#I am so proud that I was able to be apart of this I’ve learned so much!!!

[cosmicxd]

Now that we have an offical date and time for when this is coming out, Ima boost the crap outta this (I’m gonna be so annoying)

The Sam and Max Freelance Police Reanimated!!!

Over 70 talented artists and animators came together to reanimate the Sam and Max Freelance Police episode “A Glitch In Time”

January 6th at 5pm EST! Be there or be square

[charmedreincarnation]

HiHi charm! 🌟

I’ve been in the shifting community since 2016. I know it’s been forever! I first learned about shifting from occult and witch forums and I’ve been obsessed ever since. But till recently, I’ve only ever been able to mini shift! That's changed now :D!

I used your reverse psychology technique and just like you said, whenever I imagined my desired reality (dr), I would be like, "ugh not again, I just wanna wake up here". My 3D life is stressful and filled with anxiety, so whenever I would think about my life, I’d pretend I was happy to go back, even though deep inside, I wanted to escape.

I'm in the medical field because of my parents and I hate it. I used to cry every day, but using this technique helped with that too. I gaslit myself into thinking I actually preferred my awful life than shifting!!

I practiced the technique for about 2.5 days and also used a quantum jumping meditation I bought from Tumblr. Then, I shifted to a reality where my room walls was pink instead of purple, and in that reality, I’m the master of the void and shifting.

Here's another tip: shift somewhere with a small difference, like your laptop is silver instead of rose gold, and script that reality like your dr.

I scripted my birthday, my appearance, how my room looks, but the only thing is I scripted myself as the master of the void and shifting! So that’s what I did and when I saw my new room color, I didn’t even waste time and I entered the void just by thinking abt it.

I had a whole ass list. Everything changed from spirituality to the color of my hair! I have the same desires as everyone tbh being hot, popular, wealthy, smart. I changed my major and woke up in an apartment away from my annoying parents. Obviously a great life but I saved fame and billionaire status for my other drs but I am more than blessed as it is now!

I also spent the whole night shifting and I love the concept of waiting rooms, but I call it my pocket dimension, where I use to rest between shifts so I can shift for 10 years if I wanted and it would only translate to overnight in this reality. Also everyone including myself is immortal in my wr I’m gonna love forever !!!!

Anyways, not much to say, I don’t want this to be too long! But shifting and the void is real! The law is real and it’s sooo worth it. I already forgot how much I hated my life and it hasn’t even been that long.

Remember, you are the master of your reality! Keep shifting, keep dreaming! 💫

That's absolutely fantastic news girlie (I think)! I'm thrilled to hear about your successful shifting journey. It sounds like you've put a lot of thought and effort into this process, and it's paid off in the most wonderful way. Also Immortality in your wr is so real <3!!!! Super proud and happy for you 💗💗

[gatorbites-imagines]

I'm so sorry if you were not mental prepared for this info during your spiderman brainrot..

But, fun fact with a lot of spiders their mating rituals have the male lay down a "spermweb" to attract mates. As well as fear is a big part of what turns them on, female spiders being 2x the size of males, tending to have the dominant role. Pinning is also a big part of it as well. (Male spiders actually tend to be much more skishes.)

So imagine your spiderman of choice being in mating season, with a mix of these feelings due to them being half spider. Them making a den like structure with every blanket in their apartment, being very timid wanting to hide, because of how embrassing these feelings and thoughts are to them. But getting so unbelievably horny at the thought of you pinning them down in their den and fucking them until they see stars. You being extremely rough with them, them wanting you to mark up their entire body.

Them trying to get themselves off, and trying not to give into the urge to text/call you begging for you to comeover.

Ben Reilly x male reader

Headcanons

Hallo everynyan. I am not dead, I just have felt the worst case of writers block I’ve had in a while. Trying to get myself out of this funk, so here’s something about Ben Reilly, as I haven’t seen a single x male reader about him.

You and Ben would have been dating for a while before his heat hits him, leaving him scrambling through his apartment to start gathering blankets and other materials he can use to make a structure.

It’s not fully a nest, its more like a pillow and blanket fort, closed off from the outside world. There’s webs all over it too, almost like Ben was marking his territory, or some animalistic part of himself was saying “hey, this is mine, back off”-

Ben would shoot off a text to his earths Peter, since they most likely work side by side, that he needs his patrol covered for personal reasons. Seeing as peter has heats as well, he understands and wishes Ben luck, offering to bring him stuff he needs.

After calling around with his job and getting his shifts covered, Ben would settle down into the structure, antsy and oh so uncomfortable in his skin. He would feel almost naked without you there, without your weight holding him down and your hands touching him.

Ben would never have told you about his heats if you weren’t another spider as they embarrass him so greatly, because they reduce him to a limp submissive mess. Normally he can just ride it out, but now that you two are dating his thoughts are filled with images of you, what he wants you to do to him, and how he wants you to do it.

He would wrap himself in the clothes you left at his apartment, his heightened senses letting him inhale your scent as he touches himself almost desperately.

It’s nowhere near enough without you there, but Ben is too proud to contact you. So it would end up with Ben laying there curled up in a ball, his fingers pumping in and out of himself as he listens to recording of you on his phone, be it voicemails or videos you two have taken.

If he has any pictures of you that show off your strength in any way, you bet he’s looking at those two. Think gym selfies, you hiking, you fixing a car, anything along those lines. It gets so bad that he busts just looking at a picture of you carrying 4 bags of heavy groceries on one arm.

After that shameful orgasm Ben realizes he probably won’t be able to do this without you, as the soul deep urge to be held and used by you grows by the day. In one of his less lucid and weaker moments he would send you a fumbled text before passing out.

When he wakes up you are there with him and taking care of him. Ben would try to play it off and stay cool, but he feels more submissive and meeker than usual, struggling to meet your eyes and lowering his head when you look at him.

You most likely contacted Peter for help, fearing Ben was dying or had been poisoned or something like that. When you learn it’s a spider heat, you are surprised but you would never leave Ben for something as small as that, you just wished he’d have told you before.

Ben would hesitate to let you help in the beginning, but soon the need for you, your power, your dominance, would break down his walls. He would follow orders so well, wanting nothing more than for you to tell him what to do.

He would burst immediately the first time you pin him down by the neck, his entire body locking up as he wails in pleasure, twitching and gasping. After that you’d take care of him, cleaning him up, and lay down on top of him as he slept.

Having you lay on top of him like a blanket help settle that deep urge inside him that he needs you there, and it tells his animal brain that you are watching out for him and protecting him as he sleeps.

After the heat is over you can expect Ben to be more open about his wants and needs, though he is still a little flustered about him. He’s still an overconfident guy, showing off and flexing his muscles at you, but he also wants to please you, and he melts under any and all praise you give him.

[thechosenthree]

Thanks to this post I am in my Kendra Young is such a freak <3 feels. Thank you @finalgirl1984 <3

[This went in a completely different direction that I expected, I do love to ramble.]

We talk so much about how by the book Kendra is and how she never got to be a kid or be a teenage girl. She was The Slayer before she was anyone else and before she was ever even actually called as the slayer.

We definitely don’t talk enough about how maybe compared to Buffy, Kendra was a stickler for the rules, but she definitely wasn’t completely by the book!

I saw a comment once about how leaving a vampire locked up to wait for the sun to burn him to ash is definitely not in the slayer handbook. And that’s so true!! She was enjoying it, she was laughing at his attempts at threatening her!! Literally not scared of him for a second. #1 Angel hater who also thinks he’s a loser. And she could have just staked him, she should have staked him, she was the vampire slayer and that is literally her job. But she played with him like a cat hunting a mouse instead and I love her for that.

Like I generally tend to think that Buffy was to Kendra what Faith was to Buffy, but that’s not entirely true?

Both Kendra and Faith were completely accepting of their slayer sides, proud of being slayers and able to enjoy the hunt and the kill in a way that Buffy really struggled with.

I think Kendra and Faith are a lot more alike than I’ve given them credit for? They both try to kill Angel when they first meet him, they are both confused why Buffy wants to protect him and not just stake him. That goes against what they have been taught.

We obviously don’t know much about Faith’s slaying life before coming to Sunnydale, what her watcher was like, or what her training was like. But it’s possible it was a lot more by the book than Buffy’s. Faith watched her watcher be killed in front of her and then shows up in Sunnydale with serious issues with authority.

But the way she is with Gwendolyn Post paints a picture of the way she may have taken to her first watcher. She wanted someone to look out for her and give her guidance. So if she had a watcher she liked and respected, her doing what she was told and being by the book seems likely. She did what Gwendolyn told her to do over listening to Buffy, so we even have evidence in the show for that.

Faith’s training may have been a lot more like Kendra’s than Buffy’s. Of course she didn’t have that watcher training her for very long, just the summer. So she wouldn’t have learned near as much as Kendra, who spent her whole life training for this did.

And whereas Kendra never had a life apart from slaying, Faith didn’t have one worth missing once she was called. There was nothing holding Faith back from full on accepting her destiny and giving her all to it, unlike Buffy.

Buffy had a life before slaying. She got to be a kid, she got to be a girl. She got to live her life without worrying about much. She got to just be. And being the slayer did not mesh with that, her fighting to make both sides of herself fit is a huge part of the show.

Faith is very heavily implied to have been abused by her mother, and who knows what else she went through. She didn’t get to just be a kid, she was dealing with stuff no child should ever have to go through. Being called as a slayer gave her the physical power to fight back. And she embraced that with open arms and did not look back.

The circumstances that preceded Kendra and Faith being called as slayers is obviously very different. But it’s also similar is some ways I hadn’t previously thought about.

Kendra was forged as a weapon, her life was lived in training to be the slayer. Faith was living a life she couldn’t escape from, couldn’t fight back against.

Kendra being called brought everything she’d been taught, everything she’d worked towards into focus. That is what she had always been told she was meant to do. It was her purpose.

Faith being called gave her an out from her old life, gave her the strength and the power to defend herself and fight back. We know she’s never had anyone looking out for her, that she had to take care of herself. In a way, being the slayer gave her a purpose she didn’t know she was looking for.

Neither Kendra or Faith got to just be a kid. They didn’t necessarily know what they were missing when they embraced being a slayer. Kendra literally did not know anything else. And the life Faith knew was definitely nothing worth holding on to.

I think this makes their attitudes towards being slayers compared to Buffy’s make so much sense.

And if we go with the slayerhood as a metaphor for queerness…

Buffy was just living her life and was blindsided figuring something out about herself that she hadn’t been looking for. She didn’t want to be that person, it made her life more difficult. She wanted to go back to a time before she knew this about herself. She was so focused on how much she didn’t want to be the slayer [read: queer] that it took her a long time to acknowledge that she enjoyed it. That it was a part of who she is. And that she liked that about herself. It took her a long time to be proud to call herself the slayer.

We also see that Buffy’s parents were not immediately accepting, and before she actually “came out” they talked to and about her like she was a different person now and like they just wanted her to be who she used to be. And then of course Joyce literally kicks her out of the house when she can’t accept who Buffy is and Buffy refuses to go “back in the closet” to please her. Buffy having internalized slayerphobia makes a lot of sense.

Kendra always knew who she was. She was raised by someone who knew who she was, and who wanted her to be that person. She is proud of who she is, of being a freak. She is so happy to connect with Buffy and not be alone being a freak.

But also looking at how the council is scared of the slayers, and wants to be in control of them, it’s a conditional sort of acceptance. Kendra can be herself as long as she’s useful to the council. Also looking at it this way, her parents knowing who she is and sending her away because of it is an interesting thing to think about.

Faith did not always know who she was. But she likely knew she was different or at least felt like she was. Having an abusive parent will make that clear to you. On top of that the things she implies about her high school experience make it clear she did not have friends or fit in. She was a loner, an outcast, a freak.

Then she found out who she was and everything made sense to her. Faith embraced being a slayer [read: queer] and she was proud of who she is. She enjoyed it, she liked it. And she met Buffy and loved that someone else was a freak with her.

Kendra and Faith genuinely enjoying being slayers and being proud to call themselves freaks in juxtaposition to Buffy who definitely loved not being alone, and finding kindred spirits in the two of them but was also having a hard time liking that part of herself is so interesting.

Makes me wish we’d gotten to see Kendra and Faith meet even more. I used to think they would clash and take a long time to warm up to each other. But now I’m wondering if they wouldn’t be off tying up vamps and enjoying the kill together.

[tidalskii]

It was announced yesterday that LittleBigPlanet 3’s game servers would be closing indefinitely, putting an end to the remaining online support the original LBP trilogy still had. I’ve managed to collect my thoughts and pay my tributes to the series before I part ways with it.

This game series means the world to me, and I am extremely proud and honored to have been apart of it’s community. I started playing the games in 2010 with the demo for LittleBigPlanet on PS3 and… I wasn’t impressed. I got stuck before I even played the game! I had a second controller turned on somewhere so 6 y/o me was presented with the “Select Profile” screen.

Having no clue why none of the buttons on my controller were working, I think I just turned it off and didn’t play it for months. Idk what got me to play it again, but I’m glad I did because I fell in LOVE with the game. Everything about how it controlled just… clicked with me. I thought it was genius, the sheer amount of expressiveness you could display; tilting the controller to move your head or your hips, using the D-Pad to change your facial expression, moving each individual arm with both sticks and the limb buttons on the back, it was all so intuitive and fun to do. Although, once me and my cousin learned how to slap each other in-game, it was over for my parents’ ears lol, we’d be screaming and yelling at each other. Sure enough that Christmas, I got the full game, specifically the special kind with some of the DLC pre-installed. That’s where the REAL fun began. Nearly every night after school I’d bring a couple of friends over and we’d try to play through as many levels as we could in one-sitting. The Metal Gear Solid DLC levels I often died immediately in and I would wait for an older kid I knew to get to a checkpoint and revive me. Regardless of how bad I was at the game, it was so much fun, especially now that we were able to experience the create mode. My mom actually started playing it, too. I don’t have any pictures of it sadly but she made a really expansive house with separate rooms and secret passages everywhere, it was really cool. I’d say I spent a good year or so playing the first game, then Christmas 2011 arrived. That’s when I got LittleBigPlanet 2.

LBP2 is my favorite video game of all time, it does what every good sequel should do: expand on what made the first game so amazing without straying too far away from its core appeal. For starters, if you already owned LBP the game will ask you right off the bat if you wish to import all of your collected items, costumes, and levels into LBP2. This absolutely BLEW MY MIND and in a weird way it kind of made playing the first game obsolete. You mean to tell me EVERYTHING I’ve ever made is already here, I can just… continue working on it?! I can still rock the same costumes I had, I can play music from the FIRST game in the SECOND game?!?! That alone made LBP2 so much of a gem in my eyes, it was LITERALLY the first game and MORE. But the fun didn’t end there! It was around this time I got a PSN account, so I was able to experience everyone else’s creations online and… wow. A whole new world just opened up, a whole community to engage and interact with. I met so many amazing people, some of whom are my closest friends to this day, over a decade later. It was through a group of some older kids that I often tagged along with that started getting into anime and comics more. 2011-2014 was a magical time to be on LBP, those years really felt like “The Golden Years” of the online community. Oh yeah and LBP Karting and the portable games existed too, I guess. I played LBPK, I thought it was fun… I still own it, but I’ve barely touched it after all these years. From what I’ve heard PSP and Vita seemed like a lot of fun, I’ve just never played them. Around early-mid 2014, it was announced that there would be a third LBP game for both the PS3 and the newly-released PS4. New characters, 16-LAYERS in create-mode (!!!), and a weird purple lightbulb as the new main-antagonist of the story mode… “Newton”. I remember being so excited for it to release. We were FINALLY getting a THIRD LittleBigPlanet, for a new console, too! We sure did, alright.

To this day, I’m still not sure how to feel about LittleBigPlanet 3, and it feels like the greater community more or less can’t ether. This game… SHOULD be better than the 2nd game, and you know what? Catch me on a good day and I might say that I prefer LBP3 to LBP2. Everything’s there, a new story, cross-compatibility with LBP and LBP2, a fleshed-out create mode, all of it’s there and what we have in the game is phenomenal, however there’s one big, glaring issue that distracts it from being superior to its predecessors… this game is BROKEN. I know people like to throw out that term a lot with somewhat buggy games but oh my god, LBP3 is DANGEROUSLY glitchy and exploitative. By this point, Media Molecule had moved on from the LBP series to continue developing new games, leaving Sumo Digital to oversee LBP3’s development. I feel so bad for Sumo Digital because it’s painfully obvious Sony rushed their time to complete the game for a holiday 2014 release date… and the quality of the final game reflects the time-crunch they must’ve gone through. Joining friends can take you up to a half-hour if you’re unlucky, it’s a gamble if the game will even function properly. Often you’ll be sent back to your pod after the game rapid-fires it’s loading screen (btw serious warning for anyone with epilepsy: DON’T play LittleBigPlanet 3, it does stuff like this all the time), but when the screen fades in, Sackboy doesn’t respawn, soft-locking the game. Fun! I’m not sure if anyone else suffered from this one specific, GAME-BREAKING bug as I’ve never seen anyone else talk about it, but around 2015 or so my game’s gravity just… freaked out, regardless if you were in hover-mode or not, Sackboy would float off to the left of the screen and phase through all of the walls. I tried restarting the game, cleaning off the physical disc the sink, but nothing would fix it, I literally had to reset my game progress. Very fun! Another weird thing I ran into is the inability to place down stickers with the PS Eye Camera Tool. It just stopped working entirely at one point, even in previous games like LBP2. No idea how THAT happened, very strange bug. Despite all this… I powered through, because truthfully I do think the content in LBP3 is superior to the previous games. The music is great, I found myself genuinely invested in the story and it’s characters, the DLC packs introduced in LBP3 were all very fun, and the create mode is a GODSEND compared to the first 2 games. Honestly, that’s one of the 2 reasons why I chose to stick around with LBP3, there is SO MUCH you can do with the tools it provides you. For those of you who don’t know, for the last couple years or so I’ve been building full working models of the Thomas the Tank Engine characters in LBP3, and that’s led to me gaining a humble but amazingly awesome following in the game. I love Thomas, I love LBP, I just wanted to put those two interests together and I’m very happy people seemed to have liked what I made, which is very wholesome and sweet.

I am devastated that the game’s online services are now gone for good, but it was kind of inevitable. LBP3’s lack of quality opened the door for a lot of nasty exploitation and modifications people made to their games. The servers were hacked in 2021, and that led to the termination of the PS3’s servers. It wasn’t hard to deduce that PS4’s servers were running on borrowed-time. Regardless of how unfortunate it’s closure was, this franchise was supported for 16 years. That’s not a bad run at all. I would say I’m surprised it wasn’t closed sooner, but then again… I’m not surprised. The LittleBigPlanet community is so amazing and passionate over these games. When the 2021 server attacks happened we all rallied together online to keep it alive, if just for a little bit longer. Even at its very end, a lot of us had so much more creativity to share with the world. To all those out there listening, I hope you’re able to channel that creativity outlet even further beyond in the future, whenever and wherever that may be. As for me, I’m going to attempt to learn “Dreams”, Media Molecule’s spiritual successor to the LBP games, released on PS4/PS5. From what I’ve seen and played of that game, it scratches that itch LBP left on me. It’s so good.

Rest easy, Sackboy. Thank you for some of the best experiences I could have asked for in a video game. Here’s hoping for a LBP4 one day, old friend. 🌎

[cheeseburgersinparadise]

less of a horny ask as such, more of an appreciative ramble?

for a long time i was one of those people who was like "oh, i like fat, i'm just not a fan of it on guys"

your blog (among a lot of other cool people on here!) has honestly been a huge part in me picking that (tbh, mostly rooted in fatphobia) belief apart and learning to find the beauty in masculine fat/gaining bodies as well as feminine ones

you just have such a way with words when it comes to talking about the things you love about bigger dudes (your answers to the last few asks being case in point!)! that, plus the huge variety of different body types you reblog and gush over - it very much got through to me

then after sitting with that for a while, i kinda realized how much of a double standard i was holding myself to - even as i was appreciating all these fat people online, i was absolutely terrified of gaining any weight myself, and the more i thought about it the more i just... couldn't find a good reason to be?

fast forward a bit, and i'm probably the heaviest i've ever been at the moment (still skinny by your standards, i am sure :p) - but for the first time i'm kinda just chill with it - enjoying it a little, even!

and that feels GREAT

so thank you for whatever small part you played in getting me to that point ❤️

bitch you’re gonna make me cry? this is genuinely so nice of you 😭

I’m so honored to be a small part of this journey, because honestly, being here has been healing for me in a lot of ways too. I still struggle with body image but being here and seeing all of my wonderful mutuals and ppl I follow helps me start to internalize that fat is okay, even on myself. it’s incredibly hot, even.

I completely understand, though. Fatphobia runs strong and deep and weight gain is scary because it can change so much about how you’re treated and seen in society. I was terrified when I stopped dieting and gained a ton of weight. But it’s okay to be fat, it’s okay to get fat on purpose, food is good, and the human spirit needs indulgence and hedonism to get through this life.

I’m glad and proud that you were able to dismantle those thoughts because it’s HARD. I hope you continue enjoying your body however it decides to be, whether bigger or smaller, and know that it’s just part of life. It’s not a linear journey, but it pays off as long as you stay the course.

I’m very grateful for this ask; I’ve been feeling really off these past few weeks and stuff like this affirms that being here (and being horny ;)) makes a lil difference. We’re all healing together. 💕

[b1gtimerush]

marianas trench dialogue prompts from various marianas trench albums.

i don’t know what you want.

you will always find me here.

i’ll burn this place down.

this is not the man i hoped to be.

i’m just trying to stop the bleeding.

there’s nothing familiar here anymore.

is your face still sore?

i’m still a little crazy all the time.

i hate this room.

i know what you scream about.

i regret a lot of things.

why do you always end up right back here?

this might sting a bit.

you got here just in time to see everything fall apart.

c’mon, i know that you felt it too.

i don’t belong.

maybe you won’t be able to recognise me now.

i’m always on my knees for you.

where the hell have you been?

you always win.

all i want is you.

i don’t wanna be the bad guy.

take me with you.

take me home.

i don’t wanna be alone tonight.

i don’t know where to go.

i’m not eating.

i’m not sleeping.

i thought you were my friend.

well, i’m not sick of you yet.

is that as good as it gets?

they don’t know you like i do.

i like to push it until my luck is over.

i could take it, if you need to take this out on someone.

don’t pull away from me now.

if you leave now, i’ll come back and haunt you.

if you want me, i’ll come back and meet you.

you better get your story straight.

how’ve you been?

can i come in?

i’ve been taking you for granted.

you should know me by now.

don’t you know me by now?

i’ll give you something to cry about.

kiss me, just once, for luck.

i know you’re fine, but what do i do?

one day you will learn to love me.

sometimes it’s like i hardly know you.

i don’t want to see you happier with somebody else.

i’m well aware this should remain unspoken.

maybe i’m too proud to say i missed you.

tell me i survive.

what’s another bridge burned?

hey, ever just say fuck it?

what if we could find a way to try to heal?

it’s been—what? a half a year?

fill me in on how you’ve been.

i hate to admit it but i miss the war.

i just wish you’d open fire on me.

you should stay away from me.

who do you love?

i won’t come back to you broken.

maybe the truth hurts, so it’s easier not to know.

i’ve been so lost without you.

i’m not ready for what’s to come.

high time i face you.

get up and face me.

i’d rather hurt here than be happy somewhere else.

no one will scar me like you do.

a love like this will end in tragedy.

i know we won’t get out alive.

that’s not who i am anymore.

don’t miss me.

i can’t shake this ache i carry.

i’ve been running for forever from your ghost.

you’ve changed but it’s not enough.

it was easier back then.

i thought time was supposed to heal it.

i would love you if i could.

i would give you anything if i had anything to give left.

you still haunt the corners of my heart.

i dream of you.

[deadlybeautydbz]

So the last couple days, I’ve been getting high on my own supply and have been reading back over all my old stories. And I have thoughts.

My very first story was published on FFN when I was 12 years old. 12! I am now 36. That is well over half my life ago. Those stories are objectively bad. The writing is awful, the plots stupid, the characterisations non-existent. But I am so proud of them. I am proud of 12 year old DB who stumbled into something she loved and went for it. I’m proud of that little girl for sticking by it and working hard and keeping at it and not letting the naysayers get her down. If 12 year old DB hadn’t forged that path, 36 year old DB would be missing one of the greatest passions in her life - writing. I keep those awful stories online as a reminder to not just myself, but to others, that we all come from humble beginnings, and that with hard work, dedication and passion we can all become something greater than we ever imagined.

As I was reading through the back catalogue, I got to a (not so) little story called And Then You’ll Know. It’s an absolute behemoth at 47 chapters long and coming in at just under 250 thousand words, and all I can think is god damn I wish I hadn’t written it when I was 15. Having re-read over it now, I can see it. The bones are there for something special, but in 2002, when I was just a kid, I was in over my head. Writing about themes that I understood in theory, but didn’t have the lived experience or life skills to fully execute.

There is some deep shit in there. Family trauma, sexual trauma, bullying, violence, betrayal, love, loss - all the dark and gritty things I love to unpack in the things I write now, but voiced by someone whose understanding of the topics was just ever so slightly out of reach.

If I was writing that story now, I could write the absolute shit out of it. My god it would be next level good. I would pick apart those themes, explore those characters, write those words with the experience of someone who has lived a full life. It would be raw and gritty and, just like my real life, full of swearing and inappropriate content.

I can see the beginnings of my future style in that story too, and the improvements I made to my technique over the course of 47 chapters was insane.

Seriously, pick a random chapter between 1-10, and another between 35-47 and I don’t think you would know they were written by the same person the quality improves that dramatically.

And I’m so proud of little me. She worked so hard and improved so much - and don’t get me wrong, the latter chapters are still very far from perfect or even good, but you can see the learning and growth right in front of your very own eyes.

My kids would never read my stories, they’re all way to cool for that, but I hope that the lessons I have taught myself over the years of persuing a creative hobby - courage, trusting in yourself, perseverance, picking yourself up and dusting yourself off, not listening to people’s negativity, finishing something that you started - I hope that they are all lessons I have managed to pass onto them as they navigate their own lives. And I hope that anyone who might ever happen to stumbled over to my little FFN page, and see those ancient stories and contrasts them against what I’m able to creat today might be able to learn some of those lessons too.

I hope my writing brings good into the world and puts smiles onto people’s faces. That’s all really.

Anyway, if I ever get the chance, should I rewrite and republish ATYK with the skills of someone who actually knows how to string a sentence together?

[jessiesparkes]

OMG YOU WROTE TWINNING WITH A TWIST!!!

as someone who adores Ella and fully believes Sammy should have been a main character I love love love twintwist (does it have an abbreviation? like how slippery slopes is slipslop? the acronym is TWAT so i don’t wanna call it that lmao ANYWAY)

legit, probably one of my favourite fics. ever? I’ve reread it approximately 50 times I love it so much

it’s honestly a breath of fresh air reading, im going to be honest, most total drama fics in general because. wow what a change, the person who wrote this Actually Cares about the characters. wild. and twintwist is legit just That

the direction you took Ella and how she developed was so unexpected but made so much sense, i love how you took little details from the og season and expanded on them, like the thin apartment walls and her constantly wearing gloves (OOF) (also her Home Situation. did hit me a little personally)

and SAMMY!! omg this is what I mean when I say she should’ve been a main character!! i was cheering her and Ella on literally the whole way

Amy my beloved beloathed. kudos to you for actually giving her depth beyond “she is a bitch because reasons” and her redemption arc actually worked so well I loved it

I love how you wrote the other characters too!! did not realise a Beardo and Sammy friendship was something I desperately needed in my life but now I can never go back, Jashawn were somehow even more adorable and 100x less frustrating, Dave was. honestly a lot less unbearable

Scarlett and Sammy’s conversation in the treehouse is so many layers of fascinating. it lives rent free in my head. like yeah Scarlett was trying to manipulate a situation but like you question how much she genuinely meant the things she said. this is fully just me speculating but the line “romance doesn’t interest me personally” (or words to that effect) really makes me think. because like. that implies she could be romance-repulsed and/or aromantic, right? so when she’s talking to Sammy about how no, a lot of people will not understand Sammy and actively despise her, and it won’t be easy, but they don’t matter, you wonder how much Scarlett’s just BSing and how much she’s drawing from personal experience. she’s definitely not a good person (I processed that when she tried to kill everyone via island explosion) but there’s a LOT more to her than she lets on even post-reveal

speaking of Scarlett, when Sammy arrived on the PDL and found out apparently Scarlett was like in her early 20s masquerading as a teenager and this wasn’t her first run-in with the RCMP

i will confess

my first thought was “wait was she Izzy in disguise?!”

listen I have fully breached the “this is not what god (you) intended this is purely me reaching” zone, but… yeah lmao

ANYWAY I think I have bothered you enough with my ramblings, I’m CrystalHavoc on ao3, so you’ve probably seen all the rest of my Thoughts on ur fic. but i somehow just now found your tumblr so. i guess this is me putting one big notice of appreciation directly in your askbox. as a tdpi enjoyer and Ella-and-Sammy lover i super super love twintwist!!!

and idk how to end this so. yeah thank you!!! for writing it!!! ok bye

Hi there!! Gosh thank you so much for the kind message, I still can't believe I'm getting such high praise for Twinning (what I refer to it as rather than its abbreviation XD) after all this time! And for you to have reread it so many times?? I never realized how much of an effect it had on people :D

To be perfectly honest there are some parts of the fic that I kind of wish I'd done differently, but I'm sure that's what every creator thinks about their work. To this day I am still incredibly proud and humbled that it has struck a chord with so many people, and messages like these help to remind me that I'm able to make a positive change in this lifetime :)

When I originally wrote the Sammy and Scarlett scene, I had been writing Scarlett from an aromantic/asexual point of view, though I've since learned that classifying a villain as being incapable of falling in love is kinda ehhhhh not a great light to put them under. So now it's partially because of her being aromantic, and also because she's far too busy creating evil schemes engrossing herself in her work that she just simply doesn't care. And while Scarlett's ultimate goal was to make Sammy suffer by encouraging her to get together with Ella and then eliminating one or the other swiftly after, she more than likely did have some history with the topic of not letting others judge you for who you are. So yeah, she's a socially conscious greedy little nutcase :D (also yeah no she's not izzy, she just managed to fake her way into the game lol, though her being an adult is based off an izzy interpretation from another fic series)

Thanks so much again for all the support!! It genuinely means so much to me to see you and so many other people still loving the story to this day. Hopefully I can work up the ability to write more in the future, though unfortunately that's becoming increasingly harder to do :'( Anyways thanks again and I hope you have a wonderful day!! <3

[fettl3]

Hey friend, long time no talk.

How is this fireball of a world treating you?

Fair - I hope.

I miss you. Think about you all the time. Think about the times full of laughter and sarcastic comments. Long walks and trolley rides. Sharing music and stories. I reflect a lot on my adolescence and when I get to the part with you in it, just like with many other friends and ghosts, I’m grateful.

I’m not sure if you viewed our friendship the same way I did or even if you valued it for the same reasons I did. In a lot of ways I felt like you were one of the few people that understood me when I spoke. I feel like my Words never fell on deaf (ignorant) ears. It’s been so long I hope I still make sense.

I remember writing letters to each other. Trying to remain in touch until our fingertips finally lost grip. You helped me a lot in my first year of college, smoothing into things. I hope I helped you. Going to Chicago and all, always thought you were so brave for that. Envious, even. But always proud. We were into my second year when we stopped talking. We got busy I suppose.

I’m not sure what this message is, nor do I have a desired intent. A passing “hello” is what makes the most sense. I hope life has been kind to you. Hope you have a lot of new friends to depend on and share your love with. I hope the shadow in the back of your mind has been stunted by how full of light your life has become. And if not, I’m sure it’s on the way to becoming true.

Please keep your head above the water. I know the weight is heavy sometimes. People like you and I don’t really have the option but to keep on going. For our families, for ourselves. Don’t stop, ever.

Love ya, pal.

I’m on the train to work rn & started crying reading this. I feel like I’ve been waiting years for a whisper from you, & this beautiful little letter was more than I’d have ever hoped for.

I’ve missed you so much, but never knew what to do to contact you or where to start or I guess what to say. There are places in chicago that remind me of you because I go there when I miss you so much I can’t even talk to other people.

When we fell out of contact, I was wrapped up learning things that nobody, especially not anyone from where we are from, could have followed. I used those years to get answers I’d been dead set on getting, no matter the cost to my soul.

But my experiences pretending to be somebody I’m not has since made me stronger in my convictions. It gave me a strong sense of who I am not, who I’ve always actually been, and a clear & grounded idea of what I’m up against. A direction.

I say this to say that, had I heard from you just a year or two ago, I might have been ashamed of myself & not really able to connect with you. My memories of us are so treasured, almost crystallized, and in those times I need them like a map to come back home to myself.

I hope this explains the silence. I never stopped missing you. I never stopped thinking about places I’d take you if you were to visit me. I never stopped hearing your music, in my dreams of trolleys & downtown adventures. On the floor of my favorite memories. I hide those memories of you in the drawings I pin up in my apartment. I put our memories into my ceramics: letters to the souls that are missing in my daily life.

Please reach out again. Remarkably, I still have the same phone number as I did the day you google-maps-directed me through the then-foreign streets of chicago. As I did the day you drove up to San Francisco to pick me up. As I did the days we would freestyle & swing on swings into dusk. The same number as the day I spent my only $20 on chipotle for us to share because I knew that we were going to be friends.

Please reach out. I’d like to continue our adventures.

[xtrishacrisrn]

Hey, it’s been a while

Life lately has been so interesting. Before I even started composing this post I had went through my previous blog posts. I admire the 2017-2018 me, I was so inspired and it was so beautiful. I was all fired up with things and testimonies in front of me. I do miss those days, it’s bittersweet but I am extremely grateful that I had gone through that phase of my life. 

Looking back..

2019, I graduated with my Nursing degree and passed the board exams. Best day of my life. My smile everyday was ear to ear, seeing my folks so happy made me so happy too. I have always wanted to make them proud. I may not be the perfect daughter nor I don’t have the most perfect family, but I swear I love them unto the ends of the earth. I love my family (including friends) so much -- they have been there for me. They’ve witnessed all of my ups and downs. I thank God everyday for introducing me to such wonderful people. 

Same year, I had to go back to the US after graduating college. I needed to move to a new town which is in Tucson, Arizona (desert life). Basically starting from scratch, which I don’t mind. I always look back and reflect to what my Dad has instilled in me which is facing every obstacle and waves life may give me -- it shall pass.

I’ve started working in a hardware. Can you believe it? What do I know about handyman stuff? I had my professional hard earned degree with me, but I had to swallow my pride and start somewhere. There was a love and hate relationship with that job. Whenever I encounter customers wearing scrubs, I tend to get envious and inspired thinking that someday that will be me too... as I assemble wheelbarrows and load bird food to their cars. It was a fun and cool job after all. I love the people whom I’ve worked it. I hope they’re doing good, they’re amazing creatures. 

2020, this year is also an interesting one, pandemic hit the whole world. I had to quit my hardware job because of the fear of getting sick and transmitting it to my folks who are of advanced age. I didn’t mind being unemployed because at the same time I was studying for my NCLEX and not even paying rent yet. It took less pressure off of my schedule, but I was also losing money. Then I’ve decided to look for another job which was being a Rehab Nurse Tech. Like finally, a healthcare related job. Humble beginnings of my nursing life. Since it was a hospital job + pandemic, I needed to move out of my parent’s house. I’ve found this pretty one bedroom apartment unit which was 50 steps away from my mom which was awesome. The tech job was a challenge, I never worked night shift -- I did this to be able to afford rent and bills. Gladly, I survived and same year I passed my NCLEX! 

2021, I landed to the my first hospital job working as a Registered Nurse. It’s such a privilege having this job. We get to meet different types of people coming in and out of the hospital. I was still working night shift, in which I got tired of eventually. I can definitely say that this profession is my calling. I am so thankful for having the gift and blessing of having so much patience, being so understanding, and always being so compassionate. It fulfills me to be able to help other people during their most vulnerable times. Nursing has a good team, I love my coworkers and the diversity that we formed. 

After all of these, I know that at the end of the day I’m just not a “nurse” that some people identify me and asks me weird things. I don’t mind sharing, but I know that there is much more beyond who I am. I love who I am. I love writing -- in my other life I would be that journalist/writer who just loves to write until she’s tired and out of ideas. I love inspiring people. I love giving them hope and share that there is so much more for us to learn. We are all students for life. I am extremely grateful to the people who has been helping me and had contributed to mold me become a much more wiser person. I am so eager to inspire most of you. You are great, you have so much to do in this world. Enjoy the winding and fun journey of the so-called “life”

[fortunateprints]

From Fiction to Reality: How I Rediscovered My Passion and Built Fortunate Prints

With the growth of Fortunate Prints over the last few months I thought it was important to share more about my story. It definitely had more curveballs than I expected but I am happy to be able to create value for you on a daily basis. My name is Fortune Owens, and I am the business owner behind Fortunate Prints. Like many other people that I knew in high school, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I was good at a few things, but they felt more like hobbies rather than “real” skills, which is hilarious when I think about it now. I loved to write, especially fiction stories. I used to write snippets from novel ideas that I had and ask my mother to read them for me. She was incredibly supportive like many parents, always giving positive feedback and wanting to know more about where the story was going. She even provided me with writing prompts after school for a short time as a way of helping me hone my craft. She would leave a word for me that I had to look up in the dictionary, and then write a short story with the word in mind. I smile every time I think of the word “pugilist” to this day; the only reason I know what it means is because it was one of the words she left for me, it is another word for boxer, in case you were wondering.

Towards the end of high school, I really dived into competitive gaming, also known as esports now, and I was particularly good at the Halo series. Halo 2 and Halo 3 were the highlights of my short-lived career and Halo 2 in particular was a huge part of my late teenage years. Some of my oldest friends are friends I met online actually, a few of which, I am still close with to this day. I’ve dealt with depression since middle school, I had a rough time then, and frankly for a while I didn’t want to be here. I’m only sharing this detail with you because it’s an important factor for you to understand why Halo 2 meant so much to me. It took me away from my life and ultimately my mind. I couldn’t spend time thinking about my inadequacies and how much I didn’t like myself, or how I felt weak because I was a large 6’2 man in his youth that was missing out on so many things due to his overwhelming anxiety. When I played Halo 2, I was one of the top 1%, one of the elites, and though I wasn’t on a pro team I was good enough to be. I played thousands of hours of custom games with other pro players and had a wonderful time doing so. It just felt nice to be good at something. This led into me taking a break from my life near Seattle and moving to Portland, Oregon to plan a career in Halo 3. I placed in the pro bracket at a CPL Dallas event, which felt amazing. I was teaming with a friend of mine and though that team fell apart with some of the locals later, we stuck together for an event, we were even fully sponsored. We did alright but didn’t place in the pro bracket although I played well so I was proud of myself. It was a great time, and I learned a lot from it. After that I got into Mortal Kombat 9, a fighting game, and became one of the top players in the state. After Northwest Majors where I tied for 9th place, which was my first major tournament I had a lot of confidence, and every local tournament I went to after that I placed either first or second, aside from one in which I literally disqualified myself by accidentally pausing the game twice in a match. It was kind of hilarious, so I didn’t even get mad, I was learning a new character and her buttons were weird to me, but that’s another story. My point with all of this is these games probably saved my life, because I loved them and I met friends through them, and ultimately, they led me to video editing and graphic design. I started to love editing Halo montages and I always loved movies, so getting to edit brought me closer to something I already loved. I think the fact that I was a storyteller really lent to my love for editing actually, it allows you to craft a story out of footage, and sometimes you can even change the story within the editing process. So, when I think about it, I really owe Halo because without it, I never would have gone to college to study Digital Media. I graduated with a focus on filmmaking, but I learned the basics of motion graphics, 3D animation, and quite a few other things that were invaluable. I wrote and directed a proof-of-concept pilot episode of my show called Epytombs, which I was incredibly excited for but that’s when the biggest curveball was thrown my way. I wasn’t feeling well throughout the production, and I hid it from people because it was the biggest moment of my life; and so many people volunteered their time to help me, so I didn’t want to let them down. After principal photography was over and we headed into post-production, where I began editing over the next few months, I felt worse and worse. Eventually I ended up in the emergency room about 4 times over the course of 6 weeks.

They couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me, and my fear and frustration were tag teaming each time they sent me home. Eventually I received an endoscopy, which is where they stick a tube down your throat with a camera on it, and they found a hiatal hernia which was causing severe GERD, gastro esophageal reflux disease, symptoms. It changed my life, and I spent the next 2 years just trying to survive without being in pain. Unfortunately, the side effect was that my film project sat on the backburner the whole time and by the time I got my health under control the moment had felt like it had passed, leaving me feeling completely lost for a while. I worked and went through other trials, but I never lost my passion for creating new things and telling stories. I liked the idea of creating things that mattered, that helped people by making them think about things differently, or improving their mental health. Over time I began to read about self-publishing through Amazon and at first, I was skeptical; how could this business be successful without hundreds of thousands of dollars’ worth of marketing? How would people know my books even existed among the millions of other books on Amazon and why would anyone want to buy my books when they had no idea who I was, or what I had to offer? All good questions, but after everything I had been through over the last few years, why not? My mother gave me my name, so I thought it was respectful to use it, and Fortunate Prints was born. Though I had a background in design, book publishing was completely new to me so I spent a while researching how to do it properly before I began. I started with journals because they are simpler to make. The interiors are lined paper and the covers are where your creativity gets to shine and to my surprise, I absolutely loved the process. I created countless journals with various designs, catering to people with a wide variety of interests and it felt great. When I was younger, I loved notebooks and journals, they let me get the crap out of my head, well, it felt like crap back then, but that “crap” is what makes each of us who we are. I soon realized that I was publishing products that added value to people's lives, and soon I expanded into other things that people enjoy but also add value. I started publishing Sudoku and other logic puzzle books, as well as both kids and adult activity books. Knowing that I am publishing things that were fun while improving mental health, and teaching kids while putting smiles on their faces has been the best feeling in the world.

If there is any piece of wisdom that can be taken from my story, I think it’s that you never know how your life is going to come together. I expected to be a filmmaker or professional gamer, but my skills and life struggles led me to Fortunate Prints, where all my skills come together, just in a way that I couldn’t have predicted. We can’t see the path ahead, even though sometimes we believe we can. It’s easy to look back and see how you have reached your present, but the future is always a mystery, trust me. I’ve learned to believe in myself, even when I’m scared and I feel uncertain, because I always end up on a path that feels right, even if it’s not what I imagined. I think that’s what life is, a series of mysteries, which means that ultimately your choices are what matter; not how you feel, or what you think, it’s all about what you do.

[theadventuresofmanders]

July 3 2022 - Oh the things I could say about this hike…. It was both purposefully and accidentally the longest hike I’ve gone on. Purposefully since we had planned for it to be around 8-9 miles, accidentally in that we read the markers wrong at the top of Milbrook mountain and went 2 miles into Minnewaska State Park and had to turn around. We gained almost 1000ft of elevation on this hike… which to me was fantastic…to my hiking partner however, not so good. You see she forgot to mention that she has a deadly fear of heights until after we started the excursion. Luckily I am a therapist so I was able to talk her down from a panic attack but I don’t think she will be doing any future mountain hikes with me, maybe a nice leisurely nature walk! Love her so much for challenging her fears and even more proud of her recognizing her limits moving forward. Let me tell you we definitely got some height on this hike. To this day this is one of my favorite and most challenging hikes, in many ways. On this hike I bit ass and fell (as per usual unfortunately, I have fallen on all my hikes, I HAVE invested in walking polls this week and they will make an appearance on this blog soon). So back to the main thought… I bit ass climbing up a scramble on a ridge falling and bashing my knee into a sharp rock. Unfortunately I was bleeding so my friend insisted she take a look - this is how I ended up bare ass at the top of a mountain, as you cannot roll workout leggings up past your knee. THAT was an experience I will tell you that. Still have a scar on my knee from it. Luckily our hiking trail was pretty bare as this was a more secluded trail with ridges and some more intense scrambles. We were crawling up some steep ridges at some points on our hands and toes. We started this hike at an early hour and didn’t finish until we were racing to our car to beat the sun setting. This hike I finally got my new little fanny pack- nicknamed the ugly pack- I am obsessed with it; and as you can see I got real hiking boots. I would say with proper gear hikes are more accessible to me as I don’t have to worry about back pain or rolling an ankle now (my boots have extra ankle support for many weak ass ankles).

The Hike Details:

Location: Mohonk Preserve, NY

Hike Trails: Traps Road > Bayards Path > Milbrook Ridge Trail > Coxing Trail > Traps Road (this does not include our brief detour into Minnewaska trails wise)

Miles: 11.6

Elevation gain: 928ft

Highest Elevation: 1622

Temperature: 82°/61°

Things I learned from this hike:

- What you put on your back matters, this fanny pack (albeit so ugly I love it) made hiking so much more enjoyable since my back wasn’t aching within the first few miles

- Hiking boots HIGHLY recommend, that’s all I say on that

- Finally packed enough water….had we not done an extra 2 miles on accident; I was parched by the end

- Hiking as the sun is setting is mildly unsettling, especially when you saw signs of large animals throughout the hike, we were booking it by the end of the hike

- I still concur that pull apart cherry Twizzlers are a god tier snack when hiking

[twominutemilk]

01/04/23 13:52

Damn it’s been a long time hasn’t it? Three years sure do fly by. What can I say, I got into Udub, got into my major, met some amazing people, grown as a person so much, I finally graduated from a university. This is it, no “oh I have a couple more credits here and there”, that’s it, it’s over, I’m done with my undergraduate. Here I am. I didn’t do nearly as good as I thought or hoped, but I tried hard, really hard. I got so much better at school and at learning to be proud of myself. I have a new apartment (1st one) idk if I was there in my old entry but I’m here, it’s coo I like it a lot still. Got my nice car that I’ve had for like two years now. Damn what a feeling to be done and have everything. My own apartment with my beautiful and sexy girlfriend, amazing friends and family, a nice ass car, graduated from university. I remember when I started this account I was so deep in the trenches, my thoughts had me by the fucking throat and would never let go, a day wouldn’t go by where I wouldn’t worry about what I’m going to do with my future and if I was ever going to make it. I used to dream about having a life like this. Now here I am. Looking back at past Jeff, I wish I could tell him things get better, they truly do, I believe it now. I have hope in myself. I wish I could tell him all his worries were justified but that it all came together. Sure I wish I had a college experience but I’m glad I could just graduate with what I wanted. Here I am sitting in the shower just feelin some type of way. Now for future Jeff, our next step is the MCAT. That’s our big hurdle we gotta overcome as well as strengthening our application. This is for you future Jeff, if you’re reading this, you can do it. Honestly. Remember when you were at north Seattle, where you came from, failing classes left and right, not being able to study for labs just because you couldn’t. Now where you are a smart kid, helping others in university in biochemistry. Believe in yourself. If you can’t do it because of what you’ve done, believe in yourself for how far you’ve come. You couldn’t have come this far if you couldn’t do it. Remember where you came from and that you can do it. Even though you might not believe in yourself now as you’re reading this, I believe in you now as past Jeff. Keep your head high. Sigh, I really wonder where we’ll be next time you look at this. Maybe not for a couple years and maybe I’ll be in med school. Maybe I’ll have been rejected my first round, only time will tell.

[restforthe-burdenedsoul]

Some 2022 Reflections

I had a lot of accomplishments, chaos, and defining moments in 2022.

I came out to my family in March. This was by far the hardest part of the year and something that will continue to affect me for a bit. I am proud of myself for doing this even if the weight is still heavy. Im hoping I’ll see more of the benefits of this in 2023.

M and I moved into a 2 bedroom apartment in August!! I finally have an office room and it’s cut down my stress being able to close the door when the day is done. My daily routine feels a little more structured.

I started grad school in August. This is something I’ve wanted to do for a very long time, but life kept getting in the way. I’m very thankful that M is supportive on this decision and really helped me during the transition to full time school. I’m feeling more settled after this semester. 

I transferred to a closer work location in August. This has also cut down on stress because half my day isn’t taken over my driving anymore. It took a bit to get acclimated, but (for a job I don’t like) I really enjoy working in this county vs the old one. It’s so much more structured. (Can you tell I thrive on structure? Haha)

I overcame my anxiety and flew alone again in September. This was huge after the huge panic attack I had in the airport October 2021. My anxiety has been so much more under control this year and I’m so glad I started medication.

I got married to M in November 🥰 I couldn’t imagine anyone better by my side and im glad we got to celebrate with those who fully support our marriage and who we are as individuals and as a couple.

I survived the holidays and I didn’t isolate myself. I really did not think I was going to be around anyone on thanksgiving and Christmas, but I tried my best to be thankful for the family I do have that is supportive of M and me. There were a lot of breakdowns, but I suppose that’s normal. We are ending 2022 with a mini get away trip just the two of us, so I’m happy with that :)

I made it most of the year without relapsing into harmful coping skills. I’m giving myself some grace for the end of the year because the holidays intensify emotions. I went on like, a week bender of drinking way too much intentionally, but I’m feeling a lot better now that Christmas is over. Like, I figured I’d be drunk all day Christmas Eve and even through to today, but I was able to tell myself no and now I’m back to not really having the urge. I am sad I self harmed in November, but I tend to bounce back from that easier than the drinking. amidst the bad coping skills, I’d say 90% of the time I was using healthy coping skills. Even my self talk is gentle the majority of the time. I need to focus more on the positive times than the negative because I really think overall, I did so much better at coping this year.

I think I learned a lot about myself and my needs this year. I’m still no where I want to be emotionally and I think I struggled more with emotional outbursts this year than last year, but I think I can finally identify where a lot of it is coming from…and honestly I think it has a lot to do with my parents and how I was raised. This is another topic for another day, but this was a big breakthrough moment for me. I’ve also learned more about how to ask for what I need when I’m feeling overwhelmed. It’s still a work in progress, but I think I’m getting there.

Overall, the year was not what I had hoped for, but it gave me the growth I needed. Hoping to take these skills into 2023 and continue working on this self healing journey

[tubbietommo]

I said it yesterday, Seb’s quotes were going to be the inspiration for this Monday Motivation. Mainly because I strongly believe that if we keep talking about Seb as a human, he is never leaving us for real. Yes, I am in denial and it hasn’t sunk in yet. I wanted to make a whole Daniel/Mick/Seb/Nicky Monday Motivation… but now I think I’ll shine a little spotlight on these beautiful quotes.

Yesterday I saw a TikTok that said ‘only six more weeks till 2023’ and normally it would give me the biggest rush of anxiety. “SIX WEEKS? But I haven’t achieved a whole lot and there is so little time…” But this year I am taking a different approach. Instead of just looking at the big things (like working for a company I loved, getting back on track with making myself healthier and of course getting my bachelor diploma last week), I am looking at all the small things that in hindsight made a big difference for my happiness and I want to ask you to do the same. I would love to hear the small things that made your January till November happier! 🧡

Here’s a small list of mine: I got closer with my friends since high school, I met new people and became close with them, I started doing these Monday Motivations and we became closer, I went on small little trips that are now big memories, I put myself out there and started this dating journey, I went to more concerts in a year than I’ve ever done, I started to take more pictures (no… I am not starting a babette.jpg even though I do think I could run a good account), I’ve seen more F1 cars in a year than I’ve ever done and most importantly I chose myself countless of times.

So, am I gonna give you a piece of homework this week? Yeah, I am! Write that list! Sit yourself down and write/record/sketch/whatever else a list of moments. Little moments of happiness and positivity to combat the stress of this year almost coming to an end. And if you feel like sharing, I’m a nosy bitch so… send them my way 🥰

Have a great week! 🍀

Damnnn getting homework from Babette. I gotta do my best.

I'm still sick so I missed this post on Monday (also I'm still very much not over Seb having officially retired. I think I'm gonna join Lewis his delusional world and convince myself he's coming back).

You got your bachelor diploma?!?! CONGRATS. PROUD OF YOU ❤️❤️

Anyways I'll give you my list right here, right now (might forget some things):

Being able to watch Seb drive irl at Spa. Super grateful to my dad that he wanted to share that experience with me. I still think about that day.

I learned how to crochet!!! And I'm loving it so much. I make plushies, I make flowers, I made a tote bag for my friend's birthday.

I finally after years having felt like I had to lose weight for others (like as a kid I had to do it for doctors or my mom etc etc) and fail. I finally can say I'm 100% doing it for myself, doing it my own way and letting no one interfere with it, and I already am having small victories. Which I'm really proud of. I also am going to make a documentary about this for my school project. So wish me luck on that one haha

I realized how much more happier and relaxed I was when I was single. So I decided to choose for myself again.

I think 2022 is the first year where I would say "hey this was a pretty good year" (apart from the whole Seb thing. But not everything is about f1 sksksksk).