled a little sadly at you.

You’d forgotten about your outfit choice. No self respecting CIA agent dressed like you were right now.

“I guess I am a little.” You shrugged.

Spencer instantly shrugged his blazer off of his shoulders and laid it in front of you on the table.

“Thank you Doctor Reid.” you spoke again before he disappeared out the door.

“Goodbye Agent Y/L/N.”

The door closed, his voice reverberating in your ears, dragging you into a long forgotten memory.

As you slipped his jacket on, your eyes fluttered closed, his scent wafting up your nose.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Spencer. Spencer Reid.”

“Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N.”

Your eyes shot back open, a frown on your face.

“Spencer?” you muttered under your breath. “Spencer Reid.”

Where had you pulled that name from? And why did it feel oddly connected to Vegas?

You tried to push the thought away, you already had enough on your mind. There were much more pressing things to deal with than a vague memory from your hometown an undetermined amount of time ago.

***

You’d been instructed to switch off. Your time off should be used to recoup, relax and not to think about the case.

Easier said than done you thought.

Before you’d left the office on your mandated leave you’d taken photocopies of some files and slipped them into your bag. You knew you’d be in trouble if you were caught but you couldn’t help yourself. You wouldn’t be able to relax with this case still open.

As far as you were aware the BAU was still working on it but it provided you little comfort. In your time with the CIA you’d never gotten to be involved so heavily in a case. Your skills were mostly utilised in interview capacities and then you were sidelined.

You’d never had the privilege to work on a joint task force or investigate a crime so brutal.

You felt personally invested in this case. You thought if you could just find that one missing puzzle piece you could crack this case wide open.

And then you’d found it. The golden ticket. The smoking gun. The missing piece.

It had taken five days of your leave and copious amounts of coffee but you’d connected the dots no one else had.

You knew how to draw the unsub out. And you were going to do it tonight.

***

“Let’s start again from the beginning shall we?” Agent Rossi linked his fingers together on top of the table as he looked across at you, still slowly sipping your coffee.

“Oh goody.” You sighed. “Could Agent Jareau not fill you in what I’ve already told her?”

“Humour me.” The old man shrugged.

You didn’t have any ill will against him. Far from it. You were actually a big fan of David Rossi. But you were sick and tired of being treated like a criminal.

“Tell me how you managed to work out how to find him.”

You took another long sip of the coffee.

“All the pieces were there, they just hadn’t been put into place.”

“And how did you piece them together?”

“There was a pattern to where the women had been last seen. It was a guess more than anything. A lucky guess.”

“And the pattern was?”

You sighed in frustration.

“As I told agent Jareau,” you sipped your coffee. “The bars they were last seen in all had ties to Mexico. I’m not a native to DC but I know the area like the back of my hand. They were all either Mexican owned, had a Mexican name or were previously establishments such as Mexican restaurants. I made an educated guess that he frequented places such as these looking for his targets. I just got lucky I picked the right one.”

***

You felt incredibly exposed, but you supposed that was the point.

If you were going to get this guy's attention, you had to do this right.

It was a long shot. Just because Western’s bar was known for its famous tacos did not mean it would be the place he chose to pick up girls.

You just had to hope.

You wore a skimpy skirt that barely covered your ass, knee high boots and a crop top that accentuated your assets.

Your firearm was hidden in your left boot.

Your outfit garnered a lot of looks as you headed through Westerns towards the bar.

You felt men’s eyes on you from every angle, making you feel extremely self conscious. But you needed to keep your cool, exude confidence.

If your guy was here he needed to see you shine.

You ordered a soda to keep your head clear and sat at a table over the far side of the bar. From there you had a good view of the entrance and most of the room. And more importantly, the room had a view of you.

Three hours you sat there nursing your soda. It was a huge stab in the dark, you weren’t really surprised.

You finished your drink and headed out onto the cool DC street.

You made it five steps before you felt a presence behind you.

Just as you were about to turn, something covered your mouth.

You struggled against a pair of strong arms.

A smell wafted up your nose seconds before you lost consciousness.

Chloroform.

***

“Why didn’t you tell your unit chief before you went in?”

“Because I thought it was a long shot.” And because she would have been furious I was working the case.

“So you chose to use yourself as bait?”

“Yes.” You shrugged nonchalantly.

“Do you know how dangerous that could have been?” Rossi raised an eyebrow at you.

You had to refrain from rolling your eyes.

“Yes agent Rossi, I’m well aware. But I had a lead and I wasn’t going to ignore it.” You pulled Doctor Reid’s jacket tighter around your scantily clad body.

You caught his scent again. Coffee. Old books. A hint of peppermint.

Another long shut off memory wormed it’s way to the surface.

“So are you here visiting someone?”

“Yeah.” You smiled sadly. “My mom.”

“Oh.” He returned your sad smile. “Me too.”

“Agent Y/L/N?”

You were brought back by Rossi’s concerned voice.

“Hmm?”

“I said, what happened next? You were chloroformed and then what?”

You shook your head, your mind clouded.

“Can we take a break? I could really use some air.”

Rossi sighed with a small nod.

He stood from his chair and motioned you to follow him.

You got some odd looks from his fellow agents as he led you to the elevators. They all recognised what you were wearing as Spencer’s jacket.

You followed Rossi into the elevator and he pressed the button for the ground floor.

“Agent Rossi, can I ask you a strange question?” You asked as the doors closed.

He gave you a curious look.

“I suppose.”

“Doctor Reid. As in Spencer Reid?”

“The one and only.” Rossi frowned unsure what you were getting at.

“Where is he from?”

Rossi’s frown deepened, not sure he should tell you such things about his team. But you were an agent and you didn’t pose a threat to the team.

“Vegas I believe.”

Vegas. Of course.

“Ok.”

“Why do you want to know?”

“I don’t know.” You chewed your lip. “I think I might have known him.”

“Oh?”

You wished you hadn’t opened your mouth. This was not the time or place.

“I’m probably wrong. Just forget I said anything.”

The elevator came to a stop and the doors opened. As you stepped out you pulled Spencer’s collar to your nose and sniffed it.

No you weren’t wrong.

***

Las Vegas, Nevada - 1999

“Hi again.” You smiled at the lanky man, Spencer you’d met a few days ago. “How’s your mom?”

“Still angry at me.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and stubbed the toe of his shoe on the floor.

“She came in recently?”

“Yeah a few months ago. I turned eighteen and I was able to have her put into care.” He blanched, clearly feeling guilty for his decision.

“Do you want to grab a coffee?”

“Uhm sure.” He shrugged.

He followed you through to the day room. It was late and there were only a few patients inside and a few nurses milling around.

You got two cups of coffee from the machine and the two of you sat at a table together.

“Do you mind me asking what’s wrong with your mom?” You dared as you slid him the drink.

He sighed heavily, gnawing on his bottom lip as though his life depended on it.

“She’s a paranoid schizophrenic.” He spoke clinically, words he’d had to say too many times in his life. It was as though he’d distanced himself from it. Like he was giving a patient a diagnosis rather than talking about his own mother.

“Mine too.” You gave him a wry smile. You had something in common, just not something you would like to have in common.

“How long has your mom been here?”

“Three years. She got really bad and my dad couldn’t take care of her anymore. She’s been doing much better since she moved in here.”

“That’s good.” Spencer nodded. “I hope my mom realises I did this for her. For her well being. At the moment she’s just so...angry.”

You reached across the table and placed your hand on top of his. He seemed a little startled by the physical touch but you didn’t move your hand.

“This is the best place for her. I assume from what you said earlier your dad isn’t in the picture?”

He used his free hand to sip his coffee with a sad shake of his head.

“He left when I was ten. He couldn’t handle mom's illness.”

You gave his hand a small squeeze.

“I can’t imagine what it was like for you to have to look after her by yourself. It was hard enough with my dad there. Really makes you grow up fast.”

“It really does.” He agreed. “I’m not sure I ever got to be a kid.”

“I know that feeling.”

After that you spent hours chatting about anything and everything until way into the night. It wasn’t until a nurse came and asked you politely to leave that you realised how late it was.

“I’ll probably see you around?” You spoke as you stepped outside together.

“Maybe. In a few weeks I’m heading out of state. I’m working on a PhD.” He didn’t want to tell you it was actually his second PhD.

“Oh. Ok.” You tried to hide the disappointment from your voice.

Despite the circumstances you’d enjoyed talking to someone like minded, someone who understood. You didn’t have anyone else your own age you could talk to about this kind of thing.

“Maybe we could exchange numbers?” You blushed a little.

“I don’t have a cellphone.” He shrugged.

“Oh.”

“It’s not an excuse.” He sensed you didn’t believe him. “I’m not so into technology. I don’t even have email.”

Normally you would have thought it was just a bad excuse to get out of seeing you again but the look on Spencer’s face told you he was being genuine.

“Ok.” You gave him a shy smile. “Well maybe I’ll see you again before you leave.”

“I hope so.” His eyes sparkled as he looked at you on the dark street.

There was an air between you, some kind of thick tension but you didn’t know what it meant.

“If I don’t see you again,” you spoke trying to ignore whatever it was. “It was really good to meet you and I hope your mom gets used to the facility.”

“You too.” He smiled so genuinely at you, it made your heart skip a beat.

And then you went your separate ways.

***

“Ok, so what happened next?” Rossi wasted no time once you were back in the interrogation room.

“Well I blacked out after I was chloroformed so excuse me if I don’t remember.” You gave him a sarcastic smile.

“What’s the next thing you do remember?” He reworded his question.

“I woke up in a large basement. It was gritty and dingy. And there were other women there too.”

“How many?”

“At least twenty.” You sighed letting your mind travel back to the basement you never wanted to go back to. Not even in your mind.

***

You woke with a start, your head pounding. You gasped for air as though you’d been drowning.

You blinked your eyes trying to adjust to the dark room you found yourself in.

It was cold and damp and you could hear a pipe dripping in the distance.

You tried to roll over but your arm wouldn’t budge. You were met by a loud clanking sound when you tried.

You tugged your arm, hearing the same sound and being met with a sharp pain in your wrist.

“Good luck.” A woman’s voice scoffed. “They don’t come loose.”

You blinked a few more times, looking over to your left arm. There was a heavy metal cuff right around your wrist that was attached to a metal bed frame.

That’s when you realised you were laying on a small cot on top of a ratty, itchy blanket. You were still dressed, thank god.

You suddenly remembered your firearm concealed in your boot. You patted your left calf and sure enough you felt the hard weapon still inside.

That was something at least.

Oversight on their part.

You remembered the voice you’d heard before and turned as much as you could with your arm cuffed to take in the rest of the room.

There were at least forty other cots close together lining the walls, with at least half of them containing the body of other women.

The voice you’d heard belonged to a woman in the cot next to you. She gave you a smile but it didn’t reach her eyes.

Her eyes were broken.

“Hi,” you croaked. “I’m Y/N.”

“Delilah.” Her accent was Spanish. You were sure Delilah wasn’t her real name either.

“How long have you been here?”

She sighed, playing with a strand of curly black hair.

“What month is it?”

“September.”

“Oh.” She frowned. “Not that long then. I’ve been here since July.” She looked confused as though that couldn’t be long enough.

“Delilah?” You narrowed your eyes on her. “What year do you think it is?”

“2018…” she saw your face drop and knew instantly it was no longer 2018.

“Oh gosh.” You felt for her, tears welling in your eyes. “It’s 2020.”

“Oh.” Her face fell. “Wow.”

“It’s ok.” You lowered your voice. “I’m CIA. I’m going to get us out of here. I promise I’ll keep you safe.”

***

“Delilah.” Rossi opened the file in front of him. “Was that Roberta Suez?”

He pulled out a photograph and slid it across the table. You averted your gaze.

“Yes and please I don’t need to see it, I was there.”

“How did she end up in hospital fighting for her life?”

“You know how.” You huffed. “Look I’m starting to get fed up with this now.” You folded your arms. “Carlos Ramirez was a sick son of a bitch. If I hadn’t done what I did he would have killed all those women. I don’t regret what I did.”

“How did she end up in hospital?” He repeated.

“Good lord.” You grumbled. “I’ll talk but I don’t want to talk to you.”

Rossi narrowed his eyes on you.

“No? But I’m so compassionate.” He spoke sarcastically.

“I won’t say another word unless it’s to Reid.” You looked up to the two way mirror. You didn’t know why but you had a feeling he was there.

Sure enough it was barely twenty seconds before the door opened and Doctor Reid himself stepped in the room.

“I got this Rossi.” Spencer told the older man who stood up with a shrug.

Rossi left the room while Spencer took the seat he’d been occupying.

Did he remember you? It had been close to twenty years since you’d last seen each other. Had it not been for the olfactory memory that struck you when you put on his jacket you might never have remembered him.

But you knew the rest of his team was behind the two way glass, or at least some of them were so it didn’t seem an appropriate time to ask such things.

“So agent Y/L/N,” he smiled softly at you. “Can you please tell me how Delilah ended up in hospital?”

“You already know the answer to that Doctor but since you asked so nicely,” you leant your elbows on the table, entwined your fingers and rested your chin the little bridge you’d created. “She had a drug overdose. But you and I both know it wasn’t her who administered the drugs.”

“And who did?”

“I did.”

Your words hung in the air between you and Spencer. He knew the answer, the whole team did. You’d already told Agent Jareau everything.

This was a huge waste of time.

“I administered the drugs because he told me if I didn’t he would kill me. I needed to stay alive so I could save those women.”

“Who said he would kill you?”

“I don’t know his name.”

“It wasn’t Ramirez?”

“No.” You shook your head. “If it was Ramirez I would have shot him. But it must have been one of his right hand men.”

“How would you know that? You’d never met Ramirez correct?” Spencer had a soft tone to his voice which made his line of questioning easier than Agent Jareau’s.

“I’m not a profiler but I’ve been to enough seminars over the years. He didn’t fit the bill. He was young, scatty, he didn’t strike as much fear into the other women as I thought the boss would. I made an educated guess and I was right. If I’d shot at him I would have blown my chance at getting Ramirez.”

***

“Shit shit shit!” You pulled yourself as close to Delilah’s cot as possible with your restraint. “Delilah, keep breathing, try to breath. Fuck I am sorry.”

Tears rolled down your cheeks, the empty needle you’d been made to inject in her vein between your cots on the floor.

He’d held a gun to your head and said he would shoot you if you didn’t do it. You didn’t think he was bluffing.

“It happens a lot.” A woman opposite spoke up. “You’ll soon find out. If she wakes up she’ll have the pleasure of returning the favour.” She gave you an almost manic grin.

If she wakes up. It was the if you were having the issue with.

“Who’s in charge around here?”

She shrugged.

“Don’t know his name. Big guy. Tattoos. Mustache. You can’t miss him.”

“Does he come down here often?”

Again she shrugged.

“Being down here you have a way of losing track of time.” She clicked her tongue. “But he’ll be here for you later. He has to test his new girls.”

Your blood ran cold.

“Test?” You swallowed, pretty sure you knew what she meant.

“He can’t very well expect you to make him money if he doesn’t know how good you are.”

Oh god.

Your heartbeat raced. No, it was not going to come to that. You were a CIA agent and you were armed.

It was not going to come to that.

***

Spencer’s face paled a little at your words. You hadn’t told Agent Jareau that part.

“He was going to...he didn’t…”

“No.” You cut him off, pushing the memory back down. “I had a gun, remember.”

You offered him a wry smile.

“So you know what comes next.”

“I’d like you to tell me.”

The way he said it was more like he was a therapist than an FBI agent. As though he wanted you to tell him so you could get it off your chest, unburden yourself, rather than for interrogation purposes.

“Ok.” You nodded. “He came for me later that night. And that’s when it happened.”

***

“Ahh look at you.”

A deep, Spanish voice woke you.

Your eyes fluttered open and landed on a strong, tattooed man with a mustache standing over your cot.

This must be him.

“Tan hermosa.”

So beautiful.

You tried not to shudder.

You sat up wiggling your legs in your boots to make sure you could still feel your firearm. You could.

“Su nombre es Rosa.”

Your name is Rosa.

Guess again.

“Su nombre es Y/N.”

“Tú hablas español?”

You speak Spanish?

“Si.”

“Eres perfecta.” He grinned menacingly. “My clients will love you.”

He reached in his pocket and fished out a key chain. He reached over you and unlocked your cuff.

You rolled your wrist to try and get your blood circulating again.

“On your feet.”

You complied and stood up. Your legs were shaky.

He grasped your wrist, hard enough so you couldn’t wriggle free but not hard enough to leave a mark. He started dragging you across the room.

With his free hand he undid the four locks on the large steel door and pulled your through it. Once on the other side he took care to lock them all again, keeping a firm grasp on you the whole time.

You were dragged down a long, narrow corridor towards another steel door, this one with just one lock on.

He slid the key in and opened it, pulled you inside and locked it behind him.

The room was much smaller than the one you’d been held in and only housed a single cot.

He licked his lip as he looked at you. His large, thick fingers stroked your cheek and you had to try and hide your disgust.

“En la cama. Ahora.”

On the bed. Now.

You had to pick the opportune moment. You had to plan this just right. You had no doubt he had a gun on him so if you faltered even slightly, he would kill you.

“Qué tal esto.”

How about this.

You made a show of licking your lips and then dropping to your knees in front of him.

“Whoa, feisty. I like it.” He grinned, his meaty hands going to his belt buckle.

Yes. Right where you wanted him.

While he was fumbling with his belt, you reached your hand back into your left boot, drawing your gun in one swift move.

You head butted him in the crotch, sending him stumbling backwards, crying out in pain.

“Mierda!” Shit. “Usted puta!”

You whore!

You were on your feet in a second, your gun trained on him.

“You will never hurt another woman again.” You spat, furious tears suddenly streaming from your eyes.

He looked up at you, his mouth opened to speak.

But the words didn’t come out as your bullet hit him between the eyes.

“Who’s the puta now?”

***

“I would say,” Spencer chewed his lip. “You did what you had to do to survive.”

You breathed a sigh of relief.

Thank god.

“Thank you.” You smiled softly. “And I did. If I hadn’t shot him, who knows how many other women would have died.”

Spencer pushed his chair back and stood up.

“Just so you know, we got word from the hospital a little while ago. Roberta Suez, Delilah, is going to be just fine.”

“Oh thank god.” You felt tears brimming your eyes.

He opened the door and turned back to you.

“Are you coming?”

“I can leave?”

“You were never under arrest.” He smirked at you.

You couldn’t help but laugh.

You got up from the chair and Spencer motioned you out of the room.

“I’ll walk you out.” He showed you across the bullpen towards the elevators. There was an awkward air between the two of you.

Did you say anything? It didn’t seem as though he remembered you, was it worth reminding him?

He motioned you into the elevator first and he followed, pressing the button.

The elevator started its descent.

Time was running out.

“So uhm…” Spencer turned to you and turned too. “How’s your mom?”

A smile broke out on your features.

“I didn’t think you remembered me.”

“Are you kidding?” He laughed. “I recognised you the second you walked in.”

“It’s been twenty years.” You laughed.

“Eighteen years, seven months.” He corrected you. “But I could never forget your face.”

You blushed a little, averting your gaze.

“My moms doing ok. Thanks for asking. How’s your mom?” You looked back at him.

“Recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.” He told you sadly.

“Oh gosh I’m so sorry.”

“It’s ok. These things happen.” He shrugged. “Made it to thirty without having a schizophrenic break but now I have to wait until I’m older to find out if I’ll develop Alzheimer’s.”

The doors to the elevator opened and you stepped out, Spencer close behind.

“I really am sorry Spencer.”

“It’s ok.” He shrugged. “Is your mom still at Bennington? I used to see her when I went to visit my mom but I moved her out a little while ago.”

“Yeah she’s still there. She likes being close to my dad.”

You both hovered by the exit, not ready to say goodbye.

“Can I take you for coffee? If you don’t have anywhere else to be.” Spencer blushed as he spoke.

“I’d like that. A lot actually. But I’d really like to shower and change out of this getup.” You laughed. “How about dinner?”

“Dinner sounds perfect.” He grinned at you.

You gave him a smile and turned to leave but before you made it to the door Spencer spoke again.

“Y/N,” he called your name, his voice cracking a little. “You uh...you forgot something.”

You turned to face him curiously.

He walked closer to you and without a second thought, placed his hands on your face and kissed you.

For a second you stood frozen, in shock of what was going on.

But after a few moments you wrapped your arms around his neck and opened your mouth to deepen the kiss.

When the kiss ended you were both smiling at one another.

“What was that for?” You asked softly.

“Oh you know…” he shrugged with a coy smile. “Just something that needed to be done.”

“I’ll meet you back here in a few hours.” You told him, touching his chest briefly.

“Ok.”

“Bye Spencer Reid.”

“Bye Y/N Y/L/N.” He croaked.

And with that you sauntered out the doors but not out of his life.

***

Las Vegas, Nevada - 1999

“Spencer?” You’d only made it a few paces away from Bennington before you stopped in your tracks, calling his name. “You uh...you forgot something.”

He turned to face you curiously.

You walked closer to him and without a second thought, placed your hands on his face and kissed him.

He stood frozen, in shock of what was going on.

It was just a brief kiss, Spencer was too confused to do anything but stand there dumbly.

“Wh-what was that for?” He swallowed.

“Just something that needed to be done.” You smiled. “Bye Spencer Reid.”

“Bye Y/N Y/L/N.”

And with that you sauntered back down the street, hoping that one day, the universe would lead you back into each other’s lives.

—————————————————————

Taglist (let me know if you would like to be added) -

@muffin-cup

@andiebeaword

@mggsprettygirl @measure-in-pain

[reidyoulikeabook]

Sometimes You Just Don’t Know the Answer

4 times you don’t know the answer, and the 1 time you do

This is the 2nd part to Personal Google! (You don’t have to read it to understand this, but it exists if you want to).

Ship: BAU!reader x Spencer Reid

Summary: You’d call yourself a pretty educated individual, and most people wouldn’t argue with that, given that you’re a member of the BAU at Quantico. There’s just something about your best friend Spencer Reid that gets you all tongue tied.

Warnings: Mentions of cases and case-typical violence, mentions of alcohol, Spencer and Reader being idiots again.

Word count: 3k

A/N: The feedback (in asks and the tag reblogs) for Personal Google was so lovely and encouraging and I am very grateful for it! I only made this account a few days ago and I’m already so glad I did :) I hope this is a satisfactory second part and, requests are open!

(This is the Reid I’m imagining here)

“What is up with you and Reid?” Emily’s volume is unmoderated at the best of times but right now it’s like she’s trying to alert the entirety of Virginia to your dating woes.

Dating woes might be a stretch, actually. Somehow, just her implication that something is happening between you and Spencer (even though it isn’t, unless you count two exhausted idiots falling asleep on each other and being too bashful to ever mention it again), is enough to get you feeling uncharacteristically shy.

“Nothing,” you shrug, “Well. I don’t know, honestly, nothing I guess? We haven’t spoken about that night.”

Emily’s eyes rake over you, and you can tell she’s waiting for you to continue.

“There’s nothing!” you object, “We just, it was accidental, we fell asleep because we were watching a documentary and we were tired and neither of us fell asleep on purpose.”

She laughs, dry and amused, “At this rate, you’ll be lucky to have sorted things out before you’re 50.”

You scowl, but it’s only because you know she’s right.

***

You don’t have much time to think about your situation with Spencer for a few weeks, considering the rate at which the cases come rolling in. This newest one arrives within about two days of the last one you’d just wrapped up. It’s actually kind of rude, you’ve decided, that the serial killers of America have decided to deny you two weekends in a row.

You’re briefed on the case quickly: four women have gone missing over the past 7 months from a small town in Ohio. There’s no distinct pattern that can be discerned among the victims, the oldest is 60 and white, the youngest is 23 and Asian-American. However, the first three have been found dead in the past two weeks, all within a mile of each other and all killed with the same MO: ligature strangulation.

“So we have no idea how he’s choosing them,” you say.

“No,” Hotch replies, with a sigh.

Meaning that this is probably going to take a while. Spencer senses the way you tense up a little as you absorb that fact. So he goes out of his way to sit next to you on the plane. Once the discussion about the case is done, he nudges you gently, “Did you bring a book?”

You shake your head, “I finished the one in my go-bag. Didn’t have a chance to replace it.”

“Would you like to read this with me?”

You place your hand on his wrist, gently turning it so you can see the cover, “Spencer this is written in Greek.”

“I can translate,” he says.

You move closer to him then, your head resting just against his plane seat and your chin almost jutting against his shoulder.

“Is this okay?”

He nods. The remaining 45 minutes of the flight are spent with him reading to you softly, adding in his own thoughts as he translates and sometimes going off on little tangents. By the time you land you’ve entirely forgotten about your ire with the case. You’re focused only on the characters he introduces you to, who are clearly in love even if they’re too stupid to see it, and the way his nose crinkles a little when he reaches a word with no direct English translation.

Whhat you don’t realise, is that you end up folding into him: head pressed against his chest. Somehow, neither of you notice how you naturally gravitate towards each other. Some pair of profilers.

--

Hotch sends you in different cars to the precinct, and you’re soon reminded of your frustration as you’re caught up in the hub-a-bub of the case. It’s not until you’re leaving the station, after a long and relatively fruitless briefing with the medical examiners and local PD, that you even have time to acknowledge Spencer properly again.

And even then, it’s only when Hotch says.

"You'll be sharing a room with Reid, alright?"

He’s only really asking as a formality. Nobody questions Hotch’s assignments for them. So why, then, do you feel yourself flush a little.

Why then, do you feel so embarassed replying, “Alright.”

***

There was nothing much to be nervous about with sharing a room, as it so happened. The past day and a half had been a whirlwind since the unsub had snatched a fifth victim. You’d been sleeping in shifts, making sure that some of you were awake at all times to keep working.

You were working on the geographical profile with Spencer, and had taken to driving around to look for landmarks at night, when there was nothing much else to do. There were maps but sometimes it helped just to get things embedded in your brain. And now, at 4am, you’re bursting into the conference room occupied by Spencer and Rossi, because you might just have got something.

"I have an idea,” you say, and before anybody can even respond you’re scribbling hurriedly on the whiteboard.

“Slow down kiddo,” Rossi laughs.

“Sorry I’m just,” you cut yourself off, slightly flustered and tapping your foot with frustration as you try to put the last pieces of it together, “Diana Matthews.”

“Yeah?” Spencer responds.

“She was the one who lived on Lakefield right?” Rossi asks.

Annoyingly, you can’t remember off rote. Spencer sees the pinch of frustration in your brow. He senses that you’re heading for the case file.

So, he answers, “Yeah 38 Lakefield Drive.”

Smiling gratefully at him, you breathe a sigh of relief, “There’s three different stores in the area for this local electronic repair company, Gladston Digital, in this area. Two of them aren’t accounted for on the maps because these are from last year, and one of the ones on Google is pinned to the wrong street, there are two Minister Avenues and one’s on the complete opposite side of town.”

Denoting the map with annotations as you go, you continue, “All of the victims had residences within a mile of one of the three stores. And we interviewed the area manager, Paul something, he manages all three stores. He came to speak to me and Hotch while we were scoping the area.”

“Inserting himself into the investigation,” Rossi notes, “Fits the profile. A stalker like that would want to remain an illusion of control.”

“I just need to get Garcia on the phone to see if it checks out.”

Spencer just watches, slightly in awe, as you make the phone call to Garcia. She manages to cross-reference bank statements and emails, showing that all five of the victims had taken something of theirs in for repair sometime in the year before their disappearance. And he feels something in his gut. Pride? Maybe. That’s certainly a part of it.

But there’s something else in there too. Your eyes meet his, with a flicker of recognition. He realises what it is then: marvel. Your brain works so fast, and that’s not novel to him, he knows you’re intelligent but there’s just something about how fast you manage to put it all together. You conjure something out of nothing, a link that he’d missed. And he’s reminded, again, that he has to try and keep up with you sometimes. He wonders if you know that.

Probably not, he thinks. You’re rambling down the phone and gesturing with your hands, in a way you may or may not have picked up from him, and all he can think is how you look so in your element. And beautiful.

He’s a little embarassed about how normal it feels for that last observation to pop into his head.

***

“To _____!” Prentiss cheers.

8pm has rolled around. Since your revelation 16 hours earlier, you managed to confirm your thinking, apprehend Paul Bader, and save the fifth victim. All in all, a pretty good days work. It’s not just down to you, but everyone’s singing your praises so loudly it’s making you a little embarassed.

Even Hotch sets a drink down in front of you, squeezing your shoulder, “Really good work today ____.”

Fair to say you’ve probably peaked there.

Spencer is sat to your left, sipping at a Mai Tai that you know is going to have him giggly in about an hours time.

“I wasn’t trying to keep you out before,” you tell him, “I was going to come and wake you up when I got back but you were in the conference room.”

He smiles, “I know. It was my shift to sleep.”

“Bet you’re paying for that now.”

“A little,” he chuckles, “It’s worth it.”

"I just didn’t want you to think I was hanging you out to dry. You know, to make myself look good,” you decide to press further: mostly just because the team has sung your praises and that kind of attention makes you shirk at the best of times. Let alone when you’re sat with the guy responsible for creating half the damn profile.

His eyebrows furrow. You worry for a minute about what he’s going to say, but then, “I would never think that about you. We’re a team.”

He squeezes your hand. Maybe that’s your favourite thing about Spencer, really. More than the fact he remembers to get your caffeine just how you like it, more than how gentle he is with just about everybody he encounters, more than his relentless enthusiasm for your questions about whatever pops into your mind. No, it’s his modesty. The way he doesn’t even think for a moment to be prideful or arrogant about his intelligence. He genuinely roots for you in every moment, you think.

“Are you okay?” he asks, “You seem a little..quiet.”

It wasn’t until he mentioned it that you realise you’d let your thoughts run away with you, “No. I’m good. Just thinking about how good of a teacher you are.”

“You think so?”

“Of course I think so. You’ve taught me. I didn’t know the first thing about geographical profiling when I got here two years ago. I could barely read a map,” you laugh, keeping your tone sincere, “You’re a really good teacher Spence. I feel like I learn so much from just being around you.”

“I often don’t give you much choice.”

You smile, “I wouldn’t want you to. Really. I’m always interested in everything you have to say. I think you know that. But I wanted to tell you anyway. So you’re sure.”

He’s incredibly grateful you get pulled into a conversation by Morgan, giving him a moment to process.

A lifetime of being insecure. Of feeling like nobody was interested in what he had to say but not being able to really control whether he said it anyway. All this time being insecure in himself, and you liked it. Complimented him on it, even. Considered him a teacher. He doesn’t think he could articulate, in any of the languages he speaks, the sense of peace that brings him.

-----

The Mai Tai’s do make him sleepy. Buzzed, but sleepy. After being bought rounds by Hotch, Morgan, and Spencer, you’re feeling exactly the same. It’s only 10:30pm by the time you decide to make your departure for the night. This is much to the chagrin of Emily, who lolls against Rossi’s side demanding that you stay.

“Some of us have been up since 4 this morning, breaking their backs to keep this country safe,” You tease, putting on a melodramatic air just for affect, “Besides, you’re going to regret this when you have to be up and back on the jet in the morning.”

“You will, especially since you still owe me that report,” Hotch teases, with a smile.

Emily rolls her eyes, “You two are no fun.”

She’s joking, goading you, but unfortunately for her you have a sleepy Spencer nuzzling against you which is a far more pressing matter to deal with.

“Come on Spence, let’s get you to bed,” You say, gently wiggling out from under him and offering him your hand.

He pouts at the momentary loss of contact. It’s subtle. You catch it though. He links his fingers through your own, holding your hand properly, and you try not to read into it too much. He’s tipsy. He’s tired.

Ignoring the deliberately obvious eyebrow-wiggling from Morgan, you make for the lift.

“You didn’t have to come to bed just for me,” Spencer says, “I feel bad for taking you away from the others. I’m not that drunk, I could get myself to bed.”

You shake your head, “I wanted to go to bed with you.”

His eyes snap to you, a grin playing on his lips.

“I mean, I wanted to go to bed. And we’re sharing a room. So I’m going to bed with you. As in we’re going to the place where bed is, together.”

He’s just enough tipsy to be confident enough to jest, “Sure.”

You roll your eyes, “You sound like Morgan.”

“What did Morgan say?”

“Don’t act like you don’t know exactly what Morgan always says whenever anybody goes off together.”

“That they’re having sex,” He giggles, tipsiness shining through again.

“Yes, Spence, that they’re having sex.”

“But we’re not.”

The elevator dings as you arrive at your floor, saving your brain from delving into the implications of what he’s just said. And whether that was a disappointed or netural tone.

He hasn’t let go of your hand. He walks to the door with you, still keeping your hand in his. It’s hard not to let yourself read into it now. How holding hands with him could be such a casual thing. Hard not to imagine walking through bookshops with him, one hand in yours and the other picking books off the shelf he thought you’d like. The domesticity of it sickens you.

Then he lets go to cross to the bed.

“Aren’t you gonna put your pyjama’s on?” You ask.

“I wasn’t gonna sleep yet,” he says, “I was gonna...”

He looks bashful, suddenly, self-consciously licking his lower lip, “I was gonna ask if maybe you wanted to watch something with me. You can pick. I always pick.”

“This an excuse to get me in bed with you again, Spence?” You tease, just past tipsy enough not to care that this is the first time you’ve even acknowledged that night.

"Yeah, the Pearl Harbour ruse doesn’t work twice,” he jokes.

You wish you could find the courage to tease him more. Unfortunately, the liquid courage seems to have run out, and the topic somehow feels too delicate to touch.. Instead, you change quickly into your pyjama’s. Together, you pick something to watch, settling down. You’re suddenly thankful for the single bed, the necessity to be cozied up against him as you watch. To feel his chest, every beat of his heart. You swear it’s beating fast. Or maybe that’s just wishful thinking.

***

Just like last time, you wake up huddled against Spencer. Unlike last time, there’s no Emily banging the door down to drag you to the police station. No, it’s quiet.

You can’t see what time it is because there’s a Spencer between you and the clock. Your phone is in your back pocket but it’s hard to find any motivation whatsoever to move when you’re like this: face pressed into his chest, his head resting atop of yours so a single curl of his hair tickles your nose, his hand on your hip holding you against him.  

His eyelashes flutter, “Are you awake?”

“Yeah. I just woke up.”

He smiles, “Me too.”

“Looks like we did it again.”

“Looks like we did,” his voice is quiet.

“Do you want me to move? If I’m...I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

His free hand comes up to your chin, tipping it so you’re looking him directly in the eyes. His pupils are dilated. In the dim light it’s hard to place the look on his face exactly. But it’s soft.

"C-Can I kiss you?” the question spills quickly from his lips, like he’s afraid he’ll change his mind if he doesn’t get it out fast, “I just. I don’t know if that’s what you want too, I’ve just really-”

"Kiss me, Spence. Please kiss me.”

The smile on his face would have made you fall in love with him, if you weren’t already. And then he kisses you. Barely. Your lips are just grazing against one anothers. You tilt yourself upwards, towards him, giving him a better angle. Then he really kisses you, capturing your lips in his. It’s sweet, it’s soft, it’s...it’s everything. It’s everything, how his hands tangle themselves tentatively in your hair, how he kisses you so deeply, drinking you in.

His hand cups your cheek, then he’s pulling back, just a tiny bit, to mumble against your lips, “I’ve wanted to do this for so long.”

The only appropriate way you can think to verbalise your agreement, is closing the gap between your lips again. There’s an urgency to it this time. Your lips move quickly, passionately. He swipes his tongue across your lower lip and you let him in, your tongues delicately dancing together. He’s good. He’s good and you don’t even notice the morning breath or faint taste of rum, it’s just Spencer.

When you finally come apart, you’re out of breath.

“I didn’t think you’d ever do that,” you say, “I was worried I was reading this whole thing wrong.”

He frowns then, that little nose crinkle appearing again, “I thought I was too obvious.”

“So did I. Maybe it’s best if we don’t tell Hotch how bad we are at profiling each other. He might rethink his decision to take us on.”

He laughs, “Not being able to profile when somebody’s in love with you might be a cause for concern. There are several obvious phyical signs of love, including dilation of pupils when looking at the object of your affection, heart rate synchronisation.”

“How am I supposed to know if our heart rates have synchronised?”

He smiles. Pressing a finger to your lips, he dips his head in the small chasm between your two chests. In the silence, in the early morning quiet, in the absence of all distraction you can hear it. The steady thrum of your hearts, pounding away at identical paces. The sound that told you that some part of you had always known.

--------------

Tagslist: @takeyourleap-of-faith​​ @sassiest-politician​​ (let me know if you’d like to be added/removed from this list)

[charlie-rulerofhell]

For they know exactly what they do

Today there was a pretty long article published in the German newspaper FAZ, written by Julia Schaaf. Since there were quite a few interesting topics raised in it and Måneskin talked about some new aspects (or in more detail), I translated the whole thing (it might also have helped me to procrastinate).

Full interview in English under the cut.

For they know exactly what they do

June 22, 2021

Four young rock musicians from Rome are today's hottest band. Måneskin are enchanting Europe. Why? We met them for an interview.

Every romance needs its founding myth, an anecdote from the beginning, something you can tell later in more difficult times for self-assurance.

In the case of the band Måneskin, who first had Italy and now half of Europe wrapped around their fingers, and who are now trying to conquer the rest of the world with their rock music, there is the story of the shoe box. Rome, around five years ago: Four teenagers who are meeting every day after school in their rehearsal room to make music together, and sometimes they play their songs on the Via del Corso in the city centre in front of a changing audience. One day they want to record their own stuff. They find a studio that they can actually afford and as they go there they bring a shoe box, with the name of the band written on it, 'moonshine' in Danish, the bassist's mother is Danish. In the box: around seven kilogram of coins. The things you get from playing music on the streets. Everyone searching through Instagram for photos from that time can find four hippies with children's faces, three boys in batik, the girl is wearing a straw hat.

As they have to pay [for the recording], frontman Damiano David, 22, says that there was this guy, Angelo, and his bandmate Victoria De Angelis, 21, is interrupting: “No, Andrea, not Angelo”, and all of them have to laugh because a rigid studio manager with the Italian name 'angel' would be even funnier for a founding myth. David continues his story: “The guy was completely dumbfounded. 'We can't do that.' We went: 'Sure we can, that's worth the same even if it's just 20 cent coins, it's still 300 euros.” Thomas Raggi, 20, the guitarist of the band, is gasping for air as he laughs, while drummer Ethan Torchio, 20, is smiling dreamily. David finishes: “And then we snuck off before he was able to count it.” [the German text says 'verdrücken' here which is just a colloquial way of saying 'we left', but it entails some sort of a dramatic exit, so yeah, let your thoughts get creative how they left exactly :D].

Four young musicians on the verge of global fame are sitting on a white interview sofa in Berlin, completely styled, babbling across each other like overeager teenagers.

Ever since the Roman band first won the music festival Sanremo and then also the Eurovision Song Contest, carried by the enthusiasm of European viewers, you could say Måneskin has become a phenomenon. “Rock 'n' Roll never dies!”, Damiano David yelled fueled by the adrenaline of winning, and the insinuation that circulated on social media of the singer snorting during the counting of votes in front of a live camera – including their strict denial followed by a negative drug test result – might have given an additional boost to their public interest, their exploding album, ticket and merch sales, and their outstanding success on Spotify.

“We think it's a shit prejudice against rock music that there always have to be drugs involved. We fully threw ourselves into our participation with the utmost professionalism. We give everything for the music. So of course we don't want people to think that we can only do that because we take drugs.” – Victoria De Angelis

Prior to Eurovision, Måneskin was more of an insider's tip outside of Italy. Handmade rock music, not creating something entirely new but paying homage to the good old times with classic guitar riffs and cracking drum beats, being a lot of fun but also quite fragile and vulnerable at times and, first and foremost, conveying a captivating energy. Finally, on the stage of Rotterdam, live after so many months of isolation and renunciation, this wave of energy spilled straight over into European living rooms. It seemed easy to (mistakenly) interpret the winning song “Zitti e buoni” (Shut up and behave) as a declaration of frustration of our youth in times of a pandemic. In fact, singer Damiano David is singing about the favourite topic of the band: the unrelenting need to, against all odds, be yourself, despite or perhaps because you are different. The message fits their provocative sex appeal, which the band uses to demonstrate their independence of gender norms at any given time. But the core essence of rock music has always been the promise of unlimited freedom.

Thus at the first moment, the meeting with Måneskin is kind of startling. It's Wednesday, we are in the top floor of the new Sony head quarters in Berlin. The four Italians have just started their two-week long promotion tour through Europe. In the afternoon there will be a live concert in a queer club [the SchwuZ, but that's not mentioned here] in Neukölln, which will be streamed via TikTok. Around one million viewers will watch the show, some of them even from Brazil, so people at Sony are pretty excited [for Måneskin to come here]. But at first, these stunningly gorgeous creatures [yes, that's the exact wording :D] are standing surrounded by an entourage of people – their management, PR team, a stylist, a photographer, people who can hold a smartphone or a cigarette if needed [this paragraph is worded a little weirdly, especially taking into account that basically their whole team / 'entourage' is just friends of them, but it seems like the journalist didn't know that or maybe they just wanted to describe their first impression]. They seem like fictional / artificial characters out of a Hollywood movie. Transparent frill blouses with blazers and flared leather trousers, even the platform boots, everything brand-new, the makeup makes their faces look like a glossy magazine cover even in person. The smokey eyes of De Angelis and Raggi make them look smug and bored. Later, on the pictures it will probably look cool.

So of course your first impression might be: This band is under contract to industry giant Sony ever since their success on an Italian casting show [X Factor] in Winter 2017. The music industry must have its hand in the game when a band is photographed half-naked by Oliviero Toscani and styled by Etro. Also, one does not simply rent a villa with a pool in Rome to produce new music there, isolated from the rest of the world. And who else went to London for two whole months, shortly before the winter lockdown, just for inspiration? After the TikTok concert in Berlin – De Angelis and David are now wearing fishnet shirts that sparkle with every move, their bare nipples covered with an X of black tape – the band is posing with a few influencers. In the world of social media you would call that 'producing content'. But what does that mean for a band who are preaching their hosanna of authenticity? How authentic is Måneskin? And is their pointedly casual approach to sexuality and gender cliches in today's pop-cultural spirit more than a marketing strategy?

We're in the interview, the recording device is running for not even five minutes, when Victoria De Angelis says: “Actually, we just try to be ourselves and do what we really want to do.” And really: The more you listen to those four how they speak about the early days of the band in their slurred Roman dialect, about the shoe box and their own experiences with being different, but most importantly about their shared obsession [with music], the more you realise that [De Angelis] is  very serious. Ethan Torchio, who got his first drum kit at the age of six or seven from his father because he was beating everything he could reach, says: “For me, music is like food. I cannot live without it.” The bassist next to him laughs at his pathos. Singer Damiano David applauds the otherwise more reserved friend for his truthfulness [it says 'klarer Punkt', meaning 'for the point he makes', but it makes it seem like Damiano is agreeing with Ethan here, although it doesn't indicate whether he agrees that yes, music is everything for Ethan or that he understands and feels the same].

De Angelis and guitarist Raggi already knew each other from middle school and they were the ones who tried to form a band at the age of only 13, a band that actually took music seriously.

De Angelis: “It's just difficult at that age to find other people who really put everything into music and who truly commit themselves and are willing to invest a lot of their time.”

Raggi: “We set strict rules and scheduled fixed times for the rehearsals, for every day.”

David: “Fever, stomach ache, there was no excuse. Even if you were feeling sick in the rehearsal room. At least you were in the rehearsal room.”

The way the four of them talk across each other, completing each other's sentences, taking turns in talking and sometimes joking about each other, seems intimate and playful. Singer David remembers how at first bassist [De Angelis] was merciless towards him when it came to her first metal band project, as she told him that he wasn't committed enough [to the music]: “Back then I was still playing Basketball. I was one of the people that Vic absolutely didn't want [in her band].” Drummer Torchio was later discovered through Facebook, even though there had already been a drummer, a close friend, but he was not good enough. It seems as if even back then music was everything for them. Even if it meant that only Raggi managed to graduate.

And why rock, why rock music of all things? Because it's great, the four of them say in unison. David adds: “Actually, it's a genre that allows you to do everything you want to do.”

When they played on the street, they were laughed at by their classmates. But not only there. De Angelis explains that she never wanted to be a typical girl: “I was always deterred by those stupid boxes that people put you in, and that are just restricting and constraining you, because something is only regarded as male or female. I always rejected that. Instead, I just wanted to do the things I enjoyed doing, I went skating and played football.” Torchio says: “Friends who are not friends anymore were already telling me at the age of ten that those“ – he grabs his long, silky black hair – “were wrong. Because I'm a boy and boys are meant to have short hair, long hair is only for girls. I was bullied a lot for that.”

“Compared to the past, people in our age became much more open-minded. It gets better.” – Thomas Raggi

Frontman David on the other hand, for whom eye shadow, jingling earrings and nail polish as well as his bare torso with the tattoos have become trademarks by now, says: “I was actually more of the average boy.” De Angelis convinced him to try out some eyeliner, which he describes as a spiritual awakening: “I liked myself much more [with makeup]. I saw myself more as myself. As if it had been a suppressed desire of mine.” On a trip to Copenhagen with the others, when he realised that it really didn't matter what people were thinking about him, he got his first fake fur [coat? the article doesn't specify that] in a second-hand shop and let his clothing style be guided by his own love to experiment: “I realised that my whole life I was just going at half speed.” When it comes to diversity all four of them are becoming almost missionary.

At the same time, their success is not only opening doors for them. Back home in Rome they are barely able to go out on the street due to all the paparazzi. “[You need a] hoodie and huge sunglasses”, David says, “the mask is quite helpful, too.” And still, none of them is complaining, and Torchio explains why: “Even if those experiences right now may have sides that are not so pleasant, we still know that for us a dream is coming true. We experience something that we always had in our minds, so we are willing to face every consequence that this entails.”

So is the band facing difficult times, is Måneskin going to change with all the success? Again, all of them answer at the same time.

David: “I'm not worried about that.”

Raggi: “No way!”

De Angelis: “On the contrary. Everything that happened to us happened because we are who we are, so we want to continue the exact same way and stay ourselves.”

Just a few hours later, they are at the stage in Neukölln, bouncing around like pinballs, hammering at their instruments, flirting with each other. “We are out of our minds, but different from the others”, David sings their winning hymn against conformism, and: “The people talk, unfortunately they talk.” Here on stage, the four paradise birds [a German word describing someone with a flamboyant personality] with their half-nude-glittering outfits are radiating an incredible energy with the utmost sincerity, and you begin to wish there was a live audience instead of the TikTok cameras, absorbing and spreading this energy. Måneskin. A cry for a life after the pandemic, a cry for freedom and a better world.

“We do what we wished for all our lives.” – Ethan Torchio

[kyotakumrau]

GIGS No519 Interview 京 [Voice]

GIGS 2021 JUN released on April 27th (interview itself was done on April 6th)

The last solo interview is with Kyo. In the previous interviews, all band members from the music instrument squad all mentioned ‘simple’ in reference to Oboro. Yet how did he perceive the song and what feelings were put into the lyrics? Let’s discuss it thoroughly.

The most important thing is that I want to be able to let out honestly what I want express, what I see, what I felt or thought that one moment.

text: Yukinobu Hasegawa photos: Reishi Eguma translation: kyotaku (pls let me know if you see any mistakes!)

You can get GIGS 6月号 on Amazon Japan or HMV or CDJapan or TOWER RECORDS or other shops!

――It shows in the footage enclosed in the deluxe and first press editions of ‘Oboro’ that the songwriting for the new album started quite some time ago.

京   I was probably working on various things without thinking about a single, so I don’t really remember when was it. I’m working on songs aaaaaaaall the time (laughing). I don’t really grasp when each song was done or which one will become a single, so honestly speaking I don’t really know.

――You’re also doing sukekiyo. I have many chances to speak with sukekiyo members and they were surprised that ‘Kyo will be sending new songs ideas or melody anytime’ (laughing). Is your pace of coming up with ideas as high with DIR EN GREY?

京   On the contrary, I’m not saying much in case of DIR EN GREY. Just about ‘I’m looking forward to it’. I’m not writing songs, so upon listening to the demo of the song sent by other members I just give them my opinion like ‘how about we change it a bit like this?’ or ‘this way is good’.

――At the time you started writing songs did you already have an idea what you wanted for the next album?

京   I didn’t. Not at all, I felt I could read this and that about the album from the direction we were going from the atmosphere of the songs the members brought in earlier. In our case we often don’t have talks like ‘let’s make an album like this’. So, on the contrary I usually don’t say much about things like album image, I think we can make more irregular thing if I keep a flat position.

――So even you are looking forward to what kind of response you will have when listening to the song’s demo?

京   I am.

――Because of the spread of COVID-19 it’s hard to move around now, so how do you get input for the music, art and so on?

京   Nah, I don’t really do anything. If you ask about input... the most I do is watching various news.

――Do you feel that the things happening around you and around the world are something that drive you when you’re expressing yourself?

京   I’m sure they do. What I think when I see and feel various things, how I communicate that, it’s about that.

――The single ‘Ochita koto no aru sora’ you released last year had a digital release only thus there were no lyrics included, but fans listened to the song many times to try to understand the lyrics. As a result, I think they realized that it’s a song with a dreadful/intense message. Because lyrics include a such date as ‘㋇㏥・August the 6th’ among other things, there was a reaction also from fans around the world.

京   Frankly, I don’t check fans reactions. I don’t know what people will think after listening, but I don’t want to talk about the atomic bomb. In the end, the fighting continues, the same things keep happening again and again...like that. I think there are many issues, but there’s no right answer to them, it’s all just collisions of what we ourselves think is right and just. That’s why you can’t say that something is bad as a rule. It’s just one way of thinking, there are many ways we can look at things. For example, currently during the pandemic holding a concert is the right thing to do or not, won’t the answer and the way of thinking be different for every person? Now more than ever we got a situation when it’s very difficult to say ‘this is the way’. It’s the way I feel now seeing various things.

――Because of COVID-19 there’s a lot of hate crime against Asians in the US. It’s a crime, but the people who commit it may see it as an act of justice.

京   That’s true. There are also many other issues like the gender discrimination, in all of them Japan is seen as lagging behind. It can’t be simply denied because the situation now and in the past is different, depending on the country or culture the way people feel or think is also different. It’s a difficult issue, isn’t it?

――I think you write many lyrics that make us think about that. There’s not only grieving in ‘Ochita koto no aru sora’, there’s a positive message at the end. That really resonated with me. Do you feel like the way you express and communicate things has changed?

京   No, I don’t think anything changed.

――I’d like to talk about ‘Oboro’ now, it seems like it was a pick out of few songs. What was your impression when you listened to the original song?

京   It was like all demos felt more like the album songs than a single. It’s normal as we originally didn’t start working on them thinking about creating a single, most of the songs were intended for the album and we decided to finish one as a single. Recently we had many up-tempo singles, so I thought it would be a good idea to release a ballad, not as epic as previous ones, but a ballad that could be included on the album.

――What kind of response did you have when you listened to the original song for the first time? Talking about the lyrics, I thought that because of the pandemic it became difficult to move around, and the thoughts have turned inwards. You told me [at t an interview] some years ago that you had some traumatic events, I thought [lyrics] relate to them.

京   In terms of the worldwiev and lyrics, recently there were no lyrics directed at one person, a lot of them had a message from a very broad perspective, that’s why first thing I wanted to do was to have a narrower worldview. So when I listened to the original song and the scene emerged [in my mind], the past songs videos are very broad. This isn’t a continuation but it was a start for me to want to put something like that together. It’s not about my own trauma, it’s a narrow worldview inside a big worldview. And without using grotesque expressions, I wanted to depict various feelings like love or hatred, and wrote lyrics with that in mind.

――The past songs you mentioned were also songs that had music videos made for them at the time. I was actually watching the video and having a flashback. The pain and agony of a woman, and I dare say her feelings about her aborted baby. That’s what gives a shape [to the new song]. At the moment is your expression or the direction of what you want to bring up in your lyrics changing?

京   I don’t mean it like we all should try being positive (thinking about the future) together, but as one should think about various things, I always want to write about what we think is the right path or what is just. But as I said before, what is right varies per person. It’s something I want to write about on the next album in the future.

――In other words, like stabbing/piercing each person’s feelings?

京   Well, yes. I think I’ve been thinking like that since the last album The Insulated World, but this time I’d like to go further into that direction... I mean it’s not like I have something precise I want to convey or I want to bring up this and that. The most important thing is that I want to be able to let out honestly what I want express, what I see, what I feel or think that very moment.

――As your age and work experience accumulate, I think people’s ideas and thinking will also change. What can you think of [that has changed] in the last few years?

京   Nothing (laughing). It’s not something you know about yourself. On the contrary I want to stay without changing. To change because the world is becoming a certain way is really not like me, I was always my own type of person, so I want to continue as I am. This is something I’m saying all the time, but I hate fixed ideas, I want to be always free to express myself. But there’s not much freedom in the world nowadays. Besides the problem with COVID-19, many countries have civil wars. That’s where we learn the importance of freedom again, and I also wondered if having a lot of freedom is not justice. When you start thinking like that it messes with your head, but I want to be free just in the world of expression. I feel like this is a one right no one can take away from me.

I think the most negative thing, for fans, for the band and for me, is not being able to show our real selves at the concerts.

――Are you taking that stance now as well when you’re writing for an album?

京   Nah, I haven’t written anything yet. We’re in the early stage of pre-production, so it’s not the point where I write lyrics yet. The songs are still in the middle of being changed, so it’s like I want to see more of them. Also, most songs don’t have a melody decided for them. And what I feel and think, what I want to express, things inside of me are changing every day. I want to be able to pack as current me as possible into [the lyrics], and to put into lyrics as recent images from the songs as possible, so I haven’t decided on them yet.

――Did you write the lyrics for ‘Oboro’ just before song-writing time as well?

京   Yeah. After the length/scale of the song is mostly decided in pre-production next is a step when I’m inserting temporary lyrics and then start recording.

――You have a [recording] vocal booth at home, so did you record ‘Oboro’ deciding the vocal direction by yourself?

京   If it was different, I probably wouldn’t be singing. I don’t want to go to a studio outside (laughing).

――Do you sing creating an environment for the song’s world like getting your room all dark when recording?

京   Nah, I’m a person who doesn’t do things like that, I can do it anywhere as long as I have a vocal booth. Just, I sing when I want to sing. When using a studio from what time and until what time is decided, engineers have their schedules, so even if I’m not happy with something and want to rerecord it, it takes time to get ‘let’s listen to it’ or ‘I’m gonna organize data’. And sometimes that timing doesn’t match my own rhythm. And, there are times when I want to sing soon after waking up or want to sing when I’m anguished not being able to sleep. I value this kind of speed so I can’t record outside my house anymore.

――In ‘Oboro’, even the trembling of your throat when your voice comes out got recorded, which helps the listener to get into the song even more. What were you looking for in terms of singing?

京   It’s a bit old-fashioned, isn’t it? In the past I was singing with my emotions so my mannerism/habits would really come out hard. After that I tried to get rid of them as much as possible, and as much as possible tried singing putting emphasis on the pitch and timing. For example, when the timing of each sound in first A melody and second A melody didn’t match perfectly, I would be unhappy, but now I just sing naturally so the timing can be a bit off. I deliberately sing with the feelings that were matching the flow of the song, so I don’t record with the intention of singing perfectly.

――You absolutely prioritise the emotions?

京   That’s right. But in case of ‘Oboro’, the lyrics don’t have a worldview where the emotions get stirred up to just burst out. They are hidden inside, I thought it would be interesting to sing in a restrained way without exploding. With that point, I recorded the song with the emphasis on the flow of the song. And I think I will keep that point the same when recording the album.

――There was a time when you were thinking like drawing a blueprint with many different voice tones and the arrangement of the choruses, it was interesting for you to play tricks with them, right?

京   There was a time when I pulled that out as a part of me, but now I want to pull other parts out. Increasing the things I can pull out, if I think the approach you just described is good, I just have to drag it all out. When I listen to the album as a whole, if I think there’s not enough appeal, I’d try a more gimmicky approach. In the end I won’t be satisfied with myself. I want to keep searching for more and more new ways, not only sing the way I’ve sung before.

――You had this kind of attitude from the start. As a coupling song for the single you have a customary self-remake song. This time it’s ‘TDFF’, to listen to the original song from the past again... ah, you don’t do it. I’m shaking my head for jumping into your answer (laughing).

京   I just briefly look at the old lyrics and decide I want to keep this part, I don’t need this part and so on. To some extend in myself I’ll just extract some part and from there extend the image and add things to it.

――Is it like breathing new life into a song?

京   Nah, it’s just the 2021 version. If we redid it now it’d look like this. We wanted to keep as many good parts as possible, but there were also parts where we felt ‘here it’d have been better to go with this’, so they got changed in the current version.

――By changing the song to a newest version can you see your attitude towards the singing or your thoughts?

京   I’m always putting in the things I’m feeling at that time, so I think to an extend I can see it. But it was originally a simple song, so it was easy.  

――It was also recorded in your vocal booth at your home, right? I think I’d actually like to have a peek at you singing to see what’s it like (laughing).

京   Ah, it’s a really simple booth about the size of the phone booth. There’s a small thing working as a desk and I put my computer there, singing while sitting down and using a hand-held mic. I don’t want to use a recording standard stand mic. I want to sing as much as possible the same way I sing at concerts. But there’s no space for me to stand up so I sing sitting down (laughing). But in my case, it doesn’t matter if I’m singing standing or sitting down or sleeping (laughing).

――It doesn’t really affect your concentration.

京   I usually can finish recording one song in less than 2 hours, so I think anyone can concentrate for about 2 hours (laughing).

――The 3rd song on the single is a live track. How do you feel about performing without the audience?

京   Honestly speaking the songs that require a response [from the fans] were a bit tiring, but there was no change with the songs focusing on the worldview or the songs that just explode. Doing it naturally is about doing it naturally. I haven’t listened to that live track yet, but yeah.

――But yeah (laughing). Did you choose the song that got the most votes?

京   Nah, I’m okay with any live track. Like ‘please choose whichever you want’, I leave it to the other members or the people in the company. Concert is a raw thing (=unedited, live), I had many live tracks in the past where my voice was all messed up or where I was singing cleanly. That’s why now I don’t have anything that would make me go ‘wait, this is a bit...’. I think the me from that time is packed there so anything is fine.

――You’re soon going to have a first in a while concert with the audience on May the 6th. I think you might answer ‘not at all’, but how are you approaching it?

京   Today I was at the concert film screening event in Osaka, and we talked there about the concert. And I said there that because it’s still a month away I don’t think about it (laughing). Listen, if you were told you will be having this and that for dinner in a month, you would listen with only half an ear being ‘yeah got it’ (=you’d forget it next moment) (laughing). I start thinking about it about a week before the concert. I’m not the type of person to go ‘I’ll do my best!’, I’ll just let out my honest feelings at the time.

――During the time when you didn’t have the type of space or time that is a performance with the audience, were there any moments when you started wondering ‘what are concerts?’ and so on?

京   No, there weren’t. There were moments when I felt like I’d like to do a show, but I didn’t really think about things like ‘why are we doing concerts?’ or ‘what are concerts for me?’. It’s not like all my music activities stopped, so I didn’t have a moment to think that deeply about it. If anything, rather than us I think it’s the fans who were thinking about it.

――Because for many people concerts are something they live for. Kyo, you’re looking healthy.

京   There were times when it was very hard for me mentally, I don’t know what was the reason. Now... I’m trying not to think too much about unnecessary things. I’m trying to only think about what’s in front of me or about things I’m able to do now, I’m trying not to push myself too much. I’m trying to accept myself as I naturally am. But even then, there are still things that keep piling up, making me worry endlessly. I wish I would be able to let them erupt at concerts. I think the most negative thing, for fans, for the band and for me, is not being able to show our real selves at the concerts.

[thepriceofbeingaroseisloneliness]

Kaoru (DIR EN GREY) & Hazuki SPECIAL INTERVIEW 1/2 Translation

Notes before reading: This is the first part of the special interview broadcasted on Hazuki’s Youtube channel, you can still watch it there. The special interview is 45 min long, this part covers until minute 24. I will upload the second part in a day or two.

You can watch the interview here  Please watch and support Hazuki’s channel!

Feel free to correct me if you spot any mistakes or any confusing parts. Links or credits to this post when the content is reposted or captured in other SNS is appreciated :) ----- Hazuki: Today’s guest is already here! Kaoru from Dir en grey! Kaoru: Thank you (laughs) Hazuki: Thank you for being here! (laughs) Kaoru: Well, somehow as the tension is different than usual, I got a bit surprised…(laughs)  *he means the program started suddenly* Hazuki: (The program started) In a single blow…I cut in with a single blow…. I’m sorry… Well, I’ve been on Youtube since last year….I already had Ryuichi Kawamura (Luna Sea’s vocalist) and an acquaintance who is a death metal/death growls instructor….being able to do talks like this it’s a bit special so I want to do more and more….like for example, telling everyone stories about Kaoru they’ve never heard before….I would like to see that more and more….I asked you (to come here) and you agreed immediately so thank you so much… Kaoru: No,no…you don’t need to (thank me)…. Hazuki: I’m really thankful…. Kaoru: But, the first time we talked about this was last year…. Hazuki: It was actually a while ago, that’s true… Kaoru: But somehow, I wondered if there was something good we could talk about here…. Hazuki: This time, “Oboro” will be released on 28th April….so I’d like to talk about that as well…there are also a few things here *pointing at the table* so it’s not just that…. I often met Kaoru but there are times we meet from the beginning but sometimes we meet in a second or third different stages…. Kaoru: After eating… Hazuki: There are some patterns about coming together, like sometimes it’s the two of us at the beginning…. Kaoru: Yes Hazuki: Or both of us staying until the end…..to this day, I haven’t get used to that situation at all….*laughs* Kaoru: At those times, you are a bit…..like this…..*starts imitating Hazuki, making awkward movements* Like this…..*Hazuki laughs, Kaoru too* At that moment I feel like  “ohh” *ego boost gesture lol* Hazuki: No,no…. (laughs) It feels exactly like that to me…..yes….I feel it…. So, before these talks, I get a drink for the guest that is here. I brought a lot of things but for the time being, let’s open a beer and after getting some alcohol in our bodies… Kaoru: That’s right… let’s start with this, right?.... because if you don’t drink, you won’t say anything…. Hazuki: I’m sorry….as there is a little distance between us…. I’m nervous so I need to drink alcohol…because you are a big senpai for me….cheers! Kaoru: Cheers! They both toast with their beer cans. Hazuki: It’s good…everyone is curious about one thing…. It’s really in the way….*Hazuki puts his hand on a bottle that it’s on the centre of the table, covered by a cloth* It’s really an object that stands out but,  the drink that I want to serve for Kaoru today is….well, for me this…..how long has it been?  I think 15-16 years… but in this long time there is especially one drink that left an impression in me…. Kaoru: Is something we drank together? Hazuki: We did….I get to know this type of alcohol/sake from Kaoru…. I couldn’t drink it at that time… Kaoru: I wonder what it is… Hazuki:I couldn’t drink it but as you were really into it and drank it….I was like….”I want to drink it with Kaoru”, so I tried  and it was delicious….so I was able to drink it that’s why today I brought it…do you know what is it?...*pointing at the cloth* Kaoru:*Laughs* I wonder… what can it be?.... Because of the size I would say it’s whisky… Hazuki: Ah yes the size…..but it’s not….it’s another thing…. Kaoru: Sweet potato shōchū? Hazuki: Ah, you are quite close….it’s a type of shōchū…. Kaoru: Eh? Hazuki: It’s not Sweet potato shōchū Kaoru: Is it Tantakatan? * Tantakatan is a shōchū made with perilla leaves. It is produced in Hokkaido, Japan. Hazuki: *screams* AH!...that’s it…..*Kaoru and Hazuki laugh* That’s amazing *Hazuki starts clapping* You knew it so well…*Hazuki takes off the cloth of the bottle* Kaoru: It’s been a long time! Hazuki: It’s Tantankatan…. Kaoru: This makes me feel really nostalgic…. Hazuki: How many years ago? Kaoru: A lot…. Hazuki: I think it was 23 years ago…. Kaoru: I used to drink this a lot…. Hazuki: Drinking this kind of alcohol on the rocks…. I was still young at that time, I’ve only drank beer, shōchū and highball shōchū. I thought “I should really try this”. When you asked me to join you, drinking this, I drank a lot and got really into it. After this, there was a boom in potato-fermented drinks *Kaoru laughs* But because you asked me to drink it together, I got to like it. *Kaoru laughs* *On the rocks” means serving an alcoholic beverage in a cocktail glass with ice. I think Hazuki means is “a fancy drink”. Kaoru: How nostalgic….I barely drink this anymore…. Hazuki: I drink it…. I thought “this is definitely the drink I want to share with him”…..after drinking this beer…. Kaoru: Let’s drink it….let’s finish the beers… Hazuki: You don’t need to hurry….we still have time…. Hazuki seems to be amazed by Kaoru’s reaction towards the Tantankatan. Kaoru: This makes me feel really nostalgic! Do they sell this at convenience stores? Hazuki: They do. Hazuki wants to know when Kaoru had the first chance to try Tantakatan. Kaoru: Maybe on tour… Hazuki: I see, because it was popular/a trend…to drink it with everyone… Kaoru:  Maybe the first time I drank it…. It was with Mr Ito, from the security company of X (X Japan)….that person’s face looked like a gorilla….*Hazuki laughs* when we started going on tour together, I started drinking it with him…. *Mr. Ito was popular for being in charge of the security of  X Japan and Luna Sea. He worked later with other bands like Dir en grey. He is said to be the saviour of many fans as he worked sometimes in the front lines. Hazuki: He gave it to you and you drank it together….I see…. Actually, it’s not the first time you appear in a program I’m doing…. Kaoru: You mean the radio one? Hazuki: Yes, the one called 「Weekly lynch」. When was it? 8 or 7 years ago. At that time, you were about to release “The Unraveling”. You were releasing “The Unraveling” so you came to the program. Since then, probably most of the people who are watching this haven’t heard that radio program, especially Lynch fans so, roughly I’d like to talk about how we ended up here….I would like to talk about this again…our first encounter….do you remember it? *Hazuki starts laughing softly but ends up laughing loudly when he sees Kaoru struggling to remember it* *Kaoru appeared as a guest in「Weekly lynch」in NACK5 FM on March 2013. Kaoru: It was because of Reo, right? Hazuki: That’s it, that’s it…. Kaoru: I remember it was Reo (Lynch’s guitarist)  who introduced you to me…. About where it was…..I think it was at some hotel lobby… Hazuki: That’s it, that’s it…at that time you were staying at a hotel in Nagoya…. Reo and I went to the lobby to meet you and we went to a shop…..I was really really nervous…I was thinking “finally I’m going to meet Dir en grey”,  as I knew the band since I was in high school…I was really nervous about meeting you for the first time but….at that hotel lobby there were many fans showing up as well…like waiting for the members….I was thinking “as expected from stars/famous people” when you were getting off quickly…*Hazuki laughs* Kaoru: I see….it was at a hotel…

Hazuki: That time we hardly talk…. Kaoru: That’s true….I talked to Reo mostly… Hazuki: But I was listening to you in the sideway….at that time I already liked to drink…. But Reo doesn’t drink right?...*Kaoru nods* I guess he can’t drink…. I don’t know though….but he didn’t drink…the next time you came to Nagoya, I find the courage to invite you, I was like “tonight I’m going to invite Kaoru!”, but at that time you have another plan with other person so you told me “I’m sorry”…so I went back home…. The next day, you contacted me by email to meet in the afternoon… Kaoru: Suddenly? Hazuki: Suddenly…I thought it was weird because it was your day off… I got super excited….and we went to “Mountain”… Kaoru: Aaaaaa Hazuki: (Mountain) in Nagoya….I want everyone to google it….it’s a pasta place among other things… Kaoru: I’m sure your fans know it well….I get to know this place from you…. Hazuki: Is that so?-….*laughs*.. I was the one who introduced this place to you… Kaoru: That’s it, that’s it…. Hazuki: Well….since that moment….. each time that Kaoru came to Nagoya with Dir en grey…we would usually drink together….it was almost like a perfect attendance award, right? Kaoru: Right…. Hazuki talks a little bit more about attending Dir’s live when they came to play at Zepp Nagoya even though he lived in a rural area. Hazuki: At that time, I lived at my parents house in a really rural area of Nagoya.  As going by train to Nagoya was hard, coming back was also hard, manga cafe… Kaoru: *cutting in* That’s it! They both starting laughing. Kaoru: I asked you if you were ok (staying there)…. Hazuki: The first  time after the live was over….at the first after party…..the other members were there….there were many people gathering there… every one was talking and I didn’t do much there… the second time you told me to wait for you….when we finished drinking it was past midnight….early in the morning…. There wasn’t a night bus and I didn’t have money to come back by taxi….so I came to the manga café, slept a bit and came back by train in the morning… Kaoru: That’s it…. Hazuki: For me, that you came to Nagoya and we could drink together….it was something really valuable for me….it makes me feel nostalgic….those days have kept going these 15-16 years….it might feel a bit like “why a vocalist and a guitarist *laughs* but you are really a big senpai that I respect…that’s right…this program….for this talk corner….nothing has been decided…*Kaoru nods* I really didn't decide anything….what could be the first topic?....mmm…I think we could talk about the moment you got into rock music…. Kaoru: Like when I started playing? Hazuki: That’s right….for example, I only listened to kayōkyoku ( Japanese popular music from Showa Era) when I was an elementary student….at that time it started to sound “Rosier” by Luna Sea and I was like “what is this?” so I got into the rock world…is there something like that for you? Something like “oh that’s amazing!” or so…. Kaoru: The first time I listened to something and thought “that’s rock” was BOOWY. Hazuki: Eh?? Is that so? Kaoru: I think it was a thing for my generation…..everyone listened to BOOWY. Hazuki: They were still active? Kaoru: Barely….it was before their disband.…. Hazuki: I see… Kaoru: But at middle school everyone listened to them….but the band I listened to before them was Seikima-II…. Hazuki laughs. Kaoru: Singles at that time were records (LP), right?.. Hazuki: Yes… Kaoru: I bought it and listened to it….even at that time, like when it comes to bands and rock music it was like…..something amazing and flashy… Seikima-II felt like “this is it”….that’s how it felt when I listened and looked at them….I didn’t listen to them with the image of “this is rock” or a “band”…. But when I heard that kind of band, the guitars, the bass….everything together I thought “this is cool”….as expected, BOOWY’s (activities) at that time were decreasing but there was also bands like Barbee Boys and Ziggy…. But among all those bands I listened to….when I was in middle school, a transferred student came to my school to my class….he looked  very serious…in that class he felt like the calm type….he sat next to me….and once we were going back home he invited me to hang out with him…even thought he was a middle school student….his room was full of records…..he had everything….an amplifier, record player, tapes…he also have CDs that were a recent thing at that time….he also had this huge speaker…of course he had a bed as well as it was his room…. Hazuki: But it was your friend’s stuff? Not his father’s? Kaoru: It wasn’t his father’s stuff, all belonged to him… Hazuki: Ehhhh Kaoru: It was amazing….it looked like an unknown world to me….I went to his house often to hang out after school…we would listen to the records that he had, he told to listen to the music he liked….one of the things he made me listen to was metal…. Hazuki: Western music? Kaoru: There was a lot of western music as well…like Iron Maiden and Judas…also Japanese metal and so but….it was like a “no way, no way” for me…. Hazuki: At time it wasn’t your cup of tea? Kaoru: At all…. Hazuki: Eh… Kaoru: I liked music in English….like Michael Jackson…I like Pop….music from the UK…..I listened to new wave bands for example….but that kind of hard rock or metal….I have this image of muscular guys playing in shorts jumping around energetically while playing….with those things in their shoulders that made them look like Saint Seiya….*Hazuki laughs* I had that kind of image… Hazuki: This is after BOOWY? Kaoru: It’s after BOOWY….I still was listening to BOØWY’s all the time….*Kaoru mumbles something about BOOWY’s CD covers?* Hazuki mentions Japan ( A new wave band from the Uk). They also mention again BOOWY’ and finally, X Japan appears. Kaoru mentions X’s Vanishing vision and that he didn’t like it at first because of the fierce and fast tempo songs. Hazuki: Eh? *laughs* I really can’t believe what you are saying right now… Kaoru: It was like a “no,no” for me…but among them, there were one or two songs that I liked… Hazuki: Yes, yes… Kaoru: Then, at high school…..I graduated from middle school and I started high school on April…and the 21st of April “Blue blood” was released…. Hazuki: Oh! Kaoru: At the bookstore and so there were X stuff there, I already knew them….and I preordered the CD…. Hazuki: *Laughs* How did that happen? Kaoru: I don’t know….I just did it… Hazuki: But you didn’t like them at that time….*laughs* Kaoru: But somehow for the first time, I was interested in them so I went the day of the release to buy the CD, I went back home,I listened to it at the radio-cassette and I was like “what on Earth is this?” *Hazuki laughs* Hazuki: That wasn’t too fast and fierce for you… Kaoru: It wasn’t….at all… Hazuki points out that the song called like the album “Blue blood” is fast and fierce but Kaoru seems to not care about that as he was amazed by the album. For Hazuki, it was too fast and fierce so it was a “No” for him at that moment. Kaoru: I was like “what’s this”?.... Hazuki: And because of that opportunity, even though it was fierce and fast, as you bought the CD yourself… Kaoru:  For me, it was the feeling of the whole “Blue blood” album….it was like listening to something amazing… Hazuki: But you got interested in that album when you saw that add (at the bookstore)…. Kaoru; That’s it, That’s it…. Hazuki: From there, you got into that world-view…. Kaoru: Certainly…that’s it, that’s it…at first, as expected, I didn’t know much about instruments and their sound….but the songs…and the atmosphere when I listened to the songs….I saw there was a live at the medium hall of the Kousei Nenkin Kaikan in Osaka but the tickets were already sold out. I feel like going to the venue at that moment…. Hazuki: But you didn’t have a ticket…. Kaoru tells next the story about how he got the ticket after walking around the venue. It seems  he was first offered a ticket by a old guy who asked for 5000 yen for the ticket (the real price was 3000 yen) but Kaoru didn’t have the money for it as he needed some for the train back home. Kaoru gave up about getting a ticket and he was wondering if he should buy some merch as people started to gather for the concert.  Then, another old guy guy approached him and offered him a ticket, that was a seat in the last row of the first floor, and Kaoru got it. Kaoru adds he was kind of careless for doing that? ( getting a ticket from a scalper) And Hazuki starts laughing nervously. Hazuki: Well, well it’s ok…..because  it’s an old story…. Kaoru: Then at the live I was on the right side…. Hazuki: That was Hide’s…. Kaoru: When I saw him….I was shocked…. Hazuki: Like it was something you shouldn’t see…. Were you a middle school student at that moment? Kaoru: A High school student…. Hazuki: Ah, you were in high school…. Kaoru: After seeing him, I just could see this person… Hazuki: But you are Dir en grey’s leader, right? Everyone…that fast and fierce songs were a “no” for you *laughs* Kaoru: It was really a “no-no” for me….for real….no way… Hazuki: And after that, the most intense and fast songs……but you didn’t like that at the beginning….but because of Hide…..X japan at that time was really fierce/violent….*Kaoru nods* With their hair up this way…*makes the gesture of the hair* Kaoru: All of them have their hair up…..but at the beginning, I was a little reluctant to get into foreign metal…. Hazuki: I understand that, it was the same for me….I was reluctant to it…. Kaoru: It was like it felt hard to get into it…. Hazuki: But when I was reading interviews of the artist I liked, they wrote about other musicians they liked, right? I wanted to try to listen to them, but I couldn’t really do it….because I didn’t like it…. Kaoru: That’s right… Hazuki: It was like that….was it the same for you? Kaoru: Like Alice Cooper with all that heavy black make-up…..he looked scary….when I listened to it, I didn’t really understand it… Hazuki: Like “X is better”, right?….it was like that for me too…. Kaoru: Hide was into pop music so I got into some artists because of him. Hazuki: I see… Kaoru: It’s stuff that I still listen nowadays….at that time he introduced these artist to his fans and I got into it. Now I listen to it and I think it’s cool...somehow it became like my roots….but at that time when it comes to rock, it was like “I don’t get it”…. Hazuki: I see….at that time, the members of Luna Sea would talk about Guns N' Roses or Nirvana….I rent some stuff from them but I was like “it’s not fierce, it’s not dark or bright, it’s just different”. Another time I listened to Korn and Slipknot and I was like “Oh, I like this”…until then, I barely listen to anything like that…. Kaoru: So since that time, you started to listen to western music…. Hazuki: Yes, I started to listen to it properly…..you already finished your beer… Kaoru: I did…. Hazuki: Oh, I’m sorry….*Hazuki grabs the bottle of “Tantakatan” to open it* That guy you talked about, the guy with the audio equipment, what happened to him after that? Kaoru: At that time, we graduated from middle school and…. Hazuki: Is that so? Kaoru: I don’t know what he is doing since then at all…. Hazuki: Eh??? Kaoru: Truth is….I would like to try to meet him…. Hazuki: If he is watching this…..if you see this, you can definitely contact us….so,  about music....this talk is because you are going to release  a single and it would be strange to not talk about it… Kaoru: It feels weird… Hazuki: It’s embarrassing for me because I’m not used to this. It’s a bit embarrassing but I really want to ask you about it…. “Oboro”, which is going to be released on 28th April… ....Tbc....

[kanjukucompany]

【A3! Translation】 Special Edition: Veludo SHOE STORE (9/9)

previous chapter / masterlist

(translation under the cut)

(glitch text ignore)

EPILOGUE: Surprise Announcement

Izumi: Itaru-san, I’m sorry to bother you right before work, but… do you have a minute?

Itaru: I’ve got time, so it’s fine…. What’s is it?

Izumi: Actually, VELUDO contacted me. They’ve decided on a cover for the next issue.

Itaru: Ah, they’ve finally made a decision.

Izumi: So I was thinking, could you do me a favor and announce it on the Inste Live tonight?

Itaru: Alrighty, just fill me in on the details when I get home from work.

Izumi: Got it! I’ll see you later.

Itaru: See ya.

Itaru: The camera can go… here. I guess everyone else will be here soon.

Izumi: Oh, that reminds me. I figured you’d be excited, so I got you this!

Itaru: A party popper? Seriously?

Izumi: Please pop it when you announce the cover.

Itaru: This late? Sakyo-san would totally yell at me.

Izumi: I already told Sakyo-san about it, so it’s fine.

Itaru: You’re too prepared… Well, but that’s okay.

-

Izumi: I think it’s time to start the broadcast!

Itaru: Then I’ll press the button.

Tsumugi: Good evening, everyone.

Troupe Members: It’s MANKAI Company!

Hisoka: We’ve got something to tell you all.

Kumon: Actually, the seven of us are going to appear in the next issue of VELUDO!

Chikage: We’ve got a lot of congratulatory comments.

Kumon: Thanks, everyone!

Muku: Please look forward to our photo shoot, as well as the interviews with the featured shops.

Azami: Our shoot just finished a few days ago.

Tsumugi: The outfits and the shoes both look very cool, so please make sure to check them out as soon as possible.

Itaru: Speaking of, do you guys know who the cover’s going to be?

Hisoka: No clue.

Azami: I didn’t hear anything either.

Tsumugi: Back during the photo shoot, the staff couldn’t decide on the cover models. They said they’d tell us at a later date.

Itaru: In that case, I’ve got a surprise announcement to make.

Kumon: What!? I didn’t hear anything about that!

Muku: I’m getting nervous…

Chikage: What’s with you all of a sudden?

Itaru: The cover of the next issue is going to be… Muku and I!

*pop*

Kumon: Uwaa!? That startled me…!

Azami: Did you prepare that?

Tsumugi: Oh, we just got a comment saying Itaru-kun looks cute with his party popper.

Itaru: Hang on. This wasn’t my idea, I was just asked to do it.

Muku: ….

Itaru: Huh? Muku, you okay?

Muku: I can’t believe I’m on the cover with the admirable Itaru-san…. What if the sales drop because of me…!

Chikage: I’ll buy it, Muku-kun! Be confident!

Muku: ….!?

Chikage: Said a lot of the comments.

Kumon: See, everyone’s gonna buy it!

Muku: I understand…. Everyone, thank you so much!

Itaru: Muku looks really mature on this cover, so look forward to it.

Tsumugi: The photos came out really nice.

Azami: Right, it had a cool atmosphere.

Chikage: Oh, we’re almost out of time.

Azami: Thanks for watching until the end.

Hisoka: Make sure to buy a copy of VELUDO.

Troupe Members: We’re MANKAI Company!

Itaru: Goodnight, everyone.

[nctsjiho]

How Haechan And JiHo’s Friendship Evolved Over The Years [Part 2]

PART 1

[2018 | Role Model | New York]

“And I have a question for JiHo.” JiHo turned her head towards the interviewer who just mentioned her name. “You’re a fairly new addition to the group.” The girl nodded along with his words. “The boys have been singers for a few years now, is there anyone in the group who you particularly look up to?”

The fans in the studio ooh in interest as JiHo looks at the boys in thought. Meanwhile, Johnny, Mark and Jaehyun translate the question to the other boys who now look at her expectantly. “Hmm. I guess...” She then looks to her right and motions her hand towards Haechan.

The boy looks surprised - as do the others - when he realises he got chosen. The fans on the other hand begin cheering. “Since we’re only a few months apart in age I can relate to Haechan a lot more. He’s really good at everything he puts his mind to and he also has a great personality.” She explained seriously but Jaehyun on her left side can’t help but smile brightly.

The interviewer noticed how Jaehyun and Mark whispered among themselves and asked what was wrong. “Oh nothing.” Jaehyun said between chuckles. “JiHo just fed Haechan’s ego, he’s not going to let her live this one down for a while.” Mark added.

And by the looks of it Mark was right, because right after Johnny finished translating JiHo’s words to Haechan, the youngest boy had a big grin on his face. His tongue poked the inside of his cheek as looked down on his lap. This caused JiHo to sigh. “You can never just be nice to anyone here.” She said in a light-hearted tone.

[2019 | Cheat Day | Rooftop Café in Seoul]

“And let’s work hard during our promotions! NCT fighting on three!” Yuta yelled holding his glass up high. Everyone followed and Yuta started counting. “One, two, three!” “NCT fighting!” Everyone yelled in unison.

The promotions for ‘Superhuman’ were beginning the following week, so NCT and their staff had decided to have a little kick-off party to start things on a high note. They were all gathered together on the rooftop of one of Seoul’s café’s with the best view, cooking food and grilling meat together - of course with the required drinks for everyone who was legal and wanted to drink.

Haechan stood with his plate next to Johnny who was in charge of grilling the meat. “Can I have some more hyung?” He asked, acting cute. “I already gave you so much.” Johnny laughed but continued adding more meat to the younger boy’s plate.

As Haechan moved over to the next table with food he noticed JiHo sitting alone poking at the food on her almost empty plate. He carefully approached her and sat down next to her. “Are you not eating?” At his voice JiHo jumped a little and then sat straight in her chair. “You scared me.” She gasped causing the boy to chuckle. He then pointed his chopsticks at the girl’s plate to redirect her attention.

“I’m not really hungry.” She sighed. “Well don’t mind if I do.” He reached out his chopsticks and grabbed the half of a boiled egg that was sitting on her plate. Shoving it in his mouth he sent her a wink. “Yah! You’re so annoying.” She pushed him by his shoulder and watched as Haechan choked on the piece of egg. He quickly regained his composure though so JiHo wasn’t worried.

He watched carefully as the girl grumbled to herself whilst continuously poking at her food. “Somethings wrong. Tell your role model what’s wrong. Maybe my sexy brain can think of a solution.” Completely taken aback by her member’s word, JiHo sent Haechan a disgusted look. “First off all, you should stop referring to yourself as my role model, I already regret calling you that a year ago. And secondly, I never said you had a sexy brain.” She fake gagged. “But you were thinking it.”

The smirk on Haechan’s face definitely annoyed the girl, but she had gotten very used to it by now and actually found that his annoying attempt to cheer her up was working. “The new manager put my on a diet again, and I seriously hate eggs, chicken tastes like cardboard to me and I’m sick of eating raw tomatoes and salad.” “Why don’t you just get food that you like?” Haechan asked nonchalantly, grabbing the other half of the abandoned egg from her plate. “He’s watching me like a hawk up there. He almost grabbed my plate to pick up the food for me.” She sighed.

Haechan took a few seconds to think and scratch his non-existent beard. “He doesn’t let you get the food you want. That’s what you said right?” JiHo nodded and watched as Haechan’s face lit up. “Wait here.”

JiHo waited alone for a few minutes until she saw Haechan approach her again with Jungwoo and each had two plates with them. Placing them in the middle of the table Jungwoo and Haechan sat down next to the girl. “Let’s feast!” Haechan beamed. She just watched as her 2 members began eating carelessly. “He isn’t watching. Just eat.” The youngest of the two boys said patting her shoulder.

A smile found its way on JiHo’s lips as she finally dug in, grateful that her friends were there to help her cheat her diet and feel more comfortable.

[2020 | Su Casa Mi Casa | NCT Dorm, 5th floor]

“He definitely fell on his butt.” “Wasn’t he embarrassed?” “It’s Mark I’m talking about, of course he was, but we’re so used to it now. So no one called him out for it.” JiHo giggled. She was video chatting with one of her friends from back home in France, while getting ready for bed. “I swear to God, your friends are so weird!” “Hey, you’re also my friend.” JiHo reminded the girl on the other side of the screen.

Suddenly the door to JiHo’s room opened and in walked Haechan. Wearing comfortable clothes and with a Nintendo Switch in hand he blindly fell onto JiHo’s bed. “Wait a second.” JiHo told her friend and turned her attention to the intruder. “What are you doing?”

Acting as if JiHo’s presence was new to him, Haechan looked at the girl with a raised eyebrow. “Hmm?” She shook her head at his clueless tone. “I’m talking to my friend right now. What are you doing here?” “I’m not bothering you right? You can just continue. It’s not as if I can understand what you’re saying anyway.”

JiHo rolled her eyes and decided to ignore him. “What’s going on?” JiHo’s friend asked with a giggle, amused by JiHo’s I’m-so-done-with-him look. “Haechan mistook my room for his again.” Haechan perked up at the mention of his name, but JiHo continued to ignore him. “Ow, don’t act like you mind. You’ve told me otherwise before anyway!” Her friend exposed her and JiHo rolled her eyes. “Okay~ Whatever.”

The conversation between JiHo and her friend continued on for another 15 minutes and when JiHo finished her night skin-care routine the friends ended the call.

“Move.” JiHo motioned Haechan to move over as she sat down next to him and watched the game he was playing. “Did Johnny oppa get mad at you bothering him too much or what?” “Nope, I just like your room, it smells nice here.” A puff of air escaped JiHo’s lips, which were turned up into a smile. “It’s called ventilation and a lot less hormones.” This time it was Haechan’s turn to roll his eyes.

When Haechan didn’t say anything - which JiHo did not expect - the girl spoke up once more. “Okay, I know you like how my room smells or whatever, but it’s still my room.” “You don’t care when people enter your room.” Haechan stated. “I don’t, but not at midnight when I’m about to go to bed.” “You don’t care if it’s Lucas.” “It’s because I like Lucas more than you.” JiHo stuck out her tongue and Haechan mirrored her mockingly.

Getting slightly annoyed JiHo pushed Haechan by his arm. “I want to sleep.” “I have every right to be here.” “What? No you don’t. It’s my room.” JiHo countered.

Finally Haechan put down his Switch and turned to the “annoyed” girl. “What’s the saying? Su casa mi casa?” “It’s mi casa su casa, you idiot.” JiHo couldn’t help but snicker at the boy’s mistake. “And also that doesn’t work here, because it’s both our house. We live together.” “Well more reasons that I have every right to be here.” Haechan grabbed his Switch again and laid back in a comfortable position. “Now move, I’m about to beat this level.” He bit his lip, focussing on his game.

A loud groan left JiHo’s lips as she stood up and grabbed her pillow. “What are you doing?” Haechan asked wide-eyed as the girl turned towards the door. “I’m either sleeping in Doyoung’s room or stealing your bed.” She explained and started to walk away, but Haechan stopped her and pulled her by her wrist. “What?” “How am I going to annoy you when you’re not in the same room?” JiHo squinted at Haechan and tried to walk away again, only to be pulled back once more. “Haechan-” “Wait, just stay here and watch me beat this last level. Please.” He pleaded sweetly and JiHo couldn’t help but sit back down next to him.

For about an hour JiHo watched over Haechan’s shoulder as he tried to beat the boss level of his game. Once he finally finished it he noticed how she had already fallen asleep. A chuckle left his lips as he climbed over her until he was standing beside the bed. Haechan pulled the blanket over her body and made his way back to his room.

[2021 | Lara Croft | SM Practise Room]

Dream was definitely one of the louder and more chaotic units within NCT. So when Mark entered the room he wasn’t surprised to see Jeno trying to fight Jisung and Chenle trying, and succeeding, to annoy Renjun. What he didn’t expect to see was Jaemin watching Haechan braid JiHo’s hair with the most focussed expression.

“What’s going on here?” Mark chuckled confused as he settled next to Jaemin. “He wasn’t going to stop bothering me until I let him braid my hair.” JiHo explained. “Your hair is finally long enough, I don’t get why you always kept your hair short.” “Why? You don’t like my hair short?” JiHo questioned looking slightly offended. “No! I didn’t mean it like that.” He then placed both hands on her cheeks and turned her head so she was facing the front - away from him - again.

Mark gave up on asking more questions and decided that a conversation with Jaemin would be a better idea. A few minutes passed until Haechan let out a loud screech. “DONE!” “Don’t yell like that!” JiHo scolded the boy and hit his thigh.

JiHo then looked at Jaemin and Mark expectantly. “How does it look?” “Uhm. I guess you kinda look like Lara Croft?” Mark said hesitantly. JiHo seemed to be pleased with the answer and started walked towards the mirror. “Yeah if she took a big ass tumble.” Haechan quickly added just as JiHo could inspect her reflection.

“Lee Haechan!” The braid that fell over her shoulder looked, for a lack of a better word, rough. The three strands of the braid were completely uneven and some parts of her hair stuck out of the braid. “I thought you knew what you were doing?” “I thought so too. I guess I just need more practise.” He bashfully replied, fingertips scratching the back of his head.

Soon enough the choreographer entered the room and the guys began their practise. JiHo had filled in for Mark while he had to miss the first 2 practises, so she was there to help him find his place in the different formations.

Going through some of the moves JiHo ended up getting knocked over by Jeno. He quickly helped her up and apologised. “Don’t worry about it.” She smiled and the other boys began teasing her for “messing up”. The comments were all very light hearted and JiHo could laugh with all of them, but Haechan decided to throw a little harsher comment. “JiHo, you had one job and you couldn’t even do that!” He dramatically threw his hands up in the air.

“Excuse you, Haechan-ssi.” She emphasised the formal way of addressing him. “I came to help you guys, but if you want to I can leave.” She said while making her way to the door of the practise room. “Wait! Don’t leave!”

Haechan pulled the girl towards him, enveloping her tightly in his arms. “I’m sorry!” He apologised profusely to which JiHo, and the other boys, began laughing. “Why? You don’t really need me, I think Mark got everything down. No?” She eyed Mark and he nodded. “Yeah, I think I’m all set.” “No! You know Mark hyung. He forgets easily, you need to stay until the last practise.” Mark scoffed at the minor insult towards him, but couldn’t help but smile fondly watching how clingy Haechan was towards the girl.

“Okay, I was just joking. I’ll stay, so let me go.” “What are you talking about?” Haechan said while still suffocating the girl in a tight hug. “You’re still holding me. Let go.” She tapped his arm a few times to signal he should let her go. “No I’m not.” His smile wasn’t visible to JiHo, but the rest of the boys could see how much he enjoyed teasing - or it could be holding - JiHo. “Guys please help.” She reached her hand out towards the other boys, but they just watched the girl struggle while Haechan seemed to be having the time of his life.

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

Let’s Talk: Jimin’s & Tae’s confessions (RUN Episode 141)

by Admin 1

Originally, I planned on writing a summary or vmin cut of the RUN episode but then I transcribed Jimin’s and Tae’s confessions and it got me thinking, and now here we are. Instead of a summary here are some of my musings and thoughts about their confessions and how they are right in line with things they’ve said in the past, and even quite recently, as well as how it fits with something Namjoon said in 2020 about them as well. I hope this will at least be somewhat interesting.

So, first, let’s look at Jimin’s confession, since this is longer and was first in the episode:

Jimin’s Confession

Jimin: Sometimes I am blunt. I’m like that at times. 

Na PD: Taehyung, has Jimin ever said anything bluntly to you?

Tae: Nowadays, he's really putting in effort to fix that to the point where it rarely happens anymore. Jimin tends to be very hard on himself, which also broke our hearts to see. 

Na PD: So, he gets stressed from himself, then gets mad at himself...

Tae: Then gets mad at himself.

Na PD: ...and then he blurts remarks.

(here it was a bit unclear (for me at least) which of the two said which line so I’m sorry if I mixed them up)

Jimin: It’s something I want to be forgiven for.

Tae: But Jiminie being blunt and me being blunt is completely different. Jimin has a kind hearted nature on the regular.

Na PD: Right.

Jimin: Are you usually not like that?

Tae: I’m, well...

The other members stop Tae, since it’s not time for his confession, and instead the question is posed by JK if they forgive Jimin to which everyone says yes.

Tae: You’re innately kind at heart. stretches out hand for handshake.

Jimin: Thank you. Jimin thinks (?) Tae might be going for a fist bump since he gives him his fist instead, which Tae still takes and shakes.

The first thing about this that caught my attention, as well as one of our anons, was the fact that instead of choosing literally any of the other members, Na PD turned to Tae and asked him to verify if something like that (as in Jimin being blunt) ever happened toward him. You could say we’re thinking too much here, interpreting too much into it, and yet it doesn’t change the fact that he chose to ask Tae. Of course it could be because he said at the start of the program that he feels closest to Tae since he heard about him from two of his Wooga squad friends, but it might’ve just as well been because he watched the members for a while already at that point (since they’d already been filming a few hours) and perhaps he did notice how Tae and Jimin naturally gravitate toward each other, have this special bond? Other people who worked with them in the past noticed it, so why wouldn’t he?

There’s actually moment where Jimin turns and says Taehyungie like he wants to ask him something or say something to him which isn’t in the subs and the members don’t notice it either so Jimin never got to actually say whatever he wanted to say. Also, we’ve all seen how Tae and Jimin behaved during the game in the previous episode, how happy, smiley and giggly they were while being silly together.

Then the actual confession itself, Jimin saying that he can be blunt at times, toward others but also especially toward himself. We’ve heard many times from Jimin about how much of a perfectionist he is, how he can get mad at himself for mistakes, how he sometimes speaks without thinking which can end up a bit mean/blunt, and now he’d like to be forgiven for it.

This actually reminded me of something he said to Tae before:

FESTA 2020 from 42:56 min onward (context - the question was: have you felt disappointed in or sorry to the member to your right?):

Jimin: For Taehyung I should say if I compare those two feelings to him I was more hurt than sorry. Over time, it was reversed. Now I don’t feel slighted. I’m more sorry about things. Back then we were buddies so we had a lot of disagreements or didn’t admit that we were wrong. So I felt disappointed about little things. Now he listens to me well so I feel sorry that I talked to him harshly and every little thing.

The last line especially sticks out to me. I know there’s some language nuance here that got lost in translation which wisha mentioned when the FESTA 2020 video was posted (but is now gone since her twt was suspended), and yet it doesn’t change that fact that it fits with Jimin’s confession, how he was harsh to Tae in the past but now feels sorry for it, and with what Tae said, that Jimin is now making an effort to fix that behavior, to not be so blunt/harsh anymore.

It’s so interesting to me to see these mentions of what could be seen as character flaws over the years, things that make them inherently human. Also it fits with what we know about the evolution of vmin, how they used to have disagreements, have issues with proper communication but over time worked on it, got better at it to the point where they can now understand each other by just looking into each other’s eyes, and Tae’s words about Jimin, how he’s an angel, the warmest person he ever met, and now how he has a kind hearted nature, therefore the bluntness is not taking away from it in any way.

There was also something about this in Jimin’s solo RollingStone interview which caught my attention:

(btw, if you haven’t yet, I highly recommend reading the main and solo RollingStone interviews because they are really, really good!)

Taehyung’s confession

Tae: Compared to the other members, I’m very lazy. Once I’ve set my mind on something, to get that into action, it takes me up to 2 months. I’m start working out, then quit. I’ve quit projects midway too. I’m the type where if I’m not feeling it, I don’t do it. There are times when I feel sorry to the members. 

Someone (I can’t pinpoint the voice): How would be summarize this?

Jimin: You’d usually call this as “irresponsible”. He lacks responsibility,

Tae: I’m still an amateur. 

Na PD: “I lack responsibility and am lazy”. Is that how we can understand it?

Tae: Yes.

Jimin: To be honest, we don’t think it’s to that extent, but if that’s what he feels... we forgive him.

Something I love about what Jimin said (in far fewer words than I will use because you know me, I can’t keep myself short) is that he essentially did two things at once, being: he assured Tae (and the viewers) that him and the members think differently, don’t see it as severely as Tae does himself, and then he also acknowledged the validity of Tae’s words, that even if Jimin doesn’t agree with him, Jimin knows that those feelings are still valid, that that’s what Tae feels and that, at the end of the day, even if the members don’t agree, they can’t change Tae’s mind, can’t force him into seeing things differently. The only person who can do that is Tae himself, and that’s okay. Jimin and the other members will still quietly support and reassure him when needed until he’ll “fix” this weakness, if that is something he wants to do.

This really shows how in tune with Tae Jimin is, but also how emotionally intelligent he is. Beautiful. Also, notice how Jimin said that without being asked to do so, which will come into play again a little later in this post and why I point it out specifically again.

Listening (or rather reading along) as Tae said that, it reminded me of something he said a few months ago:

Taehyung BE-hind Story Interview from 5:49 min onward:

Q: How do you cope when it’s hard to work/with these situations?

Tae: I’m very true to my emotions so uh...if I can’t write the songs or can’t come up with a title I just don’t. Like now! 

Yoongi: That’s actually the best way. 

Tae: I just don’t write it like how I’m doing it now, and I don’t want to be pressured to create something against my will. 

Yoongi: It’s not like you have to finish a song within a day or two? 

Tae: Right! So I’ve been taking some rest for about four months now. Now that I’m resting for four months... 

Yoongi: Wasn’t your mixtape supposed to be out last year? 

Tae: The mixtape that was supposed to happen last year was postponed. I should be in a state full of emotions right now, but I haven’t reached it yet. It’s like...my first mixtape so I want to feel that satisfaction when I release it whenever that time will be. 

Yoongi: That’s why you have to finish the whole thing while you’re at it... 

Tae: Yes. 

Yoongi: ...or else it takes too long to finish it. So, you have to finish it within that period. 

 Tae: Right. 

Yoongi: I’m guessing you might’ve missed the time.

The thing though is that what Tae said, that if he doesn’t feel it, he won’t do it/finish it, that just shows how much of an artist he is, how much his art truly matters to him, and how important it is to him that his art, in this case his music, turns out just the way he wants it to or else he won’t finish it or release it. And while Tae might call this “irresponsible”, I don’t think it’s that in this case, or that it’s a sign of laziness either, though just like Jimin, I don’t want to invalidate his feelings either. All I want to bring across is how in the context of his music, this isn’t a weakness or flaw, even if it might seem like it, especially in their line of work with deadlines, schedules and plans made weeks and months in advance where, usually, you can’t just take a four month break.

So, in that regard, I can understand how it can feel like a flaw to him, make him feel guilty about it and sorry to the members who in this case might rely on him to get something done on time and he might not do it, or not without forcing himself to do it or being dissatisfied, you know what I mean?

Earlier today Tae was on weverse and answered a few questions about his mixtape (though I have a feeling it really is time for ARMY to stop asking him about it and just let him breath) where he said that even though he got a song from someone and made ten himself, even with that break he took according to his BE interview, the songs just aren’t what he wanted them to be and thus he decided to start again.

Some could say it’s again a case of him being irresponsible the way he characterized it during the RUN episode, that even though he said last year he was almost done and would release it soon it ended up being postponed and now he started over again, but once again I think it just shows how very important his music is to him, and therefore I’d actually call it a strength. It shows how valuable his artistic expression is to him, to create music the way he wants to, at his own pace, and only release it once he feels it’s right.

One more thing, just like I said in the intro of this post, Jimin and Tae jumping in to assure the other, reminded me of something Namjoon said during his Map of the Soul : 7 vlive last year:

The context is a little different, but I think it’s still valid here as well, how Tae and Jimin made excuses for each other, how Tae immediately softened how harsh Jimin’s own words about himself might come across, assured both us and Jimin that really he has a kind heart despite this weakness, and then also Jimin by saying that things aren’t as bad as Tae makes them seem either. It’s interesting to really see something play out in a manner similar to what another member said about them based on having been with Jimin and Tae for the last nearly ten years.

Whoever claims that BTS just play out concepts or “plots” and characters given to them by the company really should just take a seat and stop. I mean, sure they all have a sort of persona they embody in front of the camera, at least to a certain degree, they’ve spoken about that numerous times, but they are still humans with flaws and their own dynamics between each other away from the cameras which, logically, also come across on camera as well, not always but enough for us to pick up on it. And in this case, with these confessions during RUN, we saw something that we previously only really heard about happen right in front of us proving (not that they have to prove anything to us, of course, we should simply trust them and what they tell us) that it really is that way.

Here’s the anon I mentioned earlier:

From anon: It might just be me lol but I think rather than Jimin forgetting he's being filmed for a show (with all those members of staff as onlookers as well) and blowing a kiss at Tae / blowing on Tae's chest, he probably just noticed a tiny bit of lint or fluff on Tae's cardigan or mic and decided to blow it off... Of course, if that was the case, that still reveals their high level of intimacy and the fact that even when interacting infront of strangers they seem to be unable to stop showing exactly how tuned into each other they are... I don't think it's a coincidence that Na PD chose to ask Tae, of all the members, to verify Jimin's statement about his flaw. He was probably observing them all day and noticed how particularly close they were, even amongst all the extremely close members.

[perhaps-in-anotherdream]

[CN] S2 Victor- Setting Sail On A Journey (Eng Translation)

⌚ Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for a company project that is yet to be released in the global server! ⌚

✧ NOTE ✧

This post features S2 Victor and MC, but doesn’t contain any spoiler regarding the S2 storyline!

This company project is the continuation of “Right Now Is The Time.” So remember to read that first! (◍•ᴗ•◍)

ー

[ SECTION 1 ]

MC: Goldman has broken his foot?

Didn’t he even excitedly post several mountain climbing videos in his moments two days ago, saying that he has bravely climbed to peak of the mountain? How did he suddenly break his foot?

Victor: He requested for two-week leave of absence. It’s a good time to look for an intern from your show to come at the summit.

Early this morning, I received a call from Victor, saying that there is something he wants to discuss with me. So it actually turns out to be this matter....

When the fifth episode of “Right Now is The Time” is broadcast, the filming of the show will enter its final stage as well.

But in contrast to the huge attention the show is receiving now, the pre-planned filming of the show was clearly a little tame.

If an intern can be allowed to carry out Goldman’s post for filming at the summit, it will indeed be a good content to attract the mass attention.

MC: However, this position is very important. If you let the interns who are shooting in the show to come at the summit, it’d be more or less suspected as a publicity stunt....

MC: Wouldn’t it be harmful for LFG’s professionalism?

Victor is currently taking out a small box of coffee beans from the cupboard. Hearing what I’ve said, he lifts his eyes slightly to glance at me.

Victor: There is no need to think in such complicated ways.

Victor: Whether LFG is professional or not, it’s never reflected through these minor details.

Victor: I’m not worried about the issue at all, so naturally, you don’t need to be worried. What you need to think over is, as far as this design is considered, whether it’s going to be beneficial for the show or not.

Almost as soon as the words leave Victor’s mouth, I immediately step forward, and nod at him vigorously.

MC: It’s beneficial, too beneficial. It’s settled then. I’ll have him arrive on-site immediately!

MC: Oh, by the way, he is that intern who bought medicine for you before. His name is Liu Cheng.

But.... as I finish speaking in one breath, my heart is once again somewhat unable of deciding what to do. Seeing the look of wanting to say something but hesitating on my face, Victor naturally tosses in the question.

Victor: What’s wrong now?

MC: ....He’s been a little out of form lately, and I don’t know if he’d be competent for this job.

MC: His performance has always been very outstanding before.

MC: Whether it’s the proposals, making PPTs or reports, organizing documents or dealing with the suppliers– they are all more professional than the other interns.

MC: But these past two days I’ve observed him, and as long as the camera is pointed at him, his state of nervousness is visible to the unaided eye.

I actually know the reason clearly too: He shone so outstandingly that, he became the most popular intern after the show was broadcast.

Whether it’s a chance encounter with a passer-by on the street, or a breaking out on the new tidbits, he is always being pushed into the trending topics. With the huge attention sweeping over him, an imbalance in mentality is inevitable.

Victor: Any matter is a situation with two sides to it, especially the matter of being in the limelight. You know that best.

Victor: If you’re worried that he won’t be up for the task, you could substitute to someone else.

I subconsciously reject this proposal in my heart.

MC: But in terms of effects of the show, and the degree of professional compatibility, he is the most fitting....

MC: Even if it can’t be as satisfactory as people’s expectations in the end, it will still display the most real effects of the show.

Victor puts down the coffee bean grinder, and nods at me.

Victor: In a while, I’ll get someone to go and work with him.

Victor: At this present stage, he only needs to handle the simple itinerary issues. Many projects involve commercial confidentiality, and it isn’t the time for him yet to get on board. So there is nothing to be worried about.

I give Victor a beaming smile.

MC: Thank you CEO Victor for your support and attention to this show. At the celebration banquet, you’re sitting at the main table~

Victor can’t help but let out a laugh, and then sweeps his eyes on me again.

Victor: Aren’t you going to inform your intern to come over and report?

I stretch out my left hand, glance at my bare wrist, and pretend as though I’m looking at my wrist watch, lightly coughing at Victor in a deadpan tone.

MC: CEO Victor, there is still half an hour left before the LFG employees have to officially get to work....

I wink at him, my gaze falling on his coffee bean grinder.

MC: Not having a cup of coffee together?

◇──◆──◇──◆──◇──◆──

[ SECTION 2 ]

Today is the third day of Liu Cheng’s assignment in his new post, and it’s also an important day for the meeting of the new project.

Aside from Victor, several executives who have their hands in the project are all here.

At this moment, the seats in the conference room are already packed with people. But Liu Cheng, the person in charge for conducting the process, is late.

As I keep waiting at the door for a while, I catch the sight of him trotting all the way over here, and he starts bowing to me even before he reaches in front of me.

Liu Cheng: I’m sorry, I’m sorry sister MC.... I’m late.

Liu Cheng: Is CEO Victor here already? Is he angry?

I pat him on the shoulder, and let him go directly into the conference room.

Although the people sitting inside are executives, but they all have the mutual relationship of co-workers with each other. From the moment they enter through the door it’s all– you’d say one word and I’d say another one. The atmosphere is far from heavy.

But Liu Cheng is clearly intimidated, and he walks straight up to the front burying his head. I can see his face turning blue and pale, and all his limbs appear very stiff and overcautious too.

....He is obviously feeling guilty.

This eye-catching white colored suit and white sneakers of his truly form a stark contrast with the meticulous style inside LFG’s conference room.

Victor is sitting in the first seat on the left side of the conference table. He turns his head to glance towards everyone sitting at the back row, and the sound of chatter that has still been rising and falling just now, promptly dies down.

Everyone sits up straight, loosens the buttons of their suits, and places their hands on the table, preparing to listen seriously.

He turns to look at Liu Cheng again, and motions at him lightly, his face still showing no expression.

Victor: Let’s begin.

Liu Cheng hurriedly nods his head, and begins to explain the first item on the agenda to everyone according the original flow of the meeting.

After the end of the three-hour meeting, I creep up to Victor, and leave the room along with him, following into the corridor while gesturing for the cameraman to catch up.

MC: Isn’t CEO Victor going to evaluate Liu Cheng’s today’s performance?

Seeing that I’ve intentionally brought the cameraman dangling in front of him, Victor casts a helpless expression of “If you want to say something, say it directly.”

MC: The thing is, he actually had a reason for being late today, but it doesn’t really have reasonable grounds.

MC: There is an advertising company who came to our doors, and invited them to shoot a short film for an educational organization.

MC: Liu Cheng has the best appearance, and he’s also the most popular. The client designated him to take on a lot of filming materials alone.

MC: Time was too tight. He was in a hurry to leave, so he didn’t have the time to change his clothes.

While we are talking, Liu Cheng has already caught up to us on large strides, only to stand back and not daring to approach, standing a few steps away from us in a silly daze.

As Victor turns his head to glance at him, he hurriedly runs forward, bowing solemnly at Victor.

Liu Cheng: I’m sorry CEO Victor. I was late for an important meeting, and my outfit wasn’t standard either.

Liu Cheng: I don’t know if the company has a corresponding punishment system. I’m willing to accept it all.... I’ve failed to live up to CEO Victor and sister MC’s trust. I’m very sorry.

Victor remains expressionless as before, seemingly he really hasn’t taken this matter to the heart.

Victor: It’s indeed wrong to be late. Don’t do it another time.

Victor: Remember to send the summary of today’s meeting to my email before getting off work.

Hearing the first sentence “It’s indeed wrong to be late,” Liu Cheng even stifles, face turning red. But upon hearing the next sentence of being asked to do the summary of the meeting, a pleasant surprise immediately spreads across his whole face.

Liu Cheng: Y-y-yes, okay! I’ll go do it at once!

This kind of narrative direction is a very “prominent feature” in variety shows. As such, I give Victor an expression of expectation.

MC: CEO Victor.... mind if I do a very short, very brief, really very short, tiny interview of you?

Victor doesn’t refuse.

◇──◆──◇──◆──◇──◆──

[ SECTION 3 ]

I place Victor onto the sofa in the CEO’s office, and toss the questions directly without any script.

MC: Regarding the topic of Liu Cheng being late today because of an advertisement filming....

MC: CEO Victor, don’t you think it’s a very serious mistake for an intern employee to be late?

MC: Speaking from the point of view of work ethics or from the perspective of time management.

Victor gives the answer almost without thinking.

Victor: He was wrong. Then he recognized that, and I’ve also told him already that it’s not right to be late.

With that said, he points towards the camera again.

Victor: Each one of Liu Cheng’s actions, each one of his words has already been recorded on camera. His strengths will be magnified, and so will be his shortcomings in the same way.

Victor: He knows that he will be facing the criticisms of many people when the show is broadcast, and that also includes the people who now place high hopes on him, and give him unconditional support.

Victor: In my opinion, he has already undertaken all the psychological burdens he ought to be bearing in advance.

Victor: There is no need to say anything more.

When Victor says these words, I can’t help but think of the scene when I’ve discussed this topic with him before.

Carrying the title of CEO of LFG on his head, no matter what he says or what he does, everything will constantly be followed closely by the media, magnifying the views therein infinitely.

Regardless of what decision he makes, someone is bound to find mistakes in the minor details, someone is bound to wait to see him fall on his face, and make a fool of himself.

He simply never cared about these. So much so that, when I am the one feeling grievances on his behalf or taking the initiative on his behalf, he straightforwardly tells me too that I don’t need to. But—

But anyone understands the truth. He is able to put himself in Liu Cheng’s shoes, and consider the time he undertakes the heavy weight of public opinions. What if actually at a certain stage....

Even if it was for a certain moment, a certain instant, he had once also felt the similar feelings?

MC: Victor, do you think that this genre of shows for young people like Liu Cheng who are just out of school, aren’t actually meant to be very good?

Putting them in an environment where they are considered as entertainments, scrutinized, evaluated, supervised and urged on to complete a task under the publics’ gaze– perhaps it’s a consumption for them.

MC: They are still too young after all.

Victor leans forward towards me, and his purposefully slowed down voice seems to be encouraging me about something.

Victor: You’ll have to find the answer to this question for yourself.

Victor: However, according to what I’ve learnt about them in this period of time, they are among the most outstanding of youngsters— Don’t underestimate them.

He stands up and walks forward, but he still meets my gaze out of the corner of his eyes.

Victor: Still having coffee today?

I shift in front of him, and point to the clock on the wall.

MC: It will be the time to get off work in a while. Is CEO Victor going to work overtime to make coffee for me?

MC: How about we owe the coffee in advance, and head straight to dinner, okay?

Victor lowers his eyes to size me up, carrying an expression of whether he may be laughing or not.

Victor: Up to you.

◇──◆──◇──◆──◇──◆──

[ SECTION 4 ]

The following two days, Victor’s schedule is about being a guest at an industry summit forum.

As it goes without saying, every time he attends an event, he is bound to gain a great amount of attention. Nowadays, he even brings the regular on trending topics, Liu Cheng, along with him. Naturally, reporters from all walks of life flock there.

Victor gets out of the car with the usual– strangers do not approach– written on his face, and is invited into the venue, sitting down at the first row of VIP seats. Liu Cheng, however, is stopped by the security guards, and is asked to enter through the audience passageway.

Seeing that Liu Cheng is alone, bunch of young reporters surrounding outside the venue immediately seize the opportunity to ask him all sorts of questions.

Reporter: W-wow! Liu Cheng, you are even more handsome in person compared to the show, and your today’s suit looks very good on you!

Reporter: Is your show still being filmed? Is the filming about to be finished? Are you planning to continue staying at LFG or go straight into the entertainment industry? You can act with that face!

Reporter: Is CEO Victor usually ominous or not? Have you ever been intimidated by him?

Liu Cheng is surrounded by them, and being unable of answering anything either, he busies in casting embarrassing smiles towards me. I hurriedly go over, pull him out of the crowd, and bring him to the venue.

Liu Cheng: ....Thank you sister MC. If I had known earlier.... and were a bit quick-witted, I could have avoided them.

MC: Once you get the hang of it, you will be experienced the next time.

Liu Cheng: Haha, I’m not a celebrity anyway. I won’t be using this kind of experience in the future....

Not long after we sit down, the host comes up on stage, and I see the lights setting off in Liu Cheng’s eyes. The individual presiding over the conference is a very famous, self-media in the finance sector.

Victor deserves to be reckoned as Victor. In the following sessions, regardless of whether it’s a core business magazine, media professionals or industrial scholars– after coming up on stage, they all can’t help but ask—

Does CEO Victor have any view on this topic?

There are several hundreds of audiences off the stage, and the entrepreneurs with the name Victor– you can’t finish counting them all on ten fingers. But when someone calls out “Mr. Victor,” the host knows that he has to give the microphone to Victor.

[ Note: Here, MC actually uses Victor’s family name in Chinese “李” (Li). What she says actually says is— “....entrepreneurs with the surname Li.... But when someone calls out ‘Mr. Li,’ the host knows that he has to give the microphone to Li Zeyan (李泽言).” The same goes for the part where MC says “Victor deserves to be reckoned as Victor” where it’s obviously hinted at the meaning of “Li Zeyan (李泽言).” In case, you are interested, here is an explanation of the meaning: ♡♡ , translated by @wedreamedlove ]

Each time as he waits for Victor to finish speaking, Liu Cheng will applaud frantically, only to clap as his both hands get red through and through. Not only him, but these hundreds of people at the infield will applaud, and the sound is akin to thunder rolls.

Halfway through the conference, Liu Cheng suddenly leans over.

Liu Cheng: Sister MC, the meeting with the advertising company is the day after tomorrow.... I’d rather not go.

He suddenly approaches with such a sentence without head or tail, which makes me react after a long time.

MC: Okay.

Liu Cheng: I’ve though about it. Also work is more important.... and now I’m working together with CEO Victor, not everyone can have this kind of opportunity.

Liu Cheng: Besides— studying business is much more interesting than filming advertisements.

Liu Cheng: I’m still more fond of business.

As he says this, Victor once again picks up the microphone to speak, and everyone all around rises to concentrate their attention, especially Liu Cheng.

I feel that the expression in his eyes as he looks at Victor, is brimmed with unprecedented resoluteness.

Perhaps it’s only me being upset over nothing, that’s all. Victor is right. They shouldn’t be underestimated.

This answer is just right.

◇──◆──◇──◆──◇──◆──

[ SECTION 5 ]

After the filming of the last episode of the show, the photography team withdraws from LFG.

As the master moves the last box of equipment in the car, I turn around and buy two cups of coffee from the coffee shop, and bring them upstairs to Victor.

MC: I’ve been freeloading your coffee for quite a while. Today it’s on me.

Victor: After freeloading for over ten days, giving back just one cup?

MC: ....You’re the CEO. Don’t haggle over every ounce like this.

MC: Oh, by the way, Liu Cheng filmed the last part of the interview today. Wanna know what he said?

Seeing that I’m impatiently wanting to show something, Victor picks up a stack of documents as he sips his coffee.

Victor: I can watch it when the show airs.

MC: He said....

I know he is doing it deliberately. As such, I simply bring a video of the segment in front him– which I’ve recorded, directly facing the center of his line of sight.

MC: “Receiving attention is only an outward appearance. But the reason you’re receiving the attention for is what’s more important.”

MC: “I hope that one day people will be paying attention to me because I’ve made contributions to some extent in my field, and have become a benchmark in the industry.”

MC: “When the moment comes, I will be able to let these attentions display an even bigger impact.”

MC: “And lead these attentions towards more significant fields or focus on more significant products....”

The condition of the audio recording of the video isn’t good, so I read out these words of Liu Cheng to Victor in their original form.

MC: Victor.... you are really great. You haven’t taught him any major principles, but you have made him realize these on his own with your every word and action.

Victor: I didn’t do anything. He was the smart one.

Although Victor only says these words lightly, but his gaze has been resting on the video in my phone all along. I read-out a little bit of gratification and affirmation from this expression of his.

Victor: You’ve filmed the show pretty good this time.

With that said, he hands a folder to me. I open it and take a look at it. It’s an approval from the HR department, which contains all the jobs these interns are about to be assigned to.

Each one of them has received a formal offer, and they are on the verge of taking a step forward, exhibiting their talents within this tremendous business empire of LFG.

Victor: Liu Cheng is the only school student enrollment of the Investment Banking Department this year.

Victor: Everyone speaks very highly of him. You have a pretty good eye in choosing people too.

MC: Of course— This is the best that I’ve tracked down and selected very carefully from thousands of excellent students. It was easy on you!

I put down the folder, and slowly lean closer to Victor.

MC: CEO Victor, I’ve recommended eight people to you at one-time, and all of them are on board. Shouldn’t we settle this “headhunting fee?”

Victor ponders for a while, and then nods to my surprise. He turns on his phone, and I don’t know what he fiddles with– I instantly receive a new email.

— A notification of project approval being granted?

Victor: Your approval has been granted. You can start to prepare for the new project.

MC: ....

Victor: Not worth being happy about?

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry, and being left with no better option– I nod at him heavily.

MC: Worth it.... very much worth it. Thanks CEO Victor for your affirmation. As always, I will be troubling you with the next show as well!

Victor laughs as he turns off the computer, and then he gets up to pick up his suit jacket.

Victor: Let’s go, luminous and sparkling gold medal producer.

Victor: It’s time for dinner.

Having returned to my senses, I find that the curtain of night has long since fallen, the french window reflecting the silhouettes of Victor and I.

And outside the window, the white lights of countless office buildings intersect as they echo each other, embellishing the night sky, and gazing into the distant vast sky full of stars accompanying each other.

MC: Mm, let’s go.

◇──◆──◇──

[ EXTRA TIDBITS- Spoiler Warning: ]

On the “coffee” being a running topic in this company project—

Even though it’s a normal happening for the characters in the game to have coffee together, but in Victor’s case— it holds a special meaning. In CH 37 of S1, in the farewell with Victor, MC told him that she will bring him a cup of coffee when she returns.

In S2, CH 1: We have Victor saying it himself that MC always brings him coffee. And we also see how seriously MC takes this gesture (despite the Victor she brings the coffee to, not remembering it now) when she makes a detour only to buy him a cup of coffee.

In the R&S “Seaming the words and thoughts:” [ translated by @ey8508​ ] We see that this has turned into  a very terrible habit.

In CH 10: We see that this habit is still very much thriving.

....Just me casually dropping some angst. :'(

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