#I actually watched these in January but you know how the queue is

[safyresky]

Do you ever intend to write more about the eleven months of Jack community service (before the start of Crystal Springs)? While reading the new version of the chapters on Ao3, this line grabbed my attention: "Letter time with Santa was drool, but he found that those were the best times to mend bridges with Santa, and eventually, Carol." I'm intrigued about how their relationship evolved from hostility to friendship

Oh my god, I absolutely LOVE this question! I've never really thought about it tbh, but it would make a good smile shot or two, wouldn't it?

I've been rotating this question around my brain all evening, and figure this is as good a place as any to share some surface thoughts on how their relationship evolved in those 11 months leading up to Crystal Springs:

Scott did NOT warm up fast at ALL. He only agreed to give Jack another chance BECAUSE Mother Nature and Bernard were like no, this isn't a trick, it's legit, dude

January was HARD

Jack reported for duty right away, offered to help all over the place

First day in Jack gets them both cocoas. Santa does NOT drink his because who KNOWS what Jack did to it

(Nothing)

Anyway, January, bad, Jack is like doing as MUCH as he can to help where he can and Scott is just watching like a HAWK, man is NOT taking any chances with Jack this time around, no sir

But Jack doesn't do anything bad? He's a little silly, kind of an ass still, but the Workshop, surprisingly, doesn't implode

He is actually helping in some places. Scott's wildin. He's like there's no fucking way. He's being this earnest? Fr? He's not plotting or scheming or causing shenanigans?

Bernard's like look dude, I don't wanna say I told you so but...¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Carol I think warms up to Jack first! She eventually convinces Scott to lay off a bit, he's had AMPLE time to DO something but hasn't, has just been helping out like they sentenced him to do

And, y'know, it seems like he's really actually trying to make up for what happened!

She's seen plenty of students in her time who pull themselves up by their bootstraps like this, and I'm sure she makes a Charlie comparison to soften Scott up a bit

Scott relents a LITTLE bit. Only a bit.

I think in February he notices how Jack's literally going all over the place, and finally one day he's like HOW are you doling this all. WHERE is the energy coming from. WHAT the actual fuck

And Jack shrugs like it's the right thing to do! And I have energy for days, it's fine

And Scott's like okay. Okay maybe stop spreading yourself so thin? Let's narrow things down. Stuff you hate? You don't have to do it

Queue Jack being like thank GOD because let me tell you toy making? JUST NO. Splinters? Slivers? And these undersized tools? STRONG PASS

A bad joke is made and Santa actually laughs

Jack's like oh! That was a laugh! I got you to laugh!

And Scott's like it was low hanging fruit, it was bad and that's why I laughed, this means NOTHING

And Jack's like, sure, sure, I'll soften you up Claus, just you wait! Cocoacinno?

He does, actually, drink this bevvy. He is pleasantly surprised when Jack doesn't actually do anything to it, and even more surprised that he finds it quite tasty--the man can make a drink.

February turns into March, and by then Jack's kinda found his stride and Scott's let him do some things with him, a bit for him to keep a close watch on him, and a bit bc he finds himself appreciating the company

It's kind of nice to have an. ACQUAINTANCE. That isn't an elf.

That's how letter time starts; Santa sits and reads and responds to letters, and Jack joins him and just kinda. Yap yap yap yap YAPS. Dude can CHAT. And it's not completely annoying! He's got crazy good stories, knows a lot of dirt about the OTHER Legends, and is always very nice to Carol and Buddy

He also sometimes has some very good things to add to the letters when Santa's coming up empty

"See? He's helping," Carol says, for the umpteenth time, and Scott's like "Yeah, yeah, yeah."

He's been around for a hot minute, too, and Scott finds himself enthralled sometimes with Jack's stories of ancient cultures he was around for--especially Rome!

Again, surface thoughts! I imagine it was gradual, and took some time, and took a lot of other people warming up to him first before Scott was like okay. Okay cool. I can trust this guy now! There's some other things I think that helped, too. I think he was v good with Baby Buddy as he got more towards the toddler end of the spectrum! And I think he had some like, heart of gold kind of moments too!

It's very VAGUE tbh! I just know for sure it was gradual, and took time, and a whole lot of patience and I'm sure blowing off some steam via snowstorms every so often too, lol.

I think I answered the question! sorry for the word vomit, apparently I am incapable of being succinct and too the point 🙃🙃🙃🙃

Here's a funny little excerpt from the CS notes that I imagine happened some time during Letter Time, to illustrate how I think letter time helped (like 4 o'clock coffee with my aunts! They stop, have coffee with each other and just chat and shoot the shit and I always learn so many new things about them every time I'm at one!)

When I wrote this spur of the moment funny, it was a) because of this vine and B) post Crystal Springs, hence the Jacqueline mention (mother fucker just cannot STAY OUT OF A CONVO WHEN SHE IS NOT THERE. She plagues me), and C) deffs a DM to someone based on the slahses instead of actual italics lmao.

Word barf aside, this is how I imagine letter time went for the most part: Scott doing his thang, Jack chattering away! It's probably why buddy knows so many words at just under a year old :P

ANYWAY. SNIPPET:

[ID in ALT]

[moonxsuncelestials]

I posted 1,536 times in 2022

448 posts created (29%)

1,088 posts reblogged (71%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@cuteteacakes

@akumanoken

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@chaoticxgays

I tagged 1,532 of my posts in 2022

#rp - 482 posts

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#outofdragonsbreathandhellfire - 236 posts

#li ic - 108 posts

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#cuteteacakes - 85 posts

#dash commentary - 67 posts

#akumanoken - 66 posts

#mirror of the darkside of the moon - 65 posts

#yue ic - 63 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#practical effects are just as hitandrunduo rp said cgi is best paired with animation or the actual practical effects because if done right

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

@twxn-brxthers​

“Huh? Interesting kingdom, huh Dad?” The tiger asked as his father nodded while he kept his side of the carriage shaded. “You sure about this, Dad? I can’t exactly give the guy cubs.”

“I know, Khan. But this is for the good of our kingdom and it will keep your uncle from trying to form a harem for you as he’s done for Jade.” He dragon king replied as his son shuddered. “You’re going to do just fine. Just promise me to keep your teasing to a tolerable level, okay?” He asked as his son nodded. “Good.” 

Khan purred as he was petted despite how unroyal like that was. But this was his dad, who threw out most royal customs, being affectionate to his children and loved ones. “We’re here.” 

The tiger gulped and once the carriage door opened, King Yun was given a parasol to protect him from the harsh sunlight. And thus began their new journey.

14 notes - Posted January 22, 2022

#4

~~The Story~~

Legends say that eons ago, long before the world humans knew and even began to understand their own existence and the power they would one day wield, The First Ones (Primals) ruled.

Born from the very primal waters of life deep within the seas and the Void, the First Ones were the original gods of the world; creating all that humans know of from the earth beneath our feet, the forests, the lakes, and rivers,  to the sky above and the other side where the spirits dwell. They even made a deal with Khaos to allow him to bring forth the Gods, children of his own who could mate with the children of the First Ones: the Dragons.

Whilst wars in the West came and went thanks to those like Kronos among the Greeks, the First Ones of the East came to a truce with their deities; creating harmony and balance that the West seemed to lack. And for many centuries, peace and harmony reigned in the East. Every few generations, a dragon or two would be given to the Gods to produce offspring, known as the Dramans.

Thrilled and pleased to have such a long and peaceful reign, the First Ones of the East agreed to quietly watch over though forewarned the Gods that should they begin to become like those of the West, they will destroy not only them but also what they care for the most: their humans.

Sadly this came to pass a century later and from the manipulations of both the Dragon Jade Emperor Zhixin and the Jade Emperor, the First Ones were sealed down into the depths of the sea, placing them into a deep slumber. One by one, the now called the Fallen Ones, the First Ones died out til only a handful remained but they swore that they would get even. 

A Fallen One by the name of Sacahiel foretold that it would be the First Ones’ first children, the Celestial Dragons, and those who had sided with them to strike back. They would become known as the Fallen Celestials and in the coming centuries, it was they who found Chang’e, having gone mad from her years of being isolated on the moon; the First Ones spoke through the whispers of the shadows, telling her to gather their children and how to gather them to her side. They whispered for her to find Hope, bring him to their side, and unlock the final seal that holds them in place.

Should Chang’e succeed, the balance shall be tipped and the world will end.

Memes X

See the full post

15 notes - Posted February 12, 2022

#3

@cuteteacakes​ from X

“You are to me, Caleb.” He replied with a soft smile as he reached to cup the other’s cheek. “You’re a kind young man, brilliant with your bakery and the games you play-you taught this old man after all how to keep cool on your stream.” With his dislike for technology, it had been a miracle that only Caleb could fashion to help him not panic and get him to talk about why he doesn’t like loud noises.

“We’ve both been hurt, Caleb. But you keep going, keep trying and not let the past upset you; I admire that.”

18 notes - Posted July 7, 2022

#2

@akumanoken​ from X

They were happy to see the princess excited, the children looking at one another before hearing that the woman was indeed Sakura’s mother; thus making her Li’s grandmother. And it made Li a little wary but remembering how it was the lady’s husband that he needed to be careful around; not her. 

Getting up, shyly, he ran to his mother and bowed politely to the queen of Makoto. “O-O-Obaacha? Nana?” He asked cutely as Jade grinned.

Whilst the boys and Fenghua remained with the queen of Makoto and Sakura, Yun was still rushing about before word reached him that his uncle had the king. Walking to them, he chuckled quietly at seeing how nervous the king appeared to be. “Uncle, come now, no need for hostilities.” 

Yet.

See the full post

22 notes - Posted August 1, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

@cuteteacakes​ said:

"Very much so...~" Caleb feigned fainting. "Only a kiss will revive me..~"

A kiss is exactly what Yun hoped for and he wasted no time giving Caleb a pretty passionate one. The type that leave them both dizzy from lack of oxygen. “I think I need to give you mouth-to-mouth~” He purred and let Caleb get his breath in before he began to kiss him again. 

Yue could handle the Oasis on her own and Castle-ah he can hear his old friend now cheering. Even Hope was excited, likely because the dragon was leaving the pain behind him. 

26 notes - Posted September 8, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[cyncity2000]

I posted 1,221 times in 2022

That's 141 more posts than 2021!

165 posts created (14%)

1,056 posts reblogged (86%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@salemruinseverything

@combeauferre

@sithiegoodness

@castielsupernatural

@twelvefifteencomic

I tagged 1,193 of my posts in 2022

Only 2% of my posts had no tags

#i like (the idea of) queue - 567 posts

#bastille - 127 posts

#send my regards to super hell - 110 posts

#video - 81 posts

#spn - 58 posts

#tiktok - 53 posts

#jill gets asks - 47 posts

#writing shit - 44 posts

#charlie barnes - 36 posts

#destiel - 35 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#so when it went back to paper for a bit i’d just take entire plates of fruit and dessert with me when i left 🤷‍♀️ sometimes real food too

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

yes i’m totally normal about woody & his dad doing a lil pub gig with dan and charlie and proceeding to play teenage dirtbag together, during which dan comes up to the mic with his phone open to the lyrics and then proceeds to immediately leave his microphone and go share with charlie instead for literally no reason. i’m fine <3 just . look at this shit

53 notes - Posted April 17, 2022

#4

ok but i am CRYING at this headline

57 notes - Posted January 6, 2022

#3

this was too long for twitter but honestly i was pleasantly surprised about the publicity for heartstopper because i expected everyone on twitter to be like "wELL if every single actor doesn't immediately come out to everyone then how do we KNOW all the queer characters are actually being played by queer actors hmMM??" bc yknow. the internet is just Like That 🙃

and heartstopper's response (bc they almost certainly anticipated this) was literally just like "we have a queer cast, trust us, and not a single person in the cast owes you any more information than that. not to MENTION we go above and beyond to show you that this tv series was CREATED not only by an openly queer author who was given FULL control to write the entire screen adaptation of their own graphic novels, but also by a openly queer director who specifically made sure to hire as many queer workers as possible for every. other. department of the show. because yes, it's super important that queer actors play queer characters; but it's even MORE important that the representation extends FAR beyond the people you see on screen."

bc THAT IS HOW YOU HAVE GOOD REPRESENTATION. NOT forcing all of your actors to spend every single interview fielding questions about their own personal gender & sexual identities. good representation is making sure that―unlike the majority of films and tv shows, sadly―if you look beyond the main cast, the roles of director/producer/writer/photographer/makeup artist/crew member/etc are ACTUALLY fulfilled by a diverse group of talented people. true representation doesn't stop at the actors, or the portrayal of characters. it goes all the way up the ladder to everyone making the movie/tv show/etc happen in the first place. change can't happen long-term unless "older," well-established people in the industry (like euros lyn) use their position to create opportunities for fresh, new, young, diverse talent.

tldr heartstopper is a brilliant example of how to properly create a series both by and for the lgbtq+ community, and i was SO relieved to see all the publicity revolve around the story and the actors and the importance of representation WITHOUT requiring anybody who wasn't already out to clarify anything about themselves.

(ramble mostly inspired by this and sourced from this, if you haven't watched the video you 100% should !!! also ofc special shoutout to kit for taking absolutely no shit from twitter)

70 notes - Posted May 16, 2022

#2

me, busy screaming about bim & senab maybe going on the US tour with bas

meanwhile, bastille:

85 notes - Posted April 18, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

ok slight tour spoiler ahead but: during one segment he asked us to pick a noise and an influencer. someone said ‘boink’ and he was like ‘somehow that still sounds sexual’ and then we got to influencer and he was like ‘oh my god did someone say PHIL??’ so the sentence ended up being something about a secret society called the boink run by phil lester

and THEN he fucking says (something like) ‘joke’s on you, me and phil have been in boink together from the START!!!’ and. dan. my dude. YOU were the one who said boink sounded sexual do you not realize what that Sounds Like 💀

172 notes - Posted October 14, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[crustaceousfaggot]

I posted 8,917 times in 2022

That's 5,741 more posts than 2021!

135 posts created (2%)

8,782 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@wolfbird14

@that-g3-obsessive

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I tagged 2,200 of my posts in 2022

#a swarm of queues - 637 posts

#tma - 167 posts

#goncharov - 87 posts

#rqg - 83 posts

#unreality - 78 posts

#malevolent - 76 posts

#the sandman - 50 posts

#dracula daily - 48 posts

#ofmd - 42 posts

#the magnus archives - 41 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#the fact that i reliably know i can just start daydreaming about some characters or engage with a piece of media and feel driven and stable

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Tumblr podcast fandoms: Man how cool would it be to get a film or tv adaptation of these unique and relatively niche audio-only stories

Netflix: makes an Archive 81 adaptation

Tumblr podcast fandoms: FUCK NO GO BACK

971 notes - Posted January 19, 2022

#4

1,014 notes - Posted October 14, 2022

#3

Anyone else scared that this is gonna be like... yet another example of a poorly thought out, poorly motivated, over-hyped, low-quality sequel? Like... I wanna have faith in Jonny but I've been let down so many times before...

1,703 notes - Posted October 13, 2022

#2

So I've been playing Stray, and watching some YouTubers play it as well, and I think a lot of them are misunderstanding the themes of the game, and what it has to say about human nature. Pretentious rant incoming.

I actually think that this game is a really interesting look at humanity, and a really beautiful subversion of dystopian tropes. One one side of course you do have the classic dystopian mentality, humans are relentless consumers who destroyed the world and left it barren. But the game is saying "the large scale impacts of humans, brought on by the thoughtless greed of the wealthy and powerful and perpetuated by individuals just trying to get through the day", not "human society itself is corrupt and evil". In fact, it goes out of its way to refute this idea, through the robots that carry on our legacy.

Human society is beautiful. It is about love, and creation, and community, and hope. It is about sitting on a stoop playing a song merely for the joy of making music. It's about tending to plants, not for any purpose, but just to see a living thing flourish under your care. It's about lighting colourful bulbs in dark times to keep hope alive. It is about petting a cat, feeling it rub up against your legs and not quite knowing how you could possibly feel such love for something so small.

17,204 notes - Posted July 21, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I like my men how I like my wine: full-bodied and with fruity undertones

20,332 notes - Posted November 14, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[snickerdoodlles]

I have finally learned the real reason why I haven't change my username yet...how else would I know my tumblr year in review.....

(jk)

Anyways, only posting the relevant things;

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@/zeldahime

@/rythyme

@/snow-and-saltea

@/likestoimagine16

@/aethersea

^ this makes me laugh, because Emily should actually be the top 4 spots here 🤣 most of my reblogs are from her, except she sends them to me directly. some friends curate tumblr via your dash, other curate them via DMs

*edit: IM SORRY I THOUGHT I REMOVED THE MENTIONS THE FIRST TIME AROUND

I tagged 7,946 of my posts in 2022

#q* - 5,920 posts ← doesn't count, i do almost everything via queue 🙄

#bad buddy - 634 posts ← LISTEN IKIVE SLOWED DOWN BUT ITS STILL GOING STRONG IN MY HEART 😭😭😭😭😭😭 cannot WAIT for my break, im going to bury myself in blankets for 24hrs and watch only THEM there will be SO many tears

#kinnporsche - 561 posts ← hahahahahahahaha hello new obsession, im not letting you go any time soon ❤

#hey yuu - 471 posts ← HEY YUU ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

#the untamed - 242 posts ← lol

#mdzs - 239 posts ← LOLLLL

#writing woes - 187 posts ← ........hahahahahahahaha

#jeff satur - 160 posts ← i feel exposed

#not me - 130 posts ← i found a bunch of unposted meta for them in my drafts, now im wondering if i should've posted those after all...

#kinnporsche cast - 100 posts ← THEY'RE GOOFS I CAN'T HELP IT

Longest Tag: 124 characters

#👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀 ← i have no idea what this post is for because tumblr says it doesn't exist but i am 90% sure it's a fucking jeff satur post..... he is my favorite menace ❤

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Chay’s living the Wattpad dream life, Pete’s living the manic AO3 dream

210 notes - Posted October 31, 2022

#4

actually one of my favorite little details in ep12 was pat and pran taking graduation pics with uncle tong and junior. not only because their relationship with those two is absolutely delightful and im so glad they kept their connection to these two strangers from the beach that signified two huge shifts in their relationship, but specifically because we don’t see any graduation pictures with the parents

their parents are still fighting. ming hasn’t apologized, dissaya’s still upset. pat and pran cannot be open about their relationship with them. but this doesn’t change pat and pran--they’re going to keep on loving each other and living together. it’s their parents who will miss out on the milestones. so long as they hold onto their grudge, they will only get the filtered parts of their sons’ lives. until they learn to forgive and move forward, they will lose chances to make memories. but pat and pran? they’re still going to be living their lives to the fullest with their own found family until then

324 notes - Posted January 21, 2022

#3

(x) EMERGENCY EMERGENCY IM ABOUT TO FUCKING D I E

351 notes - Posted February 1, 2022

#2

WIꓘ says DON’T DO DRUGS KIDS

- this is an (un)official D.A.R.E. PSA

*Edit: made for from concrete fic

399 notes - Posted November 27, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

it took a kidnapping, an explosion, a confrontation with his brother, his life getting entirely uprooted, AND a bad breakup with his boyfriend to make Chay cry. the second time he cried still took another home ping pong match, another attempted kidnapping, his brother nearly dying, his mother returned from the dead, AND the emotional equivalent of a cannonball in the form of his ex-he’s-maybe-definitely-not-over soulfully wailing why don’t you STAYYYYYY

Kim broke up with the boy he likes then cried over their date polaroids

they are not the same

1,331 notes - Posted August 28, 2022

👆 i should not find these top 5 posts as funny as i do but i really do

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[msilwrites]

(3AM Story) ODD Women Series- Captivated (Short Story)

A/N: Hi guys, another short story here. Based on how I actually "met"(Actually more like how he first caught my eye) Oscar Isaac, and that was from the movie, The Two Faces of January . I was bewitched (haha!) of course. Then I backtracked and saw his role as King John (oh man you'd get pissed at him, which makes him a good villain) and then there were really creepy roles (LOL!). But the opening of "Star Wars", and seeing his face was what got me BEWITCHED, ENTHRALLED, ENCHANT, CAPTIVATED, HOOKED... the list of adjectives goes on! So I am going to use that feeling that I felt, and create a story out of it. I hope you enjoy this one!

I do not have a name for the FL, so for now, it's (y/n)

For now, this is a one-shot, because I don't know if I will get another inspiration or idea or be provided with such to expand this story.

SYNOPSIS: The first time she first laid eyes on him, their eyes met... and she knew she was captivated... and also in trouble.

C A P T I V A T E D

(Y/N) sighed as she looked around her surroundings, waiting for her friends. They promised they'd be back in five minutes from the loo. But it seems that it will take longer than that, especially now that other guests have arrived, crowding the hallways of the Coliseum theatre. Without a doubt, the queue at the toilets will be long.

It was the opening night for the production "The Barber of Seville". Guests dressed to the nines have already entered the hallways of the theatre. Mingling and drinking champagne that was carried in trays by the wait staff.

When the tray passed her, she refused to take a glass, knowing that it was a bad idea to have a bladder full during the first part of the play. Being a frequent audience during her days in the sixth form, she knew and experienced it first hand. She chuckled at the thought, remembering her younger days. However, it also reminded her that the year that followed were dark, and she had lost her love for the simple things, such as this. But now, as she gradually heals, and moves forward, the appreciation for the small things she loved also came back.

Whilst waiting, her eyes wandered around the posters on the wall, reading about the upcoming productions to watch out for. But when she turned to look at another poster, something else caught her eye.

In the crowded sea of people... there he was, a beautiful man, wearing a sharp, dark blue, double-breasted suit, paired with a black turtle neck underneath. Drinking and laughing, amongst his companions. Deep-set eyes, chiselled face, dimples, wavy, salt-pepper hair added to his strong dignified but not imposing aura. He was the epitome of the word, Handsome!

Damn...

She didn't realize that she had been staring at him for a little longer than she should have until their eyes met. She was frozen in place and did not look away, it was as if his gaze was drawing her to him.

He smiled at her and then winked, and then raised his glass of champagne to her, which snapped her out of her trance. He obviously noticed her, but her eyes still couldn't leave him. She was, without a doubt, captivated by this man.

Alarms started ringing in her head. This feeling was nothing new to her. But she knew she'd be in trouble if she were to linger in it further.

With a sigh, she responded with an apologetic smile, before she turned around and left to head in another direction, away from his curious gaze.

-----

As the crowd climbed the stairs of the theatre entrance, (y/n) and the mysterious man's eyes met again from a distance. But this time, she quickly tore her gaze away and looked for her friends and her respective seats. Thankfully, the man was seated all the way to the other side when she checked. However, when she looked over his direction, there he was, still staring at her.

She quickly looked away once more and paid attention to one of her friends complaining that the environment felt cold, whilst the other reprimanded the primary about not bringing a shawl to keep her warm. Her friends were both dressed in cocktail dresses like most women were inside the theatre, no wonder a lot of them started to feel cold.

And speaking of clothes, it made her curious as to why the mysterious man responded to her with such curiosity. She wasn't even wearing anything fancy. In fact, she could feel still his gaze, far from the other side of the theatre.

Whilst the rest of the women were dressed in show-stopping cocktail dresses, her clothes were composed of a midi pencil skirt and a ruffled sleeve top, which could've made her look like a librarian, if not for the statements jewellery, shoes, and other accessories she paired it with. The coordinates were inspired with comfort in mind. As she wanted to be comfortable inside the cold air of the theatre.

So it made her wonder, as to why he looked at her with such interest, despite the fact that she refused to stand out like the rest.

"Perhaps, he's looking for a new target? a new victim? and I looked just like that?" she inferred. It sounded negative and self-deprecating. But this was coming from somewhere. Suspicion and caution weren't anything new to her. She had bad experiences in the past and had been a target of really terrible guys, because of her naive, insecure, past-self. But quickly reminded herself that she is older, and wiser now, so she should know better. And that man... well... she knew she was in trouble.

She immediately let go of such thoughts, when the theatre lights dimmed, as a sign of the play starting soon.

----------

The after-party was held at some posh lounge bar, not far away from the theatre.

Whilst (Y/N) friends' attention was on the casts of the opera, and orchestra, and going far as to mingle with them. She immediately headed to the buffet table, taking a bit of canape here and there, before intending to go to the bar to order herself a drink. However, she stopped in her tracks, when she saw the man across the room once again.

It only took a few seconds, for him to meet her gaze. With a smile, the man excused himself to his friends, got up, buttoned his blazer close, and seemed to be headed in her direction. His intense gaze never tore away from her.

There it was again, alarms were ringing. Once she realized that he was really headed in her direction, she quickly turned around, walking fast, hoping to lose him in the crowd. Which she thankfully did. When she found him whilst hiding in a corner, looking around for her. she takes another direction to the bar, where he won't see her.

-----

The hour passed like a blur, as she listened to her friend's stories, whilst asking the bartender for another drink.

"(Y/N), that gorgeous man... he's looking at you!" Ivy, her friend whispers in her ears, teasing her.

"Huh? No!" she laughs. "He must be looking at one of you" she states, as she takes a sip of her drink, and looks to see who was it. Much to her chagrin, it was the same man whom she had been ogling at.

Their gaze met once more and after that, he excused himself from the conversation he was having with his friends and then headed straight to her direction, his gaze fixed on her, and the crowded room did not deter him.

"Oh my... he's heading here! he's heading here!" her other friend, Isla, repeated excitedly whilst looking at her.

"Well, it's been a long night my friends, I think I'd be heading home now, just call me out to dinner whenever you're free!" (y/n) says, as she got up from the stool, planning to make her escape.

However, before she could even do so, Ivy pulled her back and sat her back down.

"Hey!" (y/n) protested.

"He's coming for you (y/n), it is rude to leave just like that" Ivy teased.

"Yes! (y/n), how can you run away from that!!" Isla chimed in, pointing out how gorgeous the stranger looked.

"Don't be anxious, just be yourself, darling!" Ivy encouraged, squeezing her shoulders.

"Oh come on, he's not coming for me, he's looking at one of you!" was her response, shaking her head at her friends' silliness. However, before she could protest further, the man had already reached them.

"Hi..." was his first greeting to the three of them.

Her friends greeted him with a high pitched "hi" whilst, hers was an octave lower with a suspicious look written on her face.

" There must be something wrong with my eyes—I can’t seem to take them off of you. " was his pick-up line, definitely directed at her. As they had been staring at each other all throughout the night. However, she moved away from his line of sight, which made it look like he was staring at one of her friends.

But her friends pushed her back forward in her seat, and this time, she had no choice but to look straight back at him, unable to look away from those mesmerizing pair of warm brown eyes.

"Well (y/n), he clearly means you, darling!" Ivy winked at her, and Isla mouthed "enjoy!" before they left.

"Wait, you're just leaving me?" she complained, turning in their direction, however. Before she could stand up and catch up to them, the man had sat on the barstool next to her, dashing her hopes of escape.

"Oh... I" she was speechless, especially now that this beautiful man was finally right next to her.

"Hi, how are you?" he asked, as a smile spread across his face. His dimple made him look more adorable.

"I..." this conversation was finally happening. She paused for a while, and then decided to be herself. There was no use pretending to be someone else because it would be tiring. She was no longer the needy, young girl who aimed to please. If this man loses interest in her during the conversation, though it might be painful, then so be it.

"I'm fine... doing well, If I was any better, then vitamins would be taking me. Why do you ask? are you a doctor?" was her witty response. And with that, he threw his head back laughing. Finding it hilarious.

"No, I'm not a doctor... but I do manage a pharma," he said, referring to his posts as the current CEO of a large pharmaceutical.

"I see... so you're a drug dealer then!" she exclaimed.

Another hearty laugh came out of him, "You are amusing!" he lets out. "Yes, I suppose I am." he leans back and looks at her, his eyes and mouth wrinkled as his smile broadens. "Oscar..." he stretches his hand out for a handshake.

A/N: I will be doing some correction just in case I’ve made some errors (which I definitely did!) I’m really sorry if I’ve not written in a while. There was too much in my plate and my health problem. I’m trying my best to let out all this creative constipation, so I’m slowly writing out and publishing my drafts. I hope you enjoyed this short one. As mentioned I do not know when I will get an idea to make a sequel out of it so I’ll leave it a “one-shot”.

[adultswim2021]

The Drinky Crow Show #8: “Elephant Man” | January 5, 2009 - 12:15AM | S01E07

This is one of the few episodes of Drinky Crow that I remember watching on television. I liked this one fine, but I didn’t really have a dramatically different take on it this time around. You know, the kind of dramatically different take that might, MIGHT, make a crapped-out write-up on a bad blog really sparkle.

Drinky calls the suicide hotline and makes a friend in the Elpehant Man, who works the Suicide Hotline. Drinky seduces Elephant Man to his suicidal worldview, and the two start hanging out without Gabby doing “suicide stuff”. Gabby steals the Elephant Man away out of jealousy and uses him to get pussy. Elephant Man now has a boost in confidence, which makes him decide to get “the surgery”. I mean, plastic surgery, to make him look pretty.

Turns out Drinky, without Gabby, has turned his life around to such a degree that he’s the surgeon. Gabby begs him to throw the surgery, which is being viewed by an audience. After a difficulty arrises, Gabby encourages Drinky to fall off the wagon, and tosses him a bottle of hooch as if it’s Popeye’s spinach. Gabby acts as his nurse even, while triumphant music plays. The pair walk away, pleased with the miracle they just worked. The episode ends with the grim reveal that they just mangled his body into pieces and that the Elephant Man is now dead.

Despite having seen this before, it does move in a surprising way. This show performs absurdist plots pretty well, and it’s well documented that that’s the “sort of stuff I like”. I think I laughed once out loud, which is pretty good all things considered. Okay, jokes I liked: 

Both Gabby and Elephant Man’s utterances of “I thought you said this guy was fun” (when Elephant Man tells Gabby he doesn’t drink and when Gabby tells Elephant Man he’s not suicidal, respectively). 

Drinky at an opium den but at the end of his hookah is just a bottle of liquor.

The reveal that Drinky is a surgeon is funny, but it’s explained by the fact that he’s been away from Gabby’s no-good influence. I preferred the initial impact of the joke, where I thought Drinky was just casually revealing that he’s been a surgeon this whole time.

There is a small part of the episode where it's revealed that Elephant Man has a hot mom who it's implied she's in an inappropriate sexual relationship with. I left this out of my write-up, because the only thing I thought during this reveal was "lucky!" and I would rather not unpack that.

EPHEMERA CORNER:

Frisky Dingo - Season Two DVD (January 6, 2009)

Frisky Dingo Season Two came out, which is nice, because it’s better than season one. This release was fairly bare, except for the inclusion of a promo for the DVD release itself and an EXCLUSIVE SHORT (which you can find on youtube) that bridges the gap between Frisky Dingo and the then-thought-to-be-upcoming Xtacles series. What actually happened is the two episodes of Xtacles aired as a special, and then later this came out.

The DVD was likely produced to come out before The Xtacles, back when the plan was to actually make a full season. It seems like a shameful missed opportunity that the two Xtacles shorts couldn’t have found a home on this volume. I just want some decent-looking copies of them online.

MAIL BAG: 

Been sick. Managed to build up a queue to keep Space Ghost Week going through the holidays. Didn’t foresee myself getting sick immediately after Thanksgiving was over. Don’t know how it happened. Nobody else I spent time with got sick. I even threw up a whole bunch one night. That sucks! You’re not supposed to puke! You’re not supposed to be sick at all. Not covid. Got to take two days off work. Luckily I'm all better, and get to go to work now, a place where I physically can't watch movies all day. What fun!

i can think of one joke you cribbed from kids in the hall, if i remember scott thompson is in a bear costume when he says it

Spiritually I’m more quoting the other guy in the sketch–HEY WAIT

ugh joey fatone. awful.

His voice is even bad. He just seems like a guy who doesn’t understand how sweaty he is, and he keeps trying to sit next to you and he even puts his head in your lap at one point. Joey Fatone... HANG UP THE STUFF.

[wah-pah]

I posted 3,241 times in 2022

That's 1,667 more posts than 2021!

189 posts created (6%)

3,052 posts reblogged (94%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@otherpens

@the1920sinpictures

@theladyintweed

@misscrawfords

@waxedpaperdoor

I tagged 3,092 of my posts in 2022

Only 5% of my posts had no tags

#vintage - 393 posts

#scheduled post - 377 posts

#fashion - 333 posts

#art - 331 posts

#queue - 168 posts

#personal - 160 posts

#f a c e s - 140 posts

#miss fisher's murder mysteries - 125 posts

#eurovision - 124 posts

#jewellery - 105 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#it has been long since i've posted the chapter where these characters are featured but i hadn't done this yet and i always have to pester yo

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Sorry for the balad.

4 notes - Posted May 10, 2022

#4

Hello, hello.

How do you do?

I wish I could say I have been away due to some extraordinary adventures but it's due to work, sleep, work, watching some shows, and feeling bleh instead.

It's nice to be back even if only for a little while.

4 notes - Posted August 2, 2022

#3

No offense to the actual contestants, but Iceland should bring ‘Ja Ja Ding Dong’.

5 notes - Posted May 10, 2022

#2

UPDATE - Chapter 13 (This is not a drill)

Once again, seasons and seasons have gone by between chapters but here’s the new one at last.

Be ready to meet Hugo, Phryne’s first love. 

I know it’s another OC but I hope you like him and this chapter. I want to believe it sheds some light in another facet of Phryne’s life in England before she returned to Australia.

The ao3 link.

The fanfiction.net link.

Thank you so much for reading. Your support and feedback are always appreciated, especially when this fic has been taking so much time to see the light of day. You’re the best.

5 notes - Posted September 30, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

In other news, damn you, Julian Fellowes.

It’s only one episode in, even the shots recall Downton, and I’ll probably scream at the screen eventually, but you got me again.

I has having a hard time engaging with ‘The Gilded Age’ in the begining but at the end of the episode I was all «M O R E».

5 notes thested January 26, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[sysig]

February? Time to watch Halloween episodes from three years ago

[spiltscribbles]

Miss you and your marvelous writing!!!! Just a prompt if you’re up to it 😊 exes wolfstar staying friends but sirius gets into a new relationship and he brings his new boo to somewhere he took remus and remus gets sad 😭 but they get back together eventually

Notes: OMFG BABEY! this is so SO beyond precious of you! i adore you to bits! thank you for the sweetness and for this scrumptious angst🥺🥺 i really hope you like it😭😘😘💜

.-

SEND ME A PROMPT  |  A Reblog means SO SO much! I ADORE YOU💜💜

.-

“He can just be so… So” James pauses right then, takes off his cap with the hand that’s still clutching his baseball bat, and ruffles his hair with the other.

“Un-opinionated,” Remus offers half heartedly as they turn the block to the small coffee shop nearest school, both of them freshly showered after the required morning workouts for Tuesday and Thursdays. It’s the first semester in which Remus has actually joined in on the seven minute track, considering the fact that even despite their crazy contradictory schedules with all the sports and extra curriculars they each had, Sirius always made it a point to buy their ice coffees and drop it off to Remus, sometimes leaving them a quarter of an hour late for first period, or as just a quick drop and dash if one of them had an exam. 

It was sweet, considerate. It was Sirius showing how much he cared because he’s never been one for words, even if he would frequently print off the little texts Remus would send him about how Sirius made him feel, and hang it up on the wall besides his bed, along with photos of them and Remus by himself and a few of their other friends too.

But yeah… None of that is really a thing anymore, not the coffees or the texts or the promises of being one another’s always. Not after calling it quits in early January because they knew by August they’d be working with thousands of miles between them and a three hour difference on top of that. It just wouldn’t have been feasible in the long run, and sure— Remus was the one to broach the topic and he knows that Sirius was hesitant about the logical side of it, but sometimes Remus wishes Sirius had fought harder, had argued louder, had wanted Remus more. But that’s a ridiculous expectation, and he had only admitted as much to Lily. And at the end of the day, it was the right choice, because it’s only early May now, and Remus can’t imagine how sick he’ll feel once catching his flight to Berkeley, and they’re steadfastly back in the best friends category of things. He can’t fathom how it would’ve been if they spent all these months and the ones after being together in all those intimate ways, knowing that they’ll be so far apart soon enough.

It was the right decision for the both of them and their friendship.

“Yeah, sure. Let’s go with that,” James says, bringing Remus out of his gloomy contemplations while opening the glass door to Three Broomsticks, sporting a thin smile that he always has on when he’s trying to be kind even when he’s irritated as all get out. 

Remus snorts at him, elbow checking his side as he walks past. “Well he’s sharing that dorm with you and Sirius in New Haven, so I guess you’ve got that to look forwards to.”

James’s face pulls into a grimace and their typical barista nods their way, already receiving their orders through the app and sparing them having to wait in the queue. “Maybe Pete’ll grow his own personality in university, yeah?”

“Sure Prongsie,” Remus says, noncommittal as he checks his phone and lies against the windowpane, already exhausted by the morning. “And if he doesn’t, I’m sure Sirius is about to blow his lid any day now.”

“It’s going to be funny as fuck, and you won’t even be there to see the debris,” James counters, sounding pleasant enough even though Remus knows that he’s nearly as pissed off as Sirius is about the decision for him to go back to his home state for undergrad. 

“You’ll send pictures though.”

“Of course Moony my old friend,” James jokes, tossing him a wink as they straighten once spotting their coffees being rung up. But as Remus takes a step forwards, he notices that a familiarly tan pair of hands are reaching for them, and when Remus looks up he feels like an idiot for not noticing him sooner. Because there Sirius is, dashing as ever in their school’s maroon blazer and tan pants, and his hair is windblown and shining as it falls midway of the nape of his neck. But Remus doesn’t really have the chance to appreciate just how damn good looking his ex-boyfriend is, rather, he’s more distracted by how Sirius doesn’t even notice him or James as he pivots around and hands over the second cup to a beaming Gideon Prewett. Their heads incline while they exchange a few words that are absolutely impossible to pick up in the crowded cafe before they bump their shoulders together and walk out the opposite door.

And it feels like nothing else watching that exchange— like their was a hammer and pick chipping away at his stupid, weeping heart.

“I think they’re just doing a project together,” James says lowly in Remus’s ear, clapping him on the back in reassurance, and Remus loves him, but he’s not in the mood for false platitudes, feels like there is a ugly, burning fire festering deep in his stomach and making Remus want to hurl all over the wooden floors.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” he replies instead, mild as he discretely picks up his phone again and opens up to the last conversation he had this morning.

R: need intel 

L: Say more sexy things to me, lover 

R: sirius and Gideon

R: what’s going on there

L: I’ll take a look, dw

Buoyed by Lily’s scary levels of detective skills, Remus returns his phone to his satchel and signals James to follow him to pick up their actual drinks. “C’mon, Flitwick hates it when we’re late.”

.-

“Do you want the good news first, or the bad.” Lily asks Remus later that morning during their shared free period, dropping her bag on the tabletop that they typically commandeer towards the back of Hogwarts’s library, nearest the windows and tucked away by the shelves.

“Is there actually any good news? Or are you just saying that to make me feel better.” Remus asks, single brow cocked as he shuts his history book and tosses it to the side.

“Well your hair looks especially nice today,” she offers with a small smile, sitting besides him and ruffling his curls.

“Thanks, I suppose. But I’d rather just get to it. And don’t sigh at me like that! All long suffering and all.”

Rolling her eyes, Lily gathers her hair into a high pony before turning to Remus fully. “You’re my best friend, I love you more than just about anyone. You know that, right?” Lily asks him, stiff stance relaxing when he nods in turn. “Then understand that I’m saying this from a place of love, but you don’t get to be mad at him, okay. You’re the one who called it off Re, you’re the one who wanted you guys to go back to being friends to avoid that messiness in August. And you know I respect the decision, but also it wasn’t the only one to be had. I mean look at James and I—“

“You’re going to Columbia Lils,” Remus bristles, hates how defensive he’s getting all of a sudden. “That train ride is like two hours and some change at the very most. It’s not the same.”

“You guys could’ve made it work,” she insists, green eyes blazing in the dim light. “He’s crazy about you, and you’re in love with him— Like ass backwards in love. You can’t just cut that off like it’s nothing, damn it, Remus.”

He can feel his own ears reddening and Remus hates it, hates how today had started off so innocuous and now it’s an absolute shit show. Remus hates that Lily is always correct about everything, and hates how Sirius probably is regretting telling Remus he still fully intends to ask him out to prom, and hates how much he loves him— how whenever he looks at Sirius it’s just a deluge of wanting and adoring and regretting and needing to feel his lips against Sirius’s own again like a drug, how he’ll never forget how he tasted like coffee beans and cigarette smoke and the strawberries he ate every morning besides his breakfast. Remus hates it all and he can’t figure out how not to feel like suddenly everything is slipping out of his hands like sand drifting through his fingers.

“He’s probably not that crazy over me anymore considering he’s getting Gideon Prewett coffees now, so maybe it’s the right decision after all.” Is what Remus decides to tell Lily instead of that whirlwind of clashing feelings.

“Oh Christ,” Lily huffs, dropping her head back like she’s asking for strength from the heavens above. “Look, Dorcas tells me that they’ve only been out twice. And Marlene says that it’s nothing intense. Just a movie and then he went to go watch his nephew’s little league game.”

“Oh,” Remus intones, because, no. No he will not start crying like this is some fucking Nicholas Sparks novel, and he’s the wayward lead making all the worst decisions. He’s not going to cry damn it!

He is not a bird, and this is suppose to be happening, and none of this has any real consequence at the end of the day. He and Sirius broke up, and Sirius can go out with whoever he pleases— even if it’s good looking, ginger athletes.

Remus is fine.

“Remus,” Lily gently consoles, lacing her fingers into his own that’s resting on his lap, and squeezing for good measure. “Benjy told Mary, who told me during Calc that Gideon doesn’t expect anything. Sirius told him he’s not looking for anything long term.”

“That’s dumb,” Remus retorts, trying to hold everything in so that Lily doesn’t give him that concerned, doe eyed face of hers, like when he’s spent a week living off of protein bars and double shot espressos preparing for finals. “Gideon’s great, and there on the soccer team together, they would be perfect.”

“Remus, stop.”

“And he’s going to Dartmouth, so he’ll be super close for like weekend excursions and all of that.”

“Remus!”

“The more I think about it, Lils, the more it makes sense. They just fit.”

“Sure, those are all nice attributes,” Lily says, peering up at him disappointedly. “But he’s not you.”

Like a legion of angels singing in the distance, the bell begins to shrill for next period and Remus is spared from giving that statement any mind.

.-

He spends the rest of the week acting as if he hadn’t even seen Sirius that morning whenever around him, and internally analyzing each and every exchange between them, and comparing to them to when he sees Sirius chatting with Gideon. And it’s not fun to say the least. It’s like a flashback to when he was trying to hide his crush on Sirius back in Freshman and most of sophomore year, but somehow worse. It’s worse because Remus had him, had Sirius in all the ways someone could ever want an other. He had Sirius’s languid morning kisses, and Sirius’s bark like laughter. Remus had Sirius being nervous the first time Lyall came for his typical Christmas visit, and Sirius had to try and impress him along with Remus’s mom as more than just the friend he hung around with at school. Remus had Sirius’s gruff voice when they were in bed and getting tangled into one another, and Sirius’s dopey looks in the middle of class when he’d be gazing over at Remus instead of the board. And if Remus is being honest, he knows he still has all those things, but it’s suddenly and searingly clear that some time— sooner rather than later— they’ll all leave, abruptly disappearing and shattering Remus’s world in their wake. Because eventually all of those different facets of Sirius’s won’t be Remus’s anymore— they’ll be Gideon’s or some other boy he meets in New Haven. And Remus can’t even be upset at it, he doesn’t have a claim to any of Sirius anymore, doesn’t get to call any part of him his.

And it’s probably the worst Remus has felt since that first night after their break up, because he’s eating every moment he has with Sirius like he’s famished and Sirius is the last meal he’ll ever know. He wants to memorize every part of him before he can’t have any of it. He wants to unravel every layer of Sirius, and kiss it for the final time, and it’s like saying goodbye a thousand times over, strangling his heart and splintering something desperate deep inside of him.

Like now.

It’s edging on midnight, and they drove up to the lake front near their suburb, with Sirius lying with his head on Remus’s lap and his long, muscled body lying against the tattered blanket beneath them. And his eyes are fluttered shut while the speaker they brought croons out the indie playlist they like most from Spotify.

And Remus can’t help but feel like this is one of their last nights like this, alone and quiet and together without any other specter of some other partner. So he watches him, watches the moonlight pacing over his nose and the high bones of his cheeks and across Sirius’s eyelids too. Remus watches his ink  like lashes kissing his skin, and wants to touch the divot of his cupids bow like so many times before while his other hand cards through Sirius’s hair. 

And Remus lets himself want Sirius and wonders if he’ll ever stop wanting, craving, loving him.

“I can hear you thinking Moons,” Sirius says, fluttering his eyes open and crunching up before Remus can even respond. “What’s going on?”

“Huh? What do you mean? I’m fine.” Remus all but sputters, folding his knees against his chest and wrapping his arms around them, feeling somehow vulnerable in blistering ways. “Nothing is going on.”

“Pff,” Sirius gives him a pointed look, settles down so that they’re side by side and tries to get Remus to look at him head on. “You’ve been strange all week, Moony.” 

“That’s not—“

“And then tonight, you didn’t even tease your ma when she was telling us about that patient who puked all over her shoes.”

“Just tired is all.”

“But had enough energy to smoke half the joint I brought.” Sirius says with a snort, looking frustrated again when Remus didn’t even flinch a smile at the counter. “Remus, talk to me.”

“It’s fine Sirius,” Remus sighs, suddenly remembers how exhausting all their arguments were in the past. How Sirius tries getting him to speak everything in his mind, as if Remus could even put them into words. 

“Okay, then tell me why you rejected my offer to go to that Frank Ocean concert. You’re obsessed with him.”

“’S in July,” Remus reminds him lightly, focusses on the way they can see the North star glimmering against the horizon instead.

“And, so?” Sirius asks, sounding more than a bit scathing. “You’re not leaving for another month after that, you trying to cut me off completely by the summer or something?”

“Don’t be an idiot.”

“Don’t be condescending.”

“Sirius, just leave well enough alone. Holy shit.”

“I can leave it alone if you can actually tell me what the fuck is going on with you,” Sirius snaps, standing up now, probably because he always likes using his height advantage on most people whenever he gets all pissy.

“You can be such a prick sometimes, you know that?” Remus snarls at him, following suit and dipping his head back just slightly so that they’re eye to eye. “Not everything is on your schedule, you know that.”

“My schedule!” Sirius’s brows jump to his hairline, and he breaks into that manic laughter that springs up only when he’s so angry he can’t put his thoughts together. “I’m trying to do as much shit with you as possible before you leave, because for some stupid fucking reason I’m going to miss you when your across the fucking country! But yeah, whatever. If you’re actually just sick of me and my presence or what the fuck else, you can just—“

“I would’ve assumed you wanted to go with Gideon,” Remus blurts out, simply unable to hold it back any more, unable to pretend like he’s not suffering a thousand fresh paper cuts every time he even glances Sirius’s way these days. He can’t do this, can’t pretend to just be friends when they were— when they are— so much more than that. “To the concert I mean. I just assumed—“

“No,” Sirius says, seething as he storms up to Remus— close enough that the tips of their noses brush up against each other. 

“No? Excuse me?”

“No Remus you don’t get to do this!” Sirius repeats, voice going frayed at the edges as their glances level. “You don’t get to pretend as if I want anyone more than I want— than I’ve always wanted you. And you don’t get to float around for the rest of your life pretending as if this’ll ever change for me. As if you can’t hit me up in fifteen years when I’m married with kids, and ask to get back together, and think  that I wouldn’t drop it all for you.”

Remus’s heart begins to thud, loud and painful against his ribcage, and his lungs feel like they might collapse the instant Remus let’s the tears swimming in his eyes sprinkle out. “Sirius, I ca—“

“I’ve been in love with you since before we were suppose to mean what that meant, damn it, Remus! And you’re the one who called it off!”

“It was the right decision.” Remus croaks out, plunging his hands into his hoodie’s pockets, doesn’t want Sirius to see the way they’re shaking.

“”For you. The right decision for you.” Sirius presses, his gray eyes dark underneath the stars. “And you know I’d do anything you wanted of me, but you don’t get to be mad at the ways I cope. And you sure as fuck don’t get to be jealous of fucking Gideon Prewett, as if he can hold a match to you.”

“Oh.” Is all Remus can gather to say, peering back down at his shoes and pressing together his lips, feels the most lost he ever has while around Sirius. “I love you too, you know that. You know I love you so much that it hurts sometimes— That was never the problem.”

Sirius makes a strangled sound deep in his throat, and the next second, Remus can’t feel the warmth of his body besides him because Sirius is darting over to the cusp of the lake and kicking at a rock. “Fuck, Remus. You can’t just say that, all right! You can’t because none of this is fair, or okay. And I fucking hate it and I hate this and—“

“Maybe we can try,” Remus says, quiet but unshaken. And he watches as Sirius slowly turns back around, face scrunched up in utter confusion, but eyes glittering with something like hope. “I love you Sirius, and you love me. And Lily’s right, fucking hell she’s so right. I can’t just turn it off, okay. I’ve tried and I’ve tried, but I can’t. I can’t be around you and not want every part of you. But I also can’t let myself stay away from you. So let’s try, and it’s probably a stupid difficult decision, and we’re going to be frustrated and we’re going to miss one another but I know there’s going to be no one I want more and I think you migh— Oof.”

Remus can’t continue rattling off any of the reasons why they should get back together, because Sirius is somehow magically popping up in front of him— his large hands cupping against Remus’s jawline and his thin lips crashing against him, and Remus can only wrap his arms around Sirius’s torso and give him back all he’s pushing forwards.

And it might’ve been a minute or an hour that past, but Sirius is pulling back with a face that looks lighter in ways Remus hasn’t seen on him since the breakup all those months ago. “I’d literally agree to anything if it means we can stay together, Moony. Absolutely anything.”

Remus feels the strain against the apples of his cheeks as he beams at him at the sound of the oath. “Yeah, me too Padfoot. Always and forever, it’s you.”

.-

My Other Wolfstar FIC💜

[randomestfandoms-ocs]

New Year, New Milestone Giveaway

Hey guys!!!!  I seriously can’t believe that I hit 900 followers (holy shit, thank you all so much!!!!!!), it feels like just yesterday that I was sitting in my grandma’s apartment watching Jeopardy and seeing that I’d gotten 500.  I appreciate you all so very very much, thank you all for putting up with all of my nonsense!

I’d been thinking of doing a New Year’s giveaway before realizing how close I was to 900 followers, so I decided to instead combine them! 

When I start posting them, the tag will be #new year new milestone and #randomestgiveaway (will be used for any and all giveaways) so if you don’t want to see them, those are the tags to blacklist.  I will try to start posting gifts as soon as possible, but I can’t make any promises

See previous giveaway gifts here 
 Rules and details are below the cut — make sure to read them as I will be deleting any/all submissions that ignore or break them!

Giveaway Tag: @bravelittleflower @mystic-scripture @ofbadcharacters @kendelias @notxjustxstories @perfectlystiles @guardiansofheroes @foxesandmagic @the-october-reviewer @ocappreciationtag — want to be added? let me know!

Details:


For this particular giveaway, you’ll get to submit your own ocs and someone else’s!  Crossovers will also be available if you want!

You need to submit a minimum of three ocs (maximum of five) and I’ll make something for whichever one inspires me the most!

I won’t be taking specific style requests, I’ll be making whatever inspires me!

Deadline to apply is January 7th

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Any submissions that ignore/break the rules will be deleted — if you have any questions/comments/concerns, feel free to shoot me a message or an ask!

Must be following me and must reblog this post (if you queue it that’s fine, but I won’t post the gift until the reblog is up)

You must submit 3-5 of your own ocs and 3-5 of someone else’s ocs!  It’s preferred if they all belong to the same person, but it’s fine if they aren’t!

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I reserve the right to refuse any requests

The codeword is 2022 (to prove that you actually read the rules!)

Deadline to apply is January 7th

Regarding Crossovers

If you choose a crossover, please don’t just say “whoever you want” for my oc – if you aren’t sure which of my ocs to put, please message me or send me an ask before submitting so that we can brainstorm!  My list of crossover limits is here

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Fill out the form here

[midnightswithdearkatytspb]

Can I Have This Dance? (Steve Rogers x Reader)

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Rating: PG - Fluffy 

Word Count: 2,689

Synopsis: 4 times the reader asked Steve to dance with her and one time Steve her.

Info: Written for @cockslut-padalecki​’s Not My Ninth Challenge in celebration of 9k followers! Also Happy Belated birthday, I hope you had a great one. I choose, How Do I Live by LeAnn Rimes and Wedding Ceremony. The dividers are by @firefly-graphics​ 💘 I’m posting this on my barley working laptop, so forgive me. Also all mistakes are mine as this is not beta read.

1st Time:

Honestly what possessed her to wear her favorite white denim overall shorts to Sam’s barbecue? They were now stained with all all kinds of food and handprints from the children of the Avengers children asking to be held by her. Admittedly seeing everyone so happy and spending the afternoon with her fiancé made it worth it. Also Natasha would probably be able to show her how to get the stains out.

“Want to queue up the next song?” Sam nudged her handing over his phone that was connected to speakers. Giddily Y/N took the phone and went through the approved barbecue playlist as Killer Queen started to play, she continued to scroll as her head bopped to the song. Finding the perfect one she handed the phone over to Sam’s significant other Lou who kissed her on the cheek. 

Bucky and Steve were sharing a phone screen laughing at whatever video it was they were watching, probably one of Alpine that Bucky had taken. Getting up from her chair Y/N stood beside Steve’s and brushed her right hand across his broad shoulders, goosebumps started to rise on his skin as she leaned in to brush her lips beside his ear. 

“Come dance with me, Stevie please?" the blonde's face blushed as his fiance turned away from him making her way back towards the dancing couples. “Punk if you don't I sure as hell will.” Steve turned to give his best friend a glare just as the baritone voice sang out, jumping to his feet.

“I had a thought, dear, however scary, about that night, the bugs and the dirt. Why were you digging? What did you bury? Before those hands pulled me from the earth.” Steve rushed to Y/N’s side, a small smile on her face her fiance placed his face at her time taking in the scent of lavender and mint, while his hands rested at her hips. Y/N’s arms circled his neck interlocking her hands, eyes closing she placed her heads against his chest over his heart. As Hozier sang the couple just swayed from side to side, loving each other.

“I could not ask you where you came from. I could not ask and neither could you. Honey, just put your sweet lips on my lips, we could just kiss like real people do.” As the song came to an end Steve and Y/N’s eyes met, she was biting her lip, a look of worry was in her eyes. 

“What?” Looking placed his hands on Y/N’s face doing everything he could to ease the worry in his fiancés face. 

“Just, how would I live without you?” Steve scoffed and pulled Y/N into his arms, hugging her close, “You’ll never have to live without me, I’m going anywhere. I love you.”

2nd Time:

“Well son her mother would have loved you and I’m so proud to have you joining our family.” Andy clapped his daughters fiancé on the shoulder, before looking out on the dance floor to see all four of his children dancing together to the Macarena having a good time. 

“I’m lucky to have her Andy and I love both her and this family.” Steve assured Y/N’s father how much he loved her as the song came to an end. The DJ for the reception started to walk towards Y/N’s  sister and her husband. 

Y/N stood between her brothers playfully nudging each other like they used to do as kids. Suddenly it was quiet in the reception hall, both her and Steve were looking at Y/N’s sister and her husband who smiled at everyone, but they were staring at Y/N. 

“I need my sister Y/N and her fiancé Steve to come up here for a second.” Y/N’s brothers pushed her forward, suddenly glad she had exchanged her heels for converse 4 or 5 songs back. Steve and she met halfway there, hands grasping at each other as their fingers intertwined. The blonde leaned over and kissed the crown of his fiancé's face making her blush as they reached Legacie and Michael. 

“This weekend was actually supposed to be the weekend that Y/N and Steve got married, but 6 months ago I came to my sister and told her I was pregnant. Y/N knew Michael and I would want to move our wedding up, Y/N and Steve immediately asked if I would like to take their wedding and for that we are so thankful. The thing about my sister is she is just like our mom, always giving and so loving, it makes so much sense why Steve fell in love with my little sister. I got to thinking a way to thank you and that is dedicating a song to you, your favorite song as a kid.” Legacie passed the microphone back to the DJ, before she reached over kissing her little on the cheek. Y/N looked at her sister before her jaw dropped and her cheeks turned pink as the keyboard of the popular ’90s Australian pop singer hit started to play. 

“I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish. I'll be your fantasy, I'll be your hope, I'll be your love. Be everything that you need.” Y/N still holding onto Steve’s hand turned to stand in front of him and looked up at him. 

“Will you dance with my love?” with a smile on his face, Steve didn't even verbalize his answer, he just gave a tug of her hand pulling her body closer to his, as other couples joined them on the dance floor.

“I wanna stand with you on a mountain. I wanna bathe with you in the sea. I wanna lay like this forever. Until the sky falls down on me. I wanna stand with you on a mountain. I wanna bathe with you in the sea.I want to live like this forever. Until the sky falls down on me.” As they continued to dance among Legacie and Michale's family and friends, he tried to imagine how he would live without her in his life. He had an answer before the song was even over he knew a life without Y/N was no life at all. 

3rd Time:

She was trying really hard not to cry but it felt but it was 3:12 in the morning, it was raining, it looked like Bucky had finished off the rest of her Ben and Jerry Star Spangled Berry Swirl, and Friday was playing her I got the blues playlist. Boy did she have the blues, she shouldn’t though, it was November, the holiday season was in full swing, but it was as if her heart wasn’t in it. 

Then the piano kicked in and the tears really started. 

“Look into my eyes, you will see what you mean to me.”

Steve down the hall in bed they shared hearing sniffles of his fiancé, got out of bed, grabbing her cardigan from ottoman at the foot of the bed. Y/N stood at the kitchen island sipping a cup of hot tea as Bryan Adams sang. 

“Darling?” Steve came up behind her and placed the over side article of clothing over shoulder, kissing her temple. Setting the steaming cup of lavender and blueberries down, Y/N turned around to look him in the eyes, with tears still coming down. 

“Dance with me Stevie, please?” with a little lift of the right side of his lips. Steve pulled Y/N to him, placing her head over his heartbeat, he encased her his arms and started to sway them. 

“Don't tell me, it’s not worth fightin' for. I can't help it, there’s  nothin' I want more. You know it's true, everything I do, I do it for you.”

“I can’t live without you Stevie.” Y/N whispered into the night as she looked out at the rain coming down in the night. 

“And you won't have to," Steve promised. 

4th Time:

It was finally the New Year, 12:01 on January 1st to be exact and everyone was partying at The Metropolitan Museum of Art, thanks to Pepper and Tony. Peter Quill and his friends had made it, Thor with Jane, Carol Danver, Monica Rambeau with her friends Jimmy Woo and Darcy, Fantastic Four, Peter Parker had brought his best friend Ned and girl friend MJ, all the Avengers were there, even the Wakanda gang was accounted for, the place was packed. It seemed as if the bad guys were in need of a day off. 

Steve stood a few feet away from Y/N who was dancing with Natasha, Clint, Shuri, Peter, MJ, Wanda, Scott, Johnny, Groot, Darcy, Sam, Lou, and Jimmy Woo, they were all dancing to thank u, next, laughing and having a good time. Lou was currently on Sam's shoulders making the Bucky who was beside Steve, hoot’d, as he took a shot from the Asgardian mead. It was great for Steve to see all his friends and family to be letting loose. 

Y/N walked over as the song came to a closure and pulled Steve in for a kiss earning a cheer from the group they had surrounded themselves with. Blushing they pulled apart as the familiar violin started to play across the room, making the room erupt cheers yet again. Tonight’s crowd was easily pleased, who knew all it took was alcohol, food, friends, and good music? 

As the drum kicked in, Y/N’s head started to bop her foot tapping along, grabbing Steve’s hand she started to pull him towards the group, grabbing Bucky’s hand along the way. 

“Steve can I have this dance?” Looking over her shoulder as she got ready to start jumping up and down, Steve looked at her as if he had to think on it, but stopped when Bucky hit him in the bicep. “Not with the metal arm, and yes!”

“Come on Eileen! Oh, I swear, what he means. At this moment you mean everything, you in that dress. My thoughts I confess, verge on dirty. Oh, come on Eileen.” The group's form of dancing was jumping up and dancing, moving their heads side to side, throwing in mixed moves, like the sprinkler or epaule here and there. It was just about letting go. Steve and Y/N danced together with the fingers of their left-right hands interlaced jumping up and down, throwing their heads back and forth like they were at a rock concert. 

As Bucky danced with his best friend and the girl that had become like a sister to him, he couldn't picture their lives without one another. There was no Steve without Y/N in it, no Y/N without Steve. They were so madly, deeply in love, that to lose the other it would be close to losing themselves. He vowed at that moment to do whatever it took to always bring Steve home and to always protect Y/N for him. 

The 1 Time Steve Asked Y/N to Dance:

“This is the best birthday gift I could ever ask for!” Bucky raised his glass of bourbon to the crowded room, before he leaned down to place a kiss on Y/N’s cheek. He had just given his best man speech congratulating his best friend on finding his soulmate who made him happy, and on his retirement. Lou leaned forward putting their arms around Y/N’s shoulders swaying, making the bride laugh as the best friends hugged. 

Steve took the microphone from Sam and pulled Y/N away from her best friend, confused she looked up at him. The room was silent with all eyes on them, as it had been since the moment she stepped out onto the wooden boardwalk Pepper’s people had built leading to the dock, everyone’s eyes had been on them. 

“Through this whole wedding process my wife has been so incredibly patient with me. Originally I just said whatever you want Y/N it’s your day, but she would scrunch her face up, for her family they know what I’m talking about, the one where she doesn’t like something or doesn’t understand, anyways. Lou, Y/N’s best friend and the perfect person for Sam came to me said,

“Rogers for a superhero, you are pretty dense, the wedding day is both your big day. This is a day you both are going to look back on, tell your children about and share with your family and friends. Don’t make her plan it and make all the choices on her own.” Steve looked down at Y/N and smiled, as his wife laughed and gave her best friends hand a tight squeeze before letting it go. 

“So I did what I could, your napkins I chose, thank you very much, your centerpieces though, you are going to have to take that up with the my beautiful wife’s cousin, Willow, she handmaid these beautiful pieces for us, so we could reuse them in our winery and barn.” Willow blew the couple a kiss making the crowd laugh as Y/N caught it and stumbled back, before throwing one back just as extravagantly. 

“Anyways the reason I’m up here is because I really didn’t do that much, but I made a promise to my wife that I, the man out of time, could pick the song we dance to as a married couple.” Turning his body so now the newlyweds were now facing each other, Sam took the microphone holding it up to Steve's mouth, as Steve held both Y/N’s hands in his.

“Steve we’ve talked about this you’re right where you need to be.” Steve just nodded his head and kissed her on the lips getting a few people in the crowd cheering. Bucky, Sam, Lou, and Y/N’s siblings are motioned for the crowd to quiet down. 

“I admit I waited till last night to e-mail our DJ Ned and tell him our song. But to be fair if it hadn’t been for a talk I had while sleeping at Sam’s and him playing this song we probably would just have some random song. Thank you Sam for saving the day.” Sam pulled the microphone telling the couple it was no problem really. 

“With that all said and done, Mrs. Rogers can I have this dance?” Laughing Y/N nodded as they made their way around the tables holding hands waving to their family and friends. Ned Leeds, was the nights DJ, thanks to coming recommended by his friend Peter Parker, this was his hobby by a means to pay for college and his growing obsession of Star Wars Legos. As soon as the couple had made it to the center of the faux hardwood dance floor, he hit play.

“How do I get through one night without you? If I had to live without you, what kind of life would that be?”

Y/N let a gasp slip past her lips as the familiar country song played. Her arms held onto Steve’s shoulders, while he held onto her hips, they did their usual sway, there was no need for fancy footing or putting on a show. This was just them being them, in love, sharing that love with a room full of their closest family friends. 

“I promised you, you wouldn’t have to know what it was like to live without me, and you won’t either of you.” Y/N looked up at him placing a kiss on his soft lips, letting a few tears of happiness slip. This is what contentment felt like, to feel whole, be loved, and find that perfect person. 

“How do I live without you? How do I live without you, baby? How do I live?”

[geekygoddesss]

You

Summary: After Tom breaks the longest relationship he’s ever had, both of them seem to handle the breakup in a completely different way. 

Words: 12k

A/N: first part of a serie!

“You” chapter list

January 4th, 2020 - The night 

For some reason tonight Tom couldn’t keep his hands still. It was the first time in years were he was actually nervous, he didn’t like that at all. 

He has gone down a couple of drinks already, the night was still young, but time was running so slow he was starting to feel this exact moment in his life would life forever, and he was starting to grow anxious as never before. 

When he turned his head to the right, the only thing he could see were the blinding lights going all around the room, accompanied by the loud music and gigantic crowd that naturally came with it. If he took a closer look it was easy for him to spot familiar faces, people that were dancing and having fun without him, people he loves but that might be about to start hating him. Because he hasn’t done a single thing and he already feels like a bad person. 

Those bright green eyes he knows so well shined directly towards him, and he couldn’t not spot them as they turned to him, that was something that came with having a good eye sight. The face of his girlfriend was smiling to him, waving him to come join her, but he wasn’t in the mood, so he shook his head in denial.

He knew she wouldn’t take no for an answer, he knew her like the palm of his hands, she never gave up so easily. 

It was only a matter of seconds - and couple blinks - to have her standing right in front of him, hands on his shoulders and the biggest smile on her face. She was happy tonight, he felt bad. 

“There you are!” she yelled, even though he could perfectly hear her, but the euphoria was kicking her hard.  “Why are you sitting down?! This is a party” she fake frowned, as she took a look at him up and down. 

He did what he does best, act natural and mask shit out. After all, that’s all he could possibly do to avoid tension. 

“It’s called a small break, genius” he rolled his eyes, letting out a sarcastic tone that came out playful.

“Right, sorry” she said, going in to take a sit right beside him.

Feeling her arms go around his waist made him even more nervous. When he turned his head to the side, her lips crashed messily into his, greeting him peck, and letting him know she was indeed having a very fun night, but not only that, she was silently telling him she cared and she hoped he was having a good night too. 

I’m a bad person. 

That thought wouldn’t stop going around his head as time went by, and as he opened his eyes and saw hers, she moved over and went to take the last sip of his drink, he felt even worse. She was unusually happy, and he was about to ruin it from all sudden. 

Should he give some sort of hint before exploding the bomb? 

Should he leave it out for another occasion? 

Would it be better is he said it now? 

None, none of those answers seemed like a good option. He was second guessing himself and that was even worse. It was going to be a disaster and there was no way to evict that. 

Scratch that, I’m a terrible person. 

A couple of big hands landed on his shoulders from all sudden, making him jump in place and sending shivers down his spine. She got scared too at the sudden move, but she smiled right after, once she saw the face behind the small prank, and the one that gave Tom the scare of his life. 

“Baby!” Tuwaine’s voice busted in his ears out of the blue, and almost knock him out of his seat. 

“Shit!” He exclaimed, doing his best to not fall over “Fuck! Don’t do that, shitface” 

As he turned, he appreciated the face of one of his best mates and his girlfriend right beside him, both of them looking just as euphoric as his own girlfriend, and acting concerned for his lack of excitement tonight, which was good for a season like this. No work, free time, a night to remember… it was weird for Tom to be so serious, it was only on him to make it look as natural as it could be. 

“Why are you sitting down?” Tuwaine asked. 

“That is exactly what I said” (Y/n) argued, as he watched the pair taking a seat right in front of them. 

“I don’t feel like dancing tonight, I enjoy watching you trying to get some moves right” Tom excused, directing an awkward grin to his best friend. 

“I do a good job, compared to you, you just do alright” Tuwained mocked. 

Allison, his girlfriend, laughed “Good one” she giggled, pinching his cheek and grabbing the drink she has been sipping from for the last half an hour. 

They’ve been at this bar for a while already, Tom has lost count of how long it has been since they arrived, but for all he knows, he has done through a couple of drinks already, and he would keep going, but he can’t. He needs a clear mind tonight and he couldn't mess that up. 

“Another round, gentlemen? Tequila, (Y/n)?” Allison offered, raising a hand for the waiter to come. 

“I wouldn’t mind that” (Y/n) shrugged, showing a smile. 

“I’ll have one more too” Tuwaine agreed, nodding to his girl as he leaned on the table.

He had to admit he was taking this situation better than he expected. He held his girl’s hand, kissed her on the cheek, caught up on a previous conversation with his best friend, took the liberty to take another beer, and before he knew it, the situation was looking more normal in his eyes. 

It was the first time in months he’s been in a bar in London, he has been out for work and all over the world for so long, having some time to stay home made him feel calmed and better. After staying at his apartment, reflecting on life and hardly going out for almost a full week, it was the first time in a very long time he had a night out with his close ones and he was grateful for it. 

… but still he was extremely sorry for this night to be the night. 

With his head off elsewhere, he kept his girl close as he nodded at the words of his best friend, sipped on his beer and heard (Y/n) ask questions to keep the conversation alive. He didn’t comment or participated, he just listened, he didn’t want to take part in the mix and say anything stupid, he just needed to be present and act natural. 

It was difficult to remain fairly sober when he had to face something like this, it was his third drink already, and without intending it, he was going through it faster than usual, maybe it was because he was barely speaking, but as the conversation went on, the bottle became empty as time passed, and he didn’t like that. If he wasn’t careful, he was going to gain himself an assisted ride home and slide words of his mouth that weren’t intended, he needed to get ahold of himself, unless he wanted to start creating wrong opinions from his closest friends. 

The light shifted in the room, the DJ became inspired, and in the blink of an eye everyone in the crowd started cheering with excitement. It wasn’t weird at all, he knew why, those were 90’s songs, everyone loves those. The night was starting to come alive with every second and he could see his friends vibing with it, he could see it in how their faces changed and the mood lit up even more. For a second he felt jealous, very jealous. They were having a genuinely good time, and here he was, making a mess of his own mind by worrying about something that has been hammering him for weeks. 

He couldn’t wait to get it out of his head. He couldn’t wait to feel himself again. 

“Oof I love that song, that’s it” Allison cheered, grabbing (Y/n)‘s sleeve and jumping with excitement. “Bye, boys” 

As usual, she just laughed at her friend’s reaction and jumped off her seat at that weird queue, looked back at Tom suggestively and nodded towards the dance floor. 

He shifted uncomfortably. 

“Go dance, we’ll stay here” Tom assured both of the girls, silently telling Tuwaine to make him company. 

Surprisingly none of them fought him, like he was expecting them to. Allison just grabbed (Y/n)’s hand and took off to the dance floor, because she was already too drunk and she couldn’t wait, her body was in need of a bit of dancing.  (Y/n) looked back on his direction, giving him an apologetic smile that he waved off without even thinking about it, because there was nothing to apologize for, she was always apologizing for everything. 

She deserved to have a bit of fun alone with her friend. He knew she stressed a lot and needed a break, it was a good idea to just let her be, sing and dance until she could forget about whatever she was stressing about this time. 

She is a hard working girl, that is why he loves her so much. 

“You’re a bit off mate” Tuwaine mumbled to him. Moving on his seat to be closer. 

His eyebrows raised, he almost choked with his beer, but he groaned it off, he didn’t want to come off as nervous, although it looked like he was failing. What was happening to him tonight, he didn’t know, but whatever he knew about acting was wearing off, because he was failing at it, and now all he could do was face reality. 

“Really?” He asked, trying to seem surprised, but not too much. 

“Yeah” Tuwaine said, like it was obvious. “you alright?” He asked, genuinely concerned, slowly turning serious. 

Tom hesitated for a second. He didn’t wish to engage anyone into anything, this was something he has been thinking about and it was more of a personal fight, he didn’t want other people to get involved. However, Tuwaine has been his right hand for such a long time, he understood why it worried him to see him like this, because if it was his case, he would feel like that too. He couldn’t give him the benefit of the doubt, that would be mean, he trusted him, so he guessed it would be better to tell someone than to do this and have no one know about this beforehand. It would be like walking on it alone… right?.

“Yeah! Always” he assured, nervously fidgeting with the bottle in his hands.

 He thought about it for a second, doubted himself and then… he just gave up. 

“Actually, I don’t know” he let out, looking directly at him. “Can I tell you secret?” he mumbled. 

Tuwaine shot him a weird look, raised his eyebrows and asked “Right here?” as he looked around the room and moved closer to his friend so he could hear him right. 

“Yes” Tom nodded  “Just act natural, it doesn’t have to be a big deal” he warned, looking to his from and forcing a small grin in direction of the two girls dancing not too far from them, who would turn and look at them every once in a while. He didn’t want them to notice the tension that started to build up. 

“Okay” Tuwaine agreed, looking up front and mumbling “Whats up?”

Once again, he felt weird, but he needed to be an adult and be able to say this as it was, not with bad intentions, but still being real about what his thoughts were. It was his friend after all, he trusted him, nothing bad could come out from this… yet. 

“I’ve been thinking about... stuff, a lot, lots of things going around and after having some serious reflections about this, I think... I don’t know” he started, not really finding the right words to introduce the situation, because there were no right words to say this. It was just complicated. “I think (Y/n) and I...” he tried to explain, but he really couldn’t. 

He motioned with his fingers what he tried to say, finding that an easier way to explain the situation than to describe it with words. With both of his index fingers he touched them together and then moved them apart, as simple as that, there was no more to communicate. Tuwaine seemed to piece everything together way too quickly, and Tom was nervous what his reaction could be. 

“Really?” he whispered in a very surprised toned, clearly being stunned by that new. 

Tom nodded shyly. “Yes” he mumbled back. 

Tuwaine blinked, clearly being confused and surprised by all this, like Tom expected. 

He was aware that dropping this bomb would be anything but easy, and that there would always be a reaction from any of the parts. First of all, because he has been with the same girl for already four years, they love each other, they live together… it was a hard decision, but the hardest thing of it all, was that this was something that would have consequences in more than one aspect and they all knew that very well, it would be a chaos, he was absolutely terrified of it. 

“Wow” Tuwaine said, letting out a big sigh as he asked “Is everything alright with you two?” 

Tom pressed his lips together, now really getting nervous “It’s fine, it’s okay, it’s just...” he tried to explain. “Listen I’m going to sound like a real asshole right now but it is really the whole truth” he warned, because now it really could get worse from here.  “I think I want to be with other people” he said shyly, looking for approval in his friend’s eyes as he said his truth. 

Tuwaine looked anything but happy at that response, he looked deep into Tom’s eyes, took a second and nodded his way, giving him the chance to explain himself once. 

“Go on” he said harshly, he jaw showing some tension that made him even more uncomfortable. 

Tom nodded back, and prepared himself to make this one short and sweet. 

“See, I’m only 23 and she is just 21, we’ve been on this relationship for around four years and I have had a good time but I just thought about it and I am not ready for commitment, mate, I am young, I need to explore a bit more and see other girls other than her, live new experiences, you know what I’m saying?” He asked, turning to look at him. “I love her, I really do, but really... I think I’m ready to move on and explore” he shrugged “it really had nothing to do with her, I’m just thinking, hey, I’m still young enough to see a little more aside from the first girl I ever started a real thing with, it’s not like we’re married, maybe it’s time both of us meet new people” he explained, trying to make it sound somehow better, but it was just the whole truth. 

Tuwaine looked unsure and certainly surprised by his friends speech. Tom understood that Tuwaine was probably not expecting something like this to come up on a night like this, but the truth is that there was never going to be a right moment, and by this time there was a certain urge for Tom to let it out. He has been rounding this thought for a while, it wasn’t just something that popped out in his mind. It might be surprising, but it wasn’t random. 

“I don’t know, are you sure about this?” Tuwaine doubted “I mean, look at her” he said, turning to look back at the girls “She looks very happy now that you’re here, and I mean, she is pretty, smart, she loves having you around, she helps you a lot, are you sure you want this?” He asked Tom, doing his best to make him reconsider his decision. 

With this, Tom knew his friend was not agreeing with his argument. But it was natural, he was her friend too, and they were good friends. None of them would want to see her sad, but this is how things rolled now. He took a decision and he would stand by it. 

“Yeah, I mean...” he mumbled, looking at her for a second “I don’t want her to just vanish out of my life, I figured we could always be friends and whatnot” he sighed, shaking his head at the thought of her just… going away. 

Tom turned his head towards his friend. He was never seen him with such marked frown but still calmed look on his face, clearly trying to remain normal. He wasn’t feeling comfortable and Tom was already getting nervous, this is exactly what he wanted to evict. 

 “Don’t look at me like that” Tom begged in a mumble “Tuwaine, don’t judge me, please”

“I don’t! I don’t judge you, I swear” Tuwaine said, snapping out of it and holding up both of his hands “Hey, Listen, I think you’re making a mistake, alright? but  if you thought about it and you’re sure, then go for it” he shrugged, trying to show some respect to him “But be careful, okay? That’s all I can say, if that’s what will make you happy, I support you, you know that” he assured him, nodding his way and trying to crack a smile. 

Tom knew that was not the most honest answer from his part, that hurt, but he bought it. There really was not a better outcome for this moment. He knew no one was going to tell him it was the right decision, but he knew what he was about to do, even when it didn’t seem like so, he has thought this through. 

“Thanks mate” He thanked him, leaning in to pat on his shoulder. 

As time passed he grew more nervous, now that he has revealed his big secret to someone, not only that, now that he has revealed it and also was alone with the only person who knew his secret, he was feeling even worse than before. Good thing of having someone know of his secret was that he was passing onto him very good advice. He would tell him what she should say and what not to say, what he would do, his perspective, some past experiences that might help him… if anything, he was starting to feel this moment was starting to become a bonding moment for him and Tuwaine, sure it was not the best situation, but sharing this kind of information with him somehow felt special. 

Tuwaine would speak a lot, and so did he, trying to explain a little bit how he was come to this decision while he could, as well as giving Tuwaine the chance (and privilege) of commenting on his master plan, that might as well go wrong, but it could be less bad if he fixed some aspects of it with the help of his friend.

Their conversation seemed cut off when suddenly the girls disappeared in the crowd of people, and barely making themselves noticeable, appeared behind them trying to make it seem like a surprised, and once again completing the group that just a couple of minutes ago was incomplete. 

(Y/n) slid her arms around Tom, let him hold her hands as they laid on his chest and leaned over to kiss him on the cheek. Typical move of her, she loved to have him like this, and he was not mad at it, at all. He felt warm, safe, home…

Focus, Tom, God dammit. 

“Are we ready to go?” He asked, as he turned his head and let her leave a small peck on his lips. 

A small frown appeared in her forehead, as she walked around him to face him directly and hugged his waist to keep him close. He could see she was missing having the opportunity to have him this close, after months apart, she was missing him a lot and it was showing. On his behalf, It was wrecking him from the inside out, but he was an actor and right now he needed to mask this one. 

“What? You want to go already?!” AIlison exclaimed, sounding completely outraged by his question.  

He shrugged, hugged his girl close and left a small kiss on her forehead. He needed an excuse to get out of here, this was the best chance he could find. 

“Are you tired, bubs?” (Y/n) asked softly, looking up at him. 

“A little bit, I’m going to lie” he nervously laughed, shrugging a little “Jet lag is a real bitch” he said, but he didn’t mean that. 

Jet lagged has already passed. He has recovered his usual schedule for a couple of days now, he was fine. It was just the perfect excuse to get him out, he knew no one would fight him while playing this card. 

“That’s true” (Y/n) agreed, leaving a kiss on his cheek and grabbing her purse on the table. 

He made sure to turn back at Tuwaine with a suggesting look, so he understood it was time and he needed him and his girlfriend to vanish elsewhere. Right now he just needed to be alone with his girl and make every possible thing in his hand to not fuck anything up. 

“We can go then too, I’ll call an Uber” Tuwaine announced, finishing his drink in one sitting, and getting up from his seat. Queue for everyone to do the same.  

“Already? c’mon” Allison whined, showing a pout as she followed her boyfriend’s moves. 

“Don’t worry babe, I have an idea” Tuwaine mumbles to her, trying to make this situation look just a bit better. 

Making their way out of the bar was difficult, it was crowded, however, it is even more difficult to make it out of there when there are people around that knew Tom’s face, called his name, touched his shoulders and even stepped in the way to just wave his wave. Sometimes it could become very overwhelming. One way or another, and one step at a time, they made their way out of the place and into the cold and shiny streets of London at night. 

Tonight was not the most busy night for London’s bar, in fact, for them it was the perfect night to go out for a drink, but it was still crowded enough to build up a proper party. There were a lot of people around, however, there were not enough, so they could easily be able to step out in the street without getting mobbed with people recognizing him and only occasionally see a couple people around that would either call his name or wave at him, those were the best kind of nights, they were the best because he could chill and fool around with his friends without having too much eyes on him. Somehow it made him feel like he was just another guy going out in London. 

They stepped into the streets of the city, looking for their usual spot to call a taxi. Him having (Y/n)’s hand in his and guiding her through the small crowd in front of the bar and making sure she was with him at all times. It has just rained, he knew that, it was noticeable on how blingy everything looked now and it didn’t before, also on how this new fresh air ran through the air, he was not expecting the weather to change like this so suddenly. 

He looked back at his girlfriend, just to make sure she was not feeling the same as him or even worst, checking if she was cold so he could lend him his jacket if needed; she was definitely the kind of girl who got cold easily. Instead, the moment he turned around, he found her grabbing onto his arm just a little tighter and fighting her feet as she walked and  stumbled onto her side in a dumb move when she tried to step in. 

“Hey” Tom chuckled, grabbing her arms as a reflect “Was that you stumbling?” He asked, holding her still. 

Her lips opened, then closed and cracked into a smile. “No” she answered, standing up straight.

He looked at her with a suspicious look that she detected in less than a millisecond. She laughed, and before he could even notice her arms were all over him, wrapping him into a hug and clinging into him. He laughed, leaned into her and kissed her lips softly, hold her close and really took in this moment. He loved it, he loved this, but he would miss it, having her here and now was something he had thought about pretty often while he was gone, and now that it was happening, it was a shame that he was going to ruin it soon. 

“What if we get lost?” He whispered over her lips, kissing her cheek, and pulling her more into him. 

She smiled and nodded, making him understand that they were already going home, it was obvious. He nodded back, making her know, he was actually meaning something else. 

“What?” She asked, now clearly being confused. 

“We” he signaled “are getting lost” he announced, already assuming there was no way she would say no to this. 

Even when she doubted… he was right. She looked at him in doubt for a second and by the look on her face, it was clear that she would go with the flow of whatever he had in mind, it was just perfect. 

“Okay” she mumbled, taking his hand in hers and squeezing it lightly. 

Tom smiled widely, everything was going well, now he just needed to calm down, he could already feel his nerves spiking up on his spine, waiting for the worst part to happen and be over. He was turning more anxious by the second. 

Thank god he’s been trained to mask this kind of shit, it was really growing on him and the last thing he needed was making a show in the middle of a public place because he was incapable of ‘playing it cool’ when he needed to. 

“Guys, we’re going to take a  walk home” he announced to the couple in front of them, as he grabbed his girls hand and guided her with him. 

Allison immediately turned up to then and frowned. When things came out a little different, she usually made a lot of questions, but this time Tuwaine had this covered, when he immediately stepped in and wrapped his arm around Allison’s shoulders he was saving his ass from panicking, big time. 

 “Are you sure? The Uber is almost here” Tuwaine asked, showing him the lit up screen on his phone. 

Tom smile and nodded in response. 

“Yeah, we can take the long way” he shrugged, slowly walking back and taking (Y/n) with him. 

“It is a very long way, are you sure you don’t want a ride?” Allison asked, genuinely sounding concerned. 

“It’s shorter than you think!” Tom exclaimed, slowly turning around and making his way out. 

He could sense Allison just about to fight him into coming with them into the uber, but the situation was quickly diffused by her boyfriend, who immediately sensed, it was probably better they made their way out by themselves and not step into uncomfortable situations before anything could happen. 

“Leave them, I have somewhere we can go” He heard Tuwaine mumble to her quietly, thing that relaxed her and made any possible questions fade out. “See you Monday!” he created Tom as he walked away. 

“See you, mate!” he waved back, saying goodbye and finally getting what he wanted. 

It might raise some sort of suspicion, but this is exactly what he was asking for, a walk with (Y/n), that was it… 

Now he just needed to get it together. 

As they walked under the cold streets of London, Tom held her hand tightly and swung it back and forth slightly as they walked and he heard her speak, telling him stories and putting him up to date with everything. They made their way around effortlessly, already knowing where to go and how to get into quitter places where they could really be alone, they knew this place like the back of their hands, getting lost was easy, but really getting lost, for them was both easy and a pleasure. London is a beautiful city, but it is even more beautiful when you know those spots where no one else went, and that is exactly what they went for, a bit of privacy and somewhere where they could walk peacefully. 

With just a bit of patience and taking the right ways, in no time they were entering themselves into the best shortcuts of the city. Suddenly, everything so much calm than before, no one else was there staring, or speaking, or calling his name, it was just them on the quietness of the streets, walking hand in hand like dumb teenagers in love. For them everything was always like if they were dumb teenagers. 

He had to admit that for a second he really thought she would never buy that poor excuse he gave her to get them out of that place. In fact, he really thought she would be mad for him making them walk instead of taking a cab, however, it happened to be the complete opposite. She was looking way overly excited for having this kind of moment with him, she would walk around the middle of the street in a slightly faster pace than him, almost giving small jumps of excitements as they walked and going on into a story that clearly excited her. On the other side, he wouldn’t speak, he would just listen, made small comments and let her go on; seeing her being so excited was adorable, but he was already starting to feel terrible and it was showing. On his mind, he was trying to find the way to turn this around and make this be as mild as it could possibly be. 

“You are quiet tonight” She mentioned from all sudden, stopping her story and looking back at him with a comforting smile. Obviously trying to calm him down without saying much, like she would usually do at times. 

Right now he really wished that would work the same. 

“No, I’m not” he excused himself, shrugging it off as he turned to look back at her. 

She chuckled at his dumb answer. “Yep” she answered back, squeezing his hand as she mumbled. “Yes, you are” 

Maybe it was time for him to set the mood and get serious, get into something more than just an exciting story and tone it down, that way he thought it might be easier to introduce such a thing later. The last thing he wanted was to burst her bubble from happy to concerned from all sudden, it would be so much worst. 

“Sorry” he apologized, directing to her a bit of a shy smile “I'm just a little...”

“Stressed?” she guessed, cutting him off and taking him completely off guard. 

Words were struggling to come out of his mouth, he wasn’t expecting her to see him stressed, even though he was, he thought he was playing it off well, looking normal and relaxed, like he usually was. Now he sees he was wrong. 

“I get it, tour week it’s coming and you barely get a proper break, it kind of sucks” she mentioned, shrugging a little as she looked up front. 

I’m a way she was right. He was grateful mind reading wasn’t a thing, but in certain way, she had nailed the fact that there was something in him bothering him from that aspect. He loved his job, but sometimes he couldn’t help to keep thinking about what was coming next, even when he was on vacation. This is one of those situations, however, this time there was a plus. 

“Yeah, That” he chuckled nervously, as he looked down “Im having re-shoots after that” he also mentioned, keeping the conversation up. 

Her eyebrows raised. “Where?” She asked. 

“Atlanta” 

It was surprising he did not mentioned this to her before, being such an important fact about him leaving for work, again. He usually kept this to himself, although he wouldn’t keep a secret about him leaving, he just didn’t feel like mentioning everything he had to do; he thought it made everything seem a little overwhelming, taking things slow was a better option. 

“Wow” she sighed. “you don’t ever get a break, do you?”

He chuckled slightly. “No” he said  “I need to learn my lines” he also mentioned, almost as a reminder to himself. 

Another responsibility he needed to get his hands on before things piled up. 

“Can I take a look at them?” she asked in a happy tone, already looking excited about something like this.

He smiled shyly, acting as if he would think about it, but once he turned to see her, she already knew what he was going to say. “Sure” he let out, squeezing her hand a little bit as she jumped in excitement. 

He couldn’t say he was surprised about this, she was always trying to check things out when it came to his scripts. Prompts of having her, she really enjoyed all of the world of screenwriting, she always looking for so much information that it came in handy when she had comments over scripts he had to do. It helped him a lot and at the same time he hoped it helped her as well, after all, this was something she enjoyed with her whole heart. 

“I have exams in two weeks, you came right in time” she mentioned, changing the topic as she let go of his hand and went in to walk over the yellow line of the sidewalk. “Right before you leave, I’ll be starting my vacation, I might even grow a pair to see you in action, mister” she mentioned, making a funny face at him and winking his way. 

He laughed at her silly moves. She was the kind of person that every time she had some sort of boost of energy, it would show, this was one of the situations. She would walk over that yellow line trying to maintain balance and (for sure) acting like a little girl, she was looking for something to do as they made their way home and that would keep her active. It was certainly adorable. It was hard for him to keep track of the conversation as he watched her, it was somehow entertaining how she moved so gracefully and at the same time rambled like crazy as she spoke. 

“What do you mean ‘see me in action’, lady?” he answered, imitating her teasing tone “You’ll make it to the premier?” he asked, letting his eyebrow raise unconsciously. 

“Yes, to the premier!” she exclaimed, jumping in place. “I already have it thought out and everything, it will be really fun” she mentioned, giving a small twirl on her feet as she walked, keeping her little game over that line, never for a second letting herself fall. 

He shifted uncomfortably, suddenly feeling the tension over power his body. She had so much in mind, he did too. It was going to be an impossible task to burst her bubble in a gentle way because she already had high hopes over the future. He was about to ruin everything. 

He is a bad person. 

“I’m sure it will” he mumbled, not being aware of how it came out but suddenly realizing, his nervousness was really starting to show up. 

She turned to look at him, obviously noticing the sudden change in his mood. Her face showing a slight and concerned frown on her face. He tried to mask it with a neutral look, but it really was not working now. He just stepped into a weird zone and he didn’t know how to get out, there was not going back now. 

“What?” she chuckled awkwardly, trying to read his look. 

His eyebrows raised. “What? What?” he answered back. 

They looked at each other intensely for a good couple of seconds. Her trying to read him and him trying to act like nothing was going on. He was failing, of course, because once she took her eyes out of him, it was clear that she sensed something was off, and once again, she’d be right. 

“You’re acting weird” she mentioned, stepping out of the sidewalk and towards him. “are you nervous about it?” she asked. 

For a second, he completely panicked. What did she mean by ‘it’? Did she already knew what he was about to do?. 

It only took him a couple seconds to realize she was actually talking about the one movie he has been working on for the past years and that hasn’t come out yet, but it will and yes, he was nervous about that too. He was rarely nervous, but this was something that also had him at the edge of his seat. He was glad she could read into that too, because at the moment it was a good mask for his weird behaviour. 

“It’s my first movie for a overly famous company, I’m shitting myself” he nervously chuckled as the words left his mouth “Marvel is one thing, but this... Oof” he sighed, not being able to explain it well. 

The smile on her face was very comforting. “It’ll be great” she assured him, taking his hand in hers  “we all love Pixar and you are great in voice acting” 

He shrugged “I don’t know” he mumbled  “I was really nervous in the shooting sessions, I don’t think it’s my best” he admitted sincerely.

A shy silence fell between them. He guessed that  she didn’t have much to say, he didn’t know what to say either. The truth was there were a lot of things going on in his life that made him this nervous, those were things he still had a hard a hard time controlling and he knew that even when it killed her to see him like this, she didn’t know how to handle this either. Having him like this was fairly odd. 

“Is that what got you like this?” She asked shyly. He didn’t answered, he thought it was better to not say anything. She took that in as an answer and smiled. “You know my cousin always says something really wise that I don’t know if you’ve heard before but it says something like: tu n'as pas besoin d’impressionner tout le monde, fais des choses avec amour et les personnes intéressées se manifesteront” she recited, as expected, he didn’t get it, he had no clue of French.  “which essentially means... if you liked what you did and you worked for it, then people will love it, and if they don’t...” she shrugged “they don’t know what they’re talking about”

He smiled. 

It was nice how no matter what the conflict was in his head that bothered him in the most minimal way, she always knew what to say and I’m one way or another, it made him feel a lot better. This it was not exactly what he was looking for, but he gave her that. Watching her use her wisdom on him was a gift, he enjoyed it, even when it was not the situation, he wanted to hear one of those thoughts one last time. 

If it was the last time he would get to hear them… 

“Merci” he thanked her, smiling at her shyly. 

She smiled back, there was something her that told her that even when he didn’t say much, he would really think about what she just told him and just… relax. That was okay, that was all she wanted and needed. 

As they kept walking through those lonely and quiet streets, it was easy for Tom to find a way to change routes without her asking questions. Good thing about knowing this place so well, no matter where they went, everything could be a shortcut one way or another; before they even noticed his plan was going to perfection, just like he had planned, they were entering that isolated park where sometimes they would hangout, walk the dog, have a drink… lots of things. It was a not a strange place for them and it was the the ideal place to just sit and have a serious talk. It was just the place where they needed to be. 

As they passed in front of the place, he took the chance to step into the grass surface of the park and entering it without asking if she wanted to go there first, he just did, and almost automatically, he thought it would be a good idea to make his way to the swings. Pretty much the only sitting surface they had in the whole park. 

She walked beside him quietly, watching him as he sat down in one of the swings and looked up at her, waiting for her to do that same. The face she made to him was quiet funny, he was being somehow unpredictable and that was really taking her by surprise. At first she showed to be unsure, but after seeing that he was not going to move from that place in a little while, she gave up and just sat down on the swing beside him. 

The atmosphere had become quiet weird and now she was the one becoming nervous, mostly because how intrigued she was, but she didn’t let that show on her, she just went with the flow, she wouldn’t let a bad feeling let her make a fool of herself. 

“Why are we here?” She asked, swinging herself back and forth softly as she looked his way. 

“I just thought we could sit down for a while” he mentioned quietly “have a talk” he shrugged. 

It was weird, she thought, but she let it pass. 

“Okay” she mumbled, nodding a little bit and not asking anymore questions. 

She looked around the place, admiring the quietness that surrounded them and the sounds of nature that made themselves noticeable at this time. This place was surrounded by a neighborhood, a very nice one, that happened to have very nice houses with very nice gardens that most of the times served as houses for little insects and frogs that helped create such a nice environment. One of those houses actually happened to be her aunt’s house, pretty much the only piece of close family she had in the entire city to count on while her family was at the other side of the world, so you could say this place was no strange to her, it was a familiar environment, it almost felt like home. 

“Oh, would you look at that” she laughed, taking a look at the big white house on their front “Look who’s awake” she said, pointing out to the only window of the house that showed a turned on light. 

He hummed and looked that way. 

“Little Franky is messing around at three in the morning, busted” she chuckled to herself “I bet he’s - like - watching porn or working or reading, but he should be sleeping, that’s a fact, he has school or whatever” she mentioned. 

If there was someone she loved in this world with her entire heart was her cousin, Frank. Some may say they are siblings from another mother and the same family, but for her, that guy is her freaking soulmate. There was no one in this world that understood her better than him, and the fact that he was also in London, at the same time at her, that was priceless. They were used to being apart all of the time, having him close was just like a blessing. 

“Isn’t he driving you tomorrow?” he asked, in a poor attempt of being chatty. 

She smiled. “Sure, but only in the afternoon, I’m not the one who has to wake up super early” she shrugged, thinking about it for a second, seeing how her cousin’s head peeked from the window and disappeared in matter of a second. “Oh, I know what it is! I think he has some new friends in Paris, I heard, he’s probably playing video games, lame” she mocked, rolling her eyes. 

He laughed at her reaction, he sensed how much she would like to be there to tease him, but it was not the time. It was adorable anyway, their relationship was adorable. 

“You’re a bully, have you heard?” he teased, bumping his knee to hers. 

“Stop” she fake whined, now rolling her eyes at him and looking his direction. “I have to admit, I thought we would be going home right away, have some time alone for once” she shrugged, now being more serious. “Huh? you have been home for weeks and we’ve hardly had… you know, a night for us”

The chuckle that came out of his lips was the most awkward move that he has made in his entire life, and he has done plenty of stupid shit. At this point, it was impossible for him to mask anything, it was almost like his abilities to play it cool have worn out entirely. He needed to get serious and think this through. 

He didn’t want to do this and mark a wrong impression, he wanted to make things right, but with his nerves playing him like this, he was afraid he would fuck things up in a heartbeat. 

“Yeah, about that” he said softly “I kind of wanted to talk to you about something”

She was too smart. The second he said that in that tone was the second her face changed completely, she knew something wasn’t right and it was starting to concern her. He felt terrible for that, he didn’t like when she worried like this. 

“Are you okay?” she asked in a serious tone “Seriously, Tom, I don’t understand what is happening, you’re acting really weird” she said, a nervous chuckle coming out of her lips, as she looked at him directly and gave him all her attention. 

“I am fine, I really am” he said, immediately “and let me just say, you are too, there is nothing wrong with you, you are one of the nicest beings ever, beautiful, smart and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, nothing”

He felt like he needed to point that out, he wanted her to know it was all him, not her, make it clear before she started to have second thoughts. Although it did sound like every breakup excuse, it was the truth, he needed to lay that out. 

“Okay” she said awkwardly “Thanks...” 

“I really mean it” he said quickly “there is absolutely nothing wrong with you”

“What?” she sighed, already growing even more nervous.  “Listen, you are really creeping me out”

He nodded, he was already starting this with the wrong foot, he needed to fix this up before his nerves betrayed him entirely. 

“Sorry” he apologized “I just thought it would be easier if we came here, somehow this place calms me down” he admitted, looking around and taking a short second to breath. The tension was building up quicker than he anticipated

“Because is the only place no one is eavesdropping?” she asked, her eyebrow raising in question. 

“And because I know that every time I am here, you are always with me, no matter if you are actually here or in my mind, you just… make me company” he mumbled. 

Somehow his hand managed to find hers, and he held her tight for a good second. Already refusing to let go, at least for now. He just needed to hold her one more time, even if it was the last time he would have the chance… 

“Something is bothering you, something other than your job” she said, stating the situation without asking what was happening, again. 

He nodded, her statements were right, just now in the way she thought. 

“Take a break, let’s go home” she insisted, squeezing his hand and encouraging him to get up and go home. 

Without her noticing, she was silently encouraging exactly what he has been struggling to say in weeks, and she had no idea. He has been rounding this for a long time, it was finally time to say it out loud and see what happened. Now is the time, it’s something he needed to do and now that they were at this point of the night and right where he planned to be, it was time. 

He looked at her straight in the eyes, took a deep breathe and just said it. It was just as easy as that. 

“I’ve been thinking about this a lot, I think it might be good for us if we took a break” he finally said to her, being careful with his words and keeping it simple. 

It was not easy to let this out, but once he did, it felt like taking a weight off his shoulders. If it should feel like that or not… for him it felt great. 

After he said that, she paused for a second. It was clear that she didn’t know what to say or how to react, it was too sudden and she wasn’t ready for something like this. Whatever she could do or say now, he didn’t know. 

“A what?” she asked in confusion “When I- I didn’t mean you took a break like this, silly, I meant a break from work, what do you mean a break?” She mentioned nervously, struggling to really understand what was happening “Tom, what do you mean?” She asked again.  

He noticed it was being difficult for her to process the bomb that he just dropped to her. She understood perfectly, but she could only hope that she misunderstood the situation and it was only a joke he was trying to play. It was not. 

“I mean, maybe we should take some time to see other people, take a break from each other and maybe if we don’t feel comfortable and we’re both up to it...” 

…go back, he implied, hoping he had made himself clear on what he tried to say. 

I’m situations like this, it was very difficult to not look like the bad guy, but at the same time, it was even more difficult to handle the whole conversation without saying the wrong thing and make it as easy as he could. He didn’t want her to feel bad or cry, but that was impossible because it was already happening, the fact it was getting out of hand without him intending it was frustrating. 

He wanted to take a hold of it. He didn’t want this to end up like in a wrong way, but it was failing quicker than he thought and it scared him.

“Did I do something?” She asked, her voice broken and eyes shining. 

The atmosphere was slowly changing around her. Her breathing was heavier, she was quiet, her hands tried to stay still and the flow panic that flew out of her head without her noticing was impressing. He felt terrible. He was the one responsible for breaking her bubble, she was happy, and now she was not, she was crying. It was all on him. 

“You didn’t do anything” he made clear once again. “I just think we should take some time for each other, we see each other all of the time when I’m out of work, we have lived together for two years, there is not a time ever were we aren’t alone, do you know what I mean?” he tried to explain, as best as he could “Baby, I love you more than you could ever imagine, but we are young and I need space… we need space” 

At the mention of space, she sobbed. If there was something she was terrified of, was space. She never had a problem with leaving him be and let him do whatever he wanted, that applied to her as well, she liked to have liberty herself, but there was something inside of her, a big irrational fear of being alone without the ones she loved around her. 

He knew very well how anxious this made her and how sensitive this topic was, he has heard stories and he knows she was completely terrified of people leaving her. This was not the case, he would never let this be the case, he would never leave her life just like so. 

“Couples that take breaks never get back together” she mumbled. 

“We could be the exception” he argued. 

“How?!” she snapped, breaking the peace of the silence of the night and for once, showing this small contained anger she had inside. 

More than anger, what she had was a lot of questions. It didn’t made sense in her head how he has decided to bring this up now and the fact that it was so sudden made her struggle. She was scared of what could possible happen next, she was too used to this… what is going to happen now?. 

“You’re not making this any easier” he mumbled, getting even more nervous himself, now that she was having this reaction. 

“So was this…?” she tried saying, but her breathing was too heavy, she could hardly speak. “Why? Why are you doing this? Where is this coming from?” she rambled, not containing herself at all. 

“Darling” he mumbled “Calm down first, lets just talk, the least thing I want to do is hurt you” he said softly. 

“You’re hurting me now” she whispered back, breaking his heart slowly. 

 He made sure to hold her hand tight and run his finger on the back of it. He was hoping it would help calm down, it would usually work, but he guessed it wouldn’t be that easy this time.

This was really fucked up.

She was crying and he didn’t know what to do or say. Before he could even notice, he was actually on his knees in front of her, watching from another angle how she cried and poured her heart out. He held her hands tight and tried to keep it together.

 He hated this so much, but it necessary, this was something they needed for the sake of both of their relationship. He didn’t pretend to be selfish, he just needed to state that it might be the time for them to separate for a little while, even if it hurt, it was time, sooner or later, this had to happen. 

“We’ve been together for four years” he explained softly “I love you, you know that, but... don’t you ever wonder how it would be to be with someone else? have a moment for you? live with no attachments, at all?” he asked, trying to state his point. 

“No” she said in a outraged tone. 

He was not surprised, she was a very introverted person; once she got comfortable around something, she could spend her whole life around it and not be bothered at all, she liked routine and stability, it was just how she was. For him it was the complete opposite, he liked to shake things up every once in a while, so much of the same drove him crazy and sometimes he just needed to see different things. It wasn’t his fault, he was just like that. 

“Well I do” he said, still in a calmed tone.“Call me insane, but I’m curious; and even when I wished I didn’t have to leave you, or something else, I figured, I want to be honest with you no matter what” he admitted, holding her hands close to him he whispered a soft “I love you” and kissed the back of them softly. “I just ask you for a couple of weeks, a month maybe, not even” he almost begged, still being very consistent with his proposal. 

Her silence remained intact for a while, she seemed unable to speak or elaborate something appropriate for this moment, she just stared at him, on his knees in front of her and begging for her to understand what went to his mind. She wanted to, she really did, but there was something else inside of her that told her this was very wrong and it was not fair this was even happening. 

“Correct me if I’m wrong but” she started saying, in an attempt to speak normally  “Are you breaking up with me because you want to be with someone else? Are you bored of me?”

He didn’t know how to answer to that, it was difficult to answer that without sounding like an asshole and she was asking difficult questions. 

“It’s not like that” he mumbled. 

“Then, correct yourself, because it sounds like that” she argued, sniffing as tears left her eyes, demanding for a proper answer. 

At this moment he decided, this was going to be a difficult conversation to get around, so if he wanted to make this clearer he needed to be transparent with her. Trying to make this friendlier to not hurt her was going to fail anyway, he needed to get this out of the way and be honest. He was already stepping on this, the only thing he had left was finishing it. 

They could be here all night, but if he didn’t tell her the truth, they would never get to a solid point.  

“I just want to have a moment for myself” he snapped, finally confessing what was in his mind “Not like a man who has a distance relationship, because god knows how many times we’ve been over that, I want to feel how it is to be single” he said “I know this terrible and you will probably hate me after this but the only thing I want is… be”  

“And then what? Take me back? I’m not a toy, Holland, you can’t just leave me aside and then take me back whenever you feel like it” she argued, a big frown growing on her forehead as she spoke. 

Her hands left his in an abrupt move, he could almost feel how she was drifting away from him slowly. He wanted to stop that, get her back. Things were getting out of hand too quickly and he was terrified. 

“You’re not understanding my point” he said in a very serious tone. “I’m not doing this just for myself, I think this will be healthy for both of us” he whispered. “We’re young adults; with my job and the amount of compromise I have with so many people, I don’t feel like I’m on the right mindset for anything” he explained, still trying to make things clear. “I love being with you, don’t ever believe that I don’t, but I just want to feel what it is to be single and just...” he motioned “free of everything” 

The feeling of the air feeling his lungs was too potent, this much explaining was too much for him, especially at this time of the night, when he was half drunk and tired to keep up with this. 

“Is that supposed to mean that I am a responsibility for you?” she mumbled, her voice getting darker as she spoke. 

“Babe, of course” he said, her mouth widened in surprise instantly; he said the wrong thing and he knew it well. “not in a bad way, obviously, you’re my girl, I don’t want to lose you, not now or ever, but maybe taking this break will help us... revive the flame” 

As soon as he saw the chance, he grabbed both of her hands in his again and kissed the back of them softly. She didn’t resist it, but there was something in the air that told him she wasn’t comfortable. 

He was a bad person. 

Looking away from his face and into the dark sky of the night, she took a good breath and cried. She cried because it was the only thing she could do to drain her feelings without making this situation worst, even when he started it. 

“I-I-I…” she stuttered, trying to say something “Since when have you wanted to…?” she asked, not being able to finish the phrase. 

She didn’t need to, he knew perfectly what she meant. It was fair that she asked that, she had the right to know and he had the right to explain it all. 

“Since the last time I left” he confessed, opening up to her “I know, I know what you’re thinking and I know it took me the longest time to tell you about this, but I just… I wanted to tell you in person” he said softly “I feel like we have been on a cycle since we started dating, understand me, I just need a breather, I feel like a need a change in my life to get back on track later” he shrugged “This has nothing to do with you, it’s all me, I promise; it hurts for both of us, I am just begging you, let’s give us some time, live our lives, take a break and see how we feel, for once” he begged her, hoping she would understand and know what was happening through his brain. 

“But I don’t want to lose you” she mumbled. 

“I don’t want to lose you either, and you won’t” he assured her, kissing the back of her hands “I just want to clear my mind, I want you to have you space, relax, let both of us have time for ourselves… not spend all of the time together” he explained one more time “honestly, I’m annoying, don’t you get sick of me?” 

He wished this make her feel a lot better. A small smile came out of her lips but there was still sadness in her eyes. She didn’t want to let go and it was too difficult to process everything that was just happening, she was never ready for this, she didn’t even know if the right thing was to let it happen or to fight it. It was a situation she was completely unfamiliarized with. 

Although there were a million thoughts running through her mind by the second. When he got back on his feet and leaded her to do the same, she was already thinking about his proposal and it seemed like she had no other option than to take it, because if he already had this decision made, it was impossible he would change his mind, things were already said, there was no going back. Whether she liked it or not, it is what it is and there was nothing she could do about it. 

“We can still be friends, right?” she asked. 

Tom tensed for a good second. “I think it would be better if we just kept distance” 

One of the hardest part of taking this decision was accepting the right thing to do was to not only be apart from each other, but to really keep a distance so things could work the proper way. One of the two of them would break down if they kept contact, so it was better to keep it that way, just until the time was right, he thought, for the time being they just needed a good established break. 

“Seriously?” she asked, almost whining at his answer. 

He nodded “Just until we’re ready” he mumbled “It’ll just be a while, love, I promise” 

He knew this was coming, it’s been happening for a while. When a cry came out of her lips he was the first to pull her into his arms and let her cry the pain away. His heart shrunk at the sight of her pain, but it was his fault and he needed to be empathetic and show support, even when he was hurt as well. He was responsible, but it would be good for them. 

“I don’t want to be without you” she cried, holding onto him tightly. 

She held him tight and cried on his chest. If it was for her, she would never let go, she didn’t want to let go. 

“It’ll be good for us, I promise you, just a couple of weeks” he mumbled, his fingers running through her hair. 

“And if you don’t come back? If you feel better without me?” she asked. 

Until this moment, he never thought about that part.

 What if it felt better to be alone? 

“...then maybe, it’s a sign” he said, almost whispering “Of course that won’t happen; we’re a team, we should take this as a time for meditate and reflect on ourselves” he said, looking down at her and mumbling “It’ll be okay” 

Part of her wanted to not believe that, there was always something in her that told her this was wrong and he was lying, but something in her heart felt that… deep down, really deep down, he had a reason for all this, and he was right. This had to be mutual, she had no other option than to agree, even when she didn’t want to let him go so easily, the decision was already taken. 

She looked up at him, really wanting to look into his eyes, looking for answers. Something in his face showed empathy for her, but there was also something in him that looked serene and peaceful, he looked sure of what he was doing, and unlike her, completely calmed with this whole situation. She envied his capacity to remain so calm. On his lips he showed her a small smile, telling her it would all be okay and there was nothing to worry about, that they would get through this and it would be worth every second, a smile that told her he was more than sure of it. 

She didn’t know if it was worth believing that. He didn’t know what would happen, neither did her. Him being so sure about all this made her nervous. 

Suddenly the biggest fact of them all hit her. 

“Distance…” she mumbled, once it all fell into place. “Where am I supposed to go then?”

Of course this was something she should have worried about sooner, he has and she did not notice about that in any second, her thoughts were too consumed on the fact her four-year boyfriend was leaving her. 

He shyly smiled, telling her, he already had it thought out. 

It was never a coincidence he decided to take this way home and come to this park in particular. It was never a coincidence they were sitting in front of her aunt’s house, because once they had this conversation, this would be her stop and he would go home, all alone. He already had it thought out and she never guessed what he planned, not even in the slightest bit. 

The shock of the moment kept her quiet, she was physically unavailable to speak for a solid couple minutes. Given the time, he decided it was time for her to go where she needed to, so he walked her to the door, it was the least he could do. The fact she would probably get in trouble for knocking at his aunt’s door and ask to stay at this time, that was the least of their problems, he had it already talked out, so the hardest part of the night would be definitely saying goodbye. He wanted to make it as smooth as possible, but letting her go just like this was never going to be easy. 

“You can send whoever you want to pick up your clothes and everything you need, even yourself if you want” he let her know as they stepped into the front door. “Just for a couple of weeks, or however you think it is necessary, my door is always open if you need anything” he let her know. 

She nodded. “This the last time I will see you, then”  she said, he nodded back. 

“Just until the time is right” he let her know. 

And if it wasn’t right… it would be the last time. 

“Will you… call me or anything?” she asked innocently, fearing this would truly be the last time they would ever see each other. 

Fearing this would only be the start of her worst nightmare. 

“Like I said, I think it would be better if we kept distance” he said, a sad smile showing on his face “but please call me if something happens, anything, for you I will pick up in a second” he said, being sure of every single one of his words. 

It was needless to say that he only meant this for necessary things. She knew she wouldn’t be able to make contact with him like before, what he meant right now was only referred to strictly necessary problems, not just any conversation. He would be there for her, but if it was just a casual thing, he wouldn’t be picking up the phone, she would have to look for someone else to talk to. 

She never thought this would be happening to them. 

“So this is a goodbye” she mumbled “I love you” she said, meaning every single one of her words “and I’m sorry”

His heart broke at the sound of her words. It was not fair that she said that, but he took it, she felt guilty even when she didn’t need to, he couldn’t blame her. This was too sudden, she couldn’t think straight. 

“I love you so much” he said in clear words, walking up to her. “you don’t have to apologize for anything”

She smiled, already stating an answer, she knew that. 

It was a bad habit, apologizing, it seemed to be something she just did as an instinct and he was always reminding her of that. The fact that he was even reminding her of this in such a moment was ironic. 

Taking a step forward, Tom walked up to her and kissed her lips for one last time, not like it was a goodbye, rather than that, he wanted this to be a ‘see you soon’. He placed his lips over hers softly, and making them touch for only a couple seconds, to then slowly step back once it started to feel hard to get away, and before he could get attached, he kept his distance and decided to walk away, go home. Short and sweet, that was the plan. 

He kept walking, trying his best to not look back as he left her behind and made his way out. He wanted this, he reminded himself, it was hard but it was something he had to do. 

Of course, he wouldn’t just leave without making sure she would get inside, safe and sound; that’s why once he was out of sight, he stopped his pace and just waited, waited to hear that door open and her getting in that house, or at least something that told him there was no way something bad could happen to her while he was not looking. If any of that happen he would never forgive himself. 

Part of him expected to hear her cry at the sight of him leaving, but instead, he was surprised when he heard her ring the doorbell straight up. She would get in trouble for that, for sure, but as long as she got in safely, it didn’t matter. 

“Yes?” He heard a quiet masculine voice mutter through the intercom. 

Frank, of course. The only person who could be up at that time and the only one she probably wanted to speak to at the moment. 

“C’est moi (It’s me)” she mumbled through the intercom, speaking in French, only to assure him that it was her indeed. 

Frank was no stranger to the language, he was born in France after all, he grew up with it and he was the one teaching her, after all. It was like their way of communicating, their special connection.  

“It’s so late, are you drunk or something?” He said in a sort of annoyed tone, sounding tired and done with everything. 

“Please Frankie, open up” she whined, holding the tears and barely able to speak. 

“One sec”

The tension was building up quick, he felt so guilty. He guessed this is what it took to take such hard decisions. 

He felt the impulse of leaving at that moment, once he knew she was finally getting in the house. However, he decided it was better to stay until it was just him in that street; something inside of him didn’t let him take another step while she was still there, he wanted to hear whatever was said, but specially, hear her voice one last time.

Only god knew how much he was going to miss her from now on.

The front door opened, she was finally with someone other than him. Someone familiar. 

“Oh Chérie, what happened?” Frank said with worry, once he saw her “Est-ce que ça va? (Are you okay?)” He asked. 

“No” she cried, breaking down in a million pieces “He broke up with me” she mumbled to him, with a broken voice “He left me” 

Hearing her say that stroke him like he never thought it would. He never thought he wold hear those words coming out of her mouth. He left her, he really did and she really believed that. He left her, after all those years together, and he was very sorry. 

The damage was done. He has done what he planned and there was no going back, as difficult as it was, he did what he needed to. 

He got what he wanted. 

Tom Holland was now a free man. 

[elizabethvaughns]

get to know me tag game

tagged by @willowstea. thanks! :) 💙

why did you choose your url?

i've said this before in a previous tag game but. it's from "ain't no man manhattan" from if/then, also known as one of my favorite songs :)

"all of eight point two five million on the run, / a different way for every single one, / all turning and returning, fast and slow. / and we somehow find each other, even so."

i felt these lines were especially beautiful, so yeah :)

any side-blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

yes! @ifthen-headcanons. many popular/semi-popular fandoms have headcanon/incorrect quotes blogs, and i felt that if/then deserved one. so one fine april wednesday, during a particularly boring math class, i decided to make this blog.

how long have you been on tumblr?

i don't actually remember making this account(i probably made it sometime in 2017 or 2018), but i actually started using it sometime in january 2020. i started posting in april 2021.

do you have a queue tag?

yep! #queue don't need to love me.

why did you start your blog in the first place?

why did i start my blog? i genuinely don't remember it's been years.

why did i start posting? well, in march 2021, i watched a recording of if/then and immediately fell in love with it. over the next few days, i started browsing the tumblr tag for it and blogs with it. hilariously enough, i finished the whole tag within two days. over the next month i fell more and more in love with this musical. so much so that i had to get over my parasocial anxiety and post about my appreciation for this musical. things...spiraled from there, and now we're here! :)

why did you choose your icon/pfp?

jackie burns's beth, my beloved(...in hindsight, i may have a small crush on elizabeth vaughn lmao).

why did you choose your header?

my header is a blue-orange gradient. if/then colors--blue-green is the main color scheme of beth-verse and pink-orange is the main color scheme of liz-verse. so, blue-orange.

what's your post with the most notes?

the trina/mendel (falsettos) gif-set i made in honor of may 27th at 8 (30 notes).

how many followers do you have?

18 followers

how many people do you follow?

147 lmaoo

have you made a shitpost?

honestly, 50% of the stuff i make is a shitpost.

how do you feel about the 'you need to reblog this' posts?

...not a big fan. a lot of them are blatantly note bait. some of them are genuinely funny, which i will reblog. if they're meant to spread awareness and have useful links/information, i'll reblog it. but...a lot of it is just reblog bait that feels a lot like guilt-tripping.

do you like tag games?

yes!!! i overshare a lot and i love an invitation to overshare :)) one misgiving i have about it, though, is...i just don't know who to tag! all my mutuals? the one or two mutuals whom i interact with the most frequently? no one?

do you like ask games?

again, another invitation to overshare. except, if your askees have anon on, they won't know it's you (; (;

(i have anon on, if you're nervous like me :))

which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

i...genuinely don't know. sorry :(

do you have a crush on a mutual?

people have crushes on mutuals?

huh.

no, no i don't :)

tagging:

(if you'd rather not be tagged, tell me, please. in converse, if you're okay with being tagged in this, also tell me. it'll spare me a lot of anxiety)

@icouldcrackyourfeet

@miyacantdecide

@yunostar

@pianonotforte

+ any of my other mutuals/followers who want to join in :)

[qqueenofhades]

If anyone is an enabling mood..HI, I AM ALWAYS IN AN ENABLING MOOD, YOU WANT ENABLING? HERE IT IS. I have soft loving enabling tho cos I don't like being mean it makes me sad.

As we all expected, I am very, very easy to enable. Credit to @voidxces for the beautiful and inspiring edit. Mildly smutty bits, hence the full story is below the cut.

Valletta, Malta

December 15, 1999

The customs line at Malta International Airport is long, maddeningly slow-moving, and the one guard stamping passports looks to be about ninety, as Joe shifts from foot to foot and tries to remind himself that they have nothing but time. (Unless, of course, the Y2K nuts are all correct and they’re two short weeks from the end of life as we know it, but if nothing else, living for almost a thousand years means that he has seen countless doomsday prophecies come and go without so much as a whimper.) It was a crappy flight from Paris – overbooked, understaffed, the inevitable screaming child two rows behind them and now determined to keep up the racket in the passport queue – and Joe’s trying not to look as stressed as he feels. This is their getaway for the holidays and the new year, the turn of the millennium, a huge and significant milestone for any number of reasons, and he’ll feel better once they’re out of here. Nobody’s at their best in the cattle corrals and the fluorescent lights of border control, another reminder of how much things have changed over all the years they’ve been coming to Malta. The first time they were here in 1501, all they had to do was sail up, get off the boat, and pay a bribe to the port official. Joe votes they try that now.

The line shuffles forward another inch, the child behind them screams even louder, and as Joe is silently reciting the Bismillah and reminding himself that the Almighty values patience, Nicky turns around. He sizes up the mother – tired-looking, hungry-eyed, apologetically trying to corral the fussy baby and a toddler of about three or four – and smiles gently. “Hello,” he says in English, then glances at her passport and sees that she’s Italian. “Buona sera, signora,” he goes on, not missing a beat. “Hai bisogna di aiuto con qualcosa?”

The tired mother starts, her eyes welling with tears. Joe’s willing to bet that nobody has offered to help her for this entire trip, and has to smile softly to himself that of course Nicky has swooped out of the Maltese night like, well, a knight, her countryman in a time of crisis, to do exactly that. Joe is already feeling better just to watch Nicky be Nicky, as his lover takes hold of the baby, joggles him on his hip and tells him that he’s a handsome fellow and to stop screaming and to give his mama a break, as the mother tends to her toddler, gets herself sorted out, and thanks Nicky profusely in what sounds like Calabrian. Joe’s mostly able to pick out the specific regional accents, and he guesses that this woman is a migrant, one of the workers who travel around Europe in the growing season to pick fruit and vegetables in hot fields under hard bosses who only pay in cash and owe a cut to the Mafia. He takes out his wallet and quietly offers her all the Maltese lira they changed for back in France, and she shakes her head and tries to refuse. He insists – she looks somewhat surprised that he speaks Italian too, but not unduly – and while she won’t take it all, they manage to give her back her baby, some money, and reach the front of the line without actually noticing the rest of the wait. Joe hands over a French passport that reads Joseph Jones. Nicky hands over Nicholas Smith. The guard looks at them, asks a few questions in his quavering old-man voice, stamps the visa pages, and once more, they’re in.

Outside, Joe and Nicky collect their bags, help the woman to the taxi rank and make sure she’s on her way to wherever she’s staying, then go out to catch the bus. Valletta sparkles in the distance as they draw closer, this magnificent collection of fortresses and gardens and churches, domes and spires, palaces and piazzas, museums and terraces, city walls and citadels, Benjamin Disraeli’s city of palaces for gentlemen. The place was largely built by the Knights Hospitaller after their exile from Rhodes and the Great Siege of Malta in 1565, and Joe and Nicky have watched it transform over the centuries, but it has still managed to retain that unique spark of what they love about it. It is familiar, comforting, lovely. If the world is going to end, no better place to be than here.

The bus stops in downtown, they thank the driver in fluent Maltese, and get off, hauling their bags and suitcases. The December evening is cool and misty, fog floating over the cobblestones like elegant wraiths, the streetlamps casting pools of golden glow that look like doorways to another world. They walk casually hand in hand to a corner store that is about to shut up shop for the evening, buy a quick dinner, and then continue up the street. Somewhat appropriately, they are staying in a rented house near St Sebastian’s Bastion, Is-Sur ta' San Bastjan, on the northeastern tip of the Valletta peninsula near Fort Saint Elmo. They know the elderly owner well, who has left the key in the postbox for them, and they unlock the door, ascend the narrow, creaky stairs to the top-floor garret, and find that a small Christmas tree and a plate of imqaret have been left to welcome them. The windows open out over the city wall and the dark, glittering ocean. It is quiet, at last. Just the two of them.

“Finally,” Joe says. He picks up Nicky’s bags when he puts them down, and carries them into the dark bedroom, switching on the lights. They set down their convenience-store repast and eat, affectionately nudging each other’s knees under the too-small table. They’ll do more shopping tomorrow; they will be here at least until January (assuming, of course, no apocalypse). Joe smiles at Nicky, happy to be here, happy to be with him, happy to be sharing this small and unremarkable meal with a soft rain pattering on the steep slanted roof. When they’ve finished and tidied up, Joe murmurs, “Not too tired, are you?”

Nicky answers with a devilish quirk of his eyebrow, as if to say that of course neither of them were actually planning to go to sleep without celebrating their return appropriately. He wraps his arms around Joe’s waist, and they waltz into the bedroom, kicking the door shut behind them and drawing the curtains, sinking down on the amply-sized bed and undressing each other with slow and leisurely care. Even after a thousand, a hundred thousand times, it never fails to thrill. Their mouths meet in the dimness, their hands trace the well-loved lines of the other’s body, the faint scars and lines that never go away even through all the regenerations, the secret places, the curve of lips, the plane of shoulders and spines, the tensed tightness low on stomachs, the bend of a knee or the bone of an ankle. Joe pushes Nicky down beneath him, and Nicky arches his back, wrapping his legs around Joe’s waist. In quiet and tender and timeless communion, they find their way back home again, in each other and with each other, in touches and kisses and slow thrusts turning faster, and finally, sated, they sleep.

They wake in the morning with slants of winter sunlight filling the room, the high white ceilings, the gauzy curtains fluttering in the constant draft that they’ve never found, the way they’ve woken up in this room since they first met the owner in 1973, and which makes Joe think poignantly, as he always does for just an instant, of their lost home in Constantinople. They get up and dress, then leave the house in search of breakfast. The stone of the streets is pink and amber and gold and fawn, and the light has that particular early-morning quality where it seems to shine through sheets of bleached linen. The city is already awake and bustling, and Joe and Nicky make their way to their favorite café. They can sit overlooking the water and eat as much pastry and drink as much coffee as they like, and they make a good several hours of it. The sun comes up over the street, the palm trees rustle in the breeze, and a few tourists wander by with fancy Nikons around their necks, looking lost. One asks in English if they know where the Grandmaster’s Palace is, and Nicky is happy to point them in the right direction.

“You know,” he says, when they have finally finished breakfast and are wandering happily through the baroque streets, hands and shoulders brushing, “it’s 1999. This is our nine-hundredth anniversary, strictly speaking.”

Joe raises an eyebrow at him. “More like our eight hundredth,” he says playfully. “If we’re going from when we actually figured anything out.”

Nicky shrugs, grinning sheepishly, even as both of them fall contemplatively silent. 1099 is a long, long time ago by anybody’s measure. Joe thinks of himself, kneeling in prayer in the Tower of David, the dread whispers that the Franks were coming, the way he can remember parts and pieces and that first death bright as flame, but the rest of it has faded into the soft greyness of endlessly passing time. They did go to Jerusalem earlier this year, in July, since it seemed like the thing to do; there were a lot of First Crusade remembrances going on, some of which they wanted to be associated with and some of which they didn’t. There was a tweed-jacketed history professor who was deeply appreciative of the detailed account that Nicky was able to give on the breach of Jerusalem’s walls (he asked if he had published any articles on the subject, Nicky said hastily that he was just an enthusiastic amateur), and then there were some whackjobs who were trying to inflame religious tensions, as usual, and basically acting like it was a good thing that the heretics got what was coming to them. Lots of Americans with placards. Lots of Israeli secret service and bearded guys who were probably covert Hezbollah. Lots of people who all think they know exactly what the crusade’s legacy means, and which Joe and Nicky couldn’t help but regard warily. Everything seems twisted up these days, poised on the brink. That guy named bin Laden whose pals tried to bomb the World Trade Center in 1993, he’s been talking as usual. Death to the Western crusaders. So on and so forth. Thus far, nobody’s really listening outside the Middle East, but when you’ve seen this so many times, it’s harder to ignore.

Joe shakes himself, not wanting to think about this on their long-awaited getaway. They’ve been in Kosovo on and off this year, even if the last thing any of them really wanted was to go back into the Yugoslavian wars, and Andy and Booker are off to enjoy the last few weeks of the twentieth century elsewhere. Someone like Andy, the turn of a millennium is old hat, but even for as long as they’ve lived, this is Joe and Nicky’s first new set of a thousand years. The Year Two Thousand. Sounds appropriately science-fictiony. How, Joe thinks. How on earth did Yusuf al-Kaysani from Cairo end up here.

That, however, is only incidental to his enjoyment of the rest of the day. They walk on the city walls, they go up to the Grand Harbor and take in the sea view, then to the Barrakka Gardens. Nicky gazes pensively on the monument of remembrance and out over the glittering blue water, as Joe sits down on a bench and watches him. He has always simply enjoyed looking at Nicky, watching him breathe, watching him be, watching the way he leans on the railing and shields his eyes against the sun with the casual, unconsciousness elegance that permeates everything he does. Whether the name is Yusuf al-Kaysani or Joseph Jones or anything else, it doesn’t matter. Even among all the change and clutter of the modern world, this adoration, this soul-deep delight, is the one thing that remains constant.

That is how the next several days pass. Joe and Nicky visit their usual old haunts in Valletta, eat well, make love, and catch up with the apartment’s owner, Ġużepp, who is now in his eighties, has known them for over twenty-five years, and never seen them age a day. He has never asked why. His wife died a long time ago and they never had children, and perhaps he sees them as sons, as a strange but poignant blessing for a lonely old man, two people who clearly love this place as much as he does. He asked them once when they first came here, and Joe wondered if they should just tell him that it was the sixteenth century. Somehow it seems as if Ġużepp might not be surprised.

A few days before Christmas, a storm blows in from the Atlantic just as dust blows in from North Africa, and the world turns silver and ocher and rust and wet, the windows sparkling as if stained in silver nitrate and the streets and domes and splendid churches of Valletta painted in watercolor impressionism on the blurry glass, anything or anyone outside the bedroom barely seeming to exist. Joe and Nicky spend the time productively, which is to say they have so much sex that they can barely walk. They twist into each other, explore and challenge and unstring and repair each other, touch and caress, kiss and lick and suck and mark their territory all over again, leaving no inch of flesh unexplored and no sinful act undone. “You know,” Nicky murmurs, eyes closed, smiling, sweat beading on his brow, hand stroking up the line of Joe’s spine as Joe nips at his neck. “We really are a pair of heretics, aren’t we.”

“Speak for yourself, Nicolò.” Joe leans down to steal another kiss from his lover’s bruised, teeth-marked lips. “Heretics according to who?”

Nicky hums, as if to say he is happy to get into a theological argument at a later date, but can’t be arsed to do so right now. Joe slides down next to him, sliding his hand across Nicky’s chest and stomach, curling lower, as Nicky whines and reflexively tries to pull back. “You’re going to be the death of me.”

Joe laughs, as he always does, pressing a kiss into Nicky’s shoulder and thinking – as he also always does – Allah and all His angels forbid. He has always secretly, shamefully prayed that if that terrible moment came, if one of them lost their immortality first, that it be him. He knows this condemns Nicky to live on without him, but he cannot face the prospect of doing it himself. Dying for good, even after this long, somehow seems easier. At least he’s done that before, often. Living without the other half of his soul, not so much.

The rain clears on Christmas Day, the light is fragile and golden and perfect as heaven, and they call Andy and Booker (Andy’s somewhere in Argentina, Booker is on a beach in Thailand) and wish each other happy holidays. Nicky mixes up a feast, Joe helps (if by that you mean stirring the occasional pot and taking full advantage of Nicky’s “Kiss the Cook” apron) and they open their door and visit with the neighbors who drop in to bring more pastries and Christmas wishes. Ġużepp turns up, they invite him to stay for supper so he won’t be alone, and after the token protests, he agrees. As he is insisting on doing the washing-up, he asks, “How long have you two known each other?”

Joe and Nicky glance at each other. They’re fairly sure that Ġużepp knows they’re a couple, even if they haven’t said so openly, just in case an old Maltese Roman Catholic would prefer to know it implicitly but not have it confirmed. Finally Nicky says, “A very long time.”

“I thought so, somehow.” The old man reaches for a dish towel. “You seem that way. Have you been happy here? All the times you’ve been to Malta, to my house?”

“We’ve been very happy,” Joe assures him. “This place has been special for – for many years. I am Arabic, Nicky is Italian, it is like it was made just for us.”

Ġużepp smiles. “Your families?” he asks. “They are happy with it?”

Joe thinks of his mother, far off and so very long ago, and how Maryam al-Katibi always wanted him to be a better man. How he forgot about time and its passing, and never saw her again after he left. It remains one of the greatest regrets of his life that she never met Nicolò, as he thinks that they would have liked each other very much. But as far as their family goes now –

“Yes,” he says, thinking of Andy and Booker. “Yes, they are.”

“I am glad,” Ġużepp says stoutly. “It is good for a man not to be alone.”

(It is, and both Joe and Nicky have clung to that, and they don’t know now that this is the last time they will see Ġużepp, as he will die before they return here in 2004 when Malta becomes a member of the EU, but on this sweet, poignant night, as time speeds on its passing, as they both reflect on all those many years, and God said that it was good.)

The last week of 1999 and the twentieth century and the second millennium count down to its inevitable end. There aren’t exactly prophets in sandwich boards shrieking on the streets about the end times, though it’s undeniable that there’s a sharp-edged anxiety as Y2K draws closer. On December 31, Joe and Nicky sit on the beach at the famous Blue Lagoon, watching the sun go down over the island of Comino, holding hands. At last Nicky says – half joking, but only half – “If the world does end tonight, I want you to know that you are still the best thing that ever happened to me. Except for that pastry the other day. That was really very divine.”

Joe laughs, takes his hand to his lips and kisses it. “Always, my heart,” he says. “Always.”

The world gets softer and darker, and lights come on over the bay and the archipelago and the boats bobbing at anchor, and Joe thinks that it must be the year 2000 somewhere else, and everything still seems to be fine. He wasn’t really worried, but he knows that fear that the next year might bring with it something too terrible to be gotten around, and that if you could just cling to this moment now when things are all right, they might stay that way forever. Finally he and Nicky get the water taxi back to Valletta, and it’s getting closer and closer to midnight, and they sit down on a bench and count down with the rest of this sliver of the world, all the way into the next stage of forever.

When it becomes plain that the world has not ended, nor indeed does it seem likely to do so, everywhere seems to let out its breath at once. Huge and glorious fireworks thunder in the dark sky over the city, in riots of color and noise and sound, and Joe and Nicky can hear cheering and toasting from what seems like every house in the city. They kiss and then kiss again for good measure, swept along on a tide of jolly and relieved and mildly (or well, considerably) inebriated strangers, an impromptu street party that both of them feel down to their nine-hundred-and-fifty-year-old sinews, the sort of magic that still catches them dead to rights even after so long in this beautiful, stupid, dangerous, exasperating, maddening, heartbreaking, filthy, glorious, transcendent, irreplaceable world. They throw their arms around each other’s necks and gaze deeply into the other’s eyes, as even all the gaiety and festivity and bacchanal falls into nothing, passing over them like waves. “I love you,” Joe says, as he has said it so many times in all the languages he knows. “Ti amo.”

Nicky smiles that smile that makes the world shine, and spins Joe lightly on the spot, and the next thousand years seem, just then, like the greatest blessing that any man has ever had. “I know.”

[askaceattorney]

Dear 91teivos,

Mod Vera: Thanks! Everyone in the world is going through some kind of existential crisis, so it made sense for the AA characters to join the party! (And since it was another follower who gave us the idea, we might just keep that idea in the think that after all...)

Dear dawsongfg,

Mod Vera: No need to apologize! We like to space out letters from specific people a little, but we’ll answer as many as we can!

(Referenced Letter)

Dear Bluedragoncody,

Co-Mod: Don’t worry.  I doubt they’ll have much luck against the Ace Attorney crew, even without the Proto Badger.  They have the ultimate weapon against despair in their arsenal, after all.

...They’re doomed, aren’t they?

I can’t make any promises, but if I ever gain enough skill in the art of animation (which has been a dream of mine for a long time, it turns out), I’ll keep that idea in mind.

Dear skibot99,

Mod Vera: Probably Tumblr bein’ weird. (What else is new?)

Dear sheeeesh,

Mod Vera: Mods get brought on as needed, as you can see with the arrival of Mod Edgeworth! Also, DGS2 is one of the few AA titles I’ve never played, but rest assured. Where there’s a letter, there’s a Mod who can answer it!

Mod Edgeworth: To add to Mod Vera, even if you weren’t accepted during any mod applications, that doesn’t mean you have lost all chances. I applied early January and lost to Mod Vera. Regardless, Co-Mod informed me that, even though I was rejected, he saw my potential and kept me in mind for if I was ever needed. Now, here I am.

Just because you get rejected, that doesn’t mean it’s game over. Show that you have potential and make yourself known by sending letters to us. That is what I did, after being rejected. I made myself known to the mods by sending letters. We do read them and they tell us how much you know the characters and games of AA more than any application. Of course, you must also follow the guidelines. That just goes without saying.

Co-Mod: I think my actual words were something like “Don’t tell anyone, but you were my second choice.”  But yeah, what they said is true -- becoming a Mod here, like many things, may or may not happen to you, but you can definitely increase your chances by waiting patiently and demonstrating your potential.

As for DGS2 letters, I’m afraid those are still off-limits unless you know of a way to play or watch the game in its entirety, translated into English.  I guess I could check to see if the Dai Gyakuten Saiban 2 channel finished translating...

(Translation: Whaaaaaaaaaaaat?!  ...D-Don’t tell me?!)

...Okay, looks like I have some watching to do.  Don’t know how I missed that.

So, uh...  That part in bold was what I was going to say.  Now that both games are finally getting an official English version, all I can say is, hang tight!

(Previous Post)

Dear Inferno again,

Co-Mod: Yeah, I agree.  I was just joking around.  For anyone who didn’t catch it, that was a reference to Sbemail #108.

The event’s technically over, but we’ll answer the rest of the April Fools’ Day letters when they reach the bottom of the queue.  I’m as eager to see Trucy’s reaction to the news (after the stunned silence) as anyone else, after all.

(Video in Letter -- Strong Language Warning)

Dear Ella,

Mod Edgeworth: 

I can’t see the first link and....

How did you find this masterpiece and where can I play this game?

Co-Mod: We don’t check for direct messages on Tumblr, if that’s what you’re referring to, so it wouldn’t have made any difference anyway.  You can always send links in your letters, of course.

(Previous Post)

Dear Inferno,

Mod Edgeworth: That mad lad would be me and thank you. 

I like to put my heart and effort when answering these letters. With this one, I figured you wanted to see Trucy in costume, so I just searched up an image on Google for the Ancient One’s costume, a sprite of Trucy and a bald head to put on her. The rest I photoshopped on GIMP. 

We’re still going through letters from January. Hopefully we will get the rest of yours soon enough.

Mod Edgeworth: Thank you very much. Your support and the others’ support that have liked, commented and reblogged it mean a lot. As you have stated, a majority of the fandom seem to consider him the worst. I’d like to think it’s because how AA had created this villain of a character to be universally hated was pure genius. Not even the Phantom gets this much hate… and that’s saying something.

Unfortunately, I’d like to keep my real identity outside this blog a secret. I write a lot of letters here and I don’t want to break the spell for anyone. Think of it like a Disney theme park. The cast that play the characters will never admit their true identities, outside of family and close friends, to prevent the experience from being ruined. I want to do the same as a Mod. I don’t want to break the spell of writing to your favorite AA characters. This blog had helped me through my tough times and I want to help everyone else as a mod.

However, I will answer your letters and, if you post anything on your account, a mysterious friend I know may linger and give you a like ;)

(Previous Letter)

Dear Ali S. Fakenamington,

Co-Mod: Beautifully so.

(Previous Letter)

Dear Sinyove,

Mod Edgeworth: That letter was made in 2012 before AA5 and AA6, which was WAY before I became a part of the AA fandom. I’m certain a lot of us were not here when this letter was made, except maybe Co-Mod, but you’ll have to speak with him about this. I will say that the mod that answered this is no longer working here... I think. At the very least, I haven’t heard from him.

That being said, AA4 or Apollo Justice was the first AA game I’ve ever played. Despite all of the hate I saw towards that game, I still loved it regardless. Though, having not played the trilogy, playing the tutorial of AJ was a pain in the ass. I remember going to YouTube to find out how to beat it, because it was so hard. I also played it on PC.

I do see where The Mod was coming from. Had the two sequel games never existed, Apollo Justice would have more holes than my brothers’ socks. My only critique is that Phoenix wasn’t any better either with having Mia babysitting him during almost every trial AND investigations. Hell, Phoenix needed Mia to know how to talk to a kid, talk to a perverted old man, almost gave up in most of his trials in the first game and never conducted a trial without Mia until Turnabout Goodbyes when Maya literally couldn’t summon her. For the most part, Apollo was doing fine on his own without Phoenix, with only Trucy assisting him for the two middle trials, only almost giving up once and Phoenix having assisted him during times when Apollo was not in a normal situation (like when the criminal turned out to be his own co-council/mentor or when he had to lead a trial that included the Jury System). That’s more than Phoenix ever did on his own in the first two games and I think Apollo deserves more credit than he got in that letter in my opinion.

For me, Apollo Justice is one of those games you either like or you hate. I love it for what it is. My least favorite AA game would have to be Ace Attorney Investigations, the first game. The second one is my absolute favorite.

Co-Mod: Sadly, I haven’t seen or heard from the Mod in a while, so it may be time for us to declare him MIA again.

Erm...  Sorry, poor choice of words.

I’m fairly certain I wasn’t around 5 years long ago, but I have to say, Capcom did a great job of making Apollo and his story more interesting over time.  He may not be Phoenix, but he certainly carried his legacy forward pretty well, both as an attorney and as an Ace Attorney protagonist.

Now, WHAT ABOUT ATHENA ALREADY!?

Dear BDC,

Co-Mod: It fits like a glove, if you ask me...although it also kind of reminds me of 101 Dalmatians.  And thanks for that bit of info!  I never get tired of watching people enjoying the fun dialogue and plot twists of Ace Attorney, so I might have to look him up.

I’m not sure I feel the same about watching Dahlia’s voice actress, though.  I’m sure she’s a nice person and all, but the thought of hearing that voice for so long...  *shudder*

(Previous Letter)

Dear dawsongfg again,

Co-Mod: I wasn’t trying to say that natural deaths can’t happen in the Ace Attorney universe, just that most deaths aren’t what they seem.  I knew right away that Archie Buff’s death was no accident, for one thing.  Waaaaay too much of a coincidence, know what I mean?

-The Mods