#I didn’t include a lot of characters cause I couldn’t really remember much about them

[whatshehassaid]

“I LOVED HER.” “BUT SHE DIDN’T LOVE YOU. Not like he did. Not like I have”

That isn’t Armand saying Claudia didn’t love Louis. She did. What he’s saying is that Louis was so fucking focused on PINING for Lestats love, superimposing Lestat on Claudia AND Armand that Louis refused to accept love from them. Because he didn’t want Claudia. He didn’t want Armand. He wanted Lestat and he couldn’t have him (whether it be because Louis convinced himself Lestat was bad, or dead, or because Louis is in denial). He tries to make villains out of Armand and Claudia.

“Speaking of mistakes…”

“Vintage Lioncourt.” “I’m not Lestat, Louis.” “Okay….”

“Picked ANOTHER ONE over ME”

“It was NEVER ABOUT ME. Another chapter in the FUCKED UP ROMANCE OF YOU TWO”

“If you want to escape this cage of empathy I’ve trapped you in all you had to do was ask, Louis.”

“Imagine me without the burden of her”

Louis can’t face the fact that he was IMPLICIT in what happened to Claudia in Paris. She wants a companion in Madeline cause she’s not getting in from Louis.

I feel like we may be going the route of Armand and Claudia (probably immediately after the trial and before her death) bonding over their experiences. Not just to do with Louis and Lestat… but their childhoods… being raped… being used… being turned so young…

I’m not 100% on this but if they do include the head swap thing (which is still fucked up, I’m still upset at Armand for that) I feel like Armand will frame it or believe that he can save her if he can just give her a woman’s body to match her mind. And I feel like Claudia will jump at the chance. Again, not 100% with that and it’s STILL super fucked up.. but I think if that happens Armand (AT THE TIME) would believe he was helping her. Like how he “helps” his victims. How he was never helped as a human child and as a vampire. They relate to each other because they’ve never been someone’s first choice… and I think the moment Armand hears her say those words (“it was never about me. Another chapter in the fucked up story/romance of you two”) he’s gonna realize how much they really have in common and feel empathy for her.

It makes a lot of sense with how Armand’s character (especially in the books) is. He has a thing about consent (it’s a bit twisted because you could argue he assumes he knows what’s best for people… and acts accordingly thinking that he’s helping them) But he needs people to consent at least somehow. Even if it’s coerced.

That’s also why I believe after Paris… Louis initially agreed to have the memories of his role in Claudia’s death suppressed. He couldn’t handle the guilt that he didn’t care enough to save her. Armand just took it to the point of constantly suppressing the triggering memories. Plus on TOP of that I’m 100% sure Louis is schizophrenic and it’s causing blackouts.

Armand wasn’t really lying when he said that “I protect Louis from himself.” He WAS being honest. It’s in a fucked up way, but I believe it’s true.

And then with Daniel, that’s a whole other can of worms because I don’t think Armand wiped his memories right after San Fran. I’m starting to believe it wasn’t just Louis telling him to keep Daniel alive. The minute Daniel admits he finds Armand fascinating… and tells him “you can read minds right?” Alluding to the fact that he ISN’T LYING. Daniel is intrigued by Armand… and that immediately catches Armand’s attention. We’ve only seen up to Louis attacking Daniel from an unbiased POV (the tape recording). The rest is MOSTLY FROM LOUIS. Who had had memories taken whether by Armand or by the blackouts… and remember he has a habit of trying to make himself look good in Daniel’s eyes. He tries to convince himself constantly that he’s not a bad guy - but in reality…. He’s done some shitty things too. So it wouldn’t surprise me if some of that was also lies to Daniel. “You’re a liar Louis. Whether you know it or not.”

Something happened in those 4 days with Armand and Daniel that I’m not sure Louis realizes. He may come in and out of actual remembrance where he KNOWS Armand and Daniel fell in love… and he uses it against them both… and then goes back into not knowing what’s happening.

I have a feeling we’re getting the trial/claudia’s death/a reveal about the blackouts etc/the fire from ARMAND. Hence the “imagine me without the burden of her” line that Louis says. He would NEVER in a million years admit to saying that. Definitely not to Daniel.

The Merrick storyline plays into this here. Finding Claudia’s diaries… realizing that Louis really treated her badly and that she hates him for it. And Louis not being able to take it.

I also feel like Lestat and Armand have teamed up in Dubai without Louis or Daniel realizing it. They may be trying to help cure him with the help of Dr. Bhansali.

(Also, devils minion definitely happened in the past… you can just see it in the way Armand sometimes looks at Daniel - and in the books even though he was a stickler for rules… his only exception has ALWAYS been Daniel. He loves Louis, he wouldn’t have put up with any of this if he didn’t… but Daniel? Daniel is really the love of Armand’s life. And Lestat is Louis’. I need them boys to figure this shit out - and with the fact that Daniel wasn’t listed in the Talamasca victims folder? Even though he was attacked, held hostage and tormented… means he is probably in ANOTHER folder - *cough* ARMANDSPARAMOURS *cough* I hope they have Daniel find his name in there cause THAT is gonna be J U I C Y.)

[twistedwonderlandimaginesblog]

yellow rose with idia? ^^

Idia Shroud:

Yellow Rose - a happy thought that causes a smile.

Today was a day to celebrate memories.

Idia awkwardly fumbled with his tie, feeling it was so tight it might strangle him. Ortho had checked at least three times and confirmed it was fine, but had since left the room to focus on other tasks that needed to be done. Idia had practically thrown him out as the constant reminder of his quickened pulse and high blood pressure only made his anxiety feel worse. He could only stare at himself in the mirror for so long, though he did admire his handiwork as his hair was neatly braided with his brushed aside to prevent his face from being covered. There weren’t many stylists gifted with the ability to style cursed hair and he’d really rather do it himself anyway.

Today was too important for anything to go wrong.

“It’s time!” Ortho floated into the room with an excited look on his face, gesturing to the hall where there would be many people awaiting his arrival. It made his knees knock together as he’s about to be thrown into an ultra-stressful situation, like he was desperately climbing ladders and avoiding barrels to reach a princess who didn’t even want him.

But you did want him, because how else would he have ended up here?

He has a lot to thank Ortho for, including the embarrassing situation that had got you here to begin with. They had been playing a silly little otome game together, meaning Idia was on a CG collecting journey and Ortho was helping him remember which path led where. There was a scene between two main characters where a note was exchanged, something very juvenile with a ‘do you like me, y/n?’ written on it.

“Have you ever tried that?” Idia was carefully reading the dialogue, making sure there were no flags being raised that he was on the wrong route and thus locked out of a precious CG that constantly eluded him due to the specific choices that had to be done in a very specific order and—

“Tried—Eh?” Idia hit his keyboard and accidentally began to skip already seen dialogue, panicking and back tracking to his previous save while Ortho patiently waited next to him. “Wh-what are you saying?”

“Writing a note!” Ortho pointed at the screen where a crudely drawn note was, suddenly looking around the room as he tried to find a physical example for Idia to use. It took some snooping but he found a few crumpled pieces of paper with madman scrawling on only half of it, tearing it apart and handing over the blank piece. “Ask them if they like you, and then I can deliver it! If they say no, you don’t even have to see them!”

It wasn’t like Ortho to indulge in his brother’s extreme introvert nature, and Idia was nearly swayed before remembering it could also implode the fragile balance of his online friend group. You, him, and Crimson Muscle made a formidable group, often being enough to on most raids together so he didn’t have to interact with other idiots online. It was much less painful to speak with you through a screen, knowing he could erase a message over and over until he got it just right. He couldn’t sacrifice that, could he?

He should’ve known Ortho’s mercy was only temporary.

Idia was forced out of the solitude of his room, a luncheon being held to celebrate the hard work of each dorm leader being held. He’d rather eat his own hands than celebrate but Crowley wouldn’t budge, persistent and irritating about the whole ordeal. The only good part was seeing your face in high-def rather than via a pixelated avatar online. He still didn’t sit directly across from you but diagonal was good enough for him; not the center of your attention but just within your peripheral where you could notice him.

“Psst, brother! I brought it!” Idia has a piece of paper hastily shoved into his hand, “I wrote it last night! Now you can give it to them in person for an even quicker response!”

He’s suddenly certain the entire world is conspiring against him, trying not to attract your attention as he frantically responded to Ortho.

“That won’t work!”

“Why not?” Ortho tilted his head in a clueless gesture, “In 4 out of the 6 good ends, the note is the pivotal moment in all of them! The Bad End only triggered if you didn’t build up your characters confidence enough to pass the note in class!”

Ortho is just quiet enough that you can’t make out exactly what he’s saying but you can hear him speaking, your eyebrows raised as you looked at the Shroud brothers. Idia saw the dialogue options appear before his very eyes as reality blended with video games for a moment: he could either pass the note to you now and accept the consequences or allow Ortho to reveal it was from the plot of some 3-star Otome game since he wasn’t creative enough to come up with his own way to confess.

He had tossed the paper at you, watching it land right in your half-open bag before he dashed, moving quicker than his physical body had ever moved before. He’d personally expel himself if Crowley tried to drag him back out of his room, he’d just take his parents business over and that’d be the end of that. He didn’t know how long he’d been curled up on his bed, face in his pillow as he considered just smothering himself rather than facing the light of day again. Life’s built-in autosave meant his fate was sealed and, somehow, he felt even more cursed than before.

Until a note slipped under his door, the side the writing was on turned upward so he could see it from his bed.

A little ‘y’ circled in red ink had led to this.

A grand hall decorated with flowers, STYX employees in their finest clothing filling most of the seats, the smell of expensive but most likely delicious foods just waiting to steal everyone’s attention away. When Idia entered the room he could see some of his and your family, along with a few friends dotted throughout but he can’t look for long as he felt like he might pass out.

He stood tall at the front of the room, glancing at the entry way anxiously, like he was truly afraid a too big primate would come through beating his fists on his chest and kidnapping his lover. He had been in a position like this before, albeit less willingly, and he began to understand now why it was so important to put his feelings out there even with the chance of rejection. A bell chimes and the music begins, and Idia can’t wipe the smile from his face.

The pointed grin remained even as you approached, your expression mirroring his as you smiled right back; he suspected by the end of the night his cheeks would ache with how happy he was, but he supposed he could put up with it for a day, for you.

[moonbiscuitsims]

TAG // WHAT’S IN MY BAG?

Olive Specter / Ophelia Nigmos (TS2 premade characters recreated in TS4)

Rules: Post a description and/or photo of what things your Sim/OC would take along with them in their bag. Tag other people you want to participate!

Thank you so much @hamsterbellbelle for tagging me and giving me an excuse to open Sims again!

My sims of choice aren’t OC’s because I suck at giving OC’s personality haha I love premades so I chose Ophelia Nigmos and Olive Specter (I couldn’t choose lol). Was gonna only choose Olive as a eerie/spooky theme for October but I love Ophelia too much. These are my Sims 4 recreations of them though (mainly cause I have more clutter, more detailed lot and the sims 2 one and I find it easier to bunch clutter together with the alt key and tool mod, and I wanted to do a photo version). Don’t know if it’s ok to do the challenge with a premade or more than one sim or not OC but idc about rules

Please ignore the fact that none of this sh*t would actually fit in a bag :D Sims’ inventories are infinite anyway.

Ophelia’s bag:

Rainbow Beach Towel

Unfolded cardboard dance mat

Football (or soccer ball)

American Football

Water bottle

Comics

Homework

Letter from Johnny

Phone and Keys

Journal with doodles

Music journal (my Ophelia writes songs and raps)

Selfies with Johnny

Pencil

Cosmetics

Mini Pusheen

Lollipop

Tamagotchi

A naughty j**** Ripp gave her at school, but don’t tell Olive…Ophelia doesn’t wanna live buried in Olive’s lovely “garden” thank you.

Olive’s bag:

Creepy ass sh*t including:

A literal f**king Death Note (the Grim Reaper was like “yeah use this when you wanna see me hun”)

Dark Magic Tomes

A black rose in a skull from the Grim Reaper (his gift to her on their first death I mean date)

A vile of poison

A vile of one of her dead husband’s blood, she can’t remember which or why she kept it.

Her favourite perfume from Morocco

Sage smudge sticks for all those pesky victim ghosts, she really should have thought the whole murdering everyone and burying them at home thing through…

Tarot deck

Crystal ball (she uses it to talk to her dead husbands when she needs something or when the Grim Reaper ghosts her… 

A taxidermy crow

A creepy rat skull

A witchy dagger thingy

A revolver

Cigarettes

F**king knitting

Neutral lipstick

Candles

I don’t really know who to tag tbh but if I didn’t tag you and anyone who sees this can participate and tag me if you want!!! It would be great!! 

Imma tag random mutuals and other blogs/players I like, no pressure to participate! 

@radical-sims @simarty @nf0xy @nefarrilou @simgone @faelegacy @hexpresso-macchiato @siliconesims @emperorofthedark @sammysundog (simsalutation to you <3 idk if you do these kinds of things)  @simmerprincess17 @adrift-in-andromeda @lowvintagesims @arachnophobic-larantula (I know yours isn’t a simblr, but in case you wanna do this challenge with your Cyberpunk or another game &lt;3) @half-rainbow-sandwiches

[thornfield13713]

You mentioned you have a HoF who ends up with Bethany? Can you tell us anything about their relationship?

I do - Belath Mahariel, who romanced Alistair in the game, then he sacrificed himself killing the Archdemon. After dumping her to be king. She was eighteen when she went to fight the Blight, so she and Bethany are of an age, and neither of them wanted to be Wardens, and that was part of what brought them together once they were.

As for telling you things...I do have a piece about them that I wrote a year or two back, for a codex entries challenge that I wanted to have everything done for all my characters in before I released it. That didn't work out brilliantly, but here it is.

Dear Bethany,

Thank you for your letter - I wasn’t sure whether I’d hear from you again until you were back at the Vigil, but you did write back, so now I’m writing this. Which you know, because you are reading this. Creators, I’m bad at this. I just got your letter this morning coming back into the Keep - you know letters always arrive in one big job lot for some reason, so finding a letter from you in between all the letters of complaint about how we’re going to pay for this year’s grain dole and people asking for the Wardens’ help with one problem or another was a very nice surprise. Seneschal Garavel said the letter had been sitting there for a week already, while we were away on the Storm Coast, so probably you’ve already found these dwarves who were trying to kill you - at least, I hope you have. Please don’t die. I would miss you so awfully much if you did, and it doesn’t seem like a very good way to do it, anyway, being killed by a lot of carta dwarves after surviving the Deep Roads, the Joining and every bit of trouble we’ve been through since.

I know it must be difficult going back to Kirkwall, especially with your sister there. Do you think the carta dwarves were after you because of her? Only, we haven’t had much trouble with the carta since before your time with us, that I can remember, and I can’t think of anything they’d want that they could get by killing Wardens. Are you sure you can’t take Nathaniel along? Your sister will probably take some of her friends, so it seems only fair. I know by the time you get this you’ll have gone anyway, whether you take Nathaniel or not, but I don’t like the thought of you being alone. Even with your sister. Maybe especially with your sister. Speaking of sisters, I know it’s not a fair thing to ask, but if you’re going to be in Kirkwall anyway, and if you haven’t left before you get this, could you check in on Merrill for me? Just so I know she’s okay. I know she can look after herself, but Kirkwall is…well, you know what Kirkwall is like more than I do.

I suppose you’ll want to know what we were doing on the Storm Coast that made me late to answer your letter - Teyrn Cousland sent a letter saying they’d had problems with Blight sickness up there, but we couldn’t find any record of a Deep Roads entrance in the area, which is pretty worrying. Well, I took Velanna, Sigrun and Oghren and went up there to check on things, and Cousland was right. Three or four full villages with outbreaks of the Taint. We recruited where we could, of course, to save as many lives as possible - I never thought I’d be all right with that. But it’s different, when you give people the choice. Some of them chose to stay, and die, but some joined us, so there’ll be some new faces in the Wardens when you get back. We managed to find what was causing the outbreaks, too, though that is…a bit too sensitive to include in a letter like this, really, isn’t it? I’ll tell you when you get home, though. Er- I hope that’s okay. The ‘home’ bit, I mean. I know you didn’t want to join up, and the Vigil still doesn’t feel like home for you, but…back to the Vigil. I’ll just say back to the Vigil.

On the upside, while we were chasing ‘round after Blight sickness, I got to see a bit more of the Storm Coast. It really is beautiful up there. I’d never been in that part of the country before the Blight - it wasn’t somewhere my clan really went - but I wish we had. It’s very craggy, and very wet - it rained the whole two weeks we were there. All the way through. I’m not sure I caught sight of the sun once. Very pretty, though, and more than that, there’s a weyr of dragons living on one of the islands off the coast! It hasn’t caused much devastation yet, which is probably why it’s still there - it’s in a pretty remote part of the Coast, so hopefully it will continue to cause very little devastation so it can be left in peace to build up a breeding population - that was the other thing, it looked like the high dragon there was brooding. Sadly, I couldn’t get close enough to make sketches, but I took a cast of some of the drake footprints we found, and now that we know the population is there, I might go on another trip up that way when things are calm again. I haven’t been able to make a firm identification on the dragon breed yet, but it’s one of the breeds that breathes lightning, so my guess would be either a Vinsomer or a Northern Hunter. I do hope it’s a Vinsomer - the breed was completely wiped out by Nevarran dragon hunters centuries ago, and there haven’t been any reliable reports of a sighting of one since the species came back at the start of this Age. It’d be wonderful to know they were still around!

I was able to do some studies of other creatures while we were in the area, mostly just tuskets and spiders, nothing really exotic, but I found some prints and spoor that lead me to believe there might be giants in the area! Bann Mac Eanraig said when I asked that there are legends about giants in the region, but not much more than that - I suppose they must stay well away from inhabited areas and cultivated lands. That is the best way to survive when there are humans out there who want to kill you, ask any Dalish.

Sigrun said to thank you for the book you lent her before she left. Hessarian’s Spear, I think she said it was called? She’s going to bring it to the reading group the week you come back, so you’ll be able to talk about it with her then. She is also looking over my shoulder and complaining that I don’t know how to write a love-letter properly. Is this a love-letter? I mean, it is a letter, and I love you, but apparently that isn’t enough? And I’m supposed to write about how much I miss you and wish you were here. I mean, I do miss you and wish you were here, please don’t think I don’t wish you were here, I always wish you were here. But it sounds like I’m trying to make you feel guilty for not being here, which is the last thing I want - finding that thaig is important, and you’re the only one who can do it, even if it does mean you get attacked by carta dwarves with a grudge against your sister. Apparently that isn’t a very romantic thing to write either. I’m not really very good at romance. I just love you, and I want you to be safe. Or, since none of us are really safe, I want you to kill anything that tries to kill you before it can manage it. Maybe use that gravity thing you can do where things get sort of crushed under their own weight? I always thought that was rather clever.

Well, whatever you do to these carta dwarves, I’m sure it’ll be fantastically lethal. In the meantime, I’m going to have to wrangle with the nobles about the grain dole again. There’s a ship leaving Amaranthine that’s bound for Kirkwall tomorrow - I’ll send this letter with it. Hopefully you’ll still be in the city when it gets there, but if not, I’ve given the messenger your sister’s address. Hopefully that’ll be all right.

Good luck, lethallan,

Bel

Found among the personal belongings of Warden Bethany Hawke, 9:37 Dragon. The paper is thin and almost grey, and very soft to the touch, as if folded and unfolded many times.

[just-a-carrot]

HELLO CARROT!

Given how apparently I’m immune to playing OW games without recording them now, you’ll audibly hear my thoughts within the next few weeks (I’m posting tomorrow because I’m an absolute maniac), BUT I WANNA SAY THINGS HERE BECAUSE APPRECIATION CAN’T WAIT THAT LONG!

Also Merry Christmas! It’s midnight when I’m writing this, so ‘tis the day of caroling and festivities and woah. Or happy holidays if you don’t celebrate!

Back to the Our Cinderella topic, I have only played Genzou’s route as of now (I’m sure that’s hardly surprising, he is my fav), but the others are next. Their time is coming. They cannot escape. SO SPOILERS FOR GENZOU’S ROUTE!

First off, I saw you included the little dancing in front of TV Iggy pose and the joy I felt seeing it was off the charts. I kept bringing it up, I was very happy. And seeing Iggy moving about was really cool in general, even without the novelty of seeing a suggestion I made exist in the game.

NEXT UP! Genzou drunk singing is an image I didn’t know I needed, thank you for the visual and the brain food. BUT ALSO I HAVE BEEN CONNECTING JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR SONGS TO OW FOR SO LONG AND HEARING THE MUSICAL BE MENTIONED BY GENZOU THREW ME FOR A LOOP. Great musical, very nice. Last Supper reminds me of Genzou and Orlam. Judas’s voice in general reminds me of Orlam. Musicals and OW can further connect in my brain hobby drawer.

The text interactions in general were really funny, actually. I liked the absolute chaos that was Iggy and Genzou’s text conversations, I was laughing while trying to read a lot of the time. I remember the aforementioned drunk singing conversation and the puddle one both got me pretty good while I was reading, and it was overall fun to see more lighthearted conversations from the characters, even if it’s in a different universe from the main canon.

To end things off, ‘cause again 1) I haven’t finished all the game’s routes yet, and 2) you’ll be able to hear my thoughts in the moment if you choose in future anyways, I wanna mention the version of Cinderella Bucks tells at the end? I can’t get it out of my head. When I was thinking about the game after having just played it, my mind kept flashing back to CinderJesus. It absolutely decimated my brain function, but in a very fun way. More slice-of-life Bucks, please, she’s peak comedy.

Very fun game, 10/10, very sad I couldn’t buy the Kirby in the first playthrough but it’s on my to-do list, aaaand yeah! Thank you for making this! I loved every minute of it, and I’m really excited to play the remaining routes once my irl festivities are over.

sob this is so sweet! 😭💕 i'm excited to watch your playthrough too -- things are a bit overwhelming in general for me right now as i'm still with my family and doing a bunch of things, but even if i'm unable to find time this week i will for sure watch once i'm back home next week. i'm really happy that you're enjoying it so much already tho ahhhh and that you're finding it so entertaining 🥺

i'm glad you liked the poses i had so much fun with them and also using some of the suggestions to add more! and LMAO JCS is a musical i grew up watching (my parents used to play the original album in the house lol) so i get the songs stuck in my head a lot, hence why it randomly worked its way into this (among many other random silly little references or inspirations from my own life hahaha). that is extremely funny to me 🤣

i'm glad you liked the convos they were the epitome of silly. and also bucks's part hahaha. i was half-worried it would end up being too ridiculous and random for people because it just got so weird in places hahaha

thank you so much for this lovely message and all of your thoughts and for playing the game! 🥺💕 i look forward to watching the playthrough so i can see all of your reactions in real-time lakjdfs

[shinahbee]

New BL/shounen ai webtoon tier list

Hello!

it’s been a while, I’m still working on the monthly favorites for june and july but I wont have it done anytime soon because I’m preparing for a convention this week. Instead, you are going to get the new BL tier list with some new titles 

I have mentioned in my last monthly favorites that I wanted to do a new one because it has been a long time since then and I have read more.

You will see some new stuff and some rankings change from the old ones, I included titles that I have read/ remembered from reading and discarded the ones I no longer have any connection to.

alright, here it is:

Spicy tier - the top tier in my eyes...

most of these stories I’ve read more than once and have left a lasting impression on me, these are ones that if anyone asks me for recommendations, they would be the ones that come to mind.

this could change in the future depending if the next tier makes their way up a rank.

Crash into you

Its just a dream right?

kings maker

pearl boy

hold me tight

the pizza delivery man and the gold palace

path to you

Love history caused by willful negligence 

The foul

The third ending

Good so far, let’s see where it goes- ongoing/ current reads

it wouldn’t be fair to put them in the spicy tier when I’m not fully committed, these still need more time, but I'm enjoying where the plot is heading so far, there are some that I can potentially see in the spicy tier later when they finish

something like liveta and define the relationship, and one that isn’t on here cause I couldn’t find pictures for it...called Half of me, this one is really good so far and I can definitely put it on the spicy tier if it continues going in the right direction.

Beware of the full moon in march

Define the relationship

killer crush

Liveta

Passion

Midnight men

The ghost’s nocturne

(no pic ) half of me 

Not bad but not great either- meh overall

most I have finished but found it under whelming, lack of character development, plot moving very slowly, not really anything spectacular.

not to say that these aren’t good in their own way but there has to be a line that separates the good stories from the ones that are okay right? some I have in my favorites are in this tier because I’m trying to be really critical when I think about the story overall now that its done...

i’ll list the series and tell you why I feel that way in case you are wondering

Painter from the window - I don’t remember much about this, the end didn’t really make sense to me and I don’t think I finished the entire story, I might have lost some interest in between

insecret - I liked the side story better than the mains story, if it was based on that this would have been higher 

Dangerous convenient store- basic story overall not a lot of interesting plot other than near the end, the pacing is okay in terms of relationship development 

Lucky paradise - pacing is slow and not a lot of development from chunwoo, which I don’t really get why he does the things he does, he really needed character development a lot sooner for me to be interested 

Secret relationships - 90% flashbacks 10 % story lol. i’m sure all bimsa fans will agree that the story took a while to move forward cause all we got was one flash back after another and no expansion on the characters in the current timeline.

Dear door - I just got bored in the middle 

My suha - season1, 2 were great in terms of plot, the last season moved really slowly and made a lot of people lose interest, there’s also a ton of misunderstanding, but that’s nothing new in BL

Hide and seek- I would put this higher if it wasn’t for the conflict being miniscule, it really does not pair well with the whole mystery behind the story. I also have not read this again after the second time so it was not very memorable. 

omega complex - good characters and development, no dumb love triangles..lol. which is the best part cause I hate those, the main guy yoonwoo was like I only like 1 person if you aren’t him don’t talk to me...lmao I appreciate it. overall it’s a short story but that’s all it is. 

MDZS - this may surprise you cause this is what got me to read BL and took over my life, but in terms of manhwa the pacing is slow and I liked the drama better than the actual webtoon

Seeing double - twins and love triangle....uh nope...I just wish there was more explanation is to how ohn ended up liking seowoo...I’m happy cause that’s my ship, but I felt there was a disconnect there when he realized his feelings...I’m like wtf ...how?

oki doki... the I don’t give a sh*t tier

some famous titles that other people are in love with and I have no interest in reading at all...

Anti PT

Heaven’s official blessing

Banana sandal season 2 (I have read season 1)

Lost in the cloud

Honey trouble

and also can corelate with the next tier,

already knows the story through osmosis...

I literally can read some twitter tweets and already know the story based on how much people put out there in terms of spoilers. Which is why I don’t have to read it lol.

Blind play

Jinx

checkmate

mad place 

wet sand

limited run

though I do appreciate it if I want to avoid certain types of stories...like the ones in the last tier 

never touch again-  I dodged a bullet with some of these...

Again like the tier above I already know the story through osmosis, the only one I finished reading was BJ alex and that was a dark time in my life that I want to just erase.

BJ alex

full volume 

even if you don’t love me

Love or hate

yours to claim

married man/missing love

some of these just have no plot just smut scenes, some of which does have a plot but not good enough for me to enjoy because of subject matter (incest) and most are abuse from all angles...so I try to avoid those, which is why I basically dropped all of it.

real talk though, I have one thing to ask...why have Ugly old men in your stories?..yeah they are creepy but who would look at that and be like yeah I want that dude to touch me...like who is ugly ass 70 year old rotting dick appealing to? like what audience?

omg this is the one trope in BL I cannot stand...I also cannot escape from  it cause its in lots of stories, if some one knows please explain it to me ...LOL.

okay well there it is for new tier list rankings, I’ll be back after the convention and finished the monthly favorites I was planning on doing. hope you enjoyed reading and I have the old tier list in the link below:

https://shinahbee.tumblr.com/post/666535722973560832/the-bl-manhwamangamanhua-tier-list-hello-so-you

if you would like to see more stuff I write about please follow me cause I have a lot of BL criticism content.lol. 

[baileypie-writes]

~Ranking All Pink Fairies in Pretty Cure~

~~~🎀~~~🎀~~~🎀~~~

Disclaimer: These are all my opinions! If you don’t agree with them, that’s fine! Just don’t attack me or anything.

Also, the Fairy Tones aren’t included in any of these rankings. They’re just all the same to me, and don’t do much other than in the transformations and powers.

‼️Warning: Spoilers for Futari wa Precure Splash Star, Doki Doki Precure, Hugtto Precure and Delicious Party Precure‼️

~~~🎀~~~🎀~~~🎀~~~

~🩷20 - Lulun🩷~

(Futari wa Precure: Max Heart)

I thought Porun was annoying, but oh. My. Gosh.

I feel like it’s easy for me to forget how much I hate a character if their design is cute, but with Lulun, all of that goes out the window. The moment this baby opened her mouth, she’s whining and being needy.

I get that she’s a child, but children need to learn and understand that they can’t have everything they want all the time. She never gives poor Porun any alone time, and throws a fit when he asks her to stop clinging to him. And Mipple, who should be the responsible big sister, just lets her behavior slide.

~🎐19 - Foop🎐~

(Futari wa Precure: Splash Star)

So forgettable.

I feel like Moop and Foop were super unnecessary. Other than the power ups, they don’t do much at all. Toei could’ve just had Flappy and Choppy do the power ups instead.

I don’t remember a thing about Foop, other than she was just there for the power up and cute factor.

~🧚‍♀️18 - Wishun🧚‍♀️~

(Futari wa Precure: Max Heart)

I really liked the Heartiels! Each of them were so unique, and their designs were really cool!

Unfortunately though, Wishun’s design is all I can really judge here. She doesn’t have enough screen time for me to judge her on personality. So for that reason, she’s ranked this low.

I still love her design though!

~🕊️17 - Queen Bavarois🕊️~

(Yes! Precure 5 GoGo)

She sort of gives me “annoying aunt” energy.

All she does is talk. Nonstop. That’s all there is to her. Nothing else. So that’s all I gotta say.

~🥚16 - Ai🥚~

(Doki Doki)

I never like the babies. They just always cause problems. Ai wasn’t as bad as some of the other babies though(ahem… Chiffon).

However, I found her existence to be pretty much unnecessary. I mean, did Toei really need to make the princess reincarnate into a magic baby? We already have Aguri and Regina. Why do we need a third princess clone? I guess they probably just did it for the toys.

~🍨15 - Kirarin🍨~

(KiraKira Precure A La Mode)

As I stated before in this post, I don’t like Kirarin/Ciel. She was really rude.

I also feel like she could’ve done a lot more for her brother, if she just stopped baking for one small second. That’s all I have to say here.

~🎶14 - Hummy🎶~

(Suite)

I may get attacked for this, but I found Hummy really annoying. And I already found Hibiki and Kanade annoying. So until Ellen and Ako came around, I just couldn’t stand anyone in the dang show.

I also don’t really like her design. It’s just a cat with pink markings. Nothing too special.

~🍒13 - Kirarin Bear🍒~

(Wonderful)

Again, he doesn’t have enough screen time for me to judge him a whole bunch. But from what we’ve seen so far, I really like him!

I love how he’s so cute and small, but he lifts weights. I was also surprised when he didn’t hold a grudge against Cure Nyammy for hurting him. So he’s a pretty cool little guy!

~🍼12 - Hugtan🍼~

(Hugtto)

Again, I never like the babies.

Though, Hugtan is okay. She’s not too annoying, and she doesn’t cause a lot of trouble.

The train scene where she was calling out for her mama made me tear up. And I was actually crying at her birth.

So congratulations Team Baby, you’ve earned one point.

~🍙11 - Kome-Kome🍙~

(Delicious Party)

She’s… okay.

It’s cool how she can turn into a human, and she is really cute. But I never really grew attacked to her.

I also found her to be quite annoying at times.

That’s all I got.

~👑10 - Pafu👑~

(Go! Princess)

I may also get attacked for this, but I didn’t really like her that much.

For the most part, she just looks like a normal dog. Nothing special, except for some accessories. She’s also clearly mostly there for the cute factor and toys.

However, I still like her. I just think the show would’ve been just fine without her.

~🐚9 - Kururun🐚~

(Tropical Rouge)

I may actually get massacred for this. But I’m not a huge Kururun fan.

She doesn’t do much at all. Other than delivering a package or whatever, she’s just kinda there. She doesn’t enable power-ups, she rarely does anything useful, and she doesn’t even talk.

~🌸8- Chypre🌸~

(Heartcatch)

She’s really cute!

She really cares for Tsubomi, and I love that. But I unfortunately can’t remember much about her. But out of the things I do remember, none of them are negative! So that’s good!

~🌹7 - Milk🌹~

(Yes! Precure 5)

I remember hating Milk at first. But in Yes! Precure 5 GoGo, she grew on me.

Sure, she’s annoying, and can be really rude. But she’s iconic. Plus, her design is really cute!

~🩷6 - Mipple🩷~

(Futari wa Precure)

Ah yes, one of the OG fairies!

I love Mipple. She’s so cute! But I do feel she’s a bit lacking, especially when you compare her to Mipple.

Also, I just couldn’t stand how she just let Lulun do whatever she wanted.

But I still love her!

~🍩5 - Pekorin🍩~

(KiraKira Precure A La Mode)

I like Pekorin! She’s just a sweet little baby.

Though her design makes me a bit uncomfortable. Why did Toei choose that fleshy peach color for her? It’s giving “balding old man” vibes..

But other than that, I love her. She really tries her best, and you can see her improvement throughout the series.

~♥️4 - Sharuru♥️~

(Doki Doki)

My favorite fairy in Doki Doki Precure!

Sharuru is super helpful and caring. Though she does overdo it at times. I really loved the episode where she turned human. It was super cute to see her bonding with Mana more.

Though what stops her from being higher on this list, is that she can get pretty annoying. Especially when she wants to help too much.

~🎀3 - Ribbon🎀~

(Happiness Charge)

Poor Ribbon deserved better. She did so much for Hime, basically being like a mother to her. She took care of her, cooked and cleaned. But she never received even a simple “thank you”. Instead, Hime just acted like a brat.

If I was Hime, I’d be way more grateful. And it sucks that people just forget about Ribbon.

~🦴2 - Komugi🦴~

(Wonderful)

I think it’s safe to say that everyone loves Komugi! I mean, who wouldn’t? She’s such a sweet girl!

Sure, she can be a bit much, and say too much. But I still love her!

She’s so kind and caring towards both people and animals. All she wants is to play with everyone, and that wish helps motivate her to be a good Pretty Cure!

~🌷1 - Rabirin🌷~

(Healin’ Good)

In my opinion, Rabirin is the better version of Sharuru.

She’s caring, hardworking, and a great partner to Cure Grace! She’s super serious about healing the earth, and taking care of Latte. Sure, she had her doubts about Nodoka at first, but after getting to know her, they’re the perfect pair!

Rabirin is criminally underrated. I really need to get some merch of her.

That’s all! Let me know what you think of my ranking, and how you would rank them yourself!

~~~🎀~~~🎀~~~🎀~~~

~~baileypie-writes

[sothetherogue]

Dear Evan Hansen found me.

So now that the tour is closing as well, I’ve been kind of reflecting on why I enjoy Dear Evan Hansen so much. Why it was a show, out of all of the shows I’ve been fortunate enough to see, I connected with so much. So. Here are some incoherent drabbles on it from me.

The first, and probably most obvious thing, is that for much of High School – I felt like Evan. Like I was kind of always on the outside looking in, just hoping that someone would want to include me in what they were doing. I’ve long since left HS but in a way I often still feel that way. I always feel like for a lot of people I am their afterthought. Family, friends, work – I’m the guy no one is thinking “Oh he has to be there!” I just get tossed the pity invite when they remember. Is a lot of that in my head? Yeah probably – But hey Anxiety really make a fool of me.

I spent a lot of time around that age, and even to an extent now, wishing I had more friends. I spent time playing World of Warcraft and imagining what it would be like to have a group of friends to go to a dance with, thinking what it would be like if I could built up the courage to talk to a guy I liked. In college I spent a lot of time thinking the friends I was with were just too polite to tell me to leave. A lot of that carries with me now. Just waiting for the moment everyone decides I have overstayed my welcome and asks me to leave. Always planning out interactions in the hope of making sure they go well do that people will like me. Just – I really saw myself in him as a character.

In a way, I also had my own big lie that I was telling to everyone. Obviously, a very different lie, but one that shaped everything around me and eventually came crashing down. I’ve known I was gay for a really long time. There were a lot of mistakes made around it – but growing up in the Lutheran School system, telling people was just something I felt could never do. There are a lot of moments from my life that I feel were taken from me because I’d either step out of the sun, or hit the breaks before I turned the key.

I know DEH isn’t a “Coming out” story in that sense, but the way it paralleled my own life is something I can’t stop thinking about. Having a mom who always tried to do her best for me, but because she didn’t actually know the support I needed ended up coming up short? It’s scary how similar it was. I even went to therapy for a time, but it was Christian based therapy. I’m not knocking it as a concept – but the thing that was bringing me down I couldn’t talk about SO….it didn’t help. And the lie I told everyone, that I convinced myself was true as well because I wanted it to be true for so long. I pretended to be straight, date girls, do all the things so that no one would know how “Broken” I was deep down. How broken I found myself. Everything seemed fine on the surface, but deep down I was really hurting.

When I heard “Words Fail” I was reminded so much of when I finally started to admit the truth to myself and other people. I didn’t know how to say it, and usually was just reduced to tears. The lyrics

This was just a sad invention

It wasn't real, I know

But we were happy

I guess I couldn't let that go

I guess I couldn't give that up

I guess I wanted to believe

'Cause if I just believe

Then I don't have to see what's really there

No, I'd rather pretend I'm something better than these broken parts

Pretend I'm something other than this mess that I am

'Cause then I don't have to look at it

And no one gets to look at it

No, no one can really see

'Cause I've learned to slam on the brake

Before I even turn the key

Before I make the mistake

Before I lead with the worst of me

I never let them see the worst of me

'Cause what if everyone saw?

What if everyone knew?

Would they like what they saw?

Or would they hate it too?

Will I just keep on running away from what's true? .....

Like. They might as well have just held a mirror up to my face.

I had told some people before I ever told anyone in my family. To be honest, telling my mom was not how I wanted it to go. It was similar to Heidi and Evan too. We were in a fight about something silly. I had forgotten to get something out of my trunk she needed and drove to work with it. I remember sitting in my desk at 9 am sobbing because this was it. This was how I was going to tell her. I finally texted her the words “I’m gay” and that pretty much shut down the rest of the day for me. I called my friend Lily in the stairwell – I don’t even know if I got coherent words out to her – Before I drove home and laid in bed catatonic for 6 hours until my mom got home. All of this culminated in our own “So Big / So Small” moment – And while I don’t think she handled it perfectly (Not mad BTW) it was a turning point for me.

I could finally stop pretending I was someone else in the hopes that people would like the persona I had created, and not the one that was real that I wanted to hide. I was me. And that was enough. It was time to step in to the sun.

When I finally saw the play in 2021 I was immediately taken with it for the above reasons and more. It was another catalyst for me to start making changes in my life, as I realized I was still not being the full me – and I have been changing that. I have been fortunate enough to see the tour 4 separate times, and every time I see something new and while it is sad it is ending, it will be something I always remember.

So – when I say this play meant a lot to me I really mean it. I might have taken something from it completely different from someone else – and I wish I had found it so much sooner, but thank you Dear Evan Hansen for finding me.

[hopelessromantic1352]

Hi! 🤗 As the new year countdown approaches, who are your top 10 MCs or OCs in the Choices fandom. Of course you can include your own as well. Celebrate yourself!

Hi anon! This is a great question! Sorry it took me so long to get around to answering! This made me really think, cause I think for the most part I really focus on our LIs and not the MCs/OCs. Also, this is not in order! It’s just what my squirrel brain comes up with first 🤣

Perfect Match F!MC - I named her Steph - I love how PM feels so fictional, yet real and exciting. Steph romanced Damien and I love their banter, relationship, everything. She is just so sassy, punny, and overall a great character. I feel like most of the older books have great storylines and great characters all around.

My F!OC Natalia York - I made Natalia for a Red Carpet Diaries AU after the disaster they called RCD 3 was released. I personally felt like RCD’s MC was a complete airhead, selfish, and didn’t really care about including her future husband in any wedding planning. I won’t get started on that whole thing 🤦🏼‍♀️🤣 Anywho, I love Natalia because she is so elegant and graceful. She’s so kind and her past has not been easy yet she doesn’t show that part of her. She keeps her walls up much like her counterpart, Thomas. I feel like sometimes I don’t write her well enough and I feel like I don’t do her justice.

@alj4890’s Amanda Bridgerton (F!OC) - This lady right here, I cannot say enough about her. The writer and the character 🤣 my friend created such a unique OC that started out as a match for Maxwell (TRR) and slowly transitioned into a match for Thomas (RCD) and I am so happy 😂 I may feel bad for Maxwell, but not enough to not be happy about Amanda and Thomas. Reading the fics with those two is just amazing because Amanda writes them so well. Every fic I read about the two shows a new light on their relationship. I just… I love them. They’re probably my favorite ship to read about on this app.

@liaromancewriter MAX! He is so awesome. I binge read all your fics and when I got to the ones with him, I fell in love 🥰 This is not taking away from Cassie and Ethan cause I love their dynamic 😍 But Max and Sienna are so freaking cute together! He is so supportive and I remember him being protective of his sis and then he met Sienna and ugh swoon. Love, love, love ❤️❤️❤️

@jerzwriter Casey… need I say more? 🤣 I love the relationship between her and Tobias. Add Ethan in there 🤌🏼 Chef’s kiss. I love how shameless she is and the way she treats her friends. She’s, overall, someone I’d wanna be friends with 😂 But even though this is a question for MCs and OCs, I’m gonna sneak this in here, the way you write Tobias is the best ever. I think you have his character down to a T and it just makes everything with Casey that much better. I feel like those two feed off each other and the stories you come up with are amazing and hilarious 😆

@lovealexhunt Bogart (OC? Right? 😂) I love how you’ve incorporated Thomas and Alex’s (RCD) pet into your fics and you’ve made him such an important part of their lives. It’s amazing to read about Alex and Bogart, they seem like two peas in a pod and I love how she’s created an IG page for him 🤣 He’s such a good doggo for letting his mom dress him up and take lots of pics with him 🥰

@alj4890 Jackson Nevrakis-Walker and Nichole "Nicky" Beaumont - future TRR - I feel like these two HAVE to be together. I couldn’t put them on separate lines 🤣 I’ve read TRR a couple of times now and I just couldn’t get into it like everyone else could. But then I read an RCD/ TRR crossover by my dear friend Amanda, and I learned it is pretty awesome and the characters are pretty amazing. Since then, she created these two in a later down the road TRR and I fell in love with their dynamic. The breakup to them feeling like they should try again. I love the similarities between Nicky and her mom. I just feel like I need more of these two cause they’re adorable together.

@ladylamrian Alex Fontaine - NB - her name makes her sound like a badass 💁🏼‍♀️ which I mean she has to be to deal with Nik 🤣 I love how she’s so happy to be with Nik even though he can be over protective, over bearing, and overall a jerk sometimes. She helps him see that he doesn’t need to be and deals with his attitude, but he does the same with her. You’ve created a happier spin on a couple that could have some dark personalities lol but I love how you write her with Nik ❤️

@cariantha Sawyer - OH - Idk how I haven’t asked to be on your taglist sooner, but oh my lanta I love her! Her relationship with Ethan is so sweet and I love the softness she brings out in him. I can’t wait to read more of her and learn more about her 😍

The Royal Masquerade MC - I named her Juliette - I love her tenacity and bravery. They wrote her to have pride, courage, but still be very down to earth. She’s witty and I personally think they have some of the best faces and hairstyles for TRM’s MC.

Again, these are not in order! And I’m sooo not taking away from any other MCs or OCs y’all have, these are just ones that came to mind and that I personally love 💕

[i-will-physically-fight-you]

Director’s Cut of Crescent Chapter 5 Revision

This is based off an ask that an anon sent in for this ask meme: ‘What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.’ Except I’m doing it for this whole chapter because it’s my blog, my rules.

If you’re a fanfic writer who is considering tackling a long fic--the advice I can give to you is this: consider the amount of editing you may do for a 3k oneshot. Consider how much an oneshot changes from beginning to end. Now imagine you have to write fifty one-shots that are all have to be interconnected and correlated with one another and the hassle of remembering five plot points has now morphed into seventy-nine plot points and you may start to understand the stress that causes. Unless you are the author that bravely writes everything with minimal editing, to which I salute thee for your unabashed fortitude in your work.

What was my point again? My point being, there is a reason why published novels go through many revisions before they hit the shelves, fanfiction being a hobby art means it’s a lot more messier and noticeable if a writer decides to revise their already published work.

In many ways, I’m proud of the original Crescent--it was my biggest finished work, excluding a few Nanowrimo projects that are technically not finished. For me, however, I’ve always viewed fanfiction as a way to practice my writing for original concepts, so revisions are a part of that for me. It can allow me to have a stronger foundation to pull from for new Gibbous chapters and Crescent Chapter 5 is probably my favorite I’ve done thus far. 

I want to go through a brief comparison of the Original vs. Revision in this post to show how much revision changes a work but also my favorite additions.

The Issue with Roman

See, I’ve always had a bone to pick with Roman in this AU, and primarily it’s because I wanted him to be an antagonistic character towards Virgil (paralleling canon) but I still wanted him to be sympathetic to the readers.

At the time of writing Crescent, I really struggled putting down on paper the image of what that looked like inside my head.  His character felt very two-dimensional, which made the idea of writing some future important Gibbous moments even harder because it didn’t feel well-deserved given the foundation I laid down in Crescent.

Given this chapter is essentially his introduction to the AU, it was my chance to redeem Roman and give him the attention he deserves.

Beginning Paragraphs

Original: 

Roman was not a heartless monster. Like Patton, he couldn’t walk by an injured bird without feeling pity for it. Logan, on the other hand, could stroll by the bird without a passing thought. He’d state it was best to let nature run its course.

“All things die, Patton,” Logan said once, as he comforted Patton after he attempted to save a dying Robin, “It would’ve died regardless if you tried to help it or not. It was too far gone.”

“I—I know that,” Patton gave a rueful smile, “But I had to at least try to save him—at the very least he didn’t die all alone on a cold cement, terrified of what happened to him.”

Logan’s hand on his shoulder tightened. A look was shared between the two of them and Roman had a feeling that Patton wasn’t just talking about the bird.

“And I am sure he is grateful for your actions.” Logan choked.

I really like this bit a lot--in fact I still included it later in the chapter--but it’s a very static opening to me. Roman is barely included in this opening despite being his chapter. I wanted a better peak into Roman’s thoughts at the onset rather than midway through the chapter, however, which why I changed it.

Revision:

As Roman stared at the human’s sleeping form, he couldn’t help but wonder how humans managed to become the dominating species of planet Earth. Without their weaponry or protective garb, they really did look rather frail and unassuming. Roman could dispose of his pack’s intruder within seconds.

“I hope you should know that if I was not a wolf of honor, I’d strike you where you laid.” Roman informed the unconscious human, his words punctuated with a soft growl.

The human did not respond to this, although he did turn his back to face Roman in his sleep. Said werewolf couldn’t help but feel unreasonably indignant at this.

“But be assured, I will not hesitant should you pose a threat,” Roman continued, walking a small loop around the spare bedroom, “In fact I will not rest in my vigilance over you.”

A yawn escaped him then, as if to prove his point. He couldn’t sleep—he couldn’t even concentrate on his art commissions while an intruder prowled around their den. He took another glance at the human, scowling. Perhaps prowling wasn’t quite the right term. The intruder had spent the past day-and-an-half sprawled out in one of their beds, a place he certainly did not belong.

However, the same could be said of Roman. He was not supposed to be here with the human. He’d agreed to let both Patton and Logan handle the human.

An agitated worry gnawed at him all the same. Roman still well remembered the last time they let a human inside their dwelling.

Now this? This is more dynamic, it’s more clear from the onset that Roman is in the spare bedroom because he’s concerned about Virgil’s presence in the house and we even get into “what happened last time a human entered their house”--a throwaway line that was never addressed in the original. 

Debbie

Which then leads to a flashback sequence completely added into the revision process. It actually has inspo from alternate draft for Gibbous Chapter 5

Draft:

It was dangerous living in the city, but the countryside was even more dangerous. Witch hunts for paranormal folk were more frequent. Everyone was constantly suspecting each other to be inhuman. If the cashier at the local mom and pop store had unusually sharp canines, everyone was crying werewolf. And just like the story of the Boy Who Cried Wolf, they were usually wrong.

However, the cashier would pay the price. Despite the Federal Paranormal Agency finding these findings false, it would be on her record. It ruined their chances of finding work. After all, what if the FPA had been wrong? No one wanted to hire a possible paranormal folk.

The exposition isn’t necessarily bad, but you have to consider whether or not it’s more impactful to show that same information through a scene.

Revision:

It was the type of nowhere that the nearest “town” was a gas station and a few other motley buildings. It was the type of nowhere where the nearest neighbor lived far enough that their house wasn’t visible to your own. It was the type of nowhere that was ideal for a few wolves to live undisturbed. Or at least, they’d all assumed so.

...

“Hello! How can I help you?” Patton said, the door opening not fully all the way. Roman could tell this from the door giving out only a short creak rather than a long creaeaeaeaak.

“Why hello Hon! I’m Debbie, I heard from your neighbor Dan that someone finally bought old John’s property and thought I’d drop by and say hello. I brought scones to share with you—I made them from scratch. Won’t you try one?” The intruder said, her voice weathered and frayed with age.

“Aw, shucks! Thank you so much! My name is Patton, it’s nice to meet you.” Patton said. There was a slight pause from Roman presumed to be Patton reaching out for a scone. “Do you happen to be a relative of John?”

“Oh, oh no!” Debbie laughed, “John never had no folks here. Ever since I was a child, he lived here on his lonesome. Bit of a strange one, if you know what I mean.”

“Strange?”

“Well, this is all talk mind you but—” Debbie broke into a whisper, “we think he was a bloodsucker. The fella never did seem to age naturally. Never came into town in broad daylight, always scuttled around twixt dusk and dawn. People don’t like that ‘round here, of course, but there was never any damn cement evidence. Didn’t stop ‘em, I’ll tell ya that.”

Roman did not like where this was going. Patton didn’t like where it was going either—Roman knew by the other’s heartrate accelerating in speed.

“Stop who?” Patton asked, his words muffled from a mouthful of food.

“Out here, people take care of each other. Don’t need the government to dictate how we live or swoop in to fix things, hah!” Debbie said wryly, “Bless his heart, old John didn’t go down without a fight.”

“You…killed him?”

“Oh, oh no!” Debbie chortled, her breath hitching abruptly, “I didn’t kill him. You? Well, hon. That’s a different story.”

It’s up to the reader’s interpretation whether or not Old John was actually a vampire. Maybe he was an anti-social hermit who wanted to avoid people at all costs. Maybe he was indeed a vampire that did his best to keep his head down. Whose to say? Also, writing an old vicious southern lady was a lot of fun.

Debbie, Continued

Roman still had time, he could still come to Patton’s aid. If he could only escape the fabric prison engulfing him. His claws dug and tore away at the quilt in a frantic attempt to escape its grasp. He couldn’t seem to find the ends of the blanket; it was all consuming. He growled anyways. A warning growl, the fiercest one he could muster. A growl that meant Unwanted, Go Away, Leave Now.

He didn’t believe the human would actually listen. He just needed to drive the human’s attention away from harming Patton. As he managed to pop his head from underneath the quilt, the edge of a small thin silver blade raised high above his head.

“Ro—roman.” Patton yelped. But he couldn’t see Patton. All he saw was the beady eyes entrenched in a face wrinkled from anger and bitterness. If Roman was a hero from a sacred tale, this would be the moment he epically saved the day. But that would be a grievous lie.

It did not mean he made a valiant attempt at doing so. Roman lunged at Debbie, snarling. She met him with a swift kick to his face, knocking him asunder. His heart roared in his ears as he stubbornly flung up to his paws. He charged forward in a blind rage. Another kick—this time to his ribs—sent him crumpling down. As he rose up again, a steel-toed boot pressed into his jugular, effectively cutting most of his air supply.

Roman thought he heard Patton screaming his name. It was getting hard to focus. His head pulsated as if brain matter was leaking out of his ears. His vision became a blob of shape and color at this point.

“Shush, don’t fight it.” The human said with bared teeth. A white-hot blade danced across the half-faded scars along his sternum.

“You poor thing, someone did a fucked up job of trying to put you out of your misery,” Debbie cooed, “don’t worry, I’ll finish the job.”

“No!”

“How—”

Blood. Blood everywhere on white pristine tile. A corpse, devoid of all life. A being that would never bask in the Moon’s glow or howl with him to rejoice in a good hunt. A whimper-howl escaped his throat. Patton was dead, he was gone, Roman had failed his pack for a second time—

“Ro—Roman,” A shaky, twitching arm latched itself around him, “I’m here, I’m here. She didn’t use enough wolfsbane—it didn’t taste bitter enough.”

Pack, pack was safe. Roman whined, nuzzling his snout into Patton’s sweater. It was wet and sticky, but underneath was a heart still beating and alive. That was important, that was enough.

“You were so brave, Ro, so, so brave.” Patton murmured.

Logan found them an hour later, huddled inches away from the body of the accursed human. They didn’t end up staying long after that—fleeing under the solace of the Moon’s rays. Patton was right—it wasn’t enough wolfsbane to kill him. But it was just enough wolfsbane to leave him sick for weeks. He’d throw up the slightest thing resembling solids. All because some human decided that peaceful or not, no “paranormal” being deserved to live.

It’s important to me to show Roman’s experience here. What’s more impactful Roman in the original stating he hates humans because of a story he was told and the vague hint they killed his parents? Or the illustrated scene where he was helpless to defeat the human who harmed Patton, just as he’d failed his birth pack, which leads him into refusing to lower his guard around Virgil’s presence in the house?

It also allows me to show a glimpse of the three werewolves and their bond together, because they do care very much for one another even when they disagree.

Debbie, Conclusion

Revision:

Not just some human, it was all of them. Honor meant nothing to them—even if their wolf pack abided by human rules and peacefully resided in their own territory, it did not matter. Sooner or later, a self-righteous vigilante or the Federal Paranormal Agency would be on their land to pay a “friendly” visit. To survive, they were anything but a wolf. Anything meant a normal, average person. A person meant a human being and nothing else.

“It is not fair,” Roman remarked to the still unconscious human lying before him, “What a privilege you have for simply being born a human.”

Of course, Roman wasn’t ashamed for being a werewolf. It was a blessing to be one of the Moon’s children. He was superior in physicality and promised a long natural life unlike this feeble ailing human. But he did harbor a righteous rage for the world that humans carved out of the violence they wrought. Most humans did not grow into FPA hunters—but they still benefited from their hunts. They lived their whole lives without the fear of death looming above their heads, ready to strike at any moment.

It’s important to note Roman’s aware that most humans aren’t actively hunting down werewolves, but by their willingness to say nothing, they perpetuate the violence. He’s upset, after growing up in an environment that celebrated who he was, that he has to play human and pretend otherwise.

Remus’s Introduction

Back when I wrote this originally, his character hadn’t been introduced. Which slightly complicated matters, because Roman’s original backstory hinged on the idea he was his parents’ only child, which is unusual (werewolves usually have twins or triplets). I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to seek a way of including Remus at first, but eventually I settled on an idea. Yes, Roman presumes he is dead--whether or not that’s the case, depends on if I ever finish Gibbous and write the next part of the AU.

Original: 

Looking at the human reminded him of the stories his mother told him as a child. They were much like the fairytales humans fed to their children but instead as being disregarded as mere fantasy, most werewolves regarded them as factual accounts of the times before them. From the moment he said his first words, his parents and other elders of the pack taught the stories to him until he could repeat them verbatim. As much as Roman loved the stories, he loved enhancing them, adding dragon-witches where there hadn’t been before. He was discouraged from this by his father.

“Roman, these stories have been passed down from the beginning of time. It will be your responsibility to pass along these stories to your own pups or to newly-turns.”

“But a dragon-witch is so much cooler than a regular witch though!” Roman protested.

“Perhaps, but by adding that to the story is the same as lying. You are telling people there was a dragon witch when that is not happened. Do you understand?”

“Not really.” Roman hung his head.

“Come here,” His father patted the seat next to him on the couch, “let me tell you the tale of Conan, who had a knack of embellishing tales the same as you.”

“What does ‘embellishing’ mean?” Roman wrinkled his nose as he sat beside his father.

The other chuckled, “Listen to the story and you’ll find out.”

Revision:

Oddly, this reminded him of the sacred tales his parents told him and his brother Remus as children. From the moment the two spoke their first words, their parents and other members of their pack taught them the sacred tales until they could repeat them verbatim. This was because sacred tales were stories passed on from generation to generation, of the history that came before them.

They were real, factual, not like the fairytales that humans fed to their children of the past. It was important that they knew the sacred tales and could repeat them by heart, unaltered in any way.

That didn’t stop Roman and Remus from “enhancing” them. They’d sit under the shade of an oak tree, bouncing ideas back and forth.

“What if instead of booooring humans, Romulus fought off a dragon? A mucus-breathing dragon with six wings and twice as many eyes?” Remus suggested one time.

“What if it’s also a dragon-witch? A dragon that is also a witch who can mind control people and Romulus has to fight them off and free everyone from being mind controlled.”

“Ooh, yeah!” Remus beamed, “and then he gets swallowed alive! And he finds Remus Rex in there, and they both have to stab the dragon-witch from the inside out!”

Their dad wasn’t as amused by their modification of the Sacred Story regarding their namesakes.

“Roman, Remus, these stories have been passed down from the beginning of time. It will be your responsibility one day to pass along these stories to your own pups or to any newly-turns under your guidance.”

“But him beating up a dragon-witch is so much cooler than him defeating some humans!” Roman protested.

“Perhaps, but by changing what actually happened is the same as lying. You are telling people there was a dragon witch when that did not happen. Do you understand?”

“No.”

“Not really.”

The two boys said at once.

“Come here you two,” His father patted the seat next to him on the couch, “let me tell you the tale of Conan, who had a knack of embellishing tales the same as you.”

“What does ‘embellishing’ mean?” Roman wrinkled his nose as he sat beside his father.

“Yeah, does it have to do with making stories cooler?” Remus said, settling on the other side of their dad.

The adult only chuckled at their queries, “Listen to the story and you’ll find out.”

By the end of Conan’s story, Roman truly understood the importance of reciting the sacred stories from memory. Remus, on the other hand, was stubborn. He liked adding onto the sacred tales, if only to see the outrageous looks on the Elders’ faces for doing so. Roman liked the ideas of dragon-witches and manticore-chimeras—he just always made sure to remind his listeners that those stories were entirely fictional unlike the sacred tales.

I gave the werewolves’ oral history a name--sacred tales--and because I wanted to distinguish a difference between the brothers Romulus and Remus of Roman myth and Roman & Remus, they’re referred to as Romulus Rex and Remus Rex by werewolves. In this, Romulus & Remus were werewolf brothers who praised as heroes in werewolf sacred tales and Romulus did not kill Remus like the human legends claim.

The Tale of the Homines

In case anyone is curious “homines” = latin for “people” aka humans. I didn’t change much from the original, mainly changed the ending to include Remus in it.

Original:

“But that’s not all,” Roman gravely said, “Because of their arrogance, the Sun and Moon also cursed the other homines with even shorter lifespans than before!”

“That doesn’t seem very fair though, the other homines didn’t kill the werewolves and vampires!” One boy cried out.

Roman’s eyebrows raised. “Yes, but you see the other homines were just as greedy and committed other unspeakable acts. That is why they are now known as humans.”

It was because of that story and many others, that Roman was guarded by the human’s presence

Revision: 

“But that’s not all,” Roman gravely said, “Because of their arrogance, the Sun and Moon also cursed the other homines with even shorter lifespans than before!”

“That doesn’t seem very fair though, the other homines didn’t kill the werewolves and vampires!” One boy cried out.

Roman’s eyebrows raised. “Yes, but you see the other homines were just as greedy and committed other unspeakable acts. That is why they are now known as humans.”

Gasps echoed throughout the crowd.

“And that is why we wolves always must stay wary of humans—because they’re wily and are always trying to find insidious ways to circumvent the curse they brought upon themselves.” Roman finished, to the applause of his audience.

One person in clapped louder than the rest. At some point towards the end, Remus had shown up and somehow managed to keep his maw shut until now. “Well done, dear brother! But you forgot something important—”

Roman groaned, “No, I did not—”

“You forgot to include that homines could projectile poison acid from their stomachs—”

“No, they did not!”

“And that when they attacked at the banquet, they killed everyone by spitting acid in their faces—”

“Ignore him, that’s not what happened!” Roman insisted, before launching himself at his brother.

“Admit it, it sounds better!” Remus shouted to the rest, as Roman pummeled him to the ground.

The two tussled, holding back laughter as they growled without any true malice. Life was simpler back then—when his greatest worry was keeping Remus from spreading misinformation to impressible young minds.

*holds teenage Remus and Roman gently in my hands* look at how young and untraumatized these two are. Also something to note is I had Roman blatantly give the moral of the story which is “we wolves must stay wary of humans--because they’re wily and are always trying to find insidious ways to circumvent the curse they brought upon themselves”

yes my most favorite trope is non-humans viewing humans as monsters and vice versa.

The Blood

Original:

It was because of that story and many others, that Roman was guarded by the human’s presence. Although, it wasn’t just the stories that caused him to be wary. Roman could never forget the blood that was spilled that day. Blood that stained the snow scarlet red. Blood that dripped down from the gleaming silver of their weapons. Blood that doused Roman’s hair as he laid across his father’s corpse, screaming for him to wake up—

“Uh, can I help you?”

It took every ounce of Roman’s being not to claw the human’s face off, not to mention withhold a scream.

Somewhere during his reminisces, the human awoken. He sat up against the headboard of the bed, arms crossed as he glared up at Roman. He hardly looked like a threat with that greasy hair and boney frame. But Roman knew better than to assume otherwise.

His instincts howled at him that the human was a threat that needed to be eliminated. But Roman refused to be like those homines—he would not kill this human in cold blood.

“Yes,” Roman breathed in as he clasped his hands behind his back, “I need you to promise me something or least I can’t let you leave here alive.”

The human’s eyes widened. “Wh-what—?!”

Revision:

Now Roman had his own sacred tale to tell. It was one he didn’t want to repeat—one he’d rather change its ending to be anything what it was. But he could not change it. Instead, he held onto every detail, unaltered and unmodified. He would always remember the screaming, the howling of that tale.

The blood was not easily forgettable. The image frozen in his mind, not easily thawed. Of the blood that stained the snow a horrid scarlet. Blood that dripped down from the gleaming silver of their weapons. Blood that dribbled from his brother’s mouth as he howled, leading them away from discovering Roman in the underbrush. Blood that doused Roman’s hands as he laid across his father’s corpse, wailing for him to wake up—

“Uh, can I help you?”

It took every bit of Roman’s being not to claw the human’s face or to even withhold a surprised yelp. Somewhere during his reminisces, the human awoken. He sat up against the bed’s headboard, arms crossed as he glared up at Roman. With his greasy hair and boney frame, he didn’t look like a threat.

Roman’s instincts knew better. It growled at him, demanding that he eliminate the intruder that encroached on his pack’s territory. But Roman refused to be like humans and their predecessors—he would not kill in cold blood.

“Yes, actually,” Roman said, inhaling a deep breath as he clasped his hands together, “I need you to promise me something, or at else I cannot allow you to leave here alive.”

The human flinched, “Wh-what–?!”

*claps* look we did it, we gave the overall chapter more weight, because we built up to the whole concept of “Roman grew up being taught oral history by adults in his life with the expectation of passing down their stories/experiences alongside his own to future generations and wow, he has some stories he wish he could change the endings to”

Patton’s in the House

I didnt change too much in this section, other than tightening up some characterization. 

Original:

Patton clasped his hands together, “Fantastic! Now, Roman, would you be willing to check on the cinnamon rolls baking the oven? I’ll let you do the frosting!”

Roman saw past that innocent façade of Patton’s to know the paternal figure was intentionally trying to get him to leave the room. He hesitated a moment, not wanting to let Patton be alone with the human. Patton seemed to pick up on this, as his eyes grew softer and his lips silently formed two words.

Trust me.

He sighed before clearing his throat, “I will save your cinnamon rolls from the fiery furnaces and they shall be the most frostiest cinnamon rolls in all the lands!”

Roman clutched his fist in the air as he struck a triumphant pose. The human simply raised an eyebrow, expectantly unappreciative of Roman’s theatrics. Patton beamed as he leaned over to tussle Roman’s hair playfully.

“Awesome! I knew I could count on you, kiddo!”

“Patton, you messed up my hair!” Roman complained, although there was no real malice to it.

“Aw sorry, it looks like you’re a hairy situation.”

Before Roman could groan at Patton’s pun, a muffled sound erupted from the bedside. The two looked over to see a hand over the human’s mouth as he coughed.

Revision:

Patton clapped his hands together, “Fantastic! Now, Roman, would you be willing to check on the cinnamon rolls baking in the oven? I’ll let you do the frosting!”

It was a flimsy ill-disguised attempt to get Roman to leave the room. He dug clenched fists into his jean pockets. He didn’t want to leave Patton—not after what occurred the last time Patton was left alone with a human in their dwelling.

Patton placed a hand on his shoulder. His lips silently formed two words.

Trust me.

Roman trusted Patton. Time and time again, he proved his loyalty to Roman and Logan. He would not ever choose a human over either of them. He was also capable of defending himself from a human should Virgil attack him. So even if Roman disagreed with keeping a human in their house, he had to continue trusting Patton.

He sighed before clearing his throat, “Alright, I will save your cinnamon rolls from the fiery furnaces, and they shall be the most frostiest cinnamon rolls in all the lands!”

Roman clutched his fist in the air as he struck a pose of triumph. The human simply raised an eyebrow, expectantly unappreciative of Roman’s theatrics. It didn’t matter—all of it was for Patton, an indirect admission of forgiveness—of ‘I’m sorry I upset you, can we be good now?’

Patton thankfully picked up on it. He laughed as he leaned over to tousled Roman’s hair playfully.

“Awesome! I knew I could count on you, kiddo!”

“Patton, you messed up my hair!” Roman complained, although with no real malice to those words.

“Aw sorry, it looks like you’re a hairy situation.”

Before Roman could groan at Patton’s pun, a muffled sound erupted from the bedside. The two looked over to see a hand over the human’s mouth as he coughed.

Something I love writing is characters who are close enough that they don’t need to outright say some things for them to both understand where they are coming from. Also, I don’t think this will ever get picked up on by readers but Virgil coughing at this part? He was most definitely trying not to laugh at Patton’s cheesy pun so he forced a cough instead. 100% canon. 

[storybook-with-a-hug]

Marinette’s Closet Part 1

So I admit I’ve not been writing as much lately for my new chapter as I could have been. Suffering a writer’s block of sorts. However, while I haven’t been able to get into the mood to write, I have still been focusing a lot of attention onto my Fix-It Miraculously story. 

Instead of writing, what I’ve been doing is a bunch of character design. Now, this is both redesign of future heroes and new heroes that I don’t really want to get into at this point because major spoilers for my series, and also what I have the ability to share here and now with expanding what the characters wear. 

However, there are seasons and time passing and all that jazz so I’m dividing things up somewhat. Below is Marinette’s season 1 Fall wardrobe, ie, what she wears for the first few months of the story. Pajamas not included. I’ll talk about each outfit in more detail below the picture counting the top left outfit as (a) and then going across each row in order. Oh, and I literally googled “quick fashion base” and picked the first one that looked like it would work. The base was on really extreme highheels so I had to change the side of the foot in each one, but there you have it. I did it so I wouldn’t take forever worrying about posing and proportions and all of that and could just focus on the clothes.

(a) Marinette’s default outfit from the show. Cute and her, but also not much to say about it because we’ve all seen it a million times. I stated in the beginning of Origins that Marinette, the spring before the series starts, went through a “flower phase” where she was embroidering everything with flowers. So a lot of her left-over clothes from that time will have flower-print somewhere on them. Those that don’t are likely new additions to her wardrobe since spring, which I don’t think is all that unreasonable seeing as she’s a designer who mainly wears her own creations.

(b) Another official outfit of hers, though this one was from promotional art. I used it as her “dressing up” design for Adrien’s birthday when she was trying to give him his present. It’s a frilly-rimmed baby-t with red plaid dress and blue denim capris. I couldn’t make up my mind out of Marinette’s four footwear choices which one looked good with it so I didn’t end up drawing shoes in. But seeing as all pieces of this wardrobe are interchangable with the other pieces, she’ll probably end up wearing all the footwear with at least some combination of clothes.

(c) A top for warmer weather in a pretty pale teal with a pair of ripped jeans. The top is another carry over from last spring as she embroidered a bunch of flowers and leaves into the upper section. Her hair is also in twin plait braids instead of her normal pigtails. I mentioned her wearing her hair like that in a scene with Manon a few chapters back and while it’s not her usual hairstyle cause it takes time to get ready like that, when she is awake early enough and not otherwise busy, she can wear her hair like that as well.

(d) This is an example of her “business” look. It’s the sort of thing she wears when meeting with clients for her commissions, carefully selected to make her look more mature and professional and less like a little kid running a lemonade stand. She IS 13 and trying to start up her own business, remember, so to help people take her seriously, she has to dress the part. So a simple silver shirt and a jacket as well as a pair of black skinny jeans topped with wearing her hair in a bun instead of pigtails to help add to the professional look. 

(e) This one was one that I really hesitated on, because it’s not really her normal style. The colours aren’t her usual bright pastels and the aesthetics just don’t quite seem to match. But at the same time I was trying to look a little outside the box with the outfit as early teens is when a lot of people start shifting into the more niche styles as they try to define themselves and she is a huge fan of Jagged Stone, a rock star, rather than the teeny-bopper type music one would usually associate with a preppy/dreamy/hyper-feminine girl around her age. So I figured why not have her attempt experimenting a bit with her style and try a new look from time to time?

(f) In the Origins chapter, I talked about how Marinette really loves cute skirts and things, but because of her clumsiness she doesn’t want to wear them ever in public because she’s worried about tripping and flashing everybody. So instead she just has a couple of skirts that she wears only on the weekends when she’s not intending on going out anywhere because she loves them so much. This one here is a drawstring gathered skirt out of the same material that broomstick skirts are made out of, along with just a simple white blouse and a denim jacket covered in patches and embroidery. Including Jagged’s head-outline design that Luka wears on her right arm and her entire left arm being encased in a winding vine embroidery that she did last spring. There’s potential for more patches to be added in the future.

(g) Another cute skirt, this time a pink cotton skater skirt with a sleeveless blouse. On the white blouse there are embroidered a whole bunch of white flowers. 

(h) A pair of purple tights with sheer paneling on them and a top/hat that were inspired straight from Marinette’s concept art where she wore a cream off-the-shoulder dress. I changed the button on the hat to be a flower instead of a ladybug shell because Ladybug merch is only started circulating at this point in the series and Marinette purposefully is a little behind the curve on that trend because she’s trying to avoid drawing attention to the similarities. I also added some flowery embroidery to the top of the outfit. The tights were originally going to be more pink, like a sky magenta colour, but then it ended up becoming more purple when I coloured it in and at the time I was just eager to get on to the next outfit and figured I’d come back later and tweak the colour, then just never did and decided it looks fine as is. 

(i) This is just a white denim top and deep pink denim jeans. And another hat, but... the hats can go with many different tops, I just sort of picked which ones to show them on a little randomly. This hat is knitted, something Marinette made before Adrien’s scarf. 

(j) This one is a little more of a rock-and-roll look. No, that’s not a leather jacket, it’s a business suit jacket with shorter sleeves, a white tanktop and the skirt that it took me three hours to draw the little red flowers and golden vines patern on all the layers of. The tooth necklace is a real tooth and was a present from Noona Gina from her travels. 

(k) Not much to say on this one either, other than that in Origins Marinette expressed that she liked teal and pink together so that’s why I chose the colours I chose for the outfit. That, and apparently coloured denim was a big thing in the 2010s so that’s why all the technicolored pants.

(l) A chinese-inspired red jacket (look at the ties in the front) over the same white blouse as was in (g) only this time not tucked in and shorts. I know short-shorts were sort of the thing to wear with thigh-high socks during this time, but she’s also 13 so her parents didn’t want her wearing short-shorts and she compromised with mid-thigh shorts and slightly shorter thigh-high socks. Also a hat. 

(m) The grey striped part is a really thin, flowy material, the skiny jeans continue on the technicolored rainbow of denim. Marinette has multiple pieces of jewelry that she’s cycled through for longer than she’s had her earrings, she just doesn’t wear them with every outfit. 

(n) That cotton skater skirt from (g) is back with a denim shirt that she’s tied off. I strongly think there’s likely a big flower design on the back of her shirt, but I couldn’t make anything look good so I erased it and am leaving it up to the imagination of the viewers to picture what it could look like. 

(o) Same denim shirt, this time untied, and covered with a cream knit shirt and more skiny jeans, this time with flowers embroidered/silkscreened onto them. Not really sure if I like the necklace she’s wearing. Found it online and it sort of looked like the one she wore in the concept art and thought I’d put it on her here to make the outfit look less plain. Not sure it succeeded. 

(p) Just another look I found online that I thought might work. Mainly picked out because of the darker top and red scarf. I wanted her to have more coloured shirts than just those samey pale colours and this one had a nice accessory that came with it. 

(q) Black shirt covered with silver flowers and a denim skater skirt and leggings. Maybe something she’d wear outside the house because of the leggings? Still, more cute skirts and another 1hr+ to do the detailing on the top. 

(r) And lastly, a simple pink jacket over a white tanktop and skiny jeans. The jeans were meant to be the same ones as in (p) and the white tanktop was supposed to be the same one as in (j) though they ended up having different necklines when I actually looked at them together. But it’s more proof that outfit parts are switched and swapped to make different end results. 

So in grand total, that’s 16 shirts, 7 jackets (including one overalldress thing), 16 pants/shorts/skirts, and four shoe options. That’s a lot of ways to mix and match to cover three months of fall before we get into the winter clothes. Some of these clothes will carry over into winter with maybe just a change of footwear while other pieces will be put away until spring or gotten rid of as she rotates in new fashion ideas. I’ll be taking a bit of a break before starting in on her winter wear, but I figured I’d share what I had so far for anyone who happens to stumble across this and decides they’re interested. 

[bratbarzal]

On Your Side (NH13) / Chapter Six

Pairing: Nico Hischier x Fem!OC Poppy Jensen*

*I say it's an OC, it's just a name and third person POV. I use minor character descriptions because I don’t get on with writing vague reader inserts/YN for long-form, story heavy fics, but I will generally try to avoid including race and body type or really any physical descriptors. I’m always open to feedback on my writing, or how to be more inclusive.

WC: 15k

Chapter Warnings: believe it or not there's fluff in here. very very cute scenes I have to say. but obviously encompassed by angst. a fluff sandwich with angsty bread if you will. and the butter is nico's continuous pining. luke being the ultimate girls girl, wise beyond his years god bless him, the rest of the boys being soft, Nico's family being endearing, and then here we go!!! mentions of vomiting and food aversion, mentions of pregnancy & early pregnancy symptoms, I want to say there's mentions of drowning I remember thinking of the imagery and I can't remember how detailed I went with it sorry! it isn't actual drowning just like a metaphor of sorts. mentions of the birth control patch if you've ever had it you KNOW that needs a full trigger warning whoever came up with that deserves jail it's hell it's horror!! and mentions of poor parental relationships.

Series Masterlist

Previous Part (Chapter Five)

A/N: potentially fun fact the last scene in this chapter is maybe the second thing I ever wrote for this fic!! like as a concept/idea it was one of the earliest scenes in my head and it's one of my faves!! I've been dying to get to this part to flesh it out and figure out how to build to it and I'm really happy with how it turned out!! writing for families of real people is such an odd concept but I really like the differences in their parents lmao it's fun to write and compare the dynamics obviously it goes without saying I do not know these people lmao

I know the last chapter broke a couple hearts so I'll leave you guys to crack on! as always, never proofread, and as always, would love to hear your thoughts and opinions!!! all the love in my heart to anyone who messaged me this last week on anon or not or private or whatever it may be I appreciate you so much yous have been so so kind to me and it means the world 💖

Nico

If anyone were to ever ask Nico what his favourite trait of Poppy’s is, he knows for a fact he would not be able to narrow it down. She’s a culmination of all things good, has been from the day he met her, and even the things he shouldn’t like about her, he loves.

He shouldn’t like that she’s sarcastic, quick-witted - scarily so - and sometimes says things before she has the chance to properly think about them or any problems they may cause her. He remembers his first couple of years in Jersey, when he was one of the more junior players on the team, still considered new to the country and the culture, and a lot of people had underestimated how familiar he was speaking English despite his years playing in Canada and growing up learning multiple languages. They would often default to explaining things like he wouldn’t understand, like common terms or jokes told amongst a group - and he, being too polite to correct them, had always ended up feeling like an idiot for it. 

There had been one instance prepping for a media day, where he had only met Poppy once a week or so before, and she had been prepping him to be on camera, clipping his mic pack and checking the settings. 

One of the other media staff, a guy called Liam who was in his second year where Poppy was in her first and had been the one she had to initially shadow, had cracked some misogynistic joke to her about how she was messing around with controls she didn’t understand just to be able to stand closer to Nico, as if he wasn’t right there or couldn’t hear him - and then when he had seen Nico’s furrowed brow and downturned lips, had assumed he didn’t understand the joke because he hadn’t laughed.

“It’s because she thinks you’re hot!” The guy had obnoxiously enunciated every word, capturing the attention of some of the more senior assistants in the room who had rolled their eyes just as hard as Nico had.

“He’s from Europe, Liam, not Jupiter. You don’t have to speak to him like he’s some alien.” Poppy had shook her head, caring so little about the fact that Liam had seniority over her, fitting the pack into Nico’s back pocket without him even feeling it, “He understands your slimy little jokes, he just doesn’t find you funny. Nobody does.”

Nico shouldn’t have liked her speaking on his behalf as much as he did, coming to his defence with her sharp tongue and cold glare, but no one had ever picked up on how uncomfortable that kind of thing made him before. The stupid jokes and the belittling tone Liam had used toward him. Poppy saw through both.

And all of her good is even better.

Poppy is positive. He has never seen her leave a room without having caused at least one smile or laugh. She’s someone he’s seen most of the guys perk up around, seek her out for help or even mundane conversation just to lighten the load, and he knows he’ll never be able to keep track of all the times he’s gone to her for a pick me up over the years.

She’s generous. Generous with her time when it comes to her friends, always making sure to maintain plans even when she’s at her busiest. When it comes to her work, staying late to help out a colleague or finish a project so it isn’t left to the last minute. With her knowledge and experience, always there for new members of staff or additions to the team to show them all her favourite spots in the area and get them up to speed with their role.

She is patient - waits around for him when he gets stuck doing media, or held behind to see the physio, and she never complains. She’ll never watch an episode of a show they start together without him, despite the fact his schedule doesn’t often allow for him to stay up late catching up, and she doesn’t moan when she gets spoiled if it’s something that comes out weekly and ends up being a hot topic in the office, doesn’t even spoil it for him out of spite. She even pauses the tv as soon as she notices he’s fallen asleep, and she’ll busy herself doing something else until she feels like he’s rested enough to drive home. 

And, above all, she’s forgiving. If someone were to push for an answer, and they were to have done so before this whole mess happened, he probably would have said that was his favourite thing. It’s like her superpower - to be able to understand things from a different perspective without judgement or a major confrontation. It’s like her default process is to give people grace and make things easy, even if they aren’t entirely deserving of that way out.

She had done so with Nico, that night up on the roof. He hadn’t deserved her leniency, not entirely. He had expected he would have to grovel and beg, and he had been more than willing to do so, but she had wanted to avoid further heartache for the both of them, and had decided to move on. 

And sure, she hadn’t technically forgiven him at that point for the way he had treated her, not properly, but she had put him on the path to redemption, and had made it clear what was expected to make it all the way there.

She’d gone easy on him, in spite of how much he had hurt her. She’d been patient with his reasoning, generous with her time, and had done so with an affectionate glint in her eyes that even now makes his heart warm to think about.

It’s the same glint she’d had when she’d come out of that elevator and had seen him by her door. He’d watched her take him in, eyes cast over him in a concerned assessment, and he knew then that no matter what he said, no matter how he explained what had led him to leave her that morning without a word, she would have forgiven him.

She would have found some way to rationalise what he had done, and put how it made her feel to the side in the name of moving on.

And he had seen his life flash before his eyes. 

Nights of coming home to her, muscles weak, brain fogged, and she’d give him that same look and accept what little he had to offer her. She’d be patient, she’d be forgiving. She wouldn’t get mad that he didn’t have time to take her on dates or trips, wouldn’t bite back when he got snappy after a couple of successive losses and let his frustrations come between them, would resign herself to those little parts of him she’d get to herself in the summer, when he wasn’t training or travelling or trying to fit everyone else in, and would swallow down the longing for something more because she loved him. 

And he couldn’t subject her to that, no matter how much she tried to fight him on it, or tried to call him out. 

No matter how much he wanted to be better for her, how much he wanted her to change his mind, the one quality he loved so much was going to be their demise, and so he had relied on it to cling on to the one thing he can give her.

Friendship.

Even if she won’t accept it for a while. Even if she wants to tell him to leave, and to ignore his texts, and his calls, and his efforts to bump into her at work, she has to forgive him. It’s who she is. 

She’ll forgive him and they can be friends.

Eventually.

And so with the weight of her bracelet in his pocket the whole walk home that night, Nico had decided that he could take a leaf out of Poppy’s book. 

He could be patient while she came to terms with what he had done. He could be generous with the space she needed. He could be positive and push down the bubbling doubt that she’ll forgive him at all.

—

Space happens to be the one thing Nico struggles with the most when it comes to Poppy. Especially conceptualised in the way that it has become - because he can’t physically give her space, they work in the same building. They share the same friends, they end up in the same rooms, and his resolve is as weak as ever where she is concerned, especially when she’s so close, so his generosity ends up being the trait that wains first.

He will give it to himself, he has been trying. He hasn’t been texting her as much as he wants to, understanding that bombarding her with begging and pleading is not only pathetic, but could also be considered harassment. And that will do him no favours in trying to earn back her favour.

But the other night he had been up on the roof after a long day, the air cold but the evening nice, and as he looked out across the Hudson, he had remembered how Poppy had once said her favourite time of the day, and her favourite thing about where she lives, was getting to see the sunset. 

On the early winter evenings, when she’d not long gotten home from work, she liked looking out her window and basking in what she had called cotton candy skies. Swirls of pinks and greyish purples behind the rows of skyscrapers on the other side of the river, all of which reflected the lowering sun in a glimmering, golden glow. He had taken a picture and sent it straight over with the thought that she might be missing it, and he just wanted to let her know. 

Even avoiding him, even wanting space, he was hoping she would at least appreciate that.

The sentiment attached to the picture had read, Just in case you don’t catch this yourself. And as he periodically checked his phone for the rest of the night, he had realised she had probably turned her read receipts off.

At least she hadn’t blocked him.

Nico had, however, started to get creative when it came to work.

Unable to stifle the need to check up on her, or to make sure something happened to brighten her day, he had taken to recruiting the rest of the guys to help.

He should have known how easy it would be, his first enlistment being Jack, who he knew would visit Poppy often, anyway. Only, now he did so with a drink in hand. Peach iced tea if his trip to her office was anytime after lunch, and a hot chai with oat milk if it was before. Nico had initially suggested snacks, but Jack had ended up eating them, himself, which turned out to be useful when it came to bribing him for information.

According to Jack, she was doing okay. Cracking jokes, rolling her eyes at the stupid nicknames he would come up with, and overall she seemed like her normal self. No signs of insurmountable heartache - not Jack’s words, but his own deduction.

He had been surprised at the lack of questions from him, but Jack knows when not to push something, so maybe he had decided to go easy on Nico for now.

Timo had been making sure she was breaking for lunch, checking in every few days so it wasn’t obvious.

John and Bass had taken to calling dumb jokes out to her every time they saw her in the halls, just to make her crack.

Curtis and Dougie had signed themselves up for the mentoring sessions she had been chasing them for since the season had started.

She had been fine with everyone - she smiled, she laughed, she joked, she engaged in conversation - and it was like nothing had happened.

Only, when Nico had felt brave enough to attempt even just eye contact, she wouldn’t even look at him.

No matter how many of the guys reported back that she was doing fine, he could see it every time he looked at her. 

He could see it even when he wasn’t looking at her - that teary, pleading frown she had given him as she had tried to take his hand, the resigned acceptance he had seen when she’d monotonously told him that they had made a mistake, assuming she was mirroring his own sentiments, the tremble in her lip as she had waited for him to leave with her head down at the door.

He thinks about it more often than is healthy, in situations where his focus should really be elsewhere.

Like in the gym, arms shaking as he attempts to lift more than he has in a while, and Jonas who is spotting him has to intervene before he ends up getting crushed.

Like in training, adrenaline pumping as his mind races all over the place, weaving around the defensemen and making sloppy attempts to swipe the puck until he finds himself on the weaker side of a nasty check by Luke that he can’t even argue was unwarranted.

Or in important debriefs in the small team auditorium, where one of their associate coaches, Travis, is going over team strategy before they travel to play the Canes, and he really should be absorbing all the information for such a crucial game - the potential to build on their current 2 game winning streak theirs for the taking - but all he can think about is the looming distance between him and Poppy.

They’re going down to Tampa after, and then head straight into the All Stars break. He isn’t going to see her for almost 2 weeks. Isn’t going to be able to send anyone to check up on her - not without rousing suspicion at least.

He thinks having Bratter knock on her door at home might ring alarm bells.

The distracted glance Nico casts towards the creaking door of the auditorium as it opens is instinctual and fleeting, but all his senses go into high alert when he sees who comes through it. 

The guys have been right, for the most part.

She does look okay.

She looks put together - probably more than he has looked the last two weeks without her, having barely shaved and punishing himself with a borderline dangerous lack of rest - her smart casual attire is neat and co-ordinated, a buttoned up red cardigan and long, dark trousers, her hair up in a ponytail that sways with her movement, and the only indicator that she has any sort of discomfort is the slight purse of her lips where he can tell she’s chewing at the corner.

Travis has become background noise - whatever he’s saying Nico is sure he can catch up on another time - and all he can focus on is the way she watches the coach with genuine interest.

Poppy is the kind of person that gives anyone the time of day - makes them feel like whatever it is they’re saying is the most important thing in the world, and he yearns for a day where her attentions are directed his way again. 

“And Poppy is here from the Youth Foundation,” Her name is one way to get his focus back, Nico’s eyes having not left her figure since she snuck in, leaning beside the door with a binder in hand. He follows as she descends the few stairs to the bottom and moves beside Travis, holding the binder to her chest as she smiles to the rest of the guys. “They have a favour to ask of anyone with some free time that you’re willing to give in your week off, she’s more likely to convince any of you than I am so I’ll just hand straight over.”

“Thank you, Mr Green,” she flicks the binder open, and Nico finds himself holding his breath in anticipation of her looking up and accidentally meeting his eyes, even for a second. “I know you guys are well overdue some time off, and we’d never usually ask so close to the fact, but we have a clinic out in Garfield on the 29th, we’ve donated a bunch of equipment and have some money to donate for the programme they have, and we were supposed to have Patrik Elias out to present it to the kids up there but he’s been held back in Czechia and won’t make it.”

Nico fights the urge to do something stupid like shoot up and volunteer straight away - if not for the fact that he’s supposed to be giving her space and shouldn’t force himself into her good graces, then for the fact his parents will be back in town by then, and he has plans throughout the week with them. Him looking desperate is the least of his concerns.

“If any of you are gonna be around, it would just be for the afternoon, a couple pictures and maybe some skating with the kids. There’s also one of those huge fancy cheques if you’re into showboating,” she tries to sell it, and earns a few affectionate snickers, but Nico knows these guys - while they’re generous people, and he loves them all, and knows they all love her, they’re exhausted, and have been waiting too long for a week of reprieve. 

He kicks at the shin of whoever happens to be sat closest to him. Holtzy. Perfect. He knows he was planning to stay in Jersey. It earns him a glare, but it captures his attention enough so that Nico can level him with a stern look back. 

“If anyone wants to do it, just swing by my office-,”

“I’ll do it,” Alex raises his hand after rolling his eyes and acquiescing to his captain, faking a smile Poppy’s way.

“Oh,” she doesn’t mask the surprise on her face, her lips parting in shock and eyes rounding in disbelief. She looks to Travis who just gives an approving nod in response. 

And, only because he snickers in amusement, Nico kicks Dawson, too. He hasn’t sent him Poppy’s way yet, he’s overdue his turn, and it’s his own fault for laughing at Holtzy’s misfortune. 

“Me too,” Dawson sighs, raising his hand as well and kicking back at Alex when he laughs in turn at him. 

“That was easier than I thought, thank you guys, the kids will be over the moon with the two of you!”

Nico wishes he was the recipient of the smile she gives the both of them. It’s the biggest smile he’s seen her wear in recent weeks, and he can see the light reflect in sparkles in her eyes from all the way across the room. 

That should hold him off for a bit - that little bit of warmth she gives. And sure, it isn’t directed his way, but he can settle with the fact that he’s technically the cause of it. Maybe when he’s down in Raleigh or Tampa he’ll see that smile instead of the other look etched into his recent memory.

“That’s all I’ve got, I’ll leave you guys to your meeting, thanks again!”

He watches her the whole way out, until the door swings closed behind her retreating figure, and his mind races with a surge of misplaced adrenaline for the rest of the debrief.

That’s most of the guys checked off his list, now.

Dawson and Alex are going to help her out with the hockey clinic, John and Nate have been making their way through the worlds worst dad jokes for the past two weeks to relay back to her, Jack is on drink duties, Timo on lunch, Curtis and Brendan are hopefully slowly thawing the ice with cute pictures of their kids. Jonas, Dougie, Haula, Dawsy, Pally - majority of the team have been recruited on his mission to keep her spirits up. Those who haven’t yet had a task are more than willing to play along.

All except one.

His attention drifts over to a mop of curly hair a few rows down, slumped in his seat with his arms crossed over his chest, and though he can’t see his face from where he’s sat, Nico imagines it bears the same angered frown it had when he’d checked him on the ice, earlier. 

Luke is pissed, even as distracted as Nico has been lately, that much is obvious, and he needs to get him on side if he has a chance of ever fixing things with Poppy.

He had underestimated their relationship, when he’d given it some thought, before. When they had been talking about Poppy that one time on the flight back from the Capitals game, and Luke had suggested she had deeper feelings than Nico had ever previously considered.

He had assumed because he’s never seen them together much, that they weren’t as close as Poppy and Jack seem to be, but he knows now he was wrong. 

Luke can be reserved to most, cast in the ever present shadow of his older brothers and held to unfair standards, but he is quietly observant, Nico has noticed, and he clearly sees more of Poppy than he lets on.

He knows Luke is protective over her, that he cares more than he’ll probably ever say.

He hadn’t overshared something she wouldn’t have been comfortable with when they’d had that initial conversation about him and Poppy pretending not to be into each other. He had told Nico to talk to her, had called him out on suppressing his feelings for her and pushed him to take action.

And when he had encountered Nico with Talia in the elevator back in their apartment building, he had been disappointed. 

Jack had been awkward, and evasive, but Luke had a clenched jaw and a purposely avoidant gaze. 

He thinks he gets it.

Luke had encouraged Nico to pursue Poppy, and in his pursuit, Nico had ended up hurting her.

As much as he definitely blames his captain, Luke also blames himself, and Nico of all people knows how frustrating that can be. 

When Travis calls time on the meeting, and the group disperse, Nico rushes down the steps as the boys flood out of the room and catches up to Luke with hastened steps.

“I need to talk to you,” Nico falls in line beside him, a hand clapped authoritatively on his upper back to guide him off his path and toward the locker rooms.

“Can it wait? I’m hungry,” Luke huffs, trying to resist the rerouting but falling victim to one of Nico’s infamous glares.

“Don’t make me pull rank,” he sighs as he yanks the heavy door open, his free hand gesturing for him to enter while the one on his back gives a light shove, “In.”

“Look, I’m sorry for the check earlier, it was a dick move, I didn’t mean it,” Luke starts as Nico follows him into the otherwise empty room, closing the door behind him and gesturing for Luke to take a seat.

“Come on, Luke, I’m not an idiot,” Nico scoffs, “You’re pissed at me. You have been since you saw me with Talia back in our building, but you’ve got the wrong idea,”

“Your personal life is none of my business,” Luke says like it’s something he’s been taught, something he’s rehearsed, and there isn’t a doubt in Nico’s mind that he and Poppy have been the topic of conversation in the Hughes household since the day he had run into them, maybe even before. Jack has been avoiding the topic like he’d never seen it happen, giving Nico a breather where he had initially thought he would call him out - but it’s becoming increasingly clear that Luke is the actual confrontational one of the two of them.

“If you have something to say to me, I’d rather you just come out with it than check me in a practice game, Hughes.” Nico sighs, leaning against the door to block Luke’s path out and staring him down until he relents. He has never thought he would be thankful for someone checking him before, especially not in a practice game, but the minor hit has given him the perfect opportunity to clear the air.

“Fine. I don’t like how you treated Poppy,” he says, plainly, “She’s supposed to be your friend, you don’t do that to someone you care about.”

“Carry on.” Nico thinks a part of him is urging Luke to argue because Poppy won’t, and he needs to have someone he can vent to - even if it’s someone who won’t side with him. He probably prefers it that way, ever the glutton for punishment.

“If you didn’t like her the same way, you shouldn’t have led her on, she deserves better than that.”

“I agree.”

“And she-,” his eyes narrow, “You agree?”

“I didn’t break things off because I don’t like her the same way, I did it because I do,”

“I hope you understand how stupid that sounds.” Luke rolls his eyes as he throws himself into his cubby, running a hand through his curls in frustration.

“I know it might not make sense, but I’m trying to do what’s right. She deserves someone who can give her one hundred percent of themselves, who isn’t away all the time and isn’t constantly stressed out of their mind or too tired to function.” He finds himself relaying Talia’s exact sentiments, and the memory of that particular conversation makes his stomach churn. 

“I care about her too much to end up being the guy who can’t make her happy. I know you of all people understand that to some extent, Luke.” It’s one of the few flaws of making it to the elite level of their sport - the lack of balance between their career and their personal entanglements. They’ve both spent their lives wanting nothing but to win and succeed, and it’s always going to be difficult to come to terms with, but the cold, hard truth is that they can’t have everything without paying the price for it. Something will have to give, and it would be an injustice for that something to be Poppy. “It wouldn’t be fair to her to start something that I can’t put my all into. So, I agree, she deserves better.”

“You know what else she deserves, Nico?” Luke stands from his point on the bench, the inch between them seeming more than it really is when he’s dishing out home truths like punches to the gut. “She deserves to make her own decisions. She deserves for you to be honest with her and not let your ego get in the way of what she might want.”

There it is again. Luke letting on that he knows something he doesn’t about Poppy. Unease spreads throughout his every nerve ending.

He’s always been the one who knows Poppy. Who understands her. Who gets how she thinks and grasps how she feels. 

Luke might think he does, but he doesn’t. Not like Nico.

Nico, who can’t quite fathom how he’s ended up being schooled on how to treat a woman by a 20 year old. By Luke. 

“It isn’t ego,” he mutters in denial, but it’s no use. Luke is scarily prompt to retort - especially when it comes to defending Poppy, Nico knows by now. It would be endearing if it didn’t frustrate him to no end.

“Really? ‘Cause it sounds to me like you’re so afraid to fail with her that you won’t even try.”

“I don’t want to hurt her.” He knows again that’s a pathetic excuse. Poppy had called him out on it, herself. But surely the hurt now is nothing in comparison to the hurt that could be. 

The hurt that comes with the demise of an actual relationship. Of building and building and building something, putting in years of tiresome efforts only for it to be demolished just as the final brick is laid. Of the ever-growing love between the two of them wilting into something sad and lifeless.

He can take the silent treatment. He can take the avoidance.

He won’t be able to handle that.

“How’s that going for you?” 

Luke isn’t trying to be mean, he knows that, but it doesn’t lessen the sharpness of his words - the truth digging into the most sensitive parts of Nico’s skin so deep that he feels like he’s bleeding out.

Nico sits down himself, no longer blocking the exit and allowing for Luke to leave of his own accord - only, the younger boy sits beside him, heaving out a prologued sigh and giving his captain a friendly pat on his leg. 

“Just give her time, she’ll come around, and then the two of you can talk. And when you do, you owe it to her to be open about what you both want. If you can promise me you won’t do anything else to hurt her, I’ll promise you to stop checking you in practice.”

“Sounds fair,” Nico agrees, mustering up a weak smile to give to the younger defensemen before Luke stands up. “Sorry for cornering you.”

“You’re fine, I was being an idiot.” Luke shrugs, making his way over to the door, and only because he clearly can’t help himself, he stops before leaving. “You see how easy that was to admit?”

Nico usually has better aim, and he blames Luke’s speedy departure for the way the pad he throws hits the wall with a soft whack.

Frustration is a feeling Nico doesn’t think he has ever been as familiar with as he has been lately. 

He’s frustrated as a player - the team unable to keep a winning streak to save their lives, having lost both of their games on the road last week and the mentality of the locker room dwindling with every week that passes that they don’t keep their momentum going.

Frustrated as a captain, specifically for the teammates they keep dropping to injury. Jack, Timo, Eric, Pally all dipping in and out with scratches, the roster dwindling with every passing game.

Frustrated as a friend, guilt building every time he thinks about Jack becoming more reserved in the days leading up to the All Star break, his shoulder putting him out of contention to play and the team having to send Jesper as their representative in his place. 

And, it goes without saying, frustrated when it comes to Poppy - who he had hoped would be in attendance when he had elected himself to take Jesper’s place at the signing and Q&A session he had scheduled at the end of the week. When he had come all the way out to the Rock and sought her out in the Foundation offices after volunteering, he had found out she had been off sick since that day in the auditorium, so his frustrations had crescendoed to an all time high. 

Even his parents being back in town hasn’t helped - his mother more observant than he likes to think, and she has been pecking away at any attempts of a cool exterior with more questions than he thinks he’s going to be on the receiving end of at this Q&A.

Nico has never been one to complain about any kind of community event, but the thought of having to spend all day plastering on a fake smile and pretending he isn’t at his boiling point is proving to be difficult.

So, when Jessica, the media admin who had been debriefing him on what was going to be posted on the team socials, had finally finished and had left to liaise with one of her colleagues, he had sent his mother, Katja, away to grab him a drink before the signing started. 

He just needs a moment of quiet. Where he can self-level the anxiety that is currently crushing him like a bug, take some deep breaths, and mentally prepare for the overwhelming social interactions he is about to endure. 

He wishes Poppy could be there.

He had tried texting her, just to check on her, but again, she hadn’t replied, and the thoughts have been swirling into something ugly within him the longer he has gone not knowing where or how she is.

Is she actually even sick, or is this just another attempt to stay out of his way?

The breathing clearly isn’t working, he thinks. Maybe walking might help.

Or maybe walking straight into the front of the girl who is the cause of all his frustrations might help.

As soon as he sees her, he feels guilt prick at his nerves like continuous, thick needles pushing into the flesh.

When he thinks back on the weeks before, he doesn’t entirely know if he had wanted her to look worse for wear, but as he takes her in now, he realises he hadn’t.

This is the furthest thing from what he had wanted for her.

Poppy stands before him a paler version of herself - eyes sunken, lips chapped, a slight sheen to her forehead that has caused the baby hairs around there to curl up and stick to her skin. 

Her boss Elaine had said she was sick and he had selfishly spiralled into the assumption it was just another attempt to avoid any contact him, but now his chest feels heavy with a mixture of shame and worry.

She takes a moment too long to gather herself after their initial collision, and his words feel heavy in his mouth as he asks, “Are you okay?”

“What are you doing here?” Her voice is hoarse, and the way she blinks up at him is slow and fatigued. 

“What are you doing here? You don’t look like you should be working.”

“I’m fine.” She definitely doesn’t sound fine. “Where’s Jesper?

“Bratter went to Toronto to take Jack’s place in the All Stars, they didn’t tell you?” It hadn’t been a last minute decision, so he isn’t sure how she wouldn’t know already.

“Oh,” she frowns, and if he wasn’t so worried, he’d find it cute how she looks like she’s trying to recall a memory where that information had been relayed to her. “Yeah, I think they did. They didn’t tell me who’s replacing him, though.”

“That would be me.” He doesn’t point out that it should be obvious.

“That seems like overkill.” There’s a hint of familiarity that he feels at the quip, and Nico doesn’t know if she’s trying to crack a joke or trying to be rude - he doesn’t care, either way. When he notices her squinting against the light, he subtly shifts until she’s no longer facing it directly.

“I volunteered.” He admits, and he watches as realisation sinks in. He volunteered just to be near her, and if she calls him out on it, he’s in no fit state to deny it. Of course he did, she has barely spoken to him in almost 4 weeks, and if he’s being honest with himself, he’s losing his mind a little. “I was hoping we could talk after,”

“Nico,” she sighs, touching her palm to her temple and seemingly applying pressure, pinching her eyes shut as she tries to breathe through a wave of what looks like disorientation, “I really can’t deal with this today,”

“I miss you, Poppy,” he hums, and he knows it’s an asshole move, to take advantage of the current situation, of her being sick and having lowered her defences, but he knows he’ll regret it if he doesn’t take the opportunity to touch her. He tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, strokes a thumb softly at her cheek, and tries not to think too much about the way she seems to lean into it. “I’m worried about you.”

“You’re supposed to be giving me space.” She sounds defeated, and there’s a selfish part of him that hopes she is - that she is relenting to his advances and giving in - but he knows Poppy too well to assume it’s going to be that easy.

He doesn’t even like to think about how much he has hurt her. When images of that evening flash through his memory - when he closes his eyes and sees her teary ones looking back at him, can hear how she’d fought for him to listen, to figure things out together - his chest aches in a way he doesn’t think it has before. It’s relentless, and excruciating, and he hasn’t yet found a coping mechanism that gets rid of it.

Except for seeing her. When he sees her, it lessens. When he hears her laugh from around a corner, or spots her in the halls at The Rock, talking with her co-workers or perusing one of the vending machines, he can pretend he’s okay. He can pretend that they’re just not talking because they’re both busy - not because he monumentally messed everything up with her.

And now, talking directly to her, touching her, seeing her up close - despite the difference in her usually bright complexion - he can convince himself of the same. Things are okay. They’re okay.

“I also said I still wanted to be friends.” He tries, his hand still cupping the side of her face before she shakes him off.

“Except that we’re only friends when it suits you.” She accuses with a frown, a little energy seeming to flood back into her system. “And when it doesn’t, you just toss me off to the side like I mean nothing to you.”

“That’s not true, I-,”

“I really don’t feel well enough to be having this conversation right now.”

“Then when? Every time I see you, you can’t get away fast enough. We work together, we have to see each other, you can’t avoid me forever.” He knows he doesn’t deserve to rush her. He knows he has no right to be making any kind of demands, and that the situation they’re in is entirely his doing, but he can’t help himself.

He’s frustrated.

He’s desperate. 

He had thought he could give her the patience she deserves - the space she needs - but it has been proving immensely difficult, and he just wants her back.

In whatever capacity she’s willing to offer, he’ll take it - as long as her eyes meet his for longer than a second at a time and he gets to be on the receiving end of one of her heart-stopping smiles, he’ll take it.

Even if they can’t be what they were. If the texts cease, the dinners together stop, the drives home from the Rock aren’t on the table anymore - he just wants to know there’s still love between them. That when she looks at him she doesn’t only feel the crippling hurt he fears he has caused her.

“You had no problem shutting me out the last time,” she scoffs, crossing her arms over her chest and scowling up at him, “It should be like second nature for you to ignore me again.”

“That isn’t fair, it’s not the same-,”

“Poppy!” 

Nico has always loved the way his mother is enamoured by Poppy.

The first time they had met, she’d been besotted with her. It had been during Poppy’s first year with the team - his parents had come out quite late in the season, late enough that he hadn’t seen them in a while since the summer, and he was anticipating their arrival with child-like excitement. 

Their flight into Newark had been delayed, and with them coming out on a game day, he was shut in the locker room by the time they had arrived, and he had asked Poppy for his biggest favour yet in the course of their friendship.

She had agreed to it no questions asked, no favour held over him in return, and she had pretty much hosted the two of them from their arrival at the Prudential Center to when the arena had emptied.

When Nico had reunited with his parents in the family lounge, Poppy had still been with them, waiting until she saw them off into their son’s company before leaving them alone, and he had never been more grateful to someone in his life.

“Sorry to keep you waiting,” he had apologised as he embraced his father, a firm clap coming down on his back as his arms wrapped around him, and he had smiled at Poppy over his shoulder. “Did you guys enjoy the game?”

“Of course we did, we had the best company in all of New Jersey,” his mother had her own arm around his best friend, Poppy’s cheeks flushing as she smiled bashfully back at him. 

Nico had kissed his mom on the cheek and had given her a side hug with the arm not around Poppy before he moved his attention to his friend.

“Thank you for looking after them,” he beamed at her, wrapping his arms around her once his mother had released and giving her a little squeeze. “I owe you,”

“That’s alright. Your dad got a little rowdy in the second period, but other than that they weren’t too much trouble,” Poppy had shrugged, a mischievous smirk cast toward his father who gave a humoured scoff in return.

“You were yelling louder than me, Poppy,” he remarked, his accent thick and his tone fond. “Katja tell him.”

“Oh, don’t worry,” Nico chuckled, shaking his head toward his mom as she opened her mouth ready to pick a side, “I believe him, she gets creative when it comes to calling out the refs, I’ve heard it before.”

“Sorry for being passionate about my team,” she had pouted, “I’ll just sit in silence while you all get high-sticked to holy heaven next time.”

Nico had felt warmth wash all over him when he heard his dad’s loud cackle of a laugh - the kind he gave over family game nights when Nina outsmarted both her brothers, and they would turn to their father for some kind of defence, the kind of laughter filled with familiarity and affection - and had seen his mother’s crinkling eyes and dimpled smile.

“Do you need a ride home?” He had asked, swallowing down the attraction that was spiralling within him before it was too obvious to ignore. They had rode in together that morning, and he would usually drive her home if that was the case, but he had also promised his parents he would treat them to a nice meal after their long flight in.

“I’m alright, I can hitch a ride with one of the other boys,” Poppy declined, “You guys enjoy your dinner, it was really nice to meet you.”

“Nonsense,” Katja had exclaimed, a hand on Poppy’s arm as she moved to hug her goodbye, “Come with us, Nico can drop you home after,”

“We’ve been dying to hear someone tell us all of Nico’s secrets about his life over here.” Rino had joined in, egging Poppy on until she couldn’t say no.

When she had looked over to Nico, he hadn’t realised she was silently asking for his permission, too busy looking at her with a dopey grin on his face before he pulled himself together enough to nod his approval.

“Okay, yeah, thank you,” Poppy had agreed, “I just have to grab my bag from the office, I could meet you at your car in five minutes?”

“Yeah, I’ll see you in five.”

Nico had watched her go off as his mother looped her arm through his, leaning into him and watching Poppy until she disappeared through the far doors. 

“I like her,” Katja had a big, complimentary grin on her face when Nico looked down a little at her - and despite slipping into their native tongue, Nico had thought it would be obvious to anyone listening in what they were talking about just from the look on his mother’s face.

“Yeah, she’s great,” He had concurred, shaking her off his arm so that he could wrap it around her shoulders as they walked, and in a true show of his denial at the time, he had added, “A really good friend.”

He still remembers the sound of his mother’s knowing hum, that interaction between the four of them a catalyst for the feelings he had for the longest time suppressed.

Weeks ago, Poppy had asked him the last time he had wanted to kiss her. He’d told her about a night in a bar after the team had crashed out of the playoffs last year. A night where, in all the anguish and misery and regret, she had made him feel like he could breathe again. It was the last time he had felt overwhelmed by the urge to take the leap into something more with her.

The first time had been that night with his parents, when he’d dropped her back at her apartment after an evening of them oversharing embarrassing childhood anecdotes and Poppy sharing her own stories - ones she had of her favourite memories with Nico, and even ones without, letting his mom and dad into the strongroom that was her life before she met their son. 

Looking back, he thinks that night truly would have been a catalyst for his blossoming affections if he didn’t feel the watchful gaze of his parents waiting in his car while he made sure Poppy got inside safe.

He would have kissed her, he knows it.

Instead, he had returned to the driver’s seat and tried to ignore the smug grin his mother kept sending through the rearview mirror from her place in the back seat the whole journey to their hotel.

In the years since, her affections for Poppy have only grown, and so he should have expected that she would get excited the second she saw her - he only wishes her timing was better.

“Hi, Mrs Hischier” Poppy smiles despite her discomfort, the apples of her cheeks rounding and endearment sparkling in her previously dull eyes. The energy she gives to his mother is a stark contrast to that she had just been giving to Nico. “It’s so nice to see you!”

“It’s Katja, sweet girl, it’s clearly been too long since we have spoken!” His mother’s arms wrap around her, and he watches as Poppy’s body seems to melt at the touch, tense muscles relaxing and hand rubbing at her back. “Please don’t take this the wrong way, but you don’t look too good, are you feeling okay?”

She presses the back of her hand to Poppy’s clammy forehead as Nico remembers her doing so often to him as a child, gauging her temperature and casting a concerned glance over her from head to toe. 

“I’m alright, I’ve just been off sick the past week, I still probably look a little like a zombie,” Poppy chuckles, dismissively, still maintaining an eyre of warmth in the way she looks at his mother.

“Not at all, as pretty as ever, isn’t she, Nico?” His mom nudges him as if he needs any prompting to compliment her.

“Yeah,” he agrees without hesitation, and he starts to feel palpitations when her eyes glance quickly over to meet his before darting away.

“You’re a terrible liar,” Poppy huffs, and he doesn’t entirely know who she meant that for. “Did you and Rino enjoy your trip to Canada?”

Nico doesn’t know why he finds himself surprised by the way Poppy effortlessly recollects the information - a throwaway comment he had made to her in the back of that bar all those weeks ago of his parent’s whereabouts. Poppy remembers because she cares. She has always cared. Always listened to what he has to say, even if he thinks it’s irrelevant, and has always shown interest. 

He finds himself watching her as she catches up with his mother, giving tired smiles but engaging nonetheless, the conversation flowing between the two of them just as effortlessly as it had on the day they had met - where they had conversed over dinner like they had known each other for years, and Nico had blushed every time he met his mother’s eyes from across the table.

He remembers his birthday dinner with his family at the beginning of the month, where he had sat in mostly-silence and wished for her company, and he starts to wonder if it’s always going to be like that, from now on. 

If he’s always going to be longing for her. If he’s always going to feel like something’s missing if she isn’t around.

“I should go,” he hears her say, “I have to check some of the questions with the moderator and they’ll be opening the doors for the signing, soon.”

“Of course, don’t let me keep you,” his mom presses a comforting hand to Poppy’s arm, thumb rubbing in a soothing gesture before they part with goodbyes and a promise to catch up, properly, at some point. 

Nico doesn’t miss the way she hadn’t given him the same courtesy. And neither does his mother.

Her eyes narrow in his direction, and just as her lips part to no doubt call him out, a figure comes up beside them,

“They’re ready to start the signing if you are, Nico.” Jessica’s unusually perky voice rings out beside him, and he’s never been more thankful for an interruption in his life.

He hasn’t seen that disappointed glint in his mother’s eyes since he’d told her he was bringing a girlfriend home to meet her at the end of last summer, and had shown up to the house with Talia in tow.

Poppy

As backwards as it might seem to some people, the only part of Poppy’s life where she is able to seek complete solace in recent years has always been in her work.

When she had first gotten her job within the organisation - a co-op internship that covered her final year of college - she had been almost overwhelmed with pride for the first time in her life. She had always been a good student, had got into college of her own merit and hadn’t used family connections like she suspected her brother had done, and she had worked her butt off to prep for the application and interview.

And when she’d gotten the call to tell her they wanted her on the team, she had been over the moon.

She’d gotten along so well with the people she had met in the team so far, had loved their ethos and the environment at the Rock, and she couldn’t wait to build something great for herself when she got started.

She had immediately called home after accepting the position, buzzing with excitement to tell her father that she of all the alleged thousands of applicants had been accepted to work on the media programme for the New Jersey Devils, a respected establishment in one of the biggest sporting leagues in the country. She had expected he would be proud of her, too, but he had ended up heaving out a disappointed sigh, and she could hear him fold up his paper in the background before he had asked, “Hockey, Poppy? Really? What kind of success do you expect to find in such a barbaric environment?”

As much as his disapproval had hurt at that time, she credits her father’s aloofness with her happiness in her role to this day.

It turns out, she can find a lot of success in a barbaric environment if she puts enough of her heart into it.

Even back in her media days, acting as a lackey for some of the more senior guys and trudging through those first few months of hazing, she had loved her job. 

Sharing insights into the team and the sport, determined to break any stigma associated with the guys who played it and all while highlighting the way it brought pride and community to her home state, she left the building every day with a pep in her step and a giant grin on her face.

And it only got bigger when she was recruited onto the Youth Foundation team. The projects she has worked on, the people she has met, the incredible things they have all achieved together - she doesn’t think she could have gotten any luckier with her career - despite what her judgemental, uppity parents think of it.

So, when things get hard elsewhere - when she spends a little too much time with her family and goes a little stir crazy, or when she gets her heart broken by the one guy she had trusted to handle it with care, and ends up fixating on the possibility of him rekindling things with a woman he had told Poppy didn’t make him happy - she resorts to her factory settings of knuckling down and putting her work first.

Which is how, in the weeks since Nico had left her apartment that horrific night, she has attached her name to every project she can pick up. She has accepted every meeting, answered every call, returned every email, all with a smile she had felt like she was forcing at first, but has started to feel real as time has gone one.

And she thinks it’s working.

She doesn’t dread coming into the Arena - doesn’t pace the length of her office to prepare herself every time she needs to leave it, doesn’t hold her breath as she turns the corners in anticipation of seeing him, doesn’t wince every time someone knocks on her door until they pop their head in and reveal themselves.

Poppy has well and truly immersed herself in her work, and she can’t even feel the rattling of the shattered pieces of her heart anymore.

She’s too consumed with other stuff. With hockey clinics, planning fundraisers, local rink openings, development programmes, the Sweep The Deck gala, mentoring sessions, preparations for the Stadium Series in the next month. 

She should be exhausted. 

If she actually gives herself the brain power to think about anything other than work for a second, she probably would be - but she’s turned into a hammerhead shark of sorts, and she knows she’ll suffocate in all the other feelings if she stops swimming. 

If she gives even a second of her time to the constant urge to think about Nico, she’ll drown in him. In the hurt and the ache she feels when he’s even in the same room.

She has taken to pretending he isn’t there. To looking at others, immersing herself too deep in conversations that he won’t dare to interrupt, and she is actually satisfied with how she’s managed to hold herself together when it comes to the rest of the guys.

When the season had started last year, and Poppy had been avoiding Nico for the other reason over the course of those months, she had pretty much locked herself in her office during work hours, and had stayed home outside of them. She didn’t go to games, didn’t go to team events that she wasn’t working, didn’t attend birthdays or dinners or celebration trips to whatever bar could accommodate the whole team for the night. She had stopped engaging as much with the other guys - Jack had even taken to calling her a recluse if she remembers correctly - and she’s determined not to let this mess get in the way of the great relationships she has with the rest of the team. 

If not for the fact that it would be petulant for her to take out her frustrations regarding their captain with them, then for the fact that she needs the companionship.

She needs it so much that she doesn’t run from it, or even pretend like she doesn’t like their company. 

Weeks ago, if she had been coming up from the parking level with Nate Bastian, and he had tried to crack the joke, “Hey, Poppy, why are elevator jokes the best kind? Because they work on many levels,” she honestly would have scoffed and called him lame. But she had felt her lips twitching earlier in the day, and had let him boast about how he had made her smile as they walked together through the building to anyone they passed without even denying it.

The guys have been doing more for her mentality than she can ever thank them for - holding her up while her every instinct is telling her to crumble - and she couldn’t be more grateful to be a part of such a great team.

The Hughes brothers, especially. Luke, who texts her his every rambling thought sandwiched between memes and links to Tiktoks about giraffes, because he knows they make her smile. And Jack, who, despite being out of play with his shoulder, still, checks in with her every day he comes in, a drink in hand when she needs a pick me up the most, and an ever growing list of ridiculous names to call her. 

His continued visits have made her grow less weary of the knocks at her door, and so when one echoes through the room as she’s replying to some emails, she doesn’t feel the stutter of her heartbeat like she would have done last week.

“Hey, Pop,” he pokes his head into her office, fingers flexed around the door jamb as he edges his way in, empty handed, this time, but Poppy can’t hold it against him. Her day is almost finished, after all.

“What, no stupid nickname today? Did I upset you or something?” She pauses typing as she looks up at him, watching him close the door behind himself as he takes her lighthearted tone as an invitation inside.

“I did have a joke lined up about Snap and Crackle, but you’ve ruined it now actually,” he rolls his eyes playfully, throwing himself down in the chair opposite hers and flicking affectionately at his bobblehead. 

“Sorry,” Poppy gives a quick, bashful smile before going back to her work, tapping away at her noisy keyboard as she works her way through her inbox, “What’s up?”

“Was wondering if you’d seen Luke?”

“Not today, he doesn’t usually make a habit of coming down here though. Did he say he was gonna stop by?”

“Not exactly.” Jack frowns, a slight shrug of his better shoulder.

Poppy casts a confused glance his way, eyes narrowing as she watches him fidget in the seat. “Do you guys think the y chromosome is meant to get you out of ever giving a straight answer to something? What do you mean, not exactly?”

“Well, Dawsy said he’d seen him with Nico, and lately that means,” he looks as if he’s weighing up what to say in his head, and Poppy wishes the lower part of her desk didn’t block her legs from his so she could give him a quick kick to the shin, “Well, people usually come straight here after Nico pulls them to talk.”

She sighs.

She had figured as much, but the confirmation of it doesn’t make her heart ache any less.

She’d had her first suspicions when Smitty had shown her every picture she thinks he’s ever taken of his kids the other day. He’d sat beside her in the lounge while the team and staff had been waiting for some sort of safety meeting - one she hadn’t even got to focus much on because he had talked her ear off for almost an hour until he was finally pulled away for some other responsibilities. 

And then Jonas had come by her office - something he had literally never done before. He had found Poppy working on a project, brainstorming with post-its on her cleared floor, and had waited around until she had finished - chipping in little ideas here and there for a presentation on the Learn To Play programme and using his 6’2 stature to take an aerial photo of all her sticky notes that Poppy never would have been able to get right, enabling her to clean them away and tidy up after herself before she finished for that day. It wasn’t that she minded his company, he’d actually been a massive help, but she had this nagging feeling that he would never come see her of his own volition.

Then there was Holtzy and Dawson volunteering for the hockey clinic in the debrief earlier like they were being held at gunpoint and forced into labour.

Nico has put them all up to it.

Even when he’s giving her space, he can’t leave her be.

“So what you’re saying is he’s abusing his position of power to get you all to come talk to me,”

“I don’t know if I’d phrase it like that,” Jack scratches awkwardly at the back of his neck, and she only feels a slight pinch of guilt. She knows he had a habit of coming to see her before all of this, but his visits have definitely increased over the past few weeks - so, he isn’t entirely innocent, either. “Maybe he misses you?”

“Maybe he should have thought about that,” she mutters, leaning onto her desk and pressing her palms into her closed eyes to relieve the headache that’s starting to build. 

Distracting herself with work had been going so well.

“You know we can’t talk about this, Jack,” she sighs, “He’s your captain, it’s not fair of me to vent about our situation to you of all people.”

“Ouch,”

“You know what I mean. If it was anybody else, I’d come to you for advice, but you guys are a team, I’m just-,”

“Don’t finish that sentence, Poppy,” Jack rebukes, sitting up straight in his chair and levelling her with a stern look, “You’re our friend. Even if Nico is asking the others to check up on you, they wouldn’t do it if they didn’t care about you. None of us want a repeat of the start of the season, okay, we just want to know you’re alright.”

“I appreciate you saying that,” Poppy gives a weak smile, the kind that doesn’t quite meet her eyes, “I just don’t want anybody taking sides, I know Luke’s been off with him about the whole thing,”

“That’s probably where he is now,” Jack realises, “He did get a little rough in practice before.”

“Yeah, I heard,” she says, knowing Luke and Nico had a collision earlier that had been the talk of the office all morning. “Look, I love you guys for it, but I don’t need babysitters. I just wanna move on. And you can tell Nico that, the next time he tries to force you out here with.another iced beverage just to keep me company or whatever.”

“Well, they go on the road tomorrow, so you should get some peace and quiet around here.” Jack still seems solemn at the thought of the team travelling anywhere without him, but she has tried one too many times to talk to him about it and, every time, he has shut her down. He’ll talk about it when he’s ready, and if she’s making a point of not wanting to be pushed on a subject, she isn’t going to do the same to him, even if her instincts are telling her to wrap the guy up in a bear hug and tell him everything will be okay. “I’ll leave you to your work, anyway, I’ll be around until the weekend if you need me, Pop. I promise I would be bringing you drinks even if he wasn’t asking me to.”

He pushes himself up from the seat with his good side before retreating back towards the door, and Poppy can’t let him go without at least attempting to cheer him up. He never usually leaves this quick, always finds some reason to hover and affectionately irritate her just a little - but she can tell he’s done figuring out reasons to linger around the arena for the day.

“I would have laughed, by the way,” she calls out to him, causing him to pause half way out and look back, a questioning brow arched her way. “Snap, Crackle and Pop would have been a good one, it’s funny.”

“They’re all funny, Poppy.”

She really is losing her mind.

As if the universe is playing some gigantic, cruel joke on her, Poppy’s promised peace and quiet while the team have gone on the road has turned into her shut in her apartment with every single curtain drawn, wrapped up under a mountain of covers to combat the shivers, and a leg poking out of them to alleviate the hot flushes - all while battling the most crippling waves of nausea she has ever experienced in all of her adult life.

She had gone home from work on Wednesday and had invited Nia around, hoping her best friend’s anger around the Nico situation had dwindled enough that she wasn’t going to harp on about it all night, and they could enjoy some movies and dirty takeout like they were back in college without Poppy having to even think about anything else.

Uptown Girls had been playing on the TV, empty containers of Korean Hot Pot had littered her coffee table, and Nia had fallen asleep sprawled out across the couch when Poppy had first started to feel off.

She had been watching Brittany Murphy and Dakota Fanning swirling around in the teacup ride, and had started to feel like her own living room was spinning.

She had barely made it to her bathroom before she was puking her guts up, waking Nia in the process who had spent the next hour holding her hair back before she tucked her into bed.

Poppy had called in to work the next morning. She had missed even watching the game against Carolina, could barely remember a solid half an hour of consciousness between that Wednesday night and Saturday morning.

All she remembers is vomiting, Nia checking in after work, bringing an abundance of electrolyte drinks and trying to get her to eat before she had to leave again She recalls burning bagels she had forgot she had left in the toaster, vomiting again at the smell of the burned bagels, and having a series of the most absurdly vivid dreams she’s ever experienced in her life. 

All of which had one common theme.

Nico.

Dreams where she’s swimming in a large, unidentifiable body of water. It’s cold, and she is exhausted, and her limbs ache from treading water and trying to stay afloat. It’s mostly dark, sometimes lit by the moon, the reflection of which shimmers in her path to something in the distance. And she’s stretching, reaching out, desperately kicking her legs to get to whatever it is until she realises it’s him, and he’s swimming away, making it a thousand times harder on her.

Dreams of her stood at the door of her apartment, the repeated knock on the other side echoing on and on as she scrambles to look for the keys to unlock it. It’s a pattern she thinks she recognises, a rhythmic knock that only he has used before, but she can’t get the door open with all her might, and her keys are nowhere to be seen. 

Dreams of their fated night together, only this time it’s like she’s on the outside looking in, watches the two of them in the throes of passion, only when she takes a proper look, he isn’t into it like she is. Or there’s another version where she isn’t herself at all. She has much lighter hair, and mutters out profanities in German as Nico presses sweet kisses into her lips and cradles her face lovingly. She’s Talia, and he looks as happy as ever when she is.

Despite the almost 3 days of round the clock sleep, she has never felt so exhausted in her life.

When the nausea fades ever so slightly, and she gets enough strength in herself to get up - to eat, to drink, to function like a normal human being, she feels sluggish and weak, and like she hasn’t had a moment’s rest in months.

Nia had been checking in, surprisingly not sick herself even though Poppy assumes her bug came from the takeout they shared - but Nia is vegetarian, so she had thought that might have explained it. She had been making sure Poppy remained hydrated, and continued to eat despite the continuous waves of nausea that kept coming back. She had done her grocery shopping, stocking her refrigerator with a bunch of different juices and smoothies, and buying her a bunch of fresh fruit, some bread, some yoghurts, pasta, crackers, plain chips, all the things that would hopefully keep her energy up and her nausea down.

And it had taken her a week to recover to a point that she felt like she could work again. She probably shouldn’t have forced herself back when she wasn’t feeling, or looking, 100%, but she had become so used to using her job as a coping mechanism, that regaining the slightest bit of her energy had her spiralling a little mentally, and she couldn’t take being at home any longer.

She had known that Jesper had his Q&A event, and had to stop by the Rock to pick up some of her files before making her way over - but that trip had proved to be more trouble than it was worth, and she had ended up getting herself all mixed up when she had returned to her office and had ended up dry heaving in the bathrooms when she caught a mix of smells walking through the hallway on her way in.

She had wanted to get some prep work done - approve the questions, meet with the photographers, catch up with Jess from Media, but she had ended up hurled over the toilet bowl for a good hour until she felt somewhat better, and was in so much of a rush to get over to the event that all she had managed to do to pull herself together was throw her hair up and hope that chomping on a breath mint wouldn’t trigger her senses all over again. 

She felt like she was fresh out of The Walking Dead.

She had to get an Uber over, had sat with her head out of the window like some kind of dog to alleviate the sweat that had broken out from her rushing around, and by the time she made it - she was so out of sorts she barely could remember why she was there.

And then she had bumped into Nico.

And she hates that she had felt a little better.

She hates that she found comfort in the fresh smell of his cologne, or the soft touch of his hand to her skin. She hates that the sound of his voice had quelled the rapid thumping of her heartbeat, and that it felt so good just to be in his presence, she had almost forgotten how much she had been hurt. How much he had hurt her.

She hates how she had felt obliged to pretend everything was okay in front of his mother, the sweetest woman on planet Earth embracing her like she was her own daughter, wrapping her up in a shroud of worry and sheer maternal instinct.

And she hates how all of those feelings have lingered throughout the afternoon. As she had watched him engage with his fans during his signing, big dimpled smiles sent to tiny children drowning in jerseys way too big for their small frames, and all adorning his number on the back. As she had watched Katja as the event unfolded, eyes sparkling with pride for her son and everything he has accomplished. As she’s stood and watched him answer questions she knows the answers to like she knows her own favourite food.

Where is your dream vacation destination?

He wants to visit Costa Rica.

What is your favourite sport outside of hockey?

He loves Tennis, loves Roger Federer, a real idol for him as a kid growing up in Switzerland, but also loves soccer, which he always says with an uncomfortable twist to his lips, because his father used to play.

What does he miss the most about home?

His family. His siblings. She probably knows more about Nina and Luca than she knows about Oliver, at this point.

“What’s your favourite thing to do in Jersey when you’re not playing hockey?”

“Uhh,” Poppy watches as Nico rolls his shoulders, his face pensive as he ponders the question, “It depends when we get time off. If the weathers nice, Jersey has some nice beaches, sometimes we go in a group and hang out,” he answers, and just before he carries on, his eyes flicker over to Poppy, meeting hers and holding her gaze until she looks away. “But if it’s when we’re playing I try to spend any downtime with friends. I have some really great friends here and I think that helps me destress a little, just being around them, going out for food and drinks and stuff. Some of my favourite people I have met while I’ve been living here.”

Poppy doesn’t dare look back up, her pulse throbbing in her temples.

“Well that’s a perfect segue into the next question, who’s your best friend on the team?”

She doesn’t stick around to listen to him skirt around that answer, pushing herself discretely through the doors back into the room that the signing had taken place in and busying herself packing up what she can without any help. 

She needs to carry on working, needs to stop thinking, needs to stop feeling so many things. Needs to be somewhere else, where she can’t look at him, can’t admire the way the deep brown of his irises shine when he smiles, or how one of his eyebrows does that cute little hop when he speaks for a little too long, or how she thinks she can still feel his hand on her face even though it’s been at least a good couple of hours since they had spoken by now.

She doesn’t realise how quick she’s moving around until the room starts to spin, and she stumbles a little into a table before steadying herself on one of the chairs.

“Hey, Poppy, are you alright?” The words are spoken in an accent she’s always found comforting, only the voice is different. Softer. Feminine.

She looks up to see Nico’s mom moving closer, concern causing her eyes to go round and her brows to furrow, and the soft, gentle touch of her hand to Poppy’s arm has her stuttering in her response.

“Y-yeah,” she breathes, “Just got a little dizzy.”

“Are you sure, do you need to sit down?”

“I’m okay, honestly,” she smiles, despite the way Katja’s warm, caring eyes mirror those of her son and make Poppy’s chest ache just a little. “I haven’t really eaten much today, I just got a little lightheaded, I’ll be fine once we’re done here and I can go home and eat.”

“Here,” Katja reaches into her purse, digging around before she pulls out some sort of granola bar, “I got this for a snack on my flight and didn’t eat it, you can have it to keep you going.”

Poppy can hardly decline the motherly gesture, and takes the snack with a thank you before unwrapping it and taking a cautious bite. She probably isn’t doing herself any favours, the nausea creeping up when she chews on a bit of dried fruit, and the unexpected flavour immediately triggers her stomach. She’s been sticking to crackers and dry toast, and hasn’t really eaten anything sweet in a week - the combination of the fruit and the syrupy coating making her feel so uneasy she has to sit down. 

“You’re still sick?” Katja sits beside her, watching over her in the way only a loving mother could, concern etched upon her beautiful features and a tilted head examining Poppy from head to toe. 

“I usually shift bugs a lot quicker than this, but I think the not being able to eat and the exhaustion is making everything worse.”

“You aren’t sleeping, either?”

“Technically I might be sleeping too much.” Poppy takes another bite, trying to put her mind over the matter, knowing that it should actually make her feel well enough to get through the rest of the event to have something in her belly. “But I keep having these crazy dreams, and they’re so vivid that I don’t feel rested at all when I wake up, even if I got enough hours in. Then I just feel anxious and it makes me more tired.”

Katja nods understandingly, a knowing smile plucking at her lips until her cheeks dimple, just like Nico’s do. “How many weeks?”

“Have I been sick?” Poppy asks, too busy trying to ignore the sickly sweet flavour on her tongue to notice the woman sat beside her shaking her head, “Just last week. I think it was bad takeout or something, combined with work stress probably-,”

“How many weeks are you into your pregnancy, Poppy?” She chuckles, a gentle hand placed on Poppy’s lap. “You don’t have to pretend to me.”

“My-,” Poppy covers her mouth as she swallows a hardly-chewed bit of granola, “I’m not-,” she struggles a little with her words, cringing at the way she can feel it going down her throat, and clears it with an awkward cough when she can, “Pregnancy?”

“Oh Goodness, I’m sorry,” Katja’s eyes widen in alarm, the hand on Poppy’s knee squeezing apologetically, “I just thought, the dreams, the sickness, the exhaustion, that’s how it started for me with all 3 of my children.”

“Oh.” At least she isn’t the only person Nico has ever caused to have such torturous dreams, she thinks. “No, I’ve just had a bug, I’m pretty sure it’s gonna clear up,” she says, her voice much smaller as she continues to speak through trembling lips, continues to grow more unsure of her words as something akin to dread settles in the pit of her stomach. “And this is like the aftershocks of being sick, or something, one last hurrah for the germs.”

“Of course,” Katja nods, giving Poppy’s knee a comforting rub before placing her hands on her own lap, a sheepish look given as she makes eye contact, the same dark eyes she’s been dreaming about looking right at her. “I would never usually assume, I swear you don’t look it, it was just my first thought when you mentioned the sleep. It just took me right back, my pregnancies were all like that. Heavy sickness, exhaustion, even in my bones I felt tired, and the dreams were crazy, especially with Nico, it was like full movies playing out in my head every night for the whole 9 months.”

“I never knew that was a thing.” Poppy has obviously heard of morning sickness. She’s heard of expectant mothers being exhausted, their bodies worn out from the oh-so-minor task of creating life, but she hadn’t ever heard anyone talk about dreams being an indicator of pregnancy.

“Babies make your body do crazy things.” She gives a reminiscent chuckle, and Poppy notices her lose herself a little in the memory, warm eyes melting with the recollection. “But at least you don’t have to worry about that.”

“Right.” The empty swallow Poppy takes next hurts more than the granola had before, the scratch of the cereal a minor irritation in comparison to the lump currently forming there. “What other symptoms did you have?”

“At the start, food was my enemy. Rino used to have to make me smoothies to get all my vitamins in. You wouldn’t think with the appetite my boys had growing up that they would have made me fear eating so much, but it was bad. I always envied the women who just had a little morning sickness.”

Poppy feels her eyes well up - more so at the way Katja’s eyes glint with pride and love when she talks about her family than anything else. It’s beautiful. Even recalling how sick her babies had made her, Poppy can tell from the look on her face that her pregnancies brought her unadulterated joy.

She remembers when Oliver’s wife, Kimberley, had been pregnant with their first son. They had lived in Jersey, still, back then, and family dinners were a staple every Friday night. They were all sat around the dining table back at the Jensen house, and Kimberley, God bless her, had misguidedly asked Priscilla what her pregnancies were like. 

“Hell.” Poppy’s mom had said, sipping at her wine and looking over the glass at Oliver with a measured glare. “He gave me uneven breasts and dry skin,”

“Mom,” Oliver had grunted in disgust, a protective hand reaching out to take hold of his wife’s.

“And she,” Priscilla gave an accusatory point in Poppy’s direction, “Gave me thin hair and postnatal depression. But she evened my breasts back out, so there’s a silver lining, I suppose.”

Kimberley hasn’t made the same mistake of seeking motherly advice since then. 

“And Nina made me have super-human scent, I could smell things from floors away.”

Poppy can barely look at her anymore.

After she’d spoken to Nico when he’d turned up before, she could still smell him from across the room. And she hadn’t been able to step foot in the common area in her office when she’d dropped by to pick up her files earlier, thinking she could smell someone’s microwaved food and feeling like she was about to vomit. She has only been able to nibble at dry crackers all week just to avoid eating or smelling anything that would set her off.

But that’s the bug, right? She’s been sluggish, she’s been tired, running hot all week, and her body has constantly ached, especially-

“I should get all this stuff packed up,” Poppy shoots up from her seat, thankfully able to suppress the dizziness. “I think I feel better, thank you so much for keeping me company.”

She shouldn’t hope so much that she isn’t being rude, shouldn’t expect or want Katja to hold her to high esteem, but she finds herself cringing at her quick subject change, and caring a little too much that it will make her think less of her.

Her son doesn’t want her to be a part of his life in that way, Poppy thinks, so it shouldn’t matter what Katja feels about her. Not anymore.

“That’s okay, Poppy, thank you for listening to me reminisce. It was nice. Nico usually gets too embarrassed for me to talk about stuff like this.” Katja follows Poppy up, mirroring her to help her pack up the rest of the merchandise that hadn’t been bought or signed.

“I don’t think he could ever be embarrassed by you.” Poppy chuckles despite herself, defending him like it’s second nature, even though she knows Katja wasn’t trying to put him down in the first place. He’s her son, for crying out loud, Poppy thinks, she doesn’t need some random girl he works with acting like she knows him any better than his own mother. “He probably just doesn’t want to think about ever making you uncomfortable, even as a foetus or whatever.”

Katja gives that same knowing smile she had worn just before turning Poppy’s world upside down mere minutes ago. The smile that would be patronising on anyone else, but the warmth in her eyes holds nothing but understanding and appreciation.

“He’s a sweet boy,” she remarks, proudly, “I never thought of It like that."

“Yeah, you raised a gentleman for sure.” Poppy had considered that it would feel more like a lie when the thought had come to her head, but as the words leave her mouth, she finds comfort in them.

Despite how much he had hurt her, she still knows Nico’s heart. She knows he cares deeply, knows he is selfless and warm, and loves with everything in him. He just doesn’t love her - not how she wants him to, at least - but she can’t hold that against him forever.

The words weigh a little heavier when the situation dawns on her, but she tries not to get ahead of herself. Not again.

She can’t be pregnant. That’s insane. 

And she can’t rack her brain trying to remember if either of them had protected themselves with his mom sat right in front of her, she knows for a fact she can’t suppress the heat that rises up her neck at the memory - she may as well wave a gigantic flag that reads Hey, I had sex with your son!

“We’re heading for dinner when he’s finished here, would you want to join us?” Katja asks, motherly concern etched upon her features, and Poppy’s heart warms at the gesture in spite of the panic rousing in her chest.

“That’s alright,” she shakes her head, guilt plucking slightly at her with the telling of the minute lie, “I have plans with another friend.”

“We’ll be going home next week, so there’s plenty of time to catch up, if you’re free at all.”

Poppy can’t help but relent with a soft smile, nodding at the suggestion without overthinking it. She’d accidentally gatecrashed a couple lunches Nico and Katja had together in some of her previous visits, and she was always so welcoming and kind - it would hardly be putting herself out if she were to do it again. “I’d like that,”

“If you’re busy, Nina and Rino will be over for the Stadium game, don’t let them convince you to come out when I’m not there.” She jests with a pointed finger, and Poppy finds herself laughing despite her nerves. 

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Good girl.” Katja reaches out and pinches softly at Poppy’s cheek, “Make sure you keep drinking plenty, and eating too, even if you feel sick you should try make sure you’re keeping your energy up. Try soup with lots of vegetables and bread. You can make it in a big batch and freeze it.”

Poppy can’t remember the last time her own mother had cared about her like this - not without belittling her, at least. When she’d spoken to her mom last week, had told her she was off work sick and couldn’t come over at the weekend, she had heard her roll her eyes over the phone. She’d been told that this is where eating poorly gets her, and that if she was keeping on top of her supplements and vitamin shots, she wouldn’t be so prone to illness. 

Even as a grown woman, with her own career, her own life, her own home, she still feels like a berated child when it comes to her mom. 

Nico’s mom makes her feel child-like in an entirely different way. In a way that’s warm and comforting, a way that wouldn’t give her anxiety every time her name comes up on her phone.

“I will, thank you for looking out for me, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it, Katja.”

Kindness comes like a second nature to Katja - to all members of the Hischier family she has encountered thus far - and a pang of jealousy and longing hits her at the realisation that some people have just been raised around this level of benevolence their whole lives, and think nothing of it.

Though, she knows Nico appreciates it.

Katja departs back through the doors into the Q&A with a soft smile and an enthusiastic wave, and Poppy waits until they have closed properly before she retrieves her cellphone from her back pocket.

Frustrated at the way it refuses to identify her face, she prods her fingers into the screen, typing in her passcode and swiping until she finds her calendar app. 

She knows she had an appointment scheduled in December with her gynaecologist. She had been in the middle of trialling a new contraception back in October - a sticky patch that had made her bleed continuously for 3 weeks and turned her into a raging nightmare to be around - and had stopped using it despite the 6 week recommendation she had been given, figuring she’d just wait out the rough periods until her next time she was booked in and speak to the doctor about it. But she’d been so busy in the back end of last year, she doesn’t remember how long it’s been since she stopped. 

Her eyes widen when she locates the appointment, clicking into the date, December 15th and reading the notes she left in there.

NEED TO RESCHEDULE!!!! busy w/ work, gynae breaks 4 xmas 22nd, comes back Jan 2nd.

She remembers the phone call as soon as she reads it. She had cancelled instead of rescheduling, knowing she was picking up extra work and would be busy until pretty much after the Christmas break. She was supposed to call in the new year. She’d gotten distracted. She hadn’t thought it was an emergency, it wasn’t like she thought she would need it for contraceptive purposes. And her periods hadn’t even been that bad since she stopped using it. Light flow, 28 day cycle, barely any cramps. She’d even been keeping a track of it, herself. She had nothing to worry about, which is probably why she hadn’t remembered to book herself back in. Hadn’t thought to start taking any other birth control in the meantime.

Her Cycle app is the next stop, flicking through the dates until she realises she was on her period after Christmas, and that the 10 or so days after that had ended were marked another colour, given another meaning.

She can feel her heartbeat in her ears. 

No, no, no.

This isn’t happening.

She’s jumping to conclusions.

It’s just a sickness bug from the takeout.

The dreams are just her broken heart playing tricks on her.

She isn’t pregnant.

She can’t be pregnant.

Next Chapter

Taglist: @alwaysclassyeagle @bunbunbl0gs @idgaf-if-youre-here @youflowerr-youfeast @thearchersstuff @bellsdi0r @wonderheartz @jjgsunflower @butterflies35 @kenziepickle @josierosie @laheyxlover @mrsmattytkachuk (sorry if your tag hasn't worked btw)

[tapping-away]

My take on a potential Santa Clarita Diet season 4, in the form of episode synopses because I’m terrible at committing to writing long things, but I also really wanted to explore how a fourth and final season could have gone. Let me know what you think of it.

Santa Clarita Diet S4

1. Joel is now a zombie; things are pretty good, he’s a bit looser, a bit more carefree, slight undertones of being a bit more dangerous than anticipated. Sheila and Abby decide to keep a close eye on him (sorry I didn’t go into a lot of detail here, wasn’t sure how to start it all off)

2. Sheila and Abby think maybe things will be fine; it takes some getting used to, but they end up having a lot of fun and think that’s just how it’ll go; Joel gets his motorcycle back out and starts using it; he and Rick talk motorcycles, and Joel is revealed as bisexual as he flirts with Rick. He goes for a ride and comes back at night, when no ones awake, covered in blood under his helmet and jacket; there’s a report on the news the next day of a brutal crime scene and a missing person, Joel turns the tv off before anyone else sees it

3. Abby begins questioning her relationship with Eric and struggles to figure out how she feels for him; learning her father is bi has made her start to consider other options she hadn’t had time to consider before then; Sheila learns about the murder that happened in the next city and is starting to worry; she goes to their storage unit to get more food and is shocked to find there’s another body in there; Joel reassures her that it was a bad person and that it wasn’t planned, but it worked out; Sheila can’t argue when she knows she’s done the same; She keeps it from Abby

4. Abby is flirted with by Winter who then asks her out and is uncertain how to respond. She tells Winter she’ll let her know; Eric notices acting odd when he comes by and Abby tries to steer the conversation away, to Eric’s confusion; Sheila tries to talk to Joel about where he was two nights ago and he says he’d just been out riding until he ran into a supposed drug dealer who he killed; Sheila asks Anne and Rick about the bloody crime scene that happened and what they know about the missing person, she learns it was someone from Joel’s high school and gets further suspicious of her husband; Joel says he had nothing to do with it and gets angry that Sheila suspects him, and Abby overhears while on her way to talk to her parents about things; Joel storms out when Abby starts questioning him as well. That night Joel pulls up outside an apartment building, he takes off his helmet and grins

5. Joel doesn’t come home the next day and Sheila and Abby are getting very concerned, they talk to Eric and try to get back in contact with Dr Wolf. Learning that they found the reason for the metamorphosis, the clams, Dr Wolf decides to look into them and attempt to figure out a true cure. Sheila goes looking for Joel with Abby and Eric, and is concerned when she’s a tv displaying news of another reported bloody scene with no body in sight. Joel is revealed to be at Ron’s place

6. While at Ron’s, Joel starts questioning him, revealing that he thinks Ron or someone Ron turned is behind the murders happening in town. Ron tries to deny it but Joel terrifies him into revealing that he turned Chris and Christa, he doesn’t know their connection to the Hammonds but did tell them everything about being undead. Joel remembers what Sheila said about the first person who got killed being from their high school and realizes Chris and Christa are responsible. He threatens Ron with death if someone else dies because of what he did or if Sheila or Abby end up hurt. Ron is left terrified and makes a phone call.

7. Dr Wolf calls Sheila and tells her she managed to locate some of the clams and is running tests. She posits the theory that the undead could possibly be able to consume the clams instead of humans, after seeing a clam ingest a finger of an undead person. Sheila is excited at this prospect but still hopes to find a cure. Abby and Eric talk about what’s been going on after Eric sees Abby staring at Winters name in her phone. Abby admits she isn’t sure about who she is anymore or how she feels about him, and Eric- while clearly disappointed- tells her that she should take the time to figure things out and that he’ll always at least be her friend. They hug but before Abby can do anything with the number, Joel finally returns. She runs up to her dad to confront him, and follows him into the house with Eric. Sheila thinks it’s only Abby and starts talking about Dr Wolfs findings before she sees Joel. The episode ends with them all looking at each other

8. Sheila tries to make up an excuse to keep Joel from realizing she is looking for a cure, uncertain of how the new him would react, and is shocked when he seems almost hopeful about the idea of not having to murder people anymore. Abby demands that Joel say where he’s been and if he had anything to do with the murders, to which Joel is still angry they suspect him but tells them that he went to Ron’s to ask if he had anything to do with it. He reveals that Ron turned Chris and Christa and told them everything, and that he thinks they’re behind the recent murders happening. Sheila wants to tell Anne or Rick but Joel is worried about what would happen if they did, as weapons won’t work and it could result in zombies being discovered by the police. Eric reminds them that that might happen anyway if there are any clues found that lead to the true culprits. Joel and Sheila decide they’ll have to kill Chris and Christa, but Abby doesn’t want to leave Christian an orphan even if she hates him. The family are unsure what to do.

9. It’s two days later and the Hammonds are still undecided on what to do; meanwhile there have been two more murders that have occurred- making four total- of someone from their high school. Anne is getting suspicious of the fact the Hammonds went to school with the missing victims, but her faith in Sheila has her believing that it’s a devil of sorts trying to go after Sheila. Abby meanwhile decides to call Winter after deciding she wants a break from all the weird shit happening. She sets up a date for that same afternoon and ends up kissing her. Abby finally gets a chance to talk to her dad about the fact he’s bi and discuss her own uncertainty of where she’s at. The two reconnect over the conversation as Joel shows he’s still her dad even if he’s different, just like Sheila is still her mom. Cut to Dr Wolf in her lab as she manages to synthesize a cure that completely reversed the undead state

10. Sheila talks with Joel about Abby and about what they should do. He says they’ll figure something out and that Abby will be fine. Eric comes in at the same time Abby appears and it’s a bit awkward , but Eric reveals that Dr Wolf is on her way there with a synthesized potential cure and with some of the clams in a farm to see if they can eat them instead of people. The Hammonds are overjoyed at the idea of getting anywhere closer to normal, but before they can get too excited there’s a knock at the door. Joel goes to answer it and is promptly stabbed in the chest and shoved out of the way to reveal Chris and Christa, who close the door behind them. They reveal to the Hammonds and Eric they are the ones behind the murders and that Ron called them after Joel left to warn them that he was on to them. Joel, after yanking the knife out, asks them what exactly they plan to do. Chris says that they are going to frame the Hammonds as the murderers, kill them, and set the house on fire to make it look like they went on the run after disposing of evidence. Abby tries to get them to see sense, tells them to think of their son, but the two seem indifferent to what may happen to Christian. This makes Joel and Sheila furious, and Joel tries to stab Christa- who’s closer- with the knife, but Chris manages to pull a gun on Eric before Joel can do more than cut Christa’s face. Abby is terrified and Eric tries to tell her it’s okay, but Chris hits him with the gun to make him be quiet. As this is all happening, Dr Wolf arrives outside but hears the commotion and tries to figure out what to do. She notices Rick in a police car next door. Inside a stalemate is happening as the Hammonds try to get Chris to release Eric. A knock at the door interrupts them all.

11. Chris and Christa tell them to answer the door, as the fact their cars are outside would make it suspicious if they don’t answer. Joel goes to the door and finds Dr Wolf on the other side. She hurries to pretend to be someone from the neighborhood and makes conversation while subtly asking Joel what’s happening through her phone text. Joel mouths the word ‘zombies’ at her and gestures to the newspaper sitting at their door with the murders on the front page. Dr Wolf seems to understand and opens her briefcase. She hands Joel a syringe and mimes poking it in the neck. Joel realizes she wants him to use it on Chris or Christa to because Dr Wolf said that previous tests resulted in death of the clams and that working tests still resulted in pain during the transformation back. She also gestures at Rick next door and Joel nods at her, telling her ‘You’d be better off asking my neighbor Rick for help about that kind of thing.’ Agreeing to her getting Rick to help. Joel closes the door and hide the syringe in his back pocket, before walking back. Outside Dr Wolf makes her way quickly to Ricks house and knocks on the door, proceeding to tell him that she thinks someone dangerous is in the Hammonds house. Back inside Joel returns and says it was someone new to the neighborhood asking for directions, and that he sent her away, tacking on that she introduced herself as a doctor or something so the others know who it actually was. Joel moves towards Sheila and Abby and shows them the syringe, while Chris and Christa talk about what to do next. Joel catches their attention telling them to let Eric go and take him hostage instead, saying that a bullet to the brain is just as effective on him as it would be on Eric. Christa doesn’t think it necessary but Chris overrides her in an urge to have his old rival in such a vulnerable position. Joel walks forward and suddenly yanks Eric out of the way before jamming the needle in Chris’ neck. Chris’ gun goes off as he collapses in pain. Joel turns to go after Christa next but she’s coming at him with the knife, right before she can stab him another shot goes off and Joel turns to see Sheila holding the gun Chris had. As Christa falls dead, Rick comes in with Dr Wolf and takes control of the situation. He asks what’s happening and the Hammonds tell the truth, for once, that the murderers aren’t them and that they were about to be framed. Rick calls in backup after cuffing Chris, telling the Hammonds that he’s glad none of them were hurt. They all hug, including Eric, the screen fades to black. Two months later shows things back to normal again, as Abby comes down in the morning to tell her parents she’s going out with Winter on a date and has plans with Eric later as well and so won’t be home till night. They tell her to have fun, and not to do anything they wouldn’t do. The scene ends with Joel and Sheila shown either eating normal food or eating the red clams, implying the cure didn’t work or that they didn’t take it.

[wwinterwitch]

ST CHARACTERS + TAYLOR SWIFT SONGS

summary: taylor swift songs that represent what a relationship with these characters might be like

includes: robin buckley, steve harrington, eddie munson, nancy wheeler, jonathan byers (no pronouns used for the reader, except some references to a fem!reader in the lyrics)

warnings/what to expect: fluff and angst, romantic pairings, happy and sad songs

note: Keep in mind this is just for fun, if i didn’t put your fav song for one specific character don’t come for me please. If you think other Taylor songs can fit these characters you can always put them in the comments!! I’d love to see what other songs reminds you of them.

a reblog and/or comment on my posts really help me out as a content creator so thank you in advance if you take the time to do either!

main masterlist | stranger things masterlist

ROBIN BUCKLEY

     — YOU BELONG WITH ME She feels like a total loser around you, thinking you're way out of her league. And it hurts because she whole-heartedly believes no one will ever treat you the way she would. She can read you like a book, knows all your favorite movies and songs, and knows how to make you feel better when you're sad. It’s frustrating because she knows she can make you very happy, yet she doesn’t have the chance to.

I can see her comparing herself to other people a lot before you start dating, secretly longing for you to notice her feelings for you. More often than not, others would catch her creating fake scenarios in her head involving the two of you being in a relationship.

Most likely you’d make the first move since she honestly thinks you would never like her back. And when she does realize you like her, she’ll be over the moon with excitement.

most meaningful line: “dreaming about the day when you wake up and find that what you’re looking for has been here the whole time.”

     — BEGIN AGAIN Robin would be your biggest fan, so she really wouldn't care about the way you dress, what music you like, the books you enjoy...she's a fan of every little detail about you and she'll encourage you to be yourself. And she’ll be just so supportive of you, making you feel unique and special just the way you are.

She wouldn't change a thing about you, being that type of lover that fully connects with who you are and that admires you unconditionally. Truly, you’ve never been loved the way she loves you.

most meaningful line: “cause you throw your head back laughing like a little kid, I think it’s strange that you think I’m funny cause he never did.”

     — MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE Robin is the type of person that is terrified of reaching out, so if she likes you she'll most likely drop subtle hints to let you know she's interested but never fully confess it. She'll remember random things you tell her, learn what you like or don't like, and then try to impress you with her knowledge about things you like. Basically, she’ll do whatever helps you realize she likes you.

Telling you directly? Not a chance. She'll get too nervous and mess everything up. It's better for her to be subtle about it and hope you realize soon enough so you can make the first move.

most meaningful line: “feeling like a face in the crowd, I’m reaching for you terrified.”

     — DANCING WITH OUT HANDS TIED Since the moment Robin fell in love with you, she knew she couldn’t have the perfect fairy tale story other couples have. She couldn’t hold your hand in public, kiss you whenever she wanted, show how much she loves you for the whole world to see. You sadly lived surrounded by people that wouldn’t understand.

But you showed her you don’t care about keeping it a secret if it means being with her. You don’t care about anything but her. 

No matter how insecure Robin would get, you’re always there to remind her your love for each other is worth it despite the hate you might get if the town found out about the two of you. And you give her hope. You make her feel like she is living in her perfect fairy tale despite all of it.

most meaningful line: “I loved you in spite of deep fears that the world would divide us. So, baby, can we dance, oh, through an avalanche?”

     — DEATH BY A THOUSAND CUTS If you two ever break up, this song would definitely describe what the heartbreak would feel like. I feel like Robin is a very dedicated lover, offering her entire heart, body and soul to you (that’s why she’s so terrified of making the first move, trying to spare herself of getting her heart broken). Her love is passionate, naive and blind, being both a virtue and a curse.

She’ll have a hard time trying to get over you. Absolutely everything would remind her of you or the relationship you two had. Her heart would break all over again when she sees you walking down the street, not being able to handle the fact that you’re not hers anymore.

most meaningful line: “you said it was a great love, one for the ages, but if the story’s over why am I still writing pages?”

STEVE HARRINGTON

— CHAMPAGNE PROBLEMS Steve seems like the guy who would say certain things without taking a second to think about the impact of his words before actually saying them. He could say that you're the person he wants to spend his entire life with when his feelings for you aren't even that strong.

He doesn't do it on purpose. He knows firsthand what it feels to be lied to by your partner. Instead, he does it because he genuinely doesn't want to hurt you. Steve much rather lie than knowingly breaking your heart.

I feel like he's aware of this flaw, but has no idea when it's happening or how to control it, just recognizes the problem once the damage is already done. And he'd feel terrible for hurting someone he claims to care for just because he can't connect with his feelings and be responsible about the things he promises or tells to a significant other.

And he knows they deserve better than him.

most meaningful line: “love slipped beyond your reaches, and I couldn't give a reason.”

— MR. PERFECTLY FINE Because he doesn't think before he speaks, I feel like this song also explains how he can say things he doesn't really mean and break someone's heart because of it. He'll realize he made a mistake way too late and by that apologies are not enough.

I feel both songs represent a similar situation, but it varies on what the outcome is. Whether Steve just broke the heart of nicest person he has ever met and feels absolutely terrible for hurting someone who didn't deserve that; or Steve got to close with you when he wasn't really looking for something serious, and when he tells you what is going on you dump his ass and recent him for being so inconsiderate with other people's feelings, and him completely ignoring you forever because he's too ashamed to face you for what he did.

most meaningful line: “and i never got past what you put me through, but it's wonderful to see that it never fazed you.”

— RED I think dating Steve would be a Rollercoaster. The sweet moments are the happiest, and the sad ones are just awful. Everything means more and hurts more when it comes to him.

But that's the beauty of loving Steve, because it's so passionate that neither of you can get enough of your relationship. It's a fight worth fighting until the very end. And you can learn to love him even in the darkest of times, with the bad days and the good days, with the loving and the fighting.

With this in mind, I feel like it would take a lot of time to get over a boyfriend like Steve. Because he is caring, extremely funny, super loyal, dedicated, passionate...it's hard to forget someone who made you feel so much.

most meaningful line: “regretting him was like wishing you never found out that love could be that strong.”

— FEARLESS This sounds exactly like what falling in love with Steve must be like. I see you two being the classic pair of friends that clearly have romantic feelings for each other but neither realize at first.

As you spend more time together you both get more comfortable around each other, finding the courage to brush the other's hand by accident or hugging just a little longer than necessary. By the time you finally realize he likes you back, you two are sharing the first of many kisses.

And the relationship is just the cutest because Steve would be such a dedicated boyfriend, you'll be very happy with him and the little improvised dances in a market's aisle, the riding around town at midnight with a mixtape of songs you both enjoy playing in the background, the fact that he doesn't seem to run out of new jokes that never fail to make you laugh and just all the love this man will give you.

most meaningful line: “run your hands through your hair, absentmindedly making me want you.”

     — OUR SONG This song is as pure as what I think Steve would be as a boyfriend. You two would drive around town, he’d sneak into your bedroom almost every night, and overall you two would be inseparable. 

And everything would be so special, every little aspect of your relationship would mean the absolute world to him. Neither of you needed big demonstrations of love to know how the other feels. It’s evident in the way you’d laugh at all his silly jokes and the way his eyes light up every time he sees you.

You don’t need big gestures with Steve, falling more and more in love with him with so little.

most meaningful line: “our song is the way you laugh, the first date “man, I didn’t kiss her when I should have”.”

EDDIE MUNSON

     — PAPER RINGS This song just screams Eddie to me. I feel like the moment you meet him, you won’t be able to get enough of him. He’ll be so charismatic and funny, you’ll have a hard time forgetting a guy like him.

And then everything will be just so special when you two finally start dating. He’ll be the best boyfriend ever to you, always making you feel loved and cared for, like you’re the most wonderful thing that has ever existed.

You’re so in love, you don’t care about what others say or think about him. All you care about is Eddie. To make him feel as loved and special as you do. 

Eddie would propose to you right after he graduates, already wanting to get the hell out of Hawkins with you and start a family somewhere else. And of course you say yes, and it doesn’t matter that you don’t get a big proposal, a huge wedding or the house of your dreams, because with Eddie by your side you already have it all. You wouldn’t want to live those moments with anybody else.

most meaningful line: “I want to drive away with you, I want your complications too, I want your dreary Mondays. Wrap your arms around me, baby boy.”

     — INVISIBLE This can go either way depending on what type of person you are. If you’re this social and outgoing person, Eddie would most likely feel insecure around you because you have so many friends that probably don’t even like him, so maybe he’ll avoid talking to you despite having a massive crush on you. Therefore, I feel like this song would describe exactly how he feels towards you whenever he sees you around, thinking to himself you probably think he’s just another weirdo you’d never turn to look at twice.

But if you’re this shy and socially awkward person, I feel like this would describe how you feel towards him. Eddie is an extrovert. He loves being loud and making a scene whenever he can to seem intimidating, so most likely you won’t dare talking to someone like him. You would much rather stare at him from a distance, not doing anything about the way you feel about him.

Either he’s the invisible one who secretly wants you, too afraid to talk to you because of what you might think of him; or it’s you the one hiding in the shadows, thinking someone like him would never notice someone like you.

most meaningful line: “and all I think about is how to make you think of me and everything that we could be.”

     — SPARKS FLY This song perfectly describes what it would be like to date Eddie when literally everyone around you tells you not to. Because how could someone willingly date the weirdest guy in Hawkins, too obsessed with D&D and metal music to care about graduating? You’ve never cared about those types of comments, because they come from people that don’t know Eddie like you do. 

Also rockstar!Eddie kind of? Perfect song to hear while going on tour with your boyfriend and his band.

most meaningful line: “I run my fingers through your hair and watch the lights go wild.”

     — KING OF MY HEART I feel like falling in love with Eddie quite literally hits you like a truck. It’s unexpected and everything happens so fast, and now without realizing your cuddling with him in his bed wearing nothing but your underwear and his Hellfire t-shirt, wondering how you were able to live without him for all these years.

And you fall for him hard. No one else could ever compare to him. No one has ever make you feel the way you do with him, and you doubt someone ever will. It’s all about him, and you just can’t get enough.

Also, this feels like the perfect song for the cheerleader/loser trope and I can’t stop thinking about how the lyrics just scream Eddie to me.

most meaningful line: “is this the end of all the endings? my broken bones are mending with all these nights we’re spending up on the roof with a school girl crush.”

     — THIS IS ME TRYING I can easily see Eddie being super insecure in a relationship because he’s grown thinking he doesn’t really deserve good things happening to him. That he’s a coward trying to act like a hero. Therefore, maybe he’ll break things off with you because, in his mind, he’s a complete disaster you shouldn’t have to put up with.

But then he’ll realize letting you go was a big mistake. That he finally had a good thing in his life and he pushed it away. Not the people talking shit about him or because he’s stuck in senior year again. It’s his fault.

This song would reflect how he’d feel trying to get you back. How everything is his fault because he chooses to hear what everyone else tells him rather than take control of his own life, and how he’s ready to own up to those mistakes. And maybe you won’t take him back and that’s okay. He’ll be content knowing you forgive him for hurting you. Perhaps you don’t want to be with him anymore, but he just wants you to know he’s trying to be better.

most meaningful line: “I didn’t know if you’d care if I came back, I have a lot of regrets about that.”

NANCY WHEELER

     — I WISH YOU WOULD I feel like Nancy can be a little impulsive and stubborn, and both qualities can be extremely useful for some situations, but when it comes to your relationship it really wasn’t helpful at all.

She’d break up with you over a late-night phone call in the middle of a fight, only to regret it immediately after she hangs up. And then she’ll wait for you to reach out, her hopes dying more and more everyday because you never did.

And then she’d blame herself for waiting when she should’ve acted before it was too late. Before you two stopped talking entirely and she never got to make it right with you, keeping to herself everything she should’ve said to you that night.

most meaningful line: “I wish we could go back and remember what we were fighting for.”

     — HOW TO GET THE GIRL I think Nancy would be a hopeless romantic, even when she doesn’t want to show it that much. Therefore, she’d love every time you do some crazy movie-like gesture for her. She’d chuckle as her cheeks turn a light shade of red when she sees you standing outside her house in the middle of the night with a gift for her. You’d make her feel butterflies when you offer your jacket when it’s cold or hold the door for her. She’d tell you how much she loves you when you stay all night talking to her on the phone whenever she can't sleep.

And because everything is movie-like, I feel like this song portraits how difficult it can be for Nancy to forgive you if she ever gets mad at you. You really need to stand outside in the rain and proclaim your love for her. Of course she’d immediately forgive you, falling even harder for you because she’d never been with someone that really goes that extra mile for her.

most meaningful line: “remind her how it used to be, with pictures in frames of kisses on cheeks.”

     — LONG STORY SHORT Nancy will be your number one protector. No one can mess with her partner, or else they'll have to face the consequences. She's a strong force, willing to fight whoever dares to hurt you. And you know she'll always be your safe place to run to if things get complicated.

Nancy will be such a great girlfriend, she'll make you feel like all the other people that came before her were just there to prepare you for the best: her. She’ll always have your back.

most meaningful line: “when I dropped my sword, I threw it in the bushes and knocked on your door.”

     — ENCHANTED Okay, I don’t know why I keep seeing everything with Nancy happening so much like a movie, but I can totally see the two of you flirting with each other all night, maybe at a party or a reunion at the Wheeler’s because your parents are friends, staring at each other and her blushing when you two bump into each other whenever one of you tried to walk inside the room just when the other was trying to walk out, or when you accidentally brushed hands when she handed you a glass of water.

And neither of you could stop yourselves from smiling like idiots and barely having any sleep that night because you replayed everything in your head over and over. Both of you spend hours trying to figure out if this exchange was mutual or not. To know if the other felt the same way.

most meaningful line: “the playful conversation starts, counter all your quick remarks like passing notes in secrecy.”

     — I BET YOU THINK ABOUT ME I feel like Nancy has very big dreams for the future and wants to leave everything behind, which never fails to make you feel terrible because you can’t help but think she’s unhappy in Hawkins with you.

She'd always think leaving would be easy because whatever is out there is better than this small town. She even feels guilty sometimes, finding herself thinking it won't be hard to live without you because the life she has planned for herself sounds too good to replace it for the one she loves. It's an opportunity she just can't lose.

But after she moves out and breaks up with you, she realizes letting you go has to be the worst decision of her life. She failed to see what she had until it was too late.

most meaningful line: “Does it make you feel sad that the love that you're looking for is the love that you had?”

JONATHAN BYERS

     — THE 1 With Jonathan moving to California and him being just the worst at communicating, I can see him breaking up with you in just the worst way possible. Whether it's at the very end of a phone call or even a letter, I feel he can be very insensitive about it because he just doesn't know how to deal with breakups. He’s not even sure if he wants to break up in the first place, but it felt like the right thing to do now that you two are so far away.

That would evidently leave you heartbroken and hating him because you really didn’t deserve it. And even when you finally move on, the what-ifs would always remain, especially after he breaks up with you so suddenly, without explanation, without room to talk.

You truly thought Jonathan was the one for you, and now that he’s not, you’re not sure what’s next in store for you.

most meaningful line: “I persist and resist the temptation to ask you, if one thing had been different, would everything be different today?”

     — THE STORY OF US Similar to the last one, Jonathan really has to work on communicating his feelings. Ever since he moved to California, he’s been feeling like the two of you are more and more distant with each other. That you barely have time for him anymore, and that perhaps you already met someone new that’s keeping you preoccupied.

But instead of talking, he just assumes. And that’s so much worse than facing you and talk things over, because he comes up with random scenarios of things you are and aren’t doing, torturing himself with them. 

And you’re no better, also deciding to stay quiet instead of talking things through, which leaves the two of you in this constant uncertainty of “are we okay?” “are we still together?” “is this the end?” “what is going on?”. You both suffer in silence, longing for one another, watching as your relationship crumbles right before your eyes.

most meaningful line: “this is looking like a contest of who can act like they care less, but I liked it better when you were on my side.”

     — MARY’S SONG (OH MY MY MY) Leaving aside the miscommunications and the moving away, I honestly feel like being in a relationship with Jonathan would feel like this song. He seems like the type of guy you’d love forever, meeting from a young age and being inseparable ever since, getting married and forming a family together. Everyone around you would watch as the two of you grow up and begin realizing you are in love with each other. And he could perfectly remember the look on Joyce’s face when he finally told her he wanted to ask you out. She knew all along you two would end up together.

Everything will be sweet and magical. Like a love you only thought existed in movies, but you managed to find that in him. A loyal, dedicated, caring and committed lover who would do anything to make it right to you, to make you happy. I have no words, this is just the purest type of love ever.

Most meaningful line: “take me back when our world was one block wide, I dared you to kiss me and ran when you tried. Just two kids, you and I.”

     — YOU ARE IN LOVE This is another song that represents what the good side of a relationship with Jonathan might feel like. Just pure love for each other.

I can see it being sort of a slow-burnish type of relationship, starting as friends before you both realize you don’t want to be friends. And it would be so special because there’s no need to say it out loud. You both can see the other falling just as hard in the little comments each of you make, or the small gestures that mean the entire world when they come from the right person.

You find love in the little things, the stuff most people ignore. And that’s what makes your love for Jonathan so special.

most meaningful line: “he says “look up’ and your shoulders brush. No proof, one touch, but you felt enough.”

     — ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS STAY For a messy break up, I feel like this represents what experiencing that with him must be like. I can see him getting insecure about his feelings or the relationship in general and maybe pushing you away (with or without his realizing it), starting to avoid you or randomly canceling dates with the worst excuses you’ve ever heard, until you’ve had enough and finally break up with him.

And then he’ll realize he screwed up and try to get you back, but you’re quick to tell him everything would’ve been so easy if he just stayed with you instead of pushing you away every time you tried to reach out to work things out.

most meaningful line: “people like you always want back the love they pushed aside, but people like me are gone forever when you say goodbye.”

[definitelynotafurinasimp]

Congrats on 800 people making a mistake, including myself!

To celebrate this momentous occasion, I shall request the "You're cute when your angry" prompt for the tsundere astrologist herself, Mona.

“You’re cute when you’re angry“

Characters: Mona x gn!reader

Warnings: none, just fluff

a/n: Mona's absolutely one of my favourite characters. I love the way she speaks about her old master, it's funny and makes me really hope that we'll get to meet that old hag once the traveller's journey takes them to Fountain. I imagine it would be quite funny to hear her side of the story.

Anyway, thanks for the congratulations and I hope you enjoy!

Mona

Mona paid a lot of attention to try and preserve her reputation as the genius astrologer from far away, and while those close to her might have had a slightly different impression of her, as long as they kept silent in public and played along with her whenever it was time for her to introduce herself to a new person, she didn’t really mind.

You, however, were surprisingly good at making her angry, was by it intentionally testing how far you could take your teasing before she snapped, or by accidentally saying the wrong thing. Luckily for you, if there was one thing you were better at than making her angry, it was somehow calming her down again. And while you weren’t too sure if it had anything to do with what you did or just with the fact that Mona seemingly couldn’t stay angry at you for a long time, you chose not to question it too much.

To say that you still remembered what exactly caused Mona to start lecturing you would have been a lie. But if you had to guess, your money would have been on your teasing, that’s what usually made her start to ramble about how the greatest astrologer in Teyvat deserved to be respected. At first, you chose to actually listen to what she had to say, only to stop doing so the moment you realised she said the same things she always did, only for her to get more agitated by your lack of attention. But the angrier she got, the more distracted you became, focussing on her expressions and gestures instead of her words.

“You’re cute when you’re angry”, you eventually interrupted the astrologer, causing her to instantly get silent, silently staring at you like what you said was the stupidest thing she ever heard in her life.

“…Seriously? That’s all you have to say as your defence?”, she finally spoke up, her voice betraying her confusion as much as her still slightly red face.

“I’m not defending myself; I’m simply stating facts. Who knows, maybe I’d tease you less if you weren’t”, you joked, only to immediately notice her ball her hands into fists.

“What? Are you saying your behaviour is my fault now?”

“Now you’re jumping to conclusions, I never said that. Look, if you’re still angry, how about we go to Good Hunter and I buy you a meal as an apology”, you offered, letting out an inner sigh of relief once you saw her relax a bit.

“Are you trying to bribe me with food?”, she accused you once again, only for you to immediately shake your head.

“It’s almost insulting how little you think of me, Miss Megistus. You told me yourself that trying to bribe an astrologist is useless, so why should I attempt to bribe the greatest of them all? It’s simply meant as a way for me to apologise”, you responded, your somewhat obvious flattery miraculously working as Mona’s features finally relaxed completely. “Alternatively, I could try and buy you something for your astrology, but I highly doubt I’d find anything you don’t already have. Especially since I don’t exactly know a lot about it”, you added, only to shut up when you saw her slightly shake her head.

“No, it’s fine, I prefer buying them myself. But fine, I accept your offer, let’s head to Good Hunter. Once there I’ll teach you how to respectfully treat a genius astrologer as me, and you better take notes”, she stated, trying her best to hide how much she looked forward to the food, only her the speed with which she marched in the restaurant’s direction to betray her.

“Of course, Miss Megistus”, you silently muttered to yourself before following her, choosing not to push your luck any further by teasing her about it, and to instead enduring whatever she had planned for you.

[lazydoodlesandfanfic]

Our Gal (Steve X Fem!Reader X Bucky)

Characters: Steve Rogers X Fem!Reader X Bucky Barnes

Universe: Marvel, Avengers

Warnings: Presumed death

Request: If it's not too much trouble can I ask a stucky x reader where they first met in the 40's and R was known by everyine as their gal. Fast forward, avengers get invited to asgard by thor and stucky sees R while she was walking around the palace (cause she is a goddess) and it's just like a teary af reunion. (odin found out about stucky x reader in the 40's and he forbid R from going back to midgard)

Steve and Bucky had unique lives. That was undeniable. They had been born in a different time, born during the First World War, and grew up to be in the right age range for the second. They enlisted, they were experimented on, one of them also being tortured, and they were both frozen and thrown into a new time, and that was just the bare basics. However, they never forgot their roots. Steve never forgot his mother who he lost so early, and Bucky never forgot his baby sister who he never got to see grow up, get married, and have a family of her own. He’d often wonder what happened to her, but was always too afraid to go digging. While they were grateful to be in a time that was now a lot more accepting of them- though they still had to put up quite a fight and have Tony make a fuss to get the memorial for them change the phrasing to not call them ‘best friends’, that didn’t stop the pair from getting together whenever they both were free, and reminiscing. Today was no exception.

“Do you remember Y/N?” Steve had asked rather suddenly. These conversations were also great for Bucky in remembering parts of his past that he may not have remembered on first glance, and admittedly, Steve had been wanting to ask this question for a long, long time, but he was never sure if he would actually remember you, since quite a few things were still blurry for Buck- including loved ones. However, the fear of heartbreak of having to remind Bucky of you vanished as Bucky’s eyes seemed to light up, and Steve smiled.

“Do I? I don’t think I ever really forgot about her.” Bucky answered, his eyes wandering off to nothing as he went into a deep thought- reminiscing, pulling all the memories that included your face to the front of his mind, and the more he thought about you, the more memories he seemed to find, until he found one that made him laugh to himself. “Do you remember before you got the serum and we came to meet you in the bar, and we walked in right as we caught that soldier being an ass to you?” 

“And before you could do anything, she walked right up behind him and hit him so hard in the back of the head his cap went flying? And then she berated him until you had to pull her away?” Steve questioned with a smirk, and Buckly laughed quietly to himself. “Did I ever tell you about her reaction to me coming home after the serum?” 

“No, I don’t think you did.” 

“I came in and she was distracted, she turned around and I guess I scared her before she nearly punched me square in the face before I stopped her and she saw my face.” He retold the story, and Bucky burst out laughing, and Steve couldn’t help his own chuckle.

“How the hell did we get so lucky to have her?” Bucky questioned aloud after calming down a little. It was a good question, something Steve couldn’t answer either. They had met you just after they had finished school, your first interaction being when a man had cat called you and started following you when you didn’t respond and both of them, not standing for that, yelled at the dude to leave you alone, nearly causing a fight, before they offered to walk you home to ensure he didn’t continue following you when they were gone, and on that walk home, you three bonded exceedingly well and you agreed to meet with them at a later date. That first meet up quickly turned into a full blown date, which resulted in several more, until you were officially a couple. You blended in so well, it was like you were always there, always meant to be there. Always meant to be their gal. However, now you weren’t there, and the pair suddenly realised this, and a sad air surrounded them. “Do you think she’s still alive?” Bucky inquired.

“I… I tried looking for her. Any trace of her disappeared not long after the war ended. I don’t know what happened, Buck.” Steve answered, now regretting bringing you up. He wished he had a better answer. A real answer. He had tried looking for you- but records were poorly kept back then, or not kept at all, and he was only able to find those first few records of you after their ‘deaths’ because you stayed in the apartment you three shared until the lease ended, and you presumably moved out. He couldn’t find any marriage, birth or death records to show that maybe you could have moved on and lived a good life- a life he and Bucky would have wanted you to have without them, but nothing. You just… disappeared. “I could try having Nat look for her-” 

“Who are you talking about?” The booming voice got the pair’s attention as they turned to look at the demi-god, Thor. His appearance quickly reminded the pair of why they had shown up to work today- Thor was treating them and a few others of the team to a trip to Asgard.

“Oh uh… someone from our past… someone we miss.” Bucky answered, making it clear that he didn’t want to be pressed, and Thor didn’t. He simply nodded, and moved on with telling them that everyone was ready to go, and with that, they tried to push you to the back of their head, at least till they came back. Then they could properly talk about you, their feelings, and how they’d like to remember you by- maybe look for old photos of you and frame them or something.

They arrived at Asgard no longer than 30 minutes afterwards with their host, Natasha, Tony and Bruce. The others had noticed the pair being a little withdrawn, but a silent glance to ask if they were alright and a small sad smile told them they weren’t in the mood to talk, and so they just focussed on the beauty of the kingdom in front of them as they walked down the bridge towards it. Thor pointed them towards several landmarks and their story and importance as they left the bridge and entered the large area just outside the kingdom where people walked around, sitting and talking, or walking around the nearby stalls, watching entertainers, or stood watching their children chase each other around. 

Admittedly, Bucky hadn’t been paying attention. He was busy looking up at the towering structures around him, noticing a balcony on a turret, and he saw some ladies stood looking down at everyone They were far away, and while he knew his mind was just playing tricks on him because of his recent conversation, he swore one of them looked like you, though before he look closer, they evacuated inside. He sighed, before trying to focus on what Thor was saying, catching him talking about a time Loki stabbed him, which cheered him up a little, glancing at Steve to see how he was doing. He was smiling, but he could see that distant look in his eye. This was gonna sting for a long time. 

“Lady Y/N!” Thor’s call caught both men by surprise, immediately making them pay full attention to the god, seeing he’d turned towards one of the large entrances of the main castle, seeing a young lady rushing outside. Bucky recognised the dress colour from one of the women on the balcony, but she approached he realised… it was you. Bucky heard Steve gasp and shudder beside him, and Bucky felt himself become weak like all his energy had been drained from him.

You looked different. You were always radiant and beautiful, but right now, you seemed to exude radiance and beauty in tenfold, your hair styled intricately like the hair of the women around you, decorated with gold and jewels that seemed to drip down to your neck, waist, arms… you looked like royalty.

You looked like a goddess.

However, you weren’t striding over to them, holding yourself with the power you glowed with. Oh no. You were practically charging at them, and as soon as you were close enough, you dropped the front of your skirt to open your arms, grabbing both men and pulling them into the tightest hug you could muster. You were gasping for breath, and the two men were in disbelief that it was actually you holding them. That was, until your heavy breathing turned into sobs as you muttered. “My boys. I thought I’d lost you.” 

Your boys. They were your boys. And you were their gal. 

Both men immediately wrapped their arms around you in return, closing their eyes and just savouring the moment to finally have you back with them, something they had deeply believed would never happen again. The last time either of them had held you like this was on those last missions, promising to come home to you.

“Lady Y/N, How do you know these two?” Thor interrupted the moment rather sheepishly. The three of you gave each other a final squeeze before you pulled away and turned to face the long haired blonde, as well as your boy’s other friends who looked at you in awe. You clamped your hands together in front of you properly, straightening your back and raising your chin. 

“I met Bucky and Steve just before the Second World War when I stayed on Earth for a period of time… We’re extremely close.” 

“As in…” Bruce gently pushed for you to continue, though Steve was the one who spoke up with grin, resting a hand on your arm, and Bucky rather gently tugged on your other arm, and you unclasped your hands to hold his, and rest your other hand on top of Steve’s. 

“She’s our gal.” 

Hope you like it! If you have any questions, please send them in! 

*Not my gif

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