#I could take it a little bit further and say he’s autistic because of the damaged peacock/amok/whatever but that feels weird so I won’t

[soullessjack]

ive been thinking a lot about how adrien was supposed to be disabled during his concept development and how much of a missed opportunity the whole thing was, like. on one hand I honestly respect the writers for backing out of a topic they thought they wouldn’t be able to handle well; not to say the representation in miraculous is anything great but it shows they do care about it at the very least, which is more than most media can say. I also know this was a decision that came way before the show even started, but I feel like Tomoe Tsurugi is proof that they can write disabled characters and do it in a way that’s fairly decent, so i feel like they could still incorporate it in now since their prior concern is pretty much ruled out (they’re never gonna do this).

and narrative wise I think it would add very much to the entire Agreste family arc, like idk. you could have his disability be a result of the peacock’s damage, or damage to his Amok. have it be part of the reason why Gabriel is so controlling and isolating (ie; viewing his son as frail and made of glass now) and distant/abusive (viewing his son as now “less than perfect,” at least in terms of what he’d envisioned for a perfect child, and blaming Emilie’s sickness/death on it). Adrien’s modeling career is entirely just inspiration-sensationalism with a “hopeful ray of sunshine” public persona. it can even be important to cat noir, too! it’s still an escape from his home life and career, but it’s also a chance for adrien to show that he’s not as fragile as gabriel thinks. It’s his own way of having independence and autonomy and for once being someone that isn’t constantly pitied or made to pretend he’s a docile ray of sunshine constantly.

I’m also deeply autistic enough to say it could match with him being the holder of destruction; half of his life is centered around preserving him and, again, treating him like he’s made of glass. so why not give him the power to literally crack and shatter that glass? poetic cinema and all that. additionally it adds to both why he’s so unserious with his role as a superhero and why he values his partnership with ladybug so highly—he’s indulging in this new freedom while also recognizing that the partnership it comes with is about the only one where he’s genuinely treated as an equal and trusted to take his own part in something. that’s not to say I think all of his friends would instantly change personalities and baby him (especially not Nino) but let me tell you, even as someone who’s not physically disabled, the distinct feeling of being othered or unequal is there no matter how much support you have.

everybody knows this already but there’s just so much potential in everything that the writers don’t do reagghhhhhghhhh

[snookienthusi4st]

random hcs w/ near x fem reader!

one of my absolute fav characters

warnings: smut, subbing, cockwarming, angst with comfort

nsfw under the cut

• i would say that you guys met before the kira case, maybe at wammy’s or just through family/friends

• only because i doubt he would’ve been out of the spk building much during the case, and he doesn’t seem like the type to get randomly attached to one of his workers

• keep in mind you work with him and not for him like halle, so you don’t fall under that umbrella

• you and halle are friends, she loves you

• since you stay and work with him, you guys have nights where you sleep over in her room and you guys just talk and have fun

• you and near are such an unexplainable friendship

• like halle and the other workers are so confused bc if he met anyone else that acted similar to you, he didn’t take nearly as much of a liking to him as he did to you

• but he enjoys having you around, even though he’s hard to read

• since you two had always been close, there was never really a time where you were shy around him, unless it was just a part of your personality

• you could easily just go sit by him while he was working and start a conversation with him and hours would speed by like seconds

• i headcannon him to be autistic to some degree, so eye contact is kinda hard for him

• social cues as well, which i think is why he pisses mello off like anytime he talks

• but you don’t see him as any less because of little things like that, which he’s silently grateful for

• asking him out was very fast

• the whole exchange was maybe like ten seconds tops

“hey near?”

“hm?”

“can i be your girlfriend?”

“sure.”

• he was happier than he let on though

• your relationship is more on the private(not a secret) side, and all in all it’s very healthy

• you guys don’t go out for dates much even before kira, but you hang out often so it makes up for it

• you play games together, like cards and dolls and hot wheels, he eats that shit up fr

• you bought him a dollhouse or a mini racetrack or something and that was the first time he kissed you

• as for kisses, they’re fleeting and he keeps you on your toes

• he’s never big on pda or js affection in general, less because he dislikes it and more because he’s just never experienced it before

• but you help him soften up a bit, and he slowly grows fonder of little things, like kissing your hands and cheeks

•he loves kissing your hands: wrists, knuckles, you name it and he’s right there

• like you’re cupping his face and he reaches a hand up to move one of yours closer and he kisses your palm :3

• sometimes he’s lonely when you’re outside the building, but he’s never insecure(cough mello cough)

• he trusts you completely and knows that you love him just the way he is

• sex

• oh good heavens where do i start

• sub almost every single time

• ik i said he’s not big on affection but for some reason sex has always been one of his handful of exceptions

• eats pussy like a god

• mans will have you absolutely hooked, obviously giving him space between rounds but never passing up an offer to have any type of sex w him

• first time you two did it he was antsy beyond belief

• anytime you made a sound whether it was good or bad even though they were always good, he’d have to resist the urge to pull away and make sure you were okay

• you never rushed him, but gradually he grew more comfortable with sex and was barely ever nervous anymore

• he has a low libido, but if yours is higher he’ll gladly accommodate for you via overstimulation or vibrators and other toys

• likes head, but is super sweet and will always put you first if you’re both needy that time

• really likes head

• i think he just likes seeing your face, and maybe just the fact that you’re the one giving him head

• he’s quiet, but really easy to hear during sex

• he whimpers fs, and maybe moans a bit further on

• probably into orgasm denial, for both of you but mostly on him

• he can talk really dirty when he feels like it, every word he says during sex seems to have a purpose whether it’s to get you closer or just to tease you

“talk all you want, you can’t deny the mess you’re making of yourself.”

“aren’t you cute, thinking i’m gonna let you get off that easy.”

• he’s smart with his words and studies your reactions so he knows more of what to say in the future

• also he has an rbf but it’s less bitchy but more nonchalant, he only ever really smiles or anything like that after you guys are done because he’s too focused on you to even think about it

• his face during sex is so hot

• he would be into cockwarming and size training, but honestly i think he’d prefer it as less of a sexual thing and just something intimate instead

• sitting on his lap with his cock between your legs, gently stretching you out as you play with his hair and chat with him about his day while he works

• during the kira case, he’d be restless, and sometimes you’d wake up early to find him hunched over and snoring in his chair

• besides basic hygiene(i.e. baths, brushing his teeth) i feel like he’d have some trouble taking care of himself so you’d help him

• when he isn’t busy you guys have mini slumber parties where you wear face masks which he hated at first but got used to and play with barbies and it’s just a nice time

• he likes just being in a room with you, you make rooms good*

• the night after mello came back to the spk to get his photo, he cried in your arms for the first time(might make a fic abt this)

• it was just everything on top of everything, and he wished they hadn’t grown up the way they did because he really did care about him

• you held him close and cradled him in your arms, reassuring him that it was okay to cry and okay to feel, you have no idea how much that meant to him

• he can’t imagine his life without you in it

• listens to mitski, mom jeans, and cocteau twins

• doesn’t listen to music much, but it helps him destress

• likes generic cookies like oreos

~

*you’re immediately my friend if you recognize the saying

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I changed my name because people are overusing the nickname privilege?

2 years ago, I (29, transmasculine) changed my name. For the sake of this ask, since I don't want to use my real name, a decent equivalent is James, so I'll be using that instead.

I originally told my mom and my roommate/close friend (Alex, 29, agender) I was okay with the nickname Jamie, but I'd prefer to mostly be called James, especially when it comes to people I don't know well.

I tried to set this boundary because the nickname feels a little feminine, even if it's technically gender neutral. I don't pass very often, so it makes me uncomfortable to think people who don't know me might misunderstand, and think I am simply a woman with a gender neutral nickname. So I envisioned Jamie being reserved for the people closest to me because of that.

Both my mom and Alex opted to call me Jamie immediately. They introduced me to friends, family members, and even strangers as Jamie, put my name in their phone as Jamie. My mom sends me packages addressed to "Jamie [lastname]". Just the other day, Alex's grandma sent us chocolates in the mail and the note inside said "Merry Christmas Alex and Jamie!" and I am not close to her by any means, I am positive Alex must have told her that's my name. Just tons and tons of little things like that.

It took me a while to catch on - at first I thought people simply decided to call me Jamie on their own, or heard Alex or my mom talk to me and figured it was okay. I'm autistic, so it takes a while to figure out the best way to approach a problem involving social skills. I didn't want to immediately jump in and say "hey, don't call me that, you don't know me well enough," because I think that's a bit callous. And I thought I was dealing with just a few acquaintances - not literally everyone Alex or my mom talks to.

I confronted both of them about a year ago, when I finally put it together. They said they're not intentionally disregarding my feelings, but "Jamie suits you so much more" so they forget and it just slips out.

(I could be wrong, but I think this is probably because Jamie can be a girl's name and I still look like a girl. So, yeah, of course they'd feel that way.)

I begged them to stop and call me James if they're talking to people about me. My mom promptly "forgot" again. Alex has gotten better about it, but still slips up. Even if they were perfect, I feel like the damage is done after 2 years of this.

To further complicate things, Alex actively avoids using pronouns to refer to people in speech. They will say things like "I've been told that the flight was canceled" instead of "he said he canceled the flight". This is due to anxiety because they're not great at remembering pronouns & doesn't want to accidentally misgender anyone. So there is a lot of general confusion about my pronouns amongst the groups that are connected to Alex. (I don't really use social media, so informing people of my pronouns is more complicated than just putting them in my bio and calling it a day. I've asked Alex to please just say he/him, but they're so resistant and weird about it because of their irrational fears, which...honestly just feels transphobic now).

Now I've started to ask them to drop the nickname entirely, even privately. Call me James and nothing else forever. Jamie has been thoroughly ruined for me, I just feel nauseous when I see or hear it. But at this point, since I lost my job & most of my social network is through Alex, everyone calls me Jamie, and it's exhausting to correct them over and over when it's such a small, seemingly pedantic thing. I don't mind a little confrontation or advocating for myself, but this...this is beyond what I can handle without getting severely stressed out.

So I've been considering changing my name to something else that doesn't have such a common gender neutral/feminine nickname. Just start over. Reset.

But this would be the third time I've changed my name. The first time was like 6 years ago, and it only lasted a few months before I decided it didn't fit, and went back to using my deadname while I figured myself out. My family remembers this well, and 2 years ago when I told them I go by James now, expressed their frustration because I "keep changing things and it's confusing". I'm worried that if I change my name again, nobody will bother to take it seriously, they'll just assume I'll change it again, so why bother using the correct name at all.

Plus I do see how it could be considered petty or immature. It took years to settle on the name I have now. I put a ton of thought into it. I used to love it. I might be TA for letting something as unimportant as an overused nickname sway me to the point where I feel like I need to throw the whole name away.

I mean, I understand why younger trans people might do that, since they have less of their life established and are figuring out who they are, but I'm nearly 30, so I feel like I am getting too old for this. It's just tiring.

Idk, I probably won't make any decisions based on the results of this, but the feedback would be helpful to consider. WIBTA?

What are these acronyms?

[themaster72]

ALRIGHT WHAT IS PROMISED IS A DEBT, LOVEWEB HYPERFIXATIONS GO! in this episode: "details"

MANON WITH [circle with all but upper left quadrant black] EYES FOR GLOW IS CANON! (yeah, i definitively predicted it, and im definitively taking all credit for a casuality while looking like an idiot, spaking of, where is the punchline of this jok-)

now we have credits for the VAs of loveweb! i wanted to say thank you for making the peeps feel so alive! (i could really feel the... "non-bynary..ness? yeah thats a word now" on manon!)

"fake" miku and gondola are back! that was a nice callback to the other episodes! (my guess is that miku plays spy because of the suit n tie, and gondola plays soldier because it likes to fly around using the rocket launcher)

does he know? (and does he like sam and max?)

manon is a pyro main? not confirmed but i theorize it could be because of pyro-vision, i mean, come on, i cant be the only one who thinks that, right?

ok lets take a break its just... wow, that... got emotional for a moment... but i like this, cybermare had to take an "edgy older sister" moment in order to solve things out, which was cool to see, as based as she is, we all commit mistakes, and i understand having something so dear to you getting massacred and neglected by its creator (anyone remembers angry birds? wait im derailing here-) also the part where she didnt want manon to take things personaly but the misunderstanding happened... yeah that my whole life, and it sucks, so im at least glad that had a little bit of cover on that, alongside being able to talk things out peacefully and understanding the viewpoint of the other person, i feel like thats something that is slowly being lost as internet goes further into its existence and in real life too! seriouslly its not so hard explaining why you think like you think in a non-agressive way folks!

and to finish... "oh! I know you don't like being touched so this is how i show affection!" i swear this freaking cat is autistic in some way WHY AM I PROYECTING OVER THIS

so yeah i really liked this new episode! it has a bit of everything and covers tf2 from all angles like it promised! i learned some stuff! (and i might aswell try team fortress 2 classic and open fortress, they seem fun! i really need to practice my aim...) so yeah, thank you for everything shadok!

[masha-nikita]

Fedor von Bock's War Diary, a commentary

I have been reading von Bock’s war diary, and have noticed some interesting trends. I tend to agree with the Amazon top reviewer M. G Watson’s opinion, that it is written in excruciating details and professional jargon, and it may pose some problems for casual readers.

To a lay person, von Bock’s diary is heavily bogged down by factual statements and descriptions of the frontline situation, and its lack of sensibility means that the entries do not take the viewers deeper into analyzing a bigger picture nor do they show the colors of the writer’s mind and intentions- yet paradoxically, it is precisely what Bock’s mind is like- soldierly and loyal, to a point that he lacks common sense in basic human relations.

You’d get a sense that, yes, clearly this beauty is a bit off-kilter; no wonder according to E.A. Hart's "Hitler’s Generals", he was a social outcast among the officers, his harsh professional skills have no use in a normal civil society, and in turn, anything or anybody not wearing an uniform does not exist to him. You couldn't get more "autistic" than that.

The diary is clearly self-conscious that there may be readers, and oh boy, does von Bock like to complain to his readers that the OKH commanders are idiots! But not to a point that it attempts to manipulate the readers’ perceptions in order to virtue signal or to back stab, like certain historical memoirs do.

What I do not agree with Watson entirely, is whether or not his respect for Hitler was genuine, as Bock needed to maintain a positive relationship with the Fuhrer to get what he wanted, or else Halder would limit his actions left right and center, which exasperates von Bock.

It is said that Bock was initially heavily implicated in the 720 plot, only to be spared because one of his former staff commented that “Bock has been very respectful of the Fuhrer”—the thing is, that officer cited this according to his older memories, not knowing that in his retirement, Bock demonstrated how hateful he was of Hitler’s guts (source needed).

Personal comments and private sentiments are so lacking in this diary that I believe Bock was secretly socially awkward-- yet he was not afraid to make other generals awkward with him. He only regarded other generals as parts of his professional military machinery. However, he didn’t seem to hold any grudges-- I mean, the Kluge-Guderian kind of negativity, hating other generals and trying on colleagues' career destruction all the damn time.

Basically, people agreeing with Bock = a happy Bock; people not agreeing with Bock = a angry-crying emoji Bock. He also uses simplistic language like “beautiful lads”, “the soldier beamed at me", “the division is good but tired” that gives off impressions of him speaking whatever is on his mind. He keeps his diary content strictly professional, so when emotions do break out, these are oh so simple, pure and raw. Bock uses exclamation marks too excessively, a sign that he doesn’t know how to employ elaborate words to communicate how he feels.

When he laughs, he laughs; he laughs at the paranoid patients' wild antics; when he's upset, he's upset, saying "Schlieffen turns in his grave!" because "I am not allowed freedom further eastward!" It pains me to see he say things like "The misery those fleeing the war is terrible", "frightful misery of the refugees, but what can I do?" The helplessness in Bock's voice is so astounding when his personal interests, his character and the war context are taken into consideration.

It is so beautiful when a butcher knife weeps tears of blood.

If the emotion runs even deeper, he becomes quieter and more reserved. The readers have no chance seeing his softer spots. Who could blame this hardened soul for never writing anything about his stepson, whom he dressed up in little sailor outfit and took to see a military parade, so full of hope that the boy could be like him, or his grief when his family died?

11-9, 1939, Fedor von Bock very briefly and vaguely ordered von Kuchler to convene a court martial. Through the editor's archival supplement, we see that the SS artillery members killed lots of Polish Jews, and Fedi was NOT pleased. This informs me that when Fedi lingers on the "positive notes" about Hitler, it was probably artificial. Either massive Jewish civilian death really shook him, or he deliberately hid this court martial incident from his readers-- of whom there were certainly Nazi personnel.

[vic-draws-sometimes]

What would Johnny do?

Or another brain dump y'all call fics, in which autistic Simon tries to take care of Johnny

He was a dog. A rabid dog, if you will.

A killing machine.

A ghost.

He tortured, stabbed, murdered... He didn't comfort.

Yet, as he was standing in front of Johnny, he suddenly wished that he was normal. Not just not a killer, but also... Not stupid, as so many would say.

Johnny had been acting weird for a week, now, but Simon, or anyone for that matter, bothered to do anything. It was unfair, really. Johnny was always the first to cheer someone up, to give them a hug or space when they needed. Ghost was the first to know that.

But when he started feeling off, no one approached him. Ghost included. And now he regretted.

Why didn't he talk to him sooner? Why didn't he take care of him? Offer him comfort like Soap does to him? He knew why, of course. He wasn't a comforting presence, it wasn't in his nature. Even if he tried, he was always too blunt, too straightforward, not reassuring.

But no matter, he should've tried.

Because now Johnny was curled up by the side of his bed, panting and holding his head. He barely noticed Simon coming in his room to give him paperwork, or even noticed him standing there like a fool for a good two minutes.

''Johnny...'' he tried, but couldn't find words. The smaller man jumped a bit at the sound, but didn't move. Ghost then approached him, putting the paperwork on his desk, forgotten already.

''m sorry, LT... I'll... I'll get back to work in a bit.'' Johnny said, much smaller than what Simon would like, and much more out of breathe.

Simon was so worried, he forgot to reassure him that he didn't need to work just yet.

What should he do? What did people do to comfort other people? Shushing them, pet them, smile... That didn't seem appropriate.

What did Johnny do, when he was in a similar state? He made him tea... Touched his arms and held him tight. He didn't ask questions, never did.

''Look, Ghost... Can you just... '' the scot trailed off, his voice trembling slightly. ''Go... Please.''

The last plea made Simon hesitate. Should he listen to him and leave? Rationally, he should.

But it hurt in a way Simon wouldn't be able to describe, seeing his Johnny in this state.

Finally, he sat next to Johnny, in silence. He held out in hand to him, not looking at his face. After a minute of further silence, Johnny put his hand in his, and Simon started to rub at his skin, massaging the many muscles.

They stayed like this for a long time, eventually Johnny put his head on Simon's shoulder.

''I feel shitty.'' was the first thing he said, sounding way too tired. Simon looked at him briefly, encouraging him but not forcing it out.

''Sometimes everything just gets too much, you know? I... I love the team, and what we do, but I always feel like the new one. I'm annoying people around me, I'm not as skilled... I get injured all the time, and make people worry. I hate it. I...''

Johnny sighed, leaning a bit more into the bigger man. Simon got the message and wrapped his arms around him.

''I'm pathetic.'' he finished, closing his eyes. Simon thought for a little while. How could he extinguish these thoughts?

''You're not.'' is all he ended up saying, a bit blunter that he would've liked.

''If you were that useless, we wouldn't keep you on the team. If you annoyed people so much, Price would've kicked you out... It's true that you get hurt a lot, though. I would like you to stop. '' his honesty mixed with that last comment extracted a little laugh from Johnny, it sounded like heaven after a week of not hearing it.

''Always the right words...'' he said, a little sarcastic.

''I'm sorry for being like this, I'll get myself together. '' he added, straightening up to get out of the hug. Except Simon held him tight.

''No. Take a break, rest. I'll make you some tea and stay with you for as long as you need. And stop apologizing, '' it once again came out more like an order than reassurance, but at least Johnny didn't take it to heart, scoffing.

''Make it a coffee, then we got a deal.''

''Got it.''

Ghost finally let him leave his arms. Soap got up, only to sit on the edge of his bed.

Like promised, Simon took back the paperwork and came back with a coffee. They spent the next hours in bed, cuddling and trying to ease the scot's worries.

''Why didn't you talk to me?'' Simon eventually asked.

''About what?''

''All of that. You've clearly been feeling like this for a while, so why didn't you come to me?'' Johnny took a second to think about it, drawing circles on Simon's chest.

''Didn't want to bother you...'' he murmured, but Simon heard.

''Bother me? You... You help me so much, yet you worry to bother me by asking for my help?''

''Yeah, got a problem with that?'' Soap tried to joke, but it didn't land, Simon was a bit offended.

''Yeah I got a problem with that. It's not fair that you see me at my most vulnerable and refuse to show a bit more of yourself to me. Am I not trustworthy?''

Both men were now silent. Suddenly Johnny sat upright to look at Simon.

''Yeah, you are. I'm sorry that I acted like an idiot, next time I'll talk to you. '' he offered him a small smile, to ease his worry. Simon wasn't sure he entirely trusted that he'd do that, but he'll stay alert for next time, as to not let it fester for a whole week.

''Good. ''

''Now... The coffee was good, but I know something else that would cheer me up...'' Johnny said, trailing his finger down Simon's chest. The bigger man only held him tighter in his arms.

''Not tonight. I told you to rest.''

''Aye...'' there was no disappointment in his voice as he got comfortable on his Lieutenant, ready for a good nap.

[toushindai]

Seeing your thoughts on Rauru, I am now curious: how do you approach Ganondorf as a character? How does that compare or contrast with how you think about Rauru?

Thank you for the ask and all your thoughtful comments!! I've really appreciated them.

Approaching Ganondorf has been a different, more conscious process from how I approached Rauru; when I sat down to start brainstorming "A Sense of Entitlement" there was very much a moment where I had to ask myself "well, what am I trying to communicate about Ganondorf here?" I felt like, because I was putting all this mental work into complicating Rauru, I owed it to Ganondorf to complicate him as well, but I don't think the game presents quite as many juicy contradictions in Ganondorf's character. The game doesn't really seem interested in a well-rounded Ganondorf, a Ganondorf who has a point in resisting Hyrule's formation. Which sucks! Thank god we've all invented fanfiction and can do whatever we want forever.

It took me a little while to pin down the exact shape of him, but what I did decide on very early was that he is just deeply unhappy, the way a bottomless pit is unhappy. Nothing can fill him up besides being in control and exerting that control cruelly. Trace that backwards a bit--back further than he is willing to trace it, because there could be weakness at its source--and there is a paranoia, an inability to trust: only force and domination can be trusted to be real, anything else will be toppled when a strong enough force comes along. Any ally who does not fall 100% in line must be brought into line or self-evidently cannot be trusted. And then peel that feeling back a little more and I see alienation and a hideous, howling loneliness. A how-do-you-survive-this loneliness. And that's the feeling I place at his core--though it's well and truly obliterated from his conscious awareness.

I like writing about alienation? Not realizing that you're queer and autistic until you're in your twenties will do that to you, eh. The alienation from his people that I see in Ganondorf I do honestly read as a bit of a queer one, specifically, given that he is the only person in his culture who is going to exist in his gender category for the entire length of his lifespan. I think that has to feel pretty weird! I think it has to feel alienating, even if the form the alienation takes is that of putting him on a pedestal as king (but also, I have to assume--I will take the liberty of assuming--still being suspicious of other voe in a way that would be obviously visible to Ganondorf). In the fic I have him speaking of the Eighth Heroine, and while when I originally wanted that to be something he learned from Twinrova to inspire him to take pride in himself and the people he would one day lead, I uh. I had to nix that idea because the story of the Eighth Heroine doesn't accomplish that. It is not a story that would make a male Gerudo feel welcome among his people OR reassure him of his people's power! (It is frankly a bad story.) So instead it's something he found when he was--as a much younger man--searching for any evidence that a voe might have a place integrated into Gerudo society. The answer he found was "lmao not even if you save our entire ass 😌." He does not like this story. But to acknowledge how rejected it made him feel would be to look at something he believes is weakness, so instead he focuses on his disgust that even the Seven Heroines needed the strength of an outsider to conquer their enemy.

He has no place in his culture but he has an inescapably prescriptive place in his culture. He was raised knowing that he would be king, that everything he desired would be given to him because he is male. It is impossible to say textually what Twinrova wanted for him because they are. easter eggs. and so I just had to make it up: and what I decided was that they wanted him to be a conqueror, to lead the Gerudo and take over the rest of the land (solidified at some point during his lifespan into the kingdom of Hyrule). They wanted him to rule the Gerudo and the Gerudo to rule the world; but when Ganondorf lost his faith in his kinswomen he also lost interest in being an arm of the Gerudo and instead just wanted power for power's sake. I said this in a comment response but if the game is not going to give me a Ganondorf who is resisting Hyrule for the sake of his people--if it is going to give me a Ganondorf who, upon ascension to the form of the Demon King, seemingly abandons his Gerudo soldiers (Gerudo soldiers who were on board with his attacks on Hyrule! COME BACK THAT WAS INTERESTING) to go joyriding with a bunch of monsters and a rather cool horse instead--then I am going to make that a part of the tragedy of his character. It is a tragedy that he is so disconnected from his people. It is an enormous gaping hole inside him, this lack of connection with anyone.

But to acknowledge that, to feel it, would be to feel weak, and he cannot ever allow that. So he converts it all into cruelty and hatred and misery. He looks at people who have allied with each other and judges them weak for loving peace, for joining together instead of tearing each other apart. (In the Japanese, I am told, he explicitly hates the Zonai for accelerating this process.) He looks at any subordinate--or frankly at any other Gerudo--who does not fall in line with his agenda of unflinching conquest and scorns them for disloyalty and softheartedness. He hates whatever he sees and that hatred would be all-consuming if he were not so strong, so deliberately in control of himself. NOT to toot my own horn but I'm damn proud of this sentence:

Each movement is almost a meditation on his rage, fostering a measured alliance with the disgust and hatred he feels.

I think that is how he experiences just about every waking second. He has cut off all his access to happiness that does not come from dominating and taking away the power and happiness of others, and he has walked so far down this path--each step taking him further away from holistic contentment, each step taking him closer to the ability to dominate all he sees--that he could never turn back now.

Urbosa could've fixed him. imo. when he was much younger. (I'm saying this like a joke but I mean it.)

WAit I forgot to get into how he contrasts with Rauru. The thing between them is that both of them want power, want to have power over others; but Rauru hides this from himself because he thinks the desire for power is evil and he wants to think himself good, whereas Ganondorf... I think is probably comfortable thinking of himself as evil, or at least as what others term evil. And his comfort with his desire for power allows him to wield it much more effectively than Rauru does. We've got a bit of a hard power/soft power contrast going on. Ganondorf believes in power and physical force but Rauru's power lies in diplomacy and civility. In the trappings of social niceties. Ganondorf subjects himself to this framework by swearing his false fealty to Hyrule and finds it more ensnaring than he enjoys (he enjoys it zero), but once he has the opportunity to actually act in his own element by seizing Sonia's secret stone, the social niceties are powerless against his brute force.

[tsunami-of-tears]

A Court of Shadows and Sunshine — Part Four

Azriel x OC

Summary: Further training at the House of Wind, Aurora is a badass. She also attends dinner with the inner circle.  

A/N: Sorry that this one took me a bit longer, I've had a busy/stressful week. Yoga is one of my special interests, I could talk about it all day long so I hope the class bits aren’t too long/detailed. I accidentally made Aurora autistic (we write what we know) oops.

Word Count: 2.9K

Warnings: Swearing, alcohol consumption, mentions of anxiety, autistic meltdown (similar to a panic attack)

Part Three

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧

Azriel

Shaking her head at Cassian’s choice of attire, Aurora walks to her spot at the front of the class. 

Feeling guilty about bringing up her mother, Azriel keeps his distance and selects a mat in the back row of the class, directly behind Cassian and Nesta. The mates always bicker and try to outdo each other during training - Azriel hoped they would provide some distraction. 

After warming up and working through the preparatory exercises, Aurora demonstrates the next position - the mermaid pose.

“This pose is quite advanced, so I’ll come around and help where needed,” Aurora says as she walks through the rows of mats. 

“Perfect Nesta, look at how much progress you’ve made,” Aurora beams, causing Cassian to pout. 

“Why don’t you compliment me?” Cassian asks. 

“Because, Cassian, your form is off.” Azriel has to hold back his smile while Nesta bursts out laughing. “Here, let me help you. This is pretty tricky.” Aurora gently adjusts Cassian’s form, explaining how to angle his hips until he is in the correct pose. 

Cassian yells triumphantly. “Look at me! I’m a mermaid!” 

“You are a beautiful mermaid Cassian, good job,” says Aurora, smiling wide. She continues walking, until she stops in front of Azriel’s mat. 

“Can I help you a little bit?” Aurora asks, still smiling. “If we adjust your front leg, it’ll be more comfortable.” 

Azriel nods in response. 

His heart hammers as Aurora’s scent floods his nose and her warm hands touch his knee, moving it slightly to the right.

“Good, can you feel that now?” 

The feeling of Aurora’s hand on his leg lingers, Azriel wants nothing more than to reach out to her. He can feel something pulling him towards her and he can't stop his shadows from sweeping their smokelike tendrils around her ankles. Azriel swallows, nodding, he doesn’t trust himself to use his voice. 

“Good,” Aurora nods and heads back to her spot at the front, ready to continue the lesson.

Cassian and Nesta watch the interaction quietly. Azriel avoids their gaze and doesn’t notice the raised brows and smiles exchanged by the couple.

————

Cassian insisted on another planking challenge with Aurora, she rolled her eyes playfully and agreed to it. There were no time limits today, instead they were both to hold the position for as long as they could. 

Everyone stood around the pair, wanting to watch how this played out. Nesta, playing the role of referee, calls out “Begin.” 

This was more of a battle of minds than bodies. Both Cassian and Aurora are physically capable, but who could keep their mind focused the longest? 

Minutes passed, the training ring was silent aside from the occasional gust of wind and grunt from Cassian. Azriel watched Aurora, her technique seemed similar to the mind stilling utilised by the Valkyries. Her face remained blank and unwavering throughout the challenge. No taunting from Cassian could penetrate her shield. 

Nesta watches on hopefully, Azriel meets her gaze with a subtle nod, they were both rooting for Aurora.

Finally, after what felt like an age to the onlookers, Cassian falls with a groan. Aurora follows shortly after, remaining on her hands and knees as she pants to regain her breath. 

Despite his jeering, Cassian was not a bad sport. He studied Aurora in awe for a few moments before standing up and extending his hand to her. She smiles as she takes it and gets to her feet. 

She tries to take her hand back but Cassian’s grip holds firm. “You’re incredible,” he says with complete sincerity. 

Aurora’s eyes fall to her feet as she mumbles a soft thank you, confidence disappearing completely at the compliment. Azriel’s chest tightens as he watches on. He can’t tell if it’s jealousy over the interaction with his brother.

His thoughts are disrupted by the group of females rushing to Aurora. Gwyn and Emerie pull Aurora in for a hug as Nesta jumps up and down in celebration. 

Cassian breaks away from the females and heads towards Azriel. “I’m a little bit terrified of her,” he admits. 

“Yeah she’s…” Azriel falters and looks back at Aurora, still feeling the tug in his chest. There is no single word to describe her. “She’s special.” Cassian nods in agreement. 

The brothers stand together in silence, watching the females excitedly discuss their morning. Nesta and Aurora part from the group and walk towards where the two males are standing.

“Aurora, what are you doing tonight?” Cassian asks. 

“Um, I’ll probably work on my lesson plans,” she admits. 

“Change of plans, sweetheart. Rhys would like to meet you and discuss our training. He asked us to extend an invitation to dinner tonight.”

Aurora balks, her eyes widen. “Me? With the High Lord?” 

Nesta puts a hand on her shoulder in comfort. “It’s just Rhys,” she laughs, “Don’t worry, we’ll all be there too.” 

That seems to ease Aurora slightly, she nods her head in agreement.

“Wonderful, I’ll let him know. I’m afraid I have somewhere I need to be, Azriel will take you home.” Cassian smirks at Azriel as his breath catches.

Trying to cover up his shock, Azriel extends an arm to Aurora and asks, “Are you ready to go?” 

She takes a deep breath and says, “As I’ll ever be.” 

Azriel pulls her into his arms and launches into the sky. Aurora squeezes her eyes closed until they stop ascending. Although there’s a part of Azriel that sings in happiness with Aurora in his arms, the fear on her face makes him concerned. 

“Are you okay?”

Aurora closes her eyes again, “I don’t like flying,” she admits. “It turns my stomach.”

Azriel pauses as he contemplates his response, wondering how much of his soul he should bare. 

“I used to feel that way,” he confesses. Aurora looks at him and raises her brows in question. “I learnt to fly later in life,” Azriel continues. “Despite the deep instinct, it was hard to make that initial jump.” 

Before Aurora can respond they start to descend towards her apartment, making her tighten the grip around Azriel’s neck. She stays firmly wrapped around him until they land on the ground. 

Azriel places Aurora on her feet and she promptly removes her arms from his neck, straightening up. Azriel clears his throat, his arms feeling empty without Aurora in them. Running his hand through his hair, he says, “So dinner tonight, I’ll pick you up. It’s at the River House so we don't have to fly.” 

“Thank you, but that’s not necessary. I’ll, um, see you there.” 

“Oh okay, I guess I’ll see you later then.” He takes a breath before admitting, “You killed it earlier.” 

“Thank you,” Aurora says, her eyes never leave Azriel’s. “I should, uh, getting going.” She gestures behind her back with her thumb. 

“Me too.” Azriel watches as Aurora walks into her apartment building, fighting the urge to pull her close again. He lets out a deep sigh once she’s out of his sight, before launching into the sky.

————

Aurora

You had been ruminating over the High Lord’s invitation all afternoon. You tried to meditate and calm your mind but it did nothing to still your thoughts. You were so worried about what he might think of you. Even though Rhysand helped you get to safety in Velaris, you had never actually met the male. What if he thought the effort was wasted on you?  

And then there was Azriel. 

After your interactions today, you knew you couldn’t deny how you felt. Every time you touched you felt a fire burning under your skin, not unlike the warm glow of your power. 

You were relieved that Nesta would be there tonight. Though you haven’t known her long, she was the closest friend you had.

Cassian had neglected to mention the dress code for the evening, so you were also stressing over that. Half of your closet was in piles on the floor and your bed. You’d tried on numerous outfit combinations and nothing felt right. Everything was too itchy or too restrictive or too casual. At this rate you’d be going in your under garments. 

Finally, you settle on a light grey sweater dress with sheer tights and knee high black boots. You felt comfortable and hoped you wouldn’t be underdressed. As it’s nearing the end of Autumn, you had a very cold walk to the River House, so you also put on your coat and scarf. 

On the way out of your apartment, you take a final look in the mirror and repeat one of your affirmations.

“I am strong. I am resilient. I am enough.”

————

You find yourself standing outside the large manor that is humbly named the River House. The walk had helped to clear your head before dinner, but you can feel the anxiety creeping back as you stand on the front step.

You repeat your affirmation again in your mind before raising your hand to knock on the door. 

Before you make contact with the wood, the door is opened by Feyre who’s mouth widens in a huge smile when she sees you. You are relieved to see her black dress is quite understated, putting one worry at ease. 

“Hello again, Aurora. Please come in.” You bow your head at her and step inside. 

You step into the grand entrance and follow Feyre down the hallway. “Thank you for having me, you have such a beautiful home,” you say to Feyre. She smiles warmly at you, “Thank you Aurora, you’re always welcome.” 

You take another deep breath before entering the main living room. You’re barely over the threshold before you’re being pulled into a bone crushing hug by Nesta. It takes you a moment to realise what’s happening before you return her embrace. She whispers to you, “I’m so glad you came, it’s nice to have another friend around here.” 

Nesta lets you go and Cassian steps forward with a broad smile on his face. He also pulls you into a hug in greeting. Not quite as tightly as Nesta, but still firm. “How’s my favourite yoga teacher?” He beams. 

“Cassian, I’m your only yoga teacher.” You retort. 

“You’re still my favourite.” Cassian says with a wink. You respond with an eye roll. 

He takes a step back to move out of the way of Rhysand, who has stood to greet you. 

Your eyes flicker as they take in the High Lord. Living in Velaris for so many years, you had heard rumours of Rhysand’s beauty. None of that prepared you for the real thing. The male that stood before you was cauldron-blessed. 

Your breath hitches as his violet, star-flecked eyes meet yours. “Hello Aurora, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you,” the High Lord purrs. 

You feel your cheeks redden so you quickly avert your gaze and bow deeply to Rhysand. “Thank you for the hospitality, my Lord.” You hear a chuckle coming from Cassian’s direction, quickly shut off by the sound of smacking skin - you assume that was Nesta. 

You straighten your back and meet the High Lord’s gaze again, he’s watching you with curiosity. “You are most welcome, Aurora. But please, there’s no need for such formality in my home. You can call me Rhys.”

“That would be improper, my L-” Rhys cuts you off.

“Are you questioning your High Lord?” He asks with his brow raised and a smirk. 

Your cheeks burn even redder, “My apologies, uh, Rhys.” 

“I’m just teasing you Aurora, I couldn’t resist,” Rhys says with a wink. “Please sit,” he gestures to the lounge where Azriel is already sitting and looking rather uncomfortable. You hadn’t noticed him, hidden behind his flurry of shadows. “I’m dying to hear how training is going so far. First, would you like a drink?” 

“Thank you, that would be lovely.” Rhys exits with Feyre to get the drinks. You take a seat on the other side of the couch to Azriel, leaving an empty cushion in between the two of you. 

“Hello shadowsinger.”

Azriel watches you for a moment with a soft expression, “I think we need to start calling you that.” Azriel nods his head towards your feet, where you notice one of his shadows slinking by. You reach your hand out and it glides up and around your arm like a snake, slightly tickling you. You let out a soft laugh as it brushed over a particularly sensitive spot. 

At that moment, Rhys and Feyre return, carrying wine and glasses. They set everything down on the coffee table and look over at your arm, and the shadow making itself at home there. 

“Az, are you doing that?” Feyre asks. 

Azriel shakes his head, “No, it’s not me, I’m not controlling them. They like her.” 

“Interesting.” Rhys drawls. 

“What’s interesting, cousin?” Everyone turns to face Mor, who has just entered the room. She flips her hair over her shoulder and takes a seat in the chair across from you. “Rory. Fifty years and you still haven’t taken up an offer to hang out with me. This buffoon here,” she gestures at Cassian, “asks you once and you accept.” Mor flashes you a devilish smile. 

Cassian starts to object to being called a buffoon but he side tracks, “Rory?” He questions and turns back to you. “How have we not heard this nickname before?”

“It’s what my family called me. I don’t introduce myself as Rory, but Mor knew them.” 

Azriel winced at the mention of your family in past tense. Luckily, Mor quips back at Cassian. “Once she puts up with fifty years of your crap, you can ask to call her that.” 

“Cauldron boil me, fifty years? I’m not sure I have the strength.” You say, winking at Cassian. 

Rhys and Nesta roar with laughter as Cassian crosses his arms and pouts at you. 

You pick up one of the glasses on the table, swirling the wine around before bringing it to your lips. Not usually one to drink much, you were feeling quite relaxed so you didn’t see any harm in having a few tonight.

————

The rest of the evening was fairly enjoyable. It was easy for you to slip into the familiar banter of the group. Cassian continued to pester you all throughout dinner about your nickname, until you finally caved - he could call you Rory so long as he stopped calling you Sweetheart. 

After dinner, Feyre retired for the night to relieve her other sister, Elain, from babysitting duties - while Rhys, Cassian and Azriel went to the High Lord’s study to discuss some urgent business. That left you alone in the lounge with Mor and Nesta. 

You ended up drinking more than intended, with the excitement of the night gone and the wine-buzz wearing off, you feel very drained. 

In between fits of giggles, Nesta raves about your ‘annihilation’ of Cassian earlier - a severe exaggeration in your opinion.

“I would give anything to see that!” exclaims Mor. You wave your hands, trying to object to all the praise, but Nesta cuts you off. 

“Nonsense. I will not hear it, Aurora.” She grabs your hands, forcing you to look at her. “Listen to me, you’re incredible.” You squeeze her hands in response, and attempt to blink back the tears that have pooled in your eyes. 

You’re unsure if it’s the wine making you more emotional, but you choke back your sob as the wave of overwhelming feelings slams into you - acceptance and loneliness, insecurity and gratitude. The good and bad swirls together until the tears are streaming down your face. 

“Oh, Rory.” Nesta pulls you into a hug and holds you tight. The pressure helps to calm you and slow your breathing. Your shoulders slump in her embrace and you let out a soft whimper. 

You feel a warm hand on your back, and turn your head to see Mor beside you, rubbing small circles. “Come on, Rory, let’s get you to bed.” 

The exhaustion hits you so hard that you don’t question her. Nesta and Mor help you to your feet, and walk with you to one of the spare bedrooms. The females help you change into comfortable clothes and they get you into bed. You don’t say a word to either of them as they leave, you couldn’t if you tried. Once you reach this point, your mind and body refuse to cooperate. 

Once you’re alone, you use your powers to extinguish all light in the room. Relishing in the calmness of the dark and silence, you allow yourself to fall into a deep sleep.

————

Azriel

Rhys had asked Azriel and Cassian to step into his office, claiming there was something urgent they had to discuss. 

Azriel had been on edge all night. He had an inkling about the pull he felt towards Aurora, but he wasn’t completely sure. Mother knows he doesn’t deserve it.

The three males were silent until they entered the High Lord’s study. Rhys leans against his desk with his arms crossed, Cassian and Azriel remain standing. 

“Okay, what’s going on?” Azriel asks. 

Rhys and Cassian exchange a look before flashing devilish smiles at Azriel. 

“Brother, when were you planning on telling us about your lovely mate?” 

Part Five

[mitamicah]

Now I finally seem to be able to do things let me present to you the results of the 'vibe' polls :3

Earlier this week I jumped on the hype train for polls about which bandmember of JO + what character in the käärijä universe you felt I shared a vibe with.

Now I could have shared the results earlier but one thing to know about me is that I often get stupid ideas so I decided that whoever you chose that I shared a vibe with I'd cosplay

So after having searched my closet for things that somehow worked without further ado here's the Joker Out member you guys voted I shared vibe with:

I got

Jure aka the cat 😸

I mean it was not even close x'D

This surprised me since I hadn't expected to be paired with the cat boy xD But thinking about it I can see why you guys would chose him - we share a sort of bubbly excitment for things and - at least online - I can come off as very energetic and silly x'D Also I am known to randomly meow at people x'D

However, personally I feel like Jure is way more extroverted than I am and so I am glad to see Nace being the second highest :'D I feel like we do indeed share a sense of calm/silent presence while still being able to join in on the fun - I think where I might divert from Nace is that I am definitely not good at being the mom friend :'D x'D

For Bojan in third I think we're back to the 'I see why you'd say that because I am quite energetic and excited online but also he is way more extroverted than I believe I am' argument :'D yet like I'll elaborate on below with the comments for the tags I can definitely see the points for why Bojan could fit :3

Jan and Kris being so far behind is ooooph x'D Well, I can kind of understand tho especially Kris :'D I am not sure I'd call myself a Kris either - he is way too cool and sassy compared to me x'D Jan might be too laid back idk?

Now, tag time :3

@sve-sto-znam Micek - I love it x'D (First nickname unlocked x'D hahahah)

@c28hunter + @anxious-witch awwwn you are both too nice :'3 Especially you, Eryka calling me a comfort blog 😭

@merlilica whelp x'D I see you definitely picked up on my excited puppy and/or orange cat vibes x'D I don't blame you :'D

@j-restlessgeek this one hits close to home :'3 because yes I am quite hard on myself and have always been :'D Also I can be a bit of a jack of all trades (master of none) sometimes x'D the last point is honestly very true - I am way too much of a rulefollower to cheat x'D

Now onto the Käärijä universe results

You guys chose ...

Häärijä

Actually, that didn't surprise me much x'D I would probably too have chosen the little yellow man given that all his little quirks reads as very autistic to me which to a dorky autistic person like me is very fitting x'D He seems a bit confused but a good guy and sport and I would like to think myself the same :'D Also we both have a dumptruck of an ass x'D

Käärijä and Jaakko sharing second surprised me tho - especially Jaakko but that might be because I am not sure what his personality is tbh x'D so I am curious to hear if either of you voting Jaakko could tell me what makes me a Jaakko :'D? Käärijä I can sort of understand since I have probably stolen way too much/let me inspire of his aesthetic recently x'D yet I also see it as a sort of compliment because I have indeed felt more confident (both in my body and in my weirdness) lately :'D <3

Third is a big tie but that is to be expected I guess when there's not many votes (which is fair it is a harder poll to answer :'D) so Jesse, Bojan and Tommy takes that spot :3

Time for comments on tags :D

@bisonaari see now it is here I'd love to hear from you (if you want to and/or have time mind you) Bison what exactly it means to be Jaakko coded since I am not sure myself :'D

@j-restlessgeek fair x'D

@anxious-witch This is so interesting since you pretty much just guessed my major x'D Sociology was my favourite topic the year I studied Journalism and after that I moved to study Psychology which is sort of the same thing so kudos to you to read me this well x'D I find it intersting as well that you mentioned me being right in other polls because personally I felt so lost in many of the polls x'D For that reason I tried only tagging on polls I was a bit more sure about and even then it was a lot of following the gut feeling x'D but really I don't mind I see it as a compliment being compared to Bojan :3 xD

And that was this - that was this very long and probably overly detailed rundown of the results x'D Thank you for everybody participating :3

[shirefantasies]

Hello! I’m new to Tumblr, your blog was one of the first I found and followed! I was wondering if you could match/ship/pair me with an LotR character! Specifically LotR if you end up getting around to me, please!

I’m 5’3” with dark hair, though I keep it shaven in a buzz cut style. I’m pansexual, so you can ship me with anyone. I’m also autistic and possibly ADHD and OCD. Still learning about myself and trying to get diagnoses and people that understand me.

Moving on! I’m rather goofy! I’ve got a silly, meme-like side to me that I have trouble restraining. I’ll constantly see references to memes/obscure things I like everywhere and always point them out. I also make random noises and jokes that only those close to me will understand or be able to interpret the meaning of. I’m a good listener, and always try to help solve problems, though I may not be too good at getting the end result where it needs to be. Hahaha! I like to cuddle people, though I’m a little picky with touch because of sensory issues.

As for the other side of me, I am very paranoid, and have anxiety, severe depression, and PTSD, so it’s hard for me to trust people. I’m introverted, too. I always have been but ever since the trauma that caused my mental health issues I’ve become extremely introverted, almost in a comical way. I have some self-hate based behaviors towards myself that I’m working on unlearning. I constantly need reminded to take care of myself, and will have unexpected breakdowns, depression lows, or flashbacks. There are things or actions that will upset/trigger me that may need to be avoided. It’s rough but I still try my best to please everyone.

I hope that’s enough, if it’s not you can always contact me directly for more info or with questions! Thanks for considering!

Well that’s such an honor! Glad to be an early addition to your tumblr family 🥰 heck yeah you can have a lord of the rings character, and I hope you like being a hobbit because because I ship you with…

Pippin!

Sometimes it feels like no one understands him. So when Pippin hears tales of some far-off hermit, he feels a strange kinship with them immediately knowing only that they are the subject of talk, too. Maybe they’ve disappointed people with ways they cannot help, too. Pippin, though, could never run away from people- he loves them too much, enough to try again and again until he gets it right. He doesn’t know why he is the way he is, after all. He just is. Isn't everybody?

He gets lost one day, lost further out in the edges of the hills then he's been yet. Not quite far enough to be frightened, but just enough to see the waning of the hobbit-holes and the thinning of the Shire's green hills. It isn't until the sun descends that he truly gets concerned, rushing to the nearest hole he finds and ringing the bell dangling by its big round door. You answer, looking quite puzzled and not entirely unafraid of the stranger before you. What do you say? "Er, can I help you?" "Well," he begins, "I'm lost, you see. Can I trouble you to stay the night before I return to the road?" Silence overtakes you, ponderance, glances this way and that, before you finally nod and bid him entry. "You've not come to report to the others, have you now?" "I beg your pardon?" "Back in town. All the rumors. Part of why I avoid it, not that it helps them," you shake your head. That is when Pippin realizes he's found his kindred hermit, and you are nothing like he imagined. Contrary to the stories, he thinks there's something about you that looks...friendly.

"You're the-!" Barely resisting the urge to exclaim 'hermit', Pippin glances around your mostly quite normal hobbit hole. "Erm, I always wondered why they told all those stories." "Because they're a fat lot of gossips, that's why," you shoot back, shuffling through your kitchen, "they aren't exactly the champions of anyone who's...different." "That I know," Pippin responds with a nod, voice going a bit quiet. His words have you turning around, peering at him like you've only just seen him. "I see. Well, want anything?" In the end, you share some of your dinner with this stranger, who tells you his name is Peregrin Took, more frequently called Pippin. Pippin doesn't mock the sounds you make, in fact you notice that he seems to find himself mimicking them. As you go through the evening's motions, he doesn't seem to mind that you have your way of doing things. When something you see reminds you of a song you made up, you can't help but sing it, and soon Pippin is joining along. You even make up a song together. When he leaves, you find yourself saying something very uncharacteristic: "If you ever want to come back, well, I'll be here." Something in his smile, the way he nods, has you feeling strangely hopeful.

Come back he does, and sing more songs to and with you in that beautiful voice he does. You're ready for him to recoil, to pack up and leave you behind like everyone else does when he catches a nightmare turning to a breakdown, but as he peers in the doorway he simply asks if he can touch you, hold your hand or even you. When he stays, helps you with breakfast and cheers at your smile, twirling you across the kitchen, well, you can't help feeling a rare peace at your little paradise getting a bit bigger.

Taglist: @lokilover476 @fuckyoumakeart @mossthebogwitch @ibabblealot @kilibaggins @joonies-word @stormchaser819 @pirate-lord-of-narnia @datglutengoblin | Reply/Ask/Message to join 🥰

[alexiela73]

Hi I'm sorry for asking for another request- please feel free to ignore me if it's a bit too much >_< Especially because I also vent a little in this ask. I will not take it personally if you decide not to do this ask, especially since you've already taken a request from me! So please do feel free to ignore, especially if it's better for your mental. The last thing I want to do is to cause more harm.

Anyway, I just find a lot of comfort in Hanzo q_q this is the same anon who asked for the autistic/mentally ill s/o qwq

2023 hasn't really been all too good for me so far even though it's just been 3 days, and 2022 ended on a really, really bad note

// TW for slight venting, because I'm going to share a little bit about what I'd need comfort for I guess >_<

I have abusive parents, they no longer physically abuse me (although I still have some scars), and I am constantly verbally abused everyday. It has really impacted my mental and emotional state

Recently I was told that I would be the cause of my mother's death, and all I do is cause everyone's suffering.

I also um... have a lot of trauma regarding touch, but I think I'd be okay with it if Hanzo held me close because I could focus on him and my anxiety/schizophrenia wouldn't hurt me... too much.

I just want to ask- how do you think Hanzo would comfort me especially after hearing all about this...? I don't know, I'm just kinda desperate at this point q_q

Thank you for your time and please have a good day qwq

I'm so sorry you are having a rough time. If you ever need to rant, just get it out to a stranger, just feel free to message me. If nothing else, sometimes its nice to feel heard. And don't worry about sending more requests, send as many as you'd like.

Hanzo Comfort Headcanon

After the way his life had started and the mistakes he had made, it had taken a long time for Hanzo to finally come to one conclusion: he would never hurt anyone he loved again

This one thought has become ingrained into him

Falling in love with you to him is one of the greatest gifts life could have bestowed upon him

After his clan and everything that happened with Genji, he didn't think he'd ever feel this kind of peace or happiness

To know that in a way, like him, you are enduring the burden of a family who causes you nothing but pain wounds him

He has seen first hand the kind of damage its done to you

The first time he met your family, Hanzo had held back out of respect to you- this was your family, and at first he felt it wasn't his place to speak up. After all, perhaps he misunderstood

Now Hanzo goes with you whenever you have to see your family- if you truly insist on seeing them, that is. While Hanzo's goal is not to upset you further, he has no problem getting curt with them or telling them to back off.

Hanzo would see the messages between you and your family though- not due to snooping, but when you were upset you'd often drop your phone and go seclude yourself

During moments like these, when you would cry in the tub or try to hide in another part of the house, Hanzo would seek you out

Comforting someone is not something that comes easily to him. but Hanzo decides to go with his instinct with you

Usually he will sit next to you, not quite touching and ask if he can hold your hand. If not, Hanzo will respect that and sit beside you, usually humming a japansese lullaby

If he gets permission, he will cradle your hand between his, thumb gently circling your knuckles

If a hug is something that you will allow, then Hanzo will pull you into his arms and gently stroke your hair

Everything is at your pace

Hanzo has never been upset by this- he was blessed when you came into his lonely world, and he will forever be grateful for that

Though Hanzo himself said he'd never do it, he does gently inquire about counseling or seeking someone to speak to

Hanzo says he'll even go and talk about his...problems, if you will

With Genji's recommendation, you two do go spend weekends at the monastery in Nepal. Its actually quite peaceful, though it takes awhile for Hanzo to stop scoffing at it

Other little things he does for you is make sure you always have cupboards of comfort food- if baking is it, then he takes it upon himself to bake for you every week

Hanzo also lets you use his dragons like emotional support animals, letting you maul, squish and hug them as much as you need. Luckily, they don't seem to mind

[radioactiveradley]

i had an x-ray today! three questions that you can answer any or none of:

why did they keep making me hold my sprained (and potentially broken) ankle in weird positions for long lengths of time without asking me if it was hurting? i get why it needed to be in those positions for the pictures, but why didn't they confirm that they weren't doing damage regardless (or did they, and I'm autistic and missed it)?

it was a student doing it (with a supervisor)! what determines why/if students have to work the A&E graveyard shifts? he clearly did NOT know what he was doing, and i have enough weird chronic pain stuff so as that i'm sure i'm either a really great or really terrible beginner excersise?

do radiography supervisors really just slurp up coffee like thirsty mosquitos or can they breathe air too?

First off, I'm sorry about your ankle! I hope it heals smoothly! Best of luck with all that recovery physio that will no doubt be coming your way...

Now, to your questions! Under a cut because this got loooong

So, a solid 50% of a regular plain film radiographer's job is taking chest x-rays. The rest is (mostly) making trauma patients hold extremely painful positions. A good radiographer will be able to get you into the Accurate Diagnostic Position, take the picture, and move onto the next picture in seconds, hitting the jackpot damn near every time. But this is a serious skill, and it takes years to develop - we're basically looking at the outside of your body and using our knowledge of How Bones Work to assess precisely how those bones line up on the inside. For an ankle injury, I presume you would have been asked to do an 'AP' (anterio-posterior)/mortice joint and 'Lateral' view, which will look kinda like this (if we're being pernickety, this radiographer is slightly off on their centring points and collimation, especially in the first pic - but I could waffle about that in depth for ages!)

[https://radiopaedia.org/articles/ankle-ap-view-1?lang=gb]

This gives us a clear view all the way around the joint to check for bony damage. It will also hurt like a motherfucker if you have even just mildly sprained your ankle. But if you qualified for an x-ray, it means you fit certain criteria that suggest it might not just be a sprain! We have to check to make sure you haven't broken anything.

Holding these positions for a long time shouldn't really happen unless radiographers are working with ghastly old school cassette equipment rather than digital - which will mean they need to go check the film and make sure it's diagnostic (aka: if it fits a faaaairly tight criteria of bone alignments, superimpositions, and area covered, unique to every part of the body). If it isn't diagnostic, we need to tweak the patient's position to make it diagnostic - and it's very hard to do that if the patient has moved!

However.

All radiographers that I have worked with have told the patient 'I know this position may be uncomfortable, but it will create an important diagnostic image for figuring out how we should treat you, so I need you to work with me, please' (or some variant thereof). And if they're working with old equipment, they let patients at least relax while checking the cassette, even if they have to stay in the approximate same position! I'm sorry you didn't get that!

We also work with severely injured patients to ensure that they're not injuring themselves more. If someone presented with, say, a dislocated ankle that was yanked all the way to the side, or a foot that was half hanging off... we would be adapting our technique a lot to accommodate that injury! But if the joint appears stable (i.e., your foot ain't gonna fall off) and we can't see any obvious fractures on the first image..... we're very unlikely to cause further damage beyond a little bit more stress on soft-tissue injuries & bruising. It's a matter of weighing up the pros (creating diagnostic images at multiple angles to ensure that you haven't got a fracture that will need further interventional care, as a single image isn't adequate for visualising the whole joint) and the cons (you might be sore for a while, but soft tissue injury heals relatively fast). The 'pros' take precedence!

....But seriously, I'm sorry you went through that. It's not a pleasant experience.

2. Where I'm studying, students start working graveyards in their second year and whole-nights in their third year - but this varies from course to course! Either way, the student should've been able to take.... a basic-ass ankle image.

With that being said... Unfortunately, if you go to the hospital in the middle of the night, you will encounter people - especially students - who are forced to be there because of their rotas but really struggle with night shift work, even if they're amazing at the rest of the job. It sucks and is only going to get worse with 24hr/7 day week rotaing, which completely removes any financial incentive to work undesirable shifts for people whose circadian rhythms can handle them. The NHS shift system is hot garbage and seems designed to run their workers into an early grave BUT ANYWAY - Students are encouraged to take on 'complex' patients as much as possible, once they have a little experience under their belt - so your personal situation probably wouldn't have put them off! But you should've been told that they were the student, and asked if you were okay with them performing the examination! That's the opportunity for people to say 'no' and ask that the supervisor step in! I'm sorry that didn't happen!

The supervisor should also have been ready to step in if the student was struggling. It sounds like that wasn't the case - which is a little negligent on the supervisor's part.

All in all: hoo boy, you had a rough time that wasn't up to the standard & quality of care that we try and deliver. I'm genuinely sorry about that. Hopefully this helps elucidate (a little) of what might have been going on behind the scenes!

3. yeah, we actually have IV stands set up in the control rooms so we can mainline coffee where you can't see us

[mickmundy]

This is a very special day… it’s Old Wounds day! And so I think now is the perfect time to post my next fic companion piece, a brief little commentary/analysis on part 6 of Thou Giveth Fever... Fever!! I know I say this about a lot of my series because, well, I do put a lot of “myself” (experiences, feelings, thoughts, commentary etc) into my fics, but this one was an extremely personal fic for me. My long-time followers might remember me posting about Sniper’s apricot dream over a year ago! Wow! Without further ado, let's tear into it! Happy #bushmedbday everymerc!

Sniper’s apricot dream is the culmination of his growing desire for Medic, romantically but also most importantly, sexually. His feelings for Medic pull him away from everything he’s ever held dear and pushes him into this unfamiliar new frontier that’s requiring him to be more emotionally in-touch with himself than he ever has been. I think at this point in my series they’ve both started falling hard, but spent a lot of the formative time hoping it was perhaps just physical desire or friendship. Sniper starts getting nervous when he realizes that oh shit, not only is this desire sexual, it’s also romantic. And that means commitment. Ahh! Run! 

And yet… he finds himself not wanting to flee from it. He’s constantly tortured by his desire and his resistance of it, unable to find an “in-between way” to feel these feelings (any other autistics know what I mean by this...?). Now they’re starting to consume him, starting to seep into other aspects of his life that he’d previously kept so far removed from any kind of outside force. And Medic, what an outside force indeed! Hoo!

When he dreams about his desire, we see that Medic isn’t present. That’s absolutely intentional! Something that’s important to me to communicate in my fics is that the concept of desire, especially when pining, begins with the self. While this is absolutely a metaphor/stand-in for him having wet dreams about Medic, it was more important to me to place emphasis on how it feels to feel desire in the first place. He’s in a place that’s something like a personal Eden, surrounded by things he holds dear and comforting (the grass from his childhood, the apricots that he quite enjoys the taste of, being nude, the weather and time of day, etc). 

It’s as if the concept of comfort to him was a physical place that he could take literal shelter in and feel things freely, be authentic to himself in a place where there would be no judgment, by himself or others. He of course has no actual physical place to do this (his van is definitely a safe place for him, but it’s not the same!), which is why the times that he’s the most honest with himself is here, asleep, in his subconscious. 

And, as I’m sure my readers have noticed, there has been a lot of use of sleep as a recurring motif for Sniper. Eternal sleep as in when he died before getting revived by Medic, and the sleep emphasized in this fic, the times in which he has a pretty intense revelation about desire and how it feels to feel it… almost completely untethered. 

Which of course brings us to the cover! Red poppies! Glorious poppies! We don’t see much of Medic in this fic, but his influence is definitely felt; he often likens red poppies to the way that blush blooms on Sniper’s face, citing the uneven flushes on his skin to look like the rounding bits of poppy petals. In art, poppies are also symbolic of… yes! Sleep! And death! And the connection between the two! Oh Medic, was that intentional? Hoo! Yes! And this won’t be the last time we hear of this connection either…! 

And the title… fever… This is signifying when the feelings are really taking hold in both of them, burrowing deep into them and stoking a fire that both of them might have been content to let fizzle out before, but it’s only growing, roaring to life for both of them and beginning to consume them. The fever that they’re inflicting upon each other by desiring each other, so much so that it really feels palpable to the reader, and to them, too, and yet… they refrain. Part of feeling feverish is the uncertainty, wondering when it’s going to break… is it going to break? The light-headedness of it and out-of-touch feeling… it’s intense!

Speaking of Medic, let’s talk about that hunger Sniper feels for him. We’ve spent enough time with Sniper at this point to see that he absolutely has issues with regulating, and feeling, his emotions, no matter what they may be. He lives in “fear” of this hypothetical concept of losing control and feeling too much, and swears he’s better off with sticking to what he knows (work), what makes him happy (work), and what he’s good at (work). Unfortunately for him, Medic isn’t just someone he met in a bar or a mercenary that he got to know from talking to in their off-time… he and Medic are tethered together. 

Intertwined in this messy mass of business and, now, pleasure, and the more Sniper tries to keep the two separate, the more they bleed into each other. Now he’s infected his hobbies (hanging out with his bird, billiards, etc), his routines and habits (sharing food with him before/during matches)... he’s everywhere! And so much! It should scare him, maybe even make him angry. But instead he feels himself leaning into it, wanting that affection and attention from Medic and wanting him to coax out that part of him that he wants so badly to hate… but lately… doesn’t.

Which, of course, this is all just one big sexual repression metaphor and the painful feeling of knowing who you are, truly, and looking that identity and those feelings in the eyes and acknowledging how lonely it can be, dealing with that weight for so long and now finding out how badly you want to be anything but alone. That you might now love who you are, but where does that leave you with all of that weight you’ve been carrying?

“I've mistreated you, hunger. I’ve hated you.”

He’s resented the part of himself that, really, there was never anything wrong with in the first place. That hunger is part of who he is, and as Medic already knows, it’s a beautiful thing! And it should be cherished! Not pushed down and hated! 

It became easier to feel nothing and savor even less.

This fic is absolutely rife with my own ruminations on being butch and how lonely it feels at times and how, when I was coming into myself, I tried to resist it. I swore that apathy and denial were not only the only ways that I thought I could live, but that it was what I deserved to feel. And Sniper’s feeling that too! It’s strange for him to be around someone like Medic, who so freely feels and does what he wants, and we’ve seen before that Sniper envies him for that. He can’t imagine what it’s like to feel something, immediately understand your own feelings, and seize your feelings and do something about them. Unheard of! But he’s trying now. And it’s hard, and it sucks. But he’s trying! 

Of course, the apricots are also just a great fruit that suits Sniper perfectly, given the cheeky little air freshener and “apricot spot” joke-reference Valve put in canonically… I think they’re very much like how Sniper sees himself, or maybe wants to see himself, or maybe- he’s not sure. Soft on the outside, but hard at the heart… I think that’s very Sniper, even though he probably wishes he had a bit more of an icy exterior (easier to encourage folks to keep their distances and whatnot), it’s not who he is. We can see in the comics, and game, and how he talks to his parents (and the fact that he cares so deeply for them) in his intro short, that he is in fact a very emotional person, someone with a great capacity for love!

Not any kind of prince charming, but I have… loving feelings… to give… doesn’t that count for something?

Being saddled with the burden of worthiness, if you really and truly deserve the good things in your life when they come to you, is another struggle of his (and mine!) that I wanted to highlight across the series. We see him going from “No way! I don’t have loving feelings! I’m a stone-cold operator!” to “Okay, maybe I have some… feelings…” to now, most recently, “I do have feelings. Loving ones. I want to love! And be loved!”... but do his feelings really matter, anyway? Yes! Of course! Would anyone want my love?

But with one step forward, sometimes we take two steps back. He confirms his own fear by getting absolutely lost in “pleasure” (the eating of the cake Medic baked him) and immediately feeling guilty for not only indulging, but overindulging! Michael, you beast! Don’t you have any self control?! Yes, this is another internalized homophobia moment about being “predatory”, or feeling like you’re doing something diabolical by pursuing pleasure for the sake of pleasure. Of course, we  know there’s nothing wrong with that, but feelings are feelings, and sometimes they’re unsavory and complicated, even though we have good intentions! Poor Sniper!

You’re gonna be a slob, you’re gonna be a mediocre tradie, you’re gonna be a soft-hearted pansy. Sniper scowled. He hadn’t wound up as a slob, or a mediocre tradie. Avoiding two out of three wasn’t bad. And he remembered there being a time in his life where he couldn’t imagine anything worse than being a soft-hearted pansy.  The way his old man had spit the phrase out made it sound like it was the worst thing anyone could be. Maybe up until a few months ago, Sniper would have sworn he’d agreed.

Again… Sniper wanting to emulate his father’s masculinity in his youth but ultimately failed to do so in a way that made his old man proud, but absolutely internalizing all of the things he’d heard growing up and now struggling to unpack them and unlearn them in his adult life. Sniper is soft hearted, and he’d spent so long trying to chase that feeling away, but now… he’s trying to hold it close to himself, trying to cherish it… he’s working on it!

I wanted to convey concepts of internalized homophobia in the way that I felt them, without going more “stereotypical” routes of just… making the character homophobic at the expense of another character, if that makes sense. This is an internal battle for Sniper and something he’s now reflecting on in a way that doesn’t manifest by taking it out on others. I think he’s more likely to withdraw into himself with things like this. He knows it’s wrong, wouldn’t dare judge or apply this logic to others, and he’s trying to unlearn it. But it’s hard to give himself the same kindness that he gives others when he feels like he doesn’t deserve kindness or forgiveness!

Medic, in his own zany way, turns Sniper’s entire perspective on its head. We all know Sniper’s professional creed, and we also know how Medic breaks just about every single one of those neat and tidy rules! Medic isn’t polite, he’s… only sometimes efficient (he’s quite scatterbrained!), and doesn’t often plan that far ahead! And yet, he’s one of the most talented mercenaries on the team, the absolute linchpin to their team’s success as a unit. Wow! Now that really makes him think. Well, if Medic can be the opposite of all of those things and still do a bang-up job and gets to feel what he wants, then… can’t I do the same, at least every now and then?

We see very little of Medic’s internal monologue throughout the series, and this too is intentional! Medic wouldn’t want others to know what he’s thinking, and so I think it makes sense to keep the readers “in the dark” about how he’s feeling at any given time; plus, what he wants to feel… he does! So he’s much more direct and seems perfectly fine with his feelings for Sniper; no internalized hatred! Good for him! We know that while he might not relate to Sniper’s feelings, he does sympathize with them, content to draw out their flirting and pining for the sake of making his crush comfortable. Sniper takes notice of this and appreciates it; that kind of unconditional care is something he’s always denied himself, and yet Medic gives it to him freely, from the very beginning!

And Medic isn’t without his own sexual desires for Sniper! He quite likes that pesky hunger that Sniper’s always smothering… and he wants more of it. This of course refers to the use of the word in a broader symbolic sense; he knows Sniper sexually desires him, romantically desires him, and he reciprocates, but knows Sniper isn’t ready to make a move yet (or to have one made upon him). That’s just fine with him, he’s content to daydream! Whatever he wants, in the pace and time he requires. 

The Devil’s Trill Sonata was a no-brainer choice for the backdrop of Medic’s steamy fantasies. It’s got everything that makes it so fundamentally Medic: whimsy, darkness, perhaps-somber undertones that flit away just as you’re getting to notice them… hoo! This won’t be the last time we see this symbolism either (if you’ve read this far you know how I love continuation of symbolism!), but if you don’t know the history behind the song, its creator heard it in a dream in a meeting with the devil, in which the devil offered to serve him. 

The work itself is an extremely difficult passage to play, and its own creator lamented about not being able to replicate the vision of it that he’d had in his dream. Something truly remarkable, that was achieved by pure ambition and vision… that felt dreamlike in its execution and would be impossible to replicate… hmm… perhaps Medic has had a similar relationship with a creation of his…? 

He’d see it flash through Sniper’s eyes when they’d touched on occasion, before the bushman would muzzle it and force it back into submission. Medic didn’t want Sniper to smother it. He wanted to coax it out, warm it up and let it bask in the heat before pulling it out with nothing more than gentle touch and passionate words. Wanted to show Sniper that there was nothing wrong with hunger, no sense in suffering for something that could be so wonderful if you only let it live and feast as its instinct required.  If Medic had it his way, there would be nothing Sniper could ever hope to hunger for. 

The lungs, and Sniper’s body… Medic, you have such a way with words! It makes perfect sense that the good doctor focuses on the internal aspects of Sniper… those are the parts of him he knows better than anything else! While they’ve become closer of course, Medic still primarily knows him as his doctor, so he has a special relationship with those vital organs of his… the mind, the lungs, the heart… he wants to hold, cherish and captivate it all!

And lastly, we have the closing scene of the fic. Ah, food sharing. A recurring theme in how I ship bushmedicine, but also a trope that is so dear to my heart because of my love for my girlfriend’s own generosity. I have so many fond memories of us sharing food together before we were a couple, the look in our eyes and the feeling of share this with me, because I care about you and want to share my meal, my sustenance, with you. I want to see your joy when you bite into this and enjoy it. So tender, such a place for romance to bloom and strengthen. Is there anything more intimate than indulging in one’s basic desires together? Feelings of desire, feelings of hunger, the objective need for sustenance and the sharing of it as one…

And they’re basking in that joy now, more than ever! I suppose we’ll have to see what happens next in Tachycardia! 

[dykeyote]

For the ask game, jedidiah!

>:) I WILL ALWAYS TAKE THE OPPORTUNITY TO FURTHER DISCUSS JEDIDIAH >:)

my thoughts on him: i love him. i hate him. hes my favorite character. he is the worst and i want to kick his shins. the fandom is too mean to him. the fandom is too nice to him. hes my babygirl. im obsessed with him. i hope he dies painfully. etc etc etc

all the people i ship him with romantically: pretty much just sydney (: idk i cant really see him with anyone else which is weird bc im a pretty big multishipper . maybe ill be enticed someday but for now just syd

favorite platonic dynamic: i am a jedidiah and juniper should grow and become friends believer until i DIE . i think they could help each other hold each other accountable and shit . queerplatonic perhaps? i do also like his dynamic with yvonne quite a bit and hope they expand on it

unpopular opinion: this is a pretty popular opinion in my little isolated ecosystem of tumblr chnt fans lol but its smt ive seen Contention on outside of that little bubble so it probably counts . headcanoning jedidiah as autistic or trans or anything in that realm is Fine as long as you think about the way youre going about it and keep his arc surrounding privilege intact. jedidiahs arc about ableism towards sydney Still Works if its lateral ableism because lateral ableism can be just as hurtful and needs to be improved just as much you just have to remember that his arc Does include those facets of privilege in some capacity and consider that in how you go about writing his character and headcanoning on him. like its not the same as a chara like idk . soren where headcanoning them as autistic or trans or what have you requires no real thought or examination its just what you think but as long as youre willing to put In that thought i honestly think theres nothing morally wrong with it and i think people who say "oh you shouldnt hc jedidiah as part of any minority group ever besides being unlabeled and having adhd" are missing some nuance

something i wish happened in canon: this is less Retroactive and more stuff i Hope happens in canon but i do hope we start to see him forge more friendships with other counselors (: i know why we didnt see that in the show so far obvi so its not something i wish Retroactively was there but i hope as his character progresses we start to see more friendships with other people form, id be interested to see who he bounces off of

[ivan-is-autistic]

12/25/23 - it wasn’t okay. content warning for shitty exes, a shitty roommate, and the trauma they caused me. i’m still processing the trauma from being a confused and mistreated autistic adult before i knew i was autistic, and the continuation of my mistreatment even when i knew and tried to advocate for myself.

it wasn’t okay for my ex “A” and his family to tell me i was ruining their fun on their trip because i got overstimulated from all the drinking and loud music and told him i needed to lie down for a bit. his entire family called me rude for stepping away and he told me to apologize to them over breakfast for what i had done. i felt guilty so i did . i now know that i was having an autistic meltdown and needed quiet time to retreat, they were all gaslighting me and convincing me that i was a horrible person for needing to lie down and that wasn’t okay.

it wasnt okay for my ex “R” to beg me to let him move in when we had just met, even if he was also a trans man who needed help and wanted to live away from his family. he was a stranger i had been seeing for like 2 weeks and i didnt have to say yes just because he was being pushy and i felt bad. it wasnt okay for him to spend all his money at the bar instead of helping with rent and it wasn’t okay for him to scream at me and be mean to me, even if he was self aware and getting therapy. im proud of myself for eventually standing up to him and kicking him out.

it wasn’t okay for my latest roommate to be dismissive of my needs that were very small/reasonable asks and continually not consider me in decisions that greatly affected me or my pets. it wasnt okay for her to make careless decisions that traumatized me and my cat and belittle my experience and make me feel small so that she could avoid taking accountability for her roles in the situations and avoid apologizing for literally anything at all. it wasn’t okay for her to continually flip the conversation back onto me and the little mistakes i made and make that the focus so she could avoid talking about her big ones that actually negatively affected people and animals. it wasnt okay for her to project her insecurities and flaws onto me so that i looked like an awful person in front of the other roommate. or to call me crazy and attempt to make me question my reality. it wasnt okay for her to lie and gossip about me, and it also wasn’t okay for the other roommate to enable her behavior and go along with her instead of taking a moment to hear my perspective. literally not a single thing she did to me was okay, not even the nice thing she did in the beginning because she later used it against me. whats even worse is i repeatedly told her im autistic and have trouble with communication (i told her im better over text and tend to be wordy and have situational mutism in person) and she was dismissive of that, said she wasnt gonna read my “essays” and suggested i get ABA and a “real diagnosis”, lol. obviously its already messed up to manipulate and bully someone, but i’m speechless at the fact she was told im autistic and have a history of being mistreated in part because of that, and she still chose to further traumatize an autistic person because she was allergic to the word sorry and didn’t want a “weird” (autistic) person around her friend circle. so she made up some BS to turn the other roommate against me and get me kicked out. it wasnt okay for her to do any of that and make me lose a job i liked and that paid well. i had to say goodbye to a nice safe place (well, physically safe) to live and a close job working with animals all because this person didn’t want to acknowledge her wrongdoings or work on her internalized ableism. living with me required minor accommodations (like reading a few extra sentences and only sticking to washing our own dishes) and self reflection. and that was just way too much for her. now i’ve had to uproot my entire life, move 2 hrs away and once again attempt to find employment that doesnt make me wanna Ya Know, and a new place to live that hopefully won’t be falling apart and unsafe to live in. and also find another roommate since i cant afford to live on my own. this is all extremely difficult to find being autistic, trans, without a car, and making 15/hr or less because no jobs close enough to get to will pay more. fuck you old roommates, i hope you have the day you deserve.

[cartoonemotion]

after a million years plus an addition million years post the show ending i am finally just now scribbling out my takes and stuff on fethry's immediate family a la how they would fit into dt17 canon

the breakdown in my mind is that all 3 of eider and lulubelle's children are Strange and Ambiguously Disordered (fethry taking the most after his mother) and also to some degree have inherited eider's legendary strength (abner being basically on par with his father and fethry as the baby and the runt of the three being much more close to just having normal person strength, though still a bit surprising for how noodly he is)

more specific points abt the family under the cut bc i dont want the post to be too long @_@

abner

definitely autistic (as 3 and also lulu are) but its like in that. i dont have healthy coping mechanisms to deal with how alienated from ppl i feel so im just gonna fish and carve wood and if anyone enters my space i will burn it down with both of us still inside it. way

that being said abner’s still plenty capable of being a compassionate guy deep down. he cares a lot about his family and takes whatever responsibility u entrust him with extremely seriously

comes off as emotionally stunted bc he doesnt really show affection in the “normal” way, including and especially physical affection and also. saying shit  out loud. he has his own love language its called * noncommittal groan of acceptance as you enter his house *

in my brain i know he should have a job but all i can think about is him fucking off in the woods so he doesnt have to talk with people. maybe one of those people who sit in towers all day to make sure forests dont burn down. i dunno

mary

loves acting and wants to be a professional stage/screen actor so bad but is unfortunately terrible at acting. probably been in like a few commercials or something

very very dramatic, im talking full comedy sketch of a julliard actor levels of melodrama and stage fainting, whether onstage or not. this makes it hard to tell if her reactions to things are genuine or not unless u are her brothers or parents who have been dealing with this forever

since the acting career is not really taking off Yet she has maybe ripped off 1 or 2 or 20 or so people maybe more just to keep the lights on. ironically when shes conning people she can actually act convincingly (my leverage fans out there. you know)

some of you will probably ask about dugan and while i do absolutely love dugan personally in my mind marys not ready nor interested in motherhood. so. maybe some day i will reveal my own dt17 dugan origin concept idk

eider

something of a local folk hero due to both his truly legendary strength and his equally strong inclination to lend his neighbors a hand, or really anyone else who may need a little help for that matter

as exceptionally goofy and loving as you could want any dad to be, though he can also be a bit stern when he needs to be, and a little prideful

in my mind i think it would be very cool if he had moved his family into granny elvira’s farm to give her a hand bc while shes a tough old woman everyone still needs a hand from time to time but i dont know if this contradicts any serious duck lore so forgive me

lulubelle

full loon baby ! none of this “looks like every other member of clan mcduck” shit !!! yes this includes the blood red eyes #epicloonwin

many make the mistake to count her as an absent minded spooky insane woman but this could not be further from the truth. she is very sharp-witted, observant, and is only spooky simply because its pretty near impossible to creep or gross her out, and even harder to full-on scare. and also because she makes long uninterrupted eye contact all the time

fethry definitely inherited a lot from her, but one of the main things they share is the tendency to cycle through all kinds of seemingly unrelated hobbies and interests; but much like fethry’s chief passion seems to be marine biology, lulu greatly enjoys botany and all it’s practical applications, as well as music