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#I am not the joke police I just don't like when people are serious about dismissing pieces of media because oh no cringe alert
alexjcrowley · 1 year
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Saying Swiss Army Man is about gay necrophilia is like saying Oedipus Rex is about a guy who fucks his mom. You're only technically correct.
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streets-in-paradise · 2 months
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The Real Deal - Matt Murdock x Witch!Reader
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Warnings: I haven't wrote for Daredevil in a long while, so forgive me if i have mistaken details of the show.
Summary: You want to help your lawyers in their most challenging case, but the controversial nature of your skills leaves it up to question.
Tags: @chezagnes
Matt and Foggy meet you as one of their early clients and, in their perspective, you were a simple fortune teller unfortunately caught in a legal issue. Your case was so absurd that it represented easy work for them. Even in the strange times they were living in, it still made no sense. A matter of police profiling through the mass hysteria in the post Loki New York making you suspicious for carrying symbols of norse witchcraft. Runic readings weren't the only service you offered and your practices weren't culturally límited to what then started to be considered an asgardian danger. However, society was still adapting to the discovering and the clueless officers couldn't tell the difference between an asgardian sorceress and the neighborhood's witch. Your lawyers realized of that, and the instant fondness of you that at least half of the firm developed closed the deal for you to get out of trouble.
Unlike most of their clientele, you were managing to pay them in cash. Slow, but consistent payments that also worked as a way to stay in touch. Despite they were highly skeptical of your activity, they did appreciate their owned share of its product. Catholic belief wasn't an obstacle for Matt's flirting and his friend would never miss the chance to tease him for that when you were arround. That precise combination of factors made you be always welcome, but with each visit you noticed they were struggling deeper than just financtially.
They got in serious trouble attempting to legally save the neighborhood from gentrification taking down the lead of the dirty business surrounding it. Even their secretary was involved in the investigation, huge deal that made you feel quite concerned for all of them.
You were relatively new in the city, but that didn't mean you weren't inclined to help. The chain reaction would screw everyone over, except for the top rich.
You weren't an asgardian terrorist, but neither the easy to underestimate facade associated with your business. To some of your clients, the ones coming for meaningless issues or unethical things, you would ocassionally sell advice disguised of bullshit.However, you were a real witch performing unmistakeable results for causes that justified it.
Overhearing the plotting of your favorite lawyers, you found one that was worth all your efforts.
" Let me help you out with Fisk." You interrupted them instead of awaiting for Karen to take your payment. " … A full name, birth date and a personal object is all I need, for a start. "
Foggy couldn't believe what you had just proposed, taking it as absolute nonsense.
" Not in the mood for jokes, Princess Opal. We have a serious situation here, but we will call you to join the search if someone goes missing. "
You didn't let the demeaning comment bring you down, it was exactly what you expected of him.
" Believe it or not, I am a worker of justice just like you." You corrected him ríght away. " When your system fails, some people come to me hoping to rush the action of karma. Others want me to give them the hope in justice that their practicers can't provide. Do you have any idea of how many clients i get that are currently in legal battles, but don't trust the courts to give them what they need for the sake of it? How much work with justice i get demmanded? It's insane! Regardless of what you believe about it, you can't deny it says something. "
Matt was very silent, untill the tease got him snarky.
" We are working to make things better, I hope you will not resent us for winning that hope back. "
You smiled, already struggling to resist his charm. Despite he obviously couldn't see it, you could swear he noticed the effect he had in you.
" On the contrary, I admire you. I know of the kind of hard time you get when trying to do the ríght thing." You admitted, not realizing you were already toying with the tips of your hair. " When an obsessive weirdo comes asking me to magically force someone to love them, or to curse a coworker they envy, I sell them teraphy disguised with self satisfying witchy-sounding talk. Placebos, so they will get someting to come back for and not search for an unethical bastard that could either scam them worse or do the damage they want for the proper price. When worried parents bring a sick child, I do the real healing ritual for free and make up my costs doing readings or charging an asshole tax on the crazy ones. That's who I am, my concience makes me loose money, and i believe we are on the same page when it comes to business models. "
The comparison was strange, but it showed perfect understandment of their situation found in the weirdest of places.
" I was not aware there were ethics in witchcraft. "
" For you only, I'm willing to ignore my code. " You snarked back in a flirtatious tone. " Let me hex Fisk, show him something that would make him regret to mess with the neighborhood. "
Foggy was cautious of your slightly sinister expression at the end and started to think you trully believed in the power on your threat.
" Sounds like a mobster message, clearly not our style. "
" How would that work?" Karen interrupted him. " It won't kill anyone, ríght?"
Her friend stared at her in disbelief.
" You can't be serious. "
" Foggy, gods have fallen from the sky ... I say we let her give it a try. "
" Those were aliens, not gods. " Matt corrected. " I don't believe in curses, it comes with being a catholic. "
He did make you chuckle with that one.
" Well, hipocricy also comes with catholicism. "
" She got you … can't beat the allegations! " Foggy teased him ríght away. " Your fault for making us jump in defense of the beautifull savage for you to play missionary with. "
You both were left in evidence on a matter of seconds.
" Thanks, Foggy! It's the first lovely thing about me you have to say today."
He didn't intend to sound harsh, but he couldn't possibly understand you.
" Try to see things from my perspective: i feel like i'm being mocked. "
" If it eases your concience, the methods are mostly a facade. I'm the real deal, it runs in the blood. " You confessed, wondering if you would regret it later. " Mom thinks i got it from my father. I don't know, I never meet him and at this point i don't think I want to. Don't waste time asking me about that."
" Can you cast the honesty curse from ' Liar, Liar'? That would be really helpfull. " Foggy mocked you once more. " We seek to expose Fisk, get him in jail. Even if we could believe you, I don't see how your offer can be any usefull. "
At least you could say you got him Interested. Weirded, maybe, but attentive.
" I can curse his business. Mysterious incidents will keep happening and he will loose money. Of course, I believe the Devil is doing his part on that, but why not giving him some help? Fisk will be easier for you to legally take down if he has too many things to attend at once. A vigilante and the curse of a real witch should be enough to do the dirty work for you. One problem, he may attempt to solve, but who is going to warn him about me? Even if they would … Do you think he would believe it?"
The next objection came from Matt, but that didn't surprise you as it should.
" Well, for a start we don't work with vigilantes."
" Too late, i think he is working with you." You snarked back. " Sounds like a good plan to me. After all, your church believes witches are the devil's consorts, ríght?"
In that simple comment he obtained all the proof he needed to believe in your gifts, realization that stayed between him and you.
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noodyl-blasstal · 5 months
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33... and you... and me
It's day 2 of @taznovembercelebration and today's prompt was "promise". I drew a second card and got "celebrity AU" so here's a mix of those. It's extra silly because what is taznc for if not to roll around in the ridiculousness?
You can find yesterday's here, and read this one below or on Ao3.
--
"I can't just slide into his dms and propose, you're being ridiculous." Kravitz flops back on the sofa, head in Sloane's lap. "Why'd he have to go and get famous and unobtainable?"
"Ah yes, it would be ridiculous, wouldn't it, for someone to get all famous without warning. Perhaps be some big shot that everyone wants as musical director."
Kravitz harrumphs. "I'm a big name to a very small group of people. It's not the same and you know it. Taako's on TV! Television!! He has live events! He signs things!! He has calendars, every year!!"
"You could have calendars every year if you just listened to my suggestio..."
"Sloane! I am not doing suggestive poses in my pants holding a baton. We've had this conversation an upsetting amount of times."
"Look Krav, I'm gay as hell, but I know excellent marketing when I think of it."
"Uh huh."
"But mostly, I know an excellent distraction when I think of one."
Kravitz is tumbling to the ground before he can do anything to counteract Sloane's shove. She's into the bathroom and has the door locked before he's back on his feet. Maybe he does need to take up yoga or something to help him fall and un-fall more gracefully.
"What’s going on?" Kravitz shouts through the door.
"I'm going through a tunnel, I can't hear you!" Sloane yells back.
"If you're ill you could have just said, do you need me to get you anything?"
"You can't be nice to me right now." Sloane has just enough guilt in her tone to indicate that this was, in fact, not a medical emergency.
"Sloane? What did you do?"
"What am I doING?" Sloane corrects.
"Sloane?" Kravitz tries not to let worry creep into his voice, he fails. Wait... No. No no no! Kravitz pats at his right pocket desperately, then the left just in case he stashed his phone there instead. Nothing. "Tell me you didn't?"
"What's that? Bad line, I can't hear you."
"Sloane!" The panic is there now, evident, front and centre, 100% justified.
There's no reply. Shit. Kravitz runs for his laptop, maybe if he just changes his password...
"I already changed it." Sloane hollers from the bedroom.
Kravitz changes tactic, tries for his emails.
"Sorry Krav, I changed that too."
"You don't even know what I'm doing."
"You're on your emails, you're predicable."
"Actually, I'm calling the police." Kravitz yells, petulant and stupid.
He can hear Sloane snorting with laughter from down the hall. She's never going to let him forget that one. Shit.
--
"How bad was the message you sent?"
“The message I sent? Oh, we’re not going to be talking about any messages from me today.”
“What do you mean?”
"Well, while rhapsodising about how much you want to marry Taako, how wonderful you think Taako is, how unobtainable and perfect and wonderful, you forgot to mention that you've stayed in touch. You also forgot to mention that he follows you. You forgot to mention, Kravitz, that you and Taako have been chatting."
"It's not chatting, it's just talking sometimes."
"Uh huh." Sloane narrows her eyes.
"He doesn't know who I am or anything. He probably doesn't even remember me."
Sloane clears her throat and reads off her screen. ""Nice to see that Taako's future husband is keeping it tight." Reply to a photo you sent him in which you're conducting. He does seem to have circled your arse in the screen shot he sent back."
"That's not serious. He's joking."
"And the countdown?"
"What?" Surely she didn't go through the whole conversation? There’s loads of it. So what if Taako messages him sometimes, so they video called semi-occasionally? It didn't mean anything, he'd never specifically said it meant anything.
"And I quote." Kravitz didn't like the sound of that. "Happy birthday, wandsome, 4 years 'til you're mine."
"That's... It… It doesn’t…"
"3 years 'til we can buy the cottage and run away together, handsome. Temporarily, obvi, Taako needs to stay current."
"How many screenshots do you have?" Kravitz might be able to anticipate exactly how bad this is if he knows. Maybe she searched for keywords and didn’t scroll.
"Your birthday last year: "1 year, we're nearly there, don't go falling in love with anyone else.""
"Okay, I get it. He talks to me and he remembers my birthday."
"Kravitz, you are, as ever, focusing on the wrong headline here. He remembers the promise, you know, the one you've been agonising over? Positively fretting about, in fact. "Should I remind him? Should I see if he's interested?" The answer's yes, Krav, you should see if the man who has reminded you about the ridiculous fucking promise for the last 3 years is interested in following through."
"But his boyfriend?"
"Hold on, wait, what boyfriend? Have you been messaging him even though he's with someone else?? Kravitz!"
"He's never mentioned him to me. Just, there's been a few interviews..." He tails off.
Sloane taps at her phone.
"Are you googling Taako?"
"No, I'm googling "boyfriend "Taako Tacco"" because I actually want relevant results."
Kravitz sighs and takes his place at Sloane's shoulder. Their height difference was nothing if not perfect for group research.
"My boyfriend doesn't like to be in the spotlight, we'll, apart from when he's doing it for work, he's a baller music guy, only the best for Taako, natch."
Sloane turned slowly to glance at Kravitz.
"I don't know who it is." He shrugs. "Taako didn't mention him to me, so I thought maybe it was to keep them off his back, or, you know, some kind of stunt."
"Mmm hmm. Well here's one from earlier this year, see if you can think of anyone it might be. Taako says: "I think it's pretty serious. We talked about marriage a long time ago and we check in every year. Mind you, who wouldn't want to be married to America's favourite kitchen wizard?""
"He's not wrong. Anyone would jump at the chance." Maybe his voice isn't meant to sound so dreamy, but it's Taako. He's everything Kravitz wants from a partner, funny, attentive, generous, smart, gorgeous.
Sloane all but groans. "Gross." She grimaces up at Kravitz. "Being disgusting isn't getting you out of this though, next one: "yeah, I'm sure he's the one. I've known him forever and haven't been interested in anyone else." Oh, and here’s some more, interesting: "he comes to my shows occasionally, I love it when he's in the audience, always inspires a bit of extra magic, gotta make sure he remembers how great Taako is." Haven't you been to a few of his shows, Kravitz?"
"Well obviously, I go whenever I can." He does, it's important to support your friend who you may also be in love with. It’s also really nice when Taako comps his ticket, although they agreed to do one on one off so Kravitz can support the show too.
"And you let him know you're going?"
"Well it usually comes up when we're chatting, or, you know, planning when to meet up?"
"Oh, so you've been meeting up?"
"Yeah, of course.” Kravitz hesitates. “...Only when he's in town and, you know, the times I flew out to meet him."
"Uh huh." Sloane's doing the voice she usually adopts when Kravitz is being particularly dim about something.
"It's nice, you know, to keep in touch."
"Would you say you keep in touch a normal amount, based on your other acquaintances?" There's a trap here, Kravitz can tell, but he doesn't know what it is.
"Well I talk to him less than you, and you're basically my only other friend."
"Oh don't make it sad when I'm trying to bully you."
"Sorry." Kravitz says, resting his chin on her shoulder, that might garner enough sympathy to get him out of this.
"So how often would you say you kiss, you know, when you're seeing each other a normal amount?"
Or maybe it wouldn’t get him of out this. Kravitz tries hard not to freeze up and demonstrate the level of panic flowing through him. "Ah… well, you know... The, er, the usual amount." He says, casually. Definitely casually. She won't suspect anything.
"Which issssss?"
Shit. Well, honest is the best policy. “Every time. Obviously. Kiss your homies."
"We're homies, we don't kiss."
"Would you, er... Like to?" Kravitz's throat is dry, clicking as he tries to get the words out. He really doesn’t want to have to kiss Sloane.
Sloane lurches away from him. “No! Gross. God.”
“Alright, there’s no need to be so totally disgusted about it.” He doesn’t need to be defensive about this, he doesn’t want to be defensive about this! He had one misguided attempt at kissing girls and realised very quickly that he had no interest in it, but, pride is a fickle thing, and Kravitz clearly needs to work on his.
“Are you actually upset that I, a gay woman, don’t want to kiss you, a gay man, who has absolutely no interest in me and knows that I don’t want any kind of romantic relationship with him? Also, what exactly do you think Hurley’s going to say when I tell her about this?”
“No! But…”
“Kravitz, you are very handsome, I will not stroke your ego any more than that. Back on track - you’ve been kissing Taako on the reg for at least 3 years now?”
Kravitz cringes.
“Kravitz!”
If he doesn’t reply he can’t be in trouble. That’s science.
“Kravitz AdventureZone! How long?”
“Six years.” He mumbles as quietly as he dares.
“One more time there, friend?”
“Six years.” He says more clearly, he’s not going to repeat it again.
“Six fucking years? I thought you were going out of town for work stuff!”
“I was sometimes! You didn’t ask every time.”
“I…” Sloane gives an exasperated sigh.
“Please tell me you know who his boyfriend is.”
“I just told you, Taako’s never mentioned him, I don’t know if he exists.”
“Kravitz. Engage your brain. Think about this. You have been seeing this man regularly kissing and I assume more…”
“I read about brojobs one time and just kind of assumed it was an extension of tha…”
“No, stop talking right now immediately. I refuse to hear you say anything else about boning down. You have never seen a penis before, even your own.” Sloane clamps a hand across his mouth. “Now, you’ve been seeing him regularly, kissing, more.” Sloane presses her hand down more firmly, just in case he tries to add anything else. “... and you work in music.” She removes her hand.
“I work in music.” Kravitz says quietly.
“You sure do.”
“And we message nearly every day, and video call a few times a week.”
“Uh huh.”
“And he sends me nice things and I send him nice things.”
“Yep.”
“And we joke about the promise every year.”
“Do you think maybe it’s not a joke?”
“He could have anyone!”
“I’m not convinced he wants anyone else, Krav.”
“I… I’m dating Taako?”
“Sure are, bud.”
“I. Fuck.” Kravitz sits down on the floor. “He never said.” He says, more to his feet than to Sloane. His Mums always taught him to put his head between his bent knees when he felt floaty so he could be small and heavy instead.
“Apart from all the times you talked about getting married?”
“He didn’t specify he wasn’t joking.”
“Did he specify that he was?”
“No.” Kravitz says, sulkily.
“And how about all the times you talked about moving in together?”
“We moved in together!” There, he’s being reasonable! Flawless logic.
“Yeah, but you’re not in love with me are you?”
“No.” Says Kravitz reluctant to admit defeat... Although, actually, wait. “But he doesn’t know that!”
“That you’re not in love with me?”
“No! That I’m in love with him.”
“So you haven’t told him you love him?”
“Well, I mean, I obviously tell him I love him.”
“Uh huh.” Sloane sounds like she’s about to implode.
“But like, in the normal way.”
“Uh huh.” He’s not sure he’s ever heard her voice pitched so high. “When you say normal?”
“Just like, the usual amount, that I would tell a friend who I’m in love with and also sleeping with and seeing regularly and… fuck.”
“Yes, you already established the fucking, there’s no need to boast.”
Kravitz should laugh, it’s funny, is the thing, it really is, but right now he’s rehashing 6 years worth of memories. It seems obvious, now that Sloane has laid it out for him, but how was he supposed to know? If no one clarifies then why’s he suddenly supposed to assume they’re dating and not just friends? At what point does that even happen? It’s been wonderful, is the thing, he loves that man, deeply, truly, passionately. That was the reason he’d brought up the promise in the first place. When they both hit 33, if there was no one else they wanted to marry, they’d marry each other. It had been the perfect plan when they were 10, and 15, and 20. But Taako had gone off and been famous and they saw each other less and Kravitz had just assumed that now that the world loved Taako too Taako would love someone else.
But he didn’t.
He hadn’t for the past who knows how many years, he definitely hadn’t for the last 6, because he’d picked Kravitz, chosen him to pour his time and his love into and Kravitz hadn’t even noticed properly. Or, of course he’d noticed that it was an important relationship. He’d celebrated Taako’s achievements, birthdays, candlenights; he’d bought every single one of his calendars and made him autograph them; he even made the world’s first and only copy of ‘“Got Wood?” a conductor pin up calendar’ for Taako. But no one had explicitly said they were dating. Taako hadn’t acknowledged it, well, except in the interviews… shit.
Kravitz stood up too fast, grabbed the table to steady himself. “I need to buy a ring.”
“Right now?”
“Right now! It’s nearly my birthday.”
“The promise?”
“Yes. I intend to keep it.”
-
Want to read more? Find Day 3 here.
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autisticandroids · 4 months
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15, 21, 23?
15. something you learned this year
i don't know if i can say i learned a new skill as such. but one thing is like... i really enjoyed making three card stud. and it really opened my eyes to like, how much of what i like about the practice of fanfiction is the meticulous remixing/reinterpretation of canon. there's a way in which the AMV is a more... analytical art form than the fanfic, because you are literally forced by the constraints of the medium to keep to the text. all you have are song lyrics and the kuleshov effect to convince your audience to take the new meaning you intend to convey from stuff already in the show. and i brought that ethos to three card stud even though i did add stuff. in a lot of ways three card stud was just me listing off things from canon i think a lot about and saying eh? eh? like. hoping the context would make it clear *why* this stuff makes me crazy. and i think that was a lot of the motivation behind the fic i'm currently working on, which is about dean and cas getting caught by the police. that fic at this point is mostly lists of things that have happened in spn episodes, placed in a new context by baffled feds and cops. which is the fun part. so like basically i learned that this is really fun, listing off canon facts in a new context
21. most memorable comment/review
so the most memorable traditional comment as such i got was probably this one, on i fold in half so easily (ifihse tends to generate the best comments because it's extremely dark without the ways in which it is dark being obviously flagged. so people are more shocked and more forced to think). "Cas: no officer i am very happy please dont tell dean im emotionally complex" is so funny and true that's literally what happens in that fic.
another top contender is this one, on getting serious, which generates good comments for the same reason ifihse does, though it's a lot less intense.
but in terms of my favorite *response to my work,* it was the breastfeeding anon saga (in chronological order here) which was a response to my fic smorgasbord.
and then i wrote a fic based on those anons, and then i got these very funny tags on my fic post:
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23. fics you wanted to write but didn’t
when i tell you about the 120k deanvictor fic which is literally 90k of victor henriksen hunting down a serial killer dean winchester while becoming a little (sexually) obsessed with him and then 30k of victor knowing about the supernatural and moonlighting as a hunter while he and dean suck each others dicks so much.
and also it's about victor's relationship with his two ex wives and his former stepdaughter who he is still emotionally a parent to even though they have no legal relationship and the coworker he had an emotional affair with who he doesn't speak to anymore and how he feels trapped in his life and his job and dean represents this escape for him this total freedom. just living in his car on the road and not having to worry about what your boss thinks or needing to quit smoking. while for dean victor represents this stability and adulthood dean can never achieve. and dean leaves three spare pairs of underwear in victor's divorcé bachelor pad as a kind of little... fantasy. of what life could be like.
anyway the most compelling scene from that, IN MY MIND, is a scene where victor STILL thinks dean is a serial killer. and now he has him in custody. and against his will he's... charmed. by dean. because dean is charming and pathetic, shaking and sweating from mild alcohol withdrawal but still cracking jokes and being friendly and observant and extremely young-feeling, for 28. and earnest in a way he didn't expect. and they're forced to work together against a demon siege, a spin on jus in bello where victor still doesn't find out about the supernatural he's just protecting himself and a prisoner from a threat. and he has the uncomfortable realization that he's attracted to dean winchester (serial killer) (guy he is trying to take down) (has killed so so many people). and he's like well. we can table that for later. and then dean escapes.
so i've been trying to figure out a way to scoop out just that scene and turn it into its own fic because that's actually manageable for me.
the dean and cas pursued by the cops idea also comes a bit from frustration that i can't write this, though the feds in that one are ocs bc it's later.
from here
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g-xix · 1 month
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am i the only one who thinks cancel culture has gone a bit too far? like we’re literally “canceling” people for the stupidest shit these days, and let’s be honest, most of us do these things in private as well. tell me you’ve NEVER made like a lgbtq+ joke (obviously not a full on offensive one) if a cc even made a harmless joke they’d full on canceled and harassed
IM NOT AIMING THIS AT U, i just rlly wanted to state my opinion on this 😭 i just don’t think it’s fair how we also judge some cc’s but not all. its different if they said some shit like “kill the (blank)” but for example (a stupid one, i know, but it’s 3 am and i can’t think properly) the internet cancelled charli d’amelio because she said ‘she couldn’t wait to hit a 100 mil because even numbers’ and that she wouldn’t eat a snail … bruva
No because I agree with quite a bit of this post, bc:
Cancel culture is unnecessarily didactic and entitled sometimes.
It's really weird how as an audience, people try to tell others that what they do is wrong, and that they should correct their actions. Because who the fuck has the rights to make the rules of what is wrong and right within society?
I think cancel culture is valid when it's consistent with laws - yk - getting people like child groomers called out and removed from platforms because that's plain fucking illegal. The law system is a great place to base your morals off of (from my limited knowledge of laws), but then again...
If a CC has committed a crime, is just removing their platform the best thing to do?
Sure, alerting their following a person is bad is a great place to start. Yk, reduce their following at their supporting because they're a straight WRONG'UN... but then what? We just let them live their normal ass lives after committing a crime? When the hell does police step in and sort it out?
Cancel culture is good at alerting the audience of a person's wrongdoings if illegal, but at that point, serious investigation and police intervention is probably also worth a shot.
But cancel culture is also really fucking harmful.
Obviously, rate of cancellation is very different online. Certain fandoms have different rates of cancellability, and boundaries with what CCs say. Need it in graphical form? Say less.
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(No data backing this up, quite opinion and personal experience based so err... maybe take w a pinch of salt)
But there's places like AMP and Sidemen whereby they do A LOT of more morally gray things (objectify women, mild-casual homo and transphobia...)
And then there's placed like the MC fandom which need to take the fucking chill pill and slow it down. I mean, I remember this from my MCYT days:
"I get lesbians", said TommyInnit, "get" meaning understand (of course) - which didn't seem like a big deal to me. It empathised w women thinking men were a bit ew and unpreferable, and sure, it's a bit demeaning to men in a way whereby there's a bit "men < women" stereotype, but I don't think that's very harmful in an already patriarchal society.
but regardless, the fans were pretty fkn pissed because they interpreted what he said to mean that he... got with lesbians... And when someone explained to them that he meant "get" as in "understand" - you know, he's not a raging misogynist, self-proclaimed lesbian-undoing womanizer - did they back down and admit there was a misinterpretation within communication?
Nope!
Instead they tried to prove that he was still in the wrong because that was a poor word choice and he should've just said "understand" instead, if that's what he really meant.
They literally tried to 'cancel' him, for a lexical choice.
So in times like that, I remember that cancel culture isn't a wonderful thing - and the Charli D'amelio reference you give is just as valid tbh, anon.
Charli's cancellation + hate, I would love to talk about, but considering this is already a stupidly long n waffle-y post, I think I'll save it for next time.
Overall conclusions + take-aways: -Cancel culture is good at taking platforms away from genuinely bad ppl -But who are we to try and push our own morals onto a Content Creator? Ignorance is bad and should be corrected but often-times this didactic role which viewers take on is also just plain entitled -I think it's better to point out flaws and present them to the audience + CC to hear them out, rather than viciously aiming to remove a platform and enforce views onto others -Some places need a lot less cancel culture bc it's just not needed - some places need a lot more maturity to understand why what a CC does isn't morally great -Lots of generalised sweeping statements made here - feel free to argue them j don't come at my neck ab them
peace n love as always
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qqueenofhades · 10 months
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I was watching a docu-series on the late Senator Bobby Kennedy this morning (I was trying to get a feel for how his son might campaign just in case he becomes a viable candidate. I still want Biden and will vote for him anyways due to the real fear that Trump is determined to snatch that primary nom but I am curious) and I got all teary-eyed when Congressman Lewis appeared on screen to talk about Bobby's work and being one of the only few white politicians at MLK Jr's funeral. And I remembered Bernie Sanders making this remark about John Lewis being a part of the Establishment and it filled me with so much anger that I had to get up and leave the room. Like this man marched side by side with Rev. King in Montgomery, Alabama and was beaten near to death by the police. This is a giant of the Civil Rights Era. And Bernie Sanders from lily white Vermont has the nerve, the audacity to call him part of the Establishment??
It just makes me so angry. So unbelievably angry and sad.
Well you see, as usual, Bernie Sanders knows almost nothing about American politics, and/or American racism. So.
Also: I don't think you can use anything about RFK Sr. to learn absolutely anything about RFK Jr. He's a joke candidate: an extreme anti-vaxxer backed by the likes of Steve Bannon, which should tell you all you need to know, purposefully thrown into the "Democratic" primary on some vague idea that he can siphon off votes from the most clueless people in America who see the Kennedy name and nothing more. He is not a viable candidate and should not be treated like one in any way, so yes, you owe him absolutely squat in terms of time, attention, or acting like he is a serious or good-faith contributor to anything whatsoever about the primary process.
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tiffanylamps · 1 year
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🔥🔥🔥🔥 of course, some beyond evil hot takes 🔥🔥🔥🔥 but also, what is some controversial opinion that you have about something entirely mundane :^0
ask me ask me ask me baby (Disclaimer: I started writing this, then had dinner, watched an episode of Bros on Foot, then had a shower and now I'm pretty exhausted (thanks rona + bad health). So my answers may seem a lil disorganised... they most likely are) Oh, gosh. I don't think I have that many opinions that are actually controversial when discussing be. But I shall still give it a go. I going to put a break here 'cause I really didn't know when to shut up. Also, sorry Iva but I feel like my answers are things we've already spoken about. So, I don't think any of this is new information to you 😩 TL;DR: Dong Sik and Joo Won shouldn't be represented by one aspect of their character. They're more complicated than that. (Including a mundane opinion at the end) (please excuse any weird funny business in this post (writing, grammar, spelling, clarity), we're trying our best here at Lamps HQ)
i. We as a fandom baby Dong Sik too much. I love Dong Sik. I adore him. He has seen and experienced far too many traumas, and I want nothing but good things for him in his future. What happened to him and his family when he was 20 was a tragedy that could have been avoided if the system (which should be in place to aid victims) wasn't systemically corrupt. He was beaten by police officers whilst in custody. He was framed and belittled, degraded, and humiliated. (the trauma he experienced is so layered and would take a lifetime for him to unpack and get closure from).
It almost completely ruined his life and future prospects, and it would have been done if Nam Sang Bae hadn't come in with his lvl 100 guilt and tried to make up for his actions. Dong Sik tried to make the best out of the awful circumstances that befell him and I sincerely admire him. Not everyone is as kind and loving as Dong Sik.... But but but... Buuuuut that doesn't absolve him of his actions. He murdered someone with his bare hands and allowed the system that was once put against him to be used in his favour.
Police officers shouldn't be murdering civilians. full stop. Yes, he was emotionally compromised- technically it could be seen as self-defence, but an unconvicted man, a suspect, was murdered and Dong Sik didn't face repercussions. Nam Sang Bae skewed the evidence so Dong Sik didn't get into trouble. Dong Sik took a year (?) off work after that event and to "help" him recover, Sang Bae got Dong Sik transferred to his substation (which Sang Bae had been demoted to as a result of one of his rookies dying on the job. Although, it wasn't deemed much of a punishment considering he was so close to retiring anyway). All the while, Dong Sik feels justified for his actions (as he did when he moved Min Jeong's fingers). (Screenshots from the translated script book/author's notes doc)
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I think it's best that when discussing and exploring Dong Sik's character, we remember that he is a man capable of murder. He is a murderer. (Do I blame him for what he did? No, not really. I can see why he did it. Objectively, I fucking love it for the narrative lol). But yeah, he isn't a guiltless sweet baby angel who never did anything wrong in his life. (DISCLAIMER: obviously jokes are just jokes. I love them and I never want them to stop. I am super guilty of participating in this line of joking and I'm not about to stop any time soon. But when discussing DS in serious conversations, we shouldn't erase his history. By doing that, we are devoiding him of agency and retribution (which is one of the main arcs/themes of his character development)).
ii. Joo Won is autistic and people need to stop calling him stupid. I will die on this hill, I don't care. I fully encourage everyone to bully Joo Won, because, well, he fucking deserves it. I know that bullying him is a hilarious love language the fandom has developed and I fully participate in this pastime. I honestly love it. Yes, he has done a lot wrong and shouldn't be absolved of his sins (that being said, we should allow him the space to learn and grow. We should learn to forgive whilst still keeping him and ourselves in check). But where I draw the line is when people outright laugh at his characteristics/actions which are derived from the fact that Joo Won is coded as autistic.
I know not everyone is going to be particularly versed in neurodivergent symptoms and that is completely fine. I even didn't fully clock Joo Won being autistic the first time I watched the show- I "labelled" his actions as a result of one) his obscenely privileged upbringing and two) the fact that he (imo) has some degree of OCD (which is a type of anxiety disorder). Then it hit me one day that he is soooo autistic. A few examples (I'm too ill to list each one or go into full detail): 1- People say that he's a bad detective. Which, ugh. 2- That he should have seen the "obvious" signs that Dong Sik wasn't the killer earlier. This sentiment completely ignores the timeline of the show and the fact that the viewer is provided information that Joo Won doesn't have access to. And it also removes Dong Sik's accountability for being purposely obtuse and antagonistic. 3- the whole (very minor) narrative that joo won is lame because he has terrible people skills (or something along those lines, I can't quite remember the tags I read as it was a while ago). This one, in particular, ties in with Joo Won's autism coding. With a (relatively sound) understanding of what autism looks like in male adults, to me, it would seem that a lot of what Joo Won does (speaking bluntly, getting easily confused when provided a lot of information during an intense situation, overwhelm, struggling to gauge people's emotions/tone, being very black and white, hyper focussing on a topic of interest, struggling to adapt to new social environments, masking, issues with food and sensory stimulation, etc) can be credited to autism. Perhaps I'm connecting dots that don't exist and am projecting an ideal onto his character, but as someone who grew up with multiple friends and family members who are neurodiverse (and is neurodiverse myself), I can see so many similarities between Joo Won's actions, thought processes, and mannerisms to that of a person with autism.
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^ (credit) here is an overview of some characteristics of autism in adults (obviously, it's a complex topic which differs from person to person. But I can definitely connect many of these examples to joo won's character and actions). [I feel like I could say a lot more about this subject, but it would be distracting away from the original point. I have thoughts on Joo Won masking and how he struggles to mask around Dong Sik]
How does this relate to Joo Won being "stupid"? One may ask. I will try to explain it as best I can (even though I don't fully have my answer planned out). Labelling Joo Won as stupid, as a stuck-up nepo baby who did nothing for the storyline, or just a useless dolt that needed Dong Sik to spoon-feed him, completely misconstrues the source material. Joo Won is intelligent, hard-working, determined, stubborn, foolish, annoying, pompous, proud, narrow-minded, snobby, short-sighted, dedicated, loyal, loving, persistent, and perceptible to change (and even more than that). We wouldn't have a story if Joo Won was stupid. We wouldn't have a conclusion if Joo Won was stupid. Downplaying Joo Won's intelligence and chalking up his characteristics as something that makes him less-than does a complete disservice to his character as well as his importance within the story. Beyond Evil is a story with TWO leads. It's not the Dong Sik show. I can NEVER subscribe to the act of bringing one character down in order to hold another up. Dong Sik is not this all-seeing, all-knowing, flawless character. If he was, he would have never been framed for murder, he wouldn't have been stuck for 20 years, and he wouldn't have needed help in uncovering the truth. He needed Joo Won (and Ji Hwa, Jae Yi, Jung Je, Ji Hoon, Du Soo, Sang Bae, etc). Without Joo Won, he may have never found out the full truth of what happened to his sister (as how many people in his life had a part to play in the traumas he faced). So, I think it's about time that people start to recognise Joo Won as a neurodivergent character (and stop giving him a hard time for not seeing signs that WE were given), as well as stop downplaying him. Kim Soo Jin, Sim Na Yeon, and Yeo Jin Goo created such a multi-dimensional, complex, flawed character with good and bad qualities, it does a disservice to their creativity and hard work when one belittles Joo Won down to one descriptor. Dong Sik and Joo Won aren't just the idiot and the downtrodden. They're more than that and fan interpretation shouldn't rewrite the facts of the show.
Anyway... there's a point in there somewhere... I think... I have no idea if I managed to construct a reply that makes sense. I don't think I fully relayed all my thoughts on this particular matter, but we live. tbh, I feel very icky when an autistic character gets labelled as stupid or useless. It gets on my nerves and if it wasn't obvious, I am pretty protective of Joo Won (maybe I shouldn't be, but... well... here we are!). Also, as a note: I don't expect anyone to agree with my opinion that Joo Won is autistic. But yeah, I was going to include more "controversial" opinions for be, but I have already said way too much. This post reads like a rant - which it probably is - and I don't want it to ruffle anyone's feathers. It's not an attack, it's just my opinion.
As for the mundane opinion: iii. kiwis are the scum of the fruit world. They're nasty and a lot of effort to eat (considering they don't taste great), and their texture is gross. But I do think their furry shell is pretty neat, even if it makes my skin cruel. (idk why this was the first thing that came to mind lol)
(sorry Iva. Maybe one day I will learn how to give short answers😂🫣)
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bvshboy · 1 year
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is anyone else bothered by the weird humorizing of serious songs? at this point if Closer comes up on my spotify, people literally laugh
and just to be clear I'm not trying to be the joke police here, it's totally chill to joke about songs (even serious and sad songs!), but there's a difference between joking about a subject and turning that subject into a joke
it might sound like a Nothing Problem but it seems to be part of a bigger trend of anti media literacy
every day I see people denouncing classic movies as if the association between Fight Club and annoying film bros at parties somehow means the movie itself isn't important or good
I see people mocking classic literature and translated literature for being boring and pretentious
I've been made fun of before for liking unpopular music because apparently it makes me a "hipster" who's "not like other kids"
and it seems to me like a lot of people who find themselves genuinely enjoying music made by artists who want you to take their art seriously feel the need to make their love of this art into a joke
genuine expression of emotion is out right now, it's too edgy and pretentious
being candid and poetic about how you feel is cringe, you're supposed to make a video of you doing something silly or telling a joke, then follow it up with an out of pocket trauma dump like "I wish my dad hadn't left" or "everyday is worse than the last" (I'm not saying there's anything wrong with the style of comedy but if I have to hear another song that's written like a tweet I'm going to run away and live in the woods)
this has happened to a lot of songs, but since I like NIN and it's a good example, we'll keep using Closer
Trent Reznor is a very talented writer, and if you listen to Closer, it is very clearly about feeling like everything in your life feels so bad that you need sex so that you can feel good
when it became The House Party/Toppless Club Song, Reznor was very upset about it
I AM NOT SAYING YOU CANT BE TURNED ON BY THE SONG I am also not saying you can't joke about it
but you don't have to strip everything emotional of it's meaning to make it less cringe! just let yourself feel cringy emotions it's fine!
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burningboxes · 3 months
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a bit of a more serious post than usual so if you don't really wanna see that, i won't be upset at all if you keep scrolling.. the only reason why this is under a cut is because i myself don't really wanna look at it every time i scroll through my blog (is that a thing people do?? or am i just very self absorbed??? LMAO)
i'm a little concerned about urban himself and the direction he's taking his series.
like.. i'm all for creative expression, and i'm all for the idea of nobody policing anyone else's creative work for what can and can't be done in a certain narrative (let alone fiction in general), but i feel like the more interaction urban has had with his fanbase and the analog horror community in general, the more it's been affecting both him and his series.
i think that i should address his twitter presence and """controversy""" first, because that's the thing that's on everyone's mind when they hear "urbanspook" at this point.
i wanna preface this by saying that i fucking hate how people have been responding to all of this. what chezzkids and pastra are doing & have done is, indeed, harassment; they aren't criticizing urban's series, they're saying it shouldn't exist. both pastra and chezzkids can be quoted saying effectively the same thing: "urban should not have a platform, and by supporting him and his art, we're encouraging other people to make things similar to it, and that's bad." if you don't see the problem with that, let me spell it out for you: these are fascist, pro-censorship views that align with those of harmful far-right ideologies which call for the suppression of content made by and in support of marginalized people. if you're willing to overlook that because "icky shock horror bad!!!!", then i think you should log off of the internet and spend some time re-evaluating your perception of the world and those around you, especially those who are different than you. this man has been the victim of a targeted harassment campaign for, at most, a full year, and mocking him for lashing out as a result of said harassment is far more ableist than the phrase "autistic furry horror" will ever be.
with that being said, i greatly dislike the way urban conducts himself on twitter. yes, i know it's supposed to be ironic; yes, i know he's "trolling" and that everything he says on there is disingenuous..
...but this is the internet.
no one is going to genuinely believe it's all a big joke, no matter how many times urban says it and no matter how true it may be. they already don't see him from a very positive perspective, even if they don't have much of a justifiable reason to do so (although their reasoning is understandable to an extent), so playing up a purposefully "edgy, immature, rage-bait" persona might drive people away who may have otherwise been interested in the series. i've seen several testimonials from people who enjoy the series and have even created fan work, but are put off by urban's behavior on twitter, and some people have even gone so far as to claim that the series in of itself is objectively bad and devoid of any value solely because of the twitter situation despite not having watched a single video in the series. yeah, the whole point of the joke may be self-parody, the punchline might be that urban is playing up the analog horror community's wildly inaccurate perception of how he is as a person, but i feel like the joke's gone on a little bit too long to still be anything but harmful to urban and his presence on the internet. he's stated that after finishing his current series, he wants to step away from analog horror altogether and work on other things, but i fear that if the twitter antics continue the way they're going, that might not end up happening; either due to a lack of willingness on his part (after all, being around so much negativity for such a long time typically affects people very adversely), or due to a lack of remaining audience.
despite my concerns, however, it must be said that i don't know what any other communities he's active in are like, and if i had to guess, i would assume that his future work under the "urbanspook" name would be more in tune with his actual interests pertaining to the horror genre as opposed to anything in the orbit of the analog horror community. i could be completely wrong about the twitter business, and urban's effectiveness at creating things completely divorced from analog horror may not be compromised in the slightest. however, as a fan of his analog horror series, i still feel that it's important to suggest this possibility: even after it's finished, The Painter will still exist, and its association with this particular time in urban's online endeavors may make some people wary of giving it a chance when they otherwise may have enjoyed it.
speaking of urban's work, i think i should elaborate more on how urban's interactions with his fanbase are affecting the series itself as opposed to him and his online presence.
to put my view of where things are going in terms of urban's handling of the series, i remember reading a magazine interview with him at some point (i think it was either right before or right after PIGS was released) where he mentions that he got the idea of there being two killers from fan theories, which!! on paper it seems like a cool thing to do!! but recently with all of these new lore additions (ex., mask guy missing his face and acting like a dog, painter being female, revealing the killers' names at all, the episodes not being in chronological order, etc.), i'm starting to notice a sort of "matpat effect" (to coin a phrase) going on, where he's writing the story in such a way that canonizes fan theories just for the sake of canonizing those fan theories.. i don't find it very difficult to believe that all the people in his instagram/youtube comments asking the same exact questions over and over may have influenced his writing decisions a bit, and even though he himself has admitted he isn't the best writer, i think that the earlier episodes are the strongest of the series (sans PIGS and FAMILY, i love those two with all my heart and soul) and that urban's writing is best when it isn't influenced by the fanbase. (if anyone wants me to elaborate on this, let me know!! i might make a post at some point about what i think is different between the first few episodes and the newer episodes if anyone wants me to; i think legitimately analyzing this series is super fun and i have a lot of things to say about it!!)
all in all, i'm just really worried about urban. in the beginning, he seemed so adamant about being individual and unique with his series and his online presence; he defied so many expectations that people had regarding analog horror and those who create it and seemed so much happier to work on this series... but now it seems like he just wants to get it all over with so he can work on things he actually wants to work on, and all anyone sees him as is a caricature of someone who never even really existed in the first place outside of a moment of completely justified rage. his heart isn't in it anymore; at least, it doesn't seem like it to me, and i really hope that eventually all of this superficial, reactionary """controversy""" bullshit blows over and that maybe urban's remaining time in the analog horror community can be made at least a little bit more pleasant.
#boxes full of rambles#let's get serious#urbanspook#the painter urbanspook#urbanspook analog horror#i can already hear the twitter pissbabies laughing at this post and calling me a ''MeAtRiDeR 🤓'' but honestly? i dont giv a fucky#i'd rather support a guy whose only crime was quite literally doing a little trolling#than people who unapologetically engage in targeted harassment against someone for creating something that they cant milk for content#or for.. [checks notes] not adhering to the word of the Almighty God of Analog Horror Alex Kister/sarcasm#(if it isnt obvious already i hate the mandela catalog fandom and alex kister LMAO)#no but seriously#i dont know urban and i probably never will (at least not personally)#but i care about him a lot and i support him 110%#even if he might be a little bit of an asshole on twitter sometimes#he made something that served as a gateway for me to meet incredible people and experience some incredible things#even the bad stuff that came from being in this fandom taught me valuable lessons and gave me new insight on life#this is the first fandom that i've ever really felt comfortable and welcome in; the first fandom that i might've actually had an impact on#and no amount of whiny puritans or washed-up fnaftubers or subpar ''horror'' creators can change that#yeah the series might not be the best but things dont have to be The Best™ or even objectively good at all in order to be enjoyed#and i enjoy this series. i enjoy the series' fanbase. i enjoy that despite it all this series EXISTS and nothing can make it not exist#it happened and no one can change that and people will inevitably make more things like it and i LOVE THAT#so in conclusion fuck pastra fuck chezzkids fuck minaxa ESPECIALLY urban stays winning and so does this fanbase kthxbye
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fallingtowers · 10 months
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Serious question: do you see Disco Elysium as copaganda because it humanizes cops, despite its brutal condemnation of police work? If so, how do you square that with disliking Succession, which does the absolute Most to critique capitalist structures while humanizing (but not endearing) its characters because, yes, even the worst of the worst are human? This isn't meant in bad faith, I'm genuinely curious!
this got long so i'm putting it under a cut
i've grappled with the question of "is disco elysium copaganda" and, like, no, obviously de isn't copaganda in terms of intent; it's obviously a clearsighted and intentional critique of the police and capital at large. (i've had the same thoughts about the discworld city watch books, another piece of cop media that i like a lot and whose creator by and large seemed like a decent guy, even if pratchett was less of a Hardline Marxist than the za/um folks.)
however, i do think de occupies a kind of uneasy position in the cultural landscape because while, yes, it would be pretty tough to play that game and come away from it being like "wow! cops are great!" a LOT of people came away from it being like "wow! kim kitsuragi so cool! i love hdb he's my little meow meow!" and, at least in some cases, i think it might well lead to those people developing a voice in their mind which is sympathetic to irl cops.
TO BE CLEAR, i don't mean disco elysium Made People Like Cops. i mean it might have made certain people, on an emotional level, without realizing it themselves, more inclined to judge the actions of irl cops somewhat more sympathetically.
that isn't to say that disco elysium has done more bad than it has good -- i genuinely don't believe it has. i just mean to illustrate that talking about this stuff is by necessity a double-edged sword. humans are naturally inclined towards sympathy, and by showing someone's perspective in the way that de or succession do you're priming the audience to, while not necessarily liking that person, at least attempting to understand them.
this is a little problematic especially in the context of succession -- in a television drama, especially one of succession's caliber, we expect intriguing and complicated character motivations. and so we get this web of familial loyalties and obligations and neuroses, while in real life i doubt most rich right-wing media people operate on motivations much more complex than "i want to make lots of money, and if i get [insert minority here] killed in the process that's just a bonus."
"even the worst of the worst are human" -- this kind of ties into the point i'm making. yes, of course, but do we need media that shows this? there are other ways to critique capital without giving the spotlight over to the worst of the worst. no matter how starkly the spotlight picks out their flaws, the spotlight is still on them.
again, i don't think it's like a moral ill to watch succession. i don't think it's a particularly bad show. it's fine! i'm not even trying to argue that it's doing more harm than good -- for all i know, it might have driven home the fact that capitalism bad to tons of viewers who hadn't already internalized that knowledge. i guess all i'm saying is it makes me feel weird when people reblog my joke textposts and tag it with "#this is sooo roman" or whatever.
so, to sum up: is de copaganda? nah, not really, BUT. is succession actually propaganda? nah, probably not, BUT. and the "but" in both those cases is "but, even if you're reasonably certain the media you are consuming wasn't created to actively manipulate you, it is still a good idea to always apply the wisdom of 'i am not immune to propaganda' and think about how it might be affecting your opinions and biases subconsciously"
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matenrou-fan · 1 year
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Yandere! Gentaro with fem s/o
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Honestly, fling posse is my least favorite team from all divisions but I still kinda like Gentaro and Dice, so-- yeah..
yandere themes, gaslighting, manipulation, lying, using sedative drugs for off-label purpose, sadistic Gentaro, OOC, kidnapping, mentions of being chained up and have a collar and being trained, mention of pet/master relationship in the end;; 1686 words
Gentaro is one of the most mysterious characters in hypmic, so it's kinda hard to think about his personality around you, especially in Yandere mode.
Can't say if he has abandonment issues or something like that but I think that under his teasing and jokes, under all this calm and mysterious thoughtful personality he hiding pretty sensitive heart. And he really, really afraid that you will leave him alone, even when he's you "normal" boyfriend
But when he's yandere..? Uh oh. This fears eats him even more. Of course he will not show that, how can he? He's not delusional, and he's absolutely aware that his obsession over you grown up from wholesome loving attachments to something more.. dangerous. But he can't resist that.
Gentaro still so calm, always teasing you - maybe even more now - but when you will mention one of your friends or that you meet someone new, he get extremely jealous. And of course, he still didn't show that. Just simple smile, maybe he nod a little, while he leave a mental note in his mind that he should check up all this people around you.
He tries to find more about Ramuda and his past once so he can do something like that again, just to find something dirty about your friends, and he will not be ashamed. After all, he just trying to be a little bit protective, isn't it good for you, darling?
If he finds something bad he will immediately tell you, exposing all dirty facts. When you ask him how did he even find out something like that, he just simply shrug his shoulders and makes a surprising expression
"Darling, am I forgot to tell you that I was working with police once..? That was such a a high-profile case, and I helped them a lot.. and now they can help me with find the inside story to anybody in this town.." he looks at you then smirks "Usodesuyo~ Did you actually believes in this?"
Don't try to find the truth, he will never tells you, just keeps joke and lie to you.
Well, if his searches would be unsuccessful, who will stops him from lying, once again? He likes to tease you, and not only you, so he knows how to change his tone, expression, speech style so it would be actually sounds like truth, not like on of his mockery. You decided to talk with your friend and they deny everything, swearing that they never even think about something like that? Well, what did you expect? It's them lying this time, not Gentaro. You will believe him, right?
"I'm sorry, is my behavior counted against me? Now you don't trust me even when I'm talking serious?" - he ask quietly, with hint of seriousness in his tone. He's look calm but you can feel like if you try to argue this will ended up really bad.. It's just something about his gaze, something indescribable but threatening..
Really good in manipulation, will gaslight you. Where's you going? You promise him that you will spend this weekends with him, did you actually forget? What do you mean you already made an appointment with someone else? It's doesn't matter if it's your friends, family or something for study/work, you promised him before you planned your others meets, that's mean you should choose him.
Know how to push in right places, makes you feel guilty for not caring about him enough. He's a writer and sometimes it's can be really hard on work, and he doesn't have too much free time due to rap battles, and now you deny his invitation to have dinner in his house, when he finally find time for you..? How cruel, darling..
If he start this all just out of fear of being abandonment, then now he start to get more and more joy out of this situation. It's just so fun to play with you, you confused guilty face is just what he need. Also, he always was a little bit controlling, just don't really shows that, but now this urge to be in charge of your life get even bigger, and he will use all ways to control you.
He's not only a good lair, but a good actor too, sighing disappointed or looks away with sad face when it's needed just for you to cancel all your plans.
He's addicted to you but you will never realised that, just how good he can hide everything behind this calm mysterious look. You sure notice that he start to be more clingy now but you will immediately shutting yourself down. How can you be so heartless? He just trying to show you more of his attention while he can, and you just calls him clingy...
He will soon see his works had not been fruitless - you start to spend more and more time with him even by your own initiatives, almost forgetting about your friends and family. He just need to push you even more
In his ideal plan you needed to become as much obsessed with him as he with you, maybe even more. Gentaro can be pretty sadistic and he just wants you to be under his full control
The fact that you start to slowly breaking by his pressure makes him more amused, but still.. He's a little inpatient. Just how long you will be like this, just feeling guilty but not cling to him as he's the only one in the whole world that you need to life? Why you still thinking about your friends? Yes, now he can manipulate you to cancel your plans with them but you still text and call them, when you will finally forget about them?
Just when you two will have a really huge fight for the whole evening after what you will suddenly drop on your kneels, crying and begging for his forgiveness, too overwhelmed and tired with all this stress, then he realized what he actually need.
This situation just open his eyes and make him think in a new ways, with a big smirk on his face as he can't forget the tingling feeling inside his whole body as you look up at him with such pathetic face. And the way you grab his legs just so cute and helpless..
So, one day he will simply ask you to come in his house. He just brought a interesting spices and try something new in cooking, the flavor is a little bit strange and now he wants to hear your opinion. Everything will be so regular, you don't even sense a trap that he's already prepare to you.
When you two will sit in his house, you enjoying the food - it's actually have some strange aftertaste but you don't mind, thinking it's just spices, then he suddenly start to talk with his casual calm tone:
"Oh.. I actually didn't tell you how I get this ingredients, huh?" - he's holding a little jar, filled with something, looking at it with playful smile.
"It's from India, and it's maded of herbs, pretty old recipes and very rare one.. Well, one of my friends is related to all this export and import business, so he brings me this little thing for old time's sake. When he gives me this, he tell me a little story, you wanna hear?" - you simply nod, feeling a little bit sleepy after such a warm delicious food - "They tells that long time ago there was a beautiful princess, what lived around people, and terrifying monster, that lived in a lonely forests, all alone. And one day he accidentally see a princess, when she was walking near forest with her entourage and he immediately wanted a princess to be with him, so he collected this herbs, trying to mix them into sedative, so he can kidnaps her and let her live just next to him, all alone together. That's why this spices called... Oh, am I a bad storyteller? Well, anyways, it's all was a lie" - he sigh, looking at you as you're already sleeping peacefully, still holding fork in your arm.
"That worked much faster than I expected, my princess.. Should we begin?"
...
You will awake in unfamiliar place, feel a little bit dizzy. As you slowly look around you realize it's something like a basement, and you're not only chained up but also.. have a collar around you neck...? It's even have the clasp for the collar, just like a dog's or cat's one..!
As you sitting here, absolutely confused, trying to remember what happened yesterday, you suddenly hear as someone slowly get down to your place.
Your eyes widen as you see Gentaro, calm as always, hiding something behind his back, as he get closer to you with his usual smile.
"Already wake up, princess? That's good" - he down on one knee, caressing your cheek lovingly. As soon as you slaps his arm, demanding to explain everything, he will just scoff, his expression immediately change. He don't need to use this mask now anyways.
"I see you actually more bratty then I thought" - he's voice more quiet but his tone make you shiver, it was worse than if he would just scream at you. And this unexpected sadistic gaze that he have now, along with big smirk.. It was so not like him, you get so scared.
"What's wrong, darling? Didn't you just try to hit me?" - he laugh maliciously - "But I'm glad that you're that understanding. That's mean our training will be really successful"
You just look at him, absolutely terrified. You never really know what he wants and what his next step, but this is what attracted you to him, but now.. you have no idea what he will do with you, and that though make you tremble, while he slowly cup you face with both his hands.
"Don't worry, love.. You'll be a good at training. And very soon I will make you my obedient little pet.." - he laugh with sick smile.
"So, tell me, s/o, are you ready to listen for your master?♡"
[END]
18 notes · View notes
mikkokomori · 2 years
Note
did
did you just call me a blorbo
This is a new experience for me-
Anyway hell yeah you see me every time your content is cool as shit 👍
Also are you being serious about the thing that you crossed out bc yes I will like to know
I call you my little pogchamp/j AHAHDBCNFJDJNFD JOKING ASIDE thank you,,,, for liking my content,,,,,it means a lot,,,,,,,,,
Also yes!! I am being absolutely serious about the Neutral ending!!!!!! I only technically have 1 of them sort of figured out, though I may end up changing it in the near future,,,,,, for now though, I'll be putting down what I currently have under the read more :))
Do keep in mind, my own OMARI AU is slightly darker and violent (at least to me)! I may not have shown it in my artworks for it, but I do indeed imply that the stuff going down in the AU is not for the faint of heart!
Now then, I will begin to explain what I had in mind for the neutral endings! (With some censoring lolol)
I had discussed this with a friend of mine (some of you know her as Sushi, who I have mentioned in the past) about how it would go, and here's what I technically came up with:
The scenario plays out in which everyone decides to agree to staying at Mari's house for a sleepover. Although, Mari ends up shutting herself inside her piano room. We then get a point of view switch with Hero, and throughout the remainder of what goes on, we see things from his perspective as he stays with the rest of the gang.
Naturally, this is were the Neutral route begins. Hero does in fact have the option to check up on her, although both outcomes will not look pretty at all.
Neutral Ending 1:
Hero decides to check up on Mari, but in doing so, the door ends up locking by itself behind him. Mari is seen standing near her piano, which has been covered up by a white cloth and has sat there collecting dust. Hero attempts to talk to her before realizing she is holding her signature, unnaturally sharp, scissors. Any attempts of trying to pacify her fails as it only seems to rile her up.
This in turn begins as a one-sided fight. Mari repeatedly attacks Hero while he does nothing except block out any heavy blows to the best of his ability.
Unfortunately, this does not end on a good note for Hero.
Obviously, the sound of them fighting will alert one of the friends, and they will go and see what's going on-- although it becomes too late as they break through the locked door to see a dead Hero and a worn out Mari. They ask what happened and, due to being out of it and another being scared of what will happen if they realized what she did, Mari claims that Hero attempted a murder-suicide, and that she simply only tried to defend herself (which is. a lie.)
Two of them would be heartbroken while one of them will grow suspicious-- that person being Basil.
In the end, after dealing with the police and-- quite literally getting away with it-- Mari leaves the next day....... not without two ghosts of the people she loved watching her. This is then considered the end of this route.
Neutral Ending 2:
Hero does NOT go and check up on her, and in the end goes back to rejoin the group once more. In doing so, this ending leads down to the ever-famous tree hanging! Or at least, similar to it :)
As the group decide to spend their time in the living room, they quickly fall asleep. Timeskip..... The group the next day wake up early morning, only to find Hero missing. As they search for him, Aubrey and Kel come across the fact that the piano room is no longer locked, while Basil realizes that Mari is also nowhere to be found.
Cue the grand reveal!!!! The two older figures of the group can be seen dangling like lifeless dolls above the rosebushes (above his resting place). This is the end for this route.
These endings aren't exactly considered official in the AU, so they may change through time. Unless if you guys like one of them enough, I'll consider keeping it, but as of now, there is no telling for sure. Of course, I am also open to suggestions!
I do try to make sure I don't stray far away from their personalities, so if I do, sorry about that!!! Along with that, I base Mari off of my own experiences as an older sister and what I'd think she'd react when it comes to carrying grief and guilt.
Aheem aheem,,,,,, I don't remember what else I was going to say but,,,,,,,, thank you for giving me a reason to talk about my OMARI AU,,,,,,,, I only ever really have one person listening to me so the fact that some people show interest in it really makes me happy,,,,,,, :]
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enfant-du-fleurs · 2 years
Text
on the horns of a dilemma part 1 // Jake Kiszka x Female Reader
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WARNINGS: angst, strong language, cheating, mention of alcohol and other substances.
NOTE: Hi! Well, as you all can see, this is my first fanfiction EVER, so maybe this could be very shitty, but I put all my blood, sweat and tears on this, and I’m not joking with putting my tears on this because I was crying meanwhile I was writing this, so… enjoy it. Also, english is not my first language but if I write my fanfics in my language... nobody is going to read it, so pardon me if there is a mistake c: There is A LOT of songs references.
Words: +11,000
Pairing: Jake Kiszka x Female Reader
SUMMARY: Jake is one of your closest friends since you were on middle school, they have grown up together, but you always had a crush on him, you never considered yourself attractive enough to be with him. Now, Jake is getting married and you're realizing that maybe if you had been a little braver a while ago, things would be very different. Everyone is tangled up on the horns of a dilemma.
PLAYLIST
SEE YOU SOON – BEABADOOBEE
I WILL - MITSKI
MOON SONG – PHOEBE BRIDGERS
ANNA (GO TO HIM) – THE BEATLES
THE WINNER TAKES IT ALL (COVER)– CARLA BRUNI
KNOWING ME, KNOWING YOU (COVER) – ANGIE MCMAHON
CRY – CIGARRETTES AFTER SEX
BACK TO THE OLD HOUSE – THE SMITHS
TAKE CARE – BEACH HOUSE
I'D HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT - LEITH ROSS
WIFE – MITSKI
_____________________________________________________________
Y/N’s POV:
Dear Diary,
Here I am after about... 13 years, maybe? Maybe more. I'm an adult now and I feel stupid to write here again, but maybe that's what I need, because if I tell this to someone in my circle of friends, they will surely see me as the most horrible and dumbest person in the world, although maybe I am.
As I had already written a long time ago, I've always loved Jake, perhaps when I met him, I only appreciated him as a good friend, but over time, Jake inevitably won my heart. When I was about 15 years old, I was finally able to accept that I liked Jake, but I didn't want to say or do anything about it, I didn't want to damage our friendship because it was one of the most important things to me after growing up a bit alone in such a small town. I just didn't want to lose him.
In addition to the fact that I never consider myself pretty enough for him to like me, because… he was always a very handsome boy, he got along with everyone and had many girls behind him, but the best of all is the way he treats everyone, always friendly, looking into your eyes, paying attention to every word and movement, these details made many people (like me) fall at their feet. Their girlfriends were gorgeous and I... I was just like the song; I was a teenage dirtbag compared to all of them.
I saw him fall in love many times, I listened to him every time he told me about some girl he liked, as well as every time his heart was broken even though mine was five times more broken, but I always had a piece of advice to tell him. There was a time when Jake would ask me a lot if I liked someone, but I always told him that no one in particular, always tried to change the subject of the conversation by making the worst jokes that could exist. He also saw me have some "romantic" approaches with other people, but nothing serious, in fact, I've always tried not to tell him if I liked someone, because I could never fall in love in the full sense of the word with someone other than him.
One time, when we were... roughly 16 or 17 years old, we were at an "underground" party with Josh (it was our first party of many) where we ended up terribly drunk. I still don't understand how the police never arrested us for possession of alcohol. Well... that's not the point, the important thing here is that on that day, precisely on that day, on a random May 16, he gave me a long, passionate kiss out of nowhere, he took my face in his hands, walked over without warning, and just kissed me. Why did he kiss me? He did it because he was... drunk, as far as I know, that’s why he did it, not because he had feelings for me, even Josh was shocked by that, but I remember being petrified processing what the hell was going on. The next day I had asked Jake if he remembered what had happened at the party, but he was sure he didn't. The answer was clear, he was never attracted to me.
Just as I watched Jake grow up and he watched me grow up, I also saw how his dreams were coming true, he was finally living his best life, he had the band of his dreams along with his friend and brothers. What more could he ask for? I was happy for him, genuinely happy to see him on stage shining with his family because yes, Danny was his brother too. I attended almost all the concerts of the band and I was moved in the same way because it filled me with pride to see him at school events, then in bars to huge venues, it's something indescribable and priceless.
Now... why did I do a little recap? the problem (well, at least for me it is a problem) is that obviously a lot of time has passed and although I repeatedly had the opportunity to tell Jake how I feel, but I just never had the guts to tell him and the big problem with this is that... he is going to get married in a couple of months, he hasn't told me personally yet, in fact I found out through Josh a couple of hours ago, I don't know why Jake hasn't told me yet and I'd rather not know, but anyway tomorrow we'll go to a cafe to have breakfast, well… we are no longer young enough to spend a whole night glued to the bar, we can’t  resist the same amount of alcohol in contrast to everything we used to drink when we were younger, although it’s not like we are extremely old now, but… is not the same as it was.
He has been with his girlfriend for a long time, I know her, she’s an angel, a very nice person and... I understand why Jake loves her so much, she is intelligent, nice, beautiful and is the type of person that makes you feel calm. As much as I want to, I can't hate her. I never saw her as competition because that idea seems absurd to me, besides there is no point of comparison, Jake is the Sun, she is the Moon and I am not even a star, they complement each other quite well.
______________________________________________________________
The next day, you went to the usual cafe in downtown Nashville, you were a little late and worried about leaving Jake waiting for so long, but when you entered the cafe, you didn't see him at first glance, which crushed your heart, but after looking closely, at the most hidden table, you identified his back. Despite the years, he kept his long hair, that day his hair was slicked back, and he was wearing his white cropped shirt. The years still didn't pass through his face. By this time, Jake had already removed his mustache, so he looked like he was back in his early 20s.
You gave him a little pat on the shoulder and proceeded to sit in front of him; seeing you, he greeted you with a friendly smile.
“Forgive me for being so late, I hope you didn't have to wait so long” you said while you noticed a peculiar shine in his eyes.
“Bah, don’t worry, If you took a hundred years to arrive, I would stay waiting for you all those hundred years” His answer made you feel a slight tingling in your stomach just like when you were a teenager “You are my best friend, I would wait for you as long as it was and especially because I have something magnificent to tell you” continued breaking all the charm, again -the best friend-.
“Oh yeah, well, go ahead” you said with a low-key forced smile.
“Okay, but first… let's eat something, I already ordered some pancakes, you just need to order something”
The waitress came over so you could order your breakfast; since your stomach hurt from being nervous, you only ordered a small sandwich and chamomile tea. As you and Jake ate, you kept glancing at him to see if he noticed you were looking at him and tell you why you were having breakfast together, you knew very well that it was to tell you about his wedding, you wanted to hear it come out of his mouth, but at the same time... you also wanted him not to say it and instead of inviting you to his wedding, you wanted him to tell you that his relationship with his partner had finished and then escape together from the cafeteria riding a horse with a golden mane, although you knew perfectly well that it was something very far from reality since he was apparently madly in love with his future wife. Even though you loved him, you felt bad for even imagining in the silliest way that he might change his mind about the wedding.
Jake lost his gaze in your tea to take a deep breath.
"Remember when... we said we hated Tears in Heaven?" he asked you meanwhile a giggle came out from his mouth.
Your eyes widened like two blooming flowers upon hearing his question and you answered serenely accompanied by a goofy smile "Of course I remember. And to think that Eric Clapton has praised you many times, only if he knew."
"It's that we had heard it so many times until we hated it."
“Yeah... but it's sad that baby died.” you took a sip of your tea taking away your gaze from him.
There was a moment of silence again, but Jake broke it with a sigh, "We've grown up together and we've come so far. Who knew we'd do so well in life? You as a journalist and me as a musician, everything is amazing, looking back at the things we've accomplished and now that we're in our early thirties...time goes by so fast."
"It's been a long time... now we're two adults who are doing... well, you're doing great."
"You're doing amazing too, you're one of the most recognized journalists in America."
You blushed letting out a shy smile that gradually faded "Well yes... but, I don't know, lately I haven't been feeling all that well emotionally. Sometimes I want to forget everything."
Jake frowned at your last words "Why? Is there something you want to talk about?" he leaned towards you and was looking for your gaze even though he sensed that you didn't want to look him in the eye.
"It's just... I don't even know why I feel like this" you lied "I think now I'm regretting not having done many things when I had the opportunity to do it" your gaze was lost to avoid eye contact, but Jake’s gaze was so piercing that it was hard not to see his eyes “But I don't want to ruin our breakfast so...”
"If you need to tell me something, I'll always be there for you, it doesn't matter if it's something silly for you, I'll always listen to you" he rubbed his thumb against the back of your cold hand, although you wanted to have physical contact with him, you slowly removed your hand. He was a little disappointed that you took your hand away from him, but on one hand he understood and continued "Well, we better change the subject of the conversation, don't you think?" you nodded and he continued "So... I told you to come here to tell you something extremely" this was where you realized that he was going to tell you what you already knew when you saw how his eyes lit up and his cheeks were pink; he looked genuinely happy "I haven't told you because like I told you…I can't process it but…I'm getting married!"
You feigned astonishment as you took another sip of your tea, but your heart was being crushed. As you set the cup down on the table, you looked up to meet Jake's eyes with a smile that hid pain. "Oh, Jakey. That's great! When is the wedding?"
"I knew you would be happy!" he took a sip of his tea "It will be May 16, but it won't be here, it will be in Scotland. Of course, you are invited, in fact, I would like you to help me a little with the organization"
When you heard the wedding date, you felt an emptiness in your chest and your eyes quickly began to fill with tears. The desire to cry betrayed you and began to fall from your eyes.
“Oh my god, Y/N! Are you okay?” he asked tenderly.
"Yes, yes, of course I am, I'm just... I'm very happy for you and I'm crying with happiness. That's it" once again you lied and tried to wipe away your tears.
Jake showed his perfect smile again that could collide the whole town "You had scared me for a moment" he giggled "But it makes me happy that you are happy and especially for accompanying me in important moments."
You couldn't feel bad about him, you couldn't hate him, or his fiancée, but you did hate the fact that things could be different.
While Jake was eating his breakfast calmly, you hurried to finish yours, you didn't want to be there with him anymore because you were going to keep crying and that was going to worry him.
Once you finished your sandwich and your tea you said "Well... my good old FRIEND" you made a clear emphasis on the word friend "I have to go because I have to prepare for an interview with... Tom Hiddleston, so that... I am very happy to see you and see that you are well and especially that you are getting married. As for your proposal to help you with the organization, I will have to check it and as soon as I know if I am not so busy, I will tell you" you asked for the bill of what you ate and as fast as you could... you left the cafe, not even Jake could tell you "goodbye" and on the one hand, that's how you wanted it to be because you didn't want to hear a "goodbye" from him. Also, about the interview with Tom Hiddleston, it was also fake but not impossible and you wanted to make him a little bit jealous since he knew how much you liked Tom Hiddleston when you were younger. Jake noticed that something wasn't right when he saw that later you didn't react the way he wanted, but far from feeling angry, he was very worried about you. He was hurt to see how gradually your behavior from "crying for happiness" changed to literally running away from there.
Once outside, you ran to your car and headed home. You didn't want to know anything about anyone. It was all so overwhelming it just made you want to kick Nashville to hell, be quiet and drive away.
_____________________________________________________________
­­­­­­­­­­­­­­Y/N’s POV:
Dear Diary.
It’s me Y/N again being ridiculous and childish as always.
I went to breakfast with Jake to give me the damn news that he's getting married. He just wanted to see me there to tell me that he will have his wedding, he also wants me to help him with the organization and honestly, I can't do it, I couldn't bear to see him again, I feel so heartbroken and embarrassed by how I acted. I felt bad for having lied to him so many times in just one day.
I know I'm being fucking selfish, I know, but I've spent a lot of time hiding my feelings for fear of losing him and now I'm losing his friendship for being weird and losing him at the same time. I feel so stupid because I don't understand why I'm reacting this way right now as an adult, because honestly with all these negative feelings, I feel like when I was in high school, and I saw him with his girlfriend from back then.
It's impossible to hate them and I never will, it's impossible, they're both so lovely but they hurt me, but do you know what triggered my crying to come out? It was the damn date, the same day that Jake ever kissed me, that same day but from now...he's getting married. It disappoints me to know that day was only important to me, but I can't do anything about it, I can't force him to love me and after all... he deserves to be happy.
I don't know if I'll be able to attend his wedding, but I definitely won't be able to help him to organize it. I'll see what excuse I'll come up with to keep my distance. I know what I'm going to do is horrible, but I need to do something for the sake of my emotional stability.
______________________________________________________________
­­­­­­­­ To "calm down a bit", you spent the rest of the morning and afternoon watching movies like "My Best Friend's Wedding" and other romcoms to maybe comfort yourself a bit. You wanted to fool yourself that there was a chance you could cancel all plans and stay with Jake.
At some point in their friendship, they had said that if they both stayed single, they would get married and be together because they got along quite well, but the paths of life are not always as we want and although there were always people in love with you, you were always the maid of honor but never the bride.
When the sun set, you took the beer out of your fridge and gave in to the urge to drink one after another until you were completely drunk, although you were always aware of your actions while you were under the influence of alcohol, this time you stopped worrying about what you would do, you were so drunk that you bawled the lyrics of all those songs that expressed your pain, from Dolly Parton to The Smiths with "Back To The Old House", returning with ABBA and for the punchline: "Anna" by The Beatles. What you needed most was a hug and although anyone could give you a simple hug, you needed to feel the warm arms of your beloved Jake around you, but his hugs didn’t belong to you, they belonged to someone else, and it had always been that way. Your phone started ringing over and over again, checking who was calling you saw that the one calling you was Jake. You didn't feel like talking and you felt sorry that he realized you were crying.
"Jake?" you took the call "What happened? Do you need anything?" you asked letting out a tiny sob.
On the other end of the phone, Jake noticed that you were sobbing "Are you okay? It's just... I'm calling to ask if you're okay, I heard a weird sound and, in the morning, at breakfast, you left very quickly. You were fine and then... you left me"
When he said the last thing, your heart was crushed and you remained silent although the alcohol was nothing to cause you to confess everything, your brain was reluctant to say anything inappropriate "Oh... it's that... I told you, I had many things... to... do" your voice betrayed the amount of alcohol you were drinking "and... I had to... go"
"Are you drunk?"
"Um... kinda. Why?"
"Y/N, I've known you for a long time, obviously I'll know when you're drunk... and without me"
Jake tried to joke, but instead of making you laugh it made you sadder.
"Yes... I'm drunk, terribly drunk and yes, I'm also crying over a stupid movie. You know how sensitive I am"
Jake chuckled. "What movie are you watching?"
"Nope, I'm not going to tell you the name of this fucking movie, I don't want to ruin your day, or your week, or your month, or your life..."
"Okay? Well... I just wanted to know how you were because I was intrigued by what happened this morning and I even got upset and thought that you were mad or that I had done something that bothered you... next time you get drunk, invite me over, okay?"
"Yes Jacob... it's fine, I'll buy the drinks next time" your breathing (now calmer) could be heard.
"So... Are you sure you’re okay?"
"Yes... I am. Why? I already told you why I was crying"
"No, no, not for nothing" he sighed "I think... it's time to hang up. Anything you need I'm just a phone call or text away from you, well… you know. So bye!"
You wiped your nose with the back of your hand "Okay, I'll call you later" you moved the phone away from your ear and hung up.
Talking with him was relaxing, especially since he didn't mention anything about his wedding, apart from the fact that he had cared for you, it was very comforting to know that although his heart belonged to someone else, he would always be there for you.
Although you had kept your feelings to yourself for YEARS and had already seen him with several couples throughout this year, you had never been so scared and so sad as now. You needed immediate advice, but you were too embarrassed to give the context.
The first person you thought of was Josh, just like Jake, knows each other very well and was always close, plus you were sure that he suspected about your feelings towards his twin since the day of that mythical kiss. Either way, he was going to find out.
You texted Josh to come over telling them you needed some advice, he always had something to tell you and his advice was good thanks to his honesty, sometimes it hurt and many times it was far from what you wanted to hear, but without a doubt... it was what you had to do, and even if his mouth was full of reason, though that didn't mean you always put his advice into practice.
Josh responded quickly and agreed to come to your house, luckily his house wasn't far from yours, so it didn't take him long to get there. Once in your house, when you opened the door, he saw your red and swollen eyes, he felt your sadness and without further ado, he gave you the warmest hug that your heart needed.
"What happened?" you separated from him so that he could go inside the house.
Once inside and the two of you sitting in different armchairs you collapsed in tears "It's just... I feel so selfish for feeling like this, I should be happy and not feel so miserable."
"But if it's making you feel bad, I think it's better to let what you feel out, don't you think?"
"Just… please, I know I'm going to sound stupid, and I don't want you to judge me."
"Why should I judge you? I'm here for a reason and it's not the first time you trust me with something."
You took a deep breath to prepare yourself for what you were going to say since that would be the first time you would say it out loud and to someone else "The thing is that... it's that... I love Jake and always It's been like that but I'm a horrible person who never had the guts to tell him. Now he's going to marry a wonderful woman and he'll never know how much I love him."
Josh was extremely surprised at your confession; both of his eyes were wide open that it seemed that at any moment they would pop out “Damn...” He was silent for a few seconds to be able to process the information "I just don't know what to tell you this time and it must be one of the most horrible feelings. Why didn't you say anything to him?"
"Because I'm a coward... just because of that, because I was always embarrassed to tell him. Seeing him as he almost always got away with beautiful and intelligent girls, there was simply no chance for me, so I just watched as he was happy."
"I don't know if it's appropriate to tell you this right now" Josh sighed "but maybe if you had told him before, things would be extremely different now. Don't tell him that I told you, but some years ago he had feelings for you too, he told me almost every night, but he never did anything about it because even though you are his best friend, he always felt that you were a little cold, so he was afraid of being rejected and throwing the friendship away” he rolled his eyes “Fuck, you two are so dumb as hell. I bet if he finds out about this he's going to collapse."
"Collapse in what sense?" you said between sobs.
"Collapse in the sense that he's going to feel like an idiot" he covered his face with both hands.
"And if he loved me too, why didn't he do anything? Why did he go with other girls? Was I only his second choice? I have so many questions... that the more I think, the more it hurts."
"It's not like you were second choice to him, just that he's a cowardly fool, plus if I had no idea about you liked him, I'll bet my throat and left foot he has no idea either."
"I believe you, but it's hard for me to understand because even the date of his wedding will be on very special dat, at least for me"
"May 16" you said at the same time.
"See, you do remember that party and he doesn't, he never remembered that he kissed me"
"I had understood that at some point you two had kissed, but... I don't know why he chose that day specifically"
"Because he doesn't remember and maybe he did it before, but nowadays, I assure you that he doesn't remember"
"Assuming he finds out about this. Would you like him to dump his girlfriend?"
You kept silent because if you said yes, you were afraid Josh thinking badly of you "No, I don't want that to happen. I just want him to be happy and knowing him, knowing me, I think the best thing would be go away from him, it would be the best thing I can do, for my mental health, for his happiness and mine too. It wouldn't be fair to his fiancée if he left her on the eve of something so important."
"Sometimes you put others above yourself and that makes you not be honest with yourself, but I get it and if you think go away from Jake would make you feel better, it’s okay." he sat next to you to give you a hug again "Of course we would miss you a lot, but it's very understandable." he rubbed your shoulder with his strong hand.
"I would miss you guys a lot too" you sobbed "and in fact, I'm not going to attend their wedding or maybe I'll go for a while, but I don't think I can stand it. To make matters worse, he asked me to help him with the organization, but... I don't know how to tell him no because I don't want to lie to him anymore, that was enough lies, today I told him I had to interview Tom Hiddleston to get away from him."
"Why don't you write him a letter? You're good at writing and maybe it's easier for you to write about you feel than to tell him"
"Well... that would be less humiliating, but I think I would have to find the most prudent moment to give it to him"
You two continued the conversation, Josh made you laugh but sometimes the crying came back and you cursed yourself because you felt your behavior was childish but Josh made you understand that your feelings were valid, after all you spent SO MANY years holding them back and at some point moment, like a bomb, they were going to explode, and although some people say that time heals all, time never healed your love for Jake.
When Josh left, you were already calmer, down to earth and you didn't feel dizzy either, so you took a blank sheet of paper and a pencil, it was here where you would leave all your love for Jake.
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­­­­­­­­­­­­Dear Jacob,
First, I want to thank you for so many years of friendship, for so many experiences together, drunkenness, concerts, sad moments and of course, happy moments. I'm glad to know how much we spent together.
I recently found out that at some point, you used to feel something for me, something more that you wouldn't feel for a friend, but you never said anything because you were afraid that I would reject you, although that didn’t stop you from going your way. For better or worse, these feelings...were and are mutual to this day, however, my pride never let me be honest even with myself, and I didn't have the guts to tell you face to face either, but now it's too late.
This letter is not to reproach you or complain, but this is to tell you how much I love you and that I want you to be happy, but just as I want you to be happy, I also want to be happy too after repressing my feelings and desires for a very long time, so it's my time to go. Although we are adults, I want you to know I need time to grow and to exist. I don't want you to feel guilty, finally the one who fell in love was me.
I want to leave you in peace because you deserve to be happy, you and your fiancée are two amazing people who deserve everything, I want your dreams to continue to come true, that your life with her is prosperous and that the love you have between you stays strong. I don't know how long I'll be gone, but please don't look for me, I just know that I'll come back at the right time. I’ll take advantage of this trip to grow emotionally and professionally, I think I will be in Latin America to continue doing my job as a journalist. But please, again I implore you not to look for me, we both must live and continue our lives.
As you can guess, I won’t be able to assist to your wedding, I know that you are probably thinking that I am selfish, but I’m doing this for the good of both of us, it wouldn’t be healthy even for you
Promise me you'll be fine and happy.
Without more to say, thank you for everything, I will always be grateful to you, and I understand that things happen for a reason, and I love you, I love you so much that that is why I am leaving you so that we can exist.
I have no hard feelings, so... I’ll let you go, and I love you Jacob, but you're not mine.
See you soon.
Sincerely, Y/N
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While you were writing, the tears were present, remembering every beautiful moment you had with him, from the time he sang to you on your birthday with his beautiful smile, the first concert you attended together, the prom, when he announced that a label record company offered them a contract. Thanks to the friendship between you and Jake, you learned a lot of things, you lived the most wonderful experiences, but it was time to close cycles, perhaps in Latin America you would find another vision of things, start over, and maybe meet another person with whom to share beautiful moments as well as with Jake, but with reciprocated feelings for the other.
You decided to go to sleep because you had that tired feeling that comes after crying a lot. What motivated you a little bit was thinking that tomorrow would be a different day and that anything could await you. Although it was difficult to admit it, there was still a small hope that Jake would tell you that all this time he has loved you with madness and passion, even if it sounded silly and fanciful.
After sleeping like a baby, you woke up tangled with the sheets of your bed, you felt your pillow a little wet, you thought it could have been your saliva, but it was because even when you were asleep you cried a little.
You rubbed your eyes to see a little clearer and thus get up, once out of bed, you immediately went for a glass of water. You took your phone and there were several missed calls from Jake, when you saw the notifications, you felt your stomach shrink and you were even tempted not to call him back to unsettle him a bit, but you couldn't do that kind of thing to him.
“Hi, what’s up?” you greeted.
"Are you okay? Are you feeling okay?"
"Jacob, I don't know what you're talking about. Why do you say that?" you were really disconcerted because although obviously you weren't well, it was strange that he was worried out of nowhere.
"Oh…it's just, well, I'm not supposed to tell you this" he paused a bit.
"Tell me what?"
"It's just...I was talking to Josh last night and honestly...we were talking about you for most of the call. He's worried about you, he told me he'd been to see you and that you looked really bad, like sick and depressed, so I told him that it made sense because I told him what happened at the cafe"
You started to worry because you thought Josh had ratted you out, but you decided not to go any further.
"Did he tell you just that?"
"Yes, it was just that. Why?"
"No, no, it's just... he has a point"
"Y/N, please how can I help you? I'm shocked and worried for you as you have no idea"
You didn't answer, you stayed silent, and you could only hear how you were breathing. You wanted to cry, but you were able to contain your tears.
"It's just... emotionally I haven't felt good, I'm far from feeling good and I've repressed myself for a long time to the point that it's affecting me mentally"
"If you want to tell me something specific, I'm here, I listen to you and if you want, I can drive you home. Whatever you need"
"I have many things to tell you, there are many things you should know but now is not the right time" you sighed "Is that why you called me?"
"Oh... well, in this case, I understand that you don't want to talk about this right now, but when you tell me we can meet" you imagined his smile at that moment "and yes, I called you precisely because of that, also I felt that our last call was a biting and I got even more concerned about what Josh told me."
"Oh, sorry if I sounded rude or something, but I really wasn't very open to talking to you."
"Did I do or say something to upset you?"
"I don't want to go into details, but it's not something you need to worry about. In fact, I have something to give you as soon as possible."
"Well, I have the night off tonight, we could have a drink. If you want, I could ask my fiancée to join us and spend quality time the three of us"
You rolled your eyes because the last thing you wanted was for someone else to be there, you just wanted to have time with him, alone "Come on Jake, I don't want to be the third wheel" you snorted.
"But it's not the first time we'd do it, we did a double date once, do you remember? You were with that guy who was a Weezer fan"
"Pff... that happened a long time ago" you forced a giggle "of course I remember, but you said it yourself, it was a double date and now I would go completely alone. I would feel more comfortable if it was just the two of us. I don't have nothing against her, but it's something a little... more personal"
"Okay? I think I know where this is going"
"No Jake, you have no idea, I bet you"
Jake laughed "It's not like you're going to tell me that all this time you were in love with me, you're so unpredictable that I could expect anything but that from you"
The slight smile that was on your face was disappearing, sometimes you felt like pushing him or kicking his butt because of how silly he was, finally you didn't expect much because even though he was cute and you loved him a lot, he was a man.
"Don't get your hopes up, Jake" you tried to joke although you were discouraged "but aside from any joke or whatever you think it is... it's something extremely important, almost confidential, but as I told you, I won't give you more details"
"Okay, okay, I get it" he made his usual giggle that made you feel butterflies in your stomach "At the usual bar?"
"Yep, the usual bar"
Throughout the day you were checking flights to Argentina, Brazil, Chile and Mexico, it distracted you a little from the pain to decide which country you would go to start over. You finally chose to go to Mexico since you had family there and that way you wouldn't be so alone.
You were constantly stopping to think if what you were doing was the right thing, you even considered that you were being very impulsive, but you couldn't keep holding back like that either. It was now or never. You finally bought your ticket to Mexico City at 10:30am for tomorrow. After buying your ticket, you were looking for an Airbnb to stay for a week while you got an apartment and work there. Maybe you were being a little impulsive, but you knew it was best for Jake and you.
You were looking forward to the night, but your stomach hurt a little from the nerves, however it was something controllable. You planned almost everything you would say to him to avoid any undesirable situation, even if you were already in an undesirable situation. You most likely knew things weren't going to go your way, but you still stuck to your "plan."
Basically, your plan was to extend the conversation and just before leaving, you were going to give him your letter explaining that he had to read it when he was calm and comfortable, that it was not necessary for him to read at that moment, but alone.
It was time to go to the bar, you didn't try to get ready, it was just a pair of mom jeans, a plain black long-sleeved shirt, a cardigan, and a red scarf, it wasn't really cold, but you liked your scarf, besides that made you feel protected at times like these. Also, your makeup was very simple, you just put a little eyeliner that adorned your sad eyes. You took your letter and put it in an envelope, it had no decoration or anything like that, you just sprayed a little of your usual perfume so that it would not be something so apparently simple, because what really mattered was each word that was written on the sheet of paper.
On the way, you were playing with your fingers, also every so often you were rubbing your hands on your lap to remove the sweat from them. The driver saw you so nervous that he avoided making conversation with you, a gesture that you appreciated with a generous five stars as a review.
From outside you could hear the band that played that night in the bar, it was a cover band that didn't sound bad. By this time, Greta Van Fleet were already among the most popular bands in the United States, so it was common to hear everywhere followed by songs by Aerosmith, Queen and other rock greats, so you could hear from the parking lot that they were playing "Highway Tune", you immediately thought that if Jake was already inside, he was probably with a smile full of pride... or maybe he was carefully observing every movement of the guitarist to see if he was doing it right.  
You stopped before you texted Jake to see if he was here yet, if so he would probably be at the farthest table so it was important to know where he was. He took a while to answer you, but he had told you that he was indeed already at the bar.
Once inside, you looked for the table next to the window on the left side and there he was, he looked... calm and that's how you wanted to remember him.
He was watching you, his face lit up with a smile like that of a child who sees his mother after a long day at school.
"Y/N, it's good that you're here! I'm all ears, tell me what you want. Shall I ask you for something?"
"Jake! Wait, I'll go to ask for my drink, I'll be right back" you left your bag on the chair where you were going to sit and quickly went to order a rum and coke without ice and preferably more rum than coke. Once you had it in your hands, you took a sip and said to yourself "Tonight is going to be worth it if it's going to be our last night" when you returned to your place, you settled in front of Jake and gave him a look full of nostalgia.
"Hey Y/N What's up? Why are you looking at me like that?" he said worried as the band played "Anna" by the Beatles.
"It's just... all this fills me with nostalgia, and I would like things to be like before"
"But it hasn't been long since we last went out drinking with the boys."
"No, it's not that" you took a sip from your glass "I mean something else, we are becoming more and more adults and our lives are taking a different course due to small actions of the past"
"Why?" He took a long drink from his beer.
"It's just... every day I regret more of what I didn't do before and that makes me so sick that it's affecting my relationship with other people, even... with you" you took off your scarf and left it on the back of the chair.
"If so, I think you do not have to worry, we have so many years of friendship, we know everything about each other, we have listened to each other so much. Honestly, many of the best things would not have happened to me if I hadn't met you, in fact Greta Van Fleet wouldn't have had the same popularity that we have now" he smiled and took another drink, now shorter "now that I'm saying this, do you remember when everyone said that we were going to end up married?"
Your eyes widened like a pair of white plates and you shook your head, obviously you remembered perfectly well, but you pretended you didn't.
"They always thought that at some point we would end up together or something and look at us now. Our friendship will last until the end of the world, so if you feel bad... just tell me” You wanted to be angry with him for saying things so hurtful to you, but you couldn't be mad at him for two simple reasons: one, he had no idea how you felt about him and two, he was Jake.
"Jake, look, I have a lot of things to tell you, you have no idea how much I want to tell you everything that has me wrong, but it will be a little later, right now I want to clear my head, I know that we are here together to talk about what worries me , but first I want to be... happy because this may be the last time I see you"
Jacob immediately put on the most serious face you've ever seen "How could this be the last time I see you? What are you going to do?"
"Remember I told you I had something for you?"
He nodded.
"Well, it has something to do with -it-"
"But what about my wedding?" he paused with an incredulous face "Ah, I think I know where this is going! Surely it has something to do with my bachelor party, right?"
You wanted to slap him and tell him everything at once, but you just shrugged your shoulders with a forced smile. The band now played something more relaxed, they opted to play an acoustic version of Juliet by Cavetown.
"Well, that doesn't matter right now, we're going to drink in the wildest way possible like in our old days" Jake said lifting his beer.
"Like pirates?" you asked with a tender but melancholic gaze.
"Like Pirates"
Beer after beer and rum after rum, you laughed at every nonsense word that sounded funny in your head, it really was like going back in time to when you were about 23 years old and going from bar to bar in different countries to have a good time along with the rest of the band. Although going out with them was frequent, the outings with them became more and more serious, it was no longer for fun, they were already to relieve stress and due to the responsibilities of each one, it was already more difficult to meet with the whole band.
"Hey Jake, does she have a problem with you getting drunk with me?"
Jake snorted and slowly answered "No, not at all…she knows…and she trusts you a lot"
They soon drifted off topic and continued talking about the absurd things of their day to day, even Jake let it slip to tell you that his fiancée was sometimes very scolding with him for not being as organized as she was and that sometimes he felt like a child little boy with her, he loved her but there were many things that he disliked. You might as well draw him out and screw the wedding, but you weren't cruel enough to do it.
The night progressed until it was your time to go, you had had a good time with him, you laughed a lot and remembered many beautiful things, but it was time to put your feet on the ground.
"I haven't laughed like I did right now for days" you giggled "but it's time to go, I have to get my things ready for tomorrow"
"Are you going somewhere?"
"You will know"
You took your bag and got up from the chair, but Jake took your hand, you felt his calluses from the tips of his fingers on the back of your hand. Your gaze met his and although both of you were a little dizzy, clearly his gaze was expressing what you wanted so much to see reflected in his eyes. It was love.
"Y/N…please stay" he whispered.
"No Jake, I can't. It's too late for this"
Now his hand was holding you tighter and at any moment he could have dropped to his knees to beg you to stay with him.
"Please stay with me, I want you to be by my side forever"
"Jake, you're saying this because you're drunk. You're just talking incoherently and that's enough because... you're hurting me" he let go of your hand without any another word and settled back into his chair.
"I'm sorry, but it's just... there are things I can't say when I'm sober"
"Well, I would really appreciate it if you would tell me sober and not like that because once you kissed me when you were drunk and while you forgot about it the next day, it meant a lot to me all my life!" everything began to get out of control and without shame, you began to cry in front of him, with that you had said everything and without having to give him the letter.
Jake looked at you in disbelief, he was trying to decipher what you had just said, because he didn't know if it was a reproach, or you were confessing your love. You began to rummage through your bag to pull out the letter and hand it to her.
"Here's what I wanted to give you" again his eyes met yours "read it when you can, as long as you're alone" without further ado, you took your phone to put it in your bag and almost ran out of the bar. It was so fast Jake couldn't even stop you...again.
You ran far from the parking lot and ordered an uber to take you home. Coincidentally, the same driver who brought you to the bar was the same one who came to pick you up, but this time, he saw that you were crying and before starting he told you "You're still very young, I bet whoever made you cry will have a really bad time" you thanked him for his words and the car started straight home.
He was so shocked and completely speechless, he just stood there by the hand with the envelope in his hands. They had to spend a few seconds to sat down and run both hands through his hair.
As the band played "Back to The Old House," Jake desperately tore open the envelope and pulled out your letter. He turned the letter over both sides, he was looking at the details of the page and then he started to read it. At first, his expression was serious, but as he was reading, his heart was shrinking, and he felt that singular sting that appears when you want to cry.
He had mixed feelings, he didn't know if he was angry with himself or with you and he didn't know if he was sad either, but as soon as he finished reading your letter, he picked up his phone to call you. Looking up from him, he saw that you dropped your red scarf and took it to hold it close to him.
When your phone started ringing, you answered the call by inertia, not even checking that Jake was calling you.
"Y/N...you forgot your scarf"
You turned to see your things and covered your face with your right hand "You can keep it; I can't go back" you said between sobs.
"Hey, listen, I already read your letter..."
"It's too late to talk about this"
"But I want to talk about your letter"
"But I don't want to, please"
"But why not?"
"Because it's late, didn't you hear?!"
"It's just... it's just... I'm mad that you didn't tell me sooner! You make me between a rock and a hard place! Why are you doing this to me right now?" he was crying too, her helplessness was more than her sadness.
"Because I just couldn't take it anymore, Jake! I've been holding it in for a long time and I can't anymore!" the crying got even louder "and I'm also mad at myself for not telling you sooner, but anyway, there's nothing to do. Tomorrow I'm out of here"
"Y/N, please don't do this to me right now, I need you, I want you to stay with me"
"Jake... you already have someone to stay with you for a long time"
"I'll come see you tomorrow"
"I already told you, I beg you not to look for me anymore. Let me exist in peace, every day that passes the pain that you are not with me becomes more intense and it is not fair for you because you are already happy, I am supposed to I'm fine, but I'm not. Please, it's about time we went our separate ways" you snorted "You know something? I'm at the uber and the poor driver is listening to all this. I'm going to hang up because it's embarrassing" without further ado you ended the call and apologized to the driver.
"Don't worry, I didn't pay attention to your conversation, anyway, if it's any consolation... things happen for a reason, everything has a reason to be and exist, I know that the current outlook for you is bleak, but the universe arranges things in a certain way to obtain learning"
The rest of the way was silent until you got home, you thanked the driver and finally walked through your front door. Once inside, you desperately ran to your room to grab your suitcase and put your clothes inside it along with other important things. Your tears were still rolling down your cheeks and Jake kept calling you insistently.
Again, you took the call just to see how things would end and at least give a calmer end to all this "Jake, now what?"
"Are you home already?"
You thought about your answer because if you said you were at home, he would come to see you "No... not yet"
"Can we talk about your letter now? I don't want things to end like this" he sounded very desperate.
"Me neither... and sorry for reacting like that"
"You don't have to apologize, finally... I said a lot of things that could have hurt you, but I didn't know I was doing it, in fact I never thought you loved me that way"
They were both speechless, only Jake's light crying, and your sobs could be heard, that was all.
"Jake... I'm already home"
"Can I go to see you?"
"Just for a while because I don't want to sleep so late"
While you waited for Jake to arrive, you continued to pack your things and arrange the small backpack that you would carry during your flight. You were beginning to regret your desperate journey. What would happen to your family and your house? So you decided to stay in Mexico for a little while to try out what life is like there and take it as a vacation instead of making it your whole life.
The doorbell rang twice and it was obviously Jake. You weren't in much of a rush to get downstairs and to the door, but once you opened it, Jake hurried inside your house.
"I need to talk about it" he said taking the letter.
"What do you want to know?" you asked closing the door "everything you need to know is there, the one who should make the questions should be me"
"I'm an open book. Let's get this over with." he flopped down on the loveseat and rubbed his hands against his skinny legs.
"In all honesty... do you remember that time you kissed me?"
"Yes, I know what happened, but I don't remember when exactly"
"It was a May 16..."you said.
Jake looked up to meet yours, her face reflecting surprise "I swear I... I didn't remember the date"
"I noticed, but I don't entirely blame you, finally you were drunk, and we were two dumb teenagers." You were still standing in front of him until Jake patted the couch twice for you to sit next to him. Once at his side you continued with your questions "Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell me if you liked me so much? I know I did the same, but I already explained my reasons, all you need to do is tell me what happened "
"It's just..." he moistened his lips "even though you're my best friend, I always felt you a little... you know, distant, very serious, cold and that you were never going to fall in love with a person as disastrous as me. Simply because you and I are polar opposites, and that's why I thought that our thing was not going to work, plus I was very afraid that you would reject me and therefore make our friendship uncomfortable. But I saw that our friendship anyway, now it depends on a thread, and I could lose you sooner than I thought. Frankly, I've always loved you, it's just that for a long time I gave up the idea that one day you would be with me, and this doesn't mean that I don't love my fiancée, but I just... gave up. It obviously hurt every time I saw you with a guy, even though I knew they were just casual dates, but still…the pain was there. I know that you can misunderstand the fact that I have gone out with some girls, because I did love them, but I never felt the same intensity as with you"
You began to play with your hands and avoided looking into his eyes "Finally we're not so -opposites- we're both scaredy idiots" you let out an unfunny laugh "we could have had it all but because of the damn fear we lost it all, too late to make amends, so I think it's best that we just let's go our way"
Jake turned to you "I wouldn't say it's late"
"Jake, the dice were already rolled from the start. Of course, it's already late, you’ll be taking a very important step in your life, don't do something rash impulsively, don't hurt your fiancée, she's a very nice person and she genuinely loves you"
He was desperately looking for your eyes and your hands "It no longer makes sense for us to keep hiding what we feel, I admit it, you too, what difference does it make?" he came even closer to you and took your hands tightly "Let's go to Latin America together, let's run away together like when we used to sneak out at night to go to parties"
You let go of your right hand and took his chin gently "But this isn't a party, this is real life and… I'm leaving tomorrow" you pushed his hand away and continued "besides, that wouldn't be the right thing to do, it would be very hurtful for your fiancée, you can't leave her like this a couple of months before a wedding" Jake shook his head, directing his gaze to his hands and you continued "So... if you want to do things right, settle your affairs first and then come to find me."
"How am I supposed to find you?" he asked you with a bit of desperation.
"You'll know, but for now, if that's what you want…you know what to do"
He looked at you with a certain sadness, he didn't know whether to direct his gaze because he also felt a little embarrassed to turn to look at your eyes. Even though you really wanted to hold his hands and peck every inch of his face, you were thinking about how his fiancée would feel if she found out that you two kissed, so in solidarity with her, you refrained from kissing him. The only thing left now was to wait.
Jake got up from the love seat and scratched the back of his neck, still looking down "Well, I think we heard the things we needed to tell each other” You nodded biting your thumb nail "it's too late and... I think I have to go now; you'll need a lot of sleep for your flight tomorrow."
"Thanks for coming Jake... I really needed this" you also got up after him. He gave you a soft smile but still a little sadness in his eyes. You felt a little bad seeing him like that so as he headed for the door, you slowly approached his back and then hugged him just as he was about to touch your doorknob making it stop completely.
Tears welled up in your eyes quickly, there was no way to stop your tears. When Jake felt your arms wrap around his back, he reached for your arms so he could turn to you and hold you like it was always meant to be "I'm going to do the right thing, I promise I'll do the right thing" he gently brought your head close to his chest; you could hear every strong beat of his heart.
You lasted a few minutes hugging until Jake left your house. Before he opened the door of his car he exclaimed "I'll come for you! Please wait for me!"
"I’ll be waiting! If you took a hundred years to arrive, I would stay waiting for you all those hundred years!” you exclaimed watching as he closed the door of his car.
Once inside your house, you leaned against the door and let yourself fall. It took so many years to confess your feelings, something that looked so easy but was so complicated to do. You needed to hit rock bottom to change your situation. You needed to sleep to get up early and go to the airport, what was next in your life was to let yourself be surprised by the wonders of life in Mexico and wait for Jake to come for you, but not in the sense of rescuing you like a princess, but to accompany you on your new adventure. Once in your bed, you tucked yourself in and it didn't take long for your eyes to close. The day ended with a small smile on your face.
On the other hand, Jake was on his way home, still reflecting on what had just happened, he still couldn't believe that you were keeping your feelings to yourself for so long, although he couldn't help but think that he was also stupid for not telling you before. Along the way, the best he could do was call his best friend who was also his twin.
After two unanswered calls, Josh finally answered the phone on the third call. With his sleepy voice it was heard as he said "hello" almost like a whisper.
"Josh... it's me" Jake said eagerly.
"I know it's you. Don't you think it's too late to call me right now?"
"Yes, yes, I know it's late, but I have something to tell you” There was no response from Josh other than the slight sound of his breathing "Josh... I'm not getting married"
The curly-haired brother's eyes widened, and he jumped up from the bed "Don't fuck with me, what the fuck did you do? Did you cheat on her?"
"No, of course not," Jake replied indignantly, "I just…I've been pondering if I really want to spend my whole life with her under a stronger commitment than just living together."
"It has nothing to do with Y/N right?"
"I'd like to say no, but actually yes"
"I knew it! I knew this was going to happen!" he hit the mattress with his right hand frantically "And you know it perfectly well, I always told you to tell Y/N before someone got hurt and now her and your fiancée are or will be hurt."
"I know and I feel stupid, I just did a drama at Y/N's house and I just went to make a fool of myself, but it doesn't matter because... honestly, a weight was lifted off my shoulders.”
"Maybe you don't feel that pain anymore that you used to have every time Y/N dated a person, but what I'm really worried about is how you're going to tell your girlfriend...fiancée or whatever that you're not getting married anymore. "
"I don't know…" he sighed and scratched the back of her neck "I honestly don't know how I'm going to do it; besides, Y/N is going to Mexico tomorrow and I think she'll be there for a long time.”
"I did know that, she'll be there for a long time, I think she wants to start things over there."
"Why did you not tell me?" he hit the steering wheel "Maybe I could have stopped her from leaving and we could have worked things out."
"No Jake, obviously I wasn't going to tell you that she was leaving because you were busy with your stuff, plus I'm sure she didn't want you to know, and I had to respect that"
Jake was overwhelmed with despair and conflict. "I told her that I wasn't getting married anymore and that... I would come back for her." His eyes began to get teary.
His brother let out a long sigh of desperation and anguish "Jake, brother... don't make promises if you can't keep them."
"Why do you say I can't keep it?" Jake raised his voice.
"Let's face it, it's going to take you too long to tell her you don't want to get married anymore. I know you so well."
Jake was upset with what his brother had just told him, however, he knew he was telling the truth, telling his now ex-fiancée was going to be extremely difficult, but sooner or later he had to do it, besides, he had just had the lesson of his life about saying things and being honest with the people around himself.
He drove to his house, parked the car and when he entered, there was that girl with whom he wanted to take a step forward by marrying her. She had fallen asleep in the couch that was looking at the window to see him arrive. She apparently thought of staying up to wait for him, but her sleep defeated her.
She really was a very good woman, you could see that she genuinely loved Jake, she cared a lot about him, trusted him and was willing to do anything for him, almost like you, the only difference between her and you it was that Jake was with her, but you loved him just the same.
When Jake saw her asleep, he felt a lump in his throat, because he knew how much she loved him and it would break her into a thousand pieces to know that he no longer wanted to marry her, much less... continue with a relationship that was not reciprocal. She gave a lot and Jake apparently did too, but the truth was that he was never going to love her the same way.
He sat down next to her, looked at her face carefully, from her long eyelashes to the small pimple that appeared on her right cheek. It didn't take long for Jake to remove the hair that covered her forehead, although he did it carefully, it made her wake up. Opening her eyes, her lips curved into a smile until she met Jake's anguished face. "What's up, baby?" she asked her.
Jake didn't answer her question, he kept stroking her hair. She was silent for a few minutes until he said "Nothing, nothing's wrong. Keep sleeping" he closed his conversation with her with a small kiss on her forehead, releasing a small tear that rolled from his eyes to her cheek.
"We talk tomorrow, okay?" The woman with long dark hair nodded with the same smile as before and continued with her deep sleep while Jake kept looking at her sadly thinking about how he was going to put an end to his problem, although surely one of them would get hurt, well, he had two options : stay with his fiancée, make her happy but break the promise he had made to the love of his life and therefore, leave her waiting in another country, or leave his fiancée with a strong pain that will cost her a lot to forget but keep his promise.
TO BE CONTINUED
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meep923 · 10 months
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༻Your Appearance Messed Me Up(yuyeon)༺
Chapter 5/25 + bonus chapter
Yuqi's side of the story
Yuqi's POV
I took my things on the counter and followed the detective to her car. It was obvious that the police personnel would be around that area after all that happened. I just did not realise that she would be in the convenience store of all places. She should be at the scene.
I sat on the backseat of her car and listened to some songs on my airpods. God damn. I really should not have mentioned that. I was just meaning it to be a joke. Now I really need to find a way out of this mess I am in. This detective woman, she must not know my associations with the mafia. Or else, I will be serving a prison sentence in god knows where.
"Hey. What do you even mean? The mafia thing about X Company? The fact that the brand was just a decoy?" She asked, looking at me from the mirror.
"If I said I meant that as a joke would you believe it? I just thought I could, I don't know, lighten up the mood a bit. I thought that since it was illegal to posses a gun in Korea, maybe the people who did it are people who do illegal things?" I said.
"Why would you think of that as a joke?"
"I don't know. You know, some song writers are like me, when an idea comes to my head I would just say it, in case I forget it later." I used the fact that that I wanted to go to X Company as a decoy. Even though it was so last year, everyone knows that they value songwriters and producers of great talent. 
We were silent our entire way to the police station. 
"Okay, Yuqi, I am really sorry for taking you in like that," the woman said with a disapproving look on her face, " but I need to do some checks on your Identification Card and stuff, normal protocol. By the way, the fact that you thought of guns as something that would be related to the mafia in such a short amount of time without the police even disclosing it is really impressive. Especially so since you are a foreigner. With brains like yours, you could be a detective." She took over my Identification cards and handed them to one of her co-workers. "Jung, help me confirm the credibility of this identity please, thank you."
I sat down on one of the sofas that was present in the room that I was in and asked her, trying to make small talk, "Hey, we've met for quite a while and I still don't know your name. What are you called?"
"Over here, I am detective Yontarak, but in private, call me Minnie." She said, smiling for the first time during our encounter. "Of course. Nice to meet you Minnie." I replied, smiling, glad that I tricked her.
"Hey detective Yontarak, I checked, it's a legit identification." A young man came in with my Identification Card. Minnie took them over and handed them to me. "You can go now, I have something to talk to this charming young woman about." Minnie told him. The man pouted. I looked at him curiously, he has a crush on Minnie. 
Minnie brought me to her office where it is full of bullet boards with yarn and pictures from previous cases. Some of them particularly caught my eye. They were some of the missions that my dad or whoever he is has sent people on missions. He liked to collect the pictures of what that was left. Minnie picked up a few pictures from her desk and pinned them onto the board. I saw them as the pictures of the scene down the street from the convenience store. 
"I am really hoping that I can help the police and sniff out some clues. This is the main part of my job, I figure out what is going on and tell my hunch to the police. They do the field work." Minnie said. "I work on rooting out the mafia." I nodded. It was obvious from the pictures.
"What I want to talk to you about is that I hope that you will work with the police and go to X Company. Help us find information." She said, suddenly dead serious and staring at me in my eyes.
"You really think that I was serious? Honestly I was just joking." I said. I could not believe that she caught on it and she had hope of taking out the mafia.
"I think that there is always a possibility. And this was the main reason I asked you to come along anyways. I grab onto anything I can. And I trust you. You are really good at looking out for things that are abnormal." I stared at her eyes, hard. I wanted to read her true intentions. I wanted to know what she was doing it for. 
After a long silence I said, "Maybe I will consider it. I need some time to consider. In the mean time, I will make sure that I get into the company. Maybe I can get your number and I will keep you posted." I replied. It will be helpful to have an ally in the police and I wanted to go to X Company and find out about the truth too. I do not know who that person I am calling 'Father' is. I need to know the truth.
I added her number, took my things, and left the police station. I walked back to the apartment. I opened the door to the apartment only to see clothes thrown all over the place and a lingering scent. The scent of that woman. Soojin. I heard the faint sound of moaning coming from Shuhua's bedroom. I pressed my palm on my forehead. What a great way to get used to a new country Shuhua, have sex with some woman you've just met. I thought bitterly.
After keeping the food and taking my laptop, I walked out of the apartment and sent her a message.
yuqi
text me once you are done
sent
I cursed and knocked on the door opposite. It was probably the only place that I could crash until they are done and I do not want to hear any part of what they are doing. 
Soyeon's POV
I heard someone knock on the door. I thought Soojin was back. She said she had to go out for a second. I got up from the sofa and went to open the door. I saw her, Yuqi, standing at the door with an obviously pissed look on her face. I thought of what I was wearing. A baggy shirt and a pair of short pants. My hair was messy and all over the place. And her. She was standing at the front door with her beautiful pink hair with slight curls. She wore a crop top and a pair of jeans. She was also holding a laptop in her hand. Wow. That is entirely the looks of my ideal type.
"So, your roomie and mine are having fun in my flat. Do you mind if I stay here? For as long as they take?" She asked. 
"So that's where she went." I muttered.
"Of course, come in." I opened the door fully and invited her in." Any drinks that you would like?"
"No." She replied. So cool, so cute.
She sat down at the sofa and opened her laptop. She started typing furiously. I had no idea what to do. The entire atmosphere seemed so... awkward? I sat down gingerly at the other side of her and went back to my game. 
After what seemed like an eternity, she finally said," I don't think they will be finished anytime soon, how about we go out and have dinner? It's nearly 6." Oh. My. God. She did not just ask me to go and have dinner with her. My heart was beating so hard. I felt a blush coming to my face.
"Okay." I tried to act cool. "Lemme just sort this out." I waved my hand up and down pointing at my clothes. I quickly rushed to my room and closed the door. I would need sometime to calm my heart down.
And please check out my other story on wattpad ‘the 7th avenger’
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welcometogrouchland · 2 years
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About your post here: I’ve noticed recently a lot more posts in general on tumblr just being condescending and mean to kids for not knowing things and it annoys me too, don’t these people remember what it’s like to be a young teen and not know basically anything? Even when you’re trying to learn? How is it their fault??? So frustrating
YEAH I feel you. I didn't mention it in the og post but those posts do seem to be geared towards teens and kids more often than not I think (that's just based on personal observation tho, which is obvs biased).
As for why- tbh that's a topic I have a lot of thoughts on? Mostly baseless speculation since I have no real experience studying this kind of thing and again idk if it's even a real phenomenon or if it just feels like one to me.
Tbh one reason may be that during the pandemic, more ppl began staying inside, on screens, which meant more teens started exhibiting Chronically Online Behaviour™ (bc they literally were chronically online), which means more ppl started losing patience and being snide when trying to steer them away from such behavior (bc everyone's patience is worn thin by a pandemic!)
And like. I know we say it most often as a joke on here BUT genuinely the user base of Tumblr aging bc the ppl originally on it as teens haven't left (for good reason lol) is probably a contributing factor.
It's mostly a good thing but like you said- they genuinely might not remember much about their teen years! Or at least they don't sympathize much w/ their teenage self and that's reflected in their interaction w/ young ppl.
Ppl sometimes don't want to have to put in the extra work that comes w/ talking to someone who has considerably less life experience than you. It's understandable but sometimes ppl just get miffed abt it all.
Also like. This is a broad and complex topic so I'm going to limit myself talking abt it too much but- since early online culture and in especially in recent years, people on the internet seem genuinely think that being annoying or ignorant is truly a justification for being bullied and/or harassed.
Like it takes different forms across different groups and platforms but it's very much a part of the tone of a lot of online conversations. And I am NOT saying that well meaning but snide advice posts are the same as bullying- far from it! They're two very different things and the latter is at least well intentioned most of the time.
But I think needlessly aggressive conversations are a much bigger feature of online spaces than irl spaces and thus they slip into posts that don't even mean it/aren't even particularly invested in the topic at hand, all bc ppl perceive the target audience as ignorant or annoying.
Which isn't to say that it's not a two way street- most ppl online are like this! Oftentimes I'm like this, even when I don't mean to be! sometimes teens are ignorant or annoying and sometimes they're downright mean but. being a dick abt advice isn't going to change that. and I'd argue that normalizing being needlessly mean about innocuous topics is just gonna make them worse in the long run? So. Something something 4D chess.
And like, That's really what makes posts like that so frustrating- they want to be informative or educational but they go about it in such a counterproductive and off putting way! The accusatory tone and condescension just makes the reader defensive and unwilling to learn bc they feel attacked...when the posts entire point to be educational.
my og post wasn't phrased particularly nice either, bc I was angry and upset- and that's probably not gonna convince ppl to thoughtfully reevaluate their behavior! If I went into a post with the intention to do that I'd probably word everything differently.
Sometimes a firm hand is needed or expected when it comes to serious topics and I am NOT advocating for ppl to tone police themselves when it comes to things near and dear to them (truly hope that comes across in this post)
but if someone is complaining about how ppl use their personal blogs, navigate websites that don't work like any other current social media, or any other trivial task that doesn't come natural unless you have experience w/ it...it just feels like a waist of energy on everyone's part.
This has all been a very long winded way of saying- I totally get you and agree. it's just not productive to write out a vent-y rant on the same post as your informational guide and the frustration and embarrassment that comes from being condescended to online isn't productive either. Be mad, for sure, just don't try and teach ppl a skill or lesson while you're mad. There's a reason parents shouting at their kids during homework about how simple the problem is doesn't teach them anything.
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keysimash · 2 years
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Hiiiii making a new pinned post because I almost exclusively use tumblr on mobile
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So first of all pro lifers go away I hate you I hate you I hate you
Ppl that love to police how queer people should express and label themselves you too shoo
You're probably here from my Ao3!! If not, oh boy, you're in for a treat! Oh god why did you read that dogshit??
My personal blog is lazydestinypaper not anymore! Now its simofabitch if you, for some reason, can't get enough of me here 💙
Okay now that's out of the way
I'm an adult! Minors pls dont interact with my nsfw stuff if ur parents get mad at me I can't afford a lawyer
Most artists r uncomfortable when ppl vent or say weird shit in their tags or inbox -- I dont care!!! Go for it!!! You wanna tag a chapter or drawing I made as #me when my father was absent from my life??? Sure go ahead I literally dont mind. I would be a hypocrite if I cared anyway because I'm literally coping by dumping everything on my comfort character <3 so dont be ashamed if it helps you. This is a safe space. Just keep in mind ppl can in fact see it so dont be, yanno. Saying stuff you dont want others to know about you or that would put u in danger. And this only applies to stuff I personally make don't do that on a random stranger i happen to reblog
I read everything you say to me even if I don't respond I love every thing and I mean it
If you hate my stuff leave your thoughts I would love to hear them this is not a joke I an 100% serious and I will not be angry about it
Magolor is my favorite character ever he is my comfort boy pathetic cringefail big wet eyed kitten catboy so dont be surprised when I never shut up about him
If you want me to hurry up on a work -- leave a comment!!! Getting comments like "please update" actually motivates me!!!! Kind of... Just keep in mind I am the EXCEPTION not the rule most writers hate when u ask them to update so. Dont. Also I have no update schedule it's literally based on mood and chance and motivation level
If you think something i wrote is weird /cringe/has a plot hole chances are I already know about it and hate it ten times more than you. Suck my cock about it
Don't be surprised when my posts are weird it says "cringe compilation" for a reason
If you really miss a work I've deleted I might consider giving you a copy if you message me
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I might edit this later with my tags because I want to improve my tagging system but I think this is good for now
Edit 12/25/22: my tags are still a fuck!!! Fuck!!!
Edited 3/6/23 with new main blog url and other minor changes
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