#I almost didn’t draw this bc sick | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

eightballspins · 3 months

Text

SUMMER

pairings : jongseob (p1h) x male reader

warnings : none, but like really pathetic pining and oblivious men not knowing how to act around their crushes (shota is sick and tired of yall)

rating : fluff :D

requested? : yesyesyes!!! thank u 🩵 anon, i don't think you were expecting a full fledged fanfic as a response to your request LMAO so do send in another one if you want a more simple headcanon version of this, i just couldnt help but go a lil crazy LMAO

a/n : strangers to friends to lovers, one of my favorite tropes. jongseob is definitely giving loser pining nerd in this one, but its ok bc hes so cute + this wasn't meant to be this long, but i couldnt help but go a little crazy + i highly suggest listening to the song while reading because it really sets the mood imo (summer by brockhampton)+ i had that ^ seob in mind while writing this btw hes just so heart eyes emoji in that video and i think light brown rlly suits him and gives off the strongest boyfriend vibes

wc : 6.5k+

"in the heat of the summer. yeah, yeah, oh, you know that you should be my boy. oh yes, you know. in the heat of the summer, you're so different from the rest."

jongseob didn’t expect himself to be the type to develop a crush on a first meeting, or more like first glance. but here he was: purposely keeping his head down to not draw too much attention to himself as you walked by him. he was looking down at his phone, swiping in random directions, even looking at the weather app and pretending as if that were interesting. it was really pathetic how shy he became whenever you were near, but that’s just you made him react — so it really wasn’t his fault…

“you’re kim jongseob, right?”

he flinched at your voice, not expecting to hear it call his name out of nowhere. locking his phone, and hoping you didn’t see him stare at the weather for the week, he looked up at you and nodded his head. his mouth went dry and he cleared his throat as an effort to make sure his voice didn’t crack when he spoke to you.

“the teacher told me to find you and let you know i’ll be the one tutoring you for math,” you take the empty seat next to him, pulling out your phone and holding it out to him, “we should exchange contact information so we can talk about when to meet up and what works best for our schedules,”

okay, hold on. everything was moving wayyyy too fast and jongseob still hasn’t blinked once since you started talking to him. it was as if his consciousness left his body. he forced himself to blink and then finally opened his mouth to talk. but you had cut him off, by accident.

“sorry, my name is [name], it’s nice to meet you,”

instinctively, he had bowed his head down and you mimicked the action.

“nice to meet you, i’m jongseob,”

”i know,” a kind smile on your lips almost sent him into a hyperventilating state.

your first meeting with each other ended with him saving your contact in his phone and vice versa, then you departing soon after as you had to go to your own class. that day, shota was wondering why jongseob was so latched onto his phone and staring at it with a blank look on his face.

— in the beginning phases of his crush, jongseob acts really, really reserved and shy. it’s almost as if he doesn’t even want to associate with you with how standoffish he is, but it’s just because he’s eternally scared of embarrassing himself in front of you. in the beginning, he tried brushing off how serious his crush was, thinking it was going to be passing. but when he realized that every night before bed he’d think of you, he knew he was in too deep at that point. it makes him so frustrated that he lets his mind be so filled of you and only you, especially because before you were assigned as his tutor, you’d never even properly spoken to one another. but hopefully now that you two will be forced to talk to one another, jongseob’s skittish and introverted behavior could change a little more…hopefully.

the two of you were sitting in the library, snacks and drinks surrounding you as the two of you were staring at the textbook on the table.

“so, what do you think you struggle with the most?” you kindly asked, pulling out your notebook and pencils from your bag and preparing to start. jongseob blinked at the question, feeling himself blush as he thought of how he struggled with practically everything related to math.

“i think…just everything,” he says honestly, a bashful and embarrassed look on his face. you almost cooed at the cute expression, but stopped yourself.

you didn’t expect jongseob to be so cute. when you had seen him in person the first time, you’d be lying if you said you didn’t think he wasn’t at all attractive. he had soft features and a cute smile, which was enough to make you interested in him. but seeing his equally soft personality was enough to solidify that initial interest.

lucky you for having the teacher pair the two of you up.

“well, to be honest, i struggled a lot too when i was taking his class before,” you confessed honestly, hoping your words would comfort him a little, “but, it’s mainly the way he teaches it that makes it so confusing. so, i think, i can try re-explaining everything to you in a more simple way and hopefully it works that way? does that sound good to you?”

jongseob quickly nods, finding the tone and sound of your voice a comfort and especially persuasive. you could tell him to jump up on the table and do something incredibly embarrassing and he’d probably do it.

yeah, he was in too deep.

“then, let’s start! i’ll set an alarm for a break in twenty minutes?” he nods his head in understanding, feeling unreasonably determined to not let you and your efforts in teaching him go to waste. so he leans forward, mechanical pencil ready in hand and his notebook open to the first blank page.

as you’re explaining things to him, jongseob already feels as if he’s learning more from you in the first ten minutes than he did from his teacher the past couple of weeks. also, he feels himself growing more comfortable, which is a relief. because before he felt as if his cheeks were turning bright red anytime you looked at him, now it was just the tips of his ears (he hopes…). he was able to properly speak to you and make eye contact without completely stuttering through his sentences.

after the entire two hour session, you walked together to the bus stop. jongseob was only accompanying you since he could easily walk home, but he wasn’t about to make you wait alone. plus, he finally felt himself growing comfortable enough and he didn’t want to leave so soon (even if you had just spent the past two hours together).

“so, what do you like to do outside of school?” you ask, sipping your favorite boxed juice as you waited together.

“music,” he answers quickly, correcting himself soon after with, “i like listening to and writing music,”

you blinked in surprise, not taking him as the type and an impressed look was on your face, “wow, that’s really cool. i wish i had a talent like that. do you share your music on any platforms?” you pulled out your phone, as if you were ready for him to show you, but he shakes his head.

“no, just keep them on my computer…i don’t think i want them out, it’s kind of embarrassing,” he scratches the back of his head, cursing the red blush that was definitely rising up his neck.

”i don’t think it is,” you deny, pouting at his self-deprecation, “confidence is the key, jongseob!” you encourage, hitting his shoulder lightly, “if you ever feel comfortable enough, i’d love to hear it some day,”

he blinks at the offer, wondering how to respond to such an invitation. sharing his music with someone is something he deems really intimate, especially since it’s you — the boy he has a raging crush on. but he doesn’t have to think of his response much longer as your bus pulls up to the stop.

“it was nice getting to know you better, jongseob! i look forward to our next meeting,” you smile, bow your head to him, and then board your bus not looking back at him.

he watches the bus leave, his knees going wobbly as he collapses into a crouching position with his head in his hands.

“i’m screwed,” he mutters to himself, shooting up in a second’s notice and running his hand through his hair, “he’s so annoying, i’m really screwed,” he calls you annoying only because he knows that on his walk home and all the moments he spends without seeing you, he’ll just be thinking about you.

he’s in too deep, there’s no way he’ll ever recover from this crush.

— after the first couple of meetings, you and jongseob become much more acquainted than a simple “tutor” and “tutee.” you became close friends, so close that you met shota and now often sit with them during lunch breaks or in any free time. whenever there was an open period, you’d stop by jongseob’s classroom and take a seat next to him and fill the rest of your time together with little chats. shota teases him endlessly on how lovesick he has gotten over the past couple of weeks, but jongseob lets it slide — as long as you’re nowhere near to hear it. shota has known of jongseob’s crush on you for the longest time and deep down he’s genuinely happy for his friend that he was making some progress. before, he’d have to bear with watching jongseob longingly stare at you from afar, so seeing the state you and jongseob were in was incredibly comforting to know his best friend was making some sort of progress,

“jongseobie!” your excited voice makes him look up from his phone and instantly smile. the nickname you had coined for him after a couple of tutoring session makes his heart race so very fast. he loves how it sounds, how you comfortably call him, especially when it’s in that excited tone you just used a second ago. “guess what i got!”

“what?” he says in an instant, looking at you with curiosity as you come to a halt in front of him.

“you’re supposed to guess,” you tease, rolling your eyes at him. you step closer as you wait for his response, but after he stays silent as he tries thinking of what it could be, you could barely hold it in anymore. “i got us tickets to that show you wanted to see!”

from behind your back, you pull out two stubs of paper and jongseob feels his jaw drop. he had mentioned it to you in passing, when you were talking about the music you each liked, one of his favorite, lesser known, artists was going to be playing somewhat nearby. he planned on buying the tickets, but the fact you had remembered and done it yourself was enough to get blood rushing to his cheeks.

“you- how- are you serious?” he asks, looking at the paper tickets as if they were god send.

you nod with a proud smile, showing them off, “i got them as a gift because you’ve been doing really well lately — your teacher even pulled me aside earlier this week to compliment me for how well the lessons have been doing, but it’s really been all you. you’re really smart, and a quick learner, jongseob. so i wanted to appreciate your hard efforts with these!” he blushes at your compliment, too flustered to notice that you were also blushing at how obviously you were gassing him up.

“you bought two?” he asks, wondering if this was what he thought it was. maybe you took the initiative and…

“oh, if you wanted to bring a friend, maybe shota. i don’t think concerts are that fun to go to alone, so i wanted to make sure you could bring someone,” you explain, handing the tickets to him.

before he even stops to think, he’s pushing one back into your hands and saying, “come with me, i wanna go with you.” it sounds more definitive than inviting, but you don’t seem to mind as a wide grin stretches across your face.

“really? you want me to come?”

“of course, i really want you to come with me,” he says with utmost certainty, “the only reason i’m doing well is because of you, i want us to go together,”

you smile and accept the ticket, stepping forward to loop your arm with his, “what should we wear then? tell me, what’s the artist’s vibe,”

jongseob, trying not to hyperfocus on the close contact, replies with a shaky voice, “i’m sure you’d look cool in anything,” he compliments, “don’t think too much about it!”

“but i wanna fit in with the crowd! hey, recommend me some songs so i can understand them more,” you insist, making jongseob pull out his phone to scroll through his playlist. you watch eager, leaning against his shoulder and at his phone screen as he searches. he tries to ignore how close you are and hopes you don’t see the way his hand shakes from the nerves.

what he doesn’t know is that you’re also sneaking looks at him with a smile on your face, basking in the affection you had managed to steal from him. it was flattering to know that jongseob wanted you to come as his “plus one”, but you tried not thinking too deep into it…trying to stop yourself from thinking it was anything like a date. because it wasn’t.

even if you both wished it was.

“here, i’ll send you my playlist,” he says, showing you his spotify on the screen and waiting for your approval. when you hum in response, he copies the link and goes to your messages.

“wait, what’s my contact name on your phone? have you changed it since i put it in?” you ask curiously, seeing something added to the end of your name, like an emoji, that definitely wasn’t there before.

jongseob blinks in stupor before realizing what you were referring to. he hurriedly locks his phone and turns it face down to hide it from you, laughing to play it off.

“what? why? why? what’s my name on your phone?” you tease, trying to reach for it, despite not knowing if he had a passcode or not.

“it’s nothing, it’s nothing,” he says, trying to distract you from that topic of conversation and goes back to the artist you two were going to see, “just make sure you listen to the playlist-”

“but i want to know what my contact is on your phone!” you cut him, laughing as you begin play fighting for the device.

“well, your bus is here so you won’t get to know, sorry,” he says, unfortunately speaking the truth as the familiar bus pulled up to the curb.

“i won’t forget this, jongseobie,” you say in a mock threatening voice, squinting your eyes at him, “you’re gonna show me it tomorrow!!”

“bye, bye, [name]!” he calls out, happily waving to you as the bus takes off in the opposite direction of the school.

he looks down at his phone and unlocking it to show the link of his spotify playlist that was sitting in the textbox, waiting to be sent. he looks up at the top of his screen, smiling softly at the contact name and photo he had saved for you. it was a selfie you had taken on his phone during one of your recent study sessions, showing an incredibly tired 0.5 angle of you, with his head resting on the table being seen in the background. when he was scrolling through his camera roll, he had seen it and immediately made it your profile picture. it was cute to imagine you sneakily taking his phone while he was dozed off, snapping the picture, then setting it back to its original spot.

the words underneath your photo reading as “handsome tutor 𖹭.”

jongseob would have collapsed in embarrassment if you had seen that. he sighed, hit send on the text, and locked his phone to put away in his pocket. he walked home with a smile on his face, thinking about you and the concert you two were going to together.

—

“so it’s a date?” shota asks him, chilling in his seat as jongseob explains to him everything that had went down.

“it’s not a date, shh,” jongseob says, putting his finger to his lips and glaring at shota for saying such a thing so loud.

“it sounds like a date, jongseob,” shota deadpans, not looking impressed, “you two need to get it together, the tension between you two is so suffocating,” the man shivers as if to physically show how unbearable the “tension” was, but jongseob doesn’t pay that any mind.

“it’s not a date because if it were, he would’ve said it was, but it’s not because he didn’t say that,” jongseob quickly explains, wanting to put that discussion to rest.

“okay, then it isn’t a date,” shota forfeits, rolling his eyes at his best friend’s antics.

“yeah, it isn’t…” the man confirms once more, “besides, i don’t even know if he even likes men — have we ever thought about that? he probably just thinks we are good friends, which i can settle for and is the most realistic thing, but still i wish i knew for sure! it kind of sucks not knowing if i even had a chance, y’know?”

“had a chance with who?”

jongseob freezes and shota sputters out a suffocated laugh at the timing.

you were standing right behind him and he didn’t know for how long you were, but he does wish that the ground would swallow him up whole right now.

“earth to jongseobie? hello?” you wave your hand in front of his frozen face, laughing slightly at his expression, “what’s up with him, shota?”

“i don’t know, he’s a weird guy,” the man answers with a shrug, making you laugh at the irony before taking a seat next to him.

“well, anyway! i listened to the playlist you sent me, let me show you some outfit ideas i have for us,”

“us?” jongseob echoes, wondering if he heard right.

”yeah, if we’re going together we might as well should match, right?”

shota looks at the two of you, completely worn out from how oblivious jongseob was and how shamelessly forward you were (whether you were aware of it or not was unknown to shota).

“right, right,” jongseob agrees, leaning in towards you and your phone screen.

“i think you have good style to begin with, so i tried finding something that would suit it. you’re handsome anyway, so anything you wear you’ll be able to pull off,” you ruffle his hair as you compliment him, successfully making him go red in the face.

shota once again wishes his best friend would open his eyes and end this tantalizing process already, hoping you two would just date already.

—

it was the night of the show and you and jongseob agreed to meet at a halfway point. the venue was a little far away, but nothing a pair of headphone and the bus couldn’t handle. you were currently binge listening to the playlist jongseob had sent you — you had been since he’s sent it to you — and were happily humming along to the song playing. if it weren’t for jongseob, you probably would’ve never discovered this artist, who actually suited your tastes a lot.

at the designated stop, you kept an eye out for him, grinning immediately when you locked eyes with him. his usually straight hair was done to be slightly wavy and that subtle change made your eyes falter and heart skip a couple beats. he really was so handsome. his eyes were wide, looking for you and when he finally caught sight of you, an excited smile broke out onto his face and it was so wide his eyes turned into crescents.

he walked over to you, taking the seat beside you and tried to control his excitement.

”how are you?” he asked first, trying to not stare too hard at your outfit and how good you looked. he was slightly envious, how you looked so good in everything you wore and how you naturally pulled off everything you wore. he also took note of how you both were wearing the same color-toned clothes, subtly matching. that only made him smile even wider.

“i’m excited, how about you?” you’re quick to throw the question back at him, smiling so wide it’s infectious.

“i’m really excited, i’m really happy we’re going together,” he says, nodding his head several times as he takes in this reality. if anyone had told him a couple months that he was going to one of his favorite artist’s concert with you of all people, he would’ve laughed in their face. this was all almost completely unbelievable.

“you brought your camera?” you said, motioning to the film camera that was strapped around his body.

“oh, yeah,” he takes it up into his hands, bringing the viewfinder up to his eyes and quickly snapping a photo of you. obviously, after the act was already done, you began complaining about how you weren’t ready.

“retake it, retake it,” you egged on, pushing him slightly back so it wasn’t so close to your face. he obeyed, leaning backwards and bringing his camera back up to his eye.

you smiled, holding the ticket up to your face and proudly showing it off. he smiled softly at how genuinely excited you looked, bringing the camera down from his face after he got the shot.

“your turn,” you say, gently taking the camera from his hands and bringing it up to your eye. “wait, how does this work?”

he chuckles at your question, moving close to show you how it works, nimble fingers pointing at the different parts of the camera, “here, scroll it to the right,” he says, watching you carefully, “and then when it stops, you can take the picture. just press this one,”

you get the gist, afterwards, looking up from the components of the camera and locking eyes with jongseob. you both didn’t realize how close he was until you looked up, making time freeze for a moment as you just sat there and stared at each other.

his brown bangs were slightly covering his eyes, but you were still able to see him so clearly. he really was so breathtaking…

“ready?” you asked after a couple seconds of silence, making him clear his throat and nod.

you pressed your back against the window of the bus as he leaned a little into the aisle so that he was properly spaced out in the shot. he held up his own ticket, pursuing his lips as he slightly smiled at the camera. the corners of your lips quirked up at his cute expression, taking the picture swiftly.

“it sucks we don’t see them right away though,” you comment, handing the film camera back to him.

“we can still take pictures on our phones,” he comforts, pulling out his own and immediately holding it up for a selfie. smiling at the opportunity, you lean close to his person, practically cuddled up to his side.

and even after reaching levels of comfortability with you that he thought was impossible, being physically close to you still flustered him. he liked it though, obviously. he liked you, so any affection you showed him was welcome in his eyes. which is exactly why he didn’t push you away or shift his torso from you. instead he leaned into your side as well, positioning the camera at multiple different angles for you two.

then you took out your own phone, taking pictures for your own camera roll. the last one you took was a silly 0.5 one that the both of you laughed at after seeing the finished product.

“these are cute,” you comment, scrolling through your own, “send me the ones on your phone!”

“okay, okay,” he complies, going to share them straight from his camera roll and sending them to you a couple seconds later. he doesn’t realize it, but his screen is clearly visible to you, meaning you were finally able to see what the contact name he had for you was.

you blushed heavily seeing it, forcing your head to look away to not be caught, trying to force the smile on your face down. instead, you took a comfortable resting spot on his shoulder, feeling a surge of confidence in your actions due to the revealed contact name.

jongseob’s shoulder stiffened at the bold action, but he tried to calm himself down to not ruin the moment. he looked anywhere else but you, not wanting to be caught blushing a deep red if you were to look at him. he didn’t realize you snuck one more photo in, smiling like a fool at your camera as your head rested on his shoulder.

after about a thirty minute bus ride, you finally were at the stop closest to the venue. you pulled the wired headphones from your ear, jongseob passing you the other pair, and both of you hopped off of the bus to walk to the venue.

you both weren’t particularly keen on getting there super early to be close, so the line wasn’t as long as you thought it would’ve been.

“wait, go ahead,” he says, motioning for you to keep walking without him. and you were going to question why, but then saw that he had his camera in his hand and wanted a shot of you walking to the venue, which had the name of the artist plastered in shining lights above the main entrance way.

he joined you in a couple of seconds, jogging up to your side and excitedly walking up to security to be let in.

you and jongseob were near the back of the pit, but since it was a small place, the view you had of the stage wasn’t that bad.

“this is so cool,” you say, stars in your eyes as you take in the environment. jongseob hums beside you, making sure to stick close to you to not lose you in the crowd. his arm hung loosely off of your shoulder, which made you more inclined to slot yourself into his side.

maybe it was the darker atmosphere and the fact you were in a bigger crowd now, where it was easy to hide away, but the both of you had gotten a boost of confidence in lingering touches.

jongseob didn’t think twice in holding you close to him and you weren’t as secretive in stealing glances his way. he didn’t feel as flustered and embarrassed as he usually did, which made him not think twice in committing to being affectionate with you.

he wishes he was like this all the time. capable of holding eye contact with you without looking away after the first five seconds. capable of looking at your eyes then your lips without feeling himself go red in the face immediately. a couple months deep into this crush of his and sometimes he was still acting like he hasn’t been seeing you everyday, as if he was still just admiring you from afar.

meanwhile, you were loving every second of this. seeing jongseob not hesitate in keeping you close and stare at you, it was infectious.

before you knew it, the main act had came onto the stage and now all of your attention was on them. jongseob’s arm left your shoulder to take a couple of pictures with both his phone and film camera, but he still made sure to be close.

the two of you were singing to your hearts’ content, sometimes breaking out into laughter at how horrid your voices sounded. but you were smiling and laughing together and that was all that mattered. the show went on faster than you both had realized and the singer was now announcing that it would be their final song of the night.

when the first chords played throughout the venue, you instinctively held onto jongseob’s hand and squeezed tight because it was the song you were hoping they were going to play. excitedly you looked at him to see his reaction, wondering if he was waiting for this song as well, but when you turned to him, he was already looking at you.

and you were happy you didn’t have the strength to look away because staring into his eyes as the song played in the background felt as if you were in the middle of a romance movie scene. one of those god awful cheesy scenes where the two love interests have the camera spin around them as they slowly lean in to kiss each other, or some other form of major affection. you almost laughed out loud at the idea of that being you and jongseob. not because it was actually humorous, but because it was so outlandish.

there was no way jongseob liked you back like you liked him.

that contact name on his phone was probably just a coincidence…

you swallowed the lump in your throat and forced yourself to look away from his dark eyes, that were pleadingly looking at you, begging for you to do something. the moment your head turned in the other direction, though, jongseob felt a wave of frustration and immense emotion crash down on him.

it wasn’t fair. he wants to kiss you, tell you how badly he’s fallen in love with you. he doesn’t want to keep sneaking glances at you when all he wants to do is stare at you all day long. and with the way the lights are reflecting on you, the fucking song playing in the background, there’s no reasonable way for jongseob to hold himself back.

he’s so frustrated at himself for harboring such strong emotions for you, but he wouldn’t want it any other way.

so he finally grows the courage to reach out and gently cup your face and force you to look back at him. he doesn’t give himself, or you, a second to properly react as he leans forward and smashes his lips against yours. it’s dramatic, desperate, and borderline aggressive, but it’s what he’s feeling — all those times he’s had to hold himself back from making you his. it was all released in this one kiss.

it took a couple of seconds to realize what was happening. and when you did, you could feel him beginning to pull away. squeezing your eyes shut to really bask in the moment, you brought your hand up to the back of his neck and held him in place, finally kissing him back.

the hand that was once resting on your cheek had now fallen to your waist, bringing you in closer to his person. his fingers were squeezing you so tight, as if he were afraid you’d slip away if his grip loosened even the tiniest bit. you were moving in sync with one another, hungry for that affection you were both restraining from each other before. your arms looped around his neck and you could feel him smile into the kiss at the action. it was infectious because now you were two smiling, kissing fools.

after pulling away, the world around you both was so fuzzy, the song playing being the only thing that you could sense as loud and clear. the both of you were panting from such an intense kiss. his arms were wrapped around your lower half while yours lazily hung off of his shoulders.

“[name], i really, really like you,” he says breathless, “even before you spoke to me, i liked you,” it was shocking to learn how long he had been harboring this crush on you, but you didn’t stop him from going on, “i’ve wanted to kiss you like that for so long,”

a weak bout of laughter was shared between you two and jongseob had to force himself to continue on, “please, give me a chance and be my boyfriend, please,”

you played with the hair at the base of his neck, making him shiver at the sensation while you grinned at him.

“you don’t need to beg for it. i’m already yours, jongseob,” you crash into his chest and he breathes a heavy sigh of relief, holding you tight. the two of you stand like that, rocking back and forth and just taking in the final song — that was now apart of one of your fondest memories.

after it was finished, you both pulled away and shared one more long kiss. it wasn’t as desperate as the first, but you could still feel that longing from him as he eagerly deepened it. the only reason why you two had to pull away was because the rest of the crowd was beginning to move and since you were in the back of the pit, you would’ve been in everyone’s way.

jongseob tightly held your hand as he guided you through the crowd, smiling so wide that his cheeks were hurting. the same could be said for you, too, as you followed him wherever he took you. waiting at the same bus stop wasn’t long and the entire time, you were just staring at each other with permanent smiles on each of your faces.

your hands were still intertwined, even as you sat on the bus.

“so wait, you knew who i was already, and liked me, before i even introduced myself to you?” you asked, grinning on his shoulder as you finally had the quiet environment to ask him about all the details. he blushed at the sudden question, using one hand to hide the bottom of his face.

“do we really have to go through this right now?” he asked, feeling incredibly shy at how close your face was to his (as if you weren’t sucking face a couple minutes ago), especially with that mischievous look in your eyes.

“no, we don’t have to, i just want to hear you talk about it.”

“so, you just want to have your ego boosted?” he teased, playing with your fingers as he smiled in amusement. you clasped your hand around his, chuckling and just resting your head on his shoulder. he leaned on the top of your head, wondering how things worked out so well.

it felt like something out of his dreams.

the man of his dreams was nestled into his side after seeing one of his favorite singers. kissing him during one of his favorite songs, finally making him his boyfriend. jongseob couldn’t help but stare out the window with the widest smile on his face.

taking in his surroundings, he cautiously reached for his film camera on his side. he could tell that halfway through your trip back you had fallen asleep so he wanted to be sure not to wake you as he took the photo. it was cheesy, but he wanted to have something to immortalize this night and the memory of it. he’d never forget it, he knew that for sure, but he wanted a physical token of what has happened and the deep meaning of tonight.

after taking pictures to his heart’s content, he simply leaned his head against yours and waited until you both arrived to your bus stop.

— a couple weeks later

“what do you have there?” you ask, rolling over in bed to look over jongseob’s shoulder.

there was no one home at the moment, so you were being as freely affectionate as you wanted. it had been a couple of weeks since the night of the concert and it has been nothing but perfect since. not only were the two of you finally out of school, making it officially summer (jongseob had passed his math final with flying colors, not to your surprise since he really was so smart).

the window was open, letting in the occasional breeze to cool you two off. but the both of you were laying in your bed, shirtless as you tried basking in as much cold air as possible. jongseob had told you he had something to surprise you with, digging through his bag with his back turned to you.

“i made sure to ask for two copies of each one,” he said, pulling out a thick envelope. your arms were wrapped around his waist, resting flat on his bare stomach and softly stroking up and down. he looked at you with a smile, presenting what was inside with an expectant look on his face.

when you finally realized what it was, you detached yourself from his back in a moment’s notice and took the papers into your hands.

“oh my god, jongseobie,” you gasped, taking in all of the photos your boyfriend had captured on his film camera and looking through them in pure excitement, “wait, i didn’t know you took a picture then,” it was the one of when you were sleeping on his shoulder. you smiled at the memory, fondly looking at your boyfriend and leaning in for a quick peck.

“you’re too handsome i had to,” he compliments, knocking his forehead against yours before pulling away.

“thank you, baby, but so are you — i mean, c’mon, look at you,” you squeeze his cheeks quickly while looking through the rest of the photos of the night. the memories were still vivid in your mind, “i like this one a lot,”

it was before you arrived at the venue, when you were riding the bus there. looking at it on a physical copy now, it was so obvious how deep your affections for each other were. jongseob leaning into your body that was unexplainably close to his, a blush on both of your cheeks, as well as wide grins.

“i love you,” he says quietly, kissing the bare skin of your shoulder several times over before resting his cheek against your warm flesh. you smile at the affection, turning back to face him properly.

it slips off of your tongue so fluently at this point, an easy, “i love you too,” directed to him and only him. and now you’re both smiling at each other like idiots.

— jongseob, who has a crush on you for the longest time and doesn’t know how to act on it. the type to ignore it at first, in hopes of it just dying down so he doesn’t have to worry about it since he already has so much on his plate. but once he realizes he’s in too deep, thinking about you in every passing second, he doesn’t fight against his feelings any longer. he’s content just being aware of them, not seeking for more in fear of rejection or ridicule. but once he knows it’s safe for him to show just how deep his adoration and love for you is, he’ll be as unrestricted as possible in showcasing it to you — eager to show you what he had been withholding.

"in the heat of the summer, you're so different from the rest. you know, you know, you know, oh oh. you know that you should be my boy, oh, yes, you know, oh yes, you know"

#jongseob x reader #p1h jongseob x male reader #p1h jongseob x reader #jongseob imagines #male reader #x male reader #kpop idol x male reader #male reader imagines #x reader #kim jongseob x male reader #p1harmony x male reader #p1h x male reader #p1h x reader #p1harmony x reader #p1harmony jongseob x male reader #p1harmony imagines #p1h imagines

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b1mbodoll · 1 year

Note

i am so taerae fat cock enthusiast and i cant stop thinking about taerae stretching you around his cock when youre sleeping beside him 😵‍💫 you already said he wouldn't fit bcs hes so big so you didnt let him fuck you but youre so cute n innocent he cant help pulling your panties to the side and making it fit </3 he would quite literally split you in half fucking you so so good (๑>◡<๑) he would be so deep inside you too! all u can do is lay there and cry! but dont worry he'll press sweet sweet kisses on your face when he's finished emptying his cum in you <3 hopefully you dont get pregnant! youre not on the pill ♡♡♡♡♡

from 🎀 anonie!

also how have you been? i hope todays been treating you well! i caught covid so TT i dont know how active ill be but take care of yourself and be hydrated baby! 🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽

pairings: kim taerae x f! reader

warnings: virgin killer taerae + noncon + blood + anal + gaping + creampies + spit

💌: hi sweetpea im so sorry for the late reply again T_T but thank u for this, im crying !! also i know ur feelin’ better n not sick anymore so stay safe and healthy my love !!! i miss u </3

“fuck this pussy’s so tight,” taerae whispers, trying to bully his thick length into your cunt.

it’s always a struggle working his dick into virgin holes but it’s so worth it when he succeeds, pushing through your hymen and watching the blood leak down his girthy dick. the feeling of your tight walls without a condom in the way making taerae fuck into you harshly, forcing the rest of his length inside of you.

“taerae s-stop!” your voice is strained, pain coursing through you at the intrusion. “’s too big! pull it out please!” your cries do nothing but spur him on, grinding his hips experimentally.

“don’t worry, princess. i’ll make it fit” he grunts, tangling his fingers in your hair and forcing your cheek into the bed as he fucks away your virginity, slick sounds caused by a mixture of your arousal and blood filling the room.

“hurts! it hurts,” you cry, “please stop.” despite your complaints you clench around him so tight and it’s almost like your sweet cunt doesn’t wanna part with his cock, making him grin wickedly.

“you keep sayin’ it hurts but you’re so wet, baby” he teases, pulling out until just the tip is inside of you before thrusting forward quickly, making your breath hitch. “you like the pain, don’t you?” taerae’s so fucking mean it makes you sob pitifully, almost making him ease up.

once you get used to the feeling of his cock punching your cervix you can’t help but moan at the feeling and your sounds don’t go unnoticed by him, his eyes locked on your cunt sucking him in nicely.

“‘m gonna cum!” you exclaim, squeezing your eyes shut because the pleasure is so overwhelming and you can’t stop yourself from meeting his thrusts, high pitched mewls escaping you every now and then.

one of taerae’s hands finds your waist, fingers digging into your soft skin as he chases his release, slamming his hips into yours.

“please, please, please.” you beg, pussy spasming around him when your orgasm hits, tight cunt milking him for all he’s worth, warm cum coating your walls as he empties his balls deep inside your little cunt.

“you’re sick for cumming on my cock after all that cryin’” he sneers, pulling out and using his hands to spread your hole, watching his cum drip out of you. he’s obsessed with how you shamelessy present for him, back arching as he toys with your hole, drawing a sigh of relief from you when he uses two digits to fuck his cum back inside of you.

“aw sweetheart.” coos taerae, “you didn’t think we were done, did you?” his voice is laced with faux sympathy as you try to collect yourself. your brows furrow in confusion at his words, “huh?”

he curls his fingers inside your cunt, cum leaking down his wrist. “finally get the chance t’fuck you ‘n you think ‘m stoppin’ after one round?” his laugh makes you feel dumb, as if you were supposed to know he was going to continue violating your holes.

taerae fists his length with his cum covered hand, the tip prodding at the tight rim of your ass making you jolt. “please don’t!” you shudder, “anything but that, please.” he pushes the head in, groaning deeply because you’re so tight and spits on your hole, watching the saliva trickle between your asscheeks.

“shut the fuck up and take it.” his teeth are clenched, trying not to cum instantly when he pushes in to the hilt. “such a good cumdump f’r me, can’t believe you’ve never been fucked before.” the stretch burns and all you can do is take what he gives you, nearly screaming as you cum just from having your virgin ass fucked by his fat cock.

#♡.signed. sealed. delivered.#♡.the honeypot #♡.sweetheart: 🎀#zb1 #zerobaseone #kim taerae #zb1 x reader #zb1 smut #zerobaseone x reader #zerobaseone smut #kim taerae x reader #kim taerae smut #💌.noncon #💌.anal #💌.creampies #💌.spit #💌.gaping #💌.blood

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christinebloodwrittings · 7 months

Text

Till' death do us apart: Chapter 2.

Pairing: Angel Y/n x Alastor Fandom: Hazbin Hotel Warnings: Blood, violence, harsh language, the v's. Usage of she/her pronouns, bc the character identifies mostly as a woman.

Masterlist –– Last chapter–– Next chapter

Taglist: open...

(Picture taken from Pinterest, creator unknown)

“Hell-born, Sinners, Ladies, Gentlemen, and whatever the fuck you are!” The crowd went wild, every single seat occupied. The lights came on, the referee advancing to the illuminated area, with the microphone in hand and a brilliant attitude.

“Here in our humble ring, I come to offer you an event that, if I say so myself, will be unforgettable. I have to show you fighters whose origin comes from Pentagram City, to the Ring of Sloth, and a last-minute addition, which I will leave for last as the pièce de resistance” hungry roars filled the place once again.

“The time has come, welcome to another night of blood, sweat and tears, please place your bets and remember that if your player loses, you can throw stones at her. May luck be on your side, and may the strength of her fists make you millionaires”.

“I hear this is your first clandestine fight, Ricky?”

“Yeah, I mean, in Greed, this type of things are very recurrent, never been to one myself till’ now, still, to think this isn’t managed by Mammon is crazy”

“Well, we have our own thing going on ‘ere”

“Seems like that, okay, so we begin with our first couple”

“Wanna know what makes my games unique?” his friend nods, sweating.

"Unlike normal boxing, hitting the back of the head or behind the head; kicking, either stepping on, or biting the opponent; holding, trapping or grabbing the opponent's arms, hips or neck are totally legal" he announced with a wicked smile.

“So, your players…”

“Either one of them surrenders and gets killed by the crowd, or they kill each other”

You could hear the screams of the crowd through the weak walls of the dressing room, that and how much the demons were beating each other in the ring. They were going very hard at each other, it seemed.

Bloodlust must’ve been the best show this hell-hole could offer, giving that the day before, there was already word around that a fallen angel was going to fight, naturally, sinners lost their minds for that kind of proposal, tickets sold out almost immediately.

“So doll-face, I need to ask ya' a favor” Jambo walked through the doors, dangling his cigarette around in his hand, “I need you to stall the fight, I know it’s a big opponent, but don´t knock him out so quickly, and maybe let him make you bleed a little” he blew a little smoke in your face, a distorted grin adding to his fat face, as he watched your face, no reaction whatsoever.

“A bigshot is here to watch” he smiled in return of your wit, taking a few steps back as he kept gloating about his efforts, but how much does it really takes to properly advertising bloodshed? “Exactly, a true money maker that sick fucker, so the more pain he sees the more he´ll invest, and you’ll get 20% of what he hands out, plus your wager” you nodded, not really caring how high was your cut, in your current state it was better to have a miserable pay than absolutely nothing.

You’ve spent a few days in intensive training, drawing punches to make it seem like you knew anything at all about boxing, was definitely different than waving your spear and oz around. Truth to be told, elegance and strength didn’t go well until Jambo saw you fight, it resembled a ballet, your body moving gracefully and quickly, while your fists could break the earth in two if you wanted to do so.

He loved that.

You took a deep breath, your fingers anxiously playing with the bandages covering your knuckles, they didn't let you wear the proper gloves, according to Jambo, to ensure the most damage to the recipient, however he agreed to the bandages and pads between the joints of your fingers, keeping thus, a certainty that due to an excess, whether due to adrenaline or the tension of the moment, there would be no easy way for you to break your own fingers.

“It’s time” a demoness broke the silence, you’ve been twenty minutes drifting, instead of warming up, “Thank you, wish me luck” you caught the smug smile she shot while watching you walk out of the room.

The bull-like demon awaited you on the contrary side of the squared circle, your breath caught in your throat, not because one good punch at you from his massive humanity could probably hurt a lot, no, that was a fact, but because you noticed Jambo making signals at you, his eyes looking up, making you search in the raging crowd above you, two demons highly dressed sitting in the golden section, the bigshots, you figured.

After the introductions were adjourned, the bell rang, the demon launched himself at you, fully forward hitting your chest with his elbow. You flew against the ropes, using then to propel yourself, a severe punch to the underside of his chin made him fall back against his back.

Mentally you had counted ten minutes, it was time to put an end to the constant violence, the bull took advantage of the second you took your eyes off of it to spit blood, to grab you by the neck and crash you to the ground, a dull sound accompanied your fall, it echoed through the room, a terrifyingly large crack manifesting beneath your head, shattering the floor of the ring.

Your vision clouded for a few seconds, the demon completely deforming, his figure ended up resembling a corrupted dislike of your brother Michael.

His sharp grin mocked you, “So many years of being the devil's defender. Millennia spent training, watching the world deteriorate, unable to do anything for his creations, simply leading them to their eternal punishment. How does that make you feel, Azrael? Are you letting a godless creature win? Are you really going to abandon everything you've fought for? Yourself, your brothers…” he laughed maniacally, your fists cracked due to your strength.

“Your beloved sinner husband?" he rolled his tongue in a sarcastic way on the word beloved, that is what made you lost it.

The demon saw your black eyes turn into a shiny gold color, the whites going completely black, the darkness taking you down into the deepest of the abyss. Your hands weren’t soft and white but black and sharp, breaking into his muscles, “H-Hey, the fuck are you doing!” the demon let your neck lose, air finally making its way into your lungs, giving you free range to let your voice go free in a guttural way, it made the bull shiver and start praying for his life, desperately pulling on his own skin trapped into your iron grasp.

Saying you saw red was an understatement, with a kick the demon broke free, his blood leaving a trail visible in your distorted vision, for you, he had a smirk and your wings in his hand, waving them in front of you while laughing.

“You…are unworthy of all love” you muttered for yourself, the bull looked around as the crowd demanded you to finish him, then his eyes landed on your darkened face, a cold feeling crawling up his spine. “Death, I beg you, spare my life” he cried, “Pathetic” you uttered, launching yourself at him, full speed, crashing your fist into his skull.

The dust from the already broken floor raised up, covering both of you, “Lay still, don’t move, or you’ll be dead for real” you whispered, canceling the nerves and spine of the demon under your heel.

As soon as the dust cleared everyone’s view, Jambo went ahead, taking the hand of the demon into his hands before cheering into the microphone, “He has no pulse, we have a winner!” he pulled your arm up, clearly happy with the result.

A rose fell on your face out of a sudden. The green stem laced with a black ribbon with three V’s embroidered. You couldn’t care less about it.

After the place was cleared, you found your way into the infirmary. There you found the demon, still froze in your work, which you set him free after a swift move of your fingers. His back rose up violently from the bed, his breathing intense and shaking.

“I am truly sorry” you said as soon as he calmed down a little, seeing that you weren’t angry anymore, “I…I have seen you before, right? when I was…alive”.

“Most likely” I would be lying if you told him you remembered every single soul you meet.

“You are Death, the exorcists sent their master to kill us now?” it didn't surprised you that humans like him had little grasp in the concept of death, they chose to believe in whatever makes them feel safer, but the truth was only one.

“I don’t cause the termination of a life, your kind, and time, does that, I merely am a collector. And the extermination was an unknown term for me, until a few days ago.” Sighing, he took your hand in his, “Figuring that out, caused my fall” he hummed in response to your words.

“Are you against it?” he asked, in complete disbelief.

“I think it is cruel enough making sinners spend the rest of their afterlife among people even worse, hunting each other, so that, on top of it, the best and most sensible solution that they came up with is even more blood, pain and fear, they treated sinners like a vermin that must be eliminated, that is not correct, that is not how heaven should keep things in control” your eyes glowed almost like in the ring, making the demon shiver.

Nonetheless, he caressed your face with a tenderness, that could be considered holy, “Thank you” he starte, “If you hadn’t, they would’ve...” you nodded, offering him a sweet smile, “You may not believe me, but it is truly the least I could do in such a conundrum, I am…glad I stopped when I did”, he laughed and agreed with you.

⚰️ 📻

“Hey doll, come ‘ere” Jambo called you as soon as he saw you coming out of the infirmary.

As you came closer, you noticed two demons in front of him, the air thickened more and more as you got closer.

“This are Vox and Valentino, our main patrons, Overlords of hell” the fancy suited man nodded, his head was rectangular and resembled a television, how odd. “Charmed” you lied, feeling the icks as the taller demon eyed you up and down with a smile on his face, and red drool coming down his chin.

“My, my, what a ravishing creature you are” he had four limbs, one of them grabbed your hand, harshly pulled you close, you mad the mistake od flinching at the touch of his golden claws againt the curve of your waist, his smile widening at it.

“How much you want for her?” Valentino asked, not taking his red gaze off of you, “Name your price, shitbag, we don’t have all day” he urged after getting no response.

“She’s one of my best fighters, there’s no way in hell I’m givin’ her away” being under contract with him gave him that upper hand, him thinking he owned your soul.

But how could you? When there was never a soul to begin with?

“Well that can be arranged” the moth pulled a pink gun, and without even blinking, the deafening sound lead to another, Jambo’s body collapsed, lifeless against the floor, “A real fallen Angel video, will make me rich”.

You made no attempt to move, one of his hands was dangerously close to the hem of your scars, if he touched them, you would probably have to clean his rests off the walls.

“No, thank you” the hand in your back crawled its way up to forcefully lift your chin up, “I don’t think you’re in position to refuse us, perra” another word for bitch, is that the best he could do?

After a few seconds of silence, your laughter echoed in the hall, “Go ahead, you two have not a single speck of dirt about me that I care being spread to the masses, not anyone that I care enough that could easily fall into your hands, and there is no amount of torture you can practice on me that will make me change my mind” you hissed at the incremental of his grasp on you, “So, gentleman, what card will you play against me now?” this time It was Valentino's time to laugh.

“You know~, I just remembered I like to play with my toys before sharing" he licked his lips with his long tongue, moaning in anticipation before finishing his sentence, his lips ghosting yours, "Can't wait to destroy you".

“I can already see the title of the film, 'Exorcist, divine punishment' first of two parts" you felt a sting on the back of your neck, then everything began to spin, dizziness took over you, losing strength, visibility,

"You can do better 'Tino" the TV man sassed, taking a strand of your hair into his claws, admiring how soft it was.

“Shut the fuck up Vox, see you on the other side, preciosa” he purred before you lost all senses.

It all fade to black.

#alastor hazbin hotel #hazbinhotel #hazbin hotel 2024 #hazbin hotel fanart #hazbin lucifer #hazbin angel dust #hazbin alastor #hazbin hotel #valentino x reader #valentino hazbin hotel #the vees #valentino #voxval #valvox #hazbin hotel valentino

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wooahaes · 2 years

Text

sappy

pairing: non-idol!dino x fem!reader [reader has a uterus]

word count: 0.8k~

warnings: menstruation tw! reader is emotional on her period. food mention. no proofreading because im lazy rn babeyyy

daisy’s notes: this is gendered purely because i almost cried while eating dinner bc it was so good. im not even a huge crier. it was just so good :(

Chan was fairly used to the way your emotions fluctuated during your monthly cycle. The part he could never fully get used to was the sight of you crying over... well, the most random things. Your emotions weren’t always “sobs over everything” like you had initially made it out to be, but...

“Oh... Honey, you’re crying again.” He reached out, wiping away your tears. “Is it that good?”

He’d brought you takeout when you asked him to since you’d been craving something from Jun’s restaurant, and you’d warned him that you weren’t going to wait for him to get back from the bathroom (something he was fine with: he knew you hadn’t eaten since lunch and likely needed to take more pain medicine soon). So he walked back in and immediately saw you curled up on the couch with your food in your hand, already tearing up.

You nodded. “Yeah... It’s really, really good, Channie.”

The earnest sound in your voice nearly made him laugh--god, he adored you. He’d seen you cry over a good chocolate bar while on your period and had to keep himself from laughing as he consoled you. His laughter was never coming from a place of mockery, but always endearment. Recounting the stories to Seungkwan and Vernon once made him realize it, before he immediately realized that it was something you might not want out there.

But he had laughed, and came back down with a “God, I love her,” that made him realize just how much of his heart you’d stolen. He immediately apologized and asked for them to not let it slide that he, y’know, slipped up and mentioned you crying over a chocolate bar (or a video of ducklings you’d found) until he knew you’d be fine with that sort of thing.

(Thankfully, you were: you told him you made fun of yourself sometimes for how sensitive you were. You didn’t care if he shared the stories as long as he wasn’t being mean about it.)

“I’m glad you’re enjoying it,” he said, getting out his own meal.

“Jun drew on the container again,” you said a moment later. You pulled the styrofoam down so it covered your food, revealing where he’d drawn a little stick figure kitten and a few flowers--alongside a little message saying ‘hi!’ to you. “It was also really cute--” You sniffled. “We should go see him next time.”

Oh boy.

“Like--he doesn’t have to draw on the container but he always does it for us--” You sniffled again, and Chan could see tears prickling at the corners of your eyes. “You have really sweet friends, Channie--”

And then you were already crying, babbling about how much you appreciated his friends and how they were always so nice to you. You stopped in at a coffee place the other day and Joshua happened to be there, and he offered to buy your drink and chat for a few minutes. And then there was the time Seungkwan brought medicine to both your apartment and his when the two of you were sick, taking a minute to console you since you were upset that you couldn’t make the journey to try and take care of Chan yourself...

Chan ended up laughing at how genuine you were, even when you were crying. He reached out, gently pulling you forward so that he could wipe your tears away again. “God, I love you so much...”

You pulled back, staring at Chan for a moment. “You what?”

Oh. Right. He’d never said it to you yet. Not like that, at least: his “love you”s were always so casual and never felt so committed as this one did.

He smiled nervously. “I love you? You don’t have to say it if you don’t want to, but I really, really love you, and...” He trailed off, unsure of where he was going. “And I think you’re cute even when you’re crying over how nice my friends are. Or good food, or the chocolate bar, or the ducklings--”

You sniffled again.

“Nononono!” He reached out, “Baby, it’s okay, you don’t have to say it if you aren’t ready--It just slipped out and I didn’t want to take it back--”

“I love you, too, you big dork,” you wiped at your own eyes after pushing his hands away. “God, I’m a mess today, aren’t I?”

“But you’re my mess,” he teased, “so I’ll take care of you. We can find a place that delivers dessert--or I can go out and get it!” He scooted closer to you. “Just let me take care of you and you can cry if you need to,” he chuckled. “Okay?”

You shifted so that your shoulder pressed against his. “Okay,” you said after a moment, a little hesitant. “I love you, Chan,” you said again, leaning in to brush your lips against his cheek. “Thank you for taking care of me.”

If you’d let him, he’d take care of you for as long as he lived. He snuggled in, already starting to talk about how his day had gone, about a dog he had seen on his walk home while the two of you grew more comfortable. It might not be easy for you to go through things like this so regularly, but Chan would be there to dry your tears whenever you needed him to.

general taglist: @wonuziex @twancingyunhao

#wooahaes.fic #seventeen imagine #seventeen x reader #seventeen x you #svt x reader #svt imagine #svt x you #dino fluff #seventeen fluff #dino x reader #dino x you #dino imagines #lee chan x you #lee chan x reader #lee chan fluff #lee chan imagines

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mattraeax · 1 year

Text

Stitched

Zoro x Reader [1/?]

WC - 1164

Warnings ↔ mentions abuse (work + additional notes), alcohol (work + additional notes), zoro kinda really sucks ass in this, OOC Luffy (? idk he's serious so to me that counts)

Notes ↔ i debated making this third or first pov but I said fuck it and did second bc it irritates my friend so badly AND bc it helps feedback putting yourself in a situation, excuse the shittiness of it im so out of touch w/ writing anything not genuinely disturbing LMFAO; additional notes/vent at the end I REALLY really need some advice 😭

IF YOU SEE THEY/THEIR WHERE YOU/YOUR IS SUPPOSED TO BE NO YOU DON'T 😁

story under "keep reading as to not clog/give you carpal tunnel <3

It was a cool night out in the Alabasta desert and Ace decided to make up games around the campfire to ease tensions about the war. Everyone was sitting around talking and enjoying themselves, occasionally breaking the peace was Ussop yelling at Luffy to "leave the fire to the fire man please" when he started to “cook his food over here so you all won't take it”.

You were enjoying the chaos, speaking with Nami when they felt a hand on their shoulder. "hey I need to talk to you" Zoro said, practically dragging you behind a pair of boulders some ways away from, the crew. "Why don't you treat me like a priority?" Before you could even look up at the man, he began rapid-firing questions like an interrogation. The two of you had been together for what seemed like forever and he felt you didn't value them. "Why don't you talk to me as much as you talk to Nami or Ace or Ussop? How come you don't ask personal questions about me?" he continued on and on, pouring his heart out. You grabbed Zoro’s hand, leading him to sit on smaller rocks.

"Zoro are you drunk? What's going on?" you asked, but you already knew. Zoro wasn’t a man of face to face confrontation if it didn’t involve violence unless he was at least buzzed. He knew you were concerned and somewhat appreciated it, but he was upset. He continued to stare, waiting for a response. You looked him in the eyes and squeezed his hands gently. "Zoro. My love, I am sincerely sorry I treat you the way I do to where you don't feel like a priority in my life. As you know I’m sick and am almost always asleep or on the verge of it, and barely have the energy to get out of bed, let alone come to find and spend time with you but that’s no excuse. You are truly the most important person in my life and I'm sorry I'm not making you feel as special to me as I know you are.” You sighed, leaning their elbows on their knees, and spoke as softly as possible to avoid further emotional strain. “I don't ask you questions because you tell me everything before I can even think of what to ask. I told you how I feel about you drinking so much. I know you have a lot going on in your head but I’d rather you just talk to me. I hate it when you drink so much Zoro."

He squinted, seemingly trying to make sense of your words. “Y/N I get you're tired all the time but that's no excuse. I always still find time for you when I'm busy and I can't figure out why you won't do the same. I’m not saying all of this to make you feel bad but it's been for months now. I feel like I'm a side piece to you. I don't feel like this relationship is working, sometimes it feels like its all one sided because we barely interact. The way you treat me makes me feel abused by you. Emotionally physically and mentally I am being abused by you and your actions I feel like you just don't care.” Zoro continued on and on, repeating everything in different ways. You, however, were stunned. The love of your life has lost his mind. You blinked once, twice, and stood up. “Zoro. Im going to bed. Please keep your distance from me I need to think some things over.” At the mention of space, he stood up and raised his voice just enough to draw the crew's attention. “You will stay here while we finish our conversation Y/N L/N.”

You turned around in shock at being shouted at, trying to calm yourself before making this any more painful. “Roronoa Zoro, it’s not much of a conversation when all you do is drone on and interrupt me when I answer whatever question you've asked for the nth time in a row. I hate when you don't listen yet demand I change my actions. It’s not my fault you choose to ignore me when I try to speak to you or go to bed not 10 minutes into our alone time everytime. I tell you every time when I don’t feel well enough to hold a regular conversation or when I’m exhausted beyond belief but you’re so dense you think I’m lying. You can’t figure out why I don’t communicate before you only think of yourself Zoro! You do not dictate what I do or when I speak with you. Leave me alone for now Zoro.” Everyone could have sworn the desert had never been quieter. Y/N was high on adrenaline, remembering why you loathe alcohol. In a heartbeat, Zoro was in their face, bent down at eye level. “You need to do better Y/N. I lov- well maybe not that word, that's too strong but I do like you a lot. I want to make this work with you. Get it together.” he gritted through his teeth. That was your last straw. Eerily calm, you backed up, muttered a very soft “okay” and walked back to the temporary base. Everyone looked extremely uncomfortable and sympathetic for them, as they had nosely listened to overheard everything. You picked up your sleeping bag and a spare piece of wood, walking up to Ace. “Hey I'm sorry to bother you but can you light this? Don't wanna ruin your lovely blaze here.” you weakly chuckled, gesturing to the fire.

He nodded, trying to make eye contact but failing as they looked away quickly. As they walked away from the group, Luffy approached them, slightly startling you. “Sorry didn't mean to scare you. Are you okay? Do you need anything?” he asked rather seriously, a rare but much-appreciated sight for them. You turned to your captain and the crew. “Please keep your swordsman away from me for a while. I may actually end up killing him if he’s anywhere around me.” Your tone set everyone on edge. Seeing everyone nod and affirm the favor, you slouched, finally relieved to be away from him. Between the flashbacks and the headrush of shouting, you finally felt safe. You felt your body grow weak and hit the sand. Luffy reached out to you but he was waved off. “I’m alright Luffy. Goodnight everyone, I'll be 56 paces this way when yall are ready to get going in the morning.” pointing over your shoulder, diagonal to where your “conversation” with Zoro took place for as much distance as possible. As you walked and set up for the night you couldn’t help but cry, remembering that any and every time alcohol was involved it was a disappointment. You wondered if you were the catalyst for everyone’s drinking habits as you finally got to sleep, absolutely dreading the morning.

↪

BASED ON A TRUE STORY (◎﹏◎) oh my god my partner (idek what to call him now I ain't spoke to him in bout a week n a half dog) called me drunk and called me all types of manipulative n abusive for not communicating enough (im chronically ill and the heat is NOT helping, he knows this) and called our relationship a situationship so that's always wonderful to hear. every line from zoro is either exactly or summed up what this mf said to me and oh my god I really just don't know what to do, I'm not sure if i wanna make it work or not

close friend said its manipulative as fuck n i need to get out bc every fight we've been in has been bc he forgot I said/told him something and he flipped it to me not communicating, I can see it but FUCK why is leaving so hard

#roronoa zoro #rae rites #zoro x reader #one peice #slight angst #zoro x you #one piece x you

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cacophony-eg · 1 year

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Apologies to my readers and mutuals for not being very active for the last couple of months.

Abridge Summary: Since summer I’ve been dealing with wildfire scares, soon fallowed by personal health struggles, so I haven’t been in the best mental/creative state…

Now that the rain has returned and my health is on the mend, I’m eager to get back into writing my fanfics and drawing fan art again. I’m going to try and get the next part to Moon Knight and Sun King done by the end of the weekend, though it will be shorter than I originally planned I really want to get something posted for my readers, as many of you have been so patient and supportive I really wanna give something back as thanks. =3

If you wish to know more, I’ll put a more detailed explanation under read more:

I’ve touched very briefly on here that I live in BC Canada and the wildfires that swallowed up most of the province during this last summer. (I’m not sure how many people are aware of how bad the fires were here, if interest I’m sure a google search or even a search on Tumblr will give a quick idea of what state of thing here were like.)

First I want to say that I’m lucky and very grateful, I didn’t loose my home during the fires unlike many other people… I know I just said I would go into more detail here but as I was trying to write about my experiences and stresses. It felt hallow compared to people who’ve lost their homes, or work place, or other important close to their heart thing, to the fires. So I’ll just say Rain has returned and the fires are gone now, and even though it doesn’t magically bring back what the fires took, the rain does feel like a welcomed relief.

In regards to my health for the last few months I’ve been struggling with long haul C-19 symptoms. (Sadly around the time I contracted C-19 it overlayed with the fires so the smoke didn’t do my capabilities to breathe any favours). It’s felt like a domino effect as my struggles with breathing, led to me having struggle with sleeping, the lack of sleep then caused my heighten anxieties to be extra sensitive. There were times my mind was in such a fog that I thought of something that trigger me into having an anxiety attack that triggered me to go into a coughing fit and when I was done with the coughing fit, I couldn’t even remember what I was thinking about before the coughing fit! I would like to say this only happened a few times, but sadly for almost two weeks that’s just the vicious cycle my brain and body was in.

But again I’m lucky and I’m grateful, as I have wonderful housemates that helped take care of me, and so glad that my main job has great remote options that allowed me to (somewhat) keep working and more importantly keep getting paid while I was sick. (Though in truth my work days were mostly me working for maybe an hour or two, before crashing and then trying to do more work for a couple more hours before crashing again/getting an aura migraine rendering me unable to work till it passed. Very slowly getting tasks done as I went.)

Basically for the last few months I’ve been struggling to function enough to do what I need to do to survive and had no energy to do much else, but I am getting better, slowly but surely. I’m going to do my best to keep working on my creative projects such as my fanfics and fan art, but it’s going to be slow going as I’ve fallen behind on a lot in my life that needs to be caught up on as well.

For now I just want to say thanks for taking the time to read this and I hope to make more for all of you to enjoy soon. ^-^

#mentions #wildfires #covid 19 #mentions wildfires #mentions covid 19 #long haul covid #personal stuff #probably delete later

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samuraisharkie · 5 months

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due to Life Shit I kind of stopped drawing much about a year or two after I graduated high school bc I just kind of didn’t have the time or mental/emotional/physical capacity to fit it in, despite art being something I really want to be a part of my career. It kind of makes me sick to realize how much muscle memory I lost just from that time (I had only about a year and a half total of absolutely no art but that was enough. doesn’t help that during that time I seriously injured my hands) considering I’ve been drawing my entire life. I really wish things had not gone that way and that I could have kept going, but expectations were on me to do something else and any time I sat down to draw was treated as wasting time. There’s also something weird about recovering from severe trauma that kind of adjusts how you engage with a hobby you used as a coping mechanism, which Art very much was. I almost never drew vent art, but I used it to focus on something and make myself happy and proud of work I actually could do, and once I was out of the environments that funneled me into drawing (being forced to go to church, school, anything involving sitting down for a long period of time) I found less time to actually have an excuse. Someone bought me a single college course of art classes right out of high school, and I think that was where I COULD have had the opportunity to really get started if I had actually had the money to continue and the college hadn’t been so far away. After that course ended I didn’t have that excuse anymore. I used to draw in DeviantArt and Discord art groups, but those began to fall apart and soon I didn’t have that option either. After that I doodled but didn’t really create Full Pieces unless some friend asked it of me, and it was never a commission bc I’d never trained myself to get that sort of shit done without taking too long, so I’d always do it for free. So even that wasn’t a big motivator eventually. Now that I’m struggling for work after becoming more physically disabled after COVID, all that time I could have spent honing my art skills so I could do SOMETHING with my art really is weighting down on me. I have the option to do freelance work, illustrations, pet commissions, even things like cards and cookies. I’ve seen these avenues open up for me gradually, but I’ve lost the skills I built up that I need to actually make something I’m proud of. I’ve taken to tracing old art to try and remember my thought process and my “style”… but my memory was bad BEFORE the covid, and it’s worse now, and my brain fog makes it hard to focus even if I could get back on the train of thought. I don’t remember the construction that would be in my mind’s eye. I barely can keep a clear vision in my mind’s eye anymore, worryingly. I never had a crystal clear imagination, it was always sort of abstract, but I could see the lines, I could construct a scene. Now I have to focus hard to get any sort of detail clear in my head. It’s like if you tried to look directly into someone’s face in a dream, or put in a prompt in neural blender. So I have to adjust to performing the entire thought process physically, slowly and tediously trying to figure out what I’m imagining before I can really get started. Those old art tutorials for constructing shapes and bodies and such just aren’t coming naturally anymore so I have to dredge deep into my mind to remember which advice helped “click” the best and knowing it might not do it this second time around. It’s like if you forgot how to ride a bike. It was something natural to you, you could even get started haphazardly and distracted and still be able to tell where you were going and not fall over or trip on yourself, but now it’s like you have to focus on each step and it constantly feels like it’s taking everything you have to not crash. I’m glad I can start drawing again, but it hurts that something so huge in my life has been turned into this. I’ve ranted about it before it’s just easier to notice when you’re not sketching out people’s pets or doing super stylized doodles.

#I didn’t know you could max out a ‘text block’ on tumblr also. my indication to stop LOL #long post #vent #kind of. I’m not like super angsty abt it I’m just sad that I have to spend more time remembering #instead of actually accomplishing anything with my dreams. I’m 26 and there’s 18 year olds living my fucking dream yknow #I know you don’t have a certain age requirement for art but I also know you never stop improving #and being set back before I was even proud enough to set prices for my work is kind of devastating #I just love art. I want to be an animator or something involve with creative concepts.#I want to make things I’m proud of. but what used to come easily now feels like chewing nails #the metal ones not the cartilidge. anyway #I know I’m kind of hard on myself but it’s hard not to be when you’re surrounded by people with such talent #and it feels like you’re running behind when you see people getting to their dreams so much sooner than you.#I know it’ll happen but it hurts sometimes remembering what I used to imagine id be doing at this age #and realizing past me probably had more of a chance at these careers than I do right now bc of brain damage and physical and mental issues #it’s not confirmed if I have brain damage but like. I can tell something is different.#it’s not like they’d be able to diagnose it by now or even that it’d change anything #I just have to keep going and keep trying. it’s just discouraging and frustrating #I wish I could summon all the memories from my brain back up so I could feel happier about my art #I’m happy to have the chance to start drawing again don’t get me wrong. I still like to draw. it’s just.#I can tell the difference between how it was and how it is now and it makes me mourn #ough I wish I still had a therapist lmao. Deb get the fuck back here you traitor.

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trail-to-oklahoma · 2 years

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regressuary 2023

it approaches besties.

i have not finished a single fic yet, but i figure i can share my plans for this year with y’all. (plus my prompt lists from previous years if you want: )

i’m not necessarily doing a prompt list this year, i wanna do themed (kind of) weeks. this also is not all finished and i may actually end up changing things when it’s time to actually write but here anyway. and as always, i may or may not write something for everyday, it really depends on my brain. anyway:

week 1: aus

vampire au

coffee shop/bakery

rent-a-cg

apocalypse/post apocalypse

littles are known

band/music

youtuber/twitch streamer

week 2: death (:

literally that’s it. just someone dies. the little, a caregiver, a friend, a stranger, whoever i feel like tormenting at the moment ❤️

week 3: outings

beach

movies

restaurant

playground

amusement park

bookstore

aquarium/zoo

week 4: ig this one is more actual prompts bc i couldn’t think of another theme

character a + b are talking, say the same thing, a (little) says jinx and now character b (cg) can’t talk until someone says their name. chaos

characters a and b have to go out, a refuses to go out without their blanket. they end up doing errands with a wrapped in a blanket

character a gets frustrated with their homework/work while big, tears it up, then cries. b promises to help them fix it when they’re big again, but for now, let’s just draw

character a draws a picture of a stuffed animal they want b to make them (sewing, crochet, whatever)

character a is sick and has to take medicine, but doesn’t want to. b tricks them into taking it by putting it in their juice.

character a wants to play a board game. b wins and a is very pouty, so b tells them they’ll play with their non dominant hand and let’s a win

character a gets lost in the toy store. b finds them asleep on a giant teddy bear

feel free to write with any prompts you want, from this year or previous years. good luck to those of y’all doing regressuary this year, i am already stressed ❤️

also happy new year

#regressuary #writing #agere writing

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xamaxenta · 2 years

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Prince Marco and his knight for hire Ace bc I wanna swap the usual of Prince Ace and knight Marco

Marco didn’t want any of the stuffy royal knights to accompany him, they’d only clip his wings and make the trip absolutely no fun at all

The trip to meet his intended betrothed that is

So he puts out an anonymous call for any blade for hire to see if they would be willing to protect a civilian for the next several moons, they’d be travelling light and discreetly

After a long and careful screening process, Marco selects a man with the title Firefist, wanting to at least meet his companion before their journey and at least learn his name, Marco ends up in the shadier side of the kingdown with shadow surveillance tagging along behind to ensure they didn’t try anything

Firefist is much younger than he had originally expected, unmasked, unlike Marco himself which was also a surprise, for obvious reasons he’s covered himself up.

“Well for starters I can easily see why you’d like to hire a wandering blade, your highness.” Firefist drawls out from the dark corner they’ve found themselves in.

Stiffening up in mild surprise, Marco peers at the youth shadowed across the table from him.

“How so?“ His curiosity wins over and Firefist tilts his head, dark hair draping over his face as he pretends to think over his question.

“Your royal guard is poorly trained in concealment.” Firefist replies without negative inflection, his tone factual and without arrogance. Marco tries very hard not to glance around at said guards positions, doing so would only confirm their locations.

“And how do you know this?“ Marco decides to play into the conversation.

“My observation skill is keener than most.” Is all Firefist has to say on the matter, he then reaches into his pockets and tugs out the crumpled notice Marco had posted around the city.

“Let’s talk business. I won’t lie, I have a younger brother that I’d kill and be killed for, he’s sick and his particular malady is hard to cure.” Firefist sits back in his chair and crosses his arms, almost defensively.

“State your price.” Marco says automatically, and maybe the treasury will berate him for not drawing up some kind of contract. Clearly Firefist seems to agree if the slightly mocking smile that slips onto his face is any indicator.

“Are you sure you’d like to do this by ear? What if I say everything you’ve got in the royal bank, your highness?“ Firefist challenges, his voice pitching lower with his amusement.

“You wouldn’t, you’re not that kind of person,” Marco responds mildly, and its his turn to be faintly amused at the way Firefist falls silent, mulling over the implication.

“You’re far different than who I expected you to be.” Firefist eventually speaks up after a moment of quiet between them, taps his finger against the notice, “—knew this was nobility shit the moment I read it.”

“So why did you agree to meet me if you knew it was nobility shit?“ Marco queries, now fully engaged in this mysterious situation he’s found himself in, he hopes, he really does that he can hire this man.

“I was curious. See what kinda snob wanted a commoner’s blade to watch their back. Surprised it was you though.” Firefist indulges him, relaxing a fraction, something Marco was relieved to see.

“Well, like you said it seems my guard have some extra training to attend to, this is why I’m looking for someone with real world experience.” Marco hates to throw his personal knights under the hypothetical horse carriage, but none of them have ever actually seen combat, let alone needed to defend him properly. Naturally, he doesn’t doubt their skill and professionalism but with the growing unrest between their neighbouring kingdoms, Marco would prefer someone who currently walks down these treacherous roads.

“Flattery will get you nowhere. Your coin however, will.” Firefist murmurs and despite his words is clearly won over by said flattery, “—you said state my cost to protect you? Save my little brother.”

The wandering blade leans across the table, right into Marco’s space, he smells of charred wood, iron and something distinctly magical, “Tell me your highness, can you put a price on someone’s life?”

“I cannot. But I agree to these terms. Your brother will be under the care of the greatest attending physicians we can offer.” Marco promises, and this seems to please Firefist.

“Then we have a deal—“ he starts when Marco cuts him off quickly.

“Not yet.”

“Hm?” Firefist squints at him from within the gloom, the silver of his eyes bright and calculating.

“You’ve forgotten my terms within this deal. Your name, if you’re happy to divulge it.” Marco hates that he’s been desperate to know for the entire time they’ve been talking.

“Is that all?“ The rogue laughs, snaps his fingers and a droplet of the warmest sun shines within the space between his fore finger and thumb, highlighting his face properly with golden, orange light.

“Portgas D Ace, your highness,”

#MAS #yes Marco’s betrothed is Sabo #and Marco falls in love with Ace on their journey to meet Sabo #and then Marco realises oh Sabo doesnt want to be married #but Sabo still falls in love anyway #Ace loves Marco and thinks he shouldnt get between royals haha

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found--family · 1 year

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i finally finished Bridgewater season 2!

(i know i'm way behind but i was listening on my drive to and from work but then i lost my job and suddenly listening at home felt weird but i binged the last handful of eps this long weekend so now i wanna share some thoughts..)

best finale bits:

- realising francine was spn alumn/battlestar galactica's tricia helfer (wish I'd realised this sooner bc i think i would've enjoyed her character more)

- jeremy becoming an unexpected father to a time travelling kid he spent the whole season vocally not giving a shit about (serious s13!grieving!dean vibes here)

- the setup for season 3! would love to get some pov from folks in the fae realm!

best s2 bits:

- aside from misha, soni has been my fave thing about this series (his voice acting is So Good) and this season we got more vippin and more of him interacting with other characters!

- learning more about jeremy: he visited fairyland as a kid! he was a teen wiccan! he just wants a friend! he's happy without a partner and kids! (the phonecall to his british colleague was a fave scene)

- peyton! wish we'd gotten more of her, hope she returns next season.

- more hillary! she's not in it much but we got a few long scenes with her and it was great to hear her flex her voice acting chops.

- tudyk! i was sceptical at first (i'd really been looking forward to fillion) but he was stellar. his distinct voice is perfect for voice acting and his vocal control and timing was really superb. his and misha's scenes were a highlight but there were also a few delightful and emotional scenes with other characters (including a makeover!)

- MONSTERS. one of the huge draws of this podcast for me was the supernatural element. this season had a bunch of different creatures appear and there were mentions of way more that had me googling and learning so much (yay fic fodder!)

a few s2 cons (imho):

- this season is a lot compared to season 1. more characters, more plot, more at stake. it was hard to keep up with what was going on specifically with all the fae stuff. i had to relisten to numerous scenes multiple times to grasp what was happening.

- it kinda feels like season 1 was written not knowing how everything would play out bc all the fae stuff feels shoehorned into the relevant parts of the s1 narrative. they make it work but some explanations seemed like a bit of a stretch.

- as much as i love her on-screen, i didn't really enjoy helfer in this. i don't know whether it's because i found her character annoying from the jump or if it was her vocal style being a little too overdramatic and on the nose (that could've been a director's decision in which case it makes sense, but i really didn't enjoy her personality as the legend tripper or her almost comical portrayal as fae)

- the finale was a lot of exposition, and it got very convoluted with different characters wanting to sacrifice themselves over each other, and the whole fae deal thing was still unclear and confusing despite being explained. tbh i was bored for most of it.

- the first 19 minutes of the finale was an uninterrupted convo between jeremy and francine. that's too long, it's half the damn episode. and francine was doing most of the talking (almost monologuing) and since she's the badguy of the season it felt like a poor choice (or maybe that's just my bias for not liking her portrayal?)

- anne and thomas going through the portal made total sense and I'm glad that's what happened bc thomas was sick and anne had missed her life BUT that made all the arguments over who should go that much more pointless. the arguments felt like filler, going round in circles with people ignoring each other's sound reasoning.

- there were quite a few noticeable editing mistakes this season: chopped dialogue poorly stitched together, misspoken words, and dead air that did nothing to set the tone but instead felt like they hadn't bothered fixing.

closing thoughts:

i preferred the mystery of season 1. this season was a lot of focus on the how's and why's of all the monster and fae stuff with character studies crammed between, whereas season 1 was more concise in the investigation and character focus and there was always room to wonder what was going on (i preferred that) but there was also room for the narrative to breathe; season 2 is crowded. it's a lot of fast dialogue and info dumping, a lot of characters - some interesting, some annoying, a few pointless. I'd listen again for clarity and enjoyment of particular scenes and dynamics, but more often than not i found myself confused, left with more questions than answers, and therefore not being able to enjoy the journey. there were definite high points, including the many monster cameos, but it lost that eery feel that season 1 did so well; this season felt like multiple genres rolled into one with all of them fighting for dominance - horror, fantasy, drama, mystery - whereas season 1 melded themes and genres effortlessly. season 2 also didn't have the emotional chords that season 1 played so beautifully (I'm looking at you, emotional jeremy realising his whole life was a lie) the finale should've been a tear-jerker, it wasn't.

it's always hard to follow the success of a first season, especially when the second decides to explain all the mysteries season 1 set up - and given how season 1 ended there was a lot that needed explaining. unfortunately (for me) the story felt caught up in the details and yet it explained things without explaining things leaving me wanting for clarity that never came. often it didn't bother setting the tone (or an intriguing tone) and more characters meant less misha which is always disheartening.

i'm looking forward to season 3 with papa!jeremy(?) and fae realm content (I'd love more fae) i just hope they can recapture the thematic feel of season 1 (it can be a different vibe but it has to permeate the narrative) and refocus on our main folk (jeremy, vippin, anne, thomas, olivia) instead of introducing too many new characters and elements that will steal more scene time.

#Bridgewater #thoughts #spoilers #honest review

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russilton · 2 years

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5 Drinks to Get to Know Me

Tagged by @formationlaps , thanks Ally!

Apple juice - I don’t drink Carbonated drinks, nor do I drink alcohol, and I don’t generally love most heated drinks, so I usually end up with apple juice at any party, restaurant or bar. At my freshers drink and draw I used my free drink coupon for an entire pint of apple juice I sipped like a beer through the evening, and I’ll never forget the bartenders face when I asked for it. Yeah I could get water but spring water makes me feel sort of sick. I blame the hard water I grew up with turning my blood to limestone.

Iced Caramel Latte/Caramel Coffee Frappe - my go to coffee order, really any sweet iced coffee works but caramel is my favourite. I will order iced drinks in the summer, and the winter, the rain or the sun. I haven’t drunk hot coffee in years and I don’t really miss it, it needed far too much sugar to make it palatable and while I prefer a sweet iced coffee, I don’t need as much. I’m also just, always hot, always. If I’m cold something is wrong, and so you will catch me with a massive iced coffee at any time I can afford to have one.

Innocent’s ‘bolt from the blue’ - it’s such a weird drink but if I’m getting a meal deal I always grab one because they’re so good, it’s also violently blue. I’m under no false assumption that it’s as good for you as the adverts are trying to make you believe it is, but it’s tart and fresh and come on- it’s blue! I love blue, and it sates my desire for blue raspberry slushies because those sure are worse for me.

Milk - Yes, straight milk, particularly whole milk. Fuck you it is good. My bones are strong and I’m autistic I only have like 7 drinks at all just let me have this. I am also brothering in powdered milkshake drinks, of the nesquik variety. I honestly prefer it to milkshakes made with icecream (though those are awesome). Also alpro soy chocolate milk, which is soy not milk sure but it’s pretending it’s milk and it’s awesome.

Canned coffee - it’s convenient, it’s cold, it’s almost always presweetned. Canned or bottled or boxed coffee, it’s all good. I try to grab them whenever I’m in a store bc it’s just my happy drink, and if I’m going to travel in the early morning I like having one with me. Skinny, mocha, latte, macchiato, cappuccino, caramel, oat milk, almond milk, I’ve not found a canned coffee I didn’t like. I try to steer to glass or canned for single use recyclable reasons. When I figure out how to make coffee at home that tastes as nice as the pre-made stuff, I will, but I’m terrible at making coffee.

Tagging: @thatsmemate @hamiltvn @ilikecarsandlike4people @hendrikjohannesnicasius @robholdingprotocol

#tag games #mark rambles #personal

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astererer · 2 years

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Aster has a slightly updated design and some extra details available :))

info below the cut bc lmao it’s a bit lengthy xx

Voiceclaim: Harriet Wheeler (lead singer of The Sundays)

Born into a family of flying taxi cabbies, like there’s at least one person every generation who grows up to be one — family has a tradition of each child receiving a Rookidee as their first pokemon when they’re around 5 years old, part so if they too join the family line of work they have a partner they trust and know inside and out, but mostly to ensure the kids in the family are used to being around pokemon and learn to treat them with respect from a young age. The gifted Rookidee is also the offspring of the parent’s Corviknight — Aster’s family values their ties and connections to one another and having your first pokemon being connected to your parent’s first pokemon? It’s a nice sentiment.

Used to be almost painfully shy as a child — while very talkative around family and more than comfortable hanging out with pokemon, whether her own or wild ones, Aster struggled with interacting with other people to the point that she dropped out of her initial gym challenge attempt at age 12, after winning a single gym badge. Not wanting to give up entirely, she spent a few years working on her confidence and tried again when she was 14, still riddled with anxieties but more mentally prepared and armed with coping strategies for if she started to feel overwhelmed. Was known for avoiding and running away from post match interviews.

Mostly took part in the gym challenge because she wanted the cash prize that comes with each victory, but as things progressed she found she really enjoyed battling for the sake of it. Originally had absolutely zero intention of reaching the finals and facing Leon, just to get all 8 gym badges then drop out and use the money gained to go travelling. Once she got her 8th badge, however, Aster did want to see just how far she could go within the league and somehow ended up facing Leon. And won. It was close, like virtually a draw, but a victory is a victory so she got crowned champion of Galar.

(Aster at 14 years old)

Then within 2 weeks she quit. Up and left. Packed her bags and ran away to travel (which was her original plan anyway). No notice to the league itself, Aster simply went home, informed her family that she couldn’t handle being in a role she didn’t really want in the first place, and disappeared off to Kalos. Turns out there’s a lot of pressure that comes with being a reigning champion, both in a business sense and due to everyone in the region knowing who you are, making it impossible to go anywhere without being hounded by strangers, and aster was like “I cannot fucking deal with this. Bye.”

Her disappearance resulted in a bit of a media frenzy for a few weeks, and when it became clear that Aster was not returning, Leon got his position as champion reinstated. Chairman Rose worked very hard to sweep everything under the rug to minimise any scandals/tabloid gossip, and decided it would be better to release a statement that she had voluntarily relinquished the title due to poor health, rather than the truth that she had simply ran away. Aster’s family weren’t too pleased with this, while grateful Rose ensured they would no longer be hounded by journalists, they now had to deal with total strangers approaching them to ask about their sick child who was not sick at all, and was in fact busy running around a foreign country getting up to god knows what. This died down on its own after a couple of months, and Aster was for the most part, none the wiser.

Spent the next few years exploring different regions before deciding to settle in Unova, at first in Nacrene city, where she crashed on a friend’s couch for a while in exchange for doing some odd jobs for her, but moved to Nimbasa after a year — the art scene in Nacrene is cool and all, but Nimbasa has so many things to do for fun and is also just a more central location. Despite having a more permanent home, though, she’s still prone to go on adventures — just doesn’t region hop as often anymore and limits her trips to a month or two at most. Still has not returned to Galar since her abdication, though she keeps in regular contact with her family. Her older brother even goes out of his way to visit her a couple times a year.

Her personality has changed significantly over the 10 years since she left Galar. Her constant travelling forced her to interact with total strangers far more frequently than if she stayed in Galar, and caused her to open up gradually and become more comfortable with socialising. She still prefers the company of pokemon to people, but is far more relaxed and deals better with crowded environments. Developed a bit of an “I’ll try anything once” kind of attitude. Her battling style has also loosened up considerably, which garnered a considerable amount of attention for her the first time she entered the PWT in Driftveil, where she spent each match running, jumping and throwing herself around her side of the pitch between commands, and almost got hit by a few wayward attacks in the process.

Technically unemployed. Currently makes most of her income by visiting Black City every few days to battle other trainers in the tower, and helps out an artist friend back in Nacrene City as her assistant and occasional courier, should larger works need to be transported outside the city for an exhibition being held further afield. Aster prefers this lifestyle to a traditional 9-5, as it allows her to more or less do whatever she likes, whenever she likes. Also she’s never had a “normal” job before and things having one sounds incredibly boring, and what’s the point in doing anything that could be boring.

Miscellaneous info :))

Natural brunette — started dying her hair after quitting the league in the hopes it would make it harder for people to recognise her. Overtime she just started to enjoy trying different styles and colour combos out.

Loves movies. Like outside of pokemon, Films are one of her favourite things in the world. Since moving to Nimbasa City, Aster has been building up a collection of blu rays and dvds, to the point that she has entire shelves full of them, floor to ceiling. Any genre is good in her eyes, she’ll watch anything whether it’s a corny romcom or a surrealist horror. Has also started investing in better sound systems and a projector, and is currently in the process of turning her apartment’s living room into a home cinema sort of deal.

While she adores cat-like pokemon of all varieties, she just cannot get behind Alolan and Kantonian Meowths and Persians. She jokes that they’re supporters of classism while her Perrserker bestie is the people’s cat. There really isn’t a deep reason for her dislike other than Persians aren’t Perrserkers and neither they nor their pre-evolutions are as fluffy or scruffy as the Galarian equivalents. It’s a personal bias.

Her team only has 3 permanent members; Mango, Muffin and Goji. The other 3 pokemon are switched out with a different combination every other week, so that Aster can try out different battling strategies and also just so she can spend time with all her creatures. They all have nicknames.

Dislikes social media but that doesn’t mean she never uses it — usually it’s just to announce that she’ll be participating in an upcoming tournament then radio silence for months. She likes to keep her private life private when it comes to the online world.

Maternal grandpa was a painter, and he passed an interest in the arts down to her mother, who passed it on to her. While neither Aster nor her mother are artists in their own rights, a lot of Aster’s childhood memories involve being taken to galleries and exhibitions. Both have decent knowledge of art history and some very Strong Opinions about specific artists and movements. Their weekly phone calls are almost always lengthy discussions about a specific painting, a film one of them saw recently, music, or what kind of clothes are currently making a comeback in the trend cycle.

Assisting her friend in Nacrene City has encouraged Aster to try creating her own works, though she’s yet to take the actual plunge. She doesn’t have the space in her Nimbasa apartment for a studio, nor has she purchased any of the materials she thinks she needs. One day she’ll take some ideas from her sketchbook to canvas. One day.

#oc aster #me arts #i’ll finish up vernon’s soon i swear #but i’m going to a party now so lmao he’s gotta wait

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thatnarcissisticfeel · 2 years

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hi, thanks for answering, i appreciate it. also that you didn’t just call me toxic or some shit and tell me to fuck off. i’ve actually never thought of joining a discord server but it’s a good idea, thank you, i think i could try that. i guess on another account though to prevent anyone from accidentally finding out bc you know for yourself how it is. i’ll look up if i can find some kind of dbt workbooks online as well.

the journaling idea is good as well, i’ve actually been trying for a while but i end up rarely using it as a past experience left me with kinda bad trust issues about writing / drawing things down where someone could see them. but i guess i could try hiding it better this time or something. it’s just this thing that also sometimes venting like that actually ends up making me even more frustrated, as i realize i’ve already written about this exact thing countless times before yet still nothing has changed.

i’m trying not to make a too harsh judgement of my therapist yet, considering i haven’t been seeing her for that long, but… yeah. when i said that i’ve been going to therapy for years i meant going to a lot of different ones in this time. no one ever gets me. their advice is always so fucking useless. honestly at least this current one actually listens and doesnt make me feel uncomfortable or like i’m being judged. i think she’s the one i’ve been the most honest with because of that (and also because i just started telling her everything from the first session on already bc i’m tired of everyone always turning out to be nothing but a waste of time and money and effort), i generally lie to therapists esp my psychiatrist so i can get the meds i want (or else im 100% she’d just put me on some shit like antipsychotics, which ive been on in the past and i’d honestly rather kill myself than take them again, idk if you’ve tried them before but i basically felt r*tarded [idk how some ppl are sensitive of slur use like i personally dont care but i dont want your blog banned or smth] and tired all the time and it “”””helped”””” in the way that it made me too slow to be able to think about my problems. thanks psychiatry. not a traumatizing experience at all). i mentioned that i suspect i could have a personality disorder to her once or twice and she seemed to agree that it could be a possibility, but obviously no one can diagnose that fast. but i guess i’ll see. i really just want to know whats wrong with me, why do i think the way i do, why i can’t just be more fucking normal no matter how hard i try. but getting an actual diagnosis of a PD esp if it turned out to be this one would just mean i’d get treated even worse by every single doctor, not even necessarily a mental health one, bc physical doctors see all your records as well,, i’ve already been told my legitimate physical issues are just bc im depressed, or even if they dont straight up tell me they definitely treat me less seriously and i just know its bc i have mental illnesses diagnoses & im female.

i just … ugh. i feel so sick of it all and misunderstood. i know i can get genuinely abusive in arguments when someone upsets me but i really dont know how to stop or control myself. i hate that people act as if it’s all my fault. like everything i’ve gone through doesn’t even matter and i’m just an inherently evil person. like i didn’t have some kind of a terribly traumatic childhood, but i’ve always been either bullied or excluded by almost everyone i’ve ever met and all the social isolation honestly really fucked me up. i think that’s why i developed such a strong individuality complex as i’ve never been able to think all of it must be simply because i’m worthless. like fuck no, 99% of the people are dumb and shallow and ignorant towards reality of the world and i’m supposed to feel like i’m somehow worse than them? at least i have self awareness and my own thoughts. i mean i do think we’re all worthless because nothing in life has any value, so why should humanity be the exception? that still doesn’t stop me from hating everyone though. i may be a hypocrite but so is everyone else; and at least i don’t pretend to be a gOoD pErSoN. lacking empathy and not having morals doesn’t make me any less deserving of help even though i know how many people unironically believe people like me should just be shot. fucking brainless hypocrites, all of them.

but anyway yeah my point here is, fuck people who think anyone chooses to be this way. all of this has done nothing good for me other than made my life much harder. and not to mention unable to ever get genuinely close to anyone because what is the worth in a relationship if i can’t even bring myself to care about anyone? i don’t think “empaths” even realize how alienating it actually is. which is once again so ironic because THEY should be the ones to try to understand it, but no, they just generalize everyone and share the nonsense propaganda that we’re incapable of change.

so yeah, this turned into another vent but i really lack any people in my life who i could be honest with. i feel so lonely all the time. it’s not even really missing a friend group or romance or physical touch, it’s more of this feeling of feeling completely alone and that no one (other than a few people whose writings and actions i admire but they’re all dead) would ever be able to truly understand me. so yeah as cheesy as it is, sometimes it’s nice to be reminded i’m not alone by someone other than a generic social media post made by someone who’d 100% hate me if i told them even half this shit. can i maybe dm you sometime btw? i felt like staying anon while writing this bc i tend to get anxious with ppl at first but idk, maybe, if youre comfortable with that ofc

btw if its alright to ask can i ask how did you get diagnosed? what was the process like and how long did it take? did they suspect anything else at first? do you feel treated by ppl any differently now tjat you have a diagnosis of such a stigmatized disorder? (^ i mean these previous questions if youre diagnosed by a psych, if not its perfectly valid as well ofc) whats personally helping u to cope?

Good luck! I’m glad I could offer some help/reassurance. Maybe instead of a physical journal you could use a private blog or even just a notes app on your phone/computer if that sounds safer?

I do hope things improve with your new therapist and that things work out, it’s good that she at least agrees you might have a PD. Normally I’d recommend a therapist who specializes in PDs, maybe even especially NPD, but idk if that’s accessible for you and/or if you’ve already tried it and had no luck.

But again, I want to reiterate that you’re not alone, and what you’re going through and what you feel is 100% relatable to other pwNPD. I truly wish that more people understood us and the irony isn’t lost on me that it’s always “empaths” who are the ones who have the LEAST empathy for us. And I feel like the societal lack of understanding contributes to the more “ugly” or “stigmatized” traits of our disorder even more, tbh. Anyway, my point is that I definitely don’t mind at all if you vent, so please do feel free to DM me if you want to or feel more comfortable that way!

As for my diagnosis, it’s a bit messy — for context im a recent graduate from college and the bulk of my therapy came from campus services, where it was acknowledged I very likely had a PD especially within cluster B but I never got an official diagnosis while I was seeing the school-based therapist, and at the moment I’m trying to find a new therapist who can help me. At first we thought I just had a really intense form of rejection sensitivity dysphoria due to ADHD, then realized it was likely something else. So I’m a weird mix of “self diagnosed, but likely wouldn’t have admitted it to myself or realized it if a professional hadn’t pointed me in that direction.” Until I can find a professional im honestly just doing the best I can to help myself. Sometimes I get tempted to turn to substances to cope bc they make me softer and more open, and if you feel the same way I highly recommend avoiding this, ofc. I mostly use relatable music (lmk if you want my NPD playlist!) and DBT workbooks as a way to help myself, and I also just try my hardest to avoid or remove myself from situations where I might lose my cool and become toxic. Obviously this is easier said than done, but there are ways to do it. For instance, if I’m in a group chat where I feel like people are getting more attention than me, I’ll mute the group chat and maybe text someone from a different group one-on-one (not necessarily about my issues, just in general).I know that answer is pretty mild and entirely social media based lol, but it’s the best example I can provide.

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